#missed the feeling of this place fr
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graveilexxy · 10 months ago
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noxious-fennec · 1 year ago
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A redraw of an old thing because exam season is the only time i get creative energy ig
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spaghett-onaplate · 7 months ago
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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ignatus-nigh · 9 months ago
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{ a n g e l i c }
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kindahoping4forever · 6 months ago
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Are you going to the show tonight?
No, I cut my bangs too short yesterday, he definitely can't see me for another few weeks. 🥸
Jk jk (well not about the bangs unfortunately, I look very 3rd grade picture day rn) - because of my health issues and other assorted logistical realities in my life, spontaneous nights out are a luxury I very rarely can afford, both literally and figuratively.
It sucks not being able to take advantage of living where I do but I'm very grateful that more often than not, there are attendees that are kind enough to share their content so we can all enjoy it! 🥰🫶🏻
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adore-gregor · 2 months ago
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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kuromi-hoemie · 4 hours ago
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i love latinas and black women so fucking much
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im afrolatina don't be weird about this
#thinking about this one girl who used to have such a big crush on me 🙈 i hope she's going good these days she was so cute ♡⁠#MANY SUCH CASES#i miss living in a predominantly latine community sometimes 🥲💕#it's been really nice living in a predominantly black one though 🥺 I've never gotten to live around sm other black folk before#second picture is actually me fr#there's sm poc around this part of town in general#i can't believe i actually told one of the budtenders she had my heart going crazy 🙈 she was such a sweetie#what is it about budtenders.. there is a pattern of being v sweet to/on budtenders 🙈 with permission/enthusiasm ofc#part of me thinks they just purposefully hire hot cool friendly people. i only have budtenders I'm sweet to here but no one I'm sweet on#YET!!!!!! I will find my dispensary bae to replace the one from my old city. who's hands do i hold and kiss‚ who do i hold and sweettalk#hello it is so nice to see you again#ANYWAYS!!!!!#there's a lot of beautiful people out there.. u can just talk to them.. most ppl r happy to talk if u have something to say#what a beautiful world. I'm gonna get out of my multi hour hot bath now i wanna go talk to somebody ♡⁠ and maybe make#me n my friends collars when i get back. I'm making us a matching pair ^.^ ♡⁠ he'd look so good in it.#i need to see him in the chain/collar/black sleeveless top trifecta 👁️👁️ my little masc dress up doll ♡⁠#i love butches.. i love sm people 🥲💕#I'm all over the place. i feel like those gifs of a tesseract rotating thru everything at all times#a girl who oscillates between all her options‚ if u will..#...... soooooo painful to get out of such a beautiful hot bath. oooooooh 🥲🥲🥲💔#k bye
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britneyshakespeare · 10 months ago
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I don't know who needs to hear this but the Black Parade isn't even a tad bit overrated
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coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year ago
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ppl in the house and I’m too intimidated to walk to my room so I’m throwing Jeremiah excerpts like bread ends to ducks:
It’s October in 2005 which means it’s cold in Maryland and still warm in Las Vegas. Jeremiah’s been watching the weather channel more frequently lately as a form of pure entertainment which seems like a strange thing to do, probably because it is but also more likely because the weatherman’s got a Colgate smile and hair like Keanu Reeves’ in My Own Private Idaho. He’s named after a flower or something of the like—Prim, Basil, Aster, Sage. Really, Jeremiah should know because he’s invested enough to know the man has a subtle lisp and a birthmark above his right eyebrow, but maybe the problem is that he’s paying too much attention to the man’s subtle lisp and birthmark. Still, he finds himself thinking of the man when he sits on the balcony with a mug of Ovaltine, the weather channel muffled through the closed door. When did he decide to become a weatherman? And is the job rewarding?
Sometimes the reality that he’s dreaming about a weatherman who doesn’t know he exists hits him so hard he goes back inside and turns the TV off right away
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i-am-thevoid · 3 months ago
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love how i keep getting consumed by soul crushing homesickness only to be reminded that theres nothing there for me anymore anyway
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asmallcafethatslove · 10 months ago
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I miss jenna marbles so much 😭
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warm-mangoes-with-chai · 1 year ago
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Just watched this week's JJK & TGCF eps- I feel wondrous again and I'm gonna be okay 🥹🧡
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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i worked onmy ermmm. little good habits reward sheet a lot .. im pretty excited :] i was gonna wait to start it until ive moved home bc a lot of the things r home specific (like spending time with loved ones etc) BUT i think im gonna go ahead n start it tmrw... i think itll be good to go ahead n get started on it b4 i move back that way its not such a big transition bc i think thats why my like. plans t get better when i moved up here. failed. so horrifically lol. bc i didnt give myseld any lead in i just made a huge change and then got upset when i didnt immediately adjust.
#i do eventually wanna move back to wa on my own bc i feel like. i didnt rly get to spend time here due to the everything. i just dont think#i was at all ready. and thats entirely on me i chose this i ignored literally everybody around me telling me it wasnt a good idea#i brought this all on myself. but i wanna try n improve#n im excitedd!! i think next year/whenever im Fr ready. im gonna try n move out to my old hometown#since my family moved away from it#which i think will be rly nice bc ill like. be independeny but in a familiar place and like. still close to home. ill still be able t have#the same insurance etc etc..#itll get rid of a Lot of stressors basically. and ill be able to visit family way easier !!#plus my hometown is way more walkable and since. idk if ill ever be able t drive just bc of like. my general nature#thats something im rly rly looking for...#i think my new goalsheet is rly well balanced as well. its likee#its based on thise little metallic walmart star stickers bc i miss those rly bad#thats the entire inspo. obv rn itll have to be digital bc i cant get my little star stickers#but. its like a points system#red is 5 points yellow is 3 points green is 2 points and blue is 1 point#(might move them around to make green 5 points bc green was my star color when i was little lol)#and each point is worth .50 cents. and so however many points i have at the end of the week thats how much money i get t have in my like#personal acct. and i get to use that however i want#and everything else will go to likee. savings and bills (i wont have bills for a while but yk)#and i even have likee. a streak system#i need to work on that sl its like balanced. bc idk if it is rn#my idea was t just have it be like. bc th way it is like#the tasks r split up by difficulty. more difficult tasks earn different colors#so my most difficult on there rn is to go for a walk#/ go to a public place / spend time outside#rly that goal is rly geared toward my hometown but im still gonna try n do it in my parents town... yk :] like i can ask my mom t take me#to th library and stuff. bc i wanna start going more#we went to th one here a couple times but it kinda got. shelved. yk. and i miss it#the one in ny hometown was rightt by our house and i never went#and im mad abt kt.
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sol-of-ashanti · 4 months ago
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Tryna take pictures again
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uwuspaceboy · 5 months ago
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hello, i made a deal with god and so i watched one (1) episode of shameless today after my 2 month long ban from the shameless factory. here are my thoughts on 10x8
first things first, i fucking called it i called a mickey ian marriage for spousal privelege from testifying against each other like 4 fucking seasons ago, yes it was for a different thing but i called it none the less
i feel bad for mickey bc he has problems with not feeling like anyone loves him (fuck u terry!!!) and ian hesitating to sign the marriage license after realizing they didn't need to to stay out of prison must've been just like hell for him i'm so sorry
i also totally understand why ian's hesitant about marriage!! his parents are........you know. his sister got married once after knowing a guy for like 4 hours, had a messy divorce, got engaged to another guy at the divorce lawyer meeting, then the wedding got called off moments before the alter bc her fiancee had been using meth again for months without telling her. like, that's not a great endorsement for marriage. it's a big deal i get it, but maybe step outside the marriage license office to have this conversation lol
although i'm not surprised mickey punched ian about maybe not wanting to marry him for all of the above reasons, you can't be punching him mickey!! when yall were teenagers and just fought everyone it was like, yeah okay, they're dumb teenagers who just fight everyone, but you're adults now! use your words mickey! if you want to wife him up you can't be punching him jesus christ
i also thought this was a pretty good lip episode. he's kind of wanted to be a dad for a long time and i think he's pretty good at it, helping taking care of 4 younger siblings really helped you out man
debbie getting sugar momma slay
the face young frank made at the guy whose life he ruined was really funny ngl i laughed out loud
liam is on levels of grift that high school lip could only dream about good for u bud
carl is a sicko. we all know this. also him trying to do the same grift that ian did to get into the army but rolling a nat 1 was great the parallels
also i love kev and v. i have nothing of significance to say about their storyline this ep, but just know that i do in fact love them.
also i miss the other milkovich brothers, idk who all these other milkoviches are also fuck u terry
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widevibratobitch · 11 months ago
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#look away everyone this is gonna be embarrassing#nothing new really same old shit that's been going on every day for almost 20 years with me but uhh#at this point i dont even wish i were fucking skinny (<-lying). id give anything to just go back to my lowest ed weight#which was by no means skinny. not even thin. but it was thinnER than now.#anyway. nothing makes you hate your own body quite like trying to buy clothes lol#being a huge hypocrite rn cause yes yes fuck fast fashion we know#but being able to go shopping for clothes with your friends to a mainstream brand shop and only feeling *a little* inferior in all aspects#but not ENTIRELY worthless as a woman and a human being in general. my god. it only happened once in my entire life#and i had so much fun that day. and i felt so good and happy and even a little attractive. we love internalised mysogyny <333#but i miss experiencing the first stirrings of this stupid ass shy little hope that i could actually be considered hot and pretty#for the first time in my fucking life. like hot and pretty RIGHT NOW. not in some undefined future of ✨...if you lost some weight✨#idk it just feels like it was all for nothing. i ruined every part of my life i fucked up my teeth and my skin and my hair and my metabolism#and my relationship with food. forever lol and it was for nothing because at the end of the day im basically back to the weight i started w/#its a goddamn joke. like yeah maybe im not losing fistfuls of hair on a daily basis anymore but id honestly rather just go fully bald#if i was allowed to keep the weight off#god i only hope i die in a way that will completely obliterate my body. it is kind of a comfort#no matter what - at least ill always have the train tracks i used to play on as a kid <33 one of my most beloved places in the world fr
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