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wisteria-lodge · 3 years ago

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Archetypes: Sorting Hat Chats

I’ve been asked about my rationale for naming different primary/ secondary combinations. I did this originally as a tool to help me sort characters - I wanted to see how these types tend to be used, so I could more easily see what subversions looked like. I'll run through my thoughts, but know there’s a lot of variation within each category. But even WITH that variation, I do think that each one has its own specific energy that makes it interesting to talk about. An explanation of the terms I'm using.

DOUBLE LION “THE REVOLUTIONARY”

Pretty straightforward. The Lion primary knows something is wrong, they know it in their bones even if they can’t articulate it, and they’ve got to go out and do something about it. Probably charging at whatever power structure is directly in front of them. It’s unlikely you find a character leading a revolution who isn’t a Double Lion. These guys are intense, inspirational, single minded.

The villain version of the Lion primary tends to be the person who “went too far" or "became the monster they were trying to fight.'' But I think that the much more interesting Lion primary villain trope is the Traitor. Since Lions work from their feelings, and their philosophies can’t necessarily be articulated or linked to individuals outside of them - they can definitely have their head turned while still feeling moral about it.

One of my favorite examples of this Revolutionary archtype is actually Christian Bale‘s character from Newsies. He’s the spark that starts the unionizing revolution, but 100% needs his Badger and Bird lieutenants to keep him focused and keep him from defecting

LION SNAKE “THE ROBIN HOOD”

These guys are similar to the Double Lion - they will recognize a cause or injustice revolutionary style - but Robin Hood doesn’t go up and bang on wicked Prince John’s door. His move is the snake secondary one: confront the problem indirectly. Undermine the regime by stealing tax money and re-distributing it to the poor. Be simultaneously Robin Hood the outlaw and Robin of Locksley the noble, infiltrating and getting information. The Lion Snake is more likely to work within society (or deliberately separate from society) versus just breaking everything down.

LION BIRD “THE LAWMAN / THE VIGILANTE”

The fact that the Lion Bird can either be the Lawman or the Vigilante shows off the very clear hero/villain split you get with Bird secondaries. We also see this with the Snake Bird (simultaneously the Mastermind and the traditional Villain) and the Double Bird (either the Scientist or the Mad Scientist.) This is why I think I had such trouble naming the Badger Bird. I wasn’t leaning into the duality of the Bird secondary enough. The Badger Bird can be the King Arthur, or he can be the Mob Boss, and he’ll look kind of similar either way.

The Lion Bird also has that Lion primary conviction and drive, but they want to follow up on it with investigation, evidence, and plans. I actually think there need to be more stories about Lawmen turning into Vigilantes and vice versa. Because Lion Birds are their Cause no matter what external alignment gets attached to it.

LION BADGER “THE LINCHPIN”

This is my own sorting - although when I came up with this name I still thought I was a Double Bird. The linchpin is the pin-axle thing at the center of a wheel that prevents the whole thing from falling apart, and I think it's a good way of talking about the energy of this combination. The Badger secondary means they’re a lot less single minded than the other Lion primaries: their power comes from being part of a group. They become the emotional “heart” a lot, and have a way of quietly keeping things together just by existing. They can be leaders, but a Double Lion will lead from up front while a Lion Badger will lead from in the middle (if that makes sense.)

I do think it’s really funny that this is a common sleeper villain trope. Peter Pettigrew, Prince Hans, and Randall Boggs of Monsters Inc. all became integral to a group, and then exploit their position within it. They’re kind of the evil bureaucrat. Maybe that's a good trope for children’s media

DOUBLE SNAKE “THE TRICKSTER”

This is another straightforward one. Double Snakes are in it for themselves (and maybe like three other people.) They're going to be clever and tricksy about how they get what they want, and will not mind doing things backward and unofficially. And they won't mind if you know that's what they're doing. There’s something very unapologetic about the Double Snake which makes for very attractive characters. They are consistently voted the sexiest... and when they’re villains they’re fun villains. You know what they want, and what they want is not that complicated. I think that’s a big reason for the appeal of Snake primaries in general. They’re the easiest primary to understand and explain.

SNAKE LION “THE LANCELOT”

I used to call these guys “The Rebel,” which... is too generic, doesn’t really mean anything. So I started thinking about the Lion secondary as the Knight secondary, and I liked that. Double Lions are the Crusader Knight, riding for their Cause. Bird Lions are Grail Knights, riding for their own personal truth. Badger Lions are Champion Knights, here to help the helpless and defend the innocent.

And if that's that case… Snake Lions have to be the Knight Errant, the knight who rides for his lady. It is that simple. Lancelot might be a Knight of the Round Table, but he’s riding for Arthur the person, not Arthur the King. And for his lady, Queen Guinevere. I feel like his dilemma is one that’s common to a lot of Snake Lions: what happens when they’re forced to split their loyalty? It’s tragic, but Lancelot can’t have Arthur and Guinevere simultaneously.

(At least not until my awesome Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot OT3 which I will totally write at some point :)

SNAKE BIRD “THE MASTERMIND / THE VILLAIN”

The classic. We see a little more of the Bird Secondary split, and well… this is your stereotypical villain. They want power. They’re going to use an elaborate plan to get it. There’s a lot you can do with this sorting, but I actually do think it’s fun that whatever you do, this slight undercurrent of villain and/or mastermind… never quite goes away.

SNAKE BADGER “THE LOVER”

The Love Interest sorting. Chances are very good that if there is a love interest (who does not serve some other role in the story...) they're going to be a Snake Badger. Devoted to one person, solving problems by caretaking. This is the Badger secondary who is likely to have the smallest group, which is just going to make them look excessively devoted to their friends. This type is pretty gender neutral, which is fun. A lot of female love interests, but also your Mr. Darcys and Peeta Mellarks.

One of my favorite things about this trope (mostly just because I think it’s funny...) is that if you write a character who is not supposed to be a love interest, but who is a Snake Badger... subconsciously I think people are going to read them as a love interest anyway. Looking at you Jaskier, Horatio, and even Captain Barbossa.

DOUBLE BIRD “THE [MAD] SCIENTIST”

I think that (especially if you aren’t a Bird Primary yourself) your response to hearing a fictional Bird Primary’s motivation is kind of …huh. That seems random. Or oddly specific. You get your Hannibal Lecters, whose entire motivation is... wanting to eat people while drinking nice wine.

Double birds seem especially unusual, just in terms of society. They are Bird secondaries and they interact with the world through gathering data, but their Bird primaries mean that data can literally lead them to any conclusion, no matter how potentially wacky. These guys consciously build themselves from the ground up, and that can make them kind of detached - either in a logical way, or an unmoored way. They're written as either really stable, the rational mentor figure. Or really... not. And that’s how you spot a Bird villain. They’re not after money/power/safety, they’re after something weird.

BIRD LION “THE GRAIL KNIGHT”

This is the trope of Perceval or Galahad, questing after the Holy Grail chalice... which is really just meaning, and truth. It’s a personal quest. Grail Knights tend to ride alone, and a lot of the things that concern them are metaphysical, to do with identity, purpose, things like that. You can have extremely different Bird Lions, but I do think there is a sort of spiritual core there. Doctor Harleen Quinzel sees freedom and truth in whatever the Joker is doing, and then once she recognizes his hypocrisy, has to go build her own meaning.

I actually think these guys are pretty easy to spot because of that Lion secondary. When they change direction, they change direction, and there’s probably a period of despair between the direction changes. I’ve talked about how Bird Lions having a habit of falling apart pretty dramatically, and that’s where this idea comes from.

BIRD BADGER “THE SURVIVOR”

A rare sorting, but an interesting one. I call this one “the Survivor” or “the Last Man Standing” because, well, they seem to be. They seem remarkably stable. This is the Bird primary least likely to be a villain, and maybe the sorting least likely to be a villain. I think what’s going on is that they are grounded and integrated in whatever community they happen to be in (because of that Badger secondary), but they can define themselves and rebuild themselves in the Bird primary way. This makes them uniquely suited to building a new version of themselves for whatever situation they happen to find themselves in.

Maybe a better name for these guys would be “The Adapter.”

BIRD SNAKE “THE ARTIST”

Like all Bird primaries, these guys are inspired by their own projects and their own worldview, but because of that Snake secondary, Bird Snakes have a more easy-going ‘take the world as it comes' kind of energy. They are “the Artist” because everything they do is art: they want to use themselves and the world around them, put all of that towards whatever their Bird primary happens to be interested in.

You can have villains like the Nolan Joker, or the Talented Mr. Ripley, who kind of turn the world into their own personal philosophical social experiment. Or Scotty from Star Trek whose meaning is solely the well-being of the Enterprise. Maybe they just like traveling, and that's all they need. (It's a way for the Bird primary and the Snake secondary exist very happily together, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was pretty common.)

DOUBLE BADGER “THE PEACEMAKER”

Badgers are interesting, because while I think they’re generally regarded as “correct,” they’re also seen as kind of boring. That’s the case with both Badger primaries and Badger secondaries, which means it is doubly reflected in the Double Badger. They often get written as simplistic, the sweet Jane Bennet type who loves everybody and caretakes everybody and just wants everybody to get along.

They are often the targets of what TV Tropes used to call “Break the Cutie.” What could be more interesting than making this character, who wants to be happily part of a community, be forced to build protective models, be all tortured and angsty? I actually think we’re seeing a return of the Double Badger as an interesting character in their own right, with people like Aziaphale, and I'm here for it.

BADGER LION “THE PROTAGONIST”

What can I say? There are a lot of protagonists that are Badger Lions. They want to help the group - so we know they're the good guys - and then they charge and make stuff happen. Lion secondaries are very useful in fiction - you drop them into a situation and stuff just happens. I also think of this as the Starfleet officer sorting - because if you’re a Starfleet officer, either you are the sorting, or can model it really well.

I will say that this is kind of the stock Protagonist sorting, the way that the Snake Badger is the stock love interest and the Snake Bird is the stock villain. There’s just something sort of generic good guy about this one, which is why I want to see it used as a villain sorting more. Badger villains - mostly people who define ‘human’ very narrowly - are insanely terrifying.

BADGER SNAKE “THE ADVISOR”

Possibly “the Power Behind the Throne.” This is another one I had difficulty pinning down. I called it “the Politician” for a while, which unfortunately came off as a little bit more negative than I meant it to, since I think this sorting has a lot in common with Lion Badger, the linchpin of a heroic team. The difference is that Lion Badger takes on that role kind of unconsciously, while the Badger Snake does it very consciously.

Their loyalty is to the group, but their skill set is all about subversion and different ways of going around the group, which is why there’s an interesting contradiction at the heart of Badger Snake. A lot of real life Badger Snakes struggle with feeling like “bad people" and it's too bad. These guys are ridiculously powerful and competent when they are sure of themselves, and I love seeing them in action

BADGER BIRD “THE KING / THE MOB BOSS”

Another difficult one, despite (or because) I really like them. I was calling them “the Architect” because “The City Planner” sounded too boring… but that’s what they do. They’re all about the community but they problem-solve the way all Bird secondaries do, by prepping, and gathering knowledge. I talked more about this in the Lion Bird entry, but Bird secondary seems to have this villain split going on, and that’s what I see here too. This is a controversial love-them-or-hate-them sorting, and I think that’s why. There’s a lot of room in whether or not you see this sorting as villainous.

#sortinghatchats #masterpost #wisteria sorts #archetypes #writing #long post

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caffeineforbucky · 3 years ago

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As Time Goes By...(Chapter One)

Post-blip (five or six months later)

A/N: This is my first time writing on this website or anything public really, I usually just write for me, please just bear with me if it looks or sounds janky. Also, thanks for taking the time to read. I deeply & wholeheartedly appreciate you. Enjoy!

Summary: I suck at them but, I'll give it a shot. You- the reader, are surprised by 'old' friends when they show up out of the blue, asking for your help on a mission. (This is just the sum for chap. 1)

Word count: 2,760

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem! reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, ex-boyfriend jealousy...

The day was coming to an end, a small heatwave conjuring up a sweat as you wiped down your last table for the night. You blew out a breath, brushing back a sheen of perspiration with your forearm, watching the last customer walk out of the restaurant as the bell chimed above their head.

You never understood why people chose to sit inside when there were tables out on the sidewalk. It was hotter in here than out there, especially since the air conditioner had gone out just a few days prior and the fans above the tables were only circling the air inside. It was an actual oven, but they contended.

Your hightops heaved across the tile, dragging yourself with the sufficiency of a person who was only working because they had to. You kicked up the doorstop, pulling the door towards you with a small amount of goodwill and vigor to finish locking up, flipping the paper sign over from open to closed. It wasn't as if you hated your job. You thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere of it all. It was the only person working the night shift job you hated with every fiber of your being. You weren't completely alone in the restaurant, having a few cooks and the owner to keep you company, especially on busy nights like the one you just had.

"I'm clocking out, Mrs. Turner!" You call out, reaching behind your back to untie the knot of your apron, pulling it up and off your neck once the ties came undone. Trudging back to the table, you picked up the disinfectant wipe and toss it in the bin, making your way to your boss's office before hanging up your apron on the hook. "Mrs. Turner...?" You murmur softly, poking your head in through the doorway, only to see her counting the profits for the day. "I'm heading home," You chime, pointing behind your shoulder with your thumb as she glances up at you.

"Alright, Honey," She beams, a bright smile pulling at her lips as her eyes meet yours. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Working for the Turners wasn't supposed to be a permanent job, in fact, it wasn't even your original plan, as opposed to the small favors you would complete now and then for the people that were willing to pay a pretty penny for your...services.

But you figured having a stable job was smarter and safer than the alternative. And the help wanted sign was very persuasive, due to the pretty colors and splashes of glitter. It looked like it was made by a child, which you later found out, was decorated by Mrs. Turner's seven-year-old. "Always." You accede, tapping the doorframe as your goodbye before parading into the breakroom to gather your things from the lockers.

You take your backpack off the hook and swing the strap over your shoulder before time punching your card and going straight through the back door. The sounds of the city hit your ears as the heavy door slammed behind you. Traffic honks and tires treading against the grain while you walk further into the busy streets of San Francisco.

As you were about to turn the corner, you were met with the sight of your friend's van, followed by a trumpet rendition of La Cucaracha. You grinned widely, gripping your strap tighter as you jog up the 1972 Ford Ecoline, aka Big Bertha. At least that's what you called it. "Luis!" You rejoice, resting your palms on the ledge. "What are you doing here?"

"Scotty sent me out for a few things," Luis answers, his hands gripping the steering wheel, his head turned to you. "I was just about to go when I saw you. Thought you might need a ride." He shrugs, a cute smile playing on his lips.

You nod, reciprocating the smile at his answer. "Yeah, if it's not too much trouble..." You drag, your voice hesitant, as if he didn't offer at all.

"Nah, get in." He gestures, beckoning you with a wave of his hand. "Your place is on the way," Luis loosens his seatbelt, reaching over to the passenger side to pull up the lock, opening the door for you.

You climb in, plopping down on the tufted leather seats as you pulled the door towards you, closing it shut. "Thanks, Lu," You breathe, dropping your backpack below your feet, then you fasten your seatbelt. "How is Scott, anyway?" You ask as Luis changes gears and presses the gas, the van rolls onto the street.

"Ehh...he's...he's alright, know what I'm sayin'?" He answers, glancing at you before focusing back on the road. "I mean, he missed like five years of his daughter's life. He's just trying to spend as much time with her to make up for years they both lost."

You nibble at the inside of your cheek, nodding softly in agreement as the city lights passed you by. There wasn't much you could say to that, having lost so many people yourself. People you considered family just...gone.

"Yo!" Luis pipes up, snapping you out of your train of thought. "Didja see the news today?!" He shakes his head, whistling at the thought. "I can't believe they would just give some random dude the shield like that, ya know?"

You drew in your bottom lip in contempt, nodding once again at Luis. You had seen the news, and they couldn't have picked a better time to broadcast. If it hadn't been for Mrs. Turner asking you in, you would've hunted Sam Wilson down and kicked his ass yourself.

The van rolled to a stop, brakes squealing as Luis pulled up beside your apartment. You sighed heavily, glancing at the small apartment you shared with your Ex-boyfriend. By the looks of the living room light illuminating behind the curtains, he was home, and you absolutely dreaded when he was. It wasn't as if you wanted to live with him, but you had no other alternative. Ever since dropping your side job, money was tighter, and he was kind enough to let you stay, just until you found a place. "Thanks again for the ride, Lu." You mumble, unclicking your seatbelt as you took hold of your backpack. "You didn't have to."

"Don't even mention it, Y/N," Luis reassures, watching you as you pull at the door handle, opening it to get out. "I know how hard it is to get back into the norm."

You shut the passenger door, shooting him a sympathetic smile. "I'll see you around?"

With a smile, Luis waves goodbye and drives off into the night, the exhaust pipe blowing smoke as he rode off. You shook your head, cracking a smile at the honk of his horn. You turned towards the front entrance of the apartment, your stomach twisting as your smile dropped completely. You swallowed thickly, rolling the tension from your shoulders to prepare yourself before jogging up the small flight of stairs.

You fished your keys from the front pocket of your backpack, taking a breath before shoving the key into the lock, twisting as you pushed the door open with your shoulder. "Joshua?!" You voiced, calling out your ex's name to make sure it was him. You dropped your belongings beside the door, pushing your sneakers off before kicking the door shut with your foot.

"Yeah, in here!" He responds quickly, a slight tremor to his tone.

You frown softly, tossing your keys into the bowl on the console table before sauntering to where his voice was emanating from. "Josh, are you...?" Your voice came to a halt, your footsteps stopping altogether as you walked into the living room.

"Hey!" Joshua exclaims once your figure comes into view. "You wanna explain who they are?" He presses, his face crossed with fear as he gestures to the two men sitting calmly on your living room couch.

You remained quiet, your body tense, eyes wide as your focus shifted between the men on the couch and your ex.

"Well...?" Joshua demands, crossing his arms over his chest, shifting in his stance at the unsettling glare one of the men was sending his way. "I was in the middle of hosting game night-as you can see, when they showed up," Josh drops his arms, hands splaying out to gesture to the coffee table consisting of five different dips, two bulk-sized bags of tortilla chips, and a twenty-four pack of Blue Moon beer. "The guys were just about to come over."

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to refrain from any and all insults towards your ex. That explained why he was home. "Um..." You utter, pinching the bridge of your nose, "Fucking hell," You curse under your breath, eyes fluttering open to look at Joshua. "Josh," You begin, clearing your throat as you start with the man on the left. "They are Sam Wilson and..." You hesitate, eyes settling on the man to the right, his sight alone bringing back the memories that you swore you didn't want to remember. "James Barnes," You finish, ripping your eyes away from his baby blues to look at your ex. "Aka-"

"The Falcon and The Winter Soldier..." Joshua finishes for you, his eyes flashing with amazement, head whipping towards the guys. "Shit!" He curses, smiling widely like a kid in a candy store. "Can I get you guys anything? A plate? Beer?"

"Actually," You grunt, interrupting before Sam or Bucky could answer. "Can you give us a minute, Joshua?" Insisting while your foot tapped impatiently against the hardwood floor.

"Should I be worried?" He inquires, eyes filled with confusion as he looked between the three of you, trying to piece together the situation at hand. The main reason you and Joshua couldn't work it out was that you kept a lot of secrets, mostly from him. He didn't like the fact that you wouldn't let him in. Sure, you lied to him, the biggest lie being that you were an Avenger, but that was just to keep him safe. There were other reasons why you decided to split up as well. Joshua knew...he knew deep down you were just with him to pass the time. He could see it when he looked into your eyes. There was someone else in the reflection and it wasn't him. If he was honest with himself, he could admit that it did hurt him. That he wanted a chance to make it work with you, but with the way you were staring at James, he finally recognized that reflection.

He should've noticed it early on-like that day he had somehow convinced you to take a trip to D.C for a tour of the Captain America museum. You were hell-bent on not going, trying to make up some elaborate excuse or an alibi of sorts, but alas, you still went. And for some odd reason, you couldn't stop coming back to the Bucky Barnes portion.

"No," You reply, keeping it short to dismiss him.

Joshua's mouth set in a hard line, a foreign feeling forming in the pit of his stomach-jealousy. He never had to worry about it before, especially when his friends used to come over, back when you were still together. Except for that one time, but how could he blame them? You were the kind of person that listened, laughed at the jokes being made, could lend a hand when needed, and your looks were just a bonus in his book. "Uhm, yeah," He coughed, frowning softly while nodding his head at you. "I have to go pick up the pizza, anyway," Josh brushes past you, fetching his keys from the bowl while slipping on his Vans that sat up against the wall ledge that separated the front door from the living room. "Are you going to be okay?" He mumbles, glancing over his shoulder to look at you.

You shoot Josh a smile, nodding reassuringly, his footsteps approaching closer before stopping in front of you, the palm of his hand landing gently on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Let me know if you need anything, m'kay?" Josh's voice is soft, the concern in his eyes making you feel guilty. You knew he cared about you, and there wasn't a time where you'd catch him staring at you for far too long, but you were well past that. "I'm just a text away," He notes, waving his cell in his hand.

"Josh, I'll be fine," You sigh, stepping away from his touch, the sound of his hand hitting his jeans as it dropped from your shoulder. "I always am."

"Right," Josh nods, looking over at the men on the couch before gazing back at you. "I'll see you in a bit, bug." And with that, he turns, opens the front door, and steps out, shutting the wooden door behind him.

You close your eyes, the pet name Josh had coined for you making you sigh. He agreed to stop calling you that all together and it only made you feel that more guilty for ending things. "So..." You pipe up, opening your eyes as you turned to look at the guys. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Bug?"

Bucky is the first to speak, his jaw clenched at the mere sound of the word. Indignant at the way Josh had touched you, even if it was just your shoulder. "I didn't know he knew you like that," Bucky flashes you a taut smile, nodding softly as he shared a look with Sam, but the falcon only shook his head. "How long have you been..." Bucky couldn't even finish the question, his glove-clad hands tightening at the thought of you being with somebody else...someone that wasn't him. Though, it was his own fault. If he hadn't done what he'd done-you'd have never found another.

"Wow," You scoff, padding closer to where they sat. "You don't miss a beat, do you? Just..." You sink into the sofa adjacent to the one they occupied. "-Right into the big stuff."

"I didn't bring you here to question her about her love life," Sam voices, his scolding eyes on the man beside him. "And she sure as hell isn't obligated to answer you, Bucky."

You smile gratefully at Sam before glancing down at your leg that had begun to bounce in anticipation. "What are you guys doing here? And how'd you find me?" You ask, tilting your head in curiosity as you look up at the guys. "When I resigned from the Avengers initiative, they ensured me that I wasn't able to be traced, not by your or any other remaining member. I was supposed to be scot-free," You declare, hitting your thigh with your fist.

"Oh, come on, Y/N," Sam chuckles, shaking his head at the naivety. "We both know that's a bunch of bullshit. The government is always going to have its eyes on us. Especially free agents like you and us."

You draw in your bottom lip, biting down, eyes flickering between Sam and Bucky. You knew it was too good to be true, and part of you sensed the bullshit when the government explained it to you. You just didn't want to believe it.

"You were an ex-assassin. How could they not keep tabs on your whereabouts?" Sam recounts, emphasizing that it was in the past. At least, that's what they thought. "And I had some help from Redwing as well." He shrugs nonchalantly.

You choke out a laugh, shaking your head at the smug demeanor emitting from Sam. "Redwing," You whisper, smiling thinly. "Of course, nothing could ever be hidden from your personal P.I, huh?"

"I hate that thing," Bucky grumbles, folding his arms across his chest. in annoyance. "Invasion of privacy, I'm telling you."

"You love redwing," Sam jokes, playfully jabbing Bucky's arm with his elbow, "It's okay Bucky, you can admit it."

"Can we get back to the issue here?" You interject, "Not one of you has explained the reason you're here. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great to see you...one more than the other," You whisper that last part but, completely aware that Bucky could hear it. "But, you both showing up out of the blue...? That's almost a bad omen."

"I didn't ask him here, by the way," Sam acknowledges, raising his hands in defense, "I just want to get that out of the way. Bucky came because he wanted to. I'm here," Sam gestures to himself, "-For one reason and one reason only..."

"And what's that?" You ask, leaning forward in your seated position.

"I need your help, Y/N."

#james buchanan bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x y/n #angst #jealousy #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnesxreader #marvel #post blip #bucky/reader #samuel wilson #sam wilson #ex boyfriend #bucky x female reader #james barnes x reader

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taggingtim · 3 years ago

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Why I love Pre-Boot Tim Drake and why the Reboot has ruined him

I love Tim Drake. He is my favorite comic book character of all time. I’ve been really upset the past few days about what DC has been doing with him lately, and I thought it would be cathartic for me to write something up about it. (No, this isn’t a rant about Tim being bi/gay; it’s a much larger problem than that. But I’ll get to that in a bit.) Bear with me for a bit of history, first.

When I was a kid I loved the Batman Animated Series. I know this will lose me a lot of internet cred, but I always preferred the fourth season. In particular, I loved Tim Drake. He was fun and funny and I absolutely adored him. I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall so I could buy issues of Gotham Adventures. For my birthday one year my parents got me a subscription to the comic, and I was blown away by the idea that I could have comics MAILED to my HOUSE.

Around middle school I started collecting Marvel comics, mostly X-men stuff. I loved them, but when I started college I quit the hobby for financial reasons.

Fast forward a few years, and I felt I was financially stable enough to start buying comics again. Rather than going back to Marvel, I decided to give Batman comics a chance. I had no idea where to start, and when I found out my beloved Tim had his own comic series, I thought it was a perfect entry point into the Batman universe. I bought the complete series from a local comic shop and dove in.

Tim’s Robin series was exactly what I was looking for in a comic. He was very different from little Timmy Todd from BtAS, but I loved him. I built the rest of my comic collection around him, grabbing up every book that he was featured in, from Young Justice to Teen Titans to Batman, Detective Comics, Nightwing, Red Robin, and many others. I have random books from series like The Demon just because Tim was in them.

So why did I like Tim so much? What about this character made me so excited for more? I found in Tim something that I had never seen in a comic book before: character growth. Somehow, though he was written by many different authors over many different years, Tim managed to have a character arc that is consistent and makes sense. Sure, there were a few small bumps along the way, but on the whole Tim has always stayed true to his character, and he’s developed in a way that the big name characters, like Batman, never can.

When we’re first introduced to Tim, he’s a young teen who has been neglected by his parents growing up. He’s smart, healthy, and strong, but he lacks so much self confidence and has little sense of self worth. Tim notices Bruce’s increasing violence as he grieves for the loss of his son, and Tim knows he needs to step in and help. Batman needs a Robin.

For most characters, this would be the part where Tim put himself forward for the job. But he doesn’t. He seeks out Dick Grayson and begs him to come home instead. It’s only when Batman and Nightwing are in danger and there is literally no one else to help that Tim steps up and dons the cape. And once he does, he’s constantly plagued by self-doubt, terrified he will screw up and leave Batman worse than ever before.

From there, Tim undergoes intense training. He never begs to be in the spotlight, doesn’t push to go out on the streets before he’s ready. His goal is to help Bruce as much as possible.

Here’s where I started to fall in love with him. All that self-doubt, the constant need to be useful? That’s exactly what you would expect to see from a child whose parents had ignored and neglected him. He finally has a parental figure who sees him, who values him, and Tim does everything he can to make himself worthy in the hopes that Bruce will keep him around.

This is the first example of character consistency that we see with Tim. And it continues. When his mom dies and his dad is put in a coma, you see Tim struggle to come to terms with losing the people he loves, but never had a relationship with. Tim almost never mentions his mom after her death, because she just wasn’t present in his life. When his dad recovers and decides to stick around, Tim struggles to build a relationship with him. He’s plagued with guilt because he’s finally found the father figure he needed in Bruce, but he thinks that he’s supposed to feel that way for Jack. It’s a running undercurrent in their relationship that creates distance between them for years.

This is already so long, so I’m going to try to summarize a bit more. We get to watch Tim grow up. We see his awkward relationship with his first girlfriend, Ariana. He doesn’t know how to treat her; he’s never had the opportunity to observe a healthy relationship. But he tries so, so hard. All of Tim’s relationships are awkward, because he’s never had a model of a good one. Steph is a great match for him, because she’s very vocal about what she wants and needs, and she isn’t afraid to call Tim out when he messes up, which is exactly what Tim needs.

Big things happen to Tim. He’s stuck with Jean-Paul Valley, who slowly goes insane, leaving Tim to try to keep the city in one piece. He’s infected with the Clench, a plague that sweeps over Gotham and kills everyone it touches, and barely escapes with his life. His girlfriend is sexually assaulted, leaving him to deal with the fallout. His family moves out of Gotham, and he has to sneak back in during No Man’s Land to help. His relationship with his dad has intense ups and downs, resulting in him being sent to boarding school, punished in a variety of ways, and generally caused a lot of trouble in his life.

Then people start dying. Over the course of about a year in his life, Tim loses his girlfriend, his dad, a close friend, and his best friend, each of whom dies under tragic conditions. Tim’s grief is intense, and he is understandably traumatized by the losses. We see fundamental changes in his character. He changes his costume from something bright and cheerful to something darker that reflects his emotional state. He’s more subdued, his adventures a little more serious.

When Bruce first tries to adopt him, Tim literally creates an uncle and hires an actor to play him, just to avoid dealing with the situation. Bruce has viewed Tim as a son for years, so to him the adoption is an obvious step. For Tim, it feels like a betrayal of his father, and it takes a while before he’s ready to accept Bruce’s love, home, and a place in his family.

When Damian shows up on the scene, Tim really struggles with him, and not just because early Damian is a horrid brat who tries to kill Tim on multiple occasions. Tim has always felt the need to earn his place with Bruce, and Damian constantly throws all of Tim’s biggest fears in his face—he’s not wanted or needed now that the “real” son is here, he’s not worthy of a place in the family, he’s not good enough.

Tim tries to clone Conner, his best friend. He’s lost so many people, and he’s desperate to get them back. Conner was cloned to begin with and fully matured over a very short period of time; the technology clearly exists, so why can’t Tim use it to get his best friend back? And if he can get Conner back, why not the others he’s lost? He eventually gives up, but when he eventually gets access to a Lazarus Pit, he immediately wants to incorporate the waters into his process so he can revive his loved ones. With Dick’s help, Tim eventually decides to let it go, but it’s such a poignant moment for the character.

Then Bruce dies, and Dick takes Robin away. Tim switches to the Red Robin persona as he travels the world, alone, trying to prove that he was right. He has to deal with the trauma of losing another father, finds out that his girlfriend never died but let him hurt so much for so long. His brother and the only close friend he has left both think his grief has overwhelmed his sense and that he’s gone crazy. He’s utterly alone.

The Red Robin series is such a great culmination for Tim. He finds a place for himself as a hero, as a CEO. He gets parts of his family back—Bruce, Steph, Bart, Conner. He finally figures out who he wants to be and creates a place for himself.

This overarching character development is what I love about Tim. His many, many traumas impact his decisions, and you can clearly see how he changes over time as a result of them. I didn’t even go into his development as a leader from his early fumbling with Young Justice to his strong leadership of the Teen Titans, or how his relationships with Conner, Bart, and Cassie develop so fluidly and realistically over the years.

This is why I love Tim. Characters like Batman are static; nothing that happens to them will ever have a lasting impact, because in the end the character always returns to what they were. Tim, on the other hand, has changed and developed A LOT since his initial appearance. His growth has always been consistent and logical.

When the reboot happened, all of that character growth was lost. Tim was replaced with a jerk who betrayed his friends and cheated on his girlfriend. DC has basically retconned all of this and tried to turn Tim back into who he was, but by taking away all of the things that have happened to him over the years, Tim has lost SO MUCH.

I keep looking for my Tim in recent comics, and I just can’t find him. It breaks my heart, because I love him so much, and it feels like he’s lost to me forever. The most recent Young Justice comic series actually gave me hope; I felt like maybe, finally, someone was going to write Tim correctly. He had his primary friendships back, his relationship with Steph was developing (even if they seem to have completely dropped all the development around Steph’s decision to let Tim think she was dead). The actual book itself wasn’t fantastic, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.

Over the last few days, I read the Batman: Urban Legends books. I actually read the Batman/Red Hood story first, which was fantastic. I was really excited to read Tim’s story (though I already knew how it ended). Jason’s character was handled so well, and he seemed to actually have some character development that will hopefully last. I anticipated the same for Tim.

But Tim’s story was awful. The plot was all over the place—kids are being kidnapped, so Tim has to join a pain cult to get them back? He’s somehow helping Oracle with computer issues while simultaneously questioning witnesses? He’s broken up with Steph, off camera, shortly after telling her how much he loves her, but Steph somehow thinks that they should have a caring relationship where Tim tells her what he’s feeling? Bernard has somehow become a good enough fighter to stand side by side with Robin? Tim STILL doesn’t have a code name? Why is everyone suddenly hounding him about what he wants to do with his life?

It’s just such a mess of a story. If it didn’t end with Tim agreeing to go on a date with Bernard, no one would ever have even mentioned it. There’s nothing particularly re-readable or enjoyable about it.

I actually liked that they brought Bernard back. I really enjoyed him in the original Robin series. It’s been a while since I read that part of the series (I’m actually working my way back through it now). I know Bernard always read as gay to me, yet somehow I felt like he was out of character in these books.

And then, the climax of the story. Tim is bi, or gay, or has at least agreed to go on a date with a boy.

If this had happened in the pre-boot, when Tim was Red Robin and had an actual character arc, I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with it. I do think it would have needed a LOT more build up than it was given here. Tim has always been a very introspective character, and we’ve been party to so much of his internal monologue over the years. It seems very strange to me that such a huge thing just sneaks up on him out of nowhere when he’s never even thought about it before.

But more than that, this story just feels like the final death blow for the Tim I loved. The whole arc is about how Tim doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be. What will his hero name be? Will he go to college? What is he going to do with his life? These are all great questions, and his answer to all of them is… date a boy?

Is this going to be his defining characteristic going forward? From here will we just see Tim exploring and discovering his sexuality? The Tim we have now doesn’t have a family, a team, a purpose, or even a code name. Why was this the thing that DC decided to give us? It feels like they wanted to make a gay Robin and decided it would be Tim because they didn’t know what else to do with him.

It’s stupid, but I honestly feel like I’ve spent the past few days grieving the loss of a loved one. The Tim that DC is presenting now is just not the person that I knew. Tim would never break up with Steph that abruptly for what he admits is no apparent reason. He would never say “just call me Robin, since Damian’s out of town.” Everything that I love about Tim seems to be gone, and in its place DC has given me a date with a boy.

Again, it’s not Tim being not-straight that I have an issue with. I’ve never read the character that way, but it’s something I can live with. My issue is the way it was handled. Why not make Tim an actual person first, and then explore his sexuality? Send him off to college! He’s obviously thinking about it! It’s the perfect opportunity to give him his own book. He can move to a different city, choose a new name, and DC can introduce a whole new set of characters. Figure out which parts of Tim’s backstory are still canon, and which have been dropped. Make him a person again, and then let him explore his sexuality.

I know this post is all over the place, and I don’t have time right now to go back and edit it. I just really needed an outlet for my frustration. Right now it feels like there are so many people who are so excited about Tim being bi/gay, but they don’t know anything else about him. I keep seeing people comment how DC has been “dropping hints for years!” with no evidence other than “he and Superboy were really close!” I guess I’d just really like to have some dialogue with other people who are fans of Tim, rather than fans of Tim-as-bi/gay or fans of Tim-as-straight.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’d honestly like to have a dialogue about it with other long time fans.

#Tim Drake #Red Robin #this is a long one #pre-boot vs reboot #this formatting is a little weird #Batman: Urban Legends 6 #Batman: Urban Legends 5 #Batman: Urban Legends 4

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because-of-a-friend · 4 years ago

Text

Royalty!Hoshi AU

MASTERLIST

Thanks for the request @toffeechuu !!! I really hope you like it, it’s a little outside of my usual writing comfort zone so I hope I pulled through with this one lol

Obviously it was a no

You knew that the answer was an absolute no

You knew you were meant to be the sole ruler of your kingdom

And that if you ever married, it would have to be an arranged one that proposed tactical advantages for your kingdom

There was no way you could be with just anyone

But... Soonyoung...

His parents had worked in your household his entire life so you had known him for almost all of your own

You could distinctly remember meeting him for the first time

You had both been so young

You walked into the stables to greet your favorite of the palace horses

And promptly ran into Soonyoung who was there helping his father

“Hey watch where you’re going!” he exclaimed, worried that you had been hit with the pitchfork he was using to shovel old hay out of the stables

“You can’t talk to me like that!” you scrunched your nose at him, extending your hand expectantly, waiting for him to help you up

“I can talk to anyone any way I want” he grumbled, but did grab your hand to pull you to your feet

“Don’t you know who I am?”

You could easily cringe at how snobby your younger self had been

“Should I?” Soonyoung responded casually

That’s when his father walked in

“Soonyoung, you should treat their majesty with respect!” he pulled Soonyoung into an upright position before having him bow to you

“Your majesty, this is my son, Soonyoung, please forgive his behavior”

You nodded as a sign that it was ok, seeing how red Soonyoung had turned and not wanting to cause anymore trouble

You and Soonyoung interacted often, seeing as you spent plenty of time at the stables

It was nicer out there, away from the hustle and bustle of the palace

And you got to wear play clothes when you went out, which was hardly ever allowed otherwise

And you loved the horses

So you and Soonyoung saw each other often

When you were young children, your time together mostly consisted of running around the palace grounds and playing games you had never really gotten the chance to before

As you got slightly older, Soonyoung taught you how to brush down and take care of the horse that had been dedicated as yours when you were to start riding

And then Soonyoung became an official stable boy at the palace

You tried not to think too often about how he had shot up suddenly one year, his height overtaking your own quickly as the two of you first reached your teen years

But there were times when you’d both be in the stables together, and he’d reach over you to grab reins for a horse, or a brush to groom one

And you couldn’t help but blush every time he leaned over you, towering from above

When you finally started learning to ride, Soonyoung was right next to you the whole time

He’d lead the horse for your first few times riding

And he’s guide you through directing the horse when you started out on your own

Then he’d ride alongside you as you started to get better and riding more independently

Then it became almost a daily tradition for the two of you to go out together

And then spend hours afterwards caring for the horses and walking around the grounds until you were both expected somewhere else

And as you got even older, more adult responsibilities were expected of both of you

And you knew better than to talk about your issues with your subjects

But Soonyoung was your friend

And you really trusted him

So one night you sit together under the moonlight and tell each other everything

This becomes a tradition too

You sneaking out of your window when everyone else in the palace is asleep and running to meet Soonyoung for late night heart to hearts

You both spill your deepest secrets to each other and every thought and complaint and wish and dream

You know Soonyoung better than anyone in the world and he knows you better than anyone else

For the longest time you chalk it up to him being your best friend

But one day you run out to find him in the stables

It’s early so the sun is just rising

Soonyoung is coming to the stables from the outskirts of the palace grounds

The sun is illuminating him from behind with pinks and oranges

He’s wearing a loose, flowy shirt with high-waisted pants

His suspenders have slipped off one of his shoulders

And he just looks so... stoic as he’s making his way through the tall grass towards you

(My obsession with Pride & Prejudice is showing)

There’s a look on him you don’t see often

And you feel this weird feeling in the deepest part of your chest

Like a bubble slowly building inside of it

And it makes you want to burst

If that image of him wasn’t enough

When he approaches you, he greets you with a soft “Hello, your majesty”

And something about the tone of his voice

It feels like the bubble has reached all the way up to your throat

“Hello Soonyoung,” you say gently, “you seem... serious today”

“Just have lots to think about,” he gives you a very small smile

And then suddenly he goes off and you don’t see him for the rest of the day

It’s the first time since you’ve met that you haven’t spent hours of your day with Soonyoung

And you’re just kind of miserable for the whole day

And that night you’re so anxious to sneak out and see Soonyoung

He’s already there at your usual meeting spot

He greets you sheepishly, scratching the back of his head and apologizing quickly for not joining you on your ride that day

“That’s quite alright, Soonyoung, I’m only hoping you’ll tell me why” you say cautiously, hoping you’re not pushing something you shouldn’t

Soonyoung chuckles before extending his arm

You link yours in his, letting him lead you down a path around the palace

At first he skirts around what he’s thinking about, talking about how his day went and then asking you how yours was

“Honestly it was sort of lonely”

He looks guilty for a moment

There’s silence for a bit

“Oh please tell me what you’re thinking of Soonyoung,” you tug on his arm

He clears his throat, looking at you for a moment before avoiding eye contact

“I was offered an apprenticeship in town,” he finally admits

“Oh Soonyoung that’s wonderful! I mean, that’s a great opportunity!” you exclaim, feeling so proud of him

“It is, isn’t it?” his voice sounds sour

“Do you have doubts about it, Soonyoung?”

“I suppose I do, your majesty...”

“Can’t you just call me by my name, Soonyoung, just once?”

“I would if I wanted to be beheaded,” he laughs lightly

“Oh please, like we’d ever participate in such barbaric practices... and like I’d ever tell on you!”

“I know you wouldn’t” he smiles, tugging you slightly closer

“But really Soonyoung, going to live in town and getting all that experience. It would open up so many more opportunities for you and your life. What’s there to stop you from going?”

He smiles at you again

But this time

His smile breaks your heart

There’s so much sadness behind it

“I’m not sure,” is all he says. “Now besides getting ignored by your best friend, what else did you do today?” he jokes as he continues walking

Soonyoung has awhile to give his answer about accepting the apprenticeship

You can see it in his face the whole time he’s considering it

His brow is always frowning with worry

You wonder what it’s like inside his head, to be that worried

You don’t have to wonder for long

Your parents call you in for a meeting one day

And drop the bomb that you have been betrothed

You try your best to hide your displeasure out of respect and understanding the situation you’re in

“I thought I was to be the sole ruler of this kingdom” you say in a measured tone

“Yes,” your father sighs, “but... times are changing, things are more... complicated”

You practically flee from the meeting once you realize there was no way to argue against it

You shut yourself in your room for the rest of the day

You only come out when it’s time to sneak out and meet Soonyoung

You fly across the grounds to find him

Soonyoung is smiling when he sees you approaching but then his face falls when he notices that you’re crying

“Your majesty? What’s wrong?”

“Soonyoung they- they promised my hand in marriage to a prince, I- I’m to get married,” you panted out before your crying overtook your voice

Soonyoung gladly overstepped his boundaries, pulling you into a hug to comfort you

But over your shoulder, his own face is contorting into pain

He too knows the reality and gravity of the situation

And that there’s not much he can do

“I-” he starts before doubting what to say to you

“What do I do, Soonyoung? I can’t do this” you say when he doesn’t speak up

“You... don’t want to be married?” he pries

“I don’t want to be married to him,” you whisper

Soonyoung stutters for a moment before deciding what he has to do

He can’t let you risk your throne and kingdom for him

“I’m taking the apprenticeship”

You pull away from him immediately

“What?” is all you can say

“I’m- I’m leaving” he tries to say it confidently

“Oh,” you feel pathetic for a moment, “I’m happy for you Soonyoung. I just-”

“Just what?”

“I just thought that maybe you weren’t going because...”

Soonyoung pulls a rather ugly expression onto his face and you immediately wince

“You are royalty. If I refused your friendship, it would have been disrespectful”

“Please don’t do this Soonyoung,” you beg

“That was the only reason I was your friend, because I had to be,” he finishes, stepping away from you fully

But you don’t miss the way his voice cracks or the tears beginning to fill his eyes

“Soonyoung wait, can we just talk-”

“I’m leaving tomorrow. Goodbye, your majesty”

Soonyoung turns and walks into the darkness

Your whole world feels like it’s ending

Every day you spend without Soonyoung and getting closer to your wedding day, is another day you feel your happiness dwindling

You try to spend time in the stables but it doesn’t feel the same

And you constantly run into Soonyoung’s father

Who happily tells you how much Soonyoung enjoys being an apprentice

And you’re getting tired of feigning support and joy for Soonyoung when you miss him as much as you do

So you begin to avoid the stables altogether

Soonyoung is doing well at his internship

But every day feels just as joyless for him as it does for you

He hates having to live without you

One day he’s strolling to the local market

His path is interrupted by a parade of carriages

There he is, Soonyoung thinks, the groom to be

Your wedding is coming and soon you’ll be married

The town is suddenly filled with people from the other kingdom, getting ready for the wedding

Soonyoung runs into two of these people at the market

He finds them odd immediately

They’re dressed in all dark clothing and whispering to each other as they side-eye everyone walking near them

Soonyoung moves closer under the guise of inspecting the fruit on the far left side of the stand he’s at

“Yes but do you have the poison, it must be delivered by tonight” Soonyoung’s ears perk up with the words

“Of course I have it, can’t lose what our prince needs to gain complete control over this kingdom”

Soonyoung’s heart stops

Poison

They’re going to poison you

Soonyoung runs to the palace

The whole way from the town

He reaches the palace by nightfall

And barges straight into your family’s first meeting with the prince and his family

You’re staring at him wide-eyed

He’s dripping with sweat, panting so hard he can barely talk

But he can point out the two men from earlier at the market

“Poison,” he pants, “they have poison. They mean to poison your majesty”

A gasp flows through the room before there’s silence

The palace guards take over the two men before searching them and finding the poison

Needless to say, the wedding does not go on

For days everyone is worried for the state of the kingdom

Apparently the king and queen had no idea their son meant to poison you

So there were days of negotiation of peace for your two kingdoms

It was agreed eventually that if the prince faced consequences dealt by his own kingdom, then your own would not declare war

When announcements of the agreement were made, the whole kingdom sighed in relief

Soonyoung hears the news while still working at his apprenticeship

After he had saved you, the castle kind of went into complete shut down

So he just sort of went back to town to continue his work and wait it out like everyone else

Then he gets an official invite to the palace

It’s a dinner to thank him for saving your life

When he arrives he doesn’t even make it to the front door before you appear, running across the yard to greet him

You take him by surprise when you hug him, in broad daylight, in front of everyone

But he quickly returns it

“You know, my parents are very impressed by the man that saved my life... and took care of me my whole life”

You step back and grab his hands to lead him inside

But he tugs you back and stops you from walking further

“Um, your majesty, I need to tell you something,” he says softly

“Soonyoung, honestly, you saved my life, I think you can use my first name”

“What I need to say, your majesty, is that, I didn’t mean what I said that night. I truly care for you and every day without you was misery”

You grin up at him, “I knew you didn’t mean it, I know you better than that. But that other stuff was a nice new touch”

He smiles down at you and allows you to lead him inside

The dinner is grand and your parents fill the time with praise for Soonyoung

Afterwards, they excuse Soonyoung but ask you to stay behind

He waits outside at your usual hang out spot

You sneak out to see him

You both beat around the bush with small talk for awhile as you start your usual walk around the palace grounds

“My parents have decided that if I get married, it should stay within the kingdom” you finally say

“Well, there are plenty of nobles to chose from,” he hums

“Actually my parents have decided that if we’re keeping it within the kingdom, rank does not matter as much. But that part doesn’t matter anyway, I believe they may have already found me a match”

“Oh... who is this match?”

“Well, he grew up close to the family. He knows the ins and outs of the palace. And he’s currently an apprentice and shows a lot of promise, at least in my parents opinion”

Soonyoung stops walking

You stop a few feet ahead of him, staring up at the moon

“And the best part is... I love him”

Soonyoung doesn’t think he’s ever felt happier

“And I would like to marry him, being that he loves me too”

Soonyoung rushes at you

He kisses you hungrily and practically pulls you up off the ground

“Of course I love you, [Y/N], I’ve loved you forever”

You grin, “I like the way my name sounds coming out of your mouth”

“Well, [Y/N], you should know that I’ll happily marry you, and be with you always”

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erdarielthewhumper · 2 years ago

Note

Ask for Meldie - is there anything she *wouldn't* do to be accepted back into the elven community?

-verkja

Oooh, thanks for the question @verkja!

This is actually sort of tough because like. "anything" is a very broad concpet. Which, granted, I did write myself into this, so it is my fault :D

I guess depends on the moment, and what in particular she's being asked to do at that moment. Like, the way I write Meldie, by and large while she's not super compassionate and doesn't go out of her way to help people if she doesn't care for them, neither does she go out of her way to be cruel, even in war or fight. Like I know she'd be willing to break at least most of her standards and morals, but how much she'd be willing to break them is the question, I think

I am instinctively going to say that she probably wouldn't, like, kill a child too young to defend themself or fight. At least not unless you're able to present an extremely good explanation as to why killing that child is crucial, and why that should be the requirement for her exile being ended. Something on the level of like, hard evidence that the child will 100% grow up to be an evil demon lord who would destroy half the world and the only way to avert that is killing them. Overall I think that if you asked her to kill or harm an ordinary civilian, she'd probably want to know why. Depends on the day how thorough of a reason you'd have to give. But just "kill this random person simply because I say so" probably wouldn't fly.

But like, she would fight, she would kill, she would probably agree on a suicidal assassination mission that was like "if you succeed and also survive, you get to come back". She would spy, she would torture, if she believed that someone else had vetted out the people who were to be tortured first, and they were likely to be enemies or traitors or somehow deserving of torture. Once she had done that a while, she'd probably stop caring about whether they were likely to actually have done or planned anything wrong or not. She would betray in a heartbeat all her friends, all her loyalties, every secret she knows of anyone she's ever served or worked for. She would mutilate herself, blind herself, allow her own hands to be cut off, if you were able to convince her that she needed to do so to be allowed to return.

Like, the thing about Meldie is, she's not actually really fundamentally that good. Sure, I like good protagonists, so I mostly tend to write her in situations where either morals don't really come into play, or doing what is necessary for self-interest/survival or for the sake of loyalty or friendship or sworn word is also the right thing to do. But she wouldn't do those things just out of the goodness of her heart, most of the time (sometimes she may take pity on someone, because they're weak and vulnerable, and help them out a bit, it varies on the day, but as a rule, she is not, and I do not intend her to ever necessarily be, consistently good). So, likewise, if self-interest or loyalty or friendship required, she'd do bad things, too. And she could, in the right circumstances, be relatively easily convinced to walk right off the edge and into the darkness and look back never or at least only once it's too late.

But at the end of the day, a lot of it depends on circumstances, I think. Like, if you were able to catch her during a time period when she's alone, running low on money, out of work, and feeling particularly lonely and homesick, it would be much easier than if you caught her during a time when she has a friend or two, a stable source of income big enough to live fairly comfortably, and isn't that lonely. Even just how homesick she's feeling would make a big difference.

Like that longing is always there, and in some ways grows greater in time, because the thing is, time has... kind of gilded her memories of home. Like aside from the exile thing, her life had been stable and happy, she'd been doing something she liked, etc, and she was a bit naive back then, so she didn't really see the injustices around her. So when she was torn away from all of that so suddenly, and thrown out into the world where she knew no one and had to manage all on her own... she kind of over time forgot any faults her home had, aside from the injustice of her exile, which she can easily enough convince herself to believe was a one-time mistake/misunderstanding, because she only ever saw it through the eyes of an innocent naive young woman, while her view of everything she's seen since then has been colored by the harsh life she's had to live and the bitterness and cynicism that life has left her with.

But there are still periods when she's feeling more homesick, like this constant unhealing ache, and ones where it's more just this faint manageable background radiation of longing. And if you find her when she's more homesick, or if you can somehow manipulate her life so that she ends up feeling homesick, it'll be easier to convince her to do horrible things than it would be on one of her less homesick moments, when she'll be able to think things through with a bit more clarity. And of course one thing is that you'll be able to present fairly convincing evidence that you have the authority to allow her return, or represent someone who does, and as much as she'd like to return, she is likely to be a bit suspicious about it, she will want proof of it.

#answered ask #Anonymous #my ocs #meldie

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supercorp-hosie · 3 years ago

Text

Josie and Lizzie personality, dynamics and popularity in reality

I've kind of done this before, like in my thoughts for 315. Now, I've made some additions to them, so I think why not start a new post? There are some points that remained the same with my thoughts for 315 and I've integrated some points from my rating of the writing of Legacies characters too.

Starting from Alaric being an absent father since the twins were 11. Caroline wasn’t there either. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie alone. Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand Bipolar at a very young age; be there when Lizzie had her outburst; constantly checks on Lizzie to take her meds; digest the emotion impacts after the outburst; understand how Lizzie functions when she was down. None of that are easy. No one asks about how Josie feels. How she pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not needing things and always be good so that she can get the love and attention from Alaric (in s1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side). As results, she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie needed them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents (the girl so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. It started a vicious cycle for the twins, shaped their dynamics and how Josie is in present days. Unfortunately, her problems were never solved, they accumulated, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced, as no one has helped her to sort them out. The inner turmoil is always there, leading to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side.When she’s doing bad, she would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and more uncontrollable. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality taking over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it? Fear the dog that doesn't bark.

From Lizzie perspective, we can see how she perceived Josie when they were little. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personal valet? It just showed that after what Josie had endured and done, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t think Josie as her equal? Like Josie was programmed to bow to Lizzie. That’s the twins dynamic showing, partly Josie's mistake, but Josie deserved more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. What really warms me from the Android situation, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, showing that Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. For Lizzie, Josie can really take care of her so well that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess. Remember that Lizzie can’t cook but Josie is like expert in cooking or baking? The knowledge for Android part means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything. Usually that figure should be our parents, but for Lizzie, Josie knows the answer to all. The fact that the special sword was in Josie’s thigh the whole time, just show the trust that Lizzie had in Josie. The security of her needs that Lizzie got from Josie and the validation Josie got from Lizzie, it’s kind of how the codependency between them works. Lizzie voices, Josie listens; Lizzie wants, Josie gives.

About Lizzie mental illness, after my research, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar. Lizzie has this low self-esteem issue, she sees herself lowly sometimes. Evidently, she always thinks that she had to better herself more, even in 310 where she misjudged Finch, she forgot the fact that she had improved a lot along the seasons and just go straight to a retreat, because she thinks she’s still a very bad person. A second before she saw herself like holy almighty, the next second she saw herself so bad that she was like the person in season one (and even in season one she wasn’t that bad). However, we can also see Lizzie thinks very highly of herself sometimes, or uses a narcissistic attitude to cover up her insecurities regarding her self-image, they just doesn't match with people's view of it. The most alarming one must be the whole thing about her funeral. It's clear that she hasn’t had a stable self-image of herself, which is more of a personality disorder rather than Bipolar, a mood disorder. About Lizzie’s mood swings, they are too sudden, abrupt, it triggers by events and the outcome of the trigger is quite immediate. As for Bipolar, the mood swing is more of a consistent cycle, not abrupt. Yes, events might trigger something, but they take time to set in. Patients will be overly energetic during maniac while feeling overly fatigue during the depression state. They can’t actually control their mood, it’s a mood disorder.

Tbh, the twins really have their personality issues to deal with. I totally agree with other about them being each other's foil. Like Lizzie being the one in between, while Josie being the one in extreme. Turning out that under the mean girl cover, Lizzie has such big heart; while Josie being the model sister on the extremely good side, turning out that she can be extremely dark. For real, they had like six personalities as a whole. The polarity in Josie; the polarity of Lizzie's self-image; plus the twins themselves being the foil and mirage to each other. They both have serious mental problems, Lizzie's apparent, Josie's invisible.

How does these reflect on their relationship? People would choose to get along with someone like Josie, they benefit from her habit of caring, listening, giving, and she doesn’t seem to have serious problem. As for Lizzie, people mostly like to be heard and to not be covered by another voice, they would want enough reciprocation, a habit which Lizzie is not that familiar. Not to mention, having a mental condition being well-known is not the best trait for strangers to start a new friendship or relationship. Moreover, when people observe their dynamic, they jump to conclusion rather quickly, that Lizzie is always taking things from Josie; she doesn’t care for Josie, etc. It doesn’t help Lizzie much as Josie tends to hide under that too, as being quiet is kind of a routine for her. She wants the spotlight but habitual instincts make her tend to hide from the spotlight. Therefore, as for popularity,Josie is definitely at the top, adored dearly by her peers, thus won an election herself wasn’t even running; while Lizzie, you know. Between a dog that always barks and one that doesn't bark, which will you choose? (not derogatory) However, if someone attack Lizzie, Josie will still protect her, like she did tell Penelope to leave Lizzie alone.

To shed light on Josie’s jealousy, it rooted from the abandonment issues of the twins. It is a consequence of them being Alaric’s second choice and the absence of Caroline. For Lizzie, the issue remains with only Hope, Alaric’s betrayal for Hope in her fanfics; in 314, people prioritising Hope over her is very triggering; even in 316, the heavenly state she’s in because Ethan asked her out after the whole "Hope is perfect" speech, indicate that how she can’t believe someone would choose her over Hope. As she never thinks that she can hold a competition against Hope and win. Lizzie’s abandonment issue is minimal because of the presence of Josie, it provides the security in Lizzie’s life, as she is the first choice for Josie.

The abandonment issue is worse for Josie. Even if Josie is Lizzie blind spot, this part of Lizzie is not usually make known of. Josie would feel that she is second choice to everyone, including Lizzie. Like the personal valet that has no needs? Lizzie is just 11, but 11 is an important age in shaping people’s security in a relationship. Josie couldn’t have got much security from all her important relationship, hence the abandonment issues. She always feels helpless in them, afraid to voice her needs, desperately needed recognition from her parents which is probably very few. She needs control but she didn’t know the way to get it, so she got none. The insecurities heighten when it comes to her love life, making her easily provoked if she saw something she didn’t like. Results from the habitual quietness, her way of defending herself and gaining control is to lower her competition, like hurting the girl hitting on Landon, being hostile to Hope. She hated Penelope for abandoning her, she remained control mostly, when provoked, Josie’s abandonment issues and the insecurities in being the second choice were triggered so badly that she set her on fire. The time she did what she need to do, she overdid it, because her dark side needs to compensate what hadn't been done to protect oneself and tend to the needs – to balance out the imbalance. As she loses more control over the issue while desperately wants to suppress the need of control, the polarity in her keeps worsening and the dark side of her keeps surfacing.

This is why Josie is written to embrace and take care of herself, tend to her needs, like her never need to better herself. Lizzie is written to constantly better herself when she seems like a better person than Josie. Josie’s issues root from years of neglecting her needs, while Lizzie has years of habit of ignorance on how to care when she does care. Therefore, Josie taking care of herself = bettering herself, providing a balance in her so her mental can be stable even when provoke. If Lizzie cannot construct a good self-image, while getting positive feedback to reassure her self-image disparity, she can never overcome her personality disorder. Hence bettering herself to meet her own needs.

Their behaviours as presented are cultivated and shaped by each other under the unhealthy circumstances of their household. It is not logical to only accuse of one twin regarding their behaviours to each other without bringing the other twin and their parents into consideration.

@legacies-supremacy I still remember our twins dynamic discussion, I hope this bring my response as a whole. Btw, you kind of said that in 106, Josie tell Lizzie to go to their party without her several times and Lizzie waited for her? It's not true.

Regarding the whole situation, Josie spent all her time helping Lizzie get ready. When Lizzie is done, she said, "You’re not even dressed, I don’t want to be late on my own party." Josie said, "I’m done, I’ll catch up with you, okay?" Then Lizzie take off to the party and enter without Josie without question. After wearing the talisman, Penelope appeared. She expresses her desire to continue to make Lizzie uncomfortable or unhappy or angry. Josie wanted Penelope to ease up on Lizzie. Penelope said, "You have crawled so far down the codependence rabbit hole that you think taking care of yourself is selfish. Party starts in five. It’s a shame you spent all of that time helping Lizzie get ready." When Josie was dressed, she needed someone to help her braid, so for once she try something out of desire, she goes to Josette Laughlin. When Josette asked her whether Josie will be late to her own party, Josie said, "no one will notice". She expressed her thought that if Lizzie knew about her crush on Rafael too, the situation will look bad, so she kept silent.

During the party, Lizzie immediately enjoyed herself with MG. They had flirty moves with each other (i think). Once the soft music set in, she immediately changed partner. Penelope was the only one that notice Josie was no where to be seen (meanwhile Josie was getting buried alive). While Alaric encountered Hope to save Josie, Penelope is still the only one actively searching for Josie without request. After Hope met with MG and Penelope, the three of them started saving Josie together. Meanwhile Rafael told Lizzie the truth that he still hadn't moved on. Lizzie seemed like she was starting to melt down, and started asking for Josie. Hope, Penelope and MG saved Josie without Lizzie.

It is what it is, and I'm not blaming Lizzie. The whole getting buried alive thing just kind of enhanced Josie's feeling bad of getting what she desired. I kind of remember that she said that for once she listened to people urging her to pursue her desires and it ended up getting herself buried. Then Penelope like rewarded her with a kiss.

#legacies cw #legacies #josie saltzman #lizzie saltzman #josie x lizzie #twin dynamics #analysis #posie #hope mikealson #penelope park #hosie #milton greasley

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sl-walker · 3 years ago

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All right, since I’m in the middle of a flare and have to work manual labor for the next four days despite it, I figured I would make myself -- and hopefully other people -- laugh by talking about one of my favorite OG Captain Marvel stories. Namely, from Whiz #50, with a cover date of January, 1944, meaning it was probably produced sometime in late 1943.

I want to share it because why not, this is some absurdly charming stuff.

I’ll get more into why it’s one of my favorites as we go, in the form of running commentary. So, full story (with said commentary) under the cut. If you wanna just read the story without my commentary, stick to the pictures. XD

First, let me say that the cover and splash page definitely live up to the story, though the cover’s a bit more sensationalized. But the premise is pretty damn simple: Our intrepid hero and his newsboy alter ego are on vacation. Cap decides to go swimming. It goes hilariously wrong and thus ensues a bit of a madcap adventure, no puns intended.

Second, the fact that Cap and Billy are depicted as essentially different entities makes what Billy does next the ultimate trolling:

Gee, airing out the stolen laundry on the radio? Really? I’ll leave it up to you, gentle reader, whether Billy actually was trolling his own alter-ego for ratings or whether he was just innocently sharing the story while his other-self winced quietly in whatever ether-space he exists in when not front-and-center.

Either way, I love it.

Continuing on...

I get a kick out of the fact that Billy’s monologue is that he’s no dare-devil. One, because that’s so obviously not true in any way -- (that kid is awesomely, sometimes recklessly brave on the regular even without Cap) -- but two, because the bridge is actually named Dare-Devil Bridge. We aren’t given any reason why this dangerous potential death-trap is there, hanging without so much as a gate or a warning sign or anything, because we don’t need one. It’s there specifically for what happens next.

Which, of course, is Billy calling in Captain Marvel, who does some light complaining about the situation Billy left him in. There’s no bite to it, which I find adorable -- Cap actually does get frustrated once or twice in other issues with Billy calling on him for mundane stuff, though he’s never mean about it -- but there is a bit of the sense of being put-upon there that’s just-- I dunno, cute. It’s something I miss a lot in the various post-crisis takes on the character: That duality, that difference in personality, and the way each of them responds to different situations. Often, they’re on the same page, but notably, sometimes, they aren’t.

Someday, I promise, I need to sit down and write how I think that works between those two without being a truly frightening mental illness manifested, what with them being the same person but not the same person. Because I have so many ideas, and I’ve only had since the early-2000s to percolate them. LOL! But until then, just enjoy this.

Here is another reason why I love the Golden Age Captain Marvel books and why I love this specific story: This is an absolutely normal, mundane thing to do. It’s the human thing to do. These aren’t the actions of some super-serious superdude. These are the actions of a pretty shockingly normal guy doing something mundane. And a whole story is built around that normalcy.

It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s the reader already knowing that he’s getting himself into a situation that he absolutely could have avoided, but also completely understanding how it happened anyway. It’s pretty brilliant writing: I say this as a pretty damned good writer myself.

So much of the reason why, I think, Cap was so endearing as a hero is that humanity. He’s got pretty much god-tier power in the Golden Age, once his powerset is established. He’s utterly invulnerable to all physical harm while powered up. But-- he’s human. He knows he’s human. He acts like it, and decides, “You know what? I’m going skinny-dipping.”

He and Billy are both characters it’s so easy to empathize with.

Also, a reminder that the art under Chief Artist C.C. Beck is really, really good. (He had a whole stable of artists to help produce this stuff!) Ignoring registration issues on the printing press, the actual line art is amazingly good; proportion and perspective and consistency.

But anyway--Cap does get to enjoy his swim. But, then, oh no.

I love the idea of a world where the prime hero -- and he definitely is in that world -- can take off his suit and go swimming, and where someone else is bold enough to steal the damn suit off of him. The first time I read this, I started laughing here. Not at him, but at the situation he’s found himself in. At the idea that some random passer-by saw Captain Marvel’s costume and went yoink!

Another thing I love about this particular story is how much Cap and Billy have to work together, just by necessity. Like-- it’s just really good. But anyway, thank everything Billy Batson is on the ball, coming to the rescue.

Sheer bad luck via the weather keeps this story rolling along in hilarious misdirections. Realistically, that uniform probably wouldn’t be all buttoned together (we see Cap take off pieces of it aside the pants in other issues, including socks!), but who cares? The point of the story is that giant bear rug on the floor’s gonna get put to use.

Man, when have you ever seen Superman creeping naked through some stranger’s house wearing nothing but a random polar bear because he went skinny dipping? No wonder these comics sold so well. This next panel is when I start wheezing, though, and pretty much keep wheezing.

“A lady, too! I’ve got to get away from here!”

I’m dying at this point. That’s such a characteristic response, and yet, I think that’s why it’s funny.

Anyway, because this is an excellent story (I mean this without an ounce of irony, too), our dynamic duo stumbles across a plot in play to rob the hotel they’re staying at.

Here’s a big part of why this is such a good tale: Everything fits. Even when it isn’t explained, like Dare-Devil Bridge, it still fits. Why is the tree down? Because there was just a thunder storm, the same one that blew Cap’s suit into the room with the gangsters.

I don’t know if this is Otto Binder’s story, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. It’s a complete story told in relatively few pages that accomplishes everything it’s meant to.

Anyway, using foliage as cover, Cap gets to be heroic----then Billy gets to get back to the business of trying to stop the robbery of the hotel and get his heroic alter-ego dressed again. Which leads to a rather adorable and funny scene of Billy not only trying to describe what Captain Marvel wears, but what size it would need to be tailored in.

(Cap is supposedly a 44 for a suit coat, we find in some earlier appearance, which would refer to his chest size. So, an XL for shirts and suit-coats. He’s a big guy, but he’s actually not a hulking huge guy. But more on that later.)

I love the fact Billy tries to like-- use himself as a model. Maybe in another ten years, kiddo. Billy’s actually pretty buff for like a 12-14 year old, he’s not a scrawny kid at this point, but yeah, no. LOL!

Another thing I also really, really love about this style, though, is that they draw Captain Marvel as being strong, as having a powerful build-- but not as a dehydrated body-builder with deep cuts. He’s got human proportions, regardless of his strength; he’s got a human build, not a superhuman one.

C.C. Beck had a lot of things to say about superheroes who were just muscles on top of muscles, all clearly defined, and he didn’t like it. As someone who first got into comics in the early 90s with Jim Lee’s X-Men--

I do get Beck’s point. I not only get it, but I really highly approve of it. He maintained to the end that he drew (and oversaw) the Marvel family to look like high school and college athletes, and I can see that. I think the one person who’s gotten it right in the modern era is Evan “Doc” Shaner, who did Convergence: Shazam! He not only nailed that strong-but-not-hulking build for Cap, but also how young he looked. College-age, in fact.

But anyway, enough digression into art and why I like this better than most modern takes on the character. Also, that’s just a cute set of panels.

I also like that there wasn’t an easy fix there. Cap’s still in his not-birthday suit, and Billy’s still stuck running around trying to solve the issues at hand. Next comes some other really good panels:

-snorts- He’s locked in. Yeah, that’ll hold him.

Anyway, what I really liked here was again that tandem working; Billy can’t punch through a wall, but Cap can. Cap can’t crawl out while he’s au natural -- well, he could, but he’d probably rather die first -- but Billy’s got no such issue. It’s just fun when you get to see them doing something like that. You have to really think for a minute about the trust each of them must have in their alter-ego.

ANYWAY, we get the rare treat then--

--of Captain Marvel not only yoinking a dude into a dark room, but then stealing his clothes. Except, not his underwear. Because that’s nasty. LOL!

I love that in this series, you do actually get to see him wear other stuff. Go incognito. Get his red suit messed up enough to take it to a dry cleaner’s, wherein he ends up dressed like a musketeer after. Jerry Ordway’s series is, I think, the only other time we see Cap not wearing his famous suit, but it happened enough in the Golden Age that it wasn’t a shock.

Like, I hate to be the one to say this, but I do think DC drops the ball often on just how much you can do with Captain Marvel (or Shazam, depending on timeline, but that’s the wizard’s name to me so mostly I’ll stick with the original name) if you unbend enough to. It’s not just the costume change, or the duality of him and Billy being the same but not, but also his inherent, essential humanity.

But I am digressing again, sorry. XD I just feel strongly enough about these versions of these characters to spend hours writing this.

Anyway, only a single panel later:

And that’s that! Billy Batson has just outed his own alter-ego’s most embarrassing moment to whomever’s listening to WHIZ radio -- thank everything podcasts and the internet weren’t available then, ha! -- and we get to see a recounting of a very fun story.

Like I said earlier, I love this one for its essential humanity. The hero got himself into this mess, he and Billy got him out of this mess, and stopping the criminals was actually just kind of a lucky stroke thrown in there. But even though Cap got himself into this, the story never treats him like he’s stupid. It never treats him like he’s some kind of idiot. You’re laughing, but-- not in a mean way.

I love how human it is. How complete it is. How genuinely funny it is. It’s a thousand times more funny when you genuinely love and respect Captain Marvel and Billy Batson, too.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this dissertation on a skinny-dipping hero. LOL! I enjoyed sharing it with you.

#dc captain marvel #billy batson #shazam #whiz comics

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diamondcitydarlin · 4 years ago

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I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet.

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT??

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting.

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak.

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already)

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess.

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group.

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense.

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him.

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life.

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet.

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings.

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not).

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’.

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are:

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up.

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does.

#guillermo de la cruz #nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #wwdits #what we do in the shadows tv show #long post #meta

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danganronpa-21 · 5 years ago

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No relationship is perfect, even fictional ones (no matter how much we want that to be untrue). What are the worst fights each of your couples have gotten into? For Byakuya and Aoi, what was the worst parent-child fight?

Your question pains me, but I shall answer.

ALSO, TW: Parental Abuse Mentions in Naegiri’s and Kuzupeko’s . Please don’t subject yourself to this if you think it will trigger bad memories or harmful feelings. It is absolutely the last thing I would want for you. Stay safe, and remember to reach out if you find yourself in a position with harmful thoughts or feelings. You don’t deserve to go through anything alone, and you shouldn’t.

NAEGIRI:

**Note: This one in particular is based a lot in headcanon. If you feel differently, that’s totally okay.

These two are a complicated situation. They are deeply in love, but one of their worst fights was actually a series of fights. They all just pertained to one big issue: their engagement to one another.

See, Makoto asked Kyoko to marry him and she very enthusiastically said yes, but they failed to consider another party who felt that they had to be consulted on it. And that third party is Kyoko’s grandfather, Fuhito. Now, there was no way that he was letting this slide — He had kept Kyoko from having any meaningful relationships outside of her work for the most part, and he’d met Makoto. He thought that Makoto was the one putting all of these ideas in Kyoko’s head that Fuhito himself didn’t agree with. He had actually told Kyoko a few times to break it off with Makoto for the sake of her legacy and career, but she had stubbornly refused. So when Kyoko announced her intent to marry him… well, Fuhito was furious. To the point where he actually disowned Kyoko in the middle of her engagement party.

Now, considering that in my personal headcanon, Kyoko has abandonment issues (stemming from the fact that Jin, her mother, her godfather/uncle, and most likely Yui all ‘abandoned’ her in one way or another), this affected her very deeply. Since Fuhito was the one who cared for ever since she was young, and the only stable figure in her life that stayed around for awhile… She actually wanted him to take her back, but wanted to do so without giving up Makoto. As this was occurring and Kyoko was venting out her frustrations, Makoto slowly grew to realize that Fuhito was... not a good parent. She told him tales of being forced to fight for his affection, of being shamed when she failed, of being disallowed privacy and relationships, of being shown conditional love, and of being used to get back at her father. Even Fuhito’s policies on Kyoko’s emotions struck him as totally off. He grew concerned that she’d been groomed into thinking that he was the person who had cared for her before anyone else, and so she revered him.

This is what made the two of them start fighting. Kyoko was trying to get Fuhito back, and he just wasn’t budging. Meanwhile, Makoto was trying to convince her that she shouldn’t be going back to him at all. The differing opinions led to quite a spat between them, as Makoto didn’t want to force her to do anything but didn’t want her to go back to someone who was clearly bad for her. Kyoko, on the other hand, understood Makoto’s side of things but still found herself rooted in her emotions. She spent a lot of time fighting with herself, knowing that Fuhito was bad for her, but still feeling like she should go back to her relationship with him. This ended up manifesting her relationship with Makoto, and it got so bad that she actually called off their engagement once or twice as she tried to figure things out. Thankfully, they did get back together, but they remember it as a pretty harsh time in their relationship.

KUZUPEKO:

If the fight started with someone, just putting it out there: it probably started with Fuyuhiko. He’s the more confrontational of the two, more prone to stirring up trouble if he’s not careful. And he wasn’t. Their biggest argument probably started a couple months into the two of them sort of having a flirtationship. If you can recall, the two of them originally agreed to not officially start dating until Peko could get herself into a position where she wasn’t so reliant on this idea that she was Fuyuhiko’s tool and nothing else. I think her struggle to abandon this idea was why the two of them started fighting in the first place. They were probably taking a walk together, having a pleasant conversation, when Peko brings it up without thinking. At this point it’s almost like reflex to her, saying she’s happy to walk with Fuyuhiko if it’s “what her master needs from her”. This probably isn’t the first time it’s happened in their little walks, and I think that’s what sets Fuyuhiko off.

Has Peko been getting better with this kind of thing? Of course. He’s impressed with the progress she’s made so far. But so often, she still keeps regressing to treating him like her master, and it’s begun to get under his skin in ways he can’t describe. In this particular moment he feels himself losing a bit of patience with her, and without thinking about the repercussions of having done so, he snaps at her. It takes Peko entirely by surprise, and for a moment, she’s not sure how she’s going to react... but then the hurt comes bubbling up before she can stop it.

All of these words come tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them, reminding Fuyuhiko that it was for him that she became a tool, and that it was his parents that pushed her to be that way. She asks how he can dare shout at her for not doing a good enough to job to fix the problem that his parents caused. I’ll let anyone reading this decide whether or not she starts to tear up at the mere suggestion that this is somehow her fault.

And while Fuyuhiko cannot stand to see Peko so upset, there’s a part of him that’s hurt, too. How could Peko suggest that he would ever want that for her? The hurt from her words comes flaring up before he can stop it, and he asks her whether she’s felt this way their whole lives. Peko narrowly avoids the question, and to Fuyuhiko, that’s the only answer he needs. He leaves without another word — well, almost without another word. When Peko asks where he’s going, he promptly tells her to leave him alone from there on out.

And that’s where they leave it that night. From then on, it’s a series of horrible silences between the two of them whenever they’re together. Their friends repeatedly try to repair their relationship as Peko’s search for her own identity goes on, but they are unable to get the two to reconcile for at least a week. Peko wishes to reconcile with Fuyuhiko but feels like she doesn’t know how to, so she enlists a team of friends to help her out. Her little team consists of Mahiru, Ibuki, and Sonia — the girls who are usually most gung ho about helping her out with the whole identity thing. They devise a proper way for Peko to disclose her feelings and explain herself, without hurting Fuyuhiko’s feelings further. Meanwhile, Fuyuhiko is interested in fixing things too, but... he’s a little too stuck in his own feelings to figure out how he’s going to do it.

So to help him figure things out, Hajime puts on his therapist hat and sits Fuyuhiko down to talk about his feelings. They spend hours detailing his childhood with Peko and how their relationship came to be what it is. Hajime helps him work through his side of things, and then, when he’s calm enough, they work through Peko’s side — and Fuyuhiko is reminded why she might feel the way that she does. Extra care is taken to explain to him why she might feel like that, and slowly but surely, Fuyuhiko relaxes and realizes that he made a mistake. After calming down and coming up with apologies, the two are able to talk it out and end up feeling a lot better... but it’s still the most that they’ve ever hurt each other.

SONDAM:

Honestly, I don’t think Sonia and Gundham are big fighters. Like I know every couple fights and it’s totally natural, but I don’t think that they probably fight all that much. When they do fight, though, I imagine that it gets heavy. They can both be skilled at shouting and make everything awkward for everyone else by doing that.

The subject of their biggest argument, though, would probably be the whole “can we get together” argument that’s born mostly of caution and sadness, rather than actual anger. Per someone’s writing request, I did write about this (https://danganronpa-21.tumblr.com/post/613213832365670400/if-i-may-intrude-upon-this-event-could-i-have-a), but a short explanation would be that the two of them get into an argument over whether they can actually be together. They are mutually in love with each other, but due to Gundham’s perception of his demon blood, he refuses to put Sonia in that kind of danger.

And in spite of me having written it, I imagine the argument spans beyond the written one. Sonia likely was not ready to let things end the way they did, and attempted to persist with the relationship talks. Gundham, on the other hand, was persistent in his attempt at resisting. Several times they tried to sit down and have a discussion about each other’s side of things, but it always ended up being very emotional with both of them insisting upon their respective sides. Sonia would end up teary-eyed, promising Gundham that she didn’t care about what dangers it could present, and that she wanted him to at least try to be with her. On Gundham’s side, he’s adamant that she silence her feelings for him because no matter what, he’s convinced that he will hurt her. He’s convinced a close relationship with her will only put her through intense pain. He cares too much for her to risk it.

And that’s where their friends come in. After watching them have their heartbreaking back and forth, they try to devise a plan to convince Gundham that the relationship is safe to pursue. After all, they both want to be together. It’s just that Gundham’s demon blood makes him worry that he simply can’t be with Sonia. So what do they do? Put Mikan on the case. She’s a nurse, and thus has a convincing understanding of anatomy. If they can show her how to act convincingly enough, they know they’d be able to persuade Gundham to give a relationship with Sonia a chance.

So that’s exactly what they do. Since Mikan had already done blood tests on all of them in the past to get their results (in case of a need for it) and to ensure that they were all healthy after being Remnants, all she had to do was open up Gundham’s files and try to convince him with some technical jargon. Which is what she ended up doing, claiming that she had done some advanced tests on his blood which did equate them to being half demon and half angel, but that they had come back with a muddled result -- one that indicated that Gundham might have some semblance of control over who would be able to touch him. She claimed that should he wish it, it would be possible for him to safely come in contact with Sonia and any of his other friends, so long as he trusted them enough.

And that big fight? It was over from there. As soon as Mikan had them both convinced, that was where it ended.

YASUKANON:

I think the really big thing that Yasuhiro and Kanon ever get into a fight about is when Kanon gets pregnant with their first child, Leon. While her announcing her pregnancy and their engagement were a happy moment that coincided with all kinds of glee, actually preparing for marriage and family life is something entirely different for them. Though they do have Hiroko around to guide them and help them avoid the same mistakes she and her ex made... It’s still really, really hard for them.

I think what they get into a fight about is each other’s behaviours. While the pair love each other very much, I imagine going into marriage and motherhood, Kanon starts to get concerned with Yasuhiro’s more... childish approaches to life. She worries about whether or not they rushed into this, and whether or not they’re ready to have a child together. The more she looks at their life together, she starts to notice that maybe they’re not, and greatly questions what they are getting themselves into. Yasuhiro, on the other hand, doesn’t see any of what they currently have going as a problem. He’s under the impression that everything is in place, and that they’ve set themselves up to have a perfect life. I imagine this is probably a product of their conflicting upbringings. Kanon’s family was wealthy and her parents were able to cater to her in many different ways, so her home with Yasuhiro and her being in college at the time didn’t seem like much. Not including Hiroko’s income, they only have what Yasuhiro gets from his job at Hope’s Peak — at this point, Kanon would be doing post-Tragedy college, so most of her energy would be focused on school. The two of them really hadn’t even been together that long when Yasuhiro proposed, either, versus what Kanon knew love to be growing up. It’s a constrast to what she knows, but similar to what Yasuhiro grew up with — maybe even better! So he doesn’t see why it’s a big deal.

Unfortunately, this comes across to Kanon as “not taking their situation seriously”. And while she’s not so insecure in her relationship with Yasuhiro as to accuse him of actually not caring, she is deeply worried that he doesn’t realize the gravity of their situation. That general anxiety manifests into a sort of accusatory behaviour, which starts the fight with Yasuhiro. When she starts throwing out the idea that he doesn’t care about their situation in the way that he should, his feelings are pretty hurt. He loves Kanon, and he already loves their baby, so he doesn’t understand why she would ever think that he doesn’t care. So the two of them end up in an argument about Yasuhiro not caring and Kanon not understanding that this is just how he cares.

It eventually ends when the two decide to break off the argument and take some time alone. Hiroko ends up sitting down to talk with Kanon and explain things. Sort of telling her tales of what life was like when her son was growing up, and why he might not think their current status is such a big deal. Furthermore, she pledges her support to the couple and ensures her that she, too, wants to help take care of her grandchild.

“I’ll teach you two to be independent, but I don’t mind helping you out a little bit so you can stay on your feet while you’re learning.”

After that conversation, Kanon would eventually go apologize to Yasuhiro for the way she acted. She’d assure him that she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, and that she was really just scared because she’d never been in this position before. Yasuhiro would accept the apology, and apologize too for making her think that he’s unreliable. They promise to be as reliable as possible to each other from there on out, and foster a good home life for their future child.

AOI AND SAKURA:

Coming up with something for Aoi and Sakura to fight about is... hard. They’re both kind and cheerful people, and they really do get along well. I think the subject of their worst argument was absolutely someone that Aoi was dating.

Now, Sakura’s not usually rude about the people Aoi dates. She just wants her mother to be happy, and as long as the person treats her well, she doesn’t mind.

However, this would be one of the situations in which Sakura finds that this person isn’t treating her mother properly. And unfortunately, it’s in a way that isn’t noticeable to Aoi. This partner is a guy I’m just going to call Kenzou, for the sake of giving a name. In Aoi’s presence, I’d think he comes across as a charming guy. He claims to think that Aoi’s a real catch, but doesn’t treat her as such. He’s such a smooth talker that a lot of the shadier stuff he does tends to go right over other people’s heads, but it never goes over Sakura’s.

Kenzou absolutely plays mind games with Aoi. Pushing her to spend less time with her friends and her daughter and more time with him, breaking up with her over little things and then rushing to get back together with her the next day, and probably even bringing other women around to make her jealous. She ends up so convinced by the good times the two of them end up having together that she doesn’t consider the bad to be that big of a deal. Thus, she ends up getting kind of defensive when Sakura suggests that Kenzou might not be the right guy.

Aoi wonders why her daughter would tell her something like this, assuming that maybe she’s just not comfortable with the idea of her mother dating someone so seriously. Rather than being upset with her initially, she sits her daughter down and has a discussion with her about Kenzou. She tries to calmly talk to her about how she feels, but Sakura only ends up more upset. She ends up insisting that her mother doesn’t get it, for she’s actually upset about the way Kenzou treats her. Sakura gives her best attempt at explaining why she thinks Kenzou is a bad fit, but Aoi ends up hurt and they argue briefly.

The only reason why it’s a brief argument is because Sakura chooses to just shut it down, resulting in a tense evening between the two of them with limited words and interactions. Before bed that night, Aoi attempts to reconcile with her daughter, but Sakura is unwilling to hear it. It’s unusual for her to be so stubborn on something, so honestly, it does make her mother worry. Aoi sleeps really poorly that night; she can’t stop thinking about what Sakura told her. Come the morning, she calls up Kenzou to meet him for coffee, and dumps him.

When she returns home to tell Sakura what happened, Sakura is initially rather apologetic about “making her break up with her significant other”. Aoi immediately dismisses the thought, giving her daughter a big hug and thanking her for looking out for her. She then apologizes for not listening initially, promising to take her concerns about her partners seriously from there on out.

BYAKUYA AND JUNICHI:

Their biggest fight is definitely an identity fight. About who Byakuya thinks Junichi should be, versus who Junichi wants to be. The fight doesn’t end up going exceptionally far because Junichi still finds himself bound by Byakuya’s expectations, but also because he’s only nine. He’s unfortunately pushed through the expectations and demands of his father as he isn’t old enough to “know better”.

It starts with Junichi doing poorly on a task Byakuya assigned him as apart of his son’s “personal studies”. And when I say doing poorly, I mean totally screwing up. Like little Junichi just bombs it. Can anybody really blame him? He’s nine years old. He’s not prepared for this kind of thing yet. Of course, Byakuya doesn’t see it that way. He has high expectations for his only son.

This leads them to start arguing about whether or not Junichi is trying hard enough with his studies and if he’s fit to be the Togami heir since he apparently “doesn’t care about his studies”. Naturally, Junichi is angered by his father’s suggestion that he doesn’t care. After all, his whole life he’s tried to do everything he can to please his father, including throwing away or hiding certain parts of himself that he might want to embrace. He’s done all of that in favour of being the perfect heir that his father wants; only for Byakuya to suggest that he doesn’t really care and doesn’t want it that bad. The mere idea is so infuriating for Junichi that he just up and refuses to speak to Byakuya for three days.

It’s a frustrating three days for the two of them for sure. Byakuya continues to try and lecture his son about taking his responsibility seriously, about not acting so childish, and about not respecting his elders... yet to no one’s surprise, the speeches don’t sink in. Junichi keeps right on ignoring his father for what he accused him of, and furthermore actively refusing to do any of the things his father expects of him. All expectations are thrown out the window, and god it kills Byakuya. Here he is, with his one and only shot at having an heir, and he’s beginning to realize that he’s completely ruining it -- not only just from a Conglomerate standpoint, but from a fatherly standpoint. At the rate he’s going, he’s certain that the boy is going to grow up to hate him. He knows he’s going to have to do something.

And honestly? Given that this is a reoccurring issue with the two of them, I’ll admit that I don’t think that they ever solved it entirely. But I absolutely believe Byakuya was able to stop Junichi and apologize for accusing him of not caring, and explaining that he was putting pressure on him because that’s how he was raised. Given that he had to try and beat his other siblings, Byakuya had the responsibility to try and be the best all the time. In his head, he thought that he should raise Junichi the same way, but the problem became that Junichi had no competition. Shaming him into wanting the title wasn’t going to make him want it anymore. So he insisted that they try to work together more from there on out, to fix things as best they could... It’s tough to say whether it worked, but it at least got Junichi to start talking to him again.

#danganronpa 21 #naegiri #kuzupeko #yasujima #sondam

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articlewritingbd · 4 years ago

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The web has plenty of people sharing them on the internet success tales. Hopefully, reading this is one tiny action in yours.

#article #article writing #content #content marketing #content writing #web content #web2.0 #guest post

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mcybebailey · 5 years ago

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ʻ / wow , i am so excited to introduce bailey pyo to our current students at cape coral . she is extremely excited to join the film club . coming in as an 21 year old freshmen , they shouldn't worry about fitting in . the cis female taurus has always reminded me of park sooyoung , but some people don't see it . trying to keep the fact that she has dropped out of three different colleges in the past few years and her parents used their connections to obtain the scholarship from getting around this school is going to be tough . no worries , though , cape coral will create a new life for them , i assure you . ʼ

hi!! omg hi everyone i’m jala (gmt +8) wow i’m so excited to be here wow i’ve been lurking on this group for so long and i took the chance to apply once i saw it. this is my quiet bub who’s Trying(TM) and i have her somewhat complete bio HERE but under the cut is a bit of a sparknotes version and some connection ideas to help with plotting hopefully (and i’ll have a proper wanted connections page up soon) - but really i’m up for all the plots!

STATS

full name: bailey yerin pyo

nickname(s): bay, bays, pyo

birthdate: 20th april 1999 (taurus)

hometown: san francisco, california / moved to portland when she was 10

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

languages: english, korean

orientation: graysexual biromantic

major: (eventually) media studies, with a literature minor

faceclaim: park sooyoung (joy)

distinguishable features: soft & sleepy like eyes, a beauty mark on her nose, a nick on the left side of her jaw

aesthetic: worn out sneakers, naps under the warm sun, surprising tenacity, oversized flannels, band-aids plastered on the skin, postcards meticulously stuck on walls, blending into the background, weathered copies of books, quiet but not blind, soaking in the bathtub until the water goes cold, long raven-coloured hair, smelling faintly of lavender.

( - ) blunt, anxious, lazy, stubborn, cynical, cannot handle pressure, selfish, quiet, insecure, overthinker

( + ) tough, observant, warm, perceptive, poised, mature, headstrong, creative, quirky

THINGS TO KNOW

[ tw for mentions of anxiety disorders ]

bailey’s a scholarship student! by not so honest means but she’s genuinely doing pretty good since she’s actually putting in effort into making sure her life is in Check. she’s by no means a teachers pet, and just in general doesn’t... bring much attention to herself.

genuinely kind of has a talent for blending into the background and disappearing from situations she doesn’t want to be in - which really has helped as much as it’s damaged her young life. she’s mousy and quiet by default, usually reading or writing a whole bunch.

likes to nap in between classes in quiet and/or strange corners on campus as she progressively finds them. she likes to say she has a talent for sleep, which really it’s impressive how quickly she can sleep and how she can w wake up from naps at the right times

really, she’s trying this time to be more social and make friends. she’s put herself off from it for so long that she figures it’s time you know? it’s not like she has any particular difficulty with it (unless it’s in a large group setting ie: in front of classrooms then... whew) - bailey is genuinely a warm person when talked to albeit maybe a tiny bit blunt. she just happens to be in her own head a lot.

that being said she’s extremely calm - almost too calm that’s it’s really a way she copes to try and not be anxious constantly. it works, for the most part, thankfully and it’s been keeping her stable enough mental health wise. keeps her from any more college-dropping-out-inducing incidents with her anxiety. (that being said she’s Big Anxiety internally)

kind Notices things very easily. she’s an observer and have been since she was younger but since becoming quieter as she’s grown, it’s just become more heightened. it’s not like she voices out these things willynilly, but she likes to keep these things in mind. makes for good inspo when she’s writing tbh.

her family fits snugly into the upper middle class tbh! she has two younger sister, one who’s doing pre-medicine in an ivy league school, so a lot of the family funds are going into paying for that sister’s college. also her past of dropping out really has her parents not trusting her anymore - which was why she ended up in parker community college in the first place.

she’s really... like straight edge, completely by choice! she’s genuinely not interested in drinking or drugs it’s just not her thing? (she’s got enough on her plate tbh) she is trying to be more social and is trying to go to parties but she’s just been Struggling tbh it’s not really her scene? also partly why she is not that Experienced compared to her peers in intimate matters? the closest she’s had is a couple of “almosts” from high school that ended up going nowhere

a ho for all kinds of media - she’ll talk your head off about the things she’s watching/reading if ever explicitly given the chance.

SONGS

i just by red velvet - that smidgen of hope, of (trying to) leave all past troubles and actually try now. the mindset bailey is trying to get into now that she’s in cape coral and moving on with her life! her attempt at being a proper adult now and for her to just leave the past behind. the contrast of the driving edm with the heavy-ish lyrics also feels like it’s very bailey in terms of her mind and thoughts.

busted & blue by gorillaz - the song's feel captures bailey’s vibe overall, it’s chill, slightly downer in tone, but has a hint of hope as well within the words. the lyrics, too, feel like they were written in her voice. kind of similar to how she’d write a poem, for example, especially during her very tumultuous period of life when she was in and out of school and truly starting to understand herself. It’s less a song that relates to her and more a song that emulates her in some ways.

class of 2013 by mitski - really explains her confusion and hesitance to grow into adulthood. it’s something she’s felt that she’s not suited for but life really doesn’t care about how she feels so she’s going to keep growing. so she ends up trying to cling on to years past even if there’s really nothing there for her anymore. It’s really not helped by her rather poor mental health and the song doubles down on that feeling of progressively feeling more and more inadequate.

SOME LIGHT INSPIRATIONS: azusa nakano (k-on!), michelle (mcu spiderman), kat stratford (10 things i hate about you), eva kviig mohn (very early skam season 1), haruhi fujioka (ouran)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone who just kinda sees her y’know? probably a person who’s found her weird spots and they’re slowly like beginning to share these spaces and such. which would partly weird her out because she’s been so used to just making herself not be seen and has been very successful doing it for so long. but it’s obvious she likes it and wants this person around more.

pre-scholarship parker community college friend(s)! bailey would’ve definitely started Trying when she got to parker so possibly someone she grew close with then and them getting the scholarships together would’ve been great for bay because she’s not alone again lmao

old friends from when they were younger? maybe family friends? her dad has a pretty large reach tbh so it’s possible she would’ve accidentally known some people from even before this.

someone to try and get her out more and Live A Little. can be ~corrupting~ her or a bad influence, but mostly just someone to drag her out of her room and be daring and bold! she can at the same time, be a calming presence for them to just chill out with her

a crush! a few crushes! a flirtation! bailey crushes really easily tbh but she also gets over them just as quick so however you’d want to play it out i’m up for that!

ooOOH someone who’s very forward in flirting with her and bailey actually gets super flustered? like she just wouldn’t know how to deal with it and she’s not sure if she likes it or not (probably likes it a lot). but she’s just not used to this kind of attention that it throws her off big time.

a work out buddy lol she’s been pretty successful with consistently doing weekend jogging/walking so something could be built from there?

honestly any of the above can be combined with each other but either way: all the plots! gimme i would love theeemmmmmmm allll - frienships, romantic ships, antagonistic stuff, ALL OF IT.

#capecoral:intro #( ooc )#wow hi aahhhhhhh i'm so Excited

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aliceslantern · 5 years ago

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Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 6

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3 Chapter summary: Vexen returns to Radiant Garden and becomes Even again, but relationships at the castle remain tense and awkward. A new arrival further mixes things up.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

He finds the boy outside, his eyes turned skyward. He looks exhausted; Vexen’s able to get uncomfortably close before Ienzo notices his presence. The boy’s head snaps down.

They hold eye contact for a very long time.

“Even,” he gasps.

He smiles. Sweat is crawling all along his body, pain in his chest; but he tries to remain composed. “Oh, little one. It is good to see you.”

“This was your doing," he says. “You… you could’ve told me, you know.” A wry smile.

“I’m a coward. What else can I say? The thought of speaking to you again was more than I could bear. This was the only way I could begin to atone.”

Vexen can see the weight of exhaustion within him. He’s positive the poor boy hasn’t rested a whit more than was necessary to remain alive. “I suppose you know you were successful,” he says softly. “Xehanort is dead. It’s over.”

Vexen’s feeling faint now. “Is that so,” he says.

“Even?” Ienzo asks. “Are you alright?”

He collapses before he can say anything more.

When he wakes, he’s in his own bed in his old quarters, not the med bay. His fever has broken, leaving him covered in a thin, unpleasant film of sweat. His body feels odd to him, achy. And while he feels a faint throb of remorse, it’s not nearly as strong as after the first reformation. He forces himself to his feet, wincing at the pain in his head.

All of a sudden he feels old; his joints ache in a disorienting way. He knows he’s nearing fifty (or, depending on just how long he’s been hiding, has passed it), but for the first time it’s a tangible number.

Even forces himself to his feet and lurches over to the mirror over the dresser. He’s breathing hard. He looks terrible--flushed, sweaty, his hair disgustingly greasy--but this doesn’t matter.

His eyes are green, not gold. The piece of Xehanort’s heart inside of him has perished. He knows this almost instinctively.

It truly is over.

Perhaps for this reason, he sinks to his knees and sobs.

---

Just because Xehanort is dead and Even is human again, that doesn’t mean there’s time for leisure. He’s weak and underweight from his weeks of hiding, but he tries not to spend undue time in bed unless it’s unavoidable. He stumbles through interpersonal contact--reunions, conversations--in a numb haze.

The castle is exactly the same, but it’s gone through hell. Everything is either filthy, or broken, or misplaced, or some combination therein. His own human clothing, when he roots through the drawers, has been eaten by moths and mice alike. And seeing that Ienzo has co-opted his lab coats for himself--in the moment he needed them far more--he spends more time in those early days sewing than anything. It feels good to make something with his hands.

His lab is desolate, desecrated, fragile glass doors broken, supplies stolen, missing, or compromised. He spends days cleaning and reorganizing. It doesn't seem to do much good.

They've been left another replica by one of the true vessels. It was its user's desire that it go to Naminé. With Kairi presumed dead, it was a logical fallacy to figure out how to seek her heart; he and Ienzo spend hours in circular discussion, but neither of them can come up with anything good. The best they can do is prepare the replica for implantation, and wait. Ansem, quietly, is nearby, as he seeks to apologize to the girl. Apparently he wasn't the only one who suffered a great deal of moral degradation. This is actually a comfort to Even, because as the days pass, his remorse again goes heavier. He lacks composure; often he gives in to fallacies of weakness, breaking down almost distantly when he has moments to himself.

It doesn't take long for Naminé to arrive. It occurs to Even that not everything about the heart is possible to understand. When she wakes, the three of them are there. It will always give him a thrill, to see the replica go from a genderless, colorless sort of mannequin to a realized human being.

She sits up. Slowly. She seems a bit dizzy. Ienzo tries to assuage her, but it's Ansem who speaks first. "My dear girl," he says. "I am truly sorry for what we've all put you through. I realize we have not made your existence easy; that, in fact, I have made it something of a hell. I hope that, with this new chance, you can find peace. And if there's anything--any small thing--we can do to assist you, let me know at once."

Naminé seems to struggle with her words. Even takes her vitals, notes with a distant pleasure how stable they are; she's taken to this body like glue, exactly as easy as Roxas and Xion did theirs. "Where's Roxas?" She asks.

"At Destiny Islands, waiting for you," Ienzo says gently. "Riku has arrived to bring you there, should you desire it."

Her blue eyes gleam. "Yes. That's what I want." She looks slowly at each of them, but it's Ienzo's eyes she seeks (she's had the smallest amount of trauma with him) when she asks, "Kairi… where is she?"

"We're not sure," Ienzo says. "Sora is seeking her… I'm sure he will find her, if he's determined enough."

Even has known Ienzo for years. He knows when he is lying. Zexion was better at it. Despite Ienzo's trepidation, Naminé nods. "Then I should wait for her," she says. "I can just… go?"

"Of course," Ienzo says gently. "I can escort you, if you like."

She shakes her head. "That's okay," she says. "Thanks."

"It's the least we can do." Ienzo gives her a gummiphone, a brief tutorial on how to use it. "So you can be in contact with your friends."

"My friends." She smiles. "He's just outside?"

"Yes. He'll be waiting."

They all watch her go. There are a few moments of awkward silence. Ansem faces Ienzo. "You've done well, my boy," he says gently, and though Ienzo nods, Even can see his eyes on the floor. "You should get some rest. You look exhausted."

"There's still so much to be done," Ienzo says. "The computer must be tidied up--I'm afraid the committee and Sark have--"

Even touches his shoulder, feeling the boy flinch just the slightest at the unanticipated touch. "You've worked so hard. I know human exhaustion is still unfamiliar to you, but your body is more fallible than a Nobody's. You need rest, fluid, and dare I say it, a few square meals." He tries to smile. "Please sleep, Ienzo. You are no longer so alone."

Even wonders if he's imagining it, or if Ienzo's eyes are watering. "I… will try," he says softly. "Please don't hesitate to wake me if you need anything."

"I'd much rather see you healthy," Ansem says. "Go, my boy. It's alright."

They watch him go. And then it's the two of them.

"Well," Even says. "I do have some affairs to attend to. I should like to write a report about Naminé's implantation."

"...Certainly."

Even takes a few steps, then hears Ansem's voice:

"Even?"

"Yes, Master?"

"How are you faring?"

He meets Ansem's rusty eyes. There's still something missing from them. "Healthy enough," he says. "Realizing I am old, as well as a fool. I've no idea where to begin unraveling what I've done."

"You're not the only one," Ansem says. He shakes his head.

"What is it you've done?" Even asks, incredulous.

Ansem chuckles darkly. "More than sit limply in the realm of darkness, I'm afraid."

"...I see." His heart is beating hard--anxiety, and repulsion. "If it's… all the same, I should like to take my leave."

"Of course. You needn't my permission anymore."

He scoffs a little. "I wasn't asking for it."

---

Even doesn't feel quite right; he doesn't feel at home here, and neither, he suspects, do the others. For the most part, they avoid one another aside from the lightest and most superficial greetings. Even knows he needs to confront them, for any number of reasons--their mistreatment of the boy Ienzo, the atrocities they committed in the Organization, the fact that they threw Ansem into the darkness--but he does not feel able. He doesn't feel able to do much at all, actually.

He can feel the basement in his periphery, its suffering, his own follies like a magnet--

Even finds it difficult to consistently keep down foods, to sleep. He knows it is likely stress, and he sees the numbers when he draws his own blood. But how to alleviate any of this pain? How to begin? How to start to atone?

With the weight of his own burgeoning humanity, he feels nearly incapacitated. He tries to write, to create reports detailing all that happened--if so to organize his own thoughts--but often he finds himself staring into space. For the first time he despises his awareness, his intelligence, because Even is acutely aware he is becoming depressed.

Nobodies’ minds largely reject mental illness, mostly to ensure survival of the body. But as a human, it’s all coming back, the repercussions. And if the mental health situation was bad for Radiant Garden before, now it’s completely desolate.

Worsened by facts of the Fall.

Ienzo brings him tidings of it, quietly--the young man went to visit with the restoration committee, to see if there was any more news worth passing on. He’d left his lab coat at the castle. Without apprentice or Organization garb, the boy looks downright strange in civilian clothing. His teal eyes are empty, and drawn from exhaustion. “Even,” he says in an odd voice. “Have you several moments?”

“...Of course. Ienzo? Are you alright? You look ill.”

“Leon was… catching me up on town affairs,” he says slowly. “I knew this world fell, and was restored, but to hear the stories of it…” He swallows thickly and won’t make eye contact. Even gestures for him to sit on one of the stools in the lab; he does, heavily. “He… was kind enough to insist that it was not our fault. But we planted the seeds. Even. ”

“...I know.”

Slowly, Ienzo nods.

“I’m sure what you feel must be overwhelming,” Even says softly. “You’re no longer used to emotion, how it physically impacts the body. But don’t let it weigh so heavily, Ienzo. You were a child--mentally ill and manipulated. This has nothing to do with you.”

“I should have known better. And that doesn’t begin to touch what I did after.”

He doesn’t know what to say, where to even begin. “Child--”

He swallows, blinking quickly. “I… I have something I must attend to.”

Even should’ve followed him, tried harder--but he can’t.

---

In strange moments, he finds himself thinking of Demyx. Not quite with fondness, or even concern, but curiosity and a sort of worry. If Xehanort’s heart had been purged from Even, it should have been purged from the boy as well--meaning he’s lost his means to travel. Yet, he worries. What if a piece of Xehanort remains? The others worry about it too, to a smaller degree; they talk about it in hushed voices. Easier to discuss this than the emotional rot.

It turns out he doesn’t have to worry long.

In a moment ripped clean from the past, Dilan approaches him in his quarters. “Have you a moment?”

“That depends.”

“There’s something I think you’ll want to see.”

Dilan brings him not to the med bay, but rather to one of the empty apprentice rooms--one of the ones that, had they been graduated, would likely have belonged to Isa or Lea. Even sees the black heap on the bed. “We found him about half an hour ago,” Dilan says. “He was asking for you.”

Even approaches Demyx slowly. He’s unconscious, shuddering--no doubt in the throes of a fever like Even was.

“Why has it taken so long?” Dilan asks.

“Dilan, I know it’s been a while since we’ve been researchers, but I trust you did not forget about relativity.” If Demyx has been shuffling from world to world--each with its own different time signature--it makes sense that, to him at least, this is only happening now. To his body, Xehanort has only just been defeated. “I know what this is. The part of Xehanort’s heart that’s been instilled in him is dying.” He rolls up the boy’s sleeve, begins taking his vitals, wondering all the while if his were anything like this. Racing heart, fever, low blood pressure. “Would you do me a favor and get the boy some blankets?”

“Will he--” Dilan hesitates, and his lip curls. “What will become of him?”

“I’ve no idea.”

“But this means he is--”

“Unable to leave Radiant Garden, yes.” Even looks at him. “Please. Sooner rather than later. He is very unwell.” As gently as he can, he eases off Demyx’s boots, his ragged and muddy coat. No doubt as soon as the pain started, the boy sought him for help--he knew no one else to turn to. He settles the boy onto his side, a precaution in case he should vomit, and covers him.

Dilan watches this with a sort of morbid fascination. “He really did help you?” he asks, incredulous. “He really… turned against the new Organization?”

“In his own way. I’ve no idea why--but I’m grateful.”

“I should tell the others.” He shakes his head. “Do you remember the boy’s name, from the old life?”

Even frowns. “You know, I don’t,” he says. “I’m afraid I never paid much attention to the neophytes.”

“Very well. I’m sure he’ll tell us when he wakes.” With a scowl, Dilan leaves.

Even brushes a strand of hair out of his own eyes and looks back towards the boy. “You couldn’t bear to let me have a moment of peace, could you?”

Almost as if in response, Demyx shudders more intensely and curls in on himself.

Even sighs. “Very well. My work is cut out for me, I see.” He takes a pen light out of his pocket, pulls the boy’s eyelid back. Unpleasant, yes, but he has to know. The boy doesn’t react hardly at all. Even notes with relief that the small sliver of iris he can see is Demyx’s natural teal. “Get some rest,” he murmurs. “Goodness knows you’ll need it.”

It isn’t long before the cavalry comes. Ienzo and Ansem, in tandem, like nothing’s changed. Ienzo’s expression is stricken; morbidly fascinated. “...He’s not a vessel?”

"I don't believe so. I've already checked his eyes. Not gold. Look." He demonstrates for them.

He hesitates. “Do you think he’s trustworthy?”

"I do not believe he'd cause any harm to us," Even says. "He was rather helpful with the replicas." "The boy holds no ill will. We did not speak much, admittedly, but he seemed all too happy to get a move in edgewise," Ansem says. "I believe he was merely swayed. And we can sway him back to us, if need be." "I'll monitor him, but he should be up and about before long." Even shakes his head. "Nasty business. At least it's all over now." He takes the coat. "I'll put this filthy thing in the wash with mine. Best to hold onto. Just in case." If he’s learned anything, it’s that nothing is impossible.

Ansem follows him out the door, but Ienzo remains, an odd, unreadable look on his face. “...This is what you went through?” he asks softly.

Even looks over his shoulder. “Oh, yes,” he says. “Much the same. It’s just us that went through it this way. He’ll be human before long.”

Ansem nods. “I suppose you and he only have fragments of a heart, rather than a whole one, like the others.”

“...I presume.”

“What does that… feel like?”

Even stares at him. “I’m still puzzling that one out, I’m afraid.”

Ansem nods slowly. Like the rest of them, the clothing he’s bought is secondhand; gone were the days of pristine, professional garb based on their status. Back to patching, darning, mending. He looks more like someone’s grizzled grandfather than a former king.

Even’s sure he himself doesn’t look much better. “I should like to draft a report about this,” he says. “Unless there’s something else you need.”

“We should figure out what to do with the young man,” Ansem says.

Even shrugs. “Demyx is an adult. As… eccentric as he is, he’s capable of deciding his own fate. Nor is he an amnesiac. Once he is well, he can leave.”

Ansem sighs. “Should he have nowhere else to go?”

Even scowls. “You and your strays,” he spits. “All that’s done is get us in trouble.”

The little readability in Ansem’s expression is quickly replaced by indifference. “You’re a different man, Even.”

“Well, what did you expect of me? It’s been twelve years, multiple transfigurations of the self. I’m no longer so amenable, and for that I apologize.” He feels his nostrils flare.

Ansem smiles darkly. “No, you’ve hardened.”

“I would not have survived the alternative.”

The words fall, heavily. Ansem crosses his arms. “...Quite. Well, I’ve my own work to do.”

Even launders both cloaks, revulsion making his skin prickle. Demyx, when he checks, is still unconscious, though his fever has broken. He’ll wake soon. He’ll likely have many annoying questions. Perhaps Ienzo can field that for him--the boy seems to have more patience now that he’s human.

Even, on the other hand, has less.

---

Demyx’s presence does shift things. To Even’s annoyance, the boy truly doesn’t have anywhere else to go. It’s as though he’s puncturing a hole in their insular world, forcing them to confront things they wouldn’t have otherwise. He’s quieter, less effervescent than he used to be. For the most part, he seems unsure of what to do with himself. This is perhaps the sole thing, aside from their reformation, he and Even have in common.

He examines the young man one last time. Aside from being too thin, he’s otherwise healthy. “Now, tell me, what was the process like for you? I’m still trying to understand it. We were the last two Nobodies whose reformation didn’t necessitate some sort of murder-suicide. It goes against almost everything we’ve learned so far.”

Demyx hesitates, flinching a little. “Painful,” he admits in a low voice.

When he says no more, Even scowls. “I seem to recall a time when I could not get you to shut up. Now, when there’s actually matters of interest, suddenly you become as taciturn as Aeleus.”

Demyx drops his eyes. Even feels his frustration building. Truly, along with anger and guilt, this is all he really feels.

“I’m trying to understand so that I can help you,” Even says slowly.

The boy takes a moment to gather himself. Gone is Demyx’s quick, though nonsensical, tongue. Even wonders if there’s some deeper change, if his sense of self has shifted like Ienzo’s. Of course it would impact the younger members all the harder. Even himself dimly remembers those days (a lot longer ago than he would like to admit), when the struggle to find oneself was a constant. “It just started hurting at one point,” he says.

Even jots that down. “Your heart?”

“Yes. Well, I guess not technically. And then the pain just got worse, and I felt like I was dying, and then I tried to open a corridor to find you, but it took a few tries. I passed out and then when I woke up it was gone.”

That all tracks with Even’s own process. “Yes. Yes, my experience was similar. Did you experience weakness, feverishness, and delirium as well?” He shrugs. “Well I did have dreams--but they’ve stopped.”

Dreams? All Even can recall is darkness. “What kind of dreams?” he prompts, the words nearly coming of their own accord. The curiosity, the desire to know more.

“I… I don’t know. This place I don’t quite remember. Something about Keyblades.” “...Fascinating,” Even mumbles. “I wonder if you were seeing some of Xehanort’s memories.” “...Maybe,” Demyx says, flinching a little.

“But if that fragment had bound to you so tightly, I’m surprised it let go as easily as it did. Perhaps Xehanort willed it when he passed.” If only he had other vessels to interview--

Then again, what kind of fool wants that?

Even looks into his eyes again. Still teal. No visible indication of anything remaining. Then again… if Demyx is dreaming… perhaps it might be good that he’s still here. “I have a favor to ask of you.” He hands the boy a notebook. “Keep track of your dreams to see if anything like that happens again. I will as well. Maybe we can divine some meaning from them.”

He sighs. “Homework?”

This is so typical. Of course he wouldn’t have changed as much as Ienzo.

“This is for the advancement of important scientific research!” Even snaps. “Don’t you see what we can learn?” He shut his eyes tightly, a headache beginning to throb. “Why did it have to be you?”

The boy glares at him. “Good question. I’m gonna go now.”

For several moments Even sits, his head reeling. There’s no need to be nasty to the boy, but yet it rose from him almost involuntarily. More like Vexen than Even. Though much too emotionally soft to be Vexen. He’s crammed somewhere between the two.

I’m too old to be dealing with this.

Before long, though, Demyx is back, this time with Aeleus. Something’s shifted. His eyes are wide, watery, and his breathing sounds wheezy, labored--

A sound of nightmares and hours spent consoling Ienzo--

“My powers,” he says quickly. “Where are they?”

Of course nobody else told him. He guides the trembling boy over to a chair. “It’s our biology,” he explains. “Now that we’re human, we’ve no need for our weapons, our powers.”

“...Our powers are gone?” he asks, his eyes dull.

“In all probability--yes. It’s unusual for humans to have abilities as specific and powerful as we did.” Nobody power is tied to the will, an expression of the self in the absence of a heart--though doubtless Demyx won’t understand this explanation.

“Can I get it back?” “I never thought you cared about fighting.” “This isn’t about fighting,” he says desperately. “Without my sitar, I--” Even’s lip curls. “Oh. That. I’m not certain what I could do for you, Demyx.”

He says nothing, but his eyes are wide, horrified. But really what can Even do? Give the boy false hope? What would that achieve?

“You could have a look in the marketplace. You might find something there that might help you make noise. Now if that is all you’re concerned about, I have work I need to tend to.”

With a quick, pained breath, Demyx leaves. For a moment, Even sits with his head over his notes, trying to conclude. Slowly, like honey, he feels something seeping into him.

There was absolutely no reason to be so short with Demyx. Not when the boy has assisted him.

He groans a little and stands, pacing slowly. After a moment, he holds his palm out, calling gently towards his shield. Sure enough, he feels nothing. It’s gone back to sleep inside of him, no longer needed.

It will only be prudent, to follow up with the others. For his reports.

Dilan and Aeleus both answer in the negative when he asks. And while he knows what Ienzo will say--well, it never hurts to be thorough.

The young man is camped at the computer, where he’s more or less lived these past few days, combing through the disaster that is now their archives. The committee saw fit to completely overtake the computer, and whatever codes it’s been fed to try and decrypt things has it working poorly. Ienzo was never particularly interested in computer science; what does the boy need to know?

“Have you a moment?” he asks.

Ienzo does not even look up, still pulling things this way and that. “Of course. Whatever is the matter?”

"You no longer have any of your Nobody abilities, correct?"

He looks up, squinting. “That is correct. Why is it you ask? You haven't either, have you?" "I have tried, and I cannot," Even says. "I wanted to make sure. He found out." "Who? Demyx?" Even nods. "I wonder if my tone might have been too sharp. He did look rather distressed. But what is it I'm to do? I'm not a miracle worker. And if I'm being honest, I'm quite content with how silent things are around here." "Strictly speaking, there is nothing we can do. Aside from have patience. Oh, that reminds me. I was supposed to have dropped off those clothes. My memory has not been great lately." "You've had a lot on your mind," Even says gently. "I suspect we all have. I'll be glad to not see another one of those infernal cloaks. So drab. So… cult-like."

Ienzo looks back at the screen. "Master Ansem said essentially the same thing. I suppose I should take care of it now." His expression is grim, unhappy. Even’s glad that he’s not the only one feeling negatively about this. "I shall walk with you." The decay has only seemed to grow more noticeable. Water damage and erosion abounds, and everything is full of filth. The heavy carpets, once beautifully embroidered, are threadbare. For some reason Even feels the need to chat, to engage. The boy looks so wilted. "It's a shame. Things here were once so beautiful. If the committee were not so busy we could use their assistance. This place is a shell of what it once was." “You have to admit it feels rather significant.” Ienzo and his metaphors. The boy never did give up reading. "Too on the nose, for my tastes.” He shakes his head. "We're not shells of who we once were. We've changed and adapted. You most of all. I miss being so pliable." But Ienzo does not receive this as a compliment. “So I’ve heard,” he says darkly. “I assure you it is not as easy as it looks.” He wishes Ienzo would tell him about it. “My apologies.” Ienzo hesitates. “If only times were simpler," he says. "I feel as if I've no time to look after myself--what with Sora's disappearance and Demyx's arrival." "Sora's disappeared?" He knew of Kairi’s death--but he figured the fool would be back by now. Ienzo smiles tiredly, and explains in a few clipped sentences that Sora sought to find her heart. Despite the gummiphone, everyone has lost track of him. Even blinks. “How curious. I wonder if there’s any of his data somewhere?” "Sora's? I do not know. I'm not sure how his friends would feel if he were a replica, though." Even sighs. "I've tried to recreate Sora's heart, and we know what happened with that," he says. "As proud as I am of Xion's sentience and personhood, unfortunately his heart is so special that it seems to be a moot option. Best not to give them hope." It’s the hesitation that tells him everything he needs to know. "I thought I'd taught you better," Even says. "You should have heard Riku's voice." "I'm surprised you feel so strongly about him, not when you have such poor memories of him." Riku was nothing but a thorn in their side at Castle Oblivion--defying the odds, resisting all attempts at control. But Ienzo’s reaction is completely inexplicable--he flushes and raises his voice. "That was your replica, might I remind you," Ienzo snaps. Even raises an eyebrow. "The Riku replica? What about it?" He stops cold. “Never mind.” There’s something going on here. “Boy, tell me,” he says sharply. Ienzo’s tensed; his hands hover near his throat (in a flash, Even remembers the bruises, the scars). “Ienzo?” Even prompts. The boy gasps, a pained sound; fear floods his eyes. “Oh, Ienzo.”

"If you must know," Ienzo forces out between breaths, "Axel had the Riku replica kill Zexion." "He did?" Even laughs, despite himself. "Axel killed Vexen." And yet somehow the bastard became a guardian of light. Such brutality. But he has no time to think about such things; Ienzo’s distress is clearly the priority. “How is it you’re feeling?” His voice brings back a gut-punch of memory. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand what it is I’m feeling.” He tries to soften. “Intense, paralyzing panic?” he offers. “Yes--perhaps--” He’s breathing like it hurts. "You should sit down and focus on modulating your breathing," Even says. He helps the boy down to the floor. Aside from his size, it’s almost exactly like all those times before. "It's alright. This is a normal reaction to recalling something traumatic-" "Believe me, I know," Ienzo hisses. "I am perfectly aware of what this is." His eyes belie the opposite.

"Count to ten," Even says. "Deep, steady breaths." Even sees him struggle to bring himself back under control. The wild, barely-contained agony he saw when he first reformed is back, flooding Ienzo’s every breath. He feels his heart begin to ache, dully. “Why is it you do not feel that way?” Ienzo asks. "Perhaps my heart is not quite as developed as yours," Even says. "Perhaps it is that I have not processed it all, yet." Yes, that’s it. No wonder he feels so scrambled. "I do not wish to speak of it at the moment," Ienzo says thickly. He pulls away from Even’s touch. "I must… I must go." By the time he can find the courage to say it, the boy’s long gone. “...Wait… Let me help you…” Perhaps it’s because of Ienzo’s panic attack, but Even finds himself remembering that moment with utter clarity. Begging for mercy, for his life. Being struck, twice, pinned down like one of his own experiments. Then a fire within, so bright and hot and not at all instant. Again, he cannot keep down his dinner. This will not do. Even tries to rest, because he can feel his body crying out for it--but despite what he told the boy, he can’t respect his own weakness. He dresses, flinching as his fingers brush the scars (he still has not seen himself fully in a mirror, and he surely doesn’t plan on it any time soon), and begins walking. He has any amount of things to do, but he cannot bring himself to go to the labs. So he walks, noting the autumn chill. He’s forgotten how frigid Radiant Garden can be in the fall and winter; normally he would not mind, but he no longer has Vexen’s immunity to the cold. “Even? Is that you?” He pauses; but it’s only Aeleus. “On a round?” The man shrugs. He’s wearing no uniform, carrying an old flashlight. “I… was feeling restless. Were you as well?” “...Quite.” “Would you mind if I… joined you?” Even immediately tries to reject the invitation, but finds himself saying instead, “Not at all.” So they walk, for a long time in pure silence. It doesn’t feel awkward, but it’s not comfortable, either. “You’re… alright?” Aeleus asks slowly. Even blinks. “I…” He begins. “I know,” Aeleus says. Their footsteps seem almost deafening in the darkness. The night is so calm, Even notes; with darkness withering, it’s cool as silk. “Tell me something, Aeleus.” He chuckles. “That depends.” “You… do you also feel as though you are in between?” He mulls it over. The flashlight casts strange shadows over his features. “Yes and no,” he says at last. This makes Even laugh as well. “I feel as if… I’m meant to be here,” Aeleus says. “In this place, at this time. I will do what is needed, what is asked of me, humbly. And be pleased my fate is not worse.” “...That so,” Even says softly. “I wish to… find my own ways of atoning,” Aeleus says. “Mostly… I would like to be here for Master Ansem, for Ienzo.” “...Have you spoken to him? Ansem.” “Only for a few moments,” he says. “I cannot find the right words to apologize.” The night seems suffocatingly silent. “You were there, that night?” “I… yes.” He looks at his hand, clenches it into a fist. “It was as though something came over me… enabling all the most evil pieces of myself. To give that final shove… was easier than I want to admit. But it’s his eyes I remember most.” Even cannot catch his breath. “It wasn’t betrayal, not like you think. He… he looked at me, and I could tell he knew, knew what we'd done. He said…” Aeleus exhales heavily. Even touches his shoulder, feels the tension there. “You don’t have to tell me.” ““I thought you were stronger than this.”” “That’s what he said?” “...Yes.” Even gives Aeleus space, silence. He admits slowly, “I was going to run.” “With Ienzo?” “Yes.” He digests this. “I wonder what would have happened.”

---

There’s no point in thinking about what might have happened. Because it didn’t. Even isn’t naive enough to believe fate steered him on this path; he’s done this all to himself, to the boy, and to the others as well. The guilt cuts him like a knife. Where to begin? The question cycles in his mind over and over again. As he composes his reports, sitting there, alone, like nothing has changed and yet everything has changed. Where has the time gone? They’ve all suffered and aged, but have they grown at all, the way he told Ienzo they have? Himself, especially? How can he begin to erase his sins? Can he plan while his heart feels like it’s rotting?

#beyond this existence: atonement #even (kingdom hearts)#ienzo #ansem the wise #aeleus #demyx #dilan #beyond this existence #vexen

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