#miss you always dad
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skunkes · 5 months ago
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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kosmogrl · 2 months ago
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
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He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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petrichara · 2 months ago
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It’s October and nine years have passed. I say it’s dark, it’s cold, it’s a season of grief. I don’t know what I’m missing, don’t know what it means. I can’t imagine a life with you here. You’re something I feel, not someone I know; the hum of the house and nobody’s home. I don’t mean to be cruel, I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want to see you in the lawn decor.
Still, the weather gets cold and you’re a creak in the knee. I’m sorry you’re a talking point, sorry you’re a myth. I miss you and I missed you. It’s all in the mist.
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lunarkittenn · 7 months ago
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I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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endrimer · 8 months ago
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doodles!!
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the-phantom-author · 1 year ago
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Dad!Hasan who is always ready to hype his kids up when they hit milestones in their lives. Anything from mastering a skill to kissing someone else for the first time to wanting to check out collages, he's their biggest cheerleader and is willing to give out any advice he can that the kids will listen to.
Dad!Ludwig who is undeniably the fun parent. His son wants to stay up after bedtime while you're away on a business trip? That okay, as long he's not on a screen, Lud would absolutely let him stay up. They'll draw or build Legos or he'll play a game and let his son watch (I mean technically the young boy isn't playing therefore he's good, right?)
Dad!Wilbur whose always willing to encourage his daughter when she starts collecting things. Postcards from places she visits with her parents? Okay, he'll make sure to stop at every town and take her to pick out her favorite card, or two or three. She's interested in rocks? They go out at least once a week to go and look for different rock to tumble and add to her little collection.
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incomingalbatross · 2 months ago
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@thatscarletflycatcher @brambleberrycottage I would love to talk more about Cranford, but I've been having trouble coming up with anything more eloquent than "it's Good." Because it IS.
I'm really glad it seemed to be a hit with our book club (mainly composed of my family + one other). Multiple people mentioned specifically that for a while they felt like it wasn't going anywhere in particular (which was fine) but then it DID! I think everyone, rightfully, loved Miss Matty. There were also a lot of laughs about the funny parts of the book, especially the hosting/manners-related humor.
Personally I had a pretty good idea of the book's virtues going in (which may be why I had a hard time coming up with commentary - you guys know all this already! I heard it here first! :P). But I loved the pathos and the humor and... really, the tenderness for little, quiet lives, that can acknowledge their ridiculousness and obscurity and seeming futility but still paint them with love and dignity.
The quiet tragedies are heartbreaking - but so are the kindnesses. These ladies are all absurd sometimes - because they're human. It's just. It's very much about human dignity and goodness and the worth of every human life even at its pettiest.
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itsalwaysforyou · 10 months ago
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just remembered a wip i had which was jay at uni meeting normal people and desperately trying to act cool and normal whilst internally screaming about being in a whole new place with all new people and not having his gang with him
#i only wrote one scene where jay meets one of his flatmates#and he’s trying to make casual normal conversation & asks her who her parents are#bc that has always mattered! on the isle or at auradon prep your parentage was also a Conversation Starter#and the girl is just like ……what. why do you want to know that#but she tells him and jay makes it into a joke like hehe oh yes i met them at a soirée once. amazing company#and the girl is like ok who are YOUR parents. knowing full well who he is#and jay says that his dad fosters puppies. and the girl says that sounds like a good life and he’s like ohhh just the BEST#i really. love exploring jay at uni i’ve written a couple of things i’ve never finished#like!!! for the first time for years he’s well and truly all alone!!!!#and at least the isle & ap had similarities. uni is just full of very normal people who don’t particularly give a shit#and jay who is like THE guy who cares about everything so much all the time and how people are reacting to him and he’s desperately trying+#to be so cool and unbothered whilst trying not to revert to his isle tactics regarding people who may be threats#just. being somewhere so so new. with no one he knows. everyone else is so far away. and jay is missing his gang like he’d miss+#his body parts. and it’s like. jays always buried his own emotions & hurt so he can better protect his gang#and now he has no gang to protect#and he is just laid absolutely bare. and also constantly stressing about not being there for the others#i just think he’d have an absolutely awful start to uni <3#descendants#jay son of jafar
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skunkes · 3 months ago
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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muninnhuginn · 11 months ago
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still thinking of the hospital scene near the end of move to heaven where geu-ru starts to let slip how much he has been affected by jeong-woo's death. it's been evident before this point, but never more than glimpses. stuff like him refusing to let his uncle use any of his dad's things. he also sometimes provides insight about how he relates to clients, but in a way that gives off an impression that he's sad, but that he's coping. when in actuality, he really isn't.
he hasn't even tidied out his dad's room, just left it untouched. he's been avoiding calls and texts regarding his father's ashes for weeks. han geu-ru is a trauma cleaner. he helps other people move on with the deaths of their loved ones, but he hasn't allowed himself to process.
anyway, it's the dialogue that really hits for me. when geu-ru asks his uncle to be honest with him, because his dad wasn't, and he can't face that again. and san-gu says that jeong-woo lied to geu-ru about being fine because he loved him. so geu-ru doesn't to worry about sang-gu lying because he doesn't love him as much as jeong-woo did anyway. it's half-joking, because at this point we know sang-gu clearly does care for his nephew. but that doesn't matter to geu-ru.
geu-ru says, "don't love me". he says, "don't hide anything from me".
geu-ru knew his dad loved him. his dad made sure he knew it every single day and geu-ru appreciated that dearly. but he would rather his uncle not love him if it means he doesn't have to lose him too.
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therichantsim · 6 months ago
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Grief is such a wild son of a bitch. It can be the most random thing that will unlock a memory, and then you find yourself standing in the middle of the kitchen while the microwave constantly beeps. Tears run down your face, replaying that memory and wishing you could hug them again.
The only thing that breaks your suspended moment in time is your son walking in panicking from seeing you crying
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year ago
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secret good spn that exists in my head is where Chuck decides he wants to throw himself into the middle of the Lucifer vs TFW custody battle over Jack. he’s about to be the best grandpa of all time. he’s about to make sure that jack loves him most and will come with him willingly while his other potential father figures are tearing each other apart. he’s going to make sure that his second shot at raising a lucifer who can’t disobey him goes right <3
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jomeimei421 · 1 year ago
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GYAAHHH people are reblogging ANCIENT art of mine
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panic-in-the-multiverse · 8 months ago
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​nah but the way Omega hugged Crosshair before Hunter hurt a part of my heart but at the same time healed a part of my heart
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