#mood is still fluctuating like crazy sometimes

[alectoperdita]

Thanks to the anons that sent kind messages. Sorry for not responding to them individually, but each and every one is deeply appreciated. Today is slightly better. I hope everyone's day is going well and that you experience something which brings you joy.

[lilaccmilk]

Would You Still Love Me If I Was A Werewolf?

Pairing: Werewolf Boyfriend x Human!Reader Warnings: idk werewolf? shitty description of shifting into a werewolf. A/N: Now I know I said I'll make an OC, but I'm too indecisive to pick a name. Please send me name ideas for my OC.

You heard the door open and checked the time '11 pm'. You sigh feeling helpless. Your boyfriend has started coming home late, or sometimes staying cooped up in his room refusing to come out. This has been going on for a month, since the camping trip you went to with him and your friends.

Truth be told, at first when he started coming late you felt as if he was doing something behind your back. But his behaviour and mood keeps fluctuating. Sure he becomes aggressive. Very aggressive. But not towards you, god no, he could never be aggressive towards you. Either he's very clingy and needy, or just pulls away from you.

Not only that but he's gotten warmer. His voice has turned more.....deep. And he has a bit of a growl in his voice. He's gotten a bit taller, muscular. His teeth feel like they're sharper. In all honesty, he has started to feel like one of the creatures in a monster fucking blog. But you try to tell yourself that you must be imagining things. Sure you're delusional, but not that delusional.

Today was one of those days where he was feeling clingy towards you. You were lying on the couch, with your boyfriend partially on top of you, his head resting on your chest. When suddenly he looked up at you.

"Hey....love?" he started to speak. "Hmm?"

"I have a question....Would you still love me if i was a w-"

"Worm?" you cut him off with amusement in your eyes.

"Huh? a worm?" He blinked.

"Yeah, weren't you going to ask me if I'd still love you if you were a worm."

"No. What kind of stupid question is that? Wait nevermind. Let me rephrase....what do you think about werewolves?"

You stared at him, your thoughts going haywire ⎯ 'Why did he ask me that? Did he find out about my monster fucking blog? Did he go through my tumblr? Wait is that why he's getting distant.' ⎯ amidst the chaos in your head you managed to croak out "I uh...like to believe they're real. If it's about that werewolf blog I run, it's just fiction...right? Like you know, werewolves don't exist. It's like writing for a fictional character. If it bothers you I'll stop. I should have-" you get cut off by him kissing you.

"I um....well it might sound crazy. So let me show you instead of telling you." He stands up and then closes his eyes. You look at him in anticipation and feel the energy shift in the room, you notice him opening his eyes that have darkened. His bones start to break and stick out in directions they're not meant to stick out. His height grows and he starts snarling. After what feels like an eternity, you're face to face werewolf that is around 7 feet. Well not exactly face to face since he towers over you.

He then shifts back and now you're looking at your very human boyfriend again. You're too awestruck to do or say anything. And then, you squeal. In delight. This catches your boyfriend off-guard and he just tilts his head in confusion. You hug him, full force.

"Does this mean you're fine with me being a werewolf?" he asks tentatively.

"I love you for who you are, not for your appearance. And your werewolf side is still you. I'll always love you." you say with a grin.

"I'm glad I have you. And what was that about writing for werewolves? I'd love to hear about your fantasies love." he says with a teasing grin, but you know he was serious about knowing your fantasies. You're in for a long night.

[iztea]

Do you like drawing in a sense that it relaxes you? Like a hobby you‘re looking forward to after a day of work. Do you feel joy while you draw?

I‘m currently battling my art demons and came to the conclusion that drawing actually makes me feel shitty a lot of the time because I only take joy out of the results yk? So if it‘s good, great! If I get overwhelmed woah my world is breaking down. My therapist told me I need a hobby that actually relaxes me and that I like solely for itself, not connected to performance, and I was wondering if drawing is just generally the wrong thing for that or if there‘s a way for people to actually enjoy it in a relaxing way.

You‘re so open about your drawing process and you‘re my favorite art account so you fell victim to my question haha but I get that this ask is pretty specific and kinda weird, don‘t feel pressured to answer :)

i do very much enjoy drawing in a relaxing way; for me, it's the equivalent of playing video games or watching Netflix so, in a way, i think of drawing as "unproductive work". Not sure if you're actually looking for a solution-based answer to your problem or if you just want to hear my side/my opinion on the matter, but I'll try to delve into both. 

I think for me personally, I've always found drawing to be relaxing for the most part. Frustration is always to be expected, of course, but I wouldn't say it ruins the mood, it's just something that comes and goes. The only unpleasant part about drawing for me is strictly related to the social media aspect or just making it public. Now, I'm not sure if you have an art account as well or how much you relate to this but I very often dread posting stuff online. I kinda have to force myself almost every time to make something public because I hate the applause but I am also rational enough to understand that art is meant to be shared with others, even if I personally don't feel a strong need to... It's just one of those human behaviour things you have to mimic or adapt to get by, similar to many other things that don't make sense to me personally but I cognitively understand why they happen but I digress

 When it comes to the process itself, I actually enjoy it more than the final result. If I had a lot of fun experimenting with brushes and new techniques and crazy effects i saw online then i get a sense of joy no matter the end result, and here is where my first piece of advice comes into play: learn to enjoy the process without thinking of the destination. For me, even when I do have a clear idea in mind, it always fluctuates and I let it fluctuate. Sometimes it even looks like shit. So what? It's just for your eyes, who cares if it doesn't look good? Just call it a flop and move to another thing, or revisit it sometime later when your skills improve. This is even easier when you do not have an art account where you share your art, there's zero pressure, you're creating the pressure yourself.

Just think about it: 

>why do you feel shitty and overwhelmed? -> because you care about the end result

>why do you care? -> because if it turns out bad, it feels like wasted time. or because you put your worth into what you create or because [  fill in your answer here ]

>do you still want to continue drawing? -> if there is a way to enjoy it in a relaxing way, then yes i assume

Ok great! Then, the solution is to remove that root feeling of disappointment, overwhelm or despair by learning to appreciate the process of creation and bask in the uncertainty of it instead of being so dead-set on the final piece. If you are not content enough with your skills to end up drawing something that you're always satisfied with, and if it causes you this much distress, then drop your expectations and don't reach the finish line. I mean this literally: draw forever-WIPs. Sketches. Doodles. Don't render, don't even try to think of a color palette. Don't Finish Your Art. Enjoy the process of discovery, of trial-and-error of indecision and I can assure you it will be during these moments when you'll find the relaxation you're looking for.

Enjoyment and relaxation, in my experience, come from two places/approaches: 1. the subject itself and/or 2. noticing improvement in your skills.

To give you an example, when I was sick with fever I drew Dazai as that "let's take ibuprofen together" meme and I thought it was the best shit in the world I was on cloud nine and giggling to myself. Looking back on that art, I now realize it looks terrible (and i lowkey want to redraw it) but back then i was laughing while drawing it and felt Great. because I was drawing something i thought it was funny. Not even once did I think "oh man, I hope this turns out nice ohh it will be so awful if it doesn't the world will explode" because that was not its purpose. Granted i was a bit,,,,,, unwell given my sickly state but my point still stands! So, what I'm trying to say here is that you can try drawing "funny/silly" things as a way to sort of lessen that burden of expectations. Or just something you reaaalllly want to see and you know no one else will do it. Taking matters in your own hands type beat

The second way to enjoy drawing in a relaxing way is by taking the other route: instead of focusing on the subject matter, try focusing on new techniques, new brushes, new tutorials or approaches you found online. Basically, focus on improving your skills in a fun-no-pressure-no-strings-attached way while keeping your subject of choice neutral or uninteresting. Or maybe take the artwork of an artist you really like and try to deconstruct it/ reverse engineer it and apply it to your own art. But whatever you do or choose, just never finish it. let them stay as wips or else you won't be very.. relaxed.

*please note this is an "and/or" statement, so you can absolutely do both: try a new technique you found while drawing something that you also enjoy for uhhhhhhhhhhh relaxmaxxing as the would kids say

Lastly, what I would highly recommend is listening to Adam Duff's podcasts, he really hits the nail on the head when it comes to such topics and more, he really narrates and explores that soulful part of an artist way better than I ever could with this answer so please check him out, I think you'll find your answers there

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card readings - what I learned as a viewer/consumer

Part 02 of my vision of the use of pick a card readings. I’m someone who makes them but I also consume them as a viewer. I wanted to combine both in a post but it’s too damn long so I divided in two parts. Part 1, reader (link); and this is part 2, consumer.

Part 02 - From a viewer point of view

Link to part 01 here

I discovered pick a cards readings on YouTube back in 2017, was super into them for like a couple years before distancing myself from that whole thing due to realizing the spiritual bullshit I was getting myself into (it's a story on its own, so perhaps I'll go back to it at another time).

Found my way back to them back in December 2023, again on YouTube, then Tumblr, due to a specific love situation I needed insight on but for some reason wasn't willing or able to divine on on my own.

The Good & the Bad

I definitely think that they can bring actual insight to a situation. There were many time where I was blown-away by how accurately a pile described my situation, despite feeling like I was just ''randomly'' choosing the first one that pulled me in.

It's definitely an interesting exercise of intuition, to see if you're connected well to yourself and if you're able to grab the thread that shines with your color the most. It's quite fun to see that some days it seems really easy to find your pile from the first try, and some days you just struggle, or don't find it at all.

It's a nice way to get familiar with the feeling of your intuition ''clicking'' when you're looking at all the piles, and makes you realize that it's something that's available to a lot of people, and that's fascinating on its own.

That whole thing made me think about what was happening exactly. Like, is this internet reader I've never interacted with actually reading on my personal energy or situation? I don't think so. I went into it a bit in part 01 but yeah I think those readings target too general energies for that. I see it more like story lines floating in the air, and the reader is guided towards translating one of them (by who or why, I don't fucking know).

Don't get me wrong, it might still be accurate because we human are unique but we also are all the fucking same deep down, and history repeats itself all the time.

It's a game of resonance, as in, you're naturally drawn to the pile that holds the same note as the one you hold inside. And sometimes you do stumble upon a reading that is so crazy specific that it seems like it was made just for you. Not gonna get too into that because I found this post by @helianthus-tarot that explains it very well already.

However, something I've experienced myself and anyone has to be super careful about, is to not over do it.

I think it's very easy to end up in a toxic cycle when you keep looking at tarot spreads about the same topics. What happens is that you keep getting slightly different answers, which make you confused about the situation, so you want to find more, and confuse yourself even further in the process, thus starting an obsessive cycle of not feeling satisfied with anything.

It also removes your sense of agency. You end up trusting what you read online more than your own intuition and guidance and you abandon yourself, in a way.

I'm saying that because I went through phases where I was ob-sess-ed with those damn PAC because of a love situation that was frustrating me a lot, and my mood would actually fluctuate a ton if I got a good one or a bad one. It's like I was trapped inside my own head and was just mirroring the chaos happening within me and mistaking it for reality. It's possible that some of them were actually real but I had no way of knowing because I was seeking as many PAC in a day as I could, thus drowning any useful message and keeping myself in a state of fear that colored everything else.

So yeah that's your PSA to be more mindful about what PAC you decide to read or watch. Don't just read everything all the time. Take breaks and only do it if you actually have a clear issue in mind and feel called to a reading, and once you get the message you needed, let it rest until you or the situation develops further.

[gettinshiggywithit]

Hiii I'd like to say congrats on 300 followers! Since you started an event I thought I'd take part, may I request the Genderbent prompt/AU with Nikolai? Fem!reader is preferred but you can do GN if you want, have a lovely day ✨

𝔸 𝔽𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕆𝕗 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Summary: Summary: your girlfriend’s hilarious but also scarily dangerous,but she loves you and that’s all you could ever ask for..right?

Pairing: Nikolai x Fem!Reader [genderbent AU]

Genre: fluff-y?

Event MasterList

Hmm what would a relationship with Ms nikolai gogol be like? lets see!

Honestly she’s just fun,like REALLY fun

Like she can read you like a book but you can’t read her??? (she likes to keep you on your toes)

Can be the most understanding and accepting person you’ve ever met and honestly under her entire ‘fun’ personality,she’s actually really deep and can empathise with you on a lot of stuff.(but if she catches herself she might just brush it off like its nothing and go back to her usual facade)

Does she trust you? Not totally.

Would she feel hurt if you didn’t trust her? Kinda.

Why? Because while she cant guarantee that she’ll be able to tell you everything,she still loves you and the feeling that you doubt that kinda hurts.but she also knows its fair…

Sometimes she’ll get into bed after you’ve already gone to sleep and she’ll just stay there lookin down at you,gives you a little kiss on the forehead too

Gags a little when she catches herself doing that…(WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS????NOTHING SHOULD HAVE THIS TYPE OF HOLD ON HER!)

But when she realizes you cant see it,she just decides to go ahead.it doesn’t matter as long as you cant hold her to her actions right?

Despite this,is also very outwardly affectionate with you?

QUEEN of PDA.

Like she sees a guy,or girl?, lookin at you and she immediately kisses your hand,or,depending on the situation,she just kisses you~

Honestly? A good kisser~(ofc what else would we expect~)

Random couple-y things with her would include painting your nails and doing eachother’s  hair.

Is actually great at doin a plethora of hairstyles,like she has hairstylist-level technique and knowledge.

Girl talk is the best cos she honestly has almost no filter and has so much teaaaaa

Also is very open to like any conversation.she doesn’t let anything limit her in anyway(but hopefully she’ll let her love for you have its hold on her?)

Can be batshit when need be. have an ex who continuously bothers you? “LETS GO WRECK THEIR RIDE BABE!”

Oh and if youre ever bein harassed? She can act crazy enough for the guy/s to want to leave you two alone.you both laugh abt it later and it’s another funny story for her to tell her fedya about.

She Is honestly just a little possessive. Like the classic explanation of ‘you cant hold me down if youre mine!’ but she also cant say no to you…

If you ever end up in trouble because of her work?the entire DOA is comin to the rescue!(its actually just fedya and sigma BUT THAT’S ENOUGH!)

I think she’d try as hard as she could to keep the more unsavoury parts of her job (which is kinda most of it…) away from you. She’s not opposed to showing you,but she’d rather you didn’t have to witness those things…

Feeling sad? She’s by your side with booze,tissues,magic tricks and whatever you need. Even if its just an ear to listen,she’s there for you.because you’re always there for her,and she feels like it’s the least that she could do.

Over time,she learns that she can he totally herself with you.its still a very weird feeling,but its also just a little liberating?

But again,when she feels like she’s getting too comfortable,she basically recoils back in again.

And the fact that you’re willing to wait for her and put up with her continuously fluctuating moods and temperament really does mean a lot.

If you ever have long hair or even slights long hair, and you cut it? She’ll ask for a few strands to  braid into hers….does she hate how it feels like she’s binding herself to you? Yes.does she tell herself its her choice and she can choose to take it off or even leave you if she wants? Yes. Would she? Who knows….

The physical representation of the,  “I made a bracelet for you” “ew I don’t want it” “oh its okay you don’t have to wear it-” “no shut up im never taking it off” meme.

Ngl,Fyodor worries that sometimes she’s in too deep…but knows that she’ll ultimately do the right thing.

But what is the right thing? You ? or the DOA?

No one really knows.

But hey! Isn’t that part of the fun?!!

Tag list(open):- @diagonal-queen

All rights reserved © 2023 gettinshiggywithit. Please do not repost, modify or claim as yours. Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

[candyheartedchy]

throwing my two cents into the. many-romantic-f/o discussion.

im still tryna figure my own out QwQ right now i have three. but. ive had a maximum of ten at once, i think.

although i admit ive had at least one friend push f/os on me if i showed even the slightest interest, and nearly all of them only stuck around for a short amount of time… it wasnt until the last year when i really started to figure out my own tastes without a friend playing “wingman” and letting crushes come and go without forcing them to stay until they’re stretched thin, and my tumblr blog’s development really reflects that as well.

im even revisiting old crushes occasionally to see if anything has changed, and even some of my former romantic f/os are now platonic.

sometimes i feel a little weird with my fluctuations when all my friends either have a set-in-stone small list of f/os they always post about or have 50+ f/os they bounce between based on their mood. but in the end of the day. no matter how crazy big someone’s f/o list may seem to you…

um…

i forgot where i was going with this, it was gonna be something along the lines of “do your own thing” QwQ

No, I get what you’re saying. Like I use to feel my list was long, and worried when I change f/os here and there. But like you said we are all allowed to do our own thing when it comes to our f/os and how many to have.

[xx-4d4msf4m1ly-xx]

Welcome to my blog, tumblr denizens!

Hello. My name's Tempyst and I am the mod of this blog. Lute is currently occupied with several crucial stuff, so I'm in charge here. You can interact with my other sisters who also share this blog too. However, just know that depending who you ask, we all react differently ;D Fellow Comrades: - Spectre - Kira - Mare Fallen: - Bloodbat - Cynthia Additional information will be included in separate posts for both me and my comrades ADMIN SECTION: I, @scourgeofshadows run this blog You can call me Scourge of Shadows, Scourge, Leere, Void Cryptid, or Mortis (I prefer not to mention my real name here). As you can tell, I definitely go fandom hopping depending where my mood/interests take me. This is the first time I decide to mess around and create a blog dedicated to specific fandom obsessions. I'm a digital artist, activity here fluctuates (I have no specific schedule atm), demi non-binary/sorta genderfluid, demiromantic aceflux, and am on the spectrum :D Rules: 1. DNI if you are: homophobic, transphobic, minor (if you still wanna look at my blog, you can't say I didn't warn you), racist, genocide supporter, ableist, a bigot, pro-life, etc. 2. Yes. I can be a crazy anon sometimes, so I have quite a tolerance and patience to those who also wanna be weird. However, PLS make it clear you AREN'T trying to be creepy or threatening to me or else there will be consequences. 3. The degree I permit NSFW depends. I won't accept NSFW if it's directed to me (fuck off creeps pls), and if I think either of my characters might have a love interest created by another blog, I may be open to it, but otherwise, I'll reject it. 4. If you don't tolerate blood, gore, violence, heavy subjects (whether that be religious, political, mental, etc.), and some NSFW, then I recommend you don't look at my blog pls 5. This blog is part of an au, so there is a particular storyline (interactions with other characters will likely be in their own domain), tho I do intend to seek crossovers if it befits the plot (and IF other creators are ok with it)... 6. Pls be sure to introduce yourself before suddenly jumping in and rping in my messages (that would be ideal & make interactions more smooth) 7. My activity level fluctuates, so pls don't be alarmed if I seemed to have "died" Maalikverse au comic: 1st Arc (START): - Your name is Tempyst - The Void Angel who Never Smiles - Now back to Reality... - Vaggie's Hesitation - End of Arc 1 2nd Arc - Your name is [ERROR] - Poor Unfortunate Souls

[rayne-storm]

On A Hot Summer Night

AUgust 5. Were-Creature

Fandom: DC

Summary: SuperBat

Clark Kent has a secret. Well. He has a lot of secrets but this is the first that Bruce Wayne hasn't been able to deduce himself. It's definitely strange, the way the Kryptonian's moods ebb and flow, how he gets more irritable with the moon cycle. It could be the way that the Full Moon seems to bring out the crazies, but Clark seems to run opposite.

A/N: Nothing really happens in this one, but I'm decently satisfied for now.

****

Bruce Wayne knows ever single secret Clark Kent has ever tried to keep from him. Except for one.

Clark Kent's general vibe, as it were, was positive and loving and gentle. But even he, the sweetest human Bruce had literally ever met, had bad days, it seemed. When he got… surly. Agitated. He'd lock himself away for a day because of it, sometimes.

It was fascinating for Bruce to observe. Eventually he began to notice a pattern. It seemed to be about once a month, and for a brief time he wondered if the Kryptonian was… menstruating? Maybe? But no... it fluctuated when they went to space, or when they were in other regions. Bruce about kicked himself when he figured it out:

Clark's moods were based around the Moon.

Was Clark Kent…..?

The old, often supremely hyperbolic stories typically ran opposite to what he observed, where Clark became more agitated as the moon waned, not when it grew fuller. And he had seen Clark on evenings with New Moons (rare though they may have been). But those days (those nights, really) were the ones he'd most often lock himself away.

Superman hadn't said anything, of course, he was always private about the "alien" parts of himself (particularly those he was uncomfortable with), but the cunning Batman couldn't just let this go.

He knew all of Superman - Kal-El - Clark Kent's secrets. All of his likes, dislikes, political views, private indulgences… it was foreign, to have something so seemingly important, so huge, so… monstrous, perhaps, hidden from him, beyond his deductive powers.

A younger version of himself would have snuck into Clark's home during one of these self-imposed exiles. But older Bruce had some experience with why that was a horrible idea. He did, admittedly, briefly consider secret cameras. But that also felt simply too invasive.

He wondered if this was how Clark felt about him, but all the time? He didn't think he liked that. Why? Why did this bother him so much, and why did he hate the feeling that Clark likely only saw him as a quiet, stuffy rage-machine? Knew only the barest details of his life?

He had a lot of self-reflecting to do.

--

"Kent," he began one afternoon, towards a new moon, "Would you like to come by for dinner?"

Clark raised an eyebrow, glancing over incredulously.

"Is Alfred gone and you need a cook?" He asked dryly.

Bruce grumbled and shook his head.

"No. I'd just like to have dinner, with you. Is that so unbelievable?" He asked, shaking his head.

Clark snorted - snorted! - in what appeared to be indignation?

"Yes. It is. You never 'just like' to do anything. What do you actually want, Bruce?" He asked.

Snappish. Grumpy, even. Bruce expected this, of course, but it was still off-putting.

"Your company. Maybe a nice talk. A night with nothing do-or-die to worry about," he murmured, glancing over sidelong for a better look at the Man of Steel.

Clark was… blushing. Or the heat was picking up. Perhaps both. It was... Endearing.

"Talk about what?"

"You, me, us."

"US? What about us?" More incredulity.

"I'd like for there to be an us," Bruce confessed, heart hammering. He wondered if Supes could hear it. Probably. Thinking about it did nothing to slow that heart-rate down.

Superman sighed and shook his head, turning to fully look at him.

"And why on earth would you, of all people, want there to be an 'us?' What are you trying to get at, Bruce?"

"Okay, that's rude. Is it really that unbelievable? I don't want anything ulterior. This isn't a manipulation, not more than any interaction with anyone ever is. I would like you to come home, with me, and have dinner. I would like it to be a date. Cards well and fully on the table, I would like you to not go home after dinner, either."

It was about the most honest he'd ever been about pretty much anything.

"I don't know if tonight is a good night for me," Clark finally said.

"Because of whatever is going on with you and the moon?" Bruce asked, point blank.

Clark turned red, brows furrowing. "How do you-"

"I pay attention," Bruce interrupted, shrugging, "you get… moody, close to a new moon, and usually stay in the night of."

Clark sighed and shook his head.

"You pay far too much attention to these things."

"Only because I care."

It was true enough, though the way he cared about Clark, and how he observed him, did differ a bit from the way he cared to know what was going on with the other League members.

"I… it's complicated."

"Do you turn into a werewolf?"

"What??"

"Do you turn into a werewolf," Bruce repeated, slower.

"No! That's ridiculous!"

"Not necessarily. We've both seen too much to say things like that. Things like a giant crocodile man, a giant shark man, Santa Claus, Man-Bat…" Bruce trailed off with a wry grin. Sure, most of those lived in Gotham, but still…

"I… I never… thought of it like that. But no, not a wolf. I'm not sure… what I would call it. Kind of like a bear, but… not."

"A not-bear? So… big, hairy, sharp teeth, temper?"

Clark sighed and buried his forehead in his hands.

"When you say it like that it does sound like a werewolf. But it's not… wolfish. Really."

"Okay, so you're a were-bear, then? Man of Steel, Bear of Moon?"

It was awful even before it left his mouth, but it did make Clark burst out laughing, so that was something.

"Sure, Bruce."

"Good. Now, come to dinner with me. The mansion can handle a whatever you are. I mean it."

Clark looked over at him properly, tilting his head.

"You really aren't giving up on this. You really want to go on a date this badly?" He asked, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"I do. Bear or no Bear. I want to know the real you. And… I want you to know about me, too."

"I saw you struggle with that last bit. I suppose I can trust it. Fine. I'll be there at 8. Lock up the liquor, make sure no one's home but us… and I'll try."

Bruce couldn't help his grin, and knew how strange it must look to the Kryptonian.

"Excellent. I'll be… Beary glad… to have you."

Clark groaned and laughed at the same time, and Bruce felt a twinge in his heart. If this was what love felt like… maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

[your-regina]

Can I talk to you about something?

I wouldn't say I'm secretive about it. In fact, I guess I'm generally quite open about my struggles, maybe as a way to explain myself and avoid misunderstandings; but still, I'd say this is one of those topics I don't bring up too often, not too openly at least.

You see, I'm quite reticent to say it explicitly, because I feel like it could set expectations about me that I don't necessarily meet. At a first glance, I guess it could be rather hard to tell I struggle with such a thing, since I used to pride myself in being quite rational and logical, and also - most importantly, to be exact - I don't really meet all of the criteria, physically at least.

But still, I'd like you to believe me, because even I need that sort of favours once in a while, and because sometimes even I don't believe it.

I fluctuate a lot in this regard, and sometimes you could see me decimating a whole fridge without batting an eye, but also sometimes I'd probably reject a glass of water. And in both occasions, I don't have a second of peace, since my brain is wired to feel a certain way forever; an illness so silent but inescapable, that's what it is.

I'm telling you this because I don't feel too happy about my situation right now, just because I've realized that even in the best circumstances ever, my mind will always refuse to accept a truce.

The worst part is that after so much time living this way I'm unable to be mad about it, I don't really feel anything negative at all, I just think it is what it is. Just the way I'd say I'm a brunette with brown eyes and big lips, I think it's turned into one of my traits.

I once asked my psychologist if such a thing was even possible, leaving her puzzled. I asked something along the lines of "What if I don't need to recover? Could I simply live like this? What if it isn't something bad?"

My psychologist was basically battling me and my flawed logic every single week, until she gave up at last. Or I'd say we both gave up and silently agreed on the idea that I'm a lost cause.

Since that time, things have both improved and gotten worse over and over, like a never ending merry-go-round, always ending up in the same place. And maybe I should be ashamed to even think like this, but the only thing that bothers me is how this entire ordeal has remained dutifully fruitless. For sure, there are always some clues here and there about this situation, only if you squint.

In any case, what prompted this entire letter in the first place was the absolute nightmare I've been living these past few months. I've been battling the numbers for at least a month, since it looks like I've hit the most annoying plateau ever. So I'm not even mad about the truly disgusting things I've been doing - as it happens whenever I reach this point - but rather how pointless it all seems. No one even knows about it, so there's no one to laugh at me, but I feel like an absolute fool every single morning. Isn't it crazy how something so stupid can completely change the way I perceive the world?

I wake up so mad I can't bring myself to put on my customer service smile, and even my medicine isn't doing the trick now. You know how I told everyone I was taking it to improve my mood? Turns out it was all because it surpresses appetite, and when it comes to these things I become an A1 actress, a liar. I tell so many lies I even believe some of them sometimes.

But you know, the downside of this medicine is how it surpresses all kinds of appetite, even one of which I rely on to keep me happy as well, so surprisingly I've made the choice to opt out of it sometimes, despite knowing how arbitrary that is. Not like I'm ever going to police myself when it come to such decisions.

I want to tell you before I do it because I believe I should leave some sort of record when I venture into dumb journeys like this. Who knows, maybe it will be worth something for someone?

As for the nightmarish things I've done as a result of this condition, I think heaven knows enough.

- Yours, Regina

[moutainrusing]

bathrobes >>

thank you! i’m feeling better, i hope you also feel better despite the cold and grey! i think everyone’s mood always fluctuates, so it's normal to have slightly worse days, i know i’ll always have better ones later. it's just so DARK, i have to wake up at 6am: it looks like night, then i get home at 5pm: it looks like night… so it feels like i’ve spent my whole day at school and now it's time to sleep… do you ever feel like you’re more tired during winter too? because other animals hibernate, and i feel like i partly hibernate too😭

snow is so cold! it looks very pretty, but going out in it is🥶 (i embody that emoji) but winter is cold even without snow, so i agree, snow at least makes the coldness better. hopefully you won't have to go outside in the snow too much, and you can observe it from afar🤞

same! we’re both born in june! when you said you need the sun, i immediately thought “you’re photosynthetic”😌😭 i love lazy days in the heat too! i prefer being outside, but i also like doing nothing, and summer lets me do both. why do your friends love winter? all my friends agree that spring/summer are better, i thought that was the general consensus… autumn would be good, except now it's as cold as winter🥲 christmas is the only thing that makes winter warmer, i think the reason it's in december is to make the dismal weather seem brighter, there are christmas lights as it gets dark 24/7, huge decorations, fun everywhere, warmth… but as soon as that's over, it gets grey and gloomy again, i can picture the discarded wrapping paper, taking the lights down… overall, i definitely prefer summer. after christmas, it's still winter and it's miserable😭

universities always have such cool and specific courses. mechatronics sounds super interesting already. is it related to mechanics and electronics? are you planning on doing those things for a job in the future? practicals for it sound amazing, and you guys seem to get a lot of cool equipment, like soldering? that’s awesome. do you get to work collaboratively, and how long do all these courses take to complete? (they sound hectic!) it’s fine that you can’t explain, but that really does sound complicated😭 and crazy, because, with a pencil? a whole instrument? which worked? crazy. i’m glad it was like a fever dream for you? absolute vibe. please tell me about more practicals and courses, i’m gonna hope that one day i’ll understand…

i think uni kicks everyone’s butts, but i give you my eternal sympathy, you’re doing awesome just by being there. and yes, appreciate the good things: coffee and friends!! (you put coffee first, life must be rough😭)

a-levels (advanced level qualifications) must sound so weird to people who don’t have them… they’re 2 year courses for people aged 16-18 and they’re considered ‘further learning.’ they’re optional, students can choose any path after gcses (exams for 15/16 yr olds which are ‘general certificates of education’) but in my opinion, a-levels are the most useful to get into uni. we can choose 3 or 4 specific subjects and learn about them, more in depth than we did for gcse level, in preparation for uni courses, which will definitely be even harder. at the end of the a-level courses, we take the exams which cover all the knowledge, and those grades are sent to the unis of our choice to try and get in. feel free to ask me more questions if you want :)

i don’t mind the system? i haven’t really known any others, and i like going in depth into the subjects i like. sometimes i wish i could do more, but that would be a LOT of work, and i made sure to choose the subjects i enjoyed the most. which are a really strange combination, i chose: maths, physics, spanish, english literature. right now, i think i like maths and spanish the most, because physics is confusing me (i still love it though) and english is just fancy texts, which have inspirational messages when you analyse them, but they’re difficult to read!

hellooo you are one of my favourite moots so when i ask you how you are, you can’t be dry about it :) HOW ARE YOU?!

hey!! Thanks for the question, it's too sweet of you!

I'm doing okay! Usually hate the November grayness, it's really horrid outside, and I do wanna lounge in bed most of the time. However, I think it's been good to stay in touch with my friends.

University can be a pain most days, but my friends are the best part of it all, and I love them all so much. (Knock on wood hahaha). Anyway, its an interesting course at uni, I'm having fun with it, even if it's a bit tough.

I just miss the sun. I miss bright summer days that were warm! But at least I can curl up in a blanket with a hot cocoa and read, so that's something to look forward to!

What about you? How have you been?

[ohlovxr]

STOPPP ITS CONSUMING MY THOUGHTS,,,, older!stepbro!eddie moving his RV down to the car park for Plausible Deniability just to sneak in your bedroom window in the evening. him eating you out under the duvet in your dimly-lit bedroom, your other pillows and blankets neatly arranged to hide the shape of him laid out below you, his shoulders spreading your thighs wide, wide open the way he likes it. You’re supposedly doing schoolwork. you’ve got your laptop out and everything, the tinny crackle of a bad recording of a lecture you’ve already seen playing unheard in the background, volume cranked up just loud enough to hide the sounds—his mouth on your pussy, his tongue lapping at your clit, his fingers, drenched, moving in-out, in-out, your unsteady breathing and the soft, clipped noises that break from your chest despite how hard you try to suppress them. And you really do try, but with Eddie it’s like he wants it. Like that’s part of what’s in it for him—pushing you to the very edge of your composure— so the more you fight it the harder he pushes you, steadying your hips with one big hand pressed against your belly and dragging the pad of his tongue in rough circles around your oversensitive clit, sucking at it until it’s swollen and puffy and twitching in his mouth every time he hits that sweet spot inside of you with his fingers. Likes to have you biting your knuckles or burying your face in a pillow aHis uncle calls up from the landing wondering if you’ve seen him and you stammer out a wobbly “no, I haven’t, sorry,” and under the covers Eddie’s eyes gleam up at you and his teeth flash in a conspiratorial grin as he grinds the pad of his thumb into your clit and hooks his fingers up against that sensitive spot and it takes everything you have not to cry out. as his uncle’s reply echoes up the stairwell— “oh, the RV’s not in the driveway— he’s probably staying the night with one of the guys from the band. Nevermind, then— sorry to interrupt your studying.”

“‘S okay, don’t— don’t worry about it,” you manage to stammer as the mounting pressure in your belly surges, peaks, your muscles taut and trembling despite how hard you fight to keep try them still— and eddie’s a good stepbro, he knows you, knows when you’re overwhelmed, and so of course he’s right there to smother your cries in a kiss as you cum, shaking, against his hand.

anyway. ur reply to my other au idea was like crack cocaine. i have so many stebro au eddie thoughts but if ur not in the mood for him ion wanna spam u with em. ik how it be sometimes the Moods be Fluctuating

aksjskj omfg

he’s always doing shit that’s bound to get you caught though!! it feels like it’s his thing bc of how much of a shithead he is.

he’s constantly groping you around the house - full on squeezing your ass or your boob when someone looks away for a split second - and literally keeps his hand practically cupping your pussy (that’s how fucking far up he rests it on your thigh) whenever he decides to join dinner.

he also joins you in the shower literally whenever there’s people home just to fuck with you. you’re all panicky when he slips in behind you, asking him “did anyone see you come in? are you fucking crazy?” as he’s literally just grinning to himself and letting his hard cock prod your ass until you get that he’s really not going anywhere and you might as well just bend over n let him fuck you even though someone might fucking hear 🙄

[thotsforvillainrights]

:>! Hello! I would like to request something!

So like... Trumpet and Twice. They satisfy my daddy issues, big boy complex, and they kinda goofy so I'm in love obvi.

Could I request Trumpet, Twice, Skeptic, Nine, and Spinner with an S/O who is a very high sex drive? And a daddy kink? Reader would be like 20-22 (this is basically projecting don't mind it)?

If it's not too much trouble ofc-

(Oh God...If I could handle re-reading my own stuff I'd eat this tf up in a heartbeat. Anyway, I don't think I'd specify the age in this one too much so PLEASE do not kill me or be mad about that one lol. I'll personally do my best at this one, wish me luck!)

~Trumpet/Twice/Skeptic/Nine's S/O with a High Drive~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

~Trumpet~

-Oh well he was trying to play it cool with you. He was trying to be a gentleman, suave and relaxed. He wanted it bad but he was going to be a little coy with it. That went out the window when you effortlessly seduced him the first time you decided it was time to stop holding back. By the time you were done with him his mind was blown. His drive tends to be high for his age and that's good...but it's nothing compared to you. You could keep going and going for hours. That (to him) was a dream come true. Sometimes he had a hard time catching up to you so keep in mind this 35-40 something year old man needed a water break in between sometimes. When you showed him just how much you could take his cock, he took advantage of it gladly. Throw the word daddy around in there and it's history. You had him going to work with his shirt inside out and hickies riddled along his neck. He always tried to gently scold you about his public appearance but you only stared at him with that damned look in your eyes. He chuckled and began to sweat a bit. "Oh I have the feeling you aren't even listening right now are you?" He teased as you leaned to whisper in his ears. "I'm sorry Hanabata. Why don't you punish me since I've upset you?" He chuckled and loosened his tie. "Just might have to take you up on that offer."

~Twice~

-Believe it or not, he didn't have a high drive. It wasn't low, but it wasn't super high either. I'd say it fluctuates evenly. So when you got him in the bedroom and fucked him until he felt stupid he realized you were NOT a game. Sometimes he was down for challenging you. Letting daddy fly, lots of rough biting and pulling, sometimes even spanking. Then other times he was more mellowed out, slow love making and lots of eye contact. Whatever he chose didn't matter as long as you could have his cock buried deep inside of you. I think your main way of getting him since he was away with the League doing his thing, is by sexting with him. I suspect he has to clear out his gallery ever so often considering some of the others (you know who) likes to go through his phone as a joke. Although he wasn't always down for you, he still wanted to let you know how hot and bothered you make him. If ever a time came that your drive EVER slowed down, he'd pick it up for you and carry the weight of all that entails;)

~Skeptic~

-You've got mismatched drives for sure. His is not as high as yours. Hell it's barely high at all, but this doesn't mean he doesn't want you real bad sometimes. He often tortures both himself and you. He keeps from taking part in the pleasure as he exchanges that time for hard work at Feel Good. He's a bit of a tease and very good at denying your advances. Nice try when you sent him those scandalous pics but he's not leaping at the chance just yet. No, he likes holding off and making you hold it too. That makes you go all the more crazy when he finally grants you what the two of you want so badly. And he lets you go again, and again, and again. Go on, drive him wild. You waited and you earned it. He'll tell you himself to milk his cock dry of every last drop you can take. Sometimes when he's not in the mood he likes to watch you take care of yourself. If you're really freaky then you know he wants to record it. He might want to build up his own little collection dedicated to you only. (as far as Daddy eh...you might have to collab on that with him. He's not opposed to it, but he's into other stuff more)

~Nine~

-Before he got sick I'm sure his drive was high honestly. Now it's more moderate these days. But the thing with him is that he's a pleaser. He seeks to please you and make sure you're fulfilled in every aspect of the relationship. If he can't fill you with his cock then he'll quickly put his mouth to work instead. He takes his time with you, opting for long drawn out love making sessions rather than rapid-fire fucking. But now that being said, don't think for a second he lacks the ability/potential to fuck you crazy. With him it's one of those rare things you have to wait on. He will say anything and do anything to make sure you cum under his ministrations. If the daddy kink is involved then he's good with it. It doesn't matter if there's ropes or chains or feathers or oil, whatever you name it. It's all in the name of love for you. Plus let's be real here, I feel like he's got a few kinks he's going to be into after he explores them for a bit.

[neptune-midheaven]

💓 Astro Notes PT 4 ! 💓

+i’m back!! i’ll be posting more ever since school ended for me recently, expect a lot more posts going in-depth about each placement!! thank u all so much for being patient, love to you all <33. enjoy these highly generalized observations haha+

*Having your chart ruler in the social houses, 1st, 7th, 10TH, 11TH, sometimes 3rd is a sign of popularity, someone who works well with people, people naturally liking them, seeing them as friendly people, the planet of the chart ruler just affects the exact energy, how it’s expressed what they’re popularrr FOR. Even if it’s pluto the person will still be a magnetic and intense influence in this area. 

*Moon-uranus aspects can become addicted to their phones or the internet as the person emotionally depends on technology, it’s more exemplified with the harsher, tighter aspects.

*It’s possible for aquarius and gemini venuses to identify as asexual, they’re more likely to prefer more mentally stimulating romances rather than sexual encounters, detached natures in their relationships can be the root for this. This is a highly generalized opinion however, it could manifest far differently for ANYONE.

*Pluto in 1st conjunct the ascendant creates intenseee people, they draw a lot of people to them, everyone has their attention.

*People who have part of fortune in their 8th house live a long life, they have luck with escaping death.

*Multiple capricorn placements and the risings especially are veeeinyy, skinny and bony.

*Jupiter in 10th have a reputation for being jolly, fun and extroverted, travels a lot, their careers have to do with the foreign and studies, they’re especially known for being very educated and big humanitarians.

*Moon in 10th, moon-midheaven is known for crying a lot in public, they’re seen having meltdowns, breakdowns or emotional outbursts now and then.

*Moon-neptune were very close to their mothers at a young age, they always cried when she wasn’t near them.

*Sun-neptune were close to their fathers as children, both of these neptune aspects are dependent on how positive or negative the aspect is, positive denotes positive relations, negative being a sign of abandonment or disconnect from one of the parents or both if the individual has both aspects.

*Moon in leo/5th hate when they can’t express themselves and their emotions.

*Pisces mercury/12th house mercury are more likely to develop speech impediments, stutters. There’s just something unique about how they communicate as well.

*Libra in 6th are lazyy planners, they meet a lot of love interests and get crushes at work.

*You’ll experience strong, irresistible attraction toward the sign ruling your 8th house cusp, almost telepathic. 7th house cusp is the energy of the partners whom you attract, date, fall in love with.

*Neptune/pisces in 11th have friends who try to introduce them to drugs, friends can be toxic, draining depending on the condition of neptune, sorry to taurus and some gemini risings.

*Venus in 10th/11th in a chart automatically makes the person an extrovert, a good social worker.

*How tf do i come up with these.

*Having your 9th house ruler in 5th makes traveling seem like a hobby, a fun activity to you to entertain yourself or something you enjoy. These people want to travel everyday. They’re also lovers of learning, they look for smart, educated partners.

*Having your 2nd house ruler in 9th house means a job that involves traveling, making money over seas.

*Cappy suns are huge huge HUGE social creatures. Or the complete opposite.

*Uranus in 11th can make new friends crazy fast due to uranus’ quick! energy, just like lightning. Online, they can gain followers the same way, but their numbers always fluctuate or become spontaneously unstable ex: follow:like ratio could be out of wack.

*Mars in 12th love playing violent video games, like gta for example.

*Uranus in 4th could have an unstable family life if negatively aspected, a stimulating and revolutionizing one if they’re positive.

*Libra moons feel emotionally satisfied once a tense situation is smoothed over or balanced out, imbalance or chaos puts them on edge.

*Pisces suns can never figure out who they truly are as a person because of so much exposure to so many different things, morphing and adapting changes them sm bc they’re so mutable.

*Aries moons can be seen as people pleasers similar to libra moons, however it’s only in a way that they truly care just like libra, they care passionately about the people they love. This doesn’t necessarily make them people pleasers of course!! It’s only an aries-libra parallel.

*Saturn in 9th have delays in getting their degrees, it’ll become easier for them to graduate college after their saturn return.

*Mercury in 4th//cancer have excellent memories, they often make fantastic historians, someone who can keep track of the past. Real estate, home business/ careers would best suit them. They also have lovely voices 😻.

*Mutable mercuries’ speaking style is highly influenced by others, they can adapt to the specific speaking styles of others, adapt to unique communication styles from other people.

*Aries rising produces the most red heads out of all of the rising signs, next being leo.

*12th house stellium people feel so... watery

*Youll feel more empathetic and connected to those who share your moon sign or 12th house placements, any placement at all as you of course can be nice, understanding and a bit empathetic, however these two are far more potent and unifying.

*Aquarius placements mean you don’t take whatever planet is in this sign or house this sign rules seriously, it creates a sense of detachment from that area or part of your life.

*Contrary to belief, fires moons are more empathetic than water moons.

*Mercury in 12th people, i love y’all so much ughhh, you’re so sweet and gooeyy, ur ideas and mind are so important and gorgeous. Very artistic and soft minds, fragile thoughts that need to be encouraged by others closest to them. They’re usually very smart and especially talented and creative.

*Water moons have THE prettiest eyes, all of them are just gems swirling with colorful, vibrant soul.

*Moon conjunct ascendant can have their moods being visibly shown on their faces or expressions.

*Scorpio moons are intense but very attractive, it’s hard to keep your eyes off of them and their compelling auras.

*Libra risings can experience getting ignored in group settings. Virgo in 12th could promote this as they’re always hard working behind the scenes it’s almost neglected.

*Aquarius risings have this cute, quirky vibe about them which makes you want to be friends with them.

*Your moon in someone else’s 11th house is indicative of the house person feeling as though they can open up to you, that you two understand one another completely. It’s a very open minded and comforting synastry emotionally.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Sick Days

A/N: Another Steve AU for you guys. Also, I just hit 100 followers (like after I began writing this) which is crazy so thank you all! I’ll probably do one of those follower milestone things, I just have to figure out what. Thank you again my lovelies, I love you all! Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x F!Chubby!Reader (Or skinny reader, you can really fluctuate to your body type.) Word count: 2,486 Warnings: Some slight angst against side characters, swearing.

"Where’s Y/N?” His voice boomed to his various employees, the important ones all across the glass table in the large conference room. The sunlight beaming in through floor to glass windows was interrupted with shadows of the New York skyline, or at least the few buildings that were as high if not higher than the one that occupied Rogers Industries. Everyone fell completely still, completely quiet.

“Um, she texted me this morning, saying she was very sick, Mr. Rogers.” One of his associates very quietly replied.

“She’s sick?” He asked, sighing deeply, turning around and marching out of the room. He flew past the various hallways, every employee immediately moving out of their way for him in confusion and fear. Making his way to his office on the top floor, he slammed the grand doors grabbing his phone and immediately dialing your number. 

“Steve?” You answered after the third ring. Your voice was crackly, he could hear your sniffly nose from the other end, “I’m sorry I didn’t call I-” “Hey, hey, baby.” He cooed, immediately understanding you were actually sick, “No need to justify. How are you feeling?” His voice grew soft and tender, his face dropping from tensions with anger to now tensions with concern.

“Like death.” You responded, to which he sighed, “I haven’t been able to get out of bed, I have a fever of 102, I can’t eat, I couldn’t sleep last night I-” “Okay, okay, alright.” He interrupted you, thinking for a moment. “I need you to head over to my place-” “No, Steve.” You interrupted, “I am not going over to your apartment, excuse me, penthouse, in this condition.”

“Yes, you are.” He fought back.

“Steve, how am I even supposed to get out of bed?” You tried to reason, “It hurts to even pee.”

“Then I’ll pick you up. Literally.” “Steve, no.” You concluded, “Your day is already probably messed up because I’m not there to answer calls and deal with stupid people and help you with whatever you need. I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m not pitying you, I’m worried about you. And no my day is not messed up.” “Yet,” You began.

“Okay, yet.” He admitted, “No one is as good of an assistant as you are. I have four people, two of whom have PhDs, trying to juggle your job. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t know either,” You lightly laughed, to the best of your abilities.

“How about I come over after work then?” He settled, “I’ll bring you some food, anything you want, okay?” You hummed over the phone.

“Sounds great.” You replied, “I love you, Stevie.” You smiled lightly.

“Love you too.” He smiled as well, hanging up.

You had been Steve’s assistant for 10 years. It was funny at first, he was an unknown man starting his own company at 24, you were fresh in college at 18 and needed a job. So, after seeing your work ethic and how smart you were, he decided to hire you, finding you as the perfect fit.

You has been his constant companion for those 10 years, traveling with him all the time, attending meetings, you were always by his side. There was a silent relationship between the two of you. Both of you knew some form of chemistry existed, but never acknowledged it. Until Steve finally asked you out only four months ago.

He had finally grown mature enough to throw away his playboy-type persona. He didn’t want women just to be there, and for them to be attracted to him for his money. Though he was one of the most handsome bachelors for women to lay their eyes on. No, he wanted a true life partner.

And you had been with him since the get-go, when sometimes he couldn’t even pay you one week because everything was so tight. But you stuck with him every second of the way, and he knew if you would go out with him it wasn’t because of his money, but because of him.

Sure, you weren’t as fit as many of the girls he had dated in the past. And maybe the media wouldn’t categorize you as a “beauty”. But you were the most gorgeous woman to him. You were mature, kind, smart, organized. He bragged about you to his closest friends from the beginning, before you even began dating, categorizing you as an “intellectual”, a compliment you would brush off not wanting to boost your ego.

“Jackie,” He called one of his associates who was an acting assistant of the day.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers?” She asked over the phone.

“I need you to get all of these things, preferably from that diner off Broadway and Warren. I need it ready in exactly 20 minutes, back to me in 30.” He began, “I’ve sent them over to you. Get it done. Now.” He hung up, residing back to his usual work.

Only a minute later his office phone was ringing. “Hello?” He answered, partially annoyed considering this has now disrupted his response to a passive aggressive email sent by a nobody at a partnering company.

“Mr. Rogers, they said it wouldn’t be ready for 45-” “Did I say 45 minutes?” He interrupted, aggravation filling his voice.

“No I just-”

“I don’t have 45 minutes. You’re now down to 28 minutes before the food should be placed on my fucking desk and ready to go.” “Mr. Rogers there’s nothing I can do-” “Maybe you can be assertive next time, Jackie, or you’ll be out of a job in a second. Figure it out.” He slammed the phone back on the desk with a loud bang, grunting and rubbing his hand over his face. Leaning back he reflected on your words. “Yet”. If you were the one in charge of that, the food would have been on his desk in 20 minutes, not ready in 45.

It didn’t only annoy him that clearly his associates had no ability to think outside of the little boxes they had placed themselves in, but he was talking about you. Although no one at the office, or in the company, knew you two were dating, anyone who got in the way of you would be fired in a hot second. In a moment he could have them standing outside his skyscraper, box in hands sobbing if they even attempted to bother you. You were not only the most precious asset to his company, you were the most precious thing in his life.

He continued his work, not worry too much about how everything was going outside of his office. If anyone fucked up, he would fire them. Easy as that. Once again, his gratitude for you grew greater and greater as he got a text from you.

Please don’t say you’re going to hard on people. I know you’re kind of an ass of a boss, but at least go a little easy on them today. Xo, Y/N

He couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Damn right he was an ass of a boss, and he prided himself on it. As he began responding, Jackie rushed in, looking both winded and scared. “Here you are, Mr. Rogers.” She placed the three bags full of food on his desk.

“You’re three minutes late.” He sat up, looking over the bags, “If I wasn’t in a good mood you would be fired. I’ll let you off on this one.” He sighed, she stood there and took a deep sigh.

“T-thank you, Mr. Rogers.” She nervously walked out.

Trying not to, babe :). Try to be nice to yourself, too, you deserve it. Xo, Steve

He responded, smiling as he sent it, counting down the minutes to be home with you, cooing you and comforting you. He wanted nothing more than to just sit with you all day and watch TV shows, hearing your snarky and stupid commentary. He loved every moment of it.

He removed his mind from his favorite topic, you, and decided to try and focus on some work, as a distraction from the fact he couldn’t be right there with you. Scrolling through stupid emails and paperwork only made his need to be with you all that much worst, his watch not moving fast enough for his liking. With a frustrated sigh he took matters into his own hands.

Stuffing his work in his workbag, he grabbed his phone, getting up and storming out of his office with the take out bags. Everyone looked up at him, confusion and worry ridden all over their faces. He never left early, let alone an hour early.

“Um, Mr. Rogers,” One of his associates perked up, trailing behind him a bit.

“What.” He snapped, not changing his gaze from straight ahead.

“You have that meeting in an hour with Mr. Wilson, where are you going-” Steve stopped in his tracks, turning around to face the boy behind him with a grimace look. “Where I am going is none of your business. And reschedule the meeting with him, he’ll understanding.” And just like that, the man took off again, leaving out the doors and to his car. Slamming his door, he messily started the ignition, holding the leather steering wheel to his Audi, knuckles turning white with annoyance.

His face was blank as he sped through New York traffic, aggressively beeping at all the idiots in his way. He knew you would be scolding the shit out of him right now if you were in the passenger seat, letting him know that you thought he should go back to driving school. He would just lightly smile at your spunk, loving it ever so much.

Speeding into your parking garage underground, he managed to finally find a spot, cursing himself out numerous times for not being there earlier to save one of these now filled spaces. He grabbed his keys and bags with speed, clumsily hanging onto everything, only determined to get to you.

He made his way up the elevator from the parking garage to floor 34, where you were. The elevator was far too slow, in his opinion. He had been meaning to get you a new apartment recently, not that your apartment wasn’t safe or anything. It just wasn’t nice or good enough for you, in his opinion. Granted, nothing in this world would be good enough for you in his eyes. You deserved every damn thing.

He walked out of the elevator, perseverance painted across his face. Finally, he made it to the far end of the carpeted hallway, grabbing your key off of his key ring and placed it in, taking a sigh when it opened. “Baby?” He called, his entire mood changing in a second at the smell and sight of your home. When there was no response, he quietly shut the door, locking it, placing the bags of food on the counter.

Taking his work shoes off along with his jacket and tie, he crept into your room. There you were, an angel from the heavens in his sight, scrunched up in your own warmth under your large comforter, your favorite blanket sprawled out over you. He smiled to himself, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt and removing his cuffs.

Climbing into bed next to you as easily as he could, in hopes he wouldn’t stir you, he placed his large arm over your body, shorter than his, and moved himself closer to you, providing warmth. You moved a bit with a light groan, “Stevie?” You asked, still half asleep, but moving over and closer to his warmth so now you were now the little spoon.

“Hey, baby doll.” He whispered with a smile, kissing the top of you head. “Go back to sleep, m’kay? You need rest.” You shook your head with a yawn, opening your eyes to see the man you loved, a smile growing across your face.

“You woke me up.” You slightly laughed.

“’M sorry.” He smiled back, taking your messy, natural, unbrushed hair in his fingers and brushing out some of the small tangles.

“It’s okay.” You moved even closer to him so every inch of your side was touching his warmth.

“Have you eaten anything today?” He asked next, with a sweet, calming voice. You shook your head into his shoulder, “Okay,” He muttered, “I brought you some food.” “Stevie I’m not that hungry-”

“I got you chicken tenders.” He countered. You sighed in defeat.

“Fine.” You replied, rolling over just a bit to let him go get it. He got the memo, getting up and quickly retrieving the take out boxes.

“Here ya go, babe.” He smiled, helping you sit up, and giving the box to you.

You graciously accepted the food, opening it and taking a bite, sighing with a smile. “Best boyfriend ever.” You smiled, taking another bite and leaning your head on his shoulder. “So,” You began, “How was the office today?” He scoffed, “A nightmare.” You chuckled.

“Of course it was.”

“I had four people playing my assistants today, and not a single one could send an email to Stark or Barnes, my two most prominent allies in this business. It’s ridiculous-” “Steve,” You interrupted, “I already sent those emails today.” “For real?” He turned to you, his face turning serious, “You have a fever of 102, can barely move, and you sent two emails?” “And faxed over some paper work, and scheduled a few of your meetings for next month, and got your next travel itinerary set.” You responded.

“Jeez,” He sighed, at a complete lose for words, “You are one of a kind, you know that? Literally the most incredible person at that company, or most companies for that matter.” You lightly smiled.

“No need to flatter me, I was doing my job.” You blew it off.

“Your job today was to rest and relax.” “Steven,” You looked up at him, “You’re forgetting who I am. I’m not relaxing until my work is done,” You continued, “Now that it is, I say we watch some TV for the rest of the night. Game of Thrones or Westworld?” You asked next. He just looked at you confused, “Westworld it is.” You replied, grabbing your remote on your bedside. “Now c’mon, you need to relax too. I can feel how tense you are from here.”

“Fine.” He replied, reluctantly loosening his shoulders a bit.

“There you go babe,” You smiled, sniffling a bit due to your current condition right after, “Just relax a little. We’re not at work, no stupid people.” He lightly laughed. Using his hand, he took your chin and moved your head to look at his face.

“I’m the luckiest guy in the world, you know that?” You smiled and maneuvered your head to his shoulder again.

“Not nearly as lucky as I am to have you, Mr. Rogers.”

[datleggy]

Totally random thought I had right as I am going to bed but ya know that show "I didn't know I was pregnant"? Buck would be on that show lol the boy is oblivious when it comes to his own body, so like I can perfectly picture him collapsing on the job one day wracked with pain, and then Hen is poking around his stomach where it hurts, her, Buck and Eddie packed into the back of the ambulance as Chim and Bobby drive to the hospital, and she gets out the stethoscope to try and listen for internal bleeding or anything but instead finds an infant heartrate and she's like "Buck, you're pregnant?" And he's like "uh, no? What the hell?" And then his water breaks and he tries to convince hen and Eddie that he had an accident bc even that would be a better alternative to suddenly figuring out he's about to have a baby???? What the fuck???? But Eddie holds his hand all the way through it and by the time they get to the hospital, Buck has a healthy newborn cradled against his chest, Eddie knelt beside him and alternating between kissing buck and the baby on the head, and observing the baby in disbelief. I can also picture Buck like, sobbing his sorry's to Eddie the entire time he's pushing, like "Eddie I swear I had no idea, if I had known, I would have told you!" And Eddie is just reassuring him the entire time like "don't worry about that now, Buck, just concentrate. No one is mad, okay? But you gotta focus on the- on the baby" and buck just sobs and nods and focuses on the delivery again. But for a good while Buck is in denial that any of this is happening and it takes a lot of convincing and encouragement from both hen and Eddie for him to start actively participating in his baby's birth. Anyways, random half asleep thought is finished sorry for the long ask hdshsjjsjdbsjsj

WELL SHIT ok so i actually love that show and i could see buck doing this lmao so i wrote a thing. also ignore all medical inaccuracies, this is my distraction from monday lmao let me have this wildly inept fic pls. 

also just in case, it’s pretty brief, i think, but TW for talk of weight and weight gain

It's nearing the end of their shift now and Buck can almost hear his feet howling at him in pain. Today hadn't even really been all that busy, he thinks, annoyed at his own body's betrayal. He's not even thirty yet, but in the last couple of months he's felt as though he's aged about ten years.

He's put on a few pounds, which isn't too uncommon, sometimes Buck goes through stretches of time where he eats more carbs than he needs and works out less than he'd like and so a little tummy fat is to be expected.

It normally doesn't bother him, except that in the last maybe three months he hasn't felt like exercising much outside of work but he's eaten nearly everything in sight every night. He's up about fifteen pounds, which he wouldn't have even noticed, seeing that he does fluctuate at times anywhere between five to eight pounds over or under what he usually weighs, if it hadn't been for Chimney teasing him about putting down his third Krispy Kreme donut of the day and picking up a barbell earlier this morning.

Chim and Buck poke fun at each other all the time--it's a staple in their friendship and brother ship, in fact--and Buck had flipped him the bird, nothing new there. What had been new was the fact that he'd excused himself to the bathroom right after that and locked himself in a stall and bawled his eyes out as quietly as humanly possible.

Buck grimaces, embarrassed still, by the outburst, even if no one had been there to witness it. He still has no idea what the hell that had been about this morning.

Eddie notices the sour mood and pulls him in close. "Hey, you ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to go home--shit." Buck feels a shooting pain so intense his knees buckle and Eddie has to hold him upright to keep him from hitting the floor. 

“Woah!” Eddie calls Bobby over, who’s closest, for help, “Buck? Buck, you with me? What’s wrong? What hurts?” 

Buck just shakes his head and grits his teeth, the pain so debilitating he can hardly breathe much less speak. 

The Captain is on his other side in an instant and together Eddie and Bobby help Buck towards the couch, where he collapses in a heap, throwing his head back and letting out an agonized whine. “What’s going on? Did he get hurt during one of the calls?” Bobby asks Eddie, frantic to help put a stop to this. 

Eddie’s helpless, “Bobby I don’t know, one second we were talking about going home and the next he practically fell to the floor in pain.” he turns to face his husband, “Baby, I’m here, look at me, what’s the matter? What hurts?” 

Buck’s face scrunches up and he finally exhales sharply, his grip on the couch cushions loosening, and he opens his eyes, wide like saucers, and says, “What the fuck was that?” 

At this point Hen and Chim, as well as half the crew, have gathered around and Hen is quick to put on her doctors hat and try to sus out the problem. She makes Bobby step aside and Chimney hands her a stethoscope. “Buck, is it your stomach?” she asks, noticing the stiff way he’s holding himself around his midriff. 

“I don’t--kinda? I don’t know. It was just like, this crazy wave of pain, almost like a cramp, but way worse.” he struggles to describe the feeling now that it’s more or less passed for the time being.  

Hen had seen Buck wince when he’d been in the harness on the last call of the day, but he hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t thought too much about it until now. “Did you hurt yourself in the harness earlier? Maybe pulled something when we reeled you back up?” she asks, palpitating his stomach with her fingers, watching him almost retract from her touch. 

“Maybe?” Buck shrugs uncomfortably, wincing when she hits a particularly sore spot. 

Something about this feels familiar and strangely obvious, but Hen doesn’t understand why until she puts her stethoscope up to his belly to check for lack of bowel sounds, indicating maybe some internal bleeding or sorts. 

Hen gasps out loud and sits up like she’s been smacked. 

Eddie frowns. “What? What’s wrong? Is he gonna be ok?” He almost wants to snatch the damn stethoscope out of her ears and check for himself, his eyes darting between Hen and Buck nervously. 

“Buck, you’re pregnant. And in labor, by the sounds of it.” Hen blurts out in disbelief. 

“What.” Buck blinks at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has to be a joke. 

“I heard a heartbeat in there...” Hen informs them, still awed. “Buck, that was a contraction you just experienced.” 

Eddie gapes at Hen and then at Buck. “You’re pregnant?” 

Buck gapes right back at him. “No!” he denies, shaking his head incredulously. “That’s insane, I can’t be pregn--ah--” Buck leans forward in pain as another contraction begins. “Fuck.” 

“Jesus, yeah, no you’re definitely pregnant,” Chim announces, “Your water just broke all over my favorite couch, bud. I’m getting the ambulance ready asap.” he says, before running to do just that, head reeling. He thinks about Maddie and when she gave birth to their daughter and how scared out of his mind he’d been and he sympathizes for Buck and Eddie, who up until now apparently hadn’t even realizes they were expecting... 

Back at the lounge Buck continues to deny any of this is even happening. He whines into Eddie’s chest, “That’s pee, it has to be, because I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.” he lets out a pitiful whimper as another contraction begins and buries his face against his husband to hide the tears springing up in his eyes. 

“Buck, son, we gotta get you to a hospital right now.” Bobby tries, running a soothing hand over the top of his head. 

But Buck shakes his head no, shuddering out a sob. “M’not going.” 

Eddie, overwhelmed, looks to Hen and Bobby for help. 

“Buck, ambulance is ready to go, we need to move unless you wanna have this kid at the firehouse.” Hen grimaces. “I know you’re in pain and I know you’re confused and hurting, but we need to get you into that ambulance and now.” 

Buck cries out when another contraction hits him and Hen gulps. “Your contractions are getting way too close together, we need to move.” she nods at her Captain and Eddie to help get Buck up and together the three of them manage to get Buck onto a gurney and into the waiting ambulance.

Bobby rides up front with Chimney, leaving Hen and Eddie to work in the back with Buck. 

“Buck, you need to start getting ready to push, this baby’s coming.” Hen warns him, but Buck refuses. 

“I can’t.” he sobs. “I didn’t--” he throws his head back, the pain lighting his nerves on fire. “I swear Eddie, I didn’t know. You gotta believe me.”

Eddie takes Bucks hand into his and brings it up to his lips. “I know baby, I know, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise. Nobody is mad at you, ok? I’m not. But right now you need to focus on pushing, you need to listen to Hen, ok? We’re ok, and you’re gonna be ok, but I need you to push, baby. I love you so much, you know that, right?” 

Buck lets Eddie wipe away his tears, leans into the comforting touch, and nods shakily, exhaling. “O-ok, I’m--I’m ready.” 

.

.

.

**************

.

.

.

The baby is so very tiny in Eddie’s arms. 

Olive Buckley-Diaz is born weighing exactly six pounds and two ounces. 

Christopher, who’s curled up against Bucks side on the hospital bed after a very exhausting day, looks up at his Buck, his little brow still knitted in confusion. “So she was a surprise baby? And that’s how come you guys didn’t tell me about her?” 

Buck tries not to laugh. “Yeah bud, it was a huge surprise to us, too.” 

Eddie nods along, smiling fondly down at the bundle he’s holding. Her blotchy red face is slack in sleep and there’s already tufts of brown hair sticking up funnily on her head under her hat. “I still can’t believe you only gained like fifteen pounds during the whole pregnancy.” Eddie chuckles, “Or that you worked through the nine months, God Buck, when I think of the stunts you pulled during calls in the last few months alone I’m--” he shudders. “Actually I’d rather not think about it.” he sighs, “I’m just happy you’re both healthy at the end of the day.” 

Really, it’s a miracle. The doctor had said as much after the delivery. 

“To be fair I never got any of the other symptoms,” Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t nauseous, my feet never swelled, I don’t remember any weird cravings? And you said it yourself, I didn’t really gain all that much weight.” 

Eddie leans down to kiss Buck’s forehead. “You should be on that show.” he grins. 

Buck tilts his head. 

“You know the one, the one Hen made us watch when work was slow that one time. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’.” he teases. 

Buck groans. “I regret all the jokes I made at the time. I totally get those people now. Pregnancy is weird.” 

Christopher rests his head more comfortably against Bucks chest and smiles softly. “Yeah, but now our family’s even bigger.” 

.

[justanotherpjofan]

Last part of memory less Cale this is the happy ending the official one, I'm planing on doing a sad one as well I couldn't decide on one so maybe doing both would be better.

"Gift?" Cale have more less idea of who was the one infront of him, he have heard of a crazy priestess that served the god of death.

"Yes, but the bastard didn't tell me what it was, he is only eager when he is whimpering about you, young ma-

Cage stopped talking, the air behind Cale was fluctuating and a very strong black mana could be seen, Raon was angry.

"So it was that god of death BASTARD!!" He had the suspicion, but getting a confirmation was different from just a guess.

Cage face turned into a grimace 'that fucker really did something bad again'

"Did something happened?" Her voice was almost a gasp.

"Well...

"Did something happened!? YES that fucker god of death stole our human memories that's what happened!!

Raon was going ballistic but then he heard his human voice.

"Language..." He was nagging him!

Raon behave himself a little after being scolded for his rude choice of words but that was not enough to calm his anger so he was silently planning a murder.

Cage was at lost of words how was that supposed to be a gift it was more like a punishment or a wicked game to entertain himself.

She was already cursing.

"So if it was a gift could he take it back then?" A calm voice asked

It was suprising how Cale could be so calm even at this situation, but he was boiling inside, also he had a little hope that everything would be easily solved.

He was tired of having headaches and heart pain all day long, sometime he swear he could listen weird voices calling for him, of course he had no way of knowing that they were his ancient powers trying to connect to him.

The children eyes were shining if the god of death took his gift back everything would be fine.

"Sure I wil deliver your message and tell him that you didn't like his gift at all, he should take it back after that"

"Take back what?" Choi Han had come find Cale and the children because they had taken more time than usual on their stroll.

"Maybe I can regain my memories"

Choi Han eyes were glistening as well but not much later they twisted into a cold glare, if Cage has here that meant that it was him again.

'Why can't he understand that meddling with other people's affairs is bothersome and doesn't help at all'

Now Choi Han was also silently planning a murder, in such a gruesome way that even the normal Cale wouldn't help but to called him vicious.

Sensing the new pressure around him Cale couldn't help but sight before choking up, he felt his body being crush by an unexpected aura.

Normally, talking to a god was painless but if that god was outraged the things were different and the worse part? The god could not perceive the pressure that he was exerting but Cale could, especially because the god of death was aiming for him.

Soon everything was pitch black and Cale became unconscious, his body didn't drop to the floor thanks to Choi Han being there to grab him.

Inside Cale's mind was a mess he could see the troubling gray fog every way he turn to, it seemed to be endless.

Outside it wasn't any better. Cale was sweating again, trembling slightly and his breathing was fast as if gasping for air.

The last month he had passed out a lot but not like this, the other times were as falling sleep, this one was more like a night terror.

Cale was getting anxious when he heard a neutral voice that felt like a endless void just like the fog.

"I thought that you would like it, a life without all of those painful and permanent memories that always tormented you on your sleep"

Cale was at lost of words.

However even if Cale didn't knew, it was true that lately he was being able to sleep peacefully without all the weight of those horrible records that used to replayed themselves on loop every night.

"Fine, I'll take it back but I warn you it will hurt, are you okey with that? Also you will have to deal with them again, do you still want them back?

Although he was right Cale felt that it was a necessary burden and even if they hurt he couldn't ignore them because they were his and make him who he was.

"Yes"

"Alright then" the god's mood had relaxed and was thinking more rationally.

The gray fog turn into mist an then vanished, but the memories he had lost hit him like a tsunami.

What the trickster god of death didn't mention was that he would need to revive them all at once in order to regain them.

And the buried emotions that were with them drown him, the fist one to hit him was loneliness as he recalled his parent's dead.

Soon followed impotence as he saw people dying left and right when earth changed, the names he had remembered now have meaning.

A mix between loss, loneliness, anger and guilt shallow him whole recalling the last words Lee Soo Hyuk told him, and how it was not his fault but deep inside he had always blamed himself.

Then years of himself solely focusing on his job just not to think followed

On the other side his family was panicking, the damm that Cale had maintained all his life was tearing apart, as tears ran down and moans escaped his mouth.

They dried his tears and wait patiently, as Eruhaben had pointed out the fog was no longer there, all that was left was for Cale to woke up.

Hours went painfully by as Cale showed no sign of getting better, more than a half of his life was a tragedy so it made sense.

And finally the memories from when he was transmigrated into Cale Henituse's body went by and he started to calm down even if he had felt physical pain his mind had never been in such at ease before.

True he had just wanted a slacker's life instead he had found something more troublesome but precious.

He had found a family, a large and rather annoying one but it was his.

The crying stopped and so did the heavy moans which were replaced by a peacefully breathing. soon after he opened his eyes.

He placed his hand on top of the little dragon's head, as always he was with him, and patted the other children letting them know that he was awake.

"Dosaeng do you know who we are?" Alberu once again was the first to speak mainly because he was the only one who kept some head-level, he asked softly through the communication device.

"I do hyung" he whisper tired.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, why would I lie to the brightest sun in our kingdom?" His voice was hoarse after being asleep for almost a day and a half.

"You truly are back"

"Cale-nim!"

"Weak human!"

"Nya"

"Tsk tsk unlucky bastard"

"Welcome back young master-nim"

Also the voices of his ancient powers were scolding him happy to be heard again.

Right he was finally back, he was home.

And that's all thank you for reading if you get this far, I'm not sure about doing a sad alternative ending but I can give it a shot as a practice.

Sorry I know I have many grammatical mistakes, but english is not my mother tongue so I'm practicing.