#might get a week off in august though so we'll see if that's something

[ntshastark]

floating avatars..... save me..... .

[sissylittlefeather]

Let's Forget About the Stars: Chapter 3

A/N: Another installment for Elvis and Dove! This one is a little spicy, but don't worry, these two are still hopelessly devoted to each other.

Need to catch up? Masterlist HERE.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, cussing, masturbation (m&f), phone sex, ejaculation, oh and racism

Word count ~2.5k

They drift off to sleep together, Elvis's mind racing with plans of how and when to ask and visions of her in a white dress walking down the aisle towards him.

******

Elvis has two weeks before he has to go to Vancouver for his concert in August of '57. He and Dove spend as much time together as possible until then, even staying together at Graceland several times. They don't have sex, no matter how much they want to. He's waiting for their wedding night and even though he hasn't said it to her, she's okay with waiting. That doesn't mean they don't have their fair share of fun similar to that first night they stayed together. Still, though, she hasn't touched him and they haven't seen each other naked.

When the time finally comes for him to go to Vancouver, he takes her home to pack a bag to come along. However, he didn't think about how his manager might respond to the idea. He shows up at his house with Dove in tow only to run into the Colonel.

"Oh! Colonel, this is my girl, Dove Morningstar." The Colonel purses his lips and nods curtly at Dove. She holds her hand out for him to shake, but he doesn't take it.

"My boy, your daddy told me about this new... adventure... of yours."

"Adventure? What did Daddy tell you?" The Colonel looks at Dove, down to the overnight bag in her hands, and then back at Elvis.

"She is not joining us in Canada." Elvis looks at him shocked.

"Why the hell not?"

"She is not acceptable. I would've rather had this conversation in private, but you force my hand."

"Force your hand? Colonel, what the hell are you talking about?" Dove shifts uncomfortably.

"Jumbee, I don't have to come if it's-"

"No, Dovey, you're coming." He turns back to the Colonel. "She's coming. Or I'm not."

"My boy, the flight is booked and she doesn't have a ticket. She will not join us." Dove can feel the anger roll off of Elvis as his nostrils flare with rage.

"What the fuck is the problem, Colonel?"

"Look at her. She does not meet the standard of what a man of your caliber should date, if he dates anyone at all. Now, I am happy to arrange a date with someone appropriate, but you need to see this trip as an opportunity to move on from this silly obsession."

"Silly obsession?! I love-"

"Yes, you love her. Given enough time, that will fade. You'll see. Now, say goodbye and come with me to the airport. Someone will make sure she gets back to where she belongs." Dove looks at the ground, willing the tears not to fall. This is exactly what she has been afraid of since she met him. She turns and heads for the door with her bag in her hands.

"Wait, Dovey, no, don't leave, you're coming." He stops her at the door and she turns to face him.

"Elvis, it's really okay. I don't have to come. Maybe he's right. You're Elvis Presley. I'm just... me." He holds his hand up to her cheek firmly.

"No, honey. I'm Jumbee and you're the love of my life. I will fix this."

"Just go to Canada. We'll figure this out when you get back." He pushes his forehead to hers and closes his eyes.

"I don't wanna be without you."

"I know Jumbee, but it'll be okay. I'll be right here." He nods and kisses her deeply.

"I love you, Dovey."

"I love you too." The Colonel rolls his eyes and ushers Elvis out the door quickly. Gladys and Vernon are set to follow later, so they're still there when Elvis leaves. When Dove falls to her knees in tears in the foyer, Gladys goes to her immediately, wrapping her in a hug and pulling her to the couch to hold her as she cries. She shushes her and hums quietly. Vernon watches the way she weeps and something inside him softens. When a good amount of time has passed, he offers to take her home. She nods, defeated.

In the car, Vernon and Dove ride in silence for most of the way. As they get closer to their destination, he clears his throat and she looks over at him.

"You really love my son, don't you?" She turns and looks out the window.

"Yes. I do."

"I'm not a monster. I want him to be happy. I just worry what people will say. Surely you can understand that." She swallows deeply.

"I do. I've tried to tell him it won't be easy, but he insists that he doesn't care."

"My boy is headstrong. When he wants something, he'll do everything he can to get it, and he usually does. That's why I'm talking to you. You need to decide if you want to do what's best for him." She looks up at him. Is he suggesting what she thinks he is?

"I'm not ending this."

"Even if it means the end of his career? Think about what's most important to him. Do you want to be the reason that's taken away?" They pull up to the front of her boarding house and she looks back at Vernon.

"If he ends this for his career, I will respect that. But until he tells me himself that he doesn't want to be with me, I will be with him. Every step of the way." She opens the door and gets out of the car, walking up to the porch without looking back.

******

On the plane, Elvis and the Colonel have a similar conversation, but the Colonel is not as nice as Vernon.

"An Indian girl?! Elvis what are you thinking? You might as well be dating-"

"Stop. You seem to think I care that she isn't white. That's wrong and you know it."

"You may not care, but your fans will. Half of them will lose all respect for you. The other half will be devastated that you're unavailable. You are only you because of those fans. Do you really want to alienate them?" Elvis looks down at his hands in his lap. He knows the Colonel is right. But he loves her more than he loves his career. He looks at the Colonel sternly.

"I'm going to say this once and I hope you hear me. I would go back to being an electrician before I'd give up Dovey. We're done with this conversation."

"I hope she's worth it, my boy."

"She is."

******

Elvis performs in Vancouver to a raucous crowd and has an amazing show. He's pleased with his performance, but there's one thing missing: Dove. When he comes off the stage, he's hit with a wave of wishing she could be there to celebrate with him. He decides then and there that she will be at his next show if he has to drive her there himself.

The Colonel arranges a party for after the show and fills it to the brim with pretty girls. He's determined to distract Elvis and get his mind away from that girl in Memphis. Besides, Elvis is too old to be what he is. It's time for him to become a man.

But his efforts are all for nothing. Elvis politely greets the women the Colonel thrusts at him, signs autographs and even kisses a couple of cheeks, but nothing more. He almost seems bored with the party.

What he really is is anxious to get back to his hotel room and call Dove. He misses her so much he can barely stand it. All these other girls might as well be invisible.

"Colonel, I think I'm gonna turn in." Elvis gestures towards the door.

"No, my boy! We're just getting started! Here, have you met-"

"No. No more girls, Colonel. I'm going to bed." The Colonel leans in to Elvis's ear and whispers.

"I could always send one of them with you." Elvis snaps his head back to look the Colonel in the eye, shocked he would even suggest such a thing. He's not even sure how to respond. "It's time, my boy."

"No. It isn't. Goodnight, Colonel." With that, Elvis turns on his heel and heads out the door to go back to his room.

******

"And then he said he could send one back to my room with me?!" Elvis lays on his bed with the phone pressed to his ear.

"Wow. What did you say?" Dove is on her side in bed, holding the phone with her shoulder as she plays with the cord. She's missed Elvis so much it hurts, so hearing his voice on the phone is exactly what she's needed.

"I told him no! You know you're the only girl for me, Dovey." They sit quietly for a bit. "I wish you were here."

"I know, Jumbee, I do too. I miss you like crazy."

"I miss you too, baby." Dove smiles and lays back on her bed.

"What would we do if I was there?"

"Well, we'd be snuggled up together on this bed, for one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. And I'd be kissing you." She giggles.

"Oh, you would? Where would you kiss me?" He smiles slyly.

"Everywhere. Your neck, your cheeks, your lips..." Elvis looks down at himself and notices his dick as it hardens in his pants. What he wouldn't give to be kissing Dove right now, rubbing against her passionately.

"Mmm I would like that. Then what?" Dove's chest heaves as her heart races. She feels her arousal building between her legs, desperately wishing Elvis was there to work his magic with his hand.

"Well, then, then I-I-I would..." He trails off, wrapping his hand around his cock without thinking.

"Yeah? What, Jumbee?"

"I would touch you..." Elvis moans softly as he begins to stroke himself.

"Elvis, what are you doing?"

"Nothing... I'm just... nothing." He stops touching himself and then whimpers. "Maybe we should hang up."

"Hang up? Why?" He takes a deep breath. He knows he has to tell her, as awkward as it might be.

"I'm too... I need to... well, baby..."

"What is it?"

"I don't want to... shock you..."

"Elvis, you can tell me anything." He looks down at his rock hard cock and sighs.

"I'm too turned on. I need to... take care... of myself..."

"What? You need to...? Oh." Her mother told her that this kind of thing happens to boys sometimes. She blushes, but he can't see it.

"Yeah, so maybe we should just hang up..."

"No, I'm not ready yet. You've... finished with me before. What if you just did it now?"

"While we're on the phone?!"

"Yeah... we could keep talking..." He's quiet for a minute, thinking.

"You could... do it too..."

"What? No! I'm a girl! I wouldn't even know what to do."

"Dovey, baby, you just move your fingers on yourself the way I do." Her heart is pounding at the suggestion, but she's craving the feeling so badly.

"I wish you were here!"

"I know, baby, I do too. But just pretend it's me touching you. Sometimes I pretend it's you touching me."

"You do?" His hand slowly moves back to holding his dick.

"Mhmm. I pretend like you wrapped your pretty little hand around me and you move..."

"Would you like that? If I did that?"

"Oh, Dovey, I would love it." He unzips his pants, freeing his cock and starting to stroke it again.

"What does it feel like?"

"It feels so good. Like when I rub my finger on you and then slide it inside." She whimpers, her core throbbing with need. "Just touch yourself, baby. Make yourself feel good. I'm right here."

He moves his hand a little faster, sliding his foreskin back and forth, giving himself just the right amount of friction. Dove's hands shake as she slides her pajama shorts and panties down. Slowly, she puts her finger on her clit and moves it back and forth. She whimpers a little.

"Are you doing it? Talk to me baby." Elvis whispers breathlessly into the phone. She moves her finger more boldly, getting lost in the sensation.

"Yes, ohhh, yes I'm doing it. It feels so good."

"Good. That's good. Just imagine my finger on you, moving so fast over that little spot that makes you wild."

"Yes, Elvis! What are you imagining?"

"Oh, baby, I'm imagining your hand on me, pumping up and down, making me feel so good."

"I'd like to... try that... sometime." The thought makes him groan.

"I would love that, baby. Now, slide your finger inside, like I do." She pushes her middle finger into herself and moans loudly. He grunts, collecting some precum from his tip and rubbing it around. "Yes, baby, like that. Does it feel good?"

"It feels so good... oh God..." He pumps himself harder and faster, trying to match what he assumes is her pace and she slides her finger in and out of herself.

"Don't stop baby... I want you to cum for me..." She uses context clues to figure out what he's talking about and moves her finger over her sensitive bud faster and faster.

"Are you gonna cum too?" He nods and then realizes she can't see him.

"Y-yes baby, I'm so close, oh!"

"Me too, Elvis! Yes! Yes!"

"Fuck, Dovey, yeah baby!"

She throbs and pulses around her own finger while his hips buck and he ruins his hand with his release. They both sit on the phone breathing heavily and trying to recover from their orgasms. Finally, he speaks.

"Dovey, are you still there?"

"Mhmm. That was... I liked that..." He smiles, desperately wishing he could snuggle her and kiss her forehead.

"I miss you, baby."

"I miss you too. Come home to me soon, okay?"

"As soon as I possibly can." She smiles into the phone.

"Then I'll see you soon."

"Not soon enough. I love you, Dovey."

"I love you too, Jumbee."

******

Several days later Elvis finally gets back to Memphis. Gladys calls Dove and makes sure she's at Graceland when he gets home. Vernon watches anxiously, wondering if anything he said will make a difference.

When Elvis walks through the door, he kisses his mama first and then runs over to Dove, scooping her up to wrap her legs around him. He peppers her with kisses wildly as she giggles.

The Colonel looks at Vernon, frustrated. Elvis is oblivious as he carries her up the stairs directly to his bedroom. Gladys smiles and walks back into the kitchen, leaving Vernon and the Colonel alone together. Vernon speaks first.

"I tried to appeal to her better nature. I think she really loves him."

"I don't care if she does. This cannot continue. She will completely derail him."

"They're both pretty insistent. I'm afraid if we push them we'll make it worse."

"No. Elvis is not stupid. I'll come up with something."

"Colonel, maybe we should just let him be happy. It probably won't last anyway."

"Is that a bet you're willing to lay your son's future on?" Vernon swallows and shakes his head.

"No. It's not."

"Then I will need you on my side when I come up with something."

"Okay"

"I will be back."

******

Stay with me!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist;

@wildhorseinkansas @everythingelvispresley @ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @atleastpleasetelephone @cinnamoroll-things @burnthheparaphilia @jhoneybees @cattcb @returntopresley

[consistentlyamess]

We'll see about that ⎮Prologue

pairing(s): steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: You just wanted a fresh start but you might get more than you bargained for when the sleepy town of Hawkins lives up to its reputation.

warnings: 18+ , MDNI, canon typical violence, eventual smut, abusive relationship, brief stancy storyline, strangers to friend to lovers, pining, slowburn

A/N: I HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M TERRIFIED. so just please bear with me while I figure out what I wan to do here, I guess. 💜

Fic Masterlist

Next Chapter

---

Rolling into the small gloomy town didn’t have any of the mysterious bravado you were anticipating. No roaring clouds or looming men in black coats. But it wasn’t exactly comforting either. The sky was a little weird, dark smoke coming from somewhere. But people were outside, some cars running by, it wouldn’t have felt off in the slightest if it were the beginning of November. It was the end of August though. Granted you weren't counting on the same busy streets you were used to in Bloomigton but a few kids running around, school supplies here and there, something that indicated the start of a new school year would’ve been nice. But there was nothing like that. After the “Welcome to Hawkins HELL” sign it was like you entered a different dimension completely. The end of summer shouldn’t have felt like this. Filled with gray and goo and oozing with uncertainty.  

It did come in handy with the accommodation, not many people want to rent rooms in a town where teenagers and children go missing (if they’re lucky) on a regular basis, malls burn down and weird natural disasters seem to occur out of nowhere. You glanced at the map that was nearly dry now after having coffee spilled on it a few hours ago. Finding the street should be easy at least. The realtor lady gave an unnecessarily long-winded explanation to where you could find the house. Like she was worried that you might turn around and leave if it took more than five minutes to find the house. You wouldn’t have turned around of course. This was precisely what you were looking for. Somewhere no one else is looking for. 

The low prices, the ever vacating spots in the elementary school also worked in your favour. You were just out of college, nobody in their right mind would’ve given you a full-time teaching spot. Unless of course they desperately needed someone. It was elementary but still, it was a teaching job. A real teaching job. And it somehow seemed that maybe an earthquake or two is worth the fresh start. God knows you needed it. 

Unpacking wasn’t hard at all. Two boxes of belongings, journals, pens, paper, you still needed to buy a pair of scissors that was for sure. A box of kitchen supplies, although the lady did say that the former residents left in a hurry so there’ll be plenty of stuff left for you. About two suitcases filled with clothes and your pillow. That was about it. Packing in the kitchen you also made a note to buy some new kitchen towels. When you were finally done, you were exhausted. You considered for a minute that maybe you should just read a little and call it a day. You had a week to adjust and discover the town, but somehow you still felt restless. 

Picking up the car keys, setting out to get some dinner and maybe grab a movie, you were out the door again. Spending more time in the town, you started to get that mysterious bravado you were expecting. People were out on the streets, yes, but nobody would look you in the eyes and you could swear everybody was staring at your car when you stopped for gas. Maybe it’s just a small town, you thought, it takes time for people in places like this to get used to a new face, right? And after all, they were probably shaken by the recent tragedies that seemed to have a perverse fascination with the small town in Indiana. There was this tense atmosphere, really everywhere you went. The convenient store was a little empty and the cashier looked at you like she just caught you cheating on a test. A little suspicious, a little apprehensive, a little scolding. She didn’t even say a proper goodbye, just kind of hummed. Even though you made it a point to be very polite. Sometimes your black clothes and eyeliner throw older people off even if you're nowhere near a goth or metalhead vibe.  

Next stop was the grocery store. Get some dinner, get some breakfast and then get back home. Maybe discovering the town at this specific moment wasn’t that great of an idea after all. 

You were checking out the snack aisle, debating whether you should stack some stuff up or maybe buy just enough for that day and the next, so you would have to come back. Maybe if they see you more frequently they’ll get used to you faster. Lost in your thoughts and eyeing if they had Pringles you were alerted to your surroundings with a loud bang of your basket. 

“Oh, shit.” You said in tandem with the girl you bumped. “God, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking- 

“Oh, fuck, I can’t believe this, why do I have to be so clumsy all the time!” The girl with the dirty blonde bob exclaimed. 

You both scrambled to your knees and gathered your stuff, mostly helping the other person. 

“I’m so sorry, I was just thinking about what I should be wearing tomorrow because I have this date thing. Kind of. I don’t even know if it is a date. We’re going to the movies, but friends can go to the movies, right? So, where does that leave me? Do I put on mascara or is that trying too hard? Do I wear a skirt? I don’t even own a skirt! I could always borrow one from Nancy, but the mere thought of pink and ruffles makes me want to hurl and- Jesus, and now I’m rambling and you don’t wanna hear this and- I don’t know you.” 

You chuckled a little. 

‘It would be weirder if you did. I just arrived today, and you didn’t bother me at all. This is like the third place I’ve visited today and you're kind of the only person who’s not acting like I’ve already committed a crime when I wasn’t planning on doing that for at least two more weeks.’

She stares at you with a little crooked smile in the corner of her mouth and wide eyed. 

‘I’m joking of course.’ You tried to backtrack immediately when you didn’t get a reaction. ‘I’m not planning on committing any crimes! Unless you guys consider returning a library book too late a felony.’ She was still just staring and blinking at her. ‘Also a joke, sorry. God, I��m on fire today.’ You muttered to yourself. 

‘Oh, my God, I haven’t said anything in so long! Those were good jokes, just- I’m just- why are you here?’ 

You were taken aback by the question. So that’s it. This is what everyone's thinking upon seeing you here. That there must be something wrong with you. Or you have some ulterior motives for moving here. Not like they’re wrong, but jeez, they could cut a girl some slack. 

‘Wow, very straightforward.’ You chuckled again awkwardly, trying to delay your answer as much as possible. 

‘No, I mean, I’m just surprised. We don’t get a lot of new residents these days.’ 

‘Fair enough.’ You took a deep breath, contemplating what to say exactly. ‘Well- 

‘Oh, Robin. Robin Buckley.’ the girl said, giving her a little wave. 

‘Well, Robin, I just finished university and my training as a teacher. I have a fuck ton of student debts and believe it or not, not many schools are looking for a teacher with no experience. So, here I am. The children of Hawkins Elementary will have to make due with yours truly. And besides, I don’t scare that easily.’ You tried a little mischievous smile and much to your surprise and delight, it worked. The freckled girl lit up a little and gave her a good, full mouthed grin. 

‘Okay. I think you’ll fit right in.’ 

You laughed at that. 

‘Sorry, what was your name again?’ 

You reminded her that you never really told her your name, which now you did. 

‘But my friends usually just call me Peach. I used to talk a lot about peaches when we realized I’m allergic to them, and it just kinda stuck.’

‘It was very nice to meet you, Peach! If you need any advice on the coolest spots or the lamest ones, maybe in a bookstore or something, just ask.’ 

‘Actually, I might take you up on that right now. I wanted to rent some movies for tonight and I heard there’s a video store in town but I haven't found it yet.’ You haven't tried that hard either,but she doesn't have to know that. The first person who was nice to you all day. You need this.  

‘You, my friend, have come to the exact right place! Come on!’ She just headed for the cashier. 

‘Well, I guess no Pringles for me then.’ You whisper below your nose.

‘Shit, sorry, I didn’t even ask if you were done!’ Robin turned around and rushed back. 

You found her very endearing. She was younger. Not by a lot, but just enough that you could feel it in her tone, see it in her gangly limbs and hear it in her rambling. She was like a puppy dog that was still trying to find its footing in the world. 

‘You’re okay, just gonna grab some Pringles.’

‘That’s my favourite too!’ She exclaimed again and this makes her look even younger. Finding such joy in such a simple thing. Something you don’t remember doing in a long time. 

‘Great, then I’ll know who to blame when they run out’ you said jokingly.

‘God, you’re good.’ Robin grinned once more and you felt like this town might not be so gloomy after all. 

***

‘Oh, and there’s of course Lovers Lake but...’ she trails off for a second there. ‘Yeah, no one really goes there since the, well, you know the murders last year.’ 

‘Okay, so Enzo’s is a yes, Family Video is a yes and Lovers Lake is a ‘you really should know better’. Sounds about right?’ 

‘That’s exactly right!’ 

Robin has been catching you up on the town’s intricacies for the past 10 minutes as you walked towards the video store. 

‘And what kind of movie were you thinking?’ 

‘Oh, I don’t really know. I’m a little wiped from the drive, so nothing heavy. No double features. I live alone and haven’t really gotten used to the place yet, so no horror either. Just the thought of romance currently has shivers running up my spine, so a strong no to that too. I’ll have to go with some action or comedy, I think. Back to Future and Ghostbusters never disappoint.’ 

‘Bad breakup?’ 

‘Huh?’ 

‘You just said romance makes your spine tingle or whatever. Bad breakup?’ 

‘Uhm, yeah, sort of.’ You don’t wanna say anymore but you also don’t want to look like you’re hiding something. It’s not even that. You’re just trying to forget. ‘But it’s a long and not exactly happy story.’ 

‘No, I get it. Breakups are a bitch. Not that I know that much about it.’

‘I mean, how much do you really have to know? You loved someone and they loved you and it’s not like that anymore. It sucks whichever way you cut it.’

Robin hummed at that and became very quiet. You were worried that maybe you struck the wrong chord with what you just said. 

‘If you haven’t broken up tho, we probably never would’ve met, have we?’

‘That's a good point Robin.’ You smiled at her and looped an arm in hers. ‘Now come on, show me where the goods are!’ 

‘Please, don’t get your hopes up too much, we don’t have anything that isn’t at least two months old and our manager is a bit of an asshole but I’m sure you’ll find something and Dingus is not half bad at this anymore either.’ 

‘Dingus?’ 

‘You’ll find out in a second’ she said pushing in the door.

‘Sorry, we’re closing in five minutes. Please come back tomorrow or be very quick ‘cause I have to pick someone up. Thank you!’ you heard someone calling from the back. 

‘Calm down Dingus, it’s just me and my new best friend.’ 

A messy brown haired boy popped up from behind the counter. 

‘What?’ 

‘Peach, this is Steve, Steve this is Peach. Peach is new in town and Steve’s a dingus.’

‘Hey!’ the boy said, indignant.

‘She’s gonna figure it out sooner or later, might as well get it out of the way.’ 

The way they talked to each other was very sibling-like. You didn’t have any yourself but your best friend in high school had three and this was mostly the way they communicated with each other. Not very veiled insults and teasing. Classic. And also highly entertaining for everyone involved, if done correctly. 

‘Sorry, I don’t wanna keep you away from your date, I just wanted to rent a movie for tonight.’ 

‘Oh, he’s not going on a date’ the moment the frackled girl spoke up, Steve started to give her his best ‘please shut up’ eyes, but she didn’t notice. Unlike you, who definitely did. He wasn’t subtle. ‘He’s just picking up his other friend, who happens to be a 14 year old.’ 

You couldn’t not chuckle at that even though you really tried, seeing as the boy in front of you had a pained look in his eyes and a bit of a blush on his cheeks. 

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. Also, I’m not one to talk. I chose a whole ass career that requires me to spend hours upon hours with children, so…’ you shrugged as a way to indicate, you didn’t really have a good closing thought for that sentence. 

‘Are you a babysitter?’ The boy asked with furrowed brows and a tilted head. He didn't look unlike a goden retriever puppy.

‘No, dude, she’s a teacher! Isn’t that awesome?’ 

‘A teacher? Aren't you, like, way too young for that?’

‘You guys have very little scrupulous about what you can and can’t say, huh? But to answer your question, yes and no. I just graduated, but this place was losing teachers so fast, they needed an arts teacher, like, yesterday, so here we are. Also I did everything early.’ 

‘How old are you by the way, if you don’t mind me asking’ Robin chimed in now.

‘I’m 23. I have a good 10 years before I start being precious about my age, I think.’

He let out a light laugh and you took it as all clear for the laugh earlier. 

‘Okay, so did you guys just come here to annoy me or can I help you with something?’ 

‘Oh, yeah, sorry, I was looking for a movie for tonight and Robin offered help.’ 

‘Great, what’s the mood, what are we thinking? Winding down after a long day with a glass of wine? Or are you looking for some excitement? Maybe a date night?’ 

This time you’re the one to miss the curious glint in the boy’s eyes, while Robin catches it and squints at Steve’s sneaky inquiry. 

‘Oh, first one for sure. I’ve had enough excitement for one day and if I had a date I’d either need a lot more or a lot less snacks. So, just some classic entertainment for me today. You know, Risky Business, Raising Arizona, Back to the Future, something like that.’

‘Really? Back to the Future?’ 

‘What? You didn’t like it?’ 

‘It’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just a weird movie.’ 

‘Okay, the mom falling in love with her son part gets a little dicey at places but I love the concept, the DeLorean is a crazy cool car and Michael J. Fox is a total cutie. It’s a future classic.’ 

‘Huh, maybe I should give it a second chance.’ 

‘I might be biased but you definitely should. But only after I brought it back.’

‘Of course, ladies first, always.’ Now he smiles with something more than a little mischief. ‘Uhm, I’ll go get it for you, just stay here.’ It's not lost on you that the boy is pretty. But you know his type. It's the type you have stay cautious with. The dangerous type. At least for you.

‘So, what are your plans for the week?’ Robin asks as Steve disappears between the rows. 

‘Not much really, just wanna get a little more situated and used to the town before starting school. I still have to buy some supplies, I’m big on reward stickers, I have to make sure, I always have them on me.’

‘And there we go, one Back to the Future for you’ he smiles. ‘Now I just need a couple basic information from you. Full name, address, date of birth aaand a phone number.’ 

You give your info to him and he rings you up. 

‘Well, it was lovely meeting you guys, and you know, I guess I’ll see you around.’

‘Sure, and if you need help with anything else-

‘Enzo’s is a yes, Family Video is a definitely and Lovers Lake is a ‘you should know better’, got it.’ 

‘I mean, Lovers Lake gets a bad rep, but as long as you don’t want to swim it’s a great spot for a picnic or just hanging out’ Steve chimes and Robin squints again. 

‘Huh. Alright, well, I guess I’ll just have to see for myself.’ You say your goodbyes and you start heading for the door but turn back as you suddenly think of something. 

‘Hey, if this is too much, just say so, and I’ll go and we don’t have to talk about this ever again, but would you guys want to come around for like a housewarming dinner sometime? I know it’s probably too early but I don’t have any friends, or know anyone here, really, and you guys seem cool. I’m a decent cook and I can buy alcohol absolutely legally and I don’t have any board games, but I can buy some, or charades or whatever’ you knew you were rambling, but you couldn’t help it. You were tired and you hated to admit it but also a little bit lonely. You went out on a limb here, something that you arguably maybe did too much. But to your surprise they perk up.

‘Yeah’ Steve says with a hint of a smile. ‘What time were you thinking?’

‘How about Saturday, say around 7?’ 

‘It’s a date, we’ll be there, right Robs?’

‘Sure, we’ll bring desserts and oh, we could introduce you to a couple of our friends? Or maybe that’s too overwhelming. But it’s just a couple people and they’re all great, I promise. I mean, they’re little shitheads sometimes but they’re great.’

‘Yeah, oh my God, that sounds awesome! Can’t wait! And you have my address now, right?’ You raise an eyebrow at Steve. 

‘Y-Yeah, we do, see you then. And just for the record, I can buy alcohol legally as well.’

‘Hm. Good to know.’ 

You’re giddy with your plans and have a spring in your step as you walk back to the car, blissfully unaware of Robin scolding Steve behind you.

‘Stop that.’

‘What? I’m not doing anything.’

‘Is it a date night? Lovers Lake? We don’t ask for anybody’s phone number and then you sign off with ‘it’s a date’? You’re not slick Harrington.’ 

‘Oh, shut up, those were just… I was just making conversation.’

‘Uh-huh, sure thing Casanova.’ 

‘Okay, maybe I was testing the waters a little. So what? I’m single, from what I understand, she is too, it’s not a crime.’ 

‘You’re also in love with Nancy. And she seems way too cool and way too nice for you to break her heart. Not that Brenda deserved to get her heart broken, but she was always a little mean in high school, so I’m biased.’

‘I didn’t break Brenda’s heart, she just liked Nate more and I’m not in love with Nancy.’ 

‘Fine, but you’re sure as shit not gonna break hers either. And don’t tell me, you’re not still hung up on Wheeler, cause I can see the look in your eyes, every time that obnoxious pizza van rolls into the parking lot. Also I think she might just have gone through a rough breakup or something.’

‘Who? Nancy?’

'No, Dingus, Peach!' Robin says as he swats at his chest.

'Oh.'

‘Yeah, she didn’t like say it-say it, but mentioned something in the parking lot that sounded a lot like it. So, just, you know, tread lightly, okay? 

***

As you drive back home, that spooky feeling and mysterious bravado strike again. It wasn’t dark just yet but the sun was much lower in the sky and the empty streets felt colder somehow. You usually loved sunsets but there was something unnatural about the hue of orange and red today, and you did not like it one bit. 

‘This is okay, you’re okay.’ You muttered to yourself, as you looked into the rearview mirror. ‘This is exactly what you came here for, you’re not chicken shit, you’ve dealt with much worse, just get it together.’ 

You rested your head against the steering wheel for a second. Almost unconsciously, as a routine or a mantra you reach for the glove compartment. Opening it, you reach inside and immediately relax as you find the Colt in there. You let out a long exhale and finish the routine with checking the bullets and the safety. You shove it in your bag and head inside the house.

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm having a rough time, and editing Seasons has been one of my only solaces lately. I've been wanting to work on other stories, but my heart just hasn't been in it. I don't think those side stories for Geckos are getting published in August, either. I don't even have them finished. I might work on them a bit this weekend during the lull. We'll see if I have energy?

About to get TMI and personal, though I don't want to get into some of it. I just know I want to make myself small and unseen and not a problem/burden, bc I sure as hell feel like one. I relate pretty hard to Shannon's character for a reason. :') (Right down to the suicide thoughts and attempts.) Anyway. My health plunged recently. My fibro has been in a real bad flare the past... Week and a half, I think? It has been excruciating at times. I call it my hugs of pain bc it really loves my upper back/right arm (all the way down from neck/shoulder to my fingertips). And I have no idea if I'm menstruating right now (I think I might be) bc I've been bleeding nearly every fucking day since I got an IUD inserted in late June. I've had these almost contraction-like pains but more focused on the right side of my abdomen. That's where I have a cyst that's nearly 3" in size, confirmed by an ultrasound the same day the IUD was put in. I get them frequently, but idk if it's the size of this one or the IUD or a mixture of both, but I'm having a rough time of things. I've called about it and thought the pain had eased up, but it keeps coming back. And yes, I do know what contractions feel like, so don't dare come at me for saying I'm describing something I've never been through. Financially, I just... I am struggling like hell and I'm so sick of it. I'm worn out from all this pain I'm in, but I'm still trying to do things like write (which is falling flat on its butt outside of Seasons), work my weekend job, keep things clean, run errands, and think of merchandise ideas for the tables I sell at. It's all complicated. Oh, I have been playing Wylde Flowers as a distraction too, though that kind of went weird when we had a tornado warning and I had to shut it off??? It was very unexpected, and luckily it didn't hit my area - well the derecho did, but the tornado was huge just very short-lived. Thank goodness. It was down and up again, I think. I thought I might deal with them less in Iowa but now I'm missing Kansas! Speaking of... the worst thing about this entire fucking financial situation is that I can't afford a house so I can get my dog back. My mom sends me frequent photos of him (and her dog too but I don't miss her that much tbh). He's such a good boy and I miss his sweet hugs and stinkiness. :( Yes, I miss him being stinky. Leave me alone. My dog is the best, and now that I work in a place where I see dogs and get to pet a few of them every day, I miss him even more. But he wouldn't adjust to apartment life. He's a pyrenees mix who weighs over 112 lbs right now, and he hates being photographed but will actually let my mom take them now if she says they're for me. ;A; Sweet boy! BEST BOY. God I miss him and he's turning ten in October and I'm afraid he's gonna get old and pass away before I get him back.

[spaceorphan18]

Just saw bridgerton s4 might not be out till Aug 2026. Do you think with how long it takes between seasons for shows these days changes fandom culture?

August? Geez, show, why such a long post production?

Oh, 100% yes.

There is something incredibly unique about watching a show week to week. It gives fans a chance to digest things in pieces. For people to speculate and write fic and talk and there's something exciting about having a /thing/ to do day to day.

It also makes the wait for the next season a little easier.

But I mean - let's look at Stranger Things -- which was a huge phenomenon. And, while I'm sure with the final season coming out, it'll be well watched, and probably be number one in netflix numbers again, once every one does? The show will kind of die out. No one really thinks about Stranger Things except for the small window that Stranger Things is on and culturally relevant.

And (unfortunately) Bridgerton will be the same way. I'm kind of surprised, actually, that there so many people still here and wanting to discuss the show (I figured it'd drop off a lot around July - and it did, but there are still so many people! Which is great!).

I think Bridgerton's anthology aspect is a double edged sword. It might be easier for the general audience, who doesn't feel like they have to really pick up things from the previous seasons, and just enjoy the next love story. (Kind of like books!) But, I don't know if the interest will be there in ten years, which would be how long it'd take to get to Season 8.

[I honestly don't see Netflix holding it that long. The numbers on the show are strong, and Season 3 specifically were strong, but the minute those numbers dip, Netflix is pulling the plug. If they were smart, they'd combine Fran and Eloise's stories to 5 and Greg and Hy's in 6 and tie it up while people are still interested -- though I do know the show runner already said they weren't going to do that, so... Sorry youngest Bridgeys, you probably won't be getting your story told.]

But I mean, I ultimately don't know. I wasn't in fandom since the beginning, I don't know the cycles (yet). And Polin is unique in that it's a ship that's been around since the beginning and has a story moving forward, so there's a little more to chew on. But I guess we'll see.

[literaticat]

Dear Jenn, I have heard different agent sub strategy wisdom. Examples like not submitting on a Monday always Tuesday. No submitting during the summer. No subs in December (last two weeks are understandable). No submitting during ALA/ Bologna etc. Subs get buried in the after Labor Day/ New Years dump. What is your take on this? Do editor subs not work like agent subs where they get in the queue, and they get to them by some process? Do these things matter? Thanks for your infinite wisdom.

I do think people submitting to agents VS agents submitting to editors is a different beast.

When you are submitting unsolicited material to an agent's slush pile, it's essentially going into a holding area, and the agent looks when they have time. So it doesn't really matter if you send it on Christmas Day or in the middle of the night (or both!) -- we get hundreds of queries a week, we're not looking at when it was sent, we'll get to it when we get to it.

However, agent / editor relationships are a little different. For the most part, we KNOW each other. Editors get a lot fewer submissions than agents do queries -- plus, It's solicited material -- we're sending our publisher colleagues things that they have asked for. It's going directly to their inbox, not to some holding pen. (And our sincere hope is that after they get it, the email is not simply being chucked into a bin -- though it might be, depending on how busy they are!)

I am, therefore, treating a submission to editors not as though it's just any old random email -- I'm treating it as though it is a special delivery chosen for them. I would like for them to actually be able to see it when it comes in.

So, with that in mind, etiquette-wise: I would NEVER send at a random non-work day or hour. I would never send after noon on a Friday. I would never send over the weekend or on a major holiday or another time when I know for a fact that most editors are out of the office.

(It's just common sense, right? Why would I send flowers to somebody when I know they aren't going to be home until next week?)

Plus: if THEY are at ALA or Bologna or celebrating 4th of July or whatever it is -- I probably am, too! I know that travel and holidays take me time to decompress from -- so why would I throw my precious submission in the mix first thing in the morning on the day after the event when they will have a backlog of stuff to go deal with -- I wouldn't like that, why would they?

At the end of the day -- it's not onerous to wait a beat to send something. Nothing we do is so important or urgent that it MUST be sent IMMEDIATELY. I'd rather take my time and send when they will be most likely to receive it gratefully rather than annoyedly -- and when they will be most likely to actually SEE it rather than it getting buried under a thousand other emails. :-)

—

ETA: You asked about Summer and December. FOR ME, the only times that submissions are literally not going to happen are the last two weeks of December through the week of New Years, and right around major holidays: Thanksgiving, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, and the end of August through Labor Day. If I have something special I want to send widely at the END of summer, I might suggest holding off until after Labor Day — or if it’s close to Thanksgiving/early Dec, I’d rather just wait until January. This is for two reasons: One, editors tend to want to “clear the decks” in preparation for September and January — we are all still on school time, I think! Two, because there are few or no publisher meetings during these times as many bosses are on vacation — and if they can’t bring it to a meeting, they can’t buy it.

(That would NOT necessarily be the case with every project - an option book, R+R or very limited submission might go out — but a wide submission that could potentially turn into an auction, I would prefer to wait until there’s not going to be something interrupting the proceedings. It would suck if we lost momentum because of a holiday break!)

Does it matter? Maybe not, at the end of the day, but I still personally would rather err on the side of TOO mindful rather than not mindful enough. So I have my little submission superstitions, and I think most other agents do, too. And hey, it’s served me pretty well so far!

[acourtofthought]

Apropos of nothing, it's just something I was ruminating on because as much as I rag on Az, I do think he has a soft heart underneath it all that wants to help people and that makes me all mushy for him. I know people want to make the scene where Az rescues Elain purely romantic (and sure it CAN be read as such) but after reading ACOSF and piecing together the timeline, Az is practically fresh out of Sangravah, he saw the absolute horrors inflicted on the priestesses and what was done to Gwyn so like... OF COURSE he's gonna wanna haul ass out to save Elain? I don't think for a second has nothing to do with the possessive mate thing like so many of them want it to be (re: the argument az didn't jump to save gwyn from the rite like he jumped to save elain from hybern) Like why would he NOT volunteer to rescue her immediately after seeing those nightmares first hand?? He would have done the exact same thing for Mor or literally any of the women in the IC because that's the kind of guy that he is (also might I add that he didn't lose control in the Hybern camp and go feral and kill everyone like he did at Sangravah, when, as spymaster, he absolutely should have taken some hostages 👁️)

Wow, you bring up such a good point and something I never considered!

Feyre's birthday is the longest night of the year (so December 21st).

Her wedding ceremony was 2 weeks later, around January 4 and Rhys called in their bargain for the first time which takes us to January 11.

One month later he called in the bargain again which takes us to say, February 11.

One week after that she escapes to the NC for good (February 18) where she sleeps through at least one night.

Rhys flew Feyre to the HOW for the first time where we get confirmation Sangravah was attacked three days prior so we'll say he rescued Gwyn on about February 16.

ACOWAR starts in June however a few weeks pass while Feyre remains and until Az / Cassian save Feyre as she's being dragged across the ice by her hair wrapped in bands of fire.

Estimates have ACOWAR ending August which is when Az and Feyre rescue Elain.

6 months have passed since he walked in on Gwyn's assault.

2 months have passed since he witnessed Feyre being drug by her hair, bound and gagged.

We get our first hints of Azriel's savior complex in ACOMAF:

Azriel just shook his head. “I’ll go. The Prison sentries know me—what I am.” I wondered if the shadowsinger was usually the first to throw himself into danger.

We get proof of Azriel's need for heroics later in the series, to be the protector:

toward Mor and Azriel—“to monitor me.” So this was where Azriel had gone—right to the loft. To no doubt spare Mor from enduring Amren Duty alone. But Amren’s tone … cranky, yes, but perhaps a bit of a front, too. To banish that too-fragile gleam in Cassian’s eyes. “We’re not monitoring you,” Mor said, tapping her foot on the carpet. “We’re monitoring the Book.” (Mor was monitoring the Book yet Az insisted on joining her)

“Call off your dog,” Amren said with that lethal tone. Because the shadow in the corner behind Amren … that was Azriel. The obsidian hilt of Truth-Teller in his scarred hand. He’d moved without my realizing it—though I had no doubt the others had likely been aware.

The argument with Rhys this morning had been swift and brutal: Azriel insisted he could fly—fight with the legions, as they’d planned. Rhys refused. Cassian refused. Azriel threatened to slip into shadow and fight anyway. Rhys merely said that if he so much as tried, he’d chain Azriel to a tree. And Azriel … It was only when Mor had entered the tent and begged him—begged him with tears in her eyes—that he relented. Agreed to be eyes and ears and nothing else.

Not that he's does these things for fame or glory, I think he does them because it's the only way he feels worthy. Like it's his penance to pay in order to remain part of his family.

We know he wasn't there to save Mor or stop the way his mother was treated. He wasn't there to stop what happened to the priestesses in time. And he was nearly too late to save Feyre, the last two things being very recent.

So here we have this other female who he sees is in need of saving and he's sitting there watching Nesta and Cassian debate her fate and it's really not that surprising, knowing what we know of Az, that he jumped in to volunteer, despite the danger. Danger has never once mattered to Az.

In the right circumstances, a male coming to rescue the female could be romantic, but in this instance and when you look at the entire picture and who Az is as a character (not to mention the evidence that he's still not over Mor at that time), his rescue of Elain is anything but.

To me, he doesn't look at Elain as wanting to save her because it's her. He wants to save her for a chance to find some sort of redemption because of all the other females he was unable to save in time and I think that has played a small part in why he eventually gravitates toward her. Because she represents his personal triumph, the time he wasn't too late. And as with everything in the E/riel setup, it always seems to be more about him and his issues than Elain as an individual.

Thanks for bringing up such a great point!

[sheliesshattered]

I've been sewing so much that I keep forgetting to take pictures and post an update about my progress. In the last five days since my last post I have:

Hand-sewn the final hem for the overdress!

Sewn on the round flat beads at the wrists and the lacing points to the ends of the front laces!

There's one small adjustment I'd like to make to the neckline trim, and then do the beading on top of it if I get time, but for now I'm calling the overdress officially done. (Though certainly in need of a good ironing.)

With that checked off my list, it was time to turn my attention to the underdress -- in the two pics directly above, I had the underdress on the hanger with the overdress so I could mark how much length to remove from the neckline, armscye, and skirt hems.

Buuut since I also needed to cut some silk organza for the overlap flaps at center back of the underdress, I also took a small detour to make a little bag to carry all my stuff around at con:

It's lined with the same organza as the underdress is made of, and has pockets for my phone, card case, and purell, and a bit of space besides to carry other stuff like chapstick and whatever else. If I end up with time at the end of the month I might fancy up the drawstrings a bit, but eh the whole point was to have something simple that will hold my stuff and blend into my dress. (And then I pattern-matched on the side seams anyway because I have zero chill.)

With that out of the way, it was time to really focus on the underdress. I got those flaps for the center back cut out and sewn on, and all the raw edges finished since they tend to be a bit itchy. Once those were on I was able to mark out how much I wanted to remove from the neckline and armscyes so that they don't stick out under the overdress, trim those back and start handsewing them down. As of tonight the armscyes are done, and the neckline is trimmed and ironed into place (which was more of a pain than I thought, and took almost an hour all on its own) and the handsewing started:

That lowest part of the V is actually center back, and the darker section folds over to overlap with the other side. Once the neckline is all in place I'll tack down the pointy outer corner (and the matching one on the other side) to the edge of the neckline. This will keep the neckline nice and fitted, but let the center back section open freely so the whole thing goes on over my head easily. It'll also give a nice, opaque, no-skin-showing underlayer right beneath the back lacings of the overdress, without actually having any closures of its own.

Once the neckline is done and the back flaps tacked down, it'll be time to really finish up the seam finishes that I've been handsewing off and on since, oh March or so, lol. I have all of them finished to about hip level, and since the skirt seams all are straight, I'm hoping I'll be able to iron them in place and either handsew them much faster or just machine sew them, we'll see. Last thing for the underdress will be the hem for the skirt, but since the overdress's hem went fairly smoothly with fabric that is much more fiddly, I'm hoping that the hem for this one will go pretty quick, too.

There's one bit of construction that I need to do for the jewelry, and I need to finally actually style the wig, but I'm starting to feel close to the finish line for Rhaenyra. Like I said earlier, I would really love to get the beading at the neckline done too -- but not as much as I would like to have all my other costumes pulled together, so that will definitely be a late August thing, if I get to it at all.

Ideally I would like to have all of the underdress sewing done by Thursday or Friday so that I can shift gears and start working on sewing the shorts for my Harley Quinn mashup. I've got five four weeks and a couple of days to finish everything, so if I can spend one week on this underdress, one week on Harley Quinn, and one week on all the wig work (five in total), I'll still have two weeks and change roughly 10 days to get to all the various detail work that I've been putting off. I'll try to remember to take pictures and post updates as I make progress!

[inkofamethyst]

April 2, 2024

daylist: reading orchestra tuesday afternoon (unwinding, zen, composer, atmospheric, film score)

2024 Early Year Bops!

god I've discovered so much new music these past couple of weeks, but there are def some standouts

Full Moon - Avi Kaplan

Sun I Will Rise - Dune Moss

Stampede - Bitter Ruin

The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace - The Amazing Devil

Fire with Fire - AlicebanD

From the Start - Laufey

Oh My - Ava Swan, Christian Dias

Wait for Me - Hadestown

Blood Upon the Snow - Hozier, Bear McCreary

Lament of Orpheus - Darren Korb, Ashley Barret

And some instrumentals/vgm <3

The City Must Survive - Piotr Musial

Havet - Joel Bille

Mountain Banjo - Rhiannon Giddens

One (somewhat facetious) question though, how will I be able to properly appreciate each song if I discover like ten new favorites a week? Like there's so much music out there to enjoy and I'm having a bit of trouble conceptualizing how I'm going to go about doing that effectively (read, the way I've been doing for years). Well.. I don't want to be so closed off to new music anymore, I don't think. So something's going to have to change. We'll see how long it lasts.

I really can be such a child sometimes.

I listened through Cowboy Carter with my literature-, cello-, and photo-friend over the weekend. A really really great album, and it was actually a lot of fun (though at times tedious) to discuss each song individually (had to actively not compare myself to my literature-friend who was obviously going to have more poignant thoughts because she literally studied how to do exactly that for four years while I was measuring bones and centrifuging bovine serum albumin). It had something to say and took risks (well, as much of a risk as you can take as an uber-successful artist who could live after a flop). Initial favorites include Protector, Daughter, Riverdance.

Was thinking about how to best go about learning the bass to make it the most conducive to improvisation and ~jamming~. I get so in my head when I improvise on flute and sax that I simply can't, and I don't want to be like that on my the bass. Right now, I'm wondering about minimizing the importance of note names and instead focusing on making the instrument feel like an extension of my body is the way to go. Because after learning my way around the neck, I imagine that associating note names to frets should be a quick memorization task. Not neglecting scales, but maybe just not emphasizing their names (C, Bb, F, etc) as much as their modes(?) (chromatic, major, pentatonic, etc) and getting comfortable with the feeling across the neck + playing by ear.

Today I'm thankful that Southwest announced a sale just as I was thinking about buying tickets to go home sometime this summer! I bought a trip for early July (specifically due to a dentist appointment lol) but am thinking that I might also buy a late August trip too since they're fairly low right now and I wouldn't lose money if I happened to have to cancel/swap. Also thankful for the "tax return" which has meant that I don't have to dig into savings for this.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Lil rant about goals and future plans 😇

Ok so I've been here for a week and it's been a really nice time visiting family and I'm grateful to be living this life that gives me all this free time and opportunity to do whatever I want, back when I had an apartment and a "real job" I could only visit my family for holidays and it never felt like enough, but now I get like any significant time off work and I feel guilty if I'm not spending it with my family, even though there's other things I want to be doing... (Like what? Camping alone in the woods? /Kinda but there's always time for that between gigs etc) - enjoy this time and relax about it. Just feeling antsy bc I've been here a week and I'm kinda feeling like I might need to get out and go somewhere, but where, idk. I still need to visit my brother and my grandparents, I desperately need to clean the van, gotta make a mechanic appointment for next week, etc.

Also feeling antsy about going back to work which is hilarious bc like March, April, May, had barely any days off work besides driving all day traveling between gigs; was begging the universe to give me some time off to relax and vibe and whatever and now here I am with 2 months straight which was unexpected and I'm still kinda salty about it haha. But I'm one month down, one month to go, maybe I should be using the time a little better... I mean I'm working on projects which are mostly done, and I think next week I'll take care of the van things (cleaning, organizing, mechanic) and then D will be coming to visit so I'll either be here where he can meet my dad or I'll be at my brother's where we'll have more space/privacy to ourselves; we'll see!

I think the main thing is, I gotta get focused on my goals. What exactly are my goals?? I'm feeling a super lack of confidence lately and it's hard to know how to direct my energy right now. (I say that as if it's ever been different in my entire life lmao.) Usually I just focus on losing weight as if that'll somehow magically get my life in order Oh Yeah I'm Doing That Right Now 😅

Thinking ahead: July is free. August should be at least half filled if all goes well, and then some time to explore/camp in the northeast where it hopefully won't be too hot. September?? Who knows, but making my way towards Texas. October will have work in Texas, November December January should be full of work in Florida. So this is like my last solid free month and I should be getting my van situated, getting my business off the ground, working on my confidence and organization and planning and whatnot. I've been dilly dallying on that bc I lack the confidence and it's easier to avoid everything than to try something new, but it feels so good once you get past that and get started !!!

Maybe I'll lose 10 pounds and cut my hair and start wearing makeup again and get my clothes worked out where they all look cool/good/not like a hobo dad lolol. Maybe that'll give me confidence. Maybe it's time to reinvent my image and personality and break up with this guy I've been low-key ghosting and start putting effort into myself again. Maybe I need to focus on spirituality and prioritize wellness (how boring). Maybe I need to dive into a new skill and get really good at it over the next couple years. Who knows!!!!

I want to build things and paint things and make fun wearable crafts and make YouTube videos with my own music and vibes. I have enough work to pay the bills, if a side business can make enough money just to buy supplies to keep itself going, that's all I need. I want to go out west again, maybe I'll do that in February. Maybe I'll upgrade to an RV. The point: I have ideas and dreams and goals and this is my time to start working on them while I have the space. I have 4 weeks left....... I have money in the bank to get these things started. Make a plan, one step at a time, check things off the list. Clean the van and get it back in shape to start fresh this season. Call that guy and tell him it's not working right now. Stop avoiding. Relax and enjoy the ride!!!! Be grateful for this space and time with my dad. Use this time to your advantage, ask for help with business planning.

Tomorrow I'm going to paint my lil pottery pieces from the garden clay, they didn't turn out great but I have another batch that I'm trying a different process and we'll see how it goes, it's a fun experiment and at the very least I'm gonna make some decorative charms for myself to remind myself that it's fun to make things and try new things just for the heck of it :)

Priorities: exercise, taking care of the van, getting the business first steps rolling. 4 weeks left until the next chapter launches! Stop wasting days! (No days have been wasted but you know what I mean). Stop avoiding and start living.

Above all: life is really good!!! I'm so glad and grateful that I created this life for myself, imagine 3 years from now when my business is rolling and work is flowing and things are just like this except 10 steps better! Plant the seeds now and let the trees grow and in 5 years we'll have plenty of shade!!! Reminding myself that I've been dreaming about all these things for years and it's time to start working towards them. Reminding myself of where I was 3 years ago and how far I've come. Everything is working out, literally, and this is just the next step. What's the motivation? (PLJBF). Living a full and fun life. Feeling good about myself when people ask "what do you do"/"where do you live" ; offering gifts to the world for the sake of the process. Embracing the challenge, trying something new, giving myself the space to see what happens when I actually put myself out there. Is it an ego thing? Maybe. Is it for the sake of the challenge? A little bit. Is it just another girl in pursuit of happiness and a life on her own terms? Absolutely. There are many ways to show up in the world and I'm ready to be a confident independent strong smart capable leader. I'm ready to actually try and succeed. I am good enough and I know I can do it, getting started is the hardest part, staying focused and organized is the second hardest part, I know I can work with those challenges and make something happen. Let it flow. Relax. First: I'm here and I'm grateful and I'm ready to make the most of it.

Thank you, I love you ❤️

[bearded-shepherd]

Let's Talk: GOP August 23 2023 GOP Debate

Haven't done an LT in a while, but some quick thoughts about all the potential candidates from last night's shit show we called a debate.

Let's start off with all of them being cowards when it comes to supporting Trump or not and this is all just a VP debate.

Ron Desantis: Meatball Rhonda as Trump said; my thoughts are... He did exactly as I expected. Dead straight in the middle, deflecting questions, and filibustering. He really did not want to answer the climate change question but he was ready to put our troops within allied borders. Not much to say other than this man looks uncomfortable being a human for some reason (dollar store Homelander arc continues)

Chris Christie: (looks like someone was a bit rusty... severely) but I will say the Chatgpt roast against Vivek was a good one. Other than that, this man flip flopped weak sauce. The 'raise your hand if ya would support Trump' question... hilarious, sir just step your ass off stage.

Mike Pence: I hate to say it but he did better than I expected. He had his few dunks tag team with Nikki Haley ( of all people). Still not saying much though, just average.

Nikki Haley: Ah yes, mrs. former governor that everyone hated back then. I truly thought she was forgettable like Scott, but somehow she played the game right for once last night. And sadly she was the most "reasonable" in gesture only. She had her comeback, especially against Vivek. She wasn't entirely wrong about Ukraine and Taiwan but still the connections are missing in other foreign politics. She does acknowledge climate change but I highly doubt she would do shit about it.

Vivek Ramaswamy: something about him when I first heard about him was off; until I realized he heavily reminded me of Pete Buttigieg back in 2020. They both give off this fake charismatic appearance, trying to emulate what Obama did in 2008 (way too hard) and it's unsettling. Anyways, yet again this man said some of the craziest shit. Ah yes, 'climate change agenda' a hoax, i was surprised the crowd booed; but with the whole 'everything is on fire' this year, it's really starting to become a big thing for everyone (especially it's worse than we expected).

The Nobodies: Scott and the rest barely spoke and I don't remember any of their names nor what they said last night. You tried.

Overall who won? No one so far, they all lack charisma and the cult of Trump is still holding on tightly but we'll see in the upcoming week or so with the whole indictment stuff. But I'll say if Vyvanse Salami keeps dicksucking he might get a VP spot, anything can happen from now til then

[water-hates-learning]

it seems that putting things in red and implying they’re more important than normal is a good way to freak people out

my personal question is do you think that yesterdays will be the last update till August? I heard you mention something about art fight which is very cool (though even if it wasn’t for something else taking breaks is important!) so I’m not trying to come off as impatient or rushing you because you’re entitled to have a schedule that works for you

im just curious about if it might be or if well get one more-or if it just depends. anyways I hope you have a nice art fight break regardless

oh no, not at all, that "choice has been made" banner has always been red

aaaa well, i was planning on trying to get an update out before Jul 1st but it looks like i might not get it finished in time... i really didn't want to leave you guys on a cliffhanger :/

it's a pretty long bit and i haven't even finished sketching it all out, and i wasn't planning on drawing next week so i could give my poor wrist a break but we'll see how far i get on the work this week

either way, i'll be making a hiatus announcement post on ND on the last day of June, just so everyone knows what's going on

[kookie-doughs]

Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader

-Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything is now ruined.

Chapter 22: Then It Ended

As soon as we came, Annabeth ang Grover tackled me. We were the first heroes to return alive to Half-Blood Hill since Luke, so of course everybody treated us as if we'd won some reality-TV contest. According to camp tradition, we wore laurel wreaths to a big feast prepared in our honor, then led a procession down to the bonfire, where we got to burn the burial shrouds our cabins had made for us in our absence.

Annabeth's shroud was so beautiful—gray silk with embroidered owls— Percy told her it seemed a shame not to bury her in it. She punched him and told him to shut up. Percy being the son of Poseidon, he didn't have any cabin mates, so the Ares cabin had volunteered to make his shroud. They'd taken an old bedsheet and painted smiley faces with X'ed-out eyes around the border, and the word LOSER painted really big in the middle.

As I was still unclaimed, Hermes cabin had made me one. (Just... IDK go crazy with your shroud IG) It was fun to burn. As Apollo's cabin led the sing-along and passed out s'mores, Percy and I was surrounded by my Hermes cabinmates, Annabeth's friends from Athena, and Grover's satyr buddies, who were admiring the brand-new searcher's license he'd received from the Council of Cloven Elders. The council had called Grover's performance on the quest "Brave to the point of indigestion. Horns-and-whiskers above anything we have seen in the past." The only ones not in a party mood were Clarisse and her cabinmates, whose poisonous looks told me they'd never forgive us for disgracing their dad. That was okay with me. Even Dionysus's welcome-home speech wasn't enough to dampen my spirits. "Yes, yes, so the little brats didn't get themselves killed and now they'll have an even bigger head. Well, huzzah for that. In other announcements, there will be no canoe races this Saturday...." Going back to the cabin I finally had time to talk to Luke. Who just expressed his relief of me being fine, and how he was scared when Annabeth told everyone about me. No wonder everyone was so shocked seeing me come back with Percy. On the Fourth of July, the whole camp gathered at the beach for a fireworks display by cabin nine. Being Hephaestus's kids, they weren't going to settle for a few lame red-white-and-blue explosions. They'd anchored a barge offshore and loaded it with rockets the size of Patriot missiles. According to Annabeth, who'd seen the show before, the blasts would be sequenced so tightly they'd look like frames of animation across the sky. The finale was supposed to be a couple of hundred-foot-tall Spartan warriors who would crackle to life above the ocean, fight a battle, then explode into a million colors. As Annabeth, Percy and I were spreading a picnic blanket, Grover showed up to tell us good-bye. He was dressed in his usual jeans and T-shirt and sneakers, but in the last few weeks he'd started to look older, almost high-school age. His goatee had gotten thicker. He'd put on weight. His horns had grown at least an inch, so he now had to wear his rasta cap all the time to pass as human. "I'm off," he said. "I just came to say ... well, you know." I tried to feel happy for him. After all, it wasn't every day a satyr got permission to go look for the great god Pan. But it was hard saying good-bye. I'd only known Grover a year, yet he was my oldest friend. Annabeth and I gave him a hug. She told him to keep his fake feet on. I asked him where he was going to search first. "Kind of a secret," he said, looking embarrassed. "I wish you could come with me, guys, but humans and Pan ..." "We understand," Annabeth said. "You got enough tin cans for the trip?" "Yeah." "And you remembered your reed pipes?" "Jeez, Annabeth," he grumbled. "You're like an old mama goat." But he didn't really sound annoyed. He gripped his walking stick and slung a backpack over his shoulder. He looked like any hitchhiker you might see on an American highway. "Well," he said, "wish me luck." He gave Annabeth and I another hug. He clapped Percy on the shoulder, then headed back through the dunes. Fireworks exploded to life overhead: Hercules killing the Nemean lion, Artemis chasing the boar, George Washington (who, by the way, was a son of Athena) crossing the Delaware. "Hey, Grover," Percy called. He turned at the edge of the woods. "Wherever you're going—I hope they make good enchiladas." Grover grinned, and then he was gone, the trees closing around him. "We'll see him again," Annabeth said. July passed. I spent my daysplanning out strategies with Luke for capture-the-flag and making alliances with the other cabins to keep the banner out of Ares's hands. I got to the top of the climbing wall for the first time without getting scorched by lava. From time to time, Percy and I would walk past the Big House, he'd glance up at the attic windows, and think about the Oracle.

I tried to convince him that its prophecy had come to completion. "You shall go west, and face the god who has turned." "Been there, done that—even though the traitor god had turned out to be Ares rather than Hades." "You shall find what was stolen, and see it safe returned." "Check. One master bolt delivered. One helm of darkness back on Hades." "You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend." Percy recited. "Ares had pretended to be our friend, then betrayed us. That must be what the Oracle meant.... Or maybe Nereid?"

"And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end." He sighed. "I had failed to save my mom and lost you..."

"So why are you still uneasy?" The last night of the summer session came all too quickly. The campers had one last meal together. We burned part of our dinner for the gods. At the bonfire, the senior counselors awarded the end-of-summer beads. Percy and I got our own leather necklace, and when I saw the bead for my first summer. The design was pitch black, with a sea-green trident shimmering in the center.

"This is so beautiful..." I smiled to Percy. "The choice was unanimous," Luke announced. "This bead commemorates the first Son of the Sea God at this camp, and the quest he undertook into the darkest part of the Underworld to stop a war!" The entire camp got to their feet and cheered. Even Ares's cabin felt obliged to stand. Athena's cabin steered Annabeth to the front so she could share in the applause. I'm not sure I'd ever felt as happy or sad as I did at that moment. I'd finally found a family, people who cared about me and thought I'd done something right. And in the morning, most of them would be leaving for the year. * * * The next morning, Luke called me. He gave me a paper, telling me to fill it out, and asked me to meet him as soon as I could. I knew Dionysus must've filled it out, because he stubbornly insisted on getting my name wrong: Dear (WRONG NAME) , If you intend to stay at Camp Half-Blood year-round, you must inform the Big House by noon today. If you do not announce your intentions, we will assume you have vacated your cabin or died a horrible death. Cleaning harpies will begin work at sundown. They will be authorized to eat any unregistered campers. All personal articles left behind will be incinerated in the lava pit. Have a nice day! Mr. D (Dionysus) Camp Director, Olympian Council #12 That's another thing about ADHD. Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face. Summer was over, and I still don't know what to do. I had no where to go to. The only option I had was Percy's or maybe Hades was not joking about inviting me back to the Underworld. Sighing I decided to just meet Luke before filling it for second opinions. The campgrounds were mostly deserted, shimmering in the August heat. All the campers were in their cabins packing up, or running around with brooms and mops, getting ready for final inspection. Argus was helping some of the Aphrodite kids haul their Gucci suitcases and makeup kits over the hill, where the camp's shuttle bus would be waiting to take them to the airport. I was walking around looking for Luke. I jumped when I felt someone tap me from behind. I instinctively unsheathed my knife and turned only to see Luke with his hands raised.

"Whoa! Calm down just me." He laughed.

"Kinda weird seeing someone laugh at a knife pointed at them." I smirked sheathing my knife.

"I only laugh since its you." He smiled and ruffled my hair. "Are you done with everything?"

"Not really. I don't know whether to leave or not yet. That's why I came. Help me?" I asked him.

He turned to me and to the forest. "How about you hear me out about something... important and private... then decide?" He gestured towards the forest.

"Not planning on killing me are you?" I squinted at him.

He gasped. "Not you. Never. I would never hurt you."

I let him lead me to a shrouded area of the forest.

"How serious is this thing that you can't let anyone see? I am blindly trusting you here Luke." I laughed nervously. But when he didn't reply I felt something was off. "Luke, okay this isn't cool. How deep into the forest do we have to go?"

"Y/N remember when you said... You want to be the person I trust...? How you promised to help me?"

"Luke?" He took my hand and pulled me sharply. I winced at how hard he pulled me. "That hurts! Let me go!"

He snapped back and let go of my wrist. "I-I'm sorry... Y/N..."

As much as I knew I had to leave, I couldn't I was worried about him. I reluctantly placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's happening?"

"I did it..." I said and sat on the ground. "I swear I didn't mean to get you hurt. But, I confess to everything. I  stole bolt and helm, I summoned the hound, I gave Percy the cursed shoes... And just now, I tried to kill Percy Jackson." He looked at me with empty eyes.

I shot up and looked at him in emotions I couldn't put in words. "W-Wh---" I wanted to leave and check on Percy. But once again, seeing him right now... I need to stay with him. "Why are you telling me this...?"

"Join me... please?" his voice was weak. He sounded vulnerable. "Let's serve my Lord together..."

"L-Luke... no. I-I can't do that!" I took his shoulder, "Y-You should stay with me instead. How about that, huh? L-Let's explain to Chiron and the others... come on please. I could help you!"

Nothing was working.

"Come with me..." He muttered.

"Luke, I won't join you. You have to change your mind. You can't do this."

"I can't change my mind."

"I can help you with that? How about you go with me huh? I could spend all my time doing this and that. Please, just change your mind."

He didn't reply for a while until he whispered, "Promise me."

"Promise you what?"

"You'll stay with me."

"What? Luke I wo--"

"You won't join... Just...don't stay here for the year... and stay with me."

"I-If I stay with you... what would that mean?"

"Yo-You... might change my mind."

"I'll go." I replied with no hesitation. "I'll leave camp for the year. And I'll find my parent to prove to you that Gods and Goddess aren't all bad. We'll find my parent together."

"I do my lord's bidding--"

"You can still do it. If you want to. But whatever happens... stays only between us. I'll stay with you until I change your mind. And I'll bring you back to camp."

"I would never do anything to ruin your trust in me." He knelt down. It was kinda awkward but hey... "I need you."

Worry not hero. We shall stay.

"Please..."

We'll meet again. Wait for us, we shall join you soon. Now leave.

I had no idea what happened since when I came to Luke was gone and there was no sign of him anywhere. How were we going to st---

We will meet him once we leave. Now go as our hero needs us.

I suddenly remembered Percy's state that Luke had told me about. So I ran. I ran to the Big House

***

Percy finally opened his eyes. He was propped up in bed in the sickroom of the Big House, his right hand bandaged like a club. Argus stood guard in the corner. Annabeth and I sat next to Percy, I was holding his nectar glass and she was dabbing a washcloth on his forehead.

"Here we are again," Percy said. "You idiot," Annabeth said, "You were green and turning gray when we found you. If it weren't for Chiron's healing..." "Now, now," Chiron's voice said. "Percy's constitution deserves some of the credit." He was sitting near the foot of the bed in human form. His lower half was magically compacted into the wheelchair, his upper half dressed in a coat and tie. He smiled, but his face looked weary and pale, the way it did when he'd been up all night grading Latin papers. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Like my insides have been frozen, then microwaved." "Apt, considering that was pit scorpion venom. Now you must tell me, if you can, exactly what happened." Between sips of nectar, he told them the story.

I bit my lip trying to keep what happened between Luke and I private. It was a risky move that would not be approved by anyone after all. The room was quiet for a long time. "I can't believe that Luke..." Annabeth's voice faltered. Her expression turned angry and sad. "Yes. Yes, I can believe it. May the gods curse him.... He was never the same after his quest."

Percy was looking at me as if checking what was my reaction to his story. "This must be reported to Olympus," Chiron murmured. "I will go at once." "Luke is out there right now," Percy said. "I have to go after him." Chiron shook his head. "No, Percy. The gods—" "Won't even talk about Kronos," Percy snapped. "Zeus declared the matter closed!" "Percy, I know this is hard. But you must not rush out for vengeance. You aren't ready." "Chiron... your prophecy from the Oracle... it was about Kronos, wasn't it? Was I in it? Y/N? And Annabeth?" Chiron glanced nervously at the ceiling. "Percy, it isn't my place—" "You've been ordered not to talk to me about it, haven't you?" His eyes were sympathetic, but sad. "You will be a great hero, child. I will do my best to prepare you. But if I'm right about the path ahead of you..." Thunder boomed overhead, rattling the windows. "All right!" Chiron shouted. "Fine!" He sighed in frustration. "The gods have their reasons, Percy. Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing." "We can't just sit back and do nothing," He said. "We will not sit back," Chiron promised. "But you must be careful. Kronos wants you to come unraveled. He wants your life disrupted, your thoughts clouded with fear and anger. Do not give him what he wants. Train patiently. Your time will come." "Assuming I live that long." Chiron put his hand on Percy's ankle. "You'll have to trust me, Percy. You will live. But first you must decide your path for the coming year. I cannot tell you the right choice...." I got the feeling that he had a very definite opinion, and it was taking all his willpower not to advise me. "But you must decide whether to stay at Camp Half-Blood year-round, or return to the mortal world for seventh grade and be a summer camper. Think on that. When I get back from Olympus, you must tell me your decision." "I'll be back as soon as I can," Chiron promised. "Argus will watch over you." He glanced at Annabeth. "Oh, and, my dear... whenever you're ready, they're here." "Who's here?" Percy asked. Nobody answered. Chiron rolled himself out of the room. I heard the wheels of his chair clunk carefully down the front steps, two at a time. Annabeth studied the floor. "What's wrong?" Percy asked her. "Nothing. I ... just took your advice about something. You ... um ... need anything?" "Yeah. Help me up. I want to go outside." "Percy, that isn't a good idea." Percy slid his legs out of bed. Annabeth and I caught him before he could crumple to the floor.

I said, "I told you ..." "I'm fine," He insisted.

He managed a step forward. Then another, still leaning heavily on me. Argus followed us outside, but he kept his distance. By the time we reached the porch, his face was beaded with sweat. But we had managed to make it all the way to the railing. It was dusk. The camp looked completely deserted. The cabins were dark and the volleyball pit silent. No canoes cut the surface of the lake. Beyond the woods and the strawberry fields, the Long Island Sound glittered in the last light of the sun. "What are you going to do?" Annabeth asked us. "I don't know." Percy replied. "I got the feeling Chiron wanted me to stay year-round, to put in more individual training time, but I'm not sure that's what I want. I also don't want to leave you both with Clarisse only." Annabeth pursed her lips, then said quietly, "I'm going home for the year, Percy." He stared at her. "You mean, to your dad's?" She pointed toward the crest of Half-Blood Hill. Next to Thalia's pine tree, at the very edge of the camp's magical boundaries, a family stood silhouetted—two little children, a woman, and a tall man with blond hair. They seemed to be waiting. The man was holding a backpack that looked like the one Annabeth had gotten from Waterland in Denver. "I wrote him a letter when we got back," Annabeth said. "Just like you suggested. I told him... I was sorry. I'd come home for the school year if he still wanted me. He wrote back immediately. We decided... we'd give it another try." "That took guts." She pursed her lips. "You won't try anything stupid during the school year, will you? At least ... not without sending me an Iris-message? Both of you?" Percy managed a smile. "I won't go looking for trouble. I usually don't have to."

"You already know my plans."

"When I get back next summer," she said, "we'll hunt down Luke. We'll ask for a quest, but if we don't get approval, we'll sneak off and do it anyway. Agreed?" "Sounds like a plan worthy of Athena."

She held out her hand. Percy shook it. She gave me a hug. "Take care, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth told Percy. "Keep your eyes open."

"You too, Wise Girl."

Then turned to me, "Good luck on your own quest Droopy."

"Of course Peabody." We watched her walk up the hill and join her family. She gave her father an awkward hug and looked back at the valley one last time. She touched Thalia's pine tree, then allowed herself to be lead over the crest and into the mortal world. "I made my decision." Percy said. "What's yours?"

"I'll be leaving camp... I'm going to look for my parent..." He looked at me in shock. "I'll be back next summer," I promised him. "I'll survive until then."

"Alone?"

I smiled at him.

"Don't you want to stay with us? Mom said---"

"I want to find my parent. I need to. I'll be fine Percy."

I helped Percy to his cabin so he could pack and went to mine. To my surprise I see a middle-aged man with an athletic figure slim and fit with salt-and-pepper hair, and a very familiar sly grin. He had bags at his foot.

"Delivery for Y/N L/N."

"Uhm..."

"Hermes." He said.

I froze and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Personally packed. As a thank you for what you're about to do." He smiled softly and handed me the bags.

"H-Huh...?"

"For helping Luke."

"I..."

Don't forget her mail!

Ooh! And tell her to bring us snacks next time we meet since it'll be often now!

No it wouldn't be often! She'll be with Luke!

"Both of you keep quiet." Pulling out a mail he handed it to me. "Luke... prayed to me telling me about your plan. He asked me to help you. I don't know what or why he did it. But I know he'll change thanks to you. So do guide him."

"Sorry you lost me at the talking air..." I blinked.

Hermes laughed and showed a caduceus. "It's just George and Martha."

"Hi?"

Hello!

Hi

"I just wanted to let you know. No god or goddess could see you. No matter how hard they tried. So your secrets.. are really secrets. Good luck on your travel."

Next time we meet you should have snacks.

Then he vanished.

Staring at the letter on my hand, I was stunned seeing it was from... my mom and dad.

Sweetie,

You've made quite a friend here.

-Mom and Dad.

I immediately knew where to look. I hurriedly took my bags not bothering to check the contents. I ran to Percy's cabin and helped him out so we could leave.

Percy got a cab and looked at me worriedly.

"I'll write you. Stay safe Arthur Curry." I ruffled his hair and watched him go.

I didn't know where to go so I just went to the first secluded area I saw.

"You have more stuffs than when you arrived." I heard someone behind me.

"You prayed to your dad. I hope he knows how to pack." I sighed turning to him. Turning around I barely made out Luke from the few days I last saw him. "You okay?"

"Do you know where to look first?"

Call upon our hound.

I whistled, I don't know why. But when I did, D/N came out of the blue. Luke looked at me and my dear dog, who was probably bigger than the hound he'd summon back then. "How do feel about L.A?" I said riding on D/N and making space behind me for Luke.

~~~END OF BOOK 1~~~

Previous | Book 1 Masterlist | Series Masterlist

END OF BOOK ONE!!! THANK YOU FOR READING YLATHB I HOPE YOU ENJOY!! I'LL PUBLISH BOOK 2 WHEN I'M DONE OR EVEN AT LEAST HAVE WRITTEN 5 CHAPTERS OF THE BOOK 2 ;))

I HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!!

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @the-natureofme @booknerd-3000 @katara720 @ynfics

[amaya-chwan]

Therapy Game Restart Discussion: Who is Onodera?

Hello everyone! Hope you are all well~ ❤️💛💜 I've had a headscratcher of an ask/message regarding Onodera, so I figured I'll make it into one big post!

Before I begin this Q&A/discussion post (feel free to comment below if you have any thoughts), I have looked through past chapters to gather the information I will put into this post to support my predictions. Not all chapters are readily available for everyone at the moment as only one volume of TGR is out right now, so I shall put the chapter numbers for your future reference! ⚠️ Also, just a note! These opinions are my personal thoughts, conjectures, and opinions, so please don't think I am saying one idea or speculation is wrong--this is just how I see it, and of course I could very well be wrong! And I also am not fluent in Japanese, so I may have some translation errors!

⚠️ Also, a warning, this will be a long post! Keep reading if you're interested and please let me know your own thoughts!

First, in an earlier ask, I was directed to a translation group that said Onodera is a man. With the help of Google and Google Translate (because I don't understand/speak Spanish), I found that post (dated April this year) and the origin of the picture they used in that post. The image is from Hinohara-sensei's 13th August 2020 tweet here and is also below for reference:

Now, all I can remember from first seeing that image is "Woow, so pretty! A female character? A love rival? A threat? OH it's the infamous director they're all talking about???"

This image was released around the time chapter 8 was released, i.e. the first chapter we see Onodera in full.

Looking at the image again, I can see how Onodera could be seen as a female or a male. Onodera has long hair, yet no visible breasts. There is no evidence of an Adam's apple, but that could just be because of the turtleneck as part of their outfit. Furthermore, in chapter 13, we see a view of Onodera from behind. There are no "womanly curves" visible in this view of Onodera.

After searching some Japanese blogs, some fans also had the same thoughts: no breasts = possible male, the shape of the face etc. Here are the blogs I found: [1] [2] [3] but most of these are from around chapter 8.

Just about the breast argument: there are a lot of different shapes for breasts. I learnt that when working at a department store selling bras during university. It is possible that Onodera is really flat chested or just has very little breast tissue. Not sure if that's getting too technical now, ahah, but what I want to say is that the lack of breasts isn't a definite yes to Onodera being a man.

Hinohara-sensei also has not explicitly stated throughout TGR so far (ch1-13) that Onodera is male or female.

From chapters 8-12, Onodera is always referred to as 院長 (director) by Shizuma and the nurses at the clinic. No gender-specific pronouns have been used in the story nor by any characters to refer to Onodera when speaking so far (that I have read). So confirming Onodera's gender is just misleading at the present moment.

We do find out in chapter 9 that Onodera's first name is 昌 akira. Akira is a gender neutral name in Japan. It is often given to males, but it is not uncommon for females to have this name. Which, I think, is genius on Sensei's part. It leaves us all thinking!

Q: So Amaya-chwan, what do you think Onodera's gender is?

Just for me as I've been reading TGR the past 1.5 years, I see Onodera as a woman as I have been "encouraged" to see Onodera as one by the little subtleties in the story, and Minato sees Onodera as a female, so I probably am viewing Onodera in Minato's POV.

(Please keep reading on for more insights and answers to questions! Really, this post is long! 😅)

In chapter 9, Onodera's older brother, who is also Shizuma's university professor (and his last name is not Onodera), makes small talk with Shizuma regarding the staff at his placement:

Shizuma's professor says: By the way, Shizuma-kun, how've you been!? You haven't been bullied, have you!? // The female team here is scary, right~ You know, Nakajou-kun and I were in the same grade...

So here, I'm made to think Onodera's clinic is pretty much all female, including Onodera too.

Fun fact: His professor uses the suffix -kun for Nakajou-sensei, yet Nakajou-sensei is a female and -kun is commonly used for males these days. But, it is also used for females in very specific situations. I'm not too sure what the situations are, but I have heard them used for females before.

In the same chapter (9), while Shizuma is changing out of his scrubs in the men's locker (?) room, Onodera walks in. He is slightly flustered, and kindly reminds her that she's walked into the men's locker room. Her reaction is "Huh? Ahh..." So here, again, I am made to believe Onodera is female.

While no gender-specific pronouns have been used to address Onodera, Minato and Itsuki have referred to Onodera as a female in chapter 13.

The kanji for "female/woman" is 女. In these two images, Minato refers to Onodera as 上司の女 female superior, and from Minato's story, Itsuki hence calls her 職場の女の人 female from (Shizuma's) workplace. This is the only time Onodera has been referred to as a female.

⚠️ Just a note going forward in this discussion, I will now call Onodera "she/her" as that is what I believe Onodera's gender is at the present moment!

Now, I did get a second ask from an Anon! Here they are below with my responses:

This one is about what's behind Onodera. I think she's a pretty interesting character. I actually think she's a trans woman or a non-binary trans woman. Sensei has been dropping so many hints to that... The name her brother calls her might be her dead name. He complains about her hair and what their father would say. She's designed to have flat breasts, perhaps she's not under hormone therapy, perhaps her "trips" and "days off" have something to do with reassignment surgeries...

She most definitely is an interesting character. I wouldn't say Onodera being transgender is out of the realm of possibility because the story is still ongoing. But regarding her name, I don't know if I'd call it a dead name since it is gender neutral already. Perhaps the kanji for a male Akira name would be different to a female one though?

About the hair comment (ch10), I just thought it was unruly? I honestly didn't think too much of it! What I will add is that the kanji for hair (髪) is used, but the reading is あたま head. Not sure why just yet, so I'll just leave that here as some extra information for the moment.

Not sure what I really think about a) her flat-chestedness and b) her insanely long business trips yet! I figured a) might be a character design, and b) she really is a top-notch veterinarian so she's probably in high demand. But I could be completely off the mark!

Also, I don't know where to add this random bit in from the story, but in chapter 12, we find out that Onodera has been calling one of the staff the wrong name for more than 10 years now. Not sure if this new piece of info affects anything?

But again, that is a very interesting prediction/thought you have about Onodera, and I wouldn't say it's not possible!

She's kind of a female Minato, psychologicallly and in appearance, which brings some challenges. And one more thing that I think hints to that: "I'll make it so your body can never be satisfied by any woman", Minato says to Shizuma. As the last chapter leaves it at that, we don't know exactly what he is talking about. [spoiler?] I haven't seen the Japanese text yet to be sure if he's clear about topping Shizuma.

That was exactly my thought when she was first introduced! That's part of the reason why I think Minato sees her as a threat, especially when he saw her for the first time and was told she is a 美人beautiful person (both in chapter 12). She and Minato definitely share some characteristics, but I find she's a bit more socially-awkward than Minato given her background (Chapter 9 & 10).

For the dialogue, the Japanese lines and the most literal translations I can give are:

今から　静真くんを抱く From now, (I'll) hold/embrace you, Shizuma-kun.

どんな女に出会っても　絶対満足できない体にしてあげる No matter the women you encounter, I will make it so your body definitely cannot be satisfied (by any of them).

Hopefully we'll find out what Minato means by that exactly in the next chapter, which I hope comes to me this week!

But if that's what he's talking about, it's 1. poor Minato being transphobic (besides being biphobic towards his own boyfriend)* 2. poor Minato probably foreshadowing his own fall. If Onodera happens to be a woman with a d**k, she can do whatever Minato thinks a cis man only can do. That's not what will make Shizuma stay by his side. Shizuma will stay by his side because he loves Minato. And that's that. Debunks biphobic myths, debunks transphobic myths. *He's not a bad person, he's got issues

Okay, this is probably as straight-forward as I can say this, but I just want to say that I don't know enough about the issues faced by the LGBTQI+ community. My friends have kindly answered all my questions so far as I don't want to be ignorant or rude when learning more about my friends and the community. I don't want to give off the air that I'm assuming anything since I don't want any misunderstandings. And I am fully aware that I need to educate myself more regarding this!

So about Minato, I'm not completely sure what you mean by number 2. But he definitely has his share of trauma, insecurities, and fears regarding his relationship with Shizuma. Having Onodera as a threat in this story really helps drive Minato's growth. The story is titled Therapy Game Restart, so what I gather from the title is that Minato is going to face another fear/insecurity he has, something deeply-rooted in him, and it's going to get really heavy and complicated, but he will eventually get through it and it will help him heal and grow as a character, and hopefully strengthen his faith in his relationship with Shizuma.

So far, I believe this "fear" is carrying on from +Play More, that Shizuma can be whisked away by a female at any moment.

But yes, Minato has to realise for himself that his and Shizuma's love, relationship, and bond is strong enough for him to not worry about Shizuma leaving him so abruptly. He has to learn to trust in Shizuma more, and TGR is slowly revealing that, especially in chapter 13.

I'll stop here. I have already written long analyses on this series and I think about making them public at some point. But it would be nice to hear from you! Maybe I'm completely wrong in my interpretations! I'm really sorry for being so annoying and maybe using inappropriate language. I really didn't mean to bother you. But I never see anyone making these points. I just want to know if I'm thinking unreasonably...

I love reading different analyses, opinions, story predictions, the whole lot!! So please feel free to ask me or post your own ideas. It's always a welcome thing for me to discuss stories and learn new things! Don't be sorry that you're being a bother or annoying, because it's not a bother at all!

We're all allowed to have our own ideas and opinions about stories, and these ideas will change once something is canon in the story, and ultimately is something we will have to accept too.

So yeah, just my two cents. Thank you for being so patient with my response, dear Anon!

To anyone reading at this point, thank you for reading this far! ❤️💛💜

I shall see you in our next set of takeaways~ As always, stay safe and take care of yourselves and your loved ones! 💜

(2021-05-17: Speedy proofreading is done ahah! And yes, my brain is still so full of 山河令/Word of Honor right now, so I have been VERY distracted! Highly recommend this drama, guys! It's up for free on the official Youku Youtube page! Totally not an endorsement, but I love this drama! AHHHHH!! Gong Jun [Simon] be living on my mind rent free~)

[rantingtyraidsofabrokenheart]

Day 313

Well, first of all: Holy Shit. It's almost been a year since everything collapsed.

Actually, no. Fuck that. I had a couple months of peace but August, September, December and January were all fucked bc you couldn't keep your mouth shut. I'm so conviced that if you had never told me you loved me, I would be fine by now. I would have accepted that you were never hiding anything, you just didn't love me, and moved on with my life. But knowing that you did want me only made things worse. It's what I thought I wanted to hear but it just messed everything up so much more.

It's been an interesting time, and I suppose before I go into any of my recent revelations, I should detail the more recent events:

You couldn't help but play nice during Christmas. I kind of knew it was coming, I won't lie. I knew you weren't blocked on my Whatsapp, and I just knew in my gut something was gonna happen. And it did. You apologized. And in that moment I just wanted to die. I cried infront of my newly made friends (it wasn't pretty). For just a moment I thought you realized what you'd done and I almost let you off the hook. But I didn't say anything for two weeks. And then in a drunken ramble I replied exaclty what I felt. I really deeply regret that conversation. I meant every word I said, but I was just so caught up in my own sadness and anger that I just exploded. But I guess it's always the case- you're always gonna regret something in those kinds of situations. We haven't talked since then, and I've come really really close to reaching out.

Then, you found me on tiktok. At that point I knew you were on the app, didn't block you. I always leave a thread to follow just in case. You followed me, liked a few videos. One of them was about you giving me and eating disorder which tbh I cannot justify. But that's when I saw that there's another girl. Also foreign, also artsy. surprise surprise. Playlists on spotify, trips to Brighton, Van Gogh exhibitions. Everything I ever wanted and fantasized about, you were giving to another girl. I don't think I've cried liked that in a while. Its just so insane how I can know so deeply in my heart that you were never good for me and that I did the right thing for a few weeks and then almost reach out the next. Every time I think I'm over it, it comes back and hits me like a train.

But I didn't reach out, and instead I started going to therapy so...yay me I guess. But anyways, onto the revelations:

I am so immensely lonely. I knew coming back home for break was gonna be hard, and it has, but therapy has actually helped me out. I know what to look out for, I know how to look at things in a different way now. And one of them is you. Or, me missing you. It really isn't a coincidence that I only really miss you when I'm bored, with too much time to waste, and especially at night. It makes since that right now, at a time where I don't really have any other sources for that, my mind turns to you. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to want attention or validation from men. But it makes sense. Daddy Issues should be a real psychological diagnosis, because I'd be the poster child (lol that was kind of a pun).

I try to think of what I want from you, what I miss, and it's literally just attention. validation. cute comments that felt extra special because of how rare they were (god I was trained like a dog). I do miss getting to know you, but it's definitely not the focus of my thoughts. They are far more selfish. I kind of hate that I'm realizing that though, because it makes me think that any realtionship I might end up in or any romantic interaction I'll ever have will be purely for my own benefit, and that just feels wrong.

Thing is, I feel like for now, I'd rather try and find another guy that can give me that, than to stay single and keep looking over my shoulder at you while pretending I'm getting better at it and working on myself. I do have a target in mind, but we'll see how it goes. But yeah, it's just kind of cliché at this point: girl who thinks she's never going to be loved keeps looking back at the only example she has had to prove otherwise.

[inkofamethyst]

August 18, 2024

Might have to get those goofy prism glasses to stave off neck pain while crocheting. I crocheted for like 6 hours or something one day last weekend and then my neck was in pain for days. I've slowed down a bit since, but I am getting close to finishing the basketweave vest I switched to and omggggg it actually is coming together so nicely! Because I had to design the pattern myself rather than using a video tutorial or written pattern, it's taken like,,,, two and a half weeks or so of trial and error (sooooo much frogging (I'm certain I've frogged every component at least once (but I don't really mind doing so because every time I've made improvements despite the setback))), but I'm super close! Finishing up the bottom band then just need to weave in the ends! Test fits are looking good!!!

Had another DnD game last week and AGH it's so much fun, I'm having so much fun!!!

I also did a guided tour of one of my uni's special rare book collections and it was so lovely! I simply adore a guided tour where someone can just espouse their knowledge for a time and I just soak it up like a sponge. The collection itself was quite beautiful, too.

This weekend I did a bit of a back-to-school Depop spree which I judge as being fairly successful, though the true test will come when I get the items (I think I also want to start a back-to-school depop cleanse where I start selling again, but we'll see). I'm excited about all of the items but especially a true irish cable knit wool sweater! In building up my cohesive closet, I'm also trying to figure out items that could be my equivalent of a sweatshirt and sweatpants for lazier, bloated, or simply more relaxed days and occasions. Things that are just easy to throw on without actually being sweats.

Today I'm thankful that even though my father and I disagree on a fair number of things, that doesn't ever seem to detract from the love we have for each other. He pushes me to make sure I have all my facts in a row, but oftentimes our opinions on how to approach those facts are different. It's just that I feel really lucky not to be one of those unfortunate cases of children who can't have civil conversations with their parents on political topics despite our disagreements. We're very mindful, very demure, one might say ;)

Excited to be going back home soon!

need to pack though lol