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anotherhumaninthisworld · 11 months

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Frev Friendships — Saint-Just and Robespierre

You who supports the tottering fatherland against the torrent of despotism and intrigue, you whom I only know, like God, through his miracles; I speak to you, monsieur, to ask you to unite with me in order to save my sad fatherland. The city of Gouci has relocated (this rumour goes around here) the free markets from the town of Blérancourt. Why do the cities devour the privileges of the countryside? Will there remain no more of them to the latter than size and taxes? Support, please, with all your talent, an address that I make for the same letter, in which I request the reunion of my heritage with the national areas of the canton, so that one lets to my country a privilege without which it has to die of hunger. I do not know you, but you are a great man. You are not only the deputy of a province, you are one of humanity and of the Republic. Please, make it that my request be not despised. I have the honour to be, monsieur, your most humble, most obedient servant. Saint-Just, constituent of the department of Aisne. To Monsieur de Robespierre in the National Assembly in Paris. Blérancourt, near Noyon, August 19, 1790. Saint-Just’s first letter ever written to Robespierre, dated August 19 1790

Citizens, you are aware that, to dispel the errors with which Roland has covered the entire Republic, the Society has decided that it will have Robespierre's speech printed and distributed. We viewed it as an eternal lesson for the French people, as a sure way of unmasking the Brissotin faction and of opening the eyes of the French to the virtues too long unknown of the minority that sits with the Mountain. I remind you that a subscription office is open at the secretariat. It is enough for me to point it out to you to excite your patriotic zeal, and, by imitating the patriots who each deposited fifty écus to have Robespierre's excellent speech printed, you will have done well for the fatherland. Saint-Just at the Jacobins, January 1 1793

Patriots with more or less talent […] Jacquier, Saint-Just’s brother-in-law. Robespierre in a private list, written sometime during his time on the Committee of Public Safety

Saint-Just doesn’t have time to write to you. He gives you his compliments. Lebas in a letter to Robespierre October 25 1793

Trust no longer has a price when we share it with corrupt men, then we do our duty out of love for our fatherland alone, and this feeling is purer. I embrace you, my friend. Saint-Just. To Robespierre the older. Saint-Just in a post-scriptum note added to a letter written by Lebas to Robespierre, November 5 1793. Saint-Just uses tutoiement with Robespierre here, while Lebas used vouvoiement.

We have made too many laws and too few examples: you punish but the salient crimes, the hypocritical crimes go unpunished. Punish a slight abuse in each part, it is the way to frighten the wicked, and to make them see that the government has its eye on everything. No sooner do we turn our backs than the aristocracy rises in the tone of the day, and commits evils under the colors of liberty. Engage the committee to give much pomp to the punishment of all faults in government. Before a month has passed you will have illuminated this maze in which counter-revolution and revolution march haphazardly. Call, my friend, the attention of the Jacobin Club to the strong maxims of the public good; let it concern itself with the great means of governing a free state. I invite you to take measures to find out if all the manufactures and factories of France are in activity, and to favor them, because our troops would within a year find themselves without clothes; manufacturers are not patriots, they do not want to work, they must be forced to do so, and not let down any useful establishment. We will do our best here. I embrace you and our mutual friends. Saint-Just To Robespierre the older. Saint-Just in a letter to Robespierre, December 14 1793

Paris, 9 nivôse, year 2 of the Republic. Friends. I feared, in the midst of our successes, and on the eve of a decisive victory, the disastrous consequences of a misunderstanding or of a ridiculous intrigue. Your principles and your virtues reassured me. I have supported them as much as I could. The letter that the Committee of Public Safety sent you at the same time as mine will tell you the rest. I embrace you with all my soul. Robespierre. Robespierre in a letter to Saint-Just and Lebas, December 29 1793

Why should I not say that this (the dantonist purge) was a meditated assassination, prepared for a long time, when two days after this session where the crime was taking place, the representative Vadier told me that Saint-Just, through his stubbornness, had almost caused the downfall of the members of the two committees, because he had wanted that the accused to be present when he read the report at the National Convention; and such was his obstinacy that, seeing our formal opposition, he threw his hat into the fire in rage, and left us there. Robespierre was also of this opinion; he believed that by having these deputies arrested beforehand, this approach would sooner or later be reprehensible; but, as fear was an irresistible argument with him, I used this weapon to fight him: You can take the chance of being guillotined, if that is what you want; For my part, I want to avoid this danger by having them arrested immediately, because we must not have any illusions about the course we must take; everything is reduced to these bits: If we do not have them guillotined, we will be that ourselves. À Maximilien Robespierre aux enfers (1794) by Taschereau de Fargues and Paul-Auguste-Jacques. Robespierre and Saint-Just had also worked out the dantonists’ indictment together.

…As far from the insensibility of your Saint-Just as from his base jealousies, [Camille] recoiled in front if the idea of accusing a college comrade, a companion in arms. […] Robespierre, can you really complete the fatal projects which the vile souls that surround you no doubt have inspired you to? […] Had I been Saint-Just’s wife I would tell him this: the sake of Camille is yours, it’s the sake of all the friends of Robespierre! Lucile Desmoulins in an unsent letter to Robespierre, written somewhere between March 31 and April 4 1794. Lucile seems to have believed it was Saint-Just’s ”bad influence” in particular that got Robespierre to abandon Camille.

In the beginning of floréal (somewhere between April 20 and 30) during an evening session (at the Committee of Public Safety), a brusque fight erupted between Saint-Just and Carnot, on the subject of the administration of portable weapons, of which it wasn’t Carnot, but Prieur de la Côte-d’Or, who was in charge. Saint-Just put big interest in the brother-in-law of Sijas, Luxembourg workshop accounting officer, that one thought had been oppressed and threatened with arbitrary arrest, because he had experienced some difficulties for the purpose of his service with the weapon administration. In this quarrel caused unexpectedly by Saint-Just, one saw clearly his goal, which was to attack the members of the committee who occupied themselves with arms, and to lose their cooperateurs. He also tried to include our collegue Prieur in the inculpation, by accusing him of wanting to lose and imprison this agent. But Prieur denied these malicious claims so well, that Saint-Just didn’t dare to insist on it more. Instead, he turned again towards Carnot, whom he attacked with cruelty; several members of the Committee of General Security assisted. Niou was present for this scandalous scene: dismayed, he retired and feared to accept a pouder mission, a mission that could become, he said, a subject of accusation, since the patriots were busy destroying themselves in this way. We undoubtedly complained about this indecent attack, but was it necessary, at a time when there was not a grain of powder manufactured in Paris, to proclaim a division within the Committee of Public Safety, rather than to make known this fatal secret? In the midst of the most vague indictments and the most atrocious expressions uttered by Saint-Just, Carnot was obliged to repel them by treating him and his friends as aspiring to dictatorship and successively attacking all patriots to remain alone and gain supreme power with his supporters. It was then that Saint-Just showed an excessive fury; he cried out that the Republic was lost if the men in charge of defending it were treated like dictators; that yesterday he saw the project to attack him but that he defended himself. ”It’s you,” he added, ”who is allied with the enemies of the patriots. And understand that I only need a few lines to write for an act of accusation and have you guillotined in two days.” ”I invite you, said Carnot with the firmness that only appartient to virtue: I provoke all your severity against me, I do not fear you, you are ridiculous dictators.” The other members of the Committee insisted in vain several times to extinguish this ferment of disorder in the committee, to remind Saint-Just of the fairer ideas of his colleague and of more decency in the committee; they wanted to call people back to public affairs, but everything was useless: Saint-Just went out as if enraged, flying into a rage and threatening his colleagues. Saint-Just probably had nothing more urgent than to go and warn Robespierre the next day of the scene that had just happened, because we saw them return together the next day to the committee, around one o'clock: barely had they entered when Saint-Just, taking Robespierre by the hand, addressed Carnot saying: ”Well, here you have my friends, here are the ones you attacked yesterday!” Robespierre tried to speak of the respective wrongs with a very hypocritical tone: Saint-Just wanted to speak again and excite his colleagues to take his side. The coldness which reigned in this session, disheartened them, and they left the committee very early and in a good mood. Réponse des membres des deux anciens Comités de salut public et de sûreté générale (Barère, Collot, Billaud, Vadier), aux imputations renouvellées contre eux, par Laurent Lecointre et declarées calomnieuses par décret du 13 fructidor dernier; à la Convention Nationale (1795), page 103-105

My friends, the committee has taken all the measures within its control at this time to support your zeal. It has asked me to write to you to explain the reasons for some of its provisions. It believed that the main cause of the last failure was the shortage of skilled generals, it will send you all the patriotic and educated soldiers that can be found. It thought it necessary at this time to re-use Stetenhofen, whom it is sending to you, because he has military merit, and because the objections made against him seem at least to be balanced by proofs of loyalty. He also relies on your wisdom and your energy. Salut et amitié. Paris, 15 floréal, year 2 of the Republic. Robespierre. Robespierre to Saint-Just and Lebas, May 4 1793

Dear collegue, Liberty is exposed to new dangers; the factions arise with a character more alarming than ever. The lines to get butter are more numerous and more turbulent than ever when they have the least pretexts, an insurrection in the prisons which was to break out yesterday and the intrigues which manifested themselves in the time of Hébert are combined with assassination attemps on several occasions against members of the Committee of Public Safety; the remnants of the factions, or rather the factions still alive, are redoubled in audacity and perfidy. There is fear of an aristocratic uprising, fatal to liberty. The greatest peril that threatens it is in Paris. The Committee needs to bring together the lights and energy of all its members. Calculate whether the army of the North, which you have powerfully contributed to putting on the path to victory, can do without your presence for a few days. We will replace you, until you return, with a patriotic representative. The members composing the Committee of Public Safety. Robespierre, Prieur, Carnot, Billaud-Varennes, Barère. Letter to Saint-Just from the CPS, May 25 1794, written by Robespierre. It was penned down just two days after the alleged attempt on Robespierre’s life by Cécile Renault.

Robespierre returned to the Committee a few days later to denounce new conspiracies in the Convention, saying that, within a short time, these conspirators who had lined up and frequently dined together would succeed in destroying public liberty, if their maneuvers were allowed to continue unpunished. The committee refused to take any further measures, citing the necessity of not weakening and attacking the Convention, which was the target of all the enemies of the Republic. Robespierre did not lose sight of his project: he only saw conspiracies and plots: he asked that Saint-Just returned from the Army of the North and that one write to him so that he may come and strengthen the committee. Having arrived, Saint-Just asked Robespierre one day the purpose of his return in the presence of the other members of the Committee; Robespierre told him that he was to make a report on the new factions which threatened to destroy the National Convention; Robespierre was the only speaker during this session. He was met by the deepest silence from the Committee, and he leaves with horrible anger. Soon after, Saint-Just returned to the Army of the North, since called Sambre-et-Mouse. Some time passes; Robespierre calls for Saint-Just to return in vain: finally, he returns, no doubt after his instigations; he returned at the moment when he was most needed by the army and when he was least expected: he returned the day after the battle of Fleurus. From that moment, it was no longer possible to get him to leave, although Gillet, representative of the people to the army, continued to ask for him. Réponse de Barère, Billaud-Varennes, Collot d’Herbois et Vadier aux imputations de Laurent Lecointre (1795)

On 10 messidor (June 28) I was at the Committee of Public Safety. There, I witnessed those who one accuses today (Billaud-Varenne, Barère, Collot-d'Herbois, Vadier, Vouland, Amar and David) treat Robespierre like a dictator. Robespierre flew into an incredible fury. The other members of the Committee looked on with contempt. Saint-Just went out with him. Levasseur at the Convention, August 30 1794. If this scene actually took place, it must have done so one day later, 11 messidor (June 29), considering Saint-Just was still away on a mission on the tenth.

Isn’t it around the same time (a few days before thermidor) that Saint-Just and Lebas would dine at your father’s house with Robespierre? Lebas often dined there, having married one of my sisters. Saint-Just rarely there, but he frequently went to Robespierre’s and climbed the stairs to his office without speaking to anyone. During the dinner which I’m talking about, did you hear Saint-Just propose to Robespierre to reconcile with some members of the Convention and Committees who appeared to be opposed to him? No. I only know that they appeared to be very devided. Do you have any ideas what these divisions were about? I only learned about it through the discussions which took place on this subject at the Jacobins and through the altercation which was said to have taken place at the Committee of Public Safety between Robespierre older and Carnot. Robespierre’s host’s son Jacques-Maurice Duplay in an interrogation held January 1 1795

Saint-Just then fell back on his report, and said that he would join the committee the next day (9 thermidor) and that if it did not approve it, he would not read it. Collot continued to unmask Saint-Just; but as he focused more on depicting the dangers praying on the fatherland than on attacking the perfesy of Saint-Just and his accomplices, he gradually reassured himself of his confusion; he listened with composure, returning to his honeyed and hypocritical tone. Some time later, he told Collot d'Herbois that he could be reproached for having made some remarks against Robespierre in a café, and establishing this assertion as a positive fact, he admitted that he had made it the basis of an indictment against Collot, in the speech he had prepared. Réponse des membres des deux anciens Comités de salut public et de sûrété générale… (1795) page 107.

I attest that Robespierre declared himself a firm supporter of the Convention and never spoke but gently in the Committee so as not to undermine any of its members. […] Billaud-Varenne said to Robespierre, “We are your friends, we have always walked together.” This dishonesty made my heart shudder. The next day, he called him Peisistratos and had written his act of accusation. […] If you reflect carefully on what happened during your last session, you will find the application of everything I said: a man alienated from the Committee due to the bitterest treatments, when this Committee was, in fact, no longer made up of more than the two or three members present, justified himself before you; he did not explain himself clearly enough, to tell the truth, but his alienation and the bitterness in his soul can excuse him somewhat: he does not know why he is being persecuted, he knows nothing except his misfortune. He has been called a tyrant of opinion: here I must explain myself and shine light on a sophism that tends to proscribe merit. And what exclusive right do you have to opinion, you who find that it is a crime to touch souls? Do you find it wrong that a man should be tenderhearted? Are you thus from the court of Philip, you who make war on eloquence? A tyrant of opinion? Who is stopping you from competing for the esteem of the fatherland, you who find it so wrong that someone should captivate it? There is no despot in the world, save Richelieu, who would be insulted by the fame of a writer. Is it a more disinterested triumph? Cato is said to have chased from Rome the bad citizen who had called eloquence at the tribune of harangues, the tyrant of opinion. No one has the right to claim that; it gives itself to reason and its empire is not the in the power of governments. […] The member who spoke for a long time yesterday at this tribune did not seem to have distinguished clearly enough who he was accusing. He had no complaints and has not complained either about the Committees; because the Committees still seem to me to be dignified of your estime, and the misfortunes that I have spoken to you of were born of isolation and the extreme authority of several members left alone. Saint-Just defending Robespierre in his last, undelivered speech, July 27 1794

One brings St. Just, Dumas and Payan, all of them shackled, they are escorted by policemen. They stay a good quarter of an hour standing in front of the door of the Committee’s room; one makes them sit down onto a windowsill; they have still not uttered a single word, pleasant people make the persons who surround these three men step aside, and say move back, let these gentlemen see their King sleep on a table, just like a man. Saint-Just moves his head in order to see Robespierre. Saint-Just’s figure appeared dejected and humiliated, his swollen eyes expressed chagrin. Faits recueillis aux derniers instants de Robespierre et de sa saction, du 9 au 10 thermidor (1794) by anonymous.

The Committee of General Security was being spied on by Héron, D…, Lebas: Robespierre knew, through them, word for word, everything that was happening at said committee. This espionage gave rise to more intimate connections between Couthon, Saint-Just and Robespierre. The fierce and ambitious character of the latter gave him the idea of establishing the general police bureau, which, barely conceived, was immediately decreed. Révélations puisées dans les cartons des comités de Salut public et de Sûreté générale ou mémoires (inédits) (1824) by Gabriel Jérôme Sénart.

Intimately linked with Robespierre, [Saint-Just] had become necessary to him, and he had made himself feared perhaps even more than he had desired to be loved. One never saw them divided in opinion, and if the personal ideas of one had to bow to those of the other, it is certain that Saint-Just never gave in. Robespierre had a bit of that vanity which comes from selfishness; Saint-Just was full of the pride that springs from well-established beliefs; without physical courage, and weak in body, to the point of fearing the whistling of bullets, he had the courage of reflection which makes one wait for certain death, so as not to sacrifice an idea. Memoirs of René Levasseur (1829) volume 2, page 324-325.

Often [Robespierre] said to me that Camille was perhaps the one among all the key revolutionaries whom he liked best, after our younger brother and Saint-Just. Mémoires de Charlotte Robespierre sur ses deux frères (1834) page 139.

After the month of March, 1794, Robespierre's conduct appeared to me to change. Saint-Just was to a great degree the cause of this, and this leader was too youthful ; he urged him into the vain and dangerous path of dictatorship which he haughtily proclaimed. From that time all confidences in the two committees were at an end, and the misfortunes that followed the division in the government became inevitable. […] We did not hide from [Robespierre] that Saint-Just, who was formed of more dictatorial stuff, would have ended by overturning him and occupying his place ; we knew too that he would have us guillotined because of our opposition to his plans; so we overthrew him. Memoirs of Bertrand Barère (1896), volume 1, page 103-104.

About this time Robespierre felt his ambition growing, and he thought that the moment had come to employ his influence and take part in the government. He took steps with certain members of the committee and the Convention, asking them to show a desire that he, Robespierre, should become a member of the Committee of Public Safety. He told the Jacobins it would be useful to observe the work and conduct of the members of the committee, and he told the members of the Convention that there would be more harmony between the Convention and the committee if he entered it. Several deputies spoke to me about it, and the proposal was made to the committee by Couthon and Saint-Just. To ask was to obtain, for a refusal would have been a sort of accusation, and it was necessary to avoid any split during that winter which was inaugurated in such a sinister manner. The committee agreed to his admission, and Robespierre was proposed. Ibid, volume 2, page 96-97

The continued victories of our fourteen armies were as a cloud of glory over our frontiers, hiding from allied Europe our internecine struggles, and that unhappy side of our national character which acts and reacts so deplorably as much on the whole population as on our nghts and our manners. The enthusiasm with which I announced these victories from the tnbune was so easily seen that Saint- Just and Robespierre, being in the committee at three in the morning, and learning of the taking of Namur and some other Belgian towns, insisted for the future that the letters alone of the generals should be read, without any comments which might exaggerate their contents. I saw at once at whom this reproach was directed, and I took up the gauntlet with the deasion of a man willing to once more merit the hatred of the enemies of our national glory, and the bravery of our armies. Then Samt-Just cried, “ I beg to move that Barère be no longer allowed to add froth to our victories.” […] While Saint-Just was reproving me, Robespierre supported the longsightedness of his friend… […] The next day my report on the taking of Namur was somewhat more carefully drawn up, and I alluded to the observation of my critics, who were envious of the power of public opinion in favour of our troops, then busied in saving the country. This phrase in my report was much commented on, although its meaning was only clear to those who had heard the debate in the committee on the previous evening “Sad are the tunes, sad is the period, when the recital of the triumphs and glories of the armies of the Repubhc is coldly hastened to in this place! Henceforth liberty will be no longer defended by the country, it will be handed over to its enemies!”This pronouncement was not of a nature to be forgiven by Saint-Just and Robespierre, so they determined to supplant me with regard to these reports. They forced that idiot Couthon to attend the Committee of Public Safety at eleven in the morning, before I got there Couthon asked for the letters of the generals that had come in during the night, and took his usual seat at the back of the hall, waiting until the assembly was sufficiently full for him to announce the victones. About one, Couthon, being paralysed and unable to stand up in the tribune, coldly read the news from the armies from his place. This time, no effect was produced in the Assembly, or upon the public. This attempt, authorised by Robespierre and Saint-Just, having missed fire completely, the committee signified its dissatisfaction at the innovation. Ibid, volume 2, page 123-125

After his return from Fleurus, Saint-Just remained some time in Paris, although his mission as representative to the armies of the Sambre and Meuse and the Rhine and Moselle was unfinished. The campaign was only beginning, but he had several projects in hand, and he stayed in committee, or rather his office, where he was always absorbed and thoughtful. Robespierre, in speaking of him at the committee, said familiarly, as if speaking of an intimate friend: ”Saint-Just is silent and observant, but I have noticed, in his personality, he has a great likeness to Charles IX.” This did not flatter Saint-Just, who was a deeper and cleverer revolutionist than Robespierre. One day, when the former was angry about several legislative propositions or decrees that did not please him, Saint-Just said to him, “Be calm, it is the phlegmatic who govern.” Ibid, volume 2, page 139

This tyrannical law was the work of Saint-Just Consult the Momteuv of the 22nd of Germinal, where it is reported with the explanation of his motives, and you will see that, if there had been no committee, SamtJust would have used his power with as much dictatorial fanaticism as did Manus, that great enemy of the Roman anstocracy. Robespierre’s fnend never forgave me for having dimmished the force of this blow. Whilst I was at the tnbune of the Convention, he came, with someone unknown, and perused my register of requisitions. He took down certain names, and some days after, towards midnight, Robespierre and Saint-Just entered the committee, where they did not usually come (for they worked in a private office, under pretext that their duties were completely private) A few moments after their entry Saint-Just complained of the abuse I had made of the requisitions, which had been granted, said he, in such profusion that the law of the 21st of Germinal had become null and void. Ibid, volume 2, page 146

Robespierre, Saint-Just and Couthon were inseparable. The first two had a dark and duplicitous character; they pushed away with a kind of disdainful pride any familiarity or affectionate relationship with their colleagues. The third, a legless man with a pale appearance, affected good-nature, but was no less perfidious than the other two. All three of them had a cold heart, without pity, they interacted only with each other, holding mysterious meetings outside, having a large number of protégés and agents, impenetrable in their designs. Révélations sur le Comité de salut public by Prieur-Duvernois

Robespierre, who had great confidence in Le Bas because he knew his wise and prudent character well, had chosen him to accompany Saint-Just, whose burning love of the fatherland sometimes led to too much severity, and who had a tendency to get carried away. […] [Saint-Just] also had friendship for me and came often enough to our house. […] Finally our providence, our good friend Robespierre, spoke to Saint-Just to engage him to let me depart with them, along with my sister-in-law Henriette. He consented, but with some conditions. Memoirs of Élisabeth Lebas (1901)

Volume 8 — page 153. ”Saint-Just, his (Robespierre’s) only confident.” His only confident? Élisabeth Lebas corrects a passage in Alphonse de Lamartine’s Histoire des Girondins (1847)

The Lamenths and Péthion in the early days, quite rarely Legendre, Merlin de Thionville and Fouché, often Taschereau, Desmoulins and Teault, always Lebas, Saint-Just, David, Couthon and Buonarotti. Élisabeth Lebas regarding visitors to the Duplay’s during the revolution

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When arriving in Paris in September 1792, Saint-Just first lived on No. 7 rue de Gaillon up until March 1794, and then on No. 3 rue de Caumartin (today’s No. 5) up until his death. Both those places were within a ten minute walking distance from Robespierre’s home on 398 Rue Saint-Honoré.

Saint-Just was away from Paris (and therefore Robespierre) on missions between March 9 to March 31, October 17 to December 4, December 10 to December 30 (1793), January 22 to February 13, April 30 to May 31 and June 10 to June 29 (1794).

#sj and max holding hands 🤗💓#robespierre #saint-just #maximilien robespierre #louis antoine de saint just #barère #élisabeth lebas #philippe lebas #frev #frev friendships #long post #saintspierre

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solaireverie · 11 months

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Solsplaining Lestappen Gate 2023: Motivations

(aka i spent a full day psychoanalyzing rich white men who drive fast cars for a living)

I'll be the first to admit it: the recent rumors of a move to Red Bull for Charles / news involving him that is just as shocking, affectionately known as Lestappen Gate 2023, is likely delusion. (Or in the words of my beloved sister, "silly season didn't deliver this year, so we have to find something else to obsess over")

However, one common misconception is that one of the main reasons why a deal like this would fall through is the perception that Charles is, and will always remain, loyal to Ferrari, and would never move to another team. However, I actually think that it's very possible for Charles to want a transfer.

Charles is a professional athlete. You don't get to the level that he's at without being dedicated, hardworking, and incredibly competitive. (You can even see his ultra-competitive nature outside of the car — just take a look at the Ferrari driver challenges on Youtube.)

Every single Formula 1 driver (with the possible exception of the man, the myth, and the legend that is Yuki Tsunoda) dreams of winning the World Driver's Championship. Charles isn't going to stay with a team that promised him victory yet keeps failing to deliver (see Silverstone 2022, Spain 2022, Hungary 2022, etc), especially when he's already proven that he can challenge for the title when given a competitive car and decent strategy.

In fact, Charles has already told us the circumstances under which he would be open to leaving Ferrari: when he no longer believes in their "project" and he doesn't feel like he's maximizing performance. (He states clearly that he won't leave at the moment, but the most reasonable estimate for a move has always been 2025, after his current contract expires.)

Now, what could possibly qualify as not maximizing performance? Maybe Charles' past four years with Ferrari?

It obviously isn't all Ferrari's fault. Charles has made his fair share of mistakes and he's paid for them (ex: French GP 2022), but at the end of the day you have to admit that Ferrari seems to make an inordinate amount of mistakes for what should be one of the most prestigious teams in the sport.

Also, not directly related to Charles going to RBR, but it's been said that Ferrari only want to keep one of their current drivers for the future due to concerns about car development since Charles and Carlos have different driving styles. They would prefer to retain Charles, and that's why Carlos has been having difficulties with his contract, but at the end of the day I think that may be another concern Charles may have.

Red Bull have proved time and time again that they are currently on top in terms of car development, pace, strategy, etc. etc. It truly cannot be stressed too much the insanely dominant season they're currently having, and it seems probable that they'll continue this streak into at least the next two to three seasons.

(And even if they do fall off after the 2026 regulations are introduced, they've shown that they can remain competitive and fight to get back to the top. Red Bull have had two periods of domination in the past decade-ish and Ferrari haven't had a WDC since Kimi in 2007 or a WCC since the year after.)

If Charles wants to leave Ferrari to get a better shot at the WDC, Red Bull would be one of his best bets.

On the other side of the equation is Max Verstappen, who has consistently praised Charles' racecraft and has even said that he thinks that they would work well together (mind you, this article is from 2019, which was waaaaaay before their relationship reached the stage that it's at now, and Max was already floating the possibility.)

Red Bull is currently Max's team. He would definitely have a significant amount of input should they decide to change his teammate. Everything he's said so far about and around Charles, as well as the way he acts with him, points to Max not being opposed to the idea. (I'd even go so far as to say that it's possible that he wants to race alongside Charles... *cough* those comments about putting Charles in a better car *cough*)

Red Bull as a team would also benefit greatly from signing Charles. Firstly, he's a great PR asset. He's a media darling and at least one of the top three most popular drivers in F1. For a team that's basically a glorified marketing campaign, that's incredibly important.

Secondly, he and Max have similar driving styles. They're both aggressive and prefer borderline "undriveable" cars. Red Bull have the same issue as Ferrari currently in that their two drivers don't necessarily share the same style, which makes car development difficult. This results in the car suiting one driver (usually the faster) over the other, which then leads to the other driver performing abnormally substandard (see post-Miami 2023 Sergio and McLaren 2022 Daniel).

There are, of course, people who think that Checo might keep his seat or Daniel/Liam/Yuki will replace him.

Checo hasn't been able to achieve a 1-2 in the championship despite having had two dominant cars. This year, if he does get it, it would be by the skin of his teeth (fingers still crossed for Lewis!!!), which if you look at Max's gap with him in the points is simply ridiculous.

He's been decent for getting in the points, but a car like the RB19 shouldn't just be "in the points". Of course, it's not exactly suited for him, but less Q3 appearances than Oscar Piastri, a rookie who had a bad car for a third of the season? Sergio has always been a driver who excels in midfield teams and dragging decent cars higher than they should go, but I don't think he's built for championship contention in a dominant team like Red Bull.

I hate to say it, but realistically I don't see Daniel finding his way back into a RBR seat. He's still a good driver, but he's getting older and his stints with Renault and McLaren really hurt his reputation. The main reason that I think Red Bull would keep him now is for marketing but they've already achieved that by first making him their third driver and then sticking him in Alpha Tauri. Moment of silence for Nyck.

Let's take a look at Red Bull's history of choosing drivers: they've always leaned on the younger side. Sebastian Vettel, Max himself, Pierre Gasly, and Alex Albon were all brought in to replace an older driver. (Which again proves my point about Daniel: Why would RBR replace Checo with a driver older than him? This sentence pained me to write. RBR Daniel you will always be special in my heart!!!)

On the other hand, both Pierre and Alex have shown Red Bull that promoting a rookie too soon can hurt both of them. Yuki, perhaps, but he's not the most stable driver, and he doesn't have the raw talent that Max possesses to make up for the mistakes he makes occasionally. (Personally, I think he'll go to a midfield team eventually.)

For Red Bull, Charles would be a fantastic addition. He's already proven himself, is a publicity powerhouse in his own right, and can compete with Max. Just... no Brocedes ending, please.

Red Bull and Ferrari are incredibly similar in the sense that they are both, at the core of their existences, a mythos, albeit in vastly different ways. Red Bull Racing is a marketing scheme that chases success above all. Scuderia Ferrari is the years of history that looms behind the name.

They're both trying to sell you something, it's just that one is an energy drink and the other is the legend of the Prancing Horse.

Eventually, when Charles is no longer buying into Ferrari, he's going to go looking for another team to put his faith in, and plenty of signs point to it being Red Bull, who in my opinion has shown that they would be more than happy to accept him.

This still doesn't explain why Ferrari would also be posting Lestappen and it's entirely possible that it's all just a ✨ coincidence ✨, but in the meantime I will choose to be delusional!

If you've read to here, I salute you for reaching the end of my ramblings. Please drop by to let me know what you think! Have a nice day and stay hydrated <3

#solsplaining #f1 #formula 1 #f1 rumors #charles leclerc #max verstappen #lestappen #lestappen gate 2023 #red bull racing #scuderia ferrari #it's 2am i have no clue if this is coherent or not #disclaimer: i'm not a professional / motorsport person take everything i say with a grain of salt blah blah blah

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munsster · 1 year

Text

girl’s night

A/N: blatantly contributing to the babygirl steve agenda with this one. i will die on this hill again and again even after the war is over

Pairing: Babygirl!Steve Harrington x GN!Reader

Summary: You and Steve have a platonic girl’s night. Just you and Steve. Platonically. 1.6k words

Warnings: fluff, mutual (unresolved) pining, best friends to……, head-butting (literal), cursing, pet names (beefcake), both you and steve are bimbos low key, mutual pining again because it’s so aggressive, idiots (secretly) in love, cuddling, domesticity

If you were seated outside the door, if you were eaves dropping by the window, if you were crammed in the small space between you and Steve, you'd think you two were completely insane. Smacking each other's knees and cackling into the silence of your bedroom, collapsing against each other and gasping for air. And doing it all wearing Steve's dad's white satin pajamas Steve dragged out of storage.

Because you had a pajama exchange when he arrived with a knock at your door. You figured he could squeeze into one of your silky blue sets. And as much as he repulsed the idea of the camisole-shorts combination, baby blue is definitely one of his colors. His hair's pushed back by a bubblegum pink headband, a teensy braid sprouting from his hairline, salmon-colored face mask caked on, and Dr Pepper flavored chapstick swiped thick against his baby pink lips.

"Tastes like Dr Pepper."

"It also doesn't really work if you keep licking it all off," you sass.

It's not even as if this is a rare occurrence. Steve comes over almost every Sunday to detox just like this. One of the many excuses he keeps in his back pocket to have you less than a foot away from him. Better yet, an excuse to let you hold his chin like he's something to be cradled just to massage cold strawberry cream over his cheeks and forehead then wipe it all off after ten minutes.

"Gimme your hand, Stevie, let's get this show on the road." You scoot closer so your knees are flush with his, and as he spreads one hand along your thigh, you grab the other and smile when his arm goes limp.

He thinks your hands are the softest thing he has ever held; even softer than lamb's-ear and cashmere and petting zoo bunnies. And he could spend the rest of his life letting you take his hand into yours. Letting you fold your fingers beneath his and curl his knuckles sweetly over yours and trace the lines with your fingertip. Jesus Christ, he's head over heels and hand over heart. He just hopes you never notice how clammy his palms get.

You brush a bead of pink polish against the side of the tiny bottle before dragging it down his thumbnail, covering half of the surface before peeking up at him through your lashes. He wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't already been staring at you, almost willing you to flash him a glance. Even in brief passing, those doe eyes would be a blessing. The eighth wonder and seventh heaven of your demure face.

Steve's pretty sure he's lost control of his motor reflexes, and it's all your fault. His hand is shaking or twitching or something and then you giggle because there's a stripe of nail polish on the fleshy tip of his finger and his hand shakes or twitches some more because you've got the most beautiful laugh he's ever heard. And each time you tug his hand closer to maximize precision, he catches a sweet waft of the perfume spritzed against your collarbone. You smell like a candy store or a bakery; he can't quite place it, but it makes him feel longingly small and cloying. Then to top it all off, he's focusing so hard, sweat beads at his brow. You have to pat his wrist and tell him to calm down. But you didn't have to call him Stevie like that.

"Need a break, beefcake?"

"I hate that that rhymed."

"C'mon, let's go make popcorn," you chirp, grabbing his untainted hand and dragging him to the kitchen. He shivers in the cold, goosebumps flaring up over his skin as you leave him behind to shut the window by the sink. "Plain or butter?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"Butter it is!" you say, eyes bright and blinking in the deep dark of the cold-tiled room. Steve leans back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest while you bang around to find the cabinet with the snacks like you've never been in this kitchen before.

The light of the microwave makes him wince, but the way it bathes your torso in a soft marigold light makes him seep back against the ceramic digging into his spine. You turn to face him, and his chest tightens though he's still only hinting at a smile. You must realize how silly he looks right now: spaghetti straps leaning over the curve of his shoulders, polka-dotted scrunchie hugging his wrist, boxers peeking out from beneath the blue silk shorts. Picturesque and chaotic all in one. He can't place that look you get when your eyes scan down from his neck to the length of his upper arms. How his hand curls over his smooth bicep.

He barks out a laugh when the wail of the microwave makes you jump.

"Shut up," you grumble, snatching the inflated bag from the hot glass tray inside.

"Careful, that stuff is molten," he coos. You don’t realize how close he gets when he rushes over close behind you, catching the bag out of your hands and opening it. Steam puffs out from the fissure, and you cough, sending your head crashing back against his cheek.

"Oh, fuck—are you okay?" he huffs, letting go of the bag and grabbing his jaw.

"I—Wha—? Are you okay? I just head-butted you!"

"Yeah, and I just suffocated you with popcorn smoke."

You both laugh, leaning into each other, his gloss-slathered hand subconsciously curling into your side. You shake the popcorn into a glass bowl and plant both hands on the rim, glancing at Steve with a 'ready?' only to find he's already looking at you. And for the second time, you shy away, shuffling to the living room and flicking off the lights. He plops onto a cushion, and accepts the bowl when you place it in his lap.

"Be right back, the tapes are… never mind. You know." And just like that, you flit back to your room, and he's sitting in the static of the TV, tossing pieces of popcorn into his mouth like its a game. He sinks back into the couch after tucking European Vacation into the slot, and only a minute later, you throw something at his head, swaddling him in a knit cloth.

"What's this?" Steve says, holding it out in front of himself. It's a sweater.

"It's a sweater. You looked cold." You shrug and collapse onto the couch next to him, hogging the bowl of popcorn in your own lap.

And he gets this glazed over, thousand-yard stare as his thumbs roll over the shoulder seam of the knitted, ivory sweater. It used to be his. And he was pretty sure he lost it. But you had it the whole time. You had it the whole time but you never told him and you never wore it around him. And at the same time, you remembered it was his like you were saving it for this exact moment. Like you noticed the ripple of a shiver up his spine and like you cared enough to fish his sweater back out again. To return it. Oh, but as he slips it over his head, he thinks he’d prefer leaving it with you for as long as you’ll cherish it.

You wipe your bent wrist at the corner of your mouth as the movie flickers on the screen, but you just miss the glistening butter smattered on your cheek. He looks over at you. God, he’s crazy for being sweet on you, but he also knows it’s never been easier than this. Not for him. Not lately.

“You missed… c’mere, lemme just—” His tongue pokes at his upper lip when he curls his hand into the cuff of the sweater. His other hand nudges under your chin, and you tilt your head up a little, just barely glancing down at him through your bottom lashes.

“There ya go.” His brows knit tight as he wipes the smudge away, then he pulls away at the realization of the innocent domesticity of it all and how he never wants to feel any different than he does right now.

You’re just sitting there with your hands sprawled out on your folded knees, and every time he reaches for a handful of popcorn, you glance down at his knuckles and he glances over at the slope of your nose.

Fifteen minutes in, the bowl is empty, so you set it on the floor.

Thirty minutes in, Steve’s head rolls heavily onto your shoulder. Neither of you realized how close he’d gotten. And neither of you were about to complain.

Forty-five minutes slip by, and your chin is propped in your hand, elbow hard on the arm rest of the couch. Steve’s temple is warm against your thigh, and each of his soft breaths puff out cool over your skin. Your free hand scratches slowly, steadily through his hair. He swallows hard, eyes wide at the urge to hum and buzz and purr like some chattering critter. Like it’s early spring and everything is thawing back to life. Like you’re the sun and the breeze and the darling buds all at once. And he’ll be the poet.

As the credits roll, his quiet snores filter through the silent ebb and flow of the living room, and your face is smushed taut on your forearm, lashes kissing the apples of your cheeks. The two of you lay there in the contented background noise. And in the morning, you’ll both laugh it off, pressed closer than just a few hours before, hair shaggy and nearly matted, and still as furtively lovesick over each other as always.

masterlist

#the babygirlification of steve harrington #his babygirlism is showing #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #best friends to lovers #mutual pining #fluff #stranger things fluff #stranger things #babygirl!steve harrington #x reader #x gn!reader

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mybutcheredtongue · 6 months

Text

I'll Love You 'til the Grass Around My Gravestone is Deceased

post azkaban sirius black x fem!reader

CHAPTER NINETEEN (see full series list here)

1993

Every head in the Hall turns to Harry, whose shocked and confused expression is matching your own. Your jaw has dropped to the floor.

Nobody claps, nobody cheers like they did for the other champions. Everyone just stares at Harry, who sits frozen and unmoving.

Beside you, Minerva gets to her feet and sweeps forward to whisper urgently to Dumbledore, who bends his ear towards her, frowning slightly.

You watch as Dumbledore straightens up. "Harry Potter! Harry! Up here, if you please."

Harry gets to his feet unsteadily, treading on the hem of his robes and stumbling. There's no sound but for the boy's nervous footsteps. His eyes are glued to the ground as he reaches Dumbledore.

"Well...through that door, Harry," says Dumbledore, gesturing with his hand to the door.

As if in a dream, Harry makes his way past your table. He looks at you when he passes and you do your best to give him the least pained smile you can muster. He enters the room and disappears from sight. At once, Ludo Bagman jumps to his feet, a joyous expression on his face, and hurries into the room after Harry. You glance around at the other teachers, exchanging a worried look with Minerva, before standing and walking into the room as well, with Dumbledore, Madame Maxime, Karkaroff, Minerva and Snape.

The room is lined with portraits of witches and wizards. A grand fire is roaring in the corner, the three first champions standing around it.

"Madame Maxime!" Fleur says at once, striding over to her headmistress. "They are saying that this little boy is to compete also!"

You don't miss the way Harry bristles slightly at that.

"What is the meaning of this, Dumbly-Dorr?" she says imperiously, the top of her head brushing the bottom of the chandelier.

"I'd rather like to know that myself, Dumbledore," agrees Karkaroff, whose blue eyes are like shards of ice. "Two Hogwarts Champions? I don't remember anyone telling me the host school is allowed two champions — or have I not read the rules carefully enough?"

He laughs nastily and you feel your gut twist.

"C'est impossible!" Madame Maxime exclaims, her left hand resting on Fleur's shoulder. "Hogwarts cannot have two champions. It is most unjust."

"We were under the impression that your Age Line would keep out younger contestants," Karkaroff snips, a steely smile on his face. Another smile that doesn't reach his eyes whatsoever. "Otherwise, we would, of course, have brought along a wider selection of candidates from our own schools."

"It's no one's fault but Potter's, Karkaroff," Snape says softly, dark eyes filled with malice and distaste as he looks at Harry. You can feel your blood start to boil. That's your godson right there! "Don't go blaming Dumbledore for Potter's determination to break school rules. He has been crossing lines ever since he arrived here — "

"Thank you, Severus," says Dumbledore firmly, and Snape goes blissfully quiet, though he continues to give Harry dirty looks.

Dumbledore looks at Harry from behind his half-moon spectacles with an indiscernible expression on his face.

"Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Harry?" he asks calmly.

"No." Harry's eyes flit around him nervously. Snape makes an impatient noise of disbelief.

"Did you ask an older student to put it into the Goblet of Fire for you?" says Dumbledore, ignoring Snape.

"No," Harry answers vehemently.

Behind Dumbledore's back, Snape's eyes move to you and he points a long finger at you accusingly. You shake your head viciously. He raises his eyebrows in disbelief. You roll your eyes and give him the middle finger.

"Ah, but of course he is lying!" cries Madame Maxime. Snape nods enthusiastically.

"He could not have crossed the Age Line," says Minerva sharply. "I am sure we can all agree on that — "

"Dumbly-dorr must have made a mistake with the line," says Madame Maxime simply, shrugging.

"Professor Dumbledore didn't make a mistake," you chime in snippily.

"It is possible, of course," Dumbledore says politely.

"Dumbledore, you know perfectly well you did not make a mistake!" says Minerva angrily. "Really, what nonsense! Harry could not have crossed the line himself, and as Professor Dumbledore believes that he did not persuade an older student to do it for him, I'm sure that should be good enough for everyone else!"

She shoots a very angry look at Snape.

"Mr Crouch...Mr Bagman," says Karkaroff, "you are our — er — objective judges. Surely you will agree that this is most irregular?"

Bagman wipes his round, boyish face with a handkerchief and looks at Crouch, who is standing outside the circle of the firelight, his face half-hidden in shadow.

"We must follow the rules and the rules clearly state that those people whose names come out of the Goblet of Fire are bound to compete in the tournament."

"He can't compete," you say. "He's fourteen!"

"I insist upon resubmitting the names of the rest of my students," Karkaroff says angrily, ignoring you, a very ugly look on his face. "You will set up the Goblet of Fire once more, and we will continue adding names until each school has two champions. It is only fair, Dumbledore."

"But Karkaroff, it doesn't work like that," says Ludo Bagman. "The Goblet of Fire's just gone out — it won't reignite until the start of the next tournament — "

"In which Durmstrang will most certainly not be competing!" barks Karkaroff. "After all our meetings and negotiations and compromises, I little expected something of this nature to occur! I have half a mind to leave now!"

"Empty threat, Karkaroff," growls a voice from near the door. "You can't leave your champion now, he's got to compete. They've all got to compete. Binding magical contract, like Dumbledore said. Convenient, eh?"

Moody's just entered the room, limping towards your group, clunking his way through. You stiffen slightly at the sight of him, feeling yourself involuntarily straightening your posture.

"Convenient?" Says Karkaroff. "I'm afraid I don't understand you, Moody."

"Don't you?" Moody says quietly, glass eye swivelling in its socket. "It's very simple, Karkaroff. Someone put Potter's name in that goblet knowing he'd have to compete if it came out."

"Evidently, someone who wished to give Hogwarts two bites at the apple!" Madame Maxime exclaims.

"I quite agree, Madame Maxime," Karkaroff concurs. "I shall be lodging complaints with the Ministry of Magic and the International Confederation of Wizards — "

"If anyone's got reason to complain, it's Potter," Moody growls, fixing his gaze on Harry, "but...funny thing...I don't hear him saying a word..."

"Why should he complain?" Fleur Delacour bursts out. "He has the chance to compete, hasn't he? We have all been hoping to be chosen for weeks and weeks! The honour for our schools! A thousand Galleons in prize money — this is a chance many would die for!"

"Maybe someone's hoping Potter is going to die for it," Moody says gravelly.

An extremely tense silence follows his words and you just stare at him in disbelief.

"What are you talking about?" You say slowly.

"We all know Professor Moody considers the morning wasted if he hasn't discovered six plots to murder him before lunchtime," Karkaroff says loudly, shrugging his shoulders. "Apparently he is now teaching his students to fear assassination too. An odd quality in a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dumbledore, but no doubt you had your reasons."

"Imagining things, am I?" Moody snarls. "Seeing things, eh? It was a skilled witch or wizard who put the boy's name in that goblet..."

"Ah, what evidence is there of that?" Madame Maxime says incredulously.

"Because they hoodwinked a very powerful magical object!" says Moody, tapping his staff on the stone flags. "It would have needed an exceptionally strong Confundus Charm to bamboozle that goblet into forgetting that only three schools compete in the tournament...I'm guessing they submitted Potter's name under a fourth school, to make sure he was the only one in his category..."

"How this situation arose, we do not know," Dumbledore says finally. "It seems to me, however, that we have no choice but to accept it. Both Cedric and Harry have been chosen to compete in the tournament. This, therefore, they will do..."

"I'm sorry, but have you all gone mad?" You interrupt, feeling everyone's eyes turn to you. Maybe you shouldn't have come out that strong, but hey, too late to back out now! "Harry is fourteen. He's not of age yet, and he's certainly not old enough for this tournament. This, as we all know, extremely dangerous tournament! He doesn't know half the spells a seventh-year would know, it's madness to let him go ahead — "

"If you have an alternative, I would be delighted to hear it," Dumbledore says, politely adding your name at the end.

"Hm, well, how about we just...don't let him compete, maybe? Bit of a crazy idea to you lot, I'm sure — "

"Legally binding magical contract, professor!" Ludo Bagman cuts in, beaming excitedly at you, wagging his finger. "Give the lad a chance! Let's crack on now, I think we've had enough squawking for one night!"

He turns to the rest of the group, effectively cutting you off from them. They've got to be mad. Absolutely mad. He's far too young for this. It's against the rules! And who decided to make this magically binding in the first place? What kind of fool makes a tournament that involves teenage students magically binding? You ball your hands into fists. Would you lose your job if you punched Bagman in that snotty, overly-cheerful face of his?

Yeah, probably.

Well, okay. You definitely would lose your job. You've just lost a little bit of respect for Dumbledore. He's not even trying to give Harry an out! Not even trying to fix this situation.

Men.

You glance over at your godson. He hasn't stopped fiddling with the hem of his robes since his name was called out and you feel awful. You can tell just by looking at him that he's as surprised and confused as you are, that he had no idea his name was going to come out of that goblet. There has to be a way out of this. You won't have him put in danger like that.

"The first task is designed to test your daring," comes Crouch's low voice, pulling you from your thoughts, "so we are not going to be telling you what it is. It will take place on November the twenty-fourth, in front of the other students and the panel of judges. The champions are not permitted to ask for or accept help of any kind from their teachers to complete the tasks in the tournament. The champions will face the first challenge armed only with their wands. They will receive information about the second task when the first is over. Owing to the demanding and time-consuming nature of the tournament, the champions are exempt from end-of-year tests."

Out of the corner of your eye you see Cedric subtly pump his fist at his side in quiet celebration.

Crouch turns to look at Dumbledore. "I think that's all, right, Albus?"

"I think so," says Dumbledore. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay the night at Hogwarts, Barty?"

Oh please no.

"No, Dumbledore, I must get back to the Ministry," Crouch answers and you breath a very quiet sigh of relief. "It is a very busy, very difficult time at the moment...I've left young Weatherby in charge...very enthusiastic...a little over-enthusiastic, truth be told..."

"You'll come and have a drink before you go, at least?"

"Come on, Barty, I'm staying!" exclaims Bagman brightly, clapping Crouch on the shoulder — which causes Crouch to jump slightly and grimace. "It's all happening at Hogwarts now, you know, much more exciting here than at the office!"

"I think not, Ludo," Crouch says, a touch of impatience in his voice.

You won't be missed!

"Professor Karkaroff, Madame Maxime — a nightcap?" Dumbledore asks, but Madame Maxime has already put her arm around Fleur's shoulders and is leading her out of the room, the two of them conversing in very rapid French — you focus on trying to catch what they're saying, but you barely catch any of it, other than a very put-out mention of a petit garçon, meaning little boy. It's obvious they're not too happy about this arrangement at all.

Karkaroff beckons Viktor and they too exit the room, though in silence.

"Harry, Cedric, I suggest you go up to bed," Dumbledore says kindly, smiling at the two boys. "I am sure Gryffindor and Hufflepuff are waiting to celebrate with you, and it would be a shame to deprive them of this excellent excuse to make a great deal of mess and noise."

Harry and Cedric glance at each other, nodding, before leaving the room together. As he passes, you give Harry a small nod and walk forward towards Dumbledore.

"Headmaster, I'd like a quick word, if you please."

"Certainly," Dumbledore says, and you lead him just outside the room, closing the door behind you so you're out of earshot. Harry and Cedric are still walking down the Hall and they both glance back at the two of you. You give them both a little wave, which is returned.

"Sir," you start quietly, wondering how to go about this as calmly as possible, "you're hardly being serious about this, right? Harry can't compete in this, he's far too young."

"I am afraid there is nothing I can do about it," Dumbledore replies simply. "His name came out of the Goblet and as per the rules he must compete."

"But you can't let him compete!" you hiss. "I don't care about the rules — you have to fix this! You're Headmaster, you just can't let him go ahead with this — "

Dumbledore says your name strongly. "I know you're concerned for Harry, I understand that. But there really is nothing I can do. In hindsight, a magically binding contract was not the most clever decision..."

You sigh, biting your lip. "What if Professor Moody is right? And someone really did do that to put Harry in danger? I can't just stand by and let that happen."

"There is a possibility, of course," Dumbledore says slowly, "but we will always be there, at every task, and if such danger arises we will handle it. I promise you that."

"Okay..." you say semi-certainly, nodding your head. "Okay, okay. You're right. You're right."

"Would you like to join us for a nightcap, perhaps?" He asks you, brightening.

"No, no, I ought to get to bed..." you say dismissively, glancing down at your watch. The thought of spending more time in there with Moody's brooding presence and Ludo Bagman's suffocating energy is rather unpleasant to you now.

"Have a good night, professor."

You smile at him and he nods as you leave and he enters the room once again.

⁠✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。

Before you know it, October turns to November and the 3rd sneaks up on you, whacking you in the face with cruel realisation when you see its date circled several times in red ink on your calendar and dotted with little hearts.

Sirius' birthday.

It always feels weird. Like your wedding anniversary, like your own birthday. It's weird to not have him here with you to celebrate. It's hard to remember birthdays that you weren't together for.

♡*⁠。♡*⁠。

November, 1976

"Happy birthday!" You quickly reach up and wrap your arms around Sirius, giving him a short hug that part of you wishes was longer. It's hard to bite down the urge to just grab and kiss his beautiful lips without a care in the world.

"Thank you, dearest," Sirius says, bowing dramatically to you. James comes bounding down the dormitory stairs after him and forcefully stretches a party hat string over Sirius' head to match his own, muttering a complaint about his mop of dark hair getting in the way.

"I said it first!" James says to you competitively, wagging his finger. "As soon as he woke up, in fact! I was the first to wish him a happy sixteenth!"

Sirius raises his eyebrows. "As soon as you woke me up. Poor me, torn from my blissful sleep by an errant goblin!"

James gives Sirius a shove, who just laughs. He's got such a lovely laugh, you can't help but smile at him. He looks good this morning. He's pulled his long hair back into a half-up, half-down style, and two silver studs adorn his earlobes. You can see one of his tattoos peaking out from under the top of his unbuttoned shirt. You've never seen all of his tattoos, but from what you've been told there are many, and they're everywhere. You really want to see them all — and getting to see the rest of his body would just be an added bonus.

"Ugh, if you're really going to ogle him that much, just ask him out," comes Alice's hiss in your ear, as she and Lily come down the stairs.

You swat her hand away. "Gross."

She rolls her eyes, unimpressed, as she jabs her fingers into your sides and you jump, letting out an involuntary yelp.

"Alice, you bitch — "

"Lily!"

James has just caught sight of Lily and the pupils of his eyes dilate so much that you're expecting them to pop out of his head. Lily groans when she sees him, increasing her pace and grabbing Alice's arm, pulling her through the common room, saying something about getting breakfast. Alice shrugs her shoulders at you as she's tugged out of the portrait hole.

"Wait, Lily, wait!" James calls desperately, hurrying to catch up to his beloved Evans.

You exchange a glance with Sirius now that the two of you have been left alone, laughing at James' antics.

"Do you think she's even close to saying yes?"

"Not a chance," you respond simply, chuckling. "She hates him more than anything in the world, apparently."

"Fair. I do too," Sirius agrees and you giggle.

"Oh, I got you a present, by the way!" You remember, pulling the clasp off your bag and reaching inside to grab a hold of a small box wrapped neatly in red and gold paper.

Sirius' eyes widen. He hadn't expected you to get him a present. "You didn't have to get me anything — "

"Nonsense! We're friends, aren't we? And friends get each other presents on their birthdays," you say with a smile, handing him the box.

He raises his eyebrows, tapping the item with one of his long, dainty fingers, one adorned with two silver rings. "How do I know you're not only doing this so I have to get you a present on your next birthday?"

You grin mischievously, winking at him. "I never reveal my secrets. Now go on, open it!"

Sirius begins to tear away at the paper, revealing a brand-new red and gold scarf — Gryffindor colours. He pulls it out and holds it up, inspecting it.

"I noticed your current one has gotten a bit shoddy-looking, so..." you chuckle sheepishly.

Sirius smiles genuinely at you. "Thank you, really. I love it."

He throws it around his neck and pumps his chest out exaggeratedly, smirking expectantly at you. "Well? How do I look?"

"Fabulous, Sirius. Absolutely fabulous," you deadpan.

He grins. "I knew it. I'm gorgeous."

You roll your eyes, placing your hands on his shoulders and steering him through the common room. "So modest. Come on, I'm starved, let's get breakfast."

"Not without us, I hope," Remus says as he appears behind you, Peter in tow.

"Morning, you two," you greet with a smile.

"Mornin'," Peter replies, smiling at you before he returns to rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

You chuckle at Remus and Peter, both wearing party hats that match Sirius'. You point up at them. "Do I get one?"

"You can have mine," Remus says quickly, reaching up to pull his off. "Please."

You wave your hands. "Oh, no. You're rocking that hat, Moony. I can't take that away from you."

His shoulders slump in disappointment as you stop him from pulling the hat off, laughing.

He looks at Peter, who just shrugs defeatedly. "James will only force it back onto you if you take it off."

"He'd probably put a permanent sticking charm on it," Sirius says as your group clambers out of the portrait hole. "Then you'd never get it off."

The four of you make your way down the corridor, travelling down the spiral staircase you all know so well. You wave at a few portraits on the wall as you pass, receiving a few smiles and greetings in return.

"Oh, Peter, I finished that book you gave me," you tell him. "Saltwater Sentiments?"

"What did you think of it?"

"I loved it! Godric, I actually couldn't put it down," you say excitedly. "Like, I was brushing my teeth last night with my toothbrush in one hand and the book in the other."

"Me too! I read it in like a day," Peter responds, matching your enthusiasm.

"Oh, oh, and you know that part where Lyra has to kill Evascus? I sobbed," you say dramatically. "I was genuinely getting emotional over it and I remember audibly saying 'what the fuck' to that part."

"You're so right — "

"Oh, yeah, I read that too," Sirius chimes in suddenly, looking expectantly at the two of you.

Peter and you stop talking, turning to the birthday boy himself in slight confusion.

"Really?" you say, surprised. "You read it?"

"Yeah," he says simply. "Why do you find that so surprising?"

You shrug. "Just...doesn't really seem your type of book, if I'm honest. Didn't have you pegged as the emotional romance type."

"You never mentioned reading it before," Peter starts, confused. "I offered it to you ages ago but you said — "

"That I'd already read it!" Sirius cuts across quickly, smiling weirdly and chuckling. "You, my dear friend, have a terrible memory, haha!"

Peter just stares back at him, eyes squinted and mouth agape in confusion. Remus sighs, shaking his head as you enter the Great Hall.

You grab hold of Sirius' arm and reach up to whisper in his ear. "Nice try."

Sirius ignores the tingle that shoots down his spine at your soft voice in his ear.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he says, feigning oblivion and hurrying up to the table so he can sit himself down beside James, who is still trying to talk to Lily.

You slot yourself in beside Lily, starting to pile breakfast items onto your plate.

"Sorry that we left you back there," Lily says to you. "There was an irritating pest trying to cling to me. Seriously, we've moved places on this table about five times already and he follows us every single time."

You snort, giving Lily an unsurprised look. "Can't say I'm shocked."

"Ugh, I wish he'd just leave me alone already," she says quietly, giving him a distasteful look across the table.

"Hey, James," you say, taking a sip from your orange juice.

"Yeah?"

"Lily wants you to fuck off."

Alice chokes on her water, sending her into a violent coughing fit and Sirius puts an arm around James defensively.

"Don't say that!" he says in mock seriousness. "You know he's very sensitive."

"Hey!" James exclaims, giving Sirius a highly affronted look.

"Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, James," Alice says. "Lots of girls like guys who are sensitive."

"Any girl that'd like him would have to be mad," Lily mutters disdainfully.

James sighs, nodding his head at Lily, smiling confidently at her. "You'll fall in love with me yet, Lilyflower. Just you wait."

You gag in true disgust. "Please don't ever say that again. I think I'll actually be sick."

"Same," Lily groans. James opens his mouth to say more, but doesn't get the chance to when two pretty Hufflepuff girls approach your table.

"Happy birthday, Sirius," one of them purrs, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously at him. Something twists your gut and you watch the scene before you unfold, biting your tongue to stop yourself from saying something nasty. The same girl pulls a piece of parchment out of her pocket, and bends over to slip it into his hand, her hand lingering on his for far longer than you'd like. She very clearly has her shirt unbuttoned more than usual, giving everyone at the table a clear view of her cleavage, especially Sirius. "A little present for you, yeah?"

You look at Alice, raising your eyebrows. The girl straightens back up, smiling suggestively at Sirius, before turning with her friend and giggling their way back to the Hufflepuff table.

Sirius unfolds the parchment and you watch as his eyes skim the paper, grimacing at one point.

"What's it say?" James asks curiously, craning his neck to try and read it.

Sirius pushes him away, eyes still fixed on the note. He glances up at you at one point, expression unreadable.

"Meet me in the sixth floor corridor tonight at 7 if you want a real present," he reads aloud and you fail to hide your wince. "I can show you some of my special magic."

Your group takes in a collective, entirely grossed-out gasp.

You push your breakfast plate away from you. "Well, that just made me lose my appetite."

"I regret asking," James says, a disgusted look on his face. "I don't know what I was expecting, but a sex-capade invitation was not it."

"James!" you and Remus groan in unison.

"Who the fuck says sex-capade? Just disgusting, James. Get a grip."

"What? That's what it is!" James replies defensively. "Or are you gonna pretend that she just wants to show Sirius a bit of wingardium leviosa?"

You snort, bursting into laughter and banging your hand on the table.

"Well, I guess we all know now not to bother looking for Sirius this evening," Remus remarks, sipping from his goblet and raising his eyebrows at Sirius over the rim.

"Ha-ha. You're all very funny," Sirius says blankly, folding his arms at the lot of you. "But I won't be going."

Your eyes widen, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really? Sirius Black is passing up on the opportunity to spend the evening with a pretty girl? Who are you?"

"I'm already spending this evening with a pretty girl," he replies immediately. "One far prettier than her, I'll have you know."

Sirius Black, of course. Every time you expect him to have matured a little, to realise that perhaps running around after every girl in the school will get him nowhere and will only get him in about half the school's bad books, he goes right back to his player ways.

You like to think you take offense to his behaviour because of your strong moral code, because you can't stand for the way he jumps from person to person, forgetting that each of them have feelings and emotions he ought to care about. But, to say a truth you pretend isn't true and you don't like to admit, you just wish he'd take more interest in you instead.

"Ah, good for you," you say, a tinge of agitated displeasure sneaking into your voice. "And who might that be?"

"Well, you are going to spend time with me on my birthday, right?"

Your mouth drops open stupidly and you try to find words somewhere in your blanking brain, the opportune time for a quick rebuttal swiftly passing you by.

Alice 'oohs' loudly, giggling, and you sit straighter, attempting to appear confident and unfazed by his flirts. "Yeah, well, I'm afraid it'll take far more than saying I'm pretty to get me in your corner, Black. You've got to try a bit harder than that."

You're lying through your teeth, of course. You've been in his corner for so long now, you're not even sure it's a corner anymore. You're in his circle, his triangle, his fucking graduated cylinder for all you care. He has you hooked around his little finger and you don't think he even realises it.

From across the table, Sirius just winks at you. A silent confirmation that he's up for that challenge.

♡*⁠。♡*⁠。

→⁠→ read chapter twenty here!

→ all kinds of interaction appreciated ♡

♡ hugs and kisses to my taglist loves:

@wholelottalove05 @izuoyarmin @hyperspeedo @carpe000diem @jennifer0305 @idkman5335

#sirius black x you #sirius black #sirius black x reader #harry potter #the marauders #angst #angst with a happy ending #fanfiction #hp #fanfic #marauders #ff #wizarding world #sirius orion black

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thelampisaflashlight · 1 month

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Strange Bedfellows Pt. 1: Moving In

[Drywall won the fic poll, so here's a short introduction to this new series, in which Mountain and Dew navigate being roommates.] Below the cut.

Ever since the ghouls' den was built, there had always been open rooms; The ministry wanted to ensure that there was enough space for everyone, and part of that meant making sure each member of the pack had their own accommodations, even if they elected to share them with others.

For a number of years, this was not a problem -there weren't nearly as many ghouls wandering the halls of the abbey, and several of the "old guard" had abandoned their corporeal forms when their tenure was complete, meaning they didn't require much of anything, let alone a place to sleep- however, in the time since Copia's ascension to the leader of the band and then to Papa and further still to Frater Imperator, the number of ghouls remaining in their physical bodies had increased significantly.

And, now, watching Aeon bed down on the couch in the common room for the night, it was obvious space had simply... run out.

Aurora had lucked out and gotten Sunshine's room after the ghoulette left the church, but her reluctance to share it had been apparent from the moment it was suggested, and no one could fault her for wanting her privacy.

But from a practical standpoint... Aeon needed a room with an actual bed, both because having the common room acting as his bedroom meant no one could really use it after a certain time, and because Aeon deserved just as much privacy as the rest of them, especially as the new summons adjusted to their new vessels and life on the surface.

To further complicate matters, Aeon was also put off by the idea of sharing a room with someone else, not because he disliked the thought of bunking with another person outright, but rather because the poor quint could be... restless... at night.

It hadn't taken more than a night on the surface in his new vessel for the pack to discover that the younger ghoul was a sleepwalker.

The discovery had been mortifying for Aeon, and, ever since, he'd been vocal about wanting a room with a room with a lock on the door, afraid that he might get himself lost even as he steadily got used to the layout of the dorms; All it would take is one open door and he could wind up outside, and that scared him most of all.

But therein lies the rub; There was simply no way to build a new room downstairs.

When they remodeled the ghouls' den some years ago, they had maximized the space as much as they could, but that had also meant rearranging beams and adding immovable walls and pillars to support the weight of the building on top of them.

It had taken six months to complete and cost the ministry a pretty penny to have it done, so there was no way even Copia -who loved his ghouls immensely- would spring for another huge construction project, especially when the next project on the docket was renovating and repairing the defunct west wing of the abbey.

During a majority of the back and forth on what to do about the lack of space -from finding a room for Aeon upstairs with the siblings to trying to convince the groundskeeper to let the ghoul stay with her in the cottage for a time (a firm "No.")- Mountain had remained quiet, watching the others throw ideas around as if the solution wasn't obvious.

"I could share with someone." He'd said finally, raising his hand when he saw Aeon curling into himself, not wanting to inconvenience anyone, "My room is a double, so it would only be fair."

Like Aurora, Mountain had inherited his room from another ghoul, Zephyr to be specific, but the circumstances had been slightly different; The older ghoul's vessel was unstable, slowly deteriorating the longer they remained trapped within it, so they had been given the biggest available room with a wonderful view of the ghouls' private courtyard so they could spend their final days comfortably.

When the air ghoul was close to the end, Mountain had made it a point to bring them outside and lay them down in the grass, to bring them flowers when they couldn't leave their bed, and to simply make his presence known to the other in the moments where it was clear they just needed a hand to hold...

He and Zephyr... they'd never been close; They'd been acquaintances at best, but because of the wishes of someone else, Mountain had made sure Zephyr never felt alone.

That person, the one who begged him to stay by Zephyr's side had been-

"Finally, a chance to get out of that fucking shoebox."

-Dew.

"Aeon can have my old room." the hybrid announced, "It's small, but it's better than nothing."

And just like that, Mountain and Dew were officially made roommates.

Moving all of Dew's belongings into his room hadn't taken any time at all, the most tedious part of it all had been gathering up the ghoul's extensive t-shirt collection... and not entirely because of the volume.

"You have the same band t-shirt in three different sizes..." Mountain scoffs, holding up the offending piece of fabric for a third time, "Do you like the design that much, or did you just steal them from other people's laundry, because this one is definitely a double XL-"

Dew swats him with a sock, "Oi, that's the one I wear the most!"

Mountain holds the shirt up, doing a one to one comparison, then holds it out to Dew, "Your dress, sir-"

"Sleep shirt! I use it as a sleep shirt, Einstein!" Dew hisses, snatching it away, "Excuse me for liking to be comfortable."

The earth ghoul hums and pulls another piece of clothing from the pile on Dew's bed.

"So you're really okay with sharing with me?" he asks, turning to look at Dew as the other works on rolling up a pair of socks, "You don't have to give up your room..."

The shorter ghoul snorts, "Dude, getting out of this room is all I've wanted to do since I moved into it. Aeon'll probably curse me for giving him my room instead of somebody else offering up theirs, it's cramped, it doesn't have room for anything, and the one window it has might as well be painted on because it doesn't open."

"I'm glad to be rid of it, and if the consequences of having more space is moving in with you, I think I'll be just fine." he continues, tossing his socks into the bin, "Plus, it's not like I haven't roomed with someone before. Aeth and me were roommates up until our first tour together, remember?"

Mountain nods, "I remember you complaining about his snoring, and he'd argue that you were worse, because you wouldn't leave the room to fart-"

"At least the smell went away after a while, his honk shooing ass would go on and on for hours..." Dew interrupts.

"-and then would laugh about it, because you think farts are the funniest thing in the world." Mountain finishes.

"Farts are top tier comedy, and I'm tired of pretending they're not."

"Well, thank the lord below I have so many plants, they'll save us both from you off-gassing constantly."

"Hmph."

As the pair fall back into silence, sorting through Dew's laundry, they both feel a sense of calm.

A bit of casual bickering aside, the two have always gotten along fine; They've been friends for years, having joined the church around the same time, albeit under different circumstances, along with Aether, they'd developed an inseparable bond.

They were comfortable around each other, so it was unsurprising that, of all the ghouls to board together, they would be the ones to do it.

That being said, the rest of the pack seemed to be waiting with bated breath for... something.

Even if Mountain and Dew weren't readily aware of it themselves, there was a certain... tension... between them; The sort that made itself obvious in the way Mountain could pull a pair of Dew's underwear from the pile of laundry on his bed and not even think twice about it, having folded half a dozen pairs already, and how Dew didn't even bat an eyelash seeing him do it.

Perhaps tension isn't the right word; Tension would make more sense if Mountain felt even remotely flustered handling Dew's undergarments that came in varying degrees of scandalous, or if Dew felt some kind of way about seeing the earth ghoul's big, calloused hands holding the silk briefs he'd gotten as a gag gift a year ago and actually wore more often than not, because they felt nice.

No.

There wasn't anything like that going on, certainly not with how calmly they're both carrying on with the task at hand.

Not that Mountain's ears are turning pink with every brush of the soft fabric against his fingertips...

As far as the two are concerned, this is just a normal, casual thing to do that holds no extra baggage at all...

...Fuck.

#lamp writes #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #mountain ghoul #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost bc #mountain/dew #sheetrock is a brand of drywall #Strange Bedfellows Series

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jon-withnoh · 6 months

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Give me the hot Elisabeth and Rebecca takes!

Sure thing! (Oh boy this turned out long.)

Elisabeth disclaimer: this is purely based on vibes. I have some knowledge of the historical background, but it’s not really my field of study.

Rebecca disclaimer: this is my field of study and I have very strong opinions on it, though I do not claim that I am always correct. I do however maintain that I could back up many of my claims if I had the time to do proper textual analysis and read secondary sources.

I genuinely think Elisabeth (the musical as it was written) is a masterpiece. The framing device, the way certain melodies mirror each other to foreshadow events or indicate character development — it’s amazing! Plus, the music is ridiculously good. 100/10. I love this musical.

Most stagings/recordings of Elisabeth since 2012 though? More than questionable. Levay/Kunze musicals in general appear to be following a pattern where the original production and a maybe one or two productions after it are full of nuance and complexity, only to have that complexity broken down and reduced over time. That is no fault of the musical itself, but a worrying trend of not trusting audience to be able to handle nuance and trying to make every element of a production more palatable and easier to handle. I hate it. Both the 1992 and the 2005 Wien productions have so much to recommend them (I can’t speak for the German productions but would humbly turn over the questions to more Elisabeth-versed mutuals like @fitzrove), but it all seems to be going downhill.

HOT TAKE: I think bringing on more and more “Broadway-sounding” performers to do both Elisabeth and Rebecca is a mistake. For me, Levay/Kunze shows have a very specific sound to them, a sound that fits into European musical theatre and makes sense for when and where they were created. Hiring almost exclusively people with a way more modern, belt-y sound is not a direction I personally like for these shows. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about any specific performers, it’s about trying to change the sound of these shows into something more akin to a big Broadway musical and that really doesn’t work for me. Both Elisabeth and Rebecca are so idiosyncratic in how they sound and how they’re written, trying to make them fit into a mould they don’t belong in does them a disservice. (Looking at you, VBW.)

Maybe not a hot take: but I love the 2005 Wien production of Elisabeth so much. It was my first exposure to the musical and remains my go-to cast album. It certainly has faults and I totally understand why people might gravitate towards different productions, but since I haven’t listened to the full 1992 Wien and 2001 Essen (?) productions yet, I can only compare it to 2012.

REBECCA HOT TAKE: Michael Kunze has stated that he views Rebecca as first and foremost a love story and I think he is WRONG. Daphne du Maurier herself would probably think he was wrong (seeing as she hated the story being described as a romance). This is a core problem with Rebecca das Musical. There are many things to love (Danny, Danny, Beatrice, and did I mention Danny?), but in my opinion, the whole “this is a great love story” angle does it a huge disservice. Let’s make it weirder! Let’s make it as bleak as it fucking is! (Probably not a crowd pleaser but let me have my fun).

Rebecca the musical could have done with some serious editing.

The Magdeburg production of Rebecca, which I am aware was not very accessible to a lot of people, might be one of the best productions of Rebecca ever. Kerstin Ibald absolutely knocked it out of the park with her Mrs Danvers and gave her all the nuance and emotion we so desperately crave. Her Danny is so broken, so lost. Patrick Stanke’s Maxim strikes the perfect balance between the haughty upperclass Englishman who takes kind of a fatherly tone with his young wive, and the haunted, jealous husband who absolutely did murder his first wife. Also in this production Maxim and Ich finally have some chemistry! This production’s Ich (Sibylle Lambrecht, I think) has such a great character arc and it is completely believable that she is into Maxim, even (or especially??) after his confession. Plus, the set design was amazing!!!

More Rebecca hot takes that I’ve definitely brought up before: I know we all like to write Ich as a repressed queer woman who ends up not being all that into Maxim, but honestly, she probably is very attracted to him. We can speculate about the why, but like, it is strongly implied that they have sex for the first time shortly after Maxim’s confession. She wants him.

I maintain and will die on this hill that making Danny sing “Ich liebte sie, doch sie hat mich verraten” is a mistake. I mean, yes please let Danny tell us she loved Rebecca, but come on. Danny doesn’t lose her faith in Rebecca. She doesn’t stop idolising Rebecca. Whatever her reasons for setting Manderley on fire may be it’s not that she thinks Rebecca betrayed her. I don’t even think Danny thinks highly enough of herself to even consider feeling betrayed by Rebecca. Rebecca is god to her.

I definitely have more, but this post is really long and I’m running out of steam… Hope you enjoyed!

#rebecca das musical #Elisabeth das musical #hot takes #really these are hot takes #these are my strong strong opinions #doesn’t mean they’re objectively correct or anything #I just strongly believe in them #thank you

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dykeulous · 4 months

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LIBERAL FEMINISM & PLASTIC SURGERY

liberal feminism justifies/“girlbossifies” “choices” potentially very dangerous for women & women’s health, including plastic surgeries. plastic surgeries are a racist, systemic tool of oppression used against most marginalized women. the first woman who underwent plastic breast surgery by silicone implants was timmie jean lindsey, an american woman who was looking to simply remove a breast tattoo; instead, she got taken advantage of by the jefferson davis hospital in houston, where they offered her to be the first woman to undergo these silicone breast implants. it’s no surprise to find out that timmie jean was a poor woman, a mother of six kids and on top of that a domestic violence survivor. she was a guinea pig, an experiment– and she got used as a guinea pig by the industry that was made by two men, who decided to create this industry centered around completely shattering women’s self-worth; and then claimed it was made so women could “feel happier”. it is no surprise to also find out that so many women in the sex trade industry are getting breast & other surgical implants, just as it’s no surprise to find out that this phenomenon of breast implants dates all the way back to playboy magazines, and this sexualized idea of a pornified, dumbed down, good for sex only woman.

servicewomen; japanese prostitutes who were servicing the american military, started injecting implants in their breasts shortly after ww2, previously attempting to use paraffin and goats’ milk. they did this to meet the average american soldier’s attraction standards– which were enormously large breasts; which shows the direct effects playboy magazines & the pornification of women’s bodies had on american men. many women came forward to report over forty symptoms after injecting implants in their breasts, thus proving that the concept of breast implant illness isn’t a myth. however, due to the consumerist capitalist model & medical misogyny, women are still being pushed away when they report symptoms of breast implant illness to their doctors & are still being actively told that it’s a myth and that it isn’s real. it has only been proved to be real a little over two years ago, which shows how non seriously women’s health is taken; and i am about to explain to you how capitalism is at fault for this. the breast implant industry is an industry made & run by bourgeois men to profit off of women’s insecurities. it is a billion-dollar industry, and is only increasing by value each ten years. if women’s health got taken more seriously, the industry would decrease in value, and thus inevitably shatter. this is a terrible case scenario for capitalists who maximize profit through exploitation of marginalized women & women’s insecurities. all industries involving plastic surgeries (excluding emergency situations) are also insanely racist, as they uniquely teach women of color that their features are undesirable & that they should fit the eurocentric standards. on the other hand, many white women have been picking up certain features from women of color (bigger lips, BBLs, fox eyes etc.) & making their features more ethnically ambiguous. while lower-class women of color are being fetishized, murdered & prostituted on the daily the handlebars of liberal feminism are supporting their oppression & engaging in the further marginalization of them, painting it as “liberating”.

#radical feminism #gender abolition #gender critical #marxist feminism #radical feminist theory #anti capitalism

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pruneunfair · 29 days

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My rewrites for TRE characters in my fanfic

so about 6 months ago I fell into the Au pipeline and it ended up resulting in a bunch of stories that's basically if maximalism was a 7 season long book series. One of those seasons combines tons of characters from different manhwas I read but it's mostly a new interpretation of remarried empress with some Oc's.

Navier

One major change I made is that Navier isn't the protagonist anymore but I didn't want her to be a cold blooded villain either. If you ever went on history tik tok specifically the tudors and the French revolution, there's a lot of people who romanticize Anne Boleyn to the extremes of villainzing Jane Seymour or babying Marie Antoinette as a sweet coquette girly who was unfairly killed by "savage revolutionaries" or claiming Elizabeth I as a feminist girlboss who only wanted to end her fathers bloodline. These historic women weren't the most awful people and they definitely were victims but that doesn't mean they didn't have noticeable flaws that affected the lives of others. That's the direction I went for my version of Navier, she still cares for her loved ones and makes good decisions but she was raised with a classist mindset, not pouring wine on maids and poor people but viewing them as emotionless husks with only one purpose which explains her apathy to slaves. I also gave Navier a backstory beyond wanting to be a perfect empress which was a relationship with her mother that is inspired by Catherine the greats relationship with her mother, so yeah not very great. Unlike the original she is fully aware of what Heinrey is doing but she barely cares (not much of a change from the original tbh) the goal is that I still want Navier to be a little likeable while also making her complex and realistic as an empress.

Sovieshu

I didn't give Sovieshu as many changes and for the most part, he's the same as he was in the original: a toxic partner who pushes his faults on other people around him. In this version though instead of becoming cold and cruel to Navier to moment Rashta shows up, the two have already been drifting apart for a while and it only got worse when Navier had a miscarriage a year prior to the story. Sovieshu is more of a cautionary tale of how misogyny is encouraged in boys at a young age, in his youth, Sovieshu had all the love of his mother since his parents struggled to conceive and only had one son. He wanted his father's love more than anything but Osis was about as interested as you'd expect, only wanting his son to be a great Emperor and nothing else, to please him, Sovieshu started to emulate the misogynistic views of the men around him which grew to be his actual beliefs. The only person that kept Sovieshu from turning into his dad was the former empress until she takes her own life, leaving Sovieshu with Osis as his influence. I still want Sovieshu to remain a scumbag but it will be more of a tragedy in how the future generations can never improve if we continue the cycle of abuse.

Rashta

I think Rashta is the most altered out of all the original characters since she's not even a villainess but rather a sort of anti hero. Her past as a slave is more fleshed out, her childish manner is age regressing to try to gain back her stolen childhood and she doesn't try to befriend Navier after getting the message that Navier wants nothing to do with her. In this version she's the best friend and later love interest of the new protagonist who bottles up her past and feelings to please others so she can keep her cozy life in the palace and that becomes a problem as the lack of care causes Rashta to grow more depressed and even has a few panic attacks. She won't do a good portion of the horrible acts she does in the original since she now had actual friends and because some of her sins are just so contrived to make her hateable, but she still is petty and holds grudges so she doesn't feel too bad when she ruins Nians marriage or snubs Lebetti, she'll even be conflicted since she feels guilty that the slaves on the Rimwell estate are still suffering but she doesnt want to risk being removed as concubine if she tries to call for slaves rights but she does find her voice and will start to push for slaves to be freed mid-way through her term as the empress of the eastern empire. In the end, Rashta does become Empress of a different empire after spending a good 7 years healing from her trauma and getting a good education, she lives her days with her kids and dies at the age of 81

Heinrey

Hes one the main antagonists here, I kept his love for his wife and family though but it's not an "uwu my queen!" Or really anything puppy like. For Heinrey I wanted to make him a true white lotus and he's has more vibes of a comforting friend with soft mannerisms and tones in voice, he loves Navier dearly because I still think even monsters like him can fall in love but the reason he tortures and kills people who don't side with Navier isn't even because he's that adamant about Naviers honor but rather because if someone were to find out his sadistic nature to those who disagree with him, he can use the "puppy husabnd" excuse to appear as a sadistic sweetheart. It not only scares the shit of his people into respecting him but it also wins him a little sympathy points since "he's just a hopeless romantic" I wanted Heinrey to appear uncanny too, like you know somethings off about him but if you said anything people would just be like "what are you talking about? He just really loves his family." His death is also pretty brutal, naturally Heinrey makes a lot of enemies and during a war arc he is shot down while in bird form leaving him at the mercy of a former maid he pushed over the deep end, she offs him, plucks him, cooks him, and serves him to the remaining family members of Lazlo.

and that's only the main 4, I did almost all of them with the exception of McKenna since he's honestly the only good character thats written well in remarried empress.

#the remarried empress #empress navier #webtoon #anti heinrey #rashta #heinrey alles lazlo #sovieshu #rewrite #Au

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starleska · 3 months

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so i have a theory about Maxime Le Mal and Valentina in Despicable Me 4...🦟🦋

theories and spoilers for Despicable Me 4 below!!! some of this is all but confirmed thanks to trailer screenshots and some toys, but some of this is just conjecture, so be cautious (especially as there's spoilery discussion in the replies!) 😉

so by this point, most of us are aware that Maxime Le Mal is a bug-themed villain...specifically a cockroach. not only does he have a bug-themed patterns on his large coat and a huge insectoid ship, but we've seen him apparently have antennae under his hair, as well as a large, cockroach-like appendage hidden beneath his coat and gloves.

this matches up well with the cockroach body he's sporting in this toy line, which is presumably why Maxime wears such a large coat - underneath that, he's all bug! perhaps this is the result of his own experimentation, or it's Gru's fault and that's why he wants revenge... however. i'm interested in what Valentina's deal is...because we can see that she is dressed in a manner which is very similar to Maxime. the large glasses which resemble bug eyes, the gloves, the long hair, and the coat + shirt combo which goes all the way up to the neck...

here's my theory. i think that it's not just Maxime who's all bug under the coat: i think Valentina is too. we already know that Valentina and Maxime have been together a long time, possibly since high school, as Gru remembers her from the same time...if we go with the idea that Maxime was transformed around that time into having a bug body, it could well be that Valentina was affected too!! i don't know...something about the sick cut of her coat, specifically the lapels, makes me think Valentina could have the body of a dragonfly or something similar. we know that Maxime has cockroach wings and can fly from a very tiny shot in the trailer...wouldn't it be cool if his girlfriend, and the pilot of their ship, could fly too? how neat would it be to have a pair of evil lovers bonded over their respective insect transformations? 👀

#genuinely so obsessed with these two already and i will scream if this turns out to be correct #what do you guys think? any thoughts about Maxime and Valentina in general? i wanna hear 'em all!!! :3c #maxime le mal #valentina #maxina #despicable me 4 #despicable me 4 spoilers #despicable me 4 theories #despicable me #starleskatalks #long post

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rjmhereunderprotest · 1 year

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Crossed Paths & Tangled Webs: Why I Ship SpiderCat

This is gonna be a controversial one through no fault of my own... but also it's all my own damn fault. A confusing contradicting statement to be sure, but when you're talking about Peter Parker and Felicia Hardy, that statement seems to ring the most true. Two people who are as perfect for each other as they are imperfect. In love through no fault of their own... and completely at fault for being so.

My poll for another ship to cover picked this... I'm more than happy to talk about it but we're dealing with volatile stuff right now. As I write this, Spider-Man and Black Cat actually ARE in a relationship with each other. Peter has recently stated that he no longer feels romantically for his long-time love-interest, Mary Jane, calling her more akin to a sister. MJ was apparently stuck in some post-apocalyptic Narnia situation where enough time passed for her to have kids with another guy. And if that wasn't enough... Mary Jane may be about to join Gwen Stacey in the fridge, if you get my meaning. As Zeb Wells is teasing the most shocking Spider-Man story since Gwen Stacey's death and the solicits for the story afterwards say Spider-Man is about to suffer a terrible loss. Felicia is on the covers of at least one of those issues. So unless it's a complete fake out and Wells is going to kill off a relationship he has stated he both prefers and spent a ton of time setting up at the expense of the preferred romance among fans... yeah it's not looking good for MJ. I mean he might kill off Aunt May again, but... well there's no guarantees in comics... ever.

This is a strange time period to be a long suffering SpiderCat shipper. I have held a torch for these two for such a long time it feels like almost second nature. I see Felicia, I want to see her with Peter. No one else, man or woman, will do. (Yes she's Bi, shut up, it's canon) Yet right now, a SpiderCat shipper is now writing the Spider-Man books and everyone seems to absolutely hate Zeb Wells' execution of it all. I've gotten what I wanted, at last, but fans are outright rejecting it. Not so much for Felicia and Peter being together mind you, as much as they're annoyed MJ is being thrown under the bus.

Which I get actually, I may have wanted this ship over Peter/MJ, but not at her expense. I don't want her DEAD or badly written. And given how Marvel has basically treated MJ and Peter over the years, it's hard to argue that these reactions are anything but justified. Even decades later, One More Day's shadow still looms large. Marvel has constantly teased and poked and prodded and snickered about the possibility of Mary Jane and Peter Parker becoming an item again. If not married, at the very least dating. But Marvel seems insistent on this point. "The Marriage was a mistake, we're never going back to it. And anything that is even remotely similar to that status quo is not allowed. Ever." The inability of Marvel's Spidey writers to craft a compelling happy marriage between Peter and MJ has been an albatross around the neck of the ship forever! Even when they did it in an ongoing, it had to be a different universe! One where the Civil War comics event wasn't a thing, so that was also a plus. And MJ had to get Spider Powers too in order to smooth over the whole thing for writers.

So, yeah, MJ's been blamed for making Spider-Books dull and kept at arms length from Peter as much as possible. Because if Spider-Man is EVER TOO HAPPY that can only spell DOOM for the character. His world must always revolve around misery. Linkara of AT4W has said it time and again, in the eyes of Marvel, Spider-Man can never be allowed to be happy.

And yet, despite all that, I still hold true to this maxim, Peter Parker and Felicia Hardy are made for each other. If I ever had an OTP, if I ever had a ship I'd die for, if there was ever any romance I was forever evergreen invested in... it was SpiderCat. Despite whatever the world says, that it can't work, that it's a bad idea, that they don't need each other, that it will never be the way Peter/MJ were once... I don't care. I reject all of that and state proudly, without shame, every time that Spider-Man and the Black Cat are and always shall be perfect for each other.

So Let's Talk about Why that is...

Usually I'm inclined to give brief synopsis points about both characters in separate sections. But Spider-Man is so well known and Black Cat so simply explained in their initial set ups it feels almost... pointless. When you can describe at least one half of the shipping dynamic with a theme song from a sixties cartoon it's hard to honestly come up with anything new or original.

So yeah, Peter Parker, nerdy wimp who gets bitten by a radioactive spider, doesn't get cancer from this, but super powers. Thinks about using these great powers to enrich his life, but after letting a criminal get away because it's "not his problem" he learns a harsh lesson about responsibility. His uncle dies at the hands of said criminal, it's all his fault, and Peter proclaims that as long as he has these powers he will use them to help people.

And as a result, Spider-Man is the hero that always gets up because he has to, he needs to. Because people, strangers and loved ones, depend on him. This comes at the cost of a great deal of things that would make him personally happy. Because if Spider-Man is about anything, it's about personal sacrifice and responsibility. It has been a running theme since his first comic and will continue until the heat death of the universe. If you know nothing else of Spider-Man, this is the most important fact about him going forward for the rest of this essay. Spider-Man is Responsibility and Self-Sacrifice Personified. Whenever he doesn't live up to either aspect of himself, bad things happen, to him, to the people he cares about and New York City at large.

On the other side of that coin, Felicia Hardy, aka the Black Cat. Infamous thief. While her origins are more fluid throughout her incarnations, her general story is pretty much the same. Felicia is a thrill seeking thief, who lives for the daredevil rush only a well-executed heist can accomplish. The Black Cat persona is that of a femme fatale thief of the highest order. There's no question that she shares more than a few similarities to Catwoman of Batman fame. Save for the fact she might possess a slight passive power that causes bad luck to her opponents.

Different character of course, but that's just to establish that it is a superpower. Felicia uses it mainly to steal whatever she wants and get away scot-free. She, in general, tries to avoid personal consequences for these actions. While her motives may vary from one story or universe to the next, ultimately her purpose in life is the same. To live for herself, for her needs and how she wants. The Black Cat persona is just that, a means to indulge in her wants and desires to the fullest extent. She is, inherently, self-serving and selfish whereas Spider-Man is selfless.

On the surface this presents a dynamic akin to oil and water. Spider-Man is an avatar of personal responsibility. The Black Cat is the personification of independent self-interest. They are such opposites, such contradictions, that they should just not work. They should be enemies... and that is how they started.

Amazing Spider-Man #194, Black Cat's first appearance where she and Spidey come to blows over her illicit activities. Felicia has contracted a crew for a job to spring her terminally ill father from prison. Spider-Man tries to stop her, only to end up buried under the rubble of the exploding prison wall. Black Cat flees the scene with a quip about crossing her path and Spidey with a bad arm post-fight. The next issue sees Spidey deduce Felicia's real identity and that Felicia only broke her father out so he could spend his dying hours with his wife and her mother. Spidey and Cat come to blows outside arguing over the merits of what she's done. However in the struggle Black Cat starts to fall off a roof into a surging river below. Spidey catches her with his bad arm, trying to stop her fall... but can't hold on as Felicia seemingly falls to her death. He tries to return to the Hardy residence, only to see Felicia's mother in grief over the death of her husband. Not wanting to add to it... Spidey leaves.

Of course, this isn't the end for Felicia, issue #204 sees the Black Cat return. She's actually been watching him it seems, taking photos of him swinging around town. They get reacquainted at the museum where Cat manages to slip away again after another fight with Spider-Man. Felicia is annoyed though that he keeps fighting her, not understanding why she's doing this. And by the next issue it's revealed, the art pieces Felicia stole were meant to symbolize what she thinks of Spidey. Namely, that she has developed a crush on him. No doubt because, despite trouncing him almost every time they've fought, she's clearly enjoyed all of it. And Spidey hasn't exactly helped in that regard as he has routinely flirted with her. He can't help it, she is hot. Felicia claims she wants to leave thieving behind, at the behest of her mother and she would like Spider-Man to help her reform. Seeing a similarity to a current situation with a girl he's instructing, and that Felicia might be suffering a bit of a mental break as a result of her father's death, he promises to get her help.

These introductory stories set the stage for Felicia and Peter's on again off again relationship for years to come. Felicia is self-servingly selfish, desiring things that aren't hers. Yet her motives are more complicated than pure greed, it is always based somewhat around her emotional state. Her need to give her father and mother some closure before she passes, her desire for Spider-Man to lead her out of a life of crime, as per her mother's wishes. She isn't evil, she has noble intent, she just goes about it in very self-centered ways. Spidey, in the meantime, is selfless to a fault. He'll keep chasing her down, he'll keep trying to set her straight, keep trying to stop her crime sprees. He is drawn to her by his selflessness and sense of responsibility to prevent her from just getting away with whatever she wants. But he does genuinely want to help her and he will not take advantage of her fragile emotional state, even if he himself is somewhat into her. Hell, the first thing he thinks about when he first sees her is that he hopes she isn't a criminal because he'd like to ask her out. He is clearly drawn to Felicia, even if it only starts out as pure infatuation, but he will not take advantage of her interest in him because he knows better than to try to exploit that for his own self-interest.

Of course it's a lie, well partially. Felicia faked being crazy to more easily escape a psychiatric hospital than a prison. But she is indeed in love with him. After her escape, she invites Spidey to a masquerade ball via a sky writer. Ultimately revealing that she lied to him about her mental breakdown in a selfish bid to escape consequences for her actions. But she wants to make up for it now, because this masquerade ball is being hosted by mafioso she stole from and says Spidey can now arrest them all! Crime is too easy she thinks, superheroing is her next thrill seeking adventure and she wants to do it with him. And despite being tricked and more than a little bribed into this, Spider-Man decides ultimately why not give it a try? If she really does want to go straight for him... isn't the responsible thing to do with her to help her out even if her motives are a tiny bit selfish?

This is how their romance starts and sets up the ultimate tug of war dynamic. Spider-Man does want Black Cat, but is wary of her desire to push him into a more selfish mindset. Black Cat actually desires Spider-Man, but can't get over her compulsive selfishness. In this story alone she has to sort of trick Spider-Man into coming to a date that's actually a mafioso party that he can break up. It's a highly manipulative plan that appeals to her selfish infatuation and Spider-Man's selfless heroism. It is a constant push and pull between them at multiple points. By all accounts, they should not work and a good deal of comics past this point go on and on about why they can't work.

I could cover the lengthy relationship between both characters throughout the 80s, Spidey was actually dating Felicia for a long time during the Black Suit days, even after he gave up the Symbiote. And for the most part this dynamic does not entirely change. Peter wants to help Black Cat be a better person before he can truly commit to her. Felicia wants to be a better person and make things work with Spider-Man, but she has a hard time wrapping her head around selfless action over selfish indulgence. It's the roadblock between them truly working as a couple. And there are a ton of moments during this time period I could talk about, but frankly, they are ALL before my time.

None of them really prove my point either, all I've done is just explain why their dynamic as a couple is riveting. It's not exactly like Batman and Catwoman's, but its of a similar vein. The key difference is Spider-Man, being who he is, isn't as opposed to the idea at first as Bruce is with Selina. Catwoman plays a lot harder to get for a lot longer than Black Cat, she also doesn't become Batman's superhero partner. Felicia and Peter by contrast are much younger though, so their reasoning is frankly more in line with their age demographic. They're just quicker to jump in than most people. The only thing holding them back is Black Cat and Spidey's diametrically opposed ideologies, even though we'll see those two viewpoints somewhat crisscross soon enough.

If you want to know however where I actually came in on this, we need to hop over to another universe. The one firmly positioned in the decade that defines the pop cultural wasteland... the 90s.

In an effort to compete with DC's Batman cartoon, Marvel fast tracked a Spider-Man show into production. While not on the same technical/narrative level as the landmark Batman: The Animated Series, Spider-Man: The Animated Series still did a tremendous job at capturing the essence of the character and is still a good series in its own. Even on a recent rewatch, I was surprised to see how well-thought out and true to form the series was. Yes, it's overuse of repeated animation and various other shortcuts was annoying, it certainly wasn't perfect, even by 90s standards, but it deserves recognition where it counts. Part of that was, in my opinion, the dynamic between Felicia and Peter Parker/Black Cat and Spider-Man. It certainly wasn't a slamdunk, I'm going to talk about where the writers fumbled it, but when it worked it worked and I think those parts where it worked so well were what cemented the idea in my head that this relationship, fraught as it was, COULD become something everlasting.

There's no hiding that Felicia's story is completely different from the comics. She actually knows Peter to begin with before she even becomes the Black Cat. They actually date for a while and despite the fact Peter is poorer than dirt, she is clearly interested in him and remains so for a good portion of season one. Peter's first kiss in the series is Felicia in fact. Even when MJ is in the picture, Peter is still torn between her and Felicia.

You might think we're dealing with a Betty and Veronica situation, but it never really materializes as such. Felicia and MJ never really meet this early and Felicia herself isn't really the rich girl stereotype. She's not particularly girlish or whinny. She doesn't really look down on anyone for their status. In fact she more often than not tries to rebel against the stereotype. She does a lot of charity work, she shows concern for the good of New York's citizens and she gives credit to those who deserve it, not just because they flatter her. She also gives Peter a lot of chances despite seemingly screwing up with her. She is reluctant at first to go out with him, but is not embarassed to be seen with him. The issue that arises is, from her perspective, Peter is never around when she gets in major trouble... but Spider-Man is. This become important later, but the thing to note is she is still close friends with Peter for a good amount of time and shows an interest in hm.

The only reason Felicia doesn't get with Peter is, again, Peter's terrible luck as a result of his responsibilities as Spider-Man. He accidentally stands Felicia up one too many times and she... ugh... ends up falling for Michael Morbius. Yes... that Morbius. No, we're not doing the meme. I only bring it up here because its one of the flaws in the show, Morbius as Felicia's love interest feels so incredibly out of place. It exists purely to prevent Felicia and Peter from getting together because nothing about it works. Morbius is hardly charming, he's somewhat of a creep, he's rude, abrasive and his petty rivalry with Peter just makes him unlikable. Its this petty bullshit rivalry, in fact, that causes Morbius' transformation into a Vampire monster in this continuity. Peter tries to claim responsibility for it because it was caused with his radioactive blood, but Morbius was an asshole and did it to himself. He's at fault and he sucks... pun not intended, not entirely. But because he's doing all this to stop a plague in his home country, and he saves Felicia this one time when Peter doesn't show, we're supposed to buy that she's smitten with him. And I do not buy it. In fact, I'd argue the show's writers didn't even buy it and were somewhat forced to do this so they wouldn't step on the iconic romance with Peter and MJ.

Morbius' subsequent flight into exile, as he basically becomes a mutant bat monster, starts an ongoing subplot with Felicia, the fact she has seemingly terrible luck with men. Early on, after Morbius has left her life, Felicia begins to develop a crush on Spider-Man, as at this point he's been there for her more than most other men in her life, saving her or her mother. Spider-Man, as a result, has become a very huge constant staple in her life, more so than any other man as far she can see. Peter, despite his messy love life, does care for Felicia, and is very quick to jump in to help her whenever she is in trouble. Partially because of his connection to her, partly because he still blames himself for Morbius' transformation. So Peter is spending a lot of time as Spider-Man with Felicia at this point, more so than MJ even who is dating Harry Osborn for a while. As far as Felicia is concerned, Spider-Man has become something akin to a knight in shining armor who is always there for her. She can't help but fall for him.

She reveals this by suddenly kissing him on the balcony, pulling up the mask half-way and everything. Peter, however, says he can't reciprocate, as much as he probably still has feelings for Felicia. He says he can't have a girlfriend though because it would put her in danger. It's bunk of course, he's still trying to be with MJ even though she's currently with Harry, but I imagine it plants an idea in Felicia's head. Regardless, for now she's crestfallen and this leads her into the arms of another man, Jason Phillips Macendale, a rich well to do playboy-type. Even still, she retains her feelings Spider-Man throughout their relationship. There is a scene at a carnival where Jason wins a stuffed Spider for her, which she remarks she finds spiders cute while he acts rather annoyed and jealous over it. Despite the fact she very clearly still wants Spidey to be with her, Felicia does agree to marry Jason when he proposes.

At the engagement party, which Peter attends with MJ as she has dumped Harry at this point, he changes into Spider-Man to spy on the Kingpin and Osborn over some business with the Hobgoblin. Annoyed he has to leave MJ to deal with this problem, he's interrupted by Felicia.

She asks if he's here to wish her good luck and Peter fumbles his words in saying as much. Which leads to this exchange:

Spidey: Do you really love this Jason Phillips guy?

Felicia: And why should you care about that? Unless you got a better offer?

Spidey: (Thoughts) This is crazy, I can't have one girlfriend as Peter Parker and another as Spider-Man! (Speaking) No, I don't... I just want you to be happy.

As Spidey swings away, Felicia mournfully says "So do I." It's a very clear statement, she's settling. Jason is rich and powerful and the person she's expected to marry due to who she is, but she's not really sure about it, or happy. Because the man she wants is currently swinging away. It's obvious that, in Felicia's eyes, she's missing something in her life that makes her happy and Spider-Man seems to be that something. Likewise, Peter, the paragon of self-responsibility, knows he can't abuse his secret identity to cheat on MJ, even though he seems very tempted to admit that he still has feelings for Felicia. But in the end, all he cares about is her happiness and if she can find it in this Jason dude, who is he to ruin that?

Well, he doesn't have to ruin it. Because we find out, shock of all shocks, Jason is the Hobgoblin and the revelation shakes Felicia to her core. The fact that this person she was dating, this man who she decided on because she couldn't have Spider-Man was a fraud, a criminal, a liar... it's a terrible thing to realize how poor your judgment is. Almost reaffirming that this was the wrong choice from the start.

Spidey of course once again comes swinging to her rescue and defeats the Hobgoblin. But Felicia has questions for her former fiancé. Jason relents that he used crime to create everything he is and get everything he has, including her. She's just another possession to him. What she deep down probably feared going into this, why her heart wasn't in this, why she wanted Spider-Man to give her a way out and save her again.

Felicia: I have to know, did you ever really love me?

Jason: I don't know. I love things about you. Your wealth, your beauty, your refinement.

Felicia: That's not love! I've experienced true love... and it's nothing like that.

And we don't get a flashback to Morbius, as this show constantly does because it's very not subtle, we don't see her talk about bat boy at all. She looks directly at Spider-Man as she says this and the camera zooms in on him as she speaks those words. This overtly informs the audience what love means in Felicia's mind. Love in Felicia's mind is being there for someone, who Spider-Man has been for a long time now. And more importantly, it's about wanting that person to be happy, which was all Spider-Man said he ever wanted. Spidey never asked anything of Felicia, he was just there for her and perhaps, in Felicia's mind, the reason he can't return it is because she can't be there in the same way. She is after all a damsel who he needs to keep saving and Spider-Man made it an issue that they can't be together because she'd be in danger.

In fact, this incident has given Felicia a complex that alludes to her future. "Every time I give my heart to someone, disaster strikes!" She sobs to Spider-Man. "I'm like a Black Cat spreading bad luck to everyone who crosses my path! Including my own."

By the next season things have taken a turn for the tragic, Mary Jane has vanished into realms unknown after mirroring Gwen Stacey's fall from a bridge into an interdimensional portal. As far as Peter knows though she's just gone, maybe forever. They can't say dead on this show, you know how it is.

This would probably leave the door back open for Felicia, but Peter is in no mental condition for another relationship right now and Felicia is smitten with Spider-Man, not Peter. Although he does wonder if she could help him with his grief as he swings over to her apartment. Not to say she doesn't care for Peter, but her heart belongs to his masked vigilante persona. In fact, so much so that she proclaims that Spider-Man is the only good thing in her life during that same visit. (Granted this is after an attack by Doctor Octopus, but the point stands) It's obvious that Felicia is now clinging to Spider-Man as one of the few constants in her life at this point, what with repeatedly being placed in danger by monsters and maniacs. The lack of control and helplessness is eating at her terribly.

However, this does lead into what we've all been waiting for, Felicia's transformation into the Black Cat and the start of the multi-episode season storyline, "Partners in Danger."

Felicia's father isn't just a cat burglar anymore. It turns out he got a peek at the formula for the Super Soldier serum back in WW2. He was almost tricked into giving it to the Nazis but managed to evade them. He was a kid at the time and was on the run for several decades. He's been in SHIELD custody for the past few years, until now when the Chameleon breaks him out only to hand him over to the Kingpin. Soon after, Doctor Octopus kidnaps Felicia and brings him to Fisk to reunite her with her father. And basically blackmail her into performing crimes for Fisk to test out the Super Soldier formula.

Yes, the Black Cat in the 90s Animated Series is basically a super soldier thief. It is suggested its not a complete process, but it grants Felicia more capability than she used to have. As the Black Cat she's now stronger, faster, more agile, versatile and has heightened senses. She's basically a mini-Captain America sans shield and a less patriotic aesthetic. Also, the Serum allows her to completely alter herself, her hair turns white and grows longer, while she also becomes more ripped and taller. This is so people won't really recognize her, an important detail for later.

While it's obvious Felicia hates being forced to go along with this to protect her father, she doesn't hate the new powers she's been granted and seeks to use them to eventually turn the tables on Fisk and save her dad. However, for the time being she gets in more than a few scrapes with Spider-Man, one of which leaves him knocked out in front of her. She considers pulling off his mask, but decides against it, preferring him to do it for her himself. She does plant a kiss though, the first of many as the Black Cat. The sequence is clear, Felicia is no longer the damsel but Spider-Man's equal and she hopes that this means things can change.

True, Felicia still gets into trouble and Spider-Man has to save her before the episode is out, but they actually do come together as partners by the end and effectively work together to defeat Fisk and save her father. Sadly, he has to return to SHIELD custody, of his own free will, to prevent the secrets he knows from ever getting out. I'd kinda like to to think they would give him a more witness protection situation than imprisonment for the guy, even if he did become a thief. It's SHIELD though, it's kinda expected they don't always do the sensible thing.

However this sets up the dynamic for the next few episodes as Black Cat and Spider-Man work together more and more. Spider-Man is reluctant at first, still mourning Mary Jane, but Black Cat manages to shake him out of that stupor. Reminding him not to close himself off in his grief. And Spidey himself remarks, as he and Black Cat work together, that he's actually having fun for once as Spider-Man. This is something to keep in mind, Black Cat actually challenges Spider-Man more often than not throughout their time together. Pushing him to remember why he does this job, stopping his pity parties cold, reminding him to not see his power as a burden that he so often does and as a gift he uses to help people. Even if she's not the same self-serving Felicia from the comics, as the Black Cat she embraces the liberated self her persona grants her. She's finally being able to do the things that her position as a rich socialite kept from her. Her stance is that Spider-Man can afford to think about what he wants and what makes him happy as much as his own responsibilities.

Frankly, it gets through to Peter. As time goes on, Spider-Man becomes more receptive to the idea that he should move on from MJ and be with Black Cat, a fellow crime fighter, on his level who can look after herself as much as him. This has been the problem Spider-Man has faced for a while, being able to protect the people he cares about despite his powers seemingly always getting in the way. In the same vein, Felicia's newfound abilities enable her to be Spidey's equal. Allowing her the opportunity to see him as a person and not just the superhero who saves her. This gives her the ability to challenge, as well as compliment him, as pointed out.

Their dynamic frankly rings more true and honest as a relationship. Even MJ never pushed Peter in the same way Black Cat pushes Spidey to be better. That's not to say MJ was a bad girlfriend, but on the show... she frankly resembled the comics version of Gwen Stacey personality wise. Black Cat may have been in love with Spider-Man, but that never stopped her from telling him off when he got something wrong. She had her own opinions and views on how this relationship worked and despite clashing with Spidey, they always seemed to be getting closer and more intimate every time she crossed his path.

That is until the goddamn Vampire comes back and ruins it all, because Felicia still has feelings for Morbius, I guess. In fact, he comes back so soon and suddenly, just as Peter is thinking of committing to Black Cat as Spider-Man, that it again feels like a mandate from on high. They're getting too close to each other, we can't have that, break them up by making Morbius a thing again. And quite frankly it feels forced because the only thing that seemingly prevents Spidey and Cat from sealing the deal is that neither of them have guessed at who the other is.

This is despite the fact that the Black Cat is obviously Felicia, given her very close relationship with Felicia's father that she doesn't even try to hide at all during her introductory episode. But Spidey has been consistently dense when it comes to secret identities, he couldn't even figure out Matt Murdock and Daredevil were the same person under similar circumstances. Using excuses THAT HE HIMSELF USES to cover his ass as Spider-Man. For being so smart, Peter is incredibly slow on the uptake when it comes to guessing Black Cat's identity despite how damn obvious it is. Not that Felicia is honestly much better, as both before and after this there are a number of clues to Spidey's true identity. Like... she kissed Peter AS Peter, she should know that mouth!

But the fact is, and this is where the forced editorial mandate thing comes in, that if they ever found out who the other was... that would be the end for any possible Peter and MJ relationship at this point. Felicia would finally realize why Peter seemed to never be around when she was in trouble, it's because he was Spider-Man. And given that Felicia's reasoning for being in love with Spider-Man is, again, the fact she feels he's always been there for her, she'd realize her most long standing intimate REAL relationship was with Peter all along! Peter in turn would realize that Felicia, the girl he first had a crush on, the one he was most conflicted about getting with before MJ vanished, a person he still has strong feelings for, is also the person who taught him to love again after MJ vanished. A friend he cares about who is now on his level and has also been there for him! There would be no way they couldn't get together at that point, or at the very least it would be very hard for Peter to decide between her and MJ from then on.

But no, the adventure with the returned Morbius leads to Felicia deciding to go with the creep Mutant Vampire and Blade to hunt other vampires and leave Spider-Man behind, just as he was about to be with her. Of course, Peter doesn't put two and two together that Cat is leaving with Morbius because as established he's an idiot when it comes to this stuff. If he was smarter, he'd have figured it out right now and probably revealed himself to her, and that would create a conflict and probably make her question this frankly boneheaded and nonsensical decision. So no, Felicia and Peter never find out each other's secret identities and she goes off with Morbius leaving Peter alone for no really good reason other than this felt like the fastest way to break them up so MJ could slide back in.

And MJ does slide back in, not long after this episode in fact and Spider-Man quickly fast tracks to proposing to her, revealing his secret identity, the works. However, Felicia isn't out of his life as MJ still keeps getting into trouble, constantly. At the wedding, Black Cat returns to make sure Peter's big day doesn't get ruined, because she does care about Peter even if she isn't with him. She does this again when MJ is seemingly kidnapped, first comforting Peter as Felicia reassuring him during a moment of hopelessness and then becoming Black Cat again to track down MJ for Peter.

And she admits aloud that she's doing this because she doesn't think she made the right call to follow Morbius and Blade, she still has feelings for Spidey, even though he's loyal and committed to MJ. Again, Felicia does not put two and two together given how gung-ho Spidey is for finding MJ. This also marks the only time MJ and the Black Cat meet, it's very quick, Peter has to answer a few obvious questions. After all that, Felicia decides to head back to Transylvania and once again Peter doesn't put two and two together that Felicia and Black Cat are back in town right at the same time. Because he's stupid like that.

What's important to note is that Felicia will drop everything for Peter, which suggests to me, on some subconscious level, she knows who Spider-Man is. And the fact she's still playing mental support coach to Peter, even outside of their secret identities, speaks volumes for their bond and connection. Even outside of the Black Cat persona and without directly knowing it, Felicia is there for Spider-Man when he needs her, just as much as he was for her.

But of course, all of this is for naught concerning Mary Jane's fate. Because... this is not Mary Jane. This hasn't been Mary Jane since she returned at the end of last season and conclusion of "Partners in Danger." Because we've been doing a random ass Clone Saga deal this whole time! This MJ, the one Peter married, shared his secrets with, probably most likely banged... wasn't his MJ. She was a clone created by Miles Warren who can use frickin water powers like Hydro Man because Hydro Man is an asshole ex who is obsessed with MJ and wanted his own version of her. But she wandered off, blah blah blah, point is her clone stability is breaking down and she's gonna evaporate. Cue one of the most gut wrenching screams in animation history.

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So yeah, Peter never got the real Mary Jane back, only to be set up for heartache all over again. One could argue he probably loved this Mary Jane more. Sure he thought she was the original, but everything he experienced with her were steps he was unwilling to take with the real one. Similar to how Felicia has been feeling conflicted, one has to imagine Peter is even more so at this point on several other levels. Not that he has much time to mourn though. Madame Web has returned after a long absence from the series and she has war for him to fight, a Secret War.

In a very loose adaptation of the original Marvel Comics Event, Spider-Man is tasked by the Beyonder to lead a team of superheroes to liberate a planet that has fallen to villains he's plucked from Earth. This becomes a bit of a crossover between pretty much every Fox Entertainment Marvel Cartoon running at the time. From X-Men to Iron Man to the Fantastic Four, not Hulk though, Hulk rights are always a problem. But even after he's picked all the heroes he can afford to recruit, like any Gamer he can't resist modding shit to give him more stuff. And of all the heroes and allies he could pick to increase his ranks... he chooses the Black Cat.

It's a fairly odd choice honestly. Spidey has worked with a lot of heroes, maybe not as extensively as the Black Cat, but he's fought beside Doctor Strange, he knows other X-Men who are on Storm's level or at least just as capable. But he picks Black Cat. He picks her despite knowing that Madame Web knows the Real Mary Jane's location and promises it as a reward if he helps her. He picks Black Cat, despite knowing she is currently with Morbius and Blade. Makes one wonder... why?

Felicia isn't happy with this herself, because she just got pulled away in the middle of a vampire slaying fight. Don't worry, they're fine. It's Blade he'll manage without her.

...

What? Oh Morbius, yeah I guess he'll survive too just by being in close proximity to Blade. Have I mentioned I hate Morbius?

Anyway, the point is Black Cat is none too happy get pulled into Spidey's adventures against her will, like he can just do that on a whim. She's kinda right to be angry at him and she is for a good portion of the episode. When Spidey explains he picked her because he needs her support and they work good as a team, Felicia rightly says that he can't just rip her away from things because he needs to hold her hand. She'll be more than willing to do so on her own, he doesn't need to ask, he just shouldn't force her. It's a surprising role reversal, with Spider-Man being a bit more selfish than usual and Black Cat outwardly demanding to know when Spider-Man is gonna grow up. A question many comics fans wonder themselves to this day.

Spider-Man's ultimate ulterior motives are a bit more obvious though when he gets pretty jealous over Captain America and Black Cat bonding over her having the super soldier serum. And it doesn't help that Cap keeps kinda outshining him constantly when he saves Felicia a few times. But to be fair, Steve Rogers does that with everyone.

After the mission that topples the Red Skull ends, Spidey does apologize for taking Felicia against her will into this war. But she's no longer angry. Taking part in a mission bigger than even vampire slaying is important, a big deal, and if there is one thing Felicia has wanted its to not be left out of a fight for something bigger than herself. Plus, she get's to do it beside the greatest hero of all time. Spidey thinks she means Cap, but she corrects him, she's talking about the Web Head. Despite not being as perfect as Captain America, Spider-Man did prove himself out there as a leader to her and she admits she wouldn't want to miss this action with him for anything. Despite not wanting to be here initially, Felicia ultimately can't get over the fact Spider-Man wanted HER here with him. And given their last meeting had him coldly rejecting her advances, it says to Felicia that Spidey still feels for her and she clearly does too. Black Cat then kisses Spider-Man... and it's the last kiss he'll ever receive in the series. That's right, Peter's first and last kisses on this show come from Felicia. How do you not expect anyone to read into that?

No matter what lame line Morbius tries to give at the end of the episode, Felicia's heart doesn't really belong to him. It is very evident, crystal clear, painfully obvious, to anyone paying attention, that Felicia and Peter, on this series at the very least, were specially connected. Maybe not at first, but Felicia became someone who could match Spider-Man, physically and mentally, in many ways. And it's undeniable that, regardless of anything else, Peter held feelings for both Felicia and her Super Thief persona. Their banter was perfect, their partnership was top notch, the chemistry was amazing. The only thing keeping them apart was a story writing mandate from on high that they could not be endgame. Even though the writers took every chance they could nab to put them together. To shove Felicia back into Peter's life, even after she went off Slaying it up with Morbius. When I rewatched the series, it became painfully obvious who the writers seemed to prefer Peter with. None of this is to knock MJ as a character, on this show or in the comics, but it's hard for me to buy that there wasn't some kind of bias towards Felicia given everything that happens in this show.

Or maybe they just wanted an excuse to keep bringing Jennifer Hale back, I don't know! But I still choose to think that someone on that writing staff wanted a different endgame. It's been known to happen, creative teams aren't immune to shipping. Avatar the Last Airbender apparently had an ongoing tug of war between the executive producers and some of the writers over whether Katara would pick Zuko or Aang. It honestly feels like something similar happened here and as a result it comes across as the best evidence in my mind that this relationship could work. And the insane reality that less than a decade after Spider-Man TAS concluded, a show that did everything to ensure Spider-Man never got with the Black Cat because Peter/MJ were too iconic to not happen... One More Day drops and Peter has barely been with MJ for more than a single run out of several writers since. Said single writer being Nick Spencer, the Hydra Cap guy! Possibly in an effort to redeem himself from being the Hydra Cap Guy.

But I digress, as one can plainly see concerning this short retrospective of the series above, the 90s Cartoon has been over for a long time. Next year, it will be thirty years old. I can point out how it could've worked in that show, but that does nothing to prove Felicia and Peter ever have a chance now. All it shows is that I have a nostalgic attachment to this pairing because of an animated series. One with a highly different set of canonical circumstances between Spidey and the Black Cat that were crafted uniquely for this show alone. Circumstances that are worlds apart from the comics.

And that's because, as loathe as I am to admit it, Peter and Felicia's relationship has always had roadblocks in every piece of media involving them before and since. And I would be remiss if I didn't address any of those before I can start proving its viability now. If I don't I'll just have to do it later anyway. We'll look at how SpiderCat appears in other works as we go through this, but we need to head back to comic book land if we're really going to lay down what's actually keeping these two apart, and it's not the very weak contrivances preventing them from figuring out the obvious like in the 90s cartoon. No, it goes deeper than that. As you can see here.

90s Felicia wanted Spidey to unmask for her, but Comics!Felicia has had a hang up about that for a long while. This is the crux, the problem, with their relationship. The thing that always comes up when SpiderCat shippers argue for it. Comics!Black Cat loves Spider-Man... not Peter Parker. And mixing the two is too much for her to bare. This is what put strain on their relationship, Felicia didn't want her fantasy ruined by knowing the man behind the mask. Peter being an ordinary guy shatters her illusions about his prowess and ability. The phrase "Anyone can wear the mask" comes to mind and as long as Peter wears it for the Black Cat that is true. Take it off and Peter's normality leaks into things.

As a result, the main problem is Felicia can't love a man like Peter, who has a normal life outside of his superheroing. Felicia doesn't want normal, she likes what she is, who she is, doesn't want to go back to it. She wants to be the Black Cat because as the Cat she can do and get whatever she wants. Peter is, again, weighed down by responsibilities. While Felicia, once again, desires her independence from everything, including responsibility. Felicia would rather Spider-Man give up being Peter and just be the hero who swept her off her feet full time. To forever chase her across the rooftops and do what they want whenever they want. She's fine if that means fighting bad guys... so long as they're not tied down to normality. But Peter can't do that, he can never do that, not as long as he has ties to his life as Peter. And that's probably why Wells is considering severing a pretty big tie to that in order to make sure SpiderCat can't be reversed so easily. Can't really blame him for that though, given how comics are in constant flux. (Remember This)

This sort of issue is constantly reinforced. In the Spider-Man 2 video game, based off the Sam Raimi sequel, The "Spidey's loss of his powers" sub-plot is replaced by Black Cat trying to seduce him away into forever crime-fighting as his relationship with Mary Jane becomes strained due to her upcoming marriage to Jonah Jameson's son. Their dynamic matches the comics pretty well... and that means Spidey eventually breaks it off with her, saying he can't abandon his real life to forever play superhero with her. He needs a balance and that means he can't see her anymore. She leaves amicably, but it's sad to see happen.

In the Spider-Man: Web of Shadows game, Black Cat is revealed to still have feelings for Spider-Man and wants to be back together with him. This is pretty bad timing given the symbiote invasion going on. As the game is using the then popular trend of multiple choice endings there is one where you can have Black Cat be with Spider-Man at the end. It requires you basically healing her after a fight with your black suit, turning her into a Venomized version of herself. You can still pick the good ending after this where you defeat the Symbiotes, but all you know for sure is that MJ and him are on quits. You only see Felicia again if you pick the bad ending where Spider-Man breaks bad fully and decides to lead a symbiote army with Felicia by his side. Further emphasizing the idea that Peter can't pick being with Felicia without abandoning everything that makes him who he is.

There's also Spectacular Spider-Man, the other beloved Spider-Man animated series. Shorter-lived, but just as impactful. Where Spidey and Black Cat seem to hit it off during the start of Peter's whole symbiote storyline. Their banter is great, the chemistry fits, Felicia and Pete seem destined to be star-crossed opposite sides of the law lovers. However, when they meet up again Felicia is breaking her father out as she usually does... but the twist this time is Felicia's father is the one who shot Uncle Ben.

Naturally this completely wrecks any goodwill concerning Black Cat and Spidey's second meeting. As from here on out he's adamant Felicia's dad is not getting out. While it turns out Dad doesn't want to leave either and he decides to sacrifice his chance at freedom to stop a mass jailbreak of supervillains, that changes little. Spider-Man does not forgive Felicia's father and Felicia blames Spider-Man for infecting her dad with sentimentality. Even knowing he took an innocent life, all Felicia sees is her dad rotting away in jail. She declares she'll never forgive Spider-Man for this and rushes off in anger. The series ended shortly thereafter and this was never resolved. Greg Weisman, the show's creator, says if it had continued the relationship would've been "fraught." And once again this is the typical line concerning the fact Felicia's selfish desires run up against Spider-Man's heroic responsibility. And letting a criminal get away, especially one that killed his Uncle, is just something he can't do.

And I could go on, there are a ton of examples of this very problematic element of the relationship. It's the thing Marvel has consistently used to explain why Peter and Felicia aren't the right fit. Any romance would require either character to make sacrifices they are incapable of. Namely Felicia's independence and Peter's Responsibilities. Marvel itself decided to set this in stone to a degree with the usual question they ask... "What If?"

"What if... Spider-Man Married the Black Cat?" is the second part of a longer What If storyline answering what would happen if Peter and MJ did not get married. (HA! After OMD, one cannot help but laugh!) And as much as that cover paints wedded bliss... it's anything but. Felicia and Peter come to blows repeatedly, unable to reconcile their differences. Their goals are far too distant from each other overall and they just can't find common ground. By the end of the issue, Felicia lies dead, Spider-Man heart broken and the grim reality that this romance could never work is cemented in stone it seems. "What Ifs" aren't definitive statements about the only possible outcomes for the Marvel universe. But they are definitive statements from Marvel itself, a decree from on high that the current continuity, for all its faults, could be so much worse and we should be happy for what we have. And while the issue is loaded with nice panels that any SpiderCat fan would adore, the end result is still plain as day. Felicia and Peter are too oil and water to ever mix. And the end result would be the destruction of one or both.

How do you overcome the dreadful reality that your ship is declared doomed forever by the very company that in some sense set it in motion? Not just because Spider-Man can never be happy, but because the Black Cat is just too toxic a girlfriend to ever truly make him happy. Everyone argued that MJ and Peter's marriage was boring but they didn't want him to get with the next best option either because they think it's non-compatible, that they're just too different and of opposing thoughts to ever reach common ground.

And Marvel has tried to permanently set that in stone in canon once. To forever place SpiderCat as beyond possible, to sever their connection as decades long allies... and all because of an octopus in the brain.

The image above is not that of Peter Parker fighting the Black Cat. This is Doctor Otto Octavius, piloting Peter's body after jacking his mind. This is the Superior Spider-Man, and he does not care about Peter's past infatuations. He's here to prove he's the better Spider-Man and that means apprehending all criminals. In an otherwise re-affirming storyline that proves Peter Parker is the true Superior Spider-Man, Otto failing to live up to his lofty ambitious boasts, this scene... this one bloody scene, leads to the absolute low point period for all SpiderCat Fans. I call it the "Bitch Be Crazy" Era, an offensive title for a frankly offensively disgusting sub-plot in the Spider Run post-Superior.

Peter Parker informs all his Superhero buddies that Doc Ock had taken over his body for a long time, explaining his shitty behavior for the past year or so. Most everyone's response is "Oh, yeah, that's obvious in hindsight." Not Felicia.

The tables have turned, now Felicia has broke bad, but for real. And there is no way to describe what she becomes but extremely out of character. She doesn't accept Spider-Man's explanation, she doesn't even care. She is now obsessed with becoming the next Kingpin of Crime, a murderous, merciless mob boss who pulls the strings of supervillains, all in a bid to destroy Spider-Man and all he holds dear and it's absolutely, completely, stupidly, idiotically terrible. No matter how selfish Felicia can be, this is NOT her. Felicia has never shown any desire to be a crime boss, to be feared. Her desires have always been thrill seeking, shiny things and not being told what she can and can't do. She might be violent, but she is not a cold-blooded killer. She might be cynical, but she is not this petty. Every element of this terrible subplot makes no sense unless she's absolutely lost her mind or been replaced by a Skrull.

The only fun thing in this whole mess, was that Gwenpool's first in-universe story took place during this sub-plot and she crossed paths with her. And then did this.

I guess that justifies putting a Gwenpool tag below somewhere. Win for me!

Suffice to say, no one liked this change. Everyone hated it, even more than Superior Spider-Man. People came around on that, no one liked Felicia the Big Black Cat of Crime. Dan Slott could never justify it because it made no sense that Felicia would care this much about street cred because Spider-Man beat her up. As if there isn't a single crook in New York at this point who can claim Spider-Man hasn't knocked out one of their teeth. Others tried to explain it, to give it a more sensible face. There was an explanation in the Silk comic, but it didn't really stick as something that would drive her to this extreme. Regardless, it was a dark time for SpiderCat Shipping Fandom. And it took way longer than it should've to fix it all.

But it did get fixed and that brings me the counter to ALL of this stuff that stands in Peter and Felicia's way. And that is that no matter how much things stay the same, comics always inevitably change and so do the characters in them. We like to pretend that the way we see a lot of the characters in comics now has just always been them. But no, they're not. Batman used to carry a gun in his early days, Superman didn't always fly, Captain America, a WW2 Veteran, claimed he never killed anyone for a short time, Deadpool didn't always break the 4th Wall and Starlord used to be a lot more of a straight edged serious space hero and not a rock music lovin' dancin' fool of a rogue Han Solo. Tastes change, writers change, people change... and so has Felicia.

Felicia hasn't always been honest with Peter, she's tricked him into chasing her, played him to get away with a score, gotten superpowers from Kingpin in an effort to keep up with him which led to their first break up, she even dated Flash Thompson trying to make him jealous. But if one thing has been consistent, it's that Felicia can't help but cross back into Peter's life. And in the process, because she cares, even loves him, there are things she's had to accept, to admit to. And chief among them is Peter Parker is Spider-Man and Peter Parker's life is as if not more important to him than just being Spider-Man. She hasn't only loved Spider-Man for years at this point, for a long time. She loves both. and she is willing to accept both. If there is any problem, it's Peter accepting Felicia for who she is... which is a better person than even she gives herself credit for.

Spider-Man wouldn't be partnering up with Felicia so often if he didn't believe there was more to her than just a shallow thief. And the influence has affected Felicia, she's admitted as much. Maybe her shift to doing good was set off by a crush, but she owned that change and she kept pushing herself. She'll never have a strict moral compass, but she does know what the right choice is at the end of the day, what feels right. And when Spider-Man needs an ally, he can call on her as much as anyone. Spider-Man being in her life has only been a net positive for Felicia, Peter being with her has only been a net positive. And that brings us back to her time as a lame crime boss and how they fixed her. Because there's a better, deeper, actually meaningful reason for their schism besides Felicia's loss of street cred.

She forgot the man she loved and changed for.

Yep, we're factoring One More Day into this thing proper like. After an adventure with Venom and Spidey, dealing with some symbiote nonsense, Felicia is convinced to hash it out with the Wall Crawler. And she admits to him that she lost something, his face. When Spider-Man made the world forget who he was under the mask it affected Felicia too. All her memories, all the time spent with Peter post reveal, everything that she knew about the man behind the mask... it was either gone or in a fog. She can't remember all those times that Peter trusted her with who he was and it has been eating her up inside for years! And Spider-Man never thought about how that would affect her, a person he's loved, been intimate with, and at least now cares about. That was an important time in her life and it's just gone now. And it may be selfish to want all of it back and even demand it back... but she's right. Those memories were hers and Spidey took them away. And Spider-Man, being selfless as he is, can't just let that stand anymore.

Everyone says Felicia only loves Spider-Man, but that's not true. She may love the Spider... but she changed for the Man. She cherishes that time she had with that Man. And it's hard to believe that she doesn't love the Man as much as the Spider because, ultimately, they are the same person. That's the other difference between this and Bruce/Selina. Bruce Wayne is the mask for the boy who died in that alleyway, Batman is who he's been since that day. Peter and Spider-Man are the same person, it's why he can't leave either persona behind. And Felicia has long since accepted that, and that has never changed how she feels about him until she lost who he was beneath the mask. Now it's all back, the highs and lows of that tumultuous time in her life when she fell for a Spider and came to love the Man. It doesn't heal everything, but it repairs the bond that was broken so long ago and so unintentionally.

There is, however, another argument being floated around these days I have to address. That even if Felicia can accept the man beneath the mask, do either really NEED each other? I'd point to all the stuff above that shows how that's simply not true, but there's more to it than that. Love isn't always about what you need, it's just as much about what you want. And I'm not talking about a person or thing, not something material. What does Felicia want? What does Peter want?

Felicia wants to be more than what she is, always has been. She wants thrills, she wants to be her true self and I feel Spider-Man brings out those qualities more than any of her other boy or girlfriends, especially since he started her path to change and growth. She stops being selfish and reacts more selfless. His influence on her is undeniable and she knows as much as anyone. She'll never be a good girl, but she'll at least be a better one than she is without him in her life.

Peter wants to be at peace, to be happy with who he is, to not always feel burdened. Felicia has always been one of the ways he's released that burden, he's been happy with her. Sure he's been happy with others, but Felicia has met him on a level that none of them could, she's been able to be in the thick of it with him. She's been able to share the burden. She's been able to be an active participant. With her around, Peter's world as a superhero doesn't feel so lonely. And maybe, if Felicia could accept the man as much as it seems she has, so too could she accept Peter's regular life.

In Taylor Swift's song, Anti-Hero, she reflects on how exhausting for her it's been that she hasn't seemed to learn anything and keeps making the same mistakes over and over. And if you pay attention to the lyics enough, they start describing Felicia Hardy pretty well.

I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis (tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming (For the last time)

However, just as much of it can sorta apply to Spider-Man as well. His heroic selflessness is frankly a very long depressing slog of him being unable to forgive himself for letting down Uncle Ben, placing all the blame on his shoulders and then repeating that process whenever his great power can never live up to his great responsibility.

Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving And life will lose all its meaning (For the last time)

When it comes to Spider-Man and the Black Cat, a lot of the things that make them unhappy are self-inflicted. Lewis Lovhaug of "Atop the Fourth Wall" Fame has argued that the problem with Spider-Man in a lot of modern stories is that he never learns from anything. He hasn't done enough to improve himself as Spider-Man or as Peter Parker, he just keeps feeling sorry for himself that one gets in the way of the other. And frankly, the same curse has affected Felicia. Because a lot of what has prevented her from being with Spider-Man has been herself. Ultimately both will, as the song says, always look towards the bright sun of what they think they want, but never in the mirror. They'll hurt themselves, never realizing that they're the source of their own dissatisfaction with how their lives are. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero, especially when its yourself.

Maybe Peter and Felicia don't need each other, but they do need someone to set them straight and get them to stop believing their own bullshit. To make them stare away from the sun and into the mirror. Because they are each exactly the kind of person who would do that for the other, in fact they've been doing it for as long as they've been together. Their bond is stronger than people give it credit for.

Early on in their relationship, Black Cat was badly injured and has to be rushed to a hospital. Helpless to really do anything, Peter could only stand by her bedside and hope she'd be okay again. For all his power, once more, he can't do anything but just stay with her. And actually, that's enough.

But come now, would Felicia ever do the same for Peter you ask? Well... during a recent story event, Spider-Man was badly injured and slips into a coma. But there was one person constantly by his side throughout it.

This isn't derogatory, Felicia is clearly lamenting the fact that someone so good who does everything so selflessly despite no thanks or praise, is so constantly placed into situations like this. It's unfair to her. It's why she's here now, like he was for her. And just like before...

It's Felicia who gets the first response out of him. Claim all you want that Felicia doesn't need Peter, that she's moved past him, that Peter and MJ are too perfect for each other, that the Black Cat can't ever settle down like Peter probably wants or that Peter can never really be there for Felicia in the way she wants. But I don't buy it. And stuff like this is why.

No matter how much bad luck she is, Spider-Man wants and in some ways needs the Black Cat is in his life. And no matter how much she can try and say she's over it, The Black Cat will always find a way to cross paths with her Spider.

In the recent PS4 Spider-Man game, Felicia came back after a stint of going straight to prepare for a major strike back against Hammerhead and the Maggia families. She coerces Spider-Man into another of her games where she steals $50 Million worth of stuff and forces him to chase her around the city to find it all. She leaves the loot behind though, because it was all trick to break into the police evidence lockup and snag her old gear. But she did leave Peter a cool new suit, a reference to the time when Felicia made a new black suit for Peter after giving up his symbiote. You know, so they match.

Felicia's little game comes to fruition when "The Heist" DLC comes out. Felicia strings Spidey along, pretending Hammerhead has her son, strongly implying its his. Ultimately this is revealed to have been a lie of course, another game. Because this, to Felicia, is basically the perfect date night. Spider-Man chases her, they team up, she gets what she wants and runs off into the night. In this case the entire wealth of the Maggia after double crossing Hammerhead. This gets a target on her back instantly. Spider calls her to warn her, leaving Felicia more than a little surprised.

Felicia: I just conned you and here you are trying to save me. How can you be so damn nice all the time?

Spidey: It's not about being nice, it's about doing the right thing! You have so many talents, I wish you'd use them to help someone other than yourself.

Felicia: Yeah well, you should know by now that's not how I roll.

Spidey: People can change, Felicia.

Felicia: Love you, Spider. I'll miss you.

Felicia's penthouse explodes and she appears to die. But eagle eyed players would notice the puff smoke just before the bomb goes off. The Black Cat fakes her death more than Doctor Doom uses robots. Felicia got away, scot-free, with all the money she could ever need or want. She conned Spider-Man, Hammerhead and everyone. She won hands down and can do whatever she wants from now on. No one will be looking for her. Hammerhead's plans to utilize weapons of war to take over the city isn't her problem.

And yet...

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Felicia comes back to help Spider-Man, knowing it will basically put her on the radar again given everything she's stolen. She doesn't stay, but she saves him and gives him the means to take Hammerhead down. No matter what anyone thinks of Felicia, especially herself, she is not nearly as incapable of being selfless as one thinks. And this is true of most of her incarnations. Perhaps because the Black Cat will do anything to get what she wants, even if it means turning over a new leaf for her Spider. It's how this all started after all. Selfish Selflessness, it's probably the best middle ground Peter can hope for. But at least it means he can count on her, to be selfish. And that's why she'll always be there for him. Felicia doesn't like to lose the things she has.

I think it also says a lot that many players felt that Peter and Felicia's chemistry was loads more interesting and compelling than his relationship with the estranged version of MJ Spidey has to deal with. And frankly, Felicia being in those stealth sequences would've made a million times more sense. There are some who have even speculated, with no real proof mind you, that Felicia was lying about lying about having a son. That she DOES have one, he just wasn't in danger. But of course, that's unlikely. For the same reason Peter remains hung up on Mary Jane in this game despite the fact most players seem apathetic to them getting back together. Spider-Man being a father out of wedlock is something that Marvel is not really prepared to sign off on. Just as much as they resist him being with someone other than MJ in other media, despite not wanting him to be with her in the comics.

It all seems so arbitrary to me, that they just can't be together because of the iconography of Peter and MJ. Or because she can't love the man the Spider is, which isn't true. Or Spider-Man can't change her or trust her, which also isn't true. If there has ever been a more consistent, sustainable, supportive and bonded character to Peter Parker it has been Felicia Hardy. Romantically or platonically, Felicia has dropped things to be there for Peter. And the idea that they are toxic for each other has never rung true. People can change, and this romance proves it. They just need to be given the chance to do so, and have the right person along for the ride. And the forced separation feels more arbitrary when you take into consideration, that Marvel has kept MJ and Peter apart for over a decades worth of comics and has never bit the bullet on simply just letting Felicia and Peter be together until now.

Some have claimed the new romance is out of the blue, that Spencer was setting things up to undo OMD, and that Wells just pulled this off out of nowhere. Well... no. Because those scenes where Felicia brought Peter out of his coma, the re-unmasking, the re-entry into his life through a number of adventures... Spencer either wrote those himself or they were written in conjunction with his run. People have confirmation bias, I'm no different, I don't claim to be. However, everyone has wanted OMD to be undone since the storyline first concluded. Marvel has played with fans' heartstrings that it will do so and it has prevented Peter from moving on because if he's not in a committed sustainable relationship, there's always hope that Mephisto's deal will be undone! And it has not helped anyone in the slightest to keep buying that horse crap.

The fact is I'm honestly sick of this "will they won't they" garbage from Marvel on undoing One More Day and I think more people should be by this point. Let me make this perfectly clear, even if they undo the deal... they're not getting remarried. Marvel simply is not interested in going down that road for Spider-Man again. Even with the new Spider-Verse movie showing Peter B. with a kid. Because the problem has never been they won't let Peter be married to MJ. The problem is they won't let Peter grow. The problem is they won't let him move on and change. They stick him in a misery spin cycle and just never let him out.

Why not just end the charade? Let Peter grow. Let Felicia grow. They both already want to. They both already desire to. And they both have already done so for the other. Felicia has been there to challenge and push him, while also protecting and supporting him. And Peter has undeniably changed Felicia as a person. She may never have the same moral compass, but she's no longer as lost as she once was. Her selfish cynicism is kept in check when it comes to Peter. And his selfless self-destruction is held back thanks to Felicia. Why deny them the chance to both be truly happy? Especially when they make each other better people. Why deny chemistry that is so perfectly balanced in its contradiction?

I don't begrudge people for preferring Mary Jane being with Spider-Man. I'm more or less at peace with the reality that some pairings are just thought of as the default and nothing is really gonna change that. I prefer Rogue with Deadpool, that doesn't change the fact she'll always be with Gambit. What I wanted to stress with this isn't so much an argument to ship it so much as the ultimate reason I simply can't let these two go.

For me, SpiderCat speaks on some primal level, more than wish fulfillment, but the idea of growth. That love can hold you up in your worst moments, or change you for the better. That it can make you look in the mirror and ask, who do you want to be? What do you want? What is worth changing for? Felicia found her answer, a nerdy, selfless, eternally tormented wall-crawler, who should know better than to go chasing her trying to save her from herself... but does it anyway. How could she not return the favor and be there for him? It's hard to say whether he caught her in his web, or if she just loves walking across his path. What is certain is they are bonded to each other, in one way or another. And that's the only thing about either character that I don't think can ever truly change.

Well this was a long one, and probably a lot more introspective and personally relatable than I thought. I think now have a better understanding of what has always drawn me to these two. And also now think I have discovered the song that describes them both so... thanks Taylor Swift! Whatever future this rekindled romance holds in the comics, we'll see how it shakes out. But I can enjoy the ride even if some of it has been rocky. Not the first time I've had to deal with that.

If you're still here, congrats, you've made it to the end. And I hope I didn't completely bore you all with this fairly overly comprehensive look at a pairing spanning various mediums and continuities. But I like to be thorough. So I hope you can appreciate the amount of work I put into this whole thing for you all. If I ever do this again I can only hope it won't be so... all encompassing. But I make no promises.

One thing I know though, I'm probably gonna be riding and dying these two forever. The Cat and her Spider, the Self and Selfless. Beautiful in the mess they are apart and the whole they are together.

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