#minion followers survey 1

[xxatinyminionxx]

💫 Attention my followers seeing this !!! 💫

I decided to make an anonymous google form survey! I made it so I could get to know y’all better.

There’s a variety of questions to answer like your txt/enha bias, demographics, and your response to SERIOUS ongoing debates 😌

I’ll share the overall results with you October 22-23. You have until to October 23 at 4AM KST to respond!

I can definitely do more surveys! Maybe about specific groups or kpop subject matters? 👀

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Manhua - NEW EPILOGUE!

DREAMS DO COME TRUE GUYS MORE CONTENT?! It’s written by the same author as the novel and the chapter is focused on like smut, we all know how that all goes but oh wells I’m just happy to see some new content for now XD

－ Summary: Shao Fei and Zhao Zi get hurt in two separate occasions, their boyfriends find out and drag them home for a discussion (in bed). This is set after Epilogues 1 and 2 from the main novel (i.e. Tang Yi is already out of jail, Shao Fei is Captain etc.)

－ Translated Manhua FOR THIS EPILOGUE (PG13 scenes only): HERE

*Translations for both are mine, don’t own the content or stuff, only the translations!

=======

In which those handcuffs make a cameo for TangFei, and Jack, despite saying that he’s gone all legal now, still has some brothers under him at his command XD

Both couples have already been together for 7-8 years at the point of this epilogue

Highlights: Tang Yi buys underwear for Shao Fei apparently, and Xing Tian Meng is still well and alive (although mostly legal and low profile now), Jack still has a bunch of minions working for him 

Warnings: Firstly, this is written by the same author, who’s really not that good at smut (I see SOME improvement) and she obviously has a formula for the smut, and you’ll get what I mean because translation is one thing, but the smut for TangFei and LiKe are not varied because... it’s a formula XD ⇨ Okay not sure if it’s counted as dub-con because Shao Fei & Zhao Zi do say ‘no’ a few times but I don’t know if their heart was in it and anyway, this is just for safety! ⇨ Also Jack is a tad bit unsanitary and you’ll get what i mean when you venture into the smut, and I don’t how I feel about that smut scene to be honest, just treat it as PWP and don’t think too much into it (advice I should take myself)

Notes: I’ve adjusted some phrases for smoother transitions by personal choice. Also, Jack is referred to as Fang Liang Dian, his birth name throughout the chapter, but I’ve changed it to Jack for easy reading as well.

Full chapter under the cut

===

Ximending

Under a building veranda, a tall and handsome man stands next to a pillar in the pedestrian zone and ignores all the stares full of open admiration and envy coming at him from his surroundings. He looks at the watch on his left wrist and frowns.

“Tang Yi!”

A refreshing, clear voice sounds from afar and the man’s wrinkles from the frown he has on his face finally eases as he stares at the other, reminding someone that he is late.

“Seven minutes.”

Meng Shao Fei grins at him and says, “Sorry, sorry, I was delayed a few minutes by a part-timer’s survey. How about later after dinner I’ll treat you to your ‘elderly’ tea, the one that is expensive and takes a long time to savour.”

“That’s called taste.”

The person who was originally standing in front of Tang Yi suddenly furrows his brows, then takes half a step back to the side, intentionally putting some distance between them both before saying, “Let’s go, I’m starving.”

“Mnn,” Tang Yi does not notice the movement, only nodding his head and making a noise of assent.

“Thief!”

Just as they are heading towards the restaurant where they have a reservation, a woman’s screams sound in the bustling pedestrian walkway. The people who are near her startle and begin to look around them. Just as the thief is about to blend into the crowds, taking the opportunity to escape, two figures from two different directions rush towards him. One of them strikes him in the abdomen, while the other takes out a pair of handcuffs and cuffs him around his right hand, which is holding onto a butterfly knife.

“Police! Don’t move!”

The shorter one with the handcuffs shouts at him, and once the thief hears these words, he goes white with fear immediately. He thought that he could easily get away but who knew he would be caught red-handed by the police?

“Zhao Zi?”

Shao Fei picks up the pink-coloured handbag from the red cobblestone walkway, patting at it a few times to get rid of the dust and looks at the other person who has helped him to restrain the thief, stunned.

“Huh? Shao Fei? What are you doing here?”

Zhao Li An is also looking at Shao Fei in surprise, not expecting to meet the Captain of Investigative Team Three here.

“I should be the one asking that question, what are you doing here?”

Zhao Zi immediately scratches at the back of his head and laughs, “Jack said that there’s a pretty good restaurant around here, so...”

Shao Fei points behind him and replies, “Tang Yi also said that there is a restaurant here that is famous for its Sichuan cuisine, could it be... the same place?”

“Chuan La Zi restaurant?”

“Damn, it really is the same one!”

“...”

The perpetrator who has been cuffed looks at the person on the left, then looks at the person on the right and his heart feels as if thousands of horses are speeding through, thudding hard. Fuck! How is he this unlucky? Not only has he run into the police, it’s two police officers at the same time.

“Shorty, you actually dare to leave me? ... huh? Ex-boss? Officer Meng?”

An eye-catching mop of red hair finally pushes through the crowd as Jack comes up behind Zhao Zi, seeing two familiar faces before he can even protest against his lover’s actions of abandoning him to rush over and arrest a robber.

“...”

Tang Yi stands at the front of the crowd that has gathered, his expression terrible as he glares at Fang Liang Dian, who has actually reserved the same restaurant as he. 

A brief opportunity arises seeing that the two officers are distracted by the sudden situation before them, the thief tightens his grip around the butterfly knife in the hand that is locked in the cuffs, the knife that Zhao Zi has forgotten to disarm from him. He mercilessly slashes at Zhao Zi’s arm and shoves him away hard, before rushing into the crowd and disappearing.

“Uwah!”

“Zhao Zi!”

Shao Fei immediately reacted after being shoved aside, but he is still one step too late and all he can do is watch as the thief disappears into the crowd.

“Shorty! Are you okay?”

Jack holds onto Zhao Zi, who’s pressing a hand over his wound to stop it from bleeding and he cannot be bothered to chase after the culprit, who has already made it a distance away. He has already committed that face to memory anyway, and it’s only a matter of time before he’s caught.

“I’m fine.”

As his supervisor, once Shao Fei has made sure that his stupid junior is alright, he lightly slaps Zhao Zi on the back of his head and angrily says, “Go back and write your reflection essay 50 times! Let’s see if you’ll still dare to not follow protocol and not be prepared to disarm the culprit!”

“50 times? Hey, Ah Fei, how can you be like this? You were also the same the last time-”

“Last. Time?” the Xing Tian Meng leader at the side asks coldly before Zhao Zi has even finished speaking.

“That’s right, the previous supermarket robbery case, Ah Fei was also punched by the robber.”

“Zhao Li An, shut up,”  Shao Fei says in a low voice as he crazily waves at him for a pass, but is still unable to keep his stupid junior from exposing him.

Tang Yi grabs onto Officer Meng’s wrist with a somber expression, “Go back with me.”

“I’m so hungry, can you let me eat my fill first and then I’ll go home and let you scold me, okay?”

“Not okay.”

“It’s so embarrassing for me like this, let me go and I can walk myself, hey, Tang Yi... Tang Yi... Tang...”

The strategy of crying for mercy not effective, Team Three’s Captain is dragged away from the pedestrian zone under the eyes of the audience from the crowd.

“Haha, he deserves it,” Zhao Zi laughs gleefully, but his smile falters once he remembers the punishment he’s about to face and complains under his breath, “50 times... a reflection essay...”

“Shorty.”

“What?”

“I’ve cancelled our reservation at the restaurant.”

“Why?”

Hearing that the delicious feast he was anticipating has now been cancelled, Zhao Zi immediately turns around and glares at the smiling man in anger.

Under Jack’s charming smile, a chill runs down Zhao Li An’s spine as he shudders, and the man says, “I think we too have to go back, and have a really good discussion.”

After so many years, Zhao Li An immediately realizes that something is amiss with the current atmosphere hearing the heavily-stressed response. Just as he’s about to make a run for it, his tall and handsome lover catches him around the waist and lifts him over his shoulder. Under the watchful gazes of the crowd, he walks back to where his bike is parked.

===

Shao Fei’s Home

“Tang Yi, mmm... mm-nn...”

Inside the bedroom, the furious man decides to just use his own lips to block the words continuously coming out of the other man’s mouth. All that comes out of his mouth are excuses anyway and it’s nothing that Tang Yi wants to hear, so Shao Fei might as well shut up and make the noises that Tang Yi likes to hear instead.

“Tang Yi, listen to me...”

⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

Read the complete chapter in Google Drive - Link in Source

[Do read the warnings above before venturing into this!]

[thecreaturecodex]

Daemon, Ultrodaemon

Image by Conceptopolis, © Wizards of the Coast.

[Commissioned by @justicegundam82​, who is of a similar mind to me: the ultroloth/ultrodaemon has gotten a raw deal for the last 20 years. In the original Monster Manual 2, the ultrodaemon actually had more hit dice than a pit fiend or balor, and in 2e they were on an even footing with those two paragons of evil (thanks, Planescape!). But in 3.0 they were CR 16, 3.5 they were CR 13, and they’re CR 13 in the current edition. If you want a CR 13 ultrodaemon for Pathfinder, @thecreaturechronicle​ did one here.

Also, the olethrodaemon is a little disappointing for the capstone daemon. Maybe because they’re adorable]

Daemon, Ultrodaemon CR 20 NE Outsider This regal-looking creature has no face, merely a blank green-grey void with eyes that shine like opals. It carries a finely made sword in one hand.

An ultrodaemon is an extinction event made manifest, the representation of the death of an entire species. They are the generals of Abaddon’s armies and the masterminds of its triumphs. An ultrodaemon is mercenary to the extreme, working with other ultrodaemons, daemonic harbingers or Horsemen of the Apocalypse as their own needs see fit. They are especially fond of obcisidaemons—after the daemons of genocide have wiped out a culture or civilization, the ultrodaemons savor mopping up pockets of survivors to lead the species to oblivion.

Ultrodaemons are unusual among daemons in that they prefer subtlety to mass murder. They are capable of walking the earth in mortal guise, and between their natural skills at persuasion and their telepathic commands, are able to shape the efforts of kingdoms and nations towards destructive and deadly ends. Only when their plans come to fruition do they enter the battlefield directly, although they are happy to test their skills and those of their minions.

An ultrodaemon rarely if ever fights alone, and if caught off guard is capable of summoning aid to its side. They often bolster their forces with magical enhancements, flying over the battlefield and surveying weak points that require their attention. Their opalescent eyes flash in ways to render foes completely helpless, but ultrodaemons much prefer to leave these enemies with self-destructive or murderous suggestions rather than merely finish them off. Thanks to their selective spell immunity and ability to conjure symbols with a mere gesture, ultrodaemons are versatile combatants, and no two fights with them are likely to go the same way. If badly pressed, an ultrodaemon will flee to fight another day, plotting revenge against those that best them.

An ultrodaemon stands over six feet tall in its natural form, and weighs about two hundred pounds. They do tend to indulge their vanity with fine clothes and jewelry, and often wear trophies from especially memorable fights—necklaces of preserved fingers are a favorite.

Ultrodaemon     CR 20 XP 307,200 NE Medium outsider (daemon, evil, extraplanar, shapechanger) Init +9; Senses arcane sight, darkvision 60 ft., Perception +32, true seeing Defense AC 38, touch 28, flat-footed 29 (+9 Dex, +9 profane, +10 natural)hp 341 (22d10+220); fast healing 10 Fort +17, Ref +22, Will +20 DR 15/good and silver; Immune acid, death effects, disease, poison; Resist cold 10, electricity 10, fire 10; SR 31 Defensive Abilities profane shield, selective spell immunity Offense Speed 30 ft., fly 60 ft. (good) Melee +4 unholy longsword +35/+30/+25/+20 (1d8+13/17-20 plus 2d6 unholy), slam +26 (1d12+4) or 2 slams +31 (1d12+9) Ranged oblivion ray +31 touch (20d8 typeless plus energy drain) Special Attacks energy drain (1d4 negative levels, DC 30), mesmerizing gaze, symbol master, telepathic urge Spell-like Abilities CL 22nd, concentration +31 Constant—arcane sight, fly, true seeing At will—blasphemy (DC 26), greater dispel magic, greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs. objects only), invisibility, prying eyes, unholy blight (DC 23) 3/day— quickened contagious flame, empowered fire storm (DC 27), mass bear’s endurance, mass bull’s strength, mass cat’s grace, mass suggestion (DC 25), prismatic spray (DC 26) 1/day—greater scrying (DC 26), implosion (DC 28), plane shift (DC 26), prismatic wall (DC 27), summon (1 daemon of CR 19 or lower, 9th level, 100%), unholy aura (DC 27) Statistics Str 28, Dex 28, Con 30, Int 27, Wis 25, Cha 29 Base Atk +22; CMB +31 (+35 disarm); CMD 50 Feats Combat Expertise, Empower SLA (fire storm), Greater Disarm, Improved Critical (longsword), Improved Disarm, Persuasive, Point-Blank Shot, Power Attack, Precise Shot,  Quicken SLA (contagious flame),Vital Strike Skills Bluff +34, Diplomacy +38, Disguise +34 (+44 when using change shape), Fly +46, Intimidate +38, Knowledge (arcana) +30,  Knowledge (history) +30, Knowledge (nature) +30, Knowledge (planes) +33, Knowledge (religion) +30, Perception +32, Sense Motive +32, Spellcraft +30, Stealth +34, Use Magic Device +34 Languages Abyssal, Celestial, Common, Draconic, Infernal, telepathy 100 ft. SQ change shape (humanoid, alter self), perfect copy Ecology Environment any land or underground (Abaddon) Organization solitary, council (2-6), or army (1 plus 20-200 HD of daemons) Treasure double standard (+4 unholy longsword, other treasure) Special Abilities Mesmerizing Gaze (Su) Paralyzed 1d4 rounds, 30 ft., Will DC 30 negates. Daemons are immune to this effect. The save DC is Charisma based. Oblivion Ray (Su) As a standard action, an ultrodaemon can fire a ray at a range of 240 feet with no range increment. A creature struck by this ray takes 20d8 points of typeless damage and suffers 1d4 negative levels. A successful DC 31 Fortitude save halves the damage and negates the negative levels. A creature reduced to 0 hit points by this ability is utterly destroyed, as if killed with a destruction spell. The save DC is Constitution based. Perfect Copy (Ex) An ultrodaemon can assume the form of specific creatures when using its change shape ability. Profane Shield (Su) An ultrodaemon gains a profane bonus to its Armor Class equal to its Charisma modifier. Selective Spell Immunity (Su) Once per day, an ultroloth can spend 10 minutes in meditation to grant itself immunity to nine spells, one of each spell level. These spells must be subject to spell resistance, and this effect otherwise acts as unimpeachable spell resistance against those spells specifically. The following is a list of sample spells that may be taken by an ultroloth as its immunities—magic missile, spiritual weapon, vampiric touch, holy smite, waves of fatigue, banishment, holy word, fire storm, dominate monster Symbol Master (Su) Once per day as a standard action, an ultrodaemon can trace a glyph in the air to have the effect of any symbol spell it chooses. This symbol has a save DC of 30 and is treated as being CL 22nd for the purposes of dispelling or other effects. The save DC is Charisma based. Telepathic Urge (Su) An ultrodaemon can implant a suggestion, as per the spell, in the mind of a creature paralyzed by its gaze as a swift action. A creature can resist this suggestion with a DC 30 Will save. The save DC is Charisma based.

[excindrela]

12 Days of Demon Ayno - Day 5 (M)

Supernatural AU

Pairing: demon! Ayno (Noh YoonHo) VAV / Female reader

Genre:  A touch of Fluff/ a dash of soft Smut/ and A N G S T

Warnings: occult, fingering, unprotected sex (be safe people!), implied sex

Word Count: 3352

AN: Welcome back to the 5th Day of Demon Ayno’s holiday! This one got away from me and turned out way longer than I expected.  I love feedback- so if there’s something you like, or something you want to see- tell me!! Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this, and especially to those who have re-blogged! There is no way I will have this finished by Christmas, but please stay tuned for days 6-12!

Demon Ayno: Summoned | Thanksgiving | 12 Days: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9

On the 5th Day of Christmas: You & Ayno Got Out of Town

You were doing the dishes on Wednesday night as Ayno sat at the kitchen island reading to you from the community newspaper.

“The culinary school is going to have weekend baking workshops. Perhaps I should go since baking seems to not go well for me. This Saturday is Christmas stollen…whatever that is.” Ayno said.

“It’s a German bread that has fruit in it”, you laughed.  “Sounds fun, but we can’t go. We’re going to be gone this weekend.”

“We are going somewhere? Together?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes. We are going to Caston Marshall’s engagement party. I’ve known her since pre-school. Her wedding is June 15th, but it’s here in downtown. The engagement party is at The Sugar Pines – it’s a posh ski resort in the mountains a few hours drive from here.”

“So, we will go to the mountains on Saturday?” he confirmed.

“Actually…I thought it seemed like a nice getaway…and I wanted to spend time with you, so I’m taking Friday off work. We can drive up Friday morning and spend half of Friday and all Saturday morning enjoying the resort – and each other- go to the party Saturday night, and come home on Sunday after brunch.”

Ayno came up behind you and gave you a full body back hug and turned your face to his so he could kiss you softly. “First vacation together! Thank you- looking forward to spending time with you somewhere new.”

*          *          *

The resort was lovely with lots of warm wood and brick, open gathering spaces, large fireplaces and huge windows overlooking the ski runs. You didn’t have a particularly fancy room, but it had a king size bed with high thread count sheets and a down comforter; and a 2 way fireplace- one side faced the bed, and the other side faced the giant sunken oval bathtub that dominated the bathroom.

After getting settled in, you went for a walk to check out what the resort had to offer. The concierge got you a window side table for 2 for dinner that night in the restaurant at the top of the runs, and you rented snowshoes for Saturday morning from the winter sports desk.

You found Ayno out on the terrace watching riders going down the tube run. “Do you want to try?” you asked him.

“We can ride that?” he asked excitedly.

“Yep! Let’s go get tickets!” you said, grabbing his hand to jog down the stairs to the hut with the tubes.

You spent an hour riding up the hill on the magic carpet and then sliding down in the candy colored donuts, over the rolling bumps to the bottom, over and over again. You loved watching Ayno’s blonde hair float and fly as he bounced his way down the tube run and hearing his shrieks of joy and laughter the whole ride down. It was so much fun, and his childlike enthusiasm made you sorry when your time was up.

You went back to the room and changed to dinner clothes and rode the gondola up to the top of the mountain to have dinner. Your table overlooked the ski runs and the lodge below, and between courses you admired all the colors the setting sun cast on the white mountains and then the beauty of the stars emerging in the dark above the lights adorning the resort as they winked on.

Considering Ayno’s background, you were surprised at how well he adapted to romance. He held your hand all through dinner, gazing at you adoringly. After dinner, you moved to a love seat by one of the fireplaces; where you sat drinking Bailey’s & coffee with Ayno’s arm around you while you talked softly with each other and Ayno occasionally left soft kisses on your temples and cheeks.

You ended your night the way you’d hoped ever since you saw the room: with the fireplace blazing, in a hot bubble bath with Ayno. You had started out relaxing seated between his legs, leaning back against his warm smooth chest. But wasn’t long before your hands were stroking his thighs, while he kissed your neck and his fingers worked inside of you while his thumb teased your clit. He knew how to push you over the edge so easily, that in no time he had your fingers digging into his thighs, whimpering his name as your toes curled and you saw stars.

You rolled over to straddle him, taking his hard length and running your hand up and down it a few times before guiding it inside of you. You loved the way Ayno’s body fit inside yours: he filled you completely, but not uncomfortably. The feeling was always pure bliss- like something that had been missing was replaced and you were whole again.

He brought his lips to gently suck and lick your nipples while he rolled his hips beneath you. You sighed and ran your fingers into his hair.

“Are you happy now that I am inside you? Do I please you?” he asked as he worked kisses up the column of your throat.

“Mmmm yes...I love this feeling”, you confirmed. “You always please me Ayno.”

He smiled contentedly, “I know you want more, but you will have to give up this bathtub for me to give it to you, otherwise you will need a kayak to get to the toilet later.”

You had to laugh. He was right, you desperately wanted to feel his hips bruising your thighs, his hands at your throat, but you hated the idea of un-joining your bodies for even a moment.  As though reading your mind, Ayno smiled and said “Don’t worry baby, I’ve got this. Hang on.” You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck; and in one strong graceful movement he leaned forward and undid the tub stopper before standing up and wrapping a towel around your bodies.  You moaned softly at the sensations the new angle created, and from the feeling of him inside you as he walked. “Mmmm…going to have to remember to do this with you again…” he said as he laid you down on the bed to finish what you had started.

*          *          *

Room service delivered your coffee, pastries & fresh fruit right on time at 8. Ayno eyed the cheese danish dubiously, and it took a good 10 min to convince him to take a bite. Once he did however, you were glad that you liked plain croissants with butter because the rest of the cheese danish along with the cherry and chocolate ones disappeared with lightning speed. Then you introduced him to fresh squeezed orange juice, and by the look of ecstasy on his face your grocery bill was going to be going up.

At 10 you picked up your snowshoes from the winter sports desk and made your way to the south lodge to catch the snowcat out to the back country where the show shoeing and cross-country ski trails were.

You reached the cat stop and waved good-bye to the skiers as you followed the trail into the woods. About a half mile later you emerged on the other side in a small meadow. Ayno looked around at the field of snow, brightened up and said, “In the meadow we can build a snowman!” You laughed, “This does seem like the place for it!” “How?” Ayno asked. You put your hands on your hips and surveyed the drifts. “Well, you look for the hardest, most frozen snow you can find, and you make the biggest snowball possible, and then you start rolling it through the snow patting more and more onto it until it’s the size you want. Then you do it again, and stack that one on top of the first one and do it again and make that one the head. Then you decorate it!”

“Ok!” Ayno said as he got to work. You decided to start making the body piece. A couple minutes later, you realized that Ayno was just standing there.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“I am having a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” you asked, concerned.

“This” said Ayno as he reached down and scooped up a handful of snow. You watched as it rapidly melted and ran through his fingers.

“Oh.” You said, realization dawning, “You’re too hot. You’re more than 40 degrees hotter than the average human and your hands don’t get cold. You actually melt the snow before you can pack it.”

He looked disappointed and irritated. “It’s ok Ayno” you soothed “At least I know I will never freeze to death with you. How about if I build it and you can decorate it?”

“No, it is too much to do alone.”

“Ok, how about if we make a mini snowman? We can use the piece I started as the bottom.”

He considered this for a moment before agreeing.

An hour or so later, you had a very fine, very small snowman. Ayno had found rocks for eyes and a mouth, a pinecone for a nose, and twigs for arms. When you were satisfied, you both laid in the snow next to it and Ayno’s long arms captured your snowman selfie.

You headed off down the trail, when a mischievous idea hit you.

You formed a snowball and pelted it at Ayno. “Hey” he yelled ducking as it hit his shoulder. You made another one and fired again, this one connecting with his back. “Not fair!” He yelled as he tried to run. You laughed and chased after him, scooping up snow and making ammunition as you went. He yelled and ran, as you made several snowballs you began pelting him with.

“Ahhhh!!! Noooo! Stoooop!!” Ayno laughed and whined.

“You know, for a minion of evil with red leathery skin and black wings, you’re awfully soft.” You teased him.

Ayno whirled around and stared at you, his eyes already glowing a bright pink color…he was irritated. “Who told you my wings were black?!”

You arched an eyebrow at him. His irritated overreaction to your teasing was irritating you.

“WHO?!” he demanded, his eyes slowly turning to a deeper shade of hot pink with anger.

You remained unfazed. “Ooohhh…so you have wings.”

Ayno realized that you had just tricked him into revealing something about his demon form, and he growled in anger and turned away from you again. This was getting ugly fast.

Suddenly your buried resentment with Ayno’s unwillingness to be open with you bubbled to the surface. “What else do you have? Horns? Fangs? Forked tongue? Spikes down your back?” you pushed.

Ayno turned and stared at you with eyes turning magenta and anger visible on his face. “Why are you asking these questions?! Why do you even want to know?!”

Although he had raised his voice, the pitch and timbre had dropped- he no longer sounded like Ayno…more like The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

“Because?! I’d like to know something about you! Anything! Who are you really? You tell me you’re a demon, you say that I choose your appearance…well, you must’ve looked like something before I got ahold of you! I’ve never seen a demon before, so show me the beast! Go on Ayno- turn! There’s no one out here- nobody but me will see! It’s not like you’ll be cold…”

He was horrified at the suggestion. “NO! NEVER! This is not for you to see! Ever!!” he raged, his eyes burning almost red, and his voice now 3 octaves lower and with a slight echo – it sounded like something straight out of a horror movie.

You were emboldened by your own frustration and anger, and you knew you should be afraid of him like this; but you were too fascinated at the change these emotions brought about in Ayno.

“Aren’t you bound to me? Don’t you have to do my will? Show me your true form Ayno”, you said authoritatively.

Ayno fixed you with a cold look of defiance. “I have virtually no control over my existence. My Master, my Patrons – you all command me, and I am forced to obey. But this- this one thing- I have control of. And under no circumstances will I show you my true form!”

“Why not?! You realize that I know virtually nothing about you, right? You came into my house through a mirror! And I let you stay…I trust you- although I have no reason to- I just let you into my life. You know things about me…you have met my family…and yet you will tell me nothing about yourself, or show me who you really are”, you spat your words at him as you turned away.  

Ayno slumped down on a fallen tree and put his head in his hands. You watched him for a few moments before coming over and sitting near him.  You sat in strained silence- still angry, but wanting so badly to reach out to him- to touch him and bridge the gap between the two of you. It felt like an eternity passed before he spoke, but you were relieved that his voice was almost normal when he did, although he continued looking at the ground.

“In my life, I have often been made to look handsome or rugged, but I have only been ‘beautiful’ a few times. You have made me so beautiful. I see the way people look at me- how they smile, and respond to my smile, treat me favorably …I hear heartbeats quicken and smell pheromones surge when I get near. I like this feeling… I like being pretty and well built. But more than this, I like the way you look me. There is kindness, tenderness and affection in your gaze and your touch. My true form is hideous and frightening –  I am supposed to be like this- it is appropriate for a demon and I am not ashamed of it – but I am so afraid that it would be something that- how do you say it? You could “not unsee it”? …and you would never look at me the same again. I do not want you to look upon me with fear and pity, and to shrink away and refuse my touch. I …I think that might break me… I do not know how I would recover…” He dropped his head to his elbows and wrapped his forearms around his head.

There was a long silence where the only sounds to be heard were the wind in the pines, and the stuttered breaths of Ayno’s soft sobs. You weren’t sure what to say or how to comfort him: you felt badly for making him hurt like this, but not sorry for forcing the subject into the open.

“I’m sorry Ayno. I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you angry.”

Finally, he spoke again, “I am not angry with you. I understand that you have almost no knowledge of my kind or the place from which I come. I know you are curious, and just want to know and understand me. Thank you for this – I appreciate that you are interested in me and want to learn.” He paused, “I am sorry that I yelled at you. I was…frightened. Asking questions about my appearance caught me off guard; and made me afraid that you had been visited by someone- or something- else.” He took a deep breath and turned to face you, “If you will promise never to ask me to show my true form again, I will promise to truthfully answer any questions you have; with the understanding that if I tell you I cannot or will not answer, it is not because I am keeping a secret, it is to keep you safe.”

You nodded. “I can live with that.”

“Can you still live with me?” he asked cautiously, his eyes not meeting yours.

“Oh, Ayno…” you said gently as you climbed into his lap and wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly. You lifted his puffy tear stained face to look at you.  “Of course I want you. Yes, ok, you are a demon- but you are my demon, you are my boyfriend. Every relationship takes work because every relationship has issues…ours are just a little unique. It’s still about both parties caring so much for the other person that you are willing to talk, and compromise, and find solutions instead of just giving up. …and I am not giving up.” Your heart was pounding in your ears- you were sure he could hear it. “I want this Ayno. I want you…I want us.” Your admission terrified you…you thought of all your failed relationships...and that he had never actually had one.

He pulled you back into his arms and held you tightly. “I am scared too. But in my whole existence, I have never wanted anything more than I want to be with you.” You squeezed him tighter. You sat like this for awhile, letting the last of your anger dissipate and allowing the weight of your admissions to soak in.

Eventually you reluctantly broke away from each other and decided to head back down the trail to the cat stop so you could return to the lodge and get ready for the party. As you walked down the trail hand in hand, Ayno took a deep breath and asked, “What do you want to know?”

You thought for a moment. “Do you really have black wings?”

“Yes.”

“Are they big? Can you use them – like can you fly?”

“Yes, and yes.”

“Really? That’s cool.” You paused as you assimilated the knowledge. “Do you have horns?”

Ayno hesitated slightly, “Yes.”

“What are they like?? Where are they??” you asked in wonder.

“Medium? They are smooth, and black, and they have a twist. They are on my head, where else would they be?”

You gave a small laugh “Well, yeah, but top? Side?”

Ayno stopped walking, took your hands and placed them on his head looking at you meaningfully. “Am I touching your horns??” you asked.

“Yes. Your fingers are resting on them.”

“Can you fee-“

“Yes. Everything is still there- you just can’t see it…it morphs to fit inside my human shape”, he explained.

“Oh. So, is this your normal height?”

“No. I am about…” he looked up, muttering softly in a language you did not recognize as he did mental calculations, “roughly 10 ft tall.”

“Really? Wow.”

He shrugged. “Like I said, I am big and scary. I think I am rather attractive as demons go, but I am still generally considered hideous to humans.”

“Not this one. I think you sound pretty awesome.”

Ayno just chuckled and shook his head at you.

*          *          *

When you got out of the shower, Ayno was still laying naked in bed, wrapped in the tousled sheets, drawing something with a ball point pen on the hotel stationary. You stood towel drying your hair, looking at his work. “What is that?”

He looked up at you and smiled faintly, “Self-portrait.”

You took the paper and examined the rough sketch. Nodding you said “Very nice! You have a tail? Where do you put that?”

He looked up at you and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You burst out laughing.

“I see! Well, I think you look menacing and foreboding. I have clearly landed myself an excellent demon.”

He laughed and pulled you down onto the bed, pinning you in place with his torso as brought his mouth to yours in a passionate kiss.

“Stop that!” you laughed against his lips “I just got out of the shower!”

“But I find that I like make-up sex…”

“We already had make-up sex. You only get make-up sex after a fight. This would just be sex”, you laughed.

“Hmmm. Then I will be happy without make-up sex, because I do not like fighting with you.”

“Agreed. C’mon- let’s get ready. We can do this as much as you want after the party.”

“Ok. …I hope it is a short party…” he murmured.

You couldn’t agree more.

[goblin-gardens]

Gob Or Not? An Extremely Scientific Examination Of The Mighty Nein

A couple weeks ago, as an attempt to lure my friend Grim into Critical Role, I made a Goblin Inventory of the M9. this post is an updated survey of the team, slightly reformatted, mostly to be more accurate to my current understanding of the characters (as of Episode 58) and also funnier.

Abstract:

The goals of the initial report were two-fold. First, to examine the differences between being a member of the goblin species and Being Goblin, and second to determine whether Nott The Brave was truly the most Goblin of the group. The first findings showed that Nott scored a 40 out of 77 on the Goblin Scale, not an especially high score and far from the highest in the group. While the conclusions of this survey are not wildly different, the key to Science is repeating your experiments and coming up with not-exactly-identical findings, and doing this roughly a billion times and then you can say that you’re Probably Right (Most Of The Time).

The Goblin Quotient is determined by quantifying, on a scale of 0-11, how fully a person embodies each of the 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Goblins. These are, 1) Collection Of Crap, 2) Chaos, 3) Minionhood, 4) Gooey Center, 5) Laser Pointer Focus, 6) Furious Devotion, and 7) Hideous Cackling.

the full text of this very serious academic paper is under the cut and not behind a paywall.

1) Collection Of Crap

Top scorer, Caleb Widogast As a wizard, Caleb has purposefully immersed himself in Collecting. He is constantly filling his pockets with spell components including, but by no means limited to, sulfur, molasses, honeycomb, bits of copper wire, and literal bat shit. it’s all just. in his pockets. being slimy. Other Caleb Collections include: Books, Paper, Friends, Magic, and Pain. unfortunately, he still has not collected a fantasy therapist to help him KonMari some of it into healthier boxes. Nott’s new form has upped her Collecting habits, but this is a fundamental hobby of Veth’s. This quells some uncertainty about how much of this is truly Her. turns out, lots! (Runners up: Jester, with the animals and haversack of holding, Nott, with the buttons. Special mention: Fjord, with his balls.) Lowest Scorer, Yasha: a 6 of 11 ain’t shabby, but it’s not much compared to the others. This might be due to her having had less screen time, but she does tend to travel light.

Trait The Second) Chaos.

Top scorer, Jester Lavorre: The M9 are a pretty Chaotic group, but Jester is the only one who’s built a religion out of chaos. She’s a high priestess of drawing dicks on things. Her magic powers come from a divine mandate to fuck shit up. Pets (to which she has added Yarnball) up the chaos meter, and their virtually indestructible plot armor means they’re not going anywhere execpt maybe home wth Yeza. In general, Jester’s childhood in the Lavish Chateau was sort of like a pandora’s jack in the box getting wound tighter and tighter and tighter past all physical comprehension, and though the lid has been lifted, the spring is only just starting to sproing. we haven’t even reached the Zenith yet! After seeing some more of Veth and Yeza, it’s clear they’re not the most sedate of couples. Some eyebrows have definitely gotten singed in the Brenatto lab. However, since they aren’t the ones who burned it to the ground, a bit of Safe Science Techniques have to at least be assumed. (Runner up: Molly, with the egg dick incident) Lowest scorer, Beau: She’s not settling down, but she is… settling. Beau does her share of the check-ins, and has made the highest number of Agreements To Not Be Assholes Together. She might be in the running for mom friend??

C) Minionhood.

Top scorer, Fjord “No-Name” Swordvjore. In CR, goblins are not often leaders. They will work together to target weaker and easy opponents, but aren’t typically masterminds. They aren’t prone to individual heroism and rarely, if ever, go out of their way to save a friend. In their villages, little value is placed on familial relationships or education, they’re not big team players, and everyone has a terrible sense of humor. So how does Fjord factor into this? By showing the other side of the coin, like how tactics that don’t rely on using yourself as canon fodder are more successful, or like how the power of friendship and diverse skill sets makes your team stronger. Nott is not much of a follower, though she is an aggressive supporter. Though both these green kids were outcasts when they were younger, finding love with Yeza, stating a family and running a business has given Veth a strong sense of what she wants, and it’s not to be a leader or a follower. (runners up: Caduceus Clay, committed WildMinion and Jester, Travelerite) Lowest scorer, Caleb Widogast. He’s had his brush with Minionhood and the further and safer from it he feels, the more he wants revenge.

Four) Gooey Center Top scorer, Yasha Nydoorin. The Gooey Center is protected by a spiky, brittle, intimidating, crunchy, and/or off putting exterior.  Yasha is our big, scary, tenderhearted wlw. our giant soft-hearted, angelic, full-of-boiling-murderous-rage, lightning-punching, funeral-not-having runaway who loves her wife and makes us cry. she shaves her arms with her sword. she uses books in non-traditional ways. she vanishes into the night sometimes in a very mysterious and tragic manner. she is our most Romantic player character, and she is super ripped and super queer, which are all aspirational goblin qualities. in practice, most goblins connect with their gooey center by being squished by someone like Yasha, maybe with a giant hammer. Nott does more to protect others’ feelings than her own, really. Poking at her sore spots makes her stab at yours, but she’s pretty up front about how she feels. When actually fighting, she’s proven to be pretty adept at not being hit. (runners up: Caleb, glass canon with a very crunchy exterior, Fjord, known horc twunk, Caducues, mystery boy, and Molly, who rudely showed us just how how close that center can be to the surface) Lowest scorer: Nott! She’s actually…. Relatively well adjusted? Has emotional intelligence?

5️⃣) Laser Pointer Focus Top scorer: Caduceus Clay. Related to Minionhood, this is the aspect of Goblinry that the leader uses to achieve goals. the dogged focus of a True Goblin is powerful and direct, but can be redirected with the proper pressure or leadership, or lost when a cause or leader is not compelling enough or doesn’t provide adequate payment. the Laser Pointer Focus has an investigatory aspect as well, gathering little bits of info from every which way in moments, though the information gathered is rarely put to use immediately. Caduceus, who sees all but doesn’t always act on it, and is content to support the Nein and follow their meandering path to his goal, checks many of these boxes. Nott knows exactly what she wants in life, which is her old life. She knows how to get it, which is to keep Caleb alive until he can learn a powerful enough spell. The difference between her pursuit of her goal and Caduceus’s lies in the fact that this isn’t a Hero’s Quest for her, with no Tests of Character or Symbolic Goals set or arbitrated by an outside force. (runners up: Fjord, spiritually chasing a laser pointer at all times, Jester, whose laser pointer always points at chaos. Special mention: Frumpkin) Lowest scorer: Beau. Maybe she’s still figuring out what her driving forces are. She knows what they aren’t, but Not Being The Same Type Of Shitty As My Dad isn’t a full thesis. She’s dedicated to protecting her friends, but until we see exactly what it is that she defines herself in opposition to (ie. get that sweet sweet Loregard) her intentions might remain a bit fuzzy around the edges.

VI) Furious Devotion Top scorer: Beauregard Lionett. Also going hand in hand with Minionhood (Minionhood has two hands), this is the trait that makes goblins actually willing to die in battle against adventurers and town guards and shit. It doesn’t require any comfort with or willingness to follow authority, it’s the more feral side of love that is reigned in by Minionhood in true Goblins. this is the part of the Goblin that drives the Collecting of Crap because it genuinely loves all the shit it finds. Beau is a prime example of this trait, especially because as she gets more and more invested in a person or ideal, her willingness to let go, even in the face of likely death, decreases dramatically. see episode 55 for reference, among others. she also has a rather Goblinish inability to effectively communicate the depths of her feelings, though this is sort of an aspect of her defense of her Gooey Center and something she’s actively working on. Now here’s something Nott’s got. So much love. More love than can be contained by one family. Angry love, protective love, throw-all-the-dishes-on-the-floor-in-a-pile love. Draw the dragon’s attention so her friend she’s had for less than a day can get away love. She can and will sacrifice herself for the people she cares about. (runners up: Nott, whomst loves, Yasha, very good at using the Fury to pursue the Devotion, Jester, whose love is so powerful it brings people back from the dead, and Caleb, even less able to discuss his feelings than Beau) Lowest scorer: Fjord. This does NOT mean he doesn’t love his friends, or that he’s not sometimes very angry, but they aren’t connected. He’s still keeping everyone at arm’s length, tbh. Again, this is something that will be easier to judge with more backstory.

and finally 7) Hideous Cackling Top Score: Mollymauk Tealeaf. This is what a Goblin does when surveying their Collection of Crap and the Chaos they have caused. This is how they communicate with fellow Minions in the know, how they react to seeing someone else’s Gooey Center, to catching the Laser Pointer. This is the easiest way to express their feelings of Devotion. The Hideous Cackle of a True Goblin is un-selfconscious and entirely for the benefit of the Cackler. Cackling Hideously is an act of self love. You can find your goblin group by listening to the Discordant Chorus made by Cackling together, and when you’re all reveling in the cacophony, there you are. It’s a little hedonistic and a little punk and a little queer, disregarding conventional expectations of beauty or family or polite behavior, and all about diving deep into the things that you are and the things that make you happy. An extremely Molly philosophy, truth be told. Nott Cackles, sometimes. More since Yeza is back. Unclear whether this arc ending in safe Brenatto Boys will leave her more prone to Cackling, or if she’ll miss them and be too sad :( (runner up: Jester, gleeful agent of chaos) Lowest scorers: Caleb and Fjord. Part of their higher charisma is being careful with their words and presentation. A truly Hideous Cackle doesn’t have time to be self conscious.

And now, the rankings themselves!

Nott The Brave Collection of Crap– So. Many. Buttons.  10/11 Chaos– FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRRRRRR!  8/11 Minionhood– Eh. She’s more of a supporter than a follower.  3/11 Gooey Center–  She’s not particularly secretive about her feelings or opinions 4/11 Laser Pointer Focus–  Her main goals are all inwardly motivated and have not changed during the campaign.  3/11 Furious Devotion– Her love is extremely powerful.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Reunited with her husband, she has felt freer to Cackle, she also seems to appreciate her current job a lot  6/11 total score: 44/77

Caleb Collection of Crap– keeps everything in his pockets except for his cat, which is in his heart.  11/11 Chaos– Absolutely creates it, and is starting to revel in it.  6/11 Minionhood– Formerly a Minion, he is now hellbent on the destruction of the System. Good for him.  0/11 Gooey Center– Easily smashed by any large or medium-sized hammer, but maintains staunch denial of inner Gooeyness.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Has goal, will travel. Difficult to redirect.  5/11 Furious Devotion– Slow to accept his own devotion, but very committed once he has.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Having friends and talking about his feelings is good for him. He’s getting better at this. 3/11 total score: 43/77

Yasha Collection of Crap– A whole book of pressed flowers!  6/11 Chaos– She doesn’t really revel in it :/.  5/11 Minionhood-- Serves a higher power and follows along the decisions of others in the group, even when not super enthused about them, like going to Xhorhas.  8/11 Gooey Center– All the Gooeyer for being well protected, and though her emotional walls are not the most formidable in the party, the amount of protected feeling was unexpected  11/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Loyal to two guides, the Stormlord and the M9, though the Stormlord can pull her easily away from the group.  9/11 Furious Devotion– Very very angry.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– Could stand to be a bit more open about it.  4/11 Total score: 53/77

Fjord Collection of Crap– Collection is limited in scope and volume, but high in Strangeness.  8/11 Chaos– a troublemaker, for sure and certain.  7/11 Minionhood– Literally A Minion right now, summons demonic minions on occasion.  11/11 Gooey Center– Desperately wants somebody, anybody, to tell him he’s doing a Good Job. Adamantly refuses to admit that.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– this man cannot resist pushing buttons, be they physical, emotional, or likely to end the word.  10/11 Furious Devotion– He is angry, but it’s not focused. To get more points here, he needs to be less angry at himself.  3/11 Hideous Cackling– too self conscious! loosen up! needs to Cackle in his own voice.  3/11 total score: 50/77

Beau Collection of Crap– Wants to know everything, is building a family. Some points lost for minimalist monk aesthetic.  8/11 Chaos– Aspiring member of Nott the Best Detective Agency, punches people to learn about them. BUT she is apparently a Voice Of Reason, which makes it harder. 4/11 Minionhood– would destroy me for even suggesting it.  1/11 Gooey Center– just! wants! everyone! to! get! along!  7/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Is becoming a moral compass?  2/11 Furious Devotion– JUST! WANTS! EVERYONE! TO! GET! ALONG!  11/11 Hideous Cackling– Tries too hard to be cool. Like yeah, she is cool, but she tries too hard to make sure people know.  5/11 total score: 38/77

Molly Collection of Crap– Behold the coat. 8/11 Chaos– He has that certain je ne se quois.  10/11 Minionhood– The Moonweaver in not a fan of her followers following anyone’s orders. also he has his own minions and doesn’t want them  3/11 Gooey Center-- Loves openly and without reservation. and also……………………  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Molly’s focus is loving his friends and knowing fuck all.  5/11 Furious Devotion– Found a tall sad lady and made his circus adopt her. gives money to orphans.  7/11 Hideous Cackling– Genuinely personified this action for two years.  11/11 total score: 52/77

Jester Collection of Crap– In addition to being the Holder Of The Bag, she also collects doughnuts and cool shit. While most of her random shit has potential uses, it’s also a whole lot of random shit. Some of its weasels.  10/11 Chaos– Spreading discord is a religious mandate for her. Her powers come from chaos.  11/11 Minionhood– A champion of the Yes And, she is more likely to voice her opinion of an existing plan than come up with her own. She is definitely a better minion than the Traveler’s other ONE.  10/11 Gooey Center– Physically well-defended, she has the luxury of wearing her heart on her sleeve. 6/11 Laser Pointer Focus– It might seem like she’s easily distracted, but that’s actually because her surface level attention is secondary. her primary goal is actually Fucking Shit Up, and she’s good at it. 7/11 Furious Devotion– Gets attached and does. not. let. go.  10/11 Hideous Cackling– The end goal of practically everything Jester does is Cackling With The Traveler, and she often succeeds.  10/11 total score: 64/77

Caduceus: Collection of Crap– Dude has a swarm of bugs living in his staff, and his backpack is full of tea.  8/11 Chaos– NOT a fan of stuff that disrupts the proper order of nature, but he is developing a wonderful and unique sense of humor. 5/11 Minionhood– Of all the M9, Caduceus has the strongest adherence to an ironclad and pre-written set of ethics and willingness to follow the path a greater power has laid out for him.  10/11 Gooey Center– Encourages everyone else to talk about their feelings, yet doesn’t talk about his own in the same way. Mysterious. 7/11 Laser Pointer Focus– Has a well-defined goal, but not a well defined path. 11/11 Furious Devotion-- You can’t be On A Quest To Save Your Home (And The World?) if you’re not devoted to your home. However we haven’t seen the fury? Structured devotion is different and not exactly Goblin. 5/11 Hideous Cackling– Cackling is a bit more intense than what he does, but he’s on the right track. 5/11 total score: 51/77

final ranking (out of 77)

38, Beau 👊

43, Caleb 🐱

44, Nott 🏹

50, Fjord 🗡️

51, Caduceus 🐞

52, Molly 🎴

53, Yasha ⚡

64, Jester 🦄

All in all, a pretty Goblin Group, and Nott, the only one who is physically a goblin, is not even in the middle of the pack. Clearly, true Goblin Spirit is something else all together. 

It seem that perhaps the True Goblin Was The Friends We Made Along The Way. also Jester.

[official-alan-dabiri]

First, and most importantly, Unstoppable effects now prevent and remove blind. This is absolutely the most important change, and deserved to be first on the notes.

Oh, also last hitting minions now automatically collects their experience globe. Minor change. Don’t worry about it.

In order to keep the tank meta fresh, we’re nerfing Johanna and buffing Anub’arak. The specifics don’t matter. All that matters is fuck Johanna, start picking Anub. Don’t ask questions. Just let the meta bend to our whims.

It turns out that deathwing is kind of oppressive to deal with. Even though he is almost useless into his numerous hard counters, failure to draft around him (or to plan for him in Quick Match) means that all enjoyment of the enemy team BURNS BENEATH THE SHADOW OF MY WINGS.

It turns out Thrall has another level 1 talent besides Echo of the Elements and Crash Lightning. We honestly didn’t notice. As such, we saw the opportunity to turn the talent into another Deathwing counter.

Does Twin Blades Varian still exist? Sources say that they haven’t been rendered entirely extinct. As such, making an adjustment to the level 20 Twin Blades upgrade will finish them off. Why would a buff kill off Twin Blades mains? Because it means they aren’t picking Glory To The Alliance, which is an enormous power spike for their team.

We just remembered that Yrel exists. Honestly, can you blame us for forgetting? Like, even the WoW writers forgot about her, and she was supposed to be important. So we have given her some modest buffs, including a level 16 power spike.

Auriel is fine right now, but she only has one heroic option. Aegis is better in every respect. As such, Resurrect is overdue for some minor buffs, because we need more people picking this trap talent to drive her back down in winrate.

Brightwing received the best skin in the game last patch, but only saw a moderate pickrate increase. As such, we put her on the patch notes just so that people would pick her a few times to test the new changes before BEING CONVERTED TO BRIGHTWING MAINS BECAUSE HOLY SHIT DEATHWING BRIGHTWING SKIN IS SO FUUUUCKING CUUUUUUUUTE.

Uther is not a tank. Stop picking Uther as a tank.

Several patches ago, we buffed Valla’s hit points by literally 5%, and she catapulted from unpickable to top tier. This patch, we’re buffing Illidan’s hit points by 5%. Survey says...?

We’ve had a minor Samuro rework in the pipeline for literally a year. That’s why we never touched Merciless Strikes even though it was bugged; we were waiting for the rework to be done. Unfortunately, the EXP globe changes turned him from a niche galaxy brain onetrick goofball hero into a hyper meta nightmare, and so the rework has to come now. YES WE FINISHED TESTING IT YES ITS FINE DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT BLADESTORM 25 SECOND COOLDOWN IS ON PURPOSE.

Cho and Gall have been in the nexus for a long time without any attention, and so power creep has left them in the dust. Despite being two heroes in one, they actually have lower HP totals than a handful of other heroes, and they’re overdue some attention. Cho now has more ability to escape and reposition, and Gall has gotten some major talent adjustments, allowing him to exercise battlefield control more in line with other mages in the meta.

Greymane and Uther had a serious problem with talent diversity at level 20. There was only one choice for both of them. So we’re giving ABSOLUTELY BONKERS BUFFS to the rest of their 20 tier. Please follow the signs towards talent diversity in an orderly fashion.

Thing of the Deep was too versatile a talent. It fit in with every existing build, and in many cases surpassed the build-appropriate level 1 choice even when going fully into toads or spiders. As such, goodbye talent versatility, hello talent diversity!

Roach and Baneline Zagara too good. Autoattack Zagara not good enough. Autoattack Zagara buffed. Yay buffs.

[anghraine]

pro patria, chapters 64-70

...anyway.

I’d have liked at least some input from the queen’s representative. But no—Logan had come to observe, and likely to prevent any fights from breaking out—and perhaps because he was my closest ally and friend. I was the queen’s representative.

title: pro patria (64-70/?) stuff that happens: Althea and Ihan track the missing Seraph and discover his connection with a dead pirate seer, and Althea has to decide how to pursue the lead. In the meanwhile, she takes a soothing walk around Divinity's Reach that quickly turns troubling.

verse: Ascalonian grudgefic characters/relationships: Althea Fairchild, Agent Ihan; Lionguard Keene, Scholar Josir, Crusader Hiroki, Logan Thackeray, various Divinity's Reach residents; Althea & Ihan, Althea & Logan chapters: 1-7, 8-14, 15-21, 22-28, 29-35, 36-42, 43-49, 50-56, 57-63

-

SIXTY-FOUR 1 Kellach was last seen heading northeast from Lychcroft Mere. Accordingly, I went home to prepare for another journey—Mother only sighed—and jumped from Divinity’s Reach to Overlake Haven. Ihan had told me to contact one of the Lionguards there, a man by the name of Keene. I had actually met him before. During my survey of Giant’s Passage, I’d stopped to add the haven to my map, and held a few conversations with the Lionguards posted there. I didn’t know if he’d remember me or not, but he’d been so twitchy that it stuck in my memory. He hadn’t explained it at the time—just asked if I was there for apples, of all things. 2 Either he did recognize me or he had a good description; as soon as Keene set eyes on me, he drew me aside and muttered, “Ihan told me you’d be coming. He said to tell you that the bird flew from here to Black Haven. Does that mean anything to you?” I paused, not entirely relinquishing my innate suspicion. “How do you know Ihan?” “We served together in Lion’s Arch a few years ago.” Keene coughed and said, “He … moved on.” 3 Evidently. I never would have imagined Ihan as a Lionguard. “I stayed on to serve the Commodore,” Keene added. All the facts were in his favour; Ihan himself had directed me to Keene. I relaxed a little, and asked, “So you aren’t a member of the …?” “Nah,” said Keene. “I just help them out from time to time.” 4 “They’re in it for all of us, right?” True enough, but they weren’t the easiest organization to help. I considered him with considerably greater respect. Now I understood why he was so high-strung, even if I still had no idea why he’d been talking about apples. A hasty excuse, maybe. “Makes sense to me,” I said. “Thanks—I’ll give your regards to Ihan.” 5 I found Ihan skulking outside of Black Haven, much more unobtrusively than Logan had. “Hello, Advocate,” he said, voice pitched so low I could barely hear him. “You got here just in time. My contacts have spotted Kellach—and a host of Zhaitan’s minions are following him.” Just like that? “You know a lot, Ihan,” I told him. “It’s like you have eyes and ears everywhere.” 6 He didn’t quite smile, but his mouth curved a little. “The Order of Whispers knows a lot more than most people realize. We pay attention to everything. The more information we have, the more we can help.” I nodded. As with Keene, that made perfect sense. “The dragons don’t care if you’re Charr, human, or hylek,” he went on, “so we can’t afford to draw imaginary lines between nations.” 7 That did not make perfect sense. Hylek were one thing. The Charr, who had dedicated two hundred years to wiping out my people, were quite another. “The Order keeps watch,” said Ihan, “so that no matter where Zhaitan’s minions show up—we know about it.” Of course, I told myself, the Order couldn’t simply blind themselves to what the Charr were doing; just because they played nice didn’t mean they were on their side. They used the Charr like they used us all. That, I could understand. SIXTY-FIVE 1 “This one was easy,” Ihan told me. “Kellach is leaving a trail like a forest fire, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to find the spark.” “True,” I agreed. “So do you think he’s still here?” Ihan shrugged, the gesture barely visible in the shadows. “I can’t say. And for the record, that’s ‘I don’t know,’ as opposed to ‘I can’t tell you.’” 2 “I’m hoping the people at the haven can tell us something,” he concluded. I wondered just how often the Order hung plans on hope. If so—well, I understood that, too. We had to hang onto something, didn’t we? “All right,” I said, as decisively as I knew how, “we’ll clean up Kellach’s mess and see if we can find evidence that he’s still in the area.” As with Hiroki, it belatedly occurred to me that I might not be in charge of the mission, as such. Oh, well. 3 For all his talk of caution, Ihan turned out to be perfectly ready to leap into action when the occasion called for it. His footsteps pounded just behind me as we rushed to the aid of Black Haven—and I had magic accelerating mine. At first, the battle against the Risen hordes seemed very little different from the one in Lychcroft Mere, except fought on dry ground, and backed by an armed fortress instead of a quickly constructed bunker. Ihan was not quite the force of nature that Hiroki had been, but I hadn’t expected him to be; neither was I. I felt rather better about it, really, until a brief pause came. Ihan, the Lionguards, and I stopped to catch our breath—and then a guard above us shouted, “We’ve got abominations! Take ’em down!” 4 What in all the hells was an abomination? I quickly found out. Two creatures marched towards us, both of them at least twice Logan’s height and breadth. They actually wore armour, oddly pieced together—and indeed, they seemed oddly pieced together themselves, misshapen walls of bone and flesh carted about on narrow, thick-footed legs. Each carried an enormous spiked club in his rotting fist, had skulls and spikes clustering around his neck and down his back, and each stalked inexorably on, sending Lionguards flying with casual swings of the clubs. I set my jaw. If there was any time for someone fast and confusing, it was now. 5 I spawned three clones on the spot and nearly staggered, but managed to hold firm. I faded myself into my clones and launched myself after the abominations, ducking under their slow arms and hoping the aether coursing through my sword would be strong enough to block their swings. It was, if only just; I slipped while ducking, raised my sword, and saw it flash purple light just as the club came smashing down. It hurt, I couldn’t deny that, but it was a dull, sore pain, far less than I expected from the force of the blow—which otherwise could easily have killed me. I sprang up, imagined a hundred times as many Lionguards as were actually present, and blasted the image at the abomination. He floundered, swinging his club wildly, hitting the floor as often as he came anywhere near to an actual person. Several Lionguards realized what I’d done and sprang into action, piercing his legs until he came crashing down, and then stabbing their swords into his vulnerable neck. 6 We all joined the attack on the other abomination, and he went down faster than the first. Gods, was this what the Orders dealt with everyday? No wonder the Order of Whispers tried to find other ways. It must be a nightmare to just constantly fling yourself in the way of these things, or to dissect how they functioned—which I, at least, really did not want to know. “I owe you one!” said the Lionguard who had first sighted the abominations. “I’ve been in the Lionguard for ten years and I’ve never seen anything like that.” “I’m glad we came along in time,” I said. 7 What would have happened if we hadn’t? I nearly shuddered at the idea of the fort in Risen control. “That was a close call,” I added. “Was there a Seraph soldier among the undead?” Ihan cleaned his sword and dagger with every appearance of nonchalance. I didn’t believe it for an instant. “Not among the Risen, no,” said the Lionguard, “but there was a Seraph that came along just before that.” SIXTY-SIX 1 The Lionguard told us that our Seraph had been wild-eyed, twitchy, and talking to himself all the time, muttering about Orr, dragons, and someone named Alastia Crow. I looked excitedly at Ihan, and he offered a thin smile before pulling me aside. “She’s a seer,” he said. “The pirates in this area go to her to find out what the weather’ll be like. She’s crew on a ship docked near Nebo Terrace. The Order of Whispers contracts her from time to time to predict the future. Maybe she saw something that drove Kellach mad.” 2 Now we were dealing with some pirate clairvoyant? Really? “When we find Kellach,” I said, “I swear, I’m going to stick a bag over his head, beat him with a shovel, and bury him in a hill of fire-ants.” Ihan laughed outright. “I like the way you think, Advocate.” Then he sighed. “I suppose we should get back and share this information with Hiroki and Josir.” 3 “You’re right. Let’s get going—we’ve got a lot of work to do if we’re going to catch Kellach,” I told him, giving up on figuring out who was supposed to be leading whom. On the path to the waypoint, I said, “It’d be nice to solve this problem without risking more lives. Can the Order of Whispers do that?” Not risking lives didn’t seem their specialty. “It depends on what Kellach does next,” said Ihan, “but regardless, we’ll use all our cunning to stop him.” That, I thought, was probably the best answer I would get out of them. 4 Ihan went straight down the road to wait for the others, while I went home, bathed and changed, and returned to find him, Josir, Hiroki, and Logan gathered and waiting. Well, that was what happened when you asked me to fight the undead. “Alastia Crow had a rare talent for precognition,” Josir was saying. “I wonder what Kellach wanted to know?” “Whatever it was, I think the information drove him mad,” Ihan replied, sounding almost civil. Then he added, “I’m surprised that doesn’t happen to more Priory scholars, too.” “Clearly,” said Josir in icy tones, “the Order of Whispers has no respect for pure research.” 5 Yes, well, pure research had its place, but I still didn’t feel at all sure that that place was war against Elder Dragons. “Althea,” Logan said loudly, “good to see you. How’d your mission go?” I explained that we hadn’t found Kellach, but we’d discovered his connection to Alastia Crow, and wanted to talk to her. “Talk with her?” said Josir. “I’m afraid that’s impossible—she’s dead. Her pirate ship, the Ravenous, was destroyed by an undead attack two days ago.” 6 Dead? Gods, it was like everything that could conceivably go wrong had. “You’re sure she’s dead?” I pressed. “Did any of her crew survive?” Ihan broke in, “Even if she’s dead, Alastia was a seer. She might have seen this coming, and left something behind that we could use.” “A few of her crew are still alive,” Josir told us, “camped near the wreckage of their ship—she might have told them more about what’s going on.” 7 Ihan looked soberly at me. “We need to find out what Kellach wanted from Alastia. Pirates don’t tend to be trusting folk—I think a little nautical infiltration and investigation are in order.” “The Order of Whispers are a shady, disreputable bunch,” said Josir, sniffing. Hiroki, silent thus far, gave a slight smile, and Josir went on, “You and the pirates would get along just fine. I have a better suggestion.” SIXTY-SEVEN 1 “Even if Alastia Crow is dead, she can still be helpful,” said Josir. “I know an accomplished Priestess of Grenth who could summon the pirate’s spirit.” I stared at him. Who could what? Even Ihan looked shocked. “The Durmand Priory’s ‘better suggestion’ is to disturb the dead? You scholars really will turn over every rock to get your answers—even tombstones.” 2 I couldn’t have said it better myself. “Hiroki,” I said, certain that the other two would reach no consensus, “any suggestions from the Vigil?” “None, Advocate,” she replied, squaring her shoulders. “While these two are squirrelling for answers, Vigil soldiers will watch for another undead attack.” “It’s your call, Althea,” said Logan, his expression once again stoic, arms crossed over his chest. “Infiltrate the pirates, or summon Alastia’s spirit?” I really couldn’t tell what he thought—he wasn’t at all inclined towards stealth, yet I couldn’t imagine that he thought well of disturbing the dead, either. 3 But it was my call. Sure enough, when I asked him what he thought, he said, “It’s your decision, my friend. I know you’ll make the right choice.” I appreciated the faith, but I didn’t trust myself nearly as much. I’d have liked at least some input from the queen’s representative. But no—Logan had come to observe, and likely to prevent any fights from breaking out—and perhaps because he was my closest ally and friend. I was the queen’s representative. 4 I gave up on any kind of substantive input from him. Instead, I walked over to Josir, though I doubted that anything he could say could make his proposed plan any easier to contemplate. “Tell me more about what this ritual involves,” I said. “Priestess Rhie is greatly favoured by Grenth,” said Josir. “She can pierce the veil and call Alastia back. It may be dangerous, but we’ll learn a great deal.” “Interesting,” I said weakly. 5 I made my way over to where Ihan stood talking to Hiroki, who seemed less than delighted with the conversation. She looked at me with open relief and marched up to Logan as soon as I greeted them. “Very well, Lady Althea,” said Ihan. “Time to choose.” “Ihan,” I said, “how do you intend to infiltrate?” “Alastia told her crew everything,” Ihan told me. “The hard part will be gaining their trust … but I already have a plan.” 6 It wasn’t really an answer. I would much rather have known what that plan entailed before deciding on it, but I felt sure that I could extract no more out of him until he knew I was on his side. Still, I’d take some unknown plan of Ihan’s over raising spirits any day. “Very well,” I said, “I’m ready to decide.” 7 “Do you want to infiltrate the pirates?” he asked. I’d probably given myself away a half-dozen times. “Whatever Alastia was doing,” I said, “it’s the province of mortals, not gods. I’ll go with you.” Even if he’d expected it, the brightest smile I’d yet seen from him came over his face. “Excellent! I need to prepare—meet me at the Lionbridge Expanse and we’ll take it from there.” SIXTY-EIGHT 1 “We put you in a tough spot,” Ihan said before he left, “but I trust you’re comfortable with your choice?” Comfortable was hardly the word for any of these choices, but I felt no doubts about the route I’d chosen. “Those pirates will have information—and it’ll be current,” I told him. “I like your confidence, Advocate,” said Ihan. “Keep that attitude; it’ll make you a better pirate.” “Good point,” I replied. “See you at the Lionbridge Expanse tomorrow.” 2 Josir was unimpressed, though no more acrimonious than last time. “Must’ve been a difficult decision,” he said. “I hope you’re still certain?” “Don’t worry, Josir,” I assured him. “Ihan and I will get the information from the pirates.” He looked doubtful. “I’ll continue to worry until you return,” he said, “without a knife in your back.” 3 I felt pretty sure that the Order of Whispers’s campaign to fight the dragons didn’t involve attacking their own allies unless absolutely necessary. I also felt sure that little would persuade Josir of the fact. “Fair enough,” I said, laughing. “See you soon.” More out of curiosity than anything else, I stopped by Hiroki and Logan on my way out of our little circle. “Faugh!” said Hiroki. “Bah on these library crawlers and sneak thieves.” 4 Logan’s brows rose. So did mine. “The other orders are wasting time, and people are dying!” Ah. “I understand your frustration,” I said carefully, “but we have to know where to attack.” “I know, I know,” she told us. “But I don’t have to like it.” 5 Clearly not, I thought, but I imagined what Deborah would think of all this. I couldn’t help a burst of sympathy. “Call on me when you have something,” she said, calming a little. “The Vigil will be ready to pitch in again as soon as there’s some real action.” Logan gave her an approving look. “Glad to hear it, Hiroki,” I said. Deborah would definitely like her. 6 I took my leave of them all and headed home. To my relief, my mother had left on business in the Ministry, so I went straight to my personal chambers and flopped onto my bed, exhausted. It was noon. The search remained urgent, but at least Ihan’s preparations gave me time for something other than casting off remnants of undead flesh and stink. Gods, I hoped we could drive them off soon. I’d take bandits any day over these. I remembered the time when I’d thought of little beyond games and dancing and snide responses to particularly obnoxious people, and later, when I’d been Anise’s restless protégée, and even after that, when I'd been a hero wandering around, solving small problems throughout Queensdale—what had my life become? 7 I’d meant to rest, but my head was far too full for sleep; instead, I decided to take a walk around Divinity’s Reach—it was my home, and I’d always loved it, yet it had been a good long while since I’d done more than jump from waypoint to waypoint, always in a hurry for this or that. On my way out of Salma, a familiar merchant grinned at me. “You would not believe how good you are for business,” he said gleefully. “I just have to mention your name and boom! Sales galore!” I couldn’t help but wonder if it was my real name; perhaps people actually knew it, these days. “Happy to keep the wheels of commerce turning,” I said, and gladly returned his smile. SIXTY-NINE 1 I continued strolling around Divinity’s Reach, not bothering with any particular direction. It was as soothing as I’d hoped: the greenery winding up and down pillars and stone and wood, the familiar faces and fashions of my people, the statues of our gods, all the sights and sounds I’d known since I was small. I didn’t go out of my way to eavesdrop, but neither did I avoid overhearing scraps of conversation, and I spoke to people now and then. Several noblemen informed me that they were rich, as if I weren’t; various other people offered friendly greetings; and some started short conversations with me. One woman told me about her distrust of the Ministry Guards and preference for the Seraph and the queen, a man shared his pet theory about Anise’s magic, and another woman returned my polite greeting with, “Can you believe it? I saw Logan Thackeray, and he looked right at me!” “Oh?” I said. 2 “It was brief, and I suppose I could have imagined it, but I’m sure he almost gave me a second look. Or would have.” I thought of Logan, and his total obliviousness to anything not related to the defense of the queen or Kryta, and nearly giggled. Instead, I put on my most sober face. “I’m sure that’s what happened,” I said. She did giggle, and turned to her companion. “He’ll take one look at me across a crowded square and be smitten.” 3 “I can hear wedding bells already,” said the friend dryly. The first woman dropped her voice. “Do you think he’s taken?” Very much so, but I kept my mouth shut. “Who, Logan?” said her friend. The woman’s eyes went wide. “Who else would I be talking about?” 4 “My friend is head over heels for Logan Thackeray,” the second woman confided, while the first peered around, as if he might materialize at any moment. “I noticed,” I said. “He’s all she talks about.” Her long-suffering tone faded. “After all, he’s commendable, and he’s good-looking.” He was both of those things, but I could already tell this wouldn’t go anywhere good—poor Logan! “And those sad eyes of his are very sexy.” 5 “I, uh,” I said. “I have to go. Sorry … um, I ... I just remembered something I have to do. Goodbye.” Well, that was a conversation I could do with never repeating. Still, I grinned once I was out of earshot. Poor Logan indeed. 6 Not all the conversations were pleasant or amusing. As I passed by the gate to Ebonhawke in my visit to Rurikton, I heard a man say disgustedly, “I’m sick of this.” Weren’t we all? “If we had Ebonhawke as a strong ally, we’d have those centaurs surrounded. We’d crush them!” I stiffened up. I might not have seen Ebonhawke since I was a child, but I hadn’t forgotten what I came from. 7 Ebonhawke had fought the Charr for centuries, had seen its people slaughtered over and over while we were coddled in Divinity’s Reach, and idiots here thought they hadn’t done enough? Great Kormir, who did he think he was? The man with him looked unimpressed. “Ebonhawke has its own problems.” Well, maybe it was just the one man, or at least not many. It better be. Ebonhawke’s problems were our problems; how could anyone forget what they fought for? SEVENTY 1 Worse, I saw another Charr on my way to the Central Commons. That was two of them, in Divinity’s Reach! A growl emerged from the Charr’s mouth. “Move!” The various humans around him, far from quailing, just glared up at him. “What’s your problem?” said a man. I couldn’t help but stare. 2 To my astonishment, the Charr didn’t do … much of anything. He just snarled out, “Your thin skin.” “Can’t you just say ‘excuse me’ like anyone else?” said the man. “Fine. ‘Excuse me.’ Now get out of my way!” I’d never heard a Charr speak before. 3 I’d never really thought of them speaking at all, in all honesty, much less doing so with—well, not civility, but at least no immediate threats. The humans stepped aside, satisfied by this much; the Charr stalked past; and nothing at all came of it. I suppressed a shudder and headed back to Rurikton, nearly running straight into the back of a tour guide, who was speaking to a group of young people, between about fourteen and eighteen. Just a little younger than I was, I supposed, but it felt like an impassable gulf. “Some say Ascalon is lost,” the tour guide was saying, and I stopped dead in my path, “that Adelbern’s Foefire and the Charr legions have destroyed our kingdom’s soul. This is simply false.” Damned right it was. 4 I shifted back out of his way, but trailed after the group, pleased and curious. I wasn’t the only one, and he seemed accustomed to it. At the gate, he said, “That gate leads to Ebonhawke, last stronghold of Ascalon. We send food, supplies, and troops to support them. Without that aid, our troops would be completely cut off.” He paused, and glanced over the little Ascalonian crowd he’d attracted. “The Krytans aren’t as tough as we are; they aren’t ready for our kind of war.” 5 I hesitated, not as certain about that, but the guide had already breezed on. “Many of our sons and daughters have gone to fight the Charr. Some return to be cared for in Divinity’s Reach. Some never return.” Several of my cousins wouldn’t, and several more had been injured; the family was still arguing about whether they should be sent here. I thought of Hiroki, too, one of those daughters who went to fight the Charr, but instead found the dragons. It was hard to know which was the better way. 6 I’d once thought of going to Ebonhawke to fight—I’d walked out of Divinity’s Reach to try myself so that I’d be ready for it, someday—and instead I was back in Rurikton, waiting for a spy who openly worked with Charr, in order to stop assaults from Zhaitan. Maybe I’d already chosen my side. Maybe—I’d always tried to honour my ancestors and my people, always, but— “Queen Jennah has been kind to us,” said the guide, “but she’s not our queen.” My attention snapped to him. What? “Even now, Divinity’s Reach is trying to forge peace with the Iron Legion.” 7 I knew that, and I liked it no better than anyone, but that didn’t mean— “I wonder what the Vanguard thinks of that,” he concluded grimly. I knew exactly what the Vanguard thought of that; my cousin Devona was in the Vanguard, and her letter about it had nearly smoked with rage. But if that was what it took to stop the war and keep Ebonhawke, then … and there were the dragons … but it meant giving up, it meant losing nearly all of our home … but ... My head ached; I left the guide and the earnest adolescents following him to their own devices, and split off towards some scholars who looked Priory-ish. They nodded at me, but continued on their own conversation, the first of them saying, “They escaped Ascalon right before the Searing, crossed the kingdom of Kryta, joined and betrayed the White Mantle, and even faced a lich lord!” I felt a prickle of interest; it sounded just like our family stories—and I’d definitely rather think about those than about Charr.

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1) They escaped Ascalon right before the Searing, crossed the kingdom of Kryta, joined and betrayed the White Mantle, and even faced a lich lord: a very concise summary of the first Guild Wars. 

2) it sounded just like our family stories: the GW2 PC can inherit certain items from the GW1 one, so with noble origin, at least, it seems entirely possible that the GW2 PC is part of the same family.

[pretttydemonboy]

Whumptober #2 and #5 - Explosion and Gunpoint

Here is my first @whumptober2019 fic! I technically have prompt #1 done already too, but @leeferal challenged me, so here! Enjoy the death of my beloved Tiefling Ranger Racquel.

Absinthe and Hersha stood on either side of Racquel, forming a triangle as ze held zir hands out and concentrated. The river ran behind the fort, just a few yards ahead of where the trio hid behind a set of boulders. Racquel thought about the water, thought about rising above the waterline, toes dancing across the surface. Ze thought about walking on colored glass. Ze closed zir eyes, and after a few words felt the magic slowly seep out of zir fingertips, swirling around everyone’s feet, granting them the ability to cross the river like it was solid ground.

“Alright, we’re ready,” ze finally whispered, opening zir eyes and looking at the two girls. “Grab the barrel.”

Hersha and Absinthe nodded and they moved as one, grabbing the barrel at their feet and hoisting it above their heads. Racquel led them across the river towards the back of the fort, bow and arrow ready. Fortunately, there didn’t seem to be any guards posted at the back end of the fort. Even if there were, they weren’t going to be a problem for long. As they reached the bank on the other side, Racquel directed Hersha and Absinthe over to the corner where Vars had instructed they place the barrel. All they had to do now was wait for Vars’ signal.

On the other side of the wall was the rest of their party, captured by the sheriff and his greedy minions, and Racquel knew at least ze was ready for a little payback. Ze licked zir lips briefly and then motioned Hersha and Absinthe across the river once again. As they reached the other side, there was a sudden flurry of gunfire at the far end of the fort. There was shouting and faint traces of smoke.

Racquel looked over at zir friends as ze put zir bow away and pulled out zir quarterstaff. “Guess that’s the signal. Hersha, go!”

“Absinthe, don’t look!” Hersha cried before stretching her hands out in front of her. Absinthe turned her head but Racquel watched as Hersha’s eyes flashed, and then the barrel was on fire.

The explosion was deafening. Racquel instinctively grabbed Absinthe and crouched down as it happened, thankful that the river separated them from the worst of it. Jagged pieces of rock splashed into the water and the smoke was now thick and pouring from the corner. Racquel heard even more yelling and as soon as the fire died down enough, ze was back on zir feet.

“Let’s go!”

Racquel didn’t look back to see if Hersha and Absinthe were following. Ze took off across the water and leapt through the smoke and rubble into the central area of the fort. Out of the corner of zir eye, Racquel glimpsed a couple bodies crushed underneath the remains of the explosion, everything visible charred from the fire.

Fewer people, fewer guns. Good.

A quick survey of the space revealed Vars at the front entrance, two guns in his hand and firing as fast as his fingers could pull the trigger. Off to the side was a cell, not unlike the ones they’d been kept in just a few days prior. Xan and Elliana stood inside, looking weary and panicked but otherwise okay. The lack of Atria in the cell with them had Racquel’s blood singing in zir ears and once ze cleared the rubble, ze jumped into the fray.

The fight was a blur. Racquel squared off against one of the lackeys, smacking him upside the head with the staff and trying zir best to dodge the bullets from his gun. A few flew past without hitting anything, but Racquel felt the heat and the sting as one ripped into zir side, tearing flesh and splattering blood into the dirt beneath them. A snarl tore its way through zir throat and Racquel swung the staff around, catching the man square in the jaw. The magic imbued in the staff sent the man flying and when he hit the dirt, there was a crack, and a moment later, blood seeped from beneath his head.

In the distance, Racquel caught glimpses of magic bursting forth from Absinthe’s fingertips. Guns heated and burned hands at Hersha heated the metal, and the trio steadily fought their way towards the cell holding the other two. Racquel spun towards the cell, but it was the movement off to the side that sparked zir interest. Ze took off in a sprint towards the sheriff as he raised his gun and fired.

The bullet ripped through zir armor and struck Racquel in the stomach, just below the scar tissue. 

“Don’t come any closer, or else.”

Racquel bared zir teeth at the sheriff in a feral grin. “Or else what?”

That’s when Racquel saw the sheriff turn and point his gun towards a figure ze hadn’t noticed before. They were strung up on the other side of the cell wall, hands tied above their head. The figure’s face was swollen and bruised beyond recognition, the only defining feature was the twin set of jagged stumps atop their head. A pool of blood collected on the ground just behind them. There was only one logical conclusion to draw, but it was one that made Racquel’s stomach lurch.

“Get the fuck away from her!”

The sheriff pulled the hammer and raised an eyebrow as if daring Racquel to come any closer. Racquel stood frozen, wanting more than anything to run forward and crush the sheriff’s head but not daring to risk Atria taking any more damage than she already had. Ze wouldn’t have thought she was alive were it not for the faint rise and fall of her chest. Atria was alive, but barely.

“Don’t hurt my friends, asshole!”

Hersha’s voice behind Racquel rang out, and then ze saw a flash of wild blonde hair as Hersha rushed forward with her hand outstretched. The sheriff’s body was suddenly unnaturally stiff and Racquel realized immediately that Hersha had trapped him.  Racquel roared and quickly closed the distance remaining between zem and the sheriff, staff once again held up and ready to strike.

For a few moments it was like Racquel was merely training, like the sheriff was a dummy made purely for taking the beatings ze was doling out. Every strike that landed, Racquel felt the dull thud of bones cracking against the staff. Ze ignored everything else around zem; the only thing that mattered was that Racquel dealt enough damage that the sheriff’s face matched Atria’s. Racquel raised zir staff one more time, poised to ram it straight into the sheriff’s broken and bloodied face, when suddenly his body jerked and a shot rang out.

Racquel let out a scream so loud and so tormented that it felt like zir throat was being torn apart from within. Atria’s head jerked with the impact before she slumped to the ground. Tears sprang forth in Racquel’s eyes, stinging and blurring zir vision as they brought the staff forward towards the sheriff’s face. No sooner than the staff connected with his face, another shot rang out and then Racquel was on the ground.

The staff felt from zir hands and Racquel gripped zir side. Zir hands were immediately soaked it hot, sticky blood, zir blood, and it was trickling out of zir mouth. Standing above zem was the sheriff, his smug expression somehow visible beneath the swelling.

For a brief moment, Racquel heard nothing, felt nothing, knew nothing. Then, when ze opened zir eyes, the world was awash in shades of grey. The Ethereal plane. Above zem, the firefight continued, though the sounds were muffled as though Racquel had cotton stuffed in zir ears. Immediately, Racquel clung to zir body, fighting to stay tethered. Ze watched as magic shot through the air and gunfire flashed from all directions, and then Racquel looked over at Xan. The door to the cell was open, and he was throwing his hands out towards Racquel with a fierce and desperate look on his face. Suddenly it became easier for Racquel to hold on. Ze could feel warm energy coursing through zem, and then the sounds of the fight became to come back into focus. Racquel was back, brought forth from the brink by Xan’s healing magic.

Ze didn’t even have a chance to get to zir feet before there was another shot and another burst of pain sent Racquel reeling back towards unconsciousness. As Racquel’s began to fade, ze was just able to see Hersha leap and throw herself at the sheriff, claws and fangs bared like the feral girl Racquel knew her to be.

“Atta girl,” Racquel thought. Ze almost smiled, but ended up coughing up a bit of blood instead.

“I just need to hold on until Xan can heal me again. He’ll see that I’m still down. I’ll get up and help them finish this. We’ll save everyone. We’ll get Atria out of here. We’ll-”

The knife didn’t hurt, Racquel was past that point by then. It felt deeper than pain, like something was being severed, something more than flesh and sinew. Ze couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t feel anything, but still zir hands grasped blindly, trying to pull the knife out.

I’m dying. I’m actually dying.

The world was awash in grey again, but something was different this time. Racquel immediately began to drift away from zir body and ze felt something pulling at zem as ze struggled to hold on.

“No, no, stop. Please, I have to go back. They need me!” Racquel cried out, hanging on to zir body.

Glancing over zir shoulder, Racquel saw a hole, a rift that had opened up and through the rift ze could see a familiar sight. The Astral plane stared back at zem and continued its efforts to pull zem in. Racquel looked over towards Xan, busy taking care of one of the last henchman alongside Elliana and Absinthe. At the other end, Hersha’s head snapped up from the sheriff’s throat and Racquel watched her spit out blood and flesh while he lay unmoving beneath her.

Xan, Hersha, please! Fuck, come on!

Racquel’s cries went unheard. The pull from the Astral Plane grew ever stronger, and soon zir precarious hold on life began to loosen until ze was suddenly hurtling backwards towards the rift. At the last minute, Racquel caught sight of Vars, barrels of his guns still smoking as the fight finally subsided, and was reminded of Gruff. Ze couldn’t feel anything anymore, but ze could sense the moment zir heart broke, and it was when ze thought of Gruff, never getting to say goodbye. 

[aspected-benefic]

Prompt #5: Vault

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast

As elders often said to the younger folk, "You haven't lived long enough." More in the context of, what Ash had assumed, to be about one's knowledge of life. Despite these heeded warnings, however, Ash felt as though he had lived just long enough to see patterns in behaviours and situations.

One lesson Ash had learned to take to heart since day 1: expect the unexpected.

One moment, Ash Lawrence had been on a leisurely stroll. Quiet, tranquil, nothing but a crisp breeze and the sound of the ocean waves to accompany him. The next thing he knew, he had jumped into the fray of a wild bandit case. Ash's starting contribution? A precise and well-timed shot to the back of one bandit's feet. Said ruffian crashed to the ground, curled up and wincing in pain. While some of the yellowjackets proceeded in bounding up their pray, the other three with their leader included already made off in the grand distance.

"Apologies for getting you caught up in this mess, adventurer," said one of the yellowjackets, "but thanks for yer help all the same."

"Save your thanks until after we catch them." said Ash.

Rather than attack blindly, Ash fell upon his natural instincts and first surveyed the situation and area. One large ruffian in the middle and two gangly, lesser dressed minions on either side. It didn't take a genius to guess that the one in the middle was the target in question. Still, judging by the fact that a couple of the yellowjackets had taken their time to apprehend the injured bandit, the entire gang was the target. Not just the leader. A network, most likely. Ash wouldn't have been surprised if this motley crew had some more hands hiding in the wakes. On top of all this, with the unfortunate positioning of the guards in front of Ash and not the way around, the machinist would most likely fire an accidental few rounds of friendly fire. Standing and aiming was one thing. Running and aiming? Another.

The bandits veered around into civilization. Ash's instincts had proven correct. Not only did the bandits have more options to hide from the plethora of narrow alleyways, had this group possessed more hands in the making, Ash and his his escort of authorities would have an ambush waiting for them. To make matters worse, ever since the bandits lost one of their own, the remaining few suddenly gained newfound speed. Ash waved his hands to summon the wind around him and his allies - an ability he had learned as a Bard. Yet, the bandits had a head start and soon, just as Ash had predicted, both Ash and the company he was with lost sight of their targets.

But not for long.

"Over there!" One of the guards pointed to a narrow alleyway.

To think that these order of events moved just as Ash had anticipated. Predictably so.

And in another predictable moment, just as Ash and the yellowjackets veered around the corner, they caught sight of the bandits, only to see the last of them crawl over a tall, conveniently placed wall. Ash fired at the bandit, but his bullet collided not with his intended target, but the tail end of a rope, which slunk over the top of the wall and beyond.

The yellowjackets came to a halt. The roegadyn marauder clicked his tongue. "Dammit!" he growled. He attempted to scale the wall, but without any significant ledges atop its smooth, brick surface, and with the buildings on either side too far from each other, scaling without a rope was no option.

"Is there any way we can get around this wall?" Ash asked.

The miqo'te yellowjacket - the one who had pointed out the alleway - shook her head. "Repairs be goin' on here. 'n they knew it. Th' only way around be all th' way around th' damn lot, 'n by th' time we do that, they'd be sailin' off into th' great beyond."

Ash looked up at the wall. At least twelve yalms high. No way the group could scale the wall in time. The bandits had predicted this much of course as indicated by the rope. And, in ordnance with the law of the unlucky, all options had been blocked off.

Or, so everyone thought. One option remained: one that Ash thought he would never have to consider again.

He could... jump over the wall.

No...

Ash felt his body twitch. He felt his chest tighten and his heart beat faster. His mind flooded his senses with memories of times before. The past... the father that never looked his way... his failures, his inadequacies...

I put that life behind me. This is my life now. The way of the firearms. I don't deserve to go back to that life, I-

Then suddenly, his fear stopped.

It was as though time around him slowed down to a crawl. All the nervousness, the tension, the hesitation vanished as he felt a blanket of calmness envelop him. For the first time in a long time, Ash had no dots to connect - no trail of patterns and behaviours to follow. Not even a logical reason to what he now felt. Like his mind, which had tried to move into several different directions at once, now all alined to one path straight ahead of him.

Ever since that fated day, I vowed never to run away ever again. If my childish hesitation causes everything to fall to the wayside, I dare not live with myself. There are still things I can do. I can do this.

As though his body had already known what he wanted to do before he had made up his mind, Ash found himself leaned forward and crouched to the ground. His firearm gently brushed against the concrete ground. He took one last deep breath. 'Perhaps there is something in this mess that I can predict: the past does indeed catch up to you, doesn't it?'

He raised his head upwards, not at the obstacle in front of him, but to the skies far above the wall. With no more mental barriers left to stop him, he vaulted into the air.

The wind scorched across his face, a sensation he hadn't experienced in what felt like forever. He soared over the wall and still moved on. Everything below him looked so small - the yellowjackets, the brick floor...

... and the bandits.

Once the trio saw a looming shadow above them, their eyes grew wide and they froze in place, unable to comprehend the image of a machinist sailing over their heads like a flying acrobat or a vaulter.

No, like a dragoon.

Their moment's hesitation was all Ash needed. While still overhead the trio, Ash aimed his firearm directly at them. In rapid succession, the bullets found their marks. The bandits hands now freed of their weapons. Their shoulder blades pierced with hot metal. And when Ash landed near to them, all he needed to do was stand there and aim his firearm at whoever moved until the yellowjackets finally came on scene with more of their members in tow.

As the yellowjackets cuffed and carted off the remaining bandits, the roegadyn and miqo'te who Ash had accompanied stayed behind with the hyur.

"The last time I saw anythin' or anyone go flyin' like that, I shot a cannonball with 12 onzes of gunpowder!" chirped the roegadyn. "Ye ain't hiding any of that in yer boots, are you?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Just some good old fashioned socks." said Ash.

The miqo'te snapped her fingers. "No wonder that accent of yers sounded familiar. Yer from that cold place up in nowhere, ain't ya? Don't they have those... dragoon people there?"

Ash paused. "Yes, yes they do."

The miqo'te looked as though she was about to elaborate, but like her roegadyn comerade, they got called away. The two yellowjackets waved goodbye to Ash, who waved back at them in return until they vanished into the distance. Once they left, Ash exhaled. Closing his eyes, he chuckled to himself. Funny how he often dismissed the wisdom of his elders until experiencing their words for himself. They were truly correct; Ash suddenly felt as though he hadn't lived long enough.

"What will I do now...?" he muttered.

((Entries 2 and 3 were from Ash’s canon story way back in Heavensward. I imagine this one to take place around the Stormblood or Shadowbringers time. So a lot of time has passed since then and now. X3 ))

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Fire and Blood, Part 1

Part one of a story submitted to me by one of my most faithful followers. Love it so far and I hope you will too!

The night sky loomed over the aftermath of a vast field of battle, no signs of life as the colors of the forces ranged from black and purple, to white and red. Fires littered the changed landscape as one woman was living her last breaths, her dear mount not far from where she lay and pin-cushioned with weaponry.

The young woman was splayed out on the ground, her life blood seeping into the soil as a large naginata had pierced through her and nearly bisected her at the waist with keeping her pinned to the ground. Her favored weapon of choice was buried into said owner of the weapon impaling her, leaving one dead and the other taking her final moments in this life. She let out a lone tear from her uncovered eye as she lamented not having the chance to say her goodbye to her dear family, and the twin dragons she cherished so much, oh how she wished to see them one last time, to see them happy and full of life before she passed on, but alas, she was too late.

‘The night is so beautiful….’ she thought as she looked at the pale moon overhead. Reveling in such a pure beauty as she was coming to accept this was her end. She wondered if her vision was impaired as it looked like the moon began to bleed, shading from it’s pale look to a ominous blood moon. Unknown to hear, dark shadows and black mist began to settle down on the battlefield, monsters emerging from the darkness, of many shapes and sizes, coming to as a crimson figure was in the lead and paused. Surveying the carnage with his red orbs, he spoke in an authoritative tone to his servants.

“Scavenge the remains, collect all materials and the bodies. Not a single drop of blood is to be left behind.” He commanded as the monsters bowed and began, spreading out and 'cleaning’ the mess that humans left in their wake. His attention was drawn to the wanting presence as he strode through his minions at work diligently and approached the downed woman. Glancing over her wounds as she bore more than just the weapon pinning her to the floor. While he did consider granting her a merciful and quick passing, he sensed a spark within her, her desire to live was strong, but her failing body had her acceptance to death growing. Well, let it be known that Gabriel was merciful when he had a choice.

“Do you wish to live?” He asked, catching her attention as she looked to him through her blurry vision and wondering just who this person was. The Prince of Darkness knelt down and asked again, sliding a cold hand over hers as he looked into her eyes.

“Do you wish to live, young one? I can tell who you are as the twins hold you in high esteem.” He said as he saw the light warm in her eyes at the mention of her twin siblings. She weakly grasped his hand and nodded, her voice almost gone as he gently moved a hand under her head and raised her up a bit. Removing his hand from hers, he grasped the weapon handle awith a quick 'I am sorry.’, and pulled the weapon free as she let out a pained gasp. Quickly using his Void powers to staunch her bleeding as he tossed the spear aside for a servant as he raised his arm to his mouth, exposing his fangs as he bit into his wrist and then offered the limb to her, his powerful blood seeping down the guards for her to intake.

“Drink.” He said with a gentle tone a father would give a child, she looked to his wrist and her gloved hands grasped his limb and brought it closer to her mouth. Full lips sealing over as her tongue lapped and collected the vampiric blood, slowly but surely. Gabriel felt a familiar presence arrive behind him and his son’s voice.

“May I ask what you are doing, father?” The White Wolf, Trevor 'Alucard’ Belmont, asked as he walked closer and knelt down to the two, not caring to the servants at work cleaning and collecting. The lone son of Gabriel looking over the dying woman who was partaking the blood of his father as he held her up and helped her up.

“Saving a life that was close to being wasted.” He replied as Trevor would question why, as his dad really had no love for humanity, yet here he was, saving one and soon siring them into vampirism.

“I presume you have your reasons, and we will discuss this later.” He said as the younger Vampire gestured his hands and Vermillion pink magic glowed and formed a magical clock under the woman as it dialed backwards slowly, her spilt blood reversing and soaking back into her body as both Vampire’s notice where her blood moved from, purple glowing roses and liliacs bloomed with magic as some fairies emerged from Gabriel’s cloak and mingled with them.

“Interesting, wonder what she would be blessed with.” Trevor asked as he helped his father save her life and help the ritual.

“Indeed, we shall see in time. Welcome to your new life, Camilla.”

-to be continued-

[mario-sonic-dimensional-shift]

Mario & Sonic: Dimensional Shift - Chapter 1: The Cause Pt. 2

A giant crane lifts the Master Emerald into position into a large slot on an extremely large machine. It clicks into place and lights up with power as the machine powers on with a low hum.

Eggman strokes his mustache with an evil grin, chuckling with malice. “Excellent… My plan is all coming together! It’s only a matter of time! I only need some more power!”

Orbot and Cubot are both holding opposite ends of a girder and moving across the room. Orbot leans the girder on Cubots head as he turns to Eggman to talk. “But boss, do you think that the Master Emerald will be enough to create a large enough rift to transport everything to another dimension?” Orbot asks.

“Not on its own, it won’t. Which is why I have THIS!” Eggman triumphantly holds up a peculiar fist-sized round blue gem.

“Ooo, I love blue raspberry candy!” Cubot claps as the weight of the girder gets heavier on his head and he sinks closer to the ground.

“No, bonehead, it’s not a blue raspberry candy! This is the Hyperspace Sapphire, and it contains the ability to manipulate space and dimension to my will!”

“Oh my, how did you get your hands on that item?” Orbot inquires.

“I know a guy, don’t worry about it. Just do your job and put that beam in place!” Eggman snaps.

“Right, right, I will, don’t worry. But how will that gem help this machine?” Orbot begins to slouch on his side lazily.

“It is going to have two purposes for this plan. For the first part, I am going to connect it and link it to the Master Emerald!” He rambles. “You see, the Master Emerald shares a connection with the Chaos Emeralds. Like a thread connecting each of them, that thread can be pulled closer to you if you know how to do it!” He places the Sapphire into a slot near the Master Emerald and presses a button.

The machine begins to whirr on, getting louder with each second passing. Eggman types some commands into his computer, and the Master Emerald and the Hyperspace Sapphire glow brighter. All of a sudden, three tiny portals open up in front of the machine’s gate point, and from them spill three Chaos Emeralds, the blue, red, and white colors respectively. As the machine powers down, Eggman rubs his hands together and guffaws loudly.

“Yes! I’m a genius! This is just what I need to fully power my machine!” He stands and places the Chaos Emeralds into a few separate glass chambers. “Now that my innovation is complete, I think I’ll call it… The Dimensional Egg-porter! Perfect!”

“You always had a way with words, boss,” Orbot comments.

“And now, thanks to my magnificent intellect, I will finally be victorious! My grand scheme to conquer the multiverse is at hand! And not even Sonic will be able to stop me! Ohohohoho!”

An alarm goes off and a red light flashes through the base. Eggman is caught off guard and looks at his security camera. “What?! You have to be kidding me!” He glimpses at the footage of his front door being broken down by Sonic, Silver, Knuckles and Tails.

“Grr… How did they find me so quickly?!” He jumps into his Egg Mobile and presses some buttons to start the Egg-porter, which begins to slowly warm up to full power. “Looks like things are going to have to go ahead of schedule! All Eggpawns! Slow down Sonic and his friends as much as you can! Orbot! Cubot!” He hesitates for a moment. “...Wake him up.”

“But sir, the upgrades aren’t complete yet-” Orbot protests.

“I don’t care! We can’t lose this moment! I don’t care what it takes! Just wake him UP!”

---

“Tactful as ever, Knuckles. He knows we’re here now.” Sonic jeers.

“Good. I want him to know.” Knuckles says as he walks forward without heed.

The flashing alarm blares loudly as the sound of many robotic footsteps begin making their way to the scene. Eggpawns fill up the halls as they arrive, some sporting blunt melee weapons and some holding blasters.

Tails analyzes the situation around them. “Okay, I’ve got a plan. We’ll each split up and take out different sections of enemies, and-”

“No need,” Knuckles interrupts. “I can take them all out on my own.”

Sonic arches an eyebrow. “You know that’s crazy, right?”

“Listen, I’m really angry right now, and the best way I can work it off is by punching the bolts out of some bots. I’ll create a path through, you guys go on ahead and find Eggman.”

Sonic shakes his head and sighs. “Well, if you’re sure. I’m smart enough to know not to get in the middle of your rampage. Go get ‘em tiger.” He gives a thumbs up.

“I can stay and help, too!” Silver exclaims, stepping forward next to Knuckles.

“No thanks, I can handle this on my own.” Knuckles says with disdain.

“No, seriously, I-”

“I said no, Silver! I said I can do this myself!” Knuckles yells, causing Silver to step back, intimidated.

“...sorry…” Silver mumbles out, but Knuckles is already stepping forward, steeling himself for battle.

Sonic puts a hand on Silver’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about him. He wasn’t trying to be mean, that’s just how he is. Trust me, don’t take it personally, I promise you’re okay. He’s a tough cookie and can look out for himself. Besides, we have a job to do, right?”

Silver clenches his fist and nods his head. “Right, yeah. I’m ready to go.”

Tails scratches his ear a little bit. “I do wish he wasn’t so willing to put himself in harm's way like this. I would have preferred that we all could make it to the fight with Eggman together.”

“Well, this might be better actually, because we’ll be at full strength, rather than all of us being worn out for the fight,” Sonic says.

“I guess you’re right,” Tails responds. “All we have to do is wait for an opening to slip by and reach Eggman.”

Knuckles stretches his arms as he continues to walk forward towards the horde of Eggpawns lying in wait for him. “Well, if you're not gonna make the first move, then allow me!”

He rips a piece of sheet metal off of the metal walls, and chucks it like a frisbee at the army, already taking out a few rows of robots. Running forward, he begins to plow through the Eggpawns one after another with each fist strike. The bots occasionally try to gang up on Knuckles, but he is quick to throw them off, using the parts of other destroyed bots if he has to. At one point, he grabs a spiked Eggpawn by the feet, and spins around wildly as he moves forward, knocking out any other baddies in his path.

Tails observes for an opening as he surveys the damage. “Okay, Silver, let’s you and I fly over while Knuckles deals with these guys on the ground.”

“Got it, I’ll take Sonic,” Silver says as he begins to use his psychokinesis to lift up Sonic through the air.

“Careful, Silver, these goods are fragile, so handle with care,” Sonic quips.

Sticking close to the wall, the trio manage to fly over the Eggpawns undetected as Knuckles continues his onslaught below, who is currently throwing back bombs that were chucked at him first.

They eventually make their way through a number of halls until they arrive at a large door with the familiar Eggman logo. Silver cracks his fingers and forces the door open with a burst of energy. On the other side of this door is an expecting Eggman, floating in his Egg Mobile with a frown.

“Well, well, well, look who decided to show up for an unexpected house visit,” Eggman says, scowling as he talks. “Sonic, Tails, and… uh… Who are you again?”

“Silver. I fought against you and Infinite in the Resistance, remember?”

“Right, right. Anyways, to what do I owe you all the pleasure of bursting into my base and making a mess of my minions?”

“Don’t play dumb, Eggman! You stole the Master Emerald from Knuckles, and you’ve been making something new with the Hyperspace Sapphire!” Tails says with a point of his finger at Eggman.

Eggman recoils in shock for a moment. “Gah! How did you-?! I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about! Hyperspace Sapphire? I’ve never heard of such an item!”

Sonic rolls his eyes for a moment. “Whatever, Baldo. Just tell us what you’re planning, and we’ll do you a favor and give you a free beat-and-destroy combo deal! Courtesy of Sonic the Hedgehog and Co.!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! And even if I had an amazing, genius master plan, I wouldn’t tell you anyways!”

“That’s new,” Sonic comments. “Usually you love to drone on about your evil plans. This one must be big, huh?”

“He’s planning to travel to another dimension that he can conquer without interference,” A new, gloomy voice cuts into the conversation, as Shadow the Hedgehog jumps from the pipes on the ceiling onto the ground next to Sonic, followed by Rouge who lands next to him as well.

“Shadow?! Rouge?!” Eggman yells. “What are you doing here?!”

“Hey Doctor, long time no see,” Rouge says, putting her hands behind her back.

“Eggman created a machine that will allow him and his whole army to travel to another dimension where you don’t exist, so he can conquer that universe and create his Eggman Empire to expand his army even further,” Shadow explains, arms crossed as he faces Eggman. “He’s using three Chaos Emeralds along with the Master Emerald and the Sapphire to power the machine.”

“Wow Shadow, that’s impressive,” Sonic says. “How did you figure all that out?”

“Because I got here a while ago. And unlike somebody, I actually managed to be sneaky,” Shadow jeers.

Sonic laughs a little bit. “Alright, you won this one for sure.”

Eggman slams his fists in anger. “Grr! Why do you blasted hedgehogs have to ruin every single thing?! Don’t I deserve to win for once?!”

Rouge points to a door nearby. “The machine is in a chamber in that room, and it’s powering up for a jump as we speak.”

Silver nods his head and raises his fists. “Got it, then all we need to do is push through Eggman and destroy his machine before it starts up.”

“Not so fast, now!” Eggman chimes. “Don’t think you can get through me so easily! Especially when I have backup!”

“Backup…?” Tails repeats. “Oh no, don’t tell me…”

Eggman laughs maniacally as he pulls a switch, which opens a secret door on the other side of the room. A flash of red can be seen, and all of a sudden a metallic form barges out at incredible speed and stops in front of Eggman’s Egg Mobile, facing towards the heroes with a cold, unmoving stare. It was Metal Sonic, standing firm and locking eyes with the real Sonic, his fists clenched in hatred and fury.

“Metal Sonic?” Sonic stands unintimidated, keeping his gaze unbroken with Metal. “This won’t be a problem. I had no problem taking his polished behind to the dumpster last time we fought, what makes you think he’ll stand a chance against all of us?

“Because with his recent upgrades, Metal Sonic is now faster and more cunning than ever before!” Eggman gloats. “He’ll have no problem disposing of you once and for all!”

“I think he’s right, Sonic,” Tails says. “Metal seems different, and faster too. It might be harder this time.”

Sonic gets into a battle-ready pose. “Alright then, let’s split this up, why don’t we? Shadow, Silver, and I will take on Metal Sonic, while Tails and Rouge stop Eggman and shut down that machine.”

“Don’t order me around, Sonic,” Shadow says in a cold tone.

“That works for me!” Tails exclaims, moving with Rouge over to the side of Eggman. “Good luck, guys!”

“Ohoho! Feeling brave, are we fox boy?” Eggman sneers. “Well, lets see how you like this!” He pilots his Eggmobile into a nearby structure, which springs to life as he inserts the vehicle into the cockpit of the machine. Sharp blades start to spin around the machine like a fan, looking to slice anything that gets too close. “Introducing the Egg Copter! I’ll make sure you’re sliced and diced properly while I make Sonic watch!”

Rouge side eyes Tails a bit. “I don’t know how I let you all convince me to play the hero on this one. You better get me that Sapphire for all the trouble I’m going through.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we get it for you. Besides, I’m already seeing a weakness in this design.” Tails says, putting his fists up to get ready to fight.

“I hope you’re right about this, twintails,” Rouge says as she flaps her wings and goes airborne.

Meanwhile, the three hedgehogs are at a standstill as they stare down the unmoving Metal Sonic silently.

“Hey Shadow, wanna make this fun?” Sonic asks. “Let’s see who can get the last hit on Deadbolt over here.”

“This isn’t going to be a competition, Sonic, because I don’t need your help to take him down. I can do this on my own, you two will just slow me down.” Shadow responds.

“Oh, big shot, huh?” Sonic smiles. “Let’s see if you can put your rings where your mouth is.”

“Guys, this isn’t time for games,” Silver chimes in. “We can’t let our guard down for one second!”

Metal Sonic stands with his arms to his side, but ready to receive any attack that might come his way.

Silver clenches his fists and takes a small step back, a bit intimidated. “Alright, we need to think about this strategically and try to come up with a plan…”

“No thanks,” Shadow says coldly. “Plans are for morons who don’t have the strength to face their opponents head on.” He squints his eyes as he jets forwards towards Metal Sonic.

“Sorry, buddy, have to agree with Shadow on this one. Plans just aren’t my thing!” Sonic exclaims as he curls up in a ball and spin dashes at Metal as well.

“W-Wait!” Silver yells in protest, but the other two hedgehogs had already gone ahead.

Shadow is the first to make contact with Metal, attempting to jab with his fist which is parried by Metal’s arm. Metal retaliates with a punch with his other hand, making contact on Shadow’s chest and pushing Shadow back a few feet.

Sonic gets in close and attempts to spin into Metal, but Metal reacts just in time and kicks Sonic away like a kickball into the air. Sonic unfurls from his ball form in the air and attempts to downward kick into Metal Sonic, but Metal grabs a hold of his leg and hurls him at Shadow. Sonic goes flying into Shadow and the both of them fall to the ground.

“Get off me!” Shadow yells as he pushes Sonic off.

Silver flies ahead now, as Metal Sonic’s jets kick in and he flies at Silver as well. Silver puts his hands forward and releases a wave of psychic energy, stopping Metal in his tracks with a green glow around him.

“Ha! Got ya!” Silver gloats. All of a sudden, Metal’s jets boost on again, and he breaks free of the psychic hold at an incredible speed. Silver gets caught off guard by this as he is suddenly headbutted by Metal Sonic.

Metal then grabs him by the face and pushes Silver into the ground head first, skidding him through the ground and onto the wall. He raises his clawed hand up to strike, but is interrupted by Shadow who spin kicks Metal away and rushes ahead with a follow up strike to the chest. Metal counters with a few slams as well, as the two begin trading blows.

Sonic runs over to Silver and extends a hand to help him up. “You okay, Silver?”

Silver rubs his cheek a little bit as he stands. “Yeah, I’m fine… I can’t believe he broke through my psychokinesis. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Sonic reassures. “It’ll work out, so don’t give up just yet!” He rushes off to go rejoin the battle.

Meanwhile, Rouge and Tails are frantically flying around the Egg Copter, avoiding it’s sharp blades the best they can, but Eggman is hot on their trail and very persistent.

They manage to gain some distance and reconvene. “So, any updates on that idea you were having, or were you just trying to impress a pretty lady?” Rouge teases, but is panting a little bit trying to catch her breath.

“I’m still looking for an opening to get in close. He’s weak from the top, but I can’t get close enough to attack. Do you think you can distract him at all?” Tails asks.

“Heh, I think I can,” Rouge says, pulling out a few small pink balls. Eggman starts to close the gap now and is charging at them. “Don’t let me down, kid.” She flies up to gain some height on Eggman.

“Hahaha! Get ready to meet your end, Tails!” Eggman laughs. Rogue throws the pink balls at Eggman, which explode in a large puff of pink and purple smoke. Eggman begins coughing as he enters the cloud. “Gah! What is this?!”

As the smoke clears, Eggman looks up as Tails descends upon the Eggcopter, landing on the engine and stabbing a screwdriver into it. The blades of the vehicle begin to slow down a bit, before coming to a stop.

Tails stands proud over Eggman, hands on his hips. “It’s over, Eggman! Your machine is done for! Give up now before I… uh… Kick your… Butt! Yeah! I’ll kick your butt!”

“Oh, no. Whatever will I do now?” Eggman says, a bit of a sarcastic tone in his voice. “It’s too bad my useless Egg Copter doesn’t have any secret backup tricks. OH WAIT!” He pulls on a lever, and a large extendable metallic claw with three prongs emerges from the vehicle behind Tails and grabs him.

“Kid!” Rouge yells, flying at them now to try to help Tails, but Eggman swings the claw with Tails in it at Rouge and spikes her onto the ground. She lets out a small gasp before losing consciousness.

“You know, sometimes the most effective traps are the simplest ones! Hohoho!” Eggman cackles, bringing the claw holding Tails close to him. “You know, you annoying little vermin, you really couldn’t have believed you would stand a chance against me, right? All you are is a… a sidekick! You’re NOTHING without Sonic!” Eggman presses a button and makes the claw squeeze Tails, causing Tails to yell out in pain. “And now, you’ll die into nothingness, just like you lived!”

The claw squeezes again, and Tails screams once more. “S-Sonic!!” He cries out, tears forming in his eyes.

Sonic stops fighting for a moment and looks over at Tails and Eggman, his eyes widening. “Tails! I’m coming, buddy!” He begins to run over to them, but his path is blocked by Metal Sonic, who uses this opening to knee Sonic in the stomach and kick him farther away. He lands on his knees, coughing up a little bit. “N-no, Tails…”

“Metal Sonic!” Shadow yells out, clashing both of his hands with both of Metal’s hands as they wrestle over their ground. “Your battle is with ME! Got that?” He pushes Metal back as he spin dashes towards the robot.

“Sonic! You have to get up!” Silver yells from across the room, sending a psychic knife towards Metal Sonic as he speaks, who jumps over it with ease as he fends off Shadow.

Sonic grasps at his chest and coughs up a bit more. “I can’t... Move… I won’t make it in time…”

Eggman laughs maniacally. “Say goodbye to your little pet, Sonic!”

The doors to the lab burst open with a wide swing, as a flying Eggpawn soars through the air with an erratic pattern, with Knuckles on top of it. He steers the robot in Eggman’s direction, jumping off and gliding over to the top of the Egg Copter. He lands right next to the arm of the claw, and with a heavy grunt he rips the arm off and throws it off. As Tails begins to fall to the ground, Knuckles jumps down and catches Tails in his arms, gently placing him on the ground.

Tails breathes heavily as he slowly opens his eyes. “Knuckles… Thank you…” He forms a small smile.

“No problem, bud. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.” Knuckles says. He looks over to Sonic, who gives Knuckles a nod and a thumbs up which Knuckles returns as well. He then turns to Eggman with a furious gaze.

Eggman smiles nervously and sweats a little bit. “Aha… Knuckles! Good to see you! Er…”

“I think you have something of mine, Eggman. I want it back. Now.” Knuckles says, punching his hands together.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about! Now if you will excuse me, I have other places to be.” Eggman says as he begins to drive the Egg Mobile backwards.

“Not until I get my chance to crack an egg!” Knuckles yells, giving chase to Eggman.

Sonic stands up now, taking a few more deep breaths to compose himself. As soon as he can, he starts to make his way over to the injured Tails. Metal Sonic, who is currently engaged in a chase with Silver, turns his head and notices Sonic trying to get away. He kicks on his thrusters and goes to block the path again. As he stops in front of Sonic, he attempts to make a punch, but Sonic just barely jumps out of the way.

“Looks like I’m not going anywhere with you still here, huh?” Sonic stretches his neck. “Alright, I’ll make you into scrap metal then!” Sonic jumps into the air and vaults towards Metal Sonic with a homing attack. Metal Sonic seems to copy his movements, and performs a homing attack at Sonic as well. The two blue blurs bounce off of each other multiple times, spinning all around the room together.

Silver flies over to Shadow, who was cast into a wall recently before Sonic began to fight again. He extends a hand out, but Shadow slaps it away, getting up on his own.

“I’m starting to get really sick of this,” Shadow complains.

“Maybe we should think of a plan real quick while Sonic is keeping Metal busy,” Silver suggests.

“Maybe you should shut it before you get a swift kick to the head, Silver,” Shadow says, as he warps to behind Metal Sonic, where he attempts to jab at Metal but instead hits Sonic accidentally. Shadow shouts out in frustration as he launches another all-out attack.

Knuckles is continuing to give chase to Eggman, who is trying to outrun Knuckles in his Egg Mobile. Eggman attempts to throw down spiked mines, but Knuckles breaks through or dodges them with no problem.

“Now, Knuckles! Can’t we talk about this?” Eggman says, frantically pressing buttons. “You know that I didn’t mean any of the things I did! I’ll change for the better, I promise!”

Suddenly, a blinking light flashes on his dashboard, and an automated voice calls out, “DIMENSIONAL EGG-PORTER STATUS 95%. PLEASE PREPARE FOR DEPARTURE.” Eggman smiles and rubs his hands together, as Knuckles swiftly jumps onto the Egg Mobile, facing towards him.

“It’s over, Doctor Eggman,” Knuckles says, a big grin on his face as he prepares to thrash Eggman real good. “I’m gonna make you pay for making me look like an idiot.”

“Oh, Knuckles…” Eggman sighs, pretending to sound sad. “Perhaps it is for the best you caught me. Maybe it really is time for you to.... NET ME IN!” He quickly pulls out a hidden bazooka looking weapon and shoots Knuckles point blank with it, with a large net coming out and wrapping around him and causing him to fall to the floor as he struggles to escape.

“Sorry, sucker! But I got places to be!” Eggman laughs as he begins to speed towards the chamber with the nearly charged Egg-porter. He presses a button, and the walls of the Egg-porter room open up and expand so Eggman can fit his Egg Mobile through.

“Grah! Sonic! He’s getting away!” Knuckles shouts, desperately struggling to escape the net.

“Shoot!” Sonic yells, looking around for a solution of some sort, then looking at the machine on the other side of the room. “Silver, I have an idea! Can you catch and hold Metal Sonic?”

“Yeah, but he’s able to break out of it, so I can only hold him for a second!” Silver replies.

“A second is all I need. Get his attention and get him as close as you can to the dimension machine!” Sonic commands.

“Right. Hey! Stupid metal faker! You’ll never be anything compared to the real Sonic!” Silver yells out. Metal Sonic finishes uppercutting Shadow and knocking him away, before turning his head at Silver with a hateful look. “Uh oh,” Silver says, turning around and flying in the other direction. Metal turns his thrusters on and quickly follows in pursuit, gaining on Silver with great speed.

Sonic now gets into a ball and starts to spin quickly, preparing for a spin dash when the moment is right.

Silver looks behind to see Metal Sonic nearly caught up to him. He raises his hand up and unleashes his psychic energy to hold Metal in place once again. “Now, Sonic!” He directs.

Sonic unleashes his spin dash and begins to barrel towards Metal Sonic at a high speed. Metal glares at Silver angrily and starts his booster up again to escape the hold, but as soon as his booster begins activating, Sonic immediately rolls into Metal at his high velocity, causing Metal to spin out of control.

Eggman cackles as he approaches the gate of the Egg-porter, looking at the gauge which is now complete. The automated voice begins to read out loud “DIMENSIONAL EGG-PORTER NOW AT 100%. HAVE A GREAT TRIP, DOCTOR EGGEGGEGGEGGEGGEGGEGGEGGEGG BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-” Metal Sonic has violently crashed himself into the side of the machine, crackling with electricity and malfunctioning. The Egg-porter’s gate had opened for a moment, but then closed once Metal crashed into it and before Eggman could enter in.

Sonic stands triumphantly tall as he begins to gloat. “Too bad, Egghead. Looks like you were unsurprisingly stopped by us again!”

“No… My machine…” Eggman says with a dejected tone. “Do you… Do you realize WHAT YOU’VE JUST DONE?! WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!” He turns his Egg Mobile around and attempts to fly off, when all of a sudden the gate opens back up and starts to suck everything inside.

Metal Sonic’s broken body is the first thing to get sucked inside, as well as the three Chaos Emeralds, the Master Emerald, and the Hyperspace Sapphire. As they enter through the gate portal, they are lost into a white void.

Eggman is frantically pulling as many levers as he can to escape the pull of the gate, but he’s not fast enough as the Egg Mobile slowly gets closer to the gate. “NOOOOO-” Is the last thing Eggman yells before falling inside.

Knuckles starts getting closer to the machine’s gate next, as he struggles to escape from the net still. He’s nearly there until he is enveloped by a green glow and begins floating, as he is pulled closer to Silver who is attempting to fly away from the gate with Knuckles in tow.

“Silver! Let me go! You’ll only drag slow yourself down holding me!” Knuckles yells out.

“I won’t! I won’t let you go!” Silver rebuffs.

“That wasn’t an option Silver!” Knuckles barks. “Let go now!”

“But I-” Silver’s sentence is cut short as he is hit by a piece of stray machinery, causing him to lose focus and let himself and Knuckles fall into the portal.

The unconscious body of Rouge and the weakened body of Tails start to drag closer to the portal. Unable to resist the gravitational pull of the gate, Rouge quickly travels like a bullet towards the portal.

“Rouge!” Shadow yells, attempting to jump and grab her hand before she goes. However, he is barely able to grab her fingers and she slips away, falling into the white void. Shadow then attempts to grab onto an object to hold steady, but it breaks off and Shadow loses his balance and careens through the portal.

Tails attempts to fight against the pull of the portal, but his weakened state makes it hard to put up a fight. Sonic grabs onto his hand and links his other hand onto a pipe to hold steady. “I’ve got you, Tails! I won’t let you go!”

“S-Sonic! I’m scared! What do we do?” Tails cries out.

“I don’t know, but I promise I won’t let anything happen to you!”

The pipe begins to loosen in Sonic’s grasp, until it breaks off and Sonic and Tails begin to head for the portal. Sonic takes Tails into his arms and holds him in a protective hug as they go head first into the gate.

“I won’t let go, I promise!”

They pass through the gate, and the only thing around them is white space, and the sensation of falling downward. Sonic holds Tails close to his chest, until he looks down and sees Tails turn into dust made of pure light and disappear.

Sonic looks frantically around and sees nothing but the void. “TAILS! TAILS! WHERE ARE YOU!?” He screams. No response.

Sonic tears up and wipes his eyes. “Wherever you are, I’ll find you! If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll find you!”

Sonic is all alone. The only thing he can feel besides dread is loneliness, which is the last feeling he has as his consciousness fades away into white.

[xxatinyminionxx]

Minion’s Followers Survey (#1) Results!!!

The survey received a total of 70 responses! I also participated though so technically together you all responded 69 different times (nice). Anyways, let’s get started analyzing the results!

50% of you found me from my writing which is great! Also as I expected, a lot of you found me from soft/hard hour asks!

—

**Cut off responses:

For Enhypen content!

You reblog cool posts!

literally everything omg ilysm Eunha :(( <3

i don’t think i do…yet

you’re a good friend honestly, i like being in your company :D

cuz u followed me **

Okay I didn’t think TXT and Enhypen would be this close because I get a lot more interaction about the former. Also thank you to those who follow me for me too <33

—

Looks like y’all love Yeonjun and Jay!

I didn’t expect Jay to come out on top like I really thought it would be Jake or someone else. Also it’s okay Sunoo + Sunghoon stans, I stand with you <33

Oh and Soobin?! I really thought he would get a greater percentage, but it’s hard to pick a favorite. I mean look at some of you picking OT5 🙏

—

I’m shocked by this too. Both 19-21 and 16-18 are sooo close. Um— View my content responsibly is all I ask please and thank you. Also my elder followers, hi there 👋

—

Oooh awesome! We love representation here <3

—

**Cut off response: OMG IS THIS A REFERENCE TO THAT ICONIC TXT WEVERSE DEBATE BECAUSE IF SO I LOVE U. also its one hole!! >:(( **

IT HAS ONE HOLE GUYS COME ON 😂 jkjk unless…

AND YES THIS IS A TXT REFERENCE

—

AND WATER CANT BE WET 😩

The response in green is my thought process ☝️

—

I WILL ^^ (who said no-)

—

Q: Where are you from?

Okay this is interesting. North America, Europe, and Asia are the top 3 regions. I guess it has to do with my anons and moots, but I was under the impression that the majority of my followers were European. It’s honestly cool to be proven wrong lol

Q: Zodiac sign?

ALRIGHT TAURUSES WE SEE YOU 🙌

Also Aries, Virgos, and Geminis

I think each sign is here, fun :3

Q: Sexuality?

Alright you sexy people, I see you 💞

Q: Suggestions for next survey?

As I said in a previous reblog, I just made a second survey based off your suggestions here! I’ll make it live sometime next week! (Please note that some suggestions I got need a separate survey, so they might not be included)

Q: Something to say to me?

Ily2 !!!!! 💖

Taehyun give men a good rep 👌

As always, thank you for enjoying what I do!!

Helloooo

I got two marriage proposals?? 😅 Y’all are cute and might need to visit my inbox 💞

Nsfw twitter x hard hours = <3 (someone had to say it)

I’ll take care of myself! I’m more consciously doing that now :)

Eunnie— SUSHI ROLL ADMIN??? 🥺💕

I feel like I’m still lacking as a writer, but I’m glad you enjoy my writing so much, it means a lot!

Well I stan my gf chuu <3

To the networking question, I actually had trouble with this for awhile, but my suggestion is to do some blog exploring to find creators you like. You can reblog their posts, comment on them, and I believe you can find some mutuals! Even if they seem intimidating, I’m sure they would love to have a new mutual as long as you approach them nicely!

I’ll keep the self care reblogs coming! (I do like my pillow cold ty hehe)

It’s because of you all that I’m still running my blog! Thank you <3

Stream tayo 🚌🚌🚌

—

© 2021 xxatinyminionxx. All Rights Reserved.

[thinkyoureholy]

Dissonants [1]

[Requested by anon]

A/n: I'd like to thank my beautiful cousin who made this moodboard I love you my broski and thank you so much😔✊

Dissonant: adj. Unsuitable or unusual in combination; clashing

.

.

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Pairing : Byun Baekhyun / Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Mature Language, Future Fluff, Future Smut, Gang! AU

Words : 2.1k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13. Pt 14.

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

I threw the knife I had in my hands across the room in anger, watching it embed itself into the wall, “I want you to find that infuriating little brat and bring him to me! Now!”

The others just stayed in their spots, none of them dared to move or even make eye contact with me, that is everyone except Heejin. She stood against the door, her arms crossed over her chest, a smirk adorning her face. She had the audacity to laugh at the situation, causing my anger to grow. I stood up from my seat, stalking over to her, my face showing just how angry I was. I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to do anything about her laughing since I usually never did but this time it was different. This time we all could’ve died thanks to that little pest that goes by the name of Byun Baekhyun and his annoying pack of minions.

“You think this is a game?”

-One Hour Earlier-

“Alright, spread out, if you run into any problems engage if you have to but if you see an opening you take it. I’m not taking home any dead bodies tonight do you understand?”

I heard a chorus of ‘yes’,  Haise and Urie already on my left and right. I turned back to look at Min who was in charge of telling us where exactly the truck was at, Ji helping him out by taking out security cameras in the area. Saiko had already left with Hye and Heejin, those three in charge of blinding the drivers with flashbangs and setting off smoke bombs to give us some cover. Saiko and her team had been waiting in the surrounding area, making sure no problems arose while we waited for the truck to get to that intersection.

Haise and Urie were on high alert as soon as they had stepped out of the car, their eyes surveying the area as we walked down the street. I couldn’t help but crack a smile at their rigid frames, the two of them looking like robots.

“If I didn’t know the two of you well enough I’d say the two of you were government manufactured machines.”

“And who says we aren’t?” Haise asked, loosening up a bit as he draped an arm around my shoulder, making the two of us look like a couple to the people around us.

Urie on the other hand stayed rigid, his face as stoic as ever. I elbowed him in the ribs gently, leaning over to him, “At least try to act like you’re a regular member of society and not a gang member on their way to rob an armored truck.”

He nodded briskly, a sigh leaving my lips at seeing him remain just as rigid. It didn’t take long for us to reach the intersection, seeing Saiko and the others in their places. I looked down at my watch, hearing Min say the truck was about to come up on to light ahead in a few seconds. I turned to look at Haise and Urie to see they already had their masks on, Urie handing me mine along with a pistol. I slipped it on, checking the magazine of the gun before seeing the truck stop at the red light as planned. Haise did his bird call, giving Saiko’s team the signal to proceed. Everything happened in a blur, the flashbangs going off first before the smoke bombs were detonated. I felt Urie and Haise both put a hand on each of my shoulders stopping me from being the first one to pass through the veil of smoke. I sighed heavily, waiting for them to give me the all clear signal before following after them.

I checked my watch once more, seeing we had less than five minutes left. Hye had done the calculations on how long it would take the police to arrive on the scene and with the possibility of them being on patrol nearby we had six minutes and some seconds of an opening to get the job done.

“Clear!” Haise yelled out, having gone back to his serious self from just a few minutes ago.

I took a few steps back, Urie having already come over to stand in front of me, protecting me from the blast. As soon as we heard it go off we went to work. I removed my backpack, reaching into it and pulling out a much larger duffle bag that was folded inside, Haise and Urie doing the same. I could hear some scuffling coming from the front of the truck, knowing Saiko and the others were trying to keep the driver and passenger busy. Counting down in my head I knew we had less than two minutes left, Haise and Urie having filled their bags already. We were so close, so fucking close, that is until he decided to show up and completely ruin everything.

I felt a knife being pressed tightly against my neck, making me freeze. I could hear Urie and Haise fighting with whoever tried to restraint them, that is until I heard a single gunshot. At that I turned my head quickly, seeing Haise kneeling on the floor, clutching onto his left bicep with his right hand. At seeing him injured I threw my head back, head butting the guy holding onto me. His hold on me loosened up, giving me the chance to grab onto his wrist tightly and use my center of gravity to flip him over my shoulder and onto the ground. I went to punch him but stopped as soon as I felt a gun being pressed against my temple firmly. I froze once again, looking up into a pair of eyes I didn’t recognize.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I mean that is unless you want me to blow your brains out, paint the streets with your blood...y’know the whole jazz.”

I could see Urie fighting harder against the arms that held him back, Haise trying to get back up but was kicked back down. I looked around to see Saiko lying on the ground, her hand clutching onto her stomach. Hye had cuts on her arms and bruises leading up to her face. The only one that seemed relatively unscathed was Heejin, I was confused to say the least but I would question her about it later. Right now I had to deal with this problem. I was snapped back into reality at hearing a painful groan coming from Urie.

“Tick tock, doll face. The clock is ticking and it seems like you don’t have much time.” He said in a condescending voice.

I narrowed my eyes at him, “Who the hell are you?”

“Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun”

My eyes widened at his name, everything seeming to click. He’s the one that’s been meddling with everything my people and I have been doing for the past two months. I had only heard his voice and just the sound of it made my blood boil. So much went on in these last few seconds so my brain didn’t put two and two together until now. I ground my teeth together in anger, looking over to Urie and nodding my head. At the nod Urie stopped resisting immediately, Hye doing the same.

“Haise?”

“Yeah?” He answered in a strained voice.

“Can you walk?”

“I think so.”

“Urie help Heejin with Saiko and fall back.” I ordered them, knowing we were running out of time as soon as the sirens in the background started to get louder.

“We thank you for your kind donation.” Baekhyun said, a smug smile undoubtedly on his lips under the mask he was wearing.

I glared at him, not risking the chance to let him try something as I kept my eyes on him, making my way over to Haise and helping him off the floor. I let him lean against me, seeing Urie and the others just leaving the cover the smoke gave us. I turned back to Baekhyun, a deep frown on my face.

“Don’t count on never seeing me again, I’ll end you for everything you’ve done.” I sneered out, my voice dripping with venom.

“Oh I sure hope you do.” He replied in a smug voice.

-Present Time-

I looked Heejin up and down, noticing her lack of injury, not even a single scuff on her hands. I grew skeptical at this, taking a step closer to her, seeing her back up just the smallest amount.

“Tell me...what were you doing when we got ambushed? Why are you the only one that left unscathed? Even I have a small scratch on my neck but you? Its as if they intentionally spared you...why is that?”

I could tell my questions caught her off guard as she started stumbling over her words. Before I could even think of saying anything else Min came over to stand in between the two of us, his back to Heejin,protecting her, “Y/N come on, ease up a bit.”

“Ease up? You want me to ease up when Haise took a bullet to the arm and Saiko a knife to her side? We’re lucky those were the only two ‘major' injuries given to any of us and you want me to ease up?”

Min faltered at my words, knowing he had absolutely no right to tell me to ease up. I sent a glare to Heejin once more before turning my back on the two.

“Hye go finish patching up Saiko. Ji go back to your computer and see what else you can find on this Byun Baekhyun guy besides his name, Min help him out. Haise and Urie the two of you stay here.” I said, making my way back to my desk before pausing for a few seconds, turning back around to face Heejin, “You better stay out of my sight if you know what’s good for you. You better fucking pray that I don’t find out about you having to do with any one from the gang that ambushed us today because I will make your life a living hell before I put you out of your misery.”

With that being said they all filed out of the room one by one, Haise and Urie were the only ones to stay behind like I ordered. Haise had been sitting in a chair this whole time, blood already seeping through the makeshift bandage around his arm. With a sigh I grabbed my kit from inside one of my desk drawers. I sat down next to Haise without a word, unwinding the bandage from his arm and cutting up the sleeve of his shirt. The two of them watched me work in silence, Haise’s wincing the only thing audible in the whole room.

“Don’t you think you were a little too harsh?” Urie asked, leaning against the desk as he watched me work.

I cleaned out Haise’s wound, noticing that there was no exit wound which meant the bullet was still in his arm. I ignored Urie’s remark and got ready to take out the bullet, cleaning out his wound before reaching into it with a pair of pliers. Haise immediately tensed up, a loud groan falling from his lips as his arm shook the longer I took to extract the bullet. Finally after what might’ve felt like minutes to him but was only a few seconds I managed to get the bullet out.

“Fucking hell, Y/N. Mind giving me a little bit of a warning next time?” Haise said, his face having gone a little pale.

I offered him a small smile, already working on stitching up his wound. Once I was done I wrapped his arm up in new bandages, giving him some pills to take the pain away. I sat back in the chair, throwing the used bandages to the floor roughly, some anger still in me.

“I want you two to keep an eye on Heejin.”

“Y/N-”

I gave Haise a look, silencing him immediately, “Don’t tell me I’m the only one that thinks it’s odd that she’s the only one that came back without a single scratch.”

Urie sighed heavily, crossing his arms over his chest, “And what happens if we do find something?”

I looked at the two of them, seeing how Haise hoped I didn’t say what he thought I would while Urie kept his face blank. I stayed silent for a few seconds before answering his question.

“Simple. I get rid of her and anyone who tries to stop me.” I said, an underlying threat in my tone of voice. 

[pajama-nerd]

I forgot my Int score was 9

So my roommate is running a lil D&D thing for the house until February when we kick off the 1-20 quest recently released by WotC. He’s started us at level 6 and has allowed a lot of homebrewed stuff, so naturally, we’re a mostly zany bunch

Our party consists of: 

Tophy, A Tortle Druid, Circle of the Sheppard.

Tiny, A Cat-Hybrid Vampire Hexblade Warlock, Pact of the Chain with a vampire bat familiar named Muffins

and me, a Rogue 2/Cleric 4 Goblin named 4 (because Goblins don’t get named until they do something for the Clan and until then it’s just the order you were born in. I can’t remember if that’s canon or something I made up for my homebrewed campaign setting. Doesn’t matter. Moving on). She’s got the Trickster Domain. She’s in service to Garl Glittergold. That’s a backstory for another time.

So, Tiny was being chased by clerics and their minions for eating a priest of Tiamat, and 4 encountered Tophy (pronounced toffee) a little ways away. We heard a commotion (which was the clerics towing a captured Tiny back towards their church, most likely for a public execution). 

4 was not exactly enthusiastic about the possibility of fighting these guys (4 kobolds and three white dragonborn), until Tophy cast Conjure Woodland Animals and 8 Giant Frogs popped into existence and Tiny Enthralled one of the Kobolds to untie her.

We killed them all. It was not hard. 

Anyway, Tophy and Tiny are having a conversation about coincidental meetings. My character, who had been hiding behind a tree, did not break stealth, and while they were talking, moved half speed to maintain stealth while she looted all the dead people that had not been eaten whole by giant frogs before crossing the clearing to a different tree, all while Tophy and Tiny had a conversation about traveling together. 

They didn’t see me. 

They decide to travel together, it starts to snow. My character follows along, parallel, without breaking stealth. She’s still not sure what these people are about. 

They spot a house in the distance, and Tiny’s like, ‘I got this’ and knocks on the door. This big burly Tiefling comes to the door, and she puts on the ‘freezing waif’ persona, and he’s like, ‘fuck off’, and closes the door in her face. And she’s like, ‘huh. that usually works. hold on, lemme try again’ and knocks again. 

And the Tiefling comes back and is like, ‘Fuck off or I will Fuck you Off’, and Tiny’s like, ‘that’s an interesting point. But consider this:’ and Enthralls him. 

Meanwhile, Tophy’s in the stable on the side of the house talking to horses, and 4 has climbed up onto the roof because there’s smoke coming from the chimney which means a fire, which means those rocks are probably warm.

So the Tiefling - ‘Rick’ - is Enthralled, and Tiny’s like, ‘can we come in?’ and Rick’s like, ‘sure’, and Tiny goes to step inside and can’t. 

And she’s like, ‘huh. Hey, so Rick. Whatchya got goin’ on here, man?’

And Rick’s like, ‘oh, well, we’re robbing this place. There’s supposed to be some really good shit in the basement.’

And Tiny’s like, ‘oh shit’

And 4′s like, ‘oh shit’

And Tophy’s like, ‘does he treat you okay?’ (to the horses)

So Tiny’s having a conversation with this guy, and 4 slides down off the roof, quickly and quietly opens the back door, slips into the kitchen and survey’s the situation, which is this:

There’s three guys with crossbows, one guy who doesn’t appear armed, Rick at the door, and a Golden Dragonborn tied up to one side of the room. Only one of the Tieflings is paying any kind of attention to the Dragonborn. 

So here’s what 4 does. She gets a small chunk of ice from the ice box, sets a heavy pan quietly on top of it so that they ice is near the edge of the counter, stacks a couple of things on the pan, and then hides near the Dragonborn and waits for the ice to melt enough that everything falls to the floor. When the Tieflings look, she takes advantage of their distraction to get behind the Dragonborn, using him as cover to hide again, and then cuts him free. 

And then 4 and the Dragonborn (Kenneth) laid waste to some Tieflings (it was mostly Kenneth. Tophy came in with some Wasps for the kill).

The whole thing was beautifully planned, and perfectly executed, and I have

NO PROOF.

Normally I record the audio of D&D because it’s always amazing. I didn’t this time and I regret it. 

My plans will never go so smoothly again ever. 

But also I love playing my socially awkward Goblin. 

[goblin-gardens]

@grimark replied to your post “although she is the only one who is currently a literal goblin, i think there’s actually a strong argument to be made about each member of the M9 being actually more Goblin than Nott is”

if you get the time/inclination i would Love to hear about the goblin energy of the rest of the m9

anything for u grim. and anything to tempt you further into the world of Critical Role. i see you liking my “Caduceus Clay is a twink” posts and the good good fjanart i reblog. i see you.

come. stay a while and listen! read my very long and very scientific essay! i will not be disclosing how long this took me, but there are almost 2500 words under the cut.

okay okay okay so the first thing we need to do in this very serious and scientific endeavor is separate Sam Reigel’s MASSIVE Goblin Energy from his character. that man’s Goblid Quotient is OFF THE CHARTS.

when we look at Just Nott (and Veth, which would be a whole nother section but we don’t actually know anything about her??) does she express clear Goblin Traits at a higher rate than the rest of her party? they are generally a pretty gobliny bunch, or they wouldn’t be killing strangers to take their gold, but do they have true Goblin Traits?

Some key elements of Goblinry: 1) Collection Of Crap 2) Chaos 3) Minionhood 4) Gooey Center 5) Laser Pointer Focus 6) Furious Devotion and 7) Hideous Cackling. what’s that? these seven qualities match up with the seven other members of the Mighty Nein, past and present? what a coincidence!!

1) Collection Of Crap, epitomized by: Caleb Widogast. a fairly self explanatory goblin trait. okay so yes, this is a trait Nott has in spades, and is specifically and canonically an aspect of her goblinhood. Caleb, however has chosen to Collect Crap to be a wizard, filling his pockets with spell components including, but by no means limited to, sulfur, molasses, honeycomb, bits of copper wire, and literal bat shit. it’s all just. in his pockets. being slimy. he has also been Collecting the Crap of trauma in his brain for many years, and no fantasy therapist has been around to help him KonMari some of it into healthier boxes. he has also Collected a whole new family to care about, and in many ways, he views that as kinda shitty. (runners up: Jester, with the animals and haversack of holding, Beau, with her constant wanting to know shit, Fjord, with his balls)

2) Chaos, epitomized by: Jester Lavorre. another Goblin trait Nott shares, but Nott hasn’t built a religion out of chaos. she’s not a high priestess of drawing dicks on things. her magic powers don’t some from a divine mandate to fuck shit up. honestly, i feel unconvinced by the assertion that Nott has a Chaotic alignment, while Jester’s CG status is unassailable. pets also up the chaos meter, though this Collection can be attributed to Laura Bailey and this has been taken into consideration. Jester’s childhood in the Lavish Chateau was sort of like a pandora’s jack in the box getting wound tighter and tighter and tighter past all physical comprehension, and though the lid has been lifted, the spring is only just starting to sproing. we haven’t even reached the Zenith yet! (runners up: Molly, with the egg dick incident, and Fjord, with his need to always....... touch..... things......)

3) Minionhood, epitomized by: Fjord “No-Name” Swordvjore. in CR, goblins will work together to target weaker and easy opponents, but aren’t prone to individual heroism and rarely, if ever, go out of their way to save a friend. in their villages, little value is placed on familial relationships or education, they’re not big team players, and everyone has a terrible sense of humor. what do they have in common with Fjord? NOT A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, ACTUALLY. Fjord shows the other side of the coin, like how tactics that don’t rely on using yourself as canon fodder are more successful, or like how the power of friendship and diverse skill sets makes your team stronger. though he is currently examining the negative aspects of his own Minonhood, Fjord has spent much of his life content to be a minion. on a merchant ship, climbing ropes and battening hatches as he was instructed, and now a minion of a mysterious and powerful creature. however, he’s realized this arrangement no longer suits him, and he is looking for other options (like being a paladin??) (runner up: Caduceus Clay, committed WildMinion)

4) Gooey Center, epitomized by: Yasha Nydoorin. the Gooey Center is protected by a spiky, brittle, intimidating, crunchy, and/or off putting exterior.  Yasha is our big, scary, tenderhearted wlw. our giant soft-hearted, angelic, full-of-boiling-murderous-rage, lightning-punching, funeral-not-having runaway who loves her wife and makes us cry. she shaves her arms with her sword. she uses books in non-traditional ways. she vanishes into the night sometimes in a very mysterious and tragic manner. she is our most Romantic player character, and she is super ripped and super queer, which are all aspirational goblin qualities. in practice, most goblins connect with their gooey center by being squished by someone like Yasha, maybe with a giant hammer. (runners up: Caleb, known glass canon with a very crunchy exterior, Beau, puncher of feelings, and Molly, who rudely showed us just how how close that center can be to the surface)

5) Laser Pointer Focus, epitomized by: Caduceus Clay. related to Minionhood, this is the aspect of Goblinry that the leader uses to achieve goals. the dogged focus of a True Goblin is powerful and direct, but can be redirected with the proper pressure or leadership, or lost when a cause or leader is not compelling enough or doesn’t provide adequate payment. the Laser Pointer Focus has an investigatory aspect as well, gathering little bits of info from every which way in moments, though the information gathered is rarely put to use immediately. Caduceus, who sees all but doesn’t always act on it, and is content to support the Nein and follow their meandering path to his goal, checks many of these boxes. (runners up: Fjord, spiritually chasing a laser pointer at all times, Jester, whose laser pointer always points at chaos, and Caleb, a cat)

6) Furious Devotion, epitomized by Beauregard Lionett. also going hand in hand with Minionhood, this is the trait that makes goblins actually willing to die in battle against adventurers and town guards and shit. but it doesn’t require any comfort with or willingness to follow authority, it’s the more feral side of love that is reigned in by Minionhood in true Goblins. this is the part of the Goblin that drive the Collecting of Crap because it genuinely loves all the shit it finds. Beau is a prime example of this trait, especially because as she gets more and more invested in a person or ideal, her willingness to let go, even in the face of likely death, decreases dramatically. see episode 55 for reference, among others. she also has a rather Goblinish inability to effectively communicate the depths of her feelings, though this is sort of an aspect of her defense of her Gooey Center and something she’s actively working on. (runners up: Yasha, very good at using the Fury to pursue the Devotion, and Caleb, even less able to discuss his feelings than Beau)

and finally 7) Hideous Cackling, epitomized by Mollymauk Tealeaf. this is what a Goblin does when surveying their Collection of Crap and the Chaos they have caused. this is how they communicate with fellow Minions in the know, how they react to seeing someone else’s Gooey Center, to catching the Laser Pointer. this is the easiest way to express their feelings of Devotion. the Hideous Cackle of a True Goblin is un-selfconscious and entirely for the benefit of the Cackler. Cackling Hideously is an act of self love. you can find your goblin group by listening to the Discordant Chorus made by Cackling together, and when you’re all reveling in the cacophony, there you are. it’s a little hedonistic and a little punk and a little queer, disregarding conventional expectations of beauty or family or polite behavior, and all about diving deep into the things that you are and the things that make you happy. an extremely Molly philosophy, truth be told. (runner up: Jester, gleeful agent of chaos)

Now lets use a quantifiable rubric to measure these attributes in each member of the M9. these will be X out of 11 because 77 is more of a Goblin Number than 70.

Nott The Brave Collection of Crap-- extremely.  9/11 Chaos-- FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRRRRRR!  8/11 Minionhood-- not really! her love of Caleb is much more protective (of him and his future abilities) than anything else.  3/11 Gooey Center-- ehhh she’s secretive, but her tender spots are other people, not actually her.  5/11 Laser Pointer Focus--  her main goals are all inwardly motivated and have not changed during the campaign.  2/11 Furious Devotion-- her love is extremely powerful.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- a surprisingly low score due to her great potential for growth in the self-love department.  3/11 total score: 40/77. not a bad score, but not Extremely Goblin!

how does that stack up against every one else?

Caleb Collection of Crap-- keeps everything in his pockets except for his cat, which is in his heart.  11/11 Chaos-- absolutely creates it, but lacks proper conviction and glee.  3/11 Minionhood-- while formerly a Minion, he has developed his own purpose, and is no longer eager to follow authority.  1/11 Gooey Center-- easily smashed by any large or medium-sized hammer, but maintains staunch denial of inner Gooeyness.  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has goal, will travel. difficult to redirect.  5/11 Furious Devotion-- literally willing to break the world for people he loves.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- this man has not once consensually Cackled in his  whole life.  -4/11 total score: 34/77. Not Especially Goblin!

Yasha Collection of Crap-- does have a whole book of pressed flowers! Collected Molly and then stuck with the Nein out serendipity/stubbornness.  6/11 Chaos-- she doesn’t really revel in it :/.  5/11 Minionhood-- serves a higher power and follows along the decisions of others in the group, even when not super enthused about them, like going to Xhorhas.  8/11 Gooey Center-- all the Gooeyer for being well protected, and though her emotional walls are not the most formidable in the party, the amount of protected feeling was unexpected  11/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- loyal to two guides, the Stormlord and the M9, though the Stormlord can pull her easily away from the group.  9/11 Furious Devotion-- very very angry.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- could stand to be a bit more open about it.  4/11 Total score: 53/77 Actually Pretty Gobliny!

Fjord Collection of Crap-- collection is limited in scope and volume, but high in Strangeness.  8/11 Chaos-- a troublemaker, for sure and certain.  7/11 Minionhood-- Literally A Minion right now, summons demonic minions on occasion.  11/11 Gooey Center-- he is a twunk and he is mad about it.  6/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- this man cannot resist pushing buttons, be they physical, emotional, or likely to end the word.  9/11 Furious Devotion-- still figuring out where his passions lie, but he cares a lot about his friends.  5/11 Hideous Cackling-- too self conscious! loosen up! needs to Cackle in his own voice.  3/11 total score: 49/77 a respectable Goblin showing.

Beau Collection of Crap-- wants to know everything, is building a family. some points lost for minimalist monk aesthetic.  9/11 Chaos-- aspiring member of Nott the Best Detective Agency, punches people to learn about them.  8/11 Minionhood-- would destroy me for even suggesting it.  -6/11 Gooey Center-- just! wants! everyone! to! get! along!  7/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has no clearcut Mission To Complete, tries to be a voice of reason.  2/11 Furious Devotion-- JUST! WANTS! EVERYONE! TO! GET! ALONG!  11/11 Hideous Cackling-- doesn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks, but is still learning to give a fuck about what she thinks.  5/11 total score: 36/77 second-least Goblin!

Molly Collection of Crap-- behold the coat. 8/11 Chaos-- he has that certain je ne se quois.  10/11 Minionhood-- the Moonweaver in not a fan of her followers following anyone’s orders. also he has his own minions and doesn’t want them  3/11 Gooey Center-- loves openly and without reservation. and also……………………  8/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- Molly’s focus is loving his friends and knowing fuck all.  5/11 Furious Devotion-- found a tall sad lady and made his circus adopt her. gives money to orphans.  7/11 Hideous Cackling-- genuinely personified this action for two years.  11/11 total score: 52/77 not too shabby!

Jester Collection of Crap-- while most of her random shit has potential uses, it’s also a whole lot of random shit. some of its weasels.  10/11 Chaos-- spreading discord is a religious mandate for her. Her powers come from chaos.  11/11 Minionhood-- has limits in what she will support, but is pretty devoted to her friends! easily swept up in other people’s excitement.  8/11 Gooey Center-- physically well-defended, she has the luxury of wearing her heart on her sleeve. 6/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- it might seem like she’s easily distracted, but that’s actually because her surface level attention is secondary. her primary goal is actually Fucking Shit Up.  7/11 Furious Devotion-- gets attached and does. not. let. go.  10/11 Hideous Cackling-- the end goal of everything Jester does is Cackling With The Traveler, and she often succeeds.  10/11 total score: 62/77 Pretty Fucking Goblin!

Caduceus: Collection of Crap-- dude has a swarm of bugs living in his staff.  8/11 Chaos-- NOT a fan of stuff that disrupts the proper order of nature.  4/11 Minionhood-- of all the M9, the one with the guiding principles most defined by another being. a bit of a zealot, by word of Taliesin.  9/11 Gooey Center-- encourages everyone else to talk about their feelings, yet doesn’t talk about his own in the same way. very fragile. please protect this firbolg.  10/11 Laser Pointer Focus-- has a well-defined goal, but not a well defined path. constantly looking for the answers. 11/11 Hideous Cackling-- Cackling is a more intense action than thinking something is nice, but he’s on the right track. 5/11 total score: 47/77 more than a little Goblin!

final ranking (out of 77) 34, Caleb 🐱 36, Beau 👊 40, Nott 🏹 47, Caduceus 🐞 49, Fjord 🗡️ 52, Molly 🎴 53, Yasha ⚡ 62, Jester 🦄

now, 40/77 is by no means a LOW Goblin Quotient, but this single, not peer reviewed study shows that Nott is not, in fact, the ultimate Goblin of the M9. as a goblin of science myself, i absolutely invite further discussion and welcome any additional research into this matter. who do you think is the most Goblin?

happy goblining, friends! it’s thursday!

[fancoloredglasses]

The Metamorph (Koenig’s alive?!)

[All images are owned by ITC Entertainment. Please don’t call your solicitor on me.]

(Thanks to smorris12)

If you read my review of Flash Gordon, you’ll remember the name Brian Blessed, who played Vultan (I won’t repost the picture I used since he really doesn’t have photogenic legs) While his roles in the US besides Vultan have been restricted to mainly voice work (most notably by Lucasfilm and Disney), he has had a number of roles in the UK, including Blackadder and Blake’s 7. He also took a brief turn as a snooker commentator as a joke

(Thanks to bigmossman)

Now, you may be wondering why I’m bringing up Mr. Blessed (who is likely the only person who speaks in BOLDFACE CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!!) in a review of a Space:1999 episode review. Well, read on and find out!

[Quick note: As you see above, season 2 of Space:1999 (shouldn’t it be called Space: 2000 now?) got a spiffy new opening credits sequence (though it reminds me of an 8-bit video game intro) that had no jump-cuts showing previews of the episode. I will admit I would like to see this intro combined with the music from season 1′s intro]

We open with Dr. Russel giving a ship’s log status report. It turns out the moon has only been in deep space for less than a year, but has encountered a space warp that has flung them 6 light years farther away (it’s looking less likely they’ll be rescued) However, Alpha has sustained damage, so Eagle 1 has been sent to survey a nearby planet for titanium to make repairs.

Eagle 1′s scanners find no life signs, but do find pockets of titanium, so Commander Koenig orders them back as they prepare a mining expedition. However, a strange ball of energy emerges from the planet, aimed right at Eagle 1! They attempt to evade the ball, but it follows them until...

...Eagle 1 in enveloped by the energy ball. It then drags Eagle 1 back to the surface as we go to commercial.

Back at Alpha, Koenig wants to know why the scanners picked up no life signs when there clearly is, as someone fired that energy ball (hasn’t he heard of automated defenses?) He tells his technician to scan below the surface (you mean you didn’t do that already?) when...

...the planet makes contact, and it’s none other than Brian Blessed sporting some truly horrid prosthetic eyebrows.

The being identifies himself as Mentor, and identifies the planet as Psychon. Mentor accuses Koenig of aggression, but Koenig says his scanners didn’t detect life. Mentor tells Koenig (whom he identifies by name, despite Koenig not introducing himself) the Eagle was damaged, but the crew is alright (It’s a shame this was filmed before Flash Gordon, because if one of the crew was named Gordon then Mentor could exclaim what has become Brian Blessed’s catchphrase...)

(Thanks to nitefoll)

Koenig asks the crew be returned and they’ll leave (seeing as they have no way to control the moon, I don’t think they have much of a choice) in peace. Mentor agrees, and offers to arrange a landing, but Koenig is hesitant, offering instead that they meet in space between Psychon and the moon. Mentor agrees, and offers to send along the materials Alpha needs (you think it’s a trap? I think it might be a trap) Koenig orders Eagle 4 to prep for launch, along with rocket boosters in case they need to make a quick escape.

On Psychon, Mentor addresses a lion in his chambers, who transforms into...

...his daughter Maya (when they show Maya about to shapeshift, they do a close-up of her eye, showing what she’s changing into) Maya offers to help Mentor with his research to restore their planet, but Mentor gently refuses (you think he might be hiding something?) After Maya is sent scurrying along, Mentor tells his minions to “prep the Alpha pilots”. That’s not ominous at all...

Meanwhile on Alpha, we get a sequence showing the crew of Eagle 4 preparing to launch crewed by Koenig, Dr. Russel, and two random crew members (gee, I wonder who’s going to die...). The Eagle flies to the rendezvous point and Koenig contacts Mentor, who sends his vessel to meet them.

However on Alpha, Duty Officer Verdeschi orders a scan of Mentor’s vessel and finds there are no life signs (not even the crew of Eagle 1) and contacts Eagle 4. Just then, the vessel hits Eagle 4 with a magnetic field and pulls it down to the surface (I KNEW IT!) However, thanks to Koenig’s forethought, they use the rocket boosters to break free and escape.

...or do they? The ship transforms into another energy ball which envelops Eagle 4 just like it did Eagle 1, bringing them to the surface. Outside, they see...

...they weren’t the first to be “invited” to Psychon. Mentor appears on the monitor to smooth over things when the pilots to Eagle 1 enter Mentor’s chamber. One cries out to Koenig to not trust Mentor. He is then zapped unconscious for his efforts. Mentor orders the crew of Eagle 4 to stay in their ship. Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Koenig leads the crew to a nearby cave

Meanwhile, Mentor has strapped one of the Eagle 1 pilots into a chair and lowers some sort of headgear on him and...

...I’m pretty sure he’s not experiencing “holographic wow”

Back on Alpha, Verdeschi has the command center crew scan for Eagle 4, but to no avail. (this was put in to remind the viewer the moon is still up there. I wonder how long until it floats out of range of the Eagles)

Back on Psychon, Maya is once again being nosy about Mentor’s work. Mentor assures her that the Alpha crew have agreed to help (for a very loose definition of “agree”)

Meanwhile, Koenig and the crew of Eagle 4 are nosing around the caves when they discover...

...what are likely the crews of the other spaceships being used as slave labor, Dr. Russel observes that they move and act like something happened to their brains. As they explore further, they see one of the crew of Eagle 1 acting the same way (yep, that expression wasn’t orgasmic) Then one of Mentor’s guards discovers the crew.

Well, so much for stealth. Mentor shows up in a hologram telling the crew to surrender, as they are surrounded by an energy field.. One of the crew attempts to fire through the field...

...yeah, that didn’t work so well. Koenig retreats with the rest of the crew, so Mentor sends an energy ball that teleports the crew.

Koenig wakes up in a cell and finds a lion outside (note: the lion and Martin Landeau were never in the same shot, so don’t worry about his safety) As Koenig backs as far away as possible (like that would help if it was hungry), the lion transforms into Maya. Koenig is pissed, but Maya doesn’t know why, as her father would harm no one (looks like Koenig isn’t the only one Mentor has been lying to) She then takes him to Mentor.

In Mentor’s lab...

...Mentor prepares the surviving Eagle 1 pilot and the crew of Eagle 4 for a little “holographic AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!” as Maya escorts Koenig inside. However, Mentor shoos Maya away so he can torture Koenig they can discuss their business in private.

Mentor explains that his computer is working on terraforming Psychon into what it was before a planetary disaster destroyed the surface. However, it is powered by the mental energy of living beings (which explains the state of the slave labor) He then tells Koenig to order his people to the surface or...

...he’ll use his computer to destroy the moon. However, Koenig calls Mentor’s bluff, stating better to die quickly than wind up like whatever the beings in the mines have become.

Mentor then shows Koenig the “holographic AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!” and turns on the device. Koenig relents, calling Alpha and making up a bullshit story about settling (well, he’s not completely lying...) and orders the evacuation of Alpha, enacting “Directive Four″ (I’m guessing that’s a code for “Everything’s gone FUBAR”) As the transmission ends, Mentor frees the others. When they confront Koenig about selling out Alpha, Koenig storms off.

On Alpha, Verdeschi tells the staff in the command center what “Directive Four” means: “Destroy the place I’m transmitting from” (meaning Psychon in this case) The crew is wondering what will happen to the crew still on the planet. Verdeschi says he has his orders (I’m expecting a heroic rescue)

On the planet, the landing party (including Koenig) have been returned to their cell, but everyone else is giving Koenig a wide berth.

Back on Alpha, Verdeschi prepares the assault of Psychon, sending a drone Eagle with a payload heavy enough to destroy the planet. In Mentor’s lab, Mentor has Maya scan the Eagle and discovers the deception. Maya immediately goes to confront Koenig.

Koenig tries to convince Maya the truth about Mentor, but Maya has been too well shielded and doesn’t believe him. He then tells her about the other beings and the caves (where she’s never been) and to see for herself. Maya goes into complete denial and runs away.

However, where she runs is to the caves where...

...she finds out the horrible truth.

In space, Mentor destroys the drone eagle, then prepares to do the same to the moon. He sets up a hologram so Koenig and the others can watch him do it... just as Maya returns. Koenig sends the others to prepare for liftoff as he and Maya go to confront Mentor.

Upon reaching Mentor’s lab...

...Koenig destroys the computer. Mentor says it will destroy Psychon, but Koenig persists. Eventually, the planet begins to break apart. Koenig tries to save Mentor, but he’d rather die with his planet (and all that romantic bullshit), but tells Koenig to save Maya. However...

...Maya uses her shapeshifting abilities to attempt to break free and stay with her father. However, the roof eventually collapses on Mentor and there’s no reason to stay. The pair arrive at Eagle 4 and they lift off...

...just in time. Koenig and Maya share a Moment as the credits roll.