#more aroace angst
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So glad I don’t have a therapist because having to explain to a therapist why I’m devastated that my best friend got a boyfriend would probably send me into therapy
#queer#lgbt#vent post#aromantic#to the man who turned my aroace best friend grayaro ace#count your days#what is an aroace supposed to do without his aroace bestie#bro did not get the memo that they’re MY bestifriend#i love being aroace but sometimes i wish i was like everyone else okay#aroace#more aroace angst#arospec#gray aromantic
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Me, going through the romance options: Lae'zel is hot, I'll try it out. Ooh, Karlach has a great personality I love her. Shadowheart's got some issues but she's grown on me. Wyll is interesting because I feel like I don't see characters like him that often. Astarion's got plenty of angst, I like it. I'm curious as to how Halsin's bear form would work...ugh how do I choose.
Gale, eating my boots and infodumping about his cat: Do you have a good place where I can die so that I won't murder innocents I'd appreciate it
Me: I want that one
#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate three#bg3#gale of waterdeep#gale#lae'zel#karlach#shadowheart#wyll#astarion#halsin#im sorry to minthara stans but im literally never going to goblin route#i've romanced lae'zel shadowheart and astarion so far#being aroace is not going to stop me from romancing my companions#like you mean i get more angst in their character arcs??#yes please
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“I’m sorry. I became the very thing I vowed not to be.”
“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”
Art template meme (Iykyk re: the template, I couldn’t help it, it fit the scenario so perfectly)
HELLOOOO y’all heard of monster fucking, but have you ever heard of monster angst instead? Well look no further, because boy oh boy I got a lot of it rotating in my head like a rotisserie chicken.
Anyways, I do some writing for fun, surprise, this is my AU that I word vomited out awhile back. If you know the fic, no you don’t. Who the fuck wrote that? Not me.
Your typical post AC Sephiroth revival + redemption but with a twist, aka his body is too far gone to be saved so he has to deal with some really fucked up body dysmorphia along with the already existing trauma and consequences of his actions under Jenova’s control.
And also yes he’s crying mako tears.
Edit: Finally released the fic from hell 🦭
https://archiveofourown.org/works/53539471/chapters/135519682
#you thought I only liked fluff?#well you’re wrong bc I also like angst AND body horror#there’s lots of really nice post ac seph redemption fics out there#but I wanted to be quirky and different ahaha#NOT romantic aeriseph as usual#strictly platonic also bc I hc aroace seph :))) never mentioned it but now you know#if you want to hear me yap more about this AU#PLEASE PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask#this shit’s been stuck in my head for almost a year now#ffvii#ff7#sephiroth#aerith gainsborough#safer sephiroth#bizarro sephiroth#idk I just smashed their designs together into one#AU
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aaauuugh im nervous to post this. Throws this at the Toxichero fans and runs
...Also Griefer is a very aggressive kisser and Player won't admit that they enjoy it because HE KEEPS MAKING THEIR LIPS BLEED--GRIEFER STOP BUSTING THEIR LIP OPEN, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BUTT YOUR HEAD TO THEIR FACE!!! THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!!!
#block tales#blocktales#block tales griefer#blocktales player#Brad Thaniyel#toxichero#toxic hero#griefer x player#urgh im gonna hide now#im not used to drawing kissing and romance#im more of an action artist than a shipper#and very much an angst writer#this DEFINITELY did not take too many tries to get right#and this is DEFINITELY not a result of me yearning for someone i know#btw i'll be posting my Player headcanons soon#if i end up writing a self-indulgent romance fic at some point please throw a poison dart at me#because that means i thought too much about my irl crush#i am a FUNCTIONAL human being i promise#no i will not draw anything beyond this#especially with roblox game characters#in a fandom full of kids#btw if you get extremely freaky with this i will immediately BLOCK YOU#i am in the aroace spectrum#the only freaks i allow are those that do not go beyond LIMITS
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Jason Todd AK sketches I made bc I've become obsessed with the Arkhamverse recently.
(I'm not as happy with the second one but might as well throw it in here)

Ref below line >:þ

Lmao



#jason todd robin#jason todd#dc comics#dc robin#robin#batfamily#batman#dc characters#jason todd arkham knight#jason todd red hood#red hood#the red hood#the arkham knight#batman arkham series#batman arkham knight#arkhamverse#arkham knight#why is jason todd AK tumblr filled with smut??#fanon is freedom yk but#he is 100% on the aroace spectrum#im just mad there isnt more angst#batfam headcanons#he is me#my OTP#Jason Todd x PTSD
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Love struggles
#this is way more personal than my usual art#my aroace identity got tainted just because my mesh (alterous crush) misunderstood my feelings#i tried talking to him but it was no use#he saw me as me head over heels romantically for him#like no. what the fuck#which caused him to ghost me for months#i projected this onto my selfship because i love igor and i also love meself a good angst#ofc igor feels the same way (queerplatonic) but afk!feli had a whole ahh arc going on#and also because i want people to know just because aroaces aren't “inherently getting the worse treatment” doesnt mean we NEVER got shit on#we still do (and most likely the same level as any queer people)#uhm yeah rambling aside i hope you enjoy this angst YIPPIE#selfship#afk journey#phantom artist#art#self ship#artists on tumblr#aroace#asexual#aromantic#queerplatonic#alterous attraction
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i dont know about you but i think it would be really really funny if like
at some point post-canon (probably like, relatively soon post canon), mirabelle's complaining about the external pressure to change and how dating someone would really be one of the easiest ways to do so if she just got over the mental blockade whatever
(bonus points if even strangers keep asking or discussing or wondering about saviour mirabelle's partner. or offering and being weird about it. ew. )
and iunno. one of the party (thinking maybe bonnie) just goes like. but you dont like romance (relative to yourself) and shes like. yeah. and bonnie (or whoever) just goes something to the effect of well yeah. then you can just find someone right?? and you don't have to do it for realsies.
and then sparks a small discussion on who would mira even be comfortable doing that with
and then siffrin and isabeau volunteer (or just one of them, but its package deal polyamory)
anyway thats how the party attempts their greatest lie: saviour mirabelle is dating saviour siffrin and saviour isabeau!! ohmychange!!!
#ramblings#isat mirabelle#phy-sat posting#i think fake dating that stays fake dating is funny as hell and should be utilised more#fake dating as miscommunications and angst fodder and they were actually in love the whole time? lame. old news.#fake dating but its literally just so that mirabelle gets peace of mind#because im gonna be so real. im this close to lying to people and saying i have a partner just so that they stop being weird about things#and also i dont have to explain the whole aroace thing to them because its uncomfortable and fields awkward questions#....hm. reminds me of the other fake dating thing i wrote.#mirabelle's fake dating disasters
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I haven’t been able to post a lot this week because I’m reading a certain Radiostatic fanfic 🙃🙃 (aka the one that’s like 1,500 pages long)
But ofc I still come to feed after my previous month long break so here’s a WIP of Vox as Tv girl :3

Program reveal if you already didn’t know I worked in ibis woahhh
#hazbin hotel#fanart#art wip#current wip#my blog shall not go dry#Badass eyelashes#digital art#Will post full thing soon#Will post soon#I love drawing genderbent#And just loving being a pansexual mess#I drew alastor too 💀#Ok but fr that fic is SO LONG like it’s amazing but oh my god it’s so long….#The fic is radio healed the video star btw if you haven’t already guessed#I kinda ship radiostatic but I ship radiosilence more (I like angst and vox being pathetic)#And our aroace king#It’s so hard balancing my hobbies#But I tryyyy
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I fear I am clawing at the walls of my enclosure
Wanting a QPR with someone who is probably not aromantic is making me feel crazy because it’s like please please please please don’t romantically like anyone but also please please please don’t romantically like me either
Just be my best friend forever, just keep choosing me, just dont leave me🙏
#i just love my friends and don’t want to lose them#praying my friends are aroace#aroace#more aroace angst
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I write things like this:) aroace Dazai angst<3333
#aromantic#asexual#aroace#fanfic writing#fanfiction#aroace Dazai needs more angst sorrys<3#ao3 writer#ao3 fanfic#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu
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when we're talking about shipping but they end up bringing in some romantic shit; what shipping mostly consists of

#angel rambles🎀#sorry guys i am so romance repulsed#once someone mentions any romance in a ship i like i start wondering if i actually ship them or not#keep seeing like romantic jally stuff on my dash and cringed so hard#sorry guys im more of an angst/hurt comfort/dumbass shenanigans typa shipper#and if you bring up sex i am GONE#only really romantic ship i can actually imagine without wanting to kms is raeda#but that hyperfix ended long ago i dont need to remember it#i hate sex so much i don't care HOW much chemistry they have#could just be my aroace shining but still
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Writing Family Web Daily: Day 7 (1 week! woot!)
April looked at the x-rays, though Leo wasn’t sure exactly how much she picked up from it. Despite his pain, Donnie seemed to be squinting at the screen as well.
“Since the bridge isn’t making space, the arms are trying to make their own space. Like…like an animal hatching from an egg. But the bridge is tougher than an egg shell and the arms are still in development. So it’s taking forever and it’s causing a lot of pain. From both the arms and the bridge. I should have figured this out ages ago. Or at least thought giving him an x-ray earlier.”
“What’s done is done,” April said firmly before he could continue this line of thought. “What if’s aren’t going to help Donnie right now.”
“I know,” Leo said taking another breathe.
“So, what do we do? How do we help him?”
“I don’t know,” Leo answered after a moment, digging his nails into his scalp since he had no bandanna to pull at right now. “This isn’t in any of the medical textbooks I read, Apps. This is all new territory. New, terrifying territory. Territory we shouldn’t even be in because it’s impossible but apparently mystics exist and make everything possible. Including developing limbs in such a way that it causes severe pain and risks deforming those same limbs as it does.
“I just…cut short of removing the bridge pieces it’s affecting, I don’t know. But even that’s-”
“Do it,” Donnie signed, letting go of the hoodie long enough to fingerspell it. Leo’s blood ran cold as his heart felt like it was trying to leap into his throat. No, Donnie couldn’t be asking him that. He couldn’t know what he was asking.
“I can’t,” Leo answers, words barely making it past the lump in his throat. “That’s a last-ditch effort. If everything else fails type of thing.”
“Do. It,” he repeated, spelling it out more pointedly.
“No. I can’t. I-”
“Doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdo-”
“No!” Leo snapped, interrupting the increasingly messy fingerspelling. “That’s not- that’s not just something I can do! That’s rudimentary surgery. Fucking surgery, Dee. Even if I had experience in that, which I don’t, we don’t have the supplies I’d need. Hell, I don’t even have anesthesia or anything to put you under.”
#daily writing#tmnt#rottmnt#family web au#oops more angst#today's segment brought to you by a severely overstimulated writer who only just got some piece and quiet an hour ago#and the aroace Raph necklace i made for no other reason than i like it#(and because it's a decent stim while i wait for my new one to be delivered)#(i might share that later b/c it's kinda cool.)#(in a stupid way)
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"but this fictional character was canonically attracted to only women he cant be-" yeahhhhh idc man hes gay now
"but this fictional character was canonically attracted to only men she cant be-" shes a lesbian now. not sorry
#❄.txt#and u KNOW im gonna put them through SO much Turning Out Pt. i + ii type angst. im gonna put them through soooo much#tbh ill put them through the whole fucking trilogy. u cant stop me#i did this to uhhh travis dante nicole nana garroth ein and also kinda aph but i made her aroace not a lesbian#probably more tbh
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Chapter? Who, me? Couldn't be.
Yeahhh another chapter. Who'da thunk, right? This one's pretty angsty though, a lot of them between now and the end of this mini arc in Stormspire are going to be that way. Anyway, the whole series is available free over on RoyalRoad, at: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/50464/an-age-of-mysterious-memories
Have some really inaccurate chapter character arts to go with it! (Sorry folks, I'm no visual artist, though one day, if I ever start making money off of my novels, I will hire one/some! Most arts courtesy of Dalle3, though I'll be uploading a host of Stable-Diffusion generated art of my own from my own local models soon, as I'm creating character page templates with the help of Obsidian!)
#angst#nanowrimo 2023#nanowrimo#nano 2023#webnovel#romance#isekai#chosenfamily#writeblr#neurodivergent#magic#acespec#ace pride#writer things#asexuality#aroace#new chapter#long reads#read more#reading#adventure#fantasy#readers#friendship#readnow#word count#writerslife#writerscommunity#acceptance#writing
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i just finished the date episode of the rd and omggg kurosawa's little song 🥹🥹 i've always liked the live action more than the manga but the rd does such a great job of bringing the manga versions of them to life, i love it :)
kurosawa the dork ever !!!! and the fact adachi thought it was cute u are down so fucking bad my guy
and same id say the la is my favorite version of the story overall but there def are some parts where i prefer the rd djdjdhjs wont say where yet for spoilers but . man. ep 12 👁️👄👁️
#in terms of enjoyment id put every adaptation like. la > rd > manga#manga only being the lowest bc it had kind of a shaky start to me (understandable bc it was meant to be a silly twt series lol#also the side characters arent rlly interesting or endearing there personally)#but it gets rlly good in later volumes and at times i prefer it over the la too just bc so much of it didnt get adapted#rd is way better in both aspects (obsessed w how they set up the magic+side charas are way better)#and since it leans on the manga more while sometimes borrowing la stuff i think the angst levels in rd are just right#but la supreme forever and ever just for kurosawas 7 yr pining and aroace fujisaki like it cannot be better than that for me. perfect story#i will continue yearning for more adaptations tho im not resting until theres at least also a light novel and stage play /hj#my answer
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❛ 𝓈𝑜𝓁𝒶𝓃𝒶𝒸𝑒𝒶𝑒 ❜ 𝜗𝜚 𝑔𝑒𝑜 𝓍 𝑔𝓃! 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇
𝓈𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: THIS IS PART TWO! If you haven’t read [ 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝑒 ], make sure you catch up first! Again I'm sooo sorry—I didn’t realize Tumblr had a word count limit, so I definitely went overboard. My bad. (Also, the header? Just for fun—just me being forever haunted by this art.)
Summary—where the tension between you and Geo thickens like venom in the air. What binds you brews slow and sharp, a toxic mix of unspoken truths and something neither of you can name.
It’s fragile. Addictive. And as it sinks deeper, you both know—this isn’t something you can walk away from.
But can you survive what it’s turning into?
Or will it devour you both?
𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔: 18+ NO KIDS (Adults Only) This content contains mature themes unsuitable for children. Please respect the creator's intentions.
𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉: Again, this is for my dearest mutuals, @mint0hhh artist of the [ header picture ], and @lu-dao-writes who gave me the setting and plot—plus a few add-ons from anons who asked for angst (you know who you are).
𝓉𝒶𝑔𝓈: geo x gn and self insert! reader, angst (like. hella angst. cried while writing it.), slow burn, in vino veritas, mutual pining, enemies and lovers (kinda), first kiss, queerplatonic relationship, aroace rep, mentions of OCD, hyperawareness anxiety, emotional damage, (i really hurt my own damn feelings with this one.)
Every breath you took carried the bitterness of it.
You couldn’t shake the feeling that no matter how much you tried to show who you really were, there was always something hidden beneath. Something toxic, something no one ever bothered to understand.
You were a plant no one cared enough to take care of, a mind no one ever wanted to see, only the surface—the mask you wore to keep yourself intact, the version of you that was palatable, easy to digest.
It wasn’t about your thoughts, your ideas, your emotions—it was about what they could take from you, what they could mold you into.
The soft, sweet persona they wanted you to be.
The version they could control.
The version they could consume.
You were always a belladonna—a striking, dark berry with soft, inviting green leaves, so beautiful in its deadly way, yet filled with a poison so potent that no one could ever truly consume you.
Too much to handle. Too much to bear.
A dangerous allure, a beautiful venom that no one could take in without choking on the truth of who you really were. And maybe that’s why no one ever truly saw you. They only wanted the delicate bloom, the surface—the easy parts. The parts were simple to look at, and simple to admire.
They never wanted the poison.
The world didn’t want you for your mind. It wanted your beauty, the image of you, soft and harmless. And no one could handle what was really inside—what you really felt.
They wanted what they could touch without being burned. The pieces of you that were easy to handle, easy to mold, the parts that could fit into the illusion they’d built around you.
Because no one could ever truly swallow the poison.
No one could bear the weight of the truth that came with it.
The pain clung to you, heavy and suffocating, a reminder of everything you couldn’t escape—of the poison everyone seemed to see in you.
You wondered if you’d ever be more than that, more than the mask you wore, more than the pieces of you that people could control, twist into something they could digest. Before you could even retreat into the quiet of your mind, that damn poison of his move.
Your eyes catches Subaru moving closer, his unreadable gaze settling on you.
There was something in his eyes—a flicker, something fleeting, like guilt, frustration... maybe even fear?
No, no, no—It definitely unsettled you more than it should have. He reached out, his hand, but the moment his fingers came near you, a surge of panic coursed through you, and you stepped back instinctively as if his touch could kill you.
“Don’t,” you whispered, your voice barely there, trembling with the weight of everything you couldn't say. “Don’t touch me, Subaru…”
But, of course, he didn’t listen.
In a breathless blur, Subaru closed the space between you—his body pressing into yours with a force that felt more like a warning than comfort. He cornered you against the closet wall, his presence overwhelming, his eyes sharp as blades as they bore down on you.
The tears you’d already let go many times before, finally broke through again, slipping past the mask you'd worn for so long, unraveling everything you’d kept so tightly wound. You stared up at him, your voice lost somewhere between shame and embarrassment, feeling small—so small—beneath the weight of his stare.
Exposed in every way you hated.
The words clawed their way up your throat, scraping against the ache in your chest as you beat your fists against him—soft, frantic, useless. He didn’t even flinch.
“How dare you pull me into this...” you choked out, voice hoarse, each word punching through the silence like shattered glass. “How dare I pull myself into this…?”
You turned your face away, shutting your eyes tight—trying to dam the rising wave inside you. But it didn’t stop. “And yet... you won’t even be in it with me?” Your voice cracked as it dropped lower, almost trembling. “You’re so fucking possessive—but you don’t care. You never even cared how it feels on my end, did you?”
Subaru’s eyes narrowed as your words hit him—sharp, accusing, too full of something he didn’t know how to handle. His brows knit tighter, not in empathy, but in growing discomfort, in the weight of an expectation he’d never invited.
He hadn’t seen it coming. Not like this.
The breakdown—the crash out—was worse than anything he’d ever warned you about. And for a split second, Subaru genuinely thought you’d lost it. Very much unhinged, unpredictable. Maybe even dangerous…? He wouldn't admit it, but yeah, it scared the hell out of him. You looked like you might kill him… And still, he didn’t move.
He just stood there, eerily calm, arms at his sides, expression carved from stone as you unraveled right in front of him. Your voice broke. Your fists hit his chest. And he didn’t flinch. Not once. As if the chaos couldn’t touch him. As if you weren’t even real.
No sympathy. No guilt. No warmth.
Just that same unreadable stillness he wore like armor.
Then finally, his voice cut through the silence—precise, and cold.
“…I never said I didn’t care.”
It came out like glass—sharp and brittle as if it scraped against something frozen inside him just to be spoken aloud. His hand reached out—not gently, never gently—and tilted your chin until your eyes met his again. There was no softness there. Just a flicker of restrained emotion, sharp around the edges, as though feeling anything at all was beneath him.
“Not care?” he repeated, his tone suddenly bitter. “Of course I fucking care. And I fucking hate that I do. I don’t even know what the hell it means either. I never wanted this. Any of this.”
Subaru had always kept his distance from things like this. Again, Romance. Sex. Intimacy. They were irrelevant distractions—useless, messy, and stupid. People who chased that sort of connection always ended up weak or dependent. That kind of vulnerability disgusted him.
And the idea of being part of it? Being someone’s something?
It made his skin crawl.
“I’m not built for that,” he said flatly, voice lowering, almost like he was confessing something he shouldn’t. “I don’t want it. I’ve never wanted it. Not with anyone.”
There was no apology in his tone—just cold honesty.
Not cruel, but detached, like he was stating a fact you’d simply failed to see. “I don’t think about people that way. I don’t want anyone like that. Never have. The idea of it—it doesn’t make sense. It’s not worth the time. Not worth the energy. And it’s beneath me.” But there was something else in his voice, buried under the frost. Something like confusion. Or maybe even fear.
He looked at you then, fully—your tears, your tiredness, your pain—and for a second, it almost cracked through. Almost.
“Why do you care so much?”
He asked suddenly, and his voice wasn’t sharp this time. It was quieter, rawer. Like he didn’t understand any of this—like he couldn’t fathom why you would put yourself through it.
The question hung there, heavy and quiet.
Why did you care?
Because to him, it was all just poison.
And he’d never asked for a taste.
You stared at him. For a long, aching moment, the silence stretched so thin it felt like it might snap in half.
Your breathing was still shaky, your hands trembling slightly by your sides now instead of pressed to his chest. You weren’t crying anymore—but that didn’t mean you weren’t hurting. The tears had stopped only because there was nothing left to spill.
You swallowed, hard.
“Because I see you,” you said finally, voice hoarse but steady.
You glanced down briefly, eyes catching the space separating you both—close, but not close enough. “I know you didn’t ask for this. I know you never wanted anyone getting this close. And you probably hate that I did. That I saw past the version you keep showing the everyone.”
You shook your head slowly, not in regret, but in something quieter. Sadder. “But I care, Subaru. I care because somewhere along the way, without trying, you got to me. Not the cold, calculated guy everyone thinks you are. Not the one who always acts like he’s in control, above like nothing sticks. I’m talking about you. The one who still bleeds, even if you pretend you don’t. The one who freezes up when something actually gets under your skin.”
Your eyes found him again, and your voice lowered, softer now, not pleading—just honest.
“I never wanted anything you couldn’t give. I wasn’t trying to change you, or fix you, or force you into something you’re not. That was never the point.”
You paused for a breath, but it barely helped.
Everything in you felt tight, coiled, like this confession had been clawing at your ribs for too long.
“I just… couldn’t ignore what’s between us. Like, forget fucking Crowe, like he didn’t convince me shit—I wanted to talk to you on my own. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if it’s messy and complicated. I feel it. And I know you do too, whether you admit it or not.” You released a soft sigh, tired, wistful.
“I’d be lying if I said you didn’t make me feel safe sometimes. And maybe I’m the only person who’s ever gotten under your skin enough to make you feel anything. You try to hide it, but I’ve seen it—how you act around me. You don’t have to say it. I already know.”
Another pause, this one laced with something like resignation.
Your shoulders dropped just a little.
“I know this isn’t love. Not like people think it should be. That’s not what this is. That’s not who we are.” You took a step back—just one. Just enough to breathe without brushing against his walls, the ones he always keeps up, even now.
“But whatever this is?” You gestured vaguely, helplessly, between your chests. “It’s real. It means something. Even if we never name it. Even if it irritates or scares the hell out of you. We’re both emotional, but we carry it differently. You bury yours. I try to make sense of mine. And somehow, that created something here—between us—that neither of us planned for.”
You hesitated.
You weren’t sure if your voice cracked or if it just sounded cracked from the inside.
“And maybe you’ll never feel it the way I do. Maybe this will always taste like something bitter to you, something wrong.” You gave a small, bitter laugh—empty, aching.
“Maybe to you, it’s just poison.”
You looked at him then, like you were finally letting something go.
“But even poison has roots.”
Subaru stood there, frozen—your words weighing down on him like they’d been waiting for years to land. His fingers, still wrapped around your wrists, began to loosen. Not because he wanted to let go, but because he didn’t know what the hell else to do.
Because suddenly, nothing made sense. He didn’t get it.
Why you? Why now?
Why here—in a goddamn closet, of all places?
You, with your eyes that didn’t flinch. You, who always said too much and still somehow knew when to stop talking. You, who never looked away from him like the others did.
And now you’d gone and seen him. The version he never let surface. The one buried beneath a thousand deflections and a mask carved so clean he’d started to believe it himself.
He tried to ignore it. Tried to shove it back down like he always did. But your words had already split the surface. The cracks were showing. His armor was rattling loose at the edges, and you—you—weren’t looking away.
That rattled him more than anything else.
His gaze locked on yours, desperate to catch you in a lie. To find some sign that this was just another manipulation, another twisted game. Because that, at least, would be easier. Easier to destroy. Easier to forget.
But you weren’t bluffing.
You stood there, tired and unshaken, not trying to fix him, not trying to win—just being. And that kind of honesty, that kind of quiet truth, scared him in ways he didn’t have names for.
His jaw clenched. His grip faltered.
“…Why do you have to do this?” he muttered, voice barely audible. It wasn’t laced with anger. It was too soft for that. Too lost. Like he was begging you not to pull him further into something he couldn’t control.
You exhaled a hollow sound that echoed like a laugh stripped of joy. Tired. Real. You didn’t pull away. You didn’t push forward. You just looked at him, like you already knew what he was trying so hard not to feel. His hands dropped from your wrists completely now, hanging at his sides like they didn’t belong to him.
And in that fragile silence, you were still there. Unmoving. Unafraid.
Just you—the one person who had already called him out, stripped him bare, and still hadn’t walked away.
“Because I wanted to,” you said, quiet—like the answer should’ve been obvious. Your eyes didn’t waver. “You and I… we’re not stupid. We catch on fast, we read people faster. It’s not hard for us to figure out what most others miss.”
our voice dipped lower, steadier now. “And most people? They look at you and see exactly what you want them to. Controlled. Rude. Cold. Untouchable. Like you’re made of stone or something.”
You tilted your head slightly, watching him with a strange sort of calm. “But I’ve been paying attention. Really paying attention. And whether you admit it or not—you’re not as unreachable as you pretend to be.”
Seconds passed.
Heavy silence.
You let out a small breath and shook your head just a little, the barest trace of a smirk tugging at your lips. “Subaru Oogami. Ambitious. Intense. The type of guy who holds his breath until he wins or breaks trying. Always chasing something bigger, something higher—like staying still might kill you.”
"And me?” You shrugged, casual but not careless. “I’m the charming, assertive, overly expressive one, right? Social. Playful. Emotional.” You leaned in a little, tone softening. “But I’m not here to mess with you. I’m not here to fix you either.”
You met his eyes again, unwavering. “I’m here because I see you breaking. Not all at once, not dramatically. But slowly. Quietly. The kind of breaking that no one notices until it’s too late.”
You took a step forward. No drama. Just steady. Just close.
“I’m not trying to save you, Subaru. I just… I don’t want you to be alone in that silence. That’s all.” You gave a small, sad laugh. “People like us—we don’t scream for help. We just learn to live with the noise in our heads.”
The air between you felt fragile—like if either of you moved too fast, it might all fall apart.
“I’m not asking you to feel the same. I’m not trying to label this, or make it something it’s not.” Your words came softer now like they were just meant for him and no one else. “But whatever this is… it’s real. And I think you feel it too, even if it makes you sick to admit it.”
You exhaled slowly, the weight of your words finally settling.
“That’s all.” No demands. No strings. No expectations.
You just said it. Because it was the truth.
And maybe, if all he knew was poison—then this was the first drop of something clean.
Something honest, just to feel.
Outside, just beyond the thrum of bass and drunken laughter, Sol moved through the house like a shadow with purpose. The party noise dulled behind closed doors, leaving only the faint echo of the chaos below as he climbed the stairs—each step quiet, controlled.
His movements were calm on the surface, but just under his skin, something was stirring. That familiar pull in his chest, too stubborn to name and too loud to ignore. He told himself he had it handled. That he had a plan. That this was just another situation to manage.
But his hand flexed at his side.
He hated how unsure he felt.
The hallway was dim, lit only by a soft flicker from motion detected overhead, the scent of cheap cologne and spilled alcohol still clinging to the air. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t need to. He knew exactly where he was going.
And if he was being honest—something about this moment felt like it mattered more than it should have.
Find you, pull you aside, lay it all out. Simple.
He’d waited long enough. He’d seen Crowe with you earlier—grinning like an idiot as he tugged you by the wrist toward the staircase. Sol had caught just enough of the conversation to know Crowe had sent you to grab the party games from one of the upstairs rooms.
Games. Right. He told himself that’s all it was.
You’d probably grabbed the stuff and got distracted. Maybe sat down. Maybe needed a breather from the noise. Maybe you were waiting for him, even. A small smirk tugged at his lips at the thought… then faded as quickly as it came. Because it had been too long.
He hadn’t seen you since.
And Crowe had come back downstairs alone.
Sol’s brows pinched together, his fingers threading through his hair in frustration. Okay… okay, chill. You’re overthinking again. You always do this. But that silence—it wasn’t normal. Not for this kind of party.
Not when it came to you.
It started scratching at the back of his mind. That creeping, whispering kind of worry that didn’t speak in words—just pressure. Gnawing, anxious pressure.
So he started looking.
One room at a time. The spare bedroom—empty. The office? Nothing. The upstairs bathroom—just towels and the scent of cheap soap. The balcony? No sign of you. Just wind and a couple discarded solo cups.
His jaw flexed.
Next came the hallway closet. He tugged it open—still nothing.
His steps picked up. Sharper. Quicker. His heart started to thud in his chest in that uncomfortable, too-loud kind of way. His palms were sweating now, and that usual smirk? Gone. Stripped off like a mask.
Where the hell were you? He tried one last room—completely empty.
He cursed under his breath, quiet but seething. Then he stopped. Froze. He heard something.
Not loud—just a faint sound. Voices, maybe? Soft. Muffled. Like someone trying not to be heard. His eyes narrowed as he followed it. His boots were soundless over the rug as he crept toward the end of the hall.
The closet door. The very last one.
Sol’s steps faltered as he approached it. Every movement was deliberate, but slow—as if his body already knew what he was about to find. His fingers brushed the cold metal of the doorknob, the chill of it sinking into his skin. He didn’t turn it—Not yet. He just held it there, like if he waited long enough, he could will the entire situation away.
But his instincts screamed at him, urging him forward.
With a subtle tilt of his head, he leaned in, listening.
Your voice. Soft. Strained. Like you were trying to hold something together, but it was slipping through your fingers. Tired. Was that…? His stomach twisted as he heard the exhaustion in your tone. The words weren’t clear, but the weight of them was.
You were drowning in something you couldn’t say.
Then came the second voice.
Not Crowe. Not some random, stumbling idiot from the party.
Geo. Fucking Subaru Oogami.
Sol’s breath caught, his body frozen in place, muscles locking up as a wave of disbelief washed over him. His stomach dropped, a feeling of cold emptiness spreading through him, hollowing him out—No way.
Sol didn’t dare blink. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sliver of light between the door and frame. Every inch of his body was screaming at him to turn and walk away. To pretend he didn’t hear anything, didn’t see anything.
But he stayed. Sol’s shifted his body slightly, pressing the side of his head closer to the narrow gap, the cool air from the closet wafting over his face.
His breath hitched in his throat as he glimpsed you and him inside.
Subaru, who had always carried that cold, invincible air, was barely holding himself together. sharp, brooding features. His usual unflinching demeanor cracked at the edges, the sharpness in his eyes dulling into something almost fragile.
His shoulders hunched forward, like a man on the verge of collapse. His fists were clenched tight at his sides, trembling as if he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
He didn’t speak. Not a word.
But the silence was louder than anything. It was heavy, oppressive—filling the space between you two with more tension than any words could ever create. He didn’t need to say anything. His silence was all-encompassing.
It told Sol everything.
Subaru was lost. And so were you.
That realization hit harder than any argument. Because at that moment, Sol could see it clearly. Subaru didn’t just look like a man caught in a moment. He looked like someone who had already lost the battle and was too proud to admit it.
The thing that hit Sol the hardest?
You weren’t fighting to get away.
You were just standing there. And Subaru?
Subaru wasn’t pushing you away. He wasn’t trying to run. He was just... frozen. Struggling to stay grounded in a world that suddenly didn’t make sense anymore.
It was everything Sol feared. And it made him feel small. It made him feel like he wasn’t the one who belonged there.
What the hell was happening?
You stepped in—just a little. Not because you felt sorry for him, but because you saw things clearly now.
Subaru wasn’t just being cold for the hell of it. He was worn down, running on fumes. Tired in that soul-deep kind of way. And yeah, maybe those words you dropped hit harder than he’d ever admit. Truth always tastes like poison to the ones who swallow silence for dinner.
You let your eyes stay on him. Really look.
Was he always this pale under bad lighting? Lips parted just slightly, like he was about to say something but couldn't find the words? And those aquamarine eyes—usually so sharp, so damn good at cutting people off before they got too close—now just looked... dazed.
Not by you. But by the weight of being seen.
He caught it. The look on your face. No pity. No judgment.
Just… recognition. That unspoken I know what it’s like.
That—more than anything—shook him.
He let out this scoff, low and tired, like the world had finally outed him and you were the last person he expected, “Why do you always do this?” he muttered, his voice rough around the edges. “Look at me like I’m not a fucking mess. Like you get it.”
You didn’t say anything. Didn’t have to.
You’d already said enough—maybe too much.
Any more honesty and it’d either finish him off or push the whole thing straight into cringe territory. So you just stood there, holding space for someone who didn’t even know how to ask for it.
“Damn it,” he hissed softly, voice fraying. “You're not supposed to understand. You’re not supposed to see me. Not like this.” He took a step forward, close enough that you could feel the slight tremble in his breath, his walls crumbling in quiet pieces. “You look like hell,” he murmured, deflecting—but his voice was soft. “And you still have the audacity to act like you’ve got everything figured out?”
You sighed faintly. “I never said I did.”
That hit him like a punch to the chest. Whiplash, but not from the words—from you. From the way you looked at him like you already knew the parts, he didn’t show anyone.
Like you’d swallowed the poison and called it by name.
Subaru’s brow twitched, jaw tight, eyes locked on yours. That unreadable expression cracked—just a little. Like he didn’t know whether to flinch or lean in.
He didn’t say anything.
Didn’t run, didn’t push, didn’t spit venom to make the moment disappear.
He just stepped forward, slow and almost hesitant, like his body moved before his mind caught up. You barely had time to process before he leaned in—close, closer. The space between you shrank until it barely existed at all.
Then—quietly, almost like it startled even him—Subaru kissed you.
There was no warning. No dramatic pause. Just the tiniest shift forward, like gravity pulled him in and he didn’t know how to resist it anymore. His lips pressed to yours, and for a second, time just… paused.
No sparks. No heat. No cliché breathlessness.
Just weight. Heavy, quiet, real.
It wasn’t a kiss meant to ignite anything. It wasn’t desire. It was something else entirely—like he was reaching out with the one thing he did have, even if it didn’t make sense to him. A wordless gesture of, “I heard you.” Of, “I don’t know what this is, but I’m still here.”
He kissed you like he was testing a theory.
Like maybe, just maybe, this didn’t have to hurt. Like maybe everything he’d buried—every dark, rotting thing he never let out—wouldn’t destroy the first person who’d seen it all and didn’t flinch.
And you kissed him back. Softly. Once. Steady. Not because it was romantic, or thrilling, or even something you needed to do. But because it felt like the right response. Like saying, “I get it.” Like keeping the moment still enough for him to breathe in it.
When you pulled back, it wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t cold.
It was just… quiet.
Subaru blinked, the faintest crack in his usual blank armor showing through. He took a half-step back, not like he was retreating—just trying to figure out where the hell he stood now. His voice came out low. Barely there.
“…Didn’t feel like poison,” he muttered, more to himself than to you, like he was still deciding if that scared him or not.
You just stared at him, wide-eyed, trying to process what the hell just happened. Then nodded slowly. “…Yeah.”
Because deadass yeah—same. You didn’t expect that. Not from him. Not like that. You weren’t even sure if it was a kiss or some weird emotional exorcism wrapped in lip contact.
But whatever it was—it didn’t kill you. It didn’t kill him.
And that was... something.
Then—Click.
The door creaked open, sudden and sharp like a gunshot in the silence. Both you and Subaru flinched—not visibly, but in that gut-punch way where your bodies backed away from each other before your minds even caught up. You were both expecting Crowe, maybe Deryl. Someone familiar. Someone stupid enough to laugh and shake their heads and make it a joke.
But it wasn’t them. It was Sol.
And his face—It told a whole damn story in one glance. Your eyes noticed everything quickly—knew it. Shock, plain and raw, like he’d walked in on something he wasn’t supposed to see. Nah—he definitely saw the Hurt, carved right into the way his mouth parted like he couldn’t breathe for a second. Confusion, was visible in the flicker of his eyes like he was trying to make sense of what the hell he’d just walked into.
And then—rage.
Simmering. Controlled. Trying hard not to boil over. Trying so damn hard not to let it turn ugly in front of you. But it was there, all of it, coiled tight in his jaw, his clenched hands, his silence that said everything.
You didn’t move. Neither did Subaru.
And Sol just stared at the two of you—his red-orange eyes burning holes in your skin, trying to carve out an explanation that didn’t exist. His gaze flicked from you to Subaru, and for a moment, there was something almost obsessive in it, like he was weighing the truth of what he'd just seen.
Subaru was always been the problem.
Subaru was always there. Always hanging around, always too composed to be trusted. That calm demeanor, the way he acted like he was untouchable—like he owned everything around him. Those sharp eyes, those casual touches, those little looks he always gave you—Sol saw them all. He finally noticed it all. Every little thing that made Subaru seem just a little too comfortable around you, too close.
The pieces clicked in his mind, sharp and jagged, and the rage burned hotter. Sol’s voice snapped through the tension, low and furious, but with an eerie calm.
“You… you really think you can just have them?”
His words were a direct challenge. He wasn’t even looking at Subaru now. His eyes were fixed on Geo, a bitter fire lighting up his pupils.
Geo raised an eyebrow, nonchalantly glancing at Sol, but there was a flicker of something deeper there—recognition. He had caught it. The look in Sol’s eyes.
He wasn’t just pissed. He was dangerous.
“You really think they want you?” Sol spat, his words dripping with venom. “You think you can just play with them like this? Control them? Manipulate them?” His voice rose in volume with every word, an ugly distortion of what used to be affection. "You’ve been poisoning their mind, haven’t you? Telling them lies to turn them against me. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?"
Subaru took a step forward, fists clenched. “Look—“
“I know you’ve been sneaking around behind my back, trying to worm your way into their head,” Sol interrupted, stepping closer, his body tense like a coiled spring. “You think you’re so much better than me, huh? Think you can just take what’s mine?”
In a split second, Sol’s hand shot out, shoving Geo hard in the chest. Geo barely moved, but the force of the shove sent the tension in the room spiraling out of control.
Everything felt like it was about to snap.
“You’re batshit crazy emo-ass dude, like I always knew,” Subaru muttered, shaking his head. But there was no fear in his voice—only disgust.
And that was all it took.
Sol lunged. His hands shot out, grabbing Geo by the collar and slamming him against the hallway with a violent crash. His grip tightened, nails digging into the fabric, pulling Geo’s face close to his with a snarl. “Don’t you dare act like you’re innocent. I saw the way you looked at them. Saw the way you touched them like you had a right to.”
The two of them were close now, too close—breathing in the same air, teeth gritted against each other.
Subaru didn’t flinch.
Didn’t give Sol the satisfaction of seeing him scared.
With a growl, Sol shoved him again. This time, Subaru reacted. He swung—hard—hitting Sol square in the jaw with a heavy punch that sent his head snapping to the side.
The pain bloomed like wildfire, but Sol didn’t back down. He felt the blood in his mouth, but it only made him angrier. His vision blurred with fury, the edges of everything distorting as the fight burned through him.
With a roar, Sol tackled Subaru to the ground, fists flying. He was relentless—pounding into Subaru’s chest, his knuckles connecting with skin, the blows harsh and fast. But Subaru didn’t give up. He fought back, flipping them over with a growl, using his legs to pin Sol to the floor. His hands grabbed Sol’s wrists, forcing them down, using all his strength to keep him under control.
But Subaru was wild now. The rage was consuming him, burning everything else from his mind. His body writhed under Subaru’s grip, trying to break free, thrashing to land another punch, to hurt him.
The sounds of the music pounding downstairs seemed, like again, miles away, distant as the world outside continued without knowing the mess unfolding upstairs.
You couldn’t let this happen. Not here. Not now. This wasn’t the time or place to be tearing each other apart—especially not with the party happening right below you, people oblivious to the mess unfolding up here.
You stepped forward, voice forced out through clenched teeth. “Enough, Sol,” you snapped, taking a deep breath as you tried to steady the rising panic in your chest. “This isn’t the time for this. The party downstairs—someone’s going to hear us!”
But Sol wasn’t listening.
“You think you’re better than me?” Sol’s voice was barely a growl as he tried to get his legs free, to push Subaru off. “You think you have the right to touch them? To take what’s mine?”
Subaru’s eyes narrowed as he tried to hold Sol down. His breath was coming fast, but there was a clear determination behind his gaze. “You need to get a fucking grip,” he snapped, voice low.
“They don’t belong to anyone.”
The words—those fucking words—hit Sol like a slap in the face. A crack in the dam. He threw his body forward, slamming his forehead into Subaru’s with a sickening thud, forcing him to stumble back. Blood leaked from his nose, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t stopping.
His rage was deafening, drowning out everything but the need to destroy. He lunged at Subaru again, not caring about anything else. And you acted on instinct, grabbing his arm to stop him, trying to hold him back, but before you could even register what was happening, a sharp, sudden pain exploded across your face.
Sol’s fist hit you square in the jaw.
The shock of it was immediate, but it wasn’t the pain that struck hardest. It was the fact that it was Sol—Sol—the one whom you thought you could trust, who’d been there for you in his own twisted way.
You stumbled back, your cheek stinging with the force of the hit, but before you could catch your breath, Sol was already there, his hand reaching out to you with a panicked, desperate expression.
“Shit—shit, I didn’t—” He quickly stumbled toward you, his voice soft, frantic. “Pumpkin... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
But the words didn’t land.
You pushed him back with all the force you could muster, sending him stumbling backward until he hit the ground with a dull thud.
The hallway went eerily quiet for a second, the only sound was your ragged breath and the thundering beat of the music from downstairs.
Sol sat there, looking up at you, his breath shaky. He didn’t move.
Didn’t try to get up.
You stood over Sol, your chest tight with disgust, a slow, suffocating poison filling your veins. Every inch of you wanted to scream, to shout every truth you could at him, but the words felt so small against the weight of what had just unfolded.
You couldn’t make sense of it. You couldn’t undo the mess.
Subaru moved to take a step forward, but you held up a hand, voice as cold as ice. “Stay back, Subaru. I’ll handle this.”
But even you knew you were barely holding it together.
The truth was, you didn’t want him to control this any longer. You weren’t going to let him break you and then apologize his way back into your life like it was nothing. You weren’t like that.
With a sharp breath, you began, words laced with finality.
“I don’t belong to anyone.” You let the silence hang in the air, letting it sit between you like a thick, unspoken truth. “And I sure as hell don’t belong to you.”
Your gaze never wavered from his as you continued, each word deliberate, a cold shard of truth cutting through the tension. “What makes you think you and I could ever work out? I don’t even like you, Sol. Hell, I don’t even like art enough to care about that little thing you latched onto. Yeah, we both like horror stuff, but that's not some magical bond that makes us compatible. Do you think that’s enough? That I’d somehow fall for you because you want it?”
A bitter laugh escaped you, hollow and devoid of warmth.
“It was never going to happen, never in a million years. I don’t have feelings for you, nonexistent. Like whatever past life you and I had together had to be simply a pity, but even modern terms that have been long gone now.” You saw the flash of confusion in his eyes, the shock written all over his face as your words sunk in, but you didn’t stop. You couldn’t.
Sol just stared at you, like he didn’t know what the hell hit him. His mouth opened as if to speak, but the words never came, hanging in the air uselessly.
“You need to understand something, Sol,” you continued, stepping back just slightly, making sure your words hit home. “You’re so desperate for the poison that you think it’ll save you. But I’m not the one to give it to you. We were never meant to be anything—certainly not this. I don’t want you. I never did. And you... you’re just looking for something to destroy yourself with.”
You didn’t care that it hurt.
You didn’t care that his feelings were crushed.
This wasn’t about him anymore. This was about clearing the air—about making him face the truth, even if it shattered him.
Sol was quiet. Instead, he looked down, fingers twitching like he was about to reach for you again. But his movements were slow, hesitant. He could see it now—could see the shift in you, could feel it in the air between you.
And that was enough to stop him.
For a moment, he just sat there, his eyes not meeting yours, his chest still rising and falling with every ragged breath. “I—I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he muttered, voice strained, unsure. His words were softer now, quieter. “I’m sorry... for everything.”
But the apology didn’t feel real. Not after all of this.
You didn’t even flinch as you looked down at him, your eyes cold, your heart colder. “Don’t apologize. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Sol opened his mouth like he was about to say something, maybe try again, but you weren’t going to let him.
Not now. Not after everything.
Sol's eyes flickered between you and Subaru, rage still bubbling beneath the surface, only now, it was simmering in a way that suggested he was ready to snap at any second. He was convinced Subaru was the issue—he was the one who had interfered.
His hands clenched into fists once more, and before anyone could react, he launched himself forward toward Subaru.
But in a blur of motion, a hand shot out, grabbing Sol’s arm and twisting it behind his back with brutal force. Sol's breath was ripped from his lungs in a strangled gasp as he was forced down to the ground, his face contorting in a mix of frustration and pain.
You froze. Subaru froze.
Neither of you had seen it coming.
“Hyugo?” you called out, a mix of confusion and shock in your voice. That’s right he came with Sol to the Halloween party.
The once-MIA student, the carefree and elusive presence you barely expected to have your back, stood there with Sol’s arm twisted at an impossible angle, his face unreadable. He wasn’t the cheerful, playful version you knew—this was a side of him you hadn’t seen before.
Cold, decisive, and completely in control.
Subaru’s confusion mirrored yours. His eyes flickered between you and Hyugo, his expression clearly saying the same thing: What is happening right now?
Hyugo didn't respond, his grip tightening on Sol’s arm, pressing him into the ground with unyielding force. For a second, it seemed like the entire hallway was holding its breath, waiting for something—anything—to happen.
"Don’t put your hands on my little brother," Hyugo growled, his voice low, the words carrying the weight of a threat so heavy it could’ve cracked glass. You could feel the tension in the air as his eyes flicked between you and Subaru, before landing back on Sol, pinning him like he was already dead in Hyugo’s eyes.
Hyugo then turned his gaze to Subaru. "Get them out of here," he said, tone cold, like he wasn’t even fazed by the chaos. "I already called the cops. Leave now."
You glanced at Subaru, and fuck, his face was a mess of emotions.
It was pale as hell, looking like he’d just seen something he couldn’t unsee—disgust, anger, confusion, all mixed up into a look you couldn’t even describe. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good. But he didn’t say a word. Just took one last look around, then grabbed your arm, pulling you out of the goddamn chaos.
You both made your way downstairs, and as if on cue, the flashing lights of a police car lit up the night, blinding and warning everyone at the same time. Oh shit. The entire party started scattering like cockroaches, people rushing out the doors, running in every direction, looking for an escape. It was a mess.
Crowe was standing near Deryl, Brittany, and Jess, already looking stressed the fuck out as he scanned the scene. “Who called the police??” he barked, looking around for answers like someone had just committed a crime.
Before anyone could respond, he saw you and Subaru, and his eyes went wide. “Did I miss drama?” he asked, “Wait—how did you get out of the closet..?” but when his gaze landed on your face.
“Hella, broken lock” you replied, your tone flat.
Without waiting for any further questions, you turned and started heading straight for the back door, already feeling the weight of everything press down on you.
“Sorry Crowe, but we gotta dip,” you called back, barely slowing down. “I’m on scholarship. Party planner out.” You didn’t even glance back as you slipped out into the night, leaving the chaos behind.
You moved through the darkened streets, not looking back, your footsteps quick and steady. The cool night air hit your face, but the adrenaline kept you warm.
Subaru was right behind you, shouting over the noise of the night, “Hey! Slow the fuck down!” He was still trying to catch up, his voice tight with a mix of concern and annoyance, but you were too far gone in your own head to care.
Before you could even make it to the end of the block, Deryl, Brittany, and Jess appeared, practically sprinting after you. Brittany looked pissed off, her hair falling out of place as she muttered curses under her breath as Jess held on to her. Deryl, for once, was being useful—grabbing Crowe by the arm and dragging him along in a half-assed attempt to keep him from falling apart.
When you all finally arrived at the diner, it was like a collective exhale. The neon lights above the early breakfast spot flickered in the darkness, offering a sharp contrast to the chaos you’d just left behind.
You all shuffled inside, and the scent of greasy food and fresh coffee hit you like a wave. Everyone was wiped out, some still catching their breath. Deryl and Subaru seemed to be the only ones still standing strong, while the rest of you were just... trying not to collapse.
No one said a word as you slid into the corner booth, settling between Crowe and Subaru. Their presence was a solid weight on either side of you—comforting in its own, strange way.
The six of you settled into silence for a second, trying to process what had just gone down. Everyone’s eyes were darting around, unsure of where to start, like it was some sort of unspoken rule to not bring up the mess of the night just yet.
Deryl was the first to break the silence, though his voice was still full of energy like he didn’t just witness a fight that nearly ended in a disaster. “So, who’s planning the next party? Because that shit was hype, even if the cops came. I’m just sayin’,” he grinned like the whole thing was some sick joke.
Brittany, on the other hand, was visibly disappointed, slouching in her seat and poking at her menu. “I was gonna get soooo wasted by the end of the night,” she muttered, glancing out the window like she was mourning the loss of the evening. “But nooo, gotta get the cops involved. Real fucking fun.”
Crowe was sitting there, rubbing his forehead, looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole. “This is why I don’t throw parties in my guest house,” he grumbled, clearly stressed. “What the hell was I thinking? My aunt’s gonna kill me.”
You looked at him, blinking for a moment. “Guest house?” you asked, half in disbelief. “You threw that entire thing in a guest house?” You couldn’t help but sigh under your breath. “That’s rich people’s problems right there.”
Crowe threw you a look, leaning back in his seat like he was trying to disappear into the booth. “Yeah, well, I’m not throwing a party at my real house. Not a chance in hell,” he muttered, sinking deeper into the cushions.
You grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Got damn rich people,” you teased, but your mind was already working. You motioned to the table with a nod. “All right, since our night is fucked, how about you all pick up the tab?”
Crowe’s head snapped toward you, eyes widening. “Wait, what?”
“You heard me,” you said with a smirk, “pay for the bill. I did all the work to make sure it was perfect until the cops showed up. So, unless you wanna keep wasting my time, I’m cashing out.”
Subaru, still processing everything, threw you a confused look, but you were already counting the minutes in your head until this night would be over.
Crowe sighed, finally giving in, rubbing his temples like he weighted the world on his shoulders. “Fine, fine, I’ll pay. You guys are seriously killing me, but yeah, I’ll cover the food,” he muttered, glancing at the menu like he wanted to melt into it. Everyone at the table perked up at his words, though you could tell they were still in a bit of shock from everything that went down earlier.
The waiter moved through the group, taking orders as the quiet hum of conversation settled in. The usual noise that felt uncomfortable you first felt when it came to hanging around this friend group.
However, now?
More like the peaceful weight of a night that had finally caught its breath. The chatter that followed was filled with clumsy attempts to fill the silence, like people fumbling to catch up with the rhythm of a moment they hadn’t quite grasped.
Deryl was as animated as ever, his voice loud and scattered as he rambled about finding a new spot for the next party—praying it wouldn’t end with sirens again.
Brittany, still jittery from the night’s chaos, was looking forward to her drink like it was a lifeline, a simple comfort she could hold onto.
Jess, the usually quiet observer, seemed lost in thought, her hands absentmindedly picking at her food. Her gaze was distant as if the events of the night had nudged something inside her—something she wasn’t sure how to deal with just yet.
It was like that—the way the conversation naturally folded into a silence that no one rushed to fill. Something about the way this group connected felt like solanaceae, that fun, intoxicating beauty wrapped in a delicate skin of thorns.
You could feel it in the way each of them interacted—like this quiet understanding of each other’s complexity, how the rawness of who they were was met with unspoken acceptance.
They were like a vine of nightshade, one that, if you got too close, could prick your skin with its sharp edges, but if you leaned in just right, it would wrap around you, tender yet fierce.
Even though they were different, even though they weren’t perfect, being here, surrounded by this strange blend of warmth and edge, felt like finding a place where you could just exist without the weight of expectations.
They cared—maybe not in ways you could always understand, but in ways that were real. There was a comfort here, but it was the kind you had to lean into, the kind that could hurt, but also heal.
And somehow, it felt safe.
Even in the moments of tension or silence, there was a knowing that this was where you belonged—among the thorns, wrapped in the strange, bittersweet beauty of something real.
And then, as if to stir the pot once again, Crowe dropped the topic that no one had thought to touch.
“So,” he started, his tone more casual than before, but you could tell there was an edge to it, like he was trying not to seem too concerned, “you two…” He nodded toward you and Subaru. “You guys locked in that closet, huh? What the hell happened in there?”
You froze, instantly wishing you could sink into the booth.
You didn’t want to talk about it.
Not with Crowe, not with anyone.
Whatever happened in there—it stays between You and Subaru.
The weird, messy thing that didn’t need explaining. But Crowe wasn’t letting it go, his eyes glancing between you and Subaru like he was trying to piece together the puzzle.
Subaru shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but before you could say anything, Crowe mumbled more to himself than anyone else, “I didn’t mean to put you two through that. But... watching you both not talk to each other? It’s messing with my head.”
The weight of the words hit you, and you could feel Subaru’s eyes on you, waiting for your response. You didn’t want to explain, didn’t want to give Crowe any satisfaction of knowing what had gone down. You shrugged it off, pushing the conversation away as best you could.
“It’s whatever,” you said quietly. “We’re fine now.”
You didn’t say more because, honestly, you weren’t sure what more to say. The tension was still thick between you and Subaru, but that was something you’d handle on your own. Again, you didn’t need Crowe or anyone else trying to meddle.
Just as the conversation shifted back to the party, you absentmindedly picked up your food, taking a bite, only to have Subaru’s hand shoot out in a flash. His fingers brushed against your face, and you barely had time to react before he wiped something off your cheek with a napkin, his voice low and careful.
“Don’t eat with your mouth full,” Subaru said in that familiar, borderline nagging tone, like he was scolding you but in the softest way possible. He wasn’t angry, just a little too invested in making sure you didn’t look like a mess in front of everyone.
Then, without missing a second, he placed a napkin neatly on your lap, a subtle, almost unconscious gesture that no one else at the table seemed to miss.
The entire table fell silent for a second.
You could practically hear the wheels turning in their heads. Everyone was staring, eyes wide, mouths slightly agape. Subaru’s quick, unexpected affection caught them all off guard. It was strange, watching him be so… attentive in his own blunt, rude way. He wasn’t exactly gentle, but there was something undeniably tender about the way he took care of you, even if it was just wiping your face.
It was the little things that made it all so damn confusing.
“Yo,” Deryl finally broke the silence, a grin slowly spreading across his face. “What the hell was that?”
Brittany blinked a couple of times, eyes narrowing. She shifted her gaze between you and Subaru, like she couldn't figure out if she was witnessing something cute or downright creepy. "You two... are weird."
“Are you two together?” Jess asked, her voice cutting through the awkward tension. The whole table went quiet, their eyes immediately flicking between you and Subaru.
You let out a sigh, leaning forward in your seat with a smirk.
“I don’t know, are we together, Subaru?”
Subaru froze, suddenly stiffening. His eyes darted around, probably realizing for the first time how damn odd everything must've looked. His mind must’ve been racing, trying to come up with an excuse, something that could make sense of all this mess.
He shouldn't have done that.
Especially in front of everyone.
He scowled, trying to brush it off, but still couldn’t pull his gaze away from you. “Oh, shut it,” he muttered, scooting away from you slightly as he turned to face the others. His eyes went sharp.
“It’s none of your damn business, you nosy fucking idiots.”
“Bruh, they deadass called you by your first name,” Deryl threw in, clearly trying to rile Subaru up.
Subaru’s eyes darkened at the mention of it, his arms crossing tightly over his chest. He gave a low huff, but his voice had that bite to it.
"Shut your mouth, Deryl."
Crowe was staring too, but his gaze was different. More thoughtful, like he was trying to piece something together. He glanced at you for a split second, then back to Subaru, before letting out a deep sigh. Finally, Crowe couldn’t resist adding his two cents, his voice laced with amusement.
“Looks like someone’s acting soft~”
Subaru’s jaw clenched, the muscle ticking under his skin. He wanted to wipe that smug look off Crowe’s face, but he wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of reacting. Not yet.
You couldn’t help but laugh—soft and genuine. You knew it wasn’t really funny, but the ridiculousness of it all just hit you at that moment. Maybe it was the weird energy between you and Subaru, maybe it was the whole mess with the party... or maybe you just liked the idea of breaking the tension, even if only for a second.
But right when the atmosphere lightened a little, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You glanced down at the screen, seeing Hyugo’s name flashing up. Without missing a second, you excused yourself.
“Hold on a sec,” you said, standing up from the booth. Subaru instantly furrowed his brow, watching you.
“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice a little too sharp.
Of course, everyone at the table immediately jumped on him, teasing. "Yo, Subaru, you can’t just let her leave like that?" Deryl grinned, leaning forward. "What, no ‘be careful’? No ‘call me later’?"
Brittany and Jess were quick to jump in too, their eyes practically glowing with amusement. "What's up, Subaru? You need to go after her?" Brittany asked, barely suppressing her grin.
Subaru growled low in his throat, clearly irritated. "Shut up, all of you."
You bit back a smile as you glanced at him.
"Relax, I’ll be back in a minute."
Subaru’s eyes didn’t leave you as you made your way to the back area, heading toward the bathrooms. You could feel their eyes on you even as you stepped away, but you didn’t care. You needed a moment to yourself, a quick breather before dealing with more of whatever was happening at that table.
Once you were safely out of their line of sight, you took a breath and reached into your pocket to pull out your phone.
You needed a moment to clear your head, to get away from the chaos. Pressing the device to your ear, you stepped deeper into the quiet corner near the bathroom, the noise of the party just barely audible through the walls.
"Hey, Hyugo," you said, lowering your voice, feeling the tension still clinging to you like an unwanted weight.
Hyugo’s voice crackled through the speaker, steady and calm, but you could still hear that subtle edge beneath it. "Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay after all that? Did you and my little brother make it out?"
You closed your eyes, leaning back against the cold wall, letting his voice ground you for a moment. "Yeah, we’re fine. We got away with the others. Things got... little messy, but in a fun way. Our friends are straight up messing with him, and joking about the party."
Hyugo let out a laugh, and you could almost picture the happiness pulling at his lips. "That’s so funny. I bet he’s all red in the face. He flushes easily, you know." His laugh rang through, light and genuine, and you couldn’t help but laugh too, the tension in your chest easing just a little.
But then his tone shifted, softened. "You know..." he began again, more quietly now, like he was choosing his words carefully.
"Don’t listen to Sunny, well… Sol. He’s just…" He trailed off, and you could hear the unspoken understanding in his voice. "He’s complicated. You don’t need to let him drag you down into whatever mess he’s dealing with. You’re better than that."
You felt a weight lifting from your chest at his words. The heaviness of everything that had happened—the chaos, the hurtful words, the confusion—seemed to dissipate a little.
"Okay," you muttered softly. "I’ll try."
You hesitated for a moment, “Where is Sol?”
Hyugo sighed before saying, "We both got out before the cops saw us,” he said. "But don’t worry, I handled him. I made sure." There was a quiet assurance in his words, like he knew exactly how to deal with his younger brother, even if the details were something you weren’t sure you wanted to picture.
His words were comforting, but it was more than that—there was a dangerous edge to them, a possessiveness that spoke of a bond you knew better than to question. Hyugo wasn’t the type to let things slide, especially not when it came to protecting those he cared about.
You breathed out slowly, glancing down at the phone in your hand. Time was slipping away, and you couldn’t afford to be away from the table for too long.
"Thanks, Hyugo," you said, your voice tinged with sincerity. "I appreciate you looking out for us.”
He laughs softly, clearly hearing the warm of his voice, "Of course," he said, his tone light but full of that familiar teasing warmth.
"I’d be a terrible older brother if I didn’t."
There was a pause, and you could almost hear him considering something, weighing his next words carefully before he spoke again, his voice lower, quieter.
"But as his older brother..." he said slowly, almost thoughtfully. "Just... take care of my little brother for me. And of course, take care of yourself, okay?" His words were soft but firm like he was entrusting you with something important. "I just want you two to have a better life. A peaceful one, if that’s even possible, with… Subaru."
The sincerity in Hyugo’s voice lingered in your mind, a warmth that pushed away some of the tension you’d been holding. Even with everything that had happened, his words gave you a small sense of reassurance.
Maybe, just maybe, things could get better.
Maybe things with Subaru could be… different.
You sigh softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you respond. “I’ll try. We’re perhaps compatible. Like, he’s a handful, you know.”
Hyugo’s laugh came through again, deep and knowing, like he was in on some unspoken joke. "I know, tell me about it... Thank you, and I’m sorry, I’ll see you sometime around,” he added before the call ended.
For a moment, you stood there, the soft hum of your friends in the background, Hyugo’s words hanging in the air. There was something about him, something different when it came to you. And even though you couldn’t quite place it, one thing was clear—Hyugo doesn’t play about his little brother.
And maybe he did it for you….
Nah, that’s a lie because—you frowned your brows—thinking about Hyugo must know of Sol god awful obsession with you, because ain’t no damn way. Maybe that’s why he said he was sorry at the end once he realized that you have a connection with his little brother… hmm.
Anyway—you were about to head back to the table, the sound of footsteps approaching snapped you out of your thoughts. Before you even saw him, you could feel Subaru’s presence. And then his voice—quiet but piercing.
“Is he gone?”
You jumped, the suddenness of it making your heart stumble. Spinning around, you found Subaru standing there, his figure looming over you like an unspoken warning. His gaze was piercing, searching for something, maybe for a crack in your calm exterior.
“Subaru, please don’t do that,” you said, your voice strained as you tried to steady your racing pulse. His unexpected closeness, that tension between you, still hadn’t fully settled, and now he was standing there, making everything feel worse and more complicated.
“Yeah, Hyugo’s gone,” you muttered, trying to make your tone sound as casual as possible. But your voice was flat, betraying the way your chest still felt tight from the earlier conversation.
You glanced up at him, a wave of curiosity creeping in.
“You heard everything?”
For a moment, Subaru didn’t answer. His gaze locked onto yours, unreadable—cold, but with something sharp lurking beneath. Something almost… worried? The intensity of it made the air around you crackle with unspoken words. But instead of responding, he shifted slightly, looking away, as though something was clawing at him that he refused to face.
“I didn’t want to sit at the table with them while waiting,” he muttered, his voice edged with irritation, but there was something else there too—a softness, a crack in the armor.
“Too many idiots messing with me...” He scowled, as though frustrated by his own vulnerability, and you could see it in the way he tried to pull away, afraid of showing too much. But then, almost as an afterthought, his voice softened again, and his eyes flickered toward you, sharper now but tinged with something unspoken.
“But I came to check on you,” he added, and even though his tone was still laced with that cool indifference, you could hear the slight hesitation beneath it.
Like maybe, just maybe, he was just worried.
“Don’t need to be so dramatic,” you said, almost laughing. “I’m fine.”
Subaru shot you a look, narrowing his eyes at your comment, but then his posture shifted. “Text that short shit I said thanks,” he grumbled, “but don’t—I swear to god, make it over the top or he’ll never leave me alone on campus.”
You bit your lip, trying to stifle a laugh, “Sure,” you muttered, nodding as you looked at him. His expression was still cold, distant—like a layer of frost between you two.
But his eyes? They told a different story.
You met his gaze, feeling the weight of it all, the strange pull between you two. “Anyway,” he said, breaking the silence, his voice cutting through the moment. “Let’s get out of these nasty-ass restrooms. I’ll give you hand sanitizer once we’re back at the table.”
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Subaru…”
“And you need to drop that art class,” he continued, oblivious to the way you’d called him out. “Start taking your major classes. Plan a better route. Just in case that fucker tries to mess with you.”
“Subaru…” you interrupted again, a little more firmly this time, trying to catch up with his rapid-fire thoughts.
“I’ll start walking with you to your classes since ours aren’t far apart. You can stay with me at my place until we find you somewhere else. I don’t care what my bitch-ass father says. I’ll handle it. That emo-fucker... I don’t trust him. I can’t—”
“Subaru,” you called, cutting him off mid-rant, a touch of annoyance slipping into your voice. “Shit, you're way ahead of my ass.”
He stopped in his tracks, his words trailing off. He blinked, clearly realizing how much he’d blurted out. His face turned slightly reddish pink, his eyes flickering away from yours as he tried to regain his composure. He cleared his throat, muttering under his breath.
“I know. Sorry,” he mumbled, his tone a little gruff as he avoided eye contact, his usual arrogance faltering just a bit.
You felt a little smile tug at your lips, but it wasn’t out of mockery. More like a realization, something that settled in your chest, warm and heavy. Subaru—despite the tough shell he put up—was starting to show you pieces of the person he used to be.
Or maybe, just maybe, the person he was becoming.
Perhaps, in that very poison, your truthful words had managed to move him.
Subaru looked down at you, the faintest laugh escaping his lips, mixed with that little annoyance in your voice.
The crazy part?
You were his, and he was yours—something neither of you could quite wrap your heads around. He leaned in slightly, his gaze softer now, the sharp edges of his usual demeanor starting to fade.
“A Belladonna, you know," Subaru said almost lovingly but annoyed, the words falling between you like a secret just for the two of you.
You blinked at him, momentarily lost in the meaning of it before your eyes softened. The shift was subtle, but it made you appear more alluring than ever. Belladonna?—dangerous, intoxicating, wrapped in mystery and allure.
A poison, sure, but not the kind that burned.
You were the berry, sweet yet deadly, something Subaru never thought he’d be so drawn to. And yet, here he was, tangled up in the wild, intoxicating forest of campus and your presence.
The kind of danger that didn’t destroy, but wrapped him in its pull, making him crave more. Always more. Subaru was immune to it, somehow, able to take on everything you were without being consumed. And that? That made you even more captivating in ways he couldn't fully explain.
"Didn't think you knew Italian or plants like that," you teased, an amused glint in your eyes.
Subaru sighed, that arrogant confidence of his never fully gone. "One, I speak five languages. Two, I like plants."
You rolled your eyes at his answer, a teasing smirk tugging at your lips. “Aw, first you call me a beautiful plant, now you're pulling out the fancy language?” you scoffed, crossing your arms with mock offense. “Weird, but okay.”
Subaru gave you that look—the one that danced on the edge of a challenge and a confession. “It’s belladonna,” he said smoothly, his voice low, rough with sarcasm, “It means deadly nightshade, a poisonous plant. Don’t go twisting my words like I called you ‘beautiful’ or anything. Don’t get cocky, smartass.”
And yet… the way he looked at you as he said it—his eyes sharp and unreadable, lingering a bit too long on your lips, on the curve of your smirk—betrayed him.
His mouth said one thing, but his gaze? That told the truth.
You weren’t just a poison to him.
You were a craving. Addictive.
Dangerous in the kind of way that pulled him closer, even when he knew he shouldn't. Not toxic—no.
Just potent enough to blur the line between warning and invitation.
You caught the look in his eyes—the way they softened for just a second like he'd forgotten to keep the mask on. That wall of his, the one he built so carefully, cracked without a sound. And in that silence, something honest slipped through.
Then he said it again, quieter this time, almost like it wasn’t meant to be heard.
“…My belladonna.”
No smirk. No smug edge.
Just the weight of his voice brushing against your skin like a whisper no one else could claim.
The words settled into your chest, blooming slow and warm, stealing your breath without asking. He didn’t have to mean it like that—but something about the way he said it made your heart stumble anyway.
Beautiful poison. Deadly nightshade.
But what Subaru didn’t know—what he clearly didn’t realize—was that you knew that belladonna also meant beautiful lady in Italian. And you weren’t about to tell him. Never. Let him pretend he wasn’t sweet. Let him keep thinking he wasn’t calling you beautiful.
You arched a brow, biting back a grin.
“Didn’t think you were the poetic type.”
He rolled his eyes, scoffing like it physically pained him. “I’m not. You’re just dramatic. And annoying. And smug as hell.”
But he didn’t deny it. And he didn’t take it back.
Instead, he glanced away with that familiar scowl—half exasperated, half something softer, "You're lucky I even tolerate you," he grumbled, voice low and rough, but you heard it—that warmth sneaking in like it always did when he got too close.
You were his poison, no doubt—but the kind that lingered sweetly on the tongue. Addictive. Secret. Worth every risk.
You tilted your head at him, a slow smirk tugging at your lips.
“Vice versa,” you hummed. “And yet here you are, still choosing to ‘tolerate’ me. Such possessiveness.”
He rolled his eyes hard enough to see the back of his skull.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he shot back, but his mouth betrayed him—edges twitching up, just barely.
You both knew what was happening.
He wasn’t running. Wasn’t pushing away. He was already caught. Wrapped up in everything you were. Falling—grudgingly, carelessly, completely—into the mystery of you.
His belladonna.
#the kid at the back x reader#the kid at the back vn#tkatb#tkatb vn#tkatb geo#geo oogami#the kid at the back mc#the kid at the back geo#subaru oogami#tkatb geo x reader#I'm never writing anything this damn long ever again
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