#mormon shelf

[icannotgetoverbirds]

buckle up, this one's a doozy

Idk if it's actually a doozy, but this is the story of how I deconverted from a cult and got my egg cracked at approximately the same time, all thanks to... weed.

Let's set the scene, shall we?

It is December 22nd, 2021. The pandemic has been raging for nearly two years at this point. I am, at this point, still a believing mormon. That said, my attendance to church meetings has been incredibly spotty, with the most reliable method to get me to worship being choir practice.

I am laying in my bed in the evening, and of all possible things, I am thinking about weed. Namely, the church's policy about weed, and the absolute failure that is the war on drugs, and my personal belief system (and also about whether or not I should try weed for my anxiety disorder).

What's mormonism's policy on weed, you ask? Well, it's surprisingly liberal for a whole-ass cult, but still has enough nonsense for the events of this story to play out. To put it simply, you can absolutely use weed for medicinal purposes, but recreational purposes is a big no-no.

This, of course, presents a dilemma: where do you draw the line between recreational and medicinal use, especially in the case of, say, using it to medicate an anxiety disorder? I'm sure that the Church-Approved™ conclusion is "That's between you and The Lord, figure it out yourself, good luck!" I don't remember if I came to that conclusion or not, but I know for a fact that my "prove beyond a shadow of a doubt before you make an important decision based off of Feelings Supposedly From God Or The Holy Spirit" ass would not have been satisfied with that answer.

So I think about it in terms of politics, and logic, and science. After all, science is just our frail and minuscule way of comprehending all that Our Father Who Art In Heaven has created, right? So if Our Father Who Art In Heaven can't give me a straight answer, science surely can.

I come to a few conclusions. First of all, there are very few people, if any, who are qualified to draw that line. I am not included in that group of people. Secondly, nobody in their right goddamned mind would so much as try to draw that line unless they have some serious qualifications in the variety of fields that it applies to. Third of all, and this is where shit starts to unravel very fucking quickly: who in the goddamned fuck are a bunch of old white men who've probably never seen a gram of weed in their entire lives to think themselves qualified to draw that line?

The shelf cracks. The prophets are fallible, even in this day and age. Not only are they fallible, but whoever made this decision is a FUCKING DUMBASS. God must be looking down at them and shaking his head disapprovingly, huh?

So I think to myself, yknow what, this is a stupid fucking rule. And my autistic-disregard-for-stupid-fucking-rules-having-ass was not about to tolerate it. So what do I do? Metaphorically speaking, I chuck it out the window. Who cares? I'm gonna do weed for my anxiety, and if anybody tells me that I'm disobeying god, I can tell them that god doesn't fucking give a shit about weed if he's as kind and loving as the prophets say he is.

A moment passes.

Now wait just a goddamned second! If I'm chucking this rule out the window, isn't there something else I should re-examine? If I'm disregarding what the prophets have said for my own pleasure and recreation, isn't there something regarding the lives, livelihoods, and joie de vivre of countless other people, myself included, that I should be looking at?

Suddenly, the years of (pent-up and suppressed) sheer fucking indignation of the way queer people have been othered by the church hits me all at once, full fucking force. I am angry, angrier than I have ever been. Abso-fucking-lutely not. No. If the prophets are wrong about weed, then they're DEFINITELY wrong about queer people.

And in this moment, I make a decision. "Until the mormon leaders get their shit together, I'm out! I'm fucking done! I'm gonna go live it up and get blazed out of my gourd for shits and giggles, and maybe I'll try a tiny sip of beer, and by god I am going to transition-"

"HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"

[Plain text ID: Text in a large, bold, italicized red font that reads "HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"]

Shelf shattered, omelette made of my egg, life ruined for the better.

The next morning, I come out to my mom and sister. I still believe in god and mormonism and yadda yadda, I just think the leadership needs to get their heads out of their asses.

Not long after, I decide to finally check out exmormon spaces. Yknow, get the full experience.

I am bombarded with "HOLY FUCK IT'S A CULT. IT RUINED MY LIFE. IT RUINED YOUR LIFE. IT TORE MY FAMILY APART. IT'S NOT EVEN REAL. READ THE CES LETTER, CHECK MORMONISM AGAINST THE BITE MODEL. THINK FOR YOUR GODDAMNED SELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE."

I check the sources provided. Well, I'll be damned. They weren't kidding, that mormonism sure can cult started by a con man. At this point, I am now beyond the point of no return. There's no going back. I have seen the light. I want out forever, I want my records removed, mom pick me up I'm scared.

My family never looks at me the same way again :>

[alliluyevas]

researching mormon fundamentalism has led me to corners of the internet i wouldn't even go with a gun i'll tell you that

[shelfthe-reader]

opinion on the book of mormon?

Opinion #1: I CANNOT listen to Joseph Smith American Moses. That one is just TOO FOUL. Like the other songs are raunchy, but they’re funny (sometimes) at least but JSAM isn’t even funny (in my opinion). I am not a South Park girlie so there’s that

Opinion #2: I can’t really have an opinion on the post-Covid rewrites because I haven’t seen an ounce of anything online (on purpose)

Opinion #3: Basically what I’m saying is that I avoid dialogue scenes/some songs from the show. My philosophy: if I don’t feel comfortable listening with my mom I don’t play it (most of the time).

I was also raised as a non-Catholic in a Catholic School so my opinions are a bit skewed I also haven’t really given this musical a whole lot of thought since middle school…

Thanks for the ask!!

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

Ex Mormon YouTuber unironically mocking Christian theology and then saying he believes in magic in the same breath. Like???? How is his belief in fucking magic any different and more enlightened than a lot of the mysticism in Christianity?

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

[not-heavenly]

There is no way that gods one true church is this fucking boring

[dontstandmedown]

Also what’s frustrating is a lot of the stuff that people rag on Mormons about is stuff that Mormons don’t do, or is misinterpreted (biggest example is the polygamy — that is not church doctrine anymore. It certainly was in the past, and there are some extreme Mormons who still practice it, but the institution that is the Mormon church does not condone polygamy.) So this makes it REALLY easy for practicing Mormons to shut down any criticism of the church, because hey that’s not how we do things! But then you ask them questions about actual church doctrine and church history, such as, I don’t know, what was up with Joseph Smith marrying a 15 year old? (I found that factoid out when I was fifteen. I was already atheist by then but I still wonder how any adult could know this and worship Joseph Smith as a prophet). Isn’t it weird how he forced guys to go on missions so he could marry their wives? And how come Emma Smith, his first wife (first and only as Mormons are led to believe), left the church? Why couldn’t Black men receive the priesthood (which is granted to all Mormon men deemed worthy either at the age of twelve or upon conversion) until 1977? And, like this post mentions, what the fuck is up with Mormons, the Book of Mormon, and Indigenous peoples? Why do we treat this book as historical fact when it is so easy to prove how wrong it is? Why are we treating Natives so cruelly and pretending it’s an act of God?

I grew up Mormon, and I didn’t find out that Mormons believed indigenous Americans were descendants of Israelites until after I had mentally left the church. Some Mormons explain this away by saying the Book of Mormon isn’t meant to be interpreted literally, but I grew up in a liberal part of a liberal part of the United States, and everyone treated the BoM like a historical document. I didn’t learn about the Church’s history with racism and sexism until I had mentally left the church, too. There is so much that they just don’t fucking tell you because they know you’ll lose faith otherwise. That’s why I care about being empathetic to the Mormons in my life (especially the younger ones), because I know that they are being lied to and manipulated by the church. There are plenty of Mormons doing the lying, but I don’t have as many run ins with them. I know a lot of people, especially queer POC, who have been deeply hurt by the church but struggle letting go of the comfort that it brings. I know a lot of Mormons who care about anti-racism, LGBTQ rights, and helping those in need. I honestly do not fucking know how they reconcile those things with being in the church, but at the same time… I kinda do. Leaving the Mormon church feels impossible until you’ve done it. And then you wonder how you stayed so long in the first place without getting exhausted from the mental gymnastics.*

*i want to add that i do not blame anyone who hates mormons bc we’ve done some pretty unforgivable shit. It’s just that i can’t help but feel for people who are still in the church because I have firsthand experience with the manipulation used to keep you there. For example, according to Mormon doctrine, I will not be in the same afterlife as any of my Mormon family members because I’m an apostate. I’m prettyy sure that being an apostate is like the worst possible thing a Mormon can be when it comes to the Mormon afterlife, but I can’t quite remember. Mormon heaven is really confusing and believe it or not, I didn’t pay a lot of attention in Sunday School.

It's amazing to me just how good the Mormon church has been at hiding just how bad they really are from public view. Even the shit that gets spread around is the relatively harmless bullshit. They had a crazy prophet with magic glasses. They believe in god-mandated polygyny. They think everyone who is good enough will get their very own planet after the world ends. They wear magic underpants. Mormon men are all paladins.

Here's one of the ones you hear less often:

See, like many other Christian sects, the Mormons really do believe that the existence of Christ obviates the existence of Judaism. Judaism was just a placeholder until the "real" church could be established by Jesus.

And the Mormons in particular believe, dead ass, that the entire inheritance of Israel has been given to them, because the Jews failed to recognize the Messiah when he was on Earth. They really do. They have this whole system where people are given a "divine revelation" about which of the Tribes of Israel they're a member of (don't worry, they decided that most people belong to the two tribes that are willing to "adopt" people. Only the most specialest boys and girls are members of the original ten).

Let's sum up so far. The Mormons believe that they are the people of Israel, chosen and protected by God. If Jews want to get back in on that party, they can always repent and convert to Mormonism, the one true church to which God gave all the rights and blessings that were originally bestowed on Abraham's house.

But it doesn't stop there!

The Mormons also believe, in all seriousness, that all Indigenous peoples of the Americas are descended from a small group of Jewish people who left just before the fall of Jerusalem (~600 bc iirc). Their entire weird-ass extra bible is a chronicle of those people's history in [unspecific part of America]. At the very beginning of the book, two brothers in the original family turn away from god, so they and all their descendants are cursed with dark skin, so that the good Nephites (who remain "white and delightsome") will always be able to tell themselves apart from the wicked Lamanites.

So, you've got supposedly Jewish people running around the Americas. And the "good" ones are white, and the "bad" ones are brown. Then, ofc, Jesus comes to visit them (I guess supposedly that's part of what he was doing during his dirt nap? Or possibly after he left again, it's not clear), and they all convert to Christianity, which they think is clearly the natural evolution of Judaism. Well, at the end of the book, all of them become wicked, in a kind of weird pseudo-apocalyptic series of events. They are all cursed with dark skin, until such time as they repent for their ancestors sins and return to the gospel.

But of course, Mormons being the good and kind people they are, they want everyone to receive the blessings of God and be brought into the houses of Israel etc etc. And it isn't the fault of those poor little Indigenous children that their distant ancestors turned away from God and became wicked.

So what's the natural answer? Well, Mormons are real big on missionary work, as we all know. But apparently that wasn't enough in this case.

Because the Mormon church has been one of the big players in abducting as many Indigenous children as possible, in order to indoctrinate them into being good Mormons, so that they can turn white again and be blessed. My mother remembers hearing talks about this in the 70s and 80s. The church literally had a "Lamanite Adoption Program," where families in the church were encouraged to get as many Indigenous children as possible away from their families and not let them be reunited until they were fully assimilated and ready to go back and proselytize about how wonderful the church is.

The church leadership literally talked about how wonderful it was to see these children becoming whiter. Actually whiter. Like, saying that when they finally saw them with their families again, it was beautiful how much paler they were.

I'm pretty sure this program has been officially ended, but it doesn't take a genius to speculate about who might be behind the curtains on the movement in the western US to gut the ICWA....

So yeah. Next time someone tries to tell you that the Mormons are just harmless weirdos, please remember that they're an antisemitic cult that advocates for the forced assimilation of Indigenous children to help them escape the cursed brown skin of their ancestors.

[tookoutallherteeth]

Despite the title, this video is actually about the Christians who think Taylor Swift is a witch and it's very interesting!

These youtubers are ex-mormon and they're very funny and insightful and I recommend them to anyone who likes ex-christian content.

[trappezoider]

I've already done fanart for this fic once before but again I was so gripped by a scene in the latest chapter that I just HAD to make another piece for it. Please go read this amazing work by @undergaunts!! It's a Sebinis Mormon AU and just man, I have no words. It's so fricking good.

[squeakintothevoid]

Exmormon thoughts on the Book of Mormon Musical:

The whole thing was spectacularly irreverent

*does some googling* oh its written by the creators of south park, that makes sense

The bright and cheery forced smiles of the missionaries are accurate

The set is amazing, with it looking like an lds temple and everything. The backdrop with the clouds and the planets even looks like the giant murals they have in the temple visitors centers

I love the salt lake city backdrop with the mormon temple right in the middle surrounded by the more obvious corporations like McDonald's and stuff. Did you know the LDS church owns a mall in the same city? It even has a little river going through it

The spooky mormon hell dream sequence was the best thing i've ever witnessed. Especially as somebody who really did get guilt-fueled nightmares, albeit not as theatrical and hellish lol

Seeing the cups of coffee dancing in hell alongside Jeffrey Dahmer and Adolf Hitler was the best, my favorite moment

The song about turning off your uncomfortable/unapproved thoughts was also amazing. The actual phrase commonly used is putting the thought "on your shelf" to set it aside to think about later. There's literally a song they teach to toddlers about never frowning because nobody likes it and making yourself smile instead.

Hearing people crack up about things you used to believe sucks but finally you are surrounded by people who agree that this is ridiculous rather than people who think you are the crazy one for doubting

Mormons don't actually think Jesus was blond but they do think he visited America and most of the art makes him look northern European

Mormons don't really believe in a traditional hell or that Jesus hates you for sinning, but the level of guilt is still the same. Like that might as well be the case because your eternal afterlife is still at stake.

The "I Am Africa" song is so on point. Missionaries go to a foreign country and really do start wearing their traditional clothes and keep speaking the language even after coming home as if they really are part of the culture now

I was not expecting to see punk rock Darth Vader or Yoda or lieutenant Uhura or Sam and Frodo.

When Elder Price said "fuck," that was a blessed moment

I'm so glad I never actually went on a mission and could only relate so much. But that dedication to following all the rules in the missionary handbook is REAL and not even as intense as they portrayed it at times. The religious scrupulosity OCD is like no other. Like it's not unheard of for a missionary to keep working on their mission even if their mom or someone died while they were away.

There are still so many weird things about growing up mormon that they didn't even touch on. Like heaven being an MLM, multiple levels and everything.

Thanks for the read, feel free to ask any questions if you're curious because I like complaining about mormonism lol

[undergaunts]

A Shattered Shelf (And How To Fix It)

(aka The Mormon Fic)

Sebastian Sallow x Ominis Gaunt

Read here on AO3

Summary: Sebastian Sallow is a good boy, he'll have you know. He goes to Church every Sunday and prays to God every night. And the thoughts he keeps having about his best friend? He'll just continue to bottle them up and put them on the shelf. Until he can't fit anything else on it. Until the day it inevitably breaks.

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 71.3k, chapter 15/?

[alliluyevas]

reorganizing my bookshelf to make room for some stuff im getting from my parents’ house and my new mormonism books that are coming today. getting rid of a lot of stuff too

[pollherepollthere]

hyper-specific poll :3

- has a bone collection + bonus points w/ (consensually acquired) human teeth/bones

- owns an elf on the shelf that you do not use as a christmas decoration

- regularly wrote RPF for english assignments in middle school

- has given another person a tattoo

- has 5 pride flags

- has an ex-step sibling

- family used to be mormon

- had to retake a class 3 times

- avid danganronpa roleplayer despite never playing DR

- first social media was reddit

- none of these

- multiple/all of these

the bone collection sounds sick af ngl

proud to say I own an elf on a shelf that just hangs around my house all year🫡

EDIT: forgot my first social media was reddit,I was like 12 lmao out here in the trenches 🫡

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

mei chang was so based for showing up in amestris and looking at this big scary serial killer and going "yes this is the most trustworthy person in the whole of amestris" and never looking back. And she was CORRECT. Tangent but do you think if 03 scar showed up in mangahood verse he will go red with rage and remove all of bh scar's brainwashing with one single line ahem my sympathy will not be spent on soldiers ahem. And they will hold hands and their shared energy will instantaneously blow up amestris? and now mei has TWO father's💕 and she's unstoppable. Also 03 scar looks at bh al like MY al was better than this. Daughter you deserve better. Dad disapproval.

Here I am, innocently reading this ask, nodding along to everything, getting ready to cosign each glowing word, and then you just had to hit me with that tangent. I-! Omfg, I just-!!

Anon-!

Anon please

Listen to me anon

You cannot send me an ask with

And they will hold hands

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

and their shared energy will instantaneously blow up Amestris

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

and now mei has TWO fathers

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

And not send me into a brainworm-infested spiral!

What are you doing to me, anon?! Why are you not only completely correct and based and a genius, but also feeding the swamp of pure absurdist crackship self-indulgence that is Scar x Scar, which (I thought) only I ship???

And you're goddamned right 03 Scar would look mangahood Al up and down and sneer at that off-brand Mormon-lookin' ass excuse for an Alphonse Elric! He won't stop Mei from pursuing him (her agency is paramount) but he sure as hell won't approve. He knows who the real top shelf Al is and it ain't this poser. She can do better!

[areyoudreaminof]

If you don’t mind, can you share more about growing up in the Mormon church? If this is too personal feel free to ignore!

Not too personal at all, just still trying to work out my feelings. Deconstructing is an ongoing process. More under the cut!

Long story short, it was extremely difficult. Not just the rules of the religion itself, the word of wisdom, modesty, chastity, etc, but culturally it was tough. I grew up in a suburb where everyone was Mormon. My school peers also went to church with me and I saw them seven days a week.

In an orthodox culture like that, you get torn between conforming and standing out. My family was a mixed marriage. My mother had divorced my biological father after having three children and married my (step) dad who raised us. They were married in the temple later, but as children of her first marriage, my sisters and I could not participate in the sealing, which hurt at the time.

Our family was always seen as trashy and sinful for some reason we’ve never been able to figure out. My mother was a missionary when women really didn’t go on missions in the early 80’s. We never missed church, mutual (weekly youth activities) camps, or anything. We devoted our lives to the church and ward and we still weren’t enough.

From a personal perspective, I felt like a complete outsider because of my weight, and general quirks that I know now to be autism spectrum disorder. One of my most intense experiences was being told by a Young Women’s leader that marriage was the most important thing and I should work on my weight and appearance if I wanted to get there. I was 13.

My mother and I fought constantly. She was too busy with her callings in church to notice I was being bullied at school and in church. I was distant from my siblings and I didn’t have much of a safe space.

From the faith perspective, can you lose faith if you never really had it? I’d sit and listen for the spirit to speak to me and it never did. I took the sacrament, I went to seminary, I did my baptisms for the dead, but I never felt close to God, let alone any sort of heavenly presence. But I was terrified to admit it to myself.

I stopped going to church when I was 18. My mother and younger siblings still went. Two of my sisters got pregnant out of wedlock, and we were shamed again. Never mind I got a wonderful niece and nephew. No, that was a grave sin. So I told myself that I would be like Martin Harris, I would leave the organization but still hold my “faith” so I would not lose family or friends.

In 2013, I read the CES Letter and the shelf broke completely. I won’t go into detail, but it was a lot. I resigned and left. Each of my siblings followed, then my dad, and finally my mother.

We’re no longer Mormon and we’re much happier for it. We’re closer as a family. My mom is my best friend, something I NEVER thought would happen. One of my best friends is still an active member of the church, and it’s members like her that are making the church a better place.

I still struggle with guilt, shame, my feelings of inferiority and body dysmorphia growing up in the church. It did teach me a lot though. I still like to serve my neighbors and friends, it taught me to be reliable and taught me a lot of patience. I also know some amazing hymns and scripture. I think now my perspective is mixed.