#mine is like 8 years old still looks and works great

[cinemaocd]

So glad that Wayne Goss hits back at Rephyr for undercutting his sales and produces a couple pencil brushes, remarkably similar to their #3 brush for his new $500 brush collection. He's right to do it.

Rephyr is the supposedly crowd sourced brush and accessory company, that distributes free brushes to youtubers and offers deals for you to review their products and receive them for free. You are charged for shipping, so they come out to about 50% of their (in my opinion) slightly inflated value. They are famous for reproducing cult fabvorites of the youtuber community, many that are discontinued.

It's all well and good but what about when you are presenting brushes that clearly imitate cult favorites still on the market? Rephyr made several close copies of Wayne Goss brushes, in fact his entire "eye set" from his first collection, down to the brush. They were still being sold on Beautylish, so that at the discounted price Rephyr ws undercuting beautylish by $1-2.

I own many rephyr brushes and they are good. I've no complaints about the quality but I've never thought rephyr brushes were as soft as the Wayne Goss and Sonia G brushes they clearly copy. I do appreciate the shapes and the fact that they specialize in discontinued brushes. One wonders though, when it's a couple of small businesses you are targeting, whether it's a chicken or the egg thing: we knock off your brushes, your brushes are discontinued...

[henry7931]

Great Shift; On The Farm

Andy:

I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to my new body especially since it belonged to my big brother Henry.

But Henry is having an even harder time with things. We are polar opposites and he hates having my “scrawny gay” body. (His words not mine)

That’s why my parents thought it would be a great idea for me to spend the summer with my grandpa on the farm.

My grandpa was also shifted into my cousin Garrett’s body which makes us the same age now. Weird right?

So when I arrive I see my grandpa outside in Garrett’s body doing some work. And I’m surprised by how he looks. It’s been years since I’ve seen Garrett and his body looks a lot different.

Handsome, I might say.

I feel myself getting somewhat excited about the thought but immediately turned it down in my head. That’s still my cousin’s body with my grandpa in it.

I get dropped off by my dad (who’s in our neighbor Rogers body).

“Hey dad! You never looked better,” he says to my grandpa.

“Yeah and you look older,” he says with a big smirk and a wink.

“Geez, thanks.”

“Andy! How are you bud?” says my grandpa pulling me in for a hug and I can feel his shirtless sweaty body rubbing up on me.

“Hey grandpa!” I say trying not to get a boner.

“Oh no! I’m not grandpa anymore, I’m just Harry now.”

“Oh okay, sorry.”

“Hey don’t apologize, you and I are going to have a lot of fun this summer.”

Grandpa or ‘Harry’ messes up my hair a bit.

“Great, I can’t wait!”

My dad says goodbye to us as I grab my bags. Grandpa or Harry— walks in with me and we catch up for a few.

“How are things for you Andy? Are you adjusting well to your brother’s body?”

“ I guess so, at least better than Henry with mine. I don’t know it’s all still odd to me.”

“Well I know it takes time but just embrace it. This is probably permanent and as much as I hate it for your cousin— I’ve accepted his body as my own. I actually feel comfortable in it. Plus, your cousin was a prick prior to everything— god love him. I’d say this humbled him. Probably will humble Henry too. I remember when those boys used to pick on you.”

“Yeah…” I said looking down at my brothers hands. Flashbacks from years ago started to fill my head back when Henry and Garrett used to trick me into doing stupid stuff.

“But that doesn’t matter now, Andy. This is the new us. So let’s enjoy ourselves! Wanna beer? You’re old enough now haha.”

“Uhhh sure!”

We both sat at the table and drank beer together.

I listen to Harry talk but I can’t take my eyes off of his shirtless chest.As he’s talking, he pulls off his shoes and I can instantly smell his stinky feet.

He pulls his sock off and now I have a full view of his foot. He notices me looking and says, “sorry that smell so bad.”

“No you’re good, I don’t mind.”

“Oh no! What if I—”

He takes Garrett’s foot puts it up close to my face.

I jump back to make it seem like I was grossed out.

“Hahaha sorry! Just wanted to make you jump! You have no idea how much I appreciate these smelly toes…” he says rubbing his foot. “I used to have a hard time walking and now I can do anything!”

Harry continues to tell me about how things are so different from when he was originally 21. And I learned so much about him that I didn’t know.

Hours past and it’s around 8. We cook dinner together and both of us were pretty lit by then.

We eat and by this point both of us are ready for bed.

Harry, who doesn’t seem to have a care in the world and is way more hammered than me, strips off all of his clothes down to his briefs.

He crawls into bed and tells me to give him a hug. I do and I notice something strange… he’s fondling his crotch.

Oh my!! He has a boner! Even the head of his dick is coming out of his briefs.

Of course I don’t point it out, I just try to say good night to him.

But before he lets me go he gives me a kiss on the lips. It took me so off guard and yet I felt that same excited energy like earlier. As I pull back, he says to me, “you just wait, this is going to be the best summer yet.”

“Okay Harry, I’ll see you in the morning.”

I hit the light and look at him in bed. My dick gets hard just at the sight of his feet.

I walk up to him and snoring. I carefully bend down and sniff them.

Fuckkkkk…

I go to the guest bedroom, licking my lips from Harry’s sloppy kiss and kick off all of the clothes I had on.

I look at Henry’s reflection in the mirror. I’ve had some shame about being put into this body. And yet it wasn’t anything I could control.

I think about what Harry said to me. “Embrace my new body.”

Well I guess if this is mine permanently then I need to accept it.

I sit on the ground and look at the feet that used to belong to my big brother… but they’re mine now. I control them. And you know what? Like I them!

I grab on to MY 10 inch dick and started pumping it. Letting out grunts… shit it feels so good! I haven’t jerked off since the shift…

I rub my hands over my chest and back down to my thighs. I feel my butt cheeks and grab on to one.

I watch myself in the bedroom mirror making lustful faces to myself. Although I look like some country boy, I’m still the same skinny gay guy deep down. Or maybe I’m now something in the middle?

I feel my balls tighten and I knew I was close. Cum squirts out of me and it’s so much of it.

I feel so much relief, it’s been so long!

I clean myself up and try my cum for the first time.

I lay back in bed and begin to slowly fall asleep.

The Next Morning…

“Hey bud, you ready to start our day?” says Harry.

My first thing I see in morning is Harry’s bulge. Half way awake I’m almost tempted to touch it.

“Good morning…”

I pull the blanket off of me and Harry has a big grin across his face.

“Someone must have been having a good dream,” he says directing to my crotch.

I look down at my naked frame and my raging morning wood.

“Oh sorry!” I say tossing the blanket back over.

“Oh don’t be! Also, don’t worry about hiding your parts from me. Especially that handsome thing you got between your legs.”

I pull the blanket back and Harry sits by my bed.

“Do you mind if I?” he says gesturing to it again.

“Sure!”

Harry grabs my dick and I let out a little grunt.

He starts running his fingers all over and I’m in such a state of shock I almost thought it was all a dream.

“Boy this is such a good lookin cock! Sorry for playing with your junk. I’m just so horny in this body and it’s been a bit since I’ve seen someone else’s bits.”

“I don’t mind at all Harry.”

Harry continues to fondle my wood and it’s almost too much to handle. I need to just tell him how I feel, I mean he can’t make it more obvious on his feelings.

“Harry!”

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something?”

“What is it?”

“I’m so attracted to you, I don’t know if it’s right or wrong but I want you so bad right now.”

“Well, I have to say that I have the same feelings. And honestly don’t know what to do with them either.”

“Well we could just act on them…”

Harry puts my cock down and gets close to my face.

“If we do this we can’t go back.”

“I know.”

“Also we can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell a single person.”

“Good.”

Harry kisses me with so much passion, he kisses down my neck, my chest, all the way until he’s face to face with my cock.

Harry sucks me off and I watch him work my dick. He feels up and down my Harry balls.

“Ohhhh god Harry!!!”

His warm mouth feels so good. I can only hold out for so long….

“Fuccccc!!!!! Harry! I’m gonna cum!”

I expected him to pull back but he keeps his mouth on my dick.

I explode into Harry’s mouth. He sucks all of it out of me until I’ve released every last drop.

He looks up at me with a big grin and cum dripping from his lips, “you taste good bud!”

“Thanks lol, so… do you want me to…”

Before I can say anything Harry yanks off his underwear and lays back in bed.

“Show me what you got,” he says with a smirk.

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

[rafescvntyclubgf]

Mine - JJ Maybank One Shot

+18 Minor DNI Fluff & Angst

JJ x KookExGirlfriend!Reader

⭐️ republished ⭐️

+18 Minor DNI

🪄 warnings: language, name calling, child birth and it’s side effects.

📖 JJ’s ex is pregnant and the baby is his 💕

5k

Reader’s POV:

JJ has come by every day since the breakup, never at the same time. His beautiful blue eyes still find a way to catch mine. I iced him out completely, ghosting him only a few weeks after we made it official.

We had been pining after each other for years, rushing into everything when we finally got what we both wanted. We never once thought about playing it safe, fucking raw in the back of his Bronco that night, and every chance we got after that. We couldn’t get enough of each other… Every time we were alone, our hands were on each other, clothes thrown across the room, tangled up in sheets.

“Fuck that,” was the last thing I heard him mumble to John B before he and his friends disappeared for weeks. They talked about hooking up, girlfriends, and how the last thing they want to deal with is a pregnant one after John B. and Sarah had a scare of their own. ‘We’re too young. They’re too expensive. I’m not ready for that shit. Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? There’s no way in hell’.

And here I stand.

Nine months and five days along, hiding it from him because, at this point, I’d instead go at it alone. I didn’t know where he went, and when he came back, something had happened. I could tell something was going on with him and Kiara. The longer I was away, the closer they got. He seemed happier with her. I can do this myself… even though I don’t want that. Not at all.

He still calls me from time to time. Usually late at night when I’m already asleep. JJ doesn’t always leave a message, but when he does, it’s a jumbled mess of drunken words.

I’ve shut out all my friends. The only people that know are my parents and the little old lady next door. They think it’s some random tourists. My parents kicked me out on my ass after I decided to keep the baby. 'You think you’re so grown? You think you can handle this pinching pennies? What kind of life is that?’ They gave me up that day. 'If you want to act like trash, you can live like trash.’

But who’s the actual trash here?

As much as I wanted to return to my simple life, I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t bring myself to get the abortion they were more than willing to pay for. I went from a Kook to a Pogue in a matter of seconds. And, at my twenty-week appointment, when I saw that little boy in my tummy, I knew I made the right choice.

I snagged an office job pretty fast: a beautiful spot, a real-estate agency close to the beach. The clientele is great, Pogues with just enough money to hire someone to sell their little shacks instead of doing it themselves. Work, community college, sleep, rinse, and repeat. I’ve saved enough to buy a crib and some basics… Stopping by the thrift store just off Figure 8 to nab some Kook’s hand-me-downs. I want to give this little boy the life he deserves… I want to prove my parents wrong.

I’m sure they’ll have a change of heart after the baby is born, rushing to plunge that silver spoon straight into his mouth and 'save him from all this.’ But, come to find out, this life saved me. An existence under their thumb is not where I wanted to be. I don’t want to raise a Kook. I want to raise a Pogue. I just wish I knew what I was doing. I really wish I had Jayj.

You look out the large front window, watching as he passes by, surfboard looped under his arm as he steps toward beach access. His eyes drift your way, turning ahead before he disappears again. Shit. You look down at your stomach, watching the baby turn, your round tummy rolling with the baby’s movements.

Like clockwork, you’re hit with a braxton hicks contraction. Your belly squeezes taunt, breathing strained, causing you to draw little breaths, blowing them slow. You look up at the wall, watching the clock strike 5. Yes. Grabbing the armrest, you struggle to stand, pressing yourself up. You waddle toward the door, turning the open sign to close before nabbing your keys.

The warm summer air kisses your skin as you pass through the door; the sunset paints the sky in the west. Fuck. Your stomach contracts again, a contraction so intense you have to grab the brick wall for support, eyes screwing shut as you breathe through it again. “Hey…” Your heart sinks, eyes flashing open as you meet JJ’s wide gaze.

“Hi,” you force the word through tight lips, still clutching the wall.

“Are you okay?” He asks gently. JJ’s stare falls down your body, landing on your bump, your hand cradling the bottom out of sheer practice.

“M'fine,” you whimper as you turn quickly, clipping toward your shitty little car before he can ask anymore, tears brimming in your eyes.

JJ’s POV:

I watch her car slow-roll over the speed bump, steering through the parking lot into her tiny carport. My muscles are tense; emotion pooled in my eyes as I watch her battle to get out of her car. I know she’s pregnant. I didn’t ask. It was the first thing I wanted to blurt out. Even though my dad’s a grade-A asshole, he still taught me that shit ain’t polite. I just didn’t think she would disappear that fast. She grabs the handrail, heading up the steps, pulling open the apartment door before falling out of sight.

Everything was fine until I left… And, when I came back, she was gone. She fuckin’ vanished, dropping me for no one, from what I’ve seen, at least. She’s shut herself in completely, never coming out.

I couldn’t help but check on her every chance I got. Make sure she’s okay. I should have known something was off. Her family’s loaded. There’s no reason that Kook Princess should be hanging out around here. She should be off at some fancy-ass college, living the dream. The second I saw her in that office, red flags should have been waving left and right, but they didn’t.

She didn’t want to talk. I could tell… The look in her eye was enough to let me know to stay the hell away. That, paired with the fact that she never called me back. Most of the time I wasted… I can’t lie. It was probably for the best. But she saw my number and chose to ignore it; decided to leave it unanswered. Somethin’s goin’ on… Maybe she’s gotta new boyfriend. There’s no reason why she’d be here otherwise… Unless there’s more to the story. 

Maybe all this is 'cause I told her I loved her. I don’t know, but that’s the last thing I said before I left. And I still feel it. I still love that woman. Maybe she wasn’t ready. Maybe she was ready, and I left, and she started to second guess everything. I mean, how could she not? I vanished, then she did… Can I really fault her for doing the same exact shit?

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

My body jumps, chills running down my spine as headlights flood my rearview mirror. Goddamnit. I’ve gotta make a decision, in or out; am I gonna do this or not? I stomp on the gas, speeding ahead, barreling away as my tears break free.

She was a good girl before she met me. I wasn’t a virgin, but she was. She gave that to me. I don’t think she was sleeping around with anyone else.

That baby’s mine. I know it.

Reader’s POV:

DING.

You drag your body over to the microwave, snagging your TV dinner. The apartment is quiet, just the lull of the evening news playing in the background. Plopping down on the weathered couch, you snag the remote, flicking through the channels aimlessly until you find your comfort show, snuggling in a little more as you swirl your spaghetti on your fork.  

Grabbing the remote, you turn it a little louder, trying your best to drown out the thoughts raging in your head. The interaction with Jayj, the horror in his eyes, the way you left, fleeing the scene altogether. I miss him. Every part of him. God, he is so fucking beautiful. Those goddamn eyes, and that perfect face, his voice. I - DRIP. DRIP.

You look between your thighs, a wet spot gathering on your sweatpants, dribbling onto the floor below. You pinch the bridge of your nose, expiring a frustrated breath. As if this day wasn’t mortifying enough, let me add pisses your pants to the list… You close your eyes softly as a tinge of nausea sets in as well.

Maybe if I take a shower, I’ll feel better… You rise to your feet, liquid continuing to trickle its way down your leg.

Shit…

Is this it? It wouldn’t be far-fetched. I’m past my due date. Did my water just break? You feel your bottom lip wobble, muscles stiffening as you face reality that that might be the case.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Fuck. You look down at your soaked pants. I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

“One sec, Dot,” you call out for your neighbor.

“Umm… Hey. I-It’s JJ,” you hear his muffled voice behind the closed door. Everything stops; your body, frozen as you watch him through the little kitchen window, just a crack of sight through your curtain. No. You shuffle toward the bathroom, clutching your stomach, a new sensation of emptiness you hadn’t felt before.

“Ow… Ow… Oh my god,” you gasp, holding the bottom of your stomach. “It’s fucking happening… No. Fuck!” You scream, another contraction rocking you. The soft knocking turns into a loud bang. “Let me in, y/n. P-Please. Are you okay? What’s going on? Talk to me, sweetheart.”

You grip the doorframe tightly, trying to center yourself, to no avail. The room starts to spin around you, stomach churning, mouth salivating. Am I going to throw up? Why am I gonna throw up? You trip slightly on the rug, falling to your knees, crawling the rest of the way toward the toilet.

“Y/n?” JJ yells as he frantically fiddles with the doorknob, knocking at the glass trying to open that as well.

“Ja-” You go to answer, letting out a cough instead, emptying your stomach into the bowl. Then you hear it: metal on metal as the doorknob twists.

“Y/n?” JJ stutters, his boots bounding toward the bathroom. “Are you okay? Are you sick?”

“Yeah,” you cry as you see a look of sheer panic in his eyes. “Why are you here?” You whisper.

“I-I… Umm… I don’t know?” He spurts as he moves a little closer. “Do you want me to c-call your parents?”

“No!” You shout. “Don’t. Please. I don’t want them here,” you yell. JJ’s eyes open wider.

“I’m sorry…”

“No, Jayj. Don’t apologize.”

He kneels close, rubbing your back softly. “Did you need me to clean up out there for you? Do you want me to get you a new pair of pants? Or maybe a glass of water? A rag? You want a rag? Yeah?” You throw up in the toilet again, causing JJ to release a sympathetic gag.

“Jayj… you can’t do that,” you groan.

“I’m sorry. M'sorry, y/n,” he sighs, trying to compose himself. “Here.” He grabs a scrunchie off the counter, gathering your hair in a ponytail.

“Thank you.” You grip the toilet tightly, trying your best to calm down, but it’s simply momentary. “Fuck,” you howl, your pain wrapping around your back to your front.

“Y/n, s-shit,” JJ whimpers, dropping his head in his hand. His own personal panic setting in. “Are you - fuck,” JJ tries to speak, but the words aren’t easy. “Are you pregnant?”

“Is that not clear, Jayj,” you cry. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“What?”

“I have to go to the bathroom, JJ!” You scream, voice bouncing off the walls as you feel pressure building between your thighs.

“O-Okay. Of course. Do you need help standing?”

“Will you get me a bucket first?” JJ nods at you rapidly. You let out a loud cry, whole body pain, indescribable hurt. “Fuck!” You scream.

“Should I call 9-1-1?”

“The bucket, JJ. Please!”

“Okay. Alright. Sorry. S-Sorry!” he panics, running out of the bathroom. You hear him bang around in the kitchen, talking himself into a frenzy.

“Grab anything, JJ! Please!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Jesus Christ. It’s fucking hot in here.” You rip off your shirt, tossing it to the side.

“This! Okay… This will work,” he cheers breathlessly, running back into the bathroom with a pot. You quickly tug your pants down, taking a seat on the toilet. You draw the pot under your chin, breathing deeply.

“Fuck… this feels so much better.” You moan, feeling slight relief in this new position. A new heat rises in your cheeks, humiliation brewing as you feel the weight of JJ’s gaze on you. The last night he saw me, I was in a paisley sundress, his arms around me, lips locked on mine. I felt beautiful. JJ always made me feel that way. He told me he loved me. That girl. Not this one. I can’t believe he’s seeing me this way: tummy round, naked, sweaty, sick, and in pain. All I can do is cry.

JJ walks over, kneeling before you as his beautiful blue eyes search for yours. “Y/n, we gotta get you to the hospital. Okay?” His voice is gentle and calm. JJ tucks some sweaty strands of hair behind your ear as you match his watch. You can see his eyes getting glassy; he’s also completely and utterly overwhelmed, still trying to stay calm for you.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” you mewl.

“Hey, s'okay. You’re gonna be alright. We just gotta go, baby.”

Baby. The guilt hits you next, hard and fast. How would I feel if roles were reserved? How would I feel if this secret was kept from me?

“JJ… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

JJ swallows thickly; the tears pooled in his beautiful blue eyes break free as he looks back at you. “The baby’s mine?” He fights the words past his lips.“This is amazing… I just - I. Fuck. It’s okay, honey. But, why - Why wouldn’t you just tell me, y/n?" He whispers, his voice hoarse and broken with emotion.

"I didn’t want to ruin your life, Jayj. We had just started dating-”

“Ruin my life? Why would this ruin my life?” He cuts you off in disbelief. Your muscles tighten, a sharp pain radiating as you try to remain in the moment with him. You can see his face change with yours, seeing the pain in your eyes. “Let’s go. Let’s get you to the hospital,” he whispers as he rests one hand on your cheek, the other set lightly on your tummy.

“I can’t move, J,” you whimper.

“I can carry you. Okay? The hospital is only five minutes away. I can get you there in three. Fanciest driver in The Cut. You know that. Yeah? We’ll be there in a heartbeat. Everything’ll be fine. We’re okay. Okay?” He sniffles, lifting the neck of his white tee shirt to wipe the emotion out of his eyes. “Let me get you some clothes, sweetheart.” You nod in reply, gripping the counter tightly as you battle through the pain of another contraction.

JJ races back into the bathroom as fast as he came out, handling you carefully as he tugs on your oversized t-shirt and shorts. He guides you to your feet, helping you into your Converse sneakers, tying them tight before lifting you into his arms. You clutch onto him as you ride out another contraction, burying yourself in the crook of his neck. Your tears wet his shirt as he walks with you toward the door, stepping out into the night. “You’re okay, baby. You’re alright," he soothes, kissing you gently on the temple.

JJ tugs open the door of the Bronco, setting you inside before sprinting around the front. JJ flicks the keys, making the engine roar. He throws it in reverse, peeling out of the parking lot before skirting onto the main street, making you clutch the grab rails for support. "Shit. Sorry, princess,” JJ winces as he sees the fright in your eyes. He thrusts his hand into his pocket, thumbing through his cell phone as he dodges through traffic.

You can see the tears still sparkling in his stare; JJ’s jaw coiled tight as he listens to the ringing on the other end of the line. He’s terrified, just like you, his phone trembling in his hand. “Hi. Uhh… Shit. My girlfriend and I are on our way in. She - she’s…”

“In labor,” you whisper, helping him along.

“She’s in labor. We’re about two minutes away. Uh… Umm, let me ask,” he breathes, eyes snapping your way. “How far apart are they? Have you been timing them?”

“Timing what?” You ask sheepishly, watching as JJ’s eyes lighten on yours.

“Your contractions, baby.”

“I don’t know,” you whimper, cheeks hot with shame again, your ignorance on display. He probably thinks I’m an idiot. I should know this. Why don’t I know this?“

"S'okay," he whispers. JJ looks down at the dash, eyeing the little clock.

"Fuck, Jayj,” you sob, the pressure of another contraction setting in.

“Shit. Sorry - sorry, I’m here. Umm… Like four minutes tops? Yeah. Mhmm… She’s close,” he whispers, making your heart skip a beat. “Yeah. Yeah - The front. We’ll meet you out there.” You try your best to keep your eyes open, vision blurry as you see the hospital sign glowing like a beacon in the night. JJ stuffs his phone back in his pocket, reaching for your hand instantly, weaving his finger in yours before drawing them up to his lips. He kisses your hand, lingering on your skin, hiding his quivering lips.

“Motherfucker!” You scream, driving your heels into the floor of the SUV; yet another contraction barrelling through your body as you pull up to the curb. JJ grits his teeth as you squeeze his hand tight, surely drawing blood.

JJ’s POV:

“Take a deep breath for me, y/n,” the nurse aids. Y/n’s eyes slam shut, her beautiful face scrunching in discomfort as the nurse checks her further. “Okay… 10 centimeters,” she says calmly. “I see some hair.” Y/n’s eyes remain shut in fear as she nods her head frantically. Her little hand squeezes mine again; the only relief she can get this far along. I can’t believe she almost did this alone - all by herself. What if she couldn’t have made it to the phone? 

Why can’t she call her parents? Why is she alone in the first place? Why wouldn’t she just tell me? I feel my thoughts start to race with the beating of my heart. “Y/n,” I whisper. Her gaze matches mine, sending me into a spiral as I see the speckles of red against the whites of her eyes, popped blood vessels, and tears pooled in the corners. Heat rises behind my eyes again as I swallow the lump in my throat. “You’re doing so good, y/n.”

“M'not,” she hiccups, hand clutching her little bucket as she waits for her tummy to turn again. “I let you down, Jayj. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m scared. M'not fucking ready-”

“Y-You’re ready,” I stammer; the stutter in my voice deceives me, but I mean every word. “You didn’t let me down. I went into your room, y/n. I saw the crib, all the clothes you have hung in your closet, the baby book with all the Post-it notes sticking out. You’re ready. 'Course you’re scared…” My voice fades to a hush as she tucks herself in my neck. I’m instantly struck with Deja Vu, thrown back into the night that changed everything. The last night she was mine… I clear my throat, beating my lashes shut.

“The baby’s a boy, Jayj,” she whispers gently.

“Yeah?” I ask happily as I choke back tears, feeling her nod against my shoulder.

“M'sorry, Jayj. I-” Y/n fleeting words turn into a wail, nails digging into my forearm.

“Please don’t apologize, y/n,” I soothe, kissing her head. “You’re so strong, baby girl,” I whisper in her ear, feeling her muscles contract.

“We’re going to need you to start pushing, y/n.”

“I can’t,” she whimpers.

“You can, baby. You can.”

“You know how you feel like you need to go to the bathroom? Push like that. Okay?” Y/n shakes her head no.

“You’ve got to, baby. A'ight? You’re amazing, y/n,” I breathe, moving closer. She presses her forehead against mine, gritting her teeth. “You’re safe. Okay? You’re safe.” Y/n presses her quivering lips against mine, taking my breath away. Those lips… Holy shit. My hand wraps around the back of her neck, drawing her even closer. “I missed you," I whisper shakily. 

"I missed you too, JJ,” she echoes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Jayj,” she whimpers.

“M'not goin’ anywhere. M'not leavin’ you. Okay?”

“Okay,” she sobs.

“Y/n?” The nurse calls. “What’s your pain level when you have a contraction?”

“10,” she soughs.

“You’re going to have a contraction in a few seconds. We’re going to need you to push hard. When you feel it coming on, take some deep breaths. When you hit 10, push. Okay? JJ, we will need you to count to ten for her. Y/n, we want you to push all 10 seconds.” I can see the shift in her face; her pain, increasing. Her grip on my hand gets tighter. Y/n’s eyes shift to mine, giving me a nod.

“10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”

“F-Fuck!” She screams, her eyes slam shut as her body trembles in pain. “S'not working,” she snivels.

“It’s working. You’re doing a great job. Just a few more pushes,” the doctor assures. “This next one might be it, but you’ll have to push really hard.”

“Did you hear that, baby?” I breathe, my lips resting on her forehead. “You’re doing so good.”

“You’re doing a great job, Y/n,” the nurse whispers. Y/n’s eyes flutter shut, wincing in pain, tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn’t believe a word of it.

“10… 9… 8… 7… 6…”

“Ow… Ow… No. It burns,” she wails. The words catch my throat as I push back tears.

“We have him. Keep pushing.”

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”

She lets out a guttural scream; the doctor catches a baby, drawing him out. “Oh my god,” I breathe.

“Oh… H-Holy shit,” she whimpers. “Is the baby okay? Is he breathing?” I hear the baby’s high-pitched cry. A wave of relief crashes over me. Y/n dissolves in my arms as we look out for our little boy. 

This was the last thing I expected, the furthest thing from my mind when I woke up this morning. But, now, here I am. Here he is. Here she is, my beautiful fucking girl. We made him… He’s ours.

“I’m so glad you came, Jayj,” she cries.

“Me too, baby. Holy shit.” I grab a towel from the nurse, blotting the tears and sweat from Y/n’s face. “You did so well, y/n. Fuck. You okay, honey?” I mumble before meeting her lips.

“M'okay." God, I can’t stop. I kiss her deeper, making y/n smile against my lips. "I missed you,” she whispers.

“I missed you. Fuck, I missed you so damn much,” I sigh.

“You’re going to be such a good dad-”

“You’re going to be such a good mom. The best mom. The baby’s so lucky to have you as a mom,” I babble, kissing her forehead and cupping her dewy cheek. I hold y/n tightly, watching the nurse cradle the baby in her arms. She sets him on the towel, cutting and clamping the umbilical cord.

She walks over, resting the baby on Y/n’s chest, and in that moment, I feel a shift. Everything seems a little clearer: her, him, and they’re both mine. My heart feels like it could fucking burst as I look at him in her arms. He’s so tiny, so small and fragile. I just want to keep him safe.

Y/n’s lips rest on his tiny head, a pink and blue striped bonnet covering a mess of blonde hair, just like mine. “Jayj,” she whispers, extending him to me. I draw the baby close, blinking, my tears gone. He’s so peaceful; his eyes shut tight. I can feel the warmth of his little breaths against my skin.

“Wow,” I sigh, looking up at the ceiling as tears fall. Y/n rests her head on my shoulder. We’re okay. Everything’s okay.

“You look beautiful,” I breathe.

“You’re a liar, JJ Maybank.” Her nose scrunches, eyes rolling away. Fuck. I missed her.

“I’m not. I promise.”

“You’re never going to want to have sex with me again,” she chuckles through a sigh, hands resting on her once-rounded tummy. 

“You jokin’?” I scoff. “Been dreamin’ about that for the last, what, nine months now? S'the first thing we’re gonna do when we get outta here.” Y/n chuckles as she raises an eyebrow, making me double back.

“6 weeks, Jayj,” she whispers as her flushed cheeks blush even more.

“No…” I gasps. “You sure? I thought you said you didn’t know what you were doin’, princess. Gonna need to fact-check that shit.” I give her a taunting look, making her roll her. “M'just kiddin’, sweetness.” Taking out my phone, I flick to the calendar, checking the dates. “The 24th, baby girl.” Y/n lets out a sleepy little laugh, tucking herself in my arms again.

“Babysitter?”

“Mhmm… Whoever you want,” I soothe.

“Sarah and Pope.”

“Ah, Cameron and Heyward. Couldn’t agree more, baby.” She snuggles in a little closer, her eyes on the little bassinet, watching the baby sleep. “So…” I sigh as I take a deep breath.

“You wanna know why I’m officially a Pogue, Jayj?” She asks weakly.

“Yeah… I’ve got a few questions, princess. That’s a good start,” I mumble, resting my lips against her temple. She takes a deep breath, expelling a laborious sigh.

“Umm… Well, my parents didn’t want me to have the baby-”

“Stop,” you whisper, shaking your head 'no.’ “I think I know where you’re goin’ with this, and I can’t hear it. Alright? I don’t want you to say it either. Please.” Y/n bites her cheek. “I’m so fucking sorry - m'so, so sorry.” I cup her cheek, kissing her lips. “You got me… You got all my friends - you’re friends. This baby will be so loved, y/n. I swear.”

“Okay, Jayj.”

“Thank you for not doin’ that, baby. I just - I can’t even imagine that now,” I breathe, feeling my throat tighten as I watch his little chest rise and fall.

“It was never an option, Jayj,” she whispers.

“Why didn’t you tell me, y/n? Why did you think it would ruin my life? Why did you break up with me-”

“JJ,” she breathes as she rests her hand on my chest, grounding me again. “That was a huge fucking mistake. I’m so sorry. We had just started dating, and then you left. And, right before you left-”

“I was talking to John B about what a nightmare this shit would be…” I cut her short, dropping my head, nodding as I put the pieces together.

“When you came back, Jayj, I didn’t know what to do. And, I saw you with Kie, and you looked like the two of you had somethin’ goin’ on. Between that and my parents, I felt it would be easier for everyone if I went at it alone.”

“Kie is just a friend. Alright? She always has been. And life isn’t easy, y/n,” I whisper. “You know that just as well as me. Doesn’t mean that the hard isn’t worth going through. I swear I will be here for you both if you’ll let me.”

“Really?” Y/n asks shakily.

“Please, y/n.”

“I need you, J. I want you in my life,” she whispers, an unease in her tone like you may say anything but the apparent 'yes.’

“I need you too, princess.”

“I wasn’t lying to you, Jayj. I don’t know what I’m doing,” she warns. “I have read books, sure, but if today showed me anything, it let me know I’m not fucking ready.”

“S'not true, honey. I’ve seen you with him already, and you’re a natural. We’ll figure this whole parenting thing out together,” I smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Jayj.”

The lights are low; the sky is dark, only the glow of the television casting light in the room. Drawing back the blankets, I climb inside, pulling her back into my chest. I focus on the sound of her breathing, the way she fits in my arms, just like I remembered, just like I dreamt about. Her soft, supple skin and the sweetness of her perfume surrounds me.

There’s a soft knock on the door. “Come in,” she calls. A hospital worker walks in with a bouquet. Y/n smiles brightly, setting them down on the counter. Reaching over, I snag the card from the top and pass it to her; a little smile stretches on her lips from the sweet gesture alone. “To our newest little Pogue. Welcome to the family, baby boy. Love, Aunt Sarah, Uncle John B, Aunt Kiara, and Uncle Pope.”

Y/n reaches up, brushing the tears from her eyes as I do the same. “Your friends are pretty special, Jayj,” she whispers.

“Our friends, baby,” I smile. “They’re gonna be so happy to have you around again.”

She smiles and nods before tucking the little note back into the bouquet. Tonight was horrifying… a stark contrast to this moment. The woman I love is no longer in tears, no longer in agony, no longer scared. She’s my light… My safe place.

“What were you gonna name him, y/n? I’m sure you already have something in mind.”

“Jaxon James.”

“JJ?” I hum happily as I pull her in tight. Her sparkling eyes match mine, a blissful smile setting in her perfect lips.

“He looks just like you, Jayj; your nose, your hair, your eyes,” she sighs dreamily. “He’s perfect.”

“He’s so damn cute. Oh my god,” I whisper; catching a glimpse of his round cheeks and pouty lips.

“Can he have your last name, Jayj?”

“Oh wow,” I breathe, her question alone conjuring up yet another round of tears. I flutter my lashes, doing my best to keep it together. “Of course, baby. Thank you. That means a lot to me… You mean a lot to me,” I whisper.

“You two mean everything to me, Jayj.”

I hold her cheek in my hand, brushing her buttery-soft skin with my rough thumb. “We’ll start with him, then you, of course. When the time’s right.”

“Yeah, Jayj?” She whimpers through tears.

“I never stopped lovin’ you, y/n. Of course, I wanna be with you forever. Let’s start with the first step. Huh? Will you be my girlfriend, y/n?”

She grabs my face, lips crashing into mine as her body language alone screams 'yes’. My hands fall down her body; the familiarity of her in my arms feels just like home.

“Of course, Jayj.”

“6 weeks. Huh?” I tease, peppering kisses on her beautiful face through a gravelly laugh as she giggles and smiles.

“I love you, JJ.”

“I love you too, baby.”

[simplymarr]

Chapter one.

summary: vincent renzi x fem!reader.

A young law student is navigating her last year in university, where she meets a misteryous french professor that is going to help her getting her thesis done. A strong chemistry and a love for books and hard work it's what gets them to work so well with each other. But how much are they going to resist when temptation arrives?

warnings: age gap (legal ofc) he's 43 and she's 26. Other that that, none (yet).

London. 8 am and a room full of people on a rainy day. Cold fingers on the desk, waiting for something to happen.

I looked over and the clock was still; maybe it was broken or maybe the time was way too slow in the morning. Even for me.

Today it was the last-first day i was going to have on that university. Five long years studying law, yet it felt like i was still a stranger in that big, cold classroom.

I was, finally, going to get my thesis done. No more wasting time, no more fear. I had to be strong.

How difficult could it be?

The world with its unique, hidden irony seemed to have answered my question when, all of a sudden, he walked through that old, wooden door.

Mature, maybe in his early forties. Tall but not too much; quite skinny. Long neck and serious countenance. Silver hair, some strands fell on his forehead as he walked across the room until he reached his desk. His polished clothes didn't look wet even though it was raining, and even for me to be so far away from him i could, somehow, sense that he smelled like cigarrettes and old fashioned, classic cologne.

Professor Vincent Renzi was his name.

He came from France. He said that he had recently won a case in the city, and that a colleague of his needed him to replace him for a few months at the university. A two-hour weekly class and, most importantly,

he was in charge of correcting some of the theses.

I hesitated the rest of the class, unsure of what was going to happen. Would he be easy on me? or would he be an idiot? After all, all male professors in law school seemed to treat women like they were not smart enough to be there. Or worse, like they fucked their way to the top.

Suddenly my feet stepped on earth again when i felt a deep voice making, in a strong french accent, a question that no one dared to answer.

"So, has anyone already started working on their thesis?"

Silence.

Then, for inertia or maybe an obscure, unconscious desire to be seen by his blue eyes i raised my hand.

He smiled at me; perhaps relieved that he hadn't been ignored. Little wrinkles formed on each side of his mouth as he spoke:

"Great, at least someone is doing their job. Now, enlighten me, please".

........................................

I tried to leave as soon as the class ended.

Maybe it was the shame, the blushed cheeks as i explained to him the central themes of the thesis. For the first time, i felt like my tongue wasn't mine as the words kept coming out of my mouth, but i felt grateful for that.

However, due to how far away i was from the exit, i was the last one to leave. I slid between each seat until i reached the door where, luckily for me, he was standing, waiting.

"That was good. Very good actually". He said as he reached out for a pack of cigarettes between his pockets.

I stuttered.

"Well, thank you. There's still some issues i need to fix, you know. References and stuff". I tried, without luck, to sound as calm as possible.

"That's why im here". He said, staid but in a soft tone.

As he left the building and got into his car, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and lighting a cigarette, i couldn't help but wonder

what the hell was i getting into.

next chapter soon

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.

Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.

Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.

I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.

Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.

All in all, great episode.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.

The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)

As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.

"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:

Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.

The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.

I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.

Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.

I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10 

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.

Yes I cried. I'm a sap.

The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.

All Wandee

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[welivetodream]

✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

[staytinyville]

Greed

For my Cult of Dionysus Secret Santa @thelargefrye I hope you love this as much as I did.

↣ Summary: You grew up thinking there was something wrong with you when you couldn’t step a single foot into a church without getting sick. It wasn’t until you became friends with 8 boys that your worry of being possessed by a demon passed and you realized where it was you actually came from. 

↣ Characters/Pairing: ot8 ATEEZ x Reader 

↣ Genre: smut (mdni)

↣ AU/Trope info: Fallen Angel!au, Religious!au, Inspired heavily by Death of a Bachelor album by Panic! At the Disco (Specifically Hallelujah, Emperor's New Clothes, and Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time)

↣ Word Count: 9,024

↣ Warnings: Very wrong depictions of the church, small amount of blood, I swear you might think it’s grooming but it’s not because I do in fact explain how everything worked, soulmate type deal almost

↣ A/N: This is the longest imagine I have ever written (that isn’t an entire like chapter type fic). But damn if I didn’t love writing this and creating the story. If some of these conversations didn’t make me giggle. Really got my creative juices flowing with this. 

Staytinyville’s Permanent Taglist

↣ Affiliates: @cultofdionysusnet , @pirateeznet , @wonderlandnet

↣ Special Thanks: Thank you @saradika-graphics for the amazing banners! Please go check her out if you have specific banners in mind. She is great!

You couldn’t remember a time where you didn’t have one of the four boys flocking at your side at all times. You could remember meeting them in grade school–three boys who had chubby cheeks each and eyes that sparkled every time they looked at you. The fourth one came in the following year seeing as he was younger than you all. But still once he made his way into your life things had always been the same. 

You, Yunho, Yeosang, and Mingi were all in the same grade–being in the same kinder class at the age of 5. You stayed quiet that first day of classes, opting to stay where the teacher had assigned you to and listen to every instruction. The table was meant for four kids, and seeing as your class only had so many girls, the teacher had made a move to place at least one girl at each table.

So you were destined to be sat with three other boys who beamed the moment they saw you. They each introduced themselves that day, sharing their school supplies or making sure they were always next to you in the line. You had thought you had made great friends that day, having people to play with rather than just waiting for someone to go up to you. 

It was an eventful year for your little 5 year old brain to really see that over time the other kids seemed to talk behind your back. It was often petty little toddler drama about a girl who didn’t want to be your friend because you were friends with one of the boys they had a crush on. There was one fight that had escalated too far that six children had to be taken into the front office to have a talk. 

Like always you were giggling as Yunho chased after you, Mingi and Yeosang trapping you on the playground to keep you from running away. Yunho had told Mingi and Yeosang to go the other way, wanting to catch you before you got off. But you found another route and ended up on the other side of the playground. 

Just as you were about to jump off the last step of the structure, some girls quickly crowded you causing you to flinch from the sudden invasion of privacy. You froze on the steps, standing above them as you looked down. 

“Excuse me.” You politely told them, trying to move around them. 

They barely moved as you reached the ground, causing you to bump into their shoulders. “You need to stay away from Yeosang! He’s my boyfriend.” One girl called out. 

You turned around confused, frowning at the girl’s words. “He’s my boy friend too.” You tilted your head to the side. “He can have more than one friend.” You explained to her. “He has Yunho and Mingi too.”

“No! He’s only mine.” She continued to yell–she even stomped her foot. 

“Hey, don’t yell at her.” Mingi said, coming up as the three boys finally caught up with you. 

“Yeosang, tell her you're my boyfriend.” The girl pointed her finger at you, causing you to hunch your shoulders back as tears began to form in your eyes from her anger. 

Your lips began to tremble, which Yunho immediately saw. He took your hand then, pulling you into a hug. 

“I can have more than one friend.” Yeosang told the girl. 

“No! You can only have one.” The girl continued. 

“Then I want (Y/N). She lets me have more friends.” Yeosang walked over to where Yunho was hugging you, taking your hand into his. 

“No! You are mine!” With that the girl quickly shoved Yeosang and Yunho off you. 

Her little hands were on your body as she shoved you down onto the floor. You yelped out, feeling the small pebbles digging into your palms as they created wounds. You started to cry loudly, making the girl look at you with wide eyes. 

“(Y/N).” Mingi cried, his own tears forming in his eyes as he saw you hurt. The boy quickly dropped down to you, hugging you closely to him. Yeosang sat down too as Yunho looked around to find a teacher. 

You, the three boys, the girl who had pushed and someone who saw in passing all were sent to the headmasters to talk about what had happened. Your wounds were used as evidence for the girl's shove, even if she tried to argue that you had shoved her too. But all three boys were backing you up and the kid who was there as a witness solidified things. 

That was the day things settled in that you were not going to make many friends who were girls that year. The class already had a few and they all disliked you because you had all the boys wanting to be your friend. 

When you three had entered 1st grade, you had all met Jongho who was a year below. You all had an assembly in the gym when you met the boy first. He had sat next to you and gave you a kind smile, kicking his feet from sitting next to you. When you all would get the chance to play on the playground together he would be seen running with all four of you, keeping up. 

It was also discovered that he lived in the same neighborhood as you all, right next door to Yunho. So when you would have playdates, all of them were invited. It didn’t feel right when one of them wasn’t present. Like there was a part of you missing. 

Jongho had been the first one to ever be missing from some playdate, which led you to realize the problem you had when he was gone. The three boys who had known you for longer than a year were quick to realize when something was wrong with you. 

“Are you okay?” Mingi asked.

“I miss Jongho.” You spoke out loud. 

The three boys all looked at each other, humming in agreement. “We can go see him.” Yunho suggested, coming to a stand from the coloring all four of you were doing. “His parents told me I can go over whenever I want.” The boy added. 

All four of you quickly got up and followed after Yunho. He walked over to the younger boy’s house next door, knocking once he made it past the porch. Jongho’s mother opened the door, greeting all of you. Her eyes lingered on you for a moment, clearing her throat as she turned back to Yunho. 

“Can Jongho come out and play with us?” He asked the mother politely. 

“Jongho has to finish homework first and then he can play.” She answered. 

“Can we help him?” You immediately spoke up, not wanting to waste more time without him. “It will go by quicker.” You explained. 

The woman thought for a moment before sighing and allowing you all to walk in. Jongho was in the living room doing his homework at the coffee table. When he saw all of you walking in, he grinned grew and his eyes sparkled. 

“They are here to help you finish. Not play.” His mother told him. “You can do that after finishing.”

“I’ll help you.” You told him, sitting down next to him to where your shoulders touched. 

So you spent a good 15 minutes helping him out with his work, the three other boys watching and helping out where they could. By the time you knew it, all four of you were outside playing tag like normal. However, you still felt like things were missing. 

Because of them, everyone else in your class seemed to avoid you. The girls called you names for always hanging around boys. You tried to do what they did–tried to play their games and ask your parents to dress you up in pretty clothes to fit in–but no matter what you tried to do the others would still alienate you out of games because they knew the boys were always on your side. 

You once tried to get them to stop being your friends in 2nd grade but it seemed to prove difficult. Every time you would distance yourself from them, nightmares would plague your sleep leaving you crying at night. You worried your parents so much they tried to find a solution by taking up a religion they thought would be able to help you all. 

However it was obvious that did not help. Not until Yeosang had gone up to you the day after you tried to get them to leave you alone and asked if you were okay. That was the first night you had not had a nightmare. It was also the day you realized you couldn’t be without them. 

So you grew accustomed to their presence. 

You could remember the first time your parents had forced you to go to church with them. It was the Sunday after you made up with the boys and spent a couple of days without nightmares. You were only 7 when you stepped into the place of worship. 

You remember it like it had just happened the day before. If only because it was the start of a horrendous life that your parents wanted for you. At least a life they forced on you. 

“Hey you go, (Y/N).” Mingi told you, handing you a chalk stick to continue painting along the sidewalk. 

“Thank you, Mingi.” You answered him, bending down to color in your poor drawing of a unicorn. 

“Anything for you.” The boy beamed, giving you a tooth filled smile. 

You blushed, eyes almost closing from how wide you had smiled back. You, along with your four boyfriends as your classmates called them, were all enjoying the Sunday sun drawing on the neighborhood sidewalk. 

Yeosang had been kind enough to bring out his chalks and called upon all of you to spend time together. Yunho had come from down the street with Jongho, while Mingi joined you quickly, seeing as he was your next door neighbor. 

“(Y/N).” You snapped your head up, seeing your parents looking at you coldly from the front porch. 

“We have to go.” Your mother called. Her eyes scanned over the four boys that seemed to crowd you, wanting to share your space. “Now.” She said harshly.

You got up in a hurry, wiping your hands on the grass for a moment so as to not stain your white church dress. “I'll see you guys later.” You gave the boys each a smile, turning around to join your parents in the car. 

The moment you stepped through the large doors of the brightly colored church it felt like your throat closed up. The stained glass that showcased different kinds of stories made shivers go down your back. The pews that were lined with more church goers made you miss a step and almost trip on yourself. 

And the large cross that was placed directly in the middle of a stone table made you feel nauseous. 

“Stop slouching.” Your mother scolded, pushing your shoulders back to straighten you out. 

“I don't like it here.” You whispered, swallowing down the bile that was rising in your throat. 

You flinched and turned behind you as you heard some screeching noise. It made the hairs on your arms stand, leaving you frightful. 

“How can you say that?” Your father shook his head. “This is a house of god. He has done no wrong to you for you to say that. You should be thanking him because we are here to help with your nightmares.”

“My nightmares stopped though.” You told him. 

You began to roll your shoulders, your stomach making weird noises as the cross seemed to get bigger the more you stared at it. You squeezed your eyes shut as the screeching was suddenly heard directly behind you, rocking back and forth to get it to go away. 

The old man you knew to be the father began to speak to the mass, which only made the swirling of your stomach get worse. “I don't know.” You shook your head, hands clutching onto your dress. “It feels really stuffy in here.” You swallowed again. 

And when the father began to recite words from the holy book, things made you go dizzy. 

“I'm going to be sick.” And with that you turned to your mother and let go of all your breakfast into her lap. 

“(Y/N)!” Your mother screeched, standing up and interrupting the sermon. 

And that was the start of your anxiety-inducing journey of attending church every Sunday and throwing up every week. It got to the point where you were terrified of stepping into the church, not wanting to have the acidic taste fill your mouth once again. 

“Why does she get sick so easily, father?” Your mother cried. “And it's only in the church!”

“I cannot explain it.” The man sighed, shaking his head. “But there is something that is tethering her to the other world.” He looked out the window to see you playing in the church yard with your four friends. 

“Something attached to her.” He finished. 

Your parents looked at each other. As they saw you laughing with the young boys, they frowned as they thought about something sinister overtaking your body without anyone knowing. 

“An exorcist?” Your mother whispered. 

“We can try.”

And so you sat patiently a couple times a week for the next few years as the father received things in a language you didn’t understand. A couple of times it would be your church's pastor, other times it would be someone new they would bring in thinking it would change things. At one point you heard your parents talking with the pastor that they had brought someone in from the Vatican. 

However, even then, you sat patiently swinging your legs back and forth as they would repeat the words you had learned by heart at that point. You would repeat it in your head to go to bed, even telling the father of the church that you did that. 

It left him and everyone else baffled at how you seemed to get sick so easily in a church but somehow didn’t react to the exorcism. It seemed that whatever was keeping you from going to a house of worship was not what they had originally thought it to be. 

“Please we've done everything but there is nothing!” Your father had finally started to cry after years of trying to fix your problems. 

“Your daughter doesn't have a demon attached to her.” The pastor explained. “Nothing close to sinister. At least not that we can tell.”

“Then what can it possibly be!?” Your mother was frustrated. 

“God is punishing your child for something she has done.” Was all the father told your parents. 

They kept trying–taking you back every week to see if one day you would magically stop getting sick at the church. You went your entire grade school and middle school life getting sick to your stomach until you left the wooden boards and felt the dirt under your shoes. 

You tried to make your parents stop taking you, but they stuck to their belief that you had something inside of you that needed to be expelled. So you endured it. You cried on Saturday hoping that the next day would be the day everything stopped. The day you were finally free of the sickness that tormented you each time you saw that white building. 

Until one Sunday, things took a turn in a direction you didn’t know if you were allowed to go in.

Puberty had come and gone for each of you, changing everything to prepare yourself for adulthood. You had all taken classes that explained most of what it was–what was the human body and what came with it. You were taught what most people needed to know in order to have a smoother transition into your teenage years. 

However what the classes didn’t teach you was the sickening feeling you got each time you saw one of the boys. It left you feeling icky because of how much you wanted to be with them–how much something called you to them. You had asked your parents about it and they only gave you angry responses. They had told you to stop seeing the boys for a while but when the nightmares returned you couldn’t stay away. 

You had sat down with the boys to ask them about it. And they all seemed to have the same answers. 

“I don’t know. Ever since I started puberty I’ve been having these weird dreams.” Mingi told everyone first. 

“What kind of dreams?” Yunho asked. 

“I think it’s heaven.” You looked at him oddly, tilting your head to the side. You didn’t notice how the other boys all shared the same look. 

“I have those too.” Yeosang spoke up. “We’re all there. With other people too.”

“It seems like you’re looking through someone else’s memories.” Jongho explained. “Yunho?”

The boy had a dazed look on his face, seemingly lost in thought. He quickly looked up at the others, giving them a kind smile. He was the oldest out of all of you, probably the smartest seeing as he always had an answer for everything. 

“You’ll understand when you finish going through puberty.” He told you all. 

“I don’t have those dreams.” You frowned. “They didn’t tell us it was part of puberty.”

“For us it is.” Yunho told you. “You have to wait for yours.”

While you were glad to know you weren’t the only odd one out, you were still left confused at how much Yunho didn’t seem to tell you. And the confusion only reached tenfold after each of the boys began to talk in private or hang out without you. You were upset about those kinds of things but you realized they were boys–you weren’t always going to be there with them. 

The Sunday that changed your life was some random one in your Sophmore year of high school. 

It was the day your new neighbor had moved in. He was a year older than you and the boys–already a junior in high school. You had been walking home from the library with your four boys, pressing yourself to whoever had been walking next to you that day. You had explained to your parents that you had to finish a report before going to church that day.

“Such a pretty girl.” Jongho brushed your cheek with the tips of his fingers. “My love.” He whispered.

“Did you say something, Jongho?” You asked, turning from your conversation with Yunho.

“No.” The boy grinned. “I was talking with Yeosang.” He answered.

“Are you still going to church?” Yeosang asked, coming up next to Yunho who stood to your left. 

You had to lean over to see around the tall boy, smiling grimly at Yeosang. “I have to. You know my parents always make me.”

“Would you like for us to go with you?” Yunho asked, fingers brushing against your own causing yours to twitch. 

Things had started to change between the five of you when you had all entered high school. You began to see each of the boys differently. You watched as they grew out of the chubby cheeks and turned into handsome men. 

Yunho and Mingi grew to be the tallest out of all of you. Jongho began to fill out his body, his baby fat filling the right places as he began to look like a bear. And Yeosang was probably the one who called all the girl’s attention. His birthmark was the one thing that made you recognize the boy anywhere. 

Because of this, you started to question if things were going to be okay. Having a crush was nothing you were new to. However, being in love with all of them made you anxious. It wasn’t normal. Not from what your parents would explain to you. Not from what you read in the book they made you study. It was a sin. 

But how could you say anything when you couldn’t even step foot into a church. 

“No, it's alright.” You smiled at him. “You guys do enough.”

As your house came into view, you all saw a moving truck parked in the road. The house next to yours–the one that wasn’t Mingi’s–had the door open with people moving in and out. 

“You guys have a new neighbor.” Yunho told you and Mingi.

“I guess so.” You spoke up.

You weren’t able to see the subtle look each of them gave each other. They gave small nods of their head before turning back to look at you. “Let's go say hello.” Yunho added. 

And so there you were, standing on the porch waiting for your new neighbor to walk out. And when he did, your lips pressed into a thin line as you took him in. He reminded you of the angels you would read about, the ones you would see depicted in pictures. You didn’t think that was how they truly looked. You couldn’t see them as cherubs that flew around with wings. 

In your eyes all you could think of is black feathers that fell from the sky. A bright light that shined in your eyes from a part of you that was taken away. You couldn’t look at them for too long, being reminded of something that you didn’t want to be. However for some reason, this was one you couldn’t tear your eyes away from. 

“Hello.” He smiled at you. “I'm Seonghwa.”

“(Y/N).” You shook your head. “These are my friends.” You gestured to the boys standing at the end of the porch, all of them giving nods in greetings. 

Seonghwa gave them a smirk, nodding his head back before turning to look at you. “It's nice to meet you all.” He spoke out loud.  

His eyes trailed down your body, taking note of your nice dress and ruffled socks. “Are you going somewhere?” He asked.

“I have to go to church.” You answered.

“Do you need company?” He immediately asked.

“Not at all.” You shook your head. “I won't be long.” You felt the need to tell him. “Thank you.” You quickly added, minding your manners. 

“Anything for you.” Seonghwa smiled softly. 

You didn’t question the way he spoke to you. You had other worries on your mind as you drove towards the building that had left you with trauma. However this was the day that changed all that you had known about the church.

You had walked calmly behind your parents that day, head dropped to the floor as you prepared yourself for the nauseating feeling that would ultimately burst the moment you passed the doors.  But your shoes scuffed against the floorboards, creaking with each step you took deeper into the building. 

You had reached the pews and the seats your parents normally sat at. You sat down, looking around as you waited for something to start giving you anxiety. You had never made it farther than the music that the choir sang–usually letting go of your breakfast by then. 

And yet, you were there the whole time, listening as a young man played the piano for the choir. You listened to the father you had become acquainted with as he began the sermon, speaking about the god that the people worshiped. You flinched as each new song began to play as the man skimmed his fingers along the keyboard each time. 

And when the final song came to a finish, your family looked at you with wide eyes. Tears began to slip from their face as you had not gotten sick once. Not a single complaint about a bad stomach. Not even a single peep from your lips as you seemed to be in a trance the whole time. What they didn’t catch was the way your eyes were directly at the new boy who played within the choir. 

The father was the first to greet your parents in astonishment as he watched you standing directly in front of him after the hour long service. He couldn’t believe that here you were standing next to him without so much as looking green. Even he couldn’t believe his eyes.

You couldn’t look him in the eyes, choosing to glance around at the church that you had never gotten the chance of admiring. Still though, the glass stained windows with depicted stories left you unsettled–like a bug crawling under your skin. 

“You don’t like them either?” You turned your head, facing a boy who had blue hair. 

He was looking up at the windows, sucking his teeth as he sneered at them. When he turned back to you, your eyebrows rose. You got the same feeling you had when meeting Seonghwa, flashes of falling feathers seeping into your mind. Your mouth opened as you let go of a breath, pressing your lips together as you didn’t know what to say. 

“Oh, this is Hongjoong.” The father introduced the boy to you and your parents. “He’s one of the orphan boys the church took in. They will be under my tutelage.”

You kept your eyes on him, trying to find out what it was that made him so familiar. He reminded you of your friends, like you had known them forever. Like he meant something more to you. 

“An amazing boy with the piano. A protege, honestly! If he hadn’t insisted on wanting to become a father, I would have had him become a performer.” The father laughed. 

Your parents beamed, telling Hongjoong he was an amazing pianist and that his performance was grand to watch. With your parents occupied over talking about your sudden healing, Hongjoong took the liberty of taking you away to the piano, sitting down carefully as he began to lightly press on the keys. 

“You did play beautifully.” You told him. “I had never heard something like that.”

Hongjoong laughed, smiling brightly at you. “It means a lot coming from you.”

Hongjoong began to play another tune, causing you to become dizzy with an emotion you couldn’t explain. While he continued to enjoy his playing, you took the liberty of moving up the little stage at the front and behind the stone table. 

Nothing seemed to cause you any harm. Not until you would catch sight of a mis-depicted angel. You subconsciously would sneer at them, quickly turning your head to avoid further headaches. You could feel the statues mocking you, laughing at your expense. When you reached the cloth covered stone table, you turned, looking out over the empty church. 

Taking in the deep breath you felt something buzzing around the building, malice seeping out of its presence. You frowned, shoulders shaking from the ghostly being. You felt fingers touching you harshly, as though they wanted to hurt you–pulling at your hair, pinching your skin. 

Hongjoong had stopped playing, turning around to face you with wide eyes. But you were too in your own head to notice that something had moved the large cross off its hanger behind you. 

All you heard was your mother’s scream and people rushing forward. You turned around to find what it was they were looking at, only catching sight of the large wooden structure heading towards you. It never touched you though, someone having reached you on time and quickly saving you from a large gash to the head and possible death. 

You flinched a bit, eyes closing shut as you were brought out of your stupor. You turned to find your savior, catching sight of a man with cat-like eyes. He had broad shoulders, ones you were gripping onto to keep from falling over. 

“Are you alright, heaven?” He asked you quietly, his lips a breath away from yours. 

You nodded your head softly, feeling your legs come back to life as you tried to stand on your own. Your fingertips tingle when you feel his own slot themselves between yours, interlocking your hands. He helped you to stand on your own feet, keeping you at arm's length. 

You didn’t notice your family and the father quickly making their way over to you. You didn’t hear them fussing and asking you if you were okay. All you could see was the way the boy’s eyes seemed to sparkle as they looked at you. 

“Thank you so much, son!” Your father patted him on the back. “You have no idea how terrible that would have been if (Y/N) had been hit.”

Your mother was frowning at the cross, keeping an eye on the wood figure that was on the floor in shards. “You don’t think-” You mother began but was stopped as another boy came up to the statue and quickly began to clean it up. 

The father began to speak to him, causing you to look over at him. They were discussing how the statue had fallen, taking note of the nails that had been embedded into the wall had popped out. The father turned back to your parents, but you kept looking at Hongjoong and the other two boys cleaning up the cross. 

“No,” The father waved your mother’s worry away. “It was faulty screws.” He pointed up to where the cross was. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

You felt sick to your stomach as your eyes zeroed in on the screws. Your lips turned up, hearing someone snicker in your ear. You looked over your shoulder, trying to find the issue. It wasn’t until you heard someone’s sharp intake of breath that you turned around to find the problem. 

“Your hand.” You said, finding the boy who had started cleaning up first cradling his finger that had a bleeding poke from a splinter. 

You leaned down next to him, between the one who had saved you cradling his hand closer to you. He watched as you carefully took out the splinter before moving his finger up to your mouth. You didn’t know what came over you, or how it was you knew to do that. But you slowly licked over his wound, cleaning the small droplet of blood from his palm. 

It wasn’t a lot, maybe a drop or two that seemed to cause a small dribble. As you pulled away from him, you looked up to see all three of the boys staring at you with wide eyes, mouths agape. Your own eyes went wide, quickly letting go of the boy, coming to a stand.

“No!” The boy spoke up, standing next to you. “Don’t be sorry, my love.” He told you, eyes bright as he looked at you. 

“You’re (Y/N). Right?” He continued, holding his hands together at his chest making him look cute. 

“Yes.” You nodded slowly, a bit speechless from his looks. 

“I’m Wooyoung.” The boy smiled. “The man who saved you is San.” He gestured to the broad shoulder boy. “It feels so great to be with you.” He reached a hand out for you, gently cradling it with his. 

You didn’t question any of their words that day. You didn’t think much about their nicknames for you or how they spoke as if they had known you for ages. Any sane person probably would have, but you weren’t normal. At least not until you had finally met all 8 of them. They made you feel whole–like that was a part of you missing this whole time. For once in your life, there was nothing wrong with who you were–what you did. 

At least that was what you thought. Your family thought something else completely. 

When you finished high school, they had tried to take you away from them all. They didn’t like how much they all doted on you. At least not all of them. They didn’t like that you spent so much time with them–alone. They would yell at you, call you names that made you look down in shame. 

You knew all about those people who roamed the streets at night, looking for company. That wasn’t who you were. Wasn’t who you wanted to be. But you couldn’t let go of them. You needed them all there with you or else it wouldn’t feel right. They meant everything to you, just as you meant everything to them.

But still, you chose to appease your parents. You would go to the church–confess your sins to the father who had known you since you were a child. He wouldn’t tell you anything but you knew he would repeat what you said back to your parents. And when you did you would get looks that showed they were disgusted with you. 

First they were terrified of you, worried that something was inside of you that was not meant to be there. Now they were disgusted, and knew exactly what it was that made you sick in church. God knew the kind of person you would become so they punished you for it. Now you had to repent to fix the mistakes you were bound to make. 

You were going for your weekly confession, bringing along the five boys who had always trailed you since high school. The other three were waiting on the other side of the church doors, any moment they would come out to greet the others as they would wait for you to finish and then walk you home. 

“We'll wait out here for you.” Seonghwa spoke to you, leaning down to touch his forehead with yours. 

“I'll be quick.” You told him, giving the other four boys a smile. 

You walked in as you had for the past 20+ years of your life. You took in a breath, knowing that the sick feeling wasn’t going to come up after so long. Your feet shuffled towards the box that you had memorized inside and out. You knew where every splinter was, every scratch, every paint stain. It was something you were once again forced to do–even after so many years. 

You sat down on the bench, closing the door behind you and waiting for the father to get situated. When he did, you leaned back, head bumping into the back rest. 

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.” You spoke monotonously, already knowing how things were going to go. 

“What troubles you my dear?” The voice spoke up, catching your attention as you sat up. 

“Hongjoong?” You questioned, turning to the side where the father would normally sit. 

You could barely make out his dazzling grin, the way his cheeks rose as he smiled at you with glee. You knew how he looked–you always enjoyed looking at all of them. But you were here to confess about him, you couldn’t exactly tell him about it now. 

“Hello, my dear.” Hongjoong smiled.  

“Where’s the father?” You asked. 

“He is allowing me to take his place for the time being. Let me get some practice in–think of me as the father.”

You sat back, sighing as you realized you weren’t going to be able to get out of it. You wanted to get it off your chest–having had it pent up for the last couple of days from when you last confessed. It was always the same thing over and over again. But with Hongjoong now being the one to listen to you, things changed. 

“But that's why I'm here, Hongjoong.” You sighed, dropping your head back. “I have to confess I have not been on the right path.”

“And what path is that?” He asked, sounding professional. 

“One of sin.” You answered. 

“Is that what you think of it?” He spoke up, eyes on you as he kept his head forward. “Why?”

“Because I am not meant to be greedy.” You whispered, turning away from him knowing he was one of the reasons. 

“You think it’s greedy?” You heard him lean forward, chin moving to rest on his hands. “To have feelings?”

You didn’t know how it was he knew, but it seemed like he did. He knew where it was you were going with the whole thing. Of course he did–him and all the others always knew. 

“It’s greedy to love.” You explained to him. 

“It’s how we procreate though.” Hongjoonf shrugged, moving to sit back again. “So why is it?”

“Because I’m not supposed to love 8 men.” You cried. 

He kept trying to get you to say it, and you did. You didn’t know if you were meant to–this wasn’t the normal conversation you would always have with the father. All he knew from all that you would tell him was that you spent too much time with men and it left you bothered. 

Truly it didn’t. It left your family bothered, so you would try to lessen their anger by doing as you were told. But here you were finally confessing the real reason you felt like you weren’t good enough to be a person. Because you had been so traumatized that you began to think what you were feeling wasn’t right. 

“It’s not okay! I am to be the wife of one man only. I have to give him children and continue my family line.” Your voice quieted down, looking down at your hands. 

“And?” Hongjoong only shrugged. 

“I can't love all of them!” You gasped out, coming to a stand but immediately sitting back down knowing there was no space. “That's being greedy.”

“I don't think you should worry about being greedy.” Hongjoong sighed, leaning back nonchalantly. “You are your own person who deserves everything she wants.”

He paused for a moment, making you turn to look at him. You couldn’t see him completely but you knew he was in thought. 

“Do you love us?” He asked you suddenly.  

You felt your breath stop for a moment. Your fingers twitched on your lap, clenching onto the fabric of your skirts. “It's wrong—”

“Do you love us, (Y/N)?” He asked again, stopping you from continuing your rant. 

You had never thought of the word when thinking about the boys. You knew that there was something there that seemed to call to you but you had no idea that it was love. You couldn’t be without them just as they couldn’t be without you. You would get physically sick not being able to spend time with them together. 

There wasn’t a time where you wouldn't think about them. Wouldn’t want them to be at your side to take care of you. You knew they meant so much to you. A lot more than you were willing to understand. It went beyond physical emotions. It was something out of this world. 

“Yes.” You answered quietly. 

Hongjoong paused once more, the silence filling up in your throat as your words lingered in the air. 

“Then come home to us.”

You went home that day. To your parents waiting for you to have dinner with the rest of your family. Watching as they all bowed their heads in prayer, reciting the same words as the ones from the morning at breakfast. Calmly eating with your head down to avoid catching your parents eyes. 

You took slow bites, making sure you didn’t catch too much attention to yourself. You tried to make yourself small, but of course, even if you did, you were still noticeable in the eyes of your parents. 

“Did you go see the father today, (Y/N)?” Your mother started, calmly eating as though she wasn’t about to cause a scene.

“I did.” You answered.

“And those boys?” She continued. 

“What about them?” You didn’t look at her, trying to show that you weren’t really bothered by her question. 

“Did you see them?” She asked again. 

“No.” You swallowed your food. 

You didn’t think your parents were dumb. You knew even if you denied your mother’s question they would know that you had been with the boys. It was the same thing over and over again. As it has always been since you were a little girl. It wasn’t physical abuse but mentally you were exhausted. 

Before bed, you sat on your knees, clasped your hands together and recited the same prayers you had for years. Your parents made you sleep with the door open, they could hear you skip a day of prayer. It was the routine. What you had engraved in your head for years. 

It was easy to fall asleep. Easy to fall prey to a dream that makes you gasp for air. A dream that showed you just the kind of life you used to live. With whom you used to live. 

The walls were too bright, you couldn’t see anything past what was above you, what was next to you–under you. The feathers felt soft under your fingertips, almost like you were on a bed instead of the ground. You could feel their hands softly touching your skin with their fingertips–it made you close your eyes as tears began to pool.

“Don’t cry, my heaven.” Your eyes slowly opened, coming face to face with Seonghwa.

You hummed, a hand moving up to touch his cheek. “Seonghwa.” You whispered, stroking your thumb along his cheek. 

He smiled at you, moving back. His hand drifted down your arm, pulling you to a sitting position. As he sat behind you, pulling your back to his chest, you noticed someone else coming up at your side. They lightly grabbed onto your hand, pulling it up to kiss your knuckles.  

“Jongho.” You breathlessly spoke up, smiling at the man. 

“Yeosang.” You said next, your other hand moving to grab onto the man who walked on your other side. 

“My love.” He whispered. 

“Heaven.” You looked down, giggling as Wooyoung pressed his cheek to one of your thighs. 

Letting go of Jongho and Yeosang, you ran your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly. 

“Sannie.” You smiled, watching as the boy pressed his own cheek to your other leg. You did the same as you did to Wooyoung, watching as his eyes closed and he hummed in content. “Sweetheart.” He hummed, giving your knee a kiss. 

You almost hit his cheek as your body tingled from his lips pressing against your skin. You giggled, stroking his skin as he reveled in your touch. 

You felt two more people make their presence known at your sides, touching your shoulders as their heads nuzzled closer to your neck. 

“You made it.” Yunho breathed against your skin. 

“We have been waiting for so long.” Mingi left a small kiss on your neck, leaving you to close your eyes in pleasure. 

“Mingi.” You answered breathlessly, rolling your head to give him more room for kisses. 

Opening your eyes, you turned the other way to smile at the boy at your side. “Yunho.” You smiled, moving to rub a thumb along his cheek. 

You took the moment to look around some, noticing there was one still missing. You knew he was here–you always knew when they were all there. 

“Hongjoong?” You quietly called out, looking in front of you as a silhouette appeared and began to walk closer to you. 

The other’s began to run their fingers along your skin again, applying both light and harsh pressure. All of your skin was on display, nothing hidden to their eyes just as nothing of theirs was. You could feel their skin on yours, feel their warmth radiating onto your very being. It made you dizzy. Made you want to fall into the bed of feathers and lay with them as you were meant to. 

“We are yours to please.” San whispered, rubbing his cheek against your thigh.  

“Yours to do as you wish.” Wooyoung’s hands moved along your other thigh, messaging the skin. 

“We are here as your lovers.” Songhwa whispered in your ear from behind you. 

“You are our one true treasure.” Jongho squeezed the side of your hip.

“We will do all that you ask of us.” Yeosang’s hand came up to brush against your breast.

“The reason we live.” Yunho’s lips brushed against your cheek, nose bumping along your temple. 

“The final piece of our earth defying souls.” Mingi kept his lips pressed to your neck. 

Someone pulled at your chin, making you look up at him. You breathed out your mouth falling open as Hongjoong kept his lips just enough away from yours to make you tremble. 

“Our angel.” He was the first to take your lips.

The others moved out of the way as Hongjoong leaned over you, pushing you back against Seonghwa. His knee placed itself between your legs, causing you to move your hands down to his naked thigh. You let go of him though when more hands started to roam your body once more. 

You felt hands start to play with each of your breasts, fingers lightly skimming over your nipples. Two more pulled your thighs apart, hands slipping between them as they messages your heated skin. A pair began to rub at your hips, pressing his fingers into your soft skin. Separate hands rubbed at your neck, thumbs pressing into your pulse point causing you to feel dizzy from the lack of air. 

Hongjoong leaned back from your lips, watching as your eyes fluttered open. “Tell us what you want.” He whispered. 

He leaned back then, allowing you room to look at them all. Seonghwa’s lips skimmed the shell of your ear. Mingi and Yunho kissed your shoulders. Jongho and Yeosang attached their lips to the side of your breast. San and Wooyoung placed open mouth kisses along the side of your hips. 

“I want all of you.” You breathed out. 

“Then take us.”

And so your head fell back onto Seonghwa’s shoulders, eyes falling shut as you felt all of them attach their lips to your body. They all kiss and suck at their own pleasure, leaving marks on your body that let them know who it was that you belonged to. They all left their own special marks, different shapes and sizes–in different parts of your body. 

You felt them everywhere. Felt them touch you in a way you had never been touched. They showed you things you would never be able to see on your own. They made you feel things you had never felt before. It was euphoric, a feeling you would never be able to get enough of. You needed more–something they gave you. 

You had them all. One by one they took the time to worship you. 

Hongjoong was the first, taking your lips and allowing himself to feel your warm walls around him as he laid on top of you. Seonghwa came next, keeping you sitting on his lap as you bounced with his thrusts. Yunho had you lay on your back, legs held up to rest on his shoulders as he held your thighs. Yeosang had been the most gentle, spooning you from behind as he kept one of your legs up to keep you from getting tired. 

San had you on top, sitting on him as he laid down and used a hand to grope your breasts. Mingi didn’t hold back and held you up against him, groaning and whining in your ear. Wooyoung was a childish one, taking you from behind while he held you against his chest and his fingers lightly pushed into your neck. Jongho was the last one, but he was the longest, taking his time and slowly moving to keep you from burning out after so many orgasms. 

And once you were done, heat leaking with so much cum, you still felt full and complete. Even if you were tired and probably hallucinating from everything but you knew now what you were. What you had been. And you knew the reason you were casted out. It was the very same thing that had stuffed you full one by one. 

You had been greedy in heaven.

It was somewhere in the middle of the night when you had woken up. Fog was settling in outside as the streetlamps illuminated the neighborhood. It reminded you of a horror movie but you knew where the real horrors lied. You felt something had changed in your body. Something that didn’t leave you scared of who you were or what you had. 

You were no demon from hell that had come to create chaos. You were a daughter of god who had chosen to love instead of following orders. You were an angel. The angel who had 8 men waiting for her at their home. 

And so you left in that moment, pajamas still on your body, feet bare as you walked towards the church you grew to hate so much. You could hear the whispers the closer you got, but you only sneered their way. You jaw locked, not wanting to hear another moment of their mindless gossip. 

When you threw the door open, the whispers stopped, everything coming to a harsh silence as you looked down at the aisle and towards the altar.

Hongjoong sat in the middle of the stone table, playing with an hourglass in his hands as he flipped it back and forth. The other seven boys were scattered around, turning their heads the moment they heard you enter. You walked closer, fingers twitching at your side. 

“Why were we casted out?” You asked, taking the steps that led to the small stage. 

“Because our love was seen as greedy.” Hongjoong stood up from the table. “What we do isn’t what others think is right.”

“Father would never think that.” You told him, looking at all the boys who gave you small smiles. 

They grew closer to you, Hongjoong taking your hand and turning you around to sit on the table. They began to surround you as they had in the dream, touching your body. 

“It wasn’t father.” Yunho answered you. “It was our brothers and sisters.”

“They would never understand what we have.” Jongho told you. “Too jealous of the power we had together. 

“But yet, father gave us the chance to find it here–on earth.” Seonghwa smiled, lips brushing against your hair. “We have you here with us now.”

Your lips pressed together as you glanced over all of them. All those feelings you had since you were a child were making sense. The time when the boys went through puberty and were having dreams of heaven. The times when they would hang out without you. You understood where it was they were coming from, but it only left you confused on why you had taken so long to notice where you were in your past life. 

“Why did it take me so long?” You asked. “Why were you all able to find the truth before me?”

They took a moment to look at each other, telepathically coming up with an answer to your question. They already had it but they had to make sure they worded it in a way that you understood. 

“Father had us know the truth before you did because you went through challenges that kept you from learning the truth” Yeosang explained to you. “Your parents prevented you from seeing who you truly were which led to you having inner struggles with yourself.”

“The moment you realized you loved us was the moment you found your past self.” Wooyoung smiled at you, eyes tearing up at the thought of you finally being with them fully. “Your parents were filling your pretty head with nonsense about the church that made you question everything about us and yourself.”

You moved a hand out to wipe at his eyes, making the boy nuzzle into the palm of your hand. 

“We never questioned what we felt for you so we found ourselves quickly.” Mingi began. “We all understood once we finished puberty. It was when we all got our wings back.” Mingi said.

“Wings?” You furrowed your eyebrows. 

The boys suddenly grinned, all perking up at the idea of showing you something magnificent. San, Wooyoung, and Yeosang all moved to stand in front of you, hands stretched out not wanting to let you go for a moment. 

The only things in the whole church that had lighting were the candles practically finished burning through and the bright full moon that was on full display behind you, but you could easily see the boys clear as day. They stood a good amount apart, squaring their shoulders and the moonlight that showed through the window behind the pillars. 

A cloud suddenly passed over the moon, blocking out the light for just a moment. But in a quick second the moon flooded its light causing shadows to fall behind the boys. Your eyes went wide and a small gasp fell from your lips as dark shadows of wings displayed themselves on the pews of the church. 

All three boys had different shapes, different places that had holes but you could clearly see them. Just as quickly as they appeared, they quickly disappeared the moment another cloud passed over the moon. You looked up at them, breathless from the stunning sight.

“They’re beautiful.” You whispered.

The three boys smiled at your statement, quickly making their way back over to you. They reached their spots, finding a way to touch you once more. 

“They are nothing compared to what they used to be. But it means so much to hear you say that.” Yeosang softly told you. 

You felt at home. Safe in their arms and caressing touches. You had nothing to worry about now that you knew the truth. Nothing to hide from. And no parents to think about anymore. You were your own person–much more powerful than they could ever be. There was no reason to be scared of them anymore. You were someone who found their heaven. 

“What about heaven?” You asked suddenly, remembering your old home. 

“We don’t need it so long as we are together.” San kissed your knuckles. “You are the last piece of our puzzle.”

“Welcome to our heaven, my love.” Hongjoong kissed you then.

Permanent Taglist: @hecateslittlewitchling , @ldysmfrst , @rln-byg , @vampcharxter , @angieskzzzz , @puppyminnnie , @smilingtokki

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C.L- Never be the same

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Chapter 1 everybody, let's get into this!!! Enjoy :)

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Chapter 1: A girl with hazel eyes and a hand full of scars

May, 2023

York Veterinary Center, NYC, USA

"You need some break from this!" Heidi said bending over the receptionist's counter "I don't have time for a break" she said while signing a few records "I bet you have you just don't want to" She sighed and stared at her "Probably you have a lot of doctors here. You work a lot and I am one hundred percent you can take a break for a whole week if you asked to. You just don't want to delegate" "What can I do in my time off?" "Don't you have any hobbies, family or friends?" "I have. I have time for them on the weekends" "What about a trip? I know you like the French Riviera" she looked out of nowhere with a dreamy expression on her face "Yes, Monaco personally" "See? Talk to your boss, take a a few days off, go to Monaco" "Nah, I would need to save some money for it" she thought a little "So come to Miami with me" "Miami?" "Yes" "What do you have to do in Miami?" "Go to the beach, watch Miami Heat play, watch Formula 1" "Formula 1" she always forgets Heidi dates Daniel Riccardo "Do you like it?" her last ex was crazy about it. It have been 6 years since they broke up and she haven't seen one race since then "I haven't watched a grand prix for a while now" "Really?" "Yes. 6 years" "Wow. It's a lot" "Yeah. Is Daniel still racing?" "Not at the moment but he's Red Bull's reserve driver" "That's nice" Heidi disagreed with that "Did you attend a race already?" "Never" "Come with me then! I can get you a VIP pass with Dan" She actually missed watching the races and she always wished to go to watch one in person. It would also be expensive even with the tickets on Daniel but less than Monaco for sure "Alright, H, I go with you" "Really?!" "If I get the day off, yes" "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so happy!" She jumped over her and hugged her friend "Okay, now let me work" "Alright"

...

May, 7th, 2023

Miami International Autodrome, Miami, USA

Charles was everything but satisfied with his position that weekend. Carlos started from 3rd position and him from 7th. What a good way to start a race. The thing that made him most angry was how could super Max win the damn race starting from 9th in the grid when he couldn't even gain one single position?! At least he maintained in 7th while his teammate lost 2 positions ending in 5th. Things were shady between the Ferrari's drivers that year. And the "crème de la crème" of the weekend was an annoying journalist wanting to talk to him at all costs

"Is it a good time?" It wasn't a good time, he hadn't stopped Super Max and he climbed the grid to get the pole. But even so, he smiled politely "Yes, sure" he wasn't convincing himself but seemed to convince the lady "Good! Charles, how do you feel?" Broken. Useless. "Not in my best mood, but... Looking forward to better days" "That's the spirit. Can we do something to up your mood?" Force Max to retire next season "Just keep supporting me, seriously, your love messages... Mean a lot to me" the interviewer opened a warm smile "You're lovely" he opened the same smile "I'm just being honest" and he was "would you like to make a retribution for a fan?" No! At least not right now. I was just hoping that you all would leave me alone to hate myself for the crap I'm feeling today "Sure" "Great! Please follow me" Nice! Now he had to relocate. "Wait here" she walked a few feet towards a tall man "Excuse me" She started. The man who was laughing with two girls turned to the lady who Charles knew as 'the interviewer' "Daniel Ric? Are you the fan of mine?" Daniel opened his big signature smile "No. I mean, I am but the surprise isn't for me but for this little one here" Daniel stepped to the side and showed a little girl, who was about 6 to 8 years old, wearing Ferrari's whole outfit. The journalist squatted and asked the girl "Hello. My name is Valeriana, I’m a journalist, do you want to meet my friend?" 'We are not friends' Charles thought. The kid nodded "Charles, would you like to join us?" "Sure!" he said shyly and the child tapped her mouth as she was meeting Santa "Oh, my God" he didn't know why but her reaction gave him the power he wanted back. He smiled and offered a hug to the little one, lifting her up with one arm only "I didn't know the fan was her. Could have warned me so I would have aligned my hair" he told Valeriana running his fingers on his hair, causing everyone to laugh "Hi, nice to meet you, princess" she was still the same way, frozen like a photograph "She's a shy lady, don't be offended" Daniel placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed lightly "Hi!" she said quickly just for him "Hi! How's your name?" he replied warmly, a smile on his face "Celeste" "That's a beautiful name. Is it French?" "Yes" "Nice to meet you, Celeste. I'm Charles" "You're amazing" "Do you think?" "Yes" "Well, thank you, Celeste. You're also amazing" she blushed, wishing to disappear "Would you like me to sign your cap?" "Please" "And take a picture?" she nodded affirmatively " Okay, let's do it. Will you take the picture, Dan?" "Sure!" Daniel grabbed Celeste's mother's cell phone and photographed them "There you go" "Does someone have a pen?” Charles asked. People started to look around for a black marker as if God had asked himself, and the first person who did it was a girl, one of the girls who was talking to Daniel when he first came to the scene "Here" she had a strong American accent and her hands had tons of scars. He didn't feel as hypnotized as he was at that moment in a while. She had brown, straight, short hair but long enough to be tied, hazel eyes, and light skin which he figured out was soft even with all the scars when his fingers brushed on hers at the moment he grabbed the marker "Thanks" she nodded. Charles placed Celeste on the ground and knelled to sign her cap and shirt "There you go, Celeste" she hugged him "Thank you!" he hugged "You're welcome" Then he stood up "Say goodbye to Charlie, Celeste" Daniel told her "Goodbye" he smiled, she was so cute "Bye bye" then she ran for her mother . "Thanks, Charles" "It was my pleasure" then he walked away from the journalist and walked towards the owner of the pen "Your pen, miss" "Thanks" she grabbed it quickly "Would you like me to sign something for you?" "No, thank you" "Or a picture?" "I'm good" Wow, she was tough "Do you know I..." "You're Charles Leclerc, I'm aware" "Oh... okay"' he coughed "Goodbye, then" "Goodbye" If little Celeste didn't appear to cheer up his day, he would be damned.

...

Later that day

"Come on, it will be funny. I promise" Lando threw an arm around Charles's neck and forced him to walk toward the club "Lando" the British man pretended he wasn't listening "Lando" he still didn’t give a shit "Lando!" Charles shouted. Lando stopped and the Monegasque got rid of him "What!? Don't want to have some fun?" "Lando..." "Even Max is here, mate!" he turned to where his friend was pointing. Max was holding hands with Kelly and right beside them Daniel holding hands with a blonde lady he assumed was his girlfriend and with them, the hazel eyes princess who caught his attention earlier that day "Look in my eyes and tell me you don't want to come with me. Do this and I'll let you go"

of course, he wanted now, his girlfriend probably wouldn't but he was not going to do anything wrong "You won. I'm joining you" Lando smiled "Yes! Let's go" and they walked into the club. Already inside the duo decided to split

"I'll have us some drinks, go dance" "Will you find me?" "Sure! Who else would dance so badly in this club?” Charles threw him a deadly look “I’ll call you if I don't, mate" "Alright" Lando made his way to the bar and Charles to the crowd. Maybe dancing made his mind off the championship. Even though his mind was already on something else, the tough girl with honey eyes and scared hands. Charles was so distracted that he bumped into Heidi "Sorry, miss." her drink spilled on the floor “I can pay you another drink” She turned to face him "It's fi... Charles!" he looked confused "Do we know each other?" "I'm Heidi" he still had no clue "I'm Daniel's girlfriend" "Dani Ric?" "Yes!" "Oh! Hi, it's nice to meet you" "Nice to meet you too. Hum... are you here alone?" "No! I am with Lando" "He's such a nice boy, isn't he?" "He is" they smiled politely to each other "You came with Daniel, right?" "Yes, he's looking for a restroom" "Good" "I also came with a friend, she went to the bar to find herself a drink" Heidi looked from above Charles' shoulder "Look her there" he turned to where she pointed "Apparently she found your friend too". Heidi's friend was the girl he was looking for and she was walking toward him, giggling with Lando Norris "Fuck, Lando! You promised it would be funny" Charles thought. "Hey, guys!" Lando started "Heidi! How long. How have you been?" "I'm good, thanks" "Where's Daniel?" "Bathroom" "Oh! Right" "I see you found my friend" "Yes, hum..." he turned to her "That's Charles" "I met him earlier today" "Hello again" "Hi" "Your drink, mate" "Thank you" "Wow, I can't go to the bathroom and you guys already start the party without me" Daniel came to break the tension of the moment "Hi, Daniel" Lando and Charles said in unison "Babe, let's dance" "Alright. See you guys around" Heidi and Daniel walked away from the trio. "Charles, do you mind if I take her to dance?" OF COURSE I MIND, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU HAVE THE WHOLE CLUB TO DANCE WITH AND YOU WANT TO TAKE THE GIRL I LIKE TO DANCE?! Charles thought without actually being able to say cause after all he was taken already "No, not at all" "Alright" Lando offered a hand to her "Shall we?" she giggled "Okay". Charles gave a big sip of his drink "How can she be interested in him and not me?" he sipped again "I might have offered her a drink instead of an autograph".

....

A few minutes later she was walking toward his direction again. He was sitting on the bench with his third drink. This time she was not with Lando "Hello again for the third time today" she smiled politely "Hi again for the third time on this da. Can I sit here?" "Yes, please" "Thanks" "Where is Lando?" "He went back to the bar" "And you rather sit here with me?" "He left his friend alone in a club. I felt bad for you" "I thought you didn't like me" "I don't dislike you. I just have empathy" "You're kind" she smiled, politely "Thank you" "So you don't hate me?" "You are just way too convinced in my opinion" "I'm not!" "You seemed to be" "I know. I was just trying to impress you" "You chose poorly, Mr Leclerc" "I thought so. Sorry" "It's okay" "Are you from Miami?" "New York" "And what are you doing here?" "Heidi invited me to watch the race. She says I work too much" "What do you work with?" "I am a veterinarian" "Wow. So you're very clever" "I am" "And that's why you have so many scars on your hand" "Why did you choose the profession?" "I always went along more with animals than humans" he laughed "Vous êtes drôle" "Merci. Mais je t'avais dit la vérité" "Parlez-vous français?!" "Oui. J'ai apprendré a l'école" "J'ai pensé que vous êtes française" "I'm not. I'm American" "Well, I like animals too" "Do you have a pet?" "Are you trying to get a new client?" "No" she said seriously "I am just trying to talk" "Okay" he sipped his drink again “I don't. "And you? Any pets?" Yes, a black cat. Her name is Sabrina" "How cute!" she grinned, shyly "I would like a turtle too but I live in an apartment in Brooklyn" he laughed "I already saw turtles in Monte Carlo" Her eyes brightened "Monaco?" "Yes. It's where I'm from" "I dream of visiting Monaco" "You would love it. It's... perfect. Even with all its imperfections" She could see how passionate he was about his home country "I believe" he looked at her and for the first time in the night their eyes met and they smiled at each other. But, of course, Lando had to break it "Your drink, lady" "Thanks" "Move" She sat in between Lando and Charles and the Monegasque swore he couldn't breathe. But at the same time he could breathe so perfectly cause his nostrils were happily filled with her scent, her perfume

"What were you guys talking about?" "Monaco. I dream of visiting it" "Do you know I live in Monaco?" "You are both lucky" "Maybe you could visit me one day" "What?!" the other two said in unison "I... I couldn't" "Why not? Is that about money? I can pay for everything for you" "No, Lando, I can't accept that. Especially that we just met" he smirked "So we should know each other mor" She blushed "Yeah, maybe" Charles just wanted to die.

...

About an hour and a half later Heidi and her friend decided to go back to the hotel

"Well, I am leaving now guys. Thanks for the night. I had a lot of fun" "My pleasure, lady" Lando kissed her hand, she giggled and Charles rolled her eyes "Mine too" the Monegasque added "May I have your phone number?" Lando asked "I don't think so" "Your socials maybe?" She chewed her inner cheek "Sure" he smiled "Great!" He opened Instagram and gave it to he, she tapped her account. Charles had an eye on it, trying to get the username without having to ask her or Lando but he didn't succeed "There you go" "Thanks! I DM you" "Alright. Hum... Bye then. Till another day, maybe" "Bye!" The F1 drivers said in unison. As soon as she turned her back, Charles glued his eyes on Lando's phone. Of course, it was a private account. He didn't have much time to see the username cause Lando already was reaching for another drink but he saw a lipgloss on the floor. Had she dropped it on purpose? It didn't matter. Charles just grabbed it and reached out for its owner “Hey!” She turned back “Your lipgloss” “Oh my God! Thank you! It's my favorite” “You’re welcome. Hum… can I also have your Instagram? So we can talk” “Sure! Give me your phone” he did “There you go. I am waiting for your text” “Okay” “Bye, Charles. Enjoy the rest of your evening” “Bye. You too” and that was it, the beginning of their story.

[lowpolynpixelated]

So, you don't wanna play Nintendo games

As I'm sure a lot of you lovely folks out there have seen, Nintendo recently did its most recent act of evil by suing the dev team behind both the Citra and Yuzu emulators. While I won't get into how I feel about it as a fan of media archival work and a massively passionate fan of video game history, this is despicable to say the least. What I WILL do, is get straight to the point the title says! So, you don't wanna play Nintendo games? Well do I have some games for you! I've seen a few posts like this floating around, and I absolutely adored the concept of talking about niche/lesser known titles that get overshadowed in their genre by bigger names, such as Nintendo. As an avid player of weird and wonderful games throughout my life I think I've got some good ones that I've slotted into some neat categories below. I hope you enjoy this post! And I hope you take a new favourite away as well!

(Note: All of the games listed below are available to play on very easily accessible emulators.)

So, you like 3D platformers do ya?

-My first and foremost suggestion is always the woefully underappreciated game Taz Wanted.

This wacky platformer sees you in the role of the one and only Taz, or the Tazmanian Devil for long, from the Looney Toons property. The game revolves around you entering large colourful levels filled with goofy enemies and a lovely cell shaded art style to mimic that classic cartoon look. Within those levels your job is to find and destroy a certain number of wanted posters which can take the form of just about anything. From standing signs to blimps your goal is to solve various platforming challenges, puzzles, and minigames to destroy these posters and secure an item that will assist you in getting to the next hub world. With 4 worlds to explore and each world with 3 levels and a boss fight game at the end, I'm sure any fan of 3D platforming will have a blast.

-Next up is a package deal, the first of which is a 3D platformer predating Mario64! These games are none other than the Jumping Flash! games.

The two games play identically, and are both a seriously good time. Taking place entirely in first person you take up the mantle of intergalactic space hero robot Robbit tasked with collecting a certain number of items in large playground-like levels made with tons of verticality in mind. Why you may ask? Because much like the name suggests Robbit can JUMP. The game employs a fantastically implemented camera system which forces you to look down at Robbit's feet when you use your double/tripple jump, ensuring you can see where you're landing. On top of this, the game's level design feels like a never ending barrage of jungle gyms and challenging boss fights all set to a cartoonish story with bright poppy visuals, and not to mention a soundtrack of absolute bangers

Okay, but what about the Zelda fans?

-I assure you I haven't forgotten, and my first pick here is an all time favourite of mine ever since I played it when I was like, 8 years old. Sphinx and the cursed mummy is a 3D adventure action game where you play as both the titular Sphinx and the cursed pharaoh to be, Tutankhamen .

The game is heavily inspired by Egyptian mythology and sees you battling and puzzling your way through a world of mysteries and great evils lurking just beneath the surface. Exciting battles, puzzle platforming, monster collecting, and so so much more are all front and center in this game, and I really cannot recommend it enough to anyone who wants a different adventuring experience in their life.

-The second and last one in this category I PROMISE a lot of you have heard of but I really want to drive home just HOW GOOD it is. Okami stands tall as one of the best examples of non-Zelda 3D action adventuring.

Taking place in a GORGEOUSLY rendered fantasy rendition of classical Japan, the adventures of the sun goddess Amaterasu are yours to control. I really cannot stress HOW GOOD this game still looks today, even without the HD remasters its been given. The entire game is rendered in a cell-shaded art style reminiscent of classical Japanese paintings, giving the whole world a vibrant painted aesthetic that never EVER gets old. On top of this the game provides a truly unique combat and interaction system, seeing you use a paintbrush to paint your attacks and spells into reality. There isn't much I can say about this game that hasn't been said already, and it's certainly the least niche game on this list. Go give it a shot! You won't regret it.

So we did 3D platformers, but what about 2D?

-Fear not! I've got some solid suggestions for those too! Our first one here is another bundle of 2, those being the Klonoa games.

Klonoa: Door to Phantomile and its sequel, Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil, are two of the best 2D platformers I've ever played. Releasing on the PlayStation and PlayStation 2 respectively, these games utilize a 2.5D perspective to let you run back and forth through revolving dioramas of platforming goodness. With a cheery, almost circus-like soundtrack and an adorably charming artstyle to match, I have such fond memories of discovering these games for the first time. The 3D nature of the game's assets allow for some truly impressive setpieces and boss battles, along with the aforementioned circular scrolling you partake in. Bubbling and tossing enemies at each other never seems to get old, or using the same bubbled enemies to get just a little more height to reach a secret. Definitely give these ones a shot if you're a fan of fun 2D playgrounds.

-Here's a real weird one to cap this category off (and another two pack to boot!) Loco Roco 1 and 2 are a set of puzzle platformers with a bit of an unorthodox control scheme.

Coming out on the PSP these are some WILD experiences. In the games you control a horde of blobs that sing with childrens voices to some rather catchy tunes, and tilt the entire world around them with the left and right triggers to get them over under and anything in between, and then to the exit. Did I say you play as the blobs? I meant you play as THE PLANET the blobs are on! See what I mean? These games are absolutely a delightful time though. And with such poppy mid 2000s soundtracks I can't help but love them. The tilting gameplay is tough as nails to master, and getting through a level with all your little Rocos AND the collectibles is no easy task. Give these ones a look! Or at least listen to the soundtrack.

And at last we arrive at the one's I couldn't think of more for, or couldn't think of where to place.

The next two games are just rapid fire ones that are personal non-nintendo favourites of mine, covering a variety of genres.

Ribbit King is my favourite wacky sports game ever. You play Frolf instead of Golf, Frolf being Golf but with frogs, get it? Send your frog around the bright colourful stages to gather points and be the first one to sink your frog to get the full 1000 available from the hole. Alternatively go for a FROG-IN-ONE to get 1500,

Wipeout is a series of tough as nails futuristic hover-racing games a la F-Zero. The soundtracks boast an inumerable amount of Drum and Bass/Electronic jams and the gameplay is lightning fast and smooth as all hell. Not to mention the games are just SO stylish. I'd recommend Wipeout Pure on the PSP, but all of the PlayStation consoles before the PS3 have at least one Wipeout game. Highly recommend checking them out.

SO obviously I couldn't put EVERY game I'd recommend in one post. But I really do hope this list gives you something new to play. Gaming history is so monumentally important to me, and what happened to Citra and Yuzu is nothing short of a tragedy. Always remember folks, play new games! Play old games! Hack your old hardware! Pirate new software! EMULATION IS FREE, LEGAL, AND FOR EVERYONE!

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

August has mainly been consumed by moving country, moving job, and moving house so I've not really had any free time to do anything or have any thoughts other than panicked screaming.

That being said, there were plenty of dramas I was looking forward to due to air in August and, luckily for me, most of them did not disappoint! So without further ado, let's take a look at which dramas got me through the mountains of paperwork and stress (and which didn't).

The Trainee 🇹🇭 👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👨(👩‍❤️‍👩) [10/12]

I'm going to be so sad when this show ends.

It has met and matched all my expectations so far and in terms of its narrative arcs it's absolutely fantastic (as are the characters and their relationships).

This is a show that does have romance in it but which isn't about romance, choosing to focus instead on character development both within and outside of the characters' various relationships. It's done a great job of showcasing the complex period of transition between young adulthood and working adulthood and while I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, it's definitely mine. Slow-burn, character centred, slice-of-life.... Perfection 😘👌

I started watching these next few dramas after I started moving and so really don't have any other capacity for thoughts other than "like" and "don't like". There's not going to be much commentary, just vibes.

Love Next Door 🇰🇷👩‍❤️‍👨 [5/16]

I was looking forward to this one and it's making me very happy so far. I love the bickering, I like the hints at deeper relationship issues and I'm just plain looking forward to whenever a new episode airs.

I'd say the only thing that's giving me pause so far is the second couple, especially Mo-Eun because wtf do you mean "the 5 year old child I just met is actually my new friend"? I don't care that she meant it innocently, that's still a damn weird thing to say.

Romance in the House 🇰🇷👩‍❤️‍👨 [5/12]

Korea has been really knocking it out of the house with mother daughter dramas recently, I want to know what lit the spark now.

Again, I'm enjoying each episode as it comes and I'm looking forward to each new episode so it's a yes from me so far. It's definitely giving me Not Others vibes but given I really like that drama, that's not a criticism.

(Also the award for most complicated family tree goes to Romance in the House but it also manages to make it work?)

Cinderella at 2AM 🇰🇷👩‍❤️‍👨 [2/10]

I saw someone say that a drama where the leads are already together at the start of the drama is lazy but I'm inclined to disagree.

Pretty much every romance has the leads fall in love and get together as the show progresses, there's a tried and tested route map for that (heck there's loads of route maps for that). On the other hand, I can't think of many that start with the couple 2 years into the relationship and, as such, there's probably a lot more work involved in working out how to successfully pull the romance off.

So far I have no complaints and I'm intrigued about where it's actually going to go. It's not particularly deep but it is cute and Shin Hyun Bean is who I'm here for anyway.

My Sweet Mobster 🇰🇷👩‍❤️‍👨

This was a very cute, very funny watch that still somehow managed to tackle a serious topic with as much care as it could. Could it have delved even further into the topic of restorative criminal justice and rehabilitation? Yes, but not without completely changing the mood. Could it have subverted the "knew each other from childhood" trope and done something new? Yes, but this show wasn't going for reinventing the wheel, it was going for doing the wheel well.

The characters were very likeable, the relationships between them were beautifully written and it was a nice easy watch that I'll probably pick up again some time in the future if I need something fun.

⭐ rating: 8/10

Concrete Utopia 🇰🇷📽️

I watched this with family friends after they very kindly let me stay with them for a week and wanted to watch something with me they thought I'd enjoy. I had never heard of the film before so had no expectations whatsoever but it was a surprisingly deep and timely watch.

It spends a lot of time examining the effects of "othering" as well as asking how much people are willing to excuse, ignore or even participate in in the name of self preservation and there were definitely some scenes that felt barely exaggerated given what's been on the news in recent months.

I wouldn't call it an enjoyable watch (because the consequences of post-apocalyptic dystopias are hardly enjoyable) but it was an interesting one and I'd probably recommend it to a friend looking for a film to watch.

⭐ rating: 7.5

Knock Knock Boys! 🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨

I was late picking up Knock Knock Boys! but, once I did, I binged it without any regrets. This was another show that was just cute and fun and very, very good at handling the topics it chose to tackle.

Latte is a new favourite character and Almond, Thanwa, Peak and all the rest all have a little space in my heart now (Jane especially). If anyone wants a comedy/slice of life BL to watch then I'd definitely point them in this dramas direction and them watch them watch it 😋

(also I don't know how but I somehow managed to miss the infamous poo scene everyone was talking about... Which is probably just as well because I don't deal well with scatological humour).

⭐ rating: 7.5/10

Century of Love 🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨 [Dropped]

I'm sad about this one because I was looking forward to catching up with it after I got distracted by Knock Knock Boys but now I'm very grateful for being made to stray. This show had such a promising start but, judging by everything I saw in passing, it dropped the ball hard in the second half.

Given everything else going on right now and the fact that my drama quota is pretty much full up right now, I'm not really interested in investing time in a show that doesn't meet its own potential.

Monster Next Door 🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨 [Dropped]

This had the weirdest pacing of a first episode I've seen in a while and it really threw me off. I just couldn't connect with anything or anyone after the multiple false starts and I wasn't curious to keep trying.

(Also the tortoise tank made me wince every time it was on screen)

(Also yes I know I said I was hyped for this one but I think the idea appealed far more than the reality of it).

Battle of the Writers 🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨 [Dropped]

Just a no from me to be honest. I don't think it checked any of the boxes of things I usually enjoy and that's okay.

4Minutes 🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨 [On Hold] [4/8]

Don't get me wrong!!! I have loved everything I've seen so far of this drama (I'm up to episode 4). The only reason 4Minutes is here instead of in the "Currently Watching" section is because I wasn't able to keep up with it while I was travelling and I want to give it the right amount of time and attention when I catch up with it.

I'm a little sad I can't join in with the theories but I'm really looking forward to getting back to it when I'm ready!

(Also I finally own a TV after 10 years of not having one and I'm mentally preparing myself for watching it on a big screen, something the first 3 episodes have indicated is a high risk manoeuvre that may involve drawn curtains and a finger on the volume button to avoid questions from my neighbours).

Midnight Romance in Hagwon 🇰🇷👩‍❤️‍👨 [On Hold] [4/16]

Like 4Minutes, this isn't a matter of not enjoying it, this is a matter of time and focus. I couldn't watch it while I was traveling and now I am way too stressed, and thus easily distracted, to give this show the thought and attention it deserves.

It has been a fantastic watch so far though, and the level of detail in each scene was so ridiculously impressive to the point where I was frequently going back to check I hadn't missed any of the nuance 👌

I barely know what's up now, let alone next so I can't really do this section. That being said, I know I'm hyped for Love In the Big City (🇰🇷👨‍❤️‍👨) and that's airing in October so that's all the really matters at the moment. If anything else comes up that I want to watch, that's a nice little bonus.

(There are other dramas I'm looking forward to - like Kidnap (🇹🇭👨‍❤️‍👨) - but I have no clue when they're airing and I don't have the brain power to check and make a calendar so I'm just going to be pleasantly surprised when they start rather than actively anticipating their release).

[dragon-queen21]

I need more content on your OCs

Ahh this is the nicest ask, I love talking about my babies :3 I really do want to start posting more about them so take some i to posts about a few of them

Tristan:

~Okay so little info, he’s a high elf who joins with the rest of my characters under a contract or service in exchange of protection for himself and his sister (insert paragraphs worth of lore here that no one is interested in- this is an agere blog I need to stop). Selectively mute as a trauma response, which puts off a lot of people, because elves already look down on other races, so most people first meeting him think Tristan is just being an arse. Really he’s just socially awkward and doesn’t know how to get along with people, or the right things to say.

~Middle space regressor 8-12 , who’s usually the one getting people into trouble. Because he thinks that what he was allowed to get away with as a child, is fine to be doing regressed.

~Mentally 8 year old who thinks it would be a great idea if he gave May matching ear piercings like he has! Yes, she’s mentally two years old right now, that probably isn’t something to be concerned about (It definitely is)

“I got mine pierced at dis age! Not fair!!” Captain Spurgeon who’s having to deal with a sobbing toddler (who mind you has survived much, much worse than a small prick to her ear) “Just because you could before, doesn’t make it a smart choice now” Tristan: “Your mean!” Spurgeon: “Why am I always the bad guy here?”

~Trying to dye his own hair small. It turns out orange. Tristan is crying, trying to bleach his hair again would be a terrible decision and he’s pretty sure he’s just going to hide away for the next two weeks until the color fades

~Moral of the story, he can’t be alone when regressed, especially not with another little around.

~Has a really rocky relationship with his dad Jilk, who’s trying to be better. Tristan is a lot more open when he’s regressed, not that he fully trusts his father. Jilk meanwhile is so scared that he’s going to somehow like, break his son. Little one wants to be held? It takes the elder a full minute to work up the courage to actually pick his kid up.

Laurence:

~Wow the actual canonical regressor in my (soon to be) series (Yes I am aware that any of my characters can technically be regressors, but a lot of it is just implied, whereas with Laurence I do write him a lot younger than his actual age

~Perma regressor to the ages of 5 to 7, other times he regresses to baby space

~A young boy with a gifted mask of a long-passed fox spirited. These powers creep their way into his physical form and he can often be found with ghost like ears and tails of the fox who cursed/blessed him. He’s always had a fascination in ghosts and tells others things that he shouldn’t have knowledge to.

~As much as anyone knows he’s Dustin’s younger brother, though he doesn’t refer to the elder by his name and simply the title of ‘brother’ There’s a running bet if he actually does know Dustin’s name or not.

~Usually his brother looks after him, though after warming up to the crew members it turns out he’s an absolute mama’s boy. He clings to Hannah because the avian reminds him of his bio mom.

~Carries a fox toy with him when he’s little and gets his brother to make his toy little outfits so that he can play dress up. Often trying to get the other littles to play make believe with him by ‘bribing’ them that they can pick any of his stuffies (besides his fox) to play with

~Still in that phase of having imaginary friends. It’s all fine and dandy until asked who went to get him a sippy cup or a bottle of his favorite drink (baby is not allowed to use the stove) and he says that  **** got it for him.

Captain William C. Spurgeon

~The owner of the largest flying trade ship in the known nations, the S.W. Tallow. He’s a gruff and stoic man, who’s closest friend is his first mate Gale. He only got involved in this group of runaways when asked to fly them across port (and sub sequentially stow them away on his ship and get his own bounty increased) And turns out it’s sort of nice to have the place feel alive again instead of having so many empty rooms with nothing but stock and crates to fill the space.

~Grumpy father figure who “didn’t sign up for this” He loves his kids, he’s just in denial of them being his kids

“Where the hell are my ki- I mean- the kids, the kids”

~Something, something sea captain who is afraid of water (the theory now is that he doesn’t know how to swim and possibly almost drowned before??? It doesn’t explain why he still travels the oceans though…) Doesn’t help with bathtimes, or if a kiddo wants to go wade into the shallows, even just grabbing a cup or water or tea he refuses- let someone else do it

~Makes homemade toys with old washed up pieces of sea wood, and macrame baby toys. Could probably carry around one of the teenagers for most of the afternoon and not even blink an eye at it. He’s known for his stories. Spurgeon has met mythical creatures only few whisper about, he knows about the depths of the oceans, he talks about forgotten history from hundreds of years ago as though he was there…

~The regressor’s listening are amazed, the adults who over hear however can’t decide whether to chalk it up to an old sea captain who has spent years accumulating a knack of storytelling for long trips spent with nothing but waves and sky for company, or if there’s something he isn’t letting them in on…

(Wow I wrote nearly a thousand words over just three characters. Yeah I’ve been developing this story for almost three years now, I have a lot to share hehe. Hopping to have my own book in maybe the next couple years :3 )

[bigdsgirl]

Thoughts on LND Episode 8

spoilers ahead! and screams! because ya know. this damn show.

"do you really not know? from morning until night, from child hood until now, it's been my fate and my task" - bye, i am going to combust now

the piano music has me rolling, i'm sorry lol

love that he is giving her time, especially after just shocking her with that announcement lol

the birthday card with no note. jfc. and the REPEAT GIFT??? omfg. i have so many feelings. and he goes back to the hospital!! oh it hurts!

the flashback at the pool -- oh she liked him first. "the feelings are still so vivid" - hate to say it but i think they never left babe.

his panic has me fucking cackling. "it was good, I did great" YES YOU DID BABY!!!!!!

alright the knife to head transition was kind of sick. i loved it.

throw the rock queen i dare you. NO YOU GO DO IT!!!!

I am just going feral waiting for them to open them at the same time - PUHLEAAASE! ugh boo.

aw momma & son moment - oh shit you are pretending to FORGET. SIR. oh this some bullshit. just communicate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE TIE! THE TIE! AHHHHHHHHH. no don't give it back, just keep it <3 let's start our shrine to him.

oh god mom thinks it's the ex but you would be WRONG!

HE WANTED TOI BE BURIED IN IT?????????????? WITH THE BLOOD??? BYEALKDKJAGKDFGJALFKGJAG

this girl just does not know how to respond, she is flustered as fuck and i love it

pick an expiration date to decide how much time she has lol and he is like PERISHABLE GOODS PLEASE I WANT YOU NOW!

hearts thumping let's gooooooooooooooo (and of course she bolts)

bahah this man gets sassed by the staff (i love it! you tell him!)

okay sir let's do the special! lets go! and of course we gotta start with his fave paramedic <3

the push ups oh girl, I am the same, we are just poor girls weak for our man

not the showing how they met please nooooooooo (or how mama imagines it?? lol)

i want this ex to GO AWAY PLEASE. idc what's happening, leave them alone! now!

her dad just standing right in front the CLEAR DOOR, in front of her and she doesn't see, god i love kdramas

ONLY 11 DAYS???? Girl, it's 11 days too many, just kiss him, <3

oh goodness, mom and dad got things to say. and i am sat for it!

"I don't want her to be a failure and live like me" well fuck that's a sucker punch. yikes.

these two men are hilarious i love that they are just such a mess together <3

"soaked in my feelings of inferiority" well holy fuck sir. "well mine is bone dry" OP--

dad acting like a 3-year old with his "why"

awww shit, i was hoping to see him be drunk with her. ugh instead we just got hung over.

teeeheee flash back of the drunk daddios! hehe!!

the mountain stfu, this is the humor i need in life -- phenomenal, oscar worthy performance

the way this son rolls is just like my middle brother lol, the amount of times he has tried to get family members to try crypto, oh sirrr. i am with you seok-ryu!

oh the hole in the heart, the babying. my goodness. "see if you can treat your sick child that way" --> look i know what's coming and fuck that hurts.

seung-hyo you DOG, "there are 10 days left"

also sir, where do you get your work bag from? I need it <3

tae-hui!!!! baby girl!!! ily.

ugh ruined. freaking ex-poophead is here.

look i get it, they were cute its all cute. but it's the wrong person, so I don't care.

okay they be laying it on thick with the digestive health shit - i know what's happening and i do not like it.

omfg her shock that he told her! he told seok-ryu how he felt!

okay look sir, the way your hands be clasped? the suit? the watch? it is a felony and you need to be taken to jail. it looks too damn good.

tae-hui, her outfit. ma'am the woman you are.

wait shit. i just realized -- she said she doesn't drink if I remember right? or am I wrong.

oh babe while are you pulling out so much cash. oh no oh no. mom is finding out about the cooking class. i am not excited for this.

WAIT BABE DONT TRASH EM!!! give them to me. no don't waste them!

omg the bag, not the bag. oh no. not mom.

omg yay! they are interacting <3 i love it! NO WAIT NO ITS A RUSE WHY IS MOM DOING THIS.

the eldest daughter in me is fucking quaking. I hated this growing up. the expectations. the disappointment for finding out something she loves that isn't what they want. omg.

oh i am so glad he is here stepping up for her. thank god.

this fucking hurts. oh lord. my heart is shattering for her.

he immediately goes after her, my heart, my heart. oh it's breaking.

he has a spot to comfort someone in case something happened. STOP IT WAS FOR HER.

I am having worries. every time he is a few steps behind, i worry that he has to follow her in death too (i don't want this to happen but fuck the gut is so sure)

he offered his kitchen for her!!!! ah!!!!!! hell yeah hell yeah!

he just cannot take his eyes off of her. and the nine days left, you TURD I LOVE IT.

it's observation day!!! me when I see them together like this:

oh my man look good in the uniform! <3 and they gave him a locker too??? how nice of them!!!

i freaking love the alarm music they use. the best thing ever.

oh wait. oh wait girl you gonna eat the side dishes??? hehe i love that. ope moment over. wait. he is being nice ish..... ish............ the joys of marriage lol.

oh no, oh no. is he asking for a divorce???? oh NO.

oh goodie, i hope the man is not allergic to bees. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. oh he might be. oh he is lol.

paramedics are the backbone, i always have such immense respect for them.

i also need to get this off my chest working in healthcare/public health -- never in a MILLION YEARS would a hospital actually allow the possible legal risk of having the man help with these calls. okay, now im back to la la land.

love the posters in the background of all the dramas 😭

the popcorn -- omfg. no no sir don't you dare. i will combust.

fuck he did.

girl why you pause. why you be like this what is happening. oh god it's him. and of course he is a new client. of course!

the way my man seung-hyo be acting like a child with the ex here. i am eating this shit up.

LOL of course he needs to leave leaving the two together.

THAT'S RIGHT YOU TELL HIM THAT HE HAS COMPETITION!!!!

lol me - both get out, leave my girl to cook. these two are too much, i'm cackling.

THE POPCORN YES GIRL. he is so happy about this, he is just lapping it up. and same king. same. "have some" you MENACE.

lol this man is gonna faint it's so much work. YAY CELEBRATORY DINNER! lol the bladder infection, brother TMI!!!!

"we end up dating each other" man is gonna become a paramedic to make sure he and mo-eum are gonna be together forever and no one can come between them 🤭🤭🤭

BAHAHAHAHA THE MUDFLATS MAN RETURNS!!!!!!!! I am SCREAMING!!!!!! they both just panic. wait no hold hands down there, pls <3

wait shit girl, you don't look good. girly no.

oh damn oh damn. seok-ryu. i get it but oh. oh it hurts so bad.

oh sweetie no. oh i get it, my hear hurts for you.

the WAY I KNEW - his and her secret. oh my.

now i must wait FOR MY BABIES TO RETURN.

and i will be sobbing <3

[michellemisfit]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY - FIRSTS!

Tagged by @suzy-queued @deedala @darlingian @heymrspatel @lingy910y @energievie @mybrainismelted @blue-disco-lights

Name: Michelle

Age: Currently getting a kick out of telling people that I’m nearly 40 and having them go ‘NO WAY!!!’ - It’s funny and flattering :)

First Pet: Siberian gerbils called Tom & Jerry

First Word: No idea. Turns out my parents kept a baby book for my older brother where they painstakingly recorded all of that stuff. I found mine a few years ago and it’s got a grand total of 3 entries, one of which is talking about how chubby I am, and how I am yet to find a food I’ll say no to, and let’s hope that’s not a sign of things to come… after which it was abandoned. Thanks mum.

First Celebrity Crush: Leonardo DiCaprio

First IRL Crush: Dominik. We hung out basically every day after school. I would go round to his house and he would play me the latest Michael Jackson tape and show me new dance steps that he’d taught himself. I thought he was so cool.

First Kiss: Age 14 with my first boyfriend. He was 20 years old. We were in a relationship for over a year. Shit was fucked up. At the risk of repeating myself… Thanks mum.

First Car: Bebop 🚙 He’s my baby and I bought him this year and I love him! He’s a turquoise 2013 Toyota Yaris Hybrid.

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents: Heh. I moved straight from my childhood bedroom to a different country. If you’re gonna do something, do it right! lol

First Time on a Plane: I was… 18 months old? Parents went on holidays to Florida. I have about 3 memories from that trip.

First Cellphone: Nokia 3210 😎

First Concert: David Hasselhoff. I was maybe… 6? And I got very tired and slept through the second half, but my parents woke me up for Looking for Freedom, which was my favourite song of his.

First Foreign country you visited? Italy or France most likely. Pure proximity, and most of our family vacations were done by car from Switzerland so…

First sport you ever played? Hmm. I did competitive swimming when I was very young. And then gymnastics. And after that… about five minutes of football (the only sport I to this day do not understand. How do I run AND kick a ball simultaneously?!?), then 3 years of tennis, 2 years of basketball, 8 years of roller hockey, and a whole smattering of other sports on and off.

First career aspiration? I mean… I basically wanted to be a Disney Princess, purely for the Animal Best Friend aspect! And then any form of Animal Whisperer would have done the trick. I watched all the TV shows and movies where characters had magical bonds with animals, and I wanted that. And then I realised that the characters in the shows and movies aren’t real, but the people training and handling those animals *are*. However that wasn’t something realistic to aspire to, being Swiss, so instead I became a bookseller (somehow that made sense at the time… 🤷🏽‍♂️). And then 15 years later, in a different country and a different life, I did end up training animals for TV and film. So that’s kinda nifty.

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think “wow”

Hmmm. I dunno. I thought I was really fucking talented when I was about 12. I wrote a novel and sent it to publishing houses and literary agencies. One of them invited me for an interview, because they thought my writing was great and they wanted to meet the kid that had sent them a manuscript aged 12/13. They ended up giving me a job, working as a admin/secretary/slush pile reader. They also gave me lots of feedback and constructive criticism on my writing. I scrapped the novel I had sent them in favour of writing a different, better novel. I still think that novel was pretty fucking good. I tried to get my mum to proof read it and give me feedback so I could do any necessary corrections before I spent my pocket money on photocopies, C4 envelopes, and a whole bunch of stamps so I could attempt to get it published again. She was dragging her feet and I tried to explain the urgency, because I was clear that it needed to happen before I turned 14. That was the goal in my head. I had huge ambitions and dreams. I was also convinced that if it happened after I turned 14 it wouldn’t be special anymore. Like anyone could do it after 14… 🙄 In response to this my mum told me that she’d had ambition and dreams, too, when she was my age. But not to worry, that’ll go away, and once you’ve put away the fanciful notions of being talented then you can just get on with your life…

Not sure if this actually answers the question, but that was kinda the first and last time I remember feeling uncomplicatedly good about and proud of something I created. After this anything creative I did was always immediately followed by the doubt of ‘is this actually good, or is this just a fanciful notion I have about being talented, when in actual fact it sucks?’ 🤷🏽‍♂️

Wow. Ended that on a downer, didn’t I?

…

Erm… I wrote Tell me we’ll never get used to it,

They’re the only two people left that know what it’s like to have loved and to have lost a Lightwood.

And it’s a good story.

There.

I said it…

Tagging @crossmydna @palepinkgoat @too-schoolforcool @vintagelacerosette @heymacy @loftec @mikhailoisbaby @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @ian-galagher @andthatisnotfake @francesrose3 @faejilly @jrooc @creepkinginc if you fancy playing? I’m just very exited I’m actually posting this on a Wednesday still! Whoop!!

[vibratingskull]

Long awaited reunion

Part1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Tags : fluff, domesticity, reader is disabled

Owning an appartment together and living together are two differents things. After months on the Relentless you still hope to catch Thrawn during one of your leaves

FemaleReader x Thrawn

Amusingly enough, this is not because you moved in with Thrawn that you see him more often. Your schedule doesn’t match most of the time and you work on a different ISD, only receiving his orders through the loudspeakers of your ship, most of the time you cross paths at a station or you catch the silhouette of his back when he goes and you arrive. So much time you rushed behind him to catch him and almost fell because of your mechanical legs but he’s always too far away and you never join him in time before the doors close. 

So you practically live alone, in this small apartment. Oh, you don’t complain, this apartment is great, practical, sunny with large bay windows, in a rather calm neighborhood and most of all: full of memories. It’s just that you moved in with the expectations of being two. So when you lay down, bathing in the sun in your living room/open kitchen looking at the white ceiling you feel… terribly alone. 

And as one day you were idling around the flat, something struck you : ceiling? White, walls? White, bedroom sheets? White, dishes? White, sofa and poufs? gray/beige, towels? White, ect… You live in a goddamn hotel room without any charm. The most personalized thing here is the pile of mail at the name of your great uncle from his army of mistresses… You check the wardrobe, Thrawn’s clothes are neatly folded taking just the space it needs, while you spread yours, taking all the spaces. You count three identical uniforms and as much civilian clothes, so basically nothing. You check the bathroom, here too it’s the desert, only the chemical shower gel and shampoo the navy distributes, no perfume, no flavored toothpaste, the most personal thing here is his toothbrush. You check the kitchen and all your napkins are neatly folded in their place, untouched, he uses paper ones. You roam around the apartment, no pictures, no canvas, no plants, no nothing. It’s like he never lived here, he barely colonized the place. You look up the living room, he didn’t buy any holos, any music despite the stereo, any gaming console… True you did not either, but you just arrived, he's been here for more or less 8 years! 

Is he afraid to take up too much space in a place that isn’t his? Does he feel at home here? You’re technically the proprietor but it is his home as much as yours. 

Or so you thought…

He never let any traces of his passage, the bedsheets are always fresh when he leaves, his clothes smell of detergent and you can’t compensate his absence by inhaling his scent on the pillows, he never left any leftovers in the fridge so you have no idea of his diet, and even less in his tastes in entertainment. 

In some way it pierces your heart to live with a ghost conscious to erase any clues of his existence.

You sigh deeply, bathing in the sun.

But maybe his absence is more prominent at night.

When the nightmares seize you, and you wake up in tears, screaming. 

When you relive those fateful days in this cavern, you would give everything to have Thrawn here, to embrace him, for him to cradle you and shush you to sleep, embraced by his warmth. 

Maybe facing the angered neighbors that you woke up would be easier with his presence behind your back. Or if you could feel only his presence through his arrangement in the apartment.

For now your apartment is terribly… empty.

So one day, when you can’t take it anymore, you send him a text through his comlink.

“I’m fed up with those bedsheets, they all look the same and mine are getting old. But I can’t decide which one to buy in this catalog, could you make a first selection?”

You didn’t hope for much, you didn’t even hope for a response at all. He’s busy and this message isn’t about work or the safety of you both.

But…

The evening of that same day you receive a ping on your comlink.

He chose several bed sheets!

You review his selection with a fluttering heart, finally a window on his personal tastes!

At first you’re disappointed: he chose several plain white sheets without much personality and you’re afraid you did this in vain. But towards the end of the selection, several motifs started to appear, with touches of colors. A thin smile appears on your lips and you take command.

Once your new colorful bed sheets are in place you pass to the next step: the cookery. You resume the same steps and send him a catalog of plates, he selects a few and you have the last word. You end up with a complete new service of ceramic mint and tangerine plates. As you put them in the cupboards you observe the white walls of the apartment. This is an old, old building and the apartments are still made of cement and not fancy metals. You could do something with that…

So one day, in the course of a conversation you asked, messaging him:

“How was your home back there?” 

“A building in red tones, carved into stone.” 

And he closed the matter.

But you got what you wanted.

You pass the next three days searching the decoration shops for a nice shade of wallpaper.

You settle with a burgundy paint and subsequently cover your whole apartment in sheets and start painting. It takes you your whole leave of two weeks to do it, all alone while he's away in campaign.You broke your back and arms to have them always extended to paint the ceiling, you almost fell from the stepladder several times and spilled a whole bucket of 10L of paint once. But it was worth it, because when you came back the next leave you found a flimsi card with “Thank you.” written on it.

You kiss it, leaving a smudge of lipstick on it and let him here for him to find next time.

He picked up on what you were trying to do because he proposed to change the color of the bedroom to a castleton green, and when you got back you found out he painted it himself. 

Now the whole apartment smells like paint.

You changed the sofa, the poufs, the chairs, the tables… Slowly it became more and more like a nest for both of you. At least to you. He remained really set back in his propositions, not implicating himself too much, but a bit.

It’s a start, you think. 

It is way more colorful now, much more to your liking. You could add some tiles to the kitchen and change to wood cupboards and surfaces… You should do a list.

 You realize the most decoration he used to have must have been the holos of pieces of art that he tidies when he’s not here. Something pocket sized that didn’t leave any trace…

With all that you did not finish to move on, you still had some boxes unopened laying around in the flat. 

You’re opening one when you hear your door shuffles.

‘It’s him!’ flashes in your mind.

You run up to the entrance and see him with his luggage, taking off his trench coat.

“Thrawn!” you exclaim, delighted.

“(Y/n).” He salutes back with a thin smile. 

You walk slowly to him, fidgeting your fingers, feeling suddenly gauche and shy. How much time has passed since you talked face to face? 

At least 10 whole months since the trial.

You just look back at him with a stupid smile on your face, and he observes you with a gentle gaze awaiting your reaction. As you remain immobile he extends his hand to you and you gladly take it, squeezing it.

“Welcome home.” You greet.

“Welcome home.” He murmurs, pulling you into an embrace. 

You bury your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent.

“I missed you.” You say almost to yourself.

“I missed you too.” He squeezes you and releases you without letting go of your hand.

You guide him into your freshly decorated flat.

“What do you think?” You ask.

“It is way more colorful than in my memories.” He chuckles, “But it is comforting and…Vuckust… Cozy, I think you would say?”

“Yes, that was the goal.” You nod 

“You like what I have done to the bedroom?” He takes off his white jacket, remaining in his black tank top. You admire his arms from the corner of your eyes, heading towards the kitchen to prepare some caff.

“Yes. A really nice color.” You hand him a cup, “You’re here for how much time?”

“I have three weeks. I managed to match it with your last one. I wanted to see you.”Instead of taking the cup, he caresses your cheek with his thumb. “Seeing you eases my mind. 10 months apart has proved more difficult than first anticipated.” 

Your heart flutters at those words. You’re not the only one thinking this has been too long. You press your cheek in his palm with a sigh. A whole week together? It must be a present from the Maker. He takes his cup and you clink them, you speak about everything and nothing, eye in eye, slouching on the couch. He speaks lengthy about the different art form of the cultures he met during his campaign, about the last political mess he ended up in without understanding a thing and you speak about the new recruits you took under your wing, how Konstantine is driving you bananas some days when the Relentless isn’t with the Chimaera how happy you were to met Sealan and Norcaus under your commandment again. 

You pout.

“So that means Karyn is leading the Chimaera for now?”

“Indeed.”

“How far away?”

He grins lightly.

“She too will have a leave soon, I promise.”

“Yeah… When I get back to work.” You do your caprice, much to his amusement.

“By the way, I checked your closet. It is not good.”

He looks at you puzzled.

“I am having a hard time determining what the problem might be?”

“Only three civilian outfits? You never go out?”

“I principally remain in the office to work when I am here.” 

You sigh.

Of course he would be working, even when on leave.

“You should go out and meet people. We could visit Eli’s parents someday? We should give them some news about their son… They must be terribly worried." Your enthusiasm fades spectacularly, remembering the disparition of Eli. You don't know if Thrawn warned them that he sent their pride and joy away. Maybe they think he's a traitor to the Empire, maybe they think he's dead… You didn't have the chance to meet them, and even less to go see them to ease their pain. He nods slowly. 

"You are right, we should visit them." He looks around "You did not finish opening your boxes ?" 

"I'm almost done" You defend. "You interrupted me."

"I will help you finish." He informs you.

It makes you giggle: he's gonna help you move in like a cute little couple! You grin like a child who got candies.

“Speaking about Eli, we have to empty his apartment while he’s away.” he finishes his caff in one gulp.

“Alright.”

__________________________________________________________________

You only finished opening your boxes and you had to close them with Eli’s stuff inside.

“Pfffff… He got more things than it looks like.” You realize, closing the lid of a box.

“Indeed, you can surround and drown yourself in materiality if you are not careful” Thrawn throws from the kitchen.

‘It’s sure not to you it would happen’ you think. You look around your vicinity and notice the pictures on the wall. Some disappeared but a few remained. You approach the wall, crossing your arms. The one you took at the ball disappeared. Only the rectangular shapes of the frame where the sun didn’t shine remains. You smile as you take down the one you took in class with Eli sleeping and Thrawn absorbed by his datapad.

“You like this picture.” Thrawn says right behind you.

You jump, you didn’t hear him approach.

“Yeah…” you put one strand of hair behind your ear. “I like it very much, I don’t have many pictures of Eli.” you sigh.

“Really? You do have a series of portraits of him in your imager.” He recalls.

“Yes but they’re… Wait, how did you know that?” You turn fully towards him suspicious.

“You let your imager on, on the table.” He explains.

“And you took it as a permission to go through it?” you nudge him “There is some private stuff in there!”

“I saw none of that, I promise.” He calmly defends himself.

You pout.

“That is not the problem presently, you got through my stuff without my permission.”

He seems to realize his error as he takes a step back.

“I got curious.” He confesses “I shouldn’t have done that. I present my sincere apologies.” He lowers his head “I tend to get carried away when presented with a new artist.”

“Well I got an account on the holonet if you want to see my pictures. Do not just take my imager like that.” You turn your back to him. You’re not fully angry, just a bit annoyed. Those pictures are your hobby, your little personal pleasure, if he asked you would have let him go through your whole imager no problem, but he didn’t.

He circles your body with his arms, tilts your head and kisses your cheek.

“I am truly sorry,” he whispers in your ear “It will not happen again.”

You grin snarky.

“Is that a new tactic to sway me?”

“Does it work?”

You press your lips, thinking.

“I don’t know. Do it again?”

He kisses your cheek again, tenderly. You smile, the last remnant of annoyance disappearing like snow under the sun.

“Yeah, it works.” You giggle.

He pecks your cheek again, slowly heading towards your lips. He makes you turn your head towards him with the tip of his fingers, your eyes meet but you're inextricably called by his lips. You moisten yours hungrily, which makes him grin slightly in return. He slowly leans over you, closing the gap. Your heart beats at 100 miles per hour, threatening to burst through your ribcage.

Your first proper kiss…

You take a grip on his arms and dig your nails in his flesh in anticipation.

He stops a mere inches away from you, waiting for your consent.

You close your eyes and hold your breath, feeling his on your lips. You part your lips slightly, invitingly.

His comlink rings, completely destroying the vibe.

You reopen your eyes with a sorry smile.

“Another time, your duty calls.” You pat his arm and caress his cheek.

He kisses the tip of your nose and parts from you to take the call.

You finish taking down the pictures, you’ll take one to brighten the apartment, you decide. The portraits you’ve done of Eli are more like a fashion magazine, with a stern expression, you don’t find his gentleness in those. The one where you are sleeping on the table like a cat is perfect for you.

You finish taping the box when you turn towards the counter where his plants sit. Or rather the cadavers of his plants. They’re all dead. 

Except one.

You throw all the dead plants in the bins and turn towards the survivor. It’s a reddish, purplish plant that looks like a bay tree. It holds on surprisingly well.

“Thrawn? What do we do with this plant?” you ask.

“We could dispose of it?” He said, coming back to the living room.

“You sure?” You notice all the gardening tools behind the counters and all the compost in a bag “It would be a waste. Eli gave himself so much trouble to make them grow…”

He eyesides you.

“You want to keep it?”

“We could at least try.” you propose “It would be a memory of Eli.”

“We got plenty of memories tidied up in boxes right now.”

You wince.

“It would be a living memory of Eli.” You correct. “I know plant peoples, they are like their babies to them. I’m sure he would like us to take care of it.” You explain.

He tilts his head.

“I have never really tried to keep a plant alive in my life.” He confesses.

“Well… I got some basics with my parents.” You take the pot to observe it better. “I’ll call her Benedict!”

You hear an amused scoff.

“You want to name the plant?”

“Yes! If you humanize it you’ll take more care of it. Say hi to Benedict!” You press the pot in his face.

“I am not saying hi to Benedict.”

You pout, lowering the pot.

“You heartless man… Don’t worry Benedict, I’ll take care of you.” You whisper.

“Do we have the necessary place at the apartment?” he asks.

“Of course, if we push some stuff. It will be our first baby!”

He seems to twitch at that mention, crossing his arms and laying against the wall.

“No? You don’t want babies? I want several.” you continue “It would brighten our life.”

His gaze goes from the plant to you

“Are we still talking about a plant?” he investigates.

“Of course I’m talking about the plant, what do you… Oh!” You suddenly realize and flush “No I am talking about plants.”

He tilts his head, dubious.

“I swear!”

“Alright.” he nods with a grin “Keep it if you want. We will find Benedict a place somewhere.” He kisses your forehead.

“Unless you wanted to talk about… well, you know…” You can’t even bring yourself to formulate it. Isn't it a bit soon for that? Do you even want one? Is it compatible with your career? What the accommodations would…

“Do not stress yourself, Chacah. I play with you.” He grins satisfied.

“Oh… okay.” You feel a bit stupid now.

“But I take good note that you are open to the subject.” He says softly, leaving the living room.

You remain alone with the cheeks heating up like a fire started under your skin.

“Well Benedict… He played me well on this one.”

_____________________________________________________

You can’t sleep.

You’re too excited to sleep with Thrawn again, your body is full of energy, straight like a bowstring, ready to jump up and down at anything. You feel shivers through your whole body.

You sigh.

Are you a child to get excited like that over anything?

You breathe deeply, trying to calm down. You turn your head to Thrawn, sleeping peacefully. At least one of you doesn’t have trouble falling asleep. You turn fully towards him, observing his relaxed face, his deep and regular breath.

Could you start a family with this man? You’re still young, is it what you want yet? And him? He’s older than you by 20 years at least, your life goals must be quite different. He seemed pleased with your reaction earlier, but he could be joking. You bite your lips. That’s a lot of uncertainty for one relationship. Maybe you…

“You are not sleeping.” he says in the dead of night, breaking the silence.

“Indeed.” You admit. Nothing escape him

“What is it, cha’cah?” He opens his flaming eyes and dive in yours.

Again with ‘cha’cah’, what does that mean?

“I’m thinking about the future… Our future.” you whisper

“I told you not to stress yourself over that.” he gently chides you.

“But don’t you think about it even a little? Doesn’t it worry you a bit? Don’t you have projects? Life goals?”

He sighs. Great, you managed to annoy him. But instead he gently takes your hand and squeezes it gently.

“I think about our future everyday. I planned a lot of things in my head, but I did not want to scare you off with it.”

You crawl closer, completely focused.

“You planned things? Like what?” you murmur in the dark, the only source of light being his eyes.

“We could start by finding a larger apartment. With more rooms.”

“Why?” You ask fully knowing where that conversation is heading, but you can’t help but play coy.

“For a second bedroom.” He murmurs.

“For a baby?”

“For a baby, yes. And their brothers and sisters, if you want it.” He says so low you barely hear him, grazing your palm with the tip of his fingers.

“You want several babies?” You ask incredulously, but you feel a warm sensation spreading in your stomach, something soft and comforting.

He shruggs.

“Why not? I am used to large families, even though our notion of families differs from human’s.”

“Would you teach it to me one day?”

“Of course, cha’cah. Anything you want.”

“Wait hold on…” you say with a flash of lucidity “We are talking babies, and we haven't even kissed yet.”

He stares at you like it dawned on him.

“You are quite right.” he admits, passing his hand in his hair. “We are burning bridges here.I may have planned too far too quickly.” You can’t help but giggle, that is so fitting of him. “Are you mocking me?”

“No, no I don’t think so at least.” you laugh “I just find it adorable of you.” you squeeze his hand lovingly “It is flattering that you already thought so much ahead for us.”

He planned this far with you, envisioning such important matter with you in it. He is serious with your relationship and that flutters your heart.

His nostril flares.

“Yes, but I planned all that without knowing your opinion on it. I may have just built up a fantasy of mine.”

“Well…” you temper “It is a bit soon for me to speak about babies. But with you… I think I can see that future for us.”

He looks back at you with what you think is hope in his eyes.

“Really?”

God you love this man you realize. You take a minute, weighting your words and thinking about it. You nod and kiss his cheek.

“Yes, Thrawn.” You snuggle against his really warm body “I don’t know when, but I will try. For you… For us.”

He circles you with his arms, squeezing you tightly and kisses your forehead, diving his nose in your hair.

“Thank you.” He whispers. “It makes me happy.”

“But we have a lot of things to try first, mister. A family and a relationship doesn’t build themself like that!” You remember him, bursting with laughter.

“I know.” He softly says “I can wait for you. Until you are ready, I will be patient.”

Your cheeks heat up and you hug him back, burying your own nose in his pectoral muscles. You feel so at peace and safe in his arms.

You drift off to sleep without a worry.

@bluechiss @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar @thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay @obbicrystaleo, @germie2037

[interstellarspacecadett]

DINNER DATE

WARNING!

Do not read if you're not 18+ years old.

Contains strong language

Allusion to sex and bdsm

Control

Alcohol consumption

That day has come. I'm going to eat at the most exclusive restaurant in Gotham city. What an experience! Everyone is talking about this. At the moment, there's nothing more important than "The Experience." Harvey, my colleague and guy I'm seeing, has invited me to have dinner with him, I think this is the perfect time for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. We have known each other for quite a while now, and he likes me. He doesn't even hide his feelings. As for me, this can be a good way to go on with my life after what happened with Bruce. Still, it feels strange to have a partner who is not the one and only Prince of Gotham. He made his choice, we parted our ways, and I don't think there will ever be another story like the one Bruce and I share. As I get ready, I receive a message from Harvey

>> Looking forward to our date tonight :)

I smile, reading the message out loud.

He called our hanging out "date", this is definitely a step forward. I text him

>> don't be late ;)

He's always late, and has always a good excuse. To be fair, he is the most important figure in all Gotham that frightens criminals without wearing a mask. I admire him so much.

At 8 o'clock, I arrive at the restaurant, and to my surprise Harvey is already there, looking handsome and really elegant.

He greets me, kissing the back of my hand. I smiled shyly.

"Ready for the most exclusive experience of out lives?"

"Ready." I answer holding his arm.

We enter, and one waitress guides us to our table. The place is as magnificent as the tabloids describe it. It's luxurious, combining new and old styles. The music is great and the people there are all from the elite of Gotham. What a breathtaking atmosphere.

We sit and admire the interior, and Harvey still looks at me. I smile with wonder, and my eyes brighten up.

As I was admiring the place, my eyes lock with Bruce's.

God, what is he doing here? I ask myself trying to look away. Jesus Christ! His eyes are like magnets pulling mines towards his. My heart starts beating fast, and the palms of my hands start ge sweaty.

I feel agitated, a fish out of the tank. He's not alone. There's a tall blonde girl by his side, another one of his conquests.

He finally calls for me. I immediately paralyse as my temperature is rising.

"Bruce." I mumble, trying to look indifferent, but my voice sounds weak and frightened.

"How have you been?" He asks me.

"G-good." I say forcing a smile.

"T-this is-" He stops me and puts his hand forward to shake Harvey's.

"Harvey Dent. What an onor." They shake hand vigorously.

"I should be the one honoured. Wow, Bruce Wayne, Prince of Gotham, here." Harvey smiles sincerely. I didn't know he was a fan of Bruce.

"We should talk. We can try to put these two tables together." He says, looking at me.

"I don't think we can. This place is really strict with rules. I don't want to be kicked out." I say, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"You shouldn't worry about that. I own this place." Bruce says this with such a simplicity, like it is common for a man to own the most exclusive place in Gotham.

Bruce, with a gesture of a hand, calls for a waiter.

We soon are all together. Bruce is infront of me, next to his his blond bombshell. Harvey is next to me still processing the fact that he met Bruce.

"See, Mr Dent, I'm a fan of yours. Your work means a lot to Gotham. We need more unmasked people bringing justice to light and not a caped thug roaming the streets at night." He says, sipping his water. He looks at Harvey, studying his face, looking for microexpressions, to see if he's as honest as he wants to appear. I know that look very well.

"Well, Mr Wayne, if I should name someone that inspires me, I would lie if I didn'tsay Batman. He made me think that I could do it. He's a silent presence hidden in the shadows to make sure that Gotham is safe. I would give a million dollars to meet him and congratulate him." Says Harvey smiling.

"I mean, a masked man fighting in tights... that doesn't seem like the type of hero this city needs. This batman dude is not the type of justice we need."

I starte to come back to my senses. Not frightens anymore, not liking the scene Bruce is fabricating.

"Maybe you're scared of batman because you're hiding something." I remark, pouring champagne in my glass.

"Quite the contrary. I'm a public figure. Nothing about me for the public is private anymore.."

He says, sipping more water. He looks through me.

"Batman is doing much more than buying hotels and hanging out with prima ballerinas. You should learn from him and admit that without Batman, this city would have imploded a long time ago." I say irritated. I then proceed to drink all the champagne in my glass.

He seems amused knowing how his presence is driving me crazy.

Harvey and Bruce start talking again, while to hide my real emotions I keep on drinking.

How can he look so handsome?! If only he didn't have that cold manipulative attitude, maybe we would still be together.

The dinner goes on with Harvey and Bruce talking about politics and new laws, while the blonde girl and I look so miserable. Suddenly, Harvey's phone starts ringing. It's one of those calls he can't ignore. He excuses himself and goes talking at the balcony.

All the alcohol I drank makes me tipsy, and little by little, I start to feel very hot.

Bruce keeps looking at me, burning me with his blue eyes.

"You look so beautiful tonight." He says in a low dark tone.

"Not as beautiful as your friend." I say pouring water in my water glass, hoping to sober up.

"You beat her in every category. You're beyond your own understanding, or you wouldn't be saying stupid things like this." He says. I don't look at him. Not anymore. I'm afraid to fall back into one of his traps. It's always like this with Bruce.

Under the table, I feel one of his feet caressing my calve. I try to hide my feet under my chair, but he finds me there with no hesitation.

I smile, finding it cute and nostalgic.

But I'm on a date with Harvey, Bruce has nothing to do with it.

"Bruce, stop." I whisper.

"Is this a date? You and Dent?" He asks me concerned.

"Yes. Why do you care?"

"You're still wearing my ring. That's not a simple ring and you know it."

"What does this have to do with it?." I ask, irritated.

"It does. Since you belong to me and that ring is the undeniable proof that you know that what I'm saying is true." He explains calmly.

Maybe it the alcohol, maybe it's my anger, but I pull off my finger the ring and I give it back to him.

"Here, it's your ring, after all. Keep it. Give it to another girl." I say.

Bruce doesn't seem amused at all. He's frowning, and his fist is firmly closed, turning his hand red.

"We're done." I say grinning, winning once.

He smiles. It confuses me, what the fuck is he smiling for?.

He leans over, and he gestures to me to do the same. I do it, hoping he admits his defeat once for all.

"Baby, come back to me." He says with a sensual tone. I have goosebumps everywhere and I bite my lower lip.

"I miss you, baby. I miss fucking you, raw, on every surface, balls deep inside that tight pussy of yours for hours and hours." Oh, God what a sweet torture! He looks at me straight in the eyes and I can see his eyes burning with desire.

He doesn't touch me, if he would he'd probably burn himself because I'm getting hotter and hotter.

"Tonight, be mine. I wanna give it to you just one more time, baby." I crush my legs. He's so domeering and has this power on me that I can't explain. He's got me on the palm of his hand, and he can do whatever he wants with me.

"Sorry for taking a while. I'm really sorry, but there's a matter I have to deal with." Harvey starts go get ready to leave.

Bruce gets up and he's ready to get rid of him. Maybe he's the mastermind behind all of this.

I hug Harvey, then he shakes Bruce's hand, and leaves. He's gone, disappeared.

The blond girl says something in Russian, and in no time, she's gone as well.

They left me alone with Bruce, and not just any Bruce, but a horny Bruce who wants to devour me.

His eyes are back on me. He's more than amused.

"Where were we?" He asks.

"Would you like something sweet to eat?" Asks the waitress. I get thrown back to reality.

"I'll take this soufflé au chocolat." Says Bruce keeping his eyes on me.

"Honey, is there something appetising that you'd like to eat?" He asks. He's such a pervert. He doesn't refer to any dessert but him.

"N-no, I'm fine." The waitress goes away taking all the plates with her.

"Harvey is not the man for you. You deserve me, a man who can take care of you, who can put the world under your feet. Someone who can make you cum every time you need it."

"I don't deserve you, Bruce. You're not the man for me. You only think about power and dominance, but never about love. Love is all I need. You can't give me that. Not a genuine one, at least." I say, playing with my glass.

"We can try, again. To see how it goes." He look hopeful.

"I don't wanna try. Not with you anymore." I say, feeling all the sadness of my words.

"You sound scared." He affirms putting one finger on his lower lip to caress it.

"I am. I don't want you here. Tonight was just for me and Harvey. He wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend, and you just slided in like a snake to kill a romantic night."

"The night is not over. We can have a romantic date, you and I, here."

"I don't think that's a good idea. We didn't talk for months, you didn't even try to reach me. You closed all your doors, and soon, there wasn't enough space, even for a friendship. There was nothing. And whatever this is, quit it. Stop it." I say, looking at him with begging eyes.

"There wasn't a minute where you weren't in my thoughts. You were the only one in my head. I dream of you almost every night."

"What do I do in your dreams?"

"You tell me you love me, then we have sex, and you end up pregnant with my baby. We're happy, the three of us."

"You always say have sex and never make love. This speaks volumes about how you see me as a person, Bruce. You have sex with someone you hook up with, not someone you love and care for."

"It's a rough session. In bdsm there's no space for lovemaking. And as far as I remember, you like being tight up and spanked. Fucked right until you're a fountain cumming all over my expensive bed sheets."

"Okay, I got it. There's no need to be THIS specific." I say, rolling my eyes.

He laughs. God, I missed his laugh. It's so contagious that I end up smiling.

"I'll make love to you tonight if you let me."

"Bruce, it's better if we don't. We should move on. And I've found the right person to be happy with."

"We can talk about this tomorrow morning over breakfast. I'm sure it'll be a nice conversation I'd love to engage myself in."

The waitress interrupts us, bringing Bruce's order to the table.

"You won't give up, uh?" I ask, taking his plate with the soufflé.

I take a bite of it. It's delicate and delicious.

He passes his tongue on lis lower lip, looking at me eating the dessert.

"No, never. Can I have my soufflé back. I can order a new one for you."

"Order it for yourself. Yours is sooo good."I say, provoking him. I eat sensually moaning at every bite.

"Don't torture me." He says, leaning back on his chair.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just enjoying this delicious soufflé. Do you want a bite?" I say as innocent as possible.

He says yes with his head. We both lean closer to each other, like to magnets. I bring my spoon with on the dessert, and as he was to bite it, I pull my spoon back, eating the soufflé au chocolat.

He smiles.

"Sweetie, you gotta be faster than that. Let's try again." He tries to move fast to eat it, but I'm faster, and soon enough, I'm enjoying another bite.

"One last time." He says. His eyes were shining.

I do the same movement, and he plays his part perfectly, but instead of eating the dessert, he kisses me. Just one small peck to leave me breathless.

God his lips are so good. I missed them.

"This is better." He says pleased.

I smile.

"I want more. All of you."

He's going to be the death of me.

"I have a room. The view from up there is breathtaking. Stay with me tonight."

"I'll give you an answer after finishing MY soufflé." I say, starting to provoke him again by moaning and exaggerating my eating process. He enjoys himself, he's amused, and keeps his blue eyes on me. I put my front zip down to reveal a little bit of skin, well actually a good part of my breast.He moves his eyes, following my hand as I do so. He bites his lower lip, and then he licks it.

"Bruce, what do you think of my dress. Do you like it?" I ask, passing my hands through my hair.

"I adore it." He says, keeping his eyes on my breast.

"Do you like my new haircut?" I ask while bouncing a little bit on the chair.

"I love it." As he was saying so I started to put my slip down

"And what about my perfume?" I extend my folded hand. waiting for him to take my panties and sniff them.

"It's divine." He says after sniffing his fist.

"Do you want a taste?"

"Yes, baby."

I slide my index inside my wet cave, moaning to the pleasure.

I bring it to his mouth and he licks it.

"Fucking good." He says passing his tongue on it once more.

"I just hope your bed is comfortable."

"The best in the world."

"Glad to hear that. You're gonna sleep tight in it, all alone." I say getting up.

Bruce tilts his head, not understanding what I'm doing, but I'm ready to leave.

He gets up, trying to convince me to stay.

"I thought we were playing. We were having fun, why are you leaving?"

"You don't play with people's feelings, Bruce. You did me wrong, and I can't forget that. Harvey will call me sooner or later."

"Can I at least take you home?" He asks. It's a wrong idea. We can not be left alone together, I could give in and lose the power that I have on him.

"I can help you put your panties back on." He proposes smirking with his playboy attitude.

"You can keep them, I have plenty at home, place where I'll drive myself to. Goodbye, Bruce." I say before walking fast to the exit.

These games between us need to stop, I can't keep going on like this. We can't be together, I have Harvey who will take care of me.

As soon as I get in my car, I start to cry. Too many emotions I can't comprehend and accept. Bruce and I share a lot of history. My heart and body hurt, all of me. I start to tremble, feeling trapped between what's right ( moving on with Harvey) and what's wrong (go back to Bruce and try again to work things out).

I clean my face with a tissue, and I drive back home, hoping just to sleep and find peace.