#meh ill make something better (hopefully)

[lofi-toast]

Oh god, oh dear, to whom I shall fear.

Defiance and restraint, I shall refrain.

[wosoragebaiter69]

a bad batch

barça femeni x teen!reader

request: here

A/N: do you guys ever wonder what showers in the diff teams lockerooms look like? is it just a big room with showers and they’re all naked together or is there cubicals? if anyone knows please enlighten me

TW: Vomit, illness, swearing

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It wasn’t your fault really, it was whoever decided that the KFC given to you was actually safe to eat. Don’t they have quality managers for that? Despite it literally having feathers on it still, it was pretty meh. Not even enjoyable chicken.

That’s how you find yourself hunched over a toilet bowl, throwing up all contents of your stomach and more. You’re sweating but cold, you definitely know you have a fever or sorts but you’re uncertain how bad.

Worse thing is, training was supposed to start in 5 minutes. No way you were getting there now, not like this.

You shoot a quick message off to Jona explaining you don’t feel well and it’s probably something you ate. He replies quickly saying the usual of taking off however long is needed to get back to full recovery.

What’s the one thing you don’t consider in all this? You’re very overprotective teammates.

You end up puking more, and passing out on the bathroom floor due to exhaustion, the cool tiles feeling magical against the heat your body radiates.

- - - - -

You’re awoken by harsh knocks on your door. Your head hurts, your throat is scratchy, you’re dizzy and delusional, you feel like shit.

You stumble toward the door, opening it to see Frido and Keira.

“Jesus.” The Englishwoman says before pressing a firm hand and against your ablaze skin.

“Jona told us you said it was a light sickness? This is bad.” She says, rushing inside with the blonde Swede behind her. You were teammates with Frido on a national level as well so she took on more of a role while you settled in Barcelona.

“Come on, you shouldn’t be standing älskling (darling). Sit down, come.” She rests her hand on your back guiding you to the couch to sit down.

“Have you eaten?” She wipes away the sweaty hair away from your forehead.

“No.” You whisper softly.

“Ok, we’ll get you to eat and then into a bath ok? If we don’t get this fever down we might have to take you to a hospital.” The words compute in your mind, you don’t want a hospital. You just have to follow what the older 2 say and you’ll be fine. That’s what you tell yourself at least.

- - - - -

After eating a couple spoons of chicken broth Keira gave you, you’re taken to the bathroom and stripped into your sports bra and bike pants.

“Get in the water älskling, you’ll feel better I promise.” Frido kisses the side of your head, helping you in the bath.

It’s cold, and you do not like it.

“Frido, cold.” You whimper, trying to get out.

“I know but you have to stay. This is needed, trust me?” Her heart breaks at the sight of you in so much discomfort. But she knows it’s for the better.

You cry, along with everything else you’re feeling now, you’re cold and not allowed to move. Keira starts to stroke through your hair whispering soft words of affirmation.

“Shh bub, stop crying. You’re ok, it’s all gonna be ok.” She looks over to her teammate who is measuring your fever.

“It’s still a bit high, 37.8. Just a little longer älskling, then you can go to sleep does that sound ok to you?” You can’t even recognise her statement, only focusing on the cold your body feels.

After a couple more minutes, the girls decide you’ve had enough time to cool down so they change you into fresh pajamas, putting you to sleep in your own room before coming up with ways to hopefully get you to feel better.

- - - - -

When you wake up again a couple hours later, you feel even worse. Every body part aches and you feel the need to throw up again. So, you muster up all the energy you have and make a bee-line to the toilet.

Luckily making it in time, you spill more contents of your stomach. Someone has tied your hair back but you can’t will yourself to move.

“Hey, relax.” The accented voice says. You do as told and fall into Caroline. When did she get here? But you do as told, not wanting to feel this way any longer.

“Feel like shit.” You mumble, exhausted.

“I know, Marta and Ingrid are also here now. We will check your temperature soon ok? Right now you just need to not stress and stay here alright?” She runs her fingers up and down the sides of your torso until Ingrid comes in.

“I’ve got the thermometer. Could you open your mouth for me?” You open it without question, and she visibly cringes at the reading when she takes a look at it.

“This is not good, this isn’t normal. Look.” She shows it to her national teammate. Who also cringes.

“Tell the others to pack her stuff, get Frido here. Tell her the temperature and we need to go to the hospital.” This is when you start to worry, even in your delirious state.

There’s commotion outside the walls of your bathroom but you can’t will yourself to care, slumped against Caro hoping you’ll feel better soon.

Frido rushes inside, picking you up off the floor. She rushes to the car and gets in the backseat. In the front is Keira and Ingrid, in another car is presumably the other couple.

- - - - -

Arriving at the emergency department, you’re immediately taken to a private room where they hook you up to machines and an IV. You try to fight them, feeling too overwhelmed by the situation but Frido takes the chance to hold your hand in hopes of calming you down.

“Deep breaths älskling, it’s not too long before they’re gone.” Her words are a comfort to your ears, and she’s right because the doctors leave soon after that.

You look down at the little thermometer on your finger, showing the temperature of your skin. 41.5°.

You cringe like all the other girls who had seen it previously. Despite your hatred for hospitals, you’re happy because it means that the pain should go away sooner.

Frido has been on the phone for a bit, and she walks over to you.

���Magda wants to speak with you.” She smiles lightly, and you take the phone holding it against your ear.

“Hi Magda.” You say, voice an octave higher than usual.

“Hey little one, heard you weren’t feeling too great. Are the girls treating you right?” You hum.

“Yeah, they’re good.” She seems content with the answer.

“Ok good, we need you healthy for the next camp. Can’t have the mini star gone.” You laugh slightly at the given nickname.

“Alright pass me back to Frido, stay well and don’t do anything stupid. Please.” She begs over-dramatically.

“Come on, I’m not that bad!” You laugh, even if it made your stomach slightly hurt.

“Sure, sure. Talk to you later little one.”

“Bye Mags.” You pass it back to the older Swede and the door to your room opens revealing Mapi and Alexia.

Alexia walks over to you, concern visible between her brows. Mapi heads straight to Ingrid. (Not a surprise).

“You don’t look well at all. I’m not sure how you managed to text Jona.” You shrug, she takes a long breath.

“We’ll talk about saying how sick you actually are later, for now you should get some rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.” You do as told, quickly falling asleep without fight.

- - - - -

Over the coming days, the girls watch over you like hawks until they’re sure you’re better and you won’t snap in half at a slight gust of wind. It got annoying, but you couldn’t really say no when they were just trying to make it easier for you.

Whenever you threw up, cried in pain or overall didn’t want to do anything. One of the girls would be there to take any anguish you had away. No matter what, Barca isn’t just a team. But also a family.

—————————————————————————

sleekswosobsession: number 1 writer for cringe ending lines

anyways i need help from you anons, i have an english short story (800 word) narrative coming up but i need ideas.. i’m a writer not creative producer. but i do know that YOU have some ideas so please give it to me. these are the topics:

1. betrayal of trust

2. consequence of bad timing

3. Individual against society

(go wild but not too wild cuz i have to give it to my teacher)

[mokacheer]

hahaha thanks for the mass tag game @ruanbaijie this shall be fun!

aka: nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? - no idea, my theories are that i was obsessed with rosario + vampire so i took moka, and since moka is cheery/happy i just bam. i honestly don't know 💀

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. - i used to have a ton because younger me dabbled in the RP world (lets not remember those times but remember the cool people i befriended) but right now no just this blog and the other blog i help run <3 @otomokatsuhiro (if you love old anime youll immediately follow ;) )

3. how long have you been on tumblr? - since may 2012 😵 (save me)

4. do you have a queue tag? - nah

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? - an old friend of mine told me about it and actually made this blog for me. now thinking about it idk if it was her that came up with the name, if i had a different name to begin with... no clue :s

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? - its yuki!!! must i explain why?! (plus it matches my vibe here alot of mutuals say im super sweet or a ray of sunshine ((ily it makes me happy everytime i get that hehe)))

7. why did you choose your header? - it just matches the overall pink cute vibe :p

8. what’s your post with the most notes? - still to this day its a 29 frame gif of a phone ending call... here

9. how many mutuals do you have? - i counted at the beginning of the year and i believe i had 108? but now obviously its 108+ :D

10. how many followers do you have? - 17.2k+ x-x

11. how many people do you follow? - 544! i remember at one point i wanted to keep the number limited but thats so stupid!!

12. have you ever made a shitpost? - uhhhh probably when i was younger. i used to constantly post #personal text posts so idunno

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? - help me

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - yeah a small amount of times, most would be reposters telling me "no this is my gif i made this! i wont remove this from my blog!" with my watermark clear as day in the corner lol..

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts - meh it's your blog at the end of the day, if you want to reblog something do it, if you dont dont. it's sad to see most people just like posts but they come from different platforms and fail to realize what kind of site tumblr is. hopefully eventually they will get it tho! amen

16. do you like tag games? - yes! i love that i get tagged in them but also forget alot of the time to ever get to doing them so i apologize for being late on this one hehe

17. do you like ask games? - plsssss i love seeing that notification light up in my inbox. it fills this bloggers heart with joy.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - oh i got a few @gojosattoru (where have you been ;w; </3), @hanae-ichihara (ill always miss you <3), DEFINITELY @taohs hehehe

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? - nope, having a crush on here has never happened for me :p

20. what is the last song you listened to? - charli xcx speed drive EASYFUN remix, its sooo gud

21. what are you currently watching? - the magical girl and evil lieun. are archenemies, fairy tail 100 years quest, maybe some other misc. stuff i cant think of rn.

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? - all of the above, i love sweet + spicy

23. what is your current relationship status? - single times *salute emoji*

24. what is your current obsession? - SMILING FRIENDDDSSSS asjdiaoshjdajsid

25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately? - aprils-bloom by julie areyouhome? by juno britpop by A.G. Cook right back by Frost children i like it by Frost children spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth by Caroline Polachek magic sword by 4s4ki tome by veltpunch 365 by charli xcx

tagging: @taohs @cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga @oneechangoddess @yuujies @scary-friend @fuwanek0 and others that wanna have fun

[partyoffourplusfur]

I’ve slept so much the past few days it’s unreal. Covid hit me like a train. I’ve had it a few times but never like this. Granted my chronic illness/pain/autoimmune shit is way worse now than it was the first times. (Round 1 I lost hearing though so 🙃) but gosh. Husband being the tea mvp and not being a dick about me sleeping. (He was a turd about my day 3 being awful after day two wasn’t so bad. Chronic illness whatmorecanisay) Forced me to get some much needed rest after working tirelessly since getting two jobs. Upset I lost so many days of work. But this week I get 8 hours of overtime so hopefully that makes up for it in some way.

I work the next 7 days so that won’t be great for me to get full recovery. But I don’t have to work at the clinic this week. So that’s good. Then again maybe I should pick up a day or two. After all it’s just 2 hours a day. Meh.

Got most of Christmas shopping done. What I can afford at least. Hoping to still snag a Lego table if Walmart online stops giving me a hard time. Fingers crossed.

I got nothing for my husband. I really only had two ideas in mind. But bleh. Money. Maybe I’ll just get him a bigger bday present this year.

Dental school reached out to me today to ask if I still wanted to enroll. Which means I need to ask parents if they can still help me like they said they would.

I really didn’t think this term would feel right for me. Timeline wise. Everything just felt so stressful. I’d already be graduated by now if I did the last course term. But now I’m at the cafe and I don’t plan on renewing my Rbt cert at the end of jan. So I’d be done with that and can just do cafe and school on saturdays. 🤷‍♀️ I’d be done before the end of March (which is when my lease is up) maybe I’d put us in a better situation to renew our lease or find something better. Internship would be easy peasy to find being that I’m done with cafe at 2 on weekdays. Hmm now that I’ve written all that out, maybe this is a great time for it. I would miss the cafe though. I’m having a lot of fun there and my stress levels have plummeted.

Trying to read more. Maybe that can be my ~resolution~ easy enough

I have a lot of big feelings about leaving aba. I miss my texas client dearly. I was so proud of the work I did with them. I made a difference. Ya know? I feel like I’ve done nothing the past year here. It’s definitely the bcbas. And the therapists. And the clinic in general. I miss inhome therapy. I’m not sure I’ll go back to aba. It’s just not the same. I just miss my baby bird.

If you made it this far..damn I should buy you a snack or something. Thanks this has been Brianna’s midnight word vomit.

Coming back an hour later to state that I can’t fucking sleep and I’m very annoyed by it. Just laying here with my eyes closed and nothin is happening.

Maybe I’ll go get a snack. Put on some YouTube sleep video in the living room. Of course my husbands slept on the couch the whole time we were sick and now that he’s actually in bed with me I can’t sleep and wanna go to the couch 🙃

[sagespirit-wc]

since i (finally) finished reading wind i thought id give some of my thoughts on it. might be whiny <3

spoilers probably beneath the thing - beware

overall i think it’s ok! (for warriors). it’s definitely getting more interesting from a plot perspective but im personally less invested than i was the first few books and i think it mostly has to do with nightheart and sunbeam. i like them okay and i do think they’re cute together - and it’s really nice to see a healthy romance front and center in warriors (looking at you bramblestar).

one of my biggest things - which isn’t necessarily a criticism of the books but more a personal thing - is that nightheart has become a bit boring since his character arc. i think it was relatively well done and i liked seeing him grow up a bit and grow closer with his clan and family, but he’s just so … meh now. i really liked what a spunky little shit he was at first, it was very fun to read. i wish we got more protags that aren’t viewed by the authors as perfect golden boys that can do no wrong - but now he might as well be one.

they’re getting better at handling squirrelstar - i remember being pretty pissed about how they just completed changed her character at first after she became leader (which happens too much imo) but i think we’re starting to see a little bit of her old self shine through. i especially loved her whole thing with sunbeam when she wanted to see her family. i didn’t want to see bland perfect thunderclan leader #4 i wanted to see squirrelflight as a leader. so hopefully they’re sticking with that.

on that note - this is old news i think but im glad they picked ivypool as deputy. i’m definitely biased (i adore her) but i think she’s a really interesting character and id love to see her get more spotlight again. (it also fuels my delusions that if we get ivystar we’ll maybe get twigbranch as deputy - ill never forgive the authors for abandoning her and violetshine). anyway i think there’s also a lot of interesting stuff that can be done with ivypool as deputy/ leader especially with dovewing in shadowclan. i know they won’t make her deputy too but imagine ?!!!??

it’s been said many many times but holy shit there’s too many damn cats now - especially in thunderclan. like jesus christ i can’t keep track of them all - i miss when there were like 10ish background characters with their own personalities and dialogue instead of the occasional one liner from whoever the fuck this guy is and nothing from cats that used to be protags/plot relevant (looking at you twigbranch. alderheart.)

i still adore frostpaw and i love how confident in herself she’s become. honestly i want more of her. the nightheart and sunbeam (especially) chapters dragged a bit for me. she probably had the same amount of screen time (page time?) as she did in previous books but it felt like less this time to me.

there’s just. not a lot going on. which is saying something for me cause i could read an encyclopedia’s worth of just fun character dialogue and no action - but we’re not getting much of either. it just feels a lot less charming than earlier books/series. it might just be me growing up but i just read avos for the first time this year and i ate that shit up. it feels a lot of the time like they’re just padding this shit out to meet the page count. like if you only need four books to tell this arc’s story you know you can do that right ???

like fr what happened in this book actually plot wise - splashtail is leader now. frostpaw is in shadowclan. berryheart and fam are rogues and hurt and sunbeam is worried about them. frostpaw is slowly convincing people she’s not a liar. she and puddleshine see splashtail being shady. frostpaw saves windclan(???) and then they spy on river clan some more and watch him kill harelight. maybe i’m being silly but it just - that’s not like. a story. but at least something happened i guess, like it’s moving along. i miss the park.

some little things that they would never do that would make things a little better (to me):

- frostpaw and whistlepaw. enough said. would fix all my qualms forever.

- give splashtail a personality?? he just seems like a very generic villain too similar to the others we’ve gotten. just a tigerstar/hawkfrost rehash. give him something new !! at least make him more charming and manipulative, dont just lead with the whole fear/intimidation thing again. he just comes off as brash and a bit stupid which is fine but not that exciting

- more mothwing??? like they’re hinting that mothwing is connecting the dots between this situation and hawkfrost but i want more !! give her the chance to right things this time! i wanna see her beat that little shit up!!! a lot of people think she’s going to be riverclan’s new leader and i wouldn’t be mad about that - i do love her - but i also think icewing would be a fun fresh choice

- shadowsight and frostpaw friendship. i mean come on!!!!

anyway i’m sure i could go on forever but that’ll do. sorry im sure that was extremely negative and ranty but no one’s gonna read this anyway!!!

[ladymorghul]

i think i might be one of the few alicent stans whos not a fan of some of her stans deflecting all responsibility for aegon. the reaction of her stans is understandable since viewers are as expected choosing to single her out as some kind of despoiler of her children (especially since this ep was viserys pov/pain heavy) but entirely deflecting any responsibility is IMO both wrong and also boring. ik the trope of abuse victim afflicting abuse on others(their children is tired but i cant help being endlessly compelled by alicents dynamics with all 3 (hopefully 4 soon lol) of her children. love hearing your thoughts on hotd and alicent especially

no, i get it. i mean, obviously, alicent's parenting and just the way she behaves has had an effect on her children. with aegon, it's especially true because of how young she was. not only was she inexperienced in taking care and bonding with a child, esp one born under those circumstances, but she suffered and suffers from anxiety and we've seen her dissociate not just when viserys was using her, but also sometimes when she's with her children.

i'm pretty sure alicent had behaviors and coping mechanisms that affected all of her children, and like i said that is esp true for aegon because i think it was a little hard on her the first time, to be with child, and then it got a little easier, and she knew more. in fact, we often see that in real life. mothers do better with younger children and although it's not always the case some children do, rightfully so i guess, develop ill feelings for the parents because of the difference in parenting.

but anyway yeah, i agree. and on top of that having an absentee father is bound to affect the kids too. and with viseyrs admitting he never loved them... children feel that. they pick up on it.

definitely, aegon, aemond and helaena didn't have stellar parents, and perhaps there are times when rhaenyra was warmer and kinder and more understanding with her children, but they also had different circumstances.

i do think alicent loves them very much, even aegon, despite the horrible things that he did and is doing, because some mothers just hold that in their heart, she's definitely made and is currently making mistakes with them, and there's a number of factors that play in how she deals with what aegon is doing, but yeah.

she was pretty hard on aegon because she feared for him and expected of him the most. he was the oldest, supposed to be rhaenyra's first contester with his mere existance, as we see in ep 3, and she put a lot of pressure on him, but also... there should have been more active parenting. it's hard because i believe young men of that time, especially princes, do have some sort of liberty that they get, and there's a lot of boys will be boys in that society, so idk to what extent she should have allowed aegon to drink because obviously that's one problem.

but at the end of the day some of it is aegon himself at least. at some point you are old enough to take decisions and it cannot always be your mother's fault.

as a sidenote many think alicent did something to helaena or the like to make helaena flinch. i go with the headcanon that helaena is autistic and a dreamer and had a different experience growing up and she isn't just so open to touch when she's young but when she's older we see that changes.

i really wish alicent would have made better choices with aegon. and i wish aegon would have made better choices with aegon. and this sudden change in narrative, where aegon is no longer just morally grey against rhaenyra has kind of made me feel a bit meh tbh

thank you very much for the ask! sorry for rambling for so long!

[demonslayedher]

How Does Eating Humans Work?

Hello, Gotou here. We’re shamelessly borrowing from the format of a KnY Fanbook #2 comic to launch an investigation into demon metabolism and development by crossing the Sanzu River again to interview demons in the underworld. While we’ll be using canon materials as a base, the analysis and conjecture herein is personal, so we ask for your understanding. Also, please note that consuming any food in the underworld will make you unable to return, and we cannot promise your safety even though the interview subjects are dead, so please come along at your own risk.

Some of the questions we’d like to answer are, why do demons need to eat humans? How much do they need to eat to survive? Are there factors that influence how eating humans makes them stronger? If they don’t want to kill humans, what are their other options? We’ve rounded up some special guests below the cut (hidden for length and grossness), everyone from the lowly Temple Demon to the lovely Tamayo, to see what their actions in canon might tell us.

First, a review of what canon tells us, mostly as summarized in Fanbook #2: 1. With one exception named Yushirou, all demons were created by Kibutsuji Muzan, for his own purposes. They all have some amount of his blood, and can be divided into four classes depending on how powerful they are. From top to bottom, the Upper Moons, the Lower Moons, demons with special abilities, and other demons without any special characteristics. 2. Demons may be stronger depending on how much of Kibutsuji Muzan’s blood they have. Most beings’ cannot handle a large amount of his blood, and it will rupture the cells and that being will die, but there are demons who adapt well to it. 3. Typically, sunlight is the only way to kill a demon, by either bathing them in sunlight or cutting of their head with a Nichirin blade. However, there are powerful demons for whom chopping off their head does not work, and if it’s strong enough, demons can also be killed by wisteria poison.

4. Demons eat human blood and flesh. The more they eat, the stronger they become, and the faster their regenerative abilities become. Some humans have “Marechi,” a rare blood type, which is especially nutritious to demons, and eating one Marechi is the equivalent of eating several humans.

That’s an interesting thing we’d like to come back to, especially since we’re looking for quantitative information about how demons gain nutrition (though I have my doubts we'll get enough for statistical analysis). As an interesting note, Fanbook #2 also tells us that if demons try to consume the same edibles humans do, they’ll vomit it back up.

I’m told that Miss Tamayo drinks tea, though. That’ll be an interesting question for later. In my notes, it seems she’s also explained to Tanjirou back in Chapter 15 that demons will normally go berserk if they go a long time without consuming any blood or flesh. Berserk is one thing, but I wonder if they can starve to death? We’ll see if these canon clues will lead us to anything. We’ll begin now in an interview format. Hopefully this will go smoothly, but I’ve got a feeling it won’t. First up, we’ve the Temple Demon.

Temple: Who were you calling ‘lowly’ just now? Up there, above the cut?

Gotou: That was in a literal sense, not having Blood Techniques means you’re in the bottom common tier of demons.

Temple: Argh. Fine. What do you want to know?

Gotou: In Chapter 2, you were spotted with three human victims. However, it seems you left their bodies mostly intact and only ate small parts instead of consuming one full human at a time. Could you comment on this?

Temple: I’d have gotten to more later if that whelp with the strong legs didn’t interrupt me! Who’s got time to eat entire humans anyway? I went for the easy stuff first.

Gotou: I see. It appears you might had focused on key organs, like the heart and the liver. Would you say these are especially nutritionally dense?

Temple: I guess. If I’m going to eat humans, I’m going to start with what’s worth bothering to digest. Blood’s easier on the stomach, so that’s what I was busy with on the lady there.

Gotou: Then it takes effort to digest? Hmm. Let’s come back to this later. How many humans would you say you consumed, including these three?

Temple: Not a lot… I tried to get a variety so I could get stronger faster, but…

Gotou: I’ll put down a guess as ten or less. Let’s move on to someone who has a sharper memory for numbers. One of our longer-lived guests at Mt. Fujikasane for 47 years, the Hand Demon. While most of the demons on the mountain had only eaten two or three humans, you’ve eaten a whole 50 of the children who headed into the Final Selection, didn’t you?

Hand: Yes, that’s right. It was hard at first since I wasn’t very strong, and the demons usually all went crazy there eating each other, just like that one brat who got away in Chapter 7 said. If you could manage to kill any of the kids, you had the other demons to fight off to even get a piece to yourself. That was enough to get me by, and stronger, little by little. Your body learns to make your meals last, and make the most of what you can get. I usually only had a bite of one child a year, can you imagine how horrible that was? Most demons who survive usually figure out some way to develop and survive better, and once my cells found something that worked for me, I kept doing it. I got really good at snatching away prey from other demons, and soon enough I was a bigger threat than any of them. None of them could, you might say, lay a hand on me.

Gotou: That’s an interesting point about self-development. A demon named Nezuko was spent two years doing that in her sleep.

Hand: She must have had a big meal before that!

Gotou: Well, anyway. It seems that in near starving conditions, your metabolism made the most of what you had, leading to the most efficient use of whatever food was available to you.

Hand: That’s right, I got really good at it. Wasn’t always pretty, but I made it work. I got to a point where I could go two years without eating and still keep my wits about me while the other demons were going mad. But I chose to eat. I liked to keep my appetite for specific children.

Gotou: That smile is not reassuring. Some humans taste better than others, I guess?

Hand: That’s for sure. This one kid tasted awful, like rust and man sweat! I still don’t have that disgusting taste out of my mouth! But he was one of my more satisfying meals, so I ate more of him.

Gotou: Then why would you… nevermind, I don’t like that smile, no further questions. While I had hoped to keep these interviews focused on quantities of humans consumed, it does seem personal taste is worth asking about. I had tried to invite a Swamp Demon from Chapter 11, but it kept arguing with itself and it felt like I’d be wasting my time. The one definite thing I learned was that this demon is picky, with a distinct preference for 16-year-old girls. Based on the number of trinkets he kept, it seems he had consumed at least seventeen of them, including several in one town. Sheesh, that’s sort of a rough mission to send a first-timer on. I’ve got a more cooperative guest here to discuss her tastes, a Snake Demon who, according to Chapter 188, has a special taste for baby flesh.

Snake: Thank you for having me here. It’s good to be appreciated again.

Gotou: Did you only eat babies?

Snake: Goodness, no. Babies are delicious, but they aren’t very nutritious. And their skulls certainly aren’t that big, the ones I lounged around with were from the people whom I killed and stole from. But you know the nice thing about baby skulls? They’re still soft. They take a long time to digest, but I can swallow them whole.

Gotou: Like… like a snake, then. Sorry, I’m a little ill hearing that. Let’s back up, were all those skulls the remains of adults you ate, then?

Snake: Meh, I ate some of them of better-looking ones, but most of them I only killed. I could usually kill a lot more at a time than I could bother eating, my killing record was fifty women all at once.

Gotou: And you didn’t find that wasteful?

Snake: Wasteful? Not at all. I wasn’t exactly in dire straits, I lived a more luxurious life than most demons do. That meant I could afford to wait for a truly delicious meal, like how you humans might leave something in a slow-cooker to enjoy the perfect combination of doneness and tenderness, plated in the most appetizing of ways.

Gotou: I guess demons and humans are similar in that regard.

Snake: I’m so glad you can relate! Then you understand the frustration of a meal you’ve be preparing for years opening up the slow-cooker and running away right when they were just about done.

Gotou: I have never had that experience.

Snake: I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little snake, too.

Gotou: I think we might have gotten a little off-topic here. It does seem digesting humans comes with some difficulty. I’d like to invite the Drum Demon in next. Your name is Kyougai, I hear?

Kyougai: !!

Gotou: Kyogai, right?

Kyougai: You’ve heard of me! You know my name!

Gotou: I happened to, yes.

Kyougai: What have you heard???

Gotou: That you were kicked out of the Lower Moons for being unable to consume enough humans.

Kyougai: Oh. ……..yeah, that’s me.

Gotou: I thought demons go berserk if they go a long time without consuming humans. Wouldn’t that make an inability to consume them problematic?

Kyougai: It wasn’t that I couldn’t eat them! Like I said in Chapter 24, I had to in order to sustain myself, just like any other demon. But, at some point, I couldn’t eat as much as I used to. That happens to humans too, doesn’t it? When you just can’t stomach anymore?

Gotou: You mean like when you’ve overeaten? In a human’s case that feeling may go away within a few hours.

Kyougai: Sort of like that, but you know, humans reach a time when nothing is appetizing or the thought of eating makes them feel sick, right? Isn’t that the human condition?

Gotou: …uh… maybe if they have a medical condition? Or anxiety? Do demons get anxiety? Or eating disorders?

Kyougai: I… I don’t know. I just wasn’t good enough.

Gotou: I think it’s plenty good if you stopped eating humans. Though to have developed Blood Techniques and been a Lower Moon in the first place, you must had eaten a great number of them.

Kyougai: You think I’m great?

Gotou: What?

Kyougai: No, sorry, I was getting ahead of myself. It’s true, I used to be able to eat as many as the other Lower Moons always consumed. Our stomachs were stronger, you might say. Demons got strong by eating humans, and then the more you did that the better you usually got at it, so the strong ones would eat more and more and keep getting stronger and stronger. At least, that’s how it usually worked. I’ve seen other demons below me reached that point too, where they feel the drive to eat, but then they have trouble digesting it for a long time, so they don’t wind up eating that many people.

Gotou: Then it would make sense to eat the most nutritionally dense parts first.

Kyougai: Or a Marechi.

Gotou: Yes, or a Marechi.

Kyougai: It was a great idea, wasn’t it?

Gotou: I cannot condone any consumption of humans as a good idea.

Kyougai: I knew it. I’m nothing. Go ahead, stomp all over everything I ever tried to accomplish.

Gotou: I think I’m going to move on to my next interviewee now. It looks like we’ve got… oh, would you look at this? Lower Moon One. Enmu, I believe.

Enmu: You can believe whatever you want. I’m happy to help.

Gotou: I don’t need any help, thanks. I’m curious, since you were one of the stronger demons out there, it seems you had a stronger capacity for consuming humans.

Enmu: I did, I was always careful and paced myself so the Demon Slayers wouldn’t notice me. I took my time. I liked to enjoy e-e-e-a-c-h one.

Gotou: Then you had tastes too? Like babies, or 16-year-old girls?

Enmu: I could season any human to my liking. They’re all very easy to prepare.

Gotou: I’m still trying to get quantitative data. Can you tell me at least a rough estimate of how many humans you consumed?

Enmu: I told this more precisely to that boy with the earrings back in Chapter 59, and I can tell you this too. At my best, I could had eaten over two-hundred people at once if I took my time.

Gotou: OH MY GAW----sorry, I dropped my pen. Two hundred, at once?

Enmu: Yes. If I had just. Had. A little. More. Time.

Gotou: Clearly there is a huge difference between what common demons are capable of and what the Twelve Moons are capable of.

Daki: Psh, those were all any random common people. That’s nothing to brag about.

Gotou: Excuse me, and you are?

Daki: Daki, Upper Moon Six. You want something really impressive, you talk to the Upper Moons.

Gotou: I’m sorry, I don’t see you on my list.

Daki: What! Your list is stupid. Look me in the eyes, I’m Upper Moon Six!

Gotou: Very well, then. What can you tell me about your diet, Miss Upper Moon Six?

Daki: That’s more like it. It’s true that digestion takes a while, and takes some effort. Even though we Upper Moons may have eaten hundreds of people in our lifetimes, it’s not as if we gorge ourselves. The clever ones among us save prey for later to eat when we feel ready for it.

Gotou: Food storage? How do you keep them fresh?

Daki: You leave them still alive, numbskull. Nobody wants to eat something cold, that’s gross.

Gotou: I see, so that’s why demons prefer to go after new kills instead of saving what they’ve already managed to kill. That also might explain why the demons on Mt. Fujikasane wouldn’t had eaten many humans, if they found long dead ones in edible.

Daki: You want to know the real secret to eating humans? You can eat what you find tastes good, sure. But to get stronger, you eat strong people. Like your Corp members, the ones besides chumps like you? Using all that Breath makes their muscles really lean and potent, it’s like they come offering themselves as protein bars for us.

Gotou: You make them sound like a fad diet…

Daki: The real secret is eating Pillars. Besides Marechi, they’re the strongest meals out there. Guess how many I’ve eaten?

Gotou: I don’t have the data to make an educated guess.

Daki: Then get educated! Look back at Chapter 88! I’ve eaten seven Pillars, and my brother has eaten fifteen!

Gotou: Your brother? Who is he, then, Upper Moon Five?

Daki: What? Ew. Gross. Gross! No way, ew!

Gotou: Hmm… eating Pillars, huh? Well, I can think of one Pillar who was…

Douma: Me too!

Gotou: Speak of the devil.

Douma: Actually, we Upper Moons can! And he's not Satan, that's not how this works. But I guess Muzan-sama’s curse doesn’t effect us now. Ask me anything you want!

Gotou: That Chapter 143 reference was such a rude entrance. I understand that Pillars are particularly nutritious—

Douma: Oh, please don’t misunderstand! I don’t even eat all the Pillars I’ve encountered. There was the one Flower Pillar who got away from me, but some of the boy pillars I just leave around. What’s really the key to consistent nutritional intake is women! It’s really unhealthy for a demon not to get enough women in their diet, that’s why even if you’re only looking for Marechi or Pillars, your metabolism is going to get thrown out of whack with sudden big meals. You grow a stronger metabolism with consistency, I believe!

Gotou: If I could stop you there, I had an image from Chapter 142 I preferred to focus on for this case study. I see you keep a wide collection of skulls, from victims whom I assume you ate.

Douma: Yes, they all stayed together inside me for eternity, but the room looked lonely without décor.

Gotou: It seems other demons usually go for nutritionally dense organs like hearts or livers, or easy to digest parts of the body, perhaps just blood sometimes. Eating the entire victim, bones and all, doesn’t seem to be the norm.

Douma: Bones are organs too, you know! That’s where blood is made, at its freshest. They do take more practice in learning to digest, and I had to find a way around not having to chew them, but the bone marrow is very, very good for you, so I make sure to consume it frequently. It may take more time and it causes some of my followers to panic more while they wait, though, that’s a bit of a downside. Oh, and I guess bones can make good storage for some sneaky poison. Even fingernails and hair follicles, who’d have thought?

Gotou: I don’t think hair would have much nutritional value in the first place. In all my years, I can never recall seeing a victim with their hair eaten.

Douma: Tsk, tsk! Clearly you haven’t done much metabolism research in advance. I was really impressed by how well Shinobu-chan understood how my digestion would work. Eating hair can do amazing things! Isn’t that right, Genya-kun?

Genya: ?????????

Gotou: Genya-kun!?

Genya: What am I doing here?

Gotou: I don’t think you’re supposed to be here. Isn’t there, you know, another side? The other direction?

Genya: What are you doing here? Did you die?

Gotou: I’m here doing research on demon metabolism and how they get stronger by consuming flesh.

Douma: What can you tell us about what up with having your friend feed you hair you found on the floor in Chapters 170-171, Genya-kun?

Genya: I’m not a demon!! Why the hell are you asking me?

Douma: ‘Hell’! Haha, good one!

Gotou: How do you even know about that? You were dead almost a full volume before that. And Genya’s different, he’s not a case study in how demons consuming humans works!

Douma: Are you certain?

Gotou: I hear the term get thrown around a lot that he’s ‘half-demon’, but—

Genya: I’m not a demon!!!

Gotou: --how would that even work? That would imply that one of his parents had to be a demon, and that—

Genya: What did you say about my mother!?!

Gotou: What? Nothing—

Genya: You say that to my face! You just trying saying something about my mother to my face! My mother never actually ate any flesh, you got that? She doesn’t deserve any of this!

Gotou: Genya, calm down, what—

Douma: I see we’re learning nothing about hair at all. Maybe Kokushibou-dono would provide better commentary on that?

Genya: Mom? Mo-o-o-o-m? Are you down here somewhere?

Gotou: And there he goes… wait, did you say Kokushibou? Upper Moon One? Oh no—he—he didn’t want me bothering him, he did not agree to another interview—

Douma: He-e-e-e-e-y, Kokushibou-dono! How did that work with Genya-kun eating your hair? Hair can be nutritious, right?

Kokushibou: You would gain… nothing… from consuming human hair… it’s not… flesh… you wasted your energy digesting it…

Douma: Aww, cutting it off them would had been sad, though.

Kokushibou: Demon hair… like demon weapons… is made… from our unique cells. It’s not dead… like human locks. Because that boy ate my live cells… it affected him…

Gotou: Yes, because he had a very, very unique metabolism, analyzed separately in this post. To be perfectly clear, Genya is completely human with cells that could temporarily transform, and he never consumed human flesh.

Kokushibou: He… vexes me…

Gotou: Um… while I’ve got you here, you’re one of the longest lived demons, clocking in at over three, maybe four centuries. Do you have any estimate of how many humans you’ve consumed?

Kokushibou: ……I see in… Chapter 100… that you are 23 years old?

Gotou: That is correct.

Kokushibou: Do you bother… remembering how many meals… you’ve had in a mere 23 years?

Gotou: I’m very sorry to have bothered you.

Douma: Kokushibou-dono’s ancient compared to the rest of us! But if I tried, I could probably recall. Let’s see. One, two, three, four…

Gotou: Is that? Your finger in your brain? Oh—ohhh—that is disgusting---I really don’t need to know numbers that badly, please stop. Is there maybe just some average you can give me for the Upper Moons instead? Like how many you’d eat in a month?

Douma: I wish I could, but a certain someone was an annoying outlier and didn’t like to eat so many humans. He made me worry all the time about his health.

Gotou: Really? Who might that be?

Douma: Hello-o-o-o-o-? Akaza-dono? Yoohoo! He spends all his time with his wife now and never answers when I call, it makes me so sad. Akaza-dono did eat humans, plenty of strong ones, but any time he wasn’t under orders from Muzan he liked to spend his time training instead of eating. Fanbook #1 says he did that way more than eating!

Gotou: Training? What sort of training?

Douma: Similar things to what your Corp members did, I imagine. Doing squats, throwing punches, things like that.

Gotou: Then demon muscles had similar function to human muscles, and could be strengthened through hard work? That’s surprising.

Douma: I know, right? I’ll let you in on a secret, I don’t think it was the physically repetition that did anything. I think it was his willpower getting honed and shaping his muscles.

Douma: I had to focus when I acquired new skills too, like breaking down poisons. A lot of sad, lowly demons, like that Hand Demon fellow? They focus as hard as they can in their desperation, or focus on some strong emotion or attachment or whatever, and they grow and develop because of it. Sometimes all their weak bodies can manage is an ugly mutation, but that’s proof enough of how much focus they had.

Gotou: That sheds a lot of light on Nezuko, actually.

Douma: Shed “light” on Nezuko-chan, hahaha! Sunlight! You humans are all so witty!

Gotou: Speaking of willpower, I’ve got one more interview I need to get to down here. Of all the demons I have records of, only Nezuko went her whole time as a demon without consuming any human flesh, although she did go through moments of berserk cravings for it. It’s possible that other demons were killed before they could consume anything, but typically they will consume flesh as soon as possible, which is why its common for their family and close relations to be among the first ones killed. Tomioka-san even mentioned in Chapter 1 that these close relations are especially nutritious.

Gotou: A demon about as old as Kokushibou, if not older, is a special case of her own. She was one of the only demons we know of to have escaped Kibutsuji’s curse and acted in dependently of him, including having created a demon of her own after two hundred years of trying. Most notably to our purposes, she trained herself to subsist on small amounts of blood, after having survived on corpses and wild animals for a time, according to the extensive Taisho Secrets at the end of Volume 21.

Tamayo: I explained this in more detail to Tanjirou-san in Chapter 15, but I went on to purchase blood from poor people, and extracted it in ways that wouldn’t be harmful to them. The one demon I created, Yushirou, could subsist on even less. I gained enough self-control that I could treat injured humans without feeling tempted into a berserk state.

Gotou: I was just talking to Douma about willpower making demons capable of accomplishing new physical developments. Was that how you were able to gain this state? I heard you even enjoy a cup of tea now and then.

Tamayo: Yes, I’ve taken a liking to it. I’d offer you some if not for this, you know, being hell. It’s nothing like the hell I went through when first resisting consuming humans, though. My demon body refused to take anything but fresh human flesh at first, but in the hardest moments, I always remembered a kind demon hunter who said he believed in me and my desire to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. I believe Nezuko may have summoned her strength to resist the call of her demon cells in a similar way; she knew she had her brother there to rely on. Once she mastered something as remarkable as resisting the need for human flesh, it gave her the freedom to prioritize other developments.

Gotou: You spent centuries researching demon cells, especially how demons may break down and metabolize poisons.

Tamayo: I had not studied the metabolism of poisons until working with Shinobu-san. The medicine we concocted for Kibutsuji was only possible thanks to her work, and I couldn’t had worked with many of those wisteria-based substances on my own. I feel I was only there to fill in the gaps of her brilliant understanding.

Gotou: You’re very humble. I would pass along my thanks and compliments to Shinobu-sama too, but I’m pretty sure she’s not down here. On that note, did Genya-kun go back home?

Tamayo: He did after a nice reunion with his mother just now, it was very sweet. Shizu-san and I get along well, after all, we both carry similar guilt.

Gotou: Wait, was his mother a demon? That means Wind-sama’s mother was too? Wait?? What??

Tamayo: The worst hell I went through, or that any demon has gone through, is to realize what you’ve eaten after the hunger-driven madness clears. Being similar to your own cells, they’re easy on a volatile new anatomy to break down and digest. That’s why many demons may have driven themselves to forget everything all over again, or to twist their personalities to justify the horror, saying that because they ate the hearts of their loved ones and because demon flesh can live forever, then they never truly killed them. The truth always remained untwisted for me, and to this day, it torments me more than anything in this underworld can try.

Gotou: …

Tamayo: You should wake up now, Gotou. You’ve been through a lot; the nightmares must be taxing on your health. Please remember to eat well.

[mongoosecroft-alt]

Song lyrics as writing prompts Wintersberg edition

Prompt: "I'm always tired, it's just a habit."

Song: I'm Always Tired by Weathers

Rules: meh, some lyrics maybe?

Theme: exhaustion

my response:

It's a quarter to three, Ethan is still rolling in bed. He's been staring at the digital clock on the nightstand on and off since he lay down. Rose is on the other bed, surrounded by pillows in a makeshift crib. Ethan would prefer to keep her within arms reach. But he knows she wouldn't be able to sleep next to him in this state, she’s barely out now, shifting and fussing every few minutes in her sleep. It may have something to do with the traumatic events of the past few days, but he knows it's at least partially because he's so tense. Kids are intuitive like that, and Rose has been ill at ease every since Miranda came into their lives masquerading as Mia. Ethan feels guilty that his inability to calm down and rest is keeping Rose from doing the same, and that's probably only making it worse.

Ethan sits up on the bed, he sets his booted feet down on the floor and leans forward on his knees. He still has his jacket and jeans on. The bed creaks but Rose doesn't seem to notice. He takes a moment to review his surroundings, the door is locked with a chair propped under the handle, a lot of good that will do if the bsaa shows up with a battering ram. He's positioned himself between Rose and the door, his gun is in the top drawer of the nightstand, safety's on. His knife is in it's holster tucked under his pillow. And now he's sitting in the dark, staring at the closed door, waiting for something to come crashing through. There's not much more he can do than that.

He rubs the back of his neck and takes as deep a breath as he can. Holds it for a few seconds, and lets it out in a heavy sigh. For a moment the room feels dead silent, all he can hear is Rose's shaking breaths, she's clearly having a bad dream. Ethan contemplates picking her up, but decides it would probably just upset her further. His body seems to grow heavier at the thought, he hangs his head listening closely to Roses breathing in the quiet of the motel room, until he hears a sound that nearly makes him jump out of his skin

It sounded like someone knocking on the door, but who could be looking for them at this time of night? or at all for that matter? Ethan instinctively pulls his knife from under the pillow and looks around the darkened room, breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his chest, until . . .

*knock knock knock*

The sound repeats, it's just a soft thudding, like it was barely meant to be heard. Ethan’s eyes land on the sliver of light coming from under the door and he realizes that the sound isn't coming from the front door, it's the door to the adjoining room. Ethan takes another deep breath and tries to settle his nerves, he had almost forgotten that the door was there. it hadn't even occurred to him to worry about it as he surveyed all the potential threats and points of entry a few moments ago. he stares at the sliver of light under the door, he can see the shadow of the man on the other side, he's not moving and he's already knocked twice, so it seems unlikely that he's just going to go away. But what could he possibly want at this hour?

Ethan stands up slowly in an attempt to minimize mattress creaking and pads quietly to the door, he considers for a moment before clicking on the lamp on the far side of the room, Rose has never had trouble sleeping with the lights on before. he gently unlatches the door and opens it slowly.

Karl Heisenberg stands on the opposite side leaning casually on the doorframe as he waits, like Ethan he only has the clothes he was wearing when he left the village, though he's looking far more put together now. The smell of overly scented hotel soaps and shampoo along with the errant air dried curls and waves of his hair give away the fact that he's freshly showered. Ethan was caught a little off guard by the sight, Heisenberg's hat and trenchcoat were conspicuously absent, his unkempt hair and relaxed stance seemed so humanizing, almost endearing.

Ethan was so taken aback by the sight that for a second he failed to notice that the Lord was looking at him over the rim of his glasses with a raised brow.

"Are you trying to outmaneuver a lycan or a small child? because I'm pretty sure her hearing isn't nearly as sensitive as mine"

Heisenberg spoke with an expressive yet soft voice.

If Ethan hadn't been paying attention, he wouldn't have even known he was being insulted. Still, he looked over to where Rose was to check on her, but she didn't seem bothered by the other mans voice at all. He sighed inwardly and decided not to press the issue.

"it's late Heisenberg, what do you want?"

Ethan's words lack venom and betray his exhaustion as he speaks.

"I'm here to offer some respite"

the Lord states matter of factly.

"what?"

"The past three nights you've been awake, either pacing the room or tossing back and forth on the bed, not to mention the kid starts screaming every few hours, so, I know you're exhausted. Because you're making be exhausted."

Ethan scoffed.

"Well, if my daughter and I are so disruptive them maybe you should ask for a different room so you won't have to listen to the lasting effects of an infants psychological trauma."

Ethan knew his response was overly harsh as soon as it came out of his mouth. Heisenberg was paying for their current lodgings with the small fortunes worth of crystals he'd had in his truck when they'd made their escape, and now Ethan was lashing out at him for pointing out that he wasn't sleeping. Ethan shook his head and opened his mouth to apologize but Heisenberg spoke before he got the chance.

"I didn't come here to complain, I came to offer my help, it's been over a week since the crash and the most you've slept since was when you passed out from bloodloss. You must be tired."

"I'm always tired, it's just a habit at this point."

Ethan’s shoulders hung heavy

"But, I can't sleep, not with everything I know now. Besides, who knows if I even need sleep to function anymore anyways."

"You do, I can tell by how bitchy you are without it."

Ethan looked back up from the ground to meet Heisenberg's eyes, he smiled and Ethan had to fight the urge to either laugh or cry, he didn't know which.

"This is your idea of 'helping'?"

"No, my idea was for you to let me watch the kid for a few hours while you get some shut eye, then hopefully you'll be in a better mood when you wake up."

Ethan shakes his head again, he's feeling more exhausted by the second since the start of this conversation

"I get that you want to help, but I can't just leave my daughter alone with someone I barely know."

Heisenberg mulls the fathers words over for a moment before he speaks.

"fine."

he shrugs and pushes past him into the room without another word.

Ethan is swung aside as easily as a door on its hinge and for a moment he isn't quite sure what just happened.

"What are you doing?"

Heisenberg walks past the beds and over to the table. He pulls out one of the chairs and spins it around.

"If you need to watch me while I watch her then fine"

He sits down backwards on the chair at the foot of Rose's bed with his arms folded on the backrest.

"I can keep an eye on her from right here."

Ethan stands in the middle of the room, he tries to find his words but nothing is coming out.

Heisenberg leans forward a little more

"Get some rest papa, who knows, tomorrow might be the day that everything goes to shit all over again, and when that happens you won't be much good to any of us in the state you're in now. So, just let me stand guard for a while."

Ethan can feel his fatigue gripping his bones now, yet there's still that screaming in his head that keeps telling him not to let his guard down. Words come toppling out of his mouth before he’s even stopped to think about them.

"Every time I close my eyes I see all the things that have already tried to come and take her from me, and just as may more that haven't tried yet."

"Do you even know how eyes lie?"

Ethan perked up immediately at the sound of the other mans voice, he hadn't been expecting a response to his musings.

"I spent my entire life surrounded by monsters that most sane people couldn't even fathom, and yet every night when I tried to sleep I'd be convinced that something far worse was coming for me."

Ethan’s not sure how long he stared at Heisenberg after he spoke, but it seemed to be long enough to make him regret sharing.

The Lord rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist with a dismissive showmanship

"Which is to say that you're not special, you just have the luxury of knowing you're not completely paranoid. Since people and creatures like that are in fact out to get you."

Ethan smiles and a soft laugh escapes him. As the sound reverberates through him he starts to realize just how deep this full body ache has sunk in. He takes a seat on the foot of his bed, too tired to stand anymore. He leans forward on his knees again weighing his options.

"Okay."

He finally speaks

"But no smoking around Rose, if you want to light up then go outside."

Heisenberg nods.

"Noted. But I'm not going anywhere"

Ethan falls back onto the bed as quietly as he can muster and doesn't bother trying to move from that spot.

"Night Heisenberg"

He mumbles as he quickly drifts off.

"Good night Winters"

Ethan wakes a few hours later to the sound of Rose fussing, it's still dark with the single dim lamp in the corner serving as the only light source. It's a slow process to dredge his consciousness out of the deep dreamless slumber he'd fallen into. He sees movement as he starts to crack his eyes open, for a man his size, Heisenberg can move in complete silence when he wants to.

Ethan watches through heavily lidded eyes, lying perfectly still as the man moves from his chair to Rosemary's bedside and sits down beside her.

He looks at her pensively and starts to reach with both hands like he's going to pick her up, but seems to think better of it. He sits and watches Rose as she starts to sniffle and wine louder. He starts to rub his hands together slowly, his gloves make a muffled scrubbing noise. They speed up as he leans down over Rose's fortress of pillows.

He reaches out again slowly and presses the palm of his gloved hand down gently on her chest. He waits a moment for her to react and then starts to rub slow circles on her chest. He begins to hum softly and Rose's fussing seems to taper off slowly back into silence

Ethan wonders to himself how Heisenberg could have known or guessed that this gesture would work. But as the soft rumble of Heisenberg's voice drifts into his thoughts he drifts off again.

Ethan doesn't wake again until a streak of sunlight from the crack between the curtains reaches his eyes. He stretches out on the bed and feels the soreness in his muscles, it's still there, but a little less now. He looks at the clock and sees its past noon. He can't remember the last time he slept this long, let alone without being woken by nightmares, either his or his daughters.

Wait, where's Rose then?

Ethan pushed himself up on the bed and looks around the room, he feels an unexpected rush of relief wash over him at the sight of the scruffy rough and tumble Lord stationed at his daughter's bedside.

Heisenberg was asleep, leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the bed, his glasses hung on the neck of his shirt. Apparently at some point in the night he'd moved his seat to position himself between where Rose slept and the door.

Ethan was surprised to see that Heisenberg was still here after at least nine and a half hours, it certainly wasn't the kind of timetable they'd agreed to last night, and who knows how much of that the Lord had actually stayed awake for. Ethan certainly wasn't expecting to sleep for this long, though it wasn't uncommon for Rose, in fact she might sleep another couple of hours if she can.

Which was also surprising, even before the events of their recent history, Rose normally only slept this soundly when someone was holding her. As Ethan turns to face them and his eyes adjust to the modicum of light in the room he realizes why.

Heisenberg's arm is rested on the mattress, one of his leather clad fingers gripped tightly in Rose's little hand.

Ethan feels the corner or his mouth twitch at the sight. The two seemed content the lie. He looks back at the clock, Heisenberg usually slept half the day away anyway. Ethan gets up and walks around to the far side of the bed, he pulls his gun out of the nightstand and checks one more time that its loaded and that the safety is still on. He walks back down to the foot of the bed and sits with himself between the two of them and the door.

He can keep watch until they're ready to get up, he can thank Heisenberg when he wakes. For now he'll wait, he'll make sure their both safe.

[segersgia]

Looking back: Part 1 - Primaris Space Marines - Infantry

The excitement for 9th edition has been growing and growing. People are happy with the upcoming units for Space marines, and Xenos fans are rejoicing at the return of the Silent King and the introduction of new Necron units. 

What I want to do is take a long and hard look at what 8th edition gave us in terms of miniatures. 

To start of this series, we have to begin with Games Workshop’s favorite poster-boys; The Primaris Space Marines

The Primaris debacle:

If you didn’t already know, Games Workshop is somewhat obsessed with Space Marines. This hasn’t changed at all in 8th edition. In fact, it kind of got worse.

8th edition introduced us to the new and improved Primaris Space Marines - Extra cool Space Marines. 

For a lot of people, these were just a lame excuse to resell you an army that most of their costumers had already bought. Lore-wise, they came out of nowhere, and for some they were an affront to what the Imperium stood for: an autocratic, dogmatic and fascist regime that saw innovation and progress as something evil and dangerous. 

Fortunately, the Primaris have begun to become a little more fleshed out, and hopefully, this will continue for the better in 9th edition.

Before I start my overview, I have to explain my main gripe that I have with the ENTIRE range.

The Helmets:

With their redesign, the Space Marines gained a new pattern of Power Armour. This included a new design for their helmets, and I absolutely hate it. Gone is the iconic respirator, and instead we get a return of the Mark IV helmet, A.K.A. my least favorite pattern of the range. 

Kitbashers prove my point. The Mark VII is so much better looking on the new range. They look proper evil and merciless.

So always keep in mind that with every model in this range, I will have the same complaint; I don’t like the design of their helmet.

Intercessors:

The Primaris line was a way for the design team to re-imagine the space marines in a new way. Their size got updated to what might be considered “Tru-scale” and lore-wise, they gained a better crafted kit than their predecessors. Though what they gained in upgrades, they lost in group flexibility. 

Intercessors are equipped with Bolt rifles, which are basically slightly upgraded Boltguns. These can be retrofitted in the usual way with scopes or under-slung grenade launchers. 

Lore-wise, Intercessors take a surprisingly defensive role, mostly described as using suppressive fire to slowly advance to a position or hold the line.  

Their design, specifically their proportions, is what many expected the actual proportions of a space marine to be. They are hulking masses of power armour that should dwarf humans easily. The original Space Marines were a little “ill-proportioned” and the new Primaris have fixed that issue very well. 

One complaint I’ve seen appear is the fact that Intercessors lack the ornateness and religious aspects that the old marines had. If you’d actually compare them with Tactical Marines, it kind of shows that this isn’t the case. 

In fact, it just shows that normal Space Marines aren’t that ornate to begin with. 

Intercessors are a good re-imagining of the Tactical Marines and share the same feel that their predecessors have. What the Intercessors lack is just their weapon options.

7/10

Hellblasters:

The Primaris doctrine seems to hark back to the olden days before the Horus Heresy. Instead of the highly adaptable formations that we see in the Tactical Squads or the Devastator Squads, the Primaris decide instead to have specialized squads.

So while the Intercessors favor trusty bolt weapons, the Hellblasters make use of the the Plasma Incinerator: an improved version of the Plasma Gun that doesn’t overheat unless its fired in its overcharged setting. Hellblasters have the role of providing covering fire, similar to Devastators.  

The Plasma Incinerator is what makes this my favorite unit from the mainline army. It is such an improvement in design over that of the Plasma Gun. It makes for a great silhouette and the miniature looks more powerful because of it.

9/10

Reivers:

Reivers are part of the Vanguard line of Primaris troops; units specifically designed for long covert and stealth operations. 

(The rest of the Vanguard will be looked at in a future post.) 

Reivers themselves act like terror troops; sneaking into combat before yelling “OOGA BOOGA” and murdering everyone in the room like an Eversor Assassin. 

Primaris power armour has a very interesting quirk. It comes in different variants that can be mixed and matched to serve a certain role. Reivers and most of the vanguard line use Phobos Armour; a pattern that is lighter, more lightly armoured and features servos that allow it to be almost silent in combat. It features Grav-Chutes, which allows Reivers to safely descend from heights, similar as to what Elysian Drop-Troopers utilize.

They go into battle with Bolters and over-sized knives. They can also take a Grapling Hook, so they can cosplay as their favourite DC hero. The skull helmet they wear has an in built voice amplifier, allowing their battle chants to turn into a police sound cannon. They basically stole the idea from Eldar Howling Banshees. 

The poses from the “Easy-to-build” kit are just ugly, but their other kit fixes that issue. I still am not sure about the skull helmet, and would’ve preferred a better way to visualize their voice-amplifiers. I kind of like the Phobos pattern, but I do have some gripes with it, such as the exposed metal abs(?) they have. 

6/10

Aggressors:

I really don’t hope this is what will replace Terminators.

Aggressors are a fire support unit that slowly advances while providing covering fire from mid to close range. They wear Gravis Armour, which is the more heavily reinforced variant of the Mark X. They have Power Fists that have either Flamers or Bolters attached to them, and some are equipped with shoulder mounted grenade launchers.

Gravis Armour is my least favourite of the three patterns and Aggressors are my main reason for it. They look very clunky and are way too cluttered with weapons. I don’t like the rounded design as well. It looks like they would take one step and then fall face first into the dirt. Even the artwork doesn’t do them justice and makes their over-sized armaments even more over-sized. A wider belly and smaller gauntlets would’ve fixed this unit’s design.

4/10

Inceptors:

Remember the intro of the Space Marine video game? Captain Titus leaping off a Thunderhawk and flying through an air battle to land on an Ork ship? Inceptors do just that, landing in the thick of the battle, with guns in both hands like B.J. Blazkowicz.

They are equipped with either Plasma Guns or Assault Bolters, and fly through the air with an over-sized jump-pack. To soften their landing, they have these funny looking boot plates, so that they don’t die during the impact.

If the boot plates weren’t a thing, I would have no qualms with this unit. Their version of the Gravis Armour is what I would’ve preferred the Aggressors to have. They also look like they would actually do well in low gravity environments, such as space battles. What I like most about them is the fact that they seemingly resemble Assault Marines from the artwork of Rogue Trader.

Games Workshop has kind of gone back to looking at Rogue Trader, and figuring out how certain aspects of it could fit back into 40k. I’m 100% behind that trend and want more of it.

7/10

-----------------------

The Primaris range is already massive and I’m separating the range into different parts. So far though, it has been a varied bag of good and meh. I do want to keep these varied, so next up, I’m going to tackle a different army; the Death Guard...

[yakumtsaki]

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening. 

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible. 

Did she ever reply? 

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. 

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles. 

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron. 

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl. 

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space. 

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire. 

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces! 

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff. 

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about. 

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim. 

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore. 

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk. 

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family. 

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point. 

-Hard pass. 

Your loss, hombre. 

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen. 

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch. 

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-💗💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself. 

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value. 

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days. 

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better! 

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it. 

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life! 

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

[ofgeneration]

━ ✧ ( nico mirallegro, 26, he/him ) did you hear about generation’s new record ? it’s totally bitchin’ ! isaac carberry was killing it as lead vocalist. people who have interviewed him say they’re really quixotic & convivial, but they can be sort of impish & ungovernable if you catch him at a bad time. a mischievous grin, northern grit, your ex-record label’s offices looking like a jackson pollock after getting your revenge in the form of vandalism.

hello, my loves! — i’m jess, i’m 22 and over in rainy england. i’m recently done with university which gives me a lot of downtime until i find a job so hopefully i can dedicate a lot of that downtime to this fuckin’ rp because it’s gonna be lit i just know it. i’m a huge stone roses fan and 80s/90s-music-obsessed in general so getting to play this character is super exciting for me, so without further ado, meet my trash son: mr isaac carberry. PLEASE HMU FOR PLOTS!

BACKGROUND

born 14th april 1960 in manchester, england to a normal working-class family, isaac was the first born child of james & rose carberry, with a younger sister coming along a few years later. the little family of four lived fairly happily, but struggled financially just as many people did in northern england at the time. 

when isaac was five, his father lost his job as a result of coalmine closures, and times were tough. however, the family kept their spirits high by keeping close-knit, as well as listening to a whole lotta’ music. music was key in the carberry household. it was all around you at all times.

when times would get particularly bleak, his dad would pick up an guitar and play to the kids. he wasn’t very good but watching someone play an instrument and have fun with it sparked something in the eyes of isaac carberry.

tw violence, corporal punishment — during his teenage years, he was a problem child. he was the kid that always got pulled out of class by the headmaster to receive the cane in his office. he could never sit still, was always cracking jokes when he should’ve been doing his schoolwork, etc. it wasn’t talked about at the time, so it went unnoticed, but what isaac was probably dealing with was undiagnosed ADHD. despite this, though, he was a clever child. he had a way with words and looked forward to english class every week, where he would take great pleasure in writing exercises, especially poetry. 

writing was a dreamy, escapist haven for isaac, and this extended to his life outside of school, too. the works he was producing were mostly tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted stories and poems with a recurring “stop taking life so seriously” theme. when he turned 16, however, these poems began to turn into songs. this started to take up a lot of his time especially when he finished secondary school at 16 and went onto sixth form college, where he took music alongside english.

isaac desperately wanted to learn to play guitar, so that he could form some structural melodies to these songs, but struggled with honing the skill of learning an instrument. luckily, when he was 18, he made three friends who could do just that. the four kids would bounce ideas off of each other and hold jam sessions in the tiny little basement of isaac’s family home, but things never went much further than that (at least not yet, anyway.)

isaac decided against going to university, mostly since his family lacked the funds, and instead picked up a full-time job in a grocery store to help out his household’s shared income. 

in 1979, margaret thatcher came into power as the UK’s prime minister, and times got even bleaker. money was even tighter and the working-class situation became an even harder one to be in. the carberry family started sending isaac out on the street after work to sing some of his songs for tips. 

in 1983, aged 23, isaac was in a dark place. no opportunity, no degree, no wealth in the family to fall back on. he ‘rallied up the troops’ so to speak and practically begged his friends to start a band with him. he had plenty of material, after all.

to his relief, they said yes, and were determined to make it work. they were hungry for attention and throwing themselves at any gig opportunities they could get, to get them a bit of money into their pockets. that was it, GENERATION was truly alive and kicking.

at a show supporting another band, generation were noticed by a fellow musician, who took a shine to the band and booked them to support his upcoming uk tour. thus, the band were rising to prominence. fast forward a year and before isaac even had the chance to process it, generation were shaping up to be the biggest band in the uk. isaac could finally give his family everything they needed to better their situation and was having the most amazing time ever doing what he loved.

after independently releasing their own singles, the band got themselves a record deal in early 1985 and released their first full record, a self-titled album. their management wanted to introduce them to US audiences, and thus — that’s how we find ourselves here. 

PERSONALITY

ok sorry for that LONG ass background here’s the nice lil fun part where we can just dick around lmao hey meet my baby boy chaotic aries who is a lovable mess and i will protect him at all costs

literally so much of his personality is inspired by myself lmao we love an aries legend with ADHD but also i owe some of his characterization to the stone roses’ ian brown so if you ever want a look into isaac, watch some interviews or smth because Big Isaac Mood. the last aesthetic in his app references this video

nice, but a fuckin firecracker of a man. intense boi!! he’s a Lot

on first impressions he’s cool and collected and laidback but when you get to know him he can be very exhausting to be around, talks a lot, never tires of energy, etc

has that lopsided, wonky grin that you can’t help but love

lowkey isn’t really overwhelmed by the fame at all, he’s kind of narcissistic in the fact that he??? just feels like it’s really deserved? he knows hes talented jfjhgfjkghf

lowkey maybe highkey a sweetheart

a favourite with the ladies but not good w commitment

has slept around a lot. ladies, fellas, you name it. probably has it in him to settle down someday since he likes the idea of falling in love, but just hasn’t found it as of yet 

charisma literally oozes from him

tw drugs & alcohol / dOeSnT LiKe To sHoW eMoTioNs but then will literally cry w u and pour his heart out if you’re close enough to him or if he’s hella drunk or high on ecstasy 

Reyt fokin’ northern accent, yeh get meh?

man i dont even know can i just post this dumb shit already because this is getting LONG

WANTED CONNECTIONS

ex-girlfriend / groupie — i have this as a wc on the main

best friends will prob be taken by his bandmates but at the time of writing this only one other spot is taken so maybe ill branch out

give me some ppl who just DONT fucking like him

hookups / ex-hookups

someone he can be a bad influence on

someone who is a bad influence on him

someone he’s had beef w in the industry, maybe they said some shit about his band in an interview or something

a slow burn love interest plot................. listen.... gimme the one person he’s falling for and would consider being tied down for. i’d be so soft for that

gimme anything and everything my babies

[jupiterparker]

my only sunshine (p.p)

chapter three

summary: working in your dad’s flower shop, you meet a boy who turns your life upside down, for better or worse is yet to be seen

a/n: this is for @spideypeach‘s mini writing challenge! 

prompt: “can we just pretend I never said anything”

warnings: slight swearing

paring: peter parker x female!reader

word count: 1.4k

my masterlist

chapter two | series masterlist | chapter four

Okay, so maybe he didn’t remember where the store was, it wasn’t like you gave him the shop’s address or your phone number. But you were still disappointed at first when he didn’t show up, but couldn’t really blame him, the city was big after all, but you still held on and had hope.

After a week of waiting however, you were really bored. Your interaction with Peter had reminded you how nice it was to have friends, and you missed that. Another thing you noticed was that you would did find yourself singing in the shop again, continuously check the door. But unlike before, it wasn’t so you could stop if you saw someone come in, but now it was in hopes that Peter would come in.

And you did feel a little guilty about that, as you remembered what Peter had said about your voice, and you did say no. But on the other side,  if you didn’t sing, the shop was way more quiet to you than usual. And you got a reality check as you realized that for most of your day, you were truly alone, even in school.

It didn’t help that in the past week, you weren’t even in school, as you got sick with some strange cough, and couldn’t go to school, therefore leaving you with more time by yourself in the silence.

And while you had to spend a week in silence, you were lucky that it was only a week, as that when he finally found the shop.

“Well lookie here! You finally found the shop!” you said, walking towards the door to greet Peter. You were watering the plants for the millionth time that day, you should make sure they haven’t drowned yet, oops, and was delighted that finally it had been Peter who was entering the door.

“Yeah I realized half way home that I never got your number or the shop address” Peter laughed at your enthusiasm at the sight of him, surprised that someone was so happy to see him.

“Can I ask how you finally figured it out?” you asked, acting much more lively then you were 5 minutes ago. You were in the mood to tease him, even if it was partially your fault he couldn’t find it so quickly.

“I looked at the tag on the flowers, and the name of the shop was on there” Peter said, as if that explained to you how he got the address, because as far as you knew the address wasn’t on the flowers.

“Thee name doesn’t give you the address though” you said, voicing your confusion. It didn’t clear up the air, as much as it did spread the confusion, as Peter furrowed his eyebrows as you, giving you a weird look.

“Google?” Peter asked, unsure why that was so confusing. You made an ‘o’ shape as it got cleared up, and Peter laughed, teasing you and sticking out his tongue at you, “Idiot”

“I’m sorry!” you yelled defensively, making a mock offended expression on your face. You crossed your arms and pouted at Peter, causing him to laugh at you (again) and pull you in a tight hug.

You pushed him away from you as he asked “Anyway, how’s your week been?”

Once you were completely out of his grasp, you brushed down your hair and clothes with hands, to look back at Peter, only to find him confused about why you pushed him away. .“Meh, I’m kinda sick” you explained, “ it’s been going around my school, what about your school?”

Peter nodded understanding, putting his hands in his hoodie pocket before replying “I mean yeah its going around, but I have won’t sick”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked sassily, arms crossed, as you’ve never hear of someone who hasn’t gotten sick before.

“Because I’ve literally NEVER gotten sick before” Peter said smugly, causing you to pout. At this, Peter leaned forward at ruffled your hair. You swatted his hands away at this, resulting in a bigger mock pout on your face, making Peter smile.

“There is always a first time for everything you know!” you whined, coughing in between.

“Okay but it’s legit impossible for me!” Peter retorted back as your guy’s conversation was slowly becoming a fast paced argument.

“WHY” you yelled back, waving your hands as you didnt understand how he got to the conclusion that he was safe from all illness.

“BECAUSE I’M SPIDERMAN OKAY” Peter yelled, pulling at his head in frustration. You guys somehow got very passionate about the argument. But as soon as he said that, you both froze. Peter turned white, and you were processing what the fuck he just said.

“What” you whisper screamed, not believing what you just found out.

“Wai- wait” Peter stuttered, holding out his hand in your face. He was trying to figure out a way to repair this and hopefully move on for this discussion, as no one except Ned knew about him.

“WHAT” you screamed, completely ignoring the fact that Peter wasn’t saying anything, and was still frozen, “DID YOU JUST SAY YO-”

“CAN WE JUST PRETEND I NEVER SAID ANYTHING” Peter finally said, cutting you off before you could finish your sentence.

“NO”, you protested, “YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID YOU’RE-wait how do I know you’re spiderman for sure?” you asked once your brain started working again, all of a sudden doubting Peter.

At this, Peter let a huge sigh of relief, awkwardly laughing, “heh, heh, guess we will never know, guess i’m imposter”, before heading running, out the door. You panicked at this, as you really wanted to find out what was happening, so you did the only logical thing you could do.

You caught him by his hoodie and picked him up and threw him at the wall. And lo and behold, he stuck. Once Peter adjusted and processed the whirlwind of the past few seconds, you both just stared at each other in shock. You were in shock because this meant that Peter was fucking Spider Man, and Peter was in shock at the fact you could pick him up and fling him like that.

“So you are Spider Man then” you muttered to yourself as Peter climbed down and got himself together, “So what now?”

“First, I think we should discuss how the fuck you were able to throw me on the wall, and why?” Peter asked, still in shock and confusion.

“I means that’s two things but-” you started.

“Y/N” Peter warned, cutting you off.

You raised your hands in defeat, “Living and working in the flower shop means needing to carry a lot of heavy fertilizer, it not my fault you weigh nothing” you pointed out, causing Peter to protest in gibberish.

“Okay, but-” Peter started, before a thought crossed his head and he started to freak out. All of a sudden you were watching him walk in circles and mutter to himself.

“Hey hey” you said, soothing him as you ran over to console him, “What’s wrong?” you asked as you lead him over to the counter as you got him a glass of water.

“It’s just that, you know that I’m Spider Man, and I put you in trouble, and I’m such a bad superhero. Now two people know” Peter explained, worrying even more.

Biting your lip, you thought about how to calm him down, maybe with logic. “So I am assuming that the other person is a friend of yours?” you waited for Peter to nod before continuing, “Okay, well the only way we know each other is pure confidence, so it’s not like anyone is going to find out about me okay? So don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right” Peter said, finally much calmer, “but you can’t tell anyone okay?”

“Of course” you said, nodding to him, “It’s not like I have anyone to tell.”

Peter looked at you with pity in his eyes, as he started heading out, but quickly stopped when he realized something, “This time I do need to get your number, I won’t leave without it”. You laughed at that, putting in your number in Peter’s phone.

As soon as he left and closed the door, you whispered to yourself, “But you will leave in the end.”

Taglist: @djjffkd, @pallored, @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl, @penisprkr, @tuttigunner, @doihavetobesocialrightnow,  @supernatural-strangerthings-1980, @lovelyh0lland, @sprinklemetommy, @marvelsmagics, @yoinksholland, @21-chemicalpanicboys, @tomsfireheart, @hello-love06, @embrace-themagic, @fireboltrose7559, @ourdeliciousfoxcollector, @avenged-nightmare, @treegelbman, @rainbow-marvel, @tom-hollands-eyelash, @fallinallintom, @pumpkinsandparker, @tomhiddleston-is-myboo, @holland-haven, @oh-dear-tommy, @elentiya02, @futzingclint, @tony-starks-ego, @what-is-yeet, @lubrielx, @ticklishrainbow, @ukulele-tea-and-ocean, @adorablyparker, @onlyfangirlsunderstand, @tommy-braccoli, @tinkeringtony, @bluelalal, @valerie-weasley,@captaincorbyn, @nexitye*, @hotdamnitsjaz*, @peter-parkers-pumpkins

*unable to tag

be added to the taglist for my only sunshine here

[andymull]

WWE Stomping Grounds PPV – Previews & Predictions

Seth Rollins (c) vs The Baron: WWE Universal Championship Match w/ Special Guest Referee

The main event that no-one cares to see! The only way any interest remains for this bout once the bell rings will ALL depend on who gets announced as the guest referee, and truthfully there’s only one clear choice here that completely opens this match up to be something interesting…..and that’s Brock Lesnar.

If Lesnar comes out in the stripes with his briefcase it quickly becomes a case of ‘when’ will he cash in during the PPV, does he referee the match as normal then cash in on the winner? Does he get bored during the match and decide to destroy both guys and pin Seth? Does he beat up both guys and let The Baron win the title then beat him just to anger Rollins more? Or do they just have him ref as normal then leave and not cash in to annoy the fans/viewers that nothing happened after the big tease it will be.

If it turns out to be anyone else on the roster as the referee this will be hilarious for how bad it will be received, so much so that I need to see it lol

So, for me Lesnar refs as normal until both guys hit big moves or something big happens then he cashes in, whips the floor with them both and pins Seth. But, remember there is still the rumour that Brock holds onto his briefcase until Smackdown Live moves to Fox and cashes in on the champion during the first show for a big story to lead with on the new champion…. – LESNAR

Kofi Kingston (c) vs Dolph Ziggler: WWE Championship Steel Cage Match

Seriously, no-one cares about Ziggler, no-one cares about him in the main event and no-one thinks he has any chance of winning the title, and all of that lack of care would be even greater if they actually made the dumbest move in giving him the belt. Man, its sad that with both of these title fights we worry more about them making the dumbest decision (with great experiences of this) instead of the easiest decision that people want to see and makes sense.

This really has just been poor/easy/lazy booking, it all started with Kevin Owens not wanting to go to Saudi Arabia and they had to find a short-term challenger for the event, they went with Ziggler who hadn’t been on tv and didn’t deserve it. The match they had was meh and Ziggler lucked into them being lazy and booking most of the matches there for rematches on this Stomping Grounds show, as really he should have disappeared back into obscurity on the comedy circuit and quickly be forgotten about again by his bosses in the WWE.

Sadly, this Kofi title run still isn’t doing anything for me, ive mentioned it since Mania in that it doesn’t feel anything different or special after the initial title change and celebration. Not that I think he should be beaten ASAP for it and moved on, he needs big challengers and then should beat them clean to solidify his-self in the main event better, hell id have had him beat Roman Reigns soon even if its just a tv match to make an impact. They can focus on that win massively to try and help him while moving Roman quickly away from the title scene for awhile, then next time they get near each other we can hear how Roman has been studying tapes of the match to prepare better for Kofi, again making Kofi seem a bigger threat……its just easy to do with little thought to help everyone involved – KOFI

Becky Lynch (c) vs Lacey Evans: WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match

Another match that feels flat I guess, we all know the long-term plan is for Evans to win the title eventually but if its too soon it affects Becky more negatively as she’s been handled pretty poorly since Mania. Some of that is due to Ronda leaving for awhile and partly down to how they booked Lacey’s debut, with her being made to be ‘a lady’ above being a threat in-ring and showing her marine side.

Then we have to consider if we have Lacey lose again to Becky it potentially could harm her a lot, which is the big problem in having someone new come in and be pushed at the top of a division but don’t really want to put the belt on her instantly. People perceive wrestlers on the whole on how they debut usually, if someone comes in on top beating everyone they get looked at as a star, if they come in and receive a stuttering push and lose their big matches they come across as someone who cant hack it in the position they’ve been placed.

Truthfully I feel this kind of needs a screwy finish, mainly to keep them both strong without badly damaging either, it allows Becky to move to another feud but not truly be over Lacey who can always come back to the feud when they are finally ready for to actually win the belt. For the prediction Ill go with Becky but really it could go either way if the finish is just a DQ – LYNCH

Bayley (c) vs Alexa Bliss w/ Nikki Cross: WWE Smackdown’s Women Championship Match

The girls had a great promo segment on this weeks Smackdown that helped build this feud more than nearly everything else they’ve attempted. When looking at the winner here its only Bayley, the first thing people talk about with Bliss is still her injury status and likelihood of her getting more concussions and not being around that long and not her chances of winning the belt and moving shows.

The Smackdown women’s division really isn’t doing much of anything lately and needs some big focus the next few weeks in setting up programs for Bayley and the other girls after this title defence. I really want to see the other girls all show their ambition of being champion, it doesn’t have to be the centre piece of their ever feud away from the title but needs to be evident to show they are/want to be a big force in the division. Again, make everyone seem important and people begin to see everyone as important – BAYLEY

Roman Reigns vs Drew McIntyre

Is it just me that feels like we’ve typed this out nearly every month?

And ill say the same I think I usually do, it would be great and mean so much for Drew to beat Roman but Roman will probably win, we have to build up Shane McMahons next big challenger don’t we???? But truthfully with Roman being out of the title scene currently he should be losing this match clean, with the focus being a program in helping move Drew into a serious and legitimate world title contender instead of this being a seeming stepping stone match before Roman finally gets Shane one on one.

Give Shane the world title already!!!! – REIGNS

Samoa Joe (c) vs Ricochet: WWE US Title Match

After winning the elimination match Ricochet gets his chance for a big match with Joe, and this should be all kinds of fun. Joe is going to be bumping his ass off taking everything from Ricochet and making him look awesome, which won’t be hard. I don’t think we see a title change here but cant be sure 100% as I still think we see a Joe/Rey match when Rey’s healed for the title with a stipulation of hair vs mask – JOE

Daniel Bryan & Rowan (c) vs Heavy Machinery: WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match

I really don’t expect new champions here, but instead I fully expect to see Daniel Bryan do his damn best to put over Heavy Machinery as stars in the tag ranks that shouldn’t be laughed at but taken VERY seriously.

I think Bryan will dominate the early stages but gradually we get to see the heart of Heavy Machinery show with the fans getting behind them even more, expect some great Bryan faces throughout when Otis hits big moves and goes close to victory – BRYAN & ROWAN

The New Day vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn

A match I didn’t realise was happening until reading the matches listed for the show lol Seriously

At least there’s history involved for the guys to play off, but truly the only thing this match is here for is for Owens to get the victory setting up the feud with Kofi……surely? OWENS & ZAYN

Akira Tozawa vs Tony Nese (c) vs Drew Gulak: WWE Cruiserweight Triple Threat Title Match

2 really good weeks of tv these past two weeks from 205 Live, now they need to hope that this gets on the main show again and not the kick-off show…..

No title change yet, this show doesn’t seem to like doing them anyway, plus they don’t have the best depth available – NESE

Hope everyone enjoys the show, even though most are matches from the Saudi show but hopefully they bring more tonight

Bye for now

Andy

[alliswell21]

Wilderness Log, day 2

Shenanigans afoot! Not betaed.

KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP

Wilderness Log

Day 2

Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen are three of the most suspect, twitchy, jumpy people I’ve seen.

Neither of them slept a wink last night judging by how bleary eyed they are now. At least their insomnia was useful. They set up watches through the night, like a game of tag… one sat there and stared into the dark until another one clapped the first on the back for their rotation.

Neither Mrs. Everdeen nor Prim seemed particularly surprised by the trio’s antics though. In fact, they seemed relieved or something. I wonder why?

Mrs. Everdeen had me move all the liquor bottles to the big tent, except for one, and the one left out was dry as a bone by dawn. I wonder if I should tell Catnip that I left a box with about 12 more bottles of liquor by the fence? I didn’t think Abernathy would be drinking a bottle a day! If he wanted provisions, he should’ve haul the box himself. Heck, even Posy carried a rucksack full of her clothes and her two dollies.

Either way, I kind of slept better knowing there was someone watching out for the rest of us, even though the watchers are unreliable at best. I mean, how good at guarding can a drunk be? Not that I have much more faith on a guy that smiles so much (how can somebody smile that much all day long?) Even wielding that machete I wouldn’t see Peeta “smiley” Mellark as a threat. I guess we will have to toughen him up a bit.

Anywho. I was too tired after a day of moving all ten of us through the woods to also stay up all night on guard duty. Catnip made me thank the other two, although nobody thanked me for taking them safely this far. I figured it wasn’t a big deal since I was refreshed and ready for a full day of hunting and recognizance missions. I can be grateful if it’s important to Catnip.

Hunting Log:

Weather conditions were excellent for hunting today.

Katniss bagged a wild turkey, while I got three squirrels.

The snare line I set up last night yielded an enraged raccoon. Since the thing was still alive and hardly injured, we cut it loose. A shame. I’m sure he would’ve make a nice hat with the fluffy tail.

We called it a day after exploring the known land beyond the shack for a couple of hours. So far, the terrain is mostly hilly, very green and full of game. We will go further in tomorrow. By my calculations we can move out from here after tomorrow. I’m feeling optimistic for the first time in years.

Upon return to the camp, Vick was throwing a tantrum and Posy latched on it as well. My Ma looked haggard, so I took the two little ones and brought them with me to the water, to show them the lake.

They’ve never seen anything like before. To be honest, neither had I until a few months ago. It truly is a sight to behold. I’m trying to explain to them all about the lake but my knowledge is limited, which annoys me. Stupid Capitol! Keeping Panem dumb is how they keep themselves in power.

In the shack somebody gathered wood and sticks and Mellark has a nice fire going on the hearth, ready to roast the game we brought in. I already knew he could coax a fire from nothing from his games, what I didn’t know was that he used to help his Pa skin and gut the squirrels we sold to them. I guess everyone is useful at something sometimes, I just wished the guy would stop gushing about Catnip’s hunting abilities. We already know she’s an amazing markswoman.

So far, there’s been no indication of Peacekeepers combing the woods, searching for us. Very strange, considering all 3 of D12’s Victors are on the run. Who knows what’s really going on? Better not think too much about it. I feel guilty for leaving my district behind as it is, but my priority is keeping my loved ones safe.

There’s also what Catnip said about if we were away and safe, she could be different. She could get out of her head and go back to being her old self from before the games. We could finally get a chance at more. I’m not sure how we’re swinging that last part though, with her dragging Mellark and Abernathy around. Ideally it’d be just the 2 of us and our families, but Katniss is attached to her fellow victors and wouldn’t move without them.

Talking about Catnip’s anchors... Abernathy keeps hinting that we should bear north. I’m not sure why we wanna do that. If we stay our course south, we will have warmer weather for longer, making things easier on everyone.

The only thing up north is the crumbling remains of D13. A dead, radioactive graveyard. Nothing for us awaiting there other than illness and death. Hopefully the old drunk will go back to blackout flat on his back like he used to before Catnip and Mellark came into his picture. If he does though, Abernathy will be Mellark’s problem. I heard Catnip hissed at the old man that she’d make Mellark literally carry his dead weight up if he didn’t walk of his own free will. Mellark only sighed, so I know he’ll do whatever Catnip says. Don’t know why he still does that. Follow her blindly. Is not like she needs him to. Meh! Not my business!

So, supplies stand at:

-Bottles of white liquor (9) Redacted- 8 ½… Damn, that man can drink!

-Wild turkey (1)

-Squirrels (3)

-cooked chicken (1)

-pies (2 out of 3) (Rory suggested I noted the flavors so: apple and rhubarb) (what the heck is a rhubarb doing in pie? I thought it was a vegetable.)

-cookies (2 ¼ dozen)

-potatoes (5 out of 8)

-carrots (6 out of 10)

Everything else stays the same from yesterday.

Additional note:

Katniss announced that since we have enough food for the next two or three days, she’s going to teach everyone to swim tomorrow. Abernathy said he rather drown. Catnip was aggravated with the old man and yelled at him for a bit. Mellark stepped in and calmed them both down. For people Catnip swore she couldn’t bear to leave behind, they sure seemed to get in each other’s nerves a lot.

Additional note #2:

After supper, before the sunlight was completely out, Catnip and Mellark sat under a tree with that leather bound book of hers. She scribbled on it for a while, then passed it over to him and he colored it. She smiled down at the book fondly. The only times I’ve seen that expression in her face is when Prim would blow kisses at her playfully. I wonder what’s so great about that book? Gotta find out.

[minhyyuu-blog]

50 questions tag

i was tagged by @mochi-bambam :-) thank you~

1. what takes up too much of your time? computer games; I should find another way of de-stressing or something

2. what makes your day better? recent albums by Exo, Monsta X and NCT and my friends

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? nothing in particular :-(

4. what fictional place would you like to go? Hogwarts

5. are you good at giving advice? maybe, I hope so

6. do you have any mental illness? nothing that I’m aware of, and I hope that it’ll stay this way. I used to be depressed in the past though but now I’m fine.

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? YES, once. And it was really weird. Exactly as people describe it.

8. what musician inspired you the most?  Richard Bona when it comes to playing the bass; ViViD, a J-rock band that doesn’t exist anymore :-(, A9/ Alice Nine, also a J-rock band; a certain solo artist from my country and also a hip-hop group from my country, EXO

9. have you ever fallen in love? yes, but I’m not in love right now

10. what’s your dream date? going on a street fair, playing board games, going to a concert, things like that

11. what do others notice about you? recently I’ve been hearing that I’m very skinny (what’s weird considering that I gained 5kg this summer so I used to be way skinnier) and recently people have been praising my makeup :-)

12. what is the annoying habit you have? whining a lot

13. do you still talk to your first love? no, I haven’t even seen him since we graduated from primary school. I’m still friends with my ex-girlfriend though, idk why.

14. how many ex’s do you have? 1

15. how many songs are on your playlist? unfortunately, my phone doesn’t give me any information on how many songs I have ._.

16. what instruments can you play? I tried to learn the guitar and bass guitar in the past but I play none of them rn

17. who do you have the most pictures of? books about linguistic semantics, God, why My brothers and their families; Jooheon and Minhyuk

18. where would you like to go before you die? I’d like to visit a few countries

19. what is your zodiac? Scorpio

20. do you relate to it? yes, my zodiac sign really suits me even though I don’t believe in horoscopes at all ._.

21. what is happiness to you? accomplishing my goals, not being lonely and being safe

22. are you going through anything right now? yes, doing basically 1,5 year of studying in one year and I really need to graduate uni this year so there is a lot of pressure on me because I literally cannot fail

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? telling something my dad when he was dying

24. what’s your favourite store? this is not a paid promotion :-P

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? I can’t imagine doing something like this ever because losing a child is my worst nightmare but it should be allowed in cases such as rape or when the pregnancy is a danger to the mother and when there is no chance for the mother or child to live or when the foetus has a very serious genetic condition. And it really pisses me off that in my country they want to ban abortion in all cases and it is just purely inhumane. And also not everyone has some moral or religious constraints to do so, so we shouldn’t impose our beliefs on them. They have their own conscience.

26. do you keep a bucket list? I started to keep one last month

27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? Exo’s Don’t Mess Up MY Tempo!!!!

28. what do you want for your birthday? I don’t really know and my birthday is in two days ._. (I have a particular cake in mind though hmm. If I won’t get it I’ll buy it myself)

29. what are most peoples first impression of you? they usually think that I’m a know-it-all

30. what age do you seem according to most people? about 19-20 I guess; people ALWAYS say that I look younger but fortunately they finally no longer think that I’m underage, thank God (at least the majority of them)

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my windowsill a metre away from me

32. what word do you say the most? I’m not sure but I know that unfortunately, I whine a lot lately :-/

33. what’s the oldest age you would date? 28 I guess, and maybe 30 in certain cases

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? 19

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? something connected to languages or a musician

36. what’s your favourite music genre? k-pop, hip-hop, lo-fi and recently I started to like classical music again. I guess I’m coming back to my roots.

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? every country has its pros and cons and the only thing I know is that after I finish my studies I rather won’t stay in my country even though I really love my city ;-;

38. what is your current favourite song? Bad Dream by Exo (I know that I mentioned Exo at least 10 times today but I heard the new album yesterday and I’m dead and I won’t shut up about it :-P)

39. how long have you had this blog for? since summer 2015 but I used to have a different one between 2012 -14 but I deleted it

40. what are you excited for? for the experiment that I’m supposed to run for my bachelor’s thesis

41. are you a better talker or listener? I prefer to listen to what other people are saying but when I have to say something important or present something then I think I’m doing fine

42. what is the last productive thing you did? completing two units in an online course for one subject for my uni

43. what do you want for Christmas? to spend time with a lot of people (and this is coming true this year!!! omg)

44. what class do you get the best grades in? I just started my academic year a month ago so idk yet but last year I had best grades in Liaison and Popular Science Translation

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 3; I feel so sick and meh :-/ I don’t want to do anything

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? hopefully, I’ll have a decent job, friends and family and I’ll do at least one thing that I love

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? I have never been heartbroken, or at least I don’t recall, so if I did then it couldn’t be bad

48. at what age do you want to get married? I rather don’t want to get married

49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be an astronomer, a musican or a translator

50. what do you crave right now? hmm... nothing in particular

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA