#might delete this later? who knows heheh

[m-eltdown]

[princesslachimolala]

The Bangtan GC📱

1. Jimin’s Birthday🥳

•••

Synopsis: you (y/n 🦊) are in a members-only group chat with BTS 💜

Pairings: platonic! ot7 x gn! reader

Warnings: None

Authors note: this is under the same y/n premise as the other fics, and although the group will be non-specified ages in these fics to allow as much timeline freedom as possible, they’ll all be adults. Also this is not based on reality just what I think a gc with them would be like, just have fun with it don’t take it too seriously 🫶🏻 reader is gender neutral (gn) so read gendered honorific’s as they apply to you

***I also struggled to find a cute platonic nickname that the members might call y/n so I’m sorry if you find that “baby petal” is cringy!!🌸***

•••

🦊: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINIEEEE🥳🥳🎂🎂🎉🎉

🐻: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SOULMATE 🎂🎂🎊🎊🎈🎈

🐻: yah, y/n, delete that text right now I have to be the first one to say happy birthday to jimin that’s the rules

🦊: that’s definitely not the rules Tae, the first one who says happy birthday is the one who wakes up first

🐥: thank you guys🥹 Saranghae 💜💜

🐥: but also please don’t bicker on my birthday, I love you both equally 🫶🏻

🐰: actually guys I think you’ll find I was the first one to wish him a happy birthday… I posted a video message on weverse

🐥: thank you kook-ah it made me laugh!! Also you suit your glasses very much

🐰: thanks hyung🧐

🐻: I still can’t believe y/n-ah bet me to it this year 😔

🐹: happy birthday Jimin-ah!!

🐹: also ami bet both of you to it they’ve been posting non-stop so really this is a pointless argument

🐨: jimin-ah!!! happy birthday bro👍🏻

🐹: you’re getting old just like hyung jimin-ie🫶🏻

🦊: so you admit that you’re old jinnie-oppa/hyung?

🐹: yah respect your elders please dongsaengie

🐥: I am getting old 🥹 thank you hyungggsss hehehe

🐥: and I saw all of army’s posts, they’re so sweet 😪

🐿: jimin!! Happy birthday my bro!! Please have the best day 💜💜

🐱: looks like I’m the last to wish you Jimin-ah, I’m sorry I slept in but I got a package delivered to your door so hopefully that makes up for it

🐥: thank you Hobi-hyung and Yoongi-hyung 🫶🏻

🐰: a package?? I am intrigued 🧐

🦊: ooh we wanna see minie!! Send us a picture!!

🐻: send me a picture of it first jiminie🫶🏻

🦊: tae- be for real

🐥: a breakfast basket!! hyung everything looks so good thank you so much!!🥹

🐱: you’re welcome jimin-ah, please eat well

🐻: while the rest of us are left to fend for ourselves

🐥: come round to share if you want Tae!

🐰: then I’m coming to!! If that’s okay hyung 🥹

🦊: I can’t believe you’re all having a maknae meet up without me… I’m the glue the holds our maknae line together

🐻: …

🐻: y/n- be for real

🦊: damn this hurts

🐹: so the hyungs just… don’t exist then?

🐨: yeah guys feeling kind of left out

🐿: we’re all gonna see jiminie later though right?

🐱: it’s okay if we don’t, we don’t want you to rush your live with army jimin-ah

🐥: I’ll talk to army on live for a while but we can still get k-bbq like we talked about ☺️ I definitely want to see you all on my birthday

🐻: but mostly me right?🥳

🐰: nah it’s mostly me hyung

🐹: yah stop fighting for jimin-ah’s attention, he wants his hyungs attention today

🦊: does that mean the rest of us are getting ignored?🥹

🐹: it is minie’s day after all baby petal🫶🏻

🦊: crying in the corner 😔

🐰: namjoon hyung won’t ignore me

🐰: right hyung?

🐰: hyung are you there??

🐰: wow I really thought-😔

🐨: I’m here kook-ah do you need something?

🐰: just attention ig

🦊: I’m Hobi-oppas/hyungs favourite maknae anyway so…

🐹: we all know that’s not true dongsaengie… it’s literally jimin

🐿: …

🐥: …

🐱: don’t worry baby petal we all know you’re Jin’s favourite

🐨: did Yoongi just call y/n a baby petal…

🐹: yah Yoongi-ah that’s my name for them

🐹: I will make no further comments at this time, I’m against favouritism in this family 😤

🐥: and yet you’re not their favourite oppa/hyung, Jin-hyung…

🐿: ik it’s me guys🧐

🦊: I agree with Jinnie there’s no favourites here

🐻: y/n - “let’s have no favourites”

also y/n - *literally agrees with everything Jin says*

🐨: okay but am I anyones favourite?

🐱: you’ve got to be kidding joon, kook-ah talks about you 10 times a day

🐰: I do not!! Besides… tae and jimin hyung have obvious favourites

🐿: I know it’s me guys it’s okay🙏🏻

🐥: … I’m siding with Jin and y/n now, I can’t pick

🐻: does anyone want to come over and colour in with my new Disney colouring books?

🦊: can I come tae? I have new pastel pens to try out

🐻: pastels?!??

🦊: YES!!

🐱: wow guys this chat- maybe we should broaden our circle of friends

🐻: now why would you need more friends hyung?

🦊: you literally have the most friends out of all of us tae…

🐻: that’s not true… kook-ah has his ‘97 liner group WHICH BY THE WAY YOU ALSO BELONG TO

🐥: I’m starting to agree with Yoongi-hyung… the way you two were just about to colour in together now you’re screaming at each other

🦊: I’m still on my way tae tae-oppa/hyung🫶🏻

🐻: hurry your butt please but don’t hurt yourself on the way🫶🏻

🐰: jimin-hyung we’re sorry don’t leave us for new friends

🐱: no one’s leaving kook-ah, we’re meeting for k-bbq tonight and we’ll have a drink afterwards, its on me

🐹: let hyung get it Yoongi, it’s on me, as birthday gift for Jimin and to treat you all

🐥: oh right it’s my birthday ahah… see you all later!!!🫶🏻

•••

authors note: happy birthday jimin💜 and thank you for reading army! If you enjoyed it, a like is always appreciated and if you want to keep up with updates feel free to follow!🫶🏻

[totaldramafan-lauri]

AAAAAAAA- I Love it, I love it so muccchhh!! thank you thank youuuu!!! :D

(Btw I was the one who wrote that long confession where I told you how much I love golden cheese!)

the things I like about this chapter was how well written smoke cheese was on this chapter, how he was just not good at expressing his emotions and personal opinion and only use it to say some mean things but it was very heartwarming that he is starting to warm up to us and how he wanted us to stay and when he said "they better come back or else" and how he basically is a bit of worried that we might replace the kingdom was ahhhhhhhh (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)!!! Or is it just me? Basically I just see smoked cheese as a person who is not good with words but show it through harsh yk expressions? Yeah I hc with that!..

I Loooove how Reader was expressing they're thoughts without shying anymore, I love the part we're her Radiance said to ignore what others think and say they're hearts desires!!!! I can't help but cry on how much far reader have gone. I feel so Prrooouudd, I keep banging my table on so much wholesomeness being put in this chapter!! It took me two whole Day not to tweak throught the entire chapter due to how excited I was been! thank you so much lauri!

I love the friendship that was visiblely show on this chapter! I like Burnt cheese telling our resilient and how mozzarella cares about us in her own way!! And Smoke cheese too! Thank you for writing him so good! I haven't seen anyone write smoke cheese so correctly before! thank you!! I just wanna cry!! I will miss them when chapter 11 end! you're work make me cry in happiness!

I love how her Radiance keep getting surprise when she thought that's all Reader could offer but reader prove them wrong!... I like the end too! How we express so much emotions and how we could bring back a precious gift to her! I love her so much ahh, I wanna 😭 aAh- so wholesome but show a lot about what the Reader have become! and they way Her Radiance said

"Well, well! That's quite the claim! Simply carrying out my orders isn't enough for you, I see?" she giggled, sounding very pleased already, "Ah, you greedy thing, you really have become mine~!"

I- I was tweaking at the part, my mouth agape and my face blushing red! I can't calm down, I just want to thank you again and again! This chapter was so wholesome and how relationship grown this past chapter!///^-^///

I was so happy her Radiance cared so much for us... I can't just stop thanking because of how good this is! How she blessed us, give us a stone that might be later be important.. And basically I will be happy of what ending you will be going with...

I also love how close reader and they're friends are! Saying like,

"Leave!?" one of them shouted hysterically, hugging you immediately, "Whaddya mean leave!? You said you weren't gonna leave anymore!"

shows how close they are, I'm basically dying of cuteness!!

take care of yourself lauri, I saw you're last post and you Should really take a week break, you deserve it really. Don't mind the other anons who are forcing you. Just delete what they're saying to you. I'm sure bee anon understands too! I hope you take care of yourself and be healthy at all times, even if we are strangers online, chatting with each other. I hope things go well on you're break and things go peacefully.

Sorry for the late reply too on your chapter and I just wanna confirm you're worry that

You did good lauri, Thank you for everything.

A-and thank you so much for reading....! >.< And don't worry about me! TBH, I....I tend to worry like that every time I upload something, heheh.....I-I'm so glad to have the audience I have, and that I haven't gotten any flack for anything I've written yet, and....e-even tho I know I'm not the BEST writer out there, I still intend to keep things this way as long as I can.....I-I don't think I need a FULL WEEK off, but a few days, definitely. Again, not spoiling anything, but the final chapter needs a lotta effort to get right, and I wanna get in the right mood for it....

Y-yeah, there was a lotta Smoked Cheese in this chapter....and I actually had fun writing him this time, now that I've gotten into his head and understand him better. He was pretty hard to write when I first started, cuz I, well, didn't like him very much, but through writing him, he's grown on me....just like Reader's starting to grow on him, hehe...! I still wouldn't say I'm a huge fan of him in canon, but developing him here and adding some more nuance to him made his character work better for me. How he cares about the kingdom in his own way, which just so happens to clash with Golden Cheese's, how he's kinda her straight man who doesn't get a lotta respect, he's got a bit of an ego of his own and doesn't like being proven wrong, and...yeah, he's not a bad person, he loves his home and at this time he's still loyal to his queen, he gets along with Cheesenbird and now Mozzarella (their friendship is fun, pfff), he's just very harsh and intense at times, and struggles with empathizing with others. I didn't wanna make him a hate sink, is what I'm getting at. I wanted to flesh him out XD

His relationship with Reader is....difficult, so writing them start accepting each other bit by bit was difficult to write too....I kept asking myself "Is this believable enough? It's not too fast, is it? Is it too much at once?" so I'm glad it's going over well so far...

O-overall this chapter had a lotta things I struggled with making good enough....It wasn't just straightforward fluff, it had conflicts I REALLY needed to write well, which was why I worried this time >.<;

But I AM proud of myself for making Reader transition pretty well into being much more lively and outspoken. They really have come a long way, and this was kinda the culmination of their emotional arc. They're still shy, but they've grown a lot, so...yay....!

(A-also....y-yeah, th-their relationship with Golden Cheese has become very.....v-very, uh.......hhhhhhhhhhs-sometimesIlookatpartsofsomescenesandthink"D-didIactuallywritethatmyself? Isshepossessingmeorwhat?" O///////O")

S-so....yeah, I can be nice to my writing sometimes...! Th-thanks for enjoying it....! ^//////^

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[annarts05]

If you’re struggling to start writing...I want to yell at all you writers (and myself too) ;-;

Obviously, there are countless ways to write, and the process can be very personal. That’s alright, and even encouraged. You’ll come up with your own plan when it comes down to writing, how much time you can allow yourself for distractions, how insecure you are about it, etc. 

And maybe you’re like me. 

Maybe you’ve been struggling to get started on a new WIP, or maybe you’re trying to get back into writing after taking a long break. Or maybe some other reason. 

I’ve been struggling for months to make it past 20k words. I hope to break that very soon with this idea I have at the moment. 

Whatever it is, it can be intimidating as heck to get going. To start. There are few sights more terrifying than a blank document with nothing on it, and a story at your fingertips, but you doubt that you can do it. How can you do justice to that lovely story you have in your heart?

Accept that you can’t...on your first draft.

It’ll take forever, unless you’re some kind of writing prodigy that can write a flawless draft on your first go. And most people aren’t. 

You’ll probably need at least three drafts to really see it take the shape that you always dreamed of. Again, this’ll be different for everyone, so maybe you’ll see it after the second draft, or maybe the sixth draft. 

It’s personal!!!

But that first draft will be terrible. And that’s okay!!!!! Accept it and make it better. The drafts will come later. You can get to those then.

Just get going. 

Tell that voice inside saying you can’t do it to shut up. Be aggressive with it. Just write anyway. Who cares if it’s not perfect? It’s the first draft, remember???

It’s totally okay if it sucks. If it didn’t, I might get jealous ;-;

Plan ahead and outline. 

Some people feel less overwhelmed when they outline. In detail, or roughly. Or somewhere in the middle. Whatever you want. You can write 30k outlines, or 2k outlines. Totally up to you.

Pants a little. 

Combine pantsing with plotting. Do both. Outline what you know for sure. Then outline/write it and come up with the rest as you go. You can plot the main plot points and then improvise the rest. Whatever you want. 

Pants a lot. 

Drop most of the plotting. I wouldn’t suggest not having any idea at all what you want the ending to look like, or what you want the inciting incident to be. But you can come up with it as you go as long as you have a vague idea. If you don’t want to write it down, then don’t.  

But be very free with it if that helps you to write that first draft. You can fix it later. Shrug it off for now. 

Put away the internet and just do it. 

Stop 👏 going 👏 on 👏 the 👏 internet 👏 to 👏 procrastinate 👏 

Just stop it. Close it. Tumblr, goodbye for half an hour. No more Pinterest. Instagram, shhh. 

EVERYBODY, and I mean everybody, is guilty of this. Well, no more. Sometimes, all it takes to get going is to get over your own procrastination and do it. 

Just write. Dedicate half an hour or so to your WIP, and you’ll feel good about yourself even if you don’t get much done. You put the effort in, and know your WIP just a tad better. 

MAKE YOURSELF. It’s hard, yeah. Don’t complain. Future you will thank you. 

Quantity over Quality. 

Write a lot. Get it all down. You can always delete scenes later if you don’t feel they belong. Just get a lot down. You’ll know your story way better, and you’ll know the characters so much better. It’ll be easier to make judgement calls when you’re going over your first draft and making big changes. 

You can make it better later. 

Just write it!

Compare your writing now to your past writing. 

It used to suck, right? Maybe it still does in your opinion. But you’ve gotten a lot better, haven’t you?

Hehehe...

Read reviews on Goodreads for bad books to see how good you are. 

This might feel like putting others down. 

It also might backfire, finding reviews for good books and seeing where you’re lacking. 

But hear me out. 

Bad books exist. No changing that. We can learn from others’ mistakes. Look at history. How many times have we avoided conflict because we learned from past mistakes in politics? They don’t need to be our mistakes to be worth something. 

Analyze bad movies and books and see what they did wrong. Do it better. It’s not a competition, but you can still improve using others’ mistakes and take the advice for yourself.

___

I’m done now. 

;-;

Feel free to yell at me now. Please do. I need to be yelled at. I feel like it.

[ryan-shepard-writes]

A couple dozen Get To Know Ya How Ya Doin questions by @athenixrose !!! Tagging anyone who feels like doing them! If you want to answer them you should go to THIS POST HERE and either copy/paste or reblog directly from Athenixrose!

Since I'm shy and haven't really been active in the writeblr community, I'm going to make it my goal to answer ALL the questions!

How are you?

I'm... Here. Which I consider to be a good thing.

How's the writing going?

Not terribly, I think, but I have a bad kind of writer's block right now. I know what I want to happen, but I can't make myself WRITE it... I also kinda feel like I really want to delete and change a bunch of stuff. Idunno.

Do you read books?

A bit too often, yeah. I cycle through the same ones all over, y'know? I love reading, but I think my brain is using it as an excuse not to write.

Have you been focusing on plot or fluff/downtime in your WIPs where nothing happens really?

Attempting to do plot, which is probably my problem. I excel at dialogue and character interactions, but writing plot is... Rough for me.

What's the hardest part of writing for you?

Actually physically doing it. Especially when it comes to doing events and advancing plot.

Do you like making titles?

YES. I love coming up with titles and taglines.

Do you like making blurbs?

I'm not sure! I don't think I've ever precisely written a blurb before?

Do you make your own mock covers?

Yes and no. I designed my own header photo on my blog, if that counts?

Do you write fanfiction?

Yes. A lot. Probably too much. I'm a selfshipper.

Who was your first ever favourite character from any piece of media?

My first ever fave? Probably Mewtwo.

Who is your current favourite character from a piece of media?

All Might!

Favourite book?

Gods that's a hard question. Probably one of the books in the Protector of The Small Quartet by Tamora Pierce.

Favourite song?

Genuinely no clue. I have a lot!

Favourite film?

TREASURE PLANET!

Favourite TV series?

At the moment? My Hero Academia!

What has been the biggest influence that has shaped how you write or inspired you?

The dichotomous complexity of the human heart.

Have you ever written anything out of spite because you hated how another piece of media was written or produced/ acted out?

Ooooooooooh yes. Most definitely. I don't think it exists anymore, but I wrote a whole ass new ending for The Giver when I was in middle school.

Last fictional death you cried at?

Aunt may in Spider-Man 2018 :')

How many drafts do you complete before you consider a WIP finished?

Uh.... Hehehe.... Finish?

How long have you been writing?

I wrote my first "original story" when I was 9, but I daydreamed original stories before that.

What genres do you write for?

Science-Fantasy, romance, queer, cosmic horror... Usually all at once.

Do you like doing research and if so, are you researching for a WIP right now?

LOVE research. Catch me taking refresher courses on hawking radiation for 2 lines of dialogue.

How many abandoned WIPs do you have?

Only a few... I tend to keep writing things even years later.

How many completed WIPs?

Hehehehe... 1. An old Kingdom Hearts fanfic that I wrote in middle school.

How many WIPs in progress?

All of them.

How organised with everything, are you? Do you keep track of OCs with lists ect?

I'm the least organized person you have ever met. I have no character sheets. Everything is trapped in my brain. Please send help.

Has your own writing ever made you cry?

Oh yeah absolutely. Fate's Crystal Majesty has SEVERAL points that make me tear up.

[thepigeonsopinion]

Guess who's the bish that just watched "Wishmaker"!...

I'm the bish that just watched "Wishmaker" if you didn't figure it out.

Anywho! Let's get on with it. Now, usually I would do a little (extremely detailed) summary of the episode, but I can guess that a lot, if not most of the fandom has seen the episode so I'm just going to skip that and dive straight into it!

Warning: Spoilers for "Wishmaker"

Anyway! Onto business, let's talk about my thoughts on the episode.

So, the beginning of the episode. I legit don't know why this triggered me (I absolutely know why this triggered me, but I don't want to admit it) but Marinette melting when she gave Adrien the flyer got me freaking laughing, probably because every time and I mean EVERY time the love square interacts (mainly adrinette) is so over used that I find it hilarious at this point (this is probably just me, but what the heck :p)((also this was kinda me salting on the LS, but remember this is just my opinion so please don't come at me :)). Continuing on to Alya's comment about if "being a superhero counts as a job" it sure as heck does, well mainly if your Marinette (also the reason why I'm talking about small details that happened in the episode is mainly because I'm re-watching the episode as I type this). Again I had a cackling moment when we had the Sadrien moment, which made me realize how mean and bad I am, but oh, well (i felt horrible when i cackled at this, but i felt really guilty afterwards) ((i might delete this part later, but idk)) Also, when Plagg presents the idea of them running a cheese shop together it made my heart melt because it shows how much Plagg cares about Adrien and how much he wants to stay with Adrien. Now, unto the part where Marinette explains to the kwamis what a career is and when I say I was laughing through this whole scene, I WAS laughing through this whole scene. Mainly because of all the comments that the kwamis gave to Marinette. Like, seriously many of the comments are very accurate and the one that broke me was when Xuppu said, "It's making presents for Adrien!", I was like "damn he legit just called you out Mari". Not to mention, when Ziggy drawled out AdRIen's name to showcase the amount of meaning Adrien has on her life. Also, Sass is legit the PERFECT kwami for Luka, and I am not exaggerating this. Sass literally was the only kwami that stood up and voiced out that they should listen to Marinette and that her opinion in this situation is the most important one, and I know for a fact that Luka would do the same if he was put into the same situation Sass was in. That small detail in the episode made my heart melt knowing how compatible Luka and Sass are.

Anyway! Moving on, Andre legit unintentionally (maybe?) roasted Alec on his show, I was like "damn he got you there" and he also roasted him with the sweet, delicious treat known as ice cream, damn that's got a hurt. Speaking of Andre, the story of how Andre found his career was really touching to me. The main reason of why he really pursued his ice cream business was because ice cream was what made him happy and he wanted to share that with the world. In summary, I find Andre's career story really touching and meaningful.

Continuing on, after Andre explained the ice cream flavors to Marinette, Luka "coincidentally" appeared right behind her right after Andre said "Pistachio and pecan for the clear-sighted young man". And, if you tell me that the pistachio is to represent Adrien, I would like to explain to you how that it is not accurate. I mean, legit this whole episode is to represent how both Adrien and Marinette are indecisive when it comes to their career choices, mainly because of all the things happening in their lives. Now, "clear-sighted" doesn't really suit Adrien in the context of the episode. In this episode, Adrien doesn't even have a clue on what he wants to do for the rest of his life, but Luka on the other hand is a representative at the fair for his school and is running a booth showing his career choice, that sounds like he fits the definition more accurately. Now, I know that the main reason of why people recognize that the pistachio is to represent Adrien is because it's the color green and Luka's color is not green, it's blue. But let me introduce Viperion. I mean, Viperion is literally just Luka, even if he has a mask on it's still Luka.

Anyway! Moving foward through the episode, when Luka said "buddies", I felt that. It legit broke my lukanette stan heart to hear him say that they were just "buddies", but I digress.

Ok, I know that the main reason why Alec is roasting everyone's career choice is for his show (and to hide his inner turmoil), but damn, tone it done a bit will ya. In the end, Luka showed him, even if his way of showing him was to hold up a violin to the sky and let the wind play the instrument was kinda weird, I support whatever this kind and understanding boy does.

I know it is justified that lukanette is strictly platonic because the LS is going to be endgame, but I can't help but fan girl when I see my ship holding hands. Not to mention, the look that Marinette gives Luka is a look of adoration and love(even if it's just platonic).

We would like to welcome Bipierion to the running again. Like, come on, you can't tell me that the scene with the three talking doesn't look just a tad romantic. This whole scene, made my Luka stan heart just palpitate wildly. I mean, this whole scene; no, this whole episode is a bunch of examples of how Luka is such a mature and understanding character. This scene alone made me love Luka's character even more! Also, we FINALLY get to see Luka play the violin (and not just with the wind this time hehehe ;)) and can I just say, I totally love this scene, not only because it's with Luka playing the violin (though that may be the main reason) it's because I also play the violin so I kinda relate to this scene.

Continuing on with the episode, when Alec went into his inner turmoil and main backstory of why he is the way that he is, I was like, now I feel bad about him being trashed on, but he kinda deserved it soooo...Moving along! So, Wishmakers design. I don't know why, but Wishmakers design reminds me of Venom, or more specifically a drag queen version of Venom. And I fully support that, I mean you go get it, slay girl! Even if you are a villian.

So, Jagged’s childhood dream was to be a crocodile. I mean, I get a lot of people's childhood dreams were a bit far-fetched, but okay, you do you. Also, Mr. Banana's childhood dream was to be a cucumber? Umm ok...Anyway! Luka prioritizing others above himself, is just the icing of the cake as a Luka stan. (Not to mention, Luka already fully excepting Jagged as a dad is sooo, I can't express it into words how much I love that.)((Also, Jagged can't swim. Noted.)) Also, Luka and Jagged having a conversation about how Jagged wanted to be a crocodile as a kid, but he can't swim is so funny to me. And it also portrays more of Luka and Jagged's relationship a bit more, so I appreciate that.

It's time for a small detail mention! Luka's head tilt when he saw the dino huggie just made my Luka stan heart melt! Moving along, we get Luka or Viperion saving everyone, which just gave me a sense of joy! Also, Marinette as the knitting-fairy was so adorable!

Anywho, continuing on with the episode, with Luka finding out Marinette is Ladybug, you can see the realization in Luka's face when he realizes that the secret that she kept from him was that she was Ladybug, and you can hear the shakiness in his voice when he uses Second Chance after that, which shows even more how shocked he is. But, he still keeps his focus on the battle because now he has to protect Marinette's identity, which is just another of the many reason of why I love Luka's character. Ok, I have a small nitpick at this scene, and even though it's just a small detail in the scene I can't help, but comment on it. I know that Chat Noir is not in the right state of mind during that moment, but did he seriously not hear Viperion when he warned him to duck? But then again, I digress.

Moving on, I felt that, when Adrien found out that his childhood dream was to be what his parents wanted to be, because I also want to do that to, or mainly to just make them proud. Anyway, enough about me, let's continue on with the episode! Luka's face when he saw that Adrien was Chat Noir, really made me sympathize him. Because in Luka's eyes he finds out that are truly good partners (and I refuse to say "meant to be" because just no) and it is pretty obvious that he still has feelings for Marinette and that finding out that both Ladybug and Chat Noir are Marinette and Adrien must've broke his heart. I mean, you would react the same way if you found out that your crushes crush is their partner in crime (as some people might say).

Moving on! Umm, Barney is that you? I'm sorry I just really wanted to comment on that, also Lukadrien moment? Not to mention, how the heck can that dino huggie jump so high but hit the ground with a rumble? Then again, I'm not good with physics.

Okay, so let's quickly talk about Luka lying to Ladybug about knowing both the superheros identities. So, we know for a fact that Luka hates or at least dislikes lying, but in this moment he chose to lie, because he knows that it was the best option in this situation. The reason behind this is because he wants to protect Marinette, and I know that might sound confusing, but let me explain. Luka knows Marinette fairly well, and he knows that she has a tendency to overthink and freak out, so if Luka did tell her that he found out Marinette would freak out and start to think it's all her fault and that she should've been more careful and so on and so forth. This would make her a perfect victim for a akuma and Luka knows better than to let that happen, so he does one thing he knows will protect her, he lies to her.

Contiuing on, when Marinette said, "I will be Luka's best friend and I will love Adrien", I literally face palmed. I mean, I get it that the LS is bound to be endgame, but come on! Do we really need another reminder that it will happen eventually? Also, drag queen Alec? YASS QUEEN! SLAY QUEEN, SLAY!

And with that, we come to the end of the episode! So, I enjoyed the episode fairly well, with the exception of all the moments I salted it. But there are still so many questions that I have that are yet to be answered. Like, now that Luka knows both Ladybug and Chat Noir's secret identities, how will that revelation affect Luka's character in the show? Will their be others who find out their identities, and if so, how? (aka Alix) Will Luka's revelation affect how much screen time he gets on the show? And if so, will it increase or decrease? Will Alya find out that Luka knows? And, so much more. Not to mention, my opinion on Luka's revelation.

So, as I scroll through my social media, mainly instagram, I see posts where people read Luka's revelation as a way for him to also realize that the LS or Marinette and Adrien are "meant to be together", and though I respect those people's opinion, I don't really agree with it. I believe that Luka's revelation is just that. It's him finding out the truth that Marinette kept from him, and whether he decides to act more or be there more because of this is up to the writers and creators of the show. But I don't truly believe that that was a way to show that he ships them. I think he mainly supports Marinette's decisions and will always be there for her. And the reason of why I say this is because it is clear that Luka still has feelings for Marinette. I mean, come on, as I said in one of my comments during the episode, the realization on his face when he found out Chat's identity was full of sadness, contemplation, and maybe a bit of hurt. Which tells me that Luka still has at least some romantic feelings for Marinette. Not only that, he did the thing that he hates or dislikes most, lying, to protect her. But all in all I still enjoyed the episode and I can't wait to see where this revelation takes us.

I hope everyone has a great rest of their day and as always remember...

But that's just my opinion (・ε・)

(This took me FOREVER to finish, but at least it states my opinion and my little thoughts throughout the episode, even if it is a bit jumbled up :))

[devintrinidad]

So Uhm, CAW anon here. I haven’t been into Hetalia for years. But I feel like talking about a few things I noticed back in fandom a lot that I didn’t see at all in the canon manga/anime (though Hetalia itself is just a fanfic of history. I’m only focusing on character and relationships present in the canon series). 

Ok a lot has probably changed since the last couple of years in fandom. But back then I saw a lot of depictions of the FACE group: England and Canada not having much of a relationship. France and Canda being the closest while France and America aren’t close at all. America and Canada having a strained if not dysfunctional brotherly bond. Canada having no backbone and being a sad sack all the time or just being a pure angel with no flaws. America being too childish.

I’m going to try to remember all the canon bits to back me up. But I’m mostly curious if there’s anything off and your (most likely much more up to date and informed) thoughts. 

Canada and England have a pretty good relationship from what I’ve seen. We’ve sen plenty of material of England being present in colony Canada’s life. He used to cook for him too (poor Canada) and Canada spent almost about the same amount of time with him as America did. Later on Canada chose Enlgand over America when the colonies revolted. He didn’t want to pick a side but in the end he did. He fought against American troops. Was there when England was heartbroken over the fighting. He even acted as a strategist, using his knowledge as America’s twin brother to use America’s weaknesses against him (sending surrender papers inside a basket of food. America was so hungry it took George Washington telling him to resist to not take the bait).  Later on when America and Canada were trying to mend their relationship. Canada would get so nervous and have England talk for him all the time instead (which only confused America). England did it without any fuss despite any issues he and America might still have. Overall Canada recalls having a good childhood and England was a part of that. The two might not be as close as America and England are, but they have their own history and bond both are very comfortable and happy with each other. 

America and Canada. Fans I ran into often focused on America and England’s dynamic history. But the North American brothers have a lot of their own turmoil and strength to them as well. While Canada might,moan about being invisible and such. Canada also remembers having a very fun childhood with America. So much he remembers how sad he was when America grew up much faster then him and couldn’t play with him all the time like he used to. When Canada told America he didn’t want to fight, only to choose England, America felt betrayed. He loved Canada and wanted his twin brother to fight for freedom with him. Their relationship went pretty sour for a long time. But the two did end up trying to be mature later on in life and congratulate each other despite how annoyed they are at how different the other is. 

From there we only get brother goodness. They can bug each other a lot. Canada takes for granted everything America has done and gone through, things that have also been good for Canada. While America likes to mess with Canada and act pushy with him. They do like to horse around and spend time together. Despite their differences, they’re probably the closest siblings in the world of nations. They’ve gone through their bitterness and still chose to be close brothers in the end. They like to play sports together. They like to use their appearances to mess with England who can’t tell them apart like France can. They call each other on the phone a lot. They have a joint Search for Santa Claus operations every winter. America respects Canada’s opportunity and ability to easily get along with others. He also takes Canada’s concerns very seriously and offers reasonable and helpful advice such as how to help his citizens get along. Canada’s opinions must mean a lot to him since Canada is the only individual to make America cry in despair when he went into his 3 hour insult rant against him. Despite his complaints about his personality, Canada looks up to America as a big brother who he always goes to for comfort or help. He respects and admires America a lot and trusts him as his closest confidante (after his polar bear. Not that that bear is ever helpful). Overall America and Canada have their downs like every sibling pair has. But they also seem to have a very strong and stable connection where they can act like brothers and best friends. Sometimes I think it’s easier to imagine America is closer to Canada then he is to England. 

America and France. Back then these two didn’t get a lot of attention. Which is strange because there’s tons of material of them interacting throughout the centuries. France used to cook for America when England wasn’t around (I bet when Colony America said English food was as good as French food, some thing broke inside France. The reason America started disliking English food is because France made it his mission to salvage some of his tastebuds. Xp). France has been the only FACE member to stay by America’s side without conflict. Both of them obviously had a close bond since France gave America Lady Liberty and you could see teasing and ruffling America’s hair like a big brother. The two hang out a lot. They go to Maid Cafes together. They seem to have lunch together all the time at conferences since France is always looking for America to go eat together. They apparently also have sleepovers a lot and like to compare different genres of movies. Whatever issues their people can have with each other never seems to affect their personal interactions. France is the big brother of love and that’s sometimes a running gag for jokes. But he really seems to be like a normal big brother figure for America. He often worries about America and Russia’s scary relationship and chides England for raising America to be weird. In a deleted strip, France is preventing America from drinking alcohol because he’s too young (being physically 19). It also gets a bit heartwarming when you recall the Joan of arc strips where France meets the reincarnation of Joan and she’s an American. Almost like America is now taking care of Joan and giving her the opportunity to be free and happy in ways she couldn’t before. 

Also while it’s not part of their dynamic. It’s always interesting that when the author wanted to show the Nation’s personal relationships with humanity. He always chose America and France. The supposed happy go lucky airheads who often gain a affectionate yet somber (to even downright tragic) experience from it. 

Overall America and France have a nice quiet and stable relationship. You could say while England raised America as a colony. France was among the mentors to America on how to be his own Nation. 

I think that’s it. Again my memory might be foggy but that’s what I can recall. =P

~~~

WAIT A MINUTE YOU’RE ALSO A HETALIAN??? AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME???

Okay, I’m going to prioritize this ask/submission thing first because wow, you’re a Hetalian and Hetalia has a special place in my heart. First of all, I’m kind of flattered that you think that I’m up to date for this, hahaha. I’ll have to tell you, while I do know a lot about American history, I’m actually more of a fan of the Itabros, hehehe.

A few tumblr people that I know specialize in Hetalia and have already posted FACE dynamics a lot in the blogs are, but not limited to: @historihet  @stirringwinds and @ellawritesficssometimes. I’m not sure if Ella is still active, but there’s a lot of content that you can browse through if I’m not thorough. Also, again, the list of tumblrs that have been associated with FACE are definitely more than I can imagine, those are the three that I follow and know off the top of my head.

To @historihet @stirringwinds @ellawritesficssometimes, I love your interpretations and love for history! If I say anything inaccurate or something you don’t find to your liking, please inform me! I don’t want to spread misinformation and I’m just so excited to talk about Hetalia to my dear Anon Friend :D 

If you’re reading this, I hope that you all have a wonderful day! And keep up the great work with your own analyses/fanart/fanfiction/etc. You guys rock and keep the fandom alive. :D

Anywhoozles, what you said here is fairly accurate. FACE definitely has its up and downs. Assuming that you haven’t been active in the fandom since... let’s say 2012-2014ish era, you might have noticed that the common bonds are Canada and France (platonic), France and England (rivalry/lovers/enemies), and the most concerning relationship America and England (brothers/rivals/lovers???). What you said in your analysis really applies within the sense of what is considered to be manga/anime canon, not necessarily historical canon. 

In historical canon (if you want to go down that route), FACE is one dysfunctional mess if you want to consider it as one family unit. Every one of them at one point has been at each other’s throat at one point (whether it be at war or just snubbing the other because of politics). 

We have:

1. The Revolutionary War (England vs America)

2. War of 1812 (Canada/England vs America, with special emphasis in 1814 because Canada burned down America’s White House if I remember correctly)

3. The XYZ Affair (I’m pretty sure it was a snub in diplomacy??? which actually started a war???)

4. The fact that American promised to help France in their own revolution, but Washington said no because we’re still a new country and all that jazz (...I know this because of Hamilton IF YOU’RE ALSO A HAMILFAN I WILL CRY)

5. And like the entire history of France/England is just its own thing

As you can probably tell, FACE... I think was just a  term for the fans to make this makeshift family dynamic that is cute in some respects if this was like a human au, but definitely a cluster of effs if you imagine them as eldritch abominations that were brought to life because of human imagination. 

Like, the dynamics can go in so many directions if you want to choose one aspect of history over another. 

In @stirringwinds, they often write/draw about America as this Prodigal son who happens to be like the Crown Prince succeeding his once proud father. (America turning into a superpower after the World Wars and the English Empire just kinda dismantling itself because of everything.... OF COURSE THAT’S AN OVERSIMPLIFICATION, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME FOR INACCURACY!

Whereas for another tumblr, @historihet they portray the USUK relationship as more of a ship. Like, the whole brother relationship that is skewed in the anime/dubs/subs (this is due to the fact that some fans take the whole older brother thing too literally because in Japan, you call your elders/peers that happen to be older than you via polite endearments) is more of a... I’m not gonna say paternal, but it was more of a mentor thing? I’m not sure, I haven’t interacted with them much, but I’m pretty sure they ship it. Plus, their art is so amazing and they’re obviously a fan of history because wow, their head canons and their art is so beautiful and detailed.

As for the whole France and Canada relationship, I think this can be further elaborated via @ellawritesficssometimes. I remember reading that France and Canada, while having a similar relationship to England and America, it wasn’t that close or as heartwarming as many fans make it out to be. If you follow Canadian history, I’m pretty sure Canada was under French rule for a sort time before becoming part of the English Empire. Like, Canada was part of the Empire for a longer time than under France. This means that France wasn’t always there, England was. You can further read between the lines about the English/Canadian relationships, especially if you consider the fact that America fought an entire revolution to get away from England because of neglect on England’s part and on Canada’s part.... all he had to do was ask. 

Soooooo....

Overall, I’m glad that you told me that you were part of the Hetalia fandom. It’s nice to see that the fandom is still alive and kicking, hahah. That reminds me, I’ve got to finish my series concerning Italia Veneziano, oops. Just wondering, but why did you want to talk about this? Not that I mind, it just seems out of the blue... 

Thanks for the analysis and your chat! I hope that you have a wonderful day! :D

Please don’t tell me you want a FACE fic, hahahah. XD

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-Hana Stellaworth Benefit CD Translation Track 19-27 (Kazama)

anyone know anything about extracting text from a psp iso file? finally got around to looking for Hakuoki Yuugiroku (CH patched)... except i’m not really looking to copy all the text out.... also found a CH patched version of Jyuzaengi: Engetsu Sangokuden which I’ve been admittedly curious about for years.... tho I kinda doubt i’ll ever get to looking at it given the sheer volume of Hakuoki stuff I got lol... 

also... i only bookmarked those tsukikage sanan chapters that were translated into Chinese... and 4 of those posts were deleted so I don’t have access to them anymore. so... whoops (now i only have chapter 2 and 4 out of the 6 that were done)? on the plusish side, I found some tsukikage tl for what i’m assuming is the prologue chapter, the 2nd(?) okita chapter and the 7th kazama chapter from the game... and maybe 4 okita chapters from the mobile game that i can’t remember the name of (brings my total -I think- to 12 chapters for that game).... also some translations of the otomate ouchi nippo date thingie which I don’t know what to call that was on their twitter.

↓ ↓ ↓these. 

it’s quite likely that I’ll translate what I have (13 of these), though I probably won’t post it til December since I’ve already planned out my queue til then... 

anyway, this is the last of this cd’s translations! final edits will be done when videos are made.

enjoy.... also do not repost elsewhere.

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-Hana Stellaworth Benefit CD Translation Tracks 19-27 (Kazama)

Translation by KumoriYami

Track 19

Kazama: Hm..... What is it, my wife. did something happen? Did you wake me up because breakfast has been made? I refuse. Even if I oversleep, breakfast won't disappear. Hm? "The dishes that were cooked with great difficulty will get cold?" So it’s like that. You want me to eat what you personally cooked? Heheh. No need to be shy/embarrassed. Isn’t it/ It's natural for a wife to do her best for the man she loves. I know. I’ll get up now.

Track 20

You recently did a good job. Have you finally come to understand the conduct you should have as a wife? As expected, my eyes were not wrong. What are you being embarrassed about? I was only speaking my mind. If I’m praising you, just frankly accept it. 

Track 21

What’s wrong? Making a mistake, that’s not like you. once you've made a mistake, you're unlikely to repeat it a second time. I believe in you, my wife. 

Track 22

You don’t seem to be happy. What’s wrong? If someone hurt you, tell me. I will immediately go and eliminate them. "Don't do such a rough/cruel thing?" You’re too kind. But, to the people/those who make you unhappy, I have no sympathy/will have no mercy for them. 

Track 23

lately you've been forgetting [neglecting] your role as a wife. what do you think the Kazama family is for/What do you think the Kazama family refers to/means? There’s no way around it? Is there something more important than the husband's will? Come over here. Don’t keep me waiting while doing nothing. 

Track 24

although being staunch can be counted as one of your strengths/being strong is one of your virtues, I can’t be happy if you never show weakness in front of me as your husband[???]. The so-called ideal couple/husband and wife, don’t they not reveal their innermost thoughts? Don’t hide anything from me, just act spoiled for me. Your husband is the most reliable man in the world. 

Track 25

Are you asleep? You'll catch a cold is you sleep here. Although you are an oni, that doesn't mean that you won't get sick. Sleeping at this time... are you not used to feeling so tired? Hm.... that's not good. If you're still tired, just sleep. Looking at your sleeping face like this, it’s not bad.

Track 26

My wife, I have returned. Although I've never wanted to be in command, I feel uneasy when I am separated from you. What about you? Do you feel lonely when you're not at my side? Fufu. There's no need to feel embarrassed. Your innermost thoughts, they are quite easy to see. 

Track 27

It's late at night, it's time to go to bed. What's wrong? You're shaking. Are you nervous? Although I don't like you're reserved attitude, you however still have to understand the conduct required as my wife/you still need to be conscious as my wife. Tonight, I'll make you remember that. Come here. 

-------

videos will be up hopefully sooner than later... oh and the 2019 collar x malice drama got translated (CH)... might translate that since im very curious about what happens in that as saeki and mikuni show up in that... tho problem is, it’s really long... and not as text... *sigh*

also, i won’t be able to finish the tl of the pvs this month... 

[knightofameris]

—𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬—

◦ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ◦ 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑎 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒! ◦ 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠!! (𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠!)

𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑠' 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒: blacklist “ameris 500 celebration!” if you don’t want to see any of my posts about this celebration! also if this flops i will cry. jk i won’t but it’ll definitely take a hit on my heart u__u (and if it does flop, you didn’t see this post)

—𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍—

Ahhhh! I’m so amazed that I got to 500 followers despite the fact that I barely?? Post?? And sometimes I just talk about random shit but even then, I still appreciate all of you guys so much? I have a few options on what I have to celebrate and I am so excited heheh. But before I get started I just,,, Have a few more things I’d like to talk about (cus I like to talk LOL). Feel free to skip though!! 

content continued below the cut!! (warning; introduction is long because I just have a lot of thoughts I want to share LOL. seriously, feel free to just skip) 

I know that I only really started posting Haikyuu!! around my 300 mark, and I feel like the people after my 300 mark are the one’s who are active because of how much I come onto tumblr and then disappear. 

If you don’t know this, I’ve actually been writing on Tumblr since 2015/2016. I’ve just changed blogs so many times that it’s like, hey, this is my new blog. Or like, I would write for a few months, disappear, come back but then everyone who followed me was dead so I was like eh I’ll just start again or whatever. And I think this makes me very very soft because out of all the communities I’ve been in, I’ve truly felt more welcome/at home even?? With everyone in Haikyuu? Like yeah there’s shit that goes down every few days or whatever but it’s always so fun to see people interact with each other and though I was hesitant at first (because before this the only writer I’ve ever interacted with was Scout for marvel oop) I’m really glad I reached out to a few of y’all and vice versa. 

But despite that, Marvel will always hold a place in my heart and to everyone who followed me from my Marvel days, thank you for supporting me way back when. And even to my Narnia days (AHAHAHA). I don’t think I would’ve continued writing on tumblr without your guys’ support. I know that younger me appreciated you all for reading those old works (even if I hate my old writing now). 

And to everyone now, thank you for sending in asks or commenting on my works. I actually think I would’ve disappeared by this time from this blog if you guys didn’t interact. I’m not saying I’m writing for the follows or the notes, if that makes sense. But it’s more like, I feel less of a robot that people expect to churn out works. Idk, it makes me feel like a person? And it just gives me a lot more serotnin than you might think!! 

One last thing though, it’s not me saying I expect you guys to always read my work and always comment. It’s more so, I’d actually rather have you guys comment or whatever because you want to and you want to read it. Like on one hand yes it does make me feel appreciated but I also don’t want you to feel obligated or feel guilty of you don’t read my things. No matter what, I will always be writing. It definitely does feel nice tho LOL 

I promise in the future, if I ever do intros they won’t be this long lol. 

Phew. Anyway. 

For this celebration, this is only for Haikyuu!!

—𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐒��𝐋𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒—

I love love love self ships SO much. So I want to hear about your guys’ self ships! 

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

this will only be open from 12am september 23 — 11:59pm september 25 PST 

any requests received before or after will be deleted (may be extended depending on how many requests I get!)

do keep in mind that i’m starting classes soon so it will take me some time to get through this.

send it in through asks or submissions! 

send in as many asks as you’d like

if you use an emoji to show who you are, include it on all asks :3c

nothing nsfw for this, thanks!

since this is a follower celebration,,, i do have to ask that you be following me! honestly, i won’t check if you are, thats too much work on my part but it would mean a lot if you’re following me to participate in this celebration! ); 

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨 [example]

i will be creating two instagram posts with one of them having a comment section (3-4 screenshots)

i might also include a screenshot of your profile and/or your s/o if I can put in more pictures!

chats with your s/o ( heheh (; ) (1-2 screenshots)

chats with your s/o’s team! (1-2 screenshots) (this will possibly be with the entire team or just a select few)

take a look at the example as that’s what i’ve done for a friend of mine!!

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨

send in 1-2 headcanons about you and your s/o

send in a little bit about your personality!!

your pronouns! and a name you’d like to go by!

give me your instagram handle! (not your real one, but what it would be within haikyuu) otherwise, i’ll make a random one based off your name!

what are your ~aesthetics~ 

what phone nickname would u have for your s/o (or any other people on the team) so it can be more personalized! or if ur like me where everyone is just their name besides a select few

do u have particular texting habits?

what’s your favorite animal? this is what I will be putting as your profile picture! alternatively if you submit all of this through my submissions and give me a piccrew, I will use that!

you could give me the most BASIC description, you don’t need to do all of these points, and i’d be fine with that. It’s up to you how much you want this to be personalized <3

(also this one’s not necessary, it’ll just be more ~fun~ but lmk if u wanna be a manager of the team! or if u have ur own little AU so u might have other certain details u want to throw in. otherwise i’m gonna make it a sorta free for all lol)

𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒: hi! my name’s ameris and i ship myself with suga! my pronouns are she/her/hers and i like to think that suga and i have a sort of childhood friends to lovers trope. i also like to think that we go stargazing at least once a month no matter what! my aesthetic is definitely space heh. i’m a little bit like suga where i’m chaos and baby! i curse a lot and i have way too many interests to count but i always like trying new things! my instagram handle would be ameris_stars (dude idk lMAO) and suga’s name in my phone would be Koushi <3 i make a lot of typos and i like using a mix of emojis and emoticons/occasional kaomojis. my favorite animal is a fox or dog!

this,,, is a lot but i’m okay with that! heheh

to protect you, I won’t publish your ask! I will make separate posts titled w/ your name + s/o + emoji (if you use your emoji). If you do it off anon, I will tag you! 

Request List!! If you don’t see your name on here, just submit it again :3c I will not be tagging for the sake of not spamming you guys lol. 

—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔—

I would love love love to get to know you! So tell me about yourself! 

what’s your favorite color?

who’re your favorite haikyuu characters?

favorite haikyuu teams?

you got any writers you want to give a shout out to?

maybe a little self promo too?

adsfasdfasdflj i will keep bringing this up but like any,,, spice asks,,, about the haikyuu characters cus like,,, lol

horn knee asks will be tagged with:��“ameris needs a drink” which honestly sounds like i need an alcoholic drink and at this point, yeah 

please be 18+ if you do send in any spicey asks!!

This can go on for as long as y’all want really, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I’ll just answer these like normal and spread them out too lol

—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐄—

I have a few ask games I’ve reblogged before, so I have a few linked for you LOL 

intrusive asks 👁👄👁

~space~ asks! (this has a lot more!)

zodiac asks (just about my writing!)

writer’s asks

a little game I got from my friend which I think is absolutely so much fun

this is a version of fuck-marry-kill, but send in THREE characters (this one can be from any mix of my interests!) and I’ll choose which one I’d rather have a fanfic trope with: 

“enemies-to-lovers” 

“childhood friends-to-lovers” 

and “fake dating”

would definitely prefer haikyuu characters

but doing a mix and match from all my interests is a lotta fun

things i used to or am currently into: haikyuu, marvel, bnha, demon slayer, rwby, sailor moon, voltron, dc, overwatch, tales of vesperia, legend of zelda, bungo stray dogs, narnia (lmao), one piece, uhm, i’ll add more if i can think of more, tbh u can even just say random characters and i’ll just google them 

As always though, feel free to ask me any other questions!!

this will also go on for as long as whenever, i’ll probably spread out this one! 

—𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐒—

AH. It was lookin a little long so here’s the link to the post :3c (will edit post later!!! when I come back from my exam!!!)

to those who got to the end, omg i’m sorry. i talk so much. but thank you for your support and just getting through this block of words hakdfhkasf

[mytsukkishine]

Is it possible for a Damien x reader where the reader is insecure about something (up to you) and he comforts her about it?

a/n: hi anon, thank you for the request! so far I love to do this so I hope you would enjoy this! 

a/n2: this has become a little angst so fair warning, this is about body insecurity so, just a warning. please do not be triggered ya’ll because this is actually my insecurity hehehe

a/n3: Lastly, Damien is too sweet here. We all need a sweet boi

Summary: It was your birthday and Damien wanted to surprise you by posting your photos together on Instagram for the first time. Now, in your almost a year relationship, Damien has never really put you in the limelight, and now with your face exposed, your insecurity comes out and it got the best of you. A little dash of angst and fluff, a story on how Damien shows that he loves you. 

in short words: Insecure reader, Damien comforting you by saying how much he loves you

enjoy!wordcount: 1,637k

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There were some perks in being Damien’s girlfriend for almost a year. You get to travel with him whenever he was required to at work, you get to know his amazing friends from SMOSH, and you get to distribute to them any ideas that you have for their next video.

But there was also another downside. Sometimes Damien doesn’t need a plus one for his work, you rarely hang out with the SMOSH fam because either they are super busy or you are busy, and because fans judge you too much.

Damien never posted a picture of you or any couple of pictures you two had, and you were fine with it. You both agreed to make it public but not too much. The whole internet knew Damien already has a girlfriend but they only saw pictures of hand-holding, or Damien hugging you with your face buried in the crook of his neck.

You were ecstatic at first, people were so intrigued on who you were, what you look like, and how you managed to make Damien Haas yours.

It was your birthday today, your family and friends greeted you as usual. Now, you expect to just maybe watch a movie or eat at a restaurant with Damien (of course, you two would eat somewhere far from the city) but it seemed like your boyfriend has different plans.

You were cooking for breakfast, Damien would come in a little while to spend the rest of the day with you when your phone dinged, followed by another, then another.

The notification popping up were endless.

You put your spatula down, turned the stove off as you grabbed your phone.

“What the…” You muttered to yourself as you opened the notification that says Damien Haas mentioned you in their story. Your eyes widen as you saw a picture, it’s you, drinking Starbucks and looking at your phone. Then another story was seen, it was you and Damien. Your lips were on Damien’s cheek as your boyfriend smiled very widely at the camera.

Written below was; “To the woman who made me what I am today. Happy Birthday, darling.”

Another photo was posted, and it was your photo while you are sleeping.

“You look so adorable, babe”

“What the heck is happening…” You murmured to yourself, erasing all the notifications that kept popping up. You viewed your profile and saw that you already had a hundred additional followers.

You bit your lip nervously.

The thing was, another reason why you didn’t want to be exposed as Damien Haas’ lover was that you were pretty insecure. You weren’t that type of girl with petite waist, gorgeous wavy hair, and you don’t wear that much make-up to start with, and you were a little in the chubby side.

In other words, not that type to be seen with Damien.

You groaned and dialed up Damien’s phone.

A few rings later, Damien answered.

“Hey, sweetheart. Happy birthday!” You were greeted with a very enthusiastic Damien. Typical. That boy was always happy. “How’s my pumpkin?”

“Dames,” You pouted, wanting Damien to be with you right now. You were slight panicking at the moment, to be honest. “My pictures… now everyone knows me,”

“I think it’s about time they know you,” You knew Damien was all smiles but seriously, your anxiety and insecurity level is going off the charts right now.

“When are you going here?” You just asked, not wanting to worry Damien through phone call because that boy would really go to you right now if he suspected that you are unhappy. You were scared to make Damien feel guilty right now because he sounded so happy.

“Oh, maybe half an hour, just going to the office to drop some items then to you! See you in a moment, apple pie!” At least Damien’s silly nicknames for you were calming you a little. You talked a little more before he hangs up, then your phone was full of notifications again.

You groaned, saw some new comments on your previous posted pictures on your Instagram.

“Wow, so you are Damien’s girlfriend,”

“Luckkyyyy!!! So pretty

“Hmm??”

“:’(((((( very lucky”

Your heart was beating fast as notifications after notifications appeared. Then something caught your attention that made tears pool in your eyes.

“Damien could do better”

 -

 “I’m here,” Damien announced as he entered your apartment. He closed the door behind him as he removed his shoes in the process. Upon hearing no response from you, Damien walked up to the kitchen and saw empty dishes in the sink.

It was so odd it was making him worry.

He puts his takeout food for the both of you on the table, and proceeds to go to your room with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

He knew you liked sunflowers so he bought a dozen.

“Sweetkins?”

“Here, Dames,” Damien raised his brow at the raspy voice you made. He quickly entered your room and saw you in your robe and rubbing your hair dry in front of the mirror. Damien immediately smiled. He walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, the bouquet pressed against your side.

“Happy Birthday to my beloved,” When Damien looked into your eyes through the mirror, he frowned. He puts the bouquet down on the dresser and spun you around.

You hid our face behind the towel and Damien was ushering you softly to take it off.

“What’s wrong? Were you crying?”

“No,” It was an obvious lie and Damien was a little hurt.

Damien caressed your waist and you immediately released a sob. “Baby, please tell me what’s wrong? Was it the photos I posted? I am so sorry I posted it without your consent,”

With the lack of reply from you, Damien’s heart panged.  So it was his fault that you were crying. Damien pulled you towards the bed and the both of you sat down, your face still buried on the towel you were holding.

“I’m sorry,” Damien started again after a couple of seconds.

Now you feel guilty. Damien should not be sorry. It was your own problem that was making you sad—but you can’t help—

“If you want I can delete it,” He suggested, already grabbing for his phone when you suddenly stopped him.

Your face was now shown and Damien wanted to punch himself for making your eyes puffy.

“I’m sorry,” Honestly, Damien was lost for words. He didn’t know it would end up like this. He had always wanted to show the world who his girlfriend was, and it was kind of breaking his heart on how disappointed you were with him showing you to his fans.

“It’s…” You started, your eyes averted down, not wanting to look at Damien’s beautiful ones. “It’s my fault…”

“No, babe, I—”

“Let me talk Dames,” You giggled a little in the midst of your crying and Damien was just too worried about you. “I’m sorry I am acting like this,” You sniffed, “B-but…” Your eyes started to sting, your lips quivering, “Am I… worthy,”

“What?” Damien was confused. Worthy? You were crying so hard right now in front of him, hands covering your face as Damien looked at you with confusing.

“Worthy? Babe, you are more worthy than—”

“I-I read the comments,” You said, a little too loud. “And they were right, I think you could do—better,”

“What?”

“Dames, I’m not—I’m not like Courtney, or Olivia, or Sarah— all of them are beautiful, and stylish, and here I am gaining more weight because you feed me, and still not know how to apply proper eyeshadow,” How you said that without cracking a voice was a mystery but your heart was stinging and your mind was spinning.

“I’m disgusting…”

Only the sound of your hiccups were heard as Damien looked at you with utter disbelief.

And you were scared because he might realize it that yes, he could do better.

“Y/N…” That made you look up at him and you were greeted with Damien’s disappointed face.

“How dare you call the woman I love disgusting?” He started and your eyes widen.

“How dare you to listen to those people when I tell you every day how much I love you?”

“Damien,”

“And how dare you compare yourself to anyone?” His voice softened and you cried again, wrapping your arms around Damien’s neck as you cried. You whispered some apologies and you felt Damien releasing a hiccup.

Now, Damien rarely cries. It made you cry more because of you made Damien sad.

“Oh Y/N… I love you so much,” He whispered while sniffing as he circled his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. “Please, oh god, please. Do not ever think of yourself so low…” You finally pulled your head away and both of you stared at each other.

“I’m sorry Damien,” He leaned in and kissed your lips softly.

“Oh bubb,” He cupped your face and kissed your nose. “I love you,” He then kissed your forehead. “I love you,” Then your chin. “I love you”

Your cheeks, “I love you,”

He grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckle, “I love you,” Then every fingertip with I love you.

You were blushing as Damien lets go of your hand and wrapped them around your waist again and squeezed, your robe falling a little on your shoulders and Damien took the opportunity to kiss it, murmuring an I love you before kissing another spot higher followed by another I love you.

Once he reached your jaw, he kissed your lips again.

“I love you,”

Sometimes you wonder, where Damien came from and how did you manage to get this sweet guy. You were just thankful for the heavens above that you met him.

“Love you too, Damien.”

~*~*~

Excuse any grammar errors okay?tell me what ya’ll think haha lovelots

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[piierogis]

Some fun highlights from Les Miserables (1935)

No wifi so it's time to watch the movies I have downloaded, which are mainly various adaptations of Les Mis. So some impressions from the 1935 one! Shortly: Cosette knows everything and wants to help her crime dad run from the police, Éponine and Valjean are friends now, Marius is all of the Amis in one and therefore much more competent, even Gavroche doesn't exist and Javert is emotional and likes to talk.

Exhibit A: bread

Javert on his first appearance looks like he's about to cry. That sure is a choice

Javert coming to M-sur-M interrupts Madeleine's conversation with the candlesticks so while they talk he's just clutching one of the candlesticks standing on the mantelpiece. Also he looks like he might attack Javert with it any moment

Fantine barges into Madeleine's office threatening to kill him. She got no attention prior to this, she still has her hair and all. Proceeds to almost hit Javert. Amazing

Javert: "Well, monsieur Madeleine seems to have no respect for the law, hehehe :D"

Valjean comes for Cosette before the trial. He sees her when he enters the inn, and leaves with her when she's sent to get water from... The well right in front of the door.

Oh I loved this baby Cosette immediately. She gets right into chatting with Valjean. Zero fear of weird strangers.

"How old are you?" "Eight. I think." "Don't you know? Don't you have birthdays?" "No. The others do!"

"Is that woman your mother?" "(revolted) Oh NO."

"And your father?" "My father's in heaven." Baby he's most definitely not and will not be

He brings Cosette to M-sur-M and she lives there with him and his housekeeper who is Toussaint, somehow, as they wait for Fantine to get better. Valjean beats tiny Cosette at checkers. That's a nice AU.

Javert stop disturbing their board game evening with your resignation

Valjean's "Who am I" moment being disturbed by Cosette's laughter

"Toussaint, order a carriage!" (a minute later) "Cancel the carriage! I'm not going!" (another minute later) "I'll go to Arras."

The trial made me sad :(

He came beck to tell Cosette that he's leaving and Cosette thinks that it's her fault and she's going back to the inn D:

A shot of Javert's boots, which reach the middle of his thigh. Got immediately reminded of Kinky Boots.

Fantine dies and nuns circle her immediately, they creep me out

Valjean: "Your very presence killed her." (yeets Javert through the door)

Wild carriage ride to Paris! Cosette on top of the carriage, screaming! An army of policemen on horses chasing them! Dramatic music! I'm pretty sure the same shots were used like 5 times! Also the carriage has "M. Madeleine" written on the side. So intense

Cut to some small room. Someone knocks to the door. Valjean jumps on the bed and covers himself with blankets. Tiny Cosette opens the door.

Cosette has 0 issues with Valjean being hunted by police. I'm pretty sure that she's ready to fight them

Valjean got into the convent because he handed in a recommendation letter from Madeleine

So many convent girls dressed in bridal clothes

How did the nuns never learn about what happened to Madeleine that I don't know

A now mustached Valjean and an older Cosette exit the convent and immediately see convicts, conveniently passing through there. Cosette is sad about how they're being treated :(

Valjean: "Has anyone told you that you're beautiful?" Cosette: "No! But I hope that it's true! Many have told me that I have a handsome escort, though!"

Ah yes, Les Amis are "not revolutionary" and "not into politics" and it looked like police attacked them for handing out leaflets. Also Marius being Enjolras

Valjean decided to give money to Marius for The Cause and Cosette went to deliver them personally to the cafe

Marius is not Pontmercying very much. Javert is stalking his secret dates with Cosette.

Both Valjean and Cosette noticed Javert stalking around their house. Cosette is still 100% supportive of her dad being on the run from the police. I love her.

Éponine is SO bitter

"We're moving to England" "... I love Marius"

VALJEAN SUDDENLY SEEMS AGGRESSIVE. WHY. WE WERE DOING SO WELL. Also please don't tell me that was a Valjean/Cosette undertone. A bad scene.

Cosette promised to go to England and forget Marius because of Valjean. Valjean promised to "make inquiries" about him from England. This scene is still weird

Éponine falls through the door! Valjean catches her! She brought a letter from Marius to Cosette! She is very hysterical about that and Valjean gave her brandy. They're buddies now

Her eyebrows scare me

Valjean hanging out with Éponine and plotting about Marius and Cosette. Love it. A nice pair of besties.

Javert is still randomly standing in the corners, now also shouting "Valjeeeean!"

Valjean and Cosette running around the city together looking for Marius!

Javert comes after them and just. A revolutionary looks at him. "Who are you? A spy?" "I might be a spy and I'm certainly the police!" THE REVOLUTION JUST STARTED LIKE 5 SECONDS AGO

Valjean takes him away before they even tie him up, why is everything happening so fast

Javert is hysterical and Valjean completly ignores him

Éponine and Marius were together, looking dead and Valjean checked Éponine's pulse before taking Marius :(

Javert's boots are now a bit shorter.

Also he went into the sewers after Valjean

Love the random human skull in the sewers

Valjean takes the wounded Marius straight to Cosette, without meeting Javert or anything?

Then his JAVERT SENSES start TINGLING

"Javert. Javert. You're here. I know it. Where are you? Where are you?" that's deeply disturbing

I don't know if he was going to be handcuffed, it just looked like they were holding hands

Marius is conscious by now, knows that Valjean had saved him. Tbh I love how this adaptation deletes 100% of people now knowing things

Valjean goes to say goodbye to Cosette, then goes outside and steps on handcuffs

He sees Javert walking into the Seine right across his house and runs to him and I'm sad again :(

That's where the movie ends so I have no reason to believe that he doesn't fish him out

[loudsoulgentlemen]

Sunday Word.

What Am I Doing This Weekend.

Work.

It Might Not Look Like I Work. BUT. I Do Alot. All My Employees Can See Me Work. Can See My Work. Cause I Educated Them On My Life Styles And What To Expect And When! MAXIMUM Productivity. Thank You For Understanding. Thank You For Understanding Your Training. I Am The Boss!. I Am Working. I Am Working For You, And My Family. I Am Also Working For Me. My Dreams Come True.! I Have Dreams. Wonky Glimpses Of The Future. Has My Future Been Prooved The BEST!? YES! My Helm On The Planet Is Highly Reigned! And Globally Celebrated. My Achievements Are Your Achievements. Your Achievements Are Mine. And Yours Achievements. My Thoughts On EveryOnes Mind! "How Do You Like Working For Chris?" - "The Best God Damn Boss On The Planet! ThAts! RIGHT!"

This Sunday. Just Saw My Wife. SHE HAS MY CARS! *PURE LOVE! Look At That Bad Girl Go! Oh So Sexxy Oh So Rich! That's My Baby Taking Care Of My Money! Family! And Money!? Hehehe I Make More! And SHE LOVES TO SPEND IT! Hahaha! Her And My Children. My Morning Light Super Star Children! They Do Obey, Not To Mention My First Born. He Grew Up With Money. I Want Him To Dream! I Want Him To SPEND! I WAnt Him TO MAKE HIS DREAMS COME TRUE! EVERY NEW DREAM! Just Like His Daddeh! .x. Love! Xxmmxxx! The Ruling Family! Business! We Make Friends. We Love Family. If I Am ThHIS COOL My BloodLine MUST Be WORTH IT! FAMILY People Family! You Cant GEt Famous Without Sharing, You Cant Get Rich Without Sharing, ahem! FAMILY! Remember That, Take notes! *Hahaha! .XxX.

This Sunday. I. Am. Blessed.

To Be Loved!

Its Not Easy To Be Loved.

Its Not Easy Being Loved.

It Is Not Easy To Love!

Comes With Expectations, and Support. Change A Faint Idea Into A Whole Industry. My Service. WorldWide Freedom. Global Finance Currency Exchange Rates, New Formula Being Spewed Almost Every Week If Not Every Month By Me!. MY SERVICE! IS Going To Be BIG! AnyWhere AnyHow! Make Your Money! "I Am A Good Catholic And A Very Good Investor! I Would Love To Live In Texas Near All The Important People! Then, Italy Rome, France Paris, Ireland Dublin And Greece Athens. Can You Do That For Me!?" - "Yes Maim All The Way Home!" - "Hihi I Might Not Come Back Home." - "That's Fine Too. We Can Arrange That For You!."

So. ?

Make Your Money. You Are One Step Closer To Making Your Dreams Come True! I Am One Step Closer To MAking YOur Dreams Come True! Trust In Chacha Cooperative! Trust In Chacha. Chris Raphael Chacha. His Good For You!.

Today: I Am Working On Rescueing Facebook. Its Been Under Attack From Small Thinkers And Selfish Men And Women For A LONG TIME! Frivelous Acts! And We Can Prove It! 8 Years On! "ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF?" - "WHAT DID YOU GET?" - "YOU HAVE A CHANCE." - "RESCIND THE COMPLAINT. Save Yourself. Save Facebook." The Thing Is. You Had No Idea Just How Special Facebook Is.! And You Wont Untill It Goes Away! What Happened To My Space And Hi5!? A Fun Way To Say: I Love You. So I Am Sharing MySelf With You! - "Oh! FACEBOOK Is Boring! ... Did You Have AnyThing Else? Do You Prefer Social Communications Via Email, Whatsapp And WhAt!?" Do Share! What IS GREATER Than 'THE FACEBOOK'!? - "MY FACEBOOK!.?" Think About It! Lets Challenge Ourselves! And Save Facebook! Are Your Memories Gone!? Who Deleted Your Picture? Who Took Your Video? All The Cool Wise Words You've Ever SAid!? THINK ABOUT IT! Let Me Explain BitCoin! Its Money! Algorythms That Show The Importance Of Your Interactions! FaceBook HAs And Uses BitCoin! You WAnna Know If Your Smart Or Important? Try Facebook Bitcoins! Its Alot Easier To Earn BitCoin Than You Think! -JUST BE YOURSELF!-

Truth Be SAid. If You Dont Trust FACEBOOK. I Give You An EAsy WAy Out. Found And Locked In Programme Alogorythms On A Few New Internet\Web Browsers, Check Who Owns Them! Web Browsers That Calculate Your BitCoin In REAL TIME! THEY SHOULD MAKE ONE FOR PHONES TOO! They Have. They Did! SOMEONE IS STEALING YOUR BITCOIN! BUT NOT STEALING YOUR IDEAS WHICH COMES CLOSE TO STEALING YOUR BITCOIN BUT NOT STEALING YOUR IDEAS. Its The Algorythm! If Its Yours Its Yours, New Law. Some Wont Have BitCoin. The Elite. And Well Educated, Well Taught, Will Find: They Are More Interesting Than They Thought! At The EQUALITY OF It All? - "I AM LOVED!" - WHICH IS TOO IMPORTANT! MONEY! - In Afrika! Wote Tuna Jua! - MOney! Is SeXXy! - Dirty SExxy Money! Do WOmen LOve DiRty Sex!? - But They DO! LOVE! Dirtty SeXXe MOney! - "Spend It On Me BABY! ;x" - PRINCESS!. - THEY EXIST! WHO WOULDNT WANT A PRINCESS TO MAKE THEIR LIVES INTERESTING!? WHO WOULDNT WANT A PRINCESS TO MAKE THEM INTERESTING!? - THINK ABOUT IT!? :Happy! - ;X

MORE LOVE IN THE WORLD! I Do That, That Is Why, I, Am, Loved. Myself.! I Do That For You. I Do That For You All. It Is A Priveldge And An Honour For Me To Care. About You.

I Went Away, I Come Back And Everything Is Shagala Bagala! But The Platform Still Runs. Today. I Make It Better. Today. I Make It A MArket Leader RIGHT Infront Of You!

JESUS?

You WAnt A Quip From Jesus!?

"Dad. Why Can't He Be My Friend?"

His Family Isn't Trying To Compete With Ours. They're Trying To Kill Ours, And i Have Had ENOUGH! "Honey, I'll Be Back Late. Gotta Bury Him And Take Care To Business. Take Care OF Business. Love You See You LAter! Mwaah!"

Papers? That's All My DAd Is Gonna DO!? PApers! Drown Him In Law? I Thought He Was Stronger Than That Mum! "Hihi! Trust Your Dad. He Did Say What He WAs Doing, Hihi, Your Dad Is A King Little One. Watch Him Work."

Papers.!

"Do You Prefer Gold?"

We HAve AlOt! Of Gold!.

"We Have ALOT Of PApers Too!" Hihi! .Xx.

All Yours My Son.

"The Star In His Eye!"

You Have Plenty Friends. He Just Tires Of ThAt One! We Need A Better Design. For You! He Himself? "Thinks Everyone Is His Friends, Because ThEy Cannot Kill Him.!"

DAD Is ThAT GREAT!? ??

Yes Little One. Your Father Is Amazing!

So Your In Love?

AS Much AS I Am With You. As Much AS I See In You As I See In Your Father. I Am GREATLY In Love. And THAT! Will Not Change! Love You So Much!

Love You Too Mama!

Now Go Play.

I AM Experementing.!

Do Your Homework!

After I Figure Out Why PEople Think Shadows Are Black?

What Other Colour Can They Be?

On Them. Off Them. Through Them. With Them.? Can You Make A Shadow Caravan! IT WOULD BE INVISIBLE RIGHT!?

JESUS!

"Yes MaMa, I Am Going To Play!" :SpiritsDropping

"FINE! Lets See Who WAnts To Stare At The Freak!"

Your Beautiful. ... Thats Why. ..

JESUS!

[sociopathic-killer]

Dylan Klebold’s journal.

Ah yes, this is me writing . . . just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts — this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think .. . think . . . that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking . . . all the time . . . my mind never stops . . . music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking . . . about the asshole in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly & ) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream . .. I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads1 on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people ( ) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me — how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake — artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart.... & I sit & think ... science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now — like the mind — yet if the mind is viewed scientifically . .. hmm I dwell in the past . .. thinking of good & bad memories A lot on the past though . . . I’ve always had a thing for the past — how it reacts to the present & the future — or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem — when Dylan Benet2 Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body ... as I see the people at school — some good, some bad — I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses — I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge too [?]. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life ... that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe — my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me — my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me ... that I can accept them ... the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing ... The Lost Highway3 sounds like a movie about me . .. I’m gonna write later, bye 

Yo . . . whassup . . . heheheheh . . . know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear — like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me ... Check it ... (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here. .. . Within the known limits of time . . . within the conceived boundaries of space . . . the average human thinks those are the settings of existence . . . yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions,” says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions — L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought — Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another .. . a dream. Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 [degrees] to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then. .. . BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life. Hypnosis place — It is a sky — with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair — the sun is at the head of the chair .. . 10 o’clock up into the sky .. . Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth — sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair — actually like a chaise — & I am talking . . . to what? I don’t know — it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t . . . & we talk like we are the same person — like he’s my soul... . The everlasting contrast.... Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers — but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception — most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!

It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) . . . but anyway . . . My best friend6 ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained ... “passed on” ... in my book. Ever since 7 (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him ... that’s the only place he’s been with her ... if anyone had any idea how sad I am ... I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely ... when came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around → ... I hope. That’s all — for this topic — maybe I’ll never see this again.8 ô = — — = ô <<–VoDKA–>> My 1st Love???? OH my God ... I am almost sure I am in love ... with .9 Hehehe ... such a strange name, like mine ... yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) — some — I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If [crossed out] soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno ... :-) , I love you — Dylan

My thoughts Oooh god I want to die sooo bad .. . such a sad desolate lonely unsalvageable I feel I am .. . not fair, NOT FAIR!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it ... Let’s sum up my life ... the most miserable existence in the history of time . . . my best friend has ditched me forever, lost in bettering himself & having/enjoying/taking for granted his love. . . . I’ve NEVER knew this ... not 100 times near this ... they look at me like I’m a stranger ... I helped them both out thru life, & they left me in the abyss of suffering when I gave them the [?] The one who I thought was my true love, is not. Just a shell of what I want the most ... the meanest trick was played on me a fake love ... she in reality doesn’t give a good fuck about me . . . doesn’t even know me . . . I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!! can get me that gun I hope, I wanna use it on a poor SOB. I know ... his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give ... I stopped the pornography. I try not to pick on people. Obviously at least one power is against me. . . . funny how I’ve been thinking about her over the last few days . . . giving myself fake realities that she, others MIGHT have liked me, just a bit . . . my [bad?] I have always been hated, by everyone & everything, just never aware. . . . Goodbye all the crushes I’ve ever had, just shells . . . images, no truths ... BUT WHY? YES, you can read this, why did [illegible words]. [next to a small picture:] A dark time, infinite sadness, I want to find love

Ignorance is bliss happiness is ambition desolation is knowledge pain is acceptance despair is anger denial is helpless martyrism is hope for others advantages taken are causes of martyrism revenge is sorrow death is a reprieve life is a punishment others’ achievements are tormentations people are alike I am different — Dylan [next to the above:] Goodbye, sorry to everyone . . . I just can’t take it . . . all the thoughts . . . too many . .. make my head twist ... I must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye me is a god, a god of sadness exiled to this eternal hell the people I helped, abandon me I am denied what I want, To love & to be happy Being made a human Without the possibility of BEING human The cruelest of all punishments To some I am crazy It is so clear, yet so foggy Everything’s connected, separated I am the only interpreter of this Id rather have nothing than be nothing Some say godliness isn’t nothing Humanity is the something I long for I just want something I can never have The story of my existence. — Dylan

Me. sorry I didn’t write, A SHITLOAD in my existence ride. ok . . . hell & back . . . I’ve been to the zombie bliss side. . . . & I hate it as much if not more than the awareness part. I’m back now.... a taste of what I thought I want ... wrong. Possible girlfriends are coming then I’ll give the phony shit up in a second want TRUE love ... I just want something I can never have.... True true I hate everything, why can’t I die ... not fair. I want pure bliss ... to be cuddling with , who I think I love deeper than ever . . . I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral10 . . . deeper & deeper it goes, to cuddle with her, to be one w her, to love, just laying there. I need a girl. This is a weird entry ... I should feel happy, but shit brought me down. I feel terrible. The Lost Highway apparently repeats . . . itself. I won’t drink. Now, lucky bastard gets a perfect soulmate, who he can admit FUCKIN SUICIDE to & I get rejected for being honest about fuckin hate for jocks. From the wrong people maybe ... & Anyway .. . here are 2 poems. Fuck me die me Awareness signs the warrant for suffering. Why is it that the zombies achieve something me wants (overdeveloped me). They can love, why can’t I? The true existor lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always looking for, his love. Peace might be the ultimate destination . . . destination unknown. . . . I want happiness . . . abandonment is present for the martyr. My thoughts exist in, want to live in. I want to find a room in the great hall & stay there w my love forever. Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes in this lifetime. How tragic for my [?] dumass shithead I HATE SHIT motherfuckin goddamn piece of death thought and nothin FUCK FUCK FUCK No emotions, not caring, yet another stage in this shit life. Suicide .. . Dylan Klebold

Thoughts Farther and farther distant . . . That’s what’s happening . . . me & everything that zombies consider real . . . just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope . . . Burn → “with all your life fucked up around you” I get more depressed with each day . . . more Evil. . . . & I can’t ever stop it!!! [illegible scribble] Some god I am.... All people I ever might have loved have abandoned me, my parents piss me off & hate me . . . want me to have fuckin ambition!! How can I when I get screwed & destroyed by everything??!!! I have no money, no happiness, no friends ... Eric will be getting further away soon.... I’ll have less than nothing ... how normal. I wanted to love ... I wanted to be happy and ambitions and free & nice & good & ignorant.... everyone abandoned me ... I have small stupid pleasures ... my so called hobbies & doings ... those are all that’s left for me ... clinging onto the smallest rocks ... many people climbing up a never ending vertical cliff. . . . & found a plateau to exist on. . .they walked up me to get to it. Nobody will help me . . . only exist with me if it suits them. I helped, why can’t they? will get me a gun, I’ll go on my killing spree11 against anyone I want. More crazy . . . deeper in the spiral, lost highway repeating, dwelling on the beautiful past ( & getting drunk) with me, everyone moves up, I always stayed. Abandonment. This room sucks wanna die everything is as least expected. The meek are trampled on, the assholes prevail, the gods are deceiving, lost in my little insane asylum with the outhouse [?] redneck music playing. . . . wanna die & be free with my love . . . if she even exists. She probably hates me . . . finds a [?] or a jock who treats her like shit. I remember details . . . nothing worth remembering I remember. I don’t know my love: could be , or or , or , or anyone. I don’t know & I’m sick of not knowing!! To be kept in the dark is a punishment!! I have lost my emotions ... like in Hurt the song. NIN.12 people eventually find happiness I never will. Does that make me a non-human? YES. The god of sadness.... church was so fun ... the rec thing with 

Beeerr ... Man I don’t know what’s up lately ... never do in existence. All this shit with & friends ... so weird & different from past.... yet again, that’s the way in existence. I wonder if I’ll ever have a love . . . my love. got his, I don’t, won’t ever get mine. Here’s all the people I’ve loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) — all the same meaning

is the newest ... the purest (for now) ... seems perfect for me ... I seem perfect for her. I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well ... my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.

Existence . .. to understand Well well . . . so much changes . . . (like existence). I understand almost everything now . . . so close to my love — . The runes have shown it, she has shown it, I have felt it. I know the meaning of each life: to be loved by your love, & to be happy with ones self. Only for the gods though (me, , etc.). the zombies & their society band together & try to destroy what is superior13 (what they don’t understand & are afraid of. Soon.... either I’ll commit suicide, or I’ll get with & it will be NBK14 for us. My happiness. Her happiness. NOTHING else matters. I’ve been caught with most of my crimes — xpl [for example] drinking, smoking & the house vandalism, & the pipe bombs. If, by fate’s choice, didn’t love me, I’d slit my wrist & blow up Atlanta15 strapped to my neck. It’s good, understanding a hard road since my realization, but it gets easier. BUT IT DOESN’T! that’s part of existence. Unpredictable. Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end, the music in my head will never stop ... total [?] part of existence. The hall will never end. The love will always be there. GOD I LOVE HER!!! It’s so great to love. Society is tightening its grip on me, & soon I & will snap. We will have our revenge on society, & then be free, to exist in a timeless spaceless place of pure happiness. The purpose of life is to be happy & be with your love who is equally happy. Not much more to say. Goodbye. Almost happiness is slavery — the real people (gods) are slaves to the majority of zombies, but we know & love being superior. I didn’t want to be a jock. I hated the happiness that they have — & I will have something infinitely better. I love her & she loves me. (By the way, some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate .. . like my parents.) I am GOD, is GOD the zombies will pay for their arrogance, hate, fear, abandoned, & distrust

I love you that’s all I think about anymore ... I know that this humanity is almost over, that we will be free. We have proven to fate that we are the everything of purity & halcyon, & that we deserve, need, love, can’t exist without each other. It’s hard, I think that I might not be enough, my mind sometimes gets stuck on its own things, I think about human things — all I try to do is imagine the happiness between us. That is something we cannot even conceive in this toilet earth. The everything, the halcyon, the happiness is ours, there will be no notes from me. Let the humans suffer without my knowledge of the everything. I am trying not to think about the happiness, somehow thinking that 16 will destroy it if I conceive/relish in it when I’m a human, but I love her. We are soulmates.

You don’t consciously know who I am (please don’t skip to the back: read the note as it was written), & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinince. I think about you all the time, how this world would be a better place if you loved me as I do you. I know what you’re thinking: “(some psycho wrote me this harassing letter)” I hoped we could have been together ... you seem a bit like me. Pensive, quiet, an observer, not wanting what is offered here (school, life, etc.) you almost seem lonely, like me. You probably have a boyfriend though, & might not have given this note another thought. I have thought you my true love for a long time now, but . . . well . . . there was hesitation. You see I can’t tell if you think of anyone as I do you, & if you did who that would be. Fate put me in need of you, yet this earth blocked that with uncertainties. I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you, the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, don’t tell anybody about this, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don’t feel any guilt about my soon-to-be “absence” of this world (it is solely my decision: no one else’s) oh ... the thoughts of us ... doing everything together, not necessarily anything, just to be together would have been pure heaven. I guess it’s time to tell you who I am. I was in a class with you 1st semester, & was blessed with being with you in a report. I still remember your laugh. Innocent, beautiful, pure. This semester I still see you — rarely. I am entranced during 5th period, as we both have it off. To most people, I appear . . . well . . . almost scary, but that’s who I appear to be as people are afraid of what they don’t understand. I denied who I was for a long time. Until high school.... anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes with an open heart. I think you know who I am by now. Unfortunately ... even if you did like me even the slightest bit, you would hate me if you knew who I was. I am a criminal. I have done things that almost nobody would even think about condoning. The reason that I’m writing you now is that I have been caught for the crimes I committed, & I want to go to a new existence. You know what I mean (suicide). I have nothing to live for, & I wont be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction. However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you ... I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me. 99/100 chances you probably think I’m crazy, & want to stay as far away as possible. If that’s the case, then I’m very sorry for involving an innocent person in my problems, & please don’t think twice. However, if you are who I hoped for in my dreams & realities, then do me a favor: leave a piece of paper in my locker saying anything that comes to you. Well, I guess this is it — goodbye, & I love(d) you. Dylan Klebold

I LOVE !! I love her to infinince. I look back on my awareness journey, see the parts & sections of my understanding . . . it’s almost done, yet it is never done, I love . She is my soulmate, my [?] all the imaginative halcyons & pure existences I have with her (to me) are almost happiness ... I just wish I could call her...something blocks me from calling her, my human side is putting up a wall to prevent me from calling her, like a fear of “its” truth. BS. I will overcome all fears, doubts, & zombie-based thoughts (oxymoron) . . . I will follow our hearts to the halcyon, loving her. I love you

Forever fate, up & down spiral 1.5 human years . . . so much changed in small time, my friends (at my choice) are depleting & collapsing under each other (Eric & ) like I thought they would, I am ready to be with . The ups & downs of fate are forever, good & bad, equal me. The lost highway, & downward spiral never end. Existence is like infinity times itself. ∞∞ [symbolizes infinity to the power of infinity] I have passed thru this much of the ever existence, this is almost a checkpoint. The zombies have set their [place? plane?] in my mind for the cliff theory I’ve [?] off with & we’ve floated away to the halcyon. The zombies will pay for their being, their nature. I know everything, yet I know nothing. I am a true god. My infinite memories, thoughts, perceivations of purity come a lot more with her, there is pure pure happiness — the purpose of our existence. I hate, love things, hate everything, love me & . I understand that I can never ever be a zombie, even if I wanted to. The nature of my entity. Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god. Things are so simple, now that they are infinitely complicated. HAHAHAHA.

I understand whatever of everything. I am the god of the everything. Fate is my only master. This is probably my last entry. I love my self close second to my everlasting love. Goodbye. I will never stop learning Dylan Klebold

This shit again. Back at writing, doing just like a fucking zombie. Lately I can’t change my mind from the fucking deeds of zombies. Earth, humanity, HERE. That’s mostly what I think about. I hate it. I want to be free . . . free . . . I thought it would have been time by now. The pain multiplies infinitely never stops Yet [?] I’m here, STILL alone, still in pain, so is she. The thing I have concluded is that fate will decide when we should be together. decided when our existence started, it should end the same way, with us unknowing, in limbo. I love you . Always have, will. The scenarios, images, pieces of happiness still come. they always will. I love her she loves me. I know she is tired of suffering as I am. It is time. It is time. I love her the journey, the endless journey started, it has to end. We need to be happy to exist truly. I see her in perfection, the halcyons. I await endless purity. I exist as less than nothing without her. –O. my humanity, –O. I don’t know if I should call her, or wait for to act. Yet, calling her is a state of humanity. I’m forever sorry, infinitely, about the pornos. My humanity has a foot fetish & bondage extreme liking. I try to thwart it sometimes to no effect. Yet the masturbation has stopped. I’m sorry . Always I feel the [?] happiness here, thinking of her for brief moments. That’s how I know the everything is true.

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. Maybe going “NBK” (gawd) with Eric is the way to break free. I hate this.

The weather is a replication of our thoughts. The happiness is possible, imminent, I [?] on . The happiness is close visible ending, end of the beginning of the halcyons. The humanity is blocking me again. Time to go. HAHAHAHA fuck all. Hate this shit, need to be me, [?], love her. The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that I am different, yet I am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions [illegible word in parentheses] I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. someday ... possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen . .. Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of oneself. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As I look for love, I feel I can’t find it. Ever. But something tells me I will, someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me, she feels as I do right now, I can feel it, we will be inseparable. Her & I. Whether it is or not, I think I’ll find it (my love). We will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness .. . no limits .. . no limits. Nothing will stop us.

► Separate document:

The humanity of here & now clouds all that I see. Yet the me, the one, can now control the pain, & it is done. 5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journeyed wall. Humans are zombies, they scratch for acceptance & greed & kill themselves thru each other. They will never learn, or maybe they will, but wont have the strength to learn to be aware is not a trait, it’s a godlike thing. Blessed God, not a Christian, Jesus, Mt. Sinai, Abraham, David, Bible gay shit god, but a true controller of existence. was to make us this way. These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever, like, tears, in, rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number. Stupid gay nigger humans think I’m “crazy.” Or they think I’m childish. Hahaha, because I can’t solve [math equation]. That makes me dumb! Because I can’t stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th!17 Haha. So I wait 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 eternities, & I know her & I are all conceived from ourselves & each other, every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we conceived, we have finished the race. Time to die. Everything we knew we were able to understand it, to perceive it, into what we should. Everything we knew, we know & use. An understanding of the everything. An Einstein stuck in an ant’s body. We are the nature of existence. The zombies were a test, to see if our love was genuine. We are in wait of our reward, each other. The zombies will never cause us pain anymore. The humanity was a test. I love you, love. Time to die, time to be free, time to love. 1. One day, one is the beginning, [?] the end. Hahaha. Reversed, yet true. About 26.5 hours from now the judgment will begin. Difficult, but not impossible, necessary, nerve-wracking & fun. What fun is life without a little death? It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful. HAHAHAH, of course I will miss things. Not really.

His Will:

Ok, this is my will. This is a fucking human thing to do, but whatever. — you were a badass, never failed to get me up when I was down. Thx. You get FUCKT

[rukakikuchi]

Even in a dream, I’ll go beyond time to meet you (WMatsui) - Chapter 1 “Nice to meet you”

Rena woke up from her sleep, finding herself back in her room. She looked around confused, not remembering when she had gotten home. She slowly got up, rubbing her eyes.

“That was one weird dream…” she mumbled before feeling something near her hand. She looked down and saw her phone lying near the tips of her fingers.

She picked up her phone and checked the time.

“10:01 AM”

“Uwa! I’m late!”

Rena hurriedly changed out of her pajamas and rushed to the train station, dialing her phone to call the office.

“Hello, sir! I’m so sorry I’m late! I overslept and--”

She heard the man chuckle.

“Oh, I understand. Don’t worry, I have Furukawa-kun taking care of things until you get here.”

“Eh? Really?”

“Yes. Yamada-kun told me you were very tired last night, so you come once you’re fully awake.”

Rena smiled. “Thank you, sir. I’ll see you later.”

After she hung up, she noticed a memo on her phone that she didn’t remember posting.

“To Rena-san, if you’re reading this, then let me know this is not a dream. I think I might have somehow time travelled to the future and ended up in your body. If you see this message, leave me a sign that this did indeed happen. -Jurina”

“What..? So…” Rena thought back to her dream last night. When she had woken up in an unfamiliar place and time, in the body of somehow else. “That wasn’t a dream?”

----------------------------

Jurina’s mind was racing. All she could think about was that odd dream she had when she fell asleep. Everything she saw, everything she experienced in her slumber, felt so real. No… it felt too real.

“I wonder if she saw the message I left her…” she pondered, quietly uttering the name of the stranger her consciousness had possessed. “Rena-san.”

She had already sent out a letter to her best friend, Mayu, who was still in Japan, to ask her about the matter. Mayu was a smart girl, so she hoped that she’d have some answers to her curious dream.

She also asked Johnny about yesterday, and…

“Hmm, not that I think about it, you did seem a tad strange when I came back from the men’s room. It was almost as if you had no idea what was going on around you.”

“So, was she in my body?” She sat in the peaceful quiet of her room, leaning back in her seat. “What would happen if I try to go back..?”

Thinking this, she closed her eyes, concentrating on going back to see Rena. She thought of the face she had seen when she was in that moment, and felt herself being drawn forward.

Meanwhile…

“Haa, finally, I get a break…” Rena stretched her arms as she leaned back into her office chair. She then let out a yawn. “Just gonna rest my eyes for a bit…”

As she shut her eyes, leaning her head against her arms, she felt her body became light, as if she were floating. She started dreaming of something that looked as if it came out of an old film.

She saw a young girl holding a camera as she took pictures of things around an old European town.

“I’m here again..? That girl… she’s the one from my last dream. Is she Jurina?”

She watched Jurina touring the stone streets, looking at all the buildings and passing by a bakery. As if she were really there, Rena could smell the freshly cooked bread and pastries. It made her stomach growl and her mouth water smelling the warm scent.

Then suddenly, she blinked and found herself standing in front of that very bakery. She looked at her hands and saw she was holding Jurina’s camera.

“It happened again… So it wasn’t a dream, after all.”

Hearing a small growl from her stomach, she stepped inside the bakery, ordering a fresh baked blueberry muffin.

As she ate the baked treat, she started pondering about her situation.

“Hmm, if I’ve really gone back in time, why does it seem I’m connected with this girl? More importantly, if I’m here, she’s in my body, right? How does that even work if it only happens when we fall asleep?”

She tapped her chin as she looked down at the bag that was strapped around her. She opened it up and found a brown leather notebook and pen.

Opening up the book, she left a small message for the girl and finished her muffin. She looked back at the front counter, eying a small strawberry tart that seemed to stand out from the other pastries.

She decided it to purchase it to go and took the container holding it. As she started walking out, her vision started to turn white as she felt herself being pulled by something.

She woke back up in her office, her head lying on the table next to her closed laptop.

“Finally up, sleepyhead?”

Rena looked up and saw her co-worker Akane giving her a smirk.

“Churi-chan?”

“Your sleeping face was as cute as usual,” Akane showed her a picture of her sleeping face.

“Hey!” Rena tried to snatch the phone away, but Akane drew her arm back, keeping it out of her reach.

“This picture is special. There’s no way I’ll let you delete it.”

“Mou~” the girl pouted before noticing a small note left for her.

She opened it up and her eyes widened.

“Nice to meet you, Rena. -Jurina”

“Hehehe~ Airin, you have to see this!” she heard Akane say as she walked off. Her eyes trailed back to the note.

“I knew it! It wasn’t a dream after all!”

------------------------

Jurina woke up to a new scent. She opened her eyes and saw that sitting in front of her was a white box containing a strawberry tart.

“Rena-san..! Did she leave this for me?”

She quickly got out her notebook and looked through the pages.

“Please, please let there be a sign..!” she prayed, until she saw a certain page.

“Nice to meet you, Jurina. -Rena”

A smile curved her lips. “I was right.”