#might write a part two if brain behaves

[earako]

Second chance, chances missed

A/N: Pulling up to this fandom 12 years later but I'm having Filbrick Pines thoughts and making it everyone elses's problem

-/-

Filbrick Pines was 83 years old.

He had left Jersey back when he was 72.

For a man who claimed that Jersey was in his blood...his blood might as well be the waves crashing against the shores of glass shard beach. His belief that he'd live and die in Jersey was nothing compared to the wrath of his wife.

The sorrow of his eldest son.

The innocent, genuine confusion of his youngest as he grew up with pictures of brothers he only half remembered, one of them off to college and the other...

But he saw the paper, he saw the obituary, it was that damn paper that finally made Caryn snap and leave in the night with Shermie in the back seat.

Stanley, the younger twin, Caryn's little free spirit, Ford's betrayer, and Shermie's babysitter when Caryn was busy he was dead. The paper said he was dead, Filbrick saw the car and the burnt clothes.

The sky was blue, water was wet, and Stanley was dead. Those were the facts.

So why, in the name of all thats good and holy did he see two men who looked remarkably alike in the window of a cafe next to his wife and who he assumed was Shermie?

Why did he see Caryn reach over and cup the cheek of the man who had Filbricks square jaw, her mouth obviously calling him her 'free spirit.'

Why did the man, the one without a red beanie, have a sixth finger that Filbrick could see when he gestured with his hands while Caryn watched with fond affection.

Filbrick shook his head.

Mind must be playing tricks on him again. He should find a paper or something, check the date. If it's near the twins birthday his old, battered, brian may be mixing things up again.

A pain in Filbrick's arse, though an explanation he was far more comfortable with then the current suggestion is brain was making.

He went to leave when a hand curled around his wrist, stopping him.

Filbrick tugged his hand back prepared to snap at whatever knucklehead grabbed him and was interrupted when he heard a breathy, "Pa?"

He froze.

The air was warm, the birds were annoying, and Stanley was dead.

"Stanley? What are you-"

Caryn and the two men with her stood a few feet away from the man who still had a grasp on Filbricks wrist.

Filbrick looked at the men, then to Caryn, then back to man who had his face holding his wrist.

"You ignoramous, the papers said you were dead!"

[sheep-from-rad]

Idea! Neglected bar singer darling.

The joint they sing in is on the very outskirts of Gotham. The bars in the basement of a restaurant.

Its pretty clear darling is saving up money to slowly inch away from Gotham and from there neglectful and sometimes (often) cold family.

So they dress as a Him/femme/them fatale and saunter up to the stage and sing there lil heart out and get both the thrill of all the attention in a room being on them and the money in there tip jar to boot.

Imagine what happens when a clip of darling singing goes fucking viral. (I'd like to think it's would be "be your baby tonight" give it a listen if you want. I like norah jones' cover)

What I'm saying is there is no way any of the batfam would approve of darlings career choice.

I love this kind of asks!~ Requests are now open again but we warned, I'm a snail paced writer T__T This took a while because I have this habit where I write it down first on paper before typing it. Like I make a draft first and reread before typing it to see if I should add more or remove some. First fic about singer reader: here and part 2 here. 😅

**DC characters belong to DC and I don't give permission to feed my writings to AI. Thank you**

Masterlist(Batfam)

Masterlist (All of my other fics)

divider by: @k1ssyoursister

Okay okay, here me out. I know you said secret bar under a restaurant but my brain read the word ‘bar’ and ran away with it 😭. 

You know what this smells like? Scandal and maybe even a disaster waiting to happen too. You know what's a famous bar in Gotham? The Iceberg lounge that is run by Mr. Cobblepot (Penguin) and  is frequented by rogues  such as Riddler. 

Life in the Iceberg Lounge isn't that bad, maybe intimidating at first but it became a small comfort. Mr. Cobblepot lets you keep the tips, the lounge beauties (Raven, Lark, and Jay) are great companies, and workplace harassment? You don't really have to worry about that. If you ever get flirted on or harassed by small fries and drunkards and then rest assured a bigger, scarier person at the back of the crowd will beat the harasser and throw them out. They might be villains but they have standards and harassing the lounge’s songbird is a big no no! 

The clip of the singer reader went viral for a ton of different reasons: (1) The singing and the amount of simps you raked 24 hours after the clip has been posted. I have a headcanon that Mr. Cobblepot will nickname you as either Nightingale or Songbird to fit the crew because the lounge beauties are nicknamed after birds.(2) People can see villains just chilling at the background of the video. Riddler's nursing a whiskey at the counter, Two face is playing chess with Penguin who is multitasking in helping mix some drinks. Hell, even Harley and Ivy are in the background having a moment with the strippers.

(3) Why is Bruce Wayne’s kid at the Iceberg lounge? I have a teeny tiny headcanon that even though the reader was neglected they are still forced to attend galas once or twice because Bruce won't and then it will be like a big media scandal. Also reader's public appearances with Bruce or with the other Wayne children might be low but they still have hundreds of followers. The Wayne name alone is basically a celebrity name because of Bruce being heavily revered by the public. Think of it like nepobaby shit. (4) That stage presence and sheer seductiveness. Being a Wayne, I'm sure the reader was taught etiquette by Alfred and was taught how to dress properly. They are also taught how to behave. However on that vid, you look like you were dressed by the Gotham sirens (Ivy, Harley, and Selena) themselves. All those good boy, good girl, good child stuff are out of the window. If the reader was just blending in the background before and the video is the opposite. It's almost commanding every viewer to look at them, pay attention to them, worship the very ground they walk on, and love them! At this point just expect simps. 

The family loves the video but at the same time they also hate it. They had their copies downloaded and saved and then they'll immediately task Barbara into scrubbing the video off of the internet but it's too late. The video has been re-uploaded to hundreds of different accounts and some  news outlets had already published articles about it. The articles ranged from sweet ones like praising the reader for their awesome stage performance and singing to downright insane clickbaits like ‘Bruce Wayne secretly allied with Gotham rogues?’ 

The whole thing is very stressful and I pray to the DC gods that Bruce Wayne is very healthy because this guy's blood pressure might as well go high up. Imagine trying so hard to keep up with the ditzy playboy public persona to hide your vigilante secret identity only for your kid to be filmed singing and being cozy at the Iceberg lounge. Not only that! You also placed yourself in danger too! It's not a secret that a lot of rouges knew Batman's real identity (Joker knows it, he just doesn't care. He's so cool for that). Sure they don't attack Batman when he's Bruce and sure they are a sweet pseudo-family to you right now but who's to say that they won't use you when push comes to shove? 

While Bruce deals with the media, Barbara and Tim work on the damage control and tracking every video, expect heavy guilt tripping and interference from Damian, Dick, and even Alfred (in his defense, he wants you safe and will only ask for you to get a better job or at least work in a place not frequented by villains). Dick will be actively poisoning the well. He'll make you sit down and read the crime archives with him (starting from the heaviest crime down to the pettiest crime) and will tell you stories about their encounters with each of them. Damian will try to keep you from getting to work and will try to keep you in your room if you haven't moved out of the estate. He'll ask you to go around with him, feed his pets with him and even asked you to watch him train (he doesn't know how bonding works, please be understanding). If you had left the estate and then expect him to show up and walk in your place like he owns it. He's one of those cats that you feed once and then suddenly shows up and won't leave you alone anymore. 

Oh, you still won't come home? You still wanna continue that dangerous job of yours? Pick your poison then. Do you want them to call Jason to get to the bar and take you home, knowing him some heads will sure go flying. Or do you want the family to stage a stakeout, infiltrate the bar, and capture and lock up all the villains forever. Go on, go choose. 

[dailynnt]

FRIENDS WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE

Summary: What happens when two best friends try to get along under the same roof? You've been living with Jungkook for three months now, but your cohabitation is still a challenge for you. He continues to live like a real bachelor without following the rules you agreed upon from the beginning of your decision to live together. Should you find a compromise or should you find a new place to live?

Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ Fem!Reader

Characters: The Reader, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jeon Hosuk.

🔞 Age restrictions: 18+

👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 Relationships: ⚤

📕 Number of part: 14/?

🖇️ Tags: best friends, friends with benefits, slow longing, sexual tension, protected sex, unprotected sex, alcohol, drunken sex, inexperienced main character, mafia au, illegal trade, deaths of minor characters, weapons, swear words. Tags will be added as the story is written.

👩🏼‍💻 From the author: I can't believe I wrote the second part. I am so happy with how it turned out. I hope you will also enjoy it and look forward to the sequel. I will try to write it as soon as possible. I tried to create tension between Y/N and Jungkook. In part three, you'll find something very hot, so stay tuned for part three. Thanks to everyone who liked my story, I will do my best for you.

⚠️ Warning: English is not my native language, so there may be mistakes in the text. Please don't get mad at me too much! Those under 18, please don't read this story!

→ Part 1 → Part 2 → Part 3 → Part 4 → Part 5 → Part 6 → Part 7 → Part 8 → Part 9 → Part 10 → Part 11 → Part 12 → Part 13 → Part 14

Part 2. In theory

Today was a day off. Sunday. The one and only day when you could devote it entirely to yourself and not to your studies. Even though exams were about to start before the New Year holidays, you still recognized that you needed to rest, otherwise you might go crazy. This day could have started better if not for the morning's fight with Jungkook. And that's why you feel uncomfortable. You seem to have resolved everything and he has apologized, but there is some unpleasant residue. The emotions that you've been holding in for so long have left behind this very residue.

It wasn't just the quarrel you had this morning that made you feel uncomfortable. Jungkook. That's who was really making you feel as if you were detached from reality. His "question" about your love life kept repeating in your head.

Why did he suddenly want to know? Did you behave in such a way that he wanted to ask you about it? You had conversations on this topic, but it turned out that most often it was when you got together with a large group of your friends. One of them would start, and the evening would turn into a discussion of sexual achievements. Not infrequently, when you were drinking with Jungkook, he would also start such conversations, but you tried to avoid them.

But the truth is this. You only want to know one thing: why did he want to know if you had sex? What business is it of his?

You beat your fists on the bed. This question was tearing at your brain. Why are you lying here thinking about this? Don't you have anything better to do?!

You heard the sound of the combination lock. Jungkook had returned from the store. Your heart beat faster and felt like stomach was being stirred with a spoon. You sat on the bed and stared at the front door of your bedroom.

You need to calm down. You need to act normal. This is Jungkook, your best friend. You've known him for so long, so why would you have any problems with him now? You stood up and clenched your fists. "I'm going to make it through this. Nothing strange has happened. I'll treat my friend like I always do!" You straightened your hoodie, pulled up the sweatpants you loved to wear at home, and confidently opened the door to the living room.

Jungkook was on the doorstep, taking off his shoes. His black jacket was already hanging on the nightstand at the entrance. Two large bags of groceries were standing next to him. Noticing the white containers, you concluded that he had bought ready-made food. That's why he was gone for so long.

Your best friend noticed you. When your eyes met, you felt a twinge inside. And you literally lost to yourself. Your heart started pounding again, and your breathing became rapid, but you tried to hold on. In a split second, you ran your eyes over his figure, and you liked what you saw in front of you very much. Jungkook was dressed in all black. He liked to dress like that, 90% of his wardrobe was black. The other 10% were white clothes. For some reason, he did not wear colored clothes. The black Calvin Klein hoodie fit him perfectly. His pants were the same color with many pockets. His hair was slightly disheveled, probably because he was wearing a hood.

Jungkook picked up the bags and smiled broadly. "I decided it would take too long to cook, and we were already hungry. So I bought some ready-to-eat food." - He rustled the bags. You smiled awkwardly. Mentally scolding yourself for acting like a fool, you walked towards Jungkook, who had already come to the table and started to open up the containers of food.

"You're such a smart boy for thinking of that, because I'm really hungry." - You said as you helped Jungkook take out and open the lunchboxes.

"But you had breakfast!" - Your friend protested. "You fried some eggs for yourself and didn't even leave me a piece!"

"Two eggs without anything is not breakfast. Consider it as if I didn't eat anything. And I didn't fry them for you because you thought deserve them?" - You jabbed your finger at him. Jungkook giggled.

"I really didn't deserve breakfast this morning. But to make it up to you, I bought something for you." - Jungkook said. You looked at him. He was taking something out of the bottom of the bag. And as soon as the craft rectangular box appeared, you squealed with happiness.

"Donuts!" - You squeaked. You had no idea that Jungkook would buy your favorite hazelnut and chocolate-filled donuts. You loved all the donuts in the world, but these were your favorite.

You threw your arms around Jungkook and hugged him. And you kept squealing with joy. Donuts were the only thing that made you feel good, and your friend knew it. So it couldn't have been better. Jungkook hugged you around the waist with one arm, laughing, and tried to hold the box of dessert in the other.

"Thank you!" - You were still squeaking over Jungkook's ear. You probably would have hugged your friend for another 5 minutes and mocked his eardrums, but at that moment Jungkook's phone rang. You had to let him go. Handing you a box of donuts, your friend picked up the phone.

"Hello!" - Jungkook said. He went to the sink, and you continued to set the table.

You opened all the boxes and looked forward to finally having a good meal. Jungkook bought pork jangmyeon, kimchi, pickled radish, five packages of cooked rice (Jungkook eats a lot of rice for lunch), your favorite pulgogi, pocheeji (tofu stew), and stewed vegetables. You were almost salivating at the sight and smell of the food. You walked over to the chopstick stand and heard Jungkook talking.

"...Nothing special. I don't think I even asked her name." - You realized who Jungkook was talking about and with whom he was talking. It was Jimin, and conversation was about this morning girl who you had seen in the morning. You looked up at Jungkook. You had to nudge him to the side to get the chopsticks.

"I drunk but remember all. It was good, I don't think I'll call her again." - The irritation reappeared. But why would you care what Jungkook is talking about? But your mood disappeared easily. You were annoyed that he was talking with Jimin about the this morning girl. The image of her in your head made you think back to the fight, which made you feel uncomfortable. "How annoying... let him start telling him in detail about what they were doing there!" - You were angry. Why do he have to discuss it so loudly? You feel like you're eavesdropping, but he's talking so loudly that you have to be deaf not to hear.

You sat down at the table and started eating without waiting for Jungkook. Your movements were sudden and loud. Jungkook noticed that you started eating without him and smiled slyly. Your sudden, irritated movements could not escape his eyes.

"But you know what, Hyung? I haven't had a blowjob this good in a long time." - You spat out the pulgogi you had put in your mouth a moment before. You coughed, covering your mouth with your hand so that you couldn't be heard.

Jimin didn't know you were living with Jungkook, no one did. You were the one who asked don’t to tell anyone. You explained that you might be misunderstood, because everyone already suspected you were dating. But this did not happen. Even though you spent most of your time with Jungkook, it didn't mean that you were dating. You were just really good friends. Like soul mates. Although, considering the last three months, you were like sworn enemies.

Jungkook walked over to you and lightly patted you on the back while he continued to talk on the phone.

"I can give you her number if you want." - You heard your friend's voice somewhere above your head. He sounded like he was smiling. You wanted to strangle him. How can you say such things when a person is eating? You looked up at him. He was standing over you, smiling slyly. Jungkook was no longer pounding you, but stroking you. You beat his hand away and gestured that he was a fool and needed to end the conversation because the food goes cold.

"Anything. I was going to have lunch and bought some food." - A big sly smile graced Jungkook's lips. He sat down next to you and grabbed the metal chopsticks. Your eyes were completely focused on the lunch dishes, but with your peripheral vision you saw what your friend was doing. He was opening his portion of rice and still listening to what Jimin was saying to him.

"Tonight? I'm free..." - Jungkook answered. You looked up at him with anger eyes and encounter with two black buttons. "Ahh, I mean I'm free, but I promised Y/N I'd eat samgyopsal with her. We haven't seen each other for a long time, and she's going crazy because of the exams..." - Your friend made up a lie on the spot. You raised one eyebrow in surprise and question. Would he really refuse to meet Jimin? You love Jimin, he's also your friend, but whenever Jungkook is "free in the evening" like this and Jimin calls him, it always ends the same way. Jungkook is either gone for a day or he brings someone home. Jungkook probably feels guilty and, taking into account his words about following the rules, decided to lie. The guy sitting next to him nodded his head with a sweet look on his face, confirming to you that he wasn't going anywhere with Jimin. You lost interest and went back to your plate.

"If you want to join us, I won't mind. After all, we've been wanting to eat samgyopsal with you for a long time. But you need to text Y/N. She needs to know you're coming too. She's been very nervous lately." - You heard that irritating smart guy. His side was instantly hurt by your punch.

"I'm not a nervous, fool!" - You said with one lip. Jungkook could hardly contain his laughter. He talked to Jimin for another minute and finally said goodbye. You didn't say anything, although at first you thought about killing Jungkook as soon as he hung up, but you changed your mind. It's better to restrain yourself. God, why are you so angry with this guy lately? Has he really always had such a big mouth?

The only sound in the kitchen was the sound of metal chopsticks hitting a plate. When Jungkook finished talking on the phone, several minutes had passed. And all this time you were eating in silence. Each of you was thinking about something different. For example, you were wondering why Jungkook hadn't spoken to you yet. Why he didn't ask you if you liked the food, or why you were angry, or if you wanted to go to a restaurant tonight and have samgyopsal with Jimin. God, what's wrong with you? You're ready to go off like a bomb. How soon is your period due? Maybe you're so angry because your period is coming up.

"How's the food, baby?" - Jungkook finally broke the silence. You took your time answering. He surprises you sometimes. How he knows what you want him to do. He almost always does exactly what you think. You've known him for so long that you can just guess what he's going to do?

"It's good." - You said, finishing the radish. You tried to keep your tone calm, but it came out too dry. Jungkook smiled, surprisingly. You heard him sigh.

"You wanted to eat samgyopsal, so I thought we'd go to a restaurant not far from here tonight. That's why I made up this story for Jimin..." - Your friend said. But to you, it sounded like an excuse. He said it after you gave him a look full of lightning.

"Really? For some reason, I thought that when you told Jimin you were free, you wanted to continue yesterday's fun!" - You said in a sarcastically sweet voice.

"No, I didn't. I really wanted to invite you to eat out." - Jungkook said seriously. "But if you don't want to..."

"I do. I need a drink." - You said, getting up from the table.

"You've already eaten?" - Jungkook was surprised. You grabbed a box of donuts to eat alone in your room. Jungkook had bought them for you and you didn't want to share them.

"Yeah, you talked on the phone too long. I'm already full. What time should we go?" - You asked.

"I don't know, what time do you get hungry?"

"Okay. I'll tell you when I'm hungry. Thanks for lunch." - You turned on your feet and walked toward your bedroom.

***

You spent almost the whole day in your room. After lunch, Jungkook went out without telling you when he would be back. You only knew he had left when the door slammed shut. Trying not to think about what business Jungkook could have gone on, you turned on a drama to distract yourself from the annoying thoughts of your friend and your constantly irritating attitude towards him. You didn't get to watch the drama properly. First, you got a call from Suyong, a friend from the university. Then you called your parents and talked to your mom on the phone for almost two hours. It had been a long time since you had talked to her for that long. Given your busy study schedule, conversations with your parents were usually late at night and it was literally to find out if you were okay.

After talking to your mom, you received a text message from Jimin inviting you and Taehyung to join you with Jungkook for grilled pork and soju tonight. You agreed, saying that you missed the guys and that you'd love to spend the evening with them. You really needed to dilute the company of Jungkook, who had been annoying you lately.

Finally, when you finished texting Jimin, you could devote yourself to watching a drama.

The drama turned out to be so interesting that you didn't notice how you watched 6 episodes at a time and it was getting dark outside. You felt very hungry, because your last meal was well past lunchtime.

You went out to the living room to look for Jungkook. He must have come back when you didn't hear him, but the light was off. You noticed that Jungkook's jacket, boots, and bike helmet were missing. It's so late, almost eight o'clock in the evening. Where could he be for so long? Maybe he was called to work because of something urgent?

You didn't know where Jungkook worked. The only thing you knew was that it had something to do with security. He was some kind of manager or something. You repeatedly tried to ask Jungkook where he worked, but he was skillful at avoiding answering.

You went back to your room to call your friend and tell him you were hungry. A few long rings and he picked up the phone.

"Hello!" - Jungkook said.

"Hello. Where are you?" - You asked.

"I went away for work. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I had an emergency." - Jungkook's voice was quiet in the background.

"Mmm. I'm already hungry." - You said. "You promised we'd go to a restaurant."

"Yeah. How long until you're ready?" - You heard Jungkook walk outside. The sound of the road and the wind reached your ear.

"Are you coming to pick me up?" - You asked hopefully.

"If you want." - Jungkook said gently. You didn't think for a second. You answered immediately.

"I want to. I'll be ready in about 30 minutes."

"I'll be there in exactly half an hour. I'll call Jimin and have him come too." - You heard the sound of Jungkook's bike engine.

"Taehyung will be here too." - You said as you went to the shower.

"Great. It'll be more fun!" - Said your friend. "I'll be there soon. Get ready." - You gave a short "Okay" and ran to take a shower.

After quick showers you washed face and put on light makeup. If it were just you and Jungkook, you wouldn't have done this. You're used to not wearing makeup around him. But Jimin and Taehyung are the kind of people who shouldn't see you without makeup. You can't really trust them. In December, you wore a warm beige sweatshirt and jeans to keep warm on motorcycle. It might have been warm in the restaurant, but you don't want to freeze to death while Jungkook is riding his bike. So a warm puffy jacket is perfect. You were just putting on your hat when Jungkook called. He told you that he was waiting for you.

You arrived at a restaurant that was a block away from your house. It was a cozy place that was always crowded. Jungkook parked his bike and you went inside together. To your surprise, Jimin and Taehyung were already there, grilling pork. When they saw you, they waved their hands energetically to invite you to the table.

"Hi guys!" - You greeted your friends, taking turns hugging them. Jungkook shook his hands and helped you undress. There was a hanger near each table. You sat down at the table and felt the smell of roasting meat warming your appetite to the max. Jungkook sat down next to you.

"How are you? Did you come together?" - Jimin spoke to you. You followed his movements and the way the pork was being cooked, fascinated.

"I picked up Y/N on the way to the restaurant." - Jungkook said as he stuffed his mouth with rice and kimchi. You decided to wait until the meat was ready and then start eating.

"Taehyung, pour me some soju." - You asked him gently, noticing the four bottles on the edge of the table. He smiled kindly and grabbed the bottle closest to him.

"Don't drink on an empty stomach. I'm not going to carry you home on my shoulders." - Jungkook said, still chewing on something. He waved his hand at the shot glass you were holding in your hand and you saw that his knuckles were knocked off. You abruptly put the stack down on the table before Taehyung could finish, causing some soju to spill onto the table. You turned to Jungkook, grabbing his injured arm.

"What happened to your hand?" - You asked with horror in your voice. Jimin and Taehyung looked at you, puzzled. Jungkook wanted to pull his hand out, but you were holding it tightly. Jungkook carefully hid his other hand.

"Hey, did you fight with someone? Let me see your left hand!" - You demanded. Jungkook used a little more force and this time pulled his arm out. You looked at your friend in displeasure. Jungkook looked at you, and then at his friends, who were also looking at him.

"It's nothing. I just fell off my bike." - Jungkook replied, ignoring his friends' looks and continuing to eat. Jimin and Taehyung lost interest as well, the former continuing to grill the meat and the latter starting to eat as well.

"How did you fall off the bike?" - You asked. Of course you didn't believe him. How can you fall so hard that you hurt your knuckles? Or is it possible?

"Simple, I didn't calculate the rise when I parked. I forgot to put on gloves, so I bruised my hands." - Your friend explained indifferently. You continued to look at the wounds on his hand with suspicion. Jimin had already finished grilling some of the meat and put it on your plate first, followed by the rest to everyone else . You didn't notice because you were too busy worrying about Jungkook. He continued to ignore you and stuff his stomach. You sniffled, went back to your plate, and started eating. Why do you care so much if he doesn't care? You hadn't seen Jimin and Taehyung in a long time, so you decided that you would pay more attention to those two and your wonderful dinner.

The friendly get-together was a great decision for you. Jimin and Taehyung were perfect for a casual conversation on a Sunday night. You had fun, delicious food, and warmth. For some reason, Jungkook, who was sitting next to you, hardly participated in your conversations. You found out that Jimin had been promoted last week, and Taehyung told you how he lost a bet with a friend in the military (Taehyung was in the military special forces) and had to do some hellish set of exercises. He also said what it was called, but you didn't remember because you were already a little drunk. What's the point of making excuses, even sober you couldn't remember the name of this exercises. You encouraged your friend, telling him that he would become even cooler and stronger than he was before after the bet. Taehyung almost went to kiss you for that compliment.

Sometimes, when you looked in Jungkook's direction, you noticed that he was constantly texting with someone. And a few times he even went to talk on the phone, although he lied about taking a smoke break. Jungkook did smoke. Although it didn't fit in with his lifestyle and sports, which he was obsessed with, but yes, he smoked. Once in a conversation, he shared that smoking helps him calm his nerves. Don’t good reason, if ask you. There are many other ways to calm your nerves. But if smoking is the only thing that helps Jungkook, what can you do?

In the afternoon, Jungkook was gone all day. He said he had an urgent call to work. Could his distant behavior have something to do with it?

Jungkook returned after another smoke break. When he sat down next to you, you caught the smell of cigarettes and his perfume. It wasn't a good combination, but you liked it. You turned your head to the black-haired guy who was your best friend and roommate. He picked up a shot of soju and drank it in one gulp without even a wince.

You were shocked when he suddenly started drinking after a while of sitting there. Although he didn't mean to at first. He was driving and it was logical. When you protested who would take you home, he said "taxi". You stopped worrying. It's not far anyway, you can walk at least.

Jimin and Taehyung left the table, one to go to the restroom and the other goes to order more appetizers and soju.

In a short moment, Jungkook drank another shot of alcohol. What caught your attention were his bruised knuckles. Some of them were just red, even blue, and the first three were bruised to the point of blood. This was evidenced by the healing wounds covered with a blood crust.

"They should have at least put band-aids on them or something." - Suddenly you said, drawing Jungkook's attention. He gave you a look.

"No need for that." - He smiled. You rolled your eyes.

"Of course, we're so cool. There can't be any infection or contamination at all. You fell on the road. Is asphalt ever sterile?" - You answered sarcastically.

Jungkook smiled, his smile seemed sly. He leaned in and whispered almost in your ear.

"You care about me that much?" - A wave of heat rushed through your body. Your alcohol-red cheeks flushed even more. Your heart started to race. That self-assured, sly smile on his handsome face again.

"Get over yourself, Jeon. I'm just saying the obvious. If you've hurd, you need to take care of yourself." - You said calmly. But if Jungkook could hear your heart beating so fast it could jump out of your chest, you were doomed to fail. Jungkook laughed again, confidently, still too close to you. How he loved this kind of talk. Teasing you was probably his favorite thing to do.

"I’d rather when someone cares about me." - Now it was your turn to laugh. That's what you did when he said. "When we get home, will you take care of me?" - Jungkook whispered in your ear. His breath was hot, and his whisper set your insides on fire. You couldn't give up so easily. He was teasing you and you knew it. This thing was that manner of his, probably the same way he traps the girls who fall into his bed. Ahhh that fox! But you rarely lost in such cases.

"You want me to take care of you, of course I could, but on a condition." - You joked. Jungkook raised his left eyebrow with interest, while playing with a lock of your hair.

"What condition?" - You heard his playful tone.

"You will do me good." - You answered. Jungkook froze, and the curl he was playing with slipped from his finger. "I win," you thought, laughing with difficulty.

Jungkook probably wanted to answer, but his friends came to the table at the same time.

"Just look at them!" - Taehyun said to Jimin with indignation. "And then they say they're not dating. They're openly flirting with each other!" - You straightened up sharply and tried to pull away from Jungkook. Your best friend also returned to his previous position, folding his arms on the table.

"Really. Perhaps you two confess to us at the end. Who is this hypocrisy for?" - Jimin said as he poured soju for everyone. You were outraged. Again, these talks about relationships. Especially from Jimin, who knows that Jungkook fucked another girl this night. If he was in a relationship with you, how could he do that?

"Hey guys, come on!" - You started to get angry. "We've discussed this topic a thousand times. We are not in a relationship. It's never going to happen." - You knocked over a stack of soju Jungkook waiting for anyone to respond. Jungkook looked at you, struck by how harshly you said it.

"Living with him is a nightmare, what kind of relationship you talking about?" - You blurted out. The table became quiet. Everyone was looking at you, trying to understand what you had just said. Jungkook tried to hold back his laughter. You were gave yourself away.

Panic filled your thoughts. But you had to act quickly, given the looks on Taehyung and Jimin's faces. You threw a quick glance at Jungkook, who was almost laughing.

"Do you live together?" - Taehyung asked, squinting his eyes.

"No." - You answered too quickly. "I mean, he's impossible to stand in life, we argue all the time, how would I date him?" - You justified yourself.

"We argue because you're always unhappy about something." - Jungkook suddenly spoke up. He sounded irritated.

"I'm unhappy about something?!" - You punched Jungkook in the ribs. "You're the one who's always acting like a piece of idiot!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." - Jimin tried to calm the two of you down. "Otherwise, people are all staring at us." - You turned away from Jungkook. This guy really annoys you.

"Let's talk about this specifically." - Taehyung began to think out loud. "You've been best friends for a long time. Ever since high school. You went to taekwondo school together. You spend a lot of time together. Have you ever thought about dating?"

"No!" - You and Jungkook said in unison.

"Well, don't you attract Jungkook’s appearance? He was very popular in school and college." - Jimin joined the conversation. You chewed your meat and answered indifferently.

"I know and I've never denied that Jungkook is handsome, but dealing with his character is a mission impossible." - You said. Jungkook started to complain again, exclaiming "what the hell is wrong with my character?!" as Jimin ordered him to be quiet and continued his interrogation.

"You mean you admit that you like him... Appearance!" - Your friend clarified.

"Well, yes. But I don't look at his looks..." - You said. "You know It's like when you eat chocolate every day and it gets tried and you just stop enjoying it, even though it tastes the same. Besides, I always had only one problem with those girls of his. And it continues to this day." - You finally finished. All three guys were puzzled.

"How about you. What do you think Jungkook? Do you like Y/N’s looks then?" - Taehyung asked. Jungkook clicked his tongue.

"What are you guys, matchmakers? Stop asking stupid questions."

"Hey, have you lost your mind? I answered so you answer too!" - You snapped, glaring at your friend.

"So you want to know if I like you, baby?" - Jungkook purred. He was amused that it was you who insisted on answering. You blushed. Him calling you "baby" in front of everyone didn't make it any easier for you.

"I swear, Jeon, I'm going to kill you tonight." - You were seriously angry. And for Jungkook, there was nothing more amusing than your expression right now. He took another drink, keeping the three of you waiting.

"Y/N is hot. And her looks are beautiful." - Jungkook finally said. Hearing those words about yourself is like a miracle. Jungkook really thinks you're hot? Oh my God, you were ready to fall apart. "But she's not my type. So we'll never really have anything with her." - It's like a bucket of cold water was dumped on you after his words. You froze, but there it was expected. Yes, you've always known it. You are not his type and he would never like you. So there's nothing to talk about. You were upset, but you couldn't show it. You faked a laugh to support Jungkook's words.

"You see, there's no way we're going to be able to date. I hope this is the end of the matter." - You said.

"Come on!" - Taehyung persisted. "If you were to live together in the same apartment, wouldn't anything happen between you?"

"Do you mean sex?" - Jungkook asked. You almost choked on the rice bun you were eating. Jimin jumped up to you and gently patted you on the back to save your life.

"Yes. In theory." - Taehyung asked with a sly smile.

"I don't know." - Jungkook shrugged. "In theory, it could happen if we lived together." - It was at that moment that you really thought you were going to die.

↰ Previous chapter ● Next chapter ↱

[drabblesandsnippets]

Sunshine - Part 4

Hot Bucky Summer 2024 - Week 8

Pairing: Roommate!Bucky x Plus-size female character (nickname is Sunshine)

Prompt: “Maybe this'll help you relax” | [Hot Bath | Another Drink | Cockwarming] @buckybarnesevents

Summary: (4k) Series Masterlist TW: Mention of (past) SA. During a blackout, Bucky learns more about Sunshine’s past.

Warnings: 18+ Only. Slow burn. Grumpy/Sunshine trope. Happy Bucky (is that a warning?) - he's a photographer in this AU. Mention of insecurities, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and body image (she's a bit of a mess, okay?). Internal dialogue. Sexual thoughts. Use of weed. Mention of car accident and minor injuries. Mention of emotionally immature parents. Mention of (past) SA.

---------------------------

Bucky barely got any sleep last night, having spent most of it thinking about Sunshine and the different ways he could confess his feelings. Ridiculous, elaborate plans that would likely just overwhelm her and risk ruining this before it can even begin. None of which he actually considered putting forth.

This isn’t about surprising her or winning her over. Bucky wants Sunshine to trust him enough to share her past, to allow him to learn what shaped her into the woman she is today. Not as a means to take advantage of their undeniable connection, but to see if this is even something she wants to pursue.

The intimate moment they shared last night is the only evidence he has that she feels the same way he does. It’s not enough to jeopardize their friendship, no matter how much he wants to ask her out on a date. No matter how much he wants to tell her how beautiful she is and how long he’s thought about kissing her.

Bucky’s determined to do this right.

Which means he also has to take into account what Sunshine might be dealing with if his assumptions are correct. He already saw a glimpse of it last night, the way she blushed and acted as if it didn’t suddenly feel like they were the only two people in the world. Trying to pretend that they were sharing a friendly interaction and not the start of something that most people only get to dream about.

Planning to listen to his intuition - something that’s rarely steered Bucky wrong - he decides to approach this from two different angles. 

Before he leaves for work, he takes the time to write her a note, going through several pieces of paper figuring out how to word his message. Friendly, but not overly flirty. The point is to ease her worry that things are awkward between them, not to convince her that last night meant something to him.

Bucky will save that for tonight. And, if there’s any indication that Sunshine’s looking for a relationship, he won’t let her go one more night convincing herself that he doesn’t want her. He can’t.

-------------------

After tossing and turning for the last few hours, she finally kicks off the covers and sits up in bed with a soft groan. The last thing she wants to do is get ready for work, having to go into the office today, but the thought of calling out sick gives her too much anxiety.

 She’s not sick. She’s just stupid. 

Last night has been playing on a loop in her head, as if her brain is trying to torture her, oscillating between convincing her it was all in her head, to wondering if there really was some mutual flirtation going on.

By the time her alarm is going off, she’s done a spectacular job of sticking to being ‘realistic’ about the whole thing.

Bucky definitely wasn’t flirting. He was being friendly and she was reading way too much into it. She’s not his type. She imagined the whole thing. Even if he was flirting, it didn’t mean anything - it’s just who he is and now he’s comfortable showing that part of himself to her.

While getting dressed, she’s going further down the rabbit hole, imagining worst-case. It doesn’t even matter that he behaved like nothing was out of the ordinary after he was finished taking her picture. He kept his word, delivered her the final product and even joked that seeing her positive reaction to the headshots was payment enough.

But it still doesn’t stop her from believing that she’s going to find no coffee waiting for her. Or wondering if he moved out in the middle of the night to get as far away from her as possible.

If nothing else, she excels at nonsensical scenarios.

When she finally enters the kitchen, it’s like the wind gets knocked out of her. There’s coffee waiting, the familiar Good Morning, Sunshine! travel mug full and ready to go, but there’s also a piece of carefully folded paper next to it.

Oh god.

Every single possibility races through her head again, one thought slamming into another before she can even process the original one. Torn between wanting to quickly get it over with to see what the note says and wanting to postpone it for as long as possible, to delay bad news.

Already wasting enough time, her schedule forces her to gather her things and rush out the door, the unread note stuffed in her pocket, her heartbeat pounding in her ears with each heavy step she takes towards the subway. 

He’s leaving. You made him uncomfortable.

The moment she finds an empty seat on the train, she uses all the tricks to slow her breath and ease the stitch in her chest. Her anxiety is getting the best of her, not letting her think straight, causing her to feel as if she’s already living her worst nightmare.

Knowing she can’t wait until she’s at work, she wipes her sweaty palms on her thighs, the linen of her pants soaking up her nerves. 

Bucky wouldn’t deliver bad news like this. He wouldn’t treat her like she means nothing to him. Deciding not to silently admonish herself for believing he would, she opens the note instead, her hands shaking uncontrollably.

Good morning, Sunshine!

Thank you for trusting me to take your picture.

If you ever want to do it again, 

just say the word and I’m all yours.

(that goes for anything you want to do together)

I hope you have a great day!

Try not to work too hard,

     Bucky

During the 5th reread, she almost misses her stop and shoves the note back in her pocket, planning to look at it at least ten more times today. At least she finally feels like she can breathe again.

Everything’s okay. 

Maybe more than okay?

Instead of allowing herself to go down that line of thinking, she’s just happy that she didn’t fuck things up last night. Their friendship is the only thing that matters to her. She can deal with the rest of it later. Or, never.

-------------------

The expected thunderstorm arrives earlier than predicted, drenching Sunshine just minutes before she walks in the door. Finding Bucky standing there ready with a towel, her look of annoyance morphs into one of surprise and he grins at her, resisting the urge to wrap her up in his arms. 

He’s also ignoring the desire to let his eyes roam, just barely catching a glimpse of the way her wet clothes cling to her body. Bucky wants to peel them off of her, expose every inch of glistening skin, lick up each drop of-.

Sunshine’s movements interrupt his thoughts, the towel mopping up the wetness along her arms as she rushes to her bedroom to change. Brief exchanges of hello, a passing complaint about forgetting her umbrella at work, and he’s suddenly alone again, searching for another towel to dry the floor as he laughs to himself.

This isn’t how he expected their evening to start, but Bucky’s not going to let it faze him. Nothing can ever go exactly as planned, he just needs to make sure Sunshine’s evening isn’t ruined. A little rain might seem inconsequential to him, but it could be her last straw after a stressful day.

Giving her space to dry off and join him when she’s ready, Bucky moves into the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of coffee and look through their cabinets for a snack. Just as he’s planning to prepare more than enough to share with her, the flicker of the lights stops him in his tracks.

The storm is building and there’s a very real possibility they’re going to lose power. 

Praying the coffee finishes before they do, Bucky calls out for Sunshine and starts gathering supplies for the impending blackout, tossing everything onto the counter. Flashlights and batteries. Candles and lighters. A portable charger. A charged USB fan from his backpack in case it gets warm.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky,” she says, joining him in the kitchen, eyeing everything he’s managed to find in such a short amount of time. 

Bucky doesn’t miss the way his readiness makes her smile, but just as he opens his mouth to respond, fate steps in, reminding them who’s in charge, and they’re engulfed in darkness.

Sunshine’s soft, exasperated “well fuck me” seems to echo throughout the suddenly quiet apartment and straight to Bucky’s brain, threatening to send him into a spiral of dirty thoughts. All he can do is break into a fit of laughter to join hers, the exhilarating sound filling him with contentment.

Whatever happens tonight, it’ll only bring them closer.

A few minutes later, the soft glow of the lit candles creating an unintentional romantic atmosphere, Bucky joins Sunshine on the couch, setting her bong and glass container of weed carefully on the coffee table.

“What are you doing?” There’s a slight furrow to her brow, but she’s laughing, as if she’s hoping for another rare night where he joins her.

It hadn’t been his plan - wanting to be as clear headed as he could be tonight - but, the look she’s giving him has him throwing away every last shred of the plan. None of this has gone the way he thought it would, so he may as well go with the flow.

“I dunno about you,” he grins, pulling his legs underneath him to turn towards her, giving her his full attention, “but I’d love nothing more than to get high and play some cards with you.” Producing a deck of cards from his jeans, her smile grows and he watches a bit of the stress from her day melt away.

Bucky may not know everything about Sunshine, but he’s paid attention long enough to know what she needs during moments like this.

-------------------

Bucky’s note was the highlight of her day, everything going downhill after that. Meetings that should have been emails. Unnecessary, awkward social interactions. The looming promise of a mid-year review. The only thing she wanted to do after work was come home, get stoned, and find something to distract her brain for a bit.

None of her usual choices are options now that they’ve lost power, and the fact that Bucky seems to understand without her having to say a word makes last night come rushing back. Even if there hadn’t been any flirting, it’s obvious that he cares about her, and not just on a surface level. That’s what she needs to be focusing on, not the delusional hope of having more with him.

The weed helps, encouraging her to relax and enjoy the moment with Bucky, the occasional dirty thought quickly brushed away. The usual anxiety and insecurities that are known to plague her are quieted, and soon she’s having too much fun laughing and joking with him to worry about anything else.

She doesn’t even mind when the joking turns into more serious conversations, the topic soon approaching dangerous territory: childhood and family. She listens with rapt attention while Bucky recounts the tale of how he and Steve met the summer before junior year of high school.

“I had just gotten my license,” he explains, glancing at his cards to decide his next play, “and was driving my mom’s old station wagon home from a friend’s when a guy blew through a stop sign, hit my passenger side and spun my car straight into a tree.”

She gasps and her eyes widen, her mind suddenly filled with horrible images of teenage Bucky hurt and in pain, but she’s too invested in the story to verbalize any thought or question, her own cards held tightly in her hands.

Not letting the tension build, Bucky’s quick to tell her, “I was lucky, but the tree put up a pretty good fight.” She watches as he pulls up his short sleeve to show her a faint scar above his left bicep, the thin line snaking around his arm and up underneath his shirt.

Using the excuse that the candles aren’t providing enough light, she leans in to get a better look, the couch dipping between them as she ignores the part of her brain telling her to touch him. The absurd thought is almost enough to make her laugh, but she covers it up with a soft clearing of her throat and settles back, meeting his gaze to say, “Please don’t tell me Steve was the guy who ran the stop sign.”

Easing any worries starting to grow, Bucky grins and shakes his head. “Of course not. The hospital was busy, so I ended up with a roommate.” The bright smile on his face tells her everything she needs to know, and she laughs when he confirms it. “Steve and I immediately butted heads, and then became inseparable. It didn’t take long for my parents to basically adopt him as their own, and right before 11th grade ended, they invited him to move in with us like it was nothing.”

After everything Bucky’s told her about his parents, she’s not surprised, but she’s unable to stop herself from blurting out, “Wow. Your family is a lot different than mine.” She’s still laughing when she says it, but that familiar feeling of being too vulnerable threatens to rear its ugly head. 

For the first time, and not just because of the weed, she dismisses the fear, suddenly wanting nothing more than to share more of herself with Bucky. She’s kept so many things safely hidden, unsure of how he might react, or how it would change things between them. They just started to truly be comfortable with each other, and while she’s scared of erasing all that progress, the need for more of a connection with him is too great.

As if reading her mind, Bucky gently says, “I know not everyone is fortunate enough to have parents like I do.” He pauses to take his turn in the card game, then adds with a smile, “So while I might not be able to truly understand, I’d still like to try.”

Taking a moment to consider her next play, her eyes focused on her cards, she casually begins with, “My parents are the complete opposite of yours.” A glance up to see that Bucky’s attention is only on her has a tingle of excitement settling over her, a complete contrast to the usual jolt of worry and nausea she feels during these conversations. “Distant. Cold. Selfish. I think they call it ‘emotionally immature’ or something.”

Putting her cards face-down in front of her, she finally meets his eyes again, seeing nothing but sympathy staring back at her. There’s no pity, no look as if she’s suddenly broken. It encourages her to keep going, to share more of herself with him.

Giving him a slight shrug and a soft exhale of a laugh, she explains, “Basically, they didn’t know how to be parents or care enough to even try. Other than meeting our physical needs - roof over our head, food in the fridge - it was like living with complete strangers. But hey, it’s probably why I’m so good at living with roommates.”

“Jesus,” Bucky laughs, shaking his head at her. Her dark humor has a way of catching people off guard, but it’s obvious that he’s not just laughing to placate her. He genuinely seems to appreciate her jokes, even the ‘inappropriate’ ones.

“It’s true!” Her growing smile only seems to make him laugh more and she shrugs innocently, their attention on each other, the game now paused. “But, it’s also why I struggle at communicating and expect the worst in every situation.”

Bucky nods in understanding, a soft smile on his face. When his tongue flicks out to wet his lips, she can’t even resist glancing at his mouth before meeting his gaze again, her cheeks growing warm. With just a hint of knowing smile, he says, “It’s why I left you the note this morning. I figured there might be a little stressing out, and I wanted to try to help if I could.”

“You did.”

This time when their eyes connect, she doesn’t forget how to breathe, despite the dazzling smile suddenly lighting up his face. Her heart still skips a beat, but her body stays relaxed enough for her to take in a slow, deep breath. 

As her lungs fill, warmth spreads throughout her body, and that deep yearning returns. That longing for connection and intimacy, to be loved and cared for by someone. It’s the only reason she has for what comes out of her mouth next.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Anything.” He says it so quickly and with such conviction that she actually believes it. For right now, in this moment, she trusts that she can tell him anything and it won’t be ‘too much’ or make him treat her differently.

She still doesn’t find the words until after she takes a much needed sip of water, keeping the sweating bottle in her grip to occupy her hands. “Sometimes I worry that I’m too fucked up for a relationship. That no one can handle all the things wrong with me.”

-------------------

This isn’t how Bucky wanted to get to this information, but he’s still grateful to learn that Sunshine isn’t necessarily single on purpose. Despite her sadness, it gives him a spark of hope that this is the invitation he’s been waiting for. 

Treading carefully, he slowly shakes his head to disagree, telling her, “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

His words make her laugh, but he takes it in stride, letting her speak her piece, listening to her list all the things she views as ‘wrong’ about herself. Her anxiety, her insecurities, her intrusive thoughts, her lack of family and inability to trust people.

Once she pauses, Bucky leans forward, not caring when their cards slide along the couch cushion, mixing together. What she needs to hear is more important than anything else. “Those are things you struggle with.”

With another soft laugh, she replies, “It’s the same thing.” 

“No, Sunshine, it’s not.” Bucky’s smile fades slightly, giving her a glimpse into his serious side, desperate for her to understand how he views her.

There's nothing wrong with her and she's not broken. 

He can see the emotion growing behind her eyes, the familiar ache to pull away, to break the silence with a joke. Bucky expects it, and he won’t fight her on it, but he doesn’t encourage it this time. He stands his ground, holding her gaze, an understanding smile gracing his face as he waits for her.

“You don’t understand.” 

It comes out as a whisper, barely audible, but the apartment’s still quiet, save for the lingering noise of the fading storm coming in through the open window, and the slight hum of the battery-powered fan keeping them relatively cool.

There’s more to Sunshine’s story. Something from her past that makes her believe she’s not worth someone’s time and effort to learn how to love her. It makes him itch to hold her, to physically comfort her in whatever way she’ll allow. 

They’re not quite there yet, so all he can do is encourage her to tell him, then he’ll be able to prove to her that she’s wrong.

“Whatever it is, it still doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

The soft sigh that leaves Sunshine tells him she’s ready to divulge more information and he grows quiet, watching her gather the forgotten cards into a neat pile. “My parents weren’t the only fucked up people in my family.”

This isn’t a time for assumptions, but wherever this is going, Bucky’s chest is already starting to ache, silently taking in how her trembling hands reach to load a new bowl. They’re both high as kites, but if it’s what she needs to tell him more of her secrets, he’s not going to question it or shame her.

After a large hit that she almost struggles with, she starts over, telling him, “When I was in high school, I started spending a lot of time at my aunt’s house, while my parents worked.” 

She pauses yet again, this time to offer him a hit, as if grasping for the last bit of distraction she can find to delay this. 

But Bucky doesn't provide her one, politely declining and offering her a soft smile when she teases, “Ya sure? It’s not an easy story. It might help you relax.”

He doesn’t need her to comfort him or make this easier to digest. Bucky wants all of her, especially the parts that she's been taught to believe aren't worth knowing. Carefully placing the bong back on the coffee table, he says, “I’m sure, Sunshine. I promise, it’s okay.”

An audible swallow, a slow nod of her head, and then a deep, steadying breath. Maybe he is starting to get through to her.

Gently clearing her throat, she explains, “I spent a lot of time at my aunt’s house, while my parents worked, and…”

She briefly glances at him again, smiling at the encouraging nod he gives her, before finally allowing her confession to come out. “My older cousin still lived there and he started… paying attention to me.” A nonchalant shrug, and then the words that make Bucky’s stomach drop, “Inappropriate comments turned into unwanted touching.” As if she needs to defend herself, she adds, “I didn’t know what to do. No one had ever talked to me about that stuff.”

“Sunshine,” Bucky says, the urgency in his voice begging her to keep looking at him. It takes her a moment, but when she does, the fear is palpable, the emotion clear in her eyes. “I don’t care if someone gave you step-by-step instructions and you still didn’t know what to do. None of the blame falls on you.”

She blinks back the unshed tears and nods her head, but still tries to dismiss it all with a shrug of her shoulders. “It took me a while to finally tell someone - a teacher at school - and when my family found out, they all just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. My parents were more mad that I got the school and the police involved than they were about anything else.”

It’s Bucky’s turn to hold back the emotion, the anger and sadness threatening to well up inside of him. Thoughts of wanting to find her family and enact some sort of revenge on every single one that caused Sunshine pain. It’s not his responsibility to fix this, but he sure as hell can ease some of her concerns.

“I know there’s nothing I can say that can make up for your shitty family, but I am proud of you, and I am so glad that none of them get to see the amazing person you are today.”

-------------------

She wants to cry. She wants to hug him. She wants to trauma-dump and have him console her. But, she’s not ready for any of that right now, no matter how much she feels like she can suddenly trust him.

There have been countless times where she’s shared this secret with someone and it’s backfired. Caused rifts and awkward exchanges. Reduced a friendship or relationship to nothing but innocent jokes and weird looks during conversations about intimacy and sex. 

The way Bucky is looking at her doesn’t give her any anxiety about their future. She feels seen and heard, and extremely hopeful that things aren’t going to change between them. It allows her to be comfortable enough to remind him again that she’s scared of what her prospects are.

“Now you get it,” she tells him with a smile, offering out her hand like there’s nothing else for her to explain. “No one in their right mind is ever going to want to date me and deal with all my issues.”

“That's not true."

That conviction in Bucky's voice is still there, but it does nothing to prepare her for what he promises next.

"I definitely do.”

---------------------------

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[actual-changeling]

Do you think Aziraphale has been verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by Heaven as well?

I will answer this question like one asked in good faith even though my gut is telling me there's a 50/50 chance it is very much not one.

So!

There are two parts to his answer, or rather one question is actually two.

Firstly, we have to talk about whether heaven is abusive, what that abuse looks like, and how it differs from hell.

Secondly, how did the results of question one affect Aziraphale, if it is different from what the other angels in heaven face, and what additional trauma might he have experienced due to being on earth.

I could write a 10k meta post about this and go into the finest detail, but I will just try and stick to the main points for now. It's still going to be way too long because I am so fucking tired of people accusing me of 'hating' Aziraphale or harassing me on my posts or in my inbox.

Is heaven abusive? Yes, and it applies to both heaven as an institution and the Archangels running it.

Getting to know Muriel and what their life looks like was extremely helpful in properly defining this, because they showed us that although the Archangels tend to travel and work as a group, most of the angels are incredibly isolated.

The result is complete emotional neglect, which not only impairs your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with other people, it also stops your from learning emotional regulation and how to behave and feel as a part of (angelic) society. We see the consequences of that in Muriel, who comes across as overly naive, socially awkward, and out of touch with not just people but themselves.

When your entire life has been shrunk down to what happens inside your own head, suddenly being confronted with having to live outside of your mind is jarring, overwhelming, and foreign.

How do you talk to people when no one ever taught you how to do that? How do you behave around someone after a lifetime of being alone? How do your regulate your responses to their behaviour?

Who are you when there is someone else to perceive you?

Figuring that out is complicated and it takes time, and while most of the angels are only distantly aware of how humans live and what kind of interactions some of the other angels might have, the effects of that neglect stay the same whether they are aware of it or not.

Muriel shows us that angels are not born/made as a blank slate, and neither are humans for that matter. Tabula rasa as a philosophical belief is one thing, but reality is very, very different.

Angels also appear to have the same inherent need for connection, for a caretaker that loves them unconditionally, for someone to help them figure out how to be, and that provides a safe space to make mistakes. Without some or all of that, you grow up into a disregulated, socially awkward if not inept person who does not know how to have relationships or how to properly exist.

It is one of the reasons why autistic people are a) almost always traumatized to some degree and b) do not know how to socialize. No one ever works with our brains, and the resulting neglect is very similar to not receiving any help at all.

If you are now curious what happens if you're both autistic and were completely socially neglected, the result is uh. me. Hi! Not nice, but at least I am very sure I win the award for being my therapist's most fucked up client, so that's something.

Yet the angels are not solely emotionally neglected, the system/household they live in demands a low self-esteem, a lack of individual identity, and complete adherence to a defined ideology and behavioural pattern. In short, you are told how to be a useless, tiny part in a bigger machine, that your only purpose is to succeed at your tasks, and any opportunity for individual development is removed or destroyed.

If you are now once again curious what that might be like, uh, yeah, hi once more. Obviously my childhood was not exactly like an angels life, but the core characteristics were the same, just realized differently. Again, not pretty, really, really fucks you over.

Take that and the neglect, combine it into one person, and then drop them in the Garden of Eden—hello Aziraphale! Crowley got dropped into hell first, experienced more abuse, and then dug his way up into Eden before joining him.

Aziraphale experienced everything Muriel (and Crowley, and every other celestial being) also experienced, with one main difference: He is the one who got away.

We have to remember that out of every single celestial being, Aziraphale got the best deal. He did not fall, he got out of heaven (more or less) permanently, and was then largely left alone.

Does that erase anything I laid out above? No, of course not!

It simply provided him with the opportunity to heal, to take his cPTSD and who knows what other disorders he developed as a result, and start recovering.

Canonically, heaven did not bother him, like, ever, except for the odd note about 'frivolous miracles' or ten minutes of catching up every millennia. They only started monitoring him once they started to suspect he was involved with Crowley and trying to stop the apocalypse from happening.

Aziraphale worked on some things, he got better in many regards, especially with Crowley there to support him, but after six thousand years, many aspects have stayed the same or regressed back to the start over and over.

I will tell you a hard pill to swallow now: If you refuse to acknowledge your issues to instead live in a world of nicer denial and compartmentalization even when you have been offered the chance to change it, that is partly on YOU.

Is it fair? Fuck no! It's not fair at all, and I have had so many breakdowns over that fact. I did not break it, this is not my FAULT so why should I have to fix it all on my own? Why do I have to do the work, not them? How come they get away with it while I am going to have to carry this for the rest of my life?

I still have to do it though. I have to do the work, no matter how uncomfortable and exhausting, because I want to get better.

-

This conversation has so many facets and is a lot more complex, but this is already long enough, so if you have any questions or want to know something specific (while asking politely and in good faith) just send me an ask; I will do my best to answer it.

-

We are now only missing the last part of question 2, and that one is also so fucking complicated reducing it to the main points almost feels wrong, but I will do it anyway. Again, just ask if you have questions.

Abusive households are horrible, and you want to get out and away, but they are also the only thing you know. The world is scary, too big, too open, where did all the rules go that were previously defining your life?

Surviving in an abusive environment means you establish routine after routine after routine for every possible horrible scenario, you write a mental rule book to try and reduce the abuse (don't make them angry, don't cry when they're already shouting, don't do this, don't do that, do x but not y), and THAT is your socialization. THAT is everything you know, everything you are, everything you know relationships to be like.

Once you are away from that, you are completely and utterly lost. Even breathing feels like making a mistake, you feel watched, judged, rated, berated, you have them stuck in your fucking head. So you keep sticking to what you know, your behavioural patterns that have kept you safe your entire life.

The problem is that they kept you safe, past tense. In a healthy environment, all of those coping mechanisms are now maladaptive and harm you instead of keeping you safe.

However, breaking out of them and starting from scratch is terrifying. So, so, so terrifying. I live in constant fear, I feel judged and unsafe in my own flat with the curtains shut and the lights on. I feel like I am about to get subjected to another one of his fits for daring to use the stove.

No matter what you do, your body and brain are SCREAMING at you that diverging from what you know will kill you—and then you have to do it anyway.

Do it alone and afraid and awkwardly but DO IT. Otherwise you will always find a way to recreate the environment you grew up in, whether that is people getting into unhealthy relationships and replicating the patterns they know (which Aziraphale does with Crowley, e.g. the push-pull of his affection) or eventually even returning to it because they ruined you, but a part of you is so, so attached to them you just have to try and change them.

Some people can move on from it without going back, but sometimes you need to try and experience that failure for yourself before being able to move on, and that's where Aziraphale is at.

He needs to try and fail to be capable of finally committing to recovering.

So, to summarize this entire shitshow: Yes, Aziraphale experienced emotional neglect and abuse, and while it is different to what Crowley went through and objectively less intense and physical, it is still just as valid and horrid.

Just because a car accident is objectively worse than falling off a bike doesn't mean the biker's pain is unimportant. Both can kill you, both can hurt you, and both deserve to get their injuries treated.

Questions?

[ari-but-unhinged]

Art for Toritsuka/Hairo fic where I explored what was meant to be a crack ship and is now one of my favourite (??) ships in Saiki k- PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

(A long rant ensues so, if you don’t want that then that’s all good and you don’t have to click, but if you’re interested, then welcome to my rant about a rare pair i love!)

Of course, I started out by simply laughing at the “I hate men” line Toritsuka said about Hairo and thinking writing a crack taken seriously fic would be funny and it would be a nice break before I started this other fic I have planned that is going to be an even bigger endeavour with Saiki k x Danganronpa. What I didn’t see happening was for this Torihai fic to completely take over my brain space and end up with a fic just shy of 20,000 words.

This may not seem like a lot, but I usually only write fics in 1,000-2,000s so this is a lot for me, especially since I’m a slow writer/editor so it takes me a while.

Part of the reason I love these two together is because of the inherent dynamic of Hairo’s inspirational preachiness and how it doesn’t work on Toritsuka, and how it might be refreshing for Hairo to have someone who challenges him (and not in the fake way Teruhashi does, with Toritsuka being very upfront and honest about it). Toritsuka also, because he’s so upfront about his feelings, helps Hairo to express certain emotions like annoyance/sadness that he wouldn’t normally express outwardly. Something else too is that Toritsuka tends to be very physically affectionate, and I don’t know that Hairo is used to that (I haven’t seen any examples of him being physically affectionate in any other way than a bro way) so that could be refreshing as well. Also, also, Toritsuka is Hairo’s gym buddy who was reluctantly dragged along that day Saiki was trying to avoid everyone and no one can change my mind lol (this, in Hairo’s mind, forms a bond between them that can never be broken and he will never stop reminding Toritsuka of this when they hang out).

I just think their dynamic can be playful/fun because they’re both real with each other if that makes sense?

On Toritsuka’s side of things, he doesn’t have a lot of friends and the friends he does have he either doesn’t have any chemistry with or hate him (Saiki lol), so I think it’d be nice for him to have someone who is extremely caring/attentive to his friends and clearly cares deeply about them and shows it often. Because of this, Hairo shows interest in Toritsuka’s life, and for someone who probably hasn’t had many friends, that would mean a lot. Also the fact that Hairo cares so much for Toritsuka sets an example as to how to be a good friend/human would behave and could help him grow as a person (which are always the best friendships/relationships when they grow together rather than staying stagnant and dragging each other down). Being more caring of others and allow him to develop his interpersonal relationships with more than just ghosts, instead with real humans.

Also, I’ve taken to calling them the “errand boys” because it’s a great prompt to force two people who are polar opposites and would never interact to hang out/do an activity together, so I thought it fit them perfectly.

In the fic I changed a few things from canon (sexualities obviously- Tori is bi/queer and Hairo is gay. Although quick side-tangent- I’ve written Tori/Kaidou, Tori/Akechi, and now Tori/Hairo and all three of them either are Asexual or are often headcanonned as ace by the community/me and I just find it very funny that the horniest character is continuously shipped with them. I only realized I did this after I first started writing the fic.)

- Hairo explicitly has psychic powers (it’s something they can bond over and it’s something that plays off of Hairo’s emotions. Cue a lot of blushing not only because of embarrassment but also actual literal heat rushing to his face.)

- Hairo was raised by a single parent (His family is never mentioned so I just made one up)

- Personal headcanon, but I feel like Toritsuka might occasionally pretend to not see spirits in order to avoid getting approached.

- Toritsuka’s backstory has been slightly altered and has a lot more angst to an already pretty sad backstory (it’s played for laughs, but imagine how that would’ve felt for him :( he realized he lost two people he loved in a matter of minutes. Also, he’s a child when this happens so that’s even sadder. I honestly wonder if they died somewhere in the house or he was just there and his guardians didn’t know, like??? How???)

If this made you interested in reading the fic which this is all about, I’ll link it at the end, but if you were just here for the rant, that’s cool too! I’m obsessed with these two because they’re adorable and I must spread the gospel of Torihai.

Link to original fic-

[rhyo-writes]

What Makes a Monster; Prologue

As the title suggests, this is an intro to a new series I've decided to write; my take on the Sinclair twins (House of Wax 2005) and their childhood.

Length: 1k

Fandom: House of Wax 2005

Warnings: references to physical and emotional abuse towards children, allusions to murder and torture, this is a HoW fic so take that as warning

If you asked Bo Sinclair what the biggest lie in Ambrose was, you’d probably expect to hear something about the image of a perfect and loving family his mother was so desperate to achieve. The pretense Trudy was so sure the town would believe if her boys would just behave, if they showed up to church every Sunday, if Bo would just be like his brother. And he might at first be tempted to say that, but it simply wasn’t true, even if technically the biggest lie was about his family, and if it technically was about their perfection. But despite these technicalities, it had nothing to do with the loving facade Trudy so desperately pushed. No, this lie concerned Bo’s other half, his mother’s favorite twin, the little artist following in his mother’s footsteps, the model child that Trudy showered with praise, just as oblivious as the rest of the town to the truth.

Vincent was the lie, the golden boy facade as false as the mask he always wore, and the truth just as mangled as what lay underneath. It made Bo angry, this whole good-twin bad-twin game they’d been thrust into, the endless comparisons, the idolization of his brother, when Bo knew that Vincent was just as twisted as he was. Maybe even more so. 

Sure, Bo lashed out. He had a violent temper, and he was quick with his fists, using violence to solve any problem thrust upon him, but that was common knowledge. Everyone knew Bo was a problem, a difficult child, a delinquent, his future a criminal record stretching longer than any list of achievements he could make. Everyone knew of the raging fire burning in his soul, ready to send him over the edge at any second. Even Trudy had given up pretending to love him, whining about her horrid son to her church friends. Everyone saw Bo for who he was, but no one truly saw Vincent.

If Bo was a raging fire, then Vincent was a deceptively calm ocean, serene upon inspection, but with an ever present barrage of deadly currents, hidden just below the surface, invisible until it was far too late for the errant swimmer. Sure, the other kids thought he was a freak, and the adults whispered that he was a bit strange, but they chalked it up to a hard start, to his deformities, to his horrid twin. And sure, their classmates never bullied Vincent the way they did Lester, disturbed by the drawings in Vincent’s sketchbook, saving him from the full force of their hatred up front. But they had no clue just how far that disturbance went, or how dangerous Vincent could be. They had no clue that every day their choice to shun him over outright violence kept them alive, or that the disappearance of the one boy who destroyed Vincent’s work was more than a coincidence.

But Bo knew, how could he not. He knew Vincent, the mirror to his own self, a reflection, perhaps backwards in presentation, but with a soul just as filled with rot and decay as his own. Bo knew that the sculptures of squirrels, rats, mice, and the occasional bat that crowded the shelves of Lester’s room weren’t realistic solely due to Vincent’s skill, but in part as a result of the rotting corpses underneath, an armature not for the squeamish. Bo knew that the stomach churning drawings that filled page after page of Vincent’s sketchbook weren’t the nightmares they were passed off as, but the dark fantasies that lurked like cobwebs etched into his brother’s soul.

And in some dark corner of his brain, Bo Knew that he had to act out, he had create enough chaos and destruction for the two of them, because if he didn’t, the things Vincent would do would be so much worse, and there wouldn’t be enough shadowed crevices or overturned trees in the world to hide the slew of bodies that would follow his brother.

Bo loved Vincent, he really did, but sometimes, a part of him wished that his perfect twin would get in trouble the way he did, for his mother to realize that her precious baby was just as much a freak, they were twins after all, two sides of the same coin.  “It’s not fair,” he wanted to scream, “he’s just as awful, just as horrible,” but try as he might to relay the obvious, that they were identical in both mind and body, no one would listen. His mother would backhand him, furious, for how dare he speak that way about her precious little angel, and Bo would go to bed hungry, seething, trying to tell himself he preferred an empty stomach to the hell that was family dinner. 

Years later he’d watch victims plead with Vincent, convinced that they just had to get through the web of lies they thought Bo had strung, and that if they could Vincent would help them. These small minded people, dumb with fear, oblivious to the inherent cruelty of Vincent’s work, pleading for their lives as if they were more than a step of the creative process, convinced that Vincent must feel sorry for them. He was the tortured artist, he wanted to save them, he hated killing, delusions that made Bo laugh before he’d smash in their faces.

Little did they know that he was far from complicit, in fact, Vincent lived for the feeling of blood on his hands. Nothing quite got the gears of his brain turning like a fresh face to work with, a fresh canvas awaiting his vision. Because Bo was not the mastermind behind the hell Ambrose had become, as much as he’d love to give himself credit. Bo never had much of a vision for the future, for what they could create, but he had someone who did. Someone just as cruel and sadistic, someone happy to help cover Bo’s tracks if it meant he could create his art. No, Bo was not the one behind the town of wax, Vincent was. 

[blorb-el]

Don’t know if you made a post on this but what’s your opinion on DCAU Clark and how unapproachable(?) they made him in the later JL/JLU series without ever resolving it? Like I know the Cadmus arc hinges on him never considering himself a possible threat but it seems there was room for no much introspection outside a couple moments (that were later backtracked).

I've had like 6 half finished posts about this buried deep in the drafts for a year because I have capital B Brain Rot about this, but every time I tried to write it out I got six sentences in and wanted to rewatch the entire DCAU in order to get my facts straight. This time I'm resisting the urge, so forgive me if I forget specific episodes

Also, unfortunately for you, it’s nanowrimo, which means my brain is in Type All The Words Mode, and not Communicate Effectively and Succinctly Mode, and also I need a break from WSBF chapter 8, so. You’re getting a 3.5k essay sort of answering this question but not really. you will see

Thank you to my fellow lawyer for the defense of Rectangle Clark @januariat for helping to put this together

I do rewatch STAS and JL a fair amount, but much less JLU, so I actually don’t have much to say about the specific execution there. I’m planning on rewatching it soon. But for now…

To me it boils down to two answers. The Doylist answer, and what I think the writers really did have in mind, is that they came up with the Cadmus plot, knew it was an absolute banger of a storyline, and decided that it was worth compromising Superman's personality in order to write a good story. which is not something I can fault them for - as a fanfic writer, I make the same calculated tradeoffs every time I set out to write a fic. Characters are tools for narrative, even if these particular characters come with an additional weight of the tradition of collaborative storytelling that their most effective stories honor.

However, I do think it’s possible to, post-hoc, cobble together a Watsonian, narratively satisfying (if fucked up and sad) character arc for DCAU Clark if you also take STAS and JL into account. I think the key to understanding his character arc is his relationship with control. Throughout STAS, JL, and JLU, and then one more time in Batman Beyond for good measure, over and over again, he's manipulated and his powers and body are used as resources for other people. Obviously that’s not much of an excuse for becoming more authoritarian/overbearing/etc, Fascism Is Bad and I personally think a more IC superman would retreat more than double down (as in Kingdom Come), but looking at the totality of things that have happened to him before Cadmus, it's a little more understandable why he'd get close to snapping under the strain. Here's my personal reading of his arc, and the events that might have led to Clark behaving so irrationally in JLU.

cut for sheer length, but also mentions of manipulation, sexual assault, victim blaming, that sort of thing

One of the recurring themes in the DCAU is villains dehumanizing, depowering, and/or manipulating Clark. In STAS, Parasite, Lex via Bizarro, Talia and Ra’s al Ghul use him as a source for their own power. The Preserver and Maxima treat him like some exotic prize, disregarding his wishes. Jax-Ur and Mala use him and then betray him. But the most impactful, by far, is Darkseid.

In Apokolips Now, Darkseid defeats Clark, puts his bleeding body into public stocks, and drags him through the middle of Metropolis. Clark’s only rescued by the last minute intervention of the New Gods, and as a parting shot Darkseid murders Clark’s friend in front of everyone. Even though Clark prevents Earth from turning into Apokolips, it’s a huge emotional loss, and they don’t shy away from showing his rage and helplessness. But it’s when Darkseid returns in Legacy, the finale of STAS, that Clark’s life truly takes a turn for the worse.

Forgive me if this is all plot recap to you, anon, but I feel like a lot of people don’t know that STAS ends with Clark being mind controlled, heavily implied to be sexually assaulted, and forced to try to take over the Earth, killing god knows how many people in the process. When the military finally brings him down with a Kryptonite warhead and imprisons him, they nearly kill Supergirl in the process. Then Lex almost gives him a lethal injection, with a US general looking on, implying that the government approves of killing him. Lois breaks him out, he tries to get help for Kara from Dr. Hamilton, and then goes to Apokolips. Most fights in STAS have him shrug off blows. He ends this one bleeding from his mouth, looking almost dead. When he finally casts down Darkseid, tells the Hunger Dogs (the slaves on Apokolips) that they’re free… they turn away from Superman. They cluster around Darkseid to protect and heal him.

Those universal truths of a lot of Superman stories, that goodness and liberty and the American Way* always win? They don't in STAS. A representative of the US government (as far as he knows) has tried to kill him. He lost his temper and spoke in a harsh tone of voice once, because Kara was dying and he was hurt and desperate, and now his friend Dr. Hamilton, the man he trusted to repair the Kryptonian ship, study his body and his powers, one of the people who knew him best in STAS, is afraid of him - and, as we find out later, takes immediate, drastic, and violating action against Kara and against him. The series ends with the small town man standing on the roof of the Planet, hearing people hate and fear him, wondering how people will ever trust him again.

*I hate this phrase personally when used as a Superman Motto, but it's used here as a contrast to the fascistic imagery of Apokolips Now and Legacy (as well as Brave New World, which, hoo boy, we aren’t even getting into that one).

Six months (iirc) after the STAS finale, in Secret Origins, the US government has agreed to let a visibly older and wearier Superman help disarm the nuclear stockpile - only for this to backfire on him because it was a Plot by the White Martians. Clark’s let down the country again. He’s helped aliens invade again, and to make matters worse, he sped away in the middle of an attack to break into an official government facility to free J'onn. Clark founds the Justice League beginning from a place of personal failure, as a check on himself. Clark has power and wants to help people with it, but he’s been turned against people he cares about, and has twice now failed to protect the world. It’s worth noting that Legacy put him into the world stage; before, in STAS, I can’t think of any true worldwide threats besides maybe Jax-Ur and Mala.

Most of the rest of season 1 of JL isn’t particularly Clark-focused, although he does appear in a lot of episodes, but the themes of some of these episodes are potentially relevant to understanding his character later, so: brief bullet point summaries.

During In Blackest Night, Clark sees his respected colleague turn himself into an authority that turns out to be incompetent investigators looking for a scapegoat. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here. 

During The Enemy Below, on Clark’s advice, Aquaman tries to solve his problems peacefully with diplomacy and is immediately shot in a life threatening assassination attempt.  Peaceful diplomacy doesn't work so well for him.

During Injustice for All, Lex is dying of cancer. Clark tries to reach out and is rebuffed, with Lex going on to try to found a team to kill him and the rest of the League.

During Paradise Lost, Clark sees his respected colleague turn herself into the authorities and immediately get banished from her home for the crime of trying to save it with all the resources she had at her disposal. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here, again. 

During War World, Clark’s again captured for exploitation. This is essentially a retread of The Main Man from STAS, doubling down on how some people see him as a thing to be exploited.

During Fury, Clark’s completely ineffective at preventing an attempted genocide of half the world’s population.

Season 2 opens with Twilight, one of the most important episodes for understanding Clark’s mindset during the Cadmus arc. Imagine, if you will, the above happening to you. Darkseid shows up at your workplace. And the man you’ve worked with the longest, your friend, your ally, tells you to cry him a river, build him a bridge, and get over it. Tells you to get over being brainwashed, manipulated, and humiliated. Tells you to get over having your broken and bleeding body paraded around the streets of Metropolis, tells you to get over having your friend killed in front of you for trying to defend you, tells you to get over almost getting your cousin killed. Sure, Brainiac is a planetary-scale threat; Darkseid and Apokolips are in real trouble. Clark was wrong to write off Apokolips and its people, and the League should absolutely have intervened in the situation. But the way Bruce went about it was… one of the harshest things DCAU Bruce has ever done, and one of the only times the narrative seems to actually agree that he was an asshole about it. And even then, you really need the context of STAS to understand why Clark is so furious and hurt in this scene.

Clark relents and goes along with Bruce’s plan to trust Darkseid, only to end up betrayed again, the whole ruse just another ploy for Brainiac to gain control of Clark, torture him, and use Clark’s body to upgrade himself. Clark had spared Darkseid back on Apokolips at the end of Legacy, on Kara’s advice. But now Darkseid’s come after him, again. Used him again to put not only Earth but who knows how many other worlds at risk, now that Brainiac’s even more powerful. It’s the downfall of Krypton, over and over again. And when Clark goes to end it, I think he doesn’t care that the base is about to go, as long as Darkseid goes down with it. That isn’t a price Bruce is willing to pay, so he teleports Clark out. And he’s wrong, again. “No one could have survived that.” Well… no, Bruce. Darkseid does, and Clark knows it.

During Tabula Rasa, Lex manipulates Amazo the exact way he tried to use Bizarro. Clark once again fails to guard against a terrible, potentially world-ending threat, and in fact makes the situation worse by his very presence.

Then we come to Only a Dream, another key episode in understanding this version of Superman. Clark’s deepest fear is that his powers will keep on growing beyond his ability to control them, eventually destroying everything around him. In his nightmare He kills Lois and Jimmy, destroys the Daily Planet, and grows into a brutish, hulking, clumsy figure, first crying out for someone to help him, and then losing hope. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He goes back to the Kent farm and curls up in the spaceship in the fetal position, convinced that he’s only going to hurt anyone who tries to help. Is it any wonder, since that’s literally what’s happened to him in Legacy? Is it any wonder that he’d want to give up, to retreat? If we’re to take the World of Cardboard speech literally, he’s already having to focus on this restraint every day, in every interaction. This is my personal explanation/hc as to why in every single fight he lets himself get knocked around a bit first; he’s calibrating how hard he can hit back without doing irrevocable damage. Anyway. Deeply fucked up 2 minutes of horror. Wish they’d explored this a little bit more in later seasons.

Then, directly after this, it’s A Better World. After we’ve just seen that his worst nightmare is hurting people by being unable to control his powers, we come face to face with a world where he’s hurt people by the precise and controlled application of his powers. Justice Lord Clark uses the same Superman Robots we saw Kara use in Legacy. He’s become quite adept at his lobotomization techniques. Later on in JLU, we see ‘our’ universe’s Clark attempt to lobotomize Doomsday the exact same way Justice Lord Superman did. Again, Clark fails to protect the world from himself, and to make matters worse, the guy to save the day is Lex Luthor. I’d be a little miffed if the maniac who wants to kill me so so bad turned out to be instrumental in saving the world and now I owe him some unspecified favor in the future. Clark’s met with failure and distrust trying to fix things his way, now he tries to do things in an uncharacteristically sneaky way and… gets met with more dislike and distrust.

Eclipsed continues this trend of hurting his friends; he’s temporarily mind controlled and hurts Wally.

In The Terror Beyond, he fucks up and puts the world in danger again, all because from his point of view, he tried to prevent Solomon Grundy being manipulated and used (like he himself has been used over and over again).

In Secret Society, his frustration comes to a peak, amplified by Grodd’s telepathic manipulation. He’s been trying to do his best, but he snaps that he’s had better luck fighting armies alone (dubious plural there, but he did pretty much evaporate an army in Legacy, so at least once, ok) and that he’s had to hold back his abilities in order to be on the League. Again if we take the World of Cardboard speech at face value, this is true, and we see it in the episode when he accidentally hurts Shayera with heat vision despite shouting a warning beforehand. It’s also telling how other members of the League have the ability to constantly voice doubts about its usefulness and cohesiveness as an organization (hi Bruce) but when he expresses the same doubts everyone gasps. When he expresses his doubt and frustration, when he steps away, the organization that’s collectively saved the world several times falls apart; they’re reliant on him, and he has to be aware of the entire existence of the League as an extra burden of responsibility.

Since both this episode and the Cadmus arc as a whole are meant to show his flaws as a leader, it’s worth examining the foundations of that leadership as established in the DCAU. Clark’s the leader of the League, but narratively, Bruce is its brains and its ethics and Wally is its heart. As a result, Clark is filling the role of leader of the League without the narrative scaffolding that gives him the respect comics incarnations of the character are generally accorded. (I’m admittedly only drawing here from the JLA runs I’ve personally read, Morrison/Porter 90’s JLA and the early Fox/Sekowsky 60’s JLA). Superman might not technically be the First Superhero according to these continuities, but he is respected as though he is (and as we comic book nerds know him to be). The League in these comics treat him as something of an ethical standard bearer, a primus inter pares, as well as being the muscle. In the DCAU, Batman, having founded the DCAU with BTAS, is the First Superhero, and the entire plotline of the Justice Lords centers Wally as the emotional anchor of the team. Clark doesn’t have that pre-established stature. What really qualifies him to be the leader, besides the fact that Bruce doesn’t want to do it? His position seems precarious, relying more on Superman’s pre-established reputation than his actual onscreen characterization. Centering Bruce and Wally are legitimate creative choices I don’t even necessarily disagree with, but it means Clark-as-leader functions quite differently than more traditional JL structures.

Hereafter is something of a healing point for him. It’s a little fucked up that Superman almost bashes Vandal Savage’s head in with a rock, but you take what you can get at this point. He comes out of it fine, but everyone else is forced to reckon with what he means to them. Hereafter coming directly after Secret Society is a very good reunification for the League. Shame about what’s gonna happen in three episodes.

In Wild Cards, he’s useful to address the immediate threat but ineffective to stop the real, countrywide (worldwide?) threat. (I should note that of course I don’t expect every episode’s threat to be solved by Clark; I’m just pointing out a trend that I think his character would perceive as failures on his part. If the writers ever let him reflect.)

JL ends as it began, with another massive alien invasion that Clark helped facilitate in Starcrossed, by working with the Thanagarians during the first part of their plan. As a fellow exile, a fellow alien, he’s hurt and angry with Shayera’s betrayal… even though, in the end, in probably one of his best moments, he votes to allow her to stay in the League.

(Sidenote: almost every interaction Clark has had with other aliens have been despotic societies or individuals: Jax-Ur and Mala, Apokolips, Maxima’s planet, War World, and now Thanagar. The Guardians built robotic police/foot soldiers to enforce their will. Even New Genesis is ruled by a benevolent dictator. Martian society is nearly extinct, overrun by… more alien despots, surviving only with J'onn. Argoan society is nearly extinct, surviving only with Kara. At least Lobo isn’t a fascist? Small consolation.)

JLU begins after a short time skip. I’m not as familiar with JLU episodes since it’s been a while since I’ve watched them, so I’m not going to attempt an episode-by-episode breakdown. Also this post is already way too long. But the point of this post is to look at Clark’s overall arc until this point, and see how it informs his decisions in JLU. For a more JLU-specific informed point of view check this post by januariat!

What we have is a man who naturally wants to take responsibility on his own shoulders, a doer and a fixer who wants to get into the ring and solve problems, who wants to use his abilities to help, being confronted over and over again with a string of personal failures, manipulation, and betrayal. When he tries to set a boundary about not being willing to help the man who took over his body and forced him against his home in Twilight, he’s told to get over it by his most trusted ally. When his deepest fears are revealed in Only a Dream, we see them having been already realized in Legacy. And when he’s presented with his dream of a peaceful life farming, a family that loves him, and no responsibility to save the world, it’s ripped away from him in For The Man Who Has Everything.

Ultimately, I don’t have a good answer for exactly how he doubles down in JLU S2, because I need to rewatch all of it with this understanding of the character. But I think you can see the shape of a traditional Superman character in there, trying and trying again and again to do the right thing, putting himself on the line - only instead of learning from his experiences and letting them inform his actions, he’s carrying the weight of years of suppressed trauma while trying to hold up the entire Justice League. This long, long run of failure, manipulation, betrayal, and distrust adds up. And there’s only so much weight one person can hold on their shoulders, even if they are a Superman.

(And then as the nice little capstone to his story, in Batman Beyond's The Call, he’s kept under alien mind control for years! With the way Starro clings to his chest, he probably hasn’t been touched in years! Trapped in his own mind, forced to watch as yet another alien species uses him as a tool to hurt his own teammates and invade the Earth! And that’s the last we see of DCAU Clark! What a fun little ending to his character arc that doesn’t make me go insane whenever I think about it. Very very very normal about this.)

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @exalted-dawn  |  AO3: Exalted_Dawn

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

Interview with Exalted Dawn

Ed and Dema talk collaboration, developing a personal style, and a bunch of stuff Dema had to redact but is leaving in to build suspense. 

Dema: I know in the beginning you were debating whether to participate as a writer or an artist, and you went with artist. What was the main driver of that decision?

Ed: It was definitely a combination of a few things. Workload and time allotment being the main influencing factors. My attention span when it comes to writing tends to be a bit all or nothing. I can have periods where I can churn out one thousand words in an hour and then go like two weeks without writing anything at all 😂 And then on top of it, with the new game coming out I was sorta trying to factor in how that would affect my ability to stick to a schedule. Drawing is a lot easier for me to sort of one and done over a weekend so I figured it might be better to start there for my first Bang.

Dema: Oh this is your first Big Bang! I don't think I knew that 😂

Ed: YUP LOL

Dema: When you do a collaboration like this, that isn't a commission but is based on another person's work, how do you navigate that process?

Ed: Well, from a starting standpoint, I really like to have a lot of communication with the person I am partnered with. I love collaboration work and really strive to capture the energy of whatever source material I'm working from. So getting the author’s opinions on their own story beats is a huge help. But aside from that, the element of choice in this sort of project definitely played a part. I got to choose a prompt that fascinated me, and then from there, I read through the material the author currently had and chose a few scenes that really struck me with a strong mental image. Something that when I read it, I immediately thought "Oh that would be neat to see in a picture!" From there, it’s back to touching base with the author and making sure that what ideas I have sorta line up with their vision. I want to make sure its respectful of the work its being based on, while still sorta playing to my own interests as an artist and a fan :3

Dema: You're a very prolific artist, how do you keep all these ideas organized? Do they behave themselves up there in your brain?

Ed: HAH! I would like to say that there's some sort of rhyme and reason to my creative process, but if I were being honest, they mostly tumble about in my brain. When I get stuck on an idea, I tend to fixate on it and continue to develop it in my head the more I think on it. With this prompt specifically, I was immediately hit with this idea of a vibe I wanted to get across in my art from the moment I read it. And then that continued to build and build, until I was left with these pretty complete ideas,  accompanied by atmosphere and layout, that I became stuck on. After that, I just laid them out on paper. (The bounty of inspiration certainly didn't help to make the decision easy XD)

Dema: Are you drawing inspiration from anywhere besides the source material for this piece?

Ed: I AM! There were several pieces my mind immediately went to when I was reading through the source material. Lord of the Rings (specifically the cinematic scenery of the Mines of Moria) and The Song Of The Sea were both big ones that I drew immediate parallels to. The huge scale and vast landscapes as well as the beautiful pattern work and 2D story book style typical of Cartoon Saloon’s work were both things I immediately latched onto for this. But more abstractly, having just read [REDACTED], I was already in the mindset of [REDACTED] when I got assigned to this prompt. Since this one is also leaning into the [REDACTED] genre, it sorta pushed me towards these concepts of strong lighting contrast— stark shadows played against bright light. Bold silhouettes.  I was even considering playing with a black and white inked style with colored accents and a heavy focus on crosshatching to get that sort of [REDACTED] look at one point.

Dema: Mmmmmmm how much of that am I gunna have to redact 😂[narrator voice: it was a lot]

Ed: You can totally just delete the second half if that helps XD

Dema: I don't want to DELETE it I'm just gunna redact it haha. IT'S FINE. Also I love that. Sin City vibes.

Ed: YEAH!

Dema: How did you develop your personal style?

Ed: Many years of frustrated grunting at my own artwork kjdhfhjsgvfd LOL no but actually, what I consider to be most typical of 'my style' (and for this question, I'm going with the main illustrative style I typically use for projects like this, since I definitely have multiple) came about pretty much by accident for the most part. I basically stumbled upon it. I had spent many MANY years developing my skills from, like, middle school up through college, first with pencil and paper and then with a very large desk mounted display tablet, and was sort of trying to get to a point where I was satisfied with the look of my own work. It was a slow process, and I hadn't really been satisfied with my progress and where I was. In an attempt to sort of switch back to the more familiar feeling of pencil and paper, I had gotten an ipad to draw on since it was of a more similar size. I had been playing around with it, and was struggling with the pressure settings on my pen for making line art specifically, so I sorta just threw my hands up in the air and said "Y'know what?! I'm gonna try lineless cause why not!" I made this small, lineless doodle of my Dungeons & Dragons character at the time, and suddenly it all just sorta clicked into place! I've been basically drawing like that ever since, but with the aforementioned handful of stylistic exceptions XD

Dema: What do you feel like you are striving for in your body of work? Or I guess, is there a theme or a feeling or a "spirit" in your work you're hoping to convey?

Ed: HMMMMMMMMMMM THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION! I wouldn't really say I'm striving for any single theme all throughout my work (part of the reason why I have multiple distinct styles is so that I can really draw out the desired vibes I'm aiming for in each individual piece). But from a general sense, I think I tend to focus a lot on capturing emotion and atmosphere, especially in the lighting and color I use. As for the spirit I often capture— I don't think it's super intentional on my part, but for my lineless artwork specifically, I definitely get that there is this sort of adventurous, almost whimsical spirit to a lot of what I draw. Rather than dark dramatic pieces, with lots of sharp lines and dynamic movement, there's this sort of softness and quietness to a lot of my work, like capturing a peaceful moment between all the big dramatic stuff. Even for the tonally and visually 'dark' pieces. Which— honestly— I think speaks a lot more to my own personality and preferences than I maybe intend 🤣

Dema: I love that a lot. Thank you for such thoughtful answers, and for taking the time to be interviewed today! I can't wait to see the final piece.

[moirindeclermont]

Welcome, welcome Bridgerton folks!

It's time for the second episode of "The Captain and The Spy", aka Captain Colin Bridgerton, Pirate and an agent of the Queen herself, forced to marry the recently discovered Lady Whistledown - who must act as a spy for the Queen to have her crimes forgiven.

Yesterday it was Pen's POV, this night we have Colin. Enjoy!

---

He writes in his notes that he doesn't like this.

He doesn't like to have his loyalty questioned (although it is in question), and he doesn't want to be cuddled as a child. Indeed, he doesn't like marrying someone to soothe her Majesty. Even if his valets who saw her before told him, he would be pleased with her majesty's choice. He knows enough.

She is the infamous Lady Whistledown, and while he adores women with wit and brain, the plot her majesty is playing could not be more visible if she tried. Bringing onboard a famous gossip writer... he could not think that Penelope - her name, and he liked the irony of a Pirate and consummate Captain being married to someone named after Ulysses' wife - was the true spy on board. She was a diversion. Which meant there was someone on board he could not trust. That he genuinely hates.

He is waiting for her in what is going to become her apartment. He gave her the biggest suite on the ship, the only woman on board. She would have space enough to do as she pleases, even if he already schooled his crew to behave in her presence (he is not truly worried about his men; he rules his ship with a few simple rules that everyone must follow... on death penalty - and not harassing women is in between those rules).

Yet, the moment she is there and turns around, that's the moment he knows he is screwed. Damn, her Majesty. Penelope is a vision. She has red hair, two blue eyes he can't wait to see shut down in pleasure and the most gorgeous face he has ever seen. Her body is to sin for (and he knows a thing or two about sins), and if he could have plucked a fantasy out of his mind, it would have been something like this—someone fiery and passionate - with a back of steel and a wit to match.

"Wife," he says, can't wait to call her again in better circumstances. I know why the Queen has sent you here. I don't care what you're going to report. Just don't bother my men too much."

She blushes, and he is a goner. This woman will destroy his self-control - something he prides himself on. Did he already damned her Majesty?

Penelope is adorable as she admits the role the Queen gave her, and he can't resist giving her a barb, "I didn't know, but thank you for confirming it." And then, because he is a bastard who can't help himself, he gets closer to her and delivers a line about marital duties. When (a bit of overconfidence on his part, but he knows how handsome he is) she will come to bed with him, it will be of her volition.

He knows she is thinking about it, even now.

Then, he surprises himself.

He kisses her on the top of her head with tenderness. He was going for the mouth, but seeing her give his old, beaten heart a pause. So, he went for tenderness instead of passion and lust. He might be even more in trouble than he thought. He can't possibly fall in love with her... and yet he already knows he might not have much of a choice in this matter.

TBC

[rinamars]

I always wondered what fics do my favorite authors read bc maybe if I start reading them too, I'll be able to write like them 😤 Kidding aside, can you recommend some Erwin x Reader fics that you really like/inspire you to write? I'm fine with on-going ones 🤩

little anon i could KISS you!! i've been looking for an excuse to make an erwin fic recs post so here we go *cracks knuckles* brace yourselves heheh (warning: most of these recs are 18+)

first of all: everything @riewritten has ever written. EVERYTHING. that goes without saying. her brain is so big. i wish i could take a trip inside her mind. rie ily

this is a story of the sea by shinzouing is a canonverse eruri x reader fic, where the three enter a relationship (or rather, erwin enters a relationship with both of them. levi and reader are idiots at first. the pining is so delicious though). where do i even begin to talk about this masterpiece? it broke me. it seriously broke me. i'm just going to say that the universe she has created in this story (as well as in the sequel which i'm going to talk about in a sec) feels so real and so right that when i finished it i needed a minute to remind myself what details that are ACTUALLY canon and what aren't. peak writing i swear. heartbreaking, but worth it.

after tiasots has broken your heart, go read beyond the sea by the same author and let it piece it back together!! it's currently being posted, and it's basically the continuation of tiasots BUT erwin survives at shiganshina (unlike in tiasots). again, same thing: peak writing, and a little universe it's sooo easy to get lost in. this story will end up living rent free in your mind, trust me.

aaand also set in the tiasots universe is certain obscure things!! it's three chapters, and in each of them they take turns between being dominant or submissive. this is smut that goes a lot harder than what you can find in tiasots but everything shinzouing writes is pure gold

to complete the eruri x reader category (aka the fics that made me go "i think i might be into the concept of throuples") there's two lovers by feelingthorny. it's also set in canonverse. erwin and levi are in an established relationship, one day they invite reader into their bed, and... Big Feelings ensue. i have another fic by feelingthorny by recommend, and oh man, she truly has a way of writing emotions that is so evocative and poetic, it truly drags you into the moment and you are able to feel exactly what they are feeling, they're so immersive. the smut parts literally drip with body worship, it's insane. beautiful.

the other fic by feelingthorny i HAVE to mention is close call. this one is pwp, but FUCK this erwin is SO DREAMY. and, as one might tell, the writing is just marvelous.

next, i recommend every! single! fic! that belongs to the to build a home series by nylondreams. the romance, the intimacy, the tenderness... ahh, they're so lovely to read. and *cough* the first fic in the series gave me a breeding kink *cough*

more recommendations in the "horny fics that also made me fall in love even more" category: e major, uncorked and treasured memories, all by whatsherquirk. delicious. that's all i'm going to say.

prying eyes by SecretsOfHarprocrates is in my opinion a depiction of erwin that's very close to how he'd behave in canon (if canon included sexy times)

four christmases by ghost_party was !!! ok i don't really know what to say about this one because it's been a while since i read it, but you have to trust me and check it out!!

i think that's all for now, i hope i haven't forgotten anything (if i have i'll just reblog this post and add more). happy reading <3

now PLEASE give me an excuse to make an eruri fic recs post (or even a levi one)

[pale-opal]

Heya! How long have you been writing for? And also, what inspired you to do so? Also any tips for new writers?

Hello! I would say that I have been writing since... well, since always, really. But I only started getting serious about it in middle school. I was inspired by a lot of the books that I read, and as I got older and started becoming aware of the processes authors used to write their stories, and I noticed that some of them didn't really use outlines: they just started with whatever idea they came up with in their head. And at some point I must've thought to myself: "Hey, I come up with stories in my head all the time! I could totally write a book!" (I did try doing that at one point - I never finished it. But I'm kind of glad I didn't. The story I wrote was a hot mess.) I do have a few tips for new writers: 1. If you have an idea, write it down - Ideas are all well and good, but that's all they are: ideas. They can't do anything until they get out of your brain.

2. Take breaks frequently - Ironically enough, taking breaks is just as important as writing whenever you can. Breaks are key for preventing burnout (which is the death of manuscripts and fanfictions everywhere), and for keeping up with your health and preventing conditions like carpal tunnel. Not only that, but if you're having difficulty with something you've been working on for a while, stepping away from it and coming back after a few hours can give you "fresh eyes", and let you examine your work with a new perspective (this works for just about any creative pursuit, really. I've personally found it helpful when doing art (walking away for an hour or two has saved so many drawings from being scrapped)).

3. Use prompts to practice - If you want to write, but don't know what to write about, prompts are a good way to get started or to warm up! I've found that writing-based bingo boards are a good way to find a lot of interesting prompts in one go.

4. Read as much as you can - Reading can be really helpful in learning about new subject matter and expanding your vocabulary. Not only that, but what you read influences your creative voice. If you like the way a certain writer writes their characters, settings, prose, etc. and you want your work to be more like theirs, try reading more of their work if you can. There's nothing wrong with wanting your work to reflect what inspires you.

5. Experiment with other genres - What genre a story is in can have a large impact on how characters behave and what the setting looks like. For example, a person is going to act a lot differently in a zombie apocalypse than they would in a coffee shop AU. If you want to get a good grip on how a character acts and what their personality is like, try throwing them into a different genre.

6. Write from experience and personal knowledge - The saying "Write what you know" can apply to both one's life experiences and what they are aware of from an academic standpoint, and doing so can help make what you write seem more believable. For instance, if I knew a lot about plants, that information might come in handy for doing something like coming up with a plant-based metaphor, or if I wanted to write a character that was a botanist. On the other hand, if I knew what it was like to be left at the altar, I might use that to write that same event as part of a character's backstory. However, if there is something that you've experienced that was hard to process, think carefully before writing about it. It's like method acting: it can be really effective and even therapeutic, but it can also cause you harm if you're not careful. 7. Don't be afraid to look up synonyms - If you find yourself using the same word over and over, see if that word has any applicable synonyms. Google is honestly so very useful in this regard. It's been of so much assistance to me that it's gotten to the point where I am starting to wonder if the Oxford English Dictionary (which is where Google pulls definitions from) has ever saved a life. But try to keep connotations in mind. "Small", "little", and "itty-bitty" all mean the same thing, but they read differently, and that difference can become highly apparent in different contexts. For example, "Joel was little" has its own vibe in comparison to "Joel was itty-bitty."

8. Show your writing to others - This is something that I struggled with for a while, and still have issues with sometimes. However, something that I have found to be helpful is showing my work to someone who I'm close with. What might be considered a harsh criticism from someone else feels a lot less intimidating when it's coming from someone who you've known for a while. Not only that, but there is a good chance that they'll catch a mistake you made that you didn't notice while working on it, or even if you check over your work yourself (that's just the sad truth of looking at something for a long time, even if you take breaks - things start to blend together). That's about it. I didn't think that my answers to your questions would make for such a long post, but I hope that you found this helpful!

[garfeildfanpage]

Ok so on the topic of headcanons, I know I haven’t mentioned it yet but Terukane has been a gruesome infection in my brain for over 3 years now, and it’s about time I let the brain worms breathe

Terukane infested their way into my brain mostly because they both just so happen to be my favorite type of character design and character archetype (middle part and glasses / absolute wet cat of a man) so them also having a dynamic that makes me both very ill and also jump for joy is (to me) a combo made in heaven.

But I’m picky, especially picky with characterization in fan fiction. And I’m glad that most fics of them are written by people who understand how they behave in-series. Though my biggest fault may be that I love to write but hate the act of writing, so every idea I have is forever locked away in my noggin, I can attempt to get out something here.

Quick note I’m not a weirdo so don’t think I mean anything in any weird way at all, if you do I’ll eat your family. Okay? Okay.

Smitten Teru is probably my favorite out of any characterization of the two, just because I love how it can either be mindrottingly sweet or just ,sad, personally I love going the “kicking feet and giggling” route but both are great in their own regard.

It also might just be that I can’t really see Akane behaving the way he does for Aoi to Teru, a lot of people just kind of move Akane’s unhealthy attachment issues to him without understanding why Akane behaves like that around Aoi in the first place. (I have a whole thing about that) So it’s refreshing to have him, like, not do that.

To add onto that: aloof/repress feelings as hard as possible Akane totally rocks, and I love seeing it. Especially with the “why in the FUCK would I have LIKE someone like that??” kinda shit, rocks me, love it, can’t get enough. God it’s like the only time where cheesy relationship junk doesn’t give me second hand embarrassment, cause like they’re both so unbelievably stupid at relationships, and watching them be awkward and terrible at it really alleviates the whole existential life-or-death stuff happening in the actual manga. Losers in love kills me, and they are just that. GOD I WANT TO THROW THEM OFF A RAVINE

Also, I know a lot of fan fiction does this, but it’s never to the degree that I wish it was. Flustered/embarrassed teru kills me. It always kills me in anything when he just acts like a normal person, just like, expressing normal people emotions but because he’s so repressed it just like kills him. GOD I went through like a six month period of not crying and the moment I did again it felt like I got hit by a bus, could not IMAGINE barely ever crying my whole damn life. A good hard cry, that’s what he needs.

Anyway, I think that’s enough, if I let the brain worms out anymore they’ll form a union and force me to pay them more. Ninja out

[gabessquishytum]

chaosheadspace's addition....fucking supreme. I am going feral. Furthermore, my brain has once again been taken over by this au.

For some reason I am convinced Alex just "has to go" (cough cough) on some important business trip with Paul towards the end of Dream's pregnancies. The first time everyone could write it off as unlucky timing buy the third time it happens everyone knows it's deliberate.

Alex and Dream might behave at social events but to everyone who works at the manor it is obvious the two don't exactly like spending more time together than strictly necessary for keeping up appearances.

Everyone can agree it's a dick move for Alex to not be there for the birth of "his" children (the staff are 99% sure that Dream/Hob and Alex/Paul is what is happening here) but both Dream and Alex ignore it. The idea of Alex having to care for Dream close to & during labor makes both of them break out in hives, no thank you. Hob can take care of that.

Maybe Alex promotes Hob to Dream's personal assistant or something to keep up appearances. He is being such a good husband by making sure Dream has someone there for him when he himself is unfortunately indisposed (Lucienne is Dream's p.a. in a business sense here).

While Alex is off to France or something (where he is definitely not having an insane amount of sex with Paul while they wait for news of the baby's arrival), Hob and Dream get to be together.

Dream might not have had someone there to comfort him through the morning sickness but at least he gets to have someone there to dote on him and massage his aching back for those final weeks when Hob's pup is big and heavy.

When Dream goes into labor, Hob is there to take care of him and the kids, juggling holding Dream's hand and playing with the kids and reading them stories before bed. Afterwards, when Dream is tired and sore, Hob will be there to take care of him and the newborn, as well as to keep the older children occupied so their dad and little sibling can rest.

[ for someone who loves angst I sure am a sucker for the comfort part of it ]

- 🍃

Ahshdhfjgm yes perfect! Another lovely anon had a similar idea of Hob becoming the go-to guy when Dream is labour because the Burgesses aren't there/dont care, and I think its wonderful!

It's fantastic news for Hob because he gets quality time with Dream in those precious final weeks before the new arrival, and he actually gets to be one of the first to hold the baby! It almost makes up for all the time they have to spend apart. He absolutely dotes on Dream, and soaks up all the time he can get snuggled up with the older children plus the newest little one. Side by side or in his lap it's impossible not to notice that they're his kids, every single one of them. And honestly he'd love them just the same if they weren't his, because they came from Dream. The most beautiful, precious person he's ever met. How could Hob fail to love him and his babies?

[baratiddyappreciator]

Hey again 😭, can you write about the Baki men and their reaction to their s/o squirting?

Oh I can do that lmao, that is a no problemo situation! Added in a bonus Motobe because I see you. Sorry it took me so long, I'm going longer-form with this one. SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG I'm on vacation and the internet at my villa isn't the best. Clearly NSFW, Minors fuck off kthx. Continued under the cut, very tempted to do short-stories with these ones, but I'm restraining myself and behaving.

Baki:

Confused, surprised, and for about a second he thinks he made you pee yourself and he feels really bad about it. He's deadass about to appologise profusely until he notices the incredibly satisfied look on your face, then it clicks.

He doesn't do it on purpose, he didn't really know how to, if he's being honest, and after the first time he does it, he has no idea how to replicate it, but he will absolutely try to given your permission. He swears he'll clean up the mess.

He won't do it all the time, of course, but he'll definitely save it for when you have a rough day and need some care, because he knows that that's a powerful ass orgasm and you might appreciate it.

Both genders can apparently squirt, so regardless of what parts you may have, you can also get Baki to squirt. It's a mess and he winds up having to just Take a Minute after, but it's worth it.

Hanayama:

He's proud of himself. Surprised? No not really, he's got a lot to work with, so he'd be more surprised if he doesn't. He's still proud of himself though.

Does he know what he did to make you squirt? Nope. Will he try and replicate it? Not really, he doesn't really have to, because he'll do it again at some point in time. It takes you squirting like 4 or 5 times for him to realise what it is he's doing that makes you squirt.

Once he figures out how to make you squirt, unless you tell him not to, he'll make you squirt every time you guys have sex. He enjoys knowing that he's making you cum really good.

You can try and make him squirt, but it doesn't really happen. You might get it to happen maybe once or twice, but it's not a super common thing for him, and he doesn't appreciate making a mess.

Chiharu:

Ecstatic. He watches it happen with wide eyes and a smile brighter than the sun. He'll fuck you through it just to see if he can make you cum harder. He wants to make your legs shake and your eyes roll back.

Oh he knows exactly what he did and how he did it. He'll do the exact same thing again only seconds later to test that theory, and it'll probably wind up making you cum again. Use the authority you have over him, because unless you tell him not to, he'll make you squirt your brains out.

Given the chance and the permission he'll wear you out. He'll spend the entire time pleasuring you, either by oral or by using his fingers or cock. At that point, he's getting off on the idea that he's making you cum.

When you actually sit down and give basic effort, he is shockingly easy to make squirt. He trusts you completely when it comes to the bedroom, so if you ask him to do something, he'll do it. Getting to cum is just a bonus.

Katsumi:

You come down from your orgasm and look at Katsumi only to see his eyes are the size of dinner plates. He had no idea that you could do that, and he had no idea that he'd done the right thing to get you to do that. Shocked and amazed.

He knows how he did it, the moment is playing in his head over and over. He'll try it again with your permission, or sometimes while you two are fucking he'll just start doing something he knows will make you squirt.

Having a bad day? Let him run you a bath, but could you come here and point out the bubble bath you want to use. Oh, looks like he's fucking you on the edge of the tub, getting you to squirt all over the floor. Whoops!

He's harder to get to squirt, if only because he's not as sensitive, but it's possible. Get him worked up, get him tied down, and go to town on him.

Jack:

He's not going to stop fucking you while you squirt. As a matter of fact, it's one of the few moments where he's openly dominant and domineering. He'll grab you by the throat and talk filthy to you while he makes you cum.

He knows the exact thing that had you squirting, and he can replicate it perfectly. He knows all sorts of little things that make you cum, and he will use them.

He knows when making you squirt is appropriate, but that being said, sometimes he just needs the confidence boost of making you cum that hard, so he'll do it and ask for forgiveness after. Don't worry about the mess, he'll clean it up.

SHOCKINGLY easy to make squirt in practice, but getting him to actually do anything to make him squirt takes a lot of convincing. With him, saying that you want to try something new is fine enough, he'll let you do so, but saying that you want to make him squirt makes him avoid you a little bit.

Kosho:

Stunned silence. He's stopped doing anything, his mouth is open and will not close, he's staring at you, stunned. He's not overly pleased by having to clean up the mess, but he very much likes seeing you cum like that.

He doesn't know what he did, and he's kinda scared to try again in case he does something wrong or actually succeeds and gets a mess all over.

Sometimes though, he's going to go feral whenever he notices that you're having a bad day. The whole concept of "oh no a mess" goes out the window, and he's going to make you nut so hard you'll pass out. Squirt or no, he'll show you a good time.

He's borderline impossible to make squirt. He just isn't really capable of doing so, you'd have to work on him for literal hours, which, while fun, is incredibly overstimulating, or you'd have to get really lucky.

Kureha:

He's not surprised. It's like everyday business for him, though he'll lean into the dirty talk. Not to the same degree as Jack, but it's still some good dirty talk. He's a little surprised if you squirt out of nowhere for the first time without previously doing so, but still, not overly shocked.

He knows everything that happened perfectly. He knows the anatomy, he knows what to do to make it happen. He knows. It takes minimal effort from him.

Sometimes he likes to make you feel small and stupid, because he'll walk up, pin you on a table and then boom, you've made a mess, but other times he'll drag you to the shower, pin you against the wall and look you dead in the eyes as he makes you cum, just so he can look at you while you do it.

He can squirt, doesn't do it very often or in very large amounts, but he is able to. If you're struggling, he outright tells you what to do to make him squirt. He's a bitch, but he's not evil.

Retsu:

Shocked and apologetic. He actually does think he made you piss yourself and he is very sorry. He doesn't listen for the first little bit because he's busy apologizing and cleaning up, all while still hard and cleaning up.

He has no idea what he did or how he did it, but you apparently really liked it so if you want he'll try. The second time he makes you squirt is very awkward for him, but he gets it done. But the third time, it's like he's on a mission. It's a complete 180 in personality and it's great.

He doesn't mind cleaning, he usually cleans up after you two have sex anyways. He wants his precious to sleep in clean sheets and pajamas, and you can't really do that if there's cum everywhere.

Honestly, not hard at all. Get him turned on enough and then give him a handjob and you start to notice that that's not just precum he's leaking. Get him to properly squirt and he'll lose the ability to think for a solid three hours.

Doppo:

Smug bastard will lock eyes with you, your squirt all over his chest and face and he'll just smirk. He's proud of himself, and he'll make subtle little remarks that call back to it out in public just to watch you blush and squirm.

He knows what he did, how he did it and when it's appropriate to make you squirt again. He'll make you forget how to exist for a minute the next time he makes you squirt, and he'll tease you about it, but that's what he was going for.

He'll do it whenever. Some coworker got on your nerves? He'll bend you over the kitchen counter and get to work. Did he get dragged out to speak with Yujiro and the ogre pissed him off? He'll take you where you stand.

He's harder to get to squirt. He'll do everything he can to get around it, he'll even try flipping it on you, but even then, he's much less sensitive than the others, and will take a bit of work to get gushing.

Shibukawa:

Proud, smug, and he will tease you about it, about how hard you were cumming because of him, your expression, even the sound you made. However, it's a fond teasing, and he'll make it clear that it's only playful teasing.

He has no clue how he did it, despite what he might say. You ask him to do that again and he just chuckles and teases you, but it's so he can wrack his brain trying to remember exactly what he was doing to you before you came. He'll figure it out eventually though, he's clever.

He likes to make you squirt at the most inconvenient times. Are guests coming over in ten minutes? He's made you squirt all over the floor and now you have to clean that up and completely hide the evidence with only three minutes left.

He's almost as easy to make squirt as Jack is. You play around with him for a little and boom, there it goes. He's got nothing to say other than more playful teasing, but it's fine, just make him cum again and he'll shut up.

Motobe:

Smug, teasing and cocky. He's get your cum all over his chest and stomach, and all you'll see when you come back down from cumming is him smirking at you smugly. Brace yourself, is all I have to say.

He'll make you do it again and again until either he is satisfied or until you beg him to give you a break, and even then, he'll still keep shallowly fucking you with only his tip, it'll drive you insane.

You squirt whenever he wants. Sometimes he doesn't want to clean, and other times he's in a Fuck It mood and will make you cum all over his sheets. He'll wash them anyways, but still, just the thought of your cum staining them drives him insane.

It takes a bit of work to get him to squirt, but it is possible. He's like a hard medium difficulty. It's difficult, but not impossible, and he'll absolutely play it down. He'll be clawing at the sheets, cumming, rolling his eyes back and making noises, but the second he comes down he's like "Well that didn't suck. Was that all?"

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Sylphanie/Sylph

The awesome @sammys-magical-au is almost always my go-to for brainstorming, whether it's for characters, plots, descriptions, etc. And it seems they were kind enough to remember one of the much more obscure fanegos I've been quietly working on for a while now. Kind enough to even mention her in one of their latest fics!

And that basically kicked certain parts of my brain into gear, so...here we go! I've currently got yet another WIP cooking up, so I figured I should do some clarifying before it's ready for posting.

Much like Caliban and R.D., this uncanny lady is a partner to LeviathanPat! Or...partner-adjacent? As you'll soon see, things are rather complicated. (Go figure, I'm the writer behind aforementioned things, lol)

Although she isn't bound by standard entry rules like L.P. is, she still has her fair share of limitations. The biggest one being that she can only stay on certain planes of existence (such as Earth, for example) for short amounts of time, whereas L.P. can come and go as he pleases.

She may not be as morbid or aggressive as L.P., but it would be a grave mistake to see that as weakness. In fact, she's actually one of very few entities who have a little more power than he does. As for what exactly her power includes...well, you'll just have to wait and see~

She's one of very few entities who can call L.P. by his true name (only half of which is pronounceable by the human tongue, hence why Sol just calls him "Pat").

To say that Sylph and L.P. go way, waaaaay back would be an understatement. (Yes, that was technically a pun. No, I'm not sorry.) The feelings on either side are mutual, though certain views and methods are...not. Admittedly, Sylph sees humans in a way similar to how humans see insects. Little creatures that are sometimes interesting and mildy-entertaining...but not much else. Still, that doesn't mean she condones putting them through twisted experiments just to see what happens to them, L.P.

Now, I wouldn't be me if I didn't pile on the angst, so...While the two of them are on a very similar creature-caliber, Sylph and L.P.'s natures are just so antithetical to each other that they can only afford to be in each other's presence for a limited amount of time. Granted, they can gradually adjust to get closer and make physical contact, but even that is a slow-moving process. In fact, a huge part of their relationship revolved around the two of them searching for a way to overcome this. Unfortunately, surreal shenanigans ended up happening, which ultimately led to...The Incident. Ever since then, they haven't really had a chance to see each other...which just might change in the future. Hint-hint. (Please just be patient with me. Writing is hard, okay?)

Where L.P.'s form relates to darkness, Sylph's form relates to light. That is all...No, actually, I lied. That is NOT all. I'm talking bioluminescence plus-plus. I'm talking so bright it's legitimately kinda painful for mortal eyes to try looking at.

Then again, that light is mainly produced by her internal organs. Some of it sort of functions as her hair, and some of it does leak out into the world through her eyes. And by "eyes" I mean, "a scattering of holes in her skin that can stretch to be wider/longer or even move along as she pleases." (much like L.P., she often has way too many of them).

In fact...for the readers who have watched Jordan Peele's NOPE (and for everyone who hasn't...WHY?! IT'S SUCH AN AMAZING MOVIE! GET OUTTA HERE AND GO WATCH IT NOW!): remember the forms Jean Jacket took in the ending scenes? Well, I'm not saying that Sylph looks exactly like that, because I don't want to plagiarize...but that doesn't mean I can't take inspiration from it.

So, just imagine Sylph's outer skin behaving in sort of a similar way to Jean Jacket's. It can resemble all manner of things from jellyfish to orchid flowers to sheets of billowing cloth. Layers of it basically orbit around all the light she produces, all working together to form a vaguely human-esque shape. Not only that, but her skin also has a sort of opalescent effect to it. It can reflect hints of a variety of colors beyond the bright, pale glow of her internal system.

I usually apologize for rambling...but not today, because it took so much time and patience and experimenting to come up with a description that would be pretty and unsettling at the same time. Thanks again for all your help, Sammy 💞)

Because of that orbiting effect I mentioned, Sylph is also capable of shapeshifting much like L.P. is. The main difference is the fact that Sylph's form technically has visible structure, whereas L.P. is basically a moving, talking void no matter what shape he takes.

@insane4fandoms @inkbedou @the-matpat-ever @b-is-in-the-closet