#might go semi-hiatus again
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who will win, a full grown adult (me) or a smol bacteria lmaooo bc it's beating me in the ass for the past week now huhu im getting "better" at a very very slow rate and it did so much damage at whatever little stamina ive built up in my jp trip
i gotta start working out again and build up a bit of my energy levels (but like...super light workout) or i won't survive the next time i go on a trip to jp. actually, we have a company retreat later this month, i should worry abt surviving that first. then i should also survive my big exam on june too. it's joeverrr
#personal#semi-rant?#but not rlly actually#it's more like a self-callout#take care of ur health guys#don't be like me#the textbook example of the DON'TS in lifestyle/health advices hahaha#for context: im a semi-shut-in and only touch grass for a very few times a month (like when it's rlly necessary e.g. errands/groceries)#what abt work? i work from home.....💀#my room/office also has no windows#lmaoooooo#my health has always been on the verge of being in shambles anyway b4 i got sick but like this rlly did me in for real#ugghhhhhh#im doing light studying rn but i'll need to up the effort on that one soon 🤔#might go semi-hiatus again
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its here
#knox rambles#SO I'M GONNA DISSAPEAR INTO THE VOID UNTIL THE ENGLISH EPISODES COME OUT AGAIN#I'M ALREADY ON SEMI-HIATUS#HECK IT#Monkie Kid Season 4#I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS I JUST FINALLY CHILLED OUT AND NOW THISBGSD;LKFMAWE#I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABOUT COMING OUT OF HIATUS BUT WELP#MIGHT AS WELL STAY HERE CAN'T INTERACT WITH SPOILERS ANYWAY AND THAT'S ALL PEOPLE WILL BE POSTING SO o7 GODSPEED GENTS#i was chill when i heard it was out#then i watched the new intro and THE CHILL IS GONE#I'M FERAL#I'M INSANE I'M GOING BONKERS#THE MONKEY
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Likely gonna go on a semi hiatus for some mental health related reasons
#MUN. ooc#( ive been... really bad at staying in communication with friends and have lost some due to this#and i think a semi hiatus again might help#might go to leaning towards discord rps just for the sake it doesnt feel like here im favoring people#ill still reply to things when i have energy here but its just been not very high )
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I'm still crying 😠
#this is the kind of blow that would have made me actively suicidal a few years ago and yes i realize how stupid that is#as things are now... I'm not coping *well* but I'm managing to hold onto anger so the depression doesn't totally take over#but i can not stop crying#every time i think I'm finally done it starts up again#this has also pushed my anxiety to the point where i feel like I'm going to pass out throw up or both and i can't stop shaking#audiobooks with my noise canceling headphones were my best/only semi-effective tool for dealing with anxiety#and yes i know. reading is a privilege and i should just be grateful that books are available in my country & that we have libraries at all#this year has been one thing after another and even small things like this pile up and eventually become overwhelming#and this happening as my seasonal depression is really ramping up was just the fucking cherry on top i guess#i almost just. deleted this blog lmao. what's the point of having a book blog when i can't really read right?#but i keep telling myself nothing lasts forever and i will regret it if i throw away an 8 year old side blog#but even looking at books is making me feel even more nauseous and shaky right now#so i might be on hiatus after my queue runs out idk#depends on how long this churning pit of despair lasts i guess#and also. this happened at a holiday weekend all i can't even make a 1-2 hour drive to a library to renew or get a new card#because libraries around here close between 4 & 6PM most days and i can't get to one after my partner gets home from work before they close#everything about this situation is like. worst timing.
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As the Ash Cloud Passes Over Ch. 14 🕷️🔥
A mere spark emerging from the sea of fire, dancing through the darkness as light that was needed. The great flames guided his birth, burning into the skin of his heart, coating it gray.
A lost soul, now found by those with bloodstained hands. Yet Spider had been welcomed into the only kindness his life has ever seen. From the depths of the shadows, Spider has become a warrior of the Txepìva clan, and now, his calling is here.
As a human, Spider was weak. But as Ash Na’vi, Trr’ong was capable of things far beyond the comprehension of others. Without one or the other, he is nothing.
It is time he reminded himself of which one he was.
.
...but even a wounded creature conceals its claws in its desires to live, until it can strike. Always be prepared...
He cried out, in shock and in pain. The front kick—his arms blocking an instant too late—sent him flying back to the edge of the circle. He managed to flip backwards to catch himself, but nearly caved in under the jolt of pain that sent shockwaves from the bruise on his lower abdomen, purple skin muddled by bright orange and gray.
DRIP-DRIP
Blood dropped from the injury for a moment, he stopped. His eyes were wide and staring—two brown, reddish holes—studying his brother with a new wariness in the dull glow of the morning sea.
Ch. 14 of the Ash!Na'vi Spider AU takes place the morning after the assault on Awa'atlu. With hundreds of Metk'ayina recovering from the dreaded attack of their mortal enemies, the Txepìva Clan, two particular Omaticayan teens are in the greatest race of their lives, hoping to reach their human-turned-Ash-Na'vi friend before he dissappears from their lives, again.
Kiri and Lo'ak already knew it was never going to be easy to find Spider/Trr'ong. They just didn't think it came with meeting an intense, semi-psychopathic Na'vi with a bit of anger issues, a man coated with enough scars to last at least six lifetimes, and a woman who could melt skin with her gaze alone.
Across the way, Trr'ong is dealing with his own inner turmoil, but...his family of daunting, ashen-skinned Na'vi is with him. He can't leave them, he doesn't want to leave them. When it becomes too much he finds solace in the only comfort that he's ever found...even when it comes at a price.
In other words, my apology after literal 2-month hiatus 😅 I love you guys for all you have done for me, it means so much that you might even bother to read this. But this story is truly a blessing to me, and I only hope you guys enjoy it as I do.
Enjoy! 💙
P.S. Door is still open to any questions, theories, or comments, especially cause I wanna help you guys enjoy it as much as possible
#avatar#miles spider socorro#avatar spider#ash na'vi#ao3#oc#na'vi oc#ash na'vi culture#ash!spider#au#varang
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DAY 1 - The Warmth of a Good Woman
Pairing: Severus Snape x Reader
Rating: 🥰
Prompt: Warmth
A/N: Joining the party a little late but thought I’d give this another go after a longgggg hiatus from this blog.
Warnings: Semi-naked woman?
Word Count: 2133
Credits to Gif Creator.
Not much had changed for Severus in the years since the Second Wizarding War. Yes, the Dark Lord had been defeated and everyone had lost a few friends along the way but ultimately Severus remained in the cold dark of the dungeons grading the papers of Hogwarts students until all hours of the night.
The flicking light of the many candles had dimmed, and the brisk night air was finally starting to get to him. His sallow skin had turned icy and his nose was numb to the elements from being exposed for so long. With a heavy sigh he promised himself he would make his way through one final stack of papers before turning in for the night, distracting himself with his thoughts hoping to speed up the process.
Although his work took its toll on him both physically and mentally, Severus hadn’t chosen to give it up in the aftermath of the war. While he took a short sabbatical to recover from one very nasty snake bite, he soon found himself bored and without purpose now that his reign as double agent was made redundant.
Minerva welcomed him back to Hogwarts with open arms, once again allowing him to do the one thing that truly brought him joy in life, enriching the minds of young witches and wizards through the art of potion making. The professor had never been more thankful of this decision than the day Headmistress McGonagall announced the newest defence against the dark arts professor. She was young and extremely attractively. But she was more than that. There was an aura about her, a positive energy that illuminated every room she entered. With a new outlook on life, Severus allowed finally himself to appreciate the young woman for what she was, a blinding light in his all-consuming darkness. For the first time in his life Severus considered the possibilities a woman like this presented.
Puffing out a breath, watching it turn to smoke as it hit the air, Severus’ mind wandered to the first few weeks of the new teacher’s arrival. While he had allowed himself to admire her from afar, it came as a shock to Severus to find the young witch knocking on his door the following morning, keen to introduce herself.
Sleep deprived and still feeling groggy from his abrupt awakening Snape couldn’t help his old personality from slipping through, despite his conscious efforts to improve himself.
“What do you want.” He grumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“I’m sorry if I disrupted you, Sir – “
“You did.” He interrupted.
“My apologies. My name’s Professor Y/L/N I’m the new defence against the dark arts teacher.”
“I am aware. What I do not know if why you are at my chamber door at 6:30 in the morning.”
“I realise it’s early and this might not have been my best idea, but I wanted to introduce myself to all the faculty before breakfast and as you are the one which I am most eager to meet I thought I’d make this my first stop.”
“How privileged I am.” He couldn’t help himself from moaning. “I’m Professor Snape.”
“Yes, I know” She beamed. Snape was damned if her gleaming smile didn’t melt the ice in heart just a little. “Your contribution to the fight against you-know-who is legendary. Everyone knows who you are. But only a few have the privilege of meeting you. I’m just so glad I get to be one of those select few.”
“I do not respond well to flattery, Miss Y/L/N.” Snape could feel himself growing more uncomfortable by the moment. He didn’t enjoy talking to people he did not know, though even worse than that he loathed people bringing up the part he played in the wizarding wars. They always made him out to be some sort of hero type, that everything he did was brave and completely selfless. This he did not agree with, and therefore chose not to engage with the topic if he could avoid it.
“I’m sorry professor. The main reason I wanted to speak with you this morning was to ask if you had any advice for me.”
“Advice?” His eyebrow quirked up instinctively.
“I’m new to teaching.” She begun to explain. “And more than that I haven’t half the experience in the field of the dark arts that you do. I was hoping we could work together, maybe like a tutoring type of relationship, allowing me to gain some insight on the reality of the subject. All my knowledge is theoretical. I believe it would help the children if they had some real-life skills that they could apply to help them in the future.”
“Theoretical knowledge is all the students shall need. There is no great force of evil out there, the Dark Lord is dead and the Death Eaters have been disbanded. I do not wish to engage with the subject. It is not my job to tutor you. And I do not want to be bothered in my private quarters before the work day. Now goodbye, Miss Y/L/N.”
Y/N could tell she had struck a nerve with Snape, as his face turning a burning shade of red at her request and his chamber door slammed hard in her face, all the while she stood there confused. He wasn’t nearly the heroic selfless man the rumours described. In fact, he was one of the rudest men she had ever encountered. But there definitely was something intriguing about him.
The newest professor did not take no for an answer that first day, and continued to pester Snape with her antics every day after. From baking him cookies, to showing up at his office with a handful of textbooks, the witch was relentless in her pursuit. Though gradually it began to morph from a want of knowledge in the dark arts, to a peaked interest in the man himself. From Snape’s perspective he couldn’t tell whether she was trying to study the man or become his friend, either way Severus was not interested in the slightest.
The professor couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, causing another bought of fog to emerge from his mouth. From day one she had always been a pest, annoying him to no end to get whatever she wanted. He remembered the day he finally caved to her demands.
She had once again turned up at his office, this time after classes had commenced. She hadn’t brought any weapons of manipulation and had yet to mention her plan to collaborate with him. She simply sat in a chair opposite him rambling on about a student in one of her classes who hadn’t quite perfected a spell needed to pass the first assignment of the year.
“Anyway, I’ve tried literally everything with him and he just doesn’t seem to get it. He’s the only one in the class too or I’d be doubting myself, you know, but honestly, he just seems to have the worst luck because I know he’s trying but at this rate I’m scared he’s going to set my classroom on fire when all I’m asking for is a simple flame! I think I’m going to have to switch up my tactics again because I refuse to give up on him.” She huffed.
It dawned on him that this would have been perfect ammunition to guilt him into helping her and her students out, but it seemed this thought had yet to occur to Y/N. Snape wondered if she had truly given up on her quest to get him to help her. If he remembered correctly, it had been a few weeks since she had even brought the subject up. Yet she stilled turned up at his office every day to talk about the most mundane stuff. Y/N didn’t seem to mind that Snape so rarely contributed to their conversations, only offering a nod or a small comment where necessary. He expected she would have gotten bored of his presence by now considering he wasn’t exactly the most exciting man to spend time with but he was glad she stuck around. Severus had grown accustomed to her ramblings and often found himself missing her when she was not around. The thought took him by surprise, he had never dared to acknowledge he might actually enjoy this woman’s company but upon reflection his words rang true. She had embedded her way into his previously regimented routine and it hadn’t upturned his life as he had initially worried.
“I’ll do it.” He blurted, catching her by surprise.
“You’ll do what?” Y/N seemed completely caught off guard by his declaration.
So, she truly wasn’t trying to guilt me. He thought.
“I’ll help you, tutor you in some practical knowledge for you to pass on to your students.”
“You will?” She beamed.
“Yes. Though let’s pray they never need to use it.”
“Oh Severus! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squealed, jumping up from her chair and rounding the desk.
The potion’s master’s body stiffed upon impact as the young professor threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. It took a second but he eventually relaxed into her embrace, no longer denying himself the simple pleasures of affection.
“You’re welcome.” He smiled against her cheek. Amused at the thought that this simple gesture brought this woman so much joy.
“You realise this was all just an excuse to get close to you.” She giggled into his ear.
“I know.” He whispered, closing his eyes and inhaling the fruity scent of her hair.
The memory of that day cheered Severus up slightly, giving him enough motivation to finish up the remainder of his marking and finally escape the ever-dropping temperature of his office. Keeping his head down, he powered through despite his eyes drooping from the lateness of the hour.
“Don’t tell me you’re still in here marking assignments Severus.” The familiar voice drew his attention to the adjoining door. “You should come to bed, it’s late.”
His heart warmed at the prospect of her worrying about him. He never used to have anyone who cared whether he slept or not. It had taken him some time to adjust his routine to suit another person, but sometimes old habits die hard.
“I won’t be long, darling, I’m almost finished. Get out of here before you catch a cold.” He nodded in the direction of the DADA professor, encouraging her to return to their shared chambers. Never one for obeying orders, she made her way across the cold stone floor, dragging Severus’ attention to her bare feet. Despite being worried for her health, Snape allowed his gaze to trail up her seemingly never-ending legs, settling on her exposed thighs. She wore only her underwear; a labyrinth of black fabric and cross-crossing lace, not quite see through enough to give you full access to her body, but enough to entice you in. And Severus was definitely enticed. From the day she made the first move on him, Snape had struggled to deny his attraction to her. After living for so many years denying every possible pleasure, Y/N reignited his appreciation for the fairer sex in a way that no woman ever had.
As she approached the desk, Severus could clearly see the expanse of goosebumps covering her tanned skin, already feeling the affects of the damp dungeon office.
“Here.” He said, taking off his robes and draping it over her shoulders.
“Do I repulse you so much you feel the need to cover me up?” She joked.
“You’re a distraction.” Snape said seriously, meeting her eyes. “And it’s cold. Go back to bed.”
“Not without you.”
“I don’t have much more to do, let me finish.” He pleaded, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.
“You can finish tomorrow.” Severus wanted to argue with her, but ultimately, she was right. And there was almost no chance of him finishing now that she had chosen to position herself upon his desk, legs brushing against the inside of his thighs.
Severus stared up at her, wetting his lips and humming appreciatively.
Y/N dropped the robe, allowing it to pile by her hips.
Severus succumbed to her seduction, all thoughts of marking and assignments evaporating into the night air.
“You’re freezing.” She panted, cupping Snape’s cheeks in her hands, her soft lips brushing teasingly against his own. “Let me warm you up.”
Like he said before; nothing much had changed since the Wizarding War. Except now the Dark Lord was dead. Expect now McGonagall was headmistress at Hogwarts. Now there was a new permanent DADA professor. Now he allowed himself to love. Now he had the warmth of a good woman by his side, and he didn’t plan on letting her go any time soon.
#severus snape#severus snape imagine#severus snape fanfiction#severus snape one shot#severus snape smut#snapetober#snape x reader#snape x oc#severus snape x you#severus snape x y/n#snapetober 2024#snapetober day one
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On the Ropes
Chapter 25 - Uninvited Guests
Montgomery Gator X F!Reader
WARNING:
-Noncon touching, inappropriate behaviour, abuse of authority, implied s/a, self-doubt, mild threat
Summary: Tempers flare, emotions are high and boundaries are tested. You worry, but Monty worries more. He just isn't as good as expressing it as you are.
Sorry this one took so long. A few months ago, my parents made me a partner in their company with a view to take over the whole damn thing when they retire, and I've had to learn how to run a business without a lick of experience in the field, so that's been taking up a lot of my life lately. I'm still finding time to write, but it is harder.
Still! I hope a nice, long, juicy chapter full of angst and fluff and hurt/comfort makes up for the hiatus. Love to the brim. X
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As ideas go, Monty concludes that his latest might have been best left on the backburner, never to see the light of day. He hardly dares move, locked in place by his own mechanical parts as he stares down at you on the sofa, and you in turn, gawk up at him, your eyes still wet and shining with tears.
And for all his artificial intelligence, for all the state-of-the-art programming slapped into his circuitry, the most eloquent response he can conjure up in the face of his own blunder is a weak, faltering, “Uh…”
But what else could best encapsulate the jarring realisation that he’s been caught? He hadn’t really fathomed being caught at all, hadn’t even considered what he might do if he was caught.
Well, too little too late now, he supposes. There’s no way he can simply duck back through your open window and feign ignorance when you inevitably return to the Plex to confront him…
…. Could he…?
… No, no. Definitely not.
Closely observing your expression, the gator’s proverbial stomach sinks as your face begins to lose all aspects of shock and instead turns towards something more closely akin to anger, unpleasant in its familiarity, and Monty realises he’s running out of time to come up with a believable excuse to explain away his presence here, as if a 'good' excuse even exists.
Brows scrunching together, your jaw creaks shut, teeth meeting with an audible ‘click,’ that pulls an involuntary flinch from the gator’s tail.
He can handle Mick being angry with him. He can handle Andy and that exec, the staff and guests and all of their cross words and scathing looks.
Yet for some reason that he dare not examine, the very notion of you pointing your wrath at him fills Monty with a dread so palpable, he’d swear the coolant in his hydraulics freezes solid. The irony of the revelation doesn’t escape him. Until now, he’s spent so long being angry at everyone around him without sparing much thought as to how it must feel to be on the receiving end.
Beyond the threatening wave of apprehension cresting over him, he can still hear the sizzle of water against a hot stove-top somewhere nearby – the very culprit that had landed you on the floor, and him here in the first place - and in his eagerness to set things right again, Monty latches onto the one task he’s at least semi-certain he can’t mess up.
He doesn’t break eye-contact with you, not until he’s edged his way into the little kitchenette and finally tears his gaze from yours to spin around to the stove, knocking his tail against the fridge with a jarring clang of metal. He winces at the force, hoping he hasn’t dented it.
Grimacing at the knobs and dials sitting innocently on the cooker, he elects not to tackle them, instead reaching out to engulf the saucepan’s entire handle in a single fist where he simply lifts the whole contraption off the stove.
At once, the water boiling within its metal confines eases to a manageable simmer.
“Monty…” When his name leaves your lips this time, it’s deeper, colder, with the barest tremble flecked into your voice. “You… you can’t be here…”
The gator has enough sense not to bark out a nervous laugh at the century’s greatest understatement.
Clenching his fingers around the handle, he carefully plops the saucepan down near the back of the stove, away from the burning, red ring of heat. Excess water still dribbles in tiny rivulets down the side of the counter, but he turns his processor away from the mess by physically twisting himself around in the cramped space until he’s facing you once more, clutching his hands up to his yellow chest plate.
“You can’t be here,” you reiterate thinly, your eyes blown wide and pupils small and dark like pinprick holes, locked in his direction.
Then, with the suddenness of a bullet firing from a gun, you explode into motion.
Lurching over at the waist, you swipe your discarded crutch from the floor and begin shoving yourself gracelessly from the sofa with such fervour, Monty is momentarily struck by the ludicrous idea that you might be on your way to attack him.
“Of all the-! the stupid-!” you sputter, slamming the crutch’s rubber foot into your carpet and heaving yourself upright, wobbling across the room on an unsteady leg, “Dangerous! Irresponsible-!”
You continue hurling out adjectives and lumbering forwards, and Monty – suddenly alarmed that you’re about to topple face-first into the carpet again – kicks himself into gear. His pistons carry him across the room in a few, loping strides where he meets you at the edge of the kitchen linoleum, mindlessly throwing both of his enormous palms around your waist to steady you.
Almost at once, you latch onto him roughly, your fingertips squeaking against plastic as they attempt to gather purchase around a too-thick wrist.
“Monty!” The acrid taste of panic steadily trickles down the back of your throat. “Monty, this isn’t funny! I’m not kidding! This isn’t funny, you cannot be here!”
But Monty isn’t laughing. And although you sound borderline hysterical, there isn’t a trace of humour in your expression either. Maybe you hope it's a practical joke, or that you're seeing things. Anything except for the gargantuan reality peering down at you from behind star-shaped sunglasses.
“I know,” is all the gator can muster up as a reply. Because he does know. He can’t be here.
And yet, he is.
“Then what-” you snap, “-the fuck are you doing here!?” It’s the first time you’ve really raised your voice at him, and there’s a sharpness to it that tucks the animatronic’s snout down towards his chest, rendered contrite in the face of your reprimand. Something deep in his subroutine starts to hum, discontented. Perhaps it’s the fact that the shoe is on the other foot now, and this time, he’s the one on the receiving end of someone else’s anger.
Another tear spills over to clump your eyelashes together.
Whirring loudly behind his glasses, Monty’s optics track its path over the swell of your cheek, and again, he creaks his jaw open, hoping something more substantial than his previous answer will miraculously come to him. As it is, he merely utters a soft, “I… don’t know.”
Evidently however, that had been the wrong thing to say.
For several seconds, your mouth flaps open and closed in disbelief before your face screws up into a tight ball of incredulousness and you manage to shrilly proclaim, “What do you mean you don’t know!?”
You snatch your hand away from his wrist to rake trembling fingers through your hair, digging into your scalp with the tips of blunted nails. “Oh god, oh god… This is bad, this is bad! You’re…”
Trailing off, you lean away from the animatronic, shoving a palm against his solid chest and giving your head a harsh shake, as if you might somehow throw the whole situation from your mind. Even as you pull away, his hands retain their firm point of contact on your sides.
After a beat of silence, you go still once more, blinking up at the gator and confirming that, no, you aren’t imagining the hulking, green goliath towering over you, looking far too large to occupy the space between your ceiling and floor. “Monty, for god’s sake,” you say through gritted teeth, “You’re in my flat!”
“I.. I know this looks bad-” he tries, removing a hand from your waist, palm tipped towards you in a placating gesture, “But, it’s okay-“
“- In what universe is this okay!?” you fret, batting at the massive paw that stretches towards you, “Monty! You’re outside the Plex! If you’re caught, they’ll-! Christ! You could be decommissioned! Is that what you want?!”
“I wanted to make sure you got home,” he emphasises.
“You can’t do that though!” you almost wail at him, shaking your fists beseechingly as if to beg him to comprehend your desperation, “You understand why you can’t do that, right?!”
“I was just-!” There’s a sudden buzz of static as he cuts off his own voice box, rendering the end of his sentence effectively unspoken.
But he ought to have known you aren’t about to let him get away with silence, not when you’re so clearly distraught and prying for answers.
“What, Monty?!” you exclaim, pinning him with your glare like a butterfly to a corkboard, “You were just what?!”
The gator’s jaw works mechanically, grinding the gears on their pivots as he clenches and unclenches it. He’s unwilling to give up the vulnerable words that have lodged themselves in his voice box, words that seem far too soft coming from the mouth of an animatronic with an unmalleable frame.
The only sound to break the silence is the steady ‘drip,’ ‘drip,’ ‘drip,’ of your leaky faucet.
“Montgomery,” you snap when his silence starts to overstay its welcome.
And the gator, despite his best efforts, flinches.
Plastic eyebrows slot together with an audible ‘clack’ as Monty lowers his optics to the carpet at your feet…
You’ve fallen back on his show title.
It’s a… rather decisive step away from the nickname he asked you to call him. The chasm that stood between you and the gator was wide when you set foot his green room not so long ago, yet in spite of first impressions, that gap has slowly been closing up over the last few days.
But now? Calling him ‘Montgomery,’ and in so terse a tone feels too much like the rift has just inched a few notches wider again.
Perhaps it’s that solemn, borderline desperate urge to regain what precious ground he’s lost that drives him to finally lift his gaze from the carpet and aim it somewhere near your glistening eyes instead.
“Just… tryin’a do what you did for me…” he utters.
Your face immediately untwists, brows launching up your forehead as everything about you opens up in clear surprise.
Whatever excuse you’d been imagining, he hadn’t provided it.
“What?” The question squeezes out of your throat, rasping and tight.
Hiking up the volume in his voice box, Monty retorts, “You came to make sure I was okay at the Plex. I-I’m just… doin’ the same thing!”
Sputtering around half-formed words for a several seconds, you finally manage to exclaim, “There is an astronomical difference between a human going to their place of work, and an animatronic up and leaving the place they were built, Montgomery, you can’t even try to pretend there isn’t!”
You’re well aware that comparing your autonomy to his own is a little below the belt, but the truth, whilst certainly ugly, is still the truth.
“Andy can tear me a new one for not going home after surgery,” you continue frantically, “But that’s nothing compared to what Faz Co. will do to you if they find out you’ve gone awol! And that’s not even the half of it! I mean - What if you run out of charge!? Or – or!”
As you steadily approach the line between distraught and thoroughly panicked, your voice begins to rise, cracking at the apex of your sentence, hypotheticals darting relentlessly through your head.
“What if someone saw you!? How did you even get here! Oh, fuck, Management’ll scrap you for spare parts, or - Damnit, Monty!” you blurt, ducking your head to try and meet his downcast optics, “Are you evening listening to me!?”
He is listening, as a matter of fact, quite intently. Though his visual feed may not be focused on you, the gator is hanging on your every word. But it isn’t the realisation he could be decommissioned that’s caught his attention. He already knows that the outcomes you’ve just listed are very real possibilities, should his little escapade ever be discovered.
No, instead, it’s the clear and undeniable fear laid thickly in your voice that grinds his processor to a halt. It sits on your tongue like a glaze, shining brightly for him to pick up on, and wonder how he missed it in the first place.
This isn’t anger.
This is something else dressed up to look like anger, and the tragedy is, it’s a disguise he knows all-too well, so well, in fact, that he should have recognised you’d donned it the moment you opened your mouth to speak.
You’re afraid.
If animatronics were built to house spirits, Monty’s would be tentatively lifting their heads. However, the revelation that perhaps he hasn’t driven off his best and only friend is cut woefully short when all of a sudden, his audio receptors give a ping, alerting him to new input approaching from a nearby source.
Without warning, the gator’s head snaps towards the door of your flat, mechanical clicks filling the unexpected silence as his optics adjust to the change in distance.
Footsteps… heavy and unhurried, slowing as they draw nearer to your door…
“Monty?” you hiss, distractedly following the line drawn by his glare, “Don’t try and-“
‘Knock.’
‘Knock.’
‘Knock.’
Three deliberate raps on your front door cause any further arguments to shrivel up and die at the back of your throat. You stop breathing altogether, and every noise suddenly seems too loud in the ensuing silence.
‘Who the Hell-?’ you wonder, dumbfounded, ‘-It’s the middle of the night!?’
No sooner has the thought occurred to you than a finger of ice-cold dread drags a chilly path up the notches on your spine, right to the fine hairs prickling at the nape of your neck.
Like a jackhammer, your heart rams itself up against your sternum over and over again.
‘He couldn’t have… Shit. Could he? But... How?’
“Y/n?”
You’re too slow to clamp your mouth shut around a gasp when you hear the voice, muffled but undeniably masculine, calling out from the other side of the door. Monty’s silicone lips ripple apart, though he at least has the forethought not to push an audible growl through his speakers.
The voice, however, doesn’t sound as though it belongs to the… the person you thought it might have belonged to.
You can’t place it straight away. You’re only sure that you know it from somewhere, but with several centimetres of wood standing between you and it, details are distorted and difficult to pinpoint.
Another knock startles you again, even more-so when it’s followed by, “Are you in there?”
A pregnant pause stretches until your teeth start to ache from keeping them pressed together so firmly.
And then, the words you thought you’d never have to hear again filter through the cracks beneath the door. “I thought I heard shouting.”
There’s an instinct that rises from buried depths at the utterance, instincts you thought you’d put to bed long ago.
It's as though someone has lit a fire under your feet. Mechanically, you twist around towards the sofa, your eyes locking onto the remote controls sitting on its arm rest. Limping up to them with stilted, frenetic movements, you snatch them up and aim them at the television, jamming your thumb into the ‘on’ button with far more force than necessary. Plastic creaks beneath your fingertips.
Seconds later, the screen flickers to life, landing on a film you don’t bother to try and recognise. Hiking up the volume until the tinny sound kicks out of the speakers and fills your meagre living space, you toss the remote back onto the sofa cushions and make your way arduously to the door.
Yet another knock indicates that your late-night visitor is persistent, you’ll give him that.
Several steps from the entrance, your progress is stopped by a sudden wall of green stepping in front of you, blocking your path forward.
“Move,” you rasp through gritted teeth, too quiet to be heard over the television as you smack at the gator’s tail that’s trying to curl around your thighs.
Monty’s head swivels around to frown at you. The purple casings surrounding his optics slide half-closed to give you the impression of a beseeching look.
You wonder if he knows who’s at the door.
“Hello? Y/n?” the stranger calls again.
“I - just a second,” you blurt out, ignoring Monty’s grimace as you bully your way past him, using your crutch to keep him from stepping around you lest he risk tripping you over, “Sorry, I’m... still getting the hang of these crutches.”
You have half a mind to demand to know who the Hell would have the unmitigated audacity to come around and knock on your door at this time of night.
Behind you, Monty’s claws try to hook into the back of your shirt, but the fear of accidentally tearing anything you own keeps him from holding on with any real purpose. As such, it’s only too easy to slip out of his grasp and press your eye up to the peep hole, the blood in your ears rushing to a watery crescendo.
A distorted yet familiar face peers back at you through the glass, sweat glistening off a ruddy forehead that shines under the overhead lights.
“Mick!?” you burst out.
What in the name of God...
Whirling around to face Monty, you throw an arm out, gesturing wildly towards your bedroom door.
The gator’s jaws are clenched tightly enough that you suspect if you were to toss a lump of coal between his teeth, he’d spit out a diamond, and while his tail twitches back and forth in clear agitation, he doesn’t otherwise move.
“Ah, you are there,” your not-so-mysterious visitor exclaims, “Mind opening the door?”
Yes, you mind! You mind very much! What is he doing here!?
Unless…
Your head turns slowly over a shoulder to gape unblinkingly at the animatronic looming close behind you. Your eyes find his, your stomach clenches…
“Hello?”
“Uh, just… hang on a second!” you stall, fumbling and fiddling with the metal latch, pretending to fight with it whilst you cast another, desperate look back at the gator. “Damn lock is always getting stuck.”
The moment his optics catch your eye again, you mouth, ‘Please’, jerking your chin at your bedroom door, ‘Please. Hide.’
Ever so slowly, Monty blinks, taking in the harsh lines that cut crevices down the centre of your forehead, right between your furrowed brows. And just like that, the corners of his snarl start to fall, and the apertures of his pupils expand to hide blazing, crimson LEDs.
A thousand calculations run through his processor at once, all of them pertaining to the risk of leaving you to face Mick by yourself. His programming shrieks in defiance as he takes a reluctant step backwards, being light as he can on cumbersome actuators.
He should stay… Neither of you know why Mick is here, though he can hazard several guesses.
You’re afraid, you’re vulnerable… You need him.
But probability reminds him that perhaps the situation isn’t so dire. He's sure he hadn’t been spotted on his way here, and if he was, why would Faz Co. send Mick – of all humans - out for retrieval?
What if the man's being here is merely down to chance?
If that's the case, then should he catch you with one of the Glamrocks in your home, the repercussions will be far worse than whatever Monty fears could happen by leaving you to deal with the situation alone…
So, driven back by the urgent glimmer of tears shining over your sclera, Montgomery Gator begrudgingly makes a decision that goes against his very programming. He retreats from the room, slinking backwards as silently as a two-tonne bot can through the door and into what he can only assume must be your personal recharging station.
All the while, you watch him over the threshold, waiting until the gator’s hefty bulk disappears into the darkness of the room beyond. Even still, you wait for him to push your door shut with an undetectable 'thud' before you finally wrench the lock on your own door free and tug the whole thing open, remembering to plaster a tentative smile on your face just in the nick of time.
“Mr Matthews,” you grind out sweetly, praying that the television in the background covers your stumbling addition of, “What a… a nice surprise!”
The man on the other side of the door straightens his posture at once. It doesn’t escape your notice that he’s keeping one arm behind his back as he too slaps a grin on his face, though you imagine his is slightly more authentic than your own.
“Y/n, my dear,” he returns, revealing his hidden appendage and, to your surprise – and confusion - producing a fistful of limp, strikingly dark dahlias, the kind you might pull off the bargain shelf at your nearby petrol station.
“I wasn’t sure you’d be awake,” Mick continues, edging towards you until the toe of his winter boot pokes over the threshold, “But I was in the area and thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing.”
With the flowers practically shoved under your nose, you try to surreptitiously lean backwards, putting your weight on the crutch as you reply, “O-oh, that’s, ah, very kind of you…”
Can he hear your pulse thundering? Oh god, can he see the dilation of your pupils? Does he know who you have hidden in your bedroom? He must… He has to. Why else would he be here?
Almost running on autopilot now, you continue, “You didn’t need to come all this way though. Um…” Trailing off to bite at the inside of your cheek, you hedge, “I didn’t realise you knew where to find me.”
To anyone with even a modicum of self-awareness, the statement is poised as a direct question, in expectation of an answer. ‘How did you know where I live?’ is being broadcast from every facet of your voice and expression.
But Mick, clueless or perhaps deliberately obtuse, merely lowers the flowers an inch and replies, “Oh, you’ve mentioned it to me a few times now.”
… Have you? It’s… entirely possible, you suppose. After all, you talk about a lot of things at work, and subsequently, you forget about a lot of things too. But who would remember all the small talk you make with co-workers, or the unimportant comments you toss out while you’re responding to ‘check-ups’ from management?
Your home address however… It took you a long time to even tell Andy where it was, in case of emergencies… You can’t imagine it’s something you let slip without noticing.
But… Mick is here…
So how else?
Shoving down the frustration at yourself for being careless, you clear your throat and nod at the flowers. “And, can I presume those are for…“
Mick jumps, staring down at the dahlias clutched in his fist as if he’s only just remembered they’re there. “Oh, yes of course they’re for you!” he proclaims, “Of course, of course. Only courteous to give flowers to people in need of healing, no?”
You blink at him mutely, pretending not to notice the excess oil he’s slicked into his hair tonight.
Is that why he’s here? To bring you flowers? Is that all?
Part of you wants to slump with relief. Another part however, older, wiser and sadder, remains cautious.
“Well, again, that’s really kind of you,” you tell him, reaching out to take the flowers from his hand. The stems seem to breathe elated sighs as he relinquishes his iron-clad grip. “I’ll have to find a vase for these…”
You’re not sure you even own a vase…
“Naturally,” he replies, peering over your shoulder to quirk a brow at the television blaring behind you, “Ah. Movie night?”
“Hmm?” Following his gaze, you rush out, “Oh yeah, I figured… since I’m off tomorrow and the foreseeable future, a little late night wouldn’t kill me…”
Would it be rude to ask your senior why he’s bringing you flowers at this time of night? Maybe you can tell him you were just about to turn off the TV and go to bed?
As you deliberate how best to tell the man on your doorstep to make himself scarce, he surprises you by abruptly asking, “May I come in?”
‘No!’ your own voice screams at you from inside your head, ‘Just say no!’
“I’m not sure that’s-“ you begin tactfully, but Mick is already bustling forwards, crowding you until you take a slight step to one side. After that, well… You’ve given him an inch, he’ll take a mile, as it were.
Once he has a literal foot in the door, Mick sweeps past you, moving breezily into your living area and roving his gaze all over the room, hands planted on his hips. “Goodness,” he remarks, cocking his head at your bare walls and sparse décor, “You don’t get much on a cleaner’s salary, do you? You haven’t put that… ahem, bonus to good use yet?”
You want to bristle like a cat that’s been kicked.
Mick’s jab is unmistakable, but his awareness of his own civility is not.
Swallowing back a retort, you simply murmur, “Hadn’t gotten around to it yet. I’ll go and put these in some water.” Truthfully, you’re still reeling from the fact he’d just invited himself inside.
Hobbling towards the sink, you delicately lay the flowers in the washing-up bowl and turn on the tap. An angry ring of red light catches the edge of your vision, and you glance over at the stove-top, clicking your tongue as you reach over and turn the cooker’s dial to the ‘off’ position.
Teeth find the inside of your cheek and bite down on the fleshy wall, worrying at it while you wait for the bowl to cover half of the flowers’ stems.
‘Monty knows better than to give himself away,’ you assure yourself, trying to pretend you can’t feel those eyes prickling at the back of your neck, ‘And it’s getting late. Mick’ll want to get home soon. This isn’t anything other than a concerned manager delivering well-wishes to a member of the staff.’
‘There’s a guest in the house,’ a voice that isn’t entirely your own pops up, unbidden, ‘Offer him a drink.’
“Can I get you anything?” you blurt out, turning off the dripping tap and swivelling about to face Mick, “Coffee? Tea?”
The man throws you a look, barking out a laugh. “My word, someone’s got you well-trained,” he chortles.
The moisture dries up in your mouth. He likely assumes he’s referring to your upbringing, or maybe your schooling, but his statement hits far too close to home and sends phantom prangs of alarm through your brain, fizzing like electricity.
But just as your head starts to feel light…
“No, nothing for me,” he sighs, entirely oblivious to the cracks forming in your outer veneer as he nods pointedly at your television, “Although, uh, TV’s a little loud, no?”
“O-oh, yes,” you give a start, wobbling past him, “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company.” That one was a little barbed, but you think it’s more than justified, given the circumstances.
Making your way to the sofa again, you reach for the controls, intent on swiping them off the cushions, but you freeze in your tracks when your eyes land on the overturned coffee table to your left. The coffee table Monty had knocked aside in his haste to get at you after you collapsed…
Behind you, Mick of course, has already seen it.
“Doing some redecorating?” he comments.
Thinking on your feet, you resume your task of picking up the remote and turning the television off, plunging the room into an uncomfortable silence once more. “No, just… had to move it earlier to do some exercises the physician recommended.”
Mick ‘ah’s’ in apparent understanding whilst you elect to deliberately leave the table where it is, tipped on its side.
“You wouldn’t believe how much space it takes just to do some stretches,” you add, “I haven’t gotten around to moving it back.”
You make a concerted effort to keep your eyes from drifting towards your bedroom door, painfully conscious that the gator must be standing just on the other side, head pressed to the wood to follow the flow of conversation.
“Mm, I can imagine,” Mick grunts noncommittally, and as you return your attention to him, you’re just in time to see him helping himself to a seat on your sofa, breathing out a long, languid sigh as he glances up at you, ruddy cheeks pushing out in a smile. “Come, sit!” he insists abruptly, as if it isn’t your sofa that he’s inviting you to. “Rest that leg of yours, you must be tired.”
If only he knew how terribly his suggestion puts your back up and sends your pulse skyrocketing.
All of a sudden, from the direction of your bedroom door, there comes a soft, nearly inaudible scraping sound, not unlike claws dragging across wood.
To your horror, Mick’s head starts turning towards the noise, but quick as a flash, you draw his focus by stretching your jaws into a wide, obnoxious yawn and settling down on the opposite end of the sofa, leaving a respectable distance between you both.
Covering your mouth with a palm, you loudly proclaim, “Oh! Oh, excuse me. I suppose I have got one foot in bed already.”
You try for light-hearted, miss and land on uncomfortable instead. But if Mick gets the hint, he doesn’t outwardly acknowledge it, merely hums and pulls a handkerchief from the pocket of his shirt, daubing at a glistening temple.
As you perch awkwardly on the edge of the seat, you keep a firm grip on your crutch and make every conceivable effort to avoid casting any wayward glances at your bedroom door. If there’s even the slightest chance that Mick isn’t here because of Monty, then you aren’t keen on blowing your cover.
“So,” the man next to you starts conversationally, clapping his hands down on his knees, “You’re holding up all right, then?”
Shrugging a shoulder, you reply, “As well as I can be, all things considered.”
Mick purses his lips, head bobbing sympathetically. “Mm, I’m sure that’s the case,” he admits, “Bad business, that attack in the tunnels. Very bad business…”
Bad business, or bad for business, you wonder.
And talk about an understatement. You have to sternly remind yourself not to scoff.
His mention of the ‘incident’ however does raise a certain flag at the back of your mind as it occurs to you for the first time that Faz Co. wouldn’t be above sending someone to make sure you’re sticking by the non-disclosure agreement. You wouldn’t put it past them…
Is that why Mick is here? Second guessing yourself for the umpteenth time, you take a deep breath and gently try to steer the conversation towards something of real substance. “I… signed the exec’s paperwork, by the way… So, you don’t need to worry. The matter’s done with, so far as I’m concerned.”
The fact that you now have enough money to start looking for a nicer place to live is certainly motive enough to keep idle gossip to yourself.
In response, Mick only tips his head back and barks out a laugh, “Of course you did,” he chuckles, shaking his head at you, beaming, “You’re a damn good woman. You work hard, you keep your head down. You do your job, and you do it well. You’re loyal…”
Trailing off, he twists himself about at the torso to face you, the smile sloughing off his face as he adds, “Loyal enough that you’d come to the Plex the day after you were carted away in an ambulance.”
With gradual unease, your fingertips curl into the sofa cushions.
Whatever expression you pull must be dire indeed because Mick immediately drops his serious façade and lets out a chortle, leaning across the sofa to give your knee a pat just a few inches from the top of the cast, apparently too amused to notice that you blanch.
“Now then, no need to look so spooked,” he tells you, “I’m not here to lecture you about what you should and shouldn’t be doing following a major incident. I just thought I’d mention that I saw you today-“
You can barely focus on his voice. He’s allowed his clammy palm to lay like a lead weight upon your knee. It’s still there. Why is it still there? The temptation to kick your leg out as if to shoo away a bothersome fly is awfully prevalent.
“I must say,” he carries on, oblivious to the way your gaze drills into the back of his hand, “I was impressed by your dedication to the company. I’d have come over to say ‘hello,’ but…”
Breaking off to torture you with a pregnant pause, the man’s jovial expression collapses, turning sour. “Well…” He clears his throat, shifting in his seat. “Then I saw you were with the gator.”
Right there on the sofa, your heart seizes up.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with that gator recently.”
‘He knows,’ you fret, flicking a frantic look at the door to your bedroom. The evidence is stacking up against you. Why turn up now, and why mention Monty at all?
Fingers trembling, you start the process of falling apart right next to him, debating whether or not to just get it over with and come clean when he suddenly furrows his brows at you and – at long last – draws back, retrieving his hand from your leg. “You need to watch yourself around that bot. You hear me?”
Relief and shock war for control for several seconds as you gape at him, only remembering to snap your jaw shut once you realise it’s been hanging awkwardly ajar for far too long. Swallowing thickly, you try to smooth down your bristling nerves and stammer out a clumsy, “I-I’m sorry?”
“I’m not the only one who’s noticed, you know,” Mick surges ahead as if you hadn’t spoken, “Most of the staff are starting to talk. A lot of the guests too. And now there’s that video going around…”
Your eyes are starting to ache with the effort of keeping them affixed to the manager, not your bedroom door.
“It’s no secret that it’s taken a real liking to you,” he grunts, “And the way I see it, that puts you at the most risk.”
Suddenly, you find it much easier to pay attention. Several, rapid blinks put Mick at the centre of your focus as you politely admit, “I’m sorry, I… I don’t follow.”
The look he gives you is decidedly pitying. Heaving a slow sigh through his nose, he roves his gaze up towards your ceiling as if he means to pluck the right words out of thin air. “Listen,” he begins patiently, like a teacher trying to explain something basic to their struggling student, “Bots don’t just… change like Monty has. I mean, what’s it been? Less than a week? And it’s gone from causing countless incidents of property damage and snapping at every staff member it sees to carrying one across the plex?”
He puffs out a derisive scoff and shakes his head, lips pursed. Then, leaning forward, he links his fingers together and props both elbows on top of his knees, glowering hard at the blank television screen. “I’m not buying it,” he utters darkly, “Sooner or later, its old ways will start kicking in again, and when they do, who’s the person directly in the firing line?”
Peeling one hand away from the other, he curls it into a fist, extends his forefinger, and aims it right between your eyes.
There’s something so inherently disconcerting about the action alone that you physically draw back from the man on the sofa, leaning away and eyeing his hand as though you’re staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. But at the forefront of your mind – and a sudden source of great contention - is his implication that Monty is any kind of threat to you. Perhaps you wouldn’t be feeling a thrum of defensive indignation if the gator himself hadn’t been in the other room, no doubt able to hear every word Mick is saying about him. As it is, your chest starts to buzz with the desire to correct the man’s assumptions.
Peeling a dry tongue from the roof of your mouth, you slowly press out, “With all due respect, Sir-“
“-It’s Mick, doll. Just Mick.”
You try not to pull a face at his interruption. “Mick,” you start again, “With all due respect, I think that’s a bit unfair to Monty…”
At once, surprise opens his expression, smoothing the wrinkles between his brows as they go shooting up his forehead instead.
“Unfair?” he deadpans.
“I just mean that he’s been trying very hard to do things right lately, and we shouldn’t dismiss that just because he's had a few bad days, right?” Instances of breaking into your apartment notwithstanding. “Christ, Mick, he saved my life from that en-“
Mick’s beady eyes narrow at you.
Clearing your throat, you carefully amend, “… from that intruder.”
For several seconds, you watch on as the man’s face twists up once again into a frown, and he purses his lips at you, exhaling roughly through his nose. Leaning sideways across the sofa, he puts himself close to you and raises a finger into the air, wagging it at you in a manner that you really don’t care for.
“One example of the ‘correct’ behaviour doesn’t negate all the harm that bot has otherwise done,” he tells you firmly, “To the brand, to the plex…” Trailing off, his eyes gloss over as they drift to the back of his hand, staring at something you can’t see. After a moment, he quietly adds, “To me.”
Glancing sideways to find you fixing him with a strange look, he pushes out a cough. “A-And it certainly doesn’t prove that it’s safe. Never trust a dog that’s bitten once not to bite again.”
“Monty’s not a dog,” you point out, your brows set in a stern, unyielding line.
“No,” Mick agrees sharply, “It’s a two-tonne animatronic with a history of violence and a penchant for causing trouble wherever it goes.”
All at once, you bridle, clenching your fist around the crutch. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re in your own home that gives you a shot of courage straight through the chest. If Mick had confronted you with these accusations at work, you can’t deny you might have been a little more hesitant to retaliate. As it is, he came into your flat uninvited, he sat on your sofa and started bad-mouthing your friend…
“Now hang on a moment, that’s just plain wrong,” you retort, “Monty hasn’t caused any trouble for me, and in fact, he’s gone out of his way to help me these past few days – quite a lot, actually.”
Somehow, Mick’s brows travel even further north towards his slicked-back hairline. He blinks, surprised, either because of your sudden and admittedly barbed defence of a bot you’ve only known for a few days, or because he hadn’t expected you to show him your backbone at all.
You quiver angrily on the opposite side of the sofa, heavy eyelids protesting the late hour whilst Mick blows a noisy breath through pursed lips, regarding you with newfound interest.
“Now then, there’s no need to get yourself all worked up,” he soothes cloyingly, “I didn’t come all this way to upset you.”
The willpower it requires not to bark ‘I am not upset!’ is tremendous, even more so to fake an apologetic smile and reply, “Of course you didn’t. Sorry, it’s just been a long day.” And getting longer with every second Mick sits there, behaving as though he’s done nothing untoward simply by being here.
“I’m sure it has,” he remarks.
And then… something happens. Something that sets the synapses in your brain firing off alarm bells left right and centre, paralysing you in your seat.
Without a word to announce his intentions, Mick shuffles himself along the sofa cushions towards you, closing the very deliberate gap you’d wedged between the pair of you minutes ago.
“If I’m being perfectly honest with you,” he begins in a low murmur, and you wish he wouldn’t be honest at all if that’s how he intends to speak, “I’m sorry I ever sent you into that damnable gator’s room in the first place. I mean, granted you’ve saved the company thousands in repairs since then… But… Ah, forgive me, perhaps this is unprofessional but…”
His already soft voice dies to absolute silence as he stretches his hand across the distance between you and sets it down on your leg once more, just above your knee - nowhere an uninvited hand ought to have any business treading.
You can’t tear your eyes off it. All the moisture in your throat has dried up, all the breath in your lungs stays trapped.
You’re not angry anymore.
“I simply wouldn’t forgive myself if that gator hurt you, you know,” his voice sounds muffled, half-drowned out under the blood rushing in your ears, “I’m only looking out for you.”
You’re scared.
He’s sitting close, too close, close enough that the smell of smoky cologne is suddenly clogging up your airways and sticking to the back of your throat when you inhale.
“Can you blame me for worrying though?” he asks, rubbing his hand up an inch as if he’s testing the waters. Sadly, your limits have been pushed before, further and further each time until the bad things just became mildly uncomfortable things, and the really dreadful things were simply better to ignore.
“You really are a very good worker. But that animatronic isn’t safe.”
Your breath catches in your gullet when you swallow, and even now, after all your experience and the hurdles you’ve cleared, you start to doubt yourself. Perhaps Mick really is just concerned. He certainly sounds it. You could be finding horror in something entirely benign. He’s a manager, he knows better.
He’s a molehill and you’re sitting here wondering if you should make him into a mountain.
Fingers twitch against your skin and you blanch, prying your jaws apart to… what? Scream? Tell him to get his hand off you? He hasn’t technically done anything wrong. You let him inside…
All of your senses come flooding back to you suddenly as a strange sound catches your ear; a latch clicking out of place, a handle turning inwards. Ears thrumming with adrenaline, you at last manage to rip at least part of your concentration off Mick and train your hearing towards your room instead.
Luckily for you and the idiot gator trying to stealthily open your bedroom door for some, inane reason, Mick seems far too preoccupied with catching your eye to even register the noise.
He’s looking for a reaction.
The appealing idea that this might just be one big misunderstanding starts to wash away bit by bit.
You cast your mind about, mentally searching the room for something – anything to derail the direction of his goal. When that fails, you reluctantly allow your gaze to wander from your television to the front door, over to the kitchen and then down to the flowers poking over the lip of the sink…
Flowers…
A stray gear in your brain chugs to life, kicking out a single, blessed idea.
“Hah!” you wheeze out breathlessly, forcing a wobbly smile onto your reluctant mouth, “You’re starting to sound like Andy. He worries about me too.”
There. It’s only for an instant, but out of the corner of an eye, you see Mick’s expression falter. “Flowers?” he asks.
“Mmhmm,” you hum, “I’m surprised you didn’t arrive with him actually.” Feigning an expectant glance at your front door, you school curiosity onto your face and add, “You didn’t see him on your way up, did you?”
Mick’s hand starts to raise ever so slightly from your thigh, too slow for your liking, yet you grit your teeth and bear it for a while longer, like you always have.
“See him?” the man blinks, “I… no? Why would I have seen him?”
“Oh, it’s just, he texted me before you knocked on the door. Said he’d be here in another ten… fifteen minutes to drop off some stuff I left in my locker at work. I thought you might have come together.” Shrugging a shoulder as casually as you can, you quirk a brow at Mick and continue, “You really didn’t see him? Huh. I hope he’s okay. It’s not like him to be late.”
On the last word, the feeling of warm, sweaty skin pressed to your leg disappears.
Bingo.
“Well,” Mick announces brusquely, plastering a cheery grin on his face as he leans back and slaps his palms onto his knees, pushing himself off your sofa, “If Flowers is on his way, I’d better let you two have your space. Wouldn’t want to crowd you, hmm?”
Though it damn-near kills you to do so, you tilt your head and ask, “Oh, are you sure? I think he wanted to have a word with you about something.”
Mick’s face turns several shades paler than usual as he stumbles over his response. “Ah, well, I’m sure it can wait until I see him at work tomorrow.” Slipping a finger between his grey tie and the collar of his shirt, he tugs the fabric looser, taking several, hurried steps in the direction of your front door. “I’m sorry to have stopped in unannounced.”
Your smile reveals just a few too many teeth. “It’s not a problem,” you lie, using the crutch to lever yourself onto your feet, “I suppose I’ll see you at work, then?”
Mick’s backwards peddling might have been funny if you were in any mood to laugh.
“Hm? Oh, yes, yes. I’ll see you then,” he titters, “You just stay off that leg in the meantime.” His hand grasps the door handle, sliding clumsily around it for a moment as his damp palms clamber for purchase.
You heart soars when he finally manages to pull it open, only to step halfway outside and hesitate in the threshold of your home. For several, awful seconds, you stare at the back of his head, wondering if he’s changed his mind, or worse, if he’s called your bluff.
Sparing you a look over his shoulder, Mick catches your eye. “Just… remember what I told you about the gator,” he tells you suddenly, “Preferably before you decide to visit the Plex again.”
And with that, he just… leaves, disappearing out into the hallway and pulling your door shut in his wake until the latch ‘clicks’ shut.
Mouth full of cotton wool, you listen intently for the thump of dress shoes hitting carpet to peter out as Mick beats a hasty retreat down the hall. Fainter and fainter, the sound fades, until at last, you hear the far-off 'ding' of the lift doors sliding open and shut, and with a shuddering inhale, you promptly crumple forwards against the door, gasping out a wet, pitiful noise whilst you scrabble at the lock with shuddering fingers.
It’s only when the metal latch slides into place with a definitive ‘shunk,’ that the door of your bedroom bursts open.
With all the speed and unimpeded ferocity of a stampeding bull, Monty comes surging from the darkness of your bedroom, his shoulder struts reared back like a pair of snakes ready to strike.
“What’d he do to you!?” he demands, crossing towards you in just a few strides.
You spare a thought for your downstairs neighbours before you remember they’ve been on holiday since last week. And a good thing too. Each step the gator takes sends tremors through the floor below your bare feet.
Monty’s sensors – by now so well-tuned to your vitals – had been going haywire behind the door, picking up on your thundering pulse and the steady uptick in your cortisol levels. He’d had to stand there, helpless but to listen as Mick spewed his rhetoric into your ear, and Monty hadn’t been able to defend himself or refute the man’s claims at all. But you-!
Wonderful, righteous, amicable you... You had! Monty's systems were thrumming, thoroughly cowed to hear you come to his defence, which made it only more difficult not to burst into the room and sweep you away from Mick when the man all but purred reassurances at you.
But worse, perhaps, was the gator’s inability to see what was happening on the other side of the door. Mick’s verbal blows against Monty’s behaviour couldn’t have been the catalyst for your climbing heartrate, though some small, selfish code in the animatronic hopes you felt at least a little indignation on his behalf.
No… Something else occurred here tonight. Something Monty wasn’t privy to, but wishes he was, if only to settle the ire broiling in his circuits.
You have your back to him, and your forehead pressed against the solid wood of your front door.
He has to see your face… He has to know. He has to read your expression and see for himself that there isn’t any fear there, just exasperation or even a fiery burst of anger. Anything… Just not fear. He would take all the fear in the world from any human he meets if he would only be spared from yours.
Wrestling back the hissing lines of code that poke and prod at his temper, Monty slows to a halt as he reaches you, his apertures twitching wide then narrow again whilst they flit up and down your body in search of damage.
“Hey,” he calls, sliding a single, clawed hand around your bicep, “You hear me? What’d he-?”
If he’d have just known… If he’d have hazarded a guess as to where your mind had gone in that moment, he might have thought twice about laying his hand on you.
“DON’T-!” you yelp shrilly, whirling around to face him and thrusting your wrist against his, knocking the limb aside as if to parry a weapon instead of his arm.
Startled, the gator wrenches his appendage back, holding it above his shoulder in a display of surrender as he blinks down at you dumbly, jaw falling ajar.
And then, he sees it.
You’re staring up at him, your face drawn back, haggard and half-mad with terror, your chest heaves with the effort of taking in breaths.
He doesn’t have to perform a scan to determine what he’s been dreading. Humans have looked at him like that ever since he was first brought online. Monty’s processor thumps, dredging up a memory of Mick - younger and bolder than the man he is now – reeling away from the gator, face as pale as Moon’s and his eyes so wide the entire iris was exposed. Monty remembers the odd sensation of something soft collapsing between his teeth.
The animatronic violently purges the memory from his internal storage, though he knows it’ll still linger there somewhere, buried behind layer upon layer of firewalls until his guard is lowered once more.
All at once, he recoils like he’s been hit by a wrecking ball, staggering backwards until his tail hits the wall behind him and he’s forced to stop. Unable to retreat any further, unable to offer you any more distance, he simply stares at you from his side of the room.
It’s over… This wonderful, safe harbour he’d found in you is finally finished… You believe what Mick had said about Monty being a danger to you.
He always knew this had to end, of course. Good things can’t thrive in the vicinity of a Faz Co. animatronic. He just… didn’t think the time would come so soon.
Even still, he can’t help but cling with raw, desperate hope to you, scrabbling to keep a hold of your good graces because he’s too stubborn or too foolish to let go.
“I-I wouldn’t -“ he starts, concealing his claws with his fists and tucking them against his chest, “- I’d never… I wouldn’t hurt you. Not you, not ever. You’re…”
His voice box sputters, cutting out for a moment as he searches his bank of vocabulary for what you are.
When it finally dawns on him, his processor almost grinds to a halt.
“You’re all I got,” he confesses slowly, surprising himself with the revelation, “I don’t got nobody else…I ain’t gonna hurt you, you know that.”
You have to know that.
Please know that.
Gradually, far too gradually for the gator’s highly strung code to endure, you lower your arm too look at him, brows high on your forehead.
“Monty?” you utter quietly, sending a quick glance between the animatronic’s downcast snout and the hands he still keeps curled beneath his chest. In another blink, you realise what you’ve just insinuated through action alone.
“Oh, I… Monty – No, of course you wouldn’t. I’m so sorry, I… God.” Slouching back against the door, your head knocks against it as you drop a palm over your face. “This is such a mess.”
Lowering your palm to the door, you splay your fingers over the wood behind you, drawing in a steadying breath and trying to ground yourself to the solidity at your spine. Another breath, and you finally drop your eyes to the gator.
For the briefest moment, you consider telling him why you couldn’t bear to feel a hand on you right now.
Your mouth creaks open, the words sitting on the tip of your tongue.
But something along the vein of common sense tells you that it wouldn’t be fair to burden Monty with such knowledge.
‘Besides,’ you remind yourself, borrowing your mother’s words, ‘It’s all in the past, and least said, soonest mended.’
Morose yet resigned, you swallow back your admission.
“I’m sorry, Monty,” you offer instead, raising a hand to rub at your drooping eyelids, “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Unconvinced, the gator curls his tail inward, eyeing your arm - the one he’d grabbed.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” The question seems to creep out of him, his volume levels set so low that you have to strain your ears to hear it.
“No,” you reassure him, dropping your hand to give him a gentle, albeit tired smile, “No, you didn’t. You wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t,” he readily agrees, lifting his snout a little.
For a few seconds, the pair of you simply regard each other from opposite sides of the room, until eventually – and reluctantly – you have to let your smile fade away, replacing it with a worn, heavyhearted frown.
“That was close though,” you whisper to yourself, letting your eyes slip shut, “Shit, that was too close.”
How on Earth Mick didn’t find out about Monty’s presence here, you’ll never know.
A mechanical whir followed by a thud lets you know the gator has just edged a step closer. “Yeah, no kiddin’…” There’s a pregnant pause, and then you jump slightly, snapping your eyes open as Monty raises his voice to an indignant bark, “And just what in the heck did he think he was doing, comin’ round here in the middle of the night anyway?”
The look you shoot the gator is withering enough to have him tilting his head sideways.
“What?” he asks, apparently oblivious.
You elect to gloss over his blatant hypocrisy in favour of jabbing a finger at him, though the action lacks the same hostility it might have ten minutes ago. “You know, it wouldn’t have been ‘too close’ if you hadn’t been here in the first place.”
Perhaps recognising the rising challenge in your tone, Monty’s stance shifts as he raises up on his struts, towering so high that his mohawk almost brushes the ceiling. He peers down the length of his snout at you, the line of his brows set and rigid, half shuttering his optics.
“I ain’t sorry,” he tells you, and it’s so matter of fact that you give a hard blink, your own eyebrows springing up towards your hairline.
You’re starting to feel a little like Andy. If this is how exasperated the poor mechanic feels when you do something stupid, then you owe him several, sincere apologies.
“I… I was, though,” Monty adds suddenly, lowering his nose as if the bluster was only ever meant to be short-lived, “Before Matthews turned up. But now, I…”
For a second, he falters, then bulldozes through his hesitation with a sharp grunt and a shake of his head, meeting your gaze resolutely. “Now, I’m glad I was here.”
His optics flicker brightly, though they dart between your face and the cast on your leg at frequent intervals as though he’s uncertain of himself yet determined not to back down from his conviction.
“I ain’t stupid,“ he insists, but there’s too much fervency behind it, like you’re not the only one he’s trying to convince, “Matthews was doin’ something to you. If you hadn’t’a got rid of him, I’d’ve…“
“…What, Monty,” you sigh when it becomes clear he’s hesitating to sort through his words again, “What would you have done, short of giving us both away?”
“I’d have stopped him,” he growls, puffing out his chest and jabbing it with the sharp claw of his thumb, “I’d’ve protected you.”
Rolling your eyes, you huff, “Oh, my hero. You’d get yourself scrapped, and me arrested for kidnapping an animatronic.”
It’s disconcerting to see a bot so large and intimidating positively wilt as though your point has just heaped a very real, very tangible weight upon his shoulders.
Letting a sigh slip through your nose, you catch a loose bit of skin between your teeth, worrying at it in the tangible silence that hovers between you and the gator.
You want to be angry with him for being here. You want to tell him how foolish and misguided his programming was to convince him that he should leave the Plex to seek you out. But if there was any strength left in you after the day’s events, it’s been well and truly sapped clean out of you. In fact, ‘sapped’ is too gentle a word for it. As memories try to pile up on top of one another, it takes more effort than you’d care to admit to beat them down again, leaving you with very little residual energy to conjure any resentment for an animatronic who followed you home because he wanted to make sure you got there safely.
This behaviour is so out of character for him.
And you? Well, you’re so out of your depth. Shit, you can never tell Sun and Moon about Monty’s escape. If the daycare attendants find out that they can leave the Plex as well, you’ll be in for a whole new world of trouble.
While you slump against the door, contemplating, Monty’s large head swings to the left, his optics studying the window. He’d wrenched it open so hard the frame had torn jagged splinters from the surrounding wood. The corner of his lips turn south as he lowers his optics to the table he’d overturned. That alone had almost been enough to rouse suspicion, but you’d explained it away expertly, from what he could hear, and Mick ended up none the wiser.
It comes as no real shock to the gator that if it weren’t for your quick thinking and well-oiled responses, he’d have given himself away ten times over. He’d have given you away…
Impulsive, Freddy might call him.
Stupid, would be Roxanne’s more cutting, though no less accurate decree.
It’s never been an easy thing for Montgomery Gator to admit that he might have been wrong. Even if his protocols thrum with a newfound urge to guard a member of Fazbear Co.’s faculty, his processor knows all too well that his coming here put you at the most risk.
The gator’s tail drops to the ground with a dull ‘thunk’ of plastic and metal on the carpet. “I just wanted to do somethin’ right for once,” he utters to the stillness, his truest desire finally spoken aloud.
He doesn’t look at you this time, but his audials pick up your gentle intake of breath and wonders what happened to the animatronic who would have bitten your head off several days ago just for looking at him the wrong way.
At least if that Monty did something wrong, it was usually deliberate. Somehow, as he’s quickly coming to learn, it’s so much worse trying to do something right, and getting it wrong anyway than doing something wrong in the first place.
Hurts more, he concedes.
The gator is too busy discovering the scope of his regret to notice you push yourself off the door, leaning hard onto your crutch as you squint up at him, cocking your head to one side like he’s a puzzle you’re still figuring out. Admittedly, you absolutely are. You’re not an engineer or a programmer. You can’t begin to fathom the depths that Monty’s learning algorithms can reach.
All you can see is an animatronic condemned by those who made him, trying to be better than he’s told he is. So, while you can’t condone his being here, for his own sake, you realise that he - much like yourself - has likely had more than enough of people telling him off.
Sucking down a long, thick breath, you release it all in as weary a sigh as you’ve ever expelled.
“You’re doing fine, Monty,” you say, and it’s kinder, warmer than you’ve sounded all evening, “You’re doing just fine. I mean, this was a little…” Pausing to gesture loosely at the overturned coffee table, you let out a soft laugh and continue, “Uh, overzealous. But your heart was definitely in the right place.”
‘Your heart.’
Slowly, hesitantly, Monty’s tail lifts from the ground, rising with the edges of his crocodilian smile. You might never know how much it means to him that you don’t point out how he doesn’t technically have a heart. And it means even more to hear that you know his intentions came from a good place.
“But,” you add, inhaling, like you’re bracing yourself, “I’m still not happy you’ve put yourself in such a precarious position just to check up on me.”
Monty’s metal framework groans as he slumps again.
“Ugh. Listen to me,” you chuckle, rubbing your temple, “I’m starting to sound like Andy.” Starting forwards, you begin limping for your room, stifling a wide, clumsy yawn behind the back of your hand. “Now, I have had, like, the longest day. And I’m going to bed before I keel over.”
“…But… what about your food?” he asks, sparing a glance over at the saucepan sitting idly on the countertop. The water inside has long gone cold.
Your footsteps pause as you draw alongside him, reaching out to lay a palm on your bedroom door. “I’m not hungry,” you murmur after a second. It’s not entirely a lie. For some reason, the meagre appetite you had for cheap noodles and tea has evaporated, leaving you hollow, yes, but not nearly as hollow as you were rendered by the touch of Mick’s hand on your leg.
Giving your door a shove, you push it open and reach around the corner, sliding your fingers along the interior wall until you find the light switch, flicking it on and illuminating the bedroom with a warm, yellow glow. Monty is frowning at you, you can feel his crimson optics boring into the side of your head, but you ignore him to say, “I suggest you go back to the Plex before you run out of charge.”
You must have mistaken the gator’s earlier acquiescence for a willingness to leave.
“I got plenty of charge,” he deflects.
As it is, Monty’s optics rove over the top of your head, widening significantly behind his glasses as they land upon the contents of the room that he’d been standing in just minutes ago. He hadn’t bothered to sate his curiosity then, far more apprehensive about what was happening on the outside of the space, but now, without oppressive darkness cloaking every corner and without a potential threat to contend with, his protocols take a backseat to his inquisitiveness.
He observes closely as you shuffle into the new territory, your territory, where you immediately make a beeline for the nest – bed, his CPU corrects – that’s set against the furthest wall.
Swinging his prodigious bulk around, the animatronic trails after you, ducking underneath the doorway and raising his snout to the air.
You don’t even have to look over a shoulder to know you’re being tailed. The heavy stomps are proof enough of the gator’s proximity. “Monty, come on,” you whine, “You’ve gotta go home.”
The gator only offers a gruff hum in response, otherwise distracted by the simple yet pivotal revelation that he, for the first time, is seeing your private, recharging chamber. Immediately, he’s struck by how much more lived-in this humble space is. Out there, in your kitchenette and the adjacent living room, everything seemed so much more bland. Less you.
In here, there are pieces of you scattered into each corner of the room, from the pile of unwashed clothes sitting in a nearby chair to the row of house plants lined up like soldiers along the breadth of your windowsill.
Curious, his optics roam towards a desk in the corner, upon which sits - to his immediate intrigue – a large, square tank filled almost to the brim with crystal-clear water, and lit from above by a cool, fluorescent light bulb. He knows what it is at once, though he’s never been privy to one in person before.
At his back, you reach the bed and promptly collapse onto your rear at the edge of the mattress, dropping your crutch to the floor and listening to it land with a sharp clatter of plastic.
“Ohhh,” you groan tiredly, leaning forwards to balance your elbows on your knees and drop your face into a palm, trying in vain to rub away the bags underneath your eyes with numbing fingertips.
Your whole body aches ferociously, all stemming from the sharp twinge of your ankle that lays protected behind a thick, white cast.
Six Weeks…
Day one has been hard enough. How are you supposed to make it to day forty-two? The question remains; is it uphill from here, or down?
Glancing over a shoulder, you restrain an impromptu smile before it can spread as you spot Monty creeping up to the fish tank on your desk, his head hunched low to peer through the glass at your little corydoras sifting eagerly through the substrate in search of hidden food.
“Hey, little guys,” the animatronic murmurs, his optics casting the water in a gentle, pinkish glow.
Fish are a novelty for him. He knows of them, of course, has seen images of them depicting many various shapes, sizes, and colours. He knows they can’t survive for long outside of water, and he knows they’re covered in scales.
But to see for himself how those scales flash under his scrutinous, crimson LEDs, to watch their barbels twitch as they playfully chase one another along the floor of the tank…
There’s a strange kinship there for the creatures who share the waterways with his real-life counterparts.
He likes them, he decides. He likes that you have them. It speaks to an apparent affinity for aquatically-inclined animals…
For several moments, you merely observe the gator from your bed, wondering why he’s stalling. At least, you assume he’s stalling.
“Monty,” you yawn, pretending not to notice how his purple shoulder struts jump in response to your voice, “What are you doing?”
The gator’s head twitches towards you briefly. “M’sayin’ hi to the fish,” he states simply.
Shooting him a deadpan glare, you retort, “You know what I mean. Why are you still here? You need to get back to the Plex before you’re missed.”
“Ain’t nobody gonna miss me,” he shrugs, “Sides, I’ve still got a couple’a hours of juice left in the tank. Don’t worry.”
“But I am worried, Monty,” you squeeze out - and oh, there’s that pinch of tenderness to soften the hard, brutal metal hidden under his casing – “If I wasn’t worried about getting caught, I’d haul you back to the Plex myself… How did you get here unseen anyway?”
“Came over the rooftops,” he replies proudly, cocking his head at a fish that approaches the glass, lured by the glow of his optics.
“The rooftops!?” you sputter, “How on Earth did you get up there!?”
Flashing a cheshire grin, the gator gives the casing on his thigh two hearty slaps. “Got the best pneumatic cylinders in the business. These things’ll carry me distances you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes I use ‘em to get from one side of the catwalks to the other. This is the first time I’ve seen what they can really do.”
Collapsing backwards on top of the covers, you splay your arms out on either side of you, letting a long, appreciative whistle pass your lips. “You jumped…. All the way here?” you realise aloud.
“Beats walkin’.”
“… And you’re going to jump all the way back?”
“Can’t exactly take a cab, can I?”
You don’t respond for a long while… So long that he turns himself all the way around and rises to his feet, half expecting to find you fast asleep on the bed.
Your eyes are closed, and you’ve gone very still. Your chest rises and falls with even, steady breaths, though your legs are still dangling over the side of the mattress, toes brushing against the carpet.
Monty frowns. A hum of machinery gives him away, not so silent as he paces around the bed towards you and lowers himself down onto one knee, reaching for your legs with the intention to lift them up to the bed so you can lay flat.
His first-aid protocols are nowhere near as advanced as Freddy’s, but he’s skimmed enough medical files in the last twelve hours to know that you should keep your damaged leg elevated.
With gradual movements, the animatronic’s fingers flex and stretch for your cast. However, his purple claws barely make it within a foot of your appendage when your body goes absolutely rigid, as though you’ve turned to stone right there on the mattress.
At once, Monty stops, glancing up to see one of your eyelids crack open and swivel over to peer at him, blinking slowly in the glow cast by his optics. “What’re you doing?” you ask guardedly. Something in your voice quivers. He catches it right away.
“I… just – I was gonna put your legs on the bed,” he explains.
The clock on your bedside table ticks quietly ever onwards, and it’s only when you remember to exhale that he considers your expression for another moment and finally ducks his head, asking, “… Can I touch you?”
Stuffing your teeth into your bottom lip, you clutch a fistful of the duvet beneath you and slowly shake your head from side to side. “Not… Not yet… I’m not…”
You falter, swallowing a painful lump that sticks in your throat like guilt. Monty didn’t do anything, after all.
But for an animatronic, his response comes far too softly.
“Okay,” he nods, pulling his hands away and returning them to his lap.
And that’s… all he does for a long time.
Sniffing, you lower your gaze, tugging yourself backwards using the duvet as leverage until you can haul your heavy cast over the side and stretch your legs out towards the foot of the bed, sighing in relief.
"Better put a pillow under there," Monty pipes up, jutting his chin towards the fluffy, white cushions spread out behind you.
Clicking your tongue, you stretch behind yourself and snag the first pillow your fingers grasp, hauling it over your head and tossing it haphazardly near your leg. After taking a moment to brace yourself, you lean back on your elbows and bite your tongue to keep down a cry as you lift the leg up and onto the pillow.
Through it all, Monty says nothing further. He does stare at you though…
You’ve noticed he’s being doing that a lot lately. What was it Mick said?
‘It’s no secret that it’s taken a real liking to you.’
You don’t want to think about Mick.
Finally, when the gator’s staring starts to grow a little too… intimate, you swallow thickly and peel your lips apart to mumble, “Monty, why don’t you want to go back to the Plex?”
He perks up at his name but loses his enthusiasm as he registers the question.
“I’ll go back soon,” he grumbles.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Monty’s vents hiss as he simulates a pensive sigh - like yours - and begins folding his legs up underneath himself, his plates sliding over each other as he settles himself down onto his rear, arms draping loosely over his knees. He knows.
“Six weeks…” he mutters, cautiously lowering his long chin until it brushes the duvet cover beside you. When you don’t protest or move away, he gives his head a little more rein to droop, and the framework in his neck no longer strains to keep it aloft.
Confusion lays its mark bare across your face. “What?”
Six weeks,” he repeats, “That’s how long you’re gonna be gone for. That’s a long time to…” Static clings to his voice-box, stifling his words. With a grimace, Monty thumps a fist twice over his chest until something clicks audibly into place. Then, forcing a laugh, he falteringly adds, “S’a… long time for a bot to go without having his room cleaned, yeah?”
“You could always let the S.T.A.F.F bots help you,” you point out.
“Nah, they wouldn’t do it right.”
A weary smirk toys with the edge of your mouth as you reply, “Well, have you considered – and this might be a bit outlandish, but bear with me here – have you considered just… cleaning it yourself?”
“Course I have,” he retorts, “But… c’mon, it’d be more fun with you, wouldn’t it?”
He should have known when your smirk recedes to leave him looking at a flat, sombre line that you weren’t fooled for a moment.
“Monty… Is the truth really that embarrassing?” you pose.
‘Yes…’ he huffs wordlessly to himself, ‘It is.’
“It’s all gonna go back to the way it was before,” he mumbles into the duvet.
“What is?”
“Everythin’,” he suddenly exclaims, wrenching his head back up, “It’ll go back to how it was before you came along. You’ll be gone for six weeks! What if I start gettin’ angry again? What if I forget about what you taught me, ‘bout accidents n’ stuff?” That thought brings on another that’s even more dreadful, and he curls his hands underneath his chest, leaning into them against the side of the bed. “What if you forget about me?”
You blink at him, bewildered, studying the jarringly human behaviour he’s exhibiting, and wondering, not for the first time, if it says something about you that you see humanity in so much of what these animatronics do.
“Hey,” you offer, giving him a sympathetic smile when he slides his nose further along the duvet until it almost touches your arm. Almost. “You might be overthinking things, Monty. I’m pretty sure I could never forget you.” You laugh at that, causing him to blow a whuff of air against your forearm. “And besides,” you add, “Six weeks is… like, nothing, okay? It’ll go by faster than you think.”
Far from convinced, the gator only grumbles unintelligibly into the duvet and casts his optics to the other side of the room. The bed underneath you rumbles as the rich bass growls out of his speakers.
“Listen...” you sigh, flopping your head down onto the pillow to blink up at the ceiling overhead, “When I was younger, one of my best friends moved halfway across the world with her family.”
Immediately, the gator’s jaw clenches at the mention of your ‘best friend’ before he catches the action and berates himself for behaving like a toddler being asked to share their favourite toy.
“We haven’t seen each other for… Oh boy, ten years, maybe? I still call her sometimes… Probably not as often as I should... And you know what?”
“…What?”
You roll your head over to peer at the animatronic beside you, finding his focus has returned to your face.
Pulling your mouth into a sleepy smile, you let out a hum before murmuring, “Every time I ring, she’s always so pleased to hear from me. I bet if she were to walk through my door right now, it would be like no time had passed at all.”
Monty’s optic shutters click open and shut. “How come?” he prompts quietly.
“Well, do you think I love her any less now because I haven’t seen her for ten years?” you reply, “Friends can’t be together all the time, you know. Even if they might want to be. Life gets in the way. Families, jobs, fatigue, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still friends. So, you don’t need to worry about not seeing me for a few weeks, okay?”
You can’t help but find this conversation very reminiscent to a similar one you had to have with Sunny after he learned you were leaving for a week of summer vacation.
“I ain’t worried,” Monty lies through his teeth, “Just wonderin’ how you’re gonna have any fun without me around.”
“Fun was not the doctor’s recommended treatment,” you yawn, letting your eyes slip shut and keeping them closed, bogged down by a cumbersome weight that’s been heaped upon your shoulders. A myriad of hurried little thoughts swirl around inside your head, too numerous to pin any single one down. Mick’s arrival and subsequent behaviour, whether you’re trying to read too much into what might have been nothing more than a friendly gesture, Monty’s escape from the Plex and the sudden responsibility you have for an animatronic you’ve barely known a week…
You just need to sleep.
‘It’ll all make sense in the morning,’ you try to tell yourself…
You’d make a shit salesperson.
For some time, the quiet gurgling of your tank's filter provides a soothing backdrop to the silence cast between you and the animatronic.
“Can I stay here?” Monty’s question breaks through the fog of flitting thoughts, his volume barely a digit away from being entirely mute, “With you? Just for a lil’ while?”
Prying your eyelids apart to blink tiredly at the gator, you let your chest fill with a slow, heavy breath, blowing it all out again through your nose.
“… Just this once,” you whisper back.
The gator’s optics brighten, then flit towards the movement of your hand on the bed.
You’ve raised your forearm, inching the appendage closer to Monty’s snout. Fingers worn dry and abrasive from chemicals and labour touch down on top of the animatronic’s nose, followed by your palm, spreading a pleasant flood of warmth down through his teeth and onto his tongue.
In response, some of Monty’s systems backfire, kicking errors codes to his HUD that tell him he’s overheating, and should release excess coolant to the affected areas. He ignores the alerts. He ignores everything. Everything that isn’t your hand is left by the wayside, forgotten in favour of soaking up a touch that he knows would never cause hurt.
Letting his optics click shut, the gator draws his silicone lips up into a lax, lazy smile.
The muffled ‘thumps’ of a heavy tail fall and rise from the carpet over and over, and Monty’s frame seems to purr as he relaxes his massive head onto your mattress, contented and committed to this spot until his battery hits zero and his limbs rust from underuse.
He knows he has to leave, but for now, just pretending… It’s the happiest he’s been in…
It’s the happiest he’s been.
“Just this once.”
#fnaf#five nights at freddys#fnaf sb#security breach#Montgomery Gator#On the ropes#Everyone is having a not okay time#Monty x reader#f!reader#fluff#angst#protectiveness#tw noncon
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thinking about eddie, a decade later, maybe two, and corroded coffin has gone on to be a world famous metal band and eddie gets recognized as their front man everywhere he goes. he loves it, for a time, creating joy with his music, having fun on tour with his friends, listening to entire stadiums sing his words back to him. it's the life he always wanted, and he's grateful.
but it's not 1986 anymore, he's not some twenty year old kid with energy to burn. none of them are. jeff has two kids at home that miss him terribly when the band's on tour, and gareth is married now with a baby of his own on the way. they all still love the band that changed their lives, and the shitty lyrics from their first album they wrote in gareth's mom's garage back in hawkins, and all the music that came after. but now--it might be time for a break.
"We're not breaking up," Eddie announces at their last show. "Far from it. We just--we need a little time to be normal again. To enjoy this part of our life before it's gone. We'll be back, someday, I know we will," he says, and the band nods along with him, their hands held over their hearts as the stadium cheers around them. "Consider it a hiatus. And don't even think about forgetting us while we're gone."
So, Jeff flies home and gets to go to his son's first t-ball game, and Gareth heads back to LA to finish setting up the nursery before his wife goes into labor. And Eddie?
Well, Eddie goes home.
To a little house just outside of Indianapolis, bought in 1989 after they signed their first record deal. Three bedrooms, two car garage, one husband waiting in the driveway when his car pulls up.
(That last one didn't come with the house, but it is what makes this place a home. Eddie's home.)
It's not until Eddie collapses in Steve's arms does he realize how much he needs this. That he realizes how tired he is, and just how homesick he's become.
"I missed you," Steve murmurs into his hair, arms wrapped tight around his waist.
"I'm never leaving home again," Eddie whispers back, clutching onto Steve's polo shirt and letting the tears start to pool in his eyes.
"We both know that's not true," Steve teases, pressing a kiss to Eddie's temple.
"Not for a long while, then," Eddie tells him, lifting his head and cupping his husband's face.
Steve tilts his head, his brows furrowing a bit in confusion, a single crease forming between them. It's deeper than it was when they first got together, back when they were all still kids. His hair is different too, still floppy and styled and perfect, but shorter, only a little bit, and just starting to salt and pepper near his temples. It's barely noticeable, unless you're Eddie Munson and you spend every moment you can studying the planes of Steve Harrington's face.
"I'm retired," Eddie tells him, only half joking.
"You're thirty-nine."
"Semi-retired," he rolls his eyes, takes his husband's hand, and leads him into their house where their two cats are waiting for them. "And making the most of it. Starting now."
#should i make a part 2?#this isn't even what i initially wanted to write#part 2 is what i wanted to write#and yet#i cannot resist a setup#my steddie posts#my steddie hcs#my steddie fanfic#steddie#eddie munson#steve x eddie#eddie x steve#steddie fanfic#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#steddie au#steddie headcanon#steddie fandom
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Hey, I was wondering if maybe you could do yandere headcanons for The Riddler from arkahm city? I rarley see anything about the arkahm games. However, If not it's fine, have a nice day or night!
Yandere Arkham City! Riddler Headcanons
...Uh, hi. I'm back. sorry for the prolonged hiatus, I've just been...dealing with a lot at the moment. I'm glad to be back. I'm not gonna be making a full blown post for it, so imma just say my piece here. Don't worry Anon, I'm gonna get to your request soon- just wanna talk a little bit. Requests will be off for awhile, how long, I'm not sure. Going to finish the requests I can, I won't force myself to do them all- because if I can't write it, then I realize I'm not obligated to. A reason that I quit was because I was so overwhelmed with stuff. But that was any of your faults! I am absolutely astounded that I have so much support! Just that sometimes I need to realize that I can't do everything there is out there, because I'm still an amateur writer, there's a lot I can't do and even more that I have yet to get good at. Sorry for rambling, here's your request Anon!!
Slightly suggestive near the end, oopsie doopsie guys. Oh yeah, and he says some really mean words, guys- an absolute shocker 🤯
Here's the thing when it comes to Edward. He's an asshole- a smug, insensitive asshole. Of course, we all know this by now. But this snarky self-absorbed piece of shit is slowly starting to decay, inside out. His mental state fluctuates, and it really is straining on your "relationship". He believes in more practicality, you're here to be his assistant, and he's here to protect your primitive brain (though, less than your peers, just enough for him to take you under his wing and truly try and help you flourish) from combusting. He can make you smarter, you know. You have so much potential, enough to be second best...Just watch, and learn. It's not like you'll have a choice.
Yeah...The first few weeks-months will be tenuous- it's likely you didn't join this relationship of your own volition. And even if you somehow did, it's not going to be any better. He's making you go no contact with the outside world. While you call it a fucked up form of house arrest, he prefers to call it a more civilized form of rehabilitation. Sorry, not sorry- those idiotic, moronic, brain-dead louts would taint you again. No wonder you're so much dumber than him, all your life you've been surrounded by bad influences (so was he, but he's a prodigy, and you're just smarter than average- it's different). You have to stay away from them because any smarts he's been giving you might be sucked up by those braindead leeches!
Good news though- free range of his living space (if you can even call it that)! While he's still keeping his appearance semi-clean, his space hasn't, as he's slowly beginning his descent into the Arkham Knight version. But hey, how about you be a good helper and pick some stuff up- keep you occupied short-term. Because, you try and talk to him, it's going to be a lot longer- and you might want to take notes because he is going to test your knowledge on it later.
"Why are you bothering me? ..Cleaning? No, no, you stop that. If you're going to keep your mind occupied, then I recommend you grab the 11mm crowfoot wrench and get over here." When you didn't move, be it you didn't know where he stored those or a genuine lack of knowledge about wrenches, he peered up from his work. "..What, can't even do that?" He signed, furrowing his brow, but prevented himself from badmouthing further. It wasn't their fault for having an idiot society teach them about these things. "..Just- grab the flashlight, over there on the counter, I'll get it myself- and you better pay attention. This mistake will not be made more than once, I assure you of it."
Pity is a common occurrence, but his sympathy isn't. Oh, your poor pitiful shrunken brain, rotting away from all the bad people in your life. But you should've taken one quick look at him, realized he was your intellectual superior and asked for him to bring your brain to a normal size and to ditch everyone else in your life. That's your fault.
Now, it isn't all bad! Look on the bright side, learning is now your full time job- with him as your teacher (in a non-sexual way, because god-damnit if you think you can get out of learning about the proper ways to build one of his puzzles by giving him a handjob (you can, and probably should to avoid what would be considered a 5 hour lecture over the course of the day)). He enjoys teaching you all that he knows, and he expects you to share that enthusiasm, especially when he talks about batman. When he starts talking about the flying rat that plagues his life, you better listen. You're going to be his assistant someday with all of this 'killing Batman' thing, so you better hop on that train early.
While he does call you an idiot, he's just self-projecting his hatred of Batman (and himself) onto you. No, it's not your fault- it's 100% his own and he won't apologize or acknowledge it in a meaningful way. It slowly dissipates the more your 'nasty' attitude does, but even then it never fully disappears. Depends on the day. He'll never get better, though, not fully. And once you see how bad he becomes in Arkham Knight, you'll realize this isn't as low as he can go.
"You idiot! Can't you do something right? When I talk, you listen! Why do I even keep you around?! You're an absolute buffoon, you know that?...Of course you don't, you see? If you were with me sooner, you wouldn't be like this. We'll get you to the intelligence level you should be, don't you worry, but clearly we're going to need to change tactics if I'm going to get it through that thick skull of yours."
#yandere#yandere fanfiction#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#edward nygma x reader#yandere riddler#yandere arkhamverse
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(So before we start with this theory & new post of mine for a long time since my semi-hiatus, I want to repeat that I do not want any new informations about season 5 or anything related to it whether true or not, same for any leaks, set photos whether true not. I ESPECIALLY DO NOT WANT THOSE!!!!! or interviews that are the slightest bit too revealing UNLESS I haven't looked at it myself and even then, easy on any of these. I know something minor about this season & have seen two things about it but that's it, nothing more.
These theories & analyses might be proven wrong or false already or in the future but I don't care, I do this for fun & as a way to explore different possibilities about the story that can be interesting or could have been at least. I hope everyone understands this & will not be a party pooper towards me just to have a "GOTCHA!!!" moment... With that said, let's get into it, shall we ?)
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The Thessalhydra:
Back To The Future &... The Beginning.
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For this first post, I wanted to go back to season 1 as I found it was fitting to explore one of the earliest major fandom theories of Stranger Things since it's final season is on it's way.
"The Thessalhydra as the final threat from the Upside Down."
And while at first everyone at the end of Season 1 thought, obviously, that this creature would be the next threat in it's second season, the Mind Flayer poked it's head and said "not yet!", "I need to experiment with my minions first!" with a Vecna also slowly planning his own armageddon as well. And as much as I don't like him (& his season... 😒), he's here and he proves to be useful from time to time when it comes to theories or analyses because he still part of the show & can help up in terms of parallels, themes & plot.
But now, let's remember the last episode of season 1! The boys playing their new campaign about the Thessalhydra taking a similar turn to the one they did at the beginning of the first season (*wink wink*) & this time Will does a 14 (*wink wink*) & kills the Thessalhydra with a fireball. (*wink wink*)
Now if this wasn't a tv show with multiple seasons, I would tell you that the boys obviously staged the whole thing for Will to win so that he can be happy and because they're all very nice friends & also not repeat the same game at risk of making him vanish again especially if the monster this time is the size of the Empire State Building, (sorry with the luck these characters have, I simply can't believe they can have a happy ending such as this one. WILL HAD UD SLUGS INSIDE HIS BODY, WTF GUYS???!!!) but this is a tv show with multiple seasons. And now, it has definitely become foreshadowing for what's to come.
Especially since in it's fourth season now, we basically have Nancy having an apocalyptic vision of Hawkins with a large creature which is describe by having a "gaping mouth".
And if you look at her face here, she definitely did not find that thing beautiful in the slightest, though she is probably more terrified about the fact that she saw most of her family dead. 🤭
But would you look at that ?! What creature in ST fits that description ? Quite a lot actually but obviously you know which one I'm talking about, yes The Thessalhydra! And oh my god, look at what I've found on the Forgotten Realms Wiki:
"Thessalhydras were hideous and terrifying creatures. They had a large, reptilian body with a long tail, 18 feet (5.5 meters) in length, which ended in a pair of large, sharp pincers. It had no head, instead eight hydra-like heads, each about 6 feet (1.8 meters) in length, surrounded a gaping mouth filled with teeth and acidic saliva."
Well well, after that, it's difficult to argue what else could that large creature be!
End of theory! Bye guys! Thank you for reading!
...
Except I also can do that... 😅 Because I have reason to believe that this future Thessalhydra is a creature we have seen before. One whose campaign mirrors another campaign from the same season.
Yes. I have reasons to believe that the Thessalhydra and The Demogorgon from Season 1 are one and the same.
Do you remember this ?
Of you course you remember this, what a stupid question. It's part of a series of trauma that affected us deeply as a fandom, for different reasons (at least for me) but it proves to be an even more important parallel than we originally thought.
I don't need to tell you about the thematic importance of the parallel or what it means for the characters, we've all already gone through that already, I am more interested in it's significance for the plot.
So El kills The Demogorgon & Henry the same way. By disintegrating them. But that action doesn't seem to end the same way for the both of them & El herself.
What is interesting is that the three of them dissapear in some form, Henry into an Upside Down gate but ends up falling forever through the Hellscape (a different dimension than Dimension X/The Upside Down though likely connected, the same way that Dimension X & The Upside Down probably are the same thing but it's not fully confirmed yet.) before ending into Dimension X/The Upside Down in some way. And we all know what happens from here on out, at least what we know of it since Season 4.
I have a theory for why he ended up there, what is the nature of that place and did not simply disintegrate like The Demogorgon who I also do not think simply disintegrated but we will not go fully through that in this post.
El though ends up in the Upside Down after being taken by the disintegrated part of the Demogorgon or by disintetrating herself (though it didn't really seem that way to me) which I think is probably because the Demogorgon used it's powers on her since he could open gates or send anyone to the UD in season 1. (We will also get into that but not in this post, same for why he was so different in Season 1, both physically and in the way he behaved.)
But the Demogorgon, from what we saw simply disintegrated and we never heard or saw any significant clue of it's existence again. Which again leads me to believe, if we follow the logic of what happened to Henry & to El in some way, it is still alive, somewhere.
And I believe personally that it is in the Hellscape right now, and in the same way that Henry got electrocuted while free falling in that place which marked the start of it's transformation as Vecna, I think the same is happening to The Demogorgon and is slowly being transformed into the Thessalhydra.
I think that El when she disintegrate something, she sends them into the Hellscape which is connected to Dimension X/The Upside Down as some sort of passage for someone who didn't enter via a gate the "original" or "right" way per say. Because being launched into Dimension X/The Upside Down in a state or in a way such as this one could be fatal so it's some sort of transition in a way.
And while Henry technically went through a gate, he was disintegrated before it's opening & that gate couldn't last more than a few seconds which I think is a result of the barrier between the worlds not being thin enough. Plus I think El gave way more strength into Henry than she did the Demogorgon with her powers which in turn also opened a gate behind him.
So as a result, he went into the Hellscape as some sort of "safer" transition between the two dimensions since as we know, and I hope, no gate before that has been opened in Hawkins before.
And as for the Demogorgon, again I think it's a point of it fighting back against El & using it's own powers against her plus again El didn't seem to launch the same type of strength of her power as she did onto Henry since she was standing much closer to the Demogorgon than she did Henry while also using an important memory of hers to defeat him.
Now as to why we haven't seen that Demogorgon or Thessalhydra in ST again, I think it's because the Hellscape was connected to the original version of The Upside Down, Dimension X in a way that it's not anymore with The Upside Down because what happened November 6th, 1983 changed more than just the environment but also the workings of those dimensions since the barriers between the dimensions are now thinner.
So I see 3 possibilities for the Demogorgon, to me it is still free falling through the Hellscape being slowly turned into the Thessalhydra or somehow ended up in Dimension X instead which is still connected to The Upside Down but is seperate it's own plane in some way since The Mind Flayer still come from there or is in a version of The Upside Down that is still Dimension X outside of UD Hawkins.
But still, some things are still up for speculation for how exactly it all works out in the end.
As I said at the beginning of the post, you take Nancy's description and apply to other creatures in ST like the Meat Flayer/Spider Monster (whatever you wanna call it) of Season 3, a gaping mouth with multiple hydra-like heads who in a way also gets defeated by fireballs via Lucas and it's fireworks which we see Will throw with him but the Demogorgon also fits that description with it's own gaping mouth blooming like a flower whose petals could look like different mouths coming from it.
And in a way, it would be ironic for The Demorgorn from season 1 to be The Thessalhydra because if we follow the boys' campaign, the very thing that took Will back then, that he couldn't defeat would also be the same thing he will defeat in it's final season as some sort of karmic consequence for The Demogorgon & The UD as a whole but also as a way to tie it's final season with it's first season in a more concrete way.
It started with Will and it will end with Will.
#stranger things#stranger things 5#st5#st5 theory#stranger things 5 theory#the demogorgon#the thessalhydra#the upside down#el#el hopper#eleven hopper#jane hopper#vecna#henry creel#vecna stranger things#will byers#stranger things vecna#the mind flayer#hellscape#dimension x#stranger things five#stranger things season five#william byers#And I can't but notice how Will; El & Henry all vanish at some point of the story.#The Demogorgon as well!#Even more parellels!#But people have already noticed that with Will & El in Season 1 but nice to see it works for other cases such as Henry or The Demogorgon!#Billy and The Flayed in season 3 also fits that scenario.#And Vecna's Victims before they are discovered or Hopper also fits under that scenario as well.#Which makes me think we are going to see other vanishings in Season 5.
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ANNOUNCEMENT.
due to the obvious problems and things i have received i will be going on a semi hiatus.
Usually, breaks like this for me take like a week and im back to the old bunny.
But recently, due to my own personal problems like family and whatnot, it's been hard and receiving hate is even more pressure i have.
Maybe this is a tmi/tw, but i struggle with a bunch of suicidal related things and this fucks up my mental even more than it already is.
Yes, i will still be on the app to update about my event, my series, and my upcoming series. all those will be late. and i do apologize.
I have been on tumblr since i was 16-17 (in 2022) and i've enjoyed it since i was a writer for a different fandom.
i used to find it as a way to just calm down but now its a place i don't really wanna be in.
For any of my moots who want to connect with me, my instagram is (k.rzzo_) and i might or may not reply to dms.
this break may take on a couple weeks since writing is like an addiction to me but while im gone i hope i can have what i needed.
a release.
again, im sorry for delaying all my works but i promise ill be back.
my navi -> click
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semi-hiatus (vent warning)
Currently failing Spanish 102 and things are not getting better. In a move that I'm sure will surprise none of those who follow this blog, I am going to be taking a hiatus from any writing. Yes, another break! Another hiatus, putting off work on this blog and leaving the replies I owe to rot in my drafts. The words simply do not come out of me, and I'm still struggling with perfectionism that blocks any genuine attempts at getting anything done. I basically have to learn the entirety of Spanish, or at least the relevant information for the class, because if I fail I won't be able to graduate this semester.
It's the same damn thing every time. I've submitted a request for the counseling service provided by my college, but they have a two week waiting period due to the huge influx of students needing mental health help these days. I genuinely believe that I've reached a point where I need professional help with my writing, and that I have somekind of OCD that prevents me from simply writing the first draft without needlessly fussing over every word.
I really didn't want to have to make this post. I was holding on to the hope that things would be alright. I was hoping that everything would be okay. That I'd be able to create legitimate routines, learn how to comprehend Spanish, and that I would be able to have the time to sit back and focus and work on building this blog.
The first exam of the class is next Tuesday, September 10th. I won't lie, I'm basically spiraling at this point. Self-care is at a total minimum, and I haven't really been taking care of my health either. I'm not eating much, both out of lack of hunger and the simple fact that my household doesn't have any food available. Today alone, I've been slouched over the table in the upstairs study rooms of my college, staring at this damned screen all day. Suicidal thoughts, a bit of self-harm with a pen, it feels just as bad as organic chemistry. And the genuine possibility that I might be kicked out the house if I fail Spanish 102 isn't helping matters. I don't really have anyone to talk to either, not in-person at least. Not really even online either, but that's probably too jaded for me to say. Doubt anyone will even read this, but that understandable I guess. Everyone has their own problems, so many people do, and they can't pause and stop when they have their own concerns to deal with, especially for someone that hasn't really produced anything.
Let's just say it isn't getting better. It's not. It's getting worse. I can't be on here as much as I want to, and I'm beginning to think that I've been damaged permanently by what happened to me. My dad had lung cancer, I did everything I could, but that's all I can say about it. Even just typing that sentence has me bawling now.
I'll either pass Spanish 102 this semester or I won't. If I don't, I definitely won't take it well. I'm sorry for everything I've said about how I'd made progress, or that I'd be around to do replies only to post nothing at all. I'm not doing well and haven't been for awhile.
Hopefully things will get better. But then again, I've said that before haven't I? Time will tell. I'm sorry to everyone for the times I've wasted their time with starters or replies I haven't responded to yet. Blog isn't even finished yet, but if I pass I'll try. I promise I'll try.
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Hi everyone!! I'll be putting my blogs on semi-hiatus for now. I'll try to be around now and then but I got to put my health first for a bit! Details will be below the cut. Feel free to ask for my discord, I might make a 1x1 thing or a lil server for us to write in potentially! [ CW medical talk, hospital procedures, blood test mention ]
So. I had my check-up at the hospital yesterday. Had blood tested again last week for this, and got the results yesterday. Basically, all the values we wanted to go down have just risen once more. It's to do with my infection levels/CRP and my liver, both are still on the higher side and show no signs of lowering, and instead rose, despite it being two months now. It makes sense, cause my symptoms (muscle / joint / back and knee pain and extreme tiredness) have just worsened a tad too, so I feel kinda validated in a way as well? That I'm not making stuff up I mean, or that it's most likely not due to my brain's way of badly processing stimuli.
Either way, it's not good, so I now have a PET scan and an echo planned and they took more blood for testing. I'm honestly kinda afraid of what they could find given family history, but I also know it's better to just test and see than to just wait and do nothing. So yeah, that's my situation right now. I still go to my zoo work, and I still love it there, but I have to take a step back in multiple areas cause I just fall asleep after dinner and then sleep for 12-14 hours a day. It's just not healthy, and the lack of evening time to spend on hobbies has slowly dented my mood as well ;u; I'll try to be around at times, but I just need to watch my health for now ;u; I'll be around on discord a lot still, so feel free to ask for that! Once again thank u all for being patient with me!! care u all! <3
#after the rain ; ooc#medical talk cw#hospital procedures cw#blood test mention cw#will probably queue this a few times so more people see but yeah ;u;#if this needs further tagging let me know!
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Hey y'all!!! Been a while.... I'm going to make some content for this blog over the next couple weeks again! I might switch my bio to 'semi-hiatus,' because I don't think I'll catch up on requests, but I'll keep you all posted. I've got a couple of ideas for things to do!
I watched the new Hazbin series and finally watched Helluva Boss, so I'm going to do some content for those fandoms, but I'll probably do some old faithful content for Skulduggery and Homestuck and other favourites!
I was trying to put my finger on why I've been on so many hiatuses from this blog recently, and I do think I figured it out. I'll put it under a read more just for general themes of adulting and hardship for those who are interested in the personal details.
My partner's been very impacted by disability things lately and has been about 50% bedridden but 99% housebound. We've moved in with parents because we can't do rent on one income, and I've generally been in a bit of a caretaking role with all the chores falling on me, as well as help with planning, appointments, shopping, applications, etc.
It's just left me with not much energy left for regression dynamics: I'm personally only comfortable regressing when I'm alone in the house, and all of my caretaking energy is going to my partner instead of my earlier efforts to find a regressor to care for.
I'm still doing lots of creative things, I've mostly been focusing on my selfship blog but I'm also doing a top 100 ships series on another blog, and having fun with that! But that's why agere content specifically has been hard for me for the last year or two. I'll come back to it properly eventually, and I really do want to make more things on this blog, but that's my little life update on where I'm at.
On the plus side I'm working a lovely little office job at the moment and possibly getting into management for a pay raise! So things are going pretty well, I just need to get out of the house more lol, I forget to take care of myself sometimes.
#hark i say nothing#blog update#help the last time i came back i wasn't even around long enough to catch up with all the 'welcome back' messages#i'm so sorry everyone lol#it's been a heck of a time
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Informal Semi-Kinda-Sorta-Hiatus
So I'm realizing that I've accidentally let fandom slip into the mental realm of Chore/Work. Which is absolutely no one's fault but my own: my experiences with people in the fandoms I hang out in have been almost entirely lovely, and while I'll pat myself on the back a bit for having such fussy curation, most of it is just people being wonderful. Nobody has made me feel pressured about anything.
And yet I'm noticing that I've started treating myself like a Content Creator™ and a Social Media Manager™. I worry about things. Have I been posting often enough? (No.) Am I balancing original posts with reblogs correctly? (No.) Do I have the right meta-to-shitpost ratio? (No.) Am I active on all the platforms where I have a presence often enough? (No.) Have I replied to all my A03 comments? (I have not. I am so sorry. There are almost 40 sitting there right now oh god.) When am I going to update those WIPs? (Hell if I know.)
This past week I posted a oneshot anonymously (go find it if you wanna lol, I do NOT think it would be hard for my regulars to spot) just because...I didn't want to write the lengthy author's notes I usually do (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set). I didn't want to analyze it for every possible trigger and warn accordingly (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set [trigger warnings of course are excellent within reason but I have definitely sometimes overdone it]). I didn't want to acknowledge and justify my ridiculous characterizations (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set). I didn't want to feel guilty for writing a silly oneshot off the cuff instead of working on my WIPs (something which I know I do not have--- Well. You get the picture. Fic writing and blogging have started to feel like homework or a work assignment instead of the escapist hobby I desperately want them to be.
So what's the solution? Well, the title, really. I'm not leaving, I'm not saying I'm definitely not gonna be doing anything, I'm just...backing off a little bit. Truth is that right now I'm hyperfixated on a video game, but it's not something I have any urge to be fandom-y about (and I'm not naming it cuz I've talked to too many people offline about it who I know are also on tumblr and who I don't want finding this account lmao.) So I'm just gonna go enjoy that, whether it be for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. I'll still be on here probably every day, just more lurky than necessarily active. We're super close now to new Yuumori and I'm hoping that will kickstart that interest again. I really really want to write that omegaverse, and I really like what I have of it so far, but the drive just isn't there right now. And I haven't forgotten about Disrepute or Slow and Steady.
Anyway, hell, for all I know next week I might get struck by a sudden bolt of wild inspiration and bang out 10k words. But I'm gonna stop making myself feel bad for not being in the mood to force it.
You are all absolutely delightful, I appreciate you all so very very much, and I will be lurking in your notes. ❤️
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// I might be putting this blog on semi-hiatus bc finally after months of filling out documents, a bunch of mails, and calls I get to start my rehab for long covid/cmfs next week. I doubt I'll have enough energy to be here during treatment which will be at least three weeks.
Plus depression has been triggered again. I keep regretting choices I made in the past that made me lose contact with people I cared about. One person in particular. No one else made me feel as excited and alive as them. I thought we had a special connection but it all turned to dust over dumb mistakes I made. I still can't get over that person even after years.
Something reminded me of them lately and now I keep thinking about that whole mess again. A part of me refuses to let it go. Idk why. I need to shake this feeling off before I can focus on other things. It's pulling me down hard rn. Thoughts about not being enough, lonely, disregulated, self-destructive.
If you read this far, sorry for the sob story. Just know that I love you all and your amazing creativity. I enjoy being here, just gotta get my shit together.
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