#most of those pages can fuck off tho

[deez-nuts-sixty-nine]

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever finished two long running assignments in the span of 30 minutes and closed both sets of tabs.

[xaykwolf]

Dissertation proposal edits...radiation that specifically turns grey matter to goo...

What's the difference?

[brainscrems]

Making a little pinned post for goyim who stumble across this blog. Nothing in your background, none of your experiences with marginalization, nothing at all makes you exempt from having internalized antisemitism. The best thing you can do is seek out a wide range of all jewish voices with no preconceived notions, hear how different things affect their lives and oppression, and take that into account about what you say and do. Next thing to address. Antisemitism from the left DOES exist and it IS in your movements for palestinian liberation, as ugly a truth as that is. I support a free palestine and an end to genocide. So, when I showed up to my first protest and saw a displayed swastika with hundreds of people around, I was extremely dismayed that not a single one was willing to stand up and say a goddamned thing. This is the state of antisemitism on the left. Most people won’t *openly* spout hateful rhetoric, tho those who will are quite loud. The real problem is that there is no collective willingness to go after the open antisemites in these movements. It’s deemed acceptable because it’s for a good cause. And let me tell you, this shit is quite typical and we jews see it constantly. Just because you aren’t seeing antisemitism doesn’t mean it’s not there. Of course you aren’t seeing it. You’re not jewish. You don’t have the background to notice shit that you’ve been taught is normal and fine. Yet, your silence in the face of these things or even your engagement in them still hurts us. And. You know what they say. If nazi joins 4 people at a table and they do nothing about it you have 5 nazis. So. What can you do? Seek out jewish voices and LEARN!! Don’t tokenize us. Don’t choose ones you already agree with. The first resource I recommend for dealing w antisemitism in leftist spaces is called “The Past Didn’t Go Anywhere” by April Rosenblum. This is a jew with a long history of palestinian advocacy and she has done a great job at breaking down where antisemitism happens. Link at the bottom. It was written in 2007 and remains depressingly relevant today. This pamphlet is 24 pages, a bit long, but very thorough. This pamphlet is the barebones details of what’s antisemitic btw. The things listed in there are basic “nearly every jew in the world” would agree things. There is more than just what is contained in there that’s antisemitic and your best resource is gonna be listening to jewish voices. No tokenizing. No dismissing. Just listening and seeing what makes sense. That said, this shit is essential reading because it gives you the tools to start making spaces safe for jews. If you don’t care about that then, well, you probably don’t belong on this blog.

EDIT: In an ideal world I would like a binational one-state solution with a right of return for jews and palestinians as well as massive reparations for palestinians. I don’t identify as a zionist. And. I know jews who identify as zionists who want the exact same things I do. If your rhetoric is calling for violence against those people you can fuck right off. Zionist is a jewish word that has been appropriated by goyim, both by christian “zionists” as well as those who wish to discredit jews wanting to live peacefully with palestinians in our shared homeland. It means whatever the jew using it says it does in the context of their speech. The people who support the ethnic cleansing and genocide of palestinians or the treatment of palestinians as second class citizens are called kahanists and racist assholes, not zionists. Stop misusing our fucking word. Learn what the word means from actual members of our community instead of shouting about it as a fucking outsider and appropriating a term with deep community roots. Yea, Israel has committed so many war crimes and is currently committing genocide. This is not what zionism represents to most zionists so if you’re pushing that narrative just fucking do better and stop putting jewish lives at risk with your irresponsible rhetoric. I once again redirect you to the linked pamphlet. This is not a heavily focused on topic in it, but it gives clear instructions on what not to do, even if it doesn’t give you all the details on the why.

[emo-batboy]

Fan pages on Twitter with Bruce are making me think of one thing. Kpop Twitter. Do u think they would be making fancams of him too? Photocards? Posters? Buying 10 copies of vogue just for different cover with him?

*takes off glasses* now I cannot reveal the secrets of my Twitter au BUT you came to the right person :DD

NOW CONSIDER

BRUCE WAYNE AS A FORMER MODEL (idk if this has been done before with Battinson? Let me know so I can read it)

So maybe Bruce did some covers for a business magazine in his late teens or early 20’s and it went really well!!

a few luxury brands asked if this fresh-faced Bruce Wayne would consider being an ambassador. Maybe a brand of watches, suits, sunglasses, something business-like or old money

He agrees to work with some suit company cuz his dad loves the brand and he likes them too now

This earns him his first ever taste of A-List Celeb Status. He is on the cover of magazines, not just business and fashion: Gossip magazines. Tabloids. People recognize him and want his autograph. Paparazzi follow him to lunch dates with friends.

They want to know his favorite color, cereal brand, ice cream flavor, and not because they want to be billionaires like him (poor little nepo baby) but because they love him so much they want to know every little detail of his life.

He is given the title of heartthrob over and over again (and I mean look at him, ofc he is)

He despises it with every cell in his body.

BUT he keeps working for this one luxury tailor brand until his contract ends. Maybe two or three years?

He has a good relationship with them, still. Wears their suits mostly, recommends it to friends if they need a new one. But he’s decided it’s not for him anymore.

Now. Every year, during New York Fashion Week, Bruce is invited to walk in their show. (This brand gives all of their ambassadors the opportunity.) Sometimes, he says yes. Sometimes, he doesn’t.

He refuses for a few years (during his vengeance era) until Bruce Wayne changes and decides to make more appearances. NY Fashion Week comes around, and Bruce returns for one (1) show.

Oh lordie the stans

They arrive in droves

EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER SEES THE CLIP OF BRUCE WAYNE WALKING AT THE FASHION SHOW!!

He tears up that fucking runway! He’s a seasoned veteran of course he does

THE BRAND BEGS BRUCE TO COME BACK

And ya know what?

He says yes

Cuz he wants to be personable, likable, approachable, a role model (no pun intended)

His bitterness is slowly dissipating, and he’s grown stronger after the stress of his early 20’s and the hatred of his late 20’s. He’s an Adult TM who can handle it.

This is when he learns about the new emergence of stan culture :)

The edits are EVERYWHERE

Some are from his new collections and looks

Others are made up of early 2010’s Bruce Wayne

Imagine like those sparkly ones with cute music in the background and it’s just Bruce smiling

(And then there’s the thirst trap ones, you know those one)

Pretty boy billionaire Bruce Wayne and his army of fans could declare a nation. They’re your cousin, your friend, your teacher, your goddamn accountant.

Old posters from Tiger Beat 2009 go up on eBay for thousands of dollars

And those old “vintage” fashion magazines where he’s on the cover, those could cost you rent

Bruce walks some new shows and agrees to pose for some magazines (fashion AND business, among others)

Vogue offers him the cover, which he accepts

They run out of stock.

(How is that even possible?)

Fancams of him walking down the street and attending press conferences crop up? That’s what surprises him the most.

He is still very camera shy but the more he gets to know the regular fansites, he feels more comfortable waving and talking to them. (And hopefully they don’t suspect a thing. PLEASE don’t suspect a thing.)

There are a lot of events where they’re not allowed in but if it’s a public event, they will be there

(There are some creepy ones tho, and Alfred handles them accordingly) (with a call to the police) (and occasionally a hose)

It’s fun tho, allows Brucie Wayne, Billionaire Nepo Baby Extraordinaire, to become separate from his nightly persona

This is how Bruce becomes very familiar with Stan Twitter

But he still refuses to make an account for his own sanity

It’s for the best

[kosmicdream]

The FATE of FEAST FOR A KING

.. and Nasty Red Dogs… 

And some other miscellaneous thoughts about comics, writing, and time.... AND ENDINGS...

============= 

As I’m approaching 10 years on FFAK and NRD is currently 5, I’ve been reflecting a lot on How far this journey with comics has taken me and how far I still have yet to go. For those unaware, my first webcomic was actually Eggshells, which started in 2011, but i only started posting pages publicly in 2013. It too is unfinished, but its planned for 7 chapters. (I’m currently working on chapter 5, which probably will come out early next year.) I have 9 ongoing comics I’m working on. NINE!! 3 of those are FFAK related. (FFAK, After Dinner Treat, and the prequel series “Help.”) It is so many comics though. And beyond that! I have two other stories I’ve been working on for the past few years in secret, one being Nice Blue Cats, which I might still draw as a comic someday.. As well as a series of “one shots” that is meant to be its own collection. Slugmom and “The Teacher & The Fairy” are part of these one shot collections. Which, uh, it was designed to help me practice writing short stories. Which TT&TF is now going to be three parts long, and roughly 300 pages. So I guess that’s short enough…? Ha.. laughs… Anyway, as I was saying.. Sometimes I’m sure, readers might wonder. “Do you ever feel overwhelmed, with so many projects Kosmic?” Yeah dude. I sure fucking do. I got 9 of them! That’s more than a full pokemon team of projects that are potentially a decade + of work. A couple of them already are a decade old/older at this point. (Praeymoon is actually one of my oldest-lasting projects, even tho its first chapter only finally released in 2023.. I first attempted to draw ch1 back in 2016, but was unable to finish it and scrapped the “full color” angle i was trying then. ) All my current ongoing comic projects are as follows: Feast for a King, Nasty Red Dogs, Eggshells, The Teacher & the Fairy, Replacer, The Eyes of Miasma, FFAK: After Dinner Treat, FFAK: Help, are all written. The only one which isnt fully written is Praeymoon, which I don’t mind because the way that story is organized is almost more of a sandbox-fantasy world of mini stories. I’ll be honest, if you havent heard of Replacer or The Eyes of Miasma, I don’t blame you- its not that i don’t like those stories. They just kind of are the “most neglected” comics yet I’m also kind of amazed they exist at all, like I DONT know how I found the time to draw over 100 pages for both of them. They also have fully written outlines and all things considered, are probably only going to be under 400-500 pages in length. But that’s still a decent amount of work there. Its been ten years since I more or less started making webcomics… and as I plan, and try to calculate all my projects for the next 10 years, my main priority at the moment is well.. Finishing all of these fucking stories one way or another. Its hard! I don’t know if I can as I put way too much on my plate. But at the same time like.. Whatever. I could easily drop most of them, if I felt inclined to - but I don’t. They are my library of work, and I’ve sort of made an artist oath to myself that I will see as many of them to the end as I can. I’m excited that three are very close to its end. (Nasty Red Dogs, The Teacher & the Fairy, and Eggshells.) After that well.. I’ll see what I can cross off my list next once I get there.. That’s still going to take years to get those done. But hopefully not too many. 

[Spoilers for potential LENGTHS of FFAK/NRD.. And other things.. I speak very transparently about writing and working on comics here AND including my thoughts on ENDINGS.. You’ve been warned]

I’m comfortable enough sharing that the fairy comic is 3 parts, Eggshells is 7 chapters, but when it comes to FFAK/NRD.. Its much harder to give an estimate, or if sharing those things will only be disappointing or annoying to hear about.. If you have ever been around me for more than 10 minutes, i am constantly talk about the “length left” on these projects a lot anyway. At night, i count them in my head. In the day, I write little lists as if I’ve forgotten the names of them.. They are MY LIST.

 But for those who do not know and wish to, NRD is likely going to end with 10 chapters. I have extended this in the past, so it could still change.. but it only really has gotten “longer” due to pacing of scenes rather than the actual content. And Honestly, it was paced out specifically to avoid this next chapter. Not that I didn’t want to draw it, its because i was Scared to do it.. Why? Because there’s cars I have to draw in it. And dogs. I have drawn those things before, at least once or twice. But I do not enjoy drawing cars or dogs. Dogs are okay now, but i hate that they have legs. Dont give me references, i have those. Its just how my brain is, with those fuckign legs and how there’s four of them. I know practice makes perfect. Or do-able. I have drawn amost 1000 pages of NRD, i dont remember how they bend and i’ve forgiven myself for knowing there’s just some things god cannot do, which is to give kosmic the ability to look at a dog leg and understand. Anyway. Because of this reason, somehow, finishing NRD with it only possibly being 4 more chapters, still feels harder than finishing ALL of FFAK - which (drumroll) might be .. only around 10 or 12 chapters left. Yes, you heard me- for the second AND third arc. 10 or 12 more. Will that also change? Probably!!!!!! Like, yes… its been 9 years and I’ve completed a lot more than just 10 chapters of comics in that time.. But wrapping up a story is way harder and I dont know what that’s like..yet! But i feel still confident that i will. I mean, i don’t really have any other choice than to experience it. I used to recoil and fall apart just emotionally contemplating finishing FFAK. my FUCKING baby. My joy. You mean that has to end?? NEVER. My attachment to it and the characters was incomparable to anything else I had done, and in my mind ever WILL make… (and that is still true.) But.. I’m okay with that now and I actually look forward to seeing how it could end up. Even if its bad! 

Its kind of weird to say, I just don’t really think it will be.. super good? Like.. it could be? I don’t know how readers will react. I dont even know how I feel about the whole thing.. I have felt so many feelings about this comic already, now I’m kind of.. Past it in a new stage. Zen like peace almost. There’s just.. so much that I wanted to PUT in FFAK and so much i could STILL put in. But I kind of just am okay with what i wrote, does that even make sense? The whole comic has felt like such a fluke to me, from the very start. And I managed to accidentally make so many great things in it I don’t actually understand sometimes. And my dreams for the comic has been nearly limitless. I couldn’t possibly contain all the feelings I’ve had over this story over the many years I have been making it, and all the incredible narrative outcomes I could see the characters going in.. the possibilities, the parallels.. The anime music videos..  I would NOT compare my writing style to GRRM, I haven’t read his books. but I can’t help but feel a bit like a weird baby version of him with the amount of cast members I have to push around and draw.. And I want to be clear. If FFAK was written as a book, it wouldn’t happen. I cannot write books. I do not think writing books is easier/faster than making comics, but sometimes it is hard to have to draw everyone. Point is, I understand the reality of a long-term comic project now, I have numbers and logs to prove it  and my range. And I’m fairly consistent, even in my low days. So.. in recent years my writing style has.. has changed to accommodate.. Those.. General Realities i’ve observed in myself. 

That’s why the second arc excites me. It has a lot of uhh, urgency that underlies it. You might have already noticed a change in the tone in chapter 16, which I’ve been working on for almost a year now. (I mean, I’ve been working on the written version for.. LOL.. much longer.) Maybe you haven’t! It could all just be from my own POV with how differently i feel that I delegate time to characters now. I did not start “writing” FFAK until chapter 10, and then i did not really start WRITING writing ffak until about.. Honestly, i want to say as late as 2019. It TOOK SO LONG you guys. I dont even know how many fucking thousands of pages of madness word documents I’ve got, with revision after revision and trying to list, contain, every possibly plotline… character backstory.. Blah blah blah.. Ive cut it down so much its impressive only to me. I don’t remember my lore anymore , and i love it. My readers probably know my lore better, and I don’t love it. Except when it benefits me. Then Its good. I would not describe myself as a RUTHLESS cut THROAT author, im actually too way sentimental to really let go of anyone. That’s why it took me so long to kill off Rock, but also because I wanted spoon to look really sexy and evil and that’s hard to do sometimes when I cant remember what half side he is. And when he was flipping around, I had to actually make a paper doll for him so i could TRY .. TRY to draw his arm on the correct side. Sometimes I didn’t. I just let it go if the drawing is good enough and i let it be a fun game for the readers to catch. But anyway, That’s why characters like Aeschylus are still around. Now that time has passed, I kind of regret it. Rome was right.. I dont need Aeschylus here and I’m mad he brought his friend Randall too. That being said, they’re some of my favorite characters in this arc even if they’re totally useless. In general, i have tried my best to not repeat all my writing sins and all my regrets of arc 1. I would not have been able to do this without the help of NRD to help get me to see that I can get attached and motivated to write new stories. When I hit my writing block in 2016/2017, it almost broke FFAK. FFAK still continued, but it also didn’t. But i was patient, and i worked through it.. And now I look forward to the ends of my comics, not because I want them to end but I’m very deeply excited for all the new opportunities my imagination to go to. I don’t know what that will be like. I don’t know how long it will still take me to get there, but I have it on [digital] paper and it does feel good to see that. Its affirming. I feel like i have a clear mission and I feel strong enough to really do it and commit to it. The second arc has barely started but in my heart I’ve made peace with the ending, whatever it might actually result as. 

Plus if I finish it and its so bad, I’m sure that will be inspiring in itself! People might actually write fanfics!! I think a lot of readers are NOT going to enjoy the ships, for one. The MEAN greedy part of me hopes they don’t. That’s the most ruthless part of my writing to me is the ship choices. Oh! My evil mind. I mean theres no possible way to please everyone, or even myself, but there is a possible way to displease a lot of people. Including myself. So that’s kind of the route I find myself drawn to. Why? Because it gets me out of the hole of like.. I dunno, being stuck. 

I used to write out a lot of big posts but over the years, I’ve kinda stopped. Mostly bc they were honestly really repetitive..or about lore that didn’t truly matter too much… That hasn’t really changed. This post is more or less “im still working on it, everyone! Just hang tight! Wow it’ll be a crazy wild ride” but it also is something I wanted to write to myself as words of encouragement. This has been a tough year. Like so tough that its hard to think about. But its very nice to feel like, i guess, my drive for my stories hasn’t gone anywhere. If anything, i really feel like i’ve gone through the mourning and ego death of “not being able to write a thing how you want” and now I’ve made total peace with it. Its just gonna be what it is, and I like that actually. When my life is tough, my comics at the moment serve as a place of hope for me - and assurance that I can survive through tough years. That’s the message they have ultimately given me, finished or not. And… I honestly don’t think of FFAK or NRD as my masterpieces or anything, but i know they might very well be the only stories people will know of when they think of me. If they think of me! So I wanna do a complete job with those. Rest assured, it’ll get there. I cant make big promises about all the comics I work on… even the bonus comics for FFAK, but at least those main two are my main priorities. That has not changed. THE FIRE is still in me. Even if FFAK took a like.. Mental.. 5 year hiatus its back baby. 

I’m about 30 pages in to my 50 page script for chapter 16, so I guess it’ll be around 300-400 pages more before its done. Things are picking up speed! So it could be less. I am also preparing for the monster that is the 7th nasty red dogs chapter. I cannot stress ENOUGH that this next chapter, I have put off since chapter 4. Yes, I’ve actually buffed the story out to be longer than it intended, just to avoid drawing it. I even put a horse guy in there, I never draw horses because those ALSO have legs but they’re worse than dog legs. And, its not that i didn’t want to draw this part of the comic! But I didn’t think i could do it. It intimidated me. It still does, but, I’m gonna do it already. I know chapters 8-10 will be hard too but like…eh… I know in my heart its gonna really be about 7 for me. It always has been about 7 to me.. 2024 will be a big year for my comics for sure, just because of that alone I think. Not only will I have chapter 16 done, as the first step of the 2nd arc and a new adventure of my apocalyptic wormy drama, I’ll be facing my fears of the dog variety. Its TIME. 

I’m so happy people have stuck around for my work, or shared it with others, even if they’re a strange mess. Its interesting to see, who comes and goes. I still enjoy refreshing my comments every morning when I wake up, and right before I go to bed. Its comforting.

My closing thoughts on this. I don’t HATE the ending of FFAK. I… like it! Its an ending. But I LOVE the ending to NRD. i think that ones legit good, i hope. With FFAK, part of me kinda hopes that turning up the pressure on myself of proceeding anyway will help the story. I don’t really know, or expect the ending to change though LOL…. Maybe i’ll come up with something better, but it will be too late so I cant do it or something, and then we can ALL write fanfics together of something else. Then sometimes I think about GUNNM and how the first ending was retconned but then last order was like? Basically the first ending again? I dont know actually, its hard to remember. THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BTW. Also the ending is not everyone dies, even though that ending is fun and tempting. I didn’t do it, because end of evangelion already exists and its got a great song to go along with it too. YES it is also tempting to have someone go “WELL That was A FEAST.. For a KING” as the like final line, but I.. it wont wont. I prommy i take the ending seriously.

The reason I wanted to write all this, with webcomics, I think in general too people are so scared about writing their big comics that take 328523895235 years and the ending being bad. I see so many webcomics just, kinda die before the finale.. Which I totally understand, But I just.. Wanna show everyone that its much better and much more satisfying to just write the ending even if its a fucking disaster LOL. Because ultimately, its a webcomic. I don’t even know how to spell but people read mine! And so.. If theres anything I feel like i can promise and deliver to the world of the internet/my readers, is this big fucking disaster mess.. But it will end someday! And I’ll miss it. I hope readers will too, when that day comes (?) in probably another… 10 years…. idk.... BUT UNTIL THEN.. I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of chapter 16!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Kosmic Dream

[moongothic]

Hey so also have Sir Crocodile brainrot and have recently reread Impel Down. This is probably nothing at all but it made me question the artistic choice made. Like we dont see Crocodiles full face until Luffy recognizes him. Before that tho he joins in on Jinbei & Ace's convo about Whitebeard and is shown to (non-)react to Boa Hancocks visit. But we only get his face in shadows or see the hook. Which. Why. Oda we know what he looks like and who the guy with the stitches on his face and the hook is. WHY OBSCURE HIM.

My friend, this is what we call a "cocktease"

Okay jokes aside, yes it was an artistic choise. More specifically, a storytelling technique Oda masterfully used to build up hype and excitement to Crocodile's eventual reveal and re-introduction into the story.

So thanks to Ms Goldenweek's cover story (which ran back during Water 7/Enies Lobby) we already knew Crocodile along with Daz, Bon-chan and Galdino had all been sent to Impel Down, when we also learned about Impel Down, Marineford and the Gates of Justice (+ the giant whirlpool between the three locations) to some extent. ((Now of course, if you were an anime-only then you would've had no idea about the former BW members being in Impel Down. And even if you had read the manga you still would've had to actually pay attention to the cover story and its lore, and not forgotten all about it))

So even before Luffy decides he's going to head to Impel Down to save Ace, we know Crocodile's going to be somewhere down there. The second Luffy arrives there, we are immidiately reminded of the fact when Domino mentions Crocodile taking the traditional "bath" new inmates take at the entrance. And as we descend deeper and deeper into Impel Down, with those cuts to what's happening down at Level 6 every now and then, as well as with the Baroque Works Countdown, Oda time and time again keeps on reminding of us of Crocodile's looming presence in the background. This is all absolutely deliberate. Crocodile was arguably the most iconic (maybe not most popular but iconic) One Piece villian at the time, if given an opportunity of course the readers wanted to see him again. But just letting us see him right away would be anti-climactic, and distracting from what's actually important (Ace, and Luffy getting to him as fast as possible). So keeping him hidden could serve multiple purposes:

For one, Crocodile doesn't get to steal the spotlight from the other characters (at least not too early). We can focus on Luffy, Ace, all the new Impel Down characters and the other returning characters in peace, while Crocodile waits for his turn. Another thing is that Crocodile's presence being downplayed gives off the impression that perhaps him being there isn't that important to the story. Thus, him teaming up with Luffy to break out isn't such an obvious twist (and so when that happens, it's ever more hype as a result)

But indeed, the most important part is that by teasing us constantly through out Impel Down, Oda creates hype. He makes us the readers excited if/when we might get to see the bastard, even if it was just a quick little cameo. So when Luffy finally reaches Level 6 and we finally do get that reveal, everyone loses their fucking marbles over the HISASHIBURI DANA MUGIWARA when we finally get to see The Motherfucker Himself. (And indeed, then getting to see him fight alongside Luffy is cool as fucking hell, completely unexpected and absolutely delightful)

But there's also another thing building up to Crocodile's reveal does. Compare his original introduction to the re-introduction

Compare Crocodile at the height of his power and influence, to the absolute rock bottom he has hit. No longer happily laughing while looking down on people (literally), he's filthy, he has given up on life, with sunken eyes and a hollow look on his face, only moved by a thirst for petty revenge (/an opportunity to go out with a bang). He doesn't even get the whole page for his grand reveal anymore, he's been shuffled to the side so the plot can progress on the same page.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

And to some degree, this is kind of meant to be a shocking realization to the readers. That this is not the same Crocodile we remember from Alabasta, that Crocodile died when Luffy defeated him. This is just the husk that remains, a shadow of what was once there. It's a sad sight, and probably not what the readers who loved Crocodile The Villian wanted to see. It's not the epic Return of the (Evil) King they wanted. And that juxtaposition helps, because Crocodile doesn't return into the story as a villian, but as a frenemy/ally-on-thin-ice. And that idea is easier to signal to the readers in a lowkey manner when you do his re-introduction like this.

So yes, Oda refusing to show Crocodile's face until Luffy found him was 100% a deliberate artistic choise. This is fantastic storytelling

[lemonandlime22]

Could I request mammon with a reader who has extreme anxiety? Tooth rotting Fluff please!

Mammon with an Mc that has extreme anxiety

Warning(s): cussing,

A/N: gosh mammon is adorable! ty for requesting, i hope you like it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mammon

He's the type of person to panic the first time he sees you having an anxiety attack

he wants to help you as best he can but in all honestly he was kinda making it a bit worse

but don't worry he gets better over time.

The first few times he's panicking, running around, and asking you a bunch of questions about what you need

idk about anyone else but that personally sounds like an absolute nightmare

it might have gotten worse but he eventually got you to calm down.

Once he gets a hang of it tho he's a fuckin pro!

he knows almost exactly what you need

goddamn wizard

most of the time he'll give you some water and sit down with you, with you leaning your head on his shoulder and him leaning his on yours

and sometimes he'll cuddle you unit you fall asleep,

and if you don't want to be physically touched that's perfectly fine, he will make sure to find the best way to comfort you without that

if you want him to leave, he will begrudgingly do that, though he will probably end up pacing in his room cause of how worried he is about you.

He doesn't just do this right when you're having an anxiety attack,

he's also grown to notice the little and subtle things you do when your anxiety is acting up and he'll start doing those things.

If your in need of reassurance,

fuck he's got that to-

man has a full 1500+ page essay and 50 slide powerpoint ready to go before you even say anything.

If he can, he will do his best to get the source of your anxiety to fuck off

if it's school work, he'll convince you to take a break and/or help you finish it

if it's work, he'll get you to take a few days off or maybe even go into work for you

if it's a person, he will gladly take care of them,

no I do not mean he'll kill them.

If you take any meds then he will make sure you take them, he has an alarm set on his DDD specifically to remind him to ask if you took your meds

he may come across as annoying or overbearing but he does truly care about you and wants to make sure you're as safe and happy as you possibly can be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[atopvisenyashill]

they dragged peter dinklage for saying that fans were upset about the ending bc their favorite characters didn't win but he is 100% right 😭 the last two seasons are almost entirely about dany, even jon's parentage reveal is about her! her death is unsatisfactory but most people were expecting a happy ending with her or jon in the throne bc the general public doesn't really care about good writing

yeah i think the problem the ending gets soooo bad is because d&d were simply over it, im not saying they’re good at their jobs but i AM saying when they’re trying to put out a good project they put out something okay. there are some wonky adaptational changes right off the bat but overall s1 is p solid as a story. i started getting frustrated by like s3 but my grandpa, The Ultimate Casual Stan, was really grooving for a long ass while there because they were still trying in 4-6, even tho it was just getting abysmal. But by the end of 6, i think those two wanted to move on & instead of handing it over to someone who still had the energy to go another 5-6 seasons, they wanted the show to die with them & started pitching like 6 total more hours of story time for like SIX THOUSAND PAGES OF STORY. Narrowing it down in scope soooooooooo much means you have to choose one, MAYBE two or three people u want to focus on and FUCK the rest. but NOT ONLY did they narrow the scope severely, they also just started like, phoning it in. the weaker casting choices really started to stand out (🤷🏻) and they were not dedicated to adapting the story so much as getting it over with. the moment the refused to hand it over is the moment we were fucked. and even the casuals started going “this seems not as good as last season.”

so YEAH i do in fact think a lot of criticism is “my fave didn’t win” but it’s also like, did ANYONE’S fave win?? i think we ALL got fucked, personally, unless you were a huge bronn stan. but ALSO i DO think the general audience started expecting a happier ending. i think that’s a failure on the part d&d. casuals on the whole react very divided about bittersweet/bitter endings. imo earlier in the series’ life, a lot of casuals would have accepted a bittersweet ending - look at the excitement over ned’s execution, the red wedding, oberyn’s death, they LOVED to be shocked into a character trying and failing. if you’re good enough, you can lead the bulk of your audience by the hand to accepting a sad ending. d&d, by the end, were not good enough at this and that’s why no one likes it.

however this is not me shittalking peter dinklage, he is a PROFESSIONAL and i think once the scripts started to DIP he saw the writing on the wall of “this ending is going to make people so fucking mad” and he started dissociating in press. and he’s valid, who doesn’t see a shitshow at work coming and just dip emotionally?

[rmorde]

Trigun Manga Reaction

Now reading Volume 1 Chapters 7!

Oh. Nice foreshortening!

Have I mentioned before that the art in the manga is amazing? I mean not only is it pretty but the techniques and the visual storytelling!

This manga really spoils me rotten with beautiful double spreads.

Was Trigun a weekly manga or a monthly comic in the 90's? Like, how is this level of quality maintained every chapter?!

This sweet apologetic smile. Baby Girl Vash. SOMEONE PLEASE PROTECT HIM!!!

I love this part because of how the "tech" looks. Maybe I'm just high on nostalgia but if you ask me, the best and most creative visual takes of futuristic technology are from the 90's. OK... 70s to 80's too. BUT 90'S ARE THE BEST!

LMAO! I remember this! Vash loves teasing his enemies with cheeky notes, doesn't he?

Dime novels??? Penny dreadfuls?? Gasp! HARLEQUINS?!!

DOES THE SETTING OF TRIGUN HAVE AN EQUIVALENT OF HARLEQUINS?! IF SO, I'D BE SO HAPPY BECAUSE I HAVE THIS HC ABOUT WOLFWOOD'S FASHION CHOICE BEING CONNECTED TO THOSE RAUNCHY CHEAP ROMANCE NOVELS!!!

Also, another amazing nightmare face! But then...

WHIPLASH! Vash adding levity by hyping himself up. Tho more likely, he is telling the truth. Not that anyone would really believe it with the facade he puts up.

Oh, wait. I only notice this just now. The Vash's glove design in the manga is what was used in in Tristamp. Only three fingers are covered. In '98, it was all of his fingers are concealed by the glove.

AH! I REMEMBER THIS! ESPECIALLY HOW IT ENDS! I'm laughing already. Kaite... is not the best navigator.

Ah Classic Vash. Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.

Oh... This scene. It's kinda scary how catching Vash off guard is deadly for his attacker. Really highlights how much he has to control all himself all the time. Killing is too easy for him with his abilities. So, he has to exercise strict disciple and caution for the sake of others all the time.

This is also sad. A kid telling off an adult for not wanting to kill. It really hammers down how awful their world is - that killing is the norm and logical thing to do. Avoiding violence and killing is seen as stupidity.

This page makes my heart hurt for so many reasons. Vash is suffering physical pain from being shot. However, I think what is more devastating is his ideals being questioned and insulted by a child - someone who should be innocent from the concept of taking lives.

Vash was hurt by what Kaite said. But, I think he also understands why he did it too. It was out of both worry and the unfortunate circumstance of their violent word. Hence, his intense glare at the top of the page then softening into a sheepish look at the bottom.

Oh wow. Another beautiful art and amazing composition and...

Rem just has strong presence in the manga, doesn't she? It's something that was in Tristamp but kind of lessened in '98.

Oh... I wish this had not been cut out from '98. I don't think this can be rehashed in Tristamp, can't it? Damn... it deserves to be animated.

Kudos for '98 in doing a great job animating this page.

Boo for not doing justice for this page, '98! WHAT THE HELL?! Why was Rem not featured a lot in '98?! At least, Tristamp made up for it... BUT I LIKE REM'S LONG HAIR DESIGN BETTER!

HAHAHAHAHA!

AH.... Ah? AHHHH?!

Fuck! I forgot. This was not supposed to be funny?! Why did I remember this scene is funny?!

Also:

@poofyphluff 

I read about the filler thing. Didn't expect it to be that much. And yeah, I'm really admiring Nightow's skills with scaling in his art. It really enhances his visual story telling.

@revenantghost

It is slowly dawning on me the differences between '98 and the manga PLUS the similarities between Tristamp and manga.

I guess my memory is not as accurate as I believe. I thought the OOC-ness from '98 is not that much yet. I thought Vash being a horndoggy perv is just a Badlands thing. It's really nice that it is nowhere here in the manga tho and Tristamp.

It begs the question tho, why make Vash like that in '98?

Oh. So Wolfwood's situation and I guess the '98 ending is similar to what happened with the first Fullmetal Alchemist anime? The studio was forced to do an AOE.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Feel better soon.

[steamyearlgray]

How I bound my fic

Disclaimer. I watched like three you tube videos (one of which is here) and this is like my fourth or fifth time that I've bound anything. I don't think I'm doing things correctly and in those steps I will be pointing that out.

This is going to be long so I'm going to tuck the rest under the cut.

Formatting your text block.

I spent so long working on my text block(s). It got easier with each one I did. I work in MS office.

My page size is set to 8.5" by 5.5" because that is half the size of a standard piece of printer paper. I put the margins on the smallest possible because the site I use to organize the pages into signatures tends to add a bit of a margin.

I use this to make my signatures. I got this original link from a reddit post about book binding. (I thought I had a link to it but I can't seem to find it.) I tend to have my signatures made with 16 pages, which is 4 sheets of paper. You'll need to make an account (it's free) and make a copy of this project to add your own pdfs to. It automatically puts them in order and the pages on the same sheet of paper.

You'll want to print your pages double sided. I use the base setting for my printer (because when I fucked with it they came out wrong) so you might want to test print a signature before making your printer run a full copy.

"I have all my pages printed. Now what?"

Folding, punching, and sewing your text block.

It's exactly what it sounds like. Fold all of your signatures. I like to use the back of a sharpie to get a nice crease on the spine edge (and to save my fingers the pain).

I use this handy guide and the awl that came with it now, but the process can be completed by making a guide on a piece of paper and punching holes with a thumbtack or straight pin.

Once that's done it's time to sew. I have no clue what the stitch I use is called. I just made it up as I went along and it turned out pretty.

the edge stitches (after coming back to the edge of the spine) get slipped between the last two signatures. I think this is a French stitch? no clue. Then the short ones loop back through the last stitch once while the long ones go through the last twice. makes a pretty ladder. (did I mention I know basically nothing about binding or how to make text instructions?)

Glue is your friend. Not your enemy.

SO this first picture is everything I use to case in my text block.

Use a thin line of glue to attach your end pages. I have to cut mine down to the correct size and I use a small paper cutter because I can't cut a straight line to save my life.

Then basically smoosh your text block under some heavy books or put it a book press. Paint the spine with a lot of glue. like multiple coats.

Go ahead and add your headband and a ribbon if you want a bookmark built in.

(also most people use a cloth on the spine but I keep forgetting to buy that so I use scraps from my end papers to cover the spine. I know this isn't the correct way but it's worked out somewhat okay for me.)

I'm glad I didn't fuck up with a box cutter.

So I've got some shitty math scribbled on a piece of paper for you guys.

you want to add 1/4 of an inch (or 6mm) to the length of your cover board. (5 1/2 x 8 1/2 inches becomes 5 1/2 x 8 3/4 inches).

The spine is the width of spine + 1 board. I use a chip board that was sold near the cricuts in Michael's currently but I have used card board in the past.

Trace measurements, cut. I precut with my paper cutter then go the rest of the way with my box cutter.

Space hinges.

I use a little hinge spacer I found on amazon. People 3d print them too and sell them on etsy or you can cut another piece of chipboard for this.

my hinges are 5mm and honestly... I'd probably go bigger if I could. I'm just too lazy and want to work with what I've got.

Biggest tip. Use painter's tape to test fit your hinges. I fucked up tho and used an automotive painters tape and it wouldn't come off.

Gluing everything together.

I wrap my cover boards in a card stock and use book cloth on the spine. I prefer this look and it comes out pretty good all things considered.

Highly recommend watching a professional doing this on you tube rather than me trying to type instructions.

Glue it together and let it sit under all of your books/in your press for a while.

If you want to see how the hellmark book turned out check out my other post here. This is it with the dust jacket I made (with my lovely friend Lily) for it.

If anyone has any questions feel free to hit me up. I might not have the best answers but I will try my hardest to point you in the right direction.

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 3 Match 3

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

VERSUS

Mansion Basement - Resident Evil Director's Cut

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Mansion Basement:

"this song fucking sucks. i love it."

"[Mansion Basement] is literally what letting my cat walk over my keyboard set on some particularly bad trumpet sample feels like. Spectacular"

"#This is so funny #Who made mansion basement?? #It's so sad!! #And pathetic!!"

"#whaat the fuuuck is up with [Mansion Basement]"

"#like NOTHING can compare to mansion basement #what the FUCK"

"#the mansion basement made me cry #ithink i know who the winner here is #🎺🔥🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥"

"#[Mansion Basement] THO HEEEELP.??? BABY ON FL STUDIO TRYING TO PLAY MARIO UNDERGROUND THEME...."

"#resident evil is a joke song for clowns"

"#I'M NOT LISTENING TO THE OTHER ONE I KNOW FOR A FACT IT'S MANSION BASEMENT #THE STORY BEHIND IT IS WILD TOO SO THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC WIN BABBBEEEYYY" (pollrunner's note if anyone knows what the story is please tell me i am dying to hear about it)

"#i saw the title of this post and literally IMMEDIATELY thought of mansion basement #felt emotionally validated when i saw it was an option #i love that song #in the worst way #like a drunk zombie looking for its keys in an orchestra"

"#im fucking obsessed with mansion basement. sweep"

"#what the hell that is not a real resident evil song #did they really just make that and put it in the game #what"

"#I ACTUALLY LIKE THE BASEMENT SONG because it perfectly captions how like- #the sneaky suspicion of getting diharrea feels"

"#fart basement ofc"

"#Mansion basement is objectively the funniest song ever"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

[blossoms-phan]

hi friends! since it’s been 3 months I thought I’d do a little updated about me :p

you can call me blossoms! 🌸 comes from the url obviously which I decided on in seconds when sitting in the middle of my bed making this blog at 3am bc I love dan and phil and cherry blossoms/japan/japhan etc etc

(as a side note I don’t share a lot of personally identifying info on here for a lot of reasons, don’t wanna be found out + professional reasons and tumblr is a great platform for having being a phannie as my main identity but I will occasionally overshare in the tags or random posts. for the most vague details I’m canadian and a poc ig? if you want to be friends or discuss anything in more detail im happy to share in dms just not in the general void lol)

some past fandoms I’ve been a part of tumblr or otherwise: avengers/marvel (this was in the peak in like 2016 and I followed it probably up until 2020 but dgaf anymore soz), marvel’s daredevil (their best show still love it), one direction/harry styles (harry was prob my biggest interest/fandom I was heavily involved in until like 2022 ish, i followed a bunch of accounts on my other blog and fan pages, went to his first solo tour in 2018, basically followed his every move- ik he’s not some underground artist but I lost interest when he kinda boomed and became SUPER popular I miss the early days of his solo era lol but still like his music), criminal minds, I think those are the main ones obv I lurk anytime I have a special interest lol

artists I like: twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, the 1975, hozier, frank ocean, bad suns, muse, sufjan stevens, lana del rey, wallows, ed sheeran, lorde, zayn/hs/niall horan, paramore, the smiths, 5sos, kendrick lamar, fka twigs, fleetwood mac (this is off the top of my head just main ones ig there’s lots of other artists with specific songs I like and I also listen to my playlists from middle school often with p!atd and fob just the older stuff tho)

fave tv: derry girls, criminal minds, the office, gilmore girls, brooklyn 99, community, freaks and geeks, gossip girl, new girl, the end of the fucking world (short but a personal fave), fleabag, mindhunter- I like basic nbc sitcoms ok what can I say but currently watching Buffy and there’s lots of things on my watchlist like twin peaks I just never have time (aka always watching YouTube/dnp)

i like to think of myself as a cinephile when I really don’t watch as many movies as I’d like to bc of the same reasons listed above but I keep up with what’s happening in the film world and yeah some of my faves include: little women, sing street, before sunrise, aftersun, clueless, call me by your name, the perks of being a wallflower, big hero 6, la la land, zodiac, the social network, scream, the batman, bones and all, knives out, hp/twilight series

random interests: the scream franchise/saw/horror, until dawn (the game), youtube video essays, true crime content/criminology (in the most respectful way I promise I studied it and mean like actual data and researched podcasts not the weirdos that idolize certain people cough cough), perfumes/cosmetics, art, fashion, baking/food in gen, journaling, pinterest, reading (literary fiction/mystery/some ya)

idk what you were expecting this is literally all media but we’re all media consumers here lmao and I thought this might be a fun way to connect with other phannies if we share similar interests outside of dnp :3

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

FINALLY, ive finished 25% of exile, the second book in the kotlc series. here are some thoughts i had :)

tags: @aylin-hijabi, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @tastetherainbow290, @nerdy-girl3791 (im tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in my notes for book one, but lmk if you wanna be tagged too / dont wanna be tagged anymore)

first off, why are second books in a series always the ones that take the most time / are harder to start? ig it could be that we've already established the worldbuilding n main characters, but its still that dragging stage between *where you already know mostly everything in the universe* and *where the climax builds up in anticipation of the "final battle" or the beginning of the third act, usually*. nothing to do w the book itself, just an observation

second off, alicorns are so much more important than being just "another species to save", im sure of it. theres wayyy too much of the council getting involved n talk abt how alicorns are sooo important. to anyone whos read percy jackson it kinda reminds me of the ophiortaurus (bessie) from sea of monsters, who seemed to be a recurring animal side character who turned out to have a lot of significance to the very universe they were in. im expecting smth similar, why else would everyone go to such lengths to ensure alicorns dont go extinct? or maybe im overthinking it lmao but what gives it away is the heckses literally tryna kidnap silveny-

speaking of the heckses, who the fuck tries to steal an alicorn. stinas parents are the whiniest bitches ive ever seen, and im a fifteen year old girl. like cmon ive seen some drama queens over the years, but those two- also, fucking stina. i mentioned before that i hope to see some character development w her, so shes not just the boring one-dimensional mean girl thats prevalent in literally every piece of media thats come out since mean girls w regina george. clearly not yet, tho, but im waiting on it (if it does not happen i will be majorly disappointed)

also, delving into theories now. its kinda far-fetched, but, was brant w the black swan ? i mean, it would add up pretty decently. it would explain why his guilt for jolies death runs so deeply (since grady rlly rlly seems to believe that the black swan killed her) because he would be with the literal organization that killed her. it would also explain reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy well why he recognized sophie. the fact that he knew her was wayy too emphasized to mean nothing. idk JUST A THEORY, its not based off of anything other than it would fit nicely w everything else.

but also if grady is so adamant that it was the black swan, and (hypothetically) brant is w the black swan, then would it be improbable to assume that he killed her? which would explain the guilt even MORE. but then again, he does seem to love her, so that last part is added very tentatively. (maybe he killed her by accident... but then would the note to grady three days before her death just be a coincidence? im sure that has some deeper meaning.)

maybe it wasnt the black swan who sent those notes to grady...

to end on a funnier note: alicorn poop. sophie faceplanted into alicorn poop. it happens to all main characters, it always has to be someone walking in at the worst moment. i thought id be the vackers w keefe who show up n embarass her, but who better than the council to get humiliated in front of ? i dont hate sophie i just laugh at her pain

i think thats all for the 25% mark, im gonna keep reading today. im gonna go to my grandmas house so maybe i can get a couple hundred pages in !!!

[whchenlvr]

Hi! I saw that your request is open and you accept nsfw reqs so can I request how the casts would be in bed? It doesn’t matter who you do but if you could maybee the union members + ben and gerard?? Pretty pleasee I need content on them🤧

this was actually the idea that started my tumblr page but i was too shy to upload it 🤭 thankyoufortherequest

them in bed ;

nsfw!

weak hero x gn!reader

donald na

➤ he is absolutely the one in charge here, but i think donald wouldn’t mind sitting back and letting you attempt to lead every once in a while

➤ don’t be fooled! if he does let you take charge, he’ll flip you over or pull out when you’re about to climax to tease you and make you mad

➤ totally gets turned on by degrading you, and he’s very thankful that you’re into that, too. however, the second you both finish, he’s asking you how you feel and if he can get you anything

gray yeon

➤ this freak literally studies the female/male anatomy to please you RIGHT

➤ if he’s nervous he doesn’t let it show. he comes prepared and always makes sure you’re satisfied before taking care of himself

➤ THAT SAID, you love complimenting him and telling him how pretty he looks just to watch him get flustered and blush

jake ji

➤ i feel like jake would be a bit shy when it comes to initiating sexy moments, so you have to make it known that you’re horny by touching his thigh or staring at his lips

➤ jake needs to be touching you all the time. like he needs your hands on him, whether that be his face, chest, hands, or whatever. he just likes that that extra contact from you

➤ clingy king. if it wasn’t obvious from above, jake would just messily clean the both of you up so that he can snuggle with you ASAP. to jake, nothing is better than your cuddles

ben park

➤ i think he’d be surprisingly vanilla? i mean ben is definitely a dom, but he is such a soft dom IDC

➤ he doesn’t want to fuck you, he wants to make loveeeee like he struggles enough as the “leader” of eunjang, he likes to unwind with you and just be gentle and take care of you

➤ ben would like more of those intimate moments. like he would just look at you and admire your expressions as he rails into you <3

wolf keum

➤ rough is his middle name

➤ safe words are THE MOST important thing with him. he wants to hurt you but he doesn’t want to hurt you ygm??

➤ loves kissing the marks he’d made on you once you’re both finished and cleaned up. i personally think wolf would specialize in aftercare

gerard jin

➤ he loves gentle caresses. i think gerard would like it if you take charge and tell him what to do in the bedroom

➤ he LOVES words of affection. like he needs that praise and reassurance from you and you are more than willing to obey 

➤ likes to shower with you to clean off once you’re both done (plus round two??)

jimmy bae

➤ jimmy likes to play tough, but tbh i don’t think he’d mind getting dommed by you :) nothing too extreme tho

➤ i feel like jimmy wouldn’t mind you being on top (riding-wise). he enjoys it when you pull his hair or leave your nail marks on his back and shoulders

➤ lots of kisses as he helps you through your orgasm. holds you close to him until you’re ready to move and then will help clean you up 

[yutasbimil]

Frisky

kenma x fem!oc | haikyuu ff. (time-skip!older kenma) ✦ (3/~) [series fic] !!! also posted on my ao3 acc! { here } tags: fluff, slight angst (not really), smut cw: nsfw minors dni, minor plot, fingering, oral, teasing, established relationship, kinky, orgasm denial, quickie, public sex, fingering, edging, swallowing, exhibitionism(?) HELP THIS IS NEW TO ME ACK, interrupted lol, FLUFF!!! D; note: not that comfy w/ 2nd POV, tho no specific characteristics are mentioned on the fem!oc so pls feel free to imagine as y/n or YOU ♡ word count: 3.9k

part 1 | part 2

do not repost © yutasbimil (2022)

"She's as shy as you, huh?"

Kenma looked in the direction Hinata was looking at, and there he saw across the room, his girlfriend handling some of her daily dose of required socialization for the day. It looks like she's stammering over talking to some Karasuno players.

"She actually handles conversation better than I do, to be honest," Kenma responds, and at the back of his mind, he suppresses a grin.

If only he knew how she can be wild and explorative on other terms. Though, of course, he wouldn't actually let Hinata know that piece of information 'bout her girl.

Kenma kept a bashful smile to himself.

It's no surprise she got close with Kenma the most. She’s usually an anxious person. But the quietness and softness of the guy’s presence go beyond easing her nerves. Mai is scared of tall people, especially men. Though, she's got no problem with talking with her boyfriend’s best friends and her seniors.

It’s also child’s play to see a (preferred color)-haired fellow shaking in a sea of red and black and expect it to be Mai.

Three teams are scheduled to have a team play practice for the week. Though, the game sets are almost finished for the day, hence why it's cooling down at the moment.

Kenma felt a cold bottle by his forearm, turning to expect a gleeful orange-haired guy near him.

“No wonder she’s friends with your girlfriend,” Kenma muttered.

Hinata raised a brow, following Kenma’s line of vision, directing at Yachi and Mai. 

“Huh? She’s not my girlfriend.” Hinata says, keeping an eye on the girls. Hinata almost put a foot forward as the two girls flinched at some Shiratorizawa players, particularly the tall red-haired male with a big smirk on his face.

Mai also shared how that guy gives her the creeps. He can be quite unpredictable.

For a while, Hinata breathes out, followed by a grin as the other girl manages to answer the tall male. “Oh, so that’s your girlfriend, Kenma-san.”

“Don’t say ‘girlfriend’ too much.” he scratches the side of his face, flustered by the attention since earlier but nods. “Yes. I'll introduce her to you later.”

He walks out of the court, managing to divert the attention off his reddened ears.

-

Mai can be the bravest person he knows if it's about pushing herself to the edge or trying out new things. And Kenma knows he is one of the forces that influence her to do better outside her comfort zone, and vice versa.

It just so happens they are also on the same page in terms of sex.

It can be in terms of letting her lay on her back and testing her gag reflex through mouth-fucking her. Other specific situations would be doing the riskiest shits in-game, or while they're in a call with their friends. With Mai in between his legs as they're trying their best to conceal the fact that he's getting the best head whilst leading their game. Even stepping it up a notch further by doing it while they’re on their casual call in their Disharmony server.

Hell, Kenma also didn't know he had that in him and would be interested in those types of kinks.

Looks like he's been corrupted. Mai and her corruption kink winning.

Mai would be "mad" at that for blaming her. He already can hear her sassing him how: "You're kinky! I'm just bringing out your fullest potential."— As if she's the one who is responsible for that.

Well, if that's the case… I'll make her responsible.

Kenma felt a tent standing up by his gym shorts, much to his uncomfiness. Man, what an inconvenience.

And this is all just for letting his mind trail off to Mai.

It’s not anything related to her personally, or that they got any issues going on. But Mai noticed a slight distant or odd atmosphere between them, more so as they met eyes. Or rather, it passes through with Kenma immediately diverting his glances from her and looking away.

He seems to stifle something at the back of his throat, but she can’t quite pinpoint it. Kenma’s expression is hidden behind his hand on his face.

“You okay, Yachi-san?” Hinata picks up the last of the volleyballs on the ground. They’re about to wrap up the practice matches.

“J-just tired, I guess. I never had the chance to accommodate three teams in one gym.” she pried as she helps Mai with the other end of the net. Mai just quietly nods in agreement, there’s also an obvious tiredness in her dragging her feet.

Kenma feels a strong gaze towards him, it’s anything else but the anxious eyes that he saw from Mai earlier. It may be the effect he has on easing her but noticing a hint of depth and darkness on it. He can’t help but let a cold sweat slip off his head, swallowing a bit of saliva left from his dry throat.

The game sets parched him.

He glances back at her as if they’re dancing through glances. Hers didn’t seem to waver. It’s the same firm look as she’s not much anxious going down on him, even while streaming, she even manages to give him head despite the possible consequences. With him being quiet– She really admires how he can still play well and concentrate as if she isn’t there to distract him– though now, his quietness is not much at the advantage as maybe Mai thought they have a problem.

But this is not even about asserting a stand. Yet she still manages and knows she got him on the edge at the palm of her hands, quite literally.

Pulling him back into reality, was the dry towel hitting him and a look from Mai cold as the water handed to him, obviously a pout written on her lips.

I’ve got to tell her.

"Let's go change together." With no spare clothes at hand, it was more of an initiator from Kenma to tease Mai. He didn’t have any shame blurting that out as they were at a bit more secluded part of the courtyard. More on the supply closet behind the gym. But it still gave Mai a burning blush to hear that out loud from Kenma.

"Dummy, that's not allowed!" she smacks his shoulder, and the added skin contact didn’t help.

"So?" Kenma kept a stoic face just remaining his stare at her till she melted.

"Noooo! You're giving me ideas." Mai went in and covered her whole face. Is he darn serious just now?!

Of course, it was just to tease her, and it worked.

He stifled a laugh.

Mostly the reason he joked was to just initiate from the awkward atmosphere, but now that they have gone quiet again. Both of their mouths agape, as if racing to who can speak and tell each concern first.

They talked over each other at the same time.

“Mai.”

“Ken, I–”

The girl didn’t manage to finish laying out her thoughts as she was suddenly sneaked into the supply closet with him. With her back thumping lightly on the wall, the other spare balls even quiver as they hear people pass by the door.

As if panicked, she also held her breath as Kenma pinned her down in between his arms to stay put. It was only momentarily, though Mai had confusion outlined on her brows.

“Why did you need to hide us here though?”

Kenma’s silence also picked up on the unnecessary reaction. It just happened. His grip losing on her shoulders also signaled him to calm down. “Out of instinct, I guess.”

He could only answer, though, he was also thinking about where to treat her for later. What was he supposed to say again? The supply closet isn’t the most tasteful idea to come up as a ‘date’ with to be real. Kenma does have the same closeness and intimacy like this in mind though. 

His proximity and the quietness to the point she can hear his breathing distinctly on her end though... It didn’t help much further on her ‘overlooked issues’ as to why they were put to discuss in the first place.

“Off topic but want to make this quick?” Kenma asks out of the blue. It is not off-topic on what she had in mind though, but it seems that they’re not far in their in-the-gutter thoughts.

Even though it’s not well lit up in the small space, Kenma has his face close to hers, he must take precautions. He does have those types of thoughts in mind, but he has to make sure.

Lightening up the mood again, trying, he says. “Are you okay… making this quick? If I take the lead?”

“Eh?” Like lead in what way? Mai is thinking of something else, but she’s not absolutely sure. Mai rubs her legs. Is he joking again? 

But by his look, he's looking straight at her. Seriously, if I may add.

The unintentional friction she just did was a very bad idea, adding his deep stare at her.

Kenma inches closely to her carefully, checking if she's okay with it. There’s a shift in his tone as she’s still not budging nor getting any utterance out of her. 

“Are you still upset over something that has to do with your look the whole day?”

So that was what he meant by the quick pace in mind? Well, on his part, Kenma is considerate. He knows she wants to talk about something as well.

She places her fingers lightly by his shoulder, barely pressing weight. Is that how it came across to him? Oh no.

Mai shakes her head. “It's not that I'm mad or anything… no.”

She’s got her own issues as well, that’s all… Looking down, she saw how Kenma’s pants aren't much ready to spell out his problems yet, so Mai started. I am getting him worked out ever since earlier as well, is that it?

“I’m just… aroused.” She hopes at the back of her mind as well, he’s feeling the same by the bop of his Adam’s apple. 

Kenma blinks. “W-what?”

She rubs her legs once more, uncontrollably flustered.

“It’s just I saw how good you were– I mean, you’re always great as a setter– but I think it’s my hormones… it’s really been a while since I saw you guys play, an-and on how fired up you were earlier. I only see that whenever you’re playing against Shoyo’s team– I just found you hot.”

She barely got through, stumbling over her words on how fast she was sputtering her words.

He could only be rendered speechless by his girlfriend’s act.

All this time, it’s the same with Kenma. 

So… what the fuck? They were just looking sullen all day because they were preying and just have the hots for each other???

“Is t-that so?” His sigh of relief came off as a chuckle. Good. It was just a different kind of tension. Period.

She just prolonged it but it’s basically what got her so worked up. Especially how Kenma is so fixated on how she's acting right now. She could only swallow up a bit of her hydration left, looking away at anything but his body.

His tone is in a controlled volume, speaking discreetly, he repeats his intention earlier now that that’s settled, with more bluntness now... “Want me to do something about it?”

“I’m fine with the idea…” Mai answered with an inquisitive look. With her grip on his arms, he took it as a cue to dive in.

He didn't waste any time as Kenma leaned in, pressing his body close to hers. Quite intensely, it is seen with his fervor pressing how much he was containing it all day. A bit too quick on how he’s shifting his touches by her hair, face, and her sides. But she’s as roused, Mai went to grab his hand, guiding him to put it up her shirt, pulling his hair with her other free hand.

“Mai…” He delves deeper into nibbling her lips.

She could only emit a deep sigh and moan in response, Kenma’s hand was already up her shirt, lifting the fabric of her shirt up. Just a bit that her bra is showing. He leans closer, sweats peeking through the fabric, further verifying her heated arousal.

Kenma places kisses by the gaps of her chest, in between her breasts. She stifles a mewl. “Hnm..gah… you’re giving me a hard time not to be quiet.” She whispers to the best of her ability. He continues to lick her skin, nibbling at the bare skin. He draws her bra up to uncover her nipples, both quickly at peak due to the handling of his lips and fingers.

Even with his look alone, she can feel his erratic touches pressing against hers. He moves up eye-level again, pressing both her arms up, she gets conscious and nervous at both her sweaty hands. Kenma remains persistent, pressing her down. This definitely will cause her to pool down her panties further. 

He’s really going this far for a ‘quickie’ huh? Still keeping her arousal in mind, or is this one of his antics again? It’s painstakingly slow. Kenma knows this is too much risky and anxiety-inducing, yet… her wetness says otherwise.

Goddammit.

Her mind is hazy and clouded already– Mai no longer has any care for anything. She just wants to get this over with, this is beyond the waters that she expects to swim into, but the compulsive effect on her.

She wants more.

“J-just a bit, more…” Her moan spills as a restrained sigh. She practically begs as he’s touching anything, anything– but the gap between her legs. His hands lingered by the surface of her skirt. Mai hitches her breath as he skips over her core once again. “It’s been this morning that I wanted to touch myself, please? Kenma-kun…”

Man, he really did get her so aroused.

Kenma can’t even refuse especially since how she’s being too insistent and irresistible. He’s growing more turned on looking at how she’s desperate.

She’s not the type to want and be needy as she gets anxious, most definitely here where it’s a bit public. But to insist on making out in the open, the footsteps and shoe squeaks outside seem earshot close for their comfiness. It’s also thrilling.

Risky mode taken then.

Like a button that swiftly pressed on her skin, Mai lodging her lips passionately on his was the trigger that pushed them to go further. The hormones took over and blacked out a bit of Kenma’s control, grabbing hold of her waist a bit too lewdly on his torso. He humps his groin by hers, making her emit a sound unintentionally. 

“Uh-hmm…” he tries to quiet her down again with a kiss, reaching under her skirt but it didn’t add to helping her shush. Kenma pulls away with a slight grin at his discovery of her bare legs.

“Why are you not in your gym shorts, hmmm?”

She's only wearing her skirt.

Mai feels Kenma’s veiny hands creep up her skirt, he pulls it up as he is staring into her eyes with a fiery passion. She felt the cold air expose her bare skin.

Even with the shelves blocking them, it still feels… embarrassing.

“Stop teasing, Kenma…” He just touches her, a bit damp from the sweat.

He gets down, lowering himself to his knees to take in the view of her. She's flushed red, with his eyes piercing through her as he breathes over her crotch.

She feels herself pool more.

“I spilled water earlier when I was preparing bottles, just before we’re wrapping up. That’s why… hngh… I changed–”

Her breath becomes off, turning shaky with his roaming and pressing fingers against the hem of her panties. 

She gulps a breath.

“Always so clumsy of you, Mai,” he comments, now she’s wet for a whole entirely different reason. Both her legs gave up, her voice faltering after. “Haa…uh.”

She holds back a yelp, Kenma motions to stand her up again. “Stay still, Mai,” he instructs. But she almost buckles her legs as she had gone weak on his teasing.

Kenma licks her neck and bites her ear, making her let out a lewd mewl.

Almost like a purr by her ear, he whispers. “Keep quiet, Kitten.”

“H-how? You idio—”

Kenma suddenly touches her panties, sticky from her juices. She can no longer retort with how embarrassingly wet her pussy is already.

He cannot hold back any longer.

“Weren’t you also practically begging me to do this to you?” A thought also came into mind with Mai leaving traces and implications along the lines of ‘Kabedon’ for some time now, and her insistence to get one from him. He’s not one to disappoint, so okay, fine. Even if it’s not something on his alley. Kenma did the favor to make Mai’s dream come true.

He pins both of her hands harder, pressing them to the wall along with his face right up against her ear. Her mind burns with the idea.

Kenma continues by switching his grip on her hands with only one hand. He trails his finger by her swollen lips then lifting her chin using the other as he makes her look at her. “Answer me, Kitten.”

What the fuck is with the pet name?!

She swallows, having not been given a choice to escape. “Ye-yeah... but not in this setting.”

Not at this time at all that she imagines they’ll be doing this out and about. He’s practically falling apart as he is having a great time teasing her.

Both of her hands are locked, though loose enough to roam around his neck. She shudders at his hot breath near her sensitive ears. She doesn’t give in to freeing her hands, even as he’s pulling her closer into the kiss. She simply submits to Kenma. 

He adjusts her legs, carrying her till she’s got her legs wrapped up in his drenched torso.

This is really out of character for Kenma, but seeing how Mai is so hot and bothered he gives in along with his sigh. Even if he does want to go down on her.

“We better make this quick,” he says, Mai practically breaks character as she squeals in delight, to put it bluntly. “You’re the best, Kenma.” she hugs him, a bit tangent to her smiling as if they’re not about to do something intense.

She tightens her legs around him momentarily before he puts them away. He pulls her panties to the side and then decides to pull them down, leaving one side on her leg. 

She smiles to herself as she knows she would be well taken care of.

Her mind raced a thousand miles. As if honing to type paragraphs worth of worshiping his pretty long hands going in and out of her while his other is placed on her mouth to shut her pretty lips sealed.

Kenma quickly goes down, with her holding up her skirt as she tries to cover her whimpers.

He’s taking his good damn time eating her out, spreading his tongue by her clit and core back and forth. She holds back her arousal at how up to par he is slurping and sucking so loud.

Everything felt so soft and moist, it’s so fucking pleasing to the sensation. “Ahh, that’s-shit. Ha…” Her tone came off jittery. She wants to scream, but she needs to hold back every ounce of her patience, she's already trembling at this point.

Even the feeling of her breasts is phenomenal, how his free hand can bring her service, Kenma doesn't leave any neglect of any form. She cannot leave any praise for now as she’s opted to be quiet, even so, her mumbles are shaky to be coherent. Mai could only caress his skin, playing with his hair and gripping onto him as well to distract herself from moaning.

Mai fails miserably to be quiet so Kenma did the lovely favor with his pretty hands to cover her mouth and shut her up.

Using his lips as well as he pumps his finger into her, he thrusts in deeper along his fervent kiss, letting Mai taste herself in the kiss.

He moves his two digits all over in a different direction and speed, spilling more of her arousal tightening around him.

Just when Mai is about to cum, Kenma’s hand withdraws.

As he stopped his fingers, she winces. Mai turned to him with the most confused expression upon seeing Kenma's deadpan stare.

In the most serious tone, he says. “Your trial has expired.”

“Kozumeeee!” She almost whispered a hiss, Kenma covered her mouth, hand still drenched in her juices.

She is supposed to be mad, but Mai quickly catches on with another rustle nearby. They’re cut a bit short cause he also heard someone outside. When the sound subsided, the heightened sensation quickly shifted with Mai feeling his hardened length pushed into her in a cinch.

Kenma had prepared her wet core well as to why his movements easily let his dick go in and out of her. And the tightness in her is just unholy. 

“Fuck, shh-“ He also covered her mouth as sounds slip off uncontrollably. “Ah-mmhm.” 

The two especially Mai tried their best to muffle her moans.

The thrill of it all being outside— the possibility of getting caught—really did add factors for her part. Even the moist wall she grabbed hold of it, she loses all her senses as Kenma fucks her senseless to the wall. The sound of skin slapping and the feeling of him grabbing hold of both her waist to maneuver inside her. As much as she doesn’t want this to end, fuck- this is so risky.

Mai holds onto his wrist, tapping it a bit as a signal that she’s close— it’s not that much of a gap between them when Kenma let her go down to her knees to catch every ounce of his cum in her mouth as he ejaculates.

That was mentally exerting.

Another rustling outside became an indication to stop, but they laughed it off anyways, they quickly fixed their clothes. But Mai steals another kiss before breaking off. This is anything on her agenda for today. Kissing by the side of the gym, a supply closet even. Good thing she had her schedule free. It isn't such a bad idea after all…

Wait, oh right— wasn’t he supposed to say something else before they got wrapped up in the pleasure too much?

“What was it that you’re going to tell me?” she asks with burning cheeks. After a long-heated kiss, (the last kiss was a lie) for the last time as Mai insisted, lips still fresh on a string of saliva.

“Oh, it’s just I wanted to treat you along after training.” Kenma replies. He had been thinking the whole morning as to why he was also a bit preoccupied.

“We’ll also be there! Now, can you please hand me out some extra balls, Kozume? I didn't let yours turn blue— so get to it!” They heard a sudden thump by the door. Both of them flinched. Kenma covered her mouth, frantic as he looked back at her as wide-eyed as him. They hear Kuroo now adjacent to the wall as his voice is now louder. “How long are you going to keep yourselves in there?”

The two flushed a shade darker, their friend did the favor to pretend it was just Kenma in here and not blow their cover huh?

As for Kuroo, he’s heard at least more than enough that he should’ve left sooner.

※ my masterlist | #enjeiwrites ※

[gingeredmink]

what are your age hcs for tatsuki and soutarou? and misc hcs for urotsuki?

Gonna be blunt, head is a cluttered junkyard and I'm a rambler with zero self control when right conditions are met [you ask about Special Interests]. plus am tired and really out of it from work cause we had inventory and i ordered too many lunchables [oscar mayer can go to hell]. Will do best to make this coherent, or at least intelligible, but apologies if it's a bit of a mess.

Age Headcanons [If we're going for what they are in game]

Short answer: Soutarou is late 20s-early 30s, Tatsuki ranges between 15-18. [tho ofc when I draw shippy stuff it's an AU and they're both early 20s]

Long answer: Actually thought about this on and off a decent bit and could never really get more than a vague, "Somewhere around this area" for them.

Soutarou is somewhere between late 20s and early 30s. He's old enough to have experienced some shit, try to get clean and back on his feet and get some manual labor experience, and have that ripped from him. Plus some time to isolate and have those thoughts wreck havoc on his mental state.

Tatsuki on the other hand is messier and harder to really give an age to. They could be a kid escaping into fairy tales to avoid reality, or a young adult [18-20] that was forced to grow up too fast and is now suffering from dealing with their fractured identity [have thought about Debris endings occurring around Tats 18th birthday, because they have the "You're not a child, so why do you hold onto such stupid childish fantasies?" thoughts to go on top of everything else and it sorta just breaks them.]

Misc Uro Headcanons

Big Deep angsty Uro hc/kinda what shapes her core for me

You might've heard the quote, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that." by Robin Williams. This more or less summarizes my view of Urotsuki at the core. She may not be weighed down by what other dreamers have gone through, but she knows what it's like to be trapped in darkness and though it may not show, she is doing her best to make others happy because she doesn't want others to go through that. [side note: this is huge part of reason for shipping her with Tatsuki. Feel like they'd be the same, tho Tats is way more introverted. That angsty, "You see through the smiles or notice the little things and softly nudge me to say you understand and are there." sorta thing].

Going off that; for the longest time have hc'd that Uro has struggled with an ED and self image issues in the past and a big part of why she loves food and is okay with being herself, and is so supportive of others doing the same, is because she had to fight to get to where she is and is doing her best to make sure others can simply see the joy in life without experiencing the hell she went through.

More lighthearted/Uro's a goofball hcs

Uro is somewhat lactose intolerant but keeps getting sick because she won't. fucking. stop. eating cheese. Or questionable foods in general. "It smells alright so it's probably fine." [narrator voice: It wasn't fine] sorta things.

Probs mentioned this one before but eh, Uro and Sou are one of few dreamers with a drivers license, and Uro's driving doesn't exactly leave most passengers feeling safe so Sou is constantly stepping in when she offers people a ride. The two bicker at each other like an old couple a surprisingly good bit when eyes aren't on them. This paired with them both being older and able to get drunk makes for quite a scene. [Sabi's laughing, Tats is on the floor trying and failing to hide it.]

She did have a dedicated dream diary at some point, but during a depressive period would start to fill and decorate it with random stuff [silly doodles, poems, stickers , ect], and it's now more like a thought scrapbook or therapeutic outlet for her. Pages that are just her jotting down memories that make her happy have little sticky note bookmarks so she can flip through them when feeling down.

Her head is a mess and all over the place, and her counting sheep is like a ritual she semi-depends on to fall asleep since it gets her to focus on one thing and relax [its a sorta behavioral dependency that if she was somehow barred from doing, she'd probs stress out and not be able to sleep.]

Hope you enjoyed or were at least satisfied with rambling anon ◠⸜⸝◠~