#mental health benefits of a gap year

[markllockwood]

Therapeutic gap semester or year

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

uni is like I offer you degree* to pursue career in exchange for money

and I’m like sick sign me up! and then weeks after I’ve signed I’m like hang on a sec let me read the small print

*also included deteriorating mental health

gets me every time

[tpwk-formula1]

Hi could I please order this:

Lando Norris, Thick Crust, Red Sauce, Garlic, BBQ Chicken, Sun-dried tomatoes, Root beer, Water, Mango Smoothie, Yes

And could you maybe add a little age gap in there if that's possible. Thank you. 😌

AN: Kinda embassing I did this big ole thing saying 'IM BACK" and then proceeded not to actually be back. Anyways I'm writing this Friday the 10th so as you can see I am preparing myself. I don't know if Im back for sure for sure to be 100% honest my mental health has been declining and my drive to write has been lack. I have tomorrow off and I plan to write most of the day to get ahead of posts!

TW: daddy kink, kinda "ditzy" reader, unprotected sex, breeding kink, baby talk, creampie, slight edging talk, sugar daddy (KINDA)

WC: 1.4k

thick crust sugar daddy red sauce rough sex garlic "I know you love it when I fill that pretty pussy with my cum" BBQ chicken “Gonna let me cum in you? I know you wanna have my baby” sun dried tomatoes "Gonna look so pretty pregnant" root beer daddy kink water breeding kink mango smoothie baby trapping dessert yes served by Lando Norris

Y/N POV

"Lando, are we done at the shops?" I ask softly as we exit another shop Lando had managed to convince me to go into on our day out.

"What's got you in such a hurry?" Lando asks back smirk clearly knowing exactly what I'm wanting.

"Don't tease. You spent all morning between my thighs without release," I reply back in a low whisper making sure no one walking the Monaco streets can hear the very private conversation.

"Who's to say I'm gonna give you that release now," Lando says with a teasing smirk while we continued to walk towards where we had parked the car.

"Cause whether you admit it or not, you love watching me cum," I say with a smirk while opening the door to the McLaren and hoping in. Once I was seated in the passenger seat Lando leans down popping his head into the car before placing a small kiss on my lips.

"I do love watching the way your eyes roll into the back of your head when you cum for me," Lando whispers against my lips making me whine slightly and try to lean into Lando's lips for another kiss but he's pulling away slowly with a small laugh falling from his lips.

"You'll have to wait baby," Lando says in a teasing voice while closing the car door and making his way to the driver's side.

When we finally make it to Lando's apartment I'm unbuckling and ready to hope out the car before Lando had even put the car fully in park.

"Such a whore you're in this much of a hurry?" Lando says with a smirk making me roll my eyes and jump out of the car before rounding it to Lando's side and pulling him towards me.

Once Lando and I standing chest to chest my hands quickly find the back of his neck as I try to pull him towards me.

"Please daddy," I whine still trying to pull him towards me.

"Let's get inside the apartment first," Lando whispered back starting to show signs of being turned on.

We both quickly make our way up to the apartment my hand never leaving his and when we get inside the apartment Lando quickly has me pushed up against the door.

"Fuck, you look so fucking good in this dress," Lando groans against my lips while running his hands up and down my thighs.

"Thanks daddy, you bought it," I whisper back while letting a teasing laugh fall from my lips before finally pulling Lando in for the kiss I had been wanting for all day.

I moan into the kiss when I feel Lando's tongue tangle into mine. When Lando's hands wrap around the back of my thighs I jump into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist and letting him carry me into his bedroom.

“Gonna let me cum in you tonight? I know you wanna have my baby,” Lando groans against my lips making me whimper and nod.

While all of this had started as a friends with benefits with a bit of a sugar daddy twist we had quickly fallen into a routine that became clear we were each other's person and more than just a friend. Now being together for more than two years we have finally been able to play into our breeding kink.

"Please daddy. I wanna feel your cum filling up my pussy," I whimper back into his mouth. I can feel Lando grinding into my core through our clothes making me whimper.

"Please daddy, I can't take anymore teasing," I whine trying to grind my hips into him harder.

Lando finally sits up a bit and pulls his shirt off before pulling my dress up and off my body with a bit of my help. When he sees that I'm not wearing a bra or any panties under my dress Lando can't help the moan that leaves his lips.

"My pretty slut. You walked around all day letting your pussy juices drip down your thighs all day," Lando says with a smirk while letting his fingers lightly trail over my hardened nipple.

"You had me too flustered after this morning," I admit sheepishly trying to burry my face into his neck but Lando holds me back making sure I can see his smirk, before he plants a soft his on my lips before letting them trail down my jaw and neck.

"Oh Lan," I moan softly when his mouth finds one of my nipples. This only encourages Lando travel farther down my body and once his mouth finally touches my throbbing clit I can't the moan I let out.

"Fuck, already so wet for me," Lando says with a smirk while running his fingers through my drenched fold before dipping two of his thick fingers into my desperate hole.

"So good," I moan loudly when Lando's fingers graze my G-spot at the same time his tongue takes a long lick at my clit.

It didn't take long for Lando to bring me close to the edge given all the teasing Lando had put me through this morning. I knew he wasn't gonna let me cum that easy but I can't help the loud whine I let out when he pulls away from my desperate pussy.

"Lando, please! I need to cum," I whine trying to grind my hips up trying to get some kind of stimulation.

Lando finally gives into my pleas because he stands up for a split second to pull off his pants and boxers before climbing back into the bed and almost instantly running the hard tip of his thick cock through my folds before pushing in filling me up completely.

"Fuck, gonna look so pretty pregnant," Lando grunts while fucking into me at a harder pace clearly thinking about what I may look like when I get pregnant with his kids.

"Fuck daddy, harder," I moan arching my back off the bed slightly, letting Lando hit my G-spot at the new angle he is fucking me at.

"Fuck, I can feel you clenching around me. Tryna milk all my cum huh?" Lando grunts out teasing me slightly only driving me even closer to the edge.

"Yes daddy! Please can I cum," I beg feeling tears start to well up in my eyes from holding back from cumming for so long.

"Cum for me and then beg for my cum," Lando grunts making me whimper before I feel his fingers start to tease my clit throwing me over the edge almost instantly.

"Oh fuck, thank you daddy!" I cry out in a moan feeling my orgasm come in waves while Lando continues to milk every last bit of pleasure out of my body.

"Please fill me up with your cum," I beg softly letting my post orgasm haze set in. I can feel Lando's thrusts start to shutter before I feel one final thrust deep into my pussy and Lando filling me up with his warm cum.

"Mm, thank you, Lan," I mumble pulling Lando in for another kiss moaning when I feel one final rope shoot into my pussy.

"I know you love it when I fill that pretty pussy with my cum," Lando teases while pulling out of my pussy making me whimper slightly when I feel my pussy clench around nothing.

Lando quickly collects some of the cum from my leaking pussy before fucking it back into my pussy. I whimper when he grazes my G-spot before slipping his fingers out and teasing my clit for a split second before pulling away.

Lando leans down over my body and places a few soft kisses along my face before finding my lips.

"I love you," Lando tells me softly against my lips making me smile softly.

"I love you too!" I say back with a bright smile starting to spread across my face.

Lando climbs out of bed and finds a a clean towel coming back into the room and softly cleaning me up while he praises me for doing to good.

Once he's cleaned me up enough he grabs a pair of clean boxers and throws them on while finding one of his shirts and making his way back to the bed and helping put it on me.

Once we both get settled into bed I can help but feel a sense of contentment wash over me.

"Will you finally move in officially?" Lando asks softly while running his fingers through my hair.

"Only when you finally get me pregnant," I tease with a smirk on my face. Lando just rolls his eyes and laughs lightly.

[cosmereplay]

Kaladin Didn’t Invent Therapy (And Why That’s Actually Great)

“...You need someone to talk to, Noril, when the darkness is strong. Someone to remind you the world hasn’t always been this way; that it won’t always be this way.” “How do you … know this?” Noril asked. “I’ve felt it,” Kaladin said. “Feel it most days.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

I’m writing as someone with a background in psychotherapy and peer support, and I'm bursting with excitement about one of my favourite topics. You can imagine why I love Kaladin’s arc in Rhythm of War so much! I actually yelled out loud when I read some of these parts the first time.

I’ve seen people online saying and making jokes that Kaladin invents therapy, and while that could eventually be true, what Kaladin actually invented in RoW is mental health peer support. Psychotherapy as most people would understand it simply doesn’t exist yet on Roshar. However, peer support is a legitimate modality for healing on its own merits. Even more importantly for the story, peer support is something Kaladin would personally really benefit from, and it fits his narrative arc way better than therapy would.

1. Therapy as we know it won’t exist for a while yet.

“We need to study their responses, use an empirical approach to treatment instead of just assuming someone who has suffered mental trauma is permanently broken.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy “Someone needs to talk to them, try different treatments, see what they think works. What actually helps.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

Obviously, Kaladin has not been educated in battle shock or melancholia or any other diagnosis. In Alethkar there's hardly any knowledge to be had on the subject. Even now in real life, research into effective interventions for various diagnoses is still ongoing, over 100 years after modern therapy was founded.

Building an empirical knowledge base* will take time, not to mention the years it will take to train new therapists across Roshar in how to provide interventions specific to various issues. Therapy as we know it today generally includes time in mentorship with another therapist, so in a way, the first therapist isn't a therapist. 😅 In the meantime, there are people who need help today, including Kaladin.

Peer support can fill that gap because its knowledge base is different. Peers bring their expertise, which is their years of trial and error, successes and failures - their lived experience. Peer facilitators need to know the basics of managing a group, and they have to be willing to share their own experiences and learn from the group. Thus, training peer leaders is relatively quick, and incredibly scalable and adaptable across cultures and many issues/diagnoses.

2. Peer Support is a distinct path to recovery that doesn’t require an expert in therapy.

Kaladin located six men in the sanitarium with similar symptoms. He released them and got them working to support each other. He developed a plan, and showed them how to share in ways that would help...Today they sat in seats on the balcony outside his clinic. Warmed by mugs of tea, they talked. About their lives. The people they’d lost. The darkness. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding “While you can’t force it, having someone to talk to usually helps. You should be letting him meet with others who feel like he does.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25, Devotary of Mercy

Kaladin is already positioning himself to align with the values of peer support. Some of these values overlap with therapy, such as dignity, respect, inclusion, hope, and trust. What makes peer support different is a particular emphasis on equal relationships, self-determination, and personal growth (Peer Support Canada, 2022).

In peer support, the group facilitator is not considered an authority like a therapist would be. A peer leader may be further on the road to recovery, but they may not be. They are expected to listen and grow just like any other group member.

Because the leader of the group is also a learner, peer support groups tend to be more collaborative and open-ended. Everyone in the group has something they can take out of it and something to give. Everyone in the group is responsible for managing their own self care, and everyone in the group is responsible for the direction of their own growth. This is different from most therapy groups, which often have a specific focus or goal that the therapist is responsible for implementing. And speaking of responsibility...

3. Peer Support Fits Kaladin’s Narrative Arc Better than Therapy

At his father’s recommendation—then insistence—Kaladin took it slowly, confining his initial efforts to men who shared similar symptoms. Battle fatigue, nightmares, persistent melancholy, suicidal tendencies. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding …he’d learned—these last few months—that his battle shock could take many forms. He was getting to where he could confront it. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 39 Invasion

I think everyone can agree that Kaladin needs to participate in therapy just as much as the other battle-shocked men he finds in the Devotary of Mercy.

However, in therapy, the focus is solely on the needs of the clients. A therapist should not be distracted by their own issues (when this happens, it’s called countertransference). Further, therapy is generally framed such that the therapist is the only expert in the room, which means therapists have a higher level of responsibility for how the clients are doing (which varies depending on the issue, the therapy modality, and the circumstances).

In his own recovery, Kaladin is working on trying to take less responsibility for others, so setting him up as a therapeutic authority could be harmful for him. In a position of authority, he might be tempted to replicate the hierarchical structure he was in before (which would impede his own growth), or try to save everyone (which could impede everyone's growth). He simply doesn’t have the mentorship or knowledge base he'd need to work through those issues before leading as an expert.

In contrast, the point of peer support is the mutual sharing of lived experience. The group facilitator is expected to share their own struggles (as a model of recovery), and allow others to support them. In the context of a more balanced power dynamic, Kaladin can give the other group members the space they need to grow, and he can pursue his own recovery without feeling like he’s letting others down. Also, he will be able to leave the group during KOWT without worrying that the group won't be able to run without him. Everyone in the group carries some responsibility for each other, so group members can come and go with less stress than a change in therapist would cause in group therapy.

This is the beauty of peer support. It can happen anywhere people with similar experiences get together. No formal education is required. What is required is a willingness to know yourself as well as you can; to share your experiences; to listen to others tell their stories; to question your own assumptions as you learn how others handle things differently; to look out for each other's safety; to care.

Peer support creates a place of belonging and a community repository of shared wisdom. Kaladin almost had it on Bridge Four, but his position of authority wouldn’t allow him to grow the way he needed. Peer support is what Kaladin needs - he needs a place where he can take off his armour among people who get it because they're struggling with similar issues, and without having a position of responsibility over them. When he (eventually**) attends the groups, they help him grow!

Anyway, that's why Kaladin didn’t invent therapy, and why I think that's great.

For the men chatting together softly, the change was in being shown sunlight again. In being reminded that the darkness did pass. But perhaps most important, the change was in not merely knowing that you weren’t alone—but in feeling it. Realizing that no matter how isolated you thought you were, no matter how often your brain told you terrible things, there were others who understood. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding

---

*Funny enough, empirical research could lead Rosharan researchers right back to peer support. Empirical research on Earth has shown that modern therapy and peer support have similar levels of effectiveness (for example, for depression and PTSD).

**Look who’s resisting attending the groups he founded…KALADIN!! (shakes fist in the general direction of the sky) (This is the most relatable passage for me in this whole book, by the way, helper types unite lmao):

Kaladin looked down at the table. Had it? Had talking to Noril helped? “He’s been avoiding joining in,” Teft said. “I haven’t,” Kaladin snapped. “I’ve been busy.” Teft gave him a flat stare. Storming sergeants. They always heard the things you weren’t saying. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 38 Rhythm of the Terrors

Peer Support Canada. (2022). Peer Support Core Values. Accessed from https://peersupportcanada.ca/ Jun 27, 2022.

[crunchystarz]

"A Distant Memory I Used to Know"

Chapter - 2 EyelessJack x GNreader

Previous - chapter index

CW- none

Summary: After you drop your brother off at school you run into that same masked man from a few days ago.

Word count: 2429

“We've been looking more into the recent rise in the numbers of murders taking place in our ci-"

With a click the TV powered off. You needed to not listen to the news, for your own sake you told yourself. Placing the remote back on the counter you let out a sigh.

You don't need anything else to feed your paranoia. You haven't been able to sleep much after the convenience store incident. You felt like you were going insane. It was just some random guy, so why was it driving you crazy?

You hated that one small thing that messed with your head so much.

It's just one guy. One weird masked guy. You felt as if you saw that mask before. Like you know it from somewhere.

Who are you kidding? You needed to call your therapist and see if any spots opened up sooner than your initial date.

"What do you think would happen if a fox were to drink an entire can of soda?" A chirpy voice said from behind you.

Hunter rested his head in his hands. You chuckled and ruffled through his scruffy black hair still slightly damp from his shower. He swatted you away while laughing.

“Foxes don't have opposable thumbs. How would they drink from a can? " You playfully questioned swiftly turning around and flipping the pancake to cook it on the other side.

“Well I never said it had to come from a can just it was the amount that was in a can! Plus it could have knocked it over” The boy playfully bantered back.

You let out a fake hurt gasp before putting your hand on your hip giving him a glare. “Getting sassy with me now Mr, Bold maybe I shouldn't add chocolate chips to your pancakes”

“Nooo” Hunter said, flopping his upper body on the counter, head down.

“That's what I thought” You chuckled gently hitting him on the head with your spatula.

Hunter was one of the only good things in your life that came from your past. You were adopted into a middle class white family when you were 4. Your parents weren't really in your life much however. Growing up you were convinced they only had adopted you for tax benefits.

They weren't physically abusive however they played a massive part in your poor mental health growing up. They didn't go to things like school graduations or after school club things. They never got you anything for Christmas only every other birthday you'd get a happy birthday card as a rushed gift.

They never knew how to take care of things like your hair which you learned all by yourself through lots of trial and era and almost killing it tons of times.

Things like this led to your already poor social skills dropping so low they were basically non-existent. You hated talking to most people and your friends never lasted long.

Except for one boy. You don't remember much about him because a lot of your life is a blur but he was nice and stuck with you throughout highschool as you recall.

Hunter was their golden child. Their first blood child. He was spoiled for the first two years of his life until your mom passed due to unfortunate circumstances.

Your mom was always the more responsible one. She worked a ton and did a lot of the financial work. She tried more with you yet wasn’t super active in your life.

Unlike your father who was always a complete snob. He was a college dropout who stayed home. Sometimes you'd even wonder how any one can put up with that man

Your dad got a new girlfriend pretty fast after your mother's death. Things got worse and your father payed no attention to Hunter after that.

You adored your brother however, he was a good kid with a kind heart. So you were more than happy to basically be the one to raise him for a little bit until you went off to college.

You and Hunter had a 15 year age gap but you two were still extremely close. Your brother got you and helped you stay grounded.

With you having your own place and all you could take care of Hunter more often. Unfortunately for legal reasons you couldn't keep the kid all the time and you've sometimes debated on trying to get full custody over him but you knew it probably wouldn't end well.

Despite only being 12 Hunter was extremely smart. He for the most part understood your weird traumatized brain and was a big help when it came to calming you down other than the pills. He really was your only family.

"Who do you think would win million Pikachus or Godzilla?" The raven hair asked, reaching for the syrup bottle that was on the farther end of the counter. You put the plate of hot pancakes on the surface before pushing the maple syrup closer to the boy.

"How about we stop talking and eat ,hurry before you're late for school" You chuckled to yourself. Hunter pouted but started to dig in anyway.

You went to clean up your batter mess you made in the kitchen. You'd need to change before you left the apartment because your shirt was now covered in dried up pancake mix. You usually didn't make big breakfasts like these but you'd do anything for your brother.

You went off to get changed while Hunter finished up breakfast. It was getting significantly colder so you made sure to put it on your mental list to get Hunter a new winter jacket.He was tall for his age.He had a huge growth spurt a few months ago yet his voice was still as squeaky as can be. His new height difference meant he needed new clothes and you wanted to make sure he stays warm during the upcoming winter.

You two left your apartment after two checks to make sure he had everything. Hunter went on ahead before you, skipping down the steps that led to your apartment which was on the second floor.

You locked up your door, again making sure to lock both the bottom and the top. A familiar meow from a few days rang through your ears. You looked down to see the kitten from before under your legs. It meow and rubbed your leg. Your heart basically melted.

"Hey buddy nice to see you again...I hope you're keeping warm- I can't stay long though" You said to the cat who obviously didn't understand what you were saying just appreciated the chin scratches it received from you.

You realized you should head off before Hunter got inpatient and threatened to eat your entire kitchen again. You gave the chestnut colored cat one last pat before hurrying to catch up with your younger brother.

Hunter's school is luckily in a good distance for you to walk from and back to. This helps save gas whenever he was over on days he had school. You smiled as the younger boy walked on the sidewalk occasionally kicking a fallen leaf.

When you two got to middle school you made sure to do your little "don't get into any trouble" speech before shooing the boy. He gave you a hug before sprinting off when he saw one of his friends. You smiled to yourself as you went to walk in the direction you had came from.

You hummed a random tune as you slowly strolled along the concrete. You weren't in a rush to go anywhere so you could take in the calm scenery. It wasn't an extremely pretty sight as you were just walking through your neighborhood but it was an early morning in the beginning of fall. You were allowed to appreciate the small things.

Your body tensed up but you never stopped walking. There it was again. You couldn't catch a break could you? The feeling of eyes on you was back. It made your skin itch. It made you want to sprint home and get under your covers where you felt safe.

You're just being paranoid again [ name] just like you always are there is no one watc-

Your brain circuited as you felt something hard bump into you. Well more so you bumped into it. A person. Once you collected yourself from your mini shock. God you were all over the place, You fully realized you bumped into a person. A person. A human being.

"Holy shit I am so sorry I wasn't paying attention I-" You blurted out an jumbled up apology. Embarrassed, you cleared your throat. Just like the first time your heart skipped a beat. It felt...sickly. A discomforting feeling of familiarity washed over you.

You were met with silence from the same hooded man from the other day. The same masked weirdo that was like a plague to your mind. That mask. Against you felt as if you've seen it before. The thought made your stomach twist. You soon realized how tall the brunette was exactly. You had to basically step back to look at him properly. He was so tall it almost felt... unnatural.

You got a better look at the man from last time. He was lanky and scruffy looking. You couldn't make out any facial features as he wore a mask. A blue mask covered in some unknown goop. It looked more dried out than the last time you saw it. Maybe it was paint. He wore the basic black hoodie like before and tattered jeans. His shoes were beat up and definitely have seen better days.

The way he looked at you made you cold. You swallowed and subconsciously made yourself look bigger. That damn mask. It would make any normal person uncomfortable but man it felt as if the empty sockets of the eyes were just staring into you.

You were snapped out of your trance when you heard him clear his throat. "No its fine I wasn't paying attention as much as you were..." That british accent called out.

The second time you heard him speak. His voice didn't match his creepy appearance. While it was extremely monotone it was strangely calming. You wanted to say something so bad.

You didn't know why just something made you want to. Maybe you thought talking to him would make him leave your brain completely and you'd give your mind some closer that we was just some weirdo walking around. Just as he started to continue his way down the street.

"Hey um uh-"

You didn't know what to say. He stopped. That's good. You hoped anyway. He turned on his heel and faced you again. He tilted his head in an almost animalistic way. As if he was showing you he was listening, waiting for you to continue. While he stared at you, that weird feeling of being watched came back. You swallowed a lump of air.

"Do you live around here?... I haven't seen you around here is what I meant-" You stopped yourself from talking you sounded like a mess. You felt embarrassed. You honestly didn't know what to say. You started rethinking why you even stopped him. You really had no reason other than you couldn't get this stranger out of your head. You felt absolutely insane.

He's literally just some weirdo that you so happened to run into twice. A weirdo that you for some unknown reason feel like you know. A stranger. A stranger in a mask. Calm yourself.

"Do you…remember me too?”

Your thoughts halted when he spoke up again. You didn't get to catch what he said because you were so wrapped up in your own head. You felt bad and gave him a weak smile.

" I'm sorry, what was that?"

…

" It was nothing I just had said you're that same person from the other day is all. It's funny running into you again especially because I don't necessarily live around here" He supposedly repeated with a shrug. You let out a sigh of relief and chuckled a little to yourself. You really are getting yourself worked up over nothing.

He is just some weirdo.

"sorry for um you know stopping you out of nowhere i just don't know i couldn't get you out of my head- wait no that sound creepy it's just you have a strange.... appearance? I'm just making this worse for myself aren't I" You awkwardly laughed. To your surprise the masked man let out a laugh. This calmed your nerves a little bit.

"I get it not everyday you see someone who looks like...well me I guess. Just walking around in broad daylight like some kind of freak " He replied in his monotone voice. You two just stared at each in silence for a bit. He cleared his throat before nodding his head.

"I should go...stay safe out here with all these murders and all"

"y-yeah um you too"

The brunette walked away with a quick wave goodbye. Maybe he was some psychopath your brain tricked you into thinking you knew after all.

You ran your tongue across your bottom row of teeth before taking a deep breath. You needed a nap, or an entire tub of ice cream. Both. Both would be needed.

You turned on your heels before making your way home. You listened to your footsteps as you walked up your apartment stairs.

You were stopped yet again but a now familiar fur ball. The tiny cat watched you as you unlocked the door to your home. You thought it was going to run off again but instead it let it into the building. You blinked as it turned to you and let out a meow.

"This is not your house, all though I might have to just name you if you keep showing up like this" You basically scolded the kitten.

It meowed at you again as if it was talking back to you. You put your hands on your hip and stared down at the creature. "You're adorable but you need out" You said as if it understood you, you pointed to the open door.

It just meowed again and walked farther into your home. You let out a sigh. You were to mentally and physically exhausted to chase a kitten out of your home. You shut your front door and promised yourself you'd deal with the kitten who was now rubbing itself all over your couch later.

—

"What happened to you?"

....

"stay back"

"please..."

[csuitebitches]

Rebranding Yourself Online using ChatGPT

Summary from “Brand Aid: Taking control of your reputation before everyone else does” by Larry G Linne and Patrick Sitkins. This book is from the early 2010s so some things are outdated and not exactly applicable. It’s also a more corporate/ business focused book. I took away what i felt were the major lessons and were more applicable to young adults/ teens/ people on social media today (because social media in 2013 vs today is very different).

I also wanted to add my own input to the summary. I’ve added prompts for ChatGPT that you can use to help figure your personal brand out better.

When rebranding yourself online, I would highly recommend:

1. Archive all your personal Instagram account’s posts (if you have an online business, create a separate page and show very little of yourself). Remove all your stories and highlights. Deactivate your account for at least 8 months.

2. Spend the next 8 months building your social media strategy, your personal brand and reinventing yourself in any way and form you want to (mental, physical, spiritual, etc).

3. Use Pinterest and figure out a theme that defines you the best. Take a look at @mafeanzures

————————-

* A brand is what people think of you.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you think other people think of you?

2. What personal attributes would you benefit from the most if those items were well known to everyone?

Question 1 and 2 in the next few prompts refers to these 2 questions.

ChatGPT prompts after you finish writing down the above answers:

“I want to develop my personal brand on instagram (or any one social media site at a time). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What should I do to be seen as that?”

This will give you a STRATEGY that you can further modify.

Now, ask the same question again but with one change:

“I want to develop my personal brand on instagram (or any one social media site at a time). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What should I post online to be seen as that?”

This will give you CONTENT that you should consider posting.

**

* It is very likely that if you are to meet someone new and you’re aware you’re going to meet them, you’ll check their social media out. Whether its LinkedIn, facebook, twitter, instagram… keep your online presence clean.

* Before you post ANYTHING online, ask yourself: “how will this affect my brand?” If you post a story about a nasty break up/ a friendship falling apart/ a negative restaurant review… how do you think other people will see you? Be extremely mindful of your brand and what you post online.

* Rather than the age old advice “just be yourself”, look at “just be your best self.”

**

7 steps to a great brand:

1. Write down what you think people think of you: both positive and negative

2. Determine your goals in life (career, family, etc). What brand items do you need to get there? For example, the brand item “intelligent” to move up the corporate ladder. What will you need in order to be perceived as intelligent?

3. Gap analysis: the difference between point 1 (current situation) and point 2 (desired situation).

4. Develop action items. For example, if you want to be seen as innovative at work, start bringing ideas to meetings.

5. Influences on your brand: your dress, style, voice tone and quality, health, recreation, the car you drive, social environments, where you live, the language you speak, the subjects of your conversations, social media postings all impact your brand.

6. List what you must do to protect your brand. For example: not drinking in public; dressing a certain way; etc.

7. Review every 6 months.

Ask ChatGPT: “I am (ethnicity) (gender), (age) years old based in (City, country). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). My viewers would mostly be people from (conservative/liberal/ rural/ urban/ define audience. In case there are two audience types, ask one at a time) backgrounds. I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What behaviours should I not engage in?”

**

Using the power of “always”: 5 specific things you pride on yourself for doing regularly.

“I always take the time to be updated in my field of work.”

“I always volunteer every Sunday.”

**

Things to keep in mind:

A. Are you easy to find online?

B. Is your content consistent?

C. Do your pictures, videos convey your personal brand?

D. What will enhance your brand?

E. What will damage your brand?

Ask ChatGPT: “I want to develop my personal brand on instagram (or any one social media site at a time). Currently I’m seen as a (2 of the most negative qualities and 2 of the most positive qualities from question 1). I want to be seen as (4 of the most positive qualities from question 2). What can potentially damage my brand if I’m not careful?”

**

If you are willing to see what you are doing and saying on the front page of a newspaper tomorrow, proceed with it. If you wouldn’t want it on the front page of the newspaper, STOP immediately.

**

More things to keep in mind:

1. The internet amplifies everything

2. Context matters

3. Consistency is everything

4. Your “at home” brand is as important as “outside of home” brand

[cinderella-ish]

How Labeling Characters "Good" or "Bad" Misses the Point of Fruits Basket

A few years ago, I decided to remove the words "good" and "bad" from my vocabulary as much as possible.

Why? Because I have OCD, and I was struggling with something called "splitting," more commonly known as "black-and-white thinking."

Beyond the benefits it would have for my mental health, I wanted to challenge myself to be more precise with my commentary, whether appreciative or critical. "Fruits Basket is soooo good!" may be a true statement (in my completely objective, unbiased opinion lol), but it doesn't actually say anything meaningful about what makes the story so "good." I'd rather say how it affected me, why I think it's absolutely worth watching or reading, what it made me think about, etc...

Something I see in a lot of Furuba fan spaces is a desire to label characters or relationships as "good" or "bad," and letting that be the focus of the commentary. This even happens without necessarily using those exact words; people will talk about whether Akito "deserved" redemption/forgiveness, whether certain relationships or even crushes are "okay," whether a certain character was "abusive," etc... and sometimes even more subtle ways of labeling characters "good" or "bad," but I think this entirely misses the point of the story, and beyond that, it's just not a helpful way to go about discussing media in general.

The thing that prompted this post was one of those much more subtle cases: a comment I saw claiming that it was out-of-character for Tohru to support Arisa and Kureno's relationship. My first reaction was, "are we talking about the same Tohru here?" because the Tohru I saw in Fruits Basket would absolutely support Arisa and Kureno's relationship. But my next thought was to wonder why that commenter would feel that way, and here's where I've landed on that:

In that commenter's mind, Tohru is "good," and the relationship between Arisa and Kureno is "bad," so it doesn't make sense that a "good" person would support a "bad" relationship.

But what a wildly simplistic take! It's one that misses so much nuance of Tohru's character; her personal history, her ways of relating to her friends, etc... To me, there's absolutely no way Tohru as she's written would ever not support that relationship, and here's why:

First, Tohru is rarely assertive, and when she is, it's in situations where one person is clearly being hurt and it must be addressed immediately. She almost seems to run on instinct in those situations. I'm thinking of when she pushed Akito away from Yuki, or when she told Akito to stop hurting Momiji, or when she told Kyo she would go against her mother, or when she chased after Saki and expressed a desire to remain friends.

On that note, with regard to Arisa and Kureno, the thing that stood out to Tohru was Arisa's heartache. She wanted to do whatever she could to soothe her friend's heartache, and that meant reuniting her with the man she'd fallen for.

It's also unclear whether Tohru knows Kureno's age, but even if she did, her own parents had a massive age gap, and she doesn't seem to be aware of the problematic power dynamic between them whatsoever. If anything, she seems to romanticize her parents' relationship.

Additionally, Tohru is basically the least judgmental person alive. I don't think she would have strong convictions about whether age gaps are "okay" even if her parents hadn't had a similar gap. Again, her primary concern would be whether her friend was happy, and if not, what she could do to make her friend happy.

In short, Tohru is not one to label things as "good" or "bad" and use those labels as a guide for her actions, but is more likely to try and understand people's motivations and work toward their happiness. This is central to her personality as an Enneagram SX 9w1/INFP.

And that last point is honestly the approach I think is most useful when it comes to critique and discussion of fiction. Rather than trying to delineate what's "good" or "bad," I find it much more meaningful to try and understand the creator's reason for depicting something a certain way, and how those creative choices support their overall creative vision (or don't).

So, with that in mind, I guess I'm going to start a series looking at the "why" behind the characters and relationships who are most often called "problematic," "bad," "abusive," or "not okay." Feel free to request topics!

[queenangst]

Fandom Trumps Hate 2024: My Hero Academia!

Bidding for @fandomtrumpshate 2024 opens this Tuesday, March 5th at 8am ET! There are 22 creators this year offering BNHA fanworks!

Fandom Trumps Hate is an online multi-fandom auction of fanworks, to benefit progressive nonprofits. For more information about FTH, check out their blog.

So, before bidding starts, here's a roundup of all the BNHA offerings this year! This is a summary and not comprehensive. To see the offerings in full, check out the BNHA fanworks tag.

Not interested in BNHA? No problem! There are plenty of other fandoms, and fan offerings. Check them out here.

Podfics

Potato_pods (AO3) - 10-20k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Dabihawks, open to a lot of pairings/themes.

Fanart

Domoz (Art blog) @domoz - Banner, Book cover, Comic, Drawing/painting/etc, minimum bid $5.

Fanfiction

Ace (AO3) - 20-50k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Angst, whump, emotional h/c, trauma exploration/recovery/bonding, mental health issues

Tierfal (AO3) - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: EndHawks and TodoBaku; EndHawks+Jeanist or TDBKDK. Lighthearted action-heavy stuff, also angst, AUs, or pretty much anything.

Blackat_t7t (AO3) - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: M/M or gen fic. Angst and h/c, canon divergent AUs. Anything focused on All Might or Deku.

Blindinglights (AO3) - Offering 2 BNHA works. 10-20k and 5-10k words. Especially interested in: KiriBaku, BakuDeku, ShinBaku, TodoBaku, KiriDeku, KiriKami, ShinKami, BakuKami, KiriBakuDeku, TodoBakuDeku, Todo/Deku, ShinBakuDeku, ShinKiriBaku, ShinBakuKami, and KiriTodoBakuDeku, SeroRoki. AUs (college, coffee shop/cafe, camboy/porn star, "and they were roommates", villain AUs, yakuza, vampires, etc; I love AUs!), enemies to lovers, break up/getting back together, friends to lovers, single parent/kidfic, omegaverse, dub-con, incest, angst (with a happy ending), online dating/blind dates, fake dating, pro heroes, mind break, canon, and age gaps.

Wander_wren (AO3) @wander-wren - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Izuku, Bakugou, Shinsou, Hawks, Dabi, Todoroki, Sero, and Kirishima; multiships. Trauma and trauma recovery, heavy angst with hurt/comfort. Canon or no-powers AUs, Omegaverse and BDSM AUs. Established relationships and platonic/found family-esque dynamics.

Roxi2star (AO3) - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Tododeku, Kiribaku, Shinkami, Dabihawks, TDBKDK

Achievingelysium (AO3) @queenangst - Hey, that's me! Less than 5k, minimum bid $10. Especially interested in: Whump, H/C, emotional, healing, coming-of-age and new adult. Found family, friendship, characters taking care of each other. Monster-of-the-week/mission-fics, epistolary, identity, canon divergence, future fic, ambiguous relationships, slice of life. Dadmight, platonic BKDK, Dekusquad, Class A girls, Class A.

Starburstsunshine (AO3) - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5.

Jane (AO3) - less than 5k words, minimum bid $10. Especially interested in: BakuTodo. Also any of Kirishima, Iida, Ochako & Deku; Kaminari, Jirou, Sero and Kirishima; Shinsou/Monoma; Momo/Kendou; Iida/Sero; Iida/Shouto, Natsuo/Hawks & Aizawa/All Might. Love all platonic dynamics.

One-fandom-became-all-fandoms (AO3) @one-fandom-became-all-fandoms - 1k words per $10 bid, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: (Romantic): BakuDeku, BakuTodo, TodoDeku, BakuTodoDeku, ShinKami, KiriKami, EraserMic, MomoJirou. (Platonic): Most other pairings. Gen/No pairings, poly-ships, non-hetero ships, BDSM, voyeurism/exhibitionism.

Quillifer (AO3) - Less than 5k, minimum bid $10. Mature and/or Explicit works. Non-traditional omegaverse and genderbending.

Luna_SelfIndulgentKitten (AO3) - Offering 2 BNHA works. 1k minimum for every $10, minimum bid $5.

Helix_Stomper (AO3) - 20-50k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: queer romance/ship fics, angst with a happy ending, misunderstandings, pining, idiots to lovers, genfic. Dadzawa with Quirkless/Vigilante Izuku. Most BNHA queer ships; Bakugou or Aizawa focused. Class 1A bonding, Pro Hero AUs, etc.

Yikesohdear (AO3) @livelikeheroes - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Character/relationship studies (including platonic relationships!), Canon-adjacent AUs, slice of life, angst and hurt/comfort

Ternary (AO3) @ternaryflower53 - Less than 5k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: queer, ace&aro, and disability themes. Trauma recovery and emotional hurt/comfort. Dadzawa adopting someone, Quirkless Midoriya and exploring quirk(less) discrimination in fic. Fave ships: Midoriya/Todoroki, Midoriya/Shinsou, or those three as an OT3.

FillyBoy (AO3) - Less than 5k words, minimum bid $5. Especially interested in: Dark tropes, SFW, NSFW, Fluff.

Juurensha (AO3) @juurensha - 5-10k words, minimum bid $5. Interesting and unique AU's, Romantic Comedy situations, rarepairs, side characters being fleshed out. Dabi/Hawks, Todoroki/Izuku, Shigaraki/Natsuo, Todofam without Endeavor, Rei/Inko, Shinsou/Iida

Lydia (AO3) - Less than 5k words, minimum bid $15. Especially interested in: Fantasy or College Alternate Universes, and tend to drift from established canon a lot. Found families and romantic relationships as well.

AzzaBynes @azzabynes - Fan poetry. Less than 5k words, minimum bid $10. Especially interested in: Symbolism, neurodivergence (particularly autism, ADHD, OCD, and touch aversion), coping mechanisms, in-universe politics, asexuality/aromanticism, worldbuilding, pairings with interesting narrative consequences (for example, Bakugo/Midoriya has more narrative consequences than Iida/Midoriya, but it's not a hard line), angst with a happy ending

DarkTenshi17 (AO3) - Offering 2 BNHA works. 5-10k, minimum bid $5.

[awaywithillusions]

pnw trans communist organizer + food service worker broke as hell

hello hi uh

my name is april & im 24 & a trans woman of indigenous descent & an organizer with my local DSA chapter currently campaigning for a minimum wage increase and other worker protections in my city. i had a brief period of unemployment while attempting to change jobs from fast-food to grocery or any other position that would pay better or better position me to be active in the labor movement. the job market in the south puget sound in the retail and food service sectors is really tight right now, and there are significant gaps in my resume from when i spent a year on state disability benefits to work on recovery and my mental health which make it more difficult for me to appear "competitive" for employers. my rent check for this month just went through and im left with less than $20 in my bank account. i was able to get my prior job back and will be starting soon but because of how the pay periods are scheduled i likely will not see a check until the end of the month. i have about half my EBT for the month left rn and will need help making sure i can pay my credit card and other bills & expenses while waiting for that check. very cool to be experiencing precisely the conditions of economic precarity and poverty wages we are trying to fight against!!

picrel it's me in my work shirt

if u or anyone is able to help me out a little, you can do it via:

v - @morbidsymptom

c - $morbidsymptom

or feel free to ask me about other platforms. thank u so much ❤️

[yurious-george]

please spill the sleepless domain opinions. ive only ever seen praise for it

DISCLAIMER: SD's story is simply not to my preference. No issues with that - normally I would just stop reading and move on - but I was on the official SD discord server during my formative years, and basically had to pretend to like Sleepless Domain to interact with the server at large. Pent up bitterness, thy name is hallowed.

That said, my god. The two main characters are insecure little bores with one of the most unimpressive lesbian relationships I've ever seen in fiction. They are So. Damn. *Samey.* They spend so much time reassuring each other and talking, so much that any conflict is brought up and resolved within pages. You can skip whole pages of dialogue and not miss a single thing of import!

On a similar note, all the other major characters have very similar flaws. They're all insecure and hate themselves in pretty, palatable ways. All of them are so afraid of hurting each other and reassuring each other, binging the comic is genuinely frustrating - I desperately wanted someone, anyone to have a different flaw besides "I'm insecure!" Just because it manifests in different ways does not mean they're different characters - they're the same characters with different set dressing.

None of these are bad characters, but they don't have a single interesting character dynamic to rub between them. Besides which, this connecting trait reveals an alarming reduction in what a good person is, compared to Kiwi Blitz - good people put others first, good people secretly aren't confident, good people hate themselves. In KB, Mary's earlier comic, the majority of characters are all trying to do the "right" thing, but have very different motivations and contexts around the concept, and here they're all... the same...

SD is most engaging when it follows Rue, an unregistered, confident magical girl with a lot of siblings. She's a conspiracy theorist, but she actively asks questions about and discusses her world - such as what's outside the barrier, how to study it, etc. Her confidence causes her to break things off with a very vulnerable character over a small lashing out, and was possibly the final snapping point in her depressive spiral. She's far more proactive than the mains in Figuring Out the World, and I would like SD a lot more if she had more focus!

Speaking of the world. I find the author. frustratingly liberal at times. As in, we've had very different experiences with mental health and Ms. Cagle's parents Probably Didn't Threaten To Send Her To A Ward Overseas For Being Suicidal :) Or torture her with an overdose of psychotropics to make her 'productive'. (you can read more about my experience here.) Opening up with loved ones has clearly been beneficial for her and that's awesome! Unfortunately some of us got tortured more for doing that. And her (so far) refusal to acknowledge that in her story is... such a massive gap in her worldbuilding?

So, despite setting up a system with a monetary benefit to torturing children, she refuses to actually depict a child being tortured by her parents into compliance with being a magical girl - the logical, ultimate conclusion of her capitalist system. All the parents are So Scared For Their Kids :( Ok, well - where's the parent who's scared of losing their meal ticket? Why Are You Setting These Things Up And Not Putting Your Whole Pussy Into It

The art and paneling are fantastic, and Ms. Cagle has some of the most clear action sequences in comics. Sleepless Domain is a great comic when it's not about the main characters.

Also the "teenagers" all talk like therapypilled 20somethings and it makes me nauseous

[mariacallous]

We are seeing a worrisome rise in mental distress among young people in the U.S., a trend that began in 2011. Various studies show that young people are now the country’s most unhappy demographic, with unprecedented increases in anxiety, depression, and suicide. In a recent ranking of happiness in countries around the world, American young people came in at 62, behind Bulgaria, Ecuador, and Honduras.  

What explains this rise? The usual sources of blame are all too familiar: smart phones, pandemic precautions, and declining church attendance, among others. In addition, political polarization, toxic debates, and misinformation increasingly influence our civic discourse and discourage the young from participating in civic life. There is also a stigma against admitting emotional problems—particularly for males—and a shortage of affordable mental-health treatments when people do.

Yet the root causes for this crisis run deeper. They include rising education costs, uncertain employment prospects and declining wages, particularly for those without a college degree, and the absence of a sense of community in many places. In a recent Brookings paper economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton found that the life expectancy for the college educated in 2021 was eight-and-a-half years longer than for the two-thirds of American adults without a bachelor’s degree—more than triple the gap in 1992. Most of the jobs available to those without a B.A. do not offer health insurance, part of the explanation for the mortality gap. These trends result in losses in human welfare and productive potential. They also exacerbate the uncertainty many young people feel about their futures.

While there is no magic bullet for this crisis, most suggested policies focus on better regulation of social media, programs that support civic engagement among youth, and better mental health care access. But an important and underreported part of the solution is restoring hope. The crisis stems in significant part from a lack of hope that often is fueled by a sense that higher education—and the economic and life expectancy benefits it brings—is beyond reach of many. My research finds strong linkages between hope and better long-term outcomes in education, health, and mental well-being, with hope more important to better outcomes of those with limited access to post-high school education and mentorship.

My recent research on populations and places vulnerable to misinformation, for example, finds that they share two linked challenges: the lack of opportunities for higher or vocational education and community-wide despair (and related deaths), with young people lacking a pathway to a better future particularly vulnerable. Solutions on the education front not only require reducing costs and increasing access to post-high school education opportunities but mentorship that supports young adults seeking more education to achieve their aspirations and suggest pathways to the kinds of employment opportunities that can give them better future lives.

Jose Santana’s story is telling. In early 2022 he was thinking about dropping out of his Bronx high school. He simply did not see a purpose in going to college. That changed the summer after he participated in Youthful Savings, a New York and Santa Monica-based program that educates low-income students in middle and high schools about economics and entrepreneurship, mental well-being, and ethical business. After completing the program, he started his own business, helping young entrepreneurs better organize and utilize web and graphic design tools. Jose earned his high school diploma this June and plans to major in business at Andrews University in Michigan.

While Jose believes the skills that he learned were valuable, what most influenced him was the mentorship he received from the program’s founder, Somya Munjal, who is a champion of educating youth about financial literacy. She shared with Jose her own struggles to pay for college and business school and how that led to what she does to support low-income youth get ahead.

On the surface, Youthful Savings may not look like a way of alleviating the mental health crisis that is plaguing American youth. Yet the program is part of a proliferating trend that has the potential to bolster young people’s mental well-being while fostering their immediate goals of acquiring more education. Somya’s ability to expand Youthful Savings was supported by Civic Wellbeing Partners, an initiative which facilitates opportunities for the young and supports well-being in low-income populations.

Somya grew up in Chicago, the child of Indian immigrants. From the time Somya was in high school, influenced by her parents’ struggles, she worked 40 hours every week. Given her strong performance in school, her parents dreamed of her attending Harvard but lost their savings during the 2001 recession. She attended Northern Illinois University, majoring in accounting. She was frustrated with her studies until she found her passion in a class about the role of education as a change agent. In Jose’s words: “Hearing Somya’s story … inspired me to continue and stay in higher education.”

Macomb Community College (MCC) outside Detroit provides another example of how to support young people in school and train them for meaningful work. The college pairs every incoming student with a mentor, which ensures that even those who need help or counseling but are reluctant to ask for it get ready assistance. Its university hub—founded in 1991—hosts several Michigan universities offering courses on its campus, providing students a more affordable route for gaining credits towards their degrees. Roughly 65% of transfer students from Macomb, many of whom remain on the home campus to get their degrees from the partner schools, complete a bachelor’s degree.

The hub—the first of its kind—has since been replicated by several other community colleges around the country, such as Lorain (Ohio) and Temple College (Austin). While some modalities have changed due to the increase of online learning, an important focus continues to be streamlining the pathway from associate to bachelor-degree completion to eliminate waste of time and money.

Macomb County, traditionally a political hotbed, has a population that is divided by three very different populations: retired autoworkers, a historically discriminated African American Community, and an influx of new immigrants. The Legacy Project at MCC invests in the civic engagement of these communities as a source of learning, credible information, and reasoned discussion. Jim Jacobs, president emeritus and legacy founder, noted that “the real value added of community colleges is how well they can convince young people that their aspirations for a better a life can be obtained within their communities. It is not only more education—but the belief they can use their skills.”

Communities—and their colleges—are an important source of support for low-income populations and their youth, providing mentorship and employment opportunities, among other things. They also play an important role in stemming the tide of loneliness that is linked to mental illness, as the data from the U.K.’s Campaign to End Loneliness shows.

Dunya Kilano, the daughter of immigrants from Iraq, came to Macomb as a child and later attended the college: “College wasn’t something that felt like a clear pathway for me. I was the first in my family to go. My parents supported me although … they would have been OK if I decided to take over their business instead.” Transferring to Oakland University while still taking courses at Macomb made a four-year degree more affordable. Her college experience laid the groundwork for her career with Face Addiction Now (FAN), a community organization that provides resources, education programs, and hope to those recovering from substance use disorder. “Education …[was] helpful but the connections I made are what led me to the work I do … An advisor suggested I take a social work class; I ended up becoming president of the Social Work Club and received a leadership award. Social work was my calling.”

Another example, focused on middle and high school youth, is the BeeWell initiative in schools and communities in the U.K.’s greater Manchester District. BeeWell introduces skills such as self-esteem, adaptability, and strategies to combat loneliness into school curriculums. It has yielded significant positive effects on both the mental well-being and academic performance of the students.

The combined emphasis on individuals and communities is key to the success of these initiatives. Macomb’s focus on civic engagement helps break down barriers separating the county’s diverse populations and enhances the chance that newly educated youth will live and work there. And communities are becoming a critical part of efforts to address the mental health crisis, as the traditional individual doctor-patient model is unable to keep up with the increasing demand for services.

Reversing the decline in youth mental health and addressing the uncertainties they face are daunting challenges. While we cannot immediately resolve them, providing youth with the skills they need to navigate them is an important step forward. By helping young people gain agency, skills, and connections through education—critical links to better outcomes—these efforts show that restoring hope and improving mental health is not just a pipe dream.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Stacey Coleen Lubag

Published: Jan 18, 2024

A recent study has found that the size of men’s social networks, particularly their close and extended friendship circles, is related to their mental health. The findings stem from research conducted over a span of four years — which found that men with fewer friends in these networks are more likely to experience higher levels of depressive symptoms, both in the present and in the future. The study was published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being.

Prior research has long suggested a link between social connections and mental health, but specific, long-term data focusing on adult men has been lacking. This study fills that gap by focusing on “social network investment” — a term that describes the time and resources individuals devote to building and maintaining social networks. Unlike social support, which deals with the quality of these interactions, social network investment emphasizes the structural aspects, such as the number of friends or the frequency of interaction.

Researchers at Deakin University in Australia aimed to explore the association between social network investment and mental health specifically in men. This demographic has historically reported fewer emotionally supportive connections compared to women, raising concerns about the potential impact on their mental health. Particularly in established adulthood, a life stage marked by significant transitions such as career choice and parenthood, understanding these social dynamics could be key to developing public health strategies aimed at improving men’s mental health.

The study utilized data from the Men and Parenting Pathways (MAPP) Study, involving 507 Australian men aged between 28 and 32 years at the beginning of the study. All men were recruited between 2015 and 2017 through community organizations, social media, and word of mouth.

The researchers collected data at five different points, analyzing the relationship between various aspects of social network investments — like time spent with friends, and the size of friendship networks. They also studied and collected data on mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, and stress. Then, they employed linear regression models with generalized estimating equations — a statistical method ideal for examining both immediate and long-term relationships in the data.

Men with fewer friends in both close and extended networks reported higher levels of depressive symptoms. This association was observed not just concurrently but also longitudinally — indicating that the size of these social networks could predict depressive symptoms a year later.

Engaging in activities like eating meals and physical activities with friends was associated with better mental health outcomes. “Men’s extended friendship network size and sharing a meal with friends were negatively associated with concurrent anxiety and stress,” the study reports. This highlights benefits of social interactions, where even simple activities like dining together can offer significant mental health advantages.

However, these benefits appeared to be immediate and did not have a long-term impact on reducing future mental health issues. In addition, the study found no significant link between social drinking activities and men’s mental health, either positively or negatively.

Despite its comprehensive approach, a notable aspect of the study is its potential for unmeasured factors that may have influenced the results — such as the quality of friendships or individual personality traits. The reliance on self-reported data could introduce biases, and the last two waves of data collection coincided with the COVID-19 pandemic, which might have affected social interactions. Furthermore, the study’s focus on an Australian cohort raises questions about the applicability of the findings to other cultural contexts.

“Our findings demonstrate certain facets of social network investment may play a more important role in men’s mental health than others, with a lack of close and extended friendship networks appearing to have a particularly detrimental influence on men’s depressive symptoms a year later,” the researchers concluded.

The study, “Social network investment of men: Cross-sectional and longitudinal associations with mental health problems”, was authored by Kayla Mansour, Christopher J. Greenwood, Lauren M. Francis, Imogene Smith, Craig A. Olsson, and Jacqui A. Macdonald.

--

Abstract

Internationally, there is growing attention on links between social isolation and mental health problems. Here, we use unique Australian longitudinal data to investigate associations between adult men's (n = 507; age M = 29.90, SD = 1.31) social network investments and their concurrent and subsequent mental health problems. In linear regressions, using generalised estimating equations (GEEs), we examined associations between social network investment (time with friends, network size and various activities with friends) and mental health symptoms (depression, anxiety and stress) across five timepoints. Models were adjusted for waves of outcome and potential confounders. Cross-sectionally, each social network investment variable, except for drinking with friends, was negatively associated with depressive symptoms. Men's extended friendship network size and sharing a meal with friends were negatively associated with concurrent anxiety and stress. Time spent and physical activity with friends was also negatively associated with concurrent stress. In longitudinal analyses, after adjusting for prior depressive symptoms, only the number of friends in close and extended networks remained protective against depressive symptoms 1 year later. Results did not differ by fatherhood or relationship status. Programs designed to strengthen men's investment in social networks are recommended to reduce men's depressive symptoms.

[..]

Discussion

In our study, across 5 years of data collection, on average 19% of men spent no time with friends, 5% reported having no close friends and 2.8% reported having no extended friendship networks. This low investment in social networks is consistent with reports of men's social connections in Australia and elsewhere (Arbers et al., 2014; Umberson et al., 2022) and was linked to poorer concurrent and subsequent depressive symptoms. Specifically, smaller close and extended friendship networks and less time spent with friends were associated with higher levels of concurrent depressive symptoms. When examined longitudinally, fewer friends in both close and extended networks remained a risk for depressive symptoms 1 year later. In analyses examining anxiety or stress symptoms, there were fewer cross-sectional, and no longitudinal associations were found with social network investment variables. When we examined the types of activities that men engaged in with friends, our study found that eating meals or being physically active with friends and helping friends with tasks were linked to a lower risk of concurrent but not future depressive symptoms. Drinking alcohol with friends was not associated with any concurrent or future risk for mental health problems. Our findings highlight the associations between social network investments and mental health risks and lend support to international pronouncements that poor social connections represent a public health concern (Holt-Lunstad, 2022).

A key finding from our study relates to the association between men's network size and depressive symptoms, which was evident both cross-sectionally and longitudinally. We extend on prior cross-sectional research (Juvonen et al., 2022; Milner et al., 2015), both by identifying mental health risks specifically in men and providing evidence for longitudinal impacts. Our adjustments for prior levels of mental health also extend upon previous longitudinal evidence (Bruine de Bruin et al., 2020; Milner et al., 2015), by demonstrating that the numbers of friends in men's close and extended social networks are linked to changes in their depressive symptoms over time. Notably, the apparent importance of network size coincided with a lack of longitudinal evidence for the effects of time spent with friends on men's mental health outcomes. It may be that even in the absence of in-person interactions (e.g. time spent with friends), larger social networks elicit a perception of others' availability that may be protective over time. Much like perceived social support, the mental representation of one's social network availability may be protective against depression through an individual's sense of security and belonging (Ioannou et al., 2019). The knowledge that social ties exist may provide reassurance of self-worth and value (Ioannou et al., 2019). They are also, at the very least, a pre-requisite for a sense of belonging, which has been posited to be a fundamental human need and deprivation, which places individuals at profound risk of emotional disturbances (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). There may be gender-based differences in preferences for social connection, with research suggesting men typically place importance on larger impersonal groups compared to women who focus more on small close groups (Baumeister, 1997). With approximately 3.8%–6.4% of men in our study indicating that they have no close friendship networks, there is a substantial mental health concern for these individuals. Given social connections are a key psychological need (Maslow & Lewis, 1987), this study presents evidence of the psychological ramifications for men when this need is not met.

Although time spent with friends was not related to men's depressive symptoms longitudinally, concurrent associations were evident. Although it is possible that time spent with one's social network at the moment may be beneficial in attenuating depression, an alternative explanation is that individuals with elevated depressive symptoms spend less time with friends in comparison to those with lower depressive symptoms. Depressive symptoms include a lack of energy and enjoyment, impacting the inclination to spend time with others. In past research, depression has been linked to negative appraisals of and less involvement in social interactions (Santini et al., 2020; Steger & Kashdan, 2009). However, directionality in the cross-sectional relationships cannot be ascertained.

When examining anxiety and stress, cross-sectional, negative associations were found with extended but not close network sizes. These findings align with past research showing weaker social ties (e.g. acquaintances and distant others) are important for a sense of connection and well-being (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014). Research suggests that when there is less pressure to develop a close social connection (as per weaker ties), individuals may feel more inclined to engage in conversation based on important topics (Small, 2013). In turn, this may play a key role in bridging access to information and support and in relieving feelings of stress or anxiety.

We also found that time spent with friends was concurrently linked to stress but not anxiety. Spending more time with friends may be particularly beneficial for minimising stress as it may act as a psychological distraction (Wolfers & Schneider, 2021). Given distractions have been found to assist in the regulation of emotions, spending time with friends may allow men to experience ‘down time’ from stressful thoughts and therefore minimise the activation of the amygdala temporarily (the brain structure that regulates stress hormones) (Shafir et al., 2015).

Of the activities examined, sharing a meal with friends had the strongest concurrent association with all three mental health symptoms. In line with this, commensality has been found to be negatively associated with depression and suicidal ideation in previous research (Jung et al., 2022; Son et al., 2020). Specifically, in both men and women (N = 14,125), a study found that those who ate fewer meals together had poorer mental health (Son et al., 2020). Another study found that this association between dining with friends and decreased depression was significantly stronger for men than women (Jung et al., 2022). Eating together with friends may function as a way to facilitate social bonding and improve overall well-being (Julier, 2013). Social scientists have posited that sharing a meal is a social institution and is fundamental to sociality (Danesi, 2014). The sharing of food is central to celebrations in most cultures and provides not only nutritional nourishment but also emotional nourishment (Danesi, 2014; Julier, 2013). People report feelings of comfort and gratitude when sharing a meal with friends which may buffer against symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress (Danesi, 2014).

We also found engaging in physical activity with friends was also linked to lower concurrent depressive and stress symptoms. Given that physical activity (whether it be alone or with a friend) has physical and mental benefits through the release of endorphins (Rebar et al., 2015), our findings may not be specifically tied to the social act but more so through the general benefits of physical activity. Further, the benefits of physical activity with friends may dissipate quickly (Murphy et al., 2019), possibly explaining why this relationship did not hold longitudinally. Relative effects of group and individual physical activity on mental health over time have been explored in a mixed-gender sample of middle and older aged adults whereby group activity was beneficial for mental well-being but was not associated with reduced mental distress (Harada et al., 2019). Further research examining this, as well as the potential for benefits over time, is warranted specifically in men at the ‘established adulthood’ life stage.

Helping friends with tasks was associated with lower concurrent depressive symptoms. This act is a key aspect of engaging in instrumental social support, which has been found to be particularly central to men's friendships and mental health (Fiori & Denckla, 2012). Men often prefer to engage in instrumental support as opposed to emotional support (Fiori & Denckla, 2012). Further, helping others is linked to reduced levels of depression through self-regulation (Doré et al., 2017). It may be that helping others increases feelings of altruism, which is also linked to happiness and well-being (Post, 2014). Acts of altruism and helping others can remove the focus from oneself and likely elicits positive feedback from others, promoting feelings of well-being and a reduction in depression (Post, 2014).

Our study found that social drinking was not associated with any type of mental health symptoms. However, we only asked if men did or did not drink with friends, not the quantity of alcohol consumption or alcohol misuse with friends. Excessive alcohol consumption has been previously linked to a range of negative psychological and social outcomes (Rehm, 2011). Some men may be engaging in avoidant coping mechanisms through drinking with friends which may influence the relationship between this type of social investment activity and mental health (Livingston et al., 2021). Additionally, other men may drink only at moderate levels socially and benefit from the relaxing effects of sharing alcohol, which may offset any association. Further examination of high and low social drinkers is warranted in future research.

The associations we investigated between social network investment and men's mental health did not differ depending on fatherhood status or relationship status. Dyadic commitments and parenthood are both normative experiences of ‘established adulthood’ that may reduce the capacity for investment in peer networks (Mehta et al., 2020). However, the influence of social network investment on mental health may not be limited to the men directly experiencing these milestones. Men who are not in a relationship or who do not become fathers during established adulthood are likely to experience major social network changes (specifically reduced access to some peers) as a result of their peers starting families or getting married (Mehta et al., 2020). In this way, most men may experience some loss or change in peer networks at this life stage, reducing the likelihood of detecting differences in associations between social network investments and mental health outcomes.

==

Shockingly, improving men's mental health and reducing suicidal ideation may be best achieved by them being around and socializing with other men, and not by screaming at them about their "toxic masculinity," their "privilege," how "men can cry," or the ooga-booga Scooby-Doo monster of "the patriarchy."

[chicguides]

CHICGUIDES

Goals For 2025

Fresh starts for the New Year. Being 2 weeks into January, if you are anything like me, goals have been postponed until February. However, I am here today to help you (and I) to gain some motivation and set goals for the new year.

Build a Workout Routine

Building a consistent workout routine is beneficial for both your physical and mental health. You surprisingly find how refresh you feel once you establish a workout routine. Better said than done, staying consistent with habits is not easy. Don't forget! Eating healthy is also apart of keeping yourself toned bod!

Daisy Keech - 10 Minute Defined Hourglass Abs

Madeleine Abeid - 20 MIN Full Body Pilates

Cami Sophia - Pilates Princess | hourglass ab workout

Harper’s BAZAAR - How To Workout Like A Victoria's Secret Angel Candice

Stick to a Good Skin Care Routine

Our skin is so sacred and sensitive. Controlling breakouts and giving food to your skin from the outside in strengthens your skin barrier. While also slowing down the aging process, keeping a good skincare routine protects your skin from the ever-changing environment and seasons. Not just your face, but making sure you are washing and moisturizing your body is equally important too! It’s trial and error for sure. Finding the right products that keep yourself skin in harmony with each other. Try not to cake your face with products, that would promote break outs. The less the better. Figuring out your skin type is key to this!

Diet is an important factor for keeping your skin clear and glowy. Juicing is a great way to achieve this; improving gut health and increasing energy levels.

Juicing Recipes:

green apple , celery , spinach , lemon, cucumber | glowy skin

pineapple , celery , lemon , ginger | even skin tone

Build Positive Social Habits

As someone who’s an introvert, this used to be very difficult for me also. However, this is someone for everyone, romantically for not. Rejection therapy is the best type of therapy when you want to get over anxieties and fears (from experience). Complimenting people, saying good morning to people as you pass them on the street, or even asking a stranger an opinion on a dress you are considering buying. Starting to build your social capabilities will be essential for your adult years.

Build deep, meaningful, fulfilling friendship! Again, easier said than done but this is so beneficial to your individual growth as well as to your emotional maturity. Building lasting relationships are so beneficial to the soul.

Reading

Having an extensive vocabulary is so chic and elegant when speaking and writing. Adapt that chicness through reading. Everyone knows the properties of reading, therefore I hope not to let you know about them now, or else I deeply worry for you. Kidding.

In any case, filling any gaps in your day with reading a book that you enjoy poses many benefits.

Experiment with Your Style

This year, allowing your wardrobe to refelct more of who you are presents you as more of a confident person. Aligning with how you feel, your outfit gives insight into your personality. Whether it’s with prints, graphics, or accessories, your clothes show who you are.

In the new year, you could also aim to buy fewer, higher-quality pieces. Quality or quantity. Look for unique pieces that aren’t mass-produced and that will last. Encourage thoughtful shopping, you’ll end up with a wardrobe that has more meaning.

Focus on Academics & Career

Knowing where you want to go academically and professionally helps eliminate indecision, allowing you to prioritize what matters most.When setting clear academic or career goals, you become more motivated because you can see the purpose behind your efforts. That sense of purpose helps keep you focused, especially when challenges arise.

As you succeed in your pursuits, you'll feel more empowered, not just in your academic or career life, but in other areas as well. Along with the relationships you build along the way, this can lead to career advancements, partnerships, or even lifelong friendships. Having a strong professional network can give you a competitive edge!

[celestie0]

what do you think about grad school and maybe getting a masters or phd? like for you😭 i’m curious what more do you feel about academia

hiii bb!! ouu yeah i think with the way things are in job market rn, at least for a science degree, having a masters is a MUST and phd too if you want to teach or go into research...just an undergraduate degree for any STEM job i have noticed doesn't suffice unless you're like a comp sci major or have hella connections or something lmfaooo (or if you're a trust fund baby)

i'm actually going to med school so my four years of undergrad were spent working towards that goal, and not really with thoughts of phd or masters, but i did think about doing a masters during my gap year (which would've been this past year) since my school offered a few one years masters programs that i was interested in. it was gonna be a sort of back up plan for me in case i didn't get in anywhere, but ultimately i just had faith in my application n didn't want to spend money on a year of masters tuition haha

but it's hard for me to say for other fields, such as humanities, on what i think of the necessities of masters/phd programs...i'd imagine it's the same though, you'd probably need to pursue a lot of higher education to be qualified to teach or publish etc. in premed, you've got options of going to nursing school, PA school, med school, so i guess there are ways to pivot that don't involve masters programs if you still wanted to be a healthcare provider

i did watch an interesting video recently about the whole trap of the phd/masters pipeline, where students get a degree and think they'll be able to land a decent job post grad from wishful thinking, spend lots of time unsuccessful in the job market, then scramble to apply to grad school, and then even if they feel as though the phd program they're in isn't really giving them what they want from it, they don't want to quit because at that point it'll feel like sunken cost, and it damages their mental health and motivation and is basically this recurring loop where the system forces students to continuously stay in school and do excessive amount of research/work for criminally low compensation, just to become overqualified candidates for barely minimally paying jobs. ofc all in the name to benefit the insanely rich and wealthy. honestly most grad students i meet are stressed and so incredibly jaded, i can't imagine that it's easy on them at all. a lot of universities hardly pay them any sort of livable wage for the work that they do

as for academia in general, i think it's worth it to become educated, as it can open doors. obviously there are different paths for all people, some people choose not to go to school, some people go to trade school, others go to school much later in life. i remember i worked w this one doctor who was a mechanic for thirty years and he went back to school to get his undergrad degree and then went to med school, all while he was in his 50s, and now he's a practicing physician! i thought that was really incredible and inspiring. school is something that's there for you whenever you want it, need it, or feel ready for it. i think it's worthy to invest in your education, but you have to go into it knowing that you're going to make the most of it. in that, pursue higher education if you have a plan of why you're there and what you're going to do when you're there, and not just for the sake of earning a degree or putting off working because you'd rather just stay a student. the reason why someone from harvard might work at the same job as someone who went to community college is ultimately because the person who went to CC might've made more of their experience n harnessed connections/skills n probably had a much more clear idea of what they wanted to do with the education they were earning compared to someone who might've been coasting through a reputable school because once they got in, that was all they cared about (lol i sound bitter saying this, no hate to big name schools, but it's such a common misconception that just because you get a degree from like an ivy league, you'll be set for life. and same applies vice versa. some of the smartest ppl i know are people who did CC for two years and then transferred to a four year university. they saved hella money and got the same degree in the end, with the same exact if not better job opportunities. similarly, i've worked at clinics/hospitals where some of the doctors went to UCLA and others went to caribbean med school, but they all ended up at the same place in the end)

GOD THIS BECAME SO LONG i swear whenever i answer asks on my computer it becomes an essay loool but yea these are just my general opinions about college, higher education, and academia in general? i hope this answers and that i didn't misinterpret the question hahah but thank u for the ask bb!!

[rederiswrites]

Hi, I've only recently started following you so apologies if you've talked about this before or I'm misinterpreting, but did you say in your recent health post that you have me/cfs and have actually improved past being bedbound? I ask because my partner has had me/cfs for over a decade and despite having very good doctor luck and trying out all sorts of community tips, the best we can seem to hope for is stabilization through extreme rest/inactivity; improvement sounds fairly extraordinary. If you have even a direction to point us to for options that'd be awesome, thank you!

Wow, okay. This feels like a big responsibility, in a way! But I really want to help any way I can.

First, my official diagnosis is fibromyalgia, but in a way, this is because that's the diagnosis I asked my doctor about, and nothing more scientific than that! I do also fit all the diagnostics for Chronic Fatigue, as do many with fibromyalgia. Increasingly, people are beginning to suspect that these and other syndromes are related, if not quite the same thing. In all cases, it's sort of a diagnosis of exclusion--that is, they can't find anything wrong with you mechanically. There's very little a doctor can "fix". My hip doesn't hurt right now because of injury. It's not injured.

Yes, I've had weeks and months when I could only be out of bed/recliner for a few minutes at a time, when standing up made me dizzy or created heart arrhythmias that were hugely uncomfortable and made me have coughing spells, tingling and numbness, etc. I had massive muscle weakness, crippling fatigue, constant headaches, constant pain that moved between "continuous physical and mental drain" and "totally debilitating; can't even think". This fluctuated for me, so for example my health is almost always terrible for some portion of the winter months of January, February, and March, and then eases up a bit for late spring.

Gonna create a break because there is no way to talk about this in quick soundbites without distorting things horribly.

I've done a lot of things over the years that would help a lot at first and then only a little over the longer span--removing gluten from my diet was the first big "breakthrough", and after my diagnosis I tried a couple of drugs. Duloxetene was miraculous in its effect, but I barely slept a couple of hours a night and finally had to give up when I started being just completely unhinged from fatigue. Gabapentin was great for the first few weeks, and now helps...some. It's hard to say exactly how much, because the only times I've gone off it have been because of gaps in medication coverage, which never lasted past the "wow going cold turkey is fucking terrible" period.

This past February, my best friend, who had been urging me to try the keto diet, bought me a (rather expensive!) bottle of BHB powder, which is a synthetic form of one of the ketone bodies your body produces for energy when you starve it of glucose (this is what ketosis is. You starve your body of glucose until it starts breaking down fat for energy creation). So I said, fine, I'll try keto for a month. I can do most anything for a month! I removed all carbs from my diet and started taking the BHB powder once or twice a day.

The results were huge and instant. Keto was a huge pain in the ass, because while there are still a lot of great things you can eat--nuts, eggs, meat, berries, pretty much any veggie that isn't a root crop--most of the things most of us eat daily rely partly or entirely on starch and grain. But I kept it up because I suddenly had far, far more energy and my pain and inflammation went way down.

I don't think keto is THE solution, though. I do think that trying it for a month is something a lot of people might benefit from, but I hate is as a lifelong diet. I am currently eating low carb, but considerably more fruit and root veggies than you can eat and still be in ketosis. But I was keto for eight months. What I think happened was that the keto diet lowered my inflammation levels a ton, which was why I tried it--the research that suggested it had this effect. Combine that with the BHB, which gave my body an energy source that bypassed whatever was wrong with my glucose metabolism processes, and I got a big leg up.

As with the other things I'd tried, the huge gains eventually leveled out. But they gave me two things--breathing room, and hope. You know, I think, how hard it is to have hope. You get so you're not sure you should even try! You think, maybe hope is causing me more pain. Maybe I should be focused on grieving and acceptance. But these moments in time, however brief, when my body functioned as it should and things were OK really drove home to me that somewhere in me, there was a body that was actually perfectly capable of normal function! If I can take a stupid little pill and suddenly be fine, even for a little bit, then there's a way!!

So I used that breathing room to dig deeper into the research. And eventually I encountered people who said that had recovered from these conditions. That they'd gotten better, and now functioned as normal, healthy people--even athletes. And of course I resisted that information, for reasons I probably don't have to explain to you. The doctors all say there's no cure. Hoping for a cure is exhausting. And if there's a cure--well, that comes loaded with a lot of anger! All this time wasted, all these doctors who couldn't do shit, all the suffering...what if it was avoidable?! It's a lot to work through.

But there were a lot of these stories, once I started finding them. Raelan Agle on Youtube is a pretty good place to start, and once you're there, you'll start seeing other people in the sidebar. And these people all used different paths to wellness, many of which sound absolutely ridiculous and woo woo at first! And yet here were a lot of people from all over, many of whom weren't selling anything, saying they got better.

But there were threads that were common to many of them. Diet was common, although which specific diet didn't seem to matter so much as cutting out junk and eating nutrient rich food. Exercise mattered but was rarely the first step. Medicines and supplements were almost never big players, even though everyone tries them. But mental changes were a huge thing for many if not most people. How they conceptualize and describe these changes varies a lot, but the themes of calming our sympathetic nervous system, addressing our fears, visualizing a life for ourselves where we're healthy, and most importantly believing that we can be that person, came up a lot.

I don't know what will work for other people. For me, diet was an early key, but I think learning to relax, convincing my nervous system that I'm really okay, and doing work on that has been the most lasting gain. And once I believed I could be better, it was easier to make a lot of the structural changes that we're already told will help--get a little movement in each day. Get some sunlight. Try to have a regular sleep schedule. Eat well. Stay hydrated. Once I knew that all these things might lead not just to "slightly less awful" but maybe something actually good, I was vastly more motivated to work on them.

I don't know if your partner can recover. But I know that people do. So as much as hope is painful, I suggest you keep looking, and I hope for the very best for you.

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

so I was expecting to see it pinned but I can't: could you summarize why you hate feminism? I feel like it's doing a lot of good but I'm wanting to see other perspectives better of that makes sense?

I really ought to have something pinned so I don't have to keep writing new responses, but I always find there are new angles that need expressing and I never feel I've written one specific post that addresses everything.

I was a feminist myself from the age of 13, when I read Marilyn French's novel The Woman's Room, and within another 5 or 6 years I'd gotten pretty radicalized and gone out and bought my own copy of Valerie Solanas' SCUM Manifesto, along with a bunch of Riot Grrrl records. I stayed in that echo chamber for quite a few years, but increasingly started noticing things that didn't - and couldn't - make sense and asking questions of the movement that no-one within it could answer, and as soon as I did, I was out of the cult. If you try doing that yourself, you'll find the same will happen to you.

I'm at a loss to know how to summarize in a brief and easy-to-digest way the way my life and thinking has developed since then, and what the most pertinent points to relay should be.

Basically, what I'd most noticed was the disconnect between what the feminist movement claims to be and what it actually is. The more involved in feminism any person becomes, the more callous, hateful and contemptuous towards men they will become. If Feminism WAS just a movement that seeks to treat men and women equally, as it publicly claims, then it wouldn't make any sense that that should be the entirely predictable outcome every time: you'd expect the most radical feminist to be the most loving and fairminded towards every man she encounters, instead of gleefully calling for his genocide.

On top of that, the bedrock claims of feminism the past 50 years or more - Patriarchy, rape culture, pay gap, glass ceiling, etc. - are all revealed to be self-evidently false if you scrutinize them with any rigor at all. To be a feminist today you have to believe all human civilization is a conspiracy invented by men to benefit all men through the oppression and exploitation of all women, the world over. But no man knows anything about this conspiracy, which occurred in every disconnected and uncontacted corner of the globe, without a single exception, and there is no evidence or even attempt to theorize how and where this conspiracy is supposed to have taken place (the only attempt I've even heard any feminist trying is Riane Eisler's fanciful and thoroughly discredited theory of "matrifocal" cultures existing at some point in Ancient Greece, that run contrary to everything we know of the past from all historical records and archeology, as well as the rest of the world at that time).

What feminists call "The Patriarchy" is, in reality, the gendered division of labor that we (and other mammals) evolved over millions of years to best survive in a hostile natural world. To frame nature itself as an evil and oppressive human conspiracy is utterly insane and enormously destructive to millions of people's mental health and ability to connect to others.

Feminism has done, and continues to do, massive harm to relations between the sexes, because by framing every second human being on planet earth as The Oppressor, and the other half of the human race as innately abused and perpetually bedraggled Victims, it makes love between the sexes impossible, if taken at all seriously.

It's important to make the differentiation between Feminism (a far-left political ideology) and Women (half of the human race): feminism does not speak on behalf of the majority of women, and never has (the last I heard, only around 10-15% of women identify as such, depending on where you ask). You can support equal rights and opportunities for all without lending your support to the idiotic ideas of class/gender war mostly borrowed from Marxist theories, which is what most of feminism from the second wave onwards has been based on. Although I tend to avoid labels myself, many people today feel much more comfortable identifying as egalitarians rather than feminists, because it removes the century of hateful sexist baggage that word brings with it.

This is already getting quite long, so I guess I'll leave it there, but I'm happy to expand on any specific aspect of feminist belief you may want more detail on. It's easier to get into the nuts and bolts when the topic is not so broad.