#mix rambles

[a-god-damn-shit-sucking-vampire]

SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP

I've hunted for this EVERYWHERE!!! And now I finally have it and it's so beautiful

[kcrabb88]

I feel like we really lost something when we started looking at writing as a reader-centric product meant to appeal to the desires of a specific audience rather than a writer-centric approach of someone writes whatever particular thing particular compels them/whatever weird thing the demons in their head want to talk about, and people out there who are also compelled, and/or relate, find that writing. A lot of discussions of writing really center around what readers want rather than a writer's exploration. Sometimes as a reader I don't know what I want. I click on a fic or pick up a book I'm not sure about but that looks interesting, and I love it. Reading what I expect to get is it's own joy, but we always need to expand our horizons and not get mad at creators for not always writing what we want/expect.

[salamispots]

speedrunning a bday gift for bb nephew hjdfgjh

[deerspherestudios]

Hello hello! I'm Cheea, also known as DeersphereStudios; if you're here for content related to my games on itch.io, you're in the right place! You can expect lore snippets and doodles, behind-the-scenes and other stuff that players might be interested in!

My current ongoing project is Mushroom Oasis, initially submitted for a Yandere Game Jam in 2023. While that's the main focus of this blog, I also occasionally talk about my other one-shot games: Astronought and Lift Your Spirits!

Enjoy your stay! ☕🐰

🔗 LINKS 🔗:

🎮 itch.io ▏ 🎨 Patreon ▏ 🦋 Fan-MO Discord

📖 FAQs 📖:

[PLEASE READ BEFORE SENDING AN ASK!]

🔍 MUSHROOM OASIS QnA MASTERLIST 🔎:

❥ [PART 1] Mychael's abilities, romantic/yandere traits and his opinion on kids.

❥ [PART 2] Mychael’s anatomy.

❥ [PART 3] Mychael’s reactions to different MCs.

❥ [PART 4] Mychael's general lore and an AU featuring MindReader!Mychael.

🔍 LIFT YOUR SPIRITS QnA MASTERLIST 🔎

🔍 ASTRONOUGHT QnA MASTERLIST 🔎

// EXTRAS BELOW:

// TAGS:

✿ mushroom oasis vn/lift your spirits vn/astronought vn = official game tag.

✿ mychael ask/alma ask/atom ask = questions about each character!

✿ fanart, fanfic = (submitted or reblogged) fanworks.

✿ doodles = silly scenarios in sketch form.

✿ light spoilers = posts that imply future updates.

✿ bts = behind the scenes for any current or past projects.

✿ cheea chatter = dev posts, bit random.

✿ jar of fireflies = lovely messages from players that make my day!

✿ happy birthday mychael/alma/atom = special fanart for their special day(s)!

✿ mushroom musings = theories for the Mushroom Oasis game!

✿ poll time = silly and sometimes plot-relevant polls!

✿ patreon post-its = posts shared from my patreon!

// MY GAMES:

beware of toxic fungi. a slow burn yandere vn : itch.io

🍄 Questions about Mychael (ask tag) 🍄 Mychael's character sheet 🍄 Firefly's character sheet 🍄 of mushrooms and men ║ a mychael playlist (Spotify)

trapped in space with a stranger too keen on getting to know you. a short sci-fi horror/romance(??) vn : itch.io

👽 Questions about Atom (ask tag) 👽 Astronought QnA masterlist 👽 Atom's character sheet (coming soon) 👽 Luna's character sheet (coming soon)

are the campus rumors true? short horror/light romance vn : itch.io

👻 Questions about Alma/Vida (ask tag) 👻 Lift Your Spirits QnA masterlist 👻 Alma/Vida's character sheet (coming soon) 👻 MC's character sheet (coming soon)

✩ Thank you to @/thecutestgrotto and @/plum98 for their lovely dividers!

✩ For my own personal use: the old pinned post.

[bluerosefox]

Stellar Dynamics

You know what.

ANOTHER DPxDC idea (as if I write prompts for anything else lol ✍(◔◡◔)

And once again, I think I might have a hyperfixation rn, another deaged Dani (Ellie) and Dan (Dante)! and Dad!Danny.

And you know what, lets make it another DannyxConner idea.

Danny is on a field trip with his class (NOT in Gotham though, LOVE Gotham but lets go with a different city) in like Central City or Metropolis (If Metropolis, Danny is SUPER excited to see the space sections they have at the museum they no doubt have, because well SUPERMAN is an alien and based in their city. If in Central City Conner is visiting Bart.)

During the trip he bumps into Conner and the two just hit it off. Conner enjoys listening to Danny rant about space and the stars and finds watching Danny's eyes light up in joy kinda cute. And if he got his new hero name Supernova from listening to Danny's rants about the stars well... no one needs to know how he got it.

Danny likes how chill Conner is and how the guy stood against Dash and the other jocks when Dash decided he wanted to mess with Danny during the trip, a rare thing nowadays but sometimes Dash does try, and how he respects/likes Danny's friends.

He didn't even say anything negative or hurtful when he found out Danny has two kids back home.

In the end the two exchange numbers, flirt hard, and maybe set up a date in the future. And then more dates. Becoming boyfriends. AND meeting the family. Conner is smitten with just out of toddlerhood Ellie and toddler Dante and adores them. And he loves how the Fentons just love him the moment he stepped into their house and was introduced as Danny's boyfriend, he made sure to bring over a pie Ma should him how to make.

Things get a bit complicated when Conner, Supernova, is at a reunion of YJ members and his phone lights up with a text message from Danny.

He's smiling with a goofy/soft look when he opens the text and see's its a picture of Danny holding a pouting toddler Dante and Ellie on his lap smiling with a notable gap in her teeth at the camera. The message he got was 'Ellie wanted you to know she finally lost her first baby tooth. Dan's been grumpier, I think he misses you.'

He is pulled out of his happy thoughts and musings when he hears Bart gasp hard and drop a bowl of snacks onto the floor. Conner turns to from the future Speedster and see's him about to have a panic attack.

Bart, Impulse, is having a freak out after catching a glimpse of the text picture Conner had gotten and being nosy wanted to know what got his friend to smile so smitten. He knew of Conner's current boyfriend and the kids Conner adores but haven't had time to be introduced to them or even see a pic.

He wasn't expecting to see the very MONSTER of his NIGHTMARES that basically destroyed the world in the FUTURE as a toddler pouting at a camera and surrounded by two smiling identical looking people either. People he never saw in the future or with HIM AND-

Oh.... OH!

Was that why he turned evil? Did something happen to his family?

[thatimageoftomscott]

whatever. tom scott pirate ddr footage.

[deimosatellite]

[zondearts]

More More doves

[kawareo]

Been thinking about companion Strike a lot... he's still the dark urge, you can romance him, and he is definitely an alcoholic

[slavhew]

prusty torment nexus

[a-god-damn-shit-sucking-vampire]

My irl friends keep sending me Saw stuff, and I'm just here like...I'm so glad my brain rot has infected their lives, too

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.

[tagetto]

using turbo as an excuse to study some fun facial topology methods.

[secondbeatsongs]

old books are so funny. "oh no I had to leave the horrible city and go to the nice pristine countryside because of my delicate health! anyway this is my third cigarette of the day and it's barely noon; come back later and we can drink a truly insane amount of alcohol together and stay up all night getting self-righteous about sexual perversion and youthful hedonism."

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

Pure Vanilla Cookie and Shadow Milk Cookie's color palettes have led me to a realization.

And I'm so, so (not) sorry to have you see my vision too.

[moomoorare]

I really hope the qsmp members get together for another smp or something. Don't need it to be crazy lore wise like the qsmp was, especially bc of the work ethics and business aspect, but just hanging out and doing their own thing? Bantering, solving puzzles? Exchanging knowledge of their countries, folklore, culture food language, ohhh man I really want that back SO BADLY