#roswell nm meta

[angrycowboy]

Malex & Love Languages in S3

I have been thinking about Malex and love languages in S3 so much after 3x08, because I think what we saw was a dramatic shift in how Malex reads and reacts to each other.

Chasing outlines Malex’s love languages in S1 perfectly in this post and with this gifset, so I don’t think it needs to be rehashed (but definitely check them out first before reading this). I just want to talk about how it relates to Malex in S3 so far, and why the progress we saw from both Michael AND Alex up until 3x08 truly shows just how far they have come as people, and to being able to be together.

Though we don’t have a clear definition of what Michael was going to say to Alex at the bus stop in 3x01, or how he was going to react, we do know from Isobel that he was feeling hopeful about their future together. Malex doesn’t interact until 3x03, and while they trades barbs with each other that is typical for their relationship (especially from Michael, who looks like he hasn’t slept and has been lighting his hand on fire constantly for the past 24 hours), it’s Alex that changes up the dynamic. Alex takes the opportunity to not leave them on a bad note with a fight, and instead openly expresses his own feelings in words to Michael.

Words, as Chasing stated in her meta, is Michael’s primary love language. It is the one he understands the best when directed at him, and it is also the one he is most often expressing, as well as the one that holds the most emotional weight to him. And you can see from his expression afterwards, it is those words, it is Alex finally expressing his feelings in Michael’s primary love language, that has a major impact on him.

Malex doesn’t interact again until 3x06 - when Michael calls Alex about investigating the bats and the radio tower. Alex’s evasiveness isn’t meant to hurt Michael in any way - it’s one of Alex’s own love languages taking shape. He believes he’s protecting Michael by not including him in his Deep Sky involvement, because the last time he got Michael involved well, Caulfield happened. Jesse putting a gun in Michael’s face happened, despite Alex’s best efforts in trying to keep Michael safe.

It’s here we see Alex’s attempt at verbalizing his protection of Michael.

And later, just as he is discovering Eduardo’s involvement, he is also listening to Michael’s voicemail telling him he was wrong in what he told Michael (that the radio tower was a dud). He’s making the slow realization that it doesn’t matter if he keeps these things from Michael (because as Chasing stated in her meta, Alex’s protection of others is often unvoiced - he doesn’t feel the need to tell people what he’s doing to keep them safe, he just does it), Michael is going to potentially end up in harm’s way regardless.

So by 3x08, we see Alex put that realization into action by refusing to let Michael go off and find Jones on his own. For once, Alex uses his words, and truly verbalizes his protection properly.

You can see how deeply it affects Michael almost immediately (because for someone who’s primary love language is words, Michael is rarely ever without them).

But because of Alex’s words, because Alex is finally speaking Michael’s love language back to him, we see the beginning of a greater understanding between them.

As Michael goes off about contingency plans in the truck later, Alex shuts him down - all focus, all plan. It’s when he sees how Michael reacts to that, he softens (literally, he exhales, and deflates a little in his seat), and shifts gears. He once again uses his words to explain to Michael why they need to be strategic, why emotions cannot dictate their actions today.

And Michael immediately recognizes it for what it is, his hand going to Alex’s shoulder to comfort him. Touch is a love language both of them speak and understand, but it is usually Alex using it as an answer to Michael’s words, not the other way around. For once, Michael doesn’t use his words, but keeps his hand on Alex’s neck, stroking his face, letting touch be his reply.

At the Pony, it continues too. Alex keeps talking. Telling Michael that maybe it’s Nora he’s taken after, not Jones. Reading Michael’s disappointment at not being able to see the tech his mother designed, and offering up trying to get Michael clearance. So when Michael says, “One mission at a time,” it’s not because he has any intention of kissing Alex in that moment, it’s because he’s answering back in his own primary love language. But what he doesn’t expect is for Alex to ask about it, and what he means, looking for clarification.

So Michael answers with Alex’s primary love language, and the one they both share: TOUCH. It’s very reminiscent of their first kiss in the museum, of Alex’s “Okay, talk,” and Michael, who is rarely rendered speechless, simply responds by kissing him.

[metaphoric-aliens]

ok ok ok!! here's my roswell playlist!!

descriptions/lyrics for why I chose each song:

Come a Little Closer: "come a little closer then you'll see // things aren't always what they seem to be" also I get a little kick out of "at first you were my father // now I love you like a brother"

Not Dead Yet: this is a Michael Guerin song. point blank.

Mine Forever: "don't wanna die // but I can't live without you" / "we will always be together //in my mind, you're mine forever" to me this is an Echo song

Love Me Like You Used To: verse 1 is Echo; verse 2 and 3 is Malex

Gold: "I could leave. I know I ought to, but there's gold in them hills." small town vibez

Disarm: "the killer in me is the killer in you" this is a Max song

AM Radio: "long as you run // I couldn't give you up"

You're Somebody Else: "you look like yourself but you're somebody else // only it ain't on the surface"

this is me trying: I’ve always associated this with malex

Survivor: "see I wanted you to stay and show you the world's a better place" this is an Alex song !

She Talks to Angels: somebody used this for a Rosa edit and now I very much associate it with s1/s2 Rosa

Everything and Reckoning: I know Alanis is a Liz thing, but these 2 songs I heavily relate to Isobel

Hanginaround: "I been bumming around this old town for way too long" small town vibez

Rain King: this is a Max song

Alien: bc why not

Wash it Clean: MALEX!!! "all my life I tried to let you go // would you stay?" and "soak my hands in gasoline // I can't wash it clean // bathe my days in revelry // I can't wash it clean"

Dust Settles: this is a pod squad song <3 "here we are now // lonely together"

Unicorn: MALEX all around, like every line - "you came from another star" / "love, love is a cosmic thing"

[foramomentonly]

3.08 Alex Meta

I don't usually do meta and maybe all of this will be a very, "Duh, Nat!" moment for you. But 3.08 was a huge Alex episode for me. I feel like I understand him on a totally new and deeper level, and I'm seeing a direct character line from S1 and to some of the questions and issues many of us had in S2.

Spoilers for RNM 3.08 below.

As I might have said ten thousand times previously, I relate to Alex a lot. His compartmentalization, his emotional distance, his seeming inability to correctly identify and name a damn feeling. Like, same, man.

But 3.08, in my opinion, completely blew that all up. Because Alex is pretty clear in his story: he has all the emotions, he just no longer feels safe acting on them. And when I think about Alex in the flashbacks we've had, that totally tracks. Teen Alex is a walking ball of emotions and he is not afraid to act on them. His whole vibe is "pissed at the world," which, valid. He's angry, so he punches Kyle. He's moved by Michael and his situation, so he offers to help. He unapologetically feels and acts on those feelings. He's in love, so he keeps seeing Michael even after the events of the shed (Rest on a Bloody Bed of Rusty Nails, Jesse Manes). Alex is brave and bold with his emotions and even though Jesse and others are no doubt giving him hell for it, he doesn't stop.

Cut to S1 Alex, who vacillates between wildly passionate, closed off, angry, ice king. He pushes and pulls with Michael and we don't really know why and it's an emotional whiplash that carries over into at least the beginning of S2. I always understood this as Alex not knowing his own feelings, acting in the moment on what he wants and later talking himself out of it, denying himself out of fear.

But that's not it, is it? Alex is fully aware of his feelings, apparently, he just doesn't see acting on them as safe anymore. He gets home and he runs into Michael and everything, all that love and desire is still there and his impulse is to act on it and he does, but his experiences have taught him that his emotions are dangerous. And if all he's ever done is try protect Michael, he does that by trying to lock his feelings for Michael away, pull back when he loses control and acts on them. He's still learning how to do this in S1, and that pull toward Michael is strong (cosmic, almost?) and I think that's where that back and forth comes in.

None of this is that new, though. What's new to me is the understanding that hiding/feeling/repressing emotions isn't instinctual for Alex! It's learned behavior, and not even from his time with Jesse, but this experience in war.

And let's talk about that story, huh? A lot of us assumed (myself included) that Alex's rigidity, his tendency to bulldoze over other people's boundaries and take charge is born of stubbornness, of believing he's always right, that he must be in control to feel safe. But what I heard Alex tell me in his story is fuck, no, he's knows how wrong he can be, he's failed on a massive level already, caused hurt and pain to himself and others. He's not a hero. He's a mess. (We all knew that. But a lot of us operated on the idea that Alex didn't know that about himself.) Everything he does is to avoid causing further harm and chaos in the future.

Obviously, he still does. I don't want to discount that. And he's still accountable for it. But I think it's significant that Alex isn't operating from a position of superiority after all (I mean, he probably still is a little, he's Alex, his class privileges are still there), he's operating more from a place of knowing how completely and utterly he's fucked up before and wanting desperately to avoid that in the future. And to him, a man who lives his whole life in extremes (fucking drama queen, I mean lol), the way to avoid that happening is to go in the total opposite direction. To push down his natural emotions, ignore his instincts because they can't be trusted (Which, hey, maybe that's why he's got Kyle on speed dial every time he has to make a decision!), and strategize the shit out of everything. And it scares the fuck out of him that Michael, the person he most wants to avoid experiencing harm or being put in danger, acts on feeling and instinct and all the things that Alex believes caused his own epic failure that cost literal life and limb.

I used to think Alex and Michael were opposites, one a live wire of emotion and instinct, and the other the keeper of approximately three feelings and he hates them all. But I think now that they are extremely alike. They're both driven by emotion, instinct, heart, but Alex has forced himself to ignore all that and think like a computer, and Michael still lives his life by his them, still inherently trusts them. I've always loved and admired that about him, and I think that's part of what Alex loves, too, even though it scares him.

There's a whole nother meta's worth of stuff in the episode of how Alex's journey to trusting and working with Michael as an equal parallels Liz's storyline with Rosa (Liz and Alex are so alike, I die!) and yet another about the phenomenal pattern of growth with see from Malex, and especially Alex, throughout the episode. For a literal, step-by-step breakdown, ask the incomparable @adiwriting very nicely, who went OFF in the best way about it last night in our DMs. Like she could draw you a diagram.

This episode just gave us so much. Damn. It wasn't perfect, of course, and I would have liked to see Alex and Malex's development and growth happen over the course of the season, not jammed a single episode. But I love what we got and what it's taught me is I didn't know shit about Alex, but I had a lot of fun learning.

End meta.

[daughterofelros]

One reason I’m excited by the prospect of Forrest?

Queer Represenation still isn’t where it needs to be on TV.

But one of the ways we fix that is by showing a lot of different angles, treating queer characters as individuals with truth, not just archetypes... and not giving them fundamentally different treatment than straight characters because they’re “other”.

Roswell NM has already presented a thesis of “Recreational Sex between Consenting Adults is a Good Thing” (and doesn’t prevent beloved endgame ships from setting sail in the end)

Alex Manes being slated to have a love interest that isn’t his be-all-and-end-all is a clear message that he gets to have the same things that are taken for granted for straight characters.

That’s important to me.

Because “queer but monogamously set with only one person ever so as to minimize straight people’s discomfort and conform to heteronormativity” that’s not great representation. It’s certainly a truth many folks live- one partner only for life- but when scripted that way, it would set his capacity for relationships and expressing sexuality as markedly different from the characters who are (thus far) seen as straight. Straight characters in this show are permitted to have both Grand Loves and Relationships For The Present Moment.

Limiting queer characters to anything less (even given the possible desire to counter narratives/microagressions of presumptions of Queer Sluttiness) would be reductive in my view, and I’m GLAD the show is giving space for other things, even though I’m also waiting with bated breath for Malex to be together again.

[draculaspetbee]

Here’s the thing I can’t stop thinking about this last episode:

Those pants Alex has on? Those are Ass Pants. Pants specifically designed to show off your ass.

As a farm kid, there is NO WAY you’d wear those dark of jeans out to a farm like that. YOU WILL GET DIRT AND DUST EVERYWHERE OMGGGGGGG. Those pants would be RUINED. So, you wear lighter color jeans to a farm ESPECIALLY if you know you’re climbing fences.

UNLESS 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 PANTS 👏🏻 ARE 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻SHOW 👏🏻YOUR 👏🏻ASS👏🏻 those dark jeans?? Are for rodeos and animal shows ONLY, they’re what farm kids use for dress pants!!!

So, in conclusion: Alex wore those jeans specifically to show off his ass. Thank you and good night.

[roswaliens]

theory time

so we were discussing the fourth alien on the discord and:

Ok so with the alien that got dissected in the 1947 flashback they removed that glowing thing, and I wonder if that meant they were pregnant?

So either a nice scientist stole it and raised them

or project shepard raised the baby as a weapon and these murders are them testing the powers (which is why it’s all people who wouldn’t be missed)

and rosa was the alien going rogue

[angrycowboy]

The guitar Michael brought to Alex's in 4x01, and the guitar he teaches Bonnie with, is a completely new guitar we hadn't seen yet.

And, the guitar in the 3x08 still is the same guitar Milo pointed out above that a) Michael stole from the music room and tuned for Alex in 1x06, b) Michael was playing at the Pony in 1x13 and c) Alex tried to give back to Michael in 2x01.

‘Tiny’ meta on the guitars in Roswell New Mexico

Because I hate this show and it’s dumb.

So recently I was trying to figure out what kind of guitars Alex has, for fic reasons, and I had the brilliant idea to look at both of the guitars in 1x06 and the guitar Michael plays in the Wild Pony at the end of 1x13.

Unfortunately for me, you, and everyone, what I discovered is that the guitar Michael steals from Alex when they initially meet is the same guitar that he plays in the bar. (A Läg guitar, if you are interested, likely an occitania model of some sort. Interesting historical footnote: Neil Diamond also play(s/ed) this brand.)

For those interested, there are a total of five guitars show in the series so far: Alex’s Läg, the guitar Michael has in the photograph from 1x02(likely the same guitar Rosa is playing in the pilot), the guitar Alex gives to Michael in the toolshed in 1x06, and the two in Alex’s house in season 2(2x05+2x11).

So my meta/headcanon here is that when Alex leaves for Iraq, he gives Maria the guitar for safekeeping - since it’s likely he would know it wasn’t safe at his house. She keeps it, sometimes using it at the Pony for performances and as a backup guitar for impromtpu jam sessions. The only time we see it at the Pony there is also a drum kit set up.

During 1x13, Michael tells Isobel that he’s had the realization that his relationship with Alex isn’t healthy, that lately it ‘just hurts’ and ‘feels like a crash landing’; to which Isobel gives him the advice ‘Maybe Max is right. Maybe it’s time we stop looking back and start looking forward.’

For me this is a big reason why he goes to the Wild Pony later, rather than meeting Alex and talking about their entangled past together. Michael is trying to move forward.

And just like Alex will in Season 2, the best way for him to start to do that is through music. (Which…tfw your coping strategies and healing rituals are the same….COSMIC.)

Now that his hand is healed (however non-consensual the act itself) Michael actually has that chance to try and heal himself. It isn’t the magic remedy Max hoped his healing powers would be. (’To heal this, you’ll have to reopen the wound in your mind. All the pain you’ve hidden there.)

To really heal from grief, one of the key components is that you have to let go of the expectations and hopes that you wanted from whatever isn’t possible anymore. And Season 1 has a really interesting progression showing Michael starting on that journey. And in this moment in the finale he has the same chance Alex will get in Season 2: to say goodbye to the person he was and the relationship that could have been and all the hurt that he’s held onto because of that, and start trying to move forward.

So, Michael goes to Maria at the Wild Pony, and sees The Guitar. The same guitar that he ‘borrowed’ from Alex eleven years ago that started them on the path to where they are now.

He wants to be with Maria, he agrees with Maria that they need to talk. But first, he has to say goodbye to what he’s been holding onto with Alex.

By playing the same guitar that brought them together.

(The way he looks at the guitar in this moment reads so much more tender to me than just him being able to play music again. Yes, this is something he’s been hindered from doing for ten years, but Maria doesn’t seem overly surprised to hear Michael playing. She is only surprised when she notices his hand is healed. Moreso, I think that - especially since in the in-between scene is Liz talking to Rosa’s grave, wishing for all the things Rosa never got to experience - that this is Michael connecting with his grief in a way he hasn’t been able to, and reckoning with his own hopes for the past.)

Like he’s momentarily transported somewhere else.

And I don’t think this is coincidence. There are multiple guitars and to use *this one* - the one that started it all - feels significant.

It feels like a signifier that Alex still is and always will be an important part of Michael’s life. Even if he’s playing this guitar in Maria’s presence, even if he in this moment is choosing Maria, Alex is always, *always* going to be a part of him. (And we could do a whole *other* meta on how music is the language through which Michael and Alex - oh wait I already did that. But, regardless, music is a large part not just of how Michael finds peace, but how he connects to himself. And Alex is always going to be a part of that.)

(You could, if you chose, also see this as yet more foreshadowing of the three of them having a role in each other’s lives and healing journey, or you could not, but the fact that it is *Alex’s* guitar that Michael plays I think is undeniabley significant.)

Even if the relationship that he has with Alex right now hurts, Michael isn’t throwing the whole thing away. He might be forming a new relationship with it, but what he has with Alex is…well…you know.

[djchika]

I know that there are a million things about 3x08 that we're still squeeing over, but the one thing that I feel like I'll carry with me even after Roswell is over is Alex saying "This world where you don't live in fear is not going to build itself so I have to try."

To have a queer character say that — someone who'd gone through horrific acts of hate, who grew up feeling unloved, whose father made it perfectly clear that who he loved was the worst parts of him — to have him say that he wanted to build a better world for the man he loves, for them, it just blows me away.

It's personal for me because I'm a queer woman whose partner of almost of a decade will probably never be fully out because she's also scared of how the world treats people like us. It's personal for me because of my work with a nonprofit that focuses on LGBTQIA+ human rights issues. It's personal because despite how much the world has changed so many people still live in fear and wanting to change that is terrifying too.

It's such a beautiful, honest line that's both too big and too small to encompass the depth of the love behind such a statement. No wonder Michael didn't know what to say.

[letstalkabouttvshows]

hallucinationNora: Your father’s hatred is stronger than your capacity to love

I might be wrong, but what I took from this line is that Alex is not afraid to turn evil but that no matter how much he loves and do things to keep the most important person in his life safe, no matter how much effort he puts through his so sincere, all-in love, it will never be enough to put his father hateful actions behind. 

His love could never beat them.

Alex has been doing everything to make sure whatever Jesse did was undone. But his fear says: Do you actually believe you can do this? His hate is stronger than your love, it’s just not enough.

And if we think about it, things really took a turn for Malex after Caufield. 

“He knows everything. His family is involved in the conspiracy that tortured and killed the other aliens. He’s tangled up in all these terrible memories in my life, and ... I love him. I probably always will. But lately that love just hurts”.

Jesse took a lot from Alex. 

Even in death, Alex is the one that has to deal with the consequences because those consequences are all connected to the person he loves. 

Alex’s fear is so understandable and heartbreaking.

[angsty-aliens]

What strikes me here is how differently three characters describe the same scene of Michael in the group home.

Ann says, “when we visited the foster home you and Isobel were huddled in a corner, crying. And the other boy in the home had taken a red marker and drawn this all over the walls. Obsessively. That poor boy. He needed special attention. A wealthy family that could give him everything he needed. And lord, I hope he found it.”

Max describes the beacon and says, “but it’s gotta have some connection to me. Right? According to my mom, you were a little terror at the group home, drawing it all over the walls after we were found so it’s gotta have some connection to US, right? Maybe something we saw somewhere... before the crash.”

Michael says, “maybe I just smelled like trouble.”

That poor boy. Little terror. Smelled like trouble.

Ann saw him as a victim, Max saw him as a brat, and Michael saw himself as innately difficult and impossible to love.

“So, the three of you were found together, but why were Max and Isobel adopted separately?”

“I just told you I survived a UFO crash. I gestated in a pod for half a century, and I hatched. And you want to know about my family problems?”

Michael Guerin Week: Day 4 - Favorite Michael Scene (2/2)

[angrycowboy]

re: alex being healed

currently working on a larger meta explaining the lore of how this all fits in but basically it deals with the fractals that we see appear on maria, liz, and alex in their different interactions with the mindscape as well as what exactly happened to jim valenti.

anyway, the aliens are tied into a neural network, which is what is causing the deluca women to have the degeneration. louise may have been aware of this and left the necklace with patricia so she had a way to protect herself against it, because the neural network attacks the human side. (this ties into s2 where maria was the only one who could get to the atomizer because her human side saved her while the alien side was attacked.)

liz’s fractals were ONLY in her mindscape, because the mist that she took is effecting her brain (also why she’s losing her mind). but taking the mist gave her access to the neural network, which is now attacking her as she is human.

this pocket dimension is part of that neural network. but alex was only physically there, so the fractals physically appeared on his body. if the theory follows suit, once alex leaves the pocket dimension either the fractals will disappear or they at least won’t get worse (the show seems to have gone with the former by choosing to not address alex’s health at all).

n-38 was trying to not attack jim valenti, but just give him information about the pocket dimension - but after being in caulfield for so long he may not have known friend from foe (like kyle said in 1x12, “they’re feral”). so jim inadvertently gained knowledge of the pocket dimension and the portal back to oasis through this connection to the neural network (see: his letters from s1). this led to the tumor and his eventual death.

it appears that either it was unintentional or accidental that the neural network attacks humans - alex may not have been wrong about that. or that the aliens never intended for humans to need to interact with it, which is also possible.

anyway! i’m in the middle of an episode by episode rewatch to see if this holds throughout four seasons and i’m halfway through s2 right now. can’t wait to get finished and get this entire thing written up! :)

[metaphoric-aliens]

i am asking you to go listen to Unicorn by The Lone Bellow bc every line is malex related peace and love thank you. here are the lyrics:

[daughterofelros]

Can I just... Michael saying no.

I’ve been thinking about how, despite it not being obvious due to how he presents his attitude... Michael is a bit of a people pleaser.

He stays in Roswell for Isobel and Max, he takes the blame for the death of the girls. Repeatedly. Is willing to sacrifice himself for it.

He constantly makes himself what people need— the one who can take the punch, take the blame, fix the thing, be the shoulder to cry on. Even with Alex, it’s emerging that he didn’t just keep their connection a secret because Alex wasn’t ready to have it out there (and because fear of the actions of Jesse Manes), but because he fit himself in to be what he thought Alex needed/wanted him to be.

Michael Guerin has been reacting his entire life. He’s been reacting to *survive*. He’s been improvising, “Yes, and-ing” all along.

And then, with Alex and the guitar, we see him say “No.”

We see him make a choice different than what those around him expect. I’m not positive it’s the best choice— he’s spiraling, pushing people away, reeling and hurting. I mean, he’s sure not in a place to start a relationship, and he seems to know that. There’s possibly a self-sacrificing element of making himself the thing that neither Alex or Maria need so no one wants him to try being in a relationship- his way of protecting people from himself when he feels so wrecked?

But I honestly feel that with Alex, he takes the first healthy step in all of this by saying No, by doing something that counters the expectations that people have of him, and that he isn’t just going along for the ride of.

He’s doing something he thinks he needs— and whether his math there is accurate or not, standing his ground is absolutely essential.

[foramomentonly]

Reblogging this just to add that a few people have mentioned in the tags having complicated to negative feelings about Alex's story as a Western narrative about war and colonialism and racism and I meant to initially say this, but I whole-heartedly agree. I don't like the story; at best, it's a tired trope and at worst it's. Well. See above. I do love what I learned about Alex from it, but I genuinely do not want anyone out there thinking I support the story itself.

Thanks for reading!

3.08 Alex Meta

I don't usually do meta and maybe all of this will be a very, "Duh, Nat!" moment for you. But 3.08 was a huge Alex episode for me. I feel like I understand him on a totally new and deeper level, and I'm seeing a direct character line from S1 and to some of the questions and issues many of us had in S2.

Spoilers for RNM 3.08 below.

As I might have said ten thousand times previously, I relate to Alex a lot. His compartmentalization, his emotional distance, his seeming inability to correctly identify and name a damn feeling. Like, same, man.

But 3.08, in my opinion, completely blew that all up. Because Alex is pretty clear in his story: he has all the emotions, he just no longer feels safe acting on them. And when I think about Alex in the flashbacks we've had, that totally tracks. Teen Alex is a walking ball of emotions and he is not afraid to act on them. His whole vibe is "pissed at the world," which, valid. He's angry, so he punches Kyle. He's moved by Michael and his situation, so he offers to help. He unapologetically feels and acts on those feelings. He's in love, so he keeps seeing Michael even after the events of the shed (Rest on a Bloody Bed of Rusty Nails, Jesse Manes). Alex is brave and bold with his emotions and even though Jesse and others are no doubt giving him hell for it, he doesn't stop.

Cut to S1 Alex, who vacillates between wildly passionate, closed off, angry, ice king. He pushes and pulls with Michael and we don't really know why and it's an emotional whiplash that carries over into at least the beginning of S2. I always understood this as Alex not knowing his own feelings, acting in the moment on what he wants and later talking himself out of it, denying himself out of fear.

But that's not it, is it? Alex is fully aware of his feelings, apparently, he just doesn't see acting on them as safe anymore. He gets home and he runs into Michael and everything, all that love and desire is still there and his impulse is to act on it and he does, but his experiences have taught him that his emotions are dangerous. And if all he's ever done is try protect Michael, he does that by trying to lock his feelings for Michael away, pull back when he loses control and acts on them. He's still learning how to do this in S1, and that pull toward Michael is strong (cosmic, almost?) and I think that's where that back and forth comes in.

None of this is that new, though. What's new to me is the understanding that hiding/feeling/repressing emotions isn't instinctual for Alex! It's learned behavior, and not even from his time with Jesse, but this experience in war.

And let's talk about that story, huh? A lot of us assumed (myself included) that Alex's rigidity, his tendency to bulldoze over other people's boundaries and take charge is born of stubbornness, of believing he's always right, that he must be in control to feel safe. But what I heard Alex tell me in his story is fuck, no, he's knows how wrong he can be, he's failed on a massive level already, caused hurt and pain to himself and others. He's not a hero. He's a mess. (We all knew that. But a lot of us operated on the idea that Alex didn't know that about himself.) Everything he does is to avoid causing further harm and chaos in the future.

Obviously, he still does. I don't want to discount that. And he's still accountable for it. But I think it's significant that Alex isn't operating from a position of superiority after all (I mean, he probably still is a little, he's Alex, his class privileges are still there), he's operating more from a place of knowing how completely and utterly he's fucked up before and wanting desperately to avoid that in the future. And to him, a man who lives his whole life in extremes (fucking drama queen, I mean lol), the way to avoid that happening is to go in the total opposite direction. To push down his natural emotions, ignore his instincts because they can't be trusted (Which, hey, maybe that's why he's got Kyle on speed dial every time he has to make a decision!), and strategize the shit out of everything. And it scares the fuck out of him that Michael, the person he most wants to avoid experiencing harm or being put in danger, acts on feeling and instinct and all the things that Alex believes caused his own epic failure that cost literal life and limb.

I used to think Alex and Michael were opposites, one a live wire of emotion and instinct, and the other the keeper of approximately three feelings and he hates them all. But I think now that they are extremely alike. They're both driven by emotion, instinct, heart, but Alex has forced himself to ignore all that and think like a computer, and Michael still lives his life by his them, still inherently trusts them. I've always loved and admired that about him, and I think that's part of what Alex loves, too, even though it scares him.

There's a whole nother meta's worth of stuff in the episode of how Alex's journey to trusting and working with Michael as an equal parallels Liz's storyline with Rosa (Liz and Alex are so alike, I die!) and yet another about the phenomenal pattern of growth with see from Malex, and especially Alex, throughout the episode. For a literal, step-by-step breakdown, ask the incomparable @adiwriting very nicely, who went OFF in the best way about it last night in our DMs. Like she could draw you a diagram.

This episode just gave us so much. Damn. It wasn't perfect, of course, and I would have liked to see Alex and Malex's development and growth happen over the course of the season, not jammed a single episode. But I love what we got and what it's taught me is I didn't know shit about Alex, but I had a lot of fun learning.

End meta.

[draculaspetbee]

Ok but... but where’s Buffy? I WANT TO SEE BUFFY MY SWEET BEAGLE CW!!

[larenoz]

Guerenti - Michael and Kyle - I Like It

I’ve been Team Guerenti for a while now, but it’s a ship I want to see in fic, not in canon (because of my thoughts about the importance of straight Kyle). For me it’s also based on my thoughts about what happened in Roswell while Liz and Alex were away. I don’t see either of them returning to Roswell often. If they did, they kept there interactions to a very limited number of people (ie not Max or Michael). So my thoughts are definitely grounded in what happened to the people who stayed in Roswell during the Lost Decade, especially Michael, Maria and Kyle.

We know that Kyle spent a fair bit of time outside of Roswell at the start of the Lost Decade, getting his degree, doing his residency etc. It’s during this period that Kyle’s outlook and attitudes undergo a fairly massive change, so that when he returns to Roswell he is a changed man.

For me that period where Kyle returns to Roswell and starts to integrate himself back into the life of the town is the period where he and Michael start to interact. I don’t see Michael and Kyle having interacted much during high school, but Michael was very aware of how Kyle treated Alex, and how Kyle’s taunts applied to him as well, even if no one knew it. Since Kyle does his emotional growth while outside of town, the first step in their relationship developing is Michael seeing that Kyle has changed.

There are any number of scenarios for how this could happen but since we know Michael is a hard no for doctors and hospitals, their connection has to happen outside of the hospital. For me, the scene I always imagine is something like Michael finds Kyle sitting in his car on the side of the road that’s broken down. He initially starts out giving Kyle a hard time but realises pretty quickly that Kyle isn’t taking the bait. In fact he’s on the verge of tears. Cause Kyle has had a REALLY bad day at work, lost a favourite patient or couldn’t save someone or some other tragedy. Something that makes Michael begin to realise that maybe Kyle isn’t the person he remembers.

So Michael stops giving him a hard time, hooks up his car and drives him back to town. On the way he checks in with Kyle, does he want him to call anyone for him, his mum etc. Kyle says no but he takes note of Michael being kind.

That then sort of begins Kyle noticing Michael around town, seeing him quietly helping people, doing odd jobs for free or for barter. And Kyle starts to realise that maybe there’s more to Michael than the macho cowboy swagger that he presents to the world.I think Kyle seeing Michael help people, especially those who might otherwise slip through the cracks or have nowhere else to go would be something that flags Michael as a caring person willing to act on that compassion.

In turn, Michael sees Kyle helping people with their medical issues where he can, fixing minor wounds, health advice, maybe prescriptions etc. These interactions then go from random to deliberate, from the 18+ Discord discussion, which totally sums up how I see it playing out:

“Over a series of encounters-- Kyle happens by as Michael is helping someone who has spun out into a ditch and they need some medical help.... Michael gets Kyle to stitch up a bartender's hand at the Pony when he slices it on a broken glass, etc... they start to build a rapport and trust with each other. And the supports keep getting bigger-- Michael drives a kid who was injured in a fight to the hospital, gets Kyle to treat him because he's figured out the kid is half-fallen through the cracks like he was and needs the help. He fixes Kyle's car for free in return. Comes to Kyle one time because he's trying to get Sanders to get his blood pressure checked, since the guy keeps having dizzy spells. Kyle comes to the junkyard to do it...stays for a beer. Kyle gets Michael to fix a patient's car because the finances are so tight that the mom is having to ration her insulin and is about to lose her job because she can't afford to fix the car that gets her to work.” (@daughterofelros)

All of this slowly builds up trust and a grudging respect between the two. But being who they are (especially Michael), they both fight it and their interactions are all snark and sharp edges.

“I see them as very... hungry and unintentionally self-soothing with each other and just like, this connection they can't understand but can't get away from. Like all rational thought leaves their head when the other is close.

like those moments of softness are something they crave but never ever acknowledge or talk about bc they're terrified to admit they actually care about each other.” (@chasingshhadows)

Eventually, one day after seeing Michael trying to work with an injury, Kyle forces him to sit down, looks after the wound (feeding my very strong H/C kink, ngl) and then, one thing leads to another....

Both Michael and Kyle strike me as action oriented people. Despite what some people on the show seem to think, Michael is constantly helping people. He comes across as very service oriented, very action oriented (even if he doesn’t always think those actions all the way through). He doesn’t trust what people say, people lie. People have spent his entire life judging Michael and getting it very wrong. He assesses (not judges) people by their actions, not what they say. So he needs to SEE Kyle be this changed person, and that’s what happens over the Lost Decade.

For his part, Kyle is also very action oriented, although he manifests that in being hyper-focused in all that he does (he only has 30 seconds to talk to Jesse on his run!!). But that focus is tempered by compassion and the Valenti Code and while Michael may not necessarily always act within the law, because he acts from a place of care and compassion, he is unknowingly acting with the Valenti Code, especially when it comes to protecting his family - who for Michael have ALWAYS been more than blood.

So, that's my random Guerenti thoughts. What have I missed? What have I gotten wrong?

Guerenti Fics

“small towns make for small friends” by @AnnCherie -

“This Hard Lie” by @lambourn - Chapter 5 of the “This Hard Life” stories focused on Michael Guerin.

Guerenti on Ao3

Shout out to @lambourngb, @chasingshhadows, @daughterofelros, @finditagain24