#mental turbulence

[soulmvtes]

i genuinely feel like my frontal lobe developed when i turned twenty

[actualbird]

it's hard having bipolar disorder because it makes me overreact a lot hence why i woke up at 3:30am sobbing over something So Stupid to feel upset about. felt so miserable i didnt know what to do but make myself more miserable so i shoved my fingers down my throat and made myself vomit then i smoked 3 cigarettes in a row and had coffee and then vomited again and now it's 4:40am and i cant sleep (obviously, what with cigs and coffee both being stimulants) and idk what else to do. do i like. make myself vomit again. what now.

[shallowseeker]

🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Truth & despair on AO3 & the Tumblr link to the fic

(Unreliable Sam-POV Destiel, post 15x19 Inherit the Earth, cosmic complications with a happy ending)

With Cas dead, Jack vanished, and Dean in turmoil, Sam turns to therapy. His search for answers leads him to the bunker’s surveillance footage, where he uncovers startling evidence that casts doubt on Dean’s account of Cas’s death...and Dean's sanity. Determined to restore a semblance of normalcy, Sam gets them back on the road. But their case takes a terrifying turn when Chuck appears with a chilling revelation: the universe is targeting them in a deadly Final Destination-style game of fate. As Sam grapples with his own fears and a world seemingly set against them, he clings to the hope that reuniting his fractured family will be the key to overcoming their darkest challenges. Maybe once they’re all back together, they won’t need therapy at all.

🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

[askmarcille]

I know you wanted to extend everyone's life spans to match yours before, and I know you have since come to terms with the fact that you cant- but if there was some sort of magical intervention that could do the opposite; make your life span and aging rate the same as you loved ones (shorter and faster), would you take the plunge?

Ferret

No.

No I wouldn't.

It's been rather difficult, but I understand that I will outlive most if not all of them. But that's just a part of life, isn't it? Seeing people come and go, having to say your goodbyes. Nothing truly lasts forever, nor should it.

It's so easy to want to keep your close friends and family around forever because those can be the hardest people to say goodbye to. Those are the people who know so much (if not the most) about you, and the thought of losing those people who make you feel safe, loved, or comfortable, is hard to wrap your head around. Time always keeps moving, whether we want it to or not.

It's not about the lifespan. Not anymore. I need to focus more on making memories with them all while we're all still here. I know there's going to be a day where some of them aren't and that's okay. But I wouldn't change a thing now. I just need to focus on making the most of the time I have because there will come a day where it'll be over before I know it.

To my party members (and friends) who are probably reading this right now...I'm so sorry.

Change is terrifying and the thought of losing any of you was...well...you know. I was selfish in wanting to keep all of you around for as long as possible without thinking about how you would feel. But I know that I'll continue to support you all and want to make as memories as we can together before it's time to say goodbye. 💙

[848ellie]

Our mind is a clockwork of chaos endlessly ticking with unpredictable patterns. 💫

[ramon-tikaram-love]

is Brassic seriously trying to convince me that Terence McCann, who surely is the most beautiful man in his respective world, who is smart, rich and powerful, fit, stylish, successful and sexy, would pay for someone to engage in sexual acts with him? is that what they were trying to say when he told Erin that there are "other repayment options"? that she could repay him that way? i'd rather think he meant sanitation or servant work or something, maybe prostitution for other folks – especially with how Erin reacted negatively.

but no, we are led to believe that Erin would reject the opportunity to pay her huge debt and get to touch a super beautiful sexy man. *smh facepalming* sure, he is violent and immoral, but oh so magnificent.

McCann has a partner and kids and certainly has loads of people just standing in line wanting to be with him, who'd do all sorts of things for him. he wouldn't spend his money on sexual encounters. people would pay him to even get to lick him. obviously i know best.

anyway, this show is stupid. not just because of this, of course, but this was the final straw.

[aurasalvatoresworld]

As vezes e preciso limpar a alma ,para que restem somente coisas Boas

[peachcitt]

i would just like everyone to know that spotify wrapped decimated me this year

[musical-chick-13]

Hey, I saw your post about female characters being ignored and not cared about, one thing I know and tha I've seen is that; even if the female characters and side characters were all female—they would still genderbend them, or latch onto two male characters who have done no shit and give them better characterisation, the fandom will also flatten, cut out, and remove important characteristics of the important female characters, while giving important hc canons and what not to the two male characters.

It is plain old fandom misogy and has always been there from the beginning.

"Even when women and girls are at the forefront of the story, men will always be seeked out in whatever ways possible, and centralised—female characters on the other hand, will always be judged or ignored; people do not want to admit it, but they still have internalised misogyny to worked on, 'fandom is not activism' gives them an excuse and cover to not examine, women's stories or inner lives don't and have never mattered to a lot of people in varying degrees."

Overall, I just resonate with your frustrations and thought I was the only one . . .

Oh, you have come to the RIGHT place, my friend, I rant about this every other day at minimum.

FEMALE CHARACTERS!! WILL ALWAYS!!!! BE JUDGED OR IGNORED!!!!!!!!! Like. Chainsaw Man and Game of Thrones/ASoIaF have been praised significantly for letting all of the women in them be extremely flawed and complicated in differing and interesting ways, and I STILL see people not engaging with them and/or reducing most of them to one (1) characteristic. (Cersei is a "crazy bitch," Sansa is "stupid" (??), Catelyn is a terrible mom, Melisandre is...there; Kobeni is obnoxious, Makima is hot, Himeno is the Worst™, etc. etc.) And there should be an overwhelming abundance of increasingly implausible f/f ship content, right? (There isn't.)

(And ohhhhh, people want to erase the importance of women to the overall narrative and its themes (and their canonical importance to other-usually male-characters) so bad, see: Cersei, Himeno, Irene Adler, Mary Morstan, MCU Natasha, Camille O'Connell, Bonnie Bennett, Lizzie Saltzman, Mai from AtLA, Martha Jones, tbh even River gets a fair amount of this. And then some of this is obviously combined with racism when the character is a WOC.)

And I don't have a problem with genderbending characters-gender is complicated, and exploring different facets of how a character might interact with the world if their gender identity changed is incredibly interesting!! But it's...very telling that, historically, I have seen this happen a lopsided amount in one direction, where the female characters are reimagined as men and not vice versa. (Remember when a not-insignificant number of people could only stomach BBC Sherlock/Irene if they reimagined Irene as a man? And then got mad at Elementary for CANONICALLY reinterpreting Watson as a woman? Good times. 🙄)

Just...so many of these wildly-hated or ignored women are...not any less complex than a lot of fictional men who get popular. (I'm sorry, you want to tell me that Misa is not at LEAST as interesting and worthy of sympathy as K*lo fucking Ren? When she has the backstory she does and presents an engaging dichotomy of "bubbly/silly yet murderous" and deconstructs the idea of extreme single-minded devotion NO I'M NOT MAD ABOUT THIS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT)

And the idea of "fandom is not activism" is supposed to be used in the sense of "Liking a pRoBLeMaTiC dynamic/character in a story doesn't mean you think that behavior is okay in real life" (finding a fictional war criminal interesting doesn't equate to supporting genocide, exploring a toxic dynamic in fic doesn't inherently mean you hate victims, etc.), and "Paying lip service to marginalized/mistreated fictional characters is not the same as helping and supporting actual marginalized/mistreated people in real life." It doesn't mean, "We ignore obvious examples of misogyny and racism and ableism and transphobia and all other prejudices just because this is supposed to be fun." Biases are systemically ingrained, and any given person will bring those biases into all facets of their life; that doesn't just magically stop happening because one of those life facets happens to be a hobby or form of entertainment. Breaking down and dismantling prejudice has to happen on every level, including the """small""" ones.

The only time I have ever seen people engage with multiple female characters on a regular basis while admitting to their importance and narrative complexity and actually creating fanworks about them is Noir (2001). And that's because there are a whole 10 people in this fandom and the show has no men. (Okay, not literally, but you know what I mean.) And it's just so incredibly frustrating that that's the point we have to get to just for it to be possible for people to bother with a work's female characters on an enthusiastic, regular basis. (Because, as you said-that doesn't always happen even when those conditions are met.)

ANYWAY, I'm so sorry for making this response so lengthy, but genuinely I have been holding this in for a long time. TLDR, you're right and you should say it. You definitely aren't the only one, and I'm so, so glad that somebody Gets It.

[arisu-alisa-alice]

𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓪.𝓴.𝓪 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝔂, 𝓒𝓪𝓲𝓽, 𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓽

[bardicious]

My levels of spite have always been hilarious.

[dinosaurchurch]

It's hard to stand on your own, there's no doubt about that especially when you've grown accustomed to relying on other people. I think that there comes a point where everyone is in that boat, even those that people think are 'tough' or 'strong'. You have to take the leap and to let go of everyone's hand for once to stand on your own and shine your way through the dark.

Even with the turbulence over the past few years I think I can finally say I'm okay to stand by myself spite a year ago not knowing if I could. It's funny for me to say that I didn't know if I'd ever pull out of that low and find my shine again. It's that uncertainty that shook my confidence, it's not something that was easily gotten back but here I am - doing a 180 on my mood and outlook.

It's like what changed? What did I do to get back here? If there was a hell, I think I found it because my inner demons sure as hell didn't want to leave me alone long enough to find peace. It's fighting that doubt - the insecurities and fears that I swept under the rug and thought were going away when they weren't that made this what it was. I forced myself to slug through it because no matter how much of a support system you have it's ultimately you that has to pull through for yourself. Nobody can help you if you give up and throw the towel in.

Grueling isn't even the word for it. There was days that were worse than others that I could feel my anxieties creeping back up - the depression I had trying to tug me back into the hole that I was trying to crawling up from. Then there were days that things felt like they were looking up, it was like a life boat floating there waiting for me. It was the thought mainly that I felt okay before this then I'll feel okay after it passes that kept me going.

I don't think I could describe to people the amount of emotions I kept at bay; I didn't want to break down in front of anyone. People have never seen me that way and honestly I didn't want them to, I think the biggest reason behind that was the mere fact that once I break down other people follow suit. It's hard when people prop you up onto this pedestal - like you're the one that people should be following so when you take a misstep what do you do? It's a double edged sword, I genuinely like being the leader figure for people but at the same time I don't want people to feel some of the vulnerabilities or suffer as I have with what I don't typically show people. I realize that I'm only human and I think that comes with the territory that I will need someone to set me back onto the right path from time to time too.

Maybe it's just how I am but I don't like to flaunt my inner world and open up that much to people. I'm expressive, but I'm private. I think a lot of folks get the two mixed up since there's some overlap here but they are still very much separate things. It's one of many reasons why I write down what I'm thinking; if I didn't tell anybody then they'd never know. It's good to get things off your chest and to express yourself.

All I know is that regardless of what I've said, I've come a long way since this time last year. Mental health is something people should be putting more focus on - it can absolutely affect your physical self in ways that you probably wouldn't of guessed. I found that out the hard way so that's another reason why I decided to write these sort of 'journal entry' posts. You're not alone, it's just that people don't talk about these sorts of struggles openly. I'm glad that's changing, it needs to.

Anyways I've rambled enough. I'm happy to be where I am.

[young-and-rackless]

“If you’re alive

Then it means that you’re committed to survive

That’s enough to drain the life from you sometimes”

don’t give up

(this is as much for me as it is for you)

[ghoulish00]

The demons looooooooveeee to play chase and tag but I’m not playing I’m trying to run away!!

[squid--inc]

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