#i love being aroace but sometimes i wish i was like everyone else okay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pageofheartdj · 2 years ago

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Wowie, that sounds like quite the self discovery journey, it sucks that so many people struggle so much. I wish you were allowed to just be you without feeling those pressures when you were figuring things out. Hopefully you're doing okay now?

For me and my aroace journey was a ton more simple. I just, never figured out at what age I was supposed to develop a crush or whatever. The only time I ever questioned myself was if someone told me they had a crush on me, and that was more because I felt hurt that people would pretend to be my friend just because they had a crush on me and didn't actually like me. If I told them I didn't like them like that I'd lose my only current friend(s) which always sucked :/

(I had no friends in school really, so that probably impacts me more. I gave up trying to get along with peeps because I just dont understand their social cues or why neurotypical conversations can be boring at times. Why talk about what someone did if you could talk about dinosaurs or how there's enough different types of apples that you could eat a unique one every day for a year and not eat all the types of apples?)

So really I never realized I should have those feelings so I never questioned why I didn't. I did sometimes judge other people for having them because I didn't understand that it wasn't a choice. Sometimes in high school someone would ask me for relationship advice because I gave them a logical answer, and I was really really confused why people would act or do dumb-ish things just because of how someone looked?? Idk tbh

Gender wise my parents gave up caring, and everyone thought I was gay growing up so they thought I was just being gay?? I guess?? My parents were also neglectful though so it was also that they didn't bother explaining gender roles and let me do whatever as long as I was alone.

Similar to being aroace I never realized I was supposed to feel connected to gender. Eventually I came out after puberty and I say I'm trans masc people my gender (or really, lack of gender) doesn't make sense to people. Gender wise I'm not a girl and until puberty when the definition of girl changed for me, I never cared what people called me.

Being (maybe??) autistic probably really feuls this because I struggle picking up and learning social cues, so when people tried to teach me societal things I was too busy doing other things or didn't realize I should be internalizing it. Like i never thought about being in a relationship and even now that i now am an adult technically i still dont care. I like collecting funfacts more than that stuff, so it never registered as a thing to think about lol

Anyways thanks for explaining it from your experiences, it's really interesting learning what it's like for other people!! Have a lovely day!

Thank you! And yeah I am mostly content now. I know who I am and what I need. It's not perfect. We are never done changing and figuring ourself out. I still struggle a bit with society's set that you can be happy only if you have someone, you must be good at socialising otherwise you are a failed human. While every piece in me goes against it. I don't want any relationship, I don't want family, I don't want children. I struggle at making and keeping friends because my brain works in a way that makes it too hard. So it's hard to remember that I am not a failure just because I am not as connected with people and this is not a measure of my worth. I don't own the world to be a factory toy, the same as everyone else.

Ugh yeah this sucks!! I know people can't help their feelings, but still it doesn't feel nice to have these expectations! (also double yes! why should i care what someone did or their little life stories? this is boooring, do people really care about this stuff? i put an effort to care for a friend, but everyone dumps their stories on me! i can be interested talking about specific topics or work. but when its just. life. why is it my business??)

Also 🤝 for giving love advices xD We are not clouded by feelings so we can analyse this stuff from the side while never being in the relationship in the first place xD And it's hard to understand how people can be irrational because of their feelings!(even though it makes sense. it's like how anxiety can make us irrational. but still feels weird cause these are bad things in bad condition. while they have this bad thing in something good xD)

I am sorry your parents were neglectful! But at least you weren't pressured into roles, so at least there is some saving grace?

I thought I might be agender because I never cared about gender. I like being a bit femminine in a light pretty way, but also neutral/male style also worked for me. But then I was told that not caring for your gender is a cis thing?? I don't know, I feel like I am more like gnc in a passive 'I don't actually care and I wish it didn't exist' way xD

I've read somewhere that if you are queer there is a high chance of being ND and vice versa. Maybe it's not true, but it certantly feels that way xD Maybe because of hetero/allo normativeness of the society, that our brain from the start tells us 'we dont get social norms and we wont' XD

Your experience was also interesting to read! I love talking all about it!! Have a nice day too!❤

#aroace #asexuality

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somebodyheree · 2 years ago

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i am totally fine with the aroace thing but the line "i'll never be 16 again" fucking hurts

because i really am okay with that. sometimes i'm even glad that it is like this, but everyone's got their teenage love stories going on and i feel like i'm missing out.

it's just i wish that life was also made for people like me. because everything is made for allos. EVERYTHING. and i want to have something. i don't care about the romantic love and all that. I DON'T WANT THAT. but i want something that will be just as great. i want to look back on my sixteen and think of something equally lovely that happened. and i know that there is friendship but people don't value that as much and they don't put as much effort and time into this relations.

i'm literally just a stupid teenager and i want to have something too. anything. like i just wish being like me was seen as a normal thing and that people would let me have that fun experience without making me pretend i am someone else. i really don't want to be missing out on all of the teenage life.

#okay i'm just upset because today everyone in my class was talking about who they gonna take on a ball #(it's a ball that is organized for students when they are halfway through high school)#and i was sitting there like 😐#and first i thought i will just go alone and be with my friends #but then i realised that they will be there with someone too #so half of the time i would be standing alone #so i probably just won't go #and i'm sad because i was really excited #but i don't want to be alone there #so yeah #that's suck #aroace #aromantic #aro #ace #asexual #arospec #acespec #aromantic asexual

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 4 years ago

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hello, PLEASE tell me your aroace analysis of the black parade album, i would like to see it 👀👀

What up guys, I just passed a vet med practice exam and I’m aroace and emo as fuck so let’s do this

First off, I will preface that I know that this wasn’t quite MCR’s idea of the album, but art is interpretive and I will at every possible opportunity rub my grubby little aroace hands all over that shit. This is also gonna get long so here’s a read more

Okay so first off, let me just exclude the following songs from this interpretation simply because they are exactly as they appear: The End, Dead!, Welcome to the Black Parade, Sleep, Teenagers and Blood. I can’t find anything to really psychoanalyse in this regarding the aroace experience so much as they are about the emo experience. And also, as a heads up, I feel this may teter more into aromantic interpretation than asexual simply because that’s how I roll, baby.

Let’s start with ‘This Is How I Disappear’, there’s something in here that strikes me as ‘coming to terms with being aroace Very Badly’, that first onset of panic when you realise ‘oh crap, I’m not allo’. I didn’t have the ‘hell yeah no sexual/romantic attraction oh wait there’s a word for that?’ realisation often stated online, I was in a lot of denial, especially when I first started listening to this album.

The lines “And without you is how I disappear/and live my life alone forever now” really strikes this message to me. The gnawing sense of loneliness and isolation when you first realise that you’re not like everyone else, that ‘living a life alone’ is both what you want from life and dread, as an amatonormative society drills into every one of us that love and relationships is what makes us important in life, and without it we will simply disappear. The line hits home the pain of questioning, the horror of when you realise this is who you likely are before you can truly accept it. It’s not a pretty part of being aroace, it wasn’t for me, but it is an important one, and the lines always hit home to me in this era.

Added on to this is a sense of how we’re seen in media. Consider the line “Who walks among the famous living dead”. There’s a real push in amatonormativity that love and romance is what makes us human, what makes us alive, and without it, we’re not human. Therefore, by extension, the aromantic narrator is ‘not alive’ by these standards, nor is their community they’ve yet to find. This is also doubled down by the monster symbolism throughout the song; especially when I was younger, aromantic (and asexual) coded characters in media were always the bad guys, the monsters who could only be stopped by the unstoppable power of love; the narrator is lamenting how this part of themselves seems monstrous, evil to society, when really that isn’t true, and this evolves over the course of the album.

Let’s move on to The Sharpest Lives. This is less aroace specific, but it certainly seems like a downward spiral of the narrator, which carries on from the self-loathing of Disappear. There’s really only 1 line I want to talk about here: “Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo”. This is an obvious allusion to Romeo and Juliet, but it turns on its head the usual story of Romeo and Juliet being in love; Juliet doesn’t love Romeo, she just loves the beat, and Romeo is taking it too far. This speaks to another experience, not exclusive to aromantics, but definitely strongly felt in it, when someone misinterprets the relationship or your feelings and tries to push for romance when all you wanted was a good time. I had an awful experience of this myself, so I’m claiming this one for the aroaces.

(As an aside, I got into MCR around the same time we did Romeo and Juliet at school, so imagine little me, not knowing she’s aroace and sick to death of talking about romance at school and hearing this line. To say I lost my shit was an understatement. I ADORE that line.)

Next up is ‘I Don’t Love You’. I’ve talked about this one before on my blog, but this is the song that really gives it away to me that this album is very strongly catered towards aroaces. “But it’s a break up song!” No, it’s not, if you look at it from the correct angle. Also I’ve gone to further lengths with other break up songs so try me bitches (See: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls being about disregarding amatonormativity rather than breaking up with someone. It’s so damn obvious too)

Here’s the short of it: I Don’t Love You is actually about falling out with a friend because you had entirely different ideas as to what it was you wanted from your relationship. The aro narrator wants it to remain friends; they’re happy with where they are, and doesn’t want it to change. The other ‘person’ in the song is alloromantic, and wants it to become a romantic relationship. The most important line for this is the most important line in the song: “When you go, would you even turn to say, I don’t love you like I did yesterday”. Let’s focus on the word choice here: ‘Like I did yesterday’. When allos talk about love, they talk about the amount; if this was about falling out of love, it would reflect that, that the other person in the song loves them less, not differently. The narrator is lamenting that their friend no longer loves them as a friend; the friend’s view of love has changed, they love them romantically, and less as a friend as a result, and the narrator’s insistence on remaining friends has highlighted this.

What’s more, I don’t think this is the first time the narrator has gone through this. Admittedly, I misheard one of the lines for years and I insist the line is “Another time was just another blow” but I’m not American so we don’t have dollars, and this is about me and my interpretation of the album so we’re in this ride together and I’m driving so lets do this. The song is very pained, you can hear it in Gerard’s voice, and there’s so little about the pain of losing a friend, especially when they wanted romance from you, that this song really speaks to.

What really gets me though is how the narrator is clearly still struggling with being aroace too. Let’s consider the line “Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading”. The narrator clearly isn’t at ease with their identity yet; maybe they wish they could keep their friend, but their placing their boundaries down, even though its costing a friend. These boundaries are important, and its important for our friends to respect them too. And listening to, and singing along to, this song really makes me proud for the narrator in a sort of self-love kind of way when you couldn’t love yourself.

Final matter on this song: the narrator still thinks of them as a friend, which is tearing the narrator apart. Yes, the line “Don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay” might make you think differently, but I believe that’s the narrator setting their boundaries; they’re not going to become an item just to please their friend and make them stay. Instead lets look at “Better get out while you can”. The narrator sees that their different views on the relationship is incompatible, and suggests they ‘fall out’ before their friend gets too caught up, and the rejection pains them both even more.

Now for House of Wolves. Not a long to say on this one, but I see it as being about media and ace exclusionists. See, the song flips between another character seeing the narrator as an angel and as a sinner simultaneously; just as how the media depicts asexual/aromatic/aroace people as non-human, that our sexuality (or lack thereof) makes us incomplete (the sinner aspect), while exclusionists say that we must be loved by the same media (and by religion too) for being aspec (the angel aspect). The song flip flops between them very rapidly, a state of confusion that felt very poignant for me when I was questioning in the height of the ace discourse.

Okay Mama is just here not for interpretation but because my English teacher once told us to analyse songs for her to mark as revision for exams and she loves long songs and kept making us analyse them so I analysed Mama and handed that in and got an A*. So Mama said AroAce rights that day.

Disenchanted is another strange one, filled with lines that mean more to aroace interpretation than the song itself. It spoke to me most when I was on my year out, having failed to get into uni despite good grades, still struggling with coming to terms with being aromantic, and dealing with severe anxiety. All in all, it was a year of disenchantment. It’s a good song. So what about an aroace interpretation?

The main thing about the song seems to be pretending to be someone you’re not. And really, when talking with family who expect you to be allo, how can you be anything but? I was told in this time that ‘Girls only go to university to find a husband’, which is many levels of wrong, but that thought always sticks in my head with this song. Moreover, I always think of break up songs with the line “You’re just a sad song, with nothing to say”, because they ARE just sad songs with nothing to say; and yet we’re expected to love them, because it’s a universal experience. There’s never been nothing to them.

But really, the line “I spent my high school career spit on and shoved to agree, so I can watch all my heroes sell a car on TV” is what really spoke to me. You spend school years being told that these people are sexy, you’ll want romance one day, and you have to agree or we’ll bully you mercilessly for it. The kids at school knew who was aroace before they knew what aroace meant. And we grow up watching heroes we relate to on TV, the fantastic loners who don’t need a significant other, only for fandom and the shows themselves to pair them up, make them “sell cars on tv” and sell out what made them special to us. And it hurts. And this song reflects that so well. In this song, the narrator is reflecting back on the years lost by hating themselves, slowly coming to terms with being aroace.

And finally, Famous Last Words. This is the real tipping point where the narrator feels comfortable with themselves, and finally confronts the friend from ‘I Don’t Love You’. The song is sung by one person, yes, but it feels like a dialogue between the friend, who still wants to hold a romantic relationship with the narrator, and the narrator who’s finally had enough. The introduction is from the friend, their thoughts on the narrator and how they know that they’re not going to win, but maybe they can make them feel bad for it “But where’s your heart?”, the friend is accusing the narrator of being heartless for being aromantic. But here’s the thing:

The narrator’s accepted who they are. “Well is it hard understanding? I’m incomplete.” The narrator accepts that they’re aroace, that to the friend, they are different, they don’t experience romance. The pain that they felt in the first few songs, of being the living dead and disappearing, makes them feel incomplete still, but they’re finally secure with being aroace enough to declare that, while they aren’t fully there yet, “I am not afraid to walk this world alone.” The narrator knows who they are, and they’re no longer afraid of it. Even when the friend tries to backpedal “Honey if you stay I’ll be forgiving” the narrator knows that the friend isn’t worth the pain anymore “Nothing you can say can stop me going home.”

That’s also why the lines about ‘love’ in this song are so important too. “A love that’s so demanding I can’t speak” “A love that’s so demanding, I get weak”. The narrator is explaining that, for them, romance is demanding; it’s not easy, and it’s not worth it for them, it’ll tire them out. The first quote can also speak of their friendship now; it’s so demanding, the narrator feels that if they stay, they may not be able to speak up for themselves any more. They have to friend break up, for both of their wellbeings.

And finally, the last verses “Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead” is the final attempt at kicking the narrator, harking back to “the famous living dead”. But the narrator refutes it by insisting that they’re not afraid to be alone anymore. And the song ends with the narrator winning, leaving the friend for good, for a better life.

And that’s the aroace interpretation of Black Parade.

And it’s 2200 words long fuck

#my chemical romance #the black parade #aroace #aromantic #asexual #You should've asked me why I can headcannon every video game character as aroace instead its shorter #Well all except the sims 2

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mcrmadness · 4 years ago

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Madness draws: my dä fanart from when I had my (arts) comeback in 2018

For years I didn’t draw anything because of a personal (art crisis) and because I simply was studying and working so much I just had no energy left for arts.

In 2018 I was done with schools and studying and dropped out of the school I was in at that moment, and also the horse stable I was working at (school related stuff) was sold and closed its doors so also my work ended. For the first time in almost 5 years I was actually free. The longest holidays I had has was 3 weeks summer holiday in 2016, I think. I had another in 2017 but of that I actually was having health issues (nothing serious) for 2 weeks and then had to be in school for the 3rd one, after which I even got the flu.

So I was SO excited when I finally was free the first day of November in 2018. After I had got enough sleep and rest, I started to find my creativity again. And I started to “daydream” before falling asleep every night, I started to write fanfictions in my head and I started to draw, too. Partially it was also because for the first time in years I had an online friend I enjoyed talking with and we had similar interests, aka dä and Bela/Farin, and that inspired me a lot to draw even more - but unfortunately that friendship did not work out in the end and we’re no longer friends.

Anyway, most of these drawings are very much Bela/Farin related again because I talked about that a lot with this person and I often asked what they’d want to see and then drew it if the idea was something I could carry out.

This is not the first one I drew but maybe the 4th or so. I’m just putting this here first because it’s the most “innocent” aka not too much shippy stuff rubbed into the faces of my followers who don’t care about that. There’s 5 different drawings + 1 comic behind the read more link. All of these, apart from the comic, where drawn into my old sketchbook.

About the drawing above - I didn’t use pencil for these first ones at all yet, I just drew them with the fineliners as I was still a bit rusty as the last time I REALLY drew anything was in 2013 aka over 5 years ago from 2018, so I had to actually look at my old comics and drawings to even figure out how to draw these characters anymore. And I think the last actual time I drew in this style was in 2011 even. And that is very visible from the first 2018′s drawing I did! ↓↓↓

This is the one - and wait, I have an explanation!

So with this person I mentioned, we just constantly had this playful debate over whether Bela is “bottom” or not - and honestly I couldn’t care less about that because I no longer read any fanfics. I do write fanfics - or a fanfic - but only for myself and as an asexual I have never been interested in writing about certain themes so I never need to think about the whole top/bottom stuff anyway. I used to read smut before until I one day just realized it’s SO BORING and uninteresting to read, started skipping all smut scenes and wanted to read fluff but all the fluff was so quickly and badly written because everyone wanted to write smut only, that I was left with absolutely nothing to read. So it was the old story again: I started writing/drawing the stuff I wanted to read and see.

However, back to the top/bottom topic, I always base my opinions with everything over how things are in real life and with these guys, if you look at how they are in interviews and on stage, the dynamics are not just plain black&white. I’ve never seen there anything that would indicate that just one is “top” or “bottom” whatsoever which is why I kept saying imo they’re more like just switching if you listen to their jokes. Remember: I don’t read any fanfiction and don’t give a fuck about smut (lol at the pun) and honestly, even tho I understand those jokes they do and say on stage, I wish not to have any visuals about any of that “activity” in my head.

So, to support my “they switch!” opinion, I drew this, just for fun. And it is the official first drawing I did in 2018. I just needed to fire back bigger than I could do with simple text messages :D

***

Moving on. The person in question was very fascinated by the idea that Farin would be a vampire and not Bela (to support their top/bottom views...) which is why I drew this:

Also a very quick one, without sketching anything before drawing with fineliners. This and the first image of this post both are very small in real life actually, the signature is about the same size in every drawing so you can see from that that they are actually pretty small.

Talking of the signature: The funniest thing to me about this IS the signature. Because I was so rusty I didn’t even know how to write it anymore :DDD You can compare it to the signature in the other drawings because in them it’s better. Why it’s so funny to me is because it should say “Aada” but it looks more like “Hella” which means “stove” in Finnish.

***

Next one was something I saw in my head and wanted to draw - I think this one was also done without sketching it at first:

Kinda simple, right? :D I just wanted to draw something with heavy shadows and they’re meant to be watching TV at night. I guess it came out pretty okay.

***

The next two I drew based on one of my old fanfics I wrote years and years ago. I’m a bit annoyed that I decied to draw these into my SKETCHBOOK when I could have used just paper I use for drawing but I guess I didn’t know yet where I was going to end up with these and drew them into the sketchbook because of that. I thought I didn’t sketch these at first but I have found photos of these with sketched with pencil so that means I started sketching my drawings at this point.

So, back to the fanfic, it’s one of the longer ones I wrote (but still not that long even) and set to happen in the late 80s. There was some drama in the story because of Bela’s drug use and Farin was very harsh and Bela left altogether. For some time they had no idea where each of them were but then one very rainy night they both were on a walk at the same time and happened to stumble upon each other for the first time in weeks or so. I can still see those scenes so vividly in my head and here’s my artistic view over those scenes:

Yes. I love drawing stuff like BRICKS.

I have used my Promarkers with the second image, the paper was not the best for them which is why the black looks awful.

What comes to the image... it really annoys me to look at that because how the FUCK that is something I have drawn? And it’s legit based on something I have written. ME??? Like wtf. My aroace ass just can’t handle me writing/drawing fluff like this. I have days when I need to see fluff more than anything and then have to produce the content because can’t find it from anywhere else and my brain is simultaneously like “flufffff 8))))” and “boohoo whyyyyy how staaaaaph D:” because I am so afraid of being connected to what I draw. Like. If I draw or write fluff, it doesn’t mean I would be a romantic person nor allosexual nor alloromantic, right? Because I can also draw a comic or write a story about a murderer and it doesn’t make me a psychopath either. It’s the exact same thing.

And in fact: I had a comic book character who was called Micro the Insane Murderer because that’s what he was. Also I once wrote a story about a serial killer but she was also insane. But for whatever reason it’s much harder to show people fluff I have written or drawn than my fictional serial killer stuff... I guess people just easier assume that you’re an allo, thanks to anormativity, but usually don’t think you’re a psychopath just because your OC is :D

***

The last one is the comic that has a Halloween theme as it was around Halloween and the person I talked with still wanted to see/read something where Farin is the vampire instead. So here’s something that was my first B/F comic in 7 years. I didn’t remember how to do pretty much anything anymore and the coloring is a bit off, and I was really still just trying to figure out how to do all this again :D

At that point I think my head was still filled with fanfiction stuff so the comic also is full of (hurt/comfort) drama - and a long-ass “backstory”. You can see that from this on I have moved to more humorous stories. Sometimes I draw occassional fluffy comics when I’m really on that weird mood (usually 1-2 days/month thanks to the uterus and hormones), but my main focus is on the humour and I wish to make people laugh.

But that’s about it. I think I have now posted everything here, the newer ones I have posted here after drawing them since 2019 but this post is the “missing link” between those old old comics and the newer stuff :D Then I of course have all the other traditional art like potraits and such I did in 2009-2012 which I have never shown here. Maybe I should post those too?

#mcrmadness draws #my dä comics #my fub comics #my dä drawings #d�� fanart #die ärzte #belafarin #my OLD dä fanart

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stick-man-simp · 4 years ago

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Some stuff about my stick oc Evans that no one asked for!!!

You wanna hear my headcannons about the actual thsc characters?? To bad!!! /j/lh (under the cut cus this is long lol)

1. What’s your oc’s most irrational fear? Is there a specific reason this fear came about?

They’re really afraid of something happening to their neck, like you know, that kind of stuff, ouch, no real reason for this fear, they just have it. They’re also really afraid of being abandoned and being alone oof

2. Is your oc picky about food? What kinds of foods do they like and dislike? What do they consider a comfort or “safe” food?

They hate tomatoes and milk with a passion, but otherwise most foods are okay with them, it’s more about the texture for them, not the taste, but if it has a weird texture, big oof moments. They really like any sort of fast food (except Wendy’s) and they love Dr Pepper so much lol

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

Their voice basically sounds like mine, but low key deep, and kinda raspy too. They can sing alright, not great but they like singing along to songs. They can whistle really well, the kind of really good whistling that pisses you off >:) lol. they cannot roll their r’s lol haha loser can’t roll their r’s :’). they used to have a stutter as a kid and it comes out when they’re really upset.

4. Is your oc good at keeping secrets?

They are great at keeping secrets, because they care a lot :), but also cus they have terrible memory and will probably forget it lol

5. What kind of clothes is your oc most comfortable wearing?

Their usual comfy everyday outfit is just a t-shirt and jeans, and hoodie when it’s cold. Same thing at home, but sweatpants or pj shorts

6. What kind of clothes is your oc least comfortable wearing?

Dresses >:( they’re ugly and uncomfortable, also flip flops, they hate them (they wear crocs lmao)

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

I actually made whole a playlist for them oop- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qxg8Wm7qbMXKu2FRBKYI4 It kind of matches what they would listen to, upbeat with kind of sad lyrics

8. What’s it like inside your oc’s mind? (Literally, or metaphorically.)

No thoughts head empty, jk it’s a mess, they may seem really chill and confident on the outside, but on the inside they are always worried about saying the wrong thing and scaring people away, they just want friends :’(

9. What are your oc’s goals for the future? Relationship-wise, career-wise, or other?

Nothing much, they don’t like thinking about the future, they just go with the flow really, not good but whelp, it’s going ok so far. NO relationships tho, they are aroace, but boy do they wish they had some friends oof

10. Who’s the first person your oc goes to to talk about something that made them happy? Sad? Angry?

Usually... no one, maybe their cat or maybe their mom, but in the time where Evans is friends with Ocelot (Coelpts oc), they would go to him about literally everything lol and then get worried about annoying him oof

11. Does your oc have any interests/hobbies that they hide from everyone? Why do they hide these interests?

Not really, they have a bunch of hobbies, but cringe culture is dead so they are open about them all to whoever asks, but no one ever does aaa, but they do stuff like gaming, drawing, knitting, embroidery, baking, cooking, model trains, lots of stuff

12. How does your oc handle talking to somebody they can’t stand? What if it’s a situation where they’re forced to work with this person?

They don’t lol, they don’t take shit from no one and will say to their face that they don’t like them lol, but if they have to work with them, they will cooperate, but their gonna be a bastard about it

13. What’s your oc’s dream home like?

A cozy cottage in the woods, with lots of hiking trails all around, a chicken coop, and close to their friend’s house :’)

14. If your oc spent one day free from any consequences or recognition for their actions, how would they act?

They wouldn’t do much lol, probably just steal a bunch of Dr Pepper and snacks from the store

15. What’s your oc’s morning routine like?

They wake up at like 6 am and scroll on their phone in bed for a bit, and then get up at 7:45 to get ready lol, and leave at 8 to got to work, I mean it works but wtf Evans

16. What’s your oc’s nighttime routine like?

They usually just sit on the couch with their cat and some snack and watch TV or play games for a while before going to bed and scrolling on their phone for like an hour before finally passing out

17. If your oc had a social media page, what would it be like? What would they post about? How much personal information would they feel comfortable posting on it? How often would they update it?

They have a Tumblr, they don't make many posts, just reblog stuff, and they would totally share their fucking home address if someone asked nicely, they are unhinged

18. How does your oc see themself? How does this compare to the way other ocs see them?

They look at themself and think ‘woah that’s one sexy motherfucker’, they are a bastard man with way too much confidence, I don’t have any other os’s that would interact with them, but Ocelot totally thinks of them as just a big dumb puppy (he would never say that out loud tho lol)

19. How would an enemy describe this oc?

An arrogant son of a bitch (and they’d be right >:D)

20. What’s a superpower or magical ability that this oc would hate having?

Being able to read peoples minds, they would hate this so much, because it would make them feel evil and uncomfy, and they don’t wanna know what people are thinking about them, they think it’ll be bad oof

21. What’s a fact you haven’t shared about this oc?

They are nonbinary, AFAB, they used to wear a binder but they got top surgery at 20 years old, now they don’t wear a shirt at the beach and they’re making that everyone else's problem!! >:D

22. What’s your oc’s dream job? Is this similar to what they’re doing now? Do they believe they could ever achieve this dream?

They work for the CCC right now, and they had their dream job as an agent, but the promotion they got kind of ruined the dream, and their job is boring to them now

23. Who would this oc consider their family? What is their relationship with these people?

They have their mom, who is really great, their dad died when they were young, they don’t have any siblings, and they aren’t close with any other family. But, any friends they have they immediately get really attached to and think of as family

24. What is one thing that, no matter who it’s coming from, would anger your oc?

Getting called a coward (haha Marty McFly kinnie lmao), they are not a coward >:( (this gets them in a lot of trouble sometimes oof)

25. How does your oc handle sadness?

Not well oof, they mostly just cry a bunch and eat a lot, anything to get their mind off it

26. How does your oc handle anger?

Basically the same as with sadness but with furrowed eyebrows and ranting to their cat

27. How does your oc handle fear?

They are pretty brave so not much scares them, and they have to be brave for others, but when it comes to stuff that really scares them or just plain anxiety, they usually try to calm down as best they can, or they just run, they can run fast too

28. What’s your favorite thing about this oc?

Himbo :)

29. What’s your least favorite thing about this oc?

They have a primal urge to insult people, they don’t mean to really upset people, it’s all in good fun, but they can still be pretty mean sometimes, especially when they do it with strangers oof

30. Tell a random fact about this oc!

They’ve always wanted to have a beard or a mustache, but even with T they can’t grow much facial hair :(

#if you read all of that I love you so much wow #this was fun #I just wanted to rant about Evans lol #to get it out of my system I guess #if you send me an ask about Evans I will probably combust from happiness lol #if you listen to the playlist I made for them well just consider me deceased babyyy #my oc evans #evans #stick oc #thsc oc

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hetaces · 6 years ago

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@whatsnew-lgbtq‘s 31 days of pride day 9!! i know I haven’t been doing ‘em all but that’s okay.

day 9: books

so books are my area of expertise honestly so I picked a few favorites to talk about a lil bit here (I’ll put it under a cut).

And feel free to ask me about more books because I’m Like That.

These are all ownvoices in at least one way. Ownvoices rep will be italicized in the list.

Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley When you hear what this book is about, it sounds really bad. Like “Girl decides to ‘fix’ agoraphobic gay boy and her boyfriend gets ~close~ with him” is essentially what the synopsis says. It sets it up for every bad trope. And then uses none of them. It’s so good, has great portrayal of good accommodations, healthy friendship, and a bunch of Star Trek references. Representation: Sol is gay and agoraphobic

Heart of Iron by Ashley Poston Don’t look up the synopsis yourself, go right to goodreads (i’d link but you know how tumblr is with links), some of the synopses that come up automatically start with a “it’s like [story] in space” and it’s a spoiler. I’ll put the first part of it here bc it’s hard to get the words. Seventeen-year-old Ana is a scoundrel by nurture and an outlaw by nature. Found as a child drifting through space with a sentient android called D09, Ana was saved by a fearsome space captain and the grizzled crew she now calls family. But D09—one of the last remaining illegal Metals—has been glitching, and Ana will stop at nothing to find a way to fix him. Representation: Ana is written as acespec (not Super clear but it was the intent) Captain Siege is a lesbian. Telle is a lesbian. Robb is gay. Jax is gay.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee So, there’s a lot of hype around Gentleman’s Guide and I was sort of expecting to be let down, but it more than lived up to it. Henry "Monty" Montague is going on his Tour of the continent (travel around Europe and have fun one last time, is the idea). Chaotic disaster bisexual Monty causes trouble, of course. So then on the way to dropping his sister off at finishing school before returning home early, they get attacked. Because Monty is a dumbass (it’s actually his fault). Cue rich kids travelling with no money & trying to avoid a growing number of people. Mackenzi Lee has hit the nail on the head with growth. Not only does she get that sometimes, growth does happen because of one moment of learning, she also writes it well, which is a really difficult thing to write. There’s a lot of heavy stuff in it, but none of it was thrown in for no reason, it’s actually important to the books and to the characters. Representation: Monty is bi, has PTSD, and (at the end of the first book, so spoilers) deaf on one side Percy is mixed, mlm, and (you find out part way through so if you’re picky about it it could be spoilers), epileptic. Felicity is aroace. Many other characters who aren’t white and a wlw character in the second book.

I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver After Ben comes out to their parents, things don’t exactly go well. They get kicked out, and have to go live with their sister who they haven’t seen in 10 years. They start over at a new school, only out to their sister, her husband, and their therapist (because hey, look how well coming out went last time). This book is so damn cute. And a book with a nonbinary main character! Representation: Ben is nonbinary Nathan is bisexual and black

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire Think Narnia, but with more worlds and less religion and you've got the concept of the doorways. Children have always been disappearing - going through a door that's appeared to them. But magic worlds rarely have use for used up miracle children. So they're sent back. But they don't come back the same. The children at Elanor West's Home for Wayward Children have all tumbled once. And they all want to get back. But with Nancy's arrival, things start going wrong. Representation: Nancy is asexual Jack is pan and has OCD Kade is a trans guy Sumi is bi (Seanan McGuire is a queer cis woman)

You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman Ariel Stone is a perfect student: he’s a community volunteer, first chair violin, and is on track to be valedictorian. And then he fails a calc test. When he finds he can’t fix it himself, he reluctantly gets a tutor. And he may not like calc, but he might like Amir. I started recommending this book to people when I was 5 pages into it. Ariel is so explicitly Jewish that Laura Silverman put her grandmother’s matzo ball soup recipe in the back because it’s not fair to rave about it so much and not provide a recipe. He’s explicitly bisexual by page 8. Amir and Sook’s eyes are both described as “warm” and I honestly think it’s the first time I’ve seen characters of color’s eyes described as anything but “dark”. Representation: Ariel is bisexual and Jewish Amir is a gay Pakistani Muslim Sook is a chubby Korean lesbian

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson Shaun is back with more “so... the world might be ending?” and I absolutely love it. Dino’s ex-best-friend July died suddenly 4 days ago, and his family runs the funeral home. Dino is touching up July’s makeup (he knows how she wore it and everyone was doing it wrong), and she wakes up. But she’s not exactly... alive. She’s just not-dead. And then... other people just stop dying. So they have to figure out what’s happening. How July came back - or at least how to re-kill her when nobody can die. So not only is it a super interesting book, it’s also like... Shaun goes in on topics like “gay people making gay jokes and straight people making gay jokes are different” and “a cis guy might (might) not mind if you call him a girl, but do not call a trans guy a girl” Also I recommend anything by Shaun David Hutchinson. Representation: Dino is gay Rafi is trans, mlm, and mixed (white/Pakistani) Multiple LGBTQ+ minor characters

On The Edge of Gone by Corinne Duyvis It’s an end-of-the-world type book (via comet strike). Due to strange circumstances, Denise and her mother end up not at their government assigned shelter, but on a generation ship. And Denise has just a few days to find her sister and prove that her skills are worth 3 spots on a ship with limited resources. Representation: Denise is mixed (Surinamese/white) and autistic Iris is mixed (Surinamese/white) and a bi trans woman. Els is wlw. Leyla is wlw. Samira and Nordin are Muslim Some minor characters.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman I’m just gonna give y’all the actual synopsis this time

You probably think that Aled Last and I are going to fall in love or something. Since he is a boy and I am a girl. I just wanted to say—we don’t. Frances Janvier spends most of her time studying. When she’s not studying, she’s up in her room making fan art for her favorite podcast, Universe City. Everyone knows Aled Last as that quiet boy who gets straight As. But no one knows he’s the creator of Universe City, who goes by the name Radio Silence. When Frances gets a message from Radio Silence asking if she’ll collaborate with him, everything changes. Frances and Aled spend an entire summer working together and becoming best friends. They get each other when no one else does. But when Aled’s identity as Radio Silence is revealed, Frances fears that the future of Universe City—and their friendship—is at risk. Aled helped her find her voice. Without him, will she have the courage to show the world who she really is? Or will she be met with radio silence?

This book is so good but fair warning, it gets really heavy.

Representation: Aled is demisexual (Alice is queer/aroace) Frances is bi and mixed (white/Ethiopian) Daniel is gay and Korean Carys is a lesbian Raine is pan, Indian, and Hindu

Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis Otherbound is set in two worlds - Nolan’s (ours) and Amara’s (the Dunelands, where magic is real). Amara is on the run with the former princess, Cilla, whose family was overthrown by the ministers. Cilla has been cursed and is being hunted, and Amara’s particular type of healing magic is, basically, convenient for redirecting Cilla’s curse. Since they were children, Nolan has been experiencing Amara’s world through her every time he closes his eyes. He sees through her eyes, feels what she feels, smells what she smells. But he’s just a silent observer. She doesn’t even know he’s there. Until now. Representation: Nolan is Mexica and disabled Amara is not white, mute (due to mutilation), and bi Cilla is not white, fat, and a lesbian The majority of other characters are also not white.

#books #whatsnewpride #i am both very sorry for the length of this post #and absolutely not sorry at all

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hi-cassiel · 2 years ago

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Their naked bodies have no affect

On my disease riddled head

In my mind I’ve fallen

Head over heels with boys

Who do not exist

In my mind

They kiss my neck

and I melt into wordless bliss

Oh it is heaven on earth

Atleast

That is what they say

To love, to be loved

It Is the only way to be sane

And I could

In theory

Somewhere in the back of my mind

With a boy

Who does not exist

Love and be loved

His hand in mine

I would smile and mutter words

Words that light up

His whole life

But he is buried

Somewhere

Deep in the depths of my mind,

If you try hard enough

Can you change

Your own mind?

#arospec #aroace #poetry #more aroace angst #I love being aroace but sometimes I wish I was like everyone else okay #queer #queer art #queer artist #mlm #trans #trans masc #transgender #aromantic #asexual #lgbt #gay #ace spec

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livingasaghost · 5 years ago

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is this too personal? should it go on my private journal blog? maybe so. but i don’t fucking care.

listen i know to fall in love is like THE PEAK of the human experience (for some people, or at least that’s what the allo world has led me to believe) and i do in fact know it EXISTS like i know true love is real and it’s out there and people are living a fairytale where someone will stay married to you for like 30+ years and they will do ANYTHING you ask them too just bc they think you’re cool but like.........the fuck of it all is that i still believe romance isn’t meant for me

way back when i started this blog when i was but a dumb high school child i would always get pent up on line UGH ALAS NO ONE WILL LOVE ME I AM GROSS AND STUPID! (which like...valid) and i kept feeling shitty bc everyone was falling in love (none of those couples save the one shitty one survived that hellhole) and no boys would pay attention to me (me, a girl who stayed at home 90% of the time, did no extra curriculars outside of guitar lessons, and did not EVER interact with the boys in her classes unless forced to) and also i think i just hated myself (still valid sometimes) ...wait where was i going with this...OH YEAH i kept feeling sorry for myself bc NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE ME and it felt like some huge travesty that no guy would ever tell me he thinks i’m special and beautiful and that he would do my laundry for me if i asked (the golden standard honestly). which like...in some ways, might be true. i do think true love is special and i think everyone deserves a shot at finding that, but i think it’s been cool to see my views on all this change over the past few years.

it’s not that i don’t believe in love. it’s not even that i believe i’m undeserving of it or that no man will ever find me attractive (bc honey i am GORGEOUS and i don’t CARE). like i think if i put myself out there and did try to go on dating apps or meet people at parties or go to bars i COULD do it. like i DID go on a date last year and that guy was VERY MUCH into me. and it was sweet. it was nice to have those nervous butterflies bc OMG WAIT YOU THINK IM CUTE??? NO WAY like yes that was nice! so clearly it can happen! it’s a thing! but like...i think i’ve become more exposed to that stuff and i’ve been in those situtations and i’ve realized that i am much more aroace than i thought. i still don’t think i’m aro, by any means, bc i genuinely love romance books (which means i like romance yes????? who’s to say) but like...man the idea of being IN A RELATIONSHIP...it’s weird man.

what’s odd is that up until like...2008/2009ish i don’t think i EVER was fantasizing about marriage/falling in love...at least not like that, not dramatically. i remember in 8th grade i went to oh lord it was a BIBLE STUDY OF ALL PLACES and the girls were like “so are you praying for your future husband????” and i was like uhhh what and then i SPIRALED SO HARD after that bc i was like FUCK I MIGHT HAVE A FUTURE HUSBAND!!! WOW!!!! A WEDDING IS SO PRETTY!!! I SHOULD HAVE THAT!! I GET TO HAVE THAT!! THE UNIVERSE/GOD OWES ME THAT!!!! I’M GONNA BE THAT!!!! and like the fuck of it all is that if i had never had that realization, had never seen bride wars or started a journal to my future husband (PLZ LAUGH BC IT’S THE SADDEST MOST HETERO THING I HAVE EVER DONE AND I HATE IT BUT I KEEP IT BC IT’S A JOURNAL OF THAT TIME OF MY LIFE) i don’t think i would have spiraled so much in high school fearing i’d end up alone. like sure when i started reading romance books i got sad too, but i don’t think i realized until that age that like...i was so invested in marriage? (yes we switched from love to married we’ll get to that - apparently it’s therapy time????) like i think i always assumed it’d happen for me bc doesn’t everyone get married and have kids? (my sweet summer child oh boy the brainwashing was deep) and it’s like.......fine. bc marriage is fine. love is fine and great whatever. (and i had a great marriage to learn from) but also...........all those expectations were pinned upon me when in actuality what i’m realizing now is that IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER!!!!!!

like i’ve been to a number of weddings now and i’ve seen friends get engaged, have breakups, fall headfirst in love and then fall out it just as quick, i’ve seen friends be single and have hook-ups and get married and have their heart broken and like....even though in my heart of hearts i know it’s worth it if you find it, i also know that i wouldn’t know how to handle it. like i’ve read books about it all, i’ve listened to the songs, hell i HAVE watched other people go through it all...but i still don’t know what mine would be. bc the fuck of it all is that 1) i rarely feel attraction to anyone, and i haven’t met someone i’ve been attracted to since 2010 (!!!!) 2) at the end of the day i don’t think i necessarily want a physical relationship (which is kind of half the reason people marry right?) and 3) i don’t think i can imagine myself being that intimate with another person.

is it possible? yes. maybe one day in another 10 years i’ll make another leap and i’ll be living somewhere like new york and i’ll meet some guy through a job or through travel or through some weird twist of fate and we DO hit it off and everything works out and suddenly i realize that i can only be comfortable with this ONE person and thus we take it slow and eventually get physical and get married and HOORAY ITS ALL FINE IM NORMAL and as it turns out the gut feeling i had at 16 was correct and i AM actually demisexual! could happen. i wouldn’t be totally shocked. but i also know that right now...it’s not a possibility. it would take a LOT for me to be in that place. and i think that’s the difference. ten years ago in high school i just assumed i was normal, i assumed if i got what i thought i wanted it’d all work out and be fine and i’d be happy bc I WAS IN LOVE. but the fuck of it all is that that first date i had? it was proof that you should be careful what you wish for. i don’t want a boy to kiss me. i don’t want a boy to hold my hand. i want someone to talk to, who likes what i like, who supports me and thinks i’m cool, who’ll buy me nice presents sometimes and see me for who i am and not run away. and honestly? i HAVE THAT. i have a few people like that actually.

what i realized was that what i ACTUALLY want, is for the butterfly feeling. that feeling you get where you’re like nervous bc the other person said they think you’re cute and they want to learn more about you and they’re interested in you and they SEE YOU and you feel the same way about them and you think they’re nice to look at and they think you’re nice to look at. that’s what i want. i want the butterflies. i want to be attracted to someone. i haven’t felt that in GOD so many FUCKING YEARS. i mean i feel that with fictional characters sure, but we all know that’s stupid and doesn’t count.

like i kid you not i’ve only been attracted to two (possibly 3, but i’m not counting the 3rd) people in my entire life. just two. (i don’t count the celebrities and characters and things although i guess if i did it’d be up to like 5-10 maybe) but like people i’ve met? two. that’s it. and it’s all so STUPID. bc it DOESN’T MATTER! like i feel weird being like LOVE ISN’T FOR ME I DON’T WANT IT! bc it feels like a lie and i do know i would like someone to fall in love with me. but genuinely, truly, i feel like a different person that the hopeless girl i was in 2010 bc...i don’t need it. i don’t know what i’d do with it. i don’t want someone to touch me.

the great thing about all this that i realized a long time ago is that this bitch is never going to have a bad heartbreak. and i know the saying better to have loved than never love at all.......but i do love. i love all the time so much that sometimes i can’t breathe. i just...don’t have that kind of love. and it’s okay. bc no one will EVER hurt me like that.

like i always said if i WAS going to fall in love it would happen ONCE like i will not be dating multiple people in my lifetime, hell i probably won’t even go on that many dates without finding THE PERSON bc in part i don’t put myself out there often, but mainly bc i KNOW people. i know myself, i know what i want, i have intuition about all that and i truly genuinely think that if i ever found it, it’d be that or nothing. bc i also think the person i’d be into would be similar. and i know people probably think that’s stupid and also there’s nothing wrong with dating a lot of people in your lifetime, in falling in love more than once, but like...i’m not that kind of person. i think part of me really does believe in soulmates, even if there is some level of free will in the world outside of determinism.

but because i feel like that, and bc of my very VERY private personality (who doesn’t let people in easily, who doesn’t care casually, who doesn’t give my heart away without protecting itself) i just don’t think i’d ever let myself...oh no here is a dark truth YIKES...i don’t think i’d ever let myself feel that deeply about someone.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well this is an interesting thought

which is the PERFECT start to a romance novel i might add

like i feel a LOT don’t get me wrong. i may repress my emotions but ya girl has a lot of passion a lot of love a lot of feelings for things. and i do love some people A LOT. like friends mainly. i love them SO MUCH (too much) and the ones who are STILL my friends...i have learned how to let them live their lives. i love them desperately, they inevitably let me down or move or fall in love (jesus christ it’s the worst) or whatever, and then things shift and i tell myself “hey you know what? it’s okay, you’re clearly no longer the most important thing in their life, so you can just pull back and not invest so much in them bc clearly they want to invest in other things and that’s okay!!” and then i move all my affection to someone else who DOES want it at that time, and thus i let people go bc i give them the space i assume they need and then the space gets to big and we can’t overcome it bc i don’t know what i’m supposed to fight or go back or try again or whatever and then they don’t fight for me (maybe bc i didn’t fight first, maybe bc they just stopped caring about me) and then suddenly...it’s over and i’m sad but i’ve put so much distance between us that i don’t really feel anything anymore. like oh my god what the fuck

literally my heart’s self-destruct protocol is that when i notice someone slipping away and stop caring about me i just assume the worst and immediately stop caring about them and then they can’t really hurt me. so the ones who HAVE hurt me are the ones who directly called me out and lied to me or did something bad. most of the people i drifted from who i once ADORED really only stopped being close to me because i thought they didn’t want me around anymore and i didn’t want to be annoying. (or bc i pushed them away bc i didn’t want them but that’s another thing) so like truly i think it would have to be someone being MEAN to me out of nowhere bc otherwise i’d just be like “it’s cool, we grew apart, i’ll get over it” (which i dont believe someone who really loved me would do) ahhhhhhhhhhhh

...

so anyway we all know this is hypothetical and obviously i wouldn’t know how i’d genuinely react if i fell in love but we also know that i WON’T fall in love in the next 5-10 years (prove me wrong by tyler joseph) but it’s fucking VALENTINES DAY WEEK and literally this happens every year bc i try and convince myself that HEY! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IN LOVE DAMMIT! but then sometimes i think FUCK! I WANT TO BE IN LOVE DAMMIT! and it’s like honestly yeah mood....but they can coexist. i want to fall in love. i know i would not do well in a romantic relationship right now. i also know i deserve love, and i would be a great partner to someone. but i also know it’s all complicated and fucked up and difficult and i don’t meet people anyway and i wonder if my real partner is somewhere waiting in new york and and and and and and and i’m just so FUCKING SICK OF IT ALL!!!!!!! truly!!!!! i’m sick of feeling inadequate just bc i don’t want to kiss a boy. i’m sick of feeling obligated to fall into society’s romantic norms. i’m sick of waiting for someone to love me and treat me well when i have people who do that already. i’m sick of my friends falling in love, sick of people having their heart broke bc they fall for shitty people...i’m sick of shitty people breaking other people’s hearts for no reason. i’m sick of my awesome parents and their absolutely beautiful true love. i’m sick of being single. i’m sick of daydreaming about what it’d be like to be romantically attracted to someone. i’m sick of reading romance books and i’m sick of wishing i was in one. i’m sick of being asexual. i’m sick of allosexual people. i’m sick of watching people make out. i’m sick of my friends falling in love and then treating their friends like shit just bc they only care about their significant other. i’m sick of VALENTINES DAY!!! i’m sick of weddings!!!! i’m sick of conventional hetero norms!!!! i’m sick of love songs and dating apps and feeling like my worth is tied to someone loving me romantically. i’m sick of SEX OH MY GOD PLZ MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!

i can’t believe my therapist tried to tell me that i would always be a little lonely if i never had a romantic/sexual partner. fuck that. you don’t need anything but your friends and your family and your own self love. god is big enough.

I’M NOT LONELY I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND ME AND LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM!!!!!

...

just had a weird thought that i can never be an authentic christian bc half my friends aren’t christian so around them i act like christanity is a joke (in some ways it is?) but i also can’t be authentic around my christian friends bc some of the things they say i can’t fully stand behind either bc i am a secular person too and it’s just like WE REALLY CAN’T WIN HUH GOD!!!!! i love being unknowable!!!! at least i have laura shes the only person who understands both sides that’s nice

oh my god i get to hug laura the day after tomorrow

...

anyway.

can’t wait to be the random single family member who shows up at all the family gatherings while all my cousins get married and have kids! i finally have accepted that i get to live that dream and WOW IT FEELS GOOD!!!!!!

#love #marriage #asexuality #demisexuality #vday #why does vday even exist #im not even mad im just like......do we need it #i love capitalism #personal #sorry if you're on mobile just SCROLL PLZ

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the-zodiacs-written-in-the-stars · 6 years ago

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Chapter 11: Jessica Saint John

Today ten years ago, their parents had died in a fire. Jessie had been fourteen at the time and yet she remembered so little of the time before. The time in Dublin. Their childhood. Even their parents. She suspected it was because of the trauma of the fire, that she suppressed things.

Sometimes, she remembered their mother very clearly. How her lips were always bright-red and how her smiles were always a little sad. She always wore a ruby-cross on a golden necklace. Jessie remembered that the day before the fire, she had sneaked into her parents' room and 'borrowed' it because it looked expensive and went good with her dress and she wanted to impress that boy (urgh, the horrible phase of still believing that she would surely find The Right Person, that had been well over five years before she came to terms with being aroace). It was ironic, because now that ruby-cross was the only physical reminder the siblings had of their mother. All else was memory.

Jessie knew that they both got their freckles from their mom. As a very little girl, Jessie had found them gross and thought that something was wrong with her skin because none of the other kids had those weird dots all over! But her mom had laughed and explained that freckles were like stars. On some people, you see none like on a starless night, and other people were 'kissed by the stars' and had all those constellations on their body. Jessie and Jamie used to play connect-the-dots to make up funny-looking constellations and Jessie had come to love her freckles.

There were things that Jessie remembered about their father that she remembered too. Things that had come into a different light now that Jessie was an adult. Like how he always smelt of booze. And how she now knew it wasn't just because he owned a bar. It was a different kind of scent and a different kind of look. She remembered all the times Jamie had gotten into 'fights at school', even though her big brother had always been a peaceful person who had been beloved by everyone and who had never gotten into a fight again after they came to the US. After the fire. She remembered how many 'migraines' their mother used to have, justifying why she had no time for them. She knew they weren't migraines now, she knew what the sad smiles and empty eyes meant. She knew their mother had been suffering from depression... and from their father's abuse.

Sometimes, she wished she could talk to Jamie about it. He didn't know that she knew though. And Jessie knew that, for the longest time, the knowledge that he had been able to shield her from the abuse. She knew Jamie good enough to know that he'd feel like he had failed her if he learned that she had figured out that their father had not been the kind man she had believed him to be.

Still, every time Jessie saw Jamie with Andy and Ally, she knew it was the right decision. He just wanted a whole family. A safe family. No pain. He was such a good dad, Jessie marveled at it every time. Even though he never had that loving father figure as an example. She smiled to herself as she watched Jamie and Ally sitting at the kitchen-table, making Pokémon out of clay.

“Making the Pokémons again, huh?”, asked Jessie teasingly.

Both Jamie and Ally gave her death-glares for that. Adorable. What nerds. Ally's favorite Pokémon was Skitty, they had gotten her a stuffed toy Skitty for her birthday and while claiming she was already fourteen and too old for stuffed toys, she still kept it in her bed and seemed to love it. Shaking her head at them, she left the kitchen and headed over to check on Andy. He was more Jessie's pace, because he was a bit of a tinkerer like her. He'd help her restore the old car she had bought cheaply a couple months ago. His favorite thing to make however were slingshots. He loved them. He was trying to make the perfect slingshot.

“How's it going, kiddo?”, asked Jessie as she knocked on the door-frame.

His door stood wide open and he sat on the ground in the middle of it with a forked branch that would make for a pretty neat slingshot. He looked up at her with a crooked grin.

“Great, aunt Jess”, declared Andy. “This one is gonna be awesome.”

“I bet so”, chuckled Jessie, leaning against the commode.

She tilted her head as something nearly rolled off the commode when she leaned against it. Some of Andy's marbles were scattered across it. Those things were simply everywhere in their apartment since the kids had moved in, because Andy obviously needed ammunition for his slingshots. Raising her eyebrows, she picked one of the marbles up – she didn't even quite know why, but somehow the bright red of it was kind of enchanting. Turning it a little, she noticed that something was encased in the glass. A symbol of sorts, like a V but with its ends curling out.

“Aunt Jess?”, asked Andy curiously.

“Mh...?”, grunted Jessie and shook herself out of it. “Sorry. I don't know...”

Andy got up and walked over to her, curious what she had seen. “Oh. That. I'm sorry I took it.”

“Took it?”, echoed Jessie confused.

“Ye—eah. I saw it laying around on the balcony and it was really pretty so I took it, but it's yours, right? I mean, you're an Aries. That's the symbol of Aries. Ally said so, at least.”

Jessie turned the marble again and raised her eyebrows. He was right. That was the symbol of Aries. Now that was pretty cool. Andy reached out onto the commode and handed Jessie another marble. This one was orange, with an M inside. Virgo. Jessie frowned a little bit.

“Those are yours, right?”, asked Andy. “Like, I know Liz is a Virgo, so those are like... best friend marbles or something? They were shiny and laying around, so I took them... I'm sorry.”

“Nah, kiddo. It's fine. They're not mine”, replied Jessie with a shake of her head.

Though she guessed those would be good best friend marbles, huh. Lizzy had always been obsessed with her horoscope and stuff. Which was probably why Andy knew her sign, because every morning that Lizzy made her way over, she always read the horoscopes aloud for everyone.

“Huh”, grunted Andy curiously and frowned. “Oh well. You can keep them.”

“What?”, asked Jessie and raised her eyebrows.

Andy shrugged and tilted his head. “I got lots of marbles. Those fit you? You can keep the Aries one and give the other one to Lizzy. If I had a Leo one, I'd totally keep it though.”

“Sure thing, lion cub”, laughed Jessie. “Well. Thank you. I'm sure Lizzy will love it too.”

It was kind of adorable when Andy tried to give them stuff too, because they were always buying him and Ally gifts. Small stuff like this, they gladly accepted, not wanting to wound the kid's pride either, but sometimes he set his goals too high and they had to try and be adults and explain to him that he didn't owe them for taking him in and for the toys they bought for him.

“You're a good kid, Andy”, smiled Jessie softly. “Don't get lost in the tinkering, mh?”

“Okay, aunt Jess”, promised Andy before returning to his slingshot.

Smiling pleased, Jessie headed back to her own room. Which, used to be twice its size, before they had pulled up the additional wall to separate it into two bedrooms – one for her and one for Ally. They had done the same with Jamie's room for him and Andy. The bedrooms were rather tiny now, thanks to that, but they were big enough. Her bed and desk fit in and that was all she needed. Some may argue a closet would be practical too, but why bother? She had a chair and some hooks on the wall for her jackets. Even as a teen, her clothes had always been all over her room's floor, so she figured – why even waste the money and space on a closet to begin with?

She placed the marbles on her desk as she kicked her door close. Living with four people meant she really needed her privacy and peace from time to time. It got a bit exhausting. A lot, actually.

“Hello! It is good to finally meet you. Though, honestly, you could have picked the gem up earlier. I've been helplessly laying around, watching through the glass for weeks now!”

Jessie startled and whirled around to face... a fluffy sheep? Frowning, she approached the small creature that maybe reached her knees. It was all red-furred, though the fluff was such a light shade of red, like corals, that it looked nearly pink. IT was absolutely adorable.

“What in the world...”, muttered Jessie.

“Introductions first, you're right”, nodded the horned sheep. “I am Aries. Guardian of, well, Aries. I'm an alien from the planet Uranus. Yes, other planets have advanced life-forms. We, the other planets of the solar-system, have formed an alliance to protect you, the innocent humans on Earth, because you are not evolved enough to face the real dangers and threats.”

“Su—ure...”, nodded Jessie slowly and sat down on her bed. “What?”

“We call ourselves the Zodiac Alliance”, offered Aries. “We were formed to protect humans from learning about aliens before you are ready. You're not ready to face aliens yet, your space-travel is... mediocre at best. That's why we come down here when Earth is under threat from aliens.”

“Okay. Trying to follow here”, nodded Jessie. “Aliens. Protecting Earth. Coming when... bad aliens... attack. Sure. And no one's ever noticed fluffy sheep, eh?”

“I'm a ram!”, exclaimed Aries offended. “I'm literally Aries. How do you-”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. Ram”, corrected Jessie and lifted her hands up in surrender. “Still.”

Aries rolled his eyes and puffed out his fluffy chest. “We bond with humans, grand them our powers and stay in the shadows ourselves.”

“Powers? What... powers?”, inquired Jessie and leaned forward curiously.

“Lift your hand up, concentrate on it, channel the warmth inside your body”, prompted Aries.

It took Jessie a moment to oblige, but in the end – there was a talking, red alien ram in her bedroom so why not do as said alien ram requested? She yelped and backed off as suddenly, a flame was dancing around her fingers. Okay. She could make... fire. Interesting. Slowly, she lifted her hand up to inspect it, turning her hand around once in fascination. The flame danced around her fingers. But it did not harm her, it wasn't even really hot.

“Holy shit, I'm the Human Torch”, whispered Jessie in awe.

“If that is the alias you choose”, nodded Aries.

“No, no, that one's already taken”, grunted Jessie. “Wait. So there are others? Were others? Seriously, how would that be possible, I know I'd have heard of it if there were superheroes.”

“But you have”, countered Aries and tilted his head. “Some of my former partners, Alvis, Khnum, Belisama, Hephaestus – you surely have heard of some of them.”

“Sure, but... they're... gods. Legends. Myths. Not real”, argued Jessie.

“You have just wielded fire in your hands”, countered Aries. “And your species has shown that you are not... good... at adapting to things you do not understand. You like to assign it to a higher power. To the gods. And so, in the past, we have become gods.”

“Okay”, nodded Jessie slowly. “I mean, I guess it'd make sense that people would rather believe in gods than aliens in the past. And... you... still come. To help.”

Jessie leaned against the wall, tilting her head back. She had a far easier time believing it than she would have had a year ago. But she had seen them in the news – Scorpio, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Taurus, Cancer. So it was rather easy to believe that Aries here belonged to the same... whatever they were. Still, aliens? Aliens pretending to be gods? A bit much.

Getting her phone out, she decided to ask Google for help.

Belisama, a Celtic craftsmanship goddess, the bright one and the strong one.

Alvis, a wise dwarf from Norse mythology, a master smith.

Khnum – oh, a ram-headed deity, that seemed befitting, a creator god who made humans from clay.

Hephaestus, the big blacksmith, now that one she already knew. And all associated with fire, one way or the other – brightness, forges, flames. Which made sense, because Jessie distinctively remembered Lizzy once telling her her Zodiac stood in the element of fire, or something like that. Well, she had not taken that quite so literally though. Huh.

“Okay, I get the theme here”, grunted Jessie. “They're all... creators. Doers. Tinkerers.”

“Yes. That is the kind of human I always choose”, confirmed Aries. “Well, that and someone born under my sign, of course. That is what allows us our connection.”

Jessie had always been a creator, good with mechanics. She had hot-wired the car they had used to run away from Dublin. So Aries had a type. And Jessie fit that type. Interesting.

“So you... want me to fight alongside Scorpio and Leo and the others?”, asked Jessie next.

“Of course. With all of the Zodiacs”, nodded Aries. “From what we gathered before coming to Earth this time around, there is a... dark force, using other aliens like us for this fight. We came to collect them, to end this. We will have to locate the other Zodiacs first though.”

“How so?”, inquired Jessie, narrowing her eyes. “Where's your spaceship? Do you have tracking technology, or communicators to contact them?”

Aries raised his eyebrows with an oddly pleased look on his face. “No. We travel in those... gems, in lack of proper vocabulary in your language. They are our means of transport, but that is their only function. We can't risk coming here with actual ships and bringing technology here.”

“Understandable. In the wrong hands, they'll use it for wrong things”, mused Jessie.

She leaned back with her arms crossed and a thoughtful expression on her face, while Aries nodded. “Indeed. Now, we have to figure out how to track them. Together.”

Jessie nodded in understanding, though then she paused and turned to look at the marble. “Wait. That means Virgo is here too. Are they... not gonna show themselves?”

“We can only exit our gems once we make a connection with a human – a biological imprint, by touch”, explained Aries and shook his head. “Virgo can not leave her gem until she has imprinted on a human born under the sign of Virgo, because that is how we can pass on our powers. Humans have worshiped the Zodiacs in their own way for so long that the human belief alone acts as a strong power-source that kick-starts the process. You were born under my sign, so you can only bond with me – not with Virgo or any of the other Zodiacs. It is also a means of... protection, in a way. That is why only one of us each is sent at all times. Not two from my planet, or two from Virgo's planet. Because then a human might be able to bond with more than one of us and...”

“And?”, echoed Jessie, raising one curious eyebrow.

“We come to help, but I will admit that we can also be source of destruction”, sighed Aries. “We don't... know our humans before bonding and we always risk bonding with corrupt, bad people. Our power in the wrong hands, as you said about our technology, is not a good thing.”

“What I'm hearing here is that I don't know if all Zodiacs could be trusted because they might be bonded to bad people, okay”, nodded Jessie with a frown. “Well, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Scorpio, Cancer and Taurus have bonded with the right people, I suppose, because they've already been busy taking out the bad guys while you were laying in Andy's room.”

“Very good”, nodded Aries pleased before pausing. “Wait. But there seem an awfully large percentage unaccounted for. Me and Virgo were, unfortunately enough, found by someone neither of us could, or would, bond with – children do not make for good hosts.”

“Well, maybe the others are laying around somewhere, collecting dust too”, shrugged Jessie. “No need to worry about that now. It's just you and me right now, after all. First, I gotta figure out what to do with Virgo. Then, we figure out how to find the ones already bonded. And then we can worry about those who aren't claimed yet, huh?”

“As you wish”, nodded Aries reluctantly. “Though if I may inquire... Andy mentioned your best friend to be a Virgo. Would she not then be the perfect candidate?”

“Theoretically, yes. Practically? She is my best friend and I'm not just gonna push her head first into a potentially life-threatening hero adventure”, grunted Jessie with a frown. “I'm not an idiot, I know how dangerous this is. I'm not gonna do that to her without knowing she'd be fine with it. That includes not just blurting out 'hey I'm a superhero now, wanna be one too?'. Because then she will feel obligated to, for my sake. So, you gotta give me some time, okay?”

“I'm not forcing you to do anything”, assured Aries. “However, you could use this time to train.”

“Training. Right. Yeah. Sure”, nodded Jessie slowly. “Uhm. The fire-thing?”

“And a weapon of your choice. Do you have any preference?”, inquired Aries.

Jessie tilted her head thoughtfully. “Daggers? I've had a knack for those as a teen. Let's not talk about my teenage years maybe. Or tell my brother about it.”

“Very well”, nodded Aries.

A gasp escaped Jessie as two daggers materialized in front of her. They were curved at the tip, laid well in her hands. Red leather covering the grips, the bases adored with gems that looked like the marble but a bit larger. She whirled them around her wrist once, pleased that she could still pull that off. She placed them back on her bed and turned toward Aries again.

“So, how does that work? You... stay out here? And the daggers?”, asked Jessie slowly.

“I can return to the gem whenever I please to. And the daggers materialize at your will, as will your uniform once you have chosen one”, replied Aries.

“Ri—ight. Fancy superhero costume. Heh. Interesting”, grinned Jessie delighted.

“Do you wish to try it? Though, a fair warning, once you chose a uniform, its design will remain the same. The technology of the gem only allows one materialization of weapons and clothes, not multiple”, offered Aries with a thoughtful head-tilt.

“Oh. Well then no”, grunted Jessie with a shake of her head. “I'll leave the awesome design of my superhero-costume up to a proper designer. My best friend, Liz. She's a designer. Well, technically for ads and stuff, but she does character design in her free time.”

Jessie laid down on her bed, crossing her arms over her stomach. For now, she really just needed time to digest what she had just learned. Aliens. Superheroes. Chosen ones. Her life was most definitely taking some interesting turns there. Frowning slightly, she turned her head enough to look over at Aries, who had now settled down on one of the heaps of clothes laying around, looking pretty comfortable on the t-shirts. She couldn't help but smile a little at how cute he was.

Still. He was an alien. And now... bonded to her? That sounded very Venom to her and Jessie wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that. And while Lizzy truly was the perfect partner, because aside from Jamie he was the one she trusted the most... she would not risk endangering her if Lizzy was not one hundred percent behind that idea herself.

Damn it. Jamie. Now he really couldn't know about this. He'd definitely fuss and throw a fit and act like Jessie shouldn't be in danger like that. She loved him. She really did. But he was a bit overbearing and sometimes, Jessie felt like he had never really gotten the hang of the fact that she was a twenty-four year old adult now, not the little girl he had to protect from their abusive father.

Maybe this was her chance to prove herself. To become a hero, all on her own. To prove to Jamie that she was capable, that she did not need to be protected and sheltered anymore.

“Hey, Jess, you hungry? I brought pizza!”, called Babs from the other side of the door, knocking.

Jessie stared wide-eyed at Aries, who then, with a flash of bright-red light disappeared back into her little gem. Hastily, Jessie pocketed them both and got up from her bed.

“Pizza sounds awesome, Babs”, called Jessie back and opened her door.

“Great. Then hurry up before Andy eats everything”, declared Babs with a grin before pausing. “Are you... alright? You look kind of... winded? Something happened?”

Huh. She was really good at reading people. That might prove to be a problem, living with someone who could read her this easily. Then again, Babs had always had a nose for... secrets, somehow. Problematic. Highly problematic. She'd have to make sure Babs didn't catch on. Not so much because she didn't trust Babs – at this point, she had become kind of like a sister to Jessie too. But Babs' priority and best friend was Jamie and if tested, her loyalty would always lay with him. Meaning, she would one hundred percent rattle Jessie out to her older brother.

“Yeah, no. I'm fine”, assured Jessie with a smile. “Just stressed, I guess. Worked too much.”

“You should take more time for yourself”, nodded Babs with a concerned frown.

“Maybe I will”, stated Jessie – to invest that time into being a superhero, she thought.

Read here on AO3!

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#Aries: Jessica Saint John #Zodiac: Aries #Story: Written in the Stars #Project: Written in the Stars #Own Story #Superheroes #Zodiac Superheroes

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that-genderfluid-kid · 7 years ago

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A little about my friends...

A few years ago, I had three friends. A few weeks ago, I realised they were my holy trinit; I loved all three of them, and at the time, my definition of peace, of happiness, was when I was in good terms with all three at the same time - which wasn’t often.

One of them was like a brother to me. I felt the need to take care of him and make sure he would be okay in life, even if it seemed like everything was falling apart. I’ll call him T. The other was the boy I was so blindly in love, and even though we had many problems in our so-called relationship, it worked. We worked very well together. I’ll call him H. The third one was my very best friend, the girl who could drag my shy self out of the shell and make me laugh and forget how afraid I was of people. If I felt like I made T safe, she was the one who made me safe. I’ll call her M.

Me and T kept having problems. I come from a healthy family, which I hate to talk about, and T had just arrived from another country to live with a family that gave zero shits to him - one of the reasons it made me wanna protect him so badly. Anyways, because of that difference, we had many disagreements and arguments. Sometimes we wouldn’t speak for weeks, or even months, and those times killed me. However, it never mattered. I always went after him, and I always made sure to stay on him life in some way, even when I tried to pretend I didn’t care. I always did.

Me and H broke up and made up many many times it got to the point where it was stupid. Problem is everyone kept saying we wouldn’t work, it was too wrong, we weren’t good enough for each other, and we kept listening to people too much. Again, we broke up many times - or better, he broke up with me - and then he’d come, start talking again, we’d be friends, we’d get back together, we’d broke up - and then the cicle continued. We did - at least I did - realised we were better as friends than dates (which now makes sense with me finding out I’m aroace) but we kept pushing it because that was my way of keeping him. Eventually, we broke up for good.

Me and M are a very singular case. It’s like with T: we argued a lot, made up a lot, and eventually something happened and she was mad at me - our friendship ended for stupid reason, me being too stubborn and she being too spiteful. Not much to tell.

Well, things got better with them, after a while: me and T were talking, I got friends with H again, and me and M are in kinda weird terms for now (we aren’t really friends, but we’re not mad with each other).

Here is where the problem begins:

T kept saying, every since he arrived, he’d die in five years. Don’t ask why. Don’t ask how. He would. And that always terrified me, but I always believed I’d be there to prevent that from happening. Then, I moved towns. I got out of my city to go to college in another one and I left him there. And he was okay, he was surviving, he had friends there for him, and I’d be back during vacations or holidays and we’d see each other.

Except last holiday, I went there and couldn’t see him. I texted him and he didn’t answer, he didn’t even visualized it. I know he’s not dead - he keeps posting on facebook and all that stuff. The problem is that I don’t know what I did wrong, and I have no idea how to fix it. So every now and then, especially in my bad days, I keep thinking: what if. What if he dies right now. What if he dies hating me. What if he dies and I can’t even go see him. What if.

I miss him. I hate to admit it because he always got bitter with me for the most stupid reasons, but I miss him. I miss him calling me “little sis”, I miss him being there for me when no one was. And I hate the idea that those five years are almost over and he might die and I won’t be there for him. And I won’t know why he’s so mad. And he will die hating me. It haunts me all the time.

Which comes to why I’m making this post.

I wasn’t really talking with H. We’re friends, but he has a boyfriend now, and things got quite weird, so we don’t really talk. Until, of course, I got drunk a few weeks ago and went to cry all my life to him. It was a very meaningful conversation, and he told me he was there for me. I could trust him.

And I did. Because no matter what happened in the past, H is someone I care about, and always will. He was a big part of my life, and I can’t just throw it away. I can’t hate him. He made me very sad sometimes, but he also made me very happy. It wasn’t all good, but it wasn’t all that bad either.

So today we talked. And I complained. And then he talked.

And he’s giving up.

He doesn’t want to follow with life and that scares the hell out of me. It scares me because he’s a great person and I know there are many people who love him and I know that he’s worthy that love no matter what happened in the past. He deserves to be loved, to be cared about, and he deserves to live.

I know this may sound very selfish, but I can’t lose him. He is the one who has to want to live - it doesn’t matter how much other people care or want him to live, that’s his choice. He needs to care about himself enough to live. But I can’t bare losing him in any way. I can’t deal with him haunting my thoughts along with T. I can’t spend my nights wondering “Is he alive? God please let him be alive” (I’m not religious, it’s just a manner of speaking. I believe in the stars).

I wanna make him see how important he is. How much he has to live. How great things could be if he just hang on for a little while longer. How life can be shitty right now, but he can move on. He can make everything good again.

I know I’m not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I know I can’t give real medical advice or that I might say something wrong and fuck everything up. But I need him to live. I need that bright boy, whom which I once compared the smile to the sun, to be alive and healthy and okay. I can’t lose him.

This leads me to why I even mentioned M. To be honest, I probably would have mentioned her anyway, since as I said, she was the third part to my holy trinit. Talking about them wouldn’t feel right without talking about her. But that’s not the point.

Me and M tried to make amends. We really did. But our talks got awkward as we had nothing more to say that wouldn’t risk destroying that thin layer of friendship we were building again. To be honest, I missed M a lot. I made a friend in the city I’m in, and sometimes, she does small things that reminds me of M, and it’s almost perfect until she does something that is so much more her and so less M that it breaks the spell. M isn’t here. Our friendship isn’t here.

I loved M. She was the kind of friend that could do wonders to me. I wrote a text about our friendship for a school test. She was very important. And then everything went wrong and nothing was good anymore. And then we tried to be friends again, in the beginning of the year.

This whole situation led me to something that can either be seen as very stupid or very good. I added her on facebook again.

I don’t know if she’s gonna accept it. I don’t know how this will go. But seeing T and H breaking, I felt the need to make things right with M too. Because I can’t deal with losing someone while knowing I could’ve made things right. So I’ll try.

To be honest, I added her back because I was desperate after my talk with H and I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone who knew all my story with them, who understood all my feelings for them, and who was there with me through all of that. I needed her comfort.

She’s probably asleep, though. And then I realised I can’t ask anyone else to carry this burden with me. Which is why I’m here. Writing.

Writing used to bring me peace a few years ago. Then, when H broke up with me for real, I stopped. It felt empty. I had nothing to write about, no feelings, no happiness, no pain. I has distanced myself from everyone. Then I entered college, and it was filled with talented people who were so much better than me, and I gave up.

But I’m doing it again. Because lately, there has been so many feelings bottled up inside me and I need to put them out. I need to talk, and hope someone is listening. Hoping that, if I wish upon a star, someone might help.

Help my friends.

#depression #friends #lgbt+#lgbtq

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aroace-people-are-lgtbq · 7 years ago

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I feel like my life is useless because I’m aromantic. To just about everyone in society, finding your soulmate and getting married and having a family is the goal in life and everything you do is just training leading up to that, but being aro I will never have that end so what’s my purpose? why am I even here if I can’t love like everyone else can. Every since discovering I was aroace has made me depressed and feel broken. I just wish this could change

Sometimes I feel like this too. It's really hard, but we get to make our path. The idea that the only purpose in life is marriage and family is total bullshit. There are plenty of people who never get married, never have children, are their lives useless?No, because there are a million other things that you can do, you can travel across the world, you can have a million of your favorite animal companions, you can own a farm with your best friends, you can stay home and watch TV, whatever makes you happyAnything you want for your future is your future. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourselfYou're here because you are, we don't get to decide when we live, all we get to do is decide what to do with the time we have. You love deeply, differently, yes, but deeply and fully. The love you feel may not be romantic but it is still valid and beautiful in its own waySometimes I hope that it will change too, anon,I hope that I'll meet the right person and discover that I do love, there's nothing wrong with that, or with feeling broken. I always make myself remember that I am complete whether or not I ever fall in love. And so are you ❤️And the truth is that we can make as many plans as we want, we can't see the future, maybe our orientation will change, maybe it won't, but either way this is who you and I are right now. We are not uselessWe are not broken,We are whole and complete human beings with endless possibilities for the future(And if identifying as aroace doesn't make you happy, it's okay to try different Identities or not use aroace)I love you anon, and I hope you be kind to yourself tonight and every night-Mod Ama

#asks

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aroaceways · 5 years ago

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Seeing as a someone who is ace but not aro and someone who is aro but not ace has commented on this, I thought I could add my thought as an aroace to this?

A lot of people think being aro/ace is a negative thing and that the person themselves wishing to be like the rest I'd the world, but some of us just really don't care/like being this way. Imo you could see it like this: when we're born, everyone lacks attraction, yet most people start being attracted to others during puberty. So an aroace person never knew any other way of feeling towards people, hence the idea of being "like everyone else" doesn't always apply since being like everyone else would mean not being myself, so I wouldn't be me if I werent aroace

Not everyone has the moment™ of realization when it comes to their identity. Personally, I didn't really care about labels growing up and figured "if I fall in love, I'll fall in love" and at some point i thought that you know what? Maybe I am ace, so let's learn about it and join the community to find like-minded people

Romance/sex is EVERYWHERE and it's exhausting. Of course, this doesn't apply as much in the 1800s, but even without commercials everywhere, stories and people keep focusing on relationships and getting married. That can sometimes be very exhausting

Not being taken serious. Unfortunately, people can't seem to wrap their head around the idea of someone not wanting a relationship and being okay with it. In fact, it's the people who aren't aro/ace that are worried about us, but we're fine!

Worrying that you're being perceived to flirt with guys! I think I've had a guy friend once who thought we were flirting? Still not sure tbh, though him sending me a snapchat of him in bed (a blanket covered him for the most part) despite him being in a relationship was too concerning for me. I grew up with older brothers, to me, it's just teasing! But people always tend to perceive teasing someone of a different gender as ~flirting~

Giving relationship advice. Whether you have friends who are aro/ace, you surely also have friends who aren't. At some point, they might ask for relationship advice. My advice? BREAK UP! I'm sorry, but if you're just complaining about how they cause you mental distress etc I will keep saying you should break up with them and no amount of you saying that youre scared of feeling lonely is going to change my advice (my friend didn't listen and got dumped instead). I guess it can be perceived as harsh? Oops!

Aroace people can make dirty jokes and understand them, we're not always oblivious! But we can be, sometimes, because we don't necessarily (especially when not engaging in sexual activities) know about all the sex stuff your jokes might be about. Personally, the dirty jokes I get are due to me spending time on social media. So maybe someone from the 1800s wouldn't get as many dirty jokes because of the lack of social media?

These are just some things I can think of at the top of my head, hope it helps!

Hi there, I’m writing a novel with an aro/ace main character in a late 1800s-esg world and was wondering if you had any tips on accurately portraying that aspect of him and how he handles it (I have a general idea since I’m demi and on the spectrum) thanks!

Oh boy this is difficult because aces are so different from each other. I really appreciate the question though! It’s so important for aces to be included and obviously non-aces of all sorts can write them.

This is just a reflection of myself and what I would love to see in an ace character. I am not aromantic though, so please yell at me if I get this wrong.

I’d love an arc of a character coming to terms with being asexual. The few times I’ve seen it the character just has a scene “coming out” but there’s no journey.

There needs to be a character who realizes but denies it, and learns that being asexual doesn’t mean never finding love or a relationship, and then accepts it.

For a character who is also aro this can def be realizing they want to spend their life with their best friend or even with a parent/ child relationship ... the point is they can have meaningful platonic relationships.

Aro/ ace doesn’t mean wanting to be alone.

In general if it’s from their POV, I find people aesthetically pleasing with their outfits or the way they’ve done their hair. I personally don’t really think about if someone’s “good looking” in reference to their body. Aesthetically though I’d notice.

There’s definitely a disconnect during conversations with other people about who they think is good looking or about sex, etc. But it’s not obliviousness or ignorance. Just because a character is ace doesn’t mean they’re “innocent.”

I mean I’ve talked about about masturbation in terms of sexuality on here than I think anyone would in the real world 😂

Please add to this because so many people are scared of writing ace/aro characters but you don’t have to be.

#aroace #aro #ace #Writing

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sasuita · 8 years ago

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Bad Headcanons Sasori version:

•because of his time spent in hiruko, and his knowledge that open combat is his only weakness, sasori has developed severe agoraphobia.

He shows no signs of this. He fights Sakura and Chiyo with a pretty level head. Keep in mind you said severe. He wouldn’t be able to function to be an Akatsuki member of that were the case.

•he, like kakuzu, zetsu and deidara, is aroace.

Sasori is forcibly celibate because he turned his fifteen year old body into a puppet, not because he’s aroace.

•there’s a tv inside hiruko. how? why? nobody knows…(okay this one was kinda a joke)

That one had better be a joke.

•he respects the zombie duo more than he does anyone else because they are essentially immortal.

This one is fine, sure.

•though he attacks deidara often, he never actually intends to hurt him. if he did manage to injure his partner, he would panic.

Oh, is it time for subtle SasoDei hints? Because Sasori doesn’t care. Deidara was yelling at him during his final moments and Sasori didn’t pause to listen to Deidara for a second. The obsession is entirely one-sided, on Deidara’s side.

•despite the fact that he never sleeps, he hates getting up in the morning.

Do you realize this contradicts itself?

•he’s a surprisingly good cook, considering the fact that he can’t eat…

Chiyo cared for him until he was 15 and then he turned himself into a puppet. If you’d like to say “cooking poisons”, sure. Food? No.

•he and kakuzu, being the only akatsuki that physically cannot get drunk, have a storage of embarrassing photos of their drunken partners.

Wacky Akatsuki Dorm Shenanigans!!!! I really despise any headcanons that pretend Akatsuki was close-knit or stayed in the same building frequently, there is literally so much material that proves you wrong.

•he can be mildly overprotective of deidara, whom he sees as a younger brother.

Sasori literally does not care about him in that manner. In his first meeting he said Deidara was the type to get himself killed quickly. Deidara’s a hindrance.

•he enjoys having the akatsuki around. to him, they’re like the family he didn’t have.

Absolutely not. Same problem as two headcanons above.

•he resents konoha for killing his parents, though he claims he has no emotional connection to them.

Pretty sure the fact he turned them into puppets is proof of an emotional connection. He died in the same pose they last held him, twice.

•if given the chance, he will force people to fight against puppets made from their loved ones.

He does this, with the Sandaime Kazekage puppet.

•yes, his puppet body is made out of his own flesh and no, that’s his actual hair, not a wig.

It’s said to be wooden. You even hear all the clacking from the wood in the show. It’s a wig, not his hair.

•he has accidentally poisoned the other members a few times. he waited until the final day to give them the antidote.

Pretty sure if any poisoning was happening it’s not on accident. Again with the assumption they frequently spend time in close quarters.

•designing puppets has allowed him to become an excellent artist on paper.

Okay.

•konan tries to force him out of hiruko sometimes. he…doesn’t really oblige.

Why? Why would she have any reason to try to force him out of Hiruko? This makes no sense. Once more with the assumption they frequently spend time in close headquarters.

•he has to oil his joints periodically.

Sure, this one’s fine, all puppets need a form of maintenance at some point.

•there’s not really any members that he doesn’t get along with. he’s chill with everyone until you make him wait.

Deidara.

•he hates waiting so much because of his parents. he spent so many years waiting for them to come home, and they never did. now he gets worried if he’s kept waiting for too long.

He doesn’t get worried, he gets mad. Otherwise this is fine. You legit said hate at the beginning and then changed it.

•that’s also partially why his poisons take so long to kill. it’s a strange mixture of sadistic pleasure and a human side that wishes to give his victims’ families a chance at keeping them.

You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. But also no, the second half makes no sense. He was actively pissed that Sakura managed to make an antidote for Kankuro.

•because of his lack of blood, he can’t blush.

Not arguing with this one, but it’s kind of a duh and shouldn’t be a headcanon.

•he hates children, but is surprisingly good with them. that is, he can handle them and keep them happy for the most part, but he lacks any parental instinct whatsoever and can be a little too blunt.

Why would Sasori give a shit? Children are a nuisance to him and he would never want to take care of one.

•he despises anything related to Pinocchio.

PINOCCHIO DOESN’T EXIST IN THE NARUTO-VERSE.

•some of his hobbies are rather «feminine», including knitting and sewing.

Assuming sewing is a feminine task= no. But he properly needs to sew the cloaks on some of the puppets, so sure.

•perhaps somewhat ironically, he enjoys pottery.

Literally nothing backing this up.

•his puppet body still has nerves and can feel pain.

NO YOU FUCK HE MADE THAT PUPPET SPECIFICALLY TO RID HIMSELF OF HUMAN WEAKNESSES INCLUDING THE ABILITY TO FEEL PAIN, READ THE GODDAMN MANGA AGAIN.

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shadowboxmind · 8 years ago

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Tag game

I was tagged by @fire-fira! :D

Very long post incoming

rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people

LAST… [1] drink: Milk [2] phone call: My dad [3] text message: @sunshines-stories [4] song you listened to: Girls Can Do it Like a Dude [5] time you cried: Couple weeks ago?

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope [7] been cheated on: nope [8] kissed someone and regretted it: nope [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: yea. A lot of cartoons happen during those times [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Hell no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] Dark green [13] Dark blue [14] Black/red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yeah! [16] fallen out of love: Nope [17] laughed until you cried: Yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: Yes? I’m not sure what this means tbh [19] met someone who changed you: I’m not sure, but I’ll say yes [20] found out who your true friends are: Not in the last year I don’t think [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Nooo

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them. They’re all people I know, either from my school or SAT teachers I’ve had (hey they’re pretty cool people) [23] do you have any pets: No, but I want one [24] do you want to change your name: Not really. I have considered it, but it’d be a very small change (switching my first and middle name for reasons) [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Pretty much nothing. I can barely remember, I don’t think I even had a cake. Which was by design - I don’t like making a fuss over my birthday [26] what time did you wake up: Almost noon. Daylight savings is unfortunate [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Doing biology homework [28] name something you cannot wait for: Young Justice season 3! So much possibility. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: Half an hour ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I’d like to actually have time management skills, that’d be great [31] what are you listening to right now: Black Fox by Heather Dale [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yeah, there’s a kid at my school [33] something that is getting on your nerves: My parents [34] most visited website: Probably youtube [35] elementary: Not bad. I moved from California to Washington in the middle of first grade. I have vivid memories of there being one girl who wanted to be my friend in the CA school, and one day I ignored her on the playground and she cried and told the teacher, and I said I just hadn’t seen her, which was a lie. And then when I told everyone I was moving she cried and we hugged. Good times. Then the one in WA was okay. Nothing remarkable. [36] high school: IB Diploma is a bitch, but I’ve liked the majority of my teachers. Junior year’s been the hardest, mostly because of the aforementioned IB Diploma and a certain social studies teacher but yeah [37] college: I’m planning on focusing on art in college but that’s in the future still [38] hair color: Black. Dark brown if you’re that person. It used to be bleached and almost blonde at the tips because swimming and chlorine damage, but since I stopped it’s back to being black [39] long or short hair: Currently long, down to the middle of my back. My mom’s talking about cutting it short, I kinda want a pixie cut [40] do you have a crush on someone: Nah [41] what do you like about yourself: Uhhhhh I am okay at writing and arting which is nice [42] piercings: Nah [43]blood type: O something. Not sure. [44] nickname: None. Well, online I guess “Nixy” counts :P [45] relationship status: Single and likely to remain so (aroace yo) [46] zodiac sign: Chinese - dragon. And apparently Virgo for the other one [47] pronouns: She/her [48] fav tv show: Uhhh I’ll say Young Justice [49] tattoos: None. I’d like to get one sometime though [50] right or left hand: Right

FIRST… [51] surgery: None, as far as I know [52] piercing: None [53] best friend: I don’t think I have one right now [54] sport: Ballet. I gave them up after a few years [55] vacation: China. But I don’t know if it counts if I spent a year over there. I was less than a year old. Otherwise, the earliest I remember was a trip to Legoland when I was maybe four or five [56] pair of trainers: I have no idea

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Apple chunks [58] drinking: Nothing [59] i’m about to: Finish my language arts homework (hopefully) [60] listening to: Wiritng music playlist [61] waiting for: My homework motivation to return [62] want: To sleep for ten years [63] get married: Nah. [64] career: Student

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: Hugs. Definitely hugs [66] lips or eyes: I assume these are for people I find attractive which isn’t a thing... eyes? [67] shorter or taller: Idc. Shorter means I can tease them about their height, because I’m pretty short. Taller will likely mean teasing about my height, but then I can use them to get things off of tall shelves. [68] older or younger: I have friends who are younger and friends who are older. I don’t care. [70] nice arms or nice stomach: Uh. [71] sensitive or loud: Sensitive? [72] hook up or relationship: Neither, but a relationship if I had to choose [73] troublemaker or hesitant: A troublemaker is just going to irritate me in the long run, so hesitant I guess.

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? Hell no [75] drank hard liquor? Hell no [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I don’t believe so [77] turned someone down: Technically yeah. Nothing romance related though [78] sex on first date? Hell no [79] broken someone’s heart? I hope not [80] had your own heart broken? Yea [81] been arrested? Nope [82] cried when someone died? No [83] fallen for a friend? Nah. Unless you count squishes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? Eh. Occasionally [85] miracles? Depends [86] love at first sight? No [87] Santa Claus? I believe in the existence of historical St. Nick [88] kiss on the first date? Me, definitely not. But you do you friends [89] angels? I consider myself agnostic, so... if they exist, great, if not, okay

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: see previous best friend question [91] eye color: Brown [92] favorite movie: Mmmmmmm I’ll say the LotR trilogy

I tag: @sunshines-stories, @whoisaudreytoday, @trisscar368, @romanticcomedyheroine, @marfacat, @ollie-official, @saurons-optometrist, @justforsmiles, and anyone else who wants to!

#tag game #long post

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