#menopausal cat boy

[soup-future]

figuring out hob :)

[stesierra]

@blind-the-winds came up with a game idea!

Rules: Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.

Tagging @avrablake @owlsandwich and @space-writes and else who wants to play!

[theobsessiveloser18]

Time line of Y/n and Johnny (older)

• They met thanks to your niece and her recent interest in karate, she wanted to enter that Cobra Kai dojo no matter what, you had heard interesting comments about that dojo, you weren't really sure she was going there, so your disinterested sister gave you the situation.

“Y/n accompanies you to that dojo, she decides whether you sign up or not.

"She is super unfair mom, the woman was born with a very sensitive soul, any blow will be classified as ultraviolence 'not appropriate for a minor' guess what, karate is beating"

"It's not my problem, what she decides, period" -she said dryly as she continued working on the computer-

"At times like this, I would thank heavens if you let 'my responsible mom' make the decisions as if she were a mom."

"If you want her to decide, it's because you're going to do something crazy, I'm not going to let you become a psychopath."

"I am not going to do it"

"Sure?" you raised your eyebrows

"whatever" she rolled her eyes.

• She tried to convince you by all means not to accompany her, she knew that if the sensei saw that she needed the approval of her "older sister-mom-best friend-cousin" aunt to make a decision, he would not consider her badass enough to train, however, the more she insisted, the more you reaffirmed your decision to go see what the hell was going on in that place.

•It was a good impression, the first thing you saw when you entered was a boy whose leg was being bent by another boy, they were both wearing "pyjamas", number one reason to run away, you stopped, you were going to do this for your girl

• So you met the sensei and explained the situation, the man almost threw you out of his dojo when you told him that the parents considered it a "questionable place" and you almost had a heart attack when you smelled alcohol in it,

second reason to flee a "flown alcoholic taught minors and didn't want parents to see his lessons" a really questionable guy

•Actually, the situation was hilarious, he had no problem calling you "the typical maiden maiden who gets nervous and ends up babysitting cats" in front of a group of teenagers unable to contain their laughter, your niece almost cursed out loud when you lost your temper and called him a "menopausal extremist".

•He hadn't liked you until that moment, but the last thing you said improved the situation, the nickname was so ridiculous that he almost fell to the ground laughing, all the students were surprised to see their sensei abandoning his seriousness, that was the straw that broke the camel's back for you, you almost hung up on him, but a student (Miguel) took him aside and convinced him to let you be there, just to see if your niece could be a "worthy cobra" "

•The man agreed, your niece turned out to be extremely talented for that, and you were extremely able to help him with his poor vocabulary, as if he said a word and you had to help him with another more sophisticated word, or rather, normally that would have bothered him, but the way you apologized and tried unsuccessfully to prevent it from happening again amused him.

•You weren't at all sure of his teaching methods, too abrupt and rushed and I could swear that they were even illegal

"Do you like what you have seen, ma'am?" asked a tall girl who you thought she heard was called Aisha.

"Not much" you answered with impressive coldness and confidence "but it's because it's not my style, I'm sure if you ask my niece she'll tell you that the most exciting thing there can be"

"I understand your doubts about the sensei and his teachings, I had them too, but they are very helpful thanks to them we have confidence and respect for ourselves, the world is not going to give us just that"

"I would also feel confident if I knew that I could make someone's life impossible or even end with the slightest provocation" the girl swallowed dryly, she didn't know how to convince you, you seemed too mature and firm in your thoughts to let yourself be convinced by one 17 year old girl ”May I ask you something, how many of the guys here have drastically changed their personality since they started training?”

"Well.."

"Definitely Hawk, before he was a shy baby who couldn't even talk, but now anyone who messes with him ends up in the hospital, if he's lucky" the girl scolded the boy, you said "our father" and looked at the clock, there was still a long time before the end of the class and all you wanted was to take your daughter forever to that place

"Robbinson and Johnson, who said it was time to rest, 30 push-ups and join your mates" the children walked away and the man interrupted your thoughts "can I offer you a beer"

"no thank you... I am fine"

"Let me know if I can help you with anything" if you definitely didn't want to come back here ever again

•Definitely he likes you before finishing his class, you were nosy and neurotic, but you were nice to his students, too smart and You had no problem in telling that he was a good teacher, Despite his 'somewhat illegal' methods,his students respected and obeyed him, they were really good and disciplined, and they seemed to get along quite well, it definitely said something about the man who trained. you earned their respect And told you that you were 'naturally hot' As if I returned a compliment,The situation became a bit awkward for a few seconds.

•He said that your niece had a talent for this, and he could help her be the best and go far, you hated him like no one else, those words were the ones she needed to get her obsessed with Karate, you promised to think about it, and he commented that He was hoping to see you again for the children a fairly direct flirt towards you, and that was the intention, but you didn't realize it.

• Everyone was very excited when you came back to make the first payment, since you were there, he convinced you to stay for the rest of the class, you were quite surprised by the change, but the guys insisted so much that you accepted.

•Sometimes you would bring things to your niece that she had forgotten, like "water, a towel, the money to go back home, and sometimes even the gi" Johnny scolded her for that, but she didn't miss the opportunity to invite you to see the class, you agreed without much request, it was a nice atmosphere.

• You would find him around, and he would start to flirt with you (he also did it when you stayed to watch your classes) when you realized it, you told him that it wasn't very professional for the sensei to go out with the parents of his students, surprise! the guy didn't care in the least about professionalism or what it might mean.

•He give you a purple leather jacket with the Cobra Kai logo, and you almost kissed him on the cheek for that, but you hugged him and believe me the guy couldn't be happier

•You guys have nice conversations all the time, you get along pretty well, you can complain about life together and even criticize people, you give him advice to get closer to Robby and it has worked for him most of the time.

•You met tommy and all the old cobras, they liked each other

•Everyone loves spending time at your house, even when you haven't invited them

"Until you finally arrive y/n, you were getting late" is the affectionate greeting from your niece

"Hello my little children" you kiss her head "They had me working as a Jew, are there problems?"

"Not at all"

"Great I'm too tired to deal with them" you enter the room and you find the children of the dojo scattered around, they greet you very affectionately

"I'm very happy to see you children, but if you'll excuse me I need the chair" those who were sitting there get up and you will laugh in it with very little elegance.

“Everyone on y/n” yells one of them, they all pounce on you like there's no tomorrow, you laugh a little, and the kids take off

"Wow when I thought you couldn't be sexier, I see you in a boring suit" Says a voice quite familiar to you, the children laugh, you squeeze a cushion and rock a little in the chair

“¿Remember To the sensei ,Mom?” your nephew asked Joining at thur

“Better than Would like. Uncomplimented in front of the children, I am ashamed to blush if they are here"

"I told them that deep down I was crazy about me"

"Keep dreaming sir, big sister why is this 'Viejo verde' at home?"

"Invite everyone home, you would have felt sad if you hadn't, little sister."

"He's like 70, he wouldn't feel bad about that nonsense"

"You know I really feel bad, they promised me good beer, wait a minute, what did you call me?" you burst out laughing

“It took him half an hour to realize it”

“Miguel that sounded like Spanish, what is a type of disease?”

"I would say it's more like an insult to some, did you insult sensei?"

“Tomalo como quieras Miguel”

“well, I might as well give a compliment”

"And then I'm the one who doesn't stop flirting with you" you laughed again, and you felt that the annoyance for that day's work lessened a bit, everyone smiled at you.

"Well sensei, it seems you know how to treat my sister, we're in the dining room, just in case" the children had that habit of leaving them alone sometimes you wondered what they hope to achieve with that, you sat down and stretched out on the couch, Johnny sat next to you.

"Tell me, does someone other than me flirt with you insistently?" you looked at him funny

"not actually"

"You're tired because you're on those days when..." you got a little offended

"No, they just didn't approve my project to eliminate male testosterone and you know I'm a little angry" the man was quite confused

"Don't worry, I'm sure that by tomorrow everyone will be in favor of him"

"I'm kidding, that's biologically impossible, plus it would be an unconstitutional act of a feminist from the Libertarian Party. Do you think that's what I am?

"is good or bad?" You sighed again tiredly "a problem arose in the presentation of an exhibition and I had to take charge of correcting it, while a lot of backward menopausals hurried me, I swear they were about to call their mothers bitches

“It would have been too badass of you”

"If surely he had fallen into a coma from so much adrenaline." They both laughed a little, after several seconds of silence he told you

"The bosses are a mountain of shit"

"I prefer to call them 'children of false' but yes, they can be"

"It is better to be one of them, nobody can treat you badly"

"Yes, but you would lose your soul and after 48 years of work an incompetent will take your place to destroy in 5 months everything you did, and you will die of cardiac arrest when you see that"

“I mean, there isn't a good option”

"That's right, either you risk it or you risk it, I don't even know why I'm complaining, I'm going to suffer the same thing tomorrow and the other days of my life, because I don't have enough firmness or character to be a boss, there isn't much you can do in the world without creativity, talent or leadership”

"I'm not good at consoling, but I think you have everything you need to be the best boss the world has ever walked on, and when that happens I hope I'll be around to tell you 'I told you, you came into the world to be great' ” he rocked you by the shoulders to cheer you up and he was quite surprised when you rested your head on his shoulder, he stroked your hair

"Y/n sensei we are having an afternoon at home, you better come with us" her niece returned to warn them and she really tried not to show emotions with what she was seeing, but inside she is jumping

“Here we go kid” answered Johnny. They had a very active afternoon, you ended up falling asleep on Johnny's chest at the end of a movie.

“Shall we help him leave her in the room? the boys asked

"Don't worry, I'm pretty good with this" she told them sincerely, they were surprised but laughed.

"Don't take advantage sensei"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't do it" He encircle you with both hands in a hug, you snuggle more into his chest, Johnny felt at home, after a while you felt him kiss your forehead, and for the first time you felt lucky to receive Johnny's flirtations.

•Being the only parent that time in the dojo guys i already considered you part of and according to you and johnny they act how a couple elderly marriage

“listen to me child, your sensei and me We act like any In this world less like a Marriage”

“You scold him for everything"

“I do it with everyone”

"He flirts with you stress you out”

“Not lately y/n”The blonde intervened

“Could you stay out of this"

“You see they even discuss how a marriage”

“like a marriage that is about to Divorce" You rebutted

“It is still a marriage”it was fun See how a teenager of 16 achieved of Irritate

“We seem more like enemies than anything"

“What do you think modern marriages are like?intervened Another student Johnny almost laughs when he sees your surprised face.

“Well you have to admit what is right” And taking advantage if what were you with Guard came down he place your In Shoulders

“I told you not to get into this."you exclaimed frustrated

•at this point everyone was waiting for them to confirm that they were a couple, they weren't and no one understood why

"So how long are you going to have sensei sweating for you? he's going to end up getting bored."

"Let her get bored, I'm not interested in going out with him"

"you lie"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're too stubborn to admit it, I know you like him, otherwise you wouldn't be as comfortable with him."

"He is 22 years older than me, if I go out with him I have father problems and I don't have father problems"

"Of course you have daddy issues, grandpa died when you were 16, let it be"

"It doesn't matter how old he is, if he's hot, he's hot" commented one of his work friends.

"If that's what you think, stay with him" you replied.

"If you don't want to go out with him, I could do it for you," a colleague butted in.

"Whatever" you rolled your eyes with maximum irritation building on you.

•When you told him that accounting would make the dojo easier to run and the parents would have no reason to complain about him, you immediately became his secretary, win-win (you got extra money at the end of the month, the kids loved having you there and Johnny could flirt with you more often, sometimes he bored you, but most of the time his wit amused you)

•Thanks to you, there was money left over at the end of the month, and they could go to a pizzeria or rent a movie, if you rented a movie, Johnny would accompany you to choose it, if you offered to bring the pizza to the table, Johnny would help you, you could be sweeping and he would still be with you, if any of the kids messed up, Johnny made them do 300 push-ups, they learned to stay out of it.

• He is aware of your work, he does not want you to stay up late for things in the dojo.

"You've worked long enough on this, time to go home, okay?"

"I want to finish this at once, I don't take work home with me"

"You shouldn't have to-"

"That's why I want to end it"

"Okay... let me help you"

"It's my job, not yours"

"I remind you that it should be my job, but I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to do anything"

"not an idiot"

"then let me try it"

You sigh tiredly, you massage your neck "well, there..." you had to remind him several times how to do the job, but you were quite patient with him, he appreciated you for it, he was a lot of fun with you making your work more bearable, you definitely adored him for it.

• They had a problem, you didn't call him by his name, just titles "Mr Lawrence" "Sensei Johnny Lawrence" "Boss" as much as he insisted, you wouldn't call him by his name, but after spending so much time with him, one day you ended up doing it unconsciously in front of the children,

“Why is everyone looking at me like that?”

"You called sensei by his name" Aisha replied, swallowing a piece of food.

“and” You pretended not to know what it means.

"You never call him by his name," Miguel reminded you.

"so"

"Why didn't they tell us they were dating?" you coughed until you couldn't

"Was it necessary for them to say it? I could say that even the organizers of All Valley know it"

"We're not dating Hawk" you said trying to keep your composure, you looked at Johnny looking for his support, but he had one of those bright smiles on his face, it was a battle you were fighting alone.

"That's why you don't expect adults to confirm things for you, Bert," Tory explained with that smug air you would have supported on other occasions, but you knew where she was leading, "if they don't 'cunningly avoid your questions' they'll respond with as much 'surprise or innocence' as their character allows."

"Tory nichols" you yelled to everyone's effusive praise

"Oh come on sis, you know she's right" your cheeky niece and the blonde girl high-fived.

"I'm not your sister, I'm your aunt and you know more than anyone that she's right"

"Just correct the term 'sister' for 'auntie', when she's irritated, we obviously caught her red-handed."

"Would you like to help me?" you claimed your entertaining “boyfriend”, he cleared her throat

"Enough kids, don't bother y/n with this, because she's not my girlfriend yet" You looked at him with the greatest disbelief in the world "However in 2 months you can bother her again" the kids went crazy over the situation, you almost killed him, you held back and they had a fun "Discussion"

•Your niece took the situation too far on one occasion, your mom was visiting home and the 'Adorable girl' mentioned casually that you had a boyfriend the age of her grandfather, your mom wouldn't have believed her if your hilarious facial expression hadn't appeared, she almost fainted from shock, you justified yourself by saying that you didn't expect the girl to say that, and that's the end of the topic obviously someone received a worthy punishment (Without Wattpad for 19 days, the girl almost dies, but got the message)

•Going back to Johnny, if after 4 in the afternoon you're still in the dojo, he gets you food, of any kind, but always the best, he also invites you to dinner frequently, sometimes you accept, for you it's better that he invites you when you're in the dojo, you're always in pants, never in skirts or dresses, so it doesn't feel like a formal date, but if he invites you when you're not in the dojo, it's a problem for you

"God!! Why does he invite me over when I'm outside the dojo?!!!”

"y/n that he invites you when you're in your comfort zone doesn't mean he doesn't want a date, for him it could be, but he knows you wouldn't accept, so he'll disguise the situation" you sat on the bed, trying to process the information

"Should I start questioning my life?"

“This dress is pretty”

"I'm not going to wear a dress"

"I've told you 10,000 times and/or a dress is not synonymous with a date"

"Not necessarily, but it gives a formal touch that I don't want to pass on"

"You should listen to your sister y/n" the fact that your friend was home right when she called didn't help anything "what if he's wearing a suit?"

"Don't worry, he doesn't wear suits, and if he did, he wouldn't be able to feel comfortable wearing a 'Sets a Romantic Mood' dress that my sweater and pants can control." You showed the girls the outfit you were planning to wear.

“Actually it looks good”

"bright"

"But the romantic atmosphere is created by the person, not the clothes" You meditated on his words for a few seconds, a nervous smile appeared on your face.

"You're right"

•You were glad to see that you knew Johnny well, he didn't wear a suit, they went to a nice place, they had a great time as always, it seemed like a normal outing, it stopped being when I took your hand in the street, you could swear you turned pale , but "serenity above all" you mentalized it to be able to act normal, and it worked... at least for a while

•Johnny hadn't brought his car and they didn't take a taxi back, walking was fine for both of us, especially for him, he never let go of your hand, it was something new for you, you tried to relax, since you met your life has been full of new things and deep down you loved it.

So you got carried away in the emotion of the moment and did something crazy "really crazy" you kissed him

• It was impossible to know which of the two was more surprised, they continued walking as if nothing had happened, still holding hands, in silence, each one in his own thoughts, it felt comforting.

•They arrived at your house, you were saying goodbye and he surprised you with a kiss, as if he were returning the one you gave him a while ago, a "goodnight kiss" but unlike yours this was "a bit passionate" You had to Lean against the door so you don't lose your balance while he clung to your waist.

•You were sure that not even a tomato could have competed with the blush on your cheeks, you took a deep breath already at home and smiled as if there were no tomorrow, you didn't have time to assimilate what had just happened

"Hey sis, how about your 'no date'?

"You're going to have to calm down because you won't tell anyone right now and you can't yell until 8 am."

"oh god" he almost passed out

•Well, after that night you stayed away from everyone, even the blonde, pretending that none of 'it' had happened, the fact that you were loaded with work from the company and that Johnny didn't have a phone made it more difficult for you. easy

"Y/n not coming?" I ask your 'sister'

“The company filled your room with documents, didn't you tell them? Right, he doesn't have a phone. How was I going to notify him? He raised his eyebrows quite surprised, he knew very well that she was a problematic teenager but so far he hadn't messed with the “well, he could have called her… I forgot, she doesn't have her number”. He's not as good at flirting as he thought, is he, sensei?

“450 push ups right now”

"Yes, sensei" she answered with a military tone and ran to obey the order.

"He had never given someone so much exercise" commented Miguel, quite surprised and curious to know that he had done his niece to earn such a punishment.

“Trust me friend, it was worth it”

• You had to go back to the dojo at the end of the week and curiously the children didn't go that day, it was just you and the sensei, nobody told you, you already knew what to expect.

•You and Johnny became lovers, telling the children was easy but uncomfortable for you, it's not every day a 28-year-old 'secretary' becomes the girlfriend of a guy Johnny's age, well actually yes, but You didn't expect what would happen to you, you weren't complaining, but at the same time it was like: Wow

• Your girl happier about your relationship than you are (and that's too much)

“I always knew that they would end up dating, they are for each other” She told you weeks after they became boyfriends"

“That phrase is so cheesy that it makes me wonder if it really exists"

"Don't be boring y/n""One way or the other"

"But I'm really happy for you guys, it's like I've finally reached the happiest moment of my life" You knew the sincerity of his words, but the sentimentality with which he expressed it made you ignore that, you rolled your eyes.

"Don't be dramatic"

“I'm not being , look, Sensei is like the dad I always wanted to have funny, rude, sarcastic but you know he really cares about you, and you are my perfect mom. I have a mom and a dad."You felt so guilty for doubting his words, when she started crying, They hugged and cried for a while.

“I love you so much honey, but you better not get too excited, we don't know how long this will last"

"Believe me I have a good feeling"

•There weren't many changes between you, just that you spent more time together, and there were kisses and hugs, that kind of romantic nonsense that even if you were in love (as you were with him) you would damn your whole life, it was a matter of adapting and you never did. you would

• Johnny is very disciplined with his work, but if you are accompanying him that day, he will definitely find a way to be with you for a while.

"I thought a cobra never lets emotions rule it"

"Forget those stupid slogans for a while will you?" and continue that interesting kissing section you interrupted, you have to be really firm to get it to work again.

• He tries to convince you all the time to stay at his house, you have your life organized, spending the night at his house would upset that order, unless your niece and her parents are away, you will not spend the night there.

•Speaking of family, none of them know about you (apart from your niece), your friends, co-workers, the karate kids, and even your niece's friends outside the dojo know, your sister and her husband outside the dojo. the teasing, and gossip that they can do, they couldn't care less, with your mother the matter is different, although they love each other very much and are quite close, I could never understand why you are dating someone so close to your father's age, you don't know how to explain it but you are sure of something: you are not looking for a father figure in Johnny, you could never see him as such you love him romantically and it is something strange to admit

•You were very supportive of Johnny when he went through the whole thing with Kreese staying with Cobra Kai, and you were extremely happy when he found another way to continue with karate and the boys, that was your boyfriend, he did not sit idly by

"So it will be an eagle's fang"

"how about?"

"It's a good name, although I'm pretty sure eagles don't have fangs."

"You're too realistic to be alive, but thanks for the support babe"

"Whenever you want"

"You know" you told the children one day when they were training in the park "I think it might even be better that we lost the dojo, they can connect better with outdoor karate"

"We are not miyagi do y/n" Bert snapped annoyed

"Hey!! friend in my defense I don't know Miyagi do, so everything I say comes clearly from my personality "

"You should deal with Mr. Larruso's hippie then"

"Push-ups now, big mouth!" Johnny yelled scaring them all

"Damn"

"And you will stop when I tell you to" Johnny approached you

"Don't you think that's too much?" you asked him

"Of course not t/n that this

idiot thinks before spouting stupid things, my son training with larusso, and now my girlfriend working for him, that sid will sponsor them for all valley" the children laughed when they saw him so sensitive for you

"What about workplace etiquette, Mr. Lawrence?"

"They are not allowed, sorry miss y/n"

"I like that we have that clear part, sensei" You gave her a quick look, and you noticed a kind of shine in her blue eyes, she smiled at you out of confidence, you cursed mentally, today you were going to sleep late.

•You got an eagle fang jacket it was even cooler than johnny's

"so that you throw away the one from cobra kai"

"Are you kidding!!!!? that never"

"You can't use it y/n"

"why not?"

“it has the cobra kai logo, we are no longer cobra kai”

You made a real drama

“This looks more badass babe”

"I know but the other one is purple, I love purple"

"Red is menacing"

"I don't care I'm not throwing away the jacket I'll use it even if it's at home" he sighed

“fine”

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" you ran to hug him and he carried you "I also really like the new jacket, I promise I'll wear it when I go to see them come in"

"I can see you in it love" he gave you a little kiss

•Shortly after this you met the 'famous Daniel Larruso', you understood why he disliked Johnny so much, when he found out that you were the blonde's girlfriend he was shocked as if it were your mother, Johnny and he almost got into a fight, Amanda and Carmen they had to separate, you were too amused with the situation.

•By the way, stay the night at johnny's house It can be a real problem, he doesn't want to let you go to work the day,he has already planned thousands of activities For you two (all fun, but nothing useful for you) Hasn't come to get you to give in But he It states that soon he will.

•Your niece is in most of his plans, and Johnny doesn't mind, she's like another daughter to him, they watch movies in both houses, they go to the movies, to the supermarket, the zoo, and to dinner.

• Yours "will never die"

[rockislandadultreads]

Read-Alike Friday: Bitch by Lucy Cooke

Bitch by Lucy Cooke

Studying zoology made Lucy Cooke feel like a sad freak. Not because she loved spiders or would root around in animal feces: all her friends shared the same curious kinks. The problem was her sex. Being female meant she was, by nature, a loser.

Since Charles Darwin, evolutionary biologists have been convinced that the males of the animal kingdom are the interesting ones - dominating and promiscuous, while females are dull, passive, and devoted.

In Bitch, Cooke tells a new story. Whether investigating same-sex female albatross couples that raise chicks, murderous mother meerkats, or the titanic battle of the sexes waged by ducks, Cooke shows us a new evolutionary biology, one where females can be as dynamic as any male. This isn‘t your grandfather’s evolutionary biology. It’s more inclusive, truer to life, and, simply, more fun.

Eve by Cat Bohannon

How did the female body drive 200 million years of human evolution

Why do women live longer than men?

Why are women more likely to get Alzheimer’s?

Why do girls score better at every academic subject than boys until puberty, when suddenly their scores plummet?

Is sexism useful for evolution?

And why, seriously why, do women have to sweat through our sheets every night when we hit menopause?

These questions are producing some truly exciting science – and in Eve, with boundless curiosity and sharp wit, Cat Bohannon covers the past 200 million years to explain the specific science behind the development of the female sex: “We need a kind of user's manual for the female mammal. A no-nonsense, hard-hitting, seriously researched (but readable) account of what we are. How female bodies evolved, how they work, what it really means to biologically be a woman. Something that would rewrite the story of womanhood. This book is that story. We have to put the female body in the picture. If we don't, it's not just feminism that's compromised. Modern medicine, neurobiology, paleoanthropology, even evolutionary biology all take a hit when we ignore the fact that half of us have breasts. So it's time we talk about breasts. Breasts, and blood, and fat, and vaginas, and wombs—all of it. How they came to be and how we live with them now, no matter how weird or hilarious the truth is.”

Eve is not only a sweeping revision of human history, it’s an urgent and necessary corrective for a world that has focused primarily on the male body for far too long. Picking up where Sapiens left off, Eve will completely change what you think you know about evolution and why Homo sapiens has become such a successful and dominant species.

The Exceptions by Kate Zernike

In 1963, a female student was attending a lecture given by Nobel Prize winner James Watson, then tenured at Harvard. At nineteen, she was struggling to define her future. She had given herself just ten years to fulfill her professional ambitions before starting the family she was expected to have. For women at that time, a future on the usual path of academic science was unimaginable—but during that lecture, young Nancy Hopkins fell in love with the promise of genetics. Confidently believing science to be a pure meritocracy, she embarked on a career.

In 1999, Hopkins, now a noted molecular geneticist and cancer researcher at MIT, divorced and childless, found herself underpaid and denied the credit and resources given to men of lesser rank. Galvanized by the flagrant favoritism, Hopkins led a group of sixteen women on the faculty in a campaign that prompted MIT to make the historic admission that it had long discriminated against its female scientists. The sixteen women were a formidable group: their work has advanced our understanding of everything from cancer to geology, from fossil fuels to the inner workings of the human brain. And their work to highlight what they called “21st-century discrimination”—a subtle, stubborn, often unconscious bias—set off a national reckoning with the pervasive sexism in science.

Brave the Wild River by Melissa L. Sevigny

In the summer of 1938, botanists Elzada Clover and Lois Jotter set off down the Colorado River, accompanied by an ambitious expedition leader and three amateur boatmen. With its churning rapids, sheer cliffs, and boat-shattering boulders, the Colorado was famed as the most dangerous river in the world. But for Clover and Jotter, it held a tantalizing appeal: no one had surveyed the Grand Canyon’s plants, and they were determined to be the first.

Through the vibrant letters and diaries of the two women, science journalist Melissa L. Sevigny traces their forty-three-day journey, during which they ran rapids, chased a runaway boat, and turned their harshest critic into an ally. Their story is a spellbinding adventure of two women who risked their lives to make an unprecedented botanical survey of a little-known corner of the American West at a time when human influences had begun to change it forever.

[that-one-empty-skull]

Got tagged by @dingbingbats

Rapid fire questions go

coke or pepsi? Bepsi :)

disney or dreamworks? Dreamworks have dragons so

coffee or tea? Coffee for utility tea for pleasure

books or movies? You can't make me choose

windows or mac? Windows, Mac scares me

dc or marvel? DC ig, I like Harlivy

x-box or playstation? PC and Nintendo consoles

dragon age or mass effect? Never played either of them

night owl or early riser? Born to night owl forced to early rise

cards or chess? Cards, I suck at chess :(

chocolate or vanilla? Depends, mostly chocolate though

vans or converse? Vans are more comfy but I love my Converse to death

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? Don't speak French

fluff or angst? BOTH

beach or forest? Forest

dogs or cats? Both are lovely beasts but I have a slight cat bias

clear skies or rain? Rain 100%, not to be too emo but I love the sensation of raindrops falling on my back

cooking or eating out? Cooking all the way if it wasn't for executive dysfunction

spicy food or mild food? I like it a bit spicy. Like "spicy at a Turkish restaurant" not "spicy at an Indian restaurant"-levels

halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? Halloween:)

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? The latter is just menopause so that one ig???

if you could have a superpower, what would it be? Shapeshifting or invisibility, you're on the trans loser website

animation or live action? Animation

paragon or renegade? Don't speak Italian

baths or showers? Showers

team cap or team ironman? Unchecked nationalism or hypercapitalist libertarianism. Captain America I guess because I cannot imagine a single emotionally resonant story that could be told with the current iteration of Ironman

fantasy or sci-fi? fantasy but I've been getting more into sci-fi lately

do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they? The Sappho quote, you know the one;"[…]Heaven and hell are the same but in heaven they feed each other";The good ol' Memento Mori

youtube or netflix? Youtube

[REDACTED] 👍

when do you feel accomplished? God has cursed me for my hubris, and my work is never finished.

star wars or star trek? Horny Space Fleet

paperback books or hardcover books? hardcover, I'm too clumsy for paperbacks

to live in a world without literature or without music? You cannot meaningfully separate one from the other

who was the last person to make you laugh? Probably the dingus who tagged me

city or countryside? city

favorite chips? Those corn based chrupki that come in bags the size of a small child

pants or dresses? Pants

libraries or museums? Libraries

character driven stories or plot driven stories? Character driven

bookmarks or folding pages? Bookmarks

Dream job? They should pay me for being a special little boy, so ig Court Jester

What gives you comfort? Art, friends, pillows to hug

what are some of your favorite song lyrics? My theology/ I like to know that he's watching me/ Fulfill me up like a prophecy/ put the fear of God in me ; Sodom & Gomorrah by Dorian Electra my beloved

favorite ice cream flavor ever? Can't go wrong with mango

first fandom?

tagging others, add your own new question at the end if you follow up:

@vikugnavikugna @vzajemnik @nectadraws @sephinot @immortalsapphics @randomarcher2013 @asphyxi-art

[ecargmura]

Pandora Hearts Volume 5 Review

The fun of rereading a story is that you already know what happens in future events yet looking back at all the clues that lead to the big twist makes you look at the story from another light. That’s why I don’t really care much for wanting to read stories again at a blank state. I like it when I know so that I can look at things differently.

With that said, I’d like to say that this volume, in particular, is “Foreshadowing: The Volume”. Seriously, I am not joking. Once you find out about the big twist, you will be scrambling back to previous volumes to look for clues—most of them are in the fifth volume. I legit annotated a lot of the impending clues to the big twist—this is the only volume where I did this so far. Why did I annotate when I normally don’t do so? It’s because I want to look back.

Anyways, this volume is the end of the Cheshire arc where Oz learns about two very important things as he sees a memory of the Tragedy of Sablier from 100 years ago as it was engulfed in flames and agony. The first thing he learns is that Vincent had been there 100 years ago as a little boy. He figures out that perhaps, both Vincent and Gilbert are like him and that they jumped ahead 100 years in the future using the Abyss. He did recall that Gilbert had been found 15 years ago and that he doesn’t recall his past. The second thing he learns is that Alice was once human and perished in the Tragedy as well.

The scene with Alice’s death actually opened up a myriad of possible theories of “Who killed Alice?” I remember theorizing a lot back then too. The answer will be revealed in a future volume, but you’ll be surprised. Alice also recalls a few things from her memories like once having a cat that could be Cheshire. She also recalls a shadowed figure in her memories, which could be Jack, which she actually does confirm. However, there are some clues to Alice’s identity in the form of Cheshire. He says that he’s protecting Alice, but is antagonizing her. Think about that how you will.

Honestly, as a reader, I felt like Cheshire was a cool character but he was taken out way too long because he’s not dead—he returns but like way later to the point that you forgot he existed.

Jack does get more screen time in this volume as he meets Gilbert who doesn’t remember him and also possesses Oz’s body for a while in order to get the Four Dukedoms to calm down—this is also where we meet the some members of the dukedoms. Jack tells about how Glen is still alive and that he’s working with the Baskervilles in order to obtain the Intention of the Abyss. He even declares that he will stop them again. I think the best thing about rereading Pandora Hearts and knowing what’s going on is the fact that I can comment on Jack and curse him (affectionately). Haha, good luck with that, Jack. Seriously, I annotated a lot because one day, Pandora Hearts will get a reboot anime and that will be my day to shine.

Break’s also looking for memories of the Tragedy of Sablier for his own reasons. Fortunately, Oz was able to give him the important details once they got out of the cat’s dimension. Break actually apologized to Oz and his response was asking if Break was going through menopause. I don’t remember that piece of dialogue, but I’m glad I discovered it because that was super hilarious.

Break does tell Oz one important thing: Vincent Nightray is not to be trusted. Never trust the yandere brocons at all. Vincent is seriously the most suspicious character in the story because he’s unpredictable and what he wants is so ambiguous until it’s actually revealed. 

If you have read this volume, what are your thoughts on the Cheshire arc and the events that come after it? I think this is where Pandora Hearts starts getting good because of all these mysteries. Also, I can’t wait to start Volume 6 soon because my favorite characters will finally make their debut! I will apologize in advance for all the rambling I do when my absolute favorite character graces my field of vision. You won’t understand how much I love this character. Anyways, what are your thoughts on this volume as a whole?

[whatever-whatsoever]

She keeps looking around the room, especially where we would leave our late cat's food and water bowls.

We lost our cat like 4 days ago. Yes, it was terrible and I assure you all that my heart broke into a thousand pieces.

Woman won't stop stressing me up with this weird behavior. I got it, you miss him, so do I. He was my son, my little boy for 8 years. Yet life continues for the ones left behind and her overall behavior started to get on my nerves as it has started to feel like she has no intention to move on (judging from the behavior).

I've been enduring her menopausal shit already. Us losing our cat suddenly made it worse and I keep paying for everything with my sanity.

I won't be a sane person once everything is over, haha!

[copperbora]

Copper Prattles: I'm Thinking of Getting Spayed

So to avoid avalanching my loved ones in my various prattling I'm going to blog my prattling here instead so that my potential dumbassery is optional reading instead of something that they have to wade through in order to reach the cute cat pictures that I also spam them with. Which means, yes, now you poor souls will be subjected to my addled mind but at least that's easier to skip over and entirely ignore.

I'm thinking of getting spayed. I have only done a bit of research but so far this is what I have learned:

- Recovery for a laproscopic or vaginal spay is only two weeks! Of course, this means that I would need income to cover those two weeks. Hmm. In vet med we call this variety of spay an 'uncomplicated hysterectomy' because I have never been pregnant which means that my uterus is tiny and therefore much easier to remove.

- For reasons so far unknown surgeons like to leave the ovaries behind. Apparently this is to 'preserve the hormones' which to me who would absolutely love to skip menopause, and who absolutely despises having a period, sounds like utter tripe. My hormones can eff right off and my ovaries can take a hike to the kuiper belt for all I care.

EDIT: Whoa, okay, so the reason why they leave the ovaries behind in human hysterectomies is that if they don't leave the ovaries behind women whose ovaries are removed are significantly 30% more likely to develop cardiovascular disease (CHD or stroke,) which is a significantly higher risk than them developing ovarian cancer. (1 in 413,800 will develop ovarian cancer per year versus 1 in 14,700 fatal heart problems per year.) This is the study I found which explains this.

Reasons I want to be spayed:

- Not only do I carry neurodivergency genes which would almost certainly make any biological descendant of mine suffer as I have suffered, I probably carry multiple potentially extremely dangerous blood clotting factors on my maternal DNA based on far too many family members' medical experiences. And there's a possibility of cancer. And there is generational trauma in my epigenetics. (I do have some good genetics too, but the scary stuff has weight.)

- CLIMATE CHANGE.

- There's so (too?) many humans in the world and parentless kids, I don't need to add to that. If I am ever in a healthy headspace for parenthood I can adopt instead and love the crap out of a kid who really needs me, and who is already here through no fault of their own, who should grow up adored, thoroughly hugged, and supported unconditionally.

- I am already 33, which means that I am about 10-15 years past peak childbearing age which means that should I reproduce I will be at increased risk of life threatening pregnancy complications (which could also debilitate me for the rest of my life,) at increased risk of carrying multiples (after 30 your body gets desperate to throw out as many offspring as possible it seems,) increased risk of miscarriage (potentially life threatening,) and at increased risk of biological offspring having glitched genes - aka health problems.

- I don't feel female. I have always had some body dysphoria; making myself physically more neutral would be kinda great. (I would be gleefully on board with the entire removal of all of my lady bits including the exterior parts.) Puberty was The Worst for me; I did not welcome it - if anything I gritted my teeth and spat expletives because of how thoroughly unwanted it was. I already feel spayed, like an It. That's why I identify as not-quite-female.

Hangup #1: Culture Conditioning

I was born biologically female. That means according to my unbelievably misinformed and religiously influenced white European-Canadian culture that I am supposed to meet a nice boy either during or right after highschool, get married with him, become pregnant (multiple times of course,) and spend the rest of my life raising his spawn while he potentially cheats on me ('boys will be boys') in order to 'sow his wild oats' (because humans are not actually monogamous by nature.)

This all means that everyone around me is by default aghast at the idea that a woman like me might want to yeet her uterus. When my mom had her hysterectomy - a procedure done to save her life - her surgeon had the gall to ask my father permission to remove it. Which is enraging for so many miriad reasons.

People will say "But what if you want to have kids someday?"

Yeah, I want to be a mom, but at 33 the good ship Biological Offspring is already sailing off without me into the sunset with its imaginary friend Prince Charming.

"You'll meet a nice man someday and you'll want to give him some kids."

Probably not. Kids, like women, are not objects to be 'given' and as an aromantic ace I'm just not attracted to other human beings. I'm honestly more likely to adopt a dog than another human being. (Honestly I want a dog more than I want to be a mom to another human.)

But then there's my own culture conditioned mind, and how I feel like a traitor for wanting to yeet my uterus.

Hangup #2: Instinct

There's something that I can't seem to beat down: instinct. I'm prone to fussing over my loved ones and I have extremely strong maternal instincts so there's a significant part of my psyche that gets upset at the idea of slamming the door on my uterus' misty potential forever.

Hangup #3: (Which Kinda Goes With Hangup #1,) DOCTORS

- Doctors will generally argue the same stuff as #1.

- They'll also probably try to make me keep my uterus just because.

- They'd also likely insist on my ovaries being left behind which makes zero sense to me. In veterinary medicine we yeet the ovaries without batting an eye; why in perfect hell would anyone want to retain them? (I need to research this more!)

- Gaslighting. I get gaslit by my doctor eeevery time I visit her so I can't imagine other doctors being any different.

Hangup #4: Money

'Nough said.

________

Anyway, that's today's prattle. If you want a solid educational source regarding women's health I strongly recommend Mama Doctor Jones on Youtube. The podcast Lady Killers and the wonderful television show Call the Midwife are also fantastic sources of feminine knowledge and history.

[bonefall]

Snowbird Ann here: x_x I have Fennel growing in my front yard. That stuff...it tastes like black licorice and it's stringy like celery. But when it goes dormant, it leaves stalks that would be great building materials. Med cat/builders could get a fresh stalk, soak it in water to make it bendy and shape it into whatever. If I remember I'll go out and snap a picture of the dormant Fennel tomorrow.

Fennel is actually suuuuuuuuper useful for dozens of reasons. It's related to parsley and has been naturalized all over the world because humans find it so useful.

The cats could use it for:

-Funerals This herb can be STINKY. This could absolutely be one of the funeral herbs that elders rub onto the deceased, especially since it's non-toxic.

-Cooking It's full of fiber meaning it can be a good supplement even for cats, if not consumed in excess. It's also got potassium, manganese, calcium... They can't taste sweet but that licorice-y flavor would come across just fine. It's actually used in sausages a lot.

-Alcohol If your Warriors drink responsibly. And know how to distill. Mead made from honey would still be easier but fennel was used for health tonics in the middle ages... and then eventually got used to make absinthe.

-Insect repellent This one's actually huge because the OTHER big bad bug buster is mint... and all mint is toxic to cats. This is a really good non-toxic insect repellent for warriors next to lavender.

-"Toothpaste" Not like, a PASTE but, a sort of... sticky mouthwash poultice. Fennel's actually super good for oral health, eliminates bad breath, and fights plaque buildup; and remember, Our Friends Mint & Co is toxic to cats. You can make it into an oil and help a warrior with a gum problem. It's especially good at fighting streptococcus, which is one of the most common infectious bacteria in wild cats.

-General medicinal purposes Helping clean eye infections is just one medicinal use, fennel is useful for all sorts of ailments. It's anti-inflammatory, it's antibacterial (but not as good as honey), can help with digestion...

Historically it's also been associated with helping to treat colic in babies and estrogen-related issues like menopause and milk production, which is actually NOT proven with modern studies... but I think the idea is just cool enough to hand wave the science away, I would use it just to have an herb for colicky kits. It's weird that colic has never shown up in canonical kits before!

But...

Building use?

Probably not. You've noticed it's stringy-- that's actually where fennel gets its name. Fennel = Foenum = Latin for Hay. It's more like hay in consistency than twine and would be too soft to build with.

For strong material, you're just gonna want plain old wood. Twigs, branches, anywhere you can find fennel you're also going to find bushes or trees that'll make better beams.

For twine? Skip the fennel entirely with its short stalks and just get some tall grass. Or, if you've got long-haired cats, they can make yarn out of shed fur if they collect enough of it. Better yet, if you've got access to flax? Then you're REALLY cooking with fire, that bad boy can be made into fabric, rope, clothing... Don't even get me STARTED on industrial hemp, you could weave reality itself out of that popstar. Paper, clothes, canvas, shampoo, lamp oil, rope, bombs, you want it? It's YOURS my friend--

Anyway

TL;DR stick to the herbal uses for fennel. You're better letting dormant fennel re-grow because it's better in the paws of your medcats than your warriors.

[yerevasunclair]

Another Miracle

“Your heart is beating very fast.” Ned said as he snuggled his head on her chest. It’s already been an hour or more since they finished and he thought they’d have calmed down by now.

Cat kept her silence as she kept stroking his hair and keeping his body against her, still figuring out how to express her baffling emotions. 

How did this happen? She asks herself once again. 

Because we didn’t use protection, idiot.

But why would they need one in the first place? How could they remember to use it at that moment of desperation as well as victory? They’ve survived many crises, from being nearly overthrown from their business, to the defiance of their children, to the disparities of their judgement and methods. They were falling apart during those five years but neither of them would see their marriage collapse and be broken into irreparable pieces. 

“I should roll off now.” Ned attempted to relieve her of his weight, knowing it was causing her discomfort but Cat tightly wrapped her limbs around him as if her life depended on it. 

“Me neck is stiff, Cat.” He nuzzled his nose on her clavicle. 

“Oh, I’m sorry”, Cat released him from her hold and turned to the side where he lied. 

  He faced her to adore her small and lovely face that was speaking of many worries she’s been trying to hide. He caressed her cheek and his thumb brushed her lips, waiting for her to open up to him.

“Ned, I have to tell you something”, she took his hand and held it to her side. She just had to tell him directly instead of taking the leisure to present it in some other fancy manner. 

“What is it about, love?”

“I’m pregnant!” 

“Really?” he grinned in surprise as well as disbelief. That was always his response to the news. 

“Do you want a boy or girl?” she asks him. 

“We have too many sons. We need another little lady like you. By the way, when did you find out?”

“3 days ago. At first, I thought I was starting to go through menopause so I went to the doctor to ask advice how I can manage through this stage. The doctor gave me a general check-up and the tests revealed that I was actually pregnant.” 

“Pregnant at 47. That’s a miracle.” he said.

“Yes, we’ve always prayed and tried hard to have one last baby. But that was when Rickon was still two and a half years old and you thought that your football team lacked a calm and composed midfielder because the six pups were all aggressive.” 

“You named our kids the Stark Wolves of Winterfell Football Club and that inspired me more to create our logo and jersey shirt designs. Hahaha.”

“You printed so many! Four designs in four different colors for each of us.” 

“And accidentally, for Phoenix.”

“Phoenix?” 

“Our Player #8. Minisa Phoenix, if it’s a girl or Sean Phoenix, if it’s a boy.” Ned said with so much enthusiasm, missing the pleasure of teaching another toddler some kicking skills. 

“My mother and grandfather’s first names.. I love that.” Catelyn smiled and thought that Sean or Seana would be the most perfect, since it means ‘God is gracious’ or ‘God’s gracious gift’.

 Then he prattled on, “You told me that time you might be pregnant, so I impulsively called the shop to have another set done and they finished it within the day! I claimed it right away, had it gift-wrapped for the upcoming baby shower and when I came home, you told me it was a false alarm. I’ve hidden it in that old briefcase above the cabinet ever since...Cat, you’re crying...”

She hadn’t noticed until Ned told her that and wiped the tear flowing to her nose with his gentle finger. His touch made her break down.

“I just don’t know if I should be happy or sad. I don’t know why I’m pregnant now when it’s already too late and dangerous, Ned. I honestly don’t know if I can do this.” she said as she covered her weeping face with her hands. 

She tried to be hopeful, comforting herself with the fact that she has friends in their 40s who were blessed enough to have 2 children with no complications at all. Yet, she also has some friends who have been unfortunate, miscarriages and stillbirths that are either explained by common causes or occurred by chance even when they did everything right. As for her, she believes she was most likely going to lose this child that she wished they never had this child in the first place. She could not bear, much less imagine the anguish. Now she prays to God, quietly but deeply like never before, to please give her good health and great strength to bring this precious gift out into the world.

“Come here, Cat.” Ned moved closer to her and  invited her to the safety of his arms. He didn’t know what to say. He thinks she’s a bit silly for doubting herself, considering she’s an athletic woman who first had twins and 4 single births. She has completely given up smoking and drinking alcohol decades ago before becoming a mother and she has top doctors to look after her. Would it help to tell her nothing would go wrong? Would that defeat her apprehension? No. He’s learned better not to invalidate her (or even his) feelings anymore.

“I’m just as afraid as you.”

He kissed her forehead, loosened his firm embrace and rubbed on her back to allow her to breathe. Being with her was the best that he could do and that was all the reassurance that she needed.

-end-

for @pattarainn

@nedlynstan

@ladycatofwinterfell​

@shining-m00nlight​

[newsmutproject]

My body belongs to me

By Claire Sexton appearing in Writers Resist

It’s an insight the menopause has gifted to me. The knowledge that my body belongs wholly to me. At last I can own my own body. At last I don’t need to parade for boys or girls. I can walk around my flat freely. I can look in the mirror without flinching. I can accept that my body has ‘curves.’ Like duck eggs, or cat tails, or a funerary cartouche. Yes. My body belongs to me. That is final. My flesh has come into the fold. Where it is warm and sheltered from neglect. Its creases are unique and compiled by me. There are scriptures upon its expanse. It has become my family at last.

[dramaphan]

Fuck it I’m just gonna live react in bullet points until I get bored

•I know I’ve already read the intro but I’m reading it for real this time and it. It do be sounding like a vegan cyclists Instagram caption here and there. I keep waiting for him to tell me that despite all these bad things he’s talking about, he learned how to eat fruit and now he feels better. I gotta remember which oh my god as I was typing this I got an Adrian notification how did he know

•(absolutely horrifying please don’t search) Dan I guarantee the only people reading this book have already seen hello internet shut up

• “the pressure it put on my personal life was too big to handle” should I start an ‘I wish he would elaborate on that’ counter? Fuck it. 1

•I don’t know why I had convinced myself that this mf started therapy in like 2014 because it’s seeming like that didn’t happen until post tatinof. Interesting

•man does anyone remember that old picture that used to circulate with photos of like 20 youtubers and they all had a label like “bullied in school” or “abused as a child” or “eating disorder” and the whole point was to say “hey your faves are people who have been through some shit” but then you get to Dan’s and his was just “college dropout” as if that was the biggest issue he’d ever had. If only we’d known, eh

•man I really get some sort of icky feeling at that last line in the intro. “If laughing at my pain can make it easier for you, I’m happy to. I’m used to it” like I don’t know why that’s bothering me so much but I’m bothered.

• “I’m not an expert. I’m just a guy with a laptop and a story” yeah we know that’s why we’ve been giving you so much shit about making a book instead of a video 💀

• “it’s up to you to take what is contained in this text and apply it to you and your life” absolutely not gonna do that king

• “we can feel depressed or anxious without having serious diagnosable disorders” oh man you mean to tell me that sometimes things that are a symptom of something are also normal behaviours that don’t necessarily mean anything? Wild.

• “mental health problems aren’t some sort of badge of honour and suffering isn’t aspirational” go off king fuck anti recovery bitches

•I’m on page 36 and I’m starting to get bored already I’m really trying to push through this first section come on you can do it

•blah blah eleventh dimension blah blah brain lasers blah blah

•damn he really do mention menopause in this bitch

•”six million years ago when we were stressed apes” is doing something to me this is the first funny thing he’s said

•”primordial fish brain” alright fine he’s funny I guess

•I’m never not going to find it hilarious that he talks about nervous shits in the first few pages that’s genuinely the only thing that I’m ever gonna remember about this book

• “based on what I’ve seen from domesticated cats-“ what is this man even talking about

•there’s a whole chart about physical symptoms and what they mean and the footnotes are killing me this man really put a footnote in his self help book to make a joke that shitting yourself during a fight is a good distraction technique

• “use your brain. Please go see a doctor” okay maybe he does give good advice

•we’re talking about how finding a safe place during a panic attack can actually be bad and I’m feeling very called out. If I want to cry in the linen closet at work for ten minutes whats it to you

•”chaotic and argumentative holiday family dinner” you say? Please elaborate on that: 2

•Jess is going to hell for thinking about tits??? Dan this is a self help book not conversion therapy

•why is Dan making me imagine wasps that look like old people banging

•”if you recognize these symptoms in yourself, please question it” me, after being called out about ten times in one paragraph ❌👄❌

•”I always appreciated someone making a joke in poor taste at my expense” boy Dan you’d love it here at dramaphan dot com 💀

•okay I’m finally at the end of the intro section. Gonna stop for now. Review so far: it’s fine

[nancypullen]

Whirlwind

Gosh, it’s been a week since I posted! The last time I visited here I was in full Thanksgiving mode, cooking up a storm and waiting for Matt to arrive.  Since then we have feasted, laughed, feasted some more, put Matt on a plane back to Minneapolis, and entered the Christmas frenzy.  And it’s only December 3rd.  I feel like I have a tentative handle on things, and now I’ve cursed myself by saying that.  My Christmas to-do list is long but I’m marking things off daily.  I could really use some elves.  It’s not easy to keep the holiday spirit alive when it’s 75 degrees outside.  I’d like to at least need a sweatshirt.  I ran a few errands yesterday and actually used the a/c in the car...in December. Sure, that probably has as much to do with menopause as  it does with local weather, but it’s still ridiculous. I’m trying to be jolly for our second  *!%@#  pandemic Christmas so a few snowflakes would go a long way. Has anyone else hit a wall with this whole COVID thing? I’m so weary.  Oh, I’m still being careful.  I had the J&J vaccine last March, I received my booster on November 1st,  I still wear a mask into the grocery store, etc.   I know too many people who have lost loved ones to this awful virus, so I don’t take it lightly.  I’m just wondering if things will ever be normal again.  We haven’t been inside a movie theater or restaurant since February of 2020.  We masked up and got on airplanes, so is a move theater any different than that?  I’d have to unmask in a restaurant so that’s a bigger deal.  I want so much to be carefree again, but I also don’t want to die (or have lifelong health issues) from stupidity.  We’ve come this far, we can’t stop now.  It would be like quitting the Oregon Trail in Idaho.  We’ve got to see it through to the end.  Don’t fall out of the wagon and break your neck now.  Onward, onward. As you can see, I’m a bit out of sorts.  Between the balmy December weather, never-ending COVID, politics (don’t get me started) and self-inflicted holiday stress, I’m a bit grumpy.  I think I’ll get on the treadmill and then retreat to my desk and create something.  That always puts me back in balance.  A podcast, some paper and ink, and a nosy cat - just what the doctor ordered.  Sure, there are plenty of other things I should do,  but today I’m going to take care of ME.  That’s something that we often put at the bottom of our to-do lists, but you can’t pour from an empty pitcher, right?  Take care of yourself today.  Eat right, take a walk, do something that removes you from the madness of the world right now.  Save yourself. There are beautiful days ahead (I’m sure of it) and you want to be ready for them.  Focus on the million little joys that tilt the scale in favor of a good day.   Here’s a perfect example.  This morning I woke up and immediately began making a list in my head of things I needed to do.  I haven’t done my floors all week, I should throw some laundry in, I need to wrap gifts, take something out to thaw for dinner, plan next week’s menus, my bathroom needs a deep clean, and so on.  I wasn’t even dressed yet and I was dreading my day.  Then I walked into the kitchen and just on the other side of the window was a robin, singing his heart out.   It stopped me in my tracks and I listened to his entire performance before he flew away.

Yeah, I know - photography class should be on my to-do list.  You get the idea though.  He welcomed me to the morning and reminded me that the world may be a mess but at least I don’t have to eat worms for breakfast.  See?  Silver lining.  Happy December, boys and girls.  Find yourself some happy, take good care of yourself, and stay safe and well. XOXO, Nancy

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #420

lol blaze it (i’m funny i swear)

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? Without a doubt, Bojangle's. Good. Shit. Are there hurricanes where you live? Yeah, they're common here. What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. What song are you listening to right now? "Beast of Gévaudan" by Powerwolf. What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Also my only concert. What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? Alice In Wonderland. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. Do you like pumpkin pie? Anything pumpkin-flavored is a hell no from me. Do you know anyone named Austin? Knew, rather. Do you know anyone who is having a baby? My friend recently announced she and her husband are having their second child in December. What was the last thing you cried about? Just PTSD. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both, but I prefer chocolate. Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. How many deep dark secrets do you have? Two or so, idk. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of the hottest sauces. Wanted to die. ... Yet I continued to get that one whenever I went for years lmao. Who last called you sexy? I don't know. Would you class yourself as a good role model? In some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Are you scared of the dark? No. Do you have a motto? No. Who did you last see on webcam? The doctor that overlooks my TMS progress. Do you need a haircut? I need a trim for sure. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well, considering 1.) she's way past menopause and especially 2.) she's had a complete hysterectomy, y'know... that's kind of impossible. She also hasn't been with a guy in many years, so she would have to be joking. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? -___- Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? ALONE. You will NOT see me exercise in front of other people. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? The most involved is DEFINITELY World of Warcraft, and I guess you could consider it the hardest too, given some of the much more difficult things I've done in it. It itself isn't a hard game whatsoever, but you can pursue some really hard achievements. Ever watch the show Supernatural? If you have, then what’s your favorite episode? I used to love it, but just stopped watching eventually. My fave episode... Man, it's been too long to remember many. Probably one of the funnier ones. I remember I specifically liked the bit where they were in your everyday comedy show, as well as the one where I THINK Dean kept trying to prevent Sam from dying. I just remember the "Eye of the Tiger" bit that is pure gold. Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? Oh, no, but that sounds good. Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? Yeah, Pokemon. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? Besides butter, which I think is pretty standard, no. When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? Uh, I dunno. It depends on the book. I don't really care about page numbers. Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? Yeah. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Girt, probably. Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? I don't think so? When is the last time you cried? I was sobbing earlier today, fun stuff. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? Most likely not. ESPECIALLY at my age. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? Oh god. WoW, M:tG, big glasses, anime (does that count? idk really), video games... a lot of stuff, really. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? Y I K E S, no. That would be SO uncomf. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? Actually raising it properly, physically and emotionally. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? No. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? No. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? It'd be cool to have someone you feel an almost supernatural connection towards, but I'd also feel like I wasn't as "original" as I would be if I was born alone. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? I mean it wasn't awful at all, but sure, in some ways compared to at least someone. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? Well today I'm a wreck, so don't tell me. I want to know that I wasn't lied to for 25 years. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? I'm not entirely clear on this, but I'm 90% sure Dad cheated on Mom with his now-wife. Dad also accused Mom of cheating, but I HIGHLY doubt that's true. Do you like cleaning and organizing? Not really. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? Fuck having kids. I'd be a terrible mother. So to answer the other question, I'll be pretty, pretty sad if I can't get permission to spread Teddy's ashes at Yellowstone. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? Well, obviously not considering my dream job is a meerkat biologist, and I'm not moving to Africa. Have you ever been robbed? No. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? Not anymore. Dad was, but he's recovered. Have you ever dumped anyone? Yes. What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Risk his fucking sanity and health to try to hold my fucked up self up. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual. I've kinda been questioning pansexual of the late, though. I don't know. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? Not to my memory. Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: Regret. Hopelessness. Loneliness. And the reasons for these feelings? Take a wild fuckin' guess. How do you feel about your life right now? It's an actual dumpster fire. Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? Fuck no. Because there's just not very much TO like about me. Even on my good days, I see flaw after flaw in myself. What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. What subjects do not? Math, economics, politics, history... Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? Definitely fiction. When I read a book, I want an escape from the real world. How has today been for you? BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did you do? Went to TMS therapy. Sat on the Internet. Cried. :^) Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? No. Are there any lava lamps near you? No. I want one, though. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Are any of your friends a pothead? Yes. What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? Start losing weight again. That'd be pretty goddamn grand. Are you a high maintenance person? Definitely not. The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? I was having a nightmare. Have you ever been heartbroken? For sure. Who did that to you? First Dad, then Jason. Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? Boy, did I. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: A pb&j. The last time you spent most of the day in bed: Literally every day. I do just about everything in bed. Pathetic, I know. The last friend or acquaintance you made: Ummmm idk. The last thing you took pictures of: A hydrangea bush. The last time you were scared: Now. The future is terrifying, my friend. The last thing you looked up online: The definition of a word to ensure I was using it correctly. The last thing you disagreed with: So I've been watching John Wolfe's old stream of him playing Alice: Madness Returns, and he went on a total soapbox about smoking being okay essentially because we're all gonna die eventually from something, and I really disagreed with it. Does your house have a separate laundry room? No, just like a closet. Do your parents still help you financially? I'm still entirely dependent on them. Does your car have a backup camera? No. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? REALLY old, no. Teddy was definitely up there, but beagles have lived longer. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Lysol. Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? Christ, no. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No. Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? Don't think so? Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever broken into someone’s house? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I dunno. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Funny you ask, because as of today I decided to take a break from it for awhile. I've found it's nothing more than a breeding ground for envy and making me feel like a horribly incompetent adult. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? I had one photography teacher in college that I was NOT a fan of. He was super, super hard on everyone, like to an unnecessary degree. We were students, not pros. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Are your parents supportive of you? Somehow.

[constantlyirksome]

A Case for Big Mouth and Why it Works (Season 3 Review.)

South Park, Family Guy, Rick and Morty, for a long time we’ve been saddled with adult cartoons whose main goals were shock and awe to set them apart. But recently, with the introduction of streaming creators are taking risks. Bojack Horseman, a show equal in its whimsy and despair, is about to air it’s final, sixth season, proving a show can be mature, and tackle adult issues, and not resort to cheap shots or punching down with racism or sexism.

Big Mouth, created by Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg may not shy away from lewd, offensive and downright disturbing visuals, but I would argue that it falls more in the thoughtful and complex category.

The third season is just as debauched, but it still manages to carve out a lot of time to make thoughtful observations, in between dick jokes and people wanting to fuck turkeys. Peppered in here and there are jokes that are actually well crafted, and storylines that are progressive and joyful.

Season 3 picks up right after the Valentines Day special. Andrew, a newly recruited incel and asshole has gone full entitled male, violent chauvinist while his best friend Nick, now guided by Connie the hormone monstress, becomes more thoughtful, trying to become an ally to the girls in his school. He’s not good at it but he tries.

Guiding these two, and all the other freaks in their class, are Connie and Maurice the hormone monsters, who push the kids to do stupid things without thinking in an apt representation of how shit puberty actually feels. Maya Rudolph as Connie has been the shows MVP every season, her voice dripping like honey as she tells Nick and Jessie to rob people and jack it.

That’s my favourite thing about Big Mouth, all aspects of human development and thinking are recognized by some form of beast, wizard or hag driving the process. The embodiment of human shame, Shame Wizard, last season’s breakout star voiced by Harry Potter’s David Thewlis, only appeared once in S3, but many new friends showed up that were just as nuts. An old flying hag starts following Andrews's mother around, the embodiment of menopause, screaming both the joys and heartache of a woman’s reproductive going out of business sale. Voiced by Carol Kane (Kimmy Schmidt) she teaches Mrs. Glouberman to embrace her new stage of life.

A talking phone name Cellsea voiced by Chelsea Peretti sucks Nick into the virtual vortex, the embodiment of the human addiction to screens and phones. She’s basically Gina from B99 in a phone, she bullies and berates nick, goading him to do irresponsible shit, and it’s marvelous. Returning are the talking ladybug, Mirror Missy, Depression Kitty (a giant purple cat representing depression) and many more.

The creators of this show are coming out with a spinoff called “Human Resources”, which will likely feature all these whimsical nightmares that I’m very much looking forward to.

Bigmouth S3 focuses on more than the two boys this season, giving thoughtful, and dare I say heart-warming stories for it’s more minor characters Missy, Jay and Matthew. Matthew (another disciple of the always horny Maurice) has his first kiss with another boy, successfully taming his hormones (proving men can do this) to have a sweet romance with him. Missy grapples with being “too nice”, letting her mean alter ego loose against toxic men and bullies in a truly marvelous way.

Jay finally comes to terms with who he is.  After being all sorts of confused on Valentines, he binge watches a Netflix show about a queer magician to try and help him understand who he is. After an amazing musical number featuring Martin Short and the ghost of Freddie Mercury on the many different ways you may choose to self identify he becomes sure and confident in his own bisexuality. It’s an awesome thing to see a young kid unapologetically say he’s bi, refuting people who think “bi is just a stop towards gay.” With the help of a new pansexual classmate Ali (voiced by Ali Wong) encourages him he feels okay telling his classmates.

Although he lives with Nick and his parents most of the season after his family “home alones” him, not for the first time, he’s able to go home finally to try to help his family grow like he has.

The season tackles current politics, first with the trappings of toxic masculinity and double standards in how males and females are supposed to behave. At one point Andrew (before realizing what a jackass he’s being and unintentionally ending up at a Nazi rally) says “I do feel out of control all the time and I think I’ll use that as an excuse for my actions.” After starting an online manifesto the girls and Nick help him realise this is not the way to go. Mr. Lizer the fake woke teacher at the school is a cautionary tale against following this thought process into adulthood, coming across as truly repulsive.

Nick’s obsession with his phone and that whole storyline DOES feel like a boomer wrote it “kids these days on their phone”, it’s a bit ham-fisted but Cellsea is so funny and rude that it is still an entertaining plot thread.

Other funny threads include an incestuous trip to Florida, a story about the history of female orgasms and vibrators which is actually pretty informative, and a PSA against selling ADHD medication to people who don’t need it. Although these stories border on the obscene they never punch down. A person’s identity is never the butt of a joke, they’re celebrated (there’s a lovely little creative scene that describes the story and relevance of Passover Seder).

So go watch season three of big mouth! If you can look past all the cartoon genitals there’s something in there for everyone. Plus it’s worth it to watch Coach Steve (who is more of a cryptid that pops up for a few frames every episode this season) get a makeover from Queer Eye’s fab five, and to hear Tan France call him a “really dumb man.”

[coffeecomicsgalore]

Unveiled Love

@smutember

Ao3

Chapter 8 – Long Distance

     It's been said and done

     Every beautiful thought's been already sung

     And I guess right now here's another one

     So your melody will play on and on, with the best of 'em

     You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible

     A centerfold, a miracle, lyrical

     You've saved my life again

     And I want you to know baby

Marinette hummed as she perused the aisles of the fabric store. She was looking for something to inspire her, anything to get her away from her current studies. Everything was weighing on her heavily, and she needed some reprieve to keep her focused while Adrien was gone. With her earbuds in her ears, she sang along to one of her favorite songs, singing quietly to herself as she touched a silky fabric.

     Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony

     There's no way to describe what you do to me

     You just do to me, what you do

     And it feels like I've been rescued

     I've been set free, I am hypnotized by your destiny

     You are magical, lyrical, beautiful

     You are, and I want you to know baby

Marinette picked up a mint-colored cotton thread fabric. She brushed her fingers over the embroidered flower that was embedded every few centimeters. She liked the way the cotton felt underneath her fingertips, and her mind began to swim with ideas of what could be created with this fabric.

She managed to hold onto the fabric bolt as she made her way down, looking for a cream-colored cotton bolt that could easily be made into a top. The thought of something with accented pearls along the neckline would look both sophisticated and comfortable, something that could be easily worn while working in her office. A knee length green flowy skirt would look amazing, and even adding a large bow to the back could give it a 50’s flare.  

     No one compares

     You stand alone, to every record I own

     Music to my heart that's what you are

     I, I love you like a love song, baby

     I, I love you-

The sweet piano melody filled her ears as her song paused. Smiling, she pulled the phone from her pocket and the dorky contact image of Adrien with drawn on cat ears displayed on her phone screen. Quickly pressing the accept button, she waited until she heard him on the other end before answering.

“Adrien!” Marinette called to him, keeping her voice low. “I missed you!”

“Hey bugaboo.” Adrien responded back. She could hear the smile in his voice. “I missed you too. What are you up to?”

Marinette locked the screen and pocketed the phone, then placed the two bolts of fabric into her cart. “Oh, just walking around Monsieur's Fabric Emporium. I couldn’t deal with the Statistics notes that I need to learn for the test on Friday, and if I didn’t take a break, I was going to go insane.”

“Statistics is a hard course. Good for you for going out a bit. Got a design in mind?”

“Now I do. I decided to look at fabric to get ideas first. I decided on a mint flare skirt with a large bow around the waist and a cream-colored top.” Marinette stared at the different spools of green thread to match the bolt.

“That sounds amazing. I heard there was an akuma the other day. How did it go?”

Marinette looked around to see if there were any patrons around her. She lowered her voice just in case and decided to speak in code. “Not too shabby. Ms. Fox and Bee Bee managed to keep him going while DJ Protector decided he needed to get there earlier than necessary. Not sure why, but then the entire meeting went ten times longer than normal. Even the secret weapon was no match for his counter skills. It would have gone so much faster had you been there.”

Adrien could hear her voice breaking at the end, and his heart panged with guilt for having to leave so suddenly. While he was already 10 days into the trip, he still had four more days to go before he could fly home and be with her. He tried to make the process go quicker so he could get home sooner, but every time he did, things fell apart.

“You really do miss me, huh?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. Of course, I do. I’ve been feeling so empty without you.”

“Do you?” She hummed in agreeance. It sounded slightly muffled, yet Adrien could tell she was nodding as she agreed with him. He chuckled at the thought.

“Well, besides this vibrator that I’m wearing, I'm pawsitively lonely without you.” She added with a purr and he straightened at her words.

“You- you’re wearing the vibrator I bought you? Right now? While you’re in the store?”

“Yeah...” she drawled out as she grabbed a couple of packets of pearl beads and inspected them. “I wear it whenever I feel absolutely empty and need something to fill me up. It’s not you, though, but it helps me pretend that it’s you.”

Adrien grabbed his headset and placed it on his ears as he hooked it into its jack. He switched open the app and hovered his thumb over the ‘On’ button.

“You’re right, it isn’t me.” His voice became low and husky as he pressed on the button on the first setting. Marinette’s knees buckled as she felt the bullet begin to vibrate within her, and she clenched onto the cart as she felt it shake her core. “But hopefully this little game will help you.”

“Adrien...” She began, but he increased the speed causing her to cough to stop the moan that was threatening to leave her lips. Adrien turned the dial back down the first setting and let her get used to the vibrations.

“You miss this cock inside you, don’t you?”

Marinette cleared her throat as she tried to walk, nodding at the phone instead of trying to speak. She realized her stupidity and finally let out a muffled hum, and Adrien chuckled in response.  

“I want to hear your voice, princess.” He switched the setting to a two and the vibrations switched from a steady hum to a pulsating beat. She gasped at the change. “You miss this cock inside you, don’t you my love?”

“Ye- yes, Adrien. I miss it. I mi-miss y-you.”

“Good.” Adrien turned the setting back to a one, but increased the speed to two. “Be a good girl and tell me what you’re doing right now.”

Marinette tried to slow down her rapid heartbeat as the vibrations rattled her clit. The feeling felt so good, yet she wished he went harder with the settings. Being in the store while he was controlling her actions was doing wonders to her libido, and she wished she could play with herself to help get herself further to the edge.

“Walking.”

“Walking...” He drawled out to help her along.

“LookING.” He increased the speed to a five making her voice increase quickly. Her knees buckled again as she grasped onto the cart before she straightened herself up.  

“Looking for what?”

“Beads.” She moaned out then cleared her throat. “Pearls. For the top.” She breathed out.  

“Good.” He turned up the settings again until it pulsated with a heavy beat. “You know what would look great in your cart?”

“Mm?” She hummed out, the feeling of her coil beginning to twist low within her belly. Her breathing picked up as little mewls started to spill from her lips, and Adrien smirked at the success of his actions.

“Rope.” Her knees buckled again at his words. “And a blindfold.”

“Adrien...” She sputtered out as he increased the settings. “Adrien. I’m close.” She whispered.

Increasing the setting one more time, he could hear the increased mewls and the gasping of air. Adrien whispered into her earphones, with an intense sultry tone that he knew would get her off, “Cum.”

All of a sudden, Marinette gripped the cart, her knuckles white from the intense grip as she came down hard. She let out a muffled groan as she hunched over the cart, breathing in and out through her nose as best she could. Adrien finally turned off the vibrator and cleared his throat, waiting for Marinette to catch her breath.

“Fuck.” She finally breathed out as soon as she came down from her high. She straightened her back as she wiped her brow, and brought her hand to her cheek to cool down her flushed skin.

She looked up and noticed the store clerk looking at her, and she pursed her lips as she meekly waved to him.

“Do you need help, mademoiselle? You seem to be having some trouble.”

Marinette’s already flushed cheeks blushed crimson. “N-no. I’m. I’m okay. Just feeling a bit warm, is all.” The clerk stared at her with one brow perked in contemplation. “Really. Just slightly lightheaded. I’m okay.”

“If you’re sure...”

“Yup! Just menopause!” She yelled out, and she slapped her hand over her mouth. The clerk mouthed out ‘okay’ as she bit her lip to kill the groan that tried to come out. He gave her one more look and she nodded to indicate she was really okay, then the clerk finally walked away, shaking his head as he went back to stocking the shelves. She let out the breath that she was holding in, but stopped the moment she heard chuckling at the other end of the line.

“Adrien-” She tried to scold, but Adrien interrupted her.  

“I’ll call you later. Love you! Bye!” He sang before hanging up on her, leaving a flushed Marinette to handle the aftermath on her own, finishing the song as it replayed in her ears.