#more morbid humor

[hairupintheair]

Trolls Cookbook Text

Troll Slaw

Ingredients

-9 Trolls, shredded -2 pounds of green cabbage -1 Teaspoon Caraway seeds -3 cups of mayonnaise -2 tablespoons white vinegar -1 clove garlic, minced -1 teaspoon dijon mustard -2 carrots, grated (1 cup)

Directions

In a large bowl, toss Trolls with 1 tbsp salt. Cover with ice water, refrigerate for 1 hour. This will preserve their color.

Drain the chilled Trolls, then squeeze in a towel to absorb any excess moisture. While simple, this is the most important step. The dressing will coat much better to a dry Troll.

Return to the large bowl. Stir in carrots and toasted caraway seeds. Add dressing and stir well.

Filet of Troll

Ingredients

-1/2 lbs filet of Trolls, trimmed and tied -5 tablespoons unsalted butter -1 tbsp salt -1 tbsp pepper

Directions

Preheat the oven to 451 degrees F. Place the Trolls on a sheet pan and pat them down. Use your hands to spread the butter over them. If they laugh, don't be alarmed. Trolls are ticklish by nature. Sprinkle the sale and pepper, evenly.

Roast in the oven for exactly 24 minutes. Remove the trolls from the oven, cover them tightly with aluminum foil, and allow them to rest at room temperature for 20 minutes. Remove the strings and slice the filet of trolls thickly.

Beef Trollganoff

Directions

Slice trolls against the grain into 1 inch strips. Trolls may lose color when you begin slicing. This is normal.

Cook Trolls using same skillet until brown. Heat to boil; reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Stir into Troll mixture. Serve over noodles. Enjoy!

Ingredients

-1 1/2 pounds Troll -8 ounces day-old mushrooms, sliced -2 medium onions, thinly sliced -1/4 cups margarine -1 1/2 cups Troll-flavored broth -1/4 teaspoon salt -1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce -1/2 cup all purpose flour -1 1/2 cups sour cream -3 cups cooked egg noodles

Spicy Tuna Troll

Ingredients -5 cups sushi rice -2 sheets dry seaweed -3 tbsp white sesame seeds -4 lbs sushi-grade Trolls -1 cup mayonnaise -1/4 tbsp of dry chili pepper

Directions

Chop trolls and mix with mayonnaise and chili-pepper. Put a sheet of seaweed on a mat. Spread a portion of rice on top of the sheet. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top of the sushi rice. Please a portion of troll mixture lengthwise on the rice. Roll the mat, pressing forward to shape the sushi into a cylinder. Firmly press the mat and remove it from the sushi.

Cut the rolls into bite size pieces. Enjoy!

Jellied Cassetroll

Ingredients

-1 box of gelatin mix -12-17 Trolls -16 oz of sour cream -8 oz whipped topping -2 cups boiling water

Directions

Dissolve gelatin mixture in boiling water for 2 minutes. Add Trolls, chopped. Blend mixture with a hand mixer until the Trolls and gelatin have adequately mixed. Place in the fridge for 2-3 hours or until the gelatin mixture sets half way.

Lightly fold in the sour cream and whipped topping. Pour the entire mixture into a mold of your choice. This is where you get creative! Troll Hair molds, Trollstice molds, a mold for every occasion!

Fruity Troll Roll

Directions

Mix all the ingredients except chocolate in a large bowl. Stir thoroughly and place on a foil covered tray. Refrigerate until needed.

Form into two logs, using greased hands. If Troll hair protrudes from log, don't worry. This is great for presentation and adds a bit of color to the dish!

Melt chocolate while logs chill. Once melted, pour over logs. You may notice a few shouts or screams when you begin pouring the chocolate. This lets you know the chocolate is the perfect temperature! Chill the logs in the fridge.

Slice with a serrated knife to serve.

[datastate]

regardless of what i say toward michiru (or kazumi to a lesser extent), i don't think anything will ever compare to how severe my feelings for lurien were and still are (i've just gotten shy since i rarely post abt hk anymore, i don't want it to solely be 'this bug needs to be real so i can spend the rest of my days tending to him' . . .)

[columboscreens]

[a-mythologynerd]

Just finished The Familiar and it was very fun! Definitely captured my imagination and I adore Leigh Bardugo’s historical and modern fantasies. She does such a great job of evoking those themes of injustice and the grey morality of being locked in systems and corrupt power structures. I’ll probably talk more on this later but if you’re a fan of her work (especially the Alex Stern series) I’d give it a read.

[connecting-the-stars]

I’m having thoughts! A shocker I know!

Thinking about drafting a dabble with @deniigi “Pumpkin Spice Latte flavors of Codywan”

Particularly: Posh!Obi-wan and Secret Chaos Element!Cody

Follows Cody and Obi-Wan through the Clone Wars as they attempt to live up to the expectations of their titles. Cody’s vehement distrust of the generals in charge of the war and Obi-wan’s aloof and flirty mask that covers his heart of gold, Obi-wan looking to make a bridge and peel back the onion layers that are the Commander and Cody looking to make an itemized list of weaknesses for contingency plans and rationalize the irrational actions of the Jedi. With each battle and death toll, they size the other up finding more than either of them signed up for. It’s about faith, trust, and humility.

It’s grown to include more crack than i had expected and I kind of love that. Though, I had spun the original concept with a darker tone that focused on the burdens of titles and enduring the galaxy when war steers the entirely of your life. Also a big helping of Propaganda and Jedi regarded as Untouchable Myths by the public. And Cody and his brothers struggles to see themselves as more than weapons when their lives are shackled to their blasters and grenades, confined into the neat boxes the Kaminoans designed.

I keep backpedaling though, because I’m really fond of the ideas I’ve conjured for crack and humor, but I am still unable to let go on the darker tone and an exploration of personhood/burdens of expectations.

In my head I feel like it’s too tonally jarring. But on the opposite side, I’ve read a handful of great fics that are so enjoyable because they balance humor and darker themes. (Literally listened to a pod fic till 4am because of the crack treated seriously and dark topics: CHTHONIC by catboydogma highly recommend)

[chaos-bringer-13]

Went to my university English lecture today.

Teacher: "A job is not just a job, it's who you are". Do you agree with the quote?

Me, feeling poetic: Nope, you're more than your job. You're also your hobbies, people who you love, things you enjoy.

Teacher: But let's say there's a person who works with corpses, cemeteries, who's an executioner for example. Wouldn't it make you feel... weird?

Me: I'm gonna be honest with you, it might make me like that person more.

Teacher: ...

Teacher: I love modern youth.

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

Woah I got 10 perfume samplers as a gift!?

This is a certified Jean-Baptiste Grenouille Perfume: The Story of a Murderer Patrick Süskind 1985 moment.

[duoversal]

Babies aren’t permanent though :)

[simantopia]

this shows you how sterile the series has gotten when ppl think this is the wildest, unimaginable joke the game can make.

btw this was still a "heckin wholesome!" moment because she meant it as a joke and everyone laughs at the funeral. if this was the sims 2 era, she would've seriously meant it or it would've been something even more cynical (like she wrote them out of the will or something LOL)

[hairupintheair]

Dropping in to say I read historical cookbooks for fun and depending on what era the Bergen kitchen is supposed to evoke the inconsistencies in the cookbook might be more accurate than if it was well edited. Awesome job typing that all out

Firstly, thanks for being my first ever ask on this blog! 🎉

Secondly, that's a great point! There were so many little details in this movie, you can really tell the creators put a lot of thought into every set piece. I would fully believe they were purposely mimicking old historical cookbooks when they made the pages for Chef's, right down to the style of the text. Thank you for this info!

[roundaboutnow]

"you have your mom's hair and dad's eyes" = normal thing to say

"you have your mom's bones and dad's skin" = unhinged thing to say, reserve only for people who know your sense of humor

[kaiobeast]

Love that while online fandom in general is having a weird meltdown about the morality of enjoying anything darker than sanitized fluff in fiction, the Danny Phantom fandom is still sitting in the corner 16 years after the show ended with a blankie and cocoa and their 10,000th deep-fanon supertorture cannibalism vivisection psychological horror fic

[evielmostdefinitely]

finding coriolanus’ old peace keeper uniform.

after the engagement, you two are moving into a shared home in the center of the capitol. it’s buried deep in a silver trunk, stashes of photos, his dog tags, a few other odd things, and the blue jumpsuit. it’s slightly stiff with storage, the material thick and sturdy.

“maybe you should put it on.” you grin at him, playful in tone, but the glint in your eye tells him otherwise.

so he humors you, if for not other reason than his own morbid curiosity. see where this goes.

“how does it look?” the material fits tighter around his chest now, more mature, more grown up.

your mouth waters at the sight, ogling his dog tags hanging around his neck. “i think i miss the shaved hair.” you giggle. “can’t believe i’m saying that.”

coriolanus grins, watching you carefully, calculated steps coming towards you. “what is it?” he hummed, hands smoothing over the thick, blue material.

“i-i like your dog tags.” you admitted, eyes flashing to his sweetly, his heart skipping. “you should wear them more.”

your legs are around his waist after that, scratching and grabbing at his the bare skin of his back. coryo’s soft grunts mixing with your own breathy whimpers, fucking into you on the mattress. his dog tags dangling over your face, your chest. he’d purposefully hover so you could grab them in your mouth, sucking on them while you looked at him, eyes rounded and begging.

[ortegahaze]

bleeding heart

pairing: Wednesday Addams x gn!reader

synopsis: determined to impress your girlfriend, Wednesday Addams, on Halloween, you gift her a vial of your own blood. A fainting mishap turns the gesture chaotic, but Wednesday’s amused rescue reveals she might just share your dark affection.

warnings: mentions of blood and needle, fluff, humor.

a/n: happy halloween to those who celebrate! i wanted to share something themed, and what better choice than wednesday addams? i’m also close to finishing a requested katie torres story, as well as the second part of anyone but you.

word count: 1,6k

—

You’ve been dating Wednesday Addams for three intense, darkly enchanting months, and you’ve learned that choosing the right gift for her is no easy task. She finds most gifts either pointless or painfully sentimental. But it’s Halloween—the one night of the year when the world aligns with her tastes: mysterious, morbid, and a little dangerous. So, you decide it’s worth the risk.

After much thought—and far more of Enid’s “enthusiastic” help than you planned for—you settle on a gift you’re certain will impress Wednesday: a heart-shaped vial filled with a drop of your own blood. It’s unique, bold, and deeply personal. If there’s anything that might move her, it’s this.

Which is how you find yourself seated in Yoko’s dorm, nervously sweating on her sleek black couch as she holds up a butterfly needle and tourniquet. As a werewolf, you’re used to scrapes and bruises, but there’s something about needles that makes you feel faint. And with Enid’s wolfish grin and Yoko’s vampire fangs glinting in the dim light, you’re starting to question your “brilliant” idea.

“You know,” Yoko says, tightening the tourniquet around your arm with a wry smile, “most people would back out by now.”

“I’m not backing out,” you insist, though your voice wavers more than you’d like. You glance down at the tiny heart-shaped vial waiting beside you, its delicate glass ready to be filled and transformed into a pendant for Wednesday. If you can survive this needle-induced haze without fainting again, maybe Wednesday will recognize the depth of the gesture.

Enid pats your shoulder. “Think about how much Wednesday’s gonna love this! She won’t say it, but I bet she’ll be super impressed.”

“Oh, she’ll definitely be impressed,” Yoko grins. “You’re practically giving her your heart, you know?”

You laugh weakly, imagining Wednesday’s reaction, hoping she’ll see this gesture for what it is. That thought alone steadies you enough to hold out your arm. But as soon as the needle touches your skin and the blood begins to run through the tiny tube, the room starts to spin faster, and as Enid’s voice fades to a distant echo, your last thought is: Totally worth it if Wednesday approves.

When you come to, you’re lying back on Yoko’s couch with both her and Enid leaning over you, faces somewhere between amused and concerned.

“Alright,” The vampire says, holding up the half-filled vial with a smirk, “maybe you’re not exactly cut out for this.”

You groan, embarrassed. “I… I wanted it to be perfect.”

Enid pats your shoulder a little too enthusiastically. “It’s fine! We’ll just call Wednesday over. She’ll probably think it’s extra romantic that you fainted for her.”

“No way!” you protest, trying to sit up, but your head spins, and Enid gently pushes you back down.

Yoko is already tapping away on her phone. “Too late. She’s on her way to rescue her tragic, fainting puppy.”

Moments later, the door creaks open, and Wednesday steps inside, her gaze sweeping over the scene. She takes in your helpless sprawl on the couch, Yoko with the half-filled vial, and Enid’s barely-contained grin.

Her arms cross, and she raises a single eyebrow. “Would anyone care to explain?”

Yoko gestures toward you, barely hiding her amusement. “Your valiant partner here attempted the ultimate DIY tribute. We nearly lost them to their own romantic ambitions.”

Wednesday’s expression remains stoic, but there’s an unmistakable glint in her eye—a glint you can’t quite decipher, yet can’t resist either. “I see. And you thought it wise to assist them?”

Enid shrugs. “It was pretty romantic—until the fainting part.”

Ignoring Enid, Wednesday strides over and reaches down to help you up. “We’re going to your room,” she says firmly, grabbing the half-full vial and the equipment Yoko left behind.

You blush, both embarrassed and grateful. “I can walk, you know,” you mumble, though you sway a bit as you stand, and Wednesday’s hand stays firm on your arm.

Her lips quirk slightly. “Yes. You’ve demonstrated impressive physical prowess so far.”

You groan, leaning on her slightly as she leads you through the hallways, surrounded by the eerie glow of Halloween decorations. The school is draped in webs and flickering lights, shadows cast by paper bats hanging from the ceiling, and jack-o’-lanterns grinning from dark corners. Faint echoes of spooky music and the occasional laugh drift through the halls as students celebrate the holiday.

After a moment of silence, you clear your throat. “I know this was… a bit dramatic. I just thought it would be meaningful, you know? Like… giving you something uniquely personal.”

Wednesday glances up at you, her dark eyes slightly softer than usual. “There are any number of ways you could have shown that without requiring an emergency rescue.”

“I guess,” you admit, sheepish. “But it wouldn’t have been the same. You… make me want to do things that are a little foolish.”

A faint smile pulls at the corner of her mouth, though she doesn’t respond. She simply walks beside you until you reach your dorm. Once inside, she sits you down at your desk, still holding the vial and the needle. Setting the vial aside, she loops the tourniquet around your arm with practiced precision.

“If you’re still determined to finish this… gift,” she says, giving you a challenging look, “then I’ll do it myself. Unless, of course, you’d rather faint a second time.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, like I’d ever pass out with you around.”

Wednesday raises an eyebrow. “Are you certain? The track record doesn’t favor you.”

You open your mouth to argue, but your breath catches as she lifts the butterfly needle, her gaze steady and calm. Without thinking, you reach for her free hand, gripping it tightly as she begins drawing the blood.

She glances down at your hand in hers, a slight flicker of surprise in her expression. “I suppose bravery is easier when you’re clinging to someone else.”

You smirk, tightening your grip just a little. “Bravery is in short supply around needles, okay? Consider yourself lucky I’m still conscious.”

A faint, amused breath escapes her, and she continues filling the vial, her voice low as she recounts her day’s events: her latest experiments, the endless irritations of her classmates, her determination to ignore them all. You find yourself relaxing as she talks in the calm, steady way she only does when it’s just the two of you. Before long, the vial is filled, and she carefully removes the needle and tourniquet. She disappears briefly to fetch a band-aid, returning to press it gently against the tiny wound.

When she holds up the completed vial, her eyes glint with something almost… reverent. Her fingers, cool to the touch, linger over the vial, and for just a moment, she holds it up to the moonlight as if it were a priceless relic. She’s silent, but the pendant’s soft glow says what she won’t.

“You’ve successfully turned me into my parents,” she murmurs, her voice a mix of irritation and faint amusement.

You can’t help a smirk. “Do you really hate it?”

She narrows her eyes, though there’s warmth in them. “Less than I expected.”

Taking a steadying breath, you reach for the pendant. “Let me put it on you?” The question comes out quieter than you’d planned, but Wednesday doesn’t pull back; she inclines her head slightly, turning so her braids falls to one side.

You fumble only slightly with the clasp before placing the chain gently around her neck, the tiny vial resting just above her collarbone. Your fingers brush her skin as you fasten the clasp, and you feel her shiver, though her expression remains impassive, save for the faintest glint in her eyes. She holds your gaze, her usual dark intensity softened ever so slightly.

Stepping back, you can’t help the small surge of pride at seeing her wear it. “Look at that—I survived. Guess I’m ready for something far more daring. Like… a tattoo.”

She arches an eyebrow, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at her lips. “Your confidence is admirable, if poorly placed.”

“Hey, with you there to hold my hand, I could handle anything,” you say, meeting her gaze.

Her eyes soften just slightly, and she doesn’t pull her hand away. Instead, she traces her fingers over the tiny heart-shaped vial, now sealed and resting against her skin. “Then I suppose I’ll consider it my duty.”

You grin, warmth blooming in your chest. “You’re really making it hard not to faint all over again, you know that?”

She rolls her eyes but doesn’t let go of your hand. “Let’s get something for you to eat,” she says, her voice quiet yet surprisingly tender.

Later that night, you and Wednesday are seated at the far end of the quad, away from the Halloween festivities echoing through the courtyard. She’s wearing the pendant, the blood-filled vial catching the moonlight as she glances over at you.

“By the way,” she says, her voice a soft murmur in the night, “if you ever think to attempt something like this again, do inform me beforehand.”

You chuckle, leaning back on the bench beside her. “Oh, you’re so eager to torture me, aren’t you?”

She meets your gaze, her lips twitching in a barely-there smile. “Precisely.”

As silence settles between you, her hand brushes against yours with quiet familiarity. Sitting together under the expansive night, fingers entwined, you realize that with Wednesday, every gesture is equal parts peril and promise—and that, you know, is exactly why it feels so right.

[thebibliosphere]

hello i thought you would appreciate the morbid humor my also not-an-allergy allergy. i have cold urticaria, which is where any exposure to cold temperatures on my skin make me break out in hives and in extremis go into anaphylactic shock. my mom is way worse, she's gone into shock just from getting in pools too early in summer.

ive had to argue with people that no i really am for real allergic to the cold. bro i will die. allergies that arent allergies are wild and such a pain to explain. "you cant be allergic to the cold" girl watch me aksdjhaksdhakjshd

Oh yeah! I have that too as part of my MCAS. Same with heat. Too hot I break out in hives. Too cold I break out in hives. A lot of “weird” symptoms that like are usually caused by over active mast cell activity in the skin.

The more you know!

[comradecowplant]

I had to know more about the dude who directed & starred and I'm just.....

Danish failed rapper turned stand-up comedian known for his "memorable characters and stereotypes"..... oh good god

What is up with this movie