#most of the time when they say ‘american accent’ it’s california

[j-esbian]

it is a bit sad to see how many usamericans have internalized the idea that we’re all the same and have no culture or accent diversity aside from “generic american” (manufactured for cable news) “southern” (incredibly diverse btw) and “new yorker”

turn off the tv and go outside

[warping-realities]

Alpha Scent 

Hank wasn’t exactly thrilled. When his uncle said there was a job opening for the young guy fresh off the farm in the big city, Hank figured it’d be in the accounting or admin side of his company. What he never expected was that his uncle would have him start working as just another grunt laborer. Like he was one of the many immigrants he hired every day for that kind of job, and not his sister’s eldest son. His dad had warned him that his brother-in-law was one of those liberals who’d rather hire foreigners than a true-blood American. Even though Hank was from a small city in Mississippi and wasn’t exactly allergic to hard work, he thought this would be his shot to start a career in the business world, maybe even inherit his uncle’s company someday.

The only reason he hadn’t packed up and headed back to the small town near Columbus was because he was still holding out hope. His uncle had been cold ever since he showed up, looking at Hank like he was some unwanted guest. Hank only found out why later: his mom’s brother was a big-time fag. That should’ve been enough for Hank to turn tail and head back home. He was freaked out just thinking about what his father would say if he knew Hank was living under the same roof as a sodomite. But he hadn’t driven all the way out to this liberal, left-wing pit that was California to quit that easily. He had threatened to spill the beans about his uncle to his mom, the pious and super-religious Hank grandma. Even though his uncle was living in sin in Los Angeles, he had the old lady fooled, pretending to be a righteous man. At first, his uncle was shocked, then cursed Hank out, but in the end, he gave in, knowing he had no way out.

“Alright, Hank, I’m gonna give you a job you don’t deserve, but first, I need you to do one last thing for one of my most important clients in Beverly Hills: Lee Yutao.”

“Never heard of him.”

“Yeah, someone like you wouldn’t know Mr. Lee. He’s a famous perfumer, used to work for top designer brands, now runs his own niche perfume company. The man is a total recluse, barely leaves his house. He spends all his free time taking care of the gardens at his various mansions around the world.”

“Sounds pretty gay.”

“Yeah, but this is one gay guy you don’t wanna mess with, especially if you wanna keep your job.”

So there Hank was, standing in front of Lee Yutao’s massive mansion on top of Beverly Hills, wondering how someone could end up with something that big just by mixing scents. Didn’t seem fair, especially since it was some damn Chinese guy, taking what he felt should be American land. He thought that to himself, ignoring the fact that his great-grandfather had come to America just over 80 years ago, fleeing a collapsing Germany during World War II.

As he walked up to the gate, a metallic voice spoke to him through a hidden intercom.

“You’re late,” said the voice, speaking perfect English, but with a slight accent Hank couldn’t place.

“I’m here, aren’t I? You gonna let me in or what?”

“Head to the garden near the pool. Your job today is to organize the stones by the rose garden. And under no circumstances are you to touch any of the flowers.”

“Yeah, as if I need more work than I already got…” Hank muttered.

“Did you say something?”

“Just point me in the right direction,” Hank replied, as the huge gate opened and he stepped onto the property, full of himself but completely unaware he was walking right into the jaws of something way dangerous than he imagined.

Following the metallic voice’s instructions, Hank made his way into the massive garden and got to work. He knew there were cameras hidden in the bushes, so he gave it his all, even though he was pissed. His performance here was crucial to his future plans.

By the afternoon, he was ahead of schedule, still fuming about being stuck there but careful not to touch the precious flowers. Not because he cared about what the client wanted, but because he suspected there was a limit to how much his uncle would tolerate before he snapped and spilled the beans about his lifestyle. That’s when something really weird happened. While taking a quick break, a breeze hit him, carrying a strange smell—nothing like the roses around him. It was a heavy, almost animalistic scent, something Hank had never smelled before.

“What the hell is that?” He said out loud, dropping the shovel but getting no response. The smell wasn’t just messing with his nose—it was throwing off all his other senses. He followed the scent to a particular bush. There, among the roses, was a flower that looked no different from the rest, except it was the source of that odd odor.

“What kind of sick joke is this?” Hank asked again, but if the metallic voice heard him, it chose to ignore him. Hank figured it didn’t matter—he had a job to finish, and he was getting out of there. But for some weird reason, his body was pushing him forward. Why was he doing something he was told not to do? Why did he grab the flower and bring his face close to it? The scent hit him like a truck, intoxicating and overwhelming. He quickly pulled back, feeling dizzy, but it didn’t help. The smell was on him—inside his nose, on his skin, all over him.

“I need to get this off me… I need to get it off…” he mumbled. That’s when the voice spoke again.

“I warned you not to touch them, but I understand. The temptation is real. If you want to get rid of my scent, follow the rose path to the pool.”

Dazed and confused, Hank didn’t even think about disobeying the voice. He staggered through the garden, now feeling like every flower was giving off that same smell, the smell that made him want to give in to pure, uncontrollable lust. It took everything he had not to stop right there and give in to his urges. After what felt like an eternity, he finally reached the pool, and without even thinking, he dove in. He thought the water would wash the smell—and the desire—away. But when he came up for air and stood, the smell was back.

“This can’t be…” Hank muttered, trying to splash water on his face, but it didn’t work. The metallic voice spoke again.

“Perfect! Full immersion guarantees the effect. Now, come to the main house. It’s time for us to have a more… in-depth conversation.”Hank, barely holding on, followed the voice’s instructions and made his way to the house.

Every step felt like a struggle as the desire still coursed through him. The house was huge and luxurious, decorated with such a refined taste that Hank, lost in confusion couldn’t even appreciate it. Each slow step down the hall felt like a personal torture.

“You’re almost there, boy,” the voice said. “Turn right at the end of the hall and enter the master suite.”

Hank stumbled toward a massive oil painting at the end of the hall, depicting an imposing Asian man, dressed like an ancient warrior with his chest exposed. This must’ve been the guy behind all of this, Hank thought—the owner of the mansion, Lee Yutao. Inside his clouded mind, Hank tried to feel anger toward the guy. But as another wave of that strange scent hit him, all the anger was swallowed up by an overwhelming urge. He wanted to be with that man. He needed to feel him, to touch him, to have him inside him…

Realizing what he was thinking, Hank’s last shred of self-awareness melted away, replaced by absolute terror. What the hell would he do when he met this man, who was presumably behind the big wooden door now opening in front of him?

To Hank's relief and disappointment, the gigantic room was empty. He stood in the doorway, waiting for further orders like a total doofus.

“Come on in, take a seat on the bed, and just chill. More instructions are coming up soon.”

The bed was actually this massive setup that could’ve filled an entire room in a regular-sized house. Hank plopped down right in the middle of it, his still-wet skin soaking the silky black sheets. In front of him was a TV monitor so huge it looked like a movie screen. As his lust-fogged brain struggled to figure out what was going on, the giant screen lit up in a kaleidoscope of vibrant colors. The constant swirl of colors made whatever little conscious thought Hank had left turn into mush. As drool dripped from the corner of his mouth and his eyes rolled back, a face emerged amidst the colorful chaos.

“Hey there, Hank. I can’t say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but the pleasure will come for both of us. But not before some… enhancements. Your uncle and I have history together, and what you tried to do to him is just unacceptable. That’s why I’m pretty comfortable with what’s about to happen. If everything goes smoothly and I have enough faith in my work to believe it’ll, we’ll have one less awful creature in the world and one more real human being.” The Asian guy with striking features could’ve been talking to the walls, Hank’s reaction was so minimal. Even though a part of him was screaming in despair in the back of his intoxicated mind, it wasn’t enough to pull him out of the stupor he was in.

“Since I was really young, I’ve been totally into all kinds of scents, mixing them up to create something unique and fresh. I traveled the world testing different fragrances and essences; my work got recognized, and fame followed. But I got so caught up in my relentless quest for the perfect scent that I pushed my personal life to the back burner, becoming more introverted and isolated. When I finally decided I’d had enough of being alone and wanted to find the right person, a long string of disappointments followed. The people I got involved with were mostly after my fame or my cash, and the few who were genuinely into me loved the public figure and not the real me. This made me shut myself off from society; it seemed like I’d never find anyone who could pull me out of my shell.

That’s when I had this idea: if I can create the perfect scent, then I can also create the perfect partner. I just needed a base to work from, and thanks to your nasty behavior towards your uncle, I got what I needed. Goodbye, Hank!”

“…impossible…” Hank managed to mumble before being hit by a wave of Yutao’s perfume and collapsing onto the comfy sheets of the giant bed, while the man’s voice recited words that his brain couldn’t consciously grasp but that worked to completely change who Hank Zimmer was.

“…it all started during the tests for the recording of my next perfume commercial…”

Hank felt something solid beneath him, way different from the soft mattress he had just sunk into. He felt way more alert than just moments ago. Opening his eyes, he found himself in another place; there were lights aimed at him, tons of them, along with a bunch of people milling around behind them. The taste of tobacco dominated his taste buds, and he felt both more compact and heavier. He looked down and saw a muscular, tanned body that was definitely not his. What the hell is going on? he thought, but any attempt to verbalize something was blocked. Even though he was more awake, he had no control over his own body.

“Cut! Great job, Han! Awesome! I think you’re the perfect choice to be the face of Alpha Scent. But first, we need Mr. Lee’s approval. The final say is his.”

“Of course, I’m just really grateful for the opportunity.” Hank found himself responding in a smooth, melodic voice, even a bit delicate, while getting rid of the disgusting cigarette used in the recording. “When will I find out the result?”

“Oh, Mr. Lee himself will get in touch if you’re approved. He insists.”Hank was immersed in doubts, he didn't know what was happening, but just hearing Lee Yutao's name made him tremble.

The image dissolved, and Hank once again felt the softness of a mattress beneath him. He was lying on a bed that seemed way too small for his muscular, compact body. His fingers were typing away quickly on a smartphone.

“…I can definitely show you more… but there’s gonna be a price!” He typed with his hand without even thinking about it, then moved the phone and sent a provocative pic of his powerful exposed legs.

“Whoa, whoa, Mr. Zhang Hanqian, I thought the fact that I picked you to be the face of my masterpiece would be payment enough.” That was the response from who could only be Lee Yutao.

“I never mix business with pleasure, Mr. Lee; the price I’m asking for is different. Few have had the chance to see you in person, and to get all this here, the payment is a date.”The man sharing Hank's body tiped before sitting in the modest apartment room and sending a recorded video in front of the mirror to the man he was trying to seduce.

That was Hank's chance to see who he was sharing his consciousness with, and what he saw made him scream at the top of his lungs, even though no one could hear. Sitting in a comfy chair in front of the mirror, completely naked, was a young Asian man, whom he guessed was probably Chinese, with his knowledge about other races which was inversely proportional to the anger he felt towards immigrants. A rage that peaked in that moment, mixed with a giant despair. He was stuck in the body of a flamboyant man whore who was trying to seduce another man at that moment.

“Okay, boy, you had my curiosity, now you have my attention. I’m in the Amazon researching the aroma of priprioca for a new fragrance, I’ll be back in California at the end of the month. Be ready; you’ll need more than a sculpted body to turn my attention into real interest.”

Once again, Hank felt everything dissolve around him, only to find himself in a totally different place. This time, he was lying on a cushioned surface, wearing nothing but swim trunks, with the summer sun shining on his body while a cool breeze partially relieved the heat of the day. He was in some kind of resort, strangely empty except for his own figure. Unlike before, now he could feel the anxiety of that other guy, Han, as if the barrier between them was getting thinner. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something he had been waiting for was about to happen in the next few moments. That’s when Hank saw scared the guy from the gigantic painting in the mansion approaching, while Han, in turn, was enjoying the sight of the figure in front of him. He wanted to meet Yutao for his art, talent, and fortune, but now he was genuinely interested in the man before him, a dude with an impressive physique, walking with the confidence of someone who had the world at his feet.

“You got a tattoo,” Lee Yutao remarked, eyeing Han's bicep with a deep voice, but unlike what Han expected, there was a hint of insecurity in it.

“I’ve got more in hidden spots if you wanna see,” Han replied, reveling in the sight of one of the most powerful guys in the industry blushing, his confidence slipping away. That was unexpected; Lee Yutao had seemed way more assertive in their messages. But apparently, the teasing had the desired effect.

“How about we head up to my suite and you show me everything you can do… boy.” Yutao replied with more confidence, making Han smile with satisfaction while Hank was horrified at the prospect of what could happen.

He was still worried when everything dissolved and solidified around him again.

He was out of breath, heart racing, as if he’d just been hit hard, and yet a feeling of tired pleasure washed over him to the point where he couldn’t help but smile.

They were both Hank and Han experiencing this, and it freaked Hank out, causing his smile to fade, which didn’t go unnoticed by the person next to him.

“Han, babe, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Han replied, glancing at where Yutao was lying. “Your big cock just took my breath away.” He added, making them both laugh.

“Man, you say stuff that throws me off. Even after all these months, no matter how confident I think am, you totally disarm me.”

“I think you need someone to keep you on your toes.”

“Maybe…” Yutao replied as the room dissolved into smoke and Hank found himself in a different place again. He was in a luxurious bathroom, maybe in that same first resort; he had no way of knowing how much time had passed. The only thing he could make out was Han, once again holding the phone, recording a video for someone. Probably Yutao. Hank felt curious about where that conversation was headed.

“Miss me, babe? When am I gonna see you? It doesn’t make sense for you to keep sending me these gifts if you’re not here with me!” Han said with a teasing look.

Just then, a reply to the video came in. “I’ll send my private jet to pick you up right now! Talk to you in Phi Phi.” Han lit up with joy, and Hank, even reluctantly, shared the feeling as everything around him once again reshaped. What hit him first was the smell of the ocean, brought by the beach breeze while he feel the sand under his feet.

“I can’t believe you were too shy to go shirtless at the beach. What’s the point of having a hot body like that if you’re not gonna show it off?”

“I work on my body for me, Han, not to flaunt it for everyone else!”

“That doesn’t make any sense; nobody looks like that if they don’t wanna be admired!”

“Oh, I want to be admired, just not by everyone, only by the right guy!”

“Hmm, and what does it take to be the right guy, Mr. Lee?”

“I still don’t totally know, but I’d bet that you’re on the right track!”

“Can I know what I’m doing right then?”

“I can’t say for sure; I just feel like I can be myself with you…”

“Oh, it’s because I’m so disarming, huh?”

“Could be…”

“Great, then let’s disarm you a bit more!” Han said, grabbing Yutao's phone and opening Instagram.

“What are you doing, Han?”

“Babe, you can keep playing the tough guy, you can wear me out in bed, but you can’t post a single pic on Instagram? You know what you really need? Someone with initiative by your side!”

“And that would be you?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to be disarming? Well, I’m gonna be!” Han replied, sliding his sunglasses down his nose and striking a pose for a selfie.

“You look ridiculous!” Yutao said, laughing.

“Babe, when you’re as hot as we are, who cares? But it’s your call.” Han shot back, handing the phone back to the other guy. After a thoughtful pause, Yutao got into position and took his first Instagram pic, revealing his face behind the brand for the first time, next to the young model posing.

Hank didn’t try to intervene at any point, maybe because he finally accepted that he was just a passenger in this body. But deep down, the barrier between him and Han was slowly crumbling, and he felt what the other felt, something very different from what he was used to. Han was into Yutao, sure, in a physical way, which strangely didn’t bother Hank as much anymore. But the interest was more than just physical; initially, it was about the mysterious figure of the man, the power he exuded, and his wealth—things Hank could understand in his greedy mind. However, at some point, the interest shifted to the person himself, the shy man trying to play the dominant alpha who quickly fell for Han’s tricks, who could leave him speechless with just a few words, even if he later surrendered to pleasure.

Not knowing how to deal with those contradictions, he felt reality reshape around him.

He was sitting on a comfy couch, his own hand covering his eyes. Once again, with his chest and legs bare.

“Go ahead and look, Han, babe!” It was Yutao’s voice. And both Han and Hank felt a wave of happiness hit them at the sight of the ring the other man offered.

“Han, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You made me realize I don’t have to act like someone I’m not to get what I want. You push me out of my comfort zone, you challenge me with every word, you disarm me, and I love you for that and everything else. Will you marry me?���

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” Han and Hank said in unison, the barrier between them finally dissolving as in a luxurious mansion bedroom, lying on a gigantic bed, Hank’s restless body underwent the transformation his mind had already accepted.

It all started with a shrinking of a few inches, bringing him down from a respectable 6'1" to a more modest 5'7", while his sun-burned white skin picked up a naturally golden hue, accentuated by hours spent tanning by the pool completely nude. His facial features became more delicate, with characteristics that would forever define him as someone of Asian descent, while his blond hair turned a raven black. Time seemed to pause for a moment as the young man let out a sleepy sigh; then the real transformation began. His chest was replaced by a pair of well-defined muscles tits ready to be sucked by his lover. Below that, a well-toned abdomen formed, with eight bricks of pure meat. As his upper body developed a V-shape, his lower body also went through significant changes; enormous muscles formed in his calves and especially in his thighs, making it impossible for him to walk without the characteristic sway that only someone with tree-trunk-thick legs learns to master. Unlike the rest of his body, his feet became more delicate and smaller, with nails as well-groomed as a rich vain woman. But the feet weren’t the only thing shrinking; the massive member that was Hank’s pride shrank down to a modest size while his butts expanded, ready for ready to be pounded by Yutao's powerful thighs while his massive cock vigorously hit Han's prostate.

As Yutao’s plan unfolded, the man himself approached the bed he shared with his husband and partner for life.

“Where have you been, babe? I need you now!” Han said, making his voice heard for the first time in those walls, while Yutao felt the presence that had brought forth the perfect man for him, experiencing an afternoon of love that would just be the first of many to come. As Han surrendered to pleasure, so did Hank, the distinction between the two already nonexistent.

Hours later, in the next morning, the couple took advantage of their workout session in the professional gym they had at home to snap a selfie for social media.

After spending the whole session feeling a specific aroma mixed with his partner’s scent, Yutao couldn’t help but ask.

“Are you wearing Alpha Scent while working out?”

“I’m the face of the fragrance, babe; it’s my duty to wear it on any occasion.”

“I know, but you’re well aware that the version I have at home is the real deal. If someone who isn’t one of us smells it, I don’t know what the consequences could be.”

“Afraid someone else might show up and steal me away? That’s impossible, babe; I’m completely yours. But I really do wonder what would happen in that case…”

“Don’t get any wild ideas, Han…”

“I thought you were with me precisely just because of wild cideas.”

“I’m with you because I love you. But now you reminded me of something. We need some help with the house!”

“Hey, you know I don’t mind taking care of you and our home. I love being a devoted trophy boy.”

“Babe, you’re so much more than that, and even though you gave up your modeling career for me, you’ve made us one of the biggest digital influencer couples out there. So, as much as I love tending to the garden while you cook and take care of the house, we can’t do this without some help.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Let’s hire some people and find someone capable of managing our homes when you’re busy.”

“And who’s going to do that as well as I do?” Han asked playfully.

“Nobody, babe, nobody. But a friend of mine is gonna send his brother-in-law over in the next few days. The guy’s a complete waste of human meat, but he’s the perfect test subject for what the new version of Alpha can do. Now let’s snap that selfie already; I’m dying to enjoy our time together in the best way, fucking your ass!”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I'm watching a couple of Robert Newman specials for the first time, and I cannot believe it took me so long to get into him. I've known the name for ages, obviously, I know he was a hero and influence to many of my favourite comedians, a pillar of political comedy in his era. But I never actually watched his stuff until now.

I should have got into this much earlier, it's brilliant. Some of the most densely written comedy I've ever heard; I quickly learned that this is not a stand-up special where I can do anything else at the same time as listening to it. It needs my full attention, and even then, I find myself sometimes rewinding the video because I've struggled to keep track of everything he's saying. It's intricate, detailed, meticulously researched, and manages to remember to be consistently funny too.

This is the only thing I've ever seen that shows me where Andy Zaltzman got a bit of his style. Andy is so original and creative that it's hard to trace his influences because there's not much that's like him, but I can see a forerunner of his penchant for weaving political reality in with the political absurd, in this Robert Newman stuff. And Andy did, in 2004, cite Robert Newman as the second best thing he'd ever seen at the Edinburgh Fringe (the first best thing Andy Zaltzman had seen at the Fringe was a goal that he'd scored in an Edinburgh football match against Patrick Monahan).

Anyway, that stuff about Robert Newman is just background for what this post is actually about, which is: Can British people not say the "a" sound at the end of words? And by "a", I mean a sound that would be phonetically transcribed as "/ə/", as in the "a" at the beginning of the word "above". Or the end of "idea". Can British people not say that sound, or do they think that Americans don't say that sound?

I remember first noticing this when I was a kid, watching Flying Circus, and saw Monty Python's Film Producer sketch. Graham Chapman does an American accent, in which he does actually sound like an American - an exaggerated parody of an American, but he pronounces words the American way, rather than the British way. Except the word "idea", which he pronounces as "i-dee-er".

I remember that really stuck out to me when I saw it as a kid, because every word actually sounds American, but it sounded so weird when he said "idea". Because it was the British pronunciation - "i-dee-er" - but said in an American accent. It's like hearing the word "knackered" or "bloke" in an American accent - it just sound wrong.

I also remember learning from British novels as a kid, particularly Harry Potter, that in British English, the sound people make when hesitating is written down as "er" instead of "uh". I would write a character saying "uh", if I wanted to convey that they're stumbling over their words when trying to talk. But in Harry Potter, Harry would often say "er", when he couldn't think of what words to say. Which, I've realized, may be because what (North) Americans would hear as the "/ə/" sound, which can also be written as "uh" - British people hear/say that as "er". If it's the end of a word, that is - or in this case, the entire word. I don't think British people say "er-bove" instead of "uh-bove" when pronouncing "above".

Anyway, I thought of that again recently when I heard some of Stewart Lee's new material, where he does an American accent for a while. It's not a perfect American accent, and like in that Python sketch, it's exaggerated for comedic effect. But he mostly does sound like an American, except when he says the word "idea", and then it's really noticeably pronounced as "i-dee-er" - pronounced that way, but still said in an American accent, which is weird. I though I might be imagining it, or maybe I just hear that one word wrong, but then I heard him say "Califoni-er". Same thing - my brain got used to hearing words said the American way, because I was listening to him do his American accent, and then suddenly, there's "California" pronounced with the British "er" at the end.

So I've been watching this Robert Newman stuff, and it's great, but occasionally he does an American accent (usually when doing an impression of George Bush), and I've just heard him impersonate an American trying to distract from his country's crimes, by saying, "Look, there's North Kore-er." Again, it was jarring, because his accent sounded American right up to that word, and then suddenly, a British pronunciation. But in an American accent. So weird.

So here's my question: If someone learned English in a British accent, did they just not develop the ability to say the "/ə/" sound at the ends of words? The same way there are lots of sounds in other languages that I can't pronounce? (For the record I am awful at doing any British accent - except that I can sort of do Glasweigan but only for words that Jamie McDonald at some point said in The Thick of It/In the Loop because I copy him - so I'm not judging that as a bad thing. Anyone who can do both a British and American accent has a far wider range of pronunciation ability than I do.) Or are British people perfectly capable of pronouncing "idea" as "id-ee-uh" (the way an American would say it), but for some reason, they all believe that Americans say "i-dee-er", so that's what they do when they're putting on an American accent? Which is it?

[redstarnotebooks]

Dole-Disney partnership: The one time you want a mouse on your produce via The Produce News (2018)

Incredible look at the overlap of agricultural imperialism and cultural imperialism. If you've ever wondered why there are stickers for Frozen on your bananas, here's the explanation. "At 167 years old, Dole knows a thing or two about longevity as well. At the same time Mickey was being introduced to the world, 2,500 miles across the Pacific in Hawaii, James Drummond Dole was overseeing a 20,000-acre pineapple plantation that would grow into the world’s largest provider of fresh fruits and vegetables. In Honduras, a precursor to Dole’s Latin American operations, there were already hospitals and schools being opened for its thousands of employees growing bananas for a hungry world." Plantation bourgeoisie, fresh off their coup (Dole's cousin was actually a participant in the coup) "providing" fresh fruit and vegetables" from the 6th-largest Hawaiian island, personally owned by Dole, and now 98% owned by Larry Ellison.

The historiography is misleading -- Dole wasn't active in Honduras at the time -- and seems to be a reference to either Standard Fruit or United Fruit, both of which were incorporated into the same company as Dole.

"Dole first teamed up with Disney in 1976 when the produce giant become the sponsor of Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room at the Disneyland Resort and at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World — a sponsorship that continues in California and resulted in creation of the iconic Dole Whip now available at Disney Parks and Resorts worldwide."

This is why I sometimes joke about Canada having no culture. Not in the sense of being default or some kind of cultural norm (like saying someone has no accent), but in the sense that for most of America and Canada, the only culture that exists is a pairing of settler-colonialism with big business.

All our major holidays and celebrations are corporate, not just in their current forms but in their origins or development (think Christmas, Hallowe'en, Valentines Day, Thanksgiving etc.). All our cultural referents, especially in Canada, are either colonial figures or advertisements.

Obviously this is less true for Indigenous and Black people, and aspects of more recent immigrant cultures, but those are either precolonial, developed out of resistance to the hegemonic culture of the US and Canada, or carried here from places that actually have cultures.

This isn't a fully serious thesis, but like a little bit.

[mystargirl-interlude]

𝐀&𝐖

Track Two. American Whore. Pairing: Billy Hargrove X OC

word count: 806

part two:

Being put in the spotlight from an extremely young age ruins your life in the long run.

I was born and raised in Ryazan Russia and When I was four I saw those gorgeous girls on tv gliding across the ice doing jumps and twirls with an Olympic symbol in the back and that's when my love for ice skating started.

My first televised competition was when I was 13.

That adrenaline rush of winning a competition became addicting and I never gave up until I won. Winning is first place, everything else is losing.

watching teenage diary of a girl, wondering what went wrong

By the time I was 15 I had made a name for myself and broke numerous world records and was better than olympic gold medalists. But it all comes to an end when you have to move across the globe to live with your aunt because I needed an education but that isn't even the worst part, the worst part is that it wasn't New York or California it was a small town inside of Indiana where you wouldn't even know existed if it weren't for the street signs. I dont even think this would be any better for my education.

Thankfully I was already very fluent in English and French so I won't have any trouble there but apparently I wasn't the only new person here

As I arrive at the small house I take a look at my surroundings becoming aware of everything around me. Seeing little kids stare at me like they have never seen life outside of Hawkins. 

     Location: Hawkins high school. 

Driving up to the school was the most humiliating thing a human can experience, being one of the two new people in a small town where no doubtingly nothing happens so its no secret everyone is going to be in your business. The other new person is much more interesting than be so the attention wasn't on me for long. I look up hearing a loud engine getting closer and closer and seeing a gorgeous blue Camaro come into view. Now that is the most interesting that has happened in this town.

time skip

Finally I get to the office and am getting my name down when a man with dirty blonde hair and denim on denim walks in. Im not going to deny the fact that he was attractive but it was the fact that he knew he was and he was way too  confident. Thats why I kept my distance. I acknowledged his presence and went back to doing what I was doing.

Billy Hargrove:

Now I was new to this town. I didn't know anyone and I didn't need to. i'm from fucking California for fucks sake. Im not going to say moving to this small town didn't mean shit because it did but I was clearly the most modern person there, I mean ( chuckles). I had everyone here wrapped around my finger and I needed to do was to show up.

As  I walk into the office I see another girl in here clearly very different from everyone else around here. She didn't have goofy fried hair like everyone else; she had long and I mean long hair, it was red and not the ginger red, it was a true red color but obviously dyed. she had a slightly round face, she was thin but had a lot of muscle but not to the point where she looked bulky. But the thing that really got me was she barley even spared a second glance at me when I walked in.

And I'm standing over here wondering where this girl comes from because it clearly isn't from around here (Indiana). I Watched her as the front desk lady, I think her name was Betty or some stupid shit like that, it doesn't matter, checked her in. when she asked for her name thats when I really started listening, but was quickly caught off guard when I heard her heavy accent as she spoke, now very clearly not around here speaking about this country. Her name was Alexandra Trusova, it sounded familiar but I quickly brushed it off. As soon as she was finished and started getting her stuff together I started to fix my hair and adjust my jacket, getting ready to pull my usual lines on her. she started walking towards me and I knew I had this in the bag but as she got closer I could barley get out two words before she brushed past me giving me a dirty look like I just interrupted her day, And I'm standing here thinking to myself who the fuck does this girl think she is?

[hauntedjpegcollection]

IF I GO TO HELL, AT LEAST ALL MY FRIENDS WILL BE THERE

pinterest - writing - tag - matilda

BASICS

FULL NAME → Tanaka Daisuke/Elias

NICKNAME → Lark - almost exclusively goes by this

AGE RANGE → 20-30’s

BIRTHDAY → August 29th

SPECIES → Human

NATIONALITY → American

GENDER → Trans Male

ORIENTATION → Bisexual

OCCUPATIONS → Shadow PMC, Specialist, Extraction Unit (CoD Au), Lead singer (Band Au)

THREAT LEVEL → High

SPOKEN LANGUAGES → English (fluent), Japanese (fluent)

APPEARANCE

FACECLAIM → Kentaro Sakaguchi

EYE COLOR(S) → Brown

HAIR COLOR(S) → Black/Bleach Blond

DOMINANT HAND → Right

ACCENT → California, West Coast American

HEIGHT → 5’7’’

WEIGHT → 160/175 lbs

BODY → Very muscular. Lean with a runners build. Very low body fat, aesthetically pleasing washboard abs type of guy. Longer torso’d, well defined arms. Long, thin fingers. Sharper than most.

TATTOO(S) → A giant black centipede over his side, small hand tattoos.

PIERCING(S) → Ears, left nostril

GLASSES → No

SCARS → Has little scars all over his hands from knife practicing.

BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN → Oakland, California

FINANCIAL STATUS → Lower class (upper class in band au)

EDUCATION LEVEL → High school

RAP SHEET → Misdemeanors wiped at 18; breaking and entering, petty theft, auto theft

PRISON TIME → Two years in jail for arson, negotiated and released on five years probation to avoid federal prison.

RELATIONSHIPS

BIRTH ORDER → First

PARENTS → Tanaka Sadako (mother), Tanaka Minato (father)

SIBLINGS → Tanaka Akari (sister, second born)

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS → Matilda Rhoades (long term partner)

CHILDREN → None

ENEMIES → None

PETS → None

VICES

SMOKES → No

DRINKS → Socially

DRUGS → No

VIOLENCE → No

SELF DESTRUCTIVE → Moderate

PSYCHOLOGY

MENTAL → PTSD, Depression

PHYSICAL → No

ANGER EXPRESSION → Cold, unresponsive, avoids engaging. Can be explosive when certain buttons are pushed—prefers not to argue (he says anyway)

ALIGNMENT → Chaotic Neutral

PERSONALITY TRAITS → Dedicated, loving, loyal, quick witted, envious, complacent, uniform, aimless

MISC

SIN → Envy

ZODIAC → Aries

ELEMENT → Earth

SEX PREFERNCE → Dominant switch (leans dominant, enjoys being submissive with femmes)

ANIMAL → Black and white hawk eagle

MUTATION → Avian control

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, September 4th, 2024.

Do you know a James? I don't.

Have you ever been to Australia? If not, would you like to? I haven't. It's not somewhere I'm especially interested in visiting, but I wouldn't be opposed to it either if the right opportunity presented itself.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Yeah.

If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? Probably a Southern American accent. Idk, I just feel like it would fit my vibe.

New York or California? California. Mainly for the natural aspects.

Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I don't.

Who was your last text from? It was from my dad. A reply to my text letting him know that I was on the way home from the shelter yesterday evening.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? I've never used one before. I've only ever owned point-and-shoot cameras.

If you had to choose one instrument to perfect, what instrument would you choose? Guitar seems the most versatile, but perfecting the harp or violin would be pretty cool too.

Have you ever owned an Axolotl? I haven't.

What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? Maybe a couple of hours.

How often do you use Snapchat? Never.

What does your last text say? It's just a random key smash. It's kind of a joke between us at this point.

Have you ever played Habbo? I haven't.

What about Runescape? No.

Have you ever heard of the band Mumford & Sons? If yes, do you like their music? I've probably heard a song or two, and yeah, I think I'd enjoy them if I listened to them more.

Have you ever kissed anyone starting with the letter A, C, N, T or K? I've kissed an A, C, and N.

Have you ever used Valium before? No.

What time is it where you’re from? 7:49am. I'm trying to fit in (at least part of) a survey while I eat breakfast because after this I have to take a shower and get ready to go to therapy.

Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes. I've adopted four kitties from the animal shelter where I volunteer.

Where do you usually find Surveys from? The people I follow. I used to snag a lot of them from Bzoink, but that's not a thing anymore. :'(

Australia or New Zealand? I don't have enough of an interest in either place to have a preference.

Have you ever missed a flight? No.

What is your best friend’s middle name? Blah.

How do you feel about the passing of Aretha Franklin? I don't think I was even aware of it when it happened.

Did you enjoy any of her music? Again, I probably would if I gave it more of a listen.

What is your favourite film from your childhood? Watership Down. That movie traumatized me, but I was obsessed with it all the same…

Kanye West or Drake? Neither.

Do you know anyone who is named after a state? I don't.

What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? It was just a check-up.

Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? Not since I was a child/teen.

Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? I've had a few bad experiences with weed (mostly just feeling really dizzy and out of it), but as for a bad trip, no; my one and only shrooms trip was pretty amazing.

How often do you use Instagram? I update it every few days or so. Mostly with kitty pictures from the shelter.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yeah.

If so, do you still smoke? Yeah.

What are you up to tomorrow? Hopefully visiting the Mountain Park with my dad, and - if he's feeling up to it - perhaps a short hike.

What type of questions do you like being asked during a survey? I prefer questions about my day-to-day life because I use surveys as a form of journaling. Questions like "when was the last time you did X or felt Y, etc" are usually good as well. I'm not a huge fan of specific questions like "do you watch this show, listen to this band, etc."

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? No preference.

What is your favourite Ben Stiller movie? I think the only ones I've seen are Zoolander, Anchorman, and Meet The Parents. Can't say I have a favorite, though.

What is your favourite Spotify playlist if you have one? N/a.

Firefox or Chrome? I just use Microsoft Edge.

Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? I used to be obsessed with conspiracy theories (it was bad, lmao). I still enjoy them occasionally, but to a lesser (and far less gullible) extent.

If so, what is your favourite? These days, probably anything involving aliens/UFOs. Again, not in the sense that I believe them at face value, but the lore behind them - how they came about, who was involved, what's fact, what's fiction, etc. It's just such an interesting, convoluted web of deception and weirdness.

Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? Depends.

If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Abe Ortion. <- Lmao. I was just starting to think what an odd name that was, but then--!!

What is your favourite Netflix original series? I don't have one.

Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? Yeah.

Do you have a favourite “survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? Pretty much everyone I follow who updates often + gives somewhat detailed answers. If I regularly like your surveys, then you're one of those people. :')

Would you rather be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early? 20 minutes early. The thought of being late makes me anxious.

If you could be a member of any TV-Sitcom family, which would it be? No thanks.

Tell me about the 6th person in your contact list: N/a.

Are you waiting for a text back right now? No.

Would you rather be able to control fire or water? I guess water.

[light-lanterne]

ur mexican right? do u have an opinion on argyle's portrayal in the show?

hello ! you're unfortunately asking the wrong person, friend :( i could talk to you all you want about how unfair it is that argyle is given a grand total of 0% of backstory (he doesn't even have a last name), or how he's decidedly playing a stereotype (with the slight subversion of him being actually very smart emotionally and when it comes to finding solutions to their problems, but that gets treated as a joke nonetheless), or how he's treated more as a plot device than anything (the duffs needed a way to get the byers + mike out of california).

but that's as far as my insight goes :(

i do not live in the us. i was born and raised in mexico and have lived here my whole life and thus, my experience is inherently different from that of the people who lived in the us in the 80s (like argyle) and even today. i have no context of what it's like to live as a latin american individual in a country that inherently assumes you're there illegally. i do not know the mockery that would come from having a heavy accent or slipping into spanish terms and slang from time to time. i do not know what it's like to have others immediately assume you fit into the stereotypes argyle showcases. my experience with all of these factors is second handed and as such, i can't offer anything to the conversation that others haven't pointed out already (other than maybe offering a reminder that these are the things argyle would be going through in the background).

not only that, but i don't even look like argyle in the slightest so i can't relate to that either. i've been mocked, bullied and harassed my whole life for a variety of reasons (speech impediment, hearing impairment, queer, trans,,,) but never because of the colour of my skin; never for having specific facial features attributed to latin american people (even if my heritage is not too different from that of your average mexican). other than some random girl who used to call me a vampire in high school (which i obviously took as a compliment because vampires are cool), no one has really ever had anything to say about my appearance and while racism / xenophobia is not just about looks, it's the first thing icky people notice and focus on and, in my case, not something they would initially pick up on.

now, my brother does look a lot like argyle. he has a similar nose and eyes and his skin colour is almost the same (if not a shade or two darker) so maybe he'd have something to say about seeing himself represented on screen in such poor quality. but a) he doesn't watch stranger things so he's got nothing to say about any of that, and b) he's the type to not mind stereotypes or jokes made at our expense.

beyond a slight eyeroll at silly, exaggerated portrayals, he (and most of the people in my city, so it's almost a cultural thing) really has nothing to say about seeing aforementioned stereotypes on screen.

so uh, yeah. nothing to add to the conversation beyond a reminder to listen to people who can actually relate to argyle's experience (whatever it is, because we didn't see any of it x.x) because of his features and his experience living in the us as a latin american individual.

the one thing i can say that we can all agree on is that the duffs don't know how to write bipoc characters, particularly black people (who have onscreen been subjected to implicit and explicit racism and violence and gotten nothing as a result, not even acknowledgement let alone some form of catharsis or justice -_- ), and that argyle was an afterthought brought only into the show to have some comedic relief, move forward a few plot points, and pay homage to whatever 80s californian films the duffs grew up watching >.<

(which again, anyone could tell you so this whole word salad is technically for naught u.u figured i owed you a nuanced response, though, so here it is)

anyway, apologies that my answer is lackluster and doesn't bring up anything of substance to the current debates people are having about the show :( hope you have a great day or night ~

[spacefinch]

MSB rambles: Where is everybody from?

AKA: what parts of the US the kids and their families are from in my headcanons.

Phoebe: Since her last name (Terese, pronounced teh-REHS) is Scandinavian, I hc Phoebe and her family as Minnesotan. (Minnesota has a sizable Scandinavian population.) I also think she has some Celtic (mostly Scottish, but some Irish) ancestry. Also: she canonically has an uncle from Australia, so make of that what you will.

Carlos: I see him and his family being from California, specifically the southern region. (Or he at least has relatives there). Also: California (my home state) has a lot of Latin-American people. It definitely works. Furthermore, he seems the most likely to call his friends "dude" regardless of gender.

Ralphie: I like the idea of him being from the Pacific Northwest-- most likely Oregon. I don't know why. Ironically, his favorite baseball team is the Boston Red Sox and not one of the local Oregonian teams.

Wanda: I don't know exactly what state, but probably somewhere warm, since she herself says she hates cold weather. Perhaps she's from California, just like Carlos.

Arnold: I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what state I think he's from. If any of you have any headcanons, let me know. But I think him being Midwestern fits. Probably from a place that's good for rock-hunting.

Tim: Northeast maybe? I require more headcanons.

Keesha: Again, more headcanons needed. But I'm leaning towards Midwestern or Southeastern. Like Ralphie, her favorite baseball team (which is the New York Yankees) is not from her home state.

Dorothy Ann: Her family is A) from Georgia, and B) huge. There are also quite a few other Dorothys in the family, which is why D.A. goes by her first and middle name. The semi-British accent she uses sometimes was developed over years of watching BBC nature documentaries. Everyone else in the Hudson family has a Southern accent.

Ms. Frizzle: Nobody knows. Personally, I think she's a Time Lady.

Side note: I like @drogonea's headcanon that Walkerville is a mysterious moving city. Like Howl's Moving Castle, but it's a whole town.

Other notes:

D.A. and Carlos have the largest extended families that everyone knows about.

By contrast, nobody is really sure how big Ralphie's extended family is, because he doesn't often mention them. And then when he does bring up his relatives, he is surprised that nobody else knows them. ("What do you mean you've never met my uncle Ed?")

Phoebe has some relatives from Canada (similar to me).

[wild-grinders]

Ketterville Canon vs Sprawl City Canon

Both stories hold the structure of Wild Grinders together, and yet, have a lot of disagreements. In short Ketterville was the ORIGINAL blueprint for Wild Grinders, but as time went on, it became retconned when airing as the Nickeloden TV series. Anyways, let's just get into it because introductions will never be my thing.

Ketterville Canon (Toys and Movie Canon)

If you didn't already know, Wild Grinders began as a toyline and not an animated series. Mattel contacted Rob Dyrdek to create a skate crew as toys. When the toys were being designed, Dyrdek had a specific vision for the characters and the story behind the toys. Essentially, he chose to create a vague memory of his childhood skate crew in Ohio. He never specified any of the real-life members, however. But he did pull some inspiration from the skate culture in California, that influenced more diversity among the skate crew.

But he still settled for his hometown in Ohio to be the setting anyways. (Why we will call it the Ketterville Canon).

A lot of the toys often included blurbs of what the characters were like at this time. And this would be the best way (as we can) to put it all chronologically.

Jay Jay and Emo Crys where Lil' Rob's two closest friends. Lil' Rob and Jay Jay met by playing basketball and just hanging out. In a Berrics interview, Dyrdek mostly described Jay Jay as a germaphobe who's going to be a doctor one day. Meanwhile, Lil' Rob met Emo Crys during a skate competition where they got off on the wrong foot and basically tried to whack at each other. They became friends by the end of it though.

Emo Crys was never a shy and cute person. He was reserved, moody as hell, artistic, deadpan dry, and 'cries over everything'. But it was most likely due to him being born in China and having felt isolated in such a small town in America. No one understood him and he took his words into art (or actions from the way he was ready to fite Lil' Rob). After becoming friends, he did mellow out a bit.

Jack Knife was never a full-on southern accent American. Rob Dyrdek based him loosely on the idea of it, but Jack Knife was far from the "American Dream" kid. His family was homeless, described as 'nomads' (this is the more appropriate version of the original word) and they were all dumb as hell. However, they were NEVER written having patriarchy attitudes. Jack Knife's dad didn't own a car and used a shopping cart instead, while his mother was into spirituality and always welcomed the Wild Grinders. Jack Knife's sister was never added in his lore. Anyways, the Grinders found him at the local skate park because he was described as a legend (for pulling risky and dumb stunts).

Spitball did not speak english at all. He's always spoken in spanish, but he's very aware of what everyone is saying english. His character stays very consistent in the series as a street ninja, but his toy lore never mentions anything about dojos or master sensei. And here's a fun fact: he got his nickname because he spat on everyone because he heard there was a legend that spit can heal your scrapes and cuts. Jay Jay did not appreciate his method of first aid.

Goggles is the last member of the Wild Grinders. He only had a brief moment in the Golden Grinders movie, but didn't stand out because he was made at last minute. In a Berrics interview, Rob Dyrdek only had 5 characters ready to lauch for the toyline: Lil' Rob, Emo Crys, Jay Jay, Spitball, and Jack Knife. It wasn't until after the "Golden Grinders", where Dyrdek and Tracy began to implement Goggles into the skate crew as the camera boy. Even when "The Lost Skate Spot" came out, Goggles still had very little screentime and lines.

Not only that, but it's very difficult to say anymore about Goggles in Ketterville canon. There aren't any photos of his toy box online that gives specific lore about him other than he was the last member of the Wild Grinders.

Meaty didn't talk at all.

Shark Attack is a part of Ketterville canon, but because he has more California influences, that's where we finally get into 'Sprawl City Canon' aka when the toyline was cancelled in favour of animation.

Sprawl City Canon (TV Series Canon)

Sprawl City's the new and revamped version of Wild Grinders that's basically influenced more by California (where Rob Dyrdek lives today). It was more #relatable for the younger generation and made for more flexibility of the story to be fun as a TV series. But things got retconned or added because it needed to be a wacky, fun, awesome series for 8-year-olds to easily watch.

At the beginning of the series, there was an attempt to keep the characters true to their lore seen in 'Biggest Sellout' and 'Going Hollyweird' where they stuck to the characters' original voices and even the personalities.... Until they lost it later in the season.

*takes a drag of a pixie stick*

And here's the retcon and unnecessary additions that make what the Sprawl City Canon is today:

This one really isn't that bad, but the series made Lil' Rob and Goggles the friendship duo. Honestly cute, but it does retcon Lil' Rob's friendship @ Jay Jay and Emo Crys

Stubford. And they added his father, Hucksterball. Just the episodic villains that honestly insert themselves in the story. They were never in the short movies and that's all you need to know.

Jay Jay being more of the mature nanny rather than an 'older brother' personality that the toy lore intended. (Listen, 'Lil' Rob Riding Hood' was an episode that made my brain scream about it).

Jack Knife's soft voice being turned into loud, 'southern accent Texan American' for the purpose of it being more funny

The Knife family is a bit more financially stable and can afford housing and they continue to travel as a circus (Butter Knife confirmed to be Jack's little sister), but man. There's something about their personalities (from toy lore) that seemed more fun and feels more genuine.

Emo Crys. He's a lot more of an modern, sanitised, gentrified, hot topic theatre kid. He's not as dark and moody, but more awkward introvert than a full-on 2008 scene kid. And they made him like unicorns and ponies. Not to like hate on that, but they did this exact same thing to Raven in TTGo and something just feels unsettling about this new trend.

Spitball does talk in english, mostly for the purpose of verbal accessibility to kids, but that's not all. He's given more Asian-Hispanic influences in the TV series because he's a ninja. Kinda neat, but his Mexican and punk influences are put aside.

Meaty does talk

This is literally the only canon we can get for Goggles. We learn more about him here. The fact that he's allergic to birthday cake all the way to his eye color being dk blue. We get to see his family and he has more story here and everyone lacks development.

Too tired to write more, but yeah, there's differences in lore send your WG OCs for fun

[learnasl]

Does American Sign Language Really Have Accents?

American Sign Language (ASL) records its ancestry back in the 19th century in France. And also like any spoken or signed language, ASL has evolved as time passes to represent users’ cultural and regional distinctions.

American Sign Language isn't really a rendition of English. Actually, it’s a specialized language that has its very own pronunciation, word formations, grammar, sentence structures, and idioms. Like various other natural languages, ASL has evolved spontaneously in humans through long use and repetition devoid of conscious planning. It’s the primary sign language utilized by Deaf and Hard of Hearing people in the United States Of America and the most of English-speaking Canada. ASL is really a complete, methodized visual language with both non-manual and manual features.

Public speakers of American Sign Language also have their accents or communication patterns. And similar to every various other languages, ASL is characterized by regional variants and alterations in tone. In sign language, an accent or style is observable in exactly how words are signed differently. It is a lexical distinction, similar to how certain US citizens say “pop” while other people say “soda” when mentioning a soft drink.

Regional and Cultural Variations of American Sign Language

Individuals who use spoken languages have got different accents or variations in how they converse based upon where they are coming from. Additionally, even within one country, people’s accents change from region to region. For example, in the United States, people from New York have New York accents, and those coming from the South have Southern accents. In the same way, accents, also called styles, occur in ASL.

An individual’s ASL accent or style is determined by their behaviors, expressions, gestures, phrases, speed of execution, and hand movements. ASL accents, as a whole, are expressed by users’ physical condition, age level, culture, place of birth, and use of idioms and slang. An excellent ASL user can often distinguish exactly what region or culture an individual is coming from depending on how they sign.

Black American Sign Language (BASL)

This language developed due to the fact that US schools for the Deaf within the late 19th century didn't acknowledge Black students. So, BASL emerged from the Black culture to meet the students’ necessities. It includes Black idioms and slang in conjunction with standard ASL components.

Regional ASL Styles or Accents

On the level of word meaning, the exact same signed gesture in ASL can denote various things in different parts of the United States. As an example, within the western states, particularly California, the B hand shape, with the palm facing outward and shaken vertically, signifies the city of Berkeley. In contrast, this particular sign usually signifies the city of Boston in the eastern states.

Northeastern ASL Accents/Styles

New York - Much like their Hearing counterparts, Deaf/HoH ASL users from New York City sign rather quickly. ASL users from New York sign a lot quicker and employ several body language and facial expressions than those from different regions of the US. Additionally, they use New York slang and are also inclined to use more profanity!

Philadelphia - The Philadelphia area features some unconventional signs because of the city’s long reputation of teaching Deaf/HoH individuals to communicate through speech and lip-reading. This has created a number of home-grown signs that have become a part of that region’s ASL accent or style.

Southern ASL Accent/Style

Southern ASL users express their signs to imitate the well-known Southern drawl. Southerners even touch their chests as well as the lower part of their faces more frequently when signing, and these expressions have become a part of the South’s ASL accent or style.

Midwestern ASL Accent/Style

While signers from the Northeast are generally quick with regards to their signing and Southerners are slower and meticulous, Midwesterners lie somewhere in the middle. For instance, American Sign Language users from Ohio are generally calm and relaxed with their signing, not very fast or too slow.

The Impact of ASL Accents/Styles on Communication

Accents mirror people’s unique backgrounds, and a lot of them take pride in their style and accents. Even so, as with spoken English, possessing a distinctive ASL accent could potentially cause difficulties in communicating with other native users in work, educational, and social settings.

Because of this, a number of ASL users learn how to modify or eliminate their accents to enhance signed communication skills. Another way in dealing with this problem is through standardization of ASL to help users communicate better.

[conkreetmonkey]

REVIEW: Homestuck: Part One (2022 film adaptation)

So I just got my Dimenstream free trial up and running on my PC... did you guys know that just 2 major timelines over, as part of their now-defunct partnership with Dreamworks and with a huge grant from the British monarchy themselves, Aardman did a 3-part, 9 hour adaptation of Homestuck, animated entirely in stop motion Wallace and Gromit style (excepting, of course, some special effects), and apparently in that reality it's the most expensive film ever made at $1.2 billion? According to the trivia section, to get it done within a decent timeframe, they ran 3 different crews at once, each making one of the 3 films in tandem with one another, and due to this there could be no spur-of-the-moment deviations from the script excepting typo removals because then the other two films might have been inconsistent with the change, so they took a whole 2 weeks to absolutely pore over the storyboards and dialogue for any mistakes or possible improvements before filming could start. Andrew Hussie was initially involved with the development, and was in the room for those parts, but left partway through the actual filming to pursue "personal projects." That's all it says, no indication of what those are. And let me tell you, from the first film alone (which is all I've watched so far) it is a fucking TRIP. I imagine any hardcore fans would find it painful, they made SO many changes, but me personally? I had an absolute BLAST, and laughed so hard I almost vomitted on like 4 seperate occasions. For starters:

They made all the beta kids British, excepting Jade who was an American. Dave was from East London and had a thick Cockney accent (honestly it was just really funny when compared with his obnoxiously verbose and "kewl" speech patterns, I liked that), John lived in a white-stuccoed rowhouse in a sprawling suburb of identically shaped yet contrasting redbrick rowhouses (kind of a deviation from the original idea of all the houses being identical including his, like it was a neat aesthetic idea in a vacuum but a little too Roald Dahl for my taste, just felt out of place given the source material) named Crockershire (I liked that, cute lil bit of foreshadowing). Rose lived on the edge of one of those coastal cliffs of white chalk, I couldn't pinpoint her accent but it was very stereotypically posh. Jade lived on an island off the coast of California, yet had a Brooklyn-sounding accent (???). All in all, it was certainly interesting, but was so much of a deviation from the source material that it felt more like an AU fanfiction than an adaptation.

Despite retaining the iconic Aardman artstyle, they very much did not tone down any of the subject matter or language, which felt... off. Like, the Smuppet scenes and all the slurs and swearing especially were very jarring, to the point of breaking my immersion. In fact, I think they cranked up the Smuppet scenes.

The first film only gets up to the point where the Trolls show up and goes through the introduction of each one, so Lord English doesn't get brought up a lot (I think they introduce him, at least conceptually and by name, far earlier in the films, actually), but there were still a lot of cheesy awkward jokes about Lord English's name and I really did not appreciate it after the fifth fucking "Oh, yew mean 'er majesty?" bit. Probably didn't age too well in-timeline either, assuming she died at the same time she did in ours. The first of these movies came out in July. They didn't remove any of it in the later ones, despite both coming out after she croaked in our timeline. I guess because it made sense for the year the films were set in... like, they couldn't logically mention the king, because he wasn't king yet, and would never be because the Buckinghams probably died to meteors.

They sort of... make John x Dave canon? In the first film? Like, before Sburb even starts? They don't even just imply it, either, the first thing they do upon meeting is kiss. Really weird choice, but I respect the sheer ballsiness of putting a gay main character in the most expensive film of all time, at least. There's also a very visible dress sticking out of John's closet and nobody ever acknowledges it, so... well, you know. Whoever wrote this had opinions on John.

Speaking of, they reference The Baby Is You. It happens within the first hour of the first film, too. I feel like they really moved a lil fast with the references. I don't want to spoil it, actually, because I laughed so hard I almost threw up, like literally the hardest I've laughed in years, because, well, I'll just say it absolutely comes out of nowhere and it's not from a place you'd expect.

All the Trolls have American accents. 10/10 on this one, no notes. Gamzee is from south Boston. Vriska is a valley girl.

Actually, forgot to mention, they made Jade black. They kept her hair straight, however, and I really don't know how to feel about that...

Terezi is chubby-buff like she is in Pesterquest, which I kinda liked, but she's the butt of a lot of jokes for it, and not the kind of thing where we're supposed to understand the person making fun is a dickweed for it like when Vriska makes fun of Tavros for being disabled. I think they actually make an equal amount of fat and blind jokes. Like, they equate her "seeing by taste" thing to gluttony and imply she gained weight after becoming blind due to it somehow(???), it's actually kinda gross how much they beat on her for her disability too come to think of it. Like at one point someone, I forget who, says something like "who'd fill a quadrant with THAT?" and it's like... actually mean. There's no comeback, no element of "an asshole is saying this," the film just glosses over it. It's fucked.

Tavros gets treated better, actually, but still worse than he did in the comics. They make "how do your genitals work now" jokes at least 2 or 3 times.

Karkat isn't a mutant anymore?? Candy reds are just called "redbloods" and occupy a new caste between rust and bronze? They even change the sign on his shirt to match. Felt like a huge change to his character, and I hate it. And they didn't alter the expanded zodiac to accomodate a new caste, either (which... ok tbf even in the comic there wasn't some empty row for the limebloods, but I heard they merchandiced the hell out of the zodiac, like there were fucking slushies, and from what I've seen they just... made seemingly random rust signs into red ones???

btw, unrelated but apparently there were a lot of memes about how the green dye used in the jade and olive slushies they sold in a lot of theatres and convenience stores made you shit yourself. Keep in mind, this was a three hour movie, so... yikes. Also, apparently the jade ones were lime flavored, which led to some... debates. Olive was watermelon, which is kind of baffling because you don't eat the green part??

Eridan gets called the F-slur, once and only once. Ironically, Dave says it. While right next to John. His boyfriend. The implied crossdresser. Who does not react at all. What the fuck, British people.

They kinda retconned things so Trolls are homophobic and have distinct sexes now, and like... stop. Please stop. It was so fucking cringe to see the whole "now I see that love is love" thing from EACH. FUCKING. TROLL. Even Eridan, who they reeeally gayed out, like bro the call is coming from inside the house.

They minion-ified the Carapascians and I hate it. Also Jack Noir has like 10 net minutes of screen time and it actually pissed me off because his model looked amazing and the transformation sequences were sooooo cool but felt sooooo rushed. You have 3 hours of movie to work with, guys! Let it breathe!

They changed the design of a lot of the alchemy machines. They still looked cool, but they had the kooky brass-and-rivets designs of a Wallace and Gromit contraption. The totem lathe even turned itself with a white-gloved hand that popped out of a hatch. Everything else about Sburb still felt very white and green y2k video game-ey, so this was an absolutely bizarre choice.

Final thing I'll say because I could honestly prattle about this shit all day: familiar favorites from the original have returned to write the soundtrack. Yay! Excepting the main theme, which was commissioned from Imagine Dragons and was... really fucking bad. You just have to hear it, it's like... how did they think this was anything other than grating. Apparently it became a retail favorite in that timeline, too... ugh. Just ugh. Those poor minimum wage bastards.

Conclusion: if you ever need to kill a evening, watch it. Please. You'll cry laughing. It's not bad, it's not good, it's baffling. The visuals are insanely impressive, yet you're constantly thinking "why did they choose this of all things for a claymation adaptation." The music is either phenomenal to the point of feeling mind-blowing (I mean shit, that one remix of Patient from the LOHAC reveal scene is one of my top ten songs ever now), or makes your lower back hurt from involuntary stress clenching. The writing... well, it's Homestuck, chopped up and reassembled. It escapes description by mortal words, just as much if not more so than its predecessor. You just have to WATCH IT. Go get the free trial right now and get the .exe running, clear an evening, order a pizza, maybe invite some friends over, and FUCKING WATCH IT.

[fishrpg]

2024-10-30: Area 30 (Barbershop)

The big sign out above the front door says "BARBER" with the corresponding red, white, and blue pole nearby, but the letters painted on the door say "Mr. Leopold Winters, Tonsorial Artist." It's situated in a narrow storefront downtown, immediately visible to anyone entering downdown from the west, south, or the railroad.

Inside the shop is exactly what you would expect from a barbershop. There's the chair, with a washbasin on a nearby counter also filled with the tools of the hairdressing and shaving. A bench lines one wall for people who are waiting for Leopold to finish a haircut, and a stove keeps water hot for shaves and hair washing.

Leopold is a man who arrived a few years ago, one of the few people who moved here from California instead of the other way around. He has a slight Sheffield accent (most Americans would just call it an English accent, though) from emigrating to the States as a kid when his father spent the family fortune chasing gold in California after the discovery at Sutter's Mill in 1848. Leopold is great at following the instructions people give for their haircuts, but he wishes more people would let him have more autonomy to do try different styles. So many people could look so much better with some of the styles from California, if only they were willing to try!

He's also handy with a blade, and always has on his person a Taylor Sheffield locking switchblade that used to belong to his father. Unfortunately, it's because some of the men in town think that Leopold is trying to steal their wives because he's in such high demand for women's hair styling, and Leopold must be ready to fight at a moment's notice. He never has to draw blood, though, because he just so fast. The blade is already up to his opponent's neck by the time they unsheathe their bowie knife.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (378): Thu 30th Mar 2023

USA: let’s do this shit! The last six months have dragged like a motherfucker. I’ve suffered through an incredibly harsh winter and unbearably long shifts at work but it’s been worth it. I’m off to the USA where I will cross three items off my list: WrestleMania, California and the LA Lakers. My sister picked me up at half 2 in the morning but not before I ruined my compression socks by stepping in a puddle of piss the dog had left on the carpet while I was getting my bags in order. We then went to pick Dad up and headed off for the airport. I’m an incredibly nervous traveller, in fact I’m in incredibly nervous everything-er but it gets really bad when it comes to travel. I’m constantly worrying that I’m going to forget my passport or my phone or that the transport will be delayed or that the thing I’m travelling to see actually isn’t happening until the year after. I won’t be able to properly relax until I’m in SoFi Stadium singing along with Seth Rollins’ theme song. I’d stayed awake al night so that I’d be good and tired for this torturous flight and was already falling asleep in Heathrow airport. I took a sleeping tablet as soon as I got on the flight and while it didn’t work straight away I did get a good few hours sleep despite the chairs being unusually uncomfortable. I don’t know why they have those adjustable headrests because they never go up or down enough to fit in between your head and shoulders and just end up pushing your head out. I have to say while the flight was long it didn’t feel like 9.5 hours. In order to save money Dad and I didn’t book transport to and from our hotel and decided to make our own way there from the airport. This was incredibly tough because bother of us were already jetlagged and confused and couldn’t work out how the metro ticketing system worked. We were that out of it that it was a bit like getting someone drunk and then making hem go on The Krypton Factor. Eventually we worked out which trains we needed to get in order to reach our hotel but we weren’t in for a smooth ride. There was some high cunt on the Metro talking about Cheech and Chong who came over to us, heard our accents and told us that we should quote some English literature to some black bitches (his word not mine, obviously) and they would be like putty in out hands. I dunno about that. We finally got to our hotel but before the receptionist would let us into our room she told us that we needed to put down a safety deposit of $60 and when I gave her the money in cash she said that the payment was card only. This really pissed me off because what if I hadn’t brought a credit card with me? Would she had just thrown us out on the street and not let us into the room that we’d already paid for? Dad was really pissed off about it and will be letting the travel agents both barrels when he gets home for not telling us about this. We finally got into our room which was okay. I wasn’t expecting anything special anyway and it serves its purpose since we’re not planning on being in here much of the time anyway. I went for a bath and…fucks sake. American baths are awful. There’s no slant for you to lie down on and it’s like having a bath in a coffin. There are a few things American should adapt from the UK (most things actually) but the main thing is legalising jaywalking and slanted baths. I went to bed and passed out almost immediately. This was a very hectic day but I’ll have all day tomorrow to recover, explore LA and then it’s off to WrestleMania!

[touchlikethesun]

10 books to know me

some of these are red flags, i am very well aware. thanks to @arakhnee for the tag 😊

The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger

i first read catcher when i was 12 and i thought holden cauffield was the coolest person to ever exist. i read it again at 16, and i was so angry at holden because he was doing things i didn’t understand. and then at 19 i read it one more time and i couldn’t stop crying because this kid… this kid… catcher is one of those books that distills incredibly well what it means to be young and traumatised, and also one that your perception of changes as you grow older. there are a lot of books i come back to often, but none more often than catcher.

Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami

murakami is one of those authors that it’s really easy to hate, and i totally understand those that don’t like him. one thing you can’t reproach him tho, he knows how to do magical realism, and kafka is perhaps the best example of this, at the very least, it’s my favourite. (1Q84, who?) this is another book whose portrayal of youth really got to me (this will be a theme lol).

Demian, Herman Hesse

demian was my introduction to jungian psychoanalysis, and though i no longer put much stock in it now, i spent quite a bit of time in secondary schools learning about psychoanalysis as a way to better understand myself and others. demian is quite a dark novel, and i'm not sure i should list out the ways that i related to it, but suffice to say, relatable or not, it is a very real look at the conflicting forces that surround one in adolescence.

The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton

i think i first read this for school, but i’ve read it many more times since. again, really compelling characters with really compelling dynamics, and this book has given the world perhaps the most bittersweet line of all time: "stay gold, ponyboy."

Ethics, Spinoza

while this is a defense of the existence of god, and i am resolutely atheist, i find Spinoza's Ethics to be on of the most impressive pieces of philosophy published since Plato's Republic (another red-flag fav). it's a bit difficult to read, the form is in a series of logical proofs, but the world spinoza constructs is one that was able to connect my notions of science and spirituality beautifully. substance monism is an incredibly romantic notion, and i encourage people to look up secondary literature on spinoza as an introduction before diving into the ethics.

On the road, Jack Kerouac

another oft-cited red flag book, albeit for good reason. from my perspective, as someone in their twenties, i was drawn to the romance of on the road, as it is full of characters with no direction, with characters that only know how to live in the moment for better or for worse. there are horrible things that happen in this books, and kerouac is no saint, but on the road is a great american novel for a reason.

A supermarket in California, Allen Ginsburg, or really just any/all of Ginsburg's poetry

i have a complex relationship with being american. i don't like my country, but at the same time, i can't hate it because it is my home. allen ginsburg, as someone that also has a complex relationship with america, writes poetry that captures this conflict beautifully. ginsburg was also my first real introduction to the world of gay lit.

Talking Proper, Lydia Mugglestone

this one is not as emotionally significant as the rest, but it is one of my favourite books of all time, and the reason i study what i study today. a look at historical and contemporary classism associated with accents in britain, it is a very engaging read, and it was a paradigm shift for me in how i view mine and other's patterns of speech.

The Infernal Devices, Cassandra Clare

time for me to get off my pretentious high horse and admit that some of my favourite books of all time still are the infernal devices. something about a main character that believes he's cursed so anyone that falls in love with him will die, so the continued existence of those that he cares about is just evidence that none of them actually love him. yeah that was never not going to alter my whole worldview.

The ones who walk away from Omelas, Ursla K. Le Guin

this one isn't a book really, it's a short story, no more than a couple pages, and also the only entry on this list that i recommend to anyone without any reservations. that is if you haven't already read it lol.

okie dokie well, that's 10! i believe i'm a bit late to this, so i'll refrain from tagging anyone, but if by chance you haven't been tagged yet, then you can consider this as me tagging you :)

[bastart13]

I’ve had a lot of fun recently coming with with female mercenary characters for TF2. I really liked where the concept art was going with making them all individual characters rather than simply “if the characters were women”

The design style is fantastic for distinct simplicity so I tried limiting myself to basic colours and shapes to make these

and I’m pretty confident they pass the silhouette test!

Character names/bios under the cut!

Heavy

Name: Marie Jarrett

Age: Mid 30s-40s

Height: 6’5

Nationality: American (Hawai’i)

Bio: Raised in Hawai’i, growing up she developed more and more drastic measures to fend off the tourists swarming her home. Land mines, electric gates, guard dogs, none could stop them for long until she picked up her trusty minigun to send her message. But even still, she hears the click of cameras in the night.

Eventually, she left her home to explore the world. Enthralled with the image of seeing different wonders across different countries, she’s always disappointed. She’s travelled every continent and still finds nothing that lives up to her expectations. No place, no person. She’s outgoing and open to new experiences, only she usually hates them.

Mercenary life is a great opportunity to earn money, see sights, meet new people and kill them after they don’t meet your expectations. She hates New Mexico and takes every opportunity to destroy the buildings and insult her employer’s tastes. She finds some people she tolerates within the mercenaries as she hasn’t yet visited where they live. However much she hides it, she has a deep, instinctual fear of the Engineer.

  Soldier

Name: Linda Smith

Age: Early 40s

Height: 5’10

Nationality: Canadian

Bio: Canada’s perfect woman… or so she claims. The star of war propaganda posters and clearly decided for the role because of her great tactical assets. She’s there to motivate people into the fight. To spread the glory of Canada and inspire her allies. She believes she has higher orders than anyone else she’s working for (ignoring the fact she hasn’t heard from them for a good few years) and is determined to follow them to the letter. She may have lost the letter but she remembers it good enough.

She represents the ideals of Canada: polite, friendly, apologetic, and pacifistic. None of these are contradicted by how she throws around rockets. That’s not what Canada means. She’s superior to everyone around her and graciously educates them on how to improve through example. She loves her French and British allies and will kindly tell the Americans how to be better.

She’s motivating and actually fairly competent, it’s just that competency might be misdirected. She’s damn good at rocket jumping, shooting her shotgun, and supporting her team, it’s just that you really need to get it in her head when she’s meant to be doing it.

Scout

Name: Patricia “Pat” Herald

Age: 50s-60s

Height: 5’4

Nationality: English

Bio: In her years, Patricia has learnt fear… and she’s learnt to laugh in its face. She wakes up at the crack of dawn, ready to leave at the drop of a hat, boots polished and laced the night before. Her years have taught her that with a gun and Jeremy by her side, she can survive!

The postal route of Appleby-in-Westmorland.

She’s been chased by geese, dogs, cows, elderly ladies, and when her postal route had her delivering post during the war, she developed a taste for blood. Nothing will stop her from delivering her post on time. Every day before 6am, every postbox will have their letters and parcels. One chucked across barbed wire, another house jumped over a river, another house miles into the country with dogs on her heels, she WILL get there and she’ll get there FAST.

But after a couple of decades, she needs a change of scenery, and the Gravels wars are just the holiday she’s needed. With her trusty black and white cat by her side (ignoring the yowling and scratches) she reckons it’ll be great time to enjoy herself.

Quotes: “Oh, hello, Human Jeremy.”

“Bloody fucking Ethel! Building her house out in the country… surrounded by bloody hills and rivers!”

Pyro

Name: Nikephoros Papadopoulos

Age: Late 20s

Height: 5’11

Nationality: Greek

Bio: Survival of the fittest. Nature gives and nature taketh away. If you’re not prepared for that, well, Pyro is more than happy to teach you the lesson. They embody the old values of the Greek gods: f*ck or fire. She indulges her every whim and unfortunately for the people around her it often involves arson.

One year for the Olympic games, she was given the noble title of torchbearer. On complete coincidence, the Olympics shifted to primarily water sports. Underwater sprints became the hot new trend!

She’s merry and chatty, never missing the opportunity to talk to other people about herself and her world view. She can’t wait to spread her gospel to help other people improve themselves (though she always gets a laugh out of those who go out screaming in the flames). She can’t help it if she has a sadistic side.

Engineer

Name: Mikawo Kojima

Age: Early 20s

Height: 5’0

Nationality: Japanese

Bio: Japan’s early-rising industrial revolutions in technology are best exemplified in Mikawo, a young upstart determined to rise to the top, learning everything she can and building the best of the best. Unfortunately, she’s never been the most creative but when you happen upon other people’s blueprints and happen to construct them first, what does it matter who came up with the “concept”?

At first, she appears to be every bit the quiet and demure young woman people expect, only when silk hides steel, that steel is a massive automatic sentry gun. She’s motivated by a distinct contempt for the people who get in her way. Especially those who try to be better than her. She enjoys the flexibility of English, especially the cusses, and she has no reservations about swearing up a storm, even if she still refuses to give a straight rejection, preferring instead to give a small “I’ll think about it.”

Quotes: “This GUN is fair use on your head!”

Demo

Name: Qingzhao Zeng

Age: Late 40s

Height: 5’3

Nationality: Chinese

Bio: The Zeng family has a long-standing family trade in demolitions and explosives, traced down the line all the way to the Song dynasty. Luckily, Qingzhao has sisters so, you know, it’s not all that important. She doesn’t even have to stop smoking and drinking. She hasn’t blown herself up (that much) so clearly, it’s working. Precision is for other people to worry about. She’s apathetic to a T, having seen everything. Measurements come from the heart. A pinch of gunpowder there, a splash of paint there.

Her family has a deep-seated rivalry with the DeGroots. Long ago in ancient China, a Zeng matriarch woke up in a cold sweat, a message from the stars to let them know of their Scottish rivals. Due to being a continent away from each other, the families have actually met each other only a handful of times, but the hatred needs to be kept up because, what if?

Turns out, Qingzhao has met Tavish even before finding employment under the Mann brothers. One drunken night, the two of them had a short, whirlwind friendship, sharing secrets and declaring each other to be their best friends. Luckily for them, they both forgot the night, merrily hating each other as tradition dictates. However, headaches and flashes of this terrible night haunt them both. Could they really get over centuries of hate and become friends?

Absolutely not.

Sniper

Name: Ansa Aaltonen

Age: 27

Height: 6’2

Nationality: Finnish

Bio: Snow. Sugar. Cocaine.  Her life is run by many white powders. Ansa is a professional sniper, with a sharp eye and a steady hand… when she isn’t also high as a kite, lost in the snowy wilderness of Finland and screeching to the sky. When you’re up in the dark and cold, you need something to give you a little pep in your step. It just so happens Ansa liked having a bit more pep than most.

She’s there for a THRILL. There’s nothing better to get your heart pumping at 200 beats per second than a good headshot, embracing the chill, and a hit of sugar. She no longer feels the cold or heat or even pain, shrugging it off until she collapses. It just makes her feel alive. She’s efficient, fast, and determined to get her kicks.

She has an unusual taste, living off fermented fish and tree bark. To most people around the Finnish wilderness, she’s nothing more than an urban legend, but she’s very real and she’s looking for some excitement, happily found in employment in the Gravel wars.

Spy

Name: Yvonne Pleshette [Real name N/A]

Age: 30s

Height: 5’8

Nationality: American (California)

Bio: The silver screen calls to his woman and she’s happy to answer. She trains herself to act in every possible role she can, having a wide range of accents, body languages, and backstories. To truly test herself, she gave up her identity long ago. Lately she’s been going by the name “Yvonne.”

The world of Hollywood is cutthroat and full of backstabbers so she learnt to cut throats and stab backs. While some people tell her the terms are metaphorical, nothing else has given her more roles. Living the mercenary life is simply gathering research for her roles (and earning some much-needed money in the process).

She presents herself as a classic film star, despite being a minor name at best, mostly because she’s always changing it. She has high standards but a cheapskate personality. She’s a bit of a bitch, happily criticising others, especially if they’re working with her. What can she say? She’s a diva.

[Slutshames other spy]

Quotes: “Ugh, actors these days, they know nothing about getting into character. They still have names.”

“’AHHHHH—’ Wait, no. Once more from the top. Scream in agony.”

Medic

Name: Susan Monks

Age: 30-40s

Height: 5’7

Nationality: American (New Jersey)

Bio: The American Healthcare system. Is there a more glorious sight? The exploitation of pain. The money. The debt. The fear it strikes into the entire population it’s designed to help. To Susan, there’s nothing better. She squeezes every last drop from the people she helps, working on a purely transactional lifestyle. She’ll never help someone unless she has all of their insurance information and the payment secure in her bank, and god forbid she ever accept help. It’s not like she can afford her own prices.

She’s very self-aware of her own corruption and proud of it, though she refuses to be exploited in the same way, suspicious of anything “free” but also doing her best not to pay for anything.

That said, she doesn’t much care for how good a job she does. In her eyes, asking for surgery is one thing. Asking for successful surgery is another. She has a variety of skills in both cosmetic and military medicine. She just wishes the license board would stop sending her “malpractice” letters. Ugh, stick to your own business. “Disappearing” all their messengers is becoming a pain.

Quotes: “Why get someone else to do something for you when you can scrounge a way to do it yourself?”