#middle ground. ugh. ugh!!!!
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just fuckingn sucks not being able to do the thing ive loved doing for my whole life and still do i just like. cant. im just not there yettttttttt uggdgdhhfhd
#part of it is like. i genuinely do need accommodations. or like. i just havent found the way i can Do it now yet#bcoz the shit tht worked before doesnt work now!!!! like i physically cannot draw with a tablet anymore#i need like one of those bitches you can draw directly onto like a cintiq but not a cintiq bcoz im not a fucking nepo baby or whatever#huion kamvas you will be mine one day. huion studio will be many years down the line#might start with an ipad. tbh. it would be the most practical tbh#idk i just like. i like sketching! i like my sketchbook i genuinely do but i dont wanna Do that all the time sometimes i wanna make a gd#piece but traditional medias are so fucking time and energy consuming and like i cant do a tablet anymorekfnkfndng but i have no#middle ground. ugh. ugh!!!!
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should i secure a phansterdam ticket now or hope that better seats show up when people start selling their tickets closer to the event.
#the venue is annoying me bc it's a really big room#and the seats are all just flat on the ground as far as i can tell#except the tribune and balcony seats which are crazy far away from the stage. so im worried about the view being ass#ive only ever been to standing events at that venue tho so idk how bad the view is#obviously almost everything in the middle is gone already. ugh#this is also assuming i havent killed myself by then djsldkjgsj that's a very real possibility
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ofc it's you two... what happened to whitney, HUH??? why are you reading the kylar porn blog???? HUH?????????
#hatkuurambles#pick a side SMH#kylar or whitney. there is no middle ground. who did you side with during the cafeteria fight HUH????#bc i picked kylar in a HEART BEAT#sorry but kylar lunging at whitney with a knife is SOOOOOO hawt. drooling all over myself. ugh.#(this is a joke. i just like being mean to you guys......... its how i show love)
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pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this
#tomgreg#where do i even start with t his horseshit okay here we fucking go.#so tom's first instinct is to go to greg when he's on shaky ground with shiv. the only way he feels safe is to have GREG with him.#who tf would want greg as an attack dog??!?!? lets be fucking real. when he says that i think he means just a dog. just someone loyal.#who loves him and won't dick him around. i think he's pretty tired of it by now.#he wants an alliance with like. ok in this show who would you pick to ally with. i love greg but he's abso useless in terms of skills that#would keep you safe. if anything TOM would keep HIM safe. in fact tom himself says who else has taken care of you. literally spells it out.#he even says greg is a joke; will fail; will fuck up; so what use does he have for tom other than companionship. other than love?#a dog might do tricks for you but your main reason for getting one is usually love. right? at least it should be. it would be in tom's case.#and don't even fucking get me STARTED on ''do you wanna come with me? ...sporus?" like girl.#you know what you told him about nero and sporus right. and now you're saying to him; yeah i was talking about you.#you and me. you're my favourite and i wasn't joking when i said i'd marry you.#the whole while tom is asking greg to be his attack dog his fuckin. eyes and expression we get it you're in love with him. like it's ridic.#and all this coming with phrasing it sounds like they're fucking ELOPING. I HATE IT!!!!!! SHUT UP! stop saying that fucking shit god. god#they are so annoying. anyway#the way tom's voice breaks as he says he has things to do [what things. will i find out later.] and the deal and!!#what am i gonna do with a soul anyways... i have you what do i need it for. and as that paragraph said somewhere. he castrates his soul.#then they giggle and are fucking annoying and greg'S HANDS LOOK LIK EHE'S ABOUT TO IDK. HUG TOM? AROUND THE MIDDLE MAYBE#or do something else. and then they just hug instead and i fucking. ugh. i've had enough tbh good fucking bye
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Hey, have you played Snow Day, or are you going to? What do you think about it?
in short: 5/10 game. 6/10 if you’re with friends— and honestly, it’s a game MEANT to be played with friends, solo brings out the tedious, repetitive experience that’s Snow Day.
it’s an okay game, some concepts are nice but for the most part there’s not much to write home abt if you’re not a fan of south park. And even then…. I hesitate to recommend the game to sp fans. I’d advise to wait until it goes on sale (at an already cheap 30$).
The story takes place within a day so it’s short, to the point, and wraps up the way an episode would. Characters I didn’t expect to come back surprised me, but the story around them and the mechanics tied to them muddied the story for me halfway through (if you play it, you’ll know what i mean haha). I’m noticing a pattern in sp games and kinda hope they stop at snow day. The town of South Park is Turned By A Substance, the boys have to stop it. Last minute betrayal. This is the third game now…. I hope the next game they realize this and do something different…..
I’m not a fan of the art direction for the game, I don’t know if the smooth gummy-like textures work for south park. Some models don’t appear polished (some women models feel off. there’s a curve in the shoulders to rib area that don’t feel right to the proportions of the show, esp compared to the male models who don’t have that issue) there’s a lot of clipping either through clothes or in the models themselves 😬 I hope those get patched. for certain animation, bones are broken (crawling/ low health animation always ticks me off bc of it) and it stretches the skin mesh thin…. stuff that shouldn’t be happening in a launched game 🥲 But sometimes the models n anim look rly cute.
#talk tag#south park#south park snow day#the stylization of the world of sp in 3D is ok i guess#it’s not too toony but not realistic either it’s a decent middle ground#i’m not a level design person but somethn abt the way the levels were designed threw me off#i’m not opposed to linear levels. I like em actually!#but somethn abt how certain areas were designed it’s like…. it feels constricted#like I know i’m in a long corridor or box and there’s truly nothing past the trees on my side#like main street and the trail to starks pond don’t feel like they’re part of one place. it feels sectioned off#not by the snow but the rocks n trees itself and i’m like…. that’s not how south park looks???? idk…. ugh idkkkkkkk
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setting: last night, workplace, the kitchen has closed early bc it's just me and my boss
boss: that's it, i can't do this anymore, from now on the kitchen is closed from like 4pm until we get more staff
me, who has been closing, therefore usually starts working at four: 🤨 okay. how will this affect my hours?
boss: oh i'm not worried about you, you actually show up
me: 😐... okay. what hours do you want me in?
boss: pick your hours, any hours
me, giving up on getting anything useful out of this conversation: 😑 okay
#suggested keeping the kitchen open with just appetizers available. will report back if this is deemed acceptable#ugh#work#like i don't want to close alone? but also i don't think the kitchen should be totally closed either#like i don't know much about drinking but i don't think people will stick around if they don't have Something to eat#doesn't eating while you drink help with like. alcohol absorption? like you get drunk slower or something?#also. i would be straight up lying if i said i didn't mind working earlier lol i like working late#idk#i think closing the kitchen at four would be a mistake. but since i can't cook dinners alone and the boss wants to go home?#appetizers seems a good middle ground to me#*shrug kamoji*#food#adjacent#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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hm.
#just saw a Post.#like okay bestie perhaps we can get across our point about fanfic not being praxis without the sentence ‘we’re not creating art’-#-said in a rude and patronizing way.#there has Got to be a middle ground between ‘fanfic is leftist masterpiece direct action’ & ‘the work I DO is garbage nothing slop for pigs’#fanart is art. it’s not High Art Belongs In A Museum but if you looked me in the eye and told me it wasn’t art i would be justified in-#-calling you a tool. what about fic is different from that? where’s the distinction?#there’s no point saying all this i blocked op after seeing Another bad take when i clicked to see their blog but.#ugh.#(also it’s worth saying that if you do actually care about the history of literature calling all derivative work inherently lesser is a#Fucking Buckwild Take#but of course it’s more fun to dunk on people for writing their yaois than it is to think about romance as a genre or the entire history of-#-archetypical storytelling)#whatever. whatever!!!!!!!!!
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in other news, i think i've finally!!!! planned out and fully decided on my first tattoo and will be scheduling her shortly
#for years i thought my first tattoo would be harry styles related which is wild to think abt now#then i thought i would get something inspired by one of bo burnham's specials bc they were also deeply impactful for me#but i could never come up with an idea honoring either of them that i felt confident about#and then. december of last year. i heard an album that truly changed my life#hypochondriac by brakence is an album i have played from front to back... too many times to count#and it's not a case of 'i wish i could listen to this for the first time again' bc every single song somehow still hits me the same#after an entire year of playing this record over and over again#and to me the tattoo i'm planning not only represents this music i love so so much#but about so many things in my life#bisexuality. handling anxiety. riding the line between the highest highs and lowest lows and finding a middle ground#ugh. i love brakence so much i'm so excited~#and i might get a skyrim tattoo later too hehehe
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okay actually i will speak bc i'm procrastinating on an assignment. it's like. okay spoilers for tlou 2. like i agree that the message of tlou is that even when the world has ended and everything is horrible, we still have love and that's what makes it all worth it. but the scene that i always think of when it comes to that theme is the porch scene with joel and ellie when he asks about dina and then ellie launches into the "my life would have fucking mattered" speech. and joel says that he'd do the same thing all over again. because if ellie had died in that hospital then she would have never had the chance to dance with dina at the party. and how do you measure that against a vaccine? you literally can't and that's the point.
#and i think we could have gotten a great love story between bill and frank and still found some sort of middle ground#like the point is that bill tells joel like fuck having someone you care about it only makes you vulnerable look at me#i've cut out all vulnerabilities#and despite this joel still takes ellie to pittsburgh#UGH i don't know what i'm trying to say. i mean i do but
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While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol
#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something#and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday#and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol#perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!!#thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places#but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t#retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun#Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling#especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive#or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified#in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if#my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short#walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me''#etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do#ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities#if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel#like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave#or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I#dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but#on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide#on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say#add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa#nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can#have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis#ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like.#I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant#asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as#possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c#In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of#rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL
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Roman not being the youngest is still constantly baffling to me, he is so youngest child coded
#like ugh so many things i relate to him on and especially in this recent ep#he is those for whose family bullies them for being a crybaby#he is those for whose family bullies them for being a chatterbox#for the youngest child whos closest to their parents and get made fun of by your older siblings for :/#etc etc#ik this is bad but one of his most relatable scenes to me was i think after ken's bday party?#like when he calls logan and is like 'im the best child you can kill the rest of them'#ITS SO YOUNGEST CHILD CORE#but man this ep got me ughhhhhhhh like that part with ken at the end with him#'you fucked it' like the way he comforted him earlier but then used his emotional vulnerability against him later#and then the masochism of purposely trying to get beat up by the crowd#that shot of him on the ground in the middle of the street. i am unwell.#succession#succession spoilers#roman roy
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watching debates on abortion rights is so insane to me. you’ll have pro lifers say stuff like getting an abortion is the same as murdering a born child and then that very same person agreeing that women should never be shamed for getting an abortion because “it’s a difficult decision”. girl you believe them to be murderers? I can’t think of anyone who should feel more ashamed than people who kill their children, it’s just that I don’t think abortion is the same as murder. Things aren’t adding up, you’re not as good of a person as you think you are babe
#come the fuckkkkkk on. ‘it’s the same as murder’ ok either you don’t actually believe that#OR you don’t think people who kill their children should feel ashamed. which is it babe!!!! which is it#I’m so tired of having these discussions where people try to force their morals (often heavily rooted in religion. which. fuck off) on me#and then proceed to do shit like this. and I’m the bad guy for prioritising the parents’ autonomy? ooooooooookay!#like I know it’s such a difficult philosophical question as well but I don’t want to discuss with people like that. sorry#also I know I sound like a dick but the arguments are just soooo repetitive. ‘you know a Fetus has a heartbeat at x weeks’#yeah so did your uncle mark you took off life support to go skiing with your family#idk there’s just so many things that can be scientifically ‘disproven’. pretty sure you can get a few heart cells to beat in a petri dish#it’s such an important conversation to have I know that but some people are so uninformed it makes me sick#ugh sorry middle ground is making me angry#emmys thoughts
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i hate being this irritatable it makes me such a miserable cunt in all meanings of the phrase but god wouldn't you be under similar circumstances
#i dont necessarily wanna be all sunshine and rainbows coming out of my ass but like there has to be some middle ground#i really dont like. the person the stress makes me be but maybe thats like a cop out#i do my best to not like. actively show it well at least irl crabby posts online dont count#but like goddamn. its all so. grating everything in the world all the time#makes my retail job so bad someone will just. walk up. to purchase an item and im like UGH this asshole like the asshole is me#not to get like real but its not my heart yknow#i dont#want people to see me that way i dont want to treat ppl that way esp ppl i care abt#or anyone like i dont get pleasure out of being a dick to people but like. obvs its worse if its a loved one
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everything comes back to me thinking wow im solidly not a great person
#shitboxposting#as in i think im the most morally gray person around. i could be better and i could be worse. this is probably an L mentality but:#it could be worse#so . obviously that justifies it#being a people pleaser ended very badly & indulging in awfulness has consequences. i am a lover of the easy road on middle ground#i am quite literally ruled by 'easiest option' no matter what. im only gonna fix it when fixing it is easier than living with it#i also dont think about other people unless they directly tell me to so uh. that could use some work.#anyways tying my self esteem to performance at tasks instead of how much joy i put into the world is gnna be the death of me prolly#thinking about this is so much work in and of itself. ugh#i go back and forth on this so hard it cancels out into zero. 'i could be so much better' 'but i could be so much worse. and im not'#unfortunately it seems that i can't ''but you could be good'' myself into it. must find another reason
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ppl will tell me “u don’t have adhd bc u focus so well” like yeah the problem isn’t that i can’t focus it’s that i focus on the wrong things and can’t control how much focus i use
like i went to work on an assignment for school bc i have time off for thanksgiving (i’m american 😔) and just had to put a loose $5 bill in my wallet (that’s been sitting in my counter for 2 weeks), which spiraled into me organizing my wallet, and then my makeup bag, and then my whole purse, and suddenly it’s been 2 hours and i have done no actual work and have to make dinner
also now instead of making dinner i’m posting on tumblr so slay double whammy
#literally why can’t i hyperfocas on school#actually i did that once last year and did all my work for the semester in 3 days#anyone else got super all or nothing focus?#like i either can’t focus on something or it’s all i can think about for a week#no middle ground idk#but like tbh if it was caveman times bitches would love me#i would be building houses and collecting food and learning abt what plants you can and can’t eat like nobody’s business ugh#anyway#tags#adhd#add#audhd#neurodivergent#hyper focus#hyperfocus#hyperfixation#spin#special interest#shitpost#very long shitpost#????#mine
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