#miluca meta

[ober-affen-geil]

March for Meta Day 2: Season 2

Ship: Miluca | Song: "Peaceful Easy Feeling" by Eagles

Miluca was a breath for me, in season 2. I was happy to multiship, and I loved Michael and Maria when they were together. "Peaceful Easy Feeling" represents Miluca, from Michael's perspective, pretty perfectly in my opinion because it tells the story of his relationship with her.

For Michael in season 2, Maria *is* the most peaceful and solid relationship he's ever had in his life. Platonic or otherwise. She grounds him, in a way that the chorus talks about. The verses tell their story, the first one representing almost exactly how they first begin their relationship. There is some introspection and recognition of faults, and an acceptance that the relationship may not last.

The genre being country rock is the icing on the cake because what else could more perfectly describe Michael?

Lyrics: I like the way your sparkling earrings lay Against your skin so brown And I want to sleep with you in the desert night With a billion stars all around Chorus: 'Cause I got a peaceful easy feelin' And I know you won't let me down 'Cause I'm already standin' On the ground And I found out a long time ago What a woman can do to your soul Aw but she can't take you any way You don't already know how to go [Chorus] I get this feelin' I may know you As a lover and a friend This voice keeps whisperin' in my other ear Tells me I may never see you again [Chorus]

[chasingshhadows]

on michael & maria

Yup, Imma talk about it.

I’m unfortunately well aware of the ~discourse~ on this particular topic, but I have Opinions and Feelings so I’m gonna share them. In this post, I’m gonna follow their relationship from the beginning of the show through episode 1.11 (Champagne Supernova). (The events of 1.13 are a topic that I’ll be addressing separately and a bit more in-depth.)

I am in what appears to be a minority of Malex Roswell fans that thinks the show did a really great job of setting up and seeing through the relationship with Michael and Maria, both in the ways it became physical and the ways it became emotional.

Before I begin, I want to emphasize something about this relationship that seems to bother a lot of people or maybe just go unnoticed: Much of the development between these two, while absolutely present, is not overt and oft times isn’t even on-screen. I get why and how this bothers people because it’s understandable to want to see character development on-screen and not have to infer it from context or subtext, or have to rely on people like me to do the work of going through the season and finding it. Plus, that means it likely falls through the cracks for most casual viewers who don’t take the time to process and analyze the meanings behind what they’re seeing. I get that, and understand that it’s frustrating.

That said, I’m here to play with everything the show has given us, and that includes the subtleties of the Michael & Maria dynamic. I’m a master extrapolator ok.

And just a ~warning~ to the shippers reading this: This post is about Michael & Maria and their relationship and how it builds and grows. This is not an extended diss post on Maria or Miluca, so if that’s what you’re looking for, this post is not for you. That said, I would be remiss in not acknowledging to any Miluca fans reading this that I am a hardcore Malex shipper and can’t guarantee that my bias in that way doesn’t leak through. Just - you’ve been warned.

Also to clarify - when I use the word “relationship,” I do not mean Relationship like, couple. I mean, any two people that interact with each other have a relationship with each other.

TL;DR: Michael and Maria were and are far closer as friends than most people seem to believe before they became involved. The journey of them hooking up, catching feelings, and coming together is marked by progressively stronger signs of affection and attraction. The development is there, if you care to look for it.

And now that my thesis is clear, let me show my work.

Anyway. Let’s start at the beginning.

We learn right as Michael is introduced that he spends a lot of time at the Wild Pony, and that getting arrested for getting drunk and getting into fights there is a common occurrence for him. As Maria runs this bar, this means the two of them spend a lot of time together, likely at odds considering she’s probably the one calling the cops.

The first interaction they have as characters isn’t an interaction at all, and seems to contradict the last assumption, at least in one way. Because Maria sees Alex looking at Guerin and the first thing she says about it?

She acknowledges he’s “rifraff” but then immediately says she thinks he’s hot. And then at Alex’s dubious look, she tries to justify. Which means that’s something she’s noticed, and the “sex in a truck” is something she’s thought about. And she and Alex have an easy enough relationship even after a decade spent mostly apart that she feels comfortable bringing that up. She’s gossiping about cute boys with her long lost best friend and Guerin is the cute boy on her mind right now.

This, my friends, is what we in the biz like to call foreshadowing.

Now, something that is entirely not stated but is at least tangentially hinted at: Michael is a punchy drunk that intentionally picks fights at the Wild Pony. Now, who do we know who appears to also spend a lot of time at the Wild Pony and are also walking “Hit Me” signs? That’s right, Racist Wyatt & Racist Hank. I’m not saying it happens every night or even every week, but I have to imagine at least a few times over the years, Michael decided to take out his dramatic cowboy angst on the two racist assholes spouting off in the corner. And regardless of her distaste for the violence and her annoyance at needing to call the cops again, I have to imagine that Maria at least noticed that Michael is throwing punches for the right reasons sometimes. (and again, none of this is explicitly stated, but all of the pieces are laid out and it doesn’t take a casual viewer to put them together).

We first see them actually interact at the bar during the blackout and it is hella flirtatious; they’re both smirking, leaning forward, teasing. It’s playful.

More than that though, it speaks to a deeply ingrained familiarity, friendliness, and banter. Michael swipes a bottle from behind the bar - an expensive bottle, apparently - as if that’s just a normal thing for him to do. And Maria doesn’t even try to stop him - sure, she Hey!’s him, but her only objection is, “that’s a health code violation” as she goes about cleaning up the bar and collecting glasses.

Again, I know this is subtle, but it says so much about their relationship before this moment. That Maria lets him grab the bottle. That he hears that he’s caught and just…. continues opening the bottle while making a teasing comment about her power-outage decorations. That she just watches as he takes a drink straight from the bottle. The soft, teasing “Didn’t I ban you for life?”

This isn’t behavior she would allow from just any customer and especially not one who we’re led to believe is a Problem Customer. And their conversation about his tab and such indicates they aren’t like, best friends or anything, but they’re on familiar enough territory that they can joke and tease and steal liquor like it’s habit, like it’s just how they are.

And remember - they both grew up in this town. They’ve probably known each since they were 11 (when Michael was sent back to Roswell) but definitely knew each other in high school. I doubt they ever hung out or even really interacted all that much but they have that awkward “I know too much about you because we’ve been sharing space for 15 years” thing going on.

And now Maria has watched him make a valiant attempt to drink himself to death for half a dozen years and bury his sorrows in anyone that’ll have him. She’s smart, she’s learned her lesson with Chad, she doesn’t just want to be another notch in Guerin’s bedpost.

But, he’s cute and he’s safe, so she flirts.

I mean look at this:

Like fuck, she’s practically purring.

Michael is clearly on board with that mood. This is sexy, this is him fully ready to hear exactly what he can do for Maria, this is his mind in the gutter.

He makes a joke - in a super sultry voice, mind you - about being her least favorite customer, to which she laughs while passing him glasses for the tequila (yes, it’s mezcal, I know) he stole.

This is all very friendly, y’all. And that doesn’t mean they’re the braid-each-other’s-hair, tell-me-all-your-deepest-secrets type of friends, but they are friends. Not best friends, but casual friends. Almost a coworkerly-type of teasing affection. They’re two people wholly comfortable with the other, they’re fond of each other. They tease each other but there’s never any bite - it’s playful and fun and easy. They sit on opposite sides of that bar at least several times a week and yeah, Maria has to call the cops when shit gets rowdy, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate Guerin’s personality and presence, or that he doesn’t enjoy the teasing banter with the hottie behind the bar that he knows he has no chance with.

From there, Isobel steals the floor, and Maria is annoyed and not taking shit. She makes a crack about Michael’s drinking, and Isobel makes her move.

And then Maria sees something I’m sure she’s seen before when he’s with Isobel but is still at odds with the Guerin in her mind - she sees Michael being soft, tender, and concerned.

And this prompts Maria, for what I believe is the only time in the first season, to call him Michael.

Jump to the day when both Isobel and Mimi go into institutions. Maria has reached her limit. She’s strung out, she’s had to fall back on her last resort because nothing else has worked and she’s feeling like a failure; she’s feeling lost because her mom has been her rock her entire life. And Michael is actually in a similar place. He’s been trying to protect Isobel, his own rock, from herself for so long, he’s let that destroy himself, his hope, his future, and now she’s put herself in the hands of people he vehemently distrusts because he failed.

So, they’re both here to drown their sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. And again, let’s talk about the fact that Michael gets an entirely different treatment than any other customer that might walk through that door. Because what she sees in that mirror? It’s a kindred spirit. It’s a broken man who’s been crumbling on a stool in her bar for years and who looks just like she feels: like he’s just a step away from shattering.

And this is also Michael Guerin, with whom she shares an easy camaraderie, who she knows can be soft. So, she lets him stay.

One drink. No talking.

She passes him the bottle and he sighs in relief because Maria is giving him exactly what he needs right now. To not be alone with his thoughts. To lose himself a little bit in a haze, to let the alcohol blur the self-hatred swirling in his mind.

And Maria, Maria doesn’t wanna crack. She doesn’t want to fall apart, because she can’t, because it’s her job to hold it together - for her mom, for her friends, for this town. She’s supposed to be the fun, happy friend, the bartender, the good time.

She’s not allowed to break.

But she knows if she opens her mouth, she will. So when Guerin starts to thank her, she shuts him right down.

Notice that she calls him Guer? Not Guerin. Not even Michael. But Guer. That’s soft, that’s familiar. That’s a nickname, and it rolls off her tongue like that’s normal. Like she’s used it before.

It’s these things, y’all, the little things that truly show us the depth of this relationship. I’ve seen said more times than I can count that Michael and Maria’s connection, their friendship, him “knowing her”, her feelings - that they all came out of nowhere. That these two went 10 years without liking each other or being attracted to each other and ~one day~ it all just changed. And that’s just not true. This thing between them, it’s been there, simmering, slowly building. The signs are there if you know what you’re looking for, if you know what it looks like before two people that know each other fall into bed, before they catch feelings.

And y’all, these two? Are a veritable construction zone of signs.

What happens next is pivotal to this relationship. Because Maria was right, opening her mouth was a catalyst and she starts to crack, and then loses it completely.

And this, this is new for Michael. Maria never cracks, never cries. She’s a firecracker and a half, fierce and strong, she commands the room, and never shows weakness. It takes him a moment to catch up to what he’s seeing and then-

This is so soft. He lets out a comforting “hey” as he wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, holds her tight. Tries to give her the stability she’s clearly lacking, lets her lean on him for support.

He’s there for her. He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t try to tell her it’s ok. Doesn’t cross any boundaries. He’s just there, just present, and lets her take what she needs from him in that moment.

This, again, proves the depth of their bond. Their friendship. Maria wouldn’t let any deadbeat from the bar touch her like that, especially not in a moment of weakness. And Michael wouldn’t offer unconditional comfort to anyone either - he’s not cruel by any means, but few people rank high enough to deserve his kindness. But here, Maria not only lets Michael hold her, she leans in, grabs at his jacket, settles in close.

She trusts him, and he cares for her.

And you can see even as he holds her, he’s still confused. He’s still not entirely sure what’s happening, but he pulls her closer anyway. Because she needs it.

This a turning point in their relationship. This is the moment they go from banter friends to comfort friends. The moment their friendship deepens from something fun to something warm. Something real.

A few weeks later, they’ve both come off their respective cliffs. Maria has come to him for help. And as we learn at the end of the episode, there’s an emotional attachment to her request. This sign is special, this sign specifically is important to her - and she’s trusting Guerin to fix it.

Now we know that “no once can fix a car as fast as” Michael, and that Isobel, at least, has a habit of calling him to fix things for her, but what this tells us is that Michael also likely has a reputation around town as a fixer, as a handy man. Enough, at least, for Maria to know Michael can fix this. And between his reputation and her experiences with him, she knows him to be dependable and reliable enough to do this for her.

They’ve fallen back into their banter because it’s easy and it’s not heavy. Because they’re still Maria and Guerin even after a moment of tenderness. Because this is natural to them.

Now, Michael says something that apparently confuses people. Because Max says, “Dude, tell me you’re not sleeping with Maria,” and Michael immediately shoots back with, “Never!” And to some, I suppose, this feels incongruous with his behavior in the next episode. And all I really have to say to that is if I truly “never” slept with any of the people I’ve said I would “never” sleep with, my List would be like…. half as long.

Anyway, Michael brings the sign to the bar later that same day. Which is significant because - remember what else is going on that day. Isobel nearly died. He’s been running all over town with Liz and worrying about losing his sister - the single most important person in his life - and still, he made time to fix Maria’s sign.

He and Max left the junkyard right after Maria dropped it off, and we saw him at the hospital, then chasing down Liz, then taking Liz to his bunker, then to the cave, then he ran back to get Isobel from the hospital.

Which means after Isobel went into the pod, Michael went back to the junkyard to fix Maria’s sign. Just as much because she needed it as because he needed it. He needed to do it, needed to not fail someone he cared about that day. Needed to have something to show to himself that he could fix things, to prove to himself he could fix Isobel.

And when he drops it off, Maria notes how fast it was, having no idea just how fast because she doesn’t know everything that happened that day. He reiterates that he could have made her a new sign, but what he means is that he wants her to know that he would have, for her. Max once said that Michael has never done anything for anyone, while we all know that that line was a flaming pile of bullshit, it’s true that Michael isn’t someone to offer his help to just anyone; he’s picky about the people deserving of his effort and he’s letting Maria know she’s one of them.

And she softens. She opens up. Explains the real reason she needs this sign. Let’s Michael see a glimpse of something she hid from her own best friend.

It gets heavy for a moment, which is a territory they’re still figuring out how to navigate. Maria “hmms” at Michael’s “beacon” comment and he aptly puts together that that’s all she wants to say on the matter. He redirects them into more familiar territory with a teasing joke to break the tension and Maria follows him there with a, “Jerk” and a poorly disguised smirk.

It’s comfortable. Easy.

Six weeks pass before we see them together again, though it’s certainly not the first time they’ve interacted, judging by the fact that Michael has racked up another bar tab.

Maria greets him coolly - whether that’s because of her mood re: her mother, or because Alex is there and Alex has already expressed discomfort at being around Guerin (see: human trio reunion scene) is unclear, but she does greet him. Even if she’s a bit prickly, he still warrants her attention just by walking in the door.

And this may be some of my own projection, but it also speaks a little to me of Maria starting to catch on - subconsciously, at least - that she might have feelings for Michael. After my own experiences with the Chads of the world, I tend to react defensively around people I start to fall for, including being actively cool around them. It’s not pulling pigtails, not quite, but more I’m-terrified-of-you-finding-out-I-have-feelings-and-rejecting-me-so-I’ll-be-extra-unfriendly-so-you-think-I-don’t-like-you.

Michael is flirting - stung, from Alex’s rejection, and trying to get lost in a distraction - but Maria lets it slide right off her.

When we see them again in Texas, it’s awkward, but not because of them. Max and Liz are seeing each other for what appears to be the first time since her declaration that they are not meant to be, after having promised to save the life of the woman who killed her sister because she can’t stand to see Max hurt. So. It’s awkward.

Michael recognizes this immediately - having spent significant time with Liz who I’m sure pointedly refused to talk about Max, and at least some time around Max even before the 4+ hour drive in which he was fully back on his broody bullshit - so he tries to cut the tension by teasing flirtily with Maria. Because that’s a thing he can do. Something that’s natural and fun for them.

Maria teases right back, likely having seen at least some of Liz’s side of this, and makes her subtle exit, knowing full well Michael would join her and leave the two lovebirds to their awkward hello.

Note that when Michael goes into the tent to have his hand healed, he goes in with Maria. Not Max, whose idea it was. But his friend, Maria. Which means they spent the long wait in that line together. She clearly needs proof - or disproof - of Arizona’s powers as much as Max, but we all know what Michael’s hand means to him, and that he was willing to have Maria there while discussing it, potentially having it healed says, again, so much about their friendship.

Arizona talks about Michael reopening the wound in his mind and he looks to Maria for reassurance. And Maria gives that to him, freely and warmly. Organically. And you can see how much that little act helps him, that he’s able to continue forward knowing she’s there.

And when Arizona essentially blows them off, Maria - who is here, remember, to find a way to heal her own ailing mother - offers Michael the comforting shoulder rub, the defensive “Come on [let’s get out of here]”.

When Maria is upset, following Arizona’s reveal as a fraud, it’s Michael, not Liz, her best friend, that follows her. For all that Michael wanted to go in guns blazing and confront her before, he’s ready to walk away when he sees that Maria is upset.

And no, Michael is not the arbiter of friendship, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with supporting someone when they’re upset. He doesn’t know, as Liz does, that Maria does not need that, so this is his way of trying. Maria is important enough for Michael to try.

And thus gets us to my favorite scene of the Michael/Maria saga.

She says with a teasing smile on her face. She says with a fond glance at Guerin.

And his wink says he knows and he’s playing along.

When she gets up, Michael is concerned. Asking Liz if she’s going to follow her. “Don’t you think she needs a girlfriend or whatever?” Because Michael wants to make sure Maria is being taken care of.

And then.

And then.

I just. Cannot get over. This look. This is awe, this is wonder, this is heat. This is Michael for the first time seeing Maria, seeing just how strong and fierce and powerful and beautiful she really is. This is The Moment that Michael stops thinking of Maria as a fun, flirty friend, and starts seeing her as something more. As someone he might be able to really fall for. As someone who maybe, just might, be able to fill the void left behind by Alex.

And so he just stares. He cannot take his eyes off from her y’all. The whole rest of this scene is Michael just fixated on the marvel that is Maria DeLuca. He’s watching her the entire time Liz asks Max to dance. Watching her sing upon that stage. Hell, Liz has to grab his face to get him to look away and still his eyes find her again.

And Maria, for all her teasing and banter, is the one to make the first move. She extends her hand to Michael, beckons him forward and:

Imma just let that speak for itself.

She doesn’t just do it once those, she reaches for him again, just gently touching him, making contact. And it’s not just comforting contact like Michael did when she cried, or when Maria touched him in the tent. It’s not even really friendly.

No, it’s decidedly sensual. Sexy. She’s touching him in ways that are meant to illicit a reaction.

And it’s a reaction she gets, when Michael follows her from the bar.

Look at that smile. She’s teasing him, but you can see she’s happy that he’s chosen to be there, out there, with her. This is the face of a woman who’s just drunk and high enough to forget her reasons to stay away, and is just letting herself be giddy that the person she likes is here with her. She’s not thinking about her worry of being another one of Michael’s one night stands, not thinking about not letting herself get attached for fear of being hurt (spoiler alert: she was already attached).

That’s the thing, with humans. We’re really really good at lying to ourselves when we’re afraid. We’re experts at denying the existence of something that scares us, and convincing ourselves that we’re safe. Maria has convinced herself she feels nothing for Michael because admitting those feelings, even to herself, when she feels certain he doesn’t feel the same way, would be devastating. So she refuses to acknowledge it, pretends it’s not even there.

And that’s why we see such a drastic change in her behavior from night to morning. Why she was all smiles and wiles and flirtation when she was drunk, high, and looking for a distraction, but was cold and in full denial mode when she was sober and facing down the reality of the door she’d opened. Her subconscious is trying to preemptively protect her from the pain and she’s projecting her anger at herself onto Michael.

Exacerbated, I’m sure, by the fact that by the time they actually kissed, and slept together, neither of them were that drunk. We see them wander off together with a joint before Max and Liz leave the bar, and we don’t see them together again until after Liz and Max have found a hotel, gotten into bed, each tossed and turned long enough to get back out of bed, get dressed, head out to the park and talk, and then go back to bed. So I’d say it’s been at least a couple hours since their last drinks that things heat up.

So Maria doesn’t even have the excuse for herself that she was wasted because she wasn’t. Neither of them were. She let herself give into her feelings and attraction in a moment of weakness and the only one she’ll have to blame when it bites her in the ass is herself.

Even if Maria is refusing to allow herself to believe she has feelings, there is still a gut feeling that what she did was a mistake, was going to get her hurt. The mind can be interesting in that way, warning you of danger without allowing you to see what that danger is.

Michael is in a different place here. He’s upset, but in an entirely different and far more silent way than Maria. Alex broke his heart, again, just yesterday. He had to watch Alex walk away from him and for the first time, it truly felt final. Alex said it was over, full stop. I don’t think Michael had ever before thought about moving on from Alex, not really. He was always just waiting.

“Where I stand, nothing’s changed.”

But now Alex walked away and it looks like this time, he really isn’t coming back. And for the first time Mchael has to consider what his life might look like without Alex in it, and suddenly here Maria is, being the actual walking definition of charm and grace. She’s someone he knows, whom he knows to be good. She’s gorgeous and kind and beautiful and fierce. And he’s seeing for the first time just how strong she is, how courageous.

He’s mesmerized.

And he’s paying attention. To all of Maria’s little touches and smiles. To the way she seems to want exactly what he wants. Which is why he’s so unaffected by her protests and denials the next morning. Because this is Maria, his friend. He teases and pokes fun because they’re friends and he can. And because, as everyone in Roswell knows, Michael is an expert at navigating the awkward morning after, so he eases her panic about people finding out, and then teases some more.

Michael’s in a great mood. The sun is shining, there’s a gorgeous woman lying next to him, and maybe for the first time that he can remember, he’s not thinking about Alex. Or Isobel. Or anything that hurts.

That doesn’t last though. Alex shows up, reignites every emotion Michael has ever felt for him, and leaves Michael more certain than ever that he’ll never get to have Alex the way he wants him. (I have another meta on this coming, I promise). And so he’s hurt and alone again.

And he has Maria’s necklace.

So he decides to give it his best shot. He brings her the necklace, laying on a casual desire. Keeping it cool while still making clear what he wants.

And I’ve already talked about what happened with Maria and Alex between the ride home and Michael showing up, but the important take-aways here are:

Maria did not truly accept her feelings for Michael until she heard herself lie about them to Alex

Maria does not know Alex and Michael’s history beyond “they kissed once as teenagers” and “Alex still loves him”

Maria never wants to see that look of pain on Alex’s face again

And Alex knowing about them sleeping together also tells Maria that Michael, within hours of promising not to do so, told him. So she’s understandably pissy about that.

She cuts right to the chase when Michael starts to flirt.

And Michael’s face is… wounded.

Because he came to Maria to forget about Alex. He came to Maria because he likes her, and because he wanted to see if that spark he felt could light a fire, could turn into something real. He’s exploring, for the first time, the potential of really falling for someone who isn’t Alex.

And that’s what it is, at this point: potential.

But Maria says no, so he does with Maria the exact same thing he did when rejected by Alex - he deflects. Pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “Why do you keep saying it can’t happen again, I got it the first time. That’s not why I’m here at all!” (narrator voice: it was, in fact, exactly why he was there).

And both of their faces when Michael walks away tell us this isn’t want they want.

This scene is a little bit devastating. Seeing Maria refuse herself something she wants. Seeing Michael once again turned away due to something outside his control.

But he takes the hint and leaves. He’d made an attempt and was shut down, and he wasn’t going to push it.

It appears they don’t see each other again until the morning of the Gala, when Maria straight up pretends she doesn’t see him.

And Michael calls her on it, because it’s bullshit and he knows it. They were friends before they slept together and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let that get in the way of what appears to be his only human connection aside from Alex.

Maybe it’s me, but this line was delivered with exactly the right amounts of relief and disappointment. Relief that she won’t have to endure seeing Michael in a tux. Disappointment that she won’t get to see Michael in a tux. It’s a Mood.

Michael makes a joke because that’s what they do. Maria said no, but he wants to ease them back into their friendly camaraderie. He doesn’t want to lose his friendship with Maria.

But Maria can’t do what she and Michael do. Because what she and Michael do is why she fell for him. So she can’t let them go back to being banter friends across the bar, not yet anyway. She needs time and she needs space so she can get over him.

Not to mention: Maria doesn’t know. Period. Maria doesn’t know Michael’s feelings for her might be genuine. Maria doesn’t know that Alex and Michael’s history is fraught and traumatic and painful. Maria doesn’t know that Michael and Alex were seeing each other over the summer. Maria doesn’t know that their history doesn’t start and end with that kiss in the museum. She doesn’t know that Michael still has feelings for Alex. And while Maria knows Alex is in love with Michael, she doesn’t know he’s made any effort to show that to Michael.

And she doesn’t want to hurt Alex. He’s always been there for her and she wants to protect him. To protect herself.

So she makes a jab about the museum - it was intentional insofar as she meant to drive the wedge of Alex further between them, but again, she does not know what else happened after Michael kissed Alex at the museum. She isn’t trying to hurt Michael here, she’s trying to build a wall.

When Michael says “It’s over. It’s been over,” she has no reason not to believe him.

And Michael isn’t saying that because he’s trying to come on to her again. He’s saying that because he can see that Maria feels guilty and he’s trying to assuage that. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

The look Maria gives Michael here. The glance to his lips. She is gone on this man already. She wants him. She wants to believe him. She wants to be allowed to give in to him.

But she’s not. So she throws up more spikes and walks away.

This moment makes a whole lot more sense if you remember that, as far as we know, Michael has only ever given even a single shit about two humans in his entire life: Alex and Maria. We know what Alex is and was to him, the narrative makes it absolutely clear that Michael has been in love with Alex for a decade and has essentially been idling, just like Max, for Alex to come back. He sees their love as cosmic.

And we know what Maria is to him. She’s his friend. Someone who gets him, at least the little stuff. The light stuff. His sense of humor, his penchant for drowning his sorrows in substances, his compassion and his dependability.

Someone threatening that friendship? The one and only truly painless thing he’s ever found on this forsaken planet? Not a smart person.

Michael and Max make it to the Gala and that protective streak flares again. Because he was right. And Maria is innocent and now she’s vulnerable, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let anything happen to her.

This is him continuing to not push boundaries, even when she can’t hear him. She said they can’t continue whatever it was they started, but they were friends before that and he wants to go back to that. Go back to fun.

Not to mention that he is visibly worried in a way we have only seen him express before for Isobel and Alex.

He sits there, holding her, letting his presence be known as a comfort, stroking her hair.

So that when she wakes, she knows immediately that she is not alone. That she is safe and being looked after.

And at the first sign that she may not want him there? He immediately offers to leave, and not only leave, but find someone else she trusts to look after her so that she still won’t be alone.

“You gotta stop showing up for me like this, Guerin.” is what she says, but what she means is “you have to stop reminding me why I fell for you. Stop making it so hard for me to get over you just by being you.”

(And also just a reminder here that Maria is still under the influence of an inhibition-lowering drug. That means it makes her do and say things she would not normally allow herself to do/say. She’d never have admitted these feelings to Michael had she been sober, or under the influence of an intoxicant she’s used to, but this is not that. This is literally a date-rape drug and anyone who has anything shitty to say about Maria in this scene can Fite Me.)

And when Maria says that she never wants him to leave?

Riley put it best: “That is not the face of a man whose feelings have just been reciprocated. That is the face of a man whose life just got very complicated.”

His lips barely twitch towards a smile but he can’t even hold it. He knows he’s supposed to be happy, but he can’t feel it. He wanted to believe that he could want this, that his feelings for Maria could drown out the way he feels about Alex, but like with Maria not realizing her feelings until she heard herself lie, I don’t believe Michael truly recognized his lack of feelings until he heard Maria admit the depth of hers.

I think Michael absolutely, 100%, no doubt cares deeply for Maria. I believe he is unquestionably attracted to her. I think she makes him happy and feel light because she’s not bogged down in the trauma that marks his life, and because she, by her own admission, actively tries to be the Fun Friend.

And I think Michael wants to have feelings for Maria. Because he believes he can’t have Alex and continuing to dwell on that will only continue to hurt him. He wants to move on, and Maria is literally walking perfection. There is no reason Michael shouldn’t absolutely return every bit of her feelings and then some.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. His heart belongs to another.

Now we don’t see the end of the night for Michael and Maria, but we do know that he takes her home. How do we know this? Because there’s no way a man who emphatically threatened to explode anyone who came near her while she was drugged would let her go home alone. Not a chance in hell. I doubt they talked at all, but he made sure she made it home safely.

And that, as far as we know, is the last time that they see each other before the finale, before Michael shows up wrecked and broken and needing to feel something, anything, that doesn’t hurt.

I’ll be diving into his, Maria’s, and Alex’s headspaces, and then taking a look at the dynamic as a whole, but none of what happens in the finale makes any kind of sense if you don’t fully recognize everything that came before it. What lead to it. It was a perfect storm of emotion and heartbreak, and this is just one cloud.

[powderseal]

wild to me how in 1x13 michael told both alex AND maria that he wanted to have conversations with them about their relationships and then in 2x01 after blowing them both off, alex was concerned and reached out in a supportive way that offered michael a healthy coping mechanism while still giving him space, while maria immediately assumed the worst of michael, complained about him to other people, encouraged him to drink, and then yelled at him for kissing someone else even though they weren't even remotely together much less exclusive AND YET alex is the manipulative, controlling one who calls all the shots in his and michael's relationship and pushes michael around emotionally

[pastelwitchling]

You see? You see what happens when They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named isn’t forced down our throats? We get plot, we get important scenes, we get chemistry.

What can I say about this episode? This is probably going to be my shortest post because everything I want to say is pretty much summed up in one sentence; aside from the pointless and ridiculously boring scenes with Steph, this episode was awesome. Everything from Alex’s interactions with his father, with Michael, with Isobel, it was all so brilliant.

Walt -- gods, that story was fascinating. That boy took my breath away, I found myself sobbing in shock and fear for his safety. Credit where credit’s due, he was truly brilliant. Sanders’s scenes with Michael were phenomenal. I sobbed at the end with Michael, I felt that scene was truly earned. It was so beautiful.

Three huge problems for me were resolved this episode. I’ll start with the one that hasn’t been bothering me since season one, and that’s Sheriff Valenti. The way that was handled was really well done, I hope we’re done with it, and it really won me over because she was very kind, very motherly towards Max, and Max’s scenes were so phenomenal, in my opinion. Nathan really outdid himself portraying perhaps some underlying darkness to Max that we’ve never really seen before, and I’m very interested to see where they go with that.

Second problem; Michael’s victimization. If you’ve been following me since season one, you’ll know this is has been a big pet peeve of mine; Michael constantly makes himself out to be the victim, constantly demonizes the people around him in an excuse to be continuously angry with the world, and it’s never been addressed as a problem, so I feared it would never be resolved. And yet Isobel called him out on it, and I felt so grateful. Finally, this was acknowledged, and I’m so glad it was because hopefully, now it can be dealt with (hopefully with Alex).

Third problem; of course, if you know me, you know I was going to talk about this scene; Malex’s scene outside the Wild Pony. First, let’s all just take a second to be happy that there’s no chance of that scene being cut out now, and that the only picture ever released for 2x10 was the one with Alex and They-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, so hopefully, that scene is going to be the one cut. And thank the gods, the last thing I wanted to see was those three in a scene together.

But the Malex scene, when Michael looks up, surprised, and says, “You came,” and Alex just responds, “You asked me to.” That was everything, and when I saw it, I could only sigh with relief and say, Finally. If you’ve been following me since season one, you’ll know the one thing I’ve been defending, I should say, is Alex walking away because no one ever told him they wanted him to stay. There was always a lot of talk about Alex leaving, Alex walking away, but Michael never once sought him out, never asked him to come or to stay. Now, we finally got to see Michael understand that Alex would do anything for him, if he only asked. That Alex would always have come for him, would have done anything for him, if he’d only asked. I can only hope that, going forward, he takes that to heart and that it holds the greatest weight in his heart.

When Alex told Michael he knew that Michael loved him, I just saw such love and misery in Michael’s expression, in the flutter of his eyes. Misery that he was now in a relationship with someone he had to act around, someone he couldn’t talk to or be himself with, finally noticing that Alex was always right there, that he really wouldn’t have left if Michael had just asked him to stay, and that he might’ve blown his chances with him for good.

In terms of the reason all the people Jesse has come into contact with have fainted, I think that, when Jesse touched them, he left some undetectable drug on their skin, and that white light is actually some kind of reactive light that causes the person with the traces of the drug on them to pass out. We’ve seen it happen to Mimi (I’m guessing Jesse was easily able to make it to her), to Jenna, to Charlie, to Max, and now, the only person left who we’ve seen Jesse touch and is still safe, is Alex.

All in all, wonderful episode. I won’t be speculating on future episodes because it’s a headache. I want Alex to get kidnapped, whether it’ll actually happen, I don’t know. I can only hope.

[bestillmyslashyheart]

alright buckle up because I’m about to defend miluca (somewhat)

first off, in case it has somehow missed anyone’s notice, I do not like miluca. I think the entire relationship was a mistake and it did neither character involved any favors and the screentime that was spent on them could have been better spent in other ways, one of which would have been making them friends. In part because Michael desperately needs a best friend and also because I hate the narrative idea that Michael needed a different relationship from Alex to grow as a person when he should have spent time focusing on himself (with the help of an awesome best friend in Maria) but then again this show doesn’t seem to know how to write friends who don’t have sex with each other and aren’t related soo that wasn’t going to happen (also the writing on the wall from the writers, cast, and the writing itself was that miluca wasn’t going to last so I never understood the point in wasting what was clearly valuable screentime on a relationship that was going nowhere but i digress)

that being said! the finale royally fucked Maria and miluca. Regardless of how you feel about their relationship (and as previously stated i didn’t like it), the fact remains that they had a relationship. And as best I can figure from all the time jumps and the comments made in the finale, it lasted on and off for about a year. That’s not an insignificant amount of time. Hell, from what we’ve heard from them it’s possible it was the longest relationship either of them have had. It’s huge! And it was completely swept under the rug IMMEDIATELY. Literally the very next scene after Maria broke up with Michael (for choosing to put herself and her desires for her life over her relationship which I applaud because better she choose for herself then decide to remove herself from malex’s path which was slightly hinted at the end and I could’ve done without), the writing reminds the audience that Michael and Alex are ‘cosmic’ and it does this by directly paralleling them to Tripp/Nora. They get the same use of the word cosmic to describe their relationship and its that relationship which is partially responsible for Maria’s existence, right? Tripp protected Louise because he loved Nora. Ergo, Maria is alive because of a love/relationship that is directly paralleled to Malex. (I’m not entirely sure what conclusions to draw from that but it doesn’t sit right with me)

AND THEN we get the song in the bar. I love the song. I loved the looks between them. I loved Michael deciding it wasn’t his and Alex’s time right now but that it would be one day. I hated that the reason their time isn’t now is because of Forrest and NOT because he literally just broke up with Maria. The narrative literally said miluca meant nothing to Michael because he was immediately hopeful again (and almost ready until he saw Forrest) to jump back into things with Alex. And yes, we’ve seen throughout the season that their connection and the love between them is still very much a thing but we’ve also seen Michael rejecting it in favor of Maria until suddenly that doesn’t matter??? Just because Maria dumped him doesn’t mean he stopped loving her. The reason he walked away in the finale should have had something to do with that and with the fact that he really shouldn’t be thinking about a new relationship just days(? weeks? idk how long its been) after ending his relationship with Maria and yet we get nothing to suggest that she factors into his decision at all. It’s bs.

And one more thing. Isobel. Isobel who told him to move on from Alex in s1. Isobel who has been relatively supportive of Maria and miluca throughout s1. Isobel who has never spoken to Michael about Alex SINCE telling him to move on. And now she’s suddenly on board? Now she’s trying to get Michael to stay, to remind him that there’s hope for him and Alex? How is the audience supposed to interpret her lack of giving a shit about Maria and the relationship her brother just got out of? To me, it tells me that Maria and miluca was a stepping stone back to malex and now that they’re done (now that Maria broke up with him because Michael couldn’t even do that even though he’s then immediately ready to go back to Alex?? If he was ready he should’ve/would’ve ended things with Maria on his own) it means nothing. All of it, every scene following their breakup told me that miluca meant nothing and that’s a complete disservice to a relationship they spent a season on and that the characters spent a year on. It’s also a huge slap in the face to Maria who’s entire narrative was Michael this episode.

[yangsharperavery]

just thinking about how michael guerin has a sizable abandonment wound and always has and that maria deluca fits in it perfectly while also verbally assuaging it.

when he contemplates something happening to her she doesn’t say “i’ll be fine” or “i’ll be careful” or some other statement that centers her wellbeing, the topic at hand.

she says “i promise i’m not going to leave you alone.”

she promises not to leave him. she promises not to leave him alone because she KNOWS how deep that wound is for him.

she won’t leave him. she won’t abandon him.

he’s safe in needing and relying and loving her because she’s not going to disappear like everyone else.

this is what michael needs, what he’s always needed.

this is also why he’s so soft with and has this propensity to take care of her. it gets to the vulnerable crux of his inherent disposition.

[angrycowboy]

I've been trying to sort thru my feelings on this messy CW show about alien cowboys that I adore so much. Fair warning, this is literally just my ranting and my thoughts on Malex and Miluca as I try to work through them.

Post-season finale there have been a bunch of interviews with Carina. But there is one that stuck out to me. In it, Carina talked about not falling into harmful stereotypes regarding queer characters, but also making sure to make those characters flawed and human. And in regards to Michael and Alex, as well as Isobel, I believe she has truly suceeded. RNM has three queer main characters with different life experiences, that make them relatable in different ways, and are nuanced enough that no one person is ever going to relate 100% to them. And that part of the show makes my queer heart so fucking happy.

This of course got me thinking about and talking to others about harmful stereotypes surrounding black characters, and in the case of RNM - black women. Because where RNM succeeds with it's queer characters, it fails with Maria DeLuca. The show, I believe, had a great opportunity to take the stereotypical "strong black woman" trope and turn it on it's head. And for almost two seasons, it seemed like it could very well head in that direction. Specifically when the show introduced the idea of "Maria DeLuca is her own savior" in 1x09.

I am definitely all for the idea of needing characters to grow, and learn, but the execution here was bad. Mainly because of the uneven attention paid to Malex vs Maria, and by extension, her relationship with Michael. Because it's important to remember that just because Miluca was a straight-passing ship, that does not make it "just another m/f relationship." Not when Michael is a bisexual man, and Maria is a black woman. And asking that Miluca (or even any relationship Maria enters into) be given the same depth shouldn't be a controversial statement that puts people on the defensive. Fans should not have to constantly demand better treatment of the show's only black character. Making Maria half-alien should make her integral to the plot, and we should have seen her alongside Michael, Alex, and Isobel as they went about discovering their shared family history. Instead, it’s felt like the show has dragged it’s feet in including Maria into the main plot. 

Given the uneven pacing of the show, which leaves less room to develop it's character beats, you do have to pay a little bit more attention to truly get at the depth of the relationships between characters on the show. And make no mistake, Miluca had build up, and Michael has genuine feelings for her. But the show failed in several places with them. To make it believable that Miluca was more than just a stepping stone for Michael, Miluca should have been given more emotional beats the same way Malex is built up. Because now the show has played into the stereotype that the black woman is nothing more than a helping hand.

One thing that the show could have done differently was the handling of the Miluca break-up. Some knew it was coming, specifically because of Carina's loud support for Malex (something also understandable at the same time as a relationship she created), but it directly conflicted interviews where fans should see Miluca as it's own relationship separate from Malex. How do viewers and fans do that when 2x13 ended with showing that Miluca was in service to Malex all along? You can't. It's made worse by removing Maria as a love interest and not giving any inclination that she'll have another any time soon. Because while there is a popular idea that the aliens imprint (something that we see with Nora/Tripp, Louise/Bronson, Max/Liz, and Michael/Alex), we've also been told that Isobel is getting another love interest in her arc, and it can be assumed that Isobel will eventually find her "person" in the same way. So the question remains is, given Maria is now established as half-alien, does this aspect apply to her? Because it's a bad look if it doesn't. And so far, the show has given no indication that Maria, Mimi, and Patricia have existed for any reason other than to be in service of white characters.

I've watched a lot of bad shows over the years, and I am still constantly frustrated by some portrayals of queer characters in the media, but as a white woman, I have no idea what it is like to be a black woman (to say nothing of black queer women) who constantly sees black female characters relegated to nothing more than a stereotype, as well as to deal with fandom racism when they dare speak up for better writing, and better representation of themselves in media. It is understandable to me, why so many Maria/Miluca fans have left the fandom, or stopped watching the show completely. Black fans should not have to constantly settle for mediocre portrayals of themselves in media. And more people need to speak up and understand why these stereotypes that are rooted in systemic racism continue to exist so that change can happen.

The Malex fandom also needs to acknowledge it’s role in this as well. It’s hypocritical to blame it all on the writing, and then constantly engage in ship wars - particularly when the argument then centers around understanding which couple is “endgame” or that Michael & Maria are “better as friends.” Because if fans of the “endgame” ship are certain, there should be absolutely no need to attack, harass, or even engage with, fans of a different ship. And in the case of Malex and Miluca, Malex fans should never have been resorting to the degrading racist insults that were constantly thrown around because Maria was being seen as a threat to a “queer ship.” Insults that also sought to erase Michael’s established bisexuality because Maria is a woman. (Sidenote: I’m mostly referring to tumblr here, as I don’t really pay attention to fandom on twitter/FB/IG.)

[manesalex]

Can I ask what about episode 2x07 left you feeling hopeful about Malex? Because I am desperately looking for hope!

Of course! First, I want to say that art is art and there is no “right” way to interpret it. I firmly believe that there are as many different versions of the show as there are viewers and I’m not here to argue with anyone about whose is the right one, merely to defend my right to have my own take.

That said, let me get to the episode! I’m going to have to talk about two of the M!luca scenes in the episode to make my interpretation clear, so be warned.

Okay, so the first time the M!luca relationship comes up is Michael telling Max “You don’t need the added stress, let’s just be happy where we are.” He follows this by glancing at Maria. It’s not subtle, imo. It felt like confirmation of my belief that he’s avoiding the more complicated relationship with Alex (and all the pain that comes with working through that) for something simple with Maria.

There are a few more M!luca scenes that read as forced and uncomfortable to me.

And then we have the final M!luca scene. I only watched it once, so I apologize if I’m not getting the order of things correct, but this is what I saw when I watched it. So, Isobel and Michael are talking. Isobel brings up her “Stepford Wife act” and says that now she’s done with that and she’s trying to figure out who she is, which includes understanding her past. Michael says that he’s been trying to get away from the past but that it keeps pulling him back in. That’s when Michael refers to Maria as a “good thing”. It’s directly contrasted with all the painful stuff he’s trying to ignore. It feels like a callback to those scenes in the finale about moving forward and forgetting the past.

To me, this episode felt like very clear confirmation of my speculation about the differences between Michael’s relationships with Maria and with Alex and what they represent.

Michael’s relationship with Maria is him running away from the past, pushing down and hiding away from parts of himself, and trying to be “normal” (note: I hate that word, but that’s the best one for what I think is going on).

Michael’s relationship with Alex, on the other hand, is him confronting his problems and his pain and working through them to, eventually, heal. It’s him accepting who he is and being his true self.

Eventually, Michael will no longer be able to run away from the past, push down parts of himself, or try to be “normal”. In fact, his insistence on healing Maria, in spite of her disinterest in it (and her interest in being “special”, re: not “normal”), might be what breaks that wide open.

So, yeah, I thought this episode was great for Malex. I’m not expecting anything in the short term. But, in the long term, I think Michael is going to be headed back to Alex when he’s ready to accept himself.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Maria - Loneliness and Hope

I have a confession, when I first read spoilers about s2 I did not like the sound of what was happening with Maria. It made no sense to me. But after seeing 02x01, I get it. And it's so painful.

Ten years ago, Rosa died.

Liz left Roswell, and never looked back.

Alex enrolled in the military and went off to war.

Maria lost all her closest friends in a matter of weeks. But, she still had her Mom… until she didn't. Until that rock was stolen from her, too. Until she had to spend years alone.

At the start of 02x01...

She doesn't know Rosa is alive.

Alex just reenlisted in the military.

Liz is leaving Roswell.

It's the same thing, only worse. Because now her Mom only recognizes her on the good days.

She is looking into her future and seeing herself alone again, and she can't handle it again. It's too much this time.

But Michael? She knows he'll be there in Roswell. And she's gotten to know him better now, so she's decided he's worth the risk.

Because no matter how many times hope breaks her heart, Maria always comes back to it. Because on the bad days, hope is all she's got.

[tennesseewilliamshakespeare]

the treatment of a black female character on a show where she is one of the only black female characters will always be worth discussing but like... this is a show where the only south asian man abused, manipulated, and violated the consent of a white woman for YEARS, which included literally controlling her body on multiple occasions. on one of these occasions, he used her body to murder a latina immigrant and two other white women. the white woman’s two (white) brothers covered this up in a way that placed the blame for all three deaths on said dead latina immigrant (by making it look like she had been driving under the influence and crashed with the other girls as passengers) which led to her family being targeted by racist violence for years including her sister being FATALLY SHOT. the white woman then manipulated said sister into leaving town before her sister’s funeral. upon returning to town, one of the white brothers, who is now a cop, becomes the sister’s love interest and she’s mad at him for a bit when she finds out the truth but not for more than an episode. ADDITIONALLY, the white woman and her two white brothers are aliens from outer space and the show is clearly trying to push the idea that that’s the same as being undocumented. 

the question of whether or not this show is racist doesn’t come down to whether malex or miluca happens because there’s no question. 

[haloud]

maria and liz, 1x13

This scene has been a bit of a contentious one for a number of reasons, and there are a number of conversations worth having about it. But one thing that jumped out at me upon a rewatch is that the feeling among some of us that the scene has liz “choosing sides” within the love triangle isn’t actually the case at all.

The scene starts with Liz coming in and flopping over on her friend, complaining about not wanting to be an adult for a while, to which Maria hums in grim agreement and takes a drink. Then they talk for a bit about Maria’s necklace, which leads to Maria saying that Michael fixed it and now it mostly makes her think of him, which devolves into her confessing that she’s developed feelings for him. Liz says “oh my god!!” a lot, Maria tells her to stop, because Alex is in love with him.

Liz immediately pulls back and repeats “That’s...a lot” several times.

The very next thing she says is “Have you talked to Alex?”

Maria has continued to drink through this whole conversation. She replies, with her voice kind of choked up and conflict all over her face:

And then Liz says:

Hey. You can’t choose who you fall for. Love is scary--if we could choose, we wouldn’t fall at all, and...whats the fun in that? You can’t be guilty of something you can’t control.

Liz’s voice throughout is encouraging, but it’s not happy. Particularly on “what’s the fun in that,” she sounds almost sarcastic, begrudging. Liz’s own experience and the difficulty loving max has put her through over the course of the season, the way she’s both opened herself up to love and the way she describes loving max as teetering on the edge of a cliff, it’s all coloring what she says here. It isn’t as easy as one friend giving another a pep talk. It’s way heavier than that.

And immediately after, Maria swallows, whispers “Yeah,” and looks away. This is the closest she gets to a smile.

She’s trying, trying to accept Liz’s support, but the guilt she’s feeling can’t be talked away in one conversation. Nor is Liz telling her to “go for it,” to pursue Michael regardless of Alex’s feelings. Both of them recognize the difficult pressure the situation puts on their friendship. Maria is thinking of Alex when Liz walks in. Alex is the first thing Liz brings up when Maria confesses to her. No one here is trying to pick sides. All Liz is saying is that drowning in guilt isn't a healthy or helpful way to deal with the situation, or fair to herself. And she’s right.

I can imagine a scenario where Liz talks to Alex and says basically the same thing. Where he confesses to her that he pushed away the guy he loves, and that guy has started developing feelings for maria. And liz says "that's a lot. have you talked to maria?" and alex says "no, i can't, what right do i have to get in the way of her happiness, im too full of regret and what ifs and guilt" and liz says "hey, everyone makes mistakes, and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You can’t control who you love.”

Liz isn’t taking sides. She cares about both her friends, the conversation is just naturally weighted toward who she’s talking to in the moment.

And Maria stays consistent—later, when Michael comes to the Pony, she’s happy to see him (because he makes her feel cared for! Who wouldn’t be?) but still conflicted. They kiss, but after a few seconds she pulls back a little and says “We really need to…” and he knows she’s about to say “talk” and shuts the conversation down by going to play guitar.

Maria cares deeply about Alex. Whatever your feelings regarding if she’s being “selfish” by falling for Michael and kissing him despite knowing Alex’s history with him, it’s just a canon fact that Alex’s feelings have been constantly on her mind since she learned of them. When she tells Liz that her necklace makes her think of Michael now, she isn’t happy about it, she’s upset. She’s drinking, close to tears, having to drag out the words because she’s being torn up by them. Liz sees this, and tries to comfort her by reminding her that emotions like love are out of our control—not by telling her “fuck Alex, get your man.” Liz isn’t always the greatest friend, but she loves deeply and tries her best even when her nature makes her miss her friends’ emotional needs sometimes. She wouldn’t throw Alex over like that.

I’m no fan of love triangles, but if we’re being faced with one, I prefer one where the characters involved act like adults, and that’s what’s happening in this scene. Don’t bottle things up; communicate with your friend about your feelings and his. It may hurt, but no one is at fault for feelings they can’t control, and talking about it now is better than letting it fester. I hope we see more of this going forward until the love triangle plot is finally behind us.

[ober-affen-geil]

I have. Thoughts. About Michael pulling away from physical contact with Maria in 3x01 (illustrated beautifully here in this set).

*Disclaimer, this is not an anti-Maria post, this is simply “from Michael’s point of view”. I have written a post about why I feel Maria made the choice to break up with Michael and I sympathize with her decision; I will not condemn her for it.*

It’s just. We know Michael is an extremely tactile person, touching is how he talks. With Maria we did see more explicit communication with him voicing his wants/needs (A GOOD THING), but physical contact is where Michael’s comfort zone is. Both literally and figuratively.

So for him to pull back from a comforting touch from Maria shows not only how much she hurt him by breaking up with him, but also how much she still means to him. He himself told her that breaking up with him would not mean he wouldn’t care any more, and we saw what that looked like in that moment. Because Michael Guerin doesn’t do casual. Not really.

[powderseal]

i was thinking about how much it bothered me that the show was telling us that michael was “not ready” for a relationship with alex yet he was fine to continue on being with maria after a year of an allegedly good/healthy (?) relationship, and it got me thinking about how michael’s entire relationship with maria, including the decision to have one, was driven by his fear of abandonment

he’s too afraid to try again with alex because of how much it will hurt when (inevitably in michael’s mind) alex leaves again, and after the incredibly traumatic losses of his mother and max, with maria he is reassured by the fact that she wants him to be there (something he questions in all his other relationships) and that she’s very much rooted in roswell 

and once he latches on the relationship, he immediately throws himself all in, doing everything he possibly can to convince maria not to leave him/prevent her from being taken away from him.  they’re not even really dating when he fucking moves into her parking lot. he falls over himself to care for her and to support her and refuses to ask her for anything for himself in case he becomes “too much”.  when her health becomes a concern, he fixates on that and his conflicting urges to unconditionally support her so she doesn’t leave him and to unconditionally protect her so she isn’t taken from him build up and create problems in their relationship.  

i think it makes sense that maria wouldn’t necessarily see this for what it is, at least not right away, and for a while she continued on in the same vein (banter, flirty insults) unaware of the paradigm shift for michael.  i didn’t love the way maria treated michael as a partner (she seemed comfortable assuming everything she thought she knew about him on the surface level was true and didn’t show much interest in getting to know him on a deeper level, but he was also intentionally hiding his deeper self from her as mentioned above) but other than the insanity that was 2x06 she was clearly coming to the relationship from a healthier, less codependent place.  

but it makes me really sad that neither isobel or liz (michael’s only actual friend now that maria is his romantic partner) ever felt the need to check in on michael or support him in making sure he was getting what he needed emotionally. it seems like everyone just assumed the relationship would be good for michael because they think maria is better than him and also they were buying into the heteronormative trope of a woman “fixing” a man. (alex gets a pass here because he’s clearly coming from a position of internalized homophobia and low self-esteem when he supports their relationship and he does actually try to be there for michael throughout the season.  kyle also gets a pass because he got no screentime.)

anyway, as this all built and got more upsetting for me to watch michael agonize over for the course of the season, what WOULD have made sense, for their breakup and for michael to walk away from alex afterwards, would have been for michael to identify those issues that had plagued their relationship and realize that he needs to work through that so that he can want good things for himself

instead the person he has been clinging to all year dumps him and he doesn’t even really seem to care??? even though avoiding that was a huge motivator for all his actions this season???

in conclusion 1) michael proved definitively that he is capable of being “good for” someone else but doesn’t know how to be good for himself, 2) the way michael and maria’s relationship was embraced by michael’s friends/family showed a disturbing lack of concern for michael’s well-being given the context of all of the insane shit he went through right before it started, 3) i hope michael realizes that to be in a place to be with alex, what he needs to change is how he sees himself, and to try to accept that he’s worthy of love and support from his partner (and friends and family and surrogate dad and definitely at some point a dog)

[pastelwitchling]

Mamma mia. Here I go again.

Okay. Throughout most of the episode, and for hours afterwards, all I did was feel numb and cry, so I won’t pretend this was a pleasing episode on all accounts. It’s morning now, and I feel more clear-headed, so let’s begin, shall we?

First of all, as I always do, I want to start with Alex. He’s my soul, my heart, my magic, my everything, and seeing him is always, always worth it. It’s been established that Alex is a Captain with his own team that obey his orders (a piece of my heart was branded by Alex Manes that day, and I am proud of that).

Now we get to the painful parts, the parts that had me muttering to the screen and myself the entire episode. I’ve gotten question after question of some of you guys asking me if Alex is acknowledged, if Alex is treated well, if Alex is spoken to, and this, unfortunately, was the source of my miserable mumblings because the cruel answer is no. The serious lack of anyone mentioning or even acknowledging Alex downright baffled me. After Alex lets them into the facility, that’s pretty much the end of anyone asking him any questions, or even trying to pretend they were worried about him.

No concerns about; What if you get caught? What if they find out you let us in here? What if you get in trouble? Maybe we shouldn’t be here, if it might get you found out.

The closest we came to it was Michael asking Alex what he tells his team, and Alex saying his team doesn’t ask questions, and I -- honest to the gods -- can’t tell if it’s concern for Alex or concern for himself or just sheer, pointless curiosity. I like to think it’s concern for Alex, I definitely feel like there’s a constant concern for Alex, a constant love for him, that Michael won’t confess to. Alex is always, always at the forefront of his mind.

That being said, and as much as I love subtlety, I need once -- just once -- for someone to defend Alex, to say a single kind word about him, but that has never, ever happened. In season one, we had Kyle say a few very nice things to Alex, we saw Kyle be there for him, but... for the love of the gods, what about Michael?

Michael never defended Alex to a single person, but he’ll start a fistfight over a flyer? Knows what it’s like to lose your mom? Everyone’s lost their mom on this show! Let me ask, did Michael ever seem to even slightly question where Alex’s mom was, what she was doing? Did he ever show he cared?

And this part -- this part especially -- was what seriously hurt me; Liz asks Michael why he just can’t admit he cares about Maria, and I honestly expected her to mention Alex just once, but no one did. I honestly started at the screen, completely bewildered and shocked, my heart filled with disbelief as I said out loud, “Liz, Alex is your friend, too!”

They’re carrying on with this storyline as if Alex doesn’t exist, and it makes even Liz seem like not a good friend because she knows that this is deeper than just Michael and Maria, that her other best friend is involved (her best friend who went to a fucking morgue to get access to a corpse just because he trusts her that much, by the way). She should have the common sense not to get involved!

No one is looking out for Alex, no one is concerned for him, no one mentions him. It’s honestly as if he’s only there when they need him for something, and beyond that he just doesn’t matter in their minds. It breaks me.

Now, as for the big “I like Maria, okay?” (ew, I skipped those revolting m*luca scenes, I tried powering through, I did, but I just couldn’t take it anymore, it’s so cringey and weird and gross), here’s where there may be a conflict of opinion; I was glad for it. It hurt like hell, and that look on Alex’s face will forever haunt me. When he said, “If I could choose to be with Maria DeLuca, I would, too,” it felt to me like Alex was not completely shocked by the confession, but resigned, because I think a part of him knew the truth, and was just now confronted with it, and he was handling it as a soldier and leader, as he handles everything. But it also felt to me like Alex was just miserable at the fact that he just doesn’t find women attractive, that it’s so much harder for him to feel an attraction, to have hope of being in love in this town. But he stays because everyone always needs him, everyone’s a priority, and you just know Mimi’s going to be another priority that he’ll want to fix.

But the I like blah blah blah scene was such a relief to me (the part of me that wasn’t dying for my Alex) for two reasons; one, they didn’t drag it out. Two, Alex is not led on. He’s not being given any fake reassurances that Michael only has eyes for him, he knows the truth (by the Angel), so hopefully he can just move forward from here. I try not to think about that scene -- I skipped the m*luca scenes because they just made me so ill, so there’s not much I can say on those either other than the fact that Alex is never acknowledged and Maria has come off worse and worse this season. Which is also crazy to me because all of those scenes with Maria and Isobel; they prove that the writers do know what romantic chemistry looks like (and those two had it), so why they’re putting two people with zero romantic chemistry together is mind-boggling to me.

I know it’s only the second episode, and I will never, ever consider not watching the show because I love it, it’s been my favorite since the Shadowhunters finale aired, and seeing Alex will always make it worth it all (did you see how cool and beautiful he was with his dad? How magical he was? The chemistry he has with Flint and his father are off the charts phenomenal, I can’t get enough of them). And I ship malex, and I believe they’re endgame, but honestly? The only thing that makes all of this slightly bearable is the idea of Alex’s love interest. I understand Michael is hurting, but it’s like Alex doesn’t exist outside of when they need him for something. Me just saying, “He’s so clearly thinking of Alex,” can only satisfy me for so long, and we’ve kind of reached that breaking point. In the entire first season, Michael never sought Alex out once, and yet he’s moved the airstream next to the Wild Pony? What’s Alex going to think when he sees that? How’s he going to feel? Oh wait, that might just get glossed over in a tweet or a two second scene or not even mentioned or shown at all.

I swear to the gods, if Carina explains away the spaceship piece in a tweet, I will lose all respect for her as a storyteller. I still respect her storytelling, I’m still having faith, but if that spaceship piece scene is fucked up, so help me, I will never respect her storytelling again, even when Malex get back together for good because she took a pivotal moment, a moment that means so much because of the intention behind it, and explained it away in a time jump or tweet as if it means nothing, and as a storyteller myself who values those kinds of moments, I can’t see myself ever forgetting that. Carina’s so fond of explaining away storylines we’ve been waiting for in tweets, why not explain away m*luca? Why not let that have happened in the two week span, off camera? Since all the good moments are off camera or barely glanced at, why not take away the one no one wants? I mean, by the Angel, it’s gotten to the point where, when Steph showed up (who is so obviously an alien, by the way, I hope they weren’t planning to shock us with that), I actually got upset and said, “Oh no, please don’t take away Kyle, he’s all Alex has!”

I love this show, I love Michael, Alex will always be worth it, but... I also really hope Forest (or whoever the love interest is) is everything I want him to be. I hope he’s so blatantly and bluntly and clearly in love with Alex, I hope he flirts with him in the open, and calls him attractive and hot and brilliant, and openly shows he loves him, and I hope Michael gets so jealous it nearly kills him. I want Alex to get everything he deserves, I want him to be happy and have his own love interest, because believe me, that love interest is one of the very few things keeping me as gracious about this storyline as I am being now.

[space-malex]

I can’t completely predict what will happen in season two, but I do think that Michael and Maria is going to be a thing, at least for a little while. I also think that Alex is going to try to be there for Michael, and Michael isn’t going to want him to be because a large part in him running to Maria in the first place was to run away from Alex. Alex is probably going to tell Maria that she needs to take care of Michael. I don’t expect anger from Alex even if he may feel it. I don’t expect him to show outward pain or hurt even though he certainly will feel it.

More than anything, I think Alex is going to be really worried about Michael. He knows of the things Michael is going through, between losing his mother and Max and the danger he’s been put in and being targeted by Jesse.... Alex is going to know that Michael is not okay, no matter the front he puts up. So yeah, Alex is going to put his own feelings aside and probably beg Maria to keep an eye on Michael and take care of him, because his well-being is more important than Alex’s own heartbreak. He loves Michael so much you guys, I can’t even.

[yangsharperavery]

oh ya know, just thinking about how michael guerin has this exceedingly habitual desire to quite literally take care of maria deluca and how she doesn’t find that elsewhere and yet had always been that for other people.

she quite literally never felt safe.

and then michael guerin.