#michael guerin meta

[chasingshhadows]

malex & love languages

So I wanna talk about love languages and how that relates to the way that Michael and Alex communicate their love for each other. I think most of us have seen that post that goes around discussing love languages and I think these languages, they way they’re expressed and they way they’re received, are super important to understanding just how much effort both Michael and Alex have put into expressing their love for each other.

The most important take-away from that post, I think, is not the languages themselves (as I personally would break them down just a bit further), but the fact that it points out that “The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.” And I’d go one step further in saying that how people show love can be how they recognize it at all. 

I mentioned this briefly in a post I did after 1.12, when I talked about how Michael only understands the love he gives, and because those around him show love differently, he has trouble accepting that it’s there.

And I’ve seen multiple posts talking about how Alex or MIchael makes far more effort than the other to show each other how much they care, that they want to try for something real. 

I heartily disagree with all of them

Because what it comes down to is love languages. The people who think Alex shows he cares far more don’t speak Michael’s love languages, and vice versa. 

Now, people can speak and understand multiple love languages, and they can understand love languages that they cannot speak - similar to someone being able to understand a spoken language, but not being capable of speaking it themselves.

Michael’s love languages are: 

WORDS

Favors

Touch. 

Alex’s love languages are: 

TOUCH

Quality Time 

Protection

Michael shows love primarily through his Words. We see this most obviously with Alex, but also with Isobel as well (“I really missed you”). And he also shows he cares through Favors - using his skills or time to help his people. Fixing the projector, showing up to the reunion, fixing Max’s car, tuning Alex’s guitar, fixing Maria’s sign, driving Max to Texas. He also speaks and understands Touch, especially with Isobel.

Now something that I think is important is that Michael, unlike Alex, does not always understand any of the other languages. He thinks if people are not telling him they love him, using the big words and grand declarations, or going out of their way to do things for him, that they don’t love him the way he loves them. Which is not to say that he never gives or accepts love in the form of quality time or protection or even gifts - those things just don’t hold the same emotional weight for Michael. 

And even when he does show affection through quality time or protection, he still declares it in words. “I won’t let there be a next time” and “This is important to you, so I’m here,” and even “I’m gonna confess,” & “I messed up, Iz.” For Michael, it’s always important to speak his love.

Alex, however, does speak the other love languages. He recognizes the significance of “I never look away, not really” and “If anyone’s gonna destroy me, it might as well be you,” even if he can’t easily reciprocate the same way. 

He first and foremost shows his love with touch, we see it again and again. Michael says something heavy and Alex shows he feels the same way using his body and physical contact because he can’t muster the words - it’s never because he doesn’t feel the same way, he just doesn’t express it the same way. And he secondly shows affection by making time for someone - which we see both with Michael (the drive-in & 109/110) and with Maria/Liz (Mimi’s day out, and all the times he hangs out with Maria at the bar). 

And while I do think Alex giving Michael the guitar was him genuinely trying to do something nice for the broken boy who’d done something nice for him (see: Prom), he could have also been trying to learn Michael’s love languages - perhaps he would recognize Alex’s feelings through a gift. 

And I separated out the OP “Actions” section into two - Favors and Protection. Because I think Michael’s version of act-based love (favors, fix-its, service) is different from Alex’s (active protection). Alex protected Michael by offering him a safe space. He protected Michael by learning to win battles, by walking away - because he believes being together will only get Michael hurt. He protects Michael by shutting down Project Shepherd and keeping his knowledge of Michael’s origins secret. He protected Maria by seeking out Liz. 

But all of this, unlike Michael’s, is unvoiced. He doesn’t feel the need to tell someone he’s protecting them, he just does it.

So both Alex and Michael spend the entirety of the season, in their own ways, just absolutely pouring their hearts out to each other. Michael does this with his Words, again and again declaring himself, while also respecting Alex’s boundaries and wishes when Alex leaves. Alex does this with Touch, with his body and time in the first episodes (and as teenagers), and then later by walking away, and Protecting Michael silently, but no less ardently. 

Trying to compare the two, to quantify them, to rank them, is pointless; it is a disservice to both of them and blind to the fact that people - and these people, in particular - have vastly different ways of showing their love. 

This isn’t a competition and even if it was, there would be no winner. Michael and Alex both love each other equally, astronomically, cosmically - they just express that love in different languages.

[signoraviolettavalery]

I just remembered that in 1x12, after “you gotta go, Alex,” Michael says “we’ve been holding on to this thing, and where has it gotten us?” 

And in retrospect, I guess it makes sense that he didn’t go to Alex in 1x13. In fact, it strikes me that what Michael does in the finale is what Alex tends to do: running away when it gets too hard. By Michael’s own acknowledgement, this “thing” they’ve been holding on to has brought them pain, and heartbreak, and trauma, and literal physical maiming, and potentially even their deaths, if they hadn’t made it out of Caulfield in time. 

So Alex might love him, and Michael might believe him, but they still have so much to work through. So many conversations about the past to have (the toolshed, to begin with, which I don’t think they’ve ever talked about, Alex leaving Michael behind to enlist). Learning to disassociate all the trauma and pain from the future they could have together. Learning to communicate, working on their abandonment issues. Clearing the air and setting expectations. And it’s all so complicated and hard and Michael is a mess right now, so it’s easier to do what Alex did after the toolshed, after the drive-in, after he found out Michael wants to leave the planet: run away. Process it or ignore it, but avoid confronting it head-on. 

It’s fascinating to me that throughout season 1, Michael’s approach has been to plant himself like a rock and say “I’m here. I’m all in for whenever you’re ready” while Alex keeps running away (and, admittedly, coming back). And now it’s Alex planting himself like a rock, and saying “I’m all in. I’m ready.” But Michael just can’t deal with any of it right now, so he runs away. 

[spaceskam]

I was listening to showtunes, as I do, and I came across the line

"Wearing hand-me-downs from girls who didn't like you, it takes a toll. The bitterness of wearing your enemies' clothes eats into your soul."

And obviously my brain went to Michael Guerin and now I've been plagued with wondering how many times in foster homes was he forced to wear hand-me-downs from people who beat and tortured him, all the times he had to smell like them, look like them, etc.

BUT THEN I WAS LIKE OH BOY BUT ALEX

Alex, who no doubt had to wear his brothers' clothes, people who failed to protect him if not joined in on the abuse because it's what they knew. Alex, who grew up to wear the same uniform as his father. That's not a direct hand-me-down, more a metaphorical one because he looks like him now. He looks in the mirror and sees someone who he views as horrific and monstrous.

It sure does eat at his soul.

[televisionfanaticsincealways]

This is so accurate!

it does make me go insane on a regular basis how michael bisexual alien cowboy guerin is literally a walking forest fire of trauma and anger and sadness and he just will not let it stop him from feeling the world. he just won't go numb. he's like this raw nerve that cannot stop sparking and all the love and the shame and everything else it just flows out of him. there's not enough tough guy swagger in the world to make anyone avert their haze from this guy's bleeding heart

[angrycowboy]

you know what i have enjoyed about this season?

the different ways michael refers to alex.

my boyfriend.

the man i love.

my soulmate.

like... is it really out of the realm of possibility that he adds “my husband” to the list before the season is over?

in 4x01, even after just moving in with alex officially, michael still asks max how he knew it was the right time to propose to liz. but what this season has shown is that max didn’t actually have the right moment. twice the proposal didn’t happen. the moment wasn’t right.

because what michael fears is a fear that he’s had since childhood. that he’s never going to be enough for someone. he was left behind at the group home. he was bounced around foster families until he was homeless and lived in his truck. and now, for the first time in his life, someone is giving him that home he’s been yearning for. alex is proving to him, time and time again, that he is choosing michael. that he will always choose michael.

but that fear michael has, the need to get back to the planet he left behind, the belief that there may be family there who want him, who love him - he’s still struggling to let it go, and to grow past it. because that dream has been such a huge part of his life, and who he is as a person, it was never going to disappear immediately. it’s now a work in progress.

and it’s not that he doesn’t trust alex now. they’ve taken those steps where alex has expressed in his words how important michael is to him (”you are the one piece i cannot go through life without” and “what i can’t live without is you.”) and has shown it in the two of them beginning to officially cohabitate, by alex giving michael a house key. he stresses that the house is michael’s, not just his. i wrote a little about this after s3, about how alex’s house is the grown up version of the shed. it’s their safe place together.

in 2x06, alex admits that he used to believe they’d end up together. it’s a long overdue final break-up for them, but it reveals something else about them. neither of them have ever stopped loving one another, but alex has finally made the revelation that michael had back in 1x13 and 2x01 that they needed to find a new way to love each other. that the way they were before wasn’t working in a sustainable way for the kind of relationship they wanted. 

and then 3x09, after michael pulls alex off the ledge, after everything has calmed down, there’s a moment where they’re in the exam room together. and there’s a tension in the air - the expectations that they still hold, particularly alex. he still feels the need to fix everything his father broke, the responsibility still falling on his shoulders, and this episode was really the moment it truly could have killed him.

alex: i wanted to fix this for you. i just wanted to clear it up so that-

michael: so we could have a “normal picket fence life.” any way you slice it, manes, our picket fenced yard is gonna hold aliens.

followed by:

alex: i guess i just couldn’t get the fear of the rocky path we have ahead of us out of my mind.

michael: i spoke to sanders about the same thing. he said “you don’t walk away from a broken engine. you find a way to make it purr again.”

and while the larger reference here is to the two of them working on the lockhart machine to make it work correctly, and remove project shepherd’s interference - this is also talking about their relationship. for years after the shed, their relationship was broken, and neither of them knew how to fix it. it took time, and energy, and communication for them to get back on the path to the point where they have this conversation, where they both are eager and ready to put the work into themselves and relationship to move forward. they want to be together, they both want a life together - they just had to figure out how to make the pieces fit first.

(i know we can’t take word of god to mean anything, but something that i always thought was important to the overall arcs of the ships was something CAM said way back during s1, i believe. that these characters are adults, they’re exploring and discovering and trying to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together. and i think especially in the case of echo and malex, when placed next to their journeys throughout the seasons, is important to keep in mind.)

we heard alex finally talk about his plans for the future a bit in 3x08 (”i joined deep sky for you”) which also goes along with why he joined the air force at 17 (”after what my dad did to you - i wanted to win battles.”) and we hear him re-iterate it in 3x09 - “i spent a year cleaning up my father’s messes and i made sure that not one of them touched michael.” for alex, it’s always been about carving out that safe space, first for himself and then expanded at seventeen to include michael.

but what happened in s4, and one of the reasons it angered me that the show had michael apologizing (particularly to liz and max) so quickly is... michael expects people to leave him. it’s why finding a losing nora hit him so hard. it’s why losing max on top of that caused the worst spiral we’ve seen for him. even in 3x01, michael admitted that despite maria breaking up with him, despite alex taking off for a year without a word - he was still happy because he had max and isobel. it was enough.

so for a moment, if you will, imagine that in that time between learning alex is missing and alex reaching out to connect with him to assure him i’m still here there is a moment where michael thinks now alex has left him... again. and this time, possibly for good. right when they’d gotten to this good place, right when they’d made this huge step towards the life they’d always dreamed of having together. something else came along and tore them apart, and got in the way. it’s the shed and noah all over again.

“i lost sight of the home i was trying to build with him” is just... he’s beating himself up for thinking that the dream he’s held onto since he was a child compares to the real thing in front of him. the person that loves him, and chooses him day after day, who wants to build a future with him.

maria once told alex, “home doesn’t have to mean a white picket fence house and a family - it can be a person.” and for alex, that person has been michael. this is long before anyone really knows about malex, before malex was ever really able to see what a them could be. before alex started to push back against his father, where he began his own journey of self-discovery and acceptance. 

so after all this, it doesn’t feel like it would be out of left field for malex to get engaged or even married. the two of them, together and apart, have been working on answering that question - if this is what they want - since we first met them in the pilot. through every up and down, we’ve seen them grow closer and grow apart, but we’ve never seen them truly choose someone else over each other.

and maybe, in a way, michael asking alex to marry him is a bit of a trauma response - but after everything they’ve been through. the times they’ve been pulled apart and external forces have said that they can’t make it work, they’ve still dug their heels in and picked each other. over and over again. tezca sent alex to an alternate dimension, and alex still found a way to communicate with michael. like kyle said - that’s powerful. and in the end if an external force trying to tear them apart is the thing that makes them both hold on a little tighter? i’m okay with that.

and hey, who knows. maybe alex will be the one to propose to michael. to see just how done alex is with being away from michael as we’ve seen michael is with being away from alex. 

“like a piece of alien tech, i don’t like being parted from my alien.”

[alex-guerin]

Michael and Alex, I swear...these two....they're gonna end up being that ridiculously adorable, sweet little old couple that still holds hands and are still just as in love with each other at 90 as they were when they were 17. They'll still be kissing and staring at each other lovingly and embarrassing their kids with how much they love each other and showing how much they love each other because they spent too much time not able to do it that they spend the rest of their lives making up for it.

Their grandkids will just watch them in awe as they dance in the kitchen and Alex sings for Michael and just be fascinated with how different their PawPaw and Poppie are from the other grandparents around -- and not because they're both men, but because of how freely they show their affection for each other and still tease each other and PawPaw gives Poppie certain looks and sasses at him. And Poppie just looks back at him in exasperation and goes, "Y'know what, Manes....." and they dissolve into laughter and smiles and kisses.

And when the day finally comes when one goes, the other kisses them softly and promises to follow them wherever they go and days later does exactly that because they haven’t been and can’t be apart from each other for more than a couple of days in over 50 years and they aren't about to start now. 

[im-the-punk-who]

tw: discussion of Alex’s trauma

Okay but can we talk about how that entire scene with Alex battling his subconscious is the perfect metaphor, how Nora even *says* ‘should we talk about how this is a metaphor?’

Alex’s greatest fear has always been that his father’s hatred would overshadow his ability and capacity to love - to love Michael. And those fears have driven him to the knife’s edge so many times before, although perhaps not as literally as this. But this has been Alex’s life. Letting his fear of his father drive him away from Michael, into war - it led him to completely shut Michael out and to shut himself down for fear that he will mess things up and inadvertently become his father. It led him to cut himself off from the people he loved for a *year* trying to fix his father’s mess.

Alex’s greatest fear has always been his loss of humanity. To lose the thing that Michael cherished most in him - that defines Alex as a character.

And I love that as we get deeper into this season we’re seeing how Alex can no longer hide this from himself. His father may be gone, but his ghost is still haunting Alex, and for all the running and fighting Alex has done, eventually he is going to have to turn around and fight it.

And into this, Michael comes and pulls him off the edge. Saying ‘I’ve got you - I’ve always got you.’

Michael is Alex’s reason to fight, but he’s never understood what Alex is fighting - or why. But now that he does, we’re seeing him trying to be Alex’s port in the storm he’s trying to sail through. Now that they’re communicating - and now that Michael knows enough and is secure enough in how Alex feels to not be threatened when Alex hides things.

I love that we saw Michael immediately understand. There was no yelling, there was no ‘how could you’s’ - there was no accusation of lying or hiding. Alex told Michael why, and Michael accepted it, and opened up that he has been having the same fears.

Alex’s greatest fear is a fear of loss - and I love that we saw Michael step up to the plate, recognize that, and reassure Alex that not only is he not alone, but that Michael is as committed to them as he is. ‘Any way you slice it, our picket fence is going to hold aliens.’ was such a cheesy thing to say, but it reassured Alex that Michael wants that life as much as Alex does. That vulnerability and reassurance is what Alex needs to be able to dig deeper into his own trauma - and I love that, especially directly after the last few episodes of Alex helping and comforting Michael through his troubles, we see Michael being able to return the gesture.

‘Home doesn’t have to mean a white picket fence and a family. Home can be a person.’

But maybe it can be both. And maybe, that home, future, fence can hold aliens.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Science Bros Season 4 Parallels

For my previous posts about the parallels of Liz & Michael’s journey go here:

Part 1: Michael & Liz (Season 1)

Part 2: Liz & Michael (Seasons 2-3)

Michael and Liz start the season, once again, in the same place. They've been with their respective partners for half a year now, and have started to become settled for perhaps the first time in both their lives.  However, they are both thrown for some loops in that regards during the season, starting with the men they love deciding to take the next step in their relationships.

Before Season 4 begins, Alex asks Michael to move in with him. While he agreed, we begin the series with Michael feeling very unsettled about this.  Spiraling into old fears.  Surprisingly, it's Malex’s turn to solve their issues quickly.  A few conversations later, the two are settled and happy. In fact, Michael lays this part of their story to rest in episode 3.

Michael: "Well, my running man-days are over. Alex may be out chasing weather balloons, but my bags are unpacked.”

Max, meanwhile, has plans to ask Liz to marry him.  Their dance with this lasts the rest of the season.  With a combination of their own old fears and the new alien threat continuously getting in the way.

In the meanwhile, both Liz and Michael fall into old obsessions.

Liz meets Shivani and is quickly captivated once again with unlocking the secrets of alien science.  At first, the goal is simply to aid against the new threat.  However, as the season continues Liz obsession slowly grows into something far more dangerous.

Michael meets Clyde and is quickly captivated once again with discovering the secrets of their home world.  At first, his goal is also to be of aide against the new threat. Befriending Bonnie and attempting to save her from the cult of Ophiuchus. However, after realizing that Clyde is offering him a way home to Oasis, Michael's obsession also grows.

Meanwhile, their love interests both come under attack by Tezca.  Alex is kidnapped, taking him out of the fight for the time being.  While Max makes a dangerous decision to rid himself of his powers - lessening his ability to aid in the battle against the other aliens.

Michael realizes his obsession with Oasis has distracted him while Alex was in danger.

Liz almost comes to the same conclusion upon seeing Shivani’s obsession begin to spiral out of control, but her journey is interrupted when she's dosed with the alien mist.

In the final climax, Liz and Michael are both called upon to use their genius to find a way to save the group. Liz to stop Clyde from getting to Oasis, and Michael to save the group from the Pocket Dimension.

Malex, having found their balance, decides to hell with just living together and gets engaged and then married.  Their separation, and Alex almost dying, having been the final major hurdle in their relationship.

Echo had also found their balance, and they almost take the next step as well.  However, they are once again interrupted - this time by Max’s decision to go to Oasis.  They do get there, however - third time’s a charm - when they meet before the gate and finally get engaged.  In a sense, Max going to Oasis is much like Alex’s time in the pocket dimension - Echo’s final hurdle before their happily ever after.

Unfortunately, with the series not being renewed for a fifth season, that does leave us without Echo’s marriage to complete the parallels. (Though it may have spared us Max almost dying on Liz again.)

I am going to miss our Scientific Geniuses, their alien shenanigans, and matching journeys toward the happiness they deserve.

[metaphoric-aliens]

ok ok ok!! here's my roswell playlist!!

descriptions/lyrics for why I chose each song:

Come a Little Closer: "come a little closer then you'll see // things aren't always what they seem to be" also I get a little kick out of "at first you were my father // now I love you like a brother"

Not Dead Yet: this is a Michael Guerin song. point blank.

Mine Forever: "don't wanna die // but I can't live without you" / "we will always be together //in my mind, you're mine forever" to me this is an Echo song

Love Me Like You Used To: verse 1 is Echo; verse 2 and 3 is Malex

Gold: "I could leave. I know I ought to, but there's gold in them hills." small town vibez

Disarm: "the killer in me is the killer in you" this is a Max song

AM Radio: "long as you run // I couldn't give you up"

You're Somebody Else: "you look like yourself but you're somebody else // only it ain't on the surface"

this is me trying: I’ve always associated this with malex

Survivor: "see I wanted you to stay and show you the world's a better place" this is an Alex song !

She Talks to Angels: somebody used this for a Rosa edit and now I very much associate it with s1/s2 Rosa

Everything and Reckoning: I know Alanis is a Liz thing, but these 2 songs I heavily relate to Isobel

Hanginaround: "I been bumming around this old town for way too long" small town vibez

Rain King: this is a Max song

Alien: bc why not

Wash it Clean: MALEX!!! "all my life I tried to let you go // would you stay?" and "soak my hands in gasoline // I can't wash it clean // bathe my days in revelry // I can't wash it clean"

Dust Settles: this is a pod squad song <3 "here we are now // lonely together"

Unicorn: MALEX all around, like every line - "you came from another star" / "love, love is a cosmic thing"

[meggiejolly]

So in 3x12 Heath talks about the place where he and Dallas “used to quiet the voices” and in 3x13 Liz says to Max “you quiet all the noise” when talking about their first meeting at the playground. Those lines have to be intentional parallels to “together we could quiet all the noises, drown out the voices” from Alex’s song right? 

[djchika]

Okay but Michael feeding his people as a form of affection is such a poor kid thing? When you’re poor, more often than not, food is the only tangible thing you own that’s sharable. It’s Michael’s go to when he’s worrying over Alex because he knows how valuable it is to have food around especially when you’re busy or sick.

And we all know he can cook so it seems impractical that he keeps spending what little extra cash he has on buying food, but that’s simply his love language magnified. Cooking for the person you love is sweet and romantic and Michael will do that a lot for Alex I’m sure, but this small, sacrificial act that seems to be the “easier” of the two is actually incredibly meaningful too.

(Also please, as kids how many times do you think they got food from the Crashdown to eat out in the desert?? TOO MANY PROBABLY. Crashdown take out is their thing.)

[bravery-sought]

ANALYSIS OF MICHAEL AND ALEX IN THE BUNKER DURING S3EP13 “NEVER LET YOU GO”

I’ve been meaning to write about this scene for a very long time since the episode first aired. It’s so always so beautiful to see Malex interact with each other and the energy that they radiate when around one another. This scene stood out to me so much for a multitude of reasons. 

[more under the cut!]

For one, it’s Michael breaking out of old habits. We, as the audience, have witnessed as Michael continuously struggled with his own demons and understanding what it meant to be loved. There’re so many aspects that go into a relationship and truthfulness is an extremely important factor. He’s skeptical about opening up to people because of his childhood and Alex can be the very same way. He’s known for shoving Alex away when things get difficult and hiding what bothers him when he should be communicating.

Michael visits Alex in the bunker beneath his Airstream. Alex mentions about having to make some alien glass, using the turquoise that Michael mined and reveals that he had actually found a bunch in the drawer here. In the moment, it seems like he caught Michael in a lie or at least, a partial one. There’s a second of silence as Michael appears to process the words and then he’s brutally honest, 

“I’m not gonna lie to you.” 

He’s stopping himself from making up some fibbing answer about why he has a stash of turquoise there. He’s opening up and forcing himself to voice his worries about the upcoming battle against Jones. He admits that he’s freaked out  and this prompts Alex to gently coax him onward with a question, 

“Are you afraid this isn’t gonna work?” 

Michael’s response is, 

“I’m afraid we’re only getting to the start of something.”

Alex NEEDS a little more information from Michael to go off of. But there’s no need for him to ask for him to elaborate. He subtly moves his head, eyes fixated on Michael to show that he is attentive and ready to absorb. 

Michael takes that as a queue to continue, looking down at his feet as he walks forward to Alex. This behavior is like that of a small child’s, but he’s not trying to hide. This is still a bit new to him, but he’s WANTING to be truthful. 

“You know, we never even went on a real first date. We never walked down Main Street holding hands.”

Michael is terrified, it’s reflected in his eyes as he looks at the man he loves, and he’s speaking as if they won’t ever get the chance in the future. At this point, Michael is looking directly at Alex with tears-glossed eyes. There’s a painful smile spread across his features and it’s painful for him to admit what frightens him so much. 

Alex is silent and patient as he lets Michael talk. 

“I need you to know, if this goes bad tomorrow,”

Alex ALREADY has a clue about where this is going. 

“I lo-” 

Alex is quick to cut him off, raising a hand and giving a firm, “

No. Don’t say those words.” 

He NEEDS to stop Michael before he tips off the deep end. He is determined and dead-set on the fact that they will win this. There is no need for goodbyes for final statements, because he cannot face the concept of losing Michael right now. He has to remain optimistic and there’s a tone that his voice adapts that originated from his days as an active airman. 

“We are going to win this, okay?” 

He steps towards Michael, stepping directly into his orbit as his love continues, 

“Winning is what worries me.” 

Michael’s being too vague. While Alex can understand a majority of what Michael usually intends or means, this is a bit… out of range and Alex needs more details.

“What? C-can you explain that?” 

The truth hurts like a gut punch.

“What if I have to kill my own father? You gonna love me then?” 

Alex’s expression easily reads, ‘Of course, I will.’ 

Seeing Michael THIS vulnerable in front of Alex is utterly painful, and he’s so agonized. The self-hatred peaks through, 

“Am I still gonna love myself?” 

Michael has always harbored a powerful disdain for himself and it only got worse when he found out about who Jones was and how they were connected by blood. 

Alex knows Michael is struggling to hold back a river of tears, but he has to ALLOW him to do this on his own. 

“That self-loathing is what caused this mess between us for 15 years.”

Fifteen years is a VERY long time to love someone. Sure, they’ve been with other people but that love that they’ve held for each other has never fully faded. They’ve faced their own demons and encountered new ones for more than a decade. Alex knows what it’s like to have a terrible genocidal maniac as his father, but he never quite expected Michael to be in the same situation. 

“What’s winning gonna do? Is it gonna set us right back to square one? Are we going to be able to survive that war if it does?” 

Michael’s panicking, it shows in his voice and his expression. If you want to be poetic; he’s falling, PLUMMETING to the ground. He’s thinking a million miles an hour and he can’t get his brain to slow down. He’s getting tangled up in the ‘what if’s and the negatives that it’s causing him to spiral really fast. He’s ready to shut down.

BUT Alex knows how to center him again, placing a soft hand on his shoulder and approaching this from an angle that he knows how to.

Alex’s touch instantly provides something for Michael to use an anchor. They BOTH have the ability to soothe each other with either presence or touch FIRST before words.

“No. Listen to me.” 

He lets his free hand fall on Michael’s other shoulder, looking him directly in the eyes with an unwavering gaze filled with love and hope. 

“We are not who were in high school, let alone a year ago.”

They have changed SO MUCH over the years and Alex recognizes it. They have broken a majority of their bad habits that revolve around each other and he’s aware of it. Michael exhales and hangs his head, letting Alex speak, 

“We already defeated one monstrous father, and we will do it again.”

Alex is bringing a dash of his own experience in this because he sees it as a way to comfort Michael. They both are victims of Jesse’s wrath, but in the end, Alex’s greatest monster was slayed. He’s holding onto that hope and insight, and offering it to Michael to hold close. Alex shifts his palms, letting his hands gently cup Michael’s face. Guerin just melts into, letting the touch soothe and tether him. Alex strokes his cheeks and Michael faintly nuzzles into it. The energy around him is much calmer than before and Alex can sense it. He gives a subtle nod to Michael as if asking if he’s feeling better now and Michael responds with one of his own. 

They exchange a kiss before the phone buzzes (rudely interrupting the moment). The note regarding Liz’s success does assist in keeping the flame of hope alive, and Michael places his hands on Alex’s shoulders, to which the former airman s folly grasps the insides of his elbows. Then, one of Michael’s hands finds a home against  the base of Alex’s head, thumb’s webbing inches from his ear. It’s similar to how Alex held him just minutes ago. 

They kiss again, drawing it out as if it may be the last. 

I think this scene really shows their growth and just how far they have come in their development as characters. 

At the beginning of the scene, Michael is buzzing with panic and sheer anxiety. Alex perceives it very well and it goes to show just how well Alex can read him. They’ve always been able to read each other like books, but sometimes, they have their ways of hiding particular emotions or thoughts. Alex is aware of how to quickly harmonize Michael’s mind and atmosphere again, quiet the thoughts that bring doubt. He acts on it with confidence and Michael responds in turn by being truthful and letting himself FEEL his emotions. Alex puts out the fire in Guerin’s head, making sure it doesn’t get out of control. He’s able to soothe the hurt and box away his love’s worries to help him THINK clearly about a situation or see reason. 

In the past, they were like opposing sides of magnets and would propel each other away with a jabbing comment as they internally retreated and pulled up walls to protect themselves against an opposing threat that they saw as EACH OTHER. 

This shows so much growth and truly emphasizes how they have grown. 

The last time we saw them alone in the Bunker was in S2EP10 “American Woman”. Rewatching that scene and how they interacted is truly an experience now. Michael had already made up his mind when Alex mentioned that he was ready to see what Jesse would do with the alien glass piece. Jesse is a THREAT and Michael instantly shuts down, jumping onto defense and offense when Alex attempted to offer a suggestion that may have had unexpected consequences. 

They BOTH severely lacked the patience that they have with each other now. 

I honestly didn’t know what I was expecting when I first saw this scene and I was dreading that Michael’s insecurities would ultimately force Alex away again. But I was taken by surprise and I was so absolutely relieved. Them communicating, like adults, brings me such joy and I seriously hope we see more of it in the upcoming season. Their relationship and the way they communicate is something truly otherworldly and it’s so so SO insanely beautiful.

[angrycowboy]

Malex & Love Languages in S3

I have been thinking about Malex and love languages in S3 so much after 3x08, because I think what we saw was a dramatic shift in how Malex reads and reacts to each other.

Chasing outlines Malex’s love languages in S1 perfectly in this post and with this gifset, so I don’t think it needs to be rehashed (but definitely check them out first before reading this). I just want to talk about how it relates to Malex in S3 so far, and why the progress we saw from both Michael AND Alex up until 3x08 truly shows just how far they have come as people, and to being able to be together.

Though we don’t have a clear definition of what Michael was going to say to Alex at the bus stop in 3x01, or how he was going to react, we do know from Isobel that he was feeling hopeful about their future together. Malex doesn’t interact until 3x03, and while they trades barbs with each other that is typical for their relationship (especially from Michael, who looks like he hasn’t slept and has been lighting his hand on fire constantly for the past 24 hours), it’s Alex that changes up the dynamic. Alex takes the opportunity to not leave them on a bad note with a fight, and instead openly expresses his own feelings in words to Michael.

Words, as Chasing stated in her meta, is Michael’s primary love language. It is the one he understands the best when directed at him, and it is also the one he is most often expressing, as well as the one that holds the most emotional weight to him. And you can see from his expression afterwards, it is those words, it is Alex finally expressing his feelings in Michael’s primary love language, that has a major impact on him.

Malex doesn’t interact again until 3x06 - when Michael calls Alex about investigating the bats and the radio tower. Alex’s evasiveness isn’t meant to hurt Michael in any way - it’s one of Alex’s own love languages taking shape. He believes he’s protecting Michael by not including him in his Deep Sky involvement, because the last time he got Michael involved well, Caulfield happened. Jesse putting a gun in Michael’s face happened, despite Alex’s best efforts in trying to keep Michael safe.

It’s here we see Alex’s attempt at verbalizing his protection of Michael.

And later, just as he is discovering Eduardo’s involvement, he is also listening to Michael’s voicemail telling him he was wrong in what he told Michael (that the radio tower was a dud). He’s making the slow realization that it doesn’t matter if he keeps these things from Michael (because as Chasing stated in her meta, Alex’s protection of others is often unvoiced - he doesn’t feel the need to tell people what he’s doing to keep them safe, he just does it), Michael is going to potentially end up in harm’s way regardless.

So by 3x08, we see Alex put that realization into action by refusing to let Michael go off and find Jones on his own. For once, Alex uses his words, and truly verbalizes his protection properly.

You can see how deeply it affects Michael almost immediately (because for someone who’s primary love language is words, Michael is rarely ever without them).

But because of Alex’s words, because Alex is finally speaking Michael’s love language back to him, we see the beginning of a greater understanding between them.

As Michael goes off about contingency plans in the truck later, Alex shuts him down - all focus, all plan. It’s when he sees how Michael reacts to that, he softens (literally, he exhales, and deflates a little in his seat), and shifts gears. He once again uses his words to explain to Michael why they need to be strategic, why emotions cannot dictate their actions today.

And Michael immediately recognizes it for what it is, his hand going to Alex’s shoulder to comfort him. Touch is a love language both of them speak and understand, but it is usually Alex using it as an answer to Michael’s words, not the other way around. For once, Michael doesn’t use his words, but keeps his hand on Alex’s neck, stroking his face, letting touch be his reply.

At the Pony, it continues too. Alex keeps talking. Telling Michael that maybe it’s Nora he’s taken after, not Jones. Reading Michael’s disappointment at not being able to see the tech his mother designed, and offering up trying to get Michael clearance. So when Michael says, “One mission at a time,” it’s not because he has any intention of kissing Alex in that moment, it’s because he’s answering back in his own primary love language. But what he doesn’t expect is for Alex to ask about it, and what he means, looking for clarification.

So Michael answers with Alex’s primary love language, and the one they both share: TOUCH. It’s very reminiscent of their first kiss in the museum, of Alex’s “Okay, talk,” and Michael, who is rarely rendered speechless, simply responds by kissing him.

[ober-affen-geil]

It should come as absolutely no surprise that Malex is the reason I finally have my meta hat on this season so let’s skip the intro and dive STRAIGHT INTO THE GROWTH THIS EPISODE SERVED US HUH?

*Disclaimer that once again, my metas are my thoughts and opinions and nothing else. CW for brief mentions of child abuse and trauma as well as unhealthy relationships. Also a warning that this is going to mention Michael slamming Alex’s car door in a positive light, as well as Alex physically grabbing Michael’s hand to prevent him using his powers. If that bothers you I’m not offended, but this meta may not be for you.*

So a quick recap of my thoughts on Malex, for a post s2/pre s3 summary see here. The main point, imo, that Michael and Alex actually “broke up” (in the sense that any relationship going forward would not happen without real development) was in 2x01 when Michael told Alex he was saying “no” to him because he was tired of being pushed around. This was the start of Michael really breaking their unhealthy cycle of miscommunication and failure to really *talk* to each other. 

In 3x06, we see him stand firm on that when he refuses to let Alex leave without giving him some answers. He can *see* that Alex is blowing him off and this is important to him. So he makes Alex listen to him, forces him to communicate which is really all he wanted to begin with.

He tells Alex “no”.

In this episode that conversation is briefly rehashed, because Alex is doing it again. He isn’t communicating with Michael about why or what his decisions are, he’s just making a broad statement and expecting Michael to do what he says. He’s failing to treat Michael as an equal.

Michael says “no” again. Keep in mind, this isn’t a “no” to be contrary, this is a “no, I need more information than that.” Michael is willing to trust Alex, but Alex is showing Michael he is not willing to do the same. A relationship, of any kind, based on that foundation is not an equal one.

So Alex concedes. He shares his reasoning with Michael, explains his own plan, and off they go with no more pushback. Because again, Michael is not being contrary here. He has every right to know and understand where Alex is coming from and what he’s doing and why and Alex knows it. So when Alex communicates, Michael is pacified. Because it’s all he wanted anyway. It’s the start of truly building real trust between them as equals.

Alex, stubborn as he is, is smart enough to see that too. Because Michael starts getting restless and Alex shuts him down hard. He’s right, and Michael knows it, but he’s not happy about it. So he doesn’t quite give Alex a “no” outright, but Alex can see that he wants to. Michael is not directly pushing, but Alex feels pressure nonetheless.

So he makes a difficult personal decision and opens up to Michael about something more than The Plan. He shares the reason *why* he is so insistent on sticking to it, because he’s seen what happens when the plan goes wrong. This is a huge display of trust on Alex’s part, and Michael immediately recognizes the vulnerability for the olive branch it is.

When we get to the porch at the Pony though, this is where the real growth hits. Because Alex didn’t HAVE to share that information. There was no situational pressure, Michael wasn’t forcing him to communicate with him, there was no real reason he had to tell Michael about the Lockhart Machine. Except that he thought Michael deserved to know.

Alex *volunteers* information and that is the final step they needed to get in sync. ...Except it’s kind of not. Because a relationship is a two way street, and Michael has been growing this episode too. So let’s look at his side.

Michael, outside of Alex, has a real issue with trusting people outside of himself. This is...not surprising given his upbringing, but his renewing of his relationship with Max and Isobel has been helping. So did his relationship with Maria, who gave him her own “no”s about his harmfully independent behavior. Michael has been learning how to lean on other people, to trust in ways both similar and different than how Alex needs to learn as well.

In this episode, we see that in his reactions to Alex. At the truck in the beginning, he concedes the plan to get Max away from Jones to Alex. After getting the details from him, of course, as is reasonable, but it’s still a concession. It’s a “I will let you do this even though I think I could do it myself”. For Michael, that’s progress. 

When they find Jones, Michael makes another concession. Because the thing is, the sword is *right there*. It would be so EASY for Michael to take it like he’d planned. To not have to rely on Alex to help him. And he nearly does it too. But Alex stops him, grabs his hand, and that is ENOUGH to make him stop. There are few things on Earth that could prevent Michael from acting immediately to save his brother, Alex is one of them.

Because Michael knows he’s right. He knows Alex’s plan is more strategic and safer, and has a higher likelyhood of working without anyone dying. It’s still an enormous display of trust for Michael to not react by pushing Alex away from him or arguing with him on the spot.

Again though, like Alex, the real growth is on the porch at the Pony. Alex showed his trust in Michael by volunteering information he didn’t have to. Michael shows his trust in Alex by making his own decision to stay away from Deep Sky.

Alex has already told him he doesn’t want Michael around what he’s doing there, and this episode he tells him why (you are the one piece I cannot lose). Michael understands and respects this, but also understands the impracticality of him wanting to get involved at all. Never mind that Ramos as much as told Alex they were trying to use him to recruit an alien to work on the machine. Michael draws his own conclusions and makes his own choice to step away from Deep Sky. From his mother’s machine.

This entire episode has been the two of them building trust with each other.

Alex giving Deep Sky details to Michael at the beginning says I trust you to listen. Alex sharing his reason for staying on plan says I trust you with my past. Alex telling Michael about the Lockhart Machine says I trust you with my job.

Michael listening to Alex and letting him take charge at the beginning says I trust you to share. Michael allowing Alex to prevent him from using his powers on the sword right away say I trust you with my brother. Michael stepping away from trying to get into Deep Sky says I trust you with my mother.

And finally, at the end, they speak as one:

I trust you with myself

[alex-guerin]

Okay, I know a lot of people are mad at Michael for wanting to go to Oasis, but hear me out.

Think of it like this, someone who is super big on genealogy would LOVE to go visit the country their ancestors are from. They'd jump at the chance to find out more about who they are, where they come from, their past, their family, etc. They'd want to go to where their ancestors are from and LEARN. They'd want to see what the place is like, why their ancestors left, if they have any long lost cousins who can spill the tea on family secrets. But ultimately, they'd come home. They wouldn't want to stay in that place because it's not their home, and even if they have the love of their life right there by their side the entire time, the trip would end and they'd return home having satisfied that dream and longing.

That is Michael. He wants to know more about himself, his mom, his family, where they came from...everything a genealogy nerd wants to know and do. That doesn't mean he wants to hop on a little rocket, give earth the middle finger and never come back. He wants to go to LEARN. And let's be real, he wouldn't go without Alex. There's not a chance in Hell that he'd leave without Alex. He'd want Alex there with him to experience it all with him.

So, if people can look at it that way, can we maybe stop getting upset with him for considering going? And stop hating in him for at least that much?

[im-the-punk-who]

fuck fuck fuck fuck okay!!!!

god okay this one little....scene with Rosa and Michael!! That they’ve finally fucking addressed “we were kids and we were scared and we were dumb and we should have known what putting you in that driver’s seat was going to do” and “i used to sit out in the desert and think about Rosa Ortecho as an adult” and “i thought that if you didn’t get to have a life then I didn’t deserve to either.”

Just!!! The way Michael has shouldered all this guilt but is now channeling it into at least...god. *trying* to make amends to Rosa. APOLOGIZING to Rosa and telling her he recognizes what they did was wrong.

Sorry but your stupid little Wyatt redemption plotline could never??? Like in 5 minutes they did more for holding someone accountable for the harm they did to a POC than Wyatt’s plotline has done in four episodes.

And that Michael is now using that guilt and sorrow to *do something* to *protect* Rosa and clean the graffiti (and also probably why he couldn’t walk away when Bert needed help?) like THAT!! IS!! WHAT!!! accountability looks like.

Anyway Michael Guerin using the things he acknowledges he did wrong in the past to try and be a better person in the future instead of just wallowing in that guilt anymore - Michael Guerin’s Character Growth In Season Three - Michael Guerin Learning Not To Let Guilt Consume Him!!

Like this was such a good scene THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD SCENE??

And letting Rosa have the final say - he wasn’t expecting Rosa to forgive him - the point of his actions wasn’t for Rosa to FORGIVE him it wasn’t something he EXPECTED from her it was *for Rosa* and how he could help her in return for how he’d hurt her?

THIS is how you center stories around POC, actually not like...whatever else the episode had going on, or Wyatt Long. Just have your white characters own up to their mistakes and fucking hold THEMSELVES accountable to POC and then commit to helping them and standing up for them in the future.

And just...Rosa. My dear Rosa. Rosa being told she was missed, that people thought of her, that someone thought she could have had a life??? That not everyone thought about her as a villain. Michael believing in Rosa and Rosa getting to have that comfort??? Yes please to every single piece of that scene.