#mid-week supplementals

[aipurjopa]

Akito images for those who dabble

[reasonsforhope]

"It is 70 years since AT&T’s Bell Labs unveiled a new technology for turning sunlight into power. The phone company hoped it could replace the batteries that run equipment in out-of-the-way places. It also realised that powering devices with light alone showed how science could make the future seem wonderful; hence a press event at which sunshine kept a toy Ferris wheel spinning round and round.

Today solar power is long past the toy phase. Panels now occupy an area around half that of Wales, and this year they will provide the world with about 6% of its electricity—which is almost three times as much electrical energy as America consumed back in 1954. Yet this historic growth is only the second-most-remarkable thing about the rise of solar power. The most remarkable is that it is nowhere near over.

To call solar power’s rise exponential is not hyperbole, but a statement of fact. Installed solar capacity doubles roughly every three years, and so grows ten-fold each decade. Such sustained growth is seldom seen in anything that matters. That makes it hard for people to get their heads round what is going on. When it was a tenth of its current size ten years ago, solar power was still seen as marginal even by experts who knew how fast it had grown. The next ten-fold increase will be equivalent to multiplying the world’s entire fleet of nuclear reactors by eight in less than the time it typically takes to build just a single one of them.

Solar cells will in all likelihood be the single biggest source of electrical power on the planet by the mid 2030s. By the 2040s they may be the largest source not just of electricity but of all energy. On current trends, the all-in cost of the electricity they produce promises to be less than half as expensive as the cheapest available today. This will not stop climate change, but could slow it a lot faster. Much of the world—including Africa, where 600m people still cannot light their homes—will begin to feel energy-rich. That feeling will be a new and transformational one for humankind.

To grasp that this is not some environmentalist fever dream, consider solar economics. As the cumulative production of a manufactured good increases, costs go down. As costs go down, demand goes up. As demand goes up, production increases—and costs go down further. This cannot go on for ever; production, demand or both always become constrained. In earlier energy transitions—from wood to coal, coal to oil or oil to gas—the efficiency of extraction grew, but it was eventually offset by the cost of finding ever more fuel.

As our essay this week explains, solar power faces no such constraint. The resources needed to produce solar cells and plant them on solar farms are silicon-rich sand, sunny places and human ingenuity, all three of which are abundant. Making cells also takes energy, but solar power is fast making that abundant, too. As for demand, it is both huge and elastic—if you make electricity cheaper, people will find uses for it. The result is that, in contrast to earlier energy sources, solar power has routinely become cheaper and will continue to do so.

Other constraints do exist. Given people’s proclivity for living outside daylight hours, solar power needs to be complemented with storage and supplemented by other technologies. Heavy industry and aviation and freight have been hard to electrify. Fortunately, these problems may be solved as batteries and fuels created by electrolysis gradually become cheaper...

The aim should be for the virtuous circle of solar-power production to turn as fast as possible. That is because it offers the prize of cheaper energy. The benefits start with a boost to productivity. Anything that people use energy for today will cost less—and that includes pretty much everything. Then come the things cheap energy will make possible. People who could never afford to will start lighting their houses or driving a car. Cheap energy can purify water, and even desalinate it. It can drive the hungry machinery of artificial intelligence. It can make billions of homes and offices more bearable in summers that will, for decades to come, be getting hotter.

But it is the things that nobody has yet thought of that will be most consequential. In its radical abundance, cheaper energy will free the imagination, setting tiny Ferris wheels of the mind spinning with excitement and new possibilities.

This week marks the summer solstice in the northern hemisphere. The Sun rising to its highest point in the sky will in decades to come shine down on a world where nobody need go without the blessings of electricity and where the access to energy invigorates all those it touches."

-via The Economist, June 20, 2024

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Small Ways To Elevate Your Life

Fashion & Beauty:

Wear coordinated lingerie (bra and underwear) under your outfit daily

Keep at least one pair of shapewear/sculpting underwear in your closet to streamline your look under form-fitting clothes

Invest in high-quality socks and hosiery (I love everything from HUE!)

Curate a collection of basics tanks, tees, and long-sleeves that pair well with each type of jeans/trousers/skirt/outerwear option you wear on repeat throughout the week/month

Invest in a timeless black boot (one short and one tall or mid-calf), loafer/flat, pump, and white sneaker that pair well with nearly any outfit

Apply products in the order: liquid, cream, then powder (you can top all of them off with a setting spray if desired)

If you're confused about what your YLLB (your lips but better) shade is, try to match it to the darker portion of your nipple

Switch off eyes in between mascara coats when applying more than one coat

Apply lip balm before you start doing your makeup so it can absorb into your lips and ensure your lipstick/gloss/tint doesn't dry out your lips

Health & Wellness:

Get a pill box to house your daily vitamins & supplements; Fill it up on Sunday evening to have all of your supplements in your sight, sorted, and simple to take every day without a second thought

Always take your supplements with food, not coffee, to optimize absorption

Drink a large glass of water within 5-10 minutes of waking up

Invest in beautiful, large salad bowls and/or juice & smoothie glasses to inspire you to eat more salads and greens-filled meals throughout the week

Ensure you're breathing normally/not stressed when eating to avoid excess bloating; Don't use straws when possible if you're prone to trapped gas

Try the diagram breathing technique to calm your nerves when you wake up, when you're trying to sleep, wind down, or anytime you're stressed (Place one hand on the center of your chest and the other in the middle of your stomach right below your rib cage)

Learn how to give yourself a sinus massage and an abdominal self-massage to relieve everyday congestion and pain at home

[transformation4life]

Peak Musclenity

Josh was your average skinny american blonde. Average grades and average life. There was nothing remarkable about this guy... besides maybe one thing.

Josh was gay. Very very gay and was trying to get big like the men he admires over the internet waves. And against all odds he managed to make a friend at the gym! A czech bodybuilder named Alois. Unlike Josh, Alois was as straight as can be and understanding gay people was the least of his problems, but Josh was failing at using a workout machine so bad it led to the two to meeting and becoming workout buddies.

Josh was never one to give up and despite his currently lacking frame he continued to workout even after weeks of no results. Alois noticed this and was starting to get worried Josh's body just wasn't able to get big like his. Alois wanted to do something so do something he did and it was going to be drastic...

"Hey Alois! My man, my big burly man! How's it going?" Josh ran up to Alois mid-flexing routine.

"Oh hey kid, what's up?" Alois replied back.

"Nothing much! Just excited to work out with you!" Josh smiled.

"Great, great...." Alois frowned.

"Is... something wrong?"

"Be honest with me Josh, I've noticed you haven't been gaining muscle for weeks now and you keep that damn smile like nothing's wrong. Your lack of muscle has to be bothering you!" Alois put his hand on Josh's shoulder

"I'm just concerned for ya-" Josh politely removed Alois's hand.

"Don't worry about me! I've noticed this myself actually... and I don't mind at all! I'm just glad to be doing with you!" Josh smiled again.

Alois looked down to his pockets. Alois knew that he had to do this. He needed to give Josh what he DESERVES.

"Look Josh, you deserve to get big like me so I got this supplement for you." Alois grabs a bottle from one of his shorts pockets.

"Don't worry. It ain't no steroid. Just lather it on your face and the effect should spread to your body." Alois put the bottle in Josh's right hand.

"Please, for me." Alois said sweetly.

Alois's deep voice was always something Josh adored so despite his reluctance to accept the gift he did keep it.

"Alright then... uh... are we going to work out now or-"

"Nah. Let's go to your apartment. Just us two."

"Oh! Ohohohohohohoh!" Josh started to blush a beet red.

"A-Alright let's go then!!" Josh quickly turned around as Josh led the way to his apartment.

After a 30 minute drive for both of the men they both arrived at Josh's apartment. Josh unlocked the door with his keys and put his arms towards the apartment living room as if to showcase it.

"Here it is!!! It's not great, but it works!" Josh said with confidence.

Just looking at the place tightened Alois's resolve to go through with his plan.

"Yes... very. Say Josh, how about you apply that supplement now?" Alois gestured to the bottle in his pocket

"Hm? Why now? We're not even at the gym plus I don't think we're gonna be at the gym again until-"

"Just apply it for me please." Alois interrupted Josh again.

Josh was getting really confused at this point, but if the bulging man is asking you to do something you might as well. At least that was Josh's reasoning. So Josh unsealed the lid to the bottle and removed the foil covering the liquid inside and dipped his fingers in and out of the bottle before applying it to his face all over. The substance was a bit thick and a very dark black and it made Josh's skin crawl, but somehow Josh could feel the liquid seeping into his skin leave his face clean again.

"Woah... that was weird! Hopefully it actually works..." Josh looked at Alois for some affirmation only for Alois to be deep in thought.

"Alois? you good?" Alois jumped at the mention of his name.

"Yes, yes! I'm fine!!"

"Okay then, so now that we're at my apartment do you want to do anything?" Josh asked a bit nervous.

"Oh, sure! Though there's something I've been meaning to ask you, Josh,"

"Yeah?" Josh gave a really curious look this time.

Alois opened his mouth only to pause for a second... only for Alois to shake his head before speaking again.

"Josh, when did you have such a beautiful manly beard?" Alois knew there was no going back from this.

"A m-manly what?!?" Alois implying Josh had a beard certainly wasn't something that Josh was expecting.

"Yeah, that beard of yours is thick like mine. a real item," As Alois spoke little by little hairs began to grow on Josh's clean shaven face.

The growing didn't stop for a long while and before long a beard that looks to have been growing for years was now on Josh. Unexpectedly though the facial hair was a deep black and Josh's blonde hair was now black to match the beard. A quick pain went through Josh's head before Josh's confusion turned into confidence.

"Oh thanks, I did always pride myself on not ever shaving it! Doesn't really fit my frame but my genetics blessed me!" Josh smiled as he caressed his beard.

"Of course! Can't forget that almost shaved head of yours too!" Alois continued his trek across Josh's body.

"What are you talking about Alois? I love my curly locks!" Alois stopped messing with his beard and grabbed his hair to show Alois that he did have the locks he said he did.

"No need to lie to yourself, Josh. That shaved hair is a good look with your beard!" And just like Alois planned Josh's hair began to fall off and melt into the floor like it wasn't even there until there was barely any hair on Josh's head.

Josh was still grabbing his hair but his mind caught up with the new reality and smiled again.

"Silly me! You're right! I love the kind of masculine look it gives me! Still no muscle though haha..." Alois knew that last comment wouldn't last long.

"That masculine look really suits you, Josh. Especially with those big muscles and tattoo of yours," Now Alois was the one to smirk.

This absolutely flabbergasted Josh. There's no way Alois was telling the truth. Wasn't it just an hour ago Alois was worried about his muscle gain. Josh was a stick!

"Alois I appreciate your compliment but it's simply untrue... I'm a twig and I definitely have no tattoos. I hate tattoos!!"

"That was what you thought years ago, but look at you now! Gruff and tough and just as old as me!" This was the big one and Alois was ecstatic to see Josh's frail body begin to grow.

Before the growth could start, all of Josh's clothes evaporated off his body. The growth now began in Josh's chest as he developed two large pecs that were dying to be popped. Next was Josh's stomach as it became a strong gut and slight hint of abs being there. Josh's back expanded like a large map meanwhile his stick arms were sticks no more as they were now more like tree trunks and his hands grew into sausage like fingers with very rough texture after years of lifting weights. Josh's legs weren't far behind in growing until they were two thick rocks of pure muscle. Josh's flat ass ballooned up into the perfect bubble butt and his feet grew a couple sizes too. Josh's face was next up to bat when it began to physically age and become much more gruff and masculine. Josh's neck thickened as his adam's apple became more prominent. Josh already looked like a completely different person at this point and Josh was none the wiser, but the show still wasn't done. Out of nowhere ink began to surface on Josh's skin with various patterns running all over his arms, back, fingers, pecs, and chest. The most unique one being one that was just "5%" etched on his left pec. While this was happening Josh's dick became quite the well endowed one with a generous 9 inch schlong. The final change wasn't too major with Josh's body being flourished with body hair all over his now huge frame. Josh didn't speak through the whole ordeal, but with a quick change of Josh's memories he just smiled.

"Yeah... you're right. I am BIG and I am a true man!!" Josh flexed his bulging arms and with a shiny gleam a ring appeared on his ring finger.

Alois was quick to notice the accent and deep voice Josh now had. Alois supposed the "just like me" comment changed his birthplace. He also noticed Josh's face being more like his own as well. Alois couldn't believe the black liquid worked. That purchase from the black market was worth all the money he spent. Alois just wasn't sure what to do now-

"Hey Alois, do you see this ring on my ring finger? I don't remember putting this on... Did you pull a prank on me? Pretend we're married? Haha!" Ah right, Josh was still as gay as ever.

Alois thought for a moment. Should a gruff and tough guy like the new Josh be gay? Alois was straight as an arrow and didn't feel like he had the right to change Josh's sexuality.

But... imagining Josh in his current state as gay didn't seem right to Alois. This Josh belongs with marrying a woman! Atleast that's what Alois reasoned. So Alois readied his response and spoke.

"Oh come on, Josh you know full that-"

"Wait we're actually married? I thought you were straight," It was time for Josh to do a little bit of rearranging.

A wedding ring appeared on Alois's ring finger and memories were injected into both men. Memories of meeting way earlier than they actually did. Memories of falling in love through the power of bodybuilding. Memories of their wedding as they kissed under the altar. It wasn't before long after the memories of their lived changed as they passionately kissed right in Josh's apartment which slowly changed into their joint home.

"Babe, у тебя скоро фотосессия..." (Babe, you have that photoshoot soon…) Alois spoke after the kiss ended.

"I know... I have to take a shower.." Josh spoke back.

Josh was still naked and wasted no time hopping in the shower. Josh turned on the showerhead and hopped in letting the cold water lay waste on his large muscular body. Alois while watching his beloved get in the shower realized they were no clean towels in there oh no! Alois quickly grabbed one and rushed to the shower.

"You forgot a towel!" Alois slammed the door open right as Josh finished his shower. Guess it was a quick one.

"Thanks babe, but I can get my own damn towel next time alright" Josh grabbed the towel and started to dry himself.

Before he continued drying himself off he flexed to his husband just to make sure he knows that he loves his man. Josh even did a little pout with his lip!

After Josh finished drying, Alois handed his husband the clothes for the photo shoot later today. Josh quickly put on one of the American flag branded shorts and underwear then went straight to grooming his beard for the shoot.

"Удачи в фотосессии. Я тебя люблю!" (Good luck with the photo shoot. I love you!) Alois said to Josh as he started to leave.

"Тоже тебя люблю!" (Love you too!) Josh left his house completely different than when he entered it moments ago.

Josh became the man of his dreams and Alois was along for the ride as his husband. Josh's photo shoot showed off the new Josh in a glorious way.

First picture by the pool...

Second picture with a cat...

Third picture lifting some mad iron...

And the final picture by the local beach...

As the shoot finished Josh couldn't help but flex in triumph. This was the life! a huge husband, a huge him, and a promoter for products! Josh was a true man. Always has been and always will be with a muscular husband by his side.

[soundspeachytome]

7 minutes in heaven - shohei ohtani au

summary: Y/N snoops around famous football player Shohei Ohtani’s locker in search for a scandal against his clean record but ends up in one herself.

tropes: friends with benefits, friends to lovers(?)

tw: *slight* smut, mentions of sex, oral (f receiving)

word count: 30,033K words (i'm SO sorry in advance holy shit)

hi! it's been a while. when i made this account, i vowed to write at least once a week but it had been so difficult this month juggling work, my chronic migraines, and seasonal depression (lol).

please note i did not proofread this so plsssss i apologize for grammar mistakes and inconsistencies!!

posting this on the last day of 2023, hoping to give everyone a good read before we welcome the new year. so thankful for this small space to try, linger and reset all over again. hope you had a very merry holidays with your loved ones.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

==================================

Locker Lockdown

At around thirty minutes past four in the afternoon, I skimmed the clubhouse for any signs of life. It was only the quiet that prevailed. Clear. 

I tiptoed my way towards the player locker room. I only had around ten minutes to locate the correct locker and take whatever I could find. Discovering the locker area to be empty and unguarded, I felt a surge of excitement. 

Six years later, I couldn’t get my big break and decided sports journalism could catapult me into somewhere big in the industry. This is my last chance to prove myself, otherwise I’d have to reconsider going back home and write Hallmark greeting card messages again. 

Shohei Ohtani’s jersey number is the number 17. Lucky bastard, after all these years and even after going through free agency, he got to keep his famous number, even at the cost of having their senior player give it up for him when he joined the football team. 

And here you might be wondering why I’m doing this aside from my sheer desperation to get an official spot in the workplace and not eat scraps of topics editors discarded for themselves. 

Some people are privileged to a fault.

And I hate seeing him on TV. Or on social media. Or his Colgate-white smile plastered all over my favorite beer and skincare brands. 

Some would say this is the TMZ tabloid level of writing. I say this is investigative journalism. Find out if the famous favorite son-in-law has any flaws of his own and wrap around a bowtie of hidden horrors of sports documentaries. 

And where else can we find this but in the athlete hotpot: their locker room.

I found Shohei’s locker right away as it was the tidiest locker among all on display, with nothing but brand-sponsored clothing hung neatly on the rack. He also donned the top shelf with some dog-eared self-help titles and vitamin bottles. While the rest of the athletes have pictures of their girlfriends, wives and their kids, Shohei has an unreleased polaroid selfie with his dog, Dekopin, just right beside his perfume bottles. Dekopin was looking away, captured in mid-yawn, with his ears raised, and Shohei, smiling into the camera with pursed lips and a snapback on.

I got so immersed into reading the ingredients of his vitamin bottles, trying to find anything remotely related to steroids, or any form of illegal bodily enhancements, that I didn’t notice footsteps from outside the hall.

“What are you doing here?” a voice loomed behind me and I dropped the diet supplement bottle in panic.

Only the sound of the bottle rattling could be heard as I locked eyes with Shohei Ohtani, tall and all muscular. His hair was sweaty and unkempt and his eyes held mild anger and confusion. After the bottle stopped rolling and settled somewhere on the floor between us, there was only silence and the cold sweat building up at my back. 

I swallowed hard. I planned everything from studying the stadium’s entrance and exit doors but I didn’t plan on bumping into him. Not like this. Not when I’m at the lowest level of the social hierarchy right now. 

I could only be ashamed. 

Brain still befuddled at the thought of getting caught, I urged my limbs and picked up the vitamin bottle and returned it back to Shohei’s locker. The plan was not to respond at all and run as fast as I could before the rest of his team arrived. That was the only way to keep whatever dignity I have left. 

“I said, what are you doing here?” He caught my arm mid-exit and pulled me back, tightening his grip. 

“Let go of me.” I struggled to keep my balance and the way my voice wavered was no help at all. 

Shohei saw the camera slung over my shoulder and looked back at me, realization hitting him.

“Y/N, are you a sports journalist now? And were you looking through my stuff?” he said, sounding almost disappointed. 

“That’s none of your business. Let go of me.” I kept my voice steady but his grip only tightened. The sides of my eyes slowly formed tears. 

“What tabloid media do you work for? I should report you. Would you like that? What a shame you’ll be banned from all the games now, right? You nasty journalists just won’t keep your noses away from my business.” he took my camera and deleted all the photos I took of the contents of his locker. I tried to leap for it but he was obviously inches taller than I was and I was no match for that.

“I don’t write tabloid news. If I was, my name would have been all over TV by now.” I grabbed the camera from him and sighed morosely at the lost media. A day’s work is all lost.

“My boss gave me a green light to do a documentary about the team. And the star player.” I wiggled my fingers in front of him, as if to emphasize the word “star” in front of him.

“I came here assuming you and the other players would be here for an interview but no one was around yet. So I hung around a bit and took interest in your nutritional supplements.” Lie after lie after lie. I gritted my teeth and faked a smile. The most convincing lie I’ve learned on almost all my failed dates and relationships was to stroke a man’s ego and have him talk about all the things he is interested in, making him divert his attention to something else. 

“You’ve got really good, um, vitamins for muscle recovery there. Maybe that’s why you got so big and strong, right?.” He looked at me dubiously, nodding responsively to be polite. If he took the bait, then he is obviously just like any other guy I’ve ever met. 

“I mean, I guess? I’ve been doing deadlifts so–”

Approaching footsteps and faint voices were heard from the hall. Shohei pushed me toward the opposite end of the hall, where the showers were located. 

“Wha–” I started but was shut up when he pushed me further into the back of the shower room, swiping the doors closed. 

“Shut up if you don’t want to be caught.” He growled and I recoiled back into the tiled corner. On top of me was the almost rusting shower head who had seen better days, and two bottle pumps for shampoo and body wash. 

Voices and conversations were starting to fill in the locker room that was empty only a few seconds ago. The voices of men echoed through the shower rooms.  You could hear the sound of water turning on from neighboring shower stalls, laughter and tired conversation in the locker area. We were surrounded.

Shohei could be heard laughing with his mates while blocking the door to the shower room I was hiding in. 

“Are you using that, Sho? I could use a hot shower right now.” one of his teammates said. 

“Uh, no, I was just about to use this room, sorry.” he said, almost hesitating. After a few seconds, he entered the shower room and started undressing. 

I widened my eyes and shot him daggers. When he unhooked his shirt from his armholes, I was rendered speechless. 

He had the body sculpted by the gods with his wide shoulders and large pecs that glinted under the light. How could someone look handsome and beautiful at the same time? 

So when Shohei reached for the waist belt of his pants down, I didn’t know why I had choked on a silent scream. I looked away, embarrassed to have reacted like an inexperienced teenager. I have seen and have been with naked men before. This should be nothing new to me and my level. Or so I thought.

I stole a glance at Shohei, who was slowly walking towards me (or to the showerhead, where I stood under, obviously)  in only his boxers on, gazing at me in wild amusement.

We were almost inches apart from each other, foreheads almost touching, breaths almost converging, if you may. If I stand on my tiptoes, I would be almost at his eye-level and I could peck him on the lips if I wanted to. 

If I wanted to.

“Sorry, but I need to shower or someone else will try to take this stall.” His voice broke my salacious thoughts. He looked at me and turned the shower on.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m supposed to. Aren’t I? I just got off practice and I stink.” He said almost sarcastically.

“So I’m supposed to just watch you bathe and hope I get out here alive?” Water slowly dripped into my shirt, soaking my chest and exposing a bit of my underwear. 

“If you didn’t sneak in here, we wouldn’t have this problem.” He concluded and pursed his lips, not looking at me. 

“Shohei? You okay? You sound like you’re talking to someone.” a familiar voice floated into the shower room.

“It was a video on my phone that I forgot to pause, Ippei-san.” Shohei’s face turned red but recovered quickly, glaring at me. 

“Oh, well then, I thought you finally had a girl in there. I was wrong.” Ippei laughed.

Shohei started lathering body wash on his body at the slowest pace possible. His hands glided through his chest, stomach, and into the dick he’s restraining inside his boxers. Simply having this view had me almost whimpering. If it had been another day, I would have obviously enjoyed this, having a sexy man bathe in front of me, because who wouldn’t? But under my circumstances, I’m only fairly annoyed at being a flustered, hot mess and I couldn’t do anything about it. 

“Oh, fuck, now you got me wet.” I blurted a little loudly as the water splashed and got into my socks. 

Shohei’s widened and panicked eyes shot at me.

In between those short seconds, Shohei was able to respond quicker than my brain could. He had faked a laugh and said loudly, “Well, that’s awkward, the video keeps on playing on its own. Let me turn my phone off instead.” gaining laughter from outside the shower area and then reaching for the small of my neck and closed whatever space was seen between us. 

Based on what I had learned in self-defense training, my initial bodily reaction should have been this: If someone is coming at you from the front, a groin kick may deliver enough force to paralyze your attacker, making your escape possible. 1. Stabilize yourself as best you can. 2. Lift your dominant leg off the ground and begin to drive your knee upward. 3. Extend your dominant leg, drive hips forward, slightly lean back, and kick forcefully, making contact between your lower shin or ball of your foot and the attacker’s groin area.

Instead, when his lips touched mine, I felt my arms throw around his neck and pulled him closer. They say we’re all beggars for something, and this indulgence I had let myself be greedy for. 

When his lips reached mine, I parted like the Red Sea almost immediately, welcoming him and everything that he could offer: the taste of his tongue on my mouth, the smell of honey orange and apricot from his body wash seeping through my nose as I peppered kisses on his chest, and his obviously hard dick grinding against my stomach. When I palmed him, he managed a low growl and caught my wrists.

“Not here.” he groaned.

I pushed my head back inquiringly, both of us breathing too hard. 

“I have no condom,” he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear. Under the dim bathroom light, I could see his face and chest were flushed. “Next time?”

“Well, usually when two old friends meet after a fall out in college, they just catch up and have coffee.” I said.

He laughed and said quietly, “Okay, so I owe you.”

“The coffee or the protected sex?” 

“Uh, it could go a lot of ways.” Before he could say more, I palmed him through his boxer shorts and looked up at him, trying to find his limit.

Shohei bit his own lip and tugged the roots of my hair in a bundle, pulling and tugging from the pleasure. To keep himself from making such ungodly hot sounds, he pushed his tongue down my throat and thrusted his hips back and forth against my hand.

As if to make it even, he unclasped my bra and sucked on my already soaked breasts, a satisfied groan slipped from me. We both pulled and pushed and sucked and kissed each other in the crevices the shower splatters couldn’t reach, silencing the moans before it could escape us.  

In that brief and elating moment, while we muted the noise from unsuspecting people, we smothered each other’s groans and reached our highs in the quietest, most pleasurable way possible. 

=========================================

7 minutes of heaven

It’s strange how I always find myself in the most ridiculous situations. 

The next few occasions that I’d meet Shohei would be wordless and timed interactions in enclosed spaces. We’d see each other in public and pretend we didn’t know each other but slip each other notes of the next place we’d secretly meet. It all felt strangely exhilarating to keep a secret like a fifteen year old would, with all the sneaking and running. 

We’ve explored almost every nook and cranny of the stadium, discovering hidden spots of our rendezvous. We’d meet up in a different bathroom and he’d push me on my back while he fucks me repeatedly on the bathroom sink. Pre-game preps meant I gave him blowjobs in his manager’s office hours and hours before everyone even arrived. 

Of course, when we ran out of places to hide, we’d go as far as looking for the next empty parking lot and tried to fuck each other noiselessly.

“So when can I take you out for dinner?” he had asked one day, when he dragged me out to meet with him around after midnight. I wouldn’t let him inside my apartment and I refused to do the deed in his either, so he’d bring me to places that only us knew, to fuck, to kiss, sometimes to talk, but more often, to drive each other’s pleasure and only that. 

Because god forbid we both catch feelings and lose the fun, right?

So no talking, no sharing of personal details, no anything. 

We were in an empty parking lot, away from the lampposts and streetlights. Shohei had made sure that we were well hidden in the dark. 

He had his legs spread while sitting on the driver’s seat. His hands, warm and wide, rested on my hips and thighs, lightly urging me to ride him slowly.

Soft RNB music played on the stereo, it was a quiet, still night. It was both our day off so he had wanted us to chill and take the sex slowly.

Slow meant gazing at each other’s eyes–gaze, not look–with endearment or adoration, not lust or pleasure. Slow meant thinking the unthinkable thoughts. Slow meant being vulnerable while coming undone.

And I don’t want the slow and quiet moments. I wanted the fast and rough with no time to talk, gaze or even think, just one hundred percent fun and debauchery. 

“Mmm. Maybe when you show me your photos,” I avoided the question but I also knew Shohei would never show me the photos he had taken–past and present. Even when we had been buddies for an entire semester, he had, not once, shown me his portfolio. 

“So probably never, right?” he gazed up at me with his creamy brown eyes, hands caressing my stomach lightly. 

“Probably,” I muttered and with that he had gripped my thighs tightly and moved his hips upwards to meet me. I moaned when he hit me in the right spots. Any sign of softness he had shown a few moments ago was gone, and only the roughness and unsettling disconnection remained. 

This particularly fine day, I would be standing at the mercy of his mouth. He had dragged me to an empty storage room in the east wing of the stadium, hours after practice. According to him, the area stands the exact opposite from the lockers so most people hardly come by. How he had found out about this, I had no idea. 

He was kneeling in between me, my right leg hooked on his shoulder, giving him more access and my hands tugged at the strands of his hair every time he licked my sensitive clit. 

Shohei’s tongue grazing against me had left me quivering in delight. He stands up and kisses me, giving me a taste. My fingers started unbuckling his belt when he felt his phone vibrate. 

“Oops, Ippei’s looking for me.” He pockets his phone, looking forlorn, as if telling me he didn’t really want to go yet. “See you again next time?”

“Yours or mine?” I had asked, brushing up and straightening my wrinkled dress. And when I realized what I had done, Shohei’s eyes shot up and he beamed widely. 

“I just– I- I want a proper night with sex, you know.” I explained, trying to sound nonchalant. “It’s so uncomfortable having to go commando at work after you had just literally sucked the life out of my vagina, Sho.”

“Mmm-hmm.” He smiled even more.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“What? Fuck off.” By this time, my face felt hot and had probably looked red like a tomato, which probably amused Shohei even more. 

“Your place, then. I’ll call you.” he gives me one last kiss then heads out first, leaving me a dazed and pulsating mess.

A shrill sound knocked me awake. It felt like seven thousand screaming hungry babies in my ear, bouncing off around my brain like a pinball. 

I looked at the digital clock on the bedside table and saw the time glinting behind the glass: 8:41 PM. I must've fallen asleep after taking a half day off from work, feeling nauseous and slightly feverish. It seemed that whatever body malaise that I have been carrying inside me earlier had sprung into a full-blown ailment.

 I pushed my body up and walked groggily to the source of my misery. 

Someone was buzzing the doorbell and repeatedly pounding on the door. Great.

“If you’re not dead or dying behind this door, you’re about to be.” I croaked harshly, throat burning; putting all my remaining energy in pulling the door open. I was greeted by an extremely tall man with frantic brown eyes, searching my face.

“Oh, thank fucking god. I’ve been knocking for half an hour.” he wrapped me in a tight hug, I almost collapsed. Partly because of the throbbing headache and overall discomfort that I already felt, but hugely because of the warm minty scent of Shohei Ohtani. 

“Jesus, you’re burning up!”

“What are you doing here?” I said, struggling in his grip, his face resting on the curve of my neck. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“You don’t text someone ‘at least i’ll die happy today knowing that my last meal was shoyu ramen’ and then not fucking reply after.” We were still standing by the entrance, his face now angled towards me, a look of concern or anger mixed in his face, I couldn’t tell. My cerebral cortex functions seemed to have shut down after witnessing this unexpected tenderness. 

“Medicine knocked me down cold.” I shrugged weakly. 

Shohei pulled me into the bedroom and tucked me back in, apologizing for his intrusion, putting down plastic bags of what seemed to be groceries on the kitchen counter, and went back to lightly scolding me for proper texting etiquette to family and friends, to anyone really. That my dark humor doesn’t translate well in messages and that I could have really died and people would think I’m joking but really, he got so scared that he went here as fast as he could.

I don’t remember much but in between fever dreams and my ibuprofen haze, I faintly remember the savory taste of rice porridge exploding in my mouth, the constant dabbing of a cold towel on my face, neck and chest, sometimes, my back, too; the smell of rubbing alcohol and a large, gentle, almost loving touch. 

I don’t remember much but in between waking up in the darkness and stone-cold silence, I remember soft forehead kisses until I drifted back to sleep; of big strong arms enclosing me into a big embrace, as if to tell me, you can put your guard down now. you are safe here. 

I don’t remember much from coming in and out of slumber, but I remember thinking: wouldn’t it be nice if this wasn’t a dream?

======================================

Reset

In the end, I quit sports media on my own volition and got into a friend’s ceramics house. I have always had a thing for ceramics and sculpting as early as college, where I had met my then-professor and now friend–who happens to be the owner of mentioned ceramics house. She had always praised me and encouraged me to join her when she first opened the shop, but as someone who had musings for writing at the time, I politely declined and pursued, you guessed it, journalism. 

I’ve always been good at writing, no doubt, from the way professors always had a good word for me, but I always seem to get into the wrong places every time. Time moves fast if you’re a journo, if you’re slow, then the news is rehashed news, it would just be a late-night recap at a midnight slot that no one is ever awake to watch. 

Here, inside her shop, it was quiet, and time moved slowly. I can get into my laziest clothes and no one bats an eye. I can finally retire my stilettos and straight cut blazers. 

It was all so going well. The customers were always mid-twenties who got interested in our social media marketing of creating your own mugs and other ceramics and always came in in groups, duos, and solos. 

Slowly, I realized that not everyone gets to the places they want. Even when you work blood and sweat for it. Not all were built like, say, Shohei Ohtani, whose talent was recognized early and afforded him an automatic slot in the big leagues.

Some are born to be big icons and some, like the rest of us, are meant for smaller, softer spaces. I get that now. It finally felt like I was in the right place and pace. 

All this positivity and good timing felt all too good to be true and been proven accurate when the scandal blew up. 

Shohei Ohtani photographed exiting his LA apartment with a woman in his arms.

Shohei Ohtani’s rumored girlfriend receives backlash from fans: READ MORE

EXCLUSIVE: More photographs of Shohei Ohtani and rumored girlfriend driving away in his Porsche

Rumored girlfriend of Shohei Ohtani: Who is She?

When I say it was everywhere, I meant it exploded right in front of our faces like a million confetti, falling and twirling fast. It was unstoppable. It was inevitable.

I felt my limbs go numb when I read the morning news. There in bold and black letters was the headline, my name and a clear photo of me holding Shohei’s arm, smiling. A certain news outlet had gotten juice of us and our secret hideouts and had spread all over social media like wildfire. You know what’s funnier? The media outlet that released this was my previous employer. The same company that asked me to snuff out a controversy. While I had failed to give them the news they wanted, I had unintentionally brought them an exclusive that wrote my entire name–and face–off the map and potentially ruined Shohei Ohtani’s clean record. 

Shohei Ohtani, despite his happy-go-lucky and passive demeanor, was a very serious and straight-laced person. I already knew this in university but I got to see more of this side of him when we had started the fucking thing. Even though I had clearly told him that I didn’t want any strings attached, it was unavoidable to give and receive bits and pieces of each other when we’re not naked. 

I  did enjoy talking to Shohei under the sheets. His ingenious ideas and the way he talked about the things he adored spilled all over him, like afternoon sunlight streaming in between curtains, making way even through the small spaces to cast his light. I basked into this warmth as much time allowed me, because who knows when I can experience the glow of his presence again after all the chaos. 

He was exactly like the golden hour: a warm afternoon orange luminescence that usually only stays for ten to fifteen minutes a day. If you wait too long to look up, he disappears quickly as he goes, leaving only the faint orange, yellow and pink hues chasing after him before the black of the night takes over you. 

Well, now the fairytale has run its course and the sun has set to announce that golden hour is over. Night has finally fallen on me and I’m feeling scared and alone.

The first thing I did was to grab as much stuff as I could and put them all in my luggage and filed for an indefinite leave. 

As if like clockwork, my phone rang and saw Shohei’s name on the caller ID. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. What could I possibly say to him? That I used him just for the clicks and the views? That after all this time we spent together, he would realize that I am still the same despicable, scathing piece of garbage who’d trample on anyone just for a few cents?

So I don’t answer. Even when he calls back again and again and leaves me twenty or more messages by the hour. I turned my phone off. The latest message from Ohtani coming up on the notifications bar read, “Where are you?” before the screen flashed to black. 

I have nothing but my pride left. I’d like to keep it that way.  In such a way, I was embarrassed, too. I thought I finally had something to brag about. A job that I actually liked and enjoyed, a peaceful mind, and the possibility of liking a guy who had shown me nothing but kindness. 

And because I couldn’t handle all of this, I handled it like I have always handled things: I ran away like a coward. 

I rode a bus without reading its destination card and let it drive me away as far as it could, to someplace where no one knew me or Shohei Ohtani, or had any idea about the news. 

The bus drove away and I never looked back. 

================================

Waiting Until My Spring Comes Again: Shohei’s POV

Just like that I lost her. She wasn’t even mine to begin with. 

When the news broke out, I was so furious that I wanted to drive to the news outlet that published the article and give them a piece of my mind. I knew my blind rage would have done more damage so I didn’t.

Instead, I looked for her and wanted to let her know that whatever happens, I won’t drop her just like that. That I’m willing to acknowledge the rumors and make it official, if she wanted to. 

I’ve always been open to the idea of taking it to the next level with her but every time I broached the subject, she would change the topic, get into a foul mood, or try to pick a fight with me. Which I found endearing. She’s so adorable when she pouts. And when she pushes her luck thinking a five foot four girl like her can withstand someone as tall as me. 

I just can’t help but laugh and feel a flutter in my stomach. She’s someone who has been adorable and held a special corner in my heart. 

Y/N’s face was so expressive and whatever emotion she was in it would always be evident on her face. When she’s happy, a dimple on her cheek shows up. When she’s feeling sad or down, she’d look downcast and would prefer that you leave her alone. When she’s thinking about something deep, she would chew on her lower lip and always had a blank almost unfocused stare. Despite her many faces, I’m sure as hell that I love all of them. I wanted to be by her side when all this shit happened, I wanted to see which face she was making. Is she pissed like I was? Is she sad? I wouldn’t know. The moment her number didn’t connect after I had tried reaching her, I already knew that she was avoiding me. 

I lost count of how many messages I had sent her, of how many missed calls and voicemails I left her. She was unreachable. She gave me her spare key so when I tried visiting her apartment, it was empty. 

She was gone. 

And only the traces of her lingered in her apartment. Her unwashed mug with leftover stale coffee was on the kitchen counter, specks of lipstick staining the mouth. Dirty clothes hanging on her bathroom door, forgotten and unwashed. The peachy scent of her purifier that always latches on to her clothes whenever we go out. Her unread books on her coffee table, some dog eared and annotated. 

Everything that I love about her is here except for her and I miss her. 

For the next couple of days, I dodged the media and focused on training, playing and practicing. Those three over and over again. I tried to not think about her and lose sleep because of her. An athlete’s wellbeing is connected to quality sleep. 

But she was everywhere I went. Pieces of her were scattered all over the places I avoided, and it was my fault really, for bringing her to places we usually hid. For hoping that someday, the secrets we hid would be our stories to tell. Now I just let her memories rot inside my heart, where she should be. 

I thought it would be easier when you just let it slip by but the more days that passed without seeing her, the more I feel a gnawing pain in my heart. She had sucked all my sunlight and took it all away with her. 

I want her back. 

=====================================

My Answer is You

Eleven days. It took me nine days to realize running away was a bad idea. 

When I first got off the bus, I thought the place looked familiar. Turns out, I rode the bus to my hometown, to the very south and the last bus stop until it turned around to go back to the city. 

When I appeared in front of my mom–the first time in a long time–she had immediately said, “Did something in the city?”

The moment she asked, I broke down in tears. She shushed and consoled me while I cried like a little kid. Like the way I had bawled to her when my first boyfriend broke up with me, or when my love birds died from illness, the other from loneliness. 

It feels like I would die of loneliness, Mom. I had said.

Did he really say that? Did he tell you that it’s over? She cooed.

I was embarrassed to admit to my mom that no, Shohei had never told me anything because I had shut him out even before I could give him the chance. But what if that call was already the end of it all? What if answering his call meant exactly what I had thought. That would shatter me more. 

So, no, Mom, you can call your daughter a coward but in her heart, it’s all over. 

The next forty-eight hours at home was a blur. After feeding me with what feels like a day’s worth of homemade dishes, she made me wash the dishes, clean my old room, and the living room as well. And when that wasn’t enough, she made me go with her to the night market and bought whatever seafood she could find to feed me. 

Is this what you did when Dad left? I wanted to ask her. Did you go around acting as normal while nursing a wounded heart? Did you go all through that facade just to show me that you were strong for the both of us?

She had her back to me, her hands pale and creased with age, showing signs of passage of time and her hardwork to put me to school. I know she was trying to make me busy to keep my mind off of Shohei. I’m not sure if she fully understands the scandal but she was trying her best to keep my head above the water. Probably just like how she always did. 

I wish I was strong like you, Mom. 

On the fourth and fifth day, she had let me work under the sun harvesting corn. Which I absolutely despised. I had to wear sun hats and these jumpers to cover myself from the heat. 

“It’s cheap labor for letting you stay and eat my food,” she said when I complained. “Tomorrow, you’ll help me sell these at the market.”

As the days grew idly by, I’ve grown more accustomed to rising early and eating less meat and more vegetables. I willingly went out of the sun more to do housework, like hanging clothes, watering Mom’s plants, however, I was still not willing to harvest her vegetables, which she made me do a lot. When I say a lot, it means everyday since then. 

On the eleventh morning, I woke up earlier than usual and found my mom already awake. She busied herself with a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning, mom.” I yawned, grabbing my own mug. 

“After breakfast, pack your things and go back to the city.” She said quietly.

“Huh?” I’m not sure I heard her right. Is she kicking me out?

She pushed today’s newspaper into my hands and pointed at an article. An article shows a picture of Shohei smiling at the camera, behind him was a framed candid photo of me turning my head just in time when the camera clicked, I was wearing a sleeveless shirt, a shawl draped over my shoulders, and the wind blowing my hair and covering my face slightly. Just by looking at the photo, it looked like a time when Shohei and I drove to the beach. He had brought his camera and took a lot of photos. 

The article said, “Portfolio on Love: Shohei Ohtani’s Photographs Displayed for A Cause.”

“....and when the powerhouse athlete gets a day off, he plays around his camera and takes photos of anything, everywhere. He reveals Insider Today that for the first time ever, he is displaying his portfolio to the public at the Grand City Museum starting today until the 31st of the month, with the theme of “hello, love, are you there?”

“...’I don’t know how else to define love but this. I hope when the public sees this, they will instantly know that my photographs are a reflection of my love,’ he said.

“When asked if this was a confirmation to the rumors flying around recently, he just smiled sadly and said, "I'm hoping that this answers everyone’s questions, especially hers.”

“If your face is plastered on all of the newspapers, it wouldn’t make sense to stay here longer.” Mom said after a while. She had finished her breakfast and took them away to the sink.

“It doesn’t end well if you’re too afraid, my darling.” she said, not looking at me. “To love and to be hurt is to be brave. If it doesn’t work out after facing him, then by all means. Come home. My doors are always open for you. And I will feed you rice cakes while you harvest my corn.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. She wasn’t a hugger but welcomed my hug and patted me on the shoulders. “Now go, before all the chismosas wake up and corners you.”

I packed my bags and left home, my heart pieced back together. It was not wrong to go home and seek shelter. What I did wrong was leaving Shohei all alone when he took most of the fall. 

Five hours, one taxi ride, and a ten minute walk later, I arrived at the city museum, nervous, anxious, feeling a little lightheaded and hesitant. I wiped my sweaty palms and got inside. 

It was not as packed as I had expected, probably because it was a little over after lunch, though there was still a relatively big crowd overall. 

When I stepped into the hall featuring Shohei’s displays, I felt a surge of emotion. It was a collection of all the photographs of his loved ones. In a black and white collection, he had photographed his parents holding hands while walking in the snow, a photo of his dog sleeping idly on his couch, a photo of the football stadium in a wide angle shot, showing Ippei and the rest of his teammates playing a warm up game before practice. 

When I turned to a corner, that’s when I saw it. There were multiple frames hanging intricately on one side, showing all of the photos he took of me. One during university days, where I was showing him a strangely large eggplant during our photo walks at the market. There was another with me looking at him angrily for reasons I couldn’t remember, and a more recent one, in the middle, where he was holding my hand while I walked forward, back facing the camera. 

On the metal plate below were words that read in cursive: “2009–present. Moments of love that I hold dear.”

At that moment, tears had started rolling down my cheek and I couldn’t help but sob. The onlookers nearby started moving away, probably weirded out by the sudden burst of emotion over some piece of art.

They weren’t just pieces of art. These were moments when Shohei and I were together and maybe realized that it was love.

By then, someone on my left offered a handkerchief and I gingerly took it, wiping my tears-strewn face. I muttered an apology for ruining the fabric.

“This is not the first time someone cried in front of my photographs. Some were absolutely heartbroken after seeing them.” a man’s voice said. And that reeled me back as I turned around and saw Shohei standing in front me.

“I knew this would lure you back,” he said, smiling.

His face was a little gaunt and tired. He had dark circles around his eyes that I’ve never seen before. I could only look at him and he looked back. I had so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things I wanted to explain but he spoke first and said:

“Did you get a tan?” he started, raising an eyebrow.

“I-I was harvesting corn!” I said, covering my face with both hands. I didn’t even have the time to put on makeup or a swab of lipstick and that’s the first thing he notices.

He took my hands and held them tightly against his chest. “No one looks this beautiful even after harvesting corn.”

“Shut up,” I said looking away.

He tipped my chin and held my face. “Let’s start again, shall we?” 

I raised an eyebrow in question.

“Hi, my name is Shohei Ohtani. I’m an athlete and an amateur photographer sometimes. I’ve been in love with the girl in the photographs since forever.”

I managed a smile and laced my hands around his neck. “Hi, I’m a ceramics maker and sometimes, a farmer, you should see the corn I harvest. You look so familiar. I think you look like my future boyfriend.”

His eyes perked up and laughed at our silly little game. He went in for a kiss and I obliged, feeling safe and brave in his arms.

Let them take the damn photographs and write the articles all they want, but they could never take my sunshine away ever again. 

[octuscle]

I'm your average joe who works an average desk job and at 45 I have nothing great going for me. Sometimes I just wish I could do it over again. Maybe take up a diffrent major in college, something that would set me up for a more adventurous life. Can you help me achieve this?

Okay, who wants to be average? And who wouldn't want to know what their life would have been like if they had made a different decision at some point? I mean, your decisions weren't actually bad. Bank apprenticeship, business studies, going to the gym twice a week… You have a house in the suburbs, a cool car. It could have been worse! But also better. We can manage that! Monday, 12:00 noon, let's get started!

When you finish work in the evening, you're still full of energy. Even though you worked until 19:00 today. It's paying off that you started making the gym your home seven months ago. When you arrive at the gym at 8 p.m., Steve greets you at reception with a fist bump. Everyone here greets you. Some of them are good friends of yours. The rest at least know you by sight. No wonder, you're here every day. In the morning before work. In the evening after work. And the effort pays off. From a very well-built man with the typical rolls of flab, you have developed into an athlete. A machine. Not one of the big boys. But close. You call it a day at 22:00. You need seven hours' sleep, you want to be back here at 07:00. One last critical look in the mirror. Not bad for a man in his mid-40s…

Get up, gym, office… You work like clockwork. You're good at your job. The development of your body has boosted your career. Today you have another lunch date with a division manager. He asks you if it's time to take the next step in your career. It's been two years since you moved to the "Digital Research and Development" division. That was also the initial spark for your physical transformation. As an accounting employee, you had previously become a lazy and saturated couch potato… You smile and, as if by chance, flex your huge biceps. You know that makes him hot. And the prospect of a blowjob after lunch is tempting. Of course, he immediately notices that your cock is getting hard… You have his hand in your crotch for the rest of lunch.

When you arrive at the gym at 7pm on Wednesday, you first have to go through your post. As the largest shareholder, you are only the chairman of the supervisory board. But many people confuse that with managing director. Idiots who are just stealing your precious time on the weights. Since you introduced the "Meathead Gym" brand and turned your old gym into the flagship of the new brand, you feel even more at home here. No classes, no machines, no women. Just honest, hard bodybuilding. Dress code is at least off-the-shoulder. In fact, shirtless is preferred. It goes without saying that you don't wear a tank top either.

You're the first one in the gym on Friday morning. Good thing you have the keys. You look around. Your empire. It was a big step to leave your good job almost eight years ago and start working at the fitness start-up. For hardcore bodybuilders, you are now the market leader as a fitness studio, but also in nutritional supplements and gym clothing. Steve arrives at 05:30. He has the early shift at reception. You greet him with a fist bump. Good man. A little weak in the chest. At least compared to you… But he'll get there!

You visit a school friend at the weekend. His son is a handsome stud. He could turn into a real gym hunk. He asks if he can take a selfie with you. Sure, I'd love to, you say. He asks you if you can give him any tips on what he should do now. He's finishing high school now. You ask him what position he plays football. He grins and says that he prefers to spend his time in the gym. You can see that. You tell your school friend to listen away for a moment. And then you tell your son that he shouldn't bother with college and university. You're glad you didn't do that either. You started pumping iron straight away. And then brought your dream to life. Live your dream, you tell him. And that you'd be happy if it could start at your company.

[studentbyday]

mid-week update (aka i was feeling like posting an aesthetic post today, regardless of how much i actually get done)

src: wallpapers.com + pinterest

these winter days, i often wake up and don't want to leave the warmth and softness of my bed or a stuffed toy 🧸 but then i tell myself it's not as bad as i think it is... and it usually isn't...

✅ stuff done:

biked ~20 mins

journalled

finished 1 more function for cs50 finance (3/7 done)

rested in bed before lunch bc i was really tired (tryna get used to waking up at 8 😪)

groceries

for some reason, this year i'm really struggling with the long, long nights 🤷🏻‍♀️

📸 media on my mind:

cozy writing vlogs (1 & 2) by christy anne jones (watched while exercising 🙂)

write with me in a beautiful old library (watched up to the 24 min mark while journalling)

tips for surviving (and enjoying) dark winters by cecilia blomdahl (who lives in svalbard where they experience polar night 😬)

⭐ the tips ⭐ - keep a strict sleep schedule (e.g. always get up before 9am) (perhaps try using a wake up light?) - power of mindset: put your happiness into the small things in life (e.g. morning coffee/tea, a good book) - gear up and get outside for fresh air (e.g. go for a walk) - eat well (veggies!) and take necessary supplements (consult a doctor) - make your space one you love, especially if you spend a lot of time at home (e.g. add lights, rearrange furniture to your liking) - exercise (good for physical and mental health!) - work-life balance: make time to do things you love

[ladyluscinia]

Ok so I was talking to @brigdh in this post about how Lily being a secret affair Zweig baby doesn't really compel me due to reasons BUT I do think rolling around the timeline more has given me an even better idea of how all the pieces can fit together so. Thoughts.

The Facts: In 2011 Atlanta (mid-late July) Tashi and Art are engaged with an unconfirmed length of time until the wedding (but the US Open Series is 7 weeks so certainly late-September is the earliest calendar availability), Art is on a winning streak toward the US Open that he will fail at some point after this, and Tashi and Patrick hook up (not realizing Art sees them together for a moment before they vanish). Lily is an unconfirmed age but can't have been conceived more than a few months out from this point, since if Tashi got pregnant in Atlanta that would put Lily a few months past 7 at New Rochelle.

Now, the timing here is a bit odd for several reasons. Tashi strikes me as pretty neutral on motherhood in her 20s/early 30s era. Like if she really didn't want a kid she wouldn't have one. She's not a bad mom. But at the same time she does have her mom in their entourage to do most of the childcare and is actively fuming about her husband wanting to retire to spend time with his family, so, like, I think you can reason motherhood fulfillment wasn't an urgent need for her (especially since waiting until Art's sports career 30s retirement would have been fairly normal behavior? I could easily see her actively wanting a kid when it becomes less a "not now" and more "not ever" decision, too). Art clearly wanted a kid, and that's exactly the kind of thing that couples vaguely discuss before engagement to make sure they are compatible.

It's just that, well, trying for a kid during your engagement is odd. Accident baby is a possibility, but Tashi has lots of money, access to birth control, and a highly regimented health and nutrition team living in her family's pocket and probably designing their life health plan + daily medication and supplement intake like a normal person could never dream of. It can always happen but like. The odds. So I don't see her getting pregnant in Atlanta in the first place (and as previously mentioned don't find Lily being Patrick's narratively interesting enough to one-in-a-million the whole thing either 🤷‍♀️).

What does happen in Atlanta? Art's first mental wobble.

He doesn't win the 2011 US Open despite being the favorite to do so. Knowing Art and the whole Art/Tashi/Patrick mess he probably got into his head, slipped into a downward spiral, and imploded dramatically. Tashi would have complicated feelings about that but also, crucially, she did just cheat on him with Patrick and even though she doesn't think he knows... Maybe it's possible she feels a bit guilty for the cheating and a bit more guilty for the undeniable possibility that she somehow threw off Art's game due to vibes or a distracted coaching slip up or something. Maybe this is complicated by their upcoming wedding which was going to be a celebration and turns into a consolation prize, and how this kind of loss cannot be good for Art's inferiority complex about how she is really bad at reassuring him she does love him.

Maybe Tashi is lying in bed just before the wedding or on their honeymoon or even on their actual wedding night and she's been thinking about Patrick and Art and how to say I'm sorry and I still love you without acknowledging she did anything wrong for days, you know, and maybe she finally decides this is the best idea she's got.

And then maybe she turns to Art (silent in the dark) and says, unprompted, "Let's not wait. Let's have that baby now."

[cowgurrrl]

Rockstar Joel Miller finding out he’s going to be a dad again ✨pretty please ✨

It’s not that you weren’t trying, but you definitely didn’t think it would ever happen. Maybe you’re on set and you pass out after a particularly strenuous day and they call your emergency contact (Joel) on the way to the hospital. When you get there, they run all the tests and give you fluids to make sure that you’re healthy and Joel is there by the time you wake up. He holds your hand and makes sure that you know that he’s right there with you, no matter what the results are. When the doctor comes in with an official looking clipboard and a nurse carting in some equipment behind him, he announces happily, “Well, it looks like you just had a little dizzy spell. You probably just need to drink some more water and maybe an iron supplement. All your vitals are normal and you and the baby are totally healthy.” And you and Joel blink at the doctor, your heart suddenly going a million miles an hour. “Did you… not know that you’re pregnant?” “Does this look like the face of someone who knows she’s pregnant?” You ask. Your mind is going five thousand directions all at once as the nurse says something about doing an ultrasound. The second you see the tiny peanut shaped blob on the screen, everything else fades away. She says something about the baby looking great for ten weeks and that they are developing normally.

When you and Joel are finally alone again, you turn to tell him that you’re sorry, you didn’t know, you can fix this, it’s okay, but he beats you to it. He wraps his arms around you and holds you, a few tears falling from his eyes and onto your neck. “We’re gonna have a baby,” he says. Once you get over the initial shock, you go through a million different emotions. Happiness because you and Joel are going to have a baby. Frustration and guilt because you’ve definitely been drinking and doing god knows what else but you didn’t know you were pregnant. Fear of how being pregnant/having a baby could affect your career. Things were just starting to fall into place and you weren’t sure if you were ready to give it all up but Joel assured you that he would never make you give up your career and you two would figure it out.

You two keep the pregnancy a secret for as long as you can, only telling the really important people in your lives about it. Sarah and Ellie are ecstatic if not a little worried for both of your sanities. It isn’t until you are about six months pregnant that you feel comfortable telling the world. You join Joel on a red carpet for one of your mutual friend’s TV show premieres and you wear a beautiful flowing gown that accentuates your baby bump and Joel stands proudly next to you with a hand on your stomach. All night, you each field questions about the baby. “How far along are you?” “Do you know what you’re having?” “How long have you known?” “What did your girls think about this news?”

You are a little more reserved in your answers, wanting to keep some things for yourself. You lie about not knowing the gender and keep your due date thinly veiled. “We aren’t sure what we’re having yet, but I know the girls have bet money on us having another girl. Everyone’s very happy and healthy and we’ll have a baby in our arms come summer.” Everyone congratulates you and wishes you a healthy delivery which is very sweet. You interrupt Joel doing an interview with a different reporter by kissing him on the cheek and wrapping an arm around his middle, cutting him off mid thought. His hand rests on your bump again and he smirks as he looks at the reporter. “I did that.” He says, and you smack his arm almost immediately.

The next day, flowers flood your kitchen with well wishes from costars, producers, other people in the music industry, and even the Russo brothers who you’ve never worked with but you know they were eyeing you for an upcoming film. You feel so loved and cherished and you know that you and Joel can face whatever is next as long as you have each other.

Bonus: instagram story posts during your pregnancy 🫶

[aipurjopa]

Oh azusawa kohane, the woman that you are…

[bonny-kookoo]

Kaleidoscope: Softness

In which you and Yoongi spend some alone time, and what used to be an intimidating and serious Yorian suddenly turns soft and gentle.

Tags/Warnings: poly!AU, Alien!AU, strangers to lovers, fluffy comfort, yoong looks all mean but he's a closeted cinnamon roll, soft hours

Length: Mid

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

It's quiet except for the noises of Yoongi moving around in the kitchen, while you sit at the table, legs swinging back and forth a little. You're spending today almost entirely just with him- both Jimin and Jungkook busy, leaving you in the oldest's care for today.

He shakes the bottle after putting your supplement powder in, and it's now that you notice that this is what he does.. all the time. He keeps track of your health, makes sure to buy foods that are good for you, and probably knows every brand of human-supplements on the market.

"Here." He says, putting your water bottle with the pink-ish liquid in front of you, and you immediately open it. Yoongi had complained in the beginning that you didn't want to actually take your supplements at all- eventually figuring out your ways of trying to avoid them at all costs, though after Jungkook had mentioned that there might be a reason for it, Yoongi had tasted the bland powder himself. Ever since then he mixes it with some fruity juice concentrate to make it taste better- and by now, the problem is simply forgotten. "What do you wanna eat today?" He asks absentmindedly, wiping the kitchen counter clean, before he turns around to face you.

While you still don't talk, it doesn't mean that you don't communicate. And sometimes Yoongi genuinely forgets that you don't speak- because by now, he himself has absolutely no issue understanding you at all.

You draw a shape on the table with your finger, one he easily recognizes as a heart. "You can't eat your favorite every day. What about something simple then?" He asks again, and you huff to yourself, making him chuckle.

For a long time, you thought Yoongi was just.. annoyed by your presence. But these days, with reactions like these, and that warm glimmer in his eyes, you realize that that's not the case.

He likes you just as much as the other two do.

"Don't make that face. You liked what jungkook made for himself last week, so I'm gonna make that as lunch, alright?" He offers, and you nod eagerly. Jungkook gets scolded by Yoongi often for eating randomly and sometimes even in the middle of the night- the Yorian having trouble adjusting to your human body's circadian rhythm. You yourself need time as well, considering that on this planet, there are no 24 hours in the day- but 30. It throws you off a lot of times during the day, but you've been slowly adapting to the normal day and night cycle this planet goes through.

Unbeknownst to you, it's Yoongi who's making these changes easy on you.

Having bought black-out curtains to keep the sun out of your room, opening them earlier and earlier each week so you can naturally adjust to wake up yourself. And every time you're still clearly not sleepy enough to go to bed yet, he will entertain you until you are to stretch the time until your body becomes tired. Jimin and Jungkook have both noticed already- constantly teasing the oldest about his caring behavior.

He's acting like a mate by now, rather than a simple caregiver to you.

"Hey-" Yoongi calls out when you get up to leave the kitchen, holding something out to you. "-but this stays between you and me." He warns with no actual threat, as you eagerly grab the sweet fruit snack he'd given you.

Though he's left a little bashful from the kiss you place against his cheek before running off.

[chu-diaries]

140 days of productivity: day 40/140

📸: howls moving castle’s picture i forgot to post yesterday + morning ride and walk + crossword puzzles

100 more days to go until the end of the year and of this challenge! I remember that day 40 (or something like that) of my mental healthcare challenge was special for me because it marked a significant improvement in my mental health. I hope that with this productivity challenge I will also enter a new phase, more positive and happier.

Today I woke up very early with my cat knocking over my things and I took the opportunity to organize my day. The weather was cool, so I went for a pleasant morning walk. I did household chores until mid-afternoon and exercised my mindfulness by cleaning this week's crops: radishes, lettuce, arugula, guava, coriander and pepper. I failed miserably and my racing mind exhausted me (but at least now the vegetables are properly stored in the fridge).

At the end of the afternoon a mix of sleepiness and irritation got the better of me and I couldn't concentrate on work. I forced myself to go to my yoga practice and it was the best decision I made. I came back more stable and rested. I hope that tomorrow I can have a calm day.

🌸: day 7/27

💧: 1,5 L

🧘🏻‍♀️: yoga practice (1 h)

🏃🏻‍♀️: outdoor walk (25 min)

🕯️: struggled with my brain but managed to get work done (4 h)

🪘: 🚫

🇰🇷: 🚫

🎧: pineapple slice - baekhyun

📺: 🚫

📚: the things you only see when you slow down - haemin sunim

🛑: 🚫

💊: vitamin c, omega 3 and iron supplements

[meg2md]

Finished Volume 41 of Berserk, the last of Miura's work before he died, and I am unwell. I can't believe I didn't know about this series before recently!!!! I'm wrecked. It got me through the first three weeks of this night block, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to survive the last week when I'll just be perseverating on the unfinished story :(

I still have work I need to do (M&M, AROM/FSE demos, surgical skills session paperwork) but I'm just not motivated.... All I want to do is re-read Berserk, go to the gym, and roleplay Guts and Casca fucking shit up in various video games :') at least I have this weekend off, because I've worked essentially three weeks straight and I'm tired

I got my first pull-up back at the end of August but haven't been able to progress past 1-2 with "ok" form and we're mid-way through October. I pulled the trigger on a pull-up bar and am going to try and focus my gym workouts on training specific muscles used for pull-ups but not unassisted pull-ups themselves, since I think too much of my limited gym time is wasted spinning my wheels with possibly questionable form when I could just do them at home when I have a spare second. I feasibly can only make it to the gym twice per week. There's just isn't enough time in residency to get all my extracurricular work done, clean my apartment, and enjoy life/hobbies/friends if I do any more than that. Which is sad. It's like, what's the point of life? Will I look back in 10, 20 years and actually be happy with everything I've accomplished? I don't think the answer is necessarily "yes" right now because I'm lonely and overworked and not sure what the point of anything is (lol I'm doing gr8) but that's another discussion. The only thing I know is that my physique/fitness/athleticism is one of the only things even remotely in my control, even if it still feels mostly out of my control due to residency constraints (poor eating habits, no time)

And yet we struggle on (gatsu <3)

I lost my 24/7 keycard to my gym so I'm going to hit the nursing school "gym" when I get off in the morning, plan for a "pull-up supplement" routine as follows:

Elliptical warm-up x10 min

Should rolls with bar, straight arm for warm-up

Inverted rows (with rings if able, otherwise barbell)

Bench press

Seated cable row

Superset tricep dips/t-arm raise

Superset dumbbell pull-overs/y-arm raise

Straight-arm Pushdown

Wide-grip scapula pull-ups

Dead hang

Ab exercise/hollow body rocks

General things to focus on for pull-ups:

External arm rotation for scapular activation, chest up;

Generate push-up/pull-up/bench press from muscles between shoulder blades; don't pull from hands - imagine arm is upper jaw, side is lower jaw and "biting down" to close versus "pulling up" (drive from your lats)!;

Body curls - bring legs up to bar

Target wide grip because it's my weakness, can focus on lats and small shoulder blade muscles

Practice hard movements, assisted if needed, to develop neuromuscular patterns - don't break form!! Stay within ROM with good form!! High rep/volume these movements

Focus on shoulders AWAY from neck for pull-ups and push-ups; engage back

[crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf]

With chapter 8 we're halfway through Disgrace!... Tentatively. Consider this the mid season finale as the story breaks into Act II.

I'm glad I got the chapter out before the holidays cause that's really gonna eat up my time over the upcoming weeks. I know I'm only releasing one to two chapters a month but we'll probably be on a semi hiatus over December while I focus on other more pressing and irl matters. I desperately want to make some good spreads for CloneXOC week plus some supplemental Tahny content so I might be doing that here and there.

Granted I can keep my word about taking a break lol. I DO have to keep polishing though, chapters 9 and 10 are fresh out the brain pan and not ready for reading yet. We're working on it and Chapter 11 is going good so far. Let's see if I can remember there's a plot in this somewhere.

[octuscle]

Hello is this Chronivac Support? I've been trying to use your app to become a really beefy and big russian bodybuilder but I can't seem to get past the changes page. I always wanted to be like the ones in the movies that speak no nonsense and get shit done all the time while looking like I rip through t-shirts on the daily and as a russian american myself I'm a bit envious of their looks...

But then you obviously have the right genes, so something can be done. I can't quite understand why nothing has happened so far… Probably your change requests were not formulated precisely enough. I have now formulated it as follows: You become one year younger every day. And every day you have lived one year longer formally in the gym. Since the invasion of Ukraine in the Ukrainian village in Chicago, before that in Sevastopol. There you had your own gym, now you use your good contacts to different laboratories to bring more or less legal substances to the USA. You yourself are clean, all natural!Just lie down and relax, I'll activate the transformation in 15 minutes! Now lie down and relax, I'll activate the transformation in 15 minutes!

When you wake up the next morning, not much has changed. Except your bed. It is now in a small boarding house in Chicago. You turn on the television. Russian news. Even though it's nasty propaganda, it's still a piece of your culture. There's something Russian in you, too. To wake up, you do a few push-ups. And then off to the gym. Before you open the training area, you want to lift some iron yourself. You still feel a little lost among all the bulks. But the training is starting to have an effect, and in your mid-30s you still have a good chance of achieving a lot. Besides, you like the guys here. Many refugees from Ukraine. But also young guys from Russia who fled the war effort. All with their hearts in the right place. And most of them good customers when it comes to nutritional supplements…. After you've cleaned up and wiped through, you stand in front of the mirror and do a few poses. Yes, you're starting to see something. You are quite satisfied.

The next mornings always the same routine that you had since the hasty departure from Sevastopol. It was actually quite a good idea, as a Russian-born man, to set up a business there. Nobody could have guessed that war would break out after such a short time. Now you are building up your new business here and you are actually quite satisfied. For the Russian-Ukrainian community, especially for the young men, you have already become a central point of contact. And you yourself have been able to make good use of the year and a half here to put on some muscle. You are definitely no longer one of the little boys here. And the really big boys come at lunchtime to eat your special protein pirogues. You just have to be inventive to build and keep clientele. And with you, necessity was the mother of invention.

After one week, the transformation is complete. You are still living in the boarding house where you moved in after fleeing from the Crimea. But in the meantime it belongs to you. Fortunately, you were able to sell your well-functioning gym in Sevastopol through straw men and continue a good part of your import and export business. You miss Crimea. You are 28, at the age of 21 you returned to your parents' homeland to seek your fortune. And in the end you found it in your old homeland. Even though you have a heavy Russian accent, you were born here. Even though you met most of your friends here on the Black Sea, it was emigration to the USA that really brought you together.

And even if you are officially American, no one can get the Russian out of you. No one is more of a man than a real Russian!

[oldschoolfrp]

(Someone asked for my thoughts about the current OGL debacle, and compared it to how TSR handled its properties in its final years as a company; Tumblr twice ate my reply and deleted the original question)

From the earliest days of D&D a big part of its appeal has been the way it encourages players to create and share their own worlds. The initial appearance of the game sparked the rise of a host of amateur fanzines and third-party small press publishers whose efforts helped increase the popularity of TSR's core product. As TSR grew, it extended various licenses for official supplements, with an uneasy tolerance of ‘generic’ material that didn’t claim to be official.

As competition increased, Gygax seemed more irritated with others engaging with his game on their own terms.  Instead of writing as much about imagination and creativity he often focused on promoting the right way to play. He wasted pages of space in Dragon magazine railing against the small presses and accusing them of making inferior unauthorized products that deceived unsuspecting gamers in the marketplace.

After forcing Gygax out in the mid-80s, Lorraine Williams saved TSR through aggressive expansion, but an attempt at total market dominance helped cause its final financial crisis in the 90s.  The company produced too many of its own new games and official supplements split between too many different genres and campaign worlds, dividing its own customer base among an unsustainable number of products that competed with each other.

That was back then. As for now, I think:

As a consumer of some recent third-party content for 5e and B/X D&D I've been pretty happy with the thriving community of creators making free and commercial supplements, and I hope no one tries to place roadblocks in their way.

That’s about it.  I think I'm not the best person to comment on the details of the allegedly more restrictive leaked OGL 1.1 because:

I have no inside information or contacts with the legal representation of Hasbro, Inc, and

I myself am not a publisher of OGL-based material who would be directly threatened with financial loss by any of the changes that might occur.

It's understandable that independent authors and publishers would be worried about a possible threat to their businesses. It is especially concerning that the company at the center of all this has mostly remained silent for several weeks while anger and fear has been amplified. The last official statement was back on December 21, in which they insisted that independent creators would still be able to keep doing what they have been doing, and mentioned new threats like NFTs as an example of why they felt the old legal language needed an update:

https://www.dndbeyond.com/posts/1410-ogls-srds-one-d-d

Unfortunately when I see this topic being promoted on Twitter and YouTube, many of the top suggestions are clearly bad-faith click-bait performance art by people selling anger as entertainment, which isn’t going to help anyone understand the actual issues.  I won’t engage with the worst of those.

There are some good takes on the topic here -- @mostlysignssomeportents explained some reasons why publishers probably never needed the OGL and could be better off without it, and @prokopetz has some observations on why the OGL made people more comfortable about quoting the official rules and where things might be headed.