#most of my other fandoms got that covered tho

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

I want to know everyone's all time favorite fe ships from any game!!! Tell me NEOOOOW

Call me basic but BoeMae are adorable <3 also a big fan of the Magvel Princess Polycule (Eirika×Tana×L'arachel), Timerrin and Stahl×The Guillotine.

[turtleblogatlast]

No but like every time I think about Splinter and what he had to go through just to keep the boys alive, my heart hurts for him so badly. Is he perfect? No not at all, but none of them are and by god does he love his sons.

The fact that all of them are alive, and grew to thrive despite the circumstances surrounding them is a testament of how much Splinter loves his boys. He raised four babies following the most traumatic time of his life, all alone with nothing but the sewers to house them (to hide them.) I feel like he’s not given the credit he deserves for all he’s done.

And I get that it’s easy to hold up his flaws and faults when it comes to parenting, I myself like looking into them because flawed characters are super interesting and said flaws make them more realistic and engaging, but he tries, and again, so many others would have given up on the boys or failed along the way but Splinter didn’t.

He’s their father, for all his faults he did his damndest to make sure they survived.

[the--firevenus]

The missed opportunity of this fandom to not make an au of baby Terry being Bruce child and last of the Batfam addition

HEAR ME OUT. I KNOW THIS IS VERY FANON AND OOC... BUT CONSIDER THIS. IT'S FUNNY. AND FUN.

In the au Terry exist via clone made by Cadmus or something ala Conner Kent, but instead of mix DNA with someone, it's purely Bruce's DNA, and maybe some enhancement (maybe actually mix with someone but idk, put that in the clipboard) .. But here the catch, somehow the existing of this tube baby caught in the wind and he was rescue by the Batfam (don't asked me the logistic, stick with me, this is brainstorming session)

But, unlike the usual test tube kid or whatever. Terry is just a human baby, a child. Sure Bruce had taken care of Damian when he's young but not this young. And technically? Terry is his son?? Right?? Logistically???? If he raise him? Even tho he also technically a clone??? Whatever. Put that on the clipboard.

Que in the shenanigans, Bruce that was like thinking he's a veteran of taking care of kids by now, suddenly fubbling and start at square one of parenting again cuz THIS IS A BABY... Sure he had took care of other people baby for a bit, learning how to change their diaper and make baby formula... But that someone's else's kid and he only took care of them for a while... THIS IS NEW.. NEW BABY... WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO DO!?!?!? (some part of him was kinda happy to take care of Terry that young cuz he never got the chance to do the same to Damian)

Que Dick kinda amused seeing Bruce looked like the same guy that first adopted him, clueless of parenting (even tho that's not true) and unsure, I think he'd help Bruce around when he had the time, buying baby formula and diapers, or maybe offer to cover Bruce's patrol shift once in a while (you think you've seen Bruce being sleep deprived juggling his vigilante life, his playboy sona life and being a dad of 6+? THINK AGAIN. the new baby had him PASSED THE FUCK OUT whenever he can. Plus man is old. You can't blame him for no longer as agile as new parents are)

I think Jason (if we assume this au is Jason and Bruce relationship being better) would be like "I'm only here to see the baby", and he did, but he also told Bruce to go nap "you look like me after lazarus pit old man", in my head Jason I'd a great babysitter cuz he had helped Roy with Lian, he knows his way, kinda, while talking to the baby as if it's a big man, "listen when you're older, I'm your favourite okay, and I will taught you All the things B didn't want you to do >:)"

Felt like Tim would be the most experienced in the "clone but also not really" department cuz... Yk... Probably advocate any health check if Bruce asked, he may experience with it on someone older in age but Terry is a baby, they need plan if things goes sour and Tim had plans if Bruce need backup. With that said, I like to think when he hold Terry up in his arm, he's suddenly the most over protective brother ever, "I only have this child for a day but if anything happen to him, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself" (and he meant it 100%)

In my head Damian would be the one that felt the most conflicted of Terry existent, on one hand.. Yes they technically share the same blood as the Waynes, but he also so used of being the youngest one, suddenly he felt his position threaten even tho he's aware this baby can't even defeat him even with 100 years of training, he scowl at the baby in Bruce's arm, unpleased of this newcomer that threatening his heir position,,, then baby Terry hold Damian hand and how the tiny baby hand can only hold one of his finger.. " He is so weak father.." "that's because he's still little.." "he's useless.... I shall be there to train him stronger when he's of age." ( "in the meanwhile I will protect his soft bones")

Alfred when he saw baby Terry was a bit stunned, he looked just like baby Bruce it's actually insane but also endearing. Suddenly he smile so fondly remembering the day when Thomas and Martha show him then newly born Bruce to him, so soft, so fragile, so innocent untouched of the cruelty of the world. He found himself promising to do his duty to this new Wayne the same way he said to Thomas and Martha the day Bruce's born.

[samfucker]

gulp... darlin hcs... this is kinda long... i use he/they pronouns here. hes a cis dude in my eyes i just type they out of instinct.

hes called julius

mexican-asian! (their dad is mexican, their mom is cambodian. they were born in mexico but moved to washington when their dad got a better job opportunity.)

his dad has a teardrop tattoo and one of those "cut here" tattoos on his neck. he's also blind in one eye

their mom is beautiful but #evil. she always had her nails painted dark red

julius' favourite colour is dark red

he got 4 siblings!! hes the middle.

their older sister was the typical 2000s teen girl. ik yall are envisioning the hairstyle im talking about. she also brags about how she loved leopard print before it got popular.

also shes a kesha lover. now she listens to chappell roan. she IS casual.

as an adult, their younger brother works with animals! their older sister has an online job and their older brother is a mechanic. their younger sister is in college and julius hates her bf. the one sided beef is crazy. theyve never even met in person.

he did boxing as a teen and his little sister used to do dance

ik more of the fandom wants them to have happy childhood BUT NOT ME!!!!!!1

BOOM UR PARENTS SUCK!!

their dad sold their wii for drug money (am i projecting)

their mom is worst than their dad muahahahahah

they had a saint bernard called Pooch growing up and a yappy little chihuahua that his mom loved. that dog also refused to die. like im talking this dog got attacked by a bigger dog and had a tumor and got hit by a car and survived. by the time the dog died it had a leg missing and was blind. the vet bills were crazy

even tho their parents were shitty, they could never bring themselves to hate them even though they wanted to. when either of them would pass out on the couch, he'd cover them with a blanket and clean the living room and kitchen. when his mom would be upset, he'd sit and listen to her even tho she never did the same to him

he doesnt talk to his parents now and he makes jokes about what he went thru to cope, but he wonders if they're doing okay, if they got healed and became better people or if they passed away and they never knew.

the bond they had with their unempowered friend was the same bond asher, david and milo have. his friend was called trevor.

julius was trevors first kiss because trevor complained about feeling like a loser since everyone started dating around their teen years LMFAO

their first concert was a metallica one that they went to with quinn

they worked as a waiter for a while as a teenager and had a work bestie that was like 40

guyliner...........

I STOLE THIS HC FROM A FIC IVE READ IF YOU FIND IT PLZ LMK SO I CAN CREDIT!! but they worked in a fighting ring at one point

my own add on to the same hc: during this time, they had a shitty little apartment and the most decorated space was a dresser dedicated to their fish, soda pop. that fish was spoiled as fuck and he cried when soda pop died

he frequented a diner to the point the lady behind the counter knew his order beat for beat

when they were teenagers, asher took inspo from their style. they used to wear those little black wrist bands with the little spikes (do yall know what im talking about) and thats where ashers love for his spiked collar came from

they do not have a single pair of blank socks. they all have some sort of stupid design on them

also ofc, the rubber duck, courtesy of domini.

they hate haircuts

they HATE the grocery store. they get overstimulated and wanna die immediately.

best meal theyve ever made for themselves is mac and cheese. from those little boxes.

aggro bit them one time and theyre still upset over it

TATTED AS FAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they have piercings GODDDD THEYRE SO FINE

they also have sharp canines (im bouta bust)

i know yall want asher to have heterochromia but i hc julius has it. HOWEVER! I hc asher has anisocoria (one pupil bigger than the other). they bond over having eye conditions

they also fell out of a tree in the middle of the woods one time and cracked their head open and broke their leg and had to limp home

the first ever scar he got was on his chin when he and his brother were pushing each other around (as brothers do) and julius fell and cut his chin open. its very faded now, but his brother brings it up somtimes

one time, out of boredome, he ran away from his brother at the store

his little sister would hide between clothes in the store and would need to be called for on the intercom

i have more. theyre my fav listener. all my hcs go to them.

[milkpup]

｡⋆ʚ♡ like father, like son

›› chapter 4 ›› nsfw 18+ ongoing multi-chapter fic!

artist: 百分二之一 / https://pin.it/7suU92k

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ʚ ao3 ɞ / ʚ kofi ɞ / ʚ fic masterlist ɞ

›› toji fushiguro x reader ›› megumi fushiguro x reader ›› toji x reader x megumi (mfm) ›› 18+ f!reader ›› started: 12/6/23 : updated: 1/29/24 : status: ongoing

‹𝟹 summary: You and Megumi are best friends. You've known eachother for almost your whole life. His home has become your second home. As time passes and life happens, Megumi slowly develops feelings for you, even though he's unaware of it. To complicate things further, you're now living with him and his father, who has also taken a liking to you.

‹𝟹 fandom: jjk, jujutsu kaisen

‹𝟹 genres / warnings: au - no powers, college au, power imbalance, pseudo-incest (they both want y/n, nothing w/ eachother), dubious consent

‹𝟹 tags: good cop bad cop, fluff, smut, angst, toji has a big dick, dilf toji, toji is his own warning, toji tries to be a good parent, toji is an asshole, toji is trying okay?, daddy dom toji, daddy kink, porn with feelings, porn with plot, friends to lovers, spit / spitting, spit kink, spit as lube, breeding, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, double vaginal pen, double pen, anal, making out, making love, love triangles, praise kink, degradation, light masochism, light sadism, emotional sex, cuckolding, jealousy, jealousy kink, smoking, smoking kink, emotional manipulation, manipulation, polyamory?, father and son share you, protective megumi fushiguro, megumi needs a hug, megumi has a big dick, AGED UP CHARACTERS, dead dove: do not eat, finger sucking, large cock, cum swallowing, blow jobs, first time blow jobs, under desk blow jobs, fingerfucking, face sitting, face riding, 69, mutual masturbation, threesome mfm, lots of smut, loss of virginity

‹𝟹 notes: ch 5 is being written, however i've taken a break on this while i finish my other fic (it's coming soon :D). this is the most up to date chapter i have on here and my ao3. this chapter is FIREEEEEEE tho !!

!! - again, PLEASE READ TAGS BEFORE CONTINUING - !!

! - ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+ - !

Chapter 4: Impulse

--

Toji took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette while you were taking a shower. The crisp morning air was cool on his skin as he took a long drag of the cig. He puffed it away, lost in thoughts about what you guys should do today.

The clouds were starting to roll in, and it looked serene from Toji’s balcony. They didn’t live anywhere fancy or expensive, but it was nice being able to feel the peace of the breeze and the comfort of the sun’s warmth. He didn’t want to keep taking things for granted. He would accept and appreciate with enthusiasm from now on.

He inhales more of the smoke before snuffing out the cigarette in an ashtray. There were errands for the house you both needed to attend to, but he also wanted to make it a fun adventure into the city.

--

The steaming hot water of the shower soothed your aching body. You took this moment to think about the past few days and what had transpired. Messing around with Megumi, Toji acting uncharacteristically nice, and the heat of Toji’s gaze as you walked towards the shower. You could feel his eyes glued to your back as you walked away. You didn’t know what to think of it, but your body sure as hell did.

The attention was kinda nice. You liked feeling wanted, even in this fucked up way.

You foamed up your soap before washing your body, quickly finishing up your shower. You still had to get dressed and do your hair and makeup, and you didn’t want to make Toji wait.

You got out of the shower, wrapping the towel around your body. You leave and make your way towards your room, dripping and only covered by a measly towel. The steam escaped the bathroom, clouding the surrounding area.

Megumi isn’t paying much attention to his surroundings as he walks towards his room. Mindlessly scrolling through twitter, he bumps into you. He startles you enough to where your towel shifts in place, revealing your cleavage.

It’s not enough to see anything substantial, but for Megumi, it’s more than enough. He knows what’s under there anyway, and seeing you dripping wet with only a towel to cover yourself was sending explicit thoughts straight to his brain.

He blushes, apologizes, and quickly walks away towards his room, head down in embarrassment.

You shrug, not really putting much thought into it as you reach your room and close the door behind you. You don’t want to dress up for a simple errand run, so you decide upon black leggings and a fluffy, oversized sweater. You can’t choose between fuzzy boots or simple converse, but ultimately choose the latter.

Brushing your hair and putting it up into a claw clip was simple enough for the look. Light makeup, nothing too crazy, maybe a little eyeliner and you’re done soon enough.

You grab your bag and phone, leaving your room. You see Toji waiting for you, sitting on the couch talking about pointless stuff with Megumi. He sees movement out of the corner of his eye and looks up at you.

The contrast between a cute, fluffy, and oversized sweater with tight leggings that hug your hips is extremely pleasing for him. Toji is already getting up, making his way towards the front door.

You quickly walk over to where Megumi is sitting on the couch and rustle his hair a bit. “Bye Gumi, text me if you need anything from me!” You smile at him and walk away, towards Toji.

Megumi notices the exact same details of your body as Toji. Like father, like son of course. He’s thinking back to when he bumped into you, almost dropping your towel and revealing yourself. He licks his lips. And now? Watching you walk away, perfect ass in those tight as fuck leggings? He was already envisioning how he wants to rip those leggings off and take you right there, in front of his dad.

--

You and Toji are heading into the city, running errands, but also just keeping each other company. You both agreed grocery shopping should be last so you could head home right after; so now Toji is driving you both to the shopping plaza.

He plays “dad rock” (think: Nickelback, Green Day, AC/DC type of stuff), but you find it endearing anyways. Not much needs to be said, you sit without speaking much just appreciating each other’s presence. You admire how nonchalant he seems, one hand gripping the steering wheel as the other rests on the center console. His clothes don’t do much to hide his muscular build, scars covering most of his body. The ruggedness of his scars and the rigidness of his muscles are hard to look away from.

Toji notices you staring, but he says nothing. He lets you have his moment, as he lightly smirks while watching the road. You avert your gaze after what feels like eons, feeling embarrassed at your obvious oogling of the man in front of you. You flushed, looking away. You felt wrong and immoral, “This man is like a father to me” kept replaying in your head, louder and louder. Despite this, you were helpless to control the heat you could feel making its way between your legs. You felt ashamed, feeling this way about a man who was basically your father.

--

You both arrive at a shopping plaza, numerous stores and shops packed full with other customers. The weekends were always the busiest, especially around lunch time. Toji parks the car and gets out before opening your door for you. “Princess,” he speaks out, his voice sweet like honey. He would sometimes call you that growing up, but it was very infrequent now at your grown age.

You blush a bit at the sudden usage of your nickname and thank him. “You’re always so kind to me, thank you.” You can’t meet his gaze, but you know it’s locked on you. “Where do you wanna go first?” You ask as you step out of the black sedan.

“Wherever you’d like, doll.” Your mind starts racing at the new pet name he has for you, but you try to not let your face turn more crimson than it already has.

“O-okay… let’s just start walking and browse until we find something!” You probably said this more for you, so you could take a few steps ahead of Toji and hide your face. He follows behind you, allowing you to lead the way.

--

Your shopping spree is pretty uneventful, full of buying some basics like tank tops, t-shirts, leggings, and the occasional plushie. You pass by a lingerie store, and some of the new designs catch your eye. You start gravitating toward the shop’s entrance, telling Toji he could wait in the main area if he’s uncomfortable, but he shakes his head and keeps following you.

Your cheeks are heating up again at the idea of Toji following you around in this intimate setting. You brush it off and keep walking through the displays and counters of bras, bralettes, and other cute lingerie. You pick out a white lacy set of a bralette with matching panties; it’s soft to the touch and dainty.

Toji clears his throat. “Those are nice…. But what about this?” He’s holding up a pink babydoll slip. “It’s cute.” He’s weirdly averting your gaze while holding up the garment.

“Yess!! That’s adorable!!” You take it from his hands, admiring the ruffles and lace adorned with a few bows.

“I’ll get it for ya, if you want, doll.” He’s meeting your eyes again, looking into your soul as you’re practically melting in front of him. You’re convinced you are a blushing mess, and honestly, that’s not the only mess right now.

“Thank you… but you don’t have to…” You’re looking down at the dress again, unable to face him out of embarrassment.

“I want to.” You weren’t sure, but you thought you saw him lick his lips as he made that statement.

You nod. You make sure the size is correct and start making your way to the checkout counter. You’re called to the register as the women greets you.

She tries to make small talk about how cute the set is when she notices the dress. “This is so cute! My boyfriend loves when I wear this too!” You freeze when you realize she assumes you and Toji are a couple.

Toji chuckles a bit. “I see he has good taste as well. I’m looking forward to seeing it later…” He finishes, his voice deepening a bit. You can’t mistake it now, he is definitely playing with you. As much as it confuses you, it excites you tenfold. Thoughts of him admiring you, touching you, maybe more… are rushing through your head making you lightheaded.

He pays for the items and you both leave. The plaza is an open shopping center, and storm clouds had already been accumulating. Shortly after stepping out, it starts to lightly rain. You both rush to take cover next to a building adjacent to the shop you were just in.

You’re both against the wall, with you lightly panting after the slight workout. You’re giggling now, humored that you didn’t read the forecast and thoughts like of course it would rain right now. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. You hadn’t even noticed Toji was no longer by your side until he was right in front of you, hand place above your head on the wall.

He was immensely close, and you could feel his free hand snaking up your body to grab your chin. “You’re so adorable when you laugh, doll.” He reaches down and places a kiss on your lips, gentle and hesitant at first until he gradually increases his intensity and aggression. He’s kissing you like a man starved of affection, like you’re the meal for the last supper, savoring it as if it was the only good thing to ever happen to him again.

You’re shocked at first, but soon melt into the rhythmic pace of the kiss. Tongues meeting each other, swapping saliva as if you were trying to drink each other fully. Toji bites your lip, eliciting a sweet moan from you. He pushes his body against you, moving his thigh in between your legs. You’re unsure if he can feel the heat emanating between your legs, but you know it’s overwhelming intensity.

You can feel his cock pressed against your abdomen through both of your soaked layers. You move your hand on top of his bulge, pressing against it firmly. The rain lessens momentarily, and

you break contact from the kiss only to whisper “please” to him. That was all Toji needed to hear before practically dragging you back to his car.

--

Toji never forgot his manners, and despite the circumstances he still opened the door for you and laid out a blanket over the cold leather seats of the back of his sedan. However, there was a sense of urgency as he put everything together, finishing and gently pushing you into the back seat. Although the car was pretty spacious, the moment Toji climbed in after you, the absolute behemoth of a man made the car feel pretty cramped. Despite this, he tried to ensure your comfort.

“I know it’s not ideal, princess, but I can’t wait until we get home. And it seems like you can’t either.” His sultry voice teases you, as he starts pulling off some of your wet clothes. He leaves kisses in a trail down your neck, then your chest, and stopping above your waistband. “Do you want this, doll?” He questions as his hands start tugging at the band of your leggings. Your body should be cold with the wet clothes, but you only feel heat radiating in your core. You nod your head, meeting his hands and trying to hurry and take the rest of your clothes off.

Toji clicks his tongue. “Good girls use their words.” You feel a surge of what felt like electricity as the words ‘good girl’ left his mouth.

“Yes.. daddy.. please…” You try to hide your face in your elbow, anything to save you from the embarrassment.

“Good girl.” He whispers into your ear, thumbs hooking the waistband of your pants. “You sound so cute when you say that, doll.” He pulls off your leggings, leaving you with only the thin, but soaked, fabric of your panties.

He plants more kisses on your inner thigh before teasing you with a finger, panties still on. He rubs your wet slit, noting how soaked you are. Your little moans are music to his ears, as he continues rubbing your cunt through the thin fabric.

“Please, fuck, daddy… more…” You squirm under his touch, trying to press against him for more friction.

“Someone’s an eager little slut, isn’t she? You want daddy that bad, huh?” He taunts, pulling your panties to the side in a lewd attempt to expose your cunt. He spits on his fingers before slipping one inside – not that he would need any with how much you’re dripping for him.

His thick finger is about a knuckle deep and he can already notice how tight you are. “Fuck, baby. Are you a virgin?” You look up at him with wide eyes, nodding. He leans down to give you another kiss. “Perfect.”

He is gently fucking you with his finger, trying to loosen your tight hole a bit. He inserts another finger, feeling you stretch to accommodate him. “You’re doing great, sweetheart.” He purrs as he picks up speed, drilling into your cunt with ferocity. His other hand moves to your core, before his thumb flicks over your clit.

He rubs your button, watching as you make the sweetest faces and the cutest noises. He draws circles around it, causing your hips to buck forward as he continues to fingerfuck your hole. He’s watching you intently, studying everything about you and taking you in.

Any pain or discomfort you felt while he was stretching you quickly disappeared and was replaced by mind numbing pleasure, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. His skilled fingers played your body like an instrument, every movement perfect in its speed, angle, and intensity.

“Who’s my good little girl?” He asks you, expecting an answer while looking down at your already fucked out face.

“I am, daddy!” You answer back, not wasting any time. His fingers curl inside of you, pushing a moan out of you.

His hand on your clit pulls away to lift your chin. “You’re what? Answer me fully, slut.” He says as he spits in your mouth. “Swallow it like a good girl, then answer me properly.”

You do as you’re told. “I’m your good girl, daddy.” He smirks at this, before resuming his touch on your clit. His fingers inside of you hit your sweet spot, pushing you over the edge and causing you to tighten around him.

“Is my slutty little girl gonna cum for me? Yeah? It’s that good already?” His words do nothing but edge you on, forcing you to cum harder than you ever have.

You’re panting by the end of it, already dazed at how amazing it felt. But Toji is just getting started. He pulls down the waist band of his pants, with his briefs following right after. His cock springs free from its confinement. He groans as the cold air touches it.

Normally he’d need more foreplay, but playing with your body and the taboo of the situation were more than enough to make his cock leak precum, anxiously awaiting your cunt. “Daddy has been waiting for this… be a good girl and show him that you love him, doll.”

He wastes no time in pushing the head of his cock against your entrance, spitting on his cock before slipping inside. The tip alone is enough to stretch you beyond what you thought were your limits. Despite the size, he makes sure to take his time for you to get used to it. He can tell it hurts with the tears that are forming. He leans down to place a gentle kiss on you, caressing your cheek as he pushes his large cock ever so deeper inside.

“You’re taking it so well already, sweetheart. It’s like you’re made for me.” He groans as he feels you relax around him. He’s about halfway in now. “I know what you and Megs did….” Your eyes grow wide at his comment. “It’s okay, princess, I know you’re a little whore who can’t get enough. I’m just glad I get to be the first to fill you.” He grins as he forces the rest of his thick cock inside. “It’s almost like you were waiting for me, huh? My little girl, so patient for her daddy…” He coos.

The pain slowly subsides, albeit not completely. You’re too heated in the moment to care about the pain as he quickly picks up pace, pulling out and slamming back in. You whimper every time, only driving Toji wilder with how perfect you are for him.

He starts to ram into your tight cunt as he reaches over and places a hand around your neck. He grips it tightly, enough to put pressure but not completely block airflow. “Such a good fucking toy… take it like a good girl, yeah?” He purrs, bruising your womb with the tip of his cock. He releases his grip on your neck after a few moments, letting you catch your breath again.

Toji fucks you faster, groaning at the tightness of your walls. He pulls your legs up to his shoulders as he presses deeper into you, matching your out of breath state. He’s drilling into you, chasing his own end as he feels your walls tighten around him. “Gonna cum again, darling. Such a dirty girl.”

He reaches his hand to your chin again. “Open,” he commands as he spits into your mouth. “Good girl.” His dominance delivers you your second orgasm of the day, and Toji feels your body tense up as you do so. “Fuuuuck baby, it’s like your cunt is trying to milk my cock-“ He can barely finish his sentence as he feels his cum come gushing out. You feel your walls being painted white, getting filled up with his cum.

“Such a good girl,” he praises. “Are you on the pill?” You nod. He probably should have asked that first, but who cares, certainly not you in your fucked out state. He kisses you again before pulling out and and pushing your panties back in place. “Try not to spill any, doll. And just so you know, I don’t mind if my little girl wants to play with Megs. As long as you remember that you belong to Daddy at the end of the day, you can have as much fun as you’d like, doll.”

--

‹𝟹 notes: ch 5 soon! lmk what y'all think!! feedback is always appreciated &lt;3

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‹𝟹 notifs: @vvxxccaa @arylaa @starshipxoxo

ʚ join my notifs ɞ

(･ω･)つ divider creds to @/cafekitsune and @/eloquentreverie

[ecto-hazard]

I just rewatched ii s1 (fucked up right?)

im just gonna make a post compiling some barebones concepts that im curious about. cause with the latest reveal, im wondering how much previous stuff might become relevant.

Obviously this was made years ago by a bunch of kids so its possible that most of the details can be disregarded as random bullshit. It does seem like they put a lot of work in creating retcons though so I have reason to believe theyre building off their previous work on purpose but i could be wrong and thats fair. im gonna post about it anyway tho

ii16 spoilers discussed under the cut

Who Mephone created (or rather, didn't create)

Mephone supposedly made every contestant for the show, but there's a couple vague characters.

Fan: weirdly enough he's in a gray area cause he appears as a background character before s2, but he also glitched out in that one episode, so its unlikely he wasnt created by Mephone. But yknow.

Apple: Apple is a fan character who was submitted to the show, and this is addressed in canon. It's possible that mephone made her and the other fan contestants based on whatever the submitters asked?

Bow: she randomly shows up after an ad read. Mephone doesnt seem to even want her to join, but he receives a call from Adam to insist she join. Mephone seems quite resistant to the idea (which would be weird if he made her?) Most interestingly, she's the only one in this list that Mephone couldn't recover.

Dough MIGHT be one mephone didnt create, but it seems pretty likely that Mephone would create him as he was specifically requested by adam to get bow back. Dough does seem like something he'd throw together really quickly to cover his ass

The reason any of this could be relevant is that if they arent created by Mephone, they probably cant be deleted by Cobs.

Adam

Stuff about Adam (the character not the guy) has been kinda quiet lately? He was supposedly the producer of ii, and pays mephone apparently? He clearly has a role to play since he showed up in one of Mephone's memories and seems to be a creation by cobs. So observing his actions in s1 might be valuable, especially since cobs would be able to manipulate the show through him.

Some notable actions of his:

Insisting on Bow being in the show. This is doubly interesting if Bow isn't one of Mephone's creations. She could be an industry plant of some kind?

Telling Mephone to keep 4S out of the season finale. This is supposedly to keep the finale from going crazy. If Mephone had been successful, he wouldve been killed by Mephone 5. Its possible this was on purpose so 4 could be destroyed and replaced

Investing in another season. at the end of s2, despite things going wrong, he tells Mephone they're going to do another season. He sweetens the deal by offering a raise and agreeing to get Mephone an assistant (Toilet). Cobs clearly got invested in this show, so it makes sense he'd encourage more of it from the shadows.

Mephone 4S

Yeah talking about 4S isn't anything new, the fandom's obsessed with him. I am too.

The implications of Mephone4 being in 4S's body never really got explored in s2. I guess they were similar enough that it didn't really matter. But he clearly still has some relevance in the modern series. One of Mephone's memories shows him getting developed as a replacement for 4, and he actually appears in Invitational, Sorta? Clearly Mephone's bothered by the sacrifice he made.

At the very least, the show's reminding us that he existed, so maybe he still does exist? I don't think he's going to necessarily make a comeback or anything but I dunno. It seems like he might be able to talk to Mephone in his head so maybe there's something to that.

Evil Paper

Im just gonna be upfront that I don't have a dissociative disorder and its not my place to talk about how it works or what is good or bad representation so I'm not gonna get super deep into talking about this. I'm just curious if the team has any plans for addressing Evil Paper. They seemed to make an effort into writing Yin Yang more thoughtfully (whether or not they actually succeeded, again, not my say). I could see them giving Paper similar treatment. If they did I doubt it'd be very plot relevant though.

Is the Taco we got the Taco we were supposed to have?

I've actually seen this conversation circulate a little bit already. This sort of debate could apply to any character really, but Taco is perhaps the most interesting example because she's so involved in the latest episodes AND because Brian actually addressed a tweet about this.

Taco behaves like a goofy idiot for the majority of s1, only revealing at the end that she was faking it so she would make it to the end. She specifically says she was "built to win" (the quote Brian addresses), and shows a much more competent side when she actually competes. In fact if it weren't for Bow's interference, Taco would have won the challenge (another case of Bow being weird).

This all seems to imply that Taco may have been intended to win the series by Mephone. Cobs points out to Suitcase and Knife that Mephone had "high hopes" for them, so it's not unreasonable to say that maybe certain characters were liked over others. Mephone never seems to give special treatment openly, but that doesn't mean that when he made certain contestants he didn't at the very least expect them to do well.

What is highly unlikely though is that Taco was created to be a twist villain. This results in Mephone's death after all (though the activity of Bow and Mephone 5 also could be to blame). Especially since he had pressure from Adam to keep things running smoothly, it just wouldn't make sense that Mephone would specifically create someone to toss a wrench in things. Most likely Taco developed like this on her own accord.

But that also raises the question, if she wasn't meant to be a villain, what was she supposed to be? How much of the taco we have now is the Taco that Mephone created? We don't actually see how he reacts to her "reveal" because he's in the middle of running away from 5. But everyone else clearly never saw it coming. OJ specifically comments that this doesn't seem like "the Taco he's been competing with all this time," and while that's written in reference to her reveal, it also could mean she WASNT the Taco he'd been competing with. We do get a hint or two of her true self in previous episodes, but its possible she wasn't ever supposed to be like that.

I think its possible Mephone4 created her as a goofy goober joke character initially, and over time, she changed. She developed into a more tactful and villainous character with her exposure to the contest.

A few things in the most recent episodes might allude to this. One thing being how in ii15 she discusses how she became aware of how much the contest is changing everyone, herself included. Secondly, in ii16 she tells Pickle that at the time she didn't consider how her actions were going to hurt him. This is a really shitty apology and no excuse for it, but it ALSO could mean that at the time, Taco really didn't think about it. In S1, she claims that she was just using him, but we don't know how aware of herself she was back then. Its possible that there was a past version of Taco who wasn't deadset on winning no matter the cost, and being in the game changed her.

Anyway these have been my slopthoughts. It's like 9 pm and ive been writing this for like an hour. Maybe most of this wont get addressed at all in the series, but I figured i might as well compile it down since I just finished s1

[accio-victuuri]

selfie points, custom red envelope, joint celebration rumors & AU pairings 🧧🎉🎉

happy CNY to all of you! it’s a happy day for the fandom and not even because of candies— but due to fans making so many content as new year gifts. i have personally enjoyed the photos and video edits of AU pairings. you can check this round-up for the links of those posts so you can enjoy all of it 🫶🏼

the best way to start this post is to clown over xz’s CNY selfie. this is usual for zz, posting one during this day and every year, we tend to speculate over it so this is a tradition already. lol. anyway, i wanna explain more on the caption and the exclamation he was using: 龘龘龘龘！

thank you to baidu for explaining and it makes sense now why he used it: 龘 (pronounced as dá, ㄉㄚˊ [7] ) is a Chinese character with the radical dragon, a variant of "龖" , and the meaning of the character refers to the shape of a flying dragon.

dragon fits because it’s the year of the dragon and he also used an emoji for that. his hand was also posed as the claw of a dragon. 🐲

now back to candies related to this selfie...

people are saying that this was taken using his wechat camera and in selfie mode. which, like what we usually cpn, is because he was sending it to someone else. what we got is another leftover selfie. another one is what’s drawn/reflected in his eye? if you’ve been here long enough, you may be familiar with people saying that ZZ will edit his eyes to show something else. there were examples before that were kinda believable but i personally think it’s a stretch. xz is definitely an artist who loves to hide things in his art, which includes his photos so it is probable. i just don’t know how far he will take it. what fans are comparing it to as possible reference are the two: happy camp hand stand or a photo of wyb in SDC 6.

my favorite part tho is the second photo shared. i always feel like if xz is only giving us 2 photos, then it means something. the selfie makes sense— but the other one? i actually expected him to share a photo of food that he is eating. anyway, it’s a winterberry ( one of it’s names ) and is a known means health and longevity, no illness or disaster, suitable for decorating during spring festival it is believed to bring happiness and good luck.

this is seen frequently in relation to ZZ:

One old cpn we have is that WYB gives him this in bouquets for his filming wrap up events knowing that he likes it. maybe not exactly how it looks but what it means. most popular being during OOL. He posted a different bouquet from what was given to him by the crew as per the wrap up bts video 👀 so why? what’s so important? was he trying to make someone happy? that is mostly explained in the last part of this post.

the speculation is he included that because wyb gave it to him. or that he gifted it to WYB, who took a photo of it and sent it back to him so he is sharing as well. wait… where did we get that idea? 🤔

again, another galaxy brain observation… the wall. it’s not the most unique kind of wall and it’s hard to tell in wyb’s video— but this video went on HS today as wyb’s new year greeting. so it kinda makes sense that gg will use that clue. wherever this was taken, probably wyb’s office, that’s where he placed the flowers. mister photographer wyb then took a photo and sent it to zz to show his appreciation for it.

lastly, a tiny clue from yibo-official is the emoji they used for their cny greeting. does it look familiar????

AHHHHHHH! What a coincidence!!!! 👀

to add this “emoji clue” in his photo that includes this hat. this freakin hat that launched a ton of cpn posts. interesting….

NEXT IS YBO’s custom red envelope cover for this year. They also did this last year, which we also clowned over.

black panther is something that in this fandom is widely accepted cpn was made by xz. and it’s still there. the panther looks like he has something that looks like what xz wore and drew before. also those personal connections to wyb like the 85 and skateboard, which i understand is a common yibo element and anyone can just add it. personally, i think xz did the panther on the shoulder only. 🤍

I will lightly discuss the rumor going around cpfs, especially the morning of 2/9 when cpfs have noticed that both zz and wyb have turned off their ip address locator on douyin. this usually means they don’t want people to know where they are. there are rumors that zz’s parents already arrived in Hengdian the night before 2/8 and that wyb + his parents are also going to HD so the whole joint family can spend CNY together ♥️

tho i have to say HD is a populated place, but i feel like most people will have the day off and the two are so careful so they won’t get caught. Treat this as fanfic for now. if this is true, we will clues in the next months. that’s just how turtle cpns go.

-END.

[xruiiii-blog]

Some ghouls come in pairs and they are giving heavy sidling vibes…

These are just for fun!!! Some hc my friends and I shared:)) forgive my English too…I tried🤷‍♀️!

Swiss & Rain-They are not blood siblings but they’ve been by each other’s side for as long as they can remember. There’s an age gap, they act completely different, into different things, but there are times where they look like each other’s reflection. The pit was a tough memory for both of them but luckily they had each other.

That being said, They will do stupid pranks to the other one and it’s only funny to themselves. No one beside them will understand what the hell is going on. They won’t even stop giggling during practices this sometimes pisses Copia off…but they are his ghouls so he can’t do anything about it. Usually Swiss’ the one who started them. Rain only pays back if he’s bored/got irritated, most of the time he lets it slide.

Ifrit & Zephyr-They are twins! They can be very handful sometimes…the intention was nice(ended badly bc one of them accidentally messed up or got too carried away, drag the other one with them). They are free spirit. Don’t even try n tell them to behave or what to do cuz they always end up doing their own thing. Follow the instructions was never an option. If you trust them on whatever they’re about to do then that’s a promise, they sure knows how to deliver. Usually Ifrit suggests an idea and comes up with a “plan” but then Zeph is the one who’s actually doing all the work…

Rare occasions they get time-out from Terzo. They will start behaving for a week at most. Ifrit has to spend a day or two convincing Zeph to be on his side again. They are the sweetest boys tho, always trying to cheer their papa up and lighten the mood. If papa didn’t like it, try something new. Terzo secretly enjoyed their company. It feels like home when these two hanging around(even if he had to cover his ears or screams “put that down!”) Terzo gets complaints from sisters about these two running down the hall all the time. Besides a disappointed gaze, Terzo never actually punish them, ever.

Aurora & Phantom-baby bat siblings! Aurora is probably minutes or seconds older than Phantom and she won’t ever let this go. There’re A LOT of pillow fights, back and forth arguments about nothing, constantly screaming each other’s name for no reason in the ghoul dorms right after they’re summoned. Copia had to sit both of them down for a chat but ending up realizing there’s nothing he can do from this point on. They’re fine, it’s a sibling thing. The ghouls are on their own now.

(Quick side explaining: our lore is that ghoulettes and ghouls are not coming from the same place. Ghoulettes are like witches?? Their community are tight, function more like merceners, papa had to go hire from the witches. Ghouls are…ghouls. They are from hell, the pit, they can be owned I guess?? Make a living in the pit it’s all on ur own. Doesn’t matter where u from, working with/for the clergy, next to papa is always a pleasure, an honor. A sacred chance for anyone. Exceptions always exist, Mist is a ghoulette but she’s from the pit. Phantom in this case, was adopted by the witches and lives among them, so this makes him a half-witch I guess…there are some ghoul behaviors he simply doesn’t understand, Aether prepared him after his summoning but there’re still alotttt to process. He’s an exchange student if u will. )

If Phantom ever felt frustrated, Aurora is the first person he goes to, and vises versus. Aurora will call Phantom her baby brother only when tommy is not around. They are still on the young side so everyone is looking out for them. They never been on Earth before so they are super hyped about everything. Blew up the kitchen couple times but they were forgiven after a sincere apology. Will you ever say no or stay mad towards a baby bat who love you with all their heart?? That’s right, I don’t think so.

I haven’t read much of the lores in the fandom if there’s similar ones oops!! We have similar tastes I guess! I don’t own any of these they are all just for fun. Thanks for reading and tolerating my on going struggle with writing! Hearts to all the writers out there, idk how y’all did this, it’s so damn hard💀.

u guys’ stuff actually makes sense, mines don’t lol

FYI my drawing always have them in these dynamic as well! These became canon to me…I just love seeing ghouls messing around…

[autumnbrambleagain]

Do you have any other literary (I think thats the right term in this context?) works publicly viewable? Proselytize is still kicking around my mind and I find the way you write fascinating

Long answer no with a yet, short answer yes with a but!

Most of my actual serious effort-works aren't online because I just honestly don't know what to do with them. My biggest is a story called the story with ruth in it, which, before revisions, was sitting at 337,000 words. I started that back in 2011 and did NOT have a solid plan until the end, so the early sections especially ended up being a super sloppy mess.

I'm still in the process of going through and kind of rewriting it from the base up to be a lot more internally coherent! Some of the writing is 10+ years old in there and not nearly as good as my current stuff, but at its core it's pretty decent! It deals with a lot of what Proselytize would in different scales: what it means to have an outsized amount of power and be able to affect the world with almost no consequences and how fucked up that ends up being. While that was a side-theme in Proselytize it's the main theme there.

I have no idea what on earth to do with it when I'm done with my rewrite because it's going to end up at over 350,000 words and it isn't fandom-related so I don't know if Ao3 is a good place for it (i know you can put original works up there but also they say to not do that so like ? ? ?) but i have no illusions of getting something this weird published so I might just put it online somewhere if we all live that long!

I have a bunch of scattered storysnippets on my furaffinity (obvious obligatory warning about linking to the furry porn website) but the problem with that is they're very much scattered bits and also some of them are a lot more darker than Proselytize or more X-rated and also none of them really ever got finished (i'm very serious about the darker warning my gallery has some of that old school ultraviolence and what-have-you the deeper back in the past you go into it (we've gone through like 5 different character arcs but we keep the same furaffinity so you go back far enough and it's essentially a different person's gallery after certain points))

the problem is, i can like. i can doodle. i am not an artist. and people on furaffinity mostly care about 1: furry porn art, and 2: see 1. so most of the projects i have on there kind of stall out once i start getting diminishing returns of like, 4 people looking at something i spent hours on writing. ive recently just given up on making stuff for FA for a while in frustration.

especially since, like, if i DONT doodle something as a "cover image" for a story upload, it gets like, 80% less views, which translates from like 30 people looking at it to 4 people looking at it.

BUT.

i still stand by Yhelm's Story in there which isn't complete (because, again, writing for an audience of 4 is kind of depressing) but which is a fun bunch of mess about a local crimedog and her sex-shifting songferret partner dealing with the consequences of their life of organized crime. Hits with themes of family abandonment, generational trauma, romances that you know are a bad idea but you do it anyway, racism, trying to not be the bad guy while being the bad guy, and existing in a really fucking weird fantasy world which is normal to everyone but the reader.

her overall gallery is here (linking to the second page of it) but to actually read it chronologically it you would have to go to the back of the gallery and read from the back forward and there's also just a lot of doodles mixed in. a lot of the writing is in the image descriptions. like a lot of the images in her gallery are just basically chapter-cover-images to trick people into clicking and WOOPS. now there's a story you're scrolling through.

it's not really very navigation friendly but that's furaffinity unfortunately!

watch this space (tumblr) for announcements on future writing projects i guess tho!

[worldismyne]

Iceberg Bing for layer 3 and 4.

My memory is really bad, so some of these might have already appeared in earlier layers.

AMVs - Either specific songs that were popular to use in the fandom, or any fanmade content from during the manga's run that was popular

Soul and Maka Split up - Apparently this interpretation of Maka and Soul's final discussion in the manga is a hot take. There was a lot going on in the final chapter, but here are the phrases from the manga that gave me that impression.

Will cross this box off for any analysis from that final chapter tho.

Thompson Twins - Can't remember if this specific reference was pointed out, but stands in for any pop culture references brought to light.

The Dress - This is a newer development, but at some point this dress got listed on Devil Inspired and advertised heavily on instagram.

A bunch of Chrona cosplayers independently saw it and adopted it. (There were at least 3 or 4 at the first con I went to after it was listed). It's so prolific I've seen it in fanart of Chrona now.

Mary Shelly Theory - Saw someone in the tag a while back theorize Marie might be an allusion to Mary Shelly. It would add a layer to the electricity power outside of the Mjolnir reference.

New Art - Any mention of the 20th anniversary drops. (It didn't fit well in the square)

Purple/Pink Gate - Another one I can't remember if it's already been covered. Despite most fan artists color picking a dusty rose for Crona's hair, lavender wigs are still more common for cosplayers. I am a pink wig truther.

Shinobi - Okay, this is a PS2 game that predates the manga by two years. The main mechanic is a katana that sucks the lifeforce/soul of the user unless it's constantly fed other souls. I am fairly sure this is the inspiration of the uncanny sword. Even the cover art gives post time skip vibes.

If not, both pieces of media have to be referencing the same thing.

Zagreus + Dionysus : Death the Kid's role in SE has similarities with the god of the rebirth. Particularly the part of the legends where he's dismembered and eaten. There is some confusion in greek mythology if these are just different names for the same god or just two gods whose roles overlap, thus why I put both names.

Ragnarok - Particularly how he stops being a character after Salvage. Will also check off for mention of the war of the gods.

Merch - There's a lot of merch out there. Apparently they made a speaker inspired by bonus art. I'm sure there's a bunch of official stuff I haven't seen before.

Official Cosplay - There's a few talking points here that come to mind. Like how Soul is the only weapon with an official cosplay prop. Any Spirit, Ragnarok or Tsubaki props you see were made by the cosplayer. Death the Kid rings get sold one at a time, even if they're advertised as a set.

Translations goofs - There's little things like Afreet and Kishen being used interchangeably in the sub. The Witch hunter evolutions have a few different names. I'm sure there's other translation stuff that I don't know about that might pop up.

Demi-god Black Star - Another umbrella square. Black Star's arc towards the end seems to be referencing something specific. Idk what it is, but Marie goes out of her way to put him and Death the Kid on the same level and snubs Maka at the end of the manga.

The Dread Queen - Comparing Chrona to Persephone is really common in the Kirona crowd. After listening to some deeper dives on the topic there's actually precedence for them to be an allusion ancient underworld goddess that predates Persephone and Hades, but not the abduction myth. They're never referred by name only by titles. Crona's name being literally Dark One in Japanese fits with this theme, as well as usually being referred to as the Demon Sword rather than by their given name. This could be more coincidence than anything else though.

Unlocalized content - The iceberg has already covered the games, but there might be audio dramas or other in-character content that didn't make it's way over when SE was popular in the US.

[xandra-is-batshit-insane]

made a Scarlett and The Shakers iceberg! ^_^ what do y'all think? @ace-of-hearts-sats @ace-of-spades-sats3 @ace-of-diamonds-sats @ace-of-clubs-sats

Points explained:

Level 1!

Reason for "and The Shakers": Scarlett said there was already a band named Da Shakerzz >_< so she added her name on front of it and spell it correctly to avoid being confused with that band.

Scarlett and Rudy are dating: Everyone knows that, no need to explain!

Clover is the youngest of the group: This is also a pretty known fact, she's just 19, while the others are all 21 or older

Everyone has worked for Papa Louie atleast once: As simple as that. Scarlett and Rudy worked at the Cheeseria, Marty at the Burgeria and Clover at the Sushiria

Level 2!

SATS made fun of the RFQ: The Romano Family Quartet got made fun off in a playful way in the WTTLO? (Who turned the lights off?) album cover. The 4tet took it nicely and pranked back with the "Opposite day!" album

Remake of Endless Void is better than the original: A big part of the fandom thinks that this is true for various reasons. On my side, both versions are good! ^^

"And I know it's just a rumour" phrase: this has been a recurring phrase in the SATShakers' music, having appeared once in every album from Ying Yang on

Ying Yang was gonna be named different: The album and song were both gonna have different names. One of the chosen names for the album was "Good and Evil" but they changed it since there was already an album under that name; on the topic of the song, it's previous names were "As Double-sided", "Good and Evil" and "good-and-evil-intro-song.mp3"

Level 3!

A Little Too Normal first album covers: This album was gonna have a different cover than the one we know, which is a face made up with pieces of all the members' faces and hair. Most of the unchosen album covers were arrangements of facial features (like the chosen one) but differently.

Rita and Xandra were part of the group: The first 2 years of existence of SATS had the 4 main members and also Rita on backing vocals. I, Xandra, was on the band till the year and 2 months, I played the keyboards and occasionally was the main singer (very few times tho)

The first logo of SATS: The logo used to be a plain, vertically stretched text in lowercase that said "scarlett and the shakers :P" , it was changed after 3 years.

Unreleased songs: These songs were made by SATS and never got into any album. For example, WHAT THE HELL?!, which is the first and only song they made sung by a Vocasyn.

Fans that say "SHAKEREFERENCE!!!1!!1!!11!!" : This is something that the people in the fandom do when they see something that's, in some way, related to SATS.

Level 4!

www.sats-officiaI.com: This is a fake version of the SATS website. Even though it looks like the real one, the L in official is actually an uppercase i. The fake website was taken down after a fan informed Clover about it.

Shady Business Tactics was gonna be in Well-behaved: This is a song that Clover released in her solo album Sushi Salmonella. The song was gonna be in Well-behaved but it didn't make the cut since it didn't fit in with the other songs

Lost Vocasyn covers: On the 1st year of existence on the band, SATS covered some Vocasyn songs. Most of these covers are lost and we only know of their existence because of Vocarank clips. Some of the lost covers are Alix of human sacrifice, Kyu kyurain, One more roll, I'm sorry I'm sorry, Kitsune's marriage, Stop nagging me! and Melt.

Canceled collab with Doom Bruleé: When the band was starting (2 years after SATS), Scarlett proposed a collaboration between SATS and Doom Bruleé. Orion rejected the proposal due to unknown reasons.

The debut album was considered lost media: It was released in 2005 and simply called Scarlett and The Shakers. After 2 more album releases and seeing it wasn't successful, SATS deleted all trace of their debut album on the internet. The problem is that the fans wanted to listen to the album even though it was lost. Hopefully, Rudy had the entire album on a pendrive, which he shared on a forum and posted on UTube.

Extras!

Rudy and Scarlett got beaten up recording a MV: On the recording of the music video for Bad Night, Scarlett and Rudy were beaten up after recording the part where the whole band holds umbrellas outside. Rudy got a black eye and Scarlett lost a tooth and was bleeding out of her mouth a bunch. They ended up recovering well, but no more MV for SATS songs were recorded outside.

20 seconds of Tohru: These are mini segments included in the episodes of The Shakers' Internet Show. They mostly include Tohru goofing around doing her own things, like cooking!

SATS reference in a videogame OST: The 6th release of the videogame series Touhou Project has a song where one of the parts sounds like the guitar solo in WHAT THE HELL?! . The song in the OST is And then there were none!.

Everyone in the band has side projects: All the current members of Scarlett and The Shakers have side projects related to music. Rudy goes under the name Ruru and released Broken swing, Clover has released Sushi Salmonella under her own name, Marty has a UTube channel for guitar covers of various songs, and Scarlett made an album collaboration with Carlo called Foodini's Fabulous Fashion Flambé.

[flowers-of-io]

end of the year fic asks: 14, 15

14. Two things you want to learn/practice next year

I want to write more original fiction in Polish! I've neglected practicing prose in my own language lately and that causes me some anxiety, so I figure the best way to beat that is just… doing it more. Even tho it's a little scary.

Another thing I'd like to do next year is actually finishing an original story and sending it to some fiction magazines.

15. Two things you've achieved this year that you're most proud of

I GOT PUBLISHED IN A BOOK!!!! LIKE AN ACTUAL PRINTED ONE!!! THAT YOU CAN GET IN A BOOKSTORE!!!! AND THE COVER GLOWS IN THE DARK!!!! I don't wanna doxx my irl name plus it's in Polish anyway (lol) but yeah that happened and it’s still borderline surreal to think about. It's given me a lot of confidence in my writing (even though I don't feel like that particular story is one of my best) and I can say I'm a published author now which is I N S A N E

Hmm another achievement, even if little, was branching out into other fandoms beyond Destiny. I published my first Hollow Knight fic, and got to work on an old (like, 2014 old) idea for a The Sims fic about Ophelia and House of the Fallen Trees. I’m also FINALLY, after years upon years, writing about my original blorbo Bella Goth again, and I'm quite thrilled about it!

[pomegranate]

Im not disagreeing re Trapper Complex and ppl in fandom centering it just a little too much, but there was a whole episode dedicated in part to bj feeling jealous of people (because hes a massively envious guy generally) and the jealousy he feels towards trapper in particular seems pretty consequential. And also the added meta context that bj is structurally there in the narrative to replace trapper in the first place....i understand that its rlly significant. It honestly felt kind of novel to me that a sitcom character felt the strain of his narrative position that way (as klinger also feels replacing radar in the plot structurally) i feel like a lot of sitcoms try to cover the artiface of these scenarios by staunchly avoiding this context, but mash rlly leans into the skid instead (not just how bj demonstrates a bit of diegetic strain from replacing trapper if that makes sense, but also with killing henry and replacing him with potter so that the characters of mash feel the same apprehension and resentment towards potter that the audience inevitably would by virtue of him replacing henry blake regardless of how henry's character left the narrative) I hope this isnt coming off "um, actually" or unfriendly or something btw! In case thats not apparent id like it stated clearly that this is benign. Im very curious of ur thoughts on this matter tho if ur willing to talk on it?

Hey, no worries, I appreciate the opportunity to clarify! I think my frustration with “the Trapper complex” is that it’s an oversimplification and misrepresentation of why BJ might be jealous of Trapper. I think there’s absolutely jealousy, because Trapper got to be close to Hawkeye and build the still with him AND he got to go home and be with his wife and daughters - he got the best of both worlds. BJ’s only at the 4077th because Trapper went home and he’s miserable because he’s missing out on his daughter’s formative years, and there’s nothing he can do about it. So yeah, he’s definitely jealous of him! But I don’t think it’s because Trapper’s dick was bigger or because BJ thinks that Hawkeye liked him more or whatever, which is how I’ve often see it referenced.

This ties into the thing that irritates me most about the Trapper complex, which is that it’s sometimes used as an excuse to sort of … slam on BJ’s character in a way that I think is straight up dull. Essentially, I hate that fandom constantly pits them against each other. I find it exhausting because there’s no “winner” in those debates! Trapper and BJ serve the show well in their own ways during the time that they’re there. Trapper is a great partner for Hawkeye in the early, more satirical seasons and BJ is a great partner for Hawkeye in the later, more dramatic seasons. It’s not any deeper than that. You may like one more than the other, and that’s okay! But I personally think it’s pointless to compare them and suggest that one of them was better than the other, and too frequently the Trapper complex seems to come up in that context, as though it proves some kind of point about which character is better.

Just wanted to add that the thing that was annoying me & sparked that post in the first place was that multiple people were ignoring the part of the Mike Farrell interview clip where he fully admitted that he was wrong in thinking that the role he would eventually fill wouldn’t be difficult! He owns up to his own hubris and I think that was very sexy of him.

SORRY for the wall of text but I hope this makes my perspective clearer!

OH AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION -

I totally agree that it’s neat that MASH fully acknowledges the characters that came before! It’s great that BJ does show conflicted feelings about who came before him. I just think calling it the Trapper complex does a disservice to what is ultimately a really well-built characterization of a young father who’s been pulled away from his family, is all.

[rodentgoth]

-Murdoc x GN!Reader

Done for anony (I'm sorry this took so fucking long🙏🏾)

Previously on:: "I cannot write a British accent to save my life and that's gonna be a problem since I have a Hobie fic in the works. "

The request was simple, but I went overboard and delayed this by so much (again Sorry) that it hurts 💀

at least I got'er done and I'd like to thank my girlie @candy12110 for helping me a bit I love you bitchhhhh!

Rating:: 18+ // Explicit

Fandom:: Gorillaz

Themes/Kinks:: Car sex . Revenge Sex(???)

They had been on tour for about a month now, and if Murdoc was being fully honest, it was boring. Not that there weren’t any fun moments, seeing your fans scream and shriek was always a delight. Getting drunk backstage with groupies, wasn’t bad either. The problem was he wasn’t getting laid. Even the birds he brought backstage weren’t putting out. It felt like he was losing his touch, until one very faithful night. 

He was knocked out in his green room. Booze, pills, and half-eaten food littered the floor. His sleep was interrupted by the sound of glass falling and shattering. Despite being awake he barely made an effort to get up, and when the old man eventually sat up,  he wasn’t at all surprised by the scene in front of him. The small window in the room was wide open and right below it was you, mumbling curses under your breath.

 Murdoc wished this was his first time experiencing this, but it wasn’t. He’d seen this exact scene over and over, tho usually by now, there would be a bodyguard or some other staff busting up your face til it bled. But He didn’t mind it, gave him the chance to get a good look at you.

“I-I’m-m So-so sorry!”You stuttered out an apology as you stood there, jittering slightly.

 He got up and slowly walked over to you, eyes still covered in craters.

Despite him being short for his age, he did tower over you. He looked down to see a strange mix of fear and excitement plastered on your face. Which he actually found kind of cute.

He kneeled down grabbing a piece of the broken glass, chuckling as he stared at it.

“This was my dad’s old scotch bottle,”

He spoke in a weirdly calm voice and glanced up at you.

The excitement you had was replaced with worry, and he was loving every bit of it.

Murdoc gently grabbed the most intact piece off of the floor, and as soon as he got back up, he threw it at you. You flinched a bit as the glass sped past and hit the wall next to you.

“Good thing I nevah’ liked the bastard!”

He shouted, returning to his normal tone of voice.

He looked back at you, your mouth was slightly agape, eyes wide, and you looked more confused than ever.

“You know it’s rude not to knock.”

He said smirking, as he kicked the rest of the broken bottle to the side.

You stared at him, looking like a puppy that had just lost its mother.

“...I-I-” You began to stammer before he finally cut in.

“Use your words, love.”

“I-I just really wanted to meet you.” You stood there fidgeting with your t-shirt.

“Well, congrats,” He walked up to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. You started to quiver a bit under his touch.

“You did it ya crazy bird!”

He congratulated, before going to sit back on the couch

For a moment you just…stood there, still quivering and shaking, not saying a single word.

“So…did ya’ just break in for a free meet and greet or,”

He spread his legs a bit showing off the beer gut he’d developed, pants unbuttoned showing the hem of his boxers.

“Did ya come for something else?”

“U-Uh well I, fu-Fuck, I actually d-did have something else I…god-d”

You continued to stammer on until he yelled out.

“Out with it, already!”

You jumped back a bit before finally blurting out what you wanted.

“I wanna have sex with you!”

Murdoc almost busted out laughing at how direct they were but managed to compose himself.

“Well, all ya had to do is ask-”

“Not here.” You interrupted 

“Okay then, where?”

He tilted his head, in a bit of confusion.

“There’s a car park not far from here, we can do it there.”

You began to turn back trying to climb back out the window when you felt a sharp nail tap your backside. You turned around to see the green man pointing towards the dressing room entrance.

“We could jus’ use the door ya know?”

He said looking up at you with a mix of concern and held back laughter. 

You responded with a simple “oh”, before hopping back down, and apologizing.

He chuckled, grabbing a coat off the costume rack, and guiding you out the room.

He guided you the rest of the way until you were both out on stage. To both your relief none of the crew seemed to notice you escape. After that, it was less than a few blocks before you were outside a parking garage connected to an office building. You grabbed his hand running by rows and rows of cars, before stopping at a black one. You went up to the car lock digging in your pocket for a bit, pulling out a hair clip. You inserted it into the keyhole and jiggled it around a bit, but you couldn’t get it open. You looked back to see Murdoc raising an eyebrow, not out of worry, but rather judgment. The type of look a pro-football coach would have after seeing their star player fall on their ass.

“Gimme that!”

He snatched the clip from you and began wiggling it in the lock, after a few seconds you heard the click of the car door opening.

He pulled the door all the way open, gesturing for you to get in first.

You hopped in and crawled into the backseat, and the older man followed.

You were quick to go in and kiss him. He barely flinched at your sudden movement, in fact, he kissed back violently. His tongue slithered deep into your throat and he was surprised by your lack of gag reflex.

After a minute of swapping spit, you broke the kiss, moving your hands down towards his crotch. Your hands fumbling with the zipper of his pants.

“So…” He began to speak, as he put his hands over yours helping with the zipper.

“Ya gonna tell me whose car this is, or is the mystery of it what gets ya off?”

After he asked, you finally managed to get the zipper down and pull off his boxers.

"It's an ex's."

You responded bluntly as you pulled down your own pants.

You pulled him closer to you and he started to line himself up with your entrance.

"He cheated on me, so I thought I'd give him the ultimate f-fuck-!" Your explanation was interrupted by a feeling of being filled. You felt yourself being stretched out, in ways you've never felt before 

You let out a symphony of moans and whimpers.

Murdoc gave you a condescending smile.

"Aww, is this ya first time?"

He asked, not even giving you a moment to answer before starting to steadily thrust in and out of you.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure it's unforgettable!"

With that, his thrusts went from slow and steady to hard and violent.

Your mind was going blank. So much was going on in your head but sweet satan did his dick made you wanna just forget. 

Forget the fact that your ex dumped you over text. 

Forget that he flaked on you every time you agreed to go out to fuck some hussy. 

Forget that you’ll probably get arrested if you get caught like this.

It was all worth it to be getting your guts rearranged like this, even if it meant getting every possible venereal disease.

A few cars drove by, some sped off without a glance, and others seemed to slow down to get a better view. You lowered yourself further until your face practically melded with the seats, before feeling a hand tangle in your hair and rip you up from your hiding place.

"What's all this about, eh? I thought ya wanted your ex to know about ya gettin’ railed in ‘is car. Can't find out if you hide that pretty face of yours."

"But-ut I-I-," 

"It's alright love, I'll help ya out.” He pulled you up further till your face was clearly visible from the back window. "Make a pretty face for all the nice people. Maybe one of them will send ‘im a picture." 

You moaned at the thought of your ex receiving a picture of you defiling his precious car and becoming the joke of the year when all his little buddies recognized you. Sad to say it turned you on more than your entire relationship ever did.

"I can't say he'll regret dumping you but he'll definitely regret ever meetin’ you,"

With one last thrust, you felt a stream of cum pump into you. At this point, you weren’t even moaning you were just howling. Eventually, you came down from your sexual high and noticed he was starting to pull out. 

“Ya know…He doesn’t get off for another 10 minutes or so…”

You said slowly pushing yourself back down onto his cock.

“You up for another round?”

Without a hint of hesitation, he began thrusting into you. He laughed before turning you around and folding your legs up to drill into you. 

"Would never say no to such a sweet request. How much do you think we can ruin his seats before he comes?"

[shelby-fangirl00]

Hi darl, I'm so happy to see a new writer for the fandom! I'm Lee and I write for most Peaky characters. I esp adore Tommy tho and I'm curious to know what you'd do with this prompt: "Sing for me." "What would you like to hear?"

Hello! XD I'm so sorry for the late reply, I just had a bit of trouble with this one for some reason! But I had a fun time writing! I'm a little unsure of this but I hope you can enjoy it! Thank you so much for the request, you're the best :)

Word Count: 2359

The song below is incorporated into this story, just for reference.

Sing For Me

The sun poured in through the large windows, creeping through the thin sheets I used to cover my face. I woke up to loud car engines coming through the circular driveway. Being an au pair here at the Arrow House was, of course an absolute gift. It was unlike any place I had ever worked before. But it was also very empty here. The only sounds that floated through the halls are from the maids and Charlie.

 I was hired in a few months after the passing of Mrs. Shelby. I like to imagine that when she was here, the house was lively, something I had never seen before. This mansion felt like an empty museum. I wondered often what life was like around here for Mr. Shelby and Charlie before I was needed. It would bring me comfort to know that they were both truly happy at one time. 

As I walked out of my room and into the hallway, I could hear Charlie rustling around in his bed in the next room over. His door was cracked open slightly. As I peered in to greet him, I saw that he was still sleeping, tossing and turning.

Suddenly, he started to weep. He was in some sort of distress it seemed like. 

‘Charlie…Charlie love, wake up.’ I whispered while I gently shook his arms. 

When he finally opened his eyes to look at me, he started to cry even harder. 

‘Shhhh shhh Charlie…it’s alright dear. It’s just a scary dream.’ I consoled. He often woke up like this. Frances warned me about it when I first got here. He has these night terrors often, ever since his mother died. He was barely two years old at this point. 

Charlie continued to cry harder, becoming louder. It was still quite early, so I worried that I’d wake Mr. Shelby, who was next door. 

Now that I’ve come to understand Charlie, I had a few tricks up my sleeve that I knew to calm him down. He seemed to like when I sang to him. I sang him some of my favorite songs or a song that was stuck in my head. Other times, I would just hum to him and he would drift back to sleep. 

Charlie extended his small, puffy arms in an attempt for me to hold him. I reached out, placing him on my lap. He wrapped himself around me, squeezing around my neck as he clung to me, lying his soft head on my shoulder. 

I began to rock, rubbing his back in an attempt to sooth him. I quietly began to sing a song that he usually responded well to. 

‘I am dreaming dear of you, day by day

 Dreaming when the skies are blue, When they're gray

 When the silv'ry moonlight gleams, Still I wander on in dreams  In a land of love, it seems, Just with you  Let me call you "Sweetheart," I'm in love with you.’

Before I could even finish the song, Charlie’s sniffles stopped and his body became limp, drifting back to sleep. 

I held him there a few moments longer, enjoying the embrace of the child I had grown to love and care for. As the minutes passed, there was a small creak from Charlie’s door. 

I looked up expecting to see Frances, but instead, a disheveled Mr. Shelby stood in his night clothes. His billowy white shirt and boxers. 

I immediately averted my gaze from him, feeling like I was intruding on his privacy, even though he was the one who barged in.  

‘Everything alright? I heard Charlie crying again.’ He said so quietly, as to not wake him.

I very quickly and carefully placed Charlie back into his small bed, covering him with a blanket before standing up. 

‘I apologize if we woke you, Mr. Shelby. Charlie just had another bad dream I believe. He’s settled in now sir.’ I said as I stood in front of him, eyes doing their best to avoid him. He was a very intimidating man to be around. 

‘No need for an apology dear. Would you mind leaving me with him for a little while?’ He questioned. 

I couldn’t help but to look at him and smile before answering. I liked seeing him spend time with his son. He needed his father more than he needed me. 

‘Of course, sir. I’ll be downstairs in the library if you need me.’ 

                                                            ------

Charlie and I spent most of the day in the stables. He loved being outside more than the empty house, so I usually had a picnic made up for us out on the large property. He was the only person I really ever saw or spoke to these days, but I don’t mind, he is great company and always keeps me entertained. I just hope I do the same for him. I can tell that he misses his father.

It was winding down towards the end of the night. Charlie had been asleep for well over an hour by now. I had just finished helping Frances clean up in the kitchen. With nothing else to do, I decided to head upstairs to my bedroom.

As I headed down the long hall towards the stairs, I passed Mr. Shelby’s large office. The tall and dark door was wide open, which was out of ordinary. A low light crept out of the doors and on the hallway walls. As I walked by, I glued my eyes on the wooden floor. 

Just as I passed the door frame, I heard his deep voice call my name from inside the room. My stomach tightened as I realized I had never been alone with Mr. Shelby and I was petrified for it to happen. 

‘What can I do for you, Mr. Shelby?’ I practically mumbled out as I stood in the doorway, too scared to enter.  

He was sitting casually on the edge of his desk with a glass of whiskey in hand. His sleeves were rolled up his arms sloppily. His expression didn’t give away what he wanted from me. He was expressionless. 

‘Shut the door please.’ He commanded. 

I did as he asked, fear creeping up my stomach, into my chest. 

‘I heard you and Charlie this morning. I heard you singing to him.’

Was he offended by my practice? Did I cross a line? 

Your cheeks flushed red as the embarrassment set in.

‘Oh…yes, it’s just something I do when he has his nightmares. If…if you want me to stop-

‘Does he like it when you sing?’  He questioned, his voice becoming a bit softer when talking about his son. 

‘I believe it does. It stops his crying, at least. But it mostly puts him to sleep.’ I giggled out, smiling in his direction while talking about Charlie. 

Thomas studied my face a few seconds, chuckling to himself. A small smile crossed his face too, which was new. His dimples peaked out from each cheek. I liked seeing him smile. 

‘Well then, please don’t stop. I’m happy that it brings him some comfort.’ 

 There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before he spoke again. 

‘You drink whiskey?’ Asking as he strutted over to a cart full of liquor by his desk. 

‘If you’re offering, thank you.’ 

I studied his broad shoulders and back as he poured out the drink, then headed towards me.

I had never been so close to him before as he stood a foot away from me, extending the glass out for me to take. 

He blue eyes never left my face as I threw back the glass, the dark liquid warming up my insides. 

‘So, you like to sing?’ he asked, leaning back on his desk again. I inhaled deeply and took a few steps closer to him, closing the now awkwardly large gap between us. 

‘Well, I suppose. Me mum always forced me to sing for her and her friends when I was a little girl. I prefer singing to Charlie over them though. He doesn’t expect much out of me.’ I chuckled while thinking again about Charlie.  

‘I can tell that you care deeply for my son. I called you in here to thank you. He’s been through too much for his age. I am happy to see him happy again.’ He spoke like he was reading off of a piece of paper. Still, I appreciated the recognition. 

‘Of course. I really do love being here with him, even if it is a bit…lonely here sometimes.’ 

 It was easy to see how lonely he was too, without his wife. It broke my heart to know he was hurting. I cared so much for his son that it was hard not to care about him too.  

His eyes looked up from his glass, a surprised expression on his face.

‘I think I know what you mean. It can eat away at ya if you’re not careful though.’ He warned me.

‘You know from experience, I assume?’ I asked sheepishly, prying a little more.

‘Well, of course. I’ve lived in this loneliness for a while now, love.’ He said lowly and plainly as he sipped on his drink. 

‘Right well,’ he declared as he walked around his desk to sit back in his chair, leaving me stranded, feeling exposed in the middle of this large room. 

‘I need to hear more of this voice of yours, since Charlie loves it so much.’

My heart sank with dread. 

‘Sorry?’ I chuckled out with a confused expression covering my face. 

‘Sing for me.’ He affirmed, smiling devilishly, knowing that putting me on the spot like this would make me fluster. 

A few moments passed in complete silence. I shot back the rest of my whiskey  before placing the glass on his desk. I cleared my throat obnoxiously before placing my hands behind my back.

‘What would you like to hear?’

His eyes scanned the length of my body before answering.  I became over aware of my most-likely underwhelming appearance. 

‘What did you sing to the boy today that put him to bed?’

‘Uhm… It’s called ‘Let Me Call You Sweetheart.’ Ya know it?’ 

‘Yes, perfect. Go on then, I insist.’

I smiled at him before taking a deep breath. I opened my mouth to repeat the same song from this morning, wanting to get this over with:

‘I am dreaming dear of you, day by day

 Dreaming when the skies are blue, When they're gray

 When the silv'ry moonlight gleams, Still I wander on in dreams  In a land of love, it seems, Just with you  Let me call you "Sweetheart," I'm in love with you.’

I looked back up at Thomas who was already staring at me, a glimmer in his eyes. 

‘Charlie is right. You’ve got quite a lovely voice, dear.’ He stood up and made his way to stand in front of me again. 

I grinned up at him as to say thank you. 

And a pretty smile as well. You’re very beautiful.’ 

I nearly froze from his words, my breath quickening. 

‘Oh, please. Thank you, but you’re so beautiful, it’s almost annoying, Mr. Shelby.’ I giggled out nervously, hoping I wasn’t being too forward. But he was, so what was the harm?

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

‘Please call me Tommy, love.’ He muttered out.

Without saying another word, Tommy began to push my long and frizzy hair behind my ear. I inhaled sharply as his hand made contact with me. He was definitely coming onto me. Was this appropriate? It was hard to say no to a man like Thomas Shelby. Everything about him was intoxicating.

“Are you going to kiss me, Tommy?’ I whispered, batting my eyes sensually at him as I wetted my lips, pushing my lips passed my teeth.

His hand made its way to lightly tilt my chin up to him before he leaned down to press his warm lips onto mine. I was basically trembling with excitement and a bit of fear. The fear fell off of me as he deepened his kiss. He wrapped his hands around my cheeks and pulled me further into his body. I could feel his muscular chest pressed against mine as he sank into my mouth. I opened the kiss to allow his tongue access inside. He greedily accepted the invitation with more force. The kiss was became so needy.

Without thinking, I threw my hands into his hair and gripped lightly onto his loose brown strands. He moaned softly into my mouth, sending vibrations through my body. 

“Mommy! Mommy!’ Charlie cried out from behind us. My eyes shot wide open as both Tommy and I practically sprung off of each other. 

Charlie ran up to me with tears in his eyes, clinging to my legs and squeezing.

Completely flushed and still trying to recover what just happened, I picked up Charlie instinctively, bouncing him up and down to calm him down. 

I turned around to see Tommy was who holding back a giggle. 

‘Tommy, I try to correct him when he says this, I swear.’ I worryingly assured him. I hoped it hadn’t offended him.

‘No, no, please don’t apologize. He doesn’t know any better…it’s quite adorable, actually.’ He said jokingly while giggling.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him before turning to face the door. 

“I should try to put him back to bed.’ I exclaimed as I headed towards the door. 

‘I’ll join you, then. I wouldn’t mind hearing you sing again, either.’ He said teasingly, coming up on my side and placing his large warm hand on the small of my back as to lead me out of the doorway with him. 

‘You will? Oh Tommy, I think Charlie would love that!’ I beamed up at him as he smiled down at me. For the night, I felt as though I saw a side of Tommy that he hides away from others. To the outside world, Tommy Shelby was a ruthless gangster and business man. Here at the Arrow House tonight, he was just Thomas. He was just a man.

[splashstar01]

Love letter to Merthur (11 year anniversary🎉💐) TW: suicide, spoilers for end of the show

Okay so it's been 11 years since Merthur has been my OTP. Since they've entered my life I've literally felt like I've been in a relationship with their relationship if that makes sense. For a little while until I met my spouse, I even identified as aegosexual, which for me meant being asexual except for attraction to other people's relationships such as my OTPs. 

I came into the fandom end of 2013 and became interested because they were all over my tumblr dash. I know, the show ended at the end of 2012.. I'm not sure why Tumblr had a sudden influx of merthur content. Maybe due to the slash tourney?

But I kept seeing the final end scene all over my dash and I kept seeing a ton of articles celebrating that merthur was now canon (imagine my surprise when i found so many in the fandom don't see it that way even tho it was literally confirmed……………………..). 

I knew literally nothing about the show and assumed it was a serious adult show about the Arthurian legends. But I shipped them anyway due to the ending, particularly with Merlin waiting 1500 years (I didn't even realize Arthur was also waiting)!

At the time I had just got into shipping for half a year, so I was super new to all this slash stuff. My slash OTP at the time was very quickly replaced by merthur after I began watching the series bc merthur was just way more touchy-feely and had actual boyish fun around one another, not to mention waiting 1500 years for ea other! That is EPIC LOVE!!!! Their dynamic was the opposite of my previous OTP. 

With merthur I got really, really into my feelings. I've literally bled for them. Rest assured, I have never cut in my entire life. it's only due to me becoming so emotional and hyperventilating in joy that I bit my fingers and bled a little bit. Like, the amount of blood i lost was akin to literally a paper cut from my teeth lol. Because I cover my mouth when I hyperventilate… I think most people cover their mouths when they do this. Lol.

But when I hyperventilate over Merthur, it is EXTREME. like, i have almost out-of-body experiences. i’ve literally cried from being so happy thinking of them having sex. One time in the shower I was thinking about them and I was so happy I nearly blacked out and fell into the shower curtains. 😂 But even when I cry over Merthur/Arthur, im still having fun. Because I know it's not real, so it’s only a pseudo-grief but its NOT psuedo-joy!!! LOL. It's kinda like going on a roller coaster. You’re screaming but you dont actually fear for your life. It’s psuedo-fear. 

At the time, I was severely depressed in my non-fandom life, but Merthur never actually contributed to that hurt, because i could see the lines of reality vs real shit i had to be upset over. Merthur gave me an outlet. With merthur I felt free to cry and fall apart whilst at the same time, as I always tell my ppl, "they're not real, THANK GOODNESS!!" so I can grieve bc I'm not really crying for anyone!

At the time, I wasn’t seeing anyone for my severe depression/anxiety because I thought I could handle it and i was self-medicating with psychedelics since they've been proven to be able to heal mental health issues. LSD at parties healed my c-ptsd, since I had gone to see someone for my ADHD & ended up being diagnosed w c-ptsd! I thought it could heal my other issues too.

But then I took a 7-year break from merthur due to my attempted suicide.

My life was going so well too. I literally seemed like i had the perfect life while in college. Just landed a good-paying 1-yr temp job, I was majorly popular and partying every weekend, I had a long-term partner (we’re now married), I had a 4.7 GPA, was in 9 different school clubs. I seemed to be thriving. But I’d been battling severe anxiety/depression since I was 12.

How the fandom saved my life….. Literally. 

Before I was going to do it, I had to say goodbye to the fandom bc I always felt like the merthur fandom was like my family.

I wrote a goodbye post on Tumblr that I set to queue and I had assumed it would post much later. But ig i somehow miscalculated and it posted too early. So someone managed to find my Facebook which is just insane bc blogs are essentially anonymous. I didn't post any personal info on Tumblr. It should have been impossible but they alerted my sister and I was found 45 min away.

The doctors declared me brain dead and it was this huge thing. I had to relearn to feed myself, walk, etc. It took me 6 months just to have the strength to use a walker because my leg muscles had atrophied so much. 9 months later and I was able to walk again on my own. Now it's been 7 years and I'm still physically disabled but in a much better place emotionally. After my attempt, a limelight was cast on my mental health and all a sudden i was seeing all sorts of therapists. I was medicated for the very first time, and i felt so much better. I’m no longer actively suicidal.

So….. enough about my sob story. 

Merthur will most likely always be my OTP!! I did find book!Drarry 8 months ago, and boy did i go wild for them too. (Like, i stayed up 36 hours straight because i couldnt stop thinking about them and i’m the author of the Drarry Bible, a 98k doc of all the drarry book moments along with meta proving that in their universe, they are in love and soulmates lol. Drarry is such a huge ship that I was honestly so surprised that there wasnt already something similar to it!!)

But even with Drarry, I always knew Merthur was OTP!! I never once questioned that I loved Merthur more even during my Merthur hiatus. ^-^ I’m not sure why i took such a long hiatus after my suicide attempt. But I recently got back into Merthur just 6 months ago due to this video by imaginedragonlords: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4zDknYGf0s. The video reminded me of why Merthur was so amazingggggg. Like i always knew they were but ig the passion was gone after the suicide attempt. (Gone but not forgotten lol! :D)

I wont promise the passion will always be here. Like in any relationship, passion sometimes ebbs and flows (happening rn w my irl partner lol i mean, they’re great n all but they like to interrupt me when i write fanfic 😂), but I’ll always know that Merthur will never be replaced. Because at the end of the day, there will never be another love as epic and with as much chemistry as these two gayssssssss<33333 i did find another ship I love that i feel has a more healthy love for ea other than merthur and also waited a whole lifetime for one another, but they dont have AS much chemistry……………)

I love Merthur SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!! And i love my Merthur fandom. <3 I can always rely on fandom to give me my drug of choice: that MERTHUR DOPAMINE HIT!!! I’ve grieved Arthur’s death way longer & more intensely than any irl person/pet’s, & I blame the fandom for that! Each gifset or post will bring all the feelings of pseudo-grief back in full force, plus I cry EASY when it comes to fandom. I can smile a genuine smile after my grieving session is done, because thank SOURCE THEY’RE FICTIONAL! 

And anyway, they’re so obviously going to end up married with so much sex once Arthur finally returns from training with the Sidhe and being granted immortality so that Albion (Merlin) won’t ever be in such crisis (losing his mind from grief) ever again.

I’ve also cried from looking at a gifset of Leon just being Leon (this one literally tagged ‘literally crying’ & i only use that tag for stuff that has me actually crying with real tears).

And he’s not even one of my fave knights!! This gifset wasn't meant to be sad either. lol. I dont know why i cried. It just be like that on Tumblr.

Back before my hiatus, I literally had a Kleeenix box next to me whenever i went on tumblr bc I’d cry over every little thing. This was bc i was bound to see some sad merthur gifset/post/etc, cry, and after i cried once, anything else made me cry……..

Even gifsets of Leon just being Leon lool. x’D I would get soooooo overly emotional. 

My spouse once said, “All you ever talk about with ur fandoms is ‘they’re so gay.’” YES. THAT IS THE MAIN POINT, WHAT ABOUT IT 😂 like im now in the Harry Potter book fandom & i literally dont give a shit about the book plotlines [I barely remember them], but i can write up a whole Bible about Drarry……. It’s PRIORITIES! I have a very 1-track mind with my ships lol.

Ok this was way longer than intended. 

Tldr;

merthur (fandom) literally saved my life during my suicide attempt by alerting my family,

grieving Arthur’s death is a safe outlet bc i know he’s not real so none of my grief is real.

I dont cut, never have, never will—I just hyperventilate way too hard in fits of joy, usually crying “they’re SO GAY!!!” & bite my fingers a tad too hard on accident at times..... i get really super emotional and i love it becos that free dopamine hit is on another lvl fr lol def up there w real drugs, like my out-of-body experience sometimes xD

I feel like im dating them due to being partly aegosexual. and i love them <3 :D So my 11 yr anniversary fr feels like my 11 yr anniversary w an IRL lover lol XD