#midwiferies

[pseudowho]

"Good girl-- good girl, that's it! Listen to your body."

A bag full of snacks, and books, and massage oils, all woefully surplus to requirements, flung to the side of the room. The dappled reflection of under-lit water on the dark ceiling. A stack of warm towels. A tiny woollen hat. A little trolley of equipment; a calm attendant wearing smiles and blue.

Kento, knelt at the edge of the pool, his shirtsleeves soaked to the shoulder. One thick arm looped around your neck and chest as if he meant to throttle you, when really, he just needed to be held. Or, did you need to be held? The paired clinging comfort to be found in the gloom of fear, was not mutually exclusive, it seemed.

"Amazing work...you're doing so well, sweetheart...just going to listen to the baby's heart..."

Your heart and Kento's pounded in tandem, almost as fast as the little pwssh-pwssh-pwssh-pwssh of your baby's heart, tinny on the Doppler, as the midwife's hand swished through the water. Kento whispered to you, his cheek clasped to your temple, sweatslick hair sticking you together.

"Our baby-- that's our baby-- god I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I wish I could do this for you--"

You gasped, splashing legs clamouring for resistance against the edge of the pool, writhing back against Kento. Kento's face crumpled, his teeth gritting so hard against your agony, they crunched.

You bellowed, another contraction roaring through you like wildfire, and you gripped Kento's arm. Your scream became a roar as you pushed, absurdly, overwhelmingly dragged from your body by a brutal force of nature. You barely heard Kento's hushed rumble, through the haze of blinding pain.

"...can do it, you can do it, you're so strong-- not long now-- nearly here, they're nearly here, our baby--"

You gasped again, seeing stars for a moment, surely being cleaved in half and you panicked, crying out and digging your nails in. Kento didn't care, surely deserving this, certain your nails didn't sting as much as the stretch you felt stung. You babbled at Kento and the midwife, pleading, bargaining.

"I can't do it anymore-- please don't make me, please please--"

"You're doing it, sweetheart. The biggest part of the head is coming with the next push-- with the next one, just listen to me, and breathe. No pushing. Just little breaths."

You looked up at Kento, your eyes feverish with the love that ripped you asunder. Kento nodded, trusting you, trying to hide the fear and miserable male helplessness and uselessness that threatened to fill him with violence, if he did not cling so desperately to being gentle instead.

Kento felt you tense; another pain peaking as you shook your head, sobbing so briefly, only to be replaced by gritted resolution. Kento saw the fire in your eyes as you began to roar, and thought his heart may break with the weight of his adoration.

Kento grasped you close, your fingers plaited together. He whispered to you as you trembled, fighting against nature as your body pushed for you.

"...that's it-- that's it-- just breathe, little breaths, little breaths-- I know it stings, good girl, good girl-- and the head's out!"

Kento's heart stopped, to see the crest of a little head, its soft waves of hair swishing in the birthing pool. Invigorated by thrill, almost weeping with excitement, he whispered to you, heated and trembling.

"--oh god-- right there, they're right there-- nearly got them, we'll know what we've got--"

"Just one more big push, sweetheart-- one big push with the next contraction, and your baby's here--"

Almost ten months of blooming and worry and scans and building and laughing and crying and aching and fearing, all ended in one enormous push, and a whoosh, and a cry...

...and a cry, wet and sweet and crumpled and on your chest, mother and child still bound together by the string of life.

Kento buckled against the side of the pool. Still he held you, looking down at you, looking down at your baby, blue and angry and baleful at having been shoved into the world from their warm dark kingdom.

Arms replaced the womb, and Kento huffed a couple of great sobs to hear you babble love at your scrumply flailing babe.

"--oh my god-- oh you're so beautiful-- oh, mummy loves you-- daddy loves you--"

Daddy. Kento almost buckled again, nuzzling his tears away into your hair, smothering your sweaty cheeks with kisses and relief. His voice was thick with joy, the fever of pain in your eyes replaced with elation, clasping the boon of a champion within your arms.

"Thank you. I can't...I can't thank you-- I-- love you, love you both so much--"

You gazed up at Kento, basking, your eyes glazed. "Kento...Ken...what have we got? Tell me-- tell me what we've got."

Kento sniffled, looking at the midwife as if for permission. She looked on, an enamoured, privileged bystander, and nodded encouragingly to Kento. Kento leaned over you, gently lifting his baby's legs apart, peering under the cord.

He huffed a single wet laugh, and looked at you, honey-brown eyes rimmed red. Kento's voice was gravelly as he stroked your hair back, to your wondrous grin.

"You were right, lover...as always."

[innefableidiot]

A bit more of duck omens, it kinda felt like a crime to not make this but I would be glad to introduce:

BILDUCK THE SHUHITE

[feminist-furby-freak]

There is something particularly offensive about TIMs calling their surgical fuckhole ("""neov*gina""") a vagina.

Vaginas are amazing! Not only do they stretch to allow for childbirth and generally return back to their pre-pregnancy state (incredible!!!) but they are self-lubricating, they expand and dilate during sexual arousal, they are self-cleaning, they have their own unique ecosystem, they change based off of a woman's menstrual cycle.

There is no organ like it. The vagina is truly "the stuff of life." To compare a wound made out of the rectum or a mutilated inverted penis to the miraculous vagina is so sexist and insulting. Your """v*gina""" is a numb, infected, receptacle for a penis. Mine is one of the most intricate and versatile human organs. Stay jealous. They are totally incomparable. To say that they are similar is to reduce the vagina to fuck hole. It is so much more!!!

Anyway I love vaginas and hate TIMs <3

[diazsdimples]

Successfully delivered 13 babies all on my own 😎

[thetimeicansee]

They are arresting Midwives.

[thestarlightforge]

Agatha left Jennifer alone because she was doing “the real work.” Not just as a witch, but as an 11th generation root worker and midwife.

Because if she’d had a Jen instead of being isolated and alone, Nicky might have had a chance.

[hella1975]

BRUH

you hate to see a bitch be confusing and inconsistent

[edwardseymour]

"Given the marathon that Jane’s uterus had just been through, it’s likely that her uterus would have a reduced capacity to contract and effectively expel the after-birth contents of her uterus; lengthy labours tend to shred the membranes, especially if, like Jane, her membranes had ruptured early in her labour. I believe that here is where the best intentions again contributed to disastrous consequences. Wanting to ensure the best possible outcome, Henry bucked confinement tradition by inviting male physicians into Jane’s lying-in chamber. While we might see a physician’s help as a good thing, please keep in mind that Tudor era physicians weren’t trained in obstetrics. Had Jane’s immediate postpartum been similar to the above description, a physician would likely not have been well-versed in how to manage it. Had the midwives noticed retained tissue, they probably would have known to remove the offending product, manually if necessary, causing Jane further discomfort. To a Tudor physician, this would have been appalling, and protocol dictated that the physicians had seniority. Had they forbade an intervention, it would not have occurred."

— Dayna Goodchild, Jane Seymour and the Birth of Edward VI: A Midwife's Opinion

[aredphoxxart]

[ask-jiro-kirisaki]

Yuri has been working for days straight, putting it off every time Jiro asks when he's going to bed. Every time he seems to hit his breaking point, he gains another surge of energy. But today...Yuri glances up at him and squints at the paperwork in front of him blearily, "Jiro. We've spoken of the future before. About after this. About..." There was no gentle way to broach the subject plaguing him, especially not with his head this muddled, "about children. I've already drawn up concepts for the mechanisms needed to make it a reality, externally, but..." Why couldn't he get the words out? "If....we couldn't make it external, hypothetically..." He caps his pen, uncaps it, caps it, uncaps it, "hypothetically, if the children required a living host, that is...if..." Why is he even asking this? "You said I was the more feminine one of us. If it came to it, hypothetically speaking...would you be willing to let me? Would you....never mind, this entire subject is stupid, isn't it?" @ask-doctor-isami

He's silent for a brief moment - taken aback by the question that seems to have been plaguing his dear partner. "Is that what's been bothering you?" Jiro's voice is soft as he leans over the desk. A gentle hand reaches out to card through teal locks. It was unusual for Yuri to leave Jiro to sleep on his own these days. The captain also appeared distracted lately. While he knew something was on his mind, Jiro knew better than to try to force him to talk. The proud man would never admit to it - at least until he was ready to talk. "It's not stupid at all. These are the sorts of things long-term partners discuss, right?" Taking both hands into his - pen and all - he brings one to his lips, pressing a reassuring kiss there. "It's not something we've been able to discuss at length, but if the plan is to cure me first, I don't see any problem with that - If that's what you want of course." While the device would be the most practical, there was something about a natural pregnancy that had its merits as well. The first is quite obvious. Making the baby is the most fun portion. The rest though, had its challenges. But is it really much different than now? While Jiro is still able to work, Yuri still needs to care for him. If Yuri were to act as a host, their roles would be reversed, but Jiro sees no issue with this. "I'll be more than willing to cover for your maternity. Paternity? At any rate, if it comes to that, I promise I'll take care of you." If he ever needed to care for Yuri, he'd gladly do anything and everything in his power - just as Yuri does for him. "I find nothing wrong with planning. We have to account for every possible scenario. I'm just surprised you're thinking about our formerly hypothetical children."

[psychopomparia]

I thought this said Intellectual Malewifery

[innefableidiot]

If you're ever feeling sad just remember that bildad the shuhite is always proud

HAPPY SHUHITE SUNDAY

[diazsdimples]

I've officially had 12 babies and I'm delighted! My end of year goal was 10 and I exceeded it!!! Manifest for one more this shift pls 🕯🕯🕯

[knithacker]

She Crocheted Childbirth Birth Teaching Aids - Set Includes a Uterus, Placenta, Baby and Umbilical Cord: 👉 https://buff.ly/2XcpgKR

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

since we're in the time of hot takes. why do we use the phrase 'pregnant person'. I do understand why but. it's dehumanising. change your method of phrasing for specific people not the group as a whole.

[voparwave69]

@the-cal-zone I have learned that sadely...the third midwife, Tavros, has silently gone away to somewhere unknown.

This is truly a sad day indeed. Without a goodbye, all we can do,

Is reminisce.

Upon first meeting us and learning of our mission, Tavros was quite taken aback; and resistant to the idea of joining the cause. I assumed they were a friend of yours, and you assumed they were a friend of mine. Ultimately, this helped us in the end, helped us to feel emboldened, to take essentially this stranger,

Up to the skies,

Where you watched on as I hoisted them up and held them up to the sun, and we showed them the way of the midwife, what our purpose is, who it is we serve,

And it was a truly joyous day when their heart was almost instantly turned over to midwifery, The Motherhood, as our sect of the Muppet Joker following was called, after witnessing the ultimate miracle of Muppet Clown birth.

They worked tirelessly alongside us in the Great Nest...sorting through the mostly infertile eggs, watching after the few Joker homunculi that hatched and managed to survive, crushing up the many, many eggshells to make swords out of for our leader in the little time we had devoted to anything but the eggs.

Their devotion was unmatched; overnight they transformed from a skeptic to a truly committed midwife.

This was our last photo taken together -- sweet Tavros had fallen to the bottom of the well and could not climb out. They insisted I stay behind with the eggs, but I refused to accept leaving a Mother behind, and so I climbed down with the most recent brood of eggs and we tended to them together. The eggs hatched into monsters and they slunk away to inhabit the well, so that is happening now; and Tavros left the Motherhood immediately, and ran away to somewhere I cannot see.

Goodbye, Tavros, Mother #3, The Devoted Stranger,

There will never be another like you.