#miss spelling baz's name

[rhoy-angel]

Nicodemus being nice to Baz

ok, listen I think that Nico would purposely get kidnaped by numpties or says that he got kidnaped by them just so that he could sit in the back seat of fionas car and attempt to bond with Baz. While Simon has to sit in the front seat with Fiona. and the entire car ride is just that awkward silence. and one day when Fiona is asked to pick up Simon and Baz or something she sees a sticky note on the roof in the back seat that says 'Vampires who got kidnaped by numpties Club' and 'President of club-tyrannous bazelton Grimm-Pitch' and 'creator of the club in an attempt to bond with the president of club-Nico' and Fiona would just smile.

[aristocratic-otter]

We'll pretend it's still Sunday...somewhere in the world, maybe it is! I don't know, ask my friend @frjsti, I suck at time zones.

The fun thing about taking weeks to post is that I get to collect all of y'all's tags like Pokémon. It gives me a little thrill to add another name to my list of people to thank--caught another one! This one's an Ultra! (Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about? I don't. The only Pokémon I can ever remember is Pikachu).

So, here's who I've collected since last I posted:

Thank you to : @alexalexinii, @artsyunderstudy, @monbons, @prettygoododds, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe,

@blackberrysummerblog, @nausikaaa, @bookish-bogwitch, @iamamythologicalcreature, @emeryhall,

@rimeswithpurple, @larkral, @youarenevertooold, @ileadacharmedlife, @thewholelemon,

@thehoneyedhufflepuff, @j-nipper-95

On with the snippets! Some of these honestly are a little out of date, since I've been collecting them for weeks and I've posted three chapters recently. But I'm sure y'all won't mind.

Also, did I count sentences? No, no I did not.

From Saving Simon Snow: 

I frown at her. “Souls are real? I thought mages weren’t religious.”

Penny waves a dismissive hand. “We’re not. The word soul is just a convenient way to describe the core of magic found in each mage.”

I frown harder. “Wait, then. I had no magic, so I shouldn’t have a ‘soul’ as you call it. Why did the spell work on me?”

It’s Penny’s turn to look troubled. “And Baz is a vampire and has no soul, so that doesn’t make sense either.”

“He has a soul!” I protest. “He has magic, doesn’t he?”

From the Heart in the Well

“But what are we to do about this?” I point to him and me and then to the now-six inches of water lapping around my ankles. 

Snow frowns. “Shit,” he mutters. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“When do you ever think?” I snap. It hasn’t been too cold, but now, soaked to the skin, I’m feeling the temperature. I rub my arms. They haven’t gone numb—my vampire nature doesn’t really permit me that sort of human response—but I remember what it feels like to go numb, from back before I was turned. So even if the cold can’t really harm me, it makes me feel more human to act as if it could. 

From Snow Fox: 

I run my hand over my face, trying to rub away the exhaustion that’s dogged me since I brought Baz home for the last time. I’ve not been able to sleep through the night since then; between missing his arms around me and stress over my many responsibilities, it’s no wonder that rest evades me. 

I don’t want to put Penny at risk. But she’s right–she’s the most likely person to be able to get in and get back out again. Every man in my troop, including Shepard, has featured on one of the redcoat’s wanted posters. Our images are plastered to every tree from Atlanta to Charleston. 

From TikTok Dancer: 

.He shrugs again. “Well, you’re beautiful.” He says it in a matter of fact way, like he’s saying the sky is blue, or oatmeal is what’s for breakfast. I feel that tug in my chest again. “How did you manage to stay a virgin so long? Or is it just that you usually bottom?”

“I’m a virgin,” I sigh, giving up any pretense of appearing sophisticated. This man manages to unravel every false front I try to put up. “Or, I was.”

He grins again. “I’m honored that you chose me then. Now, are you ready to go again?”

From Stars, Flowers, and Children,

On top of a mound of cash and jewellery (had Davy robbed the coffers of everyone on the SS Watford after we were abandoned there?), I’m elated to find the old stereoscope that Davy amused us with, so long ago. And under it, an entire bag full of view cards. I frown. This is far more cards than I remember viewing, in that long ago time. Then I remember Davy sifting out several of the cards, and stowing them away. 

I’m immediately intrigued. I’m older now, not a child anymore, and I’m extremely curious to know what Davy considered to be “sinful shite,” not fit for my young eyes. 

From Cupid’s Shield:

I ate until my pants were too tight, and, for the first time I can remember, I didn’t even think I could manage a sour cherry scone. So I decided to skip Tea and go up to our room to sleep off my overindulgence.

Which is why I’m sprawled out on my back in bed, when our door is flung open so hard that the crash of it hitting the wall shakes the room. 

I sit up on my elbows and blink at the figure in the doorway. 

It’s Baz. Baz. And a glowing golden arrow is embedded in his back.

From my COBB project:

Simon, as team lead, doesn’t have one specific thing to do. Instead he’s buzzing anxiously around, inspecting everyone’s work and generally making a nuisance of himself, as he always does. Baz is about ready to pull his hair out if Simon asks him one more time “How’s the progress?” Or he might pull Simon’s hair out, and I wouldn’t blame him. 

Tags and cheers to: @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @bazzybelle, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed,

@frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @melodysmash,

@moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @raenestee,

@tea-brigade, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @messofthejess, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz,

@krisrix, @shemakesmeforget, @confused-bi-queer, @facewithoutheart, @nightimedreamersghost, 

@thewholelemon, @angelsfalling16, @noblecorgi, @hushed-chorus, @whatevertheweather,

@ivelovedhimthroughworse, @mooncello, @wellbelesbian, @ic3-que3n, @shrekgogurt,

@cosmicalart,  @cutestkilla, @best--dress, @theearlgreymage

[facewithoutheart]

Today in fics I’m never going to write but keep thinking about: Baz getting hit with amnesia shortly before the events of WS and being told he’s dating some guy with wings and a tail who never gets off the sofa. And he’s like, “Yeah I don’t see it,” which is kind of heartbreaking but also kind of a giant release of pressure for Simon because, “Oh he doesn’t know what I’ve lost,” and they become tentative friends. Baz of course loves Penny and they nerd out trying to figure out what’s caused Baz’s amnesia. There’s no real incentive for Baz to get his memories back except, “They’re my memories, Simon. Don’t you think I’m owed them?” To which Simon just smiles sadly and misses the way Baz used to call him Snow. But it’s fine! Honestly! Simon keeps downplaying what they had. Telling little stories like, “Oh that’s the time you spelled my laptop shut nbd,” and, “Yeah I got locked out in the cold all night but the stars were really pretty,” and Baz is like… and you dated me??? But there’s also moments where Simon explains he broke Baz’s nose and tried to out him as a vampire, and Baz just doesn’t get it, them, at all.

Except… okay so maybe it hasn’t escaped Baz’s notice how attractive Simon is. And there are moments when he gets off the couch that he’s shockingly funny, and sweet. He sometimes slips into quiet but Baz has started to piece together what’s happened and maybe that makes sense. It’s not like he has anything to say, either. “What would I have to offer in conversation, Simon? I barely even know my own name.” And they sit together on the sofa and watch television. It’s… something.

Insert a bit of Baz spiral with Baz wondering, “is this what made me fall? Is this?” As he keeps looking for the spark, the reason, the moment he fell for Simon Snow.

I’m not sure what the conflict is here. Maybe Baz overhears Dr. Wellbelove talking to Simon about the Mage? Maybe there’s a Fiona intervention? A Malcolm one? But at some point there’s some big argument where Baz confronts Simon and they’re screaming at each other and then Baz bursts into laughter. And Simon’s like wtf Baz but Baz can’t stop laughing because of course this is it. Of course this is when he falls for Simon. When they’re screaming at each other.

But it’s not that, is it? It’s every time Simon smiled, and every time something on the television made him laugh and Simon’s first reaction is to look at Baz. And it’s how he teases Penny and hasn’t pressured Baz to get his memories back. Just accepts him as he is. Helps him hunt. Maybe yells at Fiona to back off when Baz doesn’t get his memories back fast enough. It’s how Simon Snow is alive, alive, alive, he’s full of life and that’s when it all comes rushing back. All of his memories falling like rain all over Baz; not a flood but a cleansing. It’s not overwhelming to love Simon it’s never been and having this outside perspective on who Simon is and what he’s been through independent of Baz’s issues has reminded Baz of what he’s fighting for.

Baz finally stops laughing. He walks over to Simon, presses both hands to his cheeks, says, “Snow,” then kisses him. And of course Baz hasn’t called Simon “Snow” this whole time so Simon knows Baz’s memories are back.

Ok and insert more angst: Simon immediately pushes Baz off and walks out their door. Because it’s been easy letting Baz in hasn’t it? He didn’t know what Simon lost. Who he used to be. He finally understood, didn’t he? The arsehole… ever since Baz lost his memories he knew better. He knew what Simon had always known: that Simon is nothing. Not the Chosen One, not even a mage. God not even Normal. Just a chewed up bit of empty space with wings and a tail. A freak. Wasn’t it nice, getting to know Baz without any of that history? Without any of the pressure? I mean sure sometimes Simon wanted to pounce on him and snog him senseless or hold his hand when the movie they were watching got scary. And Baz kept doing things for Simon like getting him the brand of cider he likes best and making sandwiches for him when he forgot to eat. And spending time with him without huffing about how Simon was wasting his life and not looking at Simon like he could see who used to be there: someone. Someone who mattered. And that’s what it’s gonna be now, right? More pointed looks and disappointed smiles and knowing, always knowing and never saying that Baz is too good for him.

Didn’t he know Simon Snow was meant to be alone?

Oooh okay maybe Simon just like, rage runs back to the flat and slams open the door and is like, “How dare you?” But he’s not even sure what he’s saying. He’s not even sure what he’s thinking. All he knows is that he wants Baz, any version of Baz, even the one who thinks he’s wasting his life because of course he’s missed that. He liked sitting next to Baz and watching shows and not feeling any pressure but god the way he felt when Baz was screaming at him. Simon’s got wings but he never feels like he can fly without Baz, next to him. Pushing him.

Because if Simon is alive alive alive it’s only because Baz makes him want to be. Baz has always been Simon’s reason, even when things were…

And then Simon’s kissing Baz, and Baz is kissing back, and maybe Simon can keep this. Maybe he can choose this.

Maybe he can try.

[moefling]

Thoughts after reading Carry On. I will be rereading Wayward Son next (and AWTWB after). I'm making this list after finishing the book so some of these thoughts were in my head the entire reread and some are from annotations on my Kindle was I went. (Also this is my second read the first time I read it on audiobook)

I forgot that Simon was defiantly a troublemaker and pretty ruff and tumble even before he found out about The World of Mages

F*CK THE MAGE, but also he does have a good point about allowing other creatures and low power mages into Watford

Miss Possibelf is "not exactly human" (page 95)

Lucy was defiantly in an abusive relationship and she was still defending Davy after death. i also don't really think Davy loved her :/ at least not like she wanted

i don't think that Simon every really thought he had a future. like he kinda figured between the Humdrum and the old families we wouldn't live to have a future and before the World of Mages he was a kid in care who was always getting into trouble

its pretty sad that the Kids where very aware they were gonna have to fight to the death and they really didn't want it and none of the Adults were willing to comment on it (i think Matali makes a quick comment later in ATWB)

Simons wand didn't not work because it wasn't blood related to him

Fiona had a normal job lined up before Natasha died (pg 173)

i have a half baked idea that the reason Simon can share his magic with Baz is because he is a Vampire, like the Humdrum can "give" magic to creatures so Simon can too

i was figuring out the age gap between the two adult groups (Lucy vs Ebb) and had it narrowed down to basically the same age when Martin straight up said he was a few years older than them...

Lucy was in the cottage with Davy for around 2 years ish before she got pregnant

"It was just flirting, it's not like I tried to feed her to a chimera." (page 277)

Baz sucks his fangs when he's thinking (page 330)

"I can't believe you're asking me this, Snow. You, who can't walk away from half a sandwich." (page 429)

"I can't believe there's a part of your body that grows when you need it." (page 391) i'm pretty sure this was supposed to sound spicy but i laughed either way

when Baz tells Simon to run after the Humdrum comes to the Pitch estate i think i cried, reading it the second time i know Baz isn't really blaming Simon but i remember the first time i read it i though Baz really though Simon did it

"Maybe it's not a spell, Maybe he transformed" (pg 426) i think that this is saying more than we give it credit for - another half baked idea that Simon is like half imp/ demon/ elemental (i think we all like the dragon idea but i'm realizing CO really wonders about the tail and how it isn't a dragon tail)

when Simon kills the mage previously i though it was because the mage couldn't stop physically hurting Simon but i think it probably had more to do with the emotional damage (i'm sure some of it was physical but...)

when reading fanfic i also realized that CO doesn't actually say Lucy's brothers name (Jamie) or most of Baz's siblings names

[valeffelees]

13) I mean, I mostly want Carry On hot takes, but I'm open to all fandoms! 26) WITHOUT SUN All of your posts on it have been so freaking good! I struggle to imagine anything giving you pause!! 36) I NEED NEED NEED to know more about Simon Snow is not a Vegetarian! The chat fic. The artists in love. I need to know where it goes! 41) We're minor character stans in this house. Okay! Enough questions. Thank you ^__^

13. Who is your least favourite character to write for?

ok, the wording of this question is tricky for me. because i don't dislike writing for any of the characters, but my least favourite is actually Penny. AND NO, LISTEN, i can hear you fucking white lady math meme reacting through the wall right now, Lia. i love writing about Penny. but i love writing about her from SIMON'S perspective. i don't know how to get into Penny's head at all, i wouldn't even know where to start.

26) Which part of [Without Sun] was the hardest to write?

i had trouble with a few diff scenes in this fanfic, ngl. i knew some of them would give me hell as i was plotting them, but one that caught me off guard with how difficult it was for me is that scene in the Magic Words classroom with Miss Possibelf and Madam Bellamy. by the time you'd read it i'd trimmed a lot of my orig draft out. in the first version of that scene, Simon was actually meant to go into Magic Words and sit in on the end of the lesson, but i didn't like how silly it made the scene feel. i had a hard time figuring out where to end that scene, too, because there is obviously a LOT for Simon to process by the end, but so much of it is able to be done comfortably off-page that i didn't know where to draw the line.

i didn't think i'd have so much trouble with the Mage's first scene either, but motherfucker kept getting all Snidley fucking Whiplash villain-esque on me while i was writing it, and you know how i feel about that, LOL. Baz's main scene in that fic was hard, too, but in a different way than the other two; it is such an extremely emotionally charged scene, and it's so important to the story, i just had a really hard time with the pacing of it and figuring out how to make it give the impact i wanted. i'm still fussing around with it.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

i can't fuCKING BELIEVE you just asked me for Simon Snow is Not a Vegetarian SPOILERS, i'm going to fucking bite you. i don't even know if there's anything about this fanfic that you don't already know, like. i kill one of Baz's pet rats and he cries-cries over it? Malcolm and Daphne are getting a divorce?? Baz Pitch has a dick, AND knows how to use it???

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

we both already know the answer is Niall but i am fucking delighted you asked because i will take any and every chance i can get to talk about him. i'm so weird about Dev and Niall, as you are very well aware. i've written about and drawn them so many times, i think about them almost as much as i think about Simon and Baz, which is just so fucking funny when you really think about it. they've just turned into such extremely distinct characters in my head, i've given them the full RK900 treatment. i'm attached to all the little things i've thought up about them, y'kno? like, my headcanon for the reason Niall spells his eyes blue is because he has a twin sister named Signe and, as children, the two of them were always being mistaken for one another, to the point that they started to resent each other. and even though it hasn't happened in years, Niall is still deeply insecure about looking too much like her. but, he doesn't like the idea of colouring his hair or straightening his curls, because Niall is really close to his mother and he shares those things with her, too, so instead: he spells his eyes blue. i always write him as the oldest of all the characters, too, because another headcanon: he and Signe started Watford a year late, so he's 12 turning 13 in first year instead of 11 turning 12 like everyone else. but it all works out for the best 'cause if he hadn't started the year he did, he wouldn't have been Dev's roommate, and if he wasn't Dev's roommate he wouldn't be friends with Baz, and i am going to stop right there because if i start talking about my headcanons for Niall's friendship with Baz we'll be here all fucking night. but yeah, i really, really like writing Niall and Dev.

click here to see the list of questions!

[wellbelesbian]

forabeatofadrum here! and I am very 👀 about "death do us part". I literally said: "death DO us part?? it DOES???"

til death do us part is the fic i adopted from @martsonmars in the wip adoption fest. i kind of stalled on it but am trying to get back into it, i have it all planned out, it’s just writing hard.

the fic is actually titled “til death do us part” but in my drafts i missed out the til, i’m not really sure why.

basically, Simon accidentally casts an engagement spell on Baz, and now is magically compelled to woo him. of course they both want to find a way to break the spell, but as time goes on with no solution in sight, Simon begins to realise he quite likes being romantic to Baz.

and there mayyy be a death, as the name implies, but i don’t want to spoil too much hehe. though i will say, it’s not meant to be an angsty fic! all will be well in the end!

[bazzybelle]

Unsung Heroes

I love this idea @mostlymaudlin, thank you so much for tagging me! I tried to focus on fics that had less than 200 kudos, with the exception of one that I'm including as a BONUS (and I'll explain why when the time comes).

A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats, and the One Time He Doesn't: By @palimpsessed

Summary: After the war with Napoleon, all Simon wants is peace and quiet in the country with his friend Penny, but night terrors and panic attacks weren't the only surprises awaiting him back home. Dowager Lady Salisbury saw news of Simon's exploits abroad and arrived on his doorstep with the shocking revelation that he was her grandson. At his grandmother's insistence, Simon accompanied his newfound family to London, overwrought by excitement at the chance to finally belong, and anxiety from the struggle to fit his new role. Baz is heir to two very wealthy and well-respected families in England, but that hasn't stopped tongues from wagging. Baz has always been more interested in fashion and philosophy than in helping his father run the estate, and he refuses to settle down. Despite his recent sterling showing at Oxford, Baz's father has begun to lose all patience with his recalcitrant son. Matters went from bad to worse when Baz's fiancé threw him over only days after their engagement became public, rekindling rumours the family hoped to quash. Against his father's wishes, Baz has trooped off to London for another season with his friends, but the looming death knell of his good name has soured his last act of rebellion.

I love this fic for so many reasons, including that it was a COTTA fic, and that I love anything that Pal writes. But also the fact that it was SO CLEVERLY written! It's told through a series of letters either by Simon or by Baz, and the last chapter is just... SIIIIIIGH. I don't want to spoil too much because it is SO worth the read. :D

Just like Everybody Else Does: By DefinitelyYou (not on tumblr as far as I know)

Summary: It’s not the most embarrassing situation I’ve ever found myself in, but it’s still well embarrassing. Might even be in my top five, up there with the time I spelled my shirt and trousers off in Ms. Possibelf’s class, leaving me only in my pants, socks, and trainers. I’m not nearly as starkers this time around, but I still feel naked, emotionally speaking. I’m standing in the middle of the clearing in the Wavering Wood on a makeshift dance floor surrounded by magicked fairy lights while possibly the most depressing song I’ve ever heard rings through the clearing. I’ve been deserted by both my girlfriend and my nemesis, and everyone is watching my next move.

This author is BRILLIANT! And I know most people are more familiar with their other fic, How Shall I Love Thee When You are Gone? (With good reason, that fic is amazing). However, I found that this fic doesn't get nearly as much love as it should. I remember clicking on it because I love that song, and then being completely struck down with the angst and pining. Highly, highly recommend this fic.

The Window of Opportunity Series: By basiltonjeans (not on tumblr as far as I know)

Summary: Simon Snow meets Baz Pitch when he's eight years old, and they become the best of friends. With every year that passes, their friendship becomes more and more complicated. When Simon is eleven, he loses Baz, and is forced to pick up the pieces and move on. When Simon is old enough to truly get a grasp on the situation, he realises it's been love all along. He just hopes it's not too late. or; every year, something in Simon's life has changed. One thing always remains consistent: Baz.

This SERIES! You guys! This is one of my absolute all time favourite series. I read it a few years ago, when I just joined the fandom, and I remember when they posted the final two fics. I know, it's technically cheating because it isn't one fic, but 4, but I am telling you, these fics are wonderful. It has childhood friends to enemies to missed opportunities, to reconnection... Just a bucketful of warmth.

BONUS ROUND

Black Sheep: By @f-ing-ruthless-baz

Summary: “What’s her name?” “Whomst?” He’s been drinking. Of course. “The girl who suddenly started appearing in your Instagram posts a few weeks ago,” I say. I don’t want to fight him on this tonight. (This morning, I guess.) “I assume she will no longer be appearing in them?” “Oof. Niall. You’re so clever,” he says. “You should have been top of the class at Watford, instead of that twat. ”I snort a laugh, despite myself. “That twat was your best friend.” Dev makes a noise akin to pffffpfhhhthtttthh! “He was my cousin. You were my best friend, you dick.” “Stop, you’re making me blush.” “Anyway,” he says after an extra long beat, “her name’s not important.” It's been over a year since Dev and Niall left Watford--and Dev left England altogether. Since he left Niall behind.

So I know I said I would stick to fics under 200 kudos, and this fic beats that amount (also I thought I had bookmarked this fic, turns out I DIDN'T), but THIS FIC NEEDS MORE LOVE! Naturally I love everything that FIRB writes (and they know this), but this fic opened up the world of DeNiall for me. I never really saw them together until I read this fic. FIRB is so good with words and writing complex emotions.

Including those I've tagged above, I'm also tagging @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @fight-surrender, @amywaterwings, @ninemagicks, @martsonmars, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @captain-aralias and @wellbelesbian

[mostlymaudlin]

The one where Simon and agatha DO get stuck in a timeloop at starbucks 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Genuinely can’t believe I forgot about this fic when it used to live rent fucking free in my head. GOD. Ire, I know you are familiar with the fuckery going on in this fic. But for those unaquainted, I’m going to go off abt it, because I’m probably never going to finish it but I want to unleash a version of it on the world.

Last summer, I wrote a sweet lil fem!snowbaz uni meet ugly au. in it, there’s this line of flirty small talk about Baz’s full name:

“Damn, that bad?” Simon asks, but she’s smiling. “Agatha did say you were posh.”

“Did you two get stuck in a time loop in that Starbucks?” I ask, shaking my head. “How did you manage to discuss so much in the ten minutes you were gone?”

so that fic existed. and then I was like: what if there WAS a time loop? but not like baz thinks? and so came the idea for this batshit fic, set in watford (7th year? Maybe?), in which:

1. Simon and Agatha (canon versions) get stuck in a time loop during one of simons missions. They get out with pennys help, but Agatha breaks up with Simon. The end of this situation is the start of the fic.

2. The spell they used to break the time loop actually just shifted the loop to a different dimension — one in which fem!Simon is ordering a drink from Agatha at Starbucks in an attempt to woo agatha’s best friend (baz) who she just dumped coffee on lol. There is no magic in this universe, they are very confused 😂

3. Canon!simon starts having dreams about the fem dimension loops. He goes to penny like — we have to do something.

4. The “doing something” results in more shenanigans. Including accidentally body swapping simon and baz between dimensions. And between each other, at various points? Agatha also gets swapped around a bit, much to her chagrin. Shepard appears briefly in the fem dimension.

Anyway. It’s very convoluted and very fun. There’s complex arcs for both snowbazs and for Agatha. and I thought through the mechanics SO MUCH and then abandoned it, which is sad but that’s life.

This fic also includes a scene I really enjoy — I think I shared part of it back in the day for wip posts but I’m gonna share it again below the cut. It takes place late in the fic, when canon snowbaz are in fem snowbaz’s bodies in fem simon’s flat with canon Agatha (in the fem universe Agatha’s body. Lol). they’re resting while waiting for when the loop resets in a few hours so that they can enact their New Plan. But really this is about being confused and pining :) Simon POV.

I couldn’t be in that room anymore. I don’t know how to be around Agatha right now. It’s been easy to avoid thinking about it since we broke up, but that’s because I haven’t really seen her. And there’s been a lot going on.

I should probably have missed her, though, right? I should have been thinking about how I’d fix it when this is all done. But now I’m wondering if I even want to fix it. What does that mean if I don’t? That’s the only thing I’ve ever been sure of: After it’s all over, if I get to have a life, I’ll have one with the Wellbeloves. I don’t know how else to view my future if not with that context. I don’t know who I am outside of the mission anymore.

I hear Agatha and Baz’s muted voices through the wall, and I feel jealousy spring up in my chest. I let myself sit in it, let myself be miserable. It’s not even a thing, is it? Baz is gay. I huff, rolling over in the bed. I’m in the middle of the queen size mattress, taking advantage of the space. Girl me lives a life of luxury.

Baz is gay, and the girl in this body is attracted to him. Well, to her. It’s all quite confusing. But it makes me feel a little left out. It makes me feel like I’m not getting something. I’m obsessed with Baz. Everyone says so. Is that gay of me? I know Baz is fit. It’s why I’ve always been worried about his flirting with Agatha. Is that why I can recall a mental list of all the things that make him attractive? Shiny hair. Footballer thighs. Sharp cheekbones. Long, lush eyelashes framing those grey eyes, a color I’ve never seen on anyone else. Is that jealousy? Or is that something else?

The door to the bedroom creaks open, letting in a stream of light. I close my eyes.

“Snow? Are you awake?”

Baz’s voice is higher in this body, and a little raspier in that scratchy, sexy way. It’s a nice voice. Still, I find myself missing the low syrupy tone of his true voice. I crack an eye open. He’s closed the door, but I can make out his silhouette in the blue moonlight coming through the window. Tall. Slim. Just a suggestion of curves amongst the sharp edges. I can’t stop comparing this body and his. I can’t stop missing the body I know better, the body I’ve spent years knocking my fists against.

I sit up a bit, moving over to the left side of the bed and lifting up the covers. Baz gets in the bed, lying stiffly on his back. I throw the cover over him and lie back down. I know he gets cold.

We’re lying here, not touching, not talking. I can feel my heart beating in my throat. I wonder if he can hear it. Maybe not. He’s not a vampire right now. I can feel the warmth coming off his body. His skin is always so cool when we fight. I wonder if it would still be cool if I reached over and touched him.

It feels like we’re about to fight right now. The air is thick with the wind-up of it. My fists are already clenched. But Baz just keeps breathing, keeps lying there next to me. I want to shake out the tension in my body, but I don’t want to disturb him. Or I do want to disturb him. I want to roll on top of him and try to rip his hair out of his scalp. Or something.

I don’t. I lie here. Time passes, the air stays the same. What if I did touch him? What if I pretended to be asleep and rolled into him, just to put my hand on his stomach like I used to with Agatha. I know he’s not asleep. I know what it sounds like when his breath evens out. He probably knows I’m not sleeping either. Unless he’s not as obsessed with me as I am with him. But he is, right? That’s why the other version of us gets together. We fit, don’t we? Despite it all?

Do Simons and Bazs find each other in other dimensions too? Are we always meant to come together? To fight each other? Or maybe not. Maybe that’s never been our destiny.

Could I roll over and touch him without it being a ruse? Am I allowed this? What are we to each other, after all this is done? Not enemies, I don’t think. It doesn’t feel like that anymore. It felt okay to touch him in Watford. It felt okay to be touched by him. I don’t know what any of this looks like anymore. Agatha said she didn’t want to be my happy ending. She wanted to be someone’s right now. What does that mean? What are you allowed in the right now? Can I even have a right now, when I might not have a future? Am I allowed?

I don’t touch Baz. I lie here in the dark, listening to him breathe, knowing he’s awake. I stew in the potential energy of it all.

I wish he would reach over and touch me. I wonder if he could ever want to.

[theotherhufflepuff]

To Be Young And Stupid

Carry On Countdown day 3 - Youth

~1.5K

All my stories for this year's countdown take place in the same universe/timeline. You can find my other fics by following the tag Casey writes.

This fic takes place eight years after my Hearth remix, which you can read here. Natasha is in trouble at school and Simon and Baz reminisce about their own misspent youth.

Yes, I did swap the names Natasha uses for Simon and Baz; they felt like a better fit this way.

content warnings: homophobia including use of a slur and there is some swearing

To Be Young And Stupid

Baz

We drive all the way home from Watford in silence. Natasha is sulking in the back seat; she’s wearing her hair in French braids and she’s spelled it bright pink – Bunce taught her that. It does suit her, but now doesn’t seem like the appropriate time to say so.

Simon is sitting in the passenger seat, fuming. If he still had magic it would be coming off him in waves.

On our way up to Watford Simon was worried; he was concerned that this out of character behaviour was some sort of cry for attention, that we’d missed some huge sign over the summer that something was wrong. I told him that Natasha knows she can talk to us about anything, and she has her Grandma Ruth and Aunt Mordelia besides. It didn’t stop him worrying.

Professor Bunce called me at work to tell me that Natasha had been in a fight with another student and she thought it would be best if we took her home for the weekend. At first I thought that seemed like a bit of an overreaction, but when we got to the school and the headmistress explained why Natasha had started a fight with a student two years older than her, it made sense.

Now that he’s heard the whole story, he’s just angry. I’m not completely sure whether he’s angry at Natasha or the situation in general, but he’s got a face like thunder.

Natasha’s attitude hasn’t helped Simon’s mood. She admitted to starting the fight immediately and she’s not at all sorry about it. She may not have any Pitch blood but she really picked up the stubborn arrogant streak that seems to run down the family line. She probably learned that from Fiona. That’s where I learned it.

When we get home Natasha heads straight for her bedroom. Simon’s not having it. “Natasha, come here. We are going to talk about this.” It’s not like him to get angry with her; but it’s not like Natasha to start fights, either. I guess these are exceptional circumstances all round.

“I am not going to apologise to Nell McDonald, Dad.” Her face is tear stained but resolute. “She deserved it. You’d have hit her, too, if you’d heard the things she was saying.” She folds her arms and looks Simon in the face, jaw pushed forwards in defiance. She looks so much like him in that moment that I want to forgive her for everything. I almost have anyway. She has a point though; Simon certainly took a swing at me for less when we were at Watford.

“Natasha,” Simon starts, it’s practically a growl; he’s starting to lose his temper. I open my mouth to intervene but he cuts across me. “I have heard the things she was saying. I’ve been hearing it for twenty years. Nell McDonald has only learned those things from her parents; it’s not new. You know there are plenty of mages out there who think I was a fraud,” He runs a hand through his hair; it’s still grimy with soot from the smithy. “You also know that violence is not an acceptable response!” He’s starting to shout now.

Natasha starts shouting, too. “Yeah, well, I tried to tell her to shut her face but she called me a freak because of my hair and I was going to walk away, Dad, I really was. I don’t care what she says about me. But then she called you-” she stops suddenly, pressing her lips together and looking anywhere other than at either of us.

“Natasha?” I ask quietly. This is new information and I don’t think she intended to tell us whatever comes next.

Natasha takes a breath. “She called you a fag. She said both of you were disgusting and you shouldn’t have been allowed to have me.” She’s speaking quietly and mostly to the carpet.

Shit. Simon tilts his face up to the ceiling, both hands in his hair. “For fuck’s sake,” he breathes.

“Right,” I say into the tense silence that fills the room. “kitchen. Let’s sit down and talk about this.” They follow me into the kitchen and sit at the table. I use magic to make the tea, boiling the kettle feels too long right now.

“Natasha,” Simon is saying as I put the mugs on the table, “why didn’t you say something to Professor Bunce?” He turns to me, “I’m going to call her.” He starts to get up.

“You really shouldn’t have hit her, though. It doesn’t solve anything.” I don’t have time right now to muse on how parenting makes you a hypocrite. Simon’s tone is at least gentler now.

“No, Simon. We will call Mitali later.” I spoon sugar into my tea and sit down. “Tasha, sweetheart, you should have said something.” Natasha doesn’t answer; she’s holding her mug and crying quietly. I rub her back, trying to tell her it’s ok.

“Can we talk about this later?” Natasha asks quietly, sniffing.

“Ok. Do you need anything?” She shakes her head and wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her school jumper. She gets up from the table and hugs me and Simon in turn.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” She says to Simon. He squeezes her.

“It’s ok darling,” he whispers back. He is incapable of not giving in to her. I think this afternoon is the longest he’s ever been mad at her all at once.

I hold out her mug. “Thank you Papa.” She sniffs. I smile gently and she takes her tea to her bedroom.

Simon sits down heavily at the kitchen table and blows out a breath. “Jesus Baz, do kids still say things like that?”

“Well, I thought ‘fag’ had died out, at least on this side of the Atlantic. But, like you said, she’s probably learned it from her parents. Why are you so upset about this, Simon?”

He drinks his tea for a moment before he answers. “It just doesn’t go away, does it? It’s been years and I’m doing fine, I’ve put it behind me but now… Now Tash is getting shit about me. When am I going to stop causing trouble for everyone around me, Baz?”

“Simon…”

“Don’t, I just need to sulk about this for a while.” He finishes his tea.

“Are you going to apologise for being so hard on her about it?” I look over the rim of my mug at him. He gets up to fill the kettle again. Apparently this is a two tea problem.

“Maybe I overreacted,” he says, taking my empty mug from the table. “But she can’t just start fights, Baz.”

“She knows that, Simon. When has she ever started a fight before?” I get up to get the milk out of the fridge. “Besides, you can talk,” Simon fills the mugs with water and I pour the milk.

“What?” We sit down at the table again.

I point an accusatory finger at him. “You were always in some sort of fight. Or battle. We,” I wave my finger back and forth between the two of us, “were always brawling at school.”

“Excuse me, you started most of those fights!” he points back at me.

“I did not.” I did.

“You bloody did. You were always looking for a punch-up. Which was really stupid because you are no good in a fight,” his eyes sparkle at me over his tea.

“I can hold my own. I pushed you down the stairs that time,” That was an accident and we both know it.

“You got lucky,” Simon laughs. I do, too.

“If I’d really wanted to hurt you, I could have. I just didn’t really want to.” I reach over and catch his fingers with mine. His hand is extra warm from holding his tea. He grins stupidly at me. “You broke my nose when we were Natasha’s age,” I kick his foot softly under the table, teasing. He’s still wearing his steel toecaps.

“Yeah, I did,” he laughs once. He doesn’t bother to apologise; we’ve had this conversation before, it’s old news now. “We were really stupid when we were young.”

“Natasha’s young and stupid now,” I point out.

“Yeah, I suppose she is. Do you know what’s even more stupid than starting a fight with some idiot you don’t like, though?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at me.

“What’s that?”

“Starting a fight with some idiot you’re in love with.” He grins and leans across the corner of the table to kiss me. I put my hand on the back of his head and enjoy the smell of him, soot and sweat and brown butter. I laugh when he pulls away.

“It worked though; you’re my idiot now,” I catch his left hand again and run my thumb over his wedding ring, scuffed and scratched from eighteen years of wear.

“Yep, you’re stuck with me. That’s what you get for being young and stupid.”

[watfordgrimoire]

Watford Grimoire

Contains spells from Carry On, Wayward Son, Any Way The Wind Blows, "Snow For Christmas", and headcanon spells [headcanon spells marked with *]

Abandon hope, all ye who enter — unknown use

*Absence makes the heart grow fonder — eases feelings of loneliness; only works if both parties cast at the same time (spell for long distance relationships)

*Abracadabra — makes roses bloom at the end of the caster’s magical object 

*Against all the odds — temporarily increases the caster’s luck

A glass and a half — fills a container with milk

A horse of a different colour — turns objects or people a different color

A little bird told me — sends a message using a bird

*All roads lead to Mecca -- points the caster's object towards the city of Mecca

*All roads lead to Rome -- points the caster's object towards the city of Rome

*All's fair in love and war — prevents cheating for a short period of time (only used by teachers and referees)

*All that and a bag of chips -- adds a bag of chips to a meal (only works in areas where "chips" is used instead of "crisps")

*All that glitters is not gold – detects if gold objects are fake (will turn back to their original form if faked)

A magician never reveals his secrets —prevents whoever it is cast on from telling the caster’s secret

*A man can die but once -- used by superstitious mages to ward off vampire attacks

*A match made in heaven -- lights a matchstick (requires a couple in love to cast; the stronger the relationship the longer the match lasts)

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound / I once was lost, but now I am found / Was blind but now I see / Amazing grace — brings objects to the caster (hymn spell)

*And they were roommates — used on a pair of people to see if they have feelings for each other

And we all fall down — knocks caster and surrounding people down to the ground

An Englishman’s word is his bond — oath spell (if the caster breaks their word, their hand cramps up and their voice goes for a few weeks)

*An eye for an eye -- once a mage casts this spell, any harm done to them is also done to the person attacking them

A penny for your thoughts — can be used to pay for items online (works really well for Penelope because of her name)

A penny saved is a penny earned — doubles the amount of money it is cast on

A place for everything, and everything in its place — puts objects away in their correct place

*April Fool’s – causes whomever it is cast on’s next spell to fizzle (only works on April 1st)

April showers — helps wilted flowers bloom

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust — turns objects into ashes

*A rose by any other name would smell as sweet -- removes the smell from skunk spray (invented by Penelope for Shepard) [WS 162]

*As if -- can reflect attack spells (very difficult spell)

*As I live and breathe -- cpr assistance spell

*A sock without a pair is an opportunity to make a new friend -- finds missing socks (attempted spell)

*A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down -- temporarily makes everything taste like sugar for whomever it is cast upon

*As the crow flies — puts objects into straight lines

*A stitch in time saves nine -- fixes small holes in clothing

As you were — return objects to their place

*A watched pot never boils — instantly boils water (if used incorrectly can cause water to completely evaporate)

*Avada Kadavra — shoots a green light out of the caster’s object (rumors circle that it actually, if used incorrectly, can kill, but it has been disproven) 

*A wolf in sheep’s clothing — reveals traitors nearby

Back off — causes beings close to the caster to move away

Back to start — returns objects/people back to their original state (if used incorrectly will turn people back into babies)

*Bad pennies come not sooner — makes the caster more likely to find spare change

*Baptism by fire -- fire attacking spell (can only be used by mages who have been baptized)

*Bazinga! – a spell to temporarily counter pessimism (often used by Simon on Baz, first with magic, now with snogging)

*Bee in your bonnet -- draws in nearby bees

Belt up — makes someone sit down, shut up, and buckles them into a seat

Bend over backwards — forces person it is cast on to lean far backwards

Be our guest — protects the guests from hosts while they are visiting

*Better late than never — speeds cars up

*Better safe than sorry — protection spell (most often used on children not help minimize accidents)

*Beware the ides of March — reveals any traitors from among those you call friends

*Bite the bullet -- bulletproofing spell

*Bless your heart — causes chest pain (only works in the American south; the 'nicer' it is said, the more damage it causes)

*Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary -- creates a 'Bloody Mary' cocktail (if used with ill intentions, the caster is haunted by a malevolent spirit that appears in mirrors and other reflective surfaces)

*Blow this popsicle stand — causes a minor explosion

*Bone dry -- drying spell

*Bon voyage — protects someone while they are traveling

Bread and roses — unknown usage

*Breathe Easy – makes target of spell stop snoring (Magickal sociologists insist the spell has saved countless partnerships)

*Brevity is the soul of wit -- silencing spell (only allows for a few words while the spell is active)

Bugger off — pushes people back

Burn, baby, burn — lights a person on fire

*Bury the hatchet -- when cast on an object, buries it under the nearest dirt

*But me no buts — stops goat or sheep from attacking

Buzz off — pushes people back

*By hook or by crook -- paralysis spell

*Call me by your name – locating spell (only works between lovers)

*Call me maybe — puts the caster's phone number in someone's phone (does not work once the number is blocked)

Candle in the wind — allows the caster higher sexual stamina (if used incorrectly creates a fire that cannot be put out)

*Catch more flies with honey — fly-swatting spell

Cat got your tongue — stops a person from speaking (frowned upon because of a wizard’s reliance on their voice)

Cat nap — puts someone to sleep

Caught on tape — when used on a tape recorder, turns the tape recorder into a magical object that takes away a mage's voice

Clean as a whistle — gets rid of visible dirt

Clear the air — erases the writing cast after see what I mean

Come home to roost — draws nearby birds to the caster

Come out, come out, wherever you are — brings objects or people out into the open

*Correct me if I'm wrong -- auto correction spell

Cover your back — re-adjusts clothing to go over Simon’s wings

Crash and burn — causes a steam of fire to come out of the caster's magical object

Cross your heart and hope to die — forces the person it is used on to keep their promise or they will die

Cushion the blow — softens an object into a bouncy castle-like texture

*Cutting off your nose to spite your face -- temporary nose job spell (difficult spell; can easily cause permanent damage)

*Da wird ja das Huhn in der Pfanne verrückt -- heats up a pan

*Damn Daniel, back at again with the white vans -- temporarily turns shoes into white vans

Death by chocolate — causes a giant chocolate bar to appear (difficult spell that can only be cast once per day)

*Docious-ali-expi-istic-fragil-cali-rupus -- unpacking spell (undoes Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

*Do no harm -- protection spell

*Don't cry over spilt milk -- when cast on a person, makes them stop crying and when cast on milk, cleans up the milk (can easily make the person cry more if it is cast in the wrong circumstances i.e. if they are grieving)

*Don’t have a cow — converts meat into a meatless substitute

*Don't poke the bear -- bear defense spell (if used incorrectly, makes a bear more aggressive)

Don’t worry, be happy — settles person or being it is cast on

Down, boy — makes animals get down from furniture

*Drive me up a wall — pushes the person or object it is cast upon against the nearest wall

Dust up — removes dust

Dutch courage — fills a glass with alcohol

Early to bed and early to rise — healing spell

*Ears are burning — causes minor burns on the ears of whoever it is cast on

Easy come, easy go / Little high, little low / Carry on, carry on — healing spell, revives unconscious or unresponsive person (a singing spell)

Et tu, Brute — if the person the spell is being used on betrayed the caster, they will be stabbed

*Even a worm will turn -- reveals hidden enemies

*Everything under the sun — locating spell (only works if the object is exposed to sunlight)

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings — when the caster rings a bell, wings should appear on whoever it is cast on

*Exit, pursued by a bear -- temporarily conjures a bear that chases away the target of the spell (forbidden spell)

Fair enough — puts enough money for a cab ride on a credit or debit card

*Feeling blue – if someone is sad, temporarily turns their skin blue

*Filled to the brim -- charms and fills gas tanks

*Finders keepers -- located nearby hidden items

Find your way home — makes an object drawn to who it belongs to

Fine tooth comb— _ _ _ _ — searches a book for mentions of the chosen word/words

*Fingers crossed — good luck spell (only works for as long as the caster has their fingers crossed)

*Flash in the pan — heats up a pan on the stove

Flesh and blood — confirms if people share DNA

Float like a butterfly — causes the caster to be able to float into the air

*Fly me to the moon -- causes whatever it is cast on to immediately shoot up into the air (banned at Watford)

*Follow the yellow brick road – creates a path home (used when someone is lost)

*Fortune favors the bold — increases the caster's luck for a few minutes

*For whom the bell tolls — cause a loud ringing noise; the more powerful the mage the louder and deeper the bells ringing

Freeze — stops objects or people

*From your mouth to God's ears -- projects the caster's voice

*Fuck it, we ball -- relieves anxiety related to future events

Fuck off — pushes people back (unpredictable because of the use of a curse word)

Fuck off and die — pushes away and kills the person it is cast on (unpredictable because of the use of a curse word)

Full English — unknown usage

Gentlemen, start your engines — starts car engines without using keys

Get lost — stops someone from following the caster

*Get something off my chest — attacking spell; hurts someone’s torso

Get well soon — healing spell

*Get thee to a nunnery -- creates a route to the nearest convent

Get your goat — goat herding spell

*Glutton for punishment — slightly increases the caster’s appetite

*God willing and the creek don't rise -- prevents flooding

Good as new — healing or fixing spell

*Good medicine tastes better -- improves the taste of bitter-tasting pills and medications

*Green with envy – turns objects or people green

Guts for garters — attacking spell

Hair of the dog — helps with a hangover (if used incorrectly covers the person it is cast on with dog hair)

*Happy as a clam -- cheering up spel

*Haste makes waste — makes whatever it is cast on move in slow motion

Have a break, have a Kit-Kat — breaks rocks (invented by Nicodemus Petty)

Head over heels — knocks down person it is cast on

Hear ye, hear ye — makes the caster’s voice carry far

Heel — forces animals to follow you

Hell hath no fury — sends fire from the caster forward

Helter skelter — causes chaos in the room around caster (childhood tantrum spell)

Here, kitty-kitty — brings out animals in a surrounding area

*Heroes in a half-shell, turtle power! -- summons nearby turtles

*He's all bagel, no cream cheese -- creates a plain bagel

*He who keeps his manners keeps his teeth -- temporarily stops someone from being able to attack the caster

*Hey you guys -- grabs the attention of people nearby

Hey you've got to hide your love away — protection and hiding spell

Hit the floor — knocks down person it is cast on

*Hit the hay — rejuvenates old straw

Hold fast — helps someone calm down

*Home sweet home — protects the caster from danger while staying in an unfamiliar place

Hurry up — speeds objects up

Hush little baby — settles the person or being it is cast on

*I could have dropped my croissant! -- temporarily makes it impossible for the caster to drop their food

*Ignorance is bliss — erases memories from whoever it was cast on (if used incorrectly, can cause severe amnesia)

*If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped -- turns someone into a frog (caster must kiss the frog to undo the spell; very draining spell) [CO 188]

*If a word be worth one shekel, silence is worth two -- temporary silencing spell (forbidden spell)

*If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there would be no work for the tinkers -- fixes cookware (expired spell)

*If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well / It were done quickly -- speeds up electronic appliances (causes the appliances to shut down if cast incorrectly)

*If push comes to shove — protection spell that prevents the person it is cast on from being attacked

*If you like Pina Coladas -- creates a Pina Colada

If you love someone, set them free — frees objects or people that are stuck

*If you prick us, do we not bleed -- creates a pinprick wound

*I know it was you Fredo, you broke my heart -- when cast on someone, it will reveal if they have betrayed you

*I know that you’re toxic — checks to see if food or drink has no poison in it (if it’s good, the caster’s magical object will glow green; if it’s poisoned, the caster’s magical object will glow red)

*I’m all ears — temporarily increases the caster’s ability to hear

*I’m at the end of my rope — used to cut through ropes

*I’m dreaming of a white Christmas — causes a mild snowstorm (if sung, makes the snowstorm stronger)

*I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that bring total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain – calms the caster from feeling fear

*In for a penny, in for a pound — temporarily turns a penny into a pound

*Ingunga y’urulimi inesha injunga z’igitero -- shielding spell

In justice. In courage. In defense of the weak. In the face of the light. Through magic and wisdom and good -- oath to summon sword

*In nature there's no blemish but the mind -- removes acne

*Into smithereens -- breaks objects

*In the blink of an eye — speeds up cars

Into thin air — makes objects disappear

I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it — undoes a previous spell

*I smell like beef -- creates an odour of meat around the caster

Is this a dagger which I see before me — reveals any hidden knives

It is what it is — unknown use (attempted spell creation by Simon) *relieves anxiety related to past events

*I miss your musk -- enhances the scent of what it is cast on

*I pity the fool -- causes whoever it is cast on to be filled with feelings of dread (active 1982 - 2006)

*It's all happening -- attempted spell creation

*It's Greek to me -- translates text to Greek

*It's Morbing Time -- does nothing (rumors went around that it could do all sorts of incredible things as young mages tried to convince their friends to use it; expired July 2022)

*It's not a manpurse, it's called a satchel -- creates a satchel (expired spell)

It’s show time — reveals or finds objects or people

*It was a dark and stormy night — immediately darkens a room; may accidentally cause thunderstorms

*It was so close it could bite me — locating spell (only works in a small radius)

*I’ve never been to oovoo javer — summons an Uber

Ix-nay on _____ — stops a person from speaking about a certain subject (restricted spell; can only be used by members of the Coven)

Jump the gun — speeds up cars

Just a tick — removes ticks

*Just peachy – turns people or objects peach

Keep it secret, keep it safe — protection and hiding spell

Keep it together — helps someone calm down

Keep schtum — silencing spell

*Keep your ears open — clears clogged ears

*Keep your eyes peeled — temporarily increases the caster’s eyesight

K.O. — knocks whomever it is cast on out

Kindly buzz off — pushes people back (the adverb makes the original buzz off spell more effective)

Kindred spirits — contacts friendly spirits from the other side

Kiss it better — healing spell that the caster uses on their mouth and then kisses a wound to heal it (only works for family or people who are very close)

*Knock on wood — grants good luck to the caster

*Labor of love -- eases the pain of childbirth

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home, your house is on fire, and your children are gone — keeps away pests and rodents

*Laced up -- ties shoes [WS 18]

Let bygones be bygones — memory erasing spell

*Let your hair down -- takes hair down from any up-dos it was in (it also relaxes the person it is cast on)

Let it all out — when used on mages, it makes all of their magic come to them at once until it is used up; when used on normals it makes them immune to magic (forbidden spell created by Smith Smith Richards)

*Let slip the dogs of war -- draws in nearby canines

*Let them eat cake — makes someone feel hungry, especially for sweets

Let there be light — illuminates area around caster

Liar, liar, pants on fire — causes a person's pants to start to light on fire

*Lickety split -- cuts objects in two

*Light as a feather -- makes something light and easy to carry

*Light as a feather, stiff as a board — causes the person it is cast on to freeze up and float

*Light at the end of the tunnel -- turns night-lights on in dark rooms

Light of day — causes light to come out of the caster's magic item

*Lightning in a bottle -- creates a bolt of lightning (spell requires two mages working together)

*Like a deer in headlights -- freezing spell (only works when the target is in artificial light)

*Like a duck to water -- draws in nearby waterfowl

Like a glove — makes clothing fit a person perfectly

*Like comparing apples to oranges -- turns apples into oranges (if not done correctly, oranges can turn out red or tasting of apples) [CO 4]

*Like the cat that caught the canary — stops birds from being able to fly for a short period of time (has the opposite affect on birds who cannot fly)

Little pig, little pig — helps the caster break into places

Lost and found — draws nearby lost objects to fly to the caster

*Love you to the moon and back -- if the caster is in love, this spell will fill the room with moonlight

*Lumos — causes the castor's magic object to glow

Make a wish — puts out flames

*Make hay while the sun shines -- hay creating spell (only works in direct sunlight)

Make way — forces objects to get out of the caster’s way

Make way for the king — causes cars to get out the caster’s lane

*Many hands make light work -- temporarily makes objects lighter (must be cast with more than one mage)

Mary had a little lamb / Little lamb, little lamb / Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow / Everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went / Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go / It followed her to school one day / School one day, school one day / It followed her to school one day, which was against the rules — draws goats or lamb animals to the caster

*May the odds be ever in your favor -- increases the caster's luck for a short period of time

*Me when I lie -- prevents whomever it is cast on from being able to tell the truth

*Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me -- makes the person who misses you the most at the moment want to kiss you [submitted by @anonymous-0verseer]

Mum's the word, mum's the word — protection and hiding spell

*My ears are burning — makes the person whom you are thinking about ears burn

*My kingdom for a horse -- summons nearby equine

Naff off — pushes people back

*Neither a borrow nor a lender be -- if someone owes you money, takes any cash/coins they have on them when cast

Nigel, stay! Please — stronger version of the stay spell that Niamh uses

Nonsense — sweeps away practice jokes and flights of fancy

*No rest for the wicked — with good intentions, it puts someone to sleep with good dreams; with bad intentions it gives someone temporary insomnia and nightmares [submitted by utter-queer-nightmare]

*Nose to the grindstone — attacking spell; removes skin from the person whom it is cast upon's face

*Not all who wander are lost — locating spell

*Nothing will come of nothing -- cleaning spell

*Not my circus, not my monkeys -- repelling spell (only works on primates and clowns)

No trespassing — removes objects from where they are not supposed to be

*Not throwing away my shot — aiming spell

Now you see it, now you don't — hides the caster from view

Off with your head — chops a person's head off

Olly olly oxen free — find hidden objects or people

*Once in a blue moon -- fills a room with blue-tinted moonlight (can only be cast during a blue moon -- either the second full moon in one month or the third full moon during a season when are four)

On love’s light wings — raises caster into the air (only works if caster is in love)

*On the house -- turns water into whisky (one of ten spells that can do this) [CO 470]

*On the ropes -- creates rope bridges across holes and chasms

Open Sesame — opens doors

*Orange is the new black – turns orange objects black

*Out of sight out of mind — cleaning spell (if used too often can cause forgetfulness)

*Out of the blue – turns people or objects blue

*Out of this world -- vanishing spell

*Out of the frying pan, into the fire -- ignites a hob or stove top

Out, out damned spot — removes stains

*Over a barrel — traps someone in a barrel 

*Over my dead body — oath spell that will kill the caster if they break it

Paper beats rock — lets the caster or chosen person to knock out numpties with paper (invented by Nicodemus Petty)

Part the seas — creates a passage within a body of water (the larger the body of water, the harder the spell)

*Pedal to the metal -- allows vehicles to drive faster than their limit (often damages the vehicles)

Penny for your thoughts — creates money for credit cards (works better for Penny because of her name)

*Pick yourself up by your bootstraps -- causes whomever it is cast on pants to fall down

*Playing with fire — creates fire

*Pressed for space -- makes a container or bag larger on the inside than the outside (tricky spell; can easily destroy the item)

Primrose path — unknown usage

*Pull the trigger — creates a gunshot sound (only permitted to be used at the starts of races)

Push off — pushes people back

*Push the envelope — mails a letter

*Put a cork in it -- re-corks bottles

*Put a sock in it -- temporary silencing spell (forbidden spell)

Put it out of your head — memory erasing spell (dangerous to use because of the potential effects on the person's brain)

*Put your ear to the ground -- allows the caster to sense vibrations in the earth

*Rawr means I love you in dinosaur -- causes whomever it is cast on to roar the next time they say "I love you" (expired spell)

Ready, set, go — gets the caster seated at a restaurant right away

*Red at night, sailor's delight; red in the morning, sailor's warning -- spell to aid sailors in predicting sailing conditions

*Red in tooth and claw -- dyes objects red

Resistance is futile — prevents the person it is cast on from fighting back against caster

*Righty tighty lefty loosey — depending on the emphasis of the spell, it can either screw or unscrew screws, nails, bolts etc

*Ring around the rosie / pocket full of posies / ashes, ashes / we all fall down -- cures the bubonic plague (at the start, many mages, including children, died because the words to save them had not been created yet)

Rise and shine — wakes someone up

Rock-a-bye, baby — puts someone to sleep

*Roll with the punches -- defensive spell that can be used before a fight to make any punches the caster receives less effective

Roses are red — turns objects or people red

Rosie Lee — tea making spell

Run for your life — forces person it is cast on to run until their life is safe

Safe as houses — protection spell (can be used to protect food from getting smashed)

*Saved by the bell -- creates a loud ringing noise

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you — reveals or finds objects or people

*Seeing red – attacks all the red objects in the room

See what I mean — allows the caster to write in the air with their fingertips

Sent to Coventry — moves objects to Coventry

*Shades of grey – turns people or objects grey

*Shake it off — causes shivers (if sung, the shivers become full body shakes)

*Shaken, not stirred -- makes a dry, shaken martini (like other food related spells, it is a difficult spell)

*Shall I compare thee to a summer's day -- heats someone up to the average summer temperature of the area

*She's beauty and she's grace -- eliminates tripping hazards

*Shoot for the moon -- pushes objects away and into the air

Shut up — makes the person it is cast on be quiet

*Silence is golden — silencing spell for rooms (forbidden to use on people, will render them mute for several hours)

*Silver linings – turns people or objects silver

Simon says — allows whatever Simon says next to happen

*Sleep like a log -- spell to aid in falling and staying asleep

*Snowballs chance in hell — melts snow or ice

Sod off — pushes people back a few feet

*So I got that going for me, which is nice -- cheering up spell

Some like it hot — heats objects up (most often used for food or drinks)

*Something wicked this way comes — warns of nearby enemies

SOS — sends out a distress signal

*So you're telling me there's a chance -- some mages claim this spell makes you temporarily luckier

*Spare the rod, spoil the child -- expired spell

Sparks fly — causes sparks to fly from the caster's magical object

*Speak of the devil _ _ _ - summoning spell (can only be sued to summon people)

*Speech is silver, silence is gold -- temporary silencing spell (forbidden spell)

*Spick and span – cleaning spell

*Stand and deliver — forces someone to give up something valuable (e.g. money or information) [Submitted by @nausikaaa]

Stand your ground — spells a person’s feet to the ground

Stay — forces pets to stay in place

Stay cool — calm someone down

Stay put — keeps objects in place (most often used by Watford students to keep their boater hats in place)

Steady on — helps someone calm down

Steel yourself — protection spell before combat

Sticking point — sticks objects, like paper, to a surface

*Sticks and stones — attacking spell that throws nearby sticks and pebbles

*Still waters run deep -- tells the caster how deep a body of water is

*Sting like a bee -- causes bee stings to appear on whomever it is cast upon

Stone cold sober — sobers the person it is cast on

Stone the crows — unknown use

*Straight from the horse's mouth — calms horses

*Strip the gilding from your lilies — strips the colour from objects

*Stuck like glue -- adheres objects together

Suck it up — helps someone calm down

*Sunday best -- cleans and fixes up old clothing

*Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious -- makes bags pack themselves (but they pack everything)

*Surely you can't be serious? I am serious - and don't call me Shirley -- prevents a person from laughing temporarily (does not work if their name is Shirley)

*Sweep it under the rug — cleans up visible dirt on the floor

*Sweet dreams — prevents nightmares

Swords into ploughshares — turns swords into ploughshares

*Take a chill pill -- relaxation spell

*Take arms against a sea of troubles -- pulls in nearby weapons (only works if near a body of salt water)

*Take a shot in the dark -- extinguishes all lights in a room

Take it away — removes objects it is used on

*Take it from the top — resets the effects from other spells

*Take my breath away — knocks the wind out of the person it is cast on

*Tell your boyfriend that if he says he's got beef, that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him -- creates a meatless substitute for beef products

Test the waters — shoots a stream of water from the caster's magical object

That doesn't ring a bell — memory erasing spell

*That’s all she wrote — turns writing that was done using pencil into pen-written work

*That's gonna leave a mark -- increases the power of an attacking spell

*That's what she said — causes everyone in the room to laugh (the louder a person laughs, the more they have watched The Office)

The beat goes on — CPR spell to try and restart unbeating hearts

*The best defense is a good offense -- allows the caster to use a defensive spell as an attack spell

*The devil is in the details — spell-checks the writing it is used on

*The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t — if the person it is cast on is using a spell to disguise themselves, it removes the disguise 

The game is afoot — unknown use (attempted spell creation by Penelope)

The game is on — unknown use (attempted spell creation by Penelope)

*The gloves are off -- removes gloves/mittens

*The golden rule – turns objects to gold (spell is forbidden to prevent fraud)

*The good is oft interred with their bones -- buries objects it is cast on (can also be used as a finding spell when cast with the correct intentions)

*The lady doth protest too much -- reveals if someone is lying

The lady’s not for turning — stops the woman it is used on from betraying the caster (created by Headmaster Bunce when she was in Year 7)

*The idle brain is the devil’s playground — improves ones cognitive abilities and memories for a short period of time (forbidden for students to use on exams)

*The rain clears all tracks -- causes all traces of the caster to vanish from a certain radius (the more powerful the mage the larger the radius)

*There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy -- finding spell

*There's no place like home -- sends the caster back to their home (requires the caster to click their heels together; 7th year spell)

There’s nothing to see here — draws people’s/creature’s attention away from whatever the caster wants (undoes your attention please)

There's safety in numbers — encourages animals to stay in groups

There will be blood — causes the person it is cast upon to start bleeding

These aren't the droids you're looking for — hides the object that it is used upon

These go to eleven — turns music up past speaker’s ability

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth — forces the person it is used on to speak the truth (restricted spell; can only be used by members of the Coven)

*The walls have ears — allows the caster to listen in on conversations from a shared wall

*The whips and scorns of time -- attacking spell

*The whole nine yards -- measures out nine yards (only works in the United States of America, the Republic of Liberia, and the Republic of the Union of Myanmar)

*This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship -- used as a declaration of friendship between young mages

*This thing is nicer than my apartment -- cleaning spell

*This too shall pass -- relieves anxiety related to present events

*Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth -- forces someone to tell the truth (only usable by the Coven)

*Thrill of the chase -- allows the caster to run faster to catch up to someone they are chasing after

Through a glass, darkly — tints windows

*Through hell and high water -- protection spell against flooding

*Through the looking glass -- temporarily turns a mirror into a portal through which the caster can travel

*Throw in the towel -- creates a towel (like other fabric-creation spells, the towels go threadbare quickly)

Tickled pink — turns objects or people pink

Tidy up — cleaning spell

*Time and tide wait for no man -- creates waves in a body of water

Time flies — causes cars to drive faster (only works if the drivers/passengers are having fun)

*Time is money — causes a pile of money to slowly grow over time

*To be or not to be -- acts as a coin flip; caster's object with either glow bright white or become shrouded in shadows

*To sleep, perchance to Dream -- sleeping spell (has a chance to cause the sleeper to have vivid, lucid dreams)

*To the naked eye -- reveals invisible objects

*Trick or treat — there is a 50% chance the spell will create candy and a 50% chance it will create nothing but sparks

True colors — causes the person it is cast on to glow (blue for safe, red for danger, purple for wanting)

*True love’s kiss – healing spell (only works if the caster and castee are in love)

*Truth doesn't burn in sunlight -- if the person it is cast on lies, they will begin to burn when they are in the sun (banned spell)

*Tuning them out -- temporary noise cancellation spell

*Turn a blind eye -- temporary blinding spell

*Twist my arm — twists the arm of the person it is cast on, there is a danger of the person’s arm breaking (attacking spell)

*Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they're not gay -- creates a blast of air to fling someone or something five feet away

*Two may keep counsel, putting one away -- prevents whom it is cast on from being able to speak of a secret (forbidden spell)

*Two shots of vodka -- fills three shot glasses with vodka (forbidden at Watford; like other food and drink spells, it is a very difficult spell that can only be cast once per day)

Tyger, tyger, burning bright — kills both the caster and subject with fire (immolating spell)

U can’t touch this — stops beings from entering unless they know the song (barrier spell)

*Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown -- creates a heavy, golden crown

*Under a spell — checks to see if someone is under the effect of a spell

Under my skin — removes splinters (experimental spell by Dr. Bunce)

*Under the weather -- weather predicting spell (only works if the caster is ill)

*Unhand me -- releases the caster from being bound (expired spell)

*Uno reverse card -- blanket reversal spell

Up, up, and away — makes objects/people it is used on fly (if used incorrectly pulls people’s lungs through their shoulders)

Violets are blue — turns objects or people blue

*Visitors and fish stink after three days -- odor removing spell (only lasts for three days)

*Waste not, want not -- automatically sorts garbage into rubbish and recycling

What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive — if the person it is cast on has told lies, they will be covered in spider webbing

*What light through yonder window breaks -- creates sunlight through the window it is cast on

*We'll get there when we get there -- creates an ETA

*Were you born in a barn -- closes doors

*When you wish upon a star -- while some mages say that this spell has no effect, others claim that if you infuse the words with enough belief, your wish will come true

*Wherefore art thou — when used correctly, forces a person to reveal their intentions; if used incorrectly, it is a weak finding spell (can only be used by members of the Coven)

*White out – erases pen marks from paper

*Who let the dogs out — releases animal from captivity (works best on dogs and other canids)

*Wild horses couldn't keep me away -- summons untamed horses

Winter, spring, summer or fall — _____ — locating spell

*Wishing won't make it so -- a motivation spell to encourage the person it is cast on to act on their desires

Without a trace — when used on a phone, prevents it from being used to track the holder

*Woke up on the wrong side of the bed — cheers up whomever it is cast on

Yeet — shoots a powerful blast out of caster's magical object

*You can say that again — causes whoever it is cast on to repeat the last thing they said

*You can't handle the truth — whoever the spell is cast on cannot speak the truth (short acting spell; the more powerful the mage the longer it lasts)

*You can't sit with us -- makes a chair disappear

*You have witchcraft in your lips -- enhances the next spell cast

*You know what they say -- makes the caster informed of recent rumors (unreliable spell)

Your attention please — causes people or creatures nearby to pay attention to the caster

You’re getting warmer — heats objects up (most often used for food)

*Your focus needs more focus -- aids in the caster's concentration and focus skills

*You sit on a throne of lies -- lie detector spell

[otherpeoplesheartachept-2]

Date Night

chpt 1: Who Knew Goblin Kidnappings Took so Long?

To get into the Halloween spirit I’m writing a Shep/Penny Halloween-ish themed fic! 

You can read the first chapter here on Ao3 (or below the read more cut)

I plan on posting a new chapter every Sunday of October. And I’m trying to do this just for fun and not let myself get paralyzed by details and such so apologies in advance for any grammar errors or inconsistencies with cannon lol

I hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Penelope Bunce/Shepard Love

Lengths: 3389 words

Warnings: awtwb spoilers, non-graphic depictions of violence

-

My head feels like it’s being split down the middle with an axe. It hurts to open my eyes; the world is too bright. When my eyes adjust to the light I take in a room I’ve never seen before. It’s lit by a single overhead light bulb, there are no windows, and the walls are painted this deep green. I’m sat in a metal folding chair in the center of the floor. I move to stand but my arms and legs are tied down. The rest of the room appears empty. I’m facing the only door out but it’s closed (and probably locked).

Fuck.

I run through recent events of my life trying to figure out how I ended up here.

Penny and I have been back in the UK for a few days; she really wanted to come back for October and Simon’s been not-so-subtly hinting that he misses her a lot every time they talk on the phone. It’s been good so far, Baz and Simon have been nice enough to let us crash in their living room because I wasn’t about to let Penny spell a whole month’s worth of hotel expenses (and neither of us have that kind of money). Their couch is a murphy bed so we’ve been pretty comfortable. I was at Simon’s before this, we were hanging out playing Mario Cart. Penny had gone to visit her family and then we were going to meet later tonight at this conservatory for plants from around East Asia for our date.

I was headed out to my Uber to go to the conservatory when someone asked me for a cigarette but before I could answer he-

Oh shit! I’m going to be so late to date night!

A few months into our relationship Penny and I decided that every Sunday would be designated date night. With both of us being busy with things in the Normal world and the Magickal world, it’s easy to put a relationship on the backburner. But we’re committed to not letting that happen. I’d be a damn fool if I let Penelope Bunce fall to the wayside of my life. So we named Sundays as date night, and we haven’t missed a single once since then. Until now. I’ve got to figure out how to get out of here.

I can’t move my arms or legs much but I shift in the chair and I can feel my phone in my back pocket. I then twist to press my jacket’s pocket against the back off the chair. Nothing’s in the pocket, which means whoever put me here (probably the man that asked for a smoke) took my dagger. (Penny insisted I keep a weapon on me after she had to save me from a very violent harmadillo. They’re like armadillos but bigger, and with mouths that can actually bite you. It was terrifying (and so cool). I’m not the biggest fan of carrying a dagger, but it makes her feel better, and just having a dagger doesn’t mean I’m going to actually use it.) (I would like to use it to cut myself out of these ropes though.) At least I have my phone, I can work with that.

It’s been a few minutes since I came to and no one has checked on me, but I think I hear voices on the other side of the door so I try to be quick and quiet.

It takes some uncomfortable squirming, but I manage to get my phone out of my pocket and into my hands that are tied behind my back, over the back of the chair. Now I just have call Penny. Luckily I have her as an emergency contact on the lock screen of my phone so I’ve got to blindly tap until hopefully I press that part of the screen.

It takes me a minute but after some taping I hear the phone faintly ringing. If I weren’t tied down I’d high five myself right now. I randomly press around again until I get the phone on speaker.

“Hello?” Penelope answers.

“Heyyyyy baby, you’re not going to like this, but…” I say, trying not to speak too loud.

“Shepard,” she says with a warning tone.

“Listen I-”

“You are not missing our date, Shepard,” she says so matter-of-fact-ly. As if her simply stating it will make it true.

“I’m not! It’s just uh… I’ve been kidnapped.”

“You can pause your game with Simon. I promise he’ll only cry a little.”

“No, Penny, I’m serious. I was leaving Simon and Baz’s apartment and then there was this guy and I think he knocked me out and-” I stop talking because the noise from the other room gets louder. It sounds like someone is coming down stairs to the door, but then a voice calls them back and I hear them walk back up the stairs.

“And now I’m in a dark creepy room tied to a chair.” I rush to finish.

The line is silent for a moment.

“Stevie Nicks,” Penny finally exhales. “Where are you? Who kidnapped you? What do they want with you?”

“I don’t know! I was knocked out and now I’m all alone, tied to a chair in a room with no windows!” I’m trying not to panic, but saying it all out loud like that makes me a bit panicky.

She hums in acknoledgement. “Okay, well you called me, can you figure out where you are on google maps?”

“No. Hands are stuck behind my back. We’re lucky I even managed to call you.”

Penny thinks for a bit.  

“Don’t worry, I can still make it to you, might take a little longer though,” she says.

“Uh, how?” I ask maybe a bit too skeptically. Lord knows if Penelope Bunce wants to get something done she will get it done.

“I put a tracking spell on you months ago, but you’re usually so good at not getting into life threatening situations without me that I’ve never had a chance to use it.” Penny casually explains.

“You what?” I should probably be mad about that, but I’m mostly intrigued. And a bit flattered, I wonder how much magic it takes to maintain a tracking spell.

“I put one on Simon too. After having to negotiate with traitorous vampires, and almost getting killed saving Agatha I figured life would be a lot easier if I had a quick, surefire way to find anyone important in my life.”

“Aw, I’m important to you?” I smile, teasing her.

I can’t see it but I know Penny is rolling her eyes.

Before I can get the conversation back on track I hear footsteps coming down the stairs to me again.

“I think someone’s coming. Gotta go,” I whisper.

“Try not to die before I get there,” she says before hanging up.

I quickly shove my phone under my ass just as the handle on the door starts to turn. I try to calm myself; Penny is amazing and capable of practically anything. I’m sure her spell will work.

A creature with skin green like an olive steps into the room. He’s kind of short and lean but quite muscular, with plush ruby red lips that cover sharp dangerous looking teeth. He’s got this sexy 80s-hair-metal look going. Must be a goblin. (I’ve never met one but Simon told me they’re dead handsome. He also told me they all really want him dead but didn’t get in to why).

“Hi, I’m Shepard.” I say in a friendly tone. I move to offer a handshake on reflex, but I just pull against my restraints.

The goblin just grunts.

“You’re a goblin, right? What’s your name?” I ask.

“You are going to tell us everything you know about him,” the goblin states.

“Who?” I ask, playing dumb.

“The King Killer.”

Okay maybe I am dumb, I thought we were talking about Simon.

The goblin continues, realizing I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“The Chosen Mage. Mage Prince. Your Prophesied One.” His voice is low and gravely.

Yeah definitely Simon then. (Did he kill their king? Jesus, no wonder the goblins are out to get him).

“Oh. Well I’m not a Speaker, I’m a Normal so I don’t know that I’d be very useful-”

The goblin steps closer, grabs me by the jaw, and slams my mouth shut. It makes me teeth ache.

“Do not feed me lies, Normal,” he says with a menacing grin. The goblin leans in, still griping my jaw. His hand feels smooth yet hard, like polished metal. His breath smells of raw meat, and fogs my glasses a little. This close I can see flecks of green in his lovely pale blue eyes. “We have seen you with the Mage Prince. We caught you leaving his home.”

To punctuate the end of his sentence the goblin pushes me back hard enough to lift my chair’s front legs off the ground for a moment.

His intimidation tactics are working—I’m more than a little scared. (But also a bit thrilled to be intimidated by a goblin.)

“Okay yes, I know him. But I really don’t know much about the prophesy. Or even that he’s a king killer. Simon killed your king?”

“Yes!” the goblin growls exasperated.

“That must have been tough for your whole community,” I try to sympathize. Simon and Penny are great, but they’ve also done a lot of damage to a lot of magickal creatures. “Has it been a hard transition from the old king to your new ruler?”

“There is no new king,” he spits. “That’s why the mage must die—his head for the throne.”

“Sorry, I’m not super familiar with goblin politics. You have to kill Simon to get a new king?” I ask trying to figure out how this works. I have so many questions about goblin politics that I didn’t have a minute ago.

“Whoever kills the mage becomes the king.” He says like it’s so obvious he’s wasting breath explaining it. “Maybe you really are useless,” he says more to himself that me.

“Ah yeah,” I let out a little huff of air, “but I think I get it now. You’re trying to be the next goblin king by killing the ‘King Killer’?”

He looks perplexed by my question.

“I will not be king,” he grumbles, then pauses like he’s considering the possibility. A look of sadness crosses his face, but he shakes his head and it’s gone, replaced with his previous annoyance.

“I’m tired of your stupid questions!” the goblin growls and raises a fist like he’s going to punch me.

“What is taking so bloody long in there!” a voice shouts from behind the door.

It distracts the goblin from punching me, his fist lowers.

“The human, he’s-”

The door opens and two more goblins step into the room. Both also very attractive. They look like they all belong in a rock band together. Is the entire species good looking? Do they all dress like good looking musicians? Surely that’s not possible.

“You haven’t even hurt him yet,” one of the new goblins admonishes, moving to the right of the first goblin. He’s the tallest of the three.

“Well he did threaten me! If that helps,” I let out a little laugh, trying to make things less tense. “Hi, I’m Shepard, and you guys are…?”

“Shut him up,” The tall goblin says, tilting his head towards me and looking at the goblin who hasn’t said anything yet.

The third goblin steps towards me with a menacing look in his eyes. He’s a wall of pure muscle.

“Hey now, I know I’m friends with your enemy but can’t we just talk?” I say, my voice pitching up a little with my growing anxiety. When is Penelope supposed to get here?

The goblin slaps me across the face.

I gasp. Pain blooms across my cheek. He hit with such force I think it popped my neck. Jesus Christ.

“Now,” the tall goblin says to get my attention. He must be the leader of this little gang. (Maybe he’s going to be king if they kill Simon?) “We’ve heard the Mage Prince doesn’t have his blade anymore, but he’s not defenseless. You’re going to tell us what his weaknesses are.”

“Wait, he has a sword,” I correct him. “I mean, it’s not the same one, but a sword’s a sword.” Penny would tell me not to give them any information, but I think letting the goblins know Simon has a sword again works in his favor, not theirs.

“You lie,” the leader says calmly.

The burly one slaps me on my other cheek.

“Fuck,” I wince. My whole face stings. And my glasses have been knocked askew. “I’m not lying!”

“If you don’t give us useful information, Greg won’t be as kind as he’s been so far.” The leader speaks, nodding towards the first goblin I met. (I wonder if all goblins have human names, or maybe they adopt different names to interact with humans. Do goblins have their own languages or do they only speak human languages? I really wish I could have met these guys under better circumstances.)

Greg pulls my dagger out of his back pocket and grins. Even his intimidating grin is kind of sexy—which is weird to realize. He unsheathes the dagger and steps in front of me, replacing the buff goblin. The buff goblin moves behind me and grips my hair. I tense up in response which causes his grip to tighten painfully. The tip of the dagger touches my chin. I do my best not to squirm.

“What are your prophesied mage’s weaknesses? Answer quickly,” the leader demands.

I stutter out a few non-words. I truly don’t know what to tell them; even if I wanted to rat Simon out I don’t have any useful information. It’s not like we discuss combat strategies together.

Greg grows impatient and presses the dagger into my chin harder. Very slowly is breaks the skin. I squeeze my eyes shut from the pain. I feel a drop of blood slid down the length of the blade.

“I’m sorry. Really,” I breath out, “I’m just his friend I don’t know about weaknesses or-or-”

Greg looks back at the leader and he nods. Greg moves the dagger to my neck. The goblin behind me jerks me closer to the weapon. I tense up in anticipation.

There’s a crash at the bottom of the stairs. Everyone’s heads turn towards the open door. Penny stands there, black coat swishing behind her. I think she flew herself down the stairs, like some kind of avenging angel.

The goblins move to attack her but Penny is quicker than them. In a flash her ring hand is held out firmly in front of her.

“Shot through the heart!” Penelope’s voice booms.

Her magic crackles in the air (it smells like sage and honey). Something sparks from her ring and shoots through the three goblins’ chests. They all collapse to the ground. My dagger clangs on the concrete floor when Greg hits the ground.

Penelope stands into the doorway, chest moving up and down with heavy breaths. She’s taken a wide stance, those adorable Mary Janes she wears almost touching opposite ends of the doorframe. She’s in this lovely dark blue shimmery dress, a black coat that reaches her mid-calf. Her wavy hair’s up in a loose bun with little wispies framing her face. Penny looks stunning and heroic. My hero.

“Thank God you’re here!” I breathe, relaxing into the chair. I know I must look incredibly love-struck.

Penny steps into the room, and over the dead leader goblin.

“They say that spell only works if you’re sufficiently angry at your romantic partner,” Penny tells me, but her small smirk gives her away.

I cringe anyway. “I really am sorry about being late to our date. If I’d known goblin kidnappings take this long, I would have left Simon’s sooner.”

Her smile gets wider as she spells me free from the ropes. “You wouldn’t just avoid the goblins?” She asks.

“And miss my chance to meet goblins? C’mon, you know me better than that.”

I rub my wrists; they’re a little irritated from the ropes. Penny offers me a hand up and I take it.

“Damn, it really is too late to go to the garden,” I say after checking my phone. The place closes in half an hour. I don’t even know where we are or how far we are from the conservatory.

“Yeah, but this was fun,” Penny responds, stepping further into my personal space. I wrap my arms around her waist.

“You have to tell me about this fancy tracking spell of yours,” I smile, taking a small step forward.

She takes a small step back. And bumps into Greg’s body.

I scrunch up my nose and wince.

“You didn’t kill them, did you?” I ask, despite being pretty sure of the answer.

“They kidnapped you! And had a knife to your throat!” she argues, instantly defensive. Penny turns away from me and steps over Greg.  

“You’ve done worse to me,” I counter, bending down to retrieve my dagger. I close Greg’s eyelids before catching up with my girlfriend.

“They’re goblins Shepard; they’re not nice and they want us dead.”

I roll my eyes. “We need to have a serious conversation about your murderous tendencies,” I say. She didn’t even try to talk to them. I mean sure, in this case the goblins were threatening me, and probably were about to kill me, but Penelope didn’t know that.

We walk out of the room I was in and up the stairs into what looks like an abandoned kitchen. Must be an old run down house that the goblins moved into. Or maybe they just use it as a kidnapping spot. I would have loved to learn more about how goblins live. Maybe someday I can find some goblins that don’t want Simon Snow dead.

“Without my murderous tendencies, you’d be dead fifteen times by now. Besides, didn’t Simon tell you they have it out for him?” Penny says, moving through the kitchen and the living room and holding the front door open for me.

“Yeah, because apparently he killed their king!” I exclaim, stepping out into the cool night air.

“Are you seriously taking the goblins’ side right now?” Penny closes the front door with a slam.

“Okay okay,” I back off. “I don’t have the full story; I’m not taking anybody’s side,” I pause, then smirk, “yet.”

“What, you going to join the goblin uprising?” Penny giggles.

We step down the front porch steps and start walking down the side walk. I don’t know which way is home so I follow Penelope’s lead. It’s a nice night, chilly but not windy or raining. The sky is clear enough you can see some of the stars.

“Oh you don’t know the half of it. I’m already a secret double agent.”

“Ohhhhh I see.” Penny sarcastically says.

She takes my hand and laces our fingers. She feels a little cold, so I bring our hands to my mouth and kiss her fingers.

“What? You couldn’t tell my by charming smile and irresistible good looks?” I playfully jab her with my elbow.

She snorts. “Sweet Morgana! I was blindsided by your charm and wit-” she dramatically turns away from me and places the back of her hand on her forehead “-were your feelings for me ever real, Shepard Love? If that even is your name-” she clutches the front of her dress “-How many mage secrets have you taken to the enemies?”

“So many, Penelope Bunce. It’s too late for your kind. The World of Mages is coming down in flames and its all because you trusted a handsome stranger.”

I barely make it through the sentence before busting out laughing. Penny joins me and it’s a solid minute before we’re getting our breathing back to normal.

The walk back is a bit long, but we missed our original date, so it’s nice to spend the time together. When we make it back to Simon and Baz’s apartment, they’re both asleep. So we do our best to be quiet getting ready for bed and patching up my split chin.

[thecatandthekindle]

Review: Any Way The Wind Blows (Simon Snow #3) – Rainbow Rowell

You may or may not know that this book series began life as a story within a story. In Fangirl, Cathy Avery is a college freshman struggling with new experiences who copes by writing fanfic for a series of books about a chosen one called Simon Snow. Snow is an orphan attending magic school and fighting attacks from a monster. The idea took off and fans begged Rainbow Rowell to write the full book.

The magical world of Simon Snow is based on a relationship between Normals and Mages. Any phrase that is well-used by Normals (including pop songs, hence the book titles) can be used as a spell if imbued with magic. Mages can use their powers to cheat Normals, by faking payments or paperwork , or maybe stealing a car and there are no repercussions. There are drawbacks, however, if a phrase falls from use it loses its power. It is a clever idea. Mages are dependent on Normals in a way that Normals are never dependent on Mages. Without Normals there is no magic. Simon Snow is the only Normal to date to have magical powers.

You don’t need to read Fangirl to enjoy this series. You can jump right in with the first book, Carry On, which joins Simon and friends in their final year at the Watford School of Magicks. Simon’s roommate and school nemesis (and possibly evil vampire), Baz, has disappeared. Simon should be having a peaceful year at school but Simon never has a peaceful year when attacks from the evil monster called the Insidious Humdrum threaten all magic. Simon must defeat the monster and fulfil his destiny as the ‘chosen one’. He must also find out what happened to Baz, whom he unaccountably misses,

In Wayward son, Simon is struggling with life after fulfilling his destiny. He and his friends go on a road trip round America. On the way they rescue Simon’s ex-girlfriend from a cult and pick up a Normal that knows way too much about magic.

In the final book Any Way The Wind Blows, Simon tries to build a life for himself without either magic or a destiny. Instead he is drawn into the investigation of new ‘chosen one’. Many questions are answered in the final Simon Snow story, including hints about Simon’s birth family. Before the book ends, Simon’s golden quartet all seem to find their place in the world.

I have to say, when I read the first book it felt more of a parody of other famous chosen one stories (mentioning no names). It was fun, but I never really felt I engaged with the characters. The shock ending wasn’t nearly as shocking as it would have been with a seven book build-up. More than anything I was reeled in by Snow’s budding romance. I was keen to see how it would play out and it kept me reading. By book two the characters were much stronger and I began to genuinely care about them.

Through Any Way The Wind Blows the characters are so well developed I truly became emotional about their futures. When the story-line of Simon’s family finally came to fruition, I cried. I cried again when the book ended. I desperately wanted to know these kids had a bright future ahead and I was devastated I wouldn’t be able to witness it. Rainbow Rowell bowed to fan pressure in writing these books in the first place and I am hoping with all my heart that she can be persuaded to continue the Simon Snow chronicles into a much longer series. #OneMoreSimonSnow

Now someone please tell me how to get Kansas and Queen from playing in my head.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[palimpsessed]

✨❄️✨ Carry On Countdown 2020 ✨❄️✨

Day 10: Crossover

@carryon-countdown

No fic chapter today, loves, because instead I give you the next pop culture sensation!

Coming this winter, if you love Queer Eye, good for you! Here’s another show that is absolutely not a complete ripoff!

Critics are raving:

“A gift!” - O. Henry

“Please, please, please, I beg you, whatever you do, do NOT take life advice from these people!” - R. Rowell

All episodes streaming Dec 24, only on Notflix!

Read more for season one highlights!

(Don’t get too excited. These are just the quotes that were my basis for casting the roles. All quotes by Rainbow Rowell, obvs.)

Agatha (grooming):

“She’s got her hair pulled back in a giant frizzy ponytail that would probably be nice and wavy if she’d put any product in it at all. Anything. Hand lotion. Shaving cream.”

“The sun is setting, and it’s making his grey skin look almost warm. I know it’s setting my hair on fire.”

“...she’s got the brightest eyes and rosiest cheeks of anyone I’ve ever met. Maybe it’s the beetroot.”

Baz (fashion):

“Aunt Fiona stomped out in her heavy black Doc Martens boots (clichéd)”

“Simon looks stunning in a grey suit.”

“(Simon Snow in America: jeans and a white T-shirt”

“Bunce tends to look a bit absurd, even at her freshest. She dresses like she’s still in Watford uniform, or wishes she was. Short, tartan skirts. Knee socks. Mary Janes or brogues. The only concession she’s made to civilian life is a series of oversized T-shirts. I wonder if she even realizes she still wears so much purple and green.”

“I buy myself a few more suits. Plus clothes for the drive. A few changes for Simon. I see a dress that would look lovely on Bunce, but they don’t carry her size. I buy it anyway. We can alter it with a spell.”

“Lamb is waiting in the lobby, wearing sunglasses and a three-piece suit. Tiffany blue. Which sounds vulgar, but very much isn’t. He looks trim and fresh.”

“Go ahead and shoot me. This isn’t my favourite shirt.”

Simon (Food and wine):

“I just can’t pass the scones up if they’re there. They’re soft and light and a little bit salty. Sometimes I dream about them.”

“I didn’t care if magic was real at that moment. Because roast beef and Yorkshire pudding are fucking real as rain.”

“I’d eat butter with a spoon if it were acceptable. (I did it anyway, my first year, whenever I was the first one down to breakfast.)”

“A Unicorn Frappuccino. It tastes like strawberry Dip Dab.”

“This menu’s staggering. There’s a whole page of taco salads. They’ve got macaroni and cheese, regular or fried. And every kind of chicken—look, orange chicken.”

“Crowley, this burger is gorgeous. It has hash browns on it.”

“It’s not French stuff. It’s just really sad pastries and bad tea. Oh and you missed Baz eating a squirrel.”

“I’ve found a way around the sandwich problem. Beef jerky! This place sells at least thirty different kinds.”

Penelope (design):

“I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see more of his house—or even dig into the library. I went to the bathroom a few times, but it’s just down the hall, and it seems like a modern addition. (There’s a Japanese toilet in there with comforting music and a seat warmer.)”

“The vibe here is very, Let’s kill a virgin and write a great Led Zeppelin album. (Though the library is lovely, and Baz’s stepmum seems very nice.)”

“I step into their house. I love this house. I stayed in the spare bedroom when I came to see Micah two summers ago. All the rooms are huge, and only the bedrooms and bathrooms (there are four bathrooms) have doors. And everything—all the walls and furniture and the two dozen kitchen cabinets—is in peaceful shades of cream and tan. There are at least three tan leather sofas. There are two beige sitting rooms. There’s wall-to-wall carpeting exactly the shade of porridge. Ugh, it’s so comforting. My house is every colour, none of them planned. And our furniture is whatever colour it was when my father spotted it at a yard sale. Also, our house has stuff everywhere. Micah’s family must have stuff somewhere, but you never see it. The only things on the coffee tables (how many coffee tables are there? easily nine) are cream-coloured vases with cream-coloured flowers and tan, marble lamps.”

“(For a cheap hotel, this shower is massive.)”

Shepard (culture):

“You’re something new. Or maybe something old. I’m hoping you’ll tell me over a hot cup of coffee.”

“My strategy is simple: I tell the truth. I always use my real name (even though fairy tales tell you not to). I always say exactly what I want from a situation and exactly what I mean.”

“Brought you some good news. I liked this [book]. Kind of sad. Good jokes though. This one takes itself too seriously, but I know you’re a sucker for Westerns. I would have brought more, but I didn’t know I was coming. I did get this [radio], though, on the way. Waterproof.”

“Who else will listen? Who else wants to hear their stories? There are trolls who’ve spent the last two hundred years sitting alone under a bridge. If you can get past the bluster and the wooden clubs, if you bring them a little bone broth, they’re just grateful to have a sympathetic ear. If you tell them that you mean no harm, and then you never do any harm … They start to like you. They start to look forward to you coming around.”

“Well, I told you, he doesn’t carry a backpack. He’s got this pouch, and all that’s in it is a comb and a carving knife. I gave him my toothbrush, and he was pleased as punch with it. I need to get back up there, get him another toothbrush.…”

[anntoldst0ries]

Diagnosis

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who read my previous fic and left such kind comments. You can’t imagine how much I appreciate this!

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Vicky Valentine)

Word Count: 2,911

Summary: Dr Ramsey attempts to diagnose the most difficult case in his career...his own.

Warnings: None! A lot of introspection again and hints of angst :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan Ramsey considered himself a brave man.

He always had the courage to say whatever he wanted to say or what had to be said - be that a terminal diagnosis, savaging someone’s speech at a medical conference (only if the speaker was talking nonsense, that is), scolding an intern - you name it. 

With years of experience under his belt, Dr Ramsey excelled at the “art” of saying the most horrible, unpleasant and inconvenient things. It was a process he took to pieces and mastered every tiniest part.

He knew exactly what they were whispering behind his back in the hospital corridors. Dr Ramsey is a bully. A ruthless cynic. No one survived more than 3 minutes of his tirades without bursting into tears. Or, as some of the interns so lovingly put it, he was “the only survivor of a heart transplant”. The last remark had been conveyed to him by Baz, who found it hilarious…and so did Naveen. It took one deadly look to silence Baz forever, however Naveen used every occasion to remind his protégé of hospital’s favourite joke:

‘How’s your heart, Ethan?’

‘Good, why are you as—‘ Ethan didn’t have a chance to finish answering the question, interrupted by Dr Banerji who was in convulsions.

‘God, Naveen, for such a bright mind and one of the best doctors in the world, I still find it hard to believe that you have a sense of humour of a 5 year old’

‘There is nothing wrong with some joy, Ethan. You should try it sometimes, it may do you good.’

Similar conversations took place on a regular basis, but they always ended with Ethan rolling his eyes and Naveen sighing. Younger doctor would never, ever tell his mentor off, he respected him too much. So Ethan let Dr Banerji have some fun at his expense from time to time.

But, truth be told, he kept his emotions at a leash and he was good at it, because there wasn’t a thing in Ethan’s life that he wasn’t good at. Regardless of what it was - saving people’s lives or emotional self-deprivation.

That’s why reminiscing past 2 years was so hard for accomplished diagnostician. He couldn’t help but think that he’s lived more during this time than he’s lived during his whole life. His existence wasn’t a boring one, he loved his job and the cases that the team had to crack were mostly complex and thus exciting. There was also a sense of fulfilment and servitude to a greater cause.

As a kid, Ethan wanted to be a detective. It all started with Alan buying his son one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s books. There was no hidden intention in this choice - Alan simply ran out of book ideas, Ethan was literally gobbling up the books at his disposal and was thirsty for more. Therefore, Mr Ramsey picked picked one of the thickest positions available in the book shop, with hopes it will keep Ethan occupied for at least a couple of weeks. Oh, how wrong he was - 5 days later his son was already begging for more.

Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot quickly took the top spot on the list of Ethan’s childhood heroes. He was obsessed with their investigative methods, their sharp minds that captured even the tiniest of details and how missing those nuances would make solving a mystery a lot harder, if not impossible. 

That’s why he became obsessed with details. He analysed, compared, observed and noted down everything around him with deliberation. After a while, Ethan realised that these skills come handy in various areas of life. He could read people and to a degree foresee what their next move was going to be. If he wanted to, he could probably try and influence their decisions too. If it wasn’t for Alan’s upbringing, this particular skill might have taken his life onto a dark track, but fortunately he utilised it for greater good.

Having this sort of insight made him very self-conscious and he never turned away from reliving his own decisions and behaviours, which helped him become a better doctor, every single day. But he never wallowed in the mud of emotions, instead always operating on facts.

But for the past couple of months, this process became a pure torture. 

You know what they say, the devil is in the detail. And the devil it was indeed. 

The devil that would be the death of Ethan was 5’4, had raven hair, plumped lips, mesmerising eyes and a captivating laugh. 

Suddenly, he heard the devil’s voice in his head.

‘Are you pinching the bridge of your nose right now?’ 

He was.

‘God dammit!’ - shouted Ethan, so loud that he startled poor Jenner, who resigned from occupying the sofa and ran straight to his bed. Even the retriever, in his doggy wisdom, knew that when his master was upset, it was best to stay out of his sight and wait for the storm to pass.

Whenever Dr Ramsey had a serious dilemma, he would subtly join his thumb and index finger to pinch the gentle skin between eyes. She knew of this somewhat subconscious habit and teased him about it countless times. 

With most people, the whole observing and reading process was a one-sided game. For majority of mortals, Ethan was a closed book and they had no idea how to open, let alone read it. But not Rookie. She saw right through him. Ethan considered himself a riveting mystery thriller before, if we’re talking comparisons, but right now he was probably a cheap Harlequin. How did he sink so low in practically no time?

The answer came before he was even able to finish the question.

He was hopelessly, utterly and irreversibly in love with Dr Vicky Valentine.

“Victoria….” he whispered. He knew her full name, he’s read her bloody application and her employee file many, many times. More than he’d ever care to admit. Neither him nor anyone else addressed her by her full name. She always introduced herself as Vicky and even mentioned to him, June & Baz one time that she considered herself too young to be a bearer of such gracious name. But when the name fell out of his lips, it made perfect sense. Victoria. Victory. After a long, tough and heartbreaking battle, she’s won all of him. And man, wasn’t she fighting fiercely. 

She was so much like him, and yet so different. Patients loved her, and for a good reason - not only was she amazing at her job, but also so genuinely caring about every patient she met. Somehow, she was able to see past people weary of their conditions, instead she always noticed the human beings with their unique stories. Thanks to her, patients never felt like sickness became their identity, but merely a stage in their life that shall soon pass. 

Hospital staff adored her as well, she had time and a huge smile for everyone; her bright aura lit up every room she walked into and was a pleasure to be around. 

Those who knew Ethan a bit better or worked with him were aware of the insanely high standards he was holding himself to. And it would have been fine if they only applied to him, but he held everyone else to the same standard too. It was his buffer. Most gave up without even trying, it was humanly impossible to live up to such expectations. And that was the goal. Dr Ramsey wanted no distractions and if anyone wanted so much as approach him, they had a giant wall to jump over first.

But the young intern wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Dozens of people before her stood in front of the wall and tried to figure out how to get in. And she… she just found a tiny gap and squeezed right through. Before Ethan realised what’s going on, it was already too late. And she wasn’t even fully aware of what she’s done.

Like air, she’s entered his life imperceptibly, filling every space until there was nothing else. She was in every reflection he saw, every smile, every freaking thing a reminder of her, one way or another.

He was completely under her spell, enchanted, drunk in the thought of her.

The most ironic part was that if he went by his unreasonable standards, she’d never stand a chance.

She was messy, she was a klutz, she laughed too loud and rounded her eyes like a child when something seriously excited her.

And yet, something about her made him break all of his rules, lower his guard and re-think everything he’s ever thought he knew and believed in. 

Obviously, he wouldn’t be himself if the occupational quirk did not kick in at some point. Whatever the cause, Dr Ramsey had to get to the bottom of it, no matter how many tests did he have to run on his mind and heart. He needed the diagnosis so he could start the treatment. But his sharp diagnostic skills which made him a famous man, suddenly decided to go on unplanned vacation and it looks like they were not coming back anytime soon.

Ambivalence became Ethan’s newest companion. Some days, he thought he was going to blow his brains out, the others he was strangely content and did not want to analyse anything, things were good just as they were.

For the first time in his life, he felt truly lost. He felt like Jon Snow, he knew nothing. It wasn’t a result of one event, rather a chain reaction. Starting with Naveen getting sick, the inability to figure out what was wrong with his mentor made Ethan seriously doubt his capabilities as a doctor. Then, Louise Ramsey made a surprise reappearance after having walked out on him and his dad 25 years earlier. When he was little, his dad use to say that wherever Louise goes, trouble follows and it wasn’t any different this time. She brought company - insecurity, sorrow, resentment - to name just a few. Ethan felt like someone ripped a band aid from his heart and painfully reminded him that all the wounds are still alive and never really healed. 

And finally, Edenbrook. The place that others saw as walls, glass, beds, people in white coats, sickness, illness, death. To him, it was much, much more. The hospital had almost a transcendental dimension. It was here that Ethan’s transition had been completed. He shed his old skin and became Dr Ramsey, the person he was always meant to be.

That’s why Edenbrook closing hit him so hard - a part of him was about to die and be buried beneath years of sweat, tears and effort. It was probably the hardest thing to come to terms with in the 37 years that he’s been walking on the surface of the Earth.

And throughout all these events, she was with him.

She never gave up on Naveen and Ethan knew that there was more to it than just saving Edenbrook’s most prominent doctor. He believed, he wanted to believe that she did this for him too. 

The memory brought shame that drained off him like unpleasant wave of cold water. Ethan never really forgave himself for just laying in his bed like a drunk bag of potatoes, whilst she was busting her gut to solve the case, even though she had ethics hearing to prepare for. A hearing that could make or break her whole career, before she even had a chance to start.

Dr Ramsey would like to think they were alike. But as a matter of fact, she was a much better person than him.

Then, with his mother in the picture, she never told him what to do. Even though he asked, many times. He hoped someone can actually make the decision for him, because it hurt so much to even think about this, let alone decide what to do next. But she never did. She was just there and by simply being, she empowered him to make his own, informed decision. 

She was there, like no one else was in his entire life. Not to take anything from Naveen, who had tremendous effect on Ethan’s life - but this was completely different.

She penetrated his soul.

She made him feel.

Love.

It was the first time he used this word in a long, long time. 

And maybe, quite possibly, for the first time in his life he used it with intention. 

He thought he felt it once before. 

When he was a student at Johns Hopkins, Ethan met Camille. She was a year older than him, with angelic voice and looks, the cascade of blond locks surrounding her gentle facial features like a halo. 

What impressed him was that she kept hitting up on him, not the other way round. He’s had his mind set on graduating as a top student in his class and then getting the best residency there was - in Edenbrook hospital in Boston. It was either him or someone else. University romances were of no interest to him, or so he thought. After all, he’s just gone past his teenage years and was relatively new to the world of intimate human desires. As much as he tried to push them away, he had needs and his hormones were still a giant part of his decision-making process, doesn’t matter how hard he tried denying it.

Also, there was something motherly about her and she reminded him of the woman who left him when he was just a boy. It was completely fucked-up, he hated his mother and yet a memory of her and how he’d once do anything for her was tattooed in the insides of his brain.

Ethan and Camille shared a passion for medicine, music and opera. A few times, he was close to bringing her down to Providence, to introduce her to Alan, his father. But there was this weird voice in his head stopping him. 

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t overly surprised when one day he walked on Camille. In his bed. Screaming and making other explicit sounds…except, he wasn’t the igniter. It was none other than his best friend at the time, Tobias. Ethan would never forget the jealous glance he shot him with when he first brought Camille to one of the student parties. And then things got worse. Ethan and Tobias always competed and for a long time it was a fuel that kept them both going. But when someone wins, someone has to lose. Neither of them was good at losing or accepting the failure. 

Ethan was doing better than his best friend. Not significantly better, the difference between them had usually been slight, but it was there. Tobias couldn’t swallow this. Not only was Ethan doing better than him, he also had one of the most beautiful students at Hopkins by his side. Jealousy started to spread inside him like a wildfire and since his attempts to beat Ethan at school were futile, he decided to make use of his other skills. Tobias was a born flirter and charmer. He often used to say that no woman can resist his spell and that “where there’s a woman - there’s a way.”

Dr Ramsey never told anyone, but having found out that his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend was sort of relief. Call it sixth sense, an intuition… subconsciously he sort of felt that she wasn’t a girl for him. As for Tobias, he was tired of the fight….of Tobias fighting with him, that is. Ethan wasn’t fighting, he was just a better student and was going to be a better doctor. He was tired of petty competition and how the toxin poisoned their relationship.

So they actually made him a favour and helped him killed 2 birds with 1 stone - he was saved from having an awkward break-up conversation that he’s never went through before and he now had every right to hate Tobias. He didn’t really, as such feelings were a waste of energy, but a week later Tobias moved out of their shared apartment and they never really spoke again.

After Camille, he was only in a brief relationship once. With Harper. He deeply admired and respected her, but when things started getting too serious (from her side), he distanced himself. And so, for a couple of years to follow, they were on the off and on again terms. They went through countless friends with benefits stages, but he genuinely enjoyed her company. They just never wanted the same things, which became more and more evident as she was getting older. And he respected her too much to mess her around.

Ethan’s career was everything to him and he accepted the fact that falling in love and having a family is just not in the cards for him.

Or so he thought.  

Dr Valentine entered his life one September morning and hasn’t left ever since. And, hell, hasn’t he tried to erase her. To make her hate him. To draw a line between work and personal life. He could honestly say that he tried everything.

For the love of God, he ran to fucking Amazon! He tried to hide from all things Dr Valentine, like a fool who forgot one of the most basic rules of life: there is no running away from yourself. 

Tag list (please let me know if you wish to be removed): @terrm9 @openheart12 @openheartthot @rookie-ramsey @alwaysmychoices @brooks-eden @drethanramslay @starrystarrytrouble @justanotherrookie @caseyvalentineramsey@incorrectopenheart @heauxplesslydevoted @perriewinklenerdie @mercury84choices @archxxronrookie @renasalek-blog @maurine07 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @lemonmiddleton @tsrookie @choicesfan10 @dr-colossal-pita @queencarb @gryffindordaughterofathena @qrkowna @aarisa-frost @choicesficwriterscreations

[fight-surrender]

OK so I went and caught the covid, and while laid out flat in my bed for days, I pretty much did nothing more than read inordinate amounts of incredible fic, sleep and watch some TV. Here’s a sampler, Couple of explicit ones on the list so beware: 

A Pint’s a Pound by @stillmadaboutpetra Baker AU. Complete. Explicit. I. Am. Obsessed with this fic. I think I’ve read it daily since @captain-aralias recommended it. It’s raunchy and hilarious and totally unhinged and my god I love it so much. 

Sword of Mages Tattoo by RooBadley (are they on Tumblr?) WIP. Mature. The Tattoo Shop AU. Simon, Baz and Penny run a tattoo shop. Exquisite sexual tension between Simon and Baz. Penny & Shep are married. This is my daily recovery vitamin. Literally, it’s updating daily and giving me life. Funny, smart, totally addictive. 

On Thin Ice by @vampire-named-gampire WIP Mature. The figure skating AU! Exciting and educational! Simon and Baz are rival figure skaters. Each chapter is also a lesson in the actual sport of figure skating. And ugh, strong, powerful if uncertain skater Simon and graceful, snarky Baz. Yes please!

Where the Sand Meets the Sea by @amywaterwings WIP Teen and up. Bodyswap AU. Guys. I have a mad crush on Amy’s writing. She’s one of those authors where I sometimes miss the story because I get tangled up in the luxuriant experience that’s just reading the words and sentences. Her prose is like art. PLUS it’s a really fucking good story. There may or may not be pink pubic hairs shaved into the shape of a lightning bolt in the story, the result of a really funny body swap prank war.  

Goodbye Norma Jean by @captain-aralias Complete. Explicit. Just the tags of this fic had me cackling. Baz accidentally activates the “Candle in the Wind” spell and hilarity ensues. Pure smut with a brilliant plot and always feelings. Aralias is a master of smart, sexy smut and this doesn’t disappoint. The “will you be my boyfriend” discussion is gold. 

[jostens-pitch]

headcanon that simon has a chronic stutter:

since he grew up being moved from foster home to foster home, simon never properly learned how to speak or articulate his thoughts

this results in him developing a stutter

he cant say any words that start with “s”, which is painfully ironic given his name is simon snow. he draws out the “s” sound and ends up sounding like a snake. he also has trouble with words like “charlotte” and the letters “b” “p” “m” “n” and “c”. practically the whole alphabet is his enemy

because of his stutter the kids in the foster homes all mock him and laugh at him, making the stutter worse for simon

he becomes a quiet kid who refuses to use his words in fear of embarrassing himself

he sees some speech therapists, but because theyre appointed by the government, simon never sees the same therapist twice

this causes his stutter to get worse. he tries to fix it himself and developes a nasty habit of using fillers in sentences like “um” “uh” and “like” repeatedly

by the time hes 11 hes given up any hope of becoming normal and being able to speak without fear

when he gets to watford and realizes how important it is to say phrases just right to make spells work, it feels like hes in his own kind of personal hell

the professors at watford do their best to help simon, but in the magik world a stutter is something that is a tragedy to mages as it hinders their speaking capabilities

because of his stutter, simons magic is even more pathetic and chaotic than it should be and his classmates all whisper about it

during simons first year, the mage is constantly trying to find a “cure” for simons stutter and is always quickly frustrated by how long it takes simon to say something

this causes him to retreat further into himself and only speak when absolutely needed (it takes penny a year to get simon to start speaking again)

for a while, penny is the only person who understands that simons stutter isnt something of a tragedy: its just who he is

shes also very protective of simon and his speech impediment. anyone who even glances at simon oddly while hes speaking to them is sure to be jinxed by miss penelope bunce herself

and as for simons relationship with baz throughout their watford years:

simon notices pretty quickly that baz’s taunts never revolve around his speech impediment. baz is many things, mostly a dick, but at least he isnt someone who mocks speech impediments. its something that is oddly comforting to simon. baz may make his life miserable, but at least he knows not to make fun of something simon cant fix

as simon gets older his stutter becomes something he can kinda control (which hes quite proud of) but like every person with a chronic stutter: it gets bad when hes anxious or stressed

baz makes simon anxious and stressed

they share a room

as established above: baz is a dick

you can see simons problem

now baz ? he finds simons stutter endearing and maybe intentionally irritates simon just to hear him say, “p-p-p...phhh..piss o-off !!!”

baz isnt proud of it and knows that its probably something very offensive to stutterers, but to him its what makes simon so human. the chosen one, the heros of all heros, can barely say his own name without jumbling over his words

simon comes to learn that the only time he doesnt stutter is when hes defending others

baz notices this too and is disgusted by how in love that makes him feel

overtime simon slowly begins to accept his stutter and that it will probably always be a part of him, though he still prefers to use actions rather than words

when simon and baz get together, they develope a system that allows them to communicate without words. simon cherishes it dearly

baz also encourages simon to talk about his stutter. simon knows its baz’s way of getting simon to open up more to speaking, but he loves that baz tries to help

they have long conversations every night about how simons stutter feels (painful and like hes choking)

how baz can help simon during a bad stutter fit (dont try and guess what simon is trying to say. dont say the word for simon. just sit there patiently and wait)

if simon should give speech therapy another try (maybe, but for now simon is content with where he is)

what methods simon uses to speak smoothly (visualizing the words helps simon. and repeating what he wants to say numerous times inside his head)

in the end, baz’s dedication to helping and understanding simon’s stutter, along with penny’s fierce protectiveness over him, are what really help simon accept himself

simon’s stutter will never be cured, but for once the thought doesnt make him anxious or ashamed. he has two awesome people who love him as he is. thats what matters to simon. they keep him going

might add more but i was researching my stuttering condition late at night and needed something comforting. so why not project my insecurities onto my comfort characters ? we need more stutter representation (done correctly) anyways x

*please note that i myself have a chronic stutter. all experiences listed here are my own. if anyone tries to tell me im wrong i will cry