#mentions of knotting

[mothcpu]

lunacy! lunacy! lunacy! lunacy!

[xochimillilili]

Actually soo so evil and cruel of the universe to not let me be a vampire, I just get sooo worked up thinking of how pretty my little pup would look under me, all marked up in bites and bruises and stray trails of blood all leading to me. Barely able to control myself over the smell of their blood and the sight of how into it they are. Seeing their eyes and head get all fuzzy would just about push me to the edge, make me mount them and push myself in with my cock in their needy cunt and my teeth in the side of their neck

Come on sweetheart, let me taste you, let me get all those thoughts out your head, let me fuck and bite you dumb~ Don't you like the ache and the sting of my love bites? Don't you like the taste and the sight of your blood connecting our little kisses~?

Finish up by pumping them full of my cum as a treat for them. Tell them how good of little breeding pup and tasty treat they are, as I lick and lap at their tits and holes, biting their thighs, just hearing them whine and squirm as they see me between their legs with their blood on my face. Digging my nails into their hips and getting on top again when they wiggle their hips, wag their tail and whimper for more like a good pet does~

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Fingon: *Goes for a long walk with all his worldly possessions*

Fingon: *Climbs a mountain*

Fingon: *Casts a search-and-find spell*

Fingon: *Gets a miracle from god*

Fingon: *Encounters an unbreakable manacle*

Fingon: Time to get creative.

[femboyhorror]

"Oops, My Brother is Clinically Depressed!"

( a comic i doodled up based off of the end of chapter 3 of fisherman's knot by @scribefindegil a.k.a. a scene that has living in my lizard brain rent free since i read it. go check that story out of you haven't! i hope i did the scene justice! )

[kandidandi]

Reincarnation Au :>

Y/N is a servant for the God of Life (Sun) and the God of Death (Moon)

After y/n dies saving the gods from an attack. Sun and moon both agree y/n should be reincarnated because of their loyalty to them. However, after many many lifetimes sun and moon find themselves falling for y/n. They know y/n should already be in the afterlife but they can’t stop themselves from reincarnating y/n over and over just to be with them.

Over time sun and moon have loved y/n romantically, platonically and queer-platonically. Sun and moon don’t mind at all they just want to be with y/n no matter what kind of love it is <3

After y/n dies they end up at the start of a long path with moon waiting for them there. As y/n and moon walk down the path y/n is able to remember all their previous lives and can talk to moon about them. It’s bittersweet though as y/n knows they’re going to be reborn, meaning they wont have any previous memories of sun and moon until they inevitably die again. moon gives y/n a kiss on the hand as they leave and another kiss on the hand once they meet in life again.

Both sun and moon can shapeshift into any type of form (including human) but they have their preferences, moon prefers to be a crow while sun prefers to be a deer. 

my brain hurts so bad and cant rewrite all of the stuff about this au so please direct yourself towards this post where there’s a lot more things you can read :’>

very very big thank you to @certified-handler @robinette-green and @ofsunnydays-and-moonlitnights for helping flesh out this au <3<3<3!!!!!

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Li Zeyan’s Metropolis Date (Eng Translation)

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 都会之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

[Translation under the cut]

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

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【Important Notes】 

some of you might already know this, especially those of you who follow my translations, but still gonna explain since it’s the pivotal point of this date 🤭

The term “哥哥” (gēge) literally translates to “elder brother”, you might be more familiar with the Korean or Japanese alternatives of this term (oppa/ onii-chan). if not used to address your own elder brother, you wouldn’t dare to use it with just anyone – so, when a Chinese girl addresses a boy as her “gege”, she’d use it to address sb she has a very close/ intimate relationship with, address her boyfriend, or take the leap and address a guy she has a crush on to be cutesy LOL. which is why the use of “gege” in this date is so multifaceted — the term which was initially used as a courtesy becomes a “barrier” in fear of being “friend-zoned”, but makes come back in the parts when used by MC’s friends to tease her or when MC hesitates to address him as “gege” in private b/c of the crush connotation haha.

✦ the use of “gege” with the connotation of boyfriend/ crush prevails in the canon verse too, MC used to address Li Zeyan by this term when they were little and after the first comeback, we’ve had MC use this term many times in the past years: ♡

setting and timeline:

the present day story takes place in New York, around 1925/27, and before the great depression (1929).

──────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Chapter 1】 

Hubbubs of laughter intermittently resonate from the stretch convertible as it glides through the night, weaving through the distant and nearby lights before coming to a halt in the front courtyard of the mansion.

Myself and a few female friends of mine, slightly tipsy and carrying a faint scent of alcohol, support the ornate headpieces wobbling on our heads as we step down from the car, laughing and playfully nudging one another.

Female Friend: Can you believe Jennifer actually invited that actor! Seriously, when our eyes met, I was practically drowning in those eyes; I didn’t even hear a word he said…

Thinking back to that man whose words were dripped with flattery, I lazily let out a yawn.

MC: Enough, Louise. Perhaps your brain is just filtering out those unpleasant bits of news, you know?

MC: He should thank his lucky stars for starring in a silent movie; otherwise, no one would buy into his performance.

MC: If it weren’t for Jennifer, the editor-in-chief, insisting, I wouldn’t even want to mention his name in the article chronicling tonight’s nightlife… it’s just a waste of space for another line.

Amidst the laughter of the girls, I suddenly seem to feel a certain gaze on me. I stop talking and turn my eyes in the direction of home. Sure enough, I spot a familiar figure.

With one hand resting on the marble railing of the terrace, Li Zeyan looks in my direction, his eyes lowered. The light outlines his physique, carving out a slender silhouette.

Through the thick darkness of the night, those somber eyes lock with mine for a moment. Then, he turns and walks into the villa.

Female Friend: Would you look at that, your old-fashioned gege is still awake at this hour… Could he be waiting for you?

I receive a teasing elbow nudge from my friend, but I offer no retort.

“Old-fashioned.” That term does seem to match him quite well.

In this era where there is never any shortage of merrymaking, he rarely makes appearances at gatherings like banquets and social clubs.

Tonight, before heading out, I asked him if he would like to accompany me, and unsurprisingly, I was met with a rejection.

—

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

LZY: No, I have no intention of attending.

LZY: It’s not that I have any other rendezvous to make an appearance at, but I do have more pressing matters to take care of.

LZY: You go ahead, but don’t stay out too late.

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

—

Perhaps he does have something else he’s really eager to pursue, or perhaps he simply wants to steer clear of certain people… who knows?

Reflecting on the unexplained decrease in our interactions since becoming adults, a hint of melancholy suddenly settles into my heart. I press my lips together, incline my head, and speak nonchalantly as if unaffected.

MC: [blushing]  It isn’t something worth caring about, is it? Anyway, he’s not my “real gege”...

──────────

Creak—

The sound of the gate slowly being pushed open rings out in my ears. I turn my head and see Li Zeyan behind the door, quietly arching an eyebrow. Undoubtedly, he has heard what I just said.

A flicker of guilt passes through me. Aware of my companions’ fixed gazes behind me, I walk into the house with my chest held high, close the door behind me, and walk past Li Zeyan.

LZY: Had a good time?

MC: Oh, it was pretty good… the atmosphere at the whole banquet was quite lively.

MC: Jennifer also showed us the new gemstone she recently bought. It was so… sparkling!

I nonchalantly remove my gloves and fling them onto the sofa, envy in my eyes as I raise my hands to gesture an approximate size in front of Li Zeyan. A light chuckle reaches my ears.

LZY: If you fancy it, you can expect to receive an even finer one in the future.

MC: [blushing] I wish, but the qualities of the gemstones in New York in recent times have been really unappealing.

Li Zeyan’s eyes travel over my absent-mindedly pursed lips, but he doesn’t comment on anything. Instead, he simply taps his fingertips on the staircase railing rhythmically.

The air lapses into silence again, with only the swaying shadows of the trees playing on the floor of the hall. I stifle a yawn and walk past him as if nothing has happened.

MC: Alright, I’m going to go and hit the hay in my room. Tomorrow, there’s still…

LZY: MC.

Suddenly, a low whisper reaches my ears from behind. My hand gripping the railing pauses, and I stand on the stairs, turning to look back at Li Zeyan.

His intense gaze bores deep into me, and the emotions in his deep-set eyes appear more complex and difficult to discern than at any time in the past. After a moment, he finally speaks.

LZY: There’s something I believe I need to tell you.

LZY: Next week, I’ll be moving away from home.

MC: …

My lips part, and my heart suddenly pauses for one beat. My eyes wander over his face, trying to find any hint of jest in his words.

Did he say this in a fit of pique because of what I said earlier? But he’s clearly not the kind of person to behave like this…

While I stare at him with bewilderment and helplessness, Li Zeyan offers me no additional explanation. His brooding eyes trace over the intentionally rolled-up hem of my skirt before resting on my face.

LZY: Your father is waiting for us in the living room.

LZY: Come over after you’ve changed your clothes.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】 

I rush back to my room at lightning speed and take off the intricate and ornate feather headpiece from my head.

After changing into a dress that won’t elicit resigned criticism from my father, I head down the stairs in the direction of the living room, my mind in turmoil.

The sparkling crystal chandelier bathes the spacious room ahead in bright light. From a distance, I can hear the sound of gratified laughter, intermingled with my father’s heartfelt sighs. 

MC’s Father: …Zeyan, don’t ever speak such words. If the disaster of that year had befallen me, your parents would have made the same choice.

MC’s Father: I remember when you first came to this home, MC was only five years old–– clinging to you all the time like a piece of sticky candy, oblivious to day and night. [1]

MC: Why is it that the moment I step in, I hear you speaking ill of me~

I walk over to my father and give him a kiss on the cheek, then take my seat next to Li Zeyan naturally.

He holds my gaze briefly before averting his eyes, but his tone carries a subtle softness that is almost imperceptible.

LZY: She was no bother. If anything, I find myself missing those times, too.

LZY: A plate of cookies was all she needed, and she’d joyfully sit by my desk, reading storybooks with me all night long.

MC: …I also really liked gege back then. No matter the time, you were always there to accompany me.

My father laughs, a wistful expression on his face. I also lift the corners of my lips to match the atmosphere, but my gaze lingers inquisitively on Li Zeyan’s elegant side profile.

Leaving… why did he have this idea all of a sudden?

I used to believe that no matter how much time elapsed… he would naturally remain by my side as a matter of course.

But this decision that came like a bolt from the blue seems to be telling me that I’m the only one who thought that way.

LZY: Yes, I’ve been keeping an eye on a promising aviation company. Their airplanes…

LZY: A number of stocks I acquired in the past few years have yielded good profits. After liquidating, my plans for the next steps include…

A baritone voice resounds from the seat next to me. Li Zeyan is recounting eloquently, seemingly answering some questions from my father, but I can’t pay attention in the slightest.

MC’s Father: …MC, won’t you raise a glass to your gege’s future?

My lower leg under the long table is gently touched, snapping me back to reality. I glance over to see Li Zeyan leisurely leaning back in his chair, his leather shoe brushing past me.

The brief touch just now was probably just an inadvertent act since he was shifting his sitting posture. However, it brings my attention to the fact that I’ve been staring at him for quite some time.

I let out a cough as an afterthought and quickly glance at my father.

MC: My apologies, I was a little lost in my thoughts just now, so…

MC’s Father: Of course, I am just as reluctant to part with him as you are… but I’m confident that when the time is right, Zeyan will come back to visit us.

This matter-of-fact comforting solace sweeps over my heart, gently veiling a certain “expectation” that I have never voiced.

An indescribable sourness swells within me. I raise my wine glass towards Li Zeyan beside me, wearing the same naive and coquettish smile as usual.

MC: …gege, here’s to every expectation of yours turning into reality.

Li Zeyan lowers his eyes, his slender fingertips promptly picking up a goblet glass from the table. Then, he leans in slightly towards me.

Accompanied by the soft clink of glasses, his deep and low voice resonates in my ears.

LZY: Thank you. I really like this toast.

LZY: I’ll turn these words into reality.

──────────

The moonlight behind the floor-to-ceiling windows filters through the sheer curtains, casting long and slender beams. I toss and turn on the soft bed for a long time before finally sitting up.

…Even if everything seems to be set in stone, I still want to fight for that last shred of possibility to make this man stay.

–

It’s very late at night, and the corridor is empty and quiet. I tread lightly past the door of my father’s room, then head briskly towards Li Zeyan’s room at the end of the corridor.

From a distance, I can see a sliver of light escaping from the room–– to my surprise, his door is only partially closed.

A soft meow reaches my ears. Holding my breath, I watch Li Zeyan seated on the sofa, comforting Betty, whose hind paws are entangled in a ball of yarn.

He cradles it in his arms with one hand, and his well-defined hand trails down the cat’s back, with a touch just right that is neither too firm nor too gentle, preventing its struggling attempts.

His fingertips swiftly probe into the entangled mess of threads. With a few simple movements, the trapped paws are liberated.

Betty: Meow~

Betty purrs contentedly, nuzzling its head against Li Zeyan’s shoulder. His eyes also seem to be dyed with a subtle smile.

The familiar scene overlaps with memories of the past, and suddenly, I feel a little dazed.

—

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

Under the ardent daylight, the greenery in the courtyard stretched ponderously.

The doors and windows lining both sides of the mansion had been opened early in the morning, allowing the summer breeze to weave through unhindered, bringing with it a touch of rare, refreshing coolness.

I was huffing in anger as I strode down the corridor, heading towards Li Zeyan’s room in the most familiar manner, intending to “interrogate” him.

MC: GEGE! Did you stop…

I walked into his room, only to find a profound silence all around. Li Zeyan was lying on the sofa with his eyes closed and seemed to have drifted off to sleep.

Perhaps to block the dancing spots of dazzling sunlight, he casually rested the back of his left hand on his forehead, casting a gentle shadow over his eyelids.

His slender legs were rarely in such a relaxed posture, crossing casually. The business book in his hand had slipped to the floor at some point; its pages were blown by the breeze, producing a rustling sound.

Without realizing it, I lightened my steps and walked to the side of the sofa. I gazed at his dark strands of hair cascading down, gently resting on the prominent bridge of his nose.

Perhaps it was the light, but I suddenly noticed that there seemed to be some subtle changes on this face that I saw day and night.

Had his jawline become sharper? Or perhaps the knuckles of his hands seemed a little more pronounced? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I could only feel my heartbeat accelerating for no apparent reason, as though something that had been overlooked for a long time was now breaking through the surface.

As if drawn by an inexplicable attraction, I involuntarily leaned down towards him, wanting to touch his cheek. 

The next moment, I saw Li Zeyan suddenly open his eyes and lift his hand to clasp my wrist.

LZY: You…

He spoke in a low voice, his tone still carrying a hint of drowsiness. It seemed he regarded everything to be a dream.

His eyes took on a softer expression, and the hold of his palm on my hand did not loosen. Instead, he drew me even closer to him.

His breath caressed my face, and I could almost see my own reflection in his eyes. It was like almost in the next second, we would–––

MC’s Father: Where did you run off to… Betty?

My father’s inquiring voice suddenly echoed from a distance, akin to a pebble thrown into a lake, shattering the interplay of light and shadows before me.

Li Zeyan was frozen for a moment, and then a clarity flashed in his eyes as if finally waking up. He let go of my wrist. Suppressing the ineffable emotions in my heart, I swiftly distanced myself slightly.

LZY: …Why did you come in out of the blue?

MC: …the door was already ajar, and I didn’t know you were sleeping…

I muttered softly, but then I suddenly recalled something, my voice gaining a touch of confidence.

MC: I also have a question to ask. When James checked with you about whether I was available for a trip to the island next week, why did you reject him on my behalf?

Li Zeyan didn’t respond right away; he lowered his hand and picked up the rumpled book from the carpet.

LZY: Your father mentioned we have to go to the horse ranch next week; looks like you forgot.

LZY: Besides, there is no need to get involved with a guy whose family business is going downhill, yet he still dates a different girl every week.

MC: [girlie is stumped and flushed haha]  But before this, you said about Oren that he was secretly lingering in underground bars!

Li Zeyan calmly flipped open a page, not making eye contact with me.

LZY: [HEAVENS THE WAY HIS TONE DROPS HERE] I’m simply stating the facts. Besides, you’ll have better choices.

MC: Like who?

In my frustration, I kept pushing for an answer, but then, the air suddenly lapsed into silence, and Li Zeyan’s fingertips also came to a pause.

My heart suddenly began racing by a few beats, and I stood up from the sofa in an attempt to conceal myself.

MC: …anyway, I won’t allow you to interfere in this matter anymore!

In a rush, I walked towards the door as I spoke. But suddenly, I heard Li Zeyan calling out my name.

I turned around. The daylight outside the window had already transformed into the fading colors of twilight, and with that light falling on his back, I heard him speak.

LZY: I will give you that answer in the future.

LZY: Until then, don’t barge into my room unannounced like this again.

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

────

[Tidbits]:

[1] MC’s dad mentions a specific type of candy here (牛皮糖 - nǚpítáng), which is made from sugar and sesame seeds; and has a chewy and sticky texture.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】 

LZY: Come on inside, I haven’t locked the door.

Li Zeyan’s voice suddenly transmits from the room. I snap back to reality, only to realize that my hand, which I raised to knock, has been hanging in mid-air for quite some time.

Tightening my lips, I calmly walk into the room and seat myself next to him on the sofa, my eyes scanning the room.

In the long time that followed afterward, I have refrained from setting foot in this room again. In stark contrast to my memories, the surroundings appear conspicuously emptier.

In one corner of the room, a leather suitcase lay open… the realization of the fact that this person is leaving suddenly becomes palpable.

LZY: You’re here at this hour; is something wrong?

MC: [blushing]  …you can’t leave!

Two voices collide in unison. Before I can even register the situation, I have already grabbed hold of his hand.

LZY: …

The hazy lighting interweaves with the moonlight, and something seems to flash across Li Zeyan’s expression for a brief moment.

A searing warmth transmits from his palm, and in belated realization, I draw back my fingertips. However, I feel my hand being discreetly clasped, as if he is unwilling to let me escape.

LZY: What’s your reason for saying that?

MC: It’s not for any reason. I just want… gege to always remain by my side.

Even though it has been a long time since I have addressed him by that term when we are alone with each other, I still purposely soften my tone. I can’t help but expect that Li Zeyan would, just like in our childhood, give me that helpless glance and yield to my coquettish demands.

A silence hangs in the air as Li Zeyan lowers his gaze to mine. In the next moment, his palm enveloping my wrist loosens ever so slightly.

LZY: MC, I am not the same as the toys you wanted when we were little.

LZY: Just the word that you “want” this is not a reason enough to sway me.

I’m slightly stumped and speak without thinking.

MC: But we’ve been living a good life for all this time, haven’t we?

MC: We have the ancestral estates and assets, a steady stream of income… I don’t understand why you’d want to make any changes.

Li Zeyan lets out a very soft chuckle and tilts his head towards the window.

The lights of the distant structures shimmer brightly, reminiscent of a flowing banquet in the boundless night. They reflect in his eyes, exuding a mix of pride and ambition.

LZY: There is nothing in this world that remains unchanged forever, MC.

LZY: Even the prosperity that you indulge in today began after the soldiers returned from the European battlefield.

LZY: Everything we see now was beyond imagination just a few years ago.

LZY: This era can sweep away all outdated existence, and at the same time, it can also give people everything they desire… as long as they can grab hold of it.

Li Zeyan shifts his gaze back to me as he says this. Even though his tone seems to be gentler than usual, it also carries a hint of unswerving determination.

LZY: So, I had already made this decision a long time ago.

MC: …when?

Did it stem from the day he made his first profit in the stock market, relying on his own business acumen? Or was it when he caught the wind of the other “old money” people gossiping about him? Or perhaps it was even earlier?

In a state of bewilderment and urgency, I await a response, but Li Zeyan doesn’t answer my question. Instead, he just gazes at me fixedly, leaning slightly in my direction.

The tranquil glow of the lights paints his eyelashes, and my heart pounds wildly as I watch Li Zeyan approach. He lifts his hand, tucking a strand of hair that was lingering by my cheek behind my ear––

–– like an explanation, or perhaps a reassuring promise.

LZY: [in the most tender tone possible x1]  I am so happy that you’re here to persuade me to stay.

LZY: [x2]  But, there are certain things I want that I can only obtain by leaving.

──────────

Jennifer: Alright, honey, I’m not here to rush you about the manuscript or anything, even though that special column you promised me has been overdue for a solid three weeks~

My friend’s teasing reaches me through the light fabric. I pull down the covers sullenly, glancing at the blonde girl sitting at the edge of the bed.

MC: Once I’m back in the writing zone, I’ll submit it to the magazine first thing… but, setting that aside, did you manage to find out any news about him?

Even though I don’t explicitly utter Li Zeyan’s name, Jennifer shrugs her shoulders.

Jennifer: You know, your gege rarely attends any banquets within the circle.

Jennifer: I’ve been making discreet inquiries on the airline side, but all I’ve found is that there’s this new guy named Victor, whose company has become a rising star in the industry… but it doesn’t seem to have any connections with him.

—

[T/N]: Yes, his writers are using his EN name “Victor” as his pseudonym 😂😂

—

I press my lips together, thinking back to the day Li Zeyan left and how I was so angry that I refused to see him for one last time.

If only I had known earlier, I would have abandoned those inexplicable emotions, opened the door, and had a few words with him.

Jennifer: I have an idea. What if we were to spread the word that you’re planning to hold a banquet at the estate next month to reveal the person you’ve chosen to be your fiancé?

Jennifer: If he does have the intention toward you, there is no way he will able to keep it hidden.

I blink. This suggestion sends a few ripples through my heart–– daring as it is, it might be the most effective method.

With my tacit approval, this piece of news spreads from the mansion along with Jennifer’s departure, gradually circulating from one banquet to another.

Half a month slips away rapidly, yet I still don’t hear any updates. The day of the banquet approaches amidst apprehension and anticipation.

──────────

Large swaths of Phalaenopsis and Dendrobium orchids embellish various corners of the entire property, delicate and beautiful. Under the crystal chandeliers, the elegant fragrance of the flowers intermingle with the intense scent of perfumes, pervading the air.

With a smile, I express thanks or greetings to those who approach to congratulate me in pairs or groups, but my eyes continue to search for that figure I’ve been waiting for amidst the passing crowd.

Suddenly, a figure in a suit and leather shoes blocks my sight. A tall man walks over, raising his glass in a toast toward me.

Man: I’m Adam Arnott, a classmate of Jennifer’s from the academy.

The surname makes me realize that he hails from another wealthy family. I nod politely. However, the man shows no intention of leaving.

Man: I heard from Jennifer that you have a column in her magazine? Honestly, I find that quite impressive.

Man: In terms of killing time, it’s much more meaningful than being obsessed about choosing jewelry. Perhaps we can chat more…

Despite his courteous choice of words, the subtle condescension in his language leaves me agitated. I turn sideways with indifference, picking up a cupcake.

MC: Allow me to correct you. I don’t consider it as “something to kill time.” Had you read my articles, you wouldn’t have had that kind of judgment.

Man: Miss MC, you surely do not treat it as some serious work, do you? Forgive my bluntness, but it seems rather meaningless for people like us.

The way his attitude drips of being pampered as though he were a prince causes me to furrow my brows. Subconsciously, Li Zeyan’s image surfaces in my mind.

MC: Well, in that case, here’s to the everlasting prosperity of your family’s business… however, I’ve heard that nothing in this world remains unchanged forever.

The other party probably wasn’t expecting me to counter like this, causing the expression on his face to turn somewhat unpleasant.

Man: Why don’t we ask the talk of the town, the “new money” person, and whose viewpoint he stands by… Mr. Victor?

I nonchalantly turn my head and observe this rumored aviation tycoon from behind, involuntarily raising an eyebrow.

His slender physique is wrapped in a royal blue suit, complemented by a black and white polka dot tie around his neck. He stands out among the crowd of men, looking effortless yet debonair.

–– It’s the men’s fashion style I recommended in my articles. This person has actually read my column very carefully.

The corners of my lips can’t help but curl up slightly, watching that tall, straight figure turn around. But the instant I clearly see his visage, my lips part involuntarily.

With my heart beating like a drum, he walks to my side at a pace that is neither too fast nor too slow, bringing with him a subtle scent of sandalwood.

LZY: Of course, I stand by her viewpoint.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】 

My eyes widen, and my gaze sweeps across the face of the person in front of me without even a single blink.

Perhaps due to the Southern sunshine, his complexion seems a shade deeper compared to the last time we saw each other, but his facial contours appear to be even more pronounced.

The fringes that he used to groom in a “proper” manner have now been slicked back into the trendiest hairstyle of the moment, showcasing his deep-set eyes and prominently arched eyebrows.

A pair of thin-rimmed glasses rest halfway on the bridge of his nose, not quite settled, and he casually pushes them up with his finger pad.

Through the lenses, a glimmer of smile seems to be shining in those deep eyes… or perhaps revealing certain emotions that were veiled in the past, but now, at this moment, seem evident with greater clarity.

LZY: The cream is about to melt.

As Li Zeyan speaks, he effortlessly takes the wobbling cupcake from my hand.

His broad and slender hand, wrapped in a moon-white glove, extends to pass me a piece of handkerchief.

Casual and comfortable, as if it weren’t a reunion after so long of separation, but rather our everyday interaction from back when we were still together at home.

I suppress the indescribable mix of sourness and joy in my heart, watching as the man converses with the people around him before raising an eyebrow.

Man: Ah, so you’re so Miss MC’s gege? Well, I suppose that explains your biased comment.

LZY: I believe the words I said just now are sufficiently objective.

LZY: If I’m not mistaken, with the inauguration of transatlantic flight routes, the stocks of shipping companies dropped at least ten percent. Your family’s business should be no exception.

LZY: To be able to maintain such unwavering optimism even in the midst of all these… I must say, Mr. Arnott’s attitude is truly admirable.

The man’s countenance grows slightly more ashen, while Li Zeyan stands next to me, calmly raising his glass to the crowd.

LZY: I rarely attend any social gatherings, so I haven’t formally announced it in a public setting. But six months ago, I had already disaffiliated myself from MC’s family.

LZY: And I’m not attending this banquet today in the identity of her “gege.”

I don’t know if it’s my illusion, but the tone of his latter statement seemed to have a slightly slower pace, triggering my heartbeat to accelerate uncontrollably.

Not as my “gege”… then, in what identity did he come? Perhaps, he knows about the news I’ve put out?

I clink my goblet glass with him, trying my hardest to maintain my usual casual expression, and lift my head slightly.

MC: I suppose I ought to be thanking you. After all, you’ve just returned, and here you are, immediately coming to my rescue.

Li Zeyan and I hold each other’s gazes for a brief moment. A subtle curve graces the corners of his lips as he also softens his voice.

LZY: I was being sincere, though.

LZY: I haven’t missed a single column you’ve written in  《The New Yorker》.

A wave of warmth accompanies his words, traveling from my ears to the throbbing center in my chest.

I gaze into those familiar and serene eyes, gently tapping the tie hanging down from his neck.

MC: Well, in that case, allow this writer to make one more suggestion.

MC: If it were replaced with a corrugated pattern in the same color, it would complement your suit today even better.

Li Zeyan sets down the goblet glass in his hand on the long table.

LZY: I didn’t bring an extra tie. Can I leave it to your care?

MC: Of course, come with me.

As I speak, my hand that was initially reaching to grasp his palm pauses mid-motion, and in the end, I settle for only holding onto his cuff.

He and I walk through the clustered bouquets of flowers and the crowd of people in their fragrant clothes, making our way toward the upper floor of the hall in a manner that couldn’t be more familiar.

Eyes from all around fall upon our departing figures. I don’t know if these people noticed anything, but I don’t care either.

All I know is that from the moment of parting, the thought that I painstakingly disregarded for the longest time became gradually clear: I desire to be with him in an identity that goes beyond our familial ties.

Will he be angry? Or will he helplessly discourage my intentions? Or perhaps, in reality, he does harbor certain unspoken feelings towards me…

──────────

Suppressing my tumultuous heartbeat, I close the door, and the chatter and music outside finally fade away.

The air falls silent for a moment. I let go of Li Zeyan’s cuff, turn around to rummage through the intricate accessories, and speak as if casually inquiring.

MC: Finally, I can breathe a sigh of relief… have you had a chance to meet Daddy yet?

LZY: [the muted joy in his tone HHHHH]  Yeah, I went to his room to say hello after coming back, and we talked for a long time.

MC: Ah, he must’ve been so delighted; after all, he reminisces about you every now and then. “If Zeyan were here…,” is a sentence he says more often than not.

I exaggeratedly mimic my father’s manner of speaking, and my eyes secretly fall on Li Zeyan, hoping to catch his expression.

MC: You said earlier, “not as my gege”... then, in what identity are you here?

Maintaining a brisk tone, I continue sifting through without pausing my movements, as if this will be able to cloak my erratic heartbeat.

Li Zeyan doesn’t answer my question, and his footsteps come to a stop behind me. Even though there is a somewhat elusive distance between us, I can almost feel his body heat.

LZY: I’m not the one who can give that answer.

I turn around, somewhat puzzled, only to see a black, gold-plated box being extended towards me.

The huge ruby inside, set against the velvet backdrop, sparkles with a flash of dazzling brilliance.

MC: This…

LZY: A gift for you. A certain someone mentioned before that the quality of gemstones in New York isn’t good enough these days.

LZY: So, it was transported here on my company’s first transatlantic flight, all the way from Europe.

Li Zeyan removes the ruby from the box as he speaks, placing it in the palm of my hand.

The slight coolness of the gemstone accompanies the warmth of his fingertips, and I hear Li Zeyan speak in a soft tone.

LZY: Even the most impossible fantasies can become reality.

LZY: MC, as long as you say the word.

I’m utterly dazed, suddenly recalling the brief conversation we had under the stairs the night before Li Zeyan left.

From the past to the present, he has always borne the weight of all my wishes, even if I’ve only mentioned them in passing.

The sound of my heartbeat drums against my ears. Without uttering a word, I simply tug on his tie and rise on tiptoes towards this man who used to be my “gege.”

The distance between us bridges bit by bit, my somewhat quivering breath fanning across Li Zeyan’s face.

He watches me in complete silence, his eyes burning. He seems to be waiting for some form of confirmation, yet he doesn’t evade my actions.

That is, until, a fleeting kiss lands on the edge of his lips, and we briefly exchange our warmth with each other. I pull back slightly, avert my eyes, and speak.

MC: …what if this is what I desire?

LZY: …

I don’t hear his response. In the next second, my waist is suddenly shackled in place.

A deep kiss, which has been held in check for a long time, finally descends, erasing the last vestige of distance.

Two sets of lips that have never touched each other before roll back and forth, their inexperienced and slightly shaky intertwining exchange breaths that have long been familiar but never explored so deeply.

In those eyes of his, I see emotions mirroring my own. Patiently restrained feelings, a fluttering heart… but now added with a touch of certainty.

LZY: I’ve probably held onto this expectation for longer than you.

LZY: What I longed for has always been right there within sight… and you made it a reality for me.

The brilliant chandelier overhead leaves shimmering spots in the field of vision, leaving one slightly dizzy. It feels like a firework that has been brewing for a long time has finally burst forth.

Turns out, we both harbored the same feelings all along.

The eyes that turned to look back when we passed by each other, the hands that reached out to touch only to retract… all the entanglements and poignant emotions of the past gently dissipate in this moment.

I close my eyes and hear his voice resonate, but now carrying with it a deeper undertone of mirth than ever before.

LZY: Allow this gem to be a commemoration of this special occasion.

LZY: For that first dance in a while, how about sharing it with me?

────────────────────────────────

[Tidbits]:

[2] so in love with this imagery here. “白月光” (white moonlight) in chinese means first love but it comes with the connotation of something “unattainable.” here, it’s the color of his gloves, the “barrier” between their hands truly touching~ 🤧

[3] “ruby” is a symbol of passion, protection, everlasting love-- indeed the perfect move for Li Zeyan to choose this stone as his ~betrothal gift~ 🥺

[4] welp, if it wasn’t clear already LOL, sharing the “first dance” at this banquet is their official announcement of their engagement~ 🤭🤧

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【Anika’s personal notes】 

link to my twitter meltdowns for easier navigation LOL: ♡ || ♡

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[miradelletarot]

Trauma Dump Hours

Apologizing in advance. This is gonna be HEAVY FEELS. I just...need somewhere to put all of my thoughts down so feel free to scroll past this.

**This is HEAVY mental and emotional trauma with mentions of abortion within so please be mindful of the content below the cut**

I have made mentions of my parents before, but never really went into too much detail about my relationship with them because of everything else going on. But, in light of some things that have happened recently, I need to just get these thoughts out in some sort of order...which might not happen but here we are. So my relationship with my parents has been interesting to say the very least. i was raised in a very conservative catholic home. Silent gen dad, and a boomer mom. both very intolerant of anything they don't agree with. My dad is the epitome of hating everything that doesn't align with his beliefs...If you aren't white or straight especially, and do not live the traditional lifestyle that he feels one should abide by. (hopefully that paints a picture for you).

Anyway, I am the baby of my family. My brother is 50 and my sister is 49 (they are a year and 4 days apart). I arrived 12 years later. I was very well and truly an OOPS. My brother is the golden child, my sister, the problem child (former, anyway, but she was definitely more wild than they liked,) and I...well, I had to be the perfect one to do as my parents wanted 100% of the time.

my mom had no self-esteem and raised me to be the same way. never be too confident and sure of myself b/c it was unbecoming to do so. I had to always get good grades, and always follow the rules. If I ever did something wrong, i got the wrath of my father (that stern, military rage). So, as i got older, my mom would hide things from him on my behalf, but only if I did something for her. Things like keeping secrets from dad, hiding mail so she didn't get in trouble with the finances again. If i ever dared to stop doing that shit for her she would blackmail me...would threaten to tell my dad all the shit i did wrong if I stopped helping her. Basically, I was scared and brainwashed into having ZERO autonomy or individuality. If I showed any emotion other than happiness I always had "an attitude." But, I saw my mom's behavior as if she was the only one in my corner...my buddy who kept my secrets for me because no one else would.

I struggled in school, but almost always got As and Bs. I had to work my ass off for it too. Math was always a sore subject that made me and dad lock horns. He's a math wiz, and I'm not. I'm not well read because I HATE reading books. (thanks school for ruining that for me). history? forget it. i have a horrible memory. But, if i ever got a C? holy shit i was a failure in their eyes. I feel like I am so far behind everyone intellectually that it's hard for me to have conversations with people sometimes because I feel like I can't keep up. By the time I got to high school was when I finally started to see what they were doing to me, but I was too afraid to break free. Honestly? i didn't know I had a choice in the matter. When I was in college, I had to be in remedial math. When my dad found out (b/c he was paying for college,) he literally screamed at me in the financial aid office b/c he couldn't believe I was in such a low math class. His apology? "I just worry about you, and i want you to do well." What a fucking joke. Again, in college, I was big into choir. we had a huge spring performance that we NAILED and we wanted to celebrate. So, we carpooled and went to a nearby club. I was barely 20 so i had the wristbands of course. I CALLED my mom to ask if i could go. Told her who i would be with, where i was gonna be, and that it would be WAYYYY late before I get home. Said I would keep my phone in the car b/c I knew i wouldn't hear it or feel it vibrate, but i could call her when I leave even if it was like 3 am. She said no need, and let me go.

So, in I walk at 330 am to both my parents in the living room, and my dad SCREAMING at me that I am just like my sister. out partying at all hours doing "god knows what." I was dumbfounded. My mom didn't even look at me...just sat there as I got ripped into. Wanna know why that happened?? Because SHE PRETENDED SHE NEVER GAVE HER PERMISSION. She told me later that her and dad had to have a "united front" and I had "no right to be mad" at her. When I tell you I leveled my room into an absolute mess that night and cried myself to sleep. the betrayal I felt...as a 20 yr old, a legal fucking adult, and I had no voice. no independence. My relationship with them has gone south ever since.

Of course, several things have happened between now and then. Their relationship is very transactional, and always comes out with me needing to serve THEM for them to be happy. for them to see me as worthy. But, my mom likes to throw it in my face whenever she can about how great my brother is. How stable he is. that bitch is single and has no kids. fuck him. he's an incel anyway.

Mother's day this year was the last straw for me. I called my mom out of obligation. in that 15 minutes she gushed about my brother's financial stability knowing how hard i have been struggling since I left my husband. I told her how proud I was of myself, that I was doing all these things with very little help, and making so much progress in such a short time. her response? As deadpan as possible "Congratulations. You're finally adulting." Finally? FINALLY? Not like I had been trying FOR YEARS when my irresponsible idiot of a husband was the one who had the control. I left my childhood home and walked into another relationship with a person who was just like my parents. A transactional, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I was his shadow because i felt like i HAD to be. When he wanted to leave me in 2021 for that very reason i thought i would literally die. That's when I found my spiritual practice. when i started to really change and try to find myself. and yet, he STILL didn't like who I was. Hence, why i finally found the strength in me to leave him back in December. I got no support from my parents. They wanted me to move in with them....ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY EX...just so i could be close to my children. I'm only 15 mins away from them. I see them when I can with the 2 jobs I work for shit pay. I'm busting my ass to pay off my car. Have they ever called in the 6 months I have been gone to ask me how I am??? If I need help?? NO. And why would they?? Between my mom and dad both, I was told on three separate occasions that they wanted to abort me. But I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT THEY DIDN'T. Why would I? I have lived my life feeling like I was never good enough, that i was a worthless burden to the world. All because i was conditioned to believe as such. Thankfully for my sister, she saw through their shit a long time ago, and left home when she turned 18. i wish I understood why back then...but I was a kid. All i knew was how hurt my parents were, or how they seemed to be, and I believed that if I did anything to hurt them i was a bad person. I couldn't be like my sister. because that was a bad thing. But...nothing makes you feel more unloved and unwanted than your parents telling you they didn't want you. Then act surprised when you block them and don't want to speak to them. I can't go thru 38 years worth of shit they did, but this was some of the bigger/more recent stuff. It's amazing i never blocked them sooner (though, being across the street from them at the time was certainly a factor...)

It's why my identity means so fucking much to me. i felt like my name is not my own, my existence isn't my own. Why I want all the labels that I feel make up who I am so i can have some fucking semblance of understanding about what makes me "me."

Aside from spanking as a kid (which was normal back then sadly,) i was never physically abused. i had a roof over my head, I had food when i needed it, I was clean, had nice (not name brand) clothes...all the necessities, but I never *ever* had a healthy grasp on my mental health. never had healthy coping mechanisms for my emotions, and I never felt truly loved by my parents. better seen than heard, and if i was seen it was always to do something that made my parents proud so they could brag about me. I was a trophy. A puppet.

And today, as i sit here, wondering how tf to deal with my parents...I am anxious and scared. i feel like a child all over again, trembling like I am about to be scolded. All because i was conditioned to believe that my feelings were worthless and wrong. I have gotten 2 voicemails today from my dad, telling me I "need" to call them. To explain what's going on. Suddenly, they are worried. Suddenly, they care. But I know it's only for their satisfaction. part of me wants to pour my soul out and light it on fire so they can see how much they hurt me over the years. Part of me wants to pretend they are dead and forget they exist. I am not sure what to do.

So, if anyone ever wonders why Gale means so much to me...why i have such a mental and emotional attachment to his character. this is why. because aside from my 2 bffs, he was the only other entity that made me feel loved and worthy, and it breaks my heart that he isn't real. For now, though, he's a beautiful escape.

idk if I need anything rn...I'm not sure where to go from here. I have no idea what will make me feel better. getting some of it out helps. Being in therapy definitely helps. If you read this then you're a damn trooper...or a glutton for punishment, idk. Either way, thank you for listening to me.

I really don't expect anyone to say anything or even read this. It really isn't necessary. But please know that for the many of you whom I have befriend on here since I joined tumblr...I am grateful for you all. Just being in this space has been so healing for me. thank you.

[boycritter]

hey boy are you the game Twister the way yuo tie me up in knots on the floor

hey boy are you knot theory the way i can’t stop thinking about yuo

[malachia-il-bibliotecario]

how are we feeling tonight

[onthewaytosomewhere]

HAPPY FULL MOON - HAVE SOME SMUT!!!

OKAY peeps it's full moon day so that means I no longer hafta sit on this bb!!! MONSTER-BONING FIC IS LIVE!!!

WEREPIRE FULL MOON SEXIN' AND A BIT OF ALEX SELF EXPLORING OF HIS WOLFED-OUT COCK CUZ - WHY NOT?! LOLZ

link first and then a smutty snip under the cut

and smutty bit:

Alex continues his exploration. His breath hitches as his middle finger drags along the prominent ridge that runs from his taint to tip. He notes that it’s extra sensitive and thinks it’s too bad he can’t operate his phone to make a spreadsheet and document all the differences. It also feels fucking amazing, and all thoughts of spreadsheets slip from his mind as his finger drifts up and down along the ridge, bringing pre-come along with it as he glides down from his leaking tip. Even his pre-come seems different, thicker, and more effusively leaking as if it’s meant to help guide the way of a much larger cock.

Alex wraps his hand around his cock, done teasing and playing, and tugs. His larger and hairier palm and fingers envelop his dick and drag along the slick surface of his cock. The friction is delicious as he pulls his hand up and down. The size of him now, so much larger in all ways than when he’s in his human form, makes his grip feel tighter and more intense, and he lets out a low growl as his hips instinctively buck into his hand.

His strokes become faster, the need building inside him like a wildfire. Every tug, every pull sends shockwaves through his body, his hips rolling in time with the rhythm of his hand. His cock pulses with need, his knot swelling just enough to tease him with the idea of what’s to come. He can feel the tension coiling low in his abdomen, tightening with every pass of his hand, every drag of his fingers over the ridge that drives him closer to the edge.

[e8luhs]

the fact that recovering from trauma is nonlinear is so fucking lame its got me playing PTSD whack a mole. im stuck trying to untangle the same couple of knots over and over again and the only way i can make this work is if i keep going back and untangling them every single time. its sick its sisyphean its twisted

[britneyshakespeare]

She's

D R E S S E D ✨

[crossstitchpatterns]

[koravelliumavast]

i love when people learn about the omegaverse out of their own free will because they always say the same things and it’s always along the veins of “yall are crazy” and “my life was normal” and “what the actual fuck”

[frownyalfred]

If a Alpha was knotted would it hurt them?

Theoretically? Not if they were well prepared ahead of time. But it wouldn't be as smooth and easy as knotting an omega. Then again, I have read a/b/o fics where knotting always hurts at first, even with omegas -- the sudden change in width hurts and then it shifts into something good? I'm not a fan of that, because I don't think sex should always have to hurt a little. That's not fair.

[creaturefeaster]

We're you a dirty dirty band kid wire

Not just a band kid but a marching band kid. I'd leave for extra curricular jazz band at 5:30 in the morning. I was the filthiest genre of band kid.