#more angsty and toxicity centered

[toxcicada]

My Asexual-old-man X Interdimensional-weird-guy toxic situationship playlist. Some silly Billy songs, some bill-is-pathetic-in-the-theraprism songs, some toxic manipulative relationship songs, some Ford-losing-his-mind songs, some possessed-Ford songs, a couple brotherly conflict songs thrown in, a lotta Get Scared, & various emo breakup bangers.

[kookslastbutton]

Guilty Pleasures ༓ jjk, kth (m) | ch. i

✑ Summary: Three years of being Seoul's power couple earns you nothing but a big fat divorce settlement and your face plaster on every gossip column around town. You're angry, hurt, and desperately want to move on, but worst of all? You're still in love with the man who started the whole mess, even though the most he can ever see you as is a friend. The renowned actor you've hired to be your company's new endorser seems to have a soft spot for you though. He's easy on the eyes, you'll admit, but who actually wants a divorcee like yourself? It's unrealistic really.

pairing: ex-husband ceo!jungkook x ceo!reader, slight actor!taehyung x ceo!reader

genre/AU: angst, smut, loverstoexesto ?, unrequited love

word count: 3,328

Warnings: oc and jk are both 30, mention of gossip columns and unequal treatment of how oc is portrayed post-divorce, hint of differences between men and women in the business world, oc struggling to be professional, both care about each other and are not toxic but oc fell in love, oc has the need to groom him a little out of habit, talks about Bam, feat, Namjoon and Taehyung, and sexual content

sexual warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, desk s*x, d*rty talk, oc is on bc, handjob, swearing, making out, neck kisses, clothed s*x, impulsive s*x, light praising, growling, some minor petnames (baby, Kook), mention of threesome, recalling of past sexual events

playing: Unkiss Me

a/n: uh…this one has been in my drafts and idk its kinda angsty but I decided I will share it. Enjoy! 🥰

series masterlist | next >>

From the moment he stepped into your office, Jungkook could tell every ounce of color was drained from your face. All except for your puffy red eyes that is, which he knows you've been rubbing fervently to keep your tears from rolling down your cheeks.

He doesn't blame you for it though–you're his ex-wife.

Recent ex-wife that is.

For three years the two of you masqueraded as the perfect power couple; appearing completely in love to the public eye in hopes of forming an unshakable business partnership (transaction more like). You attended charity balls together, collaborated on several work projects, and attended countless corporate functions to establish both your presence in your respective industries.

That's right, you and Jungkook were in an arranged marriage and it would have flourished into a classic love story if it wasn't for one obvious detail–you're the only one that fell in love.

Despite all the times he's called you "stunning" when you dolled up for formal events or that you "feel so good" during late-night sex, Jungkook never truly loved you. He cared about you, did his best not to intentionally hurt you, and even tried loving you back; thinking he could fall for you with time.

But the most he could ever see you as is a friend, a beautiful friend, though a friend nonetheless. He knows how much it pains you, especially after you've held out hope that he'll want you the same way someday. This one embarrasses you the most which he wishes it wouldn't.

Well, Jungkook doesn't want to trap either of you in a loveless marriage any longer. So even if it means being the center of gossip columns for a while, he's giving you a divorce so you can find the right person to share your love with.

After all, you deserve it; you both do.

Today's day one of looking at one another as exes and it's bittersweet, to say the least. The only factor that would make this worse is if children were in the equation, but there aren't any.

"Thanks for letting me swing by __," he speaks first, doing his best to conjure up a genuine smile. The black floral button-up he's wearing suits him well and his smooth chest peaking out near the collar is far too tempting, yet you know better than to let your eyes linger.

"Of course," you answer and grab a small box from behind your desk. "These are 100% yours so I wouldn't keep them from you." Jungkook takes the box of belongings from your hands with slight hesitation. You're keeping a brave front for the sake of civility and professionalism.

He doesn't blame you for that either.

As a CEO of a large multinational corporation himself, Jungkook's no stranger to the age-old philosophy that that office is no place to let your personal woes get out of hand; you have a team to lead and a reputation to uphold. The latter is proving to be harder for you than him, however, being that the media is portraying you as some kind of she-devil, spinster, or worse of all—a cheater.

Jungkook plans to personally make sure those articles get removed from the public eye before the end of the week. (Not that he'll tell you though.)

"I still could have dropped by the house to pick these up if it'd been easier. I feel bad for interrupting your work day over a couple of old books, records, and dog toys." He watches you nod silently as he vocalizes the inconvenience of it all; he really doesn't have to but he does it anyway.

"No, it's alright. You haven't been to the house since you moved out, so I thought it'd be better if we met here instead." You pause to check the time. "If there's anything you think of that you might've forgotten later, just let me know. In the meantime, I have a meeting in twenty so..."

"He misses you."

"I'm sorry?"

"Bam, I mean." Jungkook throws the box under an arm and pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his camera gallery until he gets to one particular photo of a red and tan Doberman. "He hates the new place and all he does is sulk by the door."

Your heart's already struggling to settle down from the painful reality that the man you love is leaving you, let alone being reminded of another forced separation. Bam's the closest thing to a baby that either of you ever had and he was one of the few things that bonded you and your now ex-husband together.

Being Jungkook's dog, however, he couldn't stay with you. That means no more visiting the dog park, sneaking treats behind Jungkook's back, and snuggling together in the king-size bed after a stressful day.

"I'm sure he just wants his favorite chew toy that's been held hostage at the house," you joke lightly, thinking it simpler to spin the topic. It's similar to what Jungkook does when he uses flowery language to soften the cold hard truth of your divorce; that he doesn't love you and he can't ever. "Give Bam a lot of attention for me. I miss him too."

"Of cour—shit!" When Jungkook moves to slip his phone back into his pocket he loses his balance, causing the box with his belongings to spill out on your office floor. Naturally, you kneel down to help him clean up the mess. It's not until your fingers reach for the same item and come into contact with each other that you quickly retract your hand. "Sorry, did I shock you?" He asks gently and tosses the last item into the box before standing up.

"No, you didn't." You rise to your feet as well, until you're face to face with him. This time it's closer than before. His hooded eyes stare straight into yours and you can't believe it takes being inches from his face to notice how bloodshot his eyes are. "You look exhausted. You should go home and rest Kook." The petname is out before your brain tells you to stop.

Jungkook's eyes widen, the corner of his lip subtly quirking up for the first time since the start of the conversation. "Don't worry about me __. I probably get more breaks than you do. But thanks." He briefly glances at the ticking Snoopy clock behind you, a Christmas gift he gave you as a joke last year. "You still have that?"

You look over your shoulder at the small, Snoopy-shaped digital clock on your desk. Ten minutes until your next meeting. "It's cute and it makes for a great conversation starter with clients so I guess so. If you want me to give it ba—"

"Keep it," he interrupts. "Please, it was a gift and I'd like you to have it if you enjoy it." Jungkook gnaws on his lip before continuing. "Speaking of clients and business partners, I should make myself scarce now shouldn't I?"

"Yes. I do have that meeting soon." But once he leaves, neither of you is sure when you'll see the other again aside from the odd charity event. The Annual Winter Gala in December is one that particularly comes to mind.

Most high-ranking executives like yourselves attend the function to keep up appearances and to network with other professionals. Last year, you and Jungkook were the center of attention however now that you're divorced, you fear you'll be avoided like the plague—they always preferred Jungkook over you anyway.

"You're forming a new partnership with that actor, right? Kim Taehyung? I read an inkling about it online yesterday." He also read his whole biography too. The man is equally handsome as he is altruistic and kind.

"Nothing's signed and sealed yet. I'm sure you've heard that he's gotten dozens of other offers on the table. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't nabbed him yet."

"Yeah, we don't need...wait sorry, let me rephrase that. We aren't ready for a new partner or merger yet."

You can read between the lines despite Jungkook's correction. His company is thriving more than yours in every way, so he doesn't need the help of a third-party endorser...like you. Well, you're not doing too shabby yourself and this isn't simply about fame and fortune you want to argue.

The head poking through your door stops you from following through on that last line.

"Mrs. Jeon—shit." Your secretary Kim Namjoon screws his eyes shut at his drastic misstep. "Ms. __, Kim Taehyung called and said he'll be a bit late due to unexpected delays during his filming today. He apologizes profusely but is on his way over now. Sajangnim," he bows at Jungkook respectively.

"That's fine, Namjoon, thank you. You can send him in whenever he gets here. Mr. Jeon was just about to leave and I had the rest of my day cleared."

"Of course. I'll let him know to come in." Your secretary nods and shuts the door. Jungkook shifts between his feet once Namjoon is out of sight, a habit he's picked up that tells you he has more to say.

"Was there anything else, Mr. Jeon?" You shuffle a few files on your desk, prepping for your meeting with Taehyung. At this point, you're not even looking at Jungkook.

"Mr. Jeon? I think I prefer when you call me Kook more," he mutters, allowing his line of sight to catch a glimpse of your lips. "Can I...kiss you? Before I go."

The question knocks the wind out of your lungs and you instantly lift your head up toward him. "Kiss me?" You gulp slowly, then shake your head. "No, I'd rather we not. Goodbye kisses aren't really my thing." You couldn't be a bigger liar, evident from the sudden churning in your gut. Having Jungkook's lips on yours was the best and worst moments of your entire relationship but you have to fight yourself....your innate desires that tell you to say yes.

"Okay, I understand. What about a hug?"

"Jungkook..."

"I'm sorry, I'm pushing. Thanks again for my stuff." He gestures at the box under his arm. "I hope your meeting with Kim Taehyung goes well. Maybe I'll see you both at the next Winter Gala." He makes a beeline for the door.

"Wait!"

Jungkook stills in his tracks as he watches you stride in front of him. He's unsure what you stopped him for until your hands reach out towards his shirt collar, smoothing the delicate material down. A light smile plays on his face as you do this, though he says nothing aside from a simple 'thanks'.

"It was bothering me the whole time." You finish fixing his collar and peer up into his Bambi eyes. Out of all the potential suitors, you wish Jeon Jungkook didn't become your husband. It's not like you got to keep him or anything.

Jungkook once again flickers his gaze toward your barely parted lips. And this time, you do the same for him. Before either of you have time to back out you lean forward and kiss him.

It's a hard kiss too. Painful but so inviting that neither of you pulls away.

With his free hand, Jungkook snakes a hand around your waist to hug you close. Having his fingers pressed against the small of your back is so familiar and all you can do is deepen the kiss.

You're obviously not the only one that gets a sense of pleasure from this because, in a matter of seconds, the box from under Jungkook's arm falls to the ground. He then places his second hand on the side of your neck and jawline which you lean into, exposing the other side of your neck.

"Jungkook," you gasp when his lips attach themself to the soft skin, sucking lightly. His teeth come out and nip too. "Wait, we can't do this, we shouldn't. Taehyung, he'll be here soon."

"That would have sounded so convincing if you didn't just moan the words, baby." He walks you backward until you're forced to sit atop your mahogany desk.

"Don't call me that." You allow him to push up your pencil skirt and spread your thighs until your panties are the only material he sees. You decided to go with black lace today, his favorite now that you think about it.

"Did you—"

"No, they weren't for you."

A brief growl leaves the man's rose-tinted lips. "In that case, we don't need them." He places both hands on your hips and brings you into another kiss, messier than before. His tongue shoves between the seam of your lips to lick every crevasse he can. He hasn't kissed you like this for months and to be brutally honest, he's missed it as much as you.

Jungkook hasn't been with anyone else since marrying you either, which means he's completely adjusted to your body, your preferences, and what turns you on. The same applies to you so while he's busy shoving his tongue down your throat, you palm his half-harden bulge through his trousers.

"Mm," he groans and bucks his hips into your hand. You smile at how well you've managed to draw a response from him. With a little burst of confidence, you hastily move to unbuckle his pants. "What are you doing?" He mumbles between kisses.

You decide not to answer, preferring to reach inside his trousers to take his length out. You make sure to pump it a few times until he's fully hard. Jungkook has a gorgeous dick, and that takes a lot for you to admit.

"Fuck, that's it." He says with gritted teeth, now watching your hand as it moves up and down his cock. "Get me how you want me."

"We don't have much time." You slide your panties down your legs and spread your thighs wide apart, which makes Jungkook's eyes dilate about 10 meters. "Fuck me, please." One last time. Make love to me one last time.

"Are you sure? I don't have a condom."

"It's okay, I'm on birth control. As long as you're still clean then its fine."

"I am. I got tested recently. But are you sure you want this?"

You glance at his pulsating length, tip leaking with pre-cum, and swallow hard. "Hurry."

"Fuck, okay." Jungkook wastes not another second and guides you flat on your back, his hands resting on either side of your body. The coolness of your desk has you shiver slightly. He then urges you to raise your legs until they can wrap loosely around his slim waist. And as if second nature, you link your arms around his neck as he eases him into you. He's able to bottom out without much effort thanks to how wet you've become.

"Oh god." Your back arches off the surface of your desk as Jungkook thrusts into you. They're only practice thrusts at first to get you re-adjusted to his size, yet the pleasure zipping down your spine already has your eyes rolling up.

You shouldn't be doing this at all. Your conscious whispers to again to which you blindly dismiss. You'll enjoy it now and tomorrow, start a new—another lie you tell yourself.

"Fuckfuckfuck, you're so wonderful for me," he chants while pushing his cock in and out of you, the speed of his movements picking up to an insane rate. Jungkook never had an issue with quickies so he's likely in his element now. "You know what this reminds me of?" He cocks a smirk and kisses down your neck.

"Hm?"

"That time when we were abroad for a weekend conference. Remember when we stopped at my second office to pick up some files? You were so horny that day that you pushed me into my chair and demanded that I let you ride me. It took the wind right out of my sails to see you like that, so confident and in control." He prys apart the top button of your blouse until he can slide the material down your shoulders. He doesn't take it off completely, favoring the chance to place kisses on your newly exposed area instead.

"I was beyond stressed that day. It was the first time I had to speak at that conference and you looked so good with your freshly slicked back hair. I couldn't stop myself—oh fuck! Right there Kook, don't slow down. Please." Jungkook grunts at the use of his petname and fucks you rougher, sweat forming around his forehead as his dark hair dangles messily over his eyes.

You manage to sneak a glance at the time on your Snoopy clock between thrusts. "Shit, I need to come soon, or Kim Taehyung's never going to agree to do business with me." The man laughs and buries his head on your shoulder.

"You never know, he could be really into threesomes."

"Fuck! Don't joke about that." You claw at his back and surprise both of you with the unexpected clenching of your pussy.

"You're right, I take it back," he groans and continues to snap his hips. "Looks like he's not the one who wants a threesome after all, considering your body's response to the suggestion. You wanna ask him if he walks in?" He whispers in your ear and you're embarrassed that your cheeks burn at the thought.

Of course, Kim Taehyung was sexy and you've rehearsed to yourself dozens of times not to let yourself get any crazy ideas about him. Still, one unrequited love is enough for you; Taehyung wouldn't want a divorcee. You shake the train of thought before it has time to go any further. "Make me come, Kook. Need you to finish too. It's not just Taehyung who could walk in at any second."

Jungkook grunts and continues to thrust into you, bouncing you up and down his thick length as the desk shakes underneath you. He feels you getting closer and closer by the sporadic clenching of your walls squeezing him. A big part of him doesn't want this to end but it has to....he doesn't love you. He only wants to make you feel good before he has to say goodbye. Both of you come just before Namjoon calls your office phone, giving you a heads-up that Taehyung's about to enter your office.

Jungkook shoves his pants back on while you button up your blouse and fold over your skirt. You decided to shove your underwear in your bag with the lack of time. No one has any business digging in there anyway.

"How do I look?" You turn around to get a quick once-over from Jungkook but he's already out the door. Now the person standing in front of you is Kim Taehyung who has nothing but the most genuine smile.

"You look lovely as always Ms. __. I'm so sorry I'm late by the way. I feel terrible about it so I brought you these." Taehyung whips out a large bouquet of your favorite flowers. "Hope you don't mind that I did a little research on you ahead of time. I found out these have a special place in your heart."

You smile and accept the bouquet with thanks. As you set them on your desk, a messages comes through your phone. You manage to give a quick look.

Unknown Number: Sorry I had to duck so fast! I know it looked rude but Taehyung was already opening the door and you were dressed so I thought it'd be better if I left. Hope you're meeting goes well! And thanks for everything today ;) if you need anything, you have my number.

You flip your phone over and invite Taehyung to have a seat. Business is business, and you have to carry on even if your heart has completely sunk to the ground. Kim Taehyung is sweet anyway, so you'll enjoy his company.

Too bad you don't realize how much he enjoys yours as well.

a/n: so, yeah... there's a potential for our Jk to actually love oc and not realize it but either way he does care about her (despite the impulsive sex). And yes, taehyung likes oc... it's like a double unrequited love 😔 okay bye lmk what you think, thank you! 😘

Also, lmk what you think about jk in this poll!

masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[anarcoqueer1994]

I need more of Eddie telling the band! Need it! Fix my brusied heart! Fix Steve's bruised heart! Tell me that he's everything! He is everything!!

Part 1 here.

Hope this fixes it <3 I'm going to admit my toxic trait is being angsty and not always being the best at fixing it. But I hope this is good. Thank you for reading!!

"Dude, what was that?" Gareth finally breaks the awkward silence between the 4 of them. They all look at Eddie.

He presses his palms to his eyes until he can see little white dots when he opens them again to stare at his three best friends. He feels like dirt. Actually less than dirt. He cared so much about what they would think of his dating Steve, that not only did hurt his favorite person in the whole world, but he did not even trust his friends enough to give them a chance. He finally lets out a sigh before saying "That was me fucking up. Like royally fucking up.".

"You going to explain, maybe?" Jeff asks, slowly putting the pieces together but confirmation from Eddie would be nice.

"I, um, I mean Steve and I have been seeing each other for the past 6 months, since Spring Break actually." Eddie finally says, holding his breath, waiting for a response.

"You guys have been seeing each other for six months?" Garreth parrots back in disbelief.

"Yea. He's my boyfriend...well he was. I actually don't know now." Eddie says sadly.

"You have been together for like half a year, and you didn't tell us, why?" Caleb asks, confused in why Eddie would hide this.

"I don’t know, man. It's just, in high school we would talk so much shit about people like Steve. And I know Steve better now, so I know how much of a great guy he is but like he is still an ex-jock. And I was worried about, you know." He mumbles.

"You were worried what we would think. Man, what is wrong with you?" Jeff laughs. "Eddie Munson isn't supposed to care what people think, even your loser friends."

'Besides, if you say he's good, we trust you, okay?" Gareth adds. "But I do have a couple of questions."

Eddie can't help but smile at his friends, even though his stomach still hurts thinking about the look on Steve’s face from a few minutes prior. But he indulges Gareth. "Ask away, I guess I owe you guys."

"Does he treat you alright?" Gareth asks simply.

Eddie nods softly. "He treats me better than anyone I've ever been with. He's always so soft and gentle with me. I swear, he looks at me like I'm something special, and I don't know why. Sometimes I don't think I deserve it."

"Do you love him?" Gareth follows up.

"God, more than anything." Eddie says with out hesitatation.

"And do you think he loves you?" He asks simply.

"I know he loves me. He tells me ever day." And not just with his words, but with his actions too. Steve shows Eddie he loves him every day with all the little things does for him.

"Then why are you still sitting down here, dude?" Gareth asks. "You better go and fix this before you lose him." He says it likes its the most obvious thing in the world.

Eddie hurriedly nods. Gareth is right. He has to talk to Steve, like now. He practically jumps up from the table, nearly tripping as does.

As he runs past his friends and up the steps, he looks at the cupcakes Steve had sat down on the small table by the steps. They looked homemade, a little messy but perfect. Steve had piped little silly hearts on them all, and in the center were little frosting dice. He can't help the way it makes his heart skip a beat. Steve was ridiculously romantic, and Eddie loves that.

He continues up the steps, two at a time, hoping Steve and the kids are up there, but they aren't. He frantically makes his way to door, only to see them sitting in Steve’s car through the window, still in the driveway. He's relieved.

As soon as he opens the door, all their eyes shoot up. He can see the look on Steve’s face, obviously trying to hold back tears. Even now, Steve is trying to be strong with the kids. Their eyes though looked like they could kill Eddie, even Dustin. He fucked up badly.

He nervously makes his way over to Steve's open window. When he gets there, Steve doesn't say a word, doesn't even look at him, just stares forward. Eddie tries anyway. "Stevie, can we talk...please? Alone?" He looks at the other 4 in the car.

Steve squeezes the wheel harder. He knows if he talks, he will start crying. And he doesn't want to do that in front of Eddie. Fuck, this hurts so bad. It felt like when Nancy called him and his love bullshit all over again. He is bullshit...he is nothing. Just a washed up ex jock, who is just there when people need him. He doesn't get the happy ending, the true love.

Dustin speaks up "You're an asshole, man. Go away." Not even Mike speaks up to defend him. Who does though, surprises him.

"He's not...." Steve whispers, unable to speak any louder. Steve can't see it, but Eddie sees all the looks of pitty shot at him. Eddie knows Steve shouldn't be defending him, but he is.

"No, Stevie. I am. I am an asshole. And I'm so sorry. Please can we talk?" Eddie begs.

Steve lets out a sigh before turning to the "kids." "Go on. It's fine. Go and clean up your shit so Mrs. Wheeler isn't mad." He tries to say in a straight voice.

They reluctantly get out but still shoot Eddie dirty glances as they head in. Eddie nervously walks to the passenger side and gets in.

"What do you want to talk about?" Steve chokes out, still not looking at him.

"What I said in there wasn't the truth. Steve, baby...I am so sorry. I did not mean it..." He tries pathetically.

Steve's hands are shaking as they stay rested on the steering wheel. He finally turns his head to look at Eddie. "Then why did you say it, Eddie? If you didn't mean it, why did you say it?!" His voices cracks, as a little tear escapes, running down his cheek.

All Eddie wants to do is reach over and wipe it away, but he thinks better of it. "Because I'm an idiot, sweetheart." He replies softly. "I shouldn't have hidden us, but today everyone was ganging up on me, and I got overwhelmed...and it just came out. You are not nothing, baby."

"Come on, Eddie! There had to be some truth to it, or it wouldn't have come out. I am not an idiot." Steve says in his bitchiest voice, his wall going up, trying to protect himself from more hurt.

It feels like a punch to his gut. Eddie really made Steve believe their could be some truth in his words. "Steve....I promise you, I was just being some vain asshole, too worried about my reputation as a cool metalhead." He says, knowing how lame it sounds to say out loud. "How could I, Eddie "the freak" Munson, possibly have ended up with the prettiest boy in school."

"What you said was fucked up, you know..." another tear escaping, but the punch is gone from his words.

"I know...I know. I am so sorry, princess. I'll do anything to make it up to you." Eddie pleads softly.

Steve gives him a sad smile, anger melting away leaving only hurt. "I'm just having a hard time believing that I'm not nothing...I mean, you didn't want to tell your friends. And like, I know I can be a little much sometimes, and overbearing. And I'm sorry if I embarrassed you...."He whispers. He feels like nothing, like bullshit, like trash. He isn't endgame, he's never anyone's endgame.

Hearing Steve Harrington apologize for being embarrassing makes Eddie feel like he is in some alternate dimension, maybe he never left the upside down. But more concerningly, to hear Steve sound so small, broke him. Steve was the bravest, sweetest, bitchiest, protective, hottest person he knew but right now, Steve felt small. And it destroyed him to know he caused this. He caused Steve to feel unimportant...unloved. and he had promised himself that he would never do that to him.

He reaches over and grabs Steve's hand, squeezing softly. "God, baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who was so self centered, that I did the worst thing I have ever done. I hurt you." He moves his other hand to Steve's cheek, and to his relief, Steve leans into, doesn't pull away. "I somehow made the person who is everything to me, feel like nothing. And that just won't do."

"Eds..." Steve whispers.

"Stevie, I promise you, I will spend everyday trying to make it up to you."

"You...you don't have to...." Steve says softly, sadly.

"Yea, I do. Because Steve, you are everything. You are it for me, sweetheart. There is not a single day I will let go by without you knowing that. I will never let anyone, including myself, make you feel like you are nothing." Eddie leans closer, resting his forehead against Steve's.

By this point, tears were freely falling down Steve’s face. But now he's smiling, even laughing a little. "You are such a sap, Eddie." He jokes before leaning in and placing a tiny kiss against Eddie's lips. "And I love you so much."

Eddie feels a million times lighter as he keeps holding Steve. "I love you too, baby. And you are everything...you are everything....you are everything. " He repeats as I to make sure Steve understands how true it is, not leaving any room for doubt in Steve’s head.

Thank you for reading again! Also side note, did not want to drag this out but definitely see the others eating all the cupcakes downstairs, leaving only one and Steve and Eddie share it.

Tag list (you all are so sweat) There are more but the max mentions was 50. I will reboot and add more

@notsopretty-notsopink @pukner @justforthedead89 @lololol-1234 @little-crickett @thing-a-ling @swimmingbirdrunningrock @oldwitcheshat @my-baek-hurts @thequeenrainacorn @derangedhermit @plantzzsandpencilzzs @littlewildflowerkitten @ronance-is-my-wife @xjessicafaithx @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @sofadofax @just-a-tiny-void @whalesharksart @death-thee-nervousqueer @estrellami-1 @starman-jpg @oblivion-void @thequeenauden @thealwithnoname @sapphirecobalt-1 @thelady-mary @silentlycorrectingyourgrammar85 @theluckyalien @cheeseyberg @breealtair @messrs-weasley @heartthingsstuff @paintsplatteredandimperfect @tillystealeaves @pearynice @bela-valdis @beckkthewreck @breadboi66 @th30ra3k3n @0o-queendean-o0 @spideysteveloml @lauras2912 @seths-rogens @lovely-little-lass @envyadams-vs-me @meccaminayah @heartstarstar-blog @weirdandabsurd42 @virginlemontea @stevesbipanic @yulecogs

@sereinpetrichor @kittycat1810

[ever-eilish]

Hi could you do a Billie x reader where they’ve been arguing for a while now and y/n went to Billie’s studio and she seen Billie with some other girls at the studio

Spare keys

billie eilish x reader

fights between couples are normal, and when you decide to make up with Billie, your girlfriend, you discover something that would haunt you forever.

author's notes: hii!! sorry for disappearing!! I'm happy to say I'm back now ;) thank you so much for your request, I hope this was what you were expecting, I decided to make it a bit more angsty, so let me know what you think! once again, english is not my fist language so sorry for any mistakes, enjoy💕

warnings: cheating, some cursing and angst with no happy ending

You always knew that fights between couples were normal, that even when you love someone more than yourself, there will always be something that bothers you about the other person. And that's the difference between a good couple and a toxic couple: good couples can deal with their differences and go through it together; toxic couples hold on to these differences and make a big deal out of it.

At this point you don't know what kind of couple you and Billie were.

You loved her, obviously. Her smile enchanted you, her stupid jokes made you laugh and her blue eyes would make you decide that blue was your favorite color.

The only problem was that you didn't know if she loved you.

At first, it was all very subtle. First it was one of her bouts of jealousy that would be resolved in some kisses and making out on the sofa in her mansion. Then, an idiotic fight about who should wash the dishes, which was once again resolved with a few more kisses, hugs and promises of eternal love.

However, over the past few months, the fights were no longer so simple to resolve.

"Holy shit, Billie! I asked you not to go out with her, since she's clearly flirting with you all the time." You scream with your hands on your head "and what did you do? You went out with her, and on top of that you hugged her all day"

"Stop being dramatic!" Billie says. "She's just a friend"

"Marlena is a bitch! That's what she is" you say, grimacing as you mention the name of the slut who's been keeping you up at night.

"Don't talk about her like that!"

You freeze. Was Billie really defending the bitch who tried to kiss her a few days ago and then just said she was joking?

You shake your head at the bitter memory of your last - and perhaps worst - fight with Billie.

You and your girlfriend hadn't spoken since the day of the fight about Marlena, and you were feeling bad, really bad.

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and maybe you just exaggerated, right? Right.

Billie is your light, and you can't lose her to a stupid fight. You have been through so much; this is just a troubled phase.

With this thought in mind, you get up from the bed - in which you had been lying since you stopped talking to your girlfriend - and get ready, deciding that you will surprise her. Putting on some worn jeans and a random shirt from your favorite rock band, you walk out the door of your apartment in downtown Los Angeles, and head towards Billie's studio.

You knew that your girlfriend would be recording today, since Finneas - her brother - had told you that they were both there, knowing how much you cared about his sister.

After passing a few meters, and laughing at some kind of bizarre Spider-Man that hung from the ceiling of the first subway station you took, you finally see the studio doors.

Out of breath, you just say your name to the angry-faced security guard, hand over your ID and he lets you in.

You run to the place where you knew Billie was and finally see the dark blue door, which had a transparent circle in the center that allowed you to look inside the cabin. With a sigh of relief for finally having found the correct location, you extend your right hand to open the door and enter the place, however, before you even enter, you decide to take a peek at the transparent circle, and that's when your world stops.

Wearing a pink mini skirt and a transparent black blouse, Marlena is sat on Billie's lap, apparently watching her do something on the computer.

Everything you ever believed in was shattered in a matter of moments. How could Billie have done this to you? While you were crying and brooding, was she with Marlena?

Tears well up in your eyes and you just can't move.

Suddenly, everything made sense. All the times she stood up for Marlena, all the times she canceled your date night to go out with Marlena, all the times she wouldn't let you take her cell phone. Everything makes sense now.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to go into the studio and break all the equipment. Pull Marlena by the hair and make her regret messing with your girl.

And Billie? You wanted to kill her. You wanted to kill her for deceiving you, you wanted to kill her for making you believe that you were the love of her life, you wanted to kill her for making you fall in love with her.

However, that's not what you do.

With a defeated sigh and stubborn tears that insist on falling from your eyes, you turn around and head towards your home.

On the way, you don't laugh at the bizarre Spider-Man on the subway, you just head towards your house.

When you arrive at your apartment, you realize that every corner of this place is haunted with pieces of Billie, and you decide that maybe it's time to move out.

Laying down on your bed, you snuggle into the comforters and cry for what seems like an eternity, until you hear a very familiar voice call you from the room.

"Hi, love, I'm sorry for everything, can we talk?"

Damn time you gave her the spare keys.

[su8ki]

LETTING GO

toxic! jaehyun x reader. angst. no comfort. synopsis - being put into the same cycle with jaehyun, you had finally given up, no longer wanting to hold onto the thin string of hope that you had built on your own. wc. 933

a/n - i felt the need to write an angsty imagine so i ended up with this. i might make a pt. 2 to this but then again im not too sure on that idea yet

++ read under the cut

jaehyun was an enigma. it was hard to fully understand him and the intentions that he held. one moment he would act like you never existed and the next he was begging for your attention, treating you as if you were his, and whispering sweet words to keep you grounded.

it was a complicated relationship is what you told yourself. but in reality, you were nothing more than a mere call for jaehyun when he needed, you were there for his convenience and no matter how many times you were hurt, you constantly found yourself back into his arms, repeating the same cycle.

"you can't keep letting him do this to you y/n."

sungho followed your gaze, landing on jaehyun’s figure who had his arms around another girl. it was nothing new to him, constantly finding you in the same position over and over again. no matter how hard he tried to get you to understand that jaehyun was bad for you, it never got through to you. it was tiring, frustrating even.

seeing as you refused to take your eyes off of jaehyun, sungho scoffs. "look if you want to keep going back to him despite knowing how he treats you, then so be it." you knew he was fed up with the way you've been acting. you couldn't blame him, not when he tried his best to be there for you every time. hell, if you were in his position you would feel the same way.

"i'm sorry." was the only thing you could say to him as he got ready to leave. sungho knew you were in a vulnerable state but he was tired of the constant back and forth, always finding himself in the middle of it.

"you don't have to say sorry to me, i just want you to do better and finally put yourself first. and hopefully you can do that on your own now." he sighs, walking away in hopes that his words reach you this time.

as you watch the back of sungho’s figure whisk away, your eyes find themselves back on jaehyun. you felt guilty. your relationship was affecting not only you but the relationships around you and you only had yourself to blame. with your life centered around jaehyun, it placed you in a box.

as numerous thoughts ran around in your head, your eyes finally met his, a smirk playing on his lips as he takes in your devastation. without a second glance, he turned his attention back to the girl beside him, ignoring your presence.

what did you expect?

turning on your feet, you were ready to leave. it was clear what his intentions were for the night, inviting you and then deliberately ignoring you to play with your emotions. you couldn't help but to feel stupid for thinking that something would be different tonight. as you make your way past the bodies, hoping to escape the suffocating room, your eyes linger over jaehyun’s figure one last time before you make your way out the door, knowing you'd break even further if you continued to stand there any longer.

being met with the crisp night air you took a deep breath in. wanting to be anywhere that was void of jaehyun, your legs quickly find themselves taking you to the nearest park, occupying an empty bench.

the tranquility of the night leads you to recount memories of your relationship with jaehyun. it was bitter yet somehow the sweet memories have never failed to cloud your vision. you wanted to hold on to the hope you built with the good memories you had of your relationship, believing that despite all the horrible things jaehyun had done to you, he still cared.

your train of thought was broken by the sound of a ding. pulling your phone out of your pocket, you unlock it only to be met with a message.

jaehyun: where did you go? you aren't mad again right? you know you’re overthinking it.

the text makes you scoff, anger rising at how indifferent his response was. sungho’s words begin to weigh heavily on your mind and for a moment, you began to think. is this what you really wanted? with jaehyun, you only seemed to lose something each time you decided to go back— friends and even yourself. it wasn’t healthy anymore and as you came to the realization, the string of hope you worked so hard to hold onto had finally snapped.

you had to let go.

despite the twinge in your chest at the thought of separating from jaehyun, you knew it was for the better-- for yourself and your peace. so with that, you finally found the courage to end it.

you: i'm done jae. im tired of constantly being made to feel as if i'm special only for you to treat me like im some sort of game for your entertainment.

jaehyun: you know that's not true. i care about you, y/n.

the words alone almost made you give in. pathetic. you thought to yourself knowing jaehyun didn't mean it, only saying it to keep you under his grasp. with a heavy heart, you send one last message.

you: please dont contact me again.

your finger hovered over the block button, hesitating for a moment before finally deciding to commit. it was done. shutting your phone off, you sighed, leaning your head back onto the bench to look at the night sky.

"you'll be okay, y/n." you knew the journey that came after jaehyun would be difficult but this was a start.

end.

[moonrisecoeur]

apathy — leon kennedy

author’s note: this is so horribly self-indulgent self-centered self-serving, it might as well not even be x reader and literally just leon x moon i’m so sorry. this is angsty smutty nonsense for anyone who wanted more feelings and less horniness out of gratitude. i do not apologize for any comparisons of the reader being like the moon.

wc: 3.3k

content: switchy/sub!leon x switchy/dom!reader, fem!reader, she/her pronouns, afab reader, re4r leon, scratching and bruising, hickeys, masochist!leon agenda, reader’s got a lot of feelings, mention of edging and denial, mentions of food

warning: this is not dark content, but reader is lowkey toxic. please be aware that i don’t endorse treating your partner like this. mention of using a knife on him once.

notes:

“i will begin to despise you if i let you in.”

“and i will adore every moment of your resentment.”

“i won’t get better. i won’t change for you. this is what you’re stuck with.”

“it’s okay, i like you as you are.”

—

“i promise that you don’t want me,” you had said once. leon didn’t really know what to do with that statement. it was a promise, but you would have already broken it a million times over; that is how badly he wants you.

he knows what you really meant. it wasn’t some promise you had no way of keeping. it was a warning, a cautionary tale. wanting you would not be good for him, plain and simple. though, sometimes, plain and simple isn’t always as such. sometimes it’s much, much more complex than meets the eye.

he recalls the moment in his apartment as clear as day. you had said, “look. i want you. i very clearly do, this is not… me denying that fact. what i am trying to say is that you do not want me. i don’t care what you think you know. what you think you want. you don’t want to have me.”

he took a while to think about what you had said. it wasn’t a choice he had, to pick you or to pick freedom. it wasn’t one or the other. you didn’t let him pick you, because he would have, you knew it, he knew it. he would give you anything.

his biggest problem is he never knew why. you made yourself very clear, you wanted him, and this, you had him, but you refused to let him have you.

“you don’t want me,” you said, but he does.

you try to block him out, to avoid him, even as he tries and pushes you for answers, to know why, why you don’t let him have you, why you insist he can’t want you.

he keeps pushing, keeps chasing you. in a way, it’s nice. you like being chased, being wanted, desired. the only problem is that it’s leon. if it was anyone else, anyone less moral and perfect and everything the world needs desperately and does not deserve, then maybe you would be more okay with letting this all happen.

but leon doesn’t deserve how you’ll inevitably treat him, using your power over him to do whatever you please, using him for every last drop of pleasure he has to offer you, and then leaving him when you’re done. he would be the most delightful treat, but you abstain simply out of guilt from how perfect the man is.

you don’t know if you could ever forgive yourself for ruining leon, making him recover from the misery that would be your love.

—

“you know i’m not good for you,” you whisper to him, “i love you and love you and love you until you can’t breathe with how filled to the brim you are with my affection and adoration and then i leave you alone to… do whatever it is you do while i want to be alone,” you tell him, more like lecture him, as he stands there. he’s trying to get closer you and you won’t let him, both figuratively and literally. he tries to reach out for your hand but you pull back.

“i’ll leave you alone. you hate people who do that,” you murmur that last part, and leon notes to himself that someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t remember his propensity to dislike the people who have left him alone before.

“that’s… fine. i know you’re introverted and… you need alone time, i get it,” he tries to reason, even with his own insecurities, “i’ll be okay.”

“no, you don’t understand, i am terrible. i will crave you and ache for you and need you and still know i am not a torture that you deserve,” you’re glaring at him with an anger that isn’t real, it is more out of desperation, “if i can know i am awful, why can’t you?”

“call me ignorant if you want, i don’t care. i want the worst of you,” he says, reaching out again. you take a step back, but he takes two forward, and his presence is never one you’ve been known to resist, “let me have y—”

“i will hurt you!” you tell him, but you give in just slightly. you bring your hands to his waist, too gentle for your previous statement to make sense. he thinks you’re lying, anything to push him away. you’re too soft on him to be so cruel.

“you know i’m a masochist,” he still laughs. he holds you back as you reach out for him, your soft, teary eyes vaguely make out a smile from his pretty lips. what a terrible time to be joking, leon.

“that’s not funny, leon,” you whisper.

“never said it was,” he feels tears prickling at his eyes too. he wonders how you could be so cold and uncaring if you’re crying for him right now. he wonders if maybe, just maybe, you’re not selfish like you say you are. you’re just a girl who has only ever had to look out for herself.

“i will hate you,” you bite your lip, nervous. he’s winning, “i will do terrible things to you.”

“i will love you just as much to balance that out. and there is no crime you could commit against me that i would not forgive you for. not that you… would need or want my forgiveness.”

moments pass where your hands are digging in trenches into his skin, knowing you’ll never be able to let him go if this goes on any longer. he holds onto your hips, afraid you’ll leave if he lets go.

he aches to break the silence, but you won’t believe anything he says anyway. he’d tell you he saw the good in you, the girl who was nice and cared about others, and you would have the displeasure of telling him it’s all a facade.

“i will begin to despise you if i let you in, you realize that, right?”

“and i will adore every moment of your resentment,” he smiles softly, sadly, like it's all he wants. like he’d take the sweet fragments of you over any other full person. of course he would. they wouldn’t be you.

you dig your fingers into his skin, rough but not painful, aching to take him but still nervous that he doesn’t really know what he’s signing up for, “i won’t get better. i won’t change for you. this is what you’re stuck with.”

“it’s okay, i like you as you are,” he says, his voice as gentle as ever. leon has always been gentle, kind, soft. god you just want all of him to yourself. you are everything he is not, possessive and selfish and cruel, but he loves it. he wants the worst of you.

give me the devil as my lover and i’ll serve her forever, his heart calls.

you can’t help the urge to give in, to let him win, let yourself take what you want by letting him win. you can’t help tightening your grip on his waist, pulling him in for a full hug that he reciprocates, big arms wrapping around your shoulders like he could shield you from the world. even if you were the monster you say you are.

words fail him, but he’d give you anything. he’d let you do anything, take his breath, his soul, his sanity, his life.

you say you’re a monster? prove it.

—

you do just that.

he’s not saying you’re dramatic… but you’re not the evil monster you’re painting yourself out to be. you’re a little apathetic sometimes, but aren’t we all?

he gets why you think you’re some monster. you can be selfish. you’re a loner at heart, and that just doesn’t work out well with the whole ‘relationship’ thing. you’re possessive despite not giving him attention, no one else can either. you want him all to yourself even when you don’t want him at all. sometimes he wonders why, but he doesn’t question you. you’re not even possessive most of the time, if anything, you just want his attention.

you said you’re mean and cruel and you warned him that you wouldn’t change, but he just doesn’t believe it. you’re the ‘stop to help old ladies cross the street’ type of caring. you’re the ‘hand on his shoulder to get him out of someone else’s way’ type of caring. you’re the person who stays behind as everyone else walks ahead when someone’s tying their shoe. you care. you’re kind. you don’t see it.

you, and everyone else in this world, mistakes apathy for cruelty. it’s like, you don’t care about what people have to say? you must be the devil incarnate.

1. wrong. you not being interested in people around you isn’t something you can control. sometimes people are just boring.

2. he thinks the devil (you!) is hot.

and you feel too deeply, too ashamed about everything to be as apathetic towards the world as you think you are. leon looks at you and sees how you care. it’s different, but it’s not wrong. he knows you don’t care about the stories people tell you, you don’t remember pieces of their lives or their birthdays. you don’t care when they share those fragments of themselves, vulnerable and desperate for reassurance you’re not going to give them.

you don’t care. and you hate that you don’t care, but hating your apathy doesn’t make it go away. it doesn’t cancel out the cruelty you think you are. and that is the epitome of it all. you care so badly about how much you don’t really.

leon holds you close as you cling to him, arms wrapped around his torso as you curl your head into his chest as you lay on the bed, cold feet hanging off the edge of the mattress like the evil monster underneath would come to take you away. maybe it should, you muse. maybe then i could forgive myself for being so wrong.

and for stealing leon away from the world. someone so perfect. not actually perfection, because things are less likable when there’s nothing to critique about them. it is only when something is flawed in many ways that loving it so deeply is possible. it is easy to love something perfect. it is rewarding to love something imperfect and raw and human and real.

but in an ironic way, it is easy to love leon. he’s so loving and kind, you wonder why he’d ever want you because you’re very much not easy to love, but to leon? maybe you are.

so when his hands cradle your head against his chest, his body enveloping yours like a thick fog settling over you, you let him. and you wonder why he could love someone so wrong. to him, your flaws are a million times more prominent. and that means he could only love you deeper.

—

if you’re a bad friend, then you’re a worse lover. your body aches for his just like him for yours and you give him nothing and take everything. you take and take and take until he’s exhausted, but the worst (best?) part is leon only wants to give and give until you push his head away from you, until you force him to stop.

your body takes him like he’s the only drug you’ve ever craved, carving sweet nothings into his wrist and thighs and shoulders with your fingertip, though he’s sure you imagine doing so with a blade encompassing your hand. he shivers at the thought. maybe he wants it too.

you shatter him to pieces with every touch, picking up the broken pieces of the mess you’ve made of him. you keep them close, treasuring every kiss you place on his neck, every touch on his waist, the way his cock fills you up so perfectly.

he loves that you just take whatever you want from him. no warning, no concern for him. you know he wants to be used for your every desire, every need. he’s yours to drain of life like a vampire sucking the life out of its helpless victim.

you tell him what to do, order him around viciously, and he has no choice but to obey. what’s he going to do? try and tell you what to do? dominance has never been his forte, he’s too awkward, too shy. besides, if he even tried to tell you you’re a ‘good girl’ right now, you’d probably slap him.

to be fair, he’d probably like it, like the sting of your palm against his cheek, like the burning feeling afterwards, like the red mark on his face in the aftermath. he still won’t do it, for your sake. call that self-sacrifice.

you dig your nails into his skin, into his chest, his waist, his thighs, until small little crescent moons cover his entire body, leaving the mark of the moon that you were in his sky.

if he was the sun, you were the moon. he shines and shines and shines and you take his sunshine and keep it as your own. he lets you because it makes you brighter, happier, lighter, god you’ve seemed so much happier these days. ever since you gave in and let yourself be loved by him, he’s made your life nothing but brighter. doesn’t make you feel bad for your incredibly chronic case of general apathy, just makes it easier to not feel like a monster on the daily, which is appreciated. you worried so much about how cruel and selfish you would be to him and he’s been nothing but joyous since.

when you’re not pressing your nails into him, you’re gripping him so tightly that you just might bruise him. it’s alright if you do, he’s always liked it rough. his body is a clean canvas that’s yours to depict your destruction upon. by the end, he's heaving, skin red and irritated from scratching and bruised up all on his neck and thighs. your mouth is insatiable when it comes to his neck, the vampire comparison must have really been accurate.

he likes that you’re selfish, that making him orgasm was never your goal. sure, you’re not going to deny him, though maybe you would, now that he thinks about it. okay, try that again, you weren’t trying to deny him this time, but that doesn’t mean you cared if he did cum. if anything, you did it for your own selfish wants, getting to watch him fall apart so helplessly.

you took care of yourself, because that’s all you know how to do.

his heart still aches when he sees tears welling up in your pretty eyes, switching positions so he could hold you close as you ride him, his hands rubbing circles into your back, “i got you, pretty girl. just breathe.” and that’s it.

he knows if he keeps talking, you’ll get uncomfortable, and you’ll run away. like a wild animal that might get scared off at any moment, he treads cautiously and treats every moment of you in his arms with the utmost value. you come undone just a few moments after him, and you ride out your orgasm even as he bites back whimpers of pain. he’s sensitive and tense, sure, but you’re still grinding down on him, using him for every last drop of pleasure, and he’s not in any position to stop you.

you collapse onto him, as if fully giving in to that feeling that says to trust him. to hold him close. to love him endlessly for putting up with your constant bullshit.

“you’re so beautiful,” he whispers as you lay together on the bed, his fingertips brushing through your hair. he’s painfully gently, so much more so than you are with him. (you’d feel bad if he wasn’t moaning so loudly every time you hurt him.)

you hum, hand rubbing his side, up and down motions following the curve of his torso, enjoying the way he groans in discomfort, “i warned you that i was mean,” you say, enjoying the way he laughs.

he’s so bright and lively with you, and you can’t help but wonder if you’ve brought out something in him that was hidden away too. more youthful, free of the problems bestowed upon him by the events of his early 20s. he’s even more beautiful than you are to him. not that he’d ever think that’s possible.

“i know, i know…” he mumbles, his hand placed on the back of your head as he pulls you in for a soft kiss, his other hand on your cheek, thumb brushing against it almost as if to wipe away tears. luckily, you were past that. you had cried enough.

you warned him that you were mean, cruel, apathetic, distant, etc, and maybe you were. or maybe you would become those things. maybe this is the high high before the low low you had talked about once. the moments where you’re perfect and loving and amazing right before your descent into resentment and cruelty.

but for now? all leon knows is you’re a helluva lover and he can't imagine a better way to sleep than in a lover’s arms. he falls asleep before you do, sleeping like a baby before you doze off.

you stay awake a little bit longer, still plagued with the thoughts of what the hell you did to deserve this man. you come to the conclusion that sometimes bad things happen to good people.

and sometimes? good things happen to bad people. leon’s love was the best thing you could ever obtain, and you refuse to let it go.

—

the next morning, he kisses your cheek as he serves you breakfast, and talks about something you don’t care about. he’s sure you’re not listening, but he doesn’t mind. he’s more just thinking out loud to himself.

you stare at the plate as you eat, off in your own world. he just waits until he can be a part of your world again, watching you intently. he likes looking at you, even like this. you’re far too beautiful for his soul to handle.

you look over at him as you notice him staring, “hm?” you groan, making a small sound to acknowledge and question his gaze.

he just shakes his head, “just like looking at you, pretty,” he smiles, and you roll your eyes. you can’t help the adoration that fills your bones at the sight of him. he’s perfect. everything to you. even if you can’t always show it, or even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

you told him you wouldn’t change for him. and he never wanted you to. there was nothing to change, you were already perfect to him. he can’t help but keep his eyes on you the whole morning before he has to leave for work.

as he does, even though it’s with a heavy heart because you look so sad that he has to go and he never wants to make you sad, he gives you his goodbye kiss. your hand finds the back of his neck and your thumb pressed on a newly tender bruise on the side of it. he winces at the touch, and you smirk. he’ll never forget how fatal you are, even in your… softer moments.

[gyusrose]

➵ let the light in -> c.b

⚠︎ angsty, small smut (mdni)

✎ break-up, toxic relationship

summary : as much as the two of you fight and argue all the time, you can’t leave each other and keep trying…over and over again. until you realize maybe you weren’t meant to be?

(+ all too well reference )

(beomgyu x fem.reader)

wc: 2.2k

“beomgyu can we please not do this right now?” you asked your boyfriend who just finished yelling at you over some stupidity.

“he was clearly flirting with you, open your damn eyes! he had his whole hands over you!” you rolled your eyes at his assumption.

this is how every night out ended up. either one of you would find something to start a fight about and ruin the whole night.

“he’s just my coworker, i’ve known him for a long time too, please let’s just go back to the table and forget about it.” you plead him as the two of you were in a bathroom locked up arguing.

“so you’re just going to ignore what i just said? i see how it is, go back to him, you surely want him don’t you?” you stated in disbelief.

“beomgyu! i’ve been with you three damn years, isn’t clear i want you and only you?”

“doesn’t seem like it..”

you shook your head before leaving the room and headed back to the table.

“______! we’re have you been?” your coworker exclaimed, he noticed your angry look.

“it’s nothing heesung, i’ll be heading right now, something came up, goodbye.” you bid to him and to everyone else at the table.

obviously you came with beomgyu, but no way in hell are you going home with him right now. you rapidly called an uber.

“_______ babe..i’m sorry okay?” there he is.

you ignored him pretending to not have heard him.

beomgyu engulfed you into a back hug. you don’t give in so easily though, and he knew that.

he kissed your cheeks repeatedly until there was no way you could keep it up.

“beomgyu, just trust me, i love you, i hate fighting with you over and over again about the smallest little things.”

“i know, i know, i’m sorry. i just can’t bare losing you, i need you.”

>>

(the next day)

you smiled facing beomgyu after he made one of his “amazing” jokes that have somehow made you chuckle from time to time.

how you love this man.

“so should we go catch a drink? your day off.”

you nodded. he turned the steering wheel in one hand and grabbed yours in the other.

even when the two of you had fought the day before, y’all act as if it never happened.

the two of you sipped on drinks in the fancy bar he had brought you to.

by the hour, you two got a little tipsy and decided to get going as it was getting dark.

on the ride back, his hand rested on your thigh, by each traffic light, getting closer and closer to your center. you bit your lip and glanced at him, noticing the smirk on his face.

“park the car.” he didn’t need to be told twice and stopped at the nearest parking lot.

you straddled his lap as he lowered his seat in order to have more space.

you kissed him roughly while caressing his jawline, his hands went to you ass, bunching up your skirt.

your hands wandered down to his belt, undoing his pants.

“fuck you’re so hot.” he whispered in your ear as you lowered your shirt, revealing your tits.

you didn’t bother taking your thong off and just pushed it the side while he aligned himself to your entrance.

you both gasped as he slipped in, grabbing his shoulders for support.

this was the best way to make up after a fight.

soon both of you were a moaning mess, the car windows filled with yours and beomgyu’s hot breath.

“shit i’m gonna cum..” you said under your breath, but beomgyu heard and took it upon himself as he saw you were getting tired.

he engulfed your hips as he pounded into you making your eyes roll back at the sense of it.

not long after you’re breathing heavily as his warmth shot up inside of you.

>>

(one week later)

“is he coming now?” your friend asked you.

it was your birthday today, and beomgyu, as your boyfriend, should already be at your house already.

your friend told him about the party a week prior to it, so he knew about it.

when you got home you got surprised to see literally everyone you know and love here, except him.

the only thing you’ve heard from him was a good-morning text, that’s it. at first you wanted to believe he was just pretending to not remember and he’ll surprise you after. but now it’s nearing the end of the day, and you’ve gotten nothing.

you called him once. that’s all, you weren’t going to be desperately ask for him to be here.

that was as until you heard the door open over the loud music. there he was.

he was frantically looking for you. he had completely forgotten what today was until his mom asked him to wish you a happy birthday on her part.

even his mother remembered.

he spotted you talking with some people, he quickly made his way over to you.

you noticed him the moment he entered, but obviously you can’t just got up to him kiss him and hug him like nothing happened.

“babe i’m so so sorry, i was so caught up with work tha-“ he didn’t even get to finish as you walked away from him, like he wasn’t there.

beomgyu though, caught up to you grabbing your shoulders so you were forced to look at him.

“please let’s talk.”

“talk? about what? what’s done is done beomgyu. i don’t want to fight with you right now.”

“yes let’s talk, because i didn’t forget on purpose, i’ve been very busy and my brain was just focused on that. i’m sorry for forgetting, baby please”

“i seriously can’t believe you forgot. it would’ve been fine if we just started dating but we’ve already been together for years beomgyu, and even before that. you were the one person i wanted to be with today.”

“you can’t blame me though, it’s not my fault i’ve been stressed and work has been piling up lately, you gotta understand the world doesn’t revolve around you _______” beomgyu knew he shouldn’t have said that.

“you’re such a fucking asshole beomgyu. it’s the one day of the year about me. is it too much to ask for you to be here? at least for an hour or two that would’ve been enough!”

the two of you were back at it again, at this point not even caring that people were watching.

your friend looked at the two of you from the distance, rolling her eyes at y’all’s behavior, disappointed but not surprised.

“so what am i supposed to do? resign and dedicate all my life to you?”

rage was all you felt. you weren’t even sad anymore. you hated him right now.

“just leave beomgyu, leave and give me some space.”

“i was going to anyways!” he said without turning back.

you sighed. you couldn’t even escape the troubles on your birthday.

>>

you swore you would keep your guard up and ignore beomgyu for at least a week.

but here you were. entangled in his bedsheets.

both of you couldn’t stand being mad at each other for long. it’s like your body just automatically leads you to his house or him to yours.

it was almost inevitable.

“i love you so fucking much _______.”

“me too beomgyu, me too.”

>>

(one month later)

“do i look fine?” you asked beomgyu as you twirled giving him a 360 of your outfit.

“you look beautiful baby.” he said grabbing your waist, pecking your lips.

“let’s get going, they’re probably waiting on us.”

today you were going to meet beomgyu’s childhood friends. he hasn’t introduced them to you after years of dating since they all live in different places, but he somehow managed to meet them all up here.

you were very excited, you don’t know why but something about meeting people that build beomgyu into who he is made you happy.

you were also trying to make a good impression and that got you nervous, more nervous than when you had to meet his parents.

“this is _______” beomgyu introduced you to the four guys.

they all stood up and greeted you while they introduced themselves as well.

as y’all sat down, it wasn’t as nerve-wrecking as you thought it was going to be. they were so good at starting a conversation and not making it awkward.

although most of the conversations were with beomgyu.

you got a little here and there but obviously they wanted to talk with beomgyu and not you.

you understood that though. they haven’t seen each other in years.

as time went by it didn’t get any better.

you understood his friends not talking much to you, but not even beomgyu was making small talk or just a little check in.

his back was completely faced towards you.

you tried to talk to him. you tapped his shoulder in which he turned around but waved you off, then faced back were he was.

you tried again later, trying to hold his hand while he was laughing. that was worse.

he sneakily took it off his, tapping yours.

you tried to not let it get to you. he’s probably just excited to see his friends. right?

but god you were such an over thinker. was he embarrassed of you or something?

you weren’t going to cause a scene just like he does. instead you’re going to keep up with it until y’all leave.

>>

“what are you mad at me now for?” he asked you as you looked out of window of the car. not facing him.

“i’m not” you sternly said.

“you obviously are, i know you.”

“what are you talking about? i’m just fine.”

“is it something that happened with the guys? they were nice to you.”

“no, i liked your friends.”

“it seems like you don’t.”

you didn’t want to start arguing with him now since he’s behind the wheel and it would be dangerous but the emotions got the best of you.

“i said i liked your friends, i never said i didn’t, i didn’t like the way that you acted around them.”

“you were being all quiet the whole time-“

“because you wouldn’t look at me! you didn’t ask me one thing the entire night!” you yelled.

“that’s bullshit, that’s fucking bullshit.”

“you dropped my fucking hand! what was that for?” at this point you were in the verge of tears.

“the fuck are you talking about? i don’t even remember doing that? you’re like penalizing me over something i don’t even fucking know about!”

you sigh. this relationship never seems to have happy moments to last. it wasn’t even the events of today that made you think that, it was the constant breakup - makeup that y’all had. you guys can never enjoy the good moments because it’ll always end up like this.

“beomgyu i don’t think i can do this anymore.”

beomgyu glanced at you.

“what do you mean?”

“i mean i can’t do this with you anymore.” you said referencing the yelling.

thankfully beomgyu reached your house. now having his full attention.

“we should..break..up” you said quietly, holding your tears as much as you can.

“you don’t mean that.” he said, hoping that you were just joking and didn’t actually mean those words.

you guys have gone through it every time, y’all can this time right? beomgyu never thought that it would come to this at some point.

“i do mean it beomgyu, i love you. so much, but maybe we….aren’t meant to be.”

“no no no, we love each other that’s all we need to keep going, you can’t just say that. we are meant to be.” his voice was quivering. he was scared. scared to lose you.

“i hate to hate you all the times we fight. yes couples fight but not this extent and i-“

“babe please don’t do this. i promise i’ll never fight with you again. i’ll be good. we’ll be okay.” beomgyu was crying.

your heart shattered. you wanted to. but that’s what he says all the times. and you give in.

not his time.

you turned to the car door, opening it.

you faced him one more time before getting out.

“i’m sorry beomgyu. i can’t keep going.”

[vhaos-chaotic-writing]

Another Vocaloid song that I am relating to Transformers - this time, for the Tranformers Earthspark series. Not gonna lie, I haven't 100% watched the show, but of course, my obsession for Starscream had me watching the youtube compilation videos or tiktoks about all the scenes he was on. And this time, centering on the MegaStar side...

( ‵▽′)ψ ~

HURTING FOR A VERY HURTFUL PAIN (EZFG ft. VY2 & VY1)

WARNING: The following post and music video may contain topics about toxic relationships, PTSD, etc.

So - yeah, the ultimate Toxic yaoi - Megatron and Starscream. I've always been so into their dynamic and how truly dysfunctional-destructive they can be to one another. But something is clear, and thanks to the Earthspark series for bringing up that topic - there has always been a power imbalance with the two of them, being Megatron the last one to truly give the final punches to the seeker and more than that; and for Starscream (both fairly and unfairly) having his trauma and situation invalidated by others.

Like, I saw a video on youtube that analized the whole episode where Starscream gets to interact (and connect) with Hashtag, and I was dead ass when the guy on the video pointed out how Starscream kept seein the Decepticon's mark on Megatron even when it was long gone and replaced by G.H.O.S.T's insigna and that it would always appear whenever Megatron was beating him in the fights.

And you can see Starscream's fear. And you can see his fear in any other variation of his - Starscream's behaviour comes from constant abuse and his taken 'hurt others if you want to survive' ideas.

(LET MY BABYGIRL GO!!) (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

And of course, not only is Starscream the one suffering. Megatron is also suffering - my man over here trying to change after realizing he has been doing things wrong, but things are so complicated and you can see he gets hurt each time he gets called traitor and such.

[ Yadda yadda, Vhaos - we understand this. Now, what about the Vocaloid song? ]

VY2 represents perfectly Megatron's point of view, while VY1 could be Starscream.

"Don't come near, don't come here. Don't let it get you so excited - don't pay it any mind. Just stop shouting your head off. Go away, go away, yes - I'll be gone into thin air soon enough, so feign normalcy, and put up with it." - Starscream's taking his leave - "Nowhere is safe if it's with you."

"Oh, it hurt, the pain's so bad. Why does it hurt so bad as this? Ah, I want to tell you how much it hurts. I want you to be the only one to know. Oh, it's awful, so very awful. Why does it feel so bad as this? I want you, it's you I want. The pain is right here in my chest..." - potential "Megatron realizing he loved Starscream but both had become toxic and he has partaken the abuser's role more than nothing."

And now take the minute 1:50 to the very end of the video - a sparkbreaking where Megatron realizes about everything, but it is overwhelming. And thinking when Starscream leaves that pain in his chest is going to leave - Starscream is free, free from the abuse he has inflicted on him for so long, therefore, he will be free to... then why does it hurt so much? Why hasn't the pain left?

After all, both have been hurting for a very hurtful pain.

Potential angsty fanfictions, yes yes. (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Leaving the video about Starscream PTSD - good soup.

(●'◡'●) Ending my rambling here because I feel I've lost my own narrative thread and I am too delulu rn - Vhaos out!

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Murder Drones! Episode 1

Hello all. Today, I embark on a new adventure! I could, technically, be continuing Miraculous Ladybug... but I decided I'd rather do something that doesn't risk me getting an aneurysm at thinking how much it's gone down hill. So, instead, I'm going to review stuff you can find for free online before moving on to other stuff.

Now, Murder Drones, at a first glance, is a fairly tongue in cheek dark parody of various horror genres, centered around the titular drones. But, many secrets lie in waiting... well, this should be fun!

Onto the review. As always, warnings for any profanity on my part.

Okay, not even two minutes in, and this is pretty interesting.

The basic concept "humans end up wiping themselves out on a planet they colonized and the robots left behind form their own civilization, but humans get mad about it so they decide to send other robots to deal with it" is solid. The opening scene is also very tongue in cheek, given that it's literally listed as a file labeled "Exposition." Near the end of the two minute mark, it transitions to a punk-looking robot with a female sounding voice giving a... less then well made presentation.

Said female robot, Uzi going by the closed captions, is complaining about how passive the Workers are being regarding their enemies. Which, given that they are reliant on three big doors, is a valid concern; no matter how durable they are, eventually the Murder Drones are gonna get past them... either by figuring out how to break them, or by breaking the areas AROUND them.

Also, I really, REALLY hope that Uzi didn't use actual blueprints in that presentation, because it's never good when stuff like that is easily accessible in such dangerous circumstances.

Apparently Uzi's answer to the eventual conflict is to make a railgun... and brought it to class. Working or not working, that's insanely dangerous... and it's hilarious how the principle is just looking on like "okay." It's hysterical to me how nonchalant he is about it. But Uzi cackling maniacally while powering up the railgun... yeah, bad sign. She's not alright in the head.

... I'm dying of laughter. The project was a word problem... about buying watermelons. Not even getting into how dumb of a project that is for homework, what's even stupider is how is it even POSSIBLE Uzi misinterpreted it THAT BADLY!? Like, this is the kind of scene that always has me hoping "I hope this sets the tone going forward." It's just hysterical.

One exploding railgun, a dented door, and now we are in the nurse's office. Why would robots even have that? Plus, more tongue in cheek jokes plastered across the wall. I gotta give props on the background details, even if they are just one-off jokes, taking the time to put them in is really cool.

Wow, some bitchy robot cheerleaders made a "joke" about how Uzi was still alive. That's totally fine and not at all disgusting. Ugh...

Really confused on why Uzi has an icepack on her face... is it to cool down her circuits or something?

Oh, new robot dude just walked in. I can't tell if his comments on some guy named Chad's "classic toxic masculinity never ending up being problematic" is just being tongue in cheek or robots being weird about making connections or something. Either way, it's funny from the perspective of making fun of old high school movies and tv show cliches.

O-kay, looks like Uzi's more unpopular than I thought... and really hammering home the "self aware up to a point" idea here, given the "angsty teen" comments. Oh, and apparently her dad's a big deal for making the doors, so Uzi's family name is... Doorman. I wish I was making that up.

Uzi asks why Thad's in the nurse's office, making a joke about testosterone... which goes over Thad's head. Kinda curious myself, since he clearly intended to go there but didn't know UZI was there. It's a bit weird that the question's unanswered.

With the reason behind Thad being at the nurse going unanswered, he questions Uzi about the railgun, and Uzi explains that she's gonna sneak out to get the last part she needs... with Thad having a very good point on why she does that, while also making a reference to how it sounds like she's dealing with some emotional repression (I feel your pain, Uzi, I feel your pain).

Like, for real, WHY would she need to go specifically to the Murder Drone's lair to get the last part she needs? Couldn't she go, I dunno, anywhere else? Like, the things are hunting Workers like her, that doesn't mean they have an abundance of parts she'd need to make her railgun. ...Please don't tell me she's secretly suicidal, please...

Ha! The alarm's built into her head.

Uzi dramatically suiting up... before acting like every stereotypical teen ever in trying to swipe her parents' keys before leaving.

Okay, there's a big vent between the doors. While the whole "crawling through vents" thing is a hollywood invention, it's a genuine security risk when your enemies have missiles, are robots, and can fly. Oh, and Uzi immediately got caught by Khan while sneaking out, I guess. That's also something.

Khan just laughs off the idea of Uzi having a boyfriend. Dick move, Khan, Dick move.

Then Uzi manages to convince him she wants to get into doors like him, and he falls for it instantly. It's totally hilarious. Also, it kinda looks like Khan DOES want to bond with Uzi... but he's got a very limited understanding of how to do so. I don't think he's all there either, given he talked to one of his doors like it's a puppy dog.

...Okay, Khan needs therapy over having had to basically mercy kill Uzi's mom. Like, immediately.

Yeesh, getting a proper look at things outside of the compound, this place looks like shit. I've got no clue if it looked nicer after the Workers took over and just went to hell after the Murder Drones attacked, but... yeah, it's bad.

Okay, so... when Uzi said she "planned to go to the Murder Drones' Lair." She didn't just mean "around the corpse spire," she meant "into" it. ...The 'secretly suicidal' idea is looking more and more likely.

Huh, she actually found stuff other then murdered Worker parts. I'm surprised.

...And one of the Murder Drones is apparently back from a hunt and enjoying a "snack." Uzi, you should probably be reconsidering your life choices right now... and it spotted her. Yup, she's dead.

She got her fighting skills from pirated anime? This is believable, as she is a robot and thus can do shit that would break a human body.

And while it might've cost her an acid-injected hand, we finally get to see the Railgun go off!! ...Fuck that is both awesome and terrifying, AND SHE MADE THIS IN A CLOSED OFF OUTPOST!? Uzi is scary, and anyone who thinks she isn't is in denial.

Hurray, she killed one of the monsters and oh fuck they can regenerate their heads!! FUCK!!!

And she slapped it with a dismembered arm.

Huh, this Nazi-dressed robot's blinking headlight looks a bit off. Also, he's a sweetheart. WHO THOUGHT MAKING THE ROBOTIC MURDER MACHINE A SWEETHEART WAS A GOOD IDEA?!? Don't these people know that giving one of the vicious killers a heart of gold is guaranteed to make them turn on you!?

Huh, I guess his regeneration busted one of his sensors. So... Uzi's safe. For now.

Okay, we learned two things; one, they are called Disassembly Drones, and two, this guy's name is Serial Designation N. He is a puppo of adorableness that I wish to protect, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't need the help in that regard.

Please, N, stop talking. You are making it hard to remember you are a brutal murderer designed to kill everyone Uzi knows!

N is surprisingly chill at having lost three hours of time. Okay, so he's not just sweet, he's stupid as well; that does reduce the odds of him attempting a heel-face turn, the dumb ones tend to take the longest to realize they are on the wrong side.

ANd it looks like the acid is neutralized by the Disassembly Drone's saliva... what weirdo thought that was a good design choice!? Also, the way Uzi goes "we are never talking about this" is such a vibe.

N decides to give the scoop on the other two members:

First is V, who is... psychotic. That's literally the only word to describe it, she just comes off as insane and sadistic for the sake of being sadistic. She also might have some memory issues if she hasn't figured out who N is by this point.

Second is J, the leader. She seems, by all accounts, to be an ultra-aggressive, fanatically loyal corporate jackboot. On the other hand, everything about her screams to me "SHIP HER WITH UZI!!" So I shall. It's toxic, but it is a good poison to endure.

Uzi describes the device in the Murder Drone's base as a spaceship, N as a one use missile (since they weren't taught how to land). They are, technically speaking, both right. Ships need fuel, so unless Uzi could scrounge up enough to transport them off the planet, AND scavenge all the components needed to repair it, it'd be better served breaking it down for parts and coming up with a new design entirely.

Also, the fact that Uzi, a violently unstable Drone with a chip on her shoulder about her people being left to slaughter, is thinking about getting off the planet... yeah, that's a warning sign about her intentions right there.

N's reasoning for continuing the slaughter, aside from the very creepy vibes that imply he and the rest are addicted to Worker Oil (VAMPIRE VIBES!!!) and the pragmatic reason that they need to do so to avoid overheating and dying... it fits him as a character, but also kind of highlights that he's not mentally suited for all this stuff, and makes me question who thought including him in this was a good idea. Although given he's lasted this long, he's definitely not harmless.

Uzi then hits the nail on the head; the Disassembly Drones have no guarantee that they won't be scrapped themselves once their mission is done... but given that J probably wouldn't care given how much of a fanatic she comes off as, and V is too insane to probably process the idea, N might be swayed... given time, at least.

Okay, Uzi apparently has enough survival instincts to run for it when she realized that the other two, non-malfunctioning Murder Drones are back. Good on her!

I'm honestly surprised that V didn't just attack Uzi the second she saw her, given her personality. Of course, said personality might be WHY she's not attacking; her mind probably doesn't think in traditional processes regarding priorities. Still, it's weird that she didn't go for the kill given how brutal she is.

Huh, the Disassembly Drones can reboot each other using slaps. That's... an interesting design choice.

And N, now able to actually remember and process the data his sensors were feeding him, instantly goes to get rid of Uzi's railgun, out of concern of what it would do to his squad. WHY IS HE SO WHOLESOME!? Then again, he's chasing Uzi back to the Doors, and Uzi has the master key and is absolutely slower then him... yeah, we're probably gonna be seeing N's dangerous side in a moment or two.

And now the Worker Defense Force are dropping death flags. I gotta say, I genuinely do like the tongue-in-cheek nature of this; like, they are being incredibly obvious they are dropping death flags, but the show is making it so clear that these folks know about tropes, even subconsciously, that it makes this morbidly funny.

Uzi tries to close the door... too late.

Yeah... N prying open those massive doors using nothing but his bare hands (clawed though they may be), is super terrifying, and I am unashamed to admit it. I would be pissing myself if I was there in person.

Yup, still N. Even when he has to remind himself he's planning to kill everyone there, he's just such a sweetheart. WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU GIVE US SUCH A SWEET HEART YOU CRUEL WORLD!?

And this... this is the slaughter I was dreading was coming. Seeing just how brutally N is killing them all, I'm severely disturbed. Like, this is horrific even WITH the Drones, if they were people, animated or not...? Yeah, this would be a gore fest.

Hey, Khan got the pack of cards! ...How long does it take to get a fresh pack of playing cards?

N continues to be a sweetheart even while planning to murder someone he had a nice time with.

...There is no way Khan is going to shoot. The dude is screaming PTSD attacks. Also, I'm surprised N is taking so long in killing Uzi, enough time to do nothing as Khan slowly backs away and closes the doors and raises the alarm. Seriously, what is it about Uzi that is holding the Murder Drones back!?

V claiming to have been trying to get past the doors for months isn't really as vast a length of time as it sounds. V doesn't seem the type to really understand the idea of trying different tactics; odds are she just kept blasting at it in the hopes she'd eventually get through.

Hey look, N is starting to show doubts about their mission! I guess seeing a PTSD-driven coward of a father abandon his daughter to die would do that. Unfortunately, he's trying that on the literal fanatic who has made it clear that even if she's willing to be civil when he does a good job, she will KILL him if he proves himself too much of a liability. We can all guess where this is going.

Honestly, given how fanatic she is for the company, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if J believes her own speech about putting N down being for his own good... and the way she describes their mission being that the Workers are corrupted, as well as how Uzi seems strangely protected from immediate murdering... maybe there's more going on with this?

But yeah, J is being a total dick to N. Bad J. Uzi will make you sleep on the couch for this!

Okay, so Uzi's alive, and is now forced to work with N in order to save her outpost. Honestly, I can get it; even if N's nice, he's been knowingly and willingly complicit in the slaughter of her people... but she's at least willing to work with him. They give me very "Dumbass Big Bro/Smartass Little Sis" vibes.

Hey, it's Thad again! Honestly curious how he's alive, since neither of the Murder Drones on the attack seem the type to let someone survive a hit from them if they aren't in a position to instantly kill them at point blank range. It's odd. Maybe Thad's weird in whatever way Uzi is, but less? Or maybe Uzi's a vector for some kind of virus...?

Wow, N is standing up to himself! THAT'S A MIRACLE!!!

Wow, Uzi making N fight his crush? That's cold. Oooh, maybe it's the battle of future lovers!? /j (Yes, I know there's no chance in hell that Uzi gets with J, but my dream lives on in my heart!!)

Really surprised J just stood there while Uzi chucked a pen at her head hard enough to rupture one of her eye things. Seriously, what is it about Uzi that makes Murder Drones be dumb!?

Huh, even in the middle of a fight, J can't help but be a Corporate shill.

N, having an emotional conflict about having to battle your crush should wait until she's NOT blasting missiles at you.

Hey, N managed to beat V via gross-out tactics! It's less disgusting then normal! Helps that he's a robot, but still, using licking as a distraction to get free to assist an ally is valid.

Okay, so in addition to being a shill, J's also the type to plan her monologue's in advance. I approve! Oh, and she got stabbed by her own nanite tail stinger thing, and in a place she can't use her saliva to neutralize... and she uses business terms in place of cursing. I knew she was a shill, but MAN is she a shill!!!

Uzi claimed she would fire if J said one more buzzword... but given the grin on her face, she was gonna do it anyway... which I think J realized. And now J is nothing but arms and her lower torso... given that the Murder Drones can regenerate, they should probably get those parts in some kind of storage/isolation/prison thing or whatever.

Now, this would be the part where the rebel outcast, having saved their people from danger, is now accepted as a hero... but instead, seeing as Uzi is rightfully pissed off at Khan for leaving her for dead, she decides to leave and banish herself. Also, I think her head might be a bit scrambled if she thought that anyone would banish her; yeah, she lead the Murder Drones to them, but she also saved all their lives and (possibly) took one of the Murder Drones down for good. That's HUGE.

And now Uzi reveals her big plan; kill all humans in revenge, laughing maniacally, while some weird symbol appears in her eye. Huh... looks like that whole "we're here because the Workers are corrupted" bit might not have been full of baloney after all! And more Murder Drones are on their way... that's not good.

I gotta say, this was awesome. Not as funny as I'd hoped, but so far, I think it's balancing the tongue in cheek referential and meta humor with the ongoing actions well enough. Looking forward to more!!

[the-fangirl-from-hell]

The Real Reason Xavier Can’t Sleep

here is part 1

pairing: Xavier Thorpe x reader, really angsty Tyler Galpin x reader if you like that

summary: in which Xavier has visions about you and can’t get you out of his head, this sparks arguments with your boyfriend.

warning: Tyler and reader are in a toxic relationship, nsfw content, swearing- lots of it, insomnia

tags: more pining, all the tags from part 1, slight smut

word count: 4.5K

au where Rowan never died and is still with the Nightshades cause the character has potential and the writers wasted it

you can asks in the notes if you wanna be tagged in part 3, it’s coming soon

Xavier could feel (Y/N)’s hands running through his hair, scratching at his scalp as a cold shiver run through his body. He could feel her hot skin pressed flush against his.

As she was lying on her back in the bed, eyes half closed and arms crossed around her chest to hide it Xavier wanted to tell her how beautiful she was. How there was no reason to be embarrassed because he loved every part of her body. How much he wanted to worship every inch of her for the rest of the night. But he stayed silent. Like something heavy in his chest was preventing him from talking.

His hands instinctively found hers, gently pinning them against the bed sheets, exposing her chest to him. He wasn’t really in control of himself, feeling almost like a remote control puppet.

Xavier held his breath as he pushed himself inside of her, whimpering at the familiar sensation of her hot walls clenching around him. Like they’re done this a thousand times.

“Tyler, take it slow for me baby,” the girl winced.

Not again.

The clock read 01:30. Xavier woke up in his room, shirtless and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“Fucking hell,” he murmured under his breath, careful not to wake up his roommate.

Between the vision he had of a mysterious creature and this weird psychic link he had with Tyler Galpin of all people, he couldn’t remember the last full night of sleep he had in the past few months.

He knew they weren’t dreams. He was sure because of that one time he was out with his friends in the town, they were mostly window shopping then suddenly he was in the Weathervane, making out with (Y/N) at the back of the shop. Shaky hands grabbing at each other’s clothes, desperately trying to peel them off, needy mouths crashing against each other. Then the girl’s mouth started going lower and lower along his jaw to his neck. She gave him a gentle bite, probing him then she sunk her teeth in that one spot that made his knees weak. He started grinding against her desperate for some form of release, mind foggy with lust. Then he was back on the street with his friends surrounding him and looking extremely worried.

Xavier has had visions like this one in the past usually at night, waking him up from his slumber. He tried to write them off as some sort of weird wet dream of this girl he had a crush on.

But this time it was different. He was awake, it was the middle of the day. And as they were walking through the center of the town, he saw the girl who has been plaguing his mind leaving the café looking disheveled and flushed. And then he saw her boyfriend lean in to give her a kiss goodbye, the hickey she just left on him still visible. Xavier ran a hand over the base of his neck where he could still feel the ghost of her teeth like it happened to him. But it was Tyler. He was Tyler for a few moments; he saw the world through his eyes.

There was no going back to sleep no matter how hard Xavier tried tossing and turning. The bed was too hard, the sheets were too scratchy, and the cover was too warm.

He sneaked outside through a window and went to the shed he’s been working on restoring. Weems said if he did a good job she’d let him use it as an art studio. Since he’s having trouble sleeping he’s been going there more and more often. He even got a small mattress in the corner, covered in a sage green sheet. He liked that color a lot.

Xavier’s biggest problem was that his connection to Tyler seemed to activate whenever he was having strong emotions like when he was having sex with his girlfriend in the middle of the night. But not only that. He also saw them going on dates and having late-night chats about their lives and dreams. Xavier hated himself but he ended up falling in love with this woman he barely knew.

Without really having a plan in mind he grabbed a clean canvas and started painting her. The curvature of her neck, the valley of her breasts, the plumpness of her lips.

“I’m just doing this to get it out of my system,” he excused himself to no one in particular.

He felt dirty drawing the naked figure of someone who never undressed in front of him, who never gave him permission to, who probably barely remembers him.

Ever since that day when she drove him back to school and he snapped at her, they haven’t spoken much. They acknowledge each other on the street when they pass by one another, they exchange polite smiles and waves from a distance, sometimes a courteous ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ followed by ‘nothing much, you?’ and a shrug. The conversations never last as much as Xavier wishes they did. He even tried apologizing for the way he acted the last time they talked but she just brushed it off as if it was nothing.

Xavier lost count of the hours he spent perfecting the painting he made, but it was light outside by the time Bianca opened the door and let herself in.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Are we still going to the Fair?”

 “Morning, sleeping beauty!” Bianca cheered sarcastically. “You’ve been drooling on my shoulder.”

Xavier assessed the situation. He was in the car with the Nightshades. Rowan was driving. Bianca was right next to him in the backseat, mushed between him and Ajax.

“Sorry, I haven’t been sleeping well recently,” he excused himself and then lowered his voice so that only Bianca could hear it. “You know, you could help me with that.”

“For the last fucking time, Xavier, I’m not using my siren song on you. Ask again and I’ll never speak to you.”

“Please, I’m going insane, you have to help me!”

“You guys don’t have to whisper,” Rowan chimed from behind the wheel. “We know about Xavier’s obsession with the normie girl.”

“Not as obsessed as you are with Wednesday!”

The car shook violently as Rowan parked it with a little too much force next to the forest that lead to Nevermore. A howl was heard in the distance as the group walked out of the car still arguing. They had to speak louder to cover the music and everyone else at the Fair talking.

“My mom had a vision about her, you know that. I have to figure out what it meant.”

“Well, I have visions, too. And I need them to stop.”

He even told his therapist about this girl (sparing her some of the raunchier details) and started taking medication that’s supposed to suppress his visions. They haven’t been very effective. At this point he was so desperate he was willing to ask his dad for help.

“Was it her you were painting the other morning?” Bianca asked after the rest of the group was far enough for them not to hear.

Xavier was really hoping Bianca didn’t see his drawing when she came by his shed. It was too embarrassing to explain himself and anything he’d say tasted like a lie on his lips.

It’s just a painting, it doesn’t mean anything.

I draw naked people all the time.

I just wanted to get it out of my system.

Bullshit.

“You really need to talk this out with her. Maybe she knows something about why you’re having these visions.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin-“

“You’ll think of something.”

Bianca gave a wide smile and a dramatic wave to someone to their right and Xavier turned in that direction. (Y/N) was leaning on her arm next to an archery booth looking around as if she was waiting for someone. When her eyes landed on the two of them she gave them a salute.

“It’s not polite to let her wait for you. You’ve got this.”

Bianca gave her friend a little shove in the right direction and he stumbled. The girl of his dreams (visions?) wasn’t far away and he was headed right in her direction whether he wanted to or not. Xavier tried to fight the stupid smile that was spreading across his face as he was approaching her. He lost.

“Haven’t seen you in a long time,” the girl observed.

“Yeah, I haven’t gone out in the town lately.”

The girl furrowed her brows with concern as she leaned in, giving Xavier a closer inspection. It made him inhale a sharp breath. She smelled like cotton candy and the earth after it rained. He closed his eyes for just a second, enjoying her smell and her presence. When he opened them again, the girl was still studying him so carefully, the same way you may study a puzzle you're trying to solve.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

Did she know? Could she tell that she was the reason he hasn’t slept a wink last night? Or barely at all for the past month? Could she read his mind?

He was becoming paranoid.

“I look that bad, huh?”

A shy smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Not at all. Just tired. I could make you a tea for insomnia, it does wonders.”

There she goes again. No one in Xavier’s life treats him like this. Like he deserves to be fawned over, protected, taken care of. He was always the strong one in his family, the emotional pillar for his parents, the one his mom would go to for advice or when she needed a shoulder to cry on. All of his girlfriends and even his friends say he’s a good listener, that it’s easy to open up to him but very rarely do they ask about his feelings. And no one tries to make it better the way (Y/N) does.

It’s like she’s the only one who sees how broken he is and knows how to fix him.

“I’ve been taking some meds, they haven’t kicked in yet. But thanks anyway, it’s nice that you offered.”

“It can’t hurt to try. Come by the Weathervane on Monday? I work there now. I’ll make you a tea free of charge,” she points her last words on his shoulder.

Xavier grabs at his shoulder and makes a grimace as if it hurt, but really it didn’t. He just likes the way the girl looks at him when she worries about him.

“Wouldn’t that get you in trouble?”

“I like trouble,” she winks. “Usually my dashing smile and smooth talking get me out of pretty much anything. I got the boss wrapped around my finger.”

He could see that. She was hard to stay mad at. Hard to say no to. If there was someone who could get away with murder simply by being charming it would be her.

“I didn’t mean with your boss.”

Xavier regretted his words almost instantly. The change on the girl's face was almost imperceptible. He might have missed it if he wasn’t paying close attention to her. The amused spark in her eyes, the one he was so enamored with, died. It made him shiver.

He shouldn't have brought it up.

“Tyler doesn’t have to know. Plus, he has nothing to hold against you. He’s the one in the wrong. By the way, I’m still sorry for what happened that day. I can’t help but feel guilty, like if I hadn’t talked to you none of it would’ve happened.”

Xavier couldn’t imagine a world where he didn’t know (Y/N). He didn’t even want to think of a different universe where he was so engrossed in his work he didn’t notice the girl with stars in her eyes preparing her concert, didn’t hear her playing. A world where they both pass right by each other like ships in the night, neither ever truly seeing the other. What a nightmare.

Sure, slowly falling in love with her through another man’s eyes hurt. But never knowing her would be worse.

But he couldn’t say that, could he?

“You couldn’t have known. And if anything, I should be apologizing, I came to you first... to move the piano.”

And he’d do it again, a thousand times.

“Right,” the girl smiled wistfully as if reliving a happy memory. “Thanks again for that.”

“By the way, are you still playing on this year’s Outreach day?”

She shook her head in disappointment.

“No, this Nevermore girl– Wednesday, she’s playing a cello solo this year. She’s new and struggling to fit in, at least it’s what the mayor told me.”

“It’s a shame. I was looking forward to listening to you again. You really have a gift.”

The girl looked down bashfully and Xavier felt a rush of pride. It was usually her who made him blush. He almost wanted to gently grab her chin and make her look up at him. He’s gotten even taller than he was when they met. He wondered if she noticed that.

He leaned back into the archery booth that was behind him, trying to look casual. He realized he’s been beating around the bush and completely forgot why he was there talking to her in the first place. How was he going to break this to her lightly?

“You know how I said I was a seer, right?”

The girl nodded diligently.

“Yes, like your father.”

Xavier tried not to make a face at the mention of his father. They weren’t exactly on the best of terms. He gulped, doing his best to pick the next words that came out of his mouth.

“Tyler,” the girl chimed suddenly.

Xavier’s blood ran cold at the sight of Tyler coming towards them holding a water bottle that he handed to his girlfriend. He then gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Do you mind?” he asked Xavier tauntingly. “We’re on a date.” He then turned around to his girlfriend. “Do you want me to win something for you babe?”

Xavier crossed his arms trying to look unbothered although the sight in front of him hurt more than a hundred needles poking his heart at once. It was different seeing them together like this than when he had the visions. In those Tyler wasn’t really visible, since he was seeing everything through his eyes. In those visions, he could pretend he was the one (Y/N) was kissing.

Tyler went to pay the guy behind the counter at the archery booth some money and the guy handed him a plastic bow and arrow and explained to him how to win. Xavier couldn’t help but snicker watching Tyler fail miserably at the game. There was something vindictive about the sight.

“Shut up! What are you doing here anyway?” he asked annoyed. “Don’t you have some kinda restraining order against me?”

He shot his target and missed again. His hands were gripping the object so tightly his knuckles turned white.

I could easily win a toy for her, Xavier thought.

Actually, he just might.

“As long as you can be civil for one night, I’m not gonna go to the police.”

Xavier tried to remain calm and composed in order to not betray how much his heart was beating in his chest. He wasn’t even sure if the cause was the beautiful girl standing close to him or the stress of facing his attacker for the first time in almost a year. He wasn’t afraid of Tyler, per se, but he made him uneasy. Like the feeling you get when you watch a horror movie and foreboding music starts playing.

Without breaking eye contact with Tyler Xavier threw some money on the counter and reached his hand out towards him waiting to be handed the bow. Tyler pushed it in his hands a little more forceful than needed.

“I’m not gonna hide from you forever, dude. Until I finish school, we have to share this town. Get used to it.”

Xavier moved his attention to the target and shot his first arrow. He needed to hit the bull three times to get the big frog plushy the girl seemed to be eyeing that night. He could do it.

“It’s not the town I have a problem sharing,” Tyler muttered.

Xavier told himself to relax before releasing the arrow and hitting his target perfectly. Bull’s eye. Two more.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You just love playing stupid, huh Thorpe? I’m not blind, I know what you’re after,” he leaned towards Xavier so close he could see his freckles. “At least you healed surprisingly well, I was sure my shoe was gonna leave a scar on your forehead. I was going to make you the next Harry Potter.”

“Maybe you’re not as strong as you think you are,” Xavier commented, his eyes still on the target.

“Cut it out, both of you!”

Xavier could hear the anger and fear in (Y/N)'s voice and he hated himself for being partially the cause of that. What made him feel even more guilty was how his body reacted to hearing her enraged and commanding voice. It reminded him of a dream - or a vision? he wasn't sure - he had not so long ago. In which she was yelling at him for something he'd done that upset her and somehow in the middle of the argument her hands took a hold of his hair and pulled his face close to hers. She started kissing him feverishly.

He visibly gulped as he tried to suppress the memory. He almost lost focus, but he still managed to hit the target. Not dead center, but close enough to still get the prize. One more.

It seemed Tyler noticed the effect his girlfriend had on the tall boy he hated so much. He tried to bite down a smirk.

“You’re right babe, I’m sorry,” he said turning towards his girlfriend, burying his head in the crook of her neck. “Did I tell you how sexy you look in that dress? Are you wearing it all for me?”

He didn’t need to say it as loud as he did, but Xavier knew it was intentional, to make him lose concentration. And it worked. For a fraction of a second, his eyes slid from his target to (Y/N) and the pretty black dress covering her body, then to Tyler’s hand gripping her hips so tight like he was afraid she was gonna fall. Or run away. Xavier took the last shot with shaky hands and failed.

“Too bad,” Tyler coed mockingly reaching out his hand. “You shot your shot and you missed. It’s mine now.”

Xavier had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the game.

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The two boys were staring at each other, neither wanting to back down. Xavier realized just how stupid he was for being there just to poke Tyler further. He didn’t know what he expected to happen. That the girl of his dreams was just going to fall in his arms, begging him to save her from evil Tyler? Yeah, sure.

Maybe he wanted revenge on Tyler for what he did to him. To show him up and humiliate him. Maybe he just wanted to spend a little more time with her. To see her up close a little more. Hear her voice a little more. Stare into her eyes. He didn’t realize how much he missed her presence till he got it back. That asshole was so lucky that he got to have her all to himself and he didn’t even appreciate it. He should be worshiping the ground she walks on. Like he would.

“Stop ogling her,” Tyler pushed him against the archery stand. “She wouldn’t fuck a freak like you.”

Xavier stood up straight, reminding Tyler that he was much taller than him. A scared look surfaced on his face for just a second before it was replaced with an angry scowl. It gave Xavier a rush of confidence.

“Careful now,” he egged him on. “You don’t have your buddies with you anymore to help.”

“That’s enough. I don’t want any of you hurt again."

(Y/N) put her hands on both of the guys’ chests and pushed them apart forcefully. The same warm almost electric feeling passed through Xavier’s body as it did every time she touched him.

“Don’t cream your pants, Thorpe. She barely grazed you.”

“What is your problem, teddy?” the girl questioned her boyfriend.

Xavier knew that nickname. Teddy. Teddy bear. It’s what she usually called him in the sweet moments when they got along. When they were cuddling on the couch, watching a movie, having morning coffee together. In his delusion, Xavier almost convinced himself that she was calling him that.

“No, don’t teddy bear me! He is the problem! Why do you insist on taking his side? Do you have a thing for outcasts all of a sudden? You think his dick glows in the dark or some shit?”

“You’re being paranoid, just because I don’t want you going to jail doesn’t mean I wanna fuck the guy!”

The guy. This girl was everything to Xavier and he was just some guy to her. Some guy ruining her relationship with her boyfriend of many years.

“I’m not going to jail. Ever since last year, you’ve been acting like I’m some kind of ticking bomb always on the verge of exploding. Even right now you look at me like I’m a monster. Hell, do you even love me anymore?”

Tyler started walking away from both of them. “I’m done. Your new boyfriend can drive you home tonight.”

With his hands in his pockets, Tyler marched toward his car while his girlfriend (ex?) watched him leave with tears in her eyes. She seemed frozen for a few moments but right before Xavier could tell her anything, or apologize, she took off into the forest without a single word.

Xavier looked for a second at his friends who were watching the whole thing unfold from a safe distance. He found Bianca’s eyes and she gave him a subtle nod.

He took off towards where the girl was headed. She couldn’t let her wander off into the forest alone. Especially not at night. There was a monster in those woods and if something were to happen to her Xavier would never forgive himself.

“(Y/N), wait,” he gasped for air. “You’re really fast.”

The girl didn’t really stop but slowed down the pace for him to catch up with her.

“Only when I’m sad,” she sobbed. “I like to walk in the woods to clear my head. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

“I’m sorry I’ve riled up your boyfriend. I should’ve known he’d react this way.”

“It’s not your fault, Xavier, he’s been like this for a while now. Getting angry, breaking up with me before inevitably coming back to beg for forgiveness promising he’ll never do it again. He tells me he can’t live without me only to repeat the cycle at the slightest inconvenience.”

A familiar feeling was forming in Xavier’s stomach. Helplessness. This is what he felt like every time he saw them fight through the psychic link, which was often. Tyler would get jealous over something and throw a fit. (Y/N) would bring up a complaint she had and all hell broke loose. Lately, they’ve been fighting a lot about the new girl at Nevermore, Wednesday. It seemed like Tyler was harboring a crush on her, but every time the girl brought it up Tyler would get angry and defensive.

There were so many times when Xavier wanted to crawl out of Tyler’s mind and comfort the girl in front of him. Now was his chance. This girl was crying in front of him and he wasn’t trapped behind Tyler’s eyes anymore.

His trembling hands found their way to the small of her back, arms wrapping around the girl’s shoulders protectively like he could shield her from her own feelings. Or the people who caused them. He wanted to tell her she was safe in his arms.

She responded to the hug by pulling him closer, flushed against her body, and letting out a sob. It seemed she was starving for comfort as if no one has given her that in a long time.

“You don’t deserve this,” the words left Xavier’s mouth on their own.

She was too kind to ever suffer like that for anyone. He remembered how she treated his wounds and made sure he got home safe without even knowing him. Someone like her deserved only happiness and love.

Tyler however, deserved to have his ass handed to him a couple times. Xavier would do it gladly but he wouldn’t be able to stand how (Y/N) would look at him after that.

“He made his choice,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re just trying to protect him but he won’t listen.”

He couldn’t remember a time when any of his girlfriends were that protective of him. One of them actually was encouraging him to get into fights. But she never took care of him afterward, especially not after he lost. The closest he ever came to someone like that was Bianca who clearly had a crush on him and was very watchful of him but he never felt the same way about her. She couldn’t hold a candle to the girl crying on Xavier’s shoulder right now.

“I know what you want to say. I should just end it cause this relationship is going nowhere but… It’s not that simple. I’ve known him all my life, I don’t even have an idea as to what a life without Tyler would look like. And I just can’t say no to him when he’s crying. You don’t know how heartbroken he looks when he comes back.”

She let out another heart-wrenching sob. Xavier’s arms instinctively tightened around her, as if they could forcefully glue back the pieces of her broken heart. If only he were strong enough to do that.

He felt the girl shivering in his arms. He let her go for a second to take off his jacket and place it across her shoulders. Her dress was pretty but it didn’t do much to keep her warm. And his uniform jacket looked good on her.

“Looks to me like he doesn’t have a problem making you cry. You deserve better.”

The boy’s thumb wiped away a tear from her cheek. Gingerly, as if he was afraid she’d dissipate like a mirage the second he would touch her. Because a girl like her couldn’t be real. And if she was he could never have her.

“Thank you,” her words came out merely a whisper.

Her gaze traveled north to meet his eyes and Xavier forgot how to breathe. He could feel his own pulse in his thumb which was still resting on the girl’s face. How did she manage to become more beautiful every time his eyes laid on her? He’s never wanted to kiss anyone more in his life. He knew it was wrong but doing the wrong thing has never felt so enticing.

He was holding on to his morals by a hair strand and he knew that if she made the first step; if she leaned in and closed her eyes he wouldn’t make the smallest effort to stop her. He wasn’t strong enough. If she wanted to kiss him he would let her. So they could be wrong together.

@helluvafire​ you said you wanted part two.

sorry it took so long for this to arrive. i’ve been writing on it for two weeks cause i didn’t like it, i had to rewrite a lot. then i realized it was closing in on 6k words and i still wasn’t done so i decided i’ll just chop this part in two. that’s why it ends kinda abruptly.

 so i’m already 1.5k words into part 3. hopefully it’s not gonna take me another two weeks to finish.

also this whole thing was written exclusively between 12pm and 4 am. i can’t seem to be able to write at normal hours.

[feveruary]

Hey, just wondering how toxic/angsty are we allowed to get? Most of the works I am writing for this are fairly fluffy but I have a few pairings that are very toxic (for one pairing, one of them basically worships the other, one pairing do murder-suicide on each other, you get the idea).

I know you already got an ask about this, but I am wondering about the specific boundaries/limits here. The sickfics themselves are planned on being more hurt/comfort based but there's still going to be elements of these issues surrounding the work, as well as some heavy topics that might require content warnings (although I don't plan on anything graphic or violent, just sort of vaguely miserable lol).

If this isn't allowed, should I only associate/tag the fics that don't contain any of these aspects with feveruary? This event is super awesome and I'm incredibly excited to participate, but I don't want to put your name on something that you consider too triggering to be associated with.

Hi! So what we really aren't allowing here is blatant depictions of abuse or domestic violence. We understand that certain pairings are naturally toxic regardless of the prompt you're writing for and we don't want to limit the event to those who write for those ships.

From my understanding here, it doesn't sound like you'll be writing anything centered around or focused on abuse but if it does cross that line, we ask that you don't associate those fics with us just to keep the event safe.

I know that this is a pretty broad answer it can be sort of hard to give a specific answer without additional context, but please feel free to message one of us if this doesn't clear things up enough.

[bulkheadzine]

The Bulkhead zine: QnA!

As Mod Applications are still going! Finally, your long awaited questions for the zine have been answered! Read bellow for more! [drawing done by our sweet art/general mod @rubski02 ]

What to expect?

Well, for anyone new, this will be a calm little project centered around Bulkhead. Once you join, you will be invited to the Zine Discord and there, you will begin your work for the zine itself! 

I'll be explaining more and more about it there so you don't have to worry, me and the mod team will explain everything there needs to be explained!

Is there a specific theme?

Nope! As long as it includes Bulkhead, all is good!

Will this zine be SFW or NSFW?

This zine is completely SFW! No 18+ content will be allowed. 

Who are the organizers?

Why it's Bulkhead himself!!.. (actually it's myself @mightyfoz , @rubski02 and @23-punnybee (but we will be adding more to our Moderator team seeing how much interest there is!)

Would mods still get to contribute to the zine? All mods will be free to contribute to the zine if they want to!

Will there be a schedule?

Yes, there will be one! Mostly so we can keep track of all the contributors!

Is there an age requirement?

The only age requirement is for you to be 13+, due to Discord's rules.

Is the zine beginner friendly?

Of course! We are happy to have you in the zine! No matter your level of experience with zines!

Will you need a small portfolio or examples of art/writing?

Yes. You will be allowed to highlight any of your works. A social media link works as a portfolio, as long as we are able to see your work! So don’t worry about not having a website prepared beforehand.

Are Collabs between contributors allowed?

Yes! We highly encourage collaborating between both artists and writers. Collabs between artists and writers are totally fine!

Are black and white illustrations alright to submit?

Black and white illustrations are alright, as long as they are fully rendered pieces! We won't accept sketches/only-linework pieces.

Are written works restricted to fanfic only?

Nope! Written works can be anything from fanfics to meta analysis and even articles! This opens quite a nice area for collaboration between artists and writers as you can have your piece illustrated!

What versions of Bulkhead are allowed?

All versions of Bulkhead are allowed! Human/Bot, heck, even cats or dogs or any other type of AU or fan-made designs of Bulkhead will be allowed, as long as it's clear it's him!

Is there a limit on the writing portion of the zine?

Yes! Most writings should be 2,500 words! No matter if it's a fanfic or simply you wanting to voice your opinion on Bulkhead.

Is this a charity/profit based zine and will the zine be free?

Nope this zine is not profit or charity based! This zine is completely free!

Will this zine be physical? The zine will be digital only!

Will you have to have drawn Bulkhead before?

Not really! All artists are welcome, you will have plenty of time to practice drawing him for your final piece!

Do merch artists have to produce the merch themselves?

Nope! All merch will be digital! The only printable merch that we will include will be sticker sheets and posters, but those will only be included as digital files for all viewers to print for themselves!

Will the zine include ship content?

Of course! What better way to show love to our sweet green lad, than drawing him with his loving partner(s). 

As long as the ship itself revolves around Bulkhead being loved of course! All ships are allowed with Bulkhead (as long as it is morally acceptable. 

For example non-morally acceptable ships are: Pedophilia/Incest/Toxic relationships/etc.).  

Is Angst/Whump allowed?

Since we want this to be a happy zine, only Mild Angst is allowed. 

For example: Bulkhead is sad over something about himself or something else, and his friends/partner/etc. cheer him up! 

So please if you are to write/draw anything angsty please keep it mild! Thank you!

Those are all the questions for now! Remember if you have any questions feel free to ask us here on Tumblr! Or check the #the bulkhead zine:qna on our blog for questions we've answered.

[bubblesteasblog]

Lyrics from songs in my skwistok playlist and their relevance to the ship/characters:

WARNING: HELLAAAA LONG POSTTT (if you don’t wanna read it you don’t have to)

1.) I Know You- Faye Webster

“I’m here regardless of the pain/ Don’t ever tell me to go away/ From you”

Refers to their incessant arguing and how Toki never leaves and still stays around him.

“When we’re old and have to leave the Earth/ I’ll still remember all I’ve learned/ From you”

Referring to Toki and how Skwisgaar is his role model and let him into the band, teaching him things along the way.

2.) Vampire Empire- Big Thief

This is a bit more angsty but this once again refers to the more toxic aspects of Skwisgaar and Toki and how they are constantly at each other’s throats. Skwisgaar criticizing Toki etc. etc.

3.) Pretty Boy- TV Girl

Just refers to Skwisgaar’s character, especially the lyrics:

“But how about his loneliness? He gets it from his mom”

Referring to the similarity in lack of commitment in relationships the two share.

4.) Gnaw- Alex G

This is mostly Toki-centered:

“I won’t tell your mother/ She won’t ever discover/ The things you kept under the covers”

This is referring to two things (up to interpretation): the doll Toki hid in the pit he was put in when punished and the way he would make a happy world for himself, or the idea that Toki could be homosexual and would hide it from his parents.

“I am not your brother/ I am not your lover”

Throughout the show the band is referred to as “brothers,” this is in reference to that and a more angsty twinge of how the two are so repressed that they would probably not be lovers.

5.) First Love/Late Spring- Mitski

“But I find that/ Lately, I’ve been crying like a tall child”

This lyric refers especially to Toki and how he never got to truly be a child and acts in a childish way in his adulthood to compensate for it, essentially feeling like a tall child.

“So please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe/ Please don’t say you love me”

Can be a reference to how both sides of the party would be scared of commitment or their relationship, or the fear Toki would have of Skwisgaar loving him because of his “curse.”

6.) I Want You- Mitski

Referring to repressed and hidden emotions that could possibly be felt. Honestly the whole song can apply to these two.

7.) Once More to See You- Mitski

Basically the same reasons as number 6

7.2) Once More to See You- Mitski

Referencing how they are both famous and a relationship could ruin their reputations and would be out in the public eye for everyone to see and talk about.

8.) Things to Do- Alex G

Toki. Just Toki.

9.) Crack Baby- Mitski

Something about these lyrics reminds me of Skwisgaar and how he’s always reaching for that sense of love but never truly experiencing it and craving it but not knowing what it truly is he wants.

[antaresgalaeth]

Yearning for her (Sebastian Sallow x Hufflepuff OC) - Part 2

Notes: well, I suppose this is part 2 / ? 🤡

Warnings: Angsty, Spoilers from Hogwarts Legacy, jealousy, toxic behavior, light smut?, WiP✍🏻

Word count: 2138

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Luckily for Alessa, Professor Weasley had not yet arrived when she entered the classroom. Her breathing was labored, still feeling great discomfort from the encounter with the Gryffindor keeper, but also she felt a tingling sensation in her stomach from the support of her friend Ominis. After everything they had been through since they met, Ominis was the most noble person she had ever known. Something more than commendable considering his origins, she held him in great esteem for defending his values despite the immense familial pressure he faced regarding the Dark Arts and pureblood lineage.

Whilst Alessa made her way to her designated seat, her breathing began to slow down and her features relaxed, revealing a slight smile. As she sat down, she rested her hand on her cheek to watch Natty practicing a bird-conjuring charm. Natty's wand movements were hypnotic, and Alessa's mind wandered until she began to think about how Ominis used his wand to guide himself, and then linked that to what had just happened with him a few moments ago. "I hope Ominis didn't get the wrong impression when I kissed him, how embarrassing!" she reflected. She cupped her face with her hands. "Well, it was an innocent gesture of gratitude, wasn't it?" She tried to reason with herself to reduce her stress levels, while wiping the sweat from her palms on her robe.

Her inner monologue was interrupted when she saw Sebastian enter through the door. She felt happy for him as she saw that he had his precious notebook in his arms. She looked at him with a big smile and waved at him. The classroom was spacious, the center of the room was completely clear, and two rows of desks faced each other on each side. Sebastian sat on the opposite side from Alessa, going directly to his seat without even looking at her. Normally, he would come to her desk to chat until the Professor arrived, but he didn't do it this time. Alessa was quite surprised about that.

The class went on as usual, the same could not be said of Sebastian's attitude. Alessa was used to his knowing glances and jokes from a distance, but not today. Sebastian didn't even look at her or interact with her, not even by chance. "Has something happened to him?... Did I do something that bothered him?... Or did he receive news from Anne?" Alessa was mulling over that while tapping her right leg anxiously. She was more focused on Sebastian than on the Professor. She felt impatient, wanting to approach him as soon as the class was over to ask him about what had happened. Whatever it was, they would solve it. When Professor Weasley finished the lesson, Sebastian was already crossing the door. "Sebast-" was all she could say before he disappeared.

*********

The entrance to the Great Hall was crowded with students of all ages coming and going. First-year students could be heard screaming in amazement when they entered and saw the gigantic room decorated with Christmas ornaments and fake snow falling from the ceiling.

Ominis was standing next to the door, waiting for them with his usual calmness while listening to the reactions of the first years and chuckling to himself. "Hi, Ominis," sighed Alessa, touching his forearm for him to locate her better, trying to ignore the heat on her cheeks upon seeing him, something that hadn't happened until now. "Have you talked to Sebastian, is he already inside?" Ominis turned his body to face her. "No, we haven't run into each other," he furrowed his brow in confusion and continued, "I thought you guys would come together from Transfiguration class. Don't tell me he's got detention," he joked.

Ominis noticed a brief silence before Alessa explained about Peeves and how Sebastian had been acting unusually upon their arrival. "I don't know, it felt like he was avoiding me. Do you think he's upset that I didn't help him earlier?" He immediately shook his head, unconvinced by that conclusion. "Hmm. Clearly something had happened during the class exchange. But I don't think that's it, don't worry," he fiddled his fingers while trying to find an explanation. "I suspect that if something has upset him as much as you indicate, he has gone off to spend some time alone. You know how he is." Ominis raised his arm, seeking Alessa's shoulder to rest his hand and comfort her. "Yes, you're right," exhaled Alessa. "Don't worry, he'll surely tell us when he calms down," he assured her. "Shall we go for lunch?" Alessa felt a tingle when Ominis gently rubbed the hand he still had on her. "Yes, let's go," she said, briefly touching his back as they both headed inside the Great Hall, each sitting at their respective house tables.

*********

The hallways and halls of Hogwarts were bursting with energy at that time of day, and Sebastian was not in the mood to put up with anyone's nonsense. He had tunnel vision, a dry mouth and a tense jaw. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, and even though it was lunchtime, thinking about food made his stomach churn. The only place where he could truly calm down was in the complete solitude offered by the Undercroft.

The cold and damp atmosphere welcomed him. The dimness relieved him for a moment as he isolated himself from the stimuli of the outside world, regaining some peripheral vision. Nevertheless, thoughts of Alessa with Ominis were playing on a loop in his mind. He paced aimlessly, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head, trying to turn off his -extremely creative- imagination. When he looked towards one of the few walls that were clear, the image of Ominis facing Alessa against the wall came to his mind whilst he rubbed her body under her uniform and whispered to her in Parseltongue. Alessa moaned his name non-stop, arching her back to push her hips back, pressing into Ominis' sensitive areas. That's when Sebastian couldn't take it anymore, he pulled out his wand and, with a guttural shout, growled "CONFRINGO!"

He cast spell after spell aiming at the stacked barrels, the armor, and other objects across the room. They exploded until only debris and a cloud of dust remained. Sebastian's chest rose and fell rapidly until he cast the last Confringo. By then, his panting gradually calmed down until he returned to his normal breathing, finishing it with a big sigh. He walked to the wall where he leaned his back and let himself fall until his butt touched the ground. He rubbed his face and put his hands on his flexed knees, rotating the wand around itself while bouncing to the same rhythm as the repetitive movement of his right foot.

"Why does it have to be Ominis?" he said bitterly to himself. Among all the students at Hogwarts, he was the only person he could feel inferior to. He was elegant, disciplined, patient, always knew what to say to calm her down or make her laugh, and on top of that, they both shared an extremely rare ability. She was simply out of his reach, but that didn't stop him from wishing things were different. He looked up and saw the triptych hanging on the wall in the room, from when he helped her with her mission with the Keepers and the fight against Ranrok. A few seconds passed with a grateful silence in his mind until he heard Alessa's sweet and gentle voice in his head, like an echo "...I've had a sense about you since...".

Sebastian's foot froze in place and a slight smile began to form on his face. Realizing that perhaps it held a deeper meaning than he had realized up until that day. Those words, recovered from oblivion, gave him hope for a chance. Had their feelings been mutual all this time? Now everything made more sense, she could have abandoned him since the day he cast the Cruciatus curse on her in the Scriptorium, but she didn't. She endured his insults and much worse things. "No one who doesn't have feelings for the other person can tolerate that," he convinced himself.

"I'm sorry, Ominis, but she's mine," he said as he stood up. He dusted off his robe and ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing out the tangles and making himself look more presentable. Once he was tidier, he made a circular gesture with his wand in the air and said, "Reparo." Everything he had destroyed began to rebuild itself like a puzzle, returning each item to its original place as if nothing had happened. "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission," he muttered. He left the room in search of Alessa with determination, but angry at himself for being so stupid and letting so much time pass.

*********

If there was something that could evade Alessa and give her a moment of happiness, it was a good meal. Alessa sat next to her great friend, Poppy, that shy girl passionate about animals. Like most in Hufflepuff, they both closed their eyes to focus on all the smells of the food and let out a sound of delight. "Mmmm. The mashed potatoes look delicious today," said Alessa rubbing her hands together and began to serve herself. "If the Christmas dinner is better than this, we're going to roll all the way to the common room. Thank Merlin we're not in Ravenclaw," replied Poppy. The two friends laughed and bumped shoulders in a sign of camaraderie. Being with Poppy was like a breath of fresh air.

After they finished eating their lunch, Poppy accompanied Alessa to the Slytherin table, where Ominis was, to let him know they all would meet later at the Grand Staircase to go to Charms class together. In the meantime, they would go back to their common room to freshen up and get the necessary things. The Hufflepuff common room was quite close, as it was located under the Great Hall, right next to the kitchen. "I think I'm going to take Highwing for a walk this afternoon, if you don't mind," Poppy said, skipping along and lacing her fingers together as she asked Alessa. She chuckled and replied, "Of course, you know you don't have to ask me for permission to go to the vivarium. The Room knows perfectly well that you're welcome."

Poppy was humming as they went down the stairs leading to the cellars, despite the looks of some classmates that she seemed to completely ignore. Alessa enjoyed seeing her so happy, showing a big smile. When they passed the kitchen door and turned the corner, Alessa stilled abruptly for a moment. "Sebastian?" she whispered with concern, all the energy that Poppy had given her vanished. Between them and the giant barrel at the end of the hallway, which was the entrance to the Hufflepuff House, stood Sebastian standing in front of some dusty barrels stacked up. Far enough from the entrance to avoid the vinegar stream. His shoulders were tense and his hands restless, in one of them he held his pocket watch, which he was staring at, as if he had to do something against the clock.

Poppy took a couple of steps forward before realizing her friend's reaction. "Alessa, is everything okay?" she turned back to talk to her. Alessa shifted her attention to Poppy and relaxed her expression so as not to worry her. "Y-yes, Poppy, everything's fine. You go ahead, I'm going to talk to Sebastian for a moment." Poppy looked at Sebastian and then at Alessa, who was clenching her jaw. If there was one thing that Poppy was good at with animals, it was empathy and reading beings' energy. The energy of both screamed ‘leave us alone’, and so she did. She said goodbye to Alessa and nodded at Sebastian, who responded the same way.

Alessa approached Sebastian with uncertain steps as he put away his watch and looked at her intensely with his dark brown eyes. Alessa swallowed with difficulty; she had seen that look before, and it wasn't a good omen. "Has something happened, Sebastian?" she asked with a furrowed brow, stroking the edge of her nails with her thumb. He stood right in front of her, so close she could smell him, although it wasn't the scent she expected, "hearth?" she thought, dilating her nostrils, "Where did he go?. Did he burn something?. I hope he hasn't been fighting." Alessa's dilated eyes met Sebastian's. "We need to talk", he ordered seriously. He grabbed her firmly by the arm and turned her around to retrace her steps and climb the stairs again. Alessa pressed her lips together, with her heart beating rapidly in her chest and the feeling of not knowing what's going on.

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Thank you for reading! Open to feedback ^^

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LINK PART 1: https://www.tumblr.com/antaresgalaeth/712598432672612352/yearning-for-her-sebastian-sallow-x-oc?source=share

[diodellet]

ooohh that ask game has some interesting questions hmm how abt 16, 18, and 23?

i am realizing just how much this ask game is making me bare my soul goshhh (/not srs), thanks for sending me an ask, bibi!

16. What makes you immediately close a fic that otherwise seemed good?

hm...well, most of the time i try to stick it out even if i'm not enjoying the fic from the first few sentences. like, maybe it's just me but a lot of the first words of a fic tends to be the (for lack of a better word) "the gunk" that precedes the actual story? like some stories just have slow starts, but they do get gud.

but to answer the q, i guess stuff that makes me roll my eyes at a fic, in the context of x readers would probably have to be:

disclaimer: most of the time, i don't mind reading these. but there are just moments where they bother me as i'm reading

reader getting carried bridal style (i dont like it, i hate it. id rather be carried like a sack of potatoes. or id rather be carried like a goat by its shepherd. but i do like seeing characters getting princess-carried) just carry me like this instead 🤧🤧👇

royalty AU++CEO/office/corporate-setting AU (like secret princess of a kingdom or being a secretary, for example) i'm not a big fan of those kinds of settings. like ok sure a chara can look good in business formal or in some fine furs, but once the eye candy wears off thats when i exit the fic oops.

fics centered around marriage: i don't really enjoy reading proposals. also thinking of how the rings, the dresses, and the flowers look is hard bcs of my (partial?) aphantasia, but weddings Are Pretty Fun as a background setting. overall, i think what bothers me most is that the chara loses a bit of their personality after they get wed together with the reader.

^^actually in relation to this... im not that big of a fan of prom/dance settings, they both read very similarly, especially since the reader tends to be placed in the more passive role of being asked out. (but when you make it angsty or hurt/comfort, ok i will read it i'm a simple girl)

Oh and ig this is just me wishing for more in the Imposter-SAGAU genre of fanfic (i mean i'm still looking around, i don't feel desperate enough to write smth of my own), but i kinda wish the charas weren't so doe-eyed and quick to apologize to the reader. like, i get the feeling of wanting to write The Good Bits Immediately (e.g. being fawned over, getting to lord that blunder over the characters) but the potential of slowburn trauma recovery and developing a relationship from straight-up antagonism is Right There.

18. What media do you want to get into because of artists/writers you like?

i think i'd want to try reading more poetry? like, if i rb a lot of web weaving, i gotta know sumn other than "deep" pop lyrics (u wont find me saying nice things about ms sw*ft). so far i'm thinking of starting with ocean vuong and richard siken (basic ik but i mean, their works are good)

dunmeshi! i've been putting it off for forever 🙈🙈 (<-girlie watched frieren and forgor abt dunmeshi bcs they got yorushika to do the 2nd OP) but senshi,,,, SENSHI THE MAN THAT U ARE,,,,

Oh! and i'm rlly curious about alien stage! my sibling's dipping into it and he told me it was basically america's got talent x the promised neverland. and he said the magic words "toxic yaoi" and "doomed yuri," i Gotta watch it atp. (also like, carole and tuesday rearranged my brain, im ready to put a sadder spin on it😤)

23. What would you make a 5 hour video essay on, if you had enough time and motivation?

as soon as i read this all my hyperfixations have: left the server HAHAHA

maybe in terms of recent ones, i could try analyzing madds buckley's my love is sick. i wrote about that album for a final paper in a basic music elective, but i was constrained to only 3 pages so i only talked about 2-3 songs. but i could pretend to be a music major and regale ppl with how the leitmotifs tie together and completely destroy me add a new layer of meaning to the songs on subsequent listens. Also like, these songs just Get It (not sure what "it" is exactly, but there's smth related to first love and love lost*)

(but atm im just yoinking songs from there to use for fic/chapter titles, i plan on using one for this ruggie timeloop angst fic im plotting out anyway)

(art appreciation ask questions, please bug me to rb some underrated art and fic)

[remidyal]

Remidyal's Fic Masterpost

A full list of my current fics, assuming I remember to update this post and pin it!

I love people doing derivative works and give blanket permission for any non-commercial art, podfic, etc SO LONG AS you do not use an AI or machine learning tool. Also, please link it to me because I wanna see.

Dimension 20 stuff:

Long fics:

Lunacy is my longest fic (at the time of writing this, about 180k words), an in-progress Adaine (and, particularly later, Aelwyn) focused fic in which Adaine fails her con save and becomes a werewolf. Similar overall in tone to the original, Lunacy strives pretty hard to be largely canon compliant from that divergence point, other than things that just are mostly changed for narrative needs. A heavy focus on Adaine (and again, later, Aelwyn) finding a family. There's two other works in the series; one is a short fic that was a draft oneshot of the core idea, the other is some supplemental material and missing scenes.

This thing is my baby and if you make art or recursive fic of it I will love it and you.

Missing is another in-progress long form fic, this one with Aelwyn as the main character and Adaine in the secondary role. This one is much less canon-compliant than Lunacy; the Abernant parents start on physical abuse sooner than they do in canon, and Aelwyn is a little bit braver and runs away, taking Adaine with her. Generally will have shorter chapters than Lunacy and definitely won't be going 250k words the way Lunacy probably will by the end.

Oneshots and short series:

Most of these are in the 1k-2k word range.

Fantasy High:

Poison and its sequel Bane focus on a very toxic relationship between Penelope Everpetal and Aelwyn Abernant. They're pretty angsty, but I actually really like them. It's not a sincere romance by any means - for starters, Aelwyn in almost all of my works is Aromantic Pansexual (and Adaine is aroace) - and it's definitely Penelope driving it. I may do a third part of this one sometime.

Dreams is much longer than most of these oneshots, just short of 10k words, and is centered around Riz and Kalina, though all of the Bad Kids appear and Fig and Adaine are the most important characters besides those two. This is a class swap AU, with Riz as a Cleric of the 'Sleeping God', and Kalina (and the Sleeping God) as a much more ambiguous figure than the Nightmare King and Kalina of canon. I DEEPLY love the class swaps here, particularly Cleric Riz, Warlock Kristen, and Wild Magic Sorcerer Adaine.

Flames of Passion is the only one of these that's under a thousand words, coming in right around 900. It's also maybe the only one of these truly focused on a romantic ship (Poison and Bane are definitely not ROMANTIC). The pairing is Kalvaxus/Gilear. Make of it what you will.

Dig Out is another one that's likely to get a followup someday. This one seems more angsty than it really is, because I think it ends in kind of a happy way? But it's marked with major character death, because Adaine's a zombie in this one. Give it a read anyway? I genuinely have grown to really love this one.

The Ghost of Me is another one where Adaine dies, but this one's almost triumphant. This is a fic imagining her following through on the threats she makes to Kir and Angwyn if the Elvish government executes her.

Minutes from the July Mordred Manor Wizard's Council Meeting is almost a purely comedic fluff piece, centered around the Mordred Manor Wizard's Council of Adaine O'Shaughnessey, Aelwyn Abernant, Ayda Aguefort, and Zayn Darkshadow.

Waiting is a purely comedic piece about the Bad Kids, plus Aelwyn and Ayda, getting a summer job at a thinly veiled Waffle House expy.

Runaway was a theoretical pilot (the same way Lunacy had) for a series in which Aelwyn stuck Adaine in a palimpsest in their fight and then fled the country with that crystal.

Non-Fantasy High:

Sisters is a post-canon by several years A Crown of Candy fic following Ruby looking into possible disloyalty among the new Candian nobility.

Gallivant's End is a post-canon Starstruck fic following Riva on their journey home, worrying about the changes they have gone through.

Unending Summer is a post-canon (I'm sensing a trend...) Unsleeping City fic focused on Iga's kids, who I had to create tags for to publish this fic even though they are awesome. Y'all should write more Iga's Kids fic, collectively.

Non-Dimension 20 Works

These have both been on hold for a few months, but I do plan to complete both.

To See the End is a Tales of Berseria canon-divergent AU fic, splitting off at the point where Magilou makes her last stand against Melchior; in this, the party is slower and Melchior pushes her to the point of brain hemorrhaging, killing Magilou and leaving her spirit to reincarnate (as a powerful magic user) on the spot as a Malak.

People Who Lies To Themselves is a full Naruto AU where Orochimaru ends up as the fourth Hokage and the village is just generally harsher and crappier, but at least more open about it. It follows a Sakura who gets peer pressured in VERY different ways.