#minerva paradizo 1

[af-answers]

[characterswithgodsnamesbattle]

Round 1 Poll 7

Minerva, Roman goddess of war, wisdom and handcraft, is Athena's equivalent

Demeter is the Greek goddess of agriculture

[checkoutmybookshelf]

We Haven't Technically Come Full Circle Yet, But This Is Where You Know We're Going To

Ok, so even for the most die hard Artemis Fowl fans, this tends to be the book where they say the story and/or the worldbuilding goes off the rails. I am not that Artemis Fowl fan, and it wasn't until the relisten (my hardcovers are in Dad's Basement in Alaska, so lately I've been audiobooking this series) that I really understood why I wasn't as thrown by the seemingly sudden shift as everyone else was. And it's a subtle cue, but it's one that I think actually works. So let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony.

*SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS*

The first Artemis Fowl book begins with Artemis and Butler sweating half to death in Ho Chi Minh City trying to buy a lead to a Fairy. It's an opening that tells us we are going to deal with heists, kidnapping, and Artemis being very much the bad guy. It gives us the genre we are going to be working in, and that's basically crime fiction, with Artemis learning not to be a complete dickhead as the character arc. We get that and it basically finishes out with The Opal Deception.

The beginning of The Lost Colony mirrors the beginning of that first book. It starts with Artemis and Butler sweating half to death on a sidewalk in Barcelona waiting for a demon to materialize. We as readers are back to--to borrow a phrase from Robert Jordan--if not THE beginning, A beginning. This is where the book tells you that we are revamping the series, and there are even clues that this will be more of a fairy tale than a crime novel. And that there will be a metric fraggle rock ton of time travel, which holds true for all the rest of the Artemis Fowl novels. Time in general is a key theme in the later books, as Artemis himself tells us when he responds to Butler's query about whether the demon is beaming down from space with "Not space, old friend, [...] Time."

We also get the most hilarious self-actualized Artemis-ism on his own puberty in this chapter:

"It's this blasted puberty, Butler. Every time I see a pretty girl, I waste valuable mind space thinking about her. The girl at that restaurant, for instance. I've glanced in her direction a dozen times in the past few minutes."

And aside from being hilarious, this also cues us into the fact that The Lost Colony is a new beginning for Artemis and the series. Our boy finally hit puberty, and he is not the same cold, focused, calculating little asshole we remember from book 1. Everything about this chapter screams "Hey, remember the first book? This ain't that." It cues the reader that this will be something different, something unexpected. I kind of love this symmetrical asymmetry approach to revamping the series.

We also get the fun of watching two geniuses mastermind against each other while learning how to puberty, and honestly I love that Minerva Paradizo exists. She is a nice little nod to the fact that Artemis is really going to be TORN between the human and fairy worlds. As I believe Philippa Boynes said of the end of Return of the King, if you want to make Frodo going with Sam have weight, you have to give him the other choice. And Eoin Colfer is setting Artemis up to HAVE the choice.

As far as our demons and wrlocks go, mostly what I have to say is that No. 1 is a delightful little cinnamon roll and I love him and I want to scritch his little demon horns.

Now. The other massive thing we need to talk about here is the climax of the book, because Artemis high-key just...time travels. And steals magic. But mostly MOTHERFUCKING TIME TRAVELS. And saves Holly's life with math. But again, TIME TRAVELS. At the end of this book, Artemis is yeeted three years into the future, so he is a 14-year-old body with a 25-year-old brain in a temporal location where he is supposed to be 17. It's peak wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball of stuff. Artemis also has one of Holly's eyes and a little spark of magic. Our boy is fully in fairy tale territory here, and this book was structured really brilliantly to transition the readers from middle grade crime fiction to borderline YA fairy tales. And honestly, if you're willing to let criminal mastermind Artemis go and grow with him (or just consider the series as having two distinct halves, as I do), then I don't actually think the series falls apart in the latter half.

Lots of Artemis Fowl fans might disagree with me on this assessment, and that's fine. You can love on the first 3-4 books and just pretend the second half of the series doesn't exist. But I really love the change, and from a purely structural, writer perspective, Eoin Colfer pulled off an IMPRESSIVE AS HELL shift.

[sinigangrobot]

[anastaciusarklov]

Artemis, Holly, Minerva, Butler, Julius, Foaly and mulch respectively.

[jei-rifni]

https://youtu.be/hjO5nFSzBMI

@a-c-u-l-o-s I dunno if this counts as chaos but its funky either way, thanks.

Its dumb i know but i put in WAY too much effort to make it. Ft my face. (ALSO IM NOT WEARING A SONKOK ITS SUPPOSED TO BE OLD MAN HAIR I DONT HAVE A WIG) also it was like 31 degrees c outside making this so im glad its not so hot (thats why i, able to wear a coat thing ) i still sweat but not as much

Yeah just uh say something nice in the replies and ill send you the carboard thing (if youre willing to give me your address that is) also yes i did fall for real and yes it did actually hurt un-intentionally

[transhollyshort]

Do you ever think about how minerva and no.1 became close friends after the lost colony or

[lyssq]

No 1: Aren’t you a little young to be hunting inter-dimensional creatures?

Minerva:

[pokegeek151]

A sneak peek of altus, alti chapter 3

It was not long before the turmoil of his emotions came to the surface. He was not so naive that he couldn’t recognize his jealousy by now, but that didn’t make him any less confused.

He did not hate Bianca. In fact, if circumstances had been different, he might have even appreciated her easy, almost magnetic charm. He understood why Minerva had been drawn to her.

‘Had been’ wasn’t the case, though, and that was the heart of the issue. Artemis had no memories of meeting Bianca before his death, but he was willing to bet that she and Minerva had behaved much the same way when they were dating as he had seen today. Bianca offered things in a partner that Artemis did not. She was suave and romantic seemingly effortlessly, for one thing. And the touching. Artemis was not blind; Minerva enjoyed affectionate contact, even platonically. Hand holding, physical proximity, gentle, thoughtless touches were all part of Minerva’s ‘vocabulary,’ and Artemis could not keep up. 

Minerva was always considerate of his boundaries, seeking permission and letting him initiate contact. He sifted through his memories from Before, studying how they had touched in the past. Spending time with Minerva brought back new memories for him frequently, but he wasn’t always aware of it. The images and accompanying senses slotted so neatly into his existing memories that it was as if they were never missing.

Even in his oldest memories, Minerva had been forced to hold herself back for his comfort. He wanted to make her happy, but he was not willing to put himself to that level of discomfort. Bianca could, though. She welcomed the easy touches. She sought them out. She complemented Minerva beautifully, and Minerva deserved someone like that. Artemis knew this. Minerva’s happiness made him happy, and he wasn’t afraid to admit that. Furthermore, he had no romantic interest in her.

So why did it hurt to see Minerva and Bianca acting like a couple?

[golden--spark]

Artemis Fowl : The Last Colony

There wasn’t supposed to be a materialization today. If there was, then that would mean Artemis was right, as usual, and a lot more demons were on the way. If that happened, then Artemis Fowl and Holly Short would be up to their necks in the whole saving-the-fairy-race thing, yet again.

Colfer, Eoin. Artemis Fowl: Books 5-8. Penguin Books Ltd.

[af-answers]

Mod: Who hasn't told their favorite joke yet?

Minerva: I haven't.

No. 1: Me neither! But you go first, Minnie!

Minerva: .... to be honest, mon ami, my best joke is still the quark one.

Artemis: *chuckles* It gets me every time.

No.1: Oh! Well, then I'll tell mine? Ehem... What kind of dinosaur writes romance novels?

Myles: That's obvious. None. Dinosaurs could not write.

Beckett: T-Rexes might have had the same mating rituals as crocodiles!

Minerva: Nevermind them, what's the answer, Numéro un?

No.1: Right! It's the Brontësaurus.

Beckett: Good one! Now Lazuli, you tell one.

Lazuli: No, I'm not that funny.

Beckett: Come on!

Myles: Don't encourage her to embarrass herself, Beck.

Lazuli: .... Myles' love life.

Artemis: *spits out tea*

What’s the best jokes each one of you had said? (How bad were they Artemis?)

Mod: As for their “best jokes…”

Artemis: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Holly: Someone asked me to lend them $5 yesterday. “Sorry,” I said, “I’m a little short.” (Get it? It works on so many levels!) Now you tell one, Butler!

Butler: I don’t tell jokes.

Mulch: Yeah, me neither, big guy. My humor is flatulence and sarcasm centered.

Foaly: I tell the best jokes, but no one ever gets them. Like this one: “A neutrino walks through a bar.”

Holly: How would a gun walk anywhere?

Artemis and Myles: I get it.

Beckett: Oo! I have one I have one! What do you call a fly with no wings?

All: ……….

Beckett: A walk!

All groan, except Mulch, who laughs maniacally

[raghu2fowl]

In The Lost Colony:

most of one wall was taken up by a mirror

Papa is in the nearby mirror.

A voice boomed through a wall-mounted speaker. 'Not everything. His figures were flawed. But my young genius Minerva figured it out. I'll get you a pony for this, darling. Whatever colour you like.' Minerva waved at the mirror. 'Thank you, Papa. You should know by now that I don't like ponies. Or ballet.' The speaker laughed. 'That's my little girl. What about a trip to Disneyland, Paris? You could dress as a princess.'

He sees and knows what's going on in the interrogation room.

Kong did not respond well to cynicism, especially from a little reptilian creature. In one fluid motion, he flicked the safety off his weapon and fired three shots, blowing apart the headrest of No.l 's seat. The imp's face was showered with sparks and splinters, and the sound of the shots echoed like thunder in the confined space. Minerva was furious. She began screaming long before anyone could hear her.

Any one of those shots could have ricocheted and hit Minerva. But Papa seemingly does not come out of his room. We know this because :

Next door, Papa Paradizo, hearing his daughter's screams, closed his phone and began to turn...

So, just because he was on a call, Papa did not come to Minerva's aid. Well, this is blowing my mind. Does anyone feel the same way, or is it just me? Just curious.

[degenerate-perturbation]

tagged by @sharlatan-ka for top 10 favorite female characters, but that's way too intimidating a question to figure out so instead I will use this opportunity to showcase a bunch of female characters that became my favorites in large part because of how much everyone hates or disregards them

1. Vivienne de Fer, Dragon Age. Easily one of the most interesting characters in all three games, certainly the most interesting character in Dragon Age: Inquisition. If people put even the tiniest fraction of the effort into her that they do into Background Man #3 the world would be an immeasurably better place.

2. Isis Ishtar, Yu-Gi-Oh! What makes me mad about this one is that Isis had the exact same abusive childhood that her brothers did (with Bonus Misogyny!) but people still act like she's fine and that she'd be a force of uncomplicated conservatism and traditionalism and wouldn't have any trauma relating to anything that happened to her. What's wrong with you guys. She is clearly super traumatized. Also I thought she was really pretty and was super hypnotized by her outfit in the Battle City finals.

3. Minerva Paradizo, Artemis Fowl. I remember reading the fifth book in this series as a young child and instantly taking a liking to her because oh wow, she's just like Artemis but a girl :) She's so cool and pretty and awesome and the type of character I can project onto the way I can absolutely not project onto the Action Girls in this series I can't wait to see what fanfiction there is about her :) And that is how I discovered the ridiculously disproportionate amount of hatred this fictional French 12-year-old girl had garnered even unto having her be written out of the sequels, and this my friends is when I began to know true hatred.

4. Mai, Avatar: The Last Avatar. Everyone was like bluh bluh she's so boring she doesn't deserve Zuko. Fuck off, she loved him, she deserves nice things, I hate you. Also she is hot.

5. Misa Amane, Death Note. Another character who I shipped with their love interest as a child solely on the principle of "She's so pretty and nice, she deserves to have whatever she wants including that ain't-shit man she's in love with." I love and defend every female character who loves somebody honestly and openly and has their love thrown back in their face, they deserve to be loved too!!! Also all the Light/L fanfiction that wrote her out or cast her as a stupid airhead made me mad. Death Note would have been better if Misa had been a serious player in the game.

Okay there are probably more but none more off the top of my head so here are 5 more female characters that I related to or saw myself in at one point or another in my life and therefore will always be a little bit special to me.

6. Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls. At Mabel's age I was actually kind of a misanthropic goth kid drawing pictures of my school blowing up which in this day and age would probably get me collected by CPS, but maybe around ages 16-19 I was very much like Mabel. I had a sticker book of over 5000 Lisa Frank stickers and I would use them to decorate my phone case with a solid collage of rainbow dolphins and princesses, like a fucking fruit.

7. Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation. I really liked Leslie because she was too much but in a way that was cast in a completely positive light. Her meddlesomeness and earnestness and try-hard nature are things we are supposed to like about her even when it causes problems. As somebody who has historically been Too Much this was really nice to see.

8. Undyne, Undertale. Undyne is a Vriska, but good. As someone who hated Vriska because she was kind of all my worst characteristics (as I understood them) rolled into a single horrible character, so Undyne was also a comforting character to see portrayed positively.

9. Utena Tenjou, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Self explanatory.

10. I can't think of a tenth character so I'm just going to say Eowyn from Lord of the Rings but not really the film version. Film Eowyn is fine but not enough of a huge bitch. Book Eowyn is a problematic depressed bitch and she still gets defeat big-deal villains and have nice men fall in devoted love with her because she's awesome and the best.

Anyway, the end. Tagging uhhh you usual bastards @linksawakening @transcastiels @rem-ir @beanplague @yamitamiko @skullhaver @fractalwriter get cracking sluts

[fowlbyname45]

Checkmate?

"Minerva, I believe it is time for a chess match. Since you are visiting the Manor during these summer holidays, I figure an intellectual match of friendly competition is long overdue", Artemis Fowl II said to his French friend Minerva Paradizo. The blonde girl in question smiled smugly. Of course she would play chess against him. It was the perfect way, after all, to show that she was just as intelligent-if not more so-than her Irish opponent.

"Oui. Let the games begin", she replied confidently. The two genii sat down across from each other, with only a chessboard and a score to settle between them.

"Ladies first", Artemis said gallantly. Minerva rolled her eyes at his falsely sweet attitude and moved her first piece. Then she raised her eyes from the board, smirking, and said "Your move, Artemis Fowl."

The already heated match lasted for 20 minutes...an hour...90 minutes. At this point, Minerva appeared to be ahead, and she wasn't afraid to show it, using banter and smug looks to distract the boy across from her. Artemis, on the other hand, was not getting on so easily-or so it would seem. He appeared to second guess every move he made, and resorted to running his fingers through his hair and grinding his teeth at every move his opponent made.

The game continued, with Minerva's confidence yeiding successful results, while Artemis just kept seeming silently distraught. Normally, at this point, the French girl would start becoming suspicious of the boy's game play, as he was usually just as confident and smug as her, if not more. But Minerva was so caught up in her own foolhardy confidence that she barely took notice.

After a few more moves each way, the blonde genius moved a piece across the board and said triumphantly "Check!" One more move from the uncharacteristically nervous Irish boy, and victory would be hers.

As she looked at Artemis expectantly, waiting for him to make the move that would lead to his demise, she was surprised to see his signature self-satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he moved the piece that took Minerva's king.

Artemis looked up at her, mischief in his dark blue eyes, and said "Checkmate." Minerva felt her cheeks getting warmer as she spluttered "You...you tricked me! You...sand bagged me!"

Artemis shrugged. "I know you, Minerva. I knew you would be so eager to beat me and so confident in your ability to do so that you wouldn't notice my sneak attack method. Towards the beginning of the game, I thought you might be right. You were making excellent moves; I thought your arrogance might actually be validated. But as you got closer to, as you so believed, winning, your game play took a turn for the worse, allowing me to get closer to my prize. Not to mention I portrayed through my body language a player who was a nervous wreck; he was going to lose, and he knew it", the Irish boy explained, smiling his wolfish smile.

Minerva gave her opponent a good, hard scowl and began ranting in rapid French. (Perhaps she forgot that Artemis could speak many languages, French indeed being one of them.) The Irish boy chuckled at her choice words as she stalked out of the room, muttering "J'aurais pu gagner" under her breath.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Two things: #1) Yes, sand bagged is a real term and #2) "J'aurais pu gagner" means "I should have won" in French.

@forgotten-golden-curl-goddess

[artemis-fowl-angst]

Sorry for anyone who can’t read cursive

If you’d like I could add a translation to text.

(Mini HC, Myles used to do it exactly like Artemis but then found a glued in entry in one of his journals and changed his own pattern so they wouldn’t match)