#meh ill make something better (hopefully)
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Oh god, oh dear, to whom I shall fear.
Defiance and restraint, I shall refrain.
#mod speakz#creator lyn#my art#madness combat#madness project nexus#madness combat project nexus#madness oc#madness sona#caitlyn silvereign#Mentioned :#director phobos#madness combat phobos#madcom#madcom art#art#artist on tumblr#ibispaintx#man im shit at rhyming#This was supposed to be a madness day thing but#meh ill make something better (hopefully)#Nexus silver lining
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a bad batch
barça femeni x teen!reader
request: here
A/N: do you guys ever wonder what showers in the diff teams lockerooms look like? is it just a big room with showers and theyâre all naked together or is there cubicals? if anyone knows please enlighten me
TW: Vomit, illness, swearing
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It wasnât your fault really, it was whoever decided that the KFC given to you was actually safe to eat. Donât they have quality managers for that? Despite it literally having feathers on it still, it was pretty meh. Not even enjoyable chicken.
Thatâs how you find yourself hunched over a toilet bowl, throwing up all contents of your stomach and more. Youâre sweating but cold, you definitely know you have a fever or sorts but youâre uncertain how bad.
Worse thing is, training was supposed to start in 5 minutes. No way you were getting there now, not like this.
You shoot a quick message off to Jona explaining you donât feel well and itâs probably something you ate. He replies quickly saying the usual of taking off however long is needed to get back to full recovery.
Whatâs the one thing you donât consider in all this? Youâre very overprotective teammates.
You end up puking more, and passing out on the bathroom floor due to exhaustion, the cool tiles feeling magical against the heat your body radiates.
- - - - -
Youâre awoken by harsh knocks on your door. Your head hurts, your throat is scratchy, youâre dizzy and delusional, you feel like shit.
You stumble toward the door, opening it to see Frido and Keira.
âJesus.â The Englishwoman says before pressing a firm hand and against your ablaze skin.
âJona told us you said it was a light sickness? This is bad.â She says, rushing inside with the blonde Swede behind her. You were teammates with Frido on a national level as well so she took on more of a role while you settled in Barcelona.
âCome on, you shouldnât be standing älskling (darling). Sit down, come.â She rests her hand on your back guiding you to the couch to sit down.
âHave you eaten?â She wipes away the sweaty hair away from your forehead.
âNo.â You whisper softly.
âOk, weâll get you to eat and then into a bath ok? If we donât get this fever down we might have to take you to a hospital.â The words compute in your mind, you donât want a hospital. You just have to follow what the older 2 say and youâll be fine. Thatâs what you tell yourself at least.
- - - - -
After eating a couple spoons of chicken broth Keira gave you, youâre taken to the bathroom and stripped into your sports bra and bike pants.
âGet in the water älskling, youâll feel better I promise.â Frido kisses the side of your head, helping you in the bath.
Itâs cold, and you do not like it.
âFrido, cold.â You whimper, trying to get out.
âI know but you have to stay. This is needed, trust me?â Her heart breaks at the sight of you in so much discomfort. But she knows itâs for the better.
You cry, along with everything else youâre feeling now, youâre cold and not allowed to move. Keira starts to stroke through your hair whispering soft words of affirmation.
âShh bub, stop crying. Youâre ok, itâs all gonna be ok.â She looks over to her teammate who is measuring your fever.
âItâs still a bit high, 37.8. Just a little longer älskling, then you can go to sleep does that sound ok to you?â You canât even recognise her statement, only focusing on the cold your body feels.
After a couple more minutes, the girls decide youâve had enough time to cool down so they change you into fresh pajamas, putting you to sleep in your own room before coming up with ways to hopefully get you to feel better.
- - - - -
When you wake up again a couple hours later, you feel even worse. Every body part aches and you feel the need to throw up again. So, you muster up all the energy you have and make a bee-line to the toilet.
Luckily making it in time, you spill more contents of your stomach. Someone has tied your hair back but you canât will yourself to move.
âHey, relax.â The accented voice says. You do as told and fall into Caroline. When did she get here? But you do as told, not wanting to feel this way any longer.
âFeel like shit.â You mumble, exhausted.
âI know, Marta and Ingrid are also here now. We will check your temperature soon ok? Right now you just need to not stress and stay here alright?â She runs her fingers up and down the sides of your torso until Ingrid comes in.
âIâve got the thermometer. Could you open your mouth for me?â You open it without question, and she visibly cringes at the reading when she takes a look at it.
âThis is not good, this isnât normal. Look.â She shows it to her national teammate. Who also cringes.
âTell the others to pack her stuff, get Frido here. Tell her the temperature and we need to go to the hospital.â This is when you start to worry, even in your delirious state.
Thereâs commotion outside the walls of your bathroom but you canât will yourself to care, slumped against Caro hoping youâll feel better soon.
Frido rushes inside, picking you up off the floor. She rushes to the car and gets in the backseat. In the front is Keira and Ingrid, in another car is presumably the other couple.
- - - - -
Arriving at the emergency department, youâre immediately taken to a private room where they hook you up to machines and an IV. You try to fight them, feeling too overwhelmed by the situation but Frido takes the chance to hold your hand in hopes of calming you down.
âDeep breaths älskling, itâs not too long before theyâre gone.â Her words are a comfort to your ears, and sheâs right because the doctors leave soon after that.
You look down at the little thermometer on your finger, showing the temperature of your skin. 41.5°.
You cringe like all the other girls who had seen it previously. Despite your hatred for hospitals, youâre happy because it means that the pain should go away sooner.
Frido has been on the phone for a bit, and she walks over to you.
âMagda wants to speak with you.â She smiles lightly, and you take the phone holding it against your ear.
âHi Magda.â You say, voice an octave higher than usual.
âHey little one, heard you werenât feeling too great. Are the girls treating you right?â You hum.
âYeah, theyâre good.â She seems content with the answer.
âOk good, we need you healthy for the next camp. Canât have the mini star gone.â You laugh slightly at the given nickname.
âAlright pass me back to Frido, stay well and donât do anything stupid. Please.â She begs over-dramatically.
âCome on, Iâm not that bad!â You laugh, even if it made your stomach slightly hurt.
âSure, sure. Talk to you later little one.â
âBye Mags.â You pass it back to the older Swede and the door to your room opens revealing Mapi and Alexia.
Alexia walks over to you, concern visible between her brows. Mapi heads straight to Ingrid. (Not a surprise).
âYou donât look well at all. Iâm not sure how you managed to text Jona.â You shrug, she takes a long breath.
âWeâll talk about saying how sick you actually are later, for now you should get some rest. Weâll be here when you wake up.â You do as told, quickly falling asleep without fight.
- - - - -
Over the coming days, the girls watch over you like hawks until theyâre sure youâre better and you wonât snap in half at a slight gust of wind. It got annoying, but you couldnât really say no when they were just trying to make it easier for you.
Whenever you threw up, cried in pain or overall didnât want to do anything. One of the girls would be there to take any anguish you had away. No matter what, Barca isnât just a team. But also a family.
âââââââââââââââââââââââââ
sleekswosobsession: number 1 writer for cringe ending lines
anyways i need help from you anons, i have an english short story (800 word) narrative coming up but i need ideas.. iâm a writer not creative producer. but i do know that YOU have some ideas so please give it to me. these are the topics:
1. betrayal of trust
2. consequence of bad timing
3. Individual against society
(go wild but not too wild cuz i have to give it to my teacher)
#woso#woso community#woso x reader#woso fanfics#barcelona femeni#barca femeni#barcelona femeni x reader#barca femeni x reader
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hahaha thanks for the mass tag game @ruanbaijie this shall be fun!
aka: nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people Iâd like to get to know better x tag game with no name
1. why did you choose your url? - no idea, my theories are that i was obsessed with rosario + vampire so i took moka, and since moka is cheery/happy i just bam. i honestly don't know đ
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. - i used to have a ton because younger me dabbled in the RP world (lets not remember those times but remember the cool people i befriended) but right now no just this blog and the other blog i help run <3 @otomokatsuhiro (if you love old anime youll immediately follow ;) )
3. how long have you been on tumblr? - since may 2012 đľ (save me)
4. do you have a queue tag? - nah
5. why did you start your blog in the first place? - an old friend of mine told me about it and actually made this blog for me. now thinking about it idk if it was her that came up with the name, if i had a different name to begin with... no clue :s
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? - its yuki!!! must i explain why?! (plus it matches my vibe here alot of mutuals say im super sweet or a ray of sunshine ((ily it makes me happy everytime i get that hehe)))
7. why did you choose your header? - it just matches the overall pink cute vibe :p
8. whatâs your post with the most notes? - still to this day its a 29 frame gif of a phone ending call... here
9. how many mutuals do you have? - i counted at the beginning of the year and i believe i had 108? but now obviously its 108+ :D
10. how many followers do you have? - 17.2k+ x-x
11. how many people do you follow? - 544! i remember at one point i wanted to keep the number limited but thats so stupid!!
12. have you ever made a shitpost? - uhhhh probably when i was younger. i used to constantly post #personal text posts so idunno
13. how often do you use tumblr each day? - help me
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - yeah a small amount of times, most would be reposters telling me "no this is my gif i made this! i wont remove this from my blog!" with my watermark clear as day in the corner lol..
15. how do you feel about âyou need to reblog thisâ posts - meh it's your blog at the end of the day, if you want to reblog something do it, if you dont dont. it's sad to see most people just like posts but they come from different platforms and fail to realize what kind of site tumblr is. hopefully eventually they will get it tho! amen
16. do you like tag games? - yes! i love that i get tagged in them but also forget alot of the time to ever get to doing them so i apologize for being late on this one hehe
17. do you like ask games? - plsssss i love seeing that notification light up in my inbox. it fills this bloggers heart with joy.
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - oh i got a few @gojosattoru (where have you been ;w; </3), @hanae-ichihara (ill always miss you <3), DEFINITELY @taohs hehehe
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? - nope, having a crush on here has never happened for me :p
20. what is the last song you listened to? - charli xcx speed drive EASYFUN remix, its sooo gud
21. what are you currently watching? - the magical girl and evil lieun. are archenemies, fairy tail 100 years quest, maybe some other misc. stuff i cant think of rn.
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? - all of the above, i love sweet + spicy
23. what is your current relationship status? - single times *salute emoji*
24. what is your current obsession? - SMILING FRIENDDDSSSS asjdiaoshjdajsid
25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately? - aprils-bloom by julie areyouhome? by juno britpop by A.G. Cook right back by Frost children i like it by Frost children spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth by Caroline Polachek magic sword by 4s4ki tome by veltpunch 365 by charli xcx
tagging: @taohs @cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga @oneechangoddess @yuujies @scary-friend @fuwanek0 and others that wanna have fun
#personal#tag game#oooo this one was nice ilike it#its supa long but ive seen longer posts here but ig i can still tag it#long post
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Iâve slept so much the past few days itâs unreal. Covid hit me like a train. Iâve had it a few times but never like this. Granted my chronic illness/pain/autoimmune shit is way worse now than it was the first times. (Round 1 I lost hearing though so đ) but gosh. Husband being the tea mvp and not being a dick about me sleeping. (He was a turd about my day 3 being awful after day two wasnât so bad. Chronic illness whatmorecanisay) Forced me to get some much needed rest after working tirelessly since getting two jobs. Upset I lost so many days of work. But this week I get 8 hours of overtime so hopefully that makes up for it in some way.
I work the next 7 days so that wonât be great for me to get full recovery. But I don���t have to work at the clinic this week. So thatâs good. Then again maybe I should pick up a day or two. After all itâs just 2 hours a day. Meh.
Got most of Christmas shopping done. What I can afford at least. Hoping to still snag a Lego table if Walmart online stops giving me a hard time. Fingers crossed.
I got nothing for my husband. I really only had two ideas in mind. But bleh. Money. Maybe Iâll just get him a bigger bday present this year.
Dental school reached out to me today to ask if I still wanted to enroll. Which means I need to ask parents if they can still help me like they said they would.
I really didnât think this term would feel right for me. Timeline wise. Everything just felt so stressful. Iâd already be graduated by now if I did the last course term. But now Iâm at the cafe and I donât plan on renewing my Rbt cert at the end of jan. So Iâd be done with that and can just do cafe and school on saturdays. đ¤ˇââď¸ Iâd be done before the end of March (which is when my lease is up) maybe Iâd put us in a better situation to renew our lease or find something better. Internship would be easy peasy to find being that Iâm done with cafe at 2 on weekdays. Hmm now that Iâve written all that out, maybe this is a great time for it. I would miss the cafe though. Iâm having a lot of fun there and my stress levels have plummeted.
Trying to read more. Maybe that can be my ~resolution~ easy enough
I have a lot of big feelings about leaving aba. I miss my texas client dearly. I was so proud of the work I did with them. I made a difference. Ya know? I feel like Iâve done nothing the past year here. Itâs definitely the bcbas. And the therapists. And the clinic in general. I miss inhome therapy. Iâm not sure Iâll go back to aba. Itâs just not the same. I just miss my baby bird.
If you made it this far..damn I should buy you a snack or something. Thanks this has been Briannaâs midnight word vomit.
Coming back an hour later to state that I canât fucking sleep and Iâm very annoyed by it. Just laying here with my eyes closed and nothin is happening.
Maybe Iâll go get a snack. Put on some YouTube sleep video in the living room. Of course my husbands slept on the couch the whole time we were sick and now that heâs actually in bed with me I canât sleep and wanna go to the couch đ
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since i (finally) finished reading wind i thought id give some of my thoughts on it. might be whiny <3
spoilers probably beneath the thing - beware
overall i think itâs ok! (for warriors). itâs definitely getting more interesting from a plot perspective but im personally less invested than i was the first few books and i think it mostly has to do with nightheart and sunbeam. i like them okay and i do think theyâre cute together - and itâs really nice to see a healthy romance front and center in warriors (looking at you bramblestar).
one of my biggest things - which isnât necessarily a criticism of the books but more a personal thing - is that nightheart has become a bit boring since his character arc. i think it was relatively well done and i liked seeing him grow up a bit and grow closer with his clan and family, but heâs just so ⌠meh now. i really liked what a spunky little shit he was at first, it was very fun to read. i wish we got more protags that arenât viewed by the authors as perfect golden boys that can do no wrong - but now he might as well be one.
theyâre getting better at handling squirrelstar - i remember being pretty pissed about how they just completed changed her character at first after she became leader (which happens too much imo) but i think weâre starting to see a little bit of her old self shine through. i especially loved her whole thing with sunbeam when she wanted to see her family. i didnât want to see bland perfect thunderclan leader #4 i wanted to see squirrelflight as a leader. so hopefully theyâre sticking with that.
on that note - this is old news i think but im glad they picked ivypool as deputy. iâm definitely biased (i adore her) but i think sheâs a really interesting character and id love to see her get more spotlight again. (it also fuels my delusions that if we get ivystar weâll maybe get twigbranch as deputy - ill never forgive the authors for abandoning her and violetshine). anyway i think thereâs also a lot of interesting stuff that can be done with ivypool as deputy/ leader especially with dovewing in shadowclan. i know they wonât make her deputy too but imagine ?!!!??
itâs been said many many times but holy shit thereâs too many damn cats now - especially in thunderclan. like jesus christ i canât keep track of them all - i miss when there were like 10ish background characters with their own personalities and dialogue instead of the occasional one liner from whoever the fuck this guy is and nothing from cats that used to be protags/plot relevant (looking at you twigbranch. alderheart.)
i still adore frostpaw and i love how confident in herself sheâs become. honestly i want more of her. the nightheart and sunbeam (especially) chapters dragged a bit for me. she probably had the same amount of screen time (page time?) as she did in previous books but it felt like less this time to me.
thereâs just. not a lot going on. which is saying something for me cause i could read an encyclopediaâs worth of just fun character dialogue and no action - but weâre not getting much of either. it just feels a lot less charming than earlier books/series. it might just be me growing up but i just read avos for the first time this year and i ate that shit up. it feels a lot of the time like theyâre just padding this shit out to meet the page count. like if you only need four books to tell this arcâs story you know you can do that right ???
like fr what happened in this book actually plot wise - splashtail is leader now. frostpaw is in shadowclan. berryheart and fam are rogues and hurt and sunbeam is worried about them. frostpaw is slowly convincing people sheâs not a liar. she and puddleshine see splashtail being shady. frostpaw saves windclan(???) and then they spy on river clan some more and watch him kill harelight. maybe iâm being silly but it just - thatâs not like. a story. but at least something happened i guess, like itâs moving along. i miss the park.
some little things that they would never do that would make things a little better (to me):
- frostpaw and whistlepaw. enough said. would fix all my qualms forever.
- give splashtail a personality?? he just seems like a very generic villain too similar to the others weâve gotten. just a tigerstar/hawkfrost rehash. give him something new !! at least make him more charming and manipulative, dont just lead with the whole fear/intimidation thing again. he just comes off as brash and a bit stupid which is fine but not that exciting
- more mothwing??? like theyâre hinting that mothwing is connecting the dots between this situation and hawkfrost but i want more !! give her the chance to right things this time! i wanna see her beat that little shit up!!! a lot of people think sheâs going to be riverclanâs new leader and i wouldnât be mad about that - i do love her - but i also think icewing would be a fun fresh choice
- shadowsight and frostpaw friendship. i mean come on!!!!
anyway iâm sure i could go on forever but thatâll do. sorry im sure that was extremely negative and ranty but no oneâs gonna read this anyway!!!
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i think i might be one of the few alicent stans whos not a fan of some of her stans deflecting all responsibility for aegon. the reaction of her stans is understandable since viewers are as expected choosing to single her out as some kind of despoiler of her children (especially since this ep was viserys pov/pain heavy) but entirely deflecting any responsibility is IMO both wrong and also boring. ik the trope of abuse victim afflicting abuse on others(their children is tired but i cant help being endlessly compelled by alicents dynamics with all 3 (hopefully 4 soon lol) of her children. love hearing your thoughts on hotd and alicent especially
no, i get it. i mean, obviously, alicent's parenting and just the way she behaves has had an effect on her children. with aegon, it's especially true because of how young she was. not only was she inexperienced in taking care and bonding with a child, esp one born under those circumstances, but she suffered and suffers from anxiety and we've seen her dissociate not just when viserys was using her, but also sometimes when she's with her children.
i'm pretty sure alicent had behaviors and coping mechanisms that affected all of her children, and like i said that is esp true for aegon because i think it was a little hard on her the first time, to be with child, and then it got a little easier, and she knew more. in fact, we often see that in real life. mothers do better with younger children and although it's not always the case some children do, rightfully so i guess, develop ill feelings for the parents because of the difference in parenting.
but anyway yeah, i agree. and on top of that having an absentee father is bound to affect the kids too. and with viseyrs admitting he never loved them... children feel that. they pick up on it.
definitely, aegon, aemond and helaena didn't have stellar parents, and perhaps there are times when rhaenyra was warmer and kinder and more understanding with her children, but they also had different circumstances.
i do think alicent loves them very much, even aegon, despite the horrible things that he did and is doing, because some mothers just hold that in their heart, she's definitely made and is currently making mistakes with them, and there's a number of factors that play in how she deals with what aegon is doing, but yeah.
she was pretty hard on aegon because she feared for him and expected of him the most. he was the oldest, supposed to be rhaenyra's first contester with his mere existance, as we see in ep 3, and she put a lot of pressure on him, but also... there should have been more active parenting. it's hard because i believe young men of that time, especially princes, do have some sort of liberty that they get, and there's a lot of boys will be boys in that society, so idk to what extent she should have allowed aegon to drink because obviously that's one problem.
but at the end of the day some of it is aegon himself at least. at some point you are old enough to take decisions and it cannot always be your mother's fault.
as a sidenote many think alicent did something to helaena or the like to make helaena flinch. i go with the headcanon that helaena is autistic and a dreamer and had a different experience growing up and she isn't just so open to touch when she's young but when she's older we see that changes.
i really wish alicent would have made better choices with aegon. and i wish aegon would have made better choices with aegon. and this sudden change in narrative, where aegon is no longer just morally grey against rhaenyra has kind of made me feel a bit meh tbh
thank you very much for the ask! sorry for rambling for so long!
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How Does Eating Humans Work?
Hello, Gotou here. Weâre shamelessly borrowing from the format of a KnY Fanbook #2 comic to launch an investigation into demon metabolism and development by crossing the Sanzu River again to interview demons in the underworld. While weâll be using canon materials as a base, the analysis and conjecture herein is personal, so we ask for your understanding. Also, please note that consuming any food in the underworld will make you unable to return, and we cannot promise your safety even though the interview subjects are dead, so please come along at your own risk.
Some of the questions weâd like to answer are, why do demons need to eat humans? How much do they need to eat to survive? Are there factors that influence how eating humans makes them stronger? If they donât want to kill humans, what are their other options? Weâve rounded up some special guests below the cut (hidden for length and grossness), everyone from the lowly Temple Demon to the lovely Tamayo, to see what their actions in canon might tell us.
First, a review of what canon tells us, mostly as summarized in Fanbook #2: 1. With one exception named Yushirou, all demons were created by Kibutsuji Muzan, for his own purposes. They all have some amount of his blood, and can be divided into four classes depending on how powerful they are. From top to bottom, the Upper Moons, the Lower Moons, demons with special abilities, and other demons without any special characteristics. 2. Demons may be stronger depending on how much of Kibutsuji Muzanâs blood they have. Most beingsâ cannot handle a large amount of his blood, and it will rupture the cells and that being will die, but there are demons who adapt well to it. 3. Typically, sunlight is the only way to kill a demon, by either bathing them in sunlight or cutting of their head with a Nichirin blade. However, there are powerful demons for whom chopping off their head does not work, and if itâs strong enough, demons can also be killed by wisteria poison.
4. Demons eat human blood and flesh. The more they eat, the stronger they become, and the faster their regenerative abilities become. Some humans have âMarechi,â a rare blood type, which is especially nutritious to demons, and eating one Marechi is the equivalent of eating several humans.
Thatâs an interesting thing weâd like to come back to, especially since weâre looking for quantitative information about how demons gain nutrition (though I have my doubts we'll get enough for statistical analysis). As an interesting note, Fanbook #2 also tells us that if demons try to consume the same edibles humans do, theyâll vomit it back up.
Iâm told that Miss Tamayo drinks tea, though. Thatâll be an interesting question for later. In my notes, it seems sheâs also explained to Tanjirou back in Chapter 15 that demons will normally go berserk if they go a long time without consuming any blood or flesh. Berserk is one thing, but I wonder if they can starve to death? Weâll see if these canon clues will lead us to anything. Weâll begin now in an interview format. Hopefully this will go smoothly, but Iâve got a feeling it wonât. First up, weâve the Temple Demon.
Temple: Who were you calling âlowlyâ just now? Up there, above the cut?
Gotou: That was in a literal sense, not having Blood Techniques means youâre in the bottom common tier of demons.
Temple: Argh. Fine. What do you want to know?
Gotou: In Chapter 2, you were spotted with three human victims. However, it seems you left their bodies mostly intact and only ate small parts instead of consuming one full human at a time. Could you comment on this?
Temple: Iâd have gotten to more later if that whelp with the strong legs didnât interrupt me! Whoâs got time to eat entire humans anyway? I went for the easy stuff first.
Gotou: I see. It appears you might had focused on key organs, like the heart and the liver. Would you say these are especially nutritionally dense?
Temple: I guess. If Iâm going to eat humans, Iâm going to start with whatâs worth bothering to digest. Bloodâs easier on the stomach, so thatâs what I was busy with on the lady there.
Gotou: Then it takes effort to digest? Hmm. Letâs come back to this later. How many humans would you say you consumed, including these three?
Temple: Not a lot⌠I tried to get a variety so I could get stronger faster, butâŚ
Gotou: Iâll put down a guess as ten or less. Letâs move on to someone who has a sharper memory for numbers. One of our longer-lived guests at Mt. Fujikasane for 47 years, the Hand Demon. While most of the demons on the mountain had only eaten two or three humans, youâve eaten a whole 50 of the children who headed into the Final Selection, didnât you?
Hand: Yes, thatâs right. It was hard at first since I wasnât very strong, and the demons usually all went crazy there eating each other, just like that one brat who got away in Chapter 7 said. If you could manage to kill any of the kids, you had the other demons to fight off to even get a piece to yourself. That was enough to get me by, and stronger, little by little. Your body learns to make your meals last, and make the most of what you can get. I usually only had a bite of one child a year, can you imagine how horrible that was? Most demons who survive usually figure out some way to develop and survive better, and once my cells found something that worked for me, I kept doing it. I got really good at snatching away prey from other demons, and soon enough I was a bigger threat than any of them. None of them could, you might say, lay a hand on me.
Gotou: Thatâs an interesting point about self-development. A demon named Nezuko was spent two years doing that in her sleep.
Hand: She must have had a big meal before that!
Gotou: Well, anyway. It seems that in near starving conditions, your metabolism made the most of what you had, leading to the most efficient use of whatever food was available to you.
Hand: Thatâs right, I got really good at it. Wasnât always pretty, but I made it work. I got to a point where I could go two years without eating and still keep my wits about me while the other demons were going mad. But I chose to eat. I liked to keep my appetite for specific children.
Gotou: That smile is not reassuring. Some humans taste better than others, I guess?
Hand: Thatâs for sure. This one kid tasted awful, like rust and man sweat! I still donât have that disgusting taste out of my mouth! But he was one of my more satisfying meals, so I ate more of him.
Gotou: Then why would you⌠nevermind, I donât like that smile, no further questions. While I had hoped to keep these interviews focused on quantities of humans consumed, it does seem personal taste is worth asking about. I had tried to invite a Swamp Demon from Chapter 11, but it kept arguing with itself and it felt like Iâd be wasting my time. The one definite thing I learned was that this demon is picky, with a distinct preference for 16-year-old girls. Based on the number of trinkets he kept, it seems he had consumed at least seventeen of them, including several in one town. Sheesh, thatâs sort of a rough mission to send a first-timer on. Iâve got a more cooperative guest here to discuss her tastes, a Snake Demon who, according to Chapter 188, has a special taste for baby flesh.
Snake: Thank you for having me here. Itâs good to be appreciated again.
Gotou: Did you only eat babies?
Snake: Goodness, no. Babies are delicious, but they arenât very nutritious. And their skulls certainly arenât that big, the ones I lounged around with were from the people whom I killed and stole from. But you know the nice thing about baby skulls? Theyâre still soft. They take a long time to digest, but I can swallow them whole.
Gotou: Like⌠like a snake, then. Sorry, Iâm a little ill hearing that. Letâs back up, were all those skulls the remains of adults you ate, then?
Snake: Meh, I ate some of them of better-looking ones, but most of them I only killed. I could usually kill a lot more at a time than I could bother eating, my killing record was fifty women all at once.
Gotou: And you didnât find that wasteful?
Snake: Wasteful? Not at all. I wasnât exactly in dire straits, I lived a more luxurious life than most demons do. That meant I could afford to wait for a truly delicious meal, like how you humans might leave something in a slow-cooker to enjoy the perfect combination of doneness and tenderness, plated in the most appetizing of ways.
Gotou: I guess demons and humans are similar in that regard.
Snake: Iâm so glad you can relate! Then you understand the frustration of a meal youâve be preparing for years opening up the slow-cooker and running away right when they were just about done.
Gotou: I have never had that experience.
Snake: Iâll get you, my pretty. And your little snake, too.
Gotou: I think we might have gotten a little off-topic here. It does seem digesting humans comes with some difficulty. Iâd like to invite the Drum Demon in next. Your name is Kyougai, I hear?
Kyougai: !!
Gotou: Kyogai, right?
Kyougai: Youâve heard of me! You know my name!
Gotou: I happened to, yes.
Kyougai: What have you heard???
Gotou: That you were kicked out of the Lower Moons for being unable to consume enough humans.
Kyougai: Oh. âŚâŚ..yeah, thatâs me.
Gotou: I thought demons go berserk if they go a long time without consuming humans. Wouldnât that make an inability to consume them problematic?
Kyougai: It wasnât that I couldnât eat them! Like I said in Chapter 24, I had to in order to sustain myself, just like any other demon. But, at some point, I couldnât eat as much as I used to. That happens to humans too, doesnât it? When you just canât stomach anymore?
Gotou: You mean like when youâve overeaten? In a humanâs case that feeling may go away within a few hours.
Kyougai: Sort of like that, but you know, humans reach a time when nothing is appetizing or the thought of eating makes them feel sick, right? Isnât that the human condition?
Gotou: âŚuh⌠maybe if they have a medical condition? Or anxiety? Do demons get anxiety? Or eating disorders?
Kyougai: I⌠I donât know. I just wasnât good enough.
Gotou: I think itâs plenty good if you stopped eating humans. Though to have developed Blood Techniques and been a Lower Moon in the first place, you must had eaten a great number of them.
Kyougai: You think Iâm great?
Gotou: What?
Kyougai: No, sorry, I was getting ahead of myself. Itâs true, I used to be able to eat as many as the other Lower Moons always consumed. Our stomachs were stronger, you might say. Demons got strong by eating humans, and then the more you did that the better you usually got at it, so the strong ones would eat more and more and keep getting stronger and stronger. At least, thatâs how it usually worked. Iâve seen other demons below me reached that point too, where they feel the drive to eat, but then they have trouble digesting it for a long time, so they donât wind up eating that many people.
Gotou: Then it would make sense to eat the most nutritionally dense parts first.
Kyougai: Or a Marechi.
Gotou: Yes, or a Marechi.
Kyougai: It was a great idea, wasnât it?
Gotou: I cannot condone any consumption of humans as a good idea.
Kyougai: I knew it. Iâm nothing. Go ahead, stomp all over everything I ever tried to accomplish.
Gotou: I think Iâm going to move on to my next interviewee now. It looks like weâve got⌠oh, would you look at this? Lower Moon One. Enmu, I believe.
Enmu: You can believe whatever you want. Iâm happy to help.
Gotou: I donât need any help, thanks. Iâm curious, since you were one of the stronger demons out there, it seems you had a stronger capacity for consuming humans.
Enmu: I did, I was always careful and paced myself so the Demon Slayers wouldnât notice me. I took my time. I liked to enjoy e-e-e-a-c-h one.
Gotou: Then you had tastes too? Like babies, or 16-year-old girls?
Enmu: I could season any human to my liking. Theyâre all very easy to prepare.
Gotou: Iâm still trying to get quantitative data. Can you tell me at least a rough estimate of how many humans you consumed?
Enmu: I told this more precisely to that boy with the earrings back in Chapter 59, and I can tell you this too. At my best, I could had eaten over two-hundred people at once if I took my time.
Gotou: OH MY GAW----sorry, I dropped my pen. Two hundred, at once?
Enmu: Yes. If I had just. Had. A little. More. Time.
Gotou: Clearly there is a huge difference between what common demons are capable of and what the Twelve Moons are capable of.
Daki: Psh, those were all any random common people. Thatâs nothing to brag about.
Gotou: Excuse me, and you are?
Daki: Daki, Upper Moon Six. You want something really impressive, you talk to the Upper Moons.
Gotou: Iâm sorry, I donât see you on my list.
Daki: What! Your list is stupid. Look me in the eyes, Iâm Upper Moon Six!
Gotou: Very well, then. What can you tell me about your diet, Miss Upper Moon Six?
Daki: Thatâs more like it. Itâs true that digestion takes a while, and takes some effort. Even though we Upper Moons may have eaten hundreds of people in our lifetimes, itâs not as if we gorge ourselves. The clever ones among us save prey for later to eat when we feel ready for it.
Gotou: Food storage? How do you keep them fresh?
Daki: You leave them still alive, numbskull. Nobody wants to eat something cold, thatâs gross.
Gotou: I see, so thatâs why demons prefer to go after new kills instead of saving what theyâve already managed to kill. That also might explain why the demons on Mt. Fujikasane wouldnât had eaten many humans, if they found long dead ones in edible.
Daki: You want to know the real secret to eating humans? You can eat what you find tastes good, sure. But to get stronger, you eat strong people. Like your Corp members, the ones besides chumps like you? Using all that Breath makes their muscles really lean and potent, itâs like they come offering themselves as protein bars for us.
Gotou: You make them sound like a fad dietâŚ
Daki: The real secret is eating Pillars. Besides Marechi, theyâre the strongest meals out there. Guess how many Iâve eaten?
Gotou: I donât have the data to make an educated guess.
Daki: Then get educated! Look back at Chapter 88! Iâve eaten seven Pillars, and my brother has eaten fifteen!
Gotou: Your brother? Who is he, then, Upper Moon Five?
Daki: What? Ew. Gross. Gross! No way, ew!
Gotou: Hmm⌠eating Pillars, huh? Well, I can think of one Pillar who wasâŚ
Douma: Me too!
Gotou: Speak of the devil.
Douma: Actually, we Upper Moons can! And he's not Satan, that's not how this works. But I guess Muzan-samaâs curse doesnât effect us now. Ask me anything you want!
Gotou: That Chapter 143 reference was such a rude entrance. I understand that Pillars are particularly nutritiousâ
Douma: Oh, please donât misunderstand! I donât even eat all the Pillars Iâve encountered. There was the one Flower Pillar who got away from me, but some of the boy pillars I just leave around. Whatâs really the key to consistent nutritional intake is women! Itâs really unhealthy for a demon not to get enough women in their diet, thatâs why even if youâre only looking for Marechi or Pillars, your metabolism is going to get thrown out of whack with sudden big meals. You grow a stronger metabolism with consistency, I believe!
Gotou: If I could stop you there, I had an image from Chapter 142 I preferred to focus on for this case study. I see you keep a wide collection of skulls, from victims whom I assume you ate.
Douma: Yes, they all stayed together inside me for eternity, but the room looked lonely without dĂŠcor.
Gotou: It seems other demons usually go for nutritionally dense organs like hearts or livers, or easy to digest parts of the body, perhaps just blood sometimes. Eating the entire victim, bones and all, doesnât seem to be the norm.
Douma: Bones are organs too, you know! Thatâs where blood is made, at its freshest. They do take more practice in learning to digest, and I had to find a way around not having to chew them, but the bone marrow is very, very good for you, so I make sure to consume it frequently. It may take more time and it causes some of my followers to panic more while they wait, though, thatâs a bit of a downside. Oh, and I guess bones can make good storage for some sneaky poison. Even fingernails and hair follicles, whoâd have thought?
Gotou: I donât think hair would have much nutritional value in the first place. In all my years, I can never recall seeing a victim with their hair eaten.
Douma: Tsk, tsk! Clearly you havenât done much metabolism research in advance. I was really impressed by how well Shinobu-chan understood how my digestion would work. Eating hair can do amazing things! Isnât that right, Genya-kun?
Genya: ?????????
Gotou: Genya-kun!?
Genya: What am I doing here?
Gotou: I donât think youâre supposed to be here. Isnât there, you know, another side? The other direction?
Genya: What are you doing here? Did you die?
Gotou: Iâm here doing research on demon metabolism and how they get stronger by consuming flesh.
Douma: What can you tell us about what up with having your friend feed you hair you found on the floor in Chapters 170-171, Genya-kun?
Genya: Iâm not a demon!! Why the hell are you asking me?
Douma: âHellâ! Haha, good one!
Gotou: How do you even know about that? You were dead almost a full volume before that. And Genyaâs different, heâs not a case study in how demons consuming humans works!
Douma: Are you certain?
Gotou: I hear the term get thrown around a lot that heâs âhalf-demonâ, butâ
Genya: Iâm not a demon!!!
Gotou: --how would that even work? That would imply that one of his parents had to be a demon, and thatâ
Genya: What did you say about my mother!?!
Gotou: What? Nothingâ
Genya: You say that to my face! You just trying saying something about my mother to my face! My mother never actually ate any flesh, you got that? She doesnât deserve any of this!
Gotou: Genya, calm down, whatâ
Douma: I see weâre learning nothing about hair at all. Maybe Kokushibou-dono would provide better commentary on that?
Genya: Mom? Mo-o-o-o-m? Are you down here somewhere?
Gotou: And there he goes⌠wait, did you say Kokushibou? Upper Moon One? Oh noâheâhe didnât want me bothering him, he did not agree to another interviewâ
Douma: He-e-e-e-e-y, Kokushibou-dono! How did that work with Genya-kun eating your hair? Hair can be nutritious, right?
Kokushibou: You would gain⌠nothing⌠from consuming human hair⌠itâs not⌠flesh⌠you wasted your energy digesting itâŚ
Douma: Aww, cutting it off them would had been sad, though.
Kokushibou: Demon hair⌠like demon weapons⌠is made⌠from our unique cells. Itâs not dead⌠like human locks. Because that boy ate my live cells⌠it affected himâŚ
Gotou: Yes, because he had a very, very unique metabolism, analyzed separately in this post. To be perfectly clear, Genya is completely human with cells that could temporarily transform, and he never consumed human flesh.
Kokushibou: He⌠vexes meâŚ
Gotou: Um⌠while Iâve got you here, youâre one of the longest lived demons, clocking in at over three, maybe four centuries. Do you have any estimate of how many humans youâve consumed?
Kokushibou: âŚâŚI see in⌠Chapter 100⌠that you are 23 years old?
Gotou: That is correct.
Kokushibou: Do you bother⌠remembering how many meals⌠youâve had in a mere 23 years?
Gotou: Iâm very sorry to have bothered you.
Douma: Kokushibou-donoâs ancient compared to the rest of us! But if I tried, I could probably recall. Letâs see. One, two, three, fourâŚ
Gotou: Is that? Your finger in your brain? Ohâohhhâthat is disgusting---I really donât need to know numbers that badly, please stop. Is there maybe just some average you can give me for the Upper Moons instead? Like how many youâd eat in a month?
Douma: I wish I could, but a certain someone was an annoying outlier and didnât like to eat so many humans. He made me worry all the time about his health.
Gotou: Really? Who might that be?
Douma: Hello-o-o-o-o-? Akaza-dono? Yoohoo! He spends all his time with his wife now and never answers when I call, it makes me so sad. Akaza-dono did eat humans, plenty of strong ones, but any time he wasnât under orders from Muzan he liked to spend his time training instead of eating. Fanbook #1 says he did that way more than eating!
Gotou: Training? What sort of training?
Douma: Similar things to what your Corp members did, I imagine. Doing squats, throwing punches, things like that.
Gotou: Then demon muscles had similar function to human muscles, and could be strengthened through hard work? Thatâs surprising.
Douma: I know, right? Iâll let you in on a secret, I donât think it was the physically repetition that did anything. I think it was his willpower getting honed and shaping his muscles.
Douma: I had to focus when I acquired new skills too, like breaking down poisons. A lot of sad, lowly demons, like that Hand Demon fellow? They focus as hard as they can in their desperation, or focus on some strong emotion or attachment or whatever, and they grow and develop because of it. Sometimes all their weak bodies can manage is an ugly mutation, but thatâs proof enough of how much focus they had.
Gotou: That sheds a lot of light on Nezuko, actually.
Douma: Shed âlightâ on Nezuko-chan, hahaha! Sunlight! You humans are all so witty!
Gotou: Speaking of willpower, Iâve got one more interview I need to get to down here. Of all the demons I have records of, only Nezuko went her whole time as a demon without consuming any human flesh, although she did go through moments of berserk cravings for it. Itâs possible that other demons were killed before they could consume anything, but typically they will consume flesh as soon as possible, which is why its common for their family and close relations to be among the first ones killed. Tomioka-san even mentioned in Chapter 1 that these close relations are especially nutritious.
Gotou: A demon about as old as Kokushibou, if not older, is a special case of her own. She was one of the only demons we know of to have escaped Kibutsujiâs curse and acted in dependently of him, including having created a demon of her own after two hundred years of trying. Most notably to our purposes, she trained herself to subsist on small amounts of blood, after having survived on corpses and wild animals for a time, according to the extensive Taisho Secrets at the end of Volume 21.
Tamayo: I explained this in more detail to Tanjirou-san in Chapter 15, but I went on to purchase blood from poor people, and extracted it in ways that wouldnât be harmful to them. The one demon I created, Yushirou, could subsist on even less. I gained enough self-control that I could treat injured humans without feeling tempted into a berserk state.
Gotou: I was just talking to Douma about willpower making demons capable of accomplishing new physical developments. Was that how you were able to gain this state? I heard you even enjoy a cup of tea now and then.
Tamayo: Yes, Iâve taken a liking to it. Iâd offer you some if not for this, you know, being hell. Itâs nothing like the hell I went through when first resisting consuming humans, though. My demon body refused to take anything but fresh human flesh at first, but in the hardest moments, I always remembered a kind demon hunter who said he believed in me and my desire to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. I believe Nezuko may have summoned her strength to resist the call of her demon cells in a similar way; she knew she had her brother there to rely on. Once she mastered something as remarkable as resisting the need for human flesh, it gave her the freedom to prioritize other developments.
Gotou: You spent centuries researching demon cells, especially how demons may break down and metabolize poisons.
Tamayo: I had not studied the metabolism of poisons until working with Shinobu-san. The medicine we concocted for Kibutsuji was only possible thanks to her work, and I couldnât had worked with many of those wisteria-based substances on my own. I feel I was only there to fill in the gaps of her brilliant understanding.
Gotou: Youâre very humble. I would pass along my thanks and compliments to Shinobu-sama too, but Iâm pretty sure sheâs not down here. On that note, did Genya-kun go back home?
Tamayo: He did after a nice reunion with his mother just now, it was very sweet. Shizu-san and I get along well, after all, we both carry similar guilt.
Gotou: Wait, was his mother a demon? That means Wind-samaâs mother was too? Wait?? What??
Tamayo: The worst hell I went through, or that any demon has gone through, is to realize what youâve eaten after the hunger-driven madness clears. Being similar to your own cells, theyâre easy on a volatile new anatomy to break down and digest. Thatâs why many demons may have driven themselves to forget everything all over again, or to twist their personalities to justify the horror, saying that because they ate the hearts of their loved ones and because demon flesh can live forever, then they never truly killed them. The truth always remained untwisted for me, and to this day, it torments me more than anything in this underworld can try.
Gotou: âŚ
Tamayo: You should wake up now, Gotou. Youâve been through a lot; the nightmares must be taxing on your health. Please remember to eat well.
#kny fandom theories and meta#too many characters to tag#I wrote this draft early last week and only this morning had time to edit it but it took foreeeevvvverrr on my slow computer#now off to work#eat well everybody#I'm off to work#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer
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Song lyrics as writing prompts Wintersberg edition
Prompt: "I'm always tired, it's just a habit."
Song: I'm Always Tired by Weathers
Rules: meh, some lyrics maybe?
Theme: exhaustion
my response:
It's a quarter to three, Ethan is still rolling in bed. He's been staring at the digital clock on the nightstand on and off since he lay down. Rose is on the other bed, surrounded by pillows in a makeshift crib. Ethan would prefer to keep her within arms reach. But he knows she wouldn't be able to sleep next to him in this state, sheâs barely out now, shifting and fussing every few minutes in her sleep. It may have something to do with the traumatic events of the past few days, but he knows it's at least partially because he's so tense. Kids are intuitive like that, and Rose has been ill at ease every since Miranda came into their lives masquerading as Mia. Ethan feels guilty that his inability to calm down and rest is keeping Rose from doing the same, and that's probably only making it worse.
Ethan sits up on the bed, he sets his booted feet down on the floor and leans forward on his knees. He still has his jacket and jeans on. The bed creaks but Rose doesn't seem to notice. He takes a moment to review his surroundings, the door is locked with a chair propped under the handle, a lot of good that will do if the bsaa shows up with a battering ram. He's positioned himself between Rose and the door, his gun is in the top drawer of the nightstand, safety's on. His knife is in it's holster tucked under his pillow. And now he's sitting in the dark, staring at the closed door, waiting for something to come crashing through. There's not much more he can do than that.
He rubs the back of his neck and takes as deep a breath as he can. Holds it for a few seconds, and lets it out in a heavy sigh. For a moment the room feels dead silent, all he can hear is Rose's shaking breaths, she's clearly having a bad dream. Ethan contemplates picking her up, but decides it would probably just upset her further. His body seems to grow heavier at the thought, he hangs his head listening closely to Roses breathing in the quiet of the motel room, until he hears a sound that nearly makes him jump out of his skin
It sounded like someone knocking on the door, but who could be looking for them at this time of night? or at all for that matter? Ethan instinctively pulls his knife from under the pillow and looks around the darkened room, breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his chest, until . . .
*knock knock knock*
The sound repeats, it's just a soft thudding, like it was barely meant to be heard. Ethanâs eyes land on the sliver of light coming from under the door and he realizes that the sound isn't coming from the front door, it's the door to the adjoining room. Ethan takes another deep breath and tries to settle his nerves, he had almost forgotten that the door was there. it hadn't even occurred to him to worry about it as he surveyed all the potential threats and points of entry a few moments ago. he stares at the sliver of light under the door, he can see the shadow of the man on the other side, he's not moving and he's already knocked twice, so it seems unlikely that he's just going to go away. But what could he possibly want at this hour?
Ethan stands up slowly in an attempt to minimize mattress creaking and pads quietly to the door, he considers for a moment before clicking on the lamp on the far side of the room, Rose has never had trouble sleeping with the lights on before. he gently unlatches the door and opens it slowly.
Karl Heisenberg stands on the opposite side leaning casually on the doorframe as he waits, like Ethan he only has the clothes he was wearing when he left the village, though he's looking far more put together now. The smell of overly scented hotel soaps and shampoo along with the errant air dried curls and waves of his hair give away the fact that he's freshly showered. Ethan was caught a little off guard by the sight, Heisenberg's hat and trenchcoat were conspicuously absent, his unkempt hair and relaxed stance seemed so humanizing, almost endearing.
Ethan was so taken aback by the sight that for a second he failed to notice that the Lord was looking at him over the rim of his glasses with a raised brow.
"Are you trying to outmaneuver a lycan or a small child? because I'm pretty sure her hearing isn't nearly as sensitive as mine"
Heisenberg spoke with an expressive yet soft voice.
If Ethan hadn't been paying attention, he wouldn't have even known he was being insulted. Still, he looked over to where Rose was to check on her, but she didn't seem bothered by the other mans voice at all. He sighed inwardly and decided not to press the issue.
"it's late Heisenberg, what do you want?"
Ethan's words lack venom and betray his exhaustion as he speaks.
"I'm here to offer some respite"
the Lord states matter of factly.
"what?"
"The past three nights you've been awake, either pacing the room or tossing back and forth on the bed, not to mention the kid starts screaming every few hours, so, I know you're exhausted. Because you're making be exhausted."
Ethan scoffed.
"Well, if my daughter and I are so disruptive them maybe you should ask for a different room so you won't have to listen to the lasting effects of an infants psychological trauma."
Ethan knew his response was overly harsh as soon as it came out of his mouth. Heisenberg was paying for their current lodgings with the small fortunes worth of crystals he'd had in his truck when they'd made their escape, and now Ethan was lashing out at him for pointing out that he wasn't sleeping. Ethan shook his head and opened his mouth to apologize but Heisenberg spoke before he got the chance.
"I didn't come here to complain, I came to offer my help, it's been over a week since the crash and the most you've slept since was when you passed out from bloodloss. You must be tired."
"I'm always tired, it's just a habit at this point."
Ethanâs shoulders hung heavy
"But, I can't sleep, not with everything I know now. Besides, who knows if I even need sleep to function anymore anyways."
"You do, I can tell by how bitchy you are without it."
Ethan looked back up from the ground to meet Heisenberg's eyes, he smiled and Ethan had to fight the urge to either laugh or cry, he didn't know which.
"This is your idea of 'helping'?"
"No, my idea was for you to let me watch the kid for a few hours while you get some shut eye, then hopefully you'll be in a better mood when you wake up."
Ethan shakes his head again, he's feeling more exhausted by the second since the start of this conversation
"I get that you want to help, but I can't just leave my daughter alone with someone I barely know."
Heisenberg mulls the fathers words over for a moment before he speaks.
"fine."
he shrugs and pushes past him into the room without another word.
Ethan is swung aside as easily as a door on its hinge and for a moment he isn't quite sure what just happened.
"What are you doing?"
Heisenberg walks past the beds and over to the table. He pulls out one of the chairs and spins it around.
"If you need to watch me while I watch her then fine"
He sits down backwards on the chair at the foot of Rose's bed with his arms folded on the backrest.
"I can keep an eye on her from right here."
Ethan stands in the middle of the room, he tries to find his words but nothing is coming out.
Heisenberg leans forward a little more
"Get some rest papa, who knows, tomorrow might be the day that everything goes to shit all over again, and when that happens you won't be much good to any of us in the state you're in now. So, just let me stand guard for a while."
Ethan can feel his fatigue gripping his bones now, yet there's still that screaming in his head that keeps telling him not to let his guard down. Words come toppling out of his mouth before heâs even stopped to think about them.
"Every time I close my eyes I see all the things that have already tried to come and take her from me, and just as may more that haven't tried yet."
"Do you even know how eyes lie?"
Ethan perked up immediately at the sound of the other mans voice, he hadn't been expecting a response to his musings.
"I spent my entire life surrounded by monsters that most sane people couldn't even fathom, and yet every night when I tried to sleep I'd be convinced that something far worse was coming for me."
Ethanâs not sure how long he stared at Heisenberg after he spoke, but it seemed to be long enough to make him regret sharing.
The Lord rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist with a dismissive showmanship
"Which is to say that you're not special, you just have the luxury of knowing you're not completely paranoid. Since people and creatures like that are in fact out to get you."
Ethan smiles and a soft laugh escapes him. As the sound reverberates through him he starts to realize just how deep this full body ache has sunk in. He takes a seat on the foot of his bed, too tired to stand anymore. He leans forward on his knees again weighing his options.
"Okay."
He finally speaks
"But no smoking around Rose, if you want to light up then go outside."
Heisenberg nods.
"Noted. But I'm not going anywhere"
Ethan falls back onto the bed as quietly as he can muster and doesn't bother trying to move from that spot.
"Night Heisenberg"
He mumbles as he quickly drifts off.
"Good night Winters"
Ethan wakes a few hours later to the sound of Rose fussing, it's still dark with the single dim lamp in the corner serving as the only light source. It's a slow process to dredge his consciousness out of the deep dreamless slumber he'd fallen into. He sees movement as he starts to crack his eyes open, for a man his size, Heisenberg can move in complete silence when he wants to.
Ethan watches through heavily lidded eyes, lying perfectly still as the man moves from his chair to Rosemary's bedside and sits down beside her.
He looks at her pensively and starts to reach with both hands like he's going to pick her up, but seems to think better of it. He sits and watches Rose as she starts to sniffle and wine louder. He starts to rub his hands together slowly, his gloves make a muffled scrubbing noise. They speed up as he leans down over Rose's fortress of pillows.
He reaches out again slowly and presses the palm of his gloved hand down gently on her chest. He waits a moment for her to react and then starts to rub slow circles on her chest. He begins to hum softly and Rose's fussing seems to taper off slowly back into silence
Ethan wonders to himself how Heisenberg could have known or guessed that this gesture would work. But as the soft rumble of Heisenberg's voice drifts into his thoughts he drifts off again.
Ethan doesn't wake again until a streak of sunlight from the crack between the curtains reaches his eyes. He stretches out on the bed and feels the soreness in his muscles, it's still there, but a little less now. He looks at the clock and sees its past noon. He can't remember the last time he slept this long, let alone without being woken by nightmares, either his or his daughters.
Wait, where's Rose then?
Ethan pushed himself up on the bed and looks around the room, he feels an unexpected rush of relief wash over him at the sight of the scruffy rough and tumble Lord stationed at his daughter's bedside.
Heisenberg was asleep, leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the bed, his glasses hung on the neck of his shirt. Apparently at some point in the night he'd moved his seat to position himself between where Rose slept and the door.
Ethan was surprised to see that Heisenberg was still here after at least nine and a half hours, it certainly wasn't the kind of timetable they'd agreed to last night, and who knows how much of that the Lord had actually stayed awake for. Ethan certainly wasn't expecting to sleep for this long, though it wasn't uncommon for Rose, in fact she might sleep another couple of hours if she can.
Which was also surprising, even before the events of their recent history, Rose normally only slept this soundly when someone was holding her. As Ethan turns to face them and his eyes adjust to the modicum of light in the room he realizes why.
Heisenberg's arm is rested on the mattress, one of his leather clad fingers gripped tightly in Rose's little hand.
Ethan feels the corner or his mouth twitch at the sight. The two seemed content the lie. He looks back at the clock, Heisenberg usually slept half the day away anyway. Ethan gets up and walks around to the far side of the bed, he pulls his gun out of the nightstand and checks one more time that its loaded and that the safety is still on. He walks back down to the foot of the bed and sits with himself between the two of them and the door.
He can keep watch until they're ready to get up, he can thank Heisenberg when he wakes. For now he'll wait, he'll make sure their both safe.
#Wintersberg writing prompts#ethan x heisenberg#ethan winters x karl heisenberg#HeisenWinters#wintersberg#why does everything I write end up so long?#edited for typos#molded fam
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Looking back: Part 1 - Primaris Space Marines - Infantry
The excitement for 9th edition has been growing and growing. People are happy with the upcoming units for Space marines, and Xenos fans are rejoicing at the return of the Silent King and the introduction of new Necron units.Â
What I want to do is take a long and hard look at what 8th edition gave us in terms of miniatures.Â
To start of this series, we have to begin with Games Workshopâs favorite poster-boys; The Primaris Space Marines
The Primaris debacle:
If you didnât already know, Games Workshop is somewhat obsessed with Space Marines. This hasnât changed at all in 8th edition. In fact, it kind of got worse.
8th edition introduced us to the new and improved Primaris Space Marines - Extra cool Space Marines.Â
For a lot of people, these were just a lame excuse to resell you an army that most of their costumers had already bought. Lore-wise, they came out of nowhere, and for some they were an affront to what the Imperium stood for: an autocratic, dogmatic and fascist regime that saw innovation and progress as something evil and dangerous.Â
Fortunately, the Primaris have begun to become a little more fleshed out, and hopefully, this will continue for the better in 9th edition.
Before I start my overview, I have to explain my main gripe that I have with the ENTIRE range.
The Helmets:
With their redesign, the Space Marines gained a new pattern of Power Armour. This included a new design for their helmets, and I absolutely hate it. Gone is the iconic respirator, and instead we get a return of the Mark IV helmet, A.K.A. my least favorite pattern of the range.Â
Kitbashers prove my point. The Mark VII is so much better looking on the new range. They look proper evil and merciless.
So always keep in mind that with every model in this range, I will have the same complaint; I donât like the design of their helmet.
Intercessors:
The Primaris line was a way for the design team to re-imagine the space marines in a new way. Their size got updated to what might be considered âTru-scaleâ and lore-wise, they gained a better crafted kit than their predecessors. Though what they gained in upgrades, they lost in group flexibility.Â
Intercessors are equipped with Bolt rifles, which are basically slightly upgraded Boltguns. These can be retrofitted in the usual way with scopes or under-slung grenade launchers.Â
Lore-wise, Intercessors take a surprisingly defensive role, mostly described as using suppressive fire to slowly advance to a position or hold the line. Â
Their design, specifically their proportions, is what many expected the actual proportions of a space marine to be. They are hulking masses of power armour that should dwarf humans easily. The original Space Marines were a little âill-proportionedâ and the new Primaris have fixed that issue very well.Â
One complaint Iâve seen appear is the fact that Intercessors lack the ornateness and religious aspects that the old marines had. If youâd actually compare them with Tactical Marines, it kind of shows that this isnât the case.Â
In fact, it just shows that normal Space Marines arenât that ornate to begin with.Â
Intercessors are a good re-imagining of the Tactical Marines and share the same feel that their predecessors have. What the Intercessors lack is just their weapon options.
7/10
Hellblasters:
The Primaris doctrine seems to hark back to the olden days before the Horus Heresy. Instead of the highly adaptable formations that we see in the Tactical Squads or the Devastator Squads, the Primaris decide instead to have specialized squads.
So while the Intercessors favor trusty bolt weapons, the Hellblasters make use of the the Plasma Incinerator: an improved version of the Plasma Gun that doesnât overheat unless its fired in its overcharged setting. Hellblasters have the role of providing covering fire, similar to Devastators. Â
The Plasma Incinerator is what makes this my favorite unit from the mainline army. It is such an improvement in design over that of the Plasma Gun. It makes for a great silhouette and the miniature looks more powerful because of it.
9/10
Reivers:
Reivers are part of the Vanguard line of Primaris troops; units specifically designed for long covert and stealth operations.Â
(The rest of the Vanguard will be looked at in a future post.)Â
Reivers themselves act like terror troops; sneaking into combat before yelling âOOGA BOOGAâ and murdering everyone in the room like an Eversor Assassin.Â
Primaris power armour has a very interesting quirk. It comes in different variants that can be mixed and matched to serve a certain role. Reivers and most of the vanguard line use Phobos Armour; a pattern that is lighter, more lightly armoured and features servos that allow it to be almost silent in combat. It features Grav-Chutes, which allows Reivers to safely descend from heights, similar as to what Elysian Drop-Troopers utilize.
They go into battle with Bolters and over-sized knives. They can also take a Grapling Hook, so they can cosplay as their favourite DC hero. The skull helmet they wear has an in built voice amplifier, allowing their battle chants to turn into a police sound cannon. They basically stole the idea from Eldar Howling Banshees.Â
The poses from the âEasy-to-buildâ kit are just ugly, but their other kit fixes that issue. I still am not sure about the skull helmet, and wouldâve preferred a better way to visualize their voice-amplifiers. I kind of like the Phobos pattern, but I do have some gripes with it, such as the exposed metal abs(?) they have.Â
6/10
Aggressors:
I really donât hope this is what will replace Terminators.
Aggressors are a fire support unit that slowly advances while providing covering fire from mid to close range. They wear Gravis Armour, which is the more heavily reinforced variant of the Mark X. They have Power Fists that have either Flamers or Bolters attached to them, and some are equipped with shoulder mounted grenade launchers.
Gravis Armour is my least favourite of the three patterns and Aggressors are my main reason for it. They look very clunky and are way too cluttered with weapons. I donât like the rounded design as well. It looks like they would take one step and then fall face first into the dirt. Even the artwork doesnât do them justice and makes their over-sized armaments even more over-sized. A wider belly and smaller gauntlets wouldâve fixed this unitâs design.
4/10
Inceptors:
Remember the intro of the Space Marine video game? Captain Titus leaping off a Thunderhawk and flying through an air battle to land on an Ork ship? Inceptors do just that, landing in the thick of the battle, with guns in both hands like B.J. Blazkowicz.
They are equipped with either Plasma Guns or Assault Bolters, and fly through the air with an over-sized jump-pack. To soften their landing, they have these funny looking boot plates, so that they donât die during the impact.
If the boot plates werenât a thing, I would have no qualms with this unit. Their version of the Gravis Armour is what I wouldâve preferred the Aggressors to have. They also look like they would actually do well in low gravity environments, such as space battles. What I like most about them is the fact that they seemingly resemble Assault Marines from the artwork of Rogue Trader.
Games Workshop has kind of gone back to looking at Rogue Trader, and figuring out how certain aspects of it could fit back into 40k. Iâm 100% behind that trend and want more of it.
7/10
-----------------------
The Primaris range is already massive and Iâm separating the range into different parts. So far though, it has been a varied bag of good and meh. I do want to keep these varied, so next up, Iâm going to tackle a different army; the Death Guard...
#warhammer 40k#warhammer 40000#Space Marines#Review#8th edition#Range overview#Primaris Space Marines#Primaris#infantry#warhammer#rating#Adeptus Astartes
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I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me đľ
-What the hell was that.
Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.
-Why did you start an update at all.
Because itâs time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and Iâm already a month late.
-But nothing interesting is happening.Â
Thatâs never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.
-Ugh please, I couldnât be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible.Â
Did she ever reply?Â
-She did once and said âwho disâ. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out âdo wishâ, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just donât know where it all went wrong.Â
-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe youâve had enough neat whiskey for the night? Weâre actually running out of bottles.Â
-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. Iâve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.
Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.
-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all âOMG ITâS SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HERâ. Life-ruining-moron.Â
But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, thatâs not a good argument.
-Look what I can do even though Iâve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???
-Youâre paying for all these broken glasses, Iâm going to need your name and a credit card.
-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-
-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT
Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when youâre down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, thereâs a new Joker on the prowl.Â
-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?
-Aha.
-Would you mind settling your bill now?
-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because weâre super duper best friends! I love my parents! They donât care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.
Feeling better?
-Well itâs hard to feel bad when youâre spending your parentsâ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.
It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.
-Whatâs the rush? What is going to happen if I donât go home, my parents will get worried? LOL
God your life sucks. Ok letâs hit a couple more places.
-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.
Great, nice to meet you.
-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earthâs exosphere and not above it.
Leave us alone.
-And Iâm the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!
-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!
Youâre actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, letâs bounce, Shajar.
Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?
-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(
Enough with Sophie, weâll find you someone better! Like..
..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, youâre taking up townie space.Â
-I wonât be long, Guntherâs amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so Iâm here to set this shithole on fire.Â
In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?
-His art doesnât cater to plebs. Yes, offense.
Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.
-Yes, yes, Iâm starting to feel like myself again..
Good for you, Shaj!
-Hope youâve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces!Â
-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT
-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.
-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?
-What?!
-Now you say, âno, I think weâve had enough of your jokesâ. Say it!
-No, I think weâve had enough of your jokes.
-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say âcall the police, Gene!â
-Call the police, Gene!
-I'll tell you what you get..
-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff.Â
Alright Iâm starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this familyâs hands. Time to go home, Shaj.
-Not so fast!
Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.
-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.
Ugh you people are still around? Havenât heard of you losers since the Count wouldnât let Victoria bang him, which Iâm still annoyed about.Â
-Indeed we are, and itâs clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.
-Iâm here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. Weâre always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim.Â
It sounds like itâd be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.
-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore.Â
-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!
-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH
-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?
-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.
-What work, freakshow?
-Torturing everyone around you, what else!
-What? I donât torture people around me, if anything they torture me.
-Why donât you talk to me about it?
-Iâd rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.
-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..
-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..
-Ugh fine, letâs talk.Â
-Is that Victoria and Komeiâs teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?
Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.
-God, wtf is wrong with this family.Â
Nothing now that youâve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, youâre an icon and Iâm marrying you in at some point.Â
-Hard pass.Â
Your loss, hombre.Â
-It definitely isnât.
-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!
STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajarâs turn ons isnât vampires, itâs fitness/fatness. Body positive queen.Â
-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. Weâll be in touch.Â
-Thanks, Countess, itâs been real.
Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??
-Meh.
Iâm gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and Iâm doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.
Ugh.
UGH
UGHHHHHHH
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA
-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO
God I miss you Vic đ
-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.
This guy wonât even mop up his own piss, what a catch.
Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.
-Donât think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!
-VICTOR NO
-GET THAT MOP READY
-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..
-đđđOMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! đđđ But then grandmaâs ghost scared him into soiling himself.Â
-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and letâs eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.
-Okie dokie! đđđ
-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.
-Yea I did that, but itâs just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value.Â
-Awww thanks sis! đđđ
-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.
-I love you too Shaj! đđđ
And I hate both of you. Whereâs your brother, I havenât paid attention to him in 3 days.Â
-He went upstairs, I think heâs pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL
ITâS HIS BIRTHDAY????
-Donât feel bad, I forgot it too! đđđ
GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU
-Iâm here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better!Â
Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
WULF WHAT THE FUCK
-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now Iâm a sk8ter boi! Character development!
Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, weâre obviously keeping it.Â
-Great! And as if the fact Iâm a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasnât enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D Iâm doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life!Â
Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that youâre dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.
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â ⧠( nico mirallegro, 26, he/him ) did you hear about generationâs new record ? itâs totally bitchinâ ! isaac carberry was killing it as lead vocalist. people who have interviewed him say theyâre really quixotic & convivial, but they can be sort of impish & ungovernable if you catch him at a bad time. a mischievous grin, northern grit, your ex-record labelâs offices looking like a jackson pollock after getting your revenge in the form of vandalism.
hello, my loves! â iâm jess, iâm 22 and over in rainy england. iâm recently done with university which gives me a lot of downtime until i find a job so hopefully i can dedicate a lot of that downtime to this fuckinâ rp because itâs gonna be lit i just know it. iâm a huge stone roses fan and 80s/90s-music-obsessed in general so getting to play this character is super exciting for me, so without further ado, meet my trash son: mr isaac carberry. PLEASE HMU FOR PLOTS!
BACKGROUND
born 14th april 1960 in manchester, england to a normal working-class family, isaac was the first born child of james & rose carberry, with a younger sister coming along a few years later. the little family of four lived fairly happily, but struggled financially just as many people did in northern england at the time.Â
when isaac was five, his father lost his job as a result of coalmine closures, and times were tough. however, the family kept their spirits high by keeping close-knit, as well as listening to a whole lottaâ music. music was key in the carberry household. it was all around you at all times.
when times would get particularly bleak, his dad would pick up an guitar and play to the kids. he wasnât very good but watching someone play an instrument and have fun with it sparked something in the eyes of isaac carberry.
tw violence, corporal punishment â during his teenage years, he was a problem child. he was the kid that always got pulled out of class by the headmaster to receive the cane in his office. he could never sit still, was always cracking jokes when he shouldâve been doing his schoolwork, etc. it wasnât talked about at the time, so it went unnoticed, but what isaac was probably dealing with was undiagnosed ADHD. despite this, though, he was a clever child. he had a way with words and looked forward to english class every week, where he would take great pleasure in writing exercises, especially poetry.Â
writing was a dreamy, escapist haven for isaac, and this extended to his life outside of school, too. the works he was producing were mostly tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted stories and poems with a recurring âstop taking life so seriouslyâ theme. when he turned 16, however, these poems began to turn into songs. this started to take up a lot of his time especially when he finished secondary school at 16 and went onto sixth form college, where he took music alongside english.
isaac desperately wanted to learn to play guitar, so that he could form some structural melodies to these songs, but struggled with honing the skill of learning an instrument. luckily, when he was 18, he made three friends who could do just that. the four kids would bounce ideas off of each other and hold jam sessions in the tiny little basement of isaacâs family home, but things never went much further than that (at least not yet, anyway.)
isaac decided against going to university, mostly since his family lacked the funds, and instead picked up a full-time job in a grocery store to help out his householdâs shared income.Â
in 1979, margaret thatcher came into power as the UKâs prime minister, and times got even bleaker. money was even tighter and the working-class situation became an even harder one to be in. the carberry family started sending isaac out on the street after work to sing some of his songs for tips.Â
in 1983, aged 23, isaac was in a dark place. no opportunity, no degree, no wealth in the family to fall back on. he ârallied up the troopsâ so to speak and practically begged his friends to start a band with him. he had plenty of material, after all.
to his relief, they said yes, and were determined to make it work. they were hungry for attention and throwing themselves at any gig opportunities they could get, to get them a bit of money into their pockets. that was it, GENERATION was truly alive and kicking.
at a show supporting another band, generation were noticed by a fellow musician, who took a shine to the band and booked them to support his upcoming uk tour. thus, the band were rising to prominence. fast forward a year and before isaac even had the chance to process it, generation were shaping up to be the biggest band in the uk. isaac could finally give his family everything they needed to better their situation and was having the most amazing time ever doing what he loved.
after independently releasing their own singles, the band got themselves a record deal in early 1985 and released their first full record, a self-titled album. their management wanted to introduce them to US audiences, and thus â thatâs how we find ourselves here.Â
PERSONALITY
ok sorry for that LONG ass background hereâs the nice lil fun part where we can just dick around lmao hey meet my baby boy chaotic aries who is a lovable mess and i will protect him at all costs
literally so much of his personality is inspired by myself lmao we love an aries legend with ADHD but also i owe some of his characterization to the stone rosesâ ian brown so if you ever want a look into isaac, watch some interviews or smth because Big Isaac Mood. the last aesthetic in his app references this video
nice, but a fuckin firecracker of a man. intense boi!! heâs a Lot
on first impressions heâs cool and collected and laidback but when you get to know him he can be very exhausting to be around, talks a lot, never tires of energy, etc
has that lopsided, wonky grin that you canât help but love
lowkey isnât really overwhelmed by the fame at all, heâs kind of narcissistic in the fact that he??? just feels like itâs really deserved? he knows hes talented jfjhgfjkghf
lowkey maybe highkey a sweetheart
a favourite with the ladies but not good w commitment
has slept around a lot. ladies, fellas, you name it. probably has it in him to settle down someday since he likes the idea of falling in love, but just hasnât found it as of yetÂ
charisma literally oozes from him
tw drugs & alcohol / dOeSnT LiKe To sHoW eMoTioNs but then will literally cry w u and pour his heart out if youâre close enough to him or if heâs hella drunk or high on ecstasyÂ
Reyt fokinâ northern accent, yeh get meh?
man i dont even know can i just post this dumb shit already because this is getting LONG
WANTED CONNECTIONS
ex-girlfriend / groupie â i have this as a wc on the main
best friends will prob be taken by his bandmates but at the time of writing this only one other spot is taken so maybe ill branch out
give me some ppl who just DONT fucking like him
hookups / ex-hookups
someone he can be a bad influence on
someone who is a bad influence on him
someone heâs had beef w in the industry, maybe they said some shit about his band in an interview or something
a slow burn love interest plot................. listen.... gimme the one person heâs falling for and would consider being tied down for. iâd be so soft for that
gimme anything and everything my babies
#1986.intro#FINALLY#i'm so sorry#me: wants interactions earlier bc im in the uk#also me: isnt ready to post my intro til 40 mins before it was originally supposed to open for ints#im a mess#also this is long sorry#forgive the graphics#they look low qual on the dash but i had to make them 350px bc of my theme!#HMU FOR THOSE PLOTS
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my only sunshine (p.p)
chapter three
summary: working in your dadâs flower shop, you meet a boy who turns your life upside down, for better or worse is yet to be seen
a/n: this is for @spideypeachâs mini writing challenge!Â
prompt:Â âcan we just pretend I never said anythingâ
warnings: slight swearing
paring: peter parker x female!reader
word count: 1.4k
my masterlist
chapter two | series masterlist | chapter four
Okay, so maybe he didnât remember where the store was, it wasnât like you gave him the shopâs address or your phone number. But you were still disappointed at first when he didnât show up, but couldnât really blame him, the city was big after all, but you still held on and had hope.
After a week of waiting however, you were really bored. Your interaction with Peter had reminded you how nice it was to have friends, and you missed that. Another thing you noticed was that you would did find yourself singing in the shop again, continuously check the door. But unlike before, it wasnât so you could stop if you saw someone come in, but now it was in hopes that Peter would come in.
And you did feel a little guilty about that, as you remembered what Peter had said about your voice, and you did say no. But on the other side, Â if you didnât sing, the shop was way more quiet to you than usual. And you got a reality check as you realized that for most of your day, you were truly alone, even in school.
It didnât help that in the past week, you werenât even in school, as you got sick with some strange cough, and couldnât go to school, therefore leaving you with more time by yourself in the silence.
And while you had to spend a week in silence, you were lucky that it was only a week, as that when he finally found the shop.
âWell lookie here! You finally found the shop!â you said, walking towards the door to greet Peter. You were watering the plants for the millionth time that day, you should make sure they havenât drowned yet, oops, and was delighted that finally it had been Peter who was entering the door.
âYeah I realized half way home that I never got your number or the shop addressâ Peter laughed at your enthusiasm at the sight of him, surprised that someone was so happy to see him.
âCan I ask how you finally figured it out?â you asked, acting much more lively then you were 5 minutes ago. You were in the mood to tease him, even if it was partially your fault he couldnât find it so quickly.
âI looked at the tag on the flowers, and the name of the shop was on thereâ Peter said, as if that explained to you how he got the address, because as far as you knew the address wasnât on the flowers.
âThee name doesnât give you the address thoughâ you said, voicing your confusion. It didnât clear up the air, as much as it did spread the confusion, as Peter furrowed his eyebrows as you, giving you a weird look.
âGoogle?â Peter asked, unsure why that was so confusing. You made an âoâ shape as it got cleared up, and Peter laughed, teasing you and sticking out his tongue at you, âIdiotâ
âIâm sorry!â you yelled defensively, making a mock offended expression on your face. You crossed your arms and pouted at Peter, causing him to laugh at you (again) and pull you in a tight hug.
You pushed him away from you as he asked âAnyway, howâs your week been?â
Once you were completely out of his grasp, you brushed down your hair and clothes with hands, to look back at Peter, only to find him confused about why you pushed him away. .âMeh, Iâm kinda sickâ you explained, â itâs been going around my school, what about your school?â
Peter nodded understanding, putting his hands in his hoodie pocket before replying âI mean yeah its going around, but I have wonât sickâ
âHow can you be so sure?â you asked sassily, arms crossed, as youâve never hear of someone who hasnât gotten sick before.
âBecause Iâve literally NEVER gotten sick beforeâ Peter said smugly, causing you to pout. At this, Peter leaned forward at ruffled your hair. You swatted his hands away at this, resulting in a bigger mock pout on your face, making Peter smile.
âThere is always a first time for everything you know!â you whined, coughing in between.
âOkay but itâs legit impossible for me!â Peter retorted back as your guyâs conversation was slowly becoming a fast paced argument.
âWHYâ you yelled back, waving your hands as you didnt understand how he got to the conclusion that he was safe from all illness.
âBECAUSE IâM SPIDERMAN OKAYâ Peter yelled, pulling at his head in frustration. You guys somehow got very passionate about the argument. But as soon as he said that, you both froze. Peter turned white, and you were processing what the fuck he just said.
âWhatâ you whisper screamed, not believing what you just found out.
âWai- waitâ Peter stuttered, holding out his hand in your face. He was trying to figure out a way to repair this and hopefully move on for this discussion, as no one except Ned knew about him.
âWHATâ you screamed, completely ignoring the fact that Peter wasnât saying anything, and was still frozen, âDID YOU JUST SAY YO-â
âCAN WE JUST PRETEND I NEVER SAID ANYTHINGâ Peter finally said, cutting you off before you could finish your sentence.
âNOâ, you protested, âYOU LITERALLY JUST SAID YOUâRE-wait how do I know youâre spiderman for sure?â you asked once your brain started working again, all of a sudden doubting Peter.
At this, Peter let a huge sigh of relief, awkwardly laughing, âheh, heh, guess we will never know, guess iâm imposterâ, before heading running, out the door. You panicked at this, as you really wanted to find out what was happening, so you did the only logical thing you could do.
You caught him by his hoodie and picked him up and threw him at the wall. And lo and behold, he stuck. Once Peter adjusted and processed the whirlwind of the past few seconds, you both just stared at each other in shock. You were in shock because this meant that Peter was fucking Spider Man, and Peter was in shock at the fact you could pick him up and fling him like that.
âSo you are Spider Man thenâ you muttered to yourself as Peter climbed down and got himself together, âSo what now?â
âFirst, I think we should discuss how the fuck you were able to throw me on the wall, and why?â Peter asked, still in shock and confusion.
âI means thatâs two things but-â you started.
âY/Nâ Peter warned, cutting you off.
You raised your hands in defeat, âLiving and working in the flower shop means needing to carry a lot of heavy fertilizer, it not my fault you weigh nothingâ you pointed out, causing Peter to protest in gibberish.
âOkay, but-â Peter started, before a thought crossed his head and he started to freak out. All of a sudden you were watching him walk in circles and mutter to himself.
âHey heyâ you said, soothing him as you ran over to console him, âWhatâs wrong?â you asked as you lead him over to the counter as you got him a glass of water.
âItâs just that, you know that Iâm Spider Man, and I put you in trouble, and Iâm such a bad superhero. Now two people knowâ Peter explained, worrying even more.
Biting your lip, you thought about how to calm him down, maybe with logic. âSo I am assuming that the other person is a friend of yours?â you waited for Peter to nod before continuing, âOkay, well the only way we know each other is pure confidence, so itâs not like anyone is going to find out about me okay? So donât worry about it.â
âYeah I guess youâre rightâ Peter said, finally much calmer, âbut you canât tell anyone okay?â
âOf courseâ you said, nodding to him, âItâs not like I have anyone to tell.â
Peter looked at you with pity in his eyes, as he started heading out, but quickly stopped when he realized something, âThis time I do need to get your number, I wonât leave without itâ. You laughed at that, putting in your number in Peterâs phone.
As soon as he left and closed the door, you whispered to yourself, âBut you will leave in the end.â
Taglist: @djjffkd, @pallored, @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl, @penisprkr, @tuttigunner, @doihavetobesocialrightnow,  @supernatural-strangerthings-1980, @lovelyh0lland, @sprinklemetommy, @marvelsmagics, @yoinksholland, @21-chemicalpanicboys, @tomsfireheart, @hello-love06, @embrace-themagic, @fireboltrose7559, @ourdeliciousfoxcollector, @avenged-nightmare, @treegelbman, @rainbow-marvel, @tom-hollands-eyelash, @fallinallintom, @pumpkinsandparker, @tomhiddleston-is-myboo, @holland-haven, @oh-dear-tommy, @elentiya02, @futzingclint, @tony-starks-ego, @what-is-yeet, @lubrielx, @ticklishrainbow, @ukulele-tea-and-ocean, @adorablyparker, @onlyfangirlsunderstand, @tommy-braccoli, @tinkeringtony, @bluelalal, @valerie-weasley,@captaincorbyn, @nexitye*, @hotdamnitsjaz*, @peter-parkers-pumpkins
*unable to tag
be added to the taglist for my only sunshine here
#peter parker#peter parker imagine#peter parker one shot#peter parker x reader#peter parker x you#spider-man#spider-man imagine#spiderman#spiderman imagine#spider man#spider man imagine#the avengers#the avengers imagine#avengers#avengers imagine#marvel#marvel imagine#mcu#alliecatsminichallenge
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WWE Stomping Grounds PPV â Previews & Predictions
Seth Rollins (c) vs The Baron: WWE Universal Championship Match w/ Special Guest Referee
The main event that no-one cares to see! The only way any interest remains for this bout once the bell rings will ALL depend on who gets announced as the guest referee, and truthfully thereâs only one clear choice here that completely opens this match up to be something interestingâŚ..and thatâs Brock Lesnar.
If Lesnar comes out in the stripes with his briefcase it quickly becomes a case of âwhenâ will he cash in during the PPV, does he referee the match as normal then cash in on the winner? Does he get bored during the match and decide to destroy both guys and pin Seth? Does he beat up both guys and let The Baron win the title then beat him just to anger Rollins more? Or do they just have him ref as normal then leave and not cash in to annoy the fans/viewers that nothing happened after the big tease it will be.
If it turns out to be anyone else on the roster as the referee this will be hilarious for how bad it will be received, so much so that I need to see it lol
So, for me Lesnar refs as normal until both guys hit big moves or something big happens then he cashes in, whips the floor with them both and pins Seth. But, remember there is still the rumour that Brock holds onto his briefcase until Smackdown Live moves to Fox and cashes in on the champion during the first show for a big story to lead with on the new championâŚ. â LESNAR
Kofi Kingston (c) vs Dolph Ziggler: WWE Championship Steel Cage Match
Seriously, no-one cares about Ziggler, no-one cares about him in the main event and no-one thinks he has any chance of winning the title, and all of that lack of care would be even greater if they actually made the dumbest move in giving him the belt. Man, its sad that with both of these title fights we worry more about them making the dumbest decision (with great experiences of this) instead of the easiest decision that people want to see and makes sense.
This really has just been poor/easy/lazy booking, it all started with Kevin Owens not wanting to go to Saudi Arabia and they had to find a short-term challenger for the event, they went with Ziggler who hadnât been on tv and didnât deserve it. The match they had was meh and Ziggler lucked into them being lazy and booking most of the matches there for rematches on this Stomping Grounds show, as really he should have disappeared back into obscurity on the comedy circuit and quickly be forgotten about again by his bosses in the WWE.
Sadly, this Kofi title run still isnât doing anything for me, ive mentioned it since Mania in that it doesnât feel anything different or special after the initial title change and celebration. Not that I think he should be beaten ASAP for it and moved on, he needs big challengers and then should beat them clean to solidify his-self in the main event better, hell id have had him beat Roman Reigns soon even if its just a tv match to make an impact. They can focus on that win massively to try and help him while moving Roman quickly away from the title scene for awhile, then next time they get near each other we can hear how Roman has been studying tapes of the match to prepare better for Kofi, again making Kofi seem a bigger threatâŚâŚits just easy to do with little thought to help everyone involved â KOFI
Becky Lynch (c) vs Lacey Evans: WWE Raw Womenâs Championship Match
Another match that feels flat I guess, we all know the long-term plan is for Evans to win the title eventually but if its too soon it affects Becky more negatively as sheâs been handled pretty poorly since Mania. Some of that is due to Ronda leaving for awhile and partly down to how they booked Laceyâs debut, with her being made to be âa ladyâ above being a threat in-ring and showing her marine side.
Then we have to consider if we have Lacey lose again to Becky it potentially could harm her a lot, which is the big problem in having someone new come in and be pushed at the top of a division but donât really want to put the belt on her instantly. People perceive wrestlers on the whole on how they debut usually, if someone comes in on top beating everyone they get looked at as a star, if they come in and receive a stuttering push and lose their big matches they come across as someone who cant hack it in the position theyâve been placed.
Truthfully I feel this kind of needs a screwy finish, mainly to keep them both strong without badly damaging either, it allows Becky to move to another feud but not truly be over Lacey who can always come back to the feud when they are finally ready for to actually win the belt. For the prediction Ill go with Becky but really it could go either way if the finish is just a DQ â LYNCH
Bayley (c) vs Alexa Bliss w/ Nikki Cross: WWE Smackdownâs Women Championship Match
The girls had a great promo segment on this weeks Smackdown that helped build this feud more than nearly everything else theyâve attempted. When looking at the winner here its only Bayley, the first thing people talk about with Bliss is still her injury status and likelihood of her getting more concussions and not being around that long and not her chances of winning the belt and moving shows.
The Smackdown womenâs division really isnât doing much of anything lately and needs some big focus the next few weeks in setting up programs for Bayley and the other girls after this title defence. I really want to see the other girls all show their ambition of being champion, it doesnât have to be the centre piece of their ever feud away from the title but needs to be evident to show they are/want to be a big force in the division. Again, make everyone seem important and people begin to see everyone as important â BAYLEY
Roman Reigns vs Drew McIntyre
Is it just me that feels like weâve typed this out nearly every month?
And ill say the same I think I usually do, it would be great and mean so much for Drew to beat Roman but Roman will probably win, we have to build up Shane McMahons next big challenger donât we???? But truthfully with Roman being out of the title scene currently he should be losing this match clean, with the focus being a program in helping move Drew into a serious and legitimate world title contender instead of this being a seeming stepping stone match before Roman finally gets Shane one on one.
Give Shane the world title already!!!! â REIGNS
Samoa Joe (c) vs Ricochet: WWE US Title Match
After winning the elimination match Ricochet gets his chance for a big match with Joe, and this should be all kinds of fun. Joe is going to be bumping his ass off taking everything from Ricochet and making him look awesome, which wonât be hard. I donât think we see a title change here but cant be sure 100% as I still think we see a Joe/Rey match when Reyâs healed for the title with a stipulation of hair vs mask â JOE
Daniel Bryan & Rowan (c) vs Heavy Machinery: WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match
I really donât expect new champions here, but instead I fully expect to see Daniel Bryan do his damn best to put over Heavy Machinery as stars in the tag ranks that shouldnât be laughed at but taken VERY seriously.
I think Bryan will dominate the early stages but gradually we get to see the heart of Heavy Machinery show with the fans getting behind them even more, expect some great Bryan faces throughout when Otis hits big moves and goes close to victory â BRYAN & ROWAN
The New Day vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
A match I didnât realise was happening until reading the matches listed for the show lol Seriously
At least thereâs history involved for the guys to play off, but truly the only thing this match is here for is for Owens to get the victory setting up the feud with KofiâŚâŚsurely? OWENS & ZAYN
Akira Tozawa vs Tony Nese (c) vs Drew Gulak: WWE Cruiserweight Triple Threat Title Match
2 really good weeks of tv these past two weeks from 205 Live, now they need to hope that this gets on the main show again and not the kick-off showâŚ..
No title change yet, this show doesnât seem to like doing them anyway, plus they donât have the best depth available â NESE
Hope everyone enjoys the show, even though most are matches from the Saudi show but hopefully they bring more tonight
Bye for now
Andy
#WWE#raw#smackdown#sd live#stomping ground#stomping grounds#Brock Lesnar#seth rollins#Baron Corbin#Kofi Kingston#dolph ziggler#shane mcmahon#drew mcintyre#roman reigns#becky lynch#lacey evans#bayley#alexa bliss#samoa joe#ricochet#Daniel Bryan#rowan#heavy machinery#the new day#Xavier Woods#big e#Kevin Owens#sami zayn#tony nese#akira tozawa
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Wilderness Log, day 2
Shenanigans afoot! Not betaed.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Wilderness Log
Day 2
Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen are three of the most suspect, twitchy, jumpy people Iâve seen.
Neither of them slept a wink last night judging by how bleary eyed they are now. At least their insomnia was useful. They set up watches through the night, like a game of tag⌠one sat there and stared into the dark until another one clapped the first on the back for their rotation.
Neither Mrs. Everdeen nor Prim seemed particularly surprised by the trioâs antics though. In fact, they seemed relieved or something. I wonder why?
Mrs. Everdeen had me move all the liquor bottles to the big tent, except for one, and the one left out was dry as a bone by dawn. I wonder if I should tell Catnip that I left a box with about 12 more bottles of liquor by the fence? I didnât think Abernathy would be drinking a bottle a day! If he wanted provisions, he shouldâve haul the box himself. Heck, even Posy carried a rucksack full of her clothes and her two dollies.
Either way, I kind of slept better knowing there was someone watching out for the rest of us, even though the watchers are unreliable at best. I mean, how good at guarding can a drunk be? Not that I have much more faith on a guy that smiles so much (how can somebody smile that much all day long?) Even wielding that machete I wouldnât see Peeta âsmileyâ Mellark as a threat. I guess we will have to toughen him up a bit.
Anywho. I was too tired after a day of moving all ten of us through the woods to also stay up all night on guard duty. Catnip made me thank the other two, although nobody thanked me for taking them safely this far. I figured it wasnât a big deal since I was refreshed and ready for a full day of hunting and recognizance missions. I can be grateful if itâs important to Catnip.
Hunting Log:
Weather conditions were excellent for hunting today.
Katniss bagged a wild turkey, while I got three squirrels.
The snare line I set up last night yielded an enraged raccoon. Since the thing was still alive and hardly injured, we cut it loose. A shame. Iâm sure he wouldâve make a nice hat with the fluffy tail.
We called it a day after exploring the known land beyond the shack for a couple of hours. So far, the terrain is mostly hilly, very green and full of game. We will go further in tomorrow. By my calculations we can move out from here after tomorrow. Iâm feeling optimistic for the first time in years.
Upon return to the camp, Vick was throwing a tantrum and Posy latched on it as well. My Ma looked haggard, so I took the two little ones and brought them with me to the water, to show them the lake.
Theyâve never seen anything like before. To be honest, neither had I until a few months ago. It truly is a sight to behold. Iâm trying to explain to them all about the lake but my knowledge is limited, which annoys me. Stupid Capitol! Keeping Panem dumb is how they keep themselves in power.
In the shack somebody gathered wood and sticks and Mellark has a nice fire going on the hearth, ready to roast the game we brought in. I already knew he could coax a fire from nothing from his games, what I didnât know was that he used to help his Pa skin and gut the squirrels we sold to them. I guess everyone is useful at something sometimes, I just wished the guy would stop gushing about Catnipâs hunting abilities. We already know sheâs an amazing markswoman.
So far, thereâs been no indication of Peacekeepers combing the woods, searching for us. Very strange, considering all 3 of D12âs Victors are on the run. Who knows whatâs really going on? Better not think too much about it. I feel guilty for leaving my district behind as it is, but my priority is keeping my loved ones safe.
Thereâs also what Catnip said about if we were away and safe, she could be different. She could get out of her head and go back to being her old self from before the games. We could finally get a chance at more. Iâm not sure how weâre swinging that last part though, with her dragging Mellark and Abernathy around. Ideally itâd be just the 2 of us and our families, but Katniss is attached to her fellow victors and wouldnât move without them.
Talking about Catnipâs anchors... Abernathy keeps hinting that we should bear north. Iâm not sure why we wanna do that. If we stay our course south, we will have warmer weather for longer, making things easier on everyone.
The only thing up north is the crumbling remains of D13. A dead, radioactive graveyard. Nothing for us awaiting there other than illness and death. Hopefully the old drunk will go back to blackout flat on his back like he used to before Catnip and Mellark came into his picture. If he does though, Abernathy will be Mellarkâs problem. I heard Catnip hissed at the old man that sheâd make Mellark literally carry his dead weight up if he didnât walk of his own free will. Mellark only sighed, so I know heâll do whatever Catnip says. Donât know why he still does that. Follow her blindly. Is not like she needs him to. Meh! Not my business!
So, supplies stand at:
-Bottles of white liquor (9) Redacted- 8 ½⌠Damn, that man can drink!
-Wild turkey (1)
-Squirrels (3)
-cooked chicken (1)
-pies (2 out of 3) (Rory suggested I noted the flavors so: apple and rhubarb) (what the heck is a rhubarb doing in pie? I thought it was a vegetable.)
-cookies (2 Âź dozen)
-potatoes (5 out of 8)
-carrots (6 out of 10)
Everything else stays the same from yesterday.
Additional note:
Katniss announced that since we have enough food for the next two or three days, sheâs going to teach everyone to swim tomorrow. Abernathy said he rather drown. Catnip was aggravated with the old man and yelled at him for a bit. Mellark stepped in and calmed them both down. For people Catnip swore she couldnât bear to leave behind, they sure seemed to get in each otherâs nerves a lot.
Additional note #2:
After supper, before the sunlight was completely out, Catnip and Mellark sat under a tree with that leather bound book of hers. She scribbled on it for a while, then passed it over to him and he colored it. She smiled down at the book fondly. The only times Iâve seen that expression in her face is when Prim would blow kisses at her playfully. I wonder whatâs so great about that book? Gotta find out.
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50 questions tag
i was tagged by @mochi-bambam :-) thank you~
1. what takes up too much of your time? computer games; I should find another way of de-stressing or something
2. what makes your day better? recent albums by Exo, Monsta X and NCT and my friends
3. whatâs the best thing that happened to you today? nothing in particular :-(
4. what fictional place would you like to go? Hogwarts
5. are you good at giving advice? maybe, I hope so
6. do you have any mental illness? nothing that Iâm aware of, and I hope that itâll stay this way. I used to be depressed in the past though but now Iâm fine.
7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? YES, once. And it was really weird. Exactly as people describe it.
8. what musician inspired you the most? Richard Bona when it comes to playing the bass; ViViD, a J-rock band that doesnât exist anymore :-(, A9/ Alice Nine, also a J-rock band; a certain solo artist from my country and also a hip-hop group from my country, EXO
9. have you ever fallen in love? yes, but Iâm not in love right now
10. whatâs your dream date? going on a street fair, playing board games, going to a concert, things like that
11. what do others notice about you? recently Iâve been hearing that Iâm very skinny (whatâs weird considering that I gained 5kg this summer so I used to be way skinnier) and recently people have been praising my makeup :-)
12. what is the annoying habit you have? whining a lot
13. do you still talk to your first love? no, I havenât even seen him since we graduated from primary school. Iâm still friends with my ex-girlfriend though, idk why.
14. how many exâs do you have? 1
15. how many songs are on your playlist? unfortunately, my phone doesnât give me any information on how many songs I have ._.
16. what instruments can you play? I tried to learn the guitar and bass guitar in the past but I play none of them rn
17. who do you have the most pictures of? books about linguistic semantics, God, why My brothers and their families; Jooheon and Minhyuk
18. where would you like to go before you die? Iâd like to visit a few countries
19. what is your zodiac? Scorpio
20. do you relate to it? yes, my zodiac sign really suits me even though I donât believe in horoscopes at all ._.
21. what is happiness to you? accomplishing my goals, not being lonely and being safe
22. are you going through anything right now? yes, doing basically 1,5 year of studying in one year and I really need to graduate uni this year so there is a lot of pressure on me because I literally cannot fail
23. whatâs the worst decision youâve ever made? telling something my dad when he was dying
24. whatâs your favourite store? this is not a paid promotion :-P
25. whatâs your opinion on abortion? I canât imagine doing something like this ever because losing a child is my worst nightmare but it should be allowed in cases such as rape or when the pregnancy is a danger to the mother and when there is no chance for the mother or child to live or when the foetus has a very serious genetic condition. And it really pisses me off that in my country they want to ban abortion in all cases and it is just purely inhumane. And also not everyone has some moral or religious constraints to do so, so we shouldnât impose our beliefs on them. They have their own conscience.
26. do you keep a bucket list? I started to keep one last month
27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? Exoâs Donât Mess Up MY Tempo!!!!
28. what do you want for your birthday? I donât really know and my birthday is in two days ._. (I have a particular cake in mind though hmm. If I wonât get it Iâll buy it myself)
29. what are most peoples first impression of you? they usually think that Iâm a know-it-all
30. what age do you seem according to most people? about 19-20 I guess; people ALWAYS say that I look younger but fortunately they finally no longer think that Iâm underage, thank God (at least the majority of them)
31. where do you keep your phone while youâre sleeping? on my windowsill a metre away from me
32. what word do you say the most? Iâm not sure but I know that unfortunately, I whine a lot lately :-/
33. whatâs the oldest age you would date? 28 I guess, and maybe 30 in certain cases
34. whatâs the youngest age you would date? 19
35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? something connected to languages or a musician
36. whatâs your favourite music genre? k-pop, hip-hop, lo-fi and recently I started to like classical music again. I guess Iâm coming back to my roots.
37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? every country has its pros and cons and the only thing I know is that after I finish my studies I rather wonât stay in my country even though I really love my city ;-;
38. what is your current favourite song? Bad Dream by Exo (I know that I mentioned Exo at least 10 times today but I heard the new album yesterday and Iâm dead and I wonât shut up about it :-P)
39. how long have you had this blog for? since summer 2015 but I used to have a different one between 2012 -14 but I deleted it
40. what are you excited for? for the experiment that Iâm supposed to run for my bachelorâs thesis
41. are you a better talker or listener? I prefer to listen to what other people are saying but when I have to say something important or present something then I think Iâm doing fine
42. what is the last productive thing you did? completing two units in an online course for one subject for my uni
43. what do you want for Christmas? to spend time with a lot of people (and this is coming true this year!!! omg)
44. what class do you get the best grades in? I just started my academic year a month ago so idk yet but last year I had best grades in Liaison and Popular Science Translation
45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 3; I feel so sick and meh :-/ I donât want to do anything
46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? hopefully, Iâll have a decent job, friends and family and Iâll do at least one thing that I love
47. when did you get your first heartbreak? I have never been heartbroken, or at least I donât recall, so if I did then it couldnât be bad
48. at what age do you want to get married? I rather donât want to get married
49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be an astronomer, a musican or a translator
50. what do you crave right now? hmm... nothing in particular
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MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN
The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.
Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!
Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*
Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED
Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!
I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?
And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!
So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!
And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health
So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!
So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!
Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!
Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA
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