#more and more details are coming out and trump's people are getting caught in their own lies | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

argyrocratie · 2 months ago

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“The battle between us and the occupation who desecrated our land, displaced our people and are still murdering and displacing Palestinians—confiscating lands and attacking sacred places—is an open ended battle,” Sinwar said. When asked about the killing of Israeli civilians by Hamas rockets, Sinwar became animated. “You can’t compare that to those who resist and defend themselves with weapons that look primitive in comparison. If we had the capabilities to launch precision missiles that targeted military targets, we wouldn’t have used the rockets that we did,” he shot back. “Does the world expect us to be well-behaved victims while we’re getting killed? For us to be slaughtered without making a noise? That’s impossible.”

Two and a half years later, Sinwar authorized the start of Operation Al Aqsa Flood, the single deadliest attack inside Israel in history.

(...)

Khalidi also believes that Hamas was not prepared for its own operational success on October 7. “I don't think they expected the Gaza division to fall apart. I don't think they expected to overrun a dozen or more border settlements. I don't think they expected thousands and thousands of Gazans to come out of this prison that Israel has created and kidnap individual Israelis. I don't think they expected the kind of killing that took place in these border settlements. I don't think all of this was planned, frankly,” he told me. “There was absolutely no control of the battle space. There was no control of this area. The Israeli army took four days to reoccupy every single military position, every single border village. So there were two days, three days, in some cases more, during which there was complete chaos. I'm sure horrific things happened.”

Hamas has consistently denied allegations that its fighters intentionally killed civilians on October 7. In a manifesto published on January 21, titled “Our Narrative,” Hamas sought to explain Operation Al Aqsa Flood, though the document consisted mostly of general grievances. Among the tangible aims of the attacks in Israel, Hamas said, its fighters had “targeted the Israeli military sites, and sought to arrest the enemy’s soldiers to [put] pressure on the Israeli authorities to release the thousands of Palestinians held in Israeli jails through a prisoners exchange deal.”

“Maybe some faults happened during Operation Al Aqsa Flood’s implementation due to the rapid collapse of the Israeli security and military system, and the chaos caused along the border areas with Gaza,” it continued. Sinwar reportedly acknowledged to his comrades after October 7 that “things went out of control” and “People got caught up in this, and that should not have happened.”

Rabbani said that it is undeniable that Hamas killed civilians during the October 7 attacks and expressed serious doubts about the group’s official position that Al Aqsa Flood was focused solely on targeting the Israeli military. “Hamas has a history of this—its suicide bombings against civilian buses and restaurants and so on during the Second Intifada,” he said. Rabbani recalls reading accounts of the October 7 attacks and watching videos from that day of Israeli civilians being killed or captured. “My initial view was that these were probably people who had been suffering in Gaza their whole lives, didn't expect to go back alive, and wanted to go out with a bang. I'm sure that's the explanation for some of these cases,” he said.

“But I also wonder to what extent it was premeditated. I'd be very interested to learn to what extent Hamas intended to inflict a terribly traumatic blow on Israeli society, and not only the Israeli military,” he added. “There is evidence to support it. There is also evidence to contradict it. But I think it's a question worth examining in more detail.”

(...)

In the years preceding the October 7 attacks, under presidents Trump and Biden, Hamas watched as Israel became more emboldened as prospects for Palestinian liberation receded to the footnotes of Washington-led initiatives aimed at normalizing relations between Israel and Arab nations like Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and the United Arab Emirates. Netanyahu’s position was: “We must not give the Palestinians a veto over new peace treaties with Arab states.”

Just two weeks before the October 7 attacks, the Israeli leader delivered a speech at the UN general assembly in New York, brandishing a map of what he promised could be the “New Middle East.” It depicted a state of Israel that stretched continuously from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea. Gaza and the West Bank, as Palestinian lands, were erased.

During that speech, Netanyahu portrayed the full normalization of relations with Saudi Arabia as the linchpin of his vision for this “new” reality, one which would open the door to a “visionary corridor that will stretch across the Arabian Peninsula and Israel. It will connect India to Europe with maritime links, rail links, energy pipelines, fiber-optic cables.”

Hamas monitored these developments carefully and saw the U.S. moves toward circumventing a Palestinian resolution in its normalization campaign as an existential threat. “If Saudi Arabia signed, it means the whole region, when it comes to the Palestinian question, will collapse. It is not a plan. It is not a peace process. It is an integration of Israel in the newly created Middle East. They have started to talk about Middle East NATO,” Naim said. “It is a coup against the heritage, the history, the values of this region and against the future, all this together.”

According to Abulhawa, “The status quo was unsustainable and untenable, especially when Arab leaders began normalizing and the writing was on the wall for our total disappearance and total destruction.”

(...)

Abulhawa said that while she understands the value of the quest to fully understand the specific motivations and objectives of Hamas’s operations on October 7, it is essential to view it as a logical consequence of history. “Palestinians have, for decades, tried every possible avenue to shake off this oppression, this unrelenting, violent colonizer. So this was going to happen sooner or later. It was inevitable that something was going to come to a head, particularly in Gaza,” she said.

“If you go back to the 1940s after the Nakba, there was a decade or so when Palestinians were just pleading with international bodies, going from one place to another, trying to negotiate for justice, trying to go home, trying to figure out a way. And there was no movement. We were completely irrelevant. Nobody even acknowledged us,” Abulhawa added. “It was only until Palestinians resorted to armed resistance that the world finally admitted that, ‘Oh wait, this is an indigenous population that does exist.’ It was only after we started hijacking planes and resorting to guerrilla warfare in the spirit of leftist guerrilla movements of that era that there was any movement towards liberation.”

(...)

The October 7 attacks and the subsequent guerrilla war in Gaza against the Israeli military has undoubtedly raised Hamas’s political standing among many Palestinians. This support, though, may not necessarily translate into political and electoral victory down the line. “Whereas they clearly are in a stronger position politically than the PA, which is seen as a subcontractor for the occupation and as clapped out, exhausted, corrupt and so on by most Palestinians, that doesn't mean that there are not criticisms which many people are not willing to voice right now because they are standing up to the Israelis,” Khalidi said. “Their resistance, the fact that they're still fighting the Israelis on the one hand makes a lot of Palestinians, especially the ones farther away from Gaza, heartened. On the other hand, what has happened to the people of Gaza leaves a lot of Palestinians, especially the ones in Gaza, not so happy.”

Rabbani agreed that how people in Gaza will ultimately judge Hamas’s responsibility for the apocalyptic devastation they’ve endured remains unpredictable. “I think there will also be many Palestinians who will look and say, ‘Okay, the Gaza Strip has been reduced to rubble. You've left the people of the Gaza Strip defenseless and subject to genocide. And yes, Israel did it. Israel is responsible. But that's on you as well.’” At the same time, Rabbani says the attacks of October 7 represent a historic chapter in the cause of Palestinian liberation and compared it to other pivotal moments in anti-colonial struggles in South Africa and Vietnam that came with significant death tolls among civilians. “There's no denying the catastrophic consequences,” he said. “But my sense is that the changes in the longer term—of course without in any way trying to minimize the enormously unbearable damage that has been inflicted on an entire people—will, in the end, be seen as a critical turning point akin to Sharpeville, Soweto, Dien Bien Phu.”

Abulhawa said that during her trips to Gaza she talked with people about how they viewed Hamas and encountered what she described as complex, nuanced, and sometimes contradictory perspectives. “The trauma is profound. And they'll tell you two conflicting ideas in the same breath. On the one hand, they're angry. And sometimes some people will blame Hamas, but everybody knows who's bombing them. Everybody.”

In his past media interviews, Sinwar has spoken of Hamas as a social movement with a military wing and framed its political goals as part of the historic struggle to reestablish a unified state of Palestine. “I am the Gaza leader of Hamas, of something much more complex than a militia—a national liberation movement. And my main duty is to act in the interest of my people: to defend it and its right to freedom and independence,” he said. “All of those who still view us as an armed group, and nothing more, you don't have any idea of what Hamas really looks like.... You focus on resistance, on the means rather than the goal—which is a state based on democracy, pluralism, cooperation. A state that protects rights and freedom, where differences are faced through words, not through guns. Hamas is much more than its military operations.”

Sinwar, unlike leaders of Al Qaeda or ISIS, has regularly invoked international law and UN resolutions, exhibiting a nuanced understanding of the history of negotiations with Israel mediated by the U.S. and other nations. “Let's be clear: having an armed resistance is our right, under international law. But we don't only have rockets. We have been using a variety of means of resistance,” he said in the 2018 interview. “We make the headlines only with blood. And not only here. No blood, no news. But the problem is not our resistance, it is their occupation. With no occupation, we wouldn't have rockets. We wouldn't have stones, Molotov cocktails, nothing. We would all have a normal life."

Throughout 2018 and 2019, Sinwar endorsed the large-scale nonviolent protests along the walls and fences of Gaza known as the Great March of Return. “We believe that if we have a way to potentially resolve the conflict without destruction, we’re O.K. with that,” Sinwar said at a rare news conference in 2018. “We would prefer to earn our rights by soft and peaceful means. But we understand that if we are not given those rights, we are entitled to earn them by resistance.”

Israel responded to the protests with the regular use of lethal force, killing 223 people and wounding more than 8,000 others. Israeli snipers later boasted about shooting dozens of protesters in the knee during the weekly Friday demonstrations. For many Palestinians these events reinforced the view that Israel’s policies cannot be changed by words.

Jeremy Scahill, On the Record with Hamas

#good read #long post

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monsterkong · 4 months ago

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mariacallous · 2 years ago

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A new deal struck on the U.S. debt ceiling stands to curb defense spending and cap important diplomatic initiatives aimed at countering China’s growing geopolitical influence, setting the stage for more political showdowns between Washington’s budget hawks and its China hawks.

The deal, brokered between U.S. President Joe Biden and Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, lifts the United States’ $31.4 trillion debt ceiling limit until the first quarter of 2025—after the next presidential election cycle—and caps nondefense spending in 2024 to 2023 levels. There aren’t budget caps after 2025, but there are nonenforceable spending level targets of just 1 percent increases in federal spending.

The agreement was struck after weeks of heated negotiations and political infighting within the Republican Party, where a wing of sudden budget hawks had been pushing for steeper federal spending cuts to begin cutting away at the ballooning federal debt, nearly one-quarter of which was accrued on former President Donald Trump’s watch. It passed the House on Wednesday night, and lawmakers expect it to pass through the Senate, with possible amendments, by the weekend.

While most Democrats and most Republicans in the House voted for the deal, it also stands to cut back key foreign aid and diplomatic initiatives and squeeze the massive defense budget at a time when prominent national security experts are urging greater spending on the military to counter China and continue supporting Ukraine in its war against Russia. Indeed, some Republican lawmakers have come out criticizing the deal, not because federal spending is too high, but rather because the Biden administration’s defense budget proposal is too low.

Some lawmakers and experts say the alternative of no deal to spend past the debt limit—meaning the United States defaulting on its obligations—could send massive shockwaves through the global economy and undermine U.S. standing abroad.

“The U.S. derives a lot of our power from being the world’s currency,” said Rep. Sara Jacobs, a Democratic member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee. Defaulting “could have huge implications for partners around the world, and also for how people view us and whether they really believe we are credible partners.”

The agreement also spares defense spending from the spending cap, dealing a blow to efforts by Democratic lawmakers to begin curbing what they see as a lopsided focus on defense spending and instead boost funding for diplomacy and development.

While the debt ceiling agreement outlines the broad contours of how much the federal government can spend, it will ultimately be up to Congress to dictate the details of what money is spent where, all within that cap, in the coming months. That will be hashed out in congressional appropriations committees. Twelve subcommittees oversee discretionary spending on different aspects of the federal budget, including one for Homeland Security, one for the State Department and foreign operations, one for agriculture and rural development, and more.

But a look at what Biden’s proposed budget for fiscal year 2024 was before this agreement was reached, compared to current fiscal 2023 levels, shows what programs likely won’t be getting the spending increases they had hoped for. The budget plan that Biden unveiled in March, which congressional Republicans derided as “dead on arrival,” included $400 million for a fund to counter China’s global activities, $2 billion for infrastructure projects around the world, and another $2 billion to boost Western investment in Indo-Pacific economies with an aim of countering Chinese coercion.

While that funding might be in jeopardy, China doesn’t face the same constraints. “If anything, they’re putting their foot on the gas,” said Bonnie Glick, a former deputy administrator of the United States Agency for International Development during the Trump administration. “So that puts us in a complicated position.”

Glick added that lawmakers are in a tough position trying to pay for counter-China programs while trying to rein in U.S. debt, which stands near $32 trillion. China owns more than $980 billion of that.

Other planned foreign policy spending initiatives that will likely be put on hold under the current debt ceiling deal from Biden’s fiscal 2024 request, compared to spending in prior years, include: A planned 77 percent increase, coming to a total of $1.7 billion, in support for European and Eurasian economies, with a focus on Ukraine and Moldova to counter Russia; a 69 percent increase in spending on global climate change and environmental protection initiatives, coming to $4.3 billion; a 20 percent increase on food security programs, coming to $1.2 billion, and an 11 percent increase on global health security, coming to $10.9 billion.

“I do have some concerns around what the cut to nondefense discretionary spending would mean for our foreign assistance,” said Jacobs. “But overall, the fact that we were able to reach a deal is really important for our national security.”

The U.S. military was spared from the largest cuts. The deal will lock in Biden’s request of $886 billion for defense that’s set to take effect at the beginning of the new fiscal year in October, a 3.3 percent increase, and a further 1 percent increase for 2025 that will bring the Pentagon’s budget to almost $900 billion.

But with inflation growing at a nearly 5 percent clip, defense hawks worry that the spending hike won’t be enough.

“There are going to be a couple of lost years, I think,” said Thomas Spoehr, a retired three-star Army general and the director of the Center for National Defense at the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank. “Everybody talks about how the Navy is too small. The Air Force is also too small in terms of fighters and how many aircraft they’re buying. 2024 and 2025 promise not to be able to make up any of that lost ground.”

Some defense experts likened the limited growth in defense spending to Obama-era sequestration that capped defense spending, something defense hawks say set back efforts to modernize U.S. military capabilities by years. While the Pentagon will have more time to plan for these spending limits than it did for sequestration, “the severe fiscal constraints will be apparent,” said Mark Cancian, an expert on defense issues with the Center for Strategic and International Studies think tank. “And that will change what the [Department of Defense] can do, the programs it can support, and the strategy.”

Notably, the debt ceiling deal ensured that spending to build up Ukraine and Taiwan’s militaries would come out of separate requests outside of the Pentagon’s base budget. This means that Congress could authorize increased spending for these two cases separately from the spending cap in emergency supplemental packages. But that also sets up new political battles over whether those supplemental funding provisions could be passed by budget hawks increasingly frustrated with McCarthy’s deal with Biden and what they see as unchecked government spending.

“Once you start opening the door and proposing a Ukraine supplemental, everyone in Congress will see that as a way to evade the caps,” said Spoehr.

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makeste · 2 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 340: Now Where Were We

Previously on BnHA: Deku and Iida were all “hey Mei, I know you don’t have a lot of spare time in between constantly launching yourself at people boob-first, and singlehandedly MacGuyvering U.A. into the fucking Death Star, but we were wondering if you could lend us a hand in fixing our costumes.” Mei was all, “sure thing, here’s an upgraded pair of Movie 1 Gloves for you, anyways off you go and have fun saving the world!” Mt. Lady was all, “can you kids keep a secret?? so uh, just between you and me, I’m not a real teacher, and I’m not actually sure what I’m doing here hanging out with you guys right now.” Class 1-A was all, “don’t worry, your secret is safe with us Mt. Lady, well anyways time to assemble our CLASS 1-A SEARCH SQUAD!” The chapter ended with A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE getting ready to DO and/or TALK about A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS. Classic cliffhanger ending. lol this chapter really did not hold up on a re-read. I’m so sorry BnHA 339. You meandered so that future chapters could hopefully get to the damn point already.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “time to reveal our shocking and completely unpredictable battle plan of splitting up all the villains for more easily digestible mini-boss battles, using our newly acquired trump card, the handy dandy U.A. traitor!” Aizawa is all, “[cracks knuckles] time to drop some motherfucking love and compassion onto my traumatized student in order to talk him into doing this INSANELY DANGEROUS TASK for us, except that somehow I manage to do it in a way that’s genuinely moving and heartfelt and somehow not manipulative at all lol.” Shinsou is all, “hello, it’s me, making my miraculous return after three whole years of plot inactivity, so anyway what have I missed.” Well shit. Glad I’m not the only one, Shinsou.

---

(just a handful of quick notes here since it’s been a while! (1) as always, these are my completely blind first-time-reading reactions to the chapter. (2) as of today, I am very much NOT caught up with the manga, but will keep you posted on my progress. currently I have read up to chapter 340, a.k.a. this chapter right here lol. and (3), I have been spoiled about one major thing (explained more in depth here) which will happen later in the series, and while there are no detailed references to said spoiler in this post, there ARE a couple of vague throwaway lines because I have absolutely no self-control. so just giving you guys a heads up for that! if you absolutely don’t want to risk getting spoiled, I would highly recommend catching up with the manga first before reading any further.

anyways, onward!)

OH MY GOSH IT’S SOME BUILDINGS!!!

WHAT A THRILLING WAY TO KICK OFF MY FIRST NEW CHAPTER OF BNHA IN ELEVEN MONTHS. TRULY HIT THE GROUND RUNNING

lol they literally just thumbtacked a handwritten “LOV/PLF COUNTER-FORCE HQ” sign on a wrinkled piece of paper next to the door. how far we have fallen from the days where the heroes were holding their war councils in huge NASA ground control rooms filled with hundreds of TV screens

okay good, at least they went out and recruited Hawks to be one of the people presumably planning this whole thing

one of only two people (the other being Momo) whom I actually trust to be able to come up with a reliably smart plan. fingers crossed this turns out better than his last big Ultimate Hero Final Battle Plan, though!

interesting! I assume they do still know about the whole Aoyama situation though, seeing as they even told Mt. flippin’ Lady lol

OH MY GOSH, RAGDOLL? heck yeah. great to see her finally back in the thick of things again. even if she can’t participate in the actual battle, she’s still a fucking hero goddammit

wow this entire next page sure is something

“every pre-cat-ion” breaking news, we’ve just been informed that there is a warrant out for Caleb Cook’s arrest

MEOW

MYEAH?

NOT YOU TOO, HAWKS

EVIL MEOW

I know that last part is just her randomly tacking her cute dattebayoisms onto the end of this entirely unrelated sentence, but unfortunately the damage has already been done. now all I can think about is the League of Villains out there rampaging in the streets and meowing menacingly at people

anyway, so on to the planning and stuff

lmao wait, what

DID YOU PAINT THESE BY HAND, ALL MIGHT?? DID YOU BUY THEM LAST MINUTE ON ETSY AND PAY A FORTUNE IN EXPEDITED SHIPPING. surely it must be the latter. but can you just imagine All Might sitting at his kitchen table at 3am, hand-painting a refrigerator magnet to look like an adorable chibified version of HIS MOST HATED ENEMY

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

I’m actually on the fence about this lol. I mean, it makes sense on paper. lord knows they had enough trouble taking on just one massively overpowered final villain, so who even knows what would happen if they added a second one to the mix

but the problem with the “just take them down separately” plan is that it means they’ll also have to split up their OWN forces, which are already heavily depleted. not to mention that the BnHA heroes are always at their best when they’re all fighting together. so anyways, yeah, I’m not too sure about this

so blah blah blah, Tomura is now stronger than crusty!potato!AFO, big surprise. and they’ve also figured out that the two AFOs can communicate with each other via radio waves or whatever. okay yeah, but doesn’t that mean that even if you do split them up, they’ll still have a big advantage? unless you figured out some way of jamming their telepathy somehow

“should they attack together, we have no hope of victory” lol if you say so. I’m pretty sure all of the U.A. kids combined with all of the remaining A-list heroes could hold their ground fairly well, but clearly I’m not supposed to be questioning the authority of this statement so ALL RIGHT THEN

OKAY BUT DOESN’T THIS JUST PROVE MY POINT THOUGH

“if they’re so powerful together then why didn’t they team up against S&S?” “because they definitely would have definitely lost.” ????????

anyway so now All Might is saying that they need to separate TomurAFO and Potato AFO (PotAFO, if you will) by at least 10km. so is that the max range of their telepathy or something then? that’s so oddly specific though

“oh and we also need to split up Dabi from them as well” ah okay lol, I see where this is going. it’s finally time for the final battle, meaning we need to assign each of the main characters to their personal final villain, yeah? great. awesome. except that they only JUST got reunited all together as a class again sob. you’re really going to do this to me again now?? just like that?? goddammit

LMAO I completely forgot that Nao’s right hand man is an actual literal fucking cat

oh my god. what I wouldn’t give to have seen his reaction to all of those puns and MEOW shenanigans from a few minutes earlier. just standing there in the corner with a disapproving frown. “I’ll have you know I find this all very demeaning and culturally insensitive” sorry about that Sansa

anyway so now All Might is all “YEAH EXACTLY, WE HAVE TO DIVIDE AND CONQUER ALL OF THE VILLAINS ONE ON ONE! WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SPENT ALL THAT TIME PAINSTAKINGLY BUILDING THEM UP FOR?? IT’S THE FINAL BATTLE FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE US DO, MAKESTE” okay okay fine I’ll shut up now, geez

oh shit lol

somehow I momentarily forgot all about Aoyama. possibly because I haven’t seen him in eleven months!! so this is where we’re finally going to get into the nitty gritty of that “let’s use Aoyama to set a trap” plan that Aizawa shamelessly stole from Kaminari all those moons ago

All Might is all “it’s actually pretty messed up of us to be using this poor boy when he’s already basically spent his entire life being exploited and manipulated by people” and he’s not wrong though, damn

but Nao is all “very true, but to be fair this is the literal apocalypse, and he did technically make his own bed, and also our backs are REALLY against the goddamn wall here,” which is also true. still leaning more toward All Might’s side in spite of that, though. poor Yuuga

OH SHIT, SPEAKING OF???

OH DANG

do they really have to keep him tied up like that?? he’s just a kid for fuck’s sake. and it’s not like they aren’t capable of handling things if he does try to escape, I mean this is Aoyama we’re talking about here, he’s not exactly an all-powerful criminal mastermind

man they both look so fucking sad. Yuuga looks so ashamed. this is every 1-A child’s worst fear. they can go toe to toe with the scariest villains out there and not be fazed. but a disappointed dad??? have mercy, sweet jesus

“so after going back and forth on it a bunch, we finally decided that he’s probably not going to blow up.” thanks for the update, doc. meanwhile I just had a completely unrelated thought about certain spoiler related things, oh fuck. but now is not the time to start speculating about that! not when we have the world’s saddest detention session unfolding right before our eyes

Aizawa Shouta is sitting here wearing an eyepatch and a hospital gown and probably hasn’t showered in like three days, and despite all this he is STILL somehow the hottest character in BnHA and it’s not even close

okay but there are like a thousand reasons why the threat of imminent murder would be infinitely more useful than an actual murder, though. like this doesn’t really make any sense. “why would AFO bother to threaten Aoyama if he could simply blow him up if and when he betrayed him?” uh, gee, maybe because he would much prefer if Aoyama didn’t actually betray him in the first place?? what, do you think U.A. traitors are so fucking easy to come by? in this economy??

awwww

I mean, of course he is? :( man, and now I’m wondering if there’s been a single day since his enrollment at U.A. that Aoyama has not spent being constantly terrified about a whole damn slew of things. this poor fucking kid. Horikoshi please be kind to him oh my god

oh my god, yes, exactly

he’s afraid that deep down he’s a bad person. he’s afraid that AFO will kill him. but interestingly, what he’s most afraid of, is BEING afraid. he’s afraid that if the others put their trust in him again, that when push comes to shove he’ll still be too cowardly to do what’s right

talk about ironic though. because to me, that’s a sentiment that basically confirms that he does have the heart of a hero deep down. I’m telling you guys, every single time you show me a character who is flawed and afraid, but is trying so hard to overcome their fears, and trying with all their might to become better, you will reel me in hook, line, and sinker every. single. time. seriously, how could you possibly not root for this kid now

OH MY GOD YUUGA NO

holy shit. hey Horikoshi, this is me, a certified angst-lover, asking you to tone it down just a little here, goddamn. yes we get it, he is tormented by years’ worth of accumulated fears and regrets and feelings of worthlessness and he doesn’t see any way that things can possibly get better, holy shit, we get it okay??? THIS IS MY FIRST CHAPTER IN ELEVEN MONTHS! THIS SHOULD BE AN OCCASION OF TRIUMPH, SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU OUT HERE MAKING ME CRY

HOLY SHIT

somehow I forgot just how utterly ruthless this man is capable of being for the sake of his students. this is a dude who literally expels kids on a regular basis just to put the fear of god into them. also he is seriously so goddamn hot. it’s straight up ridiculous

oh wow this whole page just came straight for my heart

Yuuga’s fear as he tries to talk himself into what he fully believes is a suicide mission. Aizawa’s blunt assessment of the heroes being no less ruthless than the villains when their backs are to the wall. but then the way he just HITS him with that “you’re still my student and I’m still your teacher” line, and how he says it with such finality. and then the face Aoyama makes in response!!

OKAY, WOW

ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS IS FAIR YOU KNOW!! YOU CAN’T JUST HIT ME WITH THIS BRUTALLY SIMPLE PANEL OF THE TWO OF THEM JUST SITTING THERE WITH ALL OF THE OTHER VISUALS STRIPPED AWAY SO THE FOCUS IS ENTIRELY JUST ON THEM, AND WITH THE WALL BETWEEN THEM ALSO SYMBOLICALLY REMOVED JUST LIKE THAT

AND YUUGA BEING SO SMALL. AND AIZAWA BEING SO STRONG AND SAFE AND STABLE AND FIRM, AND HIM HAVING SUCH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR HIS STUDENT DESPITE EVERYTHING. “FUCK THAT, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO AND I’M YOUR SENSEI AND THAT’S FINAL.” okay yep. tears coming now. thanks a lot, Horikoshi. wow. just wow

lol I truly believe that if Horikoshi ever did truly try to kill off one of the 1-A kids, Aizawa would literally come to life and emerge from the pages and straight up murder him

welp. there you have it. absolutely no room for argument there. SENSEI SAID YOU’RE GONNA LIVE, YUUGA, SO I GUESS YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!

fsdljkf

yep. that’s right. deal with it. dlfkj don’t mind me I’m just gonna sit here dissolving into sobs again

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WARM FOND EXPRESSION GODDAMMIT

I AM ALREADY A PILE OF MUSH, HOLY HECK!! CAN I LIVE. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME BE HERE ALREADY HOLY SHIT

wait what

uh. the path of “none of you problem children are allowed to die on my watch, are we fucking clear on that”? that path?? or the path of marching headfirst into very real danger because they have no other choice, because they’re one of the lynchpins in the heroes’ desperate plan? because that latter path is one that I’d prefer to have as few children walk as possible, ngl

-- OH MY GOD

“HELLO, SHINSOU HERE” UH, EXCUSE ME, MISTER, DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME? AFTER BEING MIA FOR LIKE A HUNDRED AND TWENTY CHAPTERS AND FOUR AND A HALF ARCS?? YOU’RE JUST GONNA HANG HERE FROM THIS FUCKING TREE ALL NONCHALANT, WITH YOUR FANCY NEW HERO COSTUME AND YOUR SPIDER-MAN POSE THAT YOU STRAIGHT UP RIPPED OFF FROM YOUR DAD?? WHILE SAID DAD SITS THERE CHUCKLING OVER HIS “NEVER FEAR, WE’RE TOTALLY PUTTING SHINSOU IN AMPLE DANGER AS WELL” REVEAL? “DON’T WORRY AOYAMA, WE’RE NOT JUST RISKING YOUR LIFE, WE’RE RISKING MULTIPLE CHILDREN’S LIVES, BUT WE’RE DOING IT ALL TOGETHER AS A FAMILY” truly the most heartwarming of sentiments lmao

well damn. that hype and anticipation is definitely starting to build now. I am so damn fearful for all of these fictional kids’ safety, especially now that I’m watching the War arc play out again in the anime and remembering just how brutal it was. but at the same time I can’t deny that I’m super excited to see the culmination of everything. like, this is IT, though. this is THE moment, THE battle. no more safety arcs. no more training. we are done holding back, and that is as terrifying as it is exhilarating. I am so not ready for any of this, but IT IS HAPPENING WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT, so I guess I’ll just do my best to enjoy the ride

-- oh and lastly, I almost forgot. before we wrap up, there’s just one last thing I wanted to add here...

so it begins.

#bnha 340 #aoyama yuuga #aizawa shouta #shinsou hitoshi #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #pleasantly surprised to see that tumblr's image limit is still generous enough to allow me to do my thing here #'preciate it tumblr

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saturniandevil · 2 years ago

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September 2022 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast’s September Forecast. Hosting is Chris Brennan, with regular guest Austin Coppock and special guest host Catherine Urban.

August mundane astrology The Mars-Uranus conjunction on August 1st-2nd ignited a number of global events. Chris connects this to the monkeypox pandemic, as a state of emergency was declared under this contact. In less dramatic events, Austin points out that in martial arts, matches kept ending early because of freak injuries during the early August fixed-sign T-square. In prominent nativities, when the FBI searched & sezied evidence from Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home, Mars was at 24 Taurus, right on his Midheaven/opposing his IC--his house was raided by armed agents & his reputation is being widely discussed again. Austin points out that the North Node connotes chaos and instability without necessarily knowing what the consequences are. Catherine points out that many kind of explosive events also happened as planets brushed by Algol. Saturn and Uranus will continue to impact events through the end of the year, as they’ll get close to conjunction distance again before the year is out.

Thankfully Mars is no longer in Taurus aggravating Saturn and Uranus, though now it’s in Gemini, we can prepare for his retrograde there. The shadow period actually began yesterday:

September 3rd - Mars rx shadow begins (diagram above) The degrees that Mars is passing through now will be revisited when he retrogrades through them, and again when he passes through them after stationing direct, so these are themes that will be following us through March. Any planets in Gemini will be feeling Mars contacts for about the next sixth months, and if you have Mars in Gemini this will likely be the longest Mars return of your life.

Mars in Gemini gives us sharp wits and sharper tongues. The first tweet was made under Mars in Gemini--aside from being a site of quips, it’s also a place where people tried new syntax without much fear. Mars in a Mercury sign has also corresponded to thieves for millennia--think agility! Mercury in Libra, however, wants to curate our words carefully and diplomatically, but opposing Jupiter in Aries and mischief-making Mars will bring us tension on that front.

September 5th - Venus enters Virgo She’s moving very quickly, but will spend most of this month in Virgo. Around the 15th she’ll (13♍) square Mars (13♊), around the 23rd she’ll (23♍) oppose Neptune (23♓), and early next month she’ll conjoin Mercury before he stations direct. Catherine compares Venus-Neptune contacts to a love potion, but with hard aspects we may be seeing what we want to see or overlooking red flags. Venus likes to open up and bring things together but Neptune has no boundaries at all--there’s a point where Venus needs to stop & keep the relationship working, whereas Neptune wants mythic self-annihilation and sacrifice. As a transit this gives us a pleasant check-out from reality--as long as we’re willing to come back. However, be wary of Venus in Virgo’s perfectionism: her weakness in this sign of her fall is that we can get caught on the one flawed detail and miss out on enjoying the rest. Mars in Gemini in the superior trine to her on the 15th will make our remarks especially cutting. There can also be some excitement in romantic relationships, though we can also get someone coming on too strong from this. How hot is too hot? A more positive side of Venus in earth sign is the importance of acts of service and helping others.

September 9th - Mercury stations retrograde in Libra Having already passed the shadow degree, he will regress back to 24 Virgo and straddle the Aries-Libra and Virgo-Pisces axes over the next few weeks. He starts out opposing Jupiter in Aries (exact September 2nd). Mercury-Jupiter contacts can traditionally indicate skilled orators attempting to bring about unity, but Mars sextiles Jupiter and trines Mercury, complicating matters. We cannot ignore the contentions--we’ll likely see a lot of attempts at diplomacy, but with varying results. However, when Mercury comes back to these degrees Mars will be further away, making mediation more viable.

In the relational sign of Libra we’re going to really learn lessons about communicating with others this month. If we think of Libra’s glyphs the scales, it’s a tool to calculate the value of items, and Libra’s urge to harmonize is a carefully calculated approach to making everyone get along. When Mercury regresses to Virgo he’ll be within opposition distance of Neptune in Pisces again, our desires to be clear, grounded, and factual will be challenged by Neptune’s impulse to nebulousness and urge to choose your own truth or reality. The end of September will be like attending a wedding where everyone’s speaking a fantasy language that you don’t understand. This also gives 6 planets total in retrograde (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Mercury): lots of do-overs and ruminating over things that are already on the table. We can tell events are significant, but we’re not able to make projections off of it yet.

September 10th - Full Moon in Pisces Here is the circle chart for the lunation:

The Moon is at 17Pisces, separating from a square to Mars (11♊) and an opposition with Venus (6♍), while approaching an exact conjunction with Neptune (24♓), highlighting the mutable sign activity we’ve been discussing. When Mars retrogrades in Gemini next month, Jupiter retrogrades in Pisces this fall, and Saturn ingresses into Pisces next March, we’ll likely see these themes pop up for the next few months. During this lunation, Jupiter and Neptune will be in contra-antiscia (equidistant from the equinox points 0♈/♎; likened to a conjunction) down to the minute, which may soften some of the Jupiter in Aries aggressiveness and lend some extra energy to Neptune. Big-picture compassion, love, and understanding are big themes here. Jupiter and Neptune have also been technically in out-of-sign conjunction all year (depending on the orb you use), and with Jupiter headed back to Neptune this fall, we can expect more indiscriminate altruism. Our hosts also connect this to the large number of spam accounts impersonating astrologers and other occult/spiritual figures on social media. This is a good time to relax with friends; don’t try too hard to be productive.

September 22nd - Sun enters Libra This will put the sun within opposition distance of Jupiter.

September 23rd - Sun-Mercury Cazimi, Mercury regresses into Virgo We’re still trying to keep everything in balance (see New Moon).

September 25th - New Moon in Libra Here is the circle chart:

This lunation also opposes Jupiter, although with the Sun and Moon together we’re really going to try for balance and cohesion. We’ll find ourselves going back and forth between seeking harmony and answering calls to action. Venus rules this New Moon, and she’s (23♍) very close to opposition with Neptune (25♓)--expect further broadening of our scope, and big sacrifices. Mercury is just a few days from stationing direct opposite Neptune as well, so it may be a good time to use our intuition & feel things out instead of relying on intellect. Austin adds that this is a good time to calibrate our scales, fine-tune the equations, and bring things into focus and alignment for the following weeks.

Late September: Saturn square Uranus (not pictured) It’s also worth noting that Saturn and Uranus will be a degree short of exact square to each other towards the end of the month and into October. Both planets are retrograde, their last hurrah of shaking up our lives before Saturn leaves the sign. There’s an eclipse in Taurus in November coming up which may light up the existing struggles we’ve seen from this aspect. Key mundane events related to this aspect are labor rights struggles, disruptions and shortages in food and energy, protests & the toppling of political fixtures we’ve taken for granted, and a higher concentration of extreme weather. Austin compares this to shaking up a game board: anything not glued down is going to shake off. Which foundations can withstand further stress-testing? Expect the rug to get pulled out from under you this fall. Natally, anyone with fixed sign emphasis will find change they’ve been avoiding thrust upon them, but once the structure has toppled we can build something even more durable.

September 29th - Venus enters Libra She’ll remain in this sign until October 23rd. She also enters the sign applying to an opposition to Jupiter (exact on October 1st). In domicile she’ll have more power to help keep the balance, but she’ll be combust (so close to the sun we can’t see her). This means it’ll be less extroverted than our usual expectation of the sign. However, there’s still good to be had, as Chris’s electional charts for the month both take advantage of this transit:

September 30th - first electional chart for the month

At about 6:27AM local time (😭), with 0Libra rising, but requires some precise timing. It should be done right as the Ascendant switches to Libra but before the Sun rises, so that the chart remains a night chart. Thus Venus on the Ascendant (and ascendant ruler) will be of the sect in favor, as well as dignified by sign, ameliorating some of the effects of being under the beams. The Moon in Sagittarius may be separating from applying to the benefics depending on your location. Good for Venus/Libra activities such as art or redecorating. Jupiter in the 7th house also brings good news for relationships.

September 30th - second electional chart

At about 12:25AM local time, you should have Cancer rising and Venus in the fourth whole sign house; try to adjust to have the Imum Coeli on Venus. The Moon is either applying to Venus or Jupiter, and either way in between benefics: moving from good to better. This could be a boon for home or living situations and the family, such as redecorating or ordering the supplies for it.

#astrology #forecast #transits #september 2022 #the astrology podcast #mars retrograde #mars in gemini #mercury retrograde #venus in virgo

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sunjaesol · 4 years ago

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the smile you gave me (it’s magic)

juke | meet-cute au | tw: alcohol + annoying men in bars | written for @alexjulies as we have the same headcanons about luke

What Julie Molina was about to do was horribly unfeminist and Flynn would hate her forever, but really, it was all the man’s fault - as usual.

She rejected his advances three times now in the last hour. The bartender gave her a drink on the man’s tab and she sent it back, the man brought it himself (introduced himself as Levi) and she politely declined once more. The third time he asked her to dance and then she fled to the bathroom. Julie wasn’t the biggest partygoer, occasionally joining Flynn for happy hour - like today. Her friend was late however, due to an emergency meeting at a magazine she worked at and Julie had to endure the bar alone. Grave mistake. She should’ve just waited at a McDonalds or something; even if she’d look out of place in her cocktail dress.

im there in 15!! hang in there <3 <3

Julie groaned. Great. Fifteen more minutes in a smelly bathroom stall as women outside were drunkenly crying in front of the mirrors and babbled about their own grievances regarding men. For such a universal problem, she had hoped all men would’ve taken the hint by now.

No, she didn’t want to dance. No, she didn’t want a drink. No, she wouldn’t give her number to someone that kept pushing and coming into her personal space. Levi could fuck off. It was bad enough how he had given her a suggestive once-over like he was deciding whether he wanted brunette or blonde tonight.

The reminder angered her, pushed her out of the stall with a scowl. Was she really going to let a dumb man (nay: boy) ruin her night before it even started? Her songwriting session with Hayley Williams had gone really well and she deserved to celebrate that! She deserved to end her day on a high note! A quick look in the mirror to assure her make-up hadn’t smudged, she marched out the bathroom back into the dimly lit bar.

Her eyes scanned the room, relieved to not catch Levi close-by. Did he give up and leave? Was he cornering another girl? Whatever. As long as he wasn’t bothering her, she’d be able to breathe and maybe forget about the altercation.

If he did bother her again, she’d use her privilege as a girl and yell at the top of her lungs that he was harassing her. Surely then security would kick him out, right?

Over by the bartop was clamour, two men pulling each other into a laughing embrace as one hauled their backpack over their shoulder as the other dropped it. Changing shifts, Julie noted, halting on the man that had arrived. Well then. The theory that bars only hired attractive people seemed to be correct, the guy straight from a CW show. Mussed up brown hair, sharp features, big eyes, cute smile. A ten out of ten.

He shrugged his red shacket off, fully black outfit beneath and began washing off discarded glasses. His muscular arms made her throat dry up; he wasn’t attractive, he was hot.

(Oh God. Was she just as bad as Levi, gawking over a stranger? But wasn’t part of his job that girls were supposed to gawk over him? More tips and all that? Julie decided she shouldn’t feel too guilty.)

Her feet moved on their own accord towards the bar, sliding into a leather high stool and wondering what she’d order as she waited for any of the bartenders (him?) to approach her.

Luck was on her side, the new bartender pressing his hands into the counter, brows raised expectantly. “What can I get you?”

Her lips tutted, debating between a margarita and a strawberry mojito. Both were appealing and at a marginally low price. “What’s better?”, she asked. “Margarita or mojito? Honestly.”

He grinned. “Honestly?”

“Yeah.” She crossed her arms atop the counter, a brush away from his hands. “I’ve bartended before. I know you have to lie a little.”

His muscle tee shifted around as he chuckled, slivers of tattoos peeking through on his chest. Her eyes averted, hoping she was a bit more subtle than she felt, and kept them trained on the stacks of whiskey in the glass rack.

His fingers drummed on the wood. “The mojito, then.” Leaning in as if imparting a secret, he added: “We’ve been buying the cheaper tequila. Gotta pay those bills.”

Satisfied at his reply, she gave him a pleased nod. “Okay. A mojito, please.”

He pushed himself off with a click of the tongue, as if he auctioned her something, and turned to grab the ingredients. As he poured the rum into a tall glass, he fell into casual conversation she was all too familiar with.

“You here alone?”

“Waiting on a friend.” Eager to distract herself from the reason why she waiting, and what caused her to wait in a fucking bathroom, she asked: “What’s the tattoo?”

The bartender paused for a beat, as if momentarily forgetting he was inked up, and then tugged his shirt out the way to showcase more skin. Had she not been so curious, she’d focus on the fact that he was defined as hell. The tattoo was a detailed sun with an ocean wave drawn inside. More uncovered: a play and pause button, ‘now or never’, a stick and poke tattoo of a lightning bolt. It was as if she herself doodled onto her skin and then left it there, but it somehow worked. It was personal. Maybe she was also a bit intrigued since he seemed especially interested by music. Granted, it was LA. Everyone was some type of artist with varying degrees of success. Still - she was curious.

“They’re cool,” she complimented, him going back to making her drink with an appreciative grin.

“Thanks.”

“Was the lightning bolt a drunk decision?”, she teased. The only instance someone got a stick and poke tattoo was when they felt chaotic or impulsive.

His grin widened, throwing crushed ice in the glass. “That obvious? Yeah, me and my boys all got one. This whole idea of-” He waved his hands around, trying to find the right words. “-bonding us together for life, I guess.”

Warmth thudded in her chest at his story, endeared by the way his voice became lighter when he talked about his friends. They must be like brothers to him.

As he placed the completed drink in front of her, she contemplated her answer. She’d rather keep talking to him than wait for Flynn in silence. “That’s nice. Having friends like that, it’s special.” Twisting her wrist, she showed her own tattoo. “I got this one when I turned eighteen.”

They were two, small butterflies dancing on the inside of her forearm. When her mother passed away, she always knew she’d get something to commemorate her. Doodles of butterflies marked her skin in high school, finally becoming permanent when she was allowed to. Knowing everyone inevitably asked about the why, she continued talking.

“It’s, you know, it’s about metamorphosis and beauty and transcendence and I just-” She caught herself before blabbing her sob story to a stranger. With a chuckle, she muttered: “It’s a reminder that change is good.”

When Julie looked up at him, she was struck by the wonder on his face. He didn’t look as confident as he did before, probably taken aback by her sudden spiritual spiel about butterflies - or by her, in general. The thought let a quiet thrill course through her.

He snapped out of it, a smirk falling on his lips as his nail chimed against the glass. “It’s on me.”

“Is that a move?” Her head tilted, amused.

“You want me to lie or be honest?” The man leaned across the counter again, much closer this time. “Cool tattoo, by the way.”

She laughed, biting back a silly grin from blooming. This was his job, she reminded herself. Act all cute and get her to buy more drinks so that eventually, her tab would be enormous. It was like winning once at a game of poker and then becoming cocky.

Coy, she ripped her gaze from his and sipped on her drink. She’d let him simmer for a bit.

That was when it happened. Her unfeminist deed that would make Gloria Steinem shudder. Levi, the devil reincarnated, shot her a smug look from the other side of the bar. Swerving past people to the beat of the music, he tried approaching her again.

Julie groaned behind her glass, her good mood instantly shattered once more. Why couldn’t this idiot take a fucking hint?!

“Damn,” bartender mused, “I thought my mojito skills were good.”

The brash words tumbled out at a rapid pace, her need for a solution trumping her pride. “There’s a guy coming onto me right now and you need to help me ward him off. Please.”

He grimaced. “Yeesh. Ex-boyfriend?”

“Worse,” she bit. “A fool.”

A stressed smile pinned itself on her cheeks as Levi sidled beside her, one arm bracketing her left. Her back tensed as she shot a quick, pleading look at the bartender. He zeroed in on Levi, mouth curled downwards.

“There you are,” Levi grinned. “Thought you left.”

Julie didn’t entertain him anymore. “I’ve told you. I’m not interested.”

He dismissed her. “I see you got yourself a drink? What is it?”

“I’m not interested,” she snapped, eyes flickering once more to the bartender. Was he really not going to help her?

It spurred him into action, his arm reaching over to create a barrier between Levi and her. “Dude, you heard her. Back off.”

Levi snarled. “Can you not? This is between me and her.”

“No, actually,” he exclaimed, blunt. “I’m her boyfriend.”

Her vigilance got her acting swiftly, shifting her expression into a believable nod and placing a hand on his outstretched arm.

“He is?” Levi was gobsmacked, a hint of anger lacing his voice.

“Yeah,” Julie bit, silently thanking him when he played along and enveloped her hand with his. Her final strike spit his venom right back in his face. “So can you just leave us alone?”

The man rolled his eyes with a scoff, kicking one of the stools and mumbling a string of curses. “Bullshit…”

When he was out of sight again, having stormed off like a petulant child to a shadowy corner, Julie let out breath of relief. “Finally!” Shooting the bartender a bright smile, she kept babbling. “You have no idea how annoying that is. And smart idea - the boyfriend card always works!”

He squeezed her hand, worried. “You sure you’re okay? That was fucked up.”

“Yeah…” She trailed off, the soft touch reminding her of his words from before. Squeezing back, she watched as the pinch between his brows vanished. “I’m okay.”

They kept their stare for a beat, the revolving pop music and excited chatter merely background noise. Neither have let go of their hold on each other. She didn’t want to either; his hand was warm and gentle and a calloused thumb absentmindedly caressed her skin. Levi should learn from this.

Sometimes, a connection just happened.

He let go first, collecting himself into a casual stance that was far more amusing than it should be. Ducking beneath the bar and grabbing a beer, he tapped it against her glass with a cocky nod. “My name’s Luke.”

Julie matched his expression. Luke. Luke, the bartender. It fit him perfectly. “I’m Julie. Are you supposed to be drinking on the clock?”

“I work in a bar,” Luke deadpanned. “It’s expected. And I’m sure Jack can handle it.”

“Why would he have to serve alone?” she inquired teasingly, eyes glimmering with challenge. If there was one thing she loved, it was getting the upper hand in a fun game of flirting.

He lifted his bottle with a wink. “I’m drinking with you.” A pause, his gaze matching her intensity. Damn. He was a good opponent. “Unless you want me to go?”

She shook her head, took a sip from the mojito and wiggled her brows. “Cheers to warding off annoying men, fake boyfriend.”

“I better get some good karma from this,” he joked. “Cheers!”

(Later that night, she’d realise Flynn never came by. When she asked what happened, Flynn told her she had walked in and saw Julie completely wrapped up in a conversation ‘with that cute bartender’ and left. The joyous announcement that Julie got his number made her friend screech over the phone.

Julie went back to the bar many times. Drinking and talking bled until deep in the night, once till closing time and then he walked her to her apartment. He didn’t resist when she kissed him, his lips kissing back with hunger.

It didn’t take long for the ‘fake’ to be scrapped from that label.)

🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸

@blush-and-books @willexx @bluefirewrites @ourstarscollided

#as an apology for last night's angst #here's something lighter lmao #juke #jatp fanfiction #julie and the phantoms #otp: i think we make each other better

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newbeginningsforever · 5 years ago

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UPDATED: An Extremely Thorough Analysis of Episode 9 - Adrian’s Story

@espanholina asked me to rewatch the show and re-evaluate what really happened between Takka, Sumi, and Adrian. This is about the sex/non-con scenes in Episode 9.

UPDATED: My theory here is confirmed to be correct by the director, Sam Deats. He said this in a Twitter post.

(On a completely unprofessional and inappropriate note, doesn’t Adrian look just positively glorious in orgasm? Wow...)

**TRIGGER WARNING FOR NON-CON/SEX AND SPOILERS**

(Rewatching Season 3)

Let me preface this by saying that I am a bisexual person and I have experienced both consensual sex and non-consensual sexual situations (with men and women) in my life. I’m also the same age as Adrian would be and I have the same personality type. Okay, analysis time…

These are my opinions about what Adrian is thinking and feeling during the controversial sexual scene:

First, let’s look at the meaning of rape in terms of deception (which is the only type of rape that might apply here): “Rape by deception is a situation in which the perpetrator obtains the victim's agreement to engage in sexual intercourse or other sex acts, but gains it by deception or false statements or actions.” To be honest, I had no idea this is technically rape until today. It means tricking someone into sex, basically, even if they want to have sex. So basically, Adrian is giving consent, but because he was deceived in order to give consent, it is a form of rape. That being rape by deception. This is very interesting. A lot of characters in TV shows are rapists then if you really think about it. For some examples: Chandler and Joey from Friends would both be rapists because they assume false identities and use fake names to sleep with women, Saul Goodman from Better Call Saul would also be a rapist because of deceptions in order to get sex, Don from Mad Men, etc. Really, if we think about the story, their deception started long before the sex scene and continued throughout because they came to murder him and just used sex as a ploy to get him in a vulnerable position. They knew Adrian is extremely lonely (and horny, oops sorry) and used that to their advantage. I think they knew Adrian would consent and that’s why they came up with the plan.

Detailed scene analysis: Adrian can’t sleep. When Takka and Sumi enter, he looks a little surprised and concerned. He asks what is wrong. Sumi and Takka conceal their blades and consecrated handcuffs behind their backs and drop them on both sides of the bed out of view of the camera. Alucard doesn’t notice. When they put their hands on his chest and say “You’ve been so alone,” he visibly blushes. I didn’t actually notice that until the second time. I rewatched this part a lot to try and gauge his emotion - in my opinion, it’s pleasant surprise and mild shock. He looks possibly hopeful and unsure about what is happening.

When Sumi says that it’s time for his reward, Adrian’s eyes quiver and he breathes shakily, his mouth agape when they push him down onto the bed. When Sumi kisses him, and he’s shocked at first, but then he reciprocates. He’s still shocked afterward, clear by his expression and wide eyes. When Takka strokes his cheek and leans closer, Adrian actually rises up to kiss Takka. Adrian initiated the kiss with Takka and he pulls him closer right away - there is clearly (uninformed) consent and initiation at this point on Alucard’s side for Takka. I don’t understand why Adrian would actually lift himself up and initiate the kiss with Takka if he didn’t want anything sexual/romantic to happen. If someone has a different opinion about that please let me know what you are thinking.

Is it possible he simply wanted to please? I mean, that’s possible, but Takka and Sumi came into the room by saying that “it’s time for his reward”. If he didn’t want to be doing this, would he really be initiating a kiss with Takka and pulling him in close? I don’t think so. I think Adrian is definitely bisexual and I think this was his first kiss with a man (maybe with anyone). I definitely think he’s a virgin because he’s so young and so socially isolated. Throughout this scene, Alucard’s (uniformed) consent is up to interpretation because he never stops them or protests, and yet we cannot know what he is thinking at all. The expressions of ecstasy and agony/discomfort are almost the same for many people, so it’s hard to say. Also, it’s safe to say that Alucard’s not experienced with sex or with anyone being close to him, so he could be consenting and shocked/nervous at the same time. I think Adrian is so desperate for affection, sex, and love that even though he might not feel entirely comfortable, he still wants it to continue. He wants friends, he wants to be fucked and cared for like most of us do. It seems, in the next scene clip, that Adrian is holding Takka’s waist while Takka does something - not really sure what, probably gives him a handjob. Sumi takes off his nightgown and Takka gives him a kiss. Adrian’s eyes widen in response. Sumi kisses him while topless, and his eyes are still wide with his eyebrows drawn up. This could be shock or possibly discomfort, more likely shock. When Sumi comes closer, his eyes return to normal and we see him grab Sumi’s ass and pull her towards him. Then, Adrian kisses her neck and fondles her naked breast. So, he seemed shocked at first, but then definitely consenting (by manipulation of course). I think the shock here is probably because of three things: he didn’t expect this sudden three-way sex, he’s a virgin, and he didn’t think that two people would want to have sex with him. Most people think he’s a monster, after all. He pulled her closer and initiated this foreplay, so I think he did want to do this (of course, I’m not in his head, so I can’t say for sure - this is just my best guess). I think his loneliness, horniness, and affection for his new friends is trumping any discomfort. That’s my opinion based on his personality and life story.

Adrian, Takka, and Sumi are naked together. Adrian has his arm wrapped around both of them. Adrian kisses Sumi while Takka kisses his neck and gives him a handjob. Takka kisses down Adrian’s stomach down to his cock. The camera pans to Adrian’s face and he’s hard to read. He basically is blushing, but otherwise emotionless, and then he cries suddenly. (The first time I 100% thought that this was because he felt amazing, and he was so grateful and contented to finally be receiving the pleasure and affection he deserves - I still think that might be the case here)

UPDATE: I was right, and his crying is confirmed by the director to be tears of joy.

I watched it a couple of times. It’s certianly possible that he’s uncomfortable/scared/afraid/freaked out, but I still would guess that he’s crying because it’s feeling really amazing and healing for him. Having sex for the first time (if not all the time) is very emotional for us INTJs (Adrian and my personality type) because we rarely let ourselves be vulnerable around others. We’re not used to being close or connected to other people, and we are often lonely, so sex can be totally overwhelming for us. It can also be a weapon used against us (like it is here) because we are usually so lonely and longing for affection. I think Adrian is taking what he can get. I definitely think he wants this here, but that’s up to debate.

Next clip: It looks like Takka and Sumi are taking turns going down on Adrian (giving him head). He is shaking visibly and his expression is strained. Now, I’ll be honest this doesn’t seem out of place in a sex scene, especially for the first time. (TMI= The first time someone went down on me I think I had a similar expression - it’s kinda nervewracking to be so vulnerable. Also, having two people go down on you at once? That’s got to be nervewracking, hence the shaking) Takka kisses down Adrian’s inner thigh and goes down. He seems to be rimming Adrian (licking his asshole) in the next scene, while Sumi gives him a handjob. Their expressions are starting to get progressively creepier. But Adrian is too caught up in pleasure to notice, I think. Adrian seems absolutely overwhelmed with pleasure in the next shot, breathing heavily - I think he’s about to orgasm. Takka lifts Adrian’s leg up, presumably so he can penetrate Adrian. He seems to enter Adrian in the next shot, but it’s off-screen. Sumi gets on top of him and pins down his arms, possibly having intercourse with him at this point. It’s not very clear. Anyway, they’re having sex/raping him.

Final clip: Adrian is gasping, flushed, and coming down off his orgasm. Takka nods to Sumi that it’s time to kill Adrian. Adrian looks to see what they are doing but it’s too late. It takes him a moment to understand that they’re trying to murder him. (I’m going to cry again, oh my sweet Adrian! I’m so sorry baby you didn’t deserve this at all)

They betray him. Adrian closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see them die. He turns away.

Adrian whispers finally, “I never lied to you.”

\\author’s side note\\ YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLES I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU FUCKING BITCHES HE TRUSTED YOU AND YOU ARE RUINING HIS LIFE YOU DICKS HE DIDNT DESERVE THAT GO BURN IN HELL AND TAKE DRACULA AND LISAS PLACE YOU FUCKERS.

So, anyway, my final opinion is that Adrian is giving consent, but it is not informed consent (because Takka and Sumi are deceiving him), and therefore, it is rape. If you want the specific term it’s rape by deception. They lied about being his friends and allies, so they deceived his trust, given that their true intention was to murder him.

{Sam Deats has confirmed this theory on Twitter. Thanks to all of you who supported me on this.}

He deserved better.

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sexyglances · 4 years ago

Text

Here's Tian's birthday fic, ok! You can either read it on ao3 or the full ~2k words are under the cut.

-----

Tian woke up on his back as a ray of sunshine slipped through the gap between slats of bamboo and struck his eyes. He rarely put his eye mask on at night these days, preferring to wake up earlier in the mornings so he could spend the first part of the day with Phupha rather than staying in bed alone. This change in habit, however, didn't automatically turn him into a morning person by nature, so Tian kept his eyes shut, as if keeping them closed meant he could preserve that sleepy sweet feeling for a bit longer. His effort was futile though, as he could feel more than just the sun trained on his face. "Chief," Tian smiled, eyes still closed, "I know you're looking at me."

Tian heard a small chuckle to his right and felt Phupha's breath tease his ear. "Good morning." Phupha said, voice filled with endearment, "and happy birthday, Tian." Then he leaned in and pecked Tian's cheek and whispered, "I'm so happy you're here."

Tian turned his head towards Phupha and opened his eyes. Phupha was lying on his side facing Tian, head resting in the cradle of his elbow. "Chief--" Tian said. Tian wanted to tell Phupha to stop, that he didn't need to say these things to him anymore, that it's been long enough that the gratitude should have worn off by now, that their devotion could remain unspoken. But Tian couldn't say those things because his chest still got heavy and his heart still swelled every morning when he could look over and see Phupha looking back at him with so much tenderness in his eyes. Instead, he settled with a, "Me too," and returned the peck on Phupha's cheek. He went to pull away, but before he could do so, Phupha had turned his head just enough so that their lips met so they could properly kiss. Phupha nudged closer, trying to deepen the kiss, but Tian pulled back and placed his hand softly on Phupha's chest to stop him. "Hey. We haven't even brushed our teeth yet this morning." Judging by the way he raised his eyebrows, Phupha did not think this was a good enough excuse to stop. They gazed at each other for a few seconds, the atmosphere charging up between them, on the brink of something unstoppable, until Tian popped the bubble and said, "And I have class this morning in a little bit."

That declaration worked and Phupha dropped his eyes. "Right," Phupha said with a tinge of disappointment in his voice, "You have school today." Before Tian could say anything else about continuing this quote-unquote discussion later, Phupha changed the topic and asked, "Are you thirsty?" Without waiting for an answer, he got up, went to the sink, and brought back two ceramic cups of water. Tian pushed himself up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed into a sitting position. Phupha handed him a cup and sat down on the bed next to Tian.

These cups were new to Tian, different from the dented tin cups they usually used in the bedroom for utility. The cup Tian held was thick and rounded with a glossy finish and felt hefty in Tian's hand. Beneath the shiny glaze was an intricate, colorful design of green tea leaves and stems intertwining alongside cream-colored depictions of blooming oolong tea flowers flowers with bright yellow centers. Tian turned the cup around in his hand, studying its design until he saw the design break to encircle an inscription written with delicate writing in a burgundy color. "Oh, what's this?" Tian asked as his fingers traced the wording that read "for the colorful philosopher."

Phupha responded, "It's my present for you. It's not much but--"

Before Phupha could finish his sentence Tian said, "Chief, I told you I didn't need any presents this year." He leaned his head on Phupha's shoulder. "Just being here is enough."

Phupha leaned his head on top of Tian's and breathed in. Phupha was still not sure how he got so lucky. How his life changed so fantastically and dynamically from a life that he never disliked, but was one he now realized was fine--but just fine, nothing more than fine. His old life felt rote and mundane and empty compared to his new life with Tian. And a new life is what it was. How could it not feel new when everything felt effervescent and full and colorful in a way he had never experienced before. Phupha had always been prone to noticing the tiniest details of things, but what surprised him in the most unexpected way was how much joy he could get out of those tiny details. How love had transformed those tiny details into something that encapsulated his entire existence with warmth and vigor and gratification to be alive. "I know," Phupha responded, "but I still wanted to get you something. It's not much, but it represents us." Phupha held up his own cup to show Tian. "Look, I have one, too."

Tian switched the cups in their hands. He read Phupha's cup aloud, "For the giant green mountain." A tear pricked the corner of Tian's eye. It was too early for such sentimentality. He had just woken up and Phupha was already flooding Tian with feelings of affection. And he hadn't even stood up for the damn day yet. Tian had been given plenty of birthday gifts in the past, but never anything where someone spent more on the care and personal details involved than they spent with their money. Tian stared at the cups some more. "Where did you get these?" Tian asked.

"I went to a ceramic shop a few months ago in Chiang Mai and special ordered them," Phupha answered matter-of-factly, as if planning and designing and ordering a gift months in advance was an ordinary, everyday gesture and not a remarkable act of romanticism at all.

Tian set the cup he was holding down on the floor. "Chief," Tian said with a slight tremble in his voice. He pulled Phupha into a hug, "Thank you." Tian didn't have the words to convey everything he meant, all the gratitude he had for his life in Pha Pun Dao, for his chief, for this love they shared, but he hoped that the hug could relay a fraction of what he was feeling. Phupha hugged back tightly as if he was trying to reciprocate all his feelings back to Tian.

They pulled apart and Phupha exhaled before placing a hand on Tian's knee. "Come on, we have to get you to school."

-----

As Tian and Phupha walked into the school, it was already bustling. The kids were there, uncharacteristically early and they were busy hanging up homemade decorations with Yod and Rang's help.

"Ah, what's all this?" Tian asked with surprise in his voice.

Everyone turned around and in an out-of-unison cacophony of voices yelled different variations of happy birthday, addressing him by "Tian," "teacher," and "P'Seetian" accordingly. Khounueng and Kalae ran up to him and pointed at a cake on the table.

"Look what we made!" exclaimed Khounueng, and then he stuck a party blower in his mouth and blew it in Tian's face.

"Yeah!" Ayi yelled from across the room, "we picked the strawberries ourselves and decorated with them and everything!"

"We'll get to eat it soon, right?" Kalae asked as he shoved an extra strawberry into his mouth.

Before Tian could answer, Inta and Meejoo grabbed each of Tian's hands and pulled him to the front of the classroom. We made you a birthday crown, too!" said lnta as she picked up and waved a crown of tea leaves woven together in a circle studded with pink and yellow frangipani flowers and white jasmine buds.

"Put it on," Meejoo begged. "it's so pretty. She held up a second matching crown, "We made one for Torfun's birthday, too."

Tian looked at Phupha and they shared a meaningful look. Torfun was still a part of Pha Pun Dao, and even though she was gone, she was unforgettable. It was only because of her that Tian could experience all this joyfulness that surrounded him. Tian couldn't say that out loud of course, it would be too much for today, so instead he said, "Ooh, you're right, they are pretty. Let's take this to her memorial place in the afternoon." He patted Meejoo's hair. "Now who wants to help me cut the cake?"

But before Tian could move to the cake, Phupha cut in and asked, "Aren't you forgetting something?" He grinned fully as he took one of the flower crowns from Inta and placed it on Tian's head. "How could we celebrate the prince's birthday without his special crown?" Tian rolled his eyes. Of course Phupha would call him a prince on today of all days. But there was no bite behind Phupha's words, the words were just playful teasing and Tian knew that.

Tian had many birthday parties in his life. They were usually lavish and full of expensive decorations and even more expensive gifts. People dressed up and schmoozed at his parties, using them as a time to network and one-up each other, caught up in a lifestyle where status trumped everything else. The parties were simply an excuse for people--himself included--to show off. His mom would call him a prince for the day and Tian would go with it, letting himself give into the fantasy. And even though he had always made sure to have fun, indulging in alcohol and whatever wild dares the night brought him, looking back on them now, the memories felt hollow. As if he had been living in a bizarre lucid dream that he's woken up from and it was only now that everything actually felt real.

Tian challenged Phupha back with a smile of his own, "If I'm a prince, then what does that make you, Chief?"

Nam's voice came from the doorway, "Why, that makes him your chief prince of course." Tian and Phupha turned toward him as he walked into the building with Longtae trailing just behind.

"Sorry we're late," Longtae said, and gestured towards Nam, "he had to pick me up from the train station and it didn't come on time."

"You're here, too?" Tian asked.

"Of course I am, P'" Longtae said. "It's a special day." He looked up at Tian's crown and smiled. "I had to come take pictures." As Longtae said that, he held up his camera and snapped a photo.

"Oh, oh, oh," Nam cut in, "Don't you think you should get a picture of the prince and the chief prince together?" He took the other flower crown from Meejoo, and as he placed it on Phupha's head, he winked and said, "I'm sure Torfun wouldn't mind if you borrowed this for a few minutes."

Before Phupha had a chance to object, Tian interlocked his arm with Phupha's and looked at him with soft eyes. "We should get a picture together today, don't you think?" And with that, Tian turned to pose for the camera.

-----

Two weeks later an envelope addressed from Longtae back at school showed up in the mail for Tian. Inside was a packet of pictures from Tian's birthday. The first photo on top of the stack was a shot of Tian and Phupha, both wearing the flower crowns, and their arms interlocked, smiling for the camera.

The second picture in the stack was a more candid shot and was taken from closer up. The half-eaten birthday cake peeking in at the edge of the frame indicated it was a photo taken later in the celebration. Tian and Phupha were sitting down at the long school table, Tian's hand on Phupha's shoulder, Phupha's arm slung around Tian's waist. They were still wearing the flower crowns, but this time they were looking at each other, heads bent together, eyes sparkling, and laughing, as if they were unified in their own private world.

It was that second photograph that Tian had plucked from the stack to save. He had stuck it onto the corner of the bulletin board in their room so he could see it everyday before he left for the day. The photo represented something intangible. All he knew was that he couldn't look at it without feeling warmth radiate from within himself. It was a feeling so precious, he resolved to never let it go.

#a tale of a thousand stars #1000 stars #fic #my fic #i made this dumb thing #i can't believe i made it to 2k words #i almost gave up at 650 words tbh #anyway i hope my audience of 4 (generous) enjoys the agony i put into writing this! 🙃#and hey! i finally set up an ao3 account so that's something

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kumeko · 4 years ago

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A/N: For Golden Dearest, a Claudeleth Zine! I wanted to do a little Claude pining for my piece.

…

A chilly breeze wafted through the royal library, carrying with it the warm scent of spice and roasted meat. Nose in his book, Claude stared blankly at the page for a long moment as he registered the new smells, the sensation of cold wind blowing through his hair. His nose twitched. Looking up, he was taken aback by how dark it was in the library. Outside, strings of lanterns lit up the street markets, their glow barely visible from the library’s windows. The smells were both familiar and strange; it had been too long since he’d eaten proper Almyran food and the thought of it made him homesick. Even though he was home now, it would take some time for his body to adjust.

“It’s that late already?” Claude murmured, setting down his book and pinching the top of his nose. On the table in front of him, several books lay open, their contents barely touched. Beside them were several letters from Byleth, the latest one still waiting for a response. When he had come back to Almyra, he had known it would be a long, hard climb to the top.

What he hadn’t expected was the amount of studying he’d have to do. It felt like he spent more time here learning than he’d ever done at the academy. The politics in the region had changed in the years he’d spent abroad, each alteration transforming other smaller areas. Politics was about dealing with those webs of connections. It was what made it exciting.

It was also what made it exhausting.

Once more, a cool wind ruffled his hair and despite himself, Claude shivered. The nights in the Almyran main castle were nothing at all like its days, the warmth of the sun long gone once the moon showed its face. His stomach rumbled and he chuckled. “Alright, alright, I get it. Time for a break.”

No one replied as he got up, his chair scraping on the wooden floor. There were no “Finally! I wonder what’s in the kitchen?” from Raphael, no stony glares from Lysithea as she tried and failed to concentrate, no smug smirks from Lorenz as he got up a second later. No, here there was only silence. Not even the servants wanted to be seen with the outcast from Fódlan.

Claude had expected as much when he’d made his decision. And yet…stuttering Marianne, more comfortable with horses than people. Ignatz and his secret paintings. Leonie, willing to challenge anyone, anytime. Hilda and her many schemes that miraculously kept her from doing any work.

Byleth. His throat caught at that last one, at that last memory. The late nights they’d spend in the library, plotting out the course of the war. As skilled as she was at war, she was less proficient with long-term strategies. More often than not, he’d look up from his notes to find her fast asleep on his right, her breathing shallow, ink smudging her cheeks.

The seat on his right was empty now. The library was empty. They were all in Fódlan, and he was here in Almyra. Seven years ago, he had left behind everything and everyone he’d known for a brand-new world.

Somehow, the journey back was even harder than he’d planned.

-x-

“Khalid.”

It took Claude five seconds to realize that Nader was talking to him. Chuckling, he released his notched arrow, striking his target slightly off-centre. Done with practice for the day, he slung his bow over his shoulder and turned around. “Ha ha, I have to get used to hearing that, don’t I?”

Standing behind him, Nadar guffawed. “Don’t let your mother hear that. She picked your name, after all.”

Despite the hot, afternoon sun, Claude shivered. He’d seen enough destruction left in his mother’s wake to know what that entailed. “I have enough of a challenge without the demon chasing me.”

“Don’t let her hear that either.” Coming closer now, he ruffled Claude’s hair affectionately. No matter how much he’d grown, Claude felt like a child at that touch. Nader’s hand was always impossibly big and warm. “Are you missing all of your targets now, or just that one?”

“Can’t get perfect all the time, you never know who’s watching.” Ducking away from Nader’s reach, he patted his disarrayed hair back into place. “It takes a lot of skill to purposely miss. Even more than it takes to reach the center.”

Nader’s brow rose. “Does it now?”

“It does.” Claude rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “I don’t think you came all the way to the training grounds to discuss my archery?”

Nader chuckled once more. “No, but maybe I should consider it.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a thin letter. “This arrived this morning, for you. I made sure to take it before any of your siblings spotted it.”

Claude tried not to smile too much as he took it. “Thanks.”

As expected, the writing on the front was in Byleth’s hand. For a second, he traced out his name on the letter, his finger hovering over the dried ink. It was a good thing they were alone out here. He could feel his expression softening automatically. It had been too long since her last letter. Carefully, reverently, he tucked it into his shirt.

“You’re not going to read it?” Nader asked, surprised. The older man stroked his ragged beard. “I thought you’d tear it open immediately.”

“Oh?” Claude smirked suggestively, leaning closer to his former teacher. “Are you that curious about my love life? I didn’t think you were that kind of person, Nader. I mean, I thought it’d be better to read this in private—don’t want anyone to get too hot and bothered by it, but if you want to hear all the sordid details…” He trailed off meaningfully and winked.

“You certainly have grown.” Nader guffawed once more, his laugh like a bear’s grunt, before wrapping an arm around Claude’s shoulders and squeezing him tight. “I’ll leave you alone. Got enough saucy tales of my own without adding yours to it.”

-x-

“What do you want?” Direct as ever, his half-sister reclined regally on her plush seat and regarded him. A perfectly arched brow rose and she crossed her legs. “Well?”

“What makes you think I want anything?” Claude replied, an easy smile on his face. His hands were clasped behind his erect back, his shoulders relaxed. He wanted to paint a disarming picture. It was always easier when your opponent looked down on you.

Unfortunately, while he had a lot practice with Lorenz, his sister wasn’t buying it. “Khalid, since when do you approach others unless you need something?” She rested her chin on her hand, her long, painted fingers tapping her cheek. “The only question left is what are you willing to pay for it?”

Claude chuckled softly, mirth colouring his tone as he played along. “I can’t pull anything over you, can I?”

There were rules to politics, rules that kept you safe, that let you take advantage of others, that let others take advantage of you. A charming smile kept others at bay. Words had to mean nothing and everything. It was easier to give a fake weakness than to reveal a real one.

From the corner of his eye, he spotted a flash of blue and his words died in his throat. She hadn’t needed any of that, had she? Effortlessly, Byleth had charmed all of Garreg Mach. Even though her smile had been a rarity. Even though her weaknesses were open for all to see. Even though her words were ever honest.

The new Fódlan she was building…his hand twitched. He wanted to see it. A world where merit trumped lineage. Where borders meant nothing. He wanted to see it. He wanted to see her.

“Khalid?”

He forced himself to look in front of him, away from that flash of blue and his scattered thoughts. “Sorry, I was just feeling overwhelmed. It’s not every day I get to trade words with the crown princess, after all.”

-x-

It was only by candlelight that Claude allowed himself to read Byleth’s letter. In the privacy of his quarters, alone and away from prying eyes, if only so no one could see the soft curve of his lips as he pulled out her letter once more. He’d kept each and every one, though by now the letters were so well-worn they were barely legible.

At one point, he imaged her letters must have smelled like her, all rainwater and pine needles. Now, they only carried the scent of dust and horses from the thousands of miles it had travelled to reach him. The flame flickered as he opened the envelope, casting long shadows on him as he unfolded the sheets of paper. Her writing was as concise as ever, each word written compactly to save room. It was the way of the mercenary, the way of her father.

Hi Claude.

And now, the way of Byleth. Claude chuckled as he read the first line in the letter. It seemed even time and distance couldn’t improve her skills. “No dear? I’m hurt.”

As I thought, it is difficult to rebuild a nation. Particularly when we have lost the majority of our leaders.

“As straight to the point as ever,” he murmured softly, his eyes lowering. How many friends had they lost in this war? His classmates, his peers—each death had weighed heavier than the last. Could he have saved any of them? His smiles only held power in the castle; outside, they were nothing. Dimitri had rejected his hand outright, revenge blinding him and his house to all other possibilities.

And Edelgard…

Byleth had trembled after she’d killed the Emperor, her jaw tight as she watched her head roll. He wondered if she replayed that scene in her head. If she dreamed of that sword, of the weight of it.

He still couldn’t look at the colour red the same.

His grip tightened, crinkling the paper. “Whoops, can’t have that,” he said glibly, forcing himself out of his thoughts. Claude flattened the paper, smoothening out the wrinkles. “These are going to be family heirlooms, after all.”

Hubert would have made fun of him for that. A starry-eyed Dorothea would have called it romantic. Slyly, Sylvain might have swapped love stories. In the future, he hoped no one would know this dull ache that throbbed in his chest or the heavy lump in his throat.

At least his house had made it through, unscathed. Especially Hilda; Byleth’s every other sentence for the next two paragraphs were about her and her exploits: a children’s book with Seteth, charming the pants off every noble she encountered, and starting a fashion line. And Claude had thought he was accomplished. Ignatz was painting and Raphael visited his sister and for all the sorrow the war had caused, there was joy too.

Claude read Byleth’s letter unhurriedly, savouring each word. News from Fódlan was hard to get here, news of his friends even more so. Yet, no matter how slowly he read, the end came all too soon.

Progress is slow, but steady. Come back soon,

Byleth

Her usual final words. It was never ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’, just ‘Come back soon’. He wondered how Byleth looked when she penned them, if she sat alone in her room just as he did his, carefully picking out each word as though he were searching for jewels in the dirt. Claude pressed his fingers against Come back soon, remembering the feel of her rough hands. Her soft lips. She had only recently remembered how to smile.

He hoped she wouldn’t forget before he came back.

It was funny. Claude had made it through five years without her, five long years buoyed only by his belief that she’d back. Byleth had shown him miracles and he knew she’d show him one last one, that someone like her wouldn’t just die like that.

Now, he knew exactly where she was, knew exactly how to reach her, and he could barely make it through a few months without wanting to run back to her arms. He’d lost the ability to do without her. Utterly, completely lost it.

“When I get back, you’d better be ready,” Claude whispered, reaching into his tunic and pulling out a fine silver chain. Dangling off it, her ring glinted in the candlelight. It glittered full of the promises of tomorrow.

In the middle of the night, tomorrow felt like a long way off. He could only hope she missed him half as much as he missed her.

#claudeleth #claude x byleth #claude von riegan #byleth #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #khalid #fanfic

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antoine-roquentin · 4 years ago

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NERVTAG gave no details about where in Kent the variant was first located, but the Covid-19 Genomics UK Consortium said that a key sample came from a patient living ‘near Canterbury’. A medical source, who wanted to stay anonymous, told me that the variant was first identified in Margate and came from someone with a weak immune system. Some in Kent jibbed at the prospect that the new virus would be known to history as ‘the Kent variant’, drawing a parallel with Trump’s ‘China virus’ or the ‘Spanish flu’ that didn’t even come from Spain (it first reached epidemic level in military training camps in the US).

It would be difficult to find a place where coronavirus was more likely to flourish and to enhance its mode of attack than Thanet and Swale. As in much of coastal Britain, few of the towns here are still working ports or seaside resorts. What industry there once was is largely gone, taking with it the few well-paying jobs. Of the fifteen most deprived neighbourhoods in Kent, seven are in Thanet and six in Swale. ‘We lost the mining industry and Ramsgate harbour, which was a big employer,’ the Labour councillor Barry Lewis says, lamenting the repeated blows to Margate over the past forty years. The hotel and tourism industries collapsed ‘when everybody started going abroad for their holidays’. The last big manufacturer in the area was the Pfizer plant near Sandwich, which closed in 2011 with the loss of 1500 jobs. The jobs that remain are often on zero-hours contracts. A map showing areas of maximum deprivation fitted neatly over one showing high rates of viral infection.

Everything about the average working life of someone in Swale or Sheppey puts them at risk. Much of this is to do with the need to go out to work. As Jackie Cassell, a public health specialist at the Brighton and Sussex Medical School who grew up on Sheppey, put it, ‘poverty is a mechanism for increasing social contact.’ People on the island are more likely than the population at large to use public transport to get to work, doing shifts of eight or more hours a day in warehouses or on construction sites. And people with little money are more likely to look after sick or ageing relatives. In a study of working patterns, Cassell found that on average someone who goes out to work has twelve prolonged or close periods of contact with people and seventeen brief or distant ones; those working from home have only two close or prolonged periods of contact and two brief or distant ones.

The effect this has in practice depends on the nature of the job and the employer. Riddell, the railway conductor and trade union official, says that the proportion of train passengers wearing face masks varies from line to line, but the stretch from Sittingbourne to Sheerness on the west side of Sheppey is particularly risky for rail staff because ‘between 50 and 60 per cent of people, mostly the young ones, don’t wear masks.’ As a conductor, he is allowed stay in the front cabin with the driver and doesn’t have to check passengers’ tickets. But Sue Saunders, who works as a cleaner on the trains, has to walk through the carriages spraying sanitiser and cleaning surfaces. ‘We have visors, masks and gloves,’ she says, ‘but we fear for our safety and several of my friends have caught Covid.’ The cleaners are often the only official-looking people on a train and, according to Saunders, are frequently stopped by passengers who want information. She says that sanitising could be done when the trains are standing empty between journeys, but the train companies want passengers to see that the cleaners are at work.

Compliance with restrictions on social interaction largely lapsed over the summer. Sharon Goodyer, who runs the Margate Food Club, says that her volunteers sometimes couldn’t safely distribute food in poor areas because they had to push past people sitting in doorways and mixing in the street. ‘I have a feeling,’ she says, ‘that if this new variant started in Margate, then we earned it.’ But she points out that even poor people need to get outdoors: ‘You can’t be too judgmental if you’re living in a nice house and don’t have mice dying under your chair.’ Barry Lewis mentions one street in Margate with two hundred overcrowded houses where residents rent tiny rooms at high prices. ‘It’s almost a prison, so to get out to the front of the house is your normal way of life and to be stuck in one overcrowded room is not possible.’

The arrival of the variant changed attitudes. Vanessa Crick, a mother of three in Herne Bay, a rundown town on the coast between Swale and Thanet, has two jobs, in the local library and in a supermarket. ‘Since last November,’ she says, ‘more people have started wearing masks because they are frightened for their granddad or their nan.’ Charlotte Cornell, who runs a charity distributing laptops for homeschooling to children in deprived areas, says that none of the families she deals with is cavalier about the virus: ‘They are all terrified of it.’

When public health experts were sent to Kent at the end of last year to investigate the reasons for the local epidemic, they suspected that the spread would be attributable to human actions at home or in the workplace. Everything they knew about the lives of people in Thanet and Swale would favour accelerated transmission of the virus. The physical environment was a factor too: decayed seaside resorts have many former hotels with sea views whose faded grandeur make them ideal for conversion into care homes. Last May, seventeen residents died from Covid-19 in one such care home in Margate, but mass deaths in care homes were a scandal all over Britain and hardly peculiar to Thanet.

A more likely reason for the rapid spread is that many people had good reasons for not getting Covid tests. People who test positive but need to go out to work and won’t get sick pay can’t afford to quarantine. ‘Young males in economically deprived areas do not want to get tested,’ Jackie Cassell says of Swale. She points to a study in Liverpool where only 4 per cent of people in one of the city’s poorest neighbourhoods volunteered for a test. Since the pandemic began, the government has been voluble about the restrictions it has imposed but evasive about how far people comply with them. A study by King’s College London showed that, while 70 per cent of people said they would self-isolate if necessary, only 18 per cent did so.

People not getting tested because they can’t afford to quarantine will keep a low profile. But other groups aren’t keen to catch the attention of anyone in authority. Graham Tegg, the director of the Kent Law Clinic, which provides free legal assistance, says there is ‘an underground system’ of migrant workers, many of whom have lived in Britain for a long time, who want to keep their distance from state institutions. Many of his clients are Czechs, Poles and Roma. Some pick fruit and vegetables or work in packing factories; collected by minivans in the morning, they work for ten hours and come back in the evening in the same van. ‘Three or four of them may be living in the same small room,’ Tegg says, providing perfect conditions for the virus to spread.

But most people in Thanet and Swale are ‘disconnected from authority’, according to Barry Lewis: the only time they see authority in action is when the police stop them doing something they want to do. Some of them are third-generation unemployed whose only prospect for making money is in the black market or the drugs trade – described by one resident as the only growth industry in Thanet. ‘What we have here is a whole community who have no investment in society at all,’ Sharon Goodyer says. ‘What do they owe anybody? They don’t. They don’t have a decent education, a decent home, a decent job. Why should they behave responsibly?’

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hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis · 4 years ago

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Caught in Between 26. Fallen Friend

Summary: Athena Dumont has finally found a place to call home after many years of foster homes and traveling. She had finally tamed her supernatural side and just wanted to live a normal teenage life. She quickly discovers that there is nothing normal about her hometown, Mystic Falls and gets sucked right back into the supernatural world.

Post Date: 12.15.20

Word count: 2k

Based off: 04x06 “We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes”

I wake up the next morning to find multiple calls from Elena. I call her back and she answers and starts speaking so quickly I couldn’t understand.

“Ok. Ok. Just calm down,” I say.

“Can you just get here as soon as possible?” She asks frantically.

“Yeh, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I say and hang up.

I get ready as fast as I could and headed to Elena’s. As I made my way into her house, I find her walking back and forth freaking out. As I make it further into her house I find Jeremy laying on the couch, although it does not look like he’s asleep, more like unconscious. Damon comes in almost as soon as I make my way to Elena.

“What happened?” I ask ignoring that Damon had arrived.

“I uh couldn’t sleep so I came down to get some milk. And um I saw the hunter and next thing I know I stab Jeremy in the neck with a knife,” Elena explains.

“Ok well, at least he still has the Gilbert ring,” I respond.

“I can’t believe this happened. What--what am I going to say to him?” Elena says freaking out.

“Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy?” Damon suggests.

“Damon…” I say and look at him annoyed.

“You should have called Stefan,” Damon says, clearly unsure of why he was there.

“I don’t want to talk to him. He’s been lying to me and hiding things from me. He compelled Jeremy to forget god knows what,” Elena explains.

“In all fairness, I mean, I think you killing him kind of trumps that. I mean, you should have called Stefan,” Damon suggests once more.

“I don’t trust him right now, Damon,” Elena says.

And just like on cue, “Hey,” Stefan says walking into Elena’s house.

“P.S. I called Stefan,” Damon says as I roll my eyes.

“What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” Stefan asks.

“I just--I need to go upstairs and shower. Clean all the blood off my hands,” Elena says and walks off.

“Could any of you listen to Elena, once?” I ask before Jeremy wakes up.

“Welcome back. How you feeling?” Stefan asks.

“What happened?” Jeremy asks.

“Long story. Buy the E-book,” Damon says and walks to the kitchen. I head into the kitchen after Damon and help him clean up the blood staining the floor.

“You know you could be a little more sensitive right?” I tell him.

“Ehhh…” Damon says.

“Damon… it’s her brother,” I give him an annoyed look.

“Where’d Jeremy go?” Damon asks as Stefan walks in.

“School. Bonnie has him volunteering for some occult exhibit,” Stefan explains.

“Or maybe he didn’t want to linger in a house where his sister just jammed a knife in his neck,” Damon says.

“It’s Klaus,” Stefan says looking down at his ringing phone.

“Ooh, time to face the music, pay the piper, dance with the devil,” Damon says.

“You know, I’m glad you find this amusing. If he finds out I told you about the cure, he’ll kill both of us,” Stefan says confusing me.

“Quit avoiding him. You’re being shady. Shady people get outed,” Damon says as Stefan answers his phone.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Stefan says.

“Well, I can’t imagine why what with you ruining all my plans for a hybrid-filled future,” Klaus says.

“Well, it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t sworn me to secrecy,” Stefan says.

“Life’s full of ifs, Stefan. Let’s extenuate the positives, shall we? The hunter was one of the five. We’ll find another. It may take centuries, but we’ve got nothing but time, right?” Klaus says.

“You’re using your calm voice today. Who’s getting killed?” Stefan asks.

“Not you, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I am concerned about your beloved. Have the hallucinations started yet?” Klaus says as the three of us exchange looks.

“What do you know about that?” Stefan asks.

“I’ll tell you. Where are you?” Klaus asks back.

“I’m at her house,” Stefan says.

“How convenient. So am I,” Klaus says before we hear a knock on the door. Stefan quickly moves and heads outside.

A few minutes later Elena comes down looking like she saw a ghost. “No!” She says before running outside.

Damon and I follow her but we find that she had been whisked away by Klaus and Stefan was standing alone on the sidewalk. Stefan explained to Damon and me about the hunter’s curse, and about the cure to me. I call Bonnie knowing that she was our only luck in finding Elena. Once she arrived we explain what happened.

“You lost her?!” Bonnie asks.

“Well, ‘lost’ is a very strong word. We technically don’t know where she is,” Damon says.

“We do know that Klaus took her,” I say.

“I’m more worried about what Klaus said about the hunter’s curse,” Stefan says.

“How does Klaus even know about this?” Bonnie asks.

“How does Klaus know anything? The guy’s like a billion years old,” Damon says.

“He said it was a witch’s curse,” Stefan says.

“You know if I could do anything to help I would, But I--,” Bonnie says.

“But nothing. Wave your magic wand, hocus pocus, be gone, hunter, ghostess, whatever,” Damon says.

“The spirits won’t let me do the magic I need to break the curse. But I can ask Shane for help. He knows everything about everything,” Bonnie explains.

“Great. You two do your thing,” Stefan says.

“Where you going?” I ask Stefan while he walks away.

“I’m gonna get her back,” Stefan says.

“I’ll come with you. Maybe he’ll listen to me for once,” I say and follow Stefan outside.

“I don’t need help getting Elena back,” Stefan says sitting on his motorcycle.

“Maybe not. But I am good back up. At least if he listens to me. We might have a better chance, than if you go by yourself,” I explain.

Stefan takes some time to think, “Alright hop on,” Stefan says and starts his motorcycle. He stops just past the town clock tower and makes a call to Caroline. We then make our way to Tyler so they can explain what’s going on.

“Haley is the one that helped me break the sire bond. She showed me what to do. How to help. When she showed up here, I thought it was just a coincidence but it turns out she’s been helping one of them. Her friend Chris. And she came to help us get the rest of them out from under Klaus,” Tyler explains.

“Including me,” I say waving my hand.

“So...Are you telling me that Chris and you aren’t sired anymore?” Stefan asks looking at me.

“That’s exactly what he’s telling you,” Caroline confirms. We all then come up with a plan and of course, I’m the one who goes to talk to Klaus, but what did I expect. Stefan, Tyler, and Caroline head out as I head to the Mystic Grill where Klaus was.

“Place looks pretty good considering your hybrid got blown up in it,” I say walking up behind Klaus whose drinking at the bar.

“Athena. To what do I owe the pleasure? You never seek me out on your own, I tend to have to come to you, even if you’re staying with me,” Klaus says.

“I want you to give Elena back,” I say standing by the bar.

“Ahh. They sent you to sweet talk me. Well, good form, But I’m afraid I can’t do it,” Klaus responds.

“Why not?” I ask.

“She needs my help,” Klaus says as I scoff at his statement. “Look, I’m not going to burden you with the gory details. I know you’d rather be doing other things, painting or hanging out with your friends,” Klaus says.

“Can’t do that, if Elena isn’t around,” I respond.

“Can I at least offer you a drink?” Klaus asks.

“Yeah, thanks,” I say knowing it’ll keep him out of his house longer.

“How uh… was your trip to Italy? I assume it was for business, Klaus Michaelson doesn’t do vacations,” I say.

“It was very productive. I’d be glad to tell you what I’ve been up to, soon though,” He says as I feel a buzz from my phone. I look down to find a text from Tyler sayings that Elena had escaped. And another text from Damon saying that Jeremy is the key to stopping the hallucinations.

“So here’s the thing. I didn’t just come here to try to get you to release Elena,” I say.

“You don’t say,” Klaus says with a smile plastered on his face.

“I came here to distract you so that Stefan could go to your house and break her out,” I start as his smile falls. “Which he did and don’t get mad, but then he lost her,” I finish and Klaus doesn’t hesitate one moment to move from his seat. “Klaus!” I say.

“Athena. You’re beautiful and the love of my life. But if you don’t stop talking, I will kill you,” Klaus says surprising me.

“They figured out how to stop the hallucinations,” I say stopping Klaus in his tracks.

“Ok. You have 10 seconds to tell me,” Klaus says with haste in his voice.

“You have to find a potential hunter and have them kill another vampire. The catch is...it’s little Gilbert,” I explain.

“Well, this leaves us no choice. Let’s find us a little Gilbert and a hybrid,” Klaus says.

“Damon already contacted him. We’ll meet them at Tyler’s,” I say.

“Well, let’s not waste any time,” Klaus says taking my hand in his and pulling me with him. We make it to Tyler’s house and go over the plan.

I watch as Klaus walks into Tylers and the next thing I hear is Klaus yelling. As the hybrid was starting to make his way out of Tylers, Stefan rushes in, staking him. And soon after Jeremy follows in and finishes the hybrid off. I follow in after and see Jeremy standing over the body, Klaus with a big smile on his face, and Tyler and Haley standing in shock.

“Alright, let’s go home,” Klaus says grabbing my arm.

“No, I’m staying here,” I tug my arm away. Klaus doesn’t try to stop me, but instead just leaves.

The next morning I wake up to find Haley asleep on the couch and Tyler sitting there with a bottle in hand.

“Tyler?” I ask walking into the room.

“It’s just us. Paying our respects to Chris,” He says and takes a sip of the alcohol.

“We didn’t have a choice,” I explain, sitting in the chair next to him.

“I told him we had his back. I told him if he helped us, he’d be free,” Tyler explains.

“We needed to help our friend,” I say.

“Yeah, we helped our friend by handing over another friend,” Tyler says. I sat in silence not knowing how to respond. “Chris was a friend. He’s like us. Part of my pack. All he wanted to do was be unsired by that disgusting, piece of...How did you even get Klaus to agree to give up one of his hybrids?” Tyler asks.

“Well, I didn’t have much to offer nor do I want anything to really do with him but…” I say.

“I agreed to go on a date with him,” Caroline says walking into the room. Tyler stands up facing Caroline. “I just thought that it might help keep up the ruse between you and Haley,” Caroline explains. Tyler doesn’t respond but instead, he throws the alcohol bottle against the wall, scaring both Caroline and me.

“What the hell is going on?” Haley asks waking up.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Just celebrating the life of a fallen hybrid friend,” Tyler says shifting his eyes between Caroline and me.

I decided to leave Hayley and Tyler alone for the rest of the day and go check up on Elena.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” I ask her as we walk into the kitchen.

“Better now that the hunter is gone. Thank you for your help,” Elena says.

“No problem. I’d hate to lose you too,” I say.

A/N: This is just a filler, I hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading.

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hitsuackerman · 5 years ago

Text

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt. 1

a/n: I have been struggling with writer’s block because all I’ve been wanting to do was write about garbage man Overhaul. I have no idea how or when my simping for this man began T.T that being said, the words came flowing out when I started this XD

warnings: cursing, subtle flirting, nothing much happens since its only part 1

links: part 2

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

It was a rather fine Monday afternoon. Lazily drinking your coffee, you waved to the people who knew who you were. You weren’t part of the top ten heroes, no. Not even in the top 100 poll. Instead, with a quirk like yours, you chose to enter the police force. With a bit of training here and there, you mastered everything there was to and still managed to develop your quirk every two missions or so.

Now, you were sitting by the window. Waiting for your partner to arrive. He had called you in for a rather hasty meet up somewhere far from the precinct. With no details given, anything was possible when it came to Tsukauchi and his brain.

A blur of tan and green caught your eye. Turning to face the no longer vacant chair, you observed as he took off his matching hat and fixed his tie. His rectangular eyes greet you with sincerity but hints of anxiety at the same time. Something was about to happen, it was plain obvious.

“Well, good afternoon to you, Nao.” You gave him a cheers of your coffee before taking another sip. The bitterness of your beverage is ever so relaxing. “What can I do for my partner, hm?”

“You read me too well, (Y/N).” He chuckled. Taking a folder from his messenger bag, he placed it on the table and gave you permission to open it. The way he saw your eyebrows furrow only strengthened his hypothesis. “I can explain.”

“You bet your ass you need to explain.” You leaned on your chair. Heart racing a little faster now. Your eyes darting from the detective before you and the streets outside the window. Index finger tapping on your bicep as your arms instinctively crossed on your chest.

“I know this is familiar territory to you and I am sure that you are very much uncomfortable right now,” He began. The little shift in your seat caused guilt to eat him a bit. Seeing your eyes moving from one item to another made him question if this were the right choice. “But with considerable thought, you’re the only one who has a chance in turning this situation for the better.”

“Nao, I get where you’re going but there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.”

“This mission is only up for 9 months. If you step down then someone else will take your place. With you being tied to the yakuza, the probability of having the time frame cut short is high.”

Ahh. The background-trump card. Of course the chief of police wanted to pull that off.

Before having entered the police force, you had been somewhat a part of the Abegawa Tenchu Kai group. Though the group had been put to an end, they had successfully managed to hide your father in a hidden pathway that none of the police had managed to find.

From there, he had slowly rebuilt it. Still enforcing the way of the yakuza, your father slowly came to realize just how little there was left of the yakuza. Secretly, he began to create ties with the police to ensure a bit of political immunity for his group. By the time you were born, things took a turn and the small organized crimes came to a halt.

When you gave him the news that you were joining the police force, he had let out a hearty laugh that echoed through the halls. Telling you it was ironic and certainly unexpected, he told you of the difficulties you would face but encouraged you the same.

“I know I’m tied up with them but having to fight another one would be difficult. You’re all too aware that the yakuza are a strongly knit group after they were disbanded one by one. Though I’m aware that the group mentioned is trying to take the lead, I would rather not be intertwined in a mess like this.” Your answer was stern but the look your partner gave you made things inconvenient. “Do not give me that look, Tsukauchi.”

“You won’t be alone in this. The plan is for you to talk to the Shie Hassaikai and use them as support for this one.”

“Lmao, what?” You held up your palm and shook your head with amusement. There was no way in hell you were about to create a bond with them. “D’you just hear yourself, Nao? Those people are whack and some are a lost cause already.”

“Overhaul is the current boss. Perhaps you can set a meeting with him and talk.” The way Overhaul came out of his mouth made him want to puke. It was a vile word, even for him. Yet, desperate times call for desperate measures. If low key teaming up with the Shie Hassaikai would put an end to the growing crimes the other group was causing, then so be it. “Just tell him that you won’t dig into his business.”

“You’re putting me in the hands of someone who could obliterate me in a matter of seconds.” You commented. Dragging the folder off the table, you tucked it into your bag and gulped the remaining amount of coffee. It’s taste now bland to you. “Wish me luck. I’m gonna be needing a lot of it.”

“I owe you a lot, (Y/N).” Tsukauchi thanked you while taking his coat and putting it on. Leading the way towards the exit, he opened the door for you and motioned for you to exit first. “Also, be aware that only a select group of people know about this arrangement.”

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed and waved goodbye.

Walking down the streets, your thoughts began to eat you up. If there was one thing your old man taught you, it was that the Shie Hassaikai had something going on beneath them. Of course, your father never gave any information as to what they did. All you could do was to respect his decision. He was still a yakuza after all. And despite what the people might think, the way of the yakuza wasn’t all that bad. At least when it came to morals of brotherhood, of course.

The screeching of tires caught your attention. A white carrier van came speeding through the road and took a rather sharp turn. It was probably 4 blocks from where you stood. You were off duty but still, trouble waits for no one. Cautiously, you jogged towards the location.

Not soon after, a small scale explosion made you wince. By now, you were running and saw the distressed people exiting the corner as a pillar of smoke started to climb towards the skies. Moving at fast speeds, you ended up bumping with a stranger with a black and gray mask on. His layered blue unbuttoned polo exposing his matching shirt. “Sorry, mister!” You apologized before turning around the corner. The look on his face was a little confused. You couldn’t blame him. Confusion was always part of the recipe of disaster.

You stopped running when you were met with dismembered and morphed bodies of the supposed to be criminals. Standing in front of you were 3 people. One with a large build, one who was slim but wore a hood, and the other with auburn hair. His dark green bomber jacket stood out due to the purple fur around the hood.

He seemed to be busy monologuing knowing he hasn’t killed you yet.

“And who might you be?” The voice seemed to be coming from above.

Not wanting to lose your sights on him, you watched as he turned around and faced you. His magenta bird mask on full display. His eyes still marked with the rage he had just let out a few moments ago. His golden eyes dug deep to your soul. It was scary to say the least.

Your heartbeat raced and your thoughts tried to come up with a logical explanation as to why you did not run away. When Overhaul took a step forward, you held your breath and opened your mouth.

“I’ve been meaning to talk with you, Overhaul.” Your eyes followed as his surgical covered hands began to adjust his mask. The twitch in his eye bringing you one step closer to death. “I’m from the Abegawa Tenchu Kai.”

It was amazing to you. How you casually stated you were part of another group. Feeling the air shift around you, the person who had asked as to who you were was now standing beside you. The beak of his mask a mere inches from your face. You wanted to glare at him, but the real threat here was the one right in front of you.

“It’s not safe to talk here. The police are coming and it’s pretty obvious you don’t want any more dirt on your hands, yes?” You began to walk backwards and motioned for them to follow you. They could follow you or they could just brush it aside and move along with whatever business they had in mind.

When the same person who had been beside you just now talked to Overhaul, it was now clear who he was. Chronostasis. One of his indisposable pawns. You’ve heard of the stories surrounding these two.

“You have approximately 5 minutes to decide before they arrive.” You informed them. “I’ll wait in the corner in case you want to hear what I have to say.”

When a minute had passed, you were now face to face with the leader of the Shie Hassaikai and his companion. He probably let the rest go on ahead. Good. At least he was curious as to what in the world a random person would want them for.

“Speak before he changes his mind.” Chrono threatened you.

Unwavered by that, you began to walk. Thankfully, the sidewalk didn’t have that many people.

“I need your help. The Fukuo Kai group have been getting restless.” If they were still updated with the inside news, you hoped you wouldn’t have to explain the details. It was too tiring and time was of the essence.

“Who exactly are you, woman?” This time you heard his voice. It was oddly intoxicating. He was careful but made sure not to show it.

“I’m sure you can do a background check on me. I have no way in stopping you, I’m all too aware.” Rummaging through your bag, you took out a pen and paper. Jotting your number down, you handed it to Chrono. If the stories were right, he would freak out if you were to touch him. “If you want to talk about this more in your office, feel free to hit me up. But, no to kidnapping. It’s tiresome.”

Overhaul just stared at you. Calculating what to do next. Or how this would benefit him. Yes, he would surely ask some of his men to follow you around but with you being tied with the Abegawa Tenchu Kai, it was almost certain that you had henchmen following you around. Looking over at his masked companion, Chrono immediately understood that a background check would be done the moment they would step into the grounds.

“2 days. If no call, I’ll move on to the next people on my list.” You gave them a quick bow. There was no need to but he was who he was. The rumors being spread about him and his plans were most probably true. He at least deserved a half ass bow from you.

Knowing it was more than enough contact, you turned to the next corner and made your way back home. All too aware that the possibility of being followed was all too high. There were two ways you could go, you could go to your apartment or go home. None of that surely mattered with who he was and what he was capable of. Letting out a sigh, you went with the former.

By the time you arrived in your unit, you flopped on your sofa and threw your bag to the coffee table. Sinking further and further down, you flailed for a few seconds before composing yourself. Leaning towards your bag, you took out your phone and began to dial up a number.

“What can I do for you, (N/N)-chan?” The voice over the phone said.

“Is dad busy?”

“The boss is currently out of office. He’ll be back in a few hours. He shifted in his seat and felt a tad antsy. “Is something wrong?”

“Nah. Just miss the old man.” Giving him a chuckle, you sat straight up and pulled your bag closer towards you. Shuffling through the mess as you took the folder out. Placing it on your table, your eyes began to wander and skim through the pages. “Anyway, I gotta go. Tell him to call me back.”

When he gave his reply, the call ended and you immediately began to read the information more closely.

Hours had now passed and you ended up crashing on the couch. By the time you woke up, the room was now dark save for the city lights illuminating the walls softly. Stretching your limbs, you stood up and turned the lights on. It was painfully blinding but you adjusted quick enough.

Checking your phone for any messages, you tossed it back on the couch and grunted. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

With nothing else to do, you decided to get started with dinner.

Pasta and wine. That’s what you craved for. Not sure why but all the contents were now laid out before you. Preparation time would take around 30. Nothing too long or too fast, just right. Starting the labor, you began to heat up water in a pot and began to prepare the sauce.

Moving in a trance, the sound of your phone ringing caused you to jump. Wiping your hands clean with a tissue, you jogged towards the living room and stared at the unknown number.

‘Shit.’ You mentally prepared yourself. “(L/N) speaking.”

“I have been thinking about your offer.” He said over the phone. His voice a little muffled due to his bird mask, at least you presumed. “However, I would prefer if we talk about this in person. I would hate it if your phone was bugged and such.”

“What time are you free?”

“2 in the afternoon. I am aware that you know where we are located.” He replied. A tiny voice seemed to be yapping about in the background. The small voice seemed to stop and Overhaul continued. “If you’re late, then you’ll have to go through your list of people.”

Before you could respond, he ended the call. For someone who was rumored to be antisocial, he sure had a knack of being sarcasm. Who were you kidding, that wasn’t sarcasm.

Walking back to your kitchen, your mind was out of it as you continued making dinner. Your foot began tapping your tiled floor. What would happen tomorrow? Sure, you knew where they were situated but to be inside their headquarters? A chill ran down your spine.

In the task force, you were one of the people who were experts on reading people. Yet, the Shie Hassaikai leader was one person you would rather not read into. Sociopaths were usually textbook people but for someone who was whispered to be an antisocial sociopath? Your mind couldn’t comprehend what goes through his head.

Safe to say that you did not enjoy your dinner.

Time was now moving fast. In the blink of an eye, you found yourself at the gates of their headquarters. Last night, you fell into such a deep sleep that you barely had enough time to dream. With only another cup of coffee to keep you going, you knocked on the wooden gates and waited for entry.

The gates opened slightly. You were met with a random thug who didn’t wear a mask. He was wearing plain simple clothes but the look on his face told you he was definitely not happy to see you.

“I have some business with Overhaul.” You said plainly.

“Oh so you’re that woman.” Opening the gates a little wider, he watched as you entered. “Follow me, missy.”

The headquarter’s building was designed similar to your home. Traditional Japanese interior when you made your way through the front door. The tatami mats lined on the floor while the shoji screens littered every few steps.

The walking stopped and you were now face to face with Chrono. His mask present and his hood kept his hair hidden. The man who led you quickly bowed and left without looking back.

“Not the traditional meeting room?” You tried to joke. Met with only silence, you told him you were ready and he began to walk down the dimly lit path. Tailing behind him, you took note of the turns you had to take. For a while, it began to confuse you and realized that the sole purpose was for that.

It went on for quite some time before the halls were now lit properly and a double door was now facing you.

“Do I knock? Or do I just barge in?” You turned to be face to face with Chrono. A smirk landed on your face when he let out an unamused sigh. Before you knew it, he leaned and opened the doors for you.

Making your way inside, the decor of the room was nothing much. Two sofas parallel to each other with a table situated in the middle. A banner of their insignia hung proudly on the wall. Sitting on one of the couches was the reason why you were even down here.

Without his obnoxious bomber jacket, you had to admit that Overhaul looked pretty damn fine. Clean and proper. Taking a seat on the empty sofa, you leaned on to the back and shrugged your shoulders.

“Well, what do you wanna talk about?” You decided to start the conversation. In a way, it calmed your senses since the silence was deafening.

“What do I get in return?” His elbows rested on his knees. Tilting his head a little bit, he squinted his eyes ever so slightly. The horrible lighting of the room somehow made the golden trimming of his mask shine.

“You get to take their rank. You’re aware that the Fukoa Kai are pretty up there and surely you would love to have additional men behind your back.”

“And why would a police officer like you want to ask help from people like us? That’s a bit ironic now isn’t it?” Not a single movement save for his occasional blinking. “I’ve heard stuff about your lot. And it would definitely make things a whole lot easier. Besides, the chief of police saw it amusing by using me as a bridge. You’ve done your background check I presume?”

“(L/N). Daughter of the man who reestablished the Abegawa Tenchu Kai group from the dirt. Top ranking police officer despite having been born with the yakuza way.” He began to relay out. “Political immunity granted due to the old man pulling a few strings and helping the force every now and then. Such a shame his goal was patterned like that .”

Years of hearing that, you were now immune to those choice of words.

“If it calms your clammy hands,” You retorted. His eyebrows jumped a bit at how you raised your voice. “Only a few select people know about this. We plan to keep this on the low hence me meeting you. You won’t be meeting any of them, save for maybe one. But other than that, this would surely benefit you more than it would for us.”

“Tell me, (L/N).” He was now leaning on the back of the sofa. His head craned back to rest as well. You couldn’t help but wonder how heavy that mask was. Or what he was hiding underneath it. “Do you play shogi?”

Not expecting the question, you couldn’t help but giggle ever so slightly. Making sure that your hand partly covered the smile you were holding in. Tucking in a loose strand of hair, you lifted your chin and responded.

“I do but I’m not the best at it.”

“If I am satisfied with how you play, then we will commence whatever plan you have in your head.” He motioned for Chrono to get the board. “But, should I win, you have to add a few more privileges for my participation.”

“I’ll have to…” You had to cut yourself. Coming to a conclusion that your chief would surely decline it, you would just have to face the consequences of it later. “Sure.”

Watching as his companion laid out the board, you took the opportunity to observe what you could with the man sitting in front of you. His shoulders were broad and his face smooth. His eyebrows were quite unique as well. His lower lashes were eye catching, no doubt. Though his eyes were the money shot though. The dim lighting did no justice to the golden hues he were gifted with.

When his eyes met yours, he raised an eyebrow. You raised one as well. Furrowing his brows, you merely blinked lazily. Squinting your eyes, they slowly traveled down to his shoulders. Realizing that you were clearly checking him out, you jolted your sight once more and met his. The staring game was always fun for you knowing you don’t chicken out. When Overhaul finally broke connection, he gave you the liberty of ushering the first move.

The only sound that now echoed the room was the sound of your pieces being put into place. It was a rather intense game. For a while, he had managed to snag some of your powerful pieces but you managed to turn the table around by taking his as well. Chrono stared intently at the game. Seeing how his boss was now playing with his hundred percent was something he had not seen in a while. Looking at you, you were unfazed by the pressure of playing with the boss.

Little did they know that behind your poker face, you were panicking. The moves left were slowly depleting and you could only go on for a few more minutes. It was too obvious he was enjoying this. Deciding to play on defense, you picked up a tile and placed it where you intended it to be.

This exchange of moves went for a few more minutes before you finally saw the opportunity to grab his king. By now both of you had practically an equal amount of each other's soldiers. Though it would require you to sacrifice three pawns, the feeling for victory would probably be within reach in 5 moves.

5 moves later, you finally leaned back on the sofa. That had been one of the longest games of shogi you had ever played. Mentally, you were drained and hungry. The effects of the coffee had worn down 16 moves ago and you wanted to stuff down a hearty burger before you head to the precinct.

“When will the operation start?” Overhaul asked as he still stared at the board. Processing how he had just lost. Yet, he had to admit that your final moves were brilliant.

“I’ll give you a call.” You tossed the piece and he caught it with ease. His eyesight never tore from yours as he placed it back on the board. “But, I am in a rather good mood. The only add on I can give to you is that no snooping around will happen. Whatever it is you have planned in this maze of an office you have, I’ll have nothing to do with it. I’m here for one purpose and one purpose only.”

“Then so be it.” He accepted the offer. “If there’s nothing else-”

“How heavy is your mask?” You blurted out.

Both men in the room were rather speechless at the sudden question. Even you were surprised. That had simply been a thought but your mouth seemed to move faster than your brain could comprehend. Perhaps it was the hunger taking over.

“You don’t have to answer that.” You looked away and stared at their banner. Shame and embarrassment creeping into you. “But, yeah. There’s all there is to it.”

Once again, you were back to the winding halls. You didn’t bother memorizing the area knowing full well you were bound to go back. When the traditional walls were within sight once again, all you could think of was the exit and the nearest hamburg shop.

“What’s your quirk?” Chrono suddenly asked.

“Thought you’d already know by now.” You replied.

“It was marked as classified information no matter how deep we dived into the systems. Did you pay for the secrecy?”

“Nope. Well, maybe.” You were now facing the entrance. Chrono was still waiting for an answer. “I’ll tell you when the time comes. But, it has something to do with health. So if it makes your boss any less worried about the germs I carry, I’m clean.”

Waving a farewell, you walked and exited yourself away from the building.

Taking your phone out, you searched for the nearest hamburg store and began to walk your way. It was only a few blocks away so it wouldn’t hurt to exercise your legs. Glancing at the time, you were shocked that 2 hours had passed in that meeting. It felt too fast but perhaps it was the shogi that took up most of the time.

Realizing that you had to send updates to your partner, you searched for his contact and hit dial. He answered after the second ring.

“Yes, (Y/N)?” The typing of his keyboard was evident and you recalled just how many other cases he had under his care.

“It’s a done deal. But, I had to cave in with his one demand.” Letting him digest what you had just shared, you heard the creak of his office chair. A sigh followed after. “We are not to meddle with his affairs. One purpose and that’s it.”

“Well, at least it’s not much. And another team is currently doing that as well. Still, as expected from my partner.” He praised you. “How’d you do it?”

“I beat him at a game of shogi.” You couldn’t help but smirk at the memory of him realizing he was in too deep to pull himself out of the corner. “Anyway, I’ll be eating lunch. Want me to bring you something?”

“Daifuku will do.”

“Got it.”

Ending the call, you scrolled down through your contacts once more. Hitting up the dial button, you finally arrived at the food chain. The ringing still killing your ears. When the waitress handed you the menu, you were put into voicemail.

“Gei. Pick me up when you get this.” Placing your phone on the table, you called the waitress and told her your order. It would take 15 minutes for your food to arrive and that meant you had 15 minutes to dig around what you could about Overhaul.

Scrolling through news articles, there wasn’t a lot of coverage about him. As expected from a young yakuza member. How old was he anyway? Remembering how you asked him about his mask, you face palmed and scolded yourself.

The screen changed and Gei was calling you. A smile found its way to your lips. “Whattup girrrl?!” Your friend greeted you. His voice pitchy as always and you were positive he was moving his head with every word.

“Just finished a meeting with someone and was wondering if you wanted to crash by my place tonight?”

“Say no more boo. Imma bring some chips, a tub of ice cream, and the glorious wine!” His happiness was contagious. With such a tension filled job, it was a miracle Gei and you became friends. “What’s the occasion baby girl?”

“Uh, just the usual.”

“Ooh~ Is this a red wine situation or a moscato problem?”

What kind of problem was it anyway? If you replied red, it would mean work trouble. If you went with moscato, it would be a mix of work and relationships.

“I guess both?”

“Well! Lemme take my purse and rush to the convenience store! You better spill the beans (N/N).”

“I will~” You said farewell and he made sure to send kisses over the phone. Ever so flamboyant, your friend was. Yet, despite his personality, you knew that Gei would always be there for you no matter what. Of course, with him being your loud best friend, it was a given that you would do anything for him as well.

Your food was now served and you downed it in just 10 minutes. A new record, if you said so yourself. Wrapping things up, you took the daifuku and went your way towards the precinct. Wishing you had taken your car, you called for a taxi and took a quick nap.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul #bnha overhaul #bnha chisaki kai #mha overhaul #mha chisaki kai #shie hassaikai #overhaul is garbage but i cant help but adore this man #this is the reason why my one shots are delayed #aaaaahhhhhhhhh

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lia-jones · 4 years ago

Text

Growing Together - Chapter Nineteen - Hamsa

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains a suicide letter, mentions violence, drug abuse, and rape. I tried to keep it light, but if you are easily triggered by such subjects, avoid the parts in italic.

Let no sadness come to their hearts

Let no trouble come to their arms

Let no conflict come to their eyes

Let their souls be filled with the blessing of joy and peace.

Hamsa Prayer (adapted by the author)

Victor sat in his study, staring at the three folders on his desk.

The covers were bare and unidentified so any potentially prying eyes wouldn’t guess their importance, but Victor had gone through them so many times that he could name all three without even opening them, knowing them just by the dents and folds on the cardboard cover. Needless to say, he could just as well set them on fire, he knew their contents by heart.

The first folder on the left contained intelligence regarding his long-time adversary, Lucien Xu. It contained detailed information cataloging his whereabouts and activities before and after the Blackout. Lucien Xu, AKA Ares, like all evolvers, had lost his powers and been given no choice but to live the life of a mere human, appearing to have abandoned the ambitions he had as an important member of Black Swan’s council.

Victor never knew exactly what had happened to Black Swan, as his memories of that time were hazy at best. He was able to recall some pivotal moments, like him being the one that caused the Blackout, or rescuing Mia from the Queen, but not much else. However, from what he did remember, he knew that he had been involved in some violent physical altercations. Consequently, it was easy to assume that a head injury or something similar was making it hard for him to retrieve all the data and connect the dots.

He had looked everywhere for the other members of BS, but only found a few, also leading normal lives far away. The rest of them were mysteriously gone, probably in hiding. Unfortunately, there was no new information that could help him piece together what had really happened. But most importantly, there was no logical answer as to why Lucien had decided to show his face presently or why he had taken such an interest in his wife.

It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that revenge was all Lucien was after, and Andrea was an easy target, given the role she played in Victor’s life. But Lucien wasn’t a careless fool; he wouldn’t risk his life because of a vendetta, especially now that he didn’t have his Evol to protect him. There had to be something else that Victor didn’t know, or worse, something he couldn’t remember. It was imperative that he discovered what it was. Maybe he would have to play some trump cards he would rather keep up his sleeve, but his wife’s safety was at stake. For her, he would stop at nothing.

The second folder’s cover was badly mistreated, due to the many times Victor had gripped it in anger. It concerned a man he hated with all his heart: Daniel, Andrea’s abusive ex-boyfriend. Besides some information about the shady operations the spineless piece of scum conducted---embezzlement and a few indiscretions of a sexual nature---the pages described extensively and thoroughly the progress of his current case in court, including the accusation and defense strategies and the evidence both sides possessed to corroborate it.

Daniel’s legal team had tried to extradite him to Portugal, knowing the bureaucracy that the country’s judicial system entailed would delay the reading of a sentence for years, providing him with plenty of time to either try to retaliate again or simply take all the money he had stolen and disappear. Naturally, Victor would never allow for either to happen, so after a few phone calls and the intervention of the CEO’s own legal team, Daniel’s request for extradition was denied. All that he had to do now was to ensure Daniel would get the heavy sentence he deserved. He would make sure the man who threatened his wife would spend the rest of his life behind bars, where he couldn’t hurt Andrea or anyone else, for that matter.

His wife knew nothing about his interference in Daniel’s trial, and it was critical that she remained ignorant of his actions. Despite understanding firsthand the gravity of the situation, she would never condone Victor using his influence to their own benefit, disregarding someone else’s rights, even if they were the ones of the man that had taken so much from her. Although Victor could understand the sentiment and usually despised such acts of nepotism, in this particular case he felt he was being quite benevolent: for someone who had hurt the woman he loved above any other, and had the audacity of trying to hurt her yet again, Daniel was lucky to see his life spared.

The third file was the most recent one, and the one that worried Victor the most at the moment. It was a background check on Pamela Cole, Owen’s biological grandmother. Victor had to admit, the woman was smart, she had played her cards right. Anyone who had ever read a magazine article about Andrea could see she was highly praised for not only her insightful mind, but also her kind heart, which made her a formidable woman, and also an easy target. Obviously, when the old woman humbly entered Andrea’s office telling stories of regret and hopes of forgiveness and reconnection, his wife’s heart softened. Victor, however, knew better.

It was obvious this woman wasn't concerned about her grandson, or else she would’ve looked for him sooner. Victor also didn’t believe her story of trying to turn her life around, he knew first hand that rarely ever happens. A mother who allows her own child to get molested by strangers isn’t the kind that changes or sees error’s in her ways. And judging by her clean criminal sheet, it wasn’t like she had acted out of suffering or despair. She had been careful; she didn’t want to get caught. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time someone had tried to tug at Victor’s heartstrings for his money. As soon as she got her hands on Owen, she would manipulate him, surreptitiously extorting money from Victor through his son. And that he would not allow.

No matter what Andrea said, that woman would never see Owen. Should she try to obtain visiting rights judicially, he was prepared. Even if her records were clean and he had no way to prove she was a bad influence on his child, he had one thing he could use. He opened Pamela’s folder, retrieving from it an old envelope. This piece of paper contained Owen’s inheritance, the very last proof of his mother’s love, her suicide note. This was his only weapon against that woman, where the girl clearly stated she didn’t want her mother to raise Owen. Victor couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he unfolded the old notepad sheet, stained with tears. What he read there was cruel and hurtful, but it was also a testimony of Owen’s mother’s love for her son.

My name is Rebecca Cole, and I’m 21 years old. The little boy that you’ll find next to me is my son, Owen. He’ll probably be scared. He loves chocolate milk, so give him some, maybe he’ll calm down a bit.

I never amounted to much, although I did try. My life is full of bad choices and evil people, except for the one that helped me conceive this little boy. I don’t want to name him, he doesn’t even know Owen exists, and that’s for the better. He’s in medical school now, he must be able to move on with his life without paying the price for my poor life decisions.

As you may have already noticed, I don’t have much to leave to my child. In fact, I own nothing that you see. Everything belongs to Stan, he’s buried in the back. I’m sorry, I had to do it. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else.

There is no will, and no inheritance, just a story. A story that will maybe help you understand why I did what I did, why I left a sweet child behind. His heritage is ugly and troubled. But it is my story, and I want him to understand that I didn’t leave him. When I do what I’m planning to do, I have his best interest in my heart. Mommy loves you, Owen. That will never change. I promise I will always take care of you, even from Heaven, if it will have me.

I was born in the back of a rusty Honda my mom bought to escape her own mother. You see, my grandparents were religious and ashamed that their daughter was pregnant out of wedlock. They forced her to give me away, so she ran away with 20 dollars in her pocket, a duffel bag full of clothes, and the old car she bought with her meager life savings. After she heard my first cry she cut my umbilical cord with a pocket knife, wrapped me in an old sweater, and drove away in the rusty and bloody Honda.

At first, she did her very best to raise me. She worked as a waitress and would take odd jobs here and there to support us. But one day, I must have been around five, she ran into a friend from high school. That’s when she started resenting me. I lost my mother the day that old highschool friend told her she was married, living in a beautiful suburban house and with a baby on the way. All my mother couldn’t have. She wanted more, and I was the thing stopping her from having it.

I could tell you about the beatings, but I don’t want Owen to read about them. I could tell you that I was kicked around the house like a football and treated like I was some monster she had a hard time facing, let alone loving. I could tell you about the men that often shared her bed, only to hours later share mine, after she fell asleep. My mother would turn a blind eye to it, telling me that life was full of men that wanted things for free, and it would be better for me to just get used to it. So I did.

Funny how people sometimes talk about self-respect and dignity with their mouths full. A social worker once told me that I didn’t have to endure violence, but she doesn’t know my life. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be so love-starved that dignity and self-respect are merely ideas compared to the physical pain lack of love brings. I’ve seen men risk their lives with their families, comfortable lives, not because they need to satisfy a lusty hunger, but because they need to fill the holes in their chests.

As a teenager, boys didn’t interest me, as I already had men I didn’t want in my bed. But there was one that stole my heart: the only one that actually showed kindness towards me, Owen’s father. See, when you are love-starved and someone actually gives you love, even in a very limited way, you feel like you can conquer the world. I know he probably didn’t love me as much as I loved him, but he was nice to me. He took care of me and iced my bruises when things were a little rougher at home, and stayed with me by the bridge smoking joints when I was hiding from my mother or one of her boyfriends. And because of that, I gave my body and soul to that red-haired boy. I let him touch me like those other men would touch me, and though I could see he wasn’t as experienced, he was more loving. I got pregnant at 17.

The bad thing about heritage is that it’s like a story that tends to repeat itself over generations. I didn’t escape my mother’s house, but I was kicked out the day I turned 18, my belly large and round as a full moon. I did not have my son in a rusty Honda, but I did have him on the kitchen floor of the diner I worked at, also as a waitress. The cook cut my son’s umbilical cord with his kitchen knife. The owner helped me find a shelter until I could get back on my feet and gave me a small raise to help me raise my baby. In six months, I was able to rent a one-bedroom old crooked house in the suburbs. The owner sometimes would give me diapers and cash for some special favors. I did them all gladly. All I ever did was for my son. We lived happily for a year, sleeping in a queen-sized bed, watching cartoons during my free time. Owen was incredibly smart and learned to talk real soon. His hair grew to have little red curls, just like his father, and he was my true companion. I don’t know if he understood all the things I told him, but he always listened to me.

My bad choice was Stan. I was love-starved. I had only met one man who had ever been kind to me, and it was a boy with hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. The burden of raising a child was too big for me to bear, and I needed someone to lean on. When Stan came with flowers and a promise of a happy life, although I didn’t love him, I took it. Owen needed a father, and I needed a husband. I didn’t want to become my mother. Her bed had seen more passengers than the city bus.

But Stan had no love to give. Stan was no different than all the other men that came to touch me at night. He only had demands and violence, and a bad taste for drugs. Whatever he had to give me, I took, I needed to numb the pain. I needed the high to stop caring, to stop feeling. But the high also made me stop caring for my son as he deserved. He deserves only the best.

When my son gets old enough to understand, tell him I’m sorry for not caring, tell him I’m sorry I left him alone with Stan so many times. I didn’t know, or didn’t want to believe, and it was only when I saw the bruises in this little body that I fully understood what was happening. That is my biggest regret. That I didn’t see it fast enough.

I could see the red flags rising, my heritage catching up with me, and this time I had to do something about it. I waited until Stan fell asleep and injected him with enough heroin to drop a horse. I know what will happen to me, I know soon enough I’ll be in jail, maybe for a lifetime. And I can’t burden my son with that. And to be honest, I’d rather have a quick death than a slow painful life.

I know Owen can survive my death. He is a beautiful and smart child, he will find someone who loves him. This is my gift to him. A ticket out of here.

This is why I do this. Because I want to end this shitty heritage. Look for no kin, the only one left is my mother, and I don’t want her raising him. This must end with me. With me gone, he gets another chance to be someone else. A bad one or a good one, I have no idea. But surely a different one. Whether he is a doctor like his father, or a waiter like his mother, I hope at least he is not love-starved. If one day he asks why I died, tell him it was because I loved him more than my own life. He should feel loved at all times. Please love him like he deserves.

With all the gratitude in my heart,

Becca

Victor folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope. He didn’t know Becca, but he knew despair. And he knew what it was like to love like that. So deeply that life was meaningless if it wasn't devoted to the loved one’s happiness.

The knock on the door made Victor shift his focus to reality, quickly taking the three folders and putting them in his drawer. A second later, he heard a familiar, loving voice.

“Are you done with work? I’m going to get Owen in bed.”

Without a word, Victor got up from his chair and walked to his wife, taking her in his arms, planting a kiss on her hair.

“Everything ok?” She watched him carefully. “You look tense.”

“And you look tired.” He playfully turned her in his arms so she would face the door, pushing her to leave. “Come on. We need to put our son and then you in bed.”

His whole world fit perfectly in Owen’s bed: the boy in the middle, Victor and Andrea laying beside him. Despite being able to read perfectly at the age of 5, Owen began to appreciate the comfort of a bedtime story and would ask for one whenever possible. Andrea would convince Victor to read it because she loved how he would use different voices for different characters. And although he was extremely embarrassed at first, as soon as he saw the excited look in his son’s eyes and heard his wife’s amused giggles, he fully embraced his part, using the deepest voice to depict a big scary monster or a higher pitch to illustrate a naive princess.

As he reached the final pages of the book, Victor put aside the voices as usual, using his softest tone to lull his son to sleep. That particular night, his technique worked way too well: as he closed the book and gazed at his slumbering son, he found his wife curled against the little boy, eyes also closed, breathing slowly and deeply. He took the time to watch them, sleeping soundly, unaware of the evil in this world.

He would do anything to keep this bliss. His bliss. He would keep them safe, their smiles bright and happy, without the shadows of this world. No matter what it took.

#victor mlqc #victor mldd #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mldd fanfic #love and producer #growingtogether #Growing Pains - Series #victor x oc

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