#metatron is a total bastard

[cuddyclothes]

Okay, some Thoughts about Good Omens 2 and that ending and stuff

Disclaimer: I’ve never read the book. I’ve never heard the radio show. Beware, there is criticism under the “keep reading” as well as my analysis of the ending. I’m using male pronouns but feel free to substitute the ones you prefer.

I loved “Good Omens 2″. And have rewatched it at least three times, as well as having it on in the background. And watched clips on YouTube, especially of the ending. I’VE CRIED A FUCKING RIVER. The beginning with Angel!Crowley squealing and squeaking with happiness over his new universe is cute and heartbreaking.

And naked Jon Hamm! Who doesn’t love naked Jon Hamm? He is hilarious.

But here were my problems as I was watching it. First: Crowley’s present day hair. Hated it, hated it, hated it. The little curl bobbing around when he moved his head kept distracting me. It was a beautiful red first season, and all of the hairstyles were lovely, especially when it was long!!

What’s with the color and curls? Aziraphale’s hair is still the same. And no full-on serpent eyes!

And no odd little noises. What happened to the odd little noises?

The plot was thin. Hanging the whole thing on something as small as Gabriel’s disappearance after the enormity of S1 left it a tad lacking. The Nazi zombie “minisode” was irritating. If you’re going to have Nazi zombies, don’t let them stumble out and kill more people! Also, it was so SATISFYING when they were killed. (Does that count as retcon?) The zombies were mainly there so we could watch Aziraphale play with the feather boa and be flustered all over the place. It was so unnecessary. It would have been better minus Nazi zombies. But zombies are all the rage these days, so I guess you have to have them.

I’m generally down with the horror side of things, except for those poor graveyard guards, doomed to fall forever. And why did Maggie love Nina so much? Nina was basically a grump who barely smiled and certainly gave her no encouragement. I know they were supposed to mirror the main couple but it was pretty weak tea. The more anvilicous, the less enjoyable. Seriously, I didn’t give a shit. The only part I liked was when they told Crowley to back off.

While I knew when watching that the series was mostly fan service on a silver platter garnished with parsley, I still enjoyed it. I would watch Michael and David talk about coding. (In my day we’d say read the phone book but do phone books even exist any more?) However, again, my toes are broken from all of the anvils. I squirmed at how shameless it was. I knew there would be fan art and fan fiction and GIFs out the wazoo, so who am I to piss on somebody else’s fun? But for me, there were moments when I wanted to say, “tone it down a little! We get it!” 

Especially since Aziraphale was such a prissy little fluff ball through the whole season. Does anyone else think S1 Aziraphale would have been a ferocious warrior when the demons showed up? Rather than “oh dear, here girls, you fight the devil’s army!” He could have yeeted the demons into the holy circle! By the way, who made the holy circle? When he calls, “Anybody there?” who answered?

And, and, AND there was no significant fights between Aziraphale and Crowley! Remember “How can somebody so clever be so stupid!”?  When the conflict between the main characters is insignificant (until the end) it diminishes the whole stakes. Which is why I feel like the ending was hastily slapped on, even if it did rip my heart out of my chest.

But I’ve thought a lot about the ending, and I think Metatron played Aziraphale like a harpsichord. Do you think for one minute Metatron thinks Aziraphale could lead Heaven and a huge project like the Second Coming? Of course not, he thinks Aziraphale is a chump. Azi will think he’s in charge while Michael and Uriel walk all over him.

Aziraphale didn’t want to go to Heaven, but Metatron flattered him AND offered to let Crowley return as bait. That did it, because Azi can be an idiot at times. Remember how he thought he could go have a word with Heaven and straighten everything out in S1? When Crowley says no, Aziraphale has made a promise and I don’t recall him ever being able to break a promise. When they kiss he’s hopelessly confused and crying. 

Metatron comes along, Azi almost protests that he doesn’t want to go, but again, he made a promise. This is just me, but when he’s in Heaven’s elevator, as we watch it go up, we see him slowly being brainwashed

[beaniegaebie]

i don't really have any solid conclusions about this yet but i noticed A Thing in a rewatch and i haven't found it mentioned elsewhere yet so here we go

(apologies for the appalling image quality you're about to see, i can't screenshot easily rn pls bear with)

OKAY so in the scene where crowley confronts gabriel about "shut up and die", something about the arrangement of book stacks caught my eye a little

the majority of the books are angled so that we mostly just see the page edges and not the spines clearly, EXCEPT for a particularly shiny and familiar colour combo right here-

but nothing too weird going on there, i thought, crowley coloured books in a bookshop so what? right up until i registered crowley's line when we get a closer look-

hhhhmmmmMMmmmm yes yes "everything just the way you wanted" huh, very interesting considering that we know how much thought goes into props huh

and for most of the shots we get of crowley in this position those freaking books are just quietly nestled right there in the corner-

look at that god damn framing i fuckin see you, you glorious bastards

so i paused to see if i could figure out what the hell was up with those fuckers and this is when i absolutely lost my mind, your honour

A and C you say?? in crowley colours???? framed like this?????? localised entirely within your kitchen???

anyway long story short they're two books from an Agatha Christie Crime Collection set (24 volumes, three stories per volume) and guess whats on the mfing front covers I'm-

(its a rant for another post but when paired with this other set of initials spotted in s2 i want to scream actually)

ANYWAY back to the books, through an absolutely unhinged comparison of the formatting of gold text blobs i reckon the two we have here are:

(on top) The Pale Horse; The Big Four, The Secret Adversary

(on bottom) 4:50 From Paddington, Lord Edgeware Dies, Murder in Mesopotamia

(I'm fairly confident but if anyone has a better image to confirm/correct this pls do)

now here is where I'll need a bunch of help from some Christie-heads out there bc I haven't read any of these and I've only seen the tv adaptation of one of them, so i dont know for sure if these are like A Clue, or A Cool Thing, or if I've just fully brainrotted myself into a fun lil corner here? wa-hoo

but here's some initial stuff that jumped out at me after skimming the basics:

(some of) the titles: Pale Horse/Big Four - death's horse ofc, the four horsemen mayb? the them+adam?? ; Mesopotamia is a very biblical choice bbz ; 4:50 From Paddington- azi likes trains i guess? idk that one's tenuous lmao ; honestly no idea with the other two but Secret Adversary feels a tad ominous

iirc Big Four just has kind of an unusual history, it was initially twelve short stories that she later compiled into one, and it was published fairly soon after christie's mysterious disappearance/reappearance

in Big Four, poirot fakes his death at one point and doesnt even let hastings in on it and I'm hoping sure its totally irrelevant to the ineffable bois

part of the Pale Horse story is a group of assassins that basically try to pass off all their murders as being actually caused by like ✨satanic powers✨ which is interesting

christie knew a fUCkton about poisonings thats why she wrote so many into her work and, while i don't believe the poison coffee theory myself, it sure is an interesting link with how cyanide is associated with almond smell/flavour and that metatron chooses almond syrup in particular

(ALSO random side note that is mostly meaningless but I've worked in a good few uk coffee shops and have never worked anywhere that stocks almond syrup; almond milk yes, hazelnut syrup yes, but never almond syrup...? prob just the places i worked though lmao)

EDIT forgotten point: I've seen some speculation that the bently's plate reading "CURTAIN" could be a reference to poirot's last story, along side that alternate scene of crowley ordering the sherry for "miss marple", its just one too many agatha christie references for my melted brain to handle and I'm SUS

so this is where i run out of idea steam and hand it over to you lot because i have no clue what this could mean, if it even means anything other than a cool set feature

is there something here actually or am i yelling into the void just for fun?

who knows, who cares!

[im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley]

I think I talk a lot about loving Crowley, but now I want to talk about Aziraphale because the reasons I love him most I think are perhaps worth sharing.

Going back to heaven: Yes, he totally destroyed us. But it's an attempt to change a system, and you have to think about the fact that heaven is not a system like any government you can find in our reality. It is an entity that CREATED THE UNIVERSE. The level of power that heaven has is something unimaginable next to any equivalent in our world. And this angel had the audacity to say: Yes, I'm going to try to fix it.

You broke my heart, AND you made me love you more in the process. The fucking audacity

Being Enough of a Bastard: Have you ever noticed those moments where Aziraphale throws out phrases that seem innocent, but at the same time if you think about it too much, they are a... my life what are you doing?

Commenting to Gabriel about human clothing after Gabriel despised human food.

Asking Crowley if he had better ideas or ONE better idea

Challenging authority: He does it in a subtle way, he does it in a way that minimises the risk of retaliation, but he does it.

Being in a room full of high ranking angels and high ranking demons and just telling them "shut up and let's see what Beelzebub and Gabriel want" MY LIFE I LOVE YOU

When he was trying to save Job's children.

In his conversation with Metatron. Yes, he eventually gave in, but he was defying him.

In hell when he was pretending to be Crowley

I am not usually inclined to love characters who are defined as the "always do the right thing" the "morally right" the "good one"

I tend to respect those characters, but they are not usually the character that makes me go: OH GODS I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MANIPULATE REALITY TO MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT FOR YOU, YOU ARE THE MOST PERFECT BEING I'VE EVER SEEN

And Aziraphale does that. And at the same time, he is enough of a bastard. And oh fuck, how much i love that bastard part

Also, I can't leave here without mentioning Michael "acting choices" Sheen. I've never been so interested in an actor that I started watching every single thing they acted in as if my life depended on it, BUT I'M DOING IT FOR THIS MAN

Every expression he chooses to make, every movement, reflects so well the reality of Aziraphale that I can only say that it's perfection

I believe in perfection simply because I saw Michael Sheen being Aziraphale, and Aziraphale being Aziraphale

[very-normal-abt-this]

hypothesis on what Aziraphale was thinking during the elevator ride (s2e6)

They rode the elevator in silence. Hundreds of thoughts raced through the Angel's panicked mind, as he tried to figure out what just happened.

But after panic, came anger.

Anger, which was caused by an answer to the sudden question that arose in his mind. The question was - How is HE the best angel for the job of "wrapping things up" on Earth? That actually made absolutely no sense. Certainly, after Aziraphale thwarted the last attempted Armageddon, Metatron was highly aware of Aziraphale's disapproving stance on Earth obliteration and on starting wars between Heaven and Hell. So then...why would the Metatron recruit him??

Aziraphale could think of only one reason that made any sense. He suddenly remembered what the angels had said about the combined miracle performed by Crowley and himself - "almost 25 Lazarii", and they had barely put any effort into it. (Metatron's plan all along was to separate us, in order to prevent us from interfering in their plans again!) Aziraphale realized that Metatron was probably *betting* on Crowley rejecting the offer to come back to Heaven. It was probably the lynchpin of his entire plan. On top of that, the bastard also used Aziraphale's affection for the demon as bait, to get him to consider the offer, while knowing the whole time that Crowley would never go for it. (Unbelievable. Actually...completely believable, but still. Unbelievable). Aziraphale was absolutely seething. Metatron had played him for the fool. He had played both of them. (And we completely fell for it. United we stand, divided we fall...isn't that some famous human expression?) Aziraphale tried very hard to control his facial expressions, trying not to let his bitterness and disgust be overly apparent. He wasn't totally successful...

After anger, came resolve.

(So, you think you've tricked me? You think you've neutralized your biggest threat? Fine. Good on you. I will let you think that. And I will use that to my advantage.) Aziraphale was thinking that it is all up to him now. That he WILL figure out a way to stop this from happening. Once and for all. He has to. Aziraphale's eyes darted around the elevator, as he considered his nex steps.

The elevator was slowing down now, and Aziraphale knew that the doors will be opening in a few seconds. He steeled himself internally, and stuffed all his genuine thoughts and emotions very deep, and very far away from his face. He then conjured up the most pleased/excited smile that he could muster.

The problem is - Aziraphale was never good at hiding his emotions. He tended to wear his heart on his sleeve, and his emotional state was usually quite obvious to those around him.

So, as often happens with disingenuous and forced expressions of emotions that are the opposite of how we are actually feeling - Aziraphale's "pleased/excited smile" came out as over the top, maybe even mildly grotesque. But he didn't care. He knew that most angels had a very limited understanding of emotional expression. And...they had a very limited understanding of him.

(full fic located here https://archiveofourown.org/works/50747473/chapters/128195287)

[tonydaddingham]

What is your take on the whole "the Metatron threatened Aziraphale off-screen & Aziraphale lied to protect Crowley" theory that seems to have become very popular in the fandom? Personally, I think it does raise some interesting points, but I'm not sold on it for a variety of reasons. I love your metas btw! ❤️

hi anon!💕 thank you so much, that's very kind of you!

gosh, been a while since i've had a meta ask!✨ hmm. tbh, im in two camps, and i do think there's some merit in the two of them matching up. i wrote a couple of posts on this, breaking down the final fifteen practically shot-by-shot, and have read countless different takes from other brilliantly observant people, but essentially my thought process is this (lengthy explanation under the cut, im afraid - im a bit meta-rusty):

aziraphale did not want to go to heaven. that much is clear from the two refusals he gives the metatron. furthermore, he rejects heaven for what it currently is and what it stands for (and, arguably imo, reaches the end of his tether with god, too) in s1, when he realises that heaven is also firmly working to bring about armageddon. that it wasn't just the agenda of the archangels; the metatron, the voice of god, confirms that war is the goal, no matter the collateral. and god does not intervene. this continues throughout s2; aziraphale is notably still disdainful of heaven, is happy enough being separated from it... but it should be noted that he has replaced heaven, and the structure and comfort it offered him, with crowley ("it's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done... now that im not reporting to heaven...")

i do think what we're shown on screen is accurate. there's allowance for the fact that the flashbacks to the aziraphale-metatron conversation may be biased and therefore unreliable, being from aziraphale's pov, but... i don't think there will be anything necessarily revealed that wasn't shown to us in the FF. there might be snippets of that conversation that he's kept from crowley, but has essentially seen fit to share with the audience... so personally i think it's accurate, and nothing is missing. and tbh, if nothing else, it would feel narratively cheap if the 'solution' to the FF was in something being purposefully withheld from the audience. in that respect, i do take the FF at face value

we know that aziraphale has a low evaluation of himself. it's presented to us that he's evidently hedonistic and enjoys earthly pleasures just as much as crowley does, but i don't think it's as evident until shax's jabs during the demon raid just how much aziraphale actually might be - frankly - ashamed of these things. i think on a fundamental level he likes being an angel, it's all he's ever known. but even if he accepts that he may be a bit of a bastard - is even slightly proud of it - i think he's equally self-conscious of the fact that who he truly is will never be enough for heaven, god, or to warrant his own angelhood, and all these things he enjoys equally serve as a source of shame in how far it removes him from what his belief on what a good angel should be

in the same vein, he's caught between the devil and the deep blue sea in that he might feel that he's not enough for crowley, either. case in point for me, unfortunately, is that crowley has constantly reaffirmed that they are both on their own side, but when aziraphale opts to shelter gabriel, arguably the right thing to do for many reasons but ultimately because that's the kind of person aziraphale is (imo), crowley retracts it... possibly unconsciously, and completely understandably, but aziraphale definitely notes it ("i thought we carved it out for ourselves!") and his resulting petulant, bratty dismissal is textbook responding to rejection with rejection. especially when aziraphale clearly was not totally on side with "our own side" at the end of s1, but has come around to it and accepted it in the four years since. so, it feels like aziraphale has done what he considers to be the right thing to do, a core principle of who he is in modern day (having learnt some very hard lessons along the way) but that's enough for crowley to take back everything he had said previously

aziraphale loves crowley, that much is evident. and he may well remember the angel that crowley used to be with some degree of fondness. however, a) im not sold that the pre-fall flashback is aziraphale's POV, and b) that does not mean that aziraphale preferred crowley as an angel. imo, he fell for crowley whilst he was a demon, but because crowley was crowley. a demon that pretends otherwise, but is at heart, just a little bit, a good person. the concept of good is important to aziraphale, but he hasn't removed it from being a purely angelic trait. ergo, i think he considers crowley to have fallen unfairly, that it was a gross injustice (and i say this fully believing that 'just asking questions' may not have been the reason why crowley fell), and that if anyone deserves to be restored - to be forgiven and essentially be asked for forgiveness in return - its crowley

similarly, i think we can be led to assume that aziraphale doesn't actually know anything about crowley's fall, nor his actual thoughts and feelings on the matter. all he knows is what crowley told him - "sauntered vaguely downwards" - and up until the FF crowley hasn't truly (as far as i can recall) ever declared that he doesn't want the chance to be an angel again. he's obviously derisive of heaven, that is very clear, but when he states "unforgivable, that's what i am", i think that registered to aziraphale that crowley might feel like he won't be forgiven, but doesn't mean he wouldn't want it. all the sneers crowley has volleyed at heaven and the archangels might have been, up until now, simply been anger and resentment for something that was unfair in the first place. add to this that crowley has been placed in danger on multiple occasions by hell, and again i think the offer of restoration - to be beyond the reach of hell altogether - is lucrative to aziraphale... and it's now within his power to give.

so. i do think that there is an implicit threat in the aziraphale-metatron discussion. aziraphale visibly becomes very uncomfortable when crowley is brought up, the exact nature of their relationship heavily implied as not having escaped the metatron's notice. aziraphale is not happy as he walks back to the bookshop, and he's erratic and scattered when he delivers the news and offer to crowley. a threat may not have been intended, let alone been vocalised, but i do think aziraphale feels under threat of some kind... that any way you slice it, he doesn't feel like he has any choice in returning to heaven, and instead chooses to make hay whilst the sun shines etc.

but equally... i think aziraphale believes the best in everyone and everything. he has constantly been ostracised, mocked, or ignored as being irrelevant to heaven - and even himself perhaps wonders if he should be an angel at all. but here the metatron is, recognising that aziraphale might be "the angel for the job". whilst i don't think aziraphale buys in to the metatron's flattery, because im fairly sure that the angel as demonstrably intelligent as he is would potentially consider that the flattery is superficial and overplayed (especially given how nearly all of it contradicts the s1 conversation that he and the metatron had), i do think aziraphale might be thinking '...yeah, i am the angel for the job. just not the job you're intending'.

metatron mentions nothing about 'making a difference', but that's exactly what aziraphale tries to implore with crowley; that they could change things, and him being in charge - with crowley by his side, in on the subterfuge - might just be what is required. exactly as the people they currently are. there is something about heaven that aziraphale believes is worth saving, and i think that's where the "its the side of truth, of light... of good" comes in. qualities that he thinks heaven should be, was always meant to be, and he could restore. crowley however considers the endeavour to be utterly pointless.

i also think there's an element of doublespeak going on... kinda. more specifically, that aziraphale is speaking to two audiences in the scene (three, if you count us!); he's talking in a way that sounds entirely like he's dancing to metatron's tune, that he's heaven's man through-and-through... but also in a way that he's trying to sell the idea to crowley in turn - and is speaking in a way that won't tip either audience off to the full reality of the situation as he sees it. i wouldn't go so far as to say it's a code, though - e.g. i personally don't accept the ''time out' signal but crowley missed it' theory - but instead that he's trying to lead the metatron into underestimating him, and also perhaps downplay the exact truth of the situation from crowley. if crowley were to know that aziraphale is frightened or uneasy, or felt under threat in any way, i think he might be afraid that crowley would do something drastic, or at least inadvertently give 'the game' away. nonetheless though, he has to reveal some of his true intentions to crowley, in order to bring him on side - just very subtly.

regarding the restoration offer - kinda went over it above, but i do think aziraphale genuinely thought that crowley would want it, and would take it not just so he could be an angel again, but also in order to help change heaven and be with aziraphale. that being said, as he walks into the bookshop, i think a part of him recognised it might be a hard sell, and instead aziraphale would need to frame it in a way as being like... a disguise, or a cover, or some sort? but aziraphale severely underestimated crowley's feelings on heaven and angelhood, even if i don't think it was an unfair assumption to make, either. aziraphale was excited about it because it was something he could actually give crowley, something within his power to bestow - to right a wrong that he's possibly always thought was a gross injustice ever since job.

god im sorry this has taken so long but - no, i don't think the metatron threatened aziraphale off-screen, but i do think aziraphale feels threatened by the discussion and implications within it, and whilst feeling that he has no way out, instead opts to return to heaven to exact his influence - as an angel that's not like the rest of them - and to play his own game... to do the right thing, and make a difference.

and no, i don't think he lied to crowley to protect him. i think he had to toe a line between 'the metatron might somehow be able to hear and observe us, so i have to speak in such a way that makes it seem im on heaven's side', and 'what i say to crowley has to be without cottoning him onto the fact that i feel threatened, bc a) he might do something silly and b) the metatron would know, but what i say also has to be worded so that he can see why i truly want to go back'.

thank you for the ask, i really enjoyed it!!! sorry you have to read an essay tho oops💕

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

@kimberleyjean ok, you asked for this, its cursed and I'm sorry.

So first off I'm NOT going to try to explain what Supernatural is. Its a garbage fire, and I am unfortunate enough to be one of the feral, touch-starved gays to live in said garbage fire. Its the best show ever but all of its accidental, its the worst show ever in terms of anything that was done on purpose, etc etc. You're on tumblr you know the drill

Anyway, before GOs2's "Final Fifteen", the ONLY connections between GO and SPN were:

A demon in spn is named Crowley, in an homage to GO Crowley. They are alike, but they are NOT the same character and I don't think it can be argued that they're the same person in different forms (bc with demons that would be possible). They are however both Scottish, greasy and have a deep disrespect for authority. I do HAVE a theory/hc connecting the two Crowleys but that's another post for another day. Weirdly, SPN!Crowley (who I'm going to call Fergus from here on out, bc even though nobody in spn or the fandom calls him that, it is his canonical first name) has very little to do with anything I'm about to say. Just fyi, he exists.

Secondly, The Hillywood show did a Supernatural parody back in 2014-ish. I will link it below if you're curious, but again not much in this video is ACTUALLY RELEVANT to what I'm about to say (however, Fergus is there. He's the Scottish guy)

However, the specific arcs of Supernatural that SURROUND the season/topic this parody is centered on (Mark of Cain arc, ~s9-10) are where the coincidences get weird, and ok now I do have to talk about Supernatural a bit.

mmmfffff. Okay so the Metatron is a greasy, annoying, manipulative, power-hungry bastard who lies every time he speaks, wants full rule over Heaven and will control anyone and wreck anything he can to get there....

...and I'm talking about the version of the Metatron from Supernatural. LONG tldr, Dean (buzz cut, older brother, guy who's in love with an angel, the guy who says the news headlines in the Destiel meme) takes this thing/curse/whole other mess called the "Mark of Cain" to kill this kinda super-powerful arch-demon called Abaddon (more on her later), and blah blah blah Supernatural Happens For A Bit, and due to the Mark's curse making Dean act like a total psycho (and also, its implied, slowly turning him into a demon) they try to get help from the Metatron, who had been locked up after... well.

-when God was no longer contacting heaven, Metatron ran away from Heaven and hid on earth because he thought that the angels would use the Word of God (which the Metatron holds) "wrong" or something

-later, took advantage of strife & power vacuums in Heaven to manipulate Cas (angel, deeply autistic, the guy who says "I love you" in the destiel meme, in love with Dean) into doing a spell that CAUSED ALL OF THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN TO FALL, for no reason other than the Metatron is an actual pissbaby.

anyway, Metatron claims he can help Dean, that was a lie (shocking, I know), Metatron pulls some bs including basically stealing Cas' life-force (a second time. the first time was when he was ALREADY fucking w Cas as mentioned above) and runs off back to heaven... along with Gadreel, who he has manipulated/convinced to help him take power in Heaven.

who's Gadreel?

well. he's the angel who let the Serpent (or in this canon, just Lucifer) into the Garden of Eden, and he was cast into Hell to be tortured forever or something as punishment. However, after Metatron's earlier all-the-angels-falling scheme, Gadreel (for reasons I'm not too sure of tbh) took the name/identity of a VERY highly-regarded and powerful angel named Ezekiel, who died of his injuries during the fall

^this last part is a detail I try hard not to think about. this is because the names and roles are JUST similar enough to GO's Ineffable Husbands for the implications make me very, very sad.

Anyway, Gadreel had been around spn canon before, posing as Ezekiel, possessing Sam blah blah blah shit happened

Anyway this is a whole lot of words to say that the season/s of SPN that The Hillywood Show was parodying were the seasons where the Metatron was a main villain, and attempted/temporarily succeeded in taking power in Heaven BY MANIPULATING THE GUY WHO LET THE DEVIL INTO THE GARDEN OF EDEN

and then The Hillywood Show (who tbh I almost feel bad for lmao like BRUH) got signed to produce the parody/teaser/release date announcement for GOs2. Where the Metatron...

yeah.

yeahhhhhh

I would have LOVED to see the Hillywood Show team's live and immediate reaction to the Final Fifteen because I can't even imagine what must have been going through their heads.

ah yes. the FUCKING Metatron

oh also in spn, the Metatron (its complicated but basically)severely/fatally wounds Cas, and straight-up KILLS Dean, but Dean resurrects as a demon (for a few eps at least), meaning that Metatron DID technically try, and almost succeeded in, killing both members of an angel/demon gay couple, if only bc timing lined up so that Metatron was an antagonist in the arcs where Dean was turning into a demon.

so yeah

anyway I mentioned we'd get back to Abaddon so here's those major spoilers I mentioned. I'm fairly sure these are real spoilers and not theories, since my source is wikipedia

that's the whole article, there's not much else on her on wiki (though I should really do more research on Muriel). I think I heard Neil say somewhere that he created Muriel because "he wanted an angel character, from Heaven, who was 'just nice'" but idk if anything specific has ever been said about her name.

anyway that's why the Metatron gave Muriel that book "The Crow Road" in the Final 15, why he likes her so much, and why he's having her stay on earth

"The Crow Road" is a book about the nature of Death, and Metatron is, for lack of a better/less problematic word, grooming Muriel for the role of angel of Death in the apocalypse (Abaddon being a VERY prominent figure in revelations, for those who weren't aware)

...so on top of all the other Supernatural/Hillywood-Specific coincidences, sure, let's have Abaddon too.

uhhhhh

yeah

[phantom-of-the-501st]

The Metatron and Crowley

⚠️ Spoilers for Good Omens 2 ⚠️

°•°•°•°

I keep seeing people saying that The Metatron hates Crowley because he knows that he may be a threat when paired up with Aziraphale: he's trying to get him out of the way because of the whole 25 Lazari thing.

But I stand by the fact that he doesn't just hate him for that. I don't think it started there. Nor do i think it started at Armageddon. That bastard has hated Crowley since he fell from Heaven because there is no way that he wouldn't be pissed off by someone ruining Heaven's perfect reputation.

"For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice makes it look like there is some sort of institutional problem."

This suggests that Gabriel retaliating isn't the first time this has happened: someone has done this before. So, who could it be? I mean, it could be referring to Lucifer, but I doubt it. A) He's not a particularly integral character in the plot, so it doesn't seem totally necessary to bring him up. B) We already have a fallen angel (who is significant to the plot), who appears to have been very high up the corporate ladder in Heaven before he fell.

"You'd have to be a throne or a dominion, or above"

Crowley said that Heaven never changes their passwords, but that still implies he would've had to have been a throne, a dominion, or higher when he was there. And he says in episode one that he worked closely with upstairs on the plans for the universe. Crowley was high-ranking, one of the top. I've even seen suggestions that he could've been a seraphim. A high-ranking angel associated with flames that has direct contact with God? Reminds you of someone, does it not?

Now let's say that Crowley was a seraphim (or at least ranked dominion or above), The Metatron wouldn't be too happy with an angel of that status (who also played a very big hand in the creation of the entire universe) questioning God's plan and ultimately falling to Hell. Bit of a dark mark on Heaven's reputation, isn't it?

"Always asking damn fool questions, too"

Hmm... you mean the same angel who became a demon after asking questions? That's what he remembers Crowley for. The questions. The questions that led him to fall. The Metatron isn't going to forget a high-ranking Angel falling after they questioned The Almighty.

The Metatron has always hated Crowley. Or at least, he has since Crowley fell. And now the demon is hanging around with Aziraphale, preventing Armageddon and unintentionally performing 25 Lazari miracles. No wonder he wants him out the way.

It's not just the one miracle. It's the fact that a fallen angel, who has already left a dark mark on Heaven's reputation, is now continuously causing more chaos and encouraging other angels (like Aziraphale) to question the true intentions and behaviour of Heaven. He's been making Aziraphale question things for millenia! Crowley is causing institutional problems and The Metaron despises him for it.

Suffice to say, Crowley has been in his bad books for a very, very long time.

[arotheosis]

Is it weird that I really want to read a post s2 fic where Aziraphale and Crowley both do end up going to heaven, but they go together in solidarity to fuck with them as much as possible? Aziraphale pretends to “ascend” Crowley to angelic status, but it’s really just an illusion miracle that makes him look like an angel (because neither of them want him to change) and then with Aziraphale’s position and Crowley’s knowledge from being a higher angel they mess with all of heaven’s plans (especially the Second Coming) and totally piss off the rest of the Archangels and the Metatron in the process.

Just some Crack-ish indulgent Ineffable Husbands being crafty little bastards

[casgod]

Just wanted to give my two cents on the ineffable divorce discourse, for anyone out there willing to listen.

I have to say, however unpopular my opinion may be, I totally understand aziraphale's choice to take the position offered to him by metatron. The reaction to crowley's confession and the whole "heaven is good" thing is totally out of place and really lacks empathy imo, but I don't think he made the wrong choice. To him, heaven is home. He lies to himself into believing heaven is good and all that, because he knows it isn't, he knows it's flawed and that most angels in positions of power are bastards. He just can't get to crowley's level of hatred towards heaven... and he desperately wants to believe that he can singlehandedly (or better with crowley's help) fix all the problems up there. I can't blame him for it honestly.

I also believe that, while it is very romantic to want to run off together, it would have been also quite selfish to do so. They would've left earth without any protection whatsoever. After all, they litteraly averted the apocalypse! What would happen if they just got up and left? Nothing good for sure...

The problem lies with the fact that they both took way too extreme positions and neither of them was willing to take a step back. Actually, aziraphale was the least stubborn one if you think about it. He would've never agreed to leave earth (as he didn't the two times he was asked in s1) and I think that is the right decision. I believe if they only gave the other more space to explain their standpoint, the big fight could've been easily avoided. Aziraphale believed that there was no middle ground, either run away with crowley or go to heaven, what coice did he really have?

Ofc I totally sided with crowley when I first watched it because he's the vulnerable one doing the grand gesture and I do feel bad for him... aziraphale was way too cold and tha effing "I forgive you" was really really bad on his part imo. Once the fight was done tho the only choice he had was to go to heaven since in his perspective he already lost crowley...

Idk if this post makes sense at all or if anyone is even going to read this long ass rant. If you did, I'm sorry, it's late, I'm tired, I've been studying all day. But ! If you'd like to tell me what you think about this I'd really like to talk!

[thingsisayinmyhead]

More thoughts about That scene

So, I've seen so much meta analysis (I love it!) of that last scene in Good Omens season 2, but have you considered . . .

(I'm not sure how long until I feel comfortable not adding the "keep reading" link to spoilers - maybe a month. Though I don't know )

So my latest thought out the final scene in episode is that Aziraphale didn't have enough time to process and Crowley has too much.

I don't know how long Crowley waited between Nina and Maggie's talk and Aziraphale's return, but I do know Crowley's brain works very fast and he has a tendency to overthink. He was probably sitting there going over and over his love confession in his head - to the point where it came out kind of garbled ("we're a group of 2"). Like I totally picture that in his head he said, "Angel, you're so beautiful and intelligent. I love you! Will you be mine forever?" At which point he probably pictured Aziraphale melting into his arms. And that might even have worked better. Aziraphale is an incurable romantic and has a bit of a praise kink. (Seriously - he's so hungry for praise-he calls Crowley whenever he's done something clever, he preens when Crowley says "you did a good job" in episode 4, and remember how he batted his eyes at Crowley after being told he was "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" at the end of season 1).

However, even the garbled declaration might have worked except the mess in Crowley's head was nothing compared to the mess in Aziraphale's head.

Aziraphale has just spend an entire night battling demons, including blowing up his halo, which had to have taken a lot of energy. Then come the revelation about Beelzebub and Gabriel, then he sorts out the squabbling Archangels and demons. Then comes the Metatron offering him his dream job. Then comes Crowley's declaration. One revelation after another after another without a break to stop and think and ponder. Not a second to sit and process all that's happened.

And he needs that time - we've seen that over and over again - Aziraphale needs time to think, to process. It took him an entire day to decide what to do about the antichrist - when there were only two days until the end of the world.

So both of the boys were on edge and their nerves were raw before the conversation even began. No wonder it went south so quickly.

[talea456]

I. Love. This.

Also, I totally thought it was sus that Aziraphale didn’t make a face at Metatron saying he doesn’t just “tell people what they want to hear.” Like, Azi knows that’s all he was doing in his reports to Heaven. He knows he’s “just enough of a bastard” and that Metatron doesn’t know that he knows, ya know?

Body-swap theory!!

okay, just putting this all together for ease of access, since it's been spread out across several posts now--

The day after it aired I watched the ending like actually 30 times and I became fully 99.999999% certain they switched places. I was initially thinking during the kiss, cuz of how the camera angle changes, but after watching an additional 20 times a few days later, I'm personally leaning much more towards them stopping time in the instance after "no nightingales".

Before the kiss, Aziraphale is saying "nice" things about the Metatron, but his face and voice keep switching to broadcasting distress, and they make it a point to show in ep 1 that Crowley can read him just from tone of voice

As they're pulling away after the kiss, they lock eyes and "Aziraphale's" expression shifts in the teeniest tiniest way, like a confirmation glance, before they shift back (and Michael Sheen is a master, so no chance it's not on purpose)

---(Like really, go back and watch how Aziraphale's expression shifts literally *a second* before "I forgive you" cuz the change is SO minute, but entirely different emotionally.)

Also the way he moves his jaw right after he pulls his hand away from his lips, is a bit from MS's Crowley (you can see it in the very last two seconds of this vid- link)

Aziraphale's hands -stay by his sides- after that, he doesn't clasp them at all, and it's particularly noticeable while he's walking to the elevator with Metatron. The way he walks is very stiff and precise, similar to after the swap in S1.

We don't see the underside of Crowley's jacket collar after the kiss, at any point (it is for sure red at the beginning of the ep, you can see it right before he changes in Heaven)

The Bentley drives away SLOWLY, which is how Aziraphale drives, and we're specifically shown that it only plays other music for Aziraphale

the seats in the Bentley are black as it drives away. They're usually brown, and the only other time they're shown to be black is when Aziraphale drives (@picturesque-about-it broke down the times so you can see-link)

---extra pic for anyone saying it's "cuz Aziraphale is lighter"-- the seats are still brown behind Crowley when he wears white

there's people wearing yellow in -every- part of the scene showing the Bentley both before and while it drives away! (link for pics/credit)

Aziraphale's smile in the elevator looks more like MS's Crowley. It's very similar to the trial during S1, but also (link)

This also explains why they're on opposite sides than they're usually shown while the end credits roll

Extra points--

many good points made by other folks here, about cues and snakes in beehives and swap motifs throughout the season-- link

The clock! Someone mentioned how the scene is so quiet you can hear it ticking, so I watched the ending a further 50 times to double check----I need to preface this by stating, I don't think this is a working clock, mainly cuz the hands aren't 100% where they should be between the minutes and the hours, like -a person- moved them to that time manually

When they're talking, the clock is at approximately 9:25 (?, again the hour hand isn't precisely set), then they walk across the room, and kiss, and immediately after that the clock is set about 15-ish minutes later (link to timestamps)

thanks to these bts shots, we can see that the clock on the opposite side of the room registers the SAME time difference before and after the kiss (link)

the first time Aziraphale looks "towards the window", I'm petty sure he actually looks further back towards the clock, *focuses on it* as Metatron walks up to him, and then spends the ENTIRE REST OF THE EXCHANGE blocking the Metatron's view of the clock

we're shown earlier in the season that Crowley can localize his time-stopping to a certain extent, like when he stopped the doctor and the rest of the room kept going, so it is possible he only stopped everything -outside- of the bookshop

---I KNOW Neil said it's a continuity error, but he also fully said "No" about there being a season 2 just days before they announced it was already written and in production, so. Take him at his word if that's what you wanna do.

---also I DID go back and look it over, and the clock IS consistently specifically set the entire rest of the episode as far as I can see. From the shots when you have a clear view of the clock, the angels and demons enter the shop at around 6, Maggie and Nina leave at around 7, the Metatron comes in at 8-ish, Aziraphale comes back in at that approximately 9:25

(insight from someone who works in production- link)

the music right before the kiss scene is the same leitmotif (Life After Death) used when they originally started formulating the swap in season 1! (link)

the movie Stairway to Heaven (1946) is featured as a poster in both the opening credits and in Maggie's shop (link)

the climax of the film has one of the leads willing to "take the place" of the other in heaven

(they also used a time-stopping mechanic, and the chess book Gabriel tests gravity with also plays a key role in the film)

and one last mention, extra food for thought--- the season's focus on their trusting one another, their history of performing "death (and heaven/hell) defying" feats together, and how they always get the trick right when it truly counts the most

that's what I've got so far!

If I'm right, they're apart now, but are actually more together then ever, and I find that terribly exciting. (And if I'm wrong, that's okay too! I'm just here to have fun.)

I'm not particularly concerned with very specific reasoning (that's for season 3 to tell us!), but I do think this theory is extra fun cuz pretty much any of the others could be the "why" driving it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone, or put down any of the other theories, so if you're not feeling it, that's okay! I'm just sharing what clues I'm seeing, so you can check if you see them too. 💕

[twilightknight17]

Today on Persona 5 Royal we are sitting in the corner crying with the roomba that we bought and never got a chance to give Akechi.

Also, Shido.

I can’t decide whether I’m annoyed or not at the final mouse puzzle, because it wasn’t a puzzle.

I don’t remember if it was like this before, but you literally just had to go in, sneak through the room to the left hallway, run down and turn off the thing, and come back. That other part? Completely superfluous, except for a chest with a bead chain. Which is nice, but... I dunno. Shouldn’t you have to work your way up to the hardest puzzle?

...these kids are so fucking stupid. X’D And not even just this; every letter of introduction could have been gotten without a fight if any of them could keep their cool for longer than two seconds. Except the noble, because Ann totally needed to beat the shit out of him. But like... Haru? I know TV guy is insulting your father, but just take the letter and go. Futaba, I know you’re a heroic phantom thief, but just play along for one more minute.

Yusuke, for the love of god, just tell him yes. He’s a fake person in an asshole’s head, the Palace is going to be gone in two days, just agree and get the letter.

But no, set us up for three boss fights in a row. Fine. Great. I really appreciate, after Goro flashes his other outfit, Makoto’s like, “So you were behind the mental shutdowns after all...” We knew that, Makoto. In fact, if I remember correctly, you called him the culprit behind the mental shutdowns while talking over the Plan.

Anyway.

New dialogue new dialogue new dialogue new dialo--

[Phantom of the Opera intensifies]

I’m assuming this dialogue doesn’t happen if you haven’t done his confidant. At least the first two parts. Because good lord. I just want to give this boy a cooldown hug, but he’d probably stab me.

I think there are places after the fight where the dialogue is redone. He sounds a little different behind the shutter. I also like this new translation:

It feels...clearer? But also still not quite right, because I don’t think Robin was a lie. That feels dismissive of a whole chunk of his character.

...

Don’t make fun of me. I’m keeping the glove, so come back to me safely, okay? We can’t fight again if you don’t.

:(

Shido’s fight felt...harder? All of his attacks felt like he was doing so much more damage. People were getting punched down to one HP a lot. The masses were actually not that bad, but Shido himself? Ugh. He was either debuffed to heck and doing scratch damage, or buffed to hell and borderline OHKOing people.

BUT THE DUEL WAS AWESOME.

(Me and Joker making identical worried faces as we realize what’s happening.)

I almost fucked it up because I thought at first it was a scripted fight. I didn’t realize his tyrant’s fist was a bless attack, and Melchizedek (who I was carrying because I can’t fuse Metatron yet) absorbed it. And my silly brain was like, “Oh, cool, we’ve got the heroic willpower to tank all of his attacks!”

And then next turn he cast Panta Rhei and nailed Melchizedek in it’s weakness. X’D

If I hadn’t had a persona with no weaknesses so I could swap between tanking elemental spells and absorbing bless for the health, it probably would have been a nightmare. And I was saving almost all of my SP for healing, so I was mostly chipping away at him with the knife. And I didn’t have dekaja, so when he cast Heat Riser it was basically scratch damage. But I brought that bastard down with my two hands, a knife, a Justice arcana angel, and sheer willpower.

...and also Maruki’s detox and wakefulness to cure my burns and give me back SP. But we’re not talking about that because I’m still mad at him.

Shido’s down, the Thieves are safe, and I think I have enough time left to finish off the confidants before Mementos. I hope. It’s going to suck if I get to all but one, and I don’t know how much time we have for things in semester 3.

Lastly:

The first turn of the duel, my menu freaked out. Regardless of what attack menus I opened and closed, it stayed like that. I just thought it was funny, and it fixed itself next turn.

But my brain took a very sharp turn from “Haha, a ghost menu for a ghost party member” to “oh no, Akechi...” and I pretty much gave myself emotional whiplash, so that was fun! X’D

[jac-is-procrastinating-again]

Ah but recall; Crowley is a rebel but Aziraphale is all about rules. That's how he sees life, and how he feels safe, where there are strict rules that you obey if you're Good and break if you're Bad.

Aziraphale is genuinely good at heart, I think, and he cares about others and is compassionate, but he is also a massive innocent, naive and childish. He's not cynical enough to realise that a bad thing done in the name of Good is still a bad thing, whereas Crowley realises that REALLY early on.

Crowley is Fallen but he knows he shouldn't really be in Hell. He didn't fall so much as saunter vaguely downwards. He come across as having been really wounded though, so i think we can surmise that the battle before the Fall was pretty traumatic. So though he is at heart good, he knows that in terms of categories he's been classified as Evil unjustly (I have a theory about that too) and part of his conflict comes from that. He doesn't care what Hell thinks about him or Heaven either because what they did was wrong, both incorrect and unfair. He's under no illusions about the infallibility of Heaven and he has all sorts of questions about God too.

Aziraphale OTOH has a fairly accurate moral compass but it is all screwed up by the fact that Heaven is morally pretty messed up, and they make the Rules that dictate what is Good and what is Evil. God's supposed to be Ineffable so the fact that none of it makes sense to him is not a deal breaker... But at the same time, Aziraphale has to continually quash his unease over be asked to do stuff which he knows is wrong.

The other thing is (and I suspect this might go back to the Fall and he very well might not remember) he is deeply lacking in confidence in himself and his instincts. He's neither stupid not weak but he'd much prefer it if Crowley initiates their shenanigans because that way he doesn't have to worry about getting it wrong and inadvertently being Evil. Every time they go into the gray, so to speak, Crowley argues for the actual Good outcome (interesting choice for a demon) whereas Aziraphale generally agrees what it is, but is very, very hesitant to cross the line that denotes (artificially) what is labelled as Good from what is labelled as Evil. Why is he so afraid? I wonder if he too has scars but he doesn't remember what they are or why (hang on, another theory fermenting there, need to go make notes).

So for Crowley both Heaven and Hell are about punishment and pain and rejection and threat. He won't go back there and is doing his best to do small good things for specific people and keeping his badnesses generic (m25, locking up the whole phone network) so no one person suffers too much. He's getting through eternity the best way he can.

But for Aziraphale, Heaven is safety and reassurance and Getting It Right. Heaven lays down the laws that allow him to stay out of trouble (mostly). Heaven is where everything is Good and Happy and though he has come to see that there are distinct cracks in it, when they offer him the chance to fix it he is overjoyed.If he can fix the rules, then he can do as much good as he wants without the threat of retribution (although in his usual guarded way he tends to refer to it as 'paperwork'). But he is mostly overjoyed because he can Fix Everything for Crowley and the two of them can be (he thinks) safe and together and doing officially sanctioned Good without threat for eternity, which is the sum total of everything he's ever wanted. He loves his bookshop, but this would make so much more of a difference. (Also he is a little vain, and this does tickle his vanity).

For him Metatron's offer means that he doesn't have to be afraid any more, but can live in perfect happiness with the love of his life, making the world better for ever (and ever amen).

Ah,, Metatron, you're such a bastard.

Metatron pitches this artful offer to them because he knows exactly how to split them up. He knows them well. Plus, he knows Crowley and Crowley knows him. But when he says "You know me don't you, Demon?" Crowley evades the question, which makes me think that it's also a threat. He doesn't answer yes or no, and like the Metatron, he doesn't name names. He just says "Last time i saw you, you were on a big screen." This implies there was a previous time (could be just a figure of speech but i think not) and also recalls the others to who he is.

So part of the reason Crowley reacts to the situation as he does is that it doesn't make him angry with Aziraphale. If it was a normal lover's spat, I'd expect him to drive away when he storms out, but he doesn't. He can't. He knows perfectly well that the angel has been played by Metatron. I actually wonder if that glance at Nina is him thinking it's time to tell Aziraphale about the whole thing, and what happened around the Fall.

But Metatron waits for Crowley to get angry (he does know him pretty well if he knows he'll storm outside again rather than lightning the bookshop) and then nips in and scoops Aziraphale before Crowley can get a hold of himself and spill the beans. And he reinforces thatbeing with Crowley-the-demon is bad and a threat, and Heaven has a big list of Aziraphale's sins that he thought he'd slid under the radar, but that protocol could be adhered to (and that he can save / restore his beloved without bad consequences) if he just comes to Heaven.

If Metatron was of good intent and all was as it seems, the logical thing would be to have this conversation with the two of them, but Metatron deliberately takes Aziraphale to one side.

Why? Because he can' risk Crowley talking about last time. He doesn't want Aziraphale thinking too clearly about the whole thing or asking awkward questions. He knows that this will send Crowley into a fury, so sending Aziraphale back in with this threat-disguised-as-gift will split them up for long enough that he can hurry Aziraphale away willingly. Crowley would fight to the last feather on his wings if he thought Metatron was coercing his beloved, but if he's apparently going willingly and they've just fallen out, even if Crowley hasn't stormed off, he'll hesitate for long enough to get Aziraphale to the lift. And it is VERY near the bookshop, isn't it??

Metatron's genius is in the fact that though Aziraphale realises that this is a poisoned chalice *before* he steps into the lift, the lure of being able to make things right for Crowley is stronger than his concerns, which is why he glances back, but then gets in. And his expressions in the lift go from worry and anxiety at the situation to hurt at the argument, and then there's a crafty little glance towards Metatron in case he's going to get caught doing something transgressive, and that tremulous smile. I'd bet any money that if we saw the rushes on that, there'd be just the tiniest twitch of his hand towards his lips, quickly covered. But this is where it backfires for Metatron.

Because this is actually Aziraphale doing something actually quite courageous.

He's not as stupid as Metatron thinks. He knows the situation is bad and he's been told that their old companionship can't continue as it was - it's this or nothing. He knows full well it's trap. But now he knows for sure that Crowley loves him, Aziraphale is going in completely without backup and taking on all the forces of Heaven in order to find a way to be with his beloved. And when Aziraphale finds his certainty... it might take a while for him to understand what a fundamental shift it is, but when Aziraphale finds his certainty, I'm pretty sure there's going to be fireworks.

So Aziraphale’s “I forgive you” has been living rent-free in my brain, mostly because I can’t pin down why he said it, exactly. I’ve read a few bits of meta on the reasoning behind it (which were all good! No shade here), and I’m still grappling with it, especially within the greater context of the series. So I'm gonna talk it out.

I read a subpar (professional) review of the series in which the author criticized the minisodes because they felt it took them out of the story and added nothing to the modern day plot — which, let’s be serious, is a ridiculous take. Both the story of Job and the Resurrectionists provide a clear insight into how Aziraphale and Crowley see both their duties and how they interact with the world and people (both as part of their duties and also just because… they want to).

Aziraphale doesn’t want Job’s children to die, and he’s horrified at both Heaven’s lackadaisical approach to “allowing” Hell to kill Job’s children and their incapability of understanding that a child can’t simply be replaced by another child. He’s delighted to learn that Crowley isn’t carrying out Hell’s (and Heaven’s) orders, and even goes along with Crowley’s impromptu plan to “return” Job and Sitis’ children to them. He’s clearly uncomfortable lying to Gabriel et al and expects punishment — even Falling. I summarize all of this not because I don’t know y’all watched it, but because it’s insight into how Aziraphale approaches internal conflict. He doesn’t want Job’s children to die. He backs down from his protests when Gabriel et al call him out; but because he knows Crowley has been tasked with carrying it out — Crowley, who he has report with, who he knew before he Fell — he tries to prevent it from happening. He tries to appeal to Crowley’s once angelic nature to prevent the act, while simultaneously knowing that Heaven wants it to happen too. He's tempted by Crowley into following Crowley's lead, into accomplishing what he wanted to happen anyway but wouldn't do on his own. 

Both Crowley and Aziraphale are hypocrites but with different end results: Crowley wants to slip under the radar by sort of following orders, while having as little to do with either side as possible. He’s a hypocrite so he won’t be bothered, even if it’s lonely. Aziraphale wants to follow orders that he agrees with, while wanting to appear holy and obedient in the sight of Heaven. He doesn’t want to be bothered either, but he wants Heaven to think well of him while he’s not being bothered. He cares about being lonely. Aziraphale wants to have his cake and eat it too, and Crowley just doesn’t want to be anywhere near cake.

The story in the Resurrectionists is tragic and fascinating from a character standpoint, because it puts Aziraphale in a position of what he considers moral authority, while ignoring the harsh reality of Elspeth and (wee) Morag’s lives. Elspeth is doing something Aziraphale (and society) considers immoral, and he actively prevents her from profiting from it; it isn’t until he understands the wider scope of how bodysnatching benefits medicine that he reconsiders. Seeing the girls in distress was not enough. He hesitates before saving Morag’s life and she dies. He doesn’t want Elspeth to kill herself, but it’s Crowley that truly intervenes (and is punished for it, unlike with Aziraphale and Job). Crowley doesn't "tempt" Aziraphale into anything, because Aziraphale doesn’t agree with Crowley, and he can only be tempted to do something he wants to. 

Here's the thing: Crowley was given orders to punish Job, which he clearly disagreed with due to the suffering it would cause. He found a way around them, and roped Aziraphale into helping out.

While not given orders, Aziraphale witnessed human suffering and decided it was not enough to warrant committing a victimless crime; and when given the opportunity to do something merciful but that might put him on Heaven’s watchlist, he doesn’t. His concern over his own reputation stops him. It’s Crowley who actively prevents Elspeth from killing herself, just as it’s Crowley who tells Aziraphale to give Elspeth his money.

Aziraphale agrees with Crowley that neither Heaven nor Hell is particularly great, but unlike Crowley with Hell, Aziraphale still wants Heaven to like him. As much as he loathes Heaven’s bureaucracy and obsession with appearance, he’s still tethered to it.

So what does this have to do with his forgiving Crowley after the kiss? Well.

Just like Crowley needed a good old-fashioned talking-to by Nina and Maggie about his ~feelings~, in the time-honored fanfiction tradition of third parties helping out; I don’t think Aziraphale knows he’s in love with Crowley. He knows he loves Crowley, and if pressed I’m sure he would admit that yes, it was different than the love he felt for other things in Creation — but he wouldn’t connect the dots. He wouldn’t want to. What he and Crowley have is perfectly suitable to him, and changing anything would not only rock the boat — but it would require him to have to sort out one of those internal conflicts he finds so distasteful.

The Metatron’s plan is thus perfect: it changes things, but does so in a way that affirms Aziraphale’s own biases. The promotion to supreme archangel would put Aziraphale at the top of the hierarchy. There’s no need to take the hierarchy/bureaucracy out — Aziraphale wouldn’t want that anyway. He cares about his reputation. He's being given the opportunity to be in complete control of it. 

The Metatron also validates his relationship with Crowley, and provides Aziraphale with not only the opportunity to bring Crowley with him, but to "restore" him. In Aziraphale's mind, Crowley's becoming an angel again wouldn't change who Crowley is: but it would connect him to Heaven again. Heaven can be a drag, but it's still good, and this time, Aziraphale will be in charge and he can make sure it's good enough for Crowley, who just asked questions, after all.

(And Crowley wouldn't have to be so lonely. Ignore the fact that Crowley has Aziraphale and that's all he wants.)

And this is where it all comes together.

Not only does Crowley reject his proposal, but he also insists on his perspective -- that they don't need anyone else. They don't need Heaven or Hell. (And this is off topic but I loooove the line that insinuates they basically live in each other's pockets now, as opposed to pre-Armageddon when they met up every once in a while. Love! It!) They're at their best together, and they always have been, and Aziraphale’s falling for Heaven’s bs. They can be like Gabriel and Beelzebub. They don't need anyone else.

But Aziraphale has just been told that he can have his cake and eat it too, for real this time; and to really stretch this analogy too far, he can own the bakery too. He doesn’t want what Crowley is telling him, because he wants what the Metatron has offered. Crowley wants them to be them, free of their constraints; Aziraphale wants to be them, with control over their constraints. 

And then Crowley does what he always does when Aziraphale is being obstinate: he leads him to what they both want. Or, he tries -- the kiss is desperate, messy, awkward. Crowley wants Aziraphale to follow his lead, to succumb to temptation, as it were, how he always does. To know it's okay to do what they want instead of what Heaven expects, just like how it was okay with Job’s children.

Aziraphale knows what Crowley’s doing. He will not be tempted this time. He forgives Crowley for trying. He forgives him for following the steps of their usual dance. This is the Aziraphale of the Resurrectionists, full of moral conviction, not the story of Job.

 (And now here's a fun kicker -- does Aziraphale know Crowley loves him, after the kiss? Or does he assume Crowley had a different intent? Aziraphale is stunned after the kiss. He’s not even sure how to define what he feels for Crowley, and Crowley kissed him? Oofa doofa.)

[ellicler]

ok here’s my take on the Emotional Make-Up & Moral Journey of Aziraphale. it’s Much Too Long because i can’t be concise i’m sorry

(1) book!Azi is a stone cold bitch who behaves Nice most of the time because he’s the laziest person in existence, and Niceness is the path of the least resistance for him. ‘why can’t we all just be friends and get along’, literally. (see here for the best way to put it: ‘The thing about Aziraphale is that he very genuinely and sincerely wants to be good and make the world a better place, but he also very genuinely and sincerely wants to accomplish this without any significant effort.’) he’s also very invested in the idea of himself as a Good Person and that’s why he buys Heaven’s party line hook line and sinker. he’s a very black-and-white thinker, and stubborn as the proverbial ass, so he holds onto this idea the longest he can. but when he snaps, he snaps. after Metatron in the book tells him definitively that saving humanity is not something Heaven has any interest in, we later get treated to this beauty of a speech:

I mean, you're right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff well, if you could see them all in Heaven—serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league of us, flaming swords, all that, well, what I'm trying to say is who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them? If that's your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.

And as for that stuff about Heaven inevitably winning . . . Well, to be honest, if it were that cut and dried, there wouldn't be a Celestial War in the first place, would there? It's propaganda. Pure and simple. We've got no more than a fifty percent chance of coming out on top. You might just as well send money to a Satanist hotline to cover your bets, although to be frank when the fire falls and the seas of blood rise you lot are all going to be civilian casualties either way. Between our war and your war, they're going to kill everyone and let God sort it out—right?

afterwards it never occurs to Aziraphale to stand back, give up or shut up. it’s him who convinces Crowley that making a heroic Last Stand before Satan Himself is a good way to go.

at the center of Aziraphale, there’s this steel of moral righteousness and absolute conviction, and it’s a beautiful thing to see it freed from the shackles of the false ideology that used to blind him. now he follows the moral compass that’s always been within himself, and he has no problem admitting:

"There are humans here," he said. "Yes," said Crowley. "And me." "I mean we shouldn't let this happen to them." "Well, what—" Crowley began, and stopped. "I mean, when you think about it, we've got them into enough trouble as it is. You and me. Over the years. What with one thing and another." "We were only doing our jobs," muttered Crowley. "Yes. So what? Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused." "You don't mean we should actually try to stop Him?" "What have you got to lose?"

Aziraphale has always known all of this, all about how ‘good and evil are just names for sides’, but only after finding a new moral bedrock to stand on he can allow himself to admit it. to his credit, once he commits, he is ready to stop defending his past beliefs and actions (because now he’s a Good Person once more!).

(2) show!Aziraphale is also very invested in being Nice and A Good Person, but there’s a deep underlying anxiety at the core of it. he’s very afraid of being not good enough, of breaking out of the mold, of showing any sincere emotion (if it’s a negative one it’s obviously Bad; if it’s a positive one it might be... out of place?? about a wrong thing??), so he copes with all social interactions by politely smiling and shutting himself off and following the script of I’m A Nice Angel.

(i can’t help to mention that this is the way I’ve experienced being raised up as as a Good Girl, being told to always be the model of politeness and never disappoint my parents (who of course love me very much), or else. conform, be quiet, and then we all will have a nice time!)

i think the vision of Heaven we’ve been shown in the tv series reads very much like this kind of a dysfunctional family. All Angels are Good intrinsically, except for those absolute monsters who have Fallen, but you’re not like them, are you, sweetheart??? we love you, but only if you do everything we say and keep being everything we want you to be.

Heaven doesn’t even need to threaten Aziraphale much, because it’s not about fear of actual material consequences. it’s more about fear of rejection, of becoming undeserving of love because you’re not a good enough person anymore. this sort of early subtle manipulation that equates obedience with morality is the reason why Aziraphale can never allow himself to admit that something is wrong, that he disagrees with what they say is Right, and this is why he indulges in hypocrisy so much: it’s the only way he can survive. in order to carve a place out for being himself (thankfully, Heaven leaves him alone on Earth for long stretches of time), to be selfish and take pleasure in loving things (books, food) selfishly, and, of course, to ‘fraternize’ with a certain demon.

I should mention that show!Azi is also a selfish bastard at heart, but it’s more mercurial and harder to see than in the book, because he tries much harder to hide it from himself. he’s more anxious about rejection, because for him morality (being Good) is much more tightly linked to Never Being Called Bad, never being unpleasant to people. (which is why he’s totally okay with Crowley 'disposing of’ people on his behalf and never thinks of interfering - but is very resistant to doing it himself.)

he doesn’t have book!Azi’s feeling of self-righteousness at the core (‘I’m on the Right Side so everything I do is Right’) and thus he cannot really afford anyone to call him out on being the least bit unkind. what this comes down to is, Aziraphale is so worried about perception that he forgets that actual kindness is proactive. if no-one calls him out on it, he can keep telling himself he’s okay. he dismisses most of his own moral impulses because he’s so tangled up in external validation of his ethics. which is a profoundly selfish disposition, of course: it’s much more about making himself feel good about his choices than making actually Right choices. in order to internalise the sense of morality, he first needs to trust himself to exist independently, and his story is precisely about that. (’I made Michael conjure me a towel!’ ah, the final separation, what a beauty.)

Crowley is much more central to Aziraphale’s arc in the show, because it’s not just about rejecting the stifling conditional love of Heaven, it’s about admitting, yes, ‘we’re on our side’, there is a side to be on! and it’s the side of Crowley accepting him as he is, regardless of whether he’s Good or Nice or Right. Aziraphale’s journey is inextricably linked with his desire to just let go and admit that yes, he’s the happiest when he’s with Crowley, yes, they’re friends and when they’re together he doesn’t want to think about right or wrong. and that’s why the culmination of his arc, the strongest beats of the story, are in his dialogue with Crowley: ‘if you don’t do something, I’ll... never talk to you again!’ (= ‘I accept you and what we mean to each other’), Crowley telling him ‘you don’t have a side anymore, neither of the two’ (and Azi tacitly agreeing arguing and later doing the whole body swap thing, which is precisely them fighting against Heaven & Hell together), and just... the whole final scene in the garden and at the Ritz, which is about the confirmation: yes, we’re the same, you and me (’a good person’ and ‘just enough of a bastard’) and we have the world, I don’t need more validation than that, I can and will stand up against those who will try to manipulate my sense of right and wrong again, I know now that this is right.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x23: “Sacrifice”

THE ROAD SO FAR: Kicking ass, taking names. Dean got out of Purgatory. Sam hit a dog. Kevin discovered the way to close the Gates of Hell forever. Abaddon is in the wind. Naomi mind-controlled Cas. The trials are “purifying” Sam. Metatron. Crowley is putting the Winchesters in a difficult place. What will they do now?

(Set to the show’s official/unofficial theme song.)

Aww Jody!

Roderick. Crowley used his human middle name as an alias.

Why must I always be reminded of what Jody went through?

Man, Jody was just trying to get back on the dating scene. She didn’t deserve to almost die.

“You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive, and slightly tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.”

“Call it off, Crowley.”

“Because?”

“Because it's over, you son of a bitch. We want to deal.”

Did the Winchesters already have their plan?

“First, I need to hear two little words -- I surrender.”

The show never let us hear Dean say “I surrender”. Good.

Nice location.

“You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil? Seriously?”

Sam looking like a real supermodel.

“All right, listen, this is a secret lair. You understand me? No keggers.” Kevin’s our next guest in the Bunker.

Houston, Texas. (Aaayyyy, my hometown!)

“What was he like?”

“Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you'd expect. Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist. But fair -- eminently fair.”

Hmm. I’d say that’s a good description.

The second “angel trial”: retrieve Cupid’s bow.

:Cas didn’t want to kill again.

Sioux Falls, South Dakota. 

At Bobby’s old scrapyard. (I bet it was Crowley’s idea to meet up here.)

There’s Bobby’s car. :( (Isn’t there any way they can take it with them and have it at the Bunker?)

“You know why I always defeat you? It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap.“ Huh, didn’t Soulless Sam say something similar?

Who’s plan was this?

“Sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.”

“What's he mouthing on about?”

“You're the third trial, Crowley.”

Oohh!!!

“Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?”

“Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.”

I love Cas.

(Okay, but tell me that doesn’t describe Destiel. Partners in crime, where one is into nurse role-play, Cas, and light domination, Dean.)

NOO, NOT THE BARTENDER.

“Stop. Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse. Please.”

“How you feeling?”

“Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good.”

Aww.

“You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

“Well, once, when we were kids.”

What did Sam say back then?

“I have no clue what to say now.”

“Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.”

“O-okay. Yeah, sure.”

“All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh... Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory--”

Yeah Sam, you got a list.

“Well, that was you.”

“...Carry on.”

Pfftt. 

We won’t get to see Dean’s confessional until S10, I think.

“Okay, um...if anybody's listening, here goes.” I would’ve liked to have seen Sam’s confession.

Cas has come to Dean for help.

Metatron, meet Naomi.

Who would’ve known that between these two evils, Naomi was the lesser one?

"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content." I do like that.

“Metatron, the guy who was full-on crazy, cat-lady-hoarder angel yesterday -- now he wants to save Heaven?”

“Yes, he wants to. But I'm the only one in who can. I can't fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.”

NOOO. What did I say about being the “only one” being shady??

“Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it's Sam.” Of course that’s when Sam had to walk in.  

“Start the injections now. If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

The third trial has officially begun.

“According to your own words this morning...this is not what I do. It's what I did. You told me I was out, Dean.”

“There is no out. Only duty.” Damn, Cas.

“...until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place.”

I love that Cas has to add that technicality.

Owww, Crowley! That hurt me.

He got a good amount of blood too.

Oh, we ‘bout to get it!!

“Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.” AWW. Cas probably went over and healed him after the angels had left.

This could’ve been one of the last times Dean and Cas have a conversation...and it’s about whether Cas might die soon.

“So this is it? E.T. goes home.” You know damn well Cas doesn’t understand pop culture.

Gail, our Cupid.

“Damn, that's sweet.” “ Damn, that's sweet.”

There it was.

"Nice to Be with You” by Gallery.

Dean’s just in total awe.

I’m so proud my hometown is canonically the location of that scene.

Crowley would be singing that song. “Changes” by David Bowie.

“Hello, boys.”

Ouch. There went Sam.

“Give us your bow.” Slow your roll, Cas.

“Talk first, stab later.”

“Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.”

“Right now, you and I are gonna talk about regime change.”

Burned Abaddon to a crisp. Good job, Sam.

Cas acquires cupid’s bow.

“...to sit at God's feet, to be asked to write down his word? The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, "Father's left, but look what he's left us -- paradise." But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone. You ran me from my home. Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?”

Naomi ain’t buying it...but she seems to have figured out what he’s really up to.

Oh, is this the scene with Crowley?

It is!

“We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?! Aah! Aah! ‘Band of Brothers’? ‘The Pacific’? None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once? ‘Girls’? You're my Marnie, Moose. A-and Hannah -- she just --she needs to be loved. She deserves it.”

Wow. Fine acting form Mark Sheppard there.

“Would it be possible, Moose...I'd like...to ask you a-a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there...what did you say? I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness?” Mark Sheppard is truly doing a great job.

Human!Crowley was wonderful.

“Come on, Kev! We're on the one-yard line here.”

“Okay, a-and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors -- y-you want to motivate me, "Magic" cards, "Skyrim," Aziz Ansari.”

“What? Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.”

Pfft.

“Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it -- an act of revenge for driving him away.”

“Break it how?”

“Expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer.”

“Cast you out? To where? Hell?”

“Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth.”

Naomi’s telling the truth.

Dean can stop a powerful warrior with one touch.

“If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.” Oh dear.

“I will listen.”

“Dean, I'm not wrong. I'm going to fix my home.” I’m not sure which I consider more painful: that Cas was wrong, or that Cas still considered heaven his home.

Now knowing that Naomi’s still alive, it’s kinda obvious that a drill to the head wouldn’t have killed her and she was just catatonic here.

“She told you I lied, didn't she? You should've listened to the bitch.” Metatron, you asshole.

“What's going on? Where's Cas?!”

“Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.”

“So?”

That one little word shattered my heart.

“These were never trials, Castiel. This is a spell. And what I'm taking from you now -- your essence, your Grace -- is the last piece.”

The moment that changed Cas forever.

“Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from Hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here.” 2 of these 3 things will come back. They’ll work a case that involves killing a hellhound in S12, and even sooner than that, they’ll cure demon!Dean.

“You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?”

(So Sam was jealous of Cas?)

“Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Dean loves his little kid brother very much, and it is the backbone of this show.

“Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on.”

“Castiel?! Where the hell are you?” Cas can’t come to the phone right now.

And where the hell was Kevin gonna go??

What a tragic and beautiful shot.

“Angels. They’re falling.”

[batonaclarinet1982]

The Betrayal

Harry’s *Point of View*

“Don’t worry Percival, I’m not really friends with Potter, I’m just pretending” said a voice.

My so-called best friend, Ronald was discussing some very shady business with two of his siblings in the boys dormitory.  Unbeknownst to Ronald, I was hiding in the wardrobe, under my invisibility cloak.

I wanted to leap out of there and surprise them, but my instincts told me not to.  At least, not yet anyway, so I stayed put, and put my hand over my mouth so that I wouldn’t give away my advantageous location. I listened intently.

“Good.” said Percival

“Father wants you to encourage Ginevra to get close to the idiotic brat.  You see, he want’s Potter’s fortune.  The only way he is going to get it is if Ginevra marries the little shit.” he concluded.  

“WHAT?” Ginevra shrieked.

“Gin, don’t worry.  All you have to do is persuade him to marry you, knock you up, leave you and the child everything in his will and then he’ll have a ‘Quidditch accident’ and die and you’ll get his money and we can live like kings!”

I heard Ginevra take a deep breath and then she shrieked

“I WON’T DO IT I WON’T I WON’T! I DON’T WANT TO BE LADY POTTER I DON’T WANT TO BE LADY POTTER I WON’T I WON’T DO IT I WON’T I WON’T!”

I chose that moment to leap silently out of the wardrobe, punched Percival in the nose, kicked Ronald as hard as I could in the ‘nards, before I turned to Ginevra and said “I WOULDN’T MARRY A FILTHY DIRTY DISGUSTING BRUTAL BOTTOM-FEEDING TRASHBAG HOOOOOOOO LIKE YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST WITCH… NO THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH.” Ginevra looked appropriately scandalised. Someone hissed “NOW” and the “boy’s dormitory” vanished and all of a sudden I was in The Great Hall at dinnertime.   Several hundred stunned faces took in the scene before them.

“BESIDES WHICH I’M GAY.  I AM COURTING SOMEONE AND I AM VERY HAPPY, AND BY THE WAY GINEVRA, YOU CAN TELL ARTHUR AND MOLLY THAT HARRY POTTER IS ON TO THEM AND THEY WILL GET THEIRS IN DUE TIME.” I roared.  I didn’t care if The entire Great Hall or the entire wizard world heard me.  I would not tolerate being treated like a puppet anymore. “Arthur isn’t our father” said Percival in a muffled voice, he was trying unsuccessfully to stem the flow of blood from his nose where I hit him.

“Ronald, Ginevra and I are Dumbledore’s kids” “Congratulations Percival, you have just succeeded in making my wrath a hundred thousand times worse! I am going to deal with this and neither of your parental units will know what hit them!”

“What are you going to do?” Percival whimpered,

“As if I’d tell YOU that” I spat venomously.  

Hermione had heard everything.  She came over to me and said “Harry, I’m afraid it gets worse… Dumbledore paid the three of them to befriend us, Draco told me that this morning and Fred and George verified it.  and that’s not all, Harry sit down, I am about to drop a bombshell”

“Not here, let’s go and see Severus.  You can tell us both at the same time.”

“OK, good idea”

We got up… I kicked Ronald in the nuts again and glared at Dumbledore, “You rotten old goat, you’ll get yours.” I hissed and Hermione and I turned and walked out of The Great Hall and went down to see Severus.

“Harry” he said “What’s the matter?”

“Oh nothing… except that Ronald betrayed me and Hermione has something worse than that to tell us”

“Let’s sit down” Severus suggested and he summoned an elf to bring us refreshments.  

“OK Hermione, go on, tell us”

“Well… Draco, Fred and George confirmed this earlier… Harry, Lily Evans was not your mother.  Dumbledore used the Imperius curse to hoodwink her into believing that she was married to James Potter and was your mother, but she wasn’t.  You’re not an only child either, you’re a twin.  Remus and Sirius are your biological parents and… we went to Malfoy Manor and spoke with Lucius and Narcissa.  Draco is your twin brother.  Lucius is infertile because Rodolphus Lestrange hit him with a curse when he was fourteen years old.  It was the Avada Maxima Curse.”

“So… Dudley isn’t really my cousin?” “Yes he is, you’re just not related to muggles that’s all.  Dudley is Nymphadora Tonks little brother, he was kidnapped and put into another situation as well.”

“Dumbledore?” “Dumbledore”

I took a moment to attempt to digest that.  I was absolutely reeling.  I felt Severus squeeze my shoulder.

“Is my name really Harry Potter?” “No, it’s Perseus-Orion Black-Lupin” said Hermione “and Draco’s real name is Romulus-Xerxes Black-Lupin.”

“oh… so my whole worthless life is a total and utter lie?”

“Perseus, this changes nothing between you and I”

“Are you sure Sev? You fell for someone who is basically a lie”

“It gets worse” said Hermione “Dumbledore did the same thing to me.  I’m not an only child either.  He stole me from my parents as well… and my big sister.  My mother is Professor McGonagall and my father… is Tom Marvolo Riddle.  I’ve never even met him.  My sister is… or rather was lead to believe that she was Bellatrix Black-Lestrange.  A person that doesn’t even exist.  My real name is Natasha-Jane Riddle and my sister’s name is Persephone Rose Riddle.  Tom Riddle is the real Headmaster of Hogwarts.”

“Where is your father?” I asked “Perseus I have a bombshell of my own to drop on you.  Tom Riddle is the real Headmaster of Hogwarts. He raised me.  He didn’t adopt me — but he raised me after my bastard muggle father Tobias Snape murdered my mother Eileen Prince in front of me and Lily, he was sent to jail for a really long time. He raised Lucius as well.  He’s Lucius’s godfather.”  

The Floo rang, snapping us all out of our reverie.  It was Mrs Malfoy.

“Cissy? what’s the matter? Come through”

“Lucius is not himself Severus and I am worried.” “How can we help?”

“We need to find Tom” “I’m already on that” said a voice from the door”

“Metatron?” “Yes Severus it’s me.”

“Is Tom OK?” “Yes he’s fine, Serendipity is helping him explain everything to Minerva and to fix things with her.”

“Find Draco, Fred and George, then I need you to bring Lucius through”

“OK”

“What about revenge?” “Don’t worry Perse. We’ll get Dumbledore.”  

Metatron gathered everyone in Sev’s living room with a flick of his hand.

“We all know the truth now so it’s revenge time”

“Let’s form our own Mafia”

“OK Perse”

“I WANT PUBLIC REVENGE”

“Yes, so do I” said Romulus “Let’s hit Dumbledore where it hurts the most… his vaults at Gringotts!”

“Funny, I thought I heard him groan when I kicked his son Ronald in the nuts earlier tonight” I said with a sly grin.  

“You kicked Ronald in the nuts?” asked Lucius

“Yes.  He deserved it too.” I concluded “Hell, I should probably have aimed a crucio down there as well but oh well”

“Damn I wish Rodolphus Lestrange hadn’t been kissed the day after he attacked me.  I’d have loved some revenge” “I kicked him in the nuts after you were taken to the Infirmary” Narcissa admitted.

“That’s my witch!”

All of the males in the room, except for Metatron winced when Narcissa admitted to that.

“What?” said Metatron “I’m as anatomically impaired as a Ken Doll.”

“Next time I see Dumbledore I’m going to kick him there while wearing a steel toe-capped boot!” said Lucius

Everyone including Metatron shuddered at that!”

“Right… it’s show time… come on follow my lead.  I am forming my own mafia”

“Let’s go and give Dumbledore his comeuppance!”

We went upstairs.  Arthur was waiting for us.  He was furious.  

“Molly just told me every little thing that she’s done.  I’ve had her arrested and…” He collapsed, foaming at the mouth and twitching.

Severus sprang to action, took a phial of purple potion out of his pocket, added some of Arthur’s blood to it and cast a Timer charm.  After three minutes the potion turned a sickly yellow colour.

“He’s been poisoned” said Sev.  he conjured a stretcher and he and Lucius took Arthur to St Mungo’s but it was too late.  Arthur died not long after arriving at the hospital.  Lucius and Severus came back just as Sirius and Remus arrived at Hogwarts.  I had contacted them.  They performed a blood adoption ceremony, adopting Arthur’s four boys — Charlie, Bill, Fred and George.  Molly screamed and yelled but was ignored

“YOU ABUSED THOSE BOYS MOLLY PREWETT! YOU IGNORED THEM. YOU TREATED THEM LIKE A BURDEN” Sirius yelled “THEY ARE NO LONGER YOURS.”

“You’re just in time I’m about to take care of the goat problem” I told Remus “By forming my own mafia”

“I knew letting you watch The Godfather was a bad idea Harry” he said. I ignored him.

“Dumbledore isn’t going to know what has hit him”

Several hours later, Severus and I were cuddling on the couch, Sirius and Remus were sitting cuddling on the other couch.  A loud shrill scream was heard coming from Dumbledore’s office.  I had asked Dobby to leave him a little gift on his bed.  Obviously he found it.

“What did you do?” “Oh nothing, I had Dobby leave a horse’s head in Dumbledore’s bed.”

Everyone gasped and Severus said,

“Remind me never to cross you Perse"  

The next morning, As I entered the Great Hall, Dumbledore stood up.

“If it’s a war you want Mr Potter” he sneered,

“It is a war you shall have.”

I walked right up to him and slapped him right across his wrinkled old face as hard as I could. “MY NAME IS NOT HARRY POTTER YOU EVIL OLD GOAT! THE HORSE’S HEAD WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY REVENGE… I AM GOING TO WREAK A TERRIBLE VENGEANCE UPON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.  YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS”

I clicked my fingers and Lucius gave him The Kiss of Death before I clicked my fingers again and the Aurors flooded in led by Amelia Bones.

“Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore, you are under arrest for embezzlement, fraud, kidnapping, endangerment of minors and impersonating a ministry appointed official” she said.

All kinds of merry hell broke loose…

The end, for now. Feel free to review just remember I was a special needs kid who went to CATHOLIC MAINSTREAM school so I’m not educated