#molasses horse
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lieutenant-mitch · 1 year ago
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sncwonthebeach · 1 year ago
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RUN DOROTHY RUTH!!
CHASE YOUR DREAMS !
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spacetrashpile · 2 years ago
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i haven’t finished this week’s puppet history but i think the fact that the only puppet who’s shown up to do sponsorships this season is dorothy ruth is important. can’t decide why but it is.
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keeps-ache · 2 years ago
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i have a headache and a sweet tea so i'm ready to fight the universe again
#just me hi#i also have a homemade burrito but that doesn't give me half the strength this sugar water is giving me#though i Am nourished now so that's pretty nice#//really tho i am so tired of head hurting. why must it be this way :/#i assume i've been getting headaches from the bright light (i.e. the Sun or Parking Lot Lights) so this sucks lol#//SO much lettuce in this britto rn !! i am going full rabbit on this shizz#top 5 words my dad would kill me over: britto hvbdjfhj#lettuceeeeeeeeeeeshjbshbdhsbjvebjsvishdsbhvbskvsjn#//oof i Apparently have some sort of ~mineral deficiency~ according to ma and i had to take Pills ://#which is normally fine‚ i take horse pills like a champ and i like to rub it in my brother's face#but these ones were NASTY. GROSS. just absolutely EW.#and also ig they were the ones that make you nauseous so Whatever i guess#was also subjected to the torture known as 'two spoonfuls of black molasses' that i haven't experienced since the michigan summer of '15#it's NASTYYY#that stuff Lingers !!! what the hewk man !!!#god invented that stuff to punish 10 yr.ols that's the ONly reason it exists trust me#my brother (same brother) Likes it too like. yeah of course Mr. BaconCookie likes the black molasses#and i just found out my OTHER brother likes purple-flavored stuff so now i have to disown him smh#(purple-flavored ??? grape. it's grape. tho yea it doesn't taste like grape so i guess it Is just purple hfhdjhf)#i'm never trusting them again (food-wise) this is just Terrible#//aw shnizzle i dunno if i went over the tag cap fvhsvs#let's see i guess oᵕo
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temper-temper · 2 years ago
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Would you kick the ball across the field to the goal post if it chained down the dog's of war from getting the lambchop of victory this guaranteeing you're in the lead for winning the mashed potato offensive?
I think it’s time to shave
vvvvvvvrrrrrvvvrrvvvvvvvrrrrnnnn
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anyonghalimaw · 2 years ago
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I'm gonna be autistic in here rq: Horse are canonically glass canons, strong where it counts, incredibly fragile. In a situation where you'd need to run, horses should be the first ones to out of there, right? But, I guess when 12,000 tons of Molasses or 1.5 Million balloons are in the mix, I can see where it could be hard to use their powerful legs to get them out of the situation.
You see: If we were to mix these two situations together, this country couldn't win. In this essa
NO NO, KEEP GOING
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volcano-eats-your-wife · 2 years ago
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OK YEAH LORE AND ALL BUT I STILL CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT DOROTHY RUTH CAME BACK
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the-halfling-prince · 1 year ago
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Me: Hey, did you know that the extinct Irish Elk is actually more closely related to the fallow deer than any actual elk? They weren't even just found in Ireland, they lived in a bunch of other places too. Both parts of the name are inaccurate. Isn't that crazy?
The other person at the party: ... Cool?
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acespeon · 2 years ago
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fact: today is the 94th anniversary of the Boston Molasses Disaster
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equine-altar · 1 year ago
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So Mazda bought some candy syringes for her aesthetic blog, but whenever I look at them all I can think is "finally, I can roleplay as a horse getting dewormed for the year"
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sweetmeatdale · 2 years ago
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ugghouly · 2 years ago
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I literally almost missed molasses day thank you so much
you want me to use molasses? the thing that killed that horse??
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yummysmellsca · 2 years ago
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Treats for the best kind of Litigation out there! @teaghan_r #horse #pettreats #horsetreats #cookies #snacks #molasses #oats #applesauce #easy #simple #baking (at Oshawa, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmimobhMV1B/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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yandere-writer-momo · 11 months ago
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Yandere Head Canons: You Are My Sunshine
Current brain rot: Yandere Sheriff from the Wild West. An older man has captivated me.
Jack Henry, the forty year old bachelor and Afab Reader
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Yandere Sheriff who’s devoted to locking criminals away. He’s never given relationships much thought. His life was too dangerous for anyone else to be a part of it long term so he’s had his fair share of one night stands but never true love… Jack Henry has lived a hard life and he was getting old. His chocolate hair and stubble was covered in gray hair. And his face and body littered in scars from the outlaws he arrested. Jack knew he was a terrifying man to gaze upon. His face alone struck fear into people.
Yandere Sheriff who meets the new resident in town. A sweet young woman with big eyes filled with innocence. A shy expression on her (skin color) face as she introduced herself to him. The lovely woman was named (your name), a pretty name for a pretty girl. She was a lamb amongst wolves… Jack was immediately smitten with her. He’d be her shepherd dog that would keep her safe in this wild world… wait. Why did he like her so much? She was just a lass…
Yandere Sheriff who would often see (your name) at the post office or at the general store. He caught himself constantly sneaking glances at her whenever he was in town. Jack thought she was attractive… maybe he could talk to her?Jack ignored the flirtatious stares of old flames in favor of talking to the young lass who was the apple of his eye.
Yandere Sheriff who began to court (your name). Jack is sweet with his words and he does his best to be gentle and soft for her. He brings her flowers and meals from town. His green eyes are filled with so much adoration for her. He swore she was sweeter than molasses. The more time they spent together, the more he wanted to be with her. Jack has never felt this way in his life. He wanted to protect her from everything. Jack wanted to come home everyday from work and see her waiting for him. For the first time in his forty years of living, he craved domesticity.
Yandere Sheriff who tries to take things slow but he starts to get touchy. Jack often holds her soft hands in his large, calloused ones while he shows her the town. His green eyes never leave his sunshine. The stubble on his chin tickles her shoulders when he rests his face on her shoulder while she wears his sheriff hat. Jack loves her… he loves (your name) so very much, it hurts.
Yandere Sheriff who can’t get her out of his head even when he dreams. Her face creates butterflies flutter in his stomach and her smile… her smile was just like sunshine. She was his sunshine… and he never wanted her to be taken away. The fear of his enemies harming her started to keep him up at night… he had to make it official so they could get married and he could keep her locked away and safe.
Yandere Sheriff who took (your name) out on dates on the weekends. Jack enjoyed taking her on rides on his horse, Gunsmoke. He adores how much smaller her body is than his. Their bodies fit together so perfectly… it was when Gunsmoke brought them up a hill where the sunset looked most beautiful that Jack felt like he should confess his love for her. The setting sun made her look like some sort of goddess on earth… a goddess he wished to worship until his final breath.
Yandere Sheriff who is shocked that she doesn’t feel the same way. They spent so much time together… why didn’t she love him too? Jack was upset that she didn’t feel the same way. Couldn’t she see herself with him? He saw an entire future with her… he saw children and a wedding. They were meant to be in his eyes… and he would teach her to love him.
Yandere Sheriff who doesn’t budge when (your name)’s fists beat against his chest while he kissed her. His stubble tickled her face and she could taste cigar smoke on him but his arms firmly held her against him. Jack was on cloud nine from the kiss. He sore lightning shot through his very being… she was so perfect. How could she not want this? How could she not want him? It wasn’t long before his lips moved to her neck to press hit kisses all over the soft, tender skin. His sweet whispers of love made her skin crawl.
“I love you… I love you so much.” Jack whispered into her skin, his hot breath tickled. “Let’s get married... my sunshine.”
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1800titz · 5 months ago
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HI BESTIES. Trivia!Harry x Shy!Reader part 1 ((based on THIS post))
The one where Harry hosts trivia at a small town bar every Thursday and you just can’t seem to shut up.
WC: 3.7K
This is part one of a patreon exclusive series — the rest will only be accessible through my patreon. You can already find part 2 up on my patreon (✿◠‿◠)
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You take a long drink. It tastes like kismet and carbonated nothingness.
(Retrospect will tell you that it's meant to be— tiny town, diminutive ambitions, hulking potential. But now, the twinge of an uncomfortable fever crawls up from your collar and makes you want to squirm in your seat.)
“Alright, alright, alright.”
And the smooth baritone against the head of a microphone makes your insides squeeze. Close. Real close— his mouth is pink, hovering millimeters, and that brass is the kind that seeps over your nape, under your skin. Molasses-heavy, slinking the gaps in the meshed grill caging. You blink up at the portable four-by-eight platform.
It's the kind of squeeze along your guts, the heat simmering in your face the longer you stare, that'll taunt you in the ridges of the night. Boxed into this— tonight, under a parapet— comfort zone hovering beyond your periphery, in the nook of the living room you left behind to wrack your head and stare at sin-in-bulk on a mobile stage.
The lively chatter dulls as heads turn, and then swells in eager increments. 
“Alright,” he says, a set of green eyes flickering from the monitor he’s settled over a rejigged high top, bounding sharply to whoever’s just given an overly enthusiastic cry of yes from the horde.
A peal of sparse, scattered laughter blooms in the throng. His mouth quirks.
“Very enthusiastic. How are you?” 
His cresting gaze climbs from the glowy screen, casting light and carving shadow over the sultry features of his visage; an evenly straight slope of a nose, cheekbones feathered by long lashes, a bit of curl that traipses over his forehead. 
His chin swivels to his left, somewhere closer to the platform where a woman leans over the table— her designated team. The corners of his lips curl in response to whatever she’s said. He smiles. Nods. He tips his chin. Makes a creased face like something playful. Says something else, laughs softly, and turns back, shaking his head. 
You tuck the straw into your mouth and take another, long slow sip.  
In the heft of his hand, the stem of the mic nearly resembles a toy. A maquette between the thick of his fingers.
“Hope everyone’s having a lovely Thursday. M’Harry, I’ll be leading the trivia— as I do— so if you’re sitting there going, who is this obnoxious cock, talking into the mic the whole night? Hi, Hello. That’s me— I do trivia.”
You get it now. The infamous cynosure is fit. 
At first, you had been dubious to desert your romcom reruns and your cross-stitch project mid-way (despite the fact that your thumb now resembles a pin cushion) when your friends had swept you off into their regularly scheduled, mysteriously niche Thursday night schemes. Now, you get it. 
The destination— The Black Horse— is a fuggy little space that smells like spilt Michelob and fusty, weathered oak. There’s a no smoking sign pasted in a spare crevice of the backbar, but someone in the far right corner exhales a plume of vapor like they’ve hit their elfbar in the most nonchalantly covert manner imaginable. Shamelessly. It’s a small town— an islet in the heart of an archipelago— and you think you can make out your seventh grade swim team rival perched somewhere off in the front row. 
The Black Horse is nothing special. It sells cheap draughts by the pitcher and parallels a barbershop in the crux of the town, two blocks off the boardwalk, which is arguably the chiseled, shiny musgravite of Treah’s core— a roaring green sea that eats away at the borders of the isle, shrouding vibrantly hued cays, glimmering under the beam of the sun. The majority of the holm’s economy is dependent on tourism (a simultaneous bane— said tourists enjoy uprooting foliage, building infrastructures, and partaking in chunks of housing buyouts), but you can tell that The Black Horse has been …preserved to say the least. It’s four stone walls sewn into a plaza with three other natively owned businesses and looks like something straight out of a cinematic piece set in a rural village, planted into Treah long before you had her first wiggly tooth. 
The Black Horse isn’t what makes attendance worth it. It’s him—
“We’ve got a crowd tonight. If you haven’t played trivia with me here at The Black Horse before, welcome. S’a little different than your typical trivia, though, because it’s…”
The crowd hollers back, as if scripted, “Dirty trivia!” 
“Dirty Trivia,” Harry echoes, and when the edges of his lips crook, dimples burrow beside the corners, “Right, Dirty Trivia. This one’s rated R, so if you’re not old enough to be here, I dunno how you got here, but this is going to be your cue to head out. Any— any children in here tonight? …No? Wonderful.” 
He huffs into the mic, shaking his head and jostling his halo of curls. A jaundiced, warm beam catches on them. “I know that sounds ridiculous, but m’not even joking— a couple of weeks ago someone was sitting in here with, like, a little kid.” 
It’s Harry, with the divots burrowing into his cheeks, the croon into the mic, lighting the crowd alive on an introduction. Incandescent (speckled in stars, spelled out— you don't get that bit, yet.)
You cross your legs. Your friend raises her eyebrows from across the teak table top and says it with her eyes. Told you so; Trivia Man is a cream dream. 
“Yeah,” Harry confirms over the dispersed, appalled eruption of laughter, nodding down at someone seated at a table closer to the stage, “I was, like, …shit,” he blinks back up and motions out, a slow sweep with his free hand, “Friendly reminder, this is not a form of sex ed.” 
Pausing, (lips twitchy over the sown mirth), he brings the microphone back with a newfound seriousness and tacks on, nodding slowly, “…That kid won it for the whole team.” 
He smiles. It's a lopsided spall of a ruddy seam that shows teeth, and that's when you recognize the heinous, gurgling froth of a new addiction. Incipient, blooming along your shimmery, star-struck eyes.
“No, m’joking,” he clears his throat. “M’gonna pass out a sheet and some little note pads for your answers. You’re gonna use one of those little notes to jot down a clever team name, do the same in that team name spot of the sheet, and then pass the note up to me.”
Pussy Posse. A pre-established moniker you have had no jurisdiction over, merely perched as an addition to a settled cadre. Still, you gnaw into your cheek when you watch a friend beside you scribble in the title with a ballpoint. 
“I’ll be coming around between questions to pick those answers up, have a chat, whatever. We’re all here to have fun, yes?” 
You swear he sweeps you with his eyes, like a passing tide gliding the sea. Probably just the way the green in his sockets meets everyone else in the throng, but the moment it happens your molars chew in harder.
“On the topic of fun, let’s keep it nice and fair, yeah? Phones put away— no cheating— you’ll have plenty of time to check those when we have our break midway.”
It feels ignoble to eye-fuck him from behind the sheathes of your empty irises as he paces the stage— after all, this is just a wholesomely clad, virtuously upstanding guy leading trivia, but. The gears behind your skull are mottled with the amalgam of a fawning affliction— cerebrospinal fluid and sticky tar. It leaves you in a goop of thoughtless ogling that renders your head empty. Even when he makes his way to the bar-height table your team curls around, when his eyes linger on you— “A new face.”— you just...
Mindlessly stare. 
Dirty trivia, you learn, is dirty.
It hits you when Harry quips (dare you note, mischievously), “Hoo-hoo-hoo. Starting off strong with the first one.” 
He states, talc flickering from the LED display ahead to the bevy of trivia-players, “What country,” and pauses for emphasis, “has—“ pits grub at the smooth of his cheeks, beside the grin that splinters to show ivory teeth, “the highest average, in the world, for penis size?” 
There’s no source of entertainment like that of trivia held, on a Thursday, on a remote islet, in a poky bar that smells like stale beer and dust-coated, chipping leather. Evidently. 
“I actually don’t know this one,” Harry chimes, raising a wry shoulder, “So it’s trivia for me, as well.” 
“England,” Marina stamps a blow that the teak hasn’t warranted, whisper-shouting over the staggering peals of guffaw and chatter, “He’s hung, I bet you.”
“He’s not going to fuck you for writing in England,” Beth’s chortles clash with your scorned, “Marina.”
“That’s not even an answer,” Bee waves towards the flatscreen framed over the man’s head.
Senegal, Haiti, Ecuador, and Gambia. 
“Where the fuck is Gambia—”
You settle on Gambia. 
You watch Beth scribble it in and dot the i with an open sphere. The edges don’t meet. When Harry winds the rows of tables, plucking answer cards and making small-talk, you cast your inkpools into your glass, pyrexia across the bridge of your nose, brain-rotted with the insinuation of him being …hung.
“Lots of Haiti, lots of Senegal,” Harry states, once he’s smoothed the cards out with his colossal, ringed paws, and looked them over. 
You stare at the bob of his throat as he swallows, directing the mic back to his lips.
“Big reveal?” He pauses, as if for cataclysmic emphasis, riling the crowd enough for you to note restive shoulders and juddering feet. 
“Patience,” Harry says softly into the microphone, raising his eyebrows. It's a muted word that clicks in the speaker with a thump. Throbs between your ribs, under your cold hands.
With paltry warning, he reveals, “Ecuador! At,” squinting at the blue-toned LED, “—a whopping 6-point-nine-three. Solid for the average. Do we have any Ecuadorian men in the audience tonight? Anybody who’s added to that average? Congratulations. You beat us. You beat everyone.” 
There’s a dissonant slurry of responses, some ripostes flung along tables, some bouts of clapping, hollering over the rows, sloshing mugs raised in triumph. 
Harry’s deltoids climb in a shrug, and his head wags from side to side, “Some valiant contenders, those Ecuadorians.” 
“I told you it wasn’t Gambia—“
You ogles the way Harry tilts over the platform towards a table, brows kinked as if trying to pick up something audible he’d missed. In your periphery, Marina prods into Beth’s direction with a palmful of something claret in a pellucid martini glass. 
“What was that?” Harry coaxes into the microphone. 
The corners of his mouth have caved up, and by the time the majority of the trivia-players sink into a piqued lull, he’s slanted over toward the table. A brunette with long, shiny hair arches up out of her seat into her directions, braced to the teak high-top with planted, elbow-locked arms. 
“Where do you fall?” is undeniable the second time. 
Harry blinks. His mouth paints over with a smile. 
“Where do I fall?”
He blatantly bridles a sputter when he winds toward the laptop he’s set up, culls his glass of a golden, pale straw beer that’s lost its layer of foam, and takes a long drink. Clears his throat. “Wouldn’t you like to know. Very forward. Take me out to dinner first.” 
You discover that, despite the ubiquitously crude sexualizing, Harry is sort of like a bird. An Indian Peafowl, preening with its neatly arranged plume— he likes it. The flattery. His tongue peeks out and swipes along as he stares down at the screen. Little dimples pit when it tucks back in— ones he blatantly can’t contain. 
He chuckles and states into the microphone, “…Below. Don’t worry about it.” 
Somehow, you doubt it.  -
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You plait yourself into the Thursday Fawn Sessions as a regular attendee, curling up at the same high top to ogle the same man pace a platform with a microphone. Watch him make jesting comments and ask things like, “Axillism is the act of using what strange body part during sex?” 
You find yourself learning a thing or two from each session, and you find that the emeralds seated in his sockets linger on you, sometimes— this absolute clam shell taking up a spot in the bar and chugging fizzy water (ogling his frame in lull every time he approaches your table), too. Pussy Posse is no good at the trivia, more often than not wheedling in second-to-last, but you find yourself much too entertained to mind. 
Franks is a self-explanatory hot dog cart. It stands midway on the boardwalk and operates through sunny mizzles and borderline hurricane cloudbursts, when the green salt chuck is choppy. High tiding. Those are the days you stand out in your jaundiced poncho, salty rain spittle beating at your cheeks, and watch the waves eat at the ipe in a nasty, wet hunger, no customers in sight. 
Midsummer afternoons, though, are good. Busy. When Treah morphs industrious and bustling — tourists like Franks on the boardwalk. 
It’s a slow coda for June. The sea is planate, swaying over steel supports mantled by barnacles. Gulls chortle, gliding low in the ether— it oozes yellow, something balmy like the goo of an egg yolk. You've sold two hot dogs, tallied three joggers (one eager speedwalker), and noted one couple pushing a baby in a stroller, who offered tight-lipped smiles and veganism. You don't entirely mind a slow day, because setting shop on the boardwalk means spending the day on the boardwalk. Breathing the sea until your lungs are full of salt and your eardrums reverberate the crash of the water behind your skull. You taste it at the back of your throat— something like home as home could get.  
There’s another jogger loping— a moving blip of skin color in chiaroscuro against wood paneling. In the distance. Drawing closer. You imagine him passing the cart, the soles of his trainers padding over the row of planks until he’s just another form of lines and shading, faced away. You check your phone. 
The jogger is still a good bit away. You swipe open Wordle. You're on your third attempt of elucidating something that goes blank, I, blank, E, blank (with a P that doesn’t quite fit where you've slotted it)—
“Hi.”
Your eyes crest. 
Treah is a really small town. Not in a prudishly, bible-bashing form of a pastoral village, sheathed in a bosky, wooded moat of thicket and then plains of nothingness for hundreds of miles. But it is an island enveloped by the sea from all sides, sequestered without a boat or a little plane, whose wheels bumpily kiss the asphalt of anearly comically small airport. Even the tourists lodging up in their summer homes, all the same months like annual clockwork, make reappearances. The faces are, nearly always, the same, and you see the same faces often. It was only a (limited) matter of time before you'd coalesced beyond the borders skirting The Black Horse.
In hindsight, you didn’t envisage that you'd be wearing a baseball cap emblematized with a weenie when it happened. Or that his tits would be out and about. 
“Have you got water?”
He’s panting. Casually slippery; coated in sweat that glimmers in the sun and carves the well-toned sinews of his torso, with sunglasses tucked up over his curls like a makeshift headband. He ogles expectantly with a set of jade that puts the hues of the lapping, green sea behind him to shame. A parted mouth, sculpted and cushiony, sucks in breaths from the liminal space divvying their atoms while your own become clogged, somewhere midway an esophageal prison, in limbo toward your lungs. A shaded lepidoptera scored over his tummy flutters, batting its wings in the swell and sink of his diaphragm expanding. 
His shorts are teeny. Tiny, little things. Cobalt. Mirroring laurels carving alongside his V-line peek from the waistband, and a happy trail climbs to kiss his navel. 
You blink. “Yes. Yeah. We do. Yes. …Is bottled okay?” 
“Bottled is perfect.”
He sticks a hand into his pocket, eyes flickering to your face, away, back. Slow-like. You trace the wisps in the sky with your eyes, heat searing up your neck and pooling in the flesh of your face. It’s a sudden, unforeseen stuffiness sweltering for such a beautiful day. You recognize your horrid blunder in his next words. 
“Do I know you from somewhere?” 
You should have ducked your chin, tucked the visor lower, and hoped for the best. Instead, now, you blink, dazed and wide-eyed like a Red brocket saturated by blinding headlights.  
“Oh. I’m not sure. Um. Small …town— maybe?” 
“You come to, uh—“ a nudge with his chin in your direction as you arduously regulate the stuttery pace of your respiration. The jitter in your fingers, like a lovesick school girl. You cache them behind the cart and let them judder. “—trivia nights. At The Black Horse, yeah? I couldn’t forget a face like yours.” 
Harry grins, the way he does. Lopsided, so the left corner turns up a little higher— dimpled with a long flash of teeth. Except now, he’s slippery and half-naked. 
Folie. Miscalculated gaffe in a weenie cap. Your smile is tight.
“Oh—“ again, “…Yeah.” 
“Right,” Harry nods. Smiley. Lingering, looking you over. He buries an enormous hand back into his pocket then, brows creasing like he’s remembered something, and pulls out a little rectangle in cardboard paper. “Hey, actually. I’ve got this coupon here. S’what I do all the other days of the week, ah—“
He extends it out. 
Harve-y a free drink, on us! 
“M’a bartender over at Harvey’s. S’close to The Black Horse, if you’re in that area. Monday and Saturday mornings. Wednesday and Friday nights. If you come by, I’ll fix you up with a drink.” 
It feels impolite to leave him hanging, so you swipe out at the offering, cradling it with slow fingertips. 
“We can do some one on one trivia. Train you up,” Harry tacks on.
You swallow. Harry is an attractive man. His allure is apodictic— a sort of conventional, objective quality that leaves your throat parched when it becomes paired with his unfaltering eye contact. You're not a virgin, and you're an adept swimmer, but his presence feels like viridian saltwater that’s waiting to swallow her whole. The nerves that bubble, a fizz of chagrin, remind you why exactly you enjoy fawning from a distance. Because he makes you feel nervous, and when you're nervous, the dialogue spumes like miasmic word vomit. 
He’s got a thin sheathe of sweat that glimmers in the seat of his cupid’s bow, but it’s not in a gross way. In fact, it reminds you that the rest of him, his denuded skin, is slick, because he’s been jogging along the boardwalk. It reminds you how hard it is not to openly ogle the tattoos he’s got on show. You should have called out from your weenie gig, and you should have refilled her alprazolam prescription weeks ago. 
“Oh,” you tell him, slowly, face creasing, “I don’t— I don’t drink.”
Harry blinks. It’s a weird confession, considering you're a Thursday night regular at a bar that’s really only good for anything that has enough alcohol to shroud the stale taste perfuming the air. Still, nothing beyond open expectancy erupts along his features, and that’s worse. You feel them crawling up your throat, clambering up the back of your tongue like the words have knobby joints. They meet the backs of your teeth, waiting to spew. 
“—Not because I’m a recovering alcoholic or anything, I just don’t like the way it makes me feel. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Or drinking. I actually think it’s so admirable. You know? Like, to be brave… and… and a lot of times those people will attend support groups—“
Harry blinks again. 
“—And they talk about it. I can’t imagine sharing something like that— not that there’s anything wrong with it! But. Um. I always get virgin cocktails at The Black Horse. Or club soda. Or juice.”
Her lips seal over. You entrap the rest behind your traitorous teeth — a drawbridge that never should’ve sunk open. Despite your overly candid, overstated explanation, you don't stick the coupon back out in his direction. You harbor it in your hand, blinking slowly and gnawing into your cheek. 
“…S’okay. We do orange juice, too,” Harry tells her, entirely casual despite your discomfited speech, raising his brows. 
There’s the curbed efforts of a bemusedly mirthy grin at the corners of his mouth, and his nonchalant bearing only makes your face hotter. You feels like you're broiling under the shade of the awning. 
“And club soda.” 
“…Cool,” You settle on, tightly. 
“Sick.”
“…It’s, uh… two dollars,” you tell him when the reticence starts to suffocate you. 
You're going to go home and ram your head through a window. 
“Oh,” Harry casts his gaze to the water (it has the average, entirely typical proportions of a water bottle, but in his hand, it’s nearly miniature), as if he’s forgotten the chilly source of condensation coating his palm. That he’s in arrears. He sticks his free hand into the same pocket where the coupon was stuffed, “Right. I think I’ve got two dollars in here, somewhere.” 
Instead, when he stretches a bill out towards you, it’s worth ten. You avoid eye contact. You reach for the cash box tucked below, and you pry the lid up to delegate his change. 
“Oh,” Harry echoes, raising his enormous hand in effort of halting you, “S’alright. S’yours.”  
“Oh. I… can’t take tips. It’s, like. Against the code of conduct.” 
“Code of conduct at a …hot dog stand?” 
As if you needed to be reminded that you're donning a silly cap with an animated frank, standing on a boardwalk that’s practically empty of prospective patrons. The chagrin churns in your stomach and surfaces in the set line of your mouth. 
“…Yes.” 
Harry pauses, brows kinked like he’s ruminating, and then he inhales and decides, “Well. It’s not a tip, yeah? It’s just… you break it up, put two in the box, and then put the rest in your pocket.” 
“Oh. No. You— you’ve already given me the coupon—“ you argue, frenziedly waving out a mismatched wad of cash.
He raises his hands and ambles in one suavely, lengthy step back. “I’m going now.” 
“No!” 
He’s three away that would fit five or six of your own gait when he declares, “Yes! I hope to see you for that orange juice. On the house. Have a good one.” 
This is a patreon exclusive series. If you'd like to read more, part 2 is already up on my patreon! <3
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angel-of-the-moons · 5 months ago
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Peaches and Cream
Pre-War!Cooper Howard x Curvy!Fem!Reader
TW/CW: Smut, NSFW, Oral (f! Receiving), reader's got some thick thighs and little bit of hair down there, overuse of pet names. (You can't tell me this man wouldn't call you a pet name at every available opportunity)
MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME
A/N: Remember that line in MK 11 where Kano goes "Aren't you a peach? I could eat a peach for hours."? I just got some body wash that smells exactly like those peach ring candies and this happened upon me like a bolt of Zeus hit me whilst in the shower today
Divider by @/saradika-graphics
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Being on the rebound after the messy divorce with Barb wasn't on Cooper's priority lists. Dating one of the animal trainers from one of his movies sets was certainly never an avenue he thought he'd pursue.
But when his horse got loose on set and she ignored him in favor of you? Oh, you got his attention all right... One thing led to another, and boy did the tabloids have a field day when pictures of the two of you kissing made it into circulation.
You were used to tabloids and reporters, working on movie sets. And now, dating America's favorite heart-throb cowboy? Oh, you bet your ass if you weren't used to it before you sure were, now.
You had fallen into a comfortable routine, often staying over at his place. To say Barb was prickly about how quickly he seemed to move on was... nice. She did however like how good you were with Janey, so that eased her annoyance with you some. So, she got used to seeing you around when Cooper would pick Janey up or when she dropped her off.
Today was one of those days, Cooper had run out to see his agent about something when Barb showed up to take Janey back again. You said stiff goodbyes and gave Janey a big hug, and once they were off, hopped in for a quick shower.
Your skin was still damp and your hair was still wrapped up in a towel when he got back, looking tired and annoyed.
Cooper kicked his shoes off by the front door, Roosevelt letting our short barks of excitement as his owner patted his head, before scampering back off to lay in his bed and gnaw his beef bone in content.
You just finished pouring a glass of sweet tea when Cooper's calloused hands circled your waist from behind, briefly giving your soft belly a squeeze before his fingers bunched in your dress as he kissed your neck. "Missed ya." He murmured.
"You were gone maybe, twenty minutes." You giggled, reaching up to brush his cheek with your hand as you slipped your drink, the ice cubes clinking loudly on the glass.
"Long enough. Didn't even get to kiss my baby goodbye when she got strapped into her Mama's car." He snorted, pressing his nose against your skin, breathing in the scent of the soaps you'd used.
"Damn, you smell good. Like a fuckin' peach."
"Oh?" You smirked as his hands began to roam, reaching down the front of your dress to grip the fat of your thighs in his palms, kneading softly. You bit your lip when he hummed an affirmation, his teeth grazing your skin on your shoulder.
"Mhhm... Good 'nuff to fuckin' eat." He drawled, his tone as thick and sweet as molasses; the timbre of his voice crawling through your pores.
"If you're hungry I can make dinner." You reply breathlessly, trying to interject your sense of humor.
"Nah, darlin'." Cooper growled, yaking you by the dress so you were flush tight against him; able to feel the growing outline of his cock as it filled out the crotch of his pants, "Not the kinda snack I want."
His breath hot on your ear, goosebumps on your skin; you barely had enough time to set your glass of tea down on the counter before he began tugging you to his bedroom; the towel on your head being unraveled and forgotten in the hall along the way.
The moment his door was kicked shut he turned you around and his mouth found yours like a homing missile--all teeth and tongue; dancing, twining, tugging and messy--knocking the air from your lungs as his hands blindly unbuttoned the top of your dress, groaning when the soft expanse of your bare breasts greeted his hands.
"No bra, darlin'?" Cooper rasped, pulling back from your mouth to grin.
"'s more comfortable." You barely mutter out before his lips are on you again, kissing you backwards until your knees hit the edge of the bed, knocking you back while he stayed standing.
His eyes lit up with a mischievous twinkle as he gave you that signature smirk of his coupled with the quirk of his brow. "Oh, you won't catch me complainin' babydoll... Not at all."
You huff and reach down, undoing the clasp to his belt, hastily trying to slide it free of the loops of his pants, but his hand stops you and you pout up at him impatiently.
"Easy now, baby." He said in a low and heavy tone, his accent emphasizing "baby" and making a shiver creep down to your toes.
He lifted his other hand to tug the buttons on his shirt free, plucking each one until his button-up was open more, revealing the white undershirt beneath.
"Now..." He growled softly as he began to sink to his knees, "Told ya I wanted a snack, darlin'... Now I'm gonna get one. Just lay back and relax."
Your heart sputtered a beat as Cooper pulled your thighs apart and just tugged your panties to the side; not even bothering to remove them before giving your damp folds an open-mouthed kiss, running his tongue along the length of your slit and drawing a shaky moan from you.
His hand trailed softly over your skin, brushing over the short mess of curls before using his thumb to pull the hood of your clit back; giving the sensitive nub a nip before chuckling.
"You're awful jumpy t'day, baby." He said, kissing that sweet little pearl a couple of times, stroking it with his fingers as you huff out a whine.
"Your fault..." You groaned, daring to look down at him.
Your eyes locked and he gives you a short wink, lowering his mouth again, this time dragging his tongue up your folds slowly before moving back down again as his thumb rolls your clit in opposite tune of his mouth.
Your head dropped back onto the bed and your voice seized in your throat, one hand bunching in the sheets while the other goes to grip at his immaculately slicked-back hair, tugging the strands free as you feel his tongue curl inside of you.
Cooper was good with his mouth; both on-screen and in the bedroom, this was never a debate.
His tongue was so skilled it had your legs all but jelly one night when he parked it at the local lookout; he'd lifted the cupholder separating your seats and tugged your hips over to him, leaning across the divider to eat you out right there in the front seat of his car. You barely had enough time to grasp that it was really happening before he ripped those sweet, sweet sounds he loved so much from you.
God, were you thankful that nobody had caught you two that night; "Cooper Howard caught in compromising position at Lover's Lane" you could just imagine the press salivating at that headline if they'd caught you.
You were happy he kept his antics on set confined to his trailer... but you had a feeling somebody walking by could probably hear what went on in there.
"Oh, fuck--Cooper!" You mewled, arching your back when he slid his long fingers inside of you, his lips wrapping firmly around your clit like a vacuum, writing obscene love-notes with his tongue, drawing more and more of your beautiful voice from inside of you.
Your toes curled and your hand tugged at his hair, making him groan and his eyes roll; his voice vibrating against you in a way that had you practically sobbing.
"Jus'--fuh--fuck." You moaned breathlessly, your heart pounding in your chest, your toes curling so hard you could feel your calves beginning to cramp.
"B-baby I'm--" You hiccuped; "'m gonna... gonna..."
All your words did was spur him on further, encouraging him to flatten his tongue in one long, slow drag until he could flick your clit again, his face and hand already soaked with your mess; his eyes dark and hungry like a wolf about to eat his lamb.
"That's it baby, c'mon, give it t' me." Cooper muttered against you before stroking your clit once again with his fingers, plunging his tongue and fingers inside of you in an alternating rhythm that had your brain feeling like it was turning to liquid sludge inside your skull as your climax hit you as if it were a runaway freight train.
Both of your hands gripped his hair tight, your thighs squeezing around his head, the flesh molding around his head wonderfully as he drank down your release, his hands going around your thighs to reach up and squeeze your belly while you rutted against his mouth; your voice babbling the sexiest things he could ever hope to hear from you.
When your orgasm finally died down and your legs dropped to hang over the edge of the bed, Cooper pulled back and grinned up at you, his face slick and shiny with your juices, his hair an absolute mess.
Fuck, he looked so good like that.
"You good, darlin'?" He asked you, his hands spreading over the squishy pouch of your tummy, his fingers tracing the stretch marks that lightly etched your skin.
"I... Y... yeah. Just need a breather." You pant, your eyelids heavy as you blinked up drunkenly at the ceiling.
"Good. He hummed, leaning down to kiss your throbbing clit, grinning at how your breathing stuttered and your body twitched as he did.
"Cause I can eat a peach for hours, babydoll."
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