#merzost

[corpsebasil]

I Will Tell You Who You Are

When Nikolai is infected with Merzost, the only one who can comfort him is his queen.

You were sprinting down the hall.

You could hear him, screaming, screaming your name as you made your way to his rooms. The guard outside merely stepped in your path, a troubled look on his face. You couldn’t catch your breath; you felt like you’d vomit as you heard Nikolai’s scream of pain, his voice catching on a sob.

“Open the door.” You gasped, feeling desperate. “Open the fucking door.”

“I—I cannot, Your Majesty. The King has requested no one—”

“I am his wife. If I wish to enter I will.” Nikolai’s sob split the air around you and you almost threw the guard to the floor. “Move or so help me God, I’ll kill you myself.”

The guard’s throat bobbed.

Your husband was barely around anymore. You’d been traumatized at the coronation and were desperate for his attention. And yes, while he saw you in the day, he didn’t feel fully with you anymore. He hadn’t shared a bed in almost a month, and you couldn’t take it.

That’s when you’d heard his scream.

“Move.” You commanded, voice shaking, and the guard slowly stepped to the side.

You almost ripped the handle as you shoved the door open, a shriek leaving your lips at the sight in front of you. Nikolai was chained—chained—to his bed, black tendrils of dark power wrapping around him. He was trembling, sweat beading on his brow as the power seemed to dull.

“Y/N,” he was shaking. Shaking. “you can’t be here.”

“What is happening to you?” Your voice broke as you moved forward, trying to ignore his flinch at your approach.

“It’s in—inside me.” He panted, shaking his head. “Don’t come near me, Y/N. Please. It’s fighting—” he bent double, back bowing towards his knees as a cry of pain left him, every muscle tensing. Nikolai sobbed, gritting his teeth, and you saw that the clenched fingers of his hands were tinged with black.

“My love what—”

“Go!” He shouted, yanking at his own chains as he panted through clenched teeth. “Go, Y/N, I never wanted you to see—”

“Nik.” You choked on a gasp of pain and dropped to your knees in front of him, grabbing his face. He shook his head wildly, eyes wet and squeezed shut as he fought your grip. “Nikolai it’s me. It’s me.”

“No, no, no.” He shook, still attempting to scramble away as you held him fast. “Don’t touch me. You have to leave.”

“I love you, Nik. Please, please let me help you.”

“I’m insane.” He sobbed, the black slowly vanishing as he collapsed roughly into your chest, his locked muscles releasing. His hands strained painfully against the restraints, but they were the only things holding him up. “I have lost my mind, Y/N. I cannot live in this way. I am dangerous to you you need to leave—”

“I will not leave you.” You fought, running your hand across his sweaty brow, forcing those gorgeous eyes of his to meet your own as you gripped his chin. “I am not weak. Am I weak, Nikolai?”

He swallowed.

“No.”

“And have I ever left you?”

His eyes shuttered.

“No.” Nikolai’s face crumpled as he shook, dropping his head against your shoulder as you held him. He was gasping for breath, shaking his head lightly back and forth, muttering to himself. “Get it out of me.” He whispered, and your heart cleaved inside your chest. “Get it out. Get it out. Get it out.” He yanked at his chains and let out a scream of anger and pain, shaking in your desperate hold as tears ran hot and fast down your face.

“I am here. I am here.” Your hands gripped his hair, your body pressing him to your own, feeling your nightgown soak as he cried out of frustration.

“I cannot control it.” He wept, wrists raw from struggling as he attempted to calm himself. “I cannot control my own body—my own mind. I will hurt you. Do not allow the one thing I love left to be lost. If I hurt you—” he sucked in a breath and you gripped his head again, pulling his tear stained face off your shoulder to peer up at your own.

“If you cannot control it,” you said, voice trembling as you stared down at the raw blue gaze of your King. “then I will be your control. I will be your anchor.” You wrapped your arms around him, mouth wobbling as you kissed his head. “I will be your tether to this Earth. I will ease your suffering, Nikolai.”

“Please.” He whispered, but was pressing as close to you as he could get. “Please do not leave me alone tonight. Please.”

“I will never leave you alone.” You promised, and when he had calmed enough to attempt to sleep, the clasps still around his wrists, you curled up on the couch, your mind racing and your heart heavy.

short and to the point and very much inspired by bridgerton because it just makes sense

[stromuprisahat]

I love your takes on the grishaverse so I was wondering what you thoughts was on the theory/headcanon that Alina didn’t really lose her powers but unknowingly locked them as she did before the books’ beginning? Maybe there was a period where she couldn’t summon light bcs she was too exhausted and stressed out by the whole ‘final battle’ thing – banishing thee Fold, Mal’s ‘death’, Darkling’s death – so she assumed she had lost it. And then it was easier to unknowingly continue like that bcs it allowed her to remove herself from ruling and making any decisions and just have her simple co-depended life with Mal as she always wanted.

Personally, I don’t think that’s what happened in canon (certainly not what Bardugo meant) but I find it feasible as fanon interpretation, considering how depressed and deluded Alina appears post-RAR.

I'm more leaning into the explanation, that she intentionally, yet subconsciously rid herself of them (and maybe revived Malyen, when we're at it, since the second life bullshit is just that- bullshit that doesn't make sense, since no other amplifier's running around the same way. But then again- I'm very skeptical, when it comes to Malyen actually being one- he has no properties others do.).

Alina recognizes that as long as she's Grisha, she won't be able to be only with Malyen, and she already admitted she's trying to mould herself into whatever he seems to want from her.

Merzost doesn't seem to be random- it's driven by intention. Ilya "upgraded" mythical animals to have certain properties, Aleksander fucked up first, but then managed to find a way to actively protect his people, when in situation his powers weren't enough. Alina lost what made her special, but since her goal wasn't finished yet, other Sun Summoners sprang into existence and fucked up destruction of the Fold, because it's merzost-made, therefore logic tells us ordinary Small Science shouldn't be enough to vanquish it.

It's true the previous time Alina worked with merzost, her powers "disappeared" for a while, but the "magic" also isn't working from nothing. No matter what we're told, there is a cost, some input. It's not "pure creation". We can see it, when Sasha makes nichevo'ya- he's using his own essence, his life force or whatever want you to call it, to draw them into existence, so Alina would need ~something~ to distribute her powers among others, and the amplifiers are just that- they amplify, wider one's range, not give a new ability.

Besides- there's the question of what grandpa Ilya wanted. If he aimed at Grisha being accepted, instead of othered, why would he take away from one the give to more. It might look pragmatic, but the range is too limited and even if he created such "tools" over and over- he'd only make a new caste of "once-Grisha", instead of levelling the playing field.

One of my fellow fans also pointed out that if merzost is magic, perhaps Alina used it to become an ordinary otkazat'sya. I don't believe so. She might've made herself to appear as one, but after all those books spent reading how is being Grisha integral part of their being, something that makes them themselves... looking at post R&R Chapter 17 Alina isn't looking at slightly more traumatized Alina that can't summon the Light because it's not a part of her. It's looking at a husk of the girl, just like the ends of previous books, when she was suffering due to missing her powers on physical level.

And her lack of skill, when using merzost previous time would support it. She locked away her powers and her hair went white the first time. She got rid of her Light, but her body "remembers" it's missing something.

edit: Also- thank you for (positive) feedback, I'm not being rude, I'm just an social idiot with totally not ADHD, so I get focused on "the point", and forget the social stuff like greeting and replying to nice words, which ARE very motivating for me, but HERE'S THE STUFF I'm thinking about and my brain's coming up with coherent answers- LOOK!

[sonics-atelier]

Okay people I need to know everything about merzost and how it works.

It's important.

[dhampiravidi]

hot take: Darklina's kid wouldn't be a Sun OR Shadow Summoner...

this theory goes against the regular Grisha power "inheritance" rules (if you're Grisha, one of your parents was the same type as you), but I don't care, bc neither Alina nor Aleksander were really "normal". & that shit w/Zoya & Juris still makes me salty (no spoilers though), OP ugh.

ANYWAY--

imagine the Darklina kid having the power of gravity, kinetic energy, or merzost itself (w/the harmful effects). let me explain.

gravity is unseen. stars are basically just balls of plasma held together by gravity & a lot of movements/phenomena we study concerning outer space is thanks to the gravitational pull of a star on other stuff. also, Aleks controls the unseen, in a way.

kinetic energy = movement in general. Gambit/Remy LeBeau from the X-Men (Marvel Comics) controls this, so he can make objects spontaneously combust OR slow things down. cue the ultimate form of Etherealki!!

merzost is, in short, forbidden magic that everyone finds unpredictable & costly. but Ilya Morozova had a pretty good handle on it. he was able to resurrect his daughter using it & his exposure to it altered his blood/DNA/whatever enough to give his descendants a new Grisha power (IDK why HE didn't become a Shadow Summoner). so a merzost Grisha might be an advanced Healer, able to completely resurrect & reconstitute people. maybe they could speak to spirits. tbh merzost is just witchy jurda parem.

I've seen lots of fics about the Reader being a "Star Summoner" or a "Moon Summoner"...if you use these ideas, please tag/credit me! I'd love to see your take on these--

@starlsssankt @sankta-alina-s

[kainatsstuff]

Alina to The Darkling:

I'll never walk your path.

Also Alina two minutes later:

Using Merzost to save Mal.

[callmefirefly]

[artbymagsn]

“Like calls to like”

Mal and the Stag for Plein Airpril Grishaverse Edition

[briarmae]

Alina to Mal: What if I use merzost to create an army of light?? 😃

Mal: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😕

Alina to David: What if I use merzost to create an army of light?? 🤨

David: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😤

Alina to Baghra: What if I use merzost to create an army of light?? 🤔

Baghra: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😠

Mal: Dies

Alina: Alina, YES 😈

Like, she wanted to use merzost sooooo bad!

[jomiddlemarch]

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free

III. By the end of the first week, Alina began to ask questions.

Aleksander answered the simplest and brought her a collection of books chosen by the Little Palace librarian, an austere personage rarely seen and evenly more rarely stymied in the search for texts. He arranged for a daily tea-service with a novel selection of fruits and pastries, and scheduled her time away from Master Botkin’s training rooms. He was delighted and proud, smiling enough that Ivan scowled and inquired if General Kirigan had received some particularly important intelligence from Ketterdam.

By the end of the second week, Alina’s questions continued unabated and Aleksander had begun to take a deep breath before he opened the door to her room. Her curiosity was admirable but, though it grieved him to admit it to himself, exhausting, wide-ranging and unchecked, her initial wary hesitance having been praised and coaxed away by him; he read in Fedyor’s eyes and Genya’s that he had only himself to hold responsible for Alina’s questions, though Fedyor was kind enough to tell him the younglings would likely be much the same, except that Dame Baghra birched them so soundly they’d learned a discretion that was entirely foreign to Alina.

By the end of the month, Aleksander was beside himself. The expression was apt; he sometimes felt Alina was some alternate version of himself, the way he had been as Eryk and Anton, inquisitive and irrepressible, eager and buoyed by his own eagerness. And he sometimes felt he might tear out his hair if she asked another question he couldn’t answer or didn’t answer to her satisfaction. He had hoped for her, wished for her for such a long, long time, but the euphoria of her discovery and his relief at her survival were tempered now by the person she was, the reality of a peer more discomfiting than he had anticipated.

“For Saints’ sake, Alina—”

“Do you mean it, when you call on them?” she interrupted. “I wouldn’t have thought so—aren’t they, weren’t at least some of them your contemporaries? It would be like me calling on…Zoya, I guess, if she hadn’t tried to pummel me—”

“She tried to pummel you?”

Alina waved her hand in a universally recognizable it-was-nothing gesture and he felt the shift of light and dark echoing within him, saw her wrist encircled with the old betrothal tattoos of the eastern fells, gold against gold, and it was enough to keep him from permanently exiling Nazyalensky.

“Please don’t distract me,” she said. “You never answered my first question—”

“It wasn’t your first question,” he muttered under his breath and she smiled, undeterred. He’d given her that, that confidence to persist in asking instead of offering to be quiet, and it mitigated his irritation somewhat.

“Why do we need the actual Fold anymore? Hasn’t its power, your power, been adequately demonstrated by this point and wouldn’t removing it be even more terrifying to other nation-states and factions?” Alina asked. Aleksander had been tried in several courts over his lifetime and suddenly was put in mind of that advocate in Ulensk in his tall fur hat and cloak, his interrogation subtle, effective as a finely woven net. “Aren’t we losing more than we gain from it, given the percentage of travelers who don’t survive the crossing?”

“You just asked me four questions,” he pointed out.

“You’re stalling,” she replied. It was true, so he made no attempt at a rebuttal.

“You propose I simply remove the Fold,” he said. “As if those words could make any actual sense.”

“I haven’t figured out the logistics, I suppose something with merzost, not the bad kind, would work, or maybe that Fabrikator David would have some ideas. He’s very bright, you know,” she said. Aleksander was tempted to lower his head to the vicinity of his knees.

“Alina, it wouldn’t be easy for me,” he said. Could he come back from wherever he would need to go to accomplish such a feat? Would he be himself when he returned? What consequences would he fail to account for, what new disaster might he bring down upon them all?

“It wouldn’t be for you to do alone, Sashenka,” she said, using the familiar form of his name no one had dared or bothered with for years. It was as dear as a kiss, a reminder that she was his equal. “We could do it together, it would look so sudden and swift no one would be able to make any sense of it. That exercise of power, it would make it clear to the world that we may act beyond any diplomacy or negotiation if we believe we must. I don’t know about the volcra though, do you think they’d be able to become human again? Or are they their own creatures now and how could we find a way to co-exist with them? I can see it going either way and the chief Healer might have some ideas we could work with, if we consider them injured. Or we could see what the diplomatic corps has to offer—do you think the volcra would want sovereignty over the region that was the Unsea?”

“This is impossible,” he said.

“It was impossible. Now it’s possible if improbable,” she said. She leaned forward and touched her hand very lightly to his cheek and then his shoulder. Even without his being an amplifier, it would have felt like an embrace. She wrinkled her forehead in thought and he braced himself against the next onslaught and her absolute loveliness. Shadows collected in the corners of the room and began to encircle them, drawing them closer. He looked at his own hands, loosely folded in his lap, and saw the shimmer of light across his palms. She lifted her chin and held his gaze with her own. “Have you ever considered you’ve got merzost all wrong, Sasha?”

“And they called me the Black Heretic,” he said.

“I thought that was you, but I wasn’t sure,” she said. “It’s just, everyone who’s used merzost so far, I think, haven’t they all been on their own?”

He nodded.

“But we wouldn’t be. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked, even for us, if you hadn’t done what you did to save me, if we weren’t already, how can I put this? In covenant with each other? That seems right, it feels right when I say it aloud—it’s not only about balance but about sharing. Trust. You and I now, we Summon what we need, at least, you do and I’m learning. It isn’t a corruption or an abomination if we are giving and want to give, the way you were with me when I was dying. I don’t think Ilya Morozova understood mending very well—how much care it takes to do well, how something repaired isn’t flawed but enhanced. He probably thought it was woman’s work and ignored it. He didn’t leave much room for anyone else to offer an alternate explication. There were other Grisha who had to be thinking about the same issues, but to find anything they’ve written is harder than pulling a snowflake from the sea. I think, honestly, Ilya must have been a terrible bully. And probably pretty dull conversationally speaking.”

Aleksander took in the pretty, prim purse of her lips, her head tilted to one side, the hope and trepidation in her tone. Her slight figure in her black kefta, the bit of blue silk that peeped out from one of her cuffs, the curve of her cheek and the squaring of her narrow shoulders. He’d wanted her for so long and now she was here and more than he’d prepared for, overwhelming. Intoxicating.

“Alina, you are annihilating,” he said.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she answered, closing the distance between them. He felt the most tremendous surge of tenderness for her and no small flare of sexual attraction, the former the greater surprise. “Like it’s final, that we don’t live in a world of seasons and mushrooms.”

“Mushrooms?”

“They grow over dying things. Life finding a way,” she said.

“Sometimes they kill you,” he said.

“And sometimes they give you visions,” she countered. “They let you see in the darkness. Into the darkness.”

“I think the Duke of Keramzin allowed his orphans to do far too much foraging,” Aleksander said.

“Only in books,” Alina said. “Do you think I’m right?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I think we’ll have to figure that out together.”

“I was hoping you’d just agree with me,” she admitted and he laughed.

“I may have created a monster,” he said. “You were a humble mapmaker a month ago.”

“I was a mediocre mapmaker. Not humble. And the time for monsters is over,” she said.

“Tell that to Fjerda and Shu-Han,” he replied, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. She didn’t pat his arm or smile encouragingly, but instead let her face reflect his own urge for destruction. She did have her own scores to settle, debts that could never be completely cleared.

“That’s for after we deal with the Fold and the volcra. The Apparat too, he gives me a bad feeling. And Dame Baghra—”

“Baghra is not going to take kindly to any of this. What you want us to undertake,” Aleksander said, in perhaps the greatest understatement of the past five centuries.

“She doesn’t take kindly to anything or anyone,” Alina replied. “But if we can make her see what’s possible…”

Aleksander thought of his mother and her long stare, her unbound hair like a storm around her, the last time she had presented herself as a Summoner in full command of her small science. Night had seemed as day in contrast to the darkness she conjured forth. She could be a staunch ally, a daunting foe. If Alina asked him a thousand questions about her, he wouldn’t be able to answer even one.

“Why don’t we start with David Kostyk,” Aleksander suggested. “I’ve found him to have a remarkable ability to find unexpected solutions to the most tangled problems. And he’s the least likely to be shocked by your ideas.”

“We should go to his studio,” Alina said. “He might think he was in trouble if you send for him to come to your rooms and Genya is in mine so often, we won’t get a word out of him.”

“You’ve noticed, then, his…preference for Miss Safin?” Aleksander said.

“I wouldn’t have needed to Summon to see what’s right there,” Alina replied. “Anyone in love could recognize his expression, how he’s afraid she’d reject him and how that keeps him quiet.”

“You think he needn’t be?” Aleksander asked. The inquiry should not have felt as great a risk as the ritual he’d done to save her life and anneal their power, and yet, looking at her face and wanting her welcome, he understood it to be the truth. They were beyond desiring possession.

“She would’ve let him know if his feelings weren’t returned in equal measure,” Alina said, her eyes brighter than any Summoned sfera. “It’s less a leap of faith than he imagines to speak—more like a hop.”

“Are you sure?” he said.

“I can’t lie to you, Aleksander,” she said. “I can’t help wondering—”

“You don’t have to,” he said, moving so his lips grazed her forehead, her temple, her cheek. “Keep wondering,” he murmured, as it grew dim around them. For the first time, he was not afraid of the dark.

[kazoo-the-demjin]

just thinking about how nina is all quiet, contemplative and looks mildly disturbed ever since she saw alina use merzost like just saying it's very weird and concerning ehehehe

[rockrose-blossoms]

just reader fics for myself <3

[lost-in-men-of-letters-bunker]

Not me just now realizing he broke that chair...

[stromuprisahat]

Mother of Monster

Siege and Storm- Chapter 14

Awww!

Playing a victim, aren't we?

Sure, Baghra can mistreat Aleksander- he's her son-, but the moment he strikes back, all hell breaks loose. Not to mention his "punishment" takes form of a childhood trick she herself could at least attempt to dispel, except that would require her to summon, and she'd lose her veil of victimhood. And why give up her badge of authenticity?

How hard is she NOT summoning, if it aged her up so badly?

This is Aleksander's punishment for disobeying her- speeding up her withering away. She used to be constantly cold, but youthful. Does that mean she's avoiding summoning to prevent accidentally or instinctively clearing her own eyes, so now she's quickly aging as a welcome side-effect?

Look what you've done to me?! Your own mother! Your only constant companion!

There's no mention of nearness to merzost having effect on aging. It's draining the person using it, so even if her blindfold couldn't be removed by Baghra herself (Arguable, given her age, likely knowledge and set of powers.), she shouldn't look like shit due to its presence.

Did he finally achieve what he attempted all those years ago?

Is his grasp on merzost so strong he can truly manipulate it for his purposes like his grandfather did?

Is he truly a leap closer to getting what he fights for?

Am I insignificant to him now?

As if she ever acted with loyalty or support towards him and his cause.

A bit of blaming, drama and loving mother's dehumanization. She sure know how to play at Alina's already existing prejudice and fatalism. Can't wait for the girl to repeat those words...

I wish... yet the great villain will abandon his successful siege to attempt saving her, and grieve for her, no matter the mistreatment she offered him.

Sacrifice suggests intention. Baghra didn't know what will be Aleksander's reaction, we have no idea, what her expectations looked like, so assuming she's some tortured heroine, martyr to a cause, is erroneous.

[dhampiravidi]

sleepwalking: Aleksander Morozova

TELL ME that Bring Me the Horizon's "Sleepwalking" isn't a Darkling aka Aleksander Morozova song--

the merzost is kicking his butt post-S1 (or maybe it's always made him sick on certain days?) & he secretly wants to give up on his dreams for improving Ravka/getting his revenge on all the bigoted otkazat'sya, but his pride & rage keeps him from doing so. it's just so tiring, going through the endless cycle of fighting, loss & faking his death, but what else is there? he has his beloved, but what can they do (alone or together) to fix anything?

@starlsssankt reminds me of our current "post-S1 AU where Aleks is dying from merzost & desperately needs a cure" thread!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Scorched sea verse for the title game!

This is a doc where I’ve jotted down several supplementary ideas for the Darklina Roleswap AU where Nikolai is just hanging out as their third lol

There was a lot of backstory lore that didn’t make it into the fic proper that seemed fun to explore. The entire segment where the Apparat builds her up as a saint before Grisha are at all accepted in Ravka and the higher stakes of that. Then things going south, Mal dying and her turning to Ilya Morozova for help. And the vague Baghralina that happens then falls to pieces after the falling out with her father lol.

I also had ideas for two future separate scenes, that would probably be one shots in a collection. Alina being driven to tell Nikolai that she’s not actually going to human sacrifice herself in the next couple of years, can he please stop being so damn melodramatic about it???

The main fic wrapped up before the actual collaring so I also had some loose ideas for that. Here’s a snippet of it!

[stromuprisahat]

#don't get me started about his POVs. the fact that we know there are somewhere out there and we'll probably never get them #keeps me awake at night #thank you for being so understanding of his character anon #very few are like that today

them: Merzost is dangerous. You shouldn't use it without careful consideration.

Sasha, tired of people dying:

In TGT we don’t really get a lot of information about the consequences of merzost. The most we see (if I recall correctly) is Sasha looking weaker and Alina’s hair turning white. What do you think some of the additional physical and/or mental effects would be? When do you think Sasha first tried to dabble in that type of magic? I very much doubt the Fold was his first attempt. RoW talks about he convinced Baghra to take him to the remains of the building where Ilya and their family used to live, where Sasha found his journals. I’m fairly certain this was before he was the Darkling, although I’m not a complete 100% sure on that front.

Anyway, logistics of merzost aside, the guy needs to stop throwing himself into danger. He’s carving out pieces of his soul so he can save a persecuted minority and the “heroes” have the audacity to go “nooo… he just wants power.” I desperately wish we got Sasha POVs in TGT.

I personally believe that his first try was when he unwillingly created the Fold. Since merzost is very dangerous and requires years of training and mastery to be used properly, I don't imagine the Darkling putting it to use like it's nothing. I think he studied hard about it before he attempted to make his first try.

I don't think the Fold was created because of his greed either. It was created either because he did something wrong in the process or because there are always consequences when you use merzost. Alina faced consequences too but, in her case, in her appearance. Maybe because she tried to do something less grand than what Aleksander tried to do 400 years ago.

Normally it seems that merzost weakens you greatly and puts your health at risk. It causes you physical weakness, fatigue, physical and mental pain and generally drains you. You can lose your senses if you don't stop or it can even kill you.

(Aleksander must had been made of Valyrian stele. His physical capabilities were impressive for using it that much)

Aleksander paid the price the most so many centuries ago because he tried to use it for something big. He mentioned that he tried to stop the wars with it and I suspect that he wanted something more powerful than the nichevo'ya. So it's possible that the greater the extent in which you use it, the bigger the consequences are.

Now about the Black Heretic thing. I believe Baghra took him to her village long before he showed himself to the King and the world. But when he created the Fold he probably was already named "the Darkling" since the Black Heretic was considered one by the time the S&B events happened.

And you're so right, anon, but I wish more people could see that. Critical thinking is a trait that few people have and cannot see past the narrative's narrow and holy vision. He was selfless for doing that but he truly, for fuck's sake, needs to take better care of himself. 😭