#more context than needed for funny image

[larvabyte]

pov you visit club galactic

context: my bf adores giacomo so we have a crack au about all the teams being nightclubs that giacomo visits to guest dj. club galactic has industrial atmosphere with heavy use of lights. it's very popualr with young, queer club kids. cyrus is the owner and dj of club galactic. saturn, jupiter, and mars are his biggest fans who always dance at the front and bring their dj water bottles and towels for after the show.

no context for the gummy vitamins.

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 3 - Random Screenshot Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

[imtotallyokandnormal]

I can’t imagine how confusing wanting to be hurt for sexual reasons would be for John after everything XD it would have to be very slow, but once he got the hang of it and after many reassurances, they would have a blast.

Ohhh my god ok ok listen I'll explain everything as I write it but...let's just say he will not like it at first-

Reader: gn reader (no genitals described)

Warnings: nsfw, masochism, John gets very worried but ends up very horny, John can be interpreted as dominant or submissive (I believe in Switch Doe Supremacy)

Image link: how are y'all? Tell me about your day

》☆John Doe x Masochist You!☆《

- Sex with John usually is pretty vanilla, because John doesn't know exactly how humans prefer sex and also because he's afraid of giving into his desires and hurting you in the process. So you could imagine they were extremely confused and surprised to say the least when they found out that's actually what you wanted!

- Whether you asked him to do something pretty kinky or even just something small like giving you a hickey, their reaction would be the same; completely stopping and just staring at you with the widest "what the fuck??" eyes possible.

- "...my dear- I thought humans didn't- like to be hurt-??? Why would you want me to hurt you???-"

- On their shirt (yes in this scenario the shirt stays on because I think it's funny) it's just a bunch of ???

- Even if you tried to explain it to them they'd still be extremely confused. I hope you don't mind the mood being ruined by him asking a bunch of questions because honestly he'd be too confused and worried to continue until they entirely understand.

- John would be trying to just process the fact that even after everything he's done to accidentally hurt and even kill you, you still want them to hurt you? But in a different way? Honestly they really wouldn't get it and would be apologizing for not being able to understand.

- You'd have to start out slow for him to get warmed up to it, like just gentle bites on the shoulder or something along those lines. John would tell you to tell him if it hurts too much, they still don't want it to go too far. Honestly they'd be really nervous about it, arms around your waist as he gently does as you ask.

- Your reactions are what get them to start liking it. If you moan or whimper, maybe move against them a bit, that's when their world opens up. Seeing you enjoy him giving in to his less than gentle nature, even if it's a little bit at a time...oh, it'd start to drive him wild.

- The more you beg him to keep going, the more you urge them on to do more things, to go harder, the quicker John starts to feel the adrenaline rush. You liked this- you liked their form of love, the form he tried taming to protect you. In this context, you even loved it. And you wanted more- oh, he'll fucking give you more.

- They'll start getting rough as you continue, maniacally giggling to themselves as they start to do everything they've been holding back to protect you. He'd get a little drunk on it honestly, seeing you enjoy it so much. It makes them want to see the full extent of your pleasure. They want to see you at your climax, begging or even demanding for him to please, please never stop.

- You'll be completely covered in marks by the time you both are through with each other. Of course John still exercised restraint, and if you asked them to stop they wouldn't even hesitate, but seeing the aftermath of his love decorating your skin, even if it's slight...good lord, it makes him absolutely smitten.

- Oh by the way John gives the fucking BEST aftercare this side of The Uncanny Valley, they are absolutely giving you everything you need. Snacks, a bath, anything you requested would be there in seconds flat. Anything to show you the love you want and need. But it really does make them happy seeing you enjoy a form of love he's more familiar with giving.

[bluginkgo]

Ep 8 Thoughts and Details Part 2

Some thoughts and details I had while watching ep8, and some parallels I found. And yes, I had to split this into 2 parts because Tumblr said "fack you, you can only upload 30 images :P"

Spoilers, duh

Didn't see part 1? Here it is, cause Tumblr doesn't like more than 30 images per post TwT

OMG YOU SILLY GOOBERS, AND THE WAY UZI INCLUDED V DESPITE V NOT EVEN WANTING TO BE PART OF IT TwT

As much as this entire scene was tense about Uzi eating the AS and becoming fused with it- this frame, this facking frame killed me XD Just the D: WHAT ARE YOU DOING- WHY DID YOU DO THAT- I could hear it clearly XD

Could probably be me looking too far into it, but another call back from Liam's first teaser of Murder Drones.

As many people as I have seen being upset with how this reunion turned out to be, I found it adorable and funny. Khan has no idea what that thing even is. And the fact that Nori isn't as cool and serious as she was made out to be in all of the flashback scenes and ep7 is that much more endearing. The angsty side of her is still there, much like Uzi's personality of not really liking close heart to heart moments.

KHAN IS NARUTO RUNNING???? XD

Originally pointed out by @/observer on twitter and absolute scoliosis lives on XD As well as the T-rex stance <:3

God forbid I love this trio. They've been through so much and still came out victorious after fighting a whole ass eldritch being capable of eating planets. V still V but softer and kinder, N still N but more willing to stand up for himself, and Uzi still Uzi and angsty rebellious teen that has an awesome new eye style and friends and family.

"Forget about all of this instantly, get tunnel visioned on spooky corpse robot reveal. Work backwards from there."

You know, I had a silly thought. I wouldn't even be mad that this is how Murder Drones came to be. That Liam's idea of Murder Drones started with the reveal of Cynessa entity and then worked backwards from there- creating the characters to surround the event instead of starting with say Uzi's personality, etc.

VIZZY MY BELOVED WHAT-

You know what... you know WHAT I SAW THIS SOMEWHERE-

Proceeds to connect the dots that aren't even there (Murder Drones Intermission by @/ghoulinfuschia)

But hey, that's what my brain loves to do. But funny how it turned out to be somewhat similar XD Perhaps the context was different but the fact that my brain said "hm, yes, you connect this here and that there." and I just rolled with it TwT

Overall, I genuinely loved the entire episode and, of course, the series. I'm eternally grateful for Liam creating this masterpiece and for every person that took part in creating Murder Drones. This show was the hyperfixation I needed, the thing that I've craved since being in the fandom that I had been for the longest time prior. I'm sad to see this show end so soon, but all great things must come to an end. And I'm glad I was here to see it, even if I was here since ep6 only TwT Either way, I will be haunting this fandom with my presence for a little longer while. Many projects I want to see happen, comics I wish to share, and friends I wish to meet. Until then, see you later >:P

Have a cookie for making it this far XD 🍪

[marciaillust]

How long does it take for you to finish drawing?

I'm an artist (beginner) and i unconsciously set unrealistic goals for myself and need a reminder of how long it takes to complete a drawing, Thanks.

Hi! In the context you presented it in, that is a really interesting question, so I'll try to approach it thoroughly. I hope I won't make you roll your eyes too much.

Where to start, where to start... I guess the first thing I should say is that there is a difference between time I spend preforming the action of <drawing>, and the time I spent <working> on a particular piece. The first would be counted in hours, the second one - days. I'm a big believer in slowing things down, and giving things time - going through options, gathering research and references, taking breaks every 1h of sitting and drawing - and seeing things through until I achieve the goal I set at the beginning of the process.

The goals are usually different each time: "quick design", "character exploration", "analysis of an artist's linework and experimenting with the knowledge gained", "creating an aesthetically pleasing image", and so on and so forth. Of course I don't write these down like it's a school assignment, but knowing in the back of my head what I'm actually doing helps me manage my expectations. I also enjoy being conscious of why I create - when I was younger regardless of what I was doing I had the thought "AND IT MUST LOOK GOOD AND PRESENTABLE! BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK!" ...and I think that obsession is the cancer of creative process.

Since the goals for each picture are different, the time I'll spent on achieving each one will be different as well, because the "satisfactory results" lay in different places. For example, the Marcile sketchpage was created in one afternoon, and took approximately 3 hours. The goal was to play around with a brush that has no opacity forcing my lines to be more decisive. I did that and so it is "finished". There's nothing else I want from it.

On the other hand, the cover of Asterism took about 10 days to create, the goal of which was to make "an aesthetically pleasing cover picture taking colour inspiration from the works of (specific list of artists)". I took my time designing it so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, made sure the anatomy is "correct" (a nebulous statement when it comes to stylised humans), took my time masking, and picking colours, and shading. I wanted it to "look good" to my own eyes so if something was not working I would go back, change it, alter it, move it around... that's the wonderful thing about personal art, you can take as long as you like making something satisfactory.

The funny thing is, with what the Asterism cover actually is (a cellshaded image), it could have been done probably in 4 days by the me 4 years ago. But that person was willing to sit 8-10 hours a day to draw with no breaks, she had little social life, and treated herself as a little circus seal performing tricks so that people clap around her, and the clapping was soooo nice because it meant that people remembered her and she mattered. And it worked for her! For long 10 years! Until her arm gave out, and the reality of never being able to draw again became more tangible than ever, and it's been following her like a fog ever since for the past 4 years. The me today works about 4 hours a day and every hour I take about a 30 minute break. I also don't post half the stuff I draw. There is also another aspect that dictates the speed of creating and that is familiarity with the subject matter. The less you know something, the fast you'll draw it! But as you get to know the intricacies of the process, and see all the building blocks, it will start taking *longer* because you will start accounting for every block. But then you'll eventually get familiar with the blocks and so the time spent on a picture will go down again! The cool yet overwhelming thing about art is that, there are always hundreds of building blocks. Form, composition, ambient occlusion, saturation, hue, light balance, line form...... and those are just the *some* of the generalised *categories*. And each category will have it's own subsection of building blocks! And then those blocks will interact with each other to create completely new area of expertise! This is crazy! Marcille sketch page took me only 3 hours to create because I am already quite familiar with linework - I have drawn 3-4 comicbooks worth of linework. This also means I am familiar with believable anatomy, more or less, which got utilised in the Asterism cover - the main bulk of linework got created during a 3h livestream. So.... what's the answer.... "It's all relative" is so unsatisfactory and probably not what you looked for. But you can draw something in 3 days and kill your body over it. Or you can become an expert in a field and dish the same picture out effortlessly in 8 hours. You can also split that 8h block over multiple days bringing you back up to 3 days. You could even add a whole day of visual research which might make your picture only marginally better. And even if we calculate it in terms of raw working time, pen-to-paper, like a self-inflicted capitalist tumor, that time can fluctuate still due to personal visual library and knowledge base. If I asked Tom Fox how long it takes for him to create his sketch pages his answer would probably be downward of 30 minutes. Yet I need whole 3 hours to create something *less* anatomically correct than him. And so here we are at the end of this perhaps unnecessary essay. And all we learned is this: it depends. Dry, not nuanced tl;dr, my personal timings: single sketch - 30mins; single linework pic 1-2h; Cellshaded illust - 16h; Rendered illust: 20-25h.

[skcirthinq]

I may have read "I May Be Invisible, But I Still Look Good" by @dandylovesturtles again.

So I drew. Again. (Small spoilers ahead)

The first piece is a little comic adaptation from chapter 2; context is that Leo is cursed out of his body, intangible, and unable to communicate.

And well. His family doesn't know about the curse.

And Donnie's been running some tests on Leo's empty body. They're not. Coming up with good results.

Dandylovesturtles's writing is so much more impactful than what I got here, so like! If you haven't, go read their works!

The other pieces are random scenes from the rest of the fic, with some descriptions under the cut.

Image 1: colored and rendered comic adaptation of a scene from chapter 2 of "I May Be Invisible". Raph is hitting a punching bag, while Leo walks in and watches him. Raph cannot see or hear Leo. They're both upset, with Raph's knuckles splitting open and bleeding, and tears gathering in his eyes over the panels. Leo begins to sit down, as Raph stops punching, and falls to his knees, crying in earnest. Leo turns around to give Raph some privacy, and talks to Raph, who eventually curls into himself and unknowingly rolls into Leo.

Dialogue is taken from chapter 2 of "I May Be Invisible, But I Still Look Good", Leo is the only speaker, and reads as follows: "Well, the good news is, Donnie's wrong about this one." "I know it looks bad. Donnie's not wrong about that, I mean, I saw the EEG, I know it's..." "It looks bad." " But... thanks for sticking up for me in there." "Don't give up on me, big guy." "I promise I'm doing whatever I can think of to get back to you." "I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you not to worry. I mean, I know you'd worry anyway, but at least you'd worry a little less." "You don't deserve this, Raph. I wanted to take some of the weight off your shoulders, but I messed it all up again. And now you're having to deal with it, just like we make you deal with everything, and I'm just... I'm so sorry." "At least, do me a favor, and talk to Dad? Or April, or ... Or someone." "Not Donnie, obviously, that could Not have gone worse. But you don't need to deal with this on your own. I hope you don't deal with this on your own..." "Sleep, big guy. I'm with you, I promise. I'm not going anywhere. "

Image 2: when your cursed brother yeets himself off an overpass and through a van's roof and the artist won't draw cars. (A partially rendered set of drawings featuring a blue, glitchy Leo falling through the roof of a moving vehicle, while an upset Mikey crouches on the roof. It's night, raining, and lights are zooming past at high speed.)

Image 3: Leo activated his ninpo after a character arc, just in time for the final battle! (Partially Rendered; a blue glitchy Leo, holding katanas solidifying from his ninpo, turns and looks over his shoulder. Behind him is a wall of pink-magenta flames being pulled up by the big bad.)

Image 4: Leo's family and friends are seeing him (image 3) for the first time in days. While also beating up some elementals. (Sketch)

Images 5-10: sketches of various scenes from the rest of the fic, except for 7, which did Not happen. But I thought would be a little funny if it had. 5 is Mikey and Donnie playing catch with the cursed amulet. 6 is Raph busting out of a dome made of rock. 7 is April accidentally letting the baseball instincts take over when being tossed the Leo ball. 8 is Raph trying to squeeze through a narrow cave passage, and Leo walking through the cave walls. 9 is Casey Sr. getting one last punch in on an elemental. And 10 is Leo looking up at his overjoyed family, once he gets back into his body.

Obviously, all credit goes to Dandylovesturtles!

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Kill me for mercy.

Ghost x reader (y/n)(codename: raven)

You made him promise you one thing, Ghost is a man of word but he never expected the day to keep this promise would arrive.

Warning: mentions of murder, torture, manipulation and as always spelling and grammatical errors. Pictures are not mine, credits to whoever they belong to.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

I've been having trouble writing new stuff but I hope someone likes this.

You and him were good colleagues, it took him some time to trust you, but there you were being good friends, some others would say there was something else between you and him, an unspoken chemistry.

And they weren't wrong, you and him managed to keep it secret, around the base and during missions you and him were merely teammates, but things were different once you were out of the base, you weren't a couple, let's say you were more than friends, there was love and affection, dinner dates, movie nights, kisses and more.

Both decided to enjoy each other's company without involving your feelings more, there's no room for love, the risks and adversities of your jobs pushed you to take that decision.

Was one night when you asked him to make a promise, one hard to keep. It happened during a talk after a funny and pleasurable night.

-(...) But What if one day you have to make a choice between saving the world or saving me?

- Love, that's difficult to answer and depends on the context.

- Okay, umm what if there's something wrong with me that can put the world in danger, like... There's a bomb inside me or if I... have the key to start to create chaos. What would you do?

Simon observed you, he was thinking about what to answer while he was caressing your shoulder, running his finger through your side.

- I think we both know what is the right thing to do in that case, but I'm not sure if I would be capable of doing such a thing.

- You always talk about doing the right thing for the world, well, promise me if one day this time arrives, you will do the necessary, yes?

He doubted, he really thought about it, you didn't know how difficult it would be for him to keep this promise.

- I promise.

A few months later, he lost you during a mission. You were a pilot, a missile hit the plane.

- Captain, a missile is behind me, I repeat, me and my team are under attack...

- Raven? Raven, talk to us...

- Lt... We're falling, I repeat we're falling, we lost the right engine... Fuck!

«Communication lost.»

- Raven, Respond! Do you copy?

Static, pure static was all Simon and the others heard. Hours later an S.O.S message with coordinates arrived, but you weren't there, somehow you managed to save some of your teammates, but apparently you didn't make it, of course Ghost insisted on looking for you, a radio around the location where the team was found.

- Sir, I told you, Raven saved us but didn't leave the plane on time... Y/n didn't survive.

- And I'm telling you we have to find something, any trace.

The searching of your body, ashes or bones was useless, Simon refused to believe you were dead, he was sure you were alive, somewhere.

Meanwhile, you, in fact, were alive, badly wounded but alive, you lost your memory because of a hard hit in your head during your falling, you have flashbacks but nothing of that could tell you who you were before. The people who found you always said the same.

«You survived but your teammates abandoned you because of your injuries, we saved you.»

They saved you, but the price you paid was higher than you could imagine, they experimented with you, tortured you to make you forget those small flashbacks, your genetics were modified, they trained you under extreme conditions, you were a laboratory mouse. Lucky for you, you were the first successful Test subject, they wouldn't let you go easily though. They started to expose you to private contractors and companies, they needed investors to continue with this project full of new... Super soldiers.

Days became weeks, then months, years. Ghost never gave up, he went back to the location more times looking for clues, asked all the people who were there that day with you, always the same answers, nothing new. Just a miracle could give him what he wanted.

He still had dreams about you, just like you, you woke up with the memory of his eyes or his voice, of course you didn't know who he was or why you had those dreams, your current owners always told you he was the one who abandoned you, so eventually you started to believe in their lies.

It was Early in the morning for Ghost, he was exercising when Price appeared with his laptop on hand. Simon knew that look.

- We have to talk. Look what we found during an investigation. We infiltrated some of our men in a meeting with private contractors, and this happened.

It was a video, they were talking about soldiers genetically modified, apparently stronger and more resistant than anybody else, blah, blah, blah... Then, a person called "Soldier Zero" appeared, it looked like you, your eyes, the nose, the lips, it was you, you were alive but something was wrong, you have dead and cold eyes, your not listening to anybody else in the room except for one person at your side, he gives you orders and you make them.

«This is the solution, smart and strong soldiers thanks to the liquid solution that affects their DNA, they could fight against a polar bear and win without the help of weapons, you will never have to repeat orders or have problems with obedience, they're focused on your voices thanks to the microchip inside them that you can activate and deactivate whenever you want, this is the future ladies and gentlemen.»

The rest of the video is about your skills, stupid questions from the people in the meeting, until one finally made a good one.

«Is this soldier still having memories of the past?» «Yes, Short flashbacks, nothing that could represent a risk or a problem in battle but we're fixing that little details already.»

He paused the video, that was all he needed to know, you probably still remember no matter what, no matter who but there's a small probability that you can go back to normal. He simply handed the laptop back to Price and stood up.

- When will we go to pick up our Raven?

- Today, we found the location of the laboratory, get ready, we'll go to Siberia.

Simon was not excited, he was anxious, nervous, he was praying for you to recognize him, Hoping you could go back to who you were before, he was wondering how much did you suffer all this time.

You were in the middle of your routine checkup, taking your pills, talking with the medic.

- How's your sleep schedule?

- Is a mess, I still have those dreams... About that guy, I can't remember his name but he always talks to me, as if I was special for him.

- I'll increase your dose of sleeping pills, we've been talking about this, you're not Raven anymore, you're Zero, that man abandoned you, we found you, we're all you have now.

- I know... I was just...

You couldn't finish your phrase, the alarms were active.

«we're under attack! The soldiers, Put them to work!».

You were now focused on one thing, kill the enemy, that was your order, you were following your orders, but something was wrong with you, you weren't totally under the control of the chip inside you.

You were running through the corridors when someone pushed you, you hit the wall but you stood up rapidly, the man had a strange accent, a Scotland flag was adorning his chest.

- Raven? It is me, I'm Soap! Stop!

You can't stop yourself, something tells you he's not an enemy but still you're attacking him.

- I found Raven! I need someone to help me, I can't contain it alone, is fucking strong...! Come on Raven, stop, we're your friends!

- Copy, on the way.

Soap had you trapped between his legs and arms but he's getting tired, you're moving and trying to get yourself free.

- You and your friends left me here to die!

You said.

- What? No, Y/n, we've been looking for you, we never stopped to look for you, stop fighting...

Suddenly, a new memory was unblocked, this codename, Soap, memories of him and you shooting, fighting side to side, drinking beer, his laugh.

What is going on with you? Why are you attacking him if he's telling you he's your friend, he's there for you, why can't you stop? Then your brain forces you to attack, you somehow have the strength to stand up with him on your back, like a baby koala, then you hit him against a wall to let you free, it works, you feel afraid when you see him fainting and falling on the floor, but at the same time your feelings disappeared, you are ready to continue and finishing your job when a new person appears on your view, is tall, Corpulent and has a skull mask to hide his real face, you see his eyes, those eyes are familiar to you, you have seen them in your dreams.

- Y/n, it's me, I'm Ghost...

That Deep and raspy voice, the way he says your name, the images of your dreams are filling your brain, you're remembering the way he touched you, kissed you...

- what? What's going on? Who are you? What do you want from me? Wait... No, you're not my friend, you're the enemy.

You run to him and start to hit him, Simon wasn't expecting your new strength, those bloody bastards weren't lying, you have enough strength to fight with an animal, he doesn't want to hurt you, you're still the person he loves. Soap stands up and tries to help, both are trying to contain you, trying to make you understand they're your friends.

«ZERO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I SAID KILL THEM ALL! NOW, THEY ABANDONED YOU, REMEMBER?»

- Come on, Love, I know you're there, don't let them play with your mind, listen to me, we never stopped to look for you! Stop this now!

More soldiers are fighting against the Invaders, all of them are following orders but not you, you're struggling with the memories, you feel like there's someone else inside you trying to take control of your body. You're trying to stop yourself. Simon is watching the scene, you're talking alone, discussing and hitting yourself, you're suffering.

«No, they're here for me! I want to stop!» «No, my orders, I have to kill all of them!» «I want to stop! Let me go!!!» «Soap, Ghost...please» «I will kill y'all!»

Soap is observing from afar, he knows you're not going to be ok, even if they take you out of that place, even if they find the way to stop whatever is inside you, you're not going to be the same anymore, the damage is done.

- Lt. I'm sorry, but Y/n is not there anymore, we can't save Raven, let's go, the Cap and the rest need us.

- Go, I'll take care of y/n. I made a promise...

Ghost muttered.

- it's not going to come back!

- I KNOW! lemme keep my bloody promise Johnny! Get out of here, I'll finish this.

Soap froze, but don't question his lieutenant's order, he nods In silence and leaves. Ghost knows this is the only way to help you, the pain, the suffering, maybe the circumstances are not as you planted him time ago, but the decision of doing the right thing applies to this. You're not a risk for the world, not yet, but certainly, for him, you're his entire world, and if his world is its own danger and is suffering, he needs to put an end to it.

- Raven, Y/n, stop. Look at me love, look at me!

He somehow managed to have you between his arms, hugging, the familiar smell of his cologne and the warmth of his body, somehow is bringing you back and taking control of yourself just for a moment.

- You didn't abandon me, tell me you didn't...

- I never did it.

- Gh... Ghost... Kill me, have mercy on me, kill me for mercy.

The lump in Ghost's throat, his body feeling weak incapable of moving, he doesn't want to hurt you or kill you, but it's true, you're never going to be the same, you had suffering too much, he can feel how you're trying to keep yourself in control, you're fighting with your own body trying to not attack him, you're begging him over and over to ease the pain.

He lets you go off him, You're now with a knife walking in his direction, there's tears In your face. Ghost is ready to let you attack but also he has his own knife on hand too. It was quick, he took your knife before you could stab him, his body is pressed against yours but the blood in your clothes wasn't from him, it was yours, he slowly kneels down with you still against him, you exhaled, gasped and looked at him, touching his mask, you wanted to say something but then it was just silence. He never looked away, his eyes were fixed on you, he observed life escaping from your body, you were light as a feather, your face and lips were losing color, he pressed his forehead against yours with his eyes finally closed, whispering «i'm sorry, love, I'm sorry » and seconds later he stands up with your body in his arms, he kept his promise, he saved the world, his world, he promised himself to remember you as you were before all this mess, this was his new promise, to keep you in his heart, his memory wouldn't remember what happened to you, he would remember you as the sunshine that arrived to his life in the right time but left too soon.

[blasphemecel]

Shidou Ryuusei — Taming Demons

PAIRING: Shidou Ryuusei/Reader WORD COUNT: 7.6k TYPE: Humor, Roommates, Romantic frenemies WARNING(S): Threats of violence, canon-typical football derangement, there's a cockroach (and it's not shidou 😰)

It’s on a decent day that Sae meets you and Shidou. The weather is mild without any clouds to obscure the sky, the wind is nothing more than a pleasant breeze, birds are chirping, and most importantly there are no ugly and irrelevant middle-aged men from the JFA to bother him with their whining or otherwise offend his senses.

Too bad he’s on the way to some secret deprivation tank in Ego Jinpachi’s football-themed basement to appreciate any of this.

He’d been ballsier than usual, all things considered, which is an impressive accomplishment since his default setting is audacious. Yeah, saying he wants one striker and then demanding two is a little much even for him, but he’s not going to leave a stray behind. That’d be a waste.

It’s not like Ego didn’t try to warn him, showing him actual footage to review like this was evidence he needed to present in court while making a case.

In the first clip, Rin was calling you lukewarm (there was really no context beyond this), to which you looked at him like you didn’t even know who he was and said, “Peons should only speak to me while looking at my feet, so do that or exercise your right to remain silent,” and it made Rin so incredulous that he actually didn’t respond.

Then Shidou appeared to have found this funny because he came running into view at mach speed laughing his ass off, just to shove the soles of his cleaves in Rin’s face and say, “Lick my feet, Rin-Rin!”

Predictably this turned into some kind of scuffle (to Sae’s bemusement, Rin was losing), and then you joined in because apparently Shidou was ‘copying you,’ and when you accused him of that he became super offended, and at some point the video cut off.

Fine, Sae thought. Whatever.

The second one was ominously titled ‘The_[L/n]_Disaster.wmv,’ and it was cut out from the match this whole saga revolved around. It was normal for a while until you — for no discernible reason — fell down to your knees, pulled an… unsettling expression, screamed like a banshee and said, “I’m so bored! I’m gonna die!” before stealing the ball and shooting it into your own team’s net.

Understandably the field fell into an uproar, and some of your teammates straight up threatened to kill you.

“Who the hell do you think you are???”

You sat down like a petulant child, crossed your arms even. Everyone was too busy holding back their bloodlust so as to not pummel you into the ground and get a hundred red cards to make sense of your behavior.

… Honestly? A little weird, but nothing the Itoshi Sae can’t work with.

And then there was the last video, which was also the lengthiest. Whoever edited it had too much time on their hands. It was like a full-fledged movie with a romantic subplot (between Shidou and the ball or maybe his abstract interpretations of the act of playing football), conflict (the half hour long montage of him fighting everyone, overlayed with shitty dubstep music), and even a climax (in the literary sense).

Also strange, but not enough to put off Sae. After seeing all of this, though, he wondered if Rin managed to make at least one friend, but quickly squashed the thought. Not like he cares.

The final attachment was completely innocuous, an overview of your abilities and progress in Blue Lock, and both of you had unflattering pictures in your files. Ego’s underlying question of Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? still translated.

You’re not lumps of talent or whatever. It’s more like you’re diamonds buried in a deep pit of shit that no one even wants, but at the mental image of himself digging through feces, Sae disregards the metaphor.

If Ego’s idea for an ideal striker is a raging megalomaniac, well. He sure knows how to pick them.

___

Electrocuted like an inmate in a movie running into the fence while trying to break out of jail, muzzled like some kind of idiot dog that doesn’t know not to bite people, strapped down in a fucking straitjacket, what did Shidou ever do to deserve this? Humiliated, and not in the sexy way.

To think of all of these punishments, the most cruel one is still your company.

Just watching you is exhausting him, maybe even more so because he can’t stand up and restrain your annoying ass to make you stop screaming and rolling around and kicking and hitting and whatever (all things he believes are within his right and not yours, since you’re doing them in a way that is so not fun). He swears he’s never been tired before, but right now he has no energy, and he’s not even doing anything. You have to be some special new species of leech.

That’d be kinda hot now that he thinks about it, if you’d like… attach to him and suck out his blood. But for now he needs to stay focused.

Prior to your freak-out — he’s not even sure what you’re mad about — you had to write ‘I won’t score in my own goal next time’ all over the walls because apparently ‘if you act like a child, you’ll get treated like one,’ but you gave up not even half-way through and broke the marker after declaring you’re going to kill Ego.

“I think you need to be in a straitjacket, not me,” he says with a sly grin as if this whole situation is amusing. He does share your killing Ego sentiments, though, but you’re easy to tease. Despite his fatigue from the predicament, he is still dedicated to being an irritating piece of shit.

“I wish I was!” you say.

What?

You drag your hands down your face, stretching the skin. “I’m going to gouge my eyes out!” Then there’s some more facial expressions of mental anguish before you perk up after his words properly register in your head. “Oh, you’re so worthless and perverse, but this is actually a great idea. We should switch,” you say pleasantly.

“Worthless? C’mon, didn’t you watch while I was playing?”

You undo the muzzle so he’s the slightest bit grateful to you until you say, “Meh.”

You’re being disingenuous here and one of Shidou’s principles is real recognizes real, so even this is enough to piss him off, but then again there was also the other questionable and embarrassing thing you did. “If football’s a source of life, then you’re like a miscarriage. Or an abortion.”

“What! Why?”

Wow, you are such an infuriating and confusing hypocrite. He needs to take you out on a date some time. “‘Cause the only one who should get to shoot in your goal is… me.”

Your eye twitches, face scrunching to the left like a black hole is sucking in all of your features. He looks so happy with himself that you want him to die. “Shidou Ryuusei-”

“Not the full government name!” he cries out with fake dismay.

“-if you say something like this to me again, I’m gonna dismember you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There is a shit-eating grin of a man who knows exactly what you’re talking about on his face. A slight blush, even, but it points towards elation, not embarrassment. “And there’s nothing in here you can do that with.”

“The room has walls.”

“Don’t saaaay things like that,” he sings. “Not when I’m all tied up like a lunatic.”

What does he mean by this?

You’re not even making progress with unhooking the straitjacket since there isn’t much wiggle room between Shidou’s back and the weird stand thing, but Ego shocks you through the bodysuit to dissuade you from any further attempts. This time, when you slip on the floor, it’s not your fault. After a few pitiful twitches, you say, “That’s it. I’m gonna die.”

???

“I was beautiful.” You pose while still on the floor. “Please make up some cool last words for me. For my tombstone.”

“You went from killing Four Eyes to killing me to then killing yourself. Amazing range,” says Shidou with a whistle, once again acting like the situation is funny.

He watches you try to break your neck by forcing it in unnatural positions using your hands for a bit until the effort proves to be anatomically impossible. Long hours lie ahead of him.

___

Sae has been eavesdropping in front of the door for at least twenty minutes to assess the situation before walking in. There’d been blood-curdling screams, heavy sounds of thrashing (apparently you were trying to run up to the ceiling and kept falling down and throwing tantrums, which Shidou, again, found hilarious, but all it gave Sae was a migraine from having to listen to the commotion), and five arguments that never concluded because you two couldn’t stay on topic. Many expletives and creative death threats flew through the air.

It occurs to him for the first time that trying to control the two most selfish strikers on the roster is ambitious. You both operate on an incomprehensible level of egotism, with you acting like your teammates are unimpressive circus acts and Shidou’s tendency to play as if he’s a sole soldier on a mission to bludgeon everyone else on the field. Small fry who don’t take gambles like this here and there, though, aren’t worth anything.

“I love watchin’ people squirm and all, but not like this. Can you do something more exciting?”

“What’s gonna be exciting is the sight of your nail beds while I rip them off one by one.”

The sound of an exaggerated yawn. “Your fake threats aren’t stirring me at all. Look at me, I’m so bored. So bored and pathetic and restrained and please, I need a more refreshing view.”

There’s one last, grander thud. “I’m done,” you declare.

… Nothing, for a bit.

“You look so cute and harmless like this. Makes me wanna squeeze your neck till your eyes pop out.”

You don’t dignify that comment with a response.

___

This latest development is detrimental to your relationship with Itoshi Sae. Not that you have any kind of relationship with him besides striking up the U-20 deal, but you’ve been dating him in your head ever since you saw him play on TV a few years ago. You’re contemplating mentally breaking up with him for good. That’s how serious of an offense you’re dealing with.

It’s like you don’t even know me, Sae, you cry, though you don’t commit to speaking it out loud. He’s not even here to hear your bitchfest, anyway, so you settle for throwing your minimalistic bag of belongings on one of the beds with as much hate as possible.

Shidou waves at you from the other side of the room like you didn’t arrive at this complex in the same car, and like you didn’t spend eight hours in the punishment room together. Your scowl is really, really ugly, wrinkling your skin. Seriously, sharing an apartment is one thing, but the same room? The same toilet? There is no one you tolerate enough in the world for this bullshit.

After sorting through your belongings and doing a good job at ignoring whatever Shidou is saying, you step out and head towards the kitchen and rummage through the fridge and the pantry. It’s a little strange that you’re no longer in Blue Lock for the time being. You can go eat at a restaurant if you want to, but you find that Sae’s team has been gracious enough to leave some supplies to last a couple of days.

Shidou trails after you like an unwanted shadow. You examine everything one last time before grabbing a protein bar and taking a seat at the table, leaving you with the view of Shidou grabbing whatever he can before he dumps it all on the counter and opens the blender. You frown in confusion. “What’re you doing?”

“Cooking,” he says in a tone which suggests he finds you stupid for not understanding that at first glance.

“You can’t put raw meat in the fucking blender.”

“Yeah, I can.” He rips two packages with different spices and dumps them in. “Look, there’s even seasoning.” And then he shoves in a cucumber and an unpeeled banana.

You lunge towards him, cradling the blender, your snack forgotten. “You’re gonna get food poisoning, moron.”

“Then how come I’ve never had it before???” Shidou tries to take a hold of it again, wrenching it out of your hands before a game of tug-of-war ensues.

There is no way he’s serious. This must be some elaborate way for him to troll you. Your struggle for the blender, however, is more intense than anyone would’ve anticipated because your palms turn sweaty, with the blender slipping out once you attempt a harder yank. Shidou almost manages to save it from its imminent fate with a swipe, but his reaction is not fast enough and it shatters on the floor.

“Look at what you did.” You gesture.

“You got in the way of my cooking! It’s your fault.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Were you raised in a cave? A mountain? I will destroy you if I see you ‘cooking’ in my presence again.”

He rolls his eyes and mimes a blabbering mouth with his hand as if to say yap, yap, yap. You resist the urge to reach out and break at least one of his fingers.

With a huff, you stomp your way to the bathroom in search of a broom and dustpan to get rid of the glass shards, the rest of Shidou’s arguments about why a steak shake is ‘gourmet’ and ‘exotic’ falling on deaf ears. You’re also trying to think of a good place to throw away the pieces because you’re so not telling Itoshi Sae you broke his rent-a-blender.

You return to the sight of Shidou finishing up your abandoned protein bar while trying to pick up glass shards between his toes.

“Stop that. What if you hurt yourself?! Seriously, what’s your deal?” You narrow your eyes at him while he blows a raspberry at you and the realization of his thievery hits you. “Hey, spit that out.”

Shidou smiles and throws the shard — yeah, with his toes — at your shins, but you ignore the action, your pre-existing rage rendering you unresponsive. “So demanding.” He waves your protein bar, or at least what’s left of it, in the air. “Come and take it if you want it so bad.”

“I’m not playing tag like a child when the floor’s covered in glass,” you say, despite already taking a step forward, ready to assume a stance and chase him.

You do, of course, end up playing tag like a child when the floor’s covered in glass. Your protein bar falls in the toilet. When Shidou reaches to flush it, you push him out of the way, and he pushes back, and so begins a brawl, any other concerns fading in the background.

Two hours later, you shriek out a piercing scream when you take a piss and flush without thinking.

___

You wake up to weird yelling. This is atypical since you’re usually the one who causes commotion. You laze around in bed, taking it as noise from your dream, until your consciousness clears and during your first moment being awake, you swear to make whoever’s responsible for this regret it. Through bleary eyes, you observe the room, and find the bed opposite of yours empty.

You slog your way out to brush your teeth, but the racket grows louder, and you identify the source as the balcony. Without thinking, you head there to scold Shidou, abandoning your previous task.

“Cytolysis!” What the hell is he even on about? “Ooh, and arteries!” Seriously.

“Douchebag, you woke me up. Stop screaming so early or I’ll- Why are you naked?!”

“You were really talking for that long before you noticed…?”

“Cover up,” you say, disregarding his indirect call out of how much you love your own voice, to the point you stop noticing your surroundings once you get going in a spiel. “What if you get arrested for public indecency? It could ruin your life.”

“I can’t sunbathe if I’m wearing clothes,” Shidou says.

“You literally can.”

“Yeah, if I want an uneven tan.” He rolls his eyes as if you’re being unreasonable for expecting him not to randomly be in the nude. You really don’t know how maintaining a tan is more urgent than avoiding the charge you brought up, but you don’t bother questioning him any further. “Listen, you’re not ruining this for me. I haven’t been able to do my morning routine for weeks!”

“What, so you couldn’t do it in front of the others, but you can do it in front of me? I’m way too dignified for… the sight of you. Right now and in general.”

“Snobby-chan, you can’t be for real. There wasn't any sun there.”

“You really are shameless, aren’t you?”

He shrugs, looking at his nails in disinterest. “Shame is just a shackle that gets in the way of my freedom.”

Your eye twitches, and your scowling is causing some tightness in your face, primarily in your forehead. Don’t try to make it philosophical now!

“Ugh,” you say, figuring you’re way too speechless to offer anything more constructive. “Step foot in front of me like this when you’re done and I’m going to boil you in a cauldron, you hear?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Prude-chan. Just don’t interrupt me again.”

“Call me by a nickname again and I’ll peel you with the peeler from the kitchen.”

Instead of replying, he sends you a kiss and a wink.

After some incredulous and judgmental staring, you slam the door shut, not putting much thought into the force of it. It rattles and the frame separates from the jamb, leaving it crooked and awkward. You fall to your knees on the floor and start crying — like, really bawling and torturing your throat with your wails of turmoil — and trying to shred your scalp with your nails. Shidou spares a moment from the bullshit he calls his ‘morning routine’ to laugh.

___

You emerge from your nap looking like you’ve been through the seventh circle of hell in Dante’s Inferno. It was to compensate for your early wake up. Now you stand in front of the mirror, finally brushing your teeth.

Shidou waltzes in not much later, at least wearing a shirt and shorts. He shoves you aside with the unceremonious command, “Move,” before leaning over the sink and pulling out eyeliner, trying to get in a good position.

You forget to yell at him, since you become fascinated by him when you see him put it close to his face with a look of concentration. Is he going to stab his eye out? This is so exciting.

… Shidou starts applying it over his lower lashline. You frown at the anticlimactic follow up. It’s pretty bizarre to be living with him like this, though.

Making your way around, you spit out the foam then rinse before moving on with the rest of your business. He slathers his hands in too much hair gel before beginning to work on shaping it into the ridiculous style he usually wears it in. This seems like an excruciatingly long and wasteful process.

You ask, “So you do this every day?”

“I thought ‘cause of earlier that you don’t know what a morning routine is, but are you really just gonna confirm it like that? You’re too easy.”

You almost make the mature decision to leave and do something else (maybe read a wikiHow article about how to fix doors), but Shidou proves to be too tempting of a target when he stands there, scrutinizing you with an almost feline expression as you pass by him. Twisting one of the loose strands on his head around your finger, you pull him down to eye-level, and he lets you, looking amused. “I’m gonna grab you by your stupid antennae and throw you out of the window.”

Instead of answering, Shidou backs away and flicks the one you weren’t holding. You tilt your head in confusion, not understanding what he’s doing. “My receptors are sensing bullshit.”

You scratch your chin in fake contemplation. “You know, you act kinda weird and you have this wild look going on… but deep down you’re just a lame biology nerd.”

“Me, weird?! I’m not taking that from you,” he says in mock offense.

“What?” you ask, in astonishment at his nerve to bring you up. “There’s nothing weird about me.”

Your genuine confusion is making Shidou assume you live in a parallel universe.

___

It would’ve been your third day of surviving on protein bars — Shidou keeps referring to this as ‘your fault’ because you ‘broke the blender’ (objectively it was a collaborative effort, from your perspective he is to blame) as if the blender is a cooking utensil — so you’re heading to some cheap place to eat.

“I can’t believe they’re benching us,” you say through grit teeth. The complaint serves as a distraction from your grumbling stomach.

“But the fight was pretty fun,” Shidou adds optimistically, looking extra cheerful.

Just the thought of it is making you want to shrivel up and die, but then again, there are many things which make you feel this way. “That was so embarrassing. I hope Sae didn’t see… If he did, I’ll commit seppuku during practice tomorrow.” The last statement is a promise you make with solemn seriousness.

He most definitely saw since you had a loud meltdown before you joined Shidou in attacking everyone, but instead of bringing this to your attention, he says, “Is that guy a big deal or something? You like him a lot.”

His accusation isn’t presumptuous in the slightest. The one time he got an accidental glance of your lock screen, the picture was a close-up of Itoshi Sae’s unimpressed face with a conspicuous placement of the gettyimages trademark covering a fourth of his forehead.

“What?” You raise an eyebrow. Shidou expects you to freak out again and scream in denial, but all you ask is, “Don’t you know who he is?”

He shrugs.

“He’s a genius! And really handsome, too. I love watching him play,” you swoon, caressing your cheeks. “He’s like a prince. A football prince… The best kind of prince.”

“I’ll see what he’s about during the game,” says Shidou with a grin as if he’s the professional player renowned for his skills all over the world, and Sae is some random guy. But you don’t think he’s trying to be arrogant. There’s this inane kind of excitement about him, like he hopes what you said is true because he wants to experience it.

“Hey, Shidou. What was your life like before Blue Lock?”

You can’t help being curious. Are his parents negligent or something? No sane adults would let their kid develop the habit of screaming random shit while naked every morning. You hate to admit it, but you’re concerned about him.

“No use thinkin’ about boring stuff like that.”

Makes sense he’d be a live in the moment type of person. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess dwelling on the past is pretty peasant-like.”

You smile at each other in agreement, though you’re on the same page for reasons so different, someone might wonder how you’re even managing a civil conversation.

___

“What’re you doing?” Shidou asks, resting his foot on the corner of the coffee table with his phone in hand, scrolling.

On the other end of the couch, you’re slouching and balancing a few cards from the deck you stumbled on while looking for tools to fix the door with. You’ve learned an important lesson: chisels and pry bars don’t just lie around rented apartments, waiting for someone to use them.

“I’m turning over a new leaf, so I’ve decided to rediscover patience and peace,” you say with a close-eyed smile.

The load of bullshit you uttered fuels some curiosity in Shidou, so he peeks at you over his phone case. This fake ass smile doesn’t suit you at all. You look like you don’t have a soul.

He slides closer to you inch by inch, moving his leg with himself, until he is close enough for you to see what he’s doing in your peripheral vision. Not about to let him ruin your hard work, you swat away his foot with the back of your hand, but the quick movement upsets the three pyramids and the card on top of them, sending them all toppling down.

Shidou cheers when you flip the table.

___

You’re lazing around on your bed when Shidou struts up to you with a triumphant aura. “Y’know that little problem we had? I solved it,” he announces.

You perk up, eyes shining. “You’re gonna stop screaming every morning?” You don’t even care about him being naked anymore. His ritual interrupts your sleep so often that it’s affecting your mood tracker, always starting the day off with an angry swearing red emoji.

“No, I meant the sink.”

True. You avoid making eye contact with it since it’s overflowing. In a technical sense, you know how to wash them, so it’s not incompetence that’s driving you to allow this to go on. But it’d be an act of subservience since Shidou also throws his dirty dishes in there, and you’re not going to do his chores. You will make him understand who’s the bigwig here, even if you have to eat without a plate by the end of this lesson you’re teaching him.

He continues, “You’re pretending you don’t like waking up to my angelic voice now?” Then clears his throat, not leaving you any time to reassure him you’re not faking your distaste for his idiocy.

You interrupt him and cut off the fifth tone deaf ‘la.’ “So, you finally washed them?”

“What?” Shidou asks, raising his eyebrows like your assumption is nonsensical. “I threw them off the balcony. Now there aren’t any more of ‘em to get dirty.”

He looks so proud of himself — while also clearly realizing you’re on the brink of a breakdown, if his manic grin is anything to go by — and you want to puke. Theatrically, you roll off and fall, hoping to hit your head and get a life-threatening concussion, but for better or for worse, nothing of the sort happens.

You can imagine him aiming at people with forks from above.

When you remain still for a while, Shidou nudges you like one might do to fresh roadkill with a long stick from a safe distance. “You there? Are you hibernating or something? Blink twice if you died.”

___

Your recovery lasts several hours, during which you do nothing but lie on the floor.

Once out of your stupor, you head to the kitchen to mourn your loss (not of the dishes, but for your inability to get Shidou to do them), perhaps to gaze out of the window with a wistful sadness in your eyes. It takes you a few morose steps to realize they’re there, intact. Clean. You blink.

You can be so stupid sometimes.

___

A cockroach crawls out from behind the mirror. You back away, startled by the sudden movement, not realizing what it is you’re seeing at first glance. The real horror starts when you recognize the creature in front of you and shriek in alarm. When it doesn’t produce the desired result, you cave in and yell, “Shidou!”

“D’you want toilet paper?” he asks, his tone way too casual in comparison to yours. You could be dying in here, kidnapped and tortured by the Cockroach King, and you’re convinced Shidou would not give a shit.

“No! Just come in.”

He does. With a roll under his armpit. And then he does nothing to help.

You point at the wall, your index finger accusatory. It hasn’t moved to hide yet, so at least you don’t have to be paranoid about its whereabouts.

“You just strike me as the type of person who’d tell someone to wipe your ass,” he says irrelevantly.

“Kill it!!!” You’re glossing over his apparent willingness to do just that. But your anger dissolves into panic when your imagination comes up with all sorts of alternatives that have you clutching your scalp. It could give birth. Maybe you’d have to be the godparents, babysitting every Saturday.

“Pretentious-chan is not so big and bad anymore.” Shidou pouts, as if disappointed, then grabs it with his bare hand and examines it, making a big deal out of doing so, squinting his eye while widening the other. The insect is squirming in his hold.

“Bro, get rid of it! What if it escapes?!”

He takes a step forward, beaming at you, which you read as a warning sign preceding sinister intentions. Though you want to back away, you’re already standing by the sink, the front digging deeper into your skin. You think to reach out and push him away, but it puts you at risk of coming in contact with it if he lets it loose on accident… or on purpose.

Very slowly, he brings it closer and closer to your face. Your chin is retracting into your neck while you lean back to the best of your ability, and it’s straining your muscles, making you clench your teeth out of both fear and disgust.

“The others call me a cockroach,” Shidou says. “Are we twinning?”

“Stop.”

“C’mon, do we look alike?” He has the audacity to smile, looking all innocent.

One of the antennas almost brushes against your nose. Your brows pinch together, and you’re reaching levels of facial tension you haven’t experienced before, which is impressive considering how many mood swings you flip through on a daily basis.

“Dude, get it away from me,” you beg, borderline crying.

It seems to click in Shidou’s head that this is more serious than your usual tantrums, and he hates to think he’s made you upset on a substantial level, scrambling to crush the roach and flush it away.

You relax from your ‘afraid turtle’ position, straightening your posture to glare at him. Shidou looks at you like a kicked puppy. Even though he knows you don’t have mercy for excuses — valid or invalid — he takes a crack at the worst one. “It was a joke.”

If looks could kill.

“I’m sorry.”

His mumbling is quite pathetic and therefore almost unable to reach your ears (this phrase isn’t really a part of his vocabulary, so it comes out like a foreign tongue twister), but after you make sense of what he said, your lips settle into a phony smile.

“I think it’s unfair the others call you an insect,” you say. “I mean, they’re animals, but you make the conscious decision to be a piece of shit.”

“I’m sooooorry,” he says, this time with more confidence, and tries to catch you in a hug. As if.

“Wash your hands, freak.”

“Oh, right. I almost forgot about touching it already. Oops!”

You massage the bridge of your nose. He’s hopeless.

___

This noon, Shidou is preparing you a salad. You guess it’s a bit lacking, but you only have the tomatoes and the cucumbers and a block of cheese left. You’ve mostly been ignoring him since yesterday and he took matters into his own hands when he realized you were willing to starve over this. The protein bars ran out too, which is a shame since you love throwing them in as a side dish to your cooking.

Shidou liked the spaghetti. There wasn’t any sauce, so he suggested you grate protein bars over it, and you almost vomited after you tasted it. But at least one of you was happy.

You glance at him, mulling over whether you should continue being mad or not. Your wrath doesn’t seem effective on him, so you might need to switch strategies. Though you abandon the train of thought once you see how he’s gripping the knife like a toddler, cutting the vegetables and humming some annoying tune, so you rise from your seat and approach him. “You’re gonna hack your fingers off.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll show you.” You make a ‘gimme that’ gesture and hope it translates well enough.

Instead of passing it over, a gleeful expression takes over his face, and the sight of it disturbs you, since this is how you know he’s about to do something stupid. Your hunch proves correct when Shidou wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you in the air, looking up at you like you hung the moon or some shit, full of wonder. Usually, you’d appreciate people showing you due respect, but you have other concerns right now.

“The knife’s still in your hands, you fucking idiot,” you screech, squeezing his shoulder in alarm. What if he stabs you in the back, on some Julius Caesar shit?

“You’re so mean, but you still worry about me the most out of everyone,” he says, all but shoving his head against your neck, his nose poking your collarbone.

“RELEASE ME.”

You fall on your ass when he does. Shidou’s smile does not slip at the sound of you grunting in pain.

“You’re dangerous,” you say.

“For your heart, I’m assuming.”

“Yeah. I have high blood pressure, so.”

“Oh,” he says.

You pat yourself to brush off imaginary dust and make a big stink out of it, with downturned lips and aggressive motions. Then you ask, “Were you for real?”

“I’m pretty straight-forward,” he tells you as if it suffices.

Again, you hate to admit it, but you feel bad for him, if he perceives you as the one who cares about him the most. After all, you’re not all that kind to him.

___

“Are you awake?” Shidou asks the night before the match.

“No,” you say, continuing to scroll through your phone.

“Ok, listen. Do we share equal power in the relationship?”

“What?”

“Do we: A. work as a team or D. you get angry when I try to make decisions without you???”

“First of all,” you frown, “what the hell are you talking about? Second of all, why are you going from option A straight to option D?! It’s upsetting my balance.”

“I’m trying to see if you’re toxic, so I’m taking this relationship quiz,” he says before pressing something.

There might be some sensitive sort of nerve in your temple which is jumping out right now. “I’m not your lover.”

“Yeah, I know,” Shidou agrees while continuing to do whatever he is doing, not even bothering to conceal it. “I just wanna see.” Then, after more tapping, he lets out a performative gasp. “The quiz is saying you’re a red flag!”

“Shut up.” You throw your pillow at him, though they don’t spend much time together since he flings it back almost immediately. “You are, too.”

“Is it meant to be…?”

“Good night.”

“I thought you were already sleeping,” he lies with a facetious smile on his face. “Red flag, red flag!”

___

Shidou almost breaks out into a sprint, but you pull him back with a handful of his jersey, almost tripping him. “Let’s make a more nonchalant entrance,” you say, even if you don’t need to go out together.

“Huh, why? I wanna go out and play already,” he says, seemingly annoyed, though he does slow down to match your pace, shoving his hands in the sides of his pants from the lack of pockets.

You ignore the action and reply, “Well, I belong on the field and it’s natural I’ll be showing up, so there’s no reason to be too excited about it.”

“What a load of bullshit,” Shidou says, amused. “Are you any good when you’re shooting in the opponent’s net?”

“Guess you need to give me a good show. Otherwise, I start misbehaving when I’m bored.”

“You don’t need to worry about that at all!” Shidou swings an arm around your shoulder with a grin which seems a bit too elated. “Just keep your eyes on me and I’ll get you all excited.”

You’re about to retort with something about how you really doubt it, but grow preoccupied with blowing a kiss at the audience who doesn’t even know who you are. In this moment, Shidou realizes you’re some momentous kind of knobhead. It’s rare he’s the voice of reason, but you’ve given him a few opportunities to act as such the last few weeks.

___

Though Shidou already scored once, you’ve been stuck on defense the whole time, or getting marked by that pesky guy Isagi. You grit your teeth. He’s trying to piss you the fuck off and you know it. He wants you to lose your marbles so you become a liability.

If you have to be honest, you always think of everyone else on the field as an obstacle, even your teammates. You cannot name a point in time when this hasn’t been the case. In high school, you had the best scoring ability on your team, but messed up a lot and couldn’t synergize with the rest of them, and you’d get benched more often than not. And it always drove you crazy how your replacement couldn’t play to save his life, but somehow he was preferable.

Hell, you don’t even like playing most times. Your skin is always itching, giving you this familiar feeling that you’re about to burst into a pile of angry, gory entrails. Everyone else always calls these episodes tantrums or… or other synonymous words, you’re not good with words, but to you, it really feels like Armageddon when you get upset.

You mostly had fun practicing by yourself, kicking the ball on and on, running down the river for hours. It was liberating in a way, with no incompetent midfielder to tell you where you can and can’t shoot from, or missing the spot you’re trying to go for because your plans don’t match, or everyone telling you that you don’t fit in, or any people at all. It’s one big pain in the ass, playing football, but you’re so obsessed with it.

Shidou’s second goal snaps you out of this mulling you were doing. You blink in begrudging amazement. It’s like he took flight, or ascended, or something else dramatic of that nature.

The desire to score and steal the attention from him overwhelms you.

You don’t have to be the one who’s dancing out of sync anymore, if everyone’s going in your tempo. If Itoshi Sae doesn’t mind passing to these bad, bad spots you love so much, you can move freely just like Shidou.

When the ball goes back in play, you stay back and observe for a moment, before diagonally sprinting across the field.

“Hi,” you greet Sendou, before swiping it away from him and kicking it overhead all the way back to your side’s penalty area.

He stares at you in a mix of incredulity and irritation. “We’re on the same team!”

“Aces who can’t score don’t get to question me, okay?”

“You-”

But you’re already running again, continuing the zigzag pattern.

Aiku — who miraculously secures the ball and passes to Sae after your movements put everyone else on the field in disarray — hollers in half amusement, “Where the hell do you think you’re shooting?”

All this stupid fucking noise. ‘Winning’ and ‘losing,’ ‘heroes’ and ‘villains,’ ‘sensible’ and ‘irrational,’ everyone else always lets these plebeian concepts constrain them. Is it such a crime you don’t want to let anyone chain you down?

Sae passes the ball with you back and forth while you cut across the pitch, closing in, confusing and slipping past the defenders with your flitting and nonsensical dribbling. Karasu tries to intercept you, so you kick the ball to Shidou on the opposite wing with Reo breathing down his neck.

He has no choice, but to kick it a few paces ahead of you, where you arrive after shaking off Karasu by jumping around him during the shoulder-to-shoulder tackle.

“Ya move like a dumbass.”

“It’s really not fair when I have to give it back to you,” Shidou joins in on the yelling. By the expression he’s making, you can’t tell if he’s angry or excited. “Tease!”

You’re approaching the goal line, with Blue Lock’s side focusing on blocking you and limiting Sae’s courses. Oh, you can tell he’s gonna give you a really nasty one, so you can’t help but pass it back to him, hoping he can assist you in brute forcing your way through the rabble. Everyone is more or less floundering all the way to the left, drawn to your madness.

It’s kind of sadistic when he has you scrambling for the ball right in the middle of all this mess — unidentified limbs and bodies reaching for it at the same time. You jump and mime a kicking motion before trapping it, lobbing it over your head, then twisting your body in mid-air, viciously striking it into the net with your nondominant foot, right through the clear path where no one is guarding.

“A crazy feint in mid-air?! Against all logic, U-20’s [L/n] [Y/n] secures the goal!”

You land on your back with your legs shooting up in the air. You see Isagi hovering near Shidou, who was wide open. He must’ve been predicting you to give it up. He was reacting to you?

The audience is screaming my name… But right now, I’m just kind of happy to be playing with everyone.

Huh. It’s kind of like you’re practicing by the river again.

___

Sae knows you don’t need much provocation to blow a fuse.

What he doesn’t expect is for you to also be very easy to please.

He also feels like a really big, smelly, juicy slab of meat with two hyenas breathing down his neck, what with Shidou jumping on his back and babbling about something and you taking his hands in yours before kneeling and proclaiming, “Please marry me.”

What the hell?

He wretches his fingers out of your hold, leaving you in the same position since you’re apparently too delusional to stop, huge smile on your face and all despite the rejection. Then he throws Shidou to the ground.

The phone number would cost three points. Sae isn’t sure how much matrimony is worth.

Shidou averts his interest to you, leaving Sae as the witness to whatever embarrassment is about to occur. He grabs you and forces you to stand up.

“Your explosion was the freakiest I’ve seen yet. Ka-boom!”

Is this supposed to be a compliment?

“Are you kidding me, your goal before that got me all fired up.”

Wow, and you, by all accounts a big-headed prick, are returning the kind(?) words.

“Pretty fun, isn’t it?” asks Shidou. “I’m having a blast.”

“I’m so happy and free of restraints, it’s like I’m on acid. No, something stronger. Ecstasy! DMT! PCP! Meth! Feeling this good should be against the rules! They should suspend me for doping!”

“You get me,” Shidou says in astonishment, parting his mouth in surprise. “You totally get me! It’s not something that makes sense! It’s a sensation! A state of existence! Let’s stay in symbiosis forever!”

What the fuck is going on.

You intertwine your fingers with his and proceed to dance by spinning around each other in a circle like some freaks. Sae steps out of earshot inch by inch, fleeing the scene.

___

You’re gathering your things from the apartment since you and Shidou need to leave tonight. You spent two hours trying to DIY fix the balcony door again, but the endeavor was unproductive. For him, the most time-consuming task was retrieving all his products from the bathroom.

“You know, you’re so much fun when you’re in a good mood,” Shidou says, probably still thinking about the match, even though your team didn’t end up winning.

“Hey, Shidou. Do you remember that weird thing you said?”

“What thing?”

God, of course he doesn’t register the shit he spews as abnormal. You roll your eyes. “‘Let’s stay in symbiosis forever.’ Did you mean it?”

“I already told your demented ass I’m pretty straight-forward. I don’t say things just to say them! Get it through your head. Lip service is lame.” You frown and let out a noncommittal hum in response, which makes Shidou nudge you then poke you in the face until you respond. “What’s the matter? You’re not hitting me or screaming, so must be something bad.”

“I’m… I’m alone a lot, and I mean alone, not lonely, don’t get it twisted, so this is a big promise. We’ll have to make a blood pact over it if you’re serious.”

“Hm? Okay.”

“What, really? Just like that?”

“Make it the promise of a lifetime,” he sings, before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer so you’re standing cheek-to-cheek. “You drive my love cells wild.”

The stare you scrutinize him with is one of abject horror.

“Come on, say something.” He starts poking you — this time in the ribs — when you don’t respond for a long time, but his grin settles into a thin line as if he’s possibly afraid he might’ve put you off.

You elbow him in the stomach, which distracts him from the jabbing he was doing, and then your demeanor switches entirely because you smile, point up your index finger and declare, “You know what? I like how enthusiastic you are about me. Let’s get married.”

Shidou bursts out laughing and this is apparently amusing enough for him to forget the way you shoved him back. “You’re kinda intense.”

“Me? Intense? And you aren’t?”

“Nah, I’m pretty chill.”

How you’re both this self-unaware, no one will ever know.

___

y/n to sae: Me and my boyfriend saw u from across the bar and we really like your vibe

[betterbemeta]

Hi hello and welcome people who like the fat girl vampire post!

I made it 8 years ago in response to having graduated a while earlier, as I struggled to actually get jobs with my shiny new degree.

I rarely presented femme in my life before I had to dress up for interviews, and for in-person work. I was always 'kind of terrible at it', partially because I have always been fat and that interferes with 'doing girl correctly' to a lot of our society.

Having to work as an adult likely contributes to being fatter than my previous norm, which was maintained despite walking miles between school and home, biking at college, etc.

I wrote the fat girl vampire post, thinking that the things that fat women often deal with (intersection of fatphobia and misogyny?), have to do with presence and absence. Vampires, when the trope isn't discussing class (?) also are often about presence and absence:

A fat girl is not invited to parties or events because she is pushed away from society in favor of those who are seen as just a bit more human. A vampire can't enter your house unless invited; they lack the social agency of a living person.

A fat girl is not photographed because someone does not like how she'll look in a group. Or she is covertly photographed to humiliate over how much space she takes up in public. A vampire can't be photographed because they are dead, their image can't be captured, they aren't 'there', or they do not have a soul to capture on a silver exposure plate. And yet their absence from the photograph is jarring, their 'space' they take up is obvious.

A fat girl is terrorized into avoiding mirrors, a vampire avoids mirrors.

etc.

Although I enjoy many feminine fashions and took away a lot of knowledge from that part of my life, I began experiencing a strange alienation when I would 'dress up,' as if I was in costume or in disguise. Some of this was probably due to the artificiality of it all. I only 'needed' to wear more feminine things to go to work, which is the means to an end of Get Money. But I also bought and wore things I genuinely liked, that weren't completely for the work type of costume. So that wasn't the end of it.

I reasonably considered, most women don't feel like they are assuming a form, or are in costume, when they present in public. This stuff clued me in to identifying as agender, and nonbinary. I wonder if I had been a skinny child, if I would feel the same way. Or would being given a 'full life' as a woman instead of a 'half life,' have conditioned me differently?

Because our world really doesn't know what to do with agender people, I still most frequently 'assume the form of' a woman for social reasons, and I can even enjoy it... in the way you can enjoy wearing a costume sometimes. I can't say I am no longer connected to 'womanhood' even if I definitely do not have a cisnormative relationship with it.

It's interesting to me to see that ancient post circulating now, with an artist's work attached to it. I love the artwork, and I adore the artist's work and size inclusive clothing shop. In context to my specific experience though, I find it funny that the fat girl vampire is pictured to be so effortlessly feminine in her existence. She's as close to the default as she can be and still be seen to be fat. She has 'assumed the form', too...

[maniculum]

scorpion in the 'buch der natur' by konrad von megenberg, alsace, c. 1440 (Stuttgart, Landesbibl., Cod. med. et phys. 2° 14, fol. 243v). interesting detail: the german text starts with the typical description of the scorpion as a snake with a pretty woman's face. over this passage, somebody added in latin: "non est ita" = "it's not like that". lmaoo. a paradigm shift. to ME

[Image ID: an arthropod with some odd tripartite mouthparts, a sort of neck raising its head from a beetle-like body, eight legs that end in pincers, a row of nodules along its back, and a fishhook-like tail. It is shown in an outdoor scene that makes it look gigantic.]

(Sorry for the delay on this. I've had deadlines keeping me busy, but they're done now and I'm trying to catch up on various things that fell by the wayside.)

Some remarkable stuff here. I absolutely love someone writing "it's not like that" over the description, and I really have to wonder (not that an answer is likely forthcoming) about the context. On one hand, the idea that someone is just straight-up (correctly) disputing the claim that a scorpion is a serpent with a woman's face is pretty funny. On the other hand, I also like the idea that this comment is meant to be juxtaposed with the illustration: "hey, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the giant rampaging monster you've drawn here does not have a woman's face. it's not like that."

Also, I know the scale is often not meant to be representative in these illustrations, but wow that's a big scorpion. We're back to prehistoric vibes, but this time our scorpion looks more like an actual dinosaur than any other thing I can think of. I suppose that's just my only referent for an armored creature of that size. It looks like it's a serious challenge for 4-6 mid-level adventurers.

No idea what's going on with those mouthparts, also. They need to be acknowledged, but I don't know what to say about them.

Anyway, points:

Small Scuttling Beaſtie? ½, definitely looks like it scuttles but is not small in the least

Pincers? eight on the ends of its legs rather than as a separate pair of limbs, but sure, ✓

Exoskeleton or Shell? ✓

Visible Stinger? ✓

Limbs? 8

As for vibes, I am enjoying this one. I don't want it to be near me, but it has a certain majesty when observed from a distance. Like this:

Yeah, we're still on the dinosaur comparison. 4 / 5.

And that means that this is officially the Best Scorpion So Far, coming in at a total score of:

8.3 / 10

Our bestiary illustrator was so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should. (They absolutely should.)

[wobster109]

What are Aventurine and Dr. Ratio to each other, anyway?

Spoilers be ahead!

There are a handful of clues in their first on-screen interaction:

Ratio: Without that Aventurine stone, you're nothing more than a doomed Sigonian thrall sentenced to die by the IPC. Or is that serial number on your neck a cherished memento from the Amber Lord? Aventurine: Hah, you're funny. I'll give you that! It appears our erudite friend has done his homework.

A couple things to note. First, Ratio has dug up some info on Aventurine's background, and Aventurine was not the one who told him ("done his homework"). It seems to be their first time working closely together. Ratio has "done his homework" now and not sooner, and he has a fastidious nature: if they'd worked together before, he would've looked into Aventurine's background then. I would guess that they have met, but have not worked closely before.

And yet, they seem to speak rather familiarly with each other. Aventurine tells Ratio to look into Acheron almost casually, not like his interactions with Himeko or Trailblazer where he lays the groundwork for a debt owed, and trades on that for assistance. For his part, Ratio is his usual blunt, insulting self. "Peacock-esque". "Some idiot". I don't know what a "thrall" is but it can't be anything good. (But that's consistent for him. It's not too different from how he talks to Trailblazer.)

If this is one of their first meetings, then where—and when—does this come from?

"You don't believe me?" / "Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

One thing that's always puzzled me about this image, story, whole situation: if that really is Ratio holding the gun, why does he give in? It's implied in the light cone that whatever Aventurine's asking for here, he gets his way. But isn't that odd for a fellow like Ratio, who tells you not to ask questions if you don't need the answer?

Imagine, devoid of context, that someone has tried to convince Ratio by shooting themselves 3 times. Wouldn't Ratio be unmoved and unimpressed? Wouldn't he simply say "You fool!" and walk out?

And for his part, Aventurine is no fool. One doesn't become P45 in the IPC by sheer luck. He's said to have "won a gamble against fate itself", and that doesn't happen by luck alone. He wouldn't risk his life for nothing. Either what he stood to gain (Ratio's cooperation) was worth that much. . . or he had nothing to lose. And how can losing his life be considered "nothing"?

I believe that the light cone shows when he convinced Ratio to be his technical consultant on Penacony. It goes back to "doomed Sigonian thrall sentenced to die". All along, I've been interpreting that light cone as "Look how fortune favors me". . . but that's not it at all.

It's "Without your help, I'm as good as dead." Both literally and metaphorically— "My life is in your hands."

The light cone story begins with "You don't believe me?" That's why Ratio agrees. I believe you now.

[snek-panini]

Happy Halloween! Have a book:

This is Siren's Song by @kedreeva (Hi! I asked to bind your fic months ago, sorry it took so long XD). It's an incredible Good Omens siren AU, which needs no introduction from me but it gets one anyway. It's one of the most in-character fics I've ever read, tackles a lot of the most resonant themes of the original (love in the context of aromanticism and asexuality, human labels in the context of non-human perspective), and has incredible world-building. Later parts of the fic always make me cry but they're good tears. You'll see. When I first learned that fanbinding was a thing and started looking into how to do it, this was one of the first fics I thought of. It just took me a while to learn the skills I needed before I could do it.

More pics and process talk under the cut!

So the cover up there is black faux leather and momi paper that I bought...about two years ago? And just kept on hand till I was ready to do this project. This is the first time I've worked with it and it was fairly nice, though harder to get a nice crease into than lokta or chiyogami. It felt very fragile when I was handling it but I didn't have any issues with tearing or glue bleed-through like I thought I might. It did bleed some color when I got it damp with the glue, and it took way longer to dry than normal, but once that was done it's been fine. Which is nice because I have a lot left over, so it'll probably be making many future appearances in my binds.

Look! It's rounded! I got a backing setup recently and this is my first time using it. It was Very Hard and I am not very good at it yet. But I think it looks pretty good for a first attempt, and there was really no other way to mitigate the spine swell on this one. I used a thick paper so I've got a thick book. I also tried something new with the case, though it isn't visible. Usually I make the text block and the case separately and then attach them as the last step, but for this one I actually built the case around the text. Like, boards attached to mull/tapes (sandwiched between thinner boards, with grooves cut for them so there are no bulges), then covered with momi, then leather corners and spine, then paste down the endpaper. It's got an oxford hollow, too! The tapes and mull actually wrap around the outside of the boards instead of the inside like I've done before. Endpapers are my favorite feather chiyogami. Combined with the marbled momi they make for a very opulent look, and I had just barely enough to do this. Like, down to the millimeter. I had to trim the edges and then glue the endpapers after to be sure they were right. I'm glad they were, because I didn't have a backup plan. Handmade endbands, colors picked to match the cover. Also, last note, I got the corner bits right for the first time. Measured properly, with no weird pointy bits that come out at funny angles. Very proud.

Title page and bookmark/interior shot. Did you know that some basic fonts in MS Word look different when you use a huge font size? Because I didn't until I made this title page. That's Parchment for the title, and it only gets those swirly bits around the capital letters if you take it to 26pt or higher (I used 72 here). Now I wonder if any of the other fonts have easter eggs in them like that. The ribbon is very fancy, to go along with the rich endpaper/cover combo. I think it's pretty appropriate for a mythological golden age of piracy story, as are the text ornaments:

Chapter header image, chapter end image, and section break image. It was a very image-heavy typeset. I was originally planning to only have a header and a section break, but I couldn't decide whether I liked the ships or the book/shell/feather better, and they both suited the story so well that I just went with both. Again, opulent, but I think it fits. All the images came from rawpixel, all I did was resize them.

There was a small error in the trimming process. Comes of having to calculate so closely the exact amount you can trim off, that you have to trim off so your slightly-too-small endpapers fit. I think something got misaligned when I poked the sewing holes because only the first signature is like this. The rest of the book has a more appropriately-sized margin between the page number and the edge. I got very lucky here, and I know it, and I'm never cutting it this close (lol) again. Next time we just order another sheet of chiyogami.

And that's it! I have one author's copy and one new bind in progress right now (that's taking a while because I'm learning more new stuff for it), and then I have two Christmas gift books to do, so it might be a bit before I have another book to share.

[peapodsinspace]

Hey y’all I’m here talking about misusing alt texts again

I made a post like this a while ago, but I can’t find it to reblog so I’m just making a new one

Basically, I’m just wanting to talk about how some people (and I’m not talking about anyone in particular here) use the alt text feature for things that don’t include image descriptions.

For anyone who doesn’t know, an alt text is an accessibility tool used to give a description of an image. It benefits lots of people, including visually impaired people.

They’re also handy, because they can make hard to parse images more clear, or describe audio in videos for people who can’t hear it, among other things.

That includes folks who just don’t have their sound on, too! Also if your internet is patchy and and an image won’t load you can read an alt text to get an idea of what the image is about!

Basically, they’re very handy!

Now, alt texts & image descriptions are an optional thing you can add to posts, and I’m not trying to pressure people into making them! I just want to talk mainly about misusing the feature!

(Bold talk for a girl who just spend several paragraphs talking about other stuff)

Anyway, onto my main point:

What the alt text feature is not used for is adding extra commentary.

I see people just putting random things in alt texts somewhat often, and it always annoys me a bit.

By adding an alt text that isn’t a description, you’re making it more unclear to people who need them.

And you’re making your commentary less easy to find by putting it in the alt text, but that doesn’t really matter.

And no hate to anyone who does this! I’m just trying to explain that it’s maybe not the best thing to do.

If anyone is interested in making image descriptions for their posts, it isn’t too hard! You don’t have to do anything crazy. A simple description is always better than none at all.

You can be as detailed as you like, but keep in mind that this isn’t creative writing practice, so try not to get too convoluted. (With the exception of descriptions of art, because it can be much more subjective)

You’ll just want to describe the main points of the image. This may include:

-the subject(s) of the image

-text or lettering

-details relevant to the post*

-and lots of other things, depending on the context

* an example of this would be something that adds to the punchline of a joke. Like, if an image is a cat with a funny shocked expression, then you’d want to make sure to mention the cat’s expression, since that’s the important part of the image.

Instead of “a tabby cat sitting down” you’d want to say “a tabby cat with a surprised expression”, if that makes sense

Anyway, that’s all i had to say! Feel free to send me asks about this if you have questions. I will answer them to the best of my abilities :]

Also, I don’t claim to be an expert on writing image descriptions, I just make them for my posts almost always

Also also, thanks for reading my long post!

[chuckeroo777]

Dungeon Meshi Volume 7 Part 3

Finishing up tonight's liveblog! Let's traumatize some dwarfs!

So... is it ever explained why there is all this gold? Did Thistle just think it would be funny to make "golden country" literal?

Interesting that even this early, Senshi may have been considering teaming up with the orcs. If the orcs can survive, why can't we?

Later, Senshi states that hippogriff soup is his favorite food. At the time, I interpreted this as Senshi really really liking the flavor, adding another layer to his trauma, that he might actually like being a cannibal. But I guess it's just his favorite because of the relief it brought.

That's neat. He managed to reverse engineer the dwarven navigation code all by himself.

Uh, no Laios. He left out ~70 years that occured where he lived around the island not eating monsters. He's like, 45 in tall-man years.

While I do like Chilchuck trying to look out for Senshi, I do like the anime cutting this bit. Leaving it ambiguous for the audience to figure out almost makes it more horrifying to consider.

Rocs are so cool. So many times you see them reduced to a more reasonable size, but sometimes you just need a really big freaking monster.

Fools! He's been five steps ahead of you the whole time!

Wait, if you knew hippogriffs are native to this dungeon, then why was your initial Falin imposter guess a griffin?

Sooo... how do you know it's hippogriff meat? What if it turned to pegasus? Or normal giant eagle?

A precious image. I think this is part of why I have trouble shipping anyone in this manga. Everyone is too goddamn wholesome. Also fittingly, this marks the halfway point of the manga, with the crew reaffirming their bond.

I used to think self-driving cars were the coolest thing. Then capitalism ruined it.

Yeah, but then you have to deal with the awkward mid-length phase where he looks like Falin.

Eww. Another good reason not to start that familiar cookbook.

I'm not giving you context. You can't make me. Also, why does the low-rez minotaur have completely different mammary anatomy than the high-rez one?

Is this worth checking out? Curious that I haven't heard a wink about it despite how deep in the meshi hole I am.

And that was volume 7! Join me next time as I venture into the forbidden world of post-anime chapters!

[bodiedbyteecosplays]

* Not so hidden talent on Karaku / Urogi’s part.*

Hiiiiiii I’m back with some more Hantengu clone headcanons! We are gonna tap into these talents that I don’t know why they hide 🫤 anyways, I hope y’all enjoy!

Modern! Hantengu clones in Hidden Talents!

SEKIDO

• So this angery bby is heeelllllaaa good at playing the electric guitar & piano… I’m talking years of experience since he was a young lad.

• He started playing when he was around 5-6 years old ( mind you, he’s about to be 28 ) so that’s 20+years.

• It’s not that he’s ashamed of it but surprisingly, he gets nervous playing in front of other people (other than his brothers/ parents).

• His brothers tell him that he should upload videos of him playing online and he absolutely refuses.

• He has a Red electric guitar and a big piano in his living room and he often plays when he is alone.

KARAKU

• Mr. Pleasure himself is an EXTREMELY talented dancer & he’s damn proud of it.

• He’s been dancing since he could remember to walk. His mom would always call him happy feet.

• Went viral doing a dance to Beyoncé’s song Already & Urogi was the one recording and hyping him up (UROGI IS CANONICALLY A HYPE MAN AND I CALL IT)

• Ever since then, he’s made both a TikTok & YouTube account and post shorts of him dancing or doing challenges.

• SPEAKING OF!! Every TikTok/internet challenge there is Karaku has done and absolutely ✨Slayed✨ it.

• Mans is just unstoppable when he dances.

AIZETSU

• Hear me out, AIZETSU IS A TAAALLLEENNTTEDD SINGER.

• WHEEEWWWW!!! Voice of an ANGEL!

• Another brother that has been singing since he was a child.

• The first time his brothers heard him sing, they were literally STUNNED. I mean imaging Urogi & Karaku being SPEECHLESS. HELLOOOO?!?!

• His Voice is so buttery smooth & DID I MENTION HE CAN HIT HIGH NOTES TOO. He ALSO has Perfect Pitch ( Wiki definition will be linked in for more context)

• He was singing “To be Loved” by Adele by himself in his car when it came on the radio and was taken aback by his own vocal abilities.

• Mans needs to expose his talents but like Sekido, he gets increasingly nervous singing in front of others.

• His Brothers want him to come out of his shell sooooo bad!

UROGI

• Mans is literally a Jack of all trades.

• No seriously, He can sing, dance, play all kinds of instruments and he also does gymnastics (SAVE SOME TALENTS FOR THE REST OF US, DUDE)

• He literally flaunts it too but isn’t the douchey type. Very willing to teach others if willing.

• He’s been into gymnastics since he was 4 and would always get funny looks because he’s a guy doing it but the way this man just exudes joy when he does it captures people in awe.

• He started getting into singing and playing instruments in middle school. He knows how to play Trumpet, Saxophone, Tuba, Marimba, Piano, Guitar, Drums, Violin, and etc. His singing voice is up there with his brother Aizetsu and he also has Perfect pitch as well.

• He got into dancing with Karaku in later/recent years and frequently does videos with him as well. Urogi is prettyyyy Great at dancing too. He also incorporates dance moves into his gymnastic routines he makes up.

I Tag: @hakujisstuff / @ch3rriiii-bunn , @its-freaking-jordan , @i-karaku-swear-i-dont-smoke-weed | @doesfairieshavetails @yunaarts @doumaverse

For more context on Absolute Pitch/ Perfect Pitch: