#more literary critiques

[iamtylersperfecthand]

another thing I wanted to convey in my last post but kinda got away from was just how Tyler/the narrator’s background of financial security and socioeconomic privilege insulates them to the point that roleplaying poverty is their path to “enlightenment.” and while giving up your worldly pleasures/possessions to become enlightened and understand the experience of those less privileged than you is a common philosophy (especially big in hinduism and similar religions), Tyler/the narrator are obviously not engaging in this practice at all.

on a surface level, squatting in a structurally unsound house ≠ experiencing poverty, especially when they still have multiple white collar jobs keeping them fed and without the corrosive stress of financial insecurity (which, if we’re being honest, would definitely scare the narrator back into corporate submission).

beyond that though, despite all of Tyler’s taoist-adjacent philosophies, the goal of their povertycore is just total self-centered alienation from society so that they’ll be disconnected enough from other people and physically uncomfortable enough to accept domestic terrorism as the best answer to their problems. this is not a mindset exclusive to those with money and white collar jobs, but the fact that Tyler is trying specifically to reach that population makes it the focus of the story and reveals a lot about his understanding of middle class guilt/self-pity/fragility. poor people are obviously still susceptible to propaganda and the desire to hurt those that keep them poor, but dedicating time and energy to something like fight club requires that the participants have the time and energy in the first place. if you’re working constantly and living paycheck to paycheck, you’re a lot less likely to have time for and interest in fight club (especially since a lot of wage jobs will penalize you for coming in looking disheveled or having to take time off for medical reasons like injuries). again, this definitely doesn’t apply to all poor people, but there is a reason Tyler primarily targets the middle class.

tldr: even tho fight club and its goals can appeal to people of any financial status, it’s still important to highlight Tyler/the narrator’s own socioeconomic privilege being both wildly hypocritical to what they preach and also a factor in fight club’s structure

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

With the rise of booktok/booktwt, there's been this weird movement against literary criticism. It's a bizarre phenomenon, but this uptick in condemnation of criticism is so stifling. I understand that with the rise of these platforms, many people are being reintroduced into the habit of reading, which is why at the base level, I understand why many 'popular' books on booktok tend to be cozier.

The argument always falls into the 'this book means too much to me' or 'let people enjoy things,' which is rhetoric I understand -- at least fundamentally. But reading and writing have always been conduits for criticism, healthy natural criticism. We grow as writers and readers because of criticism. It's just so frustrating to see arguments like "how could you not like this character they've been the x trauma," or "why read this book if you're not going to come out liking it," and it's like...why not. That has always been the point of reading. Having a character go through copious amounts of trauma does not always translate to a character that's well-crafted. Good worldbuilding doesn't always translate to having a good story, or having beautiful prose doesn't always translate into a good plot.

There is just so much that goes into writing a story other than being able to formulate tropable (is that a word lol) characters. Good ideas don't always translate into good stories. And engaging critically with the text you read is how we figure that out, how we make sure authors are giving us a good craft. Writing is a form of entertainment too, and just like we'd do a poorly crafted show, we should always be questioning the things we read, even if we enjoy those things.

It's just werd to see people argue that we shouldn't read literature unless we know for certain we are going to like it. Or seeing people not be able to stand honest criticism of the world they've fallen in love with. I love ASOIAF -- but boy oh boy are there a lot of problems in the story: racial undertones, questionable writing decisions, weird ness overall. I also think engaging critically helps us understand how an author's biases can inform what they write. Like, HP Lovecraft wrote eerie stories, he was also a raging racist. But we can argue that his fear of PoC, his antisemitism, and all of his weird fears informed a lot of what he was writing. His writing is so eerie because a lot of that fear comes from very real, nasty places. It's not to say we have to censor his works, but he influences a lot of horror today and those fears, that racial undertone, it is still very prevalent in horror movies today. That fear of the 'unknown,'

Gone with the Wind is an incredibly racist book. It's also a well-written book. I think a lot of people also like confine criticism to just a syntax/prose/technical level -- when in reality criticism should also be applied on an ideological level. Books that are well-written, well-plotted, etc., are also -- and should also -- be up for criticism. A book can be very well-written and also propagate harmful ideologies. I often read books that I know that (on an ideological level), I might not agree with. We can learn a lot from the books we read, even the ones we hate.

I just feel like we're getting to the point where people are just telling people to 'shut up and read' and making spaces for conversation a uniform experience. I don't want to be in a space where everyone agrees with the same point. Either people won't accept criticism of their favorite book, or they think criticism shouldn't be applied to books they think are well written. Reading invokes natural criticism -- so does writing. That's literally what writing is; asking questions, interrogating the world around you. It's why we have literary devices, techniques, and elements. It's never just taking the words being printed at face value.

You can identify with a character's trauma and still understand that their badly written. You can read a story, hate everything about it, and still like a character. As I stated a while back, I'm reading Fourth Wing; the book is terrible, but I like the main character. The worldbuilding is also terrible, but the author writes her PoC characters with respect. It's not hard to acknowledge one thing about the text, and still find enough to enjoy the book. And authors grow when we're honest about what worked and what didn't work. Shadow and Bone was very formulaic and derivative at points, but Six of Crows is much more inventive and inclusive. Veronica Roth's Carve the Mark had some weird racial problems, but Chosen Ones was a much better book in terms of representation. Percy Jackson is the same way. These writers grow, not just by virtue of time, but because they were critiqued and listened to that critique. C.S. Lewis and Tolkien always publically criticized each other's work. Zora Neale Hurston and Langston Hughes had a legendary friendship and back and forth with one another's works which provides so much insight into the conversations black authors and creatives were having.

Writing has always been about asking questions; prodding here and there, critiquing. It has always been a conversation, a dialogue. I urge people to love what they read, and read what they love, but always ask questions, always understand different perspectives, and always keep your mind open. Please stop stifling and controlling the conversations about your favorite literature, and please understand that everyone will not come out with the same reading experience as you. It doesn't make their experience any less valid than yours.

[singomusesofwhatever]

something something the illiad shows us the losses communities takes in order to support great men and that's why it's the end of the age of heros to show hey this is why we don't have them anymore as they transfer from mythic history to contemporary history something something

[flying-fangirls]

Arthur's Story

Okay so now that Part 46 is out and we got that moment of John explaining what Arthur's train story meant to him, I kinda want to talk about this particular allusion myself. Arthur's retelling is mostly pretty close to the original, but I am going to get into interpretation/implementation stuff. So if you want to read the original story for full context, it's "Solitude" by Ben Ames Williams!

To start bluntly: I do not like the Lilly comparison /nm

I'm not saying it's wrong per se, but I do believe it's a fairly weak conclusion that misses out on a lot of other potential.

Let's back up.

Alright, so if you go and read it, you'll quickly see that the original short story, "Solitude," is ridiculously well-aligned with the tone and mood of Malevolent. There are ideas of cosmic insignificance, perseverance and despair, questioning morality and "goodness," and helping others in dark times. (it does have some of the weird hallmarks of early 1900s white dude writing, but otherwise I actually quite like this story! it's got nice vibes and pretty words)

Where It Falls Short

Now, an allusion is a reference within a story to an outside piece of information, and its entire purpose is to add new depth. A good allusion considers the full context of whatever it's referencing, and uses that context to its advantage. It challenges the audience to work through that outside context and uncover some new perspective(s) on characters, themes, and/or plot— something they otherwise had not seen or considered before.

The thing is, when Part 46 applies the "Solitude" allusion to Lilly specifically, there's nothing new gained whatsoever. What does John tell us during this moment?

Lilly took care of him, showed him his first glimpse of humanity, and gave him a name— all good stuff! But also all old stuff, these details have all been said in the show before, some more than once. Since we know that the main point of an allusion is to bring something new to the table, then this implementation fails on that point because all it's done is simply rehash previously established perspectives on Lilly.

Not only does this take on the allusion fall short, the show's interpretation also limits our ability to understand it. This isn't a moment where the podcast shows us new information and lets us draw our own conclusions. This is a moment where John stands in for the podcast's voice, and he tells us what it considers the "right" interpretation. Even if we had formed our own interpretation about this allusion, the show has now essentially told us that those interpretations are "wrong" (which isn't an antagonistic move on the show's part, by the way! just the message it's unconsciously implying)

I agree that John's connection between the story and his experience with Lilly in Part 46 is a genuinely sweet moment! But unfortunately, because it neglects to take a new path, it's also a predictable moment that loses its strength among all the other sweet Lilly moments. And that takes away any chance for the allusion to impact the audience in a unique way, wasting its full potential.

Where It Misses Out

(now here comes the English major moment when I tell you why I'm right and you're not /j)

Alright, again, the Lilly comparison isn't wrong. I think it's totally legitimate to see this story about a woman helping an injured and lonely man, and think of Lilly! But personally, when I heard Arthur's retelling, I never once considered Lilly until the show told me to (12 episodes later). When I listened to Part 29 and the first half of the story, I admittedly was totally lost and dug through those lines over and over to find a meaning. And the only real interpretation that naturally came to me was a parallel to Arthur and John's journey. A man lost in a terrifying world, at the whims of forces much stronger than him, who has lost all of his loved ones to death or abandonment? Yeah, that's literally just Arthur and John.

And the conclusion in Part 39 only seemed to support that interpretation more— Moll abandons her entire life to follow Mat into the cold and dark, John and Arthur both (literally and figuratively) throw their lives away to help the other through the dark. We can even swap who's who here— either Arthur or John could be Mat struggling to survive as a "good" person, and either one could be Moll extending a hand to that person.

There's also a particular line that John says in Part 46 that feels completely out of place with the interpretation the show tells us:

He implies that Lilly did the same as Moll and shut out everything around them. But when Lilly takes care of John in the hospital, his development there isn't that she "drove out the world." Lilly brought the world closer to John, not further away— she helped him expand his focus outward, not close it off.

However, this line does fit extremely well with John and Arthur's dynamic! How often have we heard about these two's edges blurring, about their minds and emotions and internal selves blending together? How many times have these two expressed a love so codependent that it rejects everything outside of themselves? Heck, John's major emotional plot in s4 revolved around the desire to shut out the outside world and isolate himself together with Arthur.

Just like how Moll's arrival drove out the world for Mat, the arrival of John into Arthur's life certainly drove out the rest of the world, pulling him away from his job, home, and friends. Likewise, the arrival of Arthur into John's life most definitely drove out the rest of the world, removing him from the legacy of the King and literal world of the Dreamlands.

The podcast tries to push its Lilly interpretation into a mold that it simply does not fit. And in doing so, it completely misses the perfect connection between Moll/Mat and John/Arthur that already exists. "Solitude" offers a naturally perfect bridge between its story and Malevolent's, but Part 46 steers us away from that bridge and straight into the river where we're left without any strong understanding or impact.

Where It Could Go

Not only does a Jarthur interpretation of Arthur's story connect the allusion to the podcast well, it also gives us a new perspective to think about Jarthur with (again, the most important part of a good allusion).

Earlier I said that Arthur's retelling of "Solitude" mostly followed the story, and that's because he leaves out one key detail: Moll had spent most of her life trapped as the victim of abusive men who forced her to neglect herself and care for people who didn't care for her back. (Admittedly, I think it's weird the show ignored this specific detail, but most allusions do intentionally require outside work on the audience's part, so for now I'll hesitantly just say that was Guthrie's aim.)

If we consider this backstory in our interpretation, we can find a really fascinating view of Jarthur's dynamic. Both Arthur and John could be Mat: a man who has seriously harmed others before and is now left broken and lost in a dangerous world. Then we can have John as Moll: trapped by the King and the Dark World and Arthur's body, powerless to take control of his own self, forced to neglect his identity/values for others' wants. And we can have Arthur as Moll: stuck in relationships/lifestyles that restrict him, autonomy stolen by social expectations and eldritch beings with far more power than him. Both of them as Moll: escaping a past of abuse, but nevertheless still finding yourself in a position of supporting men at the cost of your individuality.

A Jarthur interpretation frames Arthur and John's pasts in a concept of abuse and neglect, which is not usually (if at all) how the podcast presents their backstories. It also forces us to reconsider the full scope of their dynamic with each other. Normally the show presents Jarthur as a messy, yet overwhelmingly restorative and supportive relationship. However, when we place Jarthur into the context of Moll, we are forced to stop and acknowledge how their dynamic still harms them both: They're codependent to a self-destructive degree, protective enough to harm anyone else who gets close, so closely connected that they lose a part of who they are for the other's sake. Neither one of them exist as a wholly independent individual anymore, both of them losing pieces of their minds, emotions, and bodies to accommodate for the other's needs.

While s4-5 John and Arthur are clearly at a point in their relationship where they openly express their love and gratitude to the other for "saving" them, this allusion presents us with a perspective on their situation without the rose-colored glasses. We have the opportunity to recontextualize their dynamic and remember just how much Arthur and John have lost for the sake of each other, no matter how loving and compassionate that sacrifice might be in their eyes.

Where I Conclude the Ramble

From the moment Arthur first told this story in Part 29, its ambiguous inclusion captivated my little overthinking brain. It was incredibly fascinating to mull over Arthur's words and John's reaction, and then to dig deeper into this obscure story outside of the podcast and uncover answers!

Which is why I think I'm so disappointed with the final answer that Part 46 told us. If anyone else has looked into "Solitude" outside of the podcast before, they likely saw the same well of potential depth to work with that Harlan Guthrie clearly also found. Yet, for some reason, the podcast offers a conclusion that barely scrapes the surface of that well.

Instead of giving us new depth to the story, a Lilly interpretation really just brings up more questions for us. Did Lilly neglect herself in some way when she took care of John? Was Lilly the victim of abuse at some point in her past? What parts of Lilly's past led her to this point? There's so much more information that we need for this layered allusion to make sense, but we never get that information, so all we're left with is a weak conclusion and wasted potential.

On the other hand, a Jarthur interpretation does answer questions for us, and it adds depth to our previous understandings of their dynamic. We better understand how John and Arthur's bad decisions lead them to their darkest moments, how lost and afraid they both felt at the start of the podcast, how they found relief and protection in the other. And we consider new possibilities of how John and Arthur's past circumstances abused them, how they were trapped in cycles that stole their autonomy, how they still cannot escape these cycles and keep throwing their lives away for others.

Part 46 told us a single interpretation to have for the train story, but there is no reason we can not (nor should not) look for other interpretations— especially when the story itself shows us evidence that points to a different answer.

(final disclaimer: I absolutely do not intend any of this as any sort of attack! this is just general literary critique to try and explain why I'm a little annoyed at a single line lol)

[kaurwreck]

I love preordering books because I forget about them until they arrive and once they arrive, I'm all at once surprised, charmed by my own forethought, and as excited as when I first noticed them enough to preorder them.

(Today's title: Beauty Matters: Modern Japanese Literature and the Question of Aesthetics (1890-1930) by Anri Yasuda, the chapters of which include (i) Natsume Soseki's Quest for "A Feeling of Beauty," (ii) Mori Ogai and the "Inner Flame" of Beauty, and (iii) Akutagawa Ryunosuke's Literary Anxietieis and the "Power to Remake.")

[kirsctein]

finished Earthflown 🧍‍♀️ now what

[juniperhillpatient]

Well that was a great rewatch so glad I got to season 3 episode 5 of avatar the last airbender I guess no other episodes matter now rewatch over

[kurokoros]

this may just be me being a bitch but I genuinely think that upper middle class "I went to private school in a major city" people who write literary fiction are some of the worst writers

[rotzaprachim]

surprisingly and deeply kinda dissapointed with elaine castillo’s how to read now book of essays but shhhhh don’t let any of the white people on goodreads hear about it 

[ephemeratea]

It’s strange how, as a lapsed Catholic, I’m far more interested in Bible studies now than I ever was when I attended church. Of course, I say Bible studies and most people immediately think of the Protestant mega-church type of Bible studies, where one memorizes the lines they want to use out of context in order to make an argument that is frequently based on hate and isn’t Christian at all. At least, when I mention studying the Bible to someone of a secular vein, this is what they mention.

More than anything else, I’m interested in history. In the stories that are more mythological than historical, where did these stories come from? And since most of them are based on oral traditions (including the Gospels), when were they written down? By whom? And for what reason? There are some really fascinating theories floating around, especially regarding the Pentateuch/Torah. I just ordered a book called Genesis and the Moses Story by Konrad Schmid, a German professor of the Hebrew Bible, which is about how the stories of the patriarchs and Moses may actually be two entirely separate traditions that were kind of lumped together by priests after the Babylonian exile? Sounds fascinating and I’m interested to see what evidence he presents.

I say that I was raised Catholic, which, like when saying I’m interested in Bible studies, brings a certain image to mind. It’s not totally wrong. Catholic Guilt TM is 100% a real thing and something I’ve never been able to entirely shake. I had moments as a teenager when I thought I should become a nun but in reality I’m just Aro/Ace and at the time I had no real way of verbalizing that, even to myself. But I didn’t have the conservative Catholic upbringing a lot of people imagine. My father was a religion teacher…specifically, Bible studies. But he believed in literary critique and history and science and archeological evidence (with a Master’s degree to prove it). Let’s just say, that while he’s disappointed I’m lapsed, he understands a lot of it is because of my gender (my dad is the most feminist person I know), but he’s thrilled I’ve developed an interest in his area of study. He gave me his grad school bible, which is now one of my most prized possessions. Especially since it’s one of the best translations used by scholars today. (But also, it was my dad’s and meant a lot to him.)

I don’t know how to describe my current belief system. I think many religious beliefs are impositions created by men to rule over and even oppress the masses. But there are deep truths that can make a difference in the lives of…everyone. I still try to live my life based on the Beatitudes, although I frequently fail. I’m not sure where I’m ultimately going with this thought, except, perhaps to note that this is a rather lonely pursuit since I don’t also attend a church, and I’m not sure what to do about this.

[cryingatships]

"It can skip worldbuilding"

??????

def it can but is this person unaware that there exists a type fic that hinges on worldbuilding??

If they wanna critique the skill of writers, they can just critique that, no need to drag fics writing style into the stage. Fics are written for a different purpose, and if someone tries or actually manages to turn their fic into published book, that's on them.

No need to say that fics in general often skip worldbuilding. Like???

this comment on that vulture article about the "fanfic-to-romance novel pipeline" is very interesting and not something i've seen articulated...much to think about...

[rainbowgothdisaster]

i hate it when ppl try to act like a subversion of a troupe is both more common than and fixes the problem of the troupe itself.

soulmates is amatonormative. whether or not you think you can have platonic soulmates or multiple soulmates, the fact of the matter is is that in its raw form, its amatonormative. it relies heavily on the idea of one person, "your other half", being romantic and getting married and that being without them is miserable.

but polyamorous ppl exist, aros exist, aplatonic aros exist, loveless aros exist, ppl who dont want longterm relationships exist, theres a million different kinds of ppl that are directly contradictory to the vanilla idea of soulmates.

i mean. come on. the ones where not finding ur soulmate or ur soulmate dying means you see in black and white? jesus christ. especially since a lot of the ones ive seen you kiss to get colour. thats very transparently saying not having your soulmate is miserable and you can only have one and they have to be romantic. ntm some ppl just don't kiss, so if you want to count that in allonormativity then there you go.

the one where the first words they speak to you are on your arm also comes back to the idea of a singular soulmate, and to the idea of not having one being miserable since it is again proposed to be apart of you. ntm being ableist against nonspeaking ppl.

and just btw: soulmates is a troupe where criticizing it gets mistaken for criticizing someones personal real life belief in it. and while i don't like the belief either it is important to me to point out that i am talking about the TROUPE.

[noyoucannotpushthevoid]

Playing the super fun game of how high can I count in German until the syllables slur together to the point of unrecognizability lol

[heavenlymorals]

Details that I've noticed about Arthur Morgan-

-He, for the most part, despises male touch, especially if it's overly affectionate. He gets tense anytime a man hugs him and wants it to be over as quick as possible (Jamie, Mickey) and he looks visibly offended when Professor Bell touches him. He even sometimes gets annoyed when Dutch touches him on his shoulder, someone who he considers a father figure.

-On the flip side, he does not mind female touch at all. He even initiates it sometimes (Tilly, the girl at Beaver Hollow). Now one could argue that they were high stress situations, but if Tilly was a dude, he would've just set her free, make a snide remark, give her a gun, and then he'd expect her to help him with the fighting. He is completely cool with the nun giving him a hug and doesn't get offended when Mary Beth touches his hand in their therapy session.

- He seems to be pretty well read. He knows Shakespeare, with Romeo and Juliet, and Icarus. He makes other literary references. This is probably due to Dutch. Dutch is clearly very well read and cultured. However, Arthur seems more interested in practical works like guides then philosophy and stories, given that the only book he has on his tent desk is a plant guide.

- He's great at remembering faces and less so on remembering names.

- He does have an amazing propensity to remember physical features, like how he is able to create amazing portraits of the people he meets without consistent reference. It's incredible and works back to the whole great at remembering faces thing. Same goes for animals.

- He is very curious. He is always touching things, looking at things, critiquing things, and trying to understand how they work.

- He generally refuses to be emotionally open with men and does it only with women- this could be due to the idea of the Cult of Domesticity. I've made a post about it before. Compare him speaking with the nun to Reverend Swanson. Compare him speaking to John about Dutch leaving him to him speaking to Sadie about Dutch leaving him.

- He is very connected or is fond of artistic people. He and Mary Beth talk about their journals. He is fond of Albert Mason's photography and helps him out. He is interested in Charles Chataney's artistic work, even if he doesn't like it or connect with it.

- Since a lot of camp members respond to Arthur's antagonizations with something like "not again" or "I knew I'd be next", it's safe to assume Arthur will go off on people from time to time, regardless if you play high or low honor.

- Does not have a fixed temperament. In some missions, he is more energetic and in others, he is more downtrodden. Very realistic and I fucking love it.

- Has direct eye content at all times- will look anyone in the eye and does not give a fuck. NPCs will look away from him if he stares at them.

- Gets mad when men don't behave like men, especially when it concerns women. He gets pissed at John for not stepping up and being a man to his family. He gets annoyed and even pissed off when asking why Beau couldn't have helped Penelope Braithwaite as she is his woman.

- Given how the camp falls to shit whenever Arthur isn't donating, we can safely conclude that Arthur is the most valuable member of that camp, bar maybe Hosea and Dutch.

- He is very reminiscent of the Dark Romantic, which is really interesting as a lot of times, it can be looked at as the middle ground between Romantacism and Realism, two ideologies that were very popular in the 19th century. I will make a full analysis regarding this later.

- Introverted, but not shy at all. In fact, he's very charismatic and is just as good as dealing with people as Dutch and Hosea (The Riverboat Mission) This 'dumb, mumbling' cowboy thing he's dumbed down to in the fandom is an insult to his character.

- He probably acted like a father figure to Jamie Gillis when he was still with Mary, given the fact that he taught him how to ride a horse. Will probably also make a full post about this later.

- Some people say that Arthur is around 5'10-11. Others say He's 6'0-3. Whatever his height actually is, he's still way taller than the average man during this time period, who was around 5'6. Now imagine that with muscles and armed to the teeth- fucking terrifying.

- Very sentimental. He keeps a photo of his supposedly no good Pa and wears his hat. He keeps a photo of his mother who he doesn't really remember at all. He keeps a photo of his dog, a horseshoe that probably belonged to a dead and beloved horse. He keeps a flower from his mother. Keeps a photo of Mary as well. If he had a photo of Isaac, he'd probably keep that too.

-Arthur died at 36 years old from Tuberculosis if you play high honor. The real gunslinger and outlaw Doc Holliday died at the same exact age and the same exact way.

- Genuinely doesn't give a fuck about movements, social issues, and cultural issues, but does care about individual people.

- I love him

- So fucking much

- 😃

[aestherin]

notes | kazuha x gn! reader

hcs

random headcanons because i had a brainrot session otw back to my dorm :D (also not proofread :>)

also may be considered a stand-alone but may also be viewed as kazuha from my keep my heart smau hehe (would actually be very in character since he's a lit major there) ^^

kazuha, who shared several major classes with you on your third year of university

kazuha, who by chance sat beside you on the first day and opted to just sit at that spot for the whole academic year

kazuha, who impulsively and secretly wrote a haiku on his notes app when he heard your voice for the first time

kazuha, whose interest was piqued by you when he got to read the works you've written when your professors required you to exchange papers and critique each other's works

kazuha, whose eyes subconsciously always trail back to you whenever they find the perfect chance

kazuha, who did not realize it until his friend venti told him about how he's making everything so obvious

kazuha, whose heart jumped and dropped at the same time when the two of you got paired for a certain literary project

kazuha, who tried so hard to hide his flushed face when the distance between the two of you became close to nothing as you two wrote down words on the same piece of paper

kazuha, who only realized how deep he has fallen when you smiled genuinely at him for the first time

kazuha, who stayed up in his room that whole night after that revelation

kazuha, who, for the first time ever in his life, could not come up with words to explain what he was feeling

kazuha, who started writing anonymous messages addressed to you on little post-its

kazuha, who started attaching those post-its to your bag every time he finds a chance

kazuha, who starts looking forward to writing you short poems and short notes every single day

kazuha, who is perplexed by the note he found attached to his bag once he got back from the restroom

kazuha, whose brows furrow even deeper once he realizes that it was the exact same note he had stuck to your bag earlier that day

kazuha, who felt his heart overwhelm his whole being when he spotted a very familiar penmanship at the bottom of the paper

i know your handwriting, kaedehara ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) would you care to send me more of these cute little messages at [contact number]? (,,>﹏<,,)

kazuha, who almost dropped his phone as he attempted to type as swift as he could with his hands shaking

kazuha, who swore that he would never ever waste the golden opportunity that you gave him

[sunderwight]

Thinking about a bingqiu Dreamling AU where Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are both bored deities, just sort of taking a brief sojourn through the mortal world to shoot the shit and see some interesting monster or other that Shen Yuan has heard about, when they come across a tea house and decide to take a break and do some people-watching instead.

Shen Yuan is well into something of a shut-in phase, which Shang Qinghua doesn't like, mostly because when Shen Yuan is in those phases he doesn't do particularly well either. Shen Yuan's a social butterfly, for however little he cares to actually acknowledge it about himself, and his critique of Shang Qinghua's literary masterpieces gets so much harsher when he's not getting enough enrichment.

So when they overhear one of the kitchen boys solemnly insisting that he is going to do everything in his power to never die, and Shen Yuan laments that the boy would probably regret such a wish if it came true, Shang Qinghua decides to bestow a rare bit of godly power onto this mortal and grant his wish.

He doesn't make him a god, of course, that wouldn't even be in his ability. At least, not without using up more time and effort than he's prepared to expend on this one random kid. But immortality on its own is not that difficult. The boy will still finish growing up, and will still be able to be harmed, to know hunger and pain and illness. It just won't ever kill him.

Shen Yuan sighs that it's a cruel thing to do to a mortal, especially one with such low odds of ever cultivating other skills to mitigate the potential torment of it all. But Shang Qinghua just shrugs and they place bets, that this boy will ask for the immortality to be revoked in a hundred years, or two hundred, or so on, or else he won't. Shen Qingqiu approaches the kitchen boy and flusters and bewilders him by telling him to meet him back here again in a hundred years time.

A hundred years later, the tea house is larger. The boy has grown to be a striking young man, who looks at Shen Yuan with wariness and something else, something almost like awe, as he asks what manner of creature he's made this bargain with. Shen Yuan assures him that he has no nefarious intentions, and instead asks Luo Binghe how the past century of his life has gone.

Horribly, at least at first. Binghe's mother had already died by the time they met, but afterwards he managed to earn enough money to travel to a nearby sect. Working in the tea house's kitchen was just a minor stopover along the way. Shen Yuan was wrong, it seems, about his odds of becoming a cultivator -- Luo Binghe earned entry as a disciple.

Yet, he had no success. The master who took him on was unaccountably cruel and mercurial, and Luo Binghe's attempts to cultivate failed. Looking back he sees now that there were many times when he should have died but didn't, but when it was all happening he just thought himself lucky. At least until an enemy sect attacked a cultivation conference, and he suffered mortal wounds that absolutely should have killed him (or anyone) but still didn't die. (No demon race or abyss in this AU, but there are still demonic and fantastical creatures.)

His cruel master, upon witnessing this, accused him of heretical practices and tried to kill him as well by flinging him off the edge of a gorge. The fall was terrible. Binghe lay at the bottom in a horrifying state, injured beyond reason and yet, still, he didn't die. Eventually his body recovered enough for him to drag himself out, and once he did the only thing on his mind was getting revenge. For the next several decades he managed to ingratiate himself to all manner of potential allies, forging alliances, accumulating blackmail, and convincing people that he had to be some powerful cultivator through his supernatural resilience, lack of visible aging, and a lot of bluffing. He got revenge on his old teacher, drove his first sect into ruin, and rose to prominence as a feared and respected leader of the cultivation world.

Shen Yuan listens with clear interest, asking plenty of questions and seemingly quite taken up with the story. At the conclusion, Luo Binghe admits that his actual cultivation is still mostly a matter of smoke and mirrors, and wonders if -- now that the hundred years have passed -- Shen Yuan means to strip his immortality from him.

Shen Yuan asks if Luo Binghe wants that. When Luo Binghe says no, he accepts the answer, and tells him to meet him back here again in another hundred years. Luo Binghe calls after him, but before he can ask anything more, Shen Yuan has disappeared again.

A hundred years later, Binghe arrives back at the tea house with an entourage befitting of an emperor. The tea house has also expanded. Luo Binghe orders a lavish feast from them, which everyone hastens to provide. He's spent the past several decades consolidating his power, forging alliances with key political players via several marriages, producing heirs, and crushing his enemies. As he brags about the state of his massive harem to Shen Yuan, the deity's eyes begin to glaze over. He doesn't seem impressed. He also doesn't seem to care much for the food, and eventually his attention is stolen away by a conversation at another table. The diners are discussing the exploits of a promising new poet and novelist. Try as he might, Luo Binghe fails to regain Shen Yuan's attention before the evening is done. Shen Yuan doesn't think it's a big deal -- after all, if Binghe is still riding on top of the world, he's probably not going to want his immortality gift revoked just yet!

Another hundred years go by. The tea house has returned to a more modest situation, the next time Shen Yuan sets foot in it. He waits an unusually long while for his guest to arrive, and when he does, he's almost stopped at the door by the tea house's servers. It's only when Shen Yuan bids them let him through that Luo Binghe is able to come to the table, almost collapsing against it and desperately falling onto the arrangement of snacks with obvious hunger.

Shen Yuan wonders if this, now, will be when the boy (no longer a boy) asks for the immortality to be revoked. Surprisingly, he finds himself resistant to the idea, even though it's also clear that the game has run too long. Maybe hundred year check-ins were too short? He doesn't like the implications of what's gone on, even if he's not really surprised about it either.

Between desperate mouthfuls of food, Luo Binghe explains that without mastering inedia, going hungry but never dying is a deeply unpleasant experience. Shen Yuan orders more food. Once Binghe has finally eaten his fill, he begins, haltingly, to explain his situation. His clothes are ragged, he is painfully thin, and his gaze is haunted.

Apparently, several of his wives conspired to assassinate him, despite his reputation as unkillable. Realizing that most poisons and such didn't kill him, but that he could still be incapacitated, they hatched a scheme to dose his food with a powerful sleeping agent, and then walled him up in a famous ancestral tomb. They went to great length to ensure that it was impossible to escape from. It took Binghe decades to do it anyway, digging away at the floors, and when he got out he found that his power base had collapsed. In-fighting and the incursion of his enemies had led to the deaths of all of his children, and what wives had survived had either fled or remarried. Not that he particularly wanted them back at that point, since the ones actually most loyal to him had also been killed early on after his own "death". His face marked him, to the eyes of his enemy, as a surviving descendant of himself. He was hunted down, chased across the continent and back again, until he managed to fall into enough obscurity that his pursuers abandoned the chase. Except that he has nothing, and any time he tries to regain something, he runs the risk of being hounded again. Those who might see some potential in him still remember the collapse of his recent "dynasty" and slam doors in his face, or else try and turn him over to those now in power in pursuit of a reward. Those who don't know that much see only a dirty beggar, and usually run him off on that basis instead.

Shen Yuan, almost hesitant, asks if Luo Binghe would like to have his immortality revoked.

Luo Binghe declines. How will he be able to take revenge on those who wronged him if he is dead? He has a hit list a mile long by now.

Which is definitely not the most noble of reasons to persist, but Shen Yuan finds himself reluctant to ask twice. Instead he orders more food, and then even reserves one of the traveler's rooms above the tea house for several days. By then the sky is turning grey, and Luo Binghe is losing his apparent battle with exhaustion. Shen Yuan presses the key into his hand, thinking it's probably not enough, but there are limits to how much gods are supposed to interfere and Shang Qinghua already stretched them to the breaking point with this entire scenario.

He leaves, not seeing the hand that reaches after him just before he is out of the door and gone.

Another hundred years pass. This time, Shen Yuan arrives to find Luo Binghe already waiting for him. He isn't surprised to see that Binghe's situation has visibly improved -- maybe he was keeping closer tabs on him, just a little bit, for this past while. If only to be sure he wouldn't have to warn the tea house workers to expect an unorthodox visitor again! But no, Binghe has been doing well enough for himself. No more harems or thrones, though. He dresses more like a well-off merchant now, deliberately posing as his own mortal descendant rather than as a great immortal cultivator. The food at the table looks far more delicious than usual too (Binghe commandeered the tea house's kitchen himself this time). As they chat, Shen Yuan is regaled with the exploits of Luo Binghe's travels and adventures, how even though he initially set out to claim revenge on those who overthrew him, by the time he was in a position to actually do so they had already died of the usual causes (time, illness, their own schemes backfiring, etc). Subsequently, only their children and grandchildren were left with the scraps of power they had obtained, and when one of those children employed Luo Binghe as a bodyguard, his initial plan to assassinate them eventually fell by the wayside. After all, the wrongdoings weren't actually theirs. From that point, Binghe was able to restore himself to a more comfortable life, joining his new employer on their travels until he had set aside enough earnings to take his leave before his youthful good-looks earned him suspicion. He then began investing in travel and trade, specifically cargo ships, because never spending too long in the same place or around the same people helped disguise his immortality. He had found that, at least for now, this served him better than playing the part of a cultivator. It also gave him time to try and actually repair his ruined cultivation base somewhat, and fighting pirates proved very diverting.

Binghe is midway through recounting his adventures with a gigantic sea monster, while Shen Yuan hangs on every word, when they're interrupted by the arrival of a brash young mistress, clearly wealthy and trained in cultivation. The young lady declares that there is a rumor that a fallen god and a demon meet in this tea house once a century, that they wield strange powers, etc etc, and she intends to interrogate them both with the assistance of her hired muscle and her own spiritual weapon, and discover the truth of the matter. Then she whips out, well, a whip!

Before Shen Yuan can deal with the matter, Luo Binghe is already on his feet, disarming the goons and breaking a few arms in the process. Shen Yuan is so distracted that he almost misses the whip aimed right for him, but before Binghe can catch the barbed weapon with his bare hand (wtf, Binghe, no) Shen Yuan deflects it with a wave of his fan, and then efficiently knocks the troublesome young lady unconscious. The hired muscle flees, Shen Yuan arranges for their assailant to be placed in a room upstairs until she regains consciousness, and he and Binghe resume their meal and conversation in relative peace.

Even though it's clear that Luo Binghe has not yet reached the end of his tolerance for life, Shen Yuan nevertheless finds himself strangely reluctant to part ways at the end of the night. Still, he does, because that's what is expected of him, gently denying Luo Binghe's suggestions that they find some other establishment to continue their conversation at. He also has to investigate these "rumors" that the young lady mentioned. It's probably nothing (Shang Qinghua has a loose tongue when he's drunk, and a lot of imaginative storytellers have frequented this tea house over the years) but he doesn't like being caught unawares like that. Heavenly politics are... complicated, it's best not to court unwanted attention in any capacity.

Another hundred years go by. This time, when they meet at the tea house, Luo Binghe asks Shen Yuan why he keeps it up. Why did he pick Binghe? What is he really after? When Shen Yuan fails to give any kind of clear answer, Luo Binghe shoots his shot and makes a (very obvious) move on him.

Shen Yuan, flustered, gets up and flees. Ignoring Luo Binghe's calls after him. It just doesn't make any sense! Why would Binghe do that?! He's a man who once had a harem of wives in the triple digits! Clearly he's not gay, so what was that all about? Was he just messing with him?! How dare he! Etc, etc.

Another century passes. Luo Binghe waits at the tea house, which has fallen onto hard times again. With the construction of some new roadways, travelers no longer pass through as often. Binghe listens, worried, to the proprietor's laments that this old place will probably not be around in another hundred years. He listens because he has no one else to speak to, because Shen Yuan has not shown up. Not that morning, not during the day, not come evening, and not now that it is closing time. Binghe nevertheless charms and bribes the proprietor to let him stay even after the place has shuttered.

It seems damning, of course. He pressed too hard and now his mysterious benefactor wants nothing more to do with him. Except, no, he refuses to accept that. He's still immortal. And he has gleaned enough of Shen Yuan's character by now that he thinks that even if he was rejected, he would be let down more clearly and gently than this. The more he thinks about it, the less willing Luo Binghe is to believe that he has been deliberately stood up (also, since the tenor of his confession was different from Hob Gadling's, he never delivered an ultimatum about what it might imply when they met up again).

Over the centuries, Luo Binghe has built up a few contacts with similarly strange and supernatural stories. Cultivators, sure, but also others, fortune tellers and people of strange ancestry, questionable abilities, those who have interacted with powerful beings of mysterious provenance. He makes his way to a certain gambling den, frequented often by such people, and while he flashes around enough money to draw curiosity, he collects information. Shen Yuan wasn't the only person who started paying more attention to the kinds of rumors surrounding the two of them after their confrontation with the young cultivator a couple centuries ago. And in fact, Luo Binghe has been spending many, many years trying to find out more about his mystery man. Though, too many potential deities and immortals fit his description for him to have ever conclusively figured much out.

This is how Binghe gets wind of a rumor that an eccentric occultist has somehow captured a god in his basement...