#might ask the person i'm doing a relief for is she has any plans

[batterycityraces]

co-worker: my parents know most of the notable wine makers in australia and new zealand. our CEO is our family friend and i didn't even realise when i went for the job

me: i take my parents empty cans and bottles for cash

[nerdy-novelist017]

Ponytails and Promises (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader pt 5)

I'm sorry it's taken such a long time to get this posted ☹️ I've been dealing with a few health problems lately and it's made it hard to be creative. I'm not super proud of this but I hope you enjoy it regardless. As always, I'm so grateful for all of you wonderful readers! 🫶

Benny x Bunny Masterlist

Word Count- 3.1k+

Summary- Time spent apart has both Benny and yourself wondering what the other is thinking.

******

For the tenth time in a row, you rehearsed what you were going to say as you peddled your bicycle down the street, the morning sun shining through the trees above. You’d been up all night, a ball of nerves working its way through your tummy in preparation of today’s meeting. The diner was busy when you approached, cars and even a few motorcycles parked out front. You hopped off your bike, swallowing thickly as you propped it in the bicycle rack. You tried to spot his motorcycle but quickly scolded yourself for even remembering the particular design of his. Thankfully, you didn’t see it in the lineup. You smoothed out your ponytail and checked your romper for any signs of creasing that he might not like. Satisfied with your appearance, you pushed the front door open and scanned the inside. 

He sat at a booth on the far side and you swallowed your nerves and did a quick assessment of him as you neared. He didn’t look to be physically injured and you breathed a sigh of relief. He looked up when you stood before him and flashed you a quick, fleeting smile. As he said your name and it almost sounded unfamiliar to you. 

“Hi, Pete,” you smiled as you waited for him to stand to greet you. 

He nodded, motioning for you to sit and you tried not to appear dispirited as you slid into the opposite booth. There was a Coca-Cola bottle in front of him and you noticed that he’d ordered you water. You had to remind yourself that he didn’t know you very well yet and that he probably didn’t recall you preferred coke too. 

“You look very nice,” you said, attempting to cut through the awkwardness between you. 

He nodded again, murmuring a thanks.

Okay, better to get straight to your rehearsed lines, you supposed. “Thank you for meetin’ with me. A–and I owe you an apology. Pete, I had no idea he was going to do that.”

“Who was he?” Pete asked directly, cutting your speech short.

You put your hands out of the table in front of you, playing with the straw wrapper as you spoke, “He’s just some guy, a biker–”

“Yeah, I got that. I mean how do you know him?” 

“He . . . was somebody I met when I was out with Kathy. Met him at a picnic,” you explained carefully as your gaze searched Pete’s eyes behind his glasses. “Remember, the one I told you about?”

“She’s becoming a bit of a wild thing, huh?” he asked and you could sense that it wasn’t really a question. There was a blatant statement hanging in his tight voice. 

“She’s always been like that, I think,” you replied, trying to smother the defensive tone in your voice. “And I was only there for a short time, but I guess he took a liking to me.”

Pete hummed, glanced out the window for a moment so you continued, “Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what he did. You’re a really good person and you don’t deserve that.” You considered reaching across the table to touch his hand, but he leaned back in his seat before you could. “And. . . I was excited about our date.”

“Do your parents know about where you went? About him?” He seemed not to hear your last statement. 

“No,” you admitted, brow furrowing. In fact, you haven’t told anyone about your date with Benny. Not even Kathy. You just came straight home and went up to bed where you laid awake for hours, mind reeling through every conversation the two of you shared, every word he spoke. 

“They’d never approve of that,” he pointed out as he looked back at you. 

“Well, they’re never going to find out because I don’t plan on seeing him again,” you stated, looking down at the condensation building on the outside of your untouched water glass. 

“Good.” The corner of his mouth quirked up. “You don’t belong with a group like that, anyway.”

It was strange hearing that from Pete. It was the same affirmation you had told yourself over and over again last night, but hearing him tell you that, as if you didn’t have a choice in the matter, left a bad taste in your mouth. All you could say was, “Yeah. . .”

You wanted to ask exactly what Benny had said to him, but before you could, Pete leaned forward, seeming to be in better spirits and said, “Dolls like you belong on a shelf where they can be admired and not broken.”

His words, at face value, were sweet, kind, but you couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling that toyed in the back of your mind. Pete was the safe choice, you had to remind yourself. Pete was everything you had wanted for your future-husband, for your life. He wanted you to be exactly who you were raised to be. You could be a quiet doll whose whole existence was to sit on a shelf and look pretty. 

You nodded, leaning forward to take a sip of your water as an excuse to not speak. 

“I’m glad we worked through this,” he said as he waved down the waitress to order. 

“Me too,” you said quietly as he ordered for you. And you meant it, you did. But something felt different with him now. There was a shift that seemed to occur and you weren’t sure what it was or if it would ever resolve. Pete didn’t seem to notice as he prattled on about his upcoming golf tournament, falling into a one-sided conversation that he was comfortable with. 

As you absentmindedly picked at your plate of breakfast, you wondered —just briefly— if Benny was eating breakfast right now and if he was, what was on his plate? 

When there was a lapse in silence, you looked up at Pete, suddenly asking, “Are you still planning on coming to the charity picnic with me today?”

His brows pinched together. “What charity picnic?”

“The one I told you about last week? It’s for the children of Chicago fund. Our church is hosting the cookout, remember?” You asked, specifically recalling having this conversation with him on your first date. But you gave him the benefit of the doubt; maybe he had been trying to process a lot of new information about you and this slipped his mind. 

“Oh, right.” He adjusted the glasses on his nose. “I’ll have to check my schedule, make sure I don’t have anything else going on today.”

“Okay,” you nodded. He confirmed that he could go with you a week ago already. You slid out from the booth, grabbing your purse. “Well, I’ll maybe see you there then?”

He followed you, standing to his feet also. “Yeah.”

You made your way outside and he touched your arm before you could reach your bike. You were afraid that maybe he wanted to kiss you as he leaned forward but he only put his arms around you in a friendly hug instead. 

“Bye, (Y/N),” he said as he broke free, turning and going back to his car. 

“Goodbye, Pete.” 

******

Benny lifted the glass to his lips, downing the rest of his drink. The scent of cigarette smoke and motor oil hung heavy in Cal’s garage where he, Johnny, Wahoo and Corky sat around as Cal worked on Corky’s bike. Benny’s eyes burned as he rubbed his face tiredly. He hadn’t slept well last night – worse than the few hours a night he usually got. His mind was too busy, filled with thoughts of you. Of the way your hair cascaded over your shoulder, of the way your dimples show when you smiled brightly. Of the way you looked so damn beautiful even when you were angry. And you were angry at him of all people which admittedly, he still didn't quite understand why. You were upset that he overstepped, sure. He got that. But when it came to a man like Pete? Benny could take one look at that man and see the strained facade he wore like a mask. Benny’s always been good at reading people, at seeing past the guise. And Pete was no good. 

“What do you think, Benny?” someone had asked, drawing him back to reality. 

“‘Bout what?” he asked, looking up at the faces around the garage.

“About the radiator hose,” Cal informed as he motioned to the stripped down bike and Benny honestly didn’t hear what was even wrong with it in the first place. 

“Probably no good,” he replied with a shrug as he dug out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.

As if Johnny sensed Benny’s more than usual reserve, he asked. “Hey, how’d the date go with Bunny last night?”

Benny glanced up at him. “Went good except I think she’s pissed at me.”

Cal laughed. “How could you consider that good then?”

Benny shot him a narrowed look. “We had a misunderstanding.”

“Are ya sure she’s mad?” Wahoo spoke up from the other side of the motorcycle. “When my old lady is horny, she just acts like she’s mad so I spank her and that really gets her going.” 

Benny sighed. “No, she’s mad.”

“Why? What’d you do?” Johnny inquired. 

Benny wanted to argue in his own defense but shrugged. “She’s upset that I had to run off her date.”

“She had a date?” 

“Mh-hm, church-going fellow.” Benny lit his cigarette, taking a long drag of it before continuing, “Caught him before she knew he was there.”

“Did ya kill him or somethin’?” Corky’s eyes widened. 

“Nah, just had a talk with him,” Benny clarified as he stood from his lawn chair, moving to look out the bay door. “He was late to their date anyway and . . . I just wanted to have a talk with him, see what kind of man he was. And I didn’t like what I saw.” He was one of those men who pretended to be something he’s not, who perfected the craft of lying to people – especially women. And Benny didn’t have any respect for liars.

“Okay, what’d you say to him then?” Johnny wondered.

“Just said ‘Are you willin’ to die for her?’ and he said yeah and then I asked if he was willin’ to kill for her because I was.” Benny recalled the twinge of fear in those eyes as he took a long drag of his cig. “And I think he got the message pretty loud and clear after that.”

Johnny and Cal shared a pointed look as a weighted silence followed Benny’s statement. 

“Jesus, kid,” Wahoo murmured. “This girl’s really got you whipped.”

Benny really didn’t want to have this conversation with an audience. He came here in search of Johnny to seek out his advice, but now that he’d confessed to the group, he felt somewhat . . . smaller. He’d never been one to struggle with his confidence, to care what others thought of him. But the idea that you were upset with him, that maybe you didn’t want him anymore, that maybe he’d ruined his luck with you before he’d even had a taste, well, that just struck Benny deep in his chest. It made his fist clench tightly at his side, made his heart beat a little faster.

Suddenly, Johnny was beside him, hand clapping his shoulder in a friendly manner. “Well, if that’s what made ‘em run away, then it sounds like he was no good anyway.”

Benny remained silent, picturing the sight of you walking away from him last night, choosing to walk home in the dark rather than let him drive you back. 

“So, she’s mad at you for that?”

Benny nodded. 

Johnny shrugged. “Let me tell ya a little somethin’ about women; they may be the same species as us but they ain’t the same creature. They don’t think like you and I. When we see somethin’ that needs said or done, we just do it. But they’re more . . . compassionate, empathetic. She probably feels bad for that poor asshole. Probably just wants ya to apologize to him.”

Benny wanted to roll his eyes. He knew all of this. He wasn’t an idiot. “Well, I told her I wasn’t apologizing for it.”

Groaning sounded behind him and Benny clenched his jaw defensively. “I’m not. I can’t apologize for somethin’ I don’t feel sorry for. I don’t regret runnin’ him off and I'd do it again if I have to.” Though if he needed to do it again, he’d probably not openly tell you again. 

“Then you’re goin’ to have to find another way to get back into her good graces, kid.” Johnny shook his head and Benny thought he saw a hint of a smile in his face as he turned away. "You'll think of somethin'."

******

You’d changed your clothes three times before you gave up and just decided to wear the same thing you’d worn to your breakfast date with Pete. Could it be classified as a date? You weren’t even sure where you stood with him now. He seemed to fall back into his usual demeanor, but that was always so closed-off anyway. But so was your father, you supposed. You could see that in the way he’d sit at the head of the table, face hidden behind his newspaper. It was obvious in the way your mother repeated herself over and over again in an attempt to be heard. It was apparent when he was absent during all your years of school accomplishments. That was the normal. It seemed unfair to expect Pete to be any different.

So you went downstairs, packed up your cake (one you had made special for the charity) in the cooler and hopped on your bicycle. The ride to the church wasn’t far but it gave you more time to consider Pete as you waved to neighbors you passed. Though you actively tried to avoid it, you mind drifted to thoughts of Benny. Was he the type of person to wave to neighbors? What kind of neighborhood did he even live in?

By the time you showed up to the church, the event was in full swing. You parked your bike in the rack and carried your cooler through the tents and booths set up, smiling at friends as you went. You found the pastor's wife who directed you to the bake sale booth where there were a couple other girls already setting up. 

“What’ve you got there?” one of the older women asked as you approached, setting your cooler down on the table. 

“A cake.” you grinned as you pulled out the cake, setting it on the display. You had gotten up extra early today to get started on the desert, knowing the congregation was counting on you to supply the design. The inspiration for the design – admittedly taken from a certain biker who you would not be thinking about anymore – was a a field of brightly colored flowers surrounding the base with a family of tiny bunnies to decorate the top. You were pretty proud of it and to hear the ooo’s and ahh’s of the ladies surrounding you boosted your confidence. They set out a donation jar in front of your display and people began to filter by your booth to admire the goods and to grab a free brownie made by one of the other girls at the table. As the event went on and the sun shifted overhead, you thanked the donors and smiled for pictures, all the while your eyes scanned the crowd, hoping to find Pete close by. 

When there was a pause in the flow of foot traffic, you took the time to crouch below the table to replenish the paper plates when a deep, familiar voice broke through your concentration. 

“Got anymore of your famous cookies?” 

You looked up, gaze locking with the ocean blue eyes of none other than Benny Cross.

You gasped and stood up so quickly you nearly knocked your head on the corner of the table. He was staring unabashedly at you, even being so bold as to roam his eyes down your figure and you suddenly wished you had changed into something a little more formal. Ironic, you thought, considering Benny was anything but formal.

His gaze moved from you down to the cake on the table and his brows raised. “You make this, Little Bunny?”

You swallowed, ignoring the rush of butterflies at the nickname. “Mh-hm.”

He bent down to inspect it closer, hands pressing to his knees and you can’t look away. You couldn’t look away from the cerulean gaze beneath a wall of lashes. You couldn’t look away from the slope of his nose nor the quirk of his mouth as he hummed a sound that came deep in his throat. And no, you couldn’t look away as your gaze traveled down his signature denim jacket to the exposed tanned skin of his arms, the muscle tone enough to make your eyes widen. You certainly didn’t want to look away from his hands over his knee as a flash of heat filled your core at the thought of his hands encasing your own knee.

Benny’s eyes flashed back up to meet yours. “You’re incredible.”

You nearly melted at his words, face heating up and you had to break his intense eye contact.

He stood back to his full height. “If it tastes half as good as it looks, I think I might be in trouble.”

There he goes again with those damn double innuendos. You started to smile but then you remembered you were still mad at him, that you weren’t supposed to be happy to see him or to hear his flirty voice. “You already are in trouble, remember?”

“Oh, right.” Benny grinned sheepishly. “I still gotta do somethin’ about that, don’t I?”

You raised your brow at him as you crossed your arms trying to look more confident than you felt. “You don’t have to do anything, Benny. It’s a free country.”

He narrowed his eyes playfully. “But it’s what you want me to do, right? Apologize to ‘em?”

“No, he . . . wouldn’t like that,” you admitted, “I don’t think that’d be a very good idea to involve him anymore.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “Then I guess I’ll just have to win you over again.”

“Who said you won me over a first time?” You challenged, standing up a little straighter.

Benny just grinned, a shit-eating grin that you weren’t sure if you wanted to smack or kiss off his face. You watched as he retrieved his wallet from his back pocket. He slipped out a five dollar bill between two of his dexterous fingers and dropped it into your donations jar.

“See ya around, kid,” he said with a wink before turning and leaving you standing there wide-eyed and fighting a smile.

-Tag List-

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[shmaptainwrites]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — It was never Reader's plan to be a single mother to a newborn child, but a longtime friend steps in and before long they both have the family they've always wanted, the only catch: they're still just friends

WORD COUNT — 13.6K

WARNINGS — mentions of pregnancy and birth, breastfeeding (like non descriptive? does this need to be a warning?)

NOTE — Okay this fic has been in the works for a while and I have been swamped with school so I'm so happy I'm finally able to post something because it's literally been a full-ass month since I last came out with anything ._. hoping once finals are over I can get back into my writing groove and give some of my ideas the attention they deserve!

Middle photo credit goes to @shots-of-wilson-and-whiskey

“Are you sure this is okay?” you looked back while holding a baby carrier in both hands. 

“Like I told you back at the hospital, and in the car, and then again in the car, I promise this is okay,” James assured you, following right behind, bags under each arm. “You just went through a 40 hour labour, did you really think it would be a smart move to come home alone?”

He was right about that, physically you were exhausted, you were sure how much longer you could keep your eyes open. 

“Go take a shower, I’ll look after her until you get out,” he suggested. “If you had a support person here you would have taken shifts.”

“I know, but you have a life James,” you sighed. “One that didn’t involve your friend getting pregnant and then taking care of her.”

“Would it make it any better if I told you I really don’t mind? I like spending time with you, it’s why we’ve been friends for so long,” he put the bags down by the table and then placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“James, I love you, but I’m going to be brutally honest because my filter has vanished. This is what happens to all your wives, all your girlfriends. I really don’t need that happening to us too,” you said. 

“It won’t,” he pressed. “Come on, just take the shower. I know you want to.”

You sighed, “Alright, but I’m not gonna call for you to come in the middle of the night and every which time of day. If you want to come and see us, do it of your own accord and if you don’t want to then don’t,” you emphasized. “Do what you want, not what you think I want.”

“If I say I will, will you go take a shower?” James asked and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“Don’t drop my baby while I’m in there, okay?” you pointed at him. “You still owe me for that vase you broke.” 

“You mean the tacky one your crappy ex-boyfriend’s mom gave you? I think I did you a favour there.” 

“You’re insufferable sometimes, you know?” you said carefully putting the carrier down in the living room and looking down at your resting daughter for a moment before heading towards your room. 

“I love you too,” he said simply, replacing you by her side and keeping a close eye on her while she slept. 

You had to admit, it was a relief to be able to step into the shower, knowing there was someone you trusted outside looking after the small human you were now fully responsible for. At least before dealing with the stress and everything that would come afterwards you’d be able to be clean. 

When you came out of your bedroom after your shower, dressed in the most comfortable clothes you could find lying around, you saw James in the kitchen, the carrier now propped up on the table while he unpacked something from some grocery bags. 

“I was craving Indian, do you want some?” he asked. 

“Of course I do, the food at your hospital sucks, hand it over,” you put your hand out and he gave you a bowl so you could serve yourself some rice and curry. “She’s still asleep?” 

“Woke up once, but I got her to fall back asleep pretty easily. She might get hungry soon though too.” 

“So I should eat while I still have the chance,” you sat down at the island and began munching on the food, turning around the carrier so you could see your daughter. 

It was interesting, she’d been around only for a short few days but you could barely ever take your eyes off her. 

“Did you pick a name for her yet?” James asked, leaning over the table and eating his portion of dinner. 

“I think so,” you nodded. “I was between two when she was born, but now that I look at her she fits one better than the other.” 

“So what’s the winner?” 

“Liana,” you smiled and brushed your fingers along her small curled toes. “It suits her doesn’t it?” 

“I think it does,” he nodded. “You made a pretty cute baby.” 

“I made a very cute baby, thank you very much,” you scoffed with a chuckle. “You think you could do better?” 

“Well I don’t have a uterus so I don’t think we’ll ever be able to find out,” he shook his head. “Shame, I probably would have demolished you.” 

“As if,” you laughed, continuing to eat more food just as Liana began to stir awake. “And there’s my cue.” 

You stood up and carefully took her out of the carrier, cautious of supporting her neck before moving over to the couch where you could comfortably feed her. 

“Once you’re done I’ll burp her,” James said. “So you can keep eating.” 

“Sure,” you nodded. “Got practice from your med school days?” 

“Yeah, actually,” he nodded. “I thought originally I might specialize in working in the NICU so I spent a lot of time in the maternity ward.” 

“What made you change your mind?” you asked. 

“I would have burnt out,” he admitted. “Seeing babies and spending time with them is one thing, but seeing them sick and sometimes not get better? It’s a lot harder than you’d imagine.” 

You hummed thoughtfully, “You would have been good in that department if you decided to go that route. I think at least.” 

“Really, why do you think so?” 

“James, you’ve always been great with kids and parents. Don’t you remember how we met?” 

He chuckled to himself, “Summer camp days. Yeah, you really did have to know your way around both.” 

“You somehow managed, as a nineteen-year-old, to calm a child who was freaking out about staying away from home and dealing with an unhappy parent of a different child. I think your people skills just got better as you got older.” 

“I don’t think there’s much in life that trains you to deal with crises as much as being a camp counsellor.” 

“You can test your skills with Liana and see if you’ve still got the magic when it comes to babies,” you teased, followed by a yawn. 

“Trust me, I definitely do,” he assured you. “Babies love me.”

“And do you love babies?”

“I do, and I think I’m gonna end up loving yours a little more than most,” he admitted. 

“Good, she’s gonna need it,” you sighed. “I’m gonna need it.”

There was a pause for a moment before James spoke up again,

“Have you talked to him since the break up?” he asked and you shook your head, feeling the tears develop in your eyes. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it, not right now,” you whispered, looking down at Liana again. 

James did not peg your boyfriend as the abandoning type, but after he had coaxed the news out of you during one of your visits, he could see how much it crushed you to think of what lied ahead. Not because you didn’t want a child, but because Liana was all you wanted and you thought you were on the same page as your partner, but when it came down to things he couldn’t hold up the mask he’d been wearing any longer. 

“You should talk about it sometime though, right?” James said softly. “Doesn’t have to be with me, but you’ve been so laser focused on getting through the past nine months you haven’t really processed what happened.”

Liana had since finished feeding and you carried her over to the kitchen island, passing James a burp cloth that he could drape across his shoulder before taking her from your hands, after you pressed a small kiss to her forehead. 

“Not sure if I want to process it,” you admitted. “I’d rather focus on her.”

“And I’d rather you take care of yourself so you don’t crash and burn,” he said. 

You knew he was right, but it was nicer to pretend you were alone from start to finish than even imagining the possibility that someone was supposed to be with you through everything. The doctors appointments, the morning sickness, the preparation. 

Instead you ended up feeling like a burden to your friends who had gone out of their way to help you and be there for you. 

“Okay,” you nodded simply. “I’ll do it for you and her then.”

“It’ll end up being for you in the end,” he assured. “But just…trust me on this okay?”

“I do,” you smiled. “Just like I trust you with her.”

You finished eating your dinner while James took care of Liana and even managed to get her to go back to sleep. It seemed that even though she’d only been in the world a short while, she felt just as safe in his arms as she did in yours.

“You can put her down if you want. I have a cot set up in my room,” you pointed. 

“I’m alright like this,” he shook his head. “I’ll hold her until you’re done then I’ll leave you guys so you can get some sleep.”

Considering how hungry you were, it didn't take that much longer for you to finish eating and while you cleared up the dishes, James went and put Liana down in her bed and then gathered his things so he could give you some time alone. 

“I’ll see you around, James. Thanks for coming to help today,” you gave him a big hug and he held you tight in that way he would when he wanted to say something, but knew it should probably wait. 

“Anytime,” he gave you an additional squeeze. “You’re gonna be a great mom. You are a great mom already. I’m really happy for you.” 

You couldn’t bring yourself to say any words in response so you just nodded your head and held onto him tighter. After a moment he pulled away and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. 

“Love you, now go get some sleep.” 

“You’ve got it Dr. Wilson,” you saluted him. 

You walked him out of the door and after closing it shut behind him you took a deep breath. It was going to be hard, but you could do it. 

—

A few months later…

“Don’t you have a life?” you yawned, bouncing Liana in your arms to try and get her to fall asleep. 

“I mean I went bowling with House last night and I consistently stay late at work, and that’s about it, so no,” James shook his head. 

“So you figured that coming and bothering me is a good use of your spare time.” 

“I wouldn’t call it bothering,” James gave you a look. “I made you dinner.” 

“Yeah you did, and unfortunately it was really good too,” you sighed. “So you just want to hang out with me and Liana?”

“Yeah, is that so hard to believe?”

“A little considering I always have baby vomit on me now,” you chuckled. 

“It brings out your eyes,” he teased. “Here, why don’t I take her.”

“Last time I agreed to that you riled her up, which I didn’t think was possible for a three month old,” you eyed him skeptically. 

“I promise I’ll put her to sleep,” he crossed his heart. 

“Wrong religion, James,” you shook your head and he laughed. 

“Do you want me to swear on the Torah?”

“It would help,” you nodded. 

“Alright, I swear on the Torah that I won’t rile her up.”

You reluctantly passed Liana over to James and scoffed when she almost immediately stopped fussing. 

“See,” he smiled and kissed her small nose while he rocked her gently, making her eyes slowly close as she fell asleep. 

“You two are in kahoots. She’s fine whenever you’re not around, but when you are it’s like she knows she can get passed off to you if she’s fussy enough,” you laughed a little. “It’s cute though, I like how much she likes you.”

“Me too, why do you think I keep coming here?” 

“So you came to visit, what do you want to do?” you asked. “My plans were to clean the kitchen and do laundry, so not much more exciting than sitting around at home.”

“Why don’t you let me put her down then we can tackle the kitchen together. I mean I did make half of the mess there.”

“I won’t argue with you there,” you sighed and put your hands on your hips. “Okay, I’m gonna throw a load in before you put her down.” 

It took a little bit for James to be confident Liana was fully asleep before putting her down in her cot and then meeting you again in the kitchen where you were packing up leftovers from dinner. 

“Have you had many visitors?” James asked. 

“Well, I do have this one guy that keeps coming around, about this tall, practicing oncology, I think he’s a little bit obsessed with me,” you joked. 

“Aside from me,” he shook his head and went over to the dishes. 

“Yeah, a few. My parents were here for a bit while you were out of town and then some of my friends have come around to help with a few things here and there and to meet Liana.”

“Nice.”

“You sound like you want to say something,” you looked back at him. 

“It’s not too much having me over all the time, is it?”

“No, not at all,” you shook your head. “You know me, I’d tell you if it was.”

“Because I really do like spending time with you both. It’s a lot nicer than going to an empty house at the end of the day,” he admitted. “So if you don’t mind, maybe I can keep bothering you and making a mess in your kitchen.”

“I think that would be okay,” you smiled. 

You cleaned in silence for a bit before James began asking a few questions about Liana. 

“She had an appointment with her pediatrician recently, right? Everything went okay?”

“Yeah, fit as a fiddle,” you sighed. “Thank goodness.”

“Have you decided if you’re gonna use formula yet? Or will you wait it out?”

“I was actually going to ask you about this, whenever I ask anyone I think has an opinion I’d like to hear they say I need to make the decision myself and then everyone I don’t want to hear from seems to have something to say,” you chuckled. “What do you think? As a doctor?”

“I mean, if I were in your situation I might wait a bit longer, she’s still pretty young and there’s no real reason to switch over yet. I think a lot of people start maybe around 12 months and from what I’ve seen that works well,” he shrugged. 

“Thanks for giving me a straight answer,” you placed a hand on his arm. “I also don’t know if I should try and take leave from work or hire a nanny, but I think I probably have to figure that one out myself.”

“Do you have enough savings to take the time off?” he asked. 

“I get a few more months paid leave from the company I work for since I have seniority, but after that I have to figure out what to do. I think I have enough saved to last me some time, but I’m going to have to go back eventually.”

James hummed thoughtfully. 

“Do you wanna come up with solutions tonight or relax now that we’ve finished cleaning?” he asked, motioning his head to the kitchen that was definitely in better shape than before. 

“Let’s watch a movie or something, I don’t think I’ve turned the TV on since Liana was born. I’ll fold the laundry when it’s done while we watch,” you said. “I’ll figure something out later.”

“We should watch, oh jeez what’s that thing we started ages ago and never finished?”

“The really bad soap?” you asked and he nodded, “Oh yes, we’re definitely watching that.”

“Okay, you go get settled, I’m gonna make some tea, do you want some?”

“Sure, just make me whatever you’re having,” you nodded and grabbed the remote from under the pile of blankets on the couch, turning on the TV and trying to find the episodes you had recorded to watch later. 

By the time James had finished making the tea, you had found the show and were just about to start it. 

“Here,” James passed you the mug. “So what was the last thing that happened?”

“I think the main guy was sleeping with the head nurse, right and then there was the whole thing with her being engaged to the other surgeon and then her sister was in a coma?” 

“Wait, I thought the surgeon she was engaged to was sleeping with one of his patients?” 

“He was,” you nodded. “It was a whole thing.”

“Alright, just start it, I’m sure I’ll remember more as we watch.”

James was very sorely mistaken, if anything he’d gotten more confused and you were absolutely no help because nothing was making sense anymore. 

“What is up with the writing?” you asked. “Like did they just completely forget they had a whole storyline dedicated to this huge procedure and now they’re acting like nothing happened.”

“Don’t get me started, that guy was doing surgery without gloves, like that doesn’t even take much effort to get right. You’d think it was common sense,” James added. 

“Maybe we should turn it off,” you looked over at your friend, “it’s getting us all riled up.”

James pressed his lips together, “I know, but I kind of want to find out who’s the father of Paula’s baby.”

You leaned back into the couch, you had managed to fold all the laundry, and it was still a little too early to go to sleep, you supposed a few more episodes couldn’t hurt. 

“If I fall asleep, just lock up on your way out, okay?” you looked over at him and he nodded as you started the next episode. 

Just as you predicted, about halfway through the second episode you began to drift off, and as soon as James noticed, he stopped the episode already having decided you could finish it together another time. 

He shifted you slightly so you were lying down on the couch instead of in the uncomfortable position you were in before, placing a blanket over top of you. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek, wishing you a good night before going to check on Liana, and after seeing she was sleeping soundly and the baby monitor was on, he saw himself out, taking your spare key from where it was hidden on the porch and locking the door. 

—

“How’s my girl doing?” James grinned, scooping Liana out of your arms. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” he kissed her nose making her giggle. 

“James, you were here two days ago,” you laughed. 

“And it feels like an eternity.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “She’s got you wrapped around her finger.”

“I don’t mind,” he shrugged. “Just as long as we get to spend time together.”

“Yeah, well she hasn’t napped yet so it can wait until after that,” you reached to take her back but James insisted he could put her to sleep. “James, you just got off work are you sure you don’t want to eat something or take a break for a bit?”

“This is like a break for me,” he assured you. 

“Okay, I’m gonna make a salad, come out and eat when you’re done.”

James nodded and went off to the bedroom so he could sit on the armchair there and coax her to sleep. 

Usually he didn’t need more than twenty minutes to half an hour to put her down, so when you were hitting the forty-five minute mark you wondered if Liana was being fussy, so you went to check in on them, instead seeing James fast asleep on the armchair with Liana snuggled against his chest. 

You bit back a big smile and went to go grab your camera quickly, and quietly snapped a shot of the two of them. 

Not wanting to wake either of them, you made your way back to the kitchen, shutting the door of the room behind you to make sure the sound didn’t travel. 

Figuring it might be a while before James came back out, you decided to eat your dinner, that way you could take Liana from him when they woke up so he could get something to eat too. 

As you had predicted, James exited the room about an hour later, Liana now awake and hungry for her own dinner. 

“Want me to take her now?” you teased and he rolled his eyes while you took your baby from him, sitting on the couch to feed her while he grabbed himself something to eat. “You had a good nap?”

“Great actually, I think I needed it. Been pulling a lot of late nights at the office getting paperwork done,” he admitted. “I’m surprised you didn’t wake me.”

“You looked comfortable, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Well, I appreciate it cause I needed the sleep,” he sighed and came and sat next to you while he began to eat his dinner. 

“James, I…I tried to talk to him the other week,” you said, knowing he would be able to connect the dots back to your ex. “I’d been meaning to tell you, it just slipped my mind I guess.”

“You did…what did he say?”

“God, I’m gonna start crying again,” you let out a humourless chuckle and lifted a hand to wipe away the tears beginning to form in your eyes. “It doesn’t matter what he said. What matters is that it was probably good that we broke up. He wouldn’t have been a good father or husband for that matter when it came down to it.”

“I’m proud of you for reaching out anyways. It takes a lot of guts to do that after someone leaves you.”

You nodded your head, “I’m just…I know I said you should keep coming here because you want to, but I really do like having you around. It just makes it seem simpler. Easier,” you looked over at him. “You’re a good friend Jamie, I love you.”

“Love you too,” he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead, watching as your attention turned back to your daughter as she finished feeding. 

You held her just like that in your arms for a little while longer, watching as she reached out for your fingers and then tried to go even further to grab James. Clearly her attention was addictive because he was ready to put his food down to help burp her, but you made a teasing remark about him hogging her and that he needed to eat his food so you’d take care of it and he could have her when he was done. 

Eventually, you traded Liana for James’ dishes and went to load the dishwasher while he kept her occupied, letting her gnaw on his tie while making all sorts of nonsensical baby noises that James took as conversation starters. 

It was funny to watch the two have what looked like a full blown conversation and you were sure James had been reading some parenting magazine or another that spoke of helping babies develop linguistic abilities. 

“Hey James,” you crossed your arms over your chest, leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you want a key?”

“A key to what?” he looked at you confused. 

“The house,” you said. “I just thought since you’re here all the time you can come and go whenever you want and if you forget something and I’m out you can come get it yourself.”

“A key,” he thought about it. “This feels like a big milestone moment.”

“I mean I already have the key to your place, but that was because you refused to have anyone look after you after you got your wisdom teeth removed.”

“Wait, you have my key?” 

“Yeah, I just took yours and had it copied,” you shrugged. 

“I feel like I should be a bit more concerned about this, but I’m not.”

“It’s because you’re friends with House, you’re used to it,” you waved him off. 

“Liana, did you know your mom’s a thief?” he looked down at the baby in his arms and you rolled your eyes. 

“Do you want the key or not?” 

“I’ll take it, and I guess you can keep mine, but I’m never there anyways.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just use it if I need to steal your social insurance card to commit identity theft.”

“Liana banana, your mom’s being very silly tonight,” James picked her up and held her out in front of him before bringing her down to press a few kisses to her face, making her giggle. “It’s okay, we still love mommy even though she’s silly, right?”

“You better,” you flicked his shoulder as you walked by after grabbing an ice cream sandwich from the freezer. 

“Hey, I’ve got something in my bag I forgot to give you, do you mind bringing it over here?” James asked, motioning to the briefcase on the armchair closest to the front door. 

You nodded your head and stood up again to grab it and pass it to him. He rummaged through it with one hand while still holding Liana before passing you what looked like a receipt. 

“Uh thanks?” you looked a little confused. 

“Read what it’s for,” James chuckled. “They’ll get delivered next week.” 

“James,” you put the receipt down. “You didn’t.” 

“You’ve been talking about it for four months, I had to do something,” he shrugged. “And I didn’t get you anything for your baby shower.” 

“Because you planned it,” you laughed. “Seriously this is a lot. I don’t know if I can accept this.” 

“Just think of it this way. I’m here all the time, we like to go out with Liana together and it’s a great stroller with good safety ratings.” 

“Okay sure you’ll use that, but the cot too?” 

“The one you have in there’s been recalled, I was just doing you a favour,” he said. 

You chuckled a little, pressing your lips together. “Liana, my darling, we are very spoiled.” 

“I’ll come over when it gets delivered and help set it up,” James said. 

“I still don’t know what to say, James, this is…really generous of you.” 

“Believe me, right now nothing makes me happier, and I mean that,” he reached out a hand to you and you took it, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

As promised, the next week James was back at your home to help set up the stroller and the cot and you figured it would be the right time to pull out that camcorder your father had gotten you to help record some memories you were making with Liana. 

“Hey, James wanna tell the camera what you’re doing?” 

“Wondering why I didn’t get a degree in engineering apparently.” he mumbled while hunched over some instructions, a pencil behind his ear and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

“What does your assistant think?” you moved the camera over to Liana, sitting in a rocking seat that was propped up next to James. 

“That this video isn’t going to be very good for my image in the future. This stuff is worse than IKEA,” he scratched the back of his head. 

“You’re doing great,” you assured him and came to give him an encouraging side hug. “Alright, let me stop this video and we can try and tackle it together.” 

You put the camera down on the bed and looked over the instructions with James, having a bit of an easier time piecing things together compared to him, so in the end you were put on deciphering the instructions while he assembled the cot. 

An embarrassing amount of time later, the cot was completely assembled (only after having to disassemble it all the first time because there was one piece left over and you had no idea what step you had missed using it), and you carefully placed Liana inside to see how it would hold up. 

“You know they say you can be proud of something you built with your own two hands, but I’m afraid this is going to fall apart,” James said. 

“We followed the instructions really carefully, it should be fine,” you said, trying to convince yourself. “And Liana looks comfortable in there, look at her she’s giggling.” 

“I think that’s because we look like we’ve been building a house or something,” he looked between you, seeing your dirty clothes and messed up hair. 

“Who knew putting together a cot would be so labour intensive,” you chuckled. “I think we can safely say we deserve some takeout. What do you want?” 

“Anything, I’m starving,” James sat down on the edge of the bed. “You think this will help her sleep a little better?” 

“Let’s hope so,” you rubbed your temples. “You coming?” you asked, taking Liana out of the cot and carrying her out towards the door. 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” he nodded and you left him in the room, staring at the wooden baby’s bed in front of him. It was a simple thing you had both made together, but for James, it was starting to feel like so much more than just that. 

You built a cot, but what did building a cot mean? What did it mean that he bought it for you without a second question or a moment’s hesitation? What did it mean that he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face every single time he stepped into this house? 

It probably meant a lot of things, but at the moment, to James, it felt like he had a family and he’d hold onto that for as long as he was able to. 

—

As much as you wished it could be, not every day was easy. Today was one of those days at the end of a long week and you wanted nothing more than to collapse and call it quits. 

Something was wrong with Liana, she was never this fussy, but all the doctors would just repeat the same thing over and over again. 

She has colic. 

You have a colic-y baby. 

Your baby has colic. She’s going to be fine.

She didn’t sound fine. Not when she would cry and cry and you didn’t know what was happening or how to make her feel better. It made your heart feel tight and constricted especially when all you could do was bounce and rock her in hopes that it might soothe whatever was going on inside her. 

You were so focused on the sounds of the crying baby you didn’t hear the door unlock as James entered the house. After putting down his bags, he followed the sound of the crying before finding you in the rocking chair in your room, gently hushing Liana to try and coax her back to sleep. 

“James,” you tried to stand up when you noticed he was there, but he rushed over to your side, placing a hand on your shoulder and encouraging you to sit back down. “I’m afraid we’re not really having a fun day today. You might want to just go home and rest,” you suggested. 

“What’s going on?” he asked. 

“James, I’m serious I-,” 

“Hey,” he said gently, quieting you as a hand came to hold your cheek. “Talk to me, mom. What’s happening?” 

You pressed your lips together and shook your head. 

“I don’t know,” you let the tears spill from your eyes, just as they were for Liana, but you basked in the comfort James’ simple action offered. “She just keeps crying and I don’t know what’s wrong. T-They kept saying she has colic, but this isn’t colic, James.” 

He nodded his head and wiped away your tears while trying to think of a solution to the problem in front of you. 

“I have an idea, just give me a second, I’ll be right back.” 

James went off to the kitchen and came back with a bit of a white powder on his finger. He helped you sit Liana up before getting her to eat a little bit of it. 

“What is that?” 

“Just baking soda. I saw this in a few babies. Doctors think it’s colic, but it’s reflux. Have you been eating anything different from usual?” he asked. 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, it might be something she’s allergic to getting in the breast milk,” he explained while rubbing Liana’s back. “Here let me take her so you can have a break. Go to the kitchen, get some water and write down a list of what you’ve been eating recently and we’ll go over it and see if we can find anything that lines up with her fussiness.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’ll survive,” he nodded. 

You passed over your baby to him and made your way out of the room, following James’ suggestion and noticing how with a little bit of time her crying had quieted down and instead was replaced by softer sniffles and a much nicer sound. It drew you away from the list you were leaning over and back to the door of the bedroom where you leaned in the frame and watched and listened while James, with his back turned to you, sang a soft lullaby to Liana. 

I love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

Over and over like a prayer until Liana’s sniffles had faded and there was only silence. 

He carefully put her back in her bed, waiting a few moments to make sure she was really sleeping, before turning back and seeing you standing in the doorway. 

When he made his way up to you, you reached out and pulled him into as tight of a hug as you’d ever given him. You held onto the sleeves of your shirt while one arm came under his and across his back with the other around his neck, holding him as close to you as you possibly could. 

“You okay?” James asked and you nodded your head, silently while a few more tears streamed down your face. 

“I will be.” 

“I-,” James faltered for a moment, but he said it anyway. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Three words he had said so many times, that had meant a particular thing when he said them to you, but now he couldn’t help but feel like they meant something a little different. 

You both stayed like that a moment longer before you pulled apart, wiping away your tears and going back to your list to see if James’ theory could be correct. 

“Maybe try cutting these ones out of your diet,” he suggested. “See if she gets any better and if not call me and I’ll get her an appointment with one of the pediatricians at the hospital.” 

“Okay,” you nodded. “I just don’t get why they kept saying colic like is that just some doctor term for I don’t know what’s wrong, but your baby is fussy?” 

“I don’t know,” James shook his head, “but don’t ever let anyone bully you into not trusting your gut. She’s your daughter and you know her best.” 

“You seem to know her pretty well too. You took one look at her and managed to help her when I couldn’t,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“Coincidence,” he patted your shoulder. 

“Give yourself a little credit. You’re with her a lot too, it’s part of why I trust your judgement so much when it comes to her. I know you’re not just going to tell me some medical mumbo jumbo you…you’re with her, you see how she is, you know.” 

“I don’t know how you managed to hold it together so well,” James said. “I was in there with her for twenty minutes and I wanted to cry right with her.” 

“It’s so hard,” you shook your head. “You can tell she’s uncomfortable, that something’s wrong, but she can’t tell you what.” 

James nodded his head, “Before you know it she’ll be walking and talking and hopefully it’ll be a lot easier to understand what she needs.” 

“It’s hard to imagine that,” you chuckled. “She is growing so fast though.” 

“And you’re doing a great job,” James wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you took a deep breath. You wanted to correct him and say ‘we’re doing a great job’, but everything about this felt so delicate. It wasn’t his responsibility to parent Liana and you didn’t want to pressure him into thinking that it had become that, but regardless you felt like he’d been around so much it would be wrong to give yourself full credit for everything. 

“It takes a village,” you settled on saying, extending your arm so it was wrapped around him as well. “Speaking of a village, I need to hire a nanny.” 

“So you’re going to go back to work?” he asked and you nodded. 

“Just part time for now. Pay is good enough. I should be fine with that for a while.” 

“Good,” James nodded. “Do you need help going through resumes?” 

“Nah, Janine is taking care of that for me, her boyfriend works with the police so free background checks. She’s gonna send me a short list and then I’ll interview them.” 

You looked up at James and chuckled, 

“You seem surprised.” 

“I didn’t know you outsourced to other people too,” he teased. 

“Are you jealous, Jamie?” you tickled his sides a little bit. “Come on, you know you’re my number one. Can you seriously tell me you could have gotten police-level background checks on nannies?” 

“I could have tried.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m gonna save you from this job so you can help me with other stuff, okay?” you turned him around and patted his chest. “I love you, James, but you can’t do it all. I have to look out for you too.” 

“You don’t have to look after me,” he assured you. “You’ve got a lot on your plate, I can take care of myself.” 

“James, that’s the whole point of this,” you pointed between you. “I’m not about to let it be one-sided.” 

“Is that why you keep packing me lunches?” he asked. 

“Maybe,” you shrugged. “And it's kind of fun leaving you little notes.” 

“House thinks I’m seeing someone because of what you put in the last one. He steals my food, you know.” 

“I’ll just pack double next time,” you laughed. 

James smiled at the sound of your laughter, savouring the moment of levity he was able to bring you after a long and hard few days. 

You looked back up at him once your laughter had died down and filled with a quiet sense of gratitude, you could help but lean into his side, sighing contentedly and it made you feel warm to the touch when his arm wrapped around you and pulled you in closer. 

Things may not have been simple or easy, but at least they felt right.

—

James was just about to leave his office to get some food in the cafeteria when he heard the phone ring, keeping him seated at his desk so he could answer. 

“Hello, Oncology Department. Dr. James Wilson speaking.”

“James, it’s me,” you said quickly, almost like you were in a hurry. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked. 

“Nothing dire,” you sighed. “My nanny got sick and my backup nanny is out of town and I have this huge meeting at work I cannot miss, but I-I don’t have anyone to look after Liana. I hate to ask this, you know I wouldn’t bug you unless it was a real emergency, but can I bring her by? Just for two maybe three hours tops. Then I’ll come grab her and she can be in my office with me for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, of course, bring her over,” James nodded. “I have a few patient consults today, but nothing too strenuous or contagious for a small baby.”

“James, are you sure? I feel really bad asking-,”

“It’s fine. Today was going to be boring anyway, I could use some Liana time to spice things up.”

“James, I love you, you’re a lifesaver,” you breathed a sigh of relief. “I owe you one okay? Cash it in whenever.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna go grab a quick bite to eat. I’ll meet you in my office when you come.”

“Great, see you then.”

You both hung up and when James came back upstairs you were just arriving at his office with Liana strapped in her car seat and a bag slung around your shoulder. 

“Okay, I’ve got snacks, and a carrier, and her toys, and-,”

“Goodness, take a breath,” James chuckled. “We’re gonna be fine, I’ve looked after her before.” 

“I know, I know. I’m just nervous about this meeting and rushing around to get everything prepped and then the nannies fell through,” you took a deep breath to try and slow your heart down and James put a hand on your shoulder assuring you everything was going to be alright. 

“You’re gonna kill it at that meeting, alright?” he pulled you in for a quick hug. 

“Thanks again, I seriously appreciate and love you and your big fat heart.” 

“Thanks, I think,” he chuckled again. “I love you too.”

You kissed your hand and tapped it on his cheek before doing the same for Liana who smiled and James took a moment to stare out the door and watch you as you left the room, still feeling his heart beating a little faster after having said I love you. 

Ever since the day he came over when Liana was having a hard time, his heart would race and his palms would get sweaty every time he’d say those three words, knowing he meant it in a different way than he had been saying it all these years. 

“Liana banana, what am I gonna do,” James sighed and bent down so he was at eye level with her. “Do you think your mom knows?”

Liana babbled a response. 

“Me neither,” he sighed. “It’s okay though, cause we’re gonna have a fun day right?”

He unclipped her from the seat after fastening the baby carrier to his back to begin with before propping her up and clipping her inside. 

Once he was content with that, he checked the time and noticed he was almost late for a meeting with a patient who was staying at the hospital for treatment. 

James made his way down the halls, knowing not many would question him about the baby on his back, that was aside from his boss who now seemed to be walking directly towards him. 

He quickly took a detour into an empty room and thinking he lost her, let out a breath only to be startled when the door opened and Cuddy was standing in front of him. 

“Wilson,” she started. 

“Mhmm.”

“What’s on your back?” she asked, trying to get a better look, but James simply turned around.

“Oh it’s just a backpack,” he lied, only to be immediately ratted out by Liana’s nonsensical sounds. 

“You have a talking backpack?” Cuddy looked at him skeptically. 

“No, it’s a tumour. I’m dying,” he lied again, even more poorly than before.

Cuddy sighed, “Are we gonna get sued for it?” 

James pressed his lips together and shook his head. 

“Will someone get mad at you for it?”

He shook his head again.

“Is House involved?”

A third time. 

“Okay,” she nodded slowly. “I won’t question your…talking backpack tumour.”

James nodded his head and Cuddy left the room which hopefully meant he was in the clear for the rest of the day. 

Liana had other ideas and decided she didn’t like being in the carrier on his back anymore and began to cry. James wondered what was different, he’d done this with her before, but perhaps it was the new environment and she just wanted to be where she could see him.

So after some maneuvering, he changed the positioning of the carrier and put Liana back inside and she seemed much more relaxed afterwards. 

When he got to his patient he apologized for being late, but they were more focused on the child that James had yet to introduce. 

“Sorry, I’m a little all over the place right now,” he chuckled. “This is Liana, she’s going to be joining us today.”

“Is she your daughter?” he asked, seeing the way James smiled and held her when he introduced her. 

“No,” James shook his head. “She’s the daughter of one of my close friends. I’m just doing her a favour today.”

“Either way, it’s always nice to see someone smiling and happy around here.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” James nodded. 

“How old is she?”

“Six months as of two weeks ago.”

“They grow fast, don’t they?”

James smiled and nodded, “They sure do.”

They continued their consult, and before long James wrapped things up and headed back to his office to meet with another patient. 

This time around he was feeding and burping Liana throughout the meeting and it felt so much like second nature to him, it didn’t take him away at all from the questions the patient was asking, and much like he expected, having a baby in the room was a nice distraction from the heavy subject matter. 

He got through the next few patients with ease, and he felt lucky that House only decided to come in after all his meetings were over. 

“Is that a baby?” House squinted, looking at Liana who was calmly playing with a toy in James’ lap. 

“No, it’s an alien,” he deadpanned and House ignored his comment. 

“Why do you have a baby? That must be breaking some hospital rule.”

“Since when do you care about rules?”

“Cause rules are there to protect us,” House said sarcastically. “Is this the one you spend all your free time with?”

“Her name is Liana,” James said while standing up and moving to put her in her car seat for a moment. “House, I’m gonna ask you to do something and I’m going to trust that you won’t blow this up in my face.”

“Go on.”

“I need to use the washroom, but you’ve seen the way they get cleaned here, I don’t want to bring Li with me,” he said. “Can you watch her for five minutes? You don’t even have to do anything, just stare at her in the carrier.”

House thought about it for a moment before eventually agreeing, James completely oblivious to his friend’s ulterior motive.

House first sat across from her, turning her car seat around on the table so it was facing him. They stared at each other for a few moments before House stood up and grabbed a picture from one of James’ shelves, sitting back down in front of her. 

“You’re probably too young to do this, but never too young to learn, right?”

Liana had no response. 

“You see this guy?” House pointed to James in the photo. “He’s dada, right?”

House continued to prompt her, even though he knew she was too young to speak, thinking this would make a great prank if he played his cards right. 

House continued to go back and forth with Liana between her babbles, until he heard James begin to open the door of the office. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Perfect,” House nodded. “Your daughter’s an angel.” 

James frowned, unable to tell if House was being sarcastic or not, but he was quickly distracted by the frame in his hand.

“Why do you have that picture?” James came closer and took it from him.

“Oh, just trying to pass the time with a story.” 

“The story of what exactly? This is just a picture of me with my parents.” 

“I don’t know I made something up, she’s a baby, she won’t remember,” House insisted before leaving the office before James could ask any more questions. 

A little confused by the encounter, he made his way over to Liana who was reaching out for him. 

He checked the time, seeing as your meeting should probably have been over by then and decided to give you a call. 

“Hey, I was just about to come and pick Liana up,” you said. 

“Yeah, about that, do you just want to leave her with me for the rest of the day?” he asked. “She’s been really good and honestly I think the patients have been loving seeing a baby around.” 

“James, it’s fine, my meeting is over. I can come get her,” you said. 

James pressed his lips together before gathering the nerve to say what he was going to say. 

“I actually would really like it if she could stay with me,” he said. “If you’re okay with it.”

You paused, “This isn’t just some round about way for you to find a way to give me a break?” you asked. 

“No, I’m really happy she’s here. I was going to come over after work anyways.” 

“You still have the car seat hookup in your car?” you asked and he confirmed. “Okay, call me if you need anything, Jamie.” 

“I will, and thank you.” 

“Just don’t break her, okay, she’s not replaceable,” you teased. 

“I’ll bring her back in one piece,” James chuckled. “We’ll be fine, right Li?” 

James gave her a little tickle so that you could hear her laugh in response and you couldn't help but smile before saying goodbye and feeling more at ease leaving her with James than you ever had leaving her with a babysitter. 

—

It always felt interesting coming back to Princeton-Plainsboro after you had given birth to Liana. It brought back a lot of memories, both good and maybe not so great of your pregnancy, but recently you and Liana had been visiting a little more often to have lunch with James when you weren’t working. 

Today wasn’t one of those days, you were actually just on your way back home after running a few errands and since you were in the area you thought you might stop in and talk to James about that evening. 

When you went by his office you peeked inside and noticed he wasn’t there and before you could decide the best course of action, you heard a semi familiar voice behind you. 

“You looking for Wilson?” 

You turned around and saw House standing in front of you. 

“Yeah, actually. Do you know where he is?” 

“I think he just went to Cuddy’s office,” he said. 

“Alright, I’ll head back downstairs then,” you smiled and were about to haul Liana’s car seat with you, but House stopped you. 

“If you want I can look after her in my office,” he said.

“Really?” you seemed a little surprised from the offer, but figured it couldn’t be too bad to leave her with him for five minutes. 

“Sure,” House nodded, making it seem like it was no big deal, when really he had already pocketed a picture of James and was looking for another opportunity to continue his prank. 

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” you said while walking over to his office and putting her car seat on the main table before walking down the hallways and over to the elevator to go and find James, but just to your luck, he was coming out just as you had planned to enter. “Hey, I was looking for you,” you smiled. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were coming, did we make plans?” he asked, worried he’d forgotten about something. 

“No, I was just in the area and, well my mom and dad are coming over for dinner tonight, I was wondering if you wanted to join us.” 

“Dinner sounds nice,” James nodded. “And I haven’t seen your parents in a while, I just seem to miss them every time they come into town.” 

“Yeah, that’s why I thought I’d ask, also maybe as a warning in case you wanted to get as far away as you could,” you chuckled. 

“Come on, they’re not that bad,” he nudged you. 

“Most of the time, but then again, you’re not their child.” 

“Wait, where’s Liana?” James asked. “With a sitter at home?” 

“No, I left her with House.” 

James’ eyes went wide, “You left her with House?”

“Yeah, what’s the big deal?” you chuckled as James began to walk towards House’s office to make sure he wasn’t up to one of his many schemes. “James he offered!” you called back and that only made him walk faster. 

It took you a minute to catch up with him, but by that time he was already interrogating House who was simply sitting in front of Liana. 

“Can't I offer to look after my friend’s friend’s baby?” House asked. 

“Usually someone could, but when that person is you you may see why I think you have some ulterior motive.” 

“James what’s going on?” you asked, coming closer to House. “Liana’s fine, I don’t know why you’re being so dramatic.” 

“Yeah, listen to single mom over here,” he pointed to you. 

James backed off if only for your sake, but he still kept a close eye on House as you picked up Liana’s car seat and told James you’d see him after his shift was over. 

He nodded his head and you exchanged a kiss on the cheek before heading out. 

“You’re really telling me you’re not getting some of that on the side?” House asked. 

“House, drop it,” James was unamused. “I know you’re up to something, I just don’t know what.” 

“I guess you’re just going to have to wait and find out,” House shrugged. “In the meantime may I suggest you go get your freak on with the mom? You know she probably hasn’t slept with anyone since that kid was conceived, I’m sure you’d have an easy time convincing her.” 

“Shut up, House,” James rolled his eyes and left the office before he could suggest anything more obscene. 

He was thankful when the end of his shift came, and before heading to your place he made a stop at the store to buy some flowers and dessert to bring over. 

By this point, it was such a habit, he never knocked, just opened the door with his key and announced his presence to whoever was in the house. 

“Hey Liana, look who’s here,” you smiled and pointed to James while Liana was being held by your mother. 

Liana became very excited at the sight of him and he quickly put down the things he brought on the table before saying his greetings and giving special attention to Liana by means of a kiss on her nose and caress of her face. 

“Do you want something to drink?” you asked. “Mom and dad brought some fancy-looking sparkling fruit juice.” 

“I could go for some of that,” James nodded. “How have you guys been, I missed you the last time you were in town.” 

“We’ve been good,” your dad nodded. 

“Unfortunately our granddaughter doesn’t come to visit us very much,” your mom gave you a bit of a look and you rolled your eyes. 

“Mom, you guys are retired, I have a job, why don’t we keep this ‘you visit me’ arrangement a while longer until my life sorts itself out a bit more.” 

“She’s not wrong, honey,” your dad came and patted his wife’s shoulder. 

“I know, I just wish we got to see Liana more. We should come down more often.” 

“What about you, James, anything new in your life?” 

James looked over at you before shaking his head. 

“No, still working at the same place still…” 

“Trying to find the right person,” you filled in for him, placing a hand on his shoulder and handing him his drink. 

“Yeah,” he nodded with a soft smile and couldn’t help but laugh a little internally at the irony. Maybe the right person had been there all along, the person he’d never once pulled away from, the person he let take care of him, the person who he’d realized he’d most definitely fallen in love with, but risking things between you was out of the question so he would have to be content with the way things were. 

“You’re the head of your department, right?” your mom asked and James nodded. “Wow, that’s quite something, your parents must be proud of you.” 

“Yes, it never fails to come up in conversation with my mother,” he chuckled. 

Liana began to fuss a little bit in her grandmother’s arms and after a few failed attempts at calming her down James offered to take over. 

“Are you sure, honey?” she asked. “She gets a bit cranky and it’s hard to calm her down.” 

“Don’t worry mom, James is an expert,” you assured her. 

James nodded and confirmed he was sure before gently bouncing Liana until she stopped crying and wiping away whatever tears of hers were remaining. 

“She seems very attached to you,” your dad remarked and James looked down at Liana who now had her head resting against his chest. 

“The feeling’s quite mutual,” James chuckled. “Does she need to be fed?” he asked you. 

“Yeah we’re probably getting close to that time now, I’ll warm up the bottle. Maybe I can feed her and you can deal with the sauce on the stove, it’s missing something and I can’t place it.” 

“Sure,” James nodded and waited for you to heat up Liana’s bottle before passing her over and taking a turn at the stove. 

Your parents watched your interactions curiously and shared a few looks between themselves, but chose to say nothing. They’d known James since you were both nineteen and a lot of things had happened since then, but a lot of time had passed too. It was interesting how your comfort with each other in friendship had so naturally extended itself in this way that you were practically functioning as a family whether you noticed it, or maybe deliberately chose to ignore it. 

After you fed Liana and burped her, she was quick to fall asleep and you placed her in her cot in your room before joining James and your parents in the kitchen where they were bringing things to the dining room to lay them out on the table.

“This looks really delicious sweetheart, thank you for making dinner,” your dad said. “And you too James for taking over there in the home stretch.” 

“For all we know it could have tasted terrible before he came in so he can take the credit for that,” you chuckled. 

“No, I gave it a taste before adding anything. It just needed a little something sour to balance some things out, otherwise it was perfect,” he assured you. 

Dinner with your parents was mostly small talk. They shared a little about some of your relatives they had recently spoken to or visited and asked James how his family was doing and they left fairly early to start the drive back home. 

“I’ll load the dishes you put away the leftovers?” James yawned and you chuckled. 

“How about I do both since I had a day off and you go and lay down for a bit,” you suggested. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about I’m fine,” James waved his hand but yawned again. 

“Go to sleep, James. That’s not a suggestion,” you walked up to him. “My ex left some sweatpants here you can change into those and take off this button up,” you tugged at his shirt. 

James pressed his lips together and nodded his head, before heading over to the bedroom and quietly getting changed before climbing into bed and not fighting the sleep that came. 

He initially wasn’t sure how much later it was when he woke up, but by the looks of it much too late to go come considering you were next to him, despite being groggy, he had a million and one things crossing his mind, but all of those were thrown out when he heard Liana begin to cry. 

You shifted next to him, waking up to go and take care of it, but James put an arm on your shoulder. 

“I’ve got it, go back to sleep,” he assured you. 

You were too tired to argue with him and let your head hit the pillow again while he stood up and picked Liana up from her crib, heading out to the kitchen so he could heat up a bottle for her before coming back and sitting in the chair to feed her. 

You watched the scene in front of you and you felt yourself wanting to memorize every detail. How he held her, the quiet things he whispered, the way she curled into his arms while he stood up and rocked her back to sleep. 

When he came back to the bed he noticed you were awake and he let out a soft chuckle and you smiled looking up at him with his messy hair. Suddenly you were nineteen again and banging on the door of cabin 3 trying to wake your fellow counsellor to come and deal with an emergency. To you he looked the same as he did all those years ago. 

“I told you to go back to sleep.” 

“Not everyone can fall asleep instantly,” you yawned with a chuckle. 

“You didn’t wake me up to leave,” he said quietly, his head resting on his hand that propped him up. 

“You always look so peaceful when you sleep, I feel evil whenever I have to wake you up,” you remarked, but behind your eyes if he could see through the darkness of the room, he would have seen them saying something else. That you wanted him to stay, you didn’t want to wake him up because you wanted to wake up next to him. “You don’t mind do you?” 

“That you’re making me do the walk of shame in the morning?” James teased and shook his head. 

“Just shut up and go back to sleep, Jamie,” you yawned with a chuckle. 

He moved so he was laying down on his back with an arm behind his head and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. Maybe he could feel you staring because he reached his other arm out and pulled you closer and you moved with him until your head rested against his chest, your arm draped over top of him. 

He gave you a gentle squeeze with the arm that was wrapped around you and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Goodnight, Jamie,” you mumbled into his shirt. 

You couldn’t see how he looked down and smiled at you after you said that, all that filled your ears was a quiet, “Goodnight.”

—

“I haven’t seen you in a few days, how have you been?” 

James sat on the carpet of the living room, playing with Liana who was crawling around him while you brought over two mugs of tea so you could chat while you entertained the growing baby. 

“Good for the most part, just had a patient who wasn’t doing so great so I spent some extra time at the hospital to keep an eye on things. Not to mention House has been bugging me to go out and it’s been a while so I figured what’s the harm.”

“He got you plastered and you made a fool of yourself, didn’t he?” you asked and James nodded while you laughed. “Liana, did James go out with House and act like an idiot?” you tickled the ten month old and she giggled before coming closer to you, tapping on your legs with her hands. 

“Don’t listen to your mama, Li, she’s trying to-,”

“Mama,” Liana repeated after James had spoken and you both stopped dead in your tracks. 

You looked over at James and his smile was just as wide as yours before you picked Liana up and smothered her with kisses. 

“Liana, look at you! You said your first word!”

“Good job, Liana banana,” James grinned and gave her cheek a little pinch which made her reach out to him and say, 

“Dada.”

You both had a similar reaction to what happened moments ago, only this time it was pure shock. Maybe you had misheard her, but when she repeated herself, James could feel his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. 

“I-I don’t know where she learnt that from,” he told you. “I swear I didn’t teach her that.”

It took a minute for the shock to fade away for you, but once it did you tried to assure James that it was okay. 

“I believe you,” you said. “I-I don’t know where she picked it up from, but it’s okay.”

James chewed on his lip, it wasn’t okay though because he wanted nothing more than to hear Liana say that again. 

“It’s not though,” James said softly. “I love her, but I’m not her dad. That’s not fair to her or to you.”

“Jamie,” you pleaded with him, but he still seemed stuck on something. 

“I’m really sorry,” he apologized again. “I feel like I ruined a special moment.”

“I’m trying to tell you it really doesn’t matter,” you assured him, you could see it in his eyes, he wanted to leave, to let you have time alone, but you didn’t want to be alone, you wanted him to stay with you. “Please…please stay.”

James reached out his hand to hold yours and was about to give you his answer when his pager went off. 

Your heart clenched and you watched as he read the message and sighed, standing up because he was needed again at the hospital. 

“Your patient?” you asked, picking Liana up and standing next to him. 

He nodded his head, “They were scheduled for an unrelated surgery and there were some complications, I have to go.”

You understood and James wrapped you in a tight hug and you kissed his cheek. 

“I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, wishing he could hold onto you and never let you go, but instead he was pulled away from your warm embrace wondering how on earth Liana had learnt to call him dad. 

—

“You look like you haven’t slept in days, spending time with the baby again?” House asked, waltzing into James’ office. 

“No, I haven't been over in a few days,” James shook his head. 

“You haven’t been over in a few days…Something happened,” House deduced and James gave him a look. 

“Nothing happened. I’m just taking a break,” he lied. 

“You’ve been going non-stop to spend time with them since the baby was born ten months ago, why do you need a break now?” 

“Because I have a lot on my mind and there’s a few new patients I need to focus on-,” 

“You’re lying.” 

“Yes I am,” James admitted and House grinned. 

“Really?” 

“No, I’m not,” he shook his head and continued to look down and do his work. 

“We do this every single time and every single time I’m right,” House said. “Why don’t we save the back and forth for another time and just skip to the part where you tell me what’s going on.” 

“Oh really and you were right that time you thought I was cheating on my wife and she was the one cheating on me?” he asked. 

“Okay, so I’m not perfect,” House shrugged. “What happened, Wilson? I could just as easily get your friend’s number and ask directly if that’s what you’d prefer.” 

“God no,” James shook his head. “Leave her alone, she doesn’t need to deal with you on top of working and raising a child.” 

“Alright then, what happened?” 

James took a deep breath and sighed, “Liana called me dad the other day. I have no idea where she learnt it from.” 

“She started speaking,” House nodded, pressing his lips together. “Was it her first word or-,” 

“Second. She said mom first,” James said, but caught a glimpse of his friend trying to fight back a smile and suddenly all the offers to take care of Liana paired with the photographs made sense. “You taught her!” he exclaimed. “House I can’t believe you’d pull a prank on me by manipulating my friend’s baby!” 

“Oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal,” House rolled his eyes. 

“House, I cannot believe you!” 

“You’re not mad at me,” House shook his head. “You’re just mad you liked it.” 

“No I’m-,” 

“Yes, you are,” the diagnostician emphasized. “You’ve been sitting here tearing yourself apart for the past four days because she called you dad and you liked it. You’re mad at yourself for liking it because she’s not your kid.” 

“No,” James quieted down. “She’s not.” 

“You haven’t gone back because you’re afraid to hear her say it again, aren’t you?” 

“Since when did you become an expert on my personal problems, House? You caused this, why should I listen to anything you have to say?” 

“Because you’re being an idiot. You’re punishing yourself for liking something. Do you realize how insane that sounds?” 

“It’s not insane, House, she’s not my baby-,” 

“Sure, she’s not your baby and you have her feeding and nap routine memorized. You’ve been to her doctor's appointments, she’s calmer in your arms than she is in the arms of her grandparents. Yeah, go and tell that to any moron sitting out there and they’ll tell you for me, you’re being an idiot.” 

James sighed again, “And why do you care?” 

“Because once you’re done with this spiral we can go back to the way things were when you weren’t a boring depressed lump.” 

“How kind of you,” James faked a smile. 

House’s pager went off, leaving James alone again in his office, thinking about what his friend had said. 

You’d told him so many times that things were okay, but maybe a part of him didn’t want to let him believe that you didn’t mind because that was a slippery slope to him facing himself and his feelings and he didn’t care what his heart was telling him, he wouldn’t put himself through that. He wouldn’t put you and Liana through that. But at the same time, he couldn’t keep himself away forever. He didn’t want that either.

So with a deep breath he picked up his office phone and dialled your number, putting it up to his ear and waiting for the line to connect on the other end. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, it’s me.” 

“James,” your voice sounded almost relieved. “H-Hey, how are you?” 

He pressed his lips together, “Miserable, actually. I miss you guys.” 

“We miss you too,” you chuckled with a small sniffle. 

“C-Can I come over for dinner tonight?” he asked. 

“You still have a key, what do you think?” you asked with a bit of a laugh. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Yeah, see you then,” James smiled and after he hung up the phone he took a deep breath, his fast heartbeat slowing down by the second. 

Maybe this time House was right.

—

The next few weeks passed by and things resumed to their normal state, much to House’s delight. James’ role as department head always meant at least one day a week where he would stay late and do some extra paperwork, dealing with anything that may have slipped through the cracks before. 

This time, that had fallen on a Sunday and it was just past dinner when he heard a knock on his door and wondering who was on the other end he called for them to come in. 

You opened the door a crack and again asked permission to come in and James smiled at you, looking up from his paperwork, not expecting to see you in the hospital. 

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you here, what’s going on?” 

“I just wanted to drop by and bring you something for dinner, I know it’s your paperwork day.” 

“Thanks, that’s really sweet of you,” he stood up from his chair and came to stand in front of his desk, leaning back on it while you placed the take out bag on the table. “Where’s Liana?” 

“Oh Helen’s looking after her tonight,” you said. “I had a few things I needed to do and um just wanted the evening off,” you admitted. 

“Fair enough,” James nodded. 

“I actually brought you something else,” you rolled back and forth on the balls of your feet and James noticed the tension in your stature. “H-Here,” you handed him a gift bag which he eyed curiously. 

Today wasn’t his birthday or some memorable event you celebrated together. There wasn’t much of a reason to get him a present which made it all the more intriguing. 

He pulled out a wrapped rectangular box from the bag, and putting the bag aside he began to carefully tear away the wrapping paper to reveal what looked like a picture frame. Overlaid on the frame, on top of the photo, James noticed a card which he unfolded to read its contents. 

Happy Father’s Day. We love you loads. - Liana and Mom

James moved the card to see the picture and put his hand over his mouth, feeling tears involuntarily form in his eyes as he saw the familiar scene of your room, lit by the light of your lamp as Liana was fast asleep against his chest while he napped on the armchair. 

James quickly wiped away the few tears that were in his eyes and looked up at you with a grateful smile, looking back down at the image before placing it neatly on his desk along with the card. 

“I hope you like it,” you said quietly, biting your lip. “I thought you might want to have a copy of that picture and…you know just a thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Liana this past year.” 

“I love it,” he assured you. “I-I love it and I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you smiled.

“N-No,” James came closer and reached out, taking your hands in his. “I…I love you. I’m in love with you.” 

“Jamie,” you spoke in a breathy whisper, unsure of how you lost your voice. “I-,” you opened your mouth to speak again, but paused when James raised a hand to your face, wiping away the tears you didn’t even notice had begun to stream down. 

“I just don’t want to be away from you, ever,” he said softly. “I never did. And now with Liana, I want to be there, for all of it.” 

You held the wrist of his hand that held your face, pulling him in closer so your foreheads rested against each other. 

You took in a shaky breath, thinking back on those words. Something you’d been saying to each other for longer than you could remember. The first time was so clear in your mind, you were on the phone racking up long distance charges while James was in Montreal. It had slipped out by accident, a reflex, and you had convinced yourself when the phone had hung up you’d never call him back, unable to face what you’d just said, but before you could spiral any further, he said it back and you never stopped saying it.

For the longest time that was the only occurrence that was memorable, everything else was a blur, that was until a few months ago. It was so simple, you had fallen asleep on the couch and James had made sure Liana was fed and bathed and even cleared up some things in the kitchen before sitting on the couch with some tea and a book. You had talked and said I love you as a thank you, but when the words left your mouth they also left a lingering airiness in your heart, a feather light feeling that came crashing down like an anvil when he left to go home because you realized you never wanted to be apart from him.

It took you a few moments to realize you hadn’t said anything and James was anxiously waiting for some sort of communication, anything, but since the meaning of your words had changed, for both of you, you thought it might be more conducive to work in actions.

You closed in the space between you, at first gently resting your lips on his and letting him lead you in a soft and slow kiss, putting aside all the restraint you both had been using these past months in an effort to protect your friendship.

One of James’ hands held onto your waist, pulling you in so that there was no space left between you. He kissed you again and again, remembering each one as a core memory, engraved in his mind, paired with the feeling of your arms wrapped around his neck, the feeling of your body pressed so closely against his, his heart beating outside of his chest. 

It was easy for his lips to trail away from yours, moving along your jaw, to your temple before you had pulled each other into a warm embrace, simply existing in each other’s arms. James thought to himself what a nice life it would be, not ever having to pull away. 

—

“I don’t have much to say,” James smiled. “Everything is looking good, you still seem 100% healthy to me.” 

“That’s great news.” 

“It definitely is. Standard procedure, but we’ll have one more of these remission follow ups to make sure everything is still in order then you hopefully won’t have to see me again.” 

“Thank you Dr. Wilson, I really appreciate all you’ve-.” 

“Dad!” 

“Sweetheart, wait he’s with a patient!” 

James turned his head and saw Liana running over to him, you valiantly trying to chase after her without much success. 

He quickly scooped her up in his arms before she crashed into him, pressing a big kiss to her cheek. 

“Sorry about that,” James apologized. “It’s Saturday, we normally have lunch together.” 

“No worries,” he chuckled. 

“Liana, this is my patient Mr. Kimbilio, can you say hi?” 

Liana waved and said hi, very exuberantly. 

“This is my daughter,” James introduced. “And that’s my wife,” he pointed over to you. 

“Daughter,” Mr. Kimbilio smiled. “I think I met you Liana, when you were very small. Your father was looking after you at work and so some of his patients got to meet you.” 

“Really?” she looked up at her dad and he nodded. 

“He’s right, I remember that,” James smiled. “You’ve grown a lot since then, haven’t you Li,” he kissed her cheek again and she giggled.

You finally caught up to the group and James greeted you with a quick kiss, passing Liana off to you so he could wrap things up and you could all go down to the cafeteria for lunch together. 

“If I remember correctly,” Mr. Kimbilio started. “You didn’t introduce her as your daughter the first time we met. I’m glad something changed.” 

“Me too,” James smiled, looking over at his wife and daughter fondly who were now in the midst of making him very proud by pulling off a small prank on House as he came out of his office. 

It didn’t take much longer for them to wrap things up and you and Liana made a quick pit stop inside James’ office before heading downstairs.

Liana went to go sit in James’ seat while he put away his files and organized them. 

It had been a while since you’d been in his office, but it felt like ever since the night you first kissed things had begun to change in the room. 

His desk was now more littered with photos than knickknacks and Liana’s artwork was posted wherever there was room. 

You came around to the other side, looking a little more closely at the pictures. 

There was one of you, James, and Liana on your wedding day, another of just the two of you during an anniversary celebration, Liana’s kindergarten photo from school and another one of you as a family on your last vacation. And still as prominent as ever, the framed photo you had gifted James on his first father’s day. 

“You ready to go?” he asked you, looking up and noticing your eyes gazing at the pictures on his desk. 

When you didn’t initially respond, too focused on what you were looking at, James wrapped an arm around you and tilted your chin towards him so he could press a kiss to your lips.

“I love you,” you smiled and James kissed you again, saying.

“And I love you,” before moving over to pick up Liana and kiss her cheek. “And you.”

Liana giggled, feeling tickled by the kisses and moving to give both of you a kiss on the cheek before saying. 

“Mom, Dad, I’m starving. Can we go eat now?”

“Sure, Liana banana,” James chuckled and you wrapped an arm around him, walking side by side out of the office and in the direction of the elevator to get to the cafeteria, thinking you were pretty lucky that in the end, your best friend listened to his heart and went after what he wanted.

TAGLIST —

@cuntyvicodin @paola-carter @kiddbegins @il0vebeingdelulu @illicit4ff4irs @lynnsthoughts @miarabanana @iwmflbb @shots-of-wilson-and-whiskey @sarcasm-and-stiles @sun-flower-mad @x-uno @han11dh @qardasngan @alexxavicry

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[thatwritterbeach]

One messed up bat .3

Dc masterlist

Batfam x reader x Jason Todd eventually

Summary: the batfam's approach to Y/n self harming. She makes a run for it, doens't get far of course

Warnings: self harm, self hate, innuendos, 18+ talk, Jason making passes at Y/n

A/n: I do not own dc wah

"I'll be out in a second." At least she'd cleaned up quick. Her eyes were bloodshot from puking but that was easy to pass off for just tears, she's already brushed her teeth and the bathroom was free of evidence. With a deep breath she opened the door to Jason leaning against the frame.

"I punched him for ya, Dick wouldn't let me get in more than one but I'll try again later," he tried to joke but she knew from the blood on his knuckles it was true.

"You didn't have to, I'm sorry I put a back slide in your healing-"

"You didn't do shit, pretty, it was all him, sure we'd been slowly makin' amends but I don't need him. I need you happy and safe, and he can't do either."

"I'm fine, or I'll be fine, or whatever it is you wanna hear, thank you for sticking up for me-"

"I can't let ya hurt yourself, sweets. Dick and I have decided on a plan," he said grabbing one of her hands to pull her over to her bed. She sat on the edge ready to bolt if she needed.

"You two making plans is never a good sign..."

"We're gonna move in here-"

"Oh hell no, we'll all kill each other!"

"We'll manage, for you. We'll take out old rooms, I promise not to smother Bruce with a pillow in his sleep and we can take turns sitting with you-"

"I'm not a child-" He stopped her with a pointed look, his eyes dropping just for a second to her chest.

"I know that-"

"Don't look at my boobs when you say that you weirdo."

"Stop interrupting. When should I look at your boobs then," he said then cringed at himself.

"Uh, um, I don't know? Not -I mean, this isn't a porno bro, so unless you wanna help me get unstuck from the dryer-"

"Ha, you saw that one too," he cut her off with a panicked laugh. His hand working through his hair.

"Just the memes, I don't watch-you know what never mind. Don't look at my tits-"

"Why is he looking at your...um," Dick accused in that 'I'm her older brother I will kill you with a spoon voice'.

"Can we just back to my self harm," she begged burying her face in her hands in embarrassment.

"Yes please," Jason said with relief. Dick was glaring at him, then used a finger to slash across his throat in the universal I'll kill you gesture.

"Anyway, Tim is laying out the ground rules for Bruce. Which is he's not allowed to be in any room alone with you, he doesn't get any shifts as your emotional support buddy-"

"Babysitter."

"-and he's grounded from the cave until we track down the joker and cut him into tiny pieces," Dick continued like she said nothing.

"Damian agreed to drug him if we had to, to avoid the no kill rule," Jason clarified.

"You guys are the best, none-legal, half-step-adopted-but-not-really-sibling-friends a girl could ask for. But you don't need to hunt for him, I know just where he is. I was gonna deliver his head to Jason for his birthday."

"You were gonna give me head-shit I mean a head for my birthday," Jason stuttered. The others blinked at him then Dick smacked him upside the head and Y/n started laughing.

"What is it with you? Do you need to get laid that badly? I'm nothing to look at you dork," she said with disturbing ease, shaking her head like she was scolding a puppy.

"Don't say that," Dick chided sitting on the bed and pulling her sideways into his lap. She flopped over onto him awkwardly with her arms pinned to her sides by him so she couldn't wiggle free.

"I think you're gorgeous, sweets." She snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah, right my family says I'm not ugly and I'm just supposed to take their word for it, nice try. The only person in this house that doesn't lie is Damian."

"I'd prove it to you if buzz kill wasn't here."

"Dude!"

"Oh my God, enough with the sex talk! Tim might hear-"

"Hear what?"

"Ok, seriously does the robin training include popping up at bad times did I miss that lesson?"

"Why are you just now getting the sex talk," Tim asked with a shit eating grin, little fucker knew something. She narrowed her eyes at him but his grin stayed.

"No, Jason keeps making passes like a damn player," Dick explained.

"Bout time," Tim said flopping himself down on her bed on his stomach.

"hardly a time for jokes, Tim-"

"No really, he loves you, you love him just kiss already-"

"You are so dead," Dick shouted rolling her off to the side to make a grab for Jason, who's instincts kicked in and had him out the door in a blink. Their footsteps could be heard pounding down the hall followed by a few crashes.

"Alfred's gonna be pissed," Tim said like he didn't just start it.

"Dude what the hell, why would you lie about something like that," she whispered shouted at him.

"I know you love him-"

"But he doesn't love me you little shit, it's horrible for you to start trouble."

"Speaking of trouble just how much damage did you cause before Jason got up here?"

"A little."

"Let me see."

"No."

"Then I'll just have the others hold you down-"

"Fine fine, when did you get so mean. I swear just last week you weren't saying more than two words to me," she grumbled rolling her shorts up to show him the bandages. They were shallow so no blood had soaked through but he pulled a knife from his pocket to cut them away and check any how.

"I'm sorry I've-we've all been distant with you, but you just seemed so...okay. I mean before Dick pissed you off your voice echoed down the halls as you sang. Every time I passed you you were dancing. You baked cookies with Alfred every other day- I just... I'm sorry I couldn't read between the lines," he said wadding up the gauze and letting her wounds get some air.

"Tim, the singing and dancing and the fake smiles were meant to throw you off, there was no between the lines," she explained softly.

He didn't respond just continues to look at her cuts, the burn scars and what he was really hoping wasn't words carved into her skin, they were so faded they blended with the stretch mark but he was sure he could make out a few letters. Dick came back into the room alone, looking smug but his smile dropped when he saw her.

"Tim! You were supposed to watch her," he whisper shouted crossing the room and dropping to his knees on the bed.

"I did this before any of you got in here, one last hurrah," she laughed. Dick wasn't laughing, he'd found the letters too.

"What did these say?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb, you have letters scared, what did they say?"

She yanked her shorts down and became invested in her cuticles turning her body away and getting ready to run. Dick sat down on the bed about a foot from her trying to give her a bit of space but all he did was give her an opening. She was up and out of reach with a quickness only a past robin could have but she'd underestimated them Dick was in her path and Tim was to her side blocking the bathroom door just as quick. With little to no deliberation she bolted for her balcony. Slamming the doors behind herself she all but leapt from the guard rail and scaled the vine covered lattice with ease. They were close behind and she had to really kick it into gear to run, zigzagging to avoid them.

"Hey, what the hell guys," Jason voice said from only a few feet from her.

"Shit," she said to herself, her shorter legs going as fast as they could, just a little further and she'd be off the property. Of course she was in slippers and her feet were getting soaked from the damp grass, she was just thankful she hadn't-shit she jinxed it, she fucking slipped, right before the damn gate too. Three annoyed vigilantes were dog piled on her before she could even begin to stand back up and fell flat on her stomach in defeat.

"Thanks for the workout," Jason groaned at her his body draped over her legs.

"I forgot how fast you were itty bitty bat," Dick said from his position on his knees next to her, one hand on her back to hold her down.

"Just where did you think you were gonna go," Tim asked, he was just straight up sitting on her like an annoying little brother showing off that he'd grown taller.

"Can I get up now?" They all eased up but before she could get her to her feet Jason tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman carry. His ass looked great in his sweatpants damnit.

"Hey," she shouted smacking his hip, he smacked the back of her thigh in response and she was disturbed to find she'd liked it.

"So what did we learn," Dick asked bending down to be eye level with her.

"That I need to spend more time on the treadmill."

(this entire time I keep picturing Tim off to the side sipping an iced coffee like he's watching a 3d movie)

The walk back to the manner took a little while and Jason was sure to give her a bumpy ride. Unfortunately he'd discovered after he'd tossed her on his shoulder she was in fact not wearing a bra. He could feet her nipples, which had hardened from the cold, against his back as she tried to cling to him for a less rough ride. if Dick was going to kill him before, he was going to make him dig his own grave now. Of course, he felt disgusted for the thoughts he had about his technically adopted sister, even more so with what he'd said to her. If Tim was right, and she loved him back he would die happy. Now though, he had to focus on making her happy.

9-26-24

taglist

@stormz369

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Megan's pr plan gossip. by u/deedee50

Megan's pr plan+ gossip. We all know that Megan calls the paps to car parks etc and other exciting places where she can be photographed. After she was seen entering an eatery that Cameron Diaz and Benjamin McFadden were outside that was turned into a story about them dining along with Gwyneth who happened to be there at the same time. The reason Megan put out the story that they had had dinner together knowing it was completely false was to be able to then ring said celebrities in this case Gwyneth and Cameron, so she could apologise for the false press, and ask if they'd like to meet for a drink or a bite to eat somewhere more private and get to know each other. Also pulled this trick with Travolta (who quickly shut it down).Megan asked and got a list of WMEs clients who might be open to a mutually beneficial friendship contract, unfortunately apparently there were only 18 names all c-d list, real housewives/selling sunset types. Not 1 A.Lister. She has started drinking more than usual, crying to h, why does everyone hate me?? Etc. Also seems convinced and has convinced h that they will get back in the RF fold, using public pressure of constantly holding out olive branch's that are rejected, the atmosphere is very much "they owe us, after what they put poor meg through just like husbands mummy"The person who drops me this info is soon starting to seek out offers that the payout would more than cover being sue'd by the litigious harkles and keeps a detailed diary. The majority Of information is only gained because madam seems to have 2 levels of voice shout and shout louder when things don't go her way. I've told before how staff talk and laugh that even garden staff know whats going on it's that loud. plus theres caneras EVERYWHERE manned by security also privy to what's going on, he still wants her, she tolerates him, they fight a lot Doria is ref. This is all alleged, I've explained how I get the info, and why and it's up to you if you wish to think it's true, partly true or false. I'm saying this as I love this forum, the posters are intelligent ,witty and fun and it brings me relief from real life, so that's why I post, and my friend is aware I post here. post link: https://ift.tt/hQlVkdT author: deedee50 submitted: April 09, 2024 at 06:05PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[mikachacha]

𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You and Bada are roommates and there were moments that felt like you could be something more. Honestly, it's just a waiting game between you two now. To see who gives in and confess first.

Warning: Idk, maybe the explicit lyrics of the song or something 😭

Also, this is my first fic because I couldn't think of anything else other than my gayness for Bada whenever I hear this song 😫 Forgive me for some errors because English is not my first language ❤

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮

Bada came home after a stressful day and heard 𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝙼𝚎 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚎 by Doja Cat playing from the speakers and the sound of the vacuum being used. She couldn't help but smile as she entered the living room quietly and found you cleaning while singing and even dancing around to the music playing. She couldn't help but watch you as you moved around, seemingly lost in your own little world.

"Can you kiss me more? We're so young 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕, we ain't got nothing to lose oh, oh.." you sang and Bada raised her eyebrow as she noticed that you changed the lyrics from boy to girl. It could only mean one thing, right? Or she's just assuming things because truth be told, Bada likes you but is too scared to admit it because she's scared that you might not like her back.

"I see you're enjoying yourself, Y/N." she finally spoke and you swore you jumped 20 feet to the air after realizing that Bada was there and has seen all the atrocities that you were doing while cleaning. You got home earlier from your modeling gig and decided to clean around, was even planning on making dinner for you and Bada. In hopes that maybe she gets a hint that you're in love with her or something and you guys could work something out before you go insane.

"Jesus! Can you not do that? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" you said while rubbing your chest a bit, trying to calm your racing heart and she only laughs, shaking her head in amusement. You paused the song and finished vacuuming before sitting down on the couch which prompted her to sit as well.

You dramatically raised your arms up for a hug before just planting your face on her lap. Her hand began playing with your hair and the both of you sat there, enjoying the silence and each other.

"Y/N, I've been meaning to tell you something. You can call me delulu or whatever but when you changed the lyrics from boy to girl earlier, it kind of hinted that maybe you're attracted to girls.." Bada broke the silence and you listened, cheeks burning. You didn't mean to do that. Well you did mean that but you did not mean to let Bada hear that. But maybe it did something good for your part because you're finally having this talk with her.

"Y-yeah.. I'm.. actually attracted to girls but not just any girl. I'm actually attracted to someone specific." you told her and sat upright so you can look at her. Her face held anticipation and fear at the same time which you found cute.

"Yeah? Can you tell me who that someone is and I tell you this someone I actually like for a long time? Just to be fair since you've been asking about it a lot." Bada asked. Her heart is pounding against her chest. She wants to know the person that you like and not at the same time. What if she's just delusional thinking that she's the one that you like but you actually like someone else? She doesn't know how to live with that if that ever happens.

"It's you.. Bada, it's you." you finally confessed and she lets out a sigh of relief before hugging you close to her chest, thanking everyone and everything that she can think of for this wonderful moment that she's living in. She can finally tell team BeBe that she's not delusional and you do really like her back.

"You have no idea how happy I am right now.. I like you— wait, I love you, Y/N. I love you so much, ever since the first time you made me some food when I got sick." she says and you smiled, remembering that time. She was so sick after a practice and you just came home from work. She's just a sad and sick burrito roll on the couch and couldn't move a lot due to fatigue. You nursed her back to full health which was like two days and got sick right after but you didn't regret it.

"If that's the case.. Can you kiss me more? We're so young, girl. We've got nothing to lose oh, oh.." you sang teasingly and she chuckled before cupping your cheeks and kissing your lips gently, just savoring the moment and the taste of your lips against hers.

[shesasurvivor]

May 8 (2023 Update) [fic]

Every year I have a hard believing it's already been a full year since my last update to this fic, but it feels especially so this way. I've learned a lot of lessons over this last year, including how to open my heart and let someone in... and that sometimes, you have to get over yourself and communicate what you want from someone! All that influenced the contents of this year's entry to my annual fic celebrating Katniss's birthday.

Credit also goes to @rosegardeninwinter for providing inspiration for this fic by asking whether or not Katniss or Peeta would be the one to propose. This was my solution.

Read on AO3.

--

"Do you think Peeta will finally propose?"

Johanna's question catches me off guard. "Propose?" I repeat, only too aware that I know exactly what she means and I'm only trying to buy more time while I process her question. And my response.

"Yeah, dummy. You two have been together for years now. Don't tell me you think one of you might think there's someone else out there for you. You two are so in love and perfect for each other, it's gross."

The question makes me feel uneasy. Because I'm mid-conversation, I don't have the additional resources at the moment to examine why. I'm just grateful this is over the phone, and Johanna can't see my reaction for herself. I'm transported back to those moments in the cave, years ago, when I wanted to close the curtains to keep prying minds out of my personal business.

"Oh. I don't know," I give what I hope is a convincing light laugh. "What do we need to get married for, anyways?"

There's a beat in which I sense Johanna may be conceding I actually have a point. "You District 12 types always seemed so traditional, I just assumed you would want to," she finally says. "It doesn't matter to me either way."

A silent sense of relief washes over me as I realize she isn't going to press me any further. I try to think up an adequate response, but she changes the subject before I even have a chance to do so.

"So what's Peeta making for your birthday?"

Another question I'm unprepared to answer, but at least this one isn't as loaded as the first. I give her an answer that I barely register, and after some small talk about my birthday plans, she moves on to some story about something in her own district.

I'm still thinking about the conversation hours later. Johanna's question really dug under my skin. Why, I couldn't tell you. Not the one about my birthday; that's never been something I've made a big show of. It's the question of whether or not Peeta will propose.

Since the war ended, Peeta and I have basically been left alone by the Capitol, the press, and everyone but our remaining loved ones. For this, I couldn't be more grateful. It allowed Peeta and me to grow back together and pick up the maimed pieces of our fractured relationship so we could knot them back together. It was something we could only have done in privacy, and it was sorely needed. I'm still grateful that everyone left that part of us alone when we needed it most.

But maybe in the privacy, we grew too complacent? Would marriage be the next step? Is it supposed to be?

District 12 has always been one of the more traditional districts in Panem. Old-fashioned, some have even called us. Maybe we are, though things have changed since the district borders opened to others. I had never planned to marry when I was a kid. But there was no denying it was considered the natural culmination for anyone in a romantic relationship at the time.

I ruminate over it as I prepare dinner for us that night. Should Peeta be proposing? The more I think about it, the more confused I become. Maybe he should propose. Maybe it's something he should have done already. Why hasn't he?

My stomach drops at the thought. Is there a reason he hasn't proposed? No. I shake my head slightly to clear it. Of course not. Peeta and I have a great relationship now, even if it started out so rocky. Everything is so peaceful between us now, marriage isn't even necessary.

Right?

He comes home and kisses me on the cheek in greeting, just as he always does. "How was your day?" he asks me.

"Fine," I say, trying to sound as normal as possible. But am I imagining the peevish edge in my tone? Maybe, because Peeta doesn't seem to show any sign of noticing it. I ask about his day in return and learn it was fine as well. Then we sit down and enjoy our dinner together.

I was right, I think to myself as I relax while we eat. This is easy. Peaceful. There's nothing wrong with us. Not anymore. This is what I want forever.

My eyes fall on my parents' wedding picture, which I have nestled on a shelf I can see from the doorway to the kitchen. They wanted forever, too. Look what happened when they made it official.

You're just scared, a voice says in my head. There's no doubt it's the influence of my old head doctor, Dr. Aurelius. This was the kind of thing he would help me with back when Peeta and I were still trying to find our way back to each other. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have what I have with Peeta today if I hadn't had Dr. Aurelius's help. That doesn't make it any less annoying having his advice haunt me now.

"What do you want to do for your birthday? Peeta's words cut through my thoughts. It's jarring, being torn from this new conundrum, but I'm grateful for the distraction. Even if I don't have a suitable answer to his question.

"I don't know," I say with a shrug. I've never been one to celebrate my birthday much, even back before I was reaped and my family was still around. Peeta has made a few more efforts over the years, refusing to let me forget the day entirely. According to him, we should celebrate that we've been given the chance to celebrate them at all. I'm not saying he's wrong. But they've never felt the same since the war.

Peeta lifts a brow. "I guess I'll just have to surprise you, then," he says with a mischievous glint.

For some reason, I'm back to thinking about the proposal thing again. I know it's common for marriage proposals to happen around special events, like holidays. Or birthdays. In the Capitol, they even like to make a big deal about them, putting on lavish events for when they pop the question. Things are a lot more simple in District 12, but even here they were considered a special occasion.

We're three days from my birthday. And over the course of the ensuing three days, it seems I'm hit by a barrage of weddings and proposals. Some famous person from the Capitol gets proposed to on the news program the next night. One of the workers at Peeta's bakery takes time to attend his sister's wedding. But the real kicker comes when Delly arrives the day before my birthday to announce she and Thom are getting married.

"That's great, Delly!" Peeta seems genuinely thrilled for her. "Congratulations!"

"I know! Isn't it just the greatest?" she gushes, holding out her hand to show off the modest engagement ring Thom had bestowed on her. "I've been waiting for Thom to propose, and he finally did! Oh, I can't wait to tell my brother." Delly launches into an explanation of all her plans to tell people, and what she wants to do for the celebration. "It'll be a traditional District 12 ceremony, of course, with a toasting and everything," she says.

Peeta smiles. "I'll make the bread."

Delly's face lights up. "Oh, thank you, Peeta! I was hoping you would!"

I do my best to seem as excited for Delly's pending nuptials as she and Peeta both are. But I can't help the sinking feeling that settles in me. With the lively conversation around me, though, I don't really have a chance to examine what exactly it is.

"Well, Katniss and I both are really happy for you. Right, Katniss?" Peeta says the last part in such a pointed way, I realize I must be coming across as rude. I realize I haven't said too much tonight.

"Yes, of course!" I say, forcing myself to give a big grin. Just to make up for things, I even lean in and give her a hug.

"Thank you, Katniss!" If Delly had noticed anything about my behavior, she does a good job of hiding it. "Well, I should be getting back. I still need to fix our dinner for tonight!"

We both walk her to the door and bid our farewells. As soon as the door closes behind her, Peeta turns on me. "What was that?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" It doesn't sound at all convincing. I usually can't hide my moods from Peeta, not after we've been together for so long. But I haven't even had a chance to figure out for myself what's bothering me.

"Delly just announced some big news. And you barely acknowledged it at all. Except for that hug at the end." Peeta makes a face that shows he could tell that hug was an act. He's gotten good at spotting them over the years.

"I don't know," I say, shrugging and turning away from him.

"It's a big deal," he says. "It should be celebrated."

I wouldn't know, I think to myself. And that's when I figure out what it is that's bothering me. I excuse myself because I need some time to work through these feelings on my own. Peeta also knows me well enough by now to know when to give me space. But I can tell he's feeling a little annoyed right now.

Join the club.

The issue doesn’t come up again for the rest of the night, though there’s a chill in the air between us. We still share our bed that night, but there are no kisses before the lights go out. There definitely isn’t anything else.

Despite all this, Peeta is awake before I am the next morning. I find him puttering around the kitchen when I go down. He turns when he hears me coming, flashes a brow as if to say he’s not sure how he should act, or how I’m feeling. “Happy birthday.” Even with the greeting, I sense the apprehension in his voice.

The sight of him cooking breakfast for me on my birthday makes me feel guilty for how I acted last night. I still haven’t figured out what was bothering me. Maybe it was just pre-birthday jitters. Either way, I decide to let it go.

“Thanks,” I offer him a smile. He visibly relaxes at the sight of it. “I made breakfast,” he continues. “Lots of cheese buns.”

I melt a little. Even after all these years, he knows I still love his cheese buns and he still makes them, especially for me. I cross over and kiss him. “Thank you,” I say. I sit down at the table and let him serve me breakfast.

My birthdays are usually quiet, and this year has been no different. Peeta took the day off at the bakery so he could spend time with me. I’d just as soon forget about it, and pretend it’s any other day. He’s the opposite and thinks we should savor every birthday we’ve been given. I can’t resist letting him do so, and so my birthdays usually have some sort of celebration anyways.

Today, it’s a small birthday dinner with our friends still in District 12. I field phone calls from my mother, Annie, Johanna, and even Effie beforehand. With that out of the way, we sit down for our meal, followed by the cake Peeta made for me.

“Great cake,” Thom says as he shovels another piece into his mouth.

“Peeta always made the best cakes, even when we were kids,” Delly tells him. “He has to make the cake for our wedding, too.”

Peeta smiles. “Of course. I’d be happy to, Delly.”

Just like that, the feeling from last night returns.

It’s normal for me to be quieter than everyone else. It always has been. But tonight, I must seem quieter than usual, because, after about 15 minutes of wedding chatter, Haymitch speaks up.

“You should probably change the subject because Birthday Girl here doesn’t look all that thrilled with the subject,” he slurs. He’s already several bottles in and inspecting the bottom of his current bottle, so he doesn’t notice the way everyone turns to look at me. Or the way his comment only puts me in a worse mood.

An awkward silence falls over the group since no one knows what to say. I try to avoid looking at any of them, but I can’t help meeting Peeta’s eyes and seeing his own frustration reflecting back from them. It makes me feel defensive, so I avert my eyes before I say something I’ll regret out loud. Probably I should say something to the group, or apologize, but no words come out. I’ve never been very good at this stuff. And alright, maybe I don’t feel like I should even have to say something in the first place.

“Katniss, I’m so sorry,” Delly finally says. “Here it’s your birthday, and I’m taking all the spotlight!”

“It’s fine,” I mumble.

“No, it’s your birthday! Tonight it’s about you.” A murmur of agreement echoes through the group, and slowly the conversation starts again. But not for long. After another half-hour, Delly and Thom make up an excuse to leave. Greasy Sae follows suit, and when Haymitch sees everyone else is leaving, he does as well.

Despite my mood, or maybe because of it, I follow them to the door and bid them goodnight. Once the door is closed, Peeta turns on me. He’s clearly aggravated now, but I can see he’s trying to hold it back since it’s my birthday and all.

“Alright,” he says. “What is it? What’s bothering you so much?”

“I don’t know!” I say, more forcefully than I mean to.

“Yes you do,” he counters. “Why else would you keep throwing a fit every time Delly brings up her wedding?”

“Why do you care so much about her wedding? Is it because you want to marry her?”

Peeta just stands there, gaping in shock. He’s too taken aback to know what to say. To be honest, so am I, because I hadn’t expected to say that. I’m not even sure I knew I was thinking it. But now that it’s out, there’s no taking it back, and now I feel like I have to defend myself.”

“Of course not!” Peeta finally sputters. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, you’re sure obsessed with a wedding for someone who doesn’t want one!” I turn before I get to see his reaction and march out of the room.

I need out of the house. It’s too stuffy in here. I need to be outside where I can see the stars and the moon. My legs carry me to the back porch and immediately feel some relief when I’m alone. I pause, take a deep breath, then settle down on the edge of the porch with my legs dangling over the side while I ponder the darkness that stretches out in front of me.

Is that what’s bothering me? No, I know Peeta doesn’t want to marry Delly. He’s had plenty of chances in his life. He would have done it long ago if there were any interest there. They’re like siblings. And Peeta loves me. We have a bond no one else could replicate, after everything we’ve been through together.

So why doesn’t he want to make it permanent? A shiver courses through me as I realize I’ve struck the heart of the issue. It’s not that I think Peeta wants to marry someone else. It’s because he doesn’t make any effort to marry me.

I guess Johanna’s words really did get the better of me. I never cared about this kind of thing before. I never wanted to get married. Of course, I also never wanted to fall in love either and look how that changed. Would marriage be so bad? My parents did it. So did his. And the toasting ceremony is so inherent in District 12’s customs, maybe a small part of me really would like to participate in one.

Heavy footsteps come up from behind me; Peeta stops when he reaches me. “Can I sit down?” he asks. I nod, and he settles in beside me. For a long while, we both stare into the night in silence.

“I’m sorry,” Peeta says at last. I turn to look at him, surprised. “Delly is right. It’s your birthday.”

I’m taken aback, so all I manage to do is tell him it’s okay. Besides, I’m not even sure how to broach the subject with him.

Finally, he reaches over and closes my hand in his. The warm steadiness his hand brings is immediately soothing, and I feel myself begin to relax. Whatever comes next, it won’t be an argument at least. “What’s bothering you?”

I look at him, and the words nearly come out. I catch myself just in time and look back to my patch of blackness across the yard. I’m relieved I stopped myself from saying anything. And then the words come out anyway. “Why don’t you ask me to marry you?”

Peeta freezes. It’s so abrupt, that I’m almost afraid I’ve triggered one of his episodes somehow, and immediately kick myself for bringing it up. Panic rising in me, I turn to assess the situation. But he’s only staring at me. Shocked, yes. But still unmistakably him.

“I- I didn’t know you wanted to get married,” he says at last.

Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Until today. “I didn’t either,” I admit.

“Then why are you making such a big deal out of it?”

“I’m not making a big deal!” I shoot back, feeling defensive for some reason. But I catch myself because that isn’t going to help us right now. “Johanna asked me when you were going to propose,” I explain. “I guess it just got me thinking.”

“I’ll marry you,” Peeta says. “If that’s what you want.”

Is it? I expect the very prospect to make me feel a sense of panic like I’m trapped or something. I’m surprised when I realize it doesn’t. Aren’t I already planning to spend my life with him anyways?

“Do you want it?” I know he did, back when we were teenagers. Before the hijacking. I know he still loves me. But have his opinions on marriage changed since the Capitol messed with his brain?

Peeta clasps my hand in both of his. “Katniss, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t think you did. I didn’t want to push it.”

“Well… I do,” I finally admit.

A large grin spreads across his face. He turns his body towards me, taking both my hands in both of his. “Then Katniss,” he says, “will you marry me?”

I can’t help smiling myself. For the question, for the fact that this conversation went far better than I was afraid it would. All I had to do was tell him what I wanted. If I had any qualms about our future together, that already makes me feel much better. “Yes.”

His face lights up, and a familiar mischievous glint reflects in his eye. “Real or not real?”

My heart warms over, thinking about how I once was so sure this day would never come. First because of my own guarded heart, and then because he was stolen from me. But he is here, and he’s the one birthday present I’ll ever want year after year.

“Real.”

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

First Date Night

Fandom: Path to Nowhere

Characters: Cinnabar, Zoya, Langley

Warnings: First-date nerves?

Requested by: @mossmosis

Prompt: For Cinnabae, Zoya and Langley. How would they ask their s/o out for the first time. What they do how do they dress. Gimme everything.

Comments: My first time writing for PtN, eek! I'm not super confident with Langley's tbh, but I hope it's good regardless. I got a little carried away with Cinnabar's, too... oops? Enjoy, kiddo <3 I'll try to do the second part of your request soon~

Cinnabar

Cinnabar is all cool and confidence.... until now. Now, she's completely and totally out of her depth, and she has absolutely no idea how to even begin this conversation, much less accomplish her goal.

What makes it so, so much worse is that the person she wants to ask out is the Chief of all people! Cinnabar, who has turned down countless women because they were her clients and she strictly believes in not mixing work with pleasure, not getting romantically involved with anyone she has a professional relationship with... and that, unfortunately, includes the Chief. But she can't help it! And after a long while of desperately pretending to keep up this silly ideal of hers, she gives in. The Chief is more than her technical boss, they're her friend, too... and, she hopes, soon they might be her lover.

She beats around the bush a lot. Asks about the plans for the weekend, wearing her Strictly Professional Persona to hide the anxiety turning her stomach to jelly. For a few weeks, the Chief has told her of various missions, and Cinnabar has enthusiastically volunteered to go on them, to protect the Chief of course. But now, for once, the Chief merely smiles at her and explains that they don't have any plans, that the various crises are more stable than they have been, and nothing is too urgent to wait for a few days while the Sinners take a well-deserved weekend off... not to mention the poor overworked Chief themself.

And now, of course, Cinna panics. She'd gotten so used to asking the question, being told of the missions and experiencing equal relief and disappointment... now that she's faced with the opportunity to ask them out, she's not entirely sure how to go about it. She probably stammers a little, bringing up this nice place she knows of in town, talking about how hard the Chief has been working, how they deserve a break too... and they're watching her so gently, so openly, she eventually just takes a deep breath and spits it out, asking if they'll go out with her for dinner and maybe drinks. And, of course, the Chief accepts with a warm smile that melts her heart far more than it should, and it takes every bit of trained composure she has to not jump for joy or melt into a puddle in the middle of the Chief's office.

Cinnabar decides to treat the preparation as if she's preparing for a mission. That's the only way she can stop her hands from trembling. She takes a long shower, scrubs every speck of dirt off of her body in anxious preparation, but then comes the question of... what exactly should she wear? She considers a dress, though that means she'd have to borrow one from one of the other Sinners, and then she worries she'd look horribly out of place in a dress - how would she style her hair, wouldn't she need makeup, god forbid she'd need to wear heels... how on earth could she protect the Chief in something like that, should the need arise?

Eventually she settles on digging out some of her nicer clothing, something comfortable and practical, but distinctly different from her preferred Serpent Eye uniform. She brushes her hair a dozen times, fidgets with the style and tries to get it perfect, but it ends up looking no different than it usually does.

She's waiting for the Chief outside their office, or by the front door, at exactly the time they'd agreed upon. Despite her nerves, she's nothing if not punctual. She's there, standing at attention, greeting the Chief with a smile that she hopes looks as confident as she always feels and asking if they're ready to go.

Despite all of the anxiety, because this is likely Cinnabar's first time taking anyone out on a non-work-related date, she'll relax soon enough and begin to enjoy herself. The Chief has a way of putting her at ease, after all, and she feels as though everything will be just fine. She finds herself wondering why she was so nervous to begin with.

She walks the Chief to her door after they return home, and a bit of her former shyness returns. She fidgets a bit, making casual small talk, and then start off by saying she had a wonderful time, searching their gaze nervously as she leans in a bit, eyes flicking from theirs to their lips and back as she quietly asks, "Chief.... may I?"

All in all she's a nervous wreck, the poor darling. Want her to attend a million fancy events to protect people? Sure, no problem. She'll walk into the middle of the Syndicate without batting an eye, will throw herself between innocent people and danger without a moment's notice... but this, this is different. She can face down the most dangerous enemies and come up with five different strategies for neutralizing the threat, but she doesn't know how to handle the swarm of butterflies in her stomach, the way that particular smile the Chief gives her makes her weak in the knees.

Zoya

Zoya isn't afraid of anything, and a date is no exception, but she doesn't have much experience in a situation like this. Or... any experience, actually. She's always been a hard worker, never quite giving allowing herself to relax properly, because she couldn't. Her entire life has been walking a tightrope, always being ready to launch into action, into battle, at a moment's notice. She doesn't really even know how to relax, truth be told. But she will try, because she has someone worth trying for, now.

She doesn't overthink things too much. After she finishes doing something with the Chief, be it a sparring match or a mission, she glances over at them, calm as ever, and says, "hey, we should go out sometime. Just the two of us. You wanna get drinks tonight?" The Chief says yes, and she nods casually, tells them to meet her at seven, and pretends not to feel the fluttering in her chest when they smile and agree.

She's surprisingly nervous, but hides it very well. The Chief has learned her well by now, though. They can tell, something in the way she holds herself, a particular stiffness in her motions that isn't usually there when she feels fully in control of the situation. Plus, they can likely feel it through the Shackles.

She doesn't really get all fancy for the date. Not the first one, at least. Later, she might, but... not tonight. She does try to make herself look a bit more presentable, though, cleaning herself up a bit, though she's careful to preserve her effortless badass appearance. But hey, the least she can do is make sure her clothes are free of blood when she goes on her date, right?

They go to a bar somewhere, preferably somewhere either no one knows her and they can fade into the shadows, or where everyone knows her, where the Big Bad Dangerous Sinner Zoya is feared and respected and won't be bothered. They sit at a table tucked into a back corner, Zoya comfortably draped across her chair, throwing back drinks and slowly loosening up as they talk.

They stay until the bar closes down, then head back, either returning to the Bureau or Zoya's home. Either way, she stays for a while, and this is where she finally learns the meaning of relaxing. She's had enough alcohol to take the edge off, and now she's in an environment where she feels safe. It's an odd feeling, one she isn't entirely used to -- she'd argue that she feels safe anywhere she goes, because she can handle whatever threats are thrown her way, but deep down she knows that isn't true.

They talk for a long while, about anything and everything, and she slowly lets her guard down, just a little. She trusts the Chief, but their relationship is different than the other people she's trusted in her life. The members of the Legion look to her as a leader, and she feels as though she must always be seen as the leader they expect. No matter how comfortable she is with them, there's that subconscious power imbalance. But the Chief... the Chief doesn't feel that way. They aren't one of her subordinates. She can give them orders all she likes, but they won't always follow them - on the contrary, she's learned they're far more likely not to obey her commands. The Chief feels like her equal, like her... partner. It's an unusual feeling, but one she likes all the same.

The night will likely end with the two of them getting far more intimately familiar with one another, and Zoya lies awake for quite a while after the Chief has fallen asleep in her arms, watching them sleep and trying to process everything that has happened, how exactly she's gotten so lucky as to end up in this situation.

Langley

Langley doesn't hesitate to ask the Chief out. She's hardly subtle about it, either. "Hey, Rookie. You, me, dinner, tonight at eight. My treat. Wear somethin' nice, I'll pick you up in front of the Bureau." Leaves no room for arguments, just states that her intention is to take them out, and that's that.

She works hard but she plays hard, too, and she's no stranger to the dating scene. Most of the times she's taken people out have been for an ulterior motive, admittedly, but she's always enjoyed herself in the process, and she's quite skilled in seduction. She doesn't want anything from the Chief, though they might be suspicious that she's using them for something. She just finds them intriguing and wants to get to know them a bit better.

She meets them out front as instructed, looking even more stunning than she usually does. She's wearing an elegant dress - nothing so elaborate as the banquet one, but stunning nonetheless, a dress made of shimmering silvery fabric, rather low cut in the front with a slit in the side of the skirt nearly up to her hip. She's done her hair and makeup too, giving herself a more ethereal look than normal.

She takes the Chief to a surprisingly fancy restaurant, treats them to anything they want off the menu along with a bottle of wine. She seems to be at home here, completely relaxed and in her element. If asked about it, she'll merely wink and say something about being a spy.

She flirts like mad the entire night. Lots of small gestures, holding the doors for them, pulling their chair out, pouring them more wine, feeding them bites of her food off of her own fork with a suggestive smirk... Gives them endless compliments, while also continuing to call them Rookie every chance she gets and making it clear who's in charge here.

Don't be surprised if Langley anticipates a lot of things about the Chief's preferences, from the type of food at the restaurant to the wine she orders, to the color of gemstone in the necklace she's wearing... she is a spy, after all, and a damn good one. It's her job to know her targets, and while the Chief isn't her target for the usual reasons, they're certainly the target of her affections, and she'll learn everything she can about them in order to best impress them.

Probably regales them impressive with tales of her work over dinner. It's impossible to tell how much of them is true and how much is exaggerated or completely fabricated, but they're fascinating all the same.

Once the night ends she'll take them back to her place for a bit if they're willing, probably feeds them some fruit or sweets, pampering them a little more before she inevitably has them on their knees for her.

Her curiosity and longing for the Chief only grows stronger after she's had a taste, and she continues taking them out on dates quite often. The dates themselves are spontaneous and unpredictable, much like Langley herself, and the more time the Chief spends with her, the more they'll begin to see the woman behind the mysterious exterior as she slowly lets her guard down around them and they grow closer to her.

Writing Masterlist 🐝 Requests Open!  Tag List 🐝 

[daemon-in-my-head]

1 and 7 for the new asks 😊

Thank you those are the spiciest ones lmfao. Answering my latest abomination.

1. Your hottest Durgetash take. The kinda heat Gortash had to endure in HoH. (But be respectful about it fellas, this means everyone)

I mean this in the nicest, most respectful way possible, but: the durge story line in game is absolute and utter trash I'm so sorry. The absolute lack of reactions from ur companions, the fact that there's no consequences from them except Wyll and the 2 guys you met literally 5 minutes ago, the sudden shift of tone in Act 3 when Durge remembers who they r and immediately goes 'I'm daddy's lil princess and yall can smd'. It's just infuriating atp. Like I love Durge and I do appreciate the vagueness cuz it allows for a lot of topics to be brought up but none of them r really tackled by a game thats praised for handling trauma in a tactful manner. They're made to be the laughing stock and comedic relief and honestly it's just distasteful when you recall that a lot of ppl with certain types of trauma or addiction issues can so greatly relate to them. There was a lot of dark shit they could've expressed with that origin. And they did. But it was cannibalism and necrophilia for the sake of sensationalism and slapstick comedy.

As for Gort it's the remote work I've talked about b4 lmao. They rly just banished the most powerful political leader of the Gate from the Gate and made him work remotely from a shabby fortress outside of the city he's ruling. I know why they did it, I can understand it, but it's still hilarious and probs a hot take cuz like yk that man wouldn't reside there if it wasn't for the scrapping of the upper city.

7. Would Orins premature death have impacted them and their dynamic? How? Why? Why not?

Okay, so first up, there's smth ya need to know to understand this. Elli had a sister, and even if they weren't blood related he considered his foster family to be his, well, family and loved them. And that man, at least pre tadpole, is pretty much aware of what happened when the urge awakened and how he's the very thing he couldn't protect his treasured people from, despite that being his greatest desire.

So in other words, he's 10000% projecting the sister he's killed onto Orin. He's lenient with her and protective over her. To him, she's the sister he could and will save. She's the last bit of family and treasured people he has left. So if anything were to happen to her, he'd snap. Because that man is utterly traumatised and he simply wouldn't be able to deal with another loss like that, but he's also the type to run away so he'd just become the perfect pretty puppet Bhaal would've always wanted and simply cease to exist as a person, wholly devoting himself to the plan just so he can escape this dreadful hell he's forced to live in ASAP. Which, in turn, would also destroy everything Gortash enjoyed about him. Elli would remove himself to the best of his ability and simply become someone following orders without thinking, smth Gortash enjoys in everyone but his equal, which would cause him to withdraw as well. They'd just kinda get miserable by themselves again, completely terminating whatever was before. Cuz Gort can't see Elli breaking to such a degree thx of his own issues and him being a permanent reminder that Gort himself isn't safe even after everything, and Elli simply has 0 capacity for any sort of attachments left. 'If he's gonna lose them anyway, might as well not forge them in the first place' kinda mindset.

Now, if Gortash somehow had his hands in that, and Elli would find out however... Well, Elli considers death to be a mercy, so Gort would probably live to see his age turn three digits, all while he suffers from the Bhaalspawn's wrath. Seeing all he's ever built crumble and fall for no other reason than the elfs spite and desire to destroy the one who took his sister. Like that man would grind Gort down to the point where Gort would even consider his time in HoH a walk in the park, all while Elli ruins himself as well cuz arguably the second he loses someone else he'd absolutely discard any attachments to life and staying alive too. His motivation to obey Bhaal was the promise of control and protection, and without someone left to protect, he'd have no reason left to make sure Bhaals plans don't go up in flames.

If he hadn't lost his memories Orin would still be alive nd thriving simply cuz Elli couldn't kill her and would instead either protect her or die for her sake, no doubt abt that.

[stxneflxwers]

The Nanny (pt. 1/?)

⋯⁂ Summary: Mr. Zhongli works at a quaint little daycare, and he’s the children’s favorite. Although, when you come by for the first time with your niece in tow, his curiosity about your anxiety around children has officially been piqued.

⋯⁂ a/n: hiiii this was inspired by a tiny set of asks at @zhongrin's a while back. i've only now gotten around to it lmao. i hope u guys like it! i plan to write more but we'll have to see if that'll work out or not.

⋯⁂ w.c: 717.

⋯⁂ characters: zhongli. gn reader. reader has a niece.

⋯⁂ cw: modern-ish au. reader is nervous around kids and lowkey generally anxious. sorta fluffy.

Mr. Zhongli has been a daycare attendant for quite some time now. He enjoys his job to the fullest—the little ones rarely fail to light up his day. Of course, some days are rougher than others—you can only do so much evading. But he's long since accepted the inevitabilities of life.

He took this job, figuring it'd be much easier than his former jobs. And thus far, he's been right. It is a lot easier for his historic heart, even a couple of years later after taking care of a variety of children from all kinds of backgrounds. To this day, he still enjoys his job—it somehow always brings a sun-kissed smile to his face.

To the average person, the days might blend in a little after a few weeks of working at the daycare. But, for him, he remembers every single day as clearly as the last one. It's his own little curse to bear and has been for an alarmingly long time. Yet, these little ones always make that curse much easier to bear in the long run.

Today was no different for him—people come and go to pick up their kids at various hours of the day. And the kids still adore his stories, at least when he uses simple words and no figures of speech. The less confusing the better. And finally, his deep yet gentle voice lulls many little ones to naptime. Is that his plan all along? He'll never confess.

Today was no different… Keyword: Was.

That's until you arrived during nap time with a sleepy toddler waddling next to you. You're holding your niece's hand while her spare hand rubs at her tired eyes. To Zhongli, she looks like she'll collapse at any moment. So, he speed-walks over to the doors where you entered.

"Hey there…" He greets, accidentally using his baby voice when he speaks. "Ahem—my apologies—good afternoon. You must be new?" He inquires with a soft yet firm voice.

"Y-Yeah, I am." You nod sheepishly. You look down at your niece, muttering her name, to which she doesn't bother responding. You sigh a little. "Uh… This is my niece… I'm babysitting her for, uh…a while… But, y'know… Work…" You sputter out awkwardly.

A nervous gulp restricts airflow when you notice all the tiny bodies of sleeping children behind the attendant. You want out as soon as possible. Children have never been your forte… Even getting along with your peers as a kid was difficult enough.

And Zhongli—while he won't admit it to anyone, especially not you—has never seen someone so fearful around kids. At least, not in this work field. You're the first.

Instead of responding verbally, he gives you a nod before approaching the little girl attached to you. He crouches down to her height, offering a welcoming hand to her—a hand that's gloved with black fabric hiding the old callouses of bygone years.

"Hello…" He speaks with a softer, warmer voice, "What's your name?"

Your niece sleepily tells him her name.

"What a pretty name." He smiles more, "Would you like to join the others in naptime? I'll even let you sleep a little extra—" She immediately runs away from you to rush over to his leg and hold it in her tiny, chubby arms. "Haha," He chuckles, "I will take that as a yes."

Leading her over to the area with all the other napping children, he hands her a fluffy blanket and pillow. She's hasty to flop down onto the floor in front of him and fall fast asleep.

You breathe a sigh of relief at the sight. And then you choke up again when he approaches you again at the door. Even though he's smiling and so very kind, you're not sure where to start let alone do.

"May I have your name? I will add both of your names to the sign-in book." He inquires, and once you tell him your first and last names, he swiftly adds them to the cute, stickered book at his desk.

"Uh…" You mutter, "I'll get out of your hair now…! Bye!" You choke out before nearly charging out of the building at the fastest walking speed he's ever seen.

"Goodbye—" He starts, but by the time he gets the whole word out, you're gone.

[naffeclipse]

Kind of bouncing off of the last ask you posted/answered, do the other glamrocks have parts in sleuth jesters? Besides Freddy, of course. What about the springlock and fnaf 1-4 models?

(Mainly asking about the springlocks bc I've been doodling an oc as if they were in the au and want to be at least a little accurate with their backstory, even if its just for funsies lmao)

For the glamrocks, I keep changing my mind about what they're doing as I don't have roles/storylines for them to be included in yet, except for one. I do, however, have plans for the Funtime animatronics in a possible Sleuth Jesters continuation, but that's all I'm going to say on that matter.

I don't have any thoughts on other fnaf models aside from what I mentioned above, so have fun with your OC! ♥

I have a lot of thoughts about Glamrock Bonnie for Sleuth Jesters, and oh boy, I'm gonna ramble about them here. Tucking it below the cut because it's a bit long! Content Warning for Pregnancy and Death.

Bonnie and Freddy were tight-knit and escaped into freedom together when animatronic rights were legally recognized. Freddy was very interested in politics and Bonnie set his sights on the justice system and the law itself. He studied and looked for every loophole and wrote as many letters as he had to, and finally managed to thrust himself into law school despite a lot of people not liking an animatronic among their students, but boy did he do it anyways.

He got his law degree and returned to the city with a lot of justice on his mind, alongside Freddy who was working his way into public roles within the community. Bonnie started working as a criminal defense lawyer and representing animatronics while navigating the very fresh, legal rights of his kind. He was helping everyone and anyone he could along the way.

There's a small story of Bonnie intervening on Sun's and Moon's behalf when they're unfairly hauled into a police station and interrogated because of Eclipse's gangster antics (before they join the police academy), but I'll save that for another time. In essence, Bonnie has met the celestial brothers. Sun and Moon like him. Eclipse does not.

It's amid these cases where he's fighting an entire system to give animatronics fair trials in a court of law that he incidentally meets a woman. She entered his office under the assumption that he was a divorce lawyer and seeking advice on how to go about such matters.

Bonnie's surprised by several things in this encounter, least of all the mistake of his specialty. Here's a human (pretty lady) who holds no pre-determined grudge or animosity toward his automaton existence, and she's rather occupied with her own troubles but very kind. When he explains that she came to the wrong place, she bursts into tears and confesses that she has no idea what to do because her husband abandoned her and she discovered not three days ago that she's pregnant.

Bonnie isn't one to shy away from complicated matters and the woman has been very sweet, so he comforts her. Ruby, as she later tells him when she's dabbing at her eyes with tissues, explains a little more about the situation. The good news is, Bonnie's certain she can get her marriage annulled as it was very recent and the circumstances are very dreadful. He gives her an address and a person to talk to, and he wishes her the best. As he watches her leave, he realizes that he would very much like to see her again, and Bonnie tells Freddy just as much later.

Freddy is supportive but also warns Bonnie to be careful. There are still a lot of people who aren't 'comfortable' with animatronics and it might be tumultuous to start a relationship with a human, if Ruby is so inclined, but Bonnie has never let anything stop him before.

Ruby was impressed by him despite the teary first meeting (much to Bonnie's delight and quiet relief). Though she was once bitten, twice shy due to her previous and now annulled relationship, and growing concerned that a man, whether organic or machine, wouldn't want anything to do with her since she's with child, Bonnie puts her fears to rest and promises that he will take care of her and the baby for eternity if she'll let him.

They become attached to one another pretty quickly. Bonnie is thoroughly smitten with his darling Ruby and supports their growing family. There are some incidents of outrage towards their relationship, some of which scare Ruby, but Bonnie's fur feathers are never ruffled even while he handles the verbal and sometimes physical reactions. Freddy is always there to lend a helping hand, too, and make sure Bonnie's family stays safe.

When Ruby has a healthy baby girl, Bonnie couldn't be prouder.

All the while, Bonnie is aiming higher in his career and sets his sights on becoming district attorney. He's certainly succeeded in enough cases to be considered for selection. It takes a staggering amount of time, but finally, when Freddy is running for Mayor, Bonnie has hope, and after Freddy wins, Bonnie is selected for district attorney.

Now in a great position to bring about change, Bonnie sees the city rotting with corruption and violence, and he knows exactly what he's going to do. He's going to pull injustice out by the roots.

He sets his sights on Eclipse and his gang.

This, one day, might be a little fic that I hopefully get to, but in short, Bonnie is the only one who successfully puts the mafia boss on trial. Eclipse finds it all very amusing, the court proceedings and whatnot, but Bonnie is the prosecutor and he intends to get Eclipse behind bars, where he belongs.

The tough thing is that Eclipse has never played fairly. With the vigilante and the detectives as witnesses among the spectators, Eclipse slips through justice's fingers and escapes punishment in a gloat to the city's legal system and as a testament to his power.

It's not long after that that Bonnie mysteriously disappears, leaving behind a wife and child. Rumors have it that Eclipse was not happy about being tried and they pity the brave but foolhardy district attorney for trying.

[whoslaurapalmer]

my cousin's wife came over today and we all talked a lot and. I do feel a little better. she was totally open to me owning a house and making that happen if that's what I really want. and lots of programs for low-income to apply to for help with bills. which like I knew existed but my mom and I never applied for them because we always combined our incomes so we always made too much for them. but I am eligibile! and that shouldn't feel scary bc that's literally what they're for. there are lots of things that are supposed to help and that can help. my mom also set her will up Perfectly so that anything we got would go into specific special needs trusts to not affect my brother or my's disability payments, which my cousin's wife will man

her: unless you don't want me to!! it's okay!!

me: well! I trust you!!

her: you got it!! but feel free to fire me too whenever you want girl it's all you and you got this!!

me: THANK YOU.........😭😭😭😭

we all went to the bank and got some stuff rolling for getting my accounts in only my name; there's a lot we can't do yet for various paperwork reasons but things we can do too. Phone calls my aunt can make and I can make. my mom also had a pension, of course, and there's a possibility it might be set up for survivor's benefits, which would. really help a lot too.

me: so you don't need my birth certificate?

the woman at the bank, who has clearly seen things in her time: oh no, but, like, thank you so, so much for bringing it.

my cousin's wife: omg of COURSE your mom rounded up in her bank records so she always had a cushion. god she was so smart

me: !!!!! 🥺🥺🥺...............

(my aunt: she didn't do it to the penny?????

me: nancy, YOUR mom does her bank records to the penny and has literally fucked up her records TWICE

anyway. consider rounding up in your personal bank records, so you always have a cushion. just like, remember there's a cushion, and add some of it back in sometimes!)

(also that made me feel really good. my mom always felt like. people judged her in the family for the way she handled money. and she wasn't always perfect at it either!! but she did a really good job!!!!!)

she also knows someone to help me pick a new insurance plan that will work the best for me. which is a relief. so I do feel. okay. MORE OKAY THAN CRYING ABOUT DETERGENT, SO!!!!! it's. it's gonna be okay. my brother and I had a really fun dinner (egg salad but we both went in different directions with what we added to it so that was nice). I asked best friend to hang out soon. loss is still like. a literal knife in me it's been six days and I want. to show my mom the new cake pusheens (I showed my brother, but he does not have a Cuteness Radar). I want to reread fruits basket but I don't think I can right now. I get anxious and I have to convince myself I'm okay instead of asking her. but that was something I'd been working on doing for the past year and she was really proud of me and I can like. picture the little wave we'd give each other sometimes while sitting in the living room together. I found a video she recorded of me on her phone last year when we were talking and I love that video a lot. my brother is loading the dishwasher so I don't have to. I got to sing today when he went home for a while and that was nice!! I want to look at my fanfic and finally reblog everything for woevember. I miss my mom. just writing mom is hard. and that's okay. tomorrow still happens.

and I did message my sister, because my brother submitted the obituary today and i wanted to tell her before any of her friends back here mightve seen it and talked to her, on that incredibly off chance. and I did include my mildly scathing sentences, which my brother approved of. and then I blocked her. because I do not have to have her in my life! which! my mom was also fine with!!

aunt linda: you know, it happens in every generation of the vandelays, back to my grandfather. someone just winds up not talking to someone else in the family!! (her own son has not spoken to her for 22 years.)

me: i.....................feel like that's reaching curse standards.

aunt linda got way too excited about that. thanks aunt linda!! 💖

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

At Your Door- Vandergerd

Based on these two drabbles from a while back, this fic is finally done! Thanks to everyone who convinced me to continue this on <3

Read on ao3

"You're beautiful, you know that, right?"

"Wait, what did you just say?" Vivian turned to the computer screen, holding a cat in her arms. She originally meant to show off the new collar she bought for Apple, but now she had bigger things to discuss.

Irma's eyes widened as they realized they weren't as muted as they thought. 

"Shit-Sorry, I thought I was muted." Irma quickly said as the panic settled into the pit of their stomach. 

They've had a crush on their online friend for several months. But they’ve only recently accepted that they had a crush on someone who lived on the other side of the country. 

They've gotten close to Vivian after they met through being added to a mutual friend's Discord server. Soon they added each other on other social media and DM'd each other almost every day.

Vivian shook her head slowly, putting Apple back on the floor. "No, I heard you. Did you just say that I'm beautiful?" 

Irma was now extremely thankful that it was just the two of them in the server’s voice chat. All of their friends who were chatting before had left to go to bed a couple of hours before, leaving Irma and Vivian alone together. 

They usually liked having time with only Vivian online, and they could talk about whatever they wanted. 

Except right now, this was not the time at all they wanted to be alone with her. 

"I-Um..." they stuttered, thinking of a quick excuse to escape this awkward moment. They looked at the closed door of the bedroom and pretended someone walked in. 

"My roommate wants something, I'll talk to you later!" Irma said as they scrambled to turn off their camera and mic and leave the voice chat.

"But I thought you lived alone-" Vivian's concerned voice cut off as Irma let out a sigh of relief. After switching their status to 'Do Not Disturb'  and turning off Discord notifications on their phone (for good measure), Irma sank into their barely-made bed. 

"What the hell did I get myself into?" they said as they put their head in their hands, talking to their imaginary roommate. 

Eventually, sleep took over, and they hoped that they would make a better plan in the morning to deal with the fact that they just called their crush beautiful.

Viv may blame it on staying up too late and completely forget about it. Right?

"Truly, a flawless plan."

"What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean by that is that you have no plan!" Gisèle said as she dropped her head into her open hand. Sighing, she looked at Vivian in front of her "Okay, let's go over this one more time, and maybe it will make sense to me."

"I'm flying to the East Coast, and I'm going to find wherever Irma lives and ask them why they called me beautiful the other night," Vivian explained like it was easy for anyone else to understand her logic.

"How do you know where they live? You've only met them in person once." Gisèle asked, trying to remain calm.

"I sent them a poster for their birthday last year, so I'll go to that address."

"And you don't think they might assume you to be a stalker or anything if you show up unannounced?"

Vivian shrugged. "I don't have any other choice. They refuse to answer my messages, and nobody else on the server has talked with them."

"Tell me you at least have a hotel booked or something when you get there," Gisèle asked, hoping that her friend put some thought into this.

Vivian shook her head, "I was hoping that Irma would let me crash on their couch or something." she said sheepishly.

She sighed again, "I have some Expedia points you can use. Just in case you need an actual lodging option."

"Thank you." Vivian smiled and checked the time on her phone. "So you can watch my cats while I'm gone?"

Gisèle nodded with a gentle smile on her face. Her friend might not think things through, but she knew Vivian's heart was in the right place. "Of course, I can do that for you. When should I come over?"

"My flight leaves in a couple of hours, so tonight?" she offered.

Gisèle sighed once again but smiled at Vivian, "A little short notice, but you better come back as Irma's girlfriend."

Vivian was exhausted after navigating the airports, sitting in a cramped economy seat, and giving the confused Uber driver directions to a place she had never seen before. 

All she wanted to do was go to her hotel room, shower, and order whatever takeout restaurant delivered the fastest. But she had to try to talk to Irma first.

Traveling across the country took close to the whole day. The sun was getting close to setting outside the correct building Vivian spent ten minutes searching for. Today felt like the longest day of her life, but the hard part had yet to come. 

Vivian stood in the hallway, triple-checking that 307 was the right door she should be knocking on, and hoped that Irma was home right now. 

Pushing down her anxieties with a deep inhale, she knocked on the door, but it was too soft for anyone to hear. 

“Come on, Viv. You can knock on a door.” She said to herself quietly, still standing alone in the hallway. She shook her arms at her sides, wiggling her fingers to shake out the nerves. 

This time, she knocked on the door harder and more urgently. Vivian heard the television mute and footsteps on the other side of the door, and the deadbolt turned inside to be unlocked. 

Irma looked like they hadn’t seen the sun in person in the past few days. They had bags under their eyes, and their dark roots were visible on the top of their head. Upon seeing Vivian, Irma’s eyes grew in confusion and panic. 

“W-What are you doing here?” they stuttered out hand still on the doorknob. 

“We need to talk about what you said the other night,” Vivian said in her best stern tone. She tried her best to sound serious so that Irma would at least let her inside. 

Irma shook their head, “No, we don’t, that’s okay. Goodbye.” they quickly said as they tried to shut the door, but Vivian’s foot prevented that from happening.

The two stared at each other silently for a moment through the small opening of the door until Vivian decided to be the one to break the ice. “Please?”

Irma pursed their lips before answering, “Fine, we can talk.”

“Good, because you’re hurting my foot.” 

“Oh shit, sorry.” 

Several minutes later, both were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. This is what Vivian was working up the courage all day for. But now that she’s here, she has no idea what to say.

Irma didn’t know where to start either, so she felt better about that, at least. 

“So…Who’s watching your cats?” Irma asked, glancing over to the blonde. 

“Gisèle, I think I showed you pictures of her with me before,” Vivian answered, trying not to pick at the skin of her nails. 

“Wasn’t she the one you had brought on voice call before?”

She thought for a moment as she remembered when Gisèle spent the night a few months before, “Yeah, that’s her.” 

“She seems ni-” Irma was interrupted by the attempt of small talk.

“Why did you call me beautiful?” Vivian quickly asked, wanting to cut to the chase already. She wasn’t sure if it was the nerves or not having real food in the past six hours that caused her impulsiveness. 

Irma’s eyes grew in panic as they tried to scramble for an answer, “Because uh- Because you are?” they said, unsure of what else they could say.

“You think so?” Vivian asked, slowly gathering the courage to look at Irma. “Does that mean that you like me? Like a crush?”

“I-I mean- I do like you a lot, but I never really-” Irma rambled out before Vivian scooted closer to them on the couch. 

“Because I’ve liked you as more than a friend for months.” Vivian blurted out loud as she got Irma’s wide-eyed stare in return. 

“You do?”

She never realized it until she thought about the video call from a few nights before that she had a crush on her friend. The way she smiles when Irma sends her memes out of the blue. Or whenever they sent her heart emojis, she wanted to screenshot every message. Maybe it was the good morning messages she woke up to every morning. 

She nodded, “Yes, but if you aren’t ready to talk about-” 

This time, Vivian was the one who got interrupted by a pair of lips crashing into her own. Their first kiss was nothing like she had with other people she dated. It felt urgent and needy, but she felt herself melting into the kiss. 

She felt Irma pull away, but their hands rested on her waist. “I like you more than a friend too,” they said, finally looking relaxed for the first time that evening. “But I probably should have asked to kiss you before I did that,” they admitted as their cheeks grew pink. 

“It’s okay, but maybe you can take me on a date while I’m still in town?” she offered. 

“Let me think of some good places, and I’ll pick you up in the morning.” 

(And to Gisèle’s satisfaction, Vivian did come back as Irma’s girlfriend.)

[jinmukangwrites]

Weep little lion man (2/14)

First-previous-next

Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order/Survivor Rating: T Warnings: kidnapping, minor discrimination of injury Ao3 Notes: update schedule for every Thursday somehow going strong. Hopefully I keep on track for next week.

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-------

Bode told Kata to pack. Even as he walks into Denvik's office, he can hardly believe it.

He feels like he's living in a daze, walking in a dream. He... actually did that. He has the compass, Kata packing, Denvik none-the-wiser...

And Cal stuffed into the small storage compartment of his fighter jet.

That last one wasn't a part of the plan. The plan was to convince Cal out of giving the compass to the hidden path, or maybe go on a solo "scouting mission" with Cal to Tanalor and reveal everything then. What he just did was impulsive. Foolish. Once Cal wakes up long enough to process everything he's going to hate Bode, he's sure.

But it'll be worth it.

He'd rather have Kata lonely if it means she's safe.

He'd rather have Cal hate him if it means he's alive.

"It's not often you visit in person, Bode," Denvik says, leaning back in his chair with his hands folded neatly on the table. "Something must be important. Tell me, how's the mission? Good news I trust."

"Plans have changed," Bode says. "In our favor."

Denvik grins; predatorial, stomach-churning. "Do tell."

"Kestis had an argument with the rest of his crew," Bode begins the hastily put together lie. "He's planning on returning to Saw Gerrera to work off some steam."

"And how is this in our favor?"

"Cere Junda is not the only one you want, yeah?" Bode says, and Denvik's smile sharpens. "Kestis is in a position right now where he's cut communications with his friends. If he goes, let's say, missing, no one will notice until it's too late."

"That certainly is a development..." Denvik says coyly. "What was the nature of the argument?"

Bode shrugs. "Same thing that caused them to split in the first place. Kestis has made it his life's goal to resist the Empire, the others can't match the mindset. He thinks they're doing nothing, and he wants to feel useful."

"Interesting," Denvik says, "however, this could still be a risk to the operation. The Jedha invasion is not for a few more months, so much could go wrong in that time."

"We have to act soon," Bode insists. "A few months is risky, but he'll be back with Gerrera in a few weeks. It'll be impossible to get him after that, especially once he finds out about the assault on Jedha. Besides, I know what you plan to do with him, you might even be able to have an extra soldier for the attack. All I'm asking for is some... proper equipment for capturing a Jedi. I'm sure you have some Force resistant stuff."

"Oh I do," Denvik assures. "I'm still not convinced this is worth the risk, however."

"You want Kestis under your control don't you?" Bode asks perhaps a bit too coldly, but Denvik doesn't waver. "I'm close to giving you just that. Give me the things I need and he'll be your pet, not Vader's. Surely you know how useful a Jedi under your control is. Imagine having two."

Denvik doesn't say anything as one hand raises to his chin in thought. He stays silent for a few moments, before he looks Bode in the eyes. "And it will not affect the Jedha invasion?"

"On my word."

"And on Kata's safety?"

Bode bristles. "I wouldn't suggest it if that was in the question."

Denvik takes another moment, then he nods. "Very well. I'll see to it you have access to all the equipment you need. I expect results, and quickly."

"You'll get them," Bode assures, careful to not release a breath of relief quite yet. "Trust me, this'll go off without a hitch."

-o-o-o-o-

As much as he wants to, he doesn't go to Kata right away. It's been a long while since he's last seen her in person, but he has other things to do right now. What's a few hours added to weeks of waiting?

No one stops him as he travels through the halls of the ISB base, Denvik had already given orders to let him through without question. Various trooper helmets do watch him as he passes, however it doesn't bug him none. For all they knew, he's just another bounty hunter working for the IBS. For all they cared, he's just an order to follow.

There's no one in the supply rooms besides a few guards posted at the door, so he practically has the lines of shelves all to himself. He passes by the various stored weapons, armors, and tools until he gets to where the more useful stuff is. Restraints, ration supplies, survival gear.

He drops a duffle onto a nearby counter and begins gathering what he needs. He goes to the food supply first. He didn't get much from Zee's head about Tanalor, but he at least knows that there is local wildlife that are safe for domestication and consumption. The soil is good for plant growth, and even has local edible species of its own. The problem is that starting up a renewable food supply on an uninhabited planet would take time, so a few months' rations should do them just fine for the time being. Then, he goes to the gear, grabbing blankets and hydrophobic gear and some rope, first-aid.

He grabs other supplies here and there, things he doesn't quite know if he'd need but doesn't hurt to anyways. He only realizes as he's trying to stuff a fire-starter into his bag that he's... procrastinating.

He forces himself to look at the restraints. All shapes and forms stare back. Cuffs for various sizes of sapients. Collars. Muzzles. Some look quite simple, others look like they're made to be painful.

The sight makes him sick.

He's pretty sure the adrenaline was the only thing that made it possible for him to restrain Cal in the first place with his makeshift bindings. Somehow, imagining these... things... locked around Cal... it all feels so much more serious.

He almost wishes there was another way. That Cal didn't care so much. That Bode didn't care so much. He wishes Cal took the options Bode tried to give him. He wishes he never started to worry for Cal's well-being.

Most of all, he wishes that he could go back to his ship, untie Cal, and have Cal understand what he was trying to do here. The good he's trying to do. He doesn't want to restrain and imprison his best friend. The thought makes him sick.

But he has to do what he must. It's only a precaution. Once they're safe on Tanalor, then he can take the restraints off when Cal realizes the situation he's in. This is just to make sure he keeps secure until then, so that he won't attack Bode or stars-forbid Kata.

Kata.

Bode has to make sure Kata doesn't know about this quite yet either. When he introduces them to each other, he needs it to be under Cal's free will. Kata can't know about this, she's a pure soul and she might not understand if he shows her the unconscious body he has in the storage compartment.

He forces himself to move robotically, tactically.

He grabs the things strong enough to hinder a Jedi, and a few worst-case-scenarios. Before he leaves, he grabs a handful of tranquilizers, stuffs it in his duffle, then leaves before regret can catch up with him.

-o-o-o-o-

He's never been more glad for a private hanger to park his ship. There's no guards, no droids, to watch as he approaches his ship and double checks he parked it strategically enough to hide the cargo-hatch from view of the one camera located near the airlock.

Once he's satisfied nothing will catch him off guard, he approaches the hatch and stops to listen for a few loud heartbeats.

He hears nothing, no shifting, no shouts. Nothing.

He takes a deep breath, then opens the hatch.

The sight that greets him is like a punch to the gut. Cal is almost exactly how he left him; stuffed into the compartment, bound hand, arm, knee, ankle. He's curled up in a way that Bode definitely doesn't think would be comfortable, even for a guy half his own size, but it's the only way he could get Cal on the ship other than having the poor guy sit in Bode's lap as he flies. And well, considering how angry Cal might be once he's awake it would be a horrible idea to do that.

So yeah, the sight that greets him is a punch to the gut, but it's also exactly what he was expecting to see. His eyes are still closed, even.

That makes it a bit easier for Bode's sake-of-mind to place down his duffle and dig out various medical tools and a knife.

He begins by carefully cutting the makeshift rope around Cal's knees, however he pauses when Cal suddenly shifts and groans when Bode tries to get at the blaster wound.

He watched Cal's face, heart drilling into his ears, as Cal's eyelids squeeze and another grunt leaves his slightly parted lips. His arms tense... and then he falls still.

Bode knows how light of a sleeper Cal is, but he also knows what a blaster-grip to the forehead could do to a bastard. So either Cal is starting to wake up naturally, or his knee really hurts.

He considers his options but only for a moment. He can't have Cal waking up too early.

He reaches into the duffle and grabs one of the tranquilizers, bending his upper-body into the compartment to press the tranquilizer into the crook of Cal's exposed neck, just below the corner of his jaw.

The prick of the needle has Cal flinching, his breath catching as his eyes fly open.

Bode can't move as Cal startles, eyes flickering wildly. His hand is still under Cal's jaw, and it's like he's been frozen in carbonite as Cal meets his eyes for just a moment. His lips groggily move, his eyelids flickering and closing more and more each time as the tranquilizer takes hold.

"B-Bode..."

And he's out.

Bode stays still for a few moments before he releases a breath.

Get back to work, soldier.

He returns to working on Cal's knee, cutting away the rest of the bindings and some of his singed pants, rubbing bacta on the wound before wrapping it. He doesn't have enough light to see the full damage of the wound, but he'll get more time to check again later once they're on Tanalor.

Once they're on Tanalor.

Free from the Empire.

He swallows, the thoughts euphoric despite how his current actions feel like poison.

He moves on to cutting the rest of the bindings, taking some time to rub Cal's limp wrists where the bindings had dug into his skin before stepping back and... and reaching into the duffle to pull out a simple pair of silver Force-suppressant cuffs.

He takes a deep breath, then maneuvers Cal's arms back behind his back and locks them in place with two twin clicks. Then, it's just a matter of replacing the makeshift with the official.

Soon enough, Cal's arms are not only behind his back, but also his elbows are roped to his sides to prevent Cal getting his hands in front of him. His ankles are shackled, however this time Bode ties his legs together at the shins and thighs to avoid rubbing on the bandages with more rope. Bode feels horrible adding so many restraints, but he out of anyone should know what is needed to properly restrain a persistent Jedi.

Then, once he's no longer restraining Cal's limbs, he moves on to unbutton the collar of Cal's jacket and inspect the lightsaber wound. Even in the dim light of the compartment it doesn't look pretty. The edges of skin around the wound are blistered and irritatedly-red, too red for Cal's skin-tone. He doesn't see any infection, but if left untreated the possibility of one forming is likely. He would curse Dagan Gera's name as he spreads bacta across Cal's chest and tapes on bandages, but as his eyes travel down to his knee, then to his temple, he decides that now isn't the time for hypocrisy.

Not when everything feels so much like regret.

After securing the bandages on his chest, Bode finishes up by adding more bacta to Cal's forehead. He didn't break skin with the blow, but it is bruising. He doesn't think there will be a concussion to worry about but the risk is always there no matter how careful you are.

While spreading the bacta along Cal's temple—the wound he gave him—his eyes can't help but trail down to the constellations of topaz decorating his face. The freckles, Bode's sure, cover every square inch of his body, but seeing them up close like this is like seeing the entire Galaxy from space for the first time.

He blinks, then clears his throat despite no one, not even Cal, being there to witness the moment of... whatever that was.

Get it together Bode, he thinks, finishing spreading the bacta and wiping his hands off on a cloth before stepping back from Cal's prone form.

He looks down to the duffle then sighs.

One last thing.

Sitting neatly at the top of the duffle are two last restraints, though only one will have to be used. He doesn't know Cal's tolerance for tranquilizers, and while a single dosage should keep him out for twelve standard hours, the trip back to Koboh, to Tanalor would take just about that time if not longer.

He can't have Cal waking up and trying to shout while he's flying, not when Kata should remain ignorant of his presence for the time being. He fights off a wave of nausea as he lifts the Imperial-grade muzzle sized perfectly for the facial structure of humans and other sapients of similar build, meant to gag and silence. It latches behind his head, locking in place over his nose, jaw, lips, chin; shaped similar to a work mask or a mask for the sick and contagious, but the material is metallic and seals perfectly to the skin.

The second, Bode swears to himself, the second Kata is safely out of earshot on Tanalor, he will remove the muzzle and hopefully never find the need for it again. This is his best friend and he's demeaned him down to a beast, a wild feral mutt. He almost considers taking the muzzle off—his stomach hurts and it looks so wrong on him—but he knows he doesn't have any better options.

The second piece of equipment... the collar is programmed to recognize measurable shifts in the Force then promptly punish its wearer in the form of electric bursts. However the function isn't reliable, and the electric burns are brutal; the collar is more useful for its second purpose. There's a small compartment where the right corner of the wearer's jaw would be, where one could insert whatever drug, or poison, into the collar and have the collar itself track and administer doses on its own.

The collar's shock function doesn't sense the Force well, not as well as the IBS would hope, but the ability to administer hands-free sedation or depressants keeps a Jedi wearer subdued enough to not be able to use the Force advantageously anyways.

Bode grabbed it as a worst-case-scenario.

As useful as it would be to have more tranquilizers automatically put into Cal's system as Bode's flying to Tanalor as the first dose wears off, he doesn't want to humiliate Cal with the indignity of a collar, even when he's unconscious. He'd rather Cal come-to earlier than planned, but be silenced by the gag and too restrained to make much sound that way.

Besides, tranquilizers aren't fun to wake up from, let alone after multiple doses. Bode's also not sure when the last time Cal ate or drank was, and a second dose would knock him out far longer than what Bode would like.

As much as it looks like it, he doesn't want Cal to be miserable. If Bode had confidence Cal wouldn't try to fight back, take away the Compass and probably try to kill Bode in the process, then he would have gladly not even have considered going this far in restraints.

Cal can be angry with Bode. He can hate Bode. He can kick, scream at, fight, insult Bode all he wants. Kriff, he really could try and kill Bode. Bode deserves it; but he has a daughter to protect. Kata is number one. Bode will make sure nothing can hurt himself so nothing can hurt her. So, for now, until he and Cal can come to some sort of understanding or truce on Tanalor, it's going to have to be this way.

He stuffs the previously removed makeshift bindings into the duffle—so anyone who happens to be checking the camera for this hanger doesn't wonder why he has a bunch of torn up cloth—then seals the duffle. He pushes it into the storage compartment next to Cal's unconscious, restrained, muzzled form, and then forces himself to close the compartment.

He stares at the latch for a moment, letting out a breath he has no idea how long he's been holding.

Next step. He needs to move on to the next step. It's nearly impossible to turn his heels from the ship, like he's stepped in a puddle of tar dragged into the Saloon or into the Mantis by none other than the person he now holds captive.

But he turns anyway. Kata will need his help finishing packing up, then, they can go before Danvik is any wiser. Besides, there's two trackers in his pocket he needs to plant before leaving.

-o-o-o-o-

"I can't find Mookie," Kata whines, searching around the sofas and her little play corner.

Bode laughs quietly to himself. Seeing her again in person, to hold her in his arms, it's made everything worth it. That shame, the regret, the fear of losing his best friend, it's nothing compared to seeing her smile, or the way her nose wrinkles when she's thinking hard like her mother had always done, or hearing the frustration in her voice as she searches in all the wrong places for her favorite stuffed animal that usually always ends up in the same place.

Bode kneels under the central control board and lo-and-behold, there it is. He grabs the little plush and straightens back up, his fingers rubbing the soft synthetic fibers that make the orange halo of hair around the creature's blue head. He chuckles, stepping towards Kata before kneeling to be at her eye-level. "You know," he says, "I have a friend who looks like this."

Her nose wrinkles as she takes the plush into her hands. "On your super secret missions?"

He nods, crossing his arms and resting them on his forward bent knee. "Maybe you'll meet him someday."

Her eyes brighten at that, and his chest fills with warmth. She looks down at the plush and pulls on its horns.

He stands and ruffles her hair. "C'mon kid, we've got places to be."

She grins at him, then rushes back to her bag to finish packing her meager belongings. While she does that, he reaches into his pockets and pulls out two locator devices. He hadn't forgotten about them when he took Cal, and honestly he's not sure if one is able to be tracked without the other. Yet it doesn't hurt to have a backup plan. If any of Cal's friends survive whatever is about to happen on Jedha, then they'll come looking for Cal... if they're not already looking for him. If they manage to track these locators, it'll lead them to where he can kill two birds with one stone.

Denvik and the rest of Cal's crew would tear each other apart.

And Bode, Kata, and Cal?

They'll be long gone.

He places them both on the center console, going as far as to hook one up into it and allow it into the IBS system. If anyone's looking for the signal, it being connected to a minor IBS base should make it all the easier to track.

"Come on, princess," he says as he finishes his minor task. She zips up her travel bag and gives him a soft smile, clutching Mookie to her chest. "We got to travel one last time, okay?"

She nods. "Okay."

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

I saw a recent ask inquiring if Lily was going to do a re-write of The Owl House in a way similar to TSR. Luckily, Lily's reply indicates that she isn't planning to. HONESTLY WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF. Pardon the French, but I would never want someone like Lily to ever make their own version of The Owl House.

To summarize my main points on why I don't think she could do better with this show: she is far too bitter to re-write this show (I undoubtedly believe that she would make things too mean-spirited), the way she would butcher everyone's characters from Luz to Belos because she doesn't even have a surface level understanding of them, how she would try to take away the high stakes of the show that involves the Day of Unity despite this probably being the best condemnation I have seen in recent media of Christian cults and cultural genocide, how she wouldn't care for the world building even though it was organic and well-done, the clear disrespect she would show to the animation in this cartoon (which I know medium of fanfiction can't give the same respect to that aspect but somehow I think she would still be snide in someway), also the show is far too smartly written - it might be the smartest written children's show in the past decade - and Lily just is not as clever as she pretends to be, and I don't know for sure if Lily has any admiration for horror as a genre, but the impression I'm getting is that she probably considers it beneath her and The Owl House is, partially, a horror series.

BUT MOST EGREGIOUS in my personal opinion is that if Lily was to try to do this, she just couldn't. Because see the basis of The Owl House is to embrace your weirdness. To love the unconventional. To indulge in all things that conformity would hate. As long as something made you happy, it doesn't matter how other people perceive it, it was worth pursuing. And no matter what, Lily cannot write with that message. She is a fan of the standard and is quick to beat down the innovative. She is a person who not only prefers the cookie-cutter things of life, but does everything in her power to keep it so. She hates people who are different, things that are different, stories and love that are different and if she could she would get rid of all of it. Lily could NEVER improve on this series that so unabashedly loves the weird, the queer and the strange so earnestly.

And I like to think that Lily knows that. That she actually stands for everything The Owl House fights against.

Sorry I needed to get that off my chest

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