#might make an appreciation post for natsume being left handed

[ladyloveandjustice]

Running the Gauntlet: A Natsume Yuujinchou fanfic (Part 1)

Part 1 of my fanfic based on the idea I had in this post about Natsume's running abilities making his life at school difficult that blew up.

Includes a couple silly footnotes!

Running the Gauntlet

“I wish Natsume wasn’t our anchor,” a classmate complained.

Natsume flinched. It’s not like I wanted to be, he thought glumly. He pretended he hadn’t heard, hunching over and tying this shoe. So many students and teachers milling around on the grass, waiting for the big event, whoever it was probably hadn’t noticed he was nearby.

But then, Nishimura’s response made him feel even worse.

“Man, shut up. You haven’t really seen Natsume run. He’s friggin’ fast. We’re lucky to have him.”

Natsume appreciated Nishimura standing up for him, but inwardly he was screaming at him to please stop talking about this.

Then Kitamoto chimed in, “Yeah, one of the first times we saw him outside of school, he basically dashed out of the woods at warp speed. So don’t be rude.”

He saw Kitamoto glance quickly at him, clearly aware might be in earshot.

“Fast? Come on you two, I know he’s your friend, but the guy is sickly. You’re expecting me to believe someone who collapses every other day is a good runner? I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, I’m just not counting on him to win this”. The classmate, who rarely spoke to Natsume, adjusted his glasses.

“You’ll see,” Nishimura said smugly.

Natsume groaned inwardly, straightening up.

He eyed the various students hanging out in different colored headbands, the boy handing out water bottles from the tent, and some teachers talking off to the side.  There was even a chattering crowd on the small set of bleachers. A crowd that included parents.

But worst of all was the looping black track, sizzling in the sun before him. He, Nishimura, and the rest who’d been chosen for the relay race would be lining up on it soon.

He hated Sports Day.

To be fair, this was his least hated sports day so far. He’d never actually experienced sports day while having friends before. When he was a kid, he could expect being pushed to the ground and mocked, or having classmates complaining loudly to teachers about being paired up with the liar. Best case scenario was he’d merely have to feel lonely as he was left out of class celebrations, watching parents and friends cheer others on when there was no one to cheer for him.

But this year he’d been able to cheer wildly for Taki during the bean bag toss, laugh at Tanuma as he was forced to dance awkwardly with the rest of his class during their group performance, and smile as Tanuma got some sweet revenge by beating him at the scavenger hunt. He’d gotten to high five Kitamoto and Nishimura after every victory, and even Sasada once.

So many parents being here was still a little intimidating, though. He kept expecting one of them to yell at him to get away from their kid, even though he knew it wasn’t like that anymore. The Fujiwaras hadn’t been able to come, as they had a relative’s wedding to attend today. Natsume hadn’t even told them today was sports day, because he didn’t want them to feel bad about it. He was also kind of relieved they couldn’t come, because he would have been even more nervous if they were watching.

Overall, it had been a good day. He was basically enjoying himself.

But there was no getting over the dread of his biggest obstacle yet—the relay race. He was really going to have to pay attention to his running. It was such a tough balance…he didn’t want to let down the class, but he also needed to think of…

“Natsume, are you okay?” He blinked, noticing Sasada was suddenly next to him. “You were spacing out a bit.”

“I’m fine! Actually, are you okay?” She looked pale, and she kept fiddling with her glasses. It was strange to see her without the usual air of confidence.

“I’m nervous,” she admitted. She’d been chosen for the relay race too, and was looking at the track with almost as much trepidation as he was.

“Sasada! Natsume!”  Nishimura ran forward before Natsume could reassure her. “It’s all up to us!”

“Yay,” Sasada said blandly.

“Whar’a wrong, Sasada?” Nishimura grinned smugly at her “Worried you’re gonna be the sports day cliché?”

“The…what?”

“You’ve seen it on TV, right? In anime and stuff? There’s always the one person who trips during the relay race. They scramble to their feet, tears in their eyes, and pass off their baton…” Nishimura imitated the gesture dramatically. “But don’t worry! You can trip all you want, I’m so fast it won’t matter! No need to be nervous!”

Sasada shook her head, putting her glasses back on. “You know what, your stupidity has calmed my nerves a bit, thank you,”

“Glad to be of service.”

---

Considering all that, Natsume wasn’t exactly surprised when Nishimura was the one who tripped.

Natsume winced when his friend went down, hoping he wasn’t hurt. It would be okay, right? Nishimura was so good-humored. This wasn’t a big deal or anything. He’d just laugh it off and…

Nishimura stumbled up, his knee bleeding, his face burning with shame. Natsume could see his eyes were brimming with tears. Of course he was devastated. Nishimura may act carefree, but he hated letting people down.

Natsume sighed.

Fine then.

“Nishimura!” He called out, offering his hand. “Don’t give up! I’ve got this!”

Nishimura’s face lit up instantly. He jogged as fast as he could and slammed the baton in Natsume’s hand. Natsume faced forward. The others had a massive head start, but that wasn’t enough to make him give up.

A yokai is chasing me, he told himself. A big one with sharp teeth.

And next thing he knew, he was crossing the finish line.

Cheers exploded around him as the other runners caught up, lagging after him. And then, suddenly, what seemed to be the entire class was rushing towards him. He had to resist the urge to put his hands up defensively.

Nishimura slammed into him from the side, embracing him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was whooping and laughing. Heat spread up Natsume’s neck and face. It was the first time Nishimura had ever hugged him. Or cried so openly in front of him. He knew it was considered fine for guys to cry and hug only when it involved sports for some reason, but it was still a surprise.  He wasn’t used to that kind of intimacy. Not that it was bad. It was kind of nice.

 The rest of his class gathered around him, yelling things like “way to go” and “that was amazing!” Even Sasada, her face still red and sweaty from her run, was screaming her head off and jumping up and down. Kitamoto clapped Natsume on the back and soon several classmates followed suit. Natsume was sure a red handprint was permanently etched on his back now.

“Dude, I knew you were fast, but I didn’t know you were that fast!!” Nishimura yelled through his tears.

“Seriously, do you have a secret running regimen I don’t know about, or is it just natural talent?” Kitamoto said.

Natsume heard some more cheering explode behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see an uncharacteristically excited Tanuma waving at him from the other side of the track, “Congrats, Natsume!”

“Tanuma, you could at least… pretend to care… that our class lost,” said the boy Natsume had gone up against, still doubled over and panting.

“Sorry.”

There was loud whistle from the stands and Natsume saw it came from Taki. The girl next to her had covered her ears. Taki didn’t notice, and let out another impressively strong blast, waving at him. She removed her knuckles from her mouth and shouted “Woo, Natsume!”

Natsume was torn between being happy his friends supported him and so embarrassed he could die.

“I owe you an apology, Natsume,” said the boy with the glasses, whoever he was.

“Hell yeah you do!” Nishimura responded.

“Nishimura…” Kitamoto’s said scoldingly, his eyes flicking to Sasada.

“Ah…I’m sorry too, Sasada,” Nishimura said sincerely. “You really showed me.” (Sasada had been fast enough to give Nishimura a head start, as Natsume suspected she would be, she’d certainly caught up to him out of nowhere plenty of times in the early days of their relationship).

Sasada wasn’t listening, she was looking at a fit girl with short black hair from another class, who was also still panting from the race. “How about that, Chiyo!” she called over to her.

“You win this one, but I’ll get you next time, Jun! Just you wait!” Chiyo called with a matching huge grin and an excited look in her eyes. For some reason Sasada blushed delicately in response*.

“Okay, okay, give him some room to breathe,” Kitamoto said, shooing at the others. They all stepped back, though Nishimura remained by Natsume’s side. Natsume was grateful for Kitamoto, he was dizzy and overwhelmed. He’d had no idea races like this were such a big deal to people. He was more grateful than ever the Fujiwaras weren’t here to add on to all this.

“Look Natsume!” Sasada had finally torn her eyes away from the other girl and was pointing at the stands. “Even the track coach looks impressed!”

“No wonder, you’re faster than half her team,” Kitamoto said. “Bet she tries to recruit you!”

Natsume’s stomach dropped like a stone. Indeed, the track coach, a woman with short brown hair and sharp eyes, was looking at him with interest. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. His personal hell had returned. Had winning a measly race been worth it?

Natsume looked over at Nishimura, who was still jumping up and down and hollering about how he was going to treat Kitamoto, Sasada and Natsume to some manju, not even minding when Kitamoto snarked at him about it how it must be a cold day in hell if the man who sponged off everyone was paying the tab for once. He flashed Natsume another ecstatic grin, and Natsume smiled back.

Yeah, it had been worth it.

--

Natsume had experienced a lot of reoccurring horrors, but the most annoying of them was being hounded by track coaches at every school he went to.

Apparently, spending most of his life running from yokai had made him faster than the average person. He’d been unaware of this until his first year of middle school. When it came time to run the track, Natsume had heard whispers around him, a couple of the kids placing bets on when he’d collapse. One boy had even smacked him on the shoulder and screamed “The liar’s gonna come in dead last!” in his ear.

Natsume hadn’t really done much racing against other kids on the playground, and he’d been sick during a lot of gym classes, so he’d also figured he’d struggle against the other kids. It had completely shocked everyone, himself included, when he blew past them all with ease. He’d reached the finish line only to find the other kids several feet behind him, panting and gawking.

The gym teacher’s eyes had gone wide, and he’d immediately started urging Natsume to join the track club. The man had even gone to Natsume’s current guardians about it.

His guardians had resented that he was getting attention while their real kid was an overlooked benchwarmer on the baseball team. They’d thrown lots of snide comments Natsume’s way. And…well, he hadn’t had a good time on the track team at all. When he’d inevitably had to move again after those same guardians got tired of him, leaving the track club behind had been the silver lining.

Upon transferring to a new school, he’d decided to keep his speed under wraps. But then a coach noticed him running when he was late for class one day and his troubles started all over again. At first he’d avoided the coach by coming up with excuses about responsibilities or detention or headaches, but eventually he was just reduced to hiding under the bleachers when he saw the man.

At another school, a coach tried to recruit him for her team SO aggressively he’d made the stupid mistake of running away when he saw her—and naturally, seeing how fast he could book it had just increased her interest.

So, when he was gathering up all the extra water bottles from the hydration station tent at end of the day, and saw the track coach approach him, his heart started pounding, He fought back his urge to bolt, even a flashbacks filled his brain.

“Natsume, right? I’m Sakuragi, if you don’t remember,” The woman had a wide, genuine smile. He’d only spoken to her a few times, but he was pretty sure she was Taki’s homeroom teacher. “You showed some impressive hustle today! Have you ever thought of joining the track team?”

Fortunately, Natsume had his excuses pre-prepared. “Oh wow, that’s such an honor, Sensei!” He said, continuing to gather up the water bottles while still maintaining polite eye contact. “But, you see, I get sick very easily, so joining a team is a bad idea. I’d just end up being absent a lot, and I’d let the team down.”

“That’s not a problem.” To his horror, the teacher bent down and started picking up the water bottles herself.

“You don’t have to trouble yourself—” He began quickly, but she cut him off, saying “ I’d never require you to come in when you’re not feeling well. You wouldn’t need to worry about calling out sick. We’re a fairly large team, so other students can easily sub in for you if you can’t make a race.”

What kind of laid back track team was this? Never mind, Natsume had a backup excuse. “Well, that’s great, but I’m also concerned about making trouble for my foster parents. It’s a lot to ask them, and I don’t want to put them out. I’d be around to help them less. They’d have to pay for expenses, like when overnight trips at the inn when we go to other towns, or shoes—”

“The school supplies the shoes and other essentials, and we can cover trip expenses if need be. Also, I chat with Ms. Fujiwara at the grocery store often, and she loves bragging about you. I can’t see her turning down a chance for you to develop your skills and enjoy some team spirit!”

Natsume looked down at his shoes, sure that he was tomato red right now. Touko bragged about him? What did he even do worth bragging about? “He only missed ten days of class this month”? “His grades were perfectly mediocre again”? “He hasn’t come home covered in dirt in a while”? “He made five whole friends in school, somehow?”*

Still, through his embarrassment, he felt a little warm inside. She was proud of him. It was a still a new feeling, and he wasn’t sure what to do with this strange, shy happiness.

“Natsume?” The coach’s voice snapped him back to reality. “Is there anything else bothering you, or would you like to come do a practice session with us? If you don’t like it, you don’t have to join. I’ll respect your decision.”

“I…” Natsume was searching for another excuse.  

 Nishimura jogged up. “Natsume, do you need any—" He noticed who Natsume was talking to and his eyes widened. “Oh, sorry to interrupt, Sensei! Natsume, are you being recruited? That’s so cool!”

“Ah, you were his teammate today, right?” Sakuragi smiled at Nishimura kindly.

Nishimura flushed a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, Natsume really saved me out there. He’s a dependable guy! And he’s a great runner!”

Nishimura flashed a grin at Natsume, who was wishing he had telepathy so he could tell him to stop. He tried to send a signal by shaking his head slightly, but Nishimura wasn’t looking now.

“Well, that definitely sounds like track team material,” Sakuragi said jovially. She turned to Natsume. “Looks like your friends vouch for you. But it’s up to you, Natsume. Would you mind just stopping by?”

Natsume couldn’t bring himself to directly say no to a teacher in the first place, and now Nishimura and his enthusiasm had been added to the mix. “I’ll give it a try,” he mumbled, forcing a smile.

“Great! Just come to the track after school tomorrow. I think you’ll find it’s a lot more fun than you’re thinking.”

Natsume kept the smile fixed on as they carried the water bottles back into school. When the coach departed and they came ouside again, he and Nishimura met Taki and Tanuma. As always, Nishimura immediately started blushing and fidgeting , but as always, Taki failed to notice.

“I saw you with Sakuragi-sensei!” she said with a smile. “Impressing her is a big feat, Natsume! And don’t worry, she’s really nice.” She put her hand on Natsume’s shoulder, and Nishimura let out a strangled squeak. “She won’t get mad at you, whatever you decide.”

“Are you okay?” Tanuma said softly. Clearly both he and Taki had noticed he wasn’t actually happy right now.

“I’m fine,” Natsume said, letting the fake smile drop away and replacing it with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll just check it out. No big deal.”

---

“I don’t get why you’re whining so much about it,” Nyanko-sensei said, trotting beside Natsume as he walked to school the next day. “It’s just one measly meeting. What’s so bad about this running team thing anyway?”

“The people who took care of me when I joined the track team the first time were really bothered by it. They didn’t like having to drive me places, or the attention I got—”

“The Fujiwara’s aren’t like that, so that’s a stupid excuse.”

“That’s true, but it’s more than that,” Natsume sighed. “Last time, I was constantly late or absent. A yokai would attack me or I’d get sick...”

“Wimp.”

“Shut up, Sensei. Anyway, whenever that happened, the coach yelled at me for flaking out. I let everyone down.”

“But this woman said it doesn’t matter if you’re sick and can’t come, right?”

“She says that now, but she might change her mind,” Natsume mumbled.

“You’re so gloomy,” Nyanko-sensei shook his head. “It’s annoying.”

“Look, even if what she says is true, my teammates probably won’t like me. They didn’t last time. And I just…I just hated the feeling of all those people looking at me.”

He’d struggled a bit with just the sports day crowd watching him, but being on a real team was a million times worse. All those people judging, all their hopes riding on him not messing up… He shivered, remembering the way his skin had crawled, the way his breathing turned funny, the way his hands had shook. All those eyes on him…the weight of their gaze had made him want to curl up so small they couldn’t see him anymore.

“And there’s the actual reason. You’re bad with other people and you get stage fright. Boring.” Sensei yawned. “Just get over it. You have yokai trying to eat you all the time, why’s this scary?’

“I’d rather deal with yokai than the track team,” Natsume said emphatically.

Nyanko-sensei scoffed.

“A couple years ago there was this coach who was always chasing after me to recruit me. I was running from her, trying to get off school grounds so she couldn’t follow me, but then I saw that there was this huge yokai on the path out of school. Big fangs, sharp teeth, claws, all that.  I’d have to double back to avoid it, and the coach would catch me. So… I took the better option, and I ran past the yokai.”

“Idiot. Did it attack you?”

“I took a swing at me and knocked me out. But because of that the teacher was reprimanded for making the sickly kid collapse and they threatened to fire her if she ever chased a student again. She stopped trying to ask me after that. So it all worked out.”

“I don’t understand humans,” Sensei sighed. “Anyway, I’m in favor of the track team. If it helps you run faster, that means less of you getting snatched by yokai and less work for me.”

“Stop being lazy and trying to skip out on your bodyguard duties, Sensei. Yokai shouldn’t be chasing me down in the first place, it’s your job to take care of them.”

“I’ve got my own life to live! Stop being so selfish!”

“I’m the selfish one?”

They bickered all the way to the school gate, and though Natsume would never admit it to Nyanko-sensei, it did make him feel a lot better.

---

Part 1 complete! Part 2 to come. This is probably about halfway there, if not more.

Footnotes:

*Yes, Sasada has a sports and academic rival yuri storyline in the background. Yes I'm being self indulgent. It's what she deserves. It probably won't come up much more, I just thought it would be funny. Sasada's having this whole romantic epic while Natsume's worrying about track.

*Touko has been bragging about how kind and helpful you are, Natsume, you dummy. And about the garden he made and how it was good it was and other things Natsume does really well he hasn't noticed. She's also probably noticed he's fast and relatively strong for his size, he's always fetching and carrying stuff for her, but Coach thought she was exaggerating. UNTIL NOW.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.10)

WOW we did it folks. 10 parts to an essay that we're like. a quarter of the way done with. That's pretty great! More or less, by the time you finish reading this post, you'll have read 35k words worth of analysis and I'll have spent countless hours writing it. What amazing dedication we have to this manga! We should get an anime reboot as a reward!

Anyway, let's go crazy stupid trying to wrap up this arc, where we can see the extent of Natsume's selflessness. As we approach the end, something will happen to make Natsume's plans to distance himself from Mikan very difficult. Let us begin!

Also I've been forgetting to put trigger warnings up for these but I put them on the first few so hopefully you know they're all like that. Child abuse is a huge topic we'll cover throughout, as well as all the consequences that come with it, so be wary.

Chapter Forty-One

Medusa--Mihara-san--is amused to see that the frightening, powerful, and awe-inspiring “Black Cat”, who demonstrates a trained command of his alice despite wearing an alice-restraining mask on missions, is actually just a little kid.

Natsume doesn’t care about being impressive; he cuts to the chase, asking where Mikan is. Medusa makes his comments, but Natsume stays on his point: his new mission is to save Mikan, after all. Though keeping Mikan and Ruka safe had been his personal mission from the get-go. But just as Natsume isn’t interested in anything Medusa has to say if it isn’t about Mikan, Medusa isn’t interested in any topic that is about Mikan. So the small talk ends and Shiki is commanded to test the kids’ abilities.

Natsume cares about one thing right now and it isn't his DA alias.

They are in the midst of some kind of battle or standoff when Mikan reappears, safe. She calls out to them, excited to see them again. Ruka and Tsubasa are happy to see her safe as well, so they call out too. Natsume is not as thrilled. He’s good at staying on mission and keeping his attention on the dangers around him, like Shiki and Medusa, as well as the countless other Z members, all with mystery alices.

Mikan suddenly appearing and making herself known is dangerous, and she’s immediately under attack, unwittingly. He runs to protect her, using his alice as a barrier between them and the man who just tried to hurt her, but when he turns back to look at Mikan, he’s livid.

The art in this scene is so gorgeous, I could stare it forever. Look at how silky Natsume's hair is. Pretty.

Tsubasa and Ruka have never been on a mission like this. They were just eager to see Mikan unharmed. She was also just excited to see her friends again after being separated. But Natsume knows better. On a mission, you have to stay vigilant and always careful, and Mikan was careless. He yells at her, scolding her. But even through his emotions, he stays vigilant, protecting her even more when the enemy tries to take advantage of the distraction.

This is what he came for, not just to be the brains and keep them on track throughout the journey, but also to protect them, because that’s what he always does, what his priority always is. He will use his alice to ward off enemy attacks, and use his body as a shield, even if he winds up exhausted and bleeding and hurt. And he is.

But he still tells Mikan to stay behind him, to stay safe, so he can properly protect her this time, because he couldn’t do it before.

He doesn’t expect Mikan to get up and tell him that he doesn’t have to worry. She doesn’t want or need him to protect her; instead she wants to help him. She tells him, for once, that he doesn’t have to be the only one hurt anymore. He’s understandably surprised to hear this, because it means that someone other than Ruka has been paying attention. She understands that he’s been through the wringer, and she doesn’t want to just sit back and benefit from his effort without giving anything back. But more than just saying she’ll take on the brunt of things for him, she wants to help. She wants to be his strength, not a burden on him.

She has been noticing him, even the things he doesn't want her to notice.

This shocks him enough that it actually distracts him from his vigilance, and suddenly it appears that Ruka is in danger. He leaves her side just long enough for her to be captured by Shiki instead, and immediately teleported to Medusa’s side. They needed to get Mikan out of the way, after all, so that Medusa could use his alice, which he immediately uses to petrify Tsubasa’s leg.

Chapter Forty-Two

Right off the bat, we’re shown just how much the stakes have risen. Medusa’s alice is deadly, not just dangerous, and he’s already managed to hit Tsubasa with it. His next command is to have Yuka steal the kids’ alices, and to start with Natsume. It would make things easier on him, anyway, Medusa says, obviously privy to the idea that a child like Natsume wouldn’t want to be a child soldier at all, unlike Reo who mused that maybe Natsume would be more content with just a change of employer.

But Yuka makes it clear that her alice isn’t strong enough to steal all of the alices at once, trying to spare the kids from losing their abilities. So Medusa then goes to a Plan B, convincing the kids that his alice will only be temporarily affecting them until they agree to work for Z. After all, Natsume can’t really use his alice when Medusa has Mikan in his clutches. He’s been in this situation before, practically living in it, having the lives and happiness of his loved ones held over his head so that he will be pliant. Medusa comments that he loves torturing people like him, and he must not be the only one, since Natsume’s been tortured in this way for years now.

Ruka is hit in the shoulder while trying to shield Tsubasa from another attack from Medusa, and the shoulder region is particularly life-threatening, as it’s close to the heart and he might die from the loss of blood flow soon. Of course, this sets Natsume into berserk mode, but before he can use his alice, he coughs violently. This gives Medusa an opportunity to strike Natsume in his dominant arm, his left one.

He tries to use his alice, despite being at a new disadvantage, and still angry from what’s happening to Ruka. So his leg gets hit too.

Medusa gets temporarily incapacitated by Mikan’s nullification, so he sends Yuka to steal Natsume’s alice, which should be a walk in the park because he’s lost control of his arm and leg, so he can’t run away.

It’s here that Natsume reveals to the reader the secret he’s been keeping for the past few days, the one that we must now keep as well, that Mikan is Yuka’s daughter.

This is another one of those situations, where the stars align in all the wrong ways. Something you've always wanted is within grasp, but there's too many reasons not to take it.

Natsume stands there, unable to move, and ponders his situation as Mikan desperately screams for him to run away.

He wonders if he was waiting for this exact moment, if that’s the reason he came along at all, so that he could meet Yuka and have her steal his alice away.

Earlier, Natsume left a conversation about losing alices because it was too painful. He doesn’t feel the same way about his that the rest of them do. It’s not some fond part of him that he can’t stand to lose. He hates it. It’s been a hindrance since the day he was born. People of all sorts of organizations, including the government operated Academy and terrorist organizations like Z, have coveted his power. It’s put his loved ones in danger. It’s made his life a living hell. He’s been robbed of a fun childhood, of smiles and friendship, of peace. It’s stolen opportunity from him, so he can’t even feel free to pursue a crush, or make bonds freely, or let himself laugh. It stole his future from him, and he dies a little bit more every day. He won’t live long enough to go on a date, graduate, get married, get a normal job, have kids, grow old. He might not even make it to middle school, and he knows it. He lives his whole life in eternal emotional, physical, and mental agony. He’s always under the gun, always careful, always selfless, always defensive.

Why would anyone want that?

And this is his chance to lose it all. Things could be easier, better, safer. He could lose it and finally exhale. He could go back home to his dad. He could be an actual kid for once. Yuka could steal his alice and all of his responsibilities and the deadweight he’s been carrying on his back for his whole life could be gone.

Of course he almost lets her steal it.

But Mikan has been screaming in anguish for him to run away, and he remembers what she said when she saved him during the Reo Arc: that it was too late to give up, and that they should return to the academy together, because a bright future must be waiting for them.

And because of that, Natsume makes his first move to escape Yuka’s alice.

Does Natsume really want a future if his friends and loved ones would still be in danger? Would it be worth it if he was safe, if it came at the price of their safety? If Natsume doesn’t use his alice to keep them safe and protected, then who will? Who can?

Natsume smacking Yuka’s hand away isn’t selfish. It’s not him realizing he wants to keep his alice, that maybe deep down, he might actually love it. It’s not dear to him in any way. It’s still the thing that wears his body down and forces him to cough up blood. No, this act is selfless, yet again, because his own happiness and even his life come dead last to him. He has to keep them all safe after all.

Yuka snatches his wrist anyway, ready to steal his alice away, until she realizes she can’t. Mikan is using her alice from all the way across the room to protect Natsume.

So basically, the idea of Natsume leaving the academy causes this kind of reaction in Mikan, something Natsume has no choice but to see for what it is: fondness.

He looks at her with surprise, because this is an act of affection. Mikan has just used her alice to keep him with her. His life isn’t in danger, but she wants him to stick around. Now more than ever, Natsume can see proof that she cares about him, even despite all the bullying he’s done, despite all the mean words he’s thrown her way, even after he told her cruelly that he hates every single thing about her. Up until now, Natsume had no reason to believe she was doing anything but tolerating him, and though that was the outcome he was working for, deep down he does want the girl he likes to have some fondness for him too. This is the first time Natsume can really see that he means something to her too, as more than just a classmate or a partner. He is someone she doesn't want to part with.

And Mikan has fulfilled her wish, to be Natsume’s strength, because now Natsume is able to yell at her to duck and blow up the wall behind her.

Usually such huge explosions are the result of him at his angriest, using his ability to punish the people who hurt his loved ones. He’s probably also done similar things on missions, maybe even when he’s completely calm. But this time Natsume is weaker than ever, his dominant left arm completely out of commission, unable to move, under duress. He finds the strength to cause that explosion because of Mikan, because she wants him around.

While everyone is distracted, Natsume tells Yuka to go help Mikan, hinting that he knows her secret.

So Yuka stabs Mihara-san and has the petrified kids lick his blood off the blade. It’s confusing to the other kids why she would do this, but Natsume knows exactly why.

It would be interesting to see more interaction between Yuka and Natsume. Surely Yuka knows that Natsume is Kaoru’s son? It would be interesting to see if she noticed that his name matches Mikan’s. What does she think of him? What might their dynamic be like? I will always mourn that we’ll never find out.

Chapter Forty-Three

This chapter is the one that should officially designate this manga into the “tragedy” category. Yes, there’s been some heavy and deep stuff so far, most having to do with Natsume and the heavy abuse he deals with, but even with all that it’s managed to be mainly a cheerful and upbeat story. This chapter makes it clear that horrible and heart-wrenching things can and will happen, that we can’t count on a happy ending every time.

The kids are close to escape. They’re about to head through a warp zone back to school, and it’s urgent they move fast because the hide-out they’re in is currently imploding. Unfortunately, Mikan has dropped the antidote to the bullet that hit Hotaru, so she refuses to leave until she’s retrieved it from under a pile of rubble.

Pengy finally has a chance to prove itself, wriggling under and saving the antidote for Hotaru. It has helped Mikan, and because that’s the best thing someone can do, Natsume is grateful.

Natsume's smile (even a small one like this) has incredible powers, like giving robots a feeling of self-worth, making his classmates fall in love with him, and making me think he is a good boy. It would be irresponsible to overuse it.

Just like when Tsubasa showed his worth back at the high school division when he used his alice to help Mikan, Natsume has a new respect for Pengy, who was able to do something amazing to help the group, and Mikan especially. So he gives Pengy a slight smile. It’s really subtle and nothing outstanding on anybody else, but it’s a rare thing to get from Natsume, even for those whom he loves. “I guess you can be a little useful,” he says. This is the best sign of appreciation someone can get from him, and Pengy glows for a moment (ahh… the power of Natsume’s smile), until things fall apart.

The floor gives way under Mikan’s feet. They’re able to pull Mikan up, but Pengy is still too far to reach. Despite Mikan’s desperation, Pengy understands that they’re wasting time trying to reach it. Finally, after Pengy has proven its use to Natsume, it refuses to be a hindrance again, and sacrifices itself so that everyone can safely return the antidote to Hotaru.

They’re all through the tunnel, hit with the knowledge that Pengy is gone. They all react somewhat differently, but Natsume feels guilt.

Pengy's smile has evil powers because it makes me cry.

Natsume had considered Pengy a robot, something unfeeling and mechanical, just a useless thing Hotaru made once. It was something that could be discarded, and after it had proven to be troublesome, he’d even advocated that it should be discarded. He’d considered it useless all along, but when it really counted, Pengy was able to save Mikan and the antidote. It proved not only that it could be useful, but that it wasn’t just another mechanical robot. When Natsume smiled at it, it smiled back. And in its final act of sacrifice, it acted out of love for both Hotaru and Mikan, and Natsume feels sorry for what he’d said about it.

Natsume has a habit for establishing a bad impression of someone, and then having that person work hard to prove themselves to him. Pengy is one example, but he’s like this with Tsubasa, Mikan, and all sorts of people at first. People (and robots) that he despises until they show him what they’re really made of, winning his respect and sometimes even affection. It makes sense he would be so distrustful, seeing the life he has to live. Trusting the wrong person can get you hurt sometimes, and can lead to disaster. And having something useless like Pengy can cause a mission to fail. But Natsume is sometimes wrong about his first impression of a person, and the same qualities that could lead him to believe something is useless or annoying can end up being strengths that he respects.

Chapter Forty-Five

Yes, I skipped 44 because that’s more noteworthy as a Mikan chapter. Natsume doesn’t do anything I found particularly intriguing and I didn’t want to make anything up or repeat myself. In fact, for the rest of this arc, there’s very little left for me to say, so I apologize if this is a short analysis to conclude with.

The first thing we’ll address is the ESP and Persona discussing the insubordination that has just occurred. Yes, an injured student has safely recovered, and a Z hideout has been destroyed, but it wasn’t their plan for things to happen that way. Narumi needs a warning, for one. Natsume, according to Persona, needs simply to be punished back into obedience. From the way Persona talks about him, we can see how little he thinks of Natsume, how easy he can be to manipulate and control, which is all he is good for anyway. To them, Natsume is nothing more than a pawn in their game. Sure, he’s a useful pawn, the Black Cat that strikes fear into the hearts of the school’s enemies and successfully completes his missions even with a punishment mask on, but he’s still just a pawn. Nothing more.

While watching Mikan and Hotaru’s reunion, Tsubasa teases Natsume about joining the group hug. Natsume ignores him, and makes to walk away, but stops just long enough to toss his healing alice necklace to him. Tsubasa can borrow it to make up for having Subaru put Natsume’s injuries first. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want anybody looking after him, and that might seem like a snub, but this is kindness too. Natsume calls Tsubasa by his name, though he’ll do his best to avoid ever saying it again, and lends him a source of comfort and healing to pay back Tsubasa’s compassion. This is a growing moment, because Natsume has opened himself up to the idea that he could care about more people, even if it means more to lose.

Saying people's names is another rare magic from Natsume, I guess.

Natsume has learned things on this mission too, just like Mikan has. He’s a bit more open-minded now. He judged both Tsubasa and Pengy, and ended up changing his mind about them both, even if only by a little. He’s also discovered that Mikan has affection for him too, and it will completely undo all the effort he’s so far tried to make in distancing himself. It’s one thing to stay away from the girl you like when she hardly stands you. It’s another thing when she enjoys your company, and your feelings are turning into love. His feelings have intensified, or maybe they were always so intense but are just newly solidified, as he’s not hiding from them as much anymore.

He won’t be able to distance himself from her anymore, so he’ll completely stop trying.

Conclusion

Natsume has realized that Mikan holds a degree of fondness for him too, and because he is now very deeply in love with her, he will not be able to stay away like he'd resolved to before. Tomorrow we will begin our essay with Natsume's birthday, a very exciting way to start looking at his new approach to his relationship with Mikan.

The last essay (pt. 9) in particular inspired people to tell me that they were learning new things about Natsume, and as a result even loving him more, and that makes me so happy! Natsume is one of my favorite characters ever, and I want people to love him as much as I do! I love when people leave comments or questions! Really, I'm just so happy and over the moon that people are reading and enjoying, because again--this is a LOT of words. It's a long essay, and it means so much not just that people want to read about Natsume and his feelings for Mikan, but that they want to hear what I have to say about it! Thank you so much for supporting me! Isn't it exciting that we're about a quarter through? <3

I can’t put a song in the tags cuz I have too many tags. So. Church by Fall Out Boy.

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[chanoyu-to-wa]

Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.12):  Two Additional Examples of the Display of the Kōro.

18.12) Two additional examples of the display of the kōro:  when incense will be appreciated during the shoza (before the host performs the sumi-temae), and when it will be appreciated during the goza (after tea has been served).

[The writing reads:  (to the right of the upper sketch) kōro kazari, tadashi hatsu no kō (香炉カサリ、但初の香)¹; (within the sketch, in red)  mine [峯]², (and in black) meibutsu kōro fukuro ire, mine-suri (名物香炉袋入、峯スリ)³; (to the left of the lower sketch) fukuro no uchi kōro kazari (袋ノ内香炉カサリ)⁴.]

_________________________

◎ In Tachibana Jitsuzan's original copy of the Shū-un-an documents, made with those documents spread out in front of him, this page* follows the one considered in the post entitled Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.10):  an Arrangement of a Natsume and Temmoku on the Naka-bon, with the Sasa-mimi Displayed on the Naka-dana; and the Display of the Hoya [ホヤ] on the Naka-dana†.

    The change of the order most likely reflects a clerical error on Jitsuzan’s part. __________ *Each page contains two illustrations.  Several of the pages have been copied out of sequence in the Enkaku-ji manuscript, but the two sketches on those pages remain in their original order.

†The URL for that post is:

https://chanoyu-to-wa.tumblr.com/post/187561764795/namp%C5%8D-roku-book-3-1810-an-arrangement-of-a

¹Kōro kazari, tadashi hatsu no kō [香炉カサリ、但初の香].

    Kōro kazari [香炉飾] means “displaying the kōro.”  This was apparently intended as the section title for the four arrangements that follow (since it is associated with the first of them in Jitsuzan’s original copy).  However, because the order was changed when Jitsuzan copied the illustrations into the notebook that he was preparing for the Enkaku-ji, the title is now out of place.

    Tadashi hatsu no kō [但初の香] means “however, incense will be [appreciated] first.”  Hatsu [初] -- literally, first -- means “first;” it does not mean “after” the sumi-temae (the version of kōro kazari discussed in the previous post is the one that represents the situation where mon-kō follows the addition of charcoal to the ro).

    This proviso suggests that, in what was originally the first of the sketches showing the kōro kazari, Jōō’s intention was to follow the historical form of the Shino family’s kō-kai [香會]:  the appreciation of incense comes first*, and only when this is finished does the host turn his attention to the preparations for the service of tea -- arranging the charcoal, offering the kaiseki while the water comes to a boil†, followed by kashi, and finally the actual service of koicha and usucha.

    That incense will be appreciated before the sumi-temae can be deduced from the kane-wari of this arrangement:  the fukuro-dana has a count of han [半].  After mon-kō, the incense tray will be removed, leaving the tana with a count of chō [調] -- which is appropriate for the beginning of the shoza of a chakai‡. ___________ *As a result, there are no real limits on the number of varieties of incense that might be appreciated:  generally the host prepared two kinds of kyara [伽羅] incense wood; but it was also possible for one (or more) of the guests to offer an additional variety of his own.  Only when there was no more incense to appreciate was the mon-kō [聞香] (“listening to incense”) brought to a close.

†It is possible (indeed, likely) that the guests left the room briefly after the appreciation of incense was concluded.  If so, it was at this time that the shita-bi [下火] (which consists of three burning gitchō [毬打], pieces of charcoal measuring approximately 2-sun 5-bu long and between 1-sun 5-bu and 1-sun 8-bu in diameter) was put into the ro (otherwise there was the chance that these three pieces of charcoal would burn out during the mon-kō).

    Meanwhile, the host, knowing his kama (and how long it would take to begin to boil) arranged the number of dishes that would be served during the kaiseki accordingly.  The purpose of the meal was to give the guests something to do while the water heated, rather than to entertain them with copious servings of food and drink.  Even during Jōō‘s middle period, when his kaiseki tended to imitate the form of the court banquet, this rule always was kept in mind.

‡The commentators, who have long since given up on any attempt of making sense of the kane-wari of these arrangements, apparently have not noticed this point.

    That said, it is important to point out that it is impossible to understand Jōō’s -- or Rikyū’s -- usages from the standpoint of the rigid Senke style chaji.  Not only is applying this standard anachronistic, but in the early days (and this densho dates from Jōō’s middle period, long before the small room and its many conventions were ever thought of) Jōō’s cha-kai [茶會] was often closer to the Shino family’s kō-kai [香會] than it is to the modern chaji -- even though this is a connection that the modern schools of tea deliberately refuse to recognize.

²Mine [峯].

    As has been explained before, the annotations found on the sketches were added at a later time -- and possibly not all at the same time (in other words, they represent layers of commentary superimposed on the sketches -- some, as in this case, possibly even added by Nambō Sōkei himself).

    Mine [峯] means “the peak,” and is a reference, of course, to the fact that the kōro has been placed as a mine-suri [峰摺り].  The statement (written in black ink, and discussed in the next footnote) simply elaborates on this indicator.

³Meibutsu kōro fukuro ire, mine-suri [名物香炉袋入、峯スリ].

    “A meibutsu kōro is [tied] in its fukuro, [and displayed as a] mine-suri.”

    The kōro was filled with ash*, and covered with a lid (usually made of ivory or a variety of wood with no smell -- to protect the neutrality of the special ash†).  Indeed, the ash was usually kept in the kōro permanently‡ (only being removed after use so that it could be sifted, to remove any unburnt pieces of the tadon [炭團]**). ___________ *Usually prepared from burnt wisteria leaves.  This ash is very fine, and quite white in color.

†Any odor contaminating the ash would impact upon the fragrance of the incense.

‡The moisture content of the ash was very important, since damp ash could easily smother the tadon.  For this reason, after use, the ash was removed and sifted, and then immediately returned to the kōro -- which was then covered with its lid and tied into its shifuku for storage.

    It is important for the reader to understand that a shifuku was not provided only for a meibutsu kōro -- since all incense burners were (at least in theory) so treated -- but that it was only in the case of a meibutsu-kōro that the guests saw the censer tied in its shifuku.  Kyara incense wood was incredibly expensive (unlike now, when small pieces of famous kyara can be purchased for ￥10,000 ~ ￥20,000, in Jōō’s period one usually had to buy the entire log -- which then became publicly associated with the purchaser as “his” variety of kyara), so it was only members of the moneyed classes that could indulge in this activity.

**A tadon [炭團] is a sort of small briquette made of powdered, high-quality charcoal.  They catch fire easily, and burn steadily.

    Often, to prevent the handler from soiling his hands, the tadon (which, because they are made of powdered charcoal, cannot be washed before use like ordinary charcoal), the tadon were covered with a thin leaf of silver.  The remains of this would also have to be sifted out of the ash before it was reused.

⁴Fukuro no uchi kōro kazari [袋ノ内香炉カサリ].

    “The kōro is displayed within the [ji-]fukuro [of the fukuro-dana].”

    The word “fukuro” in this sentence must not be confused with the identical kanji used in the statement discussed in footnote 2, where it serves as a name for the cloth bag that we now refer to as a shifuku.

    In this case, the appreciation of incense will take place after tea has been served* (which is why the incense things have been secluded in the ji-fukuro‡). ___________ *Possibly with a brief intermission occurring between the two.

‡In addition to this, the arrangement of the tana, and the kane-wari count, indicate that the tana has been arranged for the beginning of the goza, and the immediate service of tea.  (Since the goza begins when the yu-ai [湯相] -- the “condition of the water” as demonstrated by the production of the shōfū [松風] sound -- is suitable for the service of tea, it would be highly inappropriate to delay things by appreciating incense first.)

==============================================

I. The first arrangement.

    Here a meibutsu kōro (displayed in its shifuku*) is displayed as a mine-suri, together with the kōgō and kyōji (right), and taki-gara-ire (left).  While I have drawn a naga-bon (in accordance with the sketch in Book Three of the Nampō Roku), other types of trays were also used -- the choice depending as much on the sizes of the utensils that would be combined on it, as well as the host’s personal preferences.

    The habōki rests on top of the host’s temae-fukusa†.  This (along with the kane-wari count) suggests that the appreciation of incense will take place before the sumi-temae‡.

     As for the kane-wari, as stated above, the tana, as shown, has a count of han [半].  Since the tray with the incense utensils will be removed after the appreciation of incense has been concluded, however, the tana (and so, the za as well**) will have a count of chō [調] when the host begins the sumi-temae.

    It is probable that the guests would leave the room for a brief recess (to stretch their legs) between the end of the mon-kō and the beginning of the sumi-temae. ___________ *For clarity, the kōro is displayed in the middle, as shown below (with the shifuku eliminated) -- though not quite in the center of the tray.  How much off center depends on the sizes of the kōgō and the taki-gara-ire.

    Once the things on the tray have been arranged satisfactorily, the tray is moved to center the kōro squarely on its kane, as a mine-suri.

†The way the fukusa is oriented is not specified in Jōō‘s densho.  Here I have shown it folded into quarters, with the corner that the host will pick up (so that it falls into a triangular shape) on the right.

‡Since the fukusa was usually folded, and in the host’s futokoro during those parts of the gathering that were associated with the service of tea, its presence on the tana informs the guests that what will occur first has nothing to do with chanoyu.

    The habōki, meanwhile, is used to dust off the rim of the kōro (after the tadon has been inserted and the ashes shaped), so placing it on top of the fukusa allows it to be lifted off when it is needed.

    Since the appreciation of incense will precede the arranging of the charcoal, the ro might be closed with its lid during this first part of the gathering (since, if a wet kama and shita-bi were placed in the ro at the start of the chakai, the three small pieces of charcoal that make up the shita-bi would likely burn out before the host got around to arranging the charcoal; therefore, these things would probably be brought out and put into the ro only after the mon-kō was concluded -- since a short recess would be necessary at this point, if only to allow the guests to rest their knees).

    Furthermore, because the kōro is tied in its shifuku, the preparation of the kōro for mon-kō would be a little more elaborate than usual.  The tadon, rather than being lit in the ro, would be set alight in the mizuya, and brought out in an akoda-kōro [阿古陀香爐] (a lacquered wooden vessel, with a copper or brass liner, that resembles a rather small pumpkin-shaped hibachi; the akoda is covered with a screen-like lid, and is is the kōro that is used to perfume clothing:  an example is shown above) for transfer to the meibutsu kōro.  Very possibly the host would also bring out some additional incense utensils, arranged on a tray, so that the ash could be shaped properly -- out of respect for the kōro itself.

**Once the kō-bon has been removed, the tana would be chō (the now-empty ten-ita would be chō; the empty naka-dana would likewise be chō; the kō-dana would be han; and the ji-ita, with just the mizusashi, would also be han:  chō + chō + han + han is chō).  The toko (containing the kakemono) would be han, and the room would be han also (since it is reckoned as containing only the kama in the ro).  Han (the toko) + han (the room) + chō (the tana) is chō.

    If this seems confusing, substitute “1” (an odd number) for han, and “2” (even number) for chō.

——————————————–———-—————————————————

II. The second arrangement.

    Here incense will not be appreciated until after the service of tea is finished*.  Therefore, the incense tray† has been placed inside the closed ji-fukuro.

    An ordinary chaire‡ and the habōki have been displayed on the ten-ita, the hishaku on the naka-dana, and the mizusashi and futaoki on the ji-ita.

    As for kane-wari, the tana is han [半] (chaire, habōki, hishaku, mizusashi, and futaoki, all contacting separate kane).  Therefore the count for the goza would likewise be han [半]**, as is appropriate for the goza during the daytime. ___________ *This progression -- before, after, and in the middle (referring to the arrangement shown in the previous post, which was out of sequence) -- is rather typical of the Japanese way of stating things.

     When the host plans to include mon-kō during the chakai, either immediately following the sumi-temae, or later, after tea has been served, he should displace the gotoku toward the far-left corner when initially setting up the ro at the beginning of the day (as shown in the sketch, above:  the sketch is focused on the ro, with portions of the utensil mat visible for perspective only; the sketch was not accidentally truncated) -- so that the open space between the kama and the front-right corner will be as great as possible.  This allows the host to reach into the ro with the hibashi and withdraw the tadon (which are placed into the ro to light) without having to remove the kama.  (This is also the reason why ha-gama [羽釜] -- kama with a projecting flange that allows them to rest on the ro-dan with out a gotoku -- have the flange broken away from the part that fits into the right corner, to allow the host to reach into the ro as described above.  These kama were first created during Jōō’s middle period, when the inclusion of mon-kō during the chakai was still fairly common.)

†Even the smallest of the three classical naga-bon would not fit inside the ji-fukuro of the fukuro-dana.  Therefore, it would be necessary to use a smaller tray -- such as the square naka-bon [中盆] (which measures 1-shaku square) -- as I have shown.

‡An “ordinary” karamono-chaire could be used as well.  But not one that would be placed as a mine-suri.  On this point, the original sketch is not clear, and none of the commentators have seen a need to address this matter.

**The tana is han, the toko (assuming it contains the chabana, as was usual during Jōō’s period) is han, and the room is han.  Han + han + han is han.

[comicteaparty]

April 29th-May 5th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 29th, 2019 to May 5th, 2019.  The chat focused on Catcha by Anko.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Catcha by Anko~! (http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until May 5th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Do you feel that Myouki and Yumi will be able to get along in the long run? What sort of obstacles in their relationship do you expect? What sorts of things might bring them together?

keii4ii

1. I have two picks for this one! Myouki transforming, even though I was expecting it from the synopsis, was a big 'ooh yesss' moment. Magical cat transformation is inherently exciting! Plus, it felt like a gear shifting moment for the story. Second one isn't really a scene, but the one panel where you see the framed picture of Yumi and her mom(?). While it's a fairly normal thing to have, it still shows that her parents are real, that her relationship with them isn't just a plot device. It also made me wonder if there's something special about that relationship that we will be learning in the comic later on.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Why do you think that Yumi is so determined to save the cafe? Ultimately, do you feel that she will succeed? How might her goals change as she continues to pursue her dream?

ankoart

@keii4ii Myouki transforming was something I was looking forward to drawing for so long after I started Catcha! It's still one of my favorite scenes. I'm really glad you're picking up some of the smaller details as well! Family is important to Yumi for sure!

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene, or i guess more the panel, is where they shake hands. i really adore that hesitation cause i think it helps visually kind of express how theres going to be struggles but theres also hope to be had that theyll manage to work together. so emotionally i think it just really works for the moment and the entire panel flow. 2) In the long run, yes I think the two will find common ground. But emphasis on long cause I think it's gonna be a while. I think the biggest obstacle for their relationship is just how out of touch Myouki might be with humanity. Cause I feel hes not going to understand why humans do the way humans do. Like why theyre staring at their phones all the time or why they dont worship at shrines like they used to or something. and i feel this is gonna cause him to butt heads and make yumi have to cover with customers, leading to many long structures and them having to teach each other about themselves and about how they can make the world work for them. as for bringing them together, cats. definitely cats cause at least thats the one common ground they can really share. 3) Myouki for the shallow reason hes a cat and has two colored hair. Two things I like. Hes also grump boy which I also like. 4) From the impression I got, I assume Yumi has fond memories of someone who probably died or something tied to that cafe. And it's kind of like her last place to remember them by. Or said person also believed in her or something like that. I think there's also just a little bit of stubbornness in there too cause she already made the bet. So it's kind of too late to back out now without taking an ego punch. I think she will succeed, but I think her goals will shift slightly in perspective. Right now I feel shes mostly about saving the business, but when it becomes not about saving the business I think shell really dedicate herself to making a true place for cats. Like giving them a home without it just being a gimmick.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Who exactly is the person who introduced Myouki and Yumi? What is her end game in helping Myouki to not be forgotten? What do you see her role in the story being later on?

RebelVampire

5) actually my favorite illustration is the most recent page: http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2782734/page-18/ theres a great level of precision and detail in the cat related objects that i really appreciate, and you know 1000% what they are at first glance. I also enjoy the overal page composition cause it really has this nice montage feel that really helps showcase the changes that are going on with the cafe and how they really do create a nice atmosphere like is the characters' goals. 6) I assume she is some higher up in the food chain deity that is responsible for Myouki in some way. Possibly also a cat cause her eyes were kind of cat like. But going on this wavelength of course she doesnt want myouki to be forgotten cause thats how you get demoted. i do think shell appear later on to check up on them and give some sort of assessment. which will cause conflict between myouki and yumi as they try to impress but havent worked out all their relationship kinks yet.

keii4ii

5) There's a lot to like throughout the comic. I appreciate the creator doesn't shy away from drawing the environments, showing unusual angles (even for non-dramatic moments -- e.g. bottom left panel here http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2737479/page-25/ ). If I had to pick one..... I'd go with this one. http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2776781/page-17/ The environment is very simple and understated, yet it gives a sense of a fully 3-dimensional space. I also like the contrast between the busy hatching vs the simplicity of the rest of the image!

Delphina

Just caught up with this one, such a cute story so far!

Desnik

5. I liked this. I enjoy small, organic moments and the kittens are a fun bonus. http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2727534/page-06/

Delphina

My favorite scene in the comic so far is Yumi going out and feeding the cats. She just looks so happy and it's so sweet! http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2727534/page-06/

keii4ii

Jinx!

Delphina

Hahahaha

It was KITTTEN O'CLOCK apparently!

Myouki definitely seems to have a big chip on his shoulder and I think a lot of their obstacles are going to be him learning to be tolerant and understanding (especially in a customer service context), and Yumi being veeeerrryyy patient with him. Beyond the typical café trials of running a business and literal cat-herding, I would love to see more gods or supernatural/dangerous things happen because of Myouki's involvement and how Yumi rises to the challenge of handling that (or brings her human perspective in, a la Natsume Yuujinchou).

I think my favorite character so far is the Mystery White-Haired Lady. She seems kind but also mischievous, and I want to know what kind of relationship she has with a god to tease him like that. Like Rebel said, I think she's higher up in the deity foodchain and could either be looking out for Myouki OR wanting him to fail spectacularly. But she seems to appreciate Yumi so I'm leaning toward a more kindly sort.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What do you think Myouki’s backstory is? Why is Myouki so out of touch with the human world to the point he’s no longer believed in? Do you think he will come to accept humans by the end of the story?

ankoart

Author swooping in to let you all know I'm SUPER excited to read your thoughts, and my heart is so full right now! @RebelVampire I'm never quite confident in if I'm getting feelings across when I try and slow down scenes with moments of hesitation and such, so I'm really happy to hear that the handshake read clearly and you enjoyed it! Haha, Myouki would certainly be baffled by a lot of modern human quirks, like people staring at cellphones. Cats are definitely always the answer though! (>w<) I'm really happy you like Myouki. I love him for shallow reasons too, haha! Hummmm, I gotta say, you seem to understand Yumi really well! <3 The page you choose as a favorite illustration is one I put so much care into, so I'm really happy! I know there's not much that actually happens in that page, but I'm trying really hard to create a sense of space and atmosphere in Catcha! It means so much to know that's appreciated! And oh ho ho, your guesses over the mysterious woman who visits the cafe got me grinning. She's gonna keep everyone guessing for awhile soon as to who she is!

@keii4ii Oh man, I had so much fun with that picture of Myouki. It's such a simple little illustration, so I wanted to add lots of delicate details when inking it to add more depth!

@Desnik and @Delphina That page was such a fun excuse to feature some kittens at last! I felt kind of guilty before then about what a lack of cats there were, lol.

@Delphina Myouki being a deity will certainly add another flavor of challenges to their partnership! (Yumi already had bitten off more than she could chew with trying to start up her own business, but now she's got a cranky deity to please on top of everything else!) I'm so happy someone likes ~ Mystery Lady ~ ! She's really fun to write, and I feel like she hasn't had much opportunity to shine yet. I hope you look forward to more scenes with her~!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. How do you think Yumi will get along with the cats that Myouki winds up bringing? Will she be able to care for them all? Additionally, what sorts of personalities do you think the cats might have?

RebelVampire

7) Yumi and the mystery lady atm. Mystery lady is just so weird so it's kind of hard to anticipate where she's gonna go in a convo. So it makes their interactions kind of compelling. I also feel like mystery lady offers a great way to see into other side of Yumi that arent immediately present just cause of how she is. 8) I feel like Myouki probably got hurt by some humans and then it snowballed. So basically he cut off contact, and because he wasnt contacting humans as much they just went "cat god? maybe on the internet." not to mention myouki doesnt seem to be the type to like change, so aas the times progressed i feel like he just naturally remained stubborn and complained that the humans were changing and no longer respectful. basically old guy stuff. but eventually i do think he will accept humans again when he learns to open his heart. also when he learns how popular cats are on the internet. 9) the detail i want to appreciate is the cat coat patterns. They look very realistic to actual cats, and i love how theyre all varied. You'd be surprised how many ppl just make plain colored cats (which is fine cause i love all cats but i digress). Thus, I can appreciate the thought put in to making sure the cats weve seen are varied in appearance. 10) I think Yumi will do fine but i also would kind of like to see her interact with a cat that is legit the biggest asshole. And see her challenge herself with patience with trying to let the cat warm up to her rather than forcing herself on the cat. I think at some point the care might wind up jeapordized too cause they can only take in so many cats and...yeah, i dont think theyll put a hard limit on everything at first until they realize how much work is involved. as for cat personalities, besides the one i mentioned i also hope theres the cat who just sits everywhere theyre not supposed to be musing how if it fits, it sits.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What sorts of obstacles do you think Yumi will face business wise when it comes to running a cat cafe? Will the gimmick and renovation be enough, or will Yumi still have other challenges ahead of her?

keii4ii

12) I was actually mildly surprised that she had the funds to buy all those things for the cats? (Though I guess second hand market and thrift shopping may have been involved!) Funding can be a problem, possibly vet bills in the future. I wonder if Myouki has any helpful powers in the cat health department.

Kabocha

“1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?” http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2734702/page-20/ At first, I really thought that this was going to go... differently (because I didn't read the synopsis), and that this was gonna end up being a tale where the main character gets turned into a cat. I am admittedly quite pleasantly surprised by the fact that... It's not that. I'm 100% into the whole cat cafe idea~ “2. Do you feel that Myouki and Yumi will be able to get along in the long run? What sort of obstacles in their relationship do you expect? What sorts of things might bring them together?” Ahahahaha. Grudgingly, yes, I think. Myouki's a very rare type of cat, isn't he... I think, if anything, we're going to see him being aloof... continually. There's going to be a lot of stress, and maybe eventually Myouki'll have to understand that he can't just be a jerk if he wants to have his shrine...

“3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?” Myouki. He's a cat. I like cats. It's pretty simple. “4. Why do you think that Yumi is so determined to save the cafe? Ultimately, do you feel that she will succeed? How might her goals change as she continues to pursue her dream?” Admittedly, I'm not sure I have enough information to go off of to answer this question! This comic is very cute, but it's challenging to come up with theories that I can back up with evidence quite yet... But I would assume that Yumi's interested in keeping the cafe because it was in her family for a while. Probably a grandparent owned it, and it was the place of many nostalgic memories? Hmmm.

Kabocha

“5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?” Hmmm, that's hard to say! I think I actually like the latest page a bit -- the middle shot with the cat supplies has a good sense of depth and business. You get a good feel for how much work has been going into prepping the space. http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2782734/page-18/ “6. Who exactly is the person who introduced Myouki and Yumi? What is her end game in helping Myouki to not be forgotten? What do you see her role in the story being later on?” If she's not Myouki's mother, she's another kami with her own interests in seeing Myouki succeed... Maybe she's from Tashirojima. “7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?” I'm actually the most curious about Yumi and our strange disappearing magical lady. I'm just curious to see how that appears... “8. What do you think Myouki’s backstory is? Why is Myouki so out of touch with the human world to the point he’s no longer believed in? Do you think he will come to accept humans by the end of the story?” Myouki... Hm. I feel like he might just be a rural kami or something -- from an area that used to have people, but not so much anymore? And maybe his shrine was out of the way. I think he's just lonely, honestly. Maybe he sees the kami in town who have these huge shrines and is just like T_T about it.

“9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?” I actually really appreciate the attention to Myouki's hakama. Thank you for paying attention to that! “10. How do you think Yumi will get along with the cats that Myouki winds up bringing? Will she be able to care for them all? Additionally, what sorts of personalities do you think the cats might have?” Myouki's gonna bring a bunch of different cats, probably more than a few need some sort of treatment from the vet... They are the cats he needs to get homes, I'm sure. I, too, want to see her handle the biggest asshole of a cat, like Rebel does. :'D “11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.” The screentones are well done, I think. It gives me a nostalgic sort of feeling... Kinda like some of the webcomics I used to read back in the day. It's a very nice feeling, honestly. “12. What sorts of obstacles do you think Yumi will face business wise when it comes to running a cat cafe? Will the gimmick and renovation be enough, or will Yumi still have other challenges ahead of her?” ...Health inspections and food regulations. There's sure to be a licensing issue or something... bureaucracy!!!

Kabocha

I enjoy the overall premise of this comic though... It really makes me wanna go to a cat cafe for real

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What role might Yumi’s friend Mayu have to play in the course of the story? What other sorts of characters do you think we might meet given the premise?

RebelVampire

11) i think the comic's strengths are the attention to detail on the cat related objects. like not just the cats themselves, but the water fountain, the scratching post, etc. it really helps sell the cat aspect of owning a cat cafe and ya, as a cat lover just immediately attracts me as i scream yaay cats. 12) I agree with Kabo that food regulations is gonna be a huge one. And there's probably also other things to consider. Like some cat cafes let ppl adopt the cats from there to give them homes, but that comes with its own legal requirements and such. i also agree with keii that vet bills are gonna factor in too as a business expense. especially if myouki is bringing in strays cause at the very least those strays should probably be neutered and spayed. but the third option im going to add is marketing. cause you can have the best gimmick in all the world, but if you dont work out you marketing plan youre just going to wind up with 0 customers since theres no brand awareness. 13) im just most looking forward to the cafes opening day right now just to see which of these theorized issues is a thing and which arent. and also just to see whether its a big success or a huge failure. cause like i said, marketing is a necessary thing. 14) I think Mayu is going to be a force of support for Yumi, but I also think shes going to be sort of a representation of what can happen to relationships when you focus too much on business and dont find a good life work balance. down the line of course as yumi buries herself more and more into work. as for other characters, i do kind of hope we might meet a grumpy health inspector who hates cats and is just flat out awful to myouki cause that sounds like a challenge of character growth

Kabocha

YEAH. And then Myouki has to learn how to be nice to people in order to get what he wants/needs out of the system... That would honestly be kinda funny.

As far as question 13 -- I think I look forward to seeing all of the cats that show up. :D 14. Mayu... well. I don't know. Maybe eventually she will do something like... help in the cafe? Maybe she ends up being allergic to cats and can't help out. You know, one thing they do around here is they have the cafe part of the cat cafes separate from the... cat area. So you get your food and drinks made, and then you go join the cats afterward, knowing that not all cats are super clean.

Delphina

I could see Myouki being EXCEPTIONALLY OFFENDED that humans don't think cats are clean

Kabocha

Oh, of course he would be! XD "What do you mean, you don't want my friend here dipping his paw in your tea? He cleaned up after the litter box!"

If these cats are anything like mine, it'd be like "NOPE YOUR DRINK NOW, CAT"

Delphina

As far as strengths, I really love the gentle shoujo manga style with the screentoning, it definitely puts me in the frame of mind as to what genre of story to expect and I can tell that's a big inspiration here. I'm not sure what the artist is using to make this or if she's working with a pressure sensitive stylus, but I can see hints of spot blacks and line weight variation on different panels creeping in http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2749987/page-13/ and I'd really love to see more done in that direction, because I think line thickness and variation is pretty important when you're working in greyscale.

ankoart

Ahhh, I've been intending to add some responses to all the wonderful discussions going on here, but was having some computer issues over the weekend! Finally got that figured out so here I go~!

ankoart

@RebelVampire -I'm never sure which characters people are going to respond to, so I'm really happy to hear people are intrigued by the mystery customer. I can't wait to hit a chapter where she gets to return and shine! -You understand Myouki really well too! -I've had lots of fun looking up different cat breeds to add variation to the cats that will be joining the cafe. I agree that all cats are great, but it's also nice to stray away from the ones you usually see. -Poor Yumi already has Myouki to deal with, but who knows, there may be a cat out there that causes her even more grief! -Designing all the cat themed things has been so fun! It's basically just an excuse for me to design things I wish I owned, lol -There's def a LOT more that goes into running a cafe than just showing up to work, and I'm glad people recognize that! Yumi does her research and prepares best she can, but this is new territory and she's on a time limit. Bounds to be a few hiccups as things progress! At least one of the things you mentioned will be popping up within the next couple of chapters! -Yumi's nervous and anxious about opening day too! -Mayu and Yumi's relationship has definitely shifted since they graduated high school. The current story doesn't highlight much of that yet, but we may get more notes about some of Yumi's friends as things continue... <3 -A grumpy health inspector would be hilarious!

keii4ii

“It's basically just an excuse for me to design things I wish I owned, lol” Are you secretly a cat

ankoart

@keii4ii -Funding is huge issue, and the cafe was losing profits when the story started! Yumi would never have been able to do something like this without help. The mysterious customer is helping her pay for this, but that's only mentioned briefly here: http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/comics/2735609/page-21/

lol, I'm a lover of cats (>w<)

Also I enjoy spoiling my own kitty

ankoart

@Kabocha -Oh man Yumi getting turned into a cat would be fun though. She'd probably be adorable! -Yumi and Myouki need a get-along sweater, haha. At least Yumi is trying her best. -Y'all are boosting Myouki's ego way too much, lol. He's going to feel honored to be so many people's favorite. -The cafe is def a source of fond memories for Yumi. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the past. Like moving out of your home, and seeing it turn into somewhere you don't even recognize anymore. It's kind of a sick feeling. Yumi's not ready for that. -Gosh I'm so happy people like the latest page. There's a lot of panels coming up where I poured in hours of work just to try and level up the art in the comic! -TASHIROJIMA! It' a dream of mine to visit there someday, haha. -Clearly I need to bring back our mystery lady sooner rather than later~ her interactions with Yumi are really fun. -I think he's just lonely, honestly Aww, this pulled on my heartstrings. Myouki's definitely struggling with the grief of being forgotten by humanity right now. -Thank you for noticing Myouki's hakama! Not many people know about them I think, haha. I've always wanted to own or wear one. (Maybe I should make purchasing one a goal for this year!) -lol looks like "asshole cat" is gonna need to be a thing! -I feel like I'm failing to use screen tones well lately, but knowing people appreciate them is so encouraging! I'm gonna try and study more techniques and up my game! -Oh the bureaucracy of it all~! -More cats more cats! -Mayu coming to help out in a cafe would certainly be adorable~! We'll see how things go! Also please go to a cat cafe if you can, they are so much fun! And haha, Myouki would get VERY offended if people suggested his cats were too dirty to be in the same area as humans who are eating. Human's are way less clean than cats are.

Kabocha

Hey, as a fellow screentone user, I definitely appreciate when they're used effectively by other folks!

Also, regarding Asshole Cat being a thing -- YES Even if they're a friendly sort of jerk of a cat... You know, the sort of cat who has to lay on your favorite coat as you're getting ready to leave... and put hair all over it... Or, they eat a treat, only to get sick all over the rug you just cleaned OR, the perennial favorite: Knocking stuff off shelves.

ankoart

@Delphina -Myouki will challenge anyone who calls his cats dirty. How dare they! -I'm so happy the shoujo feel carries through! I ink everything by hand using a maru pen. (That's also why there's sometimes spots or grit stuck on the page, haha. So hard to keep it clean!) Right now I've been focusing on getting really thin, delicate lines, so there hasn't been a ton of variation, but I hope once I master that gentle look I can ease back into more variation on line widths!

@Kabocha I used to tone by hand, so getting to play with it digitally is so much fun! But I also sometimes get stumped as to how to approach things, lol. Knocking stuff off shelves is the best asshole cat move, I love it so much.

Kabocha

Oh gosh, I can't imagine toning by hand in this day and age. T_T It's so expensive... plus it's like AAAAAA ALL THAT TIME But it can be a challenge to figure out the right approach. ...Gradients. Gradients are very helpful for this. XD

When in doubt, slap a gradient on it! (don't actually do that, it's bad advice) Regardless, I'm looking forward to seeing where Catcha goes -- it's very cute!!

ankoart

lol it's bad advice but I def am guilty of it!!!

Kabocha

Me toooooo

ankoart

And thank you! Going for that cute factor >w<

Kabocha

As kind of a final word... I wanna tell you, Anko, to keep having fun with this! I think your enthusiasm really shines through, and it's heartwarming. I look forward to seeing what you do in the future with this comic, and any others you choose to work on!

ankoart

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! This whole chat has been really encouraging, and those words mean so much to me! I want to create something that is just fun and calming to read, and heart-warming for anyone who enjoys it. I'll keeping working hard to achieve that!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Catcha this week! Please also give a special thank you to Anko for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Catcha, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://catcha.smackjeeves.com/

Anko’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ankoart

Anko’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/AnkosArt

[ladyloveandjustice]

Running the Gauntlet: A Complete Natsume Yuujinchou Oneshot Fic

My full fanfic based on the idea I had in this post about Natsume's running abilities making his life at school difficult that blew up.

Includes a couple silly footnotes! ao3 link here if you want to leave kudos

Thank you to @schrodingersauthorii for saying something in the comments to my post that inspired parts of this!

Running the Gauntlet

“I wish Natsume wasn’t our anchor,” a classmate with a sour face and square glasses complained.

Natsume flinched. It’s not like I wanted to be, he thought glumly. He pretended he hadn’t heard, hunching over and tying this shoe. So many students and teachers milling around on the grass, waiting for the big event, whoever it was probably hadn’t noticed he was nearby.

But then, Nishimura’s response made him feel even worse.

“Man, shut up. You haven’t really seen Natsume run. He’s friggin’ fast. We’re lucky to have him.”

Natsume appreciated Nishimura standing up for him, but inwardly he was screaming at him to please stop talking about this.

Then Kitamoto chimed in, “Yeah, one of the first times we saw him outside of school, he basically dashed out of the woods at warp speed. So don’t be rude.”

He saw Kitamoto glance quickly at him, clearly aware might be in earshot.

“Fast? Come on you two, I know he’s your friend, but the guy is sickly. You’re expecting me to believe someone who collapses every other day is a good runner? I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, I’m just not counting on him to win this”. The classmate, who rarely spoke to Natsume, adjusted his glasses.

“You’ll see,” Nishimura said smugly.

Natsume groaned inwardly, straightening up.

He eyed the various students hanging out in different colored headbands, the boy handing out water bottles from the tent, and some teachers talking off to the side.  There was even a chattering crowd on the small set of bleachers. A crowd that included parents.

But worst of all was the looping black track, sizzling in the sun before him. He, Nishimura, and the rest who’d been chosen for the relay race would be lining up on it soon.

He hated Sports Day.

To be fair, this was his least hated sports day so far. He’d never actually experienced sports day while having friends before. When he was a kid, he could expect being pushed to the ground and mocked, or having classmates complaining loudly to teachers about being paired up with the liar. Best case scenario was he’d merely have to feel lonely as he was left out of class celebrations, watching parents and friends cheer others on when there was no one to cheer for him.

But this year he’d been able to cheer wildly for Taki during the bean bag toss, laugh at Tanuma as he was forced to dance awkwardly with the rest of his class during their group performance, and smile as Tanuma got some sweet revenge by beating him at the scavenger hunt. He’d gotten to high five Kitamoto and Nishimura after every victory, and even Sasada once.

So many parents being here was still a little intimidating, though. He kept expecting one of them to yell at him to get away from their kid, even though he knew it wasn’t like that anymore. The Fujiwaras hadn’t been able to come, as they had a relative’s wedding to attend today. Natsume hadn’t even told them today was sports day, because he didn’t want them to feel bad about it. He was also kind of relieved they couldn’t come, because he would have been even more nervous if they were watching.

Overall, it had been a good day. He was basically enjoying himself.

But there was no getting over the dread of his biggest obstacle yet—the relay race. He was really going to have to pay attention to his running. It was such a tough balance…he didn’t want to let down the class, but he also needed to think of…

“Natsume, are you okay?” He blinked, noticing Sasada was suddenly next to him. “You were spacing out a bit.”

“I’m fine! Actually, are you okay?” She looked pale, and she kept fiddling with her glasses. It was strange to see her without the usual air of confidence.

“I’m nervous,” she admitted. She’d been chosen for the relay race too, and was looking at the track with almost as much trepidation as he was.

“Sasada! Natsume!”  Nishimura ran forward before Natsume could reassure her. “It’s all up to us!”

“Yay,” Sasada said blandly.

“What’s wrong, Sasada?” Nishimura grinned smugly at her “Worried you’re gonna be the sports day cliché?”

“The…what?”

“You’ve seen it on TV, right? In anime and stuff? There’s always the one person who trips during the relay race. They scramble to their feet, tears in their eyes, and pass off their baton…” Nishimura imitated the gesture dramatically. “But don’t worry! You can trip all you want, I’m so fast it won’t matter! No need to be nervous!”

Sasada shook her head, putting her glasses back on. “You know what, your stupidity has calmed my nerves a bit, thank you,”

“Glad to be of service.”

---

Considering all that, Natsume wasn’t exactly surprised when Nishimura was the one who tripped.

Natsume winced when his friend went down, hoping he wasn’t hurt. It would be okay, right? Nishimura was so good-humored. This wasn’t a big deal or anything. He’d just laugh it off and…

Nishimura stumbled up, his knee bleeding, his face burning with shame. Natsume could see his eyes were brimming with tears. Of course he was devastated. Nishimura may act carefree, but he hated letting people down.

Natsume sighed.

Fine then.

“Nishimura!” He called out, offering his hand. “Don’t give up! I’ve got this!”

Nishimura’s face lit up instantly. He jogged as fast as he could and slammed the baton in Natsume’s hand. Natsume faced forward. The others had a massive head start, but that wasn’t enough to make him give up.

A yokai is chasing me, he told himself. A big one with sharp teeth.

And next thing he knew, he was crossing the finish line.

Cheers exploded around him as the other runners caught up, lagging after him. And then, suddenly, what seemed to be the entire class was rushing towards him. He had to resist the urge to put his hands up defensively.

Nishimura slammed into him from the side, embracing him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was whooping and laughing. Heat spread up Natsume’s neck and face. It was the first time Nishimura had ever full-on hugged him. Or cried so openly in front of him. He knew it was considered fine for guys to cry and hug only when it involved sports for some reason, but it was still a surprise.  He wasn’t used to that kind of intimacy. Not that it was bad. It was kind of nice.

 The rest of his class gathered around him, yelling things like “way to go” and “that was amazing!” Even Sasada, her face still red and sweaty from her run, was screaming her head off and jumping up and down. Kitamoto clapped Natsume on the back and soon several classmates followed suit. Natsume was sure a red handprint was permanently etched on his back now.

“Dude, I knew you were fast, but I didn’t know you were that fast!!” Nishimura yelled through his tears.

“Seriously, do you have a secret running regimen I don’t know about, or is it just natural talent?” Kitamoto said.

Natsume heard some more cheering explode behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see an uncharacteristically excited Tanuma waving at him from the other side of the track, “Congrats, Natsume!”

“Tanuma, you could at least… pretend to care… that our class lost,” said the boy Natsume had gone up against, still doubled over and panting.

“Sorry.”

There was loud whistle from the stands and Natsume saw it came from Taki. The girl next to her had covered her ears. Taki didn’t notice, and let out another impressively strong blast, waving at him. She removed her knuckles from her mouth and shouted “Woo, Natsume!”

Natsume was torn between being happy his friends supported him and so embarrassed he could die.

“I owe you an apology, Natsume,” said the boy with the glasses, whoever he was.

“Hell yeah you do!” Nishimura responded.

“Nishimura…” Kitamoto’s said scoldingly, his eyes flicking to Sasada.

“Ah…I’m sorry too, Sasada,” Nishimura said sincerely. “You really showed me.” (Sasada had been fast enough to give Nishimura a head start, as Natsume suspected she would be, she’d certainly caught up to him out of nowhere plenty of times in the early days of their relationship).

Sasada wasn’t listening, she was looking at a fit girl with short black hair from another class, who was also still panting from the race. “How about that, Chiyo!” she called over to her.

“You win this one, but I’ll get you next time, Jun! Just you wait!” Chiyo called with a matching huge grin and an excited look in her eyes. For some reason Sasada blushed delicately in response*.

“Okay, okay, give him some room to breathe,” Kitamoto said, shooing at the others. They all stepped back, though Nishimura remained by Natsume’s side. Natsume was grateful for Kitamoto, he was dizzy and overwhelmed. He’d had no idea races like this were such a big deal to people. He was more grateful than ever the Fujiwaras weren’t here to add on to all this.

“Look Natsume!” Sasada had finally torn her eyes away from the other girl and was pointing at the stands. “Even the track coach looks impressed!”

“No wonder, you’re faster than half her team,” Kitamoto said. “Bet she tries to recruit you!”

Natsume’s stomach dropped like a stone. Indeed, the track coach, a woman with short dark brown hair and sharp eyes, was looking at him with interest. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. His personal hell had returned. Had winning a measly race been worth it?

Natsume looked over at Nishimura, who was still jumping up and down and hollering about how he was going to treat Kitamoto, Sasada and Natsume to some manju, not even minding when Kitamoto snarked at him about it how it must be a cold day in hell if the man who sponged off everyone was paying the tab for once. He flashed Natsume another ecstatic grin, and Natsume smiled back.

Yeah, it had been worth it.

--

Natsume had experienced a lot of reoccurring horrors, but the most annoying of them was being hounded by track coaches at every school he went to.

Apparently, spending most of his life running from yokai had made him faster than the average person. He’d been unaware of this until his first year of middle school. When it came time to run the track, Natsume had heard whispers around him, a couple of the kids placing bets on when he’d collapse. One boy had even smacked him on the shoulder and screamed “The liar’s gonna come in dead last!” in his ear.

Natsume hadn’t really done much racing against other kids on the playground, and he’d been sick during a lot of gym classes, so he’d also figured he’d struggle against the other kids. It had completely shocked everyone, himself included, when he blew past them all with ease. He’d reached the finish line only to find the other kids several feet behind him, panting and gawking.

The gym teacher’s eyes had gone wide, and he’d immediately started urging Natsume to join the track club. The man had even gone to Natsume’s current guardians about it.

His guardians had resented that he was getting attention while their real kid was an overlooked benchwarmer on the baseball team. They’d thrown lots of snide comments Natsume’s way. And…well, he hadn’t had a good time on the track team at all. When he’d inevitably had to move again after those same guardians got tired of him, leaving the track club behind had been the silver lining.

Upon transferring to a new school, he’d decided to keep his speed under wraps. But then a coach noticed him running when he was late for class one day and his troubles started all over again. At first he’d avoided the coach by coming up with excuses about responsibilities or detention or headaches, but eventually he was just reduced to hiding under the bleachers when he saw the man.

At another school, a coach tried to recruit him for her team SO aggressively he’d made the stupid mistake of running away when he saw her—and naturally, seeing how fast he could book it had just increased her interest.

So, when he was gathering up all the extra water bottles from the hydration station tent at end of the day, and saw the track coach approach him, his heart started pounding, He fought back his urge to bolt, even a flashbacks filled his brain.

“Natsume, right? I’m Sakuragi, if you don’t remember." The woman had a wide, genuine smile. He’d only spoken to her a few times, but he was pretty sure she was Taki’s homeroom teacher. “You showed some impressive hustle today! Have you ever thought of joining the track team?”

Fortunately, Natsume had his excuses pre-prepared. “Oh wow, that’s such an honor, Sensei!” He said, continuing to gather up the water bottles while still maintaining polite eye contact. “But, you see, I get sick very easily, so joining a team is a bad idea. I’d just end up being absent a lot, and I’d let the team down.”

“That’s not a problem.” To his horror, the teacher bent down and started picking up the water bottles herself.

“You don’t have to trouble yourself—” He began quickly, but she cut him off, saying “ I’d never require you to come in when you’re not feeling well. You wouldn’t need to worry about calling out sick. We’re a fairly large team, so other students can easily sub in for you if you can’t make a race.”

What kind of laid back track team was this? Never mind, Natsume had a backup excuse. “Well, that’s great, but I’m also concerned about making trouble for my foster parents. It’s a lot to ask them, and I don’t want to put them out. I’d be around to help them less. They’d have to pay for expenses, like when overnight trips at the inn when we go to other towns, or shoes—”

“The school supplies the shoes and other essentials, and we can cover trip expenses if need be. Also, I chat with Ms. Fujiwara at the grocery store often, and she loves bragging about you. I can’t see her turning down a chance for you to develop your skills and enjoy some team spirit!”

Natsume looked down at his shoes, sure that he was tomato red right now. Touko bragged about him? What did he even do worth bragging about? “He only missed ten days of class this month”? “His grades were perfectly mediocre again”? “He hasn’t come home covered in dirt in a while”? “He made five whole friends at school, somehow?”*

Still, through his embarrassment, he felt a little warm inside. She was proud of him. It was a still a new feeling, and he wasn’t sure what to do with this strange, shy happiness.

“Natsume?” The coach’s voice snapped him back to reality. “Is there anything else bothering you, or would you like to come do a practice session with us? If you don’t like it, you don’t have to join. I’ll respect your decision.”

“I…” Natsume was searching for another excuse.  

 Nishimura jogged up. “Natsume, do you need any—" He noticed who Natsume was talking to and his eyes widened. “Oh, sorry to interrupt, Sensei! Natsume, are you being recruited? That’s so cool!”

“Ah, you were his teammate today, right?” Sakuragi smiled at Nishimura kindly.

Nishimura flushed a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, Natsume really saved me out there. He’s a dependable guy! And he’s a great runner!”

Nishimura flashed a grin at Natsume, who was wishing he had telepathy so he could tell him to stop. He tried to send a signal by shaking his head slightly, but Nishimura wasn’t looking now.

“Well, that definitely sounds like track team material,” Sakuragi said jovially. She turned to Natsume. “Looks like your friends vouch for you. But it’s up to you, Natsume. Would you mind just stopping by?”

Natsume couldn’t bring himself to directly say no to a teacher in the first place, and now Nishimura and his enthusiasm had been added to the mix. “I’ll give it a try,” he mumbled, forcing a smile.

“Great! Just come to the track after school tomorrow. I think you’ll find it’s a lot more fun than you’re thinking.”

Natsume kept the smile fixed on as they carried the water bottles back into school. When the coach departed and they came ouside again, he and Nishimura met Taki and Tanuma. As always, Nishimura immediately started blushing and fidgeting , but as always, Taki failed to notice.

“I saw you with Sakuragi-sensei!” she said with a smile. “Impressing her is a big feat, Natsume! And don’t worry, she’s really nice.” She put her hand on Natsume’s shoulder, and Nishimura let out a strangled squeak. “She won’t get mad at you, whatever you decide.”

“Are you okay?” Tanuma said softly. Clearly both he and Taki had noticed he wasn’t actually happy right now.

“I’m fine,” Natsume said, letting the fake smile drop away and replacing it with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll just check it out. No big deal.”

---

“I don’t get why you’re whining so much about it,” Nyanko-sensei said, trotting beside Natsume as he walked to school the next day. “It’s just one measly meeting. What’s so bad about this running team thing anyway?”

“The people who took care of me when I joined the track team the first time were really bothered by it. They didn’t like having to drive me places, or the attention I got—”

“The Fujiwara’s aren’t like that, so that’s a stupid excuse.”

“That’s true, but it’s more than that,” Natsume sighed. “Last time, I was constantly late or absent. A yokai would attack me or I’d get sick...”

“Wimp.”

“Shut up, Sensei. Anyway, whenever that happened, the coach yelled at me for flaking out. I let everyone down.”

“But this woman said it doesn’t matter if you’re sick and can’t come, right?”

“She says that now, but she might change her mind,” Natsume mumbled.

“You’re so gloomy,” Nyanko-sensei shook his head. “It’s annoying.”

“Look, even if what she says is true, my teammates probably won’t like me. They didn’t last time. And I just…I just hated the feeling of all those people looking at me.”

He’d struggled a bit with just the sports day crowd watching him, but being on a real team was a million times worse. All those people judging, all their hopes riding on him not messing up… He shivered, remembering the way his skin had crawled, the way his breathing turned funny, the way his hands had shook. All those eyes on him…the weight of their gaze had made him want to curl up so small they couldn’t see him anymore.

“And there’s the actual reason. You’re bad with other people and you get stage fright. Boring.” Sensei yawned. “Just get over it. You have yokai trying to eat you all the time, why’s this scary?’

“I’d rather deal with yokai than the track team,” Natsume said emphatically.

Nyanko-sensei scoffed.

“A couple years ago there was this coach who was always chasing after me to recruit me. I was running from her, trying to get off school grounds so she couldn’t follow me, but then I saw that there was this huge yokai on the path out of school. Big fangs, sharp teeth, claws, all that.  I’d have to double back to avoid it, and the coach would catch me. So… I took the better option, and I ran past the yokai.”

“Idiot. Did it attack you?”

“I took a swing at me and knocked me out. But because of that the teacher was reprimanded for making the sickly kid collapse and they threatened to fire her if she ever chased a student again. She stopped trying to ask me after that. So it all worked out.”

“I don’t understand humans,” Sensei sighed. “Anyway, I’m in favor of the track team. If it helps you run faster, that means less of you getting snatched by yokai and less work for me.”

“Stop being lazy and trying to skip out on your bodyguard duties, Sensei. Yokai shouldn’t be chasing me down in the first place, it’s your job to take care of them.”

“I’ve got my own life to live! Stop being so selfish!”

“I’m the selfish one?”

They bickered all the way to the school gate, and though Natsume would never admit it to Nyanko-sensei, it did make him feel a lot better.

---

The atmosphere of the meet was a lot nicer than he expected. The other students were kind to him, many complementing them on his sports day performance. The team members and Coach Sakuragi were less, well, mean to each other than the team he’d briefly been part of, cheering each on rather than acting sullen when anyone outperformed them. The coach at his old school had always responded to any mistake with a torrent of frustrated criticism that made Natsume tremble in shame. But Sakuragi never acted disappointed or angry. She came off like she was giving friendly suggestions, and she pointed out what they were doing well at lot too. The team responded to her advice eagerly, rather than fearing her.

It was nice, and Natsume almost wished he was the kind of person who could be a part of this. But he knew himself too well. He’d feel terrible each time he missed out due to being sick or waylaid by yokai. And that would happen a lot. The nicer these people were, the worse he’d feel about letting them down. It didn’t matter if they were fine with it, he wouldn’t be. And to be honest, even if he liked his teammates, he didn’t like thinking about huge crowds watching him, he didn’t like the idea of watching other people cry in frustration when he beat them, any of it.

So when Sakuragi asked him if he wanted to do a practice run with the others, he agreed, all while planning to run much slower than usual. He’d explain to her after that the performance on sports day was a fluke, and he usually wasn’t that fast, and there was no way he’d be able to pull it off consistently. Sakuragi would hopefully stop wanting him to join the team, and even if she still asked him, she and the others wouldn’t feel bad when he turned her down.

He took a deep breath, as he stood at the starting line, closing his eyes and blocking the gaze of Sakuragi and the other students out. If he didn’t imagine a yokai was chasing him, running slower was pretty manageable, and he was experienced enough with doing it in Phys Ed that he knew he could pull it off without looking like he was holding back. It would be fine. He’d be fine.

He got himself into position, taking off when Coach blasted the whistle. He lagged way behind the others, while doing his best to look like he was really giving his all. It was going pretty well, he thought, until he looped around on the track and saw a yokai directly in his path.

It wasn’t a big one, not even coming up to Natsume’s knee. It was black, so it had blended in well with the track. It was sort of blobby and shapeless in form, like an inkstain, with beady eyes and a wiggly head.

Natsume’s heart raced and his mouth went dry. It might look small, but he knew better than anyone not to trust a yokai’s appearance. It could be dangerous. Was it here to get the Book of Friends, or was it trying to do something to the people here? It didn’t matter. He had to do something. He couldn’t just slow down, that would give it time to attack.

Instead, he vaulted over the creature. His ankle twisted under him when he landed. He fell, knees and hands scraping the ground. He immediately sprang to his feet and ran as fast he could. He had to lead it away from everyone else.

His sneakers pounded on the rubber and intense vibrations raced through him with each step. It felt like his bones were shuddering. Somone was calling his name, but it was muffled and distant, everything was. He has no room in his brain for anything but his goal. I have to protect the people here. I have to protect the Book of Friends. He crossed the finish line and veered into the grass, ready to grab his bag and sprint out of school grounds. But he looked over his shoulder, he saw the blobby yokai hadn’t moved after him at all. It had simply flattened and spread out on the ground. It’s eyes were closed.

Was it…taking a nap?

Relief filled Natsume as he skidded to a stop. Yes, it was sleeping. Its breathing was even, and as sounds came back to him, he could hear some faint snoring. But he also heard something else, which was Coach Sakuragi screaming at him.

“NATSUME! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHY WOULD YOU RUN ON A SPRAINED ANKLE?” She shouted while running toward him.

Sprained…? Natsume looked down and saw his ankle was swelling. Suddenly, intense pain shot through his leg, his ankle folded under him, and he crumpled. Sakuragi caught him under his arms before he could hit the ground. She lifted him up easily.

 Wow, she’s strong, Natsume thought dazedly. Bet I look pretty pathetic right now. He could see students had gathered around to stare at him, expressions worried or shocked. One girl called “Are you okay??”

“Y-yeah,” he said as his mind screamed in humiliation.

Sakuragi could have probably carried him, but thankfully she chose to simply pull his arm over shoulder. “Don’t stand on that ankle, keep it raised.” She commanded. She turned to the cluster of team members. “We need the chairs, the ice bag from the cooler, and the first aid kit. Go get them.”

The student’s responded quickly, three of them running off.

Soon they all came back with all the supplies, including two folding chairs. Sakuragi eased him into a chair. Natsume couldn’t help groaning in pain when a student propped up his leg on the chair in front of him, resting his ankle on a folded towel. Sakuragi quickly cleaned out the minor scrapes on his hands and knees with some medicine.

Natsume hated that he was disrupting the entire track meet and making so many people fuss over him, but he knew protesting would be ungrateful, so he softly thanked the other students instead. They smiled back at him.

Sakuragi placed the ice bag on his ankle. Natsume sighed in relief as the numbing cold broke through the pain.

 Sakuragi bent down to examine his foot. “It don’t think it’s broken, but you’re going to need to check it with a hospital. It’s badly sprained because of all the weight you put on it. Hopefully you didn’t tear the ligament completely.”

“A-a hospital?” Natsume’s stomach dropped. That was really going to worry Touko and Shigeru. He felt so stupid, putting them through all this because a harmless yokai was taking a nap.

Sakuragi straightened up and clapped her hands. “Okay, this isn’t a show, people. Give us some space and get back to practice.”

The team dispersed, and Sakuragi crossed her arms, frowning down at him. Natsume winced, thinking she was going to yell again. Instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “Natsume.” she said calmly. “I don’t understand what you were thinking. This was just a practice run. Your first one, too.  I’ve seen students try to run on injuries before, but this wasn’t even an actual race!”

Natsume’s looked at his ankle, which was rapidly turning purple, burning with shame. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“You don’t have to apologize. I just want to know what’s going on. Why did you run on that ankle?”

“I-I didn’t do it on purpose. It was just kind of…instinct?” Natsume said. He instantly realized that how weird that sounded, and so, apparently, did Sakuragi.

“Instinct?” Her frown deepened and her eyebrows drew together. “Your instinct is to keep running even when you’re hurt?”

“No, no, it’s not like that, I’m just used to—!” He snapped his mouth shut.

What was wrong with him? He was usually better at covering things up. He’d almost said he was used to having to run while injured. He’d twisted his ankle running from yokai plenty of times, and at some point he’d learned to just block out the pain until he got to safety. But obviously he couldn’t tell the coach that.  He desperately searched for another way to end the sentence, but before he could, the coach bent over, looking him directly in the eye.

“Natsume, you looked very frightened when that “instinct” kicked in. Like you were being chased down. Are you used to being chased? Is it something that happens a lot?”

Natsume’s blood froze. Did she know? Why? How? What was going on? His ankle was throbbing so badly now, it was hard to think the haze of pain. His breathing got faster, his ears buzzed… He had to say something, anything to throw her off…

 Sakuragi put her hand gently on his shoulder, “Natsume, you can tell me anything. Is it someone who goes to this school? Or even more than one person? Have they been hurting you? I know it’s scary to talk about it, but I promise I can help--”

Natsume’s shoulders slumped as relief flooded him. She’d was asking if people were chasing him. Obviously she’d meant people.  What was wrong with him? Sure, his ankle felt like it was being hit repeatedly with a giant hammer, but that was no excuse to lose his head.

Doing his best to come off as relaxed, he said “Oh, It’s not like that, Sensei, you don’t need to worry. People don’t chase me at all anymore.”

Sakuragi narrowed her eyes. “Anymore?”

He clearly should just stop talking forever. Maybe he’d sprained his brain along with his ankle.

Yes, he’d been chased by people, of course he had. And not just enthusiastic track coaches. He’d had to run away from plenty of classmates looking to teach the liar a lesson. Running from bullies was usually a lot easier than running from most yokai though, since people eventually tired out. He’d only been caught a few times.

At least this slip up didn’t put his secret in danger, it just made every inch of him cringe. He didn’t want to talk about any of this with her. But he had to make her understand everything was okay. Even if it meant embarrassing himself.

“Sensei, ever since I moved here, things have been so much better. People are so kind to me, my friends are amazing, the Fujiwaras are so warm and giving…” He ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I feel like I belong here. Actually belong. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be….”

Sakuragi was listening to him intently, and when he trailed off, she smiled at him. “I’m glad to hear that. Sorry for the interrogation.”

She took some bandages out of the first aid kit and started wrapping his ankle with a steady practiced hand. “It sounds running is really connected to some… difficult experiences for you. I’m a teacher who’s supposed to look out for you. I shouldn’t have pressured you to run. I should have listened and understood your feelings. I apologize.”

“No no, it’s not your fault Sensei, you’re honestly the nicest track coach I’ve ever—"

But his reassurance was cut off by a shout, “Natsume! What happened?!”

Natsume looked over his shoulder, and saw Nishimura, Tanuma, Taki, Kitamoto and Sasada all coming around the corner of school building

 What the heck are they doing here? His stomach dropped at the expressions of worry on their faces. Nishimura led the pack as they rushed toward him.

“How did you get hurt already?!” Nishimura exploded the second he was within talking range. “It’s been fifteen minutes since school let out! Fifteen! I bet you were doing some kind of crazy thing again, don’t you realize-?”

“Nishimura, calm down,” Kitamoto said, smacking his arm. “But seriously, Natsume, what happened?”

“I—"

“Did somebody trip you?” Sasada asked, fixing the scattered team members with a hawklike glare while they looked baffled in response.  “Are there bullies here?”

“No—”

“It’s not broken, is it?” Nishimura was wincing as he looked at the ankle. “It looks so swollen—”

“Guys!” Taki cut him off. “Why don’t we stop freaking out and let Natsume get a word in edgewise?”

“Well said. I know you’re worried, give him the chance to explain,” Sakuragi said in a slightly amused tone.

Nishimura, Sasada, and Kitamoro jolted, like they hadn’t noticed the teacher before.

“Sorry, Sensei,” Sasada said immediately, bowing her head,

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to yell at you, Natsume,” Nishimura mumbled.

Tanuma, who’d been quietly watching, stepped up and put his hand on Natsume’s shoulder. It was a timid, gentle touch, but Natsume could feel the weight of Tanuma’s concern through it. He smiled reassuringly at him, and then looked at the others.

“I just tripped, guys, that’s really all. I was doing a practice run and I stumbled and twisted my ankle. Though I, uh, also…” He was going to freak them out if he told them he’d kept running on it, and he wasn’t sure how he’d explain it, but—

“He also bumped it a bit while I was guiding him to his chair,” Sakuragi cut him off, giving him a small smile. “That one was my fault.”

Natsume blinked at her, shocked she’d covered for him. She shook her head at him slightly as if to say ‘Just this once’.

“See, Nishimura?” Kitamoto elbowed him. “You of all people can’t be mad at him for tripping!”

“Yeah…” Nishimura said sheepishly.

“No, I’m really sorry for worrying you all,” Natsume said, guilt racing through him. “But, uh, what are you guys even doing here?

“We wanted to support you. The plan was just to meet you when you were done and walk home together,” Taki said.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you before,” Tanuma squeezed Natsume’s shoulder slightly, looking bashful. “You just seemed kind of stressed about it, and I was a little… It was a last minute decision. I was thinking if you wanted to, we could even hang out at my place. I probably overstepped.”

‘It was one of those times his friends' kindness and care filled him up so much he thought he would burst. Those times where he  wondered how he’d found people like them after all these years. When he ached to give them even a fragment of what they’re given him.

“No…” Natsume said, hoping he didn’t sound choked up, “No, I would have liked that, thanks.”

“That’s really sweet,” Sakuragi said with a grin, resuming with wrapping Natsume’s ankle. But then her grin dropped, and she looked at Nishimura questioningly. “Does he get hurt a lot?”

“Kind of. It’s all because he’s reckless, Sensei. He doesn’t think things through!”

“A lot of time he’s trying to help someone, though,” Tanuma said hastily. “It’s not his fault, really.”

 “You always go way too easy on him, Tanuma. But yeah, he’ll do things like shove a girl out of the way when a bunch of heavy boxes are falling on her and get conked in the head. He’s too good a guy—"

“Come on, you’re embarrassing him,” Taki admonished, which immediately silenced Nishimura.

Sakuragi seemed to relax at this, and she finished up wrapping Natsume’s ankle. “Okay! Now, can one of you go fetch crutches from the nurse’s office?” Sakuragi took a key out of the first aid box and tossed at Nishimura, who caught it with a startled expression. Kitamoto went with him. Sasada looked around awkwardly, and then did a double take.

“Chiyo, what are you doing here?” Sasada’s hand immediately jumped to her hair, and she started twirling a lock around her finger.

The short-haired girl walked up, wiping her neck with a towel and flashing Sasada a crooked grin. “The track team lets me practice with them sometimes. Gotta train to beat you next time. What this I hear about you threatening everyone and calling them bullies?”

“I didn’t—”

“Oh, now I remember, Natsume, that’s your friend, no wonder you were all aggro!”  Chiyo waved at Natsume, who waved awkwardly back. “Sorry she’s so overprotective, man. She means well.”

“You—come on!” Sasada grabbed the other girl’s hand and dragged her away. Chiyo looked unreasonably happy about this.

Sakuragi had stepped away to chat with some other students too. Taki squatted next to Natsume and Tanuma leaned closer to him.

“Was there yokai trouble?” Tanuma whispered.

Natsume shook his head. “Not really. I basically overreacted. I saw a little yokai on the track, freaked out because I thought it was dangerous, and tripped. It’s harmless, though. It was just napping. I feel pretty stupid.”

“Did anyone notice anything?”

“Yeah, they noticed I was acting really weird. Especially Coach Sakuragi. She’s…intense.”

“Oh, I should have warned you about that,” Taki sighed. “It’s really hard to keep a secret from her, especially if she thinks you’re struggling. Her heart’s in the right place, though.”

Natsume nodded. “I can tell. I feel bad that I worried her. I ended up saying some bizarre things while I was trying to throw her off. I think she thinks I’m traumatized from my childhood or something now.”

Tanuma cleared his throat and looked away. Taki studied her shoes carefully.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Natsume asked, trying to figure out if he’s said anything strange.

“Nothing,” Taki said quickly. “Hey, what does the little yokai look like?”  She looked off in the wrong direction.

 “Oh, uh…kind of blob-like…” he squinted at the sleeping yokai, examining it more closely. “Oh wow, I couldn’t pick it out before but it has ears actually, Oh, they’re kind of shaped like cat ears…”

Takis gasped excitedly “Is it cute?”

“Uh…maybe ugly cute?”

“Then it’s cute,” Taki said firmly. “I wish I could see it.”

Natsume suddenly realized that it was probably for the best Taki couldn’t see yokai, otherwise she’d be terrorizing every weird looking little monster non-stop.

Tanuma looked around at the team members looping the track, as others chatted and laughed on the sidelines. “Were you having a good time with everyone? You know, before everything happened?”

“Yeah…it was nice. Everyone was really great. I feel bad I ruined things.”

“You didn’t—"

“We’re back!” Kitamoto and Nishimura arrived carrying the crutches.

A shock of pain went up Natsume’s leg like lightning when Tanuma and Sakuragi eased him onto his crutches, but he gritted his teeth, refusing to cry out. He couldn’t worry everyone even more.

“Okay, you’re good to go now," Sakuragi said to him. "But make sure your parents to get you checked at the hospital right away. I will be asking Ms. Fujiwara about that our weekly grocery store chats.”

Natsume nodded meekly, filled with dread at the thought of Touko’s panic and distress. At the same time, he noticed she’d called the Fujiwaras his parents…not foster parents or guardians…just parents. It kind of felt nice. Really nice.

Sasada was still talking with Chiyo, laughing and swatting at her playfully. She noticed that Natsume was up, and reluctantly pulled away, giving Chiyo’s hand a quick squeeze before she left.

Sakuragi smiled as Sasada rejoined the group, observing all of Natsume’s friends clustered around him. “Take care of him, all right?”

“Don’t worry, Sensei, we won’t let anything happen to him,” Nishimura said confidently.

“We’ve got his back!” Kitamoto assured her.

“He helps us a lot. It’s the least we can do.” Tanuma chimed in unexpectedly.

“Of course!” Sasada and Taki finished things off.

Natsume stared at the ground, hoping nobody could see the expression on his face. Taki patted him on the back.

“You’re right, you do have good friends.” Sakuragi ruffled Natsume’s hair. “Do you need me to get you a ride home? Or can your parents come get you?”

“Oh, it’s fine, I can just walk.”

“You’re seriously going to try to hobble all the way to the Fujiwaras?” Taki asked severely.

“Okay, maybe to the bus stop…”

“That’s not coming for another hour.” Sasada tapped her watch. “You can’t wait that long.”

“The Fujiwaras don’t have a car, right?” Nishimura said. “My parents have a car, and Mom should be home. I’ll call her to pick us up.” He pulled out his cellphone, glaring at it. “If I can ever get service in this stupid town…can’t believe I begged for a phone and it’s useless…”

“Nishimura, no, I don’t want to drag your Mom into this…” Natsume said in a panic. “I really can just—”

“Natsume.” Tanuma said quietly but firmly, holding out his arm in front of him before he could hobble away. Natsume’s voice died in his throat.

“My Mom would be mad at me if I didn’t call her about this” Nishimura held his phone high in the air, face screwed up in concentration.

“Oh yeah, that’s right, you get your nosiness from her,” Kitamoto said lightly.

“Man, shut up. Aha! I got some bars!”  And just like that, Nishimura was on the phone with his Mom, and Natsume could do nothing to protest it.

Sakuragi laughed and started to turn away. “Great, I’ll see you—"

“Sensei, wait,” Natsume called quickly.

 She stopped, looking at him questioningly.

“I just wanted I wanted to say, I did have fun here. And, well, I don’t think I can join the team but…would it be all right if I came here once in a while? Just to practice, or I could help with whatever… unless that’s…"

Sakuragi’s face split into a huge grin. “Of course, Natsume! Just having someone like you to race against is a huge help! But are you sure you--?”

Natsume nodded. “I want to.”

“Well then, do your best to heal up and we’ll look forward to seeing you.”

Nishimura got off the phone. “Mom said to wait out front. We'll head to the bench just outside the entrance.”

Waving goodbye to Sakuragi, Natsume’s friends flanked him as he slowly made his way around the school building.

“I’m happy for you, Natsume,” Taki said.

“Yeah, that’s cool that you'll have a place to practice!” Kitamoto agreed.

Thanks,” Natsume said. “I’m sorry I ruined the plans to get snacks and hang out…but maybe we could do it another time? Touko would probably be okay with you all coming over.”

“Of course!”

They all busied themselves planning  the get-together until they reached the bench out front, though Nishimura was oddly quiet.

After Natsume sat down, his friends gave their well wishes and reminded him to check in with them after the hospital, before dispersing to walk home. Taki caught up with Sasada and as they walked away, Natsume heard her say “So you and that Chiyo girl, huh? Do I detect some romance?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sasada said primly.

“Come on, it’s me. Come over to my place and tell me all about it.

“Fiiiine, if I must.”

Natsume laughed slightly. He looked over at Nishimura to see his reaction, but for once in his life, he didn’t seem interested in what Taki was doing. He was staring stonily into the distance.

“Nishimura, is something wrong--?”

“I’m sorry, Natsume,” he said abruptly, still not really looking at him.

“Huh? What are you sorry about?” He wondered if Nishimura was still feeling guilty about yelling earlier, and was prepared to reassure him, but—

“You’re hurt because of me.”

“What? What are you even talking about?” Natsume couldn’t help but laugh but stopped when Nishimura glared at him.

“It’s because of me. You don’t like  running in front of people, I know that, but then you had to because I screwed up. And when you were talking to the coach, I could tell you were nervous, I could tell you didn’t want to go. And instead of returning the favor and helping you, I pushed you to do it anyway.” He put his head in his hands. “It was such shitty thing to do.”

“Nishimura, come on, you didn’t--

“I did. You were trying to say no, you can’t pretend you weren’t.” He dragged his hands down his face. “I just…got carried away because you were so cool when you won the race! And you’re kind of down on yourself sometimes,…so I thought maybe if you joined the track team, you’d see how amazing what you can do is and people would see you’re…ugh, it was stupid.”

Natsume’s cheeks burned. “That’s.. it sounds like you were really thinking of me, Nishimura, thank you—"

“No, don’t thank me!” Nishimura said fiercely. “I wasn’t looking out for you or your feelings at all, I just decided what I wanted for you without asking you. And God, I didn’t even think about injuries!”

Natsume stared at him in bafflement. “Why would you need to think about injuries? It’s not like I need special protection. I knew what I was getting into. People get hurt in sports all the time. It’s normal.”

“No, it’s different with you.” Nishimura slammed his hands down on knees, red blotches spreading on his face. “Because when you get hurt, you downplay it or try to hide it, and if you do that in track, it can mess you up for life!” Nishimura was talking faster and faster, the words just pouring out of his mouth. “It’s dangerous because you act like it doesn’t matter, like you don’t matter, and that you don’t get why we all care so much, and I know it’s because you’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to pry, but it makes me so---"

He stopped short, blanching. “Oh shit. I didn’t mean to say all that. U-uh, sorry, just forget it, It’s none of my business…”

A lump formed in Natsume’s throat as shame welled up, hot and bitter on his tongue. “No, I’m sorry, Nishimura,” he said hoarsely. “I didn’t realize you were thinking all that, that you were worried. I never wanted to—”

“Natsume, no, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I know it’s not on purpose, I know it’s not your fault.” Nishimura pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is about me saying sorry, not you. I really am sorry. And I know you told Sakuragi you wanted to come back once in a while because you didn’t want to disappoint her, but you don’t have to go back there, I’ll talk to her—"

“You don’t have to talk to her.” Natsume swallowed his shame for now, determined to set things straight. “I liked the team. I really do want to come back.”

“You don’t have to pretend, I told you, don’t lie if you don’t have to—”

“Nishimura,” Natsume interjected gently, putting his hand on the other boy’s shoulder. Nishimura finally looked over at him, eyes downcast. “It made me really happy. When we won, and everyone was cheering, and I saw how excited you were…I don’t know. Running is just something I do sometimes, and I don’t think it’s special or particularly like it. But being able to help you was the first time I felt like it was something…more.” More than survival. More than something I’m forced to do.

“Really…?” Nishimura hesitated, looking disbelieving.

“Really. And I really am glad I came here. I enjoyed it, you know, until I tripped. But even then, everyone was nice and helped me. It made me want to come back.”

Nishimura stared at him for a while, expression unreadable. Then he sighed and leaned back. “Okay, well, good.” Natsume could see Nishimura’s shoulders slump as the tension drained out of him. “But I still pushed you. You don’t have to make excuses for me. I’m just sorry I did it and I won’t do it again.”

“Okay, apology accepted.”

Nishimura looked startled, like he’d expected Natsume to keep fighting him on this, then his face broke into a grin. “Thanks, man.”

“You don’t have to make excuses for me either. I’m sorry I’ve been stressing you guys out when I get hurt. I’ll stop hiding it or trying to downplay it. I mean, I do want all of you to understand I…” Natsume knew better than to say he was “used to it” now, so he searched around for a less alarming but still honest way to phrase it. “I have a high pain tolerance, so sometimes it really doesn’t seem like a big deal.

“Dude, that doesn’t make me feel better.” He could tell from how Nishimura looked at him he’d heard the “I’m used to it” even though Natsume hadn’t said it out loud.

“No, I know. Look, from now on, I’ll admit when something hurts.” He looked down at his ankle, wincing. “Like my ankle really hurts right now. I don’t want to go to the hospital but I’m kind of looking forward to getting painkillers.” He looked over at Nishimura. “Did that work? Or did it just sound whiney?”

“Nah, you need to whine a little more, man.” Nishimura punched him lightly on the arm. “I’m telling you, it feels good. When I sprained my ankle a couple years ago, I whined to everyone I knew. That whine was weak. Try harder.”

“It’s…uh, agony. I…might die? Was that good.”

“You need to work on your delivery, but it’s a start.”

They both laughed. Just laughing soothed something in Natsume, his stomach unknotted, and his racing heartbeat slowed. His ankle even hurt a little less.

When the laughter settled, Natsume looked down, twisting his fingers in his lap. “Look, I know I… kind of lie and hide things as reflex a lot. But I’ve been trying to be more open with the people I care about.”

Nishimura shrugged. “It’s fine. I mean, Kitamoto and I aren’t that stupid, we know there’s something going on with you, but you can take as much time as you need. I know you must have your reasons.”

“Thanks.”

Nishimura chuckled suddenly, looking past Natsume.

“Uh oh, here comes your cat. He looks mad! It’s almost like he knows something happened.”

Nyanko-sensei was indeed stomping towards them, his eyes narrowed.

“Agh, I’m really in trouble this time,” Natsume said. Nyanko-sensei jumped into his lap, making sure to throw his heavy weight around as he landed. “Oof.”

“Oh, your troubles have just begun. Don’t forget Touko!” Nishimura said cheerfully.

“Like I could.”

“I wouldn’t use the “I could die” line on her, she might believe you.”

“Amazing advice, thank you.”

Nishimura smirked. “I’d tell you to run, but, you know.”

Mmm…” Natsume said, stroking Nyanko-sensei, who was making faint, irritated noises. “That’s okay. There are some things I don’t want to run away from."

---

*Yes Sasada has a sports and academic rival yuri storyline going in the background. Yes I'm being self indulgent. It's what she deserves. I just thought it would be fun and maybe funny. Sasada's having this whole romantic epic while Natsume's worrying about track. *Touko has been bragging about how kind and helpful you are, Natsume, you dummy. And about the garden he made and how it was good it was and other things Natsume does really well he hasn't noticed. She's also probably noticed he's fast and relatively strong for his size, he's always fetching and carrying stuff for her, but Coach thought she was exaggerating. UNTIL NOW. I hope you enjoyed this! It was way longer than I thought it would be. And I wish I could have made it funnier. But I had a fun time with my first Natsume fic!

Here's the ao3 link again: