#more often than not actually
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Today's tidbit of Manda's Unto Daylight Notes and Other Such Things:
"Oh, not at all, I'm just Aideen"
#deilight#squirrel punt#Hello I am outlining actions and happenings in Arc 3 of Part 2#Instead of#I don't fucking know#Storyboarding the second draft of arc 5 part 1#or writing summaries of arc 2 part 2 which is what I was gonna do#Now I'm instead writing summaries of the arc that lowkey made me go ahead with a part 2 to begin with#Which is to say Anne is having a terrible time#I'm having a fun ass time personally#Also yes this line is fully quoted#Just translated#Cause sometimes my notes are in Swedish#More often than not actually
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like âi'm about to tear this commenter in twainâ and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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Thank you. I was afraid of saying this myself.
let me be clear: I do not support Wilbur Soot or his actions, and neither does OP. Any internal struggles he has do not give him excuses or earn him any sympathy. Abuse is abuse.
Abuse is also often a choiceâ or rather, the choice NOT to choose to get help, try to improve, or at the very least avoid relationships you know you canât maintain in a healthy manner. As someone who sees much of themselves in Shubbleâs descriptions of her abuser (althoughâ not to that extent), I hope that Wilbur genuinely makes that choice, and soon. I agree that he must be deplatformed, though. There are no exceptions to the consequences.
edit: this is not sympathizing with an abuser (if you think that acknowledging how issues, mental health or not, can influenceâ not excuse!!!!!!!!!â someoneâs behavior is automatically sympathizing/excusing/making light of their actions, you need to do some introspection. Maybe make sure that you donât subconsciously believe that suffering is valid repentance or some religious stuff like that), NOR is it turning attention away from the victim/Shubbleâ this is a serious issue with how people deal with the idea of abuse. These golden points in the tags explain it well:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9366f21117cdc0c92377b0bd8a5d552e/2bbd754f64fe30da-32/s540x810/ed28f6625f3eff97a0edacccb5a82bae556b6f28.jpg)
âExcellent way to ignore bad behaviorâ
Someone being abused is often close to whoever is abusing them. They are fully aware of the personâs nuances and âgood sidesâ, and may even understand why they act the way they do. If their only mental image of an abuser is one of an irredeemable monster, they will never be able to understand that they are being abused because they see the perpetrator as human. â[X] isnât abusive.â The victim may say. âThey may be a little toxic, but they feel bad about what theyâre doing and have their own problems going on. They have their reasons. It isnât their fault.â Same goes for the abuser/any toxic personâ they wonât be able to recognize that they need to change. They are DEFINITELY aware of their own nuances. âI canât be abusive.â They may say. âI do things that Iâm not proud of, but Iâm no monster. I donât like what Iâm doing. I want to get better (maybe). Itâs okay for this to continue.â
@phoenix-ish-blog (tagging you because I used your comments. If you donât approve I can remove it)
I feel like this is probably an unpopular opinion (thatâs why Iâm posting here and not on twitter) but I just wanna know if anyone else feels this way.
Obviously, I think Wilbur is the one Shelby is talking about, and as someone who was also abused, I feel stronger hearing her story. I hope sheâs able to find peace soon.
Maybe Iâm just an overly optimistic person, but I think Wilbur needs help. A lot of it. And I think, probably not a popular idea, that even though heâs a piece of shit in this situation, that he deserves it.
Iâm an overly trusting person by nature. Obviously I wasnât there when any of this happened. I am just a stranger on the internet. I donât know what went on, I didnât see anything happen. However, I think I want Wilbur to get better and I think he can.
He needs to be deplatformed. At least until he has PUBLICLY apologized to Shelby, and is showing to his friends (not us, the audience, not only Shelby, EVERYONE HE KNOWS PERSONALLY) that he is making an effort to never treat another person like that again. But I think, and please donât come with your pitchforks for me, the person Wilbur abuses the most is himself.
He clearly has other problems that are not making him a good person. Mental health is not a excuse for poor behavior. However, it is an explanation. Your mental health issues and trauma are not your fault, however, managing both those things are unfortunately YOUR responsibility. They are HIS Responsibility to fix and manage, not Shelbyâs, not Philâs, not James, NO ONE BUT HIM.
Call me stupid, or crazy, or whatever, but I firmly believe in the idea of (almost) every human being capable of change. I have siblings who used to treat me terribly, who are much older than me, and I was hurt by them. But as I grew, I saw them realize just how terrible they treated me. They changed their behavior, and apologized to me many many times. They showed me people can wake up and change their lives around. And, whether or not Wilbur comes back to content creation, I hope he gets the help he so clearly needs.
Shelby owes him nothing. His fan base owes him nothing. His friends owe him nothing. Wilbur owes them everything. Shelby deserves to hold back her forgiveness when it so clearly isnât deserved. She should never forgive him if she doesnât want to. Thatâs her right.
Maybe I believe in people too much. But I truly hope he changes. Not only for his friends, family, and loved ones, but for his own sake. Heâs going to end up dead if he continues this way, and I believe no one deserves to die. (Iâm not even for the death penalty. Let them sit and suffer forever).
Anyway, get some rest all, drink some water, and remember that the world becoming a better place starts with you. Treat people the way you wanna be treated. đ
#I have been the toxic friend#more often than not actually#So Iâve made the choice to avoid getting into relationships or progressing relationships into stages that I know I canât handle#Also therapy soon probably#once Iâm no longer swamped by work
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I made @wolfythewitch 's fox Bill design out of polymer clay
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/969db055d9abc820ac673f59b1c26bcf/5a1f5418d02638e1-7c/s540x810/d81ea0151361327ca0a0e5bfe6d8833d2052ce43.jpg)
It's pretty thin (so thin I'm afraid it'll snap in half anytime I lift it)
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Front and back side:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ed87af2561eb7322104a9dd884d49848/5a1f5418d02638e1-12/s540x810/e0088643ee9a24e30bdaaaebcba016d46d71c67e.jpg)
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#I love crafting stuff but it's more time consuming than drawing (and less satisfying to me) so I don't do it as often#this would make a pretty cool pin. too bad it's so fragile#this is useless btw. I'm afraid it's break even if I store it somewhere#but at least I had fun making it#like an idiot I decided it would be better if I used only yellow and painted the details after baking it#fast forward-> me trying to paint it with a permanent black marker and a white gel pen that's definitely not for that job#this design will forever be imprinted in my brain as the best fanmade bill design actually#gravity falls#gravity fowls#bill cipher#arts n crafts#polymer clay#don't look at my ugly fingers#this is obviously not actual folded like an origami. I just cut the pieces I needed (the body is one piece folded in half tho)#btw I used the oven just to bake this. rip the environment
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new holiday pfp!!
#stobin#platonic stobin#stranger things#robin buckley#steve harrington#platonic with a capital p#dtus art#the cookies would NOT come out that neat#it was just easier to draw than a pile of frosting and gingerbread crumbles lmaooooo#also look at meeee finally using references for their faces again. i feel so much better looking at them and actually recognizing them#n e ways i miss tumblr </3#i need to come back here more often instead of trying to fill up my bsky page
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Out of sight, out of - wait.
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#granny wen#a-yuan#It's always fascinating how colours translate from the page to the screen.#It would probably surprise a lot of people to see what some of these comics actually look like in physical form.#My lighter colours takes about 3-4 washes before it shows up on scan which means it tends to ripple the page.#And my yellows and oranges are drastically different colours when scanned compared to the ink colour.#There's about 20 or so comics where everyone's hair is purple - because it scanned in the exact same colour as my light grey.#Wait my book is right here in front of me so I can...yeah...Comics 57-77 were indeed purple.#This is all to say - is it not fascinating how what we see is often not the full truth of what the subject truly is?#Is it not fascinating to open another episode that reminds us that despite everyone's claims they could totally spot the evil YLLZ-#-The man walks around among them for months as no more than a man haggling for deals like the rest.#It's almost as if he's just a person. It's almost as if none of us - no matter what we do are really anything more than just a person.#Your good acts will be overtaken by how other's interpret you in negative light.#Just as easily are people willing to forgive crueler actions if they hold you in high esteem.#But what's real? Is the page I hold the real version of this comic? Is it the one you look at?#Is the man known as Wuxian the most himself when he is alone or on the battlefield?#Perhaps he is and has always been a scared orphan boy lost in the market.#I think there is no good answer to any of these questions.#But I do know that panic rising in WWX as he frantically looks for A-yuan was for more than one boy.#To be human is to have layers around a delicate center. We only really grow around our wounds from childhood.#In other words; Donkey from Shrek would also probably call Wei Wuxian an onion. I'll see myself out now.
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Your call
#milgram#milgram spoilers#kind of?#mahiru shiina#haruka sakurai#shidou kirisaki#wow this took a while#fun fact: The Caduceus (two snakes instead of one)#the staff that appears with shidou in his cake birthday art#is more related to commerce; a silver tongue and gentle death than it is to medicine#though it often gets confused with the actual symbol of medicine; the Rod of Asclepius#there's even an exerpt on the wiki page of the Caduceus that talks about how it would be more fitting to see it on the side of a hearse tha#on the car of a physician#now this could easily be a mistake but it fits with Shidous everything so well that I choose to believe it's on purpose haha#but enough of that#chesh art#001#005#006
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c711f970b7bd24b72f7ff20b1763d7f8/bb783caae87216e0-c7/s540x810/e64de0d4574955055ea1d551f9291a631e2c0bf0.jpg)
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Homesick
#okay so the scenario here is that sheâs visiting the coast of Enbarr in Duke Gerthâs territory#I think where sheâd usually be in Duchy Gerth wouldnât be on the coast#itâs hard to tell on the canon map but this coastal area would be like former Nuvelle territory#so Duke Gerth would probably live in a more central location#and Petra really loves the ocean and swimming#so sheâd obviously want to go to the coast as often as she could#and the direction is a little off but sheâs supposed to be looking south west towards Brigid#but yeah I think it would be very bittersweet for her to visit the coast some days#also she ended up looking older than I planned so maybe this is around the time she goes to Garreg Mach? idk#my art#petra macneary#fe3h#fire emblem three houses#okay actually I think some Gerth territory is on the coast but#I think Duke Gerth is probably in a central location regardless
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breaking the sign in two by how hard im tapping it
#im putting the word queerbait in a very tall box on a very tall shelf and none of you get it back until you actually learn the definition#sjonnies edits#queerbait#queer media#queer#queer issues#there are real queerbaits! a lot of them! but i am SO sick and tired of everything that's not explicitly stated be called queerbait#or when the focus in an action movie is not the full romance#would the hero and the girl have kissed in a straight action movie? sure. but even now more often than not that doesn't happen or the focus#is different entirely#the world doesn't change overnight. but you know what helps changing it? watching the media that's implying it! NORMALISING THAT MEDIA!#showing the studios that it isn't popularity suicide. encouraging actors to diversify and give them the respect they need without turning#every conversation an actor playing a queer character into what their sexuality is!#venom#deadpool and wolverine#loki#911#<- which. btw. fucking INSANE thing to say#also queer characters CANNOT be used for queerbait#QUEER CHARACTERS CANNOT BE USED FOR QUEERBAIT#they can be buried! but they CANNOT be used for queerbait because they. are. queer.
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I've been brewing this post for far too long in my drafts, but I need more doomed!Bruce and Jason throughout universes. And it is not even always about the same Jaybin, dying in the warehouse scenarios!
Sometimes Jason is just a kid, who died in front of Batman, who maybe jumped in between Batman and the villain recklessly, to keep him safe, and whose blood stuck under Bruce's nails. His face haunts him in nightmares, still.
In other realities, Bruce meets Jason as a teen, and they never even get to become father and son officially - but they slowly get into each other's lives, until something awful happens, leaving a ghost of a smirking kid stroll behind Bruce's hunched figure for the rest of his life.
Or maybe it is one of these realities, where Jason crawls out of the Alley Crime himself, and manages to become famous in Gotham; the one, where he opens a charity fond, dedicated to people, who fight with the drug addiction. Bruce Wayne is sympathetic of a kid he meets during some of the events, and as they slowly start contacting each other more often, getting closer, he promises himself to protect him. Expect, Batman is late to save Jason Todd from the hands of yet another villain.
It could be the priest Jason Todd that meets bleeding out Batman on the stairs of the church, and who helps him out, for what he later pays with his life. Or they are not really vigilantes in any of these universes - just father and son.
And in some of these universes, they reconcile. In one of them, some of the medics connect the dots that a catatonic boy, who is covered in dirt, calling for his dad, for Bruce is Bruce's Wayne dead son, and try calling him. In another, LoA!Jason with his memory still being in a haze, crosses his path with Batman, before getting dipped in the Lazarus Pit.
But the point stands.
In all of them, Bruce Wayne is too late. In all of them, Bruce Wayne fails to save Jason Todd.
#i actually have a specific scenario in my head#basically early 20tish Jason who works as a bartender in Alley Crime#and Bruce (still Batman) who never picked up anyone after Dick#but his relationship with Dick is still strained#they try to mend things but more often than not they can't find a common ground#Bruce once visits this bar where Jason works too tired and mourning his parents that day and Jason amuses him#Jason not instantly understands Bruce is Wayne until he leaves him tips higher than 1k dollars lol#Bruce starts visit more#Jason shares his lore a little - he was picked up by the owner of the bar as a kid#they talk about books and about the fact that Jason saves money for college#Bruce helps him out ofc#he invites him to meet Alfred and Dick#everything is okay#and then... Joker happens#he takes Jason as a hostage bc he figures out that Batman knows the boy#Jason atp knows that Bruce is Batman but never confronts him about it#this time Batman comes in time#Jason tries to kill Joker but Batman stops him#so Jason doesn't kill him#they hug#and when they hug Joker shots Jason#of course Batman blames himself lmao#he might or might not fail to keep himself in check and kills Joker after this#but he instantly leaves his cowl behind because he can't allow himself to live with what happened#if you want a happy ending red hood can return in the same manner as in canon but without beefing bruce ofc#jason todd#bruce wayne#red hood#batman
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#there is twitter discourse happening.#poll#to be fair the discourse in part appears to be a misunderstanding#of the correlation between how often u wash linens/clothes and how often u change them#because. apparently to some people having more than one set of sheets is unimaginable?????#thats not the question here though#this may vary based on the season? or any other reason#i thought my answer was pretty reasonable but there are ppl on twitter that r like#if ur not doing it every week ur nasty. and genuinely.... u think im gonna go thru the effort#of changing it every fucking week.......#genuinely not here to judge i think theres a lot of factors into when u change sheets#but i refuse to believe people are Actually doing it every week. i want to know the circumstances#i guess if u r sweaty or the weather is really bad or ur fucking every night idk.
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đźTotally Spiesđź new season in year of 2025??? here we go???
#totally spies#totally spies sam#totally spies clover#totally spies alex#im sorry but im so freaking flabbergasted because TS??? AIRING A SOFT REBOOT/SEASON 7 IN 2024/25???? HUUUUH???#literally stumbled on this last night while scrolling thru some youtube shorts and i was so surprised its all i could think of today#listen TS has its share of problematic stuff (like wow it does) but i cant deny how often i watched this show whenever it came on tv#new artstyle is kind of 50/50 to me personally tbh i like the 'more' personality in their hairstyles but i think they are suffering from#same face syndrom even more than older style (like there always were a noticable difference between clover's and alex's eye shape)#tho admittedly all i judged were the promo images i havent actually watched season 7 yet lol#almost afraid to
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canât study for my test because iâm having brain rot about neil accidentally getting super drunk and stumbling up to aaron like âandrew???â and aaron is like âwrong oneâ and neil is like âandrew.â and aaron is like â???? are you stupidâ and neil goes to look for andrew but he stumbles into the table, and aaron has to catch him or he will get trampled for fucks sake, and neil just collapses into him in a drunk cuddly heap. and aaron is like âneil. you need to stand upâ and neil is like âi amâ and aaron is like âthatâs because iâm holding you upâ and they get neil to stand but neil kinda just flops into aaronâs arms again. and neil is like âi donât hate you, i donât, but itâs okay if you hate meâ and aaron is like âugh, ew are you really an emotional drunk???â and neil, to aaronâs horror, looks at him with tears in his eyes because you know when youâre too drunk and you kind of just get a little scared and you need help???? ya. and aaron is like ⌠ok. and kinda holds neil until andrew comes back from the bar with more drinks. and he sees neil basically asleep on aaronâs shoulder, and aaron looking uncomfortable but accepting, so he kinda raises an eyebrow, an okay? and aaron nods and is just patting neil on his back
and tomorrow theyâll wake up and neil will toddle downstairs with his hand against his temple and aaron will have advil ready for him, and heâll say âyouâre annoying and you donât know when to shut your mouth or mind your own business, but i donât hate youâ and the thank you for helping repair my relationship with my brother and thank you for testifying and thank you for staying goes unsaid but yeah
and thatâs how aaron and neil became kind of friends
edit: vomited out a one shot for yâall (this will prob become a 5+1)
Aaron swirled his drink a few times, listening to the ice clacking against the glass.
Edenâs was packed tonight, courtesy of it being the end of the school year. College students and the regular patrons flocked to the bar, the dance floor, and all of the tables, leaving Aaron to reserve a high-top table, and his legs to dangle from the stool.
âDrew?â
Aaron ignored him in favor of the twinkling sound the ice makes in his glass. Heâd already taken shots, danced, had another drink, danced again, and now Aaronâs body was heavy with alcohol and exhaustion.
âDrew,â Neil said again.
Aaron looked around their table and didnât see Andrew. He remembered Andrew getting up and walking to the bar with their empty tray. Aaron found him a few seconds later, hands in his pockets at the bar. That and Neil, staring up at him, looking uneasy.
Before Aaron could tell Neil to get out of his face, Neil was speaking.
âAre youânt having fun?â Neil frowned, blinking sleepy, hooded eyes at him. He leaned closer to study Aaronâs face.
âWhat are you doing?â Aaron grumbled, pushing Neilâs face away.
Aaron hadnât even pushed him hard, he more removed Neil from his space rather than pushed him, but Neil wobbled like his world had tilted out of orbit. Aaron realized, quickly, that Neil was going to fall backwards. He grabbed two fistfuls of Neilâs shirt and pulled him forwards. Neilâs head lulled on his shoulders with the force, his chin hitting his chest then righting itself.
Aaronâs stomach lurched, sick with the thought that someone had put something in one of Neilâs drinks, as he would for anyone, but thankfully heâs never been put in that situation. Neilâs eyes were hooded, his face flushed. Aaron snapped once at Neilâs ear, and Neil recoiled immediately.
âDoes your head hurt or anything?â Aaron asked. Neil shook his head, frowning.
âAre you dizzy? Follow my finger.â Aaron pushes Neil back so he can see his face, keeping one hand on Neilâs shoulder to hold him up. Neil follows Aaronâs finger as it moves back and forth, albeit a little labored, but not as if heâd been roofied. Aaron declares that Neilâs reaction times and responses are fine, but he still pulls the front of his shirt up and checks his belt, the button of his pants.
âWhatâ?â Neil slapped a hand on his abdomen, stopping his shirt from being lifted any higher. Aaron didnât need to see anything but his pants, but it was reassuring that Neil still had inhibitions.
His clothes were fine. His belt was still done, zipper up. No one had tried anything. Aaron relaxed.
âSorry,â Aaron said. âSorry, I just needed toâŚâ
While racking his mind back to why Neil is this drunk, Aaron remembered Neil taking shots with Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. Four shots. Heâd seen Neil sip on another drink like the idiot had the tolerance for alcohol that the rest of them had.
âYouâre a fucking idiot,â Aaron said and released Neil. Neil attempted to step back, his hands raised in surrender.
âNo?â Neil asked warily. Even drunk as fuck, he still respected boundaries. Andrewâs boundaries specifically, as it still hadnât registered that he wasnât talking to the right twin.
âIâm not Andrew,â Aaron said.
âWhereâs Andrew?â Neil asked, turning his head pathetically in search. Aaron only had a good view of Andrew because they were seated at a high-top. Over the throng of taller people coupled with strobing lights, Neilâs view was obstructed.
âAt the bar,â Aaron nodded in that direction.
Neil turned towards the bar. Well, he attempted to. He pivoted, lost his balance, and toppled into the table. He tried to right himself and started to fall to the other side. Aaron caught Neil before he could bust his shit and get trampled.
âJesus Christ, Josten,â Aaron spat, righting Neil with hands on his biceps. Neil slapped a hand on the table and leaned his weight on it. The table quaked under such abuse, but held.
Neil turned slowly, grappling against the table as if he was standing in one of those spinning fair rides. In his excursion to simply spin 180°, his hand slipped off the edge of the table as he faced Aaron once again. He reached for the table, missed, reached for it again, missed, said, âMotherfucker,â under his breath, and finally gripped onto the edge. His eyes locked on Aaronâs again, and Neilâs useless hand landed on Aaronâs shoulder.
âAndrew,â Neil said. Aaron didnât know if it was more a request or if it was just not registering.
âWrong,â Aaron said, tense under Neilâs hand, but he didnât push him off. Heâd rather hold Neil up than peel him off the floor. âAaron.â
ââm very drunk,â Neil said, looking up pleadingly at Aaron as if he had a magical cure to shitfacedness, and all Neil had to do for it was look a little scared. âIâm sorry.â
âWhy?â Aaron asked.
âIâm drunk.â
Aaron snorted. âThatâs kind of the point when youâre at a bar.â
âBut,â Neil said, taking a labored breath, âIâmâŚtoo drunk.â
This was beginning to feel exceedingly similar to speaking to a child. Aaron was annoyed, but not completely heartless, unlike the narrative of Aaron Neil had likely concocted. âItâs okay, Neil,â Aaron said. âYou should sit down.â
Neil promptly sat as if there was a chair under him, but there was not. Aaron, still holding Neil vertical, got pulled out of his chair with the momentum. To avoid toppling to the groundâwhich did not get mopped as often as it shouldâAaron planted his feet on the floor and hauled Neil up by his armpits.
âHelp,â Neil murmured. His arms dropped to his sides as he yielded his dead weight to Aaron.
âStand up,â Aaron grunted, readjusting to wrap an arm around Neilâs back. One of Neilâs arms flopped over Aaronâs shoulder.
âI am,â Neil complained.
âNo, you are not.â
âI am.â
âNeil,â Aaron said through clenched teeth, âI am holding you up. You need to lock your knees.â
âOh,â Neil said. He looked at his feet as if he needed to check they were on the ground.
To be fair, Neil did lock his knees, but he also leaned all of his upper body on Aaron, arms still hanging limply at his sides. He tucked his head into Aaronâs neck with, what seemed, every intention to make a home there for the night.
âNeil,â Aaron said, frozen against the hair tickling his cheek. âGod dammit.â
âAndâŚron,â Neil spoke against his shoulder.
âYes,â Aaron said sarcastically. âThatâs me.â
âCan I jâstay here?â Neil slurred.
From what Aaron had seen of Neilâs dynamic with his brother, he knew Neil would get off if he said no. He could place Neil into a stool or pull up a chair with a back so he wouldnât fall out and concuss himself. He could shove Neil off and make him fend for himself. He could pawn him off to Andrew.
At the moment, those other options seemed like far too much work.
That, or maybe it was the med student in him, the intrinsic urge to heal and help and nurture that smarted at the thought of pushing Neil off.
Aaron didnât push him off when Neil readjusted and tucked an arm into his chest, the other gripping Aaron for stability. He didnât when Neil asked again, a quiet, âAaron.â
âOkay,â Aaron conceded. He rubbed a hand up and down Neilâs back placatingly, but also because Neil seemed like he needed it. And he came to Aaron for it. Well, he came to Andrew and got Aaron. But he didnât push Aaron off, and Aaron hasnât done the same.
And they justâŚstood like that. For what seemed like a long time, but it probably was only a few minutes before Neil spoke again.
âAaron,â Neil said.
Aaron hummed in response.
âI donâ hate you.â
âWhat?â Aaron asked. âWhat the fuck are you talking about, Neil?â
âI donât hate you.â
âWhat?â Aaron said again.
âI donâwanna fight.â Neil lets out a colossal breath.
âWe havenât fought in a long time,â Aaron says, his idea of agreement. Acceptance.
Neil was quiet, because it was true. Neil seemed content to lay in Aaronâs arms, and Aaron didnât have another stool next to him. He sure as shit wasnât giving his up for Neil, but Neil was genuinely so unsteady on his feet that Aaron couldnât let him go.
He trembled a bit, and Aaron was almost amused that after everything Neil had been through, being a little too drunk is what finally did it for him.
But Aaron had felt that way before. Inebriated and scared in a crowded room of strangers. Neil, however, has people he knows. How can Aaron be upset at Neil for wanting the comfort that he also craved? How can he be upset that Neil feels safe enough with Andrew to ask for help? That his brother finally feels safe with someone too?
âAaron,â Neil said.
âWhat,â Aaron said.
âItâs okay if you hate me.â
âOh God,â Aaron groaned, âEw. Are you really an emotional drunk?â
Neil pulled back and, to Aaronâs horror, there were actual tears in his eyes. His lip trembled as he bit it, holding the tears in. Aaron hated how much of himself he was seeing in Neil tonight. The harrowing fact that maybe they are quite similar.
âOh God,â Aaron said again, mortified. He grabbed the back of Neilâs head and shoved it back into his shoulder, effectively hiding Neilâs teary face.
He cast a desperate look to Andrew, who was finally on his way back to the table. He patted Neil on the shoulder, like one would burp a baby when they have no idea how to do so.
âAndrew.â
Andrew didnât need prompting to look. His eyes were trained on Neil and Aaron from the moment he turned around. By the nonchalance of his movements and his lack of alarm, Aaron guessed he had been watching their interaction.
Andrew set the tray down on the table and cast a significant look between them, settling on Neilâs intoxicated form keeled over on Aaronâs shoulder.
Andrew raises one eyebrow, a silent question, an okay?
Aaron finds himself nodding, and unsure why. All he knows right now, a few drinks in, is that he doesnât hate this. And he doesnât hate that Neil doesnât hate him.
-
The smell of coffee set Neilâs feet moving like a Pavlovian response. He was half awake already with a pounding headache, like his eyeballs were beating his closed lids to death.
Neil toddles down the stairs with his eyes closed, a hand pressed hard to his temple, stabilizing his brain.
Aaron was standing at the counter already, facing the sputtering coffee pot. His arms were crossed, hair ruffled from sleep. At the sound of footsteps behind him, he turned.
The memories from last night played past Neilâs mind like a sped-up movie. He grimaced in embarrassment, and felt a little sick at how drunk he was. How stupid he was, to drink that much. He should have known his tolerance isnât matched with the rest of them. He could have gotten hurt, could have said somethingâ
Fuck.
âFuck,â Neil said, covering his eyes. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs fine,â Aaron said. He turned back to the coffee, though his posture was rigid.
Neil grabbed a glass of water. He noticed Aaron watching from the corner of his eye, but Neil chose to ignore him, figuring thatâs best. He sat on the counter with his water, sipping it slowly while he and Aaron waited for the coffee to finish brewing.
The silence was thick, but they were both too stubborn to leave the kitchen. Usually, they preferred to wait and pretend the other wasnât there.
Thatâs what Neil thought, at least. After a painful few minutes, Aaron huffed and grabbed the bottle of Advil from the drawer next to the sink. He shook two pills out and sat them next to Neil.
Neil stared at them until Aaron cast a pointed look at the pills, then physically gestured to them with raised brows. Neil took them while Aaron watched.
The coffee pot beeped. Aaron made a split second decision, grabbing two mugs and pouring coffee into them. He slid Neilâs across the counter. It sloshed over the side, but Aaron wasnât capable of caring at the moment. His mind was busy, and he knew Neil had noticed his lack of eye contact; the analytical fuck.
âLook,â Aaron said. He did not look at Neil to say it. âYouâre annoying, and you never know when to shut your mouth or mind your business. Most of the time, Iâm convinced you have a death wish, and a lot of the time I find myself resenting you. You complicated our lives, put us all in danger, didnât give a shit.â
Neilâs chest hurt. He didnât know if it was anger or guilt. Aaron started talking again before he could figure it out.
âBut I donât hate you. I canât, really. I canât even fault you for the shitty things you did, because it all worked out.â Aaron glanced quickly at Neil, looked away. His cheeks were red.
The thank you for helping repair my relationship with my brother and thank you for testifying and thank you for being good to Andrew went unsaid, but Aaron hoped Neil wasnât obtuse enough to force him to say it out loud.
Neil must have understood, because he nodded. Aaron figured that was as close to a reconciliation they were going to have, so he leaned against the counter and pretended everything was normal.
For the first time, they drank their coffee in silence without animosity orchestrating it.
Neilâs mug was half empty when Andrew joined them. He paused in the doorway, squinty eyed and mussed, looking between the two. Neil on the counter, Aaron leaning against it. Their silence, but lack of tension.
âThis is weird,â Andrew finally said, his voice gravely from sleep.
âYeah,â Neil and Aaron said simultaneously.
Neil glanced over his mug at Aaron, the corner of his mouth twitching. Aaron regarded it, but looked away, because something like contentment had made its way onto Andrewâs face.
Aaron smiled at that instead.
#andrewâs watching from the bar like âwhat in the fuck.â#neil isnât allowed to drink vodka anymore#andrew got tired of him crying#(not actually)#(his heart just *does something* when he sees neil in tears#(he does not like it)#he gets anxious and sad if he drinks too much#and heâs such a lightweight and doesnât know his limits#so it happens a couple times before andrew is like ânopeâ#and monitors neil until they find a fun fuzzy drunk#not a sad scary one#neil doesnât even drink that often but after 4 years in college he obviously does more than a few times#aftg#tfc#the foxhole court#aftg brainrot#neil josten#aaron minyard#andrew minyard#all for the game#trk#tkm#andreil
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The batkids playing âWho Can Hide My Best Friend in the Manor the Longest Without Bruce Finding Out.â Despite being faster than the speed of light, Wally is always the first to be found.
#Bruce walks into Timâs bedroom and Kon is just floating on the ceiling hoping Bruce doesnât look up#Steph wins more often than not because her best friend is Cass and Cass is a ninja#actually they all lose at the same time because Alfred sets the table to include their friends#Tim drake#dick Grayson#Jason Todd#damian wayne#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#duke thomas#bruce wayne
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i think some get angry at transmascs for discussing our oppressiin because they view invisibility as a privilege rather than a way in which we are oppressed
when their view of invisibility as a privilege is challenged, they lash out and say that we want to be oppressed soooo bad and that we need to shut up
and of course, if we do shut up then nothing changes. we remain invisible and nobody sees us. or talks about us. or cares about us
#anti transmasculinity#transandrophobia#also wanted to mention#i often see posts about how transmascs are loved by the queer community#but i haven't really seen that#not on tumblr at least#or reddit#i used to use reddit a lot and i mostly saw transfem positivity#next to nothing about transmascs#this isn't well thought out btw that's why it's in the tags#i see more people talking about how we're loved by the queer community than people actually loving us
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The Wizard Cowboy War (Wizboys VS Cowards) continues on.
#Wizard#Fourfold soul#fitch#nobody#Digital art#Well! Kind of! This one is actually mixed media -the lines are traditionally done with ink#then scanned and coloured digitally. I like the look and the feel of this method a lot.#In case anyone out there was wondering what the original doodle the Cowboy Wizard Jousting comic was - it was this!#I had indended it to stay a sketchbook doodle but I kept thinking about it - and figured 'why not also use it to do an art experiment?'#The funny thing about using existing characters for this is that this isn't even that far off from what they actually are.#The original pitch for the setting of FFS was 'Cowboy Exorcists'. Which sort of just makes them Cowboy Wizards in a way.#Design wise all I really did here was give them sillier hats.#Fitch isn't boy enough for the boy to be more than a carry over from 'cowboy'#But our Nameless Nobody? Yeah. They earned that Coward Badge good and true.#I have a few more doodles from this (AU? I guess?) That I may post if I'm low energy this week.#I missed drawing these little fellas. I should budget my art time to draw them more often...
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