#most badass award goes to

[epickiya722]

She's beauty, she's grace, she'll kick you in your damn face!! 💜🐇

She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment!

[sinnohqueen]

it's august 2nd in future timezones, aka time to bust out this post

[solxamber]

Trash Novel Chronicles - Stealing the Plot for Drama || Jamil Viper

The book you've been looking forward to turns out to be a piece of crap, and you have the bad luck of getting pulled into it as the villainess. So you decide to steal the main character's show, just for sport.

Series Masterlist

It’s your birthday, and you’re over the moon. You’ve been frugal, cutting out fancy coffee and takeout for weeks, all to splurge on this one, glorious, limited-edition novel from your favorite author. The packaging is pristine, the book jacket glimmering like a beacon of literary greatness. Today is the day. You’ve built this moment up for weeks—you’re practically vibrating as you sign for the delivery.

You tear into the package like it’s Christmas morning, clutching the book to your chest, grinning ear to ear. You settle in with a cup of tea, your coziest blanket, and crack open the book, fully expecting your soul to ascend to a higher plane of literary enlightenment.

It takes precisely three pages for your entire existence to collapse. This is bad. So bad, you can feel your spirit shriveling. Your entire life is a lie.

The book is like a train wreck—every sentence is a mangled piece of steel, but you can’t look away. Tears start forming in your eyes, not from emotional depth, but from sheer despair. It’s like the author forgot how to write in between winning their last award and releasing this... dumpster fire of a novel. But you’re not a quitter. You’ve made it this far—you’re not going down without a fight.

You turn the page with trembling hands, determined to push through.

The plot is standard—heroine is a saintess (yawn), love interest is the Duke of the North (ugh, of course), and the second male lead is the Prince (because originality is apparently dead). But then the villainess shows up. Finally, some promise. You grip the book a little tighter—maybe this will be it! The saving grace! The villainess is the queen of high society, beloved and powerful, absolute girlboss vibes. She runs everything with an iron fist and sharp wit, but then…

Then it happens.

The heroine’s hair comes loose. The villainess, in a rare moment of kindness, gently points out that her hair is falling out of its bun. And what happens? Does she get thanked for her thoughtfulness? No. No. The heroine goes, “You must be jealous of me,” and everyone agrees.

What. The. Hell.

You blink once, then twice. Is this…is this supposed to be a serious plot point? The villainess, this badass social queen, gets ostracized for suggesting a quick touch-up? Is this a joke? You flip back a few pages. Surely, there’s a mistake. Maybe you missed something. You didn’t miss anything. This book missed you with anything resembling logic.

So now, this powerful woman, once the queen of high society, is branded as jealous and bitter. She’s exiled from everything she’s ever known, her entire life crumbling because the heroine’s fragile ego couldn’t handle a little advice. And she’s not even the worst part. No, because guess what?

The only person who stays with her through it all? Her fiancé, Jamil Viper. Jamil, a baron she helped rise to the position of Duke, the man she loved, is by her side while everyone else abandons her. The romance potential is there. It’s right there. You’re practically shaking the book at this point.

And what does the author do with this beautiful setup? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The villainess, broken and misunderstood, alienates herself from Jamil. She pushes him away. And then—just to really twist the knife—she dies alone.

You drop the book onto your lap, staring at the ceiling. Infinite romance potential, wasted. You can feel your soul leaving your body. Jamil could’ve saved her. They could’ve had it all. But no. She dies alone, unloved, in the most tragic yet pointless way possible.

And that’s when it happens.

Something absurd. Something so stupid, it feels like divine punishment for buying this book. Maybe it's the way your body tenses in sheer disbelief at the plot; maybe the universe decides to play its cruel hand, but you feel a sharp pain in your chest.

Suddenly, the room spins, and your vision goes black. As the world fades around you, your final thought isn’t about your family, your friends, or the countless dreams you had for the future. No.

Your last thought is:

“Really??? On my goddamn birthday?”

And then, you die.

You wake up, stretch, and feel… odd. You glance at your hands and freeze. Your nails aren’t chipped? Your cuticles are trimmed? In this economy? You sniff the air. Lavender? Something’s very wrong here. You sit up and take in your surroundings. Ornate tapestries, a bed so massive it could host a small nation, and a freaking chandelier.

Oh no.

First thought: Have I been kidnapped? But hold up—what kind of kidnapper does their victim’s manicure? You wave your polished hand around like it's suddenly sprouted five extra fingers. This is definitely not normal.

And then your gaze lands on the giant, gilded mirror at the side of the room. You stumble towards it, ready to face the worst, and when you see your reflection, the realization knocks the wind right out of you.

“Fuck my life… I’m the villainess.”

Panic mode: activated. But then you pause, staring at your impossibly gorgeous reflection. No need to lose your shit just yet. You've read enough of these novel-turned-isekai tales to know the drill. It’s bad, yes, but it could be worse.

You’re not the heroine, which means less plot armor, but you are rich. Villainess rich. The kind of rich where you don’t even know how much a loaf of bread costs anymore. There’s power in that, right?

Alright, you just need to avoid the male leads like they have the dragon pox or something equally contagious and unattractive. If they even sneeze in your direction, you’re running faster than a Black Friday shopper in a sale.

Best course of action? Stick to your fiancé, Jamil Viper. He clearly liked the original villainess in the book, and you’re betting you can use that connection to survive this ridiculous plot.

Oh, and because this novel’s plotline literally killed you, you’re taking the queen of high society title back. Out of spite. It’s petty, but who cares? You're gonna be shady, throw aristocratic shade like you’re handing out party favors, and maybe casually humiliate the heroine for fun. She can't be that saintly.

But before anything else? Shopping.

You are now rich in a fantasy world, and you are not going to waste this opportunity. First order of business? Find a dress so stunning it could make a commoner drop dead on the spot. The kind of outfit that makes peasants weep and enemies tremble.

As you stride to the wardrobe, you can't help but feel a little smug. Sure, you're the villainess, but damn, you're gonna be a well-dressed one.

Your first shopping spree as a villainess. And not just that—there are maids! You stare at them wide-eyed as they begin dressing you in silks and satins, and you can’t help but think, “Holy shit, I have maids now.”

They fuss over you with a precision that can only be described as obsessive, tieing ribbons, adjusting jewelry, and brushing your hair like it’s a rare silk. You check yourself in the mirror, and honestly? Damn. The heroine's got nothing on you.

You twirl, and every inch of you screams hot and dangerous. It's like the universe is apologizing for killing you off with that god-awful book by giving you this absolute glow-up. You’re feeling unstoppable, like you could bench-press societal expectations and then strut away in heels.

But then your butler approaches, bowing as if you’re some untouchable deity. “My Lady, your fiancé, Lord Jamil Viper, has arrived to see you.”

Wait, what? Jamil is here? THE Jamil?? The only person with an ounce of brain cells in that trash fire of a novel? The one man who actually made sense? Please let him be hot.

You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself. God, I hope he looks exactly like he was described.

When the doors open, you nearly pass out on the spot. Correction. He’s hotter. Infinitely hotter. If Jamil Viper was a fire hazard in the book, in person, he’s a full-on inferno. You’re almost thankful you died just so you could see him. He greets you, and his voice? Sexier than advertised. You’ve hit the isekai jackpot.

Without a second thought, you grin, loop your arm through his, and drag him toward the carriage. You’re already imagining the two of you showing up to the next ball in matching outfits, causing hearts to break and jaws to drop. Jamil is a little confused by your sudden enthusiasm, but like a champ, he just goes along with it.

As the carriage rolls down the cobbled streets, you casually drop, “By the way, I’m done moping about being ostracized by high society. I want revenge on the heroine.”

His eyes darken, and there’s an unmistakable gleam in them. He leans back, smirking. “Good. I hate the Prince anyway. The number of problems he caused me while I was trying to rise through the ranks? I’d love nothing more than to ruin them both.”

And you? You’re in. Oh, you’re so in. Why not? Why not when Jamil Viper looks so attractive while plotting the downfall of others?

He pauses his scheming for just a second, looking at you with a rare softness. “Thank you… for recognizing my talents. I wouldn’t have had the chance to even think about insulting a prince if you weren’t by my side.”

Your heart does a little flip, and you take his hand in yours, a silent promise forming in your mind. You’re going to make the original villainess proud. You’re going to destroy the heroine.

For what this book did.

And also because, well… revenge is sexy when Jamil Viper’s involved.

You both stride into the store, ready to make a statement. But, of course, because the universe is a petty comedian, there she is—the heroine, acting like she’s never seen a price tag before. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept such an extravagant gift!” she gushes loudly enough for the entire store to hear.

Meanwhile, the Duke—Mr. "I-have-no-emotions"—is doing his signature act: standing there, looking aloof, but you can tell he’s mentally calculating how impressed everyone is supposed to be.

Jamil doesn’t even need to speak. You both share a glance, a silent conversation filled with mutual disdain. "These people suck." It's not even a question. It's a fact.

“I’ll take everything here,” you say suddenly, your voice loud enough to cut through the heroine’s overly sweet prattling. The shopkeeper’s eyes widen as they hurriedly approach, unsure if they heard you correctly.

“Everything?” they stammer.

You nod casually, like buying an entire store’s worth of clothing is a daily occurrence. “Yes, everything.”

From the corner of your eye, you can see the Duke’s facade slip for just a moment—his cold mask cracking ever so slightly as he glances at you. The heroine looks like she’s about to choke on her own words. You flash them a bright, borderline condescending smile. "Oh, I hope I didn’t interrupt something. You were saying?"

Jamil steps closer, his hand resting on the small of your back as he coolly adds, “Also, we’d like matching outfits. Something… striking.” His tone is as indifferent as ever, but you can feel the smug satisfaction radiating off him.

The heroine looks utterly flustered, her hands fidgeting as she glances between you and the Duke, who is doing his best to act unbothered. But you can tell he’s silently fuming, his pride taking a serious hit.

Jamil leans in slightly, his voice low enough for only you to hear. “A power couple move? Bold. I approve.”

You grin. “I thought we’d show them how it’s really done.”

A short while later, you and Jamil emerge from the dressing rooms in outfits that would make gods weep with envy. You glance at yourselves in the mirror, and wow. You two don’t just look good—you look devastatingly unstoppable. The kind of couple people would kill to look like in their wildest dreams.

The heroine looks on with wide eyes, clearly trying to mask her jealousy, while the Duke’s cold expression cracks further, his irritation almost palpable. He probably thought he was the only one who could pull off the whole “I’m-rich-and-powerful” vibe. Sorry, buddy. You’re just not in the same league.

Jamil gives you a rare, genuine smile, one that’s laced with quiet triumph. “Not bad,” he says casually, though his eyes linger on you a moment longer than necessary.

As you step out of the store—victory sealed—you take Jamil’s hand without thinking, your mind already moving on to your next move. “Now,” you say, eyes focused on the road ahead, “about that revenge plan. I’m thinking we start by—”

But as you plot and scheme, you don’t notice that Jamil isn’t looking at the road. His gaze is on you—quiet, intense, and filled with something deeper.

"Whatever it is," he murmurs, "I'm in."

Power couple goals, indeed.

The ball is here, and, like any self-respecting villainess, you’re not about to let the opportunity for chaos slip by. If you’re going to be stuck in the plot of a novel, might as well make it entertaining, right?

As your maids fuss over your dress, they spill some of the hottest gossip yet. Apparently, the prince? The one who’s always preening like a peacock and acting like he’s too good for everyone?

Yeah, he got caught trying to serenade his tutor’s cat—and failed. He’s tone-deaf, and worse, the tutor is furious because the cat’s been hiding in her curtains for days, traumatized. You nearly choke on air.

“Oh, this is going to be a biblical shitstorm,” you murmur, your eyes practically sparkling as you imagine the carnage that’s about to go down tonight.

By the time you meet Jamil outside, you’re practically vibrating with excitement. And speaking of Jamil—holy hell. He’s standing by the carriage in a sleek, dark suit, looking all brooding and mysterious like he was custom-made to steal hearts.

"Wow," you say, openly staring at him. "You’re killing me right now. How are you real?"

Jamil shifts, tugging at his collar like he’s trying to downplay how good he looks. “Stop,” he mutters, his face ever-so-slightly flushed, but the tiny smile tugging at his lips gives him away.

“No, seriously,” you press, circling him with an exaggerated critical eye. “Is this what ‘stunning’ looks like in person? I need to know because I feel like I’m about to pass out.”

“You’re impossible.” He shakes his head but doesn’t make eye contact, probably because he knows he’ll crack. But he’s smiling, and that’s all the confirmation you need.

When you arrive at the ballroom, it doesn’t take long before you spot Kalim. He’s practically bouncing with excitement, waving as if you weren’t already heading his way.

"You guys look amazing!" he cheers, pulling both of you into a hug before you can protest. He’s so enthusiastic, you almost forget you have a mission. Almost.

You lower your voice conspiratorially. "Kalim, did you hear about the prince?"

He blinks. “No? What happened?”

Jamil side-eyes you like he knows exactly where this is going, but he doesn’t stop you. He’s in on this. “Well, apparently, our dear prince has been… spending some quality time trying to serenade his tutor’s cat.”

There’s a pause, then Kalim’s eyes widen in shock. “WAIT, REALLY?”

You and Jamil barely manage to suppress your laughter. Kalim just broadcasted that to half the ballroom. Mission success.

From there, you and Jamil strategically split up to mingle with the nobles, making sure the gossip spreads like wildfire. Every time someone asks, you pretend to hesitate, then whisper it to them like it’s the juiciest secret in the world. By the time the prince arrives, the entire ballroom is buzzing with whispers.

You grab two drinks and take your spot in a corner where you have the perfect view of the incoming storm. Jamil joins you, leaning casually against the wall, but you can see the amusement in his eyes. “I’d say we did well,” he says softly, as you hand him one of the drinks.

“Too well,” you say, grinning wickedly. “I can’t wait to see how this plays out.”

The prince enters, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is staring at him like he just walked in with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. The imperial family follows behind him, sensing that something is off, but they keep up appearances, declaring the ball open.

Then, the dancing begins. And oh, the rejection. The prince approaches lady after lady, only to be turned down one by one, each with some flimsy excuse. You’re cackling into your drink at this point, nearly spilling it as you watch the absolute carnage unfold.

And then—oh, this is the best part—the heroine finally arrives, blissfully unaware of the prince’s latest scandal. She’s practically glowing as the prince, desperate and clearly not understanding the situation, asks her to dance. She accepts with a delighted smile, preening at all the attention she thinks they’re getting.

The whispers intensify.

Jamil watches, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "I’m impressed," he murmurs. "That spread faster than I expected."

"Never underestimate the power of pettiness," you reply, clinking your glasses together.

Across the room, the king’s aide is whispering something to him, and the poor man looks like he’s just aged ten years. He shoots a glance at the prince and then at the heroine, his expression screaming “I can’t believe I have to deal with this.”

Then comes the final nail in the coffin. After the dance, a group of younger noblewomen approaches the heroine, and she’s clearly expecting them to fawn over her for dancing with the prince. But instead, they absolutely rip into her. “How could you dance with him after what he did?” one of them demands, while another makes a snide comment about the cat.

The heroine, bless her heart, has no idea what they’re talking about and stumbles over her words, trying to defend herself. But she just makes it worse. Within minutes, she’s in tears, running from the ballroom in a dramatic scene worthy of an award.

The Duke—her Duke—chases after her, looking like he’s reconsidering all his life choices.

You’re laughing so hard now that you’re practically leaning on Jamil for support. "This is better than I could’ve ever hoped for," you gasp, wiping away a tear.

Jamil chuckles softly, his gaze focused entirely on you. “Glad you’re having fun.”

“Oh, I’m having the time of my life,” you reply between giggles, clutching his arm. "But seriously, this is gold!"

Jamil smiles, but there’s a softness in his eyes as he watches you. "Whatever you want to do, I’m in." His voice is quiet, but there’s a sincerity in it that makes your heart skip a beat.

And you know, with him by your side, this is only the beginning.

The quiet clatter of quills and the shuffle of paper fill the room as you and Jamil work side by side. It's supposed to be a normal afternoon—just the two of you getting through the absolutely thrilling task of making plans to merge your estates after your marriage.

Riveting stuff. But there’s a certain coziness to it, like you’ve finally settled into this life together. A faint smile tugs at your lips as you glance at Jamil, whose attention is currently fixed on a particularly dense contract.

He glances up, noticing your stare. “Do you want some tea?” he asks casually, already reaching for the bell to summon the butler.

You nod, and in moments, the butler arrives, bowing politely before leaving to retrieve the tea. But as the tray comes in, Jamil pauses, scanning the selection like he’s some kind of beverage connoisseur. He frowns—frowns—and turns to the butler. “Get the other blend. The one she likes."

The butler stutters for a second, then hurries off to fix the apparent blasphemy of tea serving. You’re too amused to even process how sweet the whole thing is.

“Did you really just send him back to get another blend?”

Jamil shrugs, not meeting your eyes, focused instead on stirring the exact amount of sugar and milk you always put in your cup. “You prefer it this way,” he says, his tone nonchalant, but there’s a softness to his expression.

And you’re just sitting there, heart doing weird flips because—he noticed. He’s been watching you, memorizing the tiny details like how you take your tea. Your chest warms as you realize just how deeply he pays attention to you, even in the most mundane things.

“You’re so—” you start, but then you stop yourself, realizing you’re dangerously close to getting all gooey and sappy. “Ridiculous. You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

He shoots you a deadpan look, but the corners of his lips twitch upward. “You’re welcome.”

You laugh, sipping the tea he prepared exactly how you like it, the moment stretching out in peaceful harmony. That is until—

THUD.

You nearly spill your tea as Jamil suddenly launches himself away from his desk, eyes wide in utter horror, looking as though someone just told him he’s been forced to join a Kalim-led dance troupe.

“What—what happened?” you ask, a little alarmed.

He doesn’t answer, instead standing stiffly a good five feet from his chair, eyes fixated on something on the floor. You glance over, curious, and there it is—a massive spider, just chilling on his desk like it’s there to collect taxes.

You stare. He stares. The spider doesn’t move, but the tension in the room could cut steel.

"That thing could eat me," Jamil mutters under his breath, still rooted to the spot like a cat who just saw a cucumber.

You take a deep breath, rolling up your sleeves with all the confidence of someone who has faced worse, like nobles who talk about land taxes at dinner parties. “Alright, let’s do this,” you mumble to yourself.

Grabbing a piece of paper, you march toward the eight-legged horror with all the grace of someone about to tackle a dragon. There’s no elegance, no finesse. You scoop up the spider—your hands a bit shaky—and march over to the window, tossing it outside with a not-so-dignified “Go in peace, demon.”

There’s a beat of silence as you wipe your brow, feeling like you’ve just saved the world. When you turn around, Jamil is staring at you like you’ve just descended from the heavens, all in slow motion, with angelic choir music playing in the background.

“What?” you ask, still catching your breath.

“I was going to handle it,” he says, but the way his voice wavers betrays the fact that he absolutely was not. He glances away, still avoiding the spot where the spider used to be.

You raise an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Sure you were. I bet you were gonna make friends with it too.”

He opens his mouth to argue but then just chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re something else.”

You walk over and bump his shoulder lightly. “And you’re lucky to have me. Spider exterminator extraordinaire.”

Jamil finally lets out a real laugh, the sound filling the room in a way that feels warm and right. When you both settle back into your paperwork, there’s an undeniable sense of something more growing between you, a feeling that neither of you says out loud, but is there nonetheless.

You look over at him again, your heart feeling too big for your chest. He meets your gaze and smiles, the unspoken affection hanging between you like a comfortable silence. Whatever’s coming next in your future, you know one thing for sure—there’s no one you’d rather handle paperwork (or spiders) with than him.

It was a fine day for chaos, and you had a brilliant, absolutely ridiculous idea: a dance competition. The heroine was boasting loudly again, this time about her “dazzling” ballroom skills, fluttering around like a pigeon trying to impress the Duke. You leaned over to Jamil, raising a brow.

“I bet I can make her regret that,” you whispered, eyes gleaming with mischief.

Jamil sighed, eyes flicking over to the heroine, who was twirling like she was the queen of the ball already. “You really want to stir this up?” he asked, his voice dripping with his usual calm exasperation.

“Absolutely. It’ll be hilarious,” you said with a grin. “Just trust me.”

“Those are usually your most dangerous words,” he muttered, but the little twitch at the corner of his lips told you he was more than ready to see how this would play out.

You sauntered up to the heroine, who was mid-spin, nearly knocking over a servant carrying a tray of wine glasses. “Oh my, such grace!” you exclaimed, voice layered with just the right amount of false admiration. “You must be the best dancer here. How about we make it a little more interesting?”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, clearly sensing a trap but too vain to back down. “What are you proposing?” she asked, puffing up like a puffin in a tutu.

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, just a little friendly dance-off. You, me, the floor. We’ll let the crowd decide who’s the real star of the ball.”

The Duke, standing behind her, snorted, clearly thinking there was no way his precious heroine could lose. You could practically hear his thoughts: What could go wrong?

Jamil, now standing at the edge of the growing crowd, looked at you with an expression that screamed Why are you like this? You shot him a quick wink.

The heroine smiled smugly, already envisioning her inevitable triumph. “Fine,” she declared, loud enough for the entire ballroom to hear. “But don’t cry when you lose.”

Oh, sweetheart, you thought, grinning like a Cheshire cat. You have no idea what’s coming.

The music swelled. The crowd parted, forming a perfect circle around the two of you. The heroine began her routine, performing a series of twirls and steps that were technically fine but lacked any real flair. She was all stiff arms and forced elegance, like a bird trying to pretend it was an elegant swan but failing spectacularly.

“Wow, she’s… uh, something,” you heard Jamil mutter from the sidelines, barely able to contain his laughter.

When it was your turn, you decided to dial it up to eleven. You started off slow, a simple waltz that quickly escalated into an absurd series of moves that defied both logic and physics.

At one point, you grabbed a nearby tablecloth, twirling it like a cape as if you were part ballroom dancer, part magician. The crowd was gasping and laughing all at once. You even threw in a couple of exaggerated backflips—just for dramatic effect, of course.

Jamil, still trying to remain composed, was leaning against a pillar, shaking his head with a mix of pride and disbelief. “This is insane,” he muttered, but you caught the faintest smile playing at his lips. He was definitely entertained.

The finale? You did a sliding split across the marble floor, popping up dramatically at the end to a round of thunderous applause. The heroine, meanwhile, looked like she had swallowed a lemon. Her face was pale, and her jaw had dropped halfway through your performance and never quite recovered.

“Not bad for a warm-up,” you said casually, dusting off your sleeves. “Want to go again?”

The heroine stammered something unintelligible, while the Duke shot you both a venomous glare. You, however, were far too busy basking in the crowd’s cheers to care.

Jamil approached, his expression unreadable as he handed you a glass of wine. “You’re unbelievable,” he said, though there was a mirth in his voice that wasn’t there before.

“I know,” you replied with a smirk, taking the glass from him. “But you love it.”

He let out a small, reluctant chuckle. “Unfortunately.”

As you took a sip, the heroine stormed off, dragging the Duke behind her, muttering something about “cheating” and “unfair advantages.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You realize you’ve just made yourself the villain of the entire evening, right?” Jamil remarked, glancing around at the nobles, who were still talking animatedly about your performance.

“Good,” you replied, a glint of mischief in your eyes. “Villains always have more fun.”

Jamil raised an eyebrow. “And what are you planning to do next?”

You gave him a sly smile. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll challenge her to a sword fight next?”

Jamil’s eyes widened. “Please don’t.”

You just laughed, leaning into him. “Relax. I’m kidding. Mostly.”

He sighed but didn’t push you away, clearly resigned to whatever madness you had planned next. As the two of you walked away from the scene, hand-in-hand, the nobles whispered behind you, wondering just how deep your relationship ran, how formidable of a pair you truly were.

But all Jamil cared about in that moment was that you were smiling beside him, radiating with confidence and joy. He didn’t care if the heroine hated you or if the Duke was sulking somewhere in the corner. As long as he had you, the rest of the world could fall into chaos.

And honestly, with you around, it probably would.

You gave Jamil a quick glance, noticing the soft, adoring look in his eyes, and nudged him playfully. “Hey, stop looking at me like I’m your entire world.”

“Too late,” he shot back, the smallest smile on his lips.

“Ugh,” you groaned dramatically, but the blush on your cheeks betrayed you. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet,” he added, leaning in just a little closer, “you wouldn’t have it any other way.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled, taking his hand. “Let’s go cause more trouble.”

The plan had been perfectly crafted. You and Jamil had spent hours scheming, laughing at the thought of humiliating the Duke during the archery and horseback competition.

Your excitement grew with every passing minute as you imagined his arrogant face faltering. But when the Duke not only kept his composure but nailed each target while galloping on horseback, you felt your competitive spirit surge.

There was no way you were going to let him win. Not today.

So, of course, you went all in—because why wouldn’t you? Leaning into your impulsive nature, you urged your horse into a full-speed sprint, adrenaline surging through your veins.

And then, because you’re apparently half-crazy, you decided standing on your saddle while your horse bolted forward would be the best course of action.

The world slowed as you drew your bow, the wind whipping through your hair. You could hear the crowd’s gasps, see the Duke's smug expression turning into something more surprised, and feel Jamil's tense gaze on you. In that moment, you released the arrow.

Bullseye.

The crowd erupted into shock and awe, but you were too busy grinning like a complete idiot to care. You dismounted with all the grace of someone who just pulled off a dangerous trick, your steps light as you practically skipped over to Jamil.

"Did you see that?" you beamed, heart still racing. "I totally nailed it—"

But instead of matching your excitement, Jamil’s expression was stormy. His usually composed features were twisted in a way you hadn’t seen before—part fear, part anger, and all worry. Without warning, he grabbed your shoulders, his fingers digging in just a little too tight.

"What the hell were you thinking?” His voice was sharp, laced with panic. “Are you out of your mind? You could’ve gotten hurt, or worse!”

You blinked, surprised. “I… I was trying to win?"

“Trying to win?! You were trying to break your neck!” His grip tightened as he almost shook you, frustration evident in every word. “That wasn’t worth it. Nothing is worth risking your life like that!”

It dawned on you then that he wasn’t just mad—he was terrified. You reached up slowly, cupping his face with both hands, and his expression softened, though the storm in his eyes didn’t fully dissipate.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, the wind knocked out of you by just how much he cared. “I got carried away. But hey—” You grinned a little, trying to lighten the mood. “I looked cool, right?”

Jamil groaned, exasperated, but the corners of his mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. “You’re impossible,” he muttered, though his grip on your shoulders relaxed. His forehead dropped against yours, and for a moment, the world around you melted away. It was just the two of you, breathing the same air, sharing the same space.

“I know,” you whispered back, closing your eyes. “But you love me for it.”

He didn’t deny it. Instead, his hands slid down to your arms, his touch lingering as if grounding himself after the scare. You could feel the warmth radiating from him, his breath steadying as he leaned into you. It was such a sweet, unspoken moment, and you felt your heart swell.

All around you, whispers started to spread like wildfire among the nobles.

"Oh, they're perfect together."

“They’re like something out of a romance novel.”

Meanwhile, the Duke—who had watched the whole display—stood fuming, while the heroine, eyes narrowed, looked like she was seconds away from throwing a tantrum. But you didn’t care. All you cared about was the way Jamil was holding onto you, as if letting go wasn’t an option.

“Let’s go,” Jamil finally whispered, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes. His gaze was softer now, more relaxed, though still tinged with concern. “No more dangerous tricks. Promise me.”

You smiled softly and nodded. “No more. I promise.”

He huffed, clearly not entirely convinced, but he let it go. You leaned against him for a moment, basking in the warmth of his presence, completely oblivious to the fact that half the noble court was watching the two of you with admiration—or that the other half was stewing in jealousy.

As you both walked away, hand in hand, it was clear that whatever plan you and Jamil had originally devised, the real victory was this: him, you, and the world falling away as the two of you found something far more precious than winning a competition.

The nobleman’s sneer was so potent you could practically taste it in the air. “Ah, yes,” he drawled, looking down his nose at Jamil. “Nouveau riche, how quaint. No matter how much money you accumulate, you’ll never have the refinement or bloodline of true nobility.”

Jamil stood there, bored as ever, giving the man about as much attention as one would to a pesky fly. But you? You were vibrating with the sheer intensity of your rage. And then you heard it—her.

The heroine chimed in, her voice drenched in faux sincerity. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? The Duke has been managing the North so well—keeping everything running smoothly for years. Not everyone has the skills required for such a delicate task.”

Your eye twitched. Oh no. Oh no.

Jamil had been single-handedly keeping the kingdom’s economy afloat, using his brilliance to ensure food and resources flowed into the North during the harsh winters. He had done more in the span of a few years than these fools had done in their entire blood-soaked lineages. And this… this… buffoon had the nerve to look down on him?

The Duke, sensing the incoming storm, began discreetly tugging at the heroine’s sleeve, but she was as oblivious as ever. The prince, bless his spineless little heart, looked like he was ready to faint from second-hand embarrassment.

And that was your breaking point.

You stepped forward, a smile that could only be described as a harbinger of doom plastered across your face. “Oh, dear,” you cooed, your voice as sweet as poison. “Did I hear you correctly? You think the Duke is managing the North?”

The heroine blinked, clearly not catching the danger. “Well, of course! He’s—”

“Managing to exist in the North without Jamil’s trade routes, maybe,” you interrupted sharply, turning your gaze to the Duke, who now looked like he wanted to crawl into the nearest hole. “You should be on your knees, thanking Jamil for saving your people from starvation every winter. But no, please, continue on about how ‘delicate’ your situation is. Maybe you’ll convince yourself one day.”

“How dare you,” you snapped, your voice rising as you turned to the heroine. “And you. Sitting here, all wide-eyed and clueless, nodding along like you understand the gravity of the situation. You wouldn’t last a week managing a pantry, let alone a region.”

You didn’t give her a chance to reply before turning your sights on the nobleman. “And you,” you started, eyes narrowing as you stepped closer, “talking down to Jamil like you’ve ever lifted a finger to actually do something useful. Do you think your bloodline is going to rescue you when your estate crumbles from your own incompetence? If you spent half as much time working on something productive instead of sneering at people better than you, maybe you wouldn’t be such a leech on society.”

The nobleman’s face went red with anger, but before he could sputter a reply, you had already turned to the prince.

“And as for you,” you said, fixing him with a look of pure disdain. “What exactly is your contribution to this little scene, hm? Standing there, wringing your hands like a wet sponge. Do you have any idea what Jamil has done for your kingdom, or are you too busy polishing your tiara to notice?”

The prince opened his mouth, but no sound came out. It was glorious.

You turned back to Jamil, who was watching you with an amused but unreadable expression. “We’re done here,” you said, grabbing his arm and marching out of the room without a backward glance.

The carriage ride back was thick with silence, the weight of your outburst pressing down on you. Jamil hadn’t said a word, but you could feel his eyes on you, sharp and calculating. You kept your gaze fixed on your hands, guilt creeping up your spine.

“I— I didn’t mean to make it look like you couldn’t defend yourself,” you started, the words tumbling out of your mouth in a rush. “I just couldn’t stand the way they were talking about you—”

Before you could finish, Jamil’s hand gently tilted your chin up, and before you knew it, his lips were on yours. It wasn’t soft or tentative—no, it was a kiss that made your heart race and your mind go blank.

When he pulled away, you were breathless. “I found it hot,” he murmured, smirking.

You blinked, utterly thrown off by the confession. “What?”

He kissed you again, slower this time, and when he pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “You have no idea how much I love you,” he whispered.

You let out a shaky laugh, still trying to process everything. “I love you too,” you whispered back, your voice full of emotion.

Jamil’s eyes softened, and without another word, Jamil swept you into his arms, lifting you effortlessly in a bridal carry as the carriage pulled up to your manor. He carried you inside, past the stunned servants, and straight to the bedroom, where the door closed with a soft click behind you.

As he laid you gently on the bed, you could only smile up at him, the weight of everything melting away in the warmth of his gaze.

And for once, the world beyond the two of you didn’t matter at all.

The scandal erupted at the royal ball like a badly timed burp during a quiet opera.

The heroine—bless her, she meant well, but her foot was permanently lodged in her mouth—had done the unthinkable. You and Jamil watched from across the ballroom as she stood before the fae delegation, attempting to “honor” their centuries-old traditions.

But instead of the elegant gesture of goodwill she was supposed to offer, she made a noise that can only be described as an awkward impersonation of a dying goose and proceeded to bow backwards.

That alone wasn’t even the worst part.

“Oh no,” Jamil whispered under his breath, eyes wide with disbelief as he took in the scene. “She’s about to—”

Before he could finish his sentence, the heroine reached into her dress and produced… a bouquet of mushrooms. Not just any mushrooms. The fae’s sacred mushrooms, rumored to be foraged under the light of a blood moon and infused with mystical properties.

She shoved them at the fae emissary like a child offering wilted flowers to a stranger, and then—oh gods, why—she patted his head.

Dead silence fell across the ballroom.

The emissary, who had remained calm despite the bowing fiasco, now stared down at the mushrooms with a look of profound insult and horror. His fellow fae were vibrating, their wings fluttering ominously, as though on the verge of launching an interdimensional war over a bouquet of fungi.

You snorted, barely containing your laughter. “She’s done it now.”

Jamil, ever the diplomat, pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you know what those mushrooms symbolize to the fae?”

“No, but I’m assuming it’s not ‘Congratulations on your promotion’ or ‘Get well soon’?”

“Death,” Jamil muttered, casting a glance at you that screamed please don’t laugh. “She just handed them a bouquet that says, ‘I wish for your demise and the utter destruction of your family line.’”

At that, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. A small laugh escaped before you slapped your hand over your mouth, trying—and failing—to keep your composure. Jamil shot you a warning glare, but even he looked like he might break. The absurdity of it all was too much.

The fae emissary spoke, his voice sharp enough to cut glass. “This is an outrage. We demand recompense for this offense.”

The king and prince rushed over, trying to smooth things over with promises of reparations, apologies, anything to keep the fae from turning the court into a smoking crater. But the damage was done. The fae delegation was livid, and rightfully so. There were whispers of broken treaties, wars brewing, diplomatic chaos that would take decades to resolve.

And who did they turn to for help?

You and Jamil, of course.

Later that evening, as you lounged comfortably in your private manor, feet propped up on an ottoman, there was a frantic knock on the door. You exchanged a look with Jamil, who was reclining next to you, casually sipping his tea as though the kingdom wasn’t on the brink of a magical apocalypse.

The door swung open, and the king, the prince, and a handful of stressed-out nobles barged in, their faces pale with desperation.

“You two!” the prince bellowed, his voice barely keeping it together. “You’ve dealt with the fae before! Fix this!”

Jamil didn’t even look up from his tea. “No.”

The prince blinked. “Excuse me?”

Jamil sipped again, then casually set his cup down on the table. “I said no. I’m done. We’re done.”

You nodded, not even bothering to hide your amusement. “I think the heroine has this under control. She’s doing great.”

“She insulted the fae. She gave them a bouquet of death mushrooms!” the prince cried, waving his arms dramatically like a man in the throes of a panic-induced breakdown. “They’re going to declare war!”

“Sounds like a you problem,” you quipped, grinning.

The king, who had remained uncharacteristically silent, took a step forward, his eyes pleading. “Please, for the sake of the kingdom…”

Jamil sighed deeply, finally turning his attention to the royal mess in your doorway. “We’ve dealt with more than enough idiocy for one lifetime. How about this? You let the heroine finish what she started. If she can bungle her way into this disaster, surely she can find a way out.”

The prince spluttered, incredulous. “But you—”

“Nope,” you interrupted, standing up and stretching lazily. “We’re officially on vacation. Jamil, pack the bags.”

Jamil stood with a casual grace that belied the utter chaos unfolding behind him. “Already done.”

The king’s jaw dropped. “Vacation?! Now?! The kingdom is on the verge of collapse!”

You grabbed your coat and slung it over your shoulder with a smirk. “Well then, I’d suggest you start learning how to negotiate with the fae. Maybe start by not giving them death mushrooms.”

With that, you and Jamil strolled out of the manor, leaving the baffled royals standing in your doorway like confused children. The sound of the prince’s sputtering protests faded behind you as you made your way down the garden path, the night air cool and refreshing against your skin.

Jamil chuckled beside you, his hand slipping into yours as you walked. “Do you think they’ll manage?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” you said with a laugh. “But we deserve this. Let them figure it out for once.”

“And maybe…” you paused, letting the words hang in the air for a moment. “Maybe we should make it official while we’re at it.”

Jamil stopped in his tracks, turning to look at you, his brows lifting in surprise. “You mean… get married?”

You smiled, leaning into him. “Why not? We’ll be far away from prying eyes, just the two of us, in the summer hours. It sounds perfect.”

For a moment, the world stood still. Then Jamil’s lips curved into the softest smile you’d ever seen. “I think that sounds perfect too.”

And so, you and Jamil left the court and its catastrophes behind, fleeing to the countryside like two fugitives on the run from royal idiocy. The villa you’d chosen was perfect—nestled in the hills, far away from the fae, the heroine, and the ridiculous drama that followed her like a bad smell.

The first morning, as you lay in bed next to Jamil, sunlight streaming through the open windows, he turned to you with a grin.

“So, what now? Do we just… hide out here forever?”

You shrugged, pulling him closer. “Why not? We can start a goat farm. I’ll name all the goats after the people we hate.”

Jamil laughed, burying his face in your neck. “A herd of royal goats. Perfect.”

And somewhere, in the distance, the kingdom probably crumbled. The heroine probably insulted more magical creatures. But for once, it wasn’t your problem.

You and Jamil had found peace in the countryside.

And maybe, just maybe, you’d throw a wedding in between all the goat naming.

The days that followed were blissfully quiet, each one blending into the next in a haze of sun-soaked afternoons and peaceful nights. You and Jamil fell into an easy rhythm—waking with the sun, wandering through the countryside, sharing meals beneath the open sky. It was simple, and that simplicity was a balm to both your souls.

The court sent letters, of course—pleading, begging for your return. But each one went unanswered. The Fae situation had likely escalated, the heroine’s blunder growing more disastrous by the day, but it wasn’t your problem anymore. Let them sort out the mess. You and Jamil had something far more important now—a life of your own making.

One evening, as you sat together on the porch of the villa, watching the sunset, Jamil leaned over and whispered, “Do you think they’ve figured it out yet?”

You laughed softly, leaning into him. “That we’re never coming back?”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Yes.”

“They’ll figure it out eventually,” you said, your voice light, but filled with certainty. “But by then, we’ll be long gone.”

And you were. Far from the court, from the games of power and politics, from the endless demands and expectations. You had found your own path, one where the only thing that mattered was each other.

In the end, the kingdom survived. The heroine, somehow, managed to blunder her way through the Fae negotiations, though the details remained hazy in the few letters you received from old acquaintances. The Duke, as always, remained by her side, a constant fixture in a world you no longer had to care about.

But as for you and Jamil? You stayed in the countryside, living in the warmth of each day, far from the reach of courtly drama. And when the summer finally faded into autumn, you knew, without a doubt, that you had made the right choice.

Together, you had built a life out of love, quiet and unassuming, but richer than anything the court could have ever offered. And in the end, that was more than enough

Series Masterlist ; Masterlist

The next one is Floyd!

[definitelynuwonhere]

REDACTEDTOBER DAY 03

ASHER

—

“Accolade”

Asher loves to brag. No doubt about it, but one thing he loves to brag about the most is his friends. Talking anyone ear’s off about the high-status clients David’s been able to grab, Sweethearts badass sherlock skills (his words) Milo’s eye for fashion, or his mate’s skyrocketing career.

He took pride in letting other’s know of his friend’s accomplishments, because in his eyes, everyone needed to be told of their achievements. And they needed to know that in spite of everything, someone out there was proud.

It was his thing.

When it came to him though, he preferred taking the backseat, except when shoving his mariokart victory at his friend’s faces.

He wasn’t the brightest academically, the only award he ever got at school being ‘Most Cheerful’ in Pre-K, other than that, he mostly served as a spectator in his friend’s achievements. And he was fine with that, being everyone’s personal cheerleader. Hell you give him pom poms, he’d give it his all.

So you’d imagine the surprise on his face when his 5-year old came running into the kitchen with a piece of paper, calling out to him.

“Papa!” The little girl called out, a bright grin on her face, holding up the paper towards him

“What’s this?” He tilted his head, an amused smile playing at his lips.

The girl merely giggled, stomping her feet adamantly making him take the paper, “Read it! Read it!”

Asher chuckled, taking the paper, reading what was written

Suddenly, the corners of his eyes crinkled as he fought back tears, a wide grin spreading across his face as he read the words “This Best Dad Award Goes to: My Papa” scribbled in crayon.

“Whatd’ya think?” The little girl perked, tilting her head awaiting a response.

Asher chuckled, the emotions evident from his suddenly runny nose as he spoke. “I love it Kelce..” He said, holding out his arms for a hug.

Kelcee giggled, running into his father’s open arms, nuzzling into his chest.

He pressed a lingering kiss on his daughter’s head before wrapping her into a warm embrace, feeling a strong sense of protectiveness and love.

Out of all the accolades he could’ve had, none could truly compare in value or prestige to this single piece of writing from his daughter.

Noble peace or Oscar be dammed, this was the only award he was truly, and wholeheartedly proud about, and one he’d no doubt would brag about, for the rest of his life.

[webcomicreads]

The Issue with "Foefic"

For as long as humans have created things, others have looked at the fruits of their labour and thought, "I can do that better." Drawing inspiration from something you see and think you could improve upon is not wrong, it is how innovation works when it comes to creating tools, art, cooking. However, some people mean it in a malicious way. A way that teeters on jealousy and, if I may, clout-thirsty.

Lore Rekindled is a "retelling" of the (unfortunately) Eisner award winning webcomic Lore Olympus. From what I saw on the post introducing it, it is "better drawn and better written." I, like many, have issue with Lore Olympus. The writing is lacking and absolutely not award-worthy, and it even misses the mark as a cheesy harlequin romance. Persephone's characterization has no consistency. The art, while striking and easily recognizable, leaves a lot to be desired, especially when it comes to backgrounds. I don't consider it noteworthy, but it is heavily pushed by Naver's Webtoon, and that is probably why it keeps winning awards. With how low my opinion of Lore Olympus was, I dived into Lore Rekindled hoping to find something with more substance.

I did not find that substance.

LR suffers in different ways than LO. It assumes that you have read or are at least familiar with the major characters of Lore Olympus, which is understandable. The characters are re-written and interact strangely. Many of the characters in LO are meant to come off as "old money," and this shows in their lifestyles, fashion, and way they speak. The characters in LR all appear to have the same voice. If I were to print out a transcript of this comic and read it out loud, they would all be indistinguishable. LR is "better drawn," but what I think they meant is it is less toony. The backgrounds are better most of the time, but the panelling is boring and lacks the dynamicism seen in the original work. The plot is, if I'm being honest, just AU fanfiction (derogatory).

When I also learned that this creator had an original comic, I was very interested to see what it brought to the table. As I understood it, LR was a side project. So you can imagine my surprise when I looked at both the old and the new Project Reaper and it is just objectively a worse comic. The the majority of the cast has same-face syndrome, and seem to live in a cool-tone hell with no furniture most of the time. The concept of how to dress and style characters seems to be locked into what a 15 year old thinks is badass, but that fits for the story. The plot and dialogue reads like something a middle-schooler would make as an RP scenario with friends. The colouring is lazy dodge and burn, which just emphasizes that the author does not care about cultivating a space or atmosphere or world for these characters to live in. They are just toys to mash together to make your angsty super cool comic that you're going to pitch to Dark Horse for REAL, GUYS. And the first comic for this series is written right to left. In the author's defense, they were a teen when they started the original comic.

So how does someone whose average panel looks like the example above come to the conclusion that they can make a better comic? It's simple: Project Reaper is original, but LR has base material you can go off of. Anyone can read a comic and think "I would do THIS for this panel, and I would do THAT for this character introduction." I did it reading both of these comics. But if I were handed only the script for either of these projects, it would not come as easily. Lore Rekindled only looks "better" because it has Rachel's work to build off of. This goes back to what I was saying at the beginning, that the "I could do that but GOOD" view isn't doing you any favours, especially when you aren't doing your own IP well.

I think writing a little hate piece once in a while is good. Draw a hate piece if you really need to (though I would just show it to friends, personally.) Consuming a little media you hate is also good. As a creator, it is important to see and understand why you hate something, what you would change, and what little glimmers of good are in an otherwise pile of garbage. It helps you grow, to realize your tastes, and what not to do in your own work. Critically acclaimed writer Alan Moore agrees! But to have a whole comic with a regular update schedule redrawing something you hate is... It's giving "look at my sonichu comic redraw!" It is loser behavior.

Plenty of people create media out of spite, and I encourage it. I do it too. But the work should be your own. You need to put this energy into your IP. If you keep being a "hater," you'll never guess what you attract. Other haters! And those haters will like you, for now. But one of these days, someone will go through your list of essays and think, "oh, but I don't see any fat people in YOUR work that aren't plus-size model attractive." All it takes is one comment or take that a similarly-minded reader doesn't like and there could be a master list about you!

I am, of course, not saying you can't make derivative works at all. The doujinshi market is full of fan creations, and every art site you go to will be full of fanart. But the difference between LR and these works (generic sexy flavour of the month artists aside,) is that they are made with love. With passion for the original work. I think back to Homestuck AUs because, while I may not have liked them, these creators were doing it out of love for the characters. I follow a few guys on twitter who have been drawing a picture of their anime wife every day for over 10 years. That's love! Then you have more transformative works like Hello from Halo Head, of which some of it's characters are off-brand animal crossing characters. I love that. I think it's neat that the creator loved that little cat twink enough to bring him into their comic in a new form.

I think the point of this post is that you can use spite as a motivator, but it should be for your own creations. We have a limited time on this planet, and even less time where our hands are still able to pick up a pen. Put this towards your passion for the medium, for the stories in your heart. It's rough out there for creators, and it can be hard to find an audience in the ever-churning seas of the internet. But, please, don't put all your effort into "foefiction." That is cringe. And, if you're going to anyways, it'd better actually be good.

PS B^u

[angelically-crying]

|: Call of Duty HC 🫶 :|

Note : This is my first post, other than the intro post, so Don’t get all mad if I misspell anything or I have a certain HC you don’t agree with. 💕

Characters mentioned : John price, Simon Riley, John Mactavish, Kyle Garrick, Kate Laswell, Nikolai, Alex Keller, and Farrah Karim ‼️💕 the sillies

John Price-

Greatest and most stressed father of the year award.

💥 silly Quokka smile💥

Y’know those iq ads that show the older you are, the less you know? He gets so offended by that so he tries playing it to show he isn’t dumb, but gets pissed when they just aren’t interactive and send him to the download page.

He’s an animal dude, he can rock with any animal you put him next to. But I am guessing, personally, that he was like obsessed with black bears specifically. Nobody knew why. He just found them cool and amazing as a kid, and still does.

He has that old dad cough that sounds like he’s dying of influenza. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIS SNOR—

You know how some dads hug and sway you and themselves as you hug? He does that. He got that treatment when he was younger, it conditioned onto him. When he first did it to Simon, MF was confused as shit and gave the most horrendous and judgmental side eye after they finished the hug.

speaking of the others, They will get spooked like cats when Price suddenly sneezes like a bazooka or coughs like he just smoked 20 packs of cigarettes at once. Especially Kyle, he most definitely had a heart attack the first time he heard Price cough twice in a row thinking he was dying.

Supportive ahh bisexual dad.💕🥺

Gives off “Hey Gay, I’m Dad!” Jokes if you came out to him.

Simon “Ghost” Riley

I both Can and can’t see why people simp for this man.

sure, He makes booktok people horny af for his mask and deep British accent, his tattoos, the fact he could break their neck in one morsel of strength but would decide not to if he knew them, etc etc.

but that’s most likely from trauma, both unresolved and buried down or spoken about like jokes but gets angered when someone jokes about it. (Both is me. I’m those examples. Yippeee ‼️)

breakfast. He isn’t picky but he is. Beans? Fuck that shit, Burn. BURN. However, the most darkest and traumatic tasting coffee ever grounded from the pits of hell itself just made for the traumatized Masked man? Sure. Call it a cup of FUCKING JOE.

Though he doesn’t sneeze or cough like Price does, He sleeps dying influenza patient Victorian man style. First time he and Soap were forced to sleep together, Soap woke up miraculously early, thought he died and cried there for 20 minutes before Ghost woke up all tired like he was hibernating.

I think he loves Riley for not only is she just adorable and a great dog, She is the best thing to have when dealing with snakes.

He was fixated on one animal when he was younger. Motherfucking Raccoons. He found them so hilarious and goofy as a kid, he now fell in love with a man who is the human embodiment and reincarnation of the raccoon king.

One pet peeve Ghost has is when someone smacks their lips. No matter what, you smack your lips, he smacks you too. He’s that badass mum that goes “Keep smacking them lips, I’ll smack you.” While cracking his knuckles viscously.

Traumatized gay man. 😔💪

John “Soap” Mactavish :

Listen, He likes bubble baths. That’s a pretty well known fact. But.. Have you ever considered.. He may try doing Romantic dates in a bath tub? He’ll do those corny but sweet rose petal trails to a bathtub filled with bubbles and rubber ducks with a goddamn rose in his mouth seductively.

anyways, hope your happy with that visual. He most definitely does the continuous bumping his wrists together, not knowing he’s saying ‘hard sex’ in ASL. (I did this multiple times, both before and after. It’s unconsciously stuck to me. I fear myself only.)

If he ever visited England to see his boyfriend Lieutenant, Ghost, nobody could fucking understand him. But when Ghost visits Soap, Everybody sounds so fucking confusing to Ghost that he just walked out into a forest for a lap. Like when people read a cringy sentence and have to put their phones down, walk around their house two or three times, before going back.

He makes fun of Kyle whenever Helicopters are mentioned in a convo, just like making puns to piss him off.

“ Oi Gaz, do ye like the band ‘The fall out boys’? ” while giggling like a mean middle school girl. 😔✊

He likes frogs. Did as a kid, still does now. But the catch is, He cannot go towards one if his entire life was on the line. Like, He finds them cute but nearly pisses himself when They jump towards him.

silly little bisexual ‼️😊

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

So. You wanna hear my head canons of my Husband? /Jkjk—

I could imagine this dude was judgmental as a kid, full on mama’s Boy conversation with his mama like “ Let me guess, Aunt Stephanie said this! She is always talking crap about you, Mama, but I don’t see dad coming home with a new hickey every weekend. “

when someone goes low, he goes the lowEST.

I like to think he has a sister or two who influenced him on skincare, periods (for if he pulls anyone with period hauntings), and how to style various hairstyles just so his sisters didn’t have to pay a shit ton of money for the same hairstyle.

Do any of you guys just.. think this man bakes? Just baking when he’s bored or stressed. No thoughts. Just cookies.

He loved otters as a kid, but now finds Pallas cats better.

trust that he has heard tea from nearly every country that even agents don’t know about.

Bisexual. Leaning more towards mlm but nonetheless free-styling .

Kate Laswell :

the queen. The majesty. The LESBIAN MUM.

I like to imagine her wife is the ultimate mastermind, Like Kate is just the boss of tf141 but instantly does any bidding her wife asks her to do.

She’d be a great aunt, Mum would be even better.

I bet she met her wife in either a serene area like a flower shop or a bloodlust filled chaos like the battlefield. Two ways this could go. No in-between. Retired lesbian medic, Or Flowershop owner.

Kate seemed like the girl to like Penguins for not only their cuteness but their habitats , their diet, their life, and everything about them.

Would I be wrong to say that she most definitely got a piercing when she was a teen but took it out some time later?

She’d be a great friend to have, she’d be the one who’d order for you if you’re nervous.

You cannot FUCKING. DENY. That she has a border collie with a sweet name like Dolly

She has a wide range of music, but Music from Dolly Parton inspires her. Just imagine it.

a canonical lesbian with immense sarcasm.

Alex Keller :

Mmm the white man. /jk

He seems like he’d be the average uncle. I actually have an uncle that looks sorta like him, but balding brown hair and is named Corey.

He most definitely had a golden retriever or Siberian husky as a kid, some dog breed that’s hella energetic.

i can imagine how Any dog interaction he has now, they always try at least once to steal his leg like fetch.

He regretfully wore old spice when he was a teen but thankfully stopped after smelling himself.

He seemed to have played baseball as a kid. He just gives off that vibe.

He most definitely mispronounces easy af words on accident when distracted.

speaking of that, he seems to be a baking when stress kind of dude but also, if he did that, he’d pause halfway through cause he got distracted then forgets what he was doing. The only reminder being the burning kitchen after thirty minutes of distractions.

Silly little pansexual ‼️💕

Farah Karim

would i be wrong to headcannon that she would be the best muffin maker? Like even better than Gaz and Laswell.

She is so pretty ‼️

her favorite animal once was hedgehogs but now it’s lionesses. A massive change but both great animals.

I bet when she was a kid that she would threaten to bite people, and when in fights, actually did bite people. Worth it. (i have done this before as a kid. Proud af)

She would rock those black a leopard print sunglasses mums wear to beaches. Just think of it.

I wanna think that she had once owned those rabid chihuahuas and called the dog something sweet and unsuspecting like “Mr. sprinkles” for the fun and hell of it.

silly little demiromantic bisexual 🫶💕‼️

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

⸢ Chaeri's masterlist ⸥

A look through Chaeri's different hairstyles and which one is the member's favourite

ও Natural hair colour eras

⁖ Dark brown is Chaeri's natural hair color

⁖ It is also the hairstyle she is most seen

⁖ When she has long hair, she likes to keep it curly at the ends and straight at the hairline

⁖ According to fans brunette Chaeri is superior

⁖ Jungkook's favourite. He likes her having long hair because one of the things that relaxes him most is running his fingers through it before going to sleep

⁖ She often styles her hair with ribbons, scrunchies and hair jewellery

⁖ The producer of the MV of 'Black Swan' demanded her to turn back to this hair style for the video

⁖ The first time she cut her hair so short the fans went into chaos, in a very positive sense

⁖ Armys started referring to her as Oppa Chaeri

⁖ She was first seen at the airport, the pictures from that day are endless. The bodyguards had a lot of work to do to keep Chaeri safe from invading people

⁖ Yoongi's favourite. He believes that this cut gives her a more mature and womanly (rather than girly) appearance

⁖ In a vlive she said how she had cut it off in the heat of the moment but that she never regretted it

⁖ At that time she took the opportunity to have her ears more in view to wear peculiar earrings

ও Blonde eras

⁖ Strawberry blonde is the first light shade she has ever done to her hair

⁖ This colour goes very well with her not too fair skin tone

⁖ Her hair was so long back then that it took her hairdresser half a day to dye it

⁖ Fans that met her said the hair's much lighter in the sun than they appear in the photos

⁖ Namjoon's favourite. He often said in interviews that Chaeri looked adorable and angelic to him with that hair

⁖ After a short while she cut her strawberry blonde hair and made it a shade more copper-like

⁖ She always kept it straight

⁖ Jimin's favourite. He says that hair not too long and light-coloured brings out her beautiful face more

⁖ This was the hairstyle she had during the release of 'Dynamite'

⁖ She says that, although she prefers to see herself with long hair, having short or mid-length hair allows her to take better care of it and keep it healthier

⁖ The copper hair and glasses combo drives the armys (especially the males) crazy and they can't help but post it on every social media

⁖ SHE F*CKING OWNS THIS SHADE OF BLONDE

⁖ Gives off 'you can't sit with us' vibes

⁖ Kinda intimidating

⁖ This hairstyle goes along with the beginning of her learning to rap.

⁖ Fans for months, whenever they met the Rap line, jokingly thanked them for making the rap version of Chaeri alive

⁖ Hobi's favourite. He is the number one fan of Chaeri's badass side and this style screams it

ও Underlights and colored hair eras

⁖ She had Red underlights only for a couple of months during the release of 'Idol'

⁖ She wanted to match Jungkook's hair somehow

⁖ This style annoyed her so soon, though

⁖ But she liked her fringes

⁖ Isn't she the prettiest girl in the world with pink under lights?

⁖ Soft Chaeri vibes

⁖ It makes her look like an everlasting teen

⁖ Absolutely Jin's favourites. Being the oldest, it's hard for him to see the maknae line grow so fast. This hair style reminds him of when the then 16-year-old Chaeri asked him to apply fake strands of pink hair to her

⁖ She basically did it to cover her previous red locks but liked it more than she expected

⁖ The comeback of fringes

⁖ She wasn't even aware of the burgundy dye before Taehyung showed her

⁖ She loved it so much that she called her hairdresser at 9 p.m. so that she could show up at the awards ceremony the next day with that colour

⁖ Taehyung's favourite. He told her repeatedly that seeing her in unusual colours makes her even more unique than she already is

Credits to media owners

[neonstatic]

fave lines in the quarry award goes to: dylan worst lines in the quarry goes to: ryan

and somehow these two are an item :/ ok

also i like how they made the most badass characters women (laura and kaitlyn) and the most pathetic characters men (max and jacob)... singlehandedly solved sexism :)

special shoutout to jacob for being the best pathetic man. he was funny. every line was well-delivered and just the right amount of stupid.

[readerwithnosleep]

Book Series Specific Award Show Time!!

The categories are:

Most character development.

Least character development.

Best couple.

Best friendship.

Best chapter.

Best female character.

Best male character.

Best book of the series.

Most heartbreaking moment.

Most underrated character.

Most overrated character.

Plus an honourable mention.

The series of note in this case is the Zodiac Academy (plus additions from the connected series’) as it has quickly become my favourite series. For now that is.

SO! The results!

The award for Most Developed Character goes to:

🐺Seth Capella (ZA) because holy shit i hated this dude two books ago. I would basically skim his chapters when they appeared and now I'm smiling at the page when he comes on.

🐍Ryder Draconis (RB), like damn this man went from getting murderous, or horny it depends on if Elise was there or not, every time he saw the main group to being Nebular Allies with his worst enemy and walking around with DISNEY TATTOOS.

The award for Least Developed Character goes to:

🐲Darius Acrux (ZA), I really don't like this dude sometimes because his lack of change brings me such uncontrollable anger all the time and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL- he. does. not. deserve. Tory. Like, they are perfectly matched but that means squat when he treats her like a clueless little girl all the time.

The award for Best Couple goes to:

💙🦇BlueLance (ZA) because THESE TWO have the best and purest relationship and they are so cute but also so fucking hot and sooo fierce when fighting for one another. Nobody can even attempt to come close to them.

The award for Best Friendship goes to:

🐍🦅Ryder and Gabriel (RB) because the friendship between these two was utterly heart breaking during how it began to fully form after the first Elysian Mate bond but the devotion to eachother that they end up with is UNMATCHED in the Ruthless Boys series.

💙❤️‍🔥Darcy and Tory (ZA), these two have such a strong relationship, I mean their bond transcends the effects of the shadows from the very first moment that they use them. They were my rock, my fall-to relationship throughout this whole series and it hurt when they were separated and at odds the most.

The award for Best Chapter goes to:

🦁💜🐍Chapter 21 - Warrior Fae (RB) was SO FUNNY. Leon was a genius and that's all I'm going to say. 🦇🦅Chapter 19 - Warrior Fae (RB) was so fucking bizarre but so absolutely hilarious that it makes sense that why 'Orio' and 'Noxy' are bonded by the stars because what other friend would not double over in laughter when that happens.

💙❤️‍🔥Fire trial chapter in Darcy's POV (can't find what chapter it was) in The Reckoning (ZA) because they were so damn badass when they literally WALKED. THROUGH. FIRE. Like, goddamn. I would gladly join the A.S.S. and bow to Tory and Darcy.

💙🦇Chapter sex ed - The Reckoning (ZA) when many readers where reading the chapter through the gaps in their fingers and tears of disbelief and laughter. It was so bloody funny!

The award for Best female Character goes to:

💜Elise Callisto (RB), while yes there was limited amounts of female characters that were actually good in the Ruthless Boys series, Elise was still a complete badass and she deserves more recognition then I'm giving her in this.

💙DARCY VEGA (ZA) because this girl is amazing in every way. Imma just sum up her brilliance in this quote in which she cut Seth down to size; "Iron is made stronger in the hottest part of the fire, Seth. You didn't break me, you forged me.” I am in love with her.

The award for Best male Character goes to:

🐍Ryder Draconis (RB) because he was tied favourite with Gabe but since we barely see Ryder in the other books there is more excitement at the prospect him popping up in them.

🦇Lance Orion (ZA) THIS MAN OWNS MY SOUL. I would be his doormat if he asked me to. If he told me to. Even if he looked at it, I would materialise into it and feel honoured when he stood on me.

The award for Best Book of the Series:

3️⃣The Reckoning - (ZA), this is my comfort book. It is before all the awful shit stars to happen at the scarily fast rate that it does for the rest of the series. Plus, BlueLance forms.

5️⃣Warrior Fae - (RB) because this is where everyone gets all mushy squash and the ✨group activities✨ were great. And when they actually got on there was some absolutely amazing scenes between them all and it warmed my wounded heart.

The award for Most Heart breaking Moment goes to:

🚨🦁THE CAVE WITH EVIL, SIREN, THERAPIST BITCH AND LEON. (RB) That scene made me bawl my eyes out at like five in the morning and it was NOT pleasant. Not fun.

🐉💙❤️‍🔥Y'know what? Nobody talks about it and it annoys me. When Catalina is given a star divorce by Darcy and Tory, that shit was heart breaking because of how unhappy she was for YEARS until that moment. It was a happy moment only because she had escaped.

The award for Most Underrated Character goes to:

🐉Catalina Acrux (ZA) because this woman was so strong and despite that she treated the twins, Orion, the Heirs and both of her boys with so much of the motherly love that most of them were missing growing up. She deserved every little speck of happiness that she could carve out of the world.

🍰Middle Kipling (RB) HEAR ME OUT! He provided so many weird ass moment that had me in tears of laughter every time. For example, the wedding?? That was peak comedy.

The award for Most Overrated Character goes to:

🦟Melinda Altair (RB specifically) I did not like her one bit in the Ruthless Boys series, I mean she outed them and almost got Ryder killed, brutally, many times. Idc that she is Elise's or Caleb's family, she was a bitch in those books.

🧛🐟Caleb Altair and Max Rigel (ZA) the only times that these two are not completely unbearable are when they are with their ships. If it wasn't for Seth and Geraldine they would be such extremely pointless wet blankets. Granted, they have some leeway with this because they are useful in the seventh book but other than then they are just kind of... there.

Now, finally the honourable mention goes to...

🐀Eugene Dipper! I loved this little guy when he appeared in both series'. He was funny and he became a much stronger Fae by the ZA books and I think he deserves a mention because he managed to escape Lionel's grip.

[whatayrablogs]

My reading goals took an unexpected turn by the end of November. I used to snub the romantasy genre a lot, thinking it just (arguably) cheapens the fantasy genre as a whole. Lack of world building, too much focused on the romance part, this and that. The list goes on. But last month, I took a chance in reading about a handsome shadow wielding dragon riders and I’ve been hooked. And I haven’t stopped reading new books from the genre.

Yes Sarah J Maas will never be Brandon Sanderson level. Rebecca Yarros is a contemporary author and would never ever level with George R.R Martin or even Neil Gaiman. Holly Black will never be a Terry Pratchett. Fourth Wing will never win a Hugo award for best literary work. But you know what? I don’t care. I realized maybe the romantasy genre isn’t the problem but my personal prejudice to it. I’ve come to realize that maybe even if the literary romance tropes are used and abused in this genre, I DON”T CARE. They make me laugh and cry and root for the characters and they make me kick my feet up in the air. Something doesn’t have to be great in all aspects for me to enjoy what it has to offer.

I think it has more to do with how I think of myself especially recently when I entered my thirties. I finally got over what I think I SHOULD want vs what I actually want. That maybe I am that basic. That I don’t want or need to read complicated world buildings all the time but still want to escape into worlds where good looking high lord Faeries live, where morally gray men and shadow wielding dragon riders exists who will fall in love with you and burn the world for you. Where badass female lead characters are the center of the story and their relationship development with the people matters most and slaying the bad monsters is just a plus, and not the other way around. and maybe smut is good in normal dose! I’ve devoured more books than normal in less amount of time and with the year ending too! I’m spiraling into a Sarah J Maas multiverse that I don’t see myself stopping any time soon and I’m starting to collect physical books again because of my love for these characters after sticking with my kindle for YEARS.

So what is my point with all these ramblings. I don’t know. Maybe just do what makes you happy. Quoting a line on A Court of Thrones and Roses: “Don't feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy”.

[moonstring]

And the most Badass Woman Award goes tooooo...

Doing research today, particularly focusing on old Colorado legends, and I found a story about a woman nicknamed Rattlesnake Kate. Apparently she killed 140 rattlers in a day, a good portion using a metal “No Hunting” sign when she ran out of bullets. She then proceeded to skin them and turn them into a dress. Later she opened a snake farm.

Given that I found this story in one of those questionably researched, self-published books you find in roadside gift shops, I figured it had to be a little oversold, right? So off to the internet I went and. Nope. Not oversold. There’s pictures. The dress is now in a museum.

[kristenreviewsmedia]

I'm Glad My Mom Died

Nonfiction or Biography: I'm Glad My Mom Died byJennette McCurdy Rating: 5 stars The memoir by Jennette McCurdy is heartbreaking, raw, and emotionally challenging. Jennette McCurdy would be most recognizable for her role as Sam Puckett in the teen shows on Nickelodeon ICarly and Sam & Cat. Jennette’s memoir addresses her upbringing and the control of her mom, Debra. Jennette McCurdy was born and raised in Los Angeles with three older brothers. In this memoir, she talks about the impact of her mother's breast cancer diagnosis, which would claim her mother’s life when she was 21. McCurdy shares the years of emotional, mental, and physical abuse she endured at the hands of a mother who had a relentless desire to mold her into a successful actress, something that Jeannette had no desire to do but did to please her mother, all starting at the age of 6. This all led to her mother trying to obsessively try to fix her appearance, which included eyelash tinting, teeth whitening, and extreme calorie restriction. As she started to achieve success, McCurdy lets us in on how she started dealing with eating disorders, alcohol addiction, and self-loathing. We also learn about the tumultuous relationships she goes through, from network producers trying to take advantage of her to toxic romantic relationships. Despite the painful experiences, McCurdy has always shown compassion and love for her mother, and despite everything that she has gone through, she was still able to overcome all this trauma and take back control of her life.

 This memoir is essential, but why? Many of us growing up always believed that the lives of famous people were perfect and they had no worries or struggles like us, but we come to learn that this is not true. Famous people undergo hidden struggles. I remember watching ICarly back then and wishing I could be Jennette because she was so pretty, and her character was badass. After reading this memoir and learning that she was struggling and dealing with these disorders the whole time, I can’t stop thinking about how she hid that well. Jennette's book proves that not even money or fame can make you happy when you have that past trauma in your life.  This is a must-read if the topic is not too heavy for you. We can see Jennette grow and get the help she needs throughout this series, and maybe this can help us grow.

Best Memoir & Autobiography on Good Reads Choice awards 2022

[kendrabythesea]

Movie tropes

Aliens Speaking English: But with merfolk. Without it, giving up a voice might not have been so painful. Kendra wouldn't know how to talk to Addison, and Biped!Kendra could have just learned to speak the local Deaf lingo.

Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: The sea creatures and plant life all come in very bright colors that make the underwater world pop.

Animal Talk: Merfolk are capable of communicating with both land and sea creatures, such as Stretch the octopus.

Award-Bait Song: Kobasolo’s cover of Kazuyoshi Saito’s “Utautai no Ballad”.

Badass Normal: Addison.

Badly Battered Babysitter: Stretch's part in the movie is a fleshed out version of this plot. The fact that his charge is 15 does not make things any easier.

Bittersweet Ending: Kendra is allowed to be with Addison but leaves her aunt behind. However, they still do keep in touch.

Calling the Old Man Out: Simmons calls out the other scientists, especially Sykes, for performing experiments on a non-consenting person, and planning to dissect her.

The Chew Toy: Simmons goes through quite a bit of torment trying to prove the existence of mermaids.

Crazy Consumption: Kendra is this at the seafood restaurant.

Cute Mute: Kendra after drinking her aunt’s prototype potion.

Didn't Think This Through: Simmons never imagined his scientific colleagues would dissect Kendra and treat her like a test subject.

Dr. Jerk: Dr. Sykes, a cold-hearted scientist who is willing to dissect a sentient being For Science! and belittles his rival Simmons.

Everyone Has Standards: Simmons may be somewhat egotistical, but he is appalled when his colleagues want to dissect a sapient being.

Faux Alpha Bitch: Darcy turns out to be this.

Fiery Redhead: Kendra.

Fish out of Water: Kendra's a near-literal example.

Heel–Face Turn: Dr. Simmons, upon learning that his colleagues plan to dissect Kendra. Simmons never wanted to hurt anybody, he just wanted to prove he was right.

Heroines Want Redheads

Hidden Depths: Darcy spends most of the movie as the Alpha Bitch. Then Addison gripes that the girl she was in a lesbian relationship with wasn’t human, Darcy gives Addison a blistering "The Reason You Suck" Speech, then says that Addison doesn't appreciate how lucky she is to have someone like Kendra.

Hoist by His Own Petard: Had Dr. Sykes not been so disrespectful to Simmons, it is likely wouldn't driven the guy to help the kids rescue Kendra from his dirty clutches and get him sent to the nuthouse.

Humans Are Bastards: How do humans react to a mermaid? All but one (and her friends) try to capture her for science. Worse, the scientists were planning on dissecting her.

Inhumanable Alien Rights: The scientists treat Kendra like an animal, even though she's a sentient human-like being who even speaks English; they keep her confined in Syke’s lab and plan to dissect her. As time was likely running out for her to be able to return to the sea, Addison, her classmates and Simmons had to rescue her immediately, since any legal procedures to protect her would have taken too long.

Innocent Fanservice Girl: Kendra makes a spectacular landfall in search of Addison.

Interspecies Romance: The film is about a lesbian romance between a mermaid and a human girl.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Darcy. She may be rude and insensitive, but she has a good core.

Dr. Simmons, as well. He goes to extreme measures to prove the existence of mermaids. However, he changes his attitude when he learns of the lengths the other scientists want to go to study her.

Large Ham: Dr. Simmons is very prone to shouting.

Simmons: BEHOLD THE MERMAID!

Limb-Sensation Fascination: One of the most important events is Kendra's transformation into a human. The film focuses briefly on her feet and how she's excited to have toes she can wriggle.

Lost Voice Plot: Kendra didn't lose her voice in the normal way, but through a potion of Marinella’s.

Mad Scientist: Simmons is more of a Played for Laughs Large Ham example. His rival Dr. Sykes, while more subdued and serious-sounding then Simmons, is a Played for Drama example as he wants to vivisect Kendra in spite of her being a sentient person, in contrast to Simmons’ own morals and conscience he keeps.

Magic Cauldron: Marinella, as befits someone whose profession is a witch, has something which is functionally equivalent to a witch's cauldron. It's used to create the potion which turns her niece human.

Meaningless Villain Victory: Simmons succeeds in exposing Kendra to the public. However, he is left heartbroken with the realization that he damned a sentient being to captivity and vivisection.

A Minor Kidroduction: Addison and Kendra first meet as children.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl: Kendra, for Addison.

Ms. Fanservice: Kendra, especially when she is first seen with legs.

My God, What Have I Done?: Dr. Simmons, when he learns they're going to kill the mermaid. All he wanted was to show people he's not crazy, which eventually turned out to be for nothing when his rival Dr. Sykes steals all the credit. Simmons drops from the film's initial Big Bad to someone who hardly registers as a Mook, and immediately helps Addison and her friends spring Kendra from captivity.

Naked People Are Funny: Well, half-naked people, anyway. What's really funny is Kendra's (lack of) reaction to people seeing her wearing nothing but a seaweed top and the split remains of her tail.

Not so Above It All: Despite appearing to approach his scientific career in a more professional manner, Dr. Sykes proves himself to be much worse Mad Scientist than his outwardly acting rival Simmons due to his amoral treatment of the sentient Kendra while doing experiments on her and his plan to dissect her without battling an eye in contrast to Simmons's own morals.

Not-So-Harmless Villain: Simmons goes through no small amount of torment... but eventually exposes Kendra as a mermaid.

Oh, Crap!: Kendra after she reverts to a mermaid.

Our Mermaids Are Different: Kendra is a classic Little Mermaid expy. If her legs get wet with saltwater, they'll instantly turn back into a tail.

Parental Abandonment: Kendra never knew her birth parents, being raised by her sea witch aunt Marinella.

Please Put Some Clothes On: Addison’s initial reaction to seeing the barely-dressed Kendra.

The Silent Bob: Kendra after becoming human.

Tail Slap: Kendra does this to one of Sykes’ colleagues during her capture.

They Would Cut You Up: One of the impending examinations on Kendra is dissection, or even vivisection.

Water-Triggered Change: Marinella warns Kendra that she (Kendra) will turn back into a mermaid should her legs get wet with saltwater. This is later demonstrated in the scene where Brody throws a bucket of aquarium water all over her. Near the end of the movie, Kendra drinks a potion that has this trope as a side effect.

What Measure Is a Non-Human?: Played frighteningly straight. The scientists (minus Simmons) perform various tests on Kendra and plan to dissect her. They never once consider her feelings about this despite her clearly being an intelligent, sentient creature.

What the Hell, Hero?: Addison was mortified and angry when she finds out Kendra, whom she has come to love, is a mermaid. However, Faux Alpha Bitch Darcy berates her for giving up on Kendra, and tells her that people can never be as happy as Addison felt when she was with Kendra. 

[swaps55]

The N Program

I’ve done a LOT of thinking and headcanoning about the N program, so for N7 day, I thought I’d share them for anyone who might be interested. :D

The fact that Shepard is a badass is something we all take for granted, because of COURSE Shepard is a badass. But I wanted to really take a close look at the N program to understand why and how, because it’s never really a focus in the trilogy aside from the really fucking kickass N7 logo.

I used the codex entry about the N program as a starting point, and filled in the gaps by doing some basic research on US spec-ops programs and extrapolating it to space.

I made the N training modular, undergone at spaced out intervals instead of all at once. This means that it would take over a year, if not longer, to go from N1 to N7.

As my Shepard is a biotic, I did a lot of poking at what it would be like to undergo such rigorous and brutal training in which food deprivation is standard as someone whose body requires significantly higher calorie counts than most humans. Given the rarity of human biotics, and the even greater scarcity of functional human biotics who would be of combat age, I also liked the idea that the Alliance doesn’t know what to do with human biotics. When Shepard goes through the program, the general line of thinking is just...survive it. It is only once more biotics attempt the N program - many of whom wash out - that the Alliance starts trying to integrate them. Kaidan Alenko is a key driver of the biotics training that eventually gets added to the N4 specialization course.

Since I have written heavily about N1 and N7 specifically, I put a lot of thought into what those particular programs look like in detail.

For N1 this meant developing an incredibly advanced Armax Arena-style simulator technology, nicknamed the Can, that sits off the coast of Brazil. This simulator, which is lined with gravitic plates that can raise and lower gravity in any plane, allows for elaborate recreations of alien environments, zero g and high g scenarios, and space combat, along with VI hostiles of any alien species.

For N7, I adopted Anderson’s description of the N7 asteroid test rather than the original codex account that states N7 is more or less awarded when a candidate proves themselves in combat, because I didn’t like the notion that N7 functioned more like a medal earned by random chance than something that could be earned via consistently administered and scored criteria. But I also didn’t like the idea that the asteroid test was basically a measure of how long you could hold your breath in vacuum. So I set it up as a skills test: candidates are dropped behind “enemy lines” in the asteroid belt, and told to survive as long as possible with limited supplies while being pursued by “hostiles” (other Ns). The idea is that candidates have to use everything they’ve learned about combat, survival, and zero-G to make the cut.

The document linked below includes my notes on what training is provided at each N level, where said training takes place, and its duration. I chose Ihla Grande, an island off the coast of Rio de Janeiro, as the actual location of the Villa.

This was a ton of fun to develop, and a lot of fun to write about. 

The N Program  

If you want to see fic that puts it in action, here is where I have written about it:

N1: Hope In These Wires, from Fugue.

N5: Fall From Your Ladder, from Cantata

N7: Facing Giants, from Cantata.

And just for fun, here’s the fic celebrating Shepard’s N7 achievement, with kissing.

The Words That Change Us

Happy N7 Day!!!

[dunnswrld]

Bam Dating Rockstar Reader Headcannons!

a/n: This idea has been stuck in my head forever so I'm finally letting it out haha

prompt: Title :)

warnings: Fluff, smut, fem!reader, light mention of alcohol

Bam would feel like he won at life if he dated a rockstar girl.

Forget the sports cars, fancy clothing, money, tv shows and movies this would truly make him feel on top of the world

I feel like Bam was a big fan of your band before you two met

Of course you knew who he was before he spoke to you because you loved Jackass

(who didn't in the 2000s?)

But when you spot Bam at the barricade at one of your shows with Ryan, Chris, and Dico while you were on stage you got a little too happy

So happy that during a random stage break you took you told your manager to ask the four boys if they wanted to join your after party

And when Bam was asked by your manager he was shell shocked.

You, Yn Yl, one of the singers for the biggest metal bands in the world wanted him, a guy who records himself getting hurt for money, at your after party?!

Of course he said yes and the four boys where all on top of the world for the rest of the concert

During the after party Bam spoke to you and you talked about how you loved Jackass and his crazy stunts, which got him flustered even though he is hard to get flustered

You also got flustered when Bam talked about how much he loved your music, even saying how he had your first album you had ever released before the band you were now in

But at the end of the night you ended up asking Bam on a date and Bam said yes a little too quickly in his head

And the rest is history

Bam wears your merch every chance he gets

You release a new line of merch? He's the first to be wearing it

Bam is probably your number one fan

When you first went over to his house and into his room you swore his face went white when you saw a poster of your swimsuit photoshoot on his wall above his bed that he forgot to take down

"This doesn't make me look like a total creep right?!"

He never ended up taking it down, even when you moved in with him ;)

When your on tour Bam goes to all the shows he can

Sometimes he's in the crowd, sometimes he's backstage, just depends on his mood

Sometimes he even surprises you while on tour by going to your shows

Of course you have to be in Jackass

Bam didn't even have to ask Jeff twice when he said you wanted to be in a stunt

"Hey Jeff Yn and I were wondering if she could be in a stunt? It doesn't have to be nothing big but-"

"Why are you even asking me if Yn Yl, the face of a music genre, can be in the movie? Dumbass."

Your first time ever on set was great

All the guys loved you and even talking about how they loved your music

If we are being honest all you got on set were compliments

"Nice jacket Yn!" - Johnny most likely

"Your music is totally rad dude!" - Steve-o

"You're way more badass then Bam." - Chris

Bam and Ryan were practically rolling their eyes out of their heads as they watched your ego inflate from the compliments

But you ended up joining in on the Beehive Limo and dumping marble on the ground with Johnny

Jackass fans and your fans loved it

Since you are a big face in music of course you have award shows to go to

Bam was always your plus one but only if he promised to behave himself, which he always did

He would actually wear suits when he would attend award shows with you

The whole time on the red carpet he would have an arm around your waist

He would also totally do silly poses with you

But during the serious photos is when he would whisper into your ear and shower you with compliments

"This dress looks so good on you babe."

"You're the hottest girl here."

"Give me a kiss and let everyone know I have the prettiest girlfriend."

If your band ended up winning the award Bam seemed more excited then you

Jumping up and down, clapping loudly, yelling "That's my girlfriend!"

He probably annoyed lots of people attending if you won.

Since you are so famous in the music industry there of course is fans (crazy and regular) and paparazzi

Bam has no problem with either unless they cross an unsaid line of his

Such as touching you weirdly or just being rude

Bam does not care about telling off paparazzi if they are rude to you or him, he doesn't care what stupid headlines on some dumb magazine he might get for yelling at them

He 100% has gotten into a fight with one of your weirder fans for making a sexual comment about you

"The hell did you just say about her you nasty prick?"

"Bam don't jump over that barricade I swear to hell!"

But we can't forget Bam is also famous

You may have drunkly gone off on random girls at clubs for touching Bam which has caused Bam having to pull you away from them when you start taking your rings off

When Bam had an interview he would always find a way to bring you up if you weren't brought up

"And it looks like we are out of time folks! Everyone one more round of applause for the one and only Bam Margera!"

"Thank you guys! And make sure to buy my girlfriend Yn's new album coming out Friday it's great!"

Bam also listened to all your songs before they were released to give criticism

But it always failed because Bam would swear to you he loved every song you showed him

You also have wrote three songs about Bam since you've been together, each made his heart want to explode

I feel like he gives you random compliments?

Like he just loves complimenting you because he one likes seeing how flustered you get and two wants you to know how beautiful you really are

"Your hair is so pretty babe."

"God you are just so sexy even in pjs."

"I could stare at you all damn day."

pda? Bam loves it.

Kisses, hugs, hand holding, he loves it all

He just doesn't care who sees because he wants everyone to remember you're his and only his

So many paparazzi shots of Bam kisses you or having a arm wrapped around your waist

But outside of public Bam is 10x more touchy

He is just so in love with you and wants to make sure you know

But the sex you two have? A grace from the heavens

You two are just so in love that every time you guys end up having sex it's great

Bam loves when you ride him cause he just loves seeing your whole body on top of his

I feel like he never really cared for eating out a girl until he met you

He could do it for hours on end and probably has

You both are very mutual with praising

"God Yn just like that keep doing that such a good girl for me."

"Bam please keep going you feel so good."

"I'm so lucky to have you babe, love you so much."

"You're so handsome from this angle Bam, I wish you could see."

You two have had multiple quickies in your dressing room before shows and in random locations while Bam filmed Jackass

But overall the sex is 10/10

Oh and April and Phil love you

At first April was scared of meeting Bam's new metal head rockstar girlfriend but when you sat down at the table all her worries seemed to wash away

Phil probably didn't really care about what you were like, I mean it wasn't like it was going to affect him that much but he ended up loving you!

You never had to worry about getting on Ryan, Chris, and Dico's good sides though they were all already big fans of you and your music

Bam just thinks your perfect for him

He has thought about putting a ring on it many times

But yeah, Bam would love dating his rockstar girlfriend :)

[uncpanda]

Immune

Prompt 18: squishing the other’s cheek

Prompt 14: putting an arm around the other’s waist

Warnings: Mentions toddler tantrums, and trying for another child. Nothing explicit. Aaron is a pushover for his daughter, like we all know he would be. 

Aaron is a master at being intimidating. The team refers to it as the Hotch glare; the look that gets every unsub to just spill their guts. It’s an over exaggeration, you know that. But the myth has carried through the FBI like a wildfire, and any time you work with another agency or department they’re all on the lookout for the Hotch glare. 

The myth has even managed to crawl into your home life. One time Dave had offhandedly mentioned it to Jack, and from there it had grown. Now, all of your children seemed to know about the Hotchner glare. 

At numerous times Jack, Atticus, Ethan, and Theo had all tried to imitate their father. They had tried to use it on each other, their friends, and occasionally you. That had been amusing. Aaron’s glare had never worked on you, instead you had found it adorable, and promptly told him so which had led to him trying to not be adorable. 

And then, there was your daughter. At two years old Lorelei was the apple of Aaron’s eye, his baby girl. And with four older brothers you knew the dating years weren’t going to be easy. Then again, you didn’t expect the boys’ dating years to be any better. You knew Aaron would watch them like hawks, and the consent conversations had started early with them making sure they knew no meant no. 

Your daughter had taken the no lesson very well. It was her absolute favorite word. And most of the time, she didn’t really seem to know what it meant, but at this moment in time, you knew she did. 

You watched from the doorway, with your boys surrounding you as Aaron tried to coax Lorelei into her party dress. She was currently dressed in some swimsuit, princess outfit of her own creation, that wasn’t at all appropriate for the FBI awards ceremony Aaron was reluctantly taking you and the kids to. Reluctant because he didn’t want to go and he knew the kids would be bored, but Strauss had demanded your attendance for a picture opportunity that had led to an agreement of a week long paid vacation.

“Come on sweet girl, I just need you to get changed.” 

“No.” 

“For daddy? Please?” 

“No.” 

“But look at this pretty dress. Mommy and daddy picked it out special for you. Isn’t it pretty?” 

“No.” 

You could feel Jack press his face into your side, his shoulders shaking from suppressed laughter. 

He looked back at you, “Some help please? Your daughter is being stubborn.” 

“Our daughter is two Aaron. She thinks it’s a game.” 

“Please.” 

You’re barely holding back laughter at this point, “You’re the badass profiler and FBI agent, can’t you handle one little girl?” 

He smirks, “Not when she’s stubborn like her mother.” 

You laugh fully at that and shake your head, “No. That is not me. That is allll you. Aaron Benjamin Hotchner.” 

He scowls, and turns to your daughter, and you watch as that glare makes its way onto his face as his hands go to his hips. Your boys go still, “Lorelei Katherine Hotchner, it is time to stop playing and get dressed. Right. Now.” 

And then in the most surprising move your daughter’s face scrunches up, and she stomps her foot before yelling, “No!” 

Aaron’s head whips towards you and you shrug, “That’s her choice. I have the babysitter on standby. She can stay home, and we’ll go with the boys.” 

Somehow your daughter seems to understand that, and she pouts, “No go! Mommy and daddy stay.” 

You smile at her, “No sweet girl, mommy, daddy and brothers are going. You can come, but you need to wear your party dress.” 

“I go?” 

You nod, “If you put on your dress.” 

The tantrum now gone, she goes to Aaron and pulls on the leg of his suit, “Help daddy.” 

And like that everything is forgotten. It takes minutes to get her into her dress before she toddles over to her brothers. You wait in the doorway and your husband stops in front of you. 

He watches you for a second before sighing, “Get it out now.” 

“Supposedly, that look can make any unsub confess their sins, but it can’t get our two year old daughter to put on a dress she picked out at the store. If only I had a camera.” 

His eyes narrow, before he cups both your cheeks and leans in. Just like always, your breath stills for just a moment when you know he’s about to kiss you, because as cute as he is, he’s also extremely attractive and an excellent kisser. Then, he squishes your face, “She’s immune to it. Just like her mother. Adorable like her too.” 

You swat his hands away, and kind of throw yourself onto him, he catches you and twirls you into his arms, his arms wrapping around your waist so he can kiss you properly before whispering, “Should we see if another daughter would be immune too?”