#mostly bc a lot of what i like has context that exists only in my head or in chat logs. so its an opportunity to offer that context LMAO

[atoriv-art]

What's your favorite Nejigaa headcanon?

love when i get these so i get to ramble. thank you so much

well i started to be fond of them as a pairing from the idea of neji finding some solace from his clan issues in suna! he initially started going there as just as extra protection sent by konoha for gaara in whatever diplomatic business he might be on, but eventually gaara starts requesting him specifically because

it gives neji some space from konoha as he knows it stresses him out, and gaara post-chunin exams is someone who really wants to offer others a helping hand when he can

he's fond of him :3 there's some brief panels in chunin exams where you see gaara appearing to be a bit fixated on neji (like he got fixated on sasuke, just to a much lesser extent) and i think that would morph into fondness as he chills out and no longer sees people whose anger he relates to as 'prey', so to speak!

the whole 'you almost killed my teammate' thing wouldn't just go away immediately even if gaara Is friendly with lee, imo neji is the type of person to hold onto those grudges even if lee himself might not, but he's also someone who is very easy to disarm with like... honesty and empathy. and as much as gaara is stone-faced, he is also very much someone who has a lot of both! his Tone initially rubs neji the wrong way because it's just So unfiltered, but it also gets to him because it's impossible to dispute gaara's sincerity when he puts everything so bluntly, yknow? and as someone who grew up hiding or otherwise obscuring many of his true feelings (majorly by necessity, but later on also out of sheer habit), it's a trait that neji finds very very admirable — its part of why i like him with sasuke too, i think neji is drawn to people who are very openly themselves, people whose ideals are impossible to ignore

this got so long (as youd expect.) and definitely strayed from the initial ask so here's a read-more <3

neji fusses over him a lot id say, he comes to think of gaara as a very noble person — someone with power and who is trying to make the world a better place with that power — and he gets protective over people he considers so fundamentally Good. i think it's nice for gaara to have someone like that around (esp divorced from his past, a bond that he's managed to build on his own by his own merits) and it gives him a lot of fondness for neji in return :)

a lot of their rs progression is this back and forth of finding out like, how much the other Feels and how gentle the other can be when not forced into situations that bring out the worst out of them.. i Love the idea of gaara's disposition softening up (being more outwardly sweet, more playful) a lot as he grows closer to people, it's why i like drawing him being so affectionate even though he's so introverted... i think the contrast is cute :-)

i'm also super fond of the thought of them unpacking some of their family troubles together lmao, i think it'd especially be good for gaara as he has a lot to retroactively think about once he's not on survival mode 24/7 and he might benefit from a detached third party as a listening ear — his siblings have their own baggage attached to their father, their mother, and their uncle, after all. and well if anyone knows what it's like to have a complicated family history it's neji :P

also as a bonus. imo temari+kankuro would get along with neji (…after a bit. everyone involved here is a bit of an asshole but that's part of their charm ok.) but kankuro treats him like he's his secret extra sibling. meaning he really likes the guy but also meaning he will not know peace under their roof. they argue about anything and everything

hinata and gaara also get along pretty well despite gaaras Past. mostly because i think hinata should be friends with every autism boy there is (shino. sai. etc) but also because i think the thought of her being like "i know he used to be a serial killer but let's hear him out people can change 🥺 he's so sweet he likes plants" is really funny

[foursaints]

barty has a certified Evan Kink but what else specifically 👀👀👀

grim made a post here that i agree with & im going to reiterate some of it! but generally my barty is pretty disgusting so i’m putting this under a cut lmao…. Beware..... i know i just said i want my asks to be less horny but im not helping. this is so explicit seriously if you are one of my cool mutuals look away (fern do NOT read this i will be so mad)

prefacing this by saying 😭😭 these are NOT my personal preferences i’m simply huffing the fumes like the oracle at Delphi and divining into his mind. also with evan he gets way more switchy but these are just how i see his usual preferences in general 

24/7 power play (as grim said) and free use. barty gets off on blurring the lines between kink and reality and having complete control over his partner sexually but he does it in a sort of irreverent, half-joking-but-not-really-joking way. he’ll casually make his partner lick his boot and he’ll laugh and pat them on the head and get up to go make dinner. bend them over while they’re doing dishes because He Can Have Them Any Time & not let them finish because it’s his decision. that sort of thing

(but u have to put it in context like outside the bedroom that man is SO whipped. he’s calling evan his brainless fuckdoll but he’s also walking 4 miles in the snow to get him the specific type of croissant he wants)

to me there’s a major incongruity between barty’s fantasies and his actual preferences. he jerks off to the idea of keeping his partner collared & silent & pretty & obedient and dolled up and sat quietly on a pillow all day waiting to please him. but he would hate that irl and in reality he LOVES evan’s bitching and bossing him around. its so much more fun

FAKE KIDNAPPING (as grim said). SO REAL! HE IS THE KIDNAPPER! IN A SKI MASK! 

in general my barty is concerningly into cnc but only if its super negotiated and desired. hes checking in beforehand and throughout 800x but like? with evan? they are going the whole nine yards. he wants to pin him down and Take Him while he screams and struggles and cries and fails to fight him off 

while barty is cooing and salivating over him and petting his hair and licking his tears and mockingly telling him how sweet & weak he is and how perfectly evan takes him. btw

overstimulation. both giving and receiving. 

he’ll make his partner get off like eight times daily because he finds overstim entertaining. like he’s not even getting anything out of it at this point. just whenever he’s bored he’ll sit his partner on his knee for the third time that day and play with them until they cry while he scrolls his phone 

this next one shows up mostly in his dirty talk and his habit of manhandling but like? objectification? but in the weird possessive sense of “wow you are so perfect and pretty it’s like you’re a cute little toy that exists Just For Me” <- that type of vibe. he chooses to believe you were Invented to Be Fucked By Him

and his dirty talk is so meeeaaaan like he could be doing the most depraved thing ever and speaking in a casual tone of voice like he's making small talk. he's very condescending and asks a lot of demeaning questions and will laugh. he likes to see evan get angry and embarrassed and make him repeat filthy stuff

not really a kink bc i don’t think it’s something he seeks out or even thinks about much. but when he discovers evan rosier is a virgin he 100% gets SOOO weird and insane about it. bro is FROTHING 

but aside from all of that. he loves giving himself up to evan completely and service top barty is Real. that’s an entirely different rodeo with its own set of… fucking… rodeo clowns? lassos? 20-page long notarized consent forms? this is an untenable metaphor. but anyway i also like to believe that rosekiller has very loving vanilla dynamic-less sex too because im a romantic like that. and also because they are soulmates

he’s SO awful but. you know. i love him anyway

[corvuschronicles]

finally gonna make a post better explaining my real fake psychic shawn spencer au so this might be a long one bc in the past it was mostly rambles as i came up with ideas and trying to make them fit together

i am in the process of actually writing a fic for this and it’s looking like it may be the first part of a 3 part series, below the cut are a lot more details to give context to my au

okay! couple of important things for the overarching universe:

the supernatural exists! though the population is not as prominent as it once was, so the supernatural world learned to adapt and stay hidden, basically for every 20 claims of something supernatural only one is real, and obviously some cities have higher populations compared to others

because of the dwindling population of the supernatural and the growing population of the mundane, it is expected that both would intermingle, so it is actually a lot more common than you’d expect for people to have supernatural bloodlines, though it is often insignificant enough that it doesn’t matter. sometimes that is not the case. sometimes people are born into still active bloodlines so they grow up in that world and sometimes people never know that they even had supernatural blood, let alone that the supernatural exists. sometimes, even though someone’s bloodline may be dormant (and they are or are not aware of the supernatural) unforeseen circumstances can sort of jumpstart said bloodline

with or without knowing it, people with supernatural abilities or bloodlines tend to gravitate to each other

there are few rules that the supernatural community follows, the most important being to not expose themselves to the mundane

within the supernatural community there are different categories; creatures/those with creature blood (vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters), those with abilities (psychics, druids, witches), sentries (those tasked with keeping the supernatural hidden, and hunters (mundanes who became aware and choose to fight it)

explaining the name, real fake psychic:

when he first started working for the SBPD shawn faked being a psychic to avoid arrest

after season 4, shawn has an encounter with the supernatural that essentially gives him real psychic abilities

he keeps up his fake psychic charade because he can’t really say ‘hey guys i was faking it before but guess what? it’s real now!’

now i will go a little into some of the changes/headcanon/general facts of some characters in my au, starting with the main man

shawn:

he’s mexican! this is not central to the story really but it’s my headcanon so i will work it in because i can

somewhere down the line there is maybe some kind of long forgotten supernatural family member, meaning shawn has supernatural blood

the combination of his childhood and eidetic memory and genius is all him but it definitely gets a small push from his possible bloodline, especially in how he visualizes

after The Incident™️ shawn gets real psychic abilities, at first it’s vague and he doesn’t know what’s happening, but then things get too weird and even he can’t ignore it

true psychics are rare, a lot of people only have some aspects (like divination, clairaudience, etc) but of course, shawn ends up with more than the usual

his abilities, especially at the beginning and when they develop more, are rather painful because he is receiving so much more input now, leading to headaches at least

shawn getting real powers is the catalyst to those around him awakening as well, and now that he and the others are aware of the supernatural, it seems to be more present than they realized

gus:

he’s an amplifier

his ability is kind of a paradox, on its own it doesn’t do much because it is mostly dormant outside giving him the supersniffer, but once shawn awakens it causes a ripple effect, they are now in the supernatural world and as a result gus in turn awakens as well

he can amplify his and other’s abilities; this helps shawn because gus can help him focus on certain visions or to make sense of some things he sees, this makes shawn claim that his is now literally magic head

it is a paradox because without shawn’s powers gus’ wouldn’t have come through and gotten stronger, but he also helps shawn’s get stronger, it’s a loop

gus gets the dormant bloodline from both his parents

shawn is not the only one gus helps

juliet:

she is an empath

she is naturally an empathetic person but once she awakens it gives her more of an understanding that she never had before

juliet gets her bloodline from her mother’s side

once they all figure it out, juliet can also help shawn in a different way, as she can now feel the emotions coming through his visions

gus is able to help juliet develop her abilities more, and she develops a type of danger sense, which comes in handy in their job

her bloodline is weaker so she’s not the strongest empath, and her prolonged exposure to a shield made it harder for her abilities to develop as well

carlton

he is a nullifier

lassie’s ability is that he is essentially immune to the supernatural to a point, things like curses, jinxes, telepathy, etc do not work at all or barely affect him, most physical attacks would still work because he is still human (like poisons or tactile telepathy)

however, this also affects positive things such as blessings or good luck charms

his ability is like an aura around him, meaning that those close around him may be affected as well, such as o’hara who, as his partner, is often exposed and it put a hamper on her own abilities

shawn is also affected, but in a good way; the constant bombarding of psychic readings stop when he touches lassiter, and even just being around him can ease the headaches

this is eventual shassie

unlike the others, lassie is an anomaly, he has no actual supernatural bloodline, he is the first in his (recent) line

henry

he is a non-believing, non-aware, mundane person

he notices shawn acting stranger than usual, he also avoids coming to the house more than usual

he has his own Incident™️ in which he witnesses something that shows shawn is now telling the truth when he says he’s psychic

madeleine

is a whitexican; not exactly relevant other than the fact if goes with my mexican shawn headcanon

it is her side that had the supernatural bloodline

just like her son, if she were to awaken she would probably develop some minor abilities, most likely clairaudience

SBPD

for the most part, unaware of the supernatural

anyone born into or active in the supernatural community stays away from the police as they tend to live outside mundane laws and prefer to police their own

few key players in charge of or above the police may be aware or are a part of the community

the fact that a psychic and friends with abilities work for the police becomes controversial

chief vick is unaware but someone close to her is not

if anyone wants to add anything or simply ask questions or talk about feel free to do so! i love talking about real psychic shawn <3

[danaty-consolation]

Okay I am going to respond to this just once, so all the asks and comments about this topic will be ignored from now on.

Everyone is free to think, like and ship whatever they want, canon or fanon is there to make people happy, and everyone should respect each other opinions.

Now, I am going to be brutally honest here.

If we follow what you two say, that means Ryu is coded as bisexual, since she is attracted to women and men.

Ryu never had a positive male view in her life, Ataru, Mendou and her classmates? All perverts towards her. Her father? Had I even had to say how horrible he was in forcing his daughter to act and dress as a male just because his sick dream was having one?

Women are the only gender that see Ryu by who she is, a woman, not because of her body but also because of her as a person. They never tried to abuse her, they mostly showed her only kindness without any ulterior motives contrary to the men in her life.

So guess what? It makes sense for her to have her guard up with Nagisa after what he tried to do with her, even if he was pressured bc of a non-existent time limit it doesn't excuse his actions.

However later on, when they live together he is only respectful to her. No touching or hugging, the only time that that happens is because he is asleep, and he only has seen her changing or almost naked by accident.

But the thing here is that Nagisa is the one that tries to talk to her, and is only because Ryu is scared of him thanks to all the males in her life trying to use her in some way and Nagisa's past actions that make her wary of him. She thinks he is like other men and he deserves it because he acted like one of the men she knows.

Nevertheless, we see him actually being honest with her and respecting her wishes and feelings in the last scenes, ready to leave because he thought she hated him. Something that no men had done to her before.

The bar is in hell but at least Nagisa is trying and Ryu see's this.

He is already a better love interest that Konatsu and Tsubasa of Ukyo in Ranma 1/2.

Yes his introduction was late, but he at least received development with Ryu.

Canon or Fanon don't change a thing in fandoms, people love and support what they like.

And we should all respect each other opinions when they have valid arguments, being facts or preferences.

However, I did need to share my analysis because some people in the Urusei Yatsura fandom only saw the old anime and ova's without reading the manga so they may not know a lot of the context later on with Nagisa and Ryu. Heck, I didn't even expected for David pro to animate the one-night's battle chapters next week!

And if they still don't like it after reading my analysis, well good for them! It's totally understandable and I won't judge them or anything because we have different opinions!

The perfect character with flaws that follow the narrative most perfectly can have people who hate them! Some without reasons and some with valid reasons.

Maybe is because of the design? The personality? Something doesn't make people like them and that is okay!

People are free to block the users or tags, so they can still be happy and not ruin the fun of others.

I will keep loving Nagisa and shipping him with Ryu, because of the last analysis I made, some points I covered in this post, and because my opinion of them is really positive.

We are all grown-ups and if some are not, at least act as one for the fandom and to have a more healthy interaction and feed with everyone.

[kindred-spirit-93]

jazzy!! & apollo

hello yall im back on my bs (biscuit soliloquy) with my wonderful oc jazzy and a modern au i came up with when i opened my eyes this morning lol. u can find a little lore on ma blog under the #jazzy tag :3

--

aight so for context a few months ago while deep in the trenches of my greek mythology obsession i made a minor underworld diety oc who goes by kore or jazzy. shes my favourite muffin and i love her.

and after reading one too many apollo fics here lmao i really wanted to explore his domains (which i find endlessly fascinating bc its all my favourite things in one: medicine art literature) and learn more about him as a god via a character study of sorts.

(ive yet to write anything for them lol but when i do it will be great :P)

--

anyway back to the story they are teachers!! bc im currently rethinking my life choices and having fun imagining what my life could have been like things went differently (11/10 recommend. great for the blorbos). babys first midlife crisis at the ripe old age of 21 lol

so without any further ado, them <3

HHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY BABIES

*slaps hands* aight so context and premise:

cant be bothered to come up with alternative names and clever refernces for everyone so theyre keeping their greek names lol.

not everyone in the pantheon will make an appearance, this aint keeping up with the olympians (until it is)

the setting is vaguely british lol bc its where i grew up and am more familiar with the system and the norms. ish

they teach both primary and secondary school students (this afaik doesnt exist in the uk but it does here so yeah. will elaborate later)

greek mythology adjacent at best i regrettably know very little of the mythos and my one and only reference is theoi. i will do better i promise. as soon as i graduate

in the mean time pls feel free to tell me all about ur fave myths and works and recommend stuff :D!!

--

art stuff, character design, notes

apollo has heterochromia :3 dunno if u can see it but his eyes are olive green (right) and a teal (left). representing the suns reach over land and sea. ALSO FRECKLES >:D

my girl jazzy has the most boring brown eyes ever. no pools of honey or flecks of gold. just good ol dirt brown. *foreshadowing*

short curly hair somewhere between brown and black for her, and floofy kraft singles waves for him XD

jazzy is a knitwear gremlin (like urs truly lol), 24/7 turtlenecks cardigans jumpers scarfs all of it. her hands (and extremeties) are always cold bc bad circulation and probably dehydration. shush

palettes are warm and earthy for jazzy (wow im so subtle) and cool celestial for apollo (and artemis hehe)

so thats mostly greens esp olive, brown and beige and a healthy sprinkle of rose. le aesthetic is forest/ gremlincore for my girl

and lots of blues esp navy and shiny silver and gold for chaotic academia sunshine boi (TIL astroacademia is a thing and like wow)

arts and moodboards and quotes in this century trust

jazzy is of average height (which to me is 160cm hhhhh and apollo is taller at 180cm. do ur own math we use metric in this household)

--

finally concept idea, plot if u will, notes and backgorund info too:

the first thing i thought of when i opened my eyes was literally apollo and his nine daughters the muses. let me finish

i wish i was joking lol it instantly gripped me but alas i had to go to uni and so it stayed on hold and i havent studied more that 3 pages bc im thinking about them

and by thinking i mean going over the same scene in my head and not doing somethinguseful like say expanding lore. as one does.

anyway yes we have apollo the girl dad of all time who has 9 wondeful daughters of varying ages from fist year of uni to toddler

still mapping out details like if from same mother or several relationships. idk what im doing pls respect my privacy at this time

apollo has 2 degrees bc its cool af to me (my dad has two masters and its been on my bucket list since. i dont know why i am the way that i am either) one in nursing and another in english literature (and a masters in translation bc i can)

he teaches english and history tho and the art afterschool clubs. yes clubs plural. i am insane and so is he.

jazzy is a biomed graduate and is currently pursuing a masters in forensic toxicology (sucks that i hade organic chem this would be fun to write) so she teaches bio. probably part time idk.

i will get to the details of lore and what theyre like and their work ethics etc but i is tired and id really like to finish some work before bed lol so goodnight for now and enjoy and feel free to ask stuff ig :3

[can-of-w0rmz]

@shotofstress

When I tell you I read this I saw it and I WHEEZED I was in TEARS and I shouldn’t be bothered arguing about it but quite frankly I’m trying to procrastinate anyway and I’ve had a god awful week and need to take out my frustrations somehow, ergo, I’m going be petty not because this person disagrees with my reading of the novel, but because they implied that in reading queer or neurodivergent elements in a work, people “can’t see the important themes that the novel is about” which actually does piss me off a fair bit

Right so first before we argue we’ve got to decipher because English apparently isn’t this person’s forte for someone who is, apparently, such an avid reader and esteemed critic of English literature. Also I just realised I haven’t really provided any context here so apologies this was in response to that joke post I made about mischaracterising Frankenstein adaptations (again yes the pettiness is not lost on me but I’m embracing it anyway)

“He is not gay nor autistic” cheers this person disagrees that Victor Frankenstein is either gay or autistic. To each their own. Wonder what kind of backup they’ll have for that argument.

“Pls stop seen representation of us everyone bc u can’t make the difference,” Right so this is where we get confusing, I’m going to take a wild guess and I think they’re trying to say “please stop seeing representation of us everywhere because you can’t make the difference”, and I still don’t know what “make the difference” means, but we’ll go with it.

“read nothing new”, alright so they’re saying people who see representation everywhere read nothing new, and then the kicker that’s kind of the only reason I decided to respond to this anyway, “nor really see the important themes that the novel is about.”

First off, “stop seeing representation of us everywhere”, let it be known that as I make a hundred jokes about Victor Frankenstein being homosexual, I myself am thoroughly through and through without a doubt bisexual as the days are long. Absolutely love men. Also adore women equally. So no, I am not a Disney corporate executive trying to squeeze in as many queers as possible for the entire purpose of using the fact they have representation in media to excuse the fact it’s a shite film but also, not trying to revisit every old piece of media to squeeze representation where it doesn’t really fit or make sense just for shits and giggles. (Also just saying, you made this comment on Tumblr. So even if I was just going haywire with lgbt headcanons on my favourite media with no real backup, who gives a shit? Who actually gives a flying fuck? I don’t. Let people live, man. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand the source material just because they’re having fun and playing loose with it. It’s Tumblr, not a Netflix adaptation. Let people do whatever they want and have fun with it. It’s cool.)

But like I said, I do have backup and a lot of it so let’s get into that, shall we?

First of all, whoo, autism. I’ll be real not really a hill I’m going to die on but the wording you put of “he is not autistic” is just ridiculous because yeah, no, there is a lot of perfectly decent ground to read Victor Frankenstein as autistic and a lot of people do, mostly people who are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent themselves. Just because in the 18th century people didn’t necessarily have the language for things doesn’t mean they didn’t exist, and I mean, now we do. So what’s the harm in using it? They had their own language for things back then, do we have to revert back to speaking in early 19th century English every time we want to refer to a character who was written back then as neurodivergent or lgbt or anything else?? What’s the point in that??

But yeah, Victor Frankenstein. I can’t even be bothered to explain and to be honest every single other person I’ve said “Frankenstein is autistic to” has immediately responded “oh yeah, obviously”, even my father who famously is just hypercritical of all sorts of headcanons just went “oh yeah no for sure the man is definitely autistic no doubt about it”. So instead I’m just going to include some quotes.

My temper was sometimes violent, and my passions vehement; but by some law in my temperature they were turned not towards childish pursuits but to an eager desire to learn, and not to learn all things indiscriminately.

It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them.

From this day natural philosophy, and particularly chemistry, in the most comprehensive sense of the term, became nearly my sole occupation.

Two years passed in this manner, during which I paid no visit to Geneva, but was engaged, heart and soul, in the pursuit of some discoveries which I hoped to make. None but those who have experienced them can conceive of the enticements of science. In other studies you go as far as others have gone before you, and there is nothing more to know; but in a scientific pursuit there is continual food for discovery and wonder.

Like I said, self explanatory. It’s harder to come up with an argument for why he isn’t autistic than why he is, and frankly, what’s the harm in reading him that way? It doesn’t really change anything about the plot or themes, and his character doesn’t change. It’s just a very probable diagnosis for said qualities. It doesn’t change them, whether you use that word or not. The concept of autism was coined in 1911 anyway, so its not like Mary Shelley’s going to be sat at her writing desk in 1817 writing in big bold letters “BY THE WAY, FRANKENSTEIN HAD AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS.” It doesn’t change the fact that people still had autism back then, just because the term wasn’t discovered yet. Anyway.

Now, second bit. “He isn’t gay” – now, if you read Frankenstein and thought “ah yes, this man seems perfectly heterosexual to me”, then honestly, sure. Go ahead. But to say that reading Victor Frankenstein as queer in any way means that people “don’t understand the important themes of the novel” is completely bloody ridiculous because, again, there is astronomical ground to read him that way.

Victor Frankenstein never really shows interest in any women in the novel, except for Elizabeth, who he has been raised, since he was five years old, to see as his “gift” and was told by his mother since he was a very young child that he was going to marry her – to the point where his mother, on her deathbed, tells both Victor and Liz: “My firmest hopes of future happiness were placed on the prospect of your union. This expectation will now be the consolation of your father.” Also, they’re cousins/adopted siblings. If you don’t think that’s fucked up, even by the standards of the time, I’m not really sure what to say to you. Of course he married her. And before he married her, he generally expresses very little romantic interest in her bar just expressing as much affection as you would a close friend or sister, or seeing her as his “gift” who he “has to be wed to”. Read any other story from this time period, in this genre, and you will not be remotely questioning whether they’re actually attracted to each-other or not. In fact, here’s an excerpt from The Vampyre, another book born from the same trip to Geneva that Frankenstein was, by John William Polidori, about the protagonist’s love interest:

And that’s only part of it. So. Yeah. Victor’s lack of romantic affection for Elizabeth is not “a product of its time” nor “a product of its genre.” And The Vampyre is a short story.

And so you may be saying, “well, just because Victor doesn’t show any interest in women doesn’t necessarily make him gay”, and yeah, true that (ace and bi Vic hcs y’all are valid) but there is very good basis to take the reading that he is attracted to men.

For one thing, just the fact that he’s so particular about creating “the perfect man” is subject to a lot of queer readings in itself, but let’s be real here, you all know me enough by now to know that I just want an excuse to rant about Clerval and Frankenstein. And rant about them I shall.

First, I’m lazy, so here’s an excerpt from one of my previous essays I’ve written that I’ve never posted everywhere on Frankenstein in general:

Just as The Creature is Victor’s narrative foil, so is Clerval. He's equally ambitious and fascinated with the secrets of life, however he’s healthy with how he goes about it and healthy with how he keeps the balance between taking care of himself and pursuing his dreams, while Victor goes over the edge and neglects himself and his sense of morality to complete what he set out to do. He's supposed to represent the ideals of gothic romanticism in Victor and he's supposed to be his anchor and support, (something the Creature doesn't have), caring for Victor during his illness, (“reanimating” him, almost, once again showing that comparison between both Victor and Henry, as Henry “reanimates” Victor with compassion and cares for him after, and Victor reanimates The Creature in a haze of obsession and mania and immediately abandons him, showing what Victor could have been), and constantly accompanying and being sympathetic and empathetic towards him. I also find it very interesting how he does also seem to have those darker aspects to him, lying to Victor’s family about the extent of his illness and caring for Victor in his apartment despite the fact that, for all he knew, from the evidence lying around his workspace and Victor’s feverish rambling, he very well could have murdered someone, and Clerval chooses not to press him on the issue and instead to intentionally help Victor cover it up. The fact that Clerval exhibits these traits only makes Victor’s own downfall all the more tragic when we consider that it likely very much isn’t a stretch to imagine that Clerval, too, likely exhibits a lot of the same morbid curiosity as Victor; he isn’t a superhuman figure with purely positive attributes who is completely far removed from Victor’s situation, the only difference is that Clerval chooses to prioritise his own sense of morality over his selfish aims, which only emphasises the point that Victor’s downfall is, ultimately, Victor’s own fault. When Victor "kills" the Creature’s chance of the same support and love (his unfinished bride), the Creature kills Henry and sends Victor into a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and heavy depression because the character that represented that stability, that romanticism, that balance of keeping healthy, is dead, and that throws Victor downward into his inevitable obsession with the monster's destruction and his own death.

On this point, I feel like it’s worth bringing up that a reasonably good case could probably be made regarding a lot of queer subtext in the novel, although I won’t rant about it excessively as it obviously isn’t the focus, the theme of love is a very prominent theme as I’ve previously mentioned with The Creature; familial love, platonic love, parental love, romantic love, and I don’t think it’s particularly much of stretch to suggest that Shelley, intentionally or unintentionally, might have added a lot more romantic subtext than given credit for. Not that it matters particularly narratively speaking what kind of love is portrayed, but in reference specifically to Clerval and the Ingolstadt chapters there’s a very good argument to be made regarding Shelley’s poor relationship with her own husband and how she may have projected a lot of her wish for that kind of care and sympathy into his character, perhaps not taking into account, or perhaps she did, how it would come across – author intentions are mostly lost with time and we’ll ultimately never know for sure, but even for the standards of the late 18th century when the novel was set and the early 19th century when it was written, “I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic,” and “your form so divinely wrought, and beaming with beauty, has decayed, but your spirit still visits and consoles your unhappy friend,” probably weren’t standard platonic sentiments.

And honestly on that essay excerpt, that still sums my thoughts on that subject up pretty much perfectly. After all, a character in a book talking about his best friend going “I loved him with a mixture of reverence and affection that knew no bounds” as well said best friend tenderly nursing him back to health, and the character talking about how his body is “divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” and gently pressing his hand and referring to him constantly as “my dearest”, “my dear” and “my beloved”, while living together and travelling together and talking about how his voice “soothes” him and “cheats (him) into a transitory peace”, pretty gay!

And yes, before anyone says a single thing, if it wasn’t already obvious from the essay excerpt, I do understand “the important themes the novel is about”. I do understand that there are more themes and characters and subject matter, and more than that, I bloody love it! Because this is one of my favourite novels! Of-fucking-course I’m invested in it on a deeper level than “ooOoooh what classical literature characters can I RUIN with my gay agenda today!” But you commented this on a joke post, a joke post, again, on Tumblr. No harm but Jesus Christ if there is a singular platform I can go on and just post stupid bullshit about two book characters from 200 years ago being soft and gay without having to justify that yes, I did in fact read the book, and shock horror yes, I do know that there are other themes, it’s bloody Tumblr. (Absolutely love you lot btw especially all my lovely fantastic incredible mutuals all your takes and readings and art is 👌✨ chef’s kiss)

Oh and by the way, op, I noticed you reblogged this:

And to be honest if I had to say any take or reading was a misunderstanding of the text, it’d be that one (as well as “Victor is sexist for cutting women out of the creation process” takes – Christ that’s just gross. And feels mildly if not explicitly homophobic.)

So just for shits and giggles to counter that argument, here’s another excerpt from the same older essay as before:

Speaking of Hugo, it is rather interesting how many adaptations and literary criticisms seem to go down the route of the Hunchback of Notre Dame moral of “who is the monster and who is the man?”, suggesting that Victor is the “true monster” of the narrative. And, as much as I am a decent Victor Hugo fan, (I’m over 50% through Les Misérables, have you seen the size of that book? I’d have to be), in reality the point of the story is that neither Creator nor Creation are more monster nor man than the other – Victor mutilates corpses and brings the creature to life, and allows Justine to be executed without owning up to his actions, and The Creature murders a child and a multitude of other innocent people, Clerval and Elizabeth who had nothing to do with anything and Ernest left completely alone with his entire family dead. We can’t acknowledge The Creature’s sympathetic qualities without also acknowledging Victor’s, and regardless, sympathetic motivations don’t make up for immoral actions.

Also this meme, which I can’t for the absolute life of me remember who posted it originally I’m sorry I use it all the time in GCs whoever it was you’re so valid:

[yukipri]

hi i hate to be a bother but i love your fic but i cant get more than a dozen or so chapters in bc i keep getting horrible anxiety about how the "present" time is ready to explode and i cant read longfic if it ends badly, could you say if the "present" time has a good resolution? no pressure at all, if you dont want to do that ill just wait for the return to the "present" and get the spoilers from my friends reading it

Thanks for liking my fic! Even if you're only able to get through part of it ^ ^;

So, hmm. I'm going to do my best to answer your question. I hope you understand that I don't feel comfortable (or frankly, capable) of telling you how the fic ends, as we are very very far away from that still (plus, I'm writing the fic for a reason!).

I can say that I personally do not consider the present "ready to explode" in any way. It is, in my opinion, the calmest time that the clones have ever experienced in the short, 13 years of their existence. Sure there's a lot going on, but for the very first time, they are in control of their own fate, and mostly have the upper hand. Is Sidious still out there? Yes. But Sidious is just as confused as, well, Obi-Wan right now, and he is actively on the run, which is more than can be said of any point we've seen of him in canon. Are there other threats too? Of course, but again, for once the clones are able to choose how to act without hiding. If anything, it's post-explosion, the explosion being the Override.

Why do the clones feel so in control? Well, that has to do a lot with the actual mechanics and process of the Override, which we are piecing together in the past.

It's true that Obi-Wan is a bit alarmed and very confused because he doesn't know what's going on. But he'll be alright, because the clones are, again, very calm and in control, and he'll take his cues from them. One of his purposes in the present is to be the audience lens through which new developments are revealed, but most of these things are not new or alarming to the clones, and they are the ones this all primarily affects. Will the clones tell Obi-Wan everything immediately? Of course not. But again, one of the purposes of writing this story non-chronologically and going into the past is so that you, the reader, can understand what's going on, and when the clones choose to share something with Obi-Wan, know the full context of that. Either way, Obi-Wan is a side character and not the primary focus in this story!

While there will be developments and action in the present eventually, right now it's far more a time of reflection, at least for the clones. There is going to be a lot of coming to terms with the past, personal reflection on identity, culture, freedom, the Republic, and the future of their new home. There is going to be more exploration of their life, and lots of politics and what it means to run a people that is no longer under subjugation. There is going to be following up on stuff from the war. There is going to be a significant amount of angst. However, nothing will "explode" for a very, very long time—we don't yet have enough context for that.

In comparison, I consider much of the "past" to be lighter, because sure it covers the war which is dark, but it's also familiar to us via canon media, except there's now the undercurrent of knowledge of all these networks and safety measures that exist, as well as new tools that Jango is actively working on. So it's bad, but we know it's not as bad. There's also just a lot more humor, since everybody (especially Jango) is still figuring things out! In the present, we kinda see the polished version after they become pros ^ ^;

We should be returning to the present in a few chapters (no clue how long those chapters will take), but a fair warning that it will be written with the assumption that you have read all previous chapters. Skipping all of the past will probably mean that a lot of it won't make sense, and I'm sorry, but I won't apologize for that, nor will I explain it when it's explained in the fic! The past bits do exist for a reason! And not just the events, but the thought processes that the characters had in the past will affect their present.

Likewise, we won't just stay in the present once we're back; after a while, we'll return to the past again, and probably eventually jump back to the present, etc. That's just how this story works.

Again, I'd rather not comment too much on the actual ending but, I do not consider this story a tragedy. It's not as simple as a fix-it either, and there's plenty of angst along the way, but I don't think you need to worry about it being a horrible conclusion.

I hope this answers your question! And I hope I didn't spoil myself too badly. Everything above that is not yet written is subject to change, because I do not want to limit my writing to what I said in an ask response, but I think this is a decent idea of what to expect.

I'm not here to tell you how (or even if!) to read my story, but yeah, the past is essential, because the present would not exist without it.

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[rawliverandgoronspice]

"And I genuinely don’t think either of you understand HOW Zelda turns back to a Hylian at the end of the game.

I’m sorry but these are exceptionally poor analysis and criticisms of the game and it’s cut scenes." As the anon who wrote the ask who started this, I'll just say... nah. Also, pro-tip, don’t be angry, eat a banany. 🍌 You say that all the elements give a lot of insight into Zelda, her relationship, and all that… and then just explain it in the most barebones accusatory way possible, instead of just giving a polite counter and constructively explaining WHY you disagree. Since you apparently just wanna be angy that someone doesn’t like what you likes, and explains why they criticise it, I don’t think there really is a point to argue.   Honestly, my best tip is: Eat nanner, shhhhhhh, touch grass, go sleep. Move on. Ps: Banana’s are the worst.

Also, lemme add, add some spice to your salt: “It reveals Zelda’s feelings for Link which have clearly significantly changed since Breath of the Wild.” I did not feel like they changed much at all, Zelda still feels like she’s simping for Link hard, it's just a few years later now. 😜 Extra bonus: Yeah we know why Zelda got turned back into a Hylian with no repercussions. Bc it had to happen, bc reasons-McGuffin.

Hey!

Yeah, sorry this thing escalated on your ask anon. It got significantly worse after that, so I did block the person because at some point it becomes clear they were having an argument with someone who was simply not in this virtual room and might probably not exist at all anywhere, so there was no point in engaging with a brick wall who was hurling insults based on half a paragraph taken out of context. Pretty sad way to use your free time or deploy love for the media you enjoy, but! To each their own I suppose.

But yeah, I did look it over to see if I missed something, because somebody's tone being inacceptable doesn't mean their arguments also are, but. Yeah. Zelda had her arc of going from being cold and angry with Link to learning to rely on him in Breath of the Wild already, and then literally holds the fort for a hundred years just holding on to the desperate trust that he will arise and become a hero and be capable of defeating the scourge if only she can buy him as much time as she can, which is *crazy* devotion-wise (and also active! in TotK she mostly talks about how much she trusts Link --I guess she turns into a dragon to restore the Master Sword for him, but again I don't believe she really has any other choice and it's not a struggle she must maintain over a hundred years always relying on her own resolve all the way through, so it doesn't translate as hard in my opinion). It's literally her affection for Link and her urge to protect him that awakens her powers! This arc worked great in Breath of the Wild! But TotK loves nothing more than to rethread every character's arc, except again, but less compelling and complicated and without emotional rises or character changes.

Also: a kind tumblr user out there who did not play any game but TotK, believing the marketing that you could basically jump in blind, pointed out to me that there is *no way* to catch onto any of that complexity of their relationship if you haven't played BotW (not that I think it particularly helps). Same deal with the parental thing: they did not bring up the relationship between Zelda and her dad at any point, which makes it a non-information for newcomers. While it is fine to lose some degree of nuance and be a little confused if you jump in a second videogame after the first videogame, you still need to provide something for people to hang onto, and, as I feared, the refusals to expand on BotW backstory didn't seem to help the newcomers familiarize themselves with Hyrule particularly well. Even in extremely well known IPs, it is important to re-establish the bases: jedis are sensitive with the Force, the Ring corrupts its bearer, etc etc. And this was not particularly well done here (for example: it is never explained that Ganondorf is a sorcerer on top of being a Huge Guy that will break your spine with a punch, which makes the appearance of Puppet Zelda *before* he grabs the stone extremely confusing --this relies on pre-assumptions about Ganondorf and a familiarity with the series and its tropes to make any sense, and this is yet another example of what I mean by: this game is awfully self-referential while not really standing on its own two feet).

As for the argument that Zelda was returned to a hylian because of Rauru's arm, Rauru again but ghost (??? hello again?) and Sonia (??? WHY are you here) are actually using recall on the Secret Stone? It's a cool headcanon, and honestly that would have been great and made sense (I mean, a little empty thematically again but at least a cool setup and payoff), but I see nothing that supports that in practice beyond that the power deployed is the color of gold, which, yes, is the color of Recall, buuuut it's also the color of Light and good things and the Triforce and divinity and a billion other things.

If this was what we were meant to take away, then: 1) the actual particles and sound effect of Recall should have been used instead of a vague halo of magical sparkles and 2) the Secret Stone should have hovered and glowed above her chest Laputa-style (thinking of Sheeta from Castle in the Sky, which I'm 99,9% sure was the visual inspiration anyway).

This does not happen. If them using Recall was the intent, then it's badly conveyed. But I see no textual reason to believe this is what's going on.

[kuiperror]

TELL ME ABOUT THE CHIPMUNKS LORE. pretty please.

1st thank you for indulging me (even tho i asked lol) 2nd.maybe dont open this unless you want to get blasted with useless information + unimportant yet dearly held opinions + offtopic addendums + true sincerity. i tried to hold back guys im sorry. hold onto your hats im getting fucking crazy in here

firstly ill summarize and say that my "version" of the story of aatc [1] is basically just an idealized version of the "lore" the 1960s version gave us (i say "lore" in quotations bc there was. none lol).

now a lot of my ideas concerning the "lore" of story are interconnected to my opinions about the actual application of aatc media in real life . for instance, the story is set, vaguely, around the late 1950s - early to mid 1960s, like the irl "run" of the original chipmunks records. i personally believe that, as a real media franchise, aatc really has no reason to exist within our modern world with the technology we have today [2] so aatc as a fictional story is affected similarly. along with that, when the story is played out in the context of 1960s america it creates a richer thematical experience as the themes are compounded and expanded on. [3] a lot of the themes that i consider Essencial to the story deal with acceptance of differences and familial love and questioning of ones own humanity and sense of belonging, both within oneself and within the family unit and within larger society, and conservative 1960s suburban america is just a rlly good backdrop to place all of that. so basically i believe in the Contextuality of 1960s aatc and i love to allude to those contexts within the story.

another thing about my version is that i allow it to be inconsistent both with itself or with real life, just cuz it doesn't really have to be. for instance, this story has a floating timeline and i consider the chipmunk's ages to range from 8 - 10 years old— theodore is 8, alvin is 9, simon is 10. (simon is the oldest in the 1960s era idc who says what, i will die on this hill) however at the same time i think it would make the most sense for them to come from the same litter, which would make them all the same age. so i consider the chipmunks to be different ages while also considering they were born at the same time. i do have an in-world resolution for this discrepancy [4] but you get what im saying: my version of events is a little fictional story for me and me only so inconsistencies like that can be brushed over . mainly so i don't think too deeply about the logistics of things (cuz i tend to do that to avoid any possible criticism cuz i am Afraid of flaw) . like i'll catch myself being like "but how does the development of a real 8yo match theodore's behavior? 🤨" and i have to tell myself "bro.. this is a fictional cartoon world ur literally talking about a talking chipmunk its Not That Serious it doesn't have to be that realistic dude" so i just say its my own little play place and i get to do what i want :)

my version of the backstory of the chipmunks is not really all there in terms of external and internal consistency, but it mostly resembles the 1980s series' backstory where dave finds the chipmunks on his doorstep. (see [4] for entire story) i think that the months after dave took them in were honestly a p dark period for the family. i don't imagine dave had good support system and i think the mental struggle of suddenly caring for 3 incredibly strange children all the while fearing societal reactions to them (which restricted him from getting the help he needed) [5] definitely aged him. ithink hes like, early 30s when the chipmunks arrive, late 30s when the timeline "starts floating"... not as young as most (?) fans/iterations interpret him to be. i think that, before "the chipmunk song" was created, dave had raised the chipmunks for like.. 3-5ish years. what i'm saying is that dave definitely took in the chipmunks out of the kindness of his own heart and not cuz he wanted to capitalize on their singing prowess (aHEM looking at a certain movie 🤨)

also, i like to accentuate the animal-ness of the boys by taking real world information about chipmunks and applying it to them :) in general its a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when ppl just completely disregard the animal part of funny animal characters... esp with alvin and the chipmunks bc thats like. Their Whole Thing . they are chipmunks ? why do you just ignore that 😭

now i have talked a LOT about angsty stuff but i do want to make it clear that legit all this stuff is the subtext and background for interactions shown within the 1960s chipmunk media. the chipmunks are still happy kids who have fun and goof around and piss off david !! its just that they have fears and their own Issues like any real person.

so yeah! thats my chipmunk lore!! ^^ i have a whole document about my version so im definitely. fucking insane about the chipmunks. if any other aatc fans are reading this please be nice to me 😦 i feel as though i am very much a weirdo in my sandbox all alone soo dont h8 me plz :)

and just to send it off with some silly lore here are some random headcanons for each character that i have taken straight from my lore document ^^

alvin: would 100% be a leash kid . just sayin (as a former leash kid myself)

alvin: takes after david musically— when he writes his own music and makes up little songs to himself it sounds very similar to the songs dave writes. alvin doesn't recognize this but dave definitely does :,)

alvin: insecure about his height and constantly reassures himself that he will have a growth spurt when hes older

simon: loves loves LOVEs non-conventional and instrumental music! especially those set in different modes

simon: astronaut kid he loves space and wants to b an astronaut . born at just the right time B)

simon: knows better than to follow along with alvin's troublemaking + rebelliousness, occasionally tries to push back, but often is just like. fuck it we ball and goes along with it, especially if its fun ^^

theodore: LOVES the technical aspect of music + the recording process . he will tell you all about the science behind how vinyl records work unprompted.

theodore: doesnt like to sing solos as much as his brothers do bc of past childhood asthma at age 3 and also because he can not stop himself from giggling when hes singing hes just so happy :)! (THIS ONE IS CANON 💥💥💥 SOURCE: UP ON THE HOUSETOP CHRISTMAS W THE CHIPMUNKS VOL 1 ‼️)

theodore: although he is the most naive of the bunch, he is not dumb . hes just a little kid who likes being silly !

dave: before taking the chipmunks in in his early 30s he was the world's most regular guy . wrote hits for other people, continues to do that occasionally into the boys's careers

dave: literally has a song for everything . he will do everything to a beat .

dave: embroiders and cross-stitches to regulate his anger + knows how to sew really well since he has 2 make all of the boys' clothes. (CANON ⁉️😍) also it was his decision to color-code and embroider their initials onto everything they wear lmfao

FOOTNOTES (color coded for your convenience!)

[1] - in this post i refer to the media franchise as "aatc" (alvin and the chipmunks) and refer to the actual trio of characters as "the chipmunks" to avoid confusion. i just want it to be said that i personally dont like to call the media franchise "alvin & the chipmunks" on account of the whole "uuu if alvins a chipmunk why is it called alvin & the chipmunks" joke, i personally prefer to call the franchise just "the chipmunks" as it is shorter and includes the 1960s era as for most of it the franchise went by several different iterations (if we lived in a perfect world the franchise would still be called "david seville and the chipmunks" . just saying)

[2] - back in the early 60s, combining pitch-shifted vocals and character-acting was an innovative technique that took real time, effort, knowledge and skill to achieve. but nowadays not only is the concept no longer fresh but literally anyone can create their own "chipmunk" vocals in a matter of minutes. the story & characters (also nostalgia) are really the only thing keeping the aatc franchise going, esp since that's what more modern iterations of aatc focus on rather than the actual music.

[3] - in the media outside of their albums (the alvin show & the dell comics, specifically) there is always an underlying theme of comparison between david and the boys and the 1960s concept of a nuclear american family. its not exactly an "Intentional" theme, it more or less comes with the (irl) time-period the original aatc media was created in. the seville household is, inherently, a subversion of the ideal of the "perfect family" that households were compared against and strived to be, even at the expense of their own comfort, ideals, safety, etc. this subversion can be played into for drama and angst in a richer, more plausible way than it would be if the story were set in a more modern time period, u know? but yeah i believe that, as a fictional story, aatc shouldn't be divorced from the context of the attitudes and values of what mainstream society thought a family should be in the 1960s.

[4] - essentially in my version of events, dave was given no information about the boys and he basically made up their ages. when david found them in his backyard, they were oversized chipmunks as large as your average cat. they all sort of acted like young human children, but they were a lot more... chipmunk than child. they could only babble— but the sounds were recognizable as human speech. dave was obviously freaked out and resolved to keep an eye on them whenever they were in his backyard. he really only resolved to take them in due to the fact that he could literally see them change throughout a single week. how i imagine the chipmunks' biology is that they are a mixture of human and chipmunk (not literally, mind you, more as a physiological, figurative thing) so they have the intelligence and development of a human while still doing certain things like undertaking hibernation, wanting to forage and stockpile and burrow, things like that. however their growth rate is incredibly fucked up, going from the actual size of a newborn baby chipmunk to the size of a human toddler within like, a year. with this rapid growth also comes more human-like intelligence. once they were actually living in his house, dave knew there was something human about them with these creatures so he couldn't just let them return to the wild, especially since they were becoming more and more dependent on him and more and more human-like as days passed... i definitely think there was a moment of pure clarity for dave where he realized like. wow, that's a child. these things are children. and they are relying on me to provide for them. they are absolutely attached to me by now. and i think i might actually be attached to them too. and thats when he decided to name them and truly care for them like any other human child. overtime the chipmunks slowed their growth rate and matched their developing rate with the same as an average human. the chipmunks don't remember much of their early childhood and nothing can really be disputed so davids word of what happened is gospel. And yeah thats their backstory basically. if you want more on dave's view point on the chipmunks and their fucked up growth process, you can read this post here :)

[5] - he overcame this, of course. he did not want the boys to think that he was ashamed of them. public school was a different story, however, and the boys were more-or-less in a state of homeschooling before the release of "the chipmunk song." knowing that most of their peers would actually look up to them rather than down upon them extremely reassured him.

[possibilistfanfiction]

"the neoliberal rhetoric of the pronoun (ESPECIALLY in english) as the ultimate form of advocacy" -- it's such a relief to hear your take on ava's thoughts on pronouns bc i've always been frustrated by how limiting they are? how much stress they cause? i know pronouns are important for some folks but also we're so much more than that...

whew like ok i work in dei, mostly for youth (sport, schools, etc) but also doing lgbtq 101 workshops for upper level execs who run big sports orgs, school districts, blah blah, & it's like... people really think that getting someone's pronouns right (or even trying to get someone's pronouns right) is like........ you have done it! u are not transphobic! u understand the nuances of everyone's gender if you use the right pronoun!

& like... i get paid a fair amount of money to lowkey sell out & explain what a pronoun is (lol) but at the same time it is the fucking bane of my existence. i personally hate pronouns. i think they are legitimately so stupid lol. like... to distill the vast nuanced experience of both having a gender identity AND being perceived at all times as a gendered being (which sometimes match & sometimes don't) into a PRONOUN is just baffling to me.

i think cis people (especially those who don't really want to do the work needed to understand what abolition means -- how queerness & especially gender expansive trans identities are a crucial part of the intersection of where that ethic is rooted) just see pronouns as a sort of easy way out. like you're cool with trans people if you can remember someone's they/them pronouns. it's so gross & so deeply tried up in representational politics (diverse oppressors are still oppressors, white supremacy can be present in ethic & politic even without a white person in the room, etc).

& of course like you said pronouns are definitely important to some people (it is always nice to feel seen & respected at the most basic level 🤪) & definitely not at all saying that anyone should like get people's pronouns wrong, obviously, but i just really hate the concept of how my entire experience as a dyke & a person in general has to be reflected to the world at all times in a silly word which is so vastly incomplete. & i genuinely (not anyone's fault!) hate how that can get tied up in my writing, especially my writing about queerness. when ppl rly care abt terms & IDs etc i can understand bc the common messaging is all rooted in neoliberalism & "representation" instead of anti-state resistance, etc, so it's like. okay lol. but i am intentional in the way i write queerness bc of my own ethic & politic, so you know

ANYWAY yes. queerness & transness is so deeply expansive, to make it only about (or mostly about) pronouns is, to me, ethically against what queerness & transness really is, especially if those pronouns are mostly talked about in the context of english. & i would be remiss in saying that using non-normative &/or neopronouns is a privilege rooted in safety. often i don't disclose they/them pronouns bc i just don't want to explain myself, & i deeply do not care, but i'm always protected in a lot of ways by my whiteness (& that i'm educated, able-bodied, cis-passing, employed, etc etc etc). for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, pronouns aren't safe. being out as trans isn't safe. but that doesn't mean their gender identities are any different or less important or less vital.

so yah ur right sorry this is a rant lmfao & once & for all.... ava is the most anti-state anti-institution character lmao. she genuinely would not give a flying fuck about her own pronouns. god doesn't fit into a pronoun anyway :)

[curiosity-killed]

1 [let's say...whipstitch], 5, and 14 for the fic ask meme if you're still taking 'em!

I will always take writing asks (even if it takes me days to answer lol) :D

1 - Do you use working titles? What was the working title of whipstitch?

I do use working titles but it tends to be a 50/50 chance whether the working title is different from the final title. Titles are (imo) really easy and I often have, if not a definite title, an idea of a title in mind a while before the story’s written. Sequence the bones, for instance, was titled by the time I started writing.

Whipstitch, being the special baby it is, is the exception! ‘Whipstitch’ was only ever supposed to be a working title bc I knew that would work as a quick reminder of wtf I had planned for it…and then I went to post and was like “idk what I could possibly call this except whipstitch”

5 - What's a genre you'd like to try writing?

Ooh tbh I feel like I’ve dabbled in most genres I’m interested in, either thru fanfic or original fic. I haven’t done a lot of like…true thrillers/mysteries which would be fun. I also haven’t *really* done horror so that’s definitely up there

14 - Do you have a posted fic you want to go back and re-write or re-edit?

Honestly, once things are posted, they kind of pass out of the pantry of my brain and mostly cease to exist outside of their context, so I’m pretty rarely tempted to rewrite. That said, one I think could have done a lot more than it did is ‘the dead horse.’

I’m fine with it as it is, given it was basically the first real fic I wrote for CQL & I kinda puked it out over a few weeks, but it’s pretty extremely unambitious for the premise (& for some of the promise in ch1) (and also has the worst chapter length on earth which is why I will never read it). If I were to redo it, I’d want to rewrite it so Jiang Yanli was more than a witness to the story or at least so that the ripples of changes actually have an impact on the overall story. Contrary to some readers’ wishes, I’m pretty uninterested in making JYL a super badass tough girl (I think that’s a poor treatment of her character), but I definitely could have/would want to do more with her rather than relegating her to a role that’s kinda just watching her brothers.

Fic asks!!

[quetzalpapalotl]

maybe a weird ask but do you happen to have a reading list for arcee in idw1? my friend loves arcee but i dont want to make her go through all of idw1 to see her akshdjbdjx

Hi! Sorry for the delay! Not weird at all! I love these kind of questions. And I was thinking of making one anyway bc Squiggle suggested it, so this is the push I needed to get to that. And this is my girl we're talking about, I need to get everyone to read about her.

A few things of note, I write this guide assuming the reader has not read any IDW1. I will focus only on things that feature Arcee, so by following this you will be lacking a lot of context for the continuity, I will try to provide context for the bigger picture, but if there's something that doesn't make much sense just push through it (or ask!)

Unlike the IDW Optimus reading guide, I'm actually going to list every issue with Arcee in it (hopefully I don't forget any), because even doing so, you still end up with less reading material. Tho, you don't have to read every single one.

However, I will be asking you to read all of Ex-Robots in Disguise and its sequel Optimus Prime. While Arcee was a very minor character previous to this, she is a main character in those series, in fact she's the one who most consistently shows up from beggining to end. As such, I cannot tell you to just read the issues Arcee is in, it would be like skipping episodes of a tv series, you need the whole context. Besides, these comics are very thematic and mostly everything that's brought up is meant to feed the larger picture. And Arcee ends up being the thesis statement character of the whole thing. Being the best character in all of IDW1 (I'm serious), I think she's worth reading it all.

Spotlight: Arcee by Simon Furman

Well... okay, you may have heard that this issue which introduces Arcee's character is very transmisogynistic, that would be correct. I'm not comfortable telling anyone to read with without at least a warning. In the story Arcee's unique gender is said to be the result of mad scientist Jhiaxus experimenting on her, which makes everyone instinctually refer to her as "she" and made her an unstable, crazy murdered. Unfortunatelly, this will be the basis for Arcee's character. Later Barber will tackle the issues with this story and recontextualize it with the help of Jenevieve Frank, a trans woman. The retconned story will be that gender previously existed on Cybertron but was forgotten (tho, it's still present in the colonies) and Arcee is a trans woman who voluntary had Jhiaxus perform gender reassignment on her, but she ended up being the victim of malpractice. Barber will also expand on Arcee's character, her backstory, wants and motivations, so she's not just reduced to a bad surgery. However, Spotlight: Arcee can still be an uncomfortabel read. So if you don't wanna read it just read the wiki summary for it.

Spotlight: Cyclonus Spotlight: Hardhead Spotlight: Doubledealer Spotlight: Sideswipe (or all published together as Revelation) by Simon Furman

These 4 spotlights work as a miniseries, but Arcee only shows up in one page in Cyclonus and one page in Hardhead, which show her tracking down Jhiaxus, and in like 4 pages in Sideswipe, where she finally gets her hands on the guy. You may just want to skim to those pages. Althought it may be worth readin the whole thing just because the Dark Universe stuff will keep showing up. If you don't want to read it the whole thing (fair), this story is about uncovering what's up with Nova Prime and his crew (Jhiaxus, Cyclonus, Galvatron, etc), who dissappeared 6.2 million years ago when they left on an expansionist mission. Turns out they ended in a dimension called The Dark Universe which made them more or less zombies and unable to survive in this dimension for long periods if they don't return to the Dark Universe and empowered Nova-now-Nemesis with "The Heart of Darkness". They want to bring the "Darkness" to this Universe and rule it with Cybertron at the center. The Autobots fight to stop them and succed. Arcee gets to kill Jhiaxus over and over again thanks to the immortality he gets from being in the space between dimensions. Hardhead is there.

Heart of Darkness #1 and 2 by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning

In this 4 issue mini-series, Galvatron turns out to have survived previous events thanks to the Heart of Darkness, finds out that D-Void, the embodiment of the Dark Universe, is planning to kill everything in this universe and uses the powers of the Heart of Darkness to raise an army from corpses to stop it. I don't reccomend it and the art can get uncanny, but Arcee shows up in the first two issues.

The Transformers (2009 ongoing) #28 and 30 by Mike Costa (and James Roberts)

This is the Chaos event that follows up on Heart of Darkness. It runs though issues #24 26, 28, 30, but Arcee only shows up in the last two and it'll probably be very confusing since we skipped the entire Costa ongoing. The rundown is that Galvatron attacks Cybertron in order to get to the Vector Sigma at the core and fuse it with the Heart of Darkness to stop D-Void. To no-one's surprise, The Heart of Darkness is part of D-Void and Galvatron was being manipulated by it so that it can come into thi universe and kill everything. It creates an amalgamation of the Decepticons and Galvatron's sweeps to fight, but Megatron keept that occupied while Optimus and co. get to the core of the planet. In the end, Optimus uses the Matrix to purify Vector Sigma, which breaks the Matrix in half.

The Death of Optimus Prime by James Robers and John Barber

Optimus wakes up to a rejuvenated Cybetron after the events of Chaos. Arcee doesn't show up in this, but it will establish certain things important to understand what's next, so I recommend reading it. Also, IMO the quality goes way up from everything listed before.

Robots in Disguise #1-9 (volumes 1 and 2) by John Barber

Finally we get to the good stuff (unless you skipped everything until now). With the war over and Optimus and Rodimus gone, Bee tries create a functioning society among the tensions between the Autobots, Decepticons and newly-arrived neutrals. It's not going great. After the therapeutic experience that was getting to kill Jhiaxus over and over again, Arcee comes to work for Prowl in the shadows. Her character finally displays some interiority. She also sort of gets retconned to never having been an official Autobot.

Robots in Disguise annual by John Barber

Arcee doesn't show up in this, but the coming events will probably be confusing if you don't read this. We also get flashbacks to the Cybetronian past which will come in handy later.

Robots in Disguise #10-22 (volumes 3, 4 and 5) by John Barber

Megatron, who hasn't been seen since his fight with the amalgamation in Costa's ongoing, returns, which isn't good news for the fragile peace. Things get set up for the Dark Cybertron event. Arcee gets lot of cool moments here and her motivations become more clear. I want to highligh issue #18 as it featured her in the narration and we get to learn a lot about her point of view.

Dark Cybertron (volumes 1 and 2) by John Barber and James Roberts

A crossover betwen RID and MTMTE. It comprises a first issue released on its own, 10 issues that alternate betwen being published as MTMTE and EXRID and a final issue also published on its own. Rather than switching between ongoing, it's easier to read it all in the 2 compiled volumes. Shockwave sets up a very comvoluted plan for nefarious purposes. If you haven't read Mtmte you may wonder who half these people are, but having read RID (and even more if you read the Revelation spotlights listed at the beginning) you'll be far less confused than someone who has only read Mtmte trying to read this. Arcee gets some baddass moments.

Robots in Disguise #28-34 (volume 6) by John Barber

The Earthfall arc where, after the events of Dark Cybertron, Optimus gets a team to return to Earth following a message from Alpha Trion. Arcee asks Optimus to let her tag along. Tensions rise between Optimus and Prowl and Earth may not be so happy to see them.

The Transformers #35-#38 (volume 7) by Jonh Barber

Due to the coming release of the Robots in Disguide 2015 cartoon, Barber's ongoing had its subtitle dropped, becoming just The Transformers, hence why the fandom calls the entire ongoing ex-RID. It inherited the numberation of RID despite the new name, but you may not find its issues listed under the previous name in some sites, look for The Transformers (2014) in that case. We check back on Cybertron, learn more about Cybertron's past and then get to the Onyx Interface arc. Optimus returns to Cybertron and leaves Prowl in charge, but not without asking Arcee to keep an eye on him. Prowl doesn't seem to be all that reasonable and Arcee has her own ideas.

Combiner Wars by John Barber and Mairghread Scott

A crossover similar to Dark Cybertron but with the Windblade series instead of Mtmte and it takes one volume. Arcee doesn't show up, but I wouldn't recommend skipping it as some important stuff happens which I think is better to read for oneself than rely on other's people's opinion. But either way, have a summary: Metroplex's spacebridge is now operational, which means they can open a portal to Caminus, Windblade's reason for coming to Cybertron since her planet is in dire need of resources. Starscream is eager to help them out as it will mean the planet will be in debt to him and is more people to have influence over. Windblade and Optimus are worried about Starscream getting and empire, but since they don't want to stage a coup, they decide to use Optimus status as Prime (figures religiously venerated in Caminus) to combat Starscream's plot (I'm sure this won't get to OP's head later). Prowl thinks they're cowards, he thinks Starscream spreading his hands on Caminus will lead to him doing the same with the other colony words, establishing a new Cybertronian Empire and then expanding it to the rest of the galaxy. Prowl thinks Starscream should be stopped at all costs even if it means destroying the spacebridge and leaving all Camiens to starve to death. A bunch of stuff happens, including: Starscream sending Swindle and Menasor to attack Caminus so he can save it and get more clout. Prowl using Devastator to destroy the spacebridge and being stopped by Superion and Defensor, losing an eye in the process and getting arrested. Starscream using the enigma to replace Prowl in Devastator with Scoop. Rattrap setting Menasor on Caminus again and freeing Prowl. Four combiners fighting on Caminus' ground to which Prowl adds another one by using the enigma to combine himself with Optimus and others in other to have him see his way. And ultimately Prowl is arrested again (and it doesn't stick, again).

The Transformers #42-#44 (volume 8 minus the last issue) by John Barber

Optimus and Prowl have a chat, it doesn't go well. But while they are busy on Cybertron, Arcee is now the de-facto leader of the Autobots on Earth and deals with Galvatron, but just like her predecessors, she makes a quick trip back to Cybertron. Issue #44 is once again narrated by her and lets us see her perspective on Cybertron's current situation.

Combiner Hunters by Mairghread Scott

And one-shot where Arcee tries to steal the enigma of combination, putting her at odds with Windblade and Chromia. We get to see some nice interactions between them and some very nice art of Arcee in her dark deco.

Sins of the Wreckers by Nick Roche

A mini series that's a sequel of sorts to Last Stand of the Wreckers from phase one. It will make much more sense if you have read that one and LSotW it's considered one of best things to come out of phase 1, is not the best, but if you don't want to bother I think you can get the gist of what's going on. Prowl has been kidnapped and unfortunately, he's too important to not try to rescue him. Arcee is dealing with her dissapointment in him and the fact that he never actually trusted her, so she's not too happy about it, but goes along anyway. Truth be told, you won't get lost in the plot if you skip this one and Arcee shares the screentime with a lot of characters, but it's pretty good and you get another writer's take on Arcee.

For context: On the Windblade series, Starscream and Winblade have been contacting the remaining colonies and trying to get them to join the Council of Worlds, which is like the United Nations for the Cybertronian Colonies.

The Transformers #45-#55 (last issue of volume 8, volumes 9 and 10) by John Barber

Things aren't looking so good for the Autobots on Earth, Galvatron makes his move leading to the Conqueros arc. Following Optimus on Cybertron, we get to meet best girl Aileron! Whom you may recognize as Arcee's eventual love interest. Optimus wonders what he should do about the problems on Earth and arrives to a very unpopular decision leading to the All Hail Optimus arc.

Titans Return

A mini crossover, it opens with a one-shot, followed by exRID #56-57, and then MTMTE #56-57, but you can skip the MTMTE issues. Garrison Blackrock's original Cybertronian personality, Sovereign, a servant of Onyx Prime, awakens and causes trouble. Somehow, Sentinel Prime has returned.

Revolution by John Barber and Cullen Bunn (+others)

This is where the infamous Hasbroverse crossovers start. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to skip it, but Arcee is there (tho nothing is about her in particular) and it will be referenced later. Baron Karza, a guy from a place created thanks to Micronus Prime called Microspace wants Earth's ore-13 to save his dimension from entropy, but the dimensional transporting of the ore makes it unstable and explode, this means bad news it it keeps happening. The explosion blamed on the Cybertronians who are still not very well-received on Earth. G.I. Joe is sent to deal with the Cybertronians, but while Optimus wants to make peace with them, things are further complicated when Rom the space knight shoots some G.I. Joe members. As it turns out Rom's enemies, the shapeshifting Dire-Wraiths have infiltrated the Joe ranks because they too want the ore-13 because it enhances their magic. A guy that's secretly allied with Karza leads a project to develop tech against Cybertronians which result in the M.A.S.K organization Rom wants all the ore out of this dimension, Optimus is more concerned with protecting Earth than the microspace, G.I. Joe and M.A.S.K. still hate Cybertronians and then the Micronauts show up following Karza. Eventually they all sort things out between themselves and solve the crisis and the ore is stabilized. Optimus learns that Earth is not so defenseless after all

Optimus Prime #1-6 (volume 1) by John Barber

Because of editorial reasons, exRID get's a relaunch under the name Optimus Prime and the numeration resets, but it's following the same story, so don't worry about it. Starting with the new Cybertron arc, Optimus is dead set on Earth joining the Council of Worlds and will play a risky game for it to happen. Arcee is practically his right hand woman at this point, but that doesn't mean she's happy with how he goes about things. On top of it, Sideswipe has been in critical state since Conquerors and Arcee is not doing great.

Wrath of Karza by Cullen Bunn and Jimmy Johnston

Another crossover that closes the Microspace plot. Honestly, you don't need to read this, I don't even personaly recommend it. But if you have read everything else up to this point, might as well read this so you can say you've read every comic with Arcee in it.

Optimus Prime #7-10 (volume 2) by Jonh Barber

We follow how things are going after the events of New Cybertron. Arcee finally gets some sympathy from another person. Issue #9 focuses on Sideswipe but is also a very important moment for Arcee's arc and in issue #10 we learn about Arcee's past.

Transformers Annual 2017 by Jonh Barber

The conversation between Optimus and Pyra Magna after issue #8, comes included in Optimus Prime vol 2. No Arcee here, we just learn about how Optimus met Bee and Pyra's omnious encounter with Onyx Prime. This will be referenced later, but you can skip it if you're tired.

For context: In the Revolutionary series, assorted characters from different IPs follow the track of a mysterious thing called The Talisman that seems to be linked to Onyx Prime. This includes Blackrock, who wants to learn more about his past, Kup and his new bestie Action Man, Anaya Jones, now working for G.I. Joe under the name Mayday. This leads them to a G.I. Joe villian called Kreiger who has a Transformer working under him.

Said Transformer is named Centurion, who used to think he was Bumblebee because Shcokwave brainswashed him and his crew in order to study a simulation of the Cybertronian war. At the end of it all the Talisman fuses Centurion's consciousness with that of a guy names Mike Powell, aka Atomic Man. Also Transformers are allergic to the Talisman.

First Strike by Mairghread Scott and David A. Rodriguez

Another crossover. This one is better handled than Revolution IMO by mainline focusing on two main IPs and leaving everyone else for the side stories, so you get a more centered narrative. Personally I think there's some really good stuff in here, but also some really stupid stuff. Either way it'll be important, but Arcee only has a role in the last two issues, so here's the rundown: Earth has agreed to join the Council of Worlds, but during the celebration, Joe Colton, ex-G.I. Joe, and Kreiger attack Cybertron with the objective of getting the Talisman to the core of the planet and get rid of Cybertronians while they're distracted. Colton is motivated by a mistrust of Cybetronians, thinking he has to get rid of them before they take over Earth. Scarlett, the current G.I. Joe leader and Colton's daughter-figure, gathers her team and gets to Cybertron in order to stop Colton. But when she gets to Cybertron, the Council of Worlds is feeling very wary of humans and arrests them all. Scarlett convinces Optimus they need her help to stop Colton, so OP breaks out G.I. Joe. Everyone rushes to stop Colton and Kreiger before they get to the core. Kreiger reveals himself to actually be a Visionaries villian and activates the Talisman to summon the city of New Prysmos, because his plan was always to take the planet and make it a new world for his people. Colton is arrested, but the Talisman has poisoned Cybertron's energon reserves. It also has the efefct of waking up Unicron, oops.

Optimus Prime: First Strike (Unification Day: Dawn) Transformers: First Strike (Unification Day: Dusk) by John Barber

First Strike side-stories, collected in Optimus Prime vol 2. Show what Arcee was doing before showing up in First Strike #5. She joing the Revolutionaries characters in rescuing Blackrock. Way less plot relevant than First Strike, but it has some very fun character interactions, so I do recommend it.

Optimus Prime #11-14 (volume 3) by John Barber

Two mini arcs: Primeless and The Dead Come Home. In the first one, Aileron tries to keep things in order on Earth while Arcee and Optimus are busy on Cybertron, my girl is trying her best. In the second one, Optimus learns about the newsparks growing in Trypticon that the Dinobots are protecting (how this came to be happens in the Redemption of the Dinobots trilogy) so he and Arcee deal with that. Good stuff all around IMO.

For context: On the Till All Are One series, Windblade and Bumblebee get through to Starscream, who confesses all of his crimes and is then arrested. Windblade is elected president of Cybertron.

Also, Kreiger's actions caused a bunch of people from his decaying world, the Visionaries, to come end up on Cybertron. They're divided in two camps, one who wants to take over the planet from themselves and one who doesn't want to do that because that's immoral. They fight it out. The Visionaries and Cybertronians come to an understanding. The important thing is that there are now wizard dudes living in their own city on Cybertron and we are reminded Transformers are allergic to magic.

Optimus Prime #15-21 (volume 4) by John Barber

The Falling arc. Things finally seem promising until Onyx Prime shows up and ruins everything. This is one of my favorite parts (yes, including the plot twist). Lots of characters get great moments including, of course, Arcee. On top of getting to show off, this is when she and Aileron share the first explicit romantic kiss between two Transformers.

Unicron #0 Optimus Prime #22 Unicron #1-4 Optimus Prime #23-24 Unicron #5-#6 Optimus Prime #25 by John Barber

Unicron is here, Transformers have to face the weight of their history. A history Arcee is all to familiar with. And with this we read the end. Please read it in the order stated above. Optimus Prime #25 serves as an epilogue. Arcee confirms what has been suggested this whole time, that she is without a doubt a trans woman. She gets to close the book on the continuity showing how far she has come. It's a very rewarding ending after everything, I think.

Bonus:

An Arcee Sort of Day by Peri Mercer

An one-shot included in Synergy: A Hasbro Creators Showcase released to celebrate women's day. It's set on its own vague continuity, but Arcee's characterization is based on IDW's, so you may enjoy it!

[blueberry-mufffinz]

ROBLOX OCS

Okay Actually Wait Before I COntinue Okay So I Like. For One Dont Think Too Hard About The World Around Them Bc I Know Its Roblox But Also Me N My Friend Just Made Shit Up On The Spot Second I Really Like These Guys But Idk If Theyre Like. Cringe Or Whatever So Uh. If They Are Block Me Or Smthn I Guess Sorry Man Anyways This Bouta Be A Long Ass Post So Literally Everything Undercut

GITE

Okay So. Gite, Along With Their Counterpart Who I'll Take About Later, Originally Was Just. An Outfit I Made Using A Bunch Of Items I Had On Hand. Then My Friend Had Me Turn Them Into An OC Which Is Actually What Started This Entire Thing And Goodness Gracious Do I Have A Lot Of Little Guys Now>

Notes

Maasssivee Fucking Yapper. Does Not Stop Yapping Worlds Biggest Yapper

Theyre Very Headstrong And Also A Littleee Tiny Bit Obnoxious Man Oh Man I Sure Do Wonder Why(Yapper)

Gite Plays Whatever (Roblox)Games Reck Plays, Originally Played Obbies

Poor Understanding Of Personal Space, Also Thinks Reck Should Be More Friendly And Talk To People

Uses Sarcasm Somewhat Often But It Always Sounds Friendly Or Passive Aggressive

Cannot Fly With Their Wings

This Guy Dont Rlly Got Much Lore So I Wont Like Make A Dedicated Lore Second For Him But, Okay This Is Where The Like Worldbuilding Gets Confusing But Bare With Me Here Okay, Gite And Reck Are Counterparts Because They Were Like. Spawned(??) At The Same Time In Cribs Next To Each Other. As Those Little. Pill Baby Things Life In Paradise Style Yeah

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RECK

Same Thing With Gite Reck Was Originally An Outfit Then Turned Into An OC I Honestly Dont Rlly Like His Wings But Aint No Way Im Buying New Ones When I. Actually Buy The Outfit Because Genuinely I Only Own Gite's Outfit Out Of All These OCs

Notes

Far More Introverted(???) Than Gite, Doesnt Yap Nearly As Much More Of A Listener

Pretty Calm And Chill Guy Honestly, Just Vibin'

Listens To Music Literally Whenever Possible, I Would Say 24/7 But Not 24/7 Because Gite Exists

Plays A Lot Of Tycoons Usually, But Also Sometimes Jumps Around To Try And Avoid Gite(Gite Keeps Finding Them)

Also I Think Reck Has That Retail Worker Tiredness Like In General I Think Reck Works Retail

Thinks Gite Needs To Back The Fuck Off And Learn Some Personal Space

Very Firm With Their Boundries. If Theyre Unhappy Or Uncomfortable With The Things Youre Doing Theyll Let You Know.

CAN Fly With Their Wings

Gite&Reck Notes

There's Some Notes That Apply To Both Of Them So Like-

Gite And Reck Like. Dont Like Each Other. They Dont Hate Each Other But They Sure As Hell Dont Like Each Other

Theyve Never Said They Hated Each Other But Sometimes They Call Each Other Annoying

I Think Maybe Perhaps I Havent Decided Honestly That They Become Lovers At. Some Point I Dont Know When

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DRAGON LOSER/FLORAL

Okay YEAH I Know Her Name Is A Little Mean But Like. For Context Some Of These Guys Get Names Based On Experience And Like. Itll Make Sense Soon I Swear

Notes

Plays A TON Of Dragon Games, Primarily Dragons Life And Dragon Adventures

Floral Is More Like Their "Roleplay" Name So Technically Her Name Is Really Just Dragon Loser, DL For Short Btw, But Dont Worry About It

They Have A Minor Liking For Fishes, But Its Mostly Dragons(But If Something Is Like- A Fantasy Sea Dragon She Goes CRAZY Over That Stuff)

She Incredibly Friendly And Will Just Walk Up To People And Start Talking Which is Probably Why She Thrives In RP Games So Much

Her Name Doesnt Effect Her In The Slightest

Can In Fact See Despite Their Eyes Not Being Visible

The Paint Is Actually Because Their Head Is Constantly Spewing Paint And Its Actually The Reason They Have A Hat On But Yeah Wiping It Away Wont Help With Anything

Chains Are Purely Aesthetic

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SOUL WANDER

This Guy I Made Like Purely As A Rival Of Some Form For My Friend's OC, Who Ill Be Calling F Because Yeah Also Im Shortening SOUL WANDER(yes its capitalized like that every time)'s Name To SW Because There Is No Way Im Typing That Every Single Time

Notes

Mysterious Guy, Fairly Quiet And Speaks In Vague Terms. Sometimes Riddles If He Feels Like It

Also He's A Little Smug

Ghostwalker(yes the SFOTH sword) Fanboy If You Couldnt Tell By The Shirt

Fucking HATES F, Like Knife Through A Picture Of Him On A Wall Type Of Hate. Does Not Like That Guy In The Slightest

Drops The Whole Vague Thing When Talking To F For Reasons I Genuinely Have Not Figured Out

Lives Alone And Also Doesnt Friends

And He's Also Poor Barely Paying For His Apartment And Food(I Dont Even Know How He's Making Money Honestly)

Like Genuinely Sleeps In A Corner With A Single Blanket Like I Feel Kinda Bad And He's My OC

Literally He Doesnt Even Care Either We Love Poor Self Preservation/j

Practically Half-Blind Pretty Much Also Taking Off Those Bandages WILL Flashbang Him He's Had Them On For So Long

The Face Shadow Thing Is Some He Can Do Entirely At Will

Used To Own A Cat

Ngl I Forgot To Write This But He Plays SFOTH Primarily And. Yeah Thats It Honestly

Lore

Look At That First Guy To Have Actual Thought Out Lore Lets Go Wahoo When SW Was Younger He'd Participate In Like Illegal Fighting Rings Or Whatever To Make Money. Nobody Is Supposed To Die But He Accidentally Kill A Person(Who Is An OC Ill Talk About Later) Once Near When He Started Because He Went To Into A Blind Panic And Punched Them To Death. Uh. Somebody(Also An OC Ill Talk ABout Later) Close To This Person Took Revenge Against SW And Brought A Knife Into The Fight In A Attempt To Blind SW, It??? Half-Worked Because The Sight In His Covered Eye Is Really Blurry(Eye Wasnt Punctured Fully But Got Damaged). This Situation Is Also Indirectly The Cause Of The Whole Vague Thing He Does, Because The Person Who Almost Blinded Him Is Tracking Him Down And Trying To Get Information On Him And SW KNOWS That So He Speaks Very Vague Because He's Paranoid As Fuck. ALSO! He Used To Own A White Cat He Named Spirit But F Stole Spirit When He Was Drunk And Then Kept Her So Now SW Thinks Spirit Is Dead But Actually F Has Her And Renamed Her Sparkle. SW Feels Really Bad For Failing To Care For Spirit, Used To Sacrifice Eating To Feed Her. Anyways Somewhere At Some Point In The Future SW Finally Gets Tracked Down, Cause Its Guarenteed To Happen At Some Point, And Gets Like Entirely Blinded I Drew Art Of Him Actually Ill Put All The Art Of These Guys At The End I Swear Anyways Yeah Gets Fully Blinded And Also One Of His Head Wings Gets Chopped To A Nub Also He Cant Do Whatever The Hell He Was Doing To Make Money Anymore So He's Homeless Again(Forgot To Mention He Was Homeless When Younger) But Its. Significantly More Difficult Now That He's Blind. And Also The Paranoia Is Still There Because He Literally Cant See And Also He Goes Entirely Silent Stops Speaking Completely GOODNESS I YAPPED SORRY!!!

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CAUTION: HAZARD

This Is The Guy Responsible For Almost Blinding, Eventually Fully Blinding, SW. Im Callin Him C:H For Short Because Again Im Not Typing All That Shit Out. I Dont Actually Have A Lot On This Guy or His Brother So Hopefully This Is Shorter Than SW's Section

Notes

Him And His Brother Are Aggressive In Nature, Hence The Whole Caution Thing

Barbarically Aggressive

Played Like. A Bunch A Ro:Bio N Shit With His Brother

Lore

C:H Watched SW Kill His Brother In The Fighting Ring, Overheard SW Talking About How He Went Into A Blind Panic And Decided "Why Dont I Make Him Actually Blind" So Uh. Yeah. His Plan Is To Catch SW Off-Guard In An Isolated Area Which Is Difficult Because Of SW's Paranoia. Has Sent People To Try And Get Information From SW Or Get Close To SW, So SW's Still Persistent Paranoia Is Valid

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CAUTION: RADIATION

This Is The Guy That SW Accidentally Killed. Callin Him C:R Because Long Ass Name. He's Not A Ghost Or Anythin Btw But If He Was He'd Be Actively Cheering C:H On Also Dont Have Much Information With This Guy Sorry

Notes

Yeah He Played Ro:Bio With C:H

And Again Yeah Naturally Aggressive

C:R Is More Sinsterly Aggressive If That Makes Sense

The Toxic Waste On His Head IS Apart Of Him The Barrel Is Not, Barrel For Aesthetic

Toxic Fumes Naturally Eminate From His Mouth, It Doesnt Smell Like Anything But Again It Is Toxic So Mask Holds Filters It Out

He's Immune To It Though So Its Okay

Lore

Not Much Lore Honestly But Basically Like. What Happened Is He Got Punched In The Gut Rlly Hard Which Winded Him Or Whatever Like Out Of Breath And Then Punched In The Jaw So Broken Jaw And Then SW Just Kept Punching Him Til He Died He Did Not Expect, What Percieved As, The Dumb Scared Kid To Straight Up Kill Him

-----------------------------

ABNORMALITY/MORPHO

Okay Last One I Swear Anyways Morpho Here Is Based Of Abnormality Dancin' Girl. I Was Listening To The Song And I Had A Vision™ And Went On A Spree Making Them

Notes

Okay To Start, I Will Be Using They/Them For Them Because Theyre Good With They/Them Pronouns Yes Thats Fine But Internally They Naturally Refer To Themself With It/Its For Lore Reasons

MASSIVE People Pleaser Like REALLY REALLY Big People Pleaser Its Genuinely Detrimental To Their Mental Health

Also A Social Chameleon To The Extreme, Changes Their Personality The Way They Talk And They Way They Dress Just To Fit In With The People Theyre Talking To

Used To Play A Lot Of Simulators And Tower Defense Games. Especially Tower Defense They Were Pretty Good At Those

Lore

Morpho Doesnt Really Know Who They Are Anymore. Theyve Been Changing And People Pleasing For So Long That They Dont Even Know If Theyre A Person, Thinking Of Themself As More Of An Object On On A Stage All Of This Changing Is Literally Like Physically Tearing Them Apart The Switching And Trying To Be Someone Thats A Them They Dont Know Is Physically Destroying Them They Cant Stop Though, Theyre So Tired And Nothing Feels Good Anymore But They Just Cant Stop. Theyre A Ticking Time Bomb Waiting To Die, Waiting To Scatter Into Thousands Of Blue Butterflies Even Then Their Efforts Will End Up For Nothing. The More They Switch And People Please The More They Fall Apart, And The More They Fall Apart The More People Leave, Which Then Causes Them To Change And People Please Even More And Try Even Harder Which Makes Them Fall Apart More And Its Just A Downwards Spiral Speeding Towards Their Death. Uhh. All Of This Started From A Person(I Might Leave This Person Unknown), Who They Were Really Really Close To And Told Everything To, Ghosting Them Suddenly And Leaving Them For Someone Else

-----------------------------

Art Time Yippe Hoorayy

This Is Gonna Go In Order, Also As A Note I Have Not Drawn DL, C:H, C:R, OR Morpho Yet. I Will Ebventually Just. Later.

This Next One W/ Gite And Reck Is Like A Comic Sortve I Made It Rlly Late At Night And Its A Situation That Will Happen At. Some Point Idk When. Dialogue Is Messy im Bad At Dialogue.

I Love Making Angst Of My OCs :)) Anyways Gite Yapping

I Cant Believe I Forgot To Put This Ill Just Put It Here But Reck Does Not Listen To A Word Gite Says A Majority of The Time. Gite Can Say The Most Out Of Pocket Shit Ever And Reck Will Go "Uh Huh Yeah" And Reck Wont Even Notice Until Gite Points It Out

Anyways SW Art Yayayay

Silly Little Video Of What Happened Heehoo Also Last Frame PNG Bc Yeah

Also Here's That Blinded SW Drawing I Promised

Okay Sorry For Yapping Those R All My Guys Wahoo

[lorisystem]

Wanted to do this meme again... i saw it as a repost just now so i dont have the source but i did it before, if anyone wants the template i can probably find it again later.

Wanted to detail about each one cause i& feel talkative

Legend:

Cross = yeah

Big bar = mostly yeah

Small bar = nuance (very little and/or not as a system thing)

No mark = no

"Who are you again" = Ok this all the time but not a system thing just faceblind.

Host/body trans = Yeagh

Dissociates mid conversation = This all the time but afaik not related to switching just. In our own little world a lot of the time + its hard to keep interest in some conversations. Also its hard to understand things said to us sometimes which makes us lose track a lot

Fictives = Not a fictive heavy sys but we do have some. Two full introjects n several half introjects (at least 2 possibly more)

Amnesia = We only get noticeable amnesia in very specific context (if something is very upsetting). Never full blackouts i think? That being said we have a lot of partial amnesia for certain things or periods of time. Like theres periods of time put behind some sort of curtain etc but we remember the main lines or its emotional amnesia etc.

"Whats a system" = Stopped being a thing around like 14 or 15(?) when we met another system. Before that we knew but didnt have the vocabulary

Chaotic headspace = Never been a thing for us. The brain just doesnt have the capacity to run full conversations in background if the focus is somewhere else. Our processing power is. Poor

Motherly figure as caretaker = None are women but yea Déborah n Jyu n even Avrei(/Shun) to some degree all of which are older/parental figures to several alters especially the younger ones

Fusion/integ = As of yet not really but we did get skill displacements which were starting to understand can be a start (host learning an alters skill and becoming more adapted)

Bad at communicating = We thought we were quite good for very long (and compared to somebody who has none. Yea) but actually. Were learning to get better a lot and discovered theres a lot more to learn. Cannot track switches at all for example n hard to discern passive influence. We just have different struggles. On top of that some alters just arent cooperative

Recovering persecutor protector = Yea love to have at least one system cliché . Franca & Zacharie.

No energy = This one is small bar bc i rlly dont think its system related. Also we still have enough energy to fake functionality and mask etc. But it could be better

"You have good imagination" = I imagine this is meant to fakeclaim and while i dont think somebody told me that to fakeclaim my system weve been told it about other things + it is true that we have a good imagination. We are very selective who we tell but yea decided to put that one as a cross bc it still feels accurate

ND = yea. One or two things going on other than plurality

No headspace = Our base headspace is very very simple but it did exist. We created an actual inner world around early HS i think and kept expanding it since. Some part are spontaneous but most of it was consciously created

Denial = small bar bc it doesnt rlly impact us too much anymore. We dont rlly care for external validation anymore

Not out as a system bc no one believes you = Well mostly yea but not only. Its not that i think absolutely noone would believe me bc if that was the only pb i wouldnt care. I just dont want to get harrassed, i need ppl to show me basic respect and not try to hurt me&.

Been fakeclaimed = Yes! A friend fakeclaimed us early on in learning about dissociative disorders bc we didnt tell them details of childhood trauma/said it wasnt traumatic - it was but we didnt realize at the time)

Co fronting gives headache = Never been a thing for us, at least unable to link headaches with switches (theyre not that frequent anyway)

Memory is shit = We are . Hypermnesic,

Everyone or almost is queer = Oh ya definitely. In some way or other

*Pretends to be host* = Yea. Allergic to ppl knowing who fronts

"When did i get here" = OK when i first read i thought this related to splitting and i put nothing cause we can pinpoint the origin period of most alters etc. But. Rereading i think it related to confusion after switching. Was a thing to a small degree for us until like 5 years ago or so and now we very rarely get this. It was never too big but sometimes we did have moments of confusion like "what am i doing? Where am i? Right, going to work... feels weird and out of place" etc. Not too bad

Traumagenic = yea. Always aware of this. We always knew alters were there to help and that they all had specific roles. I kind of remember the feeling of reading roles and being like woah. Yea yea. We had roles the whole time

Sarrey for long text. N inconsistent pronouns. It will happen again

[doctorhuh]

hiya! first, love the podcast and both of your senses of humor. second, i recently got to the part in your magician's apprentice ep where you suggest the clara/jane austen kissing comment was "something for the fellas," which seems like a continuation of the other times you two have been (not unjustifiably) critical of a lot of the portrayal of queer chars on DW, and i wanted to offer an alternate perspective - not in a "you're wrong and i'm mad at you" way, just in a "here's a perspective to think about if you'd like to" way. also, i'm not expecting a response (in fact, i think i'd find one embarrassing bc of how long this is) or for y'all to change, just tossing this out there

for context, i got into doctor who as a middle schooler at the beginning of my realizing-i-was-bi-and-nonbinary-in-a-homophobic-household journey. and as a result, jack harkness was Important to me. in fact, i think there's a poll that went around tumblr a month ago where 12% of this site's userbase said doctor who was the first place they saw an earnest depiction of a queer char. jack does plays into bi stereotypes, but he still has depth and likability, and i think that's more important than deciding he doesn't fuck, esp in 2005. plus, he and torchwood were created by rtd who is himself gay, so i'm willing to cut him some slack

i agree that the vastra/jenny "actually, she's my WIFE" exchange is mostly moffat looking for praise, but that scene was also Important to me as a closeted kid who could only fantasize about being so open about my sexuality. and last year, i /did/ get a little thrill when i was getting a haircut and the hairdresser (who /did/ give off homophobic vibes) asked me after my Person left, "are you two sisters?" and i could say no

regarding clara, my view of moffat's misogyny in writing DW has always been "he /is/ aware that a lot of the audience is women and kids and when he thinks to, he does write to those ppl, he's just also infected with the views-women-as-lesser parasite and doesn't make enough conscious choices to battle it." if you'd asked me if clara's bisexuality was /for/ any particular audience segment, i'd say i'd never thought about that before, but if it was for anyone, it was probably for the queer girls. i esp feel that way bc she's followed by bill (and yaz, though that wasn't moffat's doing). i also like that clara said that in front of her class! it's nice to see a teacher char be open about her bisexuality bc of how social reactionaries often rush to "think of the children!" and criticizing schools and teachers as their first line of offense. plus, gay teachers were my rocks in high school, and i loved hearing about their lives bc it made my own future feel more solid

in sum, if the metric for a portrayal of a queer char is "was this scene written thoughtfully and to make queer audience members seem seen?" what might seem cringey and forced to one queer person could feel very affirming to another. i think due to DW's intended younger audience, things fall into the affirming bin more often than expected, and i think they're also /intended/ to be affirming more often than expected. i'd be as annoyed as hell by all these scenes if i saw them for the first time today, but i remain glad they exist for the good they did for kids back then and (who knows?) maybe still today

have a good night!

Hiya! Thank you for the thoughtful message! I will say I do totally get what you're saying. In fact, I remember being a closeted queer teen in the 2010s and I felt the exact same way. I thought it was super cool to see a bisexual character on TV, and I remember when the 11th Doctor would have throwaway lines about, yknow, romances with other men or whatever I thought that was pretty cool too. I loved Jack back in the day! It's certainly not my place to tell a person that they're not valid for appreciating representation! I think any kid who saw something relatable or inclusive in DW is a big win. I do still feel like looking back and watching it as an adult with more context; we can get a sense that it could've been better! A lot of it reflected attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people from 10-20 years ago, that I think we've largely moved past. I feel like there's nothing inherently wrong *or* invalidating about pointing that kinda stuff out. With regards to Moffat specifically, I get frustrated with Moffat because I think we're all in agreement that we can do better than him to write representation, yeah? Moffat is very "tell don't show" about his characters' queerness in a way that I find personally frustrating. If Clara is bisexual, that's awesome!! I'd love for Moffat to have shown us this instead of just an offhand line about it. His track record is just really bad (anyone who has seen Sherlock can attest to this lol). That's why we are always kind of feeling like his inclusion of LGBTQ+ representation comes across in bad faith (i.e. queerbaiting, using queerness as setup/punchline, or just kinda trying to score points from the progressive viewers).

I'd add that I do think there's been some great LGBTQ+ representation on DW in the past and present. I can't be the only one who loved to see Donna being the parent of a happy, thriving nonbinary trans person. That brought me a lot of joy to see on my screen in a time that is SO fucking hostile for trans people (transfeminine people in the UK in particular have it really bad). More of that please, Rusty. Lastly, I should say our show puts us at a disadvantage by design in terms of good faith criticism, because we're literally not watching the show in a way that makes sense. So a lot of stuff we're saying is basically watching the show completely devoid of context and we're just trying to have a bit of fun and share our thoughts; I do think we've ate dirt on this 1000 times over it's part of the fun when our listeners get mad because we were just Completely Wrong. Like what the hell happens in the Zygon Inversion?? Or Heaven Sent?? We don't know but everyone is mad because we didn't have that context. I really disliked Clara and got at totally different read on her, now I'm much more cool with her as a character. If there's stuff we're missing that's kind of part of the fun. At the end of the day we're just two goobers with microphones trying to have a bit of fun and you're ten billion percent allowed to disagree with everything we say about DW. Also not to like, shill, or anything but if you ever want to discuss this stuff with us directly, our discord link is in every episode. You can join the chorus of listeners who get mad at us every week jkjk. Thank you for the thoughtful ask! I hope that clears up at least my own feelings on it a little bit. -Jordan

[autisticandroids]

gonna put my director's commentary under a cut because it's crazy long

first of all. i would like to thank @restlesshush for jack stuff, @davidfosterwallaceandgromit for pointing out the concept and coining the phrase "angel conflict resolution skills", @an-android-in-a-tutu, @pregstiel, and @hauntedpearl for being relentless cheerleaders, and @hauntedpearl and @restlesshush also for getting on my ass to add subtitles.

so. this video. lots of things. the first thing i want to say is that this video really... exists in relation to, or in the context of, four other videos.

the first is my pretty little head video. this is actually the most direct link because like... a few weeks after i made that video i decided i just fucking hated it. like i was not satisfied with what i had managed to convey. it was too unfocused, it wasn't doing what i wanted it to. which is a tall order, because what i wanted it to do was... convey my entire cas thesis. also, frankly, i got better video editing software after i made it and am now kind of embarrassed at how out of rhythm it is due to the vicissitudes of my old software.

but anyway, as a result of this dissatisfaction, i actually came up with this (love club) video concept and started outlining it, in september of 2021. if you're counting that's literally more than a year and a half ago. it's been sitting in my brain and my google docs ever since. i essentially invested so much emotional energy in this one video that i was both too intimidated technically to make it and also worried it wouldn't come out right, which is why i didn't make it for a year and a half. but i'm pretty happy with how it came out! part of the problem was that i was simply trying to put too much into one video, which leads me to...

this video to your love is a drug, which is like. a kind of spiritual companion to the love club video. i made it essentially out of plans i had for the love club video that weren't working out? like, it's crucial to show the hypnotically pleasurable nature of cas' experience in order to make a discussion on cas' tendency towards falling into cults and authoritarian and abusive situations work. and while the second verse of the love club video does kind of do that? there's not enough focus on it. so i did a whole separate video on the topic. ideally they should be watched together i think. and i guess i should actually commentate that video a little before going further.

#spn#vid#i may come back and reblog with some meta but for now. director's commentary in the tags#this one is pretty straightforward. it's even MORE straight forward if you've seen my pretty little head amv#since this is basically 'pretty little head amv [cheerful version]'#anyway. this is MOSTLY about cas being in love with dean. but there's some stuff in there about like cas accepting dean as his god#and like why that happened. obviously cas is kind of an unreliable narrator here he's not exactly thinking straight#so there's a lot of stuff here that's about the narrative cas tells himself. which isn't necessarily or even likely to be true#so like for example the reason he accepted dean as his god was bc of like. godstiel trauma basically. and he really hasn't unpacked that#anyway the other slightly more complex theme in here is that cas looooves that dean is a serial killer &lt;3#cas voice you hurt people? you hurt people for me? you hurt other people and then you treat me so tender? [tongue emoji]#of course cas is wrong in assuming that dean is only interested in hurting OTHER people. but cas' secret weapon is of course#that he doesn't care. he'll get off on that too. cas can get off on anything#anyway the last three hours of me editing this were basically just like.#god this show is so ugly *turns saturation sliders all the way up* he's in love bitch let's get you some COLORS#also there's a secret prank hidden in this video which is of course that the song (your love is a drug by puffy) has the same guitar riff#as that one direction song. the famous one. but your love is a drug came first so.#oh and special thanks to pallas leo elisabeth cy and the cas whump chat. all of whom consulted on this video#also did you guys enjoy the sam live slug reaction moment. i enjoyed it.

^those are the original tags. the your love is a drug video is fairly straightforward in that it's mostly, essentially, dean touching cas and cas enjoying it in various ways, or just dean behaving in ways that spin cas' head (mostly either affectionately or violently; sometimes both). but there's a few moments i want to draw attention to.

first of all there's a throughline about cas' season five/six crisis of faith; it goes from on the head of a pin "i still serve god" to his theologically mediated hangover in 99 problems to his self-destructiveness in point of no return. i used to see the world as dark is him calling god a son of a bitch in dark side of the moon intercut with the eventual distant result of that development, the carnage of meet the new boss. now everyday the sunshine's in my heart over honey cas, when cas' response to trauma was to drown himself in false happiness (and this is also the start of his habit of desperately flinging himself into following any order or higher power he can; more on i saw the route of flowers later). you lift me up as dean literally supporting his weight at the end of meet the new boss, standing in as a symbol of how post-godstiel cas eschews agency and allows dean (and others as well, but this video is about his relationship with dean) to make his decisions for him because he no longer trusts himself, or at least, he no longer trusts himself to set wider goals.

and then there's a few other moments that i feel like need pointing out. make my worries obsolete over cas' initial rebellion is absolutely about the fact that cas is willingly sacrificing himself there, he's willingly dying (and the fact that the reason he's willing isn't really rational, he was knock[ed] off his feet) which matters because that's also like. a theme in this love club amv.

then of course there's the way in your love is a drug cas recontextualizes cruelty through the pleasure he gains from it. dean is awful to cas in holy terror (and immediately before it), but also dean smiled at him in that bar and that's all that sticks. we've talked to death the shitty nature of dean's apology in the trap, but that's another one in here, all is forgiven in the end because dean hugged him. (there's also all of the violence but that's more complex; while that is cas being harmed and forgiving dean the harm, there is something appealing about the violence as itself) this is also the purpose of i know i'll never shake the stuff over dean showing up in heaven can't wait: this is the point where cas realizes it's just... impossible to hold anything against dean. dean will always come back and sweep him off his feet and put cas back on the whirlygig no matter what. and he really stops trying. in order to maintain his relationship with dean he just starts forgiving him everything. and this is a post season nine development. dean can hurt cas as much as he wants and cas chooses not to hold it against him or really integrate it at all because it would mean losing this his most important relationship. and because he will reap the dubious rewards. and because, well, dean will sweep him off his feet anyway so why try?

anyway. all of that is important because it's all stuff that's theoretically relevant to the love club amv but not the focus of it, which is why these two videos are kind of a pair. like, if you look at my intro to the love club amv it's a list of times dean hurt cas and then a list of times dean touched him; cas also experiences the pleasures of affection in the cult in the second verse and experiences being expected to sacrifice himself in the first chorus and being betrayed in the second. but that's not really what the video is about. while those are inevitable results of invitation into the winchester family cult, the tragedy of the love club video is about other stuff. so the your love is a drug video is kind of a necessary supplement. like, it is necessary to understand that cas' experience here is both ecstatic and hypnotic, you know?

anyway. the third video that this video is deeply interrelated with isn't mine. it's spn angels | runs in the family by snooglyshnork on youtube. obviously. like, this and the pretty little head video and the your love is a drug one are all... in a way they're my attempt to put my own spin on that video, you know? like obviously i'm saying different stuff or there would be no point in not just... rewatching the runs in the family amv. but there is a meaningful sense where all these videos, taken together, really are just my spin on that video more than anything else.

the fourth video is, well. this one. i feel like the connection is obvious. but like one of the most striking things @restlesshush has ever said to me is that that video inserts subtext into that scene that is not present in the original text. in the original scene cas is horrified but there is no implication of his guilt. he asks naomi for an apology for trying to lobotomize him, and like. yeah she shouldn't have done that but it's insane that the first thing cas thinks of is that and not his own complicity in the extinction of his species, you know? like honestly, i'm not inclined to blame cas. most of that was done either not-as-himself really, or in genuine self-defense because the first reaction of angels to any kind of disagreement is murder (because due to living absolutely authoritarian lives and having any experience of making actual choices (i.e. disobedience) wiped from their brains so they can't learn from it, they have no framework for dissent). but like. that's not how cas sees it. he should blame himself. he doesn't really have a solid framework of why things are his fault (...which is one of the reasons for a lot of his problems), he just does stuff and then it goes bad and he blames himself, even though it's frequently a result of factors outside his control. (hell, honestly i think cas would willingly submit to lobotomy, might even be absolutely ecstatic about it, if it wasn't for the fact that naomi made him kill other angels and tried to make him kill dean. like. cas WANTS to have his self and individuality obliterated and his choices taken away. that's his dream. he craves brainwashing. the problem is that he could not get with naomi's goals). and it's dumb and ooc that he didn't do it in funeralia. so this video kind of adds that back in.

anyway, now that that introduction is over with we can finally like... actually talk. about this video i just made.

so i've talked to death the subject of cas and angels and cults. and so have other people. but i wanna talk about specifics.

first i kinda wanna talk about naomi? or, you know. gush. gush about naomi. because i'm obsessed with her. because the thing about naomi is she is, to me, very genuinely tragic.

like, i used her in this video as a synecdoche for heaven's control. which is, you know, it's an obvious choice. but i do think it fits, and most crucially i think naomi and her relationship to heaven is a really solid parallel for dean and his relationship to the winchester family. which is relevant given that dean is the emblem for the winchester family cult i'm using.

like, supernatural is in many ways a show about headless bodies. and i think heaven and the angels are maybe the best example of this. because like... the thing is, they're just doing what they think god would want them to do. but he is gone. like, the archangels' relationship to god is to either do what they think he would want (michael; raphael, but there's another layer with him which is that he is also doing what michael would want/would do in michael's absence; lucifer is just doing the opposite of what god would want), or flop around like headless chickens (what lucifer does post-s11 without god's disapproval to guide him; gabriel's total disengagement and hedonistic passivity). and the power structure of heaven basically all just exists to facilitate that. like, all the other angels exist to follow michael and raphael's orders. but then of course in season eight there are no archangels left and heaven is tearing itself apart. and it was always going to, because of the kind of absolute authoritarianism that naomi helps prop up. and naomi's goal is really just... to hold things together. to keep things normal. she, too, is not really working towards her own goals and interests. she isn't the queen, she's the high priestess, just like michael and raphael. she isn't working towards her own goals, she's working towards the goals of a mysterious leader who isn't even present. like, she may be one of the highest authorities left in heaven post-s7, but that's not how she wants it. she doesn't want power, she wants the machine to keep running the way it's supposed to. she's a technician. and she's trying to keep angel society as it was functioning. in many ways, she is right! theoretically if naomi could keep things running indefinitely, she could save a lot of angel lives, and keep them happy and well-adjusted, too, if your definition of happy and well-adjusted includes having no doubts or individuality and being well-lobotomized. but the thing is, she can't keep things running indefinitely because that kind of absolute authoritarianism is inherently unstable. the level of control and violence it requires is not indefinitely maintainable. it's bound to collapse sooner or later, and then in the aftermath the angels will have none of those wonderful useful skills like conflict resolution or making choices that you get from being allowed a certain amount of conditional training-wheels freedom before just being released onto the world free to do what you will. and it will be a blood bath.

and i think that's a solid parallel to dean. because in many ways, dean is a headless body. he doesn't maintain authoritarian control of his family because he wants something from it, he does it because that's how things are supposed to be. he's not trying to get anything out of it except maintaining a kind of stability and order in which he is as much a subject as everyone else. he is not the king, he's the high priest of the cult of john winchester. just because john is dead and gone doesn't mean that dean can stop maintaining it. like naomi, he maintains the cult for its own sake. the purpose of the cult is self-reproduction, nothing else. dean has no goals except maintenance of the status quo. he too is a technician.

which is why i used naomi as the face of the angel cult in this video, and why i placed her dialogue against dean's dialogue/dialogue about dean ("i fixed you" vs. "you used to be human" and "i'll find some way to redeem myself to you"). because they serve similar roles.

this is also, by the by, why i had naomi mouth the word "love" in my mother's love is choking me (while in the show she's saying "hold still"). because she does love them. the angels. in her way.

next point. "i saw the route of flowers. it's all right there, the whole plan, there's nothing to add." honey cas is like. that whole situation is one of the reasons cas is so very vulnerable to being in a cult. he rejects agency, because as an agent he has ruined everything. he lives under the weight of absolute, crushing guilt. and so being nothing more than a cog in a machine is soothing to him. at his lowest, at the end of season seven and the beginning of season eleven, cas leans towards absolute passivity. when he collapses, this is how he falls: into total nonfunction. making choices becomes an impossible horror, both because it's just not something he's used to, and because he can never trust himself to make correct ones (because his choices always just seem to turn out poorly). so in season seven, he removes his ability to choose to dole out violence entirely, and in season eleven, he simply fully collapses in on himself and stops being able to do anything. and this leads to him desperately seeking out an authority figure, any authority figure, to make his choices for him. which is one of the reasons he's in cults. and of course, the cults are part of the reason why he doesn't trust himself in the first place; cas, i know you try to be a good guy, okay, i do, you try says dean. after everything you did, to us, to heaven. i fixed you, castiel. i fixed you! says naomi. but this is a vulnerability that exists in cas outside of intentional attempts to play on it. and it is in the end a result of his experiences as part of the heaven cult - the reason he relates to choice in this way is partly a result of the unspeakable guilt of godstiel arc, but that in itself is kind of the result of the inevitable collapse of heaven, which is a result of heaven's authoritarian nature. and the way cas processes it happens because he has spent his life as a drone without choice up until he had a glut of it. like he doesn't really have the skill at making choices and regulating his emotions that would allow him to look at the situation rationally, because he just doesn't have the experience. he has, functionally, four or five years of existing as an individual under his belt at that point (because any other experience has been lobotomized out of him). it's not much to go on.

(i also quite enjoyed the double meaning of the line. get out your maps and papers find out your hiding places again. the route of flowers and all it stands for: the will of god, external deterministic control, non-agency, all of those are a kind of map. but they are also, for honey cas, primarily a hiding place. he hides in them from his guilt and anguish.)

i also want to talk about cas and the hive. obviously i always want to talk about cas and the hive it's my favorite topic. but it really is relevant. a crucial element of cas' vulnerability to being in a cult is his desire to be reabsorbed into the hive. like, this is why i included the dragonfly eye of group mind line from 5x04. endverse cas is in many ways replacing the communion of heaven. he wants an absolute communion, no self, no boundaries, he will eat the whole world to make it a part of him. and that's what he gets out of being involved in the kinds of intense relation that dean gives him: absolute communion. of course, it's also sexual; part of my argument in this video in fact is that the appeal of the winchester family cult over the heaven cult is that it's got individual, hedonistic, embodied pleasures. people are nice to him, they're affectionate with him, they touch him. at the same time there is also explicitly sexual pleasures: he kisses meg, has homoerotic experiences with dean, watches crowley seal a deal with a kiss. (this is why take the pill, make it too real is over cas' grace vampirism and also him examining his body in meet the new boss and lazarus rising: these are the horrors and consequences of embodiment, wrapped up with the horrors and consequences of guilt). but yeah. like, when endverse cas is talking about the dragonfly eye of group mind, he has lost the communion of heaven. he is also about to have an orgy. they are intertwined. they are the same.

i also want to talk about my specific choice to use anna and uriel a lot in the first verse. with anna, that's partly because she was kind of... the first authority figure cas tries to get to be his leader. there's a reason i used the scene where cas says "i don't know what to do. please tell me what to do." and anna says "like the old days? no, i'm sorry. it's time to think for yourself" over what about the kid? / it's time the kid got free. and of course there's the dean/anna kiss and its relation to cas' sexual awakening. but anna and uriel both also serve a different role, which is that they're examples of other rebellious angels. like, the most interesting thing about the angel stuff in season four is that we see three rank and file angels. and all three of them turn against heaven in different ways. it's like rebellion is inevitable. every angel is a potential cas. in fact, cas is the least rebellious of the three! season four is about cas teetering on the edge of disobedience, while anna and uriel have both already toppled over. and uriel is actually also a great example to put cas against because cas is more similar to uriel than anna. anna falls for her own freedom; cas changes his allegience like uriel. this is one of the reasons why i included uriel's our father! in the dialogue mashup. like, i just want to put some dialogue from on the head of a pin in here:

CASTIEL: The murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it.

URIEL: If not the demons, what could it be?

CASTIEL: The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel. We are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished.

URIEL: You think our father would—

CASTIEL: I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong.

and then later:

URIEL: Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?

CASTIEL: It is our father's world, Uriel.

URIEL: Our father? He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva.

CASTIEL: Are you trying to convert me?

URIEL: I wanted you to join me. And I still do.

like this goes crazy right? in terms of themes? you agree. like, uriel asks cas to join him, in the same way cas asks anna to guide him. they're much more similar than they are different.

so i've just learned that tumblr has link limits. click here to read the rest.

SAM: Well, you know, sometimes families do better after a little time apart. DEAN: Yeah, who? The Mansons?

[youtube with subtitles] [youtube without subtitles]

a meditation on cas and cults. the starting point and the ending point. angels and winchesters. love and affection and family and the twisting of it. the invitation to destroy yourself, and the appeal of being absolutely subsumed.

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