#mind you sex is not a bad thing but neither is being asexual

[mwolf0epsilon]

The fact a lot of people equate being asexual as a negative attribute and inherent infantilization, really goes to show how much y'all really think romantic relationships are all about sex...

[spotlightlowlife]

Leave aces the hell alone

if you haven't realised, the title's a pun, there's a little jest but just a little

If this show wants to sex, ships and 'it's complicated' to be it's main focus to the point of drowning out the plot and stripping away the tiny nuisance it once had, OK, can't speak for myself but enough people seem to be enjoying things this way.

But leave the aces out of it.

Let's not pretend they're not vilified for existing, having a life and interests.

The "cockblocking" child whose rare screentime takes away from her daddies mlm proship, simply for daring to want her dad to follow through on their plans

and the 'ugly who nobody wants to fuck' (particularly trashy statement since he's ace and doesn't want to fuck neither) fat guy who runs a business but working for him (or just working) takes away from the other leading mlm ship. He's pretty much a banker too, we all hate them don't we?

Factor in that Stella and Striker 'wouldn't attend' pride parade so were excluded, dispite being highly relevant characters who we have seen a number of times (unlike Stella's bro and the red birdman yet to be introduced).

One comically called out all the sex a few times and the other is a victim of child marriage made to become a teenage mother yet managed a totally unheard of, social life.

Like Octavia and Mammon, both seem to have interests and some major purpose in the plot, dispite being side characters.

Like Mammon and Octavia, both get in the way of a leading mlm ship, dispite being side characters.

Like Octavia and Mammon, they have good reasons fo their interactions.

Yet alas, homophobia is implied for Stella and Striker, then ace is branded on Mammon and Octavia, the 'perfect explanation' for them to be a problem., only aces generally be minding their own business yet catch strays from those who feel judged by that one lack of common interest. Sex is used as a solution, a power and a major part of the personality within the helluverse so yes, it matters that these characters who have other things going on and get in the way of 'romance' have their own orientation, lack of or apparent dislike of put on blast.

I personally find the shipping very shallow and don't believe the LGBTQ rep is any good in this show, the best rep easily being Moxxie who was an ordinary someone dating another ordinary someone who hurt him, who happened to be another guy, no somehow rubbing shoulders with powerful but neutered or retconned immortal royalty and then becoming 'the one', just an ordinary shitty relationship between a well meaning person and a user that was a mistake in hindsight, now this latest relationship is (Millie's character is Moxxie's fangirl) just fine.

Aces should be easy to represent simply by letting them exist! Be their own personality without the need for someone else to fill in the other half slot, but no, bad representation from those who can't fathom the not caring for sex or sexual relationships has to worm it's way into something that should literally be nothing.

Dare a child whose orientation or lack of we don't even need to know, who seems reasonable want to see the stars with her dad, an interest he clearly instilled in her. The greedy entrepreneur acts a greedy entrepreneur, in other news bears shit in the woods. Both these pest third wheels share something in common? Not gonna to get it?

If only these picked on characters hadn't been used to represent already picked on asexuals, there would pretty much just be the bland female sexual representation to critique.

[sludgekludge]

What are your thoughts on the sins individually, if you don't mind me asking?

i think viv is really really scared to have her blorbos embody really negative traits so i think half of the sins we've been properly introduced to do a dogshit job at actually embodying the sin they represent because of this lol. why do half of them not suck more as people. why don't they embody their sins, viv.

this ended up being kinda longer than i meant so im dumping it under a read more vv

bephelgor's only my icon because i'm also sleepytired and want to go to bed. her design is endearing to me, but still a mess, and if she's meant to be inspired by baphomet, it kinda sucks she's not more androgynous, imo, at least give her a little goat beard. not much to say because she was more of a decorative vase than a character. fascinating how we see the remaining women sins and neither of them speak!

leviathan. sorry this is a bit meaner than i usually try to be. i hate her design so bad. i don't know what people like about it. you can like it obviously. but god. i could go on a tangent here about it but i won't. her design makes me chew foil. super cool that they gave her more screentime though and instead of talking, she gets to sit there silently while being hit on by a man instead. fascinating how-

asmodeus bores me, all of the haha sex jokes in this show are so obnoxious so whenever they bring up that he's the Sex One my eyes roll outta my head. his design is…not at all my cup of tea but i won't say it's atrocious. the palette is unique, at least, by hellaverse standards. i liked him in his first appearance but he's since been declawed and now he's a weally nice guy actually who's all about consent and his wholesome chungus monogomous relationship, which is so fucking lame. could make a bigger post about him honestly. him and fizz are a couple of the saddest victims to 'super scared to write her blorbos being genuinely nasty' thing imo

mammon endeared me initially, but his mastermind appearance sucks. i like his design for the most part (centipede. why centipede. make him a funnelweb) and the fact he's clearly a silly guy on purpose. dresses like a jester by choice. he's evil, AND silly, that's fun. while he's a bit dense in his initial appearance, he's clever enough to know exactly how to manipulate fizz emotionally, and then in mastermind he's this big lumbering dumbass fat fuck who eats sloppily and he's gross and yucky and stupid ewww!! what a cool way to write your like, 1 recurring fat character vivzienne popsicle. lets make a joke specifically about how he has a big stomach. very cool his asexuality was clearly tacked on last-minute and he's clearly not written with that in mind, also kind of weird to canonise him as such when you're writing him to be this undesirable gross slob. i like him in theory, but he also says a lot about how viv views fat/asexual people and it's kind of soured me to him a little. shame. could go more into him, but i'll stop here.

we can't make beezlebub fat though, that's fatphobic! that's why she's thin! ik her design was a whole debacle and i don't care for it but i think it's blown a bit out of proportion. she's just another vivziepop design, i dont think she's uniquely terrible, maybe aside from being a bad rep of gluttony, but i saw more people talking about the bee thing than that. i do think it was kind of a huge mistake to make her so indistinguishable from hellhounds, biggest problem with her design imo. it's clear they wrote her to be deliberately really cool and likeable because she's Kesha, though. she's a typical nice popular party girl. i watched lps series with characters exactly like her when i was 12. sin of gluttony, don't overindulge though bro look after yourself :(

satan is inoffensive. i find him/his design to be kind of generic? but not overtly terrible. big dragon just feels a bit boring to me to who is apparently the penultimate sin, bar lucifer. admittedly, i kind of like the bit that he's got this little guy he listens too. big sucker for silly dynamics like that when they're played straight. wish i knew why the lil guy's robe kept changing colours, though. he's kinda wishy-washy and generic. don't get why any of the sins are intimidated by him when he gives stolas a slap on the wrist that stolas doesn't even have to grovel for, purely for being royalty lol. what's he gonna do to the sins if they step out of line? wag a finger at them? the whole 'he's lying about ruling before lucifer' thing was dumb and should've been caught before the episode went out.

lucifer i have enough to say about that it could probably also be its own post but to keep it short...ish, i think he's kind of inconsistent and weirdly written. they're really scared to write him as genuinely morally dubious and that's lame. they blended like 4 sexyman archetypes into 1 for him. he's so clearly y/n bait that it makes my eyes roll into the back of my skull…characters should get their y/n fiction naturally god dammit stop manufacturing sexymen in the lab!!! his design annoys me but i guess the whole 'pretty porcelain doll' thing makes sense and since he's a fallen angel, corrupted purity or something, wears symbols of himself (apples/snake) all over so Pride, like FINE, i get it, i still flick peanut shells at him though. thin ice. bitch

basically my favourite is like almost mammon i think but he's got weird uncomfortable connotations so i guess it's bephelgor because she doesn't exist enough to do anything to annoy me yet

[pawsometoons]

Edit: PLEASE LOOK AT, READ, AND REBLOG THE LINKED POST FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

I know I usually don't post about stuff like this. But I'm spreading this over to Tumblr to make absolutely sure that everyone in the NiGHTS and Balan fandoms here know this information

I was a victim of Elfie's a while back last year. Both me and a close friend were victims.

At the time, neither of us knew things were this bad. But now I'm releived to know this information is out there and that server is gone for good. And hopefully, nobody will fall for her manipulation again.

CaptainElfie is also on tumblr. Make sure your steer clear of her and block her if you can.

I feel like, since I'm sharing this, I should also share me and my friend's part of the story

My friend doesnt have tumblr, but she is on Twitter (vibripple)

This was an incident from last year, but it's affected both of us pretty harshly. Especially Vib. Not to say we hadnt had a few questionable ordeals in the past. But I'm just going to explain what I can remember, since some of the information I've repressed for the sake of my mental stability.

For the small things, there were plenty of times where me and Vib didnt feel comfortable or safe in the server. Especially with us both being sex repulsed asexuals. Some of this behavior would be from other members of the server, which would never be pointed out or taken care of. And some of this behavior, Elfie had shown herself. Of course, she attempted to show that she cared about mine and Vib's boundaries. But she simply wasnt trying hard enough, since some other members still were pretty icky. Even in VRChat meetings too. Another thing being, both me and Vib had noticed, Elfie never acted very mature at all. She rarely ever took responsibility or tried to act civil in problematic situations.

And then theres the incident that was in the nail in the coffin for us both. It was just after the Monay vs. Fame vs. Love SPLATFEST in Splatoon 3. Both me and Vib were present in it, confident that we would win. Up until the end where Team Money won. Both me and Vib were devastated. Especially since we both associated the splatfest with a comfort character. And seeing we lost, it felt like we let said character down. Especially me. And though, of course, we were aware that yes it's a fictional character, but that didn't stop us from being upset. But elfie took things too far when she took an already bad day and made it absolutely worse. Elfie saw our behavior that day and our massive disappointment in the splatfest results and had the audacity to pull us both into a group chat with another member and act "worried" about our behavior. Again, we were just very upset at the loss of a splatfest that we were positive we were gonna win in, and again, associated with a comfort character. End of story. Or at least we wished it was. Then Elfie went even further to accuse both me AND Vib of being parasocial because of our behavior towards not only the splatfest, but our comfort characters too. Now, Vib has this thing, where she really likes Reala. I have this thing where I really like Judgement Boy. I call Judgement Boy my son, she calls Reala her bff. We BOTH are completely aware that they are both fictional characters and arent real, as much as we wish they were. And yet, here was Elfie, "worrying" about us like we're those tiktok teens who believe in quantum jumping or whatever it's called. We are both grown adults with of course one or two mental disabilities at best. But we are not that mentally ill. During this time, me and Vib could barely speak. We were both having straight up panic attacks on call may I mind you. And Elfie has the gall to try and force us onto VRChat to speak to her about this. In which neither of us had the energy or mental capacity to do at the time because, again, we were both having fully blown panic attacks. Both me and Vib have some pretty bad trauma when it comes to being confronted about things that arent true about us or thing we never even did. What makes this worse, is that I can say for almost everybody in that server, that they've had comfort characters aswell. HELL, there was one member who's status said things about being in love with Reala. Now I'm not against fictional crushes, or those who have F/Os and such. But for me and Vib, we had nothing close to that! Or at least not to that extent. Especially since Vib didnt even have a fictional crush on her comfort character. She saw Reala as a best friend. But again, being fully aware that Reala is a fictional character. So it was basically on the same lines, just not in the exact same way. And THAT user never got called out for it! THEY never got put on the spot in a private gc and being told they're parasocial for it! And all while this was happening, one of my partners, bless his soul, went out of his way to speak to Elfie for us. Which is when we found out that Elfie didnt care as much about us as we thought she did. She claimed that she didnt like our behavior despite us being some of the more normal users in that server, and even had the audacity to call some of our other close friends that we even had invited into the VRChat group gatherings as annoying. It was a whole mess that I regret having one of my partners get involved with, but I am forever grateful for him to have gotten that information for us. So after that incident, we began slowly distancing ourselves from the group and the server. Slowly started blocking people, leaving and blocking the vrchat group, and soon after, blocking Elfie and leaving the server for good.

Things didn't stop right away though. We still kept in touch with a few users who remained in the server, but at least accepted our decision to leave. Some have even stated that Elfie and some of the others "missed us" or "hoped we were okay" which neither of us believed for a second. Elfie herself even tried to pull in one of our close friends who she had as I stated prior, called him annoying. As he states, she said something along the lines of not knowing when she called him annoying and wanted him to join her server. In which, yeah, he didn't fall for that either.

Most of the other members of that server probably don't even know what happened that day. But if you're seeing this and remember us from that server.. well.. now you do.

But I do wish for everyone else who was in this situation aswell to heal. Their experiences should have to be heard too and not just mine. So many more people were hurt by Elfie than just me and you all should listen to them too.

[themysteriousauthor18]

Alastor comes out as Ace to Lucifer

(HEY ALL MY ACE'S OUT THERE! If you are or are not a radioapple shipper thats fine. But...I'm praticing trying to write Alastor as ace, or I think grayace? (please feel free to correct me.) Anyway I'd like the opinion of people on that spectrum to tell me how good or bad I did. And were I could improve if needed. Thank you! And thanks for reading!

The current scene is set somewhere in the 1990s. Alastor and Lucifer have been dating (around) a month at this point (can be changed later). Lucifer and Charlie are having a sleepover at Alastor’s house (they do this often now) and Lucifer is laying in bed with Alastor while Charlie is bunking it with Alastor’s mom in her room.(?) The concept of gay is a new concept to people in this era and while its legal its frowned upon. So being asexual is an undiscovered thing and while Alastor is ace he doesn't understand it. Or understand its okay and there isn't something wrong with him.

Lucifer liked Alastor’s house. 

He liked how warm, cozy and inviting it felt opposed to the gigantic mansion he owned. He liked how small Alastor’s bed was compared to his own. Because his bed felt empty. Hallow. Alastors was small and cozy and because it was small it made them have to lay closer to each other. Which…neither ever seemed to mind. 

He liked it here. 

He liked taking Charlie out along the banks with Alastor to go exploring. He liked how warm the neighborhood was. How kind they were to Charlie. How the fellow kids in the neighborhood played with her. It was such a stark contrast to the wandering judging eyes of his own neighborhood.

As Lucifer lay there though, Alastor in his arms. He felt something was off. Alastor felt…tight. His body was tense. “Alastor?” He asked, gently. His voice is quiet. “Are you awake?” It had to be almost midnight if not early morning by now. But since the birds were quiet, he assumed night.

“Mm.”Lucifer lays there for a moment. He’s unsure if Alastor is really awake or if he’s sleep talking. He’s about to try going to sleep himself when he feels Alastor move in his arms. When he opens his eyes Alastor is moving away and sitting up. Lucifer lays there for a moment, watching Alastor with growing worry as he sits facing away from him. He’s hunched forward and his head is hanging low. 

After a moment, Lucifer sits up too. 

“Whats wrong?” He asks carefully. 

Alastor's response is immediate. “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay?” He shifts forward but Alastor turns away. So…he keeps his distance. 

They sit there in silence for a few minutes. Lucifer tries to fight the anxiety growing in his chest like a beast. And the desire to start pacing around the room. He settles for tugging at the sheets repeatedly. 

“I understand we have been together for a month now. And this may seem sudden. But I believe there’s something we need to talk about.” 

“ …I’m listening.”

Alastor looks nervous, he’s staring at the wall without a hint of a smile on his face. Lucifer noticed Alastor smiled a lot as a person. A long sigh comes from him. And at least a few minutes pass before Alastor even tries to speak again. It's like he’s contemplating dropping the subject altogether. Lucifer’s grateful he doesn’t. Because he’s not sure he wouldn’t be able to not worry about it if he knew something was on Alastor’s mind. And that it was bothering him.

“I…” He starts, messing with the bottom of his hair. “I’m not a very big fan of sex, or…sexual activities in general.” 

The statement catches Lucifer off guard. Because…well, like Alastor said they’d only been together for a month. And sure he’d known plenty of people and friends who had done way more than he’s done with Alastor in a month. But, he enjoyed that they were taking things slow. After literally marrying someone at 18 and having a child at 19 (even though he loved Charlie very much)  just to be divorced not long after, taking things slow was what he desperately needed. Having said that, neither of them had even glanced at the topic of sex. So to hear Alastor bring it up felt…strange.

"Where's this coming from?” he decides to say. Unsure about what he should say on the statement itself yet. He needs to know where Alastor’s mind is at first.

Alastor is fidgeting. Being around him for this long, he’s picked up on the notion that Alastor does that when he’s nervous. Not a man to typically wear his heart on his sleeve. But it's not entirely difficult to figure out what he’s thinking or feeling if you knew what signs to look for. 

Lucifer slides up, and places a gentle hand on Alastor's forearm. Alastor doesn’t look at him. He’s looking down, his long hair covering his face and making it impossible to see his expression. But he doesn’t move away, or move the hand. “Hey, you can talk to me Al. I’m not judging, I’m just trying to understand what's going on.”

It makes him worry when Alastor doesn’t seem to relax. Even when he’s said that. But Lucifer waits there, patiently. The two of them tangled in the sheets, sitting together. Eventually Alastor does speak again and it's slow and cautious. Maybe even a little…scared?

“I’ve never…been a fan of sex. Or sexual things. It's just….it's not something I could ever really get into. That's not to say I don’t like it? I just like it in a different way?” He leans his face into his hand. “I’ve only had two relationships in my life. And maybe that’s pathetic for someone who is 25 but that doesn’t matter. I suppose 3 if you count us but I’m not counting us in this particular situation.” Lucifer frowns, unsure of what that’s supposed to mean. Should he be worried? He keeps those thoughts to himself for now, letting Alastor go on. 

“The details of those relationships aren’t important. What is important is that they both were very physically intimate people. They both liked to indulge in sex quite a lot. And I tried to satisfy them both when I was with each of them. But I felt…uncomfortable, with how much it happened.” Alastor shifts, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Lucifer can see his eyes now but not the rest of his face. His eyes are dark and they are facing down. Away from him. “My first relationship was with a woman. And naturally I lost my virginity to her. But I remember my reaction to sex itself was just… ‘that's it?’ She seemed to enjoy it and love it. But I didn’t, not really.  I liked that it made her happy. I tried to like it as much as her. For her.” 

Lucifer remembered Alastor discussing his second relationship briefly, on the night of their first kiss. He remembered that one was with a man. He briefly wondered if Alastor was into both men and women or just men now? Another time…

“Eventually, we’d been together for long enough that I thought I could bring my discomfort to her. And talk about it. But she took it as an insult. That just because I didn’t particularly enjoy sex itself, I didn’t love her. But that wasn’t what I was trying to say. However she didn’t see it that way,” he pauses. Lucifer sees the way Alastor’s shoulders tighten. “She looked at me like something was wrong with me. And that was that. And I was on to my next relationship within a year. You already know about that one. But what you don’t know is that the end result was more or less the same.”

Lucifer wants to hug him. …He doesn’t.

“I…I actually quite enjoyed Vox’s personality. He was similar to me, in a way. We both liked to dance, we liked jazz and singing. We shared a lot of common interests. And once again I thought we’d be on the same page if I voiced my discomfort. But again, he had a similar reaction. He didn’t take my statement as not loving him, but took it as there being something wrong with me. ‘How can a man not love sex. You're a man. Are you sure you like men? Because maybe you just prefer to bed a woman.’ Is essentially what he told me.”

“What a dick.” Lucifer mutters, unable to help it.

Alastor actually chuckles, just a little.  “Yes that…didn’t feel too nice to hear.” He shrugged, “he also said that it was something I’d learn to like in time. And that I was just getting bored, or it was because it was new. So…we tried a lot of things. …I tried a lot of things for him. But I didn’t like any of them. I liked how he seemed to like it. But, I didn’t like it. And I didn’t really like how much we did it. I just wanted to hang out or cuddle honestly. Having sex was…fine, once in a while but I felt guilty. Like, there was something wrong with me because I was never as into it as they were.”

“In the time I’ve come to get to know you, Lucifer. I’ve learned you are a very open-minded and down to earth man. That’s something I’m very grateful for, because it was something those two lacked. But you are still a man, a person. And I imagine you still have needs and desires. And…” Alastor hesitates, he swallows and continues a bit more cautiously. “Truth be told, I’m a bit scared. That I will disappoint you the same way I disappointed them. So, that's why I’m bringing this up now. I do adore you, and Charlie. But I can understand if this…if me being broken like this deters you from going any further in this relationship.”

“Alastor.” Lucifer says abruptly, Alastor flinches. He flinches?! Lucifer tried to hold his tongue but couldn't help it anymore. So he lets everything spill out about what he’s been thinking. Uncaring of how messy it comes out. 

“There’s not a damn thing wrong with you Alastor. You're not broken or anything.” The brunette finally looks at him, and he’s…surprised? Taken aback? Like he was expecting him to say something else. Lucifer continues. “Look, I…I’m not really that into sex either. I like it, sure. But that's not all there is to a relationship.” He shrugs, his cheeks tinting pink a little but he continues to look at Alastor. He needs to know Alastor is listening. “I love hanging out with you, I love it when you go with me and Charlie on outings.” He pauses, taking one of Alastor's hands in his own and squeezing it. Alastor smiles. Lucifer does too. “I like this. Just sitting here in bed with you. I like having these sleepovers where we just lay in bed and talk about things we like. Or talk about our day…I like you. And I want you to be comfortable with me. I don’t think it’s weird that you aren’t into sex. It’s fine. And you shouldn’t think you're broken or anything like that because you're not. You're amazing Alastor. And if you're not super into sex that’s completely fine with me. As long as I can still smother you with kisses.`` He pauses, “if that's something you're comfortable with?”

Alastor grins. His face lights up. “Always.” Lucifer pulls Alastor in for a hug and he gladly accepts. Pressing his face against Lucifer's shoulder. Lucifer holds him there like he’s protecting him from the world. And Alastor holds onto him with a new found love.  “Should we ever get to that bridge though…” Alastor says, his voice a little muffled but Lucifer can understand him. “I…I wouldn��t be against it. With you.” 

He can see the tips of Alastor’s ears tinting red. But he doesn’t make a comment on it. “Yeah well…” Now Lucifer blushes. “Likewise. But…let’s just enjoy being together for right now.” 

Alastor hums, more than happy to do that. His body finally relaxes in Lucifer’s hold and before either of them know it they’ve fallen asleep. 

[starlightmoon96]

Yandere IDW Rodimus Prime x (INK/goth/ curvy human reader) Pt.2

Within that one week of late night working and proving to your boss that you wanted the manager position by proving how hard and dedicated working you where, all your hard work had paid off. You had finally got your hands on that promotion you wanted, which meant a pay raise in your wallet.

Though during the week of your hard work related labor you didn't notice Rodimus snooping around, during the week you where too busy with work Rodimus had gathered enough information he needed and did his research about the Ace community. He didn't know there was so much different branches of being ace, from the way you kept your distance from Jazz a lot he figured that you where asexual still not aware that you where Apothisexual. Rodimus figured that you needed to have a strong emotional connection in order to get physical with anyone, in which he was up for a challenge in not just winning your heart but winning what a lot of people wanted from you.

"Congratulations on that promotion Y/N." Your cousin said that to you as you started packing a few items in one of the two suitcases you had brought

"Thanks C/N...Did you already finish packing?"

"Not yet, happy we had the same idea with the using a storage unit in storing most of out stuff." After your cousin said that she asked you another question

"I'm happy I got you alone, wanted to talk to you about something I noticed?" Hearing that you paused with your packing and looked over at her

"What is it?"

"It's Rodimus, I think he might have actual feelings for you?" Hearing that part really confused you and it showed on your face

"What makes you say THAT?"

"He talked to me a few days also about you, he figured out that your ace but didn't know what type of ace you are. It seemed that he didn't mind that your uncomfortable sex." Where your cousins words, but hearing those words wasn't what you had imagined. Many humans on the base where benefits with some of the bots but romantic dating was kind of out of the question

"Are you being serious right now?" That confusion and worry was still showing on her you face seeing that your cousin was serious with her words, though it made you worry about something else

"If that's the case then he might try something to get me from leaving?...Looks like I have to make a few changes?" Your cousin smirked hearing that as she questioned you

"Your not gonna humor yourself with the idea? That's a new one for you." You shivered hearing that from your cousin

"I don't think do, something is telling me that would make things WAY worse I'm going with my instincts."

What you fearing after you heard what your cousin said had come to reality, just a couple days before you where ready to move out was when Rodimus had confronted you during the middle of the night while you where doing star gazing outside the base for the last time.

"Rodimus you scared you..what are you doing out here?" You said that after you where startled my Rodimus that had shown up just before you where heading back to the base

"I was hoping to talk to you Y/N. Alone and privet." Where his words to you, though you couldn't shack the feeling that something felt a little off with Rodimus. It was that moment that Rodimus had confessed his love for you and honestly you didn't know what to say to him, hearing him actually saying it, however it was when he asked you out in being his 'spark-mate' was something you weren't prepared for. You honestly didn't know what to say to him it caught you off guard, with taking a few minutes you finally gave him a response to his question.

"Wow Rodimus I haven't been this shocked since my parents remarried recently, it was a neither good or bad feeling for me." You saying that confused Rodimus at first but you kept talking to him

"I appreciate your honesty Rodimus, it's sudden can I get a little time in thinking it over?"

Rodimus was both happy and nervous with your response and he had hoped that you would accept him the way he wanted, thee even for YOU was shocking a little determined for you in leaving sooner. You really didn't want to say yes to him, but at the same time you didn't want to hurt his feelings either since you considered him a good friend and nothing more. You ended up telling your cousin what had happened and even she was shocked by that, you didn't know what to do and you where afraid in asking advice with the bots on the ship since some of them failed in getting to the same level of closeness Rodimus Prime managed to get also.

You weren't thee only one last in there thoughts,the moment Rodimus returned to his room. He felt like his spark was going to burst out of his chest, he was worried that he wouldn't say the right words to you when he finally confessed his feelings to you. He imagined you saying yes to him and picturing his life with you even though you where an organic.....Both of yours and his worlds would be different indeed but not in the way the other things......

continue in part 3

[askfallenroyalty]

New Designs! Because of the polls and the darkworld taking place in Asgore's "Flower King" shop again, Feylow can be a goat again. design is more heavily daffodil themed, the head looks more like the corona while the shoulder... thing... (idk what they're called, its too big to be just a collar?) is the tepals. which makes more sense regarding the coloring as the corona is what typically gets the darker edges and not the tepals.

all skirt are the leaves, feet are the bulbs. sash based on a stigma.

(Feylow's redesign influenced by Moon's design)

The angel wings are tiny and fit on the back, normally not visible.

Ruler, the "Flower King" (Though Ruler is a nonbinary they/them) is based on a Crown of Thorns flower.

They're influenced by Chara's perception of what it means to be an adult.

Ruler is a mob "boss" (pun on boss monster), a greedy capital chasing murdering fem fatale. They sin, they're a "devil." A toxic (literally, as the flower they're based on is toxic) and have a blood/thorn visual motif. They rule with an iron fist, they're a dictator. (They're similar to Queen in some regards, but Queen is more... benevolent and (mostly) harmless. Has good intentions. This is NOT the case with Ruler. They're a proper villain out for themselves.)

There's aspects of the adults who've abandoned Chara in Ruler, mainly Chara's birth mother, Tom the stepdad and Asriel. Becoming an adult is something that corrupts you into something sinister. It's less so the poeple themselves, but the painful aspects that overshadow who they are. They're caricatures, boild down to simple ideas.

but that's hardly all they are. If you squint, you'll see those aspects, but it's more so what Chara fears they'll become like. In a sense, Ruler is a mirror to Chara's fear of what being an adult would look like AND what they could want. They're very much the IDEA of what's bad with adulthood -drugs, sex, violence, money. I never touch the topic of Chara's love life even when they become an adult mostly because I feel Chara's a very private person with a lot of trauma and mental health issues that a relationship is the last thing on their mind.

...But that isn't to say that stuff doesn't worry the hell out of them. There are feelings they repress. Despite their darkworld form being a cherub, Chara IS 16. It's a natural part of growing up to have more adult feelings and desires. (speaking as asexual, even asexuality is a spectrum. i'm not giving chara any specific sexuality here, just saying even asexuality is still on the table.)

Chara wants to fight this boss so frickin bad. Feylow is just embarrassed their older sibling is beefing with their new friend.

But yeah so there's never any 1-1 analog for either of these darkners, when boiled down they're "childhood innocence" vs. "sinful adulthood." They're neither Chara nor the people they knew, and they get their own histories outside the Dreemurr Family.

I assume at the very least Asgore is going to be involved, with it being his shop. I think it'd be funny if Raine pulled a Berdly and tried to partner up with Ruler to get some authority -only to realize the extent of Ruler's depravity and ineptness and side with Chara & co. to defeat them. But I feel that's retreading what happened with the other fallen kids when usurping Asgore and too similar to Queen. But hey, first draft version of the ideas you know?

Anyway Frisk REALLY needs their own stuff going on the plot, they're too reactive and inactive in the story and needs their own B plot. (Or rather, Chara's needs to be the B-Plot, cause it can easily just turn into sulking/anger with little progress for a while)

[devilcat3d]

WRENS SLIDING SCALE OF HORNY

This is a scale from 1-5 that determines how horny Wren is on any given day. It can be used to determine whether or not you should engage in sexual activity and/or whether or not you should talk about sexual content with Wren. Thank you for your continued use of this scale and for respecting Wrens boundaries. The number 1 is not horny at all while 5 is maximum horny.

1: Wren is not horny. You should especially avoid being physically sexual with her as well as talking about sex or your own level of horniness in relation to Wren. You can still kiss and hug Wren as this is not an indicator that being lovey-dovey or touchy-feely with her will upset her. Wren just wants to be loved as a partner with no sexual connotations whatsoever. Tell her she is pretty or something though!

2: Wren is not necessarily horny but some light sexual teasing and/or small implications of sexual activity are not a problem for her. You should avoid being too physically horny about her though as this might make her uncomfortable. Treat Wren as your partner who you love without too much pandering to how hot and/or sexy you find her.

3: Wren is neither horny or the opposite of horny. She doesn't mind being sexual with you but also isnt likely to initiate sex. If you want to be horny and or sexual with her getting consent first is a good idea. She is likely to enjoy being sexual with you and will reciprocate sexual talk/compliments with you but it isn't her first thought. Treat Wren as though she is your partner you adore while also being sexual with her if the mood strikes you. Just don't overdo it! Compliments about how hot and/or sexy Wren is are welcome but be careful about saying what sexual things you want to do with her.

4: Wren isn't as horny as she could be but is definitely open to sexual activity. Treating her as a sexual object is welcome and she is willing to engage in sexual activity. She may initiate sex on occasion and is willing to reciprocate sexual feelings. She may want to do other things besides sex and be treated like a person over being objectified but she won't turn down sex if you are enthusiastic about it. It's okay to "force" sexual activities on her (ie: put her on her knees and fuck her face) but just know she might turn it down if she is busy with something else or is tired. Treat Wren as a girl you love while also sexualizing her as the two of you see fit. Telling her she is sexy and/or hot is welcome.

5: Wren is as horny as she can get. Treating Wren as a sexual object and using her body for your own pleasure is reccomended. You should make her feel wanted in every way you could want someone including for her body and for who she is as a person. She is likely to initiate sex but you don't have to wait for her to start sexual activity. Feel free to engage her with sexual content if the mood strikes you! She is okay with looking at porn and being talked to about sexual things especially if they involve her and you. Please let Wren know if you want to engage in sexual conduct with her and she will likely oblige you! "Forcing" (ie: using her throat whenever you want) sex on Wren is a good idea and will likely be met with enthusiasm. Compliments about how sexy and/or hot Wren is are very welcome. Treat Wren as a sexual object but don't be afraid of treating her as just a girl you love as well.

Due to Wrens sometimes asexual nature she may fall down this scale at any time and reserves every right to stop sexual activity at any time. It is not your fault if Wren stops feeling sexual it just happens sometimes. Please don't feel bad if she asks you to stop sexualizing her for whatever reason. Wren is a complicated girl and might not always perfectly fall on this scale but using this as a resource is a great idea. Thank you for using this scale and keep on loving your girlfriend!! <3

hiiiiiiiiii tumblr this is a scale i made for my girlfriend to help her better understand how to treat me on any given day. we plan on getting a whiteboard that i can write this on every day! anyway it refers to the person reading this as my partner but it also works for everyone out there who might want a better idea of how my sexual brain works!! love you all mwahhhhhhh

[quietwingsinthesky]

I wish not having sex was seen as a norm; there are cisgender guys that don't understand or care that some of us are dealing with trauma or just don't want to have sex.

I’m not entirely sure what you mean; are you referring to it as a societal norm or are you saying that you wish asexuality was more common than allosexuality? Because neither of these solve the actual problem you’re discussing, which is someone not caring about how or whether they get consent to have sex with someone.

It’s already a societal norm for men to want to have sex and women to not want to have sex, and enforcing both of these only increases the problem. You couldn’t fix anything by flipping the script and now enforcing a no sex rule onto men as well. Societal norms do not actually dictate whether someone will cross them to get what they want, and if someone wants to coerce sex out of a relationship, they will do that whether society tells them they should want it or not. Sexual abuse is not hindered by societal norms; If anything, it is protected by them.

And the second thing is just. Again, we’re assuming that these dynamics are solely born out of sexual desire and have nothing to do with power or abuse. An asexual society would still have ways people feel violated by their partners, whether or not those partners were in the allosexual minority.

I understand, as an asexual person myself, why you’d want an easy flip to a world that seems to cater to you, now, but the source of the problem is more complicated than other people wanting to have sex. Their sexuality is not the problem; their predatory behavior is. Removing one would not remove the other.

(I also understand why you specify “cisgender guys” here. I know from how you’ve worded it that this is a personal issue, that this is the source from which you’ve felt this pressure most strongly. I’m not going to police your language around that, you are free to say that if you wish. I’d only caution that aligning someone’s gender with their capacity for violence in your mind can lead to you being more susceptible to radicalizing rhetoric from bad actors and to be aware of that, so that you aren’t taken advantage of by people who say they want to help you and only want to use your pain to harm others.)

[leadendeath]

i don't want to reblog the post because my commentary is not relevant to the subject, so i didn't want to put this in said post's tags. also as i type it turned into a long...? something. vent maybe? i don't even know what to refer to it as. but i've seen a couple of posts recently that have really got me thinking.

as i'm writing this, they both just appeared on my dash. they are this one and this one. i'm definitely going to post this now (i have to) and not just save it in my drafts forever.

Having sex with friends sounds nice! I am pro-that! (pro meaning not anti) for me it would alleviate my fears of hooking up with those I just met or haven't known for years because friends are less likely to murder/kidnap you or give you a disease! (I do not want to die from sex lmao) the con: now they know what i look like and what bodily/physical problems i have that aren't visible to the general public. no. i can't have sex with my friends. my god. it all boils down to my body dysmorphia. literally the mortifying ordeal of it being known

So I think again, like I often do, about my place on the ace spectrum. I usually do not care for labels, don't find them necessary to apply to myself, but it's totally cool if other people have tons of different labels that they use. I am pro-that too! I myself am definitely grey-ace or demi-something. I landed on aegosexual- a disconnect between yourself and your sexual attraction- for a long time. I am never sexually or romantically attracted to somebody I don't know. Not even people on the screen. What if that hot (definition for this context: visually appealing) actor is a dick? Good looks garbage personality? At least you can do research on him. Not the case with "irl contacts" (definition: non-famous and real people who you might actually meet or know in person).

I know that I definitely experience sexual attraction, and want to have sex. Based on that I don't feel quite right calling myself asexual.

I don't LIKE that I feel too bad about experiencing sexual attraction to act on it. There's this weird feeling that's hard to place, but closest to "guilt", I'd say. Disgust with myself.

That time I was propositioned to go back to a con hotel (i turned him down and he listened and respected me and was nice, it's just i stopped myself), or that other time when making out and groping (different guy different occasion; we could've gone further but i stopped myself), or even just flirting and talking about our turn-ons and things we Like with my long-distance online sort-of bf that I had. I'm even hesitating to follow the "after dark" art accounts that I want to follow on bird site because of the guilt and almost embarassment I feel at myself (I'm fully aware that the only reason most people have locked accounts which you have to request to follow is to keep out minors and trolls btw, and i'm certainly neither of those!).

All of this is stuff I want and that's enjoyable to me, but this nagging "don't do that. you're gross. why would you say/do that? you're being weird. stop. stop. stop. you're not allowed to do these things." is always there in my mind. I don't want it to be there, and it's always there.

Now, this doesn't come from religious trauma, like "sex before marriage = wrong and bad"? "gay sex = ultimate evil"? Nah, I was never told those things. I didn't even have a very religious upbringing. These thoughts can't be explained away by any of that. Even my mom has always been like "you can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend! i don't mind as long as you're happy! :)" yknow having that nice accepting approach to that time when I was like 15 and settled on bi for "what i was" at the time. No judgement, no condemnation there either.

It's not real.

When I learned that I have ocd, suddenly I started to maybe have an explanation for these thoughts. Some people's obsessions focus on repetition or contamination. A good part of my obsessions focus on condemnation. I'm scared of it. I take "beating yourself up over something" to the next level. Just like any other person who's familiar with delusions, intrusive thoughts, etc will tell you: knowing it's not real doesn't make it any better. Doesn't make it stop. Doesn't make it go away.

When I could explain this detrimental thought process away by finding this horrible disorder to pin the blame on, I felt freer. I've thought many times throughout my mentally ill life about bringing up my (questioning)asexuality to a therapist one day, and I still will, even more so now. i felt before like I'd bring it up to them and not be able to back it up with any evidence, and just be brushed off? That's a stupid way to think, I know. And a therapist who would really do that is one you'd leave immediately. You don't need evidence to talk about how you feel, that's so silly... but that thought itself comes back around, in a vicious cycle, to my needing to justify myself because otherwise I am Wrong And Bad. jeez. what a way to think. i hate that. will be so glad when i get it under control after 25+ years.

edit: oh ya there's also this. my tags on one of the above posts i never reblogged, sat in my drafts.

my disability is inseparable from my sexuality, whatever it is.

[heyitsjooooanne]

My Thoughts On Certain Types of Intimacy

Everyday I become more and more glad that I am somewhere on the asexual scale.

And I’m slightly sex averse, at least with a certain type of sexual act.

I've never been intimate with anyone ever, but I strongly relate to this user's germaphobic outlook and most of the OP’s as well.

OS is absolutely disgusting and creepy to me.

It is the one sexual act that no one will ever convince me to do.

I would rather have my naked body touched and massaged by the hands of an attractive guy that I trust than have my genitalia and gross inner body fluids licked by him and vice versa. (Note: I've never tasted myself either. I've never wanted to do that.)

"It's not disgusting! It's nat–"

You know, I can't stand it when people tell others that they're not allowed to find body parts, fluids, or other natural things disgusting or just plain unappealing.

Why am I not allowed to think that?

Why is it weird for me to think that licking someone's genitals or their anus where poop comes out (even if it's been cleaned beforehand) is gross and creepy? And for me, I think it’s also the fact that the lower region is where gas and poop comes out, which also adds to my disgust. This is also why I’ve never found butts attractive. I just see them as plump poop dispensers.

You can love someone and still be disgusted by certain aspects of them. You don’t eat their poop or vomit and say “mmm” do you? I know those are extreme cases, but I was trying to make a point that not everything about your (assumed) sexual partner has to appeal to you.

I don't think I'll tongue kiss anyone either for that reason as well. A small peck on the lips I could probably handle, but not a complete spit swap.

I can't even eat food if someone else has eaten half of it already. Just the thought of someone's mouth previously being anywhere on the food grosses me out.

If someone didn't finish their plate, oh well, it's going in the compost not in my mouth.

And I feel meh about female and male genitalia in general.

Neither is attractive to me, they're just sort of...there. I don't find naked bodies "beautiful," I'm more neutral toward them.

Honestly, I'm much more attracted to faces. I think I lean toward heteroromantic with a slight curiosity in (non oral) sex but only if I trust the guy and there's absolutely no chance of me getting pregnant ever.

But I'm not aching for PIV sex. My sex drive is super low and I'm very lucky that it worked out that way because it wouldn't be very responsible of me to get pregnant constantly without stopping to think about it.

(Obviously, people with high sex drives can be responsible, it's just nice that I can forgo sexual activity for long periods of time with no affect on me whatsoever.)

Kids deserve parents who actually look forward to the pregnancy, birth, and raising of that child.

Zero of those three things appeal to me.

These are some replies on Reddit I've seen toward people who have no desire to go down there:

"You're not a real man if you won't do it."

“Say goodbye to your dating life.”

"May I ask why you won't? I've done it before and– [story to convince them to change their mind insteading of respecting their right to think it's gross]."

"How old are you?"

"Grow up!"

Of course, the first thing most people do when presented with an unpopular sexual boundary is shame the person into complying by insinuating that they're not a "real" adult if they don't do it despite the fact that their reactions are immature, not the other way around.

Good job.

It just really annoys me that people try to gatekeep others' feelings about sexual activity.

It's like no one is allowed to say anything bad about sex, ever. Everyone must be interested in it and never grossed out by any of it.

But guess what?

You can acknowledge that something is normal (like discharge coming out during oral foreplay), but still be grossed out by it and its associated activities. It's fine.

No one bats an eye at someone being disgusted by poop left in the toilet but being grossed out by certain sexual acts? That's not allowed, apparently.

It would be better if an aversion to OS (or any sexual activity) was treated like someone not wanting to try a new food, which bothers me as someone who loves actual food and thinks bodily fluids are disgusting and unappetizing, but in this case, it works.

I would love to live in a world where people spoke about OS the way people talk about food preferences, or in this case, assumed preferences.

"That food looks kinda gross. I think I'll pass."

"I've had it before. I personally love it.”

“It’s almost noon. We should hurry if we don’t wanna miss the show.”

Example of this applying to people who've never tried OS and don't plan on doing so.

"OS seems kinda gross. I've never done it and I don't plan to."

"That's understandable. I found it enjoyable though.”

“Hey, does this time look right? I think my watch is broken.”

No manipulating, and no calling the other person "immature" for not wanting to try a popular sexual act. Just the thoughts of both parties.

Now, I love touching the people I'm close to (while clothed, of course). Hugs, shoulder touches, knee touches, that sort of thing. I have no problem touching someone if I trust them.

But getting up close and personal down there is an intimacy that I am just not comfortable with.

And of course, I don't know if I'll ever trust a guy enough to say yes to PIV sex, especially with my fear of pregnancy, giving birth, the responsibility of raising a child, and the hot climate that continues to get worse. But if I had to choose between OS and PIV sex, I’d choose PIV sex, even with the fear of pregnancy and all the stuff that comes with it. Because at least with the simple act of PIV, nothing's going in anyone’s mouth, especially mine, which, by the way, is very tiny and prone to a quick gag reflex. The dentist is a struggle for me, unfortunately.

Now I'm not exactly looking for a romantic (and possibly sexual) relationship for the reasons stated above, but I would love to have some guy friends.

Sadly, I think I might have some minor PTSD with all men. Between my sperm donor being an awful person and boys in school treating me like trash because I didn't look pretty, it's very difficult for me to get close to men. I've always kept them at arm's length.

Like one time in college, a male classmate tried to speak to me after class, and I think I just nodded silently. Once he realized he wasn't gonna get much out of me, he walked away.

There was also another time when a different male classmate in another class tried to speak to me and I responded in pretty much the same way.

My mind just freezes around men in real life when they try to get to know me.

Although, this was over ten years ago, and I had no issue telling a random guy how to get somewhere in Boston earlier in the year, so maybe I've changed.

But then again…I was just giving directions. 

That's different from letting a guy get close to me.

And I'm not sure why any guy would want to get to know me better to be honest.

I mean, I'm not pretty.

On top of that, I have asexual tendencies, am adamantly childfree, struggling in my “career,” a clueless adult, and living with relatives.

I can't offer beauty, sex, money, or connections.

The only thing I have to offer men is me and my personality.

And maybe some nice hugs if I'm comfortable, but that's it.

-_-

My ideal romantic relationship would consist of me being cuddled by a guy that I like while we both have clothes on.

But that might be asking for a miracle.

xx

[timeoverload]

Today went exactly how I expected it to. It was busy as hell and I couldn't catch my breath all day. I don't even want to talk about it because I'm exhausted.

My mom is doing weird shit again and I don't have the energy to deal with it right now. She sent my dad like 300 text messages today. She is blowing up my phone right now and I had to mute her because I told her I wanted to go to bed because I'm tired. That didn't register in her mind I guess because she won't stop sending me shit. I am irritated that she is saying that she only wants to come back for a month now. I'm not really surprised that she is being like this. She is pissing me off so I had to stop talking to her. It is going to be nearly impossible to plan anything. I am going to call her tomorrow and maybe we can figure something out. I might want to rip my hair out after we have that conversation. I'm not going to worry about that right now.

I have been thinking about you all day, Maxwell. I appreciate you trying to help me understand what is going on. I was wrong about you and I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting that. It really helps to ease my anxiety about the situation when you are open with me. It makes it easier to be patient with you.

Honestly, I have never been with anyone that had problems like that so this is new to me. You don't need to be ashamed at all. I know it is difficult to talk about stuff like that.

I understand why you would be anxious about getting close to anyone. I know you don't want to get hurt and neither do I. I'm scared about that too but I don't really talk about that. I guess that's probably part of the reason I try to run away sometimes. It's not because I don't love you.

I'm not going to talk about getting married or having babies anymore if that makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want that, that's ok. I don't want to put that kind of pressure on you because it scares you away. I do want that but only if you do too. It has to be a mutual agreement.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by saying that you are fearfully asexual. I want you to know that I would never push you to do anything you don't want to do. I am not going to force you to be intimate with me. Of course I would do that if you ever wanted to but that's not the most important part of a relationship. When I said that I wanted intimacy, I wasn't just referring to sex. I can live without doing that if that isn't something you want. There are a lot of other ways to be intimate with someone. It's also a really bad idea to have sex with someone as soon as you start dating them anyway. I don't like moving too fast. I have been pressured to do things I didn't want to do many times in the past so I am also fearful of that. I have gotten a lot of criticism too so I'm not very confident in myself when it comes to that stuff. That's why I haven't even tried to do that with anyone else. I can't do that with anyone that I'm not in love with either because it's not right. It should be special.

You don't have to touch me if you don't want to. I won't ask for hugs or anything like that. I could sit on the opposite side of the room if that would make you feel better. I'm not sure what to do.

It's ok if you don't want to be my boyfriend. I'm not going to get mad at you about that. I would still say yes if you ever decided to ask me out. I would like to be your best friend before anything else. You are already my best friend. I know it's hard to be in a romantic relationship with someone if you don't spend time together as friends first. We have spent time together but not without other people around so I'm not sure if that counts. I'm not going to demand you to hang out with me but it would make me really happy. I would love a friend to talk to and goof around with. You can tell me anything. We can hang out without it being a date. I don't care what we do. I'm still down if you ever want to go on a walk sometime or something.

I also don't want you to feel like you are losing your sense of autonomy. It would be great if you could tell me what your boundaries are so I could be more respectful of that. All you need to do is communicate. If something I'm doing is bothering you, just tell me. I need to know so I can behave appropriately. I don't want to smother you. I know I can be a little clingy sometimes so you can tell me to back off if necessary. I don't want you to run away because of that.

I wish I knew what happened to you. I wish you could tell me why you are so afraid. You don't have to tell me unless you feel comfortable doing so. I don't want to traumatize you. I don't want to make you anxious.

I was doing some reading earlier because I want to understand and I want to help you. I think that maybe you could benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. It does work for a lot of people and I think it would help you. I hope that you will consider doing something like that because it would be good for you. I probably need to do something like that myself but I haven't had the time or energy.

I know it is hard for a lot of men to be open about their emotions because they are taught to be tough and not talk about that stuff. That makes me sad. It shouldn't be that way. There's nothing wrong with talking about your feelings. It doesn't make you weak. You need to let it out sometimes because bottling everything up for too long is unhealthy. I am wondering if you are unhappy because you have been repressing your emotions for too long. I know that it makes me feel a lot better when I talk about my problems so I think it would help you too.

You are still my favorite person no matter what. I might get angry sometimes but I always come back to you. It feels like we are magnetized to each other. I'm not sure how else to describe it. It's really exciting to be able to experience that with someone. I know I said the other day that you weren't making me happy anymore. That's not true and I was just very upset over stupid shit and didn't take my medicine. I really wish I wouldn't have said all of those bad things because I know you are having a tough time and you didn't deserve that. I apologize for being so inconsiderate.

You do make me happy and I always look forward to hearing from you. I enjoy your company a lot. You are such a wonderful person and I'm so glad that I met you. I wouldn't have made it this far without you. You have helped me to grow a lot as a person. Thank you for sticking around for this long. I appreciate that you put up with me and my antics. Thank you for listening to me when no one else would. I hope you will let me hold your hand someday. I love you with all my heart. 💖💖💖

I can't believe it's almost 9 already. This entire day has gone by really fast. I know I should probably try to eat something soon. I didn't eat enough today but at least I got hot food for breakfast and I finished it. They usually have biscuits and gravy on Thursdays so I get excited about that because it's good most of the time. I get sick of eating poor quality eggs. I have been avoiding getting those this week. There's not a lot of variety in the cafeteria. They usually don't have fruit or anything that healthy available in the morning. That surprises me because I work in a hospital and you would think they would care more about serving healthy food. I'm done complaining about that for now. I need to get up and make food I think. I am going to get ready for bed after I eat something. It's hard to move after running around so much earlier but I have to. I am hoping that tomorrow goes ok and I will try not to get too stressed out. I am staying as positive as I possibly can right now.

I hope everyone else has a great day tomorrow!!! Thank you for listening to me. :) 💖💖💖

[azzehkarla]

Girls who dump or break up with their significant other and have sex with someone else shortly after are one of the purest forms of evil. Neither age nor experience can justify a person like this.

*make love with their future husband *cough cough*

It might not, but a second of actual good dick is worth all the levels of hell that evil sin might condemn her to.

Neh kidding. After 5 years of agony and abuse, besides the relationship being dead, the significant other never showing an ounce of effort or true care and the girl breaking up, not even cheating! to pursue actual love with a guy that actually loves her, cares about her (the actual her,with the good and the bad) and does everything to make it work, even quitting lifelong addiction to be able to build a happy life with her. I think nobody can truly say anything, stand in the way or dare to judge the things people do for true love.

How can you justify that significant other trying to choke said girl? And justify it by saying "she is the type of person that justifies domestic violence " and gaslighting her into actually blaming herself and excusing that behaviour. "You have your hands around our throat and while chocking us, you criticize the way we breathe."-Fidel Castro How can you even judge what the oppressed does to escape from it's opressor.

How about when she tried to off herself and even said she doesn't want to die, he handed her a bucket and said "in cas you change your mind" and slept like a baby while she was picked up by the ambulance?

How about the little things, blaming her for crying cause he promised and anniversary but choose to play video games and saying she is too much.

While "person " organised 3 Valentine's day occasions for her, one on the 14, one on the next weekend and a surprise gift he is building her. That's a massive lap from a guy that won't even have an anniversary and one who goes overboard for any event as if he is looking for excuses to celebrate his love for her.

The SA. Their entire sex life being basically abuse,to the point she thought she was asexual.

Him not working and taking everything off of her back.

Not to mention what a perfect juxtaposition of their same political stence and how they go about it. Person says he loves and shows, significant other says,but doesn't do anything to show. Same way they are both commies, person is less interested in shouting about it,beacuse he is to busy with his political party, direct action and actually talking to workers about their rights, while the other one has an active reddit account.

So what? The miserable abuser ends up being miserable and alone ... shocker! But her getting out of that darkness allows her to find actual love and be able to live her life without someone dragging her down,but uplifting her.

What that "person" did for her in 3 months he never done in years,not to mention the entirely of the relationship goes completely beyond.

Two damaged people actually coming together and healing together to set off to do great things,lighting up,instead of one of them being shut off and eaten by the darkness of the one who just wants her at his level.

Misery loves company and that's all it was.

[aroaceconfessions]

Hi, here to confess something that's been eating at me.

So i dated a girl almost 2 years ago? It was a long distance relationship bc we met online.

Back then I would say i was bisexual instead of biromantic bc well, i was not sure how people would react to it. To me being asexual.

Also was still struggling with it, i had this impostor syndrome I guess? Where I would doubt myself and I had this voice that would say "you just want attention", "are you still in that 'i'm not like the other girls' phase?", etc.

So, bc i knew i was asexual, and tho it was long distance, i still told her that i "thought" i might be asexual bc i wanted to be honest but i wasn't ready to come out (i was afraid of her reaction, tho she is sweet so she would never say anything bad, and also didn't want to confirm it bc what if it changed later??).

And well, her reaction was nor good nor bad? She said it felt bad (don't remember her exact wording bc i blocked that memory) knowing i wasn't sexually attracted to her. And I said that didn't change my feelings towards her.

And well i don't remember anything else, bc i blocked all of it, just remember feeling bad and sad and that she didn't talk to me for a whole day.

I worried sick, cried all day in bed while eating comfort food bc she wouldn't answer my good morning text and we didn't end the last conversation in a good note exactly.

It felt awful, cannot get those words out of my head even tho i don't even remember what exactly she said.

She apologized for not answering at all, and till now i don't know if it was because of our conversation or something else (she was going through things). And I don't think I'll ever ask her bc that's just opening old wounds for both. Also I don't want her to feel bad about it, bc I'm sure she didn't mean anything bad with it.

So after that well she asked me to tell her if i was or wasn't asexual or something like that bc she wanted to know what to expect? (This may not be exactly what she said and just a distorted version of what actually happened).

I don't remember if this was after or before she said the above.

But i remember she had a sexual dream about me, and she didn't want to share it bc she thought it would make me uncomfortable, and I felt so bad that she felt like that, bc i didn't mind, she was my girlfriend, it wasn't weird she would have dreams like that about me.

Okay, yeah, i think the other thing was a distorted version of what she actually said... And that she only wanted to know so she could know my boundaries.

So, well i told her something like that, that it was okay with me and that she shouldn't feel bad about having those dreams.

We started sexting? after that, like sending nudes to each other.

And I didn't mind, but felt kind of guilty, bc i was mostly doing it for her, tho i actually liked her appreciating my body, that was nice; and I can appreciate female bodies even if i don't feel sexually attracted to them; i liked the trust we had in each other to send that and knowing neither of us would share it to someone else without consent, i liked teasing her about sending her my nudes when she was working bc she would get all embarrassed and cute.

I felt guilty bc i would like think of it as in fiction, like disconnect myself when texting her what i would like to do with her, bc they were all words i have read before but never thought towards someone.

And I tried hard to convince myself i could feel sexual attraction. And considering being demisexual just so I could give her that, so when we met i would be able to have sex with her and she wouldn't have to feel bad bc i wasn't sexually attracted to her.

Later we broke up for different reasons, not bc of this.

So like a year or many months later i realized I'm aromantic, so that well sucks, in the sense that i feel like i lied to her even tho i didn't know??? Bc like how i was supposed to know i loved her in a different way and not romantically? Bc it didn't feel exactly how I feel towards friends so i didn't know what else to call it.

Also i'm afraid of what she thinks of it, what if she feels bad that i didn't love her romantically? And that makes me feel bad bc is it bad? Are my feelings not valid if they were not romantic feelings? Like i felt so strongly towards her, doesn't that count?

I wanted to get this out bc I'm tired of making movies in my head about what she thinks of me being aromantic (we don't talk anymore, but we still follow each other on social media and leave comments here and there).

So well, i have never told this to anyone, bc she's friends with my other online friends and I don't want them to know about this and idk like pick sides over something that i don't even remember well? When we broke up we didn't give a clear explanation as to why, i was vague about it bc i didn't want them to feel like they had to pick someone. We ended things in a good way, it wasn't nice bc i didn't want it to end, but it wasn't messy or something like that.

Sorry this is too long and maybe doesn't make sense, i suck at explaining things. I can't talk about this in therapy bc i can't go for financial issues.

[bluejayblueskies]

eros

n. a natural, passionate love; based in physical touch, such as a kiss to the back of a hand or to another’s lips 

Words: 3.1k Relationship: Jonathan Sims/Tim Stoker Tags: Pre-Archives, First Date, Alcohol, Ace Rings, Asexual Jonathan Sims, Kiss-Averse Jonathan Sims, Sex-Repulsed Jonathan Sims Warnings: internalized acephobia (throughout), mention of past acephobia (brief), fear of poor reaction to finding out a character is asexual (doesn’t actually occur), brief mention of unsafe food

|| Ao3 ||

.

In retrospect, Tim probably shouldn’t have begun their very first conversation on their very first date at the very nice bistro by the Thames (which he’d chosen because he’d panicked and picked the place that was the least likely to earn Jon’s disdainful expression) with, “I really, uh, like your ring?”

 It had seemed innocuous enough. But from the way that Jon froze up, his eyes affixed to the menu in front of him with suddenly rapt attention, it was painfully apparent that somehow, somewhere, Tim had fucked up. It had barely been five minutes since they’d walked through the doors of the restaurant and their date had officially started, and he’d already managed to ruin it. God, it had taken him months—months—to work up the courage to ask Jon—beautiful, prickly, awkward, and completely oblivious Jon—out on a real, actual date—no, not a lunch date, not a coffee date, a would you like to get dinner with me date?—and he’d already somehow crossed a line he hadn’t known not to cross.

 “Or, uh. Not?” Tim’s mouth says all on its own, which is worse, so much worse, just shut up Timothy Stoker. In an effort to do some—any—kind of damage control, Tim says, “Sorry, just- just forget I mentioned it. The, er. The mushroom ravioli here is good?”

 Tim’s never had the mushroom ravioli. It just seemed like a good thing to say.

 Fuck.

Jon still hasn’t said anything. One of his hands has gone to the shining gold ring holding the cream-colored fabric napkin neatly wrapped and is twisting it back and forth, like Tim usually sees him do with the black ring that sits on the middle finger of his right hand. The ring that Tim had seen ages ago, back when Jon had first joined Research, a stripe around the base of his finger that was fractionally darker than the skin around it. It was something he never took off, and Tim found his gaze going to it every time Jon would hand him a book or a file folder or a cup of coffee. He’s held Jon’s hand only once, and the ring had been cool against his fingers, worn smooth from how often Jon’s hands went to it during the day to twist it back and forth, an absent-minded motion done whenever Jon was stressed or anxious or nervous or just deep in thought.

 Jon’s fingers twitch around the napkin ring, just for a moment, like they’re itching to reach for something else, before stilling, and now Tim just feels guilty. Before he can stop himself, he says, “I- I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Jon. I’ve just. I’ve always thought it was nice?” Oh god, stop talking, just stop—

 “It looks good on you.”

 Finally, Jon looks up from his menu, his eyes blown wide with surprise. “What?” he says, his voice just a touch rougher than normal, and Tim isn’t sure whether or not to find that incredibly concerning or incredibly hot.

 Focus, Stoker.

 Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, he supposes. So, with a shrug that’s meant to seem casual but really, really isn’t, Tim says, “I’ve always thought so. The way you fiddle with it sometimes, it’s- it’s, I don’t know, cute.”

 “Cute?” Jon says, that same roughness scraping the edges of the word raw.

 Fuck it. “Yes, Jon, cute. I asked you on a date because I think you’re cute and because I want to spend more time with you and because I like you. And I just- I don’t know, it just seemed like the ring was something special to you? Maybe should have gone for something like favorite movie first or something, but I already know a lot of that stuff, and I guess I just. Wanted to ask?”

 Tim’s thrown all semblance of this being a put-together, normal date out the window. Not that anything has ever been normal, or easy for that matter, with Jonathan Sims. Still, he wants this to work. He wants it so goddamn bad he aches. So he bites his tongue, watches Jon’s face, and waits.

 The waiter comes to their table suddenly and without any preamble, with quite possibly the worst timing ever. Tim has no idea what Jon orders. He just blurts out mushroom ravioli on instinct and orders a mid-priced bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon because if this conversation turns any more sideways, at least he’ll have wine to drown his sorrows in.

 There’s a brief pause after the waiter leaves, during which Tim can’t help but notice that Jon’s hand has gone back to his ring, twisting it back and forth on his finger with what now seems like an intentional focus, a way to ground himself in the feeling of it against the pads of his fingers. Then, Jon lets out a small exhalation and says, “I’m… I’m not upset that you asked, Tim.”

 Oh. Tim searches for something to say and comes up with nothing. Relief and confusion curl in his chest in equal measure, and he settles for just nodding, giving Jon what he hopes is an encouraging smile—though it feels decidedly more like a grimace than he’d like.

 In the interim, the wine arrives at their table, their glasses filled by the waiter and the bottle set near the candle flickering in the center. The firelight refracts off the dark glass and Tim swears he can see it reflected in Jon’s eyes, a repeating reflection of flames in Jon’s pupils that goes on for eternity. Tim takes his glass, feeling the desperate need to have something in his hands, and takes a long sip of the wine. It’s nicely bitter on his tongue, briefly chasing away the salty, nervous taste that had filled his mouth.

 Jon takes his own glass in hand and tilts it back and forth, watching the red liquid within swirl around and around. After a long moment, he says, “I wear it for a reason, and I… I suppose I’m afraid that you won’t care for that reason.”

 What? Tim sets his glass down more heavily than he intends to and reaches across the table. When his hand meets Jon’s, Jon flinches ever so slightly.

 “Sorry, sorry,” Tim says, hastily retracting his hand. Before it can retreat more than a few inches, however, Jon shakes his head and reaches forward, grasping Tim’s hand firmly in his. His fingers are warm and dry against Tim’s, and the ring on his finger is cool to the touch where it presses against Tim’s palm.

 “Please, don’t- don’t apologize.” Jon looks down at the table, catching his bottom lip between his teeth and worrying it for a moment before continuing, softly, “I just don’t want to mess this up before it’s even begun.”

 Tim says, with more certainty than he’s ever felt about anything, “You aren’t going to.”

 Jon sighs, exasperated. “Tim, you can’t possibly know that.”

 “Yeah, I can. Because whatever horrible reaction you’re expecting from me isn’t going to happen. Unless your big secret is that you’re secretly a mass murderer, or- or that you’re only dating me to use me for some big master plan—neither of which seem likely explanations for the situation at hand—I’m not going to hate you for telling me. If you don’t want to, I won’t pressure you to, but I don’t want you to not do it because you think I’m going to like you any less for whatever it is. I’ve had a year and a half to pine over you, Jonathan Sims—believe me when I say that I want to be here, with you, more than I’ve wanted a lot of things in my life.”

 Tim really hadn’t meant to say all that, but there it is, and he finds he really doesn’t regret any of it. Well, maybe the pining bit, if only to scrape back together at least a bit of his over-confident and charismatic reputation. Jon’s eyes are wide with shock again, and his mouth opens and closes a few times before he finally says, in a punched-out voice, “A year and a half?”

 Oh. “Ah, yeah,” Tim says sheepishly, rubbing his free hand on the back of his neck. “Didn’t really think I was being all that subtle, but. Yeah.”

 Jon looks scandalized. “Tim, that’s the entire time I’ve been in Research! This whole time, you’ve—”

 He breaks off with a strangled noise, and if Tim squints, he thinks he can see the tips of Jon’s cheeks darkening, though that could just be the flicker of candlelight across his face. “You didn’t say anything,” Jon says finally, after several seconds of silence during which Tim decided to stop pretending like he’d ever been anything other than completely enamored with Jonathan Sims.

 “Sure I did,” Tim says with a shrug and a sliver of a teasing smile. “Three days ago, when I asked you out to dinner. And now, of course, can’t forget that.”

 “Tim!” Jon’s hand retreats from Tim’s and he pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Christ, and I thought six months was a long time.”

 “Six months?” Tim echoes, a wide grin splitting his face in two. “Wait, wait, have you been—”

 “Tim—”

 “—for six months?”

 “Well, it’s better than a year and a half!” Jon snaps, taking his hand away from his nose and shooting Tim a glare that contains about as much heat as a block of ice.

 Tim laughs and reaches for Jon’s hand again; when Jon sighs and allows him to take it, Tim runs a thumb along the back of it, feeling the smooth texture of Jon’s ring as his thumb passes over it. “Mm, perhaps I should have said something sooner,” he relents, his mouth still curved into a smile. “But I didn’t want to mess things up. I like you so fucking much, Jon, and right now, I can hardly think of anything in the world that could change that. All right?”

 Jon’s staring at their hands, his forehead creased with lines of mild irritation. When he says, “All right,” there’s still a touch of petulance to it, but there’s something softer behind it as well. Something warmer.

 “All right,” Tim repeats.

 They talk about everything and nothing as the evening stretches on, and Tim doesn’t mention the ring. He can tell that Jon’s still thinking about it by the way that his hand goes to it every so often, twisting it around his finger as he talks about the proper types of grass for each climate and the fermentation process for the wine they’re drinking and the food safety protocols put in place to ensure that things like insect legs and metal shards don’t end up in their meals.

 (“Ew,” Tim says, spitting his wine back out into his glass and giving Jon a look that he hopes fully communicates his disgust.

 “Sorry,” Jon says with a wince. “Um. But it’s safe? Because of the protocols.”

 Tim is not convinced.)

 Despite all of that, the meal is lovely, and the tingling warmth the wine is sending throughout his body is lovely, and Jon is lovely. Tim can’t stop staring at him—at the few curls that have slipped loose from his braid and that now frame the sides of his face, at the crisp cut of the emerald green suit he’s wearing that Tim had almost made a joking remark about before he realized that he found it really, really hot, at the way that Jon’s nose wrinkles and his hand flies up to cover his lips when he laughs, like his joy is a secret to be kept hidden. Tim has to take another long drink of wine to keep himself from blurting out right then and there that he loves Jon; he doesn’t think that an hour into their first date is quite the right time to lay his entire heart bare.

 They haggle over the check for an embarrassingly long time until Jon finally relents when Tim pulls out the a year and a half is a much longer time than six months, Jon, and also I asked you card. The night is cold and biting when they step out of the warmth of the bistro, and when Jon gives a full-body shiver as they’re walking to the tube station, Tim doesn’t think twice before shrugging off his coat and wrapping it around Jon’s shoulders.

 “Tim, I can’t take this.”

��“Oh? Seems to me like you already have it. Would probably be more trouble to give it back at this point.”

 Jon looks at the ground sullenly, gripping the edges of Tim’s coat with thin-fingered hands and pulling it tightly around him. “Must you always be so- so chivalrous?” Jon mutters, like it’s somehow a crime now to be nice to people.

 “Only on days that end with ‘y,’” Tim quips, and he wraps his arm around Jon’s shoulders. His fingers brush against the ring on Jon’s hand, settling there as they continue on their way.

 Tim doesn’t really live near Jon, but he still walks with Jon to his flat, his left hand at some point having slipped into Jon’s right. The ring cuts gently into the flesh of Tim’s palm as they walk, and Tim wonders if Jon finds the pressure of it between their hands as grounding of a presence as Tim does. Then, they’re at the door to Jon’s flat, and Jon lets his hand slip from Tim’s as he fumbles for his keys, narrowly avoiding dropping Tim’s coat onto the ground as he catches it with one hand and retrieves his keys with the other.

 “I…” Jon hesitates, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, before continuing, “I had a nice time tonight. I… that is to say, if… if you would like to do it again, I… I wouldn’t be opposed.”

 Tim chuckles, a soft, quiet noise, and throws caution to the wind, placing a gentle hand on the side of Jon’s face and feeling the prickle of stubble against his palm. It draws a surprised, breathy noise from Jon’s mouth, and when Jon’s eyes find his, Tim sees in them those same nerves from before, when Tim had finally tripped his way into It looks good on you. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed either,” Tim says with an audible smile in his voice, running a thumb softly over the curve of Jon’s jaw.

 Jon lets out another little noise, and all in a rush, Tim thinks, I want to kiss him.

 So he takes a step closer to Jon, lets his eyes fall to Jon’s lips, and says, “Can I kiss you?”

 The nervousness in Jon’s eyes multiplies tenfold, and in a quiet voice, like he’s admitting to something overwhelmingly tragic, he says, “Is it okay if I say no?”

 Something sharp shoots through Tim’s chest at that, and he only recognizes it as concern after he’s taken a small, shuffling step back in some instinctual effort to give Jon more space. Tim can see a million thoughts flashing across Jon’s face, none of them good, so he says before Jon can think to- to apologize again or something, “Of course it’s okay, Jon.” He hesitates only a moment before allowing himself to give in to the confusion nagging beneath the concern (and ignoring the hurt below that) and saying, “Is… does this have something to do with the ring?”

 Because Tim can put two and two together like any researcher worth his salt. And by the way Jon’s hand instinctively flies to his ring when Tim says it, he knows that he’s right. He just doesn’t know why.

 “I said you wouldn’t like it,” Jon says quietly, and Tim’s heart breaks at the certainty in Jon’s voice. Even though Tim hasn’t said anything yet. Tim gets the horrible, sinking feeling that this has happened before and that whoever had been standing in his shoes then had not been nearly so kind.

 “Jon,” Tim says firmly, his hand dropping from Jon’s face and finding Jon’s hand instead. He tangles their fingers together and squeezes tightly, hoping that the sensation will ground Jon enough that he’ll be able to hear what Tim has to say and that he’ll believe it. “It’s okay. If you don’t want to kiss me, then we don’t have to kiss.” He hesitates, only for a moment, before continuing carefully, “If you don’t want to do… any of that with me, that’s also okay.” He bites back the need to make a joke to dispel the awkwardness and says instead, straightforwardly, “Kissing, sex, all of that—I like them, sure, but I like you more, Jon. So if you don’t want to do any of that, then we don’t have to, okay?”

 Jon’s hand is stiff in Tim’s, but his eyes when they meet Tim’s are wide and watery and full of a raw uncertainty, like he thinks that any moment Tim will admit that it’s all too much, that Jon isn’t enough, that it just isn’t working out. Whatever he sees reflected back in Tim’s eyes, however, is enough to cut through that uncertainty and leave behind something cautiously hopeful. “You… you really mean that,” Jon says, a strange sort of wonder in his voice, like a child staring up at a truly clear sky for the first time and witnessing the full scope of the stars above.

 “I do,” Tim says resolutely, leaving absolutely no room for misunderstanding.

 Jon looks down at where their hands are joined and says, quietly, “Okay.”

 That same rushing, swelling feeling overtakes Tim in a tidal wave of affection, and he says, “Are hugs okay?”

 Jon lets out a little huff. “Yes, Tim, of course hugs are—”

 His sentence ends in a punched-out noise as Tim wraps him tightly in a hug, feeling Jon’s hair tickle the side of his neck and the rapid-fire hummingbird beating of Jon’s heart against his chest. “Good,” Tim says into Jon’s hair. He takes a chance and presses his lips to the crown of Jon’s head; from the way that Jon shivers and presses himself closer into Tim’s embrace, it was the correct choice. So he does it again, holding Jon close and trying to communicate with the press of his arms and the pressure of his lips against Jon’s hair just how much he wants this. How much he wants Jon.

 “I really should get inside,” Jon says finally, his voice slightly muffled from where his face is buried in the fabric of Tim’s shirt. “It’s gotten to be quite late.”

 “Mm, just give me a sec,” Tim mumbles into Jon’s hair, holding him a bit tighter to accentuate his point.

 Jon’s laugh is light and breathy, rumbling against Tim’s chest like the purring of a cat. “Okay,” he says, his smile hidden by Tim’s shoulder. “Okay.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

oh no, i think i’m catching feelings ~ harry styles x louis tomlinson

 word count: 1254

request?: yes!

“Hey, this is kind of a weirdly specific request and I've been looking for something like this for so long but I don't think it exists. 😭

I want a fic where the mc is aromantic but not asexual! And the other mc falls in love with them. They could have a fwb thing. It would have to be a bad ending as they wouldn't end up together. I just want the angst lmao.

I don't really care about the character or the genders. But maybe you could do Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson? With Louis as the aromantic character.”

description: in which one of them catches feelings for the other, but the other has no desire for a romantic relationship with anyone

pairing: harry styles x louis tomlinson

warnings: swearing, mentions of smut, angst

masterlist (one, two)

Louis was up before Harry had even finished riding out his high. The younger man was breathing heavily and running a hand through his sweaty curls, still seeing stars from his hard orgasm.

Louis was grabbing a wet cloth for the two of them to clean up with. Harry gazed up at him, taking in his beautiful, sweat glistened body. He hoped his heart wasn’t beating so loud that Louis could hear it and give him away.

He snapped out of his daze when he felt a wet cloth hitting his face. Louis was snickering to himself.

“How kind of you,” Harry said, sarcastically.

“Be lucky I’m giving you a cloth to clean at all,” Louis responded, a smirk playing on his lips.

Harry cleaned himself off and sat up. Louis was pulling on his clothes already.

“Why don’t you stay a while?” Harry asked him, hoping he didn’t sound desperate.

“What did you have in mind?” Louis asked.

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know. We could just hang out in bed. You could spend the night.”

Louis sighed. “H, you know that’s not how this works.”

“That’s not a relationship thing, Lou,” Harry argued. “I don’t understand why you can’t spend the night, just once.”

“You know why, Harry.”

Louis had tried to be in a relationship so many times, with men and women. He always thought he just had trouble finding “the one”, until he realized he just didn’t have any romantic feelings for anyone, period. He was aromantic.

But he wasn’t asexual. Actually, he still had a strong sexual desire and sex drive. Unsurprisingly, it was nearly impossible to find someone who wanted a sexual relationship but not a romantic one.

And then, there was Harry.

They were bandmates, but more importantly, they were best friends. They saw each other every day. They talked constantly about just about everything. They had a close bond, which meant it was no surprise when they hooked up one night and decided to make it a regular thing; a no strings attached relationship that they kept on the downlow.

But Harry was far from aromantic. He was something of a hopeless romantic, having also gone on plenty of dates with men and women in hopes of finding someone he truly loved. Unfortunately for him, this meant that the strings became attached for him, no matter how hard he tried to make sure they didn’t.

“I just want you to stay,” Harry said, the desperation finally seeping into his voice. “We used to stay in each other’s rooms all the time.”

“This is different.”

“No it’s not!” Harry’s frustration was starting to bubble over and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. “You keep saying that, but the only thing that’s changed is that we’re having sex. That doesn’t inherently mean everything that we used to do is suddenly romantic.”

Louis sighed. He started for the door and Harry quickly got up from the bed.

“Lou? Lou, I’m sorry. I just want things to be how they used to be with us.”

Louis paused to look back at Harry. His heart ached for the younger man stood before him; stark naked and desperation etched on his face.

Louis put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face. “H, you deserve someone who can actually have romantic feelings for you. I know this will hurt, but I didn’t want this to happen and I don’t want to take it any further and have you get more hurt.”

“Wait, Lou, no,” Harry begged. “I don’t have feelings, I swear. Please.”

Louis left, trying to block out Harry’s begging as he slipped through the door. Once it was just him, Harry fell to his knees and began to sob into his hands.

~~~~~~

Weeks passed and there was a noticeable tension between Harry and Louis. Their joking and playful tendencies had become ridged and serious. Fans pointed out the drastic switch, but neither men were about to reveal the truth to the public.

Harry tried too hard to seem like he was okay. Louis could see right through his façade, but Harry was too stubborn to break. He didn’t want to give Louis the satisfaction to know that his concerns regarding their friends with benefits situation were right.

A month after their “break up”, Harry arrived to a band party with a girl on his arm. All four of his bandmates, Louis included, were shocked at the sight.

“Lads,” he said as he approached them, “meet Tessa. She and I have been seeing each other for a while, and I figured it was time she met my best mates.”

“I feel like I’m in a dream or something,” Tessa said. “I can’t believe I’m meeting the One Direction!”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Tessa,” Liam said. “Anyone who puts a smile on Harry’s face is definitely a friend of ours.”

Louis plastered a smile on his face as he shook Tessa’s hand.”

The two supposed lovebirds stuck to each other’s side basically the entire night. Harry would have his arm around Tessa’s waist or she’d have her arms around his neck and her body pressed as closely to his as she could physically get. Anyone within viewing distance of them could see her beaming with pride at being Harry Styles’ arm candy. The only time Louis had a moment to talk to Harry was when the latter managed to pry himself away from Tessa in order to get them both refills on their drinks.

“If you’re using this poor girl as an attempt to get over me, or an even more useless attempt to make me jealous, you should stop. That’s not fair to her.”

“You think awfully high of yourself, Lou,” Harry muttered. “Not that I need to prove or defend myself to you, but I genuinely like Tessa. We have a great time together! I think she may be that person you said I deserved.”

“Then why do you refuse to kiss her?”

Harry hesitated, the bottle he was holding to pour his drink frozen in midair. Louis raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for a response.

“I’ve kissed her,” he finally said, unconvincingly.

“Really? Because every time she tries to kiss you, you turn your head so she kisses your cheek and not your lips. You even moved so she’d kiss your chin at one point. And you don’t try to initiate a kiss with her, either. It’s always her initiating them with you.”

Harry pot down both glasses and turned to Louis, his annoyance rising.

“It’s none of your business, Lou. You’re the one who ended things with me, remember?”

Louis scoffed. “You really don’t get it, do you? I’m not jealous, Harry. I don’t have romantic feelings for you. I don’t feel romantic feelings for anyone. This isn’t a personal vendetta against you or some bullshit. I just don’t want this girl getting hurt because of your unrequited crush.”

His words cut Harry deeper than he wanted. Tears were welling up in his eyes that he couldn’t stop. Louis felt bad. He didn’t mean to be so harsh. He loved Harry like a brother, but he knew this was what Harry needed to hear, whether he liked it or not.

Harry finally dared to look at Louis, hissing a low “Fuck you” before walking away.

Louis watched as harry took Tessa’s arm and led her out of the party. Louis sighed, raising his drink to his lips before going back to the party.