#most days im too tired to feed myself

[moss-and-marimos]

I feel the weight on me every single day how badly I need to get a job, I know I need a job, I feel so much guilt about it, but I dont think I can handle a job right now with school and on top of that my assorted undiagnosed disabilities and chronic fatigue make it so hard and I just cant I know I need to but I cant

[gatorbites-imagines]

Knock knock, whos there?

A reader who's very sad at how empty the Ftm Reader X Jason Todd tag is.

Can we get something sweet between the two of em? Maybe just something depicting a slow morning? Thank you if so, <3 Im longing for more food.

-🐊🪶

Jason Todd x FTM reader

Headcanons

Im basing the readers experiences off of myself, so it may not fit all trans readers and what they’ve gone through. I also gave them pet cats, because I love cats. The reader being trans doesn’t fill much of this, since it doesn’t effect their relationship a lot, but I hope you still like it.

On days where there we no plans, no druglord word, no Red Hood or batfam work, and you had time off from your job or classes, Jason and you liked to take it slow.

The two cats Jason had found on patrol one night laying splayed out on the bed like they owned the place. One was a very large tomcat with big puffy cheeks, even after being neutered, the second cat was smaller, scrawnier but so very long. They had smartly been named Tomcat and Longcat by Jason.

On days where you two liked to sleep in, you could find yourselves being awoken by the beautiful sound of Longcat yowling like was dying, because neither of you had filled their bowls on time. Tomcat was a big baby, but liked you more than Jason, so the moment Jason gets up to feed Longcat his spot is stolen.

Since he’s already up and his spot had been stolen by a cat the size of a medium sized dog, Jason just decides to start going about his day. He ends up finding outfits for you two for the day, and if you wear a binder hell ask if you want to wear one today or not.

Your handsome partner always gives you a kiss before leaving the bedroom, Tomcat tries to get in the way though. It just results in Jason giving Tomcat a bit smooch too, which the cat just wags his tail at.

You’ll keep lying in bed for maybe another 15 minutes, just snuggling with Tomcat and listening to the sound of Jason taking his shower and brushing his teeth, sometimes at the same time. Longcat is meowing the entire time of course, thinking that Jason is drowning.

You let Jason finish up before getting up, tucking Tomcat in after getting up as you should, before going about your own routine. After your shower you stand and airdry for a while if you have to put on a binder, since you can’t pull those on with damp skin.

This is where youll stand half asleep and brush your teeth, Tomcat and Longcat both watching you, one from the tub and one from on top of the toilet. Its also where Jason likes to come up behind you and just hug you as he buries his face into your neck for a bit.

The morning hug and kiss is needed for his day to go well, that’s what Jason says anyways. If he doesn’t get a kiss from you then his whole day is doomed to go badly in one way or another.

He makes sure to hug you before you apply your T gel if you use that, since he knows he isn’t allowed to touch you after applying it. Hes also an expert at helping you inject T if you need it, and you do it from home. Or if your injection point is still aching from your last injection, then Jason is your guy in making it feel better.

If you’re a breakfast person you two will go into the kitchen to make something. On days like this, Jason can be tempted to make a bigger for complicated breakfast. Most days breakfast is an easy and quick affair though.

Longcat is of course still meowing for treats, acting like he hasn’t been fed and like hes still a streetcat living on scraps. Tomcat is just your big hovering shadow, watching from the doorway into the kitchen with his tail neatly curled around his front paws.

You two end up just eating breakfast on the couch as you watch whatever you two can find, though its most likely a comfort show or movie, something you two have watched many times before.

Jason takes the empty bowls or plates into the kitchen before coming back, so you two can cuddle some more as you’re both still quite tired after Longcats very loud awakening.

Jason never minds what you wear or how you wear it, as long as youre comfortable, so you being trans doesn’t really make any difference in your guy’s mornings together. Just what Jason finds for you to wear, and if your hormone treatment makes any differences.

It’s very hard not to fall back asleep on the couch, especially as Jason pulls you to his chest and wraps a blanket around you both.

Tomcat and Longcat obviously quickly join you, both of the cats curling up in whatever nook and cranny they can find and purring up a storm, making both you and Jason more and more sleepy.

You both don’t mind that you fall back asleep on the couch together, since there’s nothing planned for the day, and what’s playing on the tv is something you both know front to back. It just feels nice to be able to let go and drift off again together, even if it’s not in bed.

[rqbossman]

I found out about tma from my friend because he asked me to make an edit of michael distortion and got into it a few months later. I LOVE TMA. I mostly listened to the whole thing three times when I was mostly offline because I have the 200 episodes downloaded on YouTube and now I'm finding out that there's some stuff I missed, there's bloopers, q&a and I was in the wiki because i wanted to see how many times the admiral was mentioned and theres one what the ghost episode? IM GOING INSANE. I love tma. I think it's rotting my brain... it's everywhere, it's in my veins. I need to know everything but when I try to search these things up on YouTube it only shows me rusty quill gaming which I will be watching later but where do I find the other stuff where is the best place to listen to tma and find every extra lore even if it's just the tiniest squeeze of lore? I need to know y'all really did an amazing job with tma, I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of listening to it. I need to relisten to it before hell— I mean... School starts again. Lord save us for another year of merciless torture. Also I was trying to type this fast and forgot to say hi. hi Mr Alex, I hope you're having an amazing day/night when you see this. I promise to listen to all the podcasts rusty quill has after I learn every little squeeze of tma lore. Where is the best place to listen to and learn every little squeeze of information of all of rusty quill podcasts? (I absolutely did not install Tumblr just to ask this what do you mean 😓😓😓)

Lovely to hear from you and thankyou for the kind words. To list good locations for TMA Lore: 1) The podcast feed is obviously first port of call and includes some bonus materials between seasons 2) Our Patreon has an absolutely enormous amount of content in there now and I believe it should at this point be organised into collections so you can just look up TMA and it's all there for you (although that is behind a paywall) 2) Any video QNA's/events etc. not included in the main feed should be on our twitch channel. 3) Rustyquill.com has various links dotted around that have snippets too 4) The fan wiki is a very strong resource. Like any wiki there is the odd error here or there but for the most part its astonishingly accurate and detailed. 5) Special mention to whoever keeps our TV Tropes pages up to date. It was when I saw a proper entry for The Magnus Archives on that site that I actually started to call myself a "proper" writer.

[jaiden-zhou]

(2) casual iso <3

contents: headcanons, reader is a uniqlo employee for plot purposes, self indulgent

part 2,, i couldnt help myself alright? its a little rushed but i just needed to get this out

this part is inspired, actually this whole casual iso thing is inspired by @angelltheninth 's pining! iso post

its actually really funny how i love pretty much all their posts and writing for at least six months and now just started following them thats how often i see their content in my feed i just never hit the follow button im sorry

part 1, part 3

.

.

iso who starts giving you a discount on your drinks, just as long as you give him your employee discounts in uniqlo and the exclusive early news on unreleased lines and collabs

iso who talks to you like everyday now haha

iso who then starts to pine for you, hard

iso who most to all of the time has his eyes on you not just when you speak, he actually almost tripped on a curb because he was so focused on you

iso who low-key craves your attention, after the first time you hugged him after he accompanied you home, he's started wishing he could hug you for long periods of time

iso who gets teased by yoru and phoenix for crushing on you, he's already embarrassed enough with the realization he likes you

iso who gets flustered with every physical interaction you two have, hugs? freezes up a bit before wrapping his arms lightly around you (poor baby's a little awkward), tugging his hand along? cheeks dusted pink, the occasional brush against his fingers? ears a little red <3

iso who started carrying bluetooth earbuds when he's out with you instead of headphones, it gets him to focus on you more, and maybe.. you two can listen to music together.. with his earbuds

iso who insists on giving you his jacket (the one that you found for him cough cough) when he sees you tense and shiver in the cold, he can handle it so just take the coat, man's not taking no for an answer

iso who out of habit, sub-consciously leans more towards you to hear your voice better, sometimes he stops himself and gets a little embarrassed with how close he is to you

iso who at any location, on the bus or train, at the movies, at any point if you're falling asleep, he's going to tilt your head towards his shoulder. it's fine you're too much into sleep to see his faint blush and endearing eyes on you

iso who sometimes pays for your food, you've had a rough day at work? snacks on him, some customer got on your nerves? he's got you a drink to cool you off <3

iso blushes a lot when you thank him, sometimes it's that same earnest smile you gave when you got him that jacket, sometimes it's a tired relieved smile with a small quiet thanks and your eyes are looking at him so sweetly and a little dazed from fatigue it makes his breath hitch and heart race a bit. "always.." he murmurs

iso who starts getting a little jealous when he's around you yet your attention is mainly on someone else, it gets a little much for him

iso who is a little noticeably annoyed when he sees you doubling over in laughter from gekko's stories, you two seem to be having a lot of fun

iso who doesn't know how to deal with how he's feeling, so whether he realizes it or not, he starts creating a bit of distance

iso takes his leave silently, going to the tea shop to work even on his day off to get his mind off of his envy

iso who left his phone on do-not-disturb full silence and in a locker so he doesn't look at it, meaning he doesn't see the worried texts and numerous calls to him from you asking if he's okay and where he went off to without telling you

iso who on his break in the back still without his phone and doesn't take mind of the bell that rings whenever the door opens and he just thinks it's another customer

iso who is surprised when it's you showing up through the door in a bit of disarray, heavy breaths, and chest heaving from exhaustion

------

"granny!" you barge through the door in labored pants. "granny, have you seen where zhao yu is? he hasn't picked up at all."

the elderly woman's mood is quite calm, maybe too much for your worry.

"oh yes, he's here, zhao yuuu! come out!" she beckons iso before he steps out curiously, eyes wide when they meet your own.

"what's goin' on-"

"where have you been?!" you cut him off in an approaching fury. "i've been texting and calling for hours, why didn't you tell me you left? why didn't you tell me where?"

he senses you're upset with him, pissed beyond what he's seen from you. and he panics.

"i.. granny called me in to ask me to work-"

"bullshit, yu." ah, you caught him. "if that was the case you would've at least told me, why?"

iso's hesitant, and his eyes show it the most when they lock contact with your hardened gaze before it softens into a vulnerable, pleading one.

"please.. don't lie to me." and his resolve breaks when he hears the pain and desperation in your voice. iso's head hangs low and his eyes are now everywhere else but your own. "you made me really worried."

"i know, i know." he admits quietly and he can't help but lean close to rest his forehead on your shoulder. "i'm sorry.."

he's so quiet about it, ashamed about how immaturely he handled it and causing you stress, akin to somewhat like a kicked puppy.

"i'm sorry i tried lying to you," he starts off again, your hand swinging over his shoulder and the other at the back of his head to bring him in an embrace. he spills, voice is a little muffled against your shoulder. "i'm sorry i left without telling you, worrying you and having you run to find me. i'm sorry for not picking up or responding at all, that was childish of me.."

"but why?" you begged for a reason, he's closer to you than ever, torso flushed to yours and your grip firm, it makes him feel like he's melting as he indulges himself more into your arms. still hesitant.

"i'm.. sorry, i was.." he pauses, his face heating up with having to admit this to you of all people. "i didn't like.. i.."

gosh he'll never hear the end of this from yoru and phoenix.

"i was jealous" he whispered so quietly, if he was any farther than now you wouldn't have been able to catch it and honestly, he was hoping you didn't.

"oh, yu.." his heart soars at your soft voice. you pull away with a light giggle, just enough to see him, his face flushed with a slight pout.

you lightly brush his fringe apart, caressing his face and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead in a silent confession. iso's eyes are squeezed shut, red in the cheeks as his stomach does flips before giving into his desires and burying his head into the juncture of your neck to hide away from embarrassment. <3

[archangeldyke-all]

Hi baby, Im super like not myself lately and my writing has been suffering for it (I haven't touched my laptop since last week 🫠). Just wanted to pop in, say hi, I love you and I'm gonna be lurking and rereading fics on your page tonight for my own personal comfort. Also whenever you feel like it, I've been thinking about black vamp reader and sev going out for their first hunt together, that's all 🥺🥲 Kisses if you want them ladybug 😚

marsssss a million kisses for you baby i'm sorry you're in a funk <3. i love you so so so much i hope you feel better soon! also, yes, lets do it!

disclaimer!! i'm white-- so i'll try to make it an obviously black reader-- but if i make any mistakes just lmk and i'll change it asap!!

men and minors dni

sevika's nervous-- you can tell.

she hasn't let go of your hand since you arrived, and each time someone walks beside your hiding spot-- a dark little alcove in the alley behind a bar-- she gasps.

you squeeze her hand. "relax." you whisper. she huffs.

"can't we just eat more rats for a while?" she asks. you giggle.

"do you want to eat more rats?" you ask. she hums.

it took her a while to adjust to her new life as a vampire. she loves flying-- and even now, a month in to her transformation, she still giggles every time her feet leave the floor.

she's got beef with your little bat friend now that she can understand it-- and the feeling seems to be mutual, since he's always lunging at sevika and making her scream when he comes to visit you. they're both jealous-- possessive of you and your attention. you think it's cute.

when it comes to feeding though, sevika's still a little hesitant.

it's not the killing that puts her off-- hell, she does that anyways.

it's just that sevika became familiar with feeding with you, her acting as the blood bag. she thinks of it as something inherently intimate-- something that's meant to bond two people, something vulnerable.

and while it can be that, most of the time it's much more brutal and much less sexy-- and sevika's had some trouble wrapping her head around it.

but you've gotten tired of draining rats with her-- you miss the full bodied taste of human blood. and she's not really a fan either-- the fur tickles her too much for it to be enjoyable.

which leads you to now.

"what about him?" sevika asks as a drunk man stumbles by your hiding spot. you snort.

"he's not drunk enough." you say. sevika huffs.

"how long do we have to wait?" she whines, tugging your hand in hers. you giggle and press a kiss to her cheek. she relaxes at the press of your lips on her skin.

"as long as it takes, babe." you say. she sighs.

"you didn't tell me being a vampire would be so boring." she groans. you giggle.

"i did, actually." you say. sevika pouts. "c'mon, you don't have any enemies you wanna drain?" you ask. sevika huffs.

"i already told you! i don't have enemies-- at least not for long. i took care of 'em all already." she says, pouting again. you snort.

"so we're stuck here until you make a new one or someone comes stumbling by wasted." you say. she sighs. you kiss her to placate her again, and she hums against your lips. "it's not all bad." you remind her. "i never had a companion with me on my hunts-- this is fun."

"oh, have i been demoted to companion now?" she asks, glaring at you. you giggle.

"well, i don't see a ring on my finger." you say, teasingly wagging your fingers in front of sevika's face. she growls.

"you proposed to me! i don't need to get you a ring!" she cries. you laugh, reaching forward to fiddle with the ring that you pushed on her finger a month ago.

"i'm just saying-- until we say our 'i do's, legally, you're just my roommate."

"you're the one who won't let me take you to the courthouse--"

"they're up top and only open in the daytime! we can't get burnt on our wedding day sev!"

she grumbles, and you lean forward to kiss her again. she sighs against your mouth, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you against her body. you run your hands through her hair and tug, pulling a moan out of her.

just when she starts shoving a thigh between your legs, something down the alleyway clatters. you both look up and watch as a burly man doubles over and vomits behind a dumpster.

"hmm." you say, licking your lips as you examine the man. he's big enough for you to both get a decent drink from him, and drunk enough that he won't remember it in the morning. sevika nudges you.

"him?" she asks. you shrug.

"dunno. it's your first hunt, you tell me." you say.

you watch as sevika's eyes flit up and down the barfing man, her pupils widening and her tongue coming out to lick her lips in hunger.

"he... he's pretty drunk." she says. you nod.

"blacked out, probably." you say. she bites her lip. "can you smell him?" you ask. sevika sniffs the air, and her stomach rumbles. you giggle.

"f-fuck." she whispers.

"better than rats, right?"

"way better." she whispers.

"so?"

"i think it's him." she says, nodding at you. you smile.

"you wanna take the lead or just watch on your first hunt?" you ask. sevika shrugs.

"you go first-- i wanna see you in action." she says. you smile, kiss her cheek, then duck out of the alcove.

instinct takes over pretty quick. in a flash, you're in the air and flying over toward the man. you wait for the perfect moment, when he stands back up from vomiting, and then move in a flash.

your hand clamps over his mouth and your limbs wrap around his torso as you sink your teeth into his thoat from behind.

there's a muffled gasp and then a bit of a fight, but in a few seconds, he goes limp and falls to the pavement below him. you take a few big gulps from his artery, then pull off his neck and look over to where your fiance is watching you from her hiding spot.

"c'mere!" you call. she slowly walks over.

"'s a lot more scary when you're not doing it to me." she says. you chuckle.

"yeah, well, i wasn't as gentle and loving with him as i am with you." you say as sevika kneels on the other side of the man between you. you gesture at him. "go ahead." you encourage her.

sevika licks her lips as she looks down at the man beneath her, and then she leans down, lines her teeth up to the puncture wounds you'd left in his throat, and starts drinking.

"fuck." you whisper. she hums and looks up at you from where she's drinking, groaning at the taste. "that's so hot." you say. sevika laughs through her nose.

the blood in your body is filling you with strength and magic, and something warm starts bubbling in your stomach as you watch sevika drink from the holes you'd made in your victims neck.

it's hypnotizing. her throat bobs with each sip, there's a sweet furrow in her brow, and the little hums and grunts she lets out with each sip are incredibly tantalizing.

she's still new to it, and she's incredibly messy as she drinks. blood's covering her chin and cheeks, dripping slowly down her throat, and when she pulls away from him with a gasp, you nearly cum in your pants at the sight of your lover grinning and satisfied and covered in blood.

you launch yourself over the man between the two of you and tackle sevika to the pavement. she grunts as she lands, but quickly starts to laugh as you start licking up the blood covering her skin and grinding down against her thighs.

"fuck." you grunt. "you're so fucking hot." you whine.

"shit, i feel so..."

"warm?"

"yeah." she says, giggling-- a little high from the euphoria of finally drinking human blood. you grin then press your lips against hers. after a minute of making out, sevika pulls away with a gasp. "i want you." she says. you moan.

"you can have me."

sevika pushes you off of her then drags the two of you back into your hiding spot, quickly pushing both of your shirts under your armpits and pulling your pants down to your knees.

it's clumsy and messy and sticky with blood, but neither of you care as you grope and lick and kiss one another anywhere you can reach.

you're both high on blood, giggling and euphoric as you clumsily collide. it's a blur of brown skin on brown skin-- blood on fingertips and spit on lips as you grind and grope each other mindlessly.

you cum together, gasping against each other's mouths and shivering in each other's hands, and when you catch your breath, the first thing you say is "oh, i fucking love you."

sevika huffs and smiles, pressing another kiss to your lips.

"i love you too." she says, laughing. "i'm glad we still fuck after eating-- i was sad to let that go when you turned me." she says. you giggle.

"not regretting it after your first real feed?" you ask, tugging your pants back up over your ass and helping sevika button her own. she scoffs.

"hell no-- that was amazing. does it always taste that good?" she asks. you smirk and nod.

"of course, he's got nothing on your blood-- but i think that was more of a love thing than a taste thing." you say. sevika giggles.

"fuck off-- i taste amazing."

you grin. "yeah, you do." you say, shoving your thigh against her cunt. she gasps, then giggles.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby

[localsunnet]

monn rach lore because i cannot keep it to myself anymore sobbing (pt 1)

You read the title, monn rach lore (pt 1) because two people said yes

ill try to make it make sense because my grammar kinda sucks ass and i dont know how to properly explain things (and i’ll split it into 2-3 parts because i don’t want the post to be too long 💔💔💔💔)

also if it’s historically inaccurate im so sorry ,,

presented by yours truly (warnjng: i suck at writing)

Monn was born into the religious Rach family in Leipzig on 13th of March 1784, and is the youngest one among his siblings, Meier and Martin.

Since his father was an officer in the Prussian army and wasn’t usually home, Monn’s mother cared for him and his brothers alone, and she usually brought them to church. (you guys will not like his father, trust me)

When Monn is 2 years old, his mother started noticing weird behaviours from him, like not being able to speak properly. At first she thought it was nothing and figured he’ll grow out of it, but those behaviours followed him to his 5th birthday, and since the family’s religious she reaallyy started to believe that he’s cursed in a way and started ignoring him, only feeding him but basically just gave him no attention in fear that he’ll attract a demon or smth (this will NOT cause problems later on /sarc). Luckily his brothers think that’s bullshit so they started to care for him instead and taught him life skills, though mother would always warn them to not interact with him. Monn during this time also started to have small cannibalistic thoughts, which will NOT spiral guys!! /j

So Monn was no longer given attention by his mom and pretty much started to distrust her, only daring to approach his brothers for help. During this time he found an interest in cats, black cats to be specific, and he started to dream of being a veterinarian when he grows up.

One day during mass at age 6, he met Father Silvio, a new chaplain in St. Thomas, and he immediately trusted him with every atom of his being due to him looking like a white cat and followed him around, even though Silvio kind of didn't like him and would push him away every time they’ll interact. (he will come back later in clutch so keep him in mind)

When he was 10, Monn met a scholar (who I didn’t name but feel free to suggest) who was willing to teach him sign language and help him read and write properly after school. Most of Monn’s happy childhood memories came from his time with the scholar and he feels like he owed him a lot for it. Sadly the scholar had to leave Leipzig 2 years later and he never crossed paths with him ever again. Before he left, he did gift Monn a grey wool scarf as a sign of appreciation.

His life after that wasn’t super interesting, his routine was just wake up, breakfast, go to school, come back, dinner, sleep. Maybe add going to mass on Sundays but thats really about it.

And I’ll end it here for this part because im gonna TWEAK after using my brain to write this for 2 nights (which is apparently when my brain usually goes “write now”) (yes i did get sleep because i got tired) im so sorry guys for not writing the entire thing guh…

hopefully you guys can understand this and LIKE MONN’S LORE!!! (Any suggestions and criticisms are VERY welcome, making situations is also VERY allowed!!)

monarchy out and until i return

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/13/2024

writing cover letters like "Market Research Firm 953989464860, will YOU be my Valentine?"

also, a fallout 4 femslash fic for femslash feb

listening

Fresh Blood by the Eels off their 2009 album Hombre Loco. i would say this is another "i think a vampire probably wrote this low, grooving track" but there are several howls featured. wikipedia says it is about a werewolf. this song sounds like it has a simple bassline and simple drums but it knows what it's about. it's probably secretly really complicated but i specced in knowing about fabric, not about music.

it makes me want to ice skate really fast and also sounds like watching broken highway lane dividers go by late at night. fascinating that the back half of the four-plus minute song is fully instrumental. definitely a song for when you are traveling, or perhaps proceeding. spotify

Sun down on the sorry day By nightlights the children pray I know you're probably gettin' ready for bed Beautiful woman get out of my head I'm so tired of the same old crud Sweet baby I need fresh blood

i've been mainlining The Black Keys' album Brothers so it makes sense this popped up on my Discover Weekly spotify playlist

-

reading

in 2015, the year i dropped out of college, the closest comic/weird nerd shit store was a forty minute drive from my house. i bought the first issue of the serialized anthology comics magazine The Island bc i liked the Moebius-esque cover by Brandon Graham, before i knew who either of those artists were or that i liked them. i think it was ten bucks, and having to show my drivers' license really sticks in my brain for some reason. the point i am slowly approaching is that the magazine only ran for fifteen issues, and i didn't buy any other copies bc ten bucks a month was too dear for me, but it was a tremendous incubator for artists i would end up loving. about half the time i stumble across a lovely self-contained book that knocks my socks off i find out it started life in The Island.

All his life, Hank Cho wanted to join the ranks of the Habsec—the rulers of the orbital habitat his people call home. But when he finds a powerful, forbidden weapon from the deep past, a single moment of violence sets his life—and the brutal society of the habitat—into upheaval. Hunted by the cannibalistic Habsec and sheltered by former enemies, Cho finds himself caught within a civil war that threatens to destroy his world. A new barbarian sci-fi adventure by SIMON ROY (PROPHET, JAN'S ATOMIC HEART, Tiger Lung), originally serialized in ISLAND MAGAZINE.

Simon Roy's Habitat asks: do you want to hear a story about a generation ship gone wrong? this is a guy who really knows how to draw mechs and all their fiddly bits and loves doing it, which is a really transferrable skill to lovingly detailing the crumbling brutalist neo-mesoamerican architecture. the Habsec cannibals and their bits and pieces of scavenged armor blend in so well, it's genuinely shocking when we see someone in full, kept up, incredibly colorful armor. gorgeous, gorgeous book. love a fucked up generation ship.

found while perusing the stacks of the library that was closest to a bunch of other admin errands i was running, bc i finally have a tx drivers license and can start collecting tx library cards

-

watching

im also asking myself why the hell i'm watching yellowstone with my bestie and her husband. it has every trigger warning and a lot of them would make me decline the experience had i looked them up beforehand. however, the inevitablilty of each little tragedy feeding into the circular threshing maw that is the Dutton family is really clicking for me. like well! that mom sure did die in the most traumatizing way possible! and wow that really does go a long way toward explaining why the daughter is self-medicating to an alarming degree AND why no one else is doing anything about it bc they're all still mad at her for being very tangential to her mom's death!

the amount of Stuff that happens per episode is truly astonishing. one of my favorite parts of the ttrpg Beamsaber is the downtime between missions, bc you get to have some really bonkers interactions with people who don't usually interact. despite its huge cast, Yellowstone doesn't yet feel incoherent or like it's jumped the shark in its first season bc it's really successful at getting its huge cast to have unexpected interactions with each other. this sounds a little bit like praising it for knowing how to be good television, but this is a neowestern about a land grab that's also a familial dynasty drama that's really leaning into the familial dynasty part of it. it would be very easy for this to become incoherent or bad at switching between storylines, but so far it's really good at it. it's not beamsaber or black sails bc nothing will ever be beamsaber or black sails but it's really scratching that itch of many small rapidly shifting factions and rapidly shifting political goals bc each child is their own horrible little faction and they have a lot of time where they're trapped in cars or helicopters together getting around their ranch, which is simply too large.

we're trying to watch the yellowstone franchise in release order, and the yellowstone prequel with tim mcgraw came out between the first and second seasons. we will not be continuing this. this is a bog standard wagon train western. cripplingly boring after the brazen insanity of the first season. also i think it is in poor taste at best and irresponsible at worst to show a suicide on screen.

i said i don't know why i'm watching this but i do know why i'm watching yellowstone, and that's bc my bestie keeps seeing tiktoks about it. sometimes im influenced in real life

-

playing

changed my sheets this week and didn't chortle at the TOP OR BOTTOM tag which is how i know im having. a brain time. another way you can tell im having a brain time are these screenshots of the Breath of the Wild map. as you may or may not remember from last week, last week i had very little of the map filled out.

now is this EXPLORED? good heavens no. i have under 40 shrines DISCOVERED. i have simply beelined to each tower and went VERY fast. or was very sneaky. the three towers i have not bothered to climb yet are the ones i would have to actually fight some guys about. fuck the akkala tower for real.

i love to accidentally get way too close to dragons and die. some fun things about this run: incredibly, exceptionally rainy. except for the stint in the literal desert and the five minutes in the snowfield it has been raining about 70% of the time, which has made climbing very annoying. another fun thing about this run: exceptionally low ancient shaft drop rate, which makes getting ancient arrows to safely kill guardians from afar very difficult. bc as discussed above i have optimized this little blond boy to be very fast and very sneaky to get up the towers very quickly in the two minute spans of time it is not raining.

another fun thing about this run: not very good at successfully spitting out riders next to horses. you can only see the tip of spinch's hat bc he is underground.

i have unlocked the elephant and the falcon, i haven't gotten much farther than finding painkillers for the goron boss and stalled out at the yiga clan stealth mission. bc despite liking being a sneaky fast sniper out in the world, i fucking hate an enforced stealth mission. i don't think i ever got past this part in my other run either.

not jacked enough to unlock the master sword, i think you need twelve hearts? i would rather have more stamina so i can get faster horses + the princess's horse.

after i unlocked a bunch of towers i spent a goofy amount of time in the Lake Floria system herself hunting for treasure chests (there are easily fifty chests in the water. wild) to get the 10k rupees to unlock the last great fairy. i also spent several real-life hours video game mining video game ore. this was deeply annoying bc i sold off all my gems to get 10k rupees and then had nothing to get those sweet sweet high level upgrades with. this was the point on sunday night where i realized i was getting irrationally annoyed with a game that is supposed to be fun, and is NOT meant to support the kind of grinding i was doing. that was enough video game for one day thank you.

did you know there's a korok in the shrine of resurrection? me either.

also did you know magnesis ACTIVATES on the windmills in Hebra but i can't figure out how to get close enough to any of them to do anything about it. annoying.

this has got to be so funny from ganons point of view. i unlocked the elephant and the falcon in under a week of in-game time and then spent several in-game months mining and collecting clothes. would that make ganon more or less anxious d'you think

making

cross stitch update. this confetti in the rover square. i am dying. here’s what it will look like finished, and a link to buy the pattern

i had such high hopes for pin stitches as a thread finishing method but i had to rip out a mistake near a pin stitch and accidentally ripped out the entire pin and single confetti cross stitch. so what the fuck. i am an insane woman who likes to fully submerge and lightly hand wash projects before they get framed to remove all the oils (yes i wash my hands before stitching, i do get paranoid) and i am not confident pin stitches will hold up to that. oh well. the loop method is pretty great in halving the number of ends i have to weave in, even though i feel like it is extremely wasteful and leaves me with lots of short useless lengths my cats would love to eat. so the gains from halving thread management are really not offset by the meticulous cat management i must embark upon every time i do my fun relaxing hobby.

and the back, which is a horror. and will only become more of a horror. but once this is framed no one will actually see it so it's FINE. i am FINE with this. i started this knowing there was going to be lots of confetti. that's the point of this masochistic pattern

i wrote the first chapter of this fic last summer and outlined the emotional beats (but not much else) while procrastinating moving and have finally lightly polished the first chapter and threw it on the archive. im trying to let things molder less and just fucking post them in the hopes this activates the writing part of my brain again but who could say what's going on up there. this is still something that hasn't quite returned to me post-covid round 2

this will eventually be an E-rated 5+1 fic fixing all the fucking bullshit around Cait Fallout4's companion quest. she will NOT go in the magic chair that tortures her into not being a junkie and being the perfect waifu. she is going to stumble backwards and accidentally into some harm reduction and get railed by a mean top. the mean top and the harm reduction won't fix her but they certainly won't hurt.

[iantimony]

duesday

listening: idk, stuff on my phone on shuffle. some more coral bones youthemism i guess. friends at the table sangfielle, episode 3; i might not actually relisten to the rest of the arcs i already did and just skim the transcripts.

no children (ska remix) by sad snack: im back in my ska era. really funny song to have an upbeat ska tone.

the mountain goats deserters fan album: have not listened to the whole album yet but god, what a cool and unique thing that i don't think could really exist for most other bands. Five Fucking Hours

reading: Polynesian Tattooing Tools, linked from Fairhaven comic

why gen z is obsessed with point-and-shoot digital cameras: it's funny because a few months ago i was considering getting a cheap point-and-shoot to fuck around with. looks like i am not the only one who was thinkin about it.

i'm working my way through le guin's 'the left hand of darkness'! i bounced off it the first time i tried reading it a few years ago but last year i read a le guin short story anthology that had some stories set on karhide and i think that gave me a good enough primer on the world/her writing style to get it to stick this time. i'm enjoying it! it's a good book!

watching: mina le - booktok & the hotgirlification of reading: some good background video for crochet etc. bernadette banner - hand sewing regency stays should be quick...right?: oughhhhh so pretty. bernadette banner - this regency court gown is probably my favorite project ever: i won't lie i got a little misty-eyed at the artisans getting to sign their names on the robe.

rewatched the gay and wondrous life of caleb gallo. i forgot how good it is, it really holds up and is still funny

also, continued doctor who watch/rewatch. i'm ngl i think the way rory and amy were shoved off screen was...really stupid. "he can't go back to that specific year in ny :(" ok, before amy gets zapped back you just go "yo go to new jersey in a few days" and go pick them up. really silly imo

playing: fallow. did buy miserichord, omori, and slay the princess in the steam summer sale. i have signalis, voyager 19, and a short hike in my cart as we speak. more games that i haven't played to feed the steam library let's goooo

making: crocheted some granny squares.

pattern for the yellow one is this lantana square...if anyone has any interesting looking granny square patterns that would be good in one solid color send em my way!

thinking of getting this pattern too.

i realized this past week that my urge to Make has been very stale and derivative the past few years, if that makes sense. like i don't feel Creative, i see something and mimic it - i do paintings based on photos i took, i follow knitting patterns, i come across something ceramic and decide to make one of my own, i find reference images to copy. but no actual, like, Inventing on my own end. i think that's why i haven't done a lot of fanart or fanfiction as well, just no ideas. i know that's just part of the cycle of creativity and i'm just in a "hunter-gatherer" period of amassing skills and references but idk. i'm tired of it. i want to create more meaningful things but i have no actual ideas, the well feels dry, and i'm not sure how to fix that.

eating: fallow

misc: stares at my mom and brother doing politics doomerism re: supereme court ruling in the family group chat. looks away. chants 'nothing ever happens' to myself like a mantra.

[botgal]

God im so done goverments are trying to censor everyone on the internet across the world i don't understand how they have this much power and all just to sell our fucking data and get more money. They are lying to grieving parents and claiming they are protecting kids no the fuck you are not. And California bills. Their also planning on talking about banning tiktok again this monday i just want all of this to end im so done why is our are government fucking with everyone around the world like i don't get why they want to control us so badly and feed whatever propaganda they can.

I know we still should not give up that's what they want but im tired of worrying over everyones rights being taken away genociding happening in other countries. I hate that are governments claim they care just to spread their fascism/propaganda/being dictators. I know it's not grieving parents fault at the end of the day but i read an article about parents trying to push this bill to pass besides some old fucking fossils who should be under the grave. Like how can these parents trust these governments when time and time again they are just fucking us over how can they can realize kosa is not a good bil it also harms them it harms everyone in the end.

What i also don't get how are people not worried over kosa passing i know it's just a committee so not an actual vote yet people should still be calling. But people were making a big deal about kosa last year now people don't care at all anymore people are going to start panicking when it's too late always ends up happening. I'm just calling trying to manifest trying to keep positive about the whole ordeal just very tired....

Yeah, I won't lie to you. Shit sucks right now in a lot of ways. The government has never been your friend and all the rich people on earth just want to get richer with no regard for the people they tread on to get there. They all prey on vulnerable people by telling them what they're doing will help them or bring them closure or even just give them something to lash out at because that's what they do. They just keep taking and taking and want all humans to be nothing but working cogs.

People are worried, plenty I've seen. And it's up to us to spread these things so More people are worried and do something about it before they also lose something important. I'm one of the most evasive people when it comes to stress but even I know how to make myself buckle down when it counts. And now is when it certainly counts.

We have things we can do to pre-empt future harms as well as fight in the present. Pay attention to your state elected officials at both state and federal levels, see what their platforms are on certain ideas and either stand behind them or push them to see the light. *Senator Marsha Blackburn, one of the Senators behind KOSA and a blatant transphobe, is up for re-election this year, hint hint* We need to get as many good people in office as possible to keep anything like this from happening again. Push that blue wave so we can deal with people who might be semi reasonable.

We have the courts, we have people willing to stand for our rights. And even after any bills pass, we can always push back as long as we're here.

I understand being tired. We all are. But as long as they won't let it rest, neither must we. But I hope you will take care of yourself regardless.

[knightobreath]

I am once again reminded you are a real human being

My bad gang I’m sorry

Do not let them get to you

compiling these 3 specifically because theyre all probably about the fact that i said i was tired of getting intentionally trollish asks, so let me explain myself a bit more xP. its a lot because i love to talk

you guys shouldnt be too sorry! i did intentionally encourage these a few times, especially during the #mod 🫒's purgatory thing. because well, as a part of what i do on my blogs and streams I am a clown. i intentionally play as a sort of over-exaggerated feed-the-trolls fool because i think it makes me funnier. but the main issue is that I didn't set a proper boundary between intentionally goofy oliver and genuine human being oliver. This is a direct consequence of having everything be on my personal blog and not relegated to sperate spaces.

the sheer volume of asks ive been getting lately has made keeping up difficult and well. guys im kind of tired of answering nonsense or trollish asks. i'm not witty enough! i'm out of jokes! i've been riffing off of anons every day for like a month! and it is my fault for not just deleting stuff but i do appreciate when you guys want to joke around with me

okay. uh here is the part that is the Straws that Broke the Camel's Back. I can't tell when you guys are joking anymore. I can't gauge how much of the anon "hate" is jokes and how much of it is genuine. I can only tell for sure if it's like my friend saying it. If it isn't clear to me that a friend sent in an ask, it reads as if a stranger sent it. And I can't tell if a stranger is being genuine or not because I don't know you. a key example is the person who said something along the lines of "of course you're a skeleton if you're a vegetarian" which didn't read as a friendly jab but rather a stranger making assumptions about my diet to blame me for my body issues. i assume the anon just saw that those were both things the funny ask answering guy was talking about so they were free game for making fun of. kind of my fault though because as i said, there isnt enough of a boundary between when im being comedic and when i'm being genuine.

so like. tldr in conclusion i love receiving and answering asks and I did sort of have this policy of responding to Every Single One that I just can't do anymore and now I'm suffering from the horrible affliction that is "Bit That's Gone On For Way To Long" with a side effect of not wanting to go back on my word. and now that i actually want to be Real on Main people are going to try and bring it back to jokingly antagonizing me not realizing that it just becomes actual antagonizing when it's not about something i consider a joke. so im just gonna place down some boundaries

streams are a good time to send in silly asks, im in bit mode for that

i also dont take anything seriously on the oscc but please dont bother the other mods about it

im not responding to every ask anymore. Lol. if i cant think of anything funny its going into the void

might also start blocking anons who say shit that is Weird ! no more taking literally everything in good faith

you guys can still send silly asks i just want you to like. roll it back on the whole jokingly being mean to me thing. friends are exempt of course just make it clear that its YOU and not Internet Stranger #66951284

anyways love yall but also i dont know yall. or. most of yall. i accept the anon's apology👍

[scyphosunny]

vargastober day 11 was posted a couple days ago ! this is a huge one , so let's talk about it .

i wanted to write an entry for this one yesterday , but i wasn't home ! i was still able to write something , but i spent most of the day getting some sleep . SUNNY , SLEEPING MORE THAN 3 HOURS A DAY ? NEVER HEARD OF IT !

first of all . . . what happened with day 10's piece ? if im being honest , i can't really remember anymore . but i'll try .

ah , yes ! it was a busy day , overall . ( it really wasn't .

i spent some time with else on vc , had a nice time ! talked about a bunch of stuff . then , i tried to get something before 7PM . . . and while i did get a small sketch i wasn't really pleased with it . which is weird ! because i drew something similar a while ago . . .

THE COMPARISON IS FUCKING KILLING ME , WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE SWALLOWED A FUCKING BRICK IN THE FIRST ONE . i had a lot of trouble with face shapes , as you can probably notice . . .

did my usual things , watched evo with sister and had something to eat . then , it was thursday ! and usually my friends and i do stuff on thursdays . that day we played stardew valley !

my sister ended up puking and i panicked because i have emetophobia so after crying for an hour i was exhausted

i was planning on going to sleep early today since i was so tired . i tried to push myself a bit to get that piece done but i knew for a fact that i wouldn't be able to stay awake or focus even if i wanted . i also knew that if i tried maybe i could get something i liked ? sometimes the sketches for these don't look great , it's mostly about the colors or the ambience i add afterwards . ough then my friend asked if i could wake her up at 3AM because they all know im usually awake at that hour , and my stupid ass said yes even if i was falling asleep on the couch . i took a nap and i was talking to cris to try and keep myself awake . then i just went to sleep . and yeah , i knew the piece for yarn would be huge so i didn't even try to continue with the past one . another one to my " failed " folder ! this is the second time i chose a reference from the same artist and this is the second time i fail . MAYBE THAT'S BEEN THE PROBLEM THIS WHOLE TIME

i was setting ideas for the prompts , and the idea i had for this one was actually very different ! i was thinking , maybe scriabin using edgar like a puppet with strings of yarn ! that was a cool concept . maybe too cool . so i was like . . . what if someone already has this idea ?? what if we end up doing the same things ? something i want to avoid . i feel like , that's an image that also appears in other people's heads . so i was thinking . . . what else could i do . . . . . . and don't even know how , but i got the idea of that one scene scri described on chapter 20 !

this one ! it had been a scene i wanted to draw for a long time . honestly , i want to draw all the memories they described ough I JUST LOVE DRAWING FOR THIS UNIVERSE SO MUCH . it feeds my age regression delusions .

as soon as i was up , i tried not to waste too much time so i could work with this one . i really wanted to get it done that day ! since i knew i'd be out on saturday .

let's see . . . when i told brusk about this one i talked about how i had NO IDEA how i was going to achieve this and she shared this cool website with a bunch of 3D models of pretty rooms ! so i searched for one that looked similar to what i had in mind for their room .

started thinking . . . what do i think their room looks like ? at first i was thinking of it a bit like bluey's room , maybe . . . or dipper and mabel's room too . just two beds in the corners of the room . a bunk bed would also work for them , but let's just leave it like that .

this is a bit of what i had in mind ! maybe edgar's bed being the one on the lefft and scri's the one on the right . i tried to make it look messier for that reason lolz . two windows , some toys on the floor , a nice carpet in between the beds . . . i can't really imagine them having posters around , to be honest . maybe just some pictures . . . even if i added two beds ( for obvious reasons ) i have the hc that scri would mostly sleep on edgar's bed . a bit like what he does on the chapters after he has a body ! scri just goes , sits on the corner of the bed and even if edgar told him not to sleep there he still does and edgar doesn't do anything about it lolz . i can imagine scri walking to edgar's bed in the middle of the night to cuddle with edgar and that's that . so , in theory , edgar's bed should be the messy one and scri's would be made most of the time since he doesn't really sleep there . " his bed would be made " , is that how you even call it ? i don't know . . . then , they'd have fights and would sleep separately . ough , my little kids . </3

so yeah , that was the layout i had planned originally . i searched on the website , and these caught my eye !

( links for them are here and here

i was going to use that ffirst one as the reference but then i was like . that's a bad place to put a bed . ( ??? ) so i kept looking , even if i wanted to give those vibes . then , found that second one and my brain immediately went PERFECT

BUT .

i have a little problem . and my perception of time is absolutely broken . I CAN'T VISUALIZE HOW THINGS WERE BEFORE 2000'S i SWEAR . 2000's for me are like . how everything is rn . maybe like those nostalgia pics ppl like to share on social media . but , for everything before the 2000's it's like

WHICH IS A FUCKING PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T VISUALIZE ANYTHING FOR THEM THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS TO YEAR 1800

i knew for a fact that the story was set in the 90's but i also wasn't sure ? because there's this entry on violation where scriabin writes a date .

I WAS PRETTY CONFUSED , i wanted to go with that but i also knew that we couldn't really trust scri when it comes to anything . i asked zar because i wanted to have everything in place and she did say that scri was lying lolz . I JUST THINK OF THAT A LOT everytime i want them to do something i'm constantly thinking " did this thing exist back then " " is this how this thing looked when this happened " IT'S ANNOYING

i had to do some calculations . . . let's see , if the story is set roughly on the 90's , and edgar's like , 30 years old let's say ( i hc him being +30 , but zar usually says that he's in his late twenties so i'd go with 27 or 28 ) , so he was a kid on . 1970 , let's say . i literally googled " rooms in the 70's " but i was still leaning into something that looked more old that that . THEY ALSO SEEM TO LIVE IN THE FOREST OR SOMETHING IDK their house looks old in my head

i did end up changing the bed's design , though . make it a little more square-ish . if that makes sense . oh , also ! i added some stairs for scri , since he's so small and the bed looks tall ( it was actually even taller in the 3D render ) . he maybe moved the stairs to edgar's bed so he could just hop in when he wanted . smol boy .

so well . . . i had no idea if i could trust the process , to be honest . i had to move some stuff around , pushed the bed to the corner of the room , added the window in between the beds and uh idk i think that's all i had to move

so , i went from this

to this

to , well . this !

before even starting i watched a tutorial . i know for a fact that i'm not good at backgrounds . and i really REALLY didn't want to fuck this one up because if i got it right it would be SO GREAT . this is the tutorial i watched , by the way . . . it was super useful !

i started working on it at 1pm maybe , and as you can see by the hour on the screenshots ( i just checked and i took the screenshots at night lolz ah well ) it took me the whole day . ougghh . once i got to take a break and eat something , it was time to color stuff . i had fun choosing colors and textures for everything . . . really like that one wallpaper i chose ! and green always looks pretty on everything . also , added that one texture i always use for the skin and i really like how it makes everything look . looks less flat .

i didn't know what i wanted to do with those pictures . i just added one of edgar and his grandma maybe and a random rose . i wanted to make it a butterfly and looking back at it i should've gone with the butterfly but i couldn't get it to look right , bleh .

also , those strings holding the frame weren't supposed to be red but i accidentally drew them in the same layer as the yarn , so when i colored everything the strings also got colored and was too lazy to get them back to normal lolz .

coloring little scri was really fun ! i was planning to draw edgar crawling on the floor originally , as scri described . but i couldn't find a reference i liked and also , it was about time to draw scri in one of these ! it's been a while since he showed up . i just keep drawing edgar but i do find funny that everytime i tried to draw scri on these recently i just fail . DID I GET USED TO DRAW EDGAR AND NOW I CAN'T DRAW SCRI ANYMORE ??????? IDK but that can't be good .

uh , what else . . . coloring everything was a long process but picking colors was still fun . scri's sweater was actually blue at first but i didn't like how it looked so i changed it . . .

getting the yarn in place was actually harder than i expected . I DIDN'T REALLY ADD A BUNCH OF STUFF TO LOOP IT WITH , i wanted to make their room look messier at first but i got lazy . maybe add some clothes on the floor or shoes , i don't knnnnow . . . I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADD MORE DETAILS I'M SICK OF THIS DRAWING

i tried to make it just a whole thread of yarn going everywhere but at the end i did add some random pieces because it looked empty , bleh . even know , i feel like the yarn is not noticeable enough and that bugs me off because YARN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN THING ON THE PIECE and you can't even see it .

( quick break to say that i'm listening to dusty dirty curse by kikuo and i keep feeling sad because i didn't know the song before going to the concert a month ago , I REMEMBER ENJOYING IT AND STUFF BUT I LISTENED TO IT LIVE AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT WOULD BE FOR ME IN THE FUTURE . god i only knew its name because zarla told me but god GGGODDD PLEASE TAKE ME BACKKKK PLEASE I CAN ENJOY IT MORE THAN BEFORE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WAS SO HAPPY BACK THEN

my art is already HARD TO SEE I'D SAY but bleh

i was almost done coloring stuff . . . and sometimes for some reason my csp lags a bit when i try to change to certain brushes . well , i tried to change brushes , my csp freezes , the screen gets black for a second and i'm thinking " please don't crash , please don't crash " then i got a blue screen

fun ! ( fun fact , blue screens used to scare me so much . everything related with technology errors still scares me but last pc i had would crash over and over and over again so i kinda just got used to it lolz . now this one doesn't crash as much . last time it did was because i tried to play minecraft with shaders and it really didn't like that . oh well , where was i . .

i couldn't remember last time i saved and honestly it SCARED ME because i couldn't afford to lose progress back then . it was probably past 11PM at this point . . . i did get why my pc crashed , though . . . i had it turned on since 1PM . i did take breaks and stuff but i didn't turn it off completely ? so it was probably tired . at that point my time with csp opened was more than 11 hours . well . . .

i turn it on again . . . i check the file . . . didn't lose a lot ! i just colored the lamp on the drawer and the calendar lolz . i checked my file though , and i realized that csp actually restored some of the progress for me ! i didn't know it could do that . . . when it comes to the app crashing , i knew i could always trust sai2 . everytime the app crashed , i would open it again and it immediately would be like " hey you didn't save do you want your file back ooorrr . . . . . . . " and i never got that on csp until that ! really appreciated .

didn't know what to do for that calendar , exactly . so i just added that day's date . october 11th !

what else . . . had fun with the lightning and the colors . it was mostly me experimenting . i didn't know that to make for edgar's blanket . . . and well i just love the combination between blue and yellow . so why not throw some stars .

also , that bit of green is supossed to be scri's bed . added some random drawings to the paper sheets on the floor . . .

i searched for a while to find a nice texture to add to the floor . . . most of the ones i found weren't free . and when i finally found one i liked it took foverer to download . i was like PLEASE I JUST NEED TO DO THIS ONE THING

and i think that was all ! i'm really proud of this piece . it's my best piece currently . took around 13 hours with breaks . . . started at 1PM and finished it at 3AM maybe ? took two breaks to eat and shower. i'm used to take this long on pieces but god . it also has like , 300 layers . maybe 200 , i don't know . . . and makes me so much happier knowing that it ( mostly ( came out of my brain and not from a random pinterest reference !

i wish i had a speedpaint and i've been wanting to record speedpaints for these but I ALWAYS FORGET TO PRESS RECORD UGH

with and without filter ! i really , REALLY love this filter . it kinda gives 2016 tumblr vibes . or one of those filters on instagram no one actually uses . Río de Janeiro

as you can see , there's some stuff i cropped out . mostly because it didn't look good . . . those books on the shelf look kinda odd and the window is also throwing me off .

quick comparison ! last time i made a background this complicated was back in 2021 . . . even if it's been a long time since i really tried with one of these it's still way better . i've grown so much as an artist X3

i don't know if i'll work on today's piece , if i'm being honest . . . i think i'll try but i was out all day today and woke up at six . tired . . . was falling asleep in the bus back home until bug by kairiki bear started playing . my eyes just snapped wide open lolz . i really don't want to skip another prompt , ugh . i do enjoy drawing edgar bleeding to death , so that might encourage me just enough lolz . i was also out on saturday , as i already mentioned . didn't do a whole lot . . . i did write a small jake / edgar drabble i know for a fact i WON'T POST because i'm not good with writing !

pics i took today ! aren't i pretty ? also , i told you my shoes were cool !!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll have something to eat for dinner . . . then i'll see what i can do X3

also lol i've been having trouble to TURN MY MONITOR ON and i'm afraid that one of these days i'll try to work on a piece and it won't turn on . ugghh

[transmasc-wizard]

Good Dogs

uhhhhh hello im writing again ! it is. 12:40am. i started this at midnight. i might go in and edit it/post it again in the morning or a few days because i am so tired. but yeah here's a silly little story.

word count: 625

cws: abuse, low self worth, people comparing themselves to animals

@lychniscitrus asked 2 be tagged :]

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You’re probably learning that with me.

Kick me, I tell you. It’s what I’m here for. Hold my head underwater just to watch me try and breathe. You’ll like it, won’t you? You’ll laugh about it, won’t you? I’ll take it if you want me to. You ask me why, and I say again: it’s what I’m here for.

I need to protect you, but I’m not supposed to bite others. And while that compliant part of me obeys, that part that wants to do everything you say, there’s another half. It snarls and screams. If anyone looks at you wrong I’ll have my teeth at their throat. Sinking into a fragile neck. Tasting iron and gore. I need to protect you. You ask me why, and I say, red still running down my jaw: it’s what I’m here for. I don’t say, because they will kick you too if I don’t stop them. I need to stop them. I need to protect you.

~

Mutt is a fitting title. Mutts are a lot of things, mixed together and often unclear. They result in some fucked up batch most people don’t want to touch. I am subservient to anything you wish, quiet and waiting, and yet I spring alive at a moment’s notice to attack whatever I perceive as a threat to you. Please, pull on my leash if I go too far. Don’t let me get out of line. Kick me. It’s what I’m here for.

Sometimes I bite the hand that feeds me. Fuck, I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to distinguish all the flesh. Your skin is as necessary as anything that might fuel me. I get scared sometimes that you’ll take it from me. I can’t let you take it from me. If I hold on and I never let go, you can’t take it from me. (Sometimes, I bite the hand that feeds me.)

When my teeth meet you, it hurts me more. That’s selfish to say, I know, but you’ll never be as scared of me as I am.

I don’t think I used to bite. You ask me why I do now, and I can only say that I learned. I don’t remember why—I was fine being kicked. But I did, and I can’t stop it anymore. I’ll bite anything for you, even myself. I’ll cannibalize myself for you if that’s what you want. Tell me to hurt myself before I can hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.

~

I’d follow you to my slaughter. I know this without a doubt. If you decide that’s what needs to happen, who am I to judge? Kick me, bite me, hurt me, it’s what I’m here for. You say, but I don’t want to kick you, and I say, you will. Please stop asking why. I say that you just will, and it’s easier this way. I deserve it. I don’t say that if you kick me and you stay, I’ll know I’m worth keeping even when I misbehave. I’ll know that to punish me, to use me, to hate me isn’t to stop wanting me. But if you love me, I have to be afraid of losing it.

Please let me love you without worrying you love me back. Let me lie at your chair, waiting. I’ll look up at you and the care won’t leave my eyes and my eyes won’t leave you. That’s how it should be. I’ll get on the ground screaming and crying if that’s what it takes, begging you not to ignore my prayers like every other god does. I love you. Please fucking kick me.

It’s what I’m here for.

[cmkren]

“You say I want to be Your Girlfriend! It wasn’t really in my plans…”

— girlfriend; Hemlocke Springs

;Usagi Yuzuha x Fem + AFAB! Reader hcs

Usagi relationship headcanons where you two are both silly and goofy— that’s it, that’s the post. Basically how you two get together! Romance blossoming in the Borderlands, what a strange turn of events…

a/n; i am coping rn cause i have a maths chapter test in like 9 hours and i am not prepared im so bad at math. Anyways this is just gonna be some fluff. ♥️♥️♥️ very messy post because im super tired tho,,,

So… who’d be the first one to confess? 🤔

Read to find out !! 😋

Jk its kinda both of you but mainly Usagi

You two would probably meet early on, maybe in the tag game where the two of you catch each other’s eye and agree to travel together <3

You’d be there by Usagi’s side as you both live day by day, and when you find the sweaty lookin’ guy from the Tag game lying on the ground all depressed you two kind of take him in

Like

You two mama birds just kinda adopt the guy

Usagi ends up taking care of most of the hunting while you do mostly everything else

You’re the one who tries to force feed Arisu even when he refused it

Usagi kept you from choking the poor guy.

Y’all are basically tied at the hip tho

Which also soon includes Arisu

(But you n Usagi are closer shh dont tell him that)

Things pretty much stay the same between you two until y’all arrive at The Beach (cue thunder strike)

With this whole sort of place that seems like it was capable of running actual electricity and shit you wanted to do smth special!!

“Do you think we can use their kitchen?!”

“Y/N we’re literally duct taped to chairs right now.”

“She’s got a point though Usagi— I’m kinda craving like… cookies.”

That was the small talk the three of you had before the whole dramatic intro of the Beach and its top goobers

After that whole shenanigan, you and Usagi insist on sharing the same room

It was just a lot more comfortable for the two of you

This place gave you the creeps ngl

That meant a lot of late night talks

Well, as many as y’all got before shit hit the fan again

You two always talked about what you’d do when you finally get to leave. Visit each other every day, maybe even get a place together? Usagi couldn’t bare to live in her old place ever since her father disappeared

You knew everything about that as well

Just from the few months you two shared together, you guys knew a lot about each other

You even promised her that you’d help her get back into climbing

Maybe indoor climbing first for you though

The more you two spent time with one another though, the more the two of you caught yourself… lingering

Whether it be longing looks or touches, it’d always be done subconsciously and end up with someone a little flustered

Arisu caught on though and asked wtf was going on

You, of course, blew him off

After the hearts game though, you two immediately ran for each other

Both battered and bruised, you clung to her as she scanned you over for anything that might have been fatal

Usagi cries out in relief to see that you’re okay

“Where were you? Where were you? What would I do with myself if I lost you too? What would I do? I can’t lose a person I love—”

That made you sit up.

“You— you love me?”

Usagi couldn’t help but let out a choked smile to see that incredulous expression on your face

Well she can’t really deny it, can she?

You could only hug her tighter with tears welling in your eyes, the pain of everyone that’d been slaughtered would only remain in all of you forever but maybe the seeds of healing had already been planted for you two as you pressed a kiss against her cheek

You two were peas in a pod.

You protected those you loved, worked together to achieve your goals

And when Usagi struggled to understand why going back to the real world would be any better than the world they were forced to fight to live in, you couldn’t understand

But you tried to

The strong woman you’d grown so used to seeing so level headed hid in your arms as she held back tears

Listening to every pained doubt, choked out words

You were there for her

And no doubt, she’d hold you taut against her whenever you needed it too.

You helped Usagi get over her doubts and fears of returning to the living world, ensuring her that she wouldn’t be alone in dealing with her troubles

And that— not if— but when you two return, you’ll celebrate like you’ve never before

[cyberr-v0id]

Im so tired, I genuinely can’t be dealing with this hell again.

So I wrote another poem to deal with my feelings! That’s a lie, I spontaneously decided to write one whilst making this post. Deal with it, I’m a literature nerd you freaks.

Another day I am forced to wake

To rip myself from the land of dreams

And walk this one of torment

To sweeten my day

I turn to my phone, the rectangular box

Of hells and horrors

And I send you a message

‘You’ could be anyone

Anyone to me

But against my better judgment

I have allowed you to become a ‘someone’

I greet you in my usual gruff manner

‘Morning’

And I hope that you understand that I am not mad at you

But I am mad at this cruel existence

Full of vile people and iron pain

I dont know why I worry.

I say this every morning

And it is yet to scare you off

It is far more frightening

And to myself too

When I start the day

With a cheery tone and sickening smile

A choking honey message

Of ‘good morning :)’

Or ‘GOOD MORNING’

Nay- the most cheer you will get from me

Is a brash and bawdy

´MORNIN FREAKS AND AINT IT A TRULY WONDERFUL DAY’

Lathered in sarcasm

But anyways

I message you

In my usual manner

I do not deviate

And I wait for your reply

It never comes.

Not before I have to march

Into the enclosed tin hall

But no matter

You don’t need to be in today

And are likely still sleeping

In that sweet land of dreams

I am early to rise these days

It is not unusual to wait hours

Before hearing from you

While I am trapped in that tin can

I fantasise of you

Before I blink

And am brought heavily back

To where I really am.

I open my phone to our messages

As soon as I am let out

My heart

DROPS.

You have seen it

And you have not replied.

I leave it be

And wait till I am home

Before I ask, at almost lunch

How your day is going?

I foolishly dare to be hopeful

A bit later

An hour or two

You reply

You do not ask me

How my day is going

What I am doing

Or how the exam

Which you know I was dreading

For I do not have a way with numbers

(Though you always attempt to convince me that I do and I am not bad and that ‘no one is bad at maths there’s just bad teachers. Now I say it here, you have no tact, too caught up in your own greatness and teeny tiny failures to even imagine that someone might be bad. But that is cruel and I know it’s not true. You’re good. You’re better than the others. That’s why I chose to trust you. Remember? Remember, o heart?)

Time skip to this evening

Just after tea

And we have spared almost no words

Though I have replied to all of yours in my usual manner

(Still you do not ask about me.)

And I crack

And I spill genuine words

Not about you

And the hurt that you cause

But about a situation that we both can see

Just expressing my frustration

Left.

On.

Read.

Until later I feel the need to clarify something

You’ll never guess

On read again!

Till hours later

You reply

A corporate email sounding response

I almost say that too you

But then you’ll just apologise

And then I’ll feel guilty

For your faults

Suddenly, you appear

The tiny words

´Online’

Atop our messages

Just below your name

I stare at you

You stare at me

Through the screen

Three seconds

Then you leave

I laugh, quietly and dryly to myself

So predictable

This time, I leave you on read

It’s the first time I’ve ever done it deliberately

Yet we both know

That I will not leave it as long as you

And I will be back

To bark my goodbyes of the night

A loyal hound

Despite the beatings

Of the hand that feeds

- Left On Read // Hound that feeds

Another poem by me

[kuromi-hoemie]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged or liked something from you

easy, I'm tired and going to go back to sleep after this so I'm just gonna fire them off the top of my head boss 🫡

pussy

making out and cuddling, biting them etc

playing with someone's hair

doing my silly little arts n crafts

seeing the animals i get to feed every day, and the trust and comfort they have in me to keep coming and bringing their kids n friends

weed

getting better at throwing my knives and spikes

all the beautiful and sweet people i get to talk with in person when i go out, esp the ones i keep going back for if we vibe right (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) ♡⁠ my favorite are these 2 specific budtenders at 2 different stores and i got to hold one when we met and i hold hands w the other and i want to kiss them both ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

on that note I'm happy I'm not as withdrawn as i used to be when i got isolated 🙇🏾‍♀️ i am such a social butterfly these days

I'm happy I'm moving in a few months and am very excited for this next chapter of my life

I'm happy i get to see my friend later today, I'm getting us gyro fries and making us drinks and we're having a lil ghibli movie marathon

I'm happy my coworkers n most people at work are so nicey to me 👉🏾👈🏾 i love that other queer n trans ppl work at my job. there's this one intern who's insanely beautiful and i really love getting to talk to her 😵‍💫 the top she was wearing last time was so cute!! very artsy and i loved the colors ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ i wonder what her sign is

i love the nurses at my clinic where i go for transition related healthcare, they are SO fun in every way. it doesn't matter who i get; sometimes they're really flirty and hot, sometimes they're really silly, sometimes they're just sweet n friendly conversation but no matter what everyone is so fun and good to me there ♡⁠

i love how much I've changed the past year and a half. i embraced polyamory and it fundamentally shifted the way i view all of my relationships‚ found out im ace, the most outgoing and confident I've ever been, gotten pretty good at navigating The Public enough that i actually don't think i ever wanna touch a dating app for finding friends or lovers anymore because irl is sm easier for me atp. ╰(￣ω￣ｏ) there's lots of other little stuff too but overall getting to truly be and find myself as a trans woman feels like peace🧘🏾‍♀️ now i just need to be surrounded by a bunch of friends and a couple partners when i move and I'm good

honorary spring mention bc god do i love flowers (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) ♡⁠ it's sm more than that to me .. i don't feel like going on a rant rn but i love spring 🤌🏾✨ i truly love too watch the seasons go by and i love to be a part of it. just a girl caught up in the tides of change 💆🏾‍♀️ i love when yang grows in the yin and becomes apparent in both subtle and very conspicuous ways 🙇🏾‍♀️

c-can i rant about space..? is there time? 👉🏾👈🏾 no.. i shan't

i love life, i love existing, i love mysterious and complicated aspects of reality*

*:truly am holding back like 4 different rants rn so i am stopping 🙇🏾‍♀️

i am overwhelmed by love, curiosity and wonder i feel, and am full of sm of it that it pours out of me and into a majority of my interactions w others. I'm having a blast these days and i can't believe it gets even better!!! (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚)

[4typercent]

Another get to know me!

Tagged by the ever amazing @seiya-starsniper I love these! Thank you!

Who was your first fictional crush?

Edge from FFIV (originally FFII for SNES). Remember when games came with a booklet and a character description? Edge's was mysterious. A ninja? Cool! He's a bratty prince? Even better! *When my father played through this game, he renamed Edge with my name, it was meant to be.*

What is the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?

Emerald green

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?

I can't think of any, to be honest. I'm sure I've read a few, but nothing with the "Dead Dove" tag. I'm down to read most of any kind of fic, but I'm not a big fan of MC x Reader, or a heavy reliance of your OC being the focus.

I'm coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?

This could go places: chicken tenders (regular or vegetarian, im flexible like that) and fries, or something warm and hearty like a huge pasta dish. Do you like grilled cheese sandwiches? We could do that also. What I feed you depends on your preference and the weather (the weather here is a damn yoyo).

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?

Kangaroos! They beat the heat by licking their arms, so when I get too warm, I keep my arms cool and wet, too. Ever see a lion do that? I don't think so (idk if they do or not). 🦘

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issue for because you really like them?

Most of them, but some noteworthy ones are Zant from LOZ TP, Silco from Arcane, Ardyn from FFXV, Sephiroth from FFVII, and too many more to list. Some of them are hot, okay? Okay.

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?

Ugly crier.

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?

LOZ & FFVII, XV, & XVI: I see myself as an NPC, so honestly, a glass canon. NPCs can have tragic ends, or rise above all the odds. I think I'll be okay.

Sandman: if ol Morpheus is around with Delirium looking for Destruction, I'm going to run away as fast as I can.

I might be okay, but then again, maybe not.

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?

Nope 💁🏼‍♀️

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?

Yes, and no.

Yes, cuz as cool as it would be to turn any living thing into stone, it would be a lonely existence.

No, cuz I honestly don't know too much about her besides she is, in my mind, a beautiful creature.

What if a blind person gets the hard stare from her? Would they still turn to stone? Serious answers only 😂

Which song makes you think of your OTP?

Eculid or Rain by Sleep Token. When I do my cross stitch (of Dream of the Endless), I imagine Hob making that as a token for Dream, and that song is playing softly in the background. Vessel's voice is haunting and beautiful, perfect for the two idiots in love.

Which song makes you disassociate and daydream the fastest?

MacDougall's Pride by Ashley MacIssacc. Every time I hear it, I weep. It's so special to me.

Tagging: @sans--seraph @z-is-very-tired @zzoomacroom @missmacfire @persbaderse @jceekay @aquilathefighter and anyone else that would love to join in!