#more trans dean winchester

[cas-coding]

If the drive to Stanford is hell, the look in Sam’s eyes when he sees Dean for the first time in years is worse. Dean knows he looks different, his cheekbones much more prominent and an Adam’s apple sitting under his chin. Sam nearly jumps when Dean speaks, stinging Dean to his core. He’d forgotten that this wasn’t what he used to sound like, that he had to pump himself full of testosterone each week, testosterone that he hadn’t managed to get any sooner than twenty-three.

That was long after Sam left.

The ride in the Impala is a quiet one, the tension between the brothers weighing them down. It wasn’t even about their dad or the hunt, it was about Dean. It was about how Dean’s chest is flat, how his voice is deep, how he actually looks like a Dean, how Jess had looked at Sam and said, “Oh, Sam, I didn’t know you had a brother too!”

Eventually, Dean caves, tired of Sam’s eyes on him. “Go ahead. Ask what you want to ask,” he spits, his hands tight on the wheel.

Sam sighs beside Dean, rolling his eyes before looking out the window. “What’s going on?”

“Dad’s missing, I thought I said that,” Dean replies, but that’s not what Sam’s talking about. He’s just gotta be sure before saying it all, making sure Sam actually wants to hear it, actually cares about Dean after all this time.

Snorting, Sam turns to look at Dean again. “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Now what’s going on with you? You’ve,” Sam pauses, searching for a word, “Changed since i left, so I have to ask: was it me?”

“No,” Dean admits, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of them. It falls silent again before Dean clears his throat, snapping, “We’re done now?”

He’s not one to talk about his feelings; he never was. He didn’t say anything to their dad other than asking him to call him Dean, and besides a few smacks upside the head for not looking like Mary anymore, their dad was okay about it. It was easier to drag a son around than a daughter, Dean supposed.

They never talked about it, though. Dean would get mistaken for a boy on a hunt or two and as soon as they’d finish ganking the bitch, they’d all pile into Baby and then Sam would get nosy, asking why Dean didn’t say anything about being called John’s son. “Cause,” Dean would say, “It doesn’t matter. We’ll never see them again anyway.” That was the most they ever talked about it, and maybe that’s why rage bubbles up inside Dean when Sam speaks again.

“Dean, we’re family. Tell me what’s going on with you. You know what I mean,” Sam pushes, his tone sharp. His eyes nearly burn a hole into the side of Dean’s head before Dean pulls the Impala off the road, looking over at his brother.

“What is there to say, Sammy?” Dean snaps, looking out his window before biting at his lip. He had opened up this conversation, for starters, so why was he so keen on shutting it down? It wasn’t the end of the world; it wasn’t close to the scariest thing Dean had ever done, not by a long shot, so why did he want to open the car door and run, get as far away as possible?

Sam sighs, a big heave of air, and then he’s tapping his foot, shaking the car. “I just want to know what I missed. If you don’t wanna talk about it, whatever. Fine by me, but I’d listen. Just for the record,” Sam mumbles, and despite his low volume, he’s genuine. He’d listen to as much as Dean has to say, all because he’s a good brother.

Swallowing thickly, Dean closes his eyes, resting his forehead against the cold glass of the driver’s side window. It takes him a minute to sort himself out, put the words in the right order, but then he’s speaking, his voice rough as he explains. “Not much to it, really, nothing you don’t already know. I’ve been Dean as long as I can remember, even back before Mom died. I just got the chance to look more like it a year or so after you left,” he says, vaguely gesturing with his hand, “Snagged some medication, pump myself full of it every Thursday, and then boom. Voice drops, stubble grows in, cheekbones get all handsome. Magic of modern medicine, hey?”

“I guess,” Sam replies, cut and dry, and part of Dean is itching to look over at his brother, gauge his reaction, but he can’t, afraid of what he might see in his brother’s face. Eventually, curiosity wins over, Dean shifting just a bit in his seat to pop one eye open and take a glance, getting an eyeful of nothing. Sam looked like Sam, just like he had ten minutes ago, just like he had ten years ago.

Sam clears his throat, letting out a chuckle. “You can look at me, Dean, I’m not gonna bite,” he laughs, and Dean snaps his head up, making eye contact with his brother. “It’s fine, really,” Sam reinforces, “It’s cool. You seem like, I don’t know,” Sam shrugs, “You.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Dean snorts, “Took a lot to ‘seem like me.’ Time, scars, money,” he laughs, “’Course, none of the money was mine, but David Johnson’s going to get a hell of a hospital bill for the whole,” Dean vaguely gestures to his chest, “This removal.”

Then it’s Sam’s turn to snort, letting out a string of laughter. “Yeah, how many hunts did you have to sit out waiting for that to heal?”

“Well, tore my stitches out twice, but I was back in the game within three days,” Dean says, practically puffing his chest out. He shouldn’t feel some sense of pride over the fact that he’d stitched his chest back together with dental floss, but it did make him sound ten times more badass than Sam ever was, and that makes him smile.

“Dude!” Sam shouts, a smile pulled tight across his face, “The, like, number one rule of the universe is don’t fuck with stitches? What did you do? You fucked with your stitches!”

They’re both overcome with laughter, struggling to pull in air as they laugh so hard tears come to their eyes, and then Dean knows. This is what brotherhood feels like, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

Linda Tran in A Little Slice of Kevin (8x07): Best of SPN Ladies [393/?]

[sammygender]

trans headcanons of the winchesters are always extremely fun to play around with and i can see most of them. but one that always rings slightly false to me, despite a love for it due to self-identification and the fact it’s definitely interesting, is transmasculine dean. simply because if you’re going according to canon this would require him to have transitioned at some point prior to johns death, probably much prior, probably as a youngish kid. and i genuinely do not think that ever could’ve happened. he values johns approval too much and is too scared of demanding too much of him.

like even aside from whether john is Actually transphobic (i doubt he’s like Cartoonishly transphobic he probably would be annoyed by it slash not care much, interpret ‘not caring’ however you want) just the whole Thing of coming out where you’re like. “Hey dad im actually a human person who has an internal sense of self and such that doesn’t happen to be You 2.0 and am not the gender you thought i was and i feel emotions to such an extent that i actually like need to transition”…….

no fucking way dean would ever be able to do that to john while he’s still alive. please. teenage transmasculine dean would be like Well yeah sure i want to be a guy but that’s not an option for me whatsofuckingever. and crucially he’d be like that even if he knew entirely about trans people. now this is why transfemme dean works so well. because you just know it would take her at least thirty years to even consider it for a singular second.

on the other hand transmasc sam works so well because you can picture teenage transmasculine sam realising he’s a boy and promptly making it part of the whole entirely justified and very cool and fun teen angst rebellion FUCK YOU DAD thing. he could let spite carry him to the point of coming out. dean? he is burying that shit deep.

[whatslostnfound]

can we pls talk abt kevin tran

i js adore his dynamic w sam n dean :(

like when dean tells kev hes family and he started crying fuck i cried too LIKE YES HES FAMILY U MAKE SURE HE KNOWS IT and theyre always asking each other if kevins ok, checking up on him, getting him food damn im gonna cry again

i especially adore how sam treats him bc sam's the little brother but not w kev he's a big brother hes kevins big fucking brother and GOD it fucking kills me bc i love it

also the pep talks they give him i js i fucking love kevin ok

when dean said they would die for him man i actually couldnt i still cant fuck

best thing abt spn is and always will be family. sam and dean, the brothers but also w the family they found along the way.

[bardicious]

Okay, maybe Ill change my mind on Charlie this episode, but so far, the side characters I've liked are: Amelia, her dad, Benny, and Garth. Kevin, his mom, and Charlie are on thin ice.

[rystiel]

i think it’s interesting to consider trans dean in relation to canon tbh. i mean john winchester is most definitely homophobic, but dean being trans would imply that he practices trans-inclusive toxic masculinity… like “you want to be a man, then act like one.” honestly i feel like he may be more inclined to let dean transition, because being a man in the field of hunting is something john probably views as beneficial

[gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat]

I used to think I didn’t like Kevin, I mean I love pretty much all regulars on spn (except Lucifer) but for some reason I never clicked with Kevin. I just realized he is the ONLY character that’s on the show a lot who acts like a normal human, he freaks out, his mental health goes completely bonkers about everything that’s happening and he has a very hard time settling into this being his life now. I think all of us would react the same way, however I prefer characters like Dean or Cas that are strong, who take what’s thrown at them and who make the most of what they got. Who care more about doing the right thing than about their own safety, kinda like Charlie when she learned about Leviathans.

So the reason I didn’t like Kevin was that he was too much like me and that he was one of the fee characters who wasn’t all strong and made me feel safe. (Also maybe the whole overachiever study crap, I hated school & uni so I really can’t relate haha).

But I’m rewatching season 7 rn and I totally forgot Kevin had a badass phase and I LOVE how badass he is there! I kinda wish he’d stayed like that. But then again it’s also kinda fun to see the difference between the heroes of the show and the reaction of a normal person getting thrown into their world.

[cas-coding]

He’s seven when it hits him.

Sam’s pulling at Dean’s pigtails, his new favorite pastime as Dean makes dinner, just a quick box of stovetop mac and cheese for them tonight. Their dad was supposed to be home hours ago, but Dean had learned quickly that John didn’t care about getting home on time, not when he could make a quick detour to the liquor store.

“Deanna!” Sam screams playfully, pulling on a fistful of Dean’s hair, “Deanna, I’m hungry!” The words sting, but Dean’s not really sure why, why he’s been so much angrier at Sam since he picked up the habit of mockingly calling him Deanna, using his full name rather than the cute ‘Dee’ he used to call him.

Ignoring it, Dean sets a bowlful of mac and cheese in front of his little brother, praying it will buy him time as he slips into the bathroom. The door clicks shut softly and Dean’s breathing picks up, heaving in lungful after lungful of air as he looks at himself in the mirror.

He’s got pigtails in his hair, little pink elastics holding the two clumps of hair on top of his head, the bottoms of the pigtails still brushing against his shoulders as he turns his head. His hair is blonde, just like his mom, but he looks in the mirror and he hates it, hates to see a juvenile reflection of his own mother staring back at him.

Walking away from the mirror, Dean sighs and sits down on top of the toilet lid, pretending for one minute that he’s not in some scummy motel room, but that he’s home, that he’s just brushing his teeth before his mom will come tuck him into bed. What would he do then?

His hands find the hem of the skirt he’s wearing, frayed from a year of constant wear. It was easier to have him in skirts all the time, Dean knew that, he was growing so fast that pants wouldn’t fit for more than a couple months. Dad was saving money with Dean, refusing to buy him a solid pair of jeans, but he bought Sam new pants every other month, so why was Dean any different?

Then Dean is tearing at the fabric, ripping a long slit in the skirt before finding another place along the hem and doing the same. This isn’t who he is, it never was, so why is his dad trying to make him something he’s not?

Back when his mom was still alive, when she’d tuck him in at night, she’d press a kiss to his forehead and tell him he was loved. She’d say, “I love you, Deanna. Sleep tight,” and close the door, nightlight flickering away in the corner. He hadn’t had an issue with his name then. He’d wake up in the morning and put on jeans and a t-shirt, run around the neighborhood, climb trees in the backyard. He’d come inside for a PB&J sandwich and his mom would press a kiss to his forehead, muttering softly, “My little tomboy,” before tending to Sam, whispering in turn to him, “My baby boy.” Why didn’t Dean ever get to be his mom’s baby boy?

Soon enough, Dean’s down on his hands and knees, frantically shuffling through the cabinet under the sink, hands digging through his father’s duffel bag. There had to be something there, anything Dean could use. His fingers brush against his dad’s electric shaving razor, grabbing at it as fast as he can.

Dean’s hair falls to the ground in clumps. First the ponytails, the little pink elastic still wrapped around the hair as it sits on the dirty tile floor, then little hairs as Dean runs the electric razor back and forth over his head. Looking in the mirror, a part of him hurts, the last bit of his mother lying on the floor with Dean’s hair, but something inside of him sings despite that hurt; he feels like he’s finally himself.

Sam’s still stuffing his face full of macaroni and cheese when Dean emerges from the bathroom, ignoring his brother to run to their shared room. His hands shuffle around under the bed before he grabs hold of Sam’s travel bag and pulls it into the light. He unzips it carefully, as if it holds some kind of treasure, because it does. Sam’s got two extra pair of jeans, and they’d be short and tight, but Dean could make them fit; he’d just have to steal some of his own sometime, maybe tomorrow if their dad still wasn’t back.

Dean feels like he can’t breathe in Sam’s little jeans, the bottom of them squeezing around his calf, but Sam says nothing as Dean walks back into the kitchen and takes a bowl of mac and cheese for himself. It’s not until they’re both finished with their dinner that Sam speaks at all, pushing his bowl towards Dean and smiling. “All done,” he says, barely taking a breath before adding, “Where’d your pigtails go?”

Swallowing thickly, Dean stands up, taking Sam’s bowl and ignoring the question. He didn’t know how to explain that he hated it, that every time his little brother pulled at his hair he wished he would pull it right off, and so he explains nothing.

“Deanna,” Sam giggles, his happiness contrasting Dean’s disgust, “Why’d you get rid of your pigtails?” God, the kid won’t just drop it, will he?

“Dean,” he snaps, all the anger leaving his body at once, “I’m Dean, Sammy, or at the very least, Dee. Not Deanna.”

The room instantly falls silent and Dean turns to look at Sam, worried he’s going to cry. Dean wasn’t supposed to snap at Sam like that, they both already got enough of it from their dad. Instead of tears, there’s curiosity welling in Sam’s eyes, his head tilted as he repeats it. “Dean,” he says, slowly at first, “Dean, why’d you get rid of your pigtails?”

That question again. Sam was fixated on it, clearly, because what was he supposed to pull on and play with now? The kid loved pulling Dean’s hair, and now that it was short, he wouldn’t be able to. “I didn’t like them,” is the best response Dean can come up with, the selfishness of it sinking into his bones. His brother liked his pigtails, and who was Dean to take that away from Sam?

Giggles snap Dean out of his own head, Sam beaming at Dean as he tries to climb the counter beside him. “Wanna feel your hair,” he explains, and then Dean’s bending down, letting Sam run his hands through Dean’s short cut, smiling as Sam drags his hand across it and laughs. “It’s pokey,” he explains, and Dean runs his own hand through his hair, letting a smile show on his face. “You’re pokey,” Sam adds, and Dean’s almost offended before Sam continues and says, “I like it.”

[sastielsfandom]

Ave’s Happy Hollandween’s Challenge 

This is my attempt to post every day in October. I usually shy away from such a huge challenge making excuses, but this year I figured I’d give it a shot. I did look for a writing challenge to follow but didn’t find anything that intrigued me. I threw together a bunch of prompts and went from there, I hope you enjoy these little one-shots! 

Below are the first week's titles. Some are more obvious than others on what they may entail. 

Week 1:

Treats In The Making

My Babysitter's Kevin Freaking Solo

Dinner And A Show

Blending In

Jumping To Cloud Nine

Guinea Pig

Three And A Half Men

I can’t wait for you all to read them, I’ve been having a lot of fun with this challenge so far. I made sure to include ships I don’t give enough love to as well as characters. Starting strong with Saileen on day one.

All these stories will be on here under the hashtag #happy-hollandween and on AO3 under the series Happy Hollandween. 

For anyone that wants to be tagged in these stories, please leave a comment, reblog, or ask and I'll add you to the taglist. You can always be removed if you want as well!

[loverboyinthekitchen]

i would just like to say that the boygenius self-titled ep is most of who dean winchester is

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Screaming with excitement right now

Crowley in season 8x07 was willing to knife fight Castiel. That was when he assumed Cas’ was too weak to use the full smite of his angel powers

I love it, because Crowley does not underestimate Cas in anyway. Crowley has always had a healthy appreciation for Cas’ abilities, so Crowley is more than aware of how BAMF Cas is at knife to knife fighting. Yet Crowley believed he had a chance, which shows that Crowley is pretty BAMF himself

I won’t lie, I think Cas would win in a “fight until one is knocked out” type situation. Cas is millions of years old and a soldier, it is highly unlikely Crowley would be better than him, and I just “yeah sure lol” whenever Dean is made to be more skilled than Cas? like what are the directors smoking? Dean is skilled but he doesn’t have millions of years of experience. Or if Cas only began fighting when humans were created, then thousands of years

But do I think Crowley could have put up a good enough fight, with his cunning, to stun Cas for just long enough to teleport away with Kevin and the tablet?

The answer is yes. It takes 7 milliseconds to snap your fingers. He needs to use cunning long enough to have that 7 milliseconds. Don’t get me wrong Cas would absolutely kick Crowley’s arse in any fight, even a non power fight where it’s just melee vs melee but I do think Crowley has enough skill to buy himself 7 milliseconds and that is an incredible feat, because Cas has way more experience even if he didn’t have powers, which he did

So why didn’t Crowley teleport with Kevin and the tablet while Cas was doing his light show? We know from 7x23 that Crowley doesn’t need to touch an item or people to teleport them

The answer I believe is this:

originally Crowley thought Cas didn’t have enough powers. The light show made him think okay maybe I was wrong. Originally he thought he just needed to stun Cas long enough to get him, the tablet and Kevin out and Cas wouldn’t be able to follow because he wasn’t in good shape

Cas was able to bluff well enough to make Crowley believe he was fine and if we remember from 5x10 Cas can follow Crowley’s teleportation energy like how he followed Crowley to his house, even though Crowley teleported before him 

So if you already know the angel can follow your teleportation signature, and you guess that they still have some power left in them to follow you, what would be the point? Fold your cards and try again. You can risk teleporting away, but if the angel follows you they might not give you an advantage of warning you with a light show next time

[feelingthedisaster]

nothing worse than posting a banger and getting a bunch of notifications, only for them to be abour every single post you ever made, except the banger (who is still at fucking 0 notes)

[rottencaniness]

yeah Dean Winchester is a lesbian. Yeah she also flirts with guys to get information. She calls it “having survival skills”. And yeah she tells Sam he’d never have her charm. He’s bisexual.

[transmascsam]

ummmm. thinking about sam starting T in s2 or 3 and dean teaching him to shave. sam's nervous and a little embarrassed about learning something like 10 years late but dean understands and doesn't crack (too many) jokes at sam's expense. that's why dean gave him the shaving cream for christmas it was a congratulations for learning to do it himself