#momrant

[momoverthemoon]

I got mad the other day.

Okay, I don’t want to say mad. I was shocked? Disappointed? My husband asked me about my upcoming class schedule. I’m finally finally finally taking a statistics course to start my masters program!!!! Anyway, he was asking me about my schedule and when it started and I told him it was online.

So he said,” okay, I’ll do my homework when I get now so I can help with the baby and you can do your glasswork when you get home from work.”

My brain did a veddy hard skid. I asked him,” oh? What do you normally do after school?”

He said,” I work out, eat, watch tv, you know.”

“Okay.”

Then I laid in bed just silent and tired.

My husband doesn’t work right now. He goes to school (he has an income and he contributes well). But he gets done with school at noon. I don’t come home with the baby until 530pm or so. When I come home I cook, clean, do laundry, look after and play with the baby, go to the bathroom( I squeeze it in if I can before 9pm). There is no down time for me. I’m swiffering the floor( mopping is too time consuming) , wiping down the kitchen, tossing expired foods, sanitizing the babies toys, sorting mail, working on grocery lists, etc. He, um, is not evidently.

It’s quite possible I could make the grocery list at work, the dinner menu, do class work, read, etc at work. But why should I spend every waking moment working for my home when this fool is ‘finishing up game series’ he hasn’t yet finished before he starts new ones and finishing movies he hasn’t finished on Netflix or whatever’.

I’m so tired.

[finreally]

Here's last weeks paint along, lets #paint another tonight and spread the #happy feels! https://twitch.tv/finreally . #TeamB42 #PhoenixCartel #SmallStreamerConnect #art #painting #GoodVibes #WednesdayMotivation #momlife #momrant #artoninstagram #midwest #Milwaukee #midwestartist (at Milwaukee, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9DW-iegcWq/?igshid=10wy3tu4inmfq

[crookedwingz]

Home

Sometimes I feel like going home doesn’t really feel like home.

I enjoy my time with my fiancé on campus but sometimes I really do miss my mom and my soon-to-be stepfamily. But so many things have changed and I feel like nothing has changed at all at the same time.

I feel like my mom is disappointed in me and every time I go home there’s something wrong and I did something wrong again and again. I know she’s just looking out for me but sometimes it hurts.

Every time I do something wrong she compares me to certain people and says I’ll end up like my bio mom or my dad. And says I don’t think before I speak so I lie to her but I think impulsively because of my ADHD so I don’t always think before speaking but I don’t do that on purpose. She says I choose to lie but I really don’t and if I do I immediately correct it but she gets mad at me for lying in the first place and most of the time it’s not even a big deal thing and she carries on and on about it even after it should’ve long been dropped.

She treats my stepsiblings so much different and I feel like I’m just in the way and an inconvenience for even being here. I know they love me a lot but I just don’t belong anymore. But choosing to stay and live my life they get upset I don’t go home and see them. I just wanna be closer to my mom and with how her personality is and stuff it’s nearly impossible. We weren’t really close from the start but I’m almost afraid to be closer to her because she’s busy taking care of everyone else and I feel like a bother.

I understand where she’s coming from because yeah I’ve been pretty behind compared to other people but I’ve adapted to college life and even though I shouldn’t rely on my fiancé I’ve adapted to her ways as well and it’s easier for me to remember stuff that way so I can be a decent adult. I’m catching up on my own pace but I’m still getting there. But it feels like I’m a kid again and I’m doing everything wrong because I can’t understand my feelings or thoughts or why I feel the way I do. That hasn’t really changed. I just have been better at hiding it.

[sun-fyre]

Bit of a longer workday than usual, but at the red light on the way home I realized how fuckin’ tired I am. Shout out to the single essential working parents out here that have been working 40+ hours a week in the office since March, dealing with work BS, taking care of kids, making sure they do their schoolwork, cooking meals daily, cleaning up the house, trying to keep you all alive and safe, trying to keep the kids entertained, motivated, and elevated, not seeing relatives and friends, making plans for if and when you get sick, making back up plans for if and when you get sick, watching Covid go ham and ruin lives, talking to my kids about this continued systematic racism, senseless unprovoked unnecessary murders of blacks, trying to plan for the school year, trying to not pork up, starved for intimacy, in short adjusting to our new normal. Listen, the kid is tired as the fuck and I know I can’t be the only one. It sucks for us all right now, but if you were temporarily laid off and got paid, or worked from home, or even have another adult at home to help you out during this shit you’re luckier than most. Enjoy that shit because some of us (ME) feel like they are drowning 😩😢🤷🏾‍♀️ #kiwi #fakeittillyoumakeit #smiletokeepfromcrying #singlemom #momlife #momrant #anythingformybabies https://www.instagram.com/p/CC9pBbFlRg6zTMS1GJ7ccKb250AahI7m5hyIIY0/?igshid=wgg2o7dtptv

[mamashaysaid]

Funny how word always gets back right?😌

Listen, It took everything in my soul to walk away from one of the most toxic people in my life. I tried , almost forced, building a life with this person bc I cared about them deeply & genuinely for 7 yrs. We tried to create a family and it was taken for granted for every single yr that we tried to keep it together. I embraced the family, the friends, the up & down lifestyle, the high/low personality disorder, the addictions, and still didnt get any respect in return. When I finally worked up the strength to leave.... It backfired bc then it took even more time to recover from the damage, the people I lost from yrs of isolation & neglecting myself, and the kids who witnessed what was going on......

SO if you hear or see this toxic person talking down on my name, know that NeShay is always going to be "wrong" and "selfish", "controlled by an outside entity" or "whatever the fuck else you can think of", to a person who doesnt respect boundaries, doesnt realize that they were abusive & refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoings or take any responsibility for the LIVES thay they continue to create (insert definition of a narcissist OKAY)

....AND OVERSTAND this - I am more at peace than I have ever been before. I will never be sorry for the life I'm living with my kids & with loving my future in-laws cus aint no drama round here son son! We elevating thru this life & we only have time to fuss about who ate the last of whatever or who left the toilet seat up. I'm OK with that ANY day vs. Losing sleep bc of trauma. PTSD is real & no one should have to stay with anyone "for the kids" if you're being abused. CALL THE COPS on ME, IF YOU WANT bc I'm keeping you away from harassing the fuck out me & my family ok... BUT 1ST...Look up the mugshots, read the charges & face your shit before you try to throw shiit at someone else.

That said, I may not sleep well every night for obvious reasons (Miss Zaza, of course) but I'm least I'm not in constant fear of where our family will be in the next yr.

*run tell that to whoever the fck is watching my posts and reporting back to headquarters✌

[flchefnicole]

It frustrates me to no end that people still think Stella is a boy just b/c she has short curly hair! She has the sweetest feminine face and wears dresses all the time but almost daily someone will say "how old is he or he's a cute fella!". Of course, now she notices and it upsets her. Anyway sorry for the #momrant but I had share my cuties little ponytails today. She knows girls usually have ponytails so she asked for an extra long one. 😍🤣 #mamasgirl #ponytail #curlyhair #kidlife #mylove https://www.instagram.com/p/BwV6B6MAgxr/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=159kz96mvtd1m

[thefoleythree]

A Rant (I'm not sorry): Today my lovely little man wanted to wear his sisters fancy dress. I didn't see the problem both Makayla and I were wearing dresses so just thought he wanted to be the same. I can not believe how many horrid comments I've had from people. From 'Isn't he supposed to be a boy' to accusing me of wrong doing 'Why would you do that to him' 'You should get him his own dressing up' 'What is her wearing?' 'You should say no'. My boy is brought up in a house of female role models, he saw his mummy and his sister wearing a dress and wanted to join in. He isn't 'gay' I'm not determining his future, nor will I make him be bullied. Children see and do, he often takes my make up dresses and does his cheeks, he also loves a dolly and a pram. BUT he also loves mud, sticks, climbing, football and cars. Me telling MY son he can not wear an outfit is only punishing him. Why would I punish my son, you can't play with that you can't wear that. Why? Because some awful people have decided My son isn't allowed to be whatever and who ever he wants? He's my son, not yours I will allow him to play whatever he wants and he is free to just be a kid, exploring everything around him that he finds interesting. It's 2017 the world is changing, let kids be kids! #mummysboy #mumrant #momrant #letkidsbe #letkidsbekids #lettoysbetoys #childrenofthefuture

[evojelenaevo]

portrait of a mom of a 7 week old baby. sleep deprived, flight or fight feeling 24/7, constant state of alertness all included, plus endless dosis of oxytocin whenever i’m with her #angelina #babyspamwithoutbaby #momrants #7weeks (at Shanghai, China) https://www.instagram.com/jelenaeva/p/BzHwf56JcMV/?igshid=15oamm4r2k51t

[mintvalentine]

Any moms who follow me and are completely exhausted mentally and physically, you arent the only one feeling this way and things will get better. Stay positive, stay happy and dont forget you cant take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself first ❤

[unhappilyahousewife-blog]

Do you have teenagers? Are they giving you a hard time? Are you struggling to find the answers to raising them? We can relate to you! 👉🏽 http://goo.gl/aBGn2g 👈🏽 #MomRant #UnhappilyAHousewife #merchcomingsoon

[browneyedbibliotaph]

When time slips away | #MomRant

The second installment of this #MomRant series is coming pretty quickly on the heels of the first one & it’s a little bit of a different perspective than the first one. I contemplated for a few minutes about posting this, but I want this blog to be real and be legit so... why not tell people about this incident, that so many would consider a #MomFail.

For the last four or five years (as long as my eldest has been in public school), I have been able to pride myself in the fact that I’ve always been on time for her to get home from school.  I’ve always been sure to be home -- or to ensure that she knew ahead of time that I’d be home shortly after her or that someone will be there when she gets hom -- or that I’ve been on time hella early to pick her up if that’s the situation.  With that being said, I am still a human being, and I still make a lot of mistakes.

Today, being as it’s one of the last few days of my spring break, I’ve been sitting on my ass with my face glued to my computer screen trying to read scholarship and put together an extensive power point presentation (sidenote: that presentation is currently 33 slides and I’m not finished with it yet); my current youngest has been a wild card and has been working his button-pushing skills to the extreme & I can just feel my stress levels rising to unhealthy levels.  We started the day by dropping my eldest off at school this morning because she had orchestra lessons and she doesn’t trust the kids on her bus to be around her cello (understandably so), so I KNEW that I was going to need to pick her up at the end of the day.  I knew that it had to happen -- I even made sure I called the elementary school to ensure that they knew I would be picking her up.

If she hadn’t texted my at 3:35P, she would have been forgotten at the elementary school.

I got so engrosssed in my readings, so engrossed in trying to get all my work done and wrangling my toddler, that time slipped away.  I hadn’t looked at the time in my upper right hand corner in probably two hours and... it just slipped away.  I almost pissed my pants when I got her text asking if Iw as on my way to pick her up.  HOW THE HELL COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN!?  HOW!?  I scooped up my toddler, gabbed my keys, and ran out the door.  Almost forgot to put my shoes on.  Left my purse and my wallet lying on the floor next to my desk.  I just needed to get to the elementary school to get her.  Thankfully there was a fifth grade teacher who was willing to stand with her and wait until I got there.  Now, thankfully, I wasn’t super late -- maybe, like, five minutes -- so she wasn’t waiting for me long and it wasn’t as disasterous a situation as it could have been.  But I was in full-blown panic mode.

Now, with all that said, I’ll go back to an earlier statement -- I am a human being and I mistakes.  I feel like this is something that could happen to anyone at anytime, no matter how unstained their time management track record is.  The fact that I was late to pick up my kiddo -- and that I lost track of time because I was so absorbed in other life tasks -- DOES NOT MAKE ME A “LESS THAN” PARENT.  It does not change the fact that I love my daughter unconditionally.  It does not change the fact that we have a traditional mother-daughter relationship for a prepubescent girl and that she drives me up the walls sometimes.  It does not change the fact that she is one of the few people in the center of my universe.  It just means that I am a human being and I make mistakes, if this can even be considered a mistake or a “mom fail”.  

This #MomRant segment probably seems a little all over the place, and for that I apologize.  But I guess what I want to say is that we, as parents, shouldn’t beat ourselves up over little things like that.  We need to remember that we have other things going on that will keep our attention and sometimes time slips away.  If something like this happens, it doesn’t mean that we’re failing as parents or that we’re less than parents.  It just means that we aren’t robots.

Stay strong out there, mommies & daddies.  We got this.

[momoverthemoon]

TODAY IS A NEW DAY

Today I went to a psychologist. I told her everything. I mean all the things that are under my skin and clawing their way out. I told her about the self harm thoughts. I told her about wanting to hurt my baby and my fetus. I told her about my marriage problems. I told her about work. I told her about not bathing or washing my clothes for weeks at a time. I told her I have no hobbies. I told her I have no interest or friends where I live. I told her I don’t care if I’m late for work because sometimes my arms don’t work and I can’t put my shirt on. I told her about the knife in my car. I told her about being angry all the time. I told her about my home office being a foot deep in garbage and clothes and whatever else I had broken. I told her I’m holding on my unraveling. I told her I’m sorry I had so much to tell her. I told her everything.

And she listened. She listened and told me I wasn’t alone. I told her I was. She gave me a tissue as I cried because I knew she was right and it caused me pain.

Tonight I will take Zoloft for the first time in my life while 4.5 months pregnant and I’m excited for the first time in a long time. I’m tired of being afraid of myself and if this will help then so be it.

Yes, I feel like a quitter, but that’s because I’m an asshole to myself. I’m not quitting. I’m finally getting some help. Even Notra Dame in all its glory has support. I’m getting my own flying buttress to support me!

And today I feel like I’m okay or I will be okay. Fingers crossed.

[finreally]

Getting ready for tonights painting with Bob for my #BobRossProject heres last week's #painting. #Love this guy. Come join the #ArtandChill at 7:30pm https://Twitch.tv/FinReally . #TeamB42 #PhoenixCartel #art #momlife #WednesdayWisdom #HappyTrees #HappyClouds #momrant (at Milwaukee, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8xVndaAFey/?igshid=1fw58r2r9qe1w

[strongheadedmom-blog]

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Are you f**king kidding me 🙄🙄🙄. Read about baby regressions and other new mom struggles on my blog http://bit.ly/2Fp3JRX.

[mammafulk-blog]

Week 21

So I probably should've started this sooner but pregnancy brain is real and things happen when they happen 😂😂

Anywaysss here I am, 21 weeks pregnant, hating every second of growing this child. I love my baby, but I'll love him a lot more on the outside! I'm sick roughly 24/7 to some degree, constantly exhausted, and every muscle in my body hurts!! #yaypregnancy

Smoking has kept me sane and functioning and I don't give a fuck if people judge me for that. It's saving me and in turn saving my baby, and I 100% believe it's the best thing for me.

On the bright side (brightish) little man has started kicking, and I mean KICKING! I'm roughly the size of a whale, and eat about as much 😂😂😂 I don't know how I'm gonna keep growing!

March can't come soon enough!

[mamashaysaid]

DD's been going through some behavioral issues lately.

To say I'm stressed is not enough. Worried is more like it. The company he chooses to keep vs. The company we try to keep him around, doesn't match for shit. He likes hanging with the kids who don't give a fuhck about themselves. The kids who aren't motivated to study, who don't aspire to be shit... Idk where this comes from b/c throughout my years I've tried to accomplish, and he just doesn't care anything for it.

Could it be possible, he's never really felt our suffering all these years, so the relief that we feel now, is being taken for granted?