#more upset bc it was just me in the house and I can’t pick her up from the ground by myself like I can help her up from a sitting hit but no

[asexualjedi]

Wait shit tomorrow is thanks giving can’t a bitch get a god damn break huh.

[temporarywelcome]

Babysitting - Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: JJ forgot about Girls' Night and needs a babysitter, Spencer offering up himself and his girlfriend for the task.

Warnings: swearing, girls's generation (oh no!). not even a warning but autistic!reid bc every reid is autistic!reid.

A/N: this can be 100% read stand alone but is technically part of my "Smooth Criminal" series.

____________

JJ was in a predicament. 

She was seated on the jet, on her way to an important case with the rest of the BAU, when Garcia reminded her of a salsa class the two of them and Prentiss signed up for, their activity for lady’s night.

“Dammit,” she sighed, head resting on her hand tiredly, “I forgot to get a sitter for Henry,”

“JJ, girl, I love you, but you better get that sitter, those classes are expensive,” Garcia said in disapproval. 

“Who? It’s tomorrow!” she exclaimed, feeling a lot of pressure on her, “How am I supposed to get a sitter in that amount of time?”

Spencer, who was speedily reading a book, looked up, “I can watch Henry,” 

“Uh, no,” JJ shook her head, “No offense, Spence, but have you ever taken care of a child before?”

He shrugged, “No, but I can read a few parenting books before we land? He is my godson, after all.”

“That sounds good enough to me,” Prentiss said eagerly.

“That’s because you’re not Henry’s mother,” JJ deadpanned.

“Would you have picked him as Henry’s godfather if you didn’t even trust him with the job?” asked Garcia. 

“Well, no,”

“Then let me do it!” Spencer said excitedly. What harm could it be?

“He could even ask Y/N to help him,” Morgan suggested from where he sat, eavesdropping on the conversation, “Double team,”

“Absolutely not,” JJ looked appalled at the idea, “Why the hell would I let a diagnosed kleptomaniac into my home?”

Now, Y/N had won over a few members of the BAU despite her past. From the beginning, Garcia was fine with Y/N (she was the one who blew up her backstory anyway), and soon Morgan and Prentiss came to accept her as Spencer’s girlfriend. Even Hotch didn’t mind her, due to her helping on a few cases, using her criminal record to their advantage.

JJ, on the other hand, was still quite iffy on her. Rossi was a whole other level, which seemed quite hypocritical, considering his own background.

So no, JJ did not want Y/N in her house.

“I can always pat her down before we go,” Spencer stated, like it were normal, “Make sure she doesn’t have anything in her pockets or bags,”

“How comforting,” JJ grumbled.

“JJ,” Garcia huffed, “Salsa class,”

A sigh left her, feeling a headache forming, “If she steals anything…”

“She won’t. Promise,” Spencer said, grinning.

________

“What the fuck, babe?” Y/N grumbled, placing down her Chinese takeout, “Babysitting?”

Spencer fiddled with the plastic fork that came with his food, cheeks going red, “It’ll be fun,” He already knew she was upset by how she called him babe and not baby. There’s a difference.

“I don’t even like kids,”

“Henry’s different! He’s a good kid!” he huffed, poking at his noodles. 

“He’s a kid, I don’t like them,” 

He pouted, placing down his food, “I like kids…” 

She groaned. This is going to be a difficult conversation in the future. “Can’t you ask someone else to help you?”

“I don’t want anyone else to help me,” he shot back. “Please?”

Y/N didn’t even know why she was trying to argue with him. She was already wrapped around his finger, he could ask anything of her and she would surely see it through. Just one look with those puppy dog eyes and she would fold. 

And there it was. He glanced at her bottom lip jutted out, brows furrowed adorably.

“Oh, fuck you,” she grumbled, planting a hand over her eyes, “No. I won’t do it.”

Spencer smiled, placing his food on the coffee table before scooting closer to her. He rested his chin on her shoulder, “Y/N,”

“Hell no,” 

“Y/N,” he kissed her neck lightly, nipping at the skin.

“I’m leaving the state,”

He rolled his eyes, planting a few more kisses along her neck, “Dramatic. No wonder you did theatre,” 

“I’ll leave right now,” she threatened.

Spencer’s smile grew, cute dimples showing, but Y/N couldn’t see with her eyes still covered. Spencer took her hand in his own and lowered it, other hand tapping the side of her chin expectantly. With a sigh, she turned to face him. All he did was give her that little smile.

She bit her lip, trying to contain herself, but the ghost of a smile graced her lips as she pecked his nose and sighed again dramatically, “Fine,”

_________

“Hey, Harry, I’m Y/N!”

JJ frowned, grabbing her purse, “Henry,” 

Y/N’s cheeks flushed and she awkwardly cleared her throat, scratching the back of her neck, “Ah. Henry.” she corrected, giving him a fake smile, “How ya doin’?”

Henry gave her a look for about half a second, before ignoring her and running to Spencer, “Uncle Spencer!” he giggled, stumbling over on his toddler legs. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Spencer kneeled down to Henry’s height to give him a hug, “What’s the plan for today, hm?”

“DORA!!!” 

Y/N jumped, a scowl immediately forming on her face. She noticed JJ giving her a look and she dropped the cranky face. 

“He’s quite… loud.” JJ said, looking at the imaginary watch on her wrist, “Well, gotta get going. Have fun. Don’t steal my valuables. Bye bye,” she ran off out the door. 

Once she was gone, Henry turned to Y/N and Spencer again. “DORAAAAA!”

“What the fuck,” Y/N grumbled, causing Spencer to elbow her in the ribs.

“No swearing in front of children,” he scolded. 

“FUCKKKK!” Henry shouted, scampering off to the living room. 

Y/N’s jaw dropped and she refused to meet Spencer’s glare. “Oops,” 

“We just got here,” Spencer sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Henry yelled some more and Y/N groaned, “Baby, how the hell are we going to do this? I give you like three hours before you get overstimulated and then I have two monsters to deal with,” Spencer wasn’t a monster at all when he was overstimulated, he typically just gets a bit freaked out and needs to be alone in silence for a few hours. No, he wasn’t a monster, Y/N was just dramatic. 

“You’re not helpful at all,” he took a seat on the couch, wincing at Henry yelled some more, tackling him. 

“Holy fuck,” Y/N muttered to herself, but Henry perked up. The little gremlin smiled, cupping Spencer’s cheeks and yelling out a beautiful “FUCK!”.

Within twenty minutes, Spencer looked ready to explode. Henry had been all over him, yelling and being an absolute terror. Y/N was quite glad the kid left her alone, keeping her own distance. However, she noticed Spencer’s trembling hands and shot up.

“Alright, come here, Gremlin,” she scooped up Henry, who shrieked, giggling innocently. “Your Uncle Spencer needs a break.” she placed him down outside of the living area, “How about you show me your room?” she suggested. 

Henry processed what she said for a moment before smiling brightly and nodding, “Room!” he grasped her hand, leading her off to his room. Y/N looked over her shoulder, giggling to herself watching Spencer fall into a laying position on the couch like a domino. Poor baby.

Walking with Henry down the hallway, Y/N noticed different pictures on the walls. Her impulses told her to grab them and stuff as many as she could in her bag, but she had left the bag in the living room. 

She joked about it a lot, but being a klepto really sucked. 

Once in Henry’s room, she gulped, seeing all the small things she could scoop up and shove in her pockets. “Wow! Look at this!” Y/N said, trying to be as enthusiastically as possible. The room was dinosaur themed, and Henry made sure she knew it.

“Dinosaur!” he shouted.

“Alright, buddy, look,” Y/N sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. He sat next to her. “Uncle Spencer isn’t very good with loud noises,” she explained, “Especially after a long period of time. Being touched too much makes him uncomfortable too. It’s important to respect other people’s boundaries, okay?”

Henry blinked, confused. “What…”

Y/N sighed, “Leave Uncle Spencer alone,”

Maybe she should have worded it nicer.

Henry immediately burst into tears, “WHY!?”

“Shit,” Y/N’s eyes widened, “Hey, shh, it’s okay-”

“SHIT,” Henry repeated.

“No, no, no, don’t say that!” she said in panic, “Please stop crying! It’s okay! Look!” she grabbed a dinosaur toy from the floor, “Look! Raaah! Raah!”

“SHIT,” Henry shouted again. 

Well shit. 

“Oh no! The dinosaur’s gonna get me! Oh nooooo!” she made a whole show of getting eaten by the dinosaur toy. Henry was not amused. “Please stop crying before Spencer comes in here and banishes us to the Phantom Zone or something,” 

Henry continued to cry, and in a panic, Y/N shot up, beginning to do what she did best. 

Well, stealing is what she did best. 

So she did the second thing she did best. She danced. 

Henry continued to cry as she did her rendition of “Into the New World” by Girls’ Generation. After the first few moves, he stopped crying, looking at her with complete confusion in his innocent eyes. 

She let out a breath of release. He finally shut up.

After calming down Henry, she made her way back to the living room with him. “We’re turning this off,” she said, disinterested in Dora. She went to a music channel before dropping the remote, “Ah, much better.” 

Henry went straight to doing funky little dances while Y/N sat with Spencer. She already knew something was off. 

“Alright, what’s going?” she sighed, holding out her arms. 

He didn’t move. 

“Spencer,”

He huffed in response. Ah, Cranky Spencer™. 

Y/N sighed, “Scootch” she laid next to him, arms going around his waist, his back to her chest as he refused to look at her. “Too much goin’ on?” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be a father,” 

Oh. Fuck. 

“Look, I know I’ve shown my disdain towards, uh, young humans, but you never know in the future. I might change my view on them. You might-” she babbled.

“I don’t think I’ll be good at it.”

Oh! Fuck. 

Y/N paused, processing his words, “Why? Henry loves ya,”

Spencer sighed softly, hand slowly setting atop hers, “I can’t even handle one for an hour,” 

“Ah,” she muttered, kissing the back of his neck lightly, “I mean, that’s what I’d be for, right? We would be a team. You need a break from the little Gremlin, I calm ‘em down,” 

“You’re not always going to be there though. We’ll both have to be alone with the child periodically.” he said quietly. He didn’t know where to look, so his eyes went to the TV, watching Britney Spears. Why did it feel like Britney was judging him? 

“I work at night anyway,” she shrugged, “When I’d be gone, it would be asleep anyway. If you’re out on a case, a sitter would do just fine with a sleeping kid,” 

“You don’t even like kids… I can’t imagine putting the responsibility on you.” 

“Hm,” she mused, petting his hair, “You’re right. I really don’t like kids. But things change. Who knows?” she sighed, “I guess this is a conversation we’re going to have soon, huh?”

“We probably should have had that conversation before we made it official,”

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed. “Probably… Too late now,” she didn't want to think about that awful-sounding conversation so she sat up, “Now up and at ‘em before you fall asleep and your contacts get all dried out,” 

__________

When JJ finally stumbled in home, it was a good two a.m. 

She had expected to come in to Y/N and Spencer sharing a glass of wine quietly on the couch, Henry tucked away asleep in his room. 

Instead, she was greeted with emptiness.

“Huh?” she slurred out drunkenly, shutting the door behind her, “Spencer! Y/N! Henry…?”

The door to her and Will’s room swung open, Henry strutting out in a ridiculous outfit, Y/N in tow. 

“Mama!” he exclaimed, running towards her, “Guess what?!” he pointed at Y/N, “She’s Jessica.”

“Let me guess,” JJ deadpanned, “Jessica from Girls’ Generation?” Pretty much everyone knew Y/N’s adoration towards Jessica Jung at this point, much to Spencer's embarrassment. 

“Hell yeah,” Y/N confirmed, “Spencer! C’mere,”

The door opened again, and Spencer shuffled out of the room in an equally ridiculous outfit. “Hi,” he said dryly, eyes on the ground. 

“Say it, baby,” Y/N told him. 

He grumbled, looking back at JJ in annoyance, already cranky enough, “Gee gee gee gee baby baby,” 

“Mama, I’m a dancer now,” Henry said proudly. 

“A natural,” Y/N confirmed, “A dramatic one too. You might have a theatre kid in your hands. Best of luck,” 

JJ sighed, watching Henry trip over the makeshift robe (she thought it was a robe) and hit the ground. “Thank you for telling me, Y/N,”

__________

I don't even listen to GG but I WILL insert them into every fic now.

Also inbox is open :)

[ushys]

⸻ miles morales as your boyfriend (earth 1610)

a/n: omfg the chokehold this gif has on me- anyway you guys do not understand how much love i have for this sweet boy 🥹 deserves the world idc idc.

- fluff, no nsfw bc he is a minor, afab reader (lmk if you guys want gn, male)

MILES LOVES drawing you. you’re perfect in his eyes and he could draw only you for all of eternity and he wouldn’t complain at all. everything about you was beautiful to him and he made sure he captured every beautiful detail you have on to his drawings.

MILES is the type to send you cute (your favorite animal) videos on tiktok because he knows how much you love em and all he wants to do is to make you happy.

WILL introduce you to his family and is happy when he finds out how easily you and his parents got along. you got along with his mom so well that sometimes you’d visit their house and mostly talk ‘chisme’ with her the entire time (he gets jealous-)

AFTER an argument, he stops by your window and drops you off flowers with a little cute note apologizing. he doesn’t know if you would want to see him at that moment so he gives you time to cool off and give you some space. he replies immediately if you were to call or text him ready to talk again due to how much he hates wasting time not talking to you.

HE likes showing you off to anyone. his friends? yes. his family? yes. strangers on the street? yes. he can’t help it if he’s madly in love.

WHEN he revealed to you that he was spider-man, he was scared that you were going to be mad at him for keeping this a secret from him for a very long time. he thought that you were going to think that he didn’t “trust” you but when you were actually ecstatic finding out instead of upset, his worries all vanished as he smiled and hugged you.

WILL have a whole playlist dedicated to you. he likes to listen to that playlist when you aren’t with him, yk so he could daydream.

IS completely oblivious when you’re jealous. if you catch him talking to another girl who is clearly into him, you’d be upset in which miles would ask you about but you would just mumble “it’s nothing”. hearing this, miles thinks back to the entire morning wondering if he did something to make you upset. when you finally tell him, he quickly reassures you and says “i don’t feel anything towards any other girl who isn’t you. i love you and only you ma.”

IF it’s late at night and you can’t fall asleep, miles would come over with his spider-man suit on and picks you up, and swings to different buildings. then, you guys would land on a rooftop with a clear and beautiful view of the city at night and by the edge you guys would sit down, while miles pulls you in close to him, head on his shoulder, admiring the sight of the skyline. “it’s so pretty” you say. “not as pretty as you cariño”

MILES used to think that pet names were lowk cringey, but when he started dating you, everything changed. now, he calls you “mi amor” “baby” “my love” “cariño” “preciosa” “babe”

HE can not flirt if he wanted to flirt on purpose. he gets awkward and shy like 🫣🫣 this one time before you guys started dating, he wanted to make a move on you by saying “hey y/n, a-are you fr-from tennessee? cause you’re the 1 f-for me- wait no that’s not right, wait what was it again? i u-uh never mind.” and he scurried off before you could even say anything. “the fuck-“

WHEN you guys go on the train, he would pull out his airpods and give you one of them while you guys listen to one of his playlists (ahem the playlist he made for you but shh you don’t know that.)

IF you don’t do graffiti art, miles will take you to one of his secret locations and teach you how to draw certain things and praises you for trying your best. once you get better at it, you guys start going to his secret location more often and you guys just spend hours spray painting.

LOVES LOVES LOVES cuddling with you. literally one of his favorite things to do with you. he loves just having you in his arms knowing you are safe and sound with him. your soft and warm skin making him wanting to fall asleep because of how comforting it feels to just have you there with him. what he loves the most is having your arms around him holding him close while his head lays on your chest, listening in to your heartbeat knowing you really are there with him and that you are his and he is yours.

TAKES random and silly pictures of you just to send them later to you after you guys hung out and texts you saying “this one is my favorite.”

HAS a picture of you on his lock screen and his home screen.

that’s all for today, im tired and imma go and day dream about this boy :p

[kapeeshkapoosh]

wallet problems

a/n: a little oneshot kind of thing, bc i keep sentimental pictures and stuff in my wallet and it’s my favourite thing

synopsis: gojo loses his wallet, but his mind is more occupied on you rather than his money.

contents: fluff, petnames(barf), 1k words, gojo being corny, y/n and gojo are married, not checked

Gojo Satoru x F!Reader

“I don’t have my wallet on me..”

Gojo muttered dejectedly, feeling his jacket pockets only to be met with a flatness in the fabric. The trio of students looked at the white haired man blankly in response.

“So you invited us out to eat and didn’t bring your wallet?!” Nobara was first to break the silence, her teacher could only smile nervously, not really bothered by the threatening glint in her eye.

He gulped subconsciously, tuning out Nobara’s consistent cursing from his head.

How could he lose his wallet?

He brought it with him to work everyday, looked at it when he ate lunch alone, reminisced with it whenever he was on break.

With a sigh Megumi put some cash on the table, “I’ll pay this time.” He said blandly, stopping Nobara in her long threads of enraged sentences. With the sudden stop of noise, Gojo pushed back his worries for a second and flashed a smile.

“I’ll repay you Megs’!” Gojo stuck his tongue out playfully at the raven haired boy only to be returned with a slight furrow of his brows. “Anyway- have any of you guys seen my wallet around?”

“No? Have you left it at home Sensei?” Yuji asked, genuinely concerned for Gojo. Gojo thought for a second, “I can’t remember.”

“Ring Y/n, she could check for you.”

“Right, good thinking Megumi.” Gojo quickly jabbed your phone number into his phone, hearing it ring 4 times before you picked up.

“hello?”

“hi sweets! Do you know if my wallet’s at home?”

There was some rustling on the other side of the phone, he could hear you walking around the house.

“no, I don’t see it anywhere. Satoru did you really lose your wallet? You might’ve left it somewhere at school.”

“I’m not sure, but I’m sure I wouldn’t have left it at anywhere else but our home!”

You huffed on the other line, he could tell you were rolling your eyes at him.

“I’ll call you back if I find it ‘Toru.”

“thank you sugarplum!”

He could hear you slightly laugh at the pet name before ending the call.

“So?” Nobara asked inquisitively - who else was supposed to pay for her shopping?

“funny thing, but I think I’ve lost it!” He exclaimed in a chirpy tune, his conscience eating his brain fully. Megumi scoffed and Yuji could only laugh at Nobara as she fell dull.

“How about we just go back to school then?” Gojo suggested carefreely, however he creased his eyebrows anxiously as he thought on where he could’ve left it.

♡

As you ended the call, you groaned in response. It wasn’t normal for Gojo to leave something behind, but usually if he did it would be for a stupid reason. Most of the time he would pull the act so you would show up at school, but this time you could tell from his voice that he was actually worried.

You started searching for a bit, looking in all possible places until you gave up and carried on with your day.

Whilst you were fixing a snack later that day, you popped open the fridge for some juice only to see the problem behind your stress today. With a sigh, you picked up the strangely dark leather wallet and the box of kikufuku next to it.

Now you had to go drop it off, as you stumbled into your car, you rung his phone. It didn’t even ring once before instantly being picked up, excitement gliding through his voice.

“Did you find it?!”

“yes Satoru I did.” You laughed as you heard him sigh in relief, “I’m coming over to drop it off now.”

“Thank you my sweetie weetie pumpkin spice-“

“Satoru!” He went quiet, “save it for later.” You giggled, making at turn to the school.

“Whatever you want Y/n.” He said playfully.

“don’t be upset you crybaby, I’ll be there soon.”

“okay you bully, love you?”

“love you too Satoru.” You laughed as you heard him giggling like a highschool girl, “see you in a bit.”

“goodbye my loveeee.”

“Satoru end the call, I’m driving.”

“no you first!”

“Satoru!”

—————

The school was quiet as it usually was, with the slice of laughter and noise coming from the training grounds. There Gojo was with his students, probably spewing some nonsense as he waited for your arrival.

As you walked over, with both the kikufuku and wallet in hand, Gojo’s eye lit up.

He smiled happily at you, waving excitedly as if he had a small crush on you. “Y/n!”

You cracked a small laugh as you made your way over, greeting the students.

“Here’s your wallet and kikufuku.” You put out both items, expecting him to take the snack first.

Instead, Gojo quickly took the wallet from you, opening it up and sighing contentedly as he saw what was inside.

“What?” You asked, Gojo only shrugged at you before pushing the wallet safely into his jacket pocket. “Did you think I ransacked your wallet Satoru?” You questioned teasingly, amused at his exaggerated expression of relief.

“nope!” He pops the ‘p’ as he’s always done, “Just had a lil’ something important in here, can’t risk losing it sweets!” He then leaves a giddy peck on your cheek, leaving you confused and curious as to what was so important in his wallet.

Then Gojo took the kikufuku from you, munching on it ravenously as he always does.

-He had originally placed his wallet next to the kikufuku in the fridge so that he wouldn’t forget his snack, but instead he forgot both his wallet and food.

-

Later that night, when Gojo was long gone in sleep, you reached over to his night stand. Quickly swiping his wallet noiselessly. You then open the black leather wallet, unusually dull for the lively man.

You were taken aback as you saw the familiar film from yours and Gojo’s first date at the arcade.

‘This is what he was so worried about?’ You scoffed, unable to help the lovesick smile on your lips. Satisfied, you closed the wallet and returned it back into it’s place.

‘He’s an idiot’ You thought.

You had an exact copy of the film in your own wallet.

[crguang]

Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still, 

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon. 

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others’. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one “keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

[amndees]

Can u tell me more Abt ur OC? Like lore or fun facts or if u have a colored drawing of them to see their color palette ? (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) No pressure tho !

hi yes i would love to! thank you for asking!!!

here’s a colored version of the drawing had in my original post ab this ^^

they are actually a very powerful psychic with only one ability, to be able to block out and not be affected by other psychics abilities. so when saiki does his whole mind control / gene alteration thing on the entire population they r just like ?????? bc they r not affected

they aren’t really aware of this power though, just knew they could tell when weird things happened that people around them either ignored or found normal. it was only found out once aiura transfers to saiki’s school and they could see their power since she’s able to see people’s aura (and their aura is visible even in saiki’s bc it works like a barrier or shield)

I’ve taken to calling them Une (like immune, for their ability) but if i come up with something better i might change it. their hair is actually dark brown and they dye it a purple-blue color. i imagine they were upset as a kid when everyone’s hair started changing to cool colors and theirs stayed the same lol

for some backstory, not power related—

une used to stay with their auntie while their parents traveled for their jobs. after the first time saiki started a time loop they caught on pretty quickly since things that already happened were being repeated (the sense of deja vu was to strong). people were starting to think they were crazy since they kept insisting that this already happened LAST YEAR.

une’s family felt like they needed a change of scenery so they moved to their other aunt’s new house and now live with her and their cousin.

now here’s the family tree i made so it’s easier to understand! they're actually related to yuuta so they are neighbors with saiki,,,

since they have a lot of free time bc they take online advanced classes, they decided picking up a part time job at a nearby coffee shop would be a good idea

saiki actually meets them at the coffee shop first and is kind of weirded out since he can’t read their mind but also. he has priorities (his sweet treats) and prob thinks its just another nendou situation. he does investigate it more when he realizes they r actually his neighbor…

i have more ideas but this is getting long so that is it for now ^^!!

[ladysophiebeckett]

I read you think Freddy knew about Armando and Betty or at least suspected something weird was going on (Wilson most likely too). At Inesita’s house, it was obvious that something was happening to Armando and it had to do with Betty, but the night at the bar the day she returned to Ecomoda, do you think Freddy suspected that Armando had feelings for Betty? We, as the audience, know that everything Freddy said about having a loved one looking more beautiful than ever and picturing them with someone else at that very moment was painful, which voiced out loud exactly what Armando was thinking judging by his reactions, but do you think Freddy picked up on that?

El Cuartel should have discussed this piece of gossip with Freddy because they notice Betty is being really cold with Armando and know they definitely had a falling out, but Freddy knows for a fact that Armando supports her presidency and admires her a lot, and also gets really defensive about her (well they all know that because they saw how upset he became with the dude that wanted to dance with Betty who wouldn’t take no for an answer). Anyways, I just can’t believe they didn’t suspect anything sooner. I guess this is one of the most unbelievable parts tbh or how about when Armando went insane trying to contact Betty when they told him she was gonna quit and yet they still didn’t think his feelings were genuine? Even after they found out he broke up with Marcela for good, didn’t do anything with Alejandra, not even Inesita, of all people, dared to think he was jealous for real? (She does pick up on this later when she sees his desperation, but not before he had a breakdown and destroyed Mario’s office). I’ve seen people say Armando and Mario share one brain cell, but also El Cuartel sometimes 😂

I can't take credit for the Freddy knowing addition, one of my mutuals added that and i had to go back the episode to confirm. And also super agree(!!). If Freddy suspected it at Inesita's house, then the scene in bar the night of Betty's return confirms it. let me get the caps:

like why is freddy saying 'y, usted?' for? he knows that something happened between them but freddy is discrete. (like, everyone at ecomoda knows about armando's infidelities towards marcela, why wouldn't Freddy, who takes care of armando's car, has access to armando's apartment and probably took care of that dog that disappeared---why wouldn't he know about betty and armando?). he's the closest employee to armando that's not betty.

going back to the bar convo--yes i think Freddy picked up on it, lol.

el curatel was never gonna discuss that with freddy bc, well they didnt know he had important information, but also bc he was only sometimes an honorary member. they themselves wouldn't have discussed this with freddy bc they would say its not his business. (son cosas de mujeres). cuartel loves gossip but they're hit and miss with their investigations. they never suspected be The Quiet One to be having an affair with her boss (this aside from the fact that Betty is 'ugly' (we know she isn't but thats how they perceive her).

Bertha is actually the closest person in el cuartel to finding out about the affair. She literally saw them leave the exhibit together and Armando shut her down quick from saying anything to Marcela. So it's very convenient that she gets sent away bc of her pregnancy right when everything at la junta directiva is coming to light. convenient also that her return to ecomoda is also the day that betty returns to ecomoda. the one person that could have pieced part of it together while armando was on a binge and betty was away, was also missing in action.

Regarding when not believing Armando and not telling him where Betty is--I think part of it is that they know what he did and that doesn't exactly give them incentive to help him (on top of Betty giving instructions not to tell him). At least that's how Aura Maria feels about it, bc she's the one who doesn't waver and also the last one to support Armando at the end (I mean the eps of the arrival of Michel).

They're not completely dumb bc whenever Betty is sad or upset, they notice it but they never know the reason why bc Betty wont tell them. Tho they're heart is often times in the right place, they're very nosey and get caught very easily. That's why Betty doesn't tell them everything. (probably why Freddy doesnt either).

[spookyserenades]

hi second part 👋🏼

hobi- just remembered this, when y/n, Ben, Alice, and Laura text about how hot the hybrids are I thin mainly hobi omg they cracked me up sm. The im married not blind part was so funny 😂

jimin- i don’t remember much from the chapter in September I don’t think we saw much of him but in this recent chapter OMG he was such a sweet pea!!! Y/n really went all out getting his HORSE shipped here. And jimin saying happy b day to join was so sweet cause every one’s warming up to joon after the fight a bit and I think everyone is warming up in general. Anyways y/nie goes above and beyond for her boys and ahhhh so sweet. He was so happy too you could tell he wanted to cry gosh. I love when jimin can’t handle his alcohol well I can just imagine his red cheeks eeek I hope we get to travel and see his family too. He’s defiantly been working hard on the barn, and when she mention he was shirtless at some point 🥵 I cant- im sorry I’m on my period that my horrible excuse anyways -

taehyung- him wanting to take photography and him taking pics of HER STOP ✋ no author u need to stop it’s too much like omg and when they held each other afterward I melted like I TURNED into a puddle of the floor and I’m only able to write this now bc it’s so cold here that I froze and turned back into my human form. She’s possessive and irl tae is too cause like do u remember the perila leaf débat he would get so jelly if his gf peeled off a leaf for a guy friend. The dinner scene where the waiter was making eyes an y/n and tae held her waist and GLARED that’s some dominance right there. I forgot about including the piano scenes in yoongi so I’ll add them here. the pic tae took of their feet sounded so cute and I’m glad yoongi and tae are getting more comfy w each other (cause I think yoongi chose to sit next to him asp) also cause when y/n was thinking abt how she didn’t want him to be alone 🥺😩 yes tae we want you to interact w the others~ Tae LOVES her touches too he reacts easily in just a snap 🫰

jungkook- ahh yes our angst boi- his birthday party scene was so cute he was so flustered and malfunctioned Sksks it was nice to see a raw and genuine part of him that was truly thankful for her that day I hope we get to see more of that. Jk annoying y/n during hobi’s run by giving her a cig omg I cant- this man’s needs to stop he just loves to tease. Such a sassy and snarky boy I’m totally here fir it all the way. And him picking a scary movie bc he knows hobi Jin and jimin will hate it lol. Him already agreeing to held joon and y/n w the wards before she even asked- really can’t hind anything in this house lol. I forgot to talk about this, but joon being upset w y/n and she didn’t call for him when she head the spirit threaten her 😩 he tries to pretend he doesn’t care but he DOES FR and Jk look at him like dam. Okay but that cliffhanger for the last chapter ofc u just stuff us full of fluff just to rip it out of us and I LOVE IT. I wonder what Jk and hobi/joon (I think joon was involved) fought about to make jk storm out like that although it wouldn’t be the first time. And on Halloween, come on yall! Smh 🤦‍♀️ ahh but he’s one of her boys so she’ll rein him in anyways.

Im guess there’s too much testosterone in that house hold or maybe they’re energy’s bc most of them are exotic predators and dominance is a big thing. I don’t remember exactly. Anyways I spoke about everything I could remember so far sorry for typos, ty sm for feeding us every month with such a hearty meal! Luv u 💋

Hehe hey again!!! fkdasfk I'm glad you liked my "married not blind" joke LMAO it's sooo true, especially when it comes to Hoseok. 👹

Jimin - Y/N getting him his horse... my bestie who usually beta reads for me was like Dana no way lmao. I wanna have disposable income like Y/N, and spoil all the boys silly too!! I guess we can live vicariously though Y/N LOL. 💀💀💀 But Jimin so deserved to be reunited with Vista, and he was so happy to have a piece of his former home with him now. Jimin is such a sweet, polite guy, so him wishing Joonie a happy birthday proves he really just want to keep the peace. Tipsy Jimin is just the cutest stinking thing ever, I can picture his face so clearly in my mind! Knowing Y/N, she'll definitely make good on her mental promise to bring Jimin to see his family (I'm sure she wants to meet them too!) Also YES you're right, he was totally shirtless when he was patching up the roof of the stable... I would have passed out if I saw that, Y/N is a strong woman!

Tae - UGH Another one that is totally whipped for Y/N, taking pictures of her, including a couple at his first expo... even though only four were displayed at that expo, you can imagine he's probably taken dozens more of her, which makes me blush and kick my feet. He's definitely one of the more cuddly ones, too, so when he hugged her at the expo that moment was so sweet and intimate... physical touch must be one of his love languages. I love my men a little possessive, and I DO remember the whole perilla leaf debate (wild) and Tae being like that both irl AND in Trouvaille is just so... you know? He was definitely staking claim over Y/N in that brewery, he did not like that random man staring at his girl like that. OOF! 🥵 I'm glad you brought up Tae and Yoongi beginning to come around to one another. They have that connection of both being into music, and I think they have similar possessive feelings over Y/N. Maybe Yoongi will be the one who gets close to Tae first, we'll see!!

Jeongguk - fhdjasf our little edgelord! Ah his birthday was so self indulgent, fluffy, and a chance to see his softer side under all that iciness he usually displays. I think the longer time wears on, he'll let go of more of that frostiness and become more comfortable showing Y/N his tender side. fjdksa I forgot about the scene where he offered her a cigarette at Hoseok's meet-- such a twerp!! I love love love scary movies, and I feel like him maybe Yoongi are the only two that would actually wanna watch a horror film with me IRL, or Y/N in Trouvaille. Hoseok is a bit of a scaredy cat, and the rest of them put that off a little bit as well LOL. And for sure, there really isn't anything that can be hidden in that house anymore, there are ears literally everywhere.... bad news for someone who likes to talk shit, like me. But that's an example of Jeongguk being uncharacteristically sweet, agreeing to help Y/N even if he doesn't have to. Joon was so pissed when she didn't call out for him when she was threatened, but Y/N handled everything just fine, IMO, he was being a dramatic wolf.

You know I love a good cliffhanger!!! I can't not have one almost every time. Hopefully, this time, the conflict can be resolved quickly, and it isn't as bad as The Incident between Joon and Tae. We shall see-- or you may have already seen, in this newest update!! I'm dying.... there is indeed too much testosterone in that house, but I suppose that it is just something they're all going to need some adjusting to. BUT!! Thank you again so so much for sending in these messages and gushing over the boys with me. I always look forward to hearing what you think. Loves you babe!! 💜💞💜💞

[padfootastic]

OKAY SO THIS IS SOMETHING ME AND MY FRIEND DO THAT I SORTA NOW HC J & S TO DO IT AS WELL and i need you- queen of prongsfoot to tell me weather if they also would do this or this sleep-deprived me talking

so every year basically on our birthdays we send each other letters. and by sending I mean hand delivering it to them cause we live two mins away

but it just always has this format right? the address while following the normal format didn't contain the actual working address ala harry potter style kinda like for ex

ash/resident of everlasting patience and stupidity/ mountain of discarded coffee cups/ 16000 pictures in phone gallery street

but then the letter would be the most beautiful piece of ode to friendship to each other and just her and she shines my world and just e v e r y t h i n g.

like my description of notes is this should be so emotive that the reader is reduced to tears laughs and everything in between and those letters (more like a 5 page essay) is something that is one of my most cherished thing to get yearly.

and if you want to add angst to it, imagine sirius finding all those old james letters for each one of his birthday and one maybe for his 22nd one that he didnt get to read for lets just sya reasons

the way i saw u write this in real time and still took so long to get to it 😭😭 i should be locked up i s2g.

no okay but listen!!!! ur onto something here!!!

so. because i’m me, i’m gonna add an aspect of generational/familial history to it. so, imagine like fleamont and/or euphemia writing letters for james on his birthdays, right? and it’s filled with these heartfelt, funny messages and he cherishes them a lot. brings them to hogwarts and reads them when he’s feeling upset (only making himself more homesick in the process lol)

and then on sirius’ first bday in hogwarts (which is only a couple months in, yeah?) he sees that he gets a terrible, horrible letter from his family that doesn’t nothing except scold him/humiliate him and how it hurts sirius. SO. in a bid to restructure his perception of bday letters, james borrows from his own tradition & starts writing letters for sirius. he’s so filled w affection always that it’s absolutely not a problem for him to fill pages upon pages. (and u can even add the address thing as way for j to make it funny so sirius laughs!!)

so yeah, james starts it and slowly, hesitantly, sirius does the same. he’s never as proficient at it as james is, because he’s not as emotional in the first place, but whatever he writes is always heartfelt. (also, in a creative sirius scenario, u could hc that he draws something or composes music just for james and that’s equally sentimental but w/o being so horribly revealing?)

and like yeah, imagine then that james has got his 22nd bday letter all written and stuff bc he’s a little dork who never leaves stuff until the last minute unless he can help it, right? and despite doing this for a decade (a decade!!! they only had a decade together!!!) he’s still so fucking excited to write a fresh one bc he loves gifting and making people happy etc etc, and so he writes it, and keeps it in a nice little envelope w the potter seal embossed on it, just waiting to give it to sirius & see his expression (fav part) except.

except he can’t.

and when sirius enters the house, he sees james’ cold, dead body lying on the floor first, but once he gets up from the ground, he spots the envelope a few feet away and lets out a howl like never before. reads it so obsessively he can recite it, each word hitting like a stab in the heart.

(or, alternatively, u can imagine him somehow discovering the letter post-azkaban after he’s spends dozen years being psychologically tortured, reliving the potters’ deaths, and believing himself to be the cause of it. u pick)

(and of course, once sirius escapes, he does the same for harry. and to parallel james & sirius, the letter he writes for harry’s 16th is left in GP and harry only finds it after the war—or even during when they halt there—when he’s cleaning it up or wtv and basically breaks down all over again)

[fiiyerotigelaar]

oh my god. this is so long but this was literally me last night:

last night was my grandpa’s birthday dinner and in the midst of it i got a text from austin that was incredibly upsetting and clearly worded to start a fight via text (his favorite thing!!) and i was trying to quietly manage it and respond but my mom loudly said “no texting at the table” in this saccharine chirpy mother voice…i said “mmm maybe something you say to your thirteen year old at the family table and not to your thirty year old in crisis mode”

and to everyone else i’m sure it came off bitchy and snippy but like. my mom is soooo fucking childish in this way that just infuriates me. she’s never coming from a place of genuinely caring and it literally is just her larping a functional and successful parent. which she fully could have done when i was a child but she picked methadone instead of being a mother so like. you don’t get to try to parent me when i already raised myself.

so anyway uhhh been in a situationship for a year now that’s been emotionally draining and borderline abusive and instead of anyone having any empathy or reaching out to talk to me my family all whispers and talks behind my back about it. the one time anyone directly has addressed it was my mom saying “you choose to be with him though so i don’t feel sorry for you and you bring it on yourself” so that’s. an incredibly cool and loving response from your mother

like, i leaned back in my chair so my mom couldn’t see my screen and she coincidentally!!!! just happened!!! to stretch at the same time and i set my phone down and she did this four more times before i leaned over and put my hands in front of her and showed her me typing my “please stop gaslighting me and come talk to my face about shit instead of resenting me quietly” message to austin and she blew up on me so i went to the bathroom to cry (and dropped my phone and broke my screen even worse)

and i came back and she goes “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER WHY ARE YOU CRYING THIS IS PAPA’S BIRTHDAY DINNER” ohhhhhhhh my god shut the FUCK up nobody is giving you an oscar for best actress you raggedy bitch

whatever. suffered thru then got home and my bestie holly asked if i wanted to go to dennys and drive around (i didn’t even say anything she just Knows bc we’re psychic queerplatonic partners like that) so i took the opportunity to get some air and talk it out in a space with no judgement and where i could speak without having to mask or censor myself. i asked my grandma if it was okay and she said “i don’t care what you do” in a very casual like, “you’re grown and it’s your choice to go out at 8:30pm on a sunday” type shit so i uhhhh fuckin left like she said i could even after pressing her and saying “if you’d rather i stay home i will”

about 10pm my mom calls from my grandparents land line at the house practically in tears and screaming at me because she can’t find her phone and it’s not at my grandparents who are awake now because she let herself into the house and scared them to fuck and out of their slumber. she tells me i have to come to her apartment and look for it. her phone she lost is now my problem and it’s defcon five level panic attack from her. holly and i literally were listening to her on speakerphone like. the DRAMATICS. the AUDACITY. this woman thinks she’s meryl fuckin streep! yeah that’s really deadass my grown ass MOM a 56 year old!! crying to me from mommy and daddy’s house that she lost her phone!!

i got to her apartment and here’s the thing, for the level of panic and the way she was screaming on the phone about “I TORE THE WHOLE PLACE APART” her purse? on the table untouched. her bed? perfectly made! her couch had all the pillows and blankets in order like a fuckin joanna gaines target ad. not at all “torn apart”. i walked right to her bed and pulled the sheets back and lifted the pillow and there it was! there’s her fuckin phone.

so now i’m Big Time Pissed because there’s no out on that one. if you tore the place apart like you said, you should have found it in your bed. even if you didn’t tear anything up there is no way she could have been laying in bed and not felt her phone under her. she immediately starts bawling and apologizing and retching and dry heaving from crying. she pitifully asks me through sobs while draped over the toilet if i’m going home now and i told her “well yeah, you won. you put on a show and i played my part as the villain just like you set it up” and that just fired her back up but like

you know the “mothers and daughters are wretched mirrors of each other” quote? my mom has no social life. my mom isolates herself and makes no effort to befriend anyone. my mom goes on dating sites just to match with men and immediately make up an ick to avoid having to actually date. literally just clocking in on the apps for attention. so when i go with my friends or i go on dates she will always make some fucking mindwarping comment like “are you sure they’re not sick of you yet?” or “i bet he probably has a girlfriend already”. why. why. WHY. would you say that shit if not for the express purpose of making me doubt myself and spiking my paranoia. personally if i knew my kid had low self esteem and ptsd i would not say that shit. rip to tina but i’m different!

anyway i went home after that and she immediately starts using her phone i found for her to text me to tell me i’m getting yelled at by my logan roy ass grandpa in the morning. he’s 82 and german and had two beers and a shot of tequila the night before having to get up at 4am. i’m fully ready to be out on my ass in the morning ‘cause there’s no conversation with my grandpa where he hasn’t almost blown his voice out. i watch his hands when he hollers and i can tell he wants to beat the shit out of me so bad. i know a man’s tells and i can pick up on the “if this were a different time and i trusted you’d be too scared to charge me with assault i would throttle the fuck out of you”.

reader, i got up at 8am while my grandma was at dialysis and breakfast with my grandpa and immediately started doing laundry and dishes so i could be ready to pack my shit. my grandparents came back from breakfast and did not say a word about last night. in fact, my grandma said “good for you honey i’m happy you’re working on that” when she saw me folding clothes. i spent the whole night in fear of having to flee another home. of losing the only family i have left after leaving my physically and mentally abusive dad in the dust. i was ready to go park my car in the ER parking lot and slit my wrists.

just for everything to be either actually fine or for my grandparents to be over it enough to not even talk about it. literally my mom thinking she’s some clever mastermind that’s going to ruin my life and get me in trouble but in reality she’s just a conniving and bitter bitch that can’t stand to see me have a life outside of being the family therapist/nurse/maid/punching bag.

shiv roy was so me coded when she said “i love you but i cannot fucking stomach you”

[polurbehr]

thank you for tagging me @ghost-bc-gf-enjoyer I hope I’m doing this right gjdkfkd

Are you named after anyone? Uh, kind of? It’s sort of weird. Before he met my grandma, my grandpa had a daughter named Genevieve, but she sadly passed when she was really little. My mom originally picked out my name without intending to name me after anyone, but then she realized how similar our names were and she got worried my grandpa would be upset. She asked him for his approval and luckily he was on board, and my name also somewhat honors Genevieve’s memory- I think it’s nice.

When was the last time you cried? I came close today listening to Ghost’s cover of Stay, but I didn’t surprisingly. However, I did cry yesterday at the Tori Amos concert my mom and I went to. It was because she played Hey Jupiter and Gold Dust, if anyone listens to her music.

Do you have kids? None that I know of, thank god. I’d be a little concerned if I had any I wasn’t aware of.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Just a wee smidge on occasion. I usually try to exaggerate my tone and words when I am being sarcastic, but it still goes over some people’s heads. Then again, I also have trouble picking up on other people’s sarcasm sometimes. I’m autistic, if you couldn’t tell.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Usually the first thing I notice is a person’s hair, since I tend to avoid eye-contact but I don’t want to seem unengaged in conversation. People’s noses are also another thing I pay attention to I think.

What’s your eye color? My eyes are grayish-blue, but they’re definitely on the grayer side if I had to say.

Do you prefer scary movies or happy endings? It depends on my mood really, though I don’t usually watch a lot of movies- I can’t sit still for too long. But if I had to say, I’d say I prefer happy endings. I love horror movies and darker concepts, but it’s just easier to rewatch comfort media.

Do you have any pets? There’s never been a moment in my life where the answer to this question would be no. I currently have a chinchilla, a husky, a turtle, a ferret, and three cats. They’re split between two houses, but regardless, seven pets is probably too many- though I’ve had way more in just one house before.

What sports do you play/have played? I’ve never really been interested in sports, but I did play on a little league t-ball team for a year when I was 5. I only quit the team so I could take ballet and tap lessons, which I took for a few years before deciding it wasn’t for me anymore.

How tall are you? I think this question is incredibly insensitive and disrespectful. Why does a person’s height matter? Sincerely, a 5 foot tall person whose doctor says she is done growing.

What’s your favorite subject in school? This is definitely going to be controversial amongst a lot of people, but math. I love math and I’m really good at it, I always have been. I like solving puzzles, and it’s one of the only subjects that engages me whilst also not stressing me out too much. I do really enjoy most science courses too, though.

What’s your dream job? I want to be a psychologist, most likely one who specializes in autism and neurodiversity in general. I especially want to help teens and young people learn how to slowly unmask and develop healthy coping strategies. But as long as I’m doing something that helps people, I don’t really care what it is I end up doing overall.

no pressure tags: @historian-crown @terzoswh0re @moonlitpaladin @in-cardi-c-we-thrust

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 2x09 recap

Phew, this week was busy as hell so ngl this show picked a good time to have a set-up episode haha. Still, I thought the ep was actually really great, and I’m excited for what’s coming next!

Ok I’m really happy to see more of Thony’s buddhism! Lbr she needs his help rn. Was it really necessary for Fi to bring Luca to meet at the temple though? The threat of Kamdar is fairly under control for the moment, so really she could have just brought him to the house. (Sidenote, but in terms of timeline, it sounds like he’s been at JD’s for 2 nights, meaning this ep is only a day or so after last ep?). But anyway. Ngl I like seeing Thony in her jacket bc it just makes me think of her connection to Arman, but tbh I was like ‘why is everyone in long sleeves?? It’s summer in Nevada????’ but oh right no, the filming is in summer/fall, but the show must be at least nearing winter by now (not that winter in Nevada is all that cold anyway haha). But yeah in the pilot, Thony says they’ve been in the US for 8 months, and in 1x07 they celebrated all the holidays they missed having with Marco, which included Christmas. So Thony took Luca to the US in December at the latest, and then the two of them were there for 8 months already before the events of the show started taking place, and it’s now been about 3 more months since then. So I guess we could almost be in November/December again?  Too bad this isn’t the kind of show to do a christmas episode lol, I would have loved that

Ok speaking of jackets/wardrobes etc, Arman needs to stop wearing the same goddamn thing every single day (as utterly sexy as it is), bc it’s making it harder for me to know exactly when everything is happening haha. I’m gonna assume that this scene actually occurs the night before Fi and Thony meet in the temple (aka still the same day as when Thony told him about RK and Nadia’s marriage). Bc I’m guessing that Thony told him, then he left and spent a while being upset (and conflicted, because yes the lying and the manipulation sucks but hey on the other hand, suddenly he’s a free man lol) before looking up the public record, and then he goes to La Habana, where Nadia is excitedly setting up what looks to be a dinner date for them (sigh, I feel sad for both her and us lol). Tbh I think that is the timeline that makes the most sense, bc lbr, if this was happening the following day after he finds out (so the same day as Thony in the temple), then Nadia would have been upset or suspicious about where he had disappeared to for a whole night, because clearly this is their first time seeing each other since Thony’s reveal. But anyway I guess it really doesn’t matter much haha. Also I like how he’s like “so it’s true” and then later tells her that he looked it up on the public record. Like duh of course it’s true lol, you literally saw the proof? Also ngl I was very satisfied when he turned away from her kiss, and then when she hugged him, begging forgiveness, and he didn’t hug back. I know it’s mean but I just love every single thing that further proves that this relationship really has no future… (well, the romantic part of it, at least.)

Also YAAASSSSSS I knew she and Robert were still married!! I mean I’m sure I’m not the only one who called it, but still, gotta love being proved right. And like I said, gotta love Arman no longer being a married man haha. Also incidentally, if RK and Nadia ‘divorced’ after a year, then that was 7 years ago, confirming that her and Arman have been together less than that. (even if they met while she was with Robert, I doubt that she would have dared get with Arman until the divorce was supposedly finalised, given that she was afraid of RK). But anyways then aaaaahhhh the way Arman walks away from her– idk about you guys, but I just really can’t see them going back to being together after this, bc firstly there’s been a betrayal of trust on both sides, and secondly, cmon, the dude knows he’s in love with Thony, and knows that it’s her that he really wants to be with, not Nadia. Tbh though this did all work out a bit differently than I expected; I absolutely assumed that Nadia would demand to know how he found out, and would then learn of how he’d used her. But now instead of both of them being pissed at each other, we have her feeling guilty and desperate for forgiveness, while also accepting that she may have caused the end of their relationship. Which is kind of true but also not really haha. I think the dooming of this ‘marriage’ was a mutual effort tbh lol

Ugh the combination of Hyper-competent Doctor Thony and Worried Mom Thony gets me every time. But man seriously can the universe just give her and Luca a break?? Like she said in 1x06, why does it always have to be so hard?? (Bc it makes for good TV drama, of course, haha). Loved the throwback to Dr Saroyan, who has probably been enjoying the last few weeks of respite from these very stressful clients haha. I kinda wish we’d get to see him again bc I miss him, but at the same time we don’t really need him as much bc Arman has a new personal doctor now :P 

Speaking of Arman, ughhhh at the fact that she’s clearly told him about Luca being sick again. Despite the uncomfortable way their last meeting ended, they’ve obviously been in contact, arranging the next med pickup and talking about Luca and still just being there for each other even when they’re kind of being pushed into being on different sides in regards to their situation with RK/Nadia etc. Tbh I just love this scene: the way he and Fi greet each other (from her expression, it looks like she has come to accept him and his place in Thony’s life and I’m so happy about it); the way he immediately asks after Luca; the simple sincerity and the eye contact with the “I wish I could help”/”You are” ughhh. (Bc the thing is, he’s not helping Luca directly; Thony and Dr Saroyan have that covered. But he’s supporting Thony, and that’s what she truly needs).  

Nooooooo Boscoooo my boy :’C I know the writers have been basically telling us this was coming since like 2x03 but I’m still sad!! I do love that in this scene, Thony’s first response was to start checking for survivors/people needing medical help, then she saw the truck and her focus shifted to the meds and what their absence meant for Luca (and also her and Arman). Which is very much her character– help anyone in need if she can, but her family’s needs take priority. Arman’s response was just as perfect– his first reaction was Protect Thony, by warning her to stay back and also scanning all around them for further threats, and only once things appeared safe did he even think to look for Bosco. But ugh I really didn’t want to have to see Arman lose another friend, especially another whose death he’s going to torture himself over ughh. I’m sad Bosco didn’t even get to say any last words either but at least he wasn’t alone when he died. Ugh my boy deserved better :( 

And then suddenly there’s magically appearing bikers (let’s ignore that their engines should have been audible way before they got that close, shall we? lol) and Armony running from bullets and stealing a bike and a high speed chase on a dirt road and honestly I didn’t need this kind of stress in my life haha. Also damnnn son I guess Arman is an amazing rider because do you know how hard it is to keep a bike steady at speed, on dirt, and with a passenger?? I do! It’s bloody hard! And kicking an object while riding without then causing yourself to crash is even harder lol. And don’t even get me started on that chain they broke through– like dude if that chain was attached at all to more than one side of the gate, riding into it would have clotheslined them both and sent them hurtling right onto the road in the path of that RV lol. Good thing it was apparently not attached and was just draped across the gap or something though… and like man I know it’s Vegas and all but that was a hell of a gamble lol

I am immensely satisfied that I accurately predicted exactly what Arman would do and say the moment they got off the bike haha, though lbr he IS kind of predictable when it comes to Thony and being worried for her safety. And okay I’m very glad they’re both uninjured (and look, shooting a target is hard at the best of times, so I understand them not being hit by bullets shot from a moving vehicle while they were also moving at speed), but I mean couldn’t Thony have gotten just a little bit shot? Like nothing serious, just a nasty graze across the shoulderblade or something? Just enough for Arman to freak out over and for her to have to take off her shirt for him to check it lol. But sigh, I guess I’ll just have to save that for fanfiction lol. Anyway though, you really gotta feel for Armony rn because they are really not having a good week lol

Ah, everyone’s least favourite sociopathic peacock is back. But how satisfying to see him get slapped right in the face haha (though lbr he probably likes that kind of thing?). Ngl though I almost enjoy how utterly pathetic he is when it comes to Nadia? Like with everyone else he’s self-assured, powerful, always at the advantage; but with her he’s a total simpering mess and I want her to crush him under her heel like a bug lol

Nope, not okay with hearing Thony just barely holding back tears over the phone with Dr Saroyan, and then trying so hard to keep things together as she explains the situation to Fi. She’s right about Luca never surviving the flight though ugh; I literally just did a course on the physiological stress of flight in critically ill patients and no way would he make it in his condition. Maybe on an official repatriation flight with a medical team accompanying him, but not as a deported immigrant on a commercial flight ugh. But anyway, I digress lol

And now Thony’s bad day is getting even worse as she has to go deal with RK’s shit lol. But oooh the burner phone is back! Given that later in the ep RK texts her on her other phone, I’m guessing that it’s Arman who texted her just then to let her know RK was back and that they have been summoned to see him– considering they show up to RK’s office together, it’s likely that Arman came to pick her up and take her there. And ugh that’s yet another moment between them I wish we could have seen, bc like did they talk about what they would say? Or the possibility that RK might hurt them as punishment?? I need to know lol. But ugh that moment when RK does snap and signal Joseph to kill Arman? (which tbh I don’t think he would have dared to do if Nadia hadn’t basically just told him she wanted nothing to do with him; bc previously it was only the fear of turning Nadia against him that kept him from killing Arman). Ngl I am obsessed with the way Arman clenches his jaw and stands straight, accepting his death like he has known ever since the prison that it was only a matter of time, that there would be no escaping it, not after everything that’s happened. But Thony will never accept that, will never stop fighting to protect him, and so she immediately moves closer to him, pleading on his behalf and getting herself even more deeply ensnared in RK’s web as she saves him ughhhhhhh

Ugh more DoctorMom Thony… I can’t deal with the way she looks at Luca before she walks out of the room. She knows that this may be a one way trip to the Philippines for her, but I guess she’s holding on to the thought that even if it is, she’ll be able to send the meds back and he’ll get better– and then eventually he may be well enough to fly back too and they can be reunited. (Well, if she doesn’t get murdered by RK, that is. Ugh). But at least in the meantime he will be safe with Fi– although dude “give him more morphine whenever he needs it” is an INCREDIBLY dangerous statement to say to someone who doesn’t have medical training haha. But I’m sure she wrote down some clearer instructions lol. Also aww at the fact that Fi has apparently been sending money back to her parents all this time, despite having such a challenging relationship with them and also having little money to spare?? I love her Your Honour

Seeing Arman and Thony pull up to the plane in the caddy reminded me that his motorbike is still back at Bosco’s camp ughhhhhh. Maybe he’ll be able to ride the other bike back and go get it? Though lbr the risk is probably not worth it. Ugh RIP you beautiful motorcycle I will miss you and all the Armony-embracing you created. Ngl the power couple in the caddy look is still hot though haha. As is the fact that Arman is dressed rather similarly to the last time these two took a private jet flight together, and then later slowdanced by firelight… got some subconscious hopes rising to the surface there buddy? Me too tbh lol. And then ugh RK shows up and completely ruins all our hopes, as usual. I love that both Arman and Thony tried to argue against Arman being left behind (“I need Arman to come with m–” yes you do need him ughhh). But then ugh when Arman realises that he has no way to fight this, that he has already been pushed out and deemed worthless, and as a result has no power to protect her anymore? And he just stares after her and she looks back at him for just a second and they’re both thinking, is this the last time we’ll ever see each other?

Boooo the ledger didn’t actually help?? So Arman went through that ‘reconciliation’ with Nadia for nothing? Great. Also ngl I am still stuck on my ‘Russo is indebted to Kamdar and under his influence’ theory. C’mon show, tell me what side she’s on, I need to knowwwwww

Of course RK chose the seat right across from Thony and is watching her sleep. Goddamn creep. Though tbh we all know that she is completely under his power rn and so there are far worse things he could be doing to her (things I’m sure Arman’s imagination is currently torturing him with), so I guess I should be glad that sexual violence does not seem to be one of RK’s proclivities. But ugh this flight is still so uncomfortable, especially the way she is forced to reveal her friend’s identity to him, knowing that it will put her at risk but having no choice. But holy shit the line “The chief of cardiology? That’s a lot to give up… the godlike power of saving lives, just to become a maid for criminals” is possibly one of the most powerful statements we’ve had in the show. And then her response: “My life became about saving one person’s life. My son.” Like wow, that really captures the entire essence of the show, doesn’t it? The lengths that a mother will go to for her child, the sacrifices she will make to save one person above all others. Though  tbhI would argue that the truth has shifted a little bit now– in S1, yes, her life was all about saving Luca. But since the end of S1 it has become about saving her family– Luca, Fi and the kids, and Arman. Thony says in 1x04 that she became a doctor to be like her father, who her mother always said was brave and risked his life for others. She clearly dedicated so much of her life to that goal, to being the best doctor she could be, to help all the many the people who needed her knowledge and abilities. But after Luca got sick, and after she reunited with Fi and saw the way she was struggling through life as a TNT, and after she met Arman and developed such a deep and unexpected connection with him, I think that all that determination and caring and protectiveness that had been spread across scores of cardiac patients instead focused itself intensely on just five people. Of course, she always helps whoever she can, but those five people are who her life is really about. And I think that RK actually respects that, respects that she is willing to do whatever it takes for the people she loves, even when it comes at a huge risk to herself. Tbh I think he’s found her quite intriguing for a while, ever since he’d learned that she was more than what she’d claimed at their first meeting, and since seeing the power she held (in different ways) over both Nadia and Arman. Let’s just hope that he stays intrigued enough to not have her murdered lol

Ooooh I have been hoping for AGES that Joseph is Filipino!! Honestly I always felt it was too much of a coincidence that RK’s right hand man– who we’ve seen RK abusing more than once– should just happen to be South East Asian. Like that casting has to be deliberate. And now he and Thony are kind of vibing?? Like yaaaaassss c’mon Joseph, turn on RK and take Thony’s side instead!

Aw Thony being welcomed by her friends is so sweet (and I love the very classic bilingual conversation), but oh mannnn it’s so uncomfortable to watch her trying to be normal and social all the while knowing that she’s there with a motive and that RK is outside and that so much is riding on her friends taking a huge risk for her ugh. When she escaped to the bathroom I just wanted to give her a hug ugh. Just like I wanted to give Arman a hug when he was suddenly faced with Isabel selling the club, kicking him when he’s already down, and god as much as I’m suffering rn I do love the way the show juxtaposed those two scenes, like it’s saying that even separated by thousands of miles, their pain is still shared. Ugh our babies really are going through it lol  

Nope nothing to say about this awful scene with Thony and her friends and her trying to beg for their help while suffering such a mortifying level of shame and guilt and ughhhh nope can’t deal with this at all. Although I feel like the drug he mentioned about hepatic damage might somehow become relevant later on? It seems Luca is copping every possible side effect or complication so who knows lol. But ugh when her friend gives her the name but then realises that Thony brought RK with her and basically exiles her for it ughhhh it hurts me. Especially because Thony has said before that many of hers and Marco’s friends stopped talking to them because he would borrow money and not pay it back– this woman may have been one of the only friends Thony had left from her life in Manila. And now she’s lost that too. 

Lol I like this bisexual lighting in La Habana– I’m gonna headcanon that Nadia chose that lol. It’s also really cool to hear that she was the one who made the place into a cigar lounge; between that and her influence on RK’s business, I’m definitely getting the sense that this woman should absolutely be running the show. But ugh when he says he’s not going to say goodbye to either her or the club, I honestly kind of liked it?? Because I want her and Arman to be able to stay in each other’s lives, just not in a romantic partnership, and tbh I think we are actually getting closer to achieving that with each episode? Because they’ve had their heated, angry breakup, they’ve had their unwilling (on his part at least) make-up, and then they’ve had the reveal that their marriage was never ‘real’ and all the painful emotional fallout that came as a result of that. And now they’ve made peace, have apologised to each other for the way things happened and how they hurt each other, but it’s definitely got a ‘forgive but don’t forget’ vibe to it, in that while they can absolve each other for what they’ve done, they’re not just going to pretend it never happened and go back to what they were. Bc in my mind, they’ve now reached a place where returning to the relationship they had– the marriage– is impossible, yet it is still possible for them to have a new relationship, one where they are partners of a different kind, two people who know and respect and trust each other and can work well together toward a common goal. And tbh we’ve all always noted even from early in S1 that they seemed to behave more like business partners than husband and wife, and now maybe they can have that, and can see that it fits them better than being married ever did. 

YEAAAHHHH BOOYYYYY “I’m gonna kill Kamdar. And you’re gonna help me.” Aaaaaaahhhhh you guys I have been WAITING for this and I am so excited. And you know what the absolute best part is???? The timing of this decision from Arman. He is suddenly filled with determination to kill RK, but that determination didn’t appear after RK forced him to commit murder, or after he found out RK caused his whole marriage to be a lie, or after RK literally almost had him shot dead in his office. Yes all of those things contributed to it, but it was truly cemented the moment RK flew away in the jet with Thony completely at his mercy, and Arman realised he no longer had the power to protect her.  Like yes I know that RK has made it clear that he no longer has use for him (and that therefore he may potentially have Arman killed at any moment) but honestly, I don’t think that “it’s either him or me” is Arman’s real reason. It’s an effective reason to give Nadia, because if forced to choose, she would absolutely choose Arman; but I really don’t think Arman truly cares about the possibility of his death. Like in 2x07 he literally told RK that he wasn’t going to follow his orders to kill Maya, and to just kill him instead; and it was only when Thony’s life was threatened that he gave in. Even earlier in this ep when Joseph nearly shot him, he didn’t do a thing to try to stop it happening. Honestly I think that he believes that he deserves it; I think he’s now convinced that he only brings death and destruction and pain to those around him– Matteo, Carlos, Hayak, Maya, Bosco (and that’s not even counting the people he killed for Hayak)– and that by dying he would be paying penance for them, but also protecting Thony and Nadia from suffering the same fate. And so that’s why he is suddenly so desperate to kill Kamdar: because of Thony and Nadia. Because that moment at the hangar made it clear to him that unless he takes out RK permanently, neither woman will ever be able to get free of RK’s grip, and will always be in danger from him. Which means now he knows that he needs to act fast, to kill RK before RK can kill him, because if he dies before RK then there’s no one left to protect his family– the two women he loves. 

Also, can I just say that I called it about the fact that if RK dies, Nadia– as his still-legal wife– is likely his main beneficiary, and so she would inherit his entire kingdom? Like ngl I could see some potential issues there, like the fact that if he died, the FBI would probably be pretty interested to investigate exactly what happened, and would most definitely tie up all his assets rather than releasing them to the estranged wife that had very suspiciously just made a very recent return into his life, and whose second ‘husband’ is a known enemy of RK’s lol. But who cares about logic and legalities, right? And tbh it was a very smart move of Arman to appeal to Nadia’s greed and ambition by reminding her that she could become queen of it all, and could finally have what she has worked so hard to earn. There’s a look of almost disgust on his face as he says it, which may be because he’s acknowledging that Nadia is RK’s wife, not his, but tbh I read it as also being disgust at a) manipulating her again, and b) the fact that money and status and power mean so much to her. If the situation were switched and it was Thony in her position, Thony wouldn’t care at all about what she might inherit from RK; she’d only care about keeping Arman safe. But to be clear, this is not a judgement of Nadia! Her greed and covetousness are actually really interesting character traits and they make her more nuanced and real, and tbh I can totally understand why someone who came from nothing (and who worked hard for everything she had and yet still lost it all, while watching others get richer and richer without ever working for it, purely because they were born into privilege) would be drawn to the idea of doing one ‘bad thing’ to get to have everything she feels she deserves.

Ugh at Thony keeping her promise to Fi and going to Fi’s parents’ house to leave the money she gave her. I’m glad she didn’t have to go meet with them– she could have stopped them when she saw them leaving, but she chose not to (in fact it seemed like she was waiting for them to leave), and she clearly knew where the spare key was kept (she may have had her own copy when she lived in Manila, but lbr she wouldn’t have taken her copy of the key to the US with her). Also the envelope Fi gave her was white, and she puts that on the counter first, but then she also takes out a thick, fresh stack of cash, and a yellow envelope– and tbh I think the cash and yellow envelope are from her. @enigmaticfox said, and I agree, that this moment feels very much like a goodbye; a goodbye to her former parents-in-law– the only parents she has had for years– and to her connection to the Philippines. Her work life there ended 5 years ago with Luca’s diagnosis, and her friends were lost one by one over the years due to Marco using them, with the last finally lost on this trip due to Thony using them; and then with the loss of Marco and the fallout from his death, the family ties she had to this place are gone now too. She says it herself when she gets back on the plane– “The Philippines are not my home anymore.” And it’s true. Her home, her life, everyone she loves– they’re all in Vegas. 

Oh Russo what the actual fuck were you thinking? Kissing Garrett at any time is an incredibly terrible decision for many reasons, but kissing him at work only days after he lost someone he loved?? Someone whose picture he was literally just staring mournfully at as you walked in the door?? Like woman I have so many questions about your sanity haha. (Also about your loyalties. Seriously tell me, does Kamdar have you under his thumb???)

Damn Thony’s outfits for this trip have been so good. She looks so effortlessly elegant and sophisticated, and while I love that as a character she’s clearly not at all vain and will normally just wear the same simple clothes repeatedly, it is nice to see a little variety being included– tbh I feel that her tiny wardrobe was a symbol that her time in Vegas was only temporary and that she didn’t  ‘belong’ there, so the more clothes that get added to the mix, the more it feels like she is putting down roots and really claiming Vegas as her home. Of course she doesn’t have a lot of closet space rn so she can’t go too wild with the wardrobe lol, but I hope it does get at least a little bigger by the end of the season. Anyway phew at RK basically pulling the rich-people equivalent of a jedi mind trick (aka bribery) on the customs guy lol; money really does open all doors huh

Okay so either RK is even more of a ridiculous simp for Nadia than I previously thought, and is completely fooled by her (let’s face it, rather terrible) acting lol, or he knows she’s deliberately trying to manipulate him into buying La Habana but doesn’t care and is happy to give her what she wants anyway, because it will get him what he wants– Nadia’s affection and gratitude. Tbh I hope it’s the first option because that’s just so much funnier. But either way, now that he’s the owner of La Habana, she can just “what’s yours is mine” her way into being the next owner upon his untimely demise haha. Work smarter not harder ladies!

Why do I feel a sense of foreboding hearing Luca say “mommy I don’t want you to go”? Bc like she literally just came back? Maybe he means he doesn’t want her to go away again? And ok even though I know nothing will happen to her (she’s the main character after all, and this show is no Game of Thrones lol), it makes me afraid of foreshadowing lol. But ugh when she tells Fi that the meds will fix Luca and Fi says “well, then whatever you went through over there, it was worth it”– yet another line that has really captured the heart of this show. Whatever Thony goes through, no matter how bad, it’s worth it to her as long as Luca (and her family) are okay. She will bear any pain, any burden, as long as it keeps them safe and healthy and happy. Which is why she will keep working with RK, bc even though she knows that he’s so unpredictable and mercurial that just being in his vicinity is a danger in itself; she’s willing to take that risk as long as he can supply the meds that keep Luca healthy. Which means that the situation between her and Arman is about to get a little complicated lol, because right now she needs RK, and Arman needs him gone. Bc just like her, Arman will do anything to protect the people he loves– and for him, that means protecting her from RK by eliminating him before he can hurt her. It’s the best kind of conflict imo, because it’s one person saying to the other “I love you enough to do what needs to be done to save you, even if it makes you hate me”. Of course, Arman doesn’t want to endanger Luca by taking away his access to the meds, but in his mind, RK is a far more immediate threat to Thony’s safety than the short supply of meds is to Luca’s wellbeing, and so he probably figures that once RK is eliminated he can then use RK's funds and connections (via Nadia) to get Luca all the meds he will ever need.

But the real question now is whether he will tell Thony what he’s planning to do to Kamdar??? I honestly can’t decide, because on one hand, keeping her in the dark would protect her (plausible deniability, etc etc) and that definitely seems like something he would do– plus, in terms of storytelling, it would create some delicious angst because Thony would see Arman suddenly shutting her out and instead spending most of his time with Nadia, and she would assume it means that Arman has now definitively made his choice regarding who he wants to be with, and so she would then endure their every following interaction with the quiet suffering of a secretly broken heart ugh. (God I would LOVE to see that, because the eventual reveal of the truth– that he loves her, has loved her the whole time and has only been trying to keep her safe– would be glorious). However, if on the other hand he tells her what he’s planning, and she tells him not to do it because she needs RK (also bc she doesn’t want him to get caught for RK’s murder, of course) then there’s a different kind of delicious angst where they both know how they feel about one another but they’re stuck on opposing sides regardless, due to external factors outside of their control. Which tbh would also be glorious. So basically, whatever happens next will be a freakin delight lol. And ok I know there’s a lot of fans who are unhappy about Armony being potentially pitted against each other while Arman teams up with Nadia, but I honestly cannot wait, because the truth is that any conflict between these two now will just make it all the sweeter when they eventually– and inevitably– finally give in to their feelings and accept that everything they’ve done, they’ve done for each other, and that there’s nothing they want more than to be together.

Oh no. The gun. Lbr, RK absolutely just had it planted in order to get Arman out of the way now that he thinks he’s got a chance with Nadia again– gotta remove the competition, y’know? lol. Though I definitely do take issue with the fact that he dared to plant for the FBI to find, considering that in 2x07 he himself touched it with his bare hands before Arman did, and that seems like a risk he would never take, but whatever. Plot hole maybe. But anyhow aaaaahhh now Garrett (and ofc Russo/the FBI) know about Arman, and I can’t WAIT to see what he does about it. Tbh my ideal headcanon would be that he immediately goes to arrest Arman, and Arman argues that if he’s already going to be going down for murder, why don’t they make it count– and so convinces Garrett to give him a couple of days to kill Kamdar (thus making him truly pay for what he did to Maya) before he takes him in. It would be fascinating to see Garrett agree to that, clearly venturing more into the moral grey zone, and also to see these two nemeses teaming up in that way. Especially if part of their agreement is that Thony is kept completely out of it so she won’t go down with Arman, because neither of them wants anything to happen to her. Ngl, I’ve already drafted the fic haha, and I’m sure I’ll get around to posting it one day– but in the meantime, I’m so goddamn excited to see what the show gives us over these next few episodes ugh. Honestly I am living the fangirl dream here kids and I hope you guys are too lol

[episbep]

rehab day thirty seven

oh fuck wow oh no ok idk how to even start todays entry

• got pulled into a room at the centre by ☀️ 👶 for a big kiss session chat and cuddle before returning to the group like *nothing happened* told him I was sad so needed some dick asap, suggested McDonald’s toilets at lunchtime lmao (ketsket behaviour)

• gender group therapy I was just exhausted and disengaged rly didn’t take much from it whatsoever

• lunch at McDonald’s (no ☀️👶)

• ☀️👶 asked if we could ‘have a chat’ and took me to the COUNSELLORS ROOM where I’ve only ever had 1:1s and bollockings….told me he thinks it best to refrain pursuing our thing we have going on further because it’s a rule for a reason and we’re working towards being better versions of ourselves, not degrading each other or ourselves, or searching for validation/emotional fixes through sex but we can like wait a month and see where it takes us when we’re both out of treatment and clean - and I was like yh ok but sad had one last kiss and went out seperate ways

• ‘fun activity’ afternoon I just sat in the sun and didn’t rly do anything while everyone else played rounders - briefly spoke to ☀️👶 that realistically we won’t wait…we both have needs and he was like calm if you wanna sleep with someone else crack on, held my hand in the cafe, I wanted to kiss and cuddle still because I am developing feelings but refrained bc I respect him and his wishes

• back at the house was very sad, big tears, he called to talk, I understand completely what he’s saying but still hurts and felt like it was because he just wanted to get rid of me for someone better or didn’t want me to get upset or whatever but very much not a great feeling

• NA meeting - I cried so much, he shared that he was feeling good about having cut off a potential relationship and is following advice/suggestions which made me even sadder but also proud bc like yes it is the right thing to do - I shared and held it together for like 5mins before leaving room to absolutely fall apart

•☀️👶 came to comfort me even though I’d gone outside and sat on a wall in the trees, crying my eyes out (there is also other shit going on that I’m not gonna share on here I’m not just a huge cry baby emotional clingy ass bitch)

• gave me some cuddles and we spoke some more about separating ego from self and committing to the program, trusting in higher power that we are where we are meant to be and expressed he really likes me a lot and sees a relationship between us when we leave here and for some reason I believe him, I trust him and I want to do and be better for us both. Gave me a huge boost of motivation that was very much needed. Shared to housemates about arranging to pick up a half oz of k when I go home and they helped with deleting dealers snap and fb so I can’t pick up £10 grams or relapse when I get out - feel like I’m back in the game, motivated and honest. Also called my mum and confessed this to her - created a to do list including changing my number

• another long call with ☀️👶 to thank him and apologise and ensure he’s not sacrificing his recovery to support me and/or that I’m not leaning too heavily on him - he reiterated that he has legit feelings and wants us to stay in touch after I leave, meet up, etc - my understanding is that the only thing we are stopping is sexual pursuit, emotional bonds are fine bc I can’t stop the feelings that I have and I don’t want to lose him, already lol.

•worked on step 2&3 with housemates while they watched a film, spent ages writing my daily diary for the counsellors to read, bed

•it’s like 2am I’m so tired

[bellaswan-kinnie]

my top 10 favorite songs released in 2023:

*in no particular order

What Was I Made For?, Billie Eilish | I will be upset if this doesn’t win soty or roty i literally can’t listen to it without crying.

Letter To An Old Poet, boygenius | i wish i could listen to this for the first time again and experience the shock and pain i felt when i realized it was a sequel to me and my dog.

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl, Chappell Roan | i finally listened to chappell after she was announced as the guts tour opener and i’m so obsessed with her she’s got the queer mega pop star energy that rina sawayama has.

lacy, Olivia Rodrigo | lacy is the best-written song on guts imo it has so many possible meanings that are all really interesting and complex and i love the vivid imagery in the lyrics. i also love how olivia experimented with harmonies and a more folksy sound.

Let The Light In, Lana Del Rey ft. Father John Misty | it’s maybe a basic pick from Ocean Blvd but this song just feels so good to listen to and the way the lyrics call back to the earlier track kintsugi makes me ill.

Now That We Don’t Talk, Taylor Swift | criminally short but i’ve come to appreciate that, since the song is about having to cut off communication with someone u once knew intimately and you want to keep knowing them but it’s not good for you! so of course u would be left wanting more when it’s over!

Is It Over Now?, Taylor Swift | i’m breaking the one song per album rule for the 1989 vault tracks bc why tf did she hide these from us for so long???? this song specifically just has that manic diaristic writing style that i always missed from 1989 (though i understand why she wanted to write differently for this album) and the little switch up in the drums for the repeated bridge gets my ass shaking every time!!

Got Me Started, Troye Sivan | it’s hard to pick one song from Something To Give Each Other but this one is so fun and addicting and it’s one of the few good uses of a sample in a year where that was the dominant trend in pop.

Unknown / Nth, Hozier | DO U KNOW I COULD BREAK BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THE GOODNESS LOVE I STILL CARRY FOR YOU AND I’D WALK SO FAR JUST TO TAKE THE INJURY OF FINALLY KNOWING YOU. (*honerable mention to Francesca bc wtf do u mean “heaven is not fit to house a love like u and i”)

My Love Mine All Mine, Mitski | just like let the light in it’s popular for a reason!! it feels so comforting to listen to and the way it deals with love and mortality is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

[aicsuliamasaiamit]

day 46 of letting @taylorswift know i have the same name as her cat until she notices

the shelter i volunteer at just had 40+ cats surrendered today. all from the same home. more than half of them are orange and half of them are girls. a few of those girls are pregnant (ages estimated to be around 7-24 months). they’re just babies themselves, having more babies. they all have traumatically amputated tails for what? fashion? if our laws here in western KY were as strict as chicago or even los angeles , this would never be a problem. these cats and other animals aren’t getting as much attention they deserve. they’re all so very sweet.

it took me about 3 and a half hours to get them all vaxxed, weighed, set up in kennels/cages, fed/watered. i live in a small town.. but if you took a look at how many animals there are in this shelter you’d think i was from NYC. this has to stop. please spay and neuter your pets when they’re old enough!!

people wonder why kill shelters are a thing. this year, our shelter is no-kill. for a shelter to be no-kill, their euthanization rate has to be under 10% for the entire year. we’ve been very lucky and blessed to have an amazing community who are willing to adopt, not shop. if we keep getting animals at a rate like this (up to 50 a day), it’s a very sad chance we would be classified as a kill shelter. and since people don’t know about how a shelter becomes kill/no-kill, they take one look and scoff that we put down these amazing animals.

a gentleman was at the front door a few weeks ago when i came in. he had a box of kittens and asked if i wanted them. i told him i would take them if i could but unfortunately my indoor cat has only child syndrome. he said he didn’t want to take them to the shelter bc we were classified as a kill shelter and that we would “kill his kittens”. i said no sir, we are not. then i explained how a shelter becomes one. he left and i didn’t see him again. a few days later there’s a post on facebook about a box of kittens left at a nearby park.. and they were those same kittens. they were covered in fleas, skin actively bleeding from scratching, nose/eye/sinus problems, they were dehydrated, and one of them almost didn’t make it.

along with spay and neuter laws, we need people to be educated. if you have a box of kittens or you found a dog on the side of the road, BRING THEM TO A SHELTER. it’s so much better than leaving them out to die in a park on a hot July day. if you can’t take care of your pet for any reason, BRING THEM TO THE SHELTER. don’t abandon them somewhere they don’t have access to food, water, and shelter. if you were living your last moments, would you rather be uncomfortable in a suffocating box.. or in the arms of someone who is comforting you, loving you unconditionally.

a former potential surrender recorded her dog with a ring camera while she was gone. she was scared her pup would be restless and tearing up the house of anxiousness while she was gone. but no. he was asleep. if you feel like you can’t give enough attention to your pet, record them while you’re gone and see what they do. she kept her dog bc he was such a couch potato and wasn’t worried about her not being at the house.

it breaks my heart every day to see animals come in. then, a few days later, they’re moping around their kennel. we have a husky/pyrenees mix and his name is Hagrid. he’s so calm, gentle, and quiet. you would never guess he’s part husky. when you try and take him out, he won’t budge until you pick him up. when he is outside, he does his business and is immediately ready to go back in. what kind of active dog mix wants to go inside on a nice day? he’s hopeless, he’s depressed, he’s given up. i believe there are a few potential adopters coming to look at him soon which is good, he’s a gorgeous dog. the brightest blue eyes and the softest coat. but what about these other dogs, you know?

i’m sorry for the rant. it just makes me upset when people jump to conclusions and think anywhere is better than a shelter. i promise you, the shelter is the next best place to surrender an animal. i applaud all the volunteers, workers, and vet techs who put their blood, sweat, and tears, into keeping these animals fed and safe.

adopt, don’t shop.

[paralien]

Stupid stupid ADHD vent that’s gonna be full of typoes bc I’m not going through this again once its written

But like, I just watched this ADHD TikTok that made me want to cry; not bc it was bad no no no no it was so fucking accurate that it actually made me str8 up upset and now I kinda feel like I wanna have a lil meltdown over it but that’s also just str8 up other stress that’s also piling up and getting worsened by the fact that that TikTok upset me but, but anyways.

She was like, talking and crying about the fact that like, so many people w/o adhd dont get that its not like a stupid lil haha I’m distracted diagnosis and that its a diagnosis bc it fucks up your life like with time blindness which is what she was talking abt as being her issue and its also my no 1 issue too. Bc like w her like, she’d lost her passport before Christmas and she knew that she and her family were gonna fly in may and she needed a passport and her family had been reminding her since she lost it but she hadn’t done it before like. Now she was freaking out bc it takes like 6-8 weeks for a passport to arrive and she didn’t have time and she was scrambling to figure out how to get it faster and get the appointments done and everything and all her family said was like, “you should have done this back when you first lost it instead of waiting until the last minute” like it was an act of laziness that kept her from not getting a new one and not like, time blindness and task paralysis that’s like. Legit serious fucking stuff that’s hard as hell to deal with.

And I like, felt myself get more and more upset along w her bc I’m always in trouble bc of my task paralysis/time blindness bc me getting stuff done on time is like, a 1/10 event, and people are always upset w me bc I either never arrive on time or get stuff on time which! Makes sense! I’m not saying they’re not allowed to be upset because they are if I’m delaying stuff. Shit doesn’t exist in a vacuum. But it’s like,

It’s kinda like how I’ve had ADHD my entire life, obv, but I didn’t get the diagnosis before I was 21 after having fought to get one for 3 years and I finally got it like, 2 months before I was done w vocational college (where I barely passed in any of my subjects, haha guess why) and like, now both my parents are pretty understandable of the fact that I can’t be on time for things, and whenever we do something where they pick me up/I gotta be there they always help me make sure we have a plan B in place (like if I have to catch a ferry) or if they’re picking me up they always say they’re gonna be here before they will bc they know now that no matter how hard I try I’m always gonna be probably 5-10 min delayed so we have a failsafe in place which. Nice. I’m 24. Glad we have that in place now (I am I am I am that they’re more understanding w me) but like, obv, I didn’t get the diagnosis before I wa already outta the house and in student accommodations and even after I got it it was a lot of trail and error etc but, what I’m trying to say is, that being a kid was hell because I never did anything on time, couldn’t do things, and obv they got frustrated with me (dad much more so than mom but, i digress) bc I was never ready when we were supposed to go places, never did my homework, never focused in school and like. I’m not old by any means but back when I was a kid it was still a common consensus that like, adhd was a boys thing and girls didn’t get it, so i just kept getting scolded and yelled at and other things for being lazy and and not caring abt anything and now like, my parents laugh abt it like wow you really did have adhd huh <3 like yeah!! I did!! No shit!!

And so like, not ONLY is the time blindness and executive dysfunction still there bc I was never taught how to cope w it properly, but I also get super stressed when I’m late for things and can’t do something bc I’m just waiting to get yelled at! Or hit! Bc i can’t do things! And I should be able to do them because I’m an adult, and I can do other things, and why the hell can’t you call people and pay your bills on time and book your appointments on time it just takes 5min and! I know it probably just takes 5min! But my brain is still stuck in how there’s just now, and not now. And everything that’s not now gets forgotten or put on hold, and with everything that’s now i stress myself to death to get it down probably way too late and have to reap the consequenses and it’s gonna be the same next time too! Because I know where the issue lies but how the hell do you fix things when the issue is your fucking brain structure? And then everyone says to put down memos and do timers as if that’s some magic trick. Like yeah great advice! I’ve tried it! AM ACTIVELY trying it! But how the HELL is that supposed to help me when I’m just rooted to the spot and physically cannot MOVE to do the thing I need to do before it’s pretty much too late and the stress kicks me outta the paralysis?

It’s HELL. It’s awful and terrible and makes me wanna cry almost constantly because I KNOW it’s a problem, but knowing it’s a problem doesn’t magically fix it! And I’m constantly TRYING to work on it but it feels like it doesn’t even matter because I’m still consistently min 5min late t o everything because i don’t process time properly and i forgot to try to change an appointment before it was too late and now i need to start driving at 3am on Thursday to get to a 10am appointment at a hospital 7hrs away from my apartment because I didn’t call them to change it 2 weeks ago because i physically couldn’t or bc the second i was reminded i immediately forgot before i could even write it down. And I’m having surgery on Friday and I haven’t gotten myself set up with a physical therapist yet because it’s felt like too much to go down and talk to them face to face to get it set up and now it’s too late and I have to do it tomorrow but I’m probably gonna forget! And i hate it! I hate that I always make people hurt and frustrated w me bc i can’t remember things or do things despite being an adult.

Bc like, I can do other things just fine! I do my dishes every day it’s no problem. I clean my apartment at least once a week so the clutter doesn’t pile up. I’m always 5min late to my job but once I’m there I work quick and consistently and my boss said she’d love to have me back for the summer before my online studies start if my leg gets well fast enough. My co-workers said they’d miss me. My friends say I’m funny and stylish and a good listener (once i learn to shut up for 2 seconds.)(they don’t say that. I think that. I know it’s an issue) I’m friendly and inclusive and I do my best to be enthusiastic abt the things people around me love, but I feel like it never shows that I’m trying or that I care bc I’m always late. And i never do things on time. And I’m forgetful and messy and i loose things.

… ADHD is scary, and frustrating and yeah sure it’s funny at times when you know me and you see me loose my phone 5 times in a row in the exact same spot. But, I hate knowing that people don’t think I care or don’t think I try when I’m trying so hard all the time but it’s never enough bc things never get done on time. I overthink even the simplest of tasks because the steps feel like too much and they never get done bc of it. 5min tasks will take me weeks. And I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying so hard. But I’m scared it doesn’t show and that scares me. I don’t know where I was going w this. I’m just stressed out.