#mind you ‚ without ever actually checking up if what they’re selling as authentic is even based on reality

[random-fandom-ramble]

I hear what you are saying, but let me raise you:

White kid who just found out their great grandfather was Italian.

Obsessed with the DC tourist asking for clubs with a “no ugly people allowed” policy that plays house

Is this person NYC or LA? Place your bets

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Goddamn it Kyra I wasn't even interested in the Lego Lokis before, but now that you've so rudely posted pics of the options I'm probably going to have to buy some. So, couple questions: I'm not familiar with the website you linked to (it doesn't help that I'm on my phone lol) - do you get them from that site or just Aliexpress? I've kind of poked around there but I don't think I've ever actually bought anything - do you have links to those ones you bought or any tips for finding them on the site? (or like. using the site in general without getting scammed or something? Idk much about it other than stuff being low priced lol).

😇😇😇

putting the rest behind a cut because oops this got long

OKAY SO the cool thing about knockoff Lego figures is that a) there are a ton of them, so you can probably find multiple versions of most characters, and b) they're super cheap, so if you do end up getting ripped off, you're probably only out a few bucks. plus if you don't get ripped off, you feel like a genius, because authentic Lego minifigs tend to cost way more than they should (and if you get them online, you probably don't have a good way to know that they're authentic) and here you are getting something just as good or better for way less.

the site I was getting pictures from is HeroBloks, which I only just discovered myself a couple days ago; it looks like mostly it's good for tracking your collection (and learning more about bootleg Lego minifigs in general, maybe--I didn't really realize until now how many different companies there are making Lego-like minifigs) rather than buying, with individual pages including sale links that are only mildly useful. like, the extremely sad TVA Loki has an AliExpress search link that apparently just searches for "blocks," which is the least helpful search term imaginable; the eBay link uses "xinh+xh1745+loki (tva)" as the search term and that's definitely better, although it doesn't actually turn up anything. maybe that one's too new to be widely available yet, I don't know. (I hope that's the case. I need him and his sad little face to come and live with me.)

anyway--eBay is a possible source. searching for "loki minifigure" gets me results for several of the new ones I’ve been seeing, and they all seem to be shipping from Japan or South Korea. the problem is they're all selling for $4.99 plus $7.49 shipping each, which is...more than I want to spend on something I know is a knockoff of some kind when I don't know anything about the quality control and I'm not guaranteed to get what's in the picture. (here's another listing asking $40 total for all 8 figures I bought yesterday, which is actually a better price, and I'd probably end up doing that if I hadn't found them elsewhere, but that's because I have a problem.)

this is why I like AliExpress, because the risks are slightly higher but the prices tend to be much lower, even with shipping prices having gone up a bit over the last couple years. as I understand it, the site is basically just a huge marketplace for tons of different sellers in Asia, like if eBay only allowed fixed-price listings and it was based in China. the vast majority of the site reads like it went through Google Translate, because it probably did. you can find...basically anything there. I have no idea if any of it's authentic. (I also don't know anything about how or where any of the knockoff stuff is made, so...there is that.) I would not, for instance, drop $300 on a Hot Toys Loki from here, even though I absolutely would have the option to do so, for the obvious reason that I'm not going to risk that much money on an item that might be a cheap knockoff or could arrive broken. there is, in general, a solid possibility of breakable things arriving broken, because decent packaging costs more. cheap shipping will be slow (by which I mean like...up to 90 days), and most purchases either won't have tracking at all or won't have accurate tracking, so this is absolutely not a place to buy anything you want to get quickly. you also don't want to just buy something and forget about it, because there are (variable but generous) time limits past which you can't get a refund if you don't receive your items. the site's UI is...mostly functional. you often have to get a little creative with your search terms to find what you want (and sometimes you won’t find what you want through searching, but through looking at related items on the pages of things that aren’t quite what you want or are what you want but aren’t a good price). you will, absolutely, come across a lot of stolen art on things like pins, t-shirts, stickers, and phone cases, which you might not realize until you see something you recognize from a fanartist you like, and obviously that sucks. listing photos are nearly always stock photos, so in many cases they won't tell you anything about the item you're actually getting. you know the Wish app, and all the crazy things people get from that? you can find all the same stuff on AliExpress, at similar levels of quality.

however, if you approach it keeping all that in mind, it can be a great resource. I can't make any guarantees about the site's safety, but to the best of my knowledge it's secure and I've never had any weird charges show up after buying something. it's also my understanding that Alibaba, the parent company, is more or less the Chinese equivalent of Amazon in terms of the amount of business it does, which would probably be pretty tough if customer data were routinely being exposed to thieves, you know? I've also successfully gotten several refunds for items that never arrived, which actually hasn't happened all that often--but knowing that it can happen and that the return period expires, I’ll check back on the site if it seems like it’s been an unusually long time and I’ll make a reminder for myself of the deadline so I can contact the seller in time if necessary.

so the way I shop there is, I don't buy expensive or fragile things in general, because I recognize there's a nonzero chance I'll get a cheap knockoff, or something that was broken in transit because the seller tossed it in a box with no padding and called it good, or sometimes nothing at all. but like eBay, the sellers and items have ratings and reviews from customers, so that helps avoid some risk. items with lots of reviews tend to include at least a few customer photos, which are great for getting a better idea of what the thing you're buying actually looks like. I took a bit of a risk last year buying a Hot Toys (or the equivalent, I actually have no idea) Steve Rogers head for about $20, for instance, but I wasn't super worried about it because the customer photos looked good, the seller I used had a lot of sales and a lot of good ratings, and it was still a lot less than I would've paid for an authentic Hot Toys Steve Rogers head--and in fact he got here just fine and he looked fantastic. I also spent about $20 for a knockoff Iron Studios Loki statue, because in that case it was like...yep I’d love the real thing, nope I’m not willing to spend hundreds of dollars on it, yep I am willing to spend $20 on something that doesn’t look quite as nice but still looks good enough for me in the customer photos. well, and I’ve also bought knockoffs I knew would look bad, because they were cheap and I want all the Lokis and I have enough of an addiction that all the Lokis does in fact sometimes mean “even ones that look really bad” to me.

anyway, uh, Lego-type minifigs. this is an especially good area to go knockoff, because--okay, apparently I can’t link to a page of HeroBloks search results for some reason, but it’s the best resource I’ve found for this type of thing that isn’t just authentic Lego figures. but if you go there and do a search for “loki” you’ll get a bunch of results and you’ll see that they come from like...9 or 10 different brands. Lego specifically has only four Loki options: Avengers Loki in black, Avengers Loki in gray for some reason (which, frankly, looks like a cheap knockoff but isn’t), movie-inaccurate Ragnarok Loki with the blue outfit and the full helmet, an ugly Classic Loki, and a mostly green Loki from I guess the first Thor movie (and then I think they’re going to release a TVA Loki, a Sylvie, and a Throg). all those other results--all those different outfits from every single Loki appearance, and different variations on those outfits, nearly all of them more screen-accurate and/or detailed than the Lego versions--are technically knockoffs. they’re better and you can buy them for way less. (I mean, a lot of them are new so I don’t have them yet, but I do have frost giant Loki, better Ragnarok Loki, better Avengers Loki, opera Loki who actually has another face that’s half-Jotun, and at least one chrome-helmet option, and they all look basically like the photos. so I think I can reasonably expect most of the new ones to look basically like their photos too.) 

for reasons that I don’t understand aside from a vague guess that it’s copyright-related, AliExpress pretty much no longer shows full pictures of Lego-type figures in their listings--instead, you have to pick just based on the heads. this is a problem when lots of heads look very similar to each other! luckily, the listings also typically have the actual serial numbers for each figure, as do the HeroBloks listings, so you can cross-reference them to see what you’re really getting. for instance let’s take this listing because it’s cheap and it offers most of the Loki figures that are currently available. say you’re interested in one of the horn-less Lokis. there are...let’s see, five of them, but you have no idea what they actually look like aside from slightly different facial expressions and maybe weapons. however, the first one listed says XH1359 for its color...and what do you know, 1359 is the serial number for this Loki by a company called Xinh. okay cool, how about the last one? the “color” is listed as WM2182--and yes, HeroBloks has a listing for a Ragnarok Loki from World Minifigures with the serial number 2182. (I just ordered all 8 of the new World Minifigures ones yesterday, so again, I can’t personally guarantee yet that they’ll look as good in person as in the pictures--but I think they probably will, and more importantly they cost a whole dollar each.) and if HeroBloks doesn’t have a particular figure, you can probably find something useful just by googling the serial number.

I specifically bought from this listing yesterday because they currently have a bit of a sale going and a deal for free shipping if you buy 10 figures, and I wanted a couple duplicates, so it worked out to be the cheapest option. the same store has another listing for a bunch more Marvel characters, including a couple more Lokis I already had, so it should be pretty easy to get the free shipping so the figures are less than a dollar each and you’re only risking about $10. if you’d rather try one or two and see how it goes, it looks like this listing is probably the cheapest, with figures currently going for a little over a dollar each once you add shipping (although it’s totally possible shipping is more for me because Alaska).

that’s...probably already way more information than you really wanted, but I hope at least some of it makes sense. feel free to ask other specific questions if they come up--I might not be able to give answers exactly, but I can probably tell you what my experience has been, which is better than nothing.

[mgkconfessions]

Fan pages needs to stop posting those pics as couple goals and omg look they are so cute and only posting the pics from the side or the back. Colson straight up looks miserable, there is literally no denying that, I love him but he looks horrible. People are saying that’s what we are jelouse of?? I mean if he looked like that from far away image how bad he looked from up close. Someone said what if he’s looking miserable on purpose? Then that would make absolute no sense. Articles saying they want to blend families and are they the happiest people ever, public pda, constant date pap walks, then even marriage talk and then the only time they do a family pap walk Colson looks absolutely miserable. And notice Megan made a big deal on the kelly clarkson show about wanting to go back to the universal and how good of a mom she is and then boom that weekend she does a pap walk with her kids and Colson at universal? It’s not a coincidence. Every little thing in this relationship is so staged it can’t even go to the next level the right way. For example the article about Colson wanting to marry Megan as soon as possible, what if Colson and Megan never actually had that talk and their teams just said that to get attention and now it adds unnecessary pressure especially on Colson about marriage, Colson being the happiest he has ever been when in fact he has said several times he isint happy at all and now it’s unnecessary pressure to act like the happy couple for everyone like this whole thing neither of them could actually move to the next stage in the relationship bc the only next stage now is actual marriage and their teams made sure that was the only move they could do. I mean several articles saying how good Colson is with Megan’s kids but we are just now starting to see him around her kids and notice casie is never with them? Casie has been papped with her dad several times just out getting food so why hasint she been papped out getting food with Colson and Megan at least doesint even have to be with her kids just with Megan too? The only time we see her with Megan is when several people are with them and they arint ever interacting

When Megan announced on the Kelly Clarkson show how she couldn’t wait to go to Universal studios with her kids (to present herself as a caring mum) and followed that up by actually going there with them and Kells a couple of days later, I already took it as a pre-planned afternoon for publicity. But I wasn’t expecting her to seriously also hire a paparazzi to really make sure that the public knew where she was and with who lmao! But thanks for the confirmation that this was just another publicity day! This isn’t convincing anyone of being a caring and loving mum tho, because if she had cared about her children and put their well being and privacy first, above her ego and need for attention, she wouldn’t have invited a paparazzi to their family day and made her kids go through that experience in the first place. Although she has already done that multiple times in the past when she ran some errands with them and therefore they might already be used to it, it doesn’t make it any less wrong. Her priority and main focus wasn’t on spending a nice afternoon with her kids and Kells, it was on proving to the public what an amazing blended family they are and how she’s definitely involved as a mum despite people saying something differently. It was literally a business day for her in the name of damage control. At least the kids looked like they had fun tho and since they’re still little I doubt they understand what’s going on and what mommy is using them for. Maybe if she hadn’t talked about it on the Kelly Clarkson show it would have been less obvious, but now she only exposed her own intentions even more. She definitely isn’t winning any plus points by acting like that and how stupid of her to previously complain about Brian using the kids and their photos to appear like a dotting dad, to only do the exact same thing by hiring a paparazzi to a “private” family day with her kids and allowing the tabloids to release pictures of them to appear like a dotting mum so she can get her headline. She isn’t an ounce better than Brian. I guess desperate times call for desperate actions! Megan probably thought that this was the best way to prove people wrong and show them how amazing they all get along, but all she did was prove them what a clout chaser she is and how even Kells seems to be done with playing happy patchwork family with her. He looked so pissed in some pictures and annoyed, I fully believe that he didn’t want to be there at all. He looked like someone gave him a job, he showed up, followed the stage directions (holding kids hands, holding Megan’s hand, let yourself be photographed) to sell the public the narrative that Megan wanted, but that was all that he was willing to do. He literally looked like he couldn’t believe that he had to do this again with Megan and that she again called the paparazzi and he as her official boyfriend had to play happy family again with her. He would never be mean to her kids or ignore them, but he still seemed mentally and emotional checked out that day and like he couldn’t have cared less about trying to appear involved and interested in any of it (see even picture below). He looks more tired and drained than ever and I can’t imagine that with every staged paparazzi moment Megan organizes he isn’t losing a bit of respecting for her too. While Megan seems to love all of this and she’s only starting, Kells seems like he’s ready to end it all, because he can’t do it anymore. I’m telling you this relationship is dead and over and the only reason why they’re still “together” is because of publicity that both of them can use and because they’re dragging out the inevitable break up that is coming. I haven’t posted about it yet, but some of you might have seen that psychic tarot reading from antphrodite about them and he’s one of the few who I actually consider to be pretty accurate and in his reading he said that Megan is acting like she doesn’t want to settle down like Kells, who still wants to have his fun, although that isn’t true and she does want to settle down. Now look at the pictures from

yesterday and doesn’t that give you the same impression? Megan trying hard to turn Kells into a stepdad of three and almost forcing that family thing on him (like all the sources talking about how Kells couldn’t wait to marry her and for Megan to have his babies every single month which I still believe came from Megan’s team to push that narrative to the public and ease Kells into the idea of proposing to her) while Kells looks like reality hit him now and he absolutely isn’t ready to becoming one big family with Megan and her three little children and the more this is pushed onto him, the more he just wants to get away from it. He did look horrible and miserable and almost every comment under the DailyMail article had the same thought that he’s only interested in fucking dating Megan, but he isn’t ready to sign up for her children and that family life too. Speaking of DailyMail, did anyone else notice that although this was clearly Megan’s publicity move for damage control, the headline focused for once on Kells and mentioned him first and made it seem like he was the main person when usually it’s always Megan who is mentioned first? :D I take that as a failed attempt to make it less obvious that this was Megan’s publicity plan by taking away the attention from her being the driving force behind this. Like the first anon above wrote everything they do is so pre-planned, staged and orchestrated, their relationship looks more like a business following a check list with things couples do than a real relationship that focuses on real experiences and emotions. For the anon who is confused, yes even PR couples would include children, get married and introduce the rest of the family. I know it’s mind blowing because of how fake it is but that’s also why Hollywood is super fake and there aren’t a lot of real and authentic people anymore. I’m going back and forth between fully PR and real, but immediately used and sold for publicity and exposure to benefit their careers a week before the BV music video came out and that was like a month or two after they had met each other, so not a lot of time to build anything real between them without the aspect of publicity, especially since during half of that time Sommer was still in the picture. So almost since the very beginning their whole relationship was sold out and they orchestrated the shit out of them. All their love declarations, their lovey-dovey behaviour, what they do, how they present themselves, what they’re involved in, all that stuff was always done with the main intention to sell the public a fantasy love story that they would get invested in with agents, management and pr teams behind them and their relationship enabling and planing with them together. I don’t believe that everything only comes from their teams and is forced onto them, they surely also make their own decisions when they want to use their relationship for promotion and publicity, but like the anon above said when others or yourself immediately force happiness and a big love story on you although you haven’t even reached that stage in your life or relationship yet (that includes Megan calling him her twin flame right from the start too and Kells emotions being forced to reach that level of intensity then as well instead of allowing them to grow there), then it only adds pressure to make up for what doesn’t exist and suddenly you’re faking your own relationship although you actually are in a relationship and everything you do becomes more about how that appears in the public and what they think about you as a couple. You will be more busy with pretending to be an amazing couple than spending time on being one. I hope you understand what I mean, because that’s how I see them. But in reality their relationship seems to be shattered, lots of insecurities, jealousy, arguments and simply over although they’re still together and put on an act with their on stage kisses, matching nails and Megan following him everywhere he goes. In the context of it all, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning anymore.

P.S.: their trip was on Saturday, Mother’s Day was on Sunday for anyone who is still confused about that.

[rangoatemybabynsfw]

Rock artist and sever klance ! Kieth can be this big rockstar who just wants some piece and quiet after a performing at a huge venue so he escapes to a run down diner. There he meets this cute af sever called lance and they y’all about life and music and end up hooking up in lance’s car !

Haha, I like the image this evokes. But I’ma go soft with this one and save the NSFW stuff for another time ;) [LONG READ]

The concert is over but Keith’s ears are still ringing, not from the music but the crowds. This venue was huge, bigger than any he’d done before. And he had a backstage meet and greet with some of the backstage pass people afterward. He keeps up the facade of badass punk rocker to help sell his image. Takes dozens of selfies with his fans. But before long he’s exhausted and not just emotionally.

He wants to get out of there before another fan sees him. Keith gets to his dressing room and changes clothes. Or rather he just pulls on a hoodie over his leather jacket. Then tucks his loose locks of hair under a ball cap. It’s funny how much that fools people, including the bodyguards assigned to him. He slips out the back (making sure to tell his agent he’s going out to get a bite to eat and some goddamn peace and quiet) and hops onto his motorcycle to take off.

He sees a cheap dinner and decides it’s perfect. No one would ever expect him there since most think him the seedy bar type. It’s unlikely any fan of his will be here. So he parks his bike and heads on inside.

The sign says to ‘seat yourself and a server will be with you’. Keith takes a seat in an empty booth and tosses off his hat and hoodie, ruffling his hair before browsing the menu. Reuben sandwich with fries and a drink. Ask the server for the soup of the day and we’ll substitute it for your fries. And milkshakes too, five different flavors. Sounds good to him.

“You in the right place, buddy?” the server asks and Keith looks up from the menu.

Handsome guy. Tan and slender with a black apron tied around his waist. He’s got a pen behind his ear and a pad of paper in the front pocket of his apron. Keith stares for second before reading the name card. Lance.

“Right place?” Keith asks with a little worry. Does this guy recognize him?

“You look like you belong at the Hard Rock Cafe down the street,” Lance smirks. “But hey, maybe you like 50s jukebox music.”

“It’s alright,” Keith says, relaxing a little in his seat. There’s no recognition in Lance’s eyes.  “Nothing wrong with the classics.”

“Ha, you only say that because you don’t have to listen to it every day,” Lance snorts then pulls the pen and pad from their respective places. “I’d shoot that jukebox if I had a gun. What’ll it be, biker boy?”

A nickname already? He…kinda likes it. It’s better than being referred to by his stage name.

“Cheeseburger, well-done with extra onions. Soup of the day instead of fries. And a vanilla milkshake with chocolate syrup and cherries,” Keith lists off, wondering if it’ll be enough to fill him up.

“Got it,” Lance nods and calls out over his shoulder. “A hockey puck and make it cry! Soup of the day! And a vanilla milkshake with a hot top and maiden’s delight!”

The person in the kitchen confirms the wacky sounding order. Keith thinks Lance will head to the kitchen but instead he takes a seat in Keith’s booth with a sigh.

“It’s so dead around here tonight,” Lance frowns. “Boss said there was a rock concert not far from here. Said there’d be extra customers looking for a place to eat but…guess it’s too far from the venue. No one’s showed up and now I’m working a shift without tips.”

“Sounds rough,” Keith tells him and leans leisurely back in his seat.

“Mind if I chew your ear for a while? ” Lance sighs.  “I’m bored as hell and you at least look interesting to talk to.”

“Sure,” Keith manages a small smile. “I could use some good company.”

They talk for a while. Even after food has been brought out. They talk about movies and music. Keith finds that he likes the way Lance lights up as he talks. He’s genuine and kind and he isn’t fawning over Keith just because he’s famous.

Lance isn’t up to date on current rock music trends. Doesn’t even know who the big players are since all he listens to is pop. He asks Keith about the concert and if it was any good. Keith just shakes his head with a smile.

“It’s the same as every concert he’s done in the last three years,” Keith shrugs. “Big. Loud. Fake.”

“Fake?” Lance raises a brow.

“He used to be good. It used to be about the music. But now it’s…about staying at the top of the charts,” Keith frowns. “He used to do venues with barely a hundred people in them just because he loved music. Back then it was authentic. Real.”

“But now?”

“Now he just…wears what he’s told. Sings what he’s told. Acts how he’s told. And goes where he’s told. Venues with thousands of obsessed screaming fans that don’t know a thing about him beyond the clothes he wears and the pandering songs he sings now,” Keith sighs and sips the last of his milkshake. “All for money and a fame he thought he wanted. Hell, he has to hide his face just to go and get coffee now. Not worth it.”

“Sounds like you’ve been a fan since before he was famous,” Lance says.

“I’ve known him all my life,” Keith says cryptically. “And right now…he’s not that great.”

The door to the diner opens and half a dozen people walk in. They say the diner looks pretty cheap and after all the money they spent on merch, this looks like the place to eat. Keith barely gets a look at them and he knows where they came from. His concert. He raises a hand to hide his face and discretely looks away. Then he clears his throat.

“Could I…get the check?” Keith mumbles.

“Sure, just a sec,” Lance nods and goes to greet the new customers. “Welcome to Sal’s–”

His sentence cuts short when he sees the face printed on the guy’s tee-shirt. It looks just like his mysterious biker customer. Within seconds he’s put two and two together. He looks back at Keith’s booth and he’s already pulled on his hat and hoodie, keeping his hand up to block his face.

Lance apologizes to the customers saying that they’re actually closing up now but the cafe down the street should still be open. They complain about the hours not being posted correctly but they leave. As soon as they do Lance subtly flips the sign to CLOSED.  Technically it’s not supposed to close for another two hours but…Lance darts his eyes to Keith and gives the back of his head a small smile.

Keith didn’t flaunt his fame. He hid who he was so he could have a normal conversation for once. And while Keith being seen at their diner would be a boom for business…he’d rather protect Keith’s anonymity out of respect.

He returns to the booth with Keith’s check. He’s sure Keith wouldn’t want him to treat him differently so he doesn’t. He’s just a guy after all. A hot guy who just happens to be famous. Keith pays in cash and leaves a huge tip showing that he’s not only humble but generous too.

“Thanks for the company. And the conversation,” Keith tells him, adjusting his hat to tuck away his wild hair. “I uh, don’t get the chance to do stuff like this often. Because I travel a lot. So thanks again.”

“Sure,” Lance smirks. “Call me,” he adds, pointing down at Keith’s receipt. It has a phone number. “Anytime. I can talk for hours, trust me.”

“Yeah? Okay…sure,” Keith sort of smiles with a shrug. “I’m…busy a lot but I’ll do that. Thanks Lance.”

“And if you’re ever in town again for one of your concerts, look me up,” Lance winks. “I know all the best places in town. Perfect for getting away from all your crazy fans,” he adds and Keith snorts out a short laugh.

“Ha, yeah I–”

Keith blinks with realization. Lance said ‘your crazy fans’. So Lance knows who he is now, probably thanks to those fans. But he’s not treating him any different. That makes him smile for real. And now he doesn’t want to leave this charming server in this dinky diner.

He pockets the receipt and rubs the back of his neck, like he has something to say but he’s nervous. A world famous rockstar nervous in talking to some diner waiter. Lance could laugh if it weren’t so cute and endearing.

“What time do you clock out?” Keith asks, a blush starting to color his cheeks. “I won’t be back this way for a while so if you want…we could get away tonight.”

Lance grins at that and calls out over his shoulder, “I’m out of here Sal! Good luck closing up shop!”

Lance doesn’t even wait for Sal to respond before throwing off his apron. He grabs Keith by the hand and the two of them run out of the diner. The yanking actually knocks the ball cap from his head but he doesn’t seem to care. Keith tugs Lance over to his motorcycle and passes him his helmet before hurriedly gesturing him to get on. Someone on the street points with gasp the moment Lance takes his seat behind Keith.

“It’s him! That’s Thunderstorm!”

“No way!”

“Oh MY GOD! It is!” shrieks another. “Thunderstorm Darkness! Hey!”

“Who’s that with him? Another singer??”

“Can I get a picture? I went to your concert!!”

Keith’s glad that Lance is wearing the helmet. Means it’s not likely they’ll know who he is and won’t go looking for him to find out about Keith. The last thing he wants is to cause trouble for his new…friend. He then revs his engine and looks over his shoulder as the fans start to approach with their camera phones.

“Ready to get out of here?” he asks Lance.

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

They peel out of the diner and take off down the street,  both of them laughing as they leave screaming fans behind.

(I might write more but this is hella long already haha.)

[jamesmarlowe]

『ANTON THIEMKE ❙ CIS-MALE』 ⟿ looks like JAMES MARLOWE is here for HIS SENIOR year as a FINE ARTS student. He is 21 years old & known to be CLEVER, INVENTIVE, UNRELIABLE & EGOTISTICAL. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ SLOTH. 25. EST. SHE/HER.

hi hello welcome 2 my twisted mind ☺️ marlowe is a character i’m still fine-tuning bc he’s brand-new, so this is unfortunately.... a bit of a mess.... and mostly made up on the spot.... c’est la vie!!

(a late addition but u can also peep his weheartit collection here 4 some vibes)

his government name is james marlowe but he only goes by marlowe & only introduces himself as marlowe like he’s madonna or sting....  most ppl who know him (apart from like close friends) probably don’t even know what his first name is. maybe he doesn’t have one!

hails from Appalachia, specifically a trailer park in a poor-as-dirt stretch of Virginia where he was born n raised, baby. he’s Appalachian white trash and not afraid to admit it. marlowe’s very casual about his upbringing and his dumpster fire of a family (no less than three relatives are currently incarcerated, one of which is his older brother who’s probably serving a minor sentence for whatever dumb shit Tim Riggins got got for in FNL or like, selling illegal fireworks out of his trunk :/ ). the only thing he’s a little self-conscious about is his twang which he’s mostly suppressed by now, but other than that, he’s got no shame in where he comes from bc lbr no authentic artist ever came from money anyway!

born sandwiched in the middle of five siblings, marlowe’s always been wild and creative and impulsive, a loud-mouthed kid with too much to say for his own good, prone 2 getting in trouble but learning absolutely nothing from it. it was his mission in life to be Different from all the other kids who grew up where he grew up, with the way he talked, dressed, acted, because he knew that he was destined for bigger n better things so it was just a matter of getting other ppl to believe it, & then seeing how far a little talent and a lot of charisma would take him >:)

from age 8 onwards, he told people he was an “artist” and that became his primary identity. when he was 16 he completed an independent sculpture project (called “Skyscraper”) where he constructed a 20-foot tower made out of junk collected from around the trailer park and then glued Barbies n other dolls all clawing over each other to get to the top, smack dab in the middle of Main Street and refused to take it down even when the local fire department showed up 2 threaten him with fines. it did eventually get taken down bc it was ‘structurally unsound’ and someone nearly got concussed by a falling mannequin head, but at least it got some attention from local newspapers and w/ that as the crown jewel in his portfolio, marlowe got into a few different art/liberal arts schools the following year. radcliffe was the only one who offered a partial scholarship and the east coast sounded nice n far from home, so anyways lets go ✈️ college 

FAST FORWARD its senior year babey and marlowe’s been making the most of his time here at radcliffe. he’s a fine arts major but specializes in mixed media sculptures (and probably is really shit at most of his other classes, like art theory where u actually have to read textbooks? still life drawing? boring. yawn. won’t do it.) his entire profile as an artist i’m cribbing from Rachel Harrison bc I saw her exhibition at the whitney a little while ago and her sculptures made me go ?????¿¿¿¿¿ which i think is exactly the kind of bizarre nonsense that marlowe is going for with his “art”. feast your eyes on these masterpieces. the joke of it all is that marlowe is the first to admit that his art isn’t like.... good. but his philosophy is that if people respond to it & praise it like it’s art, then by definition, it’s art. and if it gets him places (like it got him onto Cultured Magazine’s “30 Young Artists To Watch This Decade″ list), then yeehaw!

When he’s not busy creating new monstrosities, marlowe takes one fat nap per day (usually at a time when he has class) and is otherwise a very social creature who needs constant attention. he’s got a lot of friends and is always looking to make more, not in a #fake way but just as a person who genuinely likes being around people. he very quickly gets bored if left on his own, so he’s prone to following people around campus like a stray cat regardless of whether or not they tell him to shoo. he dorms at Noland but is almost always found in other houses, often crashing in other people’s rooms (needs to be close to his friends or He’ll Die), and he definitely frequents parties, bc marlowe never passes up an opportunity to drink other people’s booze and get a lil messy and Chaotic. he’s [jim halpert voice] not a slut, but who knows? he’s kinda a slut! he’s also definitely pulled another stunt similar to Skyscraper by taking over the quad for a guerrilla art installation with his sculptures (and without the school’s permission oops) which may be the basis for some connections if ppl know him from that particular exploit!!

in summary..... marlowe can be a bit up his own ass at times, but being around him is generally a Good Time bc he’s easy-going and friendly and always down for anything, always. litcherally zero impulse control so nothing gets in the way of a dumb idea that might potentially make for a good story. perhaps he’s not the most reliable person, so don’t expect a prompt text back if ur in a life or death situation, and he doesn’t care very much about anything, so ur setting urself up for disappointment if you do expect him to care about something (the fact that he’s never been in a long-term relationship... very telling). all he wants to do is just have! fun all the time! he’s trying to scam his way into the American Dream with his dumb art, so that he can live a good life and maybe get rich and famous and eventually party at Art Basel in Miami with Frank Ocean! is that really so much to ask!

appearance: marlowe’s very vain and a lot of thought goes into his appearance even when (especially when) it doesn’t look like he’s done anything but roll straight out of bed. all of his outfits are as outrageous as his sculptures are ugly. think mismatched prints and loud colors, silk shirts gaping open like he got tired after the first three buttons, a pawn’s shop worth of jewelry, weird dangly earrings w/ feathers or tiny charms, tinted yellow or pink sunglasses, sometimes a bandana around his neck, just for extra flavor. his hair always has to look perfectly tousled; u can catch him checking out his reflection in pretty much every mirrored surface. at least half the surface area of his body is covered in tattoos & he’ll suggest getting more during every drunken night out, which... is why he has so many by now!

connections: to be quite honest its 2 am and i feel all of my higher brain functions shutting down so i’m gonna make these very simple n straightforward, but we can always workshop!!!! pls feel free to message me even if none of these strike ur fancy :0)

peers in the arts - friends, acquaintances, rivals, probably some former group project members holding a grudge....

fellow party animals who don’t mind sharing when marlowe inevitably mooches off their alcohol and drugs :)

unlikely friends!!!!! it’d be fun to have a friendship dynamic with someone who’s very different from him!!

a roommate in Noland... possibly one he’s not on good terms w/... even tho marlowe hardly EVER sleeps in his own dorm room, he uses it as a storage locker for all his “found” art materials. i can imagine that living in that mess would try the limits of anyone’s sanity :)  

enemies - they can hate his whole Genius Artist shtick and they’d be valid :/

fellow insomniacs! marlowe is very much a night owl (regular naps during the day may be 2 blame but oh well) so he needs a fellow nocturnal to hit up the late-night McDonald’s drive thru with him and then lay on the grass lookin at the stars and contemplating life’s great mysteries while eating chicken mcnuggets 

exes - idk if u can even call them tht when his past “relationships” have all had a lifespan of six weeks or less, but hey there’s drama in that too!!

fwb - i don’t think marlowe’s the type 2 be juggling too many fwb/hook-ups at one time simply because That’s A Lot of Work. that being said... he never likes to sleep alone ;) 

[genbrainreviewinfo-blog]

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[star-going-supernova]

What if demon!Henry became human?

@liliflower137 asked me put this stuff out there from some of our discussions about my Inky Eyes, Golden Heart AU. These are answers to theoretical questions, and I haven’t decided whether or not these events can be considered canon to the AU. This is very long, but it’s separated into sections through specific questions. Hope you enjoy them!  :)

What if Henry became human for a week without knowing that it would only last that long?

Okay, I'm not going to go into how this might've happened, but we'll leave it at this: he's turned completely one-hundred percent human, something that lasts a week but, like you said, he doesn't know that going into this. For all anyone knows, he'll be human forever.

So first of all, Henry was never disdainful of humans. In fact, he does things the human way more often than not, meaning as far as his powers go, he's not totally reliant on them. This is good. He won't be completely lost, given that he's been living on earth since before he even met Joey. In terms of that, while he'd really freaking miss his powers, he wouldn't be lost without them.

But then we get to the bits of being a demon that he was never consciously aware of being different, mainly: his aura.

~ Let's talk about demon auras real quick.

A demon's aura does a lot of things. With it, they can read emotions in the people around them, they can sort of scan their surroundings for fellow non-humans, they can check on their human friend's wellbeing; it can essentially be this additional, intangible limb that gathers information beyond what humans are capable of. We'll call it a Sixth Sense, in addition to sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.

But then there are other things, more demon-type things, that an aura can do. It registers the Seven Deadly Sins (although that can be better controlled with age), it warns them of nearby religious symbols, it can manifest itself in unnatural ways (as seen in The Demon that Wasn't), it can affect the emotions and thoughts of those nearby (as seen in chapter 3 of Dreams Come True), detect summonings, alter/switch between physical forms, and so on. 

The demonic aura is, simply put, a power source. It’s The Thing that differentiates them from humans. Literally, give a human an aura, they're a demon; take one away from a demon, they're a human— technically speaking, nothing else is necessary to switch back and forth. It's within them, it surrounds them, they can curl it close and stretch it out.

When Henry becomes human, all that happens is his aura is removed. No harm comes to him, there isn't a twisting of limbs or screaming or anything like that. And that's what's so devastating about it: he just lost something that was so intrinsically him, and the world keeps turning, as though no one noticed.

Within seconds of it happening, Henry collapses, everything feeling muted and dull around him. He's gasping, he can't breath, he can't feel anything. He's not Henry anymore. There's no doubt that he would've gone absolutely completely mad, bonkers, cuckoo, insane— whatever you want to call it, he would've been it within a minute or two. If, that is, Joey hadn't been there.

It takes Joey over an hour to calm Henry down enough to be able to breathe and talk. That first day is a nightmare for both of them. Henry can't stop shivering, he's distant, lost, empty almost, and Joey's never felt so useless in his entire life.

Before the first 24 hours are even up, Henry almost absently tries to kill himself. It's not even a true, conscious decision. His body feels dead already, because it wasn't made to be this way. Joey's mind can't comprehend demon antics; Henry's can't comprehend being aura-less. Like a wounded animal, he's given up.

Joey freaks out. He refuses to so much as leave Henry's side after that, going so far as to handcuff them together. The day after, Henry just trudges along behind him, still not fully aware that he's actually still alive. That's how traumatizing it is.

~ So the almost killing himself thing. Immediately after losing his aura, Henry's body basically shuts down on the intellectual level, leaving only the most basic parts of him functioning. He's not fully aware, is what I'm getting at. Think of it as a sort of defense mechanism on his mind's part, like some people do with trauma. He's just sort of... sealed away. “Henry" is basically comatose, while his body and basic instincts run the show. His body then decides that an even better coping mechanism would to be just putting him out of his misery. Joey's apartment/house (who even knows where they live) had a mouse problem a few months earlier, and he still has rat poison in one of the supply cupboards in his kitchen (not near food or cooking utensils though). Joey's just making some lunch or dinner or doing the dishes, whatever, and he absently notices Henry rummaging around a bit. He doesn't think much of it, until he glances over his shoulder and sees Henry about to drink something— but Joey never heard the fridge open. Gut instinct has him race over there and wrench the bottle away, thankfully before any damage could be done. Henry doesn't fight or anything, because he's not aware enough for even the full ramifications of what he'd almost done to hit him. Joey still breaks out the handcuffs, 'cause no way is something like that happening again, not on his watch. Even after his aura returns, Henry doesn't really remember doing it, and Joey doesn't worry him with saying anything.

But then, he sorta starts to 'wake up,' in a sense. He becomes more responsive, takes the initiative on a few things, eats without prompting, and it's when he makes a joke about the handcuffs ("You just couldn't stand to be apart from my shining personality, eh, Joey?") that Joey knows his friend is coming back to him.

By the beginning of Day Four As A Human, Henry's mostly functioning. He still has these sort of blank moments, when his eyes go dead, but the handcuff comes off and he's able to make a true effort.

The worst part to Joey is that he can't give his friend a silver lining. Henry was already doing human things, so it's not like Joey can take him on some grand adventure to show him the Perks of Being Human.

Over the next few days, they learn just how many mundane things his aura provided for/prevented from happening: Henry is abysmal at reading body language, has a tendency to walk into walls when he's not paying attention (which is often), ends up covered in bruises and scratches and scrapes from many little accidents, somehow manages to get lost four times in the studio, and ends up being allergic to peanuts and shellfish.

But the worst is something he doesn't tell Joey about. It's his drawing. No, his aura didn't make him better or anything. On a technical and professional level, his animations haven't changed a bit. But Bendy and the others don't feel real anymore. Every time he drew them, his love and happiness and passion for his work combined with his aura to give his characters the closest things to emotions and thoughts that not-living, 2D drawings could have. They weren't alive on the page (not in the 2D Bendy AU sense) but he could almost feel them in his soul. This is why Joey saw that longing when Henry looked at them; they were already semi-real, but he never thought they'd ever leave the paper.

Overall, Henry would be okay. He'd never be fully over it, never forget what it felt like to be whole, never completely recover from the absence of an integral part of himself, but with Joey's help, he'd be able to survive. The biggest loss to him would be the drawing thing, because it was the equivalent of if they had died overnight or something. He never got to say goodbye.

Naturally, he comes to resigned terms with his new state of being at the end of the week and then wakes up whole again, aura returned. He freaks out, overjoyed, and probably accidentally makes all the plants in a ten mile radius flourish (which pisses him off, to be honest, because he can't even do that when he wants to, what even) with the sheer force of his happiness.

To celebrate, he teleports himself and Joey to Italy, because Joey's always wanted authentic Italian food, and what better way to thank his best friend for being there for him during those trying times than to pop them over to the other side of the world for some good food.

Henry spends an entire day doing nothing but drawing his characters, because they're alive again, just like him.

More humorous take, inspired by Lili:

Hypothetically, lets say that Henry experienced whatever curse or illness or whatever it was that briefly took his aura away before, when he was a kid/teenager. His parents ended up taking him to the hospital since he was so messed up, but after a week, he was back to normal. The doctors were baffled, but oh well. So Henry finds out more about whatever it was, and learns that short of a deal to sell his aura, it can't leave him permanently.

Jump to adults Henry and Joey, and this happens again, and Henry does one of those full body Ghibli shivers and races to Joey's house despite knowing that he'll be okay soon.

Joey screams when Henry literally kicks in his door and shouts, "JOEY, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY AURA AND I'M HUMAN NOW."

And Joey's on the verge of an aneurism ("NO DON'T, I CAN'T HEAL YOU") until Henry finally gets around to the part about his aura returning in a few days time. Cue massive amounts of amusement for the entire studio ('cause you bet they'd let everyone know) as Henry proves to be a perfectly normal human, just with terrible human sense (aka, all that walking into walls, getting startled easily, somehow ends up lost for several hours at least four times, and so on).

What if the toons were alive when Henry got turned into a human? Or if it was during a time when the rest of the studio knew about him? Is there anything they would be able (or at least try) to do to help?

If the toons were alive, they’d all stick to him like glue, just as distraught as him over it. Because we might joke about the Dad Thing, but there’s a connection that’s forged between a Creator and Creation with the way they did it, and with Henry losing his demon aura, that connection would vanish, for all of them. There wouldn’t be a soul in the entire studio capable of separating Bendy from Henry during the entire duration, and in a way, that would help Henry massively. Joey’s awesome, and there’s no way Henry would’ve survived that week without him, but Bendy would help in an entirely different way. All three of them would. 

(When Henry gets his aura back, there’s a celebration, but at the end of the night, he does exactly what his and Bendy’s auras have been aching to do, and teleports them to a quiet peaceful place. Neither of them are ashamed to admit that they cry pretty hard over it. The loss had been great and terrible for both of them in ways none of the others would’ve been able to understand. They’re both demons whose main personality trait is kindness, and having each other was a dream come true. Henry losing that nearly destroyed him, and Bendy losing that almost sent him into off-model despair on multiple occasions that only Henry had been able to coax him out of. Being brought back together like this would set off All the Emotions, and they’d need some time to themselves to work through them.)

The rest of the studio wouldn’t really know what to do. They mourn the loss, of course they do, because they know what it means to Henry and they can see how destroyed he is. He’s lost a piece of himself, and they offer space and comfort as needed. Towards the end of the week, there would’ve been secret discussions held between the main employees about possibly making a deal with a demon to get Henry his aura back, no matter what it cost them. Because that’s what you do for family, and Sammy hadn’t quite been as ignorant of that budding lung cancer as we thought, and Norman noticed when he stopped seeing dark and dangerous things on the edge of his vision, and Wally knew that a previously shaky wall was magically sturdy, and countless others. Henry might never have mentioned anything, much less asked for something in return, but that doesn’t mean his Acts of Kindness went unnoticed. After everything he’s done for them, of course they’d be willing to do something so potentially dangerous in return. Thank goodness he got his aura back before they could go through with it.

(As a note: that part listing things Henry has done for them in secret was from another question of Lili’s about deals that Henry made with the studio workers. Let me know if anyone wants to see that part too.)

If Henry had stayed as a human forever, would he have eventually told Joey about the drawing thing?

Not on his own. If he ever did, it’d be because Joey noticed that something was really wrong, and kept pushing until Henry spilled.

After that heartbreaking conversation, Henry would go home, but Joey would stay in his office, thinking.

Maybe… maybe he could bring them to life for Henry. Maybe, with a little bit of magick and— and a Machine…

Besides. What could go wrong?

What about when Henry realizes that he’s not immortal anymore, in the permanent situation?

Immortality was never a super important thing to him. He can get over the fact that he’s not going to live for something close to forever now. Worse for him would be the growing old part, and all the helplessness that comes with that. As discussed, he’s rather accident prone without his aura, and he regularly gives Joey little mini heart attacks because gosh dang it Henry, things can actually hurt you now!

One of the reasons losing his immortality doesn’t really phase him as much as it might’ve is that he knows he and Joey and all their other friends will get to live and die together.

On the other hand, though, if the toons were already created, Henry would go a little bit insane from the thought that he’d be leaving them behind, and in that case, well… he might take some drastic measures à la something akin to the Ink Machine. Someone with all that demonic knowledge suddenly determined to cheat death one way or another? Yeah, that would probably be the worst case scenario.

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[brandimolitor]

You’re Not Alone. 

“Contemplative life is not for the timid. It’s scary to be quiet, and it takes courage to be still. No one could be expected to sit on the battlefield of her own mind without being armed with the sword of unconditional truth in one hand and the sword of unconditional love in the other.” — Mirabai Starr “Wild Mercy”

When I first met Sue, she came to me with an open, yet broken heart. As she cried throughout the call, she referenced many times that she knew there was another way to experience life; she just couldn’t figure it out. She saw women at networking events and online who appeared happy, having it all, and effortlessly going through life. We both knew this was a facade, but Sue’s belief that it was possible was what was tugging at her. “I work so hard, every day. I’ve checked all the boxes. I’ve done all the THINGS, yet I feel like shit. I never feel like what I am doing is enough or right. I am tired all the time. I feel like I can’t keep up. I know this isn’t the way! I know there is something I can tap in to but I can’t! What am I missing?? How do I get there??”

Despite Sue feeling at an absolute loss, what I was witnessing and she didn’t know yet, was that she had conjured up the courage to admit there’s a different way of experiencing life. She wasn’t at a loss, she was actually at the point of gain. She entered the battlefield of her own mind — and hadn’t yet picked up her swords of unconditional love and truth.

She was right there. Without fully knowing it, she was surrendering to the circumstances of the life she created, knew there was something out there for her to experience, and tapped in to the courage to ask for help. She was ready to enter the cave to rumble with what’s been blocking her, and come out on the other side a hero of her own life — where love, compassion, joy, ease, connection, and purpose, intersect with pain, struggle, challenges, breakdowns, and loss, and having the skills and tools to navigate it.

I had been there, too. My first real sense that there was something bigger to access and tap in to beyond what I was being taught and shown by society was when I was 20 years old. I was sitting on a rolling green hill outside of town in the southern tier of New York, dealing with my own broken heart. I was at a crossroads in my life — conflicted over relationships and plans after college. I felt I “had to” do what was expected of me, but it just didn’t feel right. As I sat looking out over the valley, hours had passed. I cried. I sat longer. And then out of nowhere, I was hit with an idea that I didn’t have to do what others wanted me to. I didn’t have to do what society expected of me. I didn’t have to sell out my passion and desires and commitment to follow someone else’s plan. “What if?” I thought. I said it over and over. In that moment, I felt an enormous amount of freedom, and my heart felt full and my spirit lifted almost instantly.

I drove back to campus and shared my breakthrough with a few others — elated in my experience and motivated to live out the promise I made to myself. After sharing myself openly and authentically with just a handful of people, those feelings were gone. I shared with people who were committed to another way of being and living, and they found flaws and holes in my dreams and vision. I retreated and hid away what felt like a new life. I was confused and embarrassed I even had such ideas. “They’re right,” I said to myself, “and I’m an idiot.” I believed that story for a long time.

I did experience feeling connected to my truth many times again, though, and each time the feeling of wanting to let go of expectations sticking just a little bit longer. The cycle would be that I would feel these fleeting moments of freedom, like an animal released from a cage, to only be sucked back in by fear again — the idea that it’s too scary to connect with one’s true nature and spirit. Like that same freed animal running back to its captors because it feels more comfortable to be caged in with what’s familiar, than go out in to the wilderness of the unknown. It wasn’t until the pain of living in my own, self-induced prison became too much that I decided to trust the inner guidance and intuition of what was already there…. leading me all along, to the point of stillness and connection with one’s own self, that I finally surrendered to making that a reality.

I had grit and perseverance, but community and support was what really helped me to stay the course of what’s possible, to step “out of the cage,” and forge my own path. It took creating and connecting with a tribe of others who saw and experienced the same light and freedom, in order for me to maintain my connection to inner truth and wisdom and freedom. It also took validation.

You see, in the moments when I felt connected or pulled toward my truth, I was also being shown another way by culture and the general masses. I felt weird, odd, different, that I didn’t belong, and that something was wrong with me. When I began to get validated by other truth seekers and those connected to a higher calling, my feelings became more real and I was able to expand on them, until eventually I was living it. Imagine that caged animal being set free, then rounding a corner to find other beings just like it, playing and living out their spirited life. It certainly wouldn’t of gone back to the cage.

As we sit with our thoughts more so now than ever, there’s a desire of wanting to be free from the ideas that hold us down or produce fear, upset, discontentment, coupled with feelings of isolation. This can be a tricky place to be. Many women I talk to, just like Sue, are having these emotional experiences in a way that’s more profound than ever, but also feel alone. There’s feelings of helplessness and fears of confronting anything more than what’s already going on (the experience can be just too much). I know you’re feeling this too, my dear (it’s a bit impossible not to, nowadays) and that is why I want to offer some help.

Life can and is a lot to handle at times, but what I’ve learned along the way, is that we can do hard and difficult things. We just don’t have to do them alone. The overwhelm, grief and helplessness do not have to become who you are.

Although most of my coaching focuses on private, 1:1, in-depth work, I am opening up a new, short-term program designed for a small community of truth-seekers. In this time where our feelings seem overwhelming, I know more now than ever, community and connection with a tribe you resonate with is essential.

Click here to learn more about the virtual group program, and learn that you don’t have to go at it alone anymore. The first step is having the courage to raise your hand, and allow the help to step in. We CAN be joyful and experience gratitude AND experience grief and challenges at the same time.

Now’s not the time to face it all alone — there’s a tribe waiting for you.

With so much love, Brandi

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ part of your machine

date: morning of october 26, 2017

location: bc entertainment headquarters

word count:1,011

summary: featuring an unnamed (lower level) bc exec who goes “good cop, bad cop” on ash... without the good cop. is this foreshadowing or me just wanting to write someone annoyed with ash other than himself? the world may never know.

notes: title credit to machine by misterwives, which, fun fact, was on the first playlist i ever posted for ash here and applies to him more now than ever. side note: this very well may be my least favorite piece of writing i’ve ever published on ash which is saying a lot because sometimes i just send replies out into the world without even proofreading, r.i.p. me. there’s another self-para coming soon that i hope is better pls don’t think less of me thank you

“pick apart every piece of me and miss the point entirely. i only did this to be sane, not for you to know my name. go ahead and spit the music out. please tell me more about your doubt. don't fear, i've heard it all before, each time makes it easier to ignore.” 

“we’ve given you an unwarranted amount of freedom with this album, taeyong.” 

the words are true. ash doesn’t show a reaction.

“there was no reason for us to give you so much control over this album. you’re unbelievably lucky that our producers thought your songs could be salvaged and our pr department thinks the whole singer-songwriter shtick could be good for your image.”

that one hurts more. ash knows how this industry works. he’s not allowed to do anything because it’s authentic. he’s allowed to do things that sell. this album isn’t about a shtick or an image to him, though. it’s the blood and sweat of the years he’s spent writing songs only to have them rejected so often he had become scared to show anyone. the day he’d been dragged into a meeting and a panel of bc executives brought up his marketability as a solo artist, he’d known what he had to do. he’d barely clawed his way out of that meeting with them willing to give him a chance. he’d sent demo after demo to his manager to pass on to bc’s producers and marketing agents in hopes that they’d see something worthwhile.

the day they’d told him they were going to give him a chance was the happiest he’d felt in years. and now the only thing keeping him going was being belittled as nothing more than a shtick.

“we aren’t giving you this opportunity just because you asked. you have name and face recognition. so what if just as many people hate you as like you and you’re insufferable when we try to put you on variety? we’ll get people to stream your song because they’ve heard your name. netizens will spend months speculating which girl from your little harem your silly love song are about. we media  play into that and we’ll get you trending on naver a few times. your fan girls will bring in the physical sales because your face looks decent in the right light and you have a nice body.”

ash’s blood is boiling and he opens his mouth to fight back. he knows better than to speak back to someone higher than him in the company, but it’s like this executive has a list of ash’s insecurities he’s checking off of a list. the executive gives him a firm look and ash knows what it means: shut up or else. he obeys.

“we didn’t agree to having all of your girlfriends, or whatever they are, feature on songs because we thought it’d be cute.” ash grits his teeth at that comment. people assuming every female friend he has is more than that is how he’d gotten his reputation in the first place. shouldn’t someone working for bc avoid that implication more than anyone? “we knew it’d get people talking, but now they’re talking too much. we can’t sell romance to teenage girls when they think you’re a drunk who’s hooking up with the youngest girl you could find. the underage girls need to think they can get with you, not that you’re actually dating one of them.”

ash knows being an idol means being viewed as an object, but that doesn’t make it any easier for hi to hear himself so blatantly degraded into something less than a human with feelings of his own who is capable of making mistakes. ash speaks for the first time since he’d stepped foot in the room, “i’m not dating her. i already told everyone in this company and all of my instagram followers that. i messed up. i get it. i won’t do it again. i don’t know why you called me in here. you announced the album after all of this, so i don’t think you called me in here to tell me it’s not happening. with all due respect, i do intend to keep my image clean from now on. it was a mistake and i’ve acknowledged that and i won’t make it again.” ash speaks with all of the proper formalities, but his voice is tense, betraying how had he finds it to show respect to the other man in the room after everything he’s said.

“no, you’re right. it’s not cancelled and i don’t have all day to waste my time on an idol who can’t keep his face off of exclusive for more than two minutes before he’s begging for attention again. i asked you here to tell you that your future prospects are riding entirely on this album now. you’ve done this to yourself and now you have to lay in the bed you made. you have potential in both marketability and musicality, that’s something most everyone agreed on, but potential means nothing if you won’t cooperate. do you know how many idols and trainees are under bc entertainment? you’re not anything irreplaceable, taeyong.”

it’s obviously a threat, but ash can’t put his finger on what the man is threatening.

“there’s only so much we can do for you. you have to help yourself and if this album disappoints us, you have no one to blame but yourself. i expect you to keep your future as an idol, a singer, a ‘songwriter’, whatever it is you think you are, in mind from now on.”

for someone who would normally say he doesn’t want a future as any of those, the words still ring in ash’s ears loud and clear. he lowers his head in resigned acceptance. “i understand.” he takes deep breaths, counting in his head to keep from showing how rattled he is. “am i free to go now?”

“yes.”

ash stands and heads for the door before the executive stops him to get in the last word. “an updated schedule has been given to your manager. if you skip another day of schedules like you did a few days ago, you’ll have more to worry about than staying away from girls for a month or two. you’re running out of chances, taeyong, and those aren’t something we’re looking to give you any extra of.”

[tsghamptonsnewyork]

Scouted LOCAL Holiday Gifts

Grab your favorite warm bevvie, curl up in a comfy chair, and get ready to take down some notes, because we’ve scoured the Hamptons and have come up with 72 incredible local gifts, for all sorts of people, at all different price points. Many of these shops even sell online, so click right through and add-to-cart! We hope these gifts will inspire you to shop local this holiday season, at these stores and so many others, and maybe grab a little something for yourself while you’re at it...

STOCK UP FOR ALL YOUR HOLIDAY PARTIES!

1. The sisters that own THE HIDDEN GEM in Southampton, Temidra and Tanya Willock, are incredibly talented and actually design many of the beautiful items you’ll find there, like these lobster tea towels. From home decor, to accessories, ornaments and art, this shop really is a treasure to discover.

2. COMERFORD COLLECTION in Bridgehampton is incredibly sophisticated with a mid-century inspired, yet completely unique vibe all their own. These matchsticks have a wonderful back story, go in and ask them how the wood gets its incredible texture. 

3. DESTINATION HAUS in Amagansett is like a beachy-modern art gallery come to life with decor and gift items galore. These statement candles will thrill any hostess with their unique simplicity.

4. SEA GREEN DESIGNS in Southampton is packed full of sustainably designed goodies for the home. Shannon, the owner, works from a place of true respect for our beach environment and an incredible eye for beach home style.

5. WÖLFFER ESTATE wines are always a hit during the holidays. This Merlot has intense, concentrated flavors, balanced with great elegance, finesse and depth, and incredible aging potential. 

6. Coconut at Christmastime? You better believe it! You won’t believe how quickly these TATES Coconut Crisp Cookies will become ‘the best Christmas cookies you’ve ever had’. And with a gluten free option, every hostess can indulge a little. 

7. Pick up a copy of renowned local architect firm Bates Masi’s book at SOUTHAMPTON | SAG HARBOR BOOKS and discover how they developed their signature style, not around an aesthetic, but around a method. The perfect Hamptons coffee table book.

8. If you bring a hostess flowers, do it right. Order a beautiful custom arrangement from SAG HARBOR FLORIST in a container, not wrapped in paper. This way you’re not giving your hostess extra work, and the statement will be very well received. 

9. An elegant spin on a hostess favorite, these twig salad servers from HOMENATURE in Southampton make a beautiful statement that compliments any decor.

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY!

1. L & W MARKET in Bridgehampton has so many house made local preserved goods in beautiful packaging perfect for gifting to your favorite local foods loyalist.

2. You can’t go wrong with these 14k gold leaf wine glasses from Amagansett treasure DESTINATION HAUS. Perfectly elegant and luxe.

3. Baked, packaged and sold by adults with special needs, SOUTH FORK BAKERY is a wonderful local non-profit organization, providing skills, employment and a supportive environment for its employees. Plus the baked goods are beyond incredible. 

4. SEA GREEN DESIGNS features beach house decor with both traditional and modern appeal. Just imagine how charcuterie and fruits will pop against this sleek white board. Gorgeous.

5. When buying a gift for someone too sophisticted for words, hit up MONC XIII in Sag Harbor. From the outstanding facade, to the incredible treasures beyond, the most discerning recipient will be quite pleased. Serving a lobster bisque with fine sherry and truffles? This is the ladle for the job.

6. Simple, clean and utilitarian. GANSETT LANE HOME in Amagansett is full of gifts like this decanter, that can’t miss.

7. Launched this past summer, The Bridgehampton Inn Cookbook is already a treasured favorite everywhere. Did you catch Jimmy Fallon raving about the book and the Van Kempen family on the Tonight Show? And LOAVES AND FISHES is a must-go for any foodie on your list.

8. We bought these beautiful little utensils last summer and we use them all the time! THE WEATHERED BARN in Greenport is chock-full of unique artisan and in-house designed treasures for just about everyone on your list.

9. STICK + STONE in Amagansett shares the space in the back of the applied arts building with GRAIN SURFBOARDS. Aynsley and Brian are so talented and down to earth and the treasures you’ll find are true artisan quality. Whether you hit one of their holiday markets or just pop by, make this a must-go stop on your holiday list.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES

1. SATORI has been in Sag Harbor forever, and Lee Ann Bulgin has done such a wonderful job with the space. Open, clean and inviting, and full of finds like this soft-as-heaven purple hat.

2. HIDDEN GEM in Southampton isn’t just home decor and art, you’ll find some gorgeous little accessories there too!

3. NATUROPATHICA started in East Hampton about 20 years ago and is now a nationally renowned brand. The calendula cream is epically luxe and their gift sets are priced right. A perfect introduction to the brand for a beauty aficionado.

4. We’re so lucky to have DR. KEN MARK right here in Southampton. Nationally celebrated for his innovative skin cancer and cosmetic dermatology practice, he has also designed one of the most advanced and effective skin care lines available. Stop in his office to discover what all the local celebrities are raving about.

5. Local favorite clothing store GLORIA JEWEL was the dream of hard working womanpreneur Megan Chiarello. She makes you feel so welcome, and helps you find all the perfect gifts for your loved ones (and maybe a little something for yourself too)

6. We love WÖLFFER, everyone loves WÖLFFER. Have you tried this playful pink gin? Made with the skins of harvested grapes, without too much juniper, it has a delicate yet complex palate. Perfect for a dry Holiday martini, and that label though, divine. She will love it.

7. We just can’t handle the beauty of this purple pom throw by SHED TEXTILE. It’s just beyond words, and is destined to be a treasure for any lucky recipient.

8. Every girl deserves a little boho shimmer during the holidays. These knotted bags at JOEY WÖLFFER in Sag Harbor are selling out fast, so get over there now!

9. These INTO THE WOODS gems were the ‘it’ bags of the summer, but don’t write them off for winter! These deep jewel tones are stunning paired with cashmere and fur. And she can bring them along on her winter vacation too!

HORSES AND PUPPIES AND BIRDS, OH MY!

1. You never know what you’ll find at ENGLISH COUNTRY HOME in Bridgehampton, but what we do know is that you’ll find some of the most elegant, unusual and precious home decor, new and vintage, that you’ll ever see, like this butter dish.

2. Local artist JACKIE MALONEY is a nature lover and it shows. Her watercolor prints feature birds, fish, and all sorts of local wildlife, and they’re incredibly affordable so grab a few!

3. Feuds are ‘for the dogs’, but not when It’s Boston vs. NYC in the cutest way possible. ACK V HAMPS is notorious for their playful Nantucket vs. The Hamptons watercolor art, and this sweet print takes it next level. Woof!

4. The folks at SYLVESTER & CO in Sag Harbor definitely have a thing for dogs. If you love your furry friend, or you’re shopping for someone who does, get over there and check out their adorable wares like this set of mugs. Obsessed.

5. RUBY BEETS in Sag Harbor is full of breathtaking vintage finds and custom pieces. This Hobbyhorse would make a stunning addition for any home.

6. Newcomer BOWTIE PET CLUB has some truly adorable finds for your furry friends. Woof Cliquot anyone? Don’t mind if we do!

7. Know someone who has a resident dog, and an empty coffee table? I think you’ve found the perfect match. HOMENATURE in Southampton is full of nature inspired treasures and some cute canine finds too.

8. You don’t have to be an equestrian to appreciate the style of this chic wrap bracelet. THE TACK TRUNK in Amagansett has so many brands and items you won’t find anywhere else in the Hamptons, so get over there for your favorite horse lover quick!

9. Who doesn’t love MECOX GARDENS and their grand, garden-chic decor? Want to splurge on your favorite canine enthusiast? These greyhounds are royally elegant, yet simultaneously adorable.

THE KEY TO HER HEART...

1. Is there anything cooler than fossilized, prehistoric shark teeth covered in silver and gold? We think not. FIN Montauk has you covered.

2. JENNIFER MILLER opened her Southampton boutique in 2004 and since then has acquired a loyal celebrity following. Her upscale, yet super wearable and fun designs are always treasured. 

3. LOVE ADORNED in Amagansett has the sweetest most delicate, hand crafted pieces at all different price points, like this ring. It’s the perfect stop for a little something special for that special someone.

4. GLENN BRADFORD in Southampton has very cool designer vintage pieces mixed with his own designs, with themes ranging from spiritual to tattoo like this key charm (each charm sold separately).

5. Local boho chic royalty, JOEY WÖLFFER, mixes a curated selection of awe inspiring pieces (like these earrings) with her own designs at her shop in Sag Harbor. Plus her authentic and cool vibe keeps her fanbase loyal.

6. Some pieces, like this LOVE necklace, are just so perfect and sweet you want to wear them every day. Megan Chiarello of GLORIA JEWEL is so good at finding the things that make you feel good inside and out. 

7. Local artisan BLUE FEATHER WEATHER handcrafts classic sterling and turquoise jewelry by hand. These Pilot Mountain Turquoise rings are made with beautiful stones harvested in Arizona. Reach out through IG for purchase info.

8. Eleni Preston of MADE SAG HARBOR is a goldsmith with GIA accreditation who has been working with Biwa, Keshi and natural pearls since 1980. For her, making jewelry is a holistic way of producing from a pure material, precious and non-precious stones, in a circular, regenerative way.

9. From internationally renowned jewelry designer TAMARA COMOLLI, this Mikado Flamenco in the color story Sky consists of light blue Sky Topaz, electric Swiss Topaz and moody London Topaz. It perfectly captures the deep and endless feeling of blue skies.

PARENTS WILL APPRECIATE THESE GIFTS AS MUCH AS THE KIDS...

1. PETIT BLUE in East Hampton has a wonderfully curated selection of gifts for kids of all ages, We’re obsessed with the style of this ride on, it will instantly elevate any playroom, besides being a ton of fun.

2. Don’t forget to grab you some Freezy Freakies at FLYING POINT SURF! Just took you back to childhood for a minute there didn’t we?

3. ETHEL + ROW in Sag Harbor has a wonderful selection of gifts that will make mom and dad just as happy as the wee ones. Every playroom needs a teepee for hiding, reading and storytelling.

4. FLYING POINT SURF always has great stuff for the kids so we had to pick 2 loves in this category, this little hoodie is nothing short of adorable.

5. GOOD Westhampton has gifts for everyone on your list including the wee ones. What’s cuter than a tiny Hamptons onesie? Not much.

6. STEVENSONS in Southampton has an incredible selection of wooden toys, classic stuff, popular and unique toys, plush, ride ons, legos, puzzles, stocking stuffers and so much more. This house is destined to be a hit.

7. This critically acclaimed children’s book by Jimmy Kimmel will bring the silly out of any serious goose. BOOKHAMPTON has a gift for everyone on your list.

8. EGG New York in Southampton has some of the cutest baby duds around and this little love hat is no exception.

9. The 3 young opera singers who launched THE OPERA DOLLS this summer started it with the goal of making opera tangible, relevant, and accessible to young audiences and beyond. Follow their adventures in Kenya and Europe on social media.

STUMPED FOR WHAT TO GET HIM?

1. If your dude is a dad, aspires to dad fashion, or just really likes MONTAUK HARD LABEL WHISKEY, then this hat is the gift for him.

2. Is he feeling a little cranky and rough around the edges? Soften up your man with CBD salt scrub from local MMJ pioneers HEMP IN THE HAMPTONS (by Hampton Medi Spa)

3. Does your guy live in Quogue, live near Quogue, or just love Quogue? Then you need to swing into THE QUOGUE SHOP. They have all sorts of cute and preppy Q items, like this belt, for your favorite “west of the canal” dude.

4. Morris & Sons in Southampton has some seriously dapper duds. We’re obsessed with this hunter green tie.

5. WHITEWATER OUTFITTERS isn’t just for hard core fishermen (I mean, it’s for them too) but you can pick up all sorts of cool gear and accessories for your manly man there. We love this Grundens Cap and he will too.

6. Is your guy elegant and manly? Or does he aspire to be? This Yak Horn from DESTINATION HAUS is about to make his desk, or bookcase, or nightstand the coolest spot in the house. 

7. Has he been good this year? I mean, really good? Let the friendly staff at LONDON JEWELERS help you pick out the perfect timepiece for your perfect gentleman, we happen to be fans of Panerai.

8. Is there anything tougher and cooler than a good Carhartt? He doesn’t need to be outdoorsy or mechanically inclined to enjoy the warmth and ruggedness of this classic jacket. Keep it local and pick one up for a good price at FISHER SIGNS AND SHIRTS in Southampton.

9. Again, for the win, SYLVESTER & CO in Sag Harbor has gifts for dogs and dudes too! This Man Can is perfect for when you’re feeling stumped.

10. We’re all stoked about the return of the Sag Harbor Cinema, and you can find branded goods throughout the village but even bigger names are getting in on the action. This cap from BONGIORNO supports the restoration project and flaunts your love of local.

FOR THE QUIRKY, WILD, AND YOUNG AT HEART...

1. A first edition JRR Tolkein? C’mon, you know there’s someone in your life that would give their first born for this one. Find it at SOUTHAMPTON BOOKS.

2. The Holidays are a great time to get a book that helps you recover from over indulging. 

3. Morgan & Kydd makes the most beautiful handcrafted paper goods, this just might be our favorite card this season.

4. For a textile based company, St Frank definitely has a quirky affinity for the unusual. This one is for the sophisticated yet slightly dangerous crowd.

5. Wyeth has incredible style, and these bookends are no exception. An elegant statement for the bold aesthete.

6. RBG on the tree? Count us in.

7. Could anything be more seasonally appropriate and less cliché at the same time than Nordic Tales? This book is a stunner.

8. Subtle and earthy, this keychain from LOVE ADORNED pays homage to the 60′s and/or maybe your high school days. Yup those are magic mushrooms. 

9. LEVAIN BAKERY in Wainscott has the biggest, softest gooiest cookies on the planet, and they ship!

10. The overlap area between entertainment and decor is a sweet spot for everyone. MECOX for the Domino game win.

So that’s it folks! One thoughtful gift is always better than a bunch of big box sale stuff. There are great gifts to be found all over the North and South Forks at all different price points. Buying locally is a more enjoyable experience than the big chains, you find better, more unique stuff, you get to meet interesting people, hear stories about what you buy, and you actually help your community. Keep the following “Pick 3 Spend 50″ rule in mind as you shop this month, and always...

[zzzoloft]

Ink Reflux

Do you ever feel like you must act a certain way? Maybe you think about how you’re acting sometimes, and realize you do it most of the day. “They” say it’s important to keep plans when you’re feeling bad. I feel as though I’m speaking one sentence while thinking another. Small-talking while I choke down a thick, gelatinous black ink that won’t stop rising up my throat. Another gross bodily function to pretend isn’t happening. Doesn’t it correlate with our words? We hide our humanity to make ourselves tolerable to other humans. Smile when I’m frowning. “Good, how are you?” when I’m thinking death might be easier than telling my loved ones to just give up on me. Sometimes it feels the greatest apology would be to get rid of myself. I feel poison, but some people still want to keep consuming me. Does alcohol feel sad when you binge on it and then try to cheat your way out of a hangover? I tell you I’m bad, you say I’m good and fun. But when it’s time to pay my toll you just accept it and forget it next time you decide to associate with me. 

Eventually most people get better. They distance themselves or leave. They pick the parts of me they want to keep. The part of me that congratulates them or lifts them up or tells them jokes. The part of me that feels inferior and will always look at them as something greater unless they’re currently pissing me off. Because I really do want you all to feel empowered to live your lives authentically. With or without me. They may keep the parts of me that serve as a means to make them feel better about their appearance, career, their level of knowledge, their desirability, their popularity or their lack of friends. And when I write shit like this, their better judgment. Maybe they keep me around to give a fuck, so they can say things to see a look of pain flash over my face before I say something supportive. So they can do things and know that it hits my heart like a knife. And when I care it’s really there. I try to pull it out of me but I wake up with a shortness of breath and a tightness in my chest when I lose someone. I frantically apologize and try to make it better. I ruin it again. Remember that scene in Edward Scissorhands where he saves the kid from getting hit by a car but then frantically tears him up with his hands trying to comfort him? I do sometimes feel like fleeing back to my old black castle, far from the colorful cookie-cutter town. Because the damage is more important than the intention. It’s tangible. And you can see the pattern.

I’ve ruined friendships since I was a kid. My mom once yelled at me for playing in her room with our neighbors. She said we could never do that again. I told my neighbors we couldn’t be friends. Was I evil at 7? I like to think I just didn’t know better, but maybe I already had a knack for making things worse. Keeping things black or white because I couldn’t process grey, couldn’t emotionally handle it. Maybe in my mind, setting boundaries was the same as being useless as a friend.

My next best friend was spending the night, and started playing with my sister and I felt excluded. She and my sister were staying up playing NeoPets into the night and I wanted to go to sleep on the foldout couch with my friend and make weird faces in the dark and talk about random stuff. My friend wanted to stay up with my sister. I woke up my mom and told her, and my mom yelled at them. I was embarrassed but grateful my mom stood up for me, or so I thought. That friend never came over again. This was the Summer before 6th grade. My mom helped me make my friend an apology gift. A little paper box that had once held my mom’s business cards, I cut up pictures of me and my friend and glued them around the box. My mom gave me a necklace with a gold-dipped seashell on the end. My mom didn’t like jewelry much, and my friend seemed to like the beach. Her mom took us there a few times, at least. I’m sure I packed in a long apology note written in a sparkly Jelly Roll pen. I had a new acquaintance deliver the gift to my old best friend since they were in a class together. My new acquaintance said that my friend made a scene and threw it all away in front of everyone. I remember walking up to my old friend at some point either before or after this at middle school. I was alone and she had a new friend on each side. The message was clear. I wasn’t going to fit the mold of the new friend group she had in mind.  

As a teen I was used by friends. A house where there were no rules and adults never checked on us. A ride to a gas station or drug dealer’s house if “we” needed it. A friend to make fun of and exclude when you weren’t feeling as popular or desirable as you wanted to. A friend whose stepdad had drugs to sell them. Those “friends” always needed to be high or have access to dick to have a good time. My company was never enough. I cut off contact with Friend B when Friend A told me that friend B molested her own nephew when Friend A was spending the night. I kept Friend A around until my mid-twenties when she betrayed me for about the 20th time and I realized, I was her life-line and she was the fucking disaster waiting to strike any time I built some semblance of a life. Who knew if what she said about Friend B was even true. 

As I got older I found some friends that seemed to actually have things in common with me. They were funny and creative and loved music the way that I did. I lived my life in a free-love type way back then and made myself more enemies. The mirage of fitting in was just that, an illusion. There never was a real place for me. I was always too sad, too fat, too slutty. I’m sure there’s more I did wrong. I felt aloof. I felt hungry. I felt seen for the first time in so many ways. I tried to take it all in. I hurt people in my ambitions for love and attention. 

I spent the next 5 years or so weaving in and out of old close friendships and chasing men who mostly didn’t want me. I would meet people I admired and be way too scared to approach them or be near them. They were too smart, too composed, always too “something”. 

I learned that people didn’t like the artistic and reckless version of me. I became too ashamed to ever talk about my belief in myself again.  That was for perfectly talented people who deserved it. Or, that was for naive people. That was for people who spend their life dreaming and amounting to nothing. I “got my shit together”. I learned to hide things. I changed my goals to boring and safe. 

My next group of friends was inherited and I realized the first thing people wanted to know was what I went to school for and where, or what advanced literature did I want to discuss over craft beers? I spent about a year or two shutting the fuck up in case somebody found out how dumb and uneducated I was/am. Slowly I discovered there were a few people in the group who didn’t care or accidentally overlooked my shortcomings, liked artsy things and dancing and getting drunk and embarrassing. These are my favorites. 

I still feel there’s a part of me that isn’t home anywhere. A part of me that comes out in the worst ways at the worst times. I feel like flashes of my worst thoughts, the ones that scare me, are the first I let out at people when I lose control. I don’t try too hard to justify them because that could reveal even more of my struggles or flaws. I just pretend they never happened. People want to read into the way you explain things or don’t. Some people just accept you either way, knowing that the ghouls in your mind get along with some of theirs. Most people won’t say it out loud or validate you about that, they’ll share a few years later that they related to that thing you posted. That thing that you thought nobody read and since writing is the way you try to express yourself, made you feel rejected and lonely again. I guess I hoped that if I shared only neutral or positive thoughts with people that I would suddenly be likable or popular. But it remains that I usually have 2-3 people willing to tolerate my shit, or maybe they really do understand.

It’s taken me until 30 to realize I can’t swing back into a special place with people of the past. It might feel like it for a day or a week. Other people move on. I can’t expect that I can just suddenly be important and vulnerable with old friends. This took far too long to click with me, I was always expecting more from people than I deserved. It was more painful not seeing that there was something between enemies and best friends, and wondering why I couldn’t get the latter to click into place like it used to. It’s liberating to know we can just exist in mutual support and peace. 

I see those quotes that say the beautiful souls are the ones that are broken and choose to be soft instead. I became bitter and hard. Those quotes make me feel fucking useless. 

[tipsycad147]

Removing All Negativity From Your Life Is Bad For You And Your Magic

Avery Hart

There’s a rather insidious idea floating around spiritual, new age, and witchcraft communities that is doing you and your witchcraft absolutely no favours. That idea is that in order to be a good witch or a spiritual person you have to avoid negative thinking and emotions entirely. The logic behind this idea makes sense. I mean, if we’re manifesting magic with our thoughts shouldn’t we avoid manifesting negatively? Wouldn’t our negative thoughts, our worries, and our nasty emotions manifest just as easily as our positive ones? And besides, it’s not like negativity feels good, why wouldn’t we want to get rid of these thoughts? Convincing people to swear off negative thinking is a pretty easy sell but it’s a trap and today I’m going to tell you why.

The Law Of Attraction

To start this discussion off, we’re going to need to take a look at the source of this idea. This militant avoidance of negativity has its roots in the law of attraction. This law states that energy attracts it’s like. The energy that you hold and focus on is the energy you will get more of. If you focus on how loved you feel, you will attract more love. If you feel abundant, you will find yourself living in abundance. Plenty of people perform spells using this principle. The problem comes when we apply this idea to negative thinking.

If you focus on how broke you are, will you attract more financial troubles? According to the law of attraction, yes you will. It’s easy to see why this would lead people to try and avoid negative focus and while this can work in some instances, trying to implement this idea as a blanket policy leads to problems. Not the least of which is a disturbing trend of victim blaming within our communities.

When someone in a magical community has some misfortune befall them, often they’re met with sympathy to their face but I’ve heard more than my fair share of whispers behind peoples backs about how they “manifested their own pain”. Whether it be cancer, a cheating partner, financial trouble, or something else entirely, somehow people find a way to blame this person for energetically attracting their own suffering. Even in instances where it is true, this kind of holier than thou victim blaming is toxic. It destroys any space that the victim may have found for healing and growth within their community and ensures that they will feel unsupported, alone, and ashamed. This is not what spiritual communities are for! We should be supporting and loving each other through our misfortunes and mistakes, not using our knowledge of universal powers to feel superior to others.

Add to that the fact that banal negativity is far less powerful than positive emotion. While yes, it is entirely possible to attract shitty things into your life, it takes a HUGE amount more focus to do so than it does positive focus. More than likely, if you’re attracting unwanted things in your life, it’s not the conscious negative thoughts that are causing the unwanted situation, it’s the beliefs that you hold in your subconscious that are presenting a much larger amount of energy without you even being aware of it. And in the pursuit of rewriting these beliefs, your negative thoughts are actually clues helping you to uncover those subconscious patterns.

Adding Fuel To The Fire

Even if we ignore the fact that this concept causes discord in our communities, trying to get rid of your negative thinking patterns can actually do the exact opposite of what you intend. Why? Because when you resist something you give it energy. The very act of trying to rid yourself of negative thoughts and emotions gives those thoughts and emotions more power. You’re only adding fuel to the fire by focusing your attention on trying to never be negative. Remember the example above where we discussed how focusing on being broke will only lead to more financial trouble? The same rule applies here. If you’re constantly focusing on how much you’re trying not to be negative you’re only going to end up with more negative thoughts, and they’re probably going to be negative thoughts about how bad you feel that you can’t get rid of your negative thoughts.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, we literally cannot get rid of all negative thoughts. It’s just not possible. You’re fighting a battle against your own base nature and when you do that you will always lose. Besides, negative thinking is actually a GOOD thing in many cases!

Your Negative Thoughts Are Actually Good!

1. Negative thoughts alert you to your own emotions and energetic blockages that are keeping you from getting what you want

I touched on this above but it bears repeating. Your negative thoughts are a way for your subconscious mind and your body to communicate with you. Trying to get rid of them is like putting a piece of tape over the blinking “check engine” light in your car. It does absolutely nothing to solve the underlying problem and only allows the issue to continue worsening unchecked while you continue on in blissful ignorance. Eventually, that little blinking light will turn into an all-out mechanical meltdown leaving you stranded, crashed in a ditch, or worse.

Instead, you need to view your negative thinking as a valuable source of insight into the inner workings of your subconscious mind. Journal about these thoughts, try to discover the root cause of them and remember, all negative thoughts are trying to protect you from something. Whether it’s your poor body image misguidedly trying to protect you from rejection or your anxiety trying to protect you from worst case scenario dangers, these thoughts exist for a reason. And that reason is almost always to protect you from some perceived danger. Try to identify what your thoughts are protecting you from and you gain huge insight into what’s going on in your subconscious.

2. Embracing negative thoughts means you are being more fully authentic to yourself and thus, embracing your own power

As witches, we’re here to take control of our circumstances and create the lives we want. In order to do this, we must become acquainted with our most authentic selves, peel back the masks that the world asks us to wear and discover who we really are so that we can know exactly what will make us truly happy. Negative thoughts are a part of who you are. You may not like them much but accepting and learning to work with them is paramount if you ever want to really see your authentic self and reach your fullest potential as a witch. Claiming full ownership of your self is one of the most powerful things you can do as a witch. Stop rejecting this part of yourself because the world has labelled it “bad” and use it to your advantage.

3. Negative thoughts and feelings are a road map to your ideal life

Negative thinking is always a reaction to what is not wanted. While this may be uncomfortable in the moment, it is actually an extremely useful tool. We can only know what we do want by identifying those things that we do not want. In this way, negative thinking gives you a flashing neon sign pointing you in the direction of your truest desires. Witchcraft is about taking control back and creating the life you want right? Negative thoughts give you a clear direction to move in to achieve that goal, allowing you to hone your will and move forward with purpose.

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

Ok, so getting rid of all negative thinking isn’t the answer. What CAN we do about negative thoughts then? Do we just let them run rampant and sour our moods forever?

Thankfully, this is not the only option. For many of us, our negative thoughts can be so severe that they become disordered and we present with mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, and dissociation. These things should absolutely not be ignored! Instead, people with any severity of negative thinking can take steps to make the best use of their thoughts while moving toward improved happiness, health, and personal growth.

Step 1: Get comfortable with the idea that you and your thoughts are two separate things.

If you’re new to this idea then it can take a bit of time to get comfortable with it so if it doesn’t sink in immediately then just give it time.

You are not your thoughts. Rather, your thoughts are something that happen within your mind and you are observing them. Learning to recognise this separation between the self and thought is key to long-term emotional stability and happiness.

Mindfulness meditation is extremely helpful in learning to recognise this dual nature within the self. To perform mindfulness meditation you simply need to find some quiet space and a few minutes to meditate. Sit and focus on your breath. Thoughts will come up in your mind as you do this, this is ok, all you have to do is detach yourself when you notice that you’re getting distracted by the thought and go back to focusing on your breath. You don’t have to force the thought out of your head, just refocus your attention on your breathing. When you’re first beginning, start with very short sessions, as little as 1-3 minutes. As you progress and get better at separating your focus from your thoughts, you can extend the amount of time that you practice this meditation. And please remember, this is a practice! If you feel like you’re not very good at it, it’s ok. You do not have to be good at it, you simply need to show up for the practice and focus on improving in whatever small ways you can.

Step 2: Recognize that your feelings are valid but that being valid doesn’t make them true.

Remember how I said that all of your negative thoughts were trying to protect you from something? Well, they are. And you should appreciate them for that! They are performing a vital function that is designed to keep you alive. That said, no matter how well-intentioned these thoughts are, that doesn’t necessarily make them true. Recognising that your negative thoughts are valid but still being critical of whether or not they’re true gives you an incredible amount of control.

For example, you may realise that your subconscious is trying to protect you from the pain of failure by giving you test anxiety but that does not mean that this fear is well founded. Take a moment to dispel this fear, look at how much work you put into studying, call up thoughts of tests that you’ve done well on, and realise that in the grand scheme of things one test is not the end of the world. Thank the negative thought for trying to keep you safe and then go smash that test.

Step 3: Use these thoughts to get in touch with what’s happening in your subconscious mind

Your negative thoughts are a direct lifeline to your subconscious mind. You can use these thoughts to tell you what your subconscious mind is really getting up to. For example, if you struggle with negative self-talk your subconscious mind might be trying to ensure that you fix perceived flaws so that you don’t risk rejection from those around you. This tells you that your subconscious sees rejection as a threat to your survival. You now have an opportunity to dig into that perception and find out what caused your mind to become fixated on this as a threat. You can look at events that might have made you scared of rejection, such as your parents being unhappy when you acted out, to partners expressing dislike for something about you, to the way your boss treats you and your work.

Negative thoughts don’t have to be something that you endure or something that you try your hardest to reject. They can be a useful tool in your pursuit of magical control over your life, happiness, and growth. You simply have to be willing to work with them and be kinder to yourself in the process.

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/removing-all-negativity-from-your-life-is-bad-for-you-and-your-magic

[jenncognito]

The Nine Spell Sisters You’ll Meet in the Cactus Garden of Insta

If you've found this blog lovely, deep down you already know you have a serious problem. It’s cool. As useless as reading this will be to save your wallet, you’ll find some peace in knowing we’re in this together. So let’s get on with the first step in solving acknowledging our shared problem by admitting that some or all of the following shit has been going on lately:

“We”* have been frantically Googling Spell and the Gypsy Collective, Joplin Jacket or worse Spell Xanadu eBay... or even more hopelessly tragic Spell Folktown. We've been waking from dreams of blue skies and going to bed fantasizing about Lotu...actually we don't go to bed - at least not lately. We’re not sleeping much are we? No. We’re up sweating; obsessing over the one that got away... or in all probability will, at the next drop - because our internet isn't fast enough; because 7 seconds is suddenly an eternity during check out; because XS sells out first. Every. Fucking. Time. What we have is full blown PTSD - Post Traumatic Spell Disorder, with more than a healthy side case of drop anxiety.

* Please note the use of the ‘Spell sister we’ here.  Much like a ‘spousal we’ this in fact means you.

Sound about right?

Welcome friend. It's nice to have you. You’re safe here. At least until the end of May, when Lotus drops.

Ever wonder how this started? I do (and so does my husband, my wallet and all my abandoned hobbies.)

Since science is ignoring me won’t explain the root cause of my condition, I've been working on a few conspiracy theories to help explain how one innocent retail therapy sesh, consisting of a Route 66 dress, turned into a full blown brand dependency that has me mapping out intricate buying strategies a full 48 - 72 hours before every drop:

Conspiracy Theory 1: Spell infuses their hand drawn fabrics with Stevie Nick's breath which they have bottled into microscopic nanotubes that fit into the heads of sewing needles. After the Australian TGA denied approval on a Stevie Nicks Vape pen, wherein the user would actually inhale the muse’s vocal chord filtered CO2, Spell had a shitload of unregulated gypsy breath on their turquoise encrusted hands. As Spelly and Lizzy are committed to sustainability, they quickly found a way to repurpose this rare and precious resource. The result? Once you start wearing a Spell piece, Stevie’s magical gypsy breath whispers into your pores, delivering you an effortless high that obviously demands you chase it again and again... on the wings of an enormous owl, obviously. Why this is probably true: Look no further than yourself - yes or no, you increasingly find yourself totally down with multiple layers of lace you would have never considered wearing at this age (or since that rad 1990 Jr. Prom dress)? Yes or no, you have found yourself with both a Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac Spotify Channel on endless rotation? Yes or no, when someone mentions the word leather, you blurt the lyrics “take from me my laaaace?” (note: There is actually a Spell Sisters 70’s Festival Jamboree playlist on Spotify. You’re welcome from Lulu Mey, the goddess who created it.)

Conspiracy Theory 2: Spell runs a genius instagram account 782k followers strong and just when you think you can ‘totally survive without another piece from Festival ‘17 BAM - you see it styled on a muse that could easily be you. You could be in Thailand, in that backless Lolita, in front of that waterfall, with those lovely beachy waves in your hair and no shoes because you floated there (on the owl - duh.) In fact it probably IS you… because they plucked that image straight out of your unicorn mind, put a 72% Lark filter on it and fed the ‘travelling you’ right into that instagram channel. They did this as a courtesy ICYMI; you know, all the retargeting ads the other gentle signs reminding you that you actually do NEED this piece in your life and it’s no longer optional. Why this is probably true: because it is true. See: @spell_byronbay.

Pick your theory but the FOMO (Folktown Obsessed Must Own) is real. Obviously, they have put a serious Spell on us - sorry not sorry, pun was too obvious. Show me another brand tribe that feels compelled to share their instant bond on insta when they show up full twinsies at a party (Who wore it best? Both of us! Yay! Love you! Love you more! #twinsemoji) Show me another brand tribe that has women from ages 18 - 81 searching for a magical unicorn in the shape of a mumu. Show me another brand who has more authentically gorgeous UGC. See: #myspellcollection #spelldesigns #spellskirtswish #vintagespell #spellluxelace #spellfestivalstyle

While we share a familiar ache in our wallets and art museums for closets, we’re a globally diverse tribe to be sure. Still yet, with every Spell Sister you meet, you connect with a little piece of yourself, right? Just in case your affliction is fresh and you’re still trying to find your cactus rose footings... Here’s the short list of the nine Spell Sister’s you’ll meet fall in love with in the cactus garden we call Insta (ps, I’m @jennvonhagen )

1) The Unconditional Lover: She buys something from every drop, and even if she's secretly not 100% sure it works on her, she's committed to making it work and her tribe is there to help her rock it hard. Queue the extra large knotted hemline and for God’s sake woman - just belt it. Spell can do no wrong - not even a dress recall phases her - she kept that Blue Skies Maxi Wrap dress, and she wears a kimono made of bubble wrap over it - and somehow it actually works for her - because she belts it.

2) The Fresh Collector: She "just found this new brand OMG" Bae got woke somewhere right after Hotel Paradiso and she can't shut the fuck up about her OZ obsession - because she DISCOVERED it you guys. We don’t blame her for the misconception, we felt EXACTLY the same way. Her insta is full of ‘lowered gaze’ shots that have you wondering WTF she’s staring at. Educated guess - it’s 16 trash bags full of labels she’ll never wear again. Regardless, she looks amazing in that dress, so we don’t give a shit - we welcome her with open kimonos.  Babushka was her first ‘fully aware drop’; her collection has a shit ton of it. We’re simultaneously proud and worried, because she has no idea what she’s gotten into.

3) The Hider: Everything is NWT. She hasn’t even worn what she's got, and the challenge of justifying the spend is getting exponential. With her towers of white boxes getting harder and harder to conceal, the Husband is now on to her. Busted a few times during a delivery, she now sends the white boxes to the neighbors house and swears:

“It’s from Target/ I’ve had this forever/I’m borrowing it/Yay Swapped!”

(Rejoice hiders: the boxes are being transitioned out. You’ll no longer have to hide them - now you can simply obsess over collecting the cute new calico bags.)

4) The Girl Next Door: Nobody knows what she does for a living, but apparently she lives at Spell. I mean right inside the fucking Byron store... 12 minutes after a drop goes live, she's #spellswishing in the latest sold-out-soon-to-be-Unicorn. We hate her. Just kidding we love her. Just kidding we want to be her. Just kidding, we’ll settle for a sleepover - in her bohemian yurt, which is probably located right outside Spell’s cactus garden. 

5) The Historian: Her collection dates back farther than Gypsy Queen and she probably has that first Sugarhigh+Lovestoned tee they styled the early jewels with in a safety deposit box. She can recite the name of every collection and every piece in it. She can spot fakes too, because she knows exactly when the logo lock up changed thanks to Rachel Pony Gold (circa April/May 2012). She indulges in the bootstrapped sisterly romance of it all. Damn right she owns the book; it’s signed - obviously.

6) The Cheerleader: She likes EVERY photo with Spell in it, and she will tell you you look GORGEOUS every single time she sees you on Insta because she believes that you have a beautiful unicorn soul. “You in that Sunset Road + Festival ‘16 mashup = AMAZING!”

She imagines you in your private cactus garden teaching your children how to hand letter affirmation mantras and macrame their own diapers as you sip organic kombucha and braid your bestie’s hair. She loves you. So. Fucking. Much. Her pronouns are heart eye emoji and kiss emoji.

7) The Impulse Buyer: constantly swears to God and all that is will-powerful that she WILL. NOT. CAVE to the next drop. She is going to be practical for fuck’s sake. (Yah, Lotus has alot of yellows and olives.. I’m more of a “summer”) But then she buys the Joplin Jacket because Florida winters are “brutal”. She has a large return shipping bill, admits that this is merely an endless paypal exchange and knows the Customer Service Angels by name (Oh, hey Angela). She uses the RA form and chat feature to send them love notes and see how they’re holding up after each drop.

8) The Wing-Woman: you either are one, have one - or both. She’s as hardcore as you are and she doesn’t judge your illness. You both have issues. This is the person you spend hours strategizing with before every drop. You two have your own kind of math and it’s harder to follow than ‘conceptual math. But this secret Spell math is a thing of fucking beauty: no matter what the equation, you always get the answer you want: 

”Ok, I returned my Blue Skies Wrap, so I have a credit, plus what I saved on the Babushka Midi equals the price of the Joplin …. I’m net zero!” 

You size up the line, screen shotting Snapchat and teasing each other via text. You pro/con every piece based on some fictional, rational version of you that “doesn’t need another gown, but needs to go with 2 piece sets you know, for more daily use.” (Um, sure - whatever you need to tell yourself hun.)  If you’re on vacay during the drop, she’s got your back - as in your paypal payback - unconditional support is just a click away. She’s also hunting unicorns for you on the side and blowing you up on text in the middle of the night with buyer’s guilt (note the lack of remorse. There is never remorse, just fleeting guilt and temporary indulgence shaming for going overboard with both the Stardust Cami AND the Jacket “I’m a living Goddamned disco ball, WTF have I done? But I lurrve them.Yay me!)

9) The Unicorn Hunter: She’s next level obsessed, willing to throw cash and half her current Spell stash at the "last ever of it's kind, ever." ‘Evil-bay’ is alternately her nemesis, and her reluctant savior. After multiple talks off the Buy It Now button and pleas to her practical side, she eventually caves for her Unicorn, pays an obscene price and then never takes it off. See: Anything Folktown or a Xanadu Maxi Dress on eBay/Poshmark/Depop/Facebook Swap & Sell insert streaming tears emoji + unicorn emoji

As different as we may be - there’s something beyond swirling around in art that pulls us together. Perhaps it’s the addictive cocktail of anticipation + adrenaline + winning. Even as we’re confident that Spelly, Lizzy and all the Angels are sorting through the surprise growing pains, deep down we know there’s a small part of us that will miss bonding/sweating/crying over the chaos. More likely though, it’s the authentic friendships formed while supporting each other. ( I just heard a story from two best friends who met via a hashtag. They live a world apart, but talk every day.)

While I can't offer a cure (because Lotus/May/God help us), we can still justify our spending take comfort in knowing we’re not alone. (Or maybe that just adds to our stress because at least 20K+ of us have the notifications turned on for an intense Facebook page where we channel our obsession into smarter ways to buy/sell or swap more pieces.) Either way - rejoice in the Spell Sisterhood - our love runs deep, our tribe is epic and your OOTD is eternally on point.

PS - does anyone have a Turquoise Folktown Skirt and Top set in XS? Seriously, I die.

Note: You can follow more of the saga on Insta @jennvonhagen After I wrote this blog, I stumbled upon a hilarious thread on the Facebook Spell Designs Buys Swap and Sell page where fellow sisters are sharing their legit addiction and proven survival techniques. I’m currently interviewing for a follow up to this post, where I’ll share stories from all nine types of sisters. If you identify with one or more of the above, comment with your number(s) and if you’d like to be a part of the next post, message me here, on Insta or email me at jenn@ambidustrious.com

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 45)

They all went to the Trader's Guild first thing in the morning, taking jerky, cookies, and several pounds worth of stewed meat to go. Because of a penalty for “misuse, misinformation, and misconduct” from when Qrow had delivered Weiss' message to Winter, he and her waited in the lobby with the Eluna plushie, while the others—including Zwei—went off to go renegotiate their salaries, be they in Shinies, or in ingredients for baking cookies.

Though not nearly as busy as when Weiss had last been there for the Job Gauntlet, she could still hear that same musical clinking of Shinies being shaken by the counting machines ringing in the air.

“Does this place ever close up shop?” Weiss asked as they sat on a bench. “Even just for a few hours or on holidays?”

“Nope,” Qrow replied, “Guild pretty much handles all financial matters in the Valley bigger than buying booze in bulk off your local grocer, or writing a check to your cousin to pull them through for the next month, after they spent all their Shinies on buying booze in bulk off their local grocer.

“Just think of having all of your human banks, corporations, and insurance companies under one government-run location, and have a few satellite branches for convenience here and there.”

“And how do you protect against corruption? All this money and valuables under one roof is a gigantic temptation for embezzlers.”

“Very, very, very strict regulations, security, and supervision, and much more serious punishments than getting roasted over the Info-Grid, before getting away with it anyway when the red tape and the corruption doesn't let anyone actually do anything,” Qrow replied. “Authoritarianism has its perks.

“Well, that, and the shiftier clerks tend to have governors installed.”

“Governors?”

Qrow pulled up a patch of feathers that covered the back of his neck. He showed off what looked like a tiny stump growing on his skin, where his spine would be. “Guarantee for good behaviour,” he said as he hid it once more. “Mine's a deluxe that also doubles as my chronicle.”

Weiss looked at him in a mix of curiosity and horror.

“We've got ethics here in Fae society, don't worry,” Qrow said. “It's just that they can get VERY flexible when someone like me fucks up, big time.”

“What happened?”

Qrow closed his eyes, trembling as flashes of memories ran through his mind:

A cottage in an isolated island village, one of those “back-to-nature” farming communities that were escaping the city states' governments.

His sister Raven, murder and madness in her eyes, fresh blood dripping from her sword.

Summer, calmly handing him a crying bundle of blankets with two tiny nubs sticking out from it.

“Take care of Ruby for me.”

He looked away, discretely wiped the tears welling in his eyes. “It's… it's a long story, and one that I'm not allowed to tell you anyway, princess...” he muttered as he turned back.

Weiss frowned. “I… I see. Sorry for bringing it up.”

Qrow shrugged. “You didn't know, Weiss.” He stared off into the distance. “None of us did.”

“… I'm going to go review some homework Penny gave me now, if you don't mind,” Weiss muttered as she pulled out her comm-crystal.

“Knock yourself out,” Qrow said, leaning back in his seat.

The others came back while Weiss was in the middle of the beginnings of the Eldan Council, formed from the larger of the independent tribes of Fae that roamed Avalon several millenia ago. Penny and Blake got raises from their original salaries because of their training and education of Weiss in addition to being her parole watchers, Zwei managed to get a sizable advance on his from being “very persuasive,” and for the first time in a thousand years, Ruby changed the Keeper's salary from ingredients for baking chocolate chip cookies.

“Now I'm getting paid in that, and seeds and supplies for the farm so you can eventually grow them yourself!” Ruby announced happily.

Weiss shot out of her seat. “SERIOUSLY?! Ruby, Penny, we are marching back in that office and getting you a better deal!” she said, taking Ruby's hand and dragging her off with her.

“But it is better!” Ruby said as she came with. “Penny said so.”

Weiss stopped, and turned around to Penny.

“I made the calculations: with the sheer amount of calories Ruby needs to consume thanks to all her activity, eventually taking over production of some if not all of the ingredients will have us ending up with far more Shinies than if we took her payment in cash, and bought food with the equivalent amount of caloric content.”

“It's why Keepers have been paid in cookies for all this time, and the amounts were only ever adjusted for inflation,” Qrow added. “Turns out, Gabija and her beau figured out the cheapest, most efficient, and completely complaint-free way to feed these gals without bankrupting themselves, or forcing the Council to spend WAY more than they really need to.”

Weiss stared. “… Are you shitting me right now?!”

Qrow shrugged. “Hey, most of those Keepers went on to live long, happy lives, and have perfectly healthy kids on almost-exclusively cookie-based diets, right?”

“It's supported by their vitae vine data,” Penny said. “Among the many unique physiological quirks of Keepers are their ability to thrive on a diet composed almost entirely of milk, sugar, and chocolate. They're quite the treasure trove of bizarre, baffling phenomena that stump makers to this day.”

Weiss slowly turned to Blake.

She shrugged. <Valley. Don't think too hard: head-hurt.>

Weiss squeezed her eyes shut, and nodded slowly. “Let's go pawn my sister's Eluna plushie...” she muttered.

They had to wait a while at the Loans and Securities section for Nivian-speaking clerks to assist them, as Weiss was considered the borrower and the others were co-signers. Eventually, their number was called, and all of them walked up to the counter.

“Oh hey!” Nora said as she and Ren sat behind the security glass. “What a coincidence! I was wondering what kind of borrower would need someone who knew how to speak Nivian, and then I thought, 'Huh, what if it's Weiss?' and it turns out I was right!

“Isn't that neat?”

Weiss nodded slowly. “Uh… I suppose? Was the Guild short on employees today?”

Ren shook his head. “We're part-time workers here and in lots of other places,” he explained. “Me and Nora used to work all sorts of odd jobs back then, and we never truly lost the habit. So, how may we help you?”

Weiss put the Eluna on the counter. “I'd like to pawn my sister's Eluna plushie.”

Ren's eyes widened, Nora whistled. “Oh, Eluna...” she whispered, “is that an actual, limited edition Eluna plushie? I thought you could only see ones this nice in museums and collections that have their own security staff and fancy systems just for them!”

“No offense, but we'll have to verify that it's authentic first; we're still getting counterfeit Elunas every once in a while...” Ren said as he strapped on some gloves, and pulled out one of the Guild's own magical containers. “Unlock it, please?”

One by one, they pressed their hands, talon, or paw on the bubble, until it disappeared in a flash of magic.

Ren swiftly, carefully grabbed it out of the air and placed it in the Guild's container, a new bubble surrounding it. “Thank you, we'll be right back,” he said as he took it deeper inside.

Nora grabbed her hammer from under the counter and followed him.

Some time later, they returned with an entire cadre of watchers, complete with a guard wolf.

Ren set the Eluna back on the counter. “Good news: it's definitely real, and can be used as collateral for a loan.”

Weiss nodded. “How much is it worth?”

“741,000,000 Shinies,” Ren replied calmly.

Both of Zwei's jaws dropped.

“Holy fucking shit...” Ruby muttered.

Penny blinked. “I am sorry, I had not reserved enough processing power beforehand to comprehend such a large sum.”

<That… that is a LOT of money!> Blake said.

“All this time…” Qrow whispered, “all this time… we were sitting on a fucking Etherite mine…!”

Weiss finally recovered. “Is that in the condition it's in right now?”

“Yes,” Ren replied.

“It's been 12 years since production ended!” Nora added. “That's enough time for all the kids who saw their classmates showing off their Elunas to start earning serious money and want to buy their own, so they can show them up on Storybook and go, 'Look who's got an Ellie NOW, bitch?!'”

“A restoration job and the removal of the tears, snot, and despair smell is nothing compared to what people will pay for an Eluna in good enough condition,” Ren finished.

“How much is that in Urochs…?” Weiss mumbled.

Ren punched in the numbers on his terminal. “49,400,000 Urochs,” he calmly read off the screen.

“And how rich does that make me here in Fae society?” Weiss asked.

“Well,” Nora said, “we could bother you with all sorts of boring statistics about average wages, the cost of living a decent life here, and how much the richest Fae tend to have, or I could just say this:

“Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, motherfucker!”

“Please don't ask for all of that in cash,” Ren said calmly. “The Bastion does not have enough physical Shinies to pay you, and the logistics of producing that many new gems, shipping it from the other Council settlements, and transporting it to Keeper's Hollow will be EXTREMELY difficult, time-consuming, and complicated.”

Weiss held up a finger. “We'll be right back.”

“Huddle up everyone!” Ruby cried. “Emergency meeting!”

They all moved to one area, with Zwei looming over them and protecting them from eavesdroppers.

“Weiss, you're not TOO attached to that plushie, are you?” Qrow asked.

“Uncle Qrow!” Ruby snapped.

“He does have a point in that selling the Eluna plushie outright will allow us to live very comfortably,” Penny added. “With proper investment, reasonably responsible spending, and no major disasters of any sort, your descendants for the next 1,000 years will most assuredly be living extremely comfortable lives.”

“See?” Qrow said. “Penny's with me!”

“I'm not, actually,” Penny replied, “I'm merely explaining that from a purely financial standpoint, selling the Eluna plushie outright is the better decision. From a more holistic perspective, the loss of such a valued sentimental item, and the definite emotional and psychological repercussions to Weiss makes it a terrible decision.”

“We're getting that Eluna back, Uncle Qrow,” Ruby growled.

They paused for Penny to summarize and translate it for Blake.

<I agree,> she said, <we're not defaulting on that loan.>

Qrow whined. “We could use the money, can't we?”

“Yes, there is no question about that,” Penny replied, “but taking out just a small portion of the total value will allow us more than enough capital to invest into Weiss, her farm, and general improvements to Keeper's Hollow, and give us time to pay off the loan within two or three years and reclaim the plushie.

“We can even safely squeeze in a sizable amount for luxury spending, such as tickets to Eve of the Ether for four of us!”

“But no kicking back with kickass beer and market-bought meat for the rest of our lives…?” Qrow asked.

Penny shook her head. “No, all my calculations assume we continue to earn our current wages or more, and my projections on the return of investment for Weiss' farming and training, erring on the side of caution.”

<Let's vote!> Ruby said. <Sell Eluna, raise your hand!>

Qrow raised his talon.

<Get Eluna back eventually, raise your hand!>

Everyone else raised their hands or their paws.

Qrow sighed. “Alright… alright… you girls win. But can we buy a still with it first, so Weiss here can start making booze…?”

“Yes, we can, so long as you promise to keep up your end of our payments!” Weiss replied.

“I will, I will...” Qrow replied.

Penny redid their plans, and after signing contracts and earmarking money for investments for the long-run, they had four tickets to the Eve of the Ether festival in Candela, four new fake IDs in the works, and some extra money for making costumes and converting into Urochs for the night of the event.

<Are you sure you don't want to come with us to Candela, Uncle Qrow?> Ruby asked as Blake and Weiss had their pictures taken.

Qrow sighed and shook his head. <Nah, you just take Penny, and enjoy yourselves; I'm pretty sure if I meet up with you-know-who again, it'll be anything but a heartwarming reunion.>

Ruby frowned. <She stopped hating you a long time ago—what does that say about him?>

<It's not him I'm worried about, Rubes...> Qrow muttered. He smiled. <Besides, I'll probably just end up getting totally wasted with all the 'witches' brews' going around, and ruin things for everybody.>

Ruby didn't smile back.

<Next!> the photographer called out.

<Go on, they're waiting,> Qrow waved her off.

Ruby sighed, and did.

Penny was ecstatic to hear that she was getting the fourth ticket instead, and had one of the biggest, brightest smiles Qrow had ever seen when she had her picture taken. After they got their fake documentation and Info-Grid histories, memorized all the small details and answers that'd throw off suspicious Peacekeepers, they left the Guild, the girls taking about their costume plans, and Weiss advising them on which places to hit up, and in what order to get the most out of their night.

He knew he should have been happy for them, but he just couldn't shake this feeling in his gut that something very bad was going to happen soon—and as his chronicle would attest, it was never wrong...

Note: 741,000,000 Shinies = 14,820,000 US Dollars

[michelleseramarketing]

How to use copy to inspire, not pressure

In business, we sell.  It’s natural. If you have a coaching business, you provide a solution to a specific problem and you sell it.

You may not use the word sell, or maybe you do, but no matter how you label it, you sell.  Copy on your website, or on your sales pages, or in your emails does the same thing.  Most of us, by now, have made a purchase based on copy alone.

You’ve felt the tug from words you’ve read to click the button and buy.  Sometimes the compelling force was super hyped (albeit fun) language or nail-biting deadlines and countdowns, or fear of experiencing more of the frustration that the solution promised to eliminate.

This approach can lean a little to the icky side, am I right?

Yeah, it’s the nature of sales copy...to sell.  However, all copy isn’t bad or laced with subliminal messages.  Promise.

Actually, there’s another form of copy that is just as effective (if not more so) that inspires instead of pressuring.  

“What?!” you say, “Too good to be true” you mourn…

Seriously, it’s called Emotional Value-Based Copy.  

And I’d like to show you how you can bring more emotional value into your own copy, so your ‘words that woo’ are inspirational too.

Emotional Value-Based Copy or EVBC for short is simply copy written from a more emotional point of view.  It’s written based on true emotions of the reader and not over inflated or filled with 15 countdown timers that make your heart race.

(Note: countdown timers are actually good to use, but sparingly and in legitimate situations.)

EVBC is refreshing, authentic, and connects you with your people on a much deeper level.

Here are 3 ways you can bring more emotional value to what you write for your business:

Paint points (Yes, yes, I know you know about this, bear with me)

Benefits (vs. features)

Future pacing

Pain points - not your grandmother’s pain points, no.  I’m talking about pain points that let your readers know that you get them.  Like, really get them.

This is in comparison to using pain points to rub salt in wounds which can burn bridges if you’re not careful.  There’s value in bringing the pain point to the forefront of the mind to help someone make a decision on what they want to or don’t want to experience anymore.  But there’s also the kind of pain point focus that is used to agitate.  It works, but you have to be ok with what YOU write.

Here’s an example:

Old School Pain Point:

Are you in your 60’s staring down the barrel at retirement years filled with sluggish days, too many doctor visits, and a bulging waistline to boot?  It’s not going to get any better.  Studies show that 7 out of 10 men age 60 and older spend 7 hours a day in their recliner.  You might as well pick out the suit you’re going to buried in.

Refreshing EVB Pain Point:

60 is the new 40.  And while you may be feeling a little sluggish, you have the ability to turn that around.  Even if staff at your doctor’s office knows you on a first name basis, you can pick a new hobby.  Don’t give up on yourself.  You’re built solid and you have a fun-filled retirement to look forward to.  If you could sleep better, find more energy, and drop the extra weight you’ve got in the next few months, would you do it?  Just imagine what your partner will say…  Your buddies will crack jokes about keeping up with you.

And those grandkids, you’ll be wearing them out and propping your feet up before their parents get home.  

See the difference?  Great!  Now, give it a shot yourself and see what you come up with.

Benefits:

They are rarely used correctly, but hey, I understand, they’re not easy.  I have to work at benefits every single time I write them, but I get there.  Once you have them and they’re really, really good...you can use them everywhere! And they make a HUGE impact.

Use them in:

Sales pages Emails Presentations Videos Websites Funnels Print media And more

Here’s the tricky thing about benefits...they typically end up being features.  When describing our product, program, or service, we think of all the things it does or provides in terms of straight facts.  That’s good.  There’s a place for that.  But I want you to also show benefits.

What benefit does your program, product, or service provide the client?  

For example:  

The newest Wowzer Bubble Blowing Machine is:

Battery-operated

Has an automated bubble-blowing wand (with extra handheld wands)

Has a convenient hatch for adding magical bubble-making water

and more

But that doesn’t tell me, as a parent of a bubble deficient child what the benefits are for me and my kid.  

But what if instead, this Wowzer Bubble Blowing Machine is:

Cord free so you don’t have to worry that your children will trip over anything or get hurt

Allows you to be hands-free and maybe even relax a little while your kids are entertained

Easy & fast to reload with magical bubble-making water, so no screaming ensues when it isn’t making bubbles anymore

Expandable by providing extra handheld wands so your children can join in on the fun and invite their friends...happiness abounds!

Can you see the difference?

Once you’ve nailed these...they’re gold.  Gold you can sprinkle everywhere!

Future Pacing, oh how I love dreaming.  Future pacing, in terms of copy, is telling your reader what their future looks like, post-solution.  But it’s even more than that...it’s detailed, exciting, and inspiring.  

When you use this nifty little EVBC feature, you get to show them what’s possible.  It might look like this:

It’s Monday again.  You sit down at your laptop to write, but notice something missing from your usual routine.  You do a check in to see what’s amiss and realize that feeling of dread...the dread of writing is GONE.  It’s not there.

Matter of fact, you feel downright peppy.  Ever since you learned Emotional Value-Based Copywriting techniques, your writing tasks have become so much easier.

You open a blank doc and begin to type...what you need to say is flowing and feels SO good.  15 minutes pass and your next promo email is done!  You grab your cup of coffee and lean back a bit to savor the moment when a chime interrupts your quiet victory sipping.  

It’s an email alert that another sale just came in.  You open your inbox to find that since you stepped away from your desk Friday, you’ve had 5 sales come in from the email you sent out Friday afternoon!  Incredible...it’s working!  

This new approach to writing for your business has you inspired and apparently it’s reaching your people too.  

A grin spreads across your face… and it’s only Monday.

What did you think about that?  It’s a quick version of future pacing, but I’m sure you get the idea.  Give it a try.

The point here is to pull in as much real, honest-to-goodness emotion into your copy without it being hype-filled or fear-inducing.  

Show your people that you know them.  

Really know them and their pain.  Provide a solution described in a way that empowers and inspires.  Get’em saying YES through seeing what’s possible, not with heart-stopping adrenaline and impulsive fear.  Stretch your copy dollar further and create stronger longer lasting relationships with your people.

And feel good about what you write.